#and i know whatever that person does rn wont be what they truly want to

[frog-with-no-therapy]

Watching someone slowly come to the realisation that no actually, you were part of whatever the fudge happened to them, and that if you had payed enough attention you would have maybe, probably, most likely, saved them much early on and maybe even prevented it but you didn't for whatever reason

How do you even apologize for something like that in a way that won't sound made up or as an excuse or sounds as if you're only saying that out of guilt, rather than the care you should have given them ages ago?

Especially when your go to coping mechanisms is to forget everything and anything and you accidentally forgot most of the wrongs you've done to them and your reasoning for doing so

How do you apologise when that's happens

[cosmicdream222]

sorry to be morbid again but do you think we can manifest passing away early? im honestly past the point of wanting to exist and just want to get over this thing that im supposed to be a successful person but im not so idrc if i do or dont live

so many ppl on tarot related blogs ask about their fs but if we dont meet them does it matter and would they just move on with their life? like i think u have to have ur life put together but its genuinely so hard to do these days so i hope my fs wont be sad at all when i die cause i wouldnt be able to make tnem truly happy anyway cause im not happy myself with how things have been

ideally i wouldve done something in a sport or music but that ship sailed long ago and now im so stuck but id hate to be reliant on someone else and i shouldve moved out into my own place but housing is ridiculously expensive where im from and taxes dont help anyone. it takes years and years to pick up a talent so i have wasted those years and ik im just going to struggle to get past 50 if i were to have my own place bc minimum wage jobs suck arse and i dont want to be doinng something lame not that its lame for others to do it, its just not what i wanted to have done at all

you cant even get a degree without needing to fork out hundreds and thousands so yeah none of its easy and sure you can try subliminals but lets face it the systemn we are in is fucked up big time so rn i cant even bother with daydream about how it could have been or the what ifs i had done smth differently or if i had any talent but then theres still the, im too old and too foreign to do any sort of music as most successful groups nowadays are korean and even if i tried to do what they did it would probs end up killing me some way or other

its just either about having to be wealthy or having some type of talent both of which id fail at anyway as i shouldve done it years ago like a normal person who goes from being so so at something to being great at something.

i truly think i was born in wrong generation or i just shouldnt have been born at all then i wouldnt have to fret constantly abt these types of things. i think if the government genuinely sorted shit out for once and helped society ppl would be happier to work for less but im not happy at all with the current state of things. i feel guilty for existing and i hate it sm like god just let me end my life pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee there is nothing worthwhile in store, ik we could try shifting subliminals but have those genuinely worked? like u exit this reality and straight into the one you wanted originally? but then i might as well just pass away cause id have to know what i want in another reality

My dude, take a deep breath. You’ve ranted about all this same exact stuff a bunch of times now and I’m just gonna repeat the same thing I said to you last time:

All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter.

I’ll add to that: Whatever some tarot reader or TikTok psychic says definitely does not matter. Idk what fs means but I’m guessing something like a twin flame and that is especially 1000% bullshit.

The spiritual community has created an incredible amount of false narratives to make excuses and blame outside forces for why things aren’t going their way. None of it is real. Seriously forget everything you learned about fate, karma, astrology, or anything else that’s saying something else is in control. Reality is an illusion. YOU are in control.

You don’t have to identify with any old bullshit anymore. Stop repeating the old story and think about what you do want. You can have literally ANYTHING! You say you don’t know what you want, ok, but you know what you don’t want, right?

I don’t want to work -> I want to live in a reality where I don’t have to work.

There, you just figured out something you want! It’s that simple.

I totally agree that this society is a horrific shitshow and I don’t want to be aware of it anymore either. But it’s just one version of reality available. It’s not the only reality and it’s not the original reality. You don’t have to be aware of it anymore if you don’t want to be.

You also don’t have to involve death at all. There’s a lot of misconception in the shifting world which has lead to concepts like “permashifting” and “respawning”, but those just all assume this current reality is the original one. It’s not.

Have you watched The Matrix? It’s really more like a documentary than science fiction lol. Just like in the movie, we are being tricked by a simulated virtual reality, controlled by a society that’s using us for our energy. Just think of reality as an escape room. We’re escaping the Matrix. Once you figure out how to leave, you don’t ever have to go back. There are infinite realities available to you, and none are more real or right or original than any others. Remember, death is not an ultimate, nor does it exist in all realities.

I am scripting a utopian reality with my best friend where there is no death, aging, or illness. Everyone is a master manifestor so they always get whatever they want. Nobody has to work and there isn’t even a need for money because we can manifest anything instantly. We can just relax and get massages all day. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and abundance. Animals are treated as equals to humans, we can all communicate with each other, and we can all fly and teleport. Because why the f not? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

And if you really don’t want to exist (I’m guessing that other ask from a couple weeks ago is you too lol) you don’t have to exist in this reality, or any other. Removing your awareness from all physical reality is known as entering the void. You exist there as pure consciousness, and you can stay there as long as you like. It is you as your highest self. There’s nothing negative about it.

As for the whole subliminal thing, shifting subliminals are just one method. Shifting = manifesting = deciding what you want and experiencing it. It’s something we are always doing and is available to all of us. You don’t need any methods to shift besides intention. We just use methods to convince/calm the annoying human brain that is programmed with society’s limits.

[normal-thoughts-official]

With a little help from your friends (the help is praise kink and the friend is your boyfriend)

Who would have thought that fucking your boyfriend senseless cures dysphoria.

Alternatively: being a dom is actually something that can be so gender,

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Pairing: Andy Kang/Tom Sato

Additional tags: let's see, mild mentions of transphobic and racist comments, Comfort Sex, the filthiest comfort sex uve ever seen but WHATEVER, dom andy kang, sub tom sato, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Dom/sub Play, Collars, Praise Kink, basically someone says transphobic shit and then tom rides him and talks about how wonderful andy is, except tom has also been in denial for a few days and he's super horny, and andy gets in domspace and everything is great and nothing hurts, Fluff and Smut, Humor, cuz u know these two are incapable of taking anything too seriously, Established Relationship, oh they're both in college and they go to the same college cuz i said so, set after the events of it lives beneath, that's it I think, trans author if that matters to you

Read it on Ao3

Andy isn't having a great day. It's not a terrible, clawing-at-his-chest-trying-to-deal-with-dysphoria kind of day, but he's been trying out this "not comparing everything to the worst possible scenario" thing his therapist has been talking about, so still, not a great day.

The thing is, he thought college would be easier. And it is, in a lot of ways. For starters, there is no evil monster spectre trying to kill him, which gives college at least 5 points over high school. And his uni has a pretty solid queer club, so he knows other trans people there. Some of them are even non-white. Some of them he even actually, truly likes. And most of the time, he feels like he has a place to turn to, and people to support him. He's not alone. He has people who get him. And that makes all the difference.

But basketball is still a nightmare, and his knee still hurts when it's cold, and winter is officially starting now.

People still hesitate to pass the ball to him, and it's frustrating, because Andy fought so hard to earn his old team's trust and now he's back at square zero. And well, Andy has been gaining this team's trust, because he's good, goddamn it, and his team owes at least the last three victories to him. He's not hesitant to say that, especially because otherwise no one will. And he can see that they look at him differently now - nod at him in the hallways, at least, talk to him in the locker room, pass him the fucking ball if his position is very, very open.

But if he weren't trans and Asian, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get all of that - or well, just that, really. He has a full sports scholarship despite the fact that he had a broken leg, had to retake his last year of high school, and doesn't even have the body type for basketball. If he weren't Asian, if he weren't trans, his team would have assumed his greatness from day one. Instead, he has to show it to them time and time again only to get them to reluctantly admit maybe he's not bad. No one calls him "triple threat" anymore, but he still has to work three times harder than anyone else, and it's frustrating.

And usually Andy can deal with it, but right now his knee hurts, and he can't afford that because he'll lose everything he's worked for if his teammates know that his fucking knee hurts. So, he braved training and then he got the fuck out of there without even changing so no one would see him wince. Which means he's still in basketball shorts, which are short, in the cold, which means his leg hurts more.

At times like these, he's thankful he never got the chance to go through with his promise to break his other leg kicking Noah's ass. Because he would have, and then both his legs would be hurting right now, and two legs that hurt every time it's cold is just too many legs.

No comparing to the worst possible scenario, he tells himself. Therapy is so hard. If he had known there would be homework, he would have thought twice about going.

And that's, apparently, the cue for his phone to go off. Andy smiles, knowing who it is even before he opens the message, because only one person messages him during class, and it's the only person he wants to hear from right now.

Tom <3 sent you a message

Grinning like a fool, he opens it.

Tom <3: dude, im horny af rn. the fuck

Finally, good news, Andy thinks, smiling. Then he remembers why Tom is so horny, and suddenly this day is great, actually.

He quickly types a reply.

You: who wouldve thought that 3 days of denial would make this happen

Tom <3: ill have u kno i was very good at holding it together before today

You: yeah, dw. soon u wont have to hold it anymore ;)

Tom <3: that flirt was terrible, dude

You: said the guy whos calling me dude for the second time in this conversation

Tom <3: what else should i call u? 😩

Andy thinks for a second. Tom and him do longer-term denial every once in a while, but they aren't in a 24/7 relationship. Does Andy really want to go there right now? Yes. Well, that was fast. Okay then.

You: how about "sir"

Tom's reply comes fast as lightning.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

Andy smirks at himself.

You: uve been hoping that id say that, havent u?

Tom types for just a little longer this time.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

----

Many things are wrong with the world, and Andy doesn't mean to make light of the other things, but the fact that Andy can't simply go and fuck his boyfriend whenever he wants is definitely one of them. It should be, like, financial compensation or something. We're so sorry the school environment is transphobic, here, have a free sex pass. Sounds fair to him. But instead, he still has two hours of classes to go through, and Andy is a better guy than he wishes he was, so he tells Tom to pay attention to class instead of sexting him, because he doesn't want Tom to struggle even more with his course when he had already had to leave it once. God damn true love or whatever.

The point is, by the time classes are finally over, his day is back to not being that great; he's tired, and his leg hurts. He gets to their car after Tom does, and Tom takes one look at him, and says, "I'm driving".

Andy crosses his arms. "Why?"

"Because your leg hurts," Tom answers, rolling his eyes and taking Andy's bag from him and putting it in the trunk.

Andy looks down at his legs. He wasn't limping. There aren't any bruises. How the hell-

"It's cold and you're in shorts. I'm not an idiot, dude."

Right. Yeah. Right. Of course. Tom knows. It's… It's alright.

"Bad day at training?" Tom asks, slowly, sympathetically, and Andy feels himself settle in his skin a little bit.

"The usual," he answers, getting inside, and, as always, Tom gets the hint.

---

Their uni's dorms are gender-segregated because these guys have still not gotten the memo that people of the same gender fuck; and Andy wasn't willing to deal with cis college guys' bullshit, much less cis college girls' bullshit; and the uni wouldn't let him simply pick Tom as his roommate. So, they rented out a beat up apartment right next to it instead. It took a little longer to get there, but it wasn't a lot longer, and well, it was worth it.

Tom gets inside, still carrying Andy's bag because he's transphobic and unfair and had taken it and bolted up running so Andy wouldn't have a chance to argue with him. And Andy can't run after him with his leg hurting, which kind of proves Tom's point that he should carry Andy's bag. All in all, Tom is the worst, and he turns up the heat as soon as he gets inside and sits Andy down on the bed, kneeling in front of him to take a look at Andy's knee.

He's silent for a while, massaging his knee until Andy sighs and throws his head back, before Tom plants a little kiss on his knee and looks up at him. Andy's knee always stops hurting when Tom kisses it better. It's a little embarrassing, if Andy is being honest, but still- nice. Really nice.

They stay for a little longer like this, Tom humming and massaging his knee and Andy not meeting his eyes, until the question inevitably comes.

"What happened?" Tom asks, not letting up with the smooth movements of his hands, his eyes big and sincere with worry.

"Nothing. Just the cold. You know how my knee gets."

"I meant, for you to leave practice without putting some warmer clothes on."

Andy looks away. "It was nothing."

"Dude, are you expecting me to go, 'okay, yeah, that totally makes sense and I believe you', or…?"

Andy laughs, despite himself, and throws his good leg up in an almost-kick to pretend he's retaliating. "Don't be an ass."

"I'm not. Come on, Andy. You know you can tell me."

"It's nothing, it's just- Kyle-"

"Oh boy."

Andy laughs. "Yeah." But then he grows serious, "the thing is, he doesn't mean any harm, you know? I know he's not saying it to hurt me, and so that just means that, like... that it's true."

Tom's hands stop their movements, rubbing soothing circles around his knee instead. "What did he say?"

Andy doesn't look at him. "He asked me why I didn't stay on the women's team. Said that I could have an advantage, cuz Asian people are androgynous anyway, so no one would notice that I was taking hormones."

Tom just stares at him in shock for a moment.

"And I was like, 'dude, I've been on T for three years, I'm pretty sure they would notice the changes'. And he was like, 'yeah, but you still look like a lot of Asian girls with short hair, you could write it off if you wanted', and I just…" He trails off.

Tom waits in silence for a second, seeing if Andy finds his words, before asking, "Is Kyle, like, okay?"

Andy scoffs. "I didn't try and fight him, if that's what you're asking."

"No, I mean, does this dude have a screw loose or something?"

"He's very bad at figuring out what is or isn't offensive, yeah, but it's not like he really cares, he just won't go out of his way to antagonize me."

"No, I just- Andy, even when you were a little kid with huge pigtails, anyone would have to be crazy to see you as a girl."

Andy bites the inside of his lip. "You're just saying that."

"I'm not. It's just wrong, man. It was so obvious that it was wrong. Anyone could tell. There's nothing about you that says 'girl' to anyone who's looking."

Andy sighs, finally risking looking at Tom's eyes. There's overwhelming sincerity there, and Andy instinctively looks away. "I guess. Maybe. I don't know. It just got me thinking... Maybe T didn't change anything. Maybe I look exactly the same, maybe it was just hopeful thinking that had me thinking it would change anything, maybe it's just- pointless to even try-"

"No, no, come on," Tom says, and the interruption is so sudden it makes Andy look at him again, just in time to see Tom shaking his head vigorously. "There's no way you believe that. What about this bad boy over here?" He smiles, reaching out softly to caress Andy's neck. "You have more of an Adam's Apple than me, dude. And we both know you don't need T to be a guy, but thinking it made no difference is just crazy and you know it. What about those dry pecs? These broad shoulders of yours? Your voice, I mean, come on. You even smell different, man. How can it be pointless, if even your scent is different?"

Andy looks to the side again, but he can feel himself smile. "Well, when you put it like that..."

Tom gets up, but stays close, putting his hand on Andy's cheek, slowly, as if testing the waters, before turning him slightly to look at him. "Andy. Kyle is an idiot and a transphobic racist who's too damn lazy to realize how fucked up he is. And you shouldn't have to deal with that, and I'm sorry, and I will set him on fire."

Andy laughs. "You can't keep threatening to set every shitty teammate I have on fire."

"I can, because it keeps making you laugh," Tom says, smiling. Well. Andy can't argue with that. "My point is, you wouldn't listen to a word this dude says if it were about anyone else, so don't listen to him when he talks about you, okay? T or no T, you're no girl, and you don't look like a girl, and regardless of whether or not Kyle's dumb ass noticed it, your transition has been doing you good. Remember when your voice started to crack and get all weird? I've never seen anyone be that happy about it."

Andy laughs. "It was pretty awful."

"No, it was great, 'cause you loved it. Do you want me to pull out the 'before' pictures we took in case this happened? Look at yourself, dude. You fit so much better in your own skin, you know? And like, you've always been gorgeous, but-"

"Come here," Andy interrupts, pulling him down because Tom is standing and Andy is sitting and Andy is already height-challenged. And Tom goes willingly, carefully straddling Andy's lap and meeting him in a kiss. Finally, Andy thinks.

Tom kisses him softly, slowly, one hand resting on the back of Andy's head and the other draped lazily over his shoulder, as he usually does, all gentle and a little hesitant, and Andy is having none of that. So he grabs Tom's hair and deepens the kiss, bringing him closer until their chests are flushed together and he can feel Tom's hips mindlessly making little circles against Andy's belly.

They separate - or well, stop kissing, really, because Tom is still as close to Andy as physically possible, and Andy feels about ready to shoot anyone who tries to push him further away. Tom's a little breathless, and his hips are still making these almost imperceptible movements against Andy, and Andy realizes that he's still grabbing Tom's hair and that he's a little breathless, too.

Tom looks down at him for a second, as if debating something with himself, before saying, "and like, not to be horny during a serious moment, but since we're talking about the effects of T... Andy. Andy. Your clit. Fuck. It's so huge now, and it's got a visible head and you can fuck my face and everything, and I could sing it praises for a week and probably will if you don't stop me right now."

"Hmm, but I like it when you sing me praises," he smiles. "Keep going."

"God, I was hoping you'd say that. Do you have any idea how much I've been thinking about it today? I didn't hear a single word anyone said to me, all I could think about was you fucking my face, pulling my hair, making me worship you and beg to be allowed to suck you off, I wanna serve you like you're my God." Tom's hips start to jerk up, more visibly this time, shameless, and see, this is why Andy's been really, really liking this whole denial thing - Tom has only started to explore his subby side recently, a little ashamed of it to admit it to anyone, even himself. But when he's horny enough, he gets shameless and desperate about what he wants, and god, nothing is more beautiful than Tom when he asks for what he wants. He feels something growing inside of him, not sure if it's warmth or heat, but seeing Tom like that, wanting him, needing him, definitely makes him feel so much better.

"Yeah?" Andy asks, tracing a finger over Tom's shoulder, close to his neck, just to give him goosebumps.

"Fuck yes, I want it so bad, and you deserve it too, Andy… Sir. You're the best Sir I could ask for, I just want… Want you to use me, want you to cum on me, want to kiss you all over and worship you and pleasure you, you're so gorgeous..." He hides his face in Andy's shoulder for a bit, but his hips don't stop moving. He whines, "Andy..."

"Address me properly," Andy snaps, feeling the edges of worry clear from his mind and giving way to that wonderful feeling of clear-mindedness, of power, where nothing matters but his own pleasure. "And maybe I'll give you what you want, if you earn it."

Tom nods, hips full on thrusting now, and Andy snaps again. "Stay still."

And he does, immediately, without question, biting his lip and keeping his eyes shut with effort. Andy can feel his thighs clenching and spasming over his, trying to keep himself from moving, trying to be good. He hums in appreciation, but doesn't praise him for it, not yet.

"I'll get you ready," Andy explains, before reaching to Tom's hair, and starts to undo his bun, as slow as possible, just to watch him squirm. He gets so impatient when Andy undresses him, which is why Andy never misses a chance to drag it out.

He begins by removing Tom's jacket, sliding his hands slowly over his shoulders, then down his back, feeling the firm muscle there, digging his nails just a little bit so he can see Tom's eyes flutter in bliss. When the jacket falls to the floor, Andy begins circling the hem of his shirt, sliding until his hands are back on front, fingers just close enough to Tom's cock for him to feel Tom tense in his hands, so damn sensitive to his touch, so needy. God, he can't get enough of this, but he pretends that he doesn't notice, lets Tom try and keep himself together as Andy's hands slide over his belly, then chest, over the shirt, collarbone, wrapping and resting on Tom's throat just so he feels the threat of it, before Andy finally grabs the back of the shirt's collar and tugs, taking it off. Then he slides his hands back down, making sure to run a finger just over the sensitive spot where his pecs end, then lower, over his ribcage, belly, hips, next to the bruises where Andy had grabbed him the night before, then back to the middle, just over the bulge in his pants, and Tom finally breaks and jerks up slightly, letting out a little moan.

"Sir," he whines, "please, please, I-" Andy continues to circle the head of his cock with his finger, "please!"

"Patience," is all he says, before going back to his painfully light movements, imagining Tom's needy cock twitching under his fingers, imagining the effort Tom makes not to thrust up or keep begging for more, just because Andy told him not to. "You know how much I like playing with your pretty little cock. You said you wanted to serve me, didn't you?"

"Yes- yes, Sir."

He hums, noncommittally, not looking at him. "Good." He teases the tip of his clothed cock some more, enjoying the way his mind zeroes on that, the way he feels like he has all the power and the time in the world. Finally, he pats Tom's thigh once. "Get off, and take off the rest of your clothes. Get the lube and a condom."

Tom gets up, a little shaky, and does as instructed, while Andy reaches down to the drawer under the bed where he keeps his dick's spine and a few of their toys. He gets the spine, then adjusts his packer briefs so he can put it on - best purchase of his life, really, those briefs. So much easier to use than a regular strap-on and it makes the packer sit over his clit just right, making a little suction and pressure. Andy couldn't be happier that he was already wearing them.

Tom gets back with everything he asked right in time for Andy to finish making his dick hard, and goes on to put the condom on and cover Andy's cock in lube with the kind of attention that makes Andy hold his breath. Tom's so careful, yet eager, and adoring, about it. Andy feels like the hottest guy in the world.

Once he gets permission, Tom sits on his cock, slowly, getting adjusted to it - admittedly, Andy went a little overboard when he bought his first cock. Andy waits until Tom is fully seated, littering his neck with little kisses and praise for how well he's taking him, how pretty he looks, until Tom looks fully comfortable and ready to start complaining if Andy doesn't start fucking him in earnest soon. That's when Andy shows him the other item he pulled from the drawer - Tom's favorite collar.

Tom's reaction is instantaneous. He throws his head back, moving over Andy's cock as he lets out a breathless, almost choked moan; the hands he had resting on Andy's shoulders suddenly squeezing full force in his need.

"God, you're such a whore," Andy says, casually, and Tom nods, even as he flushes. The collar is just a simple black one, with a little hoop for the leash, but inside they had it engraved with the words Andy's whore, and it left visible marks that could be seen for a few hours after they took it off. It never failed to drive Tom crazy, so it always drove Andy crazy, too. "Stay still," he warns, and Tom nods, breathing heavily, gripping Andy's shoulder as tight as he can as he stays frozen in place. Andy slowly puts it around his neck, checking with his finger to make sure it's not too tight, and the second he clasps it in place, Tom's whole body relaxes, a content little sigh escaping his lips, his face slack and blissed out. He likes being owned, so much. Andy can't get enough of it. "Good?" he asks, just to make sure it's not too tight.

"Perfect," Tom answers, the words leaving him in a sigh. Andy then ties the leash to the headboard, making sure that they're just far enough from it that he'll be feeling its pull the whole time. Tom lets out a moan. "Thank you, Sir."

Andy smirks. "Now, here's what I want you to do," he says, "you're going to ride me, just like that, and you're not going to come until I tell you to. You're definitely not going to come before I do. If you come close, you'll have to tell me. I want to hear you scream, so make as much noise as you want. Do you understand?"

Tom nods again, almost dizzyingly quick. "Yes, Sir."

"Good, then get to it."

Tom doesn't need to be told twice. He starts riding him, slowly at first, trying to find the perfect angle for Andy - not himself, Andy notices, pleased. Once it's perfect, Andy orders, "faster, slut,” and Tom obeys, as always, working up speed as he tries to keep himself upright, feeling the tug of his leash with every movement, moaning the whole time. “Good boy,” Andy says, and Tom’s responding whine is high pitched, embarrassing, needy. He gets even faster then, starting to babble as he keeps on working, and Andy just stays casually in place, not having to do a single thing while Tom works to give him pleasure.

"Fuck, you're so perfect, did you know that?" Tom asks, quickly sliding down on Andy's cock, making sure he puts all this weight in the end so Andy's cock will press down against his clit just the way he likes, making sure to go as deep as possible, "I've been dreaming of your cock for days, god, Sir, nothing's better than this," he hides his face in Andy's shoulder, speeding up even more, thighs shaking with the effort, and Andy puts a fist in his hair and pulls, watching as Tom throws his head back and lets out a scream, working even faster on Andy's cock. "Sir!," he whines, "oh, thank you, thank you, feels so good, oh my god, please, I'm gonna-"

"No, you won't," Andy interrupts, "I'm not even close to coming yet. Keep working, slut."

"Y-yes, Sir," he whines, going faster, deeper, and Andy makes it harder for him, keeps pulling at his hair to expose his neck, litters kisses and bites on his exposed throat, grabs his thigh and squeezes hard enough to bruise so Tom remembers he's his, his whore, his toy.

"I love it when you get like this," Andy says, doing his best to keep his tone even, even as he's a little breathless from pleasure, from power, "I bet you want to come so bad, don't you? If I'd just give you the word, you'd be making a mess of yourself, coming on my cock right now-"

"Fuck! Yes, yes, Sir, please, I'm so close."

Andy smiles. "No."

Tom whines, so cute, adorable, and Andy is nice enough to leave a little kiss on his shoulder, grounding, calming him down. Before going right back to torturing him, "no, you don't get to come for a long time yet. I want you just like this, on edge, tasting it…" Andy grins. "Tell me how close you are, baby."

"I'm- I'm so close-"

Andy slaps him in the face. "You can do better than that."

"Fuck, I feel like I'm going to explode, I'm so close, I want it so bad, and you feel so good, God, you have no idea what you do to me, Sir, your cock is so perfect, it hurts, I need it- need to cum on your cock, Sir, please-"

"No."

Tom chokes on a moan, and starts to go even faster. He lets out a little whine, something Andy thinks was supposed to be a word, but doesn't come close.

"See," Andy says, "this is why I won't let you come. Look at you - every time I tell you no, you get so desperate, so obedient - it's what you want, isn't it? You want me to keep telling you no, you want to know your pleasure doesn't matter, that you're just here to serve me."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes-"

"Good, then keep going. And beg all you want- I like telling you no, too."

Tom does. He begs, and he says thank you when Andy denies him, again and again and again. Thank you, Sir, thank you for using me, for putting me in my place, I'm yours, I'm yours. And he keeps on praising Andy, praising his cock, his body, the way he fucks him and uses him, no one else makes me feel like this, no one deserves to be worshipped and served like you, Sir, I want to make you feel good-... Until even the clear-minded state of domspace begins to crumble and Andy feels nothing but pleasure, and confidence, and power, and he cums to the sound of Tom praising him and begging, once, twice, three times, until his head is clear again and everything, even the need to chase his own pleasure, is gone, and he just feels perfect.

"Stop," he orders Tom, who's still babbling more and more incoherently, endless praise and worship, and Andy finds that he worships Tom right back. "I want you to get my cock as deep inside you as you can, and stay still. I'm going to play with your dick for a while, and when I tell you to, you can come. You did well today, baby."

Tom nods, suddenly struggling to use his words. "T-thank you, Sir," he says, already frozen in place, thighs clenching with the effort not to move and also shaking with all the effort he did before.

Andy coos. "Poor baby. You were so good to me today. Let me take care of you."

"You always- always do, Sir," Tom replies, and Andy smiles.

He gives Tom a long, slow handjob, making sure Tom stays still through it, enjoying the way his thighs shake on top of Andy's, the pressure of Tom sitting tight on his cock, the way his arms also shake with effort where they rest around Andy's neck; Tom's pretty, exposed throat all marked up around his collar, his breathless little whines as Andy makes sure to do it just the way he likes it, makes his cock turn red with need; watches Tom bite his lip, because when he has to keep still he becomes so quiet and needy, even as the little whines go through his lips… Until Andy finally says, "come for me, baby," and Tom screams through an orgasm that lasts almost a minute, hanging on to Andy as tightly as he can to keep himself anchored through the pleasure.

And then Andy holds him, and Tom holds him back, and they hold each other.

----

A while later, they've cleaned up Tom's cum so it doesn't get all sticky on Andy's chest, and Andy's finally taken off those damn briefs - they're great for sex, but get pretty tight when you wear them for a long time - and Andy holds Tom against his chest. He's humming, contently, and if anyone had told him at the beginning of the day that he'd be comfortable enough to have someone close to him while he's fully naked, he'd - well, probably assume they meant Tom, but still be skeptical.

"How do you feel?" Tom asks after a little while, finally opening up his eyes and saying hello to the world.

"That's supposed to be my line," Andy laughs.

"I feel great. Perfect. Next time, I wanna do it for longer. A week? Let's try a week. Or two weeks…?"

Andy laughs. "Let's not make too big of a leap yet."

"Fine. A week sounds good. Great. And now that we've established that denial is totally bomb for me, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I'm feeling great, too," Andy admits, playing with a little stray of Tom's hair, swirling it around his finger, "I think I needed that, a little bit. Who'd have thought that having you ride me and praise my cock cures dysphoria."

"Every trans top on every forum I've ever visited."

"Let me have my moment of realization," Andy mumbles, faux-annoyed. Tom just laughs, holding him closer.

"I'm just glad I could help," he says.

"Please tell me you didn't ride my cock just to help."

"Well, no, in case you hadn't noticed, I was horny as fuck. I just tried to, you know. Use that to give you a little push. Since you wanted to. Y'know. Also, it was all true. So..."

"Thanks, love," Andy says, earnestly. "I love you."

"I love you more."

They bicker about it, and Andy's smiling the rest of the day.

[mykpopconfession]

when kpop idols leave/step down/get kicked out only then do fans show how much they care when they desperately want their faves to be back… grow up. also they dont see how restricting the industry actually is and how much is really put into being an idol more than any western artist thats for sure, so i dont think fans fully appreciate their idols unless something happens to them then they suddenly matter more than their own sanity, dignity and self worth put together. its also like fans either arent satisfied enough with who the idols are so they keep wanting, needing and asking for more from them this is probably what happened to jennie & her “lazy scandal” its ridiculous, if idols have so much on their plate are working tirelessly to please the unappreciative fans, but then the fans criticise or scrutinise idols for just being freaking humans its scarily unhealthy both for the idols and the fans to be like that to them

dont put the same standard on someone else that you wouldn’t put on yourselves. i actually want bts to either step down from the lime light, join the military to do whatever the fck they want, date, marry, have kids so the fans will shut up for once about “their precious boys” bc no one can hate them, not a single soul can say crap about them

its creepy and borderline stalker like behaviour how “protective” they are over someone that they dont know and the likely hood of bts knowing them is slim so i dont get half the fans behaviours both online and in real life towards the members

bring your arse back down to reality for the love of god your life does not centre and isn’t defined by these 7 guys or any idol for that matter alone… surely one of them has got to leave soon enough and im sure more idols will, only time will tell. i wish they would’ve took the break in 2018 or whenever it was. fans dont even care to admit how fed up the idols probably feel from dealing with their own fanbase or having to give so much to the fans and have little energy for themselves

i was chatting to a friend awhile back, i kinda drifted away from because she was a lil like this, made bts her kinda obsession and even when we talked about their new music which im a fan of to some extent but i commented that i didnt like the recent songs all i got back was dont say that about bts… we’re both the same age and she seemed so mature but kinda got in her head that i was “attacking” bts for simply not liking every song they did. wow if thats what this humanity have come to then im glad im not like that

its simply fine to not fully be a fan, in fact it actually makes me enjoy and appreciate them more without the attachments to the members because to me they’re just some cool artists i enjoy but to others its like they centre their whole life around them to the point they forget to have interest in their own life, its become a complete distortion of their own reality since so much love and happiness is projected into 7 guys they wont ever know personally so when it comes to not being a fan or when a member leaves/gets kicked out its like suddenly the worst thing ever to the fans but i’d say it is how it is with any music industry, there’s rules to follow, contracts to abide by, they chose to be idols and become artists therefore it doesnt matter who they are but theres going to be some form of backlash or fall out and no amount of whining, pleading to the companies is going to change that

rules and guidelines are there for reasons u dont just go and break them when it could potentially ruin the image of the company / staff etc, theres so much more at stake than just the idols reputation when scandals happen cause theres much more to it than just ur “biases” alone… production teams, merchandisers, all these staff members that work tirelessly for them too could be put back bc of an idol deciding to act out of the normal or break some rules, do something they shouldn’t

sometimes its just for the better tbh, they can focus purely on themselves and regain their own freedom and rights rather than owing so much to the fans or the company. tbh i bet the idols get to a point where they’re like nope this is enough, does something *wrong* just to deliberately get out of the industry. cause surely they’re aware of what they do and what the rules, regulations must follow with being an idol. therefore they wouldnt deliberately go against it if they werent trying to get out or had enough of it. theres always going to be some type of fall out but stop acting like it affects you more than the idol when it has nothing to do with yourselves, you’re merely someone who enjoys them but so many care too deeply about it, plus its all legally done now u cant just up and out as u please so for idols to make that choice its not easy on them or the company they’re with

also what is with fans not allowing kpop idols to be truly themselves but when it happens to the likes of hyuna, woojin suddenly its considered okay after awhile it calms down but when it happens fans lose their dignity and self worth over something as minor as an idol leaving/being kicked out… theres probably a lot worse going on rn than what we see on the surface you all can be hypocritical or bashful of anyone you like, the company, the idols, the groups or you can simply accept that sometimes your faves arent who they appear to be, i know its a shocker to me too but what you see on camera is not what you get off camera, stop living like you know them, stop trying to protect and defend them for everything. live your own damn lives and focus on yourselves more than anything while still enjoying what you like but not to that ridiculous extent that its become… sadly

[doctorguilty]

alright here’s how I’d rewrite Infinite and ergo some of the plot points of the games story.. it  got long i got a little carried away lol........................ 

Infinite’s name probably isn’t that before he becomes a tool of destruction thing but I don’t care all that much to name him something else rn 

he also doesn’t have a sword because that’s really not necessary and I don’t know how to make that relevant at all 

forget the mercenary thing because it makes no sense that he was “hired” by eggman and that’s also boring. The jackal squad is a nomadic, robin hood type group that steals from bad folks to help other animal people villages in need 

to make character relationships.. matter a little bit more, OC is a long time childhood friend of Infinite and they still see one another a decent amount despite the jackals moving around

I don’t really care how or why the phantom ruby exists in fact I’m just realizing there’s a huge discontinuity because according to the COMIC it just.. existed arbitrarily like a chaos emerald, but according to the GAME it seems to be something Eggman fabricated, since there’s “prototypes” in play??? hm hm okay you know what I’m feeling ambitious let’s make both make sense. There is one true phantom ruby that exists, eggman finds it, where ever I don’t care. some legend about, this ruby can bring your ultimate fantasies to life! EXCEPT you need to have, idk, a good heart, a heart of gold, to use it and eggman doesnt have that so he can see the illusion of his empire but it wont become reality 

eggman thinks okay well, maybe if I fabricate copies of it I can make a version that will work, which I reckon doesn’t make them “prototypes’ anymore but just, copies, but close enough. however, they still don’t work 

now cut to jackal squad raiding eggman for his cool shit. maybe they catch wind about this whole “bring your fantasies to life” power and want to use it for good and they know eggmans vibes are rancid. in any case the jackals make off with a ruby (a FAKE one uh oh!) but not without infinite losing an eye and gaining one big unsightly scar from a fight w/ eggman and he’s like Shook about that but he’s like hm well at least I stopped that terrible guy from harnessing this power (oh no bitch u thought..) 

of course the jackals dont keep their spoils but WHO ever could be trusted with this legendary gem thing?!? oh none other than You, Original The Character, aka Infinite’s best friend .............. so he gives the ruby to OC and tells them like, idk allegedly this can make ur dreams come true but I don’t know how it works...oh my eye? yeah I sure used to have two of those but dont worry about it, anyway ttyl stay fresh  *saunters off, jackaly* 

because the fake!ruby is.. fake, it just seems to be a dud at first so OC just hangs onto it as a keepsake 

eggman, pissed about his shit getting stolen and worried what could be done with it sends robots out to hunt down infinite, kidnap him, and drag him back to eggman’s base and demand the fake!ruby back. infinite naturally refuses to tell him anything especially at the cost of putting OC in danger, so he’s like, blow it out your ass

eggman is like HAHA WELL U DUMB SHIT you stole a fake anyway and I have the real one right here.. he uses the ruby to suddenly spawn a bunch of robots and infinite braces himself for the attack... except they go right through him because they’re just illusions. eggman is like FUCK !! DAMMIT! WHY WONT THIS SHIT WORK!! Infinite uses eggman’s tantrum time to rush in to snatch the ruby. when infinite touches it as its in eggman’s hand, however, all the illusion robots become “real” (probably conveying this through effects/opacity), taking them both by surprise. infinite is unable to take the ruby before getting hit with a full force attack from a robot 

infinite is incapacitated and eggman grins,  like, inch resting...................... you seem to be able to make the ruby work... I will now use you for malicious purposes >:) (cut to black) 

NOW when Infinite is in the tube, 1) he already has his mask because the scene with him putting it on and monologueing about abandoning his old identity is unnecessary, it’s more symbolic here, 2) he’s amnesic and I know we did that with shadow already and I don’t mean to overuse it, but I think it works well enough in a different way for this story! Shadow had some fragments of memories and an identity crisis, but with Infinite, his memory is completely wiped (or perhaps suppressed?) and his only understanding of himself is that he was “created” to work for eggman. Even MORE importantly! the stakes are raised because of Infinite’s relationship to the OC--Infinite cannot remember them which makes attacking them a lot more heart wrenching ESPECIALLY when we get to a point where OC begins to recognize their brainwashed best friend using one of the (apparently) very same rubies given to OC to try to destroy them with

this also adds more tension to all the scenes where Infinite is taunting and threatening OC on a quite personal , rivalry-like level? Infinite would, over time, begin to get an inexplicable sense of familiarity with OC, which causes him to hesitate and hold back 

oh and as for the fake!ruby, OC does use it to defend himself just like the first time! it ends up being successfully activated because OC shows a strong will to protect the other civilians. if you haven’t caught on to my cheese, both OC and Infinite have hearts of gold and thats why they can use the rubies. eggman is cheating though by fusing Infinite to the ruby and using him as a proxy for his bad will..... and again, coming back to the cheese, Infinite’s heart cannot be changed and he is not truly “evil” so that’s like, how this is working 

I’m way too lazy to fix everything scene by scene because there’s also just SO MUCH wrong with all the other characters and plot but I’m just focusing on fixing Infinite and making him more interesting so I’m skipping to the end..  

I’m not entirely sure how I’d order the bosses and what I’d wanna do with the eggman robot phases  the whole things was a big mess............I kinda wanna go with what I THOUGHT was going to happen after beating up giant robot thing and then that squid robot breaks out??? and I thought it was going to be Infinite cause that would be much more dramatic? So lets go with that---When Eggman says like, well fuck infinite who needs him? i harnessed the power of the ruby into my robot, he means he literally trapped Infinite in it like, wired up and shit to use him like a power generator. fucked up. Infinite breaks out after that phase of the battle, and he’s like, in so much pain and glitched out on overclocked energy he cant even control what he’s doing.... commence TRUE final boss battle (it can still be a tagteam with sonic), and it’s sad and dramatic! OC pleads (or I reckon sonic, maybe the other heroes too since they talk during fights! like since OC doesnt talk) infinite to remember his true self because they dont want to destroy him 

once you’ve depleted his health bar, I’m going to go ahead and use the game’s weird addition of quicktime events to fuel more cheesiness (B/C THIS IS SONIC...WHY DID THEIR “POWER OF FRIENDSHIP” MORAL END ON SUCH A BLAND, UNEMOTIONAL NOTE IN FORCES??? shadow didnt fall to his (alleged) death in sa2 for this..............) and you quicktime OC HUGGING Infinite, like jumping towards him and grabbing him in an embrace type of thing! and when OC makes contact with the ruby, it activates, making all the probably hostile glitchy  battle terrain or whatever dissipate, infinite stops being like.. idk lookin like he’s being electrocuted, and his mask fades away .. exposing Infinite as his true self once again 

the in between the lines intent here, again since OC doesn’t talk, is that OC’s fantasy was to bring Infinite back so they could be together again. you’re welcome to interpret that as romantic, or platonic, it doesn’t matter! it’s open ended! it’s just supposed to be cute!  

idk and then emotional stuff, I’m not entirely sure what it doesn’t really matter the idea is that Infinite is like, remorseful of what happened but everyone ofc forgives him because it’s not his fault , and then he joins up with with everyone to help fix the world! hmm I’m torn between Infinite keeping the true phantom ruby or giving it to the OC, like giving it to the OC makes sense, but for the sake of like, hypothetically bringing Infinite back in a future game and having special powers, it would be perfect if he kept it and that was his thing, he uses the power of virtual reality to help people and fight evil and whatever  

I dont know I guess there’s not a lot of sense in thinking too hard since I just remembered none of this is canon whatsoever and we’re probably not seeing Infinite again unless as a stock evil thing to beat up like metal sonic 8′) 

I have no idea who i wrote this for I guess myself! Idk if anyone else played forces or cares or w/e but! if you DO happen to be someone who read this and cares about it omg well like feel free to! comment and tell me what you think!!!  this was all very stream of thought

[ringtailes]

mafia &/or 1950s AU w/ mccree if you want !! or any of your other f/os!!! ✨

I truly wasnt expecting any ask tbh but thank you omg... So! In the Mafia Au i can absolutely see Jesse and Ashe co-running it, she handles the east coast he handles the west! Now if you know my stupid hopeless romantic ass, then you know im absolutely going with the whole "flirty person trying to impress their L/I and the L/I not Having It." Trope, like its abt the ESCALATION from Slight Curiosity to full on PINING okay. Perhaps some times he manages to be in the right place at the right time... all coincidence of course... totally not because he happens to be taking care of business in the same town/city/whatever I live in.... Assuredly I would def get more and more used to running into the fellow and going from "im going to throw these flirts into a garbage disposal" to "you can act little a flirty....as a treat..." but still be absolutey in denial abt ever reciprocating any kind of positive feeling JGBSBGNSBG Actual HC wise: I would run a small art place type thing (like selling crafts/having fun little classes...living the dream i wont irl BFMSBDN) and he has no business reason to be IN THERE or anything but he always buys SOMETHING so i cant just be Mean to him but we both know im Glaring at him w a small frown which to him looks abt as scary or mean as a Pomeranian barking at you.

as for the 1950s/Greaser AU, he would absolutely be the troublemaker BUT IM his best friend who while does not Condone the troubles in ANYWAY still goes with him to do the stupid shit in case he gets hurt and or needs help. There is CONSTANT "im patching you up and is it just me or is this like. really intimate rn" vibes and the tension is LITERALLY so thick but neither of us bring it up  LSKDFJSLKDJF me because oh im probably just reading it wrong duh and him bc IM a dumbass who cant tell WHATS GOING ON and he doesnt wanna ruin our friendship by bringing some Important Feelings also PLEASE know, that any time he causes trouble by directly egging a house or whatever, he absolutely does the arm grab and run thing even if im already running but for that he would just grab my hand uwu but also lifting me and quickly getting onto the motorcycle to get the fuck outta there is also a thing!! thank u again anon, bc now i have....some Ideas [eye emoji]

[mitchmarnier]

when tomorrow comes (i’ll be on my own)

rating: mature

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier

summary: Richie pushed himself up on his elbows and smirked. “You know, Eddie my love, we suddenly have great potential right here. Don’t you remember what it was like? Back in Derry… all the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught all the time? What an adrenaline rush!”

“What a constant risk of anxiety attack you mean,” Eddie corrected, but he was grinning too. “But yeah, it was pretty exciting. What’s your point?”

“What if… and really hear me out here, Eds… we just let them think we were broken up?”

note: check AO3 for extended chapter ending!!

chapter count: 3/5

from king trashmouth<3: keep me updated on your date! bet he falls in love with you in 6 seconds! he’ll see how cute you are and he wont be able to help himself!

Eddie chuckled to himself and fought the urge to clutch his phone to get chest. He hadn’t realized how much he was going to miss his boyfriend. He really hadn’t given any thought to just how much time he and Richie spent together, until they were no longer able to spend every waking (and truthfully, most sleeping) moments together. The only reason they weren’t physically joined at the hip was because Eddie’s over bearing mother had refused pay for school if he was living with Richie.

to king trashmouth<3: he works with bill on the creativity news letter. im expecting him to be a huge fucking nerd

from king trashmouth<3: oh so totally your type! *kiss emoji*

to king trashmouth<3: my type is Richie Tozier, so unless my blind date is secretly you then he’s not my type at all

from king trashmouth<3: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

from king trashmouth<3: EDDIE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

from king trashmouth<3: HURRY OVER AFTER YOUR DATE SO WE CAN HAVE SEX

Eddie inhaled sharply, squeezing his eyes shut. He clutched his phone tightly in his hands and took several deep breaths. That was another thing he had learned about himself and Richie since this whole thing began: Eddie really liked having sex. He knew, of course, that he enjoyed sex but he’d never felt like he and Richie’s sex life was all that important. He hadn’t thought that it mattered all that much, sex or no sex, but once it became increasing more difficult to find time and place for them to have sex, Eddie had been practically gagging for it. Something Richie had been more than happy to point out.

to king trashmouth<3: stan?

from king trashmouth<3: meeting pattys parents. gonna be gone

from king trashmouth<3: all

from king trashmouth <3: weekend

Eddie swallowed roughly, truly being tossed back into the days of living with their parents in secret. It was rush, Richie had been right. Remembering hushed nights and how they’d practically be popping out of their jeans at the mere mention of Richie’s parents leaving town for even just one night. It was sharp and intense, and it left Eddie’s heart hammered in his chest.

“Eddie?” A voice called over to him as a man approached the table. Eddie looked up, blinking. Bill had quiet possibly over-sold the attractiveness of this friend, but Eddie had expected as much. Everybody oversold their friends for a date, even if Eddie had never actually been set up on a date before. Jake From Creative News Letter sort of had an…  Richie look to him, if he were being honest. The kind of person that if he and Richie had actually broken up, Beverly and Stan would probably been concerned for his mental health if he started dating this Jake dude. He had curly hair- a lighter shade of brown than Richie’s, but similar in texture- and thick rimmed glasses. His clothes were tamer colours, but still loose button up shirts over T-shirts with ripped jeans. Ugly boots.

to king trashmouth<3: not richie is here! ill text u when were done! love you!

from king trashmouth<3: ill give you 15 bucks and a blow job if you call him not richie at one point on his date eddie i stg

Eddie smirked to himself, and greeted Jake From Creative News Letter. He took the seat across from Eddie in the café and started asking simple questions. What Eddie assumed were first date questions, but Eddie had never really had a first date. Sure, they’d had their first date- and hundreds and hundreds after that- but they weren’t like this. There was no awkward questions, or getting to know each other process, or wondering if they were going to spilt the bill. Eddie couldn’t believe that people had the patient and strength to do shit like this regularly. Eddie never wanted to do anything like this again, and he was more than thankful that it was unlikely that he would have to.

Jake From Creative News Letter was a nice guy. Funny, objectively good looking, played soccer. Obviously smart on some level, if he worked with the journalism department. Eddie knew from living with Bill during first year that it was a hard as fuck process to get accepted to write anywhere with the department, let alone the creative wing. All in all, Bill had made a good call in a blind date for Eddie. Although Eddie was pretty sure if he’d actually broken up with Richie and Bill had suggested going out with some dude less than a week later, Eddie probably would have punched him in the face.

“Hey, Eddie, are you okay?” Jake From Creative News suddenly broke through Eddie’s thoughts, reaching a hand out to rest on top of Eddie’s. The contact lasted only a short moment, but Eddie had to fight off the urge to crinkle his nose in disgust and yank away. “You’re just really quiet, I don’t know if that’s normal, but I… You don’t need to be nervous. I know you just got out of a serious relationship and this probably isn’t your idea of a good time right now.”

Eddie smiled gently, wrapping both hands around his almost cooled drink. “Sorry I’m totally wasting your time, right now.”

Jake From Creative News Letter chuckled, ducking down to look at the table. “No, it’s okay, I mean honestly… when Bill was trying to set this thing up, he wasn’t actually all that convincing. Kept talking about your ex, how much he likes him. If he wasn’t so obviously straight, I think he was trying to get you out of the picture so he could go after your ex.”

Eddie barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “Bill and Richie? No, no, that’s… that’s a hilarious thought. They’re… I swear to God, Richie never seems more like a straight dude than when he’s hanging out with Bill. They’re pretty much the definition of bros.”

An odd smile came over Jake’s face. “Feel free to tell me I’m way out of line, but… you don’t really talk about this Richie guy like he’s your ex.”

Eddie’s gut tensed and he bit down on his lip. Richie had mentioned off-handedly something along the same lines; that Beverly was worried about how normal Eddie was being. That he didn’t seem like somebody who was working through a devastating break up, but Eddie felt that in his defense; he didn’t know how to behave as though he were going through a devastating break up and he prayed that he never would. “I guess…” Eddie said slowly with a shrug, knowing damn well whatever he said would be getting back to Bill. “It just doesn’t feel like we’re broken up.”

“You’re in love with him.” Eddie just smiled bashfully, knowing there was no damn way he could bring himself to deny that. It wouldn’t be fair to anybody, but Eddie wouldn’t have been able to pull off the lie even if he tried.  “Why break up then?”

“I…” Eddie croaked. “It be like that… sometimes.”

Jake raised his brow, almost smirking. “Yeah, I guess it does. But Eddie… it’s all over your face, you know? You barely mentioned Richie, but I could tell. I’m sure anybody could tell, so just… Don’t let this Richie guy get away from you, if you can make it work.”

Eddie swallowed roughly, blinking away tears that surprised him. Tears that didn’t need to be welling up in his eyes right now, because he wasn’t loosing Richie. His phone had vibrated three times during this date that were no doubt his boyfriend demanding attention. He and Richie were solid, they’d be solid since before they were even officially together in any romantic sense. Richie Tozier was the most beautifully constant in his life, and Eddie would never let anything come between that. “I… Uhm…” He shook his head, throat still a little choked up. “I’m sorry, I need to go. I… I’m sorry.”

“No,” Jake shook his head, smiling. “Nothing to be sorry for. Go work it out.”

Eddie pushed back from the café table, thanking Jake once more and rushed for the front door. He yanked his phone out of his pocket, ready to call Richie before realizing that Stan may not have left yet, and opened his text messages with a pang to the chest.

to king trashmouth<3: date over and i miss u blease tell me stan is gone

from king trashmouth<3: he and patty are getting ready to leave rn

from king trashmouth<3: just stop by your room give bill a short run through of the date and well be good to go ;)

to king trashmouth<3: i love you

from king trashmouth<3: i love you eddie always <3

--

Eddie let himself into his dorm room, not surprised to find Bill sitting on the bed waiting for him to come in. “So, how did it go?”

Eddie sighed, tossing his phone onto his bed and kicking at the carpet. “It was fine, I guess. Jake’s nice, we… we talked about Richie.”

Bill, to Eddie’s great surprise, beamed even brighter. “Good. I was hoping you would!”

Eddie choked on his tongue. “You set me up on a blind date in hopes that I’d talk about Richie? Why?”

“Because you won’t talk about Ruh-Rich to any of us,” Bill said with a shrug, suddenly seeming disinterested. “Which is fine, I guess, since we’re all friends. I get if you don’t want to tells us what happened, or what’s going on, but you need to talk about it if you’re ever going to get over him.”

Eddie’s stomach tightened a little bit at the casual tone in his best friend’s voice. Get over him, as though Eddie was ever going to do that.  He was pretty sure that if he and Richie ever broke up, he’d just take a pledge of celibacy and maybe join a cult in the woods. As depressing as that thought was, Eddie didn’t really have any plans to be with somebody who wasn’t Richie for the rest of his life. He’s known that since he was thirteen years old.

“Yeah, well.” Eddie shook his head, glancing sideways as his phone light up with a text alert from Richie. His heart beat sped up, realizing that it meant Stan and Patty were likely gone and he was in the clear to sneak over- as soon as he could get away from Bill. “Casting me into a date with Walmart Brand Richie who you’d told how great Richie was to the point where he thinks you’re a little bit in love with him definitely got us talking about Richie Tozier.”

Bill just laughed. “If I were going to go down on any rocking twink in this school, it would be Richie for sure. No offense, Ed.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. “Yeah, okay. Well, I’m going to go out and-“

“Wait!” Bill jumped up, making a mad grab for Eddie’s phone. Eddie dove for it first, making quick work of swiping away Richie’s text notification. “Since you’re coming to terms with Richie and you being over, you nuh-nuh-need to download Tinder.”

Eddie shot his brows up under his hair light and his mouth dropped open slightly. “I’m not fucking doing that!”

“Come on, Eddie,” Bill sighed. “You’ve literally only ever had sex with Richie, you gotta get ouh-ouh-out there! Get some kno-knotches in your bed-bedpost!”

Eddie was pretty sure his actual stomach churned in that moment. “You’re disgusting, that’s not fucking happening. I have to go.” Eddie grabbed his phone and attempted to make a mad dash to the door, trying to ignoring Bill’s shouts of “juh-just think about it!” as he dodged out the door. He ran most of the way to Richie’s dorm, realizing as he stood outside the door that he didn’t actually read Richie’s text and had absolutely no idea if Stan was in there or not. Realizing that in this moment, with Bill’s suggestion of going out and getting laid by somebody who wasn’t Richie ringing in his mind, Eddie didn’t care if Stan was there or not. He’d exposed them willingly right now, even knowing that Richie would never let him live it down if it happened.

He knocked once, hearing Richie call for him to come in, and quickly tumbled into the room. Richie looked up from his textbook and his face, slamming the book shut and jumping to his feet. Eddie’s heart flipping inside his chest as he watched Richie stumble a little bit in his exactment and he couldn’t hold back the little happy noise that rumbled out of his throat. He slammed the dorm door shut behind him and launched himself at his boyfriend, leaping into Richie’s waiting arms and clutching his legs tightly around Richie’s waist the moment his feet left the ground. Sure, maybe Richie stumbled immediately and ended up flat on his back on the bed but Eddie wouldn’t have expected anything else.

Eddie pulled away from Richie’s neck and could only stare down at this face for a moment before his breath hitched and leaned in to press a kiss to Richie’s nose. “Fuck, this is such bullshit. Bill is an asshole.”

Richie’s over excited grin dropped to a look of concern in a single second. One of the hands that were wrapped around Eddie’s waist came up to cup Eddie’s cheek. “What happened, babe? If that fucking news letter bitch did something to you, I swear to fuck-“

“No,” Eddie chuckled wetly. “No, Jake was fine, he… he was nice, you know? We mostly just talked about you.”

“Were you telling him what an amazing dick he’d have to live up to?” Richie asked cockily, but there was a look of insecurity in his eyes that made Eddie’s heart sink. “Because I’ve been working real hard on making sure your dick only reacts to mine, so this Jake dude can just-“

“Chill, Rich,” Eddie laughed, leaning back to rest his head on Richie’s chest. He could feel Richie’s heart beating, a little fast, a little frantically and it made Eddie’s blood rush. “I guess Bill really upsold how great you are because he wanted me to talk about you. Guess he’s worried about how I don’t seem to be accepting our break up, or some bullshit.”

Richie ran his nails up and down Eddie’s spine, in the way he knew so well made Eddie’s skin break out in goosebumps and his blood boil. “Stan’s all worried about me, too. You should have heard him trying to convince me to come stay with Patty’s parents this weekend, like he thinks I’m going to off myself the second he leaves campus or some shit. Fucking ridiculous.”

Eddie rubbed small circles into Richie’s chest, feeling his boyfriend’s breath catch. “Bill wants me to download Tinder. Thinks I need to have some one night stand to get over you.”

Richie went stiff underneath him, silence ringing through the spared space for too long. Eddie’s heart was beating so fast now, he truly feared it might pop right out of him. “Are you going to? Download Tinder, I mean… I know you aren’t going hook up with anybody, obviously.”

Eddie sat up slightly, resting both hands on Richie’s chest and dropping his chin down on top of them. “Bill told me to think about it, but honestly? The mere thought of it makes me feel disgusting. Like going on that date was bad enough, you know? I already know I’ll never be with anybody except you, so I don’t… I can’t say you’re the only person I’ve ever dated anymore.” Eddie’s voice hitched and Richie’s fingers pushed through his hair.

“Hey, hey, no.” Richie’s eyes were soft in a way they only ever were when Eddie knew he seemed breaking vulnerable. When Richie felt safe to be just as open and emotional. “One stupid blind date that I pretty much fucking told you to go now does not count, alright? We’ve only ever dated each other, and it’s always going to be that way, okay? Fuck anything else.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Eddie said. “You’re not the one who went on the date.”

Richie hummed. “Would you feel better if I did go on one? If we both go on stupid dates that we both know don’t count, then maybe it won’t bother you so much that you did it.”

Eddie bit his lip. Would that make him feel better? Eddie’s original instincts said No, absolutely not. Richie going out on a date with some stranger would certainly only make Eddie feel worse about this whole thing, but then he came to a pause. One of his favourite things about his relationship with Richie was that since the beginning they’d experienced all the same things, and in truth- his issue with having gone on this date wasn’t so much that he’d gone on a date with somebody else… it was that Richie never had.

“Honestly? It might.” Eddie said a little wishfully, staring up at Richie with his biggest puppy eyes. “If you’d be comfortable with it, I think I’d be okay with it. One date, like I did.”

“I’d do anything for you, baby,” Richie assure him, pressing a singular soft kiss to Eddie’s lips.

Eddie smiled, nosing at the side of Richie’s face. “Kay, but I’m not downloading Tinder. Fuck that.”

Richie chuckled and reached down to squeezed Eddie’s hips. “Good. Because if some random dude sends you a dick of his dick, I really don’t think my ego could handle it.”

Eddie let out a small hum, leaning back so he and Richie were pressed together nose to nose. He let his eyes drop to Richie’s lips, knowing how it drove his boyfriend crazy when it did. “Okay, but can we have sex now or?” Eddie didn’t need to say another word before Richie was pushing up on his elbows to press their lips together.

[survivor-rebelsvsroyals]

EPISODE 4: PLEASE JUST GIVE US A SWAP-CHLOE

Why am I still here???

me when i read the challenge: omg i love flash games and states and sporcle, this is gonna be a delight!!! me after actually playing the fucking game: https://youtu.be/FveF-we6lcE

*later* 

love hozier so much. he’s the only thing keeping me alive rn. whilst i waste away. HEY AT LEAST I KNOW WHERE ALL THE FUCKIN STATES ARE RIGHT!!!!

Sooooo we finally get flash games. Of course I was asleep when they were being handed out so I ended up with fucking winterbells. Yeehaw I guess time to go let a million bunnies fall to their death.

okurrrrr. Incase we did some kind of swap I talked to Amanda and RTP about like becoming a trio and who they like so I can make sure I like them so we can all work together better in the future. According to both of them we all like the same people? Being Linus and Seamus. RTP suggested being a trio, maybe making a chat, and then also making a chat with the 5 of us in it which Amanda liked too. We'd probably have to wait until actual tribal to put it into motion. Also Dane suggested to wage 3 points on me cause he knows I'm good at flash games and I hate that he knows me cause I would've suggested the same thing If I was awake for that deadline. It's driving me crazy his dumb bitch ass is here cause I keep missing him.

also fuck this flash game i hate trex i don't wanna go to work i hope this score holds up.

I'm done. I literally just want to give up. I'm just sat here crying because it all feels so pointless. We're gonna swap, I'll get swapfucked and then that's that I guess. Won't have proved that I'm not a shit player lolllll guess that's maybe true. I've been doing terrible in challenges. I'm tired. I want to quit. This is all so fucking dumb.

wow i just told dane about how much i hate myself and he told me i was smart and pretty and amazing...i feel loved for the first time in my godforsaken life!!!! i hope he does not betray me bc i love him. hes my new best friend. dane if u r reading this i love u.

Shout out to all the other royals for DRAGGING MY ASS THROUGH THAT CHALLENGE, my score was humiliating compared to Raffy’s... I’m trying not to call attention to it, LOL. That is karma for me acting like him for that video challenge I’m sure 😳 Sorry my confessions are pretty boring these days... nothing new to report.

I cannot believe we lost again. I'm so over being on this tribe at this point. I just want a swap to happen, but that just means I'll be at the bottom with people I don't know. It's such a double-edged sword. At this point, I'll take whatever comes my way as long as I don't go to tribal for the rest of pre-merge. For this tribal, I think that Trace is the vote sadly. I really like him a lot, but he is outside all the alliances that were made. By voting Trace, I don't betray anyone and keep my hands clean with two different 5 person alliances. Also, Trace must feel like an outsider at this point so if there is a swap, would he be willing to vote with Rebels? I'm not too sure. I guess this is just the hand I was dealt, so I have to deal with it.

tribal number 4 ! woo ! love when i’m probably gonna get thrown under the bus for the vote when i had basically no say in my role in the challenge <3 honestly sick as fuck of raffy dictating everything but i’m not petty enough to vote him for it. dan might be but he’s too emotional for his own good i think. raffy is loyal to me. he’ll sink himself by being so loud later. if i swap with him, chances are the numbers won’t be on my side, and he’s someone that would alienate people much faster than i would. i’d be able to flip on raffy no problem. but in the meantime, he stays in my pocket and dan will have to suck it up ig! i’ve already lied to trace, he’s most likely voted against dan, he and i have no loyalty to each other, and he’s more likely to skate by utr in a swap scenario so he needs to go. i’m not worried about an idol play, obviously, but i can see there being something else. an extra vote or a vote steal or smth. i think i have enough of the numbers that it won’t matter but. definitely something to keep in mind.

So like.... a swap HAS to be coming up soon.. The royals won their 4TH immunity in a row and I'm extremely happy because i truly believe that the first time I don't have immunity, I will leave. HOWEVER, now I have very strong arguments if the swap is happening. There is a VERY tight 6 in the rebels tribe which i clocked since the second tribal that consists of Dan, Asya, Raffy, Chloe, Lachlan, and John. They have all consistently left Trace out of votes and they continue to vote as a 6 (even with a large majority as well. They aren't splitting votes and I'm more convinced that one of those 6 have an idol already due to them putting all their votes onto one person). These 6 do NOT plan on splitting up. I think my best chance would convincing the royals to just stick together for a little bit longer, possibly just to split up a couple duos in there. Just based off of the tribal council, Raffy and Chloe seem to be really close. Raffy is that annoying gay and Chloe is that white girl who think gays are an accessory so he's just YAS SLAYING HER LIFE OKUR! The other duo I think is Asya and Dan, those 2 have been known in the BB community to be relatively close so I wouldn't be surprised if they are working together this game. The only issue with splitting up Asya and Dan is that Amanda (a royal) is also friends with those 2 rebels. So my best bet is sadly teaming up with the two Ryans who have a very obvious F2 to get out Dan, and I know Ryan would be more than happy to get out Dan since Ryan M plays these games very personally and like Dan called him fat or whatever. However I told Ryan M to kill himself before so I might be his prime target before Dan.... so who knows !!!

This whole situation sucks. I really don’t want Trace to go home but there is literally nothing I can do about it. I floated Raffy’s name by Asya because I trust her the most and she just wasn’t into it. It would 100% be a crackhead move but I do trust Trace a lot.... and he’s just nice to chat with (and look at). Trace wants to do Chloe and honestly I trust her a lot too so I’m not willing to roll the dice and lose other allies if the Chloe vote doesn’t pan out. What will really shock me is if I’m booted tonight. That would be fucking hilarious. I feel weird in this game because we constantly have to go to tribal and vote someone out. Come swap time, we’re gonna be fucked no matter what. It’s all such a mess haha

Trace throwing my name to people as if they're actually gonna get on board with that. Lol ok sis you do you I guess. He's in my DMs like ooooh no I think I'm going home, but I fully know he's been messaging Raffy, John, Asya and Dan asking them to vote me and he thinks that he has the numbers for it skskks. Idk what the craic is, part of me is saying he's gonna be messy and pull an idol and I'm going to go home tonight even though he will have majority votes against him. Guess I'll be getting 17th all over again, how fun xoxo

*a little bit later*

I am for the life of me BEGGING that we have a swap next. Please please please can we have a swap. PLEASE JUST GIVE US A SWAP. I would like a SHOT at being immune for once.

*Chloe sitting on a rock as the camera man zooms in*

This round has fully caused me so so many emotions. Last night I just had a whole ass breakdown and wanted to quit because I just feel this is entirely pointless and no matter what happens I'm going to get swap fucked and I probably wont make it to merge. I still feel this way I'm not going to lie. I've entirely lost all hope, I could quit but I also feel like that in itself is pointless. I came here to fight and prove that I am in fact not a shit player, so, here's hoping I can manoeuvre my way through this somehow and come out the other end into merge at least, that would be nice. 

[dreamynightmare11]

I tried reposting it but couldn't add my reply to it so bada boom here it is. (Jus give it a like if you do see this so that I know you've read it..)

Hey Ty. It’s completely fine that you don’t talk to me or that we don’t talk anymore. There are a few people here on Tumblr who I clicked with because I found them to be nice, supportive and non-judgemental. And real. And honest about their issues.

About the support I give you, I give it because I know you deserve it and I know that your existence, your body doesn’t need any sort of hatred or negative energy by you. NO one’s body deserves that negativity. But I do understand that it’s not your fault. It’s just situations that happened in your life who are causing you to feel hurt and feel pain. And you know what? That’s fine. Feeling pain makes us human. As does crying. Feeling jealous. Getting frustrated. Just like laughing and smiling and hugging and cuddling and trusting people makes us human, feeling hurt makes us feel human too.

One thing I want to remind you is that I swear man, your worth is so much more than you think it is.

Your VALUE doesn’t decrease because of someone’s inability to see it. NOBODY’s value ever decreases because the people in their life are unable to see and acknowledge it. And I do know that relationships are supposed to be two-way but maybe, just maybe, those people have their own issues too. Their problems. Their breakdowns. And no I’m not writing this to say that your issues are smaller than theirs. Because we all got our own issues. Do you remember how in the past, someone once told you how much you’re worth to them, how much they appreciate your existence? I’m not trying to dig up past memories here, sorry if I do that. But what I’m saying is that IF you were worth anything in your past, then you are worth something today too. And you will always be worth something whether you’re a 6 year old kid or a 12yo kid or a 17 year old guy or a 22 year old guy or a 40 year old man going fishing and having the time of his life. So if you were worth anything years ago, then you’re worth something today. If you weren’t worth anything in the past, then people wouldn’t have invested their time and energy and patience and happiness ON you or WITH you. But see, they fvcking did. They did it because you fvcking deserve it, you deserve it just like every other person out there trying to navigate through life. Shit just happens sometimes.

It’s okay to be struggling and it’s okay to relapse. I’m sorry you had a year full of such crap. I’m sorry you lost friends, but don’t say that that includes me too because haha no that wouldn’t include me. One day you will understand why you had to fight so hard. The bad part is that I don’t know whether that one day will be this year, or next, or after 10 years. I ain’t no prediction person or astrologer. But trust me Tyler, one day you’ll look back and you’ll understand why you had to go through all the shit and pain you had to go through as a youngster. Andd you’re worth every ounce of effort other people put in you.

I just want to request you to try *not* solidifying yourself into loneliness. It’s in those dark times when the demon attacks our mind, steals our life away in front of our eyes and before you know it, all the effort and times you survived are suddenly worth nothing because then we have no one to communicate too. No one to talk to. The thing is that at some point, everyone is going to hurt us, Ty. We just have to find the ones worth suffering for. You maybe haven’t found this person yet, and it’s fine coz I mean you’re just 22 and you have so much more to live for. Unexpected turns and plot twists in life. But I think one way to release the hurt is by releasing people. The ones who truly touched your heart or caused you pain. Sure sometimes we’re unable to forget our past but sometimes we just need to release the burden of holding it in our heart. We might have to release people, events and things that happened in the past. Otherwise we remain stuck, sometimes forever but we can’t always move on without at least releasing something. Or maybe, release yourself. I mean emotionally & mentally, no physical context. You're like a Kintsugi, like so many other people. I wont define it, you can google it to see what I mean.

So I understand it’s hard. Very hard if you’re unwilling to do the following. But please, just please just try to start communicating with all the people in your direct environment. Maybe you will feel that your words don’t make sense but this time it’s *not* about your words, it’s about all the little efforts you put into start communicating with people around you. Now, you don’t need to be fake enough to go around and make jokes to your cousins if you don’t feel like doing that.

But let’s say, your mom/aunt/uncle wants to get the car’s gas filled? Maybe ask them if you can do it for them if they’re busy or have other stuff to do. That way, at least you won’t have an idle mind for destructive thoughts to breed in. Maybe if your cousin is studying a subject which u used to like in school, ask her what topic she’s in.

Where do you usually stay when you exclude yourself to loneliness? Are you in that place right now as u read this? Like RIGHT NOW? Well then, is it possible for you to leave it and maybe go somewhere else? Are people in your house watching TV rn? Excellent, u can try going there and joining them. You don’t need to talk if u dont want to. Just stay there and watch whatever’s on the TV, it’ll help u distract yourself. Maybe go get yourself a cup of water if someone’s in the kitchen. Are they cooking? Maybe u can ask them if they need your help with cooking. Just small random comments.

Then you can start saying longer sentences. You can listen to other people in your house talking about something and if someone makes a joke, then u can laugh. If someone is arguing about something, then innocently ask why they think that way about whatever they’re arguing about.

And one more thing which I think might really help you. I know that you might not have a stable relationship with your mom. But do you love her? Do you love her for giving you everything that you have and for raising you as a strong single mom? Do you, from your heart, hold love for her? If she’s living with you, then try finding a time when she’s alone. Not around people. Then go to her. Knock at the door and ask her if u can come in, because you want to talk about something important. Then go in and tell her to sit on the bed because you want to talk to her. You too sit, with some distance between you and her. Prepare yourself that *whatever* happens, you’re gonna talk to her about your REAL feelings and tell her what you think is going on in your life. Tell her that you want to apologise. You want to apologise for cutting communication with her for so long. Apologise for never telling her your real feelings and for not being open with her. THEN, tell her the reason behind it. Tell her how you actually feel about yourself. Tell her how u hate feeling vulnerable, and how you feel unable to go talk to people. Tell her how you sometimes feel like the words you say don’t make enough sense to other people so THAT’s why you have been excluding yourself from everything. Look into her eyes, not angrily but just expecting her to absorb whatever u say. Tell her that you want to try being open now and you need her help. Tell her that from today, you’ll remind her everyday that you love her and you want to request her to remind you too that she loves you. Tell her that you want to rebuild the mother-son relationship there is between you and her. Tell her that sometimes you might accidentally fall back, and to forgive you for that. Tell her how she herself makes you feel, not angrily but rawly, understandingly. With your true raw feelings, without hiding anything. Be raw, as if you’re just tired of all the crap and now you want to start loving again.

Not just to her, but slowly do it to everyone else in your family, to the ones you *do* love. Can be your cousin, nephew, uncle, aunt, and maybe.. maybe Kailey too? I dont know. And from now on, IF it’s possible for you, try not to shut people out. Especially when they come to you or communicate with u in anyway.

I’m not telling u to smile and be energetic again and full of life. But slowly, try investing time and patience and love in your relationships. Because though my 16-year-old self is quite inexperienced in this stuff, I think talking it out is one of the best ways to slowly solve things out. It’s gonna take time but just try telling your loved ones that you do love them from your heart. It’s gonna take time because it might just turn out to be a nice slow permanent change in life. And if you fail, bother not. You can give yourself some time and then start again.

Btw you don’t need to reply to this too, forreal u don’t need to. Jus maybe give it a like or something so at least I know you’ve seen it, that’s it. Hope I helped, best of luck for the journey

[amethodtomymadness-blog]

hypomanic writing

i was going through my computer, when im hypomanic i get on these sprees where i type everything that comes to my mind and sit at my computer doing so this is where my mind took me. i think its an interesting read: (sorry for the length)

im supposed to hang out with ___ tomorrow and idk if I should bc im like this and idk if something horrible is gonna happen but if im like how I normally am when im manic then I think I should bc people normally like me when im hypo but I mean I think In general im someone that most people enjoy but idk bc normally I don’t have the confidence to tell myself that but since its increased rn I think it but idk it could either go realllllllly good or really bad and idk im scared itll fuck something up and I thought that I was soooo stable and could handle anything and now here I am im not totally stable im actually mildly going crazy rn!!!! But that’s the scary part of people and what I was saying before ANYONE CAN MAKE THEMSELVES OUT TO BE ANYTHING. YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE PERSON UNLESS YOU STUDY THEIR ACTIONS. FOR EXAMPLE. If met me within the past mmmmm 4 months you would think im an emotionally stable girl who pretty much has her shit together and is only going to community college right now because she partied to much at her college or didn’t like it but prob the first one and she was prob never in iop and who knows maybe I wanna get to know her she might not have baggage BUT REALLY I HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING BAGGAGE HAHAHAHAH LOL I LOL AT PEOPLE WHO THINK I DON’T HAVE ANY LIKE HELLOOOOO COME ON I AM BAGGAGE QUEEN PROB AND IM BIPOLAR AND I HAVE HAD SOOOOOO MANY BREAK DOWNS AND RUNNED MY LIFE DOWN TO NOTHING AND HAD TO PICK IT BACK UP AND THEN RAN IT BACK DOWN AND HAD TO PICK IT BACK UP AND I MAY BE MENTALLY STABLE RN BUT IM LITERALLY A TICKING TIME BOMB THAT’S GONNA HAVE A HYPOMANIC EPISODE ANY FUCKING DAY AND NOW HERE IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND OUT OF NO WHERE IM GONNA GO CRAZY AND THE COOL GIRL WITH HER SHIT TOGETHER THAT YOU ONCE THOUGHT I WAS WAS THERE NO MORE AND I BECOME A MONSTER WHO ONLY CARES ABOUT HERSELF AND GETTING HER WAY AND WILL DO WHATEVER SHE CAN TO GET THAT AND DOES NOT CARE ABOUT HURTING OTHERS AND SHE JUST BECOMES HORRIBLE AND DOES STUFF SHE KNOWS SHE SHOULDN’T BUT SHES SO IMPULSIVE THAT SHE DOESN’T CARE AND SHE HAS HALF OF HER MIND TELLING HER SHE SHOULDN’T DO THOSE THINGS BUT THE OTHER HALF IS TELLING HER HOW BAD SHE WANTS TO DO IT AND THEN THAT HALF OF HER BRAIN TAKES OVER HER SELF CONTROL AND SHES DOING IT AND THEN THIS STAYS ON REPEAT FOR A LITTLE AND SHE PUSHES AWAY PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT HER AND FIGHTS WITH ANYONE SHE POSSIBLY CAN AND IT’S A MESS IT’S A MESS IT’S A MESS AND THENNNNNNNNNNNNN shes back down to the bottom of the world and hating herself for everything she did and questioning every motive in her life that shes ever had and questioning if they led to the experience she just felt and that shes feeling now and hating herself for not taking good enough care of herself to prevent the low from happening and shutting herself out even more because she messed up so many things in that hypo state that she cant even bear to deal with at the moment and the thought of it freaks her out so she sleeps so she doesn’t have to bear with that feeling and to make the numbness go away and she sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and sleeps until shes woken by her worried mother and she tries to get her mother to go away and begs and begs her to let her sleep but her mom knows sleeping is not the right choice for her so she makes her move to the couch and on the couch she blankly looks at the tv not really even paying attention to anything her mind is blank her gaze is blank everything about her is blank she is empty she is lost she is alone she is nothing and she feels like she will never ever ever be anything ever again and she questions why shes even still living and if anyone would even miss her if she wasn’t here and then she thinks about her family and the friends that she still has and how her ending her pain will only pass it on to the people she loves and the people she loves are the only thing in life that she loves at the moment so she cant bear to do it but some days it just gets so bad that she thinks so deeply about it and tries to tell herself everyone will be okay and it’s the only way the pain will ever end but then she thinks about her mom and it makes her not want to do it and then she sleeps more and sleeps more and sleeps more and sleeps more and sleeps more and sleeps until the cycle repeats and its day in and day out until her mom tells her she cant deal with this anymore and makes her go to the dr and the dr puts her on meds that make her a brick wall and she either is drowsy all the time or just has no personality and every single time she is put on a new med she experiences the rare side effects that come with it that most people normally don’t get so then she has to switch again and this cycle repeats itself until she finds one that works with her and she takes it because she knows its what she needs to do to be normal and to function like everyone. Oh how bad she wants to function like everyone else. So she keeps taking these pills every day and then her life begins to balance and she starts to get her life together again and she patches holes she made in her life before and she tries to find something that she wants to do with her life and she goes to school again and she starts to feel like the person she knows she is before and she comes back and then the medication that she was on gives her a bad side effect but her dr tells her shes been stable for so long and doing so well and that maybe she was never even bipolar in the first place maybe it was just add so she takes her off the medication and the medication leaves her system and her personality starts to come back and shes happy shes truly happy and shes stable and she has this love for life and she does everything she should and can talk herself out of doing the things that she shouldn’t do even if she wants to do them her decision making skills are so much better and shes so proud of the person shes become and her friends and family tell her the same thing and she loves herself and everything is so good and then when she thinks she really has a grasp on life and maybe she totally has this beat and it wont come back MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA IT IS BAAAAAAAACK. b

[trendyelle]

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a full-grown adult considers their body like a trashcan, then you discern the daily skirmish that is doing whatever the fuck you want while at the same time wanting to have a great person and great surface. Lifes hard whether it wishes to get fucked up at Governors Ball but also look 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did expend the weekend going through mimosas like water and gobbling sufficient food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a brand-new me. A better me. A me who throws actual vitamins and minerals into her arrangement so her skin doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she ate last-place night. So heres a directory of meat you should forestall like an ex-boyfriend sliding into your DMs and foods you should embrace because theyll fasten your fucking face. Damn, Ive get bars. DONT: Devour Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even snacks canned fleshes anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird preoccupation with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a cherry-red fucking flag that this child was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always bragging about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in them and stimulates your torso to hold on to ocean, which is why your face is always puffy or you have pouched under your eyes that can be seen from room, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and too be hateful on Instagram, eating salmon is a sure space to get better looking surface. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty acids and healthy fatties. These fats reinforce cell membranes and nourish the surface to exclude you searching fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol just because you frequently say shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre boozing to purify your body are actually truly fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as inferno, especially the light-green juices which is capable of have up to 50 grams of carbohydrate in them, which is actual destruction when it comes to having clear skin. ^ I suspect every fitstagrammer when the catch out they’ve been spouting liquid carbohydrate into their tabernacles bodies DO: Booze A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the hot tutor at your gym, protein smoothies can actually be beneficial for your skin. The more you are familiar. Remain away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These types of smoothies are high in healthy paunches and wont leave your surface searching more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I visualized coming. Good-for-nothing that savours this good can be anything but destruction on your person. And since Im not on my age rn in control of my figure I suspect Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar which is capable of figure this fun thing called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your form. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with “the worlds largest” are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy searching. So mostly dining ice cream is age you.* paces into oncoming transaction* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your surface. So even though it savours health and the whole time youll be pleasing you two are dining real chocolate with real flavor at the least your skin will seem good AF and be protected against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick joke. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you also want me to commit homicide the next time someone responds everyone to a department email chain? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my brain around because coffee is literally one of the only rationales I get out of bunked in the morning, and hence, the same reasons you get to experience this sparkling identity. That tell me anything, coffee is a diuretic( fake information Im sure !) which causes your mas to lose water and your skin to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you require glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republican plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though the prospect of boozing red-hot lemon liquid know it sounds as enticing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super are you all right. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and holds some much needed support efforts to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the principal organ that detoxifies their own bodies and if youre full of poisons drinking on dates that objective in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have nice things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally victimized by this list. Like, is person looking at my bank proclamation and be careful to ensure that I expend a great amount of my down time in coffee shops and/ or bagel patronizes? Because Im feeling genuinely assaulted rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your skin and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for days.* prays this is fake word* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id rather deprived than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the rate we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right various kinds of carbs probs because it appears miserable to eat and likewise because its high in antioxidants which weve launched will not only give you clear/ glowy surface but likewise pushes against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To utterly no ones surprise except my own because I refuse to read descriptions written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my gaiety, soda is bad for you. And because we are drink diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda specially interrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your intestine. Likewise drinking various kinds of soda can really fuck with your scalp. Like, crusade rosacea, eczema, and acne fucking with your skin. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Likewise, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant exactly suck vodka straight-from-the-shoulder. I want to have clearer scalp , not croak. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that ogles good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my surface. About damn age. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all their own lives troubles. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you want clear skin by the time this weekend’s brunch rolls around then chug some of this and claim like its alcohol something you experience drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you delight is possibly fucking up your scalp and you should cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not draw the inventory, but thats mostly because I refused to do any actual research that would support otherwise. Who says you cant realise your own destiny? Listen, if all else neglects and you have no self verify dont just wanted to relinquish your delight theres ever Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-47/

[jiyongee-blog1]

wtf i miss this really cosy feeling? Its like a cosy wintery feeling :((( i feel shit. im not /bad/ im just not at all satisfied. I dont think anyone will ever like me as much as i like them. Im hving trouble connecting with anyone recently. Everyone feels so distant :( i kinda hv a crush now but ik its jst bc of attention. Ive made new friends but they all fit in well, even tho they r nerdy nd a bit weird. Am i below these people? How come they all hv relationships nd stuff? Am i really inferior to them?but it dsnt work like tht, does it. U cnt just put ppl on a rating scale of how cool they r or whatever. Everyone has different opinions. I probably feel so different bc i try nd seperate myself so much. I feel like i am truly alone in this world. I want tht cosy feeling. I want to be really happy. I hate my life right now. my family is shit. Im tired of my dad making everything about him. Im tired of having no personal space nd living in a tiny cramped house with two parents who hate each other. :( i need to get out more but i cant bc of stomach anxiety. So fucking tired of this life :( feels doomed. feels empty nd i miss being happy. i miss feeling close to people nd special to them. Why dont my friends want to be close with me? Why dont they want to see me? Im just a burden. I want to be needed. I want to be invited over to peoples houses nd i want ppl to post on their instagram how much they love me and how pretty i am. Im tired of being the clingy and desperate one.im so affectionate bc i want it in return. It hurts so much. I want someone to obsess over me. Why does everyone else complAin about people trying to flirt with them nd stuff. No one does that for me. Why? Am i that undesirable? Im starting to think i have a fundamental flaw as a human and just shouldnt b here at all. All i do is waste time on my computer. None of my hobbies r much fun. I cant concentrate. All i do is waste time. I wanna disappear today. I feel fake. I feel empty i feel shit :( i wish i was gone i feel bad. I dont hv the cosy winter feelinh. I just feel empty and cold. I want someone to hug me nd spend quality time with me. I wish i could make myself happy. I think im a slut. Theres so much id be but i dont hv the access to it. Id b a druggy nd an alcoholic nd a slut but i cnt do tht. If boys wanted to id let them i dont care. I want ppl to use my body. Plz just think im pretty and sexy. Thtd be good. Id love to show off about it. I got jealous bc people were talking about being catcalled. I dress like a slut nd i hardly get attention like tht. Really whats wrong with me? Maybe people cn read my thoughts. Maybe thts why. Im ugly on the inside. You cant fix that with makeup. i am so miserable all the time. Writing this down really makes me want to kill myself. i have lots of reasons really. Its 6.40 am nd rn i could just do it just do it. I wont. I hope my life will change. Oh fuck im just waiting again. i want somethibg big to happen. maybe one night ill die in my sleep. id love to die. i dnt want to kill myself. Id love to just die without knowing about it. just wake up dead. then itd all be done nd i wouldnt even kno. i hope ppl would remember me favourably.

[mynameiswha]

1 through 92

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?😏

2. you talked to an ex today, correct? Yep!

3. Have you taken someone’s virginity? Nah

4. Is trust a big issue for you? Absolutely

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Don’t have a crush on anyone rn lol

6. What are you excited for?College 😍

7. What happened tonight?A phone call with my mom

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?Nah. Get wasted if you want

9. Is confidence cute?100%

10. What is the last beverage you had?Raspberry iced tea

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?1

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Hell yeah

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Pride 🌈

14. What are you gonna spend your money on next? Probs food if im being honest

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?Nope

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next three months? Absolutely

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? @penguinispresent

18. The last time you felt broken? June 11.

19. Have you had sex today?Nope

20. Are you starting to realize anything?That I have no idea what im doing in life lmao

21. Are you in a good mood?After this food gets cooked, yep

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?Hell nah

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?His are lighter, but basically

24. What do you want right this second? A burger and fries omg

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?Good on you

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?Yep. Hopefully it wont be soon.

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?Not at all omg I value a sense of humor so much

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? My dog. He’s such a dork 😊

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Don’t think so? I’m with the person I miss rn

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?Depends on what they did, like you lie once, okay, sure. You MURDER someone? nah mate

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?No not at all, he’s one of my good friends

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Don’t have feelings for anone, so no

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?I’m drinking ginger ale rn

34. Listening to? A YouTube let’s play for the Last Guardian

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yes! I make too many mistakes

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Tbh, no

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Absolutely not. It’s a load of bs. Can’t really love someone until you know them.

38. Who did you last call?My momma

39. Who was the last person you danced with? I dance all the time man, I cant remember

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? He kissed me and it was uncalled for and weird

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Too long ago. Someone make me some cupcakes pls

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?Yes! Gave my dad a big ole hug

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?I’m an embarrassing person

44. Do you tan in the nude? Public nudity is illegal

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?Yeah

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No

47. Who was the last person to call you? My mom

48. Do you sing in the shower?Absolutely

49. Do you dance in the car?ABSOLUTELY

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?Yes, actually!

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Prom! good memories

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?A little, but I love them too much

53. Is Christmas stressful? Aspects of it are but I love the holiday season so much

54. Ever eat a pierogi? What tf is that

55. Favourite type of fruit pie? Apple. I’m basic

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A veterinarian!

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Lw

58. Ever have a deja-vu feeling?All the time

59. Take a vitamin daily? Technically I should, but i forget all the time

60. Wear slippers? Yes!

61. Wear a bath robe? I wish

62. What do you wear to bed? Whatever is comfy. Usually my underwear and a huge t shirt

63. First concert? Gwen Stefani, my queen

64. Wal-Mart, Target, or Kmart? Target

65. Nike or Adidas? Neither

66. Cheetos or Fritos? Cheetos

67. Peanuts or sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds all the way.

68. Favourite Taylor Swift song? Style probs

69. Ever take dance lessons?When i was a kid

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? I don’t know. Something more practical. I’ve always had dreams where my spouse ran a flower shop though, so there’s that

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes!

72. Ever won a spelling bee?Almost!

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?Bruh. I’m such a happy crier.

74. What is your favourite book? FUCK. Idk! There’s so many good ones. City of Thieves by David Benioff

75. Do you study better with or without music? With!

76. Regularly burn incense? I used to

77. Ever been in love?Yes.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?Cage the Elephant!!!

79. What was the last concert you saw? Panic! At the disco and Weezer

80. Hot tea or cold tea?Hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?Coffee all the way

82. Favourite type of cookie? Snickerdoodle!

83. Can you swim well?Very well

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Duh

85. Are you patient?I’d like to say so

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ I think

87. Ever won a contest? Yes! Horse riding

88. Ever have plastic surgery?I’m only 17 yo

89. Which are better: black or green olives? Green, obviously

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? See if you’re a good fit, man

91. Best room for a fireplace?Living room; where else would it be?

92. Do you want to get married? Absolutely! I want a family

[survivor-mindoro]

Ep. 2: “Like herding very dumb sheep” ~ Seamus

I don't like my tribe, they literally all seem like losers. like I will be super shocked if we win anything. at least it will be like herding very dumb sheep when we lose. plus this idol thing will make getting and using idols hella easy

yay! Me and luke survived....thank god. But now were in tribes,and yes i love being in tribes but i hate missing my loved one. So to start this off i got an idol by combining mine with matts. And lets just say tgat was so fricken easy!!!! He trusts me because its like his first game and we became really good friends. So. After we agreed to combine them he basically said you hold onto it because i trust you. Um.....ok dont tell me twice,but this stupid immunity challenge came and nobodys doing anything. I dont wanna become a target by bossing people around but then again i wanna be safe. And what no reward challange???? That sucks i could really use some comfort items.

a little while later....

So........this tribe is alright so far. I really appreciate that we are all for right now being civil and working together to accomplish this lip sync video. I hope that everything goes well and I will be safe this round, I don't really know a lot of people in the tribe but I assume Julia might be the one to go if previous alliances still stand here. I'll check back after immunity results! xoxo 

OMG THAT CHALLENGE I SWEAR KILL ME NOW. i hope your safe luke

So wild losing huh, and its time for the amazing pre-jury stratagizing everyone loves!! Yay!! But seriously, i'm in a very good spot right now. Everyone on my tribe likes me, and my very deep participation in the immunity challenge definantly brought me into the goods with everyone else. Anyways, I have heard Mitch and Lukes names be thrown out, which is because they didn't participate in the immunity. Sad huh. I personally wan't mitch to stay, and so does seamus. But Dan says mitch should leave and im like ahhhh. I'll be back later with more information soon.

a little while later.....

Tbh karen HOW YOU BEEN GIRL u aint gonna see this like ever and i cant talk 2 u so ill pretend im talking 2 u here. Are you still being messy girl??? I KNOW YOUR ASS GOT CONNOR ON YA TRIBE AND HE IS AFTER YOU. PICK IT UP KAREN PICK IT UP.

So we escaped tribal council which is awesome like thank goodness i spent so much time on the challenge and then IT DIDN'T EVEN UPLOAD LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. but regardless i'm just a little salty at karen because they didn't send me her footage until like 10 minutes before the video was due...like why? but fo real it was way too close for comfort. hopefully the next challenge goes better...

so it's either Mitch or luke going home tonight, I'm pushing for Luke bc I think he will be better in challenges. But on the other hand I think luke will just do whatever I want so if he stays I'll pretend I voted Mitch and then make an alliance with him :)

Okay so, im worried about this tribal because PEOPLE are gonna get blidsided, and thats not a great thing to start the game off with. Blindsides on the second tribal?? Not very good. But hey, its not gonna be me atleast. Ill be back soon with a less vague awnser

I don't want to vote for Luke at all, but I'm actually making really good connections with other people that I didn't think I would, like Julia and Mitch. I think moving forward I'm going to just try to remain social for now and not be the chaotic, bitchy, paranoid gay that I normally am

Everything is still going okay. Kinda bummed that we lost the immunity challenge but hopefully I won't be voted out. I actually participated and tried to get a video in, unlike some people. Not even trying to be aggressive but hopefully me actually participating will keep me in this game through this tribal. So far I haven't made any great connections, I think that may be important to do soon. I really like Luke, but if what I am being told is true, he most likely going home this tribal, so I am shit outta luck there. I guess we will see how this all pans out, ugh.

a little while later...

Luke wants Dan to put his half idol together with his own.... I mean this could work. I don't quite know wht Dan is coming to me with this information, but he doesn't want Luke to go, and neither do I. So if we could make sure everyone votes Luke, and have Luke use the idol and vote someone else.... We could potentially save Luke and get rid of someone else.

so I have a super evil idea, I'm going to tell luke an alliance approached me of 4 others asking to vote him out and ask if I can have his half of the idol and ill play it on him tonight... then I wont and ill have an idol :)

WHEN YOU TURN CHAOTIC AF AGAIN BECAUSE YOU REMEMBER THAT LUKE IS YOUR DAD AND HE RAISED YOU AND YOU CAN’T VOTE FOR HIM SO YOU AGREE TO VOTE FOR ONE OF YOUR CLOSEST ALLIES

So, I was worried about a blindside, since Seamus and I wanted Luke gone over mitch. Dan and Pat wanted Mitch gone. And honestly I didn't want Mitch to flop and become pre-jouror again in a season, and I know Mitch and I have some sort of trust basis. So I was afreiad for the reactions of dan and pat, BUT I was informed a few mins ago by seamus that Dan is on board to vote Luke, so I got no need to worry.

Luckily tonight our tribe is safe from winning the challenge, although I'm a little bummed none of the footage I recorded was used in the lip synch video. The challenge was really close, and I wonder if the two tribes will continue to be this evenly matched, especially after tonight's vote. At this point, I'm just worried about Mitch and hope he stays in the game tonight.

Um so I honestly don't even know what's happening. I'm being told that I'm getting votes tonight but then Seamus wants to merge his idol with mine and keep me so I'm honestly shook. If he did that I'd want everybody to vote for me so then i could vote out Julia with my one vote and blindside Mitch because he thinks he could be safe right now. I just hope that it goes to plan because I do notttt want to be out.

Hello I might die really early already. 

So I didn't put in a video for the lip sync challenge because I'm not incredibly comfortable showing my face. I did my best to offer help/critique but I slept in until 3PM because of Sun/Moon and I don't think I was very helpful. Long story short, everybody did something except for me and Luke, so that's who the vote has come down to.   

I love Luke. I'm upset that Luke is in the same position as me. I want to work with Luke, but if I want to live, he's gotta die. This is shitty. 

I'm getting freaked out about how easily accessible idols are, too. If Luke gets an idol, I am dead. And I'm going to dinner during tribal. So even if I did fuse with someone, I wouldn't be able to save myself. I'd have to rely on one of my allies to play it on me in my absence.   

Get ready to flop. I hope I get host tea if I'm voted out. I hope Kyla does 12x better than me.

OKAY AHH IVE CONFESSED ALOT TODAY BUT LIKE OMG SO I WAS TALKING TO MITCH AND I GET ADDED INTO HIS SEAMUS/ASHLEY/HIM ALLIANCE AHHHH I love this game so much rn Lets pray im not messy like i was in motu maha

I didn't even know we won immunity until now whew so I'm popping bottles truly Also Julia? I don't know her? Idk how I'll feel if she gets voted out

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda

Welcome, welcome, welcome. After last weeks very entertaining trainwreck, I gotta say I was pretty fucking pumped to revisit the AYTO cast. Nothing makes these recaps easier to write than failure of other people. Lucky for me, this cast not only fails but also does some straight-up stupid shit in the process. I mean, between Tyler and Carolina these recaps practically write themselves.

Anyways, Im drinking cheap wine and my laptop is charged. Lets begin now.

AFTER BLACKING OUT AND LOSING A SHIT TON OF MONEY

Carolina has produced enough tears to give the town of Flint some clean water. Shes literally moving from one location to the other just fucking sobbing. Joeys pretty upset toonow hes a loveless trashman. Sad!

They are both like kneeling on the floor, praying to sweet baby Jesus that they can overcome this horrible hardship of losing your love of two weeks. Joeys low-key kneeling down to pick up some trash off the ground because you cannot take the man away from his livelihood, goddammit.

Kathryn/Rushboobs is like ARE WE DONE?? to Ozzy and its like, uh, is this a trick question? Oh duh, I forgot shes an education major from FSU. Someone needs to basically fucking spell out how this game works for her.

Ozzy tries to let her down easy and she storms off because how dare he try and focus on the whole object of the game!?

Kam, the girl with the grey/purple hair as my mom calls her (like, mom its a three fucking letter name), is like “OKAY EVERYONE STOP FUCKING CRYING.” I am Kam, Kam is me.

Rushboobs cant help that she has a lot of feelings and the fucking mentality of a 14-year-old.

Tee is like “I WANT A BOYFRIEND WITH A BRAIN.” And when you want an intellectual boyfriend the first place you should go is an MTV reality show. *cough, cough BULLSHIT cough*

Shes into Oswaldo, who is low-key hot but also looks like Austin Ames friend from (the one in the middle). YEAH, I KNOW, IM FUCKING RIGHT.

He is talking about how he wants to be a businessman and watches Animal Planet because knowledge is power. Yeah, I bet watching episodes of is really going to put you ahead in your fuckin career.

Honestly, I cannot hear him saying anything besides diner girl.

THE CHALLENGE

Can I just saylots of slow motion running this season. We get it. You use special effects.

The game involves the casts social media and they have to answer questions based off their profiles. Apparently they all are fucking crazy online too, further solidifying the fact that they will never get jobs in the real world.

Except Joey. Trash collecting doesnt have a lot of requirements to it.

They all are asked the same questions and need to find the answer for their partner in a maze like web that Ryan so cleverly calls the inter-net.

Whenever Ryan says something fucking cheesy that cast cracks up like its the best shit theyve ever heard. I imagine producers are standing behind them with like guns pointed to their backsfucking laugh at Ryans pun or Ill murder your family. Carolina, shed a tear if you need help.

Thats not really a thing, you fucking idiots.

It goes like this:

Question: Biggest turnoff in a guy?

JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who listens, because I listen. ALSO JOEY: I know KARI likes a guy who eats food because I eat food.

Joey, be a doll and never speak again. Thanks!

Question: If I won the lotto what would I buy?

NORMAL PEOPLE: A plane ticket anywhere in the world! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would donate to charity! NORMAL PEOPLE: I would pay loans! HAYDEN: ME BUY LARGE TRUCK.

Question: Whats a gross habit you have?

OZZY: Im just here to fuck Carolina, so Im picking the first thing I see *picks wipes boogers on the wall* CAROLINA: Omg he knows me so well!!!

Note to self, never, ever go to Carolinas booger house.

Hayden and Rushboobs get in first, Joey and KARI get second. To make it even more awkward, Ozzy and Carolina get third. Oh, I love this.

Ryan tells them they are all going hiking with monkeys and Ozzy has to act excited, like he doesnt do that every other day.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Michael is like I WAS AN EMT BUT I QUIT BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE, AM I RIGHT? Thats like being like I WAS A VET, BUT ANIMALS, RIGHT? Michael, further implicating himself as unemployable.

Gianna is like, still having a lady boner over Michael and Hayden has developed a city on Friendzone Island where he is now the mayor. Shes like, laying all over him and totally loving the fact that hes more whipped than a girl in BDSM porn.

Carolina is in love with Ozzy faster than President Trump can delete the LGBT Rights page from his website. Quite suddenly, hes the hottest guy in the house and she liked him the whole time she was with Joey. Hmm, sounds like alternative facts.

Shes like “MY PARENTS WOULD LOVE YOU” hes like “mmmm okay, Booger rubber.”

Also, when talking to the camera separately, Carolina seems like the most boring person literally ever. Was she on a sedative? Why do I feel like they put her on this show like, mid-wisdom teeth removal?

Rushboobs is pounding wine, honestly same, while Ozzy and Carolina start making out.

Tyler, this seasons resident fuckboy, is like Shannon is fun and flirty! Which is the way of saying easy! Shannon, you seem nice, but when you speak I want to throw myself in front of a fucking train. Her voice truly sounds like everything annoying in the world just took a massive shit in her vocal chords. Did she do the voice over for Bubbles in ?

Taylor is like “dafuq is this?” And straight-up calls Tyler out. Shes like you didnt even get to know me very calmly and Tyler is like WOAH.

TYLER: YOU ARENT MY GIRLFRIEND TAYLOR: I know, I just wanted to get to know you because you seem cool TYLER: WOW, WHAT A CRAZY BITCH

Rushboobs is talking to Ozzy about how she still cares about him and shell never forget the 14 days they had together on a reality show, where everything is pretty much superficial.

Carolina comes in hot and is like “RUSHBOOBS DOESNT KNOW IF IM GOOD FOR OZZY OR NOT! not even understanding that they arent talking about her.

Joey comes in to defend Rushboobs and mostly just shit talk Carolina. Joey starts yelling at Carolina about how she juggles guys and shes crazy and all this other bullshit. Joey, pull your tampon out and quit being a little baby about this. Move the fuck on. Youre a single trashmanyour life can only go up from here!

Joeys like “WHY DONT YOU TAKE A FIRST CLASS FLIGHT HOME WITH OZZY!!!!” And its like, ooooohhh good one, bro, and Ozzys like uh, Im from here. Ozzys mom will be picking him up after the show, thanks for the concern though.

Shannon is talking to Tyler and I swear I have heard more interesting shit come out of a Baby Born doll. Why do you sound like you survive on a diet of rainbows and helium? Whatever, they annoy me. Moving on.

THE DATE WITH ALL THE LITTLE BIRDIES AND THE MONKEYS

They go to play with the monkeys and Carolina is like we took food out and the animals attacked us. Wow, groundbreaking.

She and Ozzy start making out and its like, could you just chill for a second? There are fucking animals eating corn off your head.

Joey starts complaining to KARI about Carolina and shes like I think you still like her. KARIs in med school man, dont fuck with her. Also, she can literally see into your mind with those big-ass eyes of hers.

Hes like “I SWEAR ON MY LIFE IM OVER IT! I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER LOVED THAT I AM SO OVER THAT HORRIBLE, HATEFUL, CRAZY BITCH CAROLINA.” The trashman doth protest too much.

KARI leaves because she doesnt need this bullshit. She can fucking read minds and save people. Time to move the fuck on.

Am I watching ? Because I swore I just heard Joey say can I steal her for a minute? Joey, do not fucking try to hybrid my reality shows rn!

He pulls Carolina aside and is like KARI WONT TALK TO ME BECAUSE OF YOU!!! Uh, wait what? Carolina starts yelling and this is just a goddam mess. Honestly, the sexual tensionyou could cut it with a knife.

Ozzy goes to save Carolina before she starts rubbing boogers all over Joeys face.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Carolina and Ozzy are in the Truth Booth, thank god. Put me out of my fucking misery.

But wait, Ryan offers a deal where they dont send Ozzy and Carolina and they take $150,000 bucks instead. But if they take the money, they can never send those two in the truth booth again. Damn Ryan, back at it again with the shitty trades.

The house is divided with Kam being like CAROLINA IS CRAZY TAKE THE MONEY and everyone else being like hmmm idk.

Ryan asks Derrick, who is like the unofficial spokesperson of the house, what their plan is and they decide to not take the truth booth trade. Damn, Ive heard stupider shit come out of Kellyanne Conways mouth.

And lookie here, NO MATCH.

Moral of the story: Listen to Kam. Listen to me. Never make a decision on your own. Bye!

Carolina is crying again. Someone put a Brita filter under this bitch.

Rushboobs is like wow this is so sad *smiles* *dances* *throws flowers around the room* *throws party*

Joey and Rushboobs bond over alcohol and their hatred of Carolina and start flirting. This is how it goes, I shit you not:

RUSHBOOBS: Stop! JOEY: No, you stop *leans in closer* RUSHBOOBS: No, you stop *leans in closer* ME: NO SERIOUSLY, FUCKIN STOP.

Ive seen better flirting skills from a fucking third grader. Where did you learn to communicate with the opposite sex, Rushboobsyour students? Joey, I dont even want to know how your livelihood has affected your lovelife.

Tee is like “I CANNOT WAIT TO FUCK OSWALDO,” and its like, wow okay. Shoutout to her parents. But also, do you girl #womensmarch

KARI and Tyler start talking. Tylers playing the role of the victim like I cant help that every girl wants to bone me! wow, life must be so hard for you. How do you even get up in the morning?

Tyler is hot though, dammit. Always the pretty ones. KARI ends up straddling him and they go to bed together. Well. Okay then.

Meanwhile, Kam and Eddie are hanging out and giving me couple goals. If they arent a match Im fucking throwing hands.

MTV: Kam and Eddie, you are not a couple ME: CASH ME OUTSIDE, HOW BOW DAH

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

The girls pick tonight so hopefully it wont be too much of a shit show.

Rushboobs picks Joey, a trashy match made in heaven.

Tee picks Osvaldo, the knowledgeable son of a bitch. I imagine he is just whispering animal facts into her ear all night.

Hannah picks Derrick/Kellyanne.

Casandra and Jaylen. Yawn.

Kam and Eddie, because duh.

Shannon picks Tyler. Yuck. Ryans like Tyler, hows it going? And Tylers like “I GOT TO KNOW KARI INTIMATELY!” Okay. Not the question but whatever. So classy. Goddam, I want to kiss your face but also hit it with shovel???

Hes like I was sauced and tries to act like it was a drunken thing. Very cool of him. And STOP USING THE TERM SAUCED. Like I literally just picture you rolling around in marinara.

KARIs like fuck it, yeah I gave him a handjob. Wow, okay MTV youre really doin the damn thing. Honestly, who hasnt given a regretful handjob?

Taylor is crying because shes like wait you never even spoke to me! Everyone, including me, feels bad for Taylor because like, Tylers fucking gross.

Tyler: The funny thing about a conversation is give me a handjob.

Tylers like I guess Im the bad guy and its like, hmmm, what gave it away? I shall play you the worlds smallest violin. Can you hear it?

Carolina picks Hayden and Giannas like “WTF NO.”

Gianna picks Ozzy and Ozzy literally looks like he wants to kill himself. Relatable.

Alicia picks Mike. Cool story.

Taylor comes up and crying and Ryans like how do you feel? Uh how do you think she fucking feels? Is the crying not a clue? Shes like I feel disrespected but honestly, when am I ever not. This is like a speech from a movie.

TAYLOR TO TYLER: But waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing. (name the movie)

Taylor picks Michael as her perfect match.

Andre is like “Taylor is hot and sad. I make happy. We bone. Yay!”

Im endorsing that couple RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

Andre and KARI are left.

They are all like we cannot get another blackout! and Im like just fuck me up, fam. Give me another blackout, make my goddam day.

But alas, they get 4 BEAMS. Not bad for a bunch of pretty degenerates.

Cant wait to see what fuckery next week holds!

Read more: http://ift.tt/2keySPB

from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Last Week They Took An L, But This Week They Bounced Back Kinda

[trendyelle]

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a mature adult considers their body like a trashcan, then you distinguish the daily strive that is doing whatever the fuck off miss while at the same time wanting to have a great person and enormous skin. Lifes hard whether it wishes to get fucked up at Ministers Ball but also seem 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did invest the weekend going through mimosas like water and ingesting sufficient food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a brand-new me. A better me. A me who applies actual vitamins and minerals into her structure so her surface doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she chewed last darknes. So heres a roll of meat you should eschew like an ex-boyfriend slipping into your DMs and foods you should embrace because theyll sterilize your fucking heads. Damn, Ive went bars. DONT: Ingest Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even gobbles canned fleshes anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird infatuation with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a blood-red fucking pennant that this kid was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always bragging about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in them and generates your body to hold on to sea, which is why your face is always puffy or you have bags under your eyes that can be seen from cavity, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and also be obnoxious on Instagram, dining salmon is a sure practice to get better searching scalp. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty battery-acids and healthy fattens. These fattens reinforce cadre membranes and nourish the surface to prevent you examining fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol just because you often say shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre boozing to purge your form are actually truly fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as hell, specially the light-green juices which can have up to 50 grams of carbohydrate in them, which is actual destruction when it comes to having clear scalp. ^ I guess every fitstagrammer when the find out they’ve been gushing liquid sugar into their temples bodies DO: Drink A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the red-hot tutor at your gym, protein smoothies can actually be beneficial for your surface. The more you know. Abide away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These different kinds of smoothies are high in healthy flabs and wont leave your scalp gazing more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I investigated coming. Good-for-nothing that tastes this good can be anything but sabotage on your organization. And since Im not on my date rn in control of my torso I suspect Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar which can species this fun circumstance called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your mas. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with the most are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy ogling. So mostly chewing ice cream is aging you.* paces into oncoming congestion* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your scalp. So even though it preferences health and the whole time youll be pleasing you two are eating real chocolate with real flavor at the least your scalp will gaze good AF and be protected by wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick joke. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you likewise want me to commit homicide the next time someone responds everyone to ministries and departments email series? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my mentality around because coffee is literally one of the only rationales I get out of bed in the morning, and hence, the same reasons you get to experience this sparkling temperament. That tell me anything, coffee is a diuretic( imitation word Im sure !) which causes your organization to lose liquid and your skin to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you require glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republican plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though the prospect of drinking red-hot lemon ocean sounds about as enticing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super are you all right. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and presents some very much support to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the main organ that detoxifies their own bodies and if youre full of toxins boozing on daytimes that intent in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have nice things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally victimized by this list. Like, is person looking at my bank affirmation and be careful to ensure that I spend a great amount of my down time in coffee shop and/ or bagel browses? Because Im feeling actually criticized rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your skin and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for dates.* prays this is phony report* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id rather deprived than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the toll we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right kind of carbs probs because it ogles miserable to eat and likewise because its high in antioxidants which weve established will not only give you clear/ glowy scalp but likewise fightings against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To absolutely no ones surprise except my own because I refuse to read descriptions written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my merriment, soda is bad for you. And just because you drink diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda specially interrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your bowel. Too boozing various kinds of soda can really fuck with your skin. Like, reason rosacea, eczema, and acne fuck with your skin. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Also, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant precisely drink vodka straight-from-the-shoulder. I want to have clearer surface , not succumb. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that looks good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my scalp. About damn experience. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all your life difficulties. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you require clear skin by the time this weekend’s brunch rosters around then chug some of this and simulate like its booze something you experience drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you rapture is perhaps fucking up your surface and you are able to cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not build the inventory, but thats largely because I refused to do any actual study that would substantiate otherwise. Who says you cant induce your own destiny? Listen, if all else fails and you have no self verify dont want to relinquish your joy theres always Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-46/