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dol-dee · 8 months ago

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So... you imagine DoL set in the early 2000s? ME TOO. Tell me more about that!

aaaaaaa yes I do!!!! (Sorry for the late reply haha. I kept forgetting to come back to this ask) I think I started to feel that way pretty early on, since there's hardly any electronics around in game.

You don't have access to a phone yourself (which, admittedly makes sense as an orphan) but electronics get barely mentioned in general. (I'm guessing the true reason for it, is that it would be too much of a hassle to implement electronics as a mechanic in game. bc arguably you should easily be able to buy a phone or w/e later on, if dol actually took place in our time) Named npcs often have phones to record you with (which I kinda forgot about tbh lmao) but unless in that context, phones don't get brought up at all iirc. None of the named npcs ever ask you for your phone number and Social media isn't really a topic of conversation either.

The only Computers that I remember mentioned in game are Leightons, Mickey's, Kylars and the one you can check in the police station. (I don't remember if Bailey even has one or not.) They are far and few between. They also all read as desktop computers to me and not laptops. Hell, the only gaming Console to ever be a topic of interest, is Robins. I don't think we hear of/see any handheld conosles at all. Even TV's rarely get mentioned.

Pop Culture, like manga, anime and games doesn't seem to be a big thing yet either.

All of that gives me the impression that most electronic is still pretty sparse and hard to come around and kinda reminds me of my childhood when those interests where still conisdered niche/nerdy and weird. The few characters that have desktop pc's seem to be ones that had/have enough money (like Kylar, maybe Bailey?) to foot the bill, are either in a high enough position of power to own one (like leighton) or they're involved enough in shady business that they might have the resources to have their own equipment (Mickey).

tbf a lot of my reasoning can be argued against or easily explained away, but I think dol is infinitely more interesting as a game/story when it's set during the early/mid 2000s, where most electronics were still hard to come by.

Oh and last but not least: it simply makes for easier story telling haha. I think there would be way more ""plot holes"" you'd have trouble explaining away if it was set during modern times. considering how much digital surveilance we have nowadays.

Aside from all the examples I just brought up, dol just has that 2000s grime to me. It's so grungy and dank in it's vibes that it always reminds me of that timeframe. Just has that kinda clunky/kitschy charm to it. (a more eclectic personal explanation is that the seasons in game still feel the way I remember them for my childhood. nowadays everything feels really out of wack thanks to global warming. Although I'm sure that people who are older than me would say the same haha)

to keep this already long post short(er lmao) I'm gonna go into some headcanons under the cut; Basically which Characters have electronics and why:

Avery: has an expensive af and extremely clunky looking (by todays standards) work laptop, that she sometimes lugs around. Also owned one of the first mobile phones. Those really big and blocky ones. Maybe even had one of those phones that were built into cars. However, I think shed be kinda annoyed by mobile phones*, even if she's extremely diligent in answering her calls. (the grind never stops) *based on this comic from 1919 about pocketphones: Mostly because she strikes me as someone who doesn't care to be overly accessible and also hates it when whatever shes doing at the moment gets disrupted by something else.

Alex: Canonically has a phone in game. To me it's a landline phone. They don't own much electronics beside it. They have no desktop pc and no mobile phone. (canonically the own a tv and I feel like they'd have a radio, maybe even an old record player) Bailey: It would make sense for them to have a desktop computer but I can't remember if they canonically (and with that I mean in game) do have one or not. I could see it either way tbh. As they strike me as a stubborn hard ass whos paranoid about electronics and quickly gets annoyed by it) They only own burner phones aside from the official landline phone thats designated for "over the counter" orphanage business. Eden: Has an old ass radio and an extremely dusty burner phone that bailey gave them once. They don't own anything else

Harper: has a mobile phone they got from Remy, it's purely for business. I don't think they have one for personal business. They own a pager though bc of the hospital. They probably have a desktop pc too if only for hospital stuff.

Kylar: Has a Desktop pc, their parents footed the bill for that many screened monstrosity (tbf i dont know enough to remember if old pcs are even able to have several monitors connected to them or not). Probably had a mobile phone once. Whitney stole it. They own a few consoles but they prefer pc gaming (pc master race /j) Some 2000s era games (with no consideration for an exact timeframe) that I think Kylar would be into are : Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines American McGee's Alice Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 / Persona 3 Portable The Urbz: Sims in the City The Sims 2 The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

Robin: No mobile phone, the only electronics they keep around (until they inevitably need to sell them for emergency money) are an old tv and a gaming console. I have no concrete headcanons regarding the exact console and games unfortunately. (They seem to like superhero related stuff and I don't remember enough games that I associate with that direction of the top of my head)

Sydney: Has access to a landline phone but thats it. they don't have a mobile phone. Maybe they got to look at/ try out a pc at Kylars house once upon a time, but I don't think Sirris has one themself. I might be off with this but I could see Sirris being the one who bought a few early nintendo consoles like the SNES and Game Cube. Maybe even a gameboy.

Whitney: I don't think Whitney or their family is particularly wealthy so all of the access to electronics that they got, is either through wealthier friends, bullying or stealing. They have a mobile phone and probably a few handheld consoles they nabbed off their victims (in secret).

#asks #ask #degrees of lewdity #dol meta #< uh kinda ig?? lmao #avery #alex #bailey #eden #harper #kylar #robin #sydney #whitney #replying to asks #sorry again for the late reply having no object permanence is a son of a bitch lmao #druxy cant stfu as always #yaptime

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bunsreverie · 11 months ago

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This is my first time posting nsfw on this blog, so I’m really nervous to post this. It was so fun to write though.. god I’m down so bad for him😞

NSFW BELOW, minors please dni !!

↓

. ࣪ ˖ Feng Xun general NSFW hcs:

• Feng Xun is basically a pillow princess, there’s no denying that. He’s quite lazy, so he mostly prefers lying back and letting you do whatever you please. That’s not to say he’s very submissive, I think he would still be the one in control in most situations despite his laziness. He feels more comfortable when you’re the one doing most of the work though, because you can take things at your own pace and go as you feel comfortable.

• He loves to praise you so much. Especially if he’s got you doing all the work, he’s gotta tell you how beautiful you look riding him and how well you take him, right? (He’s pretty big by the way.. so he wants you to take him at your own pace so that he doesn’t accidentally hurt you.) If he is close to finishing and getting impatient with your pace, he’ll grip your hips rather tightly and thrust himself up into you, which damn near throws you for a loop.

• He loves it when you are on top of him so much, you can go as fast or slow as you want, and he can just lie back and touch you. As you ride him, his hands are all over your body, stopping occasionally to squeeze your breasts gently. He’s got a perfect view of you- he’s pretty vocal with praise, he likes telling you how beautiful you look and he’ll call you his good girl/boy.

• Occasionally he will top you if you want him to, he definitely wouldn’t ever say no to that if you asked. Especially if you say you’re tired or don’t feel like moving, Feng Xun will happily do the work and fuck you. It’s the least he can do- even if he prefers when you ride him, he likes missionary as well because he loves to be able to see your face and be able to caress it. His thrusts are deep, slow, and even paced, but he can quickly become desperate and take on an erratic, fast pace if he is close- his desperation when he’s close is shameful. He likes to take it slow just because he wants you to be comfortable, but he also thinks it’s cute to see you whine and beg him for more.

• Just because he is lazy does not mean he’s inconsiderate. What makes up for his laziness is he LOVES giving oral. I feel like he would enjoy face-sitting so much. Like, you’re telling him he can just lay down and relax and please you at the same time, and he hardly has to move at all? Honestly, he could do this for hours if you’d let him, and he’s pretty good at it too. I don’t think he’s too experienced, but he is observant enough to learn very quickly what drives you crazy.

• Sometimes you have to tell him to stop or push his head away because if he’s eating you out/sucking you off he’s going to overstimulate you like crazy. It’s not like he really even means to either, he just can’t get enough of the cute noises you make, and the way your thighs tense up and jerk when he makes you come and still doesn’t stop his assault with his tongue. “Just a little more baby, you can handle it..” and he continues, just so he can listen to your desperate whines and pleas for him to have some mercy. He loves it when you are loud, and it riles him up so bad to see that he’s the one making you that way.

• Hear me out on this one.. Wake him up with a blow-job. (With previous consent of course) He’s going to act a bit agitated with you at first for ruining his sleep, but he’s only pretending. He secretly really loves when you do this. He already hates waking up, it’s his least favorite part of his day. But if you do that, I think it’ll probably become his favorite before long. Plus, his sleepy moans, half lidded eyes and messy hair sprawled out around him make him the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen, and you just can’t help wanting more.

• 9 times out of 10, that blow-job will probably turn into lazy morning sex, with his arms wrapped around you while lazily thrusting himself into you from behind. This isn’t his favorite position because of the way you have to nearly break your neck for him to see your pretty messy face, but he does enjoy how close your bodies are. I hope you’re not too ticklish, because his hands are going to be all over every inch of your body.

I don’t typically write nsfw so I apologize if this isn’t very good, I’m just crazy and I have to get my thoughts out there

#dislyte #dislyte feng xun #feng xun #dislyte x reader #x reader

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varilien · 1 year ago

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(character uses they/it) i keep wanting to start posting my ocs over here again and then Just Not Doing It so uhhhh !!! some stuff from february, had a dream about knives that made me think of a plant oc with a constant power output so extreme that it generates a deadly radiation field around them. because of that they've been living alone this whole time, avoiding contact with other living things, and over the years they've learned how to suppress that output for short spans of time or "safely" pour out the excess in order to be safe to be around, though they ultimately prefer their solitude due to a history of bad experiences with humans. they're very blunt, spiteful, and curious

@whatever-you-can-give-me suggested lr would make good friends for them since they are 🤝 about being extremely hard to hurt lol

also! wrote like 2k about they and razlo's first meeting below the cut if anyone's interested in some good ol violence + gore :3

that was a fr content warning btw read at ur own discretion:

Chance encounters with violent strangers out in the open desert are nothing new to LR, even when Livio purposefully had tried to find the quietest possible route to travel. It’s not even necessarily surprising to run into someone a little to the left of human, someone a bit bigger or stronger or more durable than they really have any right to be. The Eye aren’t the only ones designing freaks on this planet, that much is obvious, evidenced sufficiently by the odder fights LR have ever gotten in.

And this one is shaping up to be one of their oddest fights yet.

Livio hadn’t seen the fucker coming, occupied as he was with the slow realization of why this stretch of road doesn’t see much use anymore: a creeping heat across his nerve endings unrelated to the overcast, evening suns, the taste of metal in his mouth, and a deep-rooted nausea twisting up his guts. Radiation sickness. He’s dealt with it before, and as unpleasant as it is, it’s hardly enough to slow him down too bad.

It’s damn distracting, though. A good enough excuse for not noticing them hiding up along the rockface above his head. Not a good enough excuse to keep Razlo from tagging in, especially after something’s pierced straight through the back of his neck, nearly taking his head clean off.

Razlo rolls for cover with a strangled sound, blood gushing from his forced-out throat and foaming at his lips. Even with his senses jarred and his vision blurred, it'd take more than a near-decapitation for his instincts to be overridden. He's slinging out a Punisher before he even knows what he's up against.

There's a blur of motion to his right as soon as his sights are raised. They're probably surprised Razlo's still standing, but so was everyone else who's gotten a lucky shot at him.

He can track their motion by sound alone. They're sloppy. Feet hitting the cracked earth in hard thumps, every one a warning that Razlo can aim a spray of bullets at. And by now Razlo's healed enough to notice and wonder why the hell his head is still so fucked up.

At least now he can mostly see them when he turns, hanging back a ways, out of Razlo's reach. Shorter than him by a head and a half, covered toe to tip in layers of sun-bleached rags, save for their face. That's hidden behind a tall, curved mask, shaped in a way that looks an awful lot like a tomas' crest, with the false eye markings to match. Even the glass for the lenses is opaque. The only part of them that’s exposed is their left hand, extended delicately aside to keep Razlo’s blood dripping off it from getting on their clothes.

Razlo physically tries to shake out the buzzing in his skull that only gets worse by the second, only to notice the foul smell of burning meat and risk an instinctive glance down at his arm, where his flesh has started to bubble and steam seemingly on its own. He looks between his arm and his opponent, the way their body tenses and head begins to tip, shaking hard, simultaneous with his skin boiling that much more fiercely.

Something clicks in his brain. There’s no way.

And no time to find out. This time when they dart in he’s expecting it; he takes a swing at their head, and they dodge right into his follow-through, slamming his Punisher into their skull with a crunch and a wet sound from their throat. They drop, like he’d expect them to, like anyone would. And like no one does, they just roll out of the way and onto their back, braced to spring back up again. Razlo puts his boot through their ribcage before they get the chance to. That should be the end of it, too, but the fucker just keeps kicking, trying to get away, the only sound they make being the gurgle of their lungs filling with blood, and they keep kicking.

At this point Razlo doesn’t even have a plan anymore. Needless to say, he doesn’t go up against an awful lot of guys who match him in the department of being a pain in the ass to take down. Razlo's just starting to come up with a new idea when those long arms swing up, claws digging into and making ribbons of his right leg.

Razlo curses and tries to pull away, which only makes them hold on even tighter. He's staring that four-eyed glare down when that burning feeling across his whole body raises in pitch again, and it's the sight of his flesh starting to disintegrate around their fingers that finally makes him back off.

Razlo rather gracelessly falls on his ass in trying to take a step back, not expecting his right leg to simply break off halfway down his thigh. He scrambles back a ways, ready to keep going, missing limb or no, but— they aren't following him. They're collapsed in the sand, limbs akimbo as they fight to draw a full breath. Razlo watches with morbid curiosity as his severed leg dissolves into nothing more than an off-colored patch of sand beside them.

All that angry tension has gone out of their body, leaving them limp and motionless except for the stutter of their chest, and Razlo can hear the damp gasps muffled behind their mask. By all rights, it should look like more of a struggle. They should be dead, really, but from where Razlo is sitting, it looks a lot more like they’re just taking a rest. He feels more sure of that when they roll their shoulders back a bit, arms braced in the dirt as they delicately arch their spine. There’s some sharp popping sounds, and a little exhale from them; setting their ribs, Razlo figures. He’s had to do the same thing before. Once they can move their arms more effectively, they start to gather themself up into a seated position, bones and joints still crackling like popcorn here and there as they go, til they’re all the way up, with their hands resting in their lap, looking far too fucking comfortable for the fight they’d just had.

"You're not dead."

Their voice startles Razlo despite being as soft as it is, and his gaze flicks up to that mask, just slightly tilted to the side, orange lenses glinting in the harsh sunlight. They don't move at all that Razlo can see. Even their breathing has evened out enough to have become imperceptible under their heavy shroud; if they're in any pain still, Razlo sure can't tell.

"Nope," is all he says, or can manage to say.

He scrubs at his eyes with the back of his hand, blinking hard a couple times to scrunch up his face in the hopes his nerves might start feeling right again soon.

Another wave of nausea hits him, but his stomach was empty before the fight even started, so he leans forward to put his head between his knees and dry heave for a while.

The whole time, he's aware of his little opponent continuing to sit in silence, watching and eerily unmoving, even when Razlo manages to sit up again and wipe his mouth with his wrist.

"The fuck's yer deal, anyways?" Razlo asks.

"'Deal'...?" They echo.

"Couldn't exactly kill you, either."

He wasn't expecting them to spill their life story or something, but he was thinking he'd get something more of a response than their head tilting back the opposite way. There's not a lot to work with here in trying to get a read on them, but Razlo feels it's safe to hazard they're probably just pretty damn confused, the same as him.

"You kinda smell like a Plant. M'not an expert, but I've met two others."

Now that gets something out of them. A tiny wiggle of their head that makes the pieces in their mask rattle.

"I wouldn't know. I've only met me."

“Huh.”

Whether it’s a confirmation or rebuttal hardly matters at this point. He’s feeling sure enough that his assumption was correct, now, anyways.

"You, uh…" Razlo has to pause for breath. Unlike the thing across from him, he's having a hell of a time getting his back. "You're the one making this radiation field?"

"Yes."

"Any way you could turn it down?"

They say nothing, though Razlo feels suddenly that he's being studied very intently. And shortly after, slowly, slowly the fire in his cells begins to go out, and he can spit the worst of the sourness off his tongue. Eventually he can't feel any radiation left at all, though his body's had a rough enough time from the dose he got, he'll be getting the sickness out of his system for a while yet.

Regardless, Razlo’s fingers twitch against the triggers when he hears that mask rattle again, and his eyes are on it in an instant.

"You didn't answer my first question," Razlo reminds, cautiously.

More silence, for a while.

"You wanted to hurt me."

There's no malice in the statement, at least that Razlo can tell. Just the simple facts. Still, he narrows his eyes.

"You started it. Figured it was mutual."

"That's true."

Razlo grins.

"So, what now? Regrow my leg, and get back to not killing each other?"

"If you'd like to."

That gets a laugh out of him.

"Nah, I think I’ll pass, if it’s all the same to you.”

“It is.”

That much is obvious. They stay put, seeming transfixed on watching Razlo’s leg grow back, only a little more slowly than any of his other injuries, now that he doesn’t have the radiation to slow him down. It leaves him feeling itchy and achy all over, and he’s got a bad hunch that right ankle doesn’t have the best chances of coming back right. Once there’s enough of it to fuss about, he gets his foot in his hands and starts experimentally rolling it on its hinge, checking that the range of motion is right.

And still, those orange lenses glint at him curiously. They don’t flinch or look away when Razlo considers them in return; he guesses they don’t know it’s not polite to stare.

“What's yer name?" Razlo asks.

"My name?"

"Don't tell me you ain't got one."

The silence that follows is pretty self-explanatory.

“I’m Razlo.”

He can just make out the sound of them mumbling his name under their breath, like they’re not sure how it’s going to come out. Almost warmly, almost shyly, they manage to say: “hello, Razlo.”

#also you don't have to tell me their mask reminds you of tristamp zazie's everyone says that lmao #oc #oc: razlo's lil friend #razlo #razlo the tri punisher of death #livio #livio the double fang #cuz i've never read trimax chatting about lr n their lil friend just felt like the usual playing toys time of oc crossovers w friends lol #and for that reason i have not given any thought at all to them meeting any other characters jghkdjf #i figure i should probably post this now since i'm gonna be busy with the horror movie requests + halloween stuff for a while

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im-a-king-baby · 1 year ago

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Hiii!

I loved ELYN so much! And one scene I would love you to comment on is in chapter 14 when they're out by the lake, and they talk about their futures and their public personas, and I guess they both help each other get to thinking about their options in new ways:

“The first thing you ever said to me was that you weren’t allowed to talk about politics.” Simon bends down to pick a rock up from the grass, turning it over between his fingers. “I guess I’m just saying if this debate is live and there’s no script then this is your chance to tell people your story. To show them what kind of king you’re going to be.” He tosses the stone once in his palm, then throws it into the lake."

I really loved how this got Wilhelm thinking about what he wanted, and how he could go about to get it.

Thanks a lot 💜

No, thank YOU a lot <3 <3.

(This meme is bonus content for ELYN/Everybody Loves You Now which you can read on AO3 here. This post below the cut will contain spoilers.)

So the VERY FIRST line of YR fanfiction I ever wrote was: ‘The first thing Wilhelm ever said to Simon was, "I’m not allowed to talk about politics." It was a wake-up call, a reminder, that Wilhelm will always belong to Sweden first.’ It was originally for a different fic, then I stole it for a Simon POV ELYN-scene which I might post someday (snippet below), but that sense of responsibility is definitely one of the core parts of this kind of contemporary royalty story that is interesting to me. So the beginning of that quote is definitely something that was in my mind from the very beginning.

And it’s interesting to talk about this scene (and chapters 13/14 in general) and that progression to Wilhelm’s decision because it was hardly in draft 1, which jumped from Candace to the debate with very little in between. And then I kept expanding it, and rewriting it a million times (and then my beta was like ‘this isn’t working’ about some parts and I rewrote them several more times.) and these chapters more than a lot of the others I had to step back and really be like ‘what am I trying to achieve here, what are my character arcs, how do I balance that?’

The most important part of ELYN (to me) was that losing the vote had to be a Choice that Wilhelm made. I’ve seen some debates about whether people want an ending where Wilhelm abdicates or where the monarchy is abolished and I always think it misses the nuance that if monarchy is abolished it should be because Wilhelm abolishes it. To me, that’s what makes it an empowered narrative, rather than a story about society rejecting a queer king. And in ELYN, the other key plotline is this reconnection between Wilhelm and Simon and how that pushes them both to break out of these boxes they’re stuck in. On Simon’s side, Wilhelm is a reminder of his past and a wake-up call to how not-okay Simon is now. Pre the writing of 13/14 Wilhelm did had some influence from Simon, breaking the rules and pushing back on his mother and Minou, but I wanted there to be a clear character beat that tied Simon's return to Wilhelm’s making the decision to call for a 'no' vote.

Then it was a case of reflecting on the parallels of their lives, which was mostly this theme of being voiceless. Simon not being able to sing his own songs, vs. Wilhelm being handed speeches to read out and having to stick to the Official Story. And this is where Simon is kind of ahead of Wilhelm, in that he’s already had his ‘fuck it, they can’t stop me’ moment singing at the concert, so he gets to take the advice-giving role, which is nice to balance out their interactions a bit more so it’s not Wilhelm helping Simon all the time.

(In case you’re interested, this is one of the notes I sent my beta with the final rewrite (which kind of shows how I was approaching this transition from a character development perspective): ‘I’ve tried to make the split more clear so that in 13 his action is avoiding the debate (passive) and in 14 he switches to actively using the debate to change the vote.’)

Bonus snippet, here is the line from paragraph one in the Simon hotel scene:

The wind is bitingly cold. “Thanks, tack, love you all,” he calls down. “Have a good night!” He shuts the window, draws the curtains like maybe they’ll leave if they can’t see him. They won’t leave. They were there this morning when he went to an interview, then a doctor about the scratch in his throat, then an outfit fitting for the charity show. The numbers fluctuate but they’re never gone. He wonders how Wilhelm got past them. There must be another entrance, one that someone has decided Simme isn’t allowed to use, because they want to reward the loyalty of the fans freezing their fucking toes off to get a glimpse of him. Wilhelm wouldn’t risk being seen by them. Wilhelm knows how important is is to maintain his image. The first thing Wilhelm ever said to Simon was, ‘I’m not supposed to talk about politics.’ A wake up call. A reminder. That Wilhelm will always belong to Sweden first. And now Simon knows a little of how that feels, to have the expectations of thousands of strangers resting on his shoulders. Fortunately Simme’s image is much easier to maintain. A bit of smoky eye, a smile that promises sex, a never ending stream of photoshoots where the clothes are more or less optional. It all comes naturally: start at the neck of the bottle and work down.

#ELYN fic #commentary meme #trying to get these finished before nano consumes my life #can't believe it's been nearly a year since I started writing this fic #WHAT IS TIME #ELYN spoilers #I should write another YR fic

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alexandraisyes · 1 year ago

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A List of Common Traits Sociopaths Have

Note: These are a mix of personality traits (cannot be changed) and behavioral traits (can be changed) For the sake of simplicity, personality traits are the things that are considered the defining factor of a sociopath. Don't freak out if you have one or two of these, everyone has at least one symptom of every disorder ever, and that doesn't mean you are a sociopath. Also, please keep in mind this isn't a pretty topic that's sunshine and rainbows. It's a mental disorder and I do not intend on sugarcoating it.

Personality Traits

Lack of Empathy: Empathy is the ability to sense other people's emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. We literally cannot do that. We will not understand on an emotional level why you are upset, why you are crying, why you're laughing at something we said. We can understand on a logical level, not an emotional one. Sociopaths have to learn something called cognitive empathy, which is using critical thinking to understand another person's emotions and thoughts. We're logical, we can't understand your emotional issues without using cold logic, this can make people perceive us as cruel and inhumane when we simply aren't capable of empathizing.

Not Giving a Fuckery: Put bluntly, we don't care. You can't make us care. You can't persuade us to care. If we want to care about something, we will, and you will have no influence on whether that happens or not. And generally, we don't want to care either. We are capable of caring, but we are highly selective about what and who we choose to care about, and it tends to be someone we've known for long-term who has managed to wriggle past our walls. Even then we'll have periods where we just cannot give a fuck about them, even if they matter to us. It's a rocky road y'all, and the guilt afterwards is fucking hell (partly because we care about them and feel bad about not caring for a bit, but mostly because we aren't used to guilt and so it makes us feel feelings that we have no idea how to process.)

Lack of Guilt: Don't feel the need to go too deep into this cause I've already covered it. Look at the two above posts. Why would someone who has no emotional empathy and suffers from not giving a fuckery feel guilt about... hardly anything? We can feel guilt, I know this first hand. (That was a rough moment of my life there.) But it's also really easy for us to rationalize our actions and push it under the rug to never look at again. Which means it's really hard for us to find a reason to change our behavior when we hurt others, especially if they aren't people we care about. When it's someone we care about, it tends to go either "I can live without them (fucking lies)" or "I'm gonna lose them if I don't knock it off". I'll go into greater detail about the fucking lies statement there later on in the behavior section.

Guarded Trust: As stated briefly in point two, we have walls. We have a lot of walls. And a firing squad behind those walls if you managed to get past them. We don't want to trust you, and we might never fully trust you (just depends on the sociopath). Generally when people have their walls up that high there's some kind of vulnerability they don't want exploited, not so much the case with sociopaths. Most of us just are jaded and cold and uncaring, and we aren't hiding anything "for our own protection" (unless it's something like a case of consistent abuse to and past full maturation [adulthood] that will obviously have negative effects that make us doubly untrusting of others). So, if you manage to earn our trust, congratulations on sticking around long enough to do that. Now don't fuck it up.

Self Preservation: Some people claim that sociopaths are narcissistic (to be a narcissist is an entirely different personality disorder, but anyone can act narcissistic). I argue that a sociopath has no more inclination to act narcissistic than your average human being. What is actually perceived is our sense of self preservation, which is like yours... on steroids. We will always come first in our minds because why would you put something before you that you don't care about? If there is one oxygen mask, and there are two of us, and we both need oxygen to live, I would not hesitate in letting you die. Harsh, but honest. We tend to be called narcissistic because we share some traits with narcissists, like high charisma, intelligence, and we're highly tuned into other people's reactions and behaviors (a lack of empathy and caring makes it easier to completely dismantle someone in our minds). It's important to note that if we are going out of our way to do something for someone we don't particularly know or care about, it's generally because we want something from them, or we want to be able to get something from them in the future. We tend to play nice with others because they have something we want, whether this is a material thing, or in more self-aware sociopaths like myself, companionship. Also to note, we don't give a shit what you think about us unless it's going to cause us issues with getting what we want from you, our ego isn't at stake like a narcissist's is. We don't brag about ourselves or try to impress you, and we tend to keep the conversation off of ourselves. You can talk with me for hours on end, and walk away knowing nothing about me and I will know everything about you unless you ask the right questions that get me to talk about myself. If I humor you with the all about Alex, it's because I find amusement in your reaction to what is honestly quite a horrifying story. This is pretty common behavior for a sociopath I found out, haha.

Lack of Intrusive Thoughts: Don't ask us what we're thinking and expect an honest answer, you don't want to know what is actually happening in our head. We don't care, remember? We aren't bothered by thoughts that are about immoral topics and actions, and we just brush them off like we do with any other thought. The only times I have ever considered a thought intrusive is when it involved hurting someone I care deeply about (my mom and generally my cats) or involved breaking my personal moral code. Past that, we will literally think about anything and not bat an eye. We also generally aren't going to be affected by viewing traumatic content unless it ties directly into our own traumatic experiences (or, again, involves someone we care about), and this tends to be the case with most sociopaths. A thought about brutally murdering our family has the same tone as needing to make sure we remember to pick up more coffee next time we go to the store, and it won't bug us like it will a normal person.

No Uno Reverse: Sorry, but if you want to pull a fast one on a sociopath, it's not going to work. You can't manipulate us. You can't threaten us. You can't persuade us. You can bribe us, but that's not manipulation at that point, that's you offering up goods to earn our favor. Honestly... if you were to bribe us for our favor, at that point technically the tables just got turned bozo. You also can't offend us easily. You can piss us off, you can get us riled up, but you're not going to be able to easily find something that's going to get us real upsetti spaghetti for longer than that moment. And if we are upsetti spaghetti, it's not really because we're offended, we're just pissed off at your insolence and audacity and generally mocking you in our heads for being a dumbass. Not saying that you can't manage to offend us, just that it's a hard game and are you even sure the outcome is worth it? You can't make us jealous either, we don't give a shit.

Aromantic: If you are a sociopath you are automatically aromantic. The brain? Yeah that's fucking broken when it comes to chemical love. We can't love you the way you want us to, and we will never be able to. We can love but it's not the same as what the normal person thinks of when they think of loving someone. We will never fall in love with you, and it's not fair to us to expect us to. The best you'll get from us is the effort we will put into the relationship, not because there's some deep emotional connection, but because we care and that's the most you're going to get. If we stick around, put in effort, are willing to compromise and go out of our way to make you happy, that's how we show we "love" you. A relationship with a sociopath will never be romantic on their part, and it will feel a lot like having a best friend instead of a romantic partner. We give out limited affection on a good day, so it's wise to know what you're getting into. (Note: We can learn to be more affectionate if it ends up benefiting us by doing so, but we won't actively seek out things like touch, and you need to both ask if you want it from us, as well as ask before touching us as a general rule of thumb because we aren't touchy people to start with. If we dole out touch like it's candy, it's generally for your benefit and not because we crave it. Always get an okay just in general really before you touch someone else unless they have specified you don't need to ask.)

Blunt: Almost painfully so. We aren't going to beat around the bush unless we are trying to manipulate a situation (this isn't always malicious by the way, a good chunk of the manipulation we do isn't because we're trying to be bad, it's either self-preservation or trying to navigate a situation. It's just that it's also really easy for us to be manipulative for other reasons since we won't feel bad about it that makes this an issue). We don't see a reason to run circles around things, and we are very straight forward, even if we may not act like it at times. We really don't care if you don't like what we have to say.

Bored: We are so so sooooo bored all the damn time. We like interacting with people because it's exciting. We like shiny buttons that give us reactions, and we really really like to press them for better and for worse because it's amusing. It's something to do. A lot of us don't have a healthy way to deal with boredom, which leads to drug and alcohol abuse, petty crimes, sex addiction, etc. Stuff that makes us feel something other than just... empty. The lucky ones (like me) figure out how to manage ourselves, impulses, and the way we interact with others. I fight off my boredom by drawing. For an idea of how bored I fucking am, I draw every day, up to twelve hours a day.

Pride: I'm not going to sugar coat it, we're very very prideful. You want to hurt a sociopath? Attack their pride. That's the only way you're going to do it.

Not Evil: No one is born inherently evil, and neither are sociopaths. A sociopath is formed, not born. Most of us are non-violent, and do the majority of our 'acting out' in highschool and young adulthood. A lot of us end up in juvenile detention at least once because of our ingrained lack of impulse control (I went to juvie three times and committed a handful of misdemeanors). We can be horrible people, but so can someone who is "normal", and considering the population of people who are criminals (5% estimate) compared to people who are sociopaths (less than one, and most of us are again, nonviolent)... yeah that says more about humanity than it does sociopathy. We may, however, appear heartless due to the lack of an instinctual moral compass.

Constant: Let's face the facts, a sociopath isn't going to change. Your personality is constant. Being a sociopath is a huge part of our personality. Your personality doesn't change, and neither will ours. However, we can change and improve by working on our behaviors and going through intensive cognitive behavioral therapy, as well as similar types of intensive therapies that appeal to logic rather than emotion.

Behavioral Traits

The Mask: This is huge, so it's the first. A sociopath's mask is an intricate and meticulously crafted façade designed to camouflage their true thoughts, emotions, and intentions. This carefully constructed persona serves as a social shield, concealing the underlying aspects of our personality that deviate from societal norms. This mask is characterized by a calculated presentation of charm, affability, and a keen ability to adapt to various social scenarios. It reflects a superficial normalcy that enables us to seamlessly integrate into social circles, concealing our inherent lack of empathy and emotional depth. It is not merely a tool for social interaction; it is a strategic move employed to help manipulate and navigate the complexities of human relationships that we literally don't understand. It allows us to mimic conventional emotional responses and create an illusion of connection, while beneath the surface... to put it poetically, an emotional void persists. This deceptive exterior often includes a convincing display of sincerity, engaging conversational skills, and an ability to mirror the emotions of others. The mask is not a fixed entity; rather, it is adaptive, evolving to suit the specific context and individuals involved. It is a versatile tool, enabling them to exploit social dynamics for personal gain without raising suspicion. Behind this facade, however, lies a stark contrast to conventional emotional experiences. The mask is a calculated projection, lacking the genuine emotional depth and connection that characterize authentic human interactions. It serves as a mechanism for self-preservation, allowing us to navigate social landscapes without revealing the true nature of our emotional deficit.

Trust Via The Mask: There are three reasons we'll take off our mask.

We're fucking tired. It's so exhausting pretending to understand shit, and pretending to care, so if our mask slips, don't hate on us for it, we're just exhausted. It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to keep it up all the time, and the more physically worn out we are, the less energy we have to mask in social settings. It's important to remember that we are humans too, and our mask slipping and revealing glimpses of who we actually are underneath the layers we put on for those around us is okay. No one can be perfect all the time, and if we're so tired we can't keep up the act that says a lot about our mental state (that we aren't going to inform you of).

We trust you. In the context of sociopathic behavior, we may, under certain circumstances, allow our carefully maintained mask to momentarily slip, particularly when a sense of trust has been established in a relationship. This occurrence can indicate a level of confidence in the associated individual, granting them insight into the less guarded aspects of our personality. The decision to reveal our nature in the presence of trust is not a small thing, it reflects a deliberate choice to expose an unfiltered version of us to the individual. During these instances, there may be a temporary departure from the usual emotional detachment characteristic of sociopathy, offering a brief and somewhat paradoxical glimpse into more authentic expressions of thoughts and emotions. For those privy to such moments, a measured approach is advisable, recognizing the significance of the trust extended while maintaining awareness of the inherent boundaries in understanding our emotional terrain.

We want to fuck with you. The deliberate decision to drop the mask, not out of a necessity driven by trust or fatigue but rather as a calculated maneuver for personal amusement or manipulation isn't uncommon (I admitted earlier I too am guilty of this behavior). This can serve us as a tool for gauging and influencing the reactions of others, showing an inclination to navigate social dynamics for our own amusement or gain. In instances where we intentionally discard our mask, the primary motivation lies in observing the impact on those around us. The reactions of others tend to be a source of entertainment or a means of manipulation, providing a sense of control and satisfaction for us in the moment. This calculated move allows us to assess the vulnerabilities and responses of those in our social sphere, offering valuable insights that can be harnessed for future interactions. It is crucial to acknowledge that this intentional unmasking is not a manifestation of genuine emotion or a display of trust but rather a strategic decision grounded in our inherent ability to read and exploit social dynamics. For those on the receiving end of this intentional unmasking, good luck. If you aren't aware of what's going on, you're kind of doomed to get back on even ground with them. It's a bit of a power high to catch somebody so off guard, and then go back to normal, and it's a bad habit I'm personally trying to break. But a lot of us... don't really care about improving so most of us aren't trying to not do that.

Cruelty: Woah, this is a negative trait guys, just an FYI. So keep in mind that while this is a common behavior in sociopathy, not every sociopath is an asshole on purpose, and others can be working to improve. Anyone can be cruel. Cruelty, in this context, is not an incidental byproduct of emotional distress but rather a calculated choice driven by a lack of empathy and a heightened focus on personal objectives. We may engage in deliberate acts of cruelty, exploiting the vulnerabilities and emotions of others without experiencing the moral or emotional constraints that typically deter such behavior. This intentional cruelty can manifest in various forms, including verbal aggression, manipulation, or actions designed to inflict emotional or psychological harm (again, we don't tend to be violent). The absence of empathetic responses allows us to navigate social interactions without the emotional burdens that typically accompany acts of cruelty (like guilt). It is essential to understand that this deliberate cruelty is not generally driven by malice but rather by a self-serving motivation. We tend to view others primarily in terms of utility, with acts of cruelty serving as means to achieve personal goals, assert dominance, or maintain control within relationships. Recognizing the potential for cruelty in individuals with sociopathic traits is crucial for those interacting with them. Establishing healthy boundaries and maintaining a level of emotional detachment can help mitigate the impact of such behavior. Additionally, fostering an understanding of the distinct emotional landscape of sociopaths allows for a more informed approach to navigating relationships with these individuals. It's equally important to recognize when there is the potential for improvement, while also knowing your own limits. The average human being cannot help a sociopath, we need a trained professional’s assistance.

Quiet: The tendency for us to maintain a quiet demeanor is often rooted in a strategic awareness of societal norms and a recognition that openly expressing our thoughts can evoke fear or discomfort in others. This silence, or even distracting ourselves with meaningless chatter, serves as a self-protective measure, allowing us to navigate social interactions without triggering negative reactions based on the unconventional nature of our thoughts and perspectives. The fact that we don't often talk about ourselves does not necessarily translate to being a good listener. We don't tend to actively engage in empathetic listening or exhibit genuine interest in the concerns of others. In social scenarios, we may carefully observe and selectively respond to maintain a calculated distance from emotional entanglements. Understanding this dynamic is essential for managing expectations and fostering realistic communication in relationships with sociopaths. We don't care about your issues, and if we ask about them we're doing so out of morbid curiosity more often than not.

Threatening to Leave: Sociopaths approach relationships with a pragmatic and calculated mindset, often weighing the perceived benefits and losses associated with their connections. Threatening to end a relationship may not elicit the anticipated emotional response unless the sociopath perceives it as a significant loss or a threat to our personal interests. We tend to view relationships through the lens of utility, assessing the value and advantages they derive from the connection. If they perceive that ending the relationship would result in a notable loss or detriment to their goals, we might respond with a level of concern. In such cases, the threat of relationship termination becomes a strategic consideration rather than an emotional trigger. It is important to recognize that the sociopathic response to relationship threats is grounded in a rational evaluation of self-interest rather than emotional attachment. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for those navigating relationships with sociopaths. Effectively communicating concerns or influencing behavior may require appealing to our perceived self-interest rather than relying on emotional appeals.

Walking Away: For a sociopath, the prospect of someone we care about choosing to leave may not lead to the typical emotional experience of heartbreak, as we don't engage in the conventional experience of love. However the emotional impact of such an event, while not precisely analogous to heartbreak, can be remarkably close and centers around our sense of pride and ego. This is not just romantic relationships, but also platonic ones. We often derive a sense of identity and self-worth from our ability to navigate relationships with a certain level of control and influence. The act of someone choosing to leave, particularly if it is unexpected or challenges our sense of self and can result in a significant blow to our pride. The feelings of rejection or failure may prompt a strong emotional response, even if it doesn't align with the traditional concept of heartbreak. While we may not experience heartbreak in the conventional sense, the impact on our pride and ego can be a powerful and challenging emotional experience for them, and can leave us with feelings of helplessness (which makes us resentful) and self hatred if our disorder is blamed as the causation of the relationship failing.

Funny man: We do have a sense of humor, albeit it's one that often leans toward the darker and more unconventional side. This distinctive humor arises from our unfiltered thoughts and the keen ability to perceive and appreciate the absurdities or ironies of life that tend to elude others. We often find amusement in topics that others might perceive as morbid or taboo. Our unfiltered thoughts let us see the humor in situations that might be uncomfortable or unsettling for many. The unbridled nature of our thoughts allows us to view the world through a lens unencumbered by societal norms or emotional sensitivities. We lack the typical social filters that might restrain others from finding humor in certain topics. However, while we may appreciate dark humor, we do tend to recognize the need to share it selectively, and we're capable of shifting what we put out there enough to be acceptable and humorous to different groups of people.

Friendship Potential: While we are often characterized by a lack of emotional empathy and a pragmatic approach to relationships, it's good to recognize that our honestly unique qualities can contribute to the potential for us to be great friends in certain contexts.

Logical Perspectives: Sociopaths, with our cold, logical perspectives, can offer insights and advice that are unclouded by emotional biases. This rational approach can be valuable, especially in situations where objective analysis is required.

Reliability and Consistency: Sociopaths may exhibit a high level of consistency and reliability in our friendships. Our pragmatic nature often translates into clear communication and straightforward expectations, reducing the likelihood of unpredictable behaviors.

Solution-Oriented Approach: The problem-solving skills we hold can be an asset in a friendship. Our focus on achieving goals and navigating challenges efficiently can contribute to finding effective solutions in various situations.

Honesty as a Form of Care: Sociopaths, in our own way, may express care through brutal honesty. While this honesty may be unsettling, it can be interpreted as a sincere effort to provide transparent insights, devoid of the social niceties that often accompany communication.

Loyalty to a Select Few: Though generally characterized by a lack of empathy, we may form genuine bonds with a small circle of individuals. This selective loyalty can result in deep and lasting friendships, where we are able to demonstrate commitment and support.

#mental health #accurately talk about mental health #alex talks #sociopathic disorder #antisocial personality disorder #mental health talk #information #informative post

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tsukiyadori · 29 days ago

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On the Use of cheese, fluff, spice, chili and Other Things Luna-Lingo

There are some self-coined words in my personal use that frequently confuse people, but some people to whom I talk with more frequently have come to get used to them with a more or less rough idea.

I have also been using them rather freely in the ramblings on this blog as well, as most of those posts were originally written with just me or at best that audience in mind, but it looks like there are some silent readers joining in as followers and other people occasionally drop in via the tags.

So I figured, maybe I should just assemble what these mean in one linkable place.

This will also include a bit of a historical excursion of how they came to be. If you are simply just interested in TL;DR definition of each of their meaning, skip to what's bold.

General Luna:

Lunatastic: Everything very Luna. Basically the adjective to the noun Luna.

Moon Resident: Luna hails from and mostly lives on the Moon (not exactly behind the moon) and is therefore a moon resident. (Which is my preferred term to being an alien.)

Earthling: Everyone who lives on earth. In most cases can be substituted as "normal people", I guess.

On Cheese

The roots of this one go back to my adolescence and up to my early adulthood. Those years were spent with pretty much no clue getting crushes, falling in love, dating and other things that make up the average usual teenage puberty insanity. Education on it in school and from actual people in my environment was, let's say, underwhelming if it wasn't outright applied shaming upon any attempt to actually learn anything about it from someone. One of the still nicer things I got told was that I'll learn it in due time. Once I fall for someone, I'd know, or I'd have no choice but to want to know. And before that was to happen it was indicated or make clear in a variety of ways that there is no use talking about it, because neither would it be relevant nor could one even talk about it, because it's like talking to somebody color-blind about colors. (I shall not rant here, but everything about this is very very wrong if not outright dangerous.)

There were two collateral effects to this:

While I never really had an emotional need to really get behind these things, I still did not feel particularly great about not knowing "the obvious". So I tried to fill in the gap intellectually, which resulted in some, admittedly, pretty bizarre questions people didn't know how to answer or didn't take seriously. People are to this day still bemused how innocent and unknowing I can be and at times or outright think I must be trolling at other times. I can handle this a lot better today and see things embedded in a bigger picture, but back then I was eventually just feeling angry, insulted and other things upset about anything in this subject territory.

The second thing was, people, well, did not particularly enjoy ever talking to me and while there are a multitude of different reasons this was surely part of it. Sex-ed and the like in school was underwhelming for any of us, but all this stuff is ultimately a huge part of puberty and people were actively curious and emotionally in need to fill out the gaps and I think most people learned it with private talks to parents, other adults in their families, mentor figures slightly older or their age peers. What formed were things that look to me like secret conclaves over common issues, problems, same to similar storms to weather. These things probably also brought a lot of people together at the time and gave grounds to form bonds of any level of depth. I for my part did not even hold the most basic 'we are peas of the same pod' entry ticket, and then I was asking all my incessant exhausting questions which didn't at all obfuscate the fact there was zero understanding of it as well as hardly any sort of empathy present that people could expect to draw from me about their own cheese worries. People were exhausted by their own hormones wreaking havoc, so of course I was just a headache to deal with and people kept their distance.

Which also meant aside from having no clue about everything love, crushes, dating, romantic/sexual relationships I also didn't have much of a clue about common friendships, casual friendships, camaraderie, "nakamas", buddies, pals and where the boundaries from one to another are being drawn.

And more than anything was I somewhat full of scorn. This was basically my face at the time:

So right in line with the mood, the first term that came about was the German word 'Schnulze'. If you look this up you get this from the dictionary: weepie, sobstuff, slushy or schmaltzy song/book/flick.

'Schnulze' is a term mostly applied to soppy ass sappy soap operas that make no sense, are overly dramatic and theatrical and feel staged and unreal. And more than anything, it's derogatory. Which was the point, it expressed my scorn. And I pretty much misused it on anything that even had a slight whiff of all those things I did not understand nor anyone managed to ever explain to me. I wanted to stay away from it all, which I did by shunning it and for a couple of years that was a somewhat simple thing to do.

I wasn't very present in any English places, but in earlier terms I mostly used something like "dumpster love nonsense" or calling cheese-stricken characters having completely fallen on their heads, "Moe-blob-idiots" or some such.

Eventually, life caught up with me in young adulthood. You cannot live in this world without having a decent idea of these things. It causes damage to anyone around you due to negligence and carelessness. It can also bring danger to yourself all the same. That took me a long time to learn and realize as a fact. I also slowly caught up that a few ideas and conclusions I had from observing the surrounding 'madhouse' were, let's say, extremely off.

And the more I learned about this, now in an environment with access to more sophisticated books, internet, people's reviews and reactions to fictional media, discussions thereof of what's plausible, buyable, realistic or not, adult lunch break talks and presentations of talks from sex/love therapists and whatnot I slowly started to get some clues.

It didn't change however that I still had no idea about where the boundaries of romance/sex and any other sort of amical bounds were. It also didn't change that while my scorn faded it was still all annoying me, because I did not have a clue or not enough of it.

My face morphed into something more like this:

Instead of scorn (and maybe hate), it now was more something like exasperation and I wanted a new word, that was less derogatory, less of a misuse, a little bit more tangible, but also still on point about that exact exasperation and the still remaining traces of my scorn about it all. And where I didn't have to worry that much about the distinction between love in the romantic/sexual sense or any other. (It's still tricky half of the time.)

There is an expression in German called "Was für ein Käse" (lit. "what sort of cheese") with variants like "So ein Käse!" (lit. "what cheese!"). It expresses how something is rubbish or nonsense.

At the same time there is the english word "cheesy", which describes something sappy, corny, tacky. In German there is the word 'kitschig' for this, but somehow Kitsch just feels a deal much more derogatory to me than cheesy or corny would be.

So I took up 'cheese', it represented the nonsense it was all to me, but I was still in need to somehow understand while it also kinda put me off like how cheesy stuff does. And because I had no clue about the boundaries, it didn't just apply to romance and sexual things, but could also apply to anything else, as long as there is a sense of cheesy tearjerky drama, jokes or exaggeration to it....... or well, came off like that to me.

Another part of it is I also happen to not particularly enjoy eating real cheese. The faces I make (or internally make) over the real and figurative cheese are pretty much the same.

HOWEVER!

There are circumstances where I will enjoy eating even real cheese (or even spice). I will not say no to a very good pizza or lasagna (albeit they are super hard to be found really well-made) and I will also not say to leave the cheese out of them, because some dishes need their cheese, or they just don't work. I also happen to really like cream cheese, which by all means is technically cheese, but does not taste like cheese.

And it's the same thing with figurative cheese, as I later found out.

Enter the era of cheese subtypes! (This is the present era, still ongoing.)

So this is what there is to cheese currently:

Cheese: Umbrella term, cheese is my term for everything cheesy, gaudy, and well, that sort of embarrassing nonsense. It can be about, but isn't necessarily limited to be about love, romance, and sex. It can also be about nakama, friends forever, be your true self blabla, but quantitatively speaking the biggest share of it is made up by all the romance or horny porny gibberish.

Liebesgedaddel (lit: love+twisted version of "Gedudel" which means tootling, racket): German-sphere only. If I lack the opportunity to use cheese, but also don't really want to explain this whole essay and am somewhat sure it's likely more about romance/love, this gets used.

Gefühlduselei (lit. sentimentalism, soppyness): German-sphere only. If I lack the opportunity to use cheese, but also don't really want to explain this whole essay or really it has nothing to do with romance or even cheese exactly, but is just tacky.

Sappy Soppy (Ass) sap/cheese: Kind the same as 'Gefühlduselei', just in English. If I lack the opportunity to use cheese, but also don't really want to explain this whole essay or really it has nothing to do with cheese exactly, but is just tacky. May get combined with cheese for a superlative.

Regular Cheese, (Bog-)Standard Cheese: Your average cheese dish. Does nothing really wrong about it, but really has nothing really noteworthy or special about it either. Very by the book if you so will. Tastes about as Gouda tastes to me. I can eat it if it presents itself to me by the occasion, but I will not particularly enjoy it.

Bad Cheese or Rotten cheese: Cheese that is bad, stinky or rotten, so like, it's things that clearly do not really do the characters any good and, by extension, me the reader. Things that propagate your usually bad takes and ideas. I've been asked what an example for mold cheese types would be, the answer is, there is none, because just like real cheese, if I taste that the cheese is repugnant in my mouth I will usually not bother trying to figure out if it was Gogonzola, Camembert, Brie or hard cheese (stuff like e.g. Parmesan). Much like their real cheese versions other people may dig it anyway. But the most diplomatic face I make at it is something like this:

Toxic Cheese: This is always also rotten cheese, but these are extra bad, because they treat the bad takes as a given or even romanticize to glorify them. However, not every questionable or toxic relationship depicted will make the piece of work automatically toxic cheese itself. It highly depends on how the narration treats and paints it. (So like the thing Subaru and Seishiro from Tokyo Babylon+X/1999 have between them is basically everything a bad idea, but the story makes no qualms about how bad it is and what damage it causes and narratively, in a purely fictive sense, there is something fascinating about them to keep on reading/watching.)

Cheese Trash: This is always also either bog-standard or bad cheese, but it's so dumb and overly clearly dumb it's kinda less offensively bad rather than just dumb. Just gets tossed into the personal trash bin and will not be missed.

Dumpster Cheese: Cheese that is either bog-standard or has some really unrealistic or questionable takes, but there is a sense of self-consciousness, self-irony or narrative winking about it. Has this sort of trash entertainment factor to it. So it kinda serves up one after another and there's some morbid curiosity of how far it dares to go. Think of something like Domestic Girlfriend. Usually what separates dumpster cheese from bad to rotten cheese is that they tend to have at least some redeeming points to them and a whiff of self-deprecation because of the self-consciousness.

The Golden Rule of Cheese: This is a reference to the Golden Rule of Shoujo, but more generalized. There is also the idea that genre romance MUST have their romance pair work out, or it's not romance. And sometimes you just see everything in the world of the story is willed to have them get together, because that's just their fate. It kinda iffs me off more often than not, but if it does the characters good, and they walk out of it for the better, it’s fine. Usually gets used on things that are over about it from the beginning. So like your typical romance genre romance that from the beginning is set up to go down the route like this.

The Obligatory Cheese: Same as Golden Rule of Cheese, just in shorter, broad terms. About everything forced. Like when you just know it has to have cheese, because it has to please the readership, or if a story has this shoehorned ending of them getting together because that's the way it has to go. Usually applies to things that aren't focused on telling exactly a cheese story and have enough else to go to sustain it even without the cheese, but of course it must still have it. Because just because.

Cheese Infection: Basically falling for somebody, or getting infected with the sappyness of a cheesy friendship, nakamaism and whatnot. Anything that makes them go corny themselves. Usually used on the moment that causes a cheese affliction.

Cheese Affliction: Somebody infected with cheese. Mostly used on somebody having a crush or just getting really dumb due to said crush. (Think of Boa Hancock from One Piece for an extra notorious comedic example.)

Cheese Suffering: Somewhat self-explanatory. When characters suffer from their cheese affliction. So, like any type of lovesickness.

Hilarious Cheese: When their cheese affliction makes characters so dumb, it's funny again. Requires some good grasp on comedic skills in the narration.

Soft Cheese: Stuff like Mozzarella or Emmentaler in terms of real cheese. These are the cheese types among common cheese that I seem to prefer most in dishes that have cheese if they have to have it. For media stuff, it's a bit hard to draw the line of when something is still soft and not just common or even bad or obligatory cheese. Ultimately, it depends on whether it tasted to me or not. Soft cheese can actually contain spice and chili as well, so it's not really depending on how innocent it all is.

Mozzarella: A soft cheese and among the common cheese types that I find most edible. Also known for how much you can stretch it. Usually stuff that is commonly called "so cute that it just makes you feel happy looking at them" falls in here, but like. Mozzarella is also stretchy. While most would go Uwaaaah!, I'm mostly like: This is okay and nice and all wholesome, but does it really have a need for this extra emphasis? (Flowers, petals, feathers, glitter, pomp, extra huge paneling etc.). It feels… just a bit stretchy. If it's a shoujo it might also just get stretchy, because it takes forever to progress while sticking to the same piece of cheese.

Cream Cheese: This is a wild exception to cheese. For this is by all means cheese no matter how you look at it, but for some reason does not taste like cheese. Just like how real cream cheese does not taste like cheese and I very much dig cream cheese, while cheese is a range from sufferable to repugnant. The line of cream cheese in works of media is very blurry, and I have no idea beforehand what makes cream cheese that and not some other cheese. The only thing it seems to have in common is that cream cheese will always contain fluff (see below) in some way or another, but just having fuwa fuwa will not necessarily make it fluff or cream cheese. The term first came about upon reading Kimi ni wa Todokanai/I Cannot Reach you. This is a BL, while also being very shoujo and somehow it was kinda half clear it was ultimately going the Golden Rule of Cheese, and it's also walking from one romance trope to another, technically, but for the first four volumes it never really tasted like even soft cheese. The series however has had some takes on bad cheese in v5 and ever since v7 it's sadly become more or less regular cheese.

Some lingo for cute, moe, badass etc.

Too much sugar: Interchangeable with sappy soppy ass sap.

Kariessüß/cavietes sweet: It just much of the sweetness, whether that be the romance-sweet or overdone character cuteness of being small, little, round and some such. Some of Koge Donbo's works have had a naming of "Queen of Kariessüß" from me for a while. (She has been know as the Queen of Moe at around the late 2000s.) Mostly it was my disappointment, because I did like the second half of PitaTen quite a deal, but the other works are. erm. something. I guess. Usually this bunch includes the moe-blob-idiots.

Moe-blob-idiots: Seldom in use by now, but describes characters that were clearly conceived with moe traits in mind and tend to be extremely airheaded, clumsy, inept and if you want to be mean, overly daft in their heads. Mostly they tend to be very innocent, so sporting oblivious cheese all around, no intelligence for common sense, scheming or ability for ulterior motives. Of course they have no real clue about romance, spice and chili and I've (had? still have?) some major qualms against them, because their lack of any sophistication on anything more juicy is kinda implicitly explained by their daftness.

Rule of Cool: Something that is stylised to make a character look badass and cool on the regular, but usually it completely falls flat on me.

Badass: Some character that is just cool and rocks and just really rocks. But also isn't really a Mary/Gary Sue either. (And thus probably not out of some power fantasy work.) Or the rare instances where Rule of Cool actually worked on me. Or really I just am into the character and they show up too rarely, then any instance of them showing up may already count as badass (that's very rare tho.)

Eyecandy, Feast for the eyes, Augenweide: Characters that kinda are sheer badass just in being. Does not necessarily have to be actually good characters, this is more vibes speaking in how they presented themselves in the moment or scene. Black Lady from Sailor Moon is darn eye candy. (Galaxia kinda rocks, as well.) Kiss-Shot from the Monogatari Series is and sometimes Shinobu comes back to be like that. There is a tendency for these characters to be female strong characters who keep using every bit of their feminine presentation, but combine them with recurring traits of character coolness or owning the room/dominance/power that usually predominantly gets attributed to masculinity. Can be male characters, too, but it appears those fall more easily into slick suave turn offs or machos. Adult-Hibari from Katekyo Hitman Reborn's future arc for whatever reason falls into it too. (My best guess is that the way he wears his suit in combat is to blame.) You'd think femme/homme fatale would meet it, and they tend to, but if the sexual sensitivity/electricity is too strong or wolfishly tauntingly there, it kinda doesn't work. So Mine Fujiko from the Lupin franchise for example doesn't fit in. Characters who are onto emancipation and bla bla usually also don't fit in, because they tend to sorts of actively try denying their femininity they do have, so for example also no Utena from Revolutionary Girl Utena. (That does not have to mean female characters have to always wear skirts and dresses.)

On Fluff

This sort of evolved out of Cream Cheese and mixed itself with the normal vocabulary of 'fluffy'/'fluffig' or the japanese fuwa fuwa. However, fluff is a little bit different for me compared to those common terms.

Fluff in media to me is if it inspires a feeling that is the equivalent of the following:

eating a very tastefully balanced fluffy and delicious mousse, panna cotta or some other creamy dessert. Especially mousse, which is very fluffy. It must have the fluffy texture on the tongue and melt in the mouth as such. (So e.g. candy floss does not count.) They can be fruity or even savory, have sesame, matcha tastes. Cream Puffs also do the job, albeit to a lesser extent than mousse. A good panna cotta is absolutely delectable.

the wholesome fuzzy feeling when petting a rabbit, which at the same time expressively makes it clear to be enjoying the pets themselves. This works in selective very rare cases also on cats and does the absolute opposite with dogs, which I do not like. Any other animal, no matter how much of a similar fur to rabbits they may have appears to stir absolutely nothing. It's paramount the rabbit is enjoying getting the pets. If it's just willing, but not exactly enjoying it (like when it uses it as a means to woo for food), then it's just the regular fuwa fuwa with fluffy fur, but it is not 'fluff'.

In some cases: the Hnngnnngh feels of fluff, when a peculiar of glaring haughty royal bun type is kinda being all really tsundere in its way of relenting and showing a little bit of trust in you. It doesn't have to be by willing get pets, exactly, but can be anything. So far, it appears to only ever work on tsundere and maybe kuudere types of characters. (E.g. the rabbit can also zoom around happily and would joyfully hop around while also taking clear notice of you and your presence is welcome to them rather than being a nuisance or blending into the background).)

The above two can be combined. When a tsundere rabbit decided to give you the cold shoulder play but actually does want the pets and then upon the pets give you the whole spiel of tolerating it begrudingly, but little signs like eye movements and teeth grinding betray a rather clear amount of enjoyment.

In some cases: When things just come together and spiral upwards, when it makes anyone and anything there improve and get out better for it, and considerably so. When there are plenty of what ifs floating around and most of any of them are worse off. That certain type of something uplifting, which entirely dodged being cheese in any way. (Massively rare.)

Fluff will therefore always be wholesome and always leave a feeling of being at ease and of comfort. This does not mean it must be sweet. It can be bittersweet, it can be salty, it can even be a little bit juicy and sour. But it must create this fluffy, airy, weightless sense of feeling to it. (This is not the same thing as inspiring hope, but can overlap.)

Anti-Fluff: This is when a downward spiral happens. Basically a reverse Little Lord Fauntleroy effect. When something happens and triggers anyone and everyone to walk out for the worse. When ruin is there, and it's nearly absolute to happen, despite you getting the feeling there ought to have been better ways, but the dynamics just forced it into flowing into the worst option. - This is notably different to something like a Hiob-style ordinance of suffering or other sorts of attention grabbing stylization and dramatization of narrative fatalism to make the reader feel entertained or put off.

The piece of media that introduced the fluff term for me was Otonari no Tenshi-sama ni Itsunomanika Dame Ningen ni Sareteita Ken/The Angel Next Door Spoils me Rotten (up to ch14 read so far.) Otonari represents nearly to perfection the chemistry which my self in younger years had somehow thought to be the sort of friendship on a level that truly can actually be called as such. Which however as I learned later in life usually is something you can only expect in such depth in actual relationships mostly romantically involved. By all means this series is a romance series and I know they do wind up getting together, and the way they are right there at the beginning does make clear that physical/sexual attraction exists for them for each other, the series isn't ignoring that, but there is so much more and else there as well that it takes up only a small slice of it all and even if those particular slices weren't present there is more than plenty to sustain a deeply seated connection and bond between them. It's wholesome. It's cute. It's fluffy. It's putting hearts at ease. It's extinguishing anguish. It's complementary. It's putting both of them at a better place emotionally and practically. It hits all the notes fluff on any immediate level.

What's also very fluff, but more like fluff in hiding is Tearmoon Empire (read up to v4 so far). Mia definitely was and kinda is a terrible person and ultimately everyone winds up having some flaws, but the entire dynamic of the cast and plot is there to create an upwards spiral that makes the characters be, effectively be or become a better version of themselves. Even when they aren't actually truly that themselves, the effect is the same and characters ultimately delightfully reap what good it sowed. It's one of the rare examples where it doesn’t go glorify being your true self, but you simply can be your better self. And there is this bit about some being able to see the silver linings even in those infamous and useless, and that willingness to not just toss it off away be what sparks and lightens up the path of that upwards spiral. (Anyone should have an Anne and Ludwig in their life.)

Speaking purely in terms of appetite, I could gobble up loads of those fluff desserts, but they are a whole huge health hazard, so I don't. Aside from that, they are terribly hard to find well-made to begin with. It really needs to be properly fluff, not too sweet, not too dry, not too fatty, not too… And rabbits typically don't like being cuddled and petted too much, so that avenue is somewhat limited as well.

Fluff to me is the supreme counterbalance to stress or anything else that makes life feel miserable where I do not hold the means to change the situation myself. It's just usually so hard to find…

On Spice, Chili, Porn etc.

I think hot, spicy and chili are kinda self-explanatory, as I use them pretty much the normal way, but apparently even those aren't always known, so here goes a whole list.

Hot: Something that stylizes itself to be sexually enticing in the common sense, but without necessarily being racy.

Spicy: Stuff that's hot with clear sexual innuendo. This may include any part of actual sexual intercourse, its foreplay to trying to taunt out such desires. Can be racy, likely is, but not necessarily. There can be spice, that's clearly hot and spicy and sexual to the characters, but aesthetically implied, so it's not outright porn to the reader. This is my preferred avenue. - For as much as I have rather little interest in spicy things, I dislike sex negativity even more. All that stuff is a core component of the world, please do not pretend it doesn't exist at all. I just don't like it all that much when it's overly obviously so explicit for the sake of the reader.

Ecchi: horny stuff, which mostly is like taunting fan service without going all the way down.

Smut: Horny stuff that actually gets to do the stuff. Usually in some ways or another obfuscated and censored and/or more the mild stuff. The line to hentai is sometimes rather blurry with very smutty things, especially in BL and some josei/seinen smuts.

Porn, Hentai: Horny stuff down questionable rabbit holes, more hardcore explicit stuff which makes no secret that it's entire point is to get to the explicit stuff as quickly as possible, and it's there mostly for the reader to get the hots in who knows what part of their bodies. I do not dabble in this section beyond stray accidents.

Sus stuff: horny things, but clearly with the connotation of being questionable content. Usually used on stuff that has a clear whiff of being trashy ecchi or actual porn/hentai.

Chili: When something is hot and spicy and pretty much so. Basically its noun. Probably has its source by the chili rankings that some Manga publishers in German use on signaling how much/explicit their content (mostly in the BL section) are on the back cover, promotion materials etc. Preferred term to concisely say there is fiery, passionate, racy, hot, horny or whatever you may call it-stuff happening in a piece of content.

Pepperoni: Rarely used, but sometimes when there's talk about differentiating how hot or not something is by comparison to another work.

These are more Luna-lingo terms again:

horny porny: when I kinda have no clue where to draw the line between horny stuff and actual porn, or I don’t bother to think about it, this gets used to have them all in one pot. Sometimes also used in exasperation and exaggeration, and then it may include just anything spicy or even slightly hot.

Bed Spice: Has kinda fallen out of use for the most part. Before chili emerged, there was bed spice. So basically spice that happens in bed, so basically euphemism for ecchi stuff happening in the bedroom, whether or not they go all the way into doing the deed, whether it's just playfulness or actual chili, but it's stuff clearly meant in that way in varying degrees of explicitness. Usually used when I do not want to use the f word or don't want to bother with differentiating content between smut, hentai or ecchi and/or when the s word is incomplete, because I don't want to bother to think about whether they went all in or not. (Frankly I'm not even sure how much in things must be, that it counts as is all in or all the way. There are conflicting opinions of measurement out there.) When I coined this I was thinking of a German word "Bettgestöber". There is "Schneegestöber", which means snowstorm or snow flurry, so Gestöber kinda is something stormy, rummaging, a bit chaotic and kinda intense hubbub, turmoil and excitement.

Bettgewürz: Direct German translation of bed spice. While I originally did have the German word Bettgestöber in mind when I coined myself bed spice, that word by itself does not actually exist (but is grammatically still correct because of composite rules). As a noun Gestöber usually is only used in combination with snow. (There is a trashy smutty BL localized as Bettgestöber though.) Upon reflection later, I felt like it sounded rather crude. (Maybe also exactly because of said BL.) So at some point I just went with the direct back translation (that again isn't an actual word in use, but grammatically valid) and apparently some people even find it somewhat cute to funny. Usually used when talking about content that's more grounded and serious and just happens to also be quite spicy at times as well, but I don't want to reduce it to just that.

Spice Action: Basically bed spice, but at some point I realized it doesn't have to necessarily take place in bed or the bedroom, so… Probably self-explanatory, as it references how action can generally be used as a euphemism for the f word.

#ramblings

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kaithonks · 1 month ago

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So I’ve had some more Thoughts about Robin

I guess I didn't totally get my Robin Lives! complaints out of my systems, and what probably didn't help was me reading Dixion's Robin Year One recently. I probably should also say I haven't read every Robin comic out there but really ever since Robin Lives! I've been thinking more about how disregarded Robin is to Batman's lore. And well I think part of the larger problem is that well it's too big. Batman has been around since 1939, so his history is massive, and by extension so is the cast of friends and villains he's made along the way and it's just not humanly possible to get every one right at once. But Robin has been around since 1941 so if any character should be at the top of the list of considerations it should be Robin, in all his different integrations. Yes, Robin has different people behind the mask but they aren't all treated equally. And with that Robin still gets cast aside because of his place as the sidekick, and often gets more treated as a plot device for Bruce than a character of himself.

How Robin gets treated by Bruce varies GREATLY on what the writers want Bruce to be and one of my personal least favorite takes on this is when they have Bruce call the Robins soldiers or have them take an oath (Something I've seen mostly with Dick). It has always been something I find conflicting because these are children and while it appears as Bruce's way to protect, them it is still strange. More importantly, it breaks a certain level of suspension of disbelief that makes Robin work, because you're having Bruce acknowledge this isn't a good dynamic. This isn't a pair, not a father and a child but a general and soldier. It's an uncomfortable position as it puts the clear unequal power dynamic into the spotlight. It could work, but unfortunately, it would only work with a change in Bruce's character which can't happen because Batman is always right and always doing what is best. Bruce can and should have objections to Robin, but he should also acknowledge that's is a choice children make themselves and give their agency. What makes Robin work is giving the child the power, making Robin an active choice of theirs.

On a more meta level I've always related to Robin more than Batman, Robin is younger and more of an underdog than Batman is. I'm never gonna be a millionaire let alone a billionaire so there is a lot of inherent unrelatableity in Bruce. But I have been a child. And given the variety of circumstances the Robins come from there is also a chance that there will be a Robin for someone more closely relates to. Robin is a dream of gaining control over your world and still being protected. But this relationship does change between Robins and I feel it's hardly treated like that. Robin is there for Batman's sake not Robin's own sake. Now I could expand out into the gray areas of Robin, that being each character post-bring-Robin runs, but I don't think I've read enough to say too much beyond this pretty broad generalization and feeling I've gotten from the Robin runs I've read. And there are arguments of all of this boiling down to personal preference, but with that, there still needs to be more respect not on just a Robin level, but an individual character level.

While you can do different things with these characters, such is the freedom of comic stories, it should never come at the simplification of a character. Dick isn't just pretty, he's smart, charismatic, and a strong leader. Jason isn't angry, he's passionate and tries to do what he thinks is right and protect people. Tim isn't just smart he is determined and wily. Damian isn't a brat he's a kid torn between cultures. Steph isn't just the ditzy girl she's energetic and willing to go the lengths to do what she thinks is right and prove herself. Now I don't relate to all of the Robins, I have my preferences as everyone does, but I'm always going to put respect on each one's place because of what they make Robin as a whole. And none of them should be used as just a tragedy or prop for Batman.

#to be fair really generalizing here #and like yeah... batman is the main character but sometimes #the way Robin gets treated is exhausting to me #dc comics #dc robin

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bellmo15-blog · 4 months ago

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I Closed My Twitter Account and Don't Regret It

I should be sad over the closer of my Twitter account especially since I closed it in the same month it would of turned 10 years old, but to tell you the truth I'm not sad about it! At all! In fact, I'm happy to be done with that place! And I'm not the only one who's done this either! And there are good reasons why I and a lot of other people have finally caved and decided to close our Twitter accounts. Granted my reasons for closing my account personally go beyond just the main reason everyone else is but it is still a contributing reason.

And since I know some people will be wondering, yes I DO have an account on Twitter's replacement BlueSky here. I mean I'm probaply not going to browse that a whole lot with how much I've been trying to stay off social media as a whole for the sake of my own mental well being but it's still there for people who want to follow me there.

So why is everyone renacting the story of Exodus and leaving Twitter? Take a guess, another stunt from pharaoh Elon Musk, the pretentious self absorbed prick he is. Look, it's hardly a secret at this point that ever since Elon brought Twitter the site has become worse and worse. From the random name change calling it X when there was nothing wrong with Twitter to start with (and also literally no one calls it X anyway even after the name change) to making it impossible to see the likes of those you follow to banning the site in Brazil for some reason to the most recent shit he's pulled, changing how blocking works and being in support of having any pic you upload to the site be used for AI Generative Content! WITHOUT giving you the option to opt out!

First there's the whole blocking BS. Because now it's that people you have blocked for whatever reason, mostly that person being an asshole or harassing you, can now still see your posts. Yeah, they can't interact with your posts but this still defeats the entire point of blocking. And this change is coming only a few weeks after I had to block an artist I regret commissioning because because they got exposed a few days after I commed them that they were a terrible person so you can imagen how I feel about this!

Then there's the whole AI shit. For a while now Twitter has has this thing called Grok which was an AI trainer for generative AI and do I even need to explain why I don't like this!? Thing is, you could opt out of it in the past! You could have it so that your posts CAN'T get used for AI Content. I mean it sucks that this thing was even implemented and sucks that more and more corporations are trying to find some ways to implement AI in the first place but at least it gives you the option to opt out. Now? You don't have a choice! Your posts can potentially be used for AI weather you like it or not!

I'm sorry, but as someone who regularly commissions artists to draw stuff for me and posts my comms everywhere I can unless said otherwise by the artist I use to always post them onto Twitter. I don't want something I commissioned both for my own enjoyment and to support artists I like being used for this kind of crap! And considering most of the best friends I've made these past few years have been artists themselves I can't say I blame them for wanting to do the whole mass exodus to BlueSky.

So what's the other reason for me finally caving and closing my account there? Take a guess, it's just a hostile and toxic hellhole that was doing a number on me! Remember how I made that vent post about why I've grown to hate the internet, or I guess rather social media as a whole? Yeah, Twitter was the absolute worst of it and it's been like this for several years at this point honestly, even before Elon came along and made the site even worse! If it wasn't people making rage bait posts for attention because "negativity sells" it was people being massive bigots or scumbags who would get upset at anything that stared a woman or had pronouns or it was incredibly thinn skinned people making a fuss over the smallest and most pointless shit ever like what games get ported to what system or not, what fictional characters who most people probaply only remember because of a meme they are attached to die of screen or who animated a 10 second clip of a Wired Al music video! I mean this sort of bullshit wasn't exclusive to Twitter alone but if someone was afraid to admit they liked a certain game/movie/show/whatever because of how some people on Twitter were acting over it and towards the people who did like it, I can't say I blame them for being afraid to express themselves. I was for certain things because of Twitter discorse.

So yeah, the shit Elon's pulled recently was mostly the straw that broke the camels back. And I'm only really making this because some people who might still be on Twitter and followed me might be wondering where I've gone. And I'm sorry if anyone who did only ever follow me on Twitter got worried over my recent action of closing my account. But I at least want you all to understand why I did go though with it and why I'm not going back there anytime soon because I am about at my limit with that site and this shit I had to go though. My BlueSky's still up so follow me there if you want to.

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inwintersolitude · 4 months ago

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- October 15th 2024 -

What happened last night? Hardly anything. It was my husband's first day back at work after 6 weeks off, so I'm home alone for a few days, and it's been a little boring. All I did was browse Reddit, watch a documentary, make pasta for dinner, and go outside for some stargazing (unfortunately I couldn't see the comet - hopefully I can see it tonight).

Who is the last boy you hugged? My husband.

What was the last thing you thought? I was wondering if the previous question was asking about any male in general, or if it was literal and specifically referring to "male child." And that made me think about how I hugged my nephews goodbye on Saturday when we were all at my parent's house.

What are you thinking about right now? My bird squawking at me lol. And I'm also thinking about how I need to start waking up earlier now that the days are getting shorter. Sleeping in late is a bad habit when the sun sets early.

Would you have sex with the last person you sent a message to? Yes, as that was my husband.

Would you consider yourself spoiled? Yeah maybe. I've definitely had a very good life. But I'm not unappreciative of that, nor do I feel entitled to things.

What was the last text you sent? "Someone needs to just fucking punch him in the face." Sent to my husband, talking about Trump. Lmao.

Do you break things when you are mad? No. Well I remember doing that only once, when I was a kid. A classmate was mean to me and I was so angry that I smashed a cassette player.

Whose hoodie did you last wear besides your own? My husband's.

Did something happen today that made you angry? Nope.

What did you do today? Slept in too late, read some news articles, had toast with pumpkin butter for breakfast, made a cup of tea, did some tidying up in the kitchen, cleaned Luna's cage. And I need to go get groceries in a little bit, and pick up my birth control from the pharmacy.

What did you do Friday night? I made a bunch of breakfast foods for dinner haha. Scrambled eggs with veggies from the farm market, chicken and maple sausage, toast with pumpkin butter (I've been obsessed with pumpkin butter lately). And my husband and I watched the most recent episode of Bake Off.

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to? Yes, it is my greatest fear.

Are you lying to yourself about something? No.

Is your bed comfortable? The daybed in my room is amazing. One of the most comfortable things I've ever slept on. The queen sized bed in the room that's mostly my husband's (but where I sometimes sleep too) is alright.

Does it take a lot to make you happy? No, I'm generally already a pretty happy person.

Your best friend says to you now, “let’s go to a party and get trashed!”? He wouldn't say that.

Who knows mainly all of your secrets? My husband.

Can you go a day without thinking about the person that’s on your mind now? Nope. That would be impossible since I talk to him every single day.

What were you doing at 1 in the morning? I think I was posting in the forums, and about to go to bed.

If someone looked ON your bed, what would they find? Pillows and blankets.

Were you single over last summer? No. 2009 was my last single summer.

Has anyone ever told you, you have pretty eyes? Yeah.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Just once.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? One, maybe two (I can't remember for sure, it was long ago).

When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head? Leprechauns haha.

Is the person you last texted single? No.

Was last night terrible? No. I was in a weird mood, though. One of those moods where you're bored, but nothing seems interesting enough to quell that boredom.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal blog

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leyyvi · 10 months ago

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You don’t have to answer this at all if you don’t want to but i just wanted to come in here and say that your posts about how you’re enjoying going to the gym is really heartwarming and reassuring!! I’m saying this bc recently I’ve been thinking about going but I’ve never been particularly athletic, I was always way out of my comfort zone in PE lessons and was lowkey made fun of for not being good at PE and it was always a miserable experience and never felt like a welcoming space. But I want to look after my own health better after beginning to notice some posture issues and back pain, and just being quite tired and ashamed of feeling physically weak and unfit in general. Though the gym and gym culture seems really intimidating I think there’s definitely a more wholesome and welcoming side and idk just seeing your posts about it makes me want to get a membership at my nearest gym, commit to it and look after myself better 💕 (not sure where to start in terms of workout routines though, so if you have any words of advice, please help 😭)

hi! sorry this is so late aaaaaa

all i can say is if you even have a small want of going to definitely GO!!! (affectionate) if you can!!! there's so many days where i'm like EHHH I DON'T WANNA but i force myself anyway and i'm really happy i did. even if it's a day where i'm like UGHHHHHHHHHHH the whole time.

but yes, especially since i've started working from home i'm so sedentary and i'm noticing it a lot more the older i get. i just want to be at a point where i feel strong and walking up a flight of stairs doesn't make me out of breath ;;;

as for routines i go with someone and kinda just copy what they do for now fkjghdfjkg they use the machines mostly! i'm still figuring out what exactly i want to do BUT doing 10 reps 5x times is what i've been aiming for. and i focus on arms one day, legs another, etc.

though eventually i want to go 4 days a week and start running a bit too ;; sorry this is super all over the place but a lot of people recc'd me looking up routines on youtube too that can help! my gym is 24 hours which is REALLY nice cause i can go late at night and hardly anyone is ever there (this was really good bc i hate being percieved esp working out bc im so weak LOL fjghkfjkdh)

i'm so happy you found it motivating though! if there's one advice i could give is take it slow and pace yourself. atm i'm only going 2-3 times a week for 1 hourish just to build up the habit of going :) and if there's some weeks where you go less than others that's also okay! you can always work back up to it again! I'M WISHING U LUCK IF YOU DECIDE TO GO YOU GOT THIS!

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vidavalor · 7 months ago

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<<With this whole disgusting situation with gaiman, I’ve honestly come to realize that…he hardly does anything for the show.>>

Yes. Louder for the people in the back, my friend. Even before the accusations he was, by far, the least appealing part of all of this.

Don't feel guilty-- you did nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with an author engaging with their fanbase online a bit and it's even business-savvy but not in the way that he did it. Good Omens is a pretty unique fanbase because of how it spans generations and has been around for a long time. Even though I'm comparatively newer to it than others here, I'm in the camp of being with some of the older (not old lol, just older) people here and I think maybe it's being a bit older that led me to look at how he chose to engage with a bit of a raised eyebrow.

For example, we need to talk at the fact that his stated rationale for why you aren't supposed to tag him with your theories and fics is complete bullshit...

At first, when I found out that he had a Tumblr account, I thought what most of you did-- that it was a fun, fairly unique thing, even in an era of 'we've seen every author's house on Zoom since the pandemic'-type of engagement. I checked it out and started reading through some of his Good Omens Asks replies. Between those and just being around here on Tumblr for a bit and seeing him popping up in people's threads and finding posts that aren't tagged to him and kind of creeping on them a bit, I found myself really put off from his attitude in these replies. You can tell that most of the people asking him questions are relatively young by how some of the questions are worded and I felt like he was a jerk in a lot of the responses. I'm pretty sarcastic myself but this went beyond that-- this was being a dick to kids. Many of the young people reading his work and his posts admired him and I believe that older adults have a responsibility to support younger ones so that left a bad taste in my mouth.

He's not the first author to be an asshole by any stretch of the imagination lol but think about it for a moment here: here's a guy who has had success and who predominantly writes for young adults who is allowing young writers to directly engage with him online about his works and his attitude in many of the posts was too sarcastic and, at times, even a bit mean. These are mostly basically kids that he's replying to and after seeing that a bit, you start to realize that he's a grown ass man who honestly doesn't need to be having *this* level of engagement with his fanbase to still be seen as engaged and accessible... so, why is he?

The rampant, unchecked ego on display. He seemed to revel in the fact that people would jump on his every word. That's just the start of the stuff that shocked me, though... ever notice how he uses his platform on Tumblr to publicly feud with Amazon?

I'm not trying to say I love Amazon lol-- I'm pointing out how fucking unprofessional his comments have been. If a company is doing something so horrible that you'd be labeled a whistleblower for exposing it then no one with a conscious is going to blame you for blowing that whistle. That's doing the right thing. But that's not the stuff he's talking about with Amazon. He's publicly complaining about the budgets. He's publicly disparaging Amazon at every opportunity.

This is literally dissing your boss in public because, make no mistake, Amazon is his boss. Amazon doesn't actually need NG to make Good Omens. Good Omens is actually owned by its publishing houses, who have sold the rights to make it to Amazon. The publishing houses retain the right to do so and they could and can do so without author approval. NG can't actually stop his publishers or Amazon from the process, even if he wanted to, because the publishing houses own GO. The reason why he's on the project is because his name is on the book (and because he's built himself a shield of a little online fandom... see what I'm saying about his motivations for doing so a bit here?) ...but, with his reputation taking a hit, if all of the other parties involved decide it would be better for them if he wasn't involved, they are the ones that really have control over Good Omens. They can make the decision to fire him from Good Omens. (Same goes for those involved with The Sandman, etc..).

NG knows that. It looks to me like he was using his platform here to drum up anti-Amazon sentiment in the fanbase so that we'd see him as essential if they tried to fire him. He's trying to make it so that we'd see Amazon as screwing the fanbase and demand that he stay... which all smacks of the behavior of a guy who thinks Amazon might toss him if they had grounds enough to say his behavior violated his contract.

Which smacks of the behavior of a man who knows that his days are numbered because, one of these days, he's going to wake up to the first of the women coming forward and then everything will be over for him. His only and really pitiable line of defense is arguing that he can't be fired because "the people won't watch the show if it's not me at the helm of it" which lol ok dude✌️

But that's actually not even the only scummy behavior I saw on here... the 'don't show him your theories' thing? Yeah, that is just as bad... It's complete and utter bullshit, btw. Let me explain why...

Let's say I write a story. It's fiction and all my own work. I've made up the characters and the world and every part of it myself so it is my own intellectual property. Let's then say that I show this story to another writer before I publish all of it myself and the other writer decides to steal it. They change a character name and a couple of words or two but it's otherwise the same story. They put their name on it and publish it as their own. If I can prove that the story is mine through some sort of paper trail-- bits of it emailed to someone else, a doc history online, someone else I showed it to who can back me up and say it's mine... anything along these lines-- I can sue the person who stole my story for intellectual property theft, even if I had not yet filed to formally copyright the story as my own.

How can I do this? Because I own every bit of the work with no other complications. It's mine.

But let's say that, instead, I write a theory about Good Omens S3 or that I write a fanfic that is a version of what could happen in S3 and I post that theory or that fic here on Tumblr ahead of S3 being made. Let's say that, when I post this theory or fic here, I @'d NG or tagged him or tagged Amazon Studios-- or even did all three of those things.

Then, let's say that S3 airs and it turns out that I was really, really right about it-- something like 90% or more right. Finally, let's then say that I'm a crazy person lol who decides that because I guessed a tv show plot correctly and because I showed those ideas to NG online and then they showed up in the show, I am going to sue NG and Amazon for plagiarism. In doing so, I would be claiming that the ideas are mine and that they stole them from me.

Do you know how far I'd get with this?

Nowhere.

Do you know why?

Because I don't own Good Omens.

I don't own Crowley & Aziraphale. I don't own the show and I don't work for it. No one stole my idea because, legally, it's not my idea to be had.

This is why no one who writes fanfic is ever going to be able to sue the writer(s) of the IP for which they're writing fanfic over intellectual property theft. Good Omens could literally take a fanfic you wrote and film it, word-for-word, plot-point-by-plot-point, if they wanted to and call it theirs and you do not have any legal ground to stand on if you were to sue them because they own the story, not you. It's their playground and they're letting you come over and play in the sandbox.

Technically, fanfic and fanart is actually illegal. Back in the old days, some studios and publishing houses actually went after fanfic writers for violating copyright by making art using the studios and publishing houses' copyrighted material. Unless you're someone making tens of thousands of dollars a year right now selling, I don't know, t-shirts of your own design for a fandom in the MCU, the lawyers aren't going to knock on your door. They don't care anymore because, in the era of online engagement, they realize that it winds up alienating fanbases if they target those trying to just have some fun with it and the reward of allowing them to have that fun greatly outweighs the cost of going after them for it.

Mah point is that they own the IP in question. Theories and fanfic and fanart are creative works made using their intellectual property so you cannot actually sue them for stealing your idea because it's their ideas that you stole to write the idea in the first place. You don't own the ideas-- they do.

There's also the lunacy of NG saying that showing your theories and fanfic to him would mean he can't use those ideas in S3. Mathematically, there are only so many ways that even the most surprising story can go. There are some of us sitting here on Tumblr who have already written theories that are at least partially correct about where S3 is heading. It's just math at this point. Even with the "don't tag or ask Neil about this theory" stuff, he's inevitably already seen theories on here that are going to be proven correct come S3. I really doubt any lawyer working for Amazon is losing a wink of sleep over this.

To consider why, think of other fandoms for tv shows you have been a part of or are a part of currently... have you ever seen anything like NG's request in those fandoms?

You haven't, have you?

I'll give you an example of just how few fucks a major studio gives about people involved in production learning about fan theories or seeing fanfiction...

A friend of mine and I met in another fandom that recently celebrated 20 years. This fandom basically created online engagement in the pre-social media, pre-streaming eras when it first started. It's widely credited with being the original binge tv show. Producers, directors, writers and acting talent were and are all involved online with the fanbase. They hold podcasts and Zoom roundtables with fans where they have 1:1 direct conversations with members of their audience. They actively seek out what it is that you might like to see happen in the series and what you think might happen, based on the story already. The fanbase has brought back characters and changed some story as a result of this engagement. I've had two, different executive producers of the show like and comment on what I thought would-- and directly said I hoped would-- happen in a then-upcoming season of the show. Not because I requested them but because I happened to be correct about where the story was going, those things happened in the future. At no point did lawyers for those producers or the show itself reach out to me, thinking that I was going to sue. No one was worried about that in the least. It was just earlier this year, that some of the network executives were even in the Zoom as well-- and, again, this is for the fanbase of this show. No one from legal cares because the know that the fans don't own the IP so no plagiarism lawsuit could ever really be effectively mounted.

At no point were any of these veteran filmmakers, actors and writers all 'oh no don't tell me your theory because then we'll have to do something different!'... it is the complete opposite of that. They wanted to know. They still do. They're excited about our engagement. This has been the attitude I've seen in every other fandom, with any other person involved in production that is engaging with that show's audience. They aren't worried about opening themselves up to legal issues. They're just having fun engaging with the people who like their work.

Michael Sheen and David Tennant own Staged, right? It's their IP. Is there a request on Sheen's Xwitter telling you not to send him your ideas for a Staged S4 because then he'd never be able to use them if they were to make it? Nope. Is there a message saying that he's involved with Good Omens' production so he can't read your theories or fanfic so please don't send it to him? lololol girl...

I'm pretty sure that man has actually read your all fanfic and left you kudos under his secret username by this point and, even if he's only joking about it, he's at least fine with joking about it without it being a whole legal issue for him or the studios because it isn't one. None of you would get anywhere if you sued because you sent your theory to Michael Sheen online and then your theory came true because you don't own Staged or Good Omens or anything else with which he's involved. He knows that and so does everyone involved in other shows with online fandoms with whom they're engaging.

I don't know for a fact why NG has been telling you not to tag him your Good Omens theories and fanfic but I do know that it would seem very unlikely that it has fuck all to do with whether or not he can use those ideas in GO S3. I feel like the fact that, since virtually no one else is doing things like this, it might be safer to consider the idea that he has-- rightly or wrongly-- quietly been accused of plagiarism himself in the past and he's trying to cover his ass... and also, perhaps, the darker possibility as well...

Asking you not to leave a digital paper trail linking him to something you've written is asking you make it easier for him to continue to peruse the fandoms of his works and potentially take any idea he might like and use in his own original work outside of that fandom.

Because while you'd get nowhere suing him for stealing your idea about his own work, you could get somewhere if you, say, wrote a long, very plotty Crowley & Aziraphale fanfic or a wildly innovative theory about Good Omens that wasn't actually correct for what's happening in Good Omens but would make a pretty killer story in its own right... if you did that and tagged Gaiman and he used to write a brand new, non-Good Omens work... if you noticed that new work as being your own ideas, you might actually have something of a legal case against him.

Not a particularly strong one but maybe something of one and, if you were to sue and that were to get out, just the idea of it alone could be damaging to him.

If you never tagged him, though... you can't legally prove that he ever saw it.

It means that he's free to take what he likes.

It would not shock me if this all gets worse and now that these women have opened the floodgates against him, we also eventually hear from people in, idk, writing classes or something, who feel like he stole their work.

Again, to be very clear: I do not know this for a fact.

I just cannot express how rare and bizarre that request not to tag him is and where there's smoke? There's usually fire.

Okay I lied I do have something else to say about the neil gaiman allegations

Do NOT drag Terry Prachett into this. I haven’t seen anyone do so myself yet, but I’m sure someone probably will and it disgusts me.

And also, stop giving neil all the credit for everything. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it’s that the GO fandom gives neil WAY too much credit. I’m even guilty of this. But it isn’t right and it absolutely isn’t fair to Terry Prachett or anyone else who was worked so hard on the show. People only give neil so much credit because he is alive to answer questions about GO and talk about how it was written while Terry Prachett unfortunately no longer can.

Sorry that this isn’t very well articulated it just was something that came to mind and made me very upset. Hope this makes sense.

#neil gaiman #fuck neil gaiman #good omens

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