#and i got rly attached to them so i was hoping for them to win

[danothan]

dw you didnt sound dismissive at all!! sorry for the autism moment frankly i do not know how to be concise

to be totally clear im not a "holds comics/specific runs sacred" kind of person either 😭 i have fun with the young justice show (honestly . was the first thing i saw kon in, and how i immediately fell in love with his character) even if i question the way it handled him and megs characters + relationship (i will not spoiler<3)

i absolutely also gravitate towards characters with anger so when i first saw kon in yja i was enamoured with him and i 100% get loving him as a standalone because i did and still do 😭 yja kon is Why i like kon so much now

i was rly approaching ur tags like u weren't familiar with him so im sorry for that assumption off the bat </3 and i was more focusing on how the design was reflective of writing choices that Influenced the show. i will say that comics kon is also a hot head whos dealing with shit esp in his 90s run (sb94 + yj98) and he is just. in general a fun character to read when hes being a little cocky abt it. so i do recommend reading his early stuff if he interests u :] bc hes a fun little guy whos lives in the head no matter what his iteration is

i want to say sorry if it sounded dismissive of Your little guy also 😭 i slapped the bit abt the show kon on the end bc it felt related to the general writing direction hed been going thru in the 00s (which is to say, being spearheaded by a misogynistic homophobe) LOL but to be so honest i do Like him i just have. thoughts and feelings abt the show that i got before i even read anything kon was in. im honestly on season 4 of it rn <3 i wish u luck on your rewatch

<- im a "has fun with the dcamu and video games and other adaptions of the comics and finds worth in them" kind of person anyhow ^_^ i think the fun of dcs bazillion earths and stuff is that many things abt a character can be true at once and people can find what they like in certain iterations and play frankenstein. i like. genuinely wholeheartedly agree that the comic cynicism is soul crushing lmfao 😭

ps. the cadmus tag -> earring thing haunts me every day......... i simply get so attached to his writing and how you can read transness in it<3

erm. have a good daynight<3333 sorry for a second essay

nah i appreciate the info, i don’t think i’m ever gonna shed that newcomer feel i have as a dc fan no matter how deep i dive, so better safe than sorry! this is rly teaching me a lot abt the character anyhow, so net win regardless 👍

glad to hear his hot-headedness is a constant too, it’s odd bc i don’t rly resonate with angry characters personally, but i get SO defensive abt them when ppl act like anger isn’t a legitimate and sympathetic trauma response. i have a feeling that that’s gonna apply here too

another thing i’m getting a lot here is that Smth Fucked Up is gonna happen to conner and m’gann’s relationship, and i do Not remember that when i first watched it, so that’s uh. smth to look forward to haha

i hope to get a fuller picture of the guy some day, here’s to frankensteining comic characters 🥂

[redmiller]

LET’S GO MIGHTY NEIN

[chaneilkular]

ok the gay stuff...... why is literally EVERYONE in this show gay hello????? fucking obsessed. i get the feeling u prefer cartero to bobby & cj which so valid. first of all cj hello cyrus & tj combined like 🥴 no but i love him he seems super sweet and like makes bobby more bold i think??? BUT ALSO why is this kid a junior 😕 the entire time i was like oh he’s a sophomore so only one grade above but then someone said junior at the end and i...... like what was the reason</3 considering that i feel like they won’t be endgame but honestly s2 did not go as i expected so i’m not gna even try and predict what will happen. either way i’m happy bobby has new friends and a bf i feel like he needed those to help him branch out!!! the whole are you jealous what if i am HELLO batshit crazy again bobby being pushed to be open ab his feelings ‼️‼️ but ok cartero like...... liam straight up looked like he’d been the told the worst news of his life at the end HELLO the dude has 2 be bi and like him back why else would he be that devastated ???? i appreciate that they teased a love triangle but it didn’t come until the end rly threw me for a spin ! jada breaking up w him hoooo boi last thing i expected it was so random but hs is like that but still i just didn’t think the writers would do that 😳 ALSO bobby on his own the most important ofc i’m not super attached to either couple tbh like i will say i see more chemistry w cj only bc we got more focus on them but he’d be happy w both and as long as bobby’s happy i’m fine ! so so proud of him for coming out obviously that isn’t necessary at all but for him it meant expressing himself and opening up which he never does so :’) and telling elena AH she was the best and the whole i’d rather take a guy that was incredible..... and then his mom naur don’t get me started the dude rly went his name is cj ah 😭 i was straight up doing a jig in my room last night at all his scenes i love him sm. ALSO ok wish we had more of danielle and cami together but her proposing :’) oh the gays are winning here anyway that is it for now PLEASE lmk ur thoughts on literally anything 💖

let's get into thisss... honestly, this is how a good show should be structured. everyone gay, the token straights on their best behavior and actually setting an example on how to be good allies. we love to see it. yeah, I'm not going to lie. when I've sunken my teeth into something fruity, you better believe I'm going to keep chewing until I've extracted all the flavor. honestly, I just don't have an opinion on cj yet. like, I think liking them as a couple is fine and to say he didn't help bobby grow is just plain wrong. there's just not much else to him for me, personally. they could've named him anything but cj, though. like, this is not a coincidence, I refuse to believe that. so, if we're going to see a lot more of him next season (let's hope, we're going to get one... I've not forgotten how long it took d*sney to renew this show), he needs to presented a little bit more complex, in detail of sorts. we need to get to know him better. when it comes to love triangles though, I'm always all in for just one guy and you know who that is here 🙊 honestly don't know why they went with the 'cooler older guy' trope. I feel like there's a lot of vicious spins to this and I just hope we don't get to see any of them. I'm just tired of certain narratives when it comes to gay relationships in media. going to admit they had a lot more chemistry but this was mainly because bobby and liam had basically nothing going on this season except bobby's initial jealousy... only for them to crank that shit up to 100% real quick with that scene™. if this is not what heartbreak looks like, I don't know what does. for the record: that boy is not straight. I've never been a big fan of coming out narratives. maybe that's just my personal view on things or whatever. but they did it so well? I can't even express how I'm feeling about it. streets are saying I might have been crying a little. will not go into detail. really the most beautiful and best reactions you could get and I love that so much for bobby. really beautifully done, really hopeful. they didn't undermine the importance of it either but also didn't make it weird... you know? maybe the best moments this season by far. cami is literally my favorite side character. I just love how unapologetically lesbian she is with everything she does and says. it's so refreshing to have an character who is allowed to view things from a gay perspective and say things from a gay perspective. completely unredacted. I just love her so much. the show just wouldn't be the same without her 💕

[cheekbites-moved]

ok i still havent gotten the secret ending but farming for it might take me a bit so im gonna make a thoughts post for age of calamity now:

Major spoilers obvs so ill put it under a read more

things i enjoyed:

revali beatdown simulator

the controls for the divine beasts are a bit clunky, but i think the angles they used for them did an excellent job at really making the player feel like we were actually controlling a divine beast. so i think it was done well.

link’s personality really gets to shine full force in this game with the amount of cut scenes and it was wonderful to see

every character clearly had a lot of love put into how they operate. they truly all feel unique, & all of their play styles fit them really well in my opinion

the game does a really good job of making you understand what a real threat the monsters are. like in botw they’re intimidating at first, but once you’re far enough into the game they become just an inconvenience to work around if anything. this game managed to actually make certain monsters intimidating for me again, and i think that’s a real accomplishment

the blight battles are actually somewhat challenging in this game and that is truly a commendable achievement lol i think all the bosses are good tbh. i didnt rly dislike or not enjoy any of them.

the way daruk and link’s friendship & urbosa’s motherly relationship towards zelda got to shine was. so good. it’s all i could’ve ever wanted

seeing the descendants again was really nice & it was awesome to see the champions interacting with them!! especially sidon and mipha omggggg. that was. really fucking good shit

kohga. just. kohga in general. getting to see more of him was really rad, he’s such a fun guy! and his english va was Excellent. you could really tell he was having a lot of fun playing him, and it was lovely to see! :)

zelda getting to really shine in this game was also lovely to see. and her being so assertive and badass by the end? omg. it was so wonderful especially after botw. man. 

the combat is done very well imo. im rly glad that they took so many elements from botw, but also added their own flares to make it feel fresh. it was rad.

sidon’s tagline is “winning smile” and his power is “boundless optimism” and i think that’s beautiful

the music in this game is SOOOOO good oh my god. multiple times during playing i had to pause to just appreciate it. it’s pretty much all remixes of botw with a few originals for the new characters, but they all slap. there was not a single song in this game i didn’t like. it is definitely one of my favorite video game soundtracks officially. maybe one of my favorite overall soundtracks in general tbh.

the visuals obviously look just like botw, but it still looked fucking gorgeous at some points. like. man. they really went off to make it look not only faithful to botw as far as appearance goes, but also as far as capturing botw’s beauty and it was. excellent to see!

if anything is true to botw’s backstory, it’s definitely how op link is. cause he was established to be op in botw, & when u finish botw he is also op as hell. he is so fun to play as the higher leveled he gets. he absolutely kicks ass. especially with a two-handed weapon??? daaaaammmmnnn. thats my badass baby boy!!!!

link eating rocks not once, but TWICE. just showing PEAK gremlin energy. 10/10 for those scenes they were great

the ending was really beautiful actually and i did cry like a little baby for it what about it

things i didn’t like:

obviously first and foremost.. this is not the game we were advertised. and no matter how much i overall enjoyed the game, it will always have some layer of being tainted attached to it due to the false advertising. this is not the prequel we thought we’d be getting. & not using “prequel” specifically doesn’t matter when all the advertising, including the box art talks about this being the story of what happened 100 years ago. with no indication it wasn’t the story of what happened 100 years ago in the botw timeline, but a separate universe/timeline entirely. i do hope we get dlc for the game at some point giving us what we were advertised, but at the same time... rly wish that the story that’s in the final game was dlc, & the story we were promised was the original :/ or just having the game have two separate storylines originally would’ve been cool. i just wish it wasn’t falsely advertised. 

fort hateno can fucking eat my whole entire shit WHY is that part so needlessly obnoxious compared to everything else oh my god

being forced to fulfill revali’s power fantasy TWICE hurt my soul

fuck any mission where you have to protect the useless hylian guards. i hate them. they suck.

the ai for player characters when you aren’t playing as them can also be pretty useless. it was really frustrating failing missions because my fellow party members weren’t helping me, and i was basically expected to be in two places at once to get shit done myself. :/ ik you can just switch between characters to make it easier, but like. i like playing as link the most. he’s my favorite character, & ofc since he’s mandatorily played for most of the story, he’s gonna be the most leveled up character regardless so he’s just the best to play as in general especially for harder missions. it was annoying to be forced to play as other people Solely cause the ai was so useless.

king rhoam’s attempt at a redemption arc. i’m not sorry that i just fucking hate this man. i don’t mind him entirely in botw bc you can see clear, genuine remorse during the cut scene at the end of the great plateau. but the redemption arc he gets in this game? after all the fucking shit he does in this game? especially when after his ~redemption arc~ i had to sit through a cut scene of him being an absolute fucking asshole to baby zelda after her mother just died????? absolutely fuck that shit. i don’t appreciate that crap at fucking all. he’s a verbally abusive piece of shit and i hate his guts.

obviously there was gonna be some retconning of how certain things worked in botw in order to make this kinda game work but the way sheikah technology works in this game is so goddamn confusing i do not get it. the works of botw are never outright said or explained completely, but it’s straightforward enough that it doesn’t really matter. this game does try to explain certain things and it just becomes. really clunky and confusing very quickly. 

the story is alright, i guess, but..... really confusing/convoluted as hell at times to a point that it’s. really fucking distracting. especially in comparison to how straightforward botw’s story is. like..... cannot help but be annoyed that such a problem wouldn’t have been a thing if they stuck to botw’s story.

i was sad when the egg thing died but i dont like the egg thing.... it is the MAIN reason shit was retconned so much & i just. dont get its purpose. but i did really like the reveal that zelda made it herself. that was good shit!

also the egg glitched out like. a LOT. idk what the fuck was going on with the poor thing but there was multiple times during a cut scene or when i was just sitting there that it was freaking out in the background and it was rly weird

elemental overworld boss monsters................. obnoxious. especially elemental guardians like goddamn bro what the fuck

i know warriors’ games aren’t about exploring anyway but the limitations for exploring was really sad/frustrating. this is still somewhat the world of hyrule before the calamity, which is something we’ve always wanted to see. not being able to explore even the immediate area at certain points because of shit like timed missions was really upsetting, man. :( i just wanted to see hyrule castle Before the calamity why was did they have to rob us like that.....

creepy corrupted egg’s transformation. why. what was that. what the fuck

even though i did enjoy the boss fights, it did get. incredibly taxing eventually to have to fight the SAME bastards so many times. like yeah botw is also guilty of this with the blights, but goddamn.... at least i have a choice to avoid certain encounters with them? this game has you fighting the same bitches like upwards of 3-4 times. it was. really annoying tbh. like the fights themselves are enjoyable, but damn we added new characters and it still inevitably lacked variety in boss fights.

no playable kass >:( if he’s available later in dlc then fine but i wish he was playable in the original game. so many random choices you’d never expect are. why couldn’t he also be there >:(

overall:

it will forever have that sour taste for the false advertising attached to it unfortunately, but that aside, i overall did enjoy the game! i think it has a lot to love in spite of the issues i encountered. as someone who has this as their first warriors game as well, it did lend itself to letting me see the appeal of them. idk if i’ll get more, but i do get why they’re so beloved/popular now. it was an alright time, with some amazing highlights that i’m gonna think back on very fondly for a very, very long time. if i had to rate it..... 7/10 

[ziracona]

so can u tell us a little about ur characterization of Lisa?? What's she like inside and outside of trials? Does she have a lot of lucidity, what were her relationships with others like, would she ever get better, do you think? ( im SAD.) Just. What's she like!! Also, same for Sally? Oh! And I'm rly enjoying two songs by Meg Myers which maybe you'll like? Running up that hill (Cover) and Desire. Maybe check em out? :3 - Sleepy

Sure!

My Lisa is from a bit before the archives for her placed her (early 1970s), because I wrote ILM back when there was no date given for many killers or survivors, so I just hoped they were historically accurate with the things they did mention & went through a fairly exhaustive list of drained swamps in the Southern US & paddleboat makes & placed her according to that data (it’s been a bit so I don’t remember the exact date without looking up my notes) in the 1920s-1930s, I believe? And in her early 20s, since she’s described as a girl & young woman, which DbD usually does only for characters in their early 20s. (Which I’d still assume is her age, bc even though her archives, if you go by them, have her in her teens, they’re not connected to the events of her disappearance/definitely happened before them.)

In trials, Lisa has like 0 lucidity. I talk about this some in chapter notes, so I’ll try to give a quick overview instead but sry if I restart myself. She’s so starved that any time she sees a living being, she is just completely overcome with hunger and can’t do anything but operate on it. Very scary. Feral. Like being attacked by a starving animal. She’s super out of it, and is completely wild and violent and has no control, only the need to eat. Outside of trials, if no one is around, she’s lucid again, but will remember trials and what she did to people, and spends that time in horror and despair. She’s tried to kill herself before, because the last thing she ever wanted was to become the thing she swore vengeance on (the Entity’s a real cruel motherfucker. Did the same to Rin, to Philip, to everyone it could. Likes to really twist decent people into what they would most despair to be), but in the realm, she’s stuck as it. She’s not really aware for trials, but remembers them with decent clarity, and is in constant agony over what she’s done. Unfortunately, suicide does not take in the realm, and every one of her attempts failed, just like her attempts to maim or tie herself up so she wouldn’t be able to hurt people did. She’s horribly alone and despairing, and also in physical agony. She’s at the worst end of what a human can be at as far as emaciation and starvation while still being alive goes, and that’s physically awful. It fucks up your brain chemistry too, and everything is just really fucking miserable all the time. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, your breath smells tastes like rotten fruit but in a way that’s so much worth than that can sound. She’s so hungry, her addons are things like dragonfly wings consumed to give her extra stamina. That’s the kind of bare sliver of relief she ever gets. God, poor Lisa’s life is hell. She’s completely heartbroken and isolated and almost dead. As far as relationships go, she didn’t have any for a long time. No one can really interact with her, because she goes feral at the sight of food. She’s kinda utterly alone. But briefly, when Alex, Philip, Vigo, Benedict, and Sally were a group, she kind of got stumbled into, and after a kind of nasty first encounter, was able to regain lucidity around other people, and had a truly sweet and memorable and invaluable bit of time with love and friends and other people. She was kind of in love with Sally, who did her hair for her and was really kind to her, and Sally liked her too. They were close. Lisa was close with all of them. But when things ended the way they did, the Entity took that away. Lisa remembers it, but she could never get them or it back, and was cast aside and left behind until the end of ILM, when she finally got peace and found happiness in finally getting to be at rest in the arms of a friend. Overal, she’s a fairly young and wide-eyed, bright, cautious, fun and sweet girl by nature, now massively traumatized and hopeless and broken, but still with a truly incredible amount of that kind nature retained. She would have really loved reading fantasy novels aloud and exploring the worlds of lore and history, travelling, seeing other cultures and geographic features and animals. Enjoys fashion too, and has a heart for designing and making cool, personal and cultural and symbolic tied designs, and would have been both great at that and loved it if she’d lived long enough. (Shoutout to @artianaiolanthe who inspired the fashion take & it is so suited to her I love it). A little shy, but an extrovert at heart under it, just a nervous one. Loved people. Liked climbing trees and fording brooks and baking bread and throwing rocks and baseballs to knock a target out of a tree and win a prize at little town fairs. Didn’t get the length or quality of life she was owed, and it’s just not fair or okay at all. Liked to watch the stars.

As far as getting better goes, mentally, totally. If they could get her out of the realm or break the Entity’s connection, she’d immediately stop killing. She has never done it of her own free will. She’s a sweet small town kid who was just trying to live her life. As far as physically goes though, Lisa is in one of the worst possible spots. Unlike say Amanda, who was on death’s door but healed by the Entity, or the Legion, who weren’t injured at all, Lisa was on death’s door and like Adiris, did not get healed. Just preserved in that near-death state and forced to work in it. Honestly, it’s possible she could survive long enough to get to a hospital and be saved, but at best, she’d probably live another year. When you starve, your body begins to catabolize/eat your own tissue to save itself, starting with fat, and ending with muscles and organs, which, when it reaches the heart, kills you. Lisa was so close to dead, the organ damage was probably awful, and would leave her with complications that would take her very young. The most likely thing, since she was saved literally seconds before death, would be for her to step outside the realm and immediately die. However, it’s possible she got lucky on body damage and could be saved—kinda up to interpretation—and if say, she was around for Quentin’s Vigil going healing batshit, and got some organs repaired that way, she’d have a real shot. (I also am sad. Lisa was actually the only determinate character in ILM to me/that I wasn’t sure the ending for, and while I am very happy with what ended up being her closure, I also would like to see her live for even more love and peace TuT. Lol, if I ever end up doing my goddamn four fate route fics like I’ve joked now a truly dangerous number of times about doing [>.> me @ me] then maybe she will get a variety of lives in the end). I’m glad you wanted to know! I really like and pity her. This poor kid really did nothing wrong, much like Rin, and just got eternally tortured for asking for help and justice against the monsters who took her life so violently. Fuck Brittany. (Read: the Entity.)

Ahhhh Sally. My sweet, sweet girl. Uhhh, not sure which of the Lisa questions you meant for her too, so I’ll try to speed-answer them all? Sally’s intelligent and understanding and thoughtful, patient, polite, almost elegant despite how impoverished she spent most of her life—she just tries to act like a lady and treat people with as much respect and esteem as she can (unless they suck lol). She’s also very mentally damaged and not there though, and has extremely unstable mood swings, especially into despair. Her relationships with the other killers were limited. She talked to & was on polite terms with any who would talk to her and not be condescending or a dick so openly she’d pick up on it (so like, on cordial terms with Evan, Herman, Caleb if she’d been there that long, but not like, Kenneth or Freddy or someone who wouldn’t bother to put up an act). But mostly, after figuring out she wasn’t really of any use to them, they quit communicating with her. Sally has been extremely isolated since shortly after being taken. She believes that the survivors are innocent and suffering and knows that they don’t deserve the hunt, but has no way to stop the whole system, and has been convinced by the Entity that if she does a good job and earns moris, the ones she strangles to death get to stay dead instead of coming back after death to suffer endlessly again, so she works very dedicatedly and slowly trying to earn kills to save them. It took her physical eyes when it got her and lets her see through it’s powers, and uses that to randomize what survivors look like in her memory so she doesn’t catch wise it’s the same people over and over and she’s not saving them at all. It’s extremely tragic. God it’s one of the most cruel Entity tricks, which is saying a lot. Poor gentle woman is Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill day after day year after year and she doesn’t even know how hopeless and meaningless it all is. : (

When the Vigo-Philip-Alex-Benedict team was going, though, she met and attacked, then was convinced to instead befriend them, and quickly became very attached and well liked by them. Met Lisa while with the group, and became extremely fond of her and loving towards her and was truly, truly happy for a brief period of time. Still remembers her, even as lost as all her memories are. Not her name, but what she looked like to Sally, and how her hair felt, and how nice it was. Sally would have considered everyone in that group a dear friend, and in ILM, Philip most definitely becomes her deepest, closest, and best friend, just like she does to him. She’s a very faithful woman to her soul. Loved her family, loved her husband and mourned him, worked as hard as she could. Cared for her patients, and did her best in that hell until the Entity slowly whittled away at her sanity until it broke her mind and left her convinced the only way to end their pain would be to give them death, and she had to do it to save them. Sally loves little pretty things and neatness and collections. Flowers, bows and ribbons, china and colored glass. She would have treasured gifts like decorative holiday cards and carved animal figures and left them on her mantle or carefully tucked in lovingly organized and decorated books she could open to revisit the memory. Likes dresses and skirts and the way the wind feels. Hopeful and very enduring. Loving. Had a mom heart, and will never really get entirely over the loss of her children, but is strong and kind and will find new love that makes life still worth living in other people. Will remember both kindness and cruelty a long, long time. Loved Quentin from the second he gave her flowers (Dwight: Quentin, why did the entity let you have three moms? Quentin: Because I fucking earned it >:[“ [author’s note: he did. God that poor kid...]). Loved Kate from the day she sat with her in a hospital and held her hand. Is like that. Remembers small kindness and treasures them.

Sally could definitely recover. Not all the way probably, physically or mentally, but by far enough to be complete and happy and realized and who she wants. She never meant to hurt people, so she really just needs some stability, and I think she finds that with her new family. I mean, it is a lot to adjust to. It’s been like nearly 100 years. The Entiry broke her mind, and she’s got some damage that just probably can’t ever be fixed, but a lot can be, with drugs and treatments and therapy and kindness and a good support system, and honestly, the biggest things she needs are people to keep her memories together and herself present, and influences to protect her from being manipulated and controlled now that she’s so suggestible and easy to hurt, and she’s got that. I am 100% certain that while some things—the scatteredness, the ease of slipping into other moods especially deep sadness, the different way of thinking altogether—never leave her, she gets better in the most important ways and is truly happy and quite functional and what she wants to be. While there’s no way (yet anyway lol. Cybernetics that good when?) to give her new eyes since the Entity ripped hers out, and she’s blind now, and can’t be changed, her seeing eye dog does a great job for her, and she’s very happy and adjusts well. She has a lot of friends to be her eyes, and learns to lean into what she can do and has a quite fulfilling and blissful life outside the realm in ILM.

Also: thanks for the recs! I’m going on a run soon, and I’ll add those to my iPod and give ‘em a listen if I can. Hope this answered what you wanted to know! ^u^

[rnajorarcana]

               ❛  can’t tell if i’m really here , i think i’m leaving this body -                                              bye - ye - ye - ye - ye !

                                                        oliver oli d’angelo . 23 . pan . he/they .                                                                              angel boy .                                                                              ( bullying , toxic relationships )

✧ ˖ * ° ><> ╱  ross lynch,  genderfluid,  he/they —  look  who’s  fresh  from  the  ferry,  aren’t  you  OLIVER  “ OLI "  D'ANGELO  ?  your  eroda  brochure  says  you’re  TWENTY - THREE  and  that  you’re  currently  residing  in  MARMOTON.  your  favourite  tourist  attraction  to  hang  around  is  SEA ROCK BREWERY,  and  the  locals  around  these  ports  would  describe  you  as  SILVER  TONGUED  &  CLEVER,  RETICENT  &  INSECURE.  your  resting  fish  face  really  gives  off  SHADES  OF  BLUE  REFLECTING  THE  SEAS  &  SKIES ,  TATTOO  INK  MIXED  WITH  GLITTER ,  THE  MAGIC  IN  HIS  VEINS  &  THE  DIAMONDS  IN  HIS  BONES  and  i’m  a  big  fan  of  the  DECK OF TAROT CARDS  you  seem  to  always  be  attached  to.  well,  if  you  see  the  minister  this  morning;  make  sure  you  head  on  home  as  quick  as  possible,  you  never  know  what  bad  luck  he  could  bring.

                       i . past

there is a saying that the amount of kind people in the world is diminishing ; and given exactly what you’ve been through , my dear boy ?? you could attest to that . kind people are forged in fire & have blood leaking from their mouths , given bruised knuckles and black eyes - yet here you are .

eroda born you grow up shy & quiet , gentle & sensitive - the type of kid that is easy to befriend if you talk to him but is equally as easy to shove into a locker . you are sketchpads & soft smiles but bruised cheeks & visits to the principal’s office and you’re told boys will be boys so there isn’t much the school boards can do about your constant harassment . you’re different than them because you don’t fit into their mold ; girls like you because you don’t pull their hair or make fun of them for being girls and that makes the other ones jealous , further worsening the treatment .

all you have is you , taking solace in the two things you know - artwork & video games . you imagine yourself as a gallant hero - like the one in the zelda games - riding alone but still kind & brave , and these drawings you make consist of both the characters from your comfort and yourself as such . you bury yourself in your nintendo ds , carrying it everywhere , and maybe one day you’ll be the link to a story where there’s a courageous hero needed and you can fill that slot . of course , your interests only contribute to the fact you’re seen as high school’s punching bag . you take it .

but things get different the one day you get pushed to the ground - because high school’s like that - and your beloved drawings get torn , your ds held from your grasp like a toy held from a jumping dog . and oli d’angelo , the ‘ angel boy ’ , with red lips & cherub cheeks & puppy eyes , decides he’s had enough and clocks his assailant back . principal’s office visit again , you’re suspended , but your darling mother ( she’s all you have ; your father strolled out the door before you could know him & the woman is a bit broken from hoping he could come back after all these years ) rubs your back , takes you out for ice cream , and tells you that you did the right thing .

doesn’t feel like it , since your limits were simply pushed .

graduation , art school , new horizons . oliver d’angelo meets trevor frost , and they instantly click , and with words exchanged across library tables and eventually kisses behind bookshelves , a budding romance is formed . he’s rich ; he even offers to pay for your tuition , but you fall in love with him because he looks at you like you are everything , but you don’t realize the wool pulled over your eyes - because you’re an angel who’s naive & innocent and he’s the monster that berates you & digs at you with even the most syrupy words , then lulls you into coming back . you spend your nights crying thinking you are to blame for things he’s done to you - finding he has more bedmates than just yourself , being accused of things that aren’t your fault or your doing . . . you are broken down , piece by piece , and once more . . . there’s a day where you can no longer take it .

screaming , hellfire , a broken angel finally breaks free of his chains and runs away , even though the monster tried to clip his wings . you pack up your things and leave , and you realize that your financial support is gone , but you need to get out . 

. . . this life , it’s tested your kindness & your patience - you’ve been tossed through the wringer endlessly , and as you leave his apartment , you make a resolution that you can no longer allow yourself to be hurt . you cannot be vulnerable .

you are now oli , and oli shows up to his high school reunion with a new air of confidence . obnoxious confidence , like a party boy - but he retains his charm , words of silver leaking from his lips and charisma among a crowd enough to bring in even those who treated him unkindly in the years prior . he becomes the LIFE OF THE PARTY , but he doesn’t actually want to be there . this new persona - this arrogance , this annoying voice , this being who participates in every vice possible . . . he is nothing like the sweet & gentle boy that lies underneath . but he’s a mask , a suit of armor that you carry - so you can numb yourself over the loneliness & hurt that’s plagued you over the years .

new horizons , take two . you complete a tattoo artist apprenticeship , get your license - ship yourself off to another chapter of your life that hopefully means things will change . you’re black clothes & sunglasses & tarot cards & tattoos , silver tongues and smiles that only signal mischief . long conversations and words flying a mile a minute because your mouth is your greatest weapon . the good thing is nobody here knows you . . . even though maybe , you’d want them to - but if you do , you run the risk of getting hurt again .

oliver gets hurt , but oli is a courageous hero ( maybe ) that can go up against anything needed . . . you can be oli for now , even though that hurts just as much . 

                      ii . present

SO OLI . . . god this is my son . this is my oc i’ve written forever and god do i love him . 

so !! he’s an artist , loves to draw , paint , etc , now employed as a tattoo artist ! and . . . he’s also . got a lot of bad habits since he’s got a party boy facade to keep up and tries to make himself into someone else since , who he actually is , he’s scared to be in fear of getting hurt again . 

on the inside , he’s sweet and gentle and introvereted - he doesn’t like big social gatherings and would much rather vibe on his own or with a few close friends ( if he had friends ) than anything else . but he’s afraid , again , of being himself or being vulnerable towards anyone else because he’s seen as an easy target , and his feelings are easy to manipulate . . . 

so on the outside , he’s much different . he’s fucking annoying , to start - he’s a talker , always has something to say , and he’s very good at keeping a conversation . he’s a charmer , and paired with his big brown eyes and his award winning smile he can talk a snake out of its basket . but he also , again , maybe says too much and doesn’t have any fear or realization of consequences , and indulges himself in things like alcohol , sleeping around , loud parties , etc . because that’s the persona that keeps him guarded . and he’s gotten used to it , but he doesn’t like that this is what he’s known for . he wants people to get to know him for him but . . . this is his only option , since if he lets people inside , he gets hurt . so he just has to deal . 

he’s that person that talks so much , you think he’s oversharing when in ACTUALITY he’s telling you nothing of importance . oli is fucking smart & intelligent and he knows how to read a room , how to pick his words - all survival techniques he’s learned from navigating the world around him . he’s . . . an expert at this social stuff , even tho tbh he much rather wouldn’t be . 

some ppl want to kiss him some ppl want to kick him it be like that sometimes

he’s still nice !! he’s very nice - but maybe a bit more crass and unafraid to say shit that you wouldn’t expect anyone else to say .

but also also it’s like i said before - he is very into artwork and video games , the latter especially being his huge comfort . first is his passion , second is his comfort . oli loves games and he’s lowkey nerdy as hell , even though he’s trying to conceal some parts of himself THAT always bleeds through in some shape or form . 

he’s also extremely into witchcraft , and that’s a major part of his character as well . he likes hanging at the brewery because it’s easy to get people who want tarot readings from him , and he always keeps a sigil or a crystal or something on his person . always has a water bottle of witch tea , always enchants his clothes or items , cleans his workspace at the tat parlor he works at with moonwater - that stuff . he’s known as two things - the angel boy or the magic boy . 

o also he’s genderfluid so rly any titles are valid for him , comfy with anything . diagnosed bipolar ii & adhd bc i’m a bitch that loves to project . 

HE’S . . . HE’S A GOOD BOY . he’s just . afraid to show that he’s a good boy . he’s got a heart of gold but he’s scared that if he shows it someone else is gonna use him again .

ANYWAYS !! like this n i , light , the bastard , will message u for plots !!

[rainstormfes]

Attack on Titan: The Final Season Ep13

didn't think i'd do another one of these but here i am. y'all know the drill, spoilers for everything aot are under the cut and i highly, highly recommend getting into aot if you haven't already. it's frickin amazing.

btw manga peeps pls pls pls no spoilers in any interactions to this post, pls and thanks :)

AIGHT I'M FRESH OFF OF WATCHING EP 13 AND OMG I AM ABOUT TO GO ABSOLUTELY INSANE. side note: right after i finished the ep i saw this pic on onoken's twt

AND LIKE I STILL LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH AND THEIR PERFORMANCE THIS EP WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING BUT MY GOSH I FRICKIN LOST IT. I absolutely despise floch and eren right now solely bc theyre essentially imprisoning their friends and coworkers. i'm more angry at eren than floch cause i care more about him noT TO MENTION HE THREATENED HIS BEST FRIENDS OF MF ~12 YEARS LIKE ??? seeing mikasa look so... defeated, I felt so bad for her. all she's been doing is trying to get eren back home and keep him safe while he's still on his 13 years as a titan shifter

AND CAN WE JUST-

this whole scene was amazing in the sense that it showed just how messed up this whole scenario is. Levi had protected eren at all costs for years. There were so many sacrifices made in the name of protecting eren. and now the boy himself was essentially making all these sacrifices into a joke. they don't have to attack the military for this. like hanji had said, there's no time to be fighting amongst each other.

Ok but now for the better half of the ep, hehe.

GOSH, i've been wanting gabi to meet so many ppl including sasha's family and nicolo. and she's managed to meet everyone and then some, including the girl that sasha had saved from a titan, kaya, and now eren too (i can only imagine, until next sunday ofc, how the convo/realizations between gabi and eren are gonna go IM SO EXCITED)

i absolutely love the situation we got to see: a marleyan captive (specifically the one who was very attached to sasha) and an eldian 'honorary marleyan' (specfically the one who killed sasha). like w ep11, we got to see gabi's eyes being opened again, just a little bit. she's seen again and again how the 'island demons' are nothing but ordinary ppl, just like her. and that also includes some that have shown them hospitality and sheltered them. AND that passing comment that gabi made abt mr. braus' dialect and how it was from marley... GOSH the day she fully opens her eyes and realizes that she and the ppl on the island are one and the same... PHEW thatll be one of the best moments ever. falco's already been pretty neutral to the island ppl so i am just WAITING for him to talk to eren again.

one last thing: WHAT MAKE'S ZEKE SPINAL FLUID SO MF SPECIAL. LIKE ???? ik that what he said abt it making eldians freeze up is prob a lie bUT NOW WE SOMEWHAT KNOW HOW CONNIE'S VILLAGE GOT TURNED. i just ... "i send the Power of the Titans to the coordinate via Paths" AND THAT IS THE ONLY EXPLANATION WE GET FOR THAT. like does royal blood just surpass EVERYTHING we know abt the titan power ??? and if so then like... d a n g. mf is op asf.

anywayyy, all in all, i am LOVING attack on titan more and more every week. everything that's been happening is absolutely insane and i can't wait for everything else to be animated. i rly rly RLY hope an ova is made in the future bc WE N E E D to see the final chapter animated. i will ofc pick up the manga once ep16 airs but i still wanna see that final chapter animated and released to the public in the future.

also also congrats to Ishikawa Yui-san (voices mikasa) for winning 'Best Voice Actress' at the 15th Seiyuu Awards!! she deserves it :3

and also Koyasu Takehito-san (voices zeke) for winning 'Supporting Voice Actor' !! his voice is absolutely amazing, he definitely deserves it

[fluffyseapancakes]

Oooooh can you do 84. What's behind your back with peter parker x reader (platonic or not i dont mind) in fact you can use any of the avengers rly (instead of peter or in the same fic) bte i looooove snatcher ❤❤❤

Aww thank you!!

84. “Show me what’s behind your back.”

___________________________________

You loved giving gifts to your friends, whether it be for their birthday, Christmas, or no occasion at all, you enjoyed seeing their faces light up every time they opened a gift from you. Still being a young teenager and not having a paying job, most of your gifts were homemade or something from a thrift store. Sometimes Tony lended you money when there was something you really needed to buy, but other than that, you used your creativity and artistic skills to create a unique gift. After noticing how much you enjoyed making gifts, Tony cleared out one of the unused rooms in the tower and surprised you with your own art studio. He had stocked it high with all the art supplies that you needed and put in some state-of-the-art machinery like a kiln for firing pottery. You spent most of your waking hours in the room and everyday somebody got a gift waiting for them on their bed or by their Avengers gear. Everyone loved your creative and thoughtful presents and they always smiled when they saw you working away in your workshop.

Peter was around the same age as you and naturally, you two formed a close bond and became inseparable. For the last few weeks, Peter was majorly stressed out about a science project he had to create for the last assignment of the school year. Juggling the responsibilities of Spider-Man and a high school student caused him to fall behind so he begged Tony for a short break from training until he finished the project. Peter still came to the tower often to borrow some science equipment and get feedback from Dr. Banner, you quietly watched him spread out his project on the floor and writing complicated equations and testing his hypothesis. You desperately wanted to play video games or read comics with him, but you knew this was extremely important for your best friend so you kept quiet and made him hot chocolate whenever he got too stressed.

The day of the big presentation arrived and Peter slept over at the towers the night before to fine tune his experiment and made sure there were no flaws. Both Tony and Bruce went over the project and even they were impressed by his hard work. Peter raced out of the tower and promised that he would text you when he was done with school. It was now 3:23pm and school had let out about ten minutes ago, you anxiously sat by your phone while forming a small teacup out of clay on the pottery wheel. Finally your phone buzzed and you quickly checked your messages.

Stopping by in five minutes, project went amazing :) -Peter

You grinned and picked up a small wrapped present you have been working on and raced up to the main living room of the Avengers tower. Peter was already up there by the time you stepped out of the elevator and your heart soared with happiness as you saw the ecstatic look on his face. Tony was standing next to him with a similar expression and had a congratulatory hand on his shoulder. You hid the present behind your back and approached the two men in the middle of the room.

“How did the presentation go?” You smiled up at Peter who somehow grew almost a foot taller than you in the last couple of years.

“Absolutely amazing! The teacher was so impressed that she wants me to submit it for a national science competition that could get me a grant to actually turn it into a real experiment!” Peter was practically buzzing with excitement and your eyebrows shot up in surprise. His project was about repairing severe injuries and damages to major organs with the help of, in his terms, “Hulked up stem cells.” If he did win this competition and if his experiment was successful, he could completely change the direction of medicine.

“Oh my god Peter, that’s wonderful!” You squealed, holding the present behind your back with one hand and hugging your best friend with the other.

“Thanks Y/N,” he grinned and playfully poked your belly, “Now show me what’s behind your back.”

“It looks like a present Pete,” Tony chuckled, “and it’s very rude that Y/N is hiding it from you.”

Peter smirked and stepped forward, “you’re right Mr. Stark, I should teach her a lesson on manners.”

“W-wait you guys-,” you were cut off with a squeal as Peter latched onto your sides and playfully wiggled his fingers. You tried to step back but Tony grabbed your shoulders so you couldn’t move from the spot. The grip on the present loosened but you held on tight, not wanting to drop it on the floor. You squirmed into Tony’s grip and cried with laughter when the wiggling fingers moved up to prod at your ribs. The ticklish shocks shot up your spine and your belly started to ache from laughing.

“O-Ok! You can take it!” You desperately handed the present to Peter and Tony let go of you with a laugh, you stepped back and tried to rub the ticklish sensations away, giggles still pouring out of your mouth.

Peter smiled and gently opened the present. His grin widened even more as he saw what was in the little box.

“I made one of those science beakers out of clay and put a key ring attachment to it since you’re always losing your house keys,” you looked up at Peter, hoping to see a reaction from him.

“Y/N I love it!” He beamed at you and scooped you into a hug so tight the air escaped from your lungs, “This is the best present ever.”

You laughed and hugged him back tightly, “You deserve it Pete.”

Tony playfully coughed and tapped at his watch, “Peter, you should tell your good news to Banner, unless you two were planning on canoodling for eternity.”

Both of you blushed furiously and let go of each other, Peter laughed shyly and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

“Yeah I should Mr. Stark,” he followed Tony back to the elevator and he turned his head to look at you.

“Mario Kart race when I get back?” He suggested hopefully.

“Oh you are on,” you winked at him. You watched Peter disappear into the elevator and you silently shook your head, Oh Y/N, please don’t tell me you’re falling for him.

[saturndivine]

hello. im a pisces sun taurus moon Venus in the 12h and im in love with my ex who is a gem sun cap moon w/ his Venus in Taurus... idk what to do or how to win him back. he's ignoring me rn since i broke up with him when he rly needed me and i feel like he will never forgive me since it took him so long to let his guard down in our relationship (which was a secret for a year ofc) and when he did I abandoned him bc I was just sad and detached from reality. I feel so tenderly towards him still but he is so cold ..... Also for the record we broke up almost 2 years ago and yet are still so attached but bashful abt it :/ earth moon moment. thank u my love I hope u have a lovely evening 💕💕

Oooo thats very tough…. Like super tough. Capricorn moon and taurus venus and you got them attached?? Yes they probably still have strong feelings but its logic over everything for earth placements when it comes to making sure they arent overly vulnerable, its already a challenge. Honestly sticking around would probably show him how serious you are and remaining loyal above all. Taurus venus and their desire for a loyal life partner is emphasized with a capricorn moon who enjoys long and fruitful relationships when they matter. But i hope it works out for both of you!

[kisskissbanggang]

(1/7) Bel, it's Izzy. I'm here, and I'm ready to write my prowl essay. forewarning it's probably rly long (if u didn't read pt 5 but are planning to DO NOT READ THIS please go read it's soo good!) *inhales* WTF THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I'VE READ! ok ok, so basically i loved this entire thing that idek where to start. first and foremost! all the chan x reader ;^; *UGLY CRYING* Bel I feel so fed! the push and pull! the love/hate! the love scene was so emotional and just represented them rn!

IZZY IT’S BEL THANK YOU FOR WAITING I WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD TIME AND THE HEADSPACE TO READ AND REPLY TO YOUR AMAZING CONTRIBUTION TO MY INBOX

First of all, thank you for your kind words. I say this over and over, but I can’t believe how much I love Prowl. I’m genuinely proud of it and I’m so happy to have you here enjoying it. I’m glad the push and pull is strong! This whole mess started when Chan asked Reader to trust him, and only got worse when Jisung did the same.

(2/7) like how they don't want each other (rn?) but for some reason--and this is just my opinion--I feel like they could actually find someway to grow through this and find a love for each other that's not just bc of their powers. like I feel bad that Chan and reader are having such like hatred for each other bc of those voices (step out of them vOICES! I'm sorry I had to). it made me sad to see during their love scene how against it they truly were.

They really are kindred spirits despite how much they don’t want to be (or at least Reader doesn’t want to be 👀) And if I had to speak for them in that scene, Chan doesn’t want to take advantage of her, and Reader doesn’t want to lose control 🤧

(3/7) ALSO when chan said he loved her but she made him wish he was dead. that hit me way too hard. I was so sad I hated how bad he felt to say that; AND the old picture! when the lix showed her the picture I felt way too sad, (I will get to lix momentarily) BUT BEL I AM SO SAD HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME WANNA CRY LIKE THIS! like how dare you make chan hurt so much!? (but please give us more of this angst I'm thriving off of all this lore and learning more of his backstory 👀)

DARK PAST SAD BOY CHAN IS MY FAVORITE TO WRITE AND IT’S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE FROM HERE 😭

(4/7) You write all the characters so well Bel! all the way through I felt attached to all of them! the soft fluff and love scenes with Jisung tugged at my heartstrings honestly! it had me liking the Jisung x reader ship ngl it too is a good option! (I'm still team Chan tho I'm sorry Jisung! I cannot stray from all the good angst and romance and passion and hatred and all that wonderful jazz ;p) omg and ALL! THE! BACKSTORY/LORE! (minho cameo uwu) I WAS NOT READY FOR A PLOT BOMB AT ALL!

I made Izzy enjoy Jisung x Reader? 🤩 the captain of Team Chan? 🤩🤩 That’s a win in my book 😘 but I’m glad you’re in Team Chan, and it still has a present following! More than anything, I’m just impressed Team Reader is so strong 🥰

(5/7) I love lia and her story it's so much deeper than I'd anticipated! I'm really curious to see where the story continues (I SAW THOSE OTHER 2 PARTS BEL! I'm both happy & sad bc I rly don't want this series to end but ofc when one thing ends smth even more amazing begins, hehe) for now I'll be rereading the whole thing all over again bc that's only natural; also I saw in your response to one of my asks that team chan is the lowest choice and, well, I'M SRY BUT I'M STICKING W/ THE UNDERDOG

I’ve been looking forward to writing Lia and Minho’s story since part 4 omg 🤧 I’m so happy I’m on this journey, I have no clue what I’ll do when it’s over, but I’m happy you’re here and leading Team Chan 💗

(6/7) I've rambled on a whole lot this time but prowl is the reason I began to talk to you and so it's special to me! <3 above all this part was great and the cliffhanger?! bel, lix and the girls, yuna and- omg I'm so excited to read more! I also saw how you said you kept my ask in mind while writing and 🥺 that made me really happy I'm happy I can help you in some way

Of course I kept your ask in mind! I appreciate you and all the Prowl fans so when you give me such amazing encouragement and feedback it keeps me going 🥰

(7/7) lastly I'll def talk abt my model!chan story with you more once I get some more of it figured out! it's so rough and I have like 8 other fic ideas (unless you wanna hear abt those too(?) 👀 maybe I should start a tumblr? LOL idk) anyways tho it's been so nice to be able to tell you how I truly feel abt your work here on tumblr and I hope you don't mind I sent this essay for you haha xD please never stop writing prowl and your works are amazing and I'll always be a big fan - Izzy 💜✨

YES please make a tumblr and tell me about your model!chan idea Izzy omg I’ll enjoy it so much 🥺💕

ps: SORRY I FLODDED YOUR ASKS TOO MUCH SO THESE WERE DELAYED! I just wanted to say I remember first reading prowl when it was still just a oneshot and to see how far it's come I'm proud of both you and the story it's amazing truly; oh & I'd totally be buying the original prowl books/merch/watching the movies one day btw! I'd be starting the hype train LOL xoxo - Izzy 💜✨

IZZY I love you, I appreciate you, I’m so lucky to have you, if there’s ever mercy there’s a gift basket coming your way 🤧💕

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #13: "im so EMO (TION)" - Bryce

I cant believe that im still here. And we have majority. 3 vs 2. Matt is coming to me know saying that he wants to work with me but like. Bruh. But that could be good tho having him. I have to see what happens with immunity first.

OKOKOKOK CAN WE JUST DISCUSS HOW AM I A FUCKING GOAT. FIRST OF ALL Jock destroyers was a pretty dominant alliance i played a SNITCH RAT GAME with exposing plans and i was lied to but like can i get some credit here like first of all it was my fucking ideal to even force a tie, bryce wanted sharky out he didn't want rocks i wanted rocks when my ass was literally on the line here and i was still willing to go to rocks because i don't want to be a fucking goat and do what bryce or sharky wants this is the only way i could get brian SHARKYS #1 ALLY out of the game so that you know who sharky's #1 ALLY IS NOW FUCKING ME. so you know what yeah i'm a goat, greatest of all time actually and i at least deserve some level of credit or respect here to pull some shit off like this. only person on the fucking tribe with the balls to do this shit and i don't even have balls. OK BYE.

i literally dont have words. i keep having meltdowns and like its so not like me i usually just treat games as fun but im just so upset bc brian went home when we could have prevented it and now im in a spot where annabelle and sharky control things and im basically going to get 5th. i really thought i was doing something and life came at me real quick and said learn ur place KJFSHKJDFHSKJ. like the play anna made was smart so go her i just hate that i got played and that brian left with the vote steal and that my game is ruined and i came so far and i thought i was playing alright also i hate how everyone and their mother keeps calling me out for playing the middle KJSFHFKS like grow up and shade me in ur confessionals not to my face im SENSITIVE AUBRY. basically the point is: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/506665419092918273/541697763788980225/image0.jpg

I'm SHOCKED. I swore to Annabelle I wouldn't right her name down. And yet she writes my name down! And just as I was thinking I could trust Bryce HE RALLIES VOTES AGAINST ME! I'm so pissed off, and scared, and hurt, and now I have to scramble to figure something out.

Okay let recap everything that has gone down in this 24 hours since I was betrayed. So I talked to Annabelle A LOT. Basically we've talked to each other a ton. I discover that Anna made the plan for the tie and then Bryce was only willing to flip if the vote was for me. SHADY. I knew I should have never trusted him. So basically either I convince Annabelle to save me, everyone goes to rocks, or Matt and Brian flip on me and I go home. I would have said the last one was super unlikely. So I start busting my ass to sway Annabelle. We have really opened up to each other about our games, she is feeling like she has to make a big move. I talked to her about how I feel hurt because I've busted my ass all game to save Anna and Matt and now they both seem unwilling to save me. I tell the guys we just have to be nice but imply to her she stands no shot of making the end without me and how Bryce is going to win. She has no idea we have the vote steal so Brian/Matt would definitely get Bryce out next. So I go to sleep thinking we are making progress. I wake up an Anna is like "Matt was rude to me so I'm definitely not flipping" so I'm starting to feel really hopeless. And then Matt and Brian both started to dodge the idea of rocks. And Anna is telling me Bryce thinks Matt is probably going to flip. So i'm thinking it's over. And in the FB Bois chat Matt and Brian both keep being like "I'm so conflicted" "we'd be guaranteed f4" "blah blah blah" So now I'm realizing these two aren't willing to go to rocks for me. I've spent this whole season trying to save our alliance at any cost. And now that I'm the one in danger...they aren't willing to take the risk. SO now I get it. I've been too nice. If they are going to put their games above mine and aren't willing to risk it so all 3 of us can make F5...I'm going to have to make sure we take that risk because it's my only shot. So I pitch to Anna a way she can get her rocks and I can be safe. We tell them that Anna agrees to save me. That way they think were set and it'll all work out and then it'll go to rocks and I'll be safe. It's super risky and I'm putting all my faith in Annabelle and I feel so scared and guilty and idk but this is the only way I survive and there is a chance Anna goes and it all works out. But...it's also not lost on me that Anna is willing to risk her own game to save me...but my own alliance isn't. I'm feeling...weird.

Brian went home. I...honestly am just feeling horrible. And he was so mad at me. Like mad to the point that I'm worried I ruined a real life friendship over this game. And Matt is furious too and he's going off on me in our group chat which fucking sucks. Like that was the worst case scenario for me. And it sucks. But I shouldn't have to feel bad about this. Like both Brian and Matt were willing to vote me out so they didn't have to go to rocks. They put their game first so why am I a villain for doing the same thing? And they want to be like "we were up front with you about not being sure" like that's supposed to make me feel better. Yeah of course you were honest you weren't the ones in danger. It's easy for y'all to be honest when you're just going to vote me out. I couldn't have been honest with them or they would have flipped and I would have gone home. How do they not see that? Was I supposed to just give up? How is that fair? And how is it that they can vote me out and I just have to accept that but they can't accept that I saved myself. I'm feeling super alone, like I can't trust anybody, and like my best friends won't even take a second to look at it from my point of view. Of course I feel terrible. I just hope this doesn't come between genuine friendships.

ANNA REALLY JUST CLOCKS ME AND SHE KNOW SHE CAN BC WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO DO. me matt maynor better be this f3 matt might win tbh but idc! anna has CROSSED ME and like laughs in my face FKJADSHFKAJ like yes ur iconic yes u did #that but im in this game with u and its a lil rude to flaunt ur success at me FKJADSHFAKJ when i do sth good i would never constantly bring it up (btw i won immunity once and got that cute blue color so everyone is jealous prob...) also im so emo i miss dennis and i miss brian they were the 2 ppl who i felt close to in the game and theyre both gone i literally am so upset i feel like if i wasnt so busy before tribal i could have talked to brian more and convinced him he had to vote sharky bc i KNEW anna was voting sharky but he bought her lies and i was convincing enough so i just feel its my fault i lost my closest ally (and his vote steal) although maybe he would have beat me in the end so this is good thing? nope! like i think i played alright in the middle but ppl prob wont respect it and idk if i would bc clearly im biased and maybe i am just a goat and thats why im still in like i rly tried to do sth this round but didnt i just ugh so demotivated hehe but maybe ill snap or sth insert positive uplifting quote here i just hope that i can turn this around and defeat anna and her pet shark. ALTHOUGH ITS LIKE WHERE THE BIG DOG PULLS ITS OWNER AND WALKS IT INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND. im so EMO (TION)

yesterday i was feeling a LOT of emotions and now that i have distanced myself i realize that my emotions were VALID and i am perfect and had the RIGHT to be upset that everything went wrong. i am speaking my immunity win into existence it WILL happen. i HAVE done the homework and even if i flop it (which i wont) i will still NOT GO HOME bc matt and maynor are hopefully on my side. OK BUT LIKE IM JUST SO JKAFSHKAJDSFHADSKFJA

This immunity is very important. We cant let Matt or Sharky win it. We need to have the opinion for them available to be voted out.

So like.... I am upset and feel very alone now in this game. Brian got rocked out and i was lied to again. I am just like so over it. I feel manipulated when I did have all the power and could've got a big threat out. but NO sharky and anna the fucking dynamic duo they are decided it would be fun to go to rocks! I am just so over it. Im getting fucking 5th place and I am MAD.

OR AM I? I decided to lie last night and say i gave my idol to brian last night. Why? It would paint an even bigger target on my back so i can go idoling. Cause of course I am not dumb enough to go and give my idol away hell naw. Instead, I need to knock sharky out of the immunity comp tonight but then get everyone on my case so they vote me. then boom idol. i know that this should get me to f3. I hope. If sharky goes next, and anna/maynor win FIC. then i know i can get at least maynor with me cause Bryce will then be the clear winner out of us 4. then maybe i will have a shot at the win but eh, need to get there first. I hope to god this can work and if not, final juror here i come!

I woke up feeling TERRIBLE. I feel so bad about the Brian situation. Matt won't respond because he probably hates me. I feel like a trash person. And tbh I'm questioning if I even deserve to be here.

I feel sick. Literally this is the worst case scenario. If anybody else had won everything would be fine. And now Matt has like given up which makes me even sadder. I'm honestly considering asking everybody to vote me out. So that Matt at least has a shot of making FTC. This sucks.

I WON IMMUNITY WOOOH IM SO ICONIC IM LITERALLY A LOSING FINALIST AND EVERYONE WANTS ME OUT I FEEL LIKE ILL LOSE IN THE END BUT THAT WONT STOP THESE PPL FROM GIVING ME 4TH WHEN I LOSE THE NEXT IMMUNITY AJKFDSHKFAJ THEYRE ALL LIKE SO VISIBLY DISAPPOINTED I WON IM SO SAD NNNN I WOULD BE HAPPY FOR THEM! i really hope they vote out sharky now bc its literally the smart move but im willing to bet theyll keep him to spite me annas gonna be like sharky needs to stay we get him out NEXT round and maynor might be convinced or sth idk and matt idk askdjfhdkjf i thought we were good but he ghosted me all day today so hm. club 96 nina and tina really falling apart

Matt is literally shutting down. Like I'm trying to talk with him and mend things and try to rally him so we can figure out how to keep us both safe and honestly he's just not interested. He seems disinterested and honestly he's being kind of a brat. Stop pouting! Sack up and help me fight. Because yes I was selfish last round and that put us in a tough spot but It was never my idea to trust Bryce or my idea to ignore that we had a vote steal to secure our vote at F6. I'm not the only one who made mistakes. So come on and let's freaking recover! Or are we just supposed to lay down and award Bryce the win? UGH

I was really on the brink of asking everybody to vote me out. But Matt is being so useless right now. If he's going to act like that he'll just get picked off at F4. He has no fight. So I'm over it. I really do love him but at this point I'm going to have to just try my best to get Annabelle and Maynor to believe that they stand the best chance at FTC against me, instead of Bryce or Matt. I've already ruined my reputation so I might as well at least try to fight. I feel over everything but I have to get it together.

The vote hopefully is between Matt and Sharky. I know Bryce really wants Sharky gone. Annabelle and I are talking and seeing which route is the best for us to make it to the end.

Like wow. My brain is so big. Im pretending that I threw away my idol to brian at the last second, and that I am leaving this round. Whereas in actually reality I still have my idol and sure as heck im playing it tonight and making final 4 YEET. like woe is me, woe is me, lol no bitch im here to stay. Sharky like, needs to leave as well. I love him but 2 big if a threat and I would quite like to well, win.

Oh and as I write this annabelle needs me huh. Well listen here, you lied to my fucking face and got brian out. Thus, you also need to leave bish. I am fed up of being lied 2 constantly by these fuckers called my tribemates and I am NOT here for it anymore. Time to play the lies and deceit game myself huh

This round is so weird for me. I felt like I was in such a tough place and feeling really defeated. But now Anna is getting paranoid and there is a very slim chance I could get her to to vote Maynor and then Matt and I both make F4. But my issues is I can't trust anybody. Because I don't think anybody trusts me. Like Maynor is being very noncommittal. Anna keeps flip flopping and maybe she'll flip onto me. Matt seems on board but honestly maybe he deeply deeply hates me and is just lying and will vote me out.

There is a little over an hour left before tribal. I'm convinced that it's me going home. Everyone seems to be too easy to agree to vote with me. It's not looking good.

Literally wtf. The Biggest plot twist of the century is occurring. I'M THE SWING VOTE?? Like since when in hell was I going to be the deciding factor. I mean I like it, I have the power for once and I am safe but still omg i LOVE IT! I am bunsen the Berner in this image, deciding between 2 fates: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DzD8lXwUwAAgTlp?format=jpg&name=900x900

Having a panic attack. Im really nervous. Like i know its between Matt and Sharky. But there is still a chance that somehow me or annabell could still go. I hope it doesnt and its clear cut with Sharky and Matt. Fingers cross. Or imma die.

i had a good talk with anna today and i kind of love her (as long as she votes sharky) i think maynor might go now which is sad bc anna says matt/sharky are doing that but like matt says that he wants me maynor him f3 so who knows! anna like was honest with me about not knowing who to vote and seems to be voting sharky but literally anything can happen so whomst knows.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okokok i feel so fucking badly about this move like so badly ughhhhhhhhhh but i feel like it has to happen i'm so so soooo sorry sharky like you have no idea i've been torn all day on what i should do and idk i feel like i lose no matter what this fucking blows

Sharky is voted out 4-1. 

[celestialallstars]

Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

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Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

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Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

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Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

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im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but  i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal.  I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

________________________________________________________________

As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

________________________________________________________________

i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

________________________________________________________________

Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

________________________________________________________________

Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

________________________________________________________________

So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

________________________________________________________________

Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #10: “ I'm a fucking Virgo. If you burn me I will never forget it.” - Jess

Dear Alyssa,

For someone who claims to have a HUGE interest in Astrology.... you seem to have forgotten the fact that I'm a fucking Virgo. If you burn me I will never forget it. You declared war and that's on YOU.

i hate this “we only start talking an hour before tribal” nonsense that this merge tribe has going on. like pls get your lives together sooner. i don’t even message ppl anymore bc we just do the “yaaa i haven’t heard anything” “me either” back and forth

i feel pretty hopeless in the game i’m ngl, fully think we should just wrap it up now and give zach the win

alyssa is an emotional and illogical player who came into the merge with the goal of miguel and luke being voted out for voting against her premerge. she didn’t think of the long term, only revenge. it’s embarrassing.

i don’t rly have an endgame path. or anything anymore. i miss luke and stephen.

So, yesterday was a bit of blindside for me. Not even really because Luke left, I woke up that morning willing to vote him out myself, but because I was unable to get Karth, Tim, or Alyssa on my side. I don't think any of them are truly "against me" at this point but it's a little worrying that Luke left over Jake, who I still don't really have a strategic relationship with.

Alyssa confronted me last night saying that other people had gone to her and said that I was planning to target her once Jake was gone. This isn't exactly true, but it has enough basis in reality since I have talked in the "4-elements" alliance about how we should target Jake before going after Alyssa. I'm not sure who went to her with this idea, nor do I know if she was even approached with it in the first place. Alyssa has deceived me for 2 votes now. First, she outright lied to me about voting Zach out at F10 (I still don't technically have confirmation of this, but it makes sense that she'd take out Luke/Miguel as soon as possible). More evidence supporting that she lied is that the former Kato2.0 side decided to vote Luke out next, which would be odd if he was the one to flip to their side at the first merge vote.

The second thing she lied about was being on the fence at this last tribal council.  After Luke was gone she told Jess that we "should've known she didn't want Jake out" despite her never saying that to us. It's clear that Alyssa had planned to vote Luke out as soon as she knew this would be a 5-4 vote. But she lied to me about that and wasted my time up until the very last minute.

Basically, what I'm saying is... it's getting exhausting to try and work with her strategically. It's not like Ally/Jess/Karth, who I feel I can talk frankly and honestly with. I want her and Jake gone. Jake hasn't really "wronged" me in anyway, but I can tell him and Alyssa have to at least be a little close so the jury can have both of them. Honestly, I kinda want them both gone more than Zach at this point. I'm doing my best to win this upcoming immunity challenge so people stop going behind my back, but if Zach were to win.. well... I certainly have a few alternatives in mind.

I am feeling a bit stuck in this game. With Zach in the game I feel my game is pretty restricted and I would feel too bad to backstab him. I already felt bad for voting Luke. I just dont know what to do here.

i have no idea what’s happening

zach and karth have reached out to me about potentially trying to reconcile and ofc i’m open to that

i’m kinda worried they’re voting jess out and i hope not bc i love her

i wish i had any kind of idea what i was doing

i wish luke didn’t get voted out

i wish this idol search made sense

i wish i was a little bit taller i wish i was a baller

So apparently Zach and Jake are throwing around Stephen's name with my name as an alternative. I'm not surprised at all at this rate. I figured this would happen as soon as I took my strike at both Zach and Jake.

The only possible saving grace from this all is that both Alyssa and Tim let me know about it. This kind of gives me a glimmer of hope that both of them aren't willing to at least vote me out at this stage in the game. If they'd did.. they'll look like idiots because I'm playing such a horrible game. I have yet to make a big move or win an immunity, I don't have any solid alliances aside from "The Last Hope" which honestly just a circumstantial alliance and most likely we die soon. Taking me at this point is ridiculous because I'm literally the perfect person to sit final 3 with right now.

My game plan at least now is.. I want either Zach or Jake to go. If I can work the angle of Jake or Zach trying to get me out as a way to sway people who think I'm their best friend in this game... yeet. If not I am dead and I will write my own eulogy....

If I get voted out because I lost immunity by 1 point.. I WILL FUCKING RIOT.

Ok so sorry for the lack of confessionals going on I have a lot (of good things) happening in my life atm. Anyways, I got sent to the basement which sux and now the vote is super stressful!!! I'm pretty much pulling a lot of strings within the tribe atm and trying to balance it all! I have Zach and Jake in my pocket completely!! Jake and Alyssa are like on my coat tail and Jess/Stephen/and Ally are in their grave ready to be destroyed lmaoo. Fingers crossed I don't go home.

im vulnerable, and it's an hour til tribal. i'm unsure of what's going to happen. here's a quick recap:

A - i go to ally/stephen to encourage reconciling. i think this is genuinely smart as we are all 'big threats' and it's stupid to let middle players slide by while helping pin bigger threats against one another. they basically end up agreeing (more so stephen). B - alyssa and tim come to me (separately) saying that they are throwing my name around, and tim goes even further to say that they want to split between me / jake. this sounds really believable based on track record. C - ally pms me saying that she heard X told Jess who told her that i'm targeting stephen. i say it's true, but under the circumstances that people are saying they are going after me. D - we talk in the "alliance" chat and come to a conclusion that jake should be the vote as he best fits the "middle player" role, thus being dangerous. though i disagree, i'm in no position to bury karthik/tim in a hole. E - with karthik spearheading, i help flip the vote from stephen to jess. this is because jess will weaken that side, and i don't trust her. at all. on top of that, it helps me not worry as much abt alyssa being sketchy & it keeps my promise 2 stephen/ally in the sense of not voting stephen (and i can argue saying that with them lying at merge, i had to be reaaaalllllyyyy cautious). F - i'm unsure about my idol. it could still happen. right now i'm leaning towards playing my idol because i want it GONE. by using this idol, here are the outcomes: F.1 - the vote is 4-4 or even more slanted, and i idol successfully, meaning jess will leave this game. F.2 - i receive 0 votes and completely waste it. this makes me more vulnerable, but also, could help if i utilize it correctly/effectively. F.3 - I receive 3 votes (give or take) and it's ineffective but shows that i can't trust ally/stephen and by attachment, jess (who should be gone). i guess my preferred order would be F1 -> F3 -> F2 just because if i use it, i want it to be as effective as possible since wasting an idol isn't going to help my case at FTC (which is already weak LSDGKDSLGDSH).

my gut is really sick (as always bar f9.. so just f10). i don't THINK i'm getting any votes, but u can never be too sure. to elaborate on the entire point of 'F', i want to go over pros n cons of idolling (and wasting it). PROS: - no more paranoia for me (GOD BLESS) - i'm much more vulnerable, meaning they may not target me (double-sided) - im 100% safe regardless, and in f7. CONS: - im more vulnerable; easier to target. - ppl are shook bc i dont trust them/ didnt tell them - its wasted and doesnt help my FTC case.

and lastly, who has the idols? [based on tribe idols] CONFIRMED: me . (OG Takagi idol) LIKELY: alyssa (the only person who could have two) COULD POSSIBLY HAVE ONE: stephen (someone probs has attila, i think itd be him or alyssa). karthik (basement king, but def not tribal idol probs .) jake (og kato, could have the kato idol). NOT LIKELY: tim (og takagi/nu-kato. both idols were gone, so i doubt it. but, maybe basement??) jess (unless she worked w alissa n found attalia, it's no) DEFINITELY NOT: ally (was on OG Takagi (my idol) and takagi post-swap, so unless swap idol, N/A).

Jess is voted out 5-3. She becomes the fourth member of our jury.