#and i know i always say it but the salons here are legitimately trapped in the 90s with everything but their prices

[brunetterightsactivist]

i want to start doing my nails again but i don't want to DO my nails i just want them to be done you know what i'm sayingggggg

[shesawriter39049]

BTS -HS-HEADCONS

(Slightly NSFW ) ..JUST A LIL

Mkay ..disclaimer this is all in good FUN, I’m also a fellow 94 liner, so if the boys were in the US, we would’ve been in HS together!

This is Obv very Westernized and I’m writing this as if they aren’t the art school AU’s people typically write

(EDITED 8/5/2020)

Jimin-

-A whole thot thot, I mean don’t get me wrong he’s a total sweetheart but he’s still a walking  thirst trap, no cap, no filter! He’s kinda ”famous” on social media(Prob like 15-20k) Snap, IG, FB, you name it...for some reason he always seems to work out shirtless. LOVES to take pics so you KNOW he worked out shirtless!

-Please don’t let any form of R&B play at a party...It’s a wrap, what you tryin to see? Some grind work? A little hip roll action? You want a lap dance? Tongue out and all! The Asian alllll the black girls girls love(Obviously not just black girls but lets be real..it takes a certain...appeal..and Jimin has it!) 

- Gives off that whole “My dad owns, about 5 nail salons and beauty supplies in the hood” kinda vibe! (Meaning hes comfortable around different walks of life,he doesn't feel out of place easily, hes the type of person that everybody can gravitate towards) The boy has swag and he knows it…got everybody from Megan to Brian thirsty as all hell! 

-Will win best hair his senior year..without a doubt, well if he doesn't fry it first!... Looks like a walking Pantene commercial, yes, more so because he can’t go two seconds without running his fingers through his scalp!

-KING of subtle shade...knows all the tea but acts like he doesn't as he slowly sips his Starbucks. The type to honestly forget he’s told 3 different girls they could wear his jersey/Letterman jacket! Until they all text him Thursday night ....

-A jock that’s cool with everybody! The type to cuss out his fellow athletes that are total dick wads and bully people... I feel like he’d be a damn good running back, he has the right height a muscle build up for it. 

-Owns a pair of buffs, don't lie to yourself you know you could see it too...wears skinny jeans with Timberland's 😒, still wears 3878374 rings. Believe it or not he gives me like Tilly’s/Zumiez/PacSun vibes!

-Drives a red obnoxiously loud scat pack that’s tinted way past the legal shade! He drifts on the weekends. Jimin would be your local plug IDC,IDC,IDC...LOL I said what I said, got a whole eighter hiding in a fake bottle of orange juice!

- Just flirting his way through high school living his best life… will fuck someone up if need be, has a slight temper, sassy as hell, can roll his eyes with the best of them. ”Would it be ...too extra if I changed outfits and dates during the dance?..Serious question guys! ” 

- He’d be the one that all the girls say gives the best head ...I mean..those lips..that tongue..HELLO! Stroke game on point...I feel like he’d have no filter when it comes to talking about sex publicly. No shame, loves to tease you, at the worst times, down to sneak off to the bathroom, or the janitors closet! Will bend you over behind the bleachers after they win a football game...if your down...gang, gang!

Namjoon-

-An Asian with light skin tendencies ...the one that low key may think he’s black (I’m joking!! lmao,,,maybe) 

-He’s that one person that legitimately everyone likes...no matter how hard you may try..you just can’t dislike him! 

-He actually is class president!

-Hangs out with all the basketball players and has the freshest Jordans..but can’t hoop! He’s on the school newspaper..writes the sports column...is still that free spirit telling you to live your best damn life.  

-Either looks like he’s going to a business meeting or like he just picked out damn near everything from Champs there’s no in between! 

-Makes and sells beats on the side, would also have a strong social media presence! He’s be the type to have a ton of followers on Sound Cloud and Spotify!

-The type to try and talk is way into and or around everything “I understand hats are against the wardrobe but I’m just trying to express myself and I think it’s right to give everybody self expression” Wears glasses, though none of us really know if he needs them forreal forreal…. Wears a snowman on his wrist (A big iced out watch). 

-Drives a white BMW 430, puts cones around his car in the parking lot..Yoongi and Jimin kick the cones...faithfully..everyday!

-Don’t let his niceness fool you, will cook your ass in the blink of an eye if need be! Prefers a good verbal situation though, the king of a good word battle will have you all types of trying to check the dictionary to understand what he just said! Got you standing there like a misplaced student in honors English… 

- If shit get’s physical well..we can’t let the president fight soo...he’ll call Yoongi or Jimin to handle it for him…. Because...well his Jay’s are brand new..and only 10 other people have them...sooooo..OR maybe it’s lowkey because he can’t fight all that well...baby’s not coordinate OKAY!? Don’t @ me! 

-Oophfff daddy long leg! Lmao nah but you know he’d be the one...the one that every girl says he’s packin..and he is...He’d be little more reserved..and modest when it comes to his skills but he’s damn sure not shy! Would deff skip lunch, for a quickey at the park..yes the park.....would leave for lunch in a suit...come back in some joggers....real subtel....

Yoongi -

-The unexpected jock ...the one who can kick your entire ass in basketball, one of the stars on the team! Shooting Guard, has a championship ring from every year he’s played!

-Picks and chooses when he wants to be social. Just judge his mood based on his  face that day!

-DJ’s every party and school event. Often gets into trouble for not playing the clean versions of songs!

-He’s on the morning broadcast with Jimin and Jin...also forgets to censor himself. I.E “Peter Pan opened last night and it sucked actual ass!” 

-Lowkey highkey funny AF, king of sarcasm and one liners!

-Purposely owns an old school Chevelle instead of a new car, also drifts on the weekends.

- Lives in like the flyest loungewear...joggers, hoodies,Jays..doesn't look like he tried but still looks bomb AF. 

-Another one that will creep up on you when it comes to his skill in bed, the one that girls say there surprised with how passionate and attentive he is! In contrast to how  hard his exterior can be, the type to take his time and make sure your more than satisfied….

 -Always, ALWAYS has his headphones in, lives and breathes music! He raps on the side, competes in underground competitions, and win’s without even trying! Refuses to ever participle in the schools talent show because he can’t swear therefore they are hindering his creative flow! 

-Constantly looks like he’d rather cut his own testie off than be “here” right now. 

-Will walk out if you don't let him go to the bathroom when he feels like it, actually he’ll just walk out period…”Yoongi where are you going!?” . 

“Oh I need another espresso shot before I sit through this extremely falsely sugarcoated reality of how Columbus “discovered”  a place that was already there!” 

Jimin: “Aww man, sit down I got you! I was just about to have Pizza Hut sent to the office, you wanna add into my postmates order!!?” 

😩😂😂😂...I canttttt ..maybe I’ll do the other four!? Again all in good fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I often wonder what the boys would be like if they were born in the states. Then I realize the lack of filter they’d all have especially JIMIN and I’m grateful for the cultural differences that come with them being Korean born !

UPDATE- 7/29...I think I might turn these headcons into a lil sum sum...writing these reminded me that I actually enjoyed HS (For me my “shitty” period was like elementray and part of middle school) But I made HS my bitch, and had so much damn fun lol !

7/30- PART 1

[dominicvail]

in another world, ncis:la feeds us with actual Au episodes every now and again, but our world is imperfect and we just have to imagine this stuff here, but like, if this did happen i would Require these au’s;

A Bowling Au. Everything is played with exactly the same tone as the actual show, so it’s usually laughable but Sometimes super dramatic except instead of like, a terrorist attack, a rival team bowled a strike. Sam used to be on a super militant and well respected team and hasn’t gotten over that half the time people don’t know the name of this new one. He believes bowling balls should be polished before repacking, Every time, that Deeks just shoves his in the same reusable plastic bag he’s had for 8 years Pains him. G’s back story is Identical to the show except this isn’t a spy genre anymore so ppl just think he’s like, the super above it all edge lord because of it all. 

Teacher AU. Sam teaches all kinds of advanced math, G is a gym teacher who acts really stupid all the time to stop people giving him responsibilities he doesn’t want. Despite this, he is often dragged in to cover for language classes because somebody figured out he’s a language like, genius or something. He covered a drama class one time, too, and was scarily good at it. Deeks actually Is the drama teacher, the kids all Love him. Kensi teaches all kinds of physical design classes, like, anything to do with engines, she does woodwork, things like that, she’s not As liked among the student body (i mean, the boys and gays love her, but her jokes are Weird) but she isn’t classed as one of the asshole teachers. Eric teaches IT or whatever u call computing, he’s friendly, won’t put up with crap, but like, next to nobody understands him because he’s not good at dumbing things down. Nell doesn’t teach at first, was just an administrator dealing with all the complicated things, but sometimes substitutes, she’s tiny and Scary and is not a substitute u can walk all over, the ones who tried can’t figure out How she got them to behave??? but it happened. Mr Deeks and Ms Blye are the ‘will they or won’t they’ teacher couple of the school only for deeks to accidentally let slip that his wife is better at long distance running than he is and they all work it out that they’ve been married the whole time. Mr Beale and Miss Jones become the next will they won’t they couple except it embarrasses them so much all they do is blush at each other now. Hetty is the principal/head teacher. She is rarely seen, to be feared, but always watching. 

Star Trek AU; Hetty is the captain of the ship they’re on, but the show is more about the main away team. Is the team’s reputation as bad as section 31 (the shady(tm) part of starfleet), No! Is their reputation necessarily good? No. In fact, they frequently butt heads with section 31 (we’re calling them the equivalent of the cia in the show, they can be friends but... yeah), however their results are rarely questionable and they save many, many lives. It is highly unlikely anyone will ever be promoted. Sam is a Vulcan, calm waters... except if you make him snap, Vulcans have deep running emotions. Deeks is just. The Most Obnoxious Human to him Ever. G is half betazed, it’s why he’s so good at reading people.  Eric is a member of a species that is super social but have few social graces similar to humans so is always super awkward. Kensi has a tragic backstory where she thinks the borg got her dad when she was a kid but it was a Cover Up. I would make Nell non human also, but i will be honest, i am running out of trek aliens i can make her (klingon nell is a Hilarious concept tho). Hetty is Bajoran. 

James Bond AU. Everything is the same except they all use bad english accents the whole way through the episode. 

I am a massive fan of alternate takes on soulmate au’s, i don’t like romantic soulmate au’s, but unusual takes on them are my Jam. In this one, people have soul marks from people who will have the most profound effects on them in their lives on their bodies. This doesn’t necessarily mean the effects will be good, just profound and altering. The team realise they all have marks from each other on their bodies, and are elated to find out all those marks are Positive effects. 

Though i will admit the ‘see in colour when you meet your soulmate’ one would be hilarious with legitimately Any of the partners on the show. Kensi: See’s deeks, learns what blue is. Kensi: spirals into deep denial and yells at him a lot. 

Queer Eye AU where the Fab 5 are called in when Hetty nominates her team for a makeover! Bobby redecorates the boat shed, is asked by hetty to keep what is already bulletproof, bulletproof. And to keep the trap door. And not to worry about any bloodstains and how they got there. Tan’s discovers how hard it is to style around Sam’s muscles. Tries very hard to stop Nell from mixing prints. Experiences horror at Eric’s wardrobe, Nell is shown in BG laughing. Every single man exhibits true, actual horror at the idea of JVN changing their hair and pack into Sam’s car and run away to hide in the woods. Nell and Kensi enjoy the salon appointment in their absence. Karamo manages to negotiate getting paid literally twice his previous rate by just having to try to fix these idiots’ lives and deserves every penny. Antoni trying to teach them to make fun and not disgusting food doesn’t end well. Deeks can cook but likes to Experiment and 97% of his food is awful. Sam can cook, but it’s all bland muscle building/health food. The rest of them are incompetent, set the kitchen on fire, are caught ordering chinese on the sly, ruin 5 pots and pans with burn marks. They open the new boatshed design by interrogating a criminal they just picked up on a case, he points out how fabulous the decor is as he’s led to the interrogation room. Everybody cheers. The team provided snacks in said interrogation Could be considered a torture technique, tho. 

The team go on jeopardy. I have never seen this game show and have no idea how it works, but i bet it would be funny so it is a bullet point. 

Buffy the vampire slayer au, Kensi is a vampire slayer who Happens to just be an ncis agent. She does her normal job but also tries to keep the vampire world a secret from her team mates. Callen: uh, kensi... why do you spend so much of your free time hanging around cemeteries? Kensi: uh... Bat watching???

Superhero AU but they all have really dumb powers. Sam can raise the temperature of any body of water from a lake to a puddle by ten degrees in temperature whenever he wants. G can spontaneously grow and un-grow his hair, if he gets drunk and makes it super long he has ringlets. Deeks can hover exactly one foot in the air, no higher, is designated ‘grab that off the high shelf’ guy. Kensi can sense sugar. This helps in no ways but essentially makes her a human version of one of the medical alert dogs for diabetics. Eric can make anybody around him mildly sleepy if he wants to. He never wants this. It doesn’t even send them to sleep, they just yawn more often and that makes Him yawn more. Nell can speak to cows, since she lives in the middle of Los Angeles, this is not helpful. Plus, cows mostly just talk about grass and are really very boring. Granger could create rainbows out of thin air which was obviously in perfect sync with his personality. Hetty can detach her toes at will. This is only useful in the case of uncomfortable shoes, but can be awkward if somebody routinely searches your bag and finds them in there and arrests you for being a creepy toe cutting off serial killer. 

i would watch it, s’all i’m saying.

[thisgarbagelife]

Ok But Seriously Tho...

“Omg betch, thanks for meeting me for brunch I have A TON of life’s trashings to unload.”

“Same. You, like, don’t even know.”

“Oh, I can’t with it.”

“Uh, agreed. as. fuck! You go first.”

“So, like, not many people can actually, like, get on my level, and then I, like, meet someone who does seem to actually know where I am coming from and, like, they “get me”, but then I legitimately can’t tell if they are being serious or if they are just saying stuff that they know I obviously want to hear based on their obvious prior extensive experience, so then I do that thing, you know, where you have to, like, play this fucked-up game of chess personality so you can make sure to keep everyone at an arm’s length or longer until you can figure out what their deal is, but then you, like, suck so hard at, like, figuring out what peoples’ deals are, but then not, like, totally, because of all your sales experience but, like, still, it’s just, like, even the idea of true intimacy and an actually loving and trusting relationship with someone that is built from mutual actual understanding is, like, something you’ve always been looking for, like, who hasn’t, but then that very scenario, like, has presented itself, like, a number of times but it definitely seems very disengenuous somehow, like, what’s really going on here, so now you have, like, the eagle eye out for it and, like, it’s not like you actively want to sabotage your own happiness, but, like, you start re-questioning everything about yourself, like, obviously this keeps happening so it’s obviously your issue, and then it’s just, like, don’t even go down that rabbit hole you fucking bitch, but then, like...”

“Ok, I’m sorry. You keep saying you, but do you mean you as in you’re referring to me or are you saying you and you mean yourself even though you’re talking to me?”

“What?”

“Bitch, you need to be more genuine. And I’m not saying you’re not being genuine, because you totally have that ability, but you have absolutely got to stop doing that thing where you mentally assess someone and then base your responses on what you think they do or don’t wanna hear depending on the type of person you think they are and whatever fucking insane dilusional fear you have conjured up about them and what they have planned for you and then tailoring your actions and responses to see how they react in order for you to be able to plan ahead in case your fear is correct, just so you always have at least one sneakered shoe out the door ready to run very quickly into a different existence, that just seems like it would be so mentally exhausting and, like, what is even the worst thing that could happen.”

“Girl we are not getting into that right now.”

“Ok, well I’ll go then. So John and the boys are really jazzed up about the new sports complex and I heard that there is a hot yoga studio/tanning/salon going into one of the retail spaces on the ground level and now that Jason is 13 all three of them are in soccer now and if it’s anything like last year I’m definitely looking at 3 back-to-back games several times a week and I am just wondering, am I a bad mother if I get a cardboard cutout of myself to sit in my chair to watch their games and then go spend those three hours in the hot yoga/tanning/salon boutique.”

“That’s honestly fucking genius and you know it. If you need a cardboard cutout contact I got a guy.”

“You have got to get over your crippling fear of someone hunting you down and tricking/trapping you into a healthy relationship and eventual marriage. That’s not how healthy relationships work, first of all, and secondly, now you are so hyper-sensitive and paranoid you’ve made an art-form out of repelling people and you’re just making your life unnecessarily difficult. Because it’s just a real shame. You’re a bomb-ass bitch.”

“You are! John and the boys are literally the luckiest people on the planet rn. Like, lit-er-ah-lee.”

“I swear to christ someday you will meet a gentleman who will want and have the ability to fully-decode your insane fears and phobias which have manifested into a complete lack of presentation of a normal fear response and you are gorgeous and intelligent and fucking hilarious and I just fucking love you bitch I honestly can’t even!”

“I can’t even with you. Your life is like the model in which all lives should be based-upon and, like, fucking, John is a gift from the god of handing out the best guys ever and you know how much I fucking hate children and your three boys are literal perfect cloud angel baby puppy sweethearts and I am just so happy for you I might cry later because you fucking deserve every bit of it because you are amazing.”

“Bitch you are the funniest person I have ever known and I cannot wait for you to achieve your dreams and honestly you actually will and that has always motivated me like our whole lives.”

“I honestly can’t even with this.”

“Literally”

*clink mimosa glasses”

In Unison: “To therapy!”