#and i just wanted to pick from the three recent/modern remakes

[raccoonscity]

Make Me Choose: Best Remake → Resident Evil 4 Remake (asked by @hereticstations)

[things2mustdo]

When I ask myself what films in recent years have been my favorites, I find that the answers all seem to have a few things in common.  One, the movie must tell a compelling story; two, it must rise above its genre to make a larger statement about life or some universal idea; and three, it must be technically well made.  All great art—including film—can serve as a vehicle for the presentation of ideas, and the promotion of a certain virtue.  Although the mainstream American film industry has become more and more a sad repository of feminist cant and lowest-common-denominator commercial pandering, the foreign film world has undergone something of a renaissance in the past fifteen years.

The best films of France, Germany, Spain, and the UK are edgier, more intelligent, and more masculine than anything found in the US.  It was not always so.  But the work of great European directors like Jacques Audiard, Gaspar Noe, Nicolas Winding Refn, and Shane Meadows leaves little room for doubt that the true cutting-edge work is being done in Europe.  (Argentina deserves honorable mention here as having an excellent film industry).  The mainstream, corporate-driven US film industry has effectively smothered independent voices under an avalanche of political correctness, girl-power horseshit, chick-flickism, and mind-numbing CGI escapist dreck.

Movies that deal with masculine themes in a compelling way are not easy to come by these days.  Honest explorations of masculine virtues are repressed, marginalized, or trivialized.  One needs to scour the globe to cherry-pick the best here and there, and in some cases you have to go back decades in time.  Luckily, the availability of Netflix and other subscription services has made this task much easier than it used to be.  Access to the best cinema of Europe, South America, and Asia can be a great way for us to catch as glimpse at a foreign culture, as well as reflect on serious ideas.

I want to offer my recommendations on some films that I believe are an important part of the modern masculine experience, in all its wide variety and expression.  Out of the scores of possible choices, I decided to pick the handful of films that are perhaps not as well known to readers.  My opinions will not be shared by all.  I encourage readers to draw up their own lists of films dealing with masculine themes, and hope they will reflect on the reasons behind their choices.  Below are mine, in no particular order.  In italics is a brief plot synopsis, followed by my own comments.

1. Straw Dogs (1971).

A mild-mannered American academic (Dustin Hoffman) living in rural Cornwall with his beautiful wife becomes the target of harassment by the local toughs.  Things escalate to a sexual assault on his wife, and eventually to a brutal and protracted fight to the death when a local man takes refuge on their property.

Dustin Hoffman reaches his breaking point in “Straw Dogs”

This is a classic example of the type of movie that could never be made today.  Arguably Sam Peckinpah’s most daring film, it contains a controversial rape scene that seems to leave open the question whether Hoffman’s wife (played by Susan George) was a victim or a willing participant.  Faced with his wife’s betrayal, and continuing harassment from local miscreants, Hoffman’s character finds himself completely isolated and must learn to stand his ground and fight.

A chance incident later in the film sets the stage for a blood-soaked confrontation which is as inevitable as it is necessary. Peckinpah presents a compelling case for the cathartic power of violence, and the achievement of masculine identity through man-on-man combat.  It is a theme I find myself strongly drawn to. Controversial, powerful, and unforgettable, Peckinpah proves himself an unapologetic and strident advocate of old-school martial virtue.  We would do well to listen.  His voice is sorely missed today.  (Note:  avoid the pathetic recent remake of this movie).  Honorable mention:  Peckinpah’s The Wild Bunch (1969) and Bring Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974).

2. Sorcerer (1977).

A group of international renegades find themselves down and out in Nicaragua, and volunteer for a job transporting unstable dynamite across the country to quell an oil rig fire.

Due to inept marketing when this movie was first released, it never achieved the credit it so fully deserved.  A motley group of international riff-raff (including the always appealing Roy Scheider) seeks redemption through a harrowing trial.  But will they get it?  Is it even desirable to escape one’s dark past?  The answers are complex, and director William Friedkin refuses to supply easy ones.  The characters in this film are doomed, and they know it, but they still hold true to their own code.  Which is itself honorable.  Consequences must be paid for everything we do in life, and often the price comes in a way never expect.  Dark, brooding, and humming with a pulse-pounding electronic score by Tangerine Dream, this film has deservedly become a cult classic.  The ending is a shocker you’ll never see coming.

Roy Scheider undertakes the most perilous journey of his life in William Friedkin’s 1977 masterpiece “Sorcerer”

3.  The Lives of Others (2006).

A coldly efficient Stasi (East German security service) officer (Ulrich Muhe) is enlisted by a Communist party hack in a surveillance program against a supposed subversive writer and his girlfriend.  But monitoring the writer’s life awakens sparks of nascent humanity in the Stasi man, and he eventually must decide whether to follow orders and destroy the writer, or to sacrifice himself to save him.

This German masterpiece was made with great fidelity to the look and feel of 1980s East Germany, and the results are evident in every frame.  It belongs on any list of the greatest films ever made.  The masculine virtue here is of a different type than viewers may be used to:  it is a quiet, understated heroism, the type of heroism that probably happens every day but is hardly noticed.  There is no bragging here, no chest-beating, no big-mouthed bravado.  (In short, none of the wooden-headed caricatures that pass for masculinity in the US).  The ethic here is about love and self-sacrifice, the noblest and greatest virtues of all.

The ethos of self-sacrifice is now considered old-fashioned and almost a punch-line, but historically it was valued very highly.  It features in nearly all the old literary epics and dramas of Europe and Asia.  Actor Ulrich Muhe pulls off a minor miracle of characterization here with his portrayal of a Stasi man named Weisler, whose special wiretapping assignment against a playwright transforms him from heartless automaton into awe-inspiring hero.  The movie made me wonder just how many quiet, unassuming men there must be out there, whose toil, heroism, and sacrifice has never been, and never will be, acknowledged.  The ending is transcendently beautiful, and moving beyond words.

4.  Homicide  (1991).

A police detective (Joe Mantegna) is assigned to investigate a murder case.  The case awakens in him stirrings of his long-suppressed ethnic identity.  Unfortunately, he will eventually be forced to choose between conflicting loyalties.  And the consequences will be devastating.

No modern American director has probed the meaning of masculine identity more than David Mamet, and all of his films are meditations on themes related to illusion, reality, masculinity, and struggle.  Homicide, a nearly unknown gem from the early 1990s, is perhaps his profoundest.  Mamet knows that a man must make choices in his life, and for those choices, consequences must be paid.  And very often, we find ourselves derailed by the mental edifices we construct for ourselves.  The Mantegna character is led through a complex and increasingly ambiguous chain of events, only to find that at the heart of one mystery lies an even more inscrutable one.  Beware the things you seek.  You may not like what you find.

Joe Mantegna deals with the fatal consequences of his decisions in David Mamet’s “Homicide”

5.  A Prophet (2009).

An Algerian Arab is incarcerated in a French jail, and is drawn into the savage world of Corsican gangsters.  Forced to kill or be killed, he is drawn into a pitiless world that recognizes only cunning and brutality.  He finds himself straddling two realities:  the world of his own nationality, and that of the Corsicans.  And to survive and emerge triumphant, he must learn to play all sides against each other.

This film must be counted among the greatest crime dramas ever made.  You simply can’t take your eyes off the screen.  The lesson here is that a man must learn to survive on his wits, and do whatever is necessary to stay alive.  The Corsican boss whom Al Djebena (Tahar Rahim) works for is just about the most malevolent presence in recent screen memory.  Part of France’s continuing internal dialogue about its immigrant population, A Prophet is not to be missed.

Tahar Rahim learns a thing or two about Corsica in “A Prophet”

6.  The Beat That My Heart Skipped (2005).

An intense young man (Romain Duris) works for his father as a real estate shark in urban Paris.  His “job” consists of intimidating deadbeat immigrant tenants, vandalizing apartments, and forcibly collecting loans.  He also plays the piano.  Eventually, he is forced to decide which life he wants:  the path laid out by his shady father, or the idealistic path of his own choosing.  He’s seeking redemption, but will he find it?  And at what cost?

Again, we have here the themes of redemption and moral choice.  Romain Duris has a screen presence and intensity that rivals anything done by Pacino in his prime, and some of the scenes here are fantastic.  (His seduction of his friend’s wife, Aure Atika, is one of many great scenes).  All men will be confronted and tested by crises and situations beyond their control.  How they respond to those situations will define who they are as men.  Duris’s character proves that redemption can be achieved, if wanted badly enough.

Romain Duris embodying screen intensity

7.  Red Belt (2008).

Martial arts instructor Mike Terry is forced, against his principles, to consider entering a prize bout.  He is abandoned and betrayed by his wife and friends, and must confront his challenges alone with only his code and his pride.

Another great meditation on masculine virtue and individualism by David Mamet.  In his own unique dialogue style, Mamet showcases his belief that, in the end, all men stand alone.  At the moment of truth, it is you, and only you, who will be staring into the abyss.  Our trials by fire will not come in the time and at the place of our own choosing.  But when they do come, a man must be prepared to hold his ground and fight his corner.  Watch for Brazilian actress Alice Braga in a supporting role here.  We hope to see more of her on American screens in the future.

8.  Fear X  (2003).

A repressed security guard (John Turturro) is searching for answers to who killed his wife.  His strange behavior and ticking time-bomb manner begin to alarm friends and co-workers.  One day he finds some information that may be a lead to solving the mystery.  This discovery sets him on the path to realization. Or does it?

I am a big fan of the films of Nicolas Winding Refn (The Pusher trilogy, and Valhalla Rising), and this one is perhaps his most penetrating examination of a wounded psyche.  It failed commercially when it first appeared, as many viewers were put off by his artistic flourishes and opaque ending.  For me, this film is the deepest study of grief and repressed rage ever committed to film.  All men will be confronted by tragedy, grief, and inexplicable loss during their lives.  How we handle it will define who we are.  The greatness of this film is that it explores Turturro’s claustrophobic, neurotic world in a deeply personal way, and at the same time suggests that he may actually be on to something.  This film covers the same philosophical ground as Francis Ford Coppola’s The Conversation, in that it hints at the ultimate ambiguity of all things.

John Turturro confronts the unrelenting darkness of his own psyche in “Fear X”

If you are a Netflix subscriber and watch movies frequently, as I do, you may find it useful to keep a notebook near your television and jot down the titles of movies you see, and a few notes about what you liked or didn’t like.  You’d be surprised how much you can learn from movies.  There are just so many good and bad ones out there that having some system for keeping track of them will be time well spent.

[notafrogblog]

Who wants to read an entire fucking essay I’ve been writing over the last few months it’s about viddy games wooooooo

Video Games's Popularity

16% of entertainment hours in 2018 were spent playing video games, according to a study by The NPD Group, an American market research company (Stych). Video games have become more and more popular as they have become easier and easier to access through consoles, computers, tablets, and phones. Video games and gaming have become some of the most popular topics to watch on youtube, twitch, and other platforms, which is shown by the fact that youtube has a trending section just for video game content. I myself watch video game content whenever I get the chance. Merriam Webster defines video games as "an electronic game in which players control images on a video screen." If you use that definition for video games, it means gaming is a lot more widespread and prevalent than you'd first think. It would be a struggle to find anyone below the age of twenty who's never played a video game in some form. There are thousands of people in online communities who discuss video games and the people who play them, on sites like Reddit, Twitch, YouTube, Tumblr, Instagram, and more. Video game music, posters, clothing, and general merchandise is popular and lucrative for the companies that make and sell the products. People continue to invest their time, money, and energy into playing and enjoying video games. Video games are such a big part of the online community and my life that I decided to take this opportunity to learn more about them.

While researching this paper, I found different types of sources than I was expecting. Many articles on video games are outdated, poorly written, or simply didn't contain much information. Most possible sources were game reviews, tabloid-esque gossip, or talked about events occurring recently in the gaming community. These weren't very helpful for the type of topics I wanted to discuss. When I set out to write this, I expected to find more analyses of video games or game genres as a whole, or perhaps more in-depth writing. Although I did find articles that were in-depth, they were often very niche, scholarly, or outdated. Video games as a culture moves indescribably quickly, with new games always being released. The vast amount of content and places to share said content on the internet makes video games so widespread, it's near impossible to categorize and talk about video games a whole, rather than individual games or franchises. I suppose that's why there are so many game reviews. People are always looking for new games to play, new content to view. I did my best to find articles and sources I could use to talk about video games a whole, as a culture, and as a complex and nuanced form of entertainment. Part of my own interest in video games is due to the large variety of games and game content available. I would consider myself fairly knowledgeable about video games, especially after researching this essay. But I don't know much about games as a whole, or why people play them. As much as I love to talk about and watch video games, I don't play them often myself. I wanted to know what made other people love playing video games so much. Both my brothers are very engrossed in their respective games and consoles, and I found myself wondering what compels them to put their time and energy into something that doesn't give me that same satisfaction. Which begs the question, why do people play video games? What keeps them coming back? What makes video games so enjoyable?

I started by looking in the school databases, and on credible sites like the Washington Post and the New York Times. Video games is such a broad topic, but many articles focused on specific games or events. While I researched, I wondered what is so compelling about video games. I had some hypotheses. Video games often have a plot, a list of tasks to complete, or some sort of storyline. I found an article about the stories and plotlines of first-person shooter games, one of the most popular genres of games. In the article, David M. Leeson explains what differs between a multiplayer and a single-player shooter: "Most multiplayer shooters are gameplay-driven: play sessions consist of one or more matches, in which players compete with each other (either individually or as teams) to win the game, either by scoring points or capturing objectives. Most single-player shooters, by contrast, are story-driven: play sessions consist of one or more levels, in which the player is told the story so far and then must overcome a series of obstacles to find out what happens next." Already this provides some insight into what compels people to play video games. Multiplayer shooters, such as Fortnite, some Call of Duty games, Battlefield games, and Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, depend on other players to keep you interested. Winning a match is the main objective. In single-player games, the goal isn't to win a round, it's to complete the story. In a way, this makes a single-player shooter similar to a book or a movie. The difference between them is that the player takes an active part in moving the plotline forward, which keeps the player interested and motivated to find out what happens next.

A storyline isn't the only thing that can be necessary to keep a player motivated. The gameplay plays a big role in keeping the player interested in continuing the game. Games have two main parts, speed and strategy. Speed-based games rely on fast reflexes, immediate feedback, and quick thinking to be enjoyable. Games like these require you to be in the moment the whole time, ready to react to whatever is thrown at you. Games that are more speed-based include titles such as Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, and endless runner games such as Temple Run or Subway Surfers. Despite being very different games in style, aesthetic, plot, and goals, these all rely on speed as a main mechanic. Another aspect of games is strategy. Strategy-based games take a slower route, and are more based on planning and thinking before you act. Strategy games often have some sort of back-and-forth mechanic between the player and some sort of other entity, usually a non-player character (npc) or the game itself. This includes games such as battling games such as Pokemon, storyline games like Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing, and many mobile games. Strategy games require the player to think about what they want to do before they do it, and often have multiple storylines or options for how to play the game or what to do when. All games have elements of both strategy and speed, but usually one takes precedence over the other. Each category of game has its pros and cons and its own problems.

There are a few problems with speed-based games that the developers must remedy for the game to be enjoyable. Firstly, games with speed-based mechanics are often very easy to pick up and learn. Many Super Smash Bros. players will mash buttons or spam attacks rather than use combination attacks or the full variety of moves available. Speed-based games must introduce a learning curve for players to learn new skills, become better at the skills they already have, and some sort of challenge that requires those skills to be used. Another problem with speed-based games is the lack of variety. One character with only one set of moves can quickly become boring to play. Most games don't have this problem, with many games having multiple characters. Breath of the Wild, however, only has one playable character, Link. Nintendo keeps BotW from becoming boring by having Link have many weapons and clothing to collect and choose from to use, food items to temporarily boost stats, and a way to upgrade Link's health points as the game grows more difficult. Many endless runner games (i.e. Subway Surfers or Temple Run) lack this attribute, which causes players to become bored of them after playing for a while. While they may include customizable or lots of character choices, the changes are purely cosmetic and don't impact the gameplay.

Strategy games have issues as well, most notably those to do with speed. Strategy games often have a slower pace, and making the pace too slow can cause players to become bored. This was an issue with the role-playing game Final Fantasy VII, a 1997 turn-based rpg by Square Enix. Final Fantasy VII is set to have a remake by Square Enix, the first part of which was released on April 10, 2020. An article I discovered addressed some flaws in the original game as well as what the remake should have to make the game better. The article reads: "Modern releases of Final Fantasy VII include an option to speed up combat by a factor of three, and after turning it on, you quickly learn that you almost never need to turn it off to more carefully manage the flow of battle, such is the monotony of just attacking and healing over and over. This speed boost is greeted by latter-day players as a crucial "quality of life" improvement. It doesn't matter how many oakleaves you've acquired in 22 years; when letting the player essentially skip the gameplay is treated as a godsend, you don't have a very good game." (Vogt) As said in the quote, the ability to speed up gameplay shouldn't be necessary. The gameplay is also described as monotonous. Games must be interesting to keep players motivated to continue playing. Keeping players interested in the game is a big part of video game making.

Game designers and developers must put player enjoyment first when making a game. Even if the ultimate goal is to make money or gain popularity in the community, player enjoyment is what leads to a game's success. If a player isn't having fun playing a game, they won't recommend it to others, or join an online community about it, or even continue playing it. For this reason, I decided to find information about the process of game design and development, where ideas came from, and how enjoyment of the game came into the mix. I found an academic study of a game jam in 2013. A game jam is an event where multiple groups of game makers come together to make games in an allotted time using a given prompt. The study discusses multiple aspects of the game jam, including initial ideas, prototyping, and game development and testing, the latter of which is shown in the quote here: "Participants [in the game jam] removed systems within the game (e.g. attacks requiring combinations of buttons rather than single buttons) or reduced the total number of components used (e.g. fewer game levels or types of enemies). Swapping mechanics occurred when already implemented systems were buggy or dysfunctional or when playtesting (personally or with others) showed them to be overly complex or unintuitive." (Zook) This quote shows how game developers must think about how the players will interact with mechanics, especially mechanics they aren't used to. Mechanics are how you do things in the game, whether it be with certain buttons, an item, movement, interaction with the environment, or a combination of these. Mechanics must be easy to pick up on and learn for beginning players, but difficult to master so as to keep players entertained. The quote shows how initially complex mechanisms such as button combinations or buggy systems can be unintuitive for the players, and therefore need to be fixed. If a player has difficulties with the game's function, it won't be fun to play. Games must be fun if they want to keep players interested.

For this paper, I interviewed one of my friend's younger brothers, an avid player of video games. Ian plays video games for a few hours every day, he says, on xbox, nintendo switch, and mobile devices. In the interview, he says that what he thinks makes video games enjoyable is having fun. Although he plays video games more suited to younger users, there were a few things he had to say about games he disliked. The main things he didn't like about games were the difficulty (too hard, too easy) bad graphics, or he "wasn't as interested as he thought he was." His viewpoint as someone who plays a lot of video games is very useful for the question I'm asking. Difficulty of games is something that is hard to balance for game developers. As discussed earlier, the mechanics must be intuitive so the player can pick up on them easily. However, if the entire game is easy, the player will get bored, just like Ian did.

"What makes video games enjoyable?" is the question I've tried to answer. So, what does make video games enjoyable? I'd say it's a variety of things. Video games are so complex, and what makes them entertaining is even more complex. There's such a huge variety of video games available to play, on dozens of platforms and consoles, and in many different ways. Expecting to find just one answer for such a broad question would be unjustifiable. So, I've determined a couple things that make video games enjoyable. As Ian said, games should be fun. Fun means different things to each person, so different games will be better for different people. Different difficulties and styles of games will be different for different people. A more casual game style, like mobile games or kid's games, might be more enjoyable for a gamer like Ian. However, strategy based games such as Pokemon, Assassin's Creed, or shooting games such as CS:GO might be more suited to older players. In short, what makes video games enjoyable is the variety of games there are to play. Games are for everyone, and each type of video game has people who enjoy it, and people who don't. There is no one clear answer to this question. Unfortunately, this means that if I want to be more involved in playing video games, I'm going to have to try some games and find out what I like. If you're interested in video games, I suggest you do the same.

Works Cited

Jabr, Ferris. “Can You Really Be Addicted to Video Games?” New York Times, 22 October 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/22/magazine/can-you-really-be-addicted-to-video-games.html. Accessed 2 November 2020.

Leeson, David M. "Northrop Frye and the story structure of the single-player shooter." English Studies in Canada, vol. 37, no. 2, 2011, p. 137+. Gale In Context: High School, https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A294194389/SUIC?u=midd34407&sid=SUIC&xid=e5b85bc6. Accessed 18 Oct. 2020.

Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/video%20game. Accessed 5 November 2020.

S., Ian. Personal interview. December 2020.

Stych, Anne. “Americans' favorite forms of entertainment are digital.” bizjournals, 28 March 2019, https://www.bizjournals.com/bizwomen/news/latest-news/2019/03/americans-favorite-forms-of-entertainment-are.html?page=all#:~:text=The%20shift%20to%20digital%20is,research%20by%20The%20NPD%20Group. Accessed 2 November 2020.

Vogt, Ryan. "For all its greatness, Final Fantasy VII wasn't a good game. Let's remember why." Washingtonpost.com, 7 Apr. 2020. Gale In Context: High School, https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A619723232/SUIC?u=midd34407&sid=SUIC&xid=0b17c660. Accessed 11 Oct. 2020.

Zook, Alexander and Mark O. Riedl. "Game Conceptualization and Development Processes in the Global Game Jam." School of Interactive Computing, College of Computing, Georgia Institute of Technology, http://www.fdg2013.org/program/workshops/papers/GGJ2013/ggj13_submission_4.pdf. Accessed 11 Oct. 2020.

[tlbodine]

The History & Evolution of Home Invasion Horror

Here’s my prediction: In the next couple of years, we’re going to be seeing a sudden surge of home invasion movies hit the market. For many of us, 2020 has been a year of extreme stress compounded by social isolation; venturing outside means being exposed to a deadly plague, after all. 

And while many people have already predicted that we’ll see an influx of pandemic and virus horrors (see my post on those: https://ko-fi.com/post/Pandemic-and-Pandemonium-Sickness-in-Horror-T6T21I201), I actually think a lot of us are going to be processing a different type of fear -- anxiety about what happens when your home, which is supposed to be a literal safe space, gets invaded. Because if you’re not safe in your own house...you’re not safe anywhere. 

Home invasion movies have been around a long time -- arguably as long as film, with 1909′s The Lonely Villa setting down the formula -- and they share many of the same roots as slasher films in the 1970s. But somewhere along the way, they separated off and became their own distinct subgenre with specific tropes, and it’s that separation and the stories that followed it that I want to focus on. 

The Origins of the Home Invasion Movie 

In order to really qualify as a home invasion movie, a film has to meet a few requirements:

The action must be contained entirely (or almost entirely) to a single location, usually a private residence (ie, the home) 

The perpetrator(s) must be humans, not supernatural entities (no ghosts, zombies, or vampires -- that’s a different set of tropes!) 

In most cases, the horror builds during a long siege between the invader and the home-dweller, including scenes of torture, capture, escape, traps, and so forth. 

To an extent, home invasion movies are truth in television. Although home invasions are relatively rare, and most break-ins occur when a family is away (the usual goal being to steal things, not torture and kill people), criminals do sometimes break into people’s homes, and homeowners are sometimes killed by them. 

In the 1960s and 70s, this certainly would have been at the forefront of people’s minds. Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood detailed one such crime in lavish detail, and the account was soon turned into a film. Serial killers like the Boston Strangler, BTK Killer and the “Vampire of Sacramento” Richard Chase also made headlines for their murders, which often occurred inside the victim’s home. (Chase, famously, considered unlocked doors to be an invitation, which is one great reason to lock your doors). 

By the 1960s and 70s, too, people were more and more often beginning to live in cities and larger neighborhoods where they did not know their neighbors. Anxieties about being surrounded by strangers (and, let’s face it, racial anxieties rooted in newly-mixed, de-segregated neighborhoods) undoubtedly fueled fears about home invasion. 

Early Roots of the Home Invasion Genre

Home invasion plays a part in several crime thrillers and horror films in the 1950s and 60s, including Alfred Hitchcock’s Dial M for Murder in 1954, but it’s more of a plot point than a genre. In these films, home invasion is a means to an end rather than a goal unto itself. 

We see some early hints of the home invasion formula show up in Wes Craven’s Last House on the Left in 1972. The film depicts a group of murderous thugs who, after torturing and killing two girls, seek refuge in the victim’s home and plot the deaths of the rest of the family. In 1974, the formula is refined with Bob Clark’s Black Christmas, which shows the one-by-one murder of members of a sorority house and chilling phone calls that come from inside the home. 

Even closer still is I Spit on Your Grave, directed by Meir Zarchi in 1978. Although it’s generally (and rightly) classified as a rape-revenge film, the first half of the movie -- where an author goes to a remote cabin and is targeted and brutally assaulted by a group of men -- hits all the same story beats as the modern home invasion story: isolation, mundane evil, acts of random violence, and protracted torture. 

Slumber Party Massacre, directed by Amy Holden Jones in 1982, also hits on both home invasion and slasher tropes. Although it is primarily a straightforward slasher featuring an escaped killer systematically killing teenagers (with a decidedly phallic weapon), the film also shows its victims teaming up and fighting back -- weaponizing their home against the killer. This becomes an important part of the genre in later years! 

In 1997, Funny Games, directed by Michael Haneke, provides a brutal but self-aware look at the genre. Created primarily as a condemnation of violent media, the film nevertheless succeeds as an unironic addition to the home invasion canon -- from its vulnerable, suffering family to the excruciating tension of its plot to the nihilistic, motive-free criminality of its villains, it may actually be the purest example of the home invasion movie. 

Home Invasions Gone Wrong 

Where things start to get interesting for the home invasion genre is 1991′s The People Under the Stairs, another Wes Craven film. Here the script is flipped: The hero is the would-be robber, breaking and entering into the home of some greedy rich landlords. But this plan swiftly goes sideways when the homeowners turn out to be even worse people than they’d first let on. 

This is, as far as I can tell, the origin of the home-invasion-gone-wrong subgenre, which has gained immense popularity recently -- due, perhaps, to a growing awareness of systemic issues, a differing view of poverty, and a viewership sympathetic to the plight of down-on-their-luck criminals discovering that rich homeowners are, indeed, very bad people. 

Home Invasion Film Explosion of the 2000s 

The home invasion genre really hit the ground running in the 2000s, due perhaps to post-911 anxieties about being attacked on our home turf (and increasing economic uneasiness in a recession-afflicted economy and a growing awareness of the Occupy movement and wealth inequality). We see a whole slew of these films crop up, each bringing a slightly different twist to the formula.

*  It’s also worth noting that the 2000s saw remakes of many well-known films in the genre, including Funny Games and Last House on the Left.  

In 2008, Bryan Bertino directed The Strangers, a straightforward home invasion involving one traumatized couple and three masked villains. By this point, we’re wholly removed from the early crime movie roots; these are not people breaking in for financial gain. Like the killers in Funny Games, the masked strangers lack motive and even identity; they are simply a force of evil, chaotic and senseless. 

The themes of “violence as a senseless, awful thing” are driven further home by Martyrs, another 2008 release, this one from French director Pascal Laugier. A revenge story turned into a home-invasion-gone-wrong, the film is noteworthy for its brutality and blunt nihilism. 

2009′s The Collector, directed by Marcus Dunstan, is another home-invasion-gone-wrong movie. Like Martyrs, it dovetails with the torture porn genre (another popular staple of the 2000s), but it has a lot more fun with it. The film follows a down-on-his-luck thief who breaks into a house only to encounter another home invader set on murdering the family that lives there. The cat-and-mouse games between the two -- which involve numerous traps and convoluted schemes -- are fun to watch (if you like blood and guts). 

In a similar vein, we see You’re Next in 2013, which starts off as a standard home invasion movie but takes a sharp twist when it’s revealed that one of the victims isn’t nearly as helpless as she appears. Director Adam Wingard helps to redefine the concept of “final girl” in this move in a way that has carried forward right into the next decade with no sign of stopping. 

2013 of course also introduced us to The Purge, a horror franchise created by James DeMonaco. If there was ever any doubt as to the economic anxieties at the root of the genre, they should be alleviated now -- The Purge is such a well-known franchise at this point that the term has entered our pop culture lexicon as a shorthand for revolution. 

Don’t Breathe, directed be Fede Alvarez in 2016, is one of the creepiest modern entries into the “failed home invasion” category, and one that (ha ha) breathed some new life into the genre. Much like The People Under the Stairs, it tells the story of some down-on-their-luck criminals getting in over their heads when they target the wrong man. However, there is not the same overt criticism of wealth inequality in this film; it’s a movie more interested in examining and inverting genre tropes than treading new thematic ground. The same is true of Hush that same year. Directed by Mike Flanagan, the film is most noteworthy for its deaf protagonist. 

But lest you start to think the home invasion genre had lost its thematic relevance, 2019 arrived with two hard-hitting, thoughtful films that dip their toes in these tropes: Jordan Peele’s Us and Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite, which both tackle themes of privilege in light of home invasion (albeit a nontraditional structure in Parasite -- its inclusion here is admittedly a bit of a stretch, but I think it falls so closely in the tradition of The People Under the Stairs that it deserves a spot on this list). 

What Does the Future Hold? 

I’m no oracle, so I can’t say for certain where the future of the home invasion genre might lead. But I do think we’re going to start seeing more of them in the next few years as a bunch of creative folks start working through our collective trauma. 

Income inequality, racial inequality, political unrest and systemic issues are all at the forefront of our minds (not to mention a deadly virus), and those themes are ripe for the picking in horror. 

I know that Paul Tremblay’s novel The Cabin at the End of the World has been optioned for film, so we might be seeing that soon -- and if so, it might just usher in a fresh wave of apocalypse-flavored home invasion stories. 

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[guerilla935]

Modern Role Playing Games For People That Want To Get Into RPG‘s

You may have heard of a little game that’s come out recently called Final Fantasy VII Remake. There has been a lot of talk about this game having inspired a lot of people to play a game that they skipped back in the day or inspired them to pick up another RPG because they were so engaged in it. Final Fantasy VII Remake isn’t going to make it into this article because I haven’t had a chance to play it yet. But if you’ve always been curious about the RPG genre or maybe you have just finished Final Fantasy VII Remake and are hungry for more, I have a pretty good selection of RPG’s that could offer you the chance to get into a genre of games that maybe you hadn’t considered before. The games on the list are primarily “modern” and what I mean by that is the games will not be SNES era games but rather games that are probably more accessible and easier on the eyes. The games are (as always) limited to what I have had the chance to play. And the games that have been selected were chosen based on the following criteria: low complexity of combat, world building, leveling curve (lack of grinding), and visual appeal. Some of you may want to dive straight into the deep end and download some anime RPG on Steam or find a copy of Chrono Trigger or some certain PS1/NES era RPG and if you can do that then you are an absolute trooper but this post will focus on newer titles rather than the classics. Also if you want me to spotlight a game that you want to recommend put it in the notes because I love getting suggested games! And if you have any questions my messages are always open and I have all the free time to answer them. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way here are games that I recommend as good starting places if you want to get into RPG’s.

Kingdom Hearts

(PS2/PS3/PS4/XBOne)

Kingdom Hearts is a cross over series that blended the worlds of Final Fantasy with Disney. What makes this game attractive to new players is the Disney half and what hooks them in is the Final Fantasy half. The game is easy to pick up and keeps you consistently engaged in enough story and new locations to keep you wanting more after the credits role. The combat is easy, only requiring a few buttons and allows the player to advance effortlessly without having to worry about their gear or level. The platforming sections help form a cohesive world that is small enough to allow its player to mentally map the whole game easily. The game still tosses around complex themes and sullen moments so it is still very viable to play for adults even though it may take you a good while to start seeing the fruits of that. This is an easy pickup for anyone that is thinking that just maybe they want to try a role playing game that tells a large story in a manageable amount of time that doesn’t require a huge amount of your brain power to get through.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

(PC/PS4/PS3/XB360/XBOne/Switch/PSVR)

Skyrim is an open ended role playing game where you create a character and exist in a fantasy world full of dragons and wizards. It’s exactly what most people associate with when they think about fantasy and most of the time it is where people go when they want that sort of experience. If you are trying to play an RPG that tells bite sized stories but includes enough world building to have you reading Skyrim history books until 4 in the morning then perhaps Skyrim is a good game to try. The controls are similar to any other first person game so if you are not familiar with that then there is a learning curve attached to it, other than that there is a wide range of difficulties that allow just about anyone to be able to play through the game. The snowy vistas make this game a beautiful option and the way that the scope of the world reaches miles in front of you gives a really liberating sense of freedom. Skyrim has the potential to become a hardcore obsession but also allows a lighter and more casual experience for people who just want to see main stories.

Ni No Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom

(PS4/PC)

Ni No Kuni II is a fun game that applies big ideas into digestible pieces. The combat is very simple to learn and fun to exploit. The game adds a strategy mode where you command troops that isn’t awesome but also introduces a town building mechanic that is easy to understand and gives you a visual sense of progression. The story is awesome and keeps the world of Ni No Kuni grounded into its fantastical fantasy setting that borrows a lot from everyday life. The game borrows from the art of Studio Ghibli and is heavily inspired by movies like Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro. If any of that sounds like it is interesting to you then this is easily a fun opportunity to bring a unique RPG into your gaming library.

Pokemon Sword and Shield

(Switch)

I’m willing to admit two things. The first being that I truly believe that Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum were the best Pokemon games and that normally I would recommend that someone just play that game instead. However, the second is that Pokemon Sword and Shield are the definitive versions of Pokemon that rid the game of the dated mechanics of previous titles. Pokemon is the monster taming game, the game is a celebration of being able to constantly change who you are playing as and it feels endlessly personal. Pokemon is a great intro to turn based combat that does a great job teaching things like elemental weaknesses and speed stats. This is definitely the easiest, most customizable, and cute, way to enter the RPG genre.

Persona 5 Royal

(PS4)

Persona 5 Royal is the definitive version of Persona 5 which is the latest installment in the Shin Megami Tensei spinoff series called Persona. The game is about balancing daily high school life with traveling into another dimension to fight shadows. The game has a lot of things in it, a day to day manager, a dating sim, turn based RPG, fishing, darts, batting cage, etc. Persona 5 also drips with style, from the amazing art to the fantastic soundtrack. The combat takes some learning but if you set the difficulty all the way down it becomes an accessible experience at no cost to the gripping story. You are guaranteed to fall in love with this game if you end up playing it and it’s bound to create an obsession that has you playing Persona 4 as well as Persona 3. This is an intimidating game to start but with the difficulty set low you really can’t mess up the other portions of the game so there is always a good way to make sure you can experience one of the best games on the PS4.

Dragon Quest XI: Echoes Of An Elusive Age

(Switch/PS4/3DS/PC)

Dragon Quest XI is the funniest game on this list. The writing also ironically follows plot lines from other media like Marvel Cinematic Universe or Dragon Ball. You’ll also notice that the game looks a lot like Dragon Ball so if you ever wanted a Dragon Ball fantasy RPG then you might be in luck. The story is driven home by its amazing cast and continues to supply the player with things to do way after the credits have rolled. The turn based combat is very traditional so maybe try this game if you don’t mind learning an older style of game play presented in a fun and easy to understand setting. Dragon Quest XI is guaranteed to hook you in with its likeable characters and grand story telling, if you are at all attracted by the promises of dumb humor, excellent writing, and incomparable character development you should plan on purchasing this game.

Final Fantasy XIV Online: A Realm Reborn

(PS4/PC)

An MMO is an RPG too. And as I’m writing this the current best place to live a virtual life is in Final Fantasy XIV. As someone who has tried almost every free to play MMO on the market I can say with absolute certainty that you get what you pay for and the subscription to FFXIV is worth every cent if you want to get into an MMO. The game is large and intimidating and complex, however, the game is also home to one of the friendliest communities I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing with and they make the game as special as it is. This is why people that don’t even like video games are drawn to FFXIV because it is an amazing social experience that also happens to be an amazing MMO experience. The story is the best in terms of MMO story lines and the combat is vast boasting 18 completely unique combat classes. I can’t recommend this game enough and if you have ever considered an MMO then I can guarantee you that this is the one that you want to be playing.

Fantasy Life

(3DS)

Fantasy Life is a game about grinding professions. It looks like Animal Crossing and kind of plays like Animal Crossing would if you could also slay beasts and smith armor in that game. If you are familiar with Life Sim games then this is just the fantasy RPG version of that. The game gives you a job and makes it insanely fun to do that job with fun mini games and a rewarding economy system. This is the “relaxing” game on the list so if you like games like Animal Crossing and Harvest Moon and you may want to try more combat heavy games then this is a great Segway into that genre of game.

Diablo III

(PC/Mac/PS3/PS4/XB360/XBOne/Switch)

Diablo III is probably the most famous ARPG which just means that you are looking down from an isometric point of view and are typically facing hordes of monsters to achieve hordes of loot. I would say that Path of Exile might be catching up fast to Diablo but if you want to ease into an ARPG then Diablo III is much more forgiving. The game is instantly rewarding and gives you a lot of customization with your skills and appearance. This game tells an epic story but has too much game in between story beats to make it worth playing for. Although I would recommend this game to a new player that only wants to play an RPG for its gear management and game play versatility without having to sit through endless cut scenes.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

(Switch)

In Fire Emblem: Three Houses you play as the combat teacher of one of three groups of kids. You decide what they learn and how well they get at it. The game is a strategy RPG so you are using your brain a bit more to assess situations than the other games on this list. However, Fire Emblem streamlines the system into something easy to understand that is accessible to most new players. While I don’t recommend this game to every new RPG player I’d say that if you really want a game that makes you think rather than hit buttons randomly than you might enjoy the deeper engagement that this game offers. Note that the Fire Emblem series is known for using a very evil emotional weapon called “party member perma-death” which you can absolutely turn off if you would like a less stressful experience. Or live for the thrill, I won’t tell you what to do.

Final Fantasy XV

(PS4/XBOne/PC)

Final Fantasy XV isn’t a normal Final Fantasy game. It is a road trip that you can’t truly appreciate unless you get distracted. Over the years RPG’s have been known for putting a large amount of side activities in their games, Final Fantasy XV takes its story and encases it in casual game play that involves long drive and lots of fishing and camping. This game is not for everyone but its more casual approach will appeal to a newer audience than a hardened veteran of the Final Fantasy series. People looking for their first RPG won’t be totally swayed by the story here but they will have seen that the journey can be fun if you let it.

So You Wanna Start An RPG

Take it from someone who has played the opening hours of a lot of games and then quit that sometimes you just can’t get yourself to like a game. You owe it to yourself to find in entertainment something that you like. I consider myself more of a casual RPG player, I’ve never beaten any of the classics and I can hardly finish a lot of the RPG’s that I own now. But I think that fickleness makes me a good source to recommend a good RPG for people that may not have the patience to play through a Final Fantasy IV or a Golden Sun. Also remember not to rule out experiences just because people say that they are “bad” because opinions are subjective to you personally. RPG’s have the power to tell moving and important stories, and as a player of them I hope I’ve given anyone reading this some incentive to experience a larger than life story.

[purplesurveys]

962

Do you have a pair of Beat headphones? I used to have a pair. I mean it’s still around in my closet, but it’s completely broken now with the cable all given out and the cushion for the left ear has been missing for a while. I just don’t have the heart to throw it out because it was my absolute favorite pair of headphones that gave me good memories during a particularly shitty time in high school.

How was your week? A little better. I’ve gotten into the groove at work so I’m no longer shy when it comes to asking questions and giving inputs, and I’ve gained a better grasp of the workplace’s dynamic so it’s also been easier to communicate with people. Heavy life stuff is still around and it won’t be leaving for a while, but they were easier to ignore this week.

Are any of your electronics not working properly at the moment? Not really, but my phone’s charger cable recently stopped working. I have a backup that I’m using at the moment and while it’s able to charge my phone, it’s starting to fray and I’m not feeling too good about the wires that I’m starting to see hahaha. I just don’t know how to take care of my cables, guys. Anyway, this question made me paranoid so I took a few minutes to wrap a shit ton of electrical tape on the frayed area so I think it’s all good for now.

Are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day? I like thinking about my wedding but I truthfully dread the wedding gown part. I’ve never been able to decide what look and style suits me best and I’ve just never been good at determining things like that. I like to imagine that I’d leave that bit to whoever my maid of honor will be, because I’d definitely prize a second opinion more than my own.

When was the last time you felt relieved? Yesterday, 6 PM when I exited the last Google Meet for the day. It was a Friday night and it meant my work week was over :)) I mean I love what I do, but Friday nights will always hit differently.

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? I wouldn’t say it bothers me but covers are definitely a hit or miss for me, with way more misses than hits. Nothing wrong with acts putting their own spin on an already existing song, but I’m personally the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” type when it comes to music.

What brand of chapstick do you use? I don’t use any mainly because I’m bound to lose them within a week. Same goes for other care products.

Do you really think someone could be perfect? No. Everyone has their flaws and that should be okay to acknowledge.

When was the last time you cried? Wednesday, I think. It’s been three days! I’d count that as an achievement. But idk, my sadness comes in waves so I shouldn’t be celebrating too early. I’m sure I’ll feel a pang soon and be crying again over the weekend.

What’s a food that you like every once in awhile but not often? Cake. Too sweet and rich; I wouldn’t enjoy eating it every day. What letter is the song you’re listening to under? Not listening to music, but I have a YouTube video on.

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s would be the lesser evil, I guess. I would NOT want to live through Martial Law in the 70s...I originally wasn’t even going to go with 60s because I think the world was a bit chaotic at the time, but I think my country was mostly unaffected by the political/cultural things happening then so it’s whatever.

Are you the type of person that enjoys getting hugs? I don’t actively seek them out but it feels nice when someone likes me enough to extend their arms out to me for a hug. I haven’t been hugged for a while and I feel kinda empty.

Do your socks say anything on them? I think some of my socks have the brand name on them but that’s it.

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. AMC.

Have you found out who your true friends are? For now, yes.

Gray or Grey? I use both spellings for no particular context. I simply like changing it up lol.

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? LOL of course not. And I’m very picky when it comes to concerts that I choose to attend anyway, so I doubt I would’ve bought any tickets in the last six months even without Covid unless it was for Paramore or Beyoncé.

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? Nope, but everyone was hyping that movie up when it came out. It never really looked like my thing < Yeah pretty much. I feel like it’s such a teenage-y movie so I was never drawn to it. I also think it would be too triggering for my depression, so I’ve felt wary about checking both book and movie out.

Is there something you’d fall apart if you didn’t have? One of my biggest fears is to end up alone, so I always have to have some form of a support system to fall back into. I would be very lost if I didn’t have at least one person to rely on.

How many weddings have you been to? I can think of four off the top of my head. I was either a flower girl or a junior bridesmaid for all of those.

When you smile, are you confident? Most times I am; I like to smile. But sometimes I smile just to fake it and avoid any questions.

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? Yesss, all the time. I’ve always been all about following the rules and I’ve never seen the appeal in breaking them. That makes me sound boring but at least I’ve never gotten in serious trouble lol.

Was the weather beautiful today? For me it is, but only because I like the rain and cloudy weather. Others might find it bleak and sad, but I feel right at home.

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? Yeah, all year long.

Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? If I had my dream modern/brutalist home, grey would be soooo fucking perfect for the bedroom. 

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? I’m open to it, but I don’t think it’ll be a good match for my black hair as both are darker shades as it is. If I could dye my hair I’d pick lighter colors like green or even go all the way to blonde.

Have you ever gone to a private school? Yeah, from kindergarten all the way to high school. Private schools here typically give a better quality of education and they don’t give off the for-lazy-spoiled-kids vibe that I always hear from private schools in other countries, which makes them the norm for middle and upper-middle class families.

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I have other favorite animated movies, but that doesn’t stop me from loving Finding Nemo. :) I would always tune in for the whole thing if it were on.

Does/Did your school have a uniform? I had to wear one in my first school, but I didn’t need one for college.

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? No TV where I am. I think my parents are watching a movie on their TV, but it’s on Netflix rather than a channel.

Does your house have security cameras? It does not.

Does a popsicle sound good right now? Eh, I guess it sounds fine but I’d rather have a pint of ice cream. I think that fits better with the weather and the mood that I’m in today.

What’s your favorite exercise workout? My weight training class last year was a lot of fun. I always felt dead after every session haha but I definitely felt healthier. I wish the semester had gone on longer just for that one class.

What’s your favorite thing to do? Lol I love doing many different things < Same lmao this question is so vague??? My favorite thing to do these days is binge-watch Rhett and Link content, but I like doing so many other things too.

What did you do for your 17th birthday? I was with Gabie that day and we went to a local art museum, as well as to a restaurant that she had wanted to take me to.

Does your local Walmart have benches in them to rest? We don’t have Walmarts.

Was your favorite stuffed animal really a teddy bear growing up? I never had stuffed animals. Well I was given a few of them as gifts, but I was never into them and they always ended up being owned by my sister.

If your house was haunted, what would you do? Not even think about it. Just show them that I couldn’t care less, lol.

Are you good at swimming? I can do a few strokes and am pretty good at treading, but I'm prone to panic-kicking when I can tell that the water is too deep.

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? Slow internet is such a pain in the ass. Shouldn’t even have to be an issue in 2020 anymore.

What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? Cat-called, whistled at, winked at, lunged at. One good thing about this lockdown is that I haven’t had to deal with men as much as I used to. Do you sleep with the sheets tucked in or out? Well I only have one layer of bedsheet and it’s the one that covers up the mattress, so it’s tucked in by default. I have a blanket to cover me up when I’m cold.

What do you do to fall asleep faster? I find a few videos to watch as that tends to make me feel sleepy the quickest.

Do you carry a bottle of water wherever you go? I used to have a tumbler/water bottle in college but I forgot it at the gym one day and when I came back for it, somebody already stole it :( It was such a handy water bottle because it kept my water cold all day, so it sucks that I lost it. I’m planning to buy the same model again soon.

Are you afraid that one day you might get cancer? It doesn’t really run in my family save for one grand-aunt who had cancer, so I’m not too worried. But I’ve accepted the fact that it is at least a possibility.

Are you a fast or slow walker? I like being in the middle. Slow walkers are annoying so I try not to be one, and walking fast just reminds me of my mom and how quickly she walks at malls when she’s supposed to be spending time with her family lol.

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? No. They all fit me just fine.

Does it bother you when people’s underwear hangs out? Eghhh, it really does. I know it shouldn’t but it really does. I just feel like it’s so invasive and it gives me a lot of secondhand embarassment.

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? Not really. I like staying safe with my hair. The most daring thing I’ve done with it is get bangs tbh, and I don’t plan on going any further than that.

When’s your birthday? April 21st.

What age do you look forward to reaching? I don’t feel that way about any age. Whenever I reach ultimate satisfaction and security will be a good enough age for me.

Name a state that begins with the letter M. Minnesota.

What’s the first thing you do after a car accident? Think about how to tell my parents. D:

What do you use to get rid of bad breath? Brush my teeth, drink water.

What exercise do you hate the most? Pull-ups.

What do you do at a party? Drink, socialize, tell stories, eat allllllll the food ha.

[kyufiber-moved]

got any bl show suggestions?

abso-fucking-lutely i do !! i typed out this WHOLE thing then my computer crashed so this is my second time answering this ripskfjd

also i went in depth about everything so it got long, and imma put a keep reading!! here are some bl show recs:

love by chance ::

summary: pete is a popular and wealthy student who is very shy, which is caused by the fact that he is secretly gay. he meets ae, a fellow student and they quickly become friends. pete starts to have feelings for ae, but doesn’t want him to experience ridicule for being with a man, so he attempts to repress his feelings

my thoughts: this show is amazing tbh. one of my alltime favorite dramas ever ngl. it has 5 couples that are shown on screen (with small cameos from / mentions of tharntype), all of which are cute (except klano. we dont talk abt klano.) 

ending: mixed, depending on the couple. the main couple (aepete) has a happy ending, but three of the side couples have open endings, one of which is super angsty

sequel(s): there’s a second season coming out in february, in which the side couple that got the angsty ending (tincan) will be the main couple!!

where to watch: youtube

history 2: border crossing ::

summary: yuhao is rebellious and has a short temper. when he is approached by the captain and manager of the school’s volleyball team, he isn’t interested, but eventually ends up joining. he then develops a very close bond with the team manager, zixuan, which turns into something more than friendship

my thoughts: very very cute !!!!! i loved it so much omf. also the side couple is step brothers and although they don’t get much screen time, they’re still cute. also the kisses b/w yuhao and zixuan (despite 1 of the only 2 being in a dream) are F A N T A S T I C

ending: happy!!

sequel(s): there’s a 2nd season coming out sometime in 2020, but idk when. also it’s apart of a series called HIStory which has several different storylines, all of which being bl. they are not related to each other in terms of characters or anything, though, so don’t expect to see familiar characters ^^

where to watch: youtube

sotus: the series ::

summary: kongpob is a 1st year engineering student who stands up against head hazer and 3rd year arthit, who the first years feel is cruel / overly strict. the two start out as enemies, become friends, and eventually develop feelings for each other

my thoughts: no sexual stuff like many other bls, instead focuses on the romance part of it, the evolving relationship/friendship between kongarthit, the internal struggle of figuring out one’s sexuality, and the bond formed between students/friends/classmates. honestly?? storyline is gotdamn beautiful and i cried more than once just bc i was so overcome

ending: happy :)) (for all seasons and special eps)

sequel(s): there is a 2nd season titled sotus s: the series which takes place 2-3 years after the 1st season, where kongpob has become head hazer and arthit is now out of college and in the working world. kongarthit is also featured in the multi-bl special sequel titled “our skyy” which has special episodes set after the main official dramas surrounding various bl couples !

where to watch: it’s on netflix yeehaw ! but if you don’t have netflix it’s on youtube

together with me ::

summary: korn and knock are childhood best friends who meet again in college and, after a drunken night out, end up having sex. knock, who has a girlfriend, makes korn promise never to tell anyone about it and pretend like it never happened but you can’t hide falling in love forever :))

my thoughts: god SO much angst. it isnt an ep of twm if there isn’t angst smh my heart hurts watching it. BUT . it also has cute moments, funny af moments, and some SEXY AF moments . the sex / kiss scenes are unmatched bro . holy shit . watch the uncut versions too theyre even hotter i cant breathe 🥵 

ending: happy 

sequel(s): there are two “sequels”, one: together with me: the next chapter (which apparently wasn’t as good as s1 but i havent seen it) and then two: bad romance which features kornknock but the main couple is boyxgirl (and it aired first, but it’s set chronologically AFTER twm)

where to watch: youtube

theory of love ::

summary: third is secretly in love with his best friend, a straight playboy/manwhore named khai. he tries to stop his feelings, but is unsuccessful until he overhears something he wasn’t meant to. third, heartbroken, decides once and for all to stop loving khai- but just when third stops, khai starts.

my thoughts: anGST goddammit bl dramas love their angst huh. anyways i love the general plot of this and also like ? how aware the creators are of the plot sorta bc the movie flipped is a large af part of the show . also the kiss that ive seen ?? whew YES bro . also like before we get the happy ending there’s SOOOO much angst, even after they both know that they like each other ksjdf i haven’t finished it bc im mentally preparing myself 

ending: happy

sequel(s): n/a, but if you want another drama where these actors are together, puppy honey has the same actors as a the couple pick and rome (idk if they have a happy ending though?? i havent seen it)

where to watch: youtube

great men academy ::

summary: love is a girl who is a huge fan of vier, a boy who attends great men academy (an all-boys school). one day she helps an injured unicorn by a lake (dont ask BRO DONT ASK) who then grants her one wish: to fulfill her love. unfortunately, the unicorn interprets love’s wish differently than expected, and turns her into a boy. love decides to attend great men academy in her male form, but she must remember to return to the lake and submerge herself every night before midnight to turn into her female form again, or she’ll be stuck in her male form forever

my thoughts: this drama........ whoever thought of this plot was on crack or smth. s’cute though. all the male characters are members of 9x9 (including captain, who plays noh in lovesick) also the main lead ends up with the person everyone acTUALLY wanted him/her to end up with so . YAY FOR US. still a WEIRD ass plot though

ending: happy

sequel(s): n/a

where to watch: kissasian

honorable mentions:: 

bolded : watched/watchingitalics : unwatchedstarred *** : hasn’t aired yet

- until we meet again (only an honorable mention and not an actual rec bc i haven’t seen it yet so i don’t know as much about it, BUT i know it’s good)

- kiss me again (the prequel to kiss: the series and also good but not PRIMARILY bl, focuses on three het couples/storylines and then the one bl storyline, but petekao is still otp asf)

- 2moons / 2moons2 (2m2 is a remake with a little better acting, a different cast, and more focus on the side couples than 2m. it is NOT* a sequel)

- make it right: the series (a bit old and kiiiinda shitty but one of the classics. also the second season is a little better imo bc the characters look more mature and the cinematography is better but ! s1 is a classic. also very . VERY sexual pls god do not watch it without headphonessjfkds)

- love sick: the series / reminders (love sick: basically the first mainstream bl uhhh ever. not particularly good / bold compared to more recent ones but it paved the way for current bls so we Respect love sick. ALSO reminders: is a modern sequel type thing set after love sick 2 when phun and noh are in university. also :: features almost all the main couples/actors from love by chance but has no relation/isn’t the same universe)

- the stranded ( i haven’t seen this but i know it has some gr8 bxb relationship shit ! but it’s not the main focus of the show i believe)

- 2gether: the series *** (hasn’t aired yet, but looks juicy af)

- my engineer *** (also hasn’t aired yet but again . i am inTRIGUED)

[secretlyatargaryen]

July 2019 Reviews

Games

Walden, a game - A delightful experience for those who love games and literature and the idea of them together. The best parts of the game are the quotes from Thoreau's book that appear on the screen when you examine something closely, like a fox or a maple tree, complete with great voice acting. The ecological detail put into the game is impressive. The worst part is that the game mechanics for completing tasks are clunky and there is very little time each day before the game forces you to go to sleep and begin the next day, and your hunger, fuel, and shelter meter always seems to be low, causing you to spend the majority of your daylight hours picking berries and collecting firewood. I get that this is supposed to mirror the experience of "living simply," but 1) it is boringly repetitive and if anything calls to mind the irony of “being one with nature” in a computer game and 2) there are a lot of other interesting things to do in the game which you do not have enough time to do, such as helping escaped slaves on their way to the underground railroad. I learned playing this game that Henry David Thoreau was basically every guy I met in college who hated the government and whose solution to its atrocities was to fuck off into the woods and smoke pot instead of actually doing anything about it. This analogy is completed by the fact that you are able to go into town and get food and clean laundry from your parents' house if you get too low on those things.

Black Mirror (2017) - No, not the Netflix series. This is a re-imagining of the Black Mirror series of adventure games developed in the early 2000s. The original game is considered a classic of point and click adventures but suffers from an unoriginal plot (obligatory part where I once again complain about horror games and their obsession with "Surprise! You're crazy! Dead women!") and the unfortunateness of early 3D polygon graphics. The second and third game took the series in a completely new and original direction and were quite good, so while I had never heard of the remake before I came across it during the steam summer sale, I was cautiously hopeful. Even if it was trash, it's just the kind of gothic-mystery-exploring-a-haunted-castle trash that I like to throw my money at. The gameplay is pretty fun (minus some quick time events where you can get killed by ghosts mostly by failing to operate the somewhat clunky controls - the game was originally ported for PS4) and the story is original but also expands upon the series mythos. An enjoyable trashy gothic yarn, although the story also felt incomplete, even to someone who has played the original games, and was both wrapped up too quickly and left weirdly unresolved.

Books

Greenglass House, Kate Milford - I started this book a while ago and it’s been on my radar for a while, and I restarted it again when I heard it was going to be on this year’s BOB list. A fun young adult adventure story which utilizes one of my favorite mystery tropes, the closed circle. The story is that preteen Milo lives in the eponymous house, which his family runs as an inn. The house used to be a meeting place for smugglers back in the day, which means there’s buried treasure somewhere in the house, and when the story starts a slew of guests arrive at the house and are stranded by a snowstorm, when things start getting mysterious. Someone in the house is a thief! I really like this book and the way that the story’s original folklore is woven into the plot. There are also several dungeons and dragons elements that play a role in the plot - to solve the mystery, Milo and his friend Meddy pretend to be characters in a role-playing game, and I love the way the story makes connections between games, stories, and language, since that happens to align with my interests.

Serafina and the Black Cloak, Robert Beatty - Another BOB book, this one also has been on my radar for a while because the series is very popular among my students, and when I went to Beatty’s website recently I saw that Disney had already put their name on it, lol. What I didn’t know was that the series takes place in my state. The setting is the Biltmore Estate in the late 1800s, and the story is a historical fantasy that utilizes some of the local folklore in some really interesting ways, although it’s more fantasy than historical. An enjoyable read with an interesting female protagonist.

Movies

Ready Player One - I enjoyed this movie a lot more than I thought I would. I had heard going into it that it was not a great adaptation from friends who loved the book, which I haven’t read. That might be why I did enjoyed it so much. I don’t think it’s anything that memorable, but it is enjoyable. I can see why the book became so popular, although I’ve read books with similar storylines. I guess a book like this is more relevant nowadays with the popularity of VR in the modern gaming market, but the story relied on some tired cliches nonetheless. I also was a bit annoyed when the story acknowledged the issue with the main character falling for Artemis’ idealistically beautiful avatar without really knowing her...and then had her turn out to be stunningly gorgeous in real life. Okay, she had a wine-stain disfigurement on her face, but she was still traditionally beautiful, and the main character gets to be with her in the end while meanwhile, his actual best friend, who turns out to be an unfeminine black girl in real life and who obviously has a crush on him, is left behind.

Picnic At Hanging Rock - I come across this movie on gothic film recommendation lists every so often and have wanted to watch it for years, and I happened to find it on youtube, which surprised me. The original movie is from 1975 and is a cult classic for a reason. Stunning visuals and a story that leaves you confused in the just the right way. After watching it, I was itching to learn more and came across last year’s amazon prime series with Natalie Dormer and watched all six episodes, and although the series was enjoyable and a good extension for anyone who enjoys the original movie, it does not have the charm or brilliance of the original. The series expands on the story, but part of the beauty of the original movie is the way the story is told in what isn’t said, and in carefully choreographed scenes where nobody on screen says a word. I can see why the movie is called “gothic” as it has some of the trappings of the genre. It takes place in 1900 at a remote and mysterious boarding school in Australia. Three girls vanish during a school field trip, seemingly without a trace. What happened to them may have been supernatural. Or they may have been murdered, kidnapped, or run off on their own. Also, I’m pretty sure everyone is gay.

We Have Always Lived in the Castle - I’m a huge fan of the Shirley Jackson novel which this movie is an adaptation of, and unlike Netflix’s The Haunting of Hill House, this movie is actually a fairly straight adaptation of the novel. The movie captures the gothic feel of the book as well as the anxiety about gender and class from which it gets its themes, and there are solid performances all around, but the movie does seem a bit devoid of a life of its own. Despite, and possibly because of, the voice-over narration, Merricat never really comes alive as a character the way she does in the book. This is, I think, a problem with a lot of book to movie adaptations that rely on voice-overs to tell the story. I can see the appeal of this, especially with a book like this which is both heavily steeped in POV and characterized by an unreliable narrator, but I found myself really wishing the movie would just let itself tell the story rather than the narrator.

Shows

American Gods - I watched all of season two on the starz website except for the finale, which I was told that I needed to upgrade by account to watch, so if you are watching on the website or the app be aware of that. I enjoyed season two, although it lacked some of the urgency of the first season. I do enjoy some of the adaptational choices made that update the novel a bit, such as having Technology be outsourced by New Media. Also, season two saw the arrival of my daughter, Sam Black Crow. I’m also looking forward to the Lakeside subplot next season (I assume) as it’s my favorite part of the novel.

Stranger Things - I watched the first four episodes of season one when it came out, and then for some reason never finished it. I know, I know. It didn’t take me very long to watch all three seasons, which I sort of interpreted as one as a result, although I do think there’s a drop in quality somewhere in the second/third season, but overall it’s a fun show that definitely kept me interested and invested in the characters. Also, every scene relating to the upside down motivated me to clean my bathroom.

[slashertalks]

What’s Up With That Shit?

So, I thought it would be fun to do something besides just a standard review— welcome to “what’s up with that shit,” a (hopefully recurring) piece where I’ll look at an issue/aspect of the genre as a whole and ponder about what’s up with it. Hopefully by the end I’ll reach a conclusion, but who knows! It’s the journey, not the destination.

For the inaugural What’s Up With That Shit? I’m going to be looking at three 80s horror movies with surprising depictions of mentally ill villains, and picking apart 1) why I like them, 2) why their portrayals are unique/good, and 3) why we don’t see many similar portrayals anymore. Ready? Let’s kick this off.

What inspired me to do this was a movie I watched last night, called Pin (link to the full movie on YT). Released in 1988, Pin follows the life of two siblings, one of whom (the older brother, played by one of the actors from Cube) becomes obsessed with a medical dummy his father used to use to teach them (via ventriloquism). The brother, Leon, becomes obsessed with the idea that the dummy is alive, and this only worsens following the death of his parents. He murders his aunt and attempts to murder his sister, Ursula’s, boyfriend. She destroys the dummy, causing Leon’s personality to fracture (Pin takes over completely).

Leon is described at one point as a paranoid schizophrenic (versus having DID/MPD, but this is from the 80s so I think shitty understanding of mental illnesses can be given a mild pass), and his sister is hesitant to send him away, wanting instead to help him at home, where she can be there for him the whole time and support him. At the end of the movie, it is revealed that Ursula has found in-home care for Leon and visits him often, continuing to look after him despite Pin taking over completely. The horror of Pin comes from the tragedy of Ursula watching her older brother degrade and being unable to do anything; Leon’s not turned into a monster by the end of the movie— he’s still a human, and one who hasn’t been abandoned or forgotten either! Damn.

Next up, Mortuary. Now, this is a little more standard than Pin with regards to its portrayal of its villain, BUT, and that’s a big fucking BUT: the villain of this movie was not shaped by his own actions, but those of his father. Paul Andrews, Mortuary’s antagonist, is a high school boy working in a mortuary with his cold, verbally and emotionally abusive following the death of his mother (the parent he was close to). He’s portrayed as strange but isn’t hated by the other students— our main characters even sympathize with him. Later in the film, it’s revealed that the main girl’s father tried to get Paul help for his mental illness, but Paul’s father refused and the problem spiraled out of control to the point where Paul began killing.

The final movie I want to look at is Fade to Black, wherein another character, emotionally, verbally, and I believe physically abused (to an extent), winds up killing people who had harmed him (beginning with the aunt who had been abusing him since he was a child). I talked about this movie a little bit in my review of Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker, but it was the first movie I saw out of these three, and it immediately struck me with its portrayal of Eric Binford as a tragic character. Yes, he is the movie’s slasher, but rather than some supernatural force or blind hatred, Eric’s reason for seeking violent revenge is easily understood. It’s hard to fault him.

Now for the juicy bits: what’s up with these films? Why haven’t we seen even more portrayals of tragic mentally ill characters in horror, or just tragic villains in general? What’s up? The most modern horror movie I can think of with a mentally ill character is Split, which I haven’t seen due to the overwhelming shitstorm of a portrayal it is. I remember the outcry online leading up to the movie’s release, and hearing that the way it showed mentally ill characters was actively harmful— I don’t need to give any money or attention to that kind of movie. Then, what about all the horror movies with scary asylums, featuring titles like “Madhouse,” “Dark Asylum,” and “Insanitarium.” What the hell happened?

Unfortunately, it comes down to money, as many of these things do. If people are paying to see a horror movie, they want to be scared! Fuck the plot! Fuck the characters! Bring on the gore, bring on the tension, give me some damn nightmares! I enjoy horror movies with plot and I’ve fallen into this pit a lot, feeling unsatisfied when I sit down to watch a horror movie and it’s not scary. Mortuary is the scariest of the above three movies, but even then it’s too cheesy to really be scary. Horror movies that aren’t scary don’t sell, and, unfortunately, mentally ill people are an easy target. They’re not an audience film companies are afraid to alienate, meaning open exploitation.

All three of the films listed above, were, I believe, smaller budget films, which could also lend them the freedom to portray these characters as tragic versus simply as evil. There’s more pressure on big budget films to make back their budgets and appeal to target audiences, which also helps explain the apparent degradation of portrayals of mentally ill characters. I think this could also be expanded into a pretty interesting discussion of supervillains and their portrayals, though my expertise lies mostly with Batman, which is an interesting case: as Bruce Wayne he’s actively involved with villain support programs, sometimes offering villains jobs at Wayne Industries if they’re trying to reform, and he himself is shown to go to therapy as an adult, which is rare for superheroes.

Touching briefly on supervillains VS horror villains, though, I think there’s a less apparent outcry about supervillains because of the depth and attention they’ve received over the recent years (Harley Quinn having her own comic series and becoming a deep character, etc. etc. etc.) whereas horror villains with mental illnesses are JUST monsters. They’re given no depth, because depth doesn’t sell horror films, especially not to a broad audience. Horror CAN touch successfully on sensitive topics and provide interesting commentary (American Mary is a prime example), but that limits the interest in it. One of my largest gripes with the progression of horror is the expectation that viewers don’t want to think about the movies they’re watching. There does seem to be a shift away from mindless content, but there’s also an over-saturation of remakes. The 80s and, to an extent, the 90s, had a wealth of content that may not be as well-produced as its genre siblings, but provided viewers with real depth of settings, premises, and characters! Strange films, underground films, but DEEP films. Films that could get away with portraying mentally ill villains as still human.

What’s up with that shit? Like a disappointing amount of things, money is what’s up. Commercial success, broad appeal, and the need to make more than a film’s budget. Sucks, but c'est la vie. At least we’ve got a little pool of movies we can return to when we’re fed up with seeing bullshit like Split hit the big screens, and we can do our best to avoid contributing to sales for these kinds of movies. Making a small dent is better than making no dent, after all. Maybe we’ll see horror with a message start to leave the territory of independent films and hit big screens in the future. You never know

[are-you-reddie-for-it]

Overboard With You

I recently watched the new Overboard movie and fell in love with it! I have of course, seen the original one. However, I watched it when I was like 14 and I didn’t really remember it. But I thoroughly enjoyed the remake, I myself am Hispanic so it was awesome to see that they involved the Hispanic culture in it while still keeping the story. But thought about Reddie the entire time while watching it so, since they did change the culture and switched the gender roles I felt it appropriate to make an LGBTQ+ version of Overboard, so here is my Overboard!Reddie AU. This fic will be based more roughly on the remake because it’s more modern but will also have some elements of the original one. Also, the only main “OC” characters will be the Kaspbrak children. I wanted to make Eddie’s children some of the Losers but it would’ve made things a little awkward for Stenbrough and Benverly so this was the better solution. Anyway without further ado, enjoy my version of Overboard!Reddie Chapter 1

Breeeep breeeep breeeep breeeep

“Mmm...” a soft groan escaped Eddie Kaspbrak‘s lips

BREEEEP BREEEEP BREEEEP BREEEEP

Eddie’s relaxed face, scrunched as his phone alarm became louder.

BREEEEP BREEEEP BREEEEP BREEEEP

“Ugh” Eddie groaned again “Yeah, yeah I’m up I’m up” he patted around for his phone, turning off the alarm.

Eddie sat up, extending his arms out as he let out a long yawn. He slid out of bed, making his way to the shower. Eddie drowsily slipped his pajamas and undergarments off, turning the shower on.

Lazily slipping into the shower, he yawned once more before realizing the water was freezing “Ah! Ah! Cold cold!” Eddie jumped to the edge of the bathtub escaping the cold water “Cody!” He shouted

“Yeah?” A voice shouted back.

“Why are you up so early?! You don’t have to get up for school for another hour!” Eddie shouted back.

“I really had to pee dad!” Cody shouted again.Eddie sighed and leaned his head against the wall, holding it there until the water returned to its warm state. He then finished his shower, brushed his teeth, combed his hair back and slipped on his work uniform.On his way to the stairs, Eddie walked to his eldest son’s room and softly knocked on the door “Cods, time to get up” he said, slowly opening the door.

In the pale blue room slept a fourteen year-old boy with dark brown untamed curly hair like his father’s. He peacefully slept in his bed until his father spoke to him again.

“Cody, time to get up. You’re going to miss the bus if you don’t get up and get ready.” Eddie said again.The young teen slowly turned around in his bed, facing his father and sighed “Okay dad” he said forcing himself out of bed, heading toward the shower. Eddie smiled softly to himself and closed his son’s door walking downstairs.

He walked into his kitchen, looking around his house, observing the clutter of boxes all around the house. Eddie let out a sigh. Nothing had been the same since his wife Myra died. Eddie and his kids had moved into this new house, one? Two weeks ago? No, it was two months ago. Myra died six months ago and Eddie and his kids had moved from their old house in Augusta, Maine to their new house in Derry, Maine only two months ago.

Myra’s death was hard on all of them, but mostly on Eddie. Eddie wasn’t “in love” with Myra per se but she was his best friend. He grew up with Myra and married her because he pitied her. He did love her...as a friend...But never dreamed of telling her that.

Eddie reached into one of the drawers below the counters of the kitchen and pulled out three brown paper bags. He grabbed a black sharpie that rolled back and forth beside the stack of paper bags. On the three bags he wrote the names Cody, Connor, and Charlotte.

He placed them on the counter and capped the black sharpie, tossing it into the drawer as he closed it with his hip. Eddie walked over to a cabinet by the sink, grabbing a loaf of bread. He made his way to the fridge grabbing a jar of jelly, a packaged bag of ham, and two slices of cheese. He placed all of the items down beside the paper bags then opened a cabinet from above, pulling out a bag of chips. He pulled out a few more items from the kitchen cabinets and drawers and began prepping the kids’ lunches.

Half an hour passed by, and Eddie finally heard the stomping of feet upstairs. First his eldest, Cody came down. He dropped his backpack off at the table and made himself a bowl of cereal as he watched a video on his phone.

Next, his other son Connor, slowly walked down the stairs also making himself a bowl of cereal, with the help of his father.

And finally, his one and only daughter, Charlotte made her way down the stairs. She walked up to her dad and hugged his legs with her small arms “Good morning Daddy” she smiled up at him.

Eddie pat her head softly, he then grabbed her by the arms and picked her up, holding her in his own arms “Good morning light of my life” he kissed her forehead “What do you want for breakfast Sweetheart?” He asked her, sitting her on the counter.“Hmmm” The small blonde haired girl, tapped a finger on her chin thinking of what she wanted to eat. “Eggos!” She finally said.

Eddie smiled and kissed her nose, picking her up and placing her on the ground “Okay baby, go sit down and I’ll get those ready for you” Eddie said walking over to the freezer as his seven year-old skipped to the dining table

.Eddie smiled at her, popping two Eggo waffles into the toaster. He then leaned against the kitchen counter looking at his wrist watch then glanced over at Cody.“You have five minutes until you have to leave Mister, I suggest you put your phone away and finish getting ready for school” Eddie said, placing his hand on his hip.“Ughhhh” Cody groaned, shutting his phone off “Can’t you just drive me to school today dad?” He asked.

Eddie shook his head “No Cods, you know I have to go straight to work after I take the twins to school” Eddie replied.The waffles popped out of the toaster and he took them out, placing them on a plate. Eddie then walked over to the fridge, pulling out whipped cream, syrup, and strawberries.“Why don’t you want to ride the bus anyway? You loved riding the bus at the other house” Eddie asked as he poured a decent amount of syrup on the waffles.

Cody sighed “Because I actually had friends then” he commented.“What and you don’t have friends now?” Eddie asked while he pulled out a knife, cutting the ends off of the strawberries.

“No! You know this”

“What about that kid in your math class? ...Kyle right? I thought you were friends with him”

Cody rolled his eyes “Dad, I told you. I was in math and Kyle asked to borrow my pencil.”

Suddenly his phone alarm went off, telling him it was time to leave for the bus stop “Whatever...it’s not like you listen anyway” he mumbled the last part as he grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder walking out of the house.

“Bye Cody! Have a good day at school!” Eddie shouted from the kitchen “I love you”

“I love you too” Cody responded back in a monotone voice as he walked out the front door.

Eddie sighed and placed Charlotte’s plate of Eggos in front of her. He placed kisses on both Charlotte and Connor’s heads as they ate breakfast.

______________________________________

“Carter!” A voice rang through a yacht known as ‘The Wet Dream’ owned by The Richard Tozier, son of the third richest man in the world, Wentworth Tozier.

“Yes Richard?” Richie’s steward immediately responded, quickly walking into the room after hearing his boss’s voice.

Richie slowly sat up from his messy bed “Get someone to clean this fucking mess up” he sleepy said referring to his room. He laid back down in bed, with a girl on each side of him.

Carter sighed “Yes sir” he simply said, walking out of the room.

Richie was a player. Not only that, he was a player with Daddy’s money. But surprisingly enough, Richie had a fiancée. A beautiful woman who possessed the name of Vanessa.

Richie turned in bed to his fiancée and kissed her softly “God damn, even when you wake up you’re hot” Richie laughed then he turned to the other girl laying in the bed with them, kissing her as well.Richie did love Vanessa, but he and Vanessa had more of an open relationship. Which meant Richie was always with other girls. Vanessa didn’t mind though, she always had something else on her mind when she was with Richie.

Vanessa stood up “I’m going. I’ve got to go get ready, I have things to do today” she said, starting to walk out of the room.

Richie quickly sat up “Wait, baby...no please stay...you know I get so bored without you here” he begged her to stay.

Vanessa smiled softly and pushed him back down on the bed “We’ve been over this baby...I’ll see you after I get home from shopping with the girls okay?” She said as sweetly as she could muster “Richie baby, can I have some money please?” Vanessa asked kissing down Richie’s chest.

Richie bit his lip, letting out a moan, completely hypnotized by his fiancée “Of course babe” he said reaching over to grab his wallet, pulling out a couple hundred dollars.

Vanessa smiled and kissed Richie’s cheek “Thank you honey, I’ll see you tonight” she said, walking out of the room.

Richie sighed and grabbed the other girl in his bed, starting to kiss her again before falling back asleep.

______________________________________

Eddie had just left his first job, as a pizza guy, and went to his second job, as a carpet cleaner. He had driven to the Derry Pier. Which to him seemed like a weird place for a house.

It wasn’t until he had gotten to the Pier that he realized he was cleaning the carpet to a boat. Eddie grabbed his cleaning supplies out of his car and walked down the long platform the boats had been next to. The smell of the salty air was almost strong enough to send Eddie into a coughing fit, but he didn’t mind it, he thoroughly enjoyed the scent.

Looking around he found a yacht with the name ‘The Wet Dream’ engraved into the back of the yacht. He rolled his eyes at the name “Disgusting...” he mumbled, pulling out his phone.

The phone rang a few times before anyone answered “Hello?” A voice asked.

“Yes hi, hello um...I’m your carpet cleaner...I’m at the pier...but I’m not entirely sure which boat I’m supposed to be cleaning”

A long sigh came from the other side of the line “The yacht is named ‘The Wet Dream’ “ The voice replied in an embarrassed tone.

Eddie sighed himself “Great...” he said quietly “Thanks”. Eddie hung up the phone and hauled his equipment to the yacht, walking in. There he was greeted by Richie’s steward who lead him to the room that needed to be cleaned.

Eddie walked in, jaw dropped to the floor as he looked at the room “This yacht is incredible...” Eddie said aloud “Too bad it has stupid name...who the hell names a yacht ‘The Wet Dream’ anyway?”

“I’m offended you think my yacht’s name is stupid. You’re telling me you have a better, more clever name for it?” A voice was suddenly heard from behind Eddie.

Eddie froze and quickly turned around, facing a bed as a tall figure sat up.Eddie gulped ‘shit...he’s going to fire me now...’ he thought.

The man grabbed a phone that was sitting on his nightstand and quickly dialed a number. “Carter, I’m ready for my Bloody Mary. Yeah. Oh but um most Mary” he said then hung up the phone.

He stood up from his bed, wearing nothing. And Eddie frantically covered his eyes with his hands as the man approached him.

Eddie glanced at up him, not able to keep himself from glancing down at the stranger’s lower torso. He covered his eyes again.“Do you mind??” Eddie asked in an annoyed tone.

“No, not at all. Go ahead and stare. I’m very comfortable in my body” the man teased then realized the carpet cleaner wasn’t catching on.

The man in front of Eddie sighed and turned around grabbing a towel from his bed.

Eddie finally uncovered his eyes and watched the man walk to grab the towel. And while the man’s back was turned towards Eddie, he noticed a tattoo on the man’s right butt cheek. It was a tattoo of the comedy and tragedy masks for theatre.

The man turned back to Eddie “Well now that I’m more...” He looked down at the towel wrapped around his waist “appropriately dressed...” the man stuck out his hand for Eddie to shake “I’m Richard Tozier”

Eddie took Richie’s hand and shook it “I’m Eddie Kasp-“ Eddie started but was cut off by the stranger.

“Wow...you are really attractive for a carpet cleaning boy” Richie started and Eddie stared blankly at him with confusion.

“Although...” Richie put his index finger to his lips “You could maybe do something about your hair.”

Eddie was offended, his brows furrowed and he was about to comment back before he was cut off yet again.

“No...no wait...that’s not it. It’s your face. I mean..it’s good but...a little mediocre. Especially for my taste” Richie commented.

Eddie’s jaw dropped, boy the things he could say to this man to put him in his place. Granted, Richie was extremely attractive, in Eddie’s opinion, it was perhaps his confidence that made him attractive in Eddie’s eyes. Or maybe the dark brown locks that covered his slim face.

Eddie was about to lash back at Richie’s comment before Richie’s steward walked into the room with Richie’s Bloody Mary.

“My apologies Richard, I thought you were already up” Carter apologized.

Richie turned around “God! Finally, it’s about time!” He said, snatching the drink from his steward. He quickly took a sip “Oh! Before you leave. Have Chef Jacob prepare my breakfast and then fire him”

Eddie’s jaw seemed to drop to the floor at Richie’s behavior. Carter of course wasn’t fazed by this.

“Right, of course. But perhaps we should give him a few weeks’ notice? His wife is after all expecting” Carter tried to reason with Richie.

“But his food is so boring. It tastes like nothing” Richie whined.

Carter sighed “Right away sir...” he said before walking out.

As soon as Carter had left, two girls walked into Richie’s room “Hi Richard” one of the girls smiled, pulling him in for a kiss.

Richie smirked “Hello girls”

“We were wondering if you’d like to join us in the jacuzzi?” One of the girls asked, biting down on her bottom lip.

“Well of course!” Richie smiled “Lead the way girls!” he said.

The girls both grabbed Richie by the arms and started pulling him out of the room. Then Richie peeked his head back into the room before leaving.

“Oh, try to hurry. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna need the room soon” Richie said, winking at Eddie.

Eddie rolled his eyes to himself and began cleaning.

______________________________________

Eddie had cleaned most of the rooms in the yacht, there was just one he had yet to clean, which happened to be the lounging area of the boat. He walked up the stairs with his equipment and looked around in awe.

That was until he saw Richie sitting on a lounge chair, tanning in the sun.Eddie rolled his eyes to himself and walked up to Richie “Hey, excuse me. I was told to to clean in here, that’s not going to disturb you is it?” He asked as politely as he could.

Richie lowered his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose and looked at the short man standing beside him “No, not at all. Go ahead” he said.

Eddie nodded and turned to walk away when Richie spoke.“Hmmm...I’m craving something...what could it be?” He said to himself.

Eddie turned back to Richie “Uh...are you talking to me...?” He asked.

“It’s sweet but not to sweet” Richie continued “Is it mango? ...Yeah I’m pretty sure it’s mango” Richie bit the end of his thumb.

Eddie, not receiving a response, decided it was now okay to turn back around.“Oh no no. Wait wait. It’s Papaya!” Richie exclaimed. Eddie turned back to Richie as Richie turned to Eddie in his chair “Is it Papaya?” He asked Eddie.

Eddie stared blankly at Richie “I...would have no way of knowing that” he replied.

Richie chuckled “Oh, right. Of course” he facepalmed. “Would you be a doll and get me a little of both?” He asked.

Eddie’s jaw dropped in disbelief “You know I was just hired to clean the carpets right?” He asked.

“Right. But I don’t see why that should prevent you from getting me a snack” Richie replied rudely.

Eddie dropped his basket of cleaning supplies to the ground, “Correct me if I’m wrong but, don’t you have like, 10,000 other people to do that for you?” He snapped back.“Uh yeah, but you’re right here”

“Okay I’m sorry but I really have to finish up. I have to go pick my kids up from school” Eddie said, starting to turn back around

.Richie scoffed again “Come here” he said standing up, calling Eddie over with his index finger.

Eddie sighed and placed the rest of his equipment down, walking up to Richie, “What?” He asked crossing his arms.

“Perhaps you don’t know who I am.” Richie said with a soft smirk.

“Oh I know exactly who you are” Eddie said putting his hands on his hips, ‘You’re an entitled asshole who needs to let me do my job’ He thought.

“Then why don’t I have my fruit?”

Eddie shrugged “Beats me. But I am not getting it”

Richie laughed “Okay fine, you’re fired” he simply stated, turning away from Eddie.

This time Eddie laughed in disbelief “For not getting you a mango?” He asked

“Or a Papaya” Richie added.

Eddie shook his head still laughing,“You know what? That’s fine. Just pay me and I’ll be on my way” he said walking up to Richie.

Richie smirked and crossed his arms “I’m not paying you”

Eddie felt his blood start to boil, “Look, you hired me to do a job. And I did it! You are paying me” Eddie got in the tall man’s face.

Richie shook his head “Nope” he said pulling his phone out yet again “Captain? Yup we are ready to set sail” was all Richie said before hanging up.

Richie then grabbed Eddie by the cheek and pinched it “Goodbye Eddie Spaghetti” he said in a singsongy voice.

Eddie stood there for a moment before laughing hysterically “You...are a terrible person” Eddie started. “A first-class asshole!” Eddie shouted.

Richie scoffed “You’re no charmer yourself!”

“Oh wow that hurt! I bet you haven’t even worked a day in your sad, miserable life! There are people out there suffering in the world, busting their asses off while you sit here all day fucking around, getting drunk with girls! You’re just a rich prick, living off of your daddy’s money!” Eddie continued as the horn to the boat went off.

Eddie’s eyes widened and he ran to the edge of the boat “No wait! Captain! I’m still on board! Don’t leave yet!” He shouted, but no one could hear him.Suddenly, the yacht started drifting away from the platform. “Shit! No wait!” Eddie shouted again.

Richie chuckled crossing his arms in front of his chest, “I guess your best option is to just jump out” he suggested.

Eddie turned to Richie, steam shooting from his ears “No, I am not going anywhere until you or one of your butlers or bimbos has paid me!” Eddie snapped angrily.

“Fine, next stop, New York” Richie said, walking up to Eddie.

“Fine! I’ll be a pain in your ass until we get there” Eddie crossed his arms.

Richie’s hands and facial expression dropped, “Wow...I guess I didn’t think this through...” he put a hand to his head.

“No, you didn’t” Eddie rolled his eyes

“I cannot believe you’re making me do this...” Richie paused.

Eddie looked at him, waiting for the taller male to finish speaking. But, before he knew it, he was being pushed off Richie’s boat, falling straight into the water.

Richie remained on the boat, laughing down as Eddie’s small body hit the water.

Eddie came up for air, swimming frantically, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?” He shouted. He then came to the realization that his things were still on the boat. “Fuck! My equipment!”

“Oh. Right, right, let me assist you” an evil grin grew on Richie’s lips as he walked over to Eddie’s materials. He grabbed the large vacuum Eddie had been hauling all around the yacht with him. He easily picked it up, aiming it towards the water.

Eddie’s eyes widened “NO NO NO! THAT’S EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE!!!” Eddie shouted.

Richie just laughed before chucking the vacuum into the water, barely missing Eddie.“Oh no, I forgot something” Richie said, quickly running back to where the vacuum had been “Your bucket! Fetch boy!” Richie said, throwing the bucket into the water as well.

Eddie quickly tried grabbing at all his supplies as he struggled to swim. Meanwhile, Richie, still on the boat, laughed aloud “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you!” He shouted and waved as the boat floated off into the distance.

“You fucking asshole! I hate you!” Eddie shouted. Then he sighed trying to calm down as he grabbed at everything he could, swimming back to shore.

[dweemeister]

Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018)

The Walt Disney Company is on a financial rampage. Its pending acquisition of 20th Century Fox will be just the latest of a long line of safe purchases by its chairman and CEO Bob Iger – perhaps the first step in erasing the glorious history of a rival, formative major Hollywood studio. In the midst of rapid change in how television and cinema is consumed and distributed, the Walt Disney Animation Studios remains the spiritual home of the corporate behemoth that has been banking hard on monetizing nostalgia to decrease its risks. Apart from (recent) Pixar, Lucasfilm, Marvel, and whatever else Disney has acquired, the Walt Disney Animation Studios can be proud of its history of artistic innovation and narrative timelessness. So it is dispiriting that Rich Moore and Phil Johnston’s Ralph Breaks the Internet will be the first of two of the Animation Studios’ sequels over the next two years (the other is 2019′s Frozen 2 – good riddance to John Lasseter). This sequel to Wreck-It Ralph (2012; which I enjoyed) drowns in its thematic incoherence about the Internet, muddles a well-intentioned center about the nature of friendship, and overdoses of my least favorite things about recent Disney movies – making hollow metatextual jokes about the Disney Company and previous Disney movies; the latter reveals a modern-day Disney ashamed of its past in all the wrong places.

For all that and more, Ralph Breaks the Internet – which, again, I enjoyed while watching it in a theater – is the worst Disney movie for at least a decade. It goes beyond Big Hero 6′s (2014) bombastic Marvel-sized corporatism and Zootopia’s (2016) ultra-contemporary character behavior. As a professed Disney fan cut by a different cloth, the passes that recent canonical Disney movies have received from other, noticeably hesitant-to-criticize fan-reviewers (apologies for all those hyphens) reveal a brand loyalty that yours truly does not possess. Animation history cannot be written without mentioning the works of Walt Disney Animation Studios. And thus they must be held to highest standards.

The film begins six years after the original, with Wreck-It Ralph (John C. Reilly) and Vanellope von Schweetz (Sarah Silverman) the best of friends at Litwak’s Family Fun Center and Arcade. Vanellope is tiring of her game, Sugar Rush, and a contrived moment which will make you question whether the arcade characters have free will and which results in the destruction of the game’s steering wheel controller sees Sugar Rush being unplugged – leaving its characters homeless (if this makes no sense to you, you probably did not see the first movie). Soon after, Mr. Litwak has plugged in a new Wi-Fi router, connecting the arcade to the Internet. Ralph and Vanellope decide to travel to the Internet and purchase a replacement wheel as soon as they can. They head to eBay, and in their enthusiasm, overbid for the wheel. As a result, they must raise $27,001 – which looks like a decent final score in a game of Jeopardy! – as they navigate pop-up advertisers, the dark web, a Disney fansite that needs more Eeyore and Grumpy, a YouTube knockoff led by an algorithm named Yesss (Taraji P. Henson; no the character is not named “Yasss”), and a Grand Theft Auto-like online game called Slaughter Race.

In Slaughter Race, in conversation with charismatic racer Shank (Gal Gadot), Vanellope finds what she believes to be her virtual calling. Ralph, who has been monetizing videos on that YouTube knockoff by making an absolute fool of himself, overhears his best and only friend thinking about leaving Sugar Rush. He is despondent, and willing to do too much to keep Vanellope in Sugar Rush. All this inspires plotline (Vanellope, who is essentially a child, wants to live in what probably is an M-rated game? Do these concerns make me a game-phobic adult?) and universe logic questions that are too numerous to bring up in this review. For that alone, Phil Johnston (Zootopia) and Pamela Ribon’s (2016′s Moana, 2017′s Smurfs: The Lost Village) screenplay can be described, charitably, as calamitous.

Take a deep breath; that synopsis was a lot, I know. Now, do you like Fortnite references? What about Internet memes that allow this reviewer to approximate when this screenplay was finished within a three- to six-month window? Do you care for lazy product placement for Twitter, Google, YouTube, Facebook, eBay, Amazon, Instagram, Snapchat, and especially ©Disney and its ever-growing list of intellectual properties? If you said yes to each of these questions, then Ralph Breaks the Internet is probably going to be your favorite film in the Disney animated canon.

I am just grateful the film did not find the space for 4chan or InfoWars.

In a year where all these corporations and some of their most prolific, famous users have been under much-delayed scrutiny for their ethical misbehavior, Ralph Breaks the Internet seems to want to say something, at times, about their worst aspects. The comments section in the YouTube knockoff that Ralph attempts to monetize videos with has a comments section room, teeming with negativity and cruelty. Because this is a Disney film, you have to imagine casual racism and sexism must be buried in there, but Ralph – whose self-worth has become defined by his friendship with Vanellope – shrugs off his momentary disillusionment with how some on the Internet think of his videos. Most everyone who has engaged in social media and has received nasty comments from anonymous or known users online never pick themselves up that quickly. The film looks like it wants to make a statement here – whether subtle or as obvious as a clothed person at a nudist colony. But the plot must progress to the next frantic sequence or extremely contemporary joke that will date badly in a years’ time let alone fifty years’ time, as Ralph’s Power of Friendship with Vanellope is so unbreakable that the film cannot take a few minutes for the audience to reflect on why people (perhaps themselves) act like this online. Mind you, this paragraph is only on social media negativity, in the light of revelations that video-sharing site algorithms reward the vapid and the controversial.

Johnston and Ribon deserve credit for the film’s crux, however: that friendship, any worthwhile relationship of any kind, is not what a person provides you, but what you can do to foster that person’s growth into the best individual they can be. Ralph, understandably, given how ostracized he was for decades among those at Litwak’s Arcade, is terrified of losing his best friend. But that is no excuse for keeping a friend away from what they want most, especially if what they want the most will take them elsewhere – best intentions be damned because best intentions do not always yield behavior that is healing. Unfortunately, the film’s message contradicts those from Wreck-it Ralph if only because of the inconsistent universe rules established in the first installment. Vanellope’s final decision seems not to consider how much she is valued from the place where she has come from (Ralph has more to learn, yes, but so does Vanellope, and her bit of introspection is exclusively understanding what she, and she alone, wants). Ralph’s flaws are also portrayed far too literally – no spoilers here, but the animation in this over-literalization of Ralph’s clinginess is outstanding – and manifests itself in a fatiguing action/chase/rescue setpiece. And to further bury this integral part of Ralph Breaks the Internet, there is barely a reprieve – once Ralph and Vanellope have departed Litwak’s arcade for the Internet – from a comedic scene where Ralph suffers as a result. 

Some of the film’s funniest, but simultaneously disheartening, sequences occur when Vanellope finds herself at the Disney fansite – a detour that the overstuffed screenplay does not need. The most discussed moment is when she meets the Disney Princesses (all voiced by their original voice actor if that voice actor is still alive – with the exception of Mary Costa for Aurora), from Snow White to Cinderella to Belle (1991′s Beauty and the Beast) to Moana. Yes, this is a light-hearted aside from the main plot. But what is bothersome is that every joke in these few minutes are based on online-generated criticisms or perceptions on each of the characters. To dig the hole deeper, the film appears to insist that these versions of the Disney Princesses are the actual Disney Princesses. Snow White is useless and has that high-pitched voice. Aurora (1959′s Sleeping Beauty) is a tad drowsy. Don’t get me started on Merida (2012’s Brave). The Walt Disney Studios that has operated after Walt’s death – aside from nephew Roy E. Disney’s tenure through the 1990s – bears little to no resemblance to Walt’s artistic vision. Likewise, the depictions in Ralph Breaks the Internet are not reflections of what made each of those princesses’ appeal to audiences worldwide – aesthetically (many of the features of the pre-2000s princesses have been poorly rendered) or characteristically.

Before getting to the point, though, I will note that “A Place Called Slaughter Race” – with music by Alan Menken (numerous Disney Renaissance films; if you do not know Menken’s name, you should) and lyrics by Phil Johnston and Tom MacDougall – is delightful, and elicited the most laughs out of me during the entire film. Anyways, back to the Disney Princess scene.

That scene, in addition to the interminable parade of live-action Disney remakes of their animated classics, is part of a worrying trend for the studio’s 2010s movies. In films like Tangled (2010), Frozen (2013), Big Hero 6, Zootopia, Moana, this film, and probably the foreseeable future given the history of the Walt Disney Animation Studios’ chief creative officer Jennifer Lee, Disney’s animated films cannot stop making self-referential jokes about Disney tropes and previous Disney movies. The live-action remakes and the animated films are both responding to contemporary criticisms of Disney classics (foxes aren’t always devious creatures, Zootopia trumpets deafeningly; if you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick, you are a princess, says Maui from Moana; etc.). For Ralph Breaks the Internet, the central criticism of these Disney princess movies is that none of these princesses – especially the earlier ones – were feminist “enough”. I acknowledge (and almost entirely agree) the points from anyone who says that some of the older Disney princess movies have serious problems in how they portray gender stereotypes. But Ralph Breaks the Internet is judging the princesses on a standard that has not withstood the unforgiving passage of time, unwittingly close to saying it is not worth anyone’s time to see Snow White. Intersectional feminism, from my understanding among its many facets (full disclosure: I’m a dude), seeks to understand the environment in which a work of art was produced. It critiques that art for the gendered inequalities within, but reserves praise for those works in what good they did for depictions of women in their time.

Ralph Breaks the Internet represents a concerning turn in the artistic direction of Walt Disney Animation Studios. Its impulses to become a studio of the likes of Illumination (of Despicable Me fame) are rooted in the early 2000s, when Disney’s then-Chairman/CEO Michael Eisner proceeded to destroy the hand-drawn animation department after the box office failure of Treasure Planet (2002) and the success of Shrek (2001) – I am not saying that a hand-drawn animated movie is necessarily better than a CGI movie, but have you noticed how poorly the referential, cynical humor in Shrek has dated? That transformation, noting the résumés of the people in charge at the key positions at Disney, is nearing completion. Will Disney’s past be prologue? This axiom proved itself true once before, but the appetite nor the groundwork seems to be apparent for a second sampling.

If nothing more, Ralph Breaks the Internet is the sort of movie I – if I was a parent or a babysitter – would put on the television (or tablet or phone... there are many reasons why you should never watch movies on a tablet or a phone if you cannot help it, but that rant is for another setting) to distract children with. The film is almost devoid of thoughtful discourse about how the Internet has changed human behavior for better and worse, preferring to occupy too steadfastly what is now, leaving others to write the future.

My rating: 5/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

[neni-has-ascended]

The early Disney Princesses are more than You give Them Credit for

(Neni’s Advent Calendar, Day 16)

Older Disney Princesses get a bad rep. There’s absolutely nothing to dispute in that statement. As well-regarded and respected their movies are for their technical achievements and beautiful animation alone, whenever you hear people talk about the actual characters appearing in these movies, especially the protagonists, you will rarely find people lose a nice word about them. Accusations of Snow White, Cinderella and Aurora being anti-feminist characters, teaching little children, regardless of gender, harmful lessons and values, are easy to make and thus a dime a dozen. They’ve been parodied, ridiculed and done off as an archetypal relic of the past century’s culture, by everyone and their mothers, including Disney themselves.

Maybe that’s just the reason Disney have been trying so hard to “modernize” these characters, by rewriting their stories and personalities to the point of being non-recognizable in their recent slew of remakes. 2014′s “Maleficent” and the 2015 version of “Cinderella” come to mind. But do we really need remakes like that? Don’t get me wrong, the original films were clearly products of their time, but the way Disney advertises these reimaginings as “updated” and “feminist” makes it rather clear that the only reason they exist is to please the crowd who’s convinced the original versions of these characters are “harmful” or “badly written” by modern standards. And that’s just not a sentiment I can get behind at all. 

Let me make one thing clear before I continue: I did not grow up with the original three “Disney Princess” movies, and for most of my life, I only knew them from clips that would play in-between Disney Afternoon shows or hear-say. Well, I may have seen Cinderella once, when I was 7, but that was it. I just had no interest in watching those movies. As a child I found older Disney movies to be - as Cinderella would probably put it - “frightfully dull and boring”, and stuck to watching The Little Mermaid and Mulan on VHS.  

However, as my knowledge of aforementioned quote should probably tell you, by now I have actually watched and enjoyed all three of these movies. Quite recently, actually. A combination of a Christmassy need to watch old animated movies, as well as having an on-going Kingdom Hearts BbS fanfiction in the works that will eventually require me to write in-character versions of the three original princesses makes it possible. 

Now, due to how popular culture has indoctrinated me over the years to believe that classic Disney Princesses are flat, uninteresting characters, who only exist to get themselves into a pickle and be saved from it by equally flat, uninteresting princes, making the whole endeavor only worth the watch for the beauty of its animation, I didn’t expect much when I absentmindedly put on the original version of Cinderella on Netflix one night before going to bed. In the end, I was blown away. Cinderella... was nothing like what I was led to believe she would be. I’d been promised a barbie doll who spends her life doing nothing but enduring being bossed around by cartoonishly evil villains with a dumb smile and dreaming of being mother to a nuclear family until Prince Charming comes and sweeps her away with no effort at all. Instead, what I found was a snarky, spirited girl, who is quite aware of the abuse she’s being put through and holds a healthy amount of loathing and spite for her abusers (Stockholm syndrome clearly hasn’t gotten ahold of this one, it didn’t), yet endures it because she’s waiting for a good opportunity to free herself from this lousy situation without ending up homeless and starving on the streets. The term “prince” is only mentioned once by her, in passing, until long after she’s actually met the guy, and meeting him was never her goal when she tried to get to that ball. She just wanted to defy Lady Tremaine for once in her life by going out and partying, because she felt like it. No other reason. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

What I’m trying to get across here is: My first encounter with the actual movie Cinderella made me wonder, how much of what we take for granted about these old “Princess Movies” due to how they’re represented in popular culture is actually accurate, and how much of it is just flanderization and simplification, making an aggregation of smaller flaws in otherwise great movies appear much bigger and more damning than they actually are? Maybe these movies are a whole lot less regressive than we often give them credit for. I’m not necessarily saying they’re “progressive”, heaven’s no, but in some ways, I found the 1950 version of Cinderella’s character to be a lot more independent and strong than her 2015 version, which is claimed to be the “feminist” one, and the less said about what “Maleficent” does to... pretty much every single female character from the original movie, the better. 

So, here I am. I already had strong opinions on the three original princess movies after watching them this month, and watching “Maleficent” was the final straw. In honor of this season’s tendency to replay the corniest of fairy-tale movies ad-nauseum and my own love for corny fairy-tales, I’m gonna take a quick look at the three original Disney Princesses within the context of their movies and see how well they - in my honest opinion - still hold up by today’s standards. Where applicable, I’ll talk a little about the remakes as well. Well then, let’s go!

Snow White (1937)

This is the least defendable movie of the bunch, but for the probably most respectable reasons. 

I mean, let’s face it, this was Walt Disney’s - and actually, anyone’s, period - first go at a feature length animated movie, and despite how stunningly beautiful a film it still is, BOY, it shows. The whole film, from start to length, feels a lot like an overly long Silly Symphonies short with a monstrous budget, which is basically what it was. These people didn’t know how to make an animated feature film yet, so they used the next best experience they had as a model, and while it worked in their favor, its natural consequence is that Snow White’s character basically just feels like an extension of the female animation eye candy from their previous shorts, such as “The goddess of spring”. The fact that she’s constantly referred to as “beautiful” in a way that makes her sound sexually eligible, despite being 14 years old and acting like it is more than just questionable as well, to say the least. However, if there’s one good thing I can say about Snow White, it’s that she’s not quite as passive as she’s made out to be.

Now, her initial reaction to almost being assassinated, then asked to run and live in the forest is shock and trauma, as to be expected of a 14 years old girl who was just almost assassinated, then cast into the woods. People make fun of the “OMG THE TREEEES” scene, but fact is, if you were 14 and this shit happened to you, wouldn’t YOU act paranoid for the next couple of hours after? It’s “self-preservation instinct”. Nothing about how she broke down in that scene was wimpy or unrealistic. In fact, the way how she picked herself right back up after the initial scare had passed and cheered herself up without the help of another human being (animals to pet are another story) is quite impressive. As soon as Snow White has her bearings back in order, she gets up and, quite intelligently, decides to go and look for lodging. That’s right, she doesn’t just sit there and wait for someone to come and save her. She stands up and goes “Well, I guess stepmom’s lost it. Welp, time to go and get my own place.”

And what does she do once she finds a cottage that could possibly offer lodging to her, but sees that there’s nobody home? She immediately starts to plan on how to receive permission to stay, basically doing the math on how to pay the rent. She takes the initiative. Nobody invited her in, she decided for herself “I’m gonna make myself so useful around here, they’ll have no choice but to give me a room!” Again, impressive for such a very play-minded 14 years old. She clearly knows how to take care of herself. Now, when it comes to “stranger danger”, she clearly still has a couple of things to learn, but without a functioning set of parents to tell her to not accept candy from strange old people in a van, really, who can blame her?

Then there’s the issue of the prince. He’s clearly quite a bit older than her and the implied marriage between the two of them... Let’s just say I REALLY hope they waited at least three, four years with that. Then again, these were the middle ages, so... oh well. 

However, in general, the relationship between the two isn’t handled too badly. Sure, the prince is pretty much a prop, an item for Snow White to acquire at the end of her struggle to survive (a theme we’ll see repeated in Cinderella), but despite us only seeing one scene of her singing together with him in the start of the movie, the way she talks about him for the rest of the movie (and the way the narration goes) strongly implies the two of them met more often than that. For all we know, they’d been meeting up in the courtyard like that for a couple of weeks already by the time Snow White has to run off. Basically, it can be assumed, those two already knew each other well enough and even considered each other properly boyfriend and girlfriend by the time the Prince appears in the end to kiss her awake, which makes the fact that he kisses her awake in first place a lot less creepy, especially compared to the original fairy tale. This isn’t a stranger coming in to claim a pretty price; It’s a concerned boyfriend learning that his M.I.A. girlfriend might possibly have been murdered by her crazy mother and hurrying to her dying bed to see her one more time. Again, this doesn’t change anything about the obvious creepy age gap between the two of them, but if I’d seen this movie as a kid, I wouldn’t have taken “Awww, being kissed by a stranger and then taken away to be married by him is soooo romantic!” from it. I would have taken “Awww, it’s nice to know that there was a loved one out there who cared enough about her to come and save her even when it seemed too late.” from it. 

If Disney decides to remake this movie, I guess I’d wish for them to do three, and ONLY three things to change the story: 

A) Age up Snow White by at least two years, 

B) Put more emphasis on her already present resourcefulness and craftiness, and

B) Add more scenes in the beginning to make it 100% clear that she and the prince have been an item for a long time, eliminating the creepiness of a possible stranger kissing her entirely. 

I don’t think there’s really much else you can do, without ditching the source material. I mean, let’s be honest, you’re kinda confined in what you can do when working with Grim’s Fairy Tales, but for that this movie isn’t doing too badly.

Alternately, a movie about the Evil Queen could be done and would make a LOT more sense than a movie about “Maleficent”. More on that in the last section. 

Cinderella (1950)

This movie is the one I think is most unfairly judged as “anti-feminist”, because pretty much every single piece I read claiming that Cinderella is a passive, docile character waiting to be saved by a prince... Let’s just say I doubt these people have ever actually watched the movie in first place. That, or they’re mixing it up with the other two.

Snow White was waiting for her boyfriend prince to come and help her out.

Aurora laid asleep, waiting for her prince to come and help her out.

Cinderella? Cinderella isn’t waiting for anyone. Cinderella is constantly looking for her chance. 

As I’ve said before, if you actually watch the movie, you’ll quickly realize that “finding a prince” and getting married is never a concern of Cinderella’s. All she dreams of is leading a happy life. What kind of life that is isn’t specified, but it probably involves a whole lot less Lady Tremaine, Anastasia and Drisella, and a whole lot more me-time for Cinderella. Cinderella is far from docile and complacent in her situation. From the first scene we hear her speak, she’s snarling at the clock-tower dragging her out of bed when she’d rather avoid avoid it, snarking at Tremaine and her daughters behind their backs non-stop and defying their orders by keeping the mice they clearly want dead as her friends and pets. The very first thing she talks about is having a dream and wanting it to come true, and the movie let’s little doubt that said dream is all about escaping her abusers at the first realistic chance she gets. But she doesn’t just dream; she’s realistic. She has foresight. When Lady Tremaine insists she can’t go to the ball, she sets out to defy her stepmother  by playing the “Your orders are not above the king’s” card. She handles her chores in record time, only to prove to Tremaine that she can’t stop her from going, and when ultimately she lacks the time to finish her dress, Cinderella is rewarded for a previous act of defiance - saving the household mice and treating them kindly - by having them finish her dress for her. Basically: Everything Cinderella gets, she earned. She isn’t just sitting down, waiting around to be saved. She works hard and stays good to her friends, even in her shitty situation, and her friends stand by her in return, aiding her in her attempts to defy her abusers. The Fairy Godmother, too, isn’t just a random stroke of luck. She even says so herself: The aid she receives from the fairy is a reward for Cinderella’s unfaltering belief in a better future, which she held onto despite all of the abuse. It’s an empowering message, about how by not lowering yourself to the level of those who wrong you and staying true to your own ideals, you can ultimately succeed with the aid of those whose trust you earned. Cinderella gets to go to the ball not because she’s pretty and cute and we’re supposed to root for her, but because she deserved it. Ultimately, Hard work pays off.

Oh, but let’s not forget what the ball was really about: Cinderella wants to go out and party. That’s all there is to it. No prince involved. In fact, when she actually does get to go, and some guy asks her to dance with her, she doesn’t even realize that guy is the prince until way, waaaay later. To her, she’s just out at a dance after one hard day of work, having the time of her life, when suddenly a hot guy walks up to her and asks to hang out. They hang out, talk and, whoa, the hot guy is super nice, too! Totally her type! Talk about one awesome party! Now, I’m asexual myself, so I don’t know what it’s like to immediately crush on someone the first moment you see them, but I’d imagine that for many people, an experience like that at a party is quite relatable. The point of the scene isn’t that Prince Charming is saving Cinderella, the point is that she’s out, having fun, like she’s dreamed of doing for so long. All those years of hanging in there are finally paying off. She’s successfully defied Lady Tremaine and managed to have an awesome night. The fact that she developed a huge crush on the guy she danced with is more or less just a side effect.

Talking of the prince, again, if anyone is a flat character, it’s him. Again, he’s a prop, someone who exists as an ultimate reward for Cinderella’s hard work - and, most importantly, not the other way around! Cinderella isn’t the prize to be conquered here. The prince is. He is her reward for defying Lady Tremaine and managing to escape her abuse. In the climax of the movie, against all odds, it’s not the prince who saves Cinderella: Cinderella saves herself. She stands by the door, tries to pry it open with all her mind, and, finally, hatches a plan to free herself from the room she is locked in with the help of one of the friends she’s earned herself with her kindness. That’s all her. If she hadn’t acted that moment, thought about it and figured out what to do to save herself, she’d never have been able to leave the room in time. But she did. She saved herself, and the  help she received, she received from the people who’s trust she’s earned with honest effort.  My single complaint with the movie is that she ends up marrying the prince after their first, maybe second date, but, again, that comes with the source material. Let’s just give the guy the benefit of the doubt and hope the marriage doesn’t fall apart. Cindy definitely earned it.

When I was 1950′s Cinderella, I don’t see a helpless girl who is swept off her feet by a knight in shining armor. I see a resourceful, intelligent young woman, who waits for the perfect moment to escape her abusers, earns it, and then takes it, not allowing anything or anyone to stop her. I see nothing anti-feminist in this. Both, Cinderella and her abusers are female. The prince is a prop. She never interacts with any other male humans. The male mice help her because she’s saved them and kept them alive first. There are no male power-fantasies at play here, and even if Cinderella is a very traditionally feminine character, what’s so bad about that? I am a woman who loves BOTH traditional and non-traditional femininity. Cinderella has her well-deserved place in this world. This is a movie that I’d show to children without a second thought, right next to things like Steven Universe. Any kind of femininity that doesn’t rely on non-agency should be celebrated, me-thinks. 

That’s why I absolutely don’t understand why Disney felt the need to remake this movie. 

I’m... conflicted on the 2015 remake... Actually, I took notes while watching it today. Lemme share them with you as they are, alright?

The start is good, thanks for expanding on this.

CGI mice are cute, thanks for not cutting the mice

Slow progression into abuse which makes sense with the original movie and could easily be in-continuity with it, good

An actual motivation for Lady Tremaine which makes sense, yes, very good

the first act was awesome.

where is Cinderella's snark?

Seriously, why isn’t she snarking? That was the best thing about her.

Oh gosh, they made Drisella and Anastasia even MORE cartoonishly evil

Too much talking, 

too much prince, 

WHY CAST HELENA BONHAM CARTER AS THE FAIRY???

what are you smoking

The slapstick wasn’t needed. At all.

why is the grand duke evil, 

She's NOT more proactive

Too much prince angst. king didn’t need to die

Seriously, Why make the Grand Duke evil? SHE DOESN'T EVEN TRY TO FIGHT GOSH IN THE ORIGINAL SHE CAME UP WITH THE PLAN THAT SAVED HER HERSELF

SINGING???? REALLY???

In the original version, she saves herself with the help of the mice. Here, SHE'S SAVED BY THE FRIGGIN' PRINCE GOSH. FEMINISM??

All she is more angry at Lady Tremaine??

"I forgive you. Guards, banish the bitch."

Have courage, kindness and VINDICATION

THE FIRST ACT MADE SO MUCH SENSE AND WAS SO GOOD THO. THANKS FOR THE CGI MICE GOOD

...Ahem. 

So yeah, as you can read out of this, I would have much preferred this movie if it had just been a prequel short to the original film, as which it would have made a lot of sense and would have been beautiful. The moment Cinderella met the prince in the woods, everything kind of fell apart, since from that moment on, going to the ball became about the prince, totally undermining what made her decision to go there such a great show of self-agency in the original. Also, the chances to the climax were bullshit. She ended up having on part in her own rescue, nope, this time it really was the prince who saved her. I did not appreciate that at all. With that change they broke what didn’t need to be fixed. Was it so hard to just write the dog back in and have the climax go more similar to the original? *sigh*

Pro-tip Disney: When you try to make your properties my feminist, try to not go about that by breaking the feminism already present in them. Thank you very much.

But, oh well, at least this remake still had artistic merit to it and didn’t break the original completely. That’s more than I can say for the reimagining of...

Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Aurora is not this movie’s saving grace. Nope, not by a long shot. 

The fairies are. All of them. Especially Maleficent.

Let’s get right into it, this is the only of the three movies where it isn’t the prince who’s the prop, but the Princess. Aurora isn’t an interesting character at all, she’s basically a female version of the prince from Cinderella. She exists as a prize for not just the prince, but the entire Kingdom to celebrate the defeat of Maleficent, and while that may sound troubling, there’s a reason why this movie definitely does not simply have a bias against its female character, and that reason is every single female character not named Aurora. 

Yeah yeah. I can’t defend Aurora herself. Call this cheating. But really, neither Aurora, nor Phillip even get the majority of the screen time in the movie. They’re not the real protagonists here. Nope, the movie is REALLY about is the struggle of three brave fairies, Flora, Fauna and Merryweather, to put an end to the tyranny of the mighty, vindictive fairy Maleficent. Phillip’s story of reuniting with Aurora is a side-note compared to that.

The fairies are the reason this movie, THIS MOVIE, of all things, passes the Bechdel test. Let that sink in. Flora, Fauna and Merryweather make the movie. For the sake of defeating Maleficent’s curse, they have to give up their upper-class, immortal lives with the ability to magick up anything they want out of thin air, and learn to live as mortals instead, something they still are shown having trouble with sixteen years after the fact. It’s an interesting take on the traditional fairy godmother, and one I’m surprised hasn’t received more attention. It certainly helps that all three of them have such strong personalities and often clash. Especially the running gag of Flora and Merryweather  both wanting to dress Aurora in their signature colors kept bringing a smile to my face. Flora is level-headed and strict, Merryweather is a worrier who is blunt and doesn’t always think her actions through, Fauna is sweet and reliable, but also a little slow when it comes to some things. I really enjoyed every scene with those three on screen, especially Merryweather’s reactions to her friends’ antics were gold. I often found myself laughing out loud, something many modern movies don’t manage to make me do. I’m sure, if I’d seen this movie as a kid, I would have come away forgetting about Aurora pretty quickly, but the fairies would have won my heart. Especially Merryweather. God, she’s amazing. I want her to be my friend and talk trash about politics with her. Though, she’d probably find my love for the color pink disturbing... 

These three fairies are the true heroes of the movie, and their story isn’t about finding love and getting married. That’s never even remotely an issue. No, their story is about defeating one of their own, a fairy much stronger than them, first by outsmarting her, then by using the things she scoffs at against her. They’re pretty traditional heroes in that way, and I like it.Now, Phillip is a pretty cool hero too, but let’s face it. He’s basically the prince from Snow White again, except with more personality and more of a part in actually saving the girl. I’ll be honest, I probably liked this movie best out of the three, but it was definitely not because of Aurora and Phillip. It was all thanks to the fairies. 

You know who that also includes? That’s right, Maleficent!

Oh my god, Maleficent. She’s just... Just such a perfect villain. Everything about her just oozes power. She’s like a force of nature. Someone who’s enjoys and relishes her own spitefulness and vindictiveness to the utmost. You love to hate her, but you love her for how much you hate her. She’s animated beautifully, and evokes fear every time she’s on screen. Truly the Mistress of all evil. Of course, she’s not exactly a relatable character, but she really doesn’t need to be. Not every person in the world is relatable. Some are just insane, and Maleficent is that kind of person. Unlike the Evil Queen, her motivation isn’t even a traditionally “feminine” one. She’s not just vain or a woman scorned, heck, it’s not even the traditional male motivation of world-domination. Nope, she’s just a really, really vindictive person with a lot of power who enjoys causing suffering.Basically, she’s Vladimir Putin as a fairy, except somehow even scarrier. That’s just amazing. It’s enjoyable to see her scheme and act like a lunatic, and it’s just as enjoyable to watch her get taken down in the end. Fauna, Flora and Merryweather may make the movie, but Maleficent puts the cherry on its top. She completes the package. A delightfully magical package.

The fairies were the best part about the original movie. So why did Disney decide TO MAKE A TERRIBLE MOVIE ABOUT THEM THAT RUINS EVERYTHING THAT MADE THEM AWESOME?

Why.

WHy wOuld yoU do THAT!?

Not only did they manage to waste a perfectly good life action representation of Maleficent (the few scenes in which she’s actually allowed to BE the actual Maleficent, rather than the diet version the rest of the movie ran with, Angelina Jolie really nails the role. It makes the rest of the movie even more painful.), they also took pretty much every single character from the original and turned them into unlikable assholes, INCLUDING the fairies. 

Oh, Merryweather, what have they done to you, my dear. Please, forgive those foolish mortals, for they know not what they’re doing...

The first and immediate problem is that the entire movie is built on a fallacy: The idea that Maleficent was never given a motivation and thus needed one. That is, of course, bullshit. She already had a perfectly good motivation. Being a vindictive person. Believe it or not, there ARE people like that in the world. Denying that reality doesn’t make your movie any “darker”, it makes it more childish. Oh, but of course, the movie doesn’t deny that reality, it just makes OTHER characters evil and vindictive instead! How silly of me! Yeah, let’s rewrite the strong, powerful female villain who does what she does for no other reason than that she can into a poor, hurt puppy, who’s entire world-view was shaped by a man and an implied fantasy-rape, and also make her an all-loving mother-figure at it, the OLDEST female archetype in the book, then call that “progressive”! Ahahahahahahahaha. Meanwhile, they demonized the entirety of Aurora’s Kingdom by going with the old “Hoomans R evul” trope, which has been tired and overused since back in the 90s, then they rewrote some of the most interesting and fun female characters in early Disney film to become a trio of bumbling buffoons, incapable of tying their own shoes instead. OH AND THEY MADE MERRYWEATHER DUMB. THAT DESERVES SHOUTING. YOU CAN’T MAKE MY MERRYWEATHER DUMB, YOU MONSTERS.

The plot they came up with didn’t even make sense within itself. If Maleficent had a personal beef with Stephan because he was her ex, then why did she curse Aurora, and not him? Why do the three fairies listen to the king of they’re part of a different Kingdom? Why are the mores called a “Kingdom” if they’re outright stated to be a direct democracy? Why does Aurora become queen of the mores in the end when the mores are a direct democracy? Why did you go for the same friggin’ plot-twist as Frozen, when Maleficent is most definitely NOT the same character as Elsa? Why didn’t she go get her wings back much earlier if it was as easy as just sticking them on again? Why do the three fairies already consider Maleficent evil before the christening incident, if that was LITERALLY the first truly vindictive thing she’s done? WHY would you cut off the fairies’ gifts at the second one like the original movie, but then have Maleficent HERSELF weaken the curse, rendering the final fairy’s gift unnecessary?? Why were the three fairies still in the movie at all if you basically turned Maleficent into a composite character of herself AND THEM in the first place?? Why would you disgrace your own classic movie by having Aurora herself claim that the original movie is bullshit and THIS, lo and behold, is the true, canon story now? F**k this movie with all the forces of hell!

The worst thing about this whole fiasko is that a movie like that CAN work. It can work, with pretty much any female villain OTHER than Maleficent. This could have worked with the Evil Queen from Snow White. This could have worked with Lady Tremaine. Heck, this story would have worked A LOT with Mother Gothel from Tangled/Rapunzel. In fact, the whole thing was written like it was meant for Mother Gothel! For your information, in the original fairy tale, Gothel was a fairy who stole Rapunzel out of revenge for her parents stealing from her garden. She’s never described as ‘evil’ in the source material, she’s just a villain by virtue of her method of punishing the thieves. A plot-line like the one in “Maleficent” would have made a LOT more sense for Gothel, heck, even if you went with the Disney-version of Gothel a movie like this would still have made more sense for her than for Maleficent. So, why the hell did they do this movie with the one female villain with which it does NOT work?

Not everything can be turned into “Wicked”, Disney. Not everything is meant to be “Wicked”. You’ve had your go at “Wicked” with Frozen. Now, LET IT GO. 

This movie is terrible. It’s not progressive, not feminist, and least of all a respectful take on its source material. It’s everything that’s wrong with Hollywood remake culture.The original movie wasn’t a cornerstone of feminist media, but its female characters were sure a heck of a load better than the characters in this glorified fanfic. 

Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is: Disney. Stop hating your own Princess Movies. Some healthy self-awareness and a will to improve is good, but what you’ve been doing has been downright delusional. Your protrayal of female characters was never as incredibly terribad as you seem to believe it was. Take some pride in what you’ve done and strife to do even better in the future, without defiling your old work for the sake of being “progressshiiivvvvvv” (without actually being progressive.) If people want Disney Princess movies that feature the princesses (and queens) doing non-traditionally feminine things, there’s Tangled, Frozen and The Princess and the Frog, and the list is ever-expanding. We don’t need to go back and try to erase and rewrite the history that lead Disney to where it is now. That history is part of why they got to where they are now.

Don’t demonize the past. Look at it with the same critical eye you look at the present with, and then learn from it. Honor it and be thankful for what it can teach you. 

  (See the other entries into my Advent Calendar Series HERE. )

[guerilla935]

The Advantage Of A New IP

In the fashion of it being a brand new year we get asked a pretty general and not at all specific question. What game do you want to see this year? In every new years edition podcast and youtube channel this is hot debate. Of course in your mind you have limited options. You say to yourself, do I want a sequel of something we already have? Has a production company that I’ve heard of before not made anything in a while? You can only answer in what you know. And in the most recent years, the devs have been listening. Do you want The Last of Us Part 2? Naughty Dog will deliver. Expecting a new Legend of Zelda game? Nintendo will probably keep making them until the sun super novas so you are good there. But you would never answer that question with: “I want a (insert adjective here) game.” I mean you might, in which case you must have a very specific itch to scratch good on you for knowing what you like. In any case I will valiantly fight for every game that is still on the drawing board that is not a number 2, 3, or 4. Not a sequel or a prequel. Not an HD remix 2.5 remake. This is why we need to be excited for original games that still have yet to be conceived in a game engine or drawing board.

CD PROJEKT RED

To prove my point I am going to break down what makes CD PROJEKT RED’s The Witcher series so indigestible and why it is so popular now. This company makes a very good video game, but if you jumped into The Witcher 3 you would have been pelted with so much lost exposition that you have already lost interest by the time you have killed the Griffin which is where every person I have talked to (including myself) has stopped playing that game the first time they had picked it up. The game plays very non traditionally, the combat is scarce, each battle takes crafting and social preparation that is tiresome if you were not expecting to work so hard to get to the action, and the travel time is tolerable but not the greatest thing. But the story is amazing and you are waiting on that to pull you through. However we are looking for Yenefer, who is that? Why is this old guy following me around? Why does everybody hate me? Kaer Mohren is uh, a place? Not anymore? The story comes in at a weird place. So you say okay lets go play the first two games, wrong, the first game is unplayable if you have updated windows since windows 10 came out. You could have an awesome time playing just The Witcher 2 and then 3 but lets assume that you just gave up. Fast forward to 2019 and Netflix releases the first season of The Witcher series based on some fantasy novels written by a Russian dude in 1993. Whether you liked the show or not you and 100,000 people actually start playing through The Witcher 3 because you know who Yenefer is, you kind of know who Vesemir is, you know why everybody hates you and how to deal with it, and you have that catchy song stuck in your head. My point in all this is that until a Netflix series taught you how interesting this story and this world is you and most people had every intention of not touching the game at all. CD PROJEKT RED has now announced a cyber punk crime drama starring Keanu Reaves, it is also based on a lot of prior source material but the average player like me would have no idea about that kind of stuff. It sounds awesome and it probably will be, but it is gaining a lot of steam because it’s new and exciting and we can dive in blind which is an awesome feeling.

The Remake

Three of 2020′s most anticipated games are full remakes. Final Fantasy VII, Doom Eternal, and Resident Evil 3. Before we have this argument I’m not going to admit that Doom Eternal is not a remake because it really is, it is awesome plot-less demon shooting and as long as they keep using the Doom name it is all just a remake of Doom. The problem with the hype for these games is that it is hinged on if the fans consider Final Fantasy VII (2020) to be as good as their memory of Final Fantasy VII (1997) and people have pretty exaggerated memories. Doom Eternal also has to upstage Doom (2016) and Resident Evil 3 (2020) has to be better than Resident Evil 3 (1999) and make more improvements than Resident Evil 2 (2019) which will still disappoint fans because Capcom wants to make it more action based which is what killed the franchise back in 2009. But what is really sad is talented writers are adapting content for a modern generation when they could be writing new content for a new era. Video games age worst out of any type of media and I am glad that these are getting restored but we are seeing so much effort put into showing our kids why we were crying when we changed from disc 1 to disc 2 in Final Fantasy VII that we may not get to see Final Fantasy XVI until the far future.

Hideo Kojima

Before I start this section I want to say that Hideo Kojima is one of my personal favorite people. As soon as Mads Mikkelsen and Norman Reedus got hypnotized by Hideo Kojima to work on Death Stranding the games development cycle that involved nobody, not even Hideo Kojima, knowing what in the heck what was being put together in his offices made so much noise in gaming that it could not fail. There are a few games that need only a few seconds to prove that they are worth playing and having Norman Reedus incubate a baby on screen and nothing else is probably the most surreal experience anyone has ever had seeing a game trailer. This original IP whether you loved it or hated it was really exciting to live through the launch of, and when we see game trailers in the future I can only hope that they are as exciting as this one.

The Difference

So what is the difference between seeing a trailer for Final Fantasy VII (2020) and seeing a trailer for Ghost of Tsushima? For me the difference is that when I see Cloud appear with the buster sword I am excited to know what they kept, to see how they improved it. When I see a samurai on screen do crazy ninja moves and disappear I want to see more, a lot more. I know what to expect from the next Legend of Zelda, I know what to expect from Call of Duty, for Assassin’s Creed, and I love when they do blow those expectations away. But when Naughty Dog sends me a YouTube video of the Planet Earth clip where the ant goes psycho and grows a mushroom out of its face then the game comes out and I never knew it would be so sad and intense and rewarding it is unlike anything else. We spend most of our time as gamers anticipating the next rush and I can tell you exactly what it’ll feel like to play the next Doom or Metroid Prime but I will never be able to put into words the next time I will get to play a new game for the first time will be like.

[entergamingxp]

Definitive Edition Hardly Qualifies as a Remaster

June 3, 2020 11:30 AM EST

It’s time to stop calling half-done ports to current-gen consoles “remasters,” starting with Mafia 2: Definitive Edition

I first played Mafia 2 either in 2010 or 2011, the year it originally came out or the year after. After hearing about the game again this year, in the context of a grand remaster, I was excited. I’m not entirely sure why though. It may have been a combination of setting the nostalgia vision to 10,000 percent, or my recent quarantine-caused binge of The Sopranos that made me want to experience the life of an Italian mobster again.

And while I did get that experience out of Mafia 2 — its narrative is its strongest part, don’t take that for high praise though — I was constantly pulled out of the detail-filled world of Empire City. Not by video-gamey aspects or pop up messages saying “press R2 to pop a cap in this guy.” Instead, the game itself constantly ruined its own immersion by being a technological failure.

Mafia 2: Definitive Edition markets itself as a remaster, and it’s time to talk about what that term really means. Because Mafia 2: Definitive Edition is not a remaster. In fact, the only reason you could call it one is because it at least runs on a modern console.

A remaster implies, well, a remastering of things. Some parts of a game are improved, from visuals to controls, to entire gameplay aspects, while maintaining the core of the game. That’s what separates a remaster or remake from a reboot. That core game is still there, but everything around it is spruced up, like fixing up an old house. The exterior shell is still the same, but the interior is vastly improved. Except, in this case, the vinyl paneling is falling off the sides, and rats have established an advanced society in what was the living room.

If you boot up Mafia 2: Definitive Edition on a PS4 Pro right now, you will face a long list of bugs, glitches, framerate issues, graphical issues, and even hard crashes. For a game that tries so hard to bring a player into its world, this is a death knell. It’s the exact opposite of what anyone picking the game up should expect, mainly because of that magical word attached to the game: “remaster.”

“If you boot up Mafia 2: Definitive Edition on a PS4 Pro right now, you will face a long list of bugs, glitches, framerate issues, graphical issues, and even hard crashes.”

So let’s get one thing out of the way first; any remaster should not leave a game with framerate drops into the 20s, or character’s faces sloughing off because their textures didn’t load in right. Remasters shouldn’t come with spammy splash icons in the top right corner, reminding you that your 2K account isn’t linked until you close the game and open it again. And they certainly shouldn’t have hard crashes that occur consistently during missions.

Here’s the thing – I could forgive some of these issues. The small graphical bugs are usually funny rather than detrimental, and I’ve played through games with unstable framerates and still enjoyed them. But the frequency with which Mafia 2: Definitive Edition stutters, seizes up, or just freezes always ends up impacting gameplay. I’ve had the game drop frames during car chases causing me to crash into a light pole, or during shootouts by making it harder to put sights on an enemy. When these issues weren’t present, Mafia 2: Definitive Edition played alright; it is a dated game, but it’s simple and sometimes fun. It was always saddening or just infuriating when the game’s own technical limitations ended up hurting how much fun I could have had with it.

All that being said, according to a Digital Foundry video on Mafia 2: Definitive Edition, these issues are unique to the PS4 Pro. However, finding that out didn’t make me feel any better – in fact, it only feels more insulting. According to this video, even the base PS4 model handles the game better, a fact that flies in the face of everything that I know about how games run. This end result is either the product of a lack of testing or extreme apathy on 2K’s part. I can’t help but think that someone at the company ended up saying “Who cares if the game runs like hot garbage, people are going to buy it anyway.” And that’s because of the power of the word “remaster.”

When we hear that buzzword, immediately we can only think of positives, and that’s because of what a remaster implies. With a remaster, a publisher or developer sees a vocal group asking to experience a game again, and works hard to polish that product to fit current expectations. That’s the inherent danger in a remaster; without a single ad campaign or PR stunt, a game immediately has expectations set for it.

“The N. Sane Trilogy ended up being one of the prime examples of how a game should be remastered.”

Except Mafia 2: Definitive Edition is antithetical to a remaster. Look at other remastered titles this generation, like the Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy. It took the core concept of the original three Crash Bandicoot titles while slapping a new coat of current-gen paint on them. It even managed to improve some of the floaty-ness of the old games’ movement. While for some the difficulty spikes in these games were an issue, they had nothing to do with its redesign. Those games were hard, and that difficulty was rightfully preserved. The N. Sane Trilogy ended up being one of the prime examples of how a game should be remastered – with enough care for the source material while being conscientious enough to make the right improvements.

It is in both of those fields that Mafia 2: Definitive Edition fails as a remaster. On its way to current-gen consoles, there wasn’t enough care for the original game to make sure it runs well, and there wasn’t any will to make sure it was an actual improvement over its original iteration. The game runs around wearing the mask of “remaster,” while in reality it’s more of a half-baked port, and it’s about time we stop accepting those.

So for goodness sake, don’t buy Mafia 2: Definitive Edition. Don’t prove that minimal effort and a buzzword can make sales. Not until those that made it own up to the fact that this game isn’t a remaster, but a hack-job of a port, and one that doesn’t nearly deserve its listing price of $29.99.

June 3, 2020 11:30 AM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/06/definitive-edition-hardly-qualifies-as-a-remaster/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=definitive-edition-hardly-qualifies-as-a-remaster

[angelofberlin2000]

... because Reeves is the star, he has no equal.

Sep 18, 2017

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Lionsgate has announced and slotted John Wick: Chapter Three. The third entry in the accidental franchise is now slated for May 17, 2019.

I’ve always said that the weekend before Memorial Day is among the very best on the calendar, offering the potential for a big opening and then a solid holiday hold. Yes, last summer had Alien: Covenant, which was the least leggy such offering in recent history, but the slot has seen the likes of all four Shrek movies, all three Star Wars prequels, The Matrix Reloaded and Mad Max: Fury Road. So, yeah, Lionsgate watched Star Wars 9 ditch the Memorial Day opening weekend and saw an opening.

If we argue that a franchise grows bigger in stature by virtue of its release dates, then John Wick has been promoted yet again. The first installment was a genuine buzzy sleeper in October 2014. So, the sequel got a more high-profile launching pad over this past President’s Day weekend. We’ll see if the franchise peaked at part II (like Scream or Pirates of the Caribbean) or whether it builds on the third shot (or potentially goes crazy like Goldfinger or Skyfall.

Maybe the answer is somewhere in-between, but John Wick is now the rarest of things, an explicitly star-driven franchise. The success of John Wick is very much about the ongoing and periodically regenerated star power of one Keanu Reeves. Mr. Reeves is arguably the most successful movie star of the modern age in terms of creating wholly original and sequel-friendly franchises.

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 Sure, we can talk about his famous philanthropy, his understated and often underappreciated acting, his “sad Keanu” memes, or the fact that he apparently drank from Tuck’s well in the early 1980s and thus will never age. But what’s most impressive is that Reeves’ stardom persists in this IP/franchise-driven era. The secret is that the reclusive and philosophical actor has made a habit of creating a new iconic cinematic character on an almost generational basis.

Depending on how old you are, you may have discovered Reeves in the late 1980s with Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, where he so exquisitely played a good-hearted airhead that said characterization stuck as a kind of offscreen typecasting for decades. Or maybe you first saw the actor in Kathryn Bigelow’s Point Break, where overeager and exasperated FBI agent Johnny Utah and Patrick Swayze’s guru surfer bank robber essentially invented the testosterone-fueled bromance. It wasn't a big hit, but it spawned a remake, a satirical stage play (Point Break Live) and a loose rip-off that spawned a rather fast and furious eight films-and counting franchise.

Or maybe you discovered (or rediscovered) Reeves via Jan De Bont’s action classic Speed, which turned his onscreen kamikaze airhead reputation on its head for what amounted to a cheerful, well-mannered action hero. The film was slightly ahead of its time in casting a somewhat unconventional actor as its muscular action lead. It was a new trend begun by Die Hard and Batman and made mainstream when Nicolas Cage cashed in on his Oscar win to make The Rock, Con Air and Face/Off in the mid-1990s.

Reeves’ blockbuster action hit, which turned Sandra Bullock into a leading lady, kept Reeves’ name in good graces as he dabbled in smaller films and quirkier projects like A Walk in the Clouds, Feeling Minnesota or The Devil’s Advocate. While Reeves has long specialized in understated dramatic turns (not unlike Harrison Ford or Kevin Costner), Taylor Hackford religious melodrama/gonzo comic thriller, which gave us Charlize Theron, is a rare occasion where Keanu Reeves delivered a terrific over-acted performance. He held his own against a peak-ham Al Pacino.

But just as Reeves’ star was fading, he gave us a new iconic cinematic character for a new generation in the guise of Thomas Anderson. You may know him as Neo, but The Matrix was one of the most influential major studio releases of our time, and the Wachowskis’ mind-bending cyberpunk action trilogy became Reeves’ biggest grossers here and abroad. And whether they acted as a gateway drug for younger would-be Reeves fans or served to reignite the fandom born of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Point Break and Speed, The Matrix gave Reeves yet another defining and iconic cinematic character to call his own.

By the time the Matrix franchise wrapped up in late 2003, the industry was starting to do away with outright star vehicles, especially those not based upon prior source material. So, it’s no surprise that Reeves’ two big hits in the mid-to-late 2000s were Constantine (a loose adaptation of the DC Comics title Hellblazer) and The Day The Earth Stood Still (a remake of a classic 1950’s sci-fi drama). Both films earned around $230 million worldwide on budgets of $100m and $80m respectively. Fun fact: Until Wonder Woman, Constantine was the biggest DC Comics adaptation without Batman or Superman ever.

The post-Matrix 2000’s offered a few small-scale winners (I will defend Reeves and Sandra Bullock’s The Lake House, a moving meditation on adult loneliness, unto death) and worthwhile indie films (Thumbsucker, The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, etc.), but the mainstream stuff (Street Kings, 47 Ronin) didn’t stick. Even the actor admits that the phone stopped ringing as much, although he did produce and narrate a terrific documentary (Side by Side) about digital video versus conventional film stock and direct the delightfully entertaining Man of Tai Chi.

And on paper, John Wick probably looked like a somewhat lower-rung, glorified VOD actioner better suited to Bruce Willis or Scott Adkins, a kind of “Oh, I guess Keanu Reeves is making a Taken knock-off” grindhouse offering. But the stylized and stylish actioner, starring Reeves as a retired hitman drawn back into the fray after Russian mobsters kill his newborn puppy, was a rarity. It was a genuine, under-the-radar sleeper hit.

The picture, directed by Chad Stahelski and David Leitch, was picked up by Lionsgate less than three months prior to its eventual late-October 2014 release and turned into a genuine mainstream hit. Thanks to good reviews, strong buzz and a solid marketing campaign that treated the film as a generational coronation for the occasionally underappreciated movie star, the picture vastly overperformed its pre-release tracking estimates, opening with $14 million and legging it to $43m domestic and $88m worldwide on a $30m budget.

That’s not a king’s ransom, but the picture, which played off Reeves’ star persona as a Zen-like man of action (and the fact that he had been somewhat MIA from mainstream movies), became an instant genre favorite and would-be cult classic. It was a big post-theatrical hit and John Wick: Chapter Two opened this past February as a true breakout sequel with a $30 million debut weekend for an eventual $92m domestic and $171m worldwide gross on a $40m budget.

The John Wick franchise is rooted in the idea of seeing Keanu Reeves specifically as John Wick, specifically because of Reeves’ performance and how the character plays off his persona. And that applies to all his defining characters, from Ted to Neo to Wick. Plenty of actors have one or two iconic/defining cinematic characters to their credit. Reeves has at least four (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Speed, The Matrix and John Wick) and possibly five (if you want to count Point Break’s Johnny Utah). Moreover, all of them stemmed from original screenplays sans any attachment to branded content or preexisting source material.

Moreover, all of them stemmed from original screenplays sans any attachment to branded content or preexisting source material. In 2017, Reeves is still around, still relevant, and still creating wholly original cinematic franchise-friendly characters. It would be like if Harrison Ford were still creating new characters as popular as Indiana Jones or Han Solo. Or, it would be like if Hell of High Water or Blackhat did even 25% of what Star Trek or Thor did at the domestic box office.

It is that ability (aside from the whole talent/charisma/professionalism/commitment stuff), to create new characters just often enough to snag new fans and reacquaint himself with older fans that keeps the actor exciting and bankable even in an IP/branded content world. Most actors are lucky to have one iconic character. Some, like Alan Rickman, get two. Keanu Reeves has at least four, all of which are wholly original cinematic creations.

Like Denzel Washington and Leonardo DiCaprio, Keanu Reeves is still a movie star because he remains bigger than the property and can score big bucks and new fans absent any property at all.  And unlike any of his peers, he has a knack for embodying wholly original characters that redefine (or reenergize) his stardom right when the wick is about to burn out. And in terms of starring in films that create sequel-friendly franchises, franchises that succeed specifically because Reeves is the star, he has no equal.

 Thanks to mr-reeves.com !

[angeltriestoblog]

I watched a couple of movies! (Part 2)

Back again with the second bunch of my latest quarantine companions! My last post wasn't that long ago, but I’ve already gone through an additional 21 and thanks to the extension of the lockdown and the abrupt cancellation of the rest of my sophomore year in college, I predict that this number will only increase exponentially. I obviously have to start looking for a sustainable way of reviewing the media I consume (probably will try dumping mini-reviews on Letterboxd instead), but until then, here is today’s little catalog: divided into four neat categories so there’s a little bit of everything for everyone.

Dead Poets Society (1989, dir. Peter Weir) ★★★★½

John Keating is the teacher we secretly deserved yet never had, which is probably what's behind the fervent loyalty audiences have had for this movie since its release around three decades ago. His methods of teaching are admittedly unorthodox, but they effectively instill in fictional students and real-life audiences the core message: to seize the day and be extraordinary. I definitely would have appreciated more of Williams, though: I noticed later on that he was used mostly as a plot device, as the focus started to shift to the impact his words had on the group of young boys under his tutelage. But, thankfully they are endearing and lovable in their own little ways (special mention goes to ambitious Neil, played by Robert Sean Leonard; and Ethan Hawke as timid Todd), which is why the last half-hour remains one of the heaviest in recent memory.

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993, dir. Chris Columbus) ★★★★

When Daniel Hillard’s (Robin Williams) wife splits up with him and takes their kids, he disguises himself as an English nanny called Mrs. Doubtfire and applies as their housekeeper to be with them. Not exactly the most realistic and practical approach to an issue as serious as divorce, but it succeeds by banking on heartfelt humor to strike a chord in products of broken families. When you take his several antics, punchlines, and vocal impersonations aside, he is simply a father willing to do anything for his children. Williams was destined to be the lead for this: his comedic timing, sheer versatility, and natural ability to bring joy remain unparalleled. Such a shame I didn't get to grow up with this guy, but maybe this saved me a lot of heartbreak.

Catch Me If You Can (2002, dir. Steven Spielberg) ★★★★★

A con man successfully cashes in millions of dollars worth of checks as a Pan Am pilot, doctor, and lawyer, whilst evading the FBI agent who’s hot on his heels. And this is all before he turns 19 years old--what a total underachiever. The best part? It’s a true story. I find it hard to believe that this clever cat-and-mouse story lasted more than two hours: it's easy to lose track of time thanks to its dynamic and snappy screenplay, coupled with the chemistry of its brilliant lead actors (no less than Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks). But beneath the complex and technical aspects of his scams that have high entertainment and educational value lie touching moments that may be admittedly easy to miss. At the end of the day, these escapades were nothing but some twisted coping mechanism of Frank Abagnale, Jr.’s to deal with the divorce of his parents. *blows nose into handkerchief* Wow, I seriously didn't think something could be so fast and fun, yet so depressing either!

Good Will Hunting (1997, dir. Gus Van Sant) ★★★★★

Academy Award-winning writers Matt Damon and Ben Affleck may look like they share a solitary brain cell in total (a prime example would be this footage of their acceptance speech), but it was the power that radiated from that which brought us this instant favorite of mine. This engrossing story revolves around a janitor at MIT, with a genius-level IQ but a troubled and traumatic past. A scuffle with a police officer leads him to Sean, his therapist (and platonic soulmate) who breaks down his dangerous defense mechanisms and self-destructive patterns, helps him tackle his inner demons, and ultimately transforms his life. There is a lot to adore about this film that’s equal parts wit and heart, but my favorite has to be the razor-sharp and realistic dialogue between Damon and Williams. Smoothly transitioning from topic to topic—genuine friendship, abusive relationships, and everything in between—it gives us the opportunity to monitor Will’s growth while carefully examining these aspects of our own lives. With every word said, the audience is reminded once again of any person's innate capacity to change for the better as long as someone else believes in them.

Lost in Translation (2003, dir. Sofia Coppola) ★★★

Film Twitter and the Letterboxd community both made this out to be an outstanding piece of modern cinema, so I went in with very high expectations only to be sorely disappointed and unable to understand the hype behind it. This revolves around two lonely people who find solace in each other and the unfamiliar and unpredictable territory they're in, a storyline brimming with potential that just fell flat to me. I normally appreciate the beauty in silent and ambient scenes, but the ones that made up a huge bulk of this feature didn’t have substance—it was similar to watching mashed-up clips from some random travel vlog. I did find the choice of location fitting though, I am now a hundred percent convinced I should travel to Japan once this pandemic is over. And Scarlett Johansson is incredibly talented for her age: her ability to channel and characterize emotions that a 17-year-old may not even be able to comprehend is above par, which is the main reason why this gets a passing rating from me.

Forrest Gump (1994, dir. Robert Zemeckis) ★★★★★

What I would give to run into a chocolate-eating, Nike Cortez-wearing Forrest Gump at a bus stop, and hear him tell me these fantastic stories himself! This heartwarming tale shows the manner in which he weaved himself into significant historical narratives (literally and figuratively, thanks to the power of deepfake) and injects timeless lessons along the way. Tom Hanks is undoubtedly brilliant as the titular role, and as we see the world according to this feeble-minded and well-meaning man, we come to admire his values, appreciate his efforts, and forgive his occasional shortcomings. In this fast-paced and overly complicated world that we struggle to navigate, this can serve as a necessary breather, a reminder of the simple joys that the world has to offer.

Celeste and Jesse Forever (2012, dir. Lee Toland Krieger) ★★★★

I think this is the first time I’ve witnessed a breakup end rather amicably on the big screen: there's no screamfest that concludes with a cold slap to the face and a dramatic walkout, or a courtroom confrontation that unearths past transgressions, et cetera. Instead, the leads are forced to confront the fact that the friendship they have forged years before that eventually blossomed into something more will never be the same again. Even if they want to so, so bad. I guess that’s why this is so heartbreaking, and thus the perfect companion for any person in the process of finding themselves after the demise of a long-term relationship. Celeste (Rashida Jones) meanders through the process with an extreme lack of finesse—which is the most realistic way to do so—that heavily accentuates her several fatal flaws. But, she manages to finish strong, emerging as a self-reflective and action-driven version of who she was in the beginning. I definitely wanted additional exposure for Jesse (Andy Samberg), though, who was not only surprisingly tender and sensitive in contrast to the Jake Peralta we know and love (and want to pick on), but also an unexpected perfect onscreen match for Jones.

A Star is Born (2018, dir. Bradley Cooper) ★★★★

The third remake of the 1937 movie starring Janet Gaynor and Fredric March, this edition of A Star is Born strays far from the paths traversed by its predecessors (and this I am aware of, from that film analysis video binge I did recently). It’s the first to give Jackson Maine (Bradley Cooper), the has-been with a raging alcohol and drug problem, extensive back story that draws audiences closer to him. But, this character arc comes at the expense of Ally's, the talented singer that he propels to fame, played by Lady Gaga. It was a shame she wasn’t fleshed out as much as she should have been, given that Gaga was a natural, her vulnerability a far cry from her outrageous onstage persona. But, then again, expectations must be kept realistic: it would’ve been impossible to cram that into the specified duration. Nevertheless, I thoroughly appreciated it: though rehashed several times, a romance done this way keeps its key components while catering to the preferences of this generation. The soundtrack is outstanding, and the climax—though somewhat expected—finds new ways to reduce us to a puddle of tears, particularly as the last song number start to roll.

Fall in Love At First Kiss (2019, dir. Frankie Chen) ★★½

Our Times has been a favorite of mine for years, so I couldn't believe that I missed this work from the same director which starred the same male lead during its initial release. Turns out it didn’t make much of a difference whether I watched it or not. The storyline was silly, but forgivably so: in a school where students are segregated based on intelligence, a stupid girl is smitten by the smartest boy in school and gets rejected as soon as she confesses. Consequently, hell breaks loose after they are forced to live together for reasons you have to see to believe. I remember enjoying the first half, squirming in my seat because of Jiang Zhishu (Darren Wang) every chance I'd get. I can’t pinpoint where exactly it started going wrong, but I remember realizing that it is possible for something to drag along, yet also move so fast: to bore me with excessive detail in a single scene, then cut to the next so fast it loses a sense of continuity. In addition to that, the female lead (Jelly Lin) was so unbearable in terms of her acting style and character development (or lack thereof). She seemed to think that constantly complaining in her shrill voice and thrashing her limbs was a fitting substitute for dialogue, thus making it difficult to want her to get her happily ever after. Also, I’ve had pretty intense crushes in the past few years but what she has for Zhishu is bordering more on an unhealthy obsession—I have trouble believing he reacted so calmly to the shrine that she built for him (which included life-size pillows with his face on it).

The Object of My Affection (1998, dir. Nicolas Hytner) ★★½

I was very confused as to why I had never heard of a chick flick that starred two of my favorite actors from the 90s, but now I understand why it didn't take off. (Phoebe would probably share my sentiments. What's her best friend doing with her husband anyway? And why is he attracted to men?) Nina (Jennifer Aniston) is hopelessly in love with her gay best friend George (Paul Rudd), so much so that she decides she wants to raise her unborn child with him instead of with her overbearing and borderline manipulative boyfriend (John Pankow). Though it wasn't a complete disaster given that she didn't successfully convert him, Nina was far too demanding, constantly overstepping her boundaries, and feeding her delusions. Maybe it could afford a modern retelling since I know our generation could tackle the concepts of platonic soulmates and LGBTQ+ relationships in a way that is simultaneously vibrant and sensitive.

How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days (2003, dir. Donald Petrie) ★★★★★

Once I had tried my luck in a number of different genres, I decided to reward myself with a return to the cheesy, corny, and conventional chick flicks I am familiar with—and I’m glad that I picked this one! Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) is a magazine columnist with her biggest scoop yet: an article on how to lose a guy in 10 days. To test this idea out, she tries it out on Ben Barry (Matthew McConaughey), who’s on a mission to make a girl fall for him within that duration as well. Their conflicting agendas lead to disastrously hilarious results as they realize that they’re both *gasp* catching feelings for each other! I enjoyed this very much despite the predictability, although I’m honestly unable to judge it based on any criteria other than what I felt which was pure and utter, slamming-the-table, throwing-my-stuffed-toy-across-the-room “kilig”.

Just My Luck (2006, dir. Donald Petrie) ★½

I didn’t expect this to be on the forgettable side of the romcom spectrum, when it had Chris Pine as the leading man and Brit-pop band McFly lending their music to most of the scenes (the sole redeeming factor I found). But, I guess it’s Lindsay Lohan’s character and her surprising lack of chemistry with the equally attractive and talented person opposite her that killed it for me. Here, she plays Ashley, the luckiest girl in the world who gets everything her way and is thus as snobbish and stuck-up as you’d expect her to be. A chance encounter brings her to Jake, who is the human equivalent of a black cat standing in front of a broken mirror, and swaps their fate. She is then left to deal with poorly contrived misfortunes with effects that are bordering on slapstick comedy: she gets doused in mud, mildly electrocuted, and soaked in bubbles shortly after blowing up a washing machine and I get that they’re probably supposed to be funny, but all I’m seeing is a live-action version of the Looney Tunes show.

Eighth Grade (2018, dir. Bo Burnham) ★★★★★

Entering our awkward preteen years has always come with a certain and specific kind of mortification, but I reckon it’s become increasingly difficult in the age of the Internet. It’s become easier to find fault in oneself for the pettiest of reasons: why isn’t my crush accepting my friend request? Why do I look like a monster in my #wokeuplikethis selfies? Why is no one viewing my YouTube videos even if I work hard on them? Eighth Grade encapsulates this difficult period in the lives of Gen Z kids with the use of experiences and references which are so specific to this generation: I may have gotten whiplash more times than I would care to admit. Elsie Fisher shines in her painfully relatable performance as Kayla: you can sense her desperation for social acceptance. She just wants to be worth noticing and remembering, is that so bad! Although his role is often overshadowed, I also felt for her dad (Josh Hamilton), who tries to hide the struggle of looking out for a daughter who's growing in ways he simply can't understand.

Boyhood (2014, dir. Richard Linklater) ★★★

This ambitious effort by the director of my favorite film trilogy observes the growth and development of a typical American boy named Mason. No fancy plot devices or major conflicts are in sight, but by using the keeping the cast members fixed during the 12 years it took to put this project together instead of swapping them out for older counterparts, audiences are expected to form an emotional connection with them because they were given an intimate and prolonged look into their lives. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case for me. Yes, I did watch him grow up before my eyes, but I barely know who he is. These mundane snippets of his life haphazardly stitched together, without any indication of how much time has elapsed since the previous scene, made it hard to keep up with the pace and look at the viewing experience as anything but a chore. I honestly am puzzled as to why I endured 165 minutes (I’m kidding, it was for Ethan Hawke) worth of footage, and sadly it wasn’t even worth it.

Brooklyn (2015, dir. John Crowley) ★★★★

This drama about the migration of an Irish girl to New York to seek better opportunities delves into the concept of what home truly is, as Eilis is left to choose between two men from two different countries. Divided into three segments revolving around pivotal events in the protagonist’s life, it sensitively tackles the experiences and issues familiar to any immigrant, remains true to the period it is set in, and engaging to audience members of all ages. Most in the historical genre are incapable of doing all three, so that's definitely no mean feat! And I’m not biased because Saoirse Ronan plays the starring role, although her compelling performance renders it impossible for anyone who claims to have a beating heart to finish this without puffy eyes and a heavy chest.

Happy Old Year (2019, dir. Nawapol Thamrongrattanarit) ★★★★

I thought Chutimon Chuengcharoensukying couldn’t top her role in Bad Genius, but she just had to come along and star in this personal take on new beginnings. Here, she plays Jean, a girl in the process of decluttering her house so she can transform it into an office space. While sifting through her possessions, she finds certain things belonging to people from her past, that remind her of broken relationships and question her philosophies on forgiveness and letting go. Her performance may be understated compared to the cunning and reckless Lynn she has become popular for, but I see this mastery of restraint as indication of her growth as an actress. The film is relatively simple in its execution, staying true to its central theme of minimalism. By stripping the structure down to the bare essentials of actor and dialogue, the audience can focus on the poignancy ingrained in the most mundane part of our everyday routines.

The Edge of Seventeen (2016, dir. Kelly Fremon Craig) ★★★★

It's actually true that a coming-of-age movie has been written based on every definitive moment a teenage girl experiences, they weren’t lying. The Edge of Seventeen could serve as part of Eighth Grade's cinematic universe, but instead we’re dealing with another reflection of who we were (or maybe still are). Nadine (Hailee Steinfeld) is a teen constantly teetering between arrogant self-assurance and sheer hopelessness. When she loses her best friend to her worst nemesis, she suddenly has to learn to navigate the ups and downs of adolescence and deal with her mental illness on her own. Besides focusing on the several firsts that we often encounter during this stage in our lives, the film accurately portrays our angsty and self-deprecating nature without resorting to mockery, therefore calling us out on this reflex we have of beating ourselves up and giving those around us permission to do so during such a critical part of our lives. I swore I was actually going to try not to cry here, but I guess Nadine's tearful monologue left me with no choice. (I'll leave it below so you can suffer with me.)

You know, ever since we were little, I would get this feeling like, like I’m floating outside of my body, looking down at myself… and I hate what I see: how I’m acting, the way I sound, and I don’t know how to change it. And I’m so scared that the feeling is never gonna go away.

The Kingmaker (2019, dir. Lauren Greenfield) ★★★★

This documentary is a fitting introduction for anyone who isn't familiar with the ill-gotten wealth and abuses the Marcoses have lying underneath their glossy veneer of opulence as well as the consequences of their actions that we suffer from to this day. Greenfield’s juxtaposition of this family’s fabricated stories and the testimonies of victims and first-hand witnesses was a smart move, as we observe the lengths they often go to, to revise the course of history. By spotting the parallels in their narrative and that of Rodrigo Duterte, the next strongman the voting population would unfortunately elect as their leader, we are also given a glimpse into the selective amnesia of the Filipino people that keeps these people in power. The danger lies in the fact that being an outsider herself, Greenfield leaves plenty of room for interpretation: there is no clear-cut statement of what was right and wrong among the several interweaving statements we heard. I was able to determine which was which is due to the fact that I already had prior knowledge, but where does that leave those who don't?

By the way, if you’re wondering why this has been grouped under this category, it’s because I remembered from Grade 6 science class that anger is one way to trigger adrenaline in the body.

Inception (2010, dir. Christopher Nolan) ★★★★★

Perfect always felt like a lazy way to describe what is supposed to be of superior quality. If you want to sing praises about anything that good, you're gonna have to do a better job than that to convince anyone that it's worth their time: was it inventive and bold or cerebral or emotional? Well, I'm afraid I have to bend this rule for Inception for the sake of brevity, because if I leave myself to ramble on about everything this did right, I would surely run out of adjectives. This sci-fi-heist-psychological thriller is in a league of its own, with its intricate plot and layered method of storytelling further amplified by stellar cast performances, masterful editing and special effects, and a thundering musical score that keeps audiences on edge for the entirety of its run. These elements come together to create a production that resonates and lingers with viewers long after the credits have rolled, partly thanks to that highly disputed final scene. (If my opinion is worth anything here, I believed that it stopped. Iykyk.)

The Lobster (2015, dir. Yorgos Lanthimos) ★★★★½

In this dystopian society, single people are required to check into a hotel in the hopes of finding a suitable partner within 45 days. If they fail to do so, they are sentenced to live the rest of their lives as an animal of their choice. It’s an absurd plot, far removed from reality, executed in a bleak and dry fashion. Yet, it manages to mirror and even satirize the world of modern relationships rather profoundly, particularly the societal pressure to couple up and find our ideal match instantly, or face harsh judgment. I doubt I've watched anything this dark in my life, but I found the unpredictable twists and turns, the deadpan humor, the sheer strangeness of it all very amusing and recommend it to anybody who wants to learn a thing or two about how blind love can be.

Ocean’s Eleven (2001, dir. Steven Soderbergh) ★★★★

I admit I was as pissed as Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt) following his discovery that the reason why Danny Ocean (George Clooney) was keen on carrying out an elaborate heist of the three biggest casinos in Las Vegas was to win his wife (Julia Roberts) back. But, along the way, I was reeled in by the airtight pacing of the multiple scams that were a part of the scheme and the natural banter that takes place among the members of the ensemble. Also, it’s quite impossible to be annoyed at something that starred so many big names during the peak of their careers. (I have a soft spot for Matt Damon, thanks a lot Good Will Hunting.) Although I already knew what was going to happen, it was a joyride to see everything unfold. Based on the ending (and the copies of Ocean’s Twelve and Thirteen that my dad owned as a kid), I can tell that it’s far from over and I’m surely looking forward to what happens next.

So, that’s it for today’s round-up! Hope something caught your interest: I’d be happy to send 123m*vies links for any of those that aren’t available on Netflix. Feel free to hit me up too: I'm honestly up for thought-provoking discussions and straight-up keyboard smashing. Wishing you love and light always, and don’t forget to wash your hands, check your privilege and pray for our frontliners!