#and i got teardrops on my guitar as a suprise song and that was probably my 1st taylor song

[beheadedcousins]

HOLD UP GO BACK BACKSPACE you were there for the speak now tv announcement???????????

HAHA!!! of course that's what was focused on!

YEAH I WAS!!! AND IT WAS MY 2ND TAYLOR CONCERT!! THE FUNNY THING IS MY 1ST ONE WAS THE SPEAK NOW TOUR (and it was my bday present then) so it was full circle with the announcement of speak now tv

(i don't have a recording of the announcement my ex-friend has that, so i just have a photo)

[anothertorturedsoul]

I went to the eras tour. Still in recovering mode.

Like real hard post concert depression.

Cried so much at the show. And the days after too. Never had that with any other concert before.

Preparing, making bracelets, spending months and weeks looking forward to that day. And then its all over in a few hours.

The suprise songs we got on guitar were Teardrops on my guitar x The last time.

How crazy is that?! Two songs from my dragon playlist mashed up?!

I cried hard.

I felt some healing. Especially during the past week.

But no matter how hard i try, no matter if i‘m avoiding him, avoiding the songs, one tiny thing happens, a small thing or action that triggers me spins me back into my spiral, one slip and falling back into the hedge maze. And i‘m back enjoying the pain. Torturing myself.

Making up conversations in my mind that will never happen, asking question i never would dare to ask and never will know the answers to. Writing paragraphs i will never send.

Screaming the lyrics to the songs in my car.

I‘m really into the idea of writing a book.

I already started like a wild all over the place mind map kinda thing. I will never get some details straight again because i buried them so deep that i cant find them and probably will put some fictional elements in it but i think its a good idea.

it wont set me free and right now i‘m in my „i dont even want to be set free“ mode like most of the time, but i think it’s something i can put this energy into.

Even if it only ever be a wattpad story or something i dont know.

But i dont want anyone to know about it. Its extremely intimate and private for me. So i‘m posting about it here since no ones reading this anyway.