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presleypictures · 2 years ago

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Vernon Presley's interview with Good Housekeeping, January 1978 (Part 1)

First of all, I want to say that telling this story is going to be difficult now that Elvis is gone. Those of you who have lost loved ones, who have suffered what I am suffering now will understand what I mean.

Elvis' death was so sudden that it will be years before I'll be able to accept the fact that it really happened.

Yet, even while grieving I've been greatly comforted by the thousands of fans who loved Elvis and who have expressed their sympathy. They know they'll never see him perform again, but they'll cherish always the memory of the pleasure he gave them - as will I. My love for my son began even before he was born on January 8, 1935. At that time there was almost nobody poorer than my wife Gladys and me. But we were thrilled and excited when we learned that we were going to be parents. I was only 18 years old, but throughout Gladys' pregnancy, it never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to take care of her and the baby. Elvis' birth was long and difficult for my wife, and as her labor pains went on and on, I grew frantic.

My parents were at our house with us, along with two, women, one a midwife, who told us when it was time to call the doctor. After what seemed to me an eternity, a baby boy was born - - dead. I was desolate at the loss of our child. But then my father put his hand on my wife's stomach and announced, 'Vernon, there's another baby here?' At the time Elvis was born, medicine hadn't advanced far enough for a doctor to predict twins, so his arrival took us completely by surprise. Our little boys looked something alike, but I don't think they were identical twins. Even though the elder one was dead, we named him Jesse for my father; the younger one we called Elvis, for me, since Elvis is my middle name. We chose the middle names of Garon for Jesse and Aron for Elvis because we knew a couple whose twin sons had those names.

Of course, Elvis and I both wondered, over the years, whether his life would have been drastically different had his brother lived. I've concluded that it wouldn't have been, because I believe Elvis' career and contribution to the world were fated from the ﬁrst. For during his early life, certain things happened which convinced me that God had given my wife and me a very special child for whom He had some very special plans.

Gladys and I were so proud of Elvis and enjoyed him so much that we immediately wanted more children. But, for reasons no doctor could understand, we had none. While Elvis grew from infant to toddler to lively little boy, we consulted doctors about our failure to have another child. We prayed about it, too. There was no medical reason why my wife didn't conceive again, but she didn't.

When Elvis was about ten years old, the reason was revealed very clearly to me in a way that I can't explain - l can only say that God spoke to my heart and told me that Elvis was the only child we'd ever have and the only child we'd ever need. Elvis was a special gift who would ﬁll our lives completely. Without little Jesse who was born dead, without the other children we'd hoped to have, we understood that we were an extraordinarily complete family circle. As soon as I realized that Elvis was meant to be an only child, I felt as though a burden was lifted. I never again wondered why we didn't have additional sons and daughters. It's hard to describe the feelings Elvis, his mother and I had for each other. Though we had friends and relatives, including my parents, the three of us formed our own private world. Elvis was a good child who seldom gave us trouble. I did spank him a few times, but now that I think back, I believe it was for nothing.

I was a deacon in the Assembly of God Church in East Tupelo and used to take Elvis to church with me every Sunday. Later, after we moved to Memphis, he was baptized into my church, yet neither the Assembly of God nor any denomination ever owned him completely.

Elvis grew up very close to his mother. He used to call her by a pet name, 'Baby'. He was also close to me so that we had a wonderful, balanced family relationship. I didn't choose a goal for him and then shove him in that direction. Some fathers want their sons to be football players or lawyers or whatever. I only wanted Elvis to do what made him happy.

When he was a boy, I asked him to go hunting with me, but when he answered, 'Daddy, I don't want to kill birds', I didn't try to persuade him to go against his feelings.

There was a terrible day when Elvis was about six years old. He had developed acute tonsilitis with such high fever, he was on the verge of convulsions. Gladys and I were afraid that we were going to lose him. Even our doctor admitted that it was hopeless. 'I can't do anything else', he told us. 'Maybe you should call another doctor'. That, in effect, is what we did, because my wife and I turned in prayer to the greatest healer of all, God. I do believe in prayer. I do believe in miracles, so that day I prayed to God that He would miraculously heal our child. My wife and‘ I prayed together and separately, and by that night, I could see that Elvis was better. God had worked the miracle we'd asked for, again reassuring me that our son's life was special.

I don't mean that I knew that Elvis was going to be famous, because at that time the idea never crossed my mind. A person doesn't have to be a singer or a movie star or a president to ﬁll an important role in the world. He can be a truck driver or a farmer or anything else and make his contribution. I only knew that Elvis had a contribution to make one way or another, that the Lord seemed to have His hand on him.

The writer of an ugly, untruthful book about Elvis said on TV that we Presleys were nothing but poor white trash. Well, I want to answer that right here, because his comment riled the whole state of Mississippi.

Poor we were, I'll never deny that. But trash we weren't. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure what 'trash' is. There were times we had nothing to eat but cornbread and water. But we always had compassion for people. When I was growing up, we never had any prejudice. We never put anybody down. Neither did Elvis.

About the time Elvis reached his teens, we all moved to Memphis. Elvis may have hated to go off and leave his Mississippi friends but, if he did, he didn't say anything to me about it. He was a good son.

Gladys and I trusted him so completely that we'd go to a movie and let him have friends over for a party while we were gone. I expect there was some beer drinking that went on, but that's about as wild as it got.

To tell you the truth, Elvis never did drink a lot. Although, once he about killed himself drinking peach brandy. He got a bottle and it tasted so good that he drank a little more and a little more until he'd drunk too much.

But he was never a heavy drinker.

Even after Elvis was in high school, we continued to be such a close family that he didn't spend a night away from home until he was 17 years old. Then my wife and I phoned all night to be sure he was all right.

#a real lovely and interesting interview #pls dont take all your info from the movie!!#elvis #elvis presley #elvis history #elvis presley history #music history #king of rock n roll #vernon presley #elvis interview #elvis presley interview #elvis aaron presley #gladys presley

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intotheabyssofunknown · 2 years ago

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Chatgpt is a much better writer than dear Hino :

New VK Ending

User

If you could give a different ending to vampire knight, then what would that ending be ?

ChatGPT

If I were to provide a different ending for "Vampire Knight," it would go as follows:

In this alternate ending, Yuki Cross faces a difficult decision regarding her love for both Zero Kiryu and Kaname Kuran. After many internal struggles and external conflicts, she realizes that neither of them is the right choice for her. Instead, she chooses to prioritize her own personal growth and happiness.

Yuki embarks on a journey of self-discovery, focusing on her role as the guardian of the Cross Academy and the coexistence between humans and vampires. She becomes a symbol of unity and understanding, working tirelessly to bridge the gap between the two species.

Meanwhile, Zero and Kaname acknowledge the depth of their love for Yuki but come to accept that her happiness lies in her independence. Zero finds solace in protecting the Academy and the fragile peace it represents, eventually finding companionship with another student who understands his struggles and supports his cause.

Kaname, burdened by his dark past, dedicates himself to creating a world where vampires can coexist harmoniously with humans. He uses his power and influence to establish new policies that ensure equality and protection for all beings.

In this ending, Yuki, Zero, and Kaname all grow individually, finding their purpose and contributing positively to their respective communities. They cherish the memories they shared and understand that their paths diverged for the greater good. The story ends on a hopeful note, emphasizing the importance of personal growth, forgiveness, and the ability to move forward in life.

This alternative ending offers a more empowering conclusion, focusing on personal development and the collective betterment of society rather than a traditional romantic resolution. It leaves room for the characters to find happiness and fulfillment in their own unique ways, while still honoring the themes of the series.

#i very much like this ending by chatgpt #Thankfully no traditional romantic solution

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comfibunn · 2 years ago

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Autism and Grief | CW, family/pet death, mention of isolation & melt-down

I've noticed that I have sort of weird reactions to grief, and I think part of it may rely on the possibility that I'm autistic. I remember when my great-grandmother passed away. I was probably just about 10 at the time, maybe younger. My parents broke the news to me, but I never cried. What I did do was sit in the cocoon of a mattress topper pressed against my bedroom wall. I felt safer in there, and in there, I could understand myself better. I was curious why I wasn't crying - I thought I would, that it would be the appropriate reaction. Instead, I worldlessly isolated myself for a day before moving on entirely. When my pets passed away, I would mourn them the night of their passing. The next day, however, it would be as if nothing had happened.

My grandfather was cherished in my family. He was the sweetest man - large, round, ever-joyful. Our personal Santa Claus. I knew nothing else but that I loved him and that he loved sci-fi movies. When he passed, it was expected, and again, I did not cry. I mourned him, and I cared, but the tears didn't come until days later, when I realized I would never hear his laugh again.

Today, my grandmother, my mimi, will be taken off of life support. When I was told this yesterday, it was amidst other stressors, and I could not stop the meltdown that was to come. I raked my hands through my hair, I hit my head against the wall, and I lay on the ground with my breath held until my world turned to hues of purple and black. I sat wordlessly for two hours until my best friend came to support me.

Today, I woke up knowing what was to come and feeling nothing. I care deeply for this woman - she contributed immensely to my personhood. Without her, I would not know southern manners, I would not be the one who is strong enough to carry in all of the groceries at once, I would not have a deep love for mystery and horror. Without her, I would have suffered even more isolation than I did. She was callous and strict, but she loved me. And I love her.

So I sit, reading article after article and watching video after video on the way other autistics experience grief. I wonder if I'm doing it right. I am told the best route to healthy grief is through self-acceptance.

I still subconsciously believe my grandfather is not gone, just states away. I continue to place this distance between myself and death, and hope I am not seen as having flagrant disregard for my family. I just experience grief differently.

#bunntalks #autism #ASD #cw family death

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ncisla-westaytogether · 2 years ago

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I’m too emotionally dependent on this show to say a simple good-bye.

Most immediate thought is, I hope it ends properly. I hope they have enough time to write a proper finale to the series, to give the team and the characters the closure they deserve. I say this with a heavy heart. I hope it comes to an end that fits the show, as it has been running for 14 years and it has always delivered its best on writing, acting and producing. It has never let us down.

Then when it all comes down, when I realize what’s happening, my heart shatters. It shatters with happiness and also with pain. Pain because what I consider my safe place, my shelter and my comfort zone will disappear. I won’t make special plans on Sundays to watch the show, I won’t check on spoilers, previews or leave a review, I won’t read the wonderful fanfiction and drabbles you all write or comment a certain scene. Still I hope this fandom continues to cherish the show. I will.

Happiness because it happened. I have known beautiful people with beautiful souls that have made a big impact in my life, people I will never forget. They have made me feel surrounded when I was alone, gave me strength and shared my joy. I have learnt so much, I have experienced such a wonderful world with these characters; I have loved them, cherished them, supported them and also cried with them. It been 14 years, from the very first episode. I look back and find so many good memories, as for the show and for the people I have known: actors, writers and of course all the fandom.

It will be hard to let go this show, I have so much to say but it feels a bit overwhelming in this moment. I just want to say, right now, THANK YOU. For everything you gave me, for everything you made me feel, for everyone I have known and for everything they contributed to my life. It’s been the best ride I’ve ever had, I’m so happy I made it with you and I’m so happy it happened.

WOAH.

#NCISLA #I'm crying so much #I'm sorry for this but my heart is super sad

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mysterystarz · 4 years ago

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serendipity:

summary: sometimes you didn't have to look for good things to find them

pairing: iwaizumi hajime x g!n reader

word count: 0.9k

genres + themes: fluff, meet-cute, wedding au (it's your best friends' wedding)

warnings: mild swearing, mentions of exhaustion, iwaizumi being hot

a/n: happy birthday to one of the loves of my life! of course, here is my contribution to the iwaizumi hajime birthday fanclub, so I hope you enjoy this serendipitous rendezvous with iwaizumi too!

You’d be more excited if you weren’t exhausted.

The venue of your best friend’s wedding was something straight out of a fairytale, the pale string lights casting an almost ethereal glow on the guests and halls of the area. It was furnished with the cutest tables, and the music that drifted through the space provided an air of nostalgia that you knew the happy couple would come to cherish for years.

You really wanted to be more excited. After all, your best friend had practically jumped at the chance to invite you to the wedding and place you as an honored guest.

You just couldn’t control the circumstances. Everything would have been okay if you had been able to get a proper night's sleep, or hadn’t had to worry about the deadlines that were imposed on you.

You loved your best friend. You were glad that she was going to live the rest of her life with the beautiful man that was her partner, a man that would treat her well and make sure that she’d always be happy.

You wished you could find someone like that.

“A penny for your thoughts?” A deep voice had chuckled behind you. Turning around, you found yourself staring at a man who might as well have been a greek god.

You were too fatigued to go into detail, but from your point of view, you saw the way his green eyes were filled with raw amusement, and the way his muscles were defined nicely beneath his tux.

Oh crap. Hot guy.

“You’d have to pay me more than that to hear them,” You drawled, taking a sip of the juice that sat in your cup. “Or you could tell me who you are.”

“Introductions are a bit overrated in a wedding setting, don’t you think?” The man pulled over a chair before joining you at the table. “If you’re worried I’m going to judge you, then you don’t have to worry about that. I have friends who’ve said some crazier things.”

“Well, what do you get out of the atmosphere?” You decided to question, sitting up straight in your chair. You could identify his features far more clearly now, from the structured nose to the chiseled jawline.

Yup. Still hot. He’s hot as fuck.

“I’m guessing it’s the type where we should feel excited, and yet we can’t for some reason.” He grinned, taking a sip of a drink you had just noticed he was holding. “I feel the same. My best friend expects me to give him a personal speech later tonight, but I don’t have anything I can really say.”

“My friend expected the same. You’re here for the groom, aren’t you?” Looking to your right, you saw the way the couples danced throughout the room, mingling with your best friend, who beamed as if she had captured the sun.

“Yup. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, even if it meant having to sit aside like this.” He admitted, cracking his knuckles. “I’d ask you to come dance, but you seem like you need something strong.”

You nodded as you propped your chin up on your hand, looking into the amusement of the other guests. “Yeah, I might. Say, you’re the groom's friend. Why aren’t you having the time of your life out there?”

“Same reason as you.” Was all he said, face devoid of all emotion. “I know I’m supposed to be here, but feel like I’m some sort of a passerby, which also kind of sucks, considering that birthdays are supposed to be happy.”

You processed his statement, allowing your mind to wrap around his honest words and realized that sitting there miserable would not be what your friend would have wanted.

She would have wanted you to be happy.

You need to be happy.

He deserved to be happy too.

“Hey, how would you feel about ditching this to go grab some coffee?”

He gazed up at you, a full blown smile on his handsome face. “I know a cafe nearby.”

Not even thirty minutes later the two of you sat in one of the booths, sipping your drinks as the streetlights casted their glow onto the pavement of the road, the cars leisurely passing by in the clear night outside. The silence between the two of you was a welcome one, something wholesome and pure as you sipped your drinks.

“You mentioned that it was your birthday,” You smiled, passing your money to the cashier, “This one’s on me.”

“Oh, I can’t accept that!” He protested, “How can I pay you back?”

You smirked at the opportunity as you leaned a bit closer to him. “How about you tell me whom I should owe the pleasure of sharing a drink with?”

He grabbed your hand, brushing his lips softly over the back of it as he smiled back at you, eyes gleaming mischievously.

“Iwaizumi,” He said, “Iwaizumi Hajime.”

Perhaps ditching your friend’s wedding to hang out in a quaint cafe was all worth it, because it meant that you got to love and understand the man in front of you.

It also seemed that good things could come to you without you having to look for them.

Under the dim lights of the cafe and the light breeze that drifted in through the windows, you realized then and there, that Iwaizumi Hajime would forever be your good thing.

taglist: @moi-bunni @kousukii @stellar-jisung @kawaii-angelanne @iwasunshine @haikyuutothetop @catchmewiddershins @dearkousei @perqabeth

additional tags: @maizumis (i thought i'd tag you since it's an iwa fic hahaha :> ) @just-a-nekoma-stan (you wanted to read it spencer, so here it is!) @flushphoria (i'm helping you with your brainrot angie)

click here to join my taglist (if you're interested!)

reblogs are appreciated <3

#nova scribbles <3 #hq iwaizumi #iwaizumi x reader #hihqnetwork #iwaizumi hajime x you #iwaizumi hajime fluff #iwa chan #haikyuu iwaizumi #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi headcanons #iwaizumi oneshot

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mrsalwayswrite · 4 years ago

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Mine (Hvitserk x reader)

So this is my (first) contribution to @ofmanderley 300 followers celebration challenge! Congrats again! I’m so excited for you and thankful for the brilliant work you do.

I chose a gif set for my prompt that you can find here. Go check it out!

Warnings: none, this is pure cavity-inducing fluff.

Words: 1300

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius

(Note- this gif is not mine. It is apart of the gif set that I chose so all the credit goes to @ofmanderley)

The noon-day sun peered down between the thick clouds, creating pockets of light to shine through and warm the cold ground. Snow did not yet lay on the ground but the chill in the air fogged up one's breath in the early morning.

Mind swirling with thoughts of finalized preparations for winter, Hvitserk trekked towards the Great Hall. An intuitive feeling had him glance over towards the marketplace as he passed it…. only for his movement to abruptly cease. After a moment, he changed direction, strolling over to lean against a wooden post, half-hidden by the stall selling exotic spices.

The seller turned around soundlessly to look at him with a confused expression, probably wondering why one of the princes of Kattegat hid behind his stall. Hvitserk raised a finger and placed it over his smiling lips. The foreign man gave a single nod and turned back to the marketplace, calling out to those walking by in his thick accent.

Hvitserk's gaze returned back to what caught his eyes initially.

You.

Further down the marketplace, an elderly woman spoke animatedly to you from her stand. You gently touched the fabric she sold, making some comment that had both you and the elderly woman smiling. Passing her a coin, you chose one of the muted fabrics and slipped it into the basket hanging off your arm. With a final smile at the seller, you glided away, moving along the bustling marketplace.

No matter how many times Hvitserk's eyes feasted on you, it was never enough. Whenever you were around, he struggled to focus on anything other than you. His brothers teased him mercilessly about it but he did not care. You were worth it.

Especially now.

As you turned sideways to wave at someone calling your name, your belly bump became visible. Only within the past week had it suddenly appeared. It was as if your future child was trying to peek out at the world around them from behind your thick fur cloak already. Your bump constantly pushed aside the cloak no matter how many times you tried to cover it, revealing the life growing within your body.

Pushing off the post, Hvitserk stalked closer to you. He nodded to the few people who called out greetings but refused to let his pursuit be thwarted. Right now, you were his prey and he had every intention to catch you without hindrance.

Your leisurely amble slowed as you stopped at a different stand, admiring the furs laid out.

Sneaking up behind you, he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you back against his chest. "Hello, wife." He murmured into your ear.

You stiffened initially, but once he greeted you, your body melted into his embrace. "Hello, husband."

"And how are my two favorite people?"

"Good." You tipped your head to place a quick peck to his lips. "We missed you this morning. When did you leave?"

He hummed then stole another quick kiss before answering. "Early. You looked so peaceful; I didn't want to disturb you."

"Mmmm…. your child kept me up most of the night kicking."

Chuckling, he reached a hand down to touch your protruding belly. "Soon, my little Valkyrie, soon we will get to meet you. Now though, you need to give your mother peace."

With a nod at the seller, he turned you away from the stand. Holding hands, the two of you strolled through the marketplace.

"You still think it's a girl?" You asked, shifting the small basket in your other hand.

"I do."

"Why?"

"For how much she moves. She clearly has her mother's restless, fighting spirit." He answered as if it was obvious.

You laughed, drawing more than one set of eyes towards you at the beauty of the sound. Not that Hvitserk could blame them, you were always beautiful but when you laughed, Freyja herself must be jealous of your radiance.

"What does that say about me now? I feel like all I want to do is lay around in bed." You asked with such an adorable pout, he was half tempted to bite that lower lip right here without a care of onlookers.

"It means, my love, that you are putting energy into a different kind of fight. Besides with how much work it took to charm you into becoming my wife…." he lowered his head, whispering into your ear in a husky tone, "....I would prefer if you never left our bed."

You giggled, letting him steal another kiss as you continued to walk beside your beloved husband. "Well you might get your wish with how this child wears me out already. Are you not headed to meet with your brothers at this time?"

"I was, but I think I prefer to walk back home with you."

"That's sweet of you."

"Yes, you rest when we get back. Lay down and I'll give you a massage."

"Allowing you to massage me was what got me pregnant in the first place."

He smirked shamelessly. "It can't hurt to practice for our next child."

"If…." You pointed a finger at his smug face. "....if we have more children."

Snaking an arm around your waist, he dragged you into a desolate side alley. Though you pretended to protest, you willingly followed him. Standing there alone, he pulled you in, arms around your waist. Your arms automatically raised to lay around his neck, an action almost instinctive by now. Though this time, your belly bump certainly kept more space between you than either of you wanted.

That silly smirk still on his face, he looked down at you almost arrogantly. "Oh, I'm certain it's fated for us to have more."

"And why is that?" You stared up at him amused.

"You can't keep your hands off me."

Cocking your head to the side, he watched you attempt to suppress a smile. "That's not quite how I remember it."

He leaned in closer, mouth hovering just over yours, though his brown eyes remained focused on you. "Do I need to remind you? The claw marks down my back from last night are proof enough of that."

Gods, the way you bit your lower lip so innocently was enough to drive him wild, then when you peered up at him through your lashes, he was a goner every time.

"It's the fighting spirit you like so much." You teased back, tugging lightly on the ends of his braids.

"I do. Though if you didn't fight against my attention so much when I was chasing you, I would have appreciated it."

"You liked the challenge."

"Mmmm." He hummed in agreement. You had made him work for your affections, your time, your respect. Something no other woman had made him do. It was during that relentless pursuit that he realized you were the woman he wanted for his wife, not just another lover; but someone to always fall asleep beside, to love and cherish wholeheartedly, to trust with every part of his soul.

He pressed a soft, tender kiss to your lips. "And now you're mine. Before the gods, you are mine. Forever, my love."

The smile that you gave him was so full of fondness and joy, it was blinding in its simple beauty. This time you lifted up on your toes to kiss him, a tender parting of lips and slow tangle of tongues.

When your mouths finally separated, he dropped to his knees right there in the dirt. He placed his hands on your belly, eyes intent on where his child grew. "And you, my little Valkyrie. I hope you are as strong and beautiful as your mother. For there is nothing in this world as precious to me as she is."

He looked up and met your eyes, seeing tears swimming in them. Rising back to his feet, he cupped your cheeks, gazing into your face with absolute devotion and loyalty. Though he had known many women, there were none like you and he knew with all the same certainty as the daily rising and setting of the sun, there would never be another woman like you. His life. His love. And soon, the mother of his little Valkyrie.

#ofmanderley300 #vikings #vikings fandom #vikings fanfic #vikings fanfiction #hvitserk #hvitserk ragnarsson #hvitserk x reader #hvitserk x you #hvitserk lothbrok #fluff #mzwrites

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httpsaiki · 4 years ago

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Hey again, how are u today? Hope your're doing fine ^^ i really liked the headcanons you did to my ask that other day and i would like to ask for Teruhashi, Saiki, Kaidou, Aren and Hairo(and maybe Nendou like a friend) reacting to a S/o tbat can't produce ocitocin and can't afford to buy the pills that make them produce it plz?

Hello! I'm so glad to hear you liked them! I'm doing well, I hope you are too! So, for this one I'm assuming you meant oxytocin? As in the "love hormone". If not, please correct me on that! Either way, I hope this is good! I had to do some research on this one, just to make sure I understood it, so I apologize for the wait on this. It took me longer than I wanted to write this :( I'm genuinely very sorry if I got anything wrong with this. Also, I didn't add Nendou, I'm honestly not sure how he'd react.

— Reader is gender neutral!

WC: 1191

How the Teruhashi, Saiki, Aren and Hairo would react to a S/O that can’t produce oxytocin and can’t afford the medicine to help them. —————————————————–

Teruhashi Kokomi

After you told her, she asked if you could go someplace else to talk, where there would be a guarantee that nobody would find you.

Once there, she dropped the perfect pretty girl act and placed a hand on your shoulder. You could tell she wanted you to know she was being genuine and that it wasn’t just her fake-self talking.

Looks straight into your eyes and tell you that this doesn’t change anything and she will always cherish you deeply. You’re her entire world, Teruhashi makes sure you know that.

A little kiss on the cheek from Teruhashi! She begins asking questions about it, so she can make sure she understands fully and if there’s anything she can do.

She eventually finds out you aren’t able to afford the medication required to help you out.

She doesn’t like that this option isn’t available to you purely because of funds.

Let’s be real, her family is most likely pretty well off, her brother probably makes good money.

If you want to take the medication, she offers to help pay for it. If you don’t want to take it, that’s perfectly fine with her, the offer always stands.

She isn’t one to pry much but she makes absolutely sure you know you can tell her everything - she won’t judge - and if you need anything at all she’s there.

Saiki Kusuo

He knows before you get the chance to tell him…

If you have thought about this even once around him, this man was made aware.

Does not confront you about it, however, as he wants you to tell him if you want him to know. He doesn’t often bring up personal thoughts without you verbally making him aware first.

Once you do decide to tell him, he’s as supportive as he can be. Just does not make a big deal out of it at all, he doesn’t really see a point in that.

Neither of you will acknowledge he already knew and he’ll act like he didn’t.

He will not admit it but you telling him made him feel really close to you, and he loves that you trust him that much.

You want the medicine but can’t afford it? He doesn’t like that neither of you can pay for it, but he realizes there isn’t much he can do.

He does look into ways he specifically can help. If you really want the medicine he will, no matter what, find some way to get it to you.

He wants a safe and happy S/O. That’s what matters most to him. Your wellbeing is his top priority, in this case, so you don’t have to worry about him doing anything risky.

Kaidou Shun

He most likely doesn’t know what it is nor what it does. He gets worried because he doesn’t know what it is. He’ll ask you to explain it to him.

Once he realizes you aren’t in any imminent danger, he pulls you in for a hug and reminds you that you’re his S/O for a reason, he loves you! He’s a red, blushing mess while he does but that only furthers the sentiment.

He probably asks his mom for more information afterward, and, if you’re bothered by it, he’ll see if there’s anything he’s able to do to make it better for you. He does remind you that he’s always there to love and support you no matter what.

He wants a happy Y/N!

Kaidou wishes he’d be able to give you the medicine you need, but there sadly isn’t much he can do.

Tells you every day that with or without the medicine, he loves you dearly.

He is all around just very soft and caring about it.

He’s like… the ultimate supportive boyfriend.

If you’re self-conscious about it at all or really want the medicine, he’ll do everything in his power to get it to you.

After exhausting everything, if he still can’t help you get access to it, he promises he’ll buy it for you in the future.

Yes, he sees a future with you.

You may or may not have squeezed the living daylights out of him when he said that. He may or may not have cried when you hugged him so tight.

Kuboyasu Aren

When you tell him he doesn’t really react. He seems indifferent on the outside.

It’s not that he doesn’t care, no, it’s more he just doesn’t think it changes anything.

I mean, you’re the same person he’s always loved. That’s never going to change.

He’ll ask a few questions, mainly out of curiosity and to find out if there’s anything extra you need.

When you mention that there’s a medicine that can help you, he asks if you’re taking it and a bunch more questions about it.

You explain that you can’t afford it, and he immediately is deep in thought.

He looks into ways he may be able to help you afford the medication. If you tell him you really wish you had it.

When he realizes there’s not much he can really do, as he’s still young, Kuboyasu is pretty angry about it.

Okay, maybe “pretty” was an understatement. He thinks it’s highly unfair and for a bit, he’s pretty enraged. Will not show that to you, though. He doesn’t want you to feel bad.

Just thinks his Y/N deserves whatever makes them happy.

If you’re sensitive about it in any way, he pays attention to signs that it’s bothering you and makes sure to remind you you’re loved no matter what.

Hairo Kineshi

You can’t produce it? That doesn’t bother him one bit.

It’s just another part of you, and something else for him to love about you.

He knows you still love him, one hormone not being produced isn’t going to change that.

He recognizes that there's a chance you may feel less connected and he is more than willing to give you space or a break whenever you need it.

Hairo will be there for you no matter what!

He doesn’t like that you can’t afford the medicine, though.

Scratch that, he hates it. Especially if you want to take the medication.

He takes this very seriously, it’s your health. He wants you to be as happy as you can be, and if medication is something you need for that, then he looks into it as much as he can.

Honestly, he’d make an effort to contribute financially if he can, but if the medication is too expensive then he’ll try to assure you there’s some way you can get it in the future.

The type to do research on alternatives and anything he can do to help you out.

Often asks questions about it to make sure that he still fully understands. He needs to make sure everything he knows is accurate, specifically accurate to you.

Is truly your biggest cheerleader, whether it be this or anything else in your life.

Reminds you at least once a day that he loves you no matter what, especially if you feel self-conscious or bad about it in any way.

#the disasterous life of saiki k #saiki no psi nan #saiki k #saiki kusuo #saiki kusuo x reader #kokomi teruhashi #kokomi teruhashi x reader #kaidou shun #kaidou shun x reader #aren kuboyasu #aren kuboyasu x reader #hairo kineshi #hairo kineshi x reader #saiki k x reader #my writing

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oldtowrs · 4 years ago

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˗ˏˋ DROWNING IN YOU - obi-wan kenobi/jedi!reader

SUMMARY - after order-66 has been issued, obi-wan and the reader, a jedi and his companion, exile themselves on tatooine. the reader finds obi-wan practicing with his lightsaber, and they get into a small argument, which ends in fluff.

WORD COUNT - ~2.1k

A/N - i have a soft spot for obi-wan. however, this is my first obi-wan fic so i’m sorry if i’ve missed aspects of his character. it will come eventually though. i promise. anyway, gif belongs to @coredrive. please send me requests if you have any!

WARNINGS - none

the familiar hum of his weapon seemed to electrify the dry air around obi-wan as he ignited it, the blue light of his kyber crystal illuminating his strong features and the sandy terrain around him. memories from as early as his padawan years raced through his mind. he smiled at the realization that many included you and the many battles you had fought by his side. it was a familiar glow and welcomed buzz, but obi-wan couldn’t help but remember all that he had failed to protect with the sophisticated saber he held in his hands.

his heart ached as images of anakin’s golden eyes glaring at him over their crossed, blue lightsabers haunted his memories. the heat of the lava surrounding them almost was unbearable as they dueled, yet his failures burned a whole in his heart greater than the lava ever could.

but that’s why he had dug his lightsaber out of the trunk he had frantically shoved his few belongings into before you and him had made a frantic escape from coruscant to live out your days on tatooine, hovering just close enough to protect anakin’s son: luke skywalker. he dug it out in hopes that his skills hadn’t faltered in the few months he had been cowering in the little sandy cave that he now shared with you and which he called home. he couldn’t let them falter. he had to protect luke. he had to protect you. he was a jedi guardian, after all. he fought to protect all that was good in the world the brilliant blue of his force signature marching the glow of his saber. he couldn’t let himself fail luke. he couldn’t let himself fail you. he wouldn’t let that failure take hold of him again, not while the images of anakin burnt to a crisp and padme lying, her dark hair carefully decorated with delicate, white flowers, on her deathbed were still fresh in his mind; and he anticipated they would be for quite some time.

he readied his lightsaber in one of the traditional fighting stances of form iv. qui-gon’s face seemed to swim in his memories as he began the training sequence obi-wan’s old master had taught him, closing his eyes and taking a steadying breath. another face which only existed in his memories now. another failure.

with each heavy swing of his lightsaber, the dry air seemed to crackle and buzz about him, his anger at his failures burning up with it as he forced them from his being and into his each swing and spin. anger was not the way of the jedi-although he supposed that didn’t matter now. if he stayed true to the order, to the code, he was a marked traitor and enemy of the galactic republic. the order which he had dedicated so much of his life to could now get him killed.

the order. the council. another failure. another swing of his saber. another hum that broke the silence of the quiet desert and the evening which descended upon it as tatooine’s twin suns sunk into the sand.

he felt a presence through the force occupy his already tortured mental state, but he elected to ignore it-cut it down with another swing of the lightsaber.

‘obi-wan!’ a voice called, its normal tone and sweetness turned bitter with concern. it was your voice.

he looked up to see you running towards him from the entrance to your cave home, the linens of your dress-which you had traded your usual heavy, woolen jedi robes for, snapping in the slight breeze behind you. ‘what’re you doing?! are you asking to get caught?’

somewhere in his confusion, he managed to sheath his lightsaber, the blade of pure light and plasma retracting with a whomsh as he clipped it to his belt-an old force of habit.

‘my love, somebody could see you!’ you exclaimed softly, as you stopped before him, arms entangling themselves with his own. ‘or did you forget that the whole galaxy is on the lookout for jedi to report to the republic?’

guilt ravaged his features and an unfamiliar wave of shame washed over his heart. should someone see him wielding a lightsaber whose color was indicative of his rank, of his affiliation with the order, he would be reported to the republic, hunted down, locked in a cell and put on a waitlist for execution as punishment for treason.

the concern on your face made his heart ache, how your delicate eyebrows furrowed in worry, the way your e/c eyes no longer sparkled with joy-but were haunted by fear instead. he noticed new worry lines had formed around your eyes, and dark circles had begun to collect beneath them. age had seeped into your face and he realized that the past few months had not been kind to you, hitting you just as hard as they did him. you had been one of padme’s closest confidants after all, always waiting by her side during meetings which matters of the senate and council and the galaxy at large were always discussed in dramatic fashion. you had been almost as dark of a shadow as anakin had been, always following her around, protecting her from a galaxy which wished to harm her. his failures had been yours too.

yet despite those lines of worry and of age, you were still as beautiful as you had been as a padawan, running around coruscant jedi training grounds and rooms of the high jedi council with obi-wan’s strong, calloused fingers interwoven with your soft ones.

your heart ached for the jedi you had formed a forbidden attachment to, to whom you had fallen in love with, as you watched the shining, steely blue of his irises drop to his boots.

‘i’m sorry, darling,’ he said, his precise articulations and elegant accent soft and plagued with the guilt that he seemed to drown in. the sensation of your delicate fingers taking hold of his face, their tips burying themselves in the bushiness of his reddish-brown beard, was enough to pull him to the surface-to ground him in the present. he looked up through the golden spun curtain of his eyelashes, just in time to see your features soften.

kriff- the way you looked at him made his heart melt.and the way the setting suns caught in your h/c hair made it gleam as though it was spun of the finest metals. you had braided it into a simple tatooine style and the only thought he found rushing through his mind was how beautiful you were-and how guilty he felt.

‘i suppose you are right,’ he said. ‘it is reckless.’

‘obi-wan, what’s wrong?” you said, your fingers angling his gaze directly into yours. the concern he saw there made him want to cry, tears welling up in his eyes and inhibiting his ability to speak.

‘i failed,’ he choked out. ‘i fails qui-him. i failed anakin. i failed padme. i failed the order, the council-everything.’

he watched as your face fell and pain seeped into your lovely irises, illuminated by the dying light of tatooine’s suns. but he continued on. he was drowning, and your presence had been his gasp of fresh air. now the seawater couldn’t help but pour out of him, and his thoughts with it.

his voice became deadly quiet. ‘how am i supposed to protect luke if i can’t even protect them. how can i protect you for that matter? i thought that, perhaps, if i train, then… i’ll be good enough to at least give you some sense of security, and, when the time comes, train luke to bring peace to the galaxy that i’ve helped destroy.’

‘oh, obi-wan,’ you sigh, pain evident in your voice. ‘you have not failed the galaxy, and you certainly have not contributed to the destruction which palpatine helped to foster-both in the galaxy and in anakin. their downfall is not on your hands, my love. do not manipulate it to be so.’

‘you have protected this galaxy, and put your life on the line so that trillions may live in peace without ever having to experience the horrors of war.’

‘and as for me, my love,’ you chuckled, smiling up at him and pressing a kiss softer than the petals of the alderaanian flame-rose to his jawline, ‘do you forget that i am a jedi too? i may not be a guardian and a general like you, but that doesn’t mean i’m any less trained in the ways of the force than you, my sweet jedi. we protect each other now, remember?’

maker-when had you learned to be so convincing? it only amplified the love that burned in his heart, melting him from the inside out. a small smile settled itself onto his lips, peeking through the beauty that was his beard.

‘yes, i remember, sweetling,’ he hummed, the endearment sounding like honey on his articulate tongue. it warmed your heart, as you saw some of the light you so dearly cherished found its way back into his kind eyes. he was so lovely, in all that he was.

obi-wan let his hand graze the soft skin of your jaw, gently tilting your face as he pressed a loving kiss to your forehead. he wished he could see the blush that he knew was blooming along your cheekbones as he did so.

i love you obi wan, your force signature echoed softly. a warmth seemed to cloud his heart, and he knew it was you reaching out to him through the force, transferring as much love as you possibly could through to him. it was something you had been doing ever since you had mastered projections as padawans.

i love you too, darling. he felt the familiar entanglement of his force signature with yours, warm and comforting. he had always used his for strength, but you used yours for more emotional circumstances. he found that he couldn’t leave your presence without a piece of your signature lingering with him, a reminder that you were with him always.

his calloused fingers found their way to the back of your head, tangling gently in your h/c tresses, as his other arms snaked around your waist, lovingly playing with the softness he found about your hips as he pulled you into his shoulder for a hug. he noticed there was a little more softness there than usual, and he felt his heart swell lovingly at the discovery. he adored you, but the extra softness gave him more of you to love and cherish. exile treated you well, and obi-wan couldn’t help but adore its effects.

what would i do without you? the projection was filled with a softness that obi-wan could only ever find in you, his one attachment, his love.

you’d be fine. you’re stronger than any one i know, love. a soft squeeze of his bicep accompanied your words and obi-wan knew that while yes, he was strong and resilient, he was only so because of his devotion to you and you to him.

perhaps, but i would be terribly miserable without you, my little dove. he felt a surge of warmth radiating off you through the force, and he smiled at the knowledge that he warmed your heart just as you did his. he pulled you ever closer, giving you a gentle squeeze, enveloping himself in all that was you. he couldn’t pull himself from your orbit, even if he wanted to try.

‘perhaps, we can find a way to train without drawing attention to ourselves,’ you pondered, with a kiss to his neck, his jaw, his lips, as you pulled away from his shoulder far enough to admire the way his eyes lit up at what you were suggesting.

‘besides,’ you said, a teasing tone creeping into your usually soft words, ‘i have to train if i am to protect both of us!’

‘i think you forget, i was the one who fought as general in the clone wars, dearest!’ he chuckled, admiring the way the mirth of your banter swam in the e/c pools of your irises as they glowed in the last of the days golden sunlight.

‘oh please, i designed your battle plans,’ you said, gently tapping his chest with one pointed finger in protest. ‘as much as the council loved to boast about their intelligence, you know i was the one behind it all.’

the velvety tenor of obi-wan’s laugh filled the dry tatooine air with joy, radiating through the force. and soon it was joined by the sweet tones of your own happiness as obi-wan peppered your neck and face with endless kisses, holding you lovingly against the strong, muscular build of his chest. the galaxy may have been drowning in the chaotic wake of the fall of the jedi order, but obi-wan found himself drowning in the deep, warm waters of your being and the comfort of your love. it was an endeavor he would gladly embark upon, for he knew that at the end of it all we would drown with a smile on his lips and your love filling his heart.

— fin

#obi wan #star wars #obi wan kenobi #obi wan imagine #obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi x reader #sw #revenge of the sith #star wars prequels #prequel series #prequel trilogy #star wars fanfiction

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jasontoddiefor · 3 years ago

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Title: hot and sharp (it’s the cold) Ship: Eeez/Timothy Hearst (D.Gray-man) Summary: Eeez always knew he was going to die abandoned, dirty alley. Curse Tyki Mikk for giving him hope, for letting him dream— Hold on, who’s the brat in the fancy uniform? AN: It’s my rare pair and I get to be the only one writing fanfics for it.

It wasn’t that Eeez hated Tyki, far from it, actually. For the most part, Eeez adored the older man and soaked up his attention like sunlight. For all that he spent the least amount of time with Tyki given that he was gone so often and so very long on those secret jobs of his, and Eeez saw Momo and Crack far more often, the fellow Portuguese was Eeez’s favorite. They had a connection that went beyond that of countrymen.

Tyki had been the one to pulled Eeez from the dirt alley, cleaning up his pale cheeks with a nearly equally dirty tissue, a soft smile, and kind words. He helped Eeez remain upright when his coughing ended with blood on his lips and always made sure that he wore enough layers when the winters got bad.

Eeez had clung to Tyki because the man had saved him. Without Tyki’s interference, Eeez would have died in the alley he collapsed in and nobody would have cared about his young age. They wouldn’t have called it a tragedy, merely seen him as trash.

But Tyki thought he had worth.

Even though Eeez contributed nothing to their income and ended up eating quite a large portion of their food in turn, Tyki always treated him with care, cracking jokes to make him smile. The man was too young to be Eeez’s father, but he could be his older brother or uncle. Eeez had neither and the terms mixed and matched in his head well enough, reforming in the shape of Tyki Mikk, running his fingers through his hair, switching cigarette brands until he found one that didn’t bother Eeez’s lungs as much, dropping the habit entirely when his health relapsed.

Tyki, whom he hadn’t seen in months.

Anger bit as hot and sharply into him as the cold outside.

Tyki’s jobs had become more frequent and more exhausting as they could tell by the bags under his eyes, but now he simply hadn’t shown up for months. Were he younger, one of those street kids running around the bigger cities, running errands for those posh and proper nobles, Eeez would have thought that they would never see Tyki again, that he got a little too bold and clever and was now a little too dead to come visit them.

Eeez had seen it too often when he’d been alone on the streets. No gang wanted to take him in, his fingers constantly shaking and numb from anemia to make him a good pickpocket. Those kids that got too smart always ended up dead, paying the price for behaving better than the rabble they were supposed to be.

But Tyki was a proper adult who knew better than to throw away his life. He always told Eeez to be mindful, to cherish the time he had. True enough, Tyki didn’t look like he was particularly well-educated, but once you got him started, he turned out to be quite the philosopher, able to quote more books than Eeez had ever had the chance to touch. Always on the road without a school to attend, the adults had taken it upon themselves to teach Eeez whatever they deemed important. Sometimes that was bartering, how to fix your clothes, what fruit or vegetable to eat, or the language of whatever country they were in.

Tyki never seemed to have a problem with any of them

So he might not be a genius, but Eeez was intelligent.

Therefore, rationally, Eeez was aware that he shouldn’t be too upset with Tyki’s disappearance.

The world had gone crazy recently, monsters appearing everywhere. Despite their many travels, their group had never run into one. Usually, that was also due to Tyki’s guidance. He somehow always managed to bring them to safe lodgings, to take the route where they weren’t attacked by some bandits or police that had about the same attitude.

Traveling without him was more difficult even though they had one mouth less to feed.

And now, the snow still sticking to his bloody knees, that monster looming over him, all Eeez could think of was that this wouldn’t have happened if Tyki were here.

That Eeez would still die in a dark and dirty alley, abandoned by the world.

“Eh?” the monster tilted its head. “Aren’t you a fun little— urgh—!”

One moment, the monster looked like a grotesque skeleton, created from blood-coated machinery, large holes for eyes, a twisted halo framing its head. The next, it was kind of soft, and instead of rusty red, the now whole plating was covered in light blues, yellows, and whites.

“Are you alright?” the monster suddenly asked, voice much lighter than before.

Eeez could only nod, unsure of what to do with this sudden change.

The monster grinned, razor-sharp teeth flashing before it gave him a thumbs up. “Great!”

Then it promptly began attacking the rest of the monsters with much prejudice. Their screams would haunt Eeez for years to come if he still had years to experience. Returning to his senses, Eeez scrambled to his feet and rushed to the nearest house for safety. Taking a quick look around, Eeez realized two things:

1) The house had been abandoned in haste.

2) It was not actually abandoned.

Eeez stared at the small body lying in the corner. It looked like somebody had placed the other kid there – and what a weird kid it was. Bright blue hair and a freaking marble the size of Eeez’s fist in his forehead. Maybe whoever had put him there had been killed by those monsters. Eeez had gotten separated from Crack and Momo when those things had appeared in the sky. He didn’t know if they were still alright, but if they’d been hit by even one of those monsters, there was nothing Eeez could do for them anymore.

The monsters seemed to be mostly chasing through the streets, tearing open the houses. They’d probably already gone through this one. It didn’t make the house very secure, just better than anything else. Eeez probably had more luck if he headed to the nearby forest and hid out there. Glancing at the body once more, Eeez realized that the kid was still breathing if a little strained. He was only a little smaller than Eeez. The safe solution would be to just leave him there, give the monsters something else to entertain themselves with while he made his getaway.

Tyki Mikk had pulled him out of the dark and into the light, lifted him into the air, let him sit on his shoulders, and nearly touch the sky.

Uncharacteristically crude, Eeez let out a string of curses and rushed over to the boy. He struggled to put the body on his back, the boy turning out to be heavier than he looked.

First, he thought he would die because of Tyki, now he was going to die because of some stupid unconscious kid in a fancy jacket that could feed Eeez for a week at least.

God better see this one good deed and deem it enough to repay him handsomely in the afterlife.

Wheezing under the strain, Eeez got to his knees and headed towards the back of the house, the sounds of the battle echoing in his ears.

#d gray man #dgm #tyki mikk #eeez dgm #timothy hearst #timotheez #poker pair #we'll get there anyway #fanfic

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emotionalcello-makefanfics · 3 years ago

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Additional Tags: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, One-Sided Love, Romance, Canon Compliant, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Kissing, Implied/Referenced Sex, Crying, Eren Yeager-centric, Sad Ending

Words: 6k

Summary: Eren has a dream that he will never live to see. So, at least, he wants to make this one small dream come true.

Eren has always been a dreamer.

Ever since he was a kid, he’d stare upon a wall and imagine the world outside. He’d dream about what he would do when he finally gets to go outside the walls. Armin would dream with him. The days inside the cramped walls would be a little brighter when he gets to dream of soft shredded ice falling from the sky and rivers of red molten rocks. The waves of glittery blue saltwater, the waves of green hills unending. To stand on top of the mountain and gaze upon the blue sky, seeing where it starts and ends in the horizons.

The dreams wouldn’t have gone wild nor wonderful had it not been for Armin. The naive creative boy that he always is, came up to him with big blue eyes filled with dreams that infect Eren on sight.

Looking back now, Eren doesn’t know whether his dreams had become everything he lived for, or a slow poison killing his insides.

Because all his dreams are dead the moment his lips met the back of Historia’s hand.

He grimaced at the memories. It took every will that he has to not vomit then and there at Historia’s feet.

Everything was never the same after he knew.

They ride out to the beach, and there it is. Infinite saltwater, blue as the sky, glittering in the sun. Yet he can’t feel happy about it, he had seen it with the previous’s attack titan’s eyes. The magic is gone before he gets to experiences it on his own.

His eyes stare longingly at the ethereal scenery in front of him, but all he sees is the enemy across the ocean.

Eren had a lot of dreams. Hopeful little dreams that all lead to one thing. He wants to be free. Free to explore. Free to be who he wants to be. Free to love. He can have none of those, because of the enemy that lurks behind the glittery waves.

If we kill the enemy, the one waiting for us on the other side, will we be finally free?

Not realizing that he said his musing, Armin steps by his side.

“I don’t think we can ever be fully free,” his blue eyes are as blue as the sky, as blue as the water. Eren wondered if Ymir put those eyes in him because this moment was destined too. “Even the people across the ocean aren’t free too, that’s why Grisha ended up inside our walls.”

Eren had fallen to a deep depression after the memories barged in, Armin’s words almost sealed him into rock bottom.

Almost, until Armin adds, “But we’re people. As humans we’re given a will, a choice to do things, even if there are consequences, nothing can ever truly stops us from doing what we want.”

Yes, this moment is truly meant to be, Eren thinks as Armin’s eyes filled with hopes and dreams, like it always meant to be.

“There’s always going to be enemies, Eren, but we worked our hardest to break out of the walls, and though we’re not fully free yet, we’re still rewarded.” Armin looks at him, and for a moment, the clouds parted, and it’s bright. Ever since the medal gifting, Eren had slowly ignored them all. This is the first time in many months that they meet eyes again, and of course, the hope and dreams latch on deep and rooting yet again.

“Right now, we’re being rewarded with the sea,” Armin looks down to the conch he’s holding, lowering it to the crystal clear water to sit in the sand. “We have big dreams, and it hasn’t come true yet, but the small dreams do. Didn’t we always dream to see the sea? Now we finally do, it came true. We broke out of the walls, the possibilities expand, there’s going to be a lot of small dreams coming true before the big one.” Armin looks at Eren with a mischievous glint, but Eren is too mesmerized to see what’s coming. “Like how you... can enjoy... a fist full of salt!” Armin throws a big splash of salt water on Eren’s mouth.

It’s so salty that Eren almost hacked his tonsils out. He doesn’t remember ever eating something so salty, ever. He used to beg his mom to put more salt in their dishes, but salt was a rare commodity and they’re far from rich. Now, Eren just had a fist full of salt.

Eren paused, and everyone’s stiff stares turn worrisome for him when Eren broke down into a manic laugh. As if the salt in the water isn’t enough, Eren contributes with his tears streaming down along the water in his hair.

Swimming in the clear blues, salty mouth, and vision almost whiteout by brightness, Eren feels like flying. He takes the saltwater and splashes Armin back along with Mikasa behind him.

Armin’s face broke into a wide smile and kicks the water at him. Eren gets completely wet, so is Captain Levi behind him. They all paled at the Captain’s scowl, but then Hanji squeals, “WATER WAR!”

And Eren will take water war over the other war he’s going to evoke.

++++

Small dreams

Or so Armin had said.

Once again, Armin filled him with hope. Maybe not all of Eren’s dreams are dead. It never occurred to him that he could settle for less.

Once upon a time, Eren dreamed of living in a cabin far in the woods. Where he can run and not bump into someone. Where he can breathe in crisp air instead of the damp breaths of other people. He dreamed of making a family in that cabin. Be in love, never feeling alone.

He had planned to do that with Mikasa. It’s so easy to love Mikasa, how couldn’t he? A stoic face that only brightens at Eren. She’s a quiet kid, but she shows affection with actions. Like how she’s always beside him no matter how petulantly Eren pushes her away sometimes. She’s distrustful but still trusted Eren the most. Her smiles are rare, but when she does, it’s always for Eren. It’s endearing.

Also, she’s beautiful. She doesn’t realize it and Eren sometimes wants to scream at her. But Eren never said anything to her, never admitted out loud. He knows since the day he met her that Mikasa is special. She’s calm, collected, mature and so strong. Eren never gets why she loves him, but Eren is afraid if she realized how special she is then she wouldn’t choose the lame, regular, non-special Eren.

But he wants her. He promised himself if the war is over then he’d confess his feelings to her and just... love her.

Eren wants to feel loved, to be loved, to be wanted and cherished. Wants all the romantical shit with that person. He’s loved by Mikasa, and he knows if Eren asks, Mikasa will never say no to Eren under positive circumstances.

Now that Eren knows the truth about Ackermans, he can never see Mikasa in the same light again.

Mikasa’s love -now that he gets a double-take- is scary. She gave her whole heart in her palm, her full dedication and love only for Eren, no questions, no hesitations, no doubts. What did Eren do to deserve it? To work for it? Nothing.

All Eren did was save her, and gave her a scarf because she looked cold and Eren’s mom taught him to be good. If Mikasa was a depraved kid lacking affection her whole life then Eren would’ve understood why Mikasa was taken by him. But no, Mikasa’s parents were good to her, what Eren did was not special to her.

She loves him, sure, like a dog loves its master. Unreasonably unconditional. And the dog doesn’t know what’s good for themselves, blindly loving their masters. Just like how baffling it was that a selfish serial killer like Kenny suddenly have a heart to follow a hidden king just because he begged prettily.

Having Mikasa love him doesn’t bear the same euphoric feeling. Eren isn’t special, just a lucky kid at the right time, she could’ve imprinted on anyone. Eren had thought this dream is dead.

Eren still loves her, she’s still a person, just a fucked up gene. So at that night infiltrating Marley with the team of survey corps, Eren asks her, “Why is it that you care so much about me? What am I to you?”

Mikasa blushes prettily, her breath quickens.

“You are family,” Mikasa admits shyly.

Unlike the dog that loves its master, Eren knows better. It’s not that Mikasa is pushing him away, Eren is family, Eren is her everything, that’s why all she said was those three words. And she feels all these things without any reason at all, so much that she can’t compute.

Then the family of the boy he helped offer alcohol, and Eren gulped it down. In a way, Mikasa broke his heart. Eren wasn’t special to her. Eren isn’t wanted, he’s being obsessed by, being followed by someone that doesn’t know better.

Morning comes. They’re in a boat on the way back to Paradis Island. Eren decides to give his dream one more try. Maybe it doesn’t have to be romantic? He settles for even less.

He finds Armin by the deck at 6 AM. The only ones awake around are them, the captain behind the wheel, and the fishes under.

His blue eyes take in the dark sea, the pinkish color of the dawn sky.

Eren knows why they both are the only ones up this hour after a whole night drinking. Turns out being a Titan means that you regenerate everything. They don’t get drunk too long, and they don’t get hangovers.

“Armin?” Eren can’t help the desperation in his voice, not in front of Armin. His best friend has seen him at his worst, and he’s still here, it must mean something, right? “What am I to you?”

Armin -who had been looking at him curiously the moment Eren spoke- drops his jaw. They look at each other for a while, and Armin seems to sober up from his shock and looks stern.

A pair of arms smack on either side of Eren’s face. It sobers Eren of all the melancholic brooding, even more now that Armin is putting a nagging face on. “Eren Jaeger, you listen to me. We’ve been friends since we’re gaggling children. You were a trouble-seeker even though you’re weak, couldn’t even land a punch on some goons! We all survived childhood purely thanks to Mikasa.”

“At least I tried to fight, unlike you, taking it laying down,” Eren growls, lifting his hands to pinch both of Armin’s cheeks. Gone the baby fat, they’re a little bit skinnier from growing up, and a bit too many muscles replacing it.

“Ow!” Armin grabs Eren’s wrist and to Eren’s surprise, Armin pulls his hands away easily. The strength stuns Eren’s mock anger away, and Armin looks at him with a solemn gaze. Eyes tinted pink look a bit lilac purple.

“I could never understand why you would befriend a weak kid like me, but then I figured it out.” Armin takes a deep breath, and suddenly Eren feels weak. Why is Armin looking at him like that? “You, Eren, are the most important person in my life. The one I cherished the most, and closer than family. No one realized how big of a heart you have, and your pride gets in the way of asking for help. But you care so much about everyone when no one was looking.” And Armin looks at him, Eren hears ‘but I did’, from Armin all the same.

“You’ve been different since we stepped into Marley,” Armin says, freezing Eren on the spot. Eren hoped he schooled his face as well as he thinks. “Whatever it is, you’re not alone. Alright? You have us, and we’ll always be on your side.”

Eren was done before he knew he started. Tears bursts from his eyes, lips frown deeply, holding back sobs.

“Oh! Eren, uh...” Armin awkwardly pats Eren’s back and Eren pulls him into the hug. It takes exactly one second for Armin to completely melt and wrap him into a tighter hug.

His heart bleeds. Armin did two things with his words. Makes Eren feel loved, and tore him a betrayal yet to be done.

It hurts because Eren knew, they can’t be on his side. They won’t, and that’s how it’s meant to be.

“Armin, can I try something?”

“I... guess?”

Maybe it’s Armin’s unpredictable blush or Eren’s half-broken heart, but it’s easy to just dive in. Eren didn’t realize how small Armin’s face is until he cups it, touched its cheekbones, trails the jaw, cradles the back of his blond hair. Leaning in is easy. Once meeting Armin’s lips, he felt some sort of instinct. It tells Eren to leans closer, tilts his head, licks the lower lip, and parts his own.

Eren wondered why lips taste so sweet and feel so soft, or was it just Armin?

When Armin’s arms find his sides and clutches, Eren feels heat riding up his spine, up to his head. He wants more. The morning is cold and every gentle move Armin does to kiss him back warms him with life. Finally, Armin parts his lips too, and instincts take over again. Tounge between teeth, roaming into his mouth.

Still, the best feeling of kissing is not how Armin feels on him, but how Armin is feeling him up. Armin kisses back with curious vigor, lips moving quicker, hands clutching tight. When Armin moves his hand to cups the back of his head and grabs his hair, Eren shivers. Eren wants more, wants Armin to want more of him.

Armin doesn’t feel the same, as he shows by stepping a wide step back. Eren gasps at the sudden space, cold strikes him like a slap, arms awkwardly hugging where Armin was less than a second ago. Blue eyes widen, in shock, but not in disgust, and Eren hoped.

“But... I thought Mikasa...” Armin stutters, hand on his lips. Eren empathizes, his lips still tingle too.

“I don’t think of her that way.”

“Liar, I saw you... You...” Armin’s words died away. Yes, he saw Eren looks besottedly at Mikasa when no one was looking. It changed though, and even though Eren isn’t transparent, Armin can read him like a dog-eared book.

“I don’t think of her that way anymore,” he corrects.

It’s true. Eren did think of her that way, not anymore. Eren loves Armin, but he never thought of him that way, now he can, and somehow it makes sense. His wild dreamer of a head can see it.

Armin’s silence is discouraging. Self-consciously, Eren feels that he might be moving too fast.

...

What’s Eren doing? What’s next? Going on a date? Be boyfriends? Share sweet nothings under the stars until Eren eventually betrays them all?

He knew he had to give up on his dreams, small as it is, and he won't live to see his one most important dream come true. Eren sees the suffering and the screams, but not the peace that came after.

Still, a part of him yearns and reaches desperately before Eren can pull away.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Eren says, every word ripped from his flesh. Eren smiles apologetically at Armin’s confused expression. “It’s nice... I-I... You’re my everything too.” The confession is terrifyingly easier. Eren feels the heat on his face now, and the shaking cold of his fingers.

Armin takes a deep breath with his slacked jaw, still startled, but something changed in his face, softer.

Eren walks away, but a strong grip holds his wrist. Eren realized that strong as Armin is, he’s not as strong as Eren’s. Eren is just so weak for him. Since when? How could he never notice?

Well, he notices now, and it makes him flush when he kisses him. It doesn’t mean anything. Nothing can come out of it. Eren can’t dream of it.

“Since when?” Armin asks vaguely, but Eren still knows.

“Since just now,” Eren says truthfully.

Armin lets him go then. Eren doesn’t look at him when he walks away.

+++

But Eren never stopped yearning.

Everything starts coming to place. So fast, so perfectly that it scares him.

These moments with his friends are numbered, and with all the power given to him, he can’t stop time.

He remembers what Armin says, and what Eren can realistically take from it. Enjoy it while he can. Cherish his friends while he can. As embarrassing as it sounds, Eren was saying the truth when he said he wants none of them inheriting the Attack Titan. These people live through hell with him, and he’ll make sure all of them make it in the end. No need to bear the Titan for the sake of foolish wars. It all will end with Eren, and it’ll make one of Eren’s dreams come true. The friends most precious to him will live in peace till they’re old and grey.

All of this is for the dreams that Eren will never live to see.

But the small ones, his mind says in betrayal, it can come true right?

Those words are what got him yearning still for the one thing he had given up on, or trying to at least.

Nothing changes between him and Armin. Eren has more practice in acting, he finds it easy to have a poker face, seems like his face does the same thing if he’s in despair, so he lets it take over. Armin is a bit different. The tension is there though faint. Lurking glances at the corner of his eyes, disappearing just before Eren could turn and see. It was Eren that says they don’t have to talk about it.

He hates it. Hates that even without meeting his eyes, Armin still gives him hope.

Eren knows he’s been sneaking into Annie’s jail cell. A part of him feels jealous, another part feels relieved. Relieved because Armin can move on, and maybe they’d pretend they’re never a thing to begin with. Yet Armin never stopped staring, and Eren could never really let go.

Eren knows that inherited traits from previous owners of the titans are possible and real. Eren is almost entirely sure that Armin’s affection purely came from Bertholdt. Eren had the same lingering feelings too. Bursts of instincts and thoughts that came out of nowhere. He feels weird with his hair short. All he thinks of his mother is not her love anymore, but guilt. So he clutches the feelings he knows are his own. New as it is, his feelings for Armin are one of the things he’s confident in. One of few.

He’s a compilation of previous Attack Titans now, but he’s still him. Eren is more than a shell, more than a pawn. Still his own self. Still Eren Jaeger. Still his mother’s son.

“Still human.”

“What?”

Eren snaps back and sees Mikasa’s searching eyes. They’re helping around Historia’s orphanage again. The horse he’s brushing is nudging him to continue where he left off.

“Nothing,” Eren mumbles.

Mikasa looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. She drops the hay she was carrying to the feeding bin and steps out of the barn with a worried look.

Eren can’t help but wonder if Armin would’ve said or done something different.

+++

It’s dark, nothing but the moon, the fireflies, and his oil lamp for light. His friends are back at the orphanage having a game night. Eren had said he was tired and wanted to sleep early, then sneaking out to take a walk alone along the dirt path from Historia’s orphanage. Eren feels misplaced in the group, detached. They’re all smiling, having fun, but Eren feels like he’s alone. For all the plan to work, he just needs to keep his mouth shut and trusts Floch and Yelena to carry on the plan.

Eren wishes he could tell someone. Wishes that it didn’t have to be genocide. Wishes he could live to see his dreams coming true and live for them. Wishes he has someone... just someone to cry on. To share his fear because Eren is terrified-

“Eren?”

He didn’t hear anyone coming, he was that deep into his head. Of course, it’s Armin, and of course, he looks worried.

“Oh,” Armin says, sad. “You don’t have to hide when you needed to cry.”

Eren takes a deep breath, taps his face, and turns out the dampness in his face was not from the humidity.

“Talk to me,” Armin is close to begging, but not quite enough for Eren to fold.

Eren can’t talk to Armin, or he’ll say it all, undo a nail in the dam and all the water will break through. All the fears nearly choke him to death if he lets it.

“Do you have small dreams?” Eren asks because he can’t handle doing the talking.

“I do,” Armin says easily. He gestures to one of the trees facing the clearing Eren was heading towards. They sit there, watching the sparse clouds moves. “The sea is one of them,” Armin says once they sat, the oil lap turned off. The moon is full, Eren can see every detail of Armin’s face.

“What else?”

“Well there’s the mountains, and the snowy dunes, Onyakopon says it’s called the artic... I want to travel the world.” Armin looks to the moon with his hopeful eyes, and Eren’s heart is pulled.

Yanked painfully.

“You can do that,” Eren says, trying to smile.

“How about you?”

Eren looks down to his hands, “I’m not a dreamer like you,” He lied terribly, “It’s hard to, isn’t it? We’re still in the middle of the war, there’s a chance we won't make it.” I won’t make it.

Armin furrowed his eyebrows, “This is not the Eren I know,” his voice rising, “The Eren I know won’t give up until he has vengeance! His goals and hopes and dreams! Until he’s free! The Eren I know is always brave!”

Eren grits his teeth, his dead dreams flash in his eyes. “Fine! I’m a coward! I’m setting my expectations realistic Armin! We can’t always have what we want because we’re tied with obligations-”

“Why does it matter! Why is it ever the reason we stopped dreaming, huh?” Armin rises to his knees, looking down at Eren with fury coated with shadows. The moon looms upon his blond hair, tears falling down his face. “And we’re all scared Eren! I don’t think I ever stopped being scared since a Titan peeked from the walls of our home and literally kicked the gate open... the Titan that I am now.” His voice weakens, hands by his side shaking in balled fists.

Eren wants to touch him. Pull him to sit down, wipes his tears, pull him into his arms, curled into him, because yes, Eren is scared too, more than he’s sane to handle sometimes.

“But being brave means that we keep trying despite being scared... Being brave means that we have something to push through fear. That’s why we can’t stop hoping, having dreams! You can’t stop hoping Eren!” Armin sits back down, hands clenching on Eren’s shoulder. “Don’t give up on them! If you do... then... then what do you fight for?” Armin’s voice is broken and desperate.

“For all of you,” Eren says weakly, “I told you that before. I want all of you to be free.”

“But what about you!” Armin shakes his shoulder, “What about your dreams for you!”

“There’s none! Alright?!” Eren snaps, gripping Armin’s hands, and pushes him away. His breath is fast and shallow. A bundle of nerves wanting to run. Stars break behind his lids

“Eren, please!” Armin clutch his wrist, “You have to have something to live for. Don’t...” Armin’s broken voice makes Eren look, not surprised to see Armin looking heartbreakingly sad. “Don’t throw your life away so easily! I know our years are numbered and no one can tell whether we die in this war or not... but I’d-I’d... if we found peace within our years, I’d... want to spend however little left of my life with you.”

A sob came out first before the tears, Eren can’t hold it back. He’s been clutching everything hard so close to his heart that he just couldn’t hold himself together anymore. He wanted to say it all, lay the sins he hasn’t committed, and be loved despite so. He knows Armin would, and he would help. Eren wouldn’t be alone, but he can’t.

Armin will have his dream come true, having peace in his lifetime.

Armin’s war will be over in a few years.

Eren’s war will never end, not till he dies.

“Please, don’t let me hope,” Eren begged.

“But-”

“I can’t have small dreams, I just couldn’t!” Eren snaps again, throwing up all his anger in his throaty scream, “I can’t! I tried Armin but I kept wanting more. I want more and everything! Nothing is ever enough and this fucking war is...” this fucking fate, her fucking wish, “It’ll take everything from me.”

“No, not yet,” Armin says solemnly with new determination, face still wet from crying. “I have a plan okay? Don’t you trust me?”

Eren is thrown again between pain and anger. His scowl rained down with tears. “You know I do!” I’ll betray you but you’ll pull through, I believe you will. “This has nothing to do with it. We... it just... I can’t...”

“Tell me what it is,” Armin begs, “I’ll help it come true, I’ll help in any way I can. Please.” Those honest eyes look at him, tear down the walls he puts up. Why does Armin always make him hopeful? Even though Eren has nothing left in his future? Why?

Why after years of guarding his desires, one look from Armin unravel him instantly?

His heart finally bare of walls, hands clenched so tightly they shake, Eren screamed his soul out, “I WANT TO BE FREE!”

He screams so loud to the blank indifferent sky that his voice echoes. He hadn’t dared voiced that dream of him anymore, knowing he’ll never have it. It was all he wanted, but there’s a chain of fate in his neck.

Even though he’s chained, doesn’t mean he’s muffled. Not anymore, his heart yearns openly. “I want... I want a life! A long life with someone I love. A cabin in a large space in the forest, where the air feels cool in our lungs. I want kids on my own, I want to grow old with someone! Someone that loves me despite who I am,” despite what I’m about to do. “I just want to be myself.... not a weapon, not a soldier, not a tool.” Not fate’s fool. “I just want to live... build a life, build a home, be with someone that cherishes me for me.”

Eren makes a mistake in looking at Armin, finding the blue eyes mimicking the heavy rain pouring from Eren’s. The worst is the despairing look on Armin’s face, the full mournfulness of the usually boyish hopeful look.

Eren’s mouth still loose, the adrenaline from the truth makes him brave, “I want... I want more than just a kiss.” Armin’s expression doesn’t change, still in that heartbroken despair, it’s like he’s not surprised. “I want to go... spend time with you... more than-than just a friend.” At that, Armin finally looks surprised. Eren’s face burns, but it’s easier to say without the suspense of how well Armin is going to take it. Whether it’s a yes or no, the answer is already chosen by circumstances.

“You-You’d want that?” Armin’s tone in disbelieve.

“Yeah,” he croaks, already sore from screaming.

“I thought...” Finally, Armin looks down, “I thought you were just curious about the kiss, not necessarily me.”

“Well... both of that. The kiss and... you.”

Out of nowhere, Armin barks a laugh, stilling Eren looking at him like he’s crazy. “Geez, I should’ve known. You’re really an all-or-nothing guy.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” Eren pouts.

“No, not bad, but by gods, your actions can be baffling sometimes,” Armin smiles. Oh if only he knew.

It’s eerie how they can fall to banter easily, smoothly, and Eren can’t help to imagine a lifetime of this. He tamps it down instantly.

Eren feels oddly lighter, but he knows tomorrow he won’t. He’ll mull about tonight, and nothing will be done about it, then it’ll add to the list of things he broods about.

“Wait,” Armin says, before Eren gets to ask what, a pair of lips landed on him. It’s more chaste than before because Eren still put up his guard. It’s still too sweet and Eren still got poisoned.

They lean back, flushed and a bit breathless. Armin is flustered, nervous, but Eren is carefully stoic, which means he’s despaired.

“You didn’t have to do that for me,” Eren clips.

“Unlike you, I’m more selfish.”

“You didn’t even like me like that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And Annie?”

Armin sighs, “I don’t know why... but I just feel if we could’ve had time, me and her could be something.” Eren knows the reason, an indescribable instinct. “But Eren,” His hand grips Eren’s, pinning Eren at place with his gentle touch. “Annie and I didn’t become anything. She’s frozen in a crystal, and you’re here.”

Eren should feel like chopped liver, really, but why is he hopeful instead?

“And I want you.”

Eren watches his best friend, watches closely. Their transparency towards each other goes both ways.

“I know maybe... my feelings aren’t as deep as yours yet, but I still want you.”

Eren finds no lie, and it’s harder to not let his soul soars in joy. Yet.

“Nothing can come out of this.”

“Who says?”

“Armin...”

“See the smaller picture,” Armin put his hands on Eren’s face and his mind stops. “I know you’d always want more, but isn’t having something small is better than not having anything at all? Did you ever regret kissing me the first time?”

“No.” Eren knows he’s utterly defeated yet again by Armin’s wits.

“Would the future you regret kissing me some more?”

Eren weakly smiles, “I-I think future me will thank present me.”

“Well.”

They both lean in this time, knowing what to expect, but still getting surprised by what they get.

Their third kiss is better, both of them anticipate it, both of them wanting. They know better how to slot their bodies together. Their lips were a bit chapped, tasting like the apple pie they had for dessert today. Their hands move more confidently. Eren goes along Armin’s back and jaw, feeling the newly shaved undercut. Armin’s fingers go to his nape, feeling his grown-out hair. Those fingers trail down Eren’s chest and pull his shirt.

Suddenly Eren’s backed against the tree trunk. Momentarily they part their lips, just to look. Eren doesn’t know what Armin is finding that makes him blush and doe-eyed, but what Eren finds is that Armin wants him too. Armin, who could’ve waited for Annie, who could’ve had anyone, wants Eren. No genetic conditioning. No previous titans making him like Eren. This is Armin as he is, wanting Eren as he is.

That’s all he needs. It’s all he wants.

Eren is wanted. Not as a tool. Not as a weapon. Not his power.

Just Eren.

When they kiss again, skin touch skin. Hands pressing on pulses. Their breathing sound loud in the dead of the night. No one is listening but them.

No one stopping them.

In the protective cradle of the forest, they finally get to be curious teens fooling around.

++++

They’re not anything, but not nothing either.

Something noticeably changed between them, but it’s not hard to hide what they are when even they are not sure what they are.

They have nothing but stolen kisses, sneaking out in the night to spend time alone. They don’t really talk, just touches that keep getting bolder. Eren’s feet coming up Armin’s legs under the table as he explains strategies. A hand on Eren’s inner thigh at a group dinner. Sex in the closet. Disappearing at night. Sneaking into each other’s room. Sneaking out in the morning.

Eren admits that feeding his hunger is exhilarating, he’s never felt this alive since he sees the future. Eren would never admit that this happiness scares him.

Eventually, the carpet will be pulled from under his feet, and Eren will have no one to blame but himself.

But Armin was right. Small dreams coming true are still better than dead dreams. Eren is living in his little secret of peacefulness whenever he’s pulled aside where no one can see them.

“Eren,” Armin murmurs, voice hoarse, curling towards Eren for warmth. Eren pulls the blanket over their naked shoulders, shimmying closer. He nuzzles on top of blond hair and smells the sun. Legs bare and long stretching along with Eren’s, Armin rest his temple against Eren’s. Since when did Armin get this tall? Armin plays with Eren’s shoulder-length hair. Since when did his hair get that long?

How did time pass so fast?

“Go back to sleep, it’s still early,” Eren says with familiar affection, a soft spot dangerously tender. He kisses the top of the blond hair by instinct and felt his heart squeeze. He wants to keep Armin here, in his arms, forever.

“I can go back to my room if you want,” Armin offers sleepily, knowing that Eren has been having difficulty sleeping, but not knowing the real reason why.

“Never, stay,” Eren feels a lump in his throat, small mercy grants him for it not to show.

They’re in Eren’s room at the furthest corner of the house that’s far inside the woods. They’re here for Titan experiments, the only other people in the house are Hanji and her assistant.

The window curtains are parted so they can see each other, can’t risk the lamp on to alarm anyone. As always, whenever they’re together, the moon is their only witness.

Eventually, the carpet is pulled from under his feet, Eren has no one to blame but himself. Still, his small dream coming true is still better than nothing at all, Armin was right, nothing surprising there.

He tucked Armin closer to him, caressing his back languidly, not wanting to let go ever. Tears building up his eyes, chest contracting, heart pounding, crying silently.

“I love you, Armin,” Eren says, as clear as saying hello in broad daylight. The body in his arm tensed. Blue eyes still bright even in the dark, open wide in shock, but the softness in his expression means Armin at least expected it.

For a while they say nothing, just stare and touch. Eren’s hands snake up to cup Armin’s jaw that keeps getting more defined. Both of them are nineteen, still growing, and Eren can never see what a handsome man Armin will grow into. Will he keeps his soft features? Or will he has a growth spurt to grow really tall and broad-shouldered? Eren will never have the answer.

But Eren has this.

This Armin that’s his. This Armin wants him. This Armin gave his firsts to Eren and given Eren’s firsts. He’ll take it, he’ll keep it till the day he dies.

Small dreams partially coming true. Is it still better than dead dreams?

“You don’t have to say anything,” Eren adds, knowing he still visits Annie, still has indescribable feelings for her. It doesn’t stop Eren leaning to kiss him by the sunlight roots. This part of Armin will forever be his, Annie can have the rest of Armin’s life.

Armin nuzzles closer, face buried in the crook of his neck. Shaky breaths hit Eren’s skin, arms tightening around his torso.

“I wish we have more time,” Armin’s voice broke, “I wish we’re not.... here.”

Eren hugs him closer, letting his heart falls. He knows Armin doesn’t mean it the same way as Eren would, but he lets himself wishing for it too. Wishing that this was another world, in another time, where they can be something and have more than a decade to live.

“I know. Me too.” Eren doesn’t let himself sob, so he just curled.

They say nothing more. Just holding each other until they fall asleep.

Or, only until Armin does.

Eren counts the seconds to his deep breaths before detaching himself from Armin. He doesn’t look away from Armin, not even when he picked up his clothes from the floor and dresses. Eren let one more tear escape as he put one last kiss on Armin’s temple and lips. Eren tucks him under the blanket and closes the curtains so the morning light won't be too harsh on him.

One last look before he closes the door, let his chest cave in, nurse the hurt that’ll last his short lifetime. Eren takes a deep breath, wipes his tears, and closes the door gently. Too weak for goodbyes.

Eren sneaks out into the stables, sushing the horse with pets and apples he stole from the pantry. Cloak on, hiding his face, he rides out into the pier where Yelena and Floch are waiting for him there.

Eren retraces his plan with Floch, and goes out on the boat with Yelena towards Marley. She hands him the Eldian uniform that fits him suspiciously well. Eren doesn’t hesitate to pierce one of his eyes and cut his leg.

When he’s finally at the Eldian camp, the despair in his eyes is barely acting.

++++

+++

When they meet again, Armin sees him with nothing but betrayal.

No love left there to scavenge.

But, once upon a time, Eren was wanted for the human he is by someone who could’ve chosen anyone.

Those eyes had looked at him fondly. He was precious to someone.

His small dream did come true.

#eremin #eremin fanfics #shingeki no kyojin #snk fanfiction #eremin fanfic #eremin fanfiction #eren yeagar fanfiction #armin arlert #eren jäger #they said bethrlsod name is hard #which yager is eren??#emocel's #attack on titan fanfiction #whenever i think of attack on titan i bleed a little #especially that Miche scene #i don't get horrified a lot but that scene....#haunts me

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