#and i jusf started fucking crying

[orangeytree]

wanted to share a experience, it was crazy and made me SO GOOD and I dont know what was that and I dont know if I even care, i was laying in my bed and I felt very confortable and I decided to close my eyes, i started to think about my DR and a lot of things and as usual i got lost in my thoughts, i imagined random things and at some point i was in front of one of my best friends, he started to ask about my ex because I was sad, i started to talk and he just slapped me in the face (obs: i knew i was just laying down but I felt REAL) but when he slapped me i FELT the slap, the pressure on my face, everything except the pain, and I started to vent and cry, cry a lot, like when you feel you will cry your eyes out, you know? so in some point, even that I knew i was just laying down, something clicked and I started to lost my connection to this whatever, but I went back, he said other stuffs and I opened my eyes, i thought that I would be crying a lot, but I was normal, i had just some tears but like i was tearing up, and one other important thing, i'm not 100% sure but almost it, that what I was thinking, he was saying, and I end up (propositaly) making him saying, "ok stupid, you want this shit? so you'll start jusf fucking believing in yourself and stop wavering, so get the fuck out of here and start having your dream life" and now i'm here writing this things, i'm not sure if this was a shifting experience cause it was really similar to my dreams, i jumped to very random scenarios, it was vivid but not like here in the 3d, just like a dream, when but I was NOT sleeping, i know that. just wanted to share this cause i'm happy and motivated as fuck, even that I dont know what was that, if you could enlight me about, i would really apreciate!!

This sounds extremely interesting! I have no idea what you experienced, it sounds similar to a lucid dream but it’s up to you to interpret it however you choose.

I’m not a fountain of knowledge I know just my own experience, and this sounds uniquely you! Which is super cool. Have you had any similar experiences? I honestly have no clue but it doesn’t sound like shifting to me, however I’ve never shifted so I definitely don’t have the expertise.

[kusundei]

yeah no it hit me. hitting me now and i cant stop crying i feel sick like im goijgnto throw yp nobody is home which is good but oh my god the silence is deafening . i hate being like that hecahse theyre not my family irs not my home i can be welcomed but i am not WELCOMED completely there but god oh my god this is not my home i keep forgetting how much i fuckign hate this house i hate it so much i hate it. i hate it i hate it i hate it i feel so awful i cant. i cant i cant i cant i knew in the car . i mean i ghess its nice having my stuff back or whatevevr but j know whats gling to happen when my mom gets home and i know im just goign to get upset again and ill lose it all again and ill just have to keep doijg what ive eben doing. make it to the end of the qeek. end of the month. till the next trip. i didnt feel like that w him i was so so oso happy andnnow i just feel soooo. empty. so emoty there is nothijg here. this is not a home this is a house . a shell rhat holds all my jtems but not the memories attached to it. it is a placeholder i do not like it here. butt hen again i would rather take this silence than anythijg out of my moms mouth im so scared? for no reason? im acting like. Idont know my mom i know her. i know her ive been w her all my life why am i horrified. why am i wishing dor pther things why do i keep being so upset im here im home. im at my house. this is where i live i did not live there. they are not my family they r just kind. i. Cant im just so overwjelmingly sad and i dont have anybtjjg i have this hoodie and that is all and its making me sick . im sososo upset and j hate it why am i so upset ???? i judt keep thinking abotue veryhring. all the small thinfs just the simple things and idk the house in general i felt so comfortable. so okay there. its the same ahit w panic attacks im not ypsed to them anymore so they hit so much worse now and im not used to being “home” so its worse. i need to stop taking advantage of everyhrign and just take what i am given because i cant change my circumstances . thats hust what is the most upsettiing part idk i justj i want to. lay in bed. bht not my bed. my bed is not my bed. i sat on it and i felt ill. i cant lay there i know ill start twekaing ebcayse its not his bed and i hate being likr thsj ebcause its not mine?? its his stuff??? hjs families????? but fuck oh my god i cant im so sooso so upset and jfs making me so frustratedwith mmyself because what the fuck

jmssn im fine imjsjr like. im. im here. unfortunately. ill calm down after a bit its not like ajax has left yet hes still here. im jusf. i. fontlike it here. and my mom just came home fuck

i cant i feel sick. sick sick sick im fucking sick and idk what to do i feel sooo sosoo dramatic. plus im not even like ALONE i cant do anything his mom is right in front of me this is mortifying??? i just like cant stop shaking and i feel heavy. like i feel the weight of my body and its making me evil. i just cant stop thinking about it and in trying to rationalize. im okay its okay he’ll come back??? i left too. i knew he was going to go. i knew staying wt his house for as long as i did was goinf to kill me once i went back. i knew i knew i knew. i know and yet its still as bad as it is despite how much ive thought about it. i thought ifnoring it would save me or acknowledging it and prepping dor it would but nope. not saving me. making it worse.

Its just everythint thats happened these past few weeks keep replaying in my head and its like jesus chrisr. what the fuck im never getting this back? the time i spejt wirh him these past few weeks r probabky somethijg i will not experience again. at least not for a long time and not to this extent. being with him for that long keeps reminding me of how much i cant like? function? without him? its weird like of course i can function. but i shut down as a person. im not. happy. i dont think. its just it really occurred to me last night and i still feel awful i didnt finish his hw. if i have time i’ll do it and ask him dor his like login and turn it in for him but no i sat there for a while and just. it was tfb. i know it was they make ne EVIL i just kept remembering oh hes leaving. in a few hours. i did not want to sleep. couldnt. but i couldnt be evil either because i cant do that to him??? its so hypocriticalcbut its just like no he was already crying earlier i cant worry him like that. im nonchalant…… though i know he knew its just like. im okay enough. i know i couldve cried last night. not saying i didnt i did jusr a little. held myself in front of the fan cause i was forcing myself to be cold to stay awake and then just. idk. prevented me from crying i think? its just i laid with him and i kept thinking. oh this is the last time ill lay with him like rhis for q while. to sleep here w him. kiss him and just be in the same space and be simple and go out late at night and talk about random shit and not get wnything done and just be. to exist. it makes me sick. why cant i keep playing house forever? but no fuck that i dojt want to PLAY house i want to live it. i think truly these past few weeks may have made me selfish. at my core i know how i am and he says it all the time but you give me an inch ill take a mile ? or something along those lines its nust like . i cant? ive been shown something. given an opportunity. a life for a short amt of time incwhich i finally felt okay consistently? without feeling condemned? sick? evil? not saying it wouldnt happen every once in a while. of course it did i just sorta pushed it away because im taking in all the time i spent w gim and basking in that instead. i just keep thinkijg of how i mustve taken it for granted and not appreciated it enough maybe.

i know ill get back home and feel it again. it’ll hit me in full swing because ik myself. ill sit in my room and reqlise just where i am. how my life is and i cant escape the life ive been given. my circumstances and my life and everything i know i cant escape that. i cant escape my mom at least not for a long time and rhats the thing that weighs me down the most. im just tryijg to truly fight the feeling till i get home ? i wont tweak fully till i do. i know i will though. ive been fighting the same (ish) tweak for the past few weeks. i knew and i know. where i want to be still seems a thousand miles away ^_^ and pretendijg we feel safe right here gets harder everyday …. Heh. heheh. heh. i cant

[fuffy2002moved]

[sarah-denial-cq]

Edging, Moods, and Edging Moods

As you all know, I try to be completely honest here. Yesterday was a really lousy emotional day, and this morning I wasn't feeling any better. I couldn't find the motivation to edge at all last night, nor this morning. I tried a couple of times to get myself started but just "wasn't in the mood".

Finally, about twenty minutes ago, I pulled what's known in psychology as a "fuck it" move, grabbed my vibe, put it down my pants, and turned it on high. I was grumpy, bitchy, unhappy - but now I was all those thinga, plus edging.

I've talked a couple of times here about the kind of emotional and cognitive response I get to edging. It's a little bit escapist, frankly. I put on headphones and focus on the feeling and a lot of the rest od the wkrld starts to feel just further away. Less relevant. Less like somethinf I need to worrh about. Just for that moment I can feel relaxed, dumb, needy, sexy, empowered, pathetic, accomplished, desperate, whatever it is. But its so *internal*.

And after 15 minutes and two very hard edges, I felt - to be honest? - a little better. Things still suck, but I have a little heat between my thighs, I'm wet, the endorphins cleared up the headache from crying a bit, etc. I'd said earlier that I wasn't in the mood for edging. But edging puts me in the mood. Edging fixes my mood. I'm happier when I deny myself any chance to cum like a stupid slut who'd rather whimper through three months of denial than have a meaningless ten second orgasm.

So I'm still edging. I jusf took my hands off and spread my legs to suffee thrkugh anoyher edge watching porn of girls eating each other to orgasm. I'm drippingv wet and my fingers taste so good going into my moutb, over my tongue, and doen my throat. Good girl.

PS sorry for the long emotional bullshit, here's something to make up for it

[bakugoulovesme]

Live tweeting episode 48

SPOILERS

oof okay I thibk this will be the last one today, let me just crack my knuckles and dive right into this preview

👁👄👁

Izukus face and mine ^^

WHAT HAPPENED IN AN MICROSECOND

You could see death??!???feel it??!? I’m so scared

I know this isn’t real but don’t EVER SHOW ME IIDA’S AND TODOROKI’S DEAD BODIES I CANNOT

I think I might also puke Deku and this is the preview,, NO ALL FOR ONE WE SHANT BEGIN

P-plus ultra! Okay now the episode is starting for real,,, only one meltdown so far I’m going to be fine ahah. ((I’m trying to vibe to the opening but I’m so shook I can’t))

Seeing all mights little blue pupils wow

Just had to live through “Bakugou! NOOOO!” Again so inconclusion I’m not alright

Do all the police just not have quirks I’m confusion

Kamui 🥺🥺 edgeshot is right it’s not ur fault babey don’t worry ur good sweetie love you

I cannot stand how cool Edgeshot is

Endeavor stop complaining poopy head

All my pros :((( BEST JEANIST ITLL BE OKAY STOP SHAKINF I LOVE YOU

When Best Jeanist saved everyone by being the coolest person ever

Soul stop being sad- I mean Jeanist NOOOOOO

Shot right in the stomach NOO NOOO

Seeing Shouto this scared is making me upset

Also where is Bakugou I’m worried

Kirishima, Momo, IIDA ITLL BE OKAY u too Izuku it’s okay it’s okay you’ll be okay

THERE HE IS KATSUKI I’m crying I’m crying no cap

In the club crying

Why is All for One like being a good dad? Fuck off you piece of shit. “All of this is for you.” GOODBYE.

It’s okay Izuku ur 15 you can freak out stop putting so much pressure on yourself I mean I know you want to help but-

I’m dying right now,,,, oh IIDA IS GOING FULL DAD

“I have to protect you”

Ugh

ALL MIGHT

I have lost the ability to breathe I’m shaking a little bit

I’m going crazy going stupid right now

Kacchan is so smart it makes me cry also all might doing little hops to stretch out how is he being cute right now

“I will take young Bakugou back” uh yes you will all might yes you will

SHAKING IN MY BABY SEAL LEATHER BOOTS

I don’t even know what to comment on,, the fact that these villains just are cool raising complaints with All for One? the fact that he remains cool and collected? that he force used Kurogiri’s quirk? that he took the time to explain the quirk he took?,, the look Compress and Twice shared? Shigarki being concerned for him??? The fact that they will prolly take Bakugou again?? Like what the fick

Mr. Compress is a Pokémon trainer that is all

“This is going to be fun” “young Bakugou don’t!”

KATSUKI IS SO GOOD AND SMART I JUST CANT WITH THIS RIGHT NOW

“I don’t think so. Because I am here.” ALL FOR ONE GET THOSE WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH YOU BITCH

Izuku just get your ass in there at this point I’m like c’mon bitch

Stop following the fuckinf rules you have to realize that sometimes breaking the rules is the only way to do what’s right.

Oh he came up with another way :)))

Oh Kiri just looked so cute!! And I can’t tell if I kind of ship kiribaku or I just love their friendship and platonic love idk

I love these goddamn kids.

Shit Iida is in you KNOW it’s going to be good.

I love the whole I’m explaining the plan as it happens  trope it’s so cool

IM CRYINF

Best FRIENDS!! “Come on!” That fuckinf blast that Bakugou just did blew my pants off they are gone BAKUGOU IS SO COOL AND HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH KIRI IS EVERYTHINF

THAT BLASF WAS SO HUGE

They are holding hands

“You idiots!!” 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 IM IN LOVE WITH THIS SCENE THIS SHOW IS THROWINF ME

I’m dead.

HIS SMILE

Present Mic just causally dropping in to explain Magne’s quirk KING SHIT

why is Mr. Compress so hot like why,,, why is that the truth.

MT. LADY JUST TOOK IT IN THE NOSE PPPFFFFTTT

“The rescue’s priority. Go home you dumb kids” maybe she’s not so bad after all

Oh best man grab Torino is here

“You’re too slow” “You’re just too fast, hotshot” I love this father and son

“Damn teenagers!” Oh all might you stupid idiot

Shimura’s friend huh,, All for One keep her name out ya mouth please and old man is here

All for one is a stupid pussy baby who knows everyone was about to be beat to a fuckinf pulp.

I feel bad for Shigaraki tho that’s his papa kind of,,,, jk I don’t WHAT GRAN TORINO JUSF GOT A FUCKING HIT FROM ALL MIGHT

GRAN TORINO:(((

IM SCARED

IM SACRED

did all for one just get shook by all might sayinf shut up????

All Might is MY number one hero and you can’t change my mind.

Oh my god he’s changing into Small Might no please,,,no NO

You cannot just name drop All Mights successor Nana Shimura and then cut to the fuckinf credits,,, pissed as fuck.

Jk and I’m going to leave the preview or whatever after credit scenes there are for tomorrow

Wow I’m shook. See y’all next time.

Masterlist of all episodes I’ve live tweeted

[ddaddsprompts]

Sharp teeth. So much red; red eyes, red teeth, red blood. He’s screaming, but there’s no one there to hear him. He’s trashing, struggling, but the beast is stronger and he’s getting weaker, he’s bleeding to death, he—

The wolf tosses him aside like he weighs nothing. Like a rag doll, he slumps in on himself, unable to move. The wolf regards him calmly and with each step, the ringing in his ears gets louder, even though he can’t hear anything but his own heartbeat. Then, something pierces through the veil. A cry. No, a wail. It comes from somewhere next to him. He manages to turn his head. Something small, the wolf is heading right towards it, picks it up between its teeth, the bundle is crying, it’s—River—no— He surges forward but it’s too late, it’s snapping—

He’s running. The wind brushes through his fur like a caress and carries to him a scent that makes his mouth water, drool dropping from his teeth and onto the forest floor. He’s getting closer, he can hear its crying, his target is near. He breaks through the bushes, doesn’t care about the twigs and leaves that get caught in his fur, he only cares about the hunger that’s threatening to consume him from within. Everything is a blur. He looks into brown, large eyes as he lungs and under his paws, he crushes an animal-shaped thing without a heartbeat—

Craig woke up to screaming and only realised after a few seconds that it was him. He tore the covers off his body and ran to River’s nursery, throwing the door open with such force, it hit the wall with a loud thud. River started crying, but he couldn’t feel guilty about having woken her up, not when her complaining meant she was alive, he hadn’t… He picked her up and pressed her close to his chest. Something wet ran down his cheeks; he was crying, River was wailing, he’d never been so thankful that Briar and Hazel weren’t home before.

“Sssh,” Craig whispered. “Everything’s okay, Daddy is sorry, sweetpea, I just…” I had to make sure it was only a dream and it—I didn’t kill you.

It took him ten minutes to calm River down and get her into bed again. All the crying made her tired, so she was out like a stone the moment he put Arnold into her arms. He didn’t know for how long he stood there, just watching her sleep, but he couldn’t tear himself away from the sight of her chest rising and sinking with every breath she took.

Still alive.

To think what could have happened, had he taken her on his jog—

Craig shook his head so hard, the wound on his neck began to burn and throb. He cursed under his breath and left River’s room. There was no way he would be able to sleep after what happened. He resigned himself to a long day tomorrow and sat down on his bed. Automatically, he reached for his phone and selected his chat with Robert. He stared at the screen for who knew how long, contemplating whether he should tell Robert of his dreams. The other man was probably already asleep and if he didn’t care about Craig’s struggle changing River’s diaper, he probably wouldn’t care about his nightmares. But there was no one else he could talk to, no one he could share it with. Maybe he should bury it deep inside his brain, like he did with all his other worries, but the horror was still so real, the fear so strong, the moment he tried to put the phone away, panic shot through him and his throat closed up. Craig gasped and closed his eyes. He counted to a random number until he could no longer not do it - He typed out a message without looking or caring for the typos.

<I jusf had a nifhtmaee abd I need to talk avout it or I might lose it>

Then he turned on his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. He didn’t expect an answer, so when one came after a minute, at most, he startled and nearly fell off the bed trying to get his phone.

From Robert: <r u drunk>

<i was on the verge of a panic attack, bro, i had better things to do than watch my spelling>

From Robert: <fair enough>

From Robert: <well I am>

From Robert: <drunk, I mean>

From Robert: <but not a lot>

From Robert: <anyway>

From Robert: <what’d you dream about>

<what happened. Only that>

He hesitated. Just thinking about how he would put the dream into words made him feel sick. His hands were shaking; he had to cling to his phone not to drop it.

From Robert: <only that?>

Craig took a deep breath.

<River was there. And it and then I suddenly was running and iw as so hungry and there was someone in the forest with me I attacked them it was>

From Robert: <it was river>

Minutes passed. Craig didn’t know what to say, he just stared at the screen. Suddenly, a new message popped up.

From Robert: <kid I>

From Robert: <I’m not good with emotional shit>

From Robert: <want to come over and get drunk?>

From Robert: <always helps me>

<I can’t I can’t leave her alone>

From Robert: <okay>

From Robert: <want me to come over>

<why are you even awake>

From Robert: <I’m nocturnal>

From Robert: <it’s not a werewolf thing>

From Robert: <I’m just a night person>

<that’s not healthy bro>

From Robert: <I’m not talking about health with you, you health nut>

From Robert: <do you want me to come over or not>

<you don’t have to do that bro>

From Robert: <I know>

Craig thought about it. But then he shook his head. The thought of interacting with another person made his skin crawl.

<I’ll spend the night watching river sleep. It should be fine>

Robert’s reply came three seconds later.

From Robert: <if you’re sure>

Craig didn’t reply. He got up, took his phone and a blanket, and walked back into River’s room. She was still asleep, like he had left her, and didn’t even stir as her father sat down next to the crib and settled comfortably.

He didn’t leave her until he heard Smashley’s car pull up in front of the house.

-----------------

Somehow, texting Robert became a regular thing after that.

-----------------

<Do I need a rabies shot. Do my kids need a rabies shot. Do I need to worry about rabies>

From Robert: <youre a werewolf not a dog, kid>

-----------------

<why can I no longer stand the smell of lemons>

From Robert: <it’s the citrus>

From Robert: <try holding a pepper under your nose>

From Robert: <or mothballs>

From Robert: <remember how I said your nose’s more sensitive now?>

From Robert: <rule of thumb: if a dog can’t stand it, neither can you>

<I thought I’m not a dog?>

From Robert: <smartass>

From Robert: <see if I help u again>

-----------------

From Robert: <how’s the wound healing>

<okay, I guess? I’ve never had an injury so big and deep>

<how long did yours take to heal?>

From Robert: <weeks>

From Robert: <does it itch>

<like crazy>

From Robert: <means it’s healing>

From Robert: <suck it up>

From Robert: <soon you’ll have a cool scar>

From Robert: <you can say u survived a bear attack>

From Robert: <you wrestled with a bear and won>

<me claiming to have been bitten by a werewolf is probably more believable than me having fought a bear>

<have you ever seen a bear stand on its hind legs? They’re huge>

From Robert: <true>

From Robert: <but you’re ripped>

<thanks dude>

-----------------

<saw you leave papa’s this morning>

From Robert: <and>

<at six am dude. Could have joined me on my morning run instead of heading straight home>

From Robert: <I can name a hundred things I’d rather do>

From Robert: <scratch that>

From Robert: <a thousand>

From Robert: <and spending a day with joseph and no alcohol is far above voluntarily exercising>

<ouch. no need to get out the big guns, bro>

-----------------

<is damien really a vampire?>

From Robert: <what the hell brought that up>

<I’m just curious>

From Robert: <even over the phone you’re a shitty liar>

From Robert: <spill>

From Robert: <or I’m digging through the trash, taking every used diaper I can find and throwing them in your bedroom>

<you wouldn’t>

From Robert: <yes I would>

From Robert: <it’s like you don’t even know me kid>

From Robert: <not only would I do that, but I’d install cameras to get your reaction>

<fine. I’m googling about werewolves and the like and there’s a website that says the same things as you did and has some info on vampires. I got curious>

From Robert: <no you’re not>

From Robert: <you really are aren’t you>

From Robert: <fucking hell>

From Robert: <you can’t just google shit and expect it to be the truth>

<it looks pretty solid to me>

From Robert: <because you don’t know shit>

<is damien a vampire or not>

From Robert: <no>

From Robert: <he loves garlic>

From Robert: <the freak>

From Robert: <wears silver too>

From Robert: <sunlight’s a dead giveaway>

From Robert: <we’re the only two monsters in maple bay pup>

From Robert: <except joseph>

From Robert: <but joseph is human>

From Robert: <he’s just a dick>

-----------------

<holy shit I can see in the dark>

From Robert: <you only noticed that now?>

From Robert: <don’t you always leave before the sun goes up>

<not when it’s so fucking cold outside dude>

From Robert: <also what did you expect>

From Robert: <werewolf>

From Robert: <wolf>

<wolves are crepuscular though>

From Robert: <well>

From Robert: <shit>

From Robert: <I’m surprised and impressed>

<Hazel is in her wolf phase, ironically>

-----------------

<your dog broke out of the house. I caught her and took her to my place>

From Robert: <she did what>

From Robert: <how>

From Robert: <I locked everything>

<don’t know, man. I just saw her chasing after a squirrel and running around on the road. Didn’t want her to get hit. Can you come pick her up?>

From Robert: <I’m away>

From Robert: <on business>

From Robert: <shit, just give her to Damien>

<Damien’s kid is allergic to dogs though>

From Robert: <fuck>

<What brand food does she get?>

From Robert: <what>

From Robert: <it’s Just Jacky>

From Robert: <why>

<I’m keeping her at mine until you’re back in town. Not a big deal, the girls always wanted a pet, that’ll give them a taste.>

From Robert: <you don’t have to do that>

From Robert: <aren’t you busy enough already>

<Don’t mention it, man. I’m glad to help.>

-----------------

From Robert: <thank you>

-----------------

<Betsy and River are best friends already! Look:>

<https://i.ytimg.com/vi/_h0AdOEErz0/maxresdefault.jpg >

From Robert: <the fuck is she wearing>

<a doggie vest. Brian and I went to the pet store and they had those. I couldn’t resist>

<if you want me to, I’ll take it off>

<robert?>

From Robert: <keep it on>

-----------------

Three days later, someone knocked on his front door. Craig rose to his feet and left the girls to play with Betsy, going to the door and opening it. He was surprised to see Robert standing there, rocking back and forth on his feet as if he was nervous. There were dark circles under his eyes, but he looked a lot better than last time Craig saw him in person, leaving a bar early in the morning.

“Hey man,” he greeted and stepped aside to let Robert in. “Here to pick up Betsy?”

Robert nodded curtly and entered. Immediately, Betsy rolled to her feet and barked excitedly. She ran over to her owner and jumped up his legs until Robert took her into his arms. From where he was standing right next to him, Craig could see the tension leave Robert’s body. Smell it, too, he realised now that the subtle note of worry was gone.

Robert turned to Craig and though he didn’t say anything, Craig could read the gratitude in his eyes. Smiling, he clasped Robert’s shoulder and shook his head, no need to thank me, man.

Briar and Hazel were keeping their distance, shuffling on their feet as if they wanted to say something but didn’t know if they should or could, while River continued playing with Arnold, who had a few teeth marks thanks to Betsy roughhousing with him. River didn’t seem to mind at all, nor did she seem bothered by the drool. Craig raised his eyebrow at his twins; they lasted half a minute before cracking. “Can we say goodbye to Betsy, Mister Small?”

The surprise crossing Robert’s face was gone as quickly as it had come. He set Betsy down and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He watched the girls sternly as they gave Betsy a few belly rubs and ear scratches, expression as serious and broody as always, but with a softness to it that Craig thought suited him well. After the twins were done with her, Betsy trotted back over to River and nudged her with her snout. The baby gurgled and wrapped her arms around the dog, who had surprising patience even though half of River’s pats landed on her eyes instead of her head.

“She’s got the patience of a saint.”

Robert huffed. “She’s a trained hunting dog. Patience was the first thing I taught her.” Suddenly, he looked down at his feet. Craig had never seen him so unsure and didn’t even think before he squeezed Robert’s shoulder again. The other man startled, but didn’t push the hand off. He cleared his throat to get the girls’ attention. “If you… if you want you can… look after her next time I’m gone.”

“Really?” Craig asked, but his question was drowned out by the twins’ cries of yes. Even River waved her arms about excitedly and gurgled.

“Thank you, Mister Small!”

Robert acknowledged them with a short nod and a small smile Craig was certain he didn’t even notice himself. He picked Betsy up again and stood there awkwardly. Craig wet his lips. “Hey, girls, could you feed River real quick? Mister Small and I have adult business to talk about.” He waited until the three were gone before turning back to Robert. “You didn’t have to offer that just because it made them happy.” Robert stared at him without blinking, which made Craig want to bear his throat at the same time as he wanted to stare back and see who caved first. “I mean…”

“I get it, kid.” Robert lowered his gaze. “I wanted to. How much do I owe you?”

“Huh?”

Robert rolled his eyes. “For the food and all.”

Craig blinked, then shook his head. “Nothing, bro. I’ll just keep it until your next trip.” Robert was staring at him again. “Really, you owe me nothing.”

Robert’s frown caused something inside of Craig to ache painfully. He looked so disbelieving and surprised, a little suspicious too. “Okay,” Robert eventually said. “Well. I better get going. See ya, kid.”

Craig watched him leave, absently rubbing his chest where his heart was.

-----------------

<I need your opinion on something>

From Robert: <shoot first ask questions later>

<what>

From Robert: <just remember that>

From Robert: <what is it>

<I found these cute onesies online but I can’t decide which one to pick>

From Robert: <…>

From Robert: <are u serious?>

From Robert: <why are you asking me that>

From Robert: <go ask sammie boy>

<can’t he’s out>

From Robert: <u woke me up just to pick out a onesie?>

<it’s four in the afternoon bro>

From Robert: <middle of the night for me>

From Robert: <I’m gonna wake u up at 3am see how you like it>

<sorry bro but one of them says I’m being raised by wolves!!>

<robert?>

<robert>

-----------------

From Robert: <u still looking for onesies>

<shit, man, where you been? you were offline for ten days or so>

From Robert: < http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/little-wolf-infant-toddler-costume-bc-801444b.jpg?zm=1600,1600,1,0,0 >

-----------------

From Robert: <I just pissed on joseph’s house>

From Robert: <I just pissed on joseph’s house>

From Robert: <didn’t mean to send it twice>

From Robert: <I just pissed on joseph’s house>

From Robert: <third time was on purpose>

From Robert: <don’t do this at home kids>

From Robert: <or someone else’s>

From Robert: <unless they’re a dick>

<how drunk were you last night>

From Robert: <I wasn’t>

<dude did you read through what you sent me. You totally were drunk>

From Robert: < https://media1.tenor.com/images/bbcf50e44a3cdca2c660bfb5a9ea4bc9/tenor.gif?itemid=7516900 >

<what is this from>

From Robert: <I don’t know>

   <why did you send it to me?>

From Robert: <it’s a meme>

<a what>

From Robert: <oh my god>

-----------------

<I think brian’s dog doesn’t like me anymore. He barked at me and hunted me down to my house>

From Robert: <should have barked back>

<Robert! Where you been all day, dude?>

From Robert: <hunting a nuckelavee>

<a what now>

From Robert: <a nuckelavee>

From Robert: <it’s a demon>

From Robert: <lives in the water>

From Robert: <has a horse body and on top of that half a human>

From Robert: <the upper half>

From Robert: <pervert>

<never heard of it. you get it?>

From Robert: <they don’t exist, kale>

From Robert: <they aren’t real>

From Robert: <you really need a lesson in cryptozoology>

From Robert: <give me five>

<wait, why?>

From Robert: <i literally just said why>

From Robert: <pay attention craigory>

<but it’s almost midnight>

From Robert: <so?>

From Robert: <don’t tell me it’s past your bedtime already>

<i have to get up early tomorrow>

From Robert: <tomorrow’s saturday>

From Robert: <no>

From Robert: <no>

From Robert: <you’re not going to get up at ass-o’-clock on a saturday morning to go on a run>

<i’m pretty sure I am, bro>

From Robert: <not on my watch>

<I can’t see how you can stop me, dude. Unless you physically lie down on top of me wink face!>

From Robert: <did you just say wink face>

From Robert: <you didn’t>

From Robert: <you totally did>

<um, yeah? why?>

From Robert: <use the damn emoji, kid, what the hell>

From Robert: <who writes out an emoji>

<i don’t know how to use them>

From Robert: <of course you don’t>

From Robert: <im coming over>

-----------------

“So,” Sam says, looking at Craig over the menu of the diner they always went to after their Wednesday run. “You’ve been staring at your phone for quite some time. Is anything wrong? The girls? The softball team? The gym? Work? Smashley? Another one of your many obligations?”

“Nah, bro.” Craig waved dismissively. “I’m just texting Robert.”

Sam’s eyebrow shot up. “Robert? You mean the dark and broody, scruffy neighbour living next to the Christiansens? That Robert? Why?”

“What do you mean, why?” Craig lowered his menu and fixed Sam with a confused look.

“You’re, well…” Sam gesticulates, but Craig only looks at him even more confused. “The two of you are polar opposites. I just didn’t expect you to get along so well.” Me neither. “How did that happen?”

Craig shrugged and rubbed the back of his head. “I don’t know, honestly? After I tripped on my jog and he helped me get home and all we kind of started ‘talking’. His humour is really great, more so during boring business meetings, once you get used to it. I was kind of put off by his hobby at first but now that I know more about it, it’s kind of fascinating.”

Sam hummed. “Well, if anyone can get you to relax, it’s got to be the guy who wakes up at five in the afternoon. Remember how we once slept for twenty hours after finals week?”

“Oh god, don’t remind me.” Craig laughed. “I still don’t know how we survived that much caffeine and sugar.”

-----------------

From Robert: <craig>

From Robert: <craig>

From Robert: <kid>

From Robert: <craigory>

From Robert: <kale>

From Robert: <kale>

From Robert: <pup>

<jesus robert I’m in a meeting what’s wrong? Are you injured? Do you need help?>

From Robert: <look what I found online>

From Robert: < https://img.memecdn.com/arewolf-werewolf-havebeenwolf_o_4163049.jpg >

<really?>

 -----------------

<why weren’t you at the barbecue today?>

From Robert: <I was busy>

From Robert: <why>

From Robert: <you miss me?>

<shut up. Are you coming to the next?>

From Robert: <why should I>

<because I asked you to, bro?>

From Robert: <fine. If you bring me booze>

-----------------

From Robert: <and when I say booze, I don’t mean beer>

From Robert: <if you bring me a beer again>

From Robert: <I’ll burn down your magnolias>

-----------------

<they’re chrysanthemums, bro!>

-----------------

From Robert: <do you really have to jog through the neighbourhood half-naked?>

<I didn’t. I wore a tank-top.>

From Robert: <that flimsy excuse for a shirt doesn’t count>

From Robert: <it barely covered anything>

From Robert: <it certainly didn’t cover the bite>

<were you watching me bro? ;)>

From Robert: <I show him how to use emojis and he uses them against me>

From Robert: <that’s the thanks I get>

From Robert: <life is cruel>

<you’re avoiding the question dude>

<it was eleven am. I thought you never get up before four? Why were you awake anyway?>

<robert?>

<it’s none of my business bro, just ignore my question>

<robert?>

From Robert: <I had reasons>

<good enough for me. So, did you just happen to look out of the window and see me jog by?>

From Robert: <I was watching the neighbourhood>

From Robert: <looking for a cryptid>

<what’s it look like?>

From Robert: <it’s human-sized>

From Robert: <only a little bit smaller than me, if it walks upright>

From Robert: <restless>

From Robert: <incredibly strong>

From Robert: <some say it’s blood is green>

From Robert: <it rarely attacks but when it does, it only goes after healthy ones>

From Robert: <it doesn’t like fat>

From Robert: <cryptids of that species usually always carry its young but this one didn’t>

<is it dangerous?>

<robert?>

From Robert: <I just said it rarely attacks>

<why look for it then, bro? shouldn’t you search for the scary ones, like wendigos?>

From Robert: <hey>

From Robert: <look at that>

From Robert: <kale paid attention during my lessons>

<I wanted to pass the end-of-term exam without having to beg the teacher for extra credit>

From Robert: <damn>

From Robert: <I already had great ideas for shit I could make you do>

From Robert: <you’re a spoilsport>

<sorry, bro>

<shoot, I’ve got to go to work. talk to you later bro!>

-----------------

From Robert: <hey>

From Robert: <hey>

From Robert: <hey craig>

From Robert: <pup>

From Robert: <come outside>

From Robert: <don’t make me honk>

From Robert: <I will honk>

From Robert: <honking in three>

From Robert: <two>

From Robert: <one>

<give me three minutes to get dressed>

From Robert: <if it’s up to me you might as well come out naked>

<I’m not naked>

From Robert: <I know>

Craig looked up from his phone and narrowed his eyes. A bright line came from somewhere outside the house and shone right through the curtain in front of the bedroom window. Craig pulled it aside and Robert waved at him from where he was perched on the hood of his old truck. Blinking against the light, Craig waved back and then pulled the curtain back, even though Robert could apparently see through it anyway.

He reached for the first shirt he could find and pulled on some pants, stumbling through the house as he tried to put on his shoes at the same time as his jacket. His muscles still seemed to remember the many times he had to do that in college, since he made it, more or less unscathed, to the front door. Robert put out his cigarette when he saw Craig and squished it under his shoe. Wordlessly, the older man jumped into his car, so Craig followed suit.

Maybe he should have asked what they were doing, where Robert was driving him, but the silence that fell on them was comfortable. After the stressful last days, packed with work, training, caring for River who caught a cold before Smash picked her and the twins up, and juggling extra hours to make up for the three days he was going to take off for full moon, silence felt heavenly.

Without even realising it, he dozed off and awoke to Robert shaking his shoulder. The hand lingered, even after Craig blinked up at him sleepily, and the warmth that seeped through the fabric of Craig’s jacket and shirt caused some of the tension in his body to melt away. Robert jerked his head and Craig unbuckled his seatbelt, joining the older man out in the cold. Before, it would have been too cold to be outside in the middle of the night, even with a jacket on, but his blood ran warmer now, so he was only shivering lightly as he followed Robert, walking around the car. He had no idea where they were, only saw the trees in front of the truck and assumed they were somewhere near the forest.

Never would he have expected the sight that presented itself to him now. Maple Bay lay below them, an ocean of lights that spread out all the way to the mountains in the distance, which were only vague shapes in the darkness. In the distance, he could see the light tower with its rotating light and above them stood the moon, nearly full, half-hidden behind a few clouds. Craig stepped into the half-circle made by the truck’s taillights and took in the scene in front of him.

Robert walked up next to him. “This is where I come to masturbate.”

Craig’s head whipped around so fast he nearly got whiplash. His face must have shown his bewilderment, because Robert broke out into laughter, laughing so hard he bent over and braced himself on his knees. Craig spluttered. “Hey, man, that’s not cool. I was enjoying the scenery and you had to go and ruin the mood.”

Far from looking sorry, Robert held up his hands and grinned. “You should have seen your face, kid. I wish I had taken a picture.” He gestured backwards to the bed of the truck and after a few moments of shaking his head fondly, Craig joined him. Robert had covered the metal with a blanket, making it at least somewhat comfortable.

Craig crossed his arms behind his head and looked up into the night sky. He watched the clouds pass above them, tried counting the stars and made it to 145 before he gave up, listened to the breeze as it rattled the leaves of the trees and said goodnight to the owners of every house whose lights turned off. Neither he nor Robert said anything. Robert, he knew, didn’t like small talk and Craig enjoyed not having to engage in it for once immensely. Up here, it almost felt like none of his worries could reach him. Work, the softball team, workout plans and sick children, all of that lay below, somewhere in between the many lights and dark, shadowy buildings. Even his phone was quiet, for once. And somehow, he didn’t feel the urge to check it every five minutes.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see Robert watching him. Craig turned his head to look back; Robert didn’t as much as blink even though he’d been caught. They stared in each other’s eyes for a few moments. Then Craig broke the silence. “Why did you bring me here, dude?”

Robert didn’t reply right away. He averted his gaze and fixed it on the waves in the distance. The moon, no longer hidden, illuminated his face and made his eyes shine. “Sam showed up at my door,” Robert eventually said. “Told me you’re stressed even more than you normally are which is a miracle, frankly, because I thought that would be impossible to accomplish. He asked me to try and help you relax. So, here we are.” Robert shrugged.

“You brought me here because Sam told you to?”

The older man snorted. “Please, as if Sam could make anyone do something they don’t want to do. The kid doesn’t have it in him.”

“Then why did you listen to him?”

Robert turned to look at him again. Craig shivered under his gaze. “Because he’s right, you’re stressed. You’re wound so tight you’re going to fly next time you fucking fart.” He held up a hand and Craig snapped his mouth shut again. “Look, I get it. Full moon’s soon. I can feel it in my bones, in my blood, and I remember how it was, back when I was new to the whole thing. Like you’re going to snap and it takes all your self-control to keep from ripping someone’s head off.” The corners of his mouth twitch at Craig’s confused expression. “Not like that for you? Must have been just me, then. But, jokes aside. Going into your first shift so fucking anxious and tense won’t do you good. It’ll make for one hell of a twitchy wolf and I didn’t plan on keeping you pinned to the ground the whole fucking time.”

Just hearing Robert talk about full moon, about shifting into a wolf, as if it was nothing out of the ordinary set Craig’s nerves on fire. He sucked his lower lip between his teeth and sat up, nervously rubbing his leg through his trousers.

“You going to have a panic attack, kid?”

Craig automatically shook his head, even though breathing had become painful. He hears the rustle of fabric, then Robert wraps his arm around Craig’s shoulders and shifts closer, until their thighs are pressed together. Somehow, the proximity made the knot in Craig’s throat uncurl. He took a few deep breaths and watched them rise to the sky as he exhaled. Apparently satisfied, Robert dropped his arm, but he didn’t move away again. Craig tried not to read too much into the way it made his heart skip a beat.

“You get them often?” Craig turned his head and raised a questioning eyebrow. Robert made a gesture with his hand. “Panic attacks.”

“Used to get them regularly during college, whenever my grades dipped so low, they didn’t as much brush the border between passed but barely and failed, they crashed on it head-first. After I got my act together, it only got worse.” Craig shook his head. “Took a while until I got it under control. Breathing exercises help.”

Robert didn’t say anything for some time and Craig stared at the city in front of them, trying not to think about those days too much. But then Robert broke the silence again. “What are you afraid of, kid?”

“Pardon?”

Robert gestured towards him. “You’re scared. You keep on pushing yourself over the edge. Why? What do you think’ll happen if you stop?”

Craig clutched his hands to fists and stared down into his lap. “I’m not scared. I’m just an ambitious person and a bit of a workaholic.”

Robert snorted. “You’re a shitty liar, Craig. You can’t lie to the biggest liar in all of fucking Maine. Trust me, I’ve tried.” There was a pause. “Look at me, kid.” Despite himself, Craig looked up, meeting Robert’s eyes. “What are you afraid of?”

Instead of answering, Craig averted his gaze and fixed it on one of the many blurred, dark shades in the distance. If he focused long enough, he might have started seeing schemes in them, the demons in his head. “I’m-“ Craig wet his lips. “I’m scared of falling back into my old habits. I was a mess. I didn’t care about anything but partying and having fun. I ate junk food, if I ate at all, I drank more alcohol than was healthy, and I slacked on all my chores. I worked hard to turn my life around and get my shit together, to give my girls a good life, but… I’m scared that if I stop, if I relax even once, then-“ He exhaled sharply and absently rubbed his shoulders. “And even when Sam or you force me to sit down and put my feet up, I feel like…”

“Like you don’t deserve it.”

Craig’s head snapped up. Robert was looking at the ocean and the moonlight did nothing to hide the sorrow and pain in his expression. Craig tried to think of words of protest, but even if he had found any, it would be useless, shallow. He looked away from Robert again and started chewing on a fingernail nervously.

“Look, I’m not going to claim I’m the best at giving life advice. My life’s a lot shittier than yours was in college.” Robert shifted next to him, bumping their shoulders together. “But your life? It’s not going to crumble just because you take a day off every now and then. You’ve got great girls, your ex is still in the picture, you’ve got your own business and you’re in great shape. None of that is going to break apart just like that.”

Craig shook his head with a sigh. “I know. I know all that, it’s just-“

“Ever thought about smoking?” At Craig’s incredulous look, Robert shrugged. “Nicotine’s calming.”

“And deadly.”

“Not anymore, kid. You could smoke four fucking packs at once and wouldn’t get lung cancer. Same with alcohol.”

“Explains why you’re still alive.” The sentence’s out before Craig’s brain could filter his mouth. He tensed, a chorus of shit went through his head, and he opened his mouth to apologise, but Robert giggling stopped him short in his tracks.

Robert Small. Giggling. Craig’s mind kind of short-circuited.

“I’m rubbing off on you, pup.” Robert elbowed Craig’s side and grinned. “Didn’t know you could be funny.”

“Hey, I make jokes all the time.”

Robert rolled his eyes and nudged Craig until he was lying down again. “You call those jokes? You really need a lesson in comedy.” He lay down as well, close enough for their sides to be pressed together, fingers brushing.

“That comes from the man whose humour is so dry and serious, 95% of the time no one can tell whether he’s serious or not.”

The older man propped himself up with his arm and turned on his side to look at him. “I'm so many levels of irony deep that I've forgotten what humour is. You’ll get there in time. Now, go fucking relax. Didn’t bring you here for a stand-up routine. And try not to panic about nothing. You don’t have to keep on running.”

Obediently, Craig resumed his previous position and continued gazing at the city beneath them. At some point, Robert pulled out a knife and began working on a piece of wood. It’s the most relaxed Craig felt in a very long while.

-----------------

From Robert: <you ready?>

<no>

From Robert: <I didn’t ask about your anxiety>

From Robert: <or whether you feel ready>

From Robert: <work?>

<knows I can’t be reached the next three days>

From Robert: <your kids?>

<Smashley picked them up two days ago. They’re going to her parents>

From Robert: <why’s your ex called Smashley anyway>

<her name’s Ashley>

From Robert: <oh really>

From Robert: <never would have guessed>

From Robert: <thanks, sherlock>

<there are two versions of the story behind her nickname. The first: she got so drunk during a party as a sophomore once, she smashed three windows and kicked down a wall on a dare.>

From Robert: <the second?>

<had a reputation for announcing her sexual encounters the morning after by shouting ‘Just smashed’ out of the window.>

From Robert: <which one’s true?>

<neither. She accidentally got involved with a drug ring thanks to her former best friend and helped the police>

<well>

<smash it>

From Robert: <you’re bullshitting me>

<yeah, okay, you caught me. I’m just kidding>

From Robert: <don’t you dare>

From Robert: <don’t you fucking dare craigory>

<or am I>

From Robert: <fuck you kale>

[atsooshis]

OK SO about holly introducing terell to alvar as her boyfriend

when terrell asked her to be his girlfriend, holly started crying so bad terell spent 2 hours holding her (also crying but he wouldnt admit it) just laughing at her because he's so happy, she's also happy but she's not laughing she jusf. she's just that happy she can't TALK AT ALL

when terell told his parents about their new relationship his dad just laughed and gave him a thumbs up and since holly has been with him since childhood he had no problem about it and was very happy about it. his mom, being the same asshole as her son, constantly teases him about it and asked holly "how much did he pay you to do this lolololol" and holly's laughing too "he gave me 5 bucks it's a downpayment" and terell's just. fuckin yelling. "I GAVE YOU A FUCKING PROMISE RING YOU BRAT" and then their very first lovers quarrell ensues (terell ends up apologizing, kneeling on the floor in front of her with her cheeks puffed. mama sullivan was crying and laughing and papa sullivan was beyond mad about his son's behaviour)

then it was finally time to tell alvar the news. alvar has met terell, but he wasn't too fond of the kid as holly's friend because terell is a huge asshole (mostly because he didn't know how to act around holly, and holly's just ":)! terell gave me his scarf today" he actually almost choked her after throwing it on her) alvar thinks terell's a bad influence for his sister and will do no good for her but he can't do jackshit because. holly's tied to the sullivan family thanks to their dad's friendship and gratitude to them.

anyways it takes months before they can tell alvar- he couldn't visit anyway because the guy's busy taking care of kids thanks to his head guardian angel duties and all the while terell's asking "when are we going to tell him" and holly's just. laughs for a bit and changes the subject.

when alvar contacts them about visiting, holly squeaks "WE'RE TELLING HIM" and terell is just ????okay sweetheart because he doesn't know alvar hates his guts.

so when the time comes around holly's holding-- GRIPPING terell's hands, a wing covering his face (both her wings are upright from hef anxiety) and she's shaking as heck because she knows alvar's opinion towards her boyfriend. when alvar arrives by train, she greets him. alvar's just. :)?? sis what's that behind your wing?

and holly's fuckin shaking and it goes

"k-- kuya this is my, boyfriend," while she's shaking and terell just grips her hand back going "honey you're shaking"

alvar's just. "?? holly i can't see him" and he asks her to fold her wings but she cant so she prods her wings away. he sees terell's fucking face (a real, sincere smile) and he waves hi to alvar.

alvar cant fucking say a word but his immediate reaction was agitation. his wings are prodded up anf he looks like a fucking agitated owl that holly nearly dies from shock and terell's just "???? holly is he okay?" before alvar goes on a stomping rant in the middle of a station where onlookers are watching an almost skeletal angel rant about how much of an asshole his half-sister's boyfriend is while holly's mortified and nearly in tears and terell's just. "oh...." and is purely hurt

holly manages to stop her brother's rang after she starts bawling in the station

[mwaids]

when your down just remember I went on a hike to stay fit to impress my crush and got a huge ass poison oak rash on my neck.

[kisskissimgay-blog]

iiiii am so uncomfortable and i an shaking and oh my god so this lady comes up to me cuz the other register at the front was busy and she tells me that her little kid (looked to be like fuckin 2) erased the challboard message we had up and the little kid was literally barely holding on and on the verge of tears and the mom was like absolutely furious at her but the way she said that her kid did that was so like, lividly furious and quiet and accusatory and i was so uncomfortable and i felt so bad for that kid and i remember exactly how that feels to be talked to like that and the whole situation made me feel like the lady was talking to Me like that and jusf oh my god i am shakijg and it's hard to type what the fuck lady i told my manager and he was like wtf it's judt chalk thats no big deal , an i agree erasing a chall thing cuz youre fuking 2 years old isnt a reason to humiliate your fuckin toddler and make her cry i am so yncomfortable and upset and i know exactly how that kid feels and im so close to the verge of an empathetic freakout that i'm abt to start dissociating i cna feel it coming on why cant people treat kids with love and respect and understnas that if theyre fuking 2 then theyre not going to Know that they shouldnt erase a chalk sign, like it looks coo and it goes away when you put your hand over it and it feels cool and can this lady just chill for two godsamn fucking seconds i have not been this vividly uncomfortable and upset in a long time she didnt know she Didnt Know dont fucking do that to that kid