#and i literally said i wasnt going to write a christmas special but then on LITERAL christmas eve i was like hmmmmm

[leaughrilke]

repeat the sounding joy

superbabies christmas special, pt. 2

find it on: ao3 ff.net

. . .

2020

. . .

“Kara?”  Lena’s hoping that her wife is home or, at least, in range to hear her—she was supposed to be done with Supergirl duty by now, but a little wiggle room is always penciled into the schedule Lena’s memorized, kept logged in the back of her mind.  Except—well.

This particular event is not wiggle room applicable.

Finn is nearing seven months and they are entering their first holiday season with him and Lena will be damned if their holiday card is not perfect.  Kara was the one that talked her into matching sweaters to begin with and now that Finn has managed to both vomit and poop all over his outfit, it’ll be Kara that comes up with a solution.

So long as the photographer Lena’s arranged to come by their apartment isn’t running early.

She’s not sure why she worried; Kara’s never been late without either calling ahead or having Alex do it for her and, so far, Lena’s not gotten a call.

“Alright, little man,” she sighs, fixing the top snap of the clean shirt she’s just dressed him in.  “Maybe Mama won’t notice that you’re a little out of sorts, hm?”

Finn coos back, parrots, “Mama!” and wiggles in Lena’s arms, obviously aiming to get back to his toys on the floor of his room.

There’s a brief rush of wind, a cool draft, and when Lena turns, Kara’s next to her.  And, bless her, holding a clean Finn-sized sweater.  “I figured it would be a good plan to keep extras on hand,” she says, stepping closer to tickle one of their son’s feet, grinning as he shrieks with laughter.

“Always so smart.”  Lena kisses her wife’s cheek, passes Finn off to her seamlessly.  “I need to wash up before Lenore gets here and I believe someone was missing his mama and would appreciate some quality time,” she says cheekily.

“How’s my man?” Kara asks, shifting her son to rest on her hip as Lena slips out of the room.  “How’s my Finster?”

Lena hurries in the bathroom, the doorbell ringing just as she reaches the bottom step of their stairs.  Kara’s just about to answer it when she notices Lena, turning quickly to flash a smile and a thumbs-up at her.  The movement elicits a giggle from Finn—they really lucked out with him, Lena thinks.  He’s always smiling, always happy.  She’d always been nervous thinking about having children, both for fear of a perpetually fussy baby as well as what her name would bring down on them.  But Finn?

Finn is wonderful, even smiles at the photographer when Kara opens the door for her.

“Hello handsome,” Lenore greets him before focusing on Kara and Lena.  “And hello moms!  I love the matched set.”

/

The shoot goes smoothly, with Kara and Lena selecting three shots for the Danvers family holiday card, as well as one for the L-Corp newsletter Lena started a few years earlier as a way to humanize her with her employees.

“Admit it,” Kara says later, after they’ve gotten Finn down for bed and are getting ready themselves.

Lena turns to raise an eyebrow at her wife, carefully pulling the backing off her snowflake earrings and setting them on the dresser.  “Admit what?”

Kara floats over, wraps her arms around Lena’s waist and rests her chin on her shoulder.  “You loooove the matching sweaters,” she teases, pressing a kiss to the skin exposed by the fallen strap of Lena’s nightdress.

“I will admit no such thing,” Lena smirks, turning in her wife’s arms and leaning up for a real kiss.  “We did the matching sweaters this year and never again.”

“Mhm,” Kara hums as she steers them both to bed.  “Whatever you say, babe.”

. . .

2022

. . .

“Finn, honey, please put your markers down.  Auntie Lenore is coming over so soon!  Don’t you want to be nice and clean then?”  Kara leans down to pull the offending items out of Finn’s death grip, whipping around to glare at Lena when she snorts at the exchange.  “Something funny, dear?”

“Nothing at all, sugarplum,” Lena responds, saccharine sweet even as she narrows her eyes in challenge.  It’s not her fault that Kara chose to be on Finn watch this year; Lena would have been more than happy to switch with her, barring feeding Maia who had apparently developed a distaste for bottles recently, but Kara had insisted.

The funny part, Lena thinks, is that same trademark stubbornness reflected in Finn is what’s starting to get on Kara’s nerves.

But Finn is sweet at his core, even if his terrible twos mask that sometimes.  He lets his mother wrestle the pens away with minimal fuss, even if he does look over imploringly at Lena, knowing that she’s the ultimate pushover when it comes to his baby blues.

“Nuh uh, kiddo,” she says firmly.  “Mama said coloring time is over.”

“Draw,” he whines, jutting out his bottom lip in a horrifically accurate recreation of Kara’s puppy dog pout.

“C’mon honey,” Kara huffs, picking up their son.  “You know that’s not fair—Mommy can’t resist that look.”  She pokes his cheek lightly, earns herself a damp raspberry from Finn in return.  “Where’s that smile, hm?"

Finn does start to smile a little begrudgingly, always an easy win even now.  Looking at them, Lena starts to understand that appeal of the matching sweaters—snowmen this year, as opposed to the previous theme of snowflakes; Kara and Finn look like a matched set, Maia looking much the same in Lena’s arms.  All bright and blonde and beautiful, all strong, all powered—sometimes Lena feels a little left out of their club, sometimes feels a little out of place when Maia and Finn fly up out of her reach to play, when only Kara can join them easily.

The sweaters are a tangible reminder that she’s not a separate entity from them, not really.  She may not be exactly the same, but she is part of the family, a part of these giggling, happy children.

Maia coos happily, begins to play with Lena’s fingers and rings.  “Are you excited for the photos, love?” Lena asks her, smiling when Maia turns her big blue eyes on her, a wide toothless grin her answer.

/

The card turns out a little messier than previous years, not quite as picture perfect as their first holiday card with Finn—he was grumpy through the process, so Kara had to tickle him to get a smile.  The movement sent Kara’s glasses slipping down her nose and she tried to catch them by turning her head up.  Lena’s a blur, caught half in motion as she turned to look at what was happening next to her.

Maia, of course, was the only one looking at the camera.

. . .

2025

. . .

Their first card with Stella is a different ballgame—quite frankly, Lena is close to just calling it.  It wouldn’t be a tragedy to miss one year, especially with Stella still so worryingly small, still so colicky and fussy, with them still so sleep deprived.  They had enough photos from the months leading up that could easily sub in for the card.

“It’s going to be fine,” Kara assures Lena when she voices her same argument for what has to be the fourth time today.  “Finn and Maia are pros at this and Stella took a nice, long nap, so she’s should be good.”

“I just—,” Lena starts, pulling her hair out of its bun.  “It just feels wrong to be focusing on this so much, considering how difficult this year has been for us.  Is that ridiculous?”

“Of course not,” Kara says soothingly.  “But this is our normal, right? ��We should try and stick to our normal as much as possible, that’s what Dr. Neuhaus said.  Babies can sense when people are stressed and we have been so stressed.  Besides,” she grins, pulling an earlier abandoned bag out of their closet.  “I had these customized.”

The sweaters for this year are reindeers, a family of five; Lena saw them when they arrived and burst into tears.  The transition from four to five was much more difficult than they’d ever anticipated and part of her was still worried that the final paperwork for the adoption, stuck somewhere in the grinding gears of bureaucracy, would be denied even when their case worker had all but assured it.

Maybe that had more to do with her hesitance for this card than anything else.  She’s not sure she’d ever recover if they lost Stella now.  She is sure, however, that she’d be a wreck every time she saw the card if they did lose her.

“You’re overthinking,” Kara says at the same moment Stella starts wailing.

Lena still swivels to where, until a few weeks ago, Stella’s bassinet sat, tucked in a warmly lit corner of their bedroom.  They’d just moved her into what had used to be their home office, recently renovated for their unexpected addition and it still feels wrong to have to cross the hall to comfort their crying daughter.  Still feels too far.

“I’ll get her,” Lena tells Kara once she’s reoriented herself, heading to the hall.

Some of this extra fear, Lena’s sure, is because she never had to worry with Finn and Maia.  Finn never ran a temperature, virtually never fussed or cried, slept soundly from the very beginning—all credit to Kara’s genetics.  Maia’s powers manifested so early, Lena hardly had a chance to worry about her, at least not in the way she worries for Stella.

Little Stella, still so small and sickly.  She catches colds and stomach bugs with ease, runs fevers like she’s been training for them.  Lena and Kara hardly slept the first few months with her.

And now, as Lena steps into the low-lit room, Stella’s wails ratchet up an octave.  That’s normal, at least—she always gets worse before getting better.  Her crying sustains even when Lena picks her up, only beginning to quiet when Lena holds her close.  They’ll have to figure out a better pose than they were planning; it would have been Finn holding Stella, Maia on a step behind them, and her and Kara at the back, but that won’t work if Stella’s fussing.  She likes being close to her or Kara.  Small adjustments, Lena figures.  All worth it.

Stella calms quickly enough, allows Lena to change her and dress her in the family sweater.

By the time Lenore arrives, they’ve all sort of gotten their collective act together.  Kara holds Stella on her hip, Lena seated on the floor with Finn on one side, Maia on the other.  When they’re reviewing the shots after, Lena spots a The Shot, a candid snapped when no one was paying attention.  Finn’s telling her something, his arms a blur as he gestures animatedly; she and Maia have twin looks of concentration as they listen to him, though Lena’s smirking.  Kara is resting her forehead against Stella’s, both of them smiling.

/

When the call comes in from their case worker that their final paperwork has been approved, she makes sure to send everyone involved a copy of the newly expanded and legalized Danvers Family Holiday Card.

. . .

2054

. . .

“Moms?” Finn calls, holding the door open for the rest of his family.  “We’re here!”

“Finn!” Maia hisses curled up next to Beth on the couch.  “Why are you so loud?”

“You’re one to talk, sis,” he shoots back with an eye roll.

Nasrin sweeps in, pushing her husband out of the way with a gasp.  “Oh, is that her?�� she asks, ignoring Finn’s surprised laugh.  “Boys,” she scolds when her sons scramble for the couch to see their new cousin.

“She’s awake,” Beth assures her, shifting the bundle in her arms so that the newcomers can see her face.  Beth turns, asks her nephews, “Can you be really gentle?”

Cyrus, already taking tentative steps towards the trio on the couch, nods.  His brother, Jasper, follows him closely and says, “Is she gonna break?”

“Yes,” Maia answers just as Beth says, “Of course not.”  Finn glares at his sister as Beth continues.  “She’s just really small still and you guys are so strong!  You just have to be careful and support her head, if you want to hold her.”

Jasper looks back at his mother, easing herself into one of the armchairs.  “Is the new baby going to be this small?” he asks her, eyes on her ever-growing belly.

“Yes, love,” Nasrin hums, leaning back and resting her hands atop her stomach.  “You should start practicing gentle hands now.”

“Where’s Charlie?” Finn asks Maia as he sets his family’s bags down on the kitchen island.  “I have a question for him.”

“He’s supervising—.”

“Allie and Leo?”

“Mhm.  Snowball fight in the backyard.”

Cyrus bails at that, makes a dash for the back door and ignores his mother calling after him to slow down.  Jasper hesitates a moment, looks to his parents for approval and, after Finn laughs and tells him “Go!”, runs after his brother.

“Stell?” Finn asks finally.

Beth looks up again, smiling slightly at the mention of her wife.  “Laying down,” she answers.  “Lena just went to check on her, actually.”

“I’ll go—.”

Before Finn can finish his thought, Kara rounds the corner into the living room, arms piled high with holiday sweaters (this year’s theme, according to his mom’s email, was penguins).  “I thought that was you guys,” she says, smiling brightly at her son and daughter-in-law.  “Did the kids head outside?”

“Maia said the magic words,” Nasrin answers her.  “Snowball fight.”

Kara laughs, sets down the stack of sweaters on the coffee table.  “Good,” she sighs, stepping back to analyze the pile.  “They can work all their wiggles out now.  Have you seen your mom yet?” she asks Finn.

“Not yet.  Maia said she was checking on Stella?”

His mom swivels on her daughter then, eyebrows raised.  “What’s happening with Stella?”

“She’s fine,” Beth cuts in.  “Just healing up slower than she’d like and refusing to slow down at all to accommodate.”

Kara tuts and shakes her head.  “She’s always done that,” she grumbles.  “You too, Birdy.”  She swats at Maia’s shoulder accusatorially.  “Giving me grays, I swear.”

“Gee Ma,” Maia rolls her eyes.  “I wonder where we picked that up from.”

“I have never—!”

“Let’s not tell lies, love,” Lena hums, coming down the stairs.  “Credit where credit’s due and all that.  Have we got the sweaters sorted out?”

“Almost.”

“Perfect.  Lenore’s set to come over in twenty and Stella’s just washing up, so we should be on track.”

“Hi Mom,” Finn says, perched on the arm of his wife’s chair.

“Hi sweetheart,” Lena responds with a grin.  She hugs him tightly before leaning down to hug Nasrin.  “I thought I heard you all come in.”

“We’re sorry we’re late,” Nasrin apologizes.  “Cyrus’s game ran long and I wanted him to clean up before we headed over.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Lena assures her, squeezing her shoulder.  “We always plan a little wiggle-room into these things.”

“Okay,” Kara interrupts.  “We’ve got an extra sweater.”

Beth looks up from her conversation with Maia and asks, “You’re not double counting the newborns?  One for Tess and one for Finn and Nasrin, right?”

“Maybe the company made a mistake?” Lena suggests as she joins Beth and Maia on the couch, arms open to accept her granddaughter when Beth hands her off.

“Actually,” Maia says quietly.

All eyes turn to her.

“Charlie and I, uh, were going to wait a little longer to tell everyone, but I forgot I’d changed the order,” she says sheepishly.  The back door opens and Maia calls, “Babe?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m about to tell them about the thing.”

“Oh!”  Charlie, covered in snow, rushes into the room, grinning wide.  “Really?”

“I forgot I changed the order for the sweaters.”

“Ah, gotcha.”

Kara, resting her arms on the pile of sweaters, extra and all, clears her throat.  “Your news?”

“Right!” Maia laughs.  “You all know that we had already put in the paperwork to adopt again when we got pregnant with Leo,” she explains.  “And, well.  We got a call a few months ago about a match.  We’ve been meeting with her at her foster home for the last several weeks and it’s looking like she’s going to be joining our family pretty soon.”

“What?”  Beth glares at her best friend.  “I’m getting another niece and you haven’t told me?”

“We haven’t really told anyone,” Charlie promises.  “We weren’t sure it was happening.  Josie’s older than Allie was when we adopted her, so we wanted to make sure she had some say in everything.”

“But it’s happening?” Kara asks, starting to tear up.

Maia nods, grinning.  “Yeah, Mama, it’s happening.  She’s coming home with us next week.”

Kara starts crying openly, dropping onto the other side of the couch and hugging her daughter.  Each grandchild’s announcement was met with tears and joy and this arrival would be no different.  Lena, on the other hand, quietly pulls out her phone.

Beth notices the small movement and raised her eyebrows.  “Researching?” she asks jokingly.

“Rescheduling,” Lena whispers back.  She dials before asking Maia, “Do you think she’d be up to meeting everyone then?”

Maia wipes her cheeks and nods.  “She’s been asking about that, actually.  She’s really excited to have a big family.”

“And how would she feel about matching sweaters?”

/

The final product, a sprawling, joyous shot that Kara and Lena frame for their mantle, features all fourteen and a half members of the family.

Nasrin holds the extra newborn sweater in front of her belly, Finn grinning proudly behind her.   Josie, already adored by every member of her newfound family, sits in Lena’s lap, her arm looped through Kara’s.  She took to her grandmothers quickly, but Lena’s memories of her time at the orphanage informed her care and words towards her new granddaughter and earned favor immediately.

Stella’s relegated to the couch with her mothers and Nasrin, a decision she’d protested loudly up until the day of, when she’d collapsed into her seat with a sigh of relief.  Tessa, in her arms, is yawning.  Cyrus managed to avoid his parents’ keen eyes and so Jasper has a pair of bunny ears—Allie sits on Charlie’s shoulders, Leo seated on the arm of the couch, his hand in Maia’s.  Beth’s found gazing down at her wife and daughter, her smile and adoration for them alone at the time.

Small things, little imperfections that Lena, as a child, was taught to hate—they make up the soul of her family.  The pulse, the breath, the things that remind her that this is real, this is the family she and Kara built together.  This is the reality she allowed herself all those years ago when she finally said yes.

[sewrb]

♥*♡∞:｡.I need to rant for a bit so pay attention ｡.｡:∞♡*♥

🧦🧦

Let's talk about Klaus 2019 , I watched the movie 3 times so I can figure things out and understand what I was watching (I also don't regret it at all lmao)

This movie was by far the best thing I've ever seen and definitely in my top comfort movies. The animation, characters, story, and wording were so good to the boint were I made everything on my phone to match the characters (even making a Spotify playlist for Klaus)

I've been dreaming of this movie and writing fanfics of it, it literally makes me feel so happy, with that being said I do have some complaints.

1.) This story was fantastic but the ending made me sob - you had these character (Klaus and Jesper) who had the ability to bond over giving kids toys and making the kids be more happy. You gave us moments where they looked lovenly at each other and genuinely cared for each other.

You let us know that Klaus cared enough for Jesper to tell him his life story, Klaus, to our understanding, has never told any other towns person (maybe mogens but who know) Klaus trusted Jesper enough to tell him. That should be enough to show how kuch they care but nooo the4es more

2.) The sleigh- this was supposed to really be Klaus's of course Jesper helped but Jesper wasn't going to stay long. Even people thinking he was, the whole rumor was about Klaus and wasn't about Jesper because no one knew Jesper was doing it all. When they both saw their names Jesper was happy about it, showing he cared about having his name included, showing he appreciate being this wanted in a way. Near the end of the movie with the sleigh Klaus went back and stared at jespers name after Jesper "left". We all can see that Klaus cares about Jesper. And we know Jesper cares about Klaus.

3.) Alva- I absolutely love her and her character, she is strong, smart and independent. Seeing her and hearing her snarky remarks makes me happy. My issue is she was thrown into a hetero relationship with Jesper out of no where. In the whole movie they acted like siblings who tease each other, or even friends (wingmen honestly) and at the end they had 2 kids and got married. It pissed me off because we were shown this obvious queercoded movie only for it to be taken away from us.

4.) Lastly klaus's disappearance- obviously this movie is centered around Christmas and the magic of Santa, but having Klaus just randomly made me upset. Of course he wasnt gonna live forever and I'm happy hes back with his lover, but how they did the ending maked it seemed rushed and honestly I won't stand for it. They should have had a moment with Jesper where they talk and tell each other good bye. Jesper not saying goodbye at the end only crushed me.

Now jesper spends his time missing Klaus and waiting every year to see him... I know this would crush jesper and I can honestly say I'm upset with the directors.. They could of spent at least 10 more minutes expanding on Klaus and jespers relationship. Something that was better then what happened

But even so, this rant did help me, but I realized I should be greatful for what we got. This movie was amazing and it will always hold a special place In my heart.

♥*♡∞:｡.｡- 🧦🧦 sock 🧦🧦-｡.｡:∞♡*♥

[faorism]

needing the au to drop wherein i can commit to writing a historical au,, because since i first watched the db cooper job my mind went straight to OT3! OT3! OT3! (unlike with the van gogh job, since i aint playing with that fucking lieutenant)

one day maybe one dayyyyy i will sit down and i will write the ot3 into that episode's story. so, it'll be the backgrounds for the characters in the flashback (so, stephanie ritter, steve reynolds, and reggie wilkins), but with the necessary personality adjustments (parker, eliot, and hardison respectively). basically, vintage ot3 with some hot as hell aesthetics and secrets and avoiding as much as possible producing copraganda.

so. my thoughts. what i see happening. and this got super long so im throwing this under a cut. and for ease i will call them by their modern day canon names except when making a point.

first, general thoughts about the characters.

and so: steve to eliot. nothing much here on the surface. eliot still volunteers, too much an indoctrinated white man to have been forcibly drafted. so its still one man gone to war. one man come back. eliot would had been noticed early in training for his ability to pick shit up, and they teased at maybe sending him to a special unit. maybe they do, or maybe they don't because they just need to funnel fuckers to the jungle. the vietnam invasion was a terrorist imperialist venture and there's no romanticizing from me about anything done being at all valorous or special or brother-in-arms'y. and eliot commits war crimes under the american stars and stripes instead of just to keep moreau's champaign running. but also maybe moreau is eliot's superior. he certainly would have been rewarded for this ruthlessness. (eliot of course strove to impress moreau because there aint an eliot spencer who wasn't that man's dog at some point, i!!!! dont make the rules). eliot's friend died and eliot's gone off to carry out his wishes and moreau lets him because he Knows eliot is gonna come back. whether its to come back to the same squad, or follow him into deeper spy shit for the military, or to fuck off and go private. then eliot meets parker.

now. stephanie to parker. beth plays normal so well im mad at her, but there's something edgy and strategic about stephanie that i think parker can grab onto. i feel that maybe she was kind of a thief still, but there's more realism to this world so archie wasnt a super secret spy with lasers to practice with, but just a guy with sticky fingers whos a little bored and wants a protege. parker is good really good at what she does, and not having to deal with lasers makes me easy. but she's into scams that are less grifts and more Catch Me If You Can slight of hands. she's always looking for easy money (she was into lifting cars at one point! literally she follows where the crime is). she's doing something in an airport and someone tries to recruit her as a flight attendant because she's got the Look. and yall, flight attendants? that shit was like being a model and an astronaut and a time traveler back then. and according to a teacher i had, who once worked as in the f.a. union, those ladies back in the day were rad and queer and free spirited and runnnnning shit. i think, yes, it's a Job which i think we might resist placing parker into. but! of the jobs, at the time, i really see her rocking it during the time period. (also come on, the opportunities to swindle distracted people of their shit would be endless. they would just think they dropped their stuff in the airport! not that it was stolen.)

finally, reggie to alec. i think hardison will be the hardest to translate. even tho i admittedly listen to a lot of true crime podcasts, i dont know much about fbi life and also definitely don't know about it historically. part of me desperately wants to put him somewhere else even if it does have to stay within the fbi. i might cheat and make him like a Q(uartermaster) to 007/00s like in james bond, and he's like UGH this is horrible god i hate working for the fbi but they will give me funding so...... anyway, here's this totally cool [radio term]. that said, if hardison is stuck in the fbi, why he ends up there is that he is a fucking savant when it comes to research and the man can put together a presentation like no one else. that white man gets all the credit for profiling but it was hardison who goddamn was the google of the microfilm days. reggie felt super square but that might be because he had to deal with mcsweeties db cooper shit day in and day out for years. hardison is more himself. and definitely still a nerd. alec would be into dime fantasy novels and comics and ham radios and oh god he also would be into star trek like the original star trek as it came out and he would be into the zines yes! yessss. omg. also he plays a mean arcade cabinet. but he's mostly well adjusted but lonely. his colleagues dont appreciate him because fbi esp during that time were fucking wilding out and racist as hell aaaaaand im sorry im srry im trying so hard to have fbi hardison make sense but also! acab. ANYWAY.

second, the relationship

i think it would be fun to play with what it means to have parker/eliot start off first and bring in hardison afterwards. (if white collar is your thing, it would be like this canon divergent ot3 fic wherein peter burke is the last to join in.) i feel they would be Super Intense esp since they are carrying this big ass secret. kind of broken and dysfunctional and there's the passion and the commitment, but i think there's also a tenderness that's super hard for them to achieve? and i think there's a way that hardison plays such an important part in who they are and how they are. like, sure i think parker/eliot would have joy but they won't have levity. they would have compassion but they won't have gentleness.

eliot meets hardison after being recruited by nate. i think they get close because while nate and eliot have an interesting and compelling mentorship/friendship, nate is still eliots superior; sometimes its nice to complain about your boss, as hardison will say to eliot to try to make friends. i think hardison and eliot would become legit friends and not just work buddies because they are just not cut out of the same cloth as the rest of their colleagues. they grab beers after work. after hard days, hardison cajoles eliot into going to the arcade. they are friends. real real truly deep best friends, in a way hardison didn't think he could have with a fed and eliot didnt think he would have after his friend died. but also? they are like "buds" who are buds who are desperately tryna to cross any lines because there's a.... tension? an UST between them they dont know what to do with.

parker meets eliot by way of a "lets have my friend for dinner, he's a blast." and immediately immediately hardison is like... wow this woman is beautiful but like, really attracted to her personality. and parker things hardison is kinda dorky but cute dorkie? anyway, they have a puppy love situation growing. and it keeps growing until bam. eliot and parker are like. are we into alec???? fuck we are aren't we.

i think stephanie and steve would never tell reggie (even if somehow they were to be a thing). but parker and eliot? hell yeah they tell hardison. eventually. after a while. sooner than maybe they should. the tension if they should say something is one of the things that build up as UST between them for so long; parker and eliot know they are carrying this huge thing. two huge things. eliot being db cooper and also their massive crush on him.

if i could control myself to stick to a pwp, it would be another christmas. maybe the christmas nine (more?) years down the road. the damn snow grounded hardison's flight back to his nana's, and parker and eliot hear this and invite him over. the egg nog gets flowing and parker eventually is like,, fuck this. and comes onto hardison. and hardison would be like wow wow what but... idk, free love and swinging were In The Thoughts And Minds Of The People. he still checks in with eliot who is like. her body, man; i aint gonna tell her what to do. and for a sec hardison is like, man is this a cuck situation? i guess i can be for it but also...... aint mad if i aint alone. and eliot is so grateful and idk. i just want them all to be happy and having fun and no one to be left out. and yeah i am kinda brushing over a lot of the racial politics which, in a more developed fic rather than a pwp, would definitely need to be brought in; but idk that needs to just be in the bedrock of whatever plot is going into this.

it takes a lot of maneuvering of their lives but they make it work and eventually hardison is a keeper of eliot's secret too.

(apart from the historical aspect, another reason i probably won't actually write this is because i know myself. i would want to do worldbuilding. i would follow eliot and alec to their jobs, but i wouldnt want to write outright copaganda. the grit/realism i would be comfortable with would take a level of research i dont think i can commit to. but if someone wants to take this up or if you figure out a way around this issue, pls do i wont be mad)

[sunnybimbo]

get to know the author

got tagged by mfin @grassepi like 10 days ago to do this!!!!!! /dab/

long ass post under the cut

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

i explain this so often man its a trip. ‘jam’ came from simlish in the sims 3 because of that one voice line that’s like ‘jambabedo?’. i had changed my name to that on skype but when i was VCing with @namerine she could only see ‘jam’ and it kinda just stuck. speaking of: the ‘dingus’ part also came from her so literally this name is all because of her and i love her *fingerguns*

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

by FAR my most popular fic is my collection of sickfics: In Sickness and Health

the only thing that it got beat in was comments from Close to the Heart, but that’s mostly just because it had so many mfin chapters

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

b a b y y o s h i

i literally cant remember how i found this picture or why i chose it as my icon but its my Brand now. yoshi jamthedingus is me

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

i literally have so many. there’s @space-peachx, @bears-again, @narwhalsarefalling, @ravenssama, and @miishiiwrites (for some reason it wasnt letting me tag ur main asldhasd) plus a SHIT ton of anon commentors who i love just as dearly!!! i have a lot more but these are the most common commenters and i love them sm i could literally die.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

there are like three fics like that and ofc im gonna list them all

hands down the fic i’ve reread the MOST in the shortest period of time is Sunset in Reverse by @demenior (who i cannot tag for some reason but i hope they know that i love their fic dearly)

there’s this i n c r e d i b l e sickfic by @bosstoaster that i just adore called Drown Out Your Mind that just breaks my heart all types of ways

and there’s this OTHER fic that also fucks me up called strength of the small by @nowweareunstoppable in which pidge is bad ass and also gets fucked up and i literally rec it to all my friends i love it so much

(also a special shoutout to been @velkynkarma‘s Whisper in the Dark. whenever i have the need for a good creepin’ out i LOVE to revisit this one because like... just the description of the Final Boss (tm) alone is enough to give me the willies)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

oof

i have 449 bookmarks from like atleast 10 different fandoms, and about 411 fics i’m subscribed to, give or take a couple because Math. most of them are completed though, but i don’t go through and take them off because i’m a lazy hoe 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

well i just looked up my ao3 and it says i have the most in ‘Alternate Universe - Video Game World’ asjdhsaldhsja aka my mmo au. but technically i think the au i write the most is Modern bc i’m but a simple farmer with a limited mindscape

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

i have 22 user subscriptions vs 199 work subscriptions + 383 bookmarks in total. nice nice nice

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

probably something with a more serious tone (compared to the fluffy wuffy fics i write) like, for example, fatphobia, suicide, and literally just conflict in general. i always feel like im trivializing all of it no matter how hard i try so i just... Give Up because i dont want the backlash ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

i really want to get better at writing conflicts, as stated above lajhdlsadhls. but also i want to be better at planning out stories because i usually give up near the 3/4ths point of literally every multi-chaptered thing i’ve written

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

definitely rarepairs. voltron is like the biggest fandom i’ve ever been in and my biggest ships are all hunk ships, and all of those are rarepairs OTL

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

35!

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

ignoring the fics i’ve completed and posted on ao3, i have about 52. including the above equals 87!!! m a t h

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

i try to write them down but if i write down the thingy i really want to focus on in the fic then i won’t want to write it anymore because it’s out of my head. OTL its a complicated process.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

literally never in my life. 

16. How did you discover AO3?

definitely tumblr. i was in the dragon age fandom and there was this fic called The Little Kadan which had fem!inquisitor/iron bull + a baby so like i was all over that asap. i’m too shy to tag the author but u can find them on tumblr at sickly-writes ,,,,,,

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

nah not at all. i’m pretty Niche

(i.e. if you love shunk and/or heith + cuddling, i’m your gal. but anything else is pretty rare OTL)

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

not in the SLIGHTEST. i call them all babes in my head bc i love them tho

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

i don’t know this @fenri personally but i love their writing so much. i admire their style a WHOLE TON and i think i may have sort of modeled my own after theirs? 

like i’m just thinking about it now but it’s definitely after i reread their fic (*ahem ahem* Like Crystal Guts) for about the fifth time that i started my whole ‘prose-y’ writing, which is very very recent aldjhsal

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

be confident in ur writing! if someone says they don’t like it, your work just isnt for them. just because one single person doesn’t like it doesn’t mean its bad!

r e r e a d what you wrote! i use fromtexttospeech.com to catch like... sentence structure/grammatical errors when my eyes are too tired and i find it helps a lot!

if you find a story you like, try figuring out w h y you like it so much. characterization? the way they describe things? because they use sentence structure you haven’t seen before? and then use that new knowledge to try to make your own writing style your favorite *fingerguns* 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

i only started plotting fics since last november, which was when i participated in my first nanowrimo. i don’t plot for every single story, but if i’m lost or i want to expand a little, i slap down a bunch of ideas in an empty google doc and go from there! 

generally by then i’ve already written atleast a little bit, though.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

i can’t even remember what it says exactly now since i deleted the fic after, but someone said my characterization was bad in a super old inuyasha fic. little like... 12 year old me was so sad ;w; 

i don’t think i’ve ever gotten a bad comment after that, though? which is NICE

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

DEFINITELY any action scene. i can’t make them long or drawn out or else i’ll just be struggling and sweating and generally craving death. i think i just need practice but o o o o f

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

i have a few hot n spicy prompts i need to finish that i probably won’t get to until next year salhdjsa

plus a few christmas presents! 

and also my pirate au, Wander, which only has maybe 2 chapters left before its complete!

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

*sweats loudly*

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

not in the slightest. generally, if i’m in a writing sprint or something, i’ll try to get over a 1000 for whatever it is, but that’s for the total and not for the session. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

definitely! even though i’m still shy, im a lot more open to constructive criticism (if it doesn’t come after my soul ;w;). I’m also getting better at being more descriptive, which is something i’ve always wanted! 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

i have two. don’t make me choose

the first is technically cheating because it’s part of a series, and the series is my favorite BUT I DIGRESS. The Witch and the Mage (which is... one of my less imaginative names) is an MMO AU in which shiro and hunk are in love and also i have a vague plot outlined somewhere in my drive that’s pretty wild if i do say so myself. i may never write it but its there and its my favorite and i love the imagery i used in it.

the SECOND is a heith cuddle fic, because that’s basically my brand as a writer. it’s called home and i wrote it when i was very tired and couldn’t get to sleep. i may have been craving human contact? who knows in this economy. even though i see a number of things i wish i could fix about it, it’s just very self-indulgent in more than one way and its very dear to my heart. 

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

most of the fics i wrote earlier on are pretty bad imo, but i think the ones i hate the most are part of my You Are Beautiful series. it’s grossly out of character (mostly in keith’s case) but it was the first thing i’d written in about four years and i was so proud of it. so it has to stay up for posterity, tbh.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

i really hope to still be writing by then. maybe with my own personal book in its planning stages atleast???�� ( ͡° ͜�� ͡°) gotta be optimistic!!

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

dialogue? also describing rooms. i love just... randomly popping out something that describes the placement of a couch in relation to a door. 

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

i always always always get distracted when i’m trying to write. if i’m in the zone, someone in my family is definitely gonna try to get my attention. it’s sort of become habit for me to just interrupt myself first so that i won’t lose whatever train of thought i had LMAO

33. Why do you write?

i like the way my words sound when i string them together in the right (write... *badum ts*) way. it makes me Feel Good (tm). 

also i love giving characters (that mean something to me) attention, because it’s like i’m giving MYSELF attention. a two-for-one!

Tagging:

@sleepyhunk, @narwhalsarefalling, @space-peachx, @sammythemattressthief, @bears-again, @kurosakiami01, @maternalcube, @ace-pidge, @darlingmuses

+  if anyone i tagged earlier would like to, i would literally be honored if you would do this! but no pressure, ever <3

[tamiddyinyourcity]

Its really mind blowing!

Literally a few nights before, I was deadass glowing from how good things were.

And I always liked things.

Waking up and going, "Oh hey, there he is. He's still got his arm around me and everything. He looks great sleeping", or looking at his eyes.

Soft kisses awake, listening to music while drinking tea.

Sitting ontop of his Prius, (yes, that's how he got those dents,) and looking at the stars and the skyline with eachother.

Ice skating, and helping me not bust my ass several times like that.

All these cute moments are kinda dead now.

On the bright side, it was a good run. It helped me move past the last few months easier than I would've, if going solo. :)

Sucks that my Christmas plans turned from "I wanna give him something special! It's so sweet he wants me around his family for the season", to "I'll just go face down in my bed, and maybe buy a few bottles of aspirin if I *really* wanna ascend into a Holy Night."

....I'm kidding, I wouldn't use pills to kill myself, lmfao. Nah. Foaming at the mouth or falling asleep are the most pussy or depressing ways to end a life.

Or at least, not the most ideal way to end my own.

THIS IS GETTING DEPRESSING, LETS CHANGE TOPICS BRO!

I'll just not think about the future, or the past.

Both will happen at their own pace, and I cant change that.

But what I *can* do, is make sure that I eat something today.

Otherwise, I will faint, and not wake up again until its maybe two days later. Or worse, in a hospital bed.

Objective for the day:

What should I eat that will make me appreciate life some more? IHOP sounds pretty good.....

Nice.

......I wonder does he still read my blog? I think its the only think I havent blocked him on. I never blocked his phone number, but I shouldnt be out here nervous, if we know hes never gonna respond to my voicemail either.

I had a dream the other night. I went to his house to get my fireworks and my candles back, and then just to not walk away and regretting anything, I said he could say whatever he wanted to me, since he has nothing to lose.

(I figured either telling me I was a dick, that he was upset at the breakup, or whatnot would be fair game anyway.)

All I remember is him doing that awkward (yet endearing) snort-chuckle he does when he gets flustered or nervous, and saying "Well, I did check your *blog*, and....-"

Then the dream kinda cuts off.

.........kinda sad how I wish that could happen.

Whatever.

Its too soon to think he'd want anything to do with me, and too late to change the past.

All I can do is say "Fuck you, Patrick, this wasnt my fault," and "Sorry for cursing out your stupid ass friend for intruding in my business, I should have at least waited a few hours, or until the next day to see if you'd be open to talking to me about the situation again".

Which usually loops back to "But I know you wouldnt change your mind or offer any resolution, and still want it all to go your way or the highway, so Fuck you, Patrick, you absolute asshat of a person."

And then I feel alright.

.....stop procrastinating, me! I'll just end up sweating in bed all day and not doing anything. Do SOMETHING, you've got so much potential honey....

Write some more song lyrics, record a video, eat a meal; dying isn't gonna make that boy text you any sooner, or make the memories fade away any quicker.

I shouldn't feel this bad about leaving a relationship headed towards toxic territory, when he knows damn fucking well that he wouldn't feel even half as terrible as I do...

When hes the one who had chose what he chose.

2:27pm, stomach is kinda caving in. Sweating but not feeling okay enough to immediately shower, or else ill end up lying on the floor and letting the steam scald me or something. Then itll be hours, and itll get too dark to leave out.

I'll be alright. Just... forget he exists. Life has always been good. Think about your upcoming date with the other Patrick, and how good itll be to see him again. And your music and artwork. The things you want to create.

That's all. Peace out yalls, see yall later peeps. Imma go to IHOP, text laters.

[gallifvrey]

alright here we go

(i am finally calm enough that i can express my thoughts in words instead of high pitched screaming)

i really, really loved that episode. i thought it was a spectacular end, it frankly went above all of my expectations. the ending w bill was very, very cliche but it was such a nice subversion of tropes, i thought it was really nice and good and i really did like it a lot

the beginning was really good - i liked the two regenerations of the master working together against the doctor (i am def. gonna talk more abt missy later tho) and bill coming back to save the doctor was, really great imo. 

i really liked nardole in this episode, he was a lot more than the comic relief that he had been kinda portrayed as in the previous episodes, and i thought that was really nice, i liked how his hacking skills were utilized in a way that made sense and i liked how he wasnt fazed by anything. he managed to be a funny character while still being a very critical one, 

i thought the master and missy talking and stuff was really interesting, i really really enjoyed their relationship and i thought it was great

i loved the doctor and bill talking. i wanted her to fight him, i wanted her to be human and he woke up and i wanted her to just punch him, to make him apologize for leaving her, for chattering on while she waited for him, because thats what he did. he didnt run down as soon as he realized what was happening (and you know he realized really quickly - he couldve just explained it on their trip down, he didnt have to spend all that time drawing diagrams). i was annoyed and i felt angry on bills behalf i guess that she wasnt able to get angry at him, that she couldnt yell at him like she (and i) wanted to. i almost hope she’ll come back bc i want her to talk abt this with the doctor, but you know, i dont think theyve ever really done that so im not too shocked

i didnt love missy. ive said this a lot before and ill probably keep saying it but i keep thinking that missys redemption arc is... a bit forced. ive been rewatching the previous episodes in the 12th doctor with missy and i realize now that she was moving towards being a “better” person, specifically in regards to the doctor (she didnt want to kill him at every step necessarily), but this whole thing still seems very forced to me, at least. imo the idea of her suddenly standing with the doctor was a bit strange. i havent seen the old episodes so maybe this is some kind of characterization that ive missed, and i know ive only been exposed to an unusually dark and manic version of the master but i liked where she was, i liked how maybe they werent enemies but they were opposites in a way (i think she peaked in the magicians apprentice tbh - that was i think as ~good~ as the master should get, as a character. likes the doctor but has complete disregard for anyone else. her standing with the doctor to save a bunch of people she doesnt know was definitely a weirdly out of character moment, at least to me)

idk maybe i just like watching the doctor suffer (is that weird? probably right?)

i thought her and the master stabbing each other in the back very literally was a good choice, it was interesting to see how the master regenerated, and im interested in how theyre gonna bring the master back (bc i will not believe that they actually killed her off)

the ending, i thought, was so good. i remember reading a thing a while ago about how moffat likes to write his episodes in a very fairytale-like way, and the ending definitely reflected that. i LOVED that bills girlfriend (bc i dont know her name , sry ) showed back up. i loved that so much, i loved how she brought her back to life and made her not a cyberman anymore, and how theyre traveling the universe together. i loved that! them like facing each other and then simultaneously turning and facing out the door and then holding hands and leaving was.. really cliche and seemed a bit silly but you know, ill take it (the gays in space was great), and the bit w bill crying on top of the doctor and then saying “when theres tears, theres hope” or something was also a lot but also sweet, and ill take it bc i was so emotional by that point in the episode i needed something that was stupidly sweet

AND THEN! AFTER THEY LEAVE!! THATS WHEN IT ENDED!! the montage of the companions saying doctor! just i cried!! this was the beginning of my descent, i was ready to depart and then it just ! kept getting worse! i keep talking abt how much i wish they made references to the old seasons (ex. when clara had to lose her memories for the doctor to say like, ive done this before and i hated it) but then all the sudden they did and i was ! not prepared! bc then he goes “i dont want to go” and like, there went my consciousness and boy was i glad that i was watching this w my family who wouldnt judge me bc i was not being rational

and then “when the doctor was me” like i didnt even realize he said that at first honestly i was so caught up in him saying i dont want to go and being emotional bc of that that i couldnt.. handle it, and him refusing to regenerate was so sad!! it was so much like 10 and 10s was the saddest regeneration i couldnt handle it!!! i am not prepared for this christmas special!!! !!!!!!

in conclusion, i loved the episode and am not ready to have my heart ripped out when it comes to the christmas special

[smokeblooded-blog1]

REALLY LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY.  RULES.  repost ,   don’t  reblog  !    tag  10  ! good  luck  !  TAGGED.  i took it from myself bc i was bored  TAGGING. spiritmiinded, soughtdawn, clandestinesque, spyblooded, starveincd, pastryblooded, and anyone else who wants to do it who hasnt already

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :  jean otus NICKNAME :  the cigarette peddler / receiver depending on the translation, the cigaretter receiver jean AGE :  thirty BIRTHDAY :  unknown ETHNIC  GROUP :  white NATIONALITY :  german (? subject to change) LANGUAGE / S : english, japanese, german SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  bisexual ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION : biromantic RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :  verse dependent, canonically single HOME  TOWN / AREA :  born in the Bādon district of the country (at the beak of the bird) CURRENT  HOME : he currently still lives in Bādon in a large apartment complex (he lives on the top floor, but only because he and his sister manage the building) PROFESSION :  second in command at the ACCA inspections department

PHYSICAL.

SKIN : fair skin that is scarless for the most part, no acne or notable blemishes except for some small birthmarks of no particular shape on his lower back EYES:  sky blue; the perfect blue color. they are often shaped in a tired, disinterested look of a poker face, but when smiling the softness is shown through them the most. more emotion can be seen through jean’s eyes than any other feature on him FACE :  his face is rather long for the most part, not a baby face in any form, but it doesnt look scrawny or make him look sickly either. he has a longer nose as well that is more lengthy on the bridge than the point itself LIPS :   arent particularly special. theyre not too thick, not too thin, and they are often in a straight line / resting. they dont get chapped often because he drinks enough to keep them hydrated and they are not bitten or chewed at in any form. when smiling, small dimples (barely noticiable) come on his cheeks  COMPLEXION : isnt anything particularly special. its not like he keeps his skin flawless (he has no particular interest in that), but jean is one of the lucky ones who is blessed to not have much acne. he cleans his face in the shower / when its dirty, but with that taken out of the picture, jean doesnt participate in washing it to the excess. its just naturally free of acne and other blemishes. he doesnt get red faced either, nor does he (or would he) wear makeup to cover it up BLEMISHES : besides the small birthmarks on his lower back, he doesn’t have any SCARS :  none TATTOOS :  none HEIGHT :  177.5cm / 5′10″ WEIGHT :  72.57kg / 160lbs BUILD :  has muscle, but nothing extraordinary. his strongest muscle point is in his wide / broad shoulders, but the rest of body just has lean muscle. he appears rather thin, so you wouldnt be able to tell he had much muscle unless stripping him down / seeing him shirtless / etc. he has a flat stomach, but there isnt much developed muscle through his stomach. the abs are there, but nothing noticable, really FEATURES :  nothing particularly notable ALLERGIES : bee stings. there arent many bees in Bādon, but when jean travels to other districts he often has to bring medicine with him just in case he does get stung USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  golden hair with an undercut underneath a near-bowl hair style USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  he typically is expressed with a poker face. jean doesnt smile often, or really show many other expressions for that matter, but all of his expressions are vibrant (but short lasting). his smile comes out a lot when hes drunk USUAL  CLOTHING : typically hes seen wearing his ACCA uniform, with or without the jacket 

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S :  losing the people hes close to (i.e lotta and niino for the most part) ASPIRATION / S :  completing his work every day, leaving ACCA somewhere down the line, finding niino (post ep8) POSITIVE  TRAITS :  adaptable, calm, candid, capable, compassion, determined, easygoing, empathetic, faithful, friendly (though it sometimes seems otherwise), honest, open-minded, punctual, etc NEGATIVE  TRAITS :  absent-minded, bored (sometimes), distracted, dull (before getting to know him), oblivious, etc MBTI : DEFENDER (ISFJ-A) ZODIAC : virgo (subject to change) TEMPEREMENT :  phlegmatic SOUL  TYPE / S :  the helper ANIMALS :  mouse VICE  HABIT / S :  SMOKING FAITH :  christian (however, he is not very spiritual. religion does not matter much in his life, he just has his basic beliefs in the entity itself) GHOSTS ? :  yes, but not a strong belief AFTERLIFE ? :  yes REINCARNATION ? : probably not ALIENS ? :  yeah he would POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  ACCA EDUCATION  LEVEL :  high school graduate

FAMILY.

FATHER :  a poor man prior to managing an apartment complex (the one that was passed to jean and lotta after his death) that does not have much known about him. jean doesnt talk about him much because of his higher fondness towards his mother, but his father was not a particularly bad man. currently deceased from a train wreck MOTHER :  a woman who was formerly the second princess of Dowa, but was removed from the royal roster for the sake of the country. she kept this to herself, even her husband and children when she met them / they were born, because she had faked her death to become a commoner on the streets. currently deceased from a train wreck SIBLINGS :  lotta otus, approximately eighteen to twenty years old, is the younger sibling of jean. she has a striking resemblance to her mother, as jean notes, and currently lives with him in their shared apartment on the top floor. has a love for bread, pasteries, and just food in general really. she and jean are quite close to one another EXTENDED  FAMILY :  king falke II (jean’s grandfather, the current king in power), prince schwan (cousin), other royal family members NAME  MEANING / S :  jean’s first name in hebrew quite literally means “gift from God” while otus means “keen of hearing” in Greek HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :  historically speaking, jean is of a royal family bloodline. he does not know this for most of his life, nor does he care about it once he finds out that he is apart of it. he would have been the next king in line instead of schwan if not for his mother being removed off of the roster, but his bloodline is still all the more royal

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  he hasnt read a book unrelated to work in some time, so he doesnt really have one MOVIE :  see above 5  SONGS :  jean listens to a lot of untitled instrumentals, mostly because it appeals to him. he will listen to other things on and off, but his favorite thing is typing in something along the lines of “relaxing music” in the search bar and clicking one of the 8 hour videos and just letting it play. he doesnt need to know the tracks, theyre good enough for him like this DEITY :  speaking as hes christian, god / jesus obv HOLIDAY : christmas MONTH :  he doesnt have one SEASON : spring. jean likes things to be mild and, despite how flimsy spring can be, he doesnt mind it too much. he likes when its not too hot, not too cold, but doesnt like it to be as chilled and rainy as it can be in fall. spring brings about rain as well, but not nearly as often as fall does, so this is a higher preference for him PLACE : at the bar / anywhere with niino, at home / anywhere with lotta, a bakery, the roof of the apartment complex WEATHER :  he likes sun, but he doesnt like when its too hot. it has to be like, mild, because if its too hot then its uncomfortable for him. he likes when its breezy as well but, like previously said, not too much. just enough so that it isnt chilly SOUND :  niino / lotta’s laugh, a gentle breeze blowing, rain SCENT / S :  strawberry, cigarette smoke, baking bread, faint cologne scents (i e: a specific brand that niino wears), warm food cooking TASTE / S :  strawberries, tobacco, bread (specifically tough bread) FEEL / S :  the cigarette between his fingers, people he trusts rubbing his back, people he trusts petting his hair, silk ANIMAL / S :  cats NUMBER :  he doesnt have one COLORS :  blue

EXTRA.

TALENTS :  figuring out when someone is lying to him (for the most part), investigating BAD  AT :  getting close to people, expressing his emotions in a way that isnt just deadpan / poker faced, cooking, holding his liquor, dealing with social events (he isnt anxious, he just doesnt like being at them that much) TURN  ONS :  body worship (receiving), care, confidence, dirty talk, minimal marks, praise, soft biting (more to be added most likely) TURN  OFFS :  being too rough (he likes it softer, more making love-esque), having to beg too much, too much teasing (a little is okay) (more to be added most likely) HOBBIES :   drinking with niino, smoking (is this considered a hobby? idk), listening to music, going to bakeries TROPES :  “Royal blood”, “Smoking is cool”, etc QUOTES :  “I never noticed I had an observer you’d assigned to me. But he isn’t a straightforward guy.” (to Grossular, about Niino) || “I smell tobbaco on you.” || “I try not to think of my subordinates as exceptional. After all, doubting them is my job.” (to Eider)

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?           A1 :   what does ??????? this question even mean asldkfj Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?           A2 :   itd probably be a lot of soft music. nothing super upbeat like pop and nothing like rock either. itd be maybe soft indie music, instrumentals, stuff like that Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?           A3 :   you know, i honestly wasnt going to write any muse from this fandom? i figured the rp part of it would be dead after i couldnt find anyone after some time, but a few of my friends got wound up with the show after i talked about it so much and after they decided to make blogs, i made the decision to join them. even though i dont get that many interactions and this blog is still extremely new, i love being on jean. hes a really good character and im glad my friends convinced me to write him Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?           A4 :   honestly, it didnt come immediately. i never disliked jean, but i thought he was rather plain at first, which is to be understandable when you know how he is. i didnt think there was anything striking about him at all and i was more attracted to niino (i still am attracted to / love niino). that said, jean started to come to live more as the anime progressed and i found that hes really just a sweet bean and is VERY cute and i love him so so much. i think it was episode 3 when he was blushing / being precious and adorable while drunk that really got me getting gay for him Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.           A5 :  definitely the fact that he smokes. i dont hate people because they smoke, but i have an extreme aversion to smoking due to the fact that i not only have asthma and its very bad for me to be around, but because of the fact that it smells awful Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?           A6 :  mmm, i think we’re similar in the fact that we’re pretty introverted and / or reserved and we like being away from social events and such Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?           A7 :   i hope he likes me. i love him so Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?         A8 :   honestly ? all of the interactions on my blog so far are great. my niino spyblooded and i already have like a kajillion threads and he loves their niino so so much <3. clandestinesque and i have an interesting thread and im not quite sure where we’re going to go with it but ive enjoyed it so far !!. spiritmiinded / astrallance and i also have good interactions too. we had great ones when i was still on keith too and im super happy that im still writing with them over here :’) Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 :   i  dont really get inspiration, im just kinda here, writing because i enjoy it lmfao Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?           A10 :   idk exactly but 2-3 hours probably ? longer than it took me to complete keiths i know that

[ichigo-skaii]

i woke up angry at him

why didn’t he just use a condom

why didn’t he act like he respected me

why did he have to sleep with a skank

he questioned whether or not he should do it but he did it and now she’s pregnant

he keeps calling me “love” and “dear” as if he still loves me like he used to

she wants to keep the fucking baby

she literally tricked him and didnt tell him she wasnt on birth control

she wanted a kid for awhile

she didn’t give a shit that that was someone else’s boyfriend and that he wasnt hers

and he didnt care whether or not she got pregnant or else he wouldve used a condom

and now he’s acting like he never loved me

as if our hearts didn’t touch

as if he didnt disassociate for a long time because of me

he told me he appreciated me

he told me to move on today as if he didnt tell me just a few weeks ago that he didnt actually respect me enough to wear a condom and not get a girl pregnant because he couldnt keep his dick in his pants for a few weeks when i was away at college

i told him it was okay, but i didnt expect him to move on so fast like that

i’m so hurt and i feel so so betrayed

i mean, i slept with a girl but it’s not like i could get her pregnant

maybe i should write poetry or put this into my art

my art would just be angry tbh

i would probably literally just stab a canvas

it sucks being back home where we used to sleep together and be together almost 24/7

we talked about moving to kansas city together

but my last boyfriend talked about moving to oregon in a big tree house with our two other friends

and i thought it was silly

but k talked about me going to the art school

and him taking care of me instead of the other way around for once

i took care of his family and they dont care about how much he hurt me i guess

they honestly loved the fuck out of me, his dad said he’d never seen k connect with someone so well before

a lot of people said that

which also makes it harder

it sucks having loved someone who can disassociate and disconnect so easily from emotions, because all they’ll do is tell you to get over it and that it was so easy for them to stop loving you

the first time you make a genuine connection and dont feel disconnected for once and it’s ruined by distance or a lack of condom

i wonder if this would have happened had i not of gone to new england

i never have expectations for other people, especially not k, because he didn’t do shit

he doesn’t work hard for anything and nothing motivates him

not even me

or at least.. barely

i got him out of his depressive state, i got him out of the house, i made him get out and spend time with friends and people and i stopped fucking around with this 23 year old guy because i felt a connection with him and saw that i could do so much better

and then i figured out

oh wait no i cant

at least the 23 year old guy...

idk he didn’t do anything for me

k did a lot of things for me

i want to remember the good times, but i’ll stay connected if i keep doing that

how he treated me the best of all my boyfriends and guys i’d ever been with

how he was the first guy of too many to actually make me cum

and eat me out too tbh

at least long enough for me to fucking cum and feel loved

i know i need to cut all contact with him but he was my best friend too

i cant say that about another boyfriend i’ve had

k was my boyfriend and my best friend and he betrayed me and he doesn’t love me and he didn’t respect me enough to use a condom because i thought we were special that we didnt need to because we loved each other and i was on birth control and a fucking responsible adult who didnt want children let alone make someone else suffer by getting pregnant and making someone be in my debt forever and ever

he said “why is everyone trying to ruin my life” and i saw his dad coming out and maybe even his mom

i dont know if i want to see him because i’m afraid of risking seeing that pregnant skank

but i also want free weed

if he even gets that for me

i honestly cant trust him anymore

he’s lied to me so much until i called him out when i was drunk one time and yelled at him to take me home and answer questions and then we fucked and it was good and we laughed in the kitchen and i thought maybe later in life we could get back together but that’s too much to think about

that’s too far ahead in the future to even fathom

it’s like trying to imagine having a million dollars, you can’t do that because it’s so... impossible i guess to obtain

i only have high expectations for myself, i set my standards lower and lower every time i get a boyfriend and i get fucked over time and time again

he was a college drop out, but he was so smart and had high aspirations and then i learned he had no motivations to get better for himself let alone anyone else

he said something to me like “you learned how a guy should treat you” and “go find a guy who will treat you good too”

and he did treat me well, he never got upset with me, he was always patient and he understood that my mental illness fluctuated and that i wasn’t changing, but that my mental illness fluctuated

i’m only 18, i’ll find someone like that again but i’m afraid i wont too, because k is one of a kind as we all are

i wish i knew how to stop being angry at him

i don’t hold grudges, i’m going to move on, but i’m so tired of being angry

i know i need to feel everything out, cry it all out, yell about it for awhile

i think after he gives me this weed i’ll finish blocking him on stuff

i blocked him on snapchat

where we started talking, where it’s easier to see his face and adore it

even back when i was a sophomore in high school his smile always got to me and i barely even knew him then

his smile is honestly one of the things i fell in love with

when we were both high in my car and i look over at him and he smiled at me and then grabbed the wheel because i didnt want to look away from his face

we drove around for hours and listened to music and every time we did it got later and later and he stopped caring about when he had to go home even though he used to say he didnt wanna stay out too late because his grandmother wouldnt like it even though he’s 20

i miss who he used to be and how much he loved me

he had the potential to do big things, and he fucked himself up

he fucked up really bad

he says people who have kids become famous all the time, but i dont believe that with him

ugh why do i still want to buy him gifts though

i want to get him a dad robe and dad slippers

he’s gonna be an awful father but at least he’ll look cool

i’ll wait until his birthday and see how i feel before dropping $30 on a guy who doesn’t love me anymore but says he cares about me and bullshit

he said no matter what there will always be a place in his heart for me

i can’t tell whether or not hes lying

he cried

he doesn’t feel things and he’s only cried two other times in the past i dont even know 8 or 10 years

i wonder if he’ll feel bad when he sees that i gave him baby socks

he said he feels awful for hurting me

he owes me $200

if he ever actually lands a job maybe he’ll pay me back

maybe i should buy him a box of condoms for christmas instead

i wish he felt anything at all