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sissytobitch10seconds · 1 year ago

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One Hell of a Beginning

Fandom: Umbrella Academy Summary: Viktor has to go on a grand quest to tell a man he's had a crush on since his Freshman year of college that he got pregnant after they spent one night together at a party while slightly tipsy. Warnings: Pregnancy, mentions of abortion, trans male pregnancy, and anxiety attacks Word Count: 6,737 Ship(s): Five Hargreeves/Viktor Hargreeves

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A/N: So a couple people wanted to see the way that Five reacted to the baby from the first part of this series, so I wrote it! It's very unlikely that I'm going to write anything else in this series because I feel like it'd be the same thing as what I wrote in a couple other fics but with different things going on in the background. I hope that you guys can enjoy this! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Allison was going to get suspicious the longer that they had to dance around her, Viktor knew that.

Despite that knowledge and him being an overall smart person in general, he kept moving the goalpost to try and avoid completing the plan that he and Klaus had come up with. The note stared him in the face from the homescreen of his phone, constantly reminding him of what he had to do every time he opened up one of his relax-time games or tried to flick through social media between classes.

Classes were almost finished, most professors having already given their finals and graduation nearing. Viktor had finished enough of his work that he had basically nothing to do other than catch up on sleep.

He had wondered over the past couple of weeks how much harder it would have been to keep his secret from his roommate if he didn’t have the excuse of being a college student. He knew that a lot of their hallmates had the same kind of attitude as he did, so he was able to skate under the radar. Sleeping all the time could be blamed on him catching up on the sleep that he had missed while he was studying for finals. Mood swings could be passed off on the anxiety and stress that came with graduating and having to move out into the real world. The vomiting was harder to explain since Viktor made a rule of not drinking more than a single mixed drink even when in his own dorms, but even then he could just wave it off saying that his body was unhappy with their new final-induced diet. Finals were a good excuse for cravings as well since he could say that it was a good way to get his body’s daily nutrients quickly or some other poorly worded excuse.

The only problem was that Allison was smart and had been living with Viktor for four years. She was getting suspicious and he could tell by the way that she continued to try and pry into him whenever he gave her one of those excuses. He usually tried to make sure that he ate three square meals a day even if that happened to be while walking to his next class or around a book about music theory. She knew that he slept for at least five hours a night and supplemented the missed sleep with coffee during finals. She knew that he made sure to eat a balance of junk and healthy foods, something that had been drilled into him by his parents.

The last straw was going to be a combination of the appointment Klaus had just picked him up for and him going to church last Sunday. He usually only went to church when his parents were in town and they weren’t going to be showing up until graduation in two weeks. He had gone because he had felt like it was important to try and access the spirituality that his parents had always promised was there, but he had never felt. It was the same, despite the little life that he was carrying inside of him. He was considering taking Jayme up on their offer to attend the full moon rituals she was holding with her coven just to see if that would help either.

Something about learning that he was pregnant had completely changed how he had looked at the world. The decision to go through with the pregnancy and keep the baby had been another step towards that change, but not as much as the test coming back positive. A part of him deep inside must have known that would be the answer he was going to give when he got the result before even he did. It felt more final than any other decision in his life had. He knew that he would have been able to back out of college if he needed to, or move out of the dorm that he shared with a stranger at the time. There was always something to fall back on or a way to get out of that decision, but not with this one.

Viktor was standing in front of the door to his own apartment, frozen with fear. He knew that what he was going to do next didn’t even involve having to talk about his little secret. The only thing that he had to do was ask for something, he didn’t have to explain it if he didn’t want to. Even after prompting.

Those were Klaus’ words, Viktor would never be brave enough to refuse to give information to Allison when she looked at him with that unsure expression. He always wanted to reassure her that he was okay and validate every decision that he made that she didn’t approve of. She had that kind of motherly tendency about her despite her penchent of making bad decisions herself. The voice mails from her ex-boyfriend from Freshman year were proof enough of that.

“You can do this,” he muttered to himself as he grasped the handle to the door and then walked in.

Allison was sitting on the couch with Raymond, he current boyfriend and an English major. They had a couple of books on the coffee table that they were purposefully ignoring despite the fact that Viktor knew their finals weren’t quite over yet.

“Hey, you’re home,” Allison smiled as she turned to look back at her roommate.

“That I am,” he replied as he closed the door behind him. He was trying to look casual as he shed his jacket and then dumped it on the little counter that they had in their makeshift kitchen. Their dorm was better than a lot of the other ones offered by the university, but it was still shit. He was glad he was going to be graduating and moving into a new apartment before the baby came.

Even just thinking about the fact that in a few months time he was going to have a whole child relying on him for their every need sent a shiver of anxiety up his spine. He always wished that he had kept the jacket on while traversing through his apartment after he remembered that the only remaining physical proof of his pregnancy was tucked into the pocket.

He tried to play it cool as he walked into the living room so that he was standing next to the couch. He awkwardly folded his arms over his chest and stomach, which hadn’t begun to change in a noticeable way but Viktor was still very nervous about. He cleared his throat and then shifted from foot to foot as he asked, “Do you think that you could give me Luther’s number?”

Allison had been half ignoring him the entire time that he was back in their apartment, obviously hoping that he would go to his room or pick up whatever he needed to spend time with Klaus. He was usually out of their dorm when she had her boyfriend over after the time that he had heard them being intimate through the paper thin wall that separated their rooms from each other. When she heard him ask that, her brows immediately flew into her hairline and she turned to look at him, “What?”

“Y-you still have it, right? I know that it would be totally in your right to delete it since what you guys had didn’t even really last that long and was totally weird but I know that you still talk sometimes so I was hoping that you would still have it and would feel comfortable giving it to me,” he rambled. The words were tumbling out of his mouth until they were basically overlapping and on top of each other.

She held up her hand to silence him before he could continue his ramble. While he had been talking she was untangling her legs from Ray’s so that she could stand up and face him properly. “Viktor, I don’t mean what number, I meant why did you want it? You and Luther had about one conversation and it went poorly because he’s a huge himbo. Why do you want his number?”

“I need it,” he said, which was entirely unhelpful. Viktor tried to wrack his mind for excuses that he could give her about why he wanted the number.

It had apparently been too long since her initial ask as she then said, “I know, but why?”

“I’m trying to get some information from him that I really need,” his eyes flickered over to Allison. He knew that if he told her then Ray would hear again quickly, but for some reason his brain was more okay with him hearing through his girlfriend than through his own mouth. Usually it would be the other way around since he had been the subject of several nasty gossip trains when they were in college, so he preferred that people just not talk about him as a whole. However, having to tell everyone that he was one of those people that got pregnant on a one night stand in college wasn’t really something he wanted to have to keep admitting.

“Why don’t I step out for a moment and give you two a second to talk? You can let me know when it’s okay to come back,” Ray said as he got up from the couch. He held Allison’s waist to bring her closer so that he could kiss her cheek.

“Thank you, baby,” she murmured as she brushed her hand over the side of his face.

Viktor’s heart ached as he wished that he could have that kind of relationship with Five. If he had just had the guts to go up and talk to him then he wouldn’t have ended up pregnant at twenty-two with no one to help him raise the kid other than his childhood best friend. Had things gone well, there was the slightest chance that he would have ended up pregnant at twenty-two with the man of his dreams at his side and a pleasant future smiling at them both. Then he wouldn’t have to spend the rest of his life explaining that his child wasn’t an accident, but a surprise that happened earlier in their life than they had intended.

He had spent a lot of time over the past couple of weeks daydreaming instead of continuing on with the plan that he and Klaus had made.

Once the door clicked shut and signified that they were really as alone as they could in the dorm block, Viktor took a deep breath to steady his nerves. His nausea had been playing up since his best friend had sat down next to him in the canteen to let him know that he had to get started on the plan or it was never going to happen. “I’m pregnant, Allison.”

“With Luther’s kid?” she gasped, her eyes widening big enough that they were basically consuming her entire face.

“What? NO!” he shouted immediately. She had been right about him and Luther only having one real interaction with each other. It had been when they were Freshman and Allison was still playing the will-they-won’t-they game with him like she had done with a string of men during that year. They had gotten hostile with each other, which had been the deciding factor for the relationship that it wasn’t going to be happening. Since then they had both changed and settled out so they could chat when they were in a group together in one of their shared classes and didn’t have to glare at each other in the hallways.

Given that their relationship had started off in such a bad place, it only made sense that Allison would be so flabbergasted at the idea of them putting aside their grudge to the point where they could sleep together and Viktor could conceive.

He let out a sigh as he began to pull at the ends of his fingers. “The baby is Five’s, his twin brothers. Five is really fucking antisocial so the only way that I can reach out to him is through his brother because the only person that would have his number doesn’t text people,” he groused.

This hadn’t been his original plan, to go through two different people so that he could get the number he needed. However, when he had asked Lila about it she had just laughed and showed off the conversation that she had through Instagram. Viktor had later learned, while complaining about how much she sucked, through Diego that was the only way she talked with anyone. Apparently her adoptive mother was the only person that had her number so that she could handle the notifications differently and avoid accidentally reading a message she wasn’t prepared to reply to.

Viktor felt a little bit guilty as he remmebered that Diego still wasn’t in the loop. The two of them had been closer than he was with Allison because their interests aligned more and they actually spent quality time together. Viktor considered himself to be friends with Allison, of course, but he and Diego had reached the same level that he had with Klaus. To an extent, he supposed, seeing as Klaus knew about the baby while Diego didn’t.

A couple of months ago, he thought that the most complicated part of his life was going to be the transition from college to his first job.

Allison had apparently come to her senses. She toyed with the end of one of her braids as she asked, “Is that why you’ve been acting so weird?”

“Huh?” he asked, intelligently, since he had been so trapped in his own mind that he had lost their place in the conversation.

“The baby. Is that why you and Klaus have been acting so weird?” she reiterated.

Another wave of guilt. “Yeah, I’m sorry. Originally we didn’t want to tell anyone because I wanted Five to be the first person to know other than Klaus. Klaus was there with me when I took the test which is the only reason that he knows. I was going to tell you eventually…”

“Are you keeping it?” she asked next, her eyes flickering around their tiny dorm room apartment.

“I’m not due until well after we graduate, it’s not like I’ve been keeping this from you for months and months. I found out six weeks ago and I’m barely even at the tale end of my first trimester,” he explained. “I just… I’ve been putting this off for as long as I can and now I can’t anymore. We’re graduating in two weeks and I just got my first ultrasound done so I really need to tell Five so that I can give him the chance to be involved in his kid’s life.”

“Do you think he’s going to want to be?” Allison asked. She grabbed her phone from where it had been resting on top of all the books she wasn’t using to study.

Viktor dropped his head down into one of his hands. His feet were already beginning to ache despite how early he was into his pregnancy. He wanted to pass out and ignore his problems until a much, much later date but if he did that then he would have to answer to his best friend. “I have no idea. I’ve had a crush on him since we were freshman and while he’s absolutely gorgeous and very intelligent, he keeps his personal life so guarded that I didn’t even know Luther was his twin until four months ago.”

She laughed and then handed him her phone, open to the contact that he needed. He pulled out his own phone and then copied the information he needed before he handed it back to her. “Thank you for helping me with this, Allison.”

“Of course. What kind of asshole would I be if I stopped you from getting into contact with your baby daddy?” she laughed as she dropped her phone back down onto the table.

Viktor cringed, “Don’t ever say that to me again.”

Another laugh as she pulled him into a hug. It felt nice to be in the comforting embrace of another one of his friends, confirmed that they didn’t hate him for the slip up in judgment that he had that resulted in a life changing consequence.

Allison kissed the top of his head and then said, “But I am going to be the type of asshole to kick you out of your own apartment. I want my boyfriend back here, so you have to scoot.”

---

Klaus’ dorm was very different from Viktor’s. Instead of being what was essentially a mini-apartment that his mother had helped him pay for, it was a standard cinderblock room. Klaus had managed to drive away every single roommate that he had ever had to the point where the administrators had given up trying to room him with anyone. That meant that he had pushed both of the single beds together and stretched a custom-altered queen-sized sheet over the mattresses to give himself a larger bed. His walls were cluttered with posters and overdue assignments, the ceiling stained from when he had been chain smoking cigarettes when they were sophomores (his mother had gotten so upset at him for it that he had quit almost immediately after she found out). His floor was littered with washed and unwashed laundry, more assignments, and enough baggies of weed to kill a large badger.

The weed was remaining unsmoked this time, though they had shared a joint or two every other time that they had been in his dorm. There wasn’t a lot of research about what marijuana would do to an unborn fetus since it had been criminalized for so long, but Viktor knew that smoking was bad so he assumed that he should just avoid the whole fiasco altogether.

He was spread out on top of Klaus’ bed after shoving the laundry that took up a fourth of it onto the ground. He was sitting with his legs crossed and his back propped up against the pillows with one hand pressed to where his child was steadily growing. He had his phone in the other hand, typing awkwardly with only one thumb.

“This entire thing feels so weird,” he muttered.

“That’s like the thousandth time you’ve said that since it all began. We get it, being pregnant is like totally bonkers,” Klaus teased.

He stopped when Viktor sent him a look, obviously not in the mood for that kind of thing. “Klaus, you know that this is really stressing me out. What if Luther and Five turn out to be total assholes? I know that his relationship with that theoretical physicist undergrad has changed Luther or whatever but we’ve ended up snarling at each other every time that we’ve had a long conversation other than once. Now I’m asking him for his brother’s number because I’m carrying his nibling! That’s fucking insane.”

“You’re right, it is weird. But Luther isn’t an asshole anymore. Sloane really made him change who he was and realize that the world didn’t revolve around him. Five is just weird in general,” Klaus shrugged. “Here, read me what you’ve got so far.”

“I just said: ‘Hey, this is Viktor from Mythology and History. I know we’re not super close but I need a favor and you’re the only person left that I can ask’. Which, I know, is super cryptic and not really the best way to start the conversation but I already sent it,” he grumbled.

“If you already sent it and it’s a text then there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ve just gotta learn to roll with the flow, Vik! Everything is gonna turn out okay in the end, you know that. We’re gonna raise this baby together as the best village a kid could ever ask for regardless of whether or not Five wants to be involved in their life,” he soothed. He had given Viktor that speech throughout the entire process of his pregnancy so far. Every step of their plan had felt like scaling an entire mountain in one go, overwhelming and nearly impossible.

Viktor was glad that he had Klaus by his side because if he hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t have even gotten as far as he had. “I know, thanks,” he grasped his best friend’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. Klaus was laying with his back pressed to the edge of the bedframe and his head tilted backwards so that he could look at Viktor while they were talking. When they weren’t, he was facing forward and doing a rather crude sketch of their teacher for a last-minute assignment he had neglected.

The pregnant musician jumped when his phone sounded to let him know that he had gotten another text. He relayed it to Klaus as he read it, “‘Hey Viktor, Allison let me know that you got my number from her earlier. What did you need?’ Klaus, what do I even say to that? Do I explain why I need his brother’s number or do I just ask for it?”

“Just ask for it. I never give an explanation even after I’ve been prompted to do so,” he smirked.

That got a little laugh out of him, which drained some of the tension from the surrounding room. He sent off the message requesting the other man’s number. Luther sent him a question mark and then the number before asking him what it was about. Viktor tried to assuage any worry or confusion he had by promising that he would explain it later.

He set up the contact for Five with shaking hands before he sent a message eerily similar to the one that he had just sent the other twin. “Here, this is what I have so far: ‘Hey, my name is Viktor. We met at a party a couple of months ago and I need to talk to you about something very important. Do you have a time/place we could meet up?’”

“From a logical stand point that is a very good message, however, I think that it would be a lot funnier if you said that you had something of his,” Klaus grinned.

“The baby is not a possession to be owned,” Viktor bit out immediately afterwards. His own father had tried that when attempting to get custody of Viktor when he was younger, which of course had not passed in the American court of law.

He sent off the message and then collapsed down onto the bed as he waited for a reply. He got one pretty quickly afterwards, simply giving him a dorm block number and a time. “I guess I’m going to be revealing the fact that I’m carrying my long-term crushes baby to him in a week.”

Klaus flipped around and then snatched the phone back from him to look it over. “Man, he didn’t even say hi back. Do you want me to come with you or are you gonna be good?”

“I think that I should be okay to do the whole meeting with just the two of us. Having you there might be awkward. Will you walk me there?” Viktor asked hopefully.

“Of course,” Klaus easily promised.

---

A week before graduation and a week into his second trimester with a pregnancy he had never expected to carry, Viktor and Klaus were wandering down the complicated sidewalks of their college campus to try and find a specific address. The GPS that they were using was very upset that they weren’t on the road, despite the fact that they were not in a car and had to be on the sidewalk. They had been going in relative silence as Viktor rehearsed things that he could say to Five once the time actually came over and over again in his head.

They were finally told that they had arrived at their destination in front of a tall dorm block next to a frat house. It was one of the cleaner frat houses on campus, without the trash littering the yard and generally pleasant looking people milling about in the front. The dorm block itself was nearly twenty stories and painted the same gentle purple as the schools’ overall color scheme. It was well kept on the outside and completely devoid of people coming in and out of it. That wasn’t as rare as it would have been earlier in the year since everyone was so close to graduating that they either wanted to catch up on sleep, had to study, or didn’t even want to be on campus more than they absolutely had to.

Viktor paused and looked to the top floor as if that would somehow help him feel more steady with what he was going to have to do. He had barely slept the night before because he had been so anxious about what the next day would entail.

He snapped out of his thoughts again when Klaus placed a hand on his best friend’s shoulder, “You sure that you’re going to be okay? You know, doing this alone?”

“I don’t think that it’s going to have the same punch if I have someone there while I explain that he knocked me up,” he muttered. He ran a hand through his bangs to try and right them. When he had gotten up earlier that morning they had refused to lay flat, the dark chocolate locks already growing thicker and wilder than they ever had before in his life. His nails had also begun to grow quicker and gotten thicker, which was apparently a symptom of pregnancy no one online bothered to talk about.

Klaus didn’t seem so convinced. He wrapped Viktor up in a hug and while kissing the top of his head said, “If anything gets weird or bad you tell me right away and I’ll force Ben to come and check on you with me.”

Viktor laughed, his troubles melting away in the safety of his best friend’s arms. “You know that I will. You’re going to be the first person after Five to know how it all went down. And if it goes bad you better be prepared to pick up the pieces because I can only manage one person at a time and right now that means baby is my responsibility.”

“I know,” he chuckled as he pressed another kiss to the top of his head. “Now go. Actually tell him or there will be Hell to pay from me!”

The smaller man laughed and waved him off as he began towards the dorm block. He walked through the front door and then to the elevator at the back of the long hallway. There was a bulletin board inside that had a myriad of different declarations, such as when the graduation party was going to be, that someone was offering guitar lessons, when quiet hours were (that one had been scribbled over with a myriad of different colors to give each person their own quiet hours), a petition to make the dorm animal-friendly, and half of an essay that had a large boot print in the middle.

The elevator ride up to the floor that he had been given was slow and wobbly, since nothing in any of the dorm blocks was ever great. The one where Five lived was a little bit cleaner and tidier in the halls than the one where Viktor lived with Allison and leagues better than Klaus’.

The anxiety that he had been fighting with since early in the evening the day before had returned with a vengeance. It was sitting like a massive pit in his stomach, eating away at his insides until all he could feel was nausea. His hands were shaky as he stepped out of the elevator, forced to release the metal bar that had been there to help people stabilize during the jerky movements. His stomach clenched around the single mini-muffin that he had been able to shove into himself for breakfast. His lungs choked on the air that he was breathing and helped spread the anxiety around his body.

He was able to force himself forward so that he was slowly stalking down the hall. He didn’t know if the queasiness roiling in the back of his throat was because of the pregnancy or his anxiety, but he was ignoring it as best he could to focus instead on his mission.

He stopped in front of the door number that he had been given and rose his hand to knock. After he did, he closed his eyes and breathed a few times to calm himself down. The silence stretched on for thirty seconds before the door finally opened, and towards the end of his wait Viktor had begun to suspect that he had been tricked and that wasn’t actually Five’s dorm.

The door opened and Luther was standing in front of him, all at once. That had confirmed that he was at least at a place that could bring him to the man he really needed to talk to. He didn’t want to have to ask Luther for that kind of help again since it would almost definitely involve him explaining the pregnancy to another person before he did it to Five, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

“Uh, sorry, he’s inside. I’ll just step out and give the two of you some privacy,” he said awkwardly. He shuffled past Viktor and out into the hallway. It was odd to have someone with Luther’s bulk and height act like he was the ticking time bomb when Viktor struggled to push five feet tall and had always been awkwardly gangly.

“Thanks,” he gave an uncomfortable smile of his own. Once Luther had gotten fully out of the way, he inched past the slightly-closed door and into the dorm.

The apartment was just as nice on the inside as the block had been on the outside. There was a dining space and a small kitchen that actually had some counter space and a one-burner stovetop. The floor was hardwood, or at least a lookalike, and the walls were painted white with several classy paintings hung tastefully around the space. There were three doors on the wall opposite the kitchen space, one of which was open to reveal a neat little bathroom with chipper white tile along the walls and the floor. The other two doors were shut, though one of them opened to reveal the man that Viktor had spent the last week trying to chase down.

The violinist shut the door behind him so that they had some semblance of privacy while surrounded by strangers that probably had nothing better to do than listen in on their conversation, despite the hallways of the dorm block being mostly empty when Viktor was traveling through them.

“Hey,” he said awkwardly as he walked further into the apartment. He had his hands out in front of himself and was running the edge of his thumb nail over the callouses on the tips of his fingers to try and avoid the impulse to pull out the ultrasound in his pocket to play with that instead.

“Hello,” Five greeted rather tersely. He shut the door to his bedroom behind him and then walked over to the dining table in the center of the room. It was there where couches and chairs, or even bean bags and pillows on the ground, should have been. Viktor guessed that it was more conducive to the kind of studying that a future mathematician was going to have to do.

“I know that this is, uh, awkward and you probably don’t even remember who I am, but,” he paused for a second as he tried to find the right words. In his mind it sounded like was lying because he couldn’t even get through a single sentence without tripping over himself like some kind of child.

What was said next surprised him, to the point where his entire mind lost what he was trying to figure out how to say entirely. “I know who you are,” Five smiled. It looked a little awkward on his face, like he was somehow inherently more suited to scowling, but he was so handsome that Viktor almost swooned on the spot.

“You do?” he felt his face beginning to flush.

“Of course I do,” he nodded. “But I shouldn’t have interrupted you, go on.”

They were sitting down at the dining table at that point, across from each other like what was happening was some sort of strange business transaction instead of the most life-changing news Viktor was ever going to have to tell someone. It felt like a bigger deal than when he had told his mother he was trans.

“So, we met up at a party a while ago. Um, I don’t usually go to parties so I don’t have anything to define it by but we… slept together,” Viktor explained awkwardly. He reached into the pocket of his jacket and then pulled out the ultrasound as he set it down on the table, “I’m pregnant.”

Five was silent as he reached over and picked up the singular piece of paper. He held it to his face, his brow furrowing together and his already surly eyes becoming even more intense as he scrutinized the mess of black and white blobs for something Viktor couldn’t even name.

“I see,” he replied as he sat the photo back down on the table at the half way point between them. All of the joy that he had carried upon seeing Viktor was gone, hidden behind emotions that the violinist couldn’t even dream of reading.

He took the ultrasound back and then began on a nervous spiel that had been trying to force its way out of his mouth the entire time that he was watching Five study their unborn child. “I don’t expect you to be involved at all. I wanted to let you know because you deserve to have a say if you want one, but technically part of that say is deciding that you don’t. I’m not going to get an abortion since this is my body and I get to decide what medical procedures I do and do not want done. But I also thought that you deserved to know that you had a kid running around somewhere in the world even if you don’t want anything to do with us. Which I’m not saying that you will want, because I wouldn’t really want that if I had the kind of career ideas that people say you do. Um, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wanted you to know that our genetics are going to be running around as a kid but I’m not expecting even child support, so, uh, yeah.”

After he finished speaking, Five sat there for a moment while blinking. His face was still a unreadable mask and his eyes were still storming with thoughts. Viktor wondered, just for a moment, if that was what he always looked like when he was thinking or if it was unique to their situation because of the bomb that Viktor had just dropped on him.

“And you’re sure that the baby is mine?” Five asked, something akin to hope glimmering in the back of his tone.

“I don’t get out that much,” Viktor nodded. “The party thing was a fluke and I made a bunch of decisions I probably should have been more cautious about. So not only does the timing add up, it’s kind of impossible to get pregnant from a guy you slept with six months ago.”

“Right,” Five nodded. He sat back in his chair and then ran his hand through his hair, displacing the locks so that they hung messily down around his forehead.

He shook his head and then looked back up at Viktor, his eyes cleared but his face still contorted with stress. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate anything about you. I just didn’t realize that this was a thing that could happen to me.”

“I didn’t think that it was something that could happen to me either, I’m usually really careful. But it did,” he shrugged awkwardly.

“I’m not upset about this, by the way. I don’t blame you and I don’t think you’re trying to trap me. I’m willing to help you in any way that you see fit,” Five said. “I can pay you child support, co-parent, have limited custody. Whatever works best for you.”

Viktor fidgeted as he tried to get the words out in a coherent way, despite the jumble of thoughts rushing through his mind. He was still in love with Five the same way that he had been when he was a dumb teenager spotting him across the hall during their orientation. His heart still fluttered at the thought of being near him again and his stomach still flipped at the proximity from even across the table. He was having a baby with someone that he was head over heels in love with, the kind of love that made his heart ache in his chest and his skin feel red hot, but not in the way that he had hoped.

“I want you to be involved in their life, like actually involved. My dad was really absent and it fucked me up. So if you’re going to do this then you really need to do this. You can’t decide that you don’t want to halfway through and then give them abandonment issues,” Viktor said seriously. It was hard to toss away the puppy dog feelings bubbling up in his chest but he had to worry about his child over his own feelings and emotions.

Five barked out a laugh and then looked embarrassed. “I apologize, I wasn’t laughing at you. Child abandonment isn’t something that my mothers would ever allow me to do. Even if I didn’t want to be a parent, which I do, there would be a chance that they would force me into some level of it anyway. Just to make sure that you and the baby would be supported, of course. They respect my bodily autonomy and choices with my life.”

“Okay,” Viktor nodded, feeling suddenly very overwhelmed with the whole ordeal. “So we can talk more about what we want co-parenting to look like in the future, we’ve got another two trimesters to get to before we’re there. And I need a nap.”

“Would you like me to walk you back to your dorm?”

“No, thank you,” he flushed. The idea of being led back to his home was something that he had dreamed about on that fateful night of conception, but this would be a lot different than that. For one, it was the middle of the day. He was also already pregnant with Five’s child and the two of them probably weren’t going to be having any chemistry because of that. “My best friend is waiting outside because he didn’t trust me to not just turn and run. I’ll let you know when the next appointment is if you’d like to join me for that, though.”

“I would love to. And I would also like to request a copy of the ultrasound if at all possible,” Five smiled warmly. It made Viktor’s insides feel gooey and like he was going to melt on the spot.

“I can do that,” Viktor nodded confidently. “I’ll see you later, then.”

“Right, yeah,” he sprang up from the table while nodding. He walked over to the door and then opened it for Viktor, which resulted in them having another awkward set of goodbyes at the front of the dormroom where neither of them were sure what level of a relationship they were on with each other.

Finally, Viktor was back down on the ground floor and texted Klaus to come and get him so they could walk home. He refused to give any details other than the fact that it went well, but forced his best friend to cuddle with him while he napped off the stresses of the day and night before.

#fanfiction #fanfic #writing #ao3 #archive of our own #tua #the umbrella academy #fiktor #five x viktor #viktor x five #viktor hargreeves #five hargreeves #luther hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #raymond chestnut #allison hargreeves #three to start series #one hell of a beginning fic

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keyofshadows · 1 year ago

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So I was in the hospital for three weeks in May with severe fungal pneumonia. I needed to have a bronchoscopy and they found my right lung completely blocked with phlegm. No breath sounds. Super fun, let me tell you.

I actually ended up telling my nurses and the charge nurse that I was autistic when they wanted to move me to a louder, busier floor. Thankfully they let me keep my quiet room on the quiet floor.

While I was in the hospital I got a call from my brother (who I live with), checking up on me and letting me know that he was super pissed about the state my room was in (papers, stuffed toys everywhere, unmade bed, clothes folded in a corner because I have no dresser, which he's responsible for). He told me that he and my sister-in-law were going to clean it for me. I told him not to touch anything, my therapist was helping me with it and we were making progress. He said they were starting next weekend whether I was there or not. Of course I wasn't there in time because I developed a secondary infection and needed to stay longer.

After I was released from the hospital, I found most of my bedroom in the living room. Bags of clothes, bags of stuffed animals, blankets, pillows, medical papers, my stories, almost everything. Despite me being exhausted and just wanting to nap, my brother gave me a bunch of my papers to sort through. Then he dragged in bags of stuffed animals. The rule! He'd dump out a bag, I could pick one toy. Each bag held about eight. I had around thirty stuffed animals. These were all important to me. They all had names, some I'd had since childhood, all were great for my anxiety and doctor appointments. It was really really difficult, and I lost my words and could only point. Some choices I made, he wanted to know why instead of just setting them aside. I made myself talk because the thought of losing them because I couldn't speak was intolerable. He gave me a couple extra here and there and then accused me of trying to manipulate him.

After the stuffed animals we went through my baby dolls which is a whole other level of trauma. I still have some of them, thankfully. I'm working with my therapist regarding this because I'm so incredibly angry and depressed about it. I'm an adult and he has no right to my stuff even if he does pay the majority of the rent, but I get SSI and can't afford to move out. I'm here as long as they'll have me.

All my stuffed animals are in a scented garbage bag in my closet (brother and sister-in-law know I have asthma in addition to pneumonia recovery, but nah, why not).

Other annoying and frustrating bullshit relating to this:

- I'm not allowed to close my door anymore unless I need to change. I thought it was because he was worried I would pile junk up again. Nope. It's because "you don't deserve privacy". Wow, flashback to my actual childhood. At least he hadn't taken the door off the hinges like my loser father did. Anyway, brother dearest wanted me to keep it all the way open minus changing, and I had a panic attack because I hate being stared at/NEED PRIVACY GODDAMIT and he just blew it off. I begged all day and finally got the okay to keep my door closed halfway. I'm still completely screwed when perfume/smoke/garlic wafts in, but whatever. Better than nothing I guess.

Things I lost:

About 15 books out of roughly 170. I got lucky here, he wanted to cut my books way down. Yes, they were all already in bookcases.

35 stuffed animals. This includes my bulbasaur, eevee, umbreon, and beanie baby collection (new, not vintage) that he 'accidentally' threw out before he let me look at them.

My Monster High dolls, because they're against his religion? I guess? He just grabbed them and told me, "You know why these are going" and threw them in the trash.

Five or six of my Funko pops. I actually only have a few displayed now because I hid the rest.

My three extra backpacks, which used to come in handy for clinic/hospital shit, but oops, not anymore.

MY WHOLE ASS SQUISHMALLOW COLLECTION, WHICH WAS MAYBE FIVE, HE JUST THREW THEM THE FUCK AWAY.

ALSO WORTHY OF SCREAMING: THE LOSS OF THREE OF MY BABY DOLLS.

ALSO ALSO FUCKING STITCH

Stuff I still have:

Lots of books, thank God.

My six American Girl dolls and one bitty baby.

All of my current barbies and some of my vintage.

My Polly Pocket collection (new, not vintage)

My Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy figures

My L.O.L. dolls, but only because they were in my backpack.

The rest of my Funkos

My dvds

Gundam model kits

15 stuffed animals/childhood cabbage patch doll/rainbow brite

Bumbly is at the bottom of the godforsaken scented trash bag (I think. I hope so. I need to look when my lungs get back to baseline), but he's gonna need to be washed anyway. So as some form of rebellion, I bought another Bumbly bear. Her name's Elora.

#teddy bears #autism #anxiety #sensory overload #actually autistic #depression #rant #tw: some form of abuse

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meditating-dog-lover · 4 months ago

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Cleaning - my skin is happy

So I have a 4 day weekend, which is great because work can be exhausting. However I know my skin was going to get irritated because my house is cluttered.

I know allergens and irritants do trigger my skin. I know eczema is an inflammatory condition. So are painful menstrual cramps, which I used to struggle a lot with. Now since I started taking vitamin D and fish oil for inflammation, my cramps are much more tolerable, to the point where I feel fatigued and sleepy and some pain (I don't feel like the women running around in white pants in the commercials) but it's much better than how I felt in the past, where I would stay home from work/classes laying in bed crying. I know that if I reduced my inflammation, there is something that causes eczema and not period cramps that I haven't addressed it. And of course, allergens and irritants are definitely a trigger.

My diet has been good and I'm eating anti-inflammatory foods and I'm drinking a lot of matcha tea. I'm taking vitamin D and omega-3 fatty acids for anti-inflammatory nutrients, and spirulina (I've gotten used to the taste). I'm not eating a lot of sugar and junk. I know diet is a huge component when it comes to inflammation, but it's not 100%. Though it's definitely a huge important factor which is more important than others. In fact I might even cancel my appointment and speak to my aunt about this.

But there is most certainly an allergen component, because my skin clears up at work where there is good ventilation. My face was so red yesterday and I took an allegra pill and applied some benadryl gel to my hands, face, and neck. My mom, who also deals with bad allergies and had severe eczema when she was my age, told me that would help. This morning I woke up and spent the entire day cleaning my room. Removing a ton of clutter and stuff I do not need. Sometimes it goes way beyond just vacuuming, dusting, and running an air filter. It needs hours of decluttering. I'm so satisfied and relieved. I got rid of so much stuff I do not need. My skin feels better already. I feel like I can breathe in my room.

On top of my anti-inflammatory diet and supplementation, my next step is to declutter my house and just organize and being up to date with cleaning. This will help so much. My skin is less angry at me. So diet and decluttering are 2 main goals I want to develop for now.

Other sources of irritation are gut inflammation and toxin exposure, which is why I take the spirulina. Taking that doesn't require as much effort as cooking and buying anti-inflammatory foods and deep cleaning my house. But it is worth scheduling an appointment with my doctor to discuss all this. And how I can guarantee a healthy gut and toxin removal. Again it's as simple as finding a supplement and taking it regularly. It's not something that requires active maintenance like an anti-inflammatory diet and decluttering. Nor do I think they are as important. But it's worth asking about both.

The next step would be to do autism testing. It's quite hard to book an appointment, unfortunately. Not many offices near me offer it. But I know it will work out.

Final steps would be to consistently workout and go to a dentist with my mom.

So overall the main goals would be to stick to my anti-inflammatory diet and to declutter and clean my house regularily. Then we'll see where the next step takes me. I don't want spend a lot of time, energy, and money on seeing doctors and my mom and sister have been more helpful in many ways than doctors have been. Such as recommending an anti-inflammatory diet and how to effectively clean and manage allergies. My dad told me about intermittent fasting and may aunt about spirulina. Sometimes our loved ones know best.

It can also help to switch to less irritating cleaning and skin/hair products like soaps, cleansers, shampoos, body washes, deodorants, laundry detergents, and dish soaps. Even maybe a shower water filter attachment. This is another goal to look into and I'm not really good and finding alternatives. I'll see.

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subpar-ghoulfriend · 3 years ago

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Let’s have a baby

yandere!EraserMicx PREGNANT!Reader

A terrible mix up leading to an accidental pregnancy? Or something more intentional? Either way now you were pregnant with (none other than the beloved power couple heroes) Eraserhead and Present Mic’s child. Time to discuss how co parenting is going to work.

TW: pregnancy, artificial insemination, yandere elements, mentions of stalking, alludes to potential custody battle

You had been avoiding the two men for the past week, which was challenging seeing as they managed to find your phone number, address, and place of work. Any time you blocked their calls they got a new number. Two Pro Heroes versus a twenty something civilian, it was only a matter of time until you were cornered.

Now the couple stood between you and your apartment. You had a long shift at your job as a pet groomer and just wanted to get some rest.

Present Mic was the first to speak. "Hey lil momma, we heard you had work today so we brought you some dinner. We thought we could talk over a nice meal."

You had no response. You were tired, both physically and emotionally. You had been put through the ringer ever since meeting them at your doctors office. It was a total Jane the Virgin situation. You went in for an assessment about some supposed ovarian cysts and unknowing left artificially inseminated. There was a supposed mix up, a digital glitch that somehow merged your chart with the surrogates - apparently your names were super similar. Two weeks later you were called back into the doctor's office and informed of what took place. And now you were in this living nightmare.

And the two heroes had nothing to do with the error. There was totally a surrogate. They hadn't paid off your provider. And why would they? You had never met them - although given their patrols they may have seen you once or twice...

They were tearful when they were informed of the mix up, they had been waiting patiently through the whole process and now everything was thrown in chaos. They offered to compensate you for your service which sent you into a blind rage. They just assumed you would carry a child, a child with half of your DNA, and then give YOUR baby away. Rationally you understood that they had planned to be be the only parents to the child, but that was with a professional surrogate who understood the process, who didn't want the child in their life, just happy to help out a loving couple. But that wasn't you, you grew up wanting to be a mom, and now they would take that from you.

What if they tried to legally take sole custody of the baby? Surely they had some pull in the judicial system. Besides, they were a solid couple with money, while you were alone with no family and working two jobs. The thought made you sick to your stomach.

You were shaking as you tried to push past them. Maybe they would just disappear if you ignored them, a girl could dream. But instead they tagged along inside. Albeit you weren’t fighting them on it, you knew this had to happen eventually.

Aizawa easily found the cluttered dining table in your small apartment. You flinched when the loud one tried to help you shrug off your backpack. Taking a seat on the couch you waited for them to start berating you.

"Come sit at the table, dinner is getting cold," Eraser spoke for the first time.

"I'll eat later, I'm not hungry."

"You may not be, but the baby needs to eat."

You glared, how dare they insinuate you didn't know what your child needed. If your body was hungry, you ate. If you were full the baby was full too.

But, you complied, not wanting to argue, "Fine, but I ate a snack not too long ago."

As you ate, Mic kept you company, picking at some left overs, they clearly ate before their visit. Aizawa was rummaging through your place but you managed to hold your tongue until he began throwing things out of your fridge.

"What are you doing?" You hissed, getting up out of your seat.

"Mic and I will bring you groceries tomorrow. The food you have is barely safe for an adult, let alone a fetus."

"Are you kidding me? It's not like I'm chugging alcohol and living off Twinkies. Hey! I just bought those turkey slices. How is turkey bad?" You whined.

To make sure you wouldn't dig the food out trash he dumped it out of his container.

"Zashi, don't let me forget to empty the trash on our way out. Do you know how much salt is in deli meat? And there's no way you can drink any of this while you're pregnant." He gestures to the cans of soda.

As the frustration built you had to fight back tears. They couldn't come in to your home and start throwing out your things.

"Some of us don't make ridiculous money, I'm buying what I can afford and the doctor never had any problem with my health." You hissed.

Hizashi felt the tension thickening, "Hey hey hey, it's okay. Sho and I will go get you some good stuff. We just gotta watch out for you and baby."

And that was the end of your resolve, you stomped past the Hero and locked yourself in your bedroom. Finally tears began to drip down your cheeks.

Back in your kitchen Mic was chiding his boyfriend for being so tough on you.

"So I should just back down while she stuffs herself with junk food?"

Mic gave him a shrug, showing him a bottle on your counter, "At lest she's taking her prenatal vitamins?"

Grabbing the keys to your apartment Aizawa instructed Mic to wait with you while he got you better groceries. He would make copies of your keys on his was back.

You prayed they would leave soon. You were laying in your bed having cried yourself out. Barely into your second month of pregnancy. You still had to endure this for at least seven more months, but most likely much longer.

Next thing you knew you were opening your eyes and the clock read seven AM. By now your uninvited guests must be gone. Nervously you sat up, praying that you'd skip the morning sickness just once this week. You had always had a weak stomach and even the doctor was surprised you were already experiencing the symptom. Unfortunately the minute your feet touched the floor you knew what was coming. You sprinted to the restroom, not even checking to see if the duo had left.

God this was terrible, you didn't just hate throwing up, you were terrified of it. What if you started and never stopped? But it did come to an end. You wiped the water from your eyes and took a moment before standing from the floor. You screamed when a hand slid under your arm, helping you up. Another set of feet rushed to the bathroom.

" What's wrong?" Hizashi huffed as he skid to a stop.

You pulled arm free from Aizawa's grasp. "What are you two still doing here?"

You turned in the faucet to rinse your mouth. Trying to calm your stress, the nausea was trying to return.

Undeterred the scruff pulled your hair into a bun before rubbing your back. You debated returning to bed but that wouldn't get them out of your apartment. You told them you need to sit down, both of them nodding, still wearing their concerned expressions. They got you a glass of water before joining you on the couch. Stubborn men, you sat at the end of the couch so they couldn't both sit, but Mic decided to perch himself on the armrest.

He started petting your hair, "You feelin better little listener?" You nodded in response.

"I got you more food, let us know if your hungry."

You sighed in defeat, "I'm barely two months pregnant, I can fend for myself. What did you all want to talk about?"

You anxiously placed a hand on your stomach. Both men felt their hearts flutter recognizing your maternal instincts kicking in.

Aizawa let Mic begin, he was the more gentle of the two.

"Well, we figured we got off to a rough start. You got put in a tough situation. We shouldn't have assumed you didn't want a child so we're not mad at how you stormed out. But either way we expect to be in our baby's life. The two of us talked it over and we don't want to fight you if you want to be in their life too. So if you wanna be the mommy we're cool with it."

You could blame your reaction on your hormones for your response but you didn't, "Geez thank you so much for allowing me to be in MY child's life."

Aizawa placed a hand on the back of your neck, giving you a gentle massage. "Okay then, the three of us are gonna have a baby. That means you have to stop ignoring us. We can raise the baby together, without involving anyone else. But if we have to, we can always go the legal route for the baby's best interest."

He knew it was a low blow, but the couple needed you to stop fighting them. Your eyes snapped to his and you shook your head in protest.

"Okay then we're all the same page," Aizawa reassured you.

Mic cheered, "Now we can focus on the fun stuff."

"Hun," Eraserhead caught his attention. "There's still a few more important things to figure out. We don't want you going back to that doctor. They're incompetent. We scheduled you an appointment with another's clinic for next week. Okay?"

You couldn't find your voice after how easily he threatened to take your baby. So you just nodded. Half listening.

"Good. We also went ahead and programmed our numbers into your phone. We need to be able to check in with you."

"Okay, but I can't use my phone at one of my jobs."

"About that lil momma," Mic started. "You work a lot, which is totally bad ass, but we don't think you leave enough time to rest and take care of yourself."

You tried to protest but Aizawa cut you off, "You also shouldn't be working around so many animals. Even though we love animals, they can be unpredictable and one dog can trigger all the rest into a frenzy."

You were dumbfounded, "I've never heard of anything like that happening. One of my coworkers was pregnant last year, she worked until her maternity leave. Plus I need to be able to pay my bills. And don't offer to compensate me again."

"Why do you have to view it as compensation? We just want to take care of the mother of our child. Just think about it. Mic and I have to go take care of some business but we'll be back later this week."

---

Back at their home Hizashi was dramatically splayed on their bed.

"Babe why are you pouting?" Aizawa asked.

"Why can't we just bring her home already?"

Aizawa sympathized with his better half, but they needed to be methodical. He reminded Hizashi that they didn't need to cause her even more stress, especially so early into the pregnancy. If they played their cards right they would have their happy little family soon enough.

If they could ease you in to the relationship everything would be easier in the long run. They had been managing just fine until now, they could wait a few more months.

He joined Hizashi on the couch. Mic was comforting himself the way he usually did when he felt like this. He was scrolling through the countless photos they had collected since their chance encounter with you over a year ago.

#bnha yandere #yandere erasermic #yandere x reader #yandere present mic #yandere aizawa

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helliontherapscallion · 4 years ago

Text

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Tuesday

Monday Wednesday Thursday (Part 1) Thursday (Part 2) Friday Saturday Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: anxiety, doctor’s offices, taking pain pills (not sure if I need to tag that, but just in case), stalkers, blackmail, swearing, non-consensual taking pics of nudes, slight body dysmorphia, self-loathing, toxic friends

Word count: 5,326

(A/N): another long chapter, my little wlw heart loved writing this chapter! Also holy shit I was not expecting the first part to blow up, thank you to everyone that read it! Gosh, it’s enough to make a grown woman cry :’)

You cracked open your crusty eyes to Wilbur poking his head into your room. “(Y/n), Dad wants you.”

You groaned rubbing at your eyes in an attempt to get the sleep out of them. “I’ll be down in a sec.” Your voice was scratchy and thick with sleep.

He closed the door silently and you heard his socked feet thumping down the hallway. Your pain faded slightly into soreness, but your shoulders and upper back were slightly stiff. After you drug yourself out of bed, you shambled down the stairs to see your family at the table eating breakfast. Your stomach growled loudly, making you blush slightly in embarrassment.

Your eldest brother snorted. “Hungry (y/n)?”

You slumped into your seat next to him slowly shoveling food into your mouth. “You have no idea.”

“You wouldn’t be that hungry if you ate dinner when you got home like I told you to do last night, young lady. You better eat every single thing on that plate.”

There was no arguing with a stern Dadza, so you reluctantly complied. Meanwhile, Tommy and Tubbo were telling Wilbur about your match animatedly.

“And the ball was like fwoosh and she- the ball and-and-”

“And she hit it and Haley hit it to the other side! It was so cool!”

Wilbur merely smiled listening to them ramble about how badass you were last night. They made you feel genuinely happy that they admired your volleyball abilities; they were probably your biggest fans and that made your day most of the time. You remembered the first match they came to during your freshman year, they had run up to you right after the end-of-match whistle blew to spew about how good you were on the court. They met the team that day. Your team adored having them at your games, over the years they slowly replaced your school’s mascot. They played a huge part in morale boosts before and during matches.

He looked over to you, “I didn’t know my little sister could be so badass.”

You felt your cheeks flare up. “It’s nothing I haven’t done before. It really wasn’t anything special.”

“(Y/n),” Philza pursed his lips, “you did all that with a bruised back, I’d consider that something special.”

“Wait (y/n), you’re hurt?” Tommy and Tubbo looked at you with wide concerned eyes.

“Yeah, but it’s not that bad. I can still move and stuff.”

Techno rolled his eyes, “it’s bad if you’re going to the doctor for it.”

“Eh, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it did yesterday, so I’m not worried.”

“You’re deadass wincing everytime you move your arm,” WIlbur deadpanned, “it clearly still hurts.”

“Well yeah, I didn’t say the pain went away completely. Fuckin’ dumbass.”

“Language,” Philza glared at you two, gesturing to the two fifth graders watching the exchange with interest.

You and Wilbur resumed eating and murmured out a defeated “sorry Dad.” You both glared at Techno when he huffed in amusement.

“If you three keep bickering, you’re going to be late to school. Remember, you two have to drop off Tommy and Tubbo today cuz I’m taking your sister to her appointment. Now go get ready, I’ll take care of your dishes.”

Your brothers took off up the stairs, each competing to get to the bathroom first. Occasionally, you would hear shouts and slapping noises. You felt glad you didn’t have to deal with that today. Judging by Techno’s gruff voice laughing and an explosion of loud complaints from the rest, you assumed that he won today. “I swear, they’re gonna put me in an early grave.”

“You and me both Dad, you and me both.”

You went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of pain pills from the junk drawer. Various bottles of Motrin and Advil were scattered around the house because when you live with a rambunctious family like this one, people are bound to get hurt and headaches are common. Popping three into your mouth, you washed it down with a glass of water. The sound of the running water faucet and the slight splashing of water filled the silence of the room.

“How’s your back? Does it feel any better?”

“Kinda, today it just feels more sore than throbbing, my headache went away mostly, and my shoulder doesn’t feel any worse, so that’s better I guess.”

He shut off the water and reached for a towel to dry off his wet hands. He moved over to the freezer and grabbed a frozen package of peas that your family never ate. You all used it whenever one of you would get a bruise. He moved behind you and held it against your back without warning. Flinching forward from the unexpected temperature change, you winced with the wave of pain moving brought you.

“Shit, sorry.”

“You’re good. Just give me a little warning next time,” you chuckled. He gently placed it back on your back and you sighed from the slight relief that it brought you. You leaned into the peas and closed your eyes. “That feels amazing.”

“I bet. That bruise was pretty bad yesterday, can I look at it again?”

You reluctantly left the sanctuary that was the medical grade frozen peas and leaned forward, moving your hair out of the way for him. “Knock yourself out.”

He made a hissing noise as soon as he moved your shirt out of the way. “Dad, it probably looks worse than it feels.”

“...Have you seriously not looked at this yet? It looks pretty bad, hun.”

“Well, sorry I can’t move to look at my back without being in pain. I’ll try harder next time.” You snarked him.

“Hey, watch the attitude. Here, I’ll take a picture so you can see how bad it is.”

You heard the rustling of fabric as he fished his phone out of his pocket and the obnoxiously loud click of his camera app. You turned around to look at the damage. You squinted at his bright phone screen. Your entire back was swollen in some areas and was covered in ugly reds, blues, blacks, and purples. You made a disgusted noise in the back of your throat and cringed away from the screen. You always got nauseous seeing injuries.

“Yikes.”

“Yikes isn’t the only word I would use, it’s bad (y/n).”

“It looks worse than it feels, I promise. I’m gonna go get ready so we’re not late to my appointment. It sounds like the boys are finally done with the bathroom.”

You hobbled up the stairs slowly and made your way to the bathroom. The door was wide open ready for you to use. Turning on the light, you closed the door in a hurry so that your brothers wouldn’t try to get in again to hog the bathroom like they usually did. You frowned at your appearance. Your hair was sticking up in every direction and you had dark eye bags around your dull looking eyes. A few pimples dotted your skin like constellations in the night sky, but much uglier and more out of place. Turning your body, you scanned your figure. Your eyes watered as you realized that you had gained some weight. Adrian, Sammy, and Annie were right, you looked like garbage all the time.

You ripped your eyes away from yourself in the mirror with disgust etched deep into your features. You were disgusting through and through. Ripping your brush through your hair, you winced at the pain emanating from the back of your head. You deserve the pain for letting yourself go. Once you were slightly more satisfied with your appearance, you stepped out of the bathroom and quickly changed into the clothes you would wear today. You decided on a hoodie and a pair of tights. You didn’t feel like dressing yourself up.

You once again walked down the stairs and slipped on your shoes to meet your dad in his car. You idly scrolled through your phone while you waited for him, looking at your notifications for the first time that day. You had ten texts from the group chat that you were in with Adrian, Annie, and Sammy.

Sammy <3

(Y/n) where the hell are you?

Adrian <3

Do you guys think she ditched us?

I knew she was ignoring us

Sammy <3

Who ignores their friends?

Annie <3

(Y/n) apparently.

She has more important things to do ig

Oh my god

Do you guys think she skipped school?

Adrian <3

I wouldn’t put it past her

Maybe she finally gave up

(Y/n)

I’m sorry guys, I just have a doctor’s appointment today

I would never ignore you

Sammy <3

Yk, it’s hard to keep defending you when you keep ditching us..

(Y/n)

I’m not ditching you!

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys about my appointment

I’ll make it up to you guys

Adrian <3

How?

You’ve already skipped out on us enough already

Annie <3

Oh ik!

She can write our final research paper for us Dri!

I haven’t started it yet lmao

Adrian <3

Saaaame lmaoooo

Sammy <3

Guys, what about me???

Adrian <3

Idk, figure it out yourself

Sammy <3

Rude!

Uhhh

Ur gonna put together my final presentation for us history

(Y/n)

Alright, I can do that for you guys

Sam can you pls send me the rubric?

Annie <3

Thanks love ;)

(Y/n)

No problem, I like doing things for friends

My dad’s coming, I gotta go

Talk to you guys later

Adrian <3

Byeeee (y/n), ur the best!

(Y/n)

: ) <3

You put your phone down as your dad started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. The drive was quiet as you stared out the window and thought about how much work you now had to do. On top of your own classes, you had two more to write and a presentation to make in a class you hadn’t taken since the first semester in your sophomore year. The research papers had to be at least four full pages long with a minimum of ten sources each due on Friday and you had no idea how big Sammy’s US history presentation has to be or what it’s even about. But that was fine, you’d do anything for your friends.

“So, who were you texting? Your boyfriend?” He asked jokingly.

“Oh, just Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. I don’t have a boyfriend Dad,” because you were a closeted lesbian, but you wouldn’t tell him that anytime soon. “You know that.”

“I know,” he chuckled, “it’s been a while since I’ve seen them. How have they been?”

“They’re good. Adrian got a job at the diner, he’s a host. Sammy and Annie have been focusing more on raising their grades.”

“Good for them! You should invite them over for dinner sometime.”

“I was actually thinking that I could maybe go hang out with them on Halloween...?”

“(Y/n), the family was going to take Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating.”

“I know, but there’s always next year. Plus, we haven’t been able to hang out in so long! We’re always free at different times.”

“I don’t know (y/n), what if they don’t want to trick-or-treat next year? What were you planning on doing with them?”

“We were just gonna hang out at Annie’s house and watch some horror movies,” you lied. He would never let you go if he knew you were going to a party. Especially one where alcohol would be involved and hormonal teenage boys ran rampant actively scouting for an easy lay.

“...I’ll think about it.” The car pulled into the doctor office’s parking lot.

“Thank you Dad! It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out together.”

He chuckled as you both walked into the lobby, checked in, and waited for your name to be called. About ten minutes later, you were summoned by a nurse so you went into the back leaving your dad to wait in the lobby. The nurse recorded your height and weight (much to your dismay, you gained four pounds) and asked you the standard questions about your injury and uncomfortable questions about your overall health. The clacking of her acrylic nails on the plastic keyboard filled the awkward silence.

Once that was done, she left and you had to wait a little bit for the doctor. After slipping into the backless gown the nurse left, you mindlessly scrolled on your phone. Jumping when someone knocked on the door, you looked up to see your family’s doctor smiling at you.

“Hello (y/n), how are we feeling today?”

“I’m alright.”

“I hear that you had quite the fall onto some concrete, is that true?”

“Yes, I landed on my back and the back of my head.”

She reached over and squirted hand sanitizer onto her hands, rubbing it in and looking back at you. “Can you please lay on your stomach so I can take a look at your back?”

You nodded, shifting on the uncomfortable paper covered cushioned table onto your stomach. You felt her cold hands gently graze your bruises before she pulled out her stethoscope. “Can you take a good deep breath in for me?”

You complied and she instructed you to let it out. Doing this multiple times along your back, she put her stethoscope away and continued prodding at your exposed back.

“There’s definitely some swelling in multiple areas… It doesn’t feel or sound like you cracked or broke any ribs, which is excellent… Do you have any pain deep in your shoulder when you move it?”

“Yes, I landed on it wrong last night at my volleyball match.”

“How would you describe your pain? Stabbing, sore, throbbing…”

“More sore, but a little stabbing pain when I move my arm.”

She moved her fingers to examine your shoulder. “It doesn’t sound like a sprain or fracture, can you move it up and down for me?”

You moved your arm up and down, front and back, and side to side. “You still have a full range of movement, that’s good. Can I have you sit back up again?”

You sat back up and she started testing you for a concussion. After passing her tests, you were cleared of having a concussion. “Alright (y/n), it appears that you only strained your deltoid and teres muscles and you have severe bruising along your back. Make sure you ice your back and, if you have one, wear a shoulder compression sleeve. Anti-inflammatory medications such as Ibuprofen will help with the swelling. Other than that, you have a clean bill of health! You can still participate in volleyball practices, but you need to take it easy. Don’t do anything that will strain the muscles any further.”

“Thank you Dr. Samson,” you smiled at her.

“You’re welcome. I’ll leave you to change back into your clothes and you’re free to go! You may leave the gown on the table.”

She left the room and you redressed yourself. Walking out to the lobby, Philza’s head perked up when he heard the door opening. He stood up and walked over to you with a slightly worried face. You both walked back out to the car.

“So?”

“Dr. Samson said that I don’t have a concussion, sprains or broken bones. She told me that I just strained my shoulder muscles and I need to keep ice on my back.”

He visibly slumped in relief. “Thank god. What’d she say about volleyball?”

“She said that I could keep playing, but I have to take it easy.”

“Good, wouldn’t want you missing finals on Thursday. Do you know if the team you’re playing is any good?”

“Dad, of course they’re good, we’re the top two teams in the area.”

“I bet their setter is nowhere near as good as you are and I bet the setter and spiker aren’t as synced as you and Haley are. You two make a good pair.”

“Yeah we do, don’t we?” You looked out the window and smiled a little and felt your ears turn red. The very mention of Haley’s name was enough to make you feel like you were on cloud nine. The car fell silent again as you neared your high school.

In your AP world history class, the class was looking at the test you had taken yesterday. Surprisingly, you got a 74% on the multiple choice part and a 50% on your essay portion, so that landed you with a just below passing grade. You thought you completely flunked that test yesterday, so that was a pleasant surprise. It took a good portion out of your overall grade in the class, lowering it from a comfortable A- to a slightly alarming B. You supposed it could’ve been a lot worse. Besides reviewing your tests, the class didn’t do much except starting the reading for the next chapter.

Your psychology online class went like it usually did, however your phone blew up with texts about midway through the block. Glancing down, you saw that it was Haley. Shouldn’t she be in class?

Hales : )

(Y/n) meet me in the locker room right after school

I need to talk to you before practice starts

It’s an emergency

(Y/n)

What’s going on?

Hales : )

I’ll explain after school.

Can’t talk about it over text

(Y/n)

Alright, see ya then ig

You felt your gut twinge. Something’s wrong, but you didn’t know what. You were worried about Haley, usually she was really bubbly. You’ve never seen the senior act so strange before. You could only wait the block out until the bell would release you from the confines of the library and into the locker room. After sending a quick text to your brothers that you were going to stay after school for your practice, you stared blankly at your laptop’s clock as you counted down the minutes left in the class period. Ten minutes. Eight minutes. Four minutes. Two minutes. Thirty seconds-

You shot up from your seat as the bell rang. Pushing past some groups of freshmen that congregated in the hallways, you made a beeline for the locker room. In the locker room, you found Haley sitting on the metal bench on the opposite end of the locker room with her back facing the last row of lockers and facing the brick wall. She was clenching her phone in her hand with an iron grip. You hurried to sit next to her.

“Hales, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

“It’s bad (y/n). Like, really bad.”

“What’s bad? You’re worrying me.”

Wordlessly, she unlocked her phone and handed it to you. On the screen was something that you weren’t expecting to see. You scrolled through the contents and felt your stomach drop with each scroll; someone took pictures of you and Haley throughout the match last night. Every picture was a violation to yours and Haley’s dignities, they had gotten zoomed in pictures of your boobs and asses. Deeper, there were even pictures taken of you changing into your volleyball uniform through your open window. You were only in your underwear. Haley had a similar picture that you scrolled past as fast as you could. Scrolling to the bottom of the text message thread, the person that sent Haley the pictures added a caption to the last picture. It was a picture of you and Haley together celebrating your match, her arm slung around your shoulder with your mouth open mid-laugh.

Unknown

I’m sending these out to the entire school unless you stop hanging around her.

If you tell anyone, the pics will be printed off and put in every single locker and bathroom the school has.

You’ll be the sluts of Klinkver High.

Cut all ties now. You have two days.

Do not try me.

“Jesus christ Haley. Who the fuck would do this? This is sick.”

She took her phone back and locked it without looking at the screen. “I don’t know (y/n). I wanted to tell you not to openly talk to me for a few days. We don’t know who took these, we don’t know what they’re capable of. I don’t wanna risk angering them.”

“We can find them! If we look close enough, we might find a few clues where they were sitting. Do you remember seeing anything suspicious last night?”

“(Y/n), our best option is to leave it. We just can’t talk in person anymore; we can still text each other.”

“Hales, how are we gonna not talk? I’m your setter.”

She ran a hand through her thick black hair. “I don’t know (y/n). Just-just don’t talk to me anymore, I don’t want your pictures leaked.”

“I don’t care about my pictures. My name’s been drug through so much shit this past year that it won’t affect me. I don’t want your stuff leaked.”

She gave a watery laugh, “you care too much, I love that about you…” Glistening eyes turned to look deep into your own. “I’m so scared (y/n), I don’t know what to do.”

You pulled her into a hug, wincing slightly when she squeezed her arms around your upper back. She buried her face into your shoulder and started shaking with muffled sobs. “Haley, I promise I’ll catch whatever sick bastard is doing this to you. You don’t deserve this.”

She said nothing as you rested your chin on the top of her head and started to rock her back and forth slowly. You two stayed like that even after her sobbing resided, finding comfort in each other’s presence. Glancing at the clock, you realized that you two have been in the locker room for an hour. Practice was set to start in fifteen minutes, people were going to start coming into the locker room soon.

You reluctantly pulled away from the hug and looked Haley in her bloodshot eyes, “I’m not going to let those pictures of you get leaked. I swear on my-”

The door to the locker room swung open and loud laughter echoed throughout the room. Haley pushed you away and speed walked off to a bathroom stall, slamming the door shut behind her.

“Damn (y/n), what’d you do? She’s pissed.”

“It’s none of your business, Zara.”

“Oh, so it’s a lover’s quarrel then~” She cackled, her hair bouncing slightly with each heave of her shoulders.

“For the love of… Haley and I aren’t dating, we’re both straight.” She’s straight.

“Mmhm.” She brushed past you to go to her locker. You followed her, your locker was in the grouping next to hers. You shared the area with Haley. You changed as fast as you could so that Haley would have time to change before practice starts. Speed walking into the gym, Zara was hot on your trail wearing a shit eating grin.

“Why are you in such a rush? Giving your girlfriend the silent treatment?”

“Zara. We aren’t dating. For the last time, we’re both heterosexual, not homosexual!” You wildly gestured with your hands to emphasize your point, your voice being amplified by the vast gym. Coach Williams gave you a confused look from across the gym.

“You just keep telling yourself that.”

“I’m serious.”

“Hi serious,” a soft voice replied from behind you, “I’m Jazzy.”

You groaned at the pun at the same time Zara started cackling, giving the short libero a high five. “Nice!”

“That was so bad, Jaz.” You couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto your face.

Zara poked your cheek with a wide grin. “C’mon, you’re smiling!”

“I am and I hate it.”

Your bickering continued with Jazzy watching you two with a content smile. The remaining members of the team (Haley, Marlene, and Zuri) filed into the gym right as Coach Williams blew her whistle.

Practice went by slowly without Haley talking to you. Sure, you had the rest of the team, but it didn’t feel the same with you guys ignoring each other. If the team or Coach Williams noticed you two not talking to each other, they didn’t say anything. By time practice was over, you all went to the locker room to change. After slipping into your fuzzy pajama pants, you sat on the bench and texted Wilbur to come pick you up. He was supposed to pick you up after practice today because he and Techno took the car home after school. Five minutes passed and he still didn’t reply. He probably won’t see the text until you got home from walking.

You sighed, resting your chin in your palm as you leaned forward. One by one, the girls left the locker room until it was only you and Haley left.

“Do you need a ride (y/n)?” She asked gently.

“But what if the person sees us together? I can just walk home, it’s not really a big deal.”

She rolled her eyes at you. “It is a big deal. It’s cold and dark out. You could get kidnapped or something. You don’t even have a coat with you. I’m giving you a ride whether you like it or not.”

You playfully rolled your eyes at her and stood up to walk next to her, “okay, mom.”

“Don’t give me that attitude young lady.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my real mom!”

She gasped and lightly smacked the back of your shoulder, “I married your- are you alright? Shit, I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, you’re good. It’s just this damned bruise.”

She moved her hands and frantically turned you around to pull the neck of your shirt down. You two stood in front of the school’s main entrance with the nauseatingly bright fluorescent light bouncing off the reflective surface of the tiles. The orange tinted street lights lit up the sidewalk outside.

“(Y/n)-”

“I know what you’re gonna say.”

She scoffed, “oh really? What am I gonna say then, o wise one?”

You turned around to face her, “‘oh, this is bad, yadda yadda yadda.’ Everyone’s been saying that about it. Honestly it looks worse than it feels. Tis but a scratch, m’lady.”

She snorted and covered her mouth, “never call me ‘m’lady’ ever again.”

You started to walk to her car in the empty parking lot. “Or what? What’re ya gonna do?”

“I swear to god, (y/n), I’m gonna leave you here.”

“Do it, pussy. Bet you won’t.”

“You really wanna bet?”

You grinned at her, “hell yeah.”

She broke off into a mad dash to her car, laughing freely into the night sky. You chased after her trying not to move your arms much, your laugh mixing with hers like a perfect symphony composed of the world’s best musicians. The sound of your rubber soles slapping the pavement resonated throughout the parking lot as you quickly gained on her. Reaching out to grab her shirt, she smirked at you and sharply turned to the right into the grass.

You grinned as her pace slowed down slightly. You’d be able to catch her at this pace. You pushed your legs to move faster as she looked at you from over her shoulder and shrieked in surprise at how close you were to her. You cackled at her reaction, reaching out once again, you grabbed her hand. She was stopped dead in her tracks as your shoulder was yanked with the sudden momentum, making you hiss in slight pain. Despite that, you didn’t let go of her soft hand.

You both stood there under the moonlight and the soft orange street lamps trying to catch your breath. The slightly damp blades of grass tickled your ankle as you shifted to face her better. Through gasping breaths and a dopey grin, you said “you… lost, pussy.”

She let out a breathy laugh as she pulled you to her car. “Shuddup.”

“Make me~”

She opened the passenger side door for you and got into the driver's seat. Her car smelled like vanilla and citrus. “Oh, you will later when I make you do more sets in weight lifting tomorrow, hurt shoulder be damned.”

She turned on the ignition and the car revved to life, soft indie pop wafted from the speakers. She backed out of the parking space and sped off to the main road. “You wouldn’t…”

“I’m your captain, (y/n). I can make you do whatever I want.” You felt your cheeks heat up a tad. You were happy that she couldn’t see you.

“Naw, you’re too much of a softie for that. Admit it, I’ve got you wrapped around my little finger.”

She chuckled as she pulled into your driveway and put the car in park. “...Alright, maybe you do. Just a bit.”

She turned to look at you. She looked stunning with the shadows accentuating the contours of her face perfectly. You found yourself glancing at her lips and leaning slightly towards you. To your surprise, she started leaning into you as well. Before your lips could finally mesh together, she pulled back with a sigh and ran her hand through her hair. You felt a rush of disappointment and fear course through your veins. She didn’t like you like that, you should’ve known better. You were so stupid. So, so stu-

“I can’t (y/n). I want to kiss you so bad, but we can’t. Not yet at least. Not until we find the pervert that took those pictures of us.”

You sighed, “right.”

The car was filled with awkward silence. Not even the soft music streaming from the speakers could alleviate the awkwardness. God, you really screwed up your friendship, didn’t you? Sammy, Adrian, and Annie were right; you messed up everything you touched.

You coughed, “I think I’m gonna…”

“Yeah…”

You grabbed your bag and walked into your house, the smell of chicken slapping you in the face instantly. Without checking in with your dad, you hurried up the stairs, desperate for the warm comfort of your bed. That, and if you wanted to get Sammy’s presentation and Adrian’s, Annie’s, and your research papers done by Friday, you had to start as soon as you could. You were going to skip dinner for tonight, you’d just grab more breakfast tomorrow morning.

You plopped on your bed and got started on your research paper. Luckily, you already had all of the sources you were planning on using and the rough outline of each body paragraph, so writing the actual paper wasn’t going to take long. You worked until you heard a knock at your door.

“(Y/n),” Techno’s monotone voice called out, “dinner’s ready.”

“Tell Dad I’m not hungry. Practice’s got me beat, I’m going to bed soon.”

He grunted, “you know he’s not gonna like that right?”

You felt frustration start to swim circles around your chest, “Techno, just tell him that I’m not hungry right now. Please.”

“Damn, you don’t need to be like that. I’ll tell him.”

You heard his stomping footsteps thumping down the hall. Shit, you pissed him off. You were a terrible person, he was just trying to get you to eat something, Pushing back the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes, you forced the panic that was starting to swirl around your body in laps deep into your being. You didn’t have time to deal with your failures and stupid emotions, you had to get this done. You didn’t have time to think about Haley’s warm breath ghosting across your lips. You didn’t have time to think about how she probably regretted almost kissing you. You didn’t have time to fall into an anxiety spiral, you needed to focus if you wanted Adrian, Annie, and Sammy to forgive you. You ruined yours and Haley’s friendship and did the same to yours and Techno’s. They were the only ones you had left. You needed to be a better friend.

Taglist (comment if you want to be added or if I missed you, it won’t let me tag some tumblrs :((( ):

@immadatmostthings @thaticecreambish @hee-hee-haw @dearnataliealoveletter @wasteofspacze @dcml04 @bbigbbrainn @dirtydiavolo @vanhakirja @rinzyx05 @misselsbells06 @ialexabsuniverse @im-a-depressed-gay @energy-drinkk @mothra-main @i-need-hugs @dragons-lurk-here @katj733 @m4r-s @vievi @dykeragee @waterstrawberry @aplaintart @kakamiissad @myunfinishedsymphony @nagitokinnieissad @autumnpleaves @justanothergirlwithdemons @zachariethememerie @moon-asia @m0on-blue @strawberrysodababy @akikko-yataro @haikkeiji @shiningsunrises @cinnamonmochi @queen-turtle-boiii @imanewsoul @sparkling-gayyyy @angelicaschuyler-church @vixenfoxpup @ella-ivanov @shio-yuki @mosstea-png @ijustshatbricks

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zoradementio · 3 years ago

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Deltarune Theories and Observations Part 2

Since it’s been like three weeks and this game still hasn’t left my god damn brain, here’s some more things that I felt like noting or theorizing.

~Parallels of Noelle and Kris~

So, I ended my last Deltarune longpost with a comparison between Kris and Susie. But, interestingly enough, Kris and Noelle also have a lot of similarities. Both of them have an older sibling figure who was a very prominent crutch in their lives (Asriel for Kris, Dess for Noelle). Yet, in present times, this elder sibling is not present (though Dess’ is a bit more permanent, whether she died or went missing.) And compared to these older siblings, Kris and Noelle are the more introverted sibling, with Kris barely having a social life until the start of the game and Noelle being the biggest pushover since a card tower. Then, there’s their parental dynamics. Asgore and Rudy are both the carefree, laidback father figures, with Asgore immediately throwing Kris in a bear hug when seeing them and Rudy encouraging Noelle to ask Susie out and playing Dragon Blazers with her. This contrasts with the more proper, if strict mother figures. While Noelle’s mother is certainly the more egregious, if the fact that Noelle would rather stand outside her home’s gates likely for hours on end than to attempt to ‘bother’ her mother during work for a house key, there are a few signs of Toriel being a little strict in some areas. Apart from some dialogue from Bratty about her kissing Asriel and anything involving the big school dance being signs that Toriel does not approve of her kids, or any of her students for that matter, getting into anything even remotely romantic, the flavor text for the closet in Kris’ Dark World room being ‘You could wear whatever you want’ suggests that Toriel imposes some sort of a dress code on Kris and likely also Asriel when he was living at home. They’re also the two characters most susceptible to the SOUL, in other words you the player. Kris’ is a bit more direct, as they are the character we control in both their movements and what they say. While Noelle, considering she has such a weak will, she is fairly mailable if we impose our will onto her, as demonstrated in the Pipis Route. Finally, they both have a strong attachment towards Susie, though whether Kris’ is romantic or not is not entirely clear as of yet. Oh, and speaking of Noelle...

~The Return of Noelle~

In at least one of the future chapters, I believe Noelle will make a come back as a party member. I don’t think Toby Fox would make it this easy to just lose whatever equipment you put on her, especially if you give her the Jevilstail or if the Pipis Route has been fully completed you will lose a component of the Twisted Sword, which will presumably be available in future chapters. Therefore, I believe that Noelle will be playable again, at least at some point.

~Misanthropic Dysmorphia~

So, many people have seen the connections that Kris has to Chara (or The Fallen Child) from Undertale. They both love chocolate, are the adopted children of Toriel and Asgore, and seem to have an affinity for knives. But if there is one more connection they have, it’s that they both seem to hate humans. Now, while don’t know the reasons as to why Chara hated humans, it was enough for them to want to slaughter an entire village of people, going overboard with the body count when only 6 souls were needed to break the barrier. While Kris likely isn’t as genocidal as Chara was, their distaste for humanity runs just as deep. However, Kris’ misanthropy manifests as a form of body dysmorphia. As a child, they wondered when their horns would grow in like their brother and parents, showing that, at least at that point Kris didn’t understand the biological differences between themself and those around them. Not only that, but in Chapter 2, when going upstairs in the library and reading the book ‘How to Care for Humans’, when looking at the pages Kris immediately closes the book when seeing the pictures of humans in seeming disgust. It wouldn’t be too much of a surprise if Kris hates the fact that they’re human, seeing as that is the big thing that makes them an outsider to Hometown. It would also explain why they seem to hate the SOUL/Player, even if you play as pacifistically as possible and don’t do anything to intentionally upset Kris like throwing away the Ball of Junk in the Light World. After all, Kris’ description in the Dark World as soon as you enter it in Chapter 1 is ‘A body containing a human SOUL’. Apart from just generally being upset that some outside force is controlling their actions, Kris is also likely pissed that a human is the one controlling them, because, assumedly, you or anyone else that plays Deltarune is going to be a human. That could be just some extra salt in the wound, that even Kris’ own soul is not only human but not even their own.

~Darkner’s History(?)~

This is something strange that I don’t think a lot of people think about. So, I notice a lot of people point out that Ralsei knows that both his Dark Fountain and the Fountain from Chapter 1 are located in a supply closet and a classroom respectively. Most people point to this as evidence that Ralsei knows something, however Ralsei isn’t the only one with knowledge of the Light World. Queen does have a line or two about knowing that her Dark World is within a library. So clearly, Darkners have at least some awareness of the Light World, or at least enough about their enclosed spaces and possibly limited to appointed rulers or some such. What isn’t so clear is how long these Dark Worlds have lasted. Sure, portals to the Dark Worlds seem like only a recent thing, there is talk about the history of these characters. Just within Chapter 1 there’s King overthrowing the other three card kings and taking the throne all to himself, Jevil meeting a mysterious figure causing him to go mad and thus needing to be locked up by Seam, a presumably long series of puzzle makers syphoned out before Roulxs became the Duke of Puzzles, and some kind of falling out between Queen and King (which also brings up the question of when and why was Queen’s laptop in the abandoned classroom). My point being, despite these Dark Worlds being open for maybe a day or two at best, there seems to be almost years worth of history to these places. It could be a case of ‘one day passes inside, but only about an hour has passed outside’ thing or it could be that Dark Worlds still technically exists even without a Dark Fountain. So far, though, I can’t offer any concrete answers to this. And actually, since I brought up his suspicious behavior once again...

~Communication Issues~

I already talked about how Ralsei is suspicious in an out-of-universe perspective here, but in universe he is acting rather suspicious. Namely, around Susie. When Kris and Susie return to Castle Town, Ralsei tells Kris to gather everything in the adjacent classroom and bring it here. Everyone becomes their Darkner counterparts and Susie is naturally excited to see everyone, especially Lancer. Ralsei then says, and only says, that ‘when the Dark Fountain was sealed, that area returned to a normal classroom. And when Lancer decides to become one of you KEY ITEMS, Ralsei doesn’t explain that Darkners become regular objects in the Light World, causing Susie to think Lancer ditched them when Kris and Susie leave to work on their group project. And during the Chapter 2 epilogue, Susie even suggests finding a way to bring Ralsei and Lancer into the Light World, despite that seeming to be an impossibility. That’s not even mentioning the post Spamton NEO dialogue where Susie is the first to bring up the oddities of the whole scenario, and Ralsei immediately chooses to shoot down any questioning. Ralsei seemingly keeps Susie out of the loop on a lot of important things about how the Dark World works. Now, Susie doesn’t really question these things, but that’s mostly because 1. she is a very ‘only cares about the here and now’ type of person and is very excited about the whole Dark World shenanigans her, Kris and Ralsei get up to, and 2. this girl is dense enough to not immediately catch on the Noelle is crushing so hard on her a neon sign saying ‘SHE LIKES YOU’ would be a more subtle message. Now, it could be that Ralsei sees Susie in a much more ‘need to know’ basis, that since she is isn’t really the group plan-maker, she doesn’t need to know the intricacies of how the Dark Worlds, the Fountains, and everything works. It also could be that the player, and by extension Kris, are more important and thus will be needed this information more than Susie. However, I still hesitate to say that Ralsei is malicious in action. What I think would be the most likely reason, if his explanation of the Roaring and Queen’s reaction to it are any indication, it looks like Ralsei’s fatal flaw is assuming his knowledge is common knowledge. After all, he assumed that Queen was opening another Dark Fountain because she wanted to destroy the world, when that couldn’t be further from the case. In all likelihood, Ralsei could be overestimating how perceptive Susie really is when it comes to putting details together.

~Only One Ending...?~

This is something a few people have been debating for a while now. Back when Chapter 1 was released in 2018, Toby Fox said that Deltarune would only have one ending. However, with the addition of Chapter 2′s Pipis Route, many of us are wondering if that was a flat out lie or not. My assumption goes one of two ways. Option A: It was true at the time. During the three year development of Chapter 2 a lot, and I mean a LOT, of things about Deltarune have changed. Initially the game was going to be another mostly solo development similar to Undertale. But, with the larger workload and Toby Fox working on other projects like developing music for the Pokemon games, and on top of all of that going through some pretty bad wrist pains, Fox decided to get a small development team for Deltarune. There were debates on whether to switch Deltarune’s game engine to something like Unity, before settling back to Game Maker. And even when Chapter 1 was released, it was more of a proof of concept than anything, with barely any of the rest of the story being written down. It wouldn’t be too much of a surprise if Toby Fox decided to add some more endings because he thought that would work better for what he was going for. Or, Option B: It will be one ending, but in the same way the Normal Ending in Undertale is ‘one ending’. See, while Deltarune likes to emphasize that ‘your choses don’t matter’ and in Undertale ‘your choses do matter’, in actuality, the choses in both games have roughly the same weight. Sure, in Undertale it seems like your choses have more of an impact, but the basic story beats of the game are all the same. You will always fall into the underground, get quasi-adopted by Toriel, go through a wacky puzzle romp with Papyrus, get hunted by Undyne through Waterfall, guest star in Mettaton’s shows with Alphys as your guide, and finally make it to New Home. And there were still some minor questions in Undertale that really had no bearing on what you answered, such as Toriel’s question of if you prefer cinnamon or butterscotch. But because Undertale frames it with ‘your choses matter’ and Deltarune frames it in ‘your choses don’t matter’ we see it as such. So, when it comes to the endings, there really are only three endings in Undertale. The True Genocide ending, where you go all the way through with killing everyone and everything in the Underground, the True Pacifist Ending, where you SPARED everything you came across and completed the necessary friendship side quests, and the Normal Ending. Now, the Normal Ending sounds like a pretty narrow term, considering there’s like at least around 10 different variations of this ending, but the basic plot beats are still the same: You finish the fight with Asgore, fight Omega Flowey, and using the power of the other six souls you (as Frisk) are able to return above ground. Most of what makes this ending different is pretty much flavor text at the very end, with Sans and which ever other characters that are alive/befriended chiming in. I feel like Deltarune’s ending could play out in a similar vein, with larger plot beats being consistent, but specific character’s reactions and what not would change up the ending slightly. And, if we are only given one ending, I feel like there would be a good reason to word it like that. Similarly to what was said some time after on Toby Fox’s twitter about the True Pacifist ending, ‘This is the best ending, nothing more’ when people were wondering if there was a way to save Asriel from his fate in the end. So, if we are told there will be only ‘one ending’ that implies that there’s going to be something we’ll want to change. And what will this change be? Well...

~Don’t Forget, I’m With You In The Dark~

I believe that the ending of Deltarune will involve sealing the Castle Town Fountain. A lot of what’s set up in Deltarune seems to be leading to this. From the suspiciousness of Ralsei, to the premonition of the world ending if too many fountains are open, to the fact that Darkners are unable to consciously interact with the Light World. I’m pretty sure that we’re going to have to say good bye to Ralsei, Lancer, Rouxls, Seam, Queen, and all the rest of the Darkners by the end. And let’s face it, this ending would be the best punch to the gut that the game could offer. But I don’t think it will be all sad. After all, the Darkners will still be with us in spirit, will still be with us in the dark.

#deltarune #deltarune theory

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mxttellion · 3 years ago

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Politely asking for the 300 pages of Matt headcanons

they're not 300 pages (sadly) but it's the sequel to that hc posts i said i was gonna make a part 2 of

Lets GO

- Gets lost in his thoughts a lot. Sometimes you can find him silently staring at the void before being snapped out of it.

- Let's start off with one hc I literally thought about a few minutes ago lmao

The only "things" left from him being a vampire are the incredibly pale skin and the side powers: meaning super strength, super speed, enhanced senses, telepathy and mind control. NONE of them are useful to him in anyway let's be real here (especially mind control)

and not only that, his hyperactivity skyrockets the speed and agility related powers

- I guess this ties in with this sort of alternate future timeline i have in mind with my hcs? but well, Matt can be a very great liar and manipulator. And not-so secretly wishes to take over the world, mostly for fame and all that junk that comes afterwards. Yknow, people praising him for being an amazing leader. which leads him to keep the time machine from wtfuture hidden somewhere. And going by the comics? He probably built one if that got destroyed for any reasons.

- He drinks sometimes. He has stolen Tom's drinks more than once and surprisingly enough, he has a decent resistance to it. But he becomes even more chaotic when drunk lmao

-out of the 4, he's the one who openly expresses his feelings the most. It's pretty easy to understand what he's currently feeling. He's very expressive when it comes to facial expressions and talking, meaning he probably even gestures when speaking (italian matt real?) and of course, he mostly doesn't think before speaking. He swears like a sailor. He tries to keep some kind of "elegant" or "sophisticated" language but in reality he would create a new swear just for you. He also makes up words, and he's 100% convinced the word he said was right.

-He has probably tried to dye his hair in his teens. He failed miserably, and had to cut his hair. Speaking of teenage years, yes, he had an emo phase because I said so

-When it comes to love, he goes through DEEP denial. He would rather insult his crush than admitting that he loves someone else that isn't himself. But once the denial phase is gone, he becomes a clingy ass motherfucker and a huge sweetheart at the same time. Even thought it IS kind of difficult for him to express his love for someone fully. And might accidentally put his lover down when he's being vain once again. Hard times not gonna lie. Matt is usually the one coming up with stuff to do with his partner and in general, he comes up with stuff that the partner doesn't necessarily agree on doing.

- You CAN guess who Matt goes along best in the household, and also who can read him like a book. Just look at my blog ffs

- When he's upset or pissed, he just keeps his >:( face. He isn't led to tears easily, despite being extremely expressive.

-His memory is EXTREMELY bad. He keeps thousands of notes and phone alarms for everything, he has skipped a lot of appointments (even important ones) due to his awful short time and working memory.

-Matt's hair is naturally messy, like very messy. Only hair gel or cutting it can make it less messy. So yeah, when he keeps a mullet he has like an insane amount of gel.

-Going back on the manipulation stuff, Matt knows exactly what to say to break you. He remembers secrets and all that junk from his friends, he'd pull a "you would never do that, would you?" when he wants.

-Hobbies? film making. He made films canonically, he loves to experiment his skills and has TRIED to take a few classes there and there. He has tried drawing aswell, but it doesn't really stick. It's very complicated ngl- He's more headed towards creative hobbies, though. Has tried cooking, but he burnt the house. He also tried some fashion design stuff, following his mother's steps, but nope, none of that worked

-Family time once again!! His biological parents are divorced, and he's an only child, but with a lot of cousins there and there. His father (who i once called Harold in an old au of mine jdhsk) divorced with his biological mother shortly after the incident where Matt was dropped. He later remarried another woman, and Matt honestly considers her to be his actual mother. His parents are both really protective of their child and just want him to grow a pair at times. They've spoiled him to hell and back, but then one day decided "HEY how about YOU try to get some money and buy what you want YOURSELF"

That's,,, all i can think of rn and i'm sure I have some more that I don't remember right in this very moment, and i'll probably rememeber when i hit post ofc

#i dont suck at writing i'm just able to write essays about matt and thats it #rxplies #eddsworld #ew matt #ew headcanons #nxb interps

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amysteriousmessenger · 4 years ago

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Would you be willing to share your headcanons for the RFA with a partner who has a cane and chronic pain? I’d like to think they’d be helpful and understanding

I hope this is what you wanted anon, and I hope it brings you a little bit of comfort <3 I know where you’re coming from, I’m sorry if this feels to generalised!

Yoosung Kim with a Partner who has Chronic Pain Headcanons

Yoosung is a kind and understanding person by nature. He knows a couple of people from chatting online with his guild members who also use walking aids or have chronic pain, so he has a little bit of prior knowledge before you talk to him about it.

He’s more than happy to stay home with you if you’re feeling particularly tired, most of his favourite activities are at home anyway! You can play LOLOL together, watch films and he can cook for you!

He’ll always pick up any extra chores around the house if you’re in too much pain or struggling to do it that day, he doesn’t mind one bit. He’ll tell you to take it easy and wait for him to get back.

He’s not brilliant at it, but he’ll offer to give you shoulder and back rubs if you want one. He understands that there’s only so much that he can do but Yoosung will always give it his all.

Zen/Hyun Ryu with a Partner who has Chronic Pain Headcanons

Zen feels bad that he has such irregular hours depending on whether he got the part or not, but he’ll try his hardest to be there when you need him. He’ll come with you to your appointments, make sure he’s actually cooking healthy meals for the two of you (not just his diet of beer and cigarettes) and he’s all for bridal carrying you around the apartment should you want him to.

For his shows, he would make sure you had priority seating where it wouldn’t be too difficult for you to get to, and you could sit with him in his dressing room before the performance so you didn’t have to wait outside in the general queue.

Zen is very much for spa getaways on the weekend, so you can guarantee you will be accompanying him. He knows it won’t fix anything, but he hopes that at least the relaxing massages, sauna, face masks and rubs would at least calm you down, or make you feel special.

If you’re feeling particularly bad about yourself that day, Zen would overcompensate for it with the amount of love he’s going to give you. Hundreds of gentle kisses across every part of your body, a bouquet of roses, a warm cup of tea (or a beer out the fridge), and a thousand confessions of his love.

Jaehee Kang with a Partner who has Chronic Pain Headcanons

Jaehee would ask Jumin if you can be put on her work healthcare plan as a spouse, and Jumin would approve the request personally since he was also rather fond of you as a friend. Besides, C&R offer their workers really good healthcare plans. She’d also do a lot of research on your conditions herself, because she wants to be prepared and know how to help you best.

Like Zen, Jaehee also feels guilty that so much of her time is taken up by her job, but that means she’ll be more conscious of ways to help you when she’s not around. This can be such as leaving spare coffee for you, or prepping the machine so it’s ready to go, making sure that everything you might need for that day is within reach, or double checking your medication is correct for that week. She knows it’s not her job to check your medication, but Jaehee would rather just double check that everything is correct for her own peace of mind. She worries.

She might not be able to attend all of your appointments with you, but she’s definitely there for the most important once: she just might have to see you off in a taxi afterwards and then return to work herself.

Jumin Han with a Partner who has Chronic Pain Headcanons

He’d immediately transfer to his private doctor, and employ a specialist on your condition. Truly, he will use his money to get you the best possible care. He knows not everything can be cured, but that doesn’t mean he won’t get you the best medication to cope. If anything, he’d even look into funding better medication purely for your sake, and then making it publicly available. Jumin spares absolutely no expense in getting you the best treatments and physical therapies.

He worries about you going out and somehow falling and hurting yourself, so he would prefer if he was the one to chaperone you places so he can ensure that you’re safe. If it’s impossible for him to do it himself, he would insist on you taking one of the private cars and have Driver Kim escort you, since Jumin trusts him to treat you properly.

I can actually see Jumin struggling a lot with letting you have freedom but still wanting to keep you safe. You’re so precious to him, and he wants to make your life as easy as it can be, but he knows he needs to rein it in and give you space to be independent too. He worries.

Attends all of your appointments with you (if you want him to), no questions asked. Since you’d be seeing his doctor, the doctor would visit you at the penthouse anyway.

Saeyoung Choi with a Partner who has Chronic Pain Headcanons

Seven will try his hardest to make you smile and laugh on the days when the pain is the worst, he can’t stand seeing you in agony and he can’t stand not being able to help even more. He’ll be extra goofy, making an absolute clown out of himself to distract you.

He’ll finish his work early (or ignore it) in order to hold you and give you cuddles on the sofa or in bed whilst you watch a movie together. He’ll say he has a really good film to watch, INSIST it’s a masterpiece, and then plays Sausage Party.

He also has a lot of money, so whilst he isn’t registered at a doctors, he’ll make sure you have money to afford registering at a top pharmacy. He’ll also do a lot of his own research into pain medication and treatments to make sure that the doctor is giving you the best. He’ll also hack the CCTV in the Doctors office (with your permission) to make sure you’re being treated properly.

He’ll try his best to eat healthier and cook meals for the both of you when you’re too sore to do it, just because he eats junk food doesn’t mean that you can.

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger headcanons #mystic messenger self insert #mystic messenger hcs #saeyoung choi #zen hyun ryu #zen mystic messenger #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jumin han #luciel choi #hyun ryu #saeyoung choi x reader #jumin han x reader #yoosung kim x reader

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idorkish · 4 years ago

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Piotr “Colossus” Rasputin SFW Alphabet

The SFW Alphabet is from @snk-warriors

A/n: There are no tags because I haven’t started a Marvel tag list really. Check out the pinned post on my page for my Masterlist and to sign up for my tag list! OR just send me a message.

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

In the rare free time that Piotr has, he is in the art room either painting or drawing. If his s/o is available, they are either in the same space working on their own things and enjoying the rare moments of silence. OR, they’re out and about! Want to go to the museum? Let’s go! Aquarium? Mall? Sure, why not. Piotr is willing to power down and just be content in human skin while walking around with his s/o. It’s also a rare time for him to indulge in a bit of bad eating with his s/o.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

How much time do you have? Piotr is in love with every aspect of his s/o. From the top of their head to the tip of their toes. But it goes so much deeper than that. He loves how his s/o’s face scrunches when they’re concentrating on something. And how their try to hold back their laughs and snort instead. He loves that his s/o is by his side, for better or worse. Their entire essence and radiance is so beautiful that Piotr does find is hard to articulate what is beautiful about his s/o/

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Panic attacks, depression, anger, PTSD. Being a teacher at the institute and an X-Men, there is not much he’s not prepared to help with. If he knows that his s/o suffers from these ailments early on, he will ask how they would want him to best help them. Does he need to hold your hand and remind you to breathe? Do you need him in the room but not touch you? How about space - do you just need to be alone in a space for a bit of time? Let him know what the best way to help you is and he will do it. If this is your first panic attack though, well, he is known to be a mother hen for a reason. He will be right there, knelt next to his s/o, a gentle hand on your thigh as he guides you through some breathing exercises and have you tell him 5 things to ground you - 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch or feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Oh our sweet dreamer! Piotr wants the stereotypical dream life. A spouse who loves him, a house with a white picket fence. A couple of young ones running around, maybe a dog or two to keep the kids active. If that’s not what his S/o wants though, he’s ok with that. Talk to the big guy, communicate what you want! He will find a way to make it work.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Piotr is pretty passive. He is easy-going and always wanting to please. There are aspects that he takes the lead on - mostly when it comes to his s/o’s health and well being. No, he will not allow you to eat nothing but junk food. Yes, you will have balanced meals. Do you take medicine? Well you can’t find him on it, you’re taking it at the exact determined time, every day. Oh you have a doctor’s appointment you don’t want to go to? Well you will get the disappointed speech and look from him, AND he will throw you over his shoulder and take you.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Piotr fights enough with the X-Men. He does not like fighting with his s/o. On the rare occasions there is an argument about something important, he is STUBBORN. He will not back down. If voices eventually get raised, he’s walking away before he says something stupid and unforgiveable. Depending on the severity, he’s sleeping in the guest or art room to cool down. Once BOTH of you are calmed down, he wants to talk about what happened and how to make sure it doesn’t get to that point again. He doesn’t want to fight with the love of his life, nor does he want to make them sad or hurt.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Piotr is grateful for everything in life. For the chance to leave Russia. The chance to teach young mutants and to be an X-Men. And most of all? That he had the chance to meet his s/o. He is very much grateful for all the little things they do for him. It’s the small things like making sure his favorite tea is stocked in the kitchen, that his alarm is set in case he passes out right away, and most of all, how they are willing to just sit in the same room with him, quietly, while he decompresses.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

This man? Secrets with his s/o? Not really. He tries to keep quiet when he’s hurt from missions. Or when Charles has given him information not to share with anyone yet. That’s about it. Otherwise, he’s open with his s/o and expects similar.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helping them overcome personal problems?

Piotr has always been a gentle giant, however no matter how much he’s come to terms with his mutation, he still worries that he scares people or that he’s limited in what he can do. His s/o would help him realize he can still do everything that others can, he just needs to take more care in how he approaches.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Piotr is very secure in his relationship and rarely, if ever, gets jealous. He trusts you 100%, so why would he ever get jealous? But when he does get jealous, oh boy. Be ready for a pouty and cold Piotr. He will shrug it off and walk out of the room. He will likely ignore his s/o and become slightly passive aggressive and petty. For someone who does so well with communication, this is the one time that he holds it all in and is unsure of how to express himself. Give him some time, then go and give him extra cuddles and kisses to bring back your gentle-giant.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Sweet. Slow. Sensual. Soft. Rough. Demanding. Desperate. His kisses run the gauntlet depending on his mood. The first kiss with his s/o was slow and timid. He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, so he took his time. Cupping his s/o’s jaw gently, his thumb smoothing across their cheek. Piotr’s other arm was wrapped around his s/o’s waist, holding them gently but close to his own body. Piotr leaned down and ghosted his lips over theirs before applying the slightest bit of pressure.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

It took a long time, and a lot of help from the other X-Men, for Piotr to finally express his feelings. It honestly was his S/O to make the first move and ask him out, but it is Piotr who is the first to drop the L-bomb on them. They were walking around the grounds of the manor after dinner, exchanging stories of the past week when Piotr stopped and pulled his s/o against him, wrapping his arms around their waist and just holding them. He pressed the softest-feather-like kiss to their forehead

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Piotr has thought about marriage since he was a little boy. When he meets his s/o and their relationship progresses, those thoughts come back. He wants to marry his s/o one day, but knows it is best to hold out until both are ready. He will openly talk about it with his s/o to figure out if it is something they want. If they do? Awesome! Even though he won’t propose just yet, he wants to figure out his s/o’s ideas for both marriage and proposal. If they don’t want to get married? Well, he’s going to be hurt a bit. Piotr will become a little insecure about why his S/o wouldn’t want to marry him, but that is where his great communication skills come in handy.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

“lyubov moya” (my love), “zaika/zaichik” (bunny), “malysh” (baby), “lapochka” (sweetie pie), “zvezda moya” (my star)

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

IT is SOOOOOOOOOOO obvious to everyone when Piotr is in love. He is full of heart eyes and heavenly sighs when thinking of his s/o. He expresses his feelings verbally to and about his s/o.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He is 100% up front about his relationship. Why shouldn’t he be? He loves to hold his s/o’s hand as much as possible and likes to keep an arm around their shoulder or waist when in the company of friends. He’s not afraid to press soft kisses to his S/o’s when around students and/or friends. But that’s about it.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Piotr’s s/o is able to make him relax when it comes to some rules - mostly sleeping in, and indulging in junk food.

On the other hand, Piotr brings down the chaos in his S/O’s life.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Piotr is the epitome of romance - flowers, bubble baths, and potentially, a night out. He takes into consideration what his s/o likes and incorporates that into their dates and daily time together.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

There is no one better at supporting their S/o when it comes to goals, then Piotr. He is the best accountability buddy! If the goal is to work out and eat healthy, then Piotr is there helping come up with a meal plan and find exercise that they will enjoy. If the goal is to explore their creative side, then Piotr is taking them to the store to get what they want/need and clearing out a space in the art studio just for his s/o.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

The king of routine honestly. There are things that Piotr does that help him and his S/o keep sane. Consistency does not mean boring when it comes to Piotr though. Also, this doesn’t mean that there isn't’t some spontaneity. When his S/o wears a certain outfit, his brain turns to mush and he can’t keep his hands off of them. Was there a bad mission? Well, things change for a while because of that.

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Piotr and his s/o have been together long enough, and talked enough that they know each other really well. Piotr is extremely empathetic, it’s just his nature. Although they know each other so well, it doesn’t mean they don’t surprise the other once in a while.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it worth in comparison to other things in their life?

He might not fully leave the X-Men, and he definitely will NOT leave the school, but if things are getting in the way of his relationship, Piotr is willing to step back for a while. Anything else, he will talk with his s/o to determine the issue and see if it is something he needs to be rid of from his life.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

When Piotr finally gives in to his S/o’s request to just relax, oh boy watch out. He ends up sleeping in until almost noon. It freaks everyone out in the mansion when they don’t see him at breakfast, nor around the grounds. When he finally awakes and makes his way for food, he’s powered down and in cargo shorts and a hoodie. The students hanging around stare at him like he’s grown another head. Piotr just smiles and waves to them on his way to get food. Once fed, Piotr seeks out his s/o. He finds them lounging on one of the couches, hanging out with their friends and watching a movie. So Piotr nudges his s/o to sit up so he can curl on the couch with his head on their lap, and moves their hand to his hair. And that’s where he spends the rest of the day until dinner.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Piotr is an affectionate man. He will give small kisses and hugs when he sees his s/o between classes or when on the grounds, and he’s not against wrapping his arms around them. It’s not often that he cuddles up to his s/o in front of others. When in the privacy of his or their own room? Piotr is the ultimate cuddle-bug. He powers down to his human forms and loves to lay his head on his s/o’s stomach or lap and have them run their fingers through his hair while his nuzzles against them.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Depending on why he is not around his s/o, Piotr can be a bit pouty. If he’s off on a mission, he keeps his mind at the task on hand. Otherwise, it can lead to mistakes that he’s not willing to take. If his s/o is out on a mission, he is keeping himself busy with work around the mansion and classes. If his s/o is just away or busy doing something, Piotr tries to keep busy. He really, really tries, but he will eventually seek them out if they’re nearby. He doesn’t always need to be touching his s/o but he likes to be in their presence.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Anything he sets his mind to, Piotr gives it his all. This relationship is no different. He has his responsibilities and there is no getting around that but he will fight for his relationship. There is very little that will make him hesitate to work on the relationship. Is his s/o feeling lonely and ignored? Well, Piotr is going to Charles to ask for the weekend off so he can shower his s/o with love and affection. Is his s/o struggling with insecurities and trying to push him away? Oh no sweetie. Piotr can be immovable. He will stand his ground and get his s/o to talk to him. He is not easily scared away.

#sfw alphabet #colussus #Piotr Rasputin #marvel x-men #x-men #marvel headcannons #xmen headcanon

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ebthecelebrity · 3 years ago

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I’m building a church ya’ll....

I recently read online that building a church can take from one to four years. The process consists of solidifying a committee, setting a budget, choosing a piece of land, hiring a designer or building company, and understanding building and zoning codes. Once these five steps are accomplished, it’s time to move in and start your praise and worship. These past few weeks, I have been feeling very different; like I am transitioning. I have silenced the distractions to listen to God and today he told me to build my church. Yes, build my church…. well not literally.

Today I was off work and as much personal errands I have to run; I sit down and watch a church sermon on YouTube. If you need a church home, please check out Transformation Church. This church is steadily transforming my life, since I started faithfully watching during the pandemic. It starts off casually, with me eating some ice cream and watching Pastor Michael Todd. Then within a few minutes in, the Holy Ghost hit me in my living room. I break out in a praise and the tears just start rolling down my cheeks. It is a much-needed loud cry. Feels like it’s from deep within my soul of whatever pain I have been holding onto. God will do you like that! He truly catches you slipping and before you know it, you’re running and screaming in your home like the Exorcist. I stand up and raise my hands because God was deserving of the praise. Everything that I had been silently enduring, God tells me “It’s over. Start building your church.” Being obedient, I start researching how to build a church and this analogy came to mind.

The first step in the construction of your church is solidifying a building committee. This is the group of people who will help your vision come to life. They assist you with decision making, and the budget. Also, let’s face it...building a church can be stressful, this congregation helps you with your mental health. When you think about your tribe, your circle, your true family…. this is them! Who are the people in your life at this very moment, that will be a part of your building committee? Who is dependable, good spirited, honest, and loyal? I have so many “friends” but not all of them fit this description. I am so loyal that if I know a person from the 2nd grade, I’m still referring them as my “friend.” Not everyone deserves this title. It’s important to know that if you follow God’s purpose, not every soul he has placed in your life deserves to go with you while you are in construction mode. This distinction will save you future heartbreak, confusion, and time. I’ve started assessing who I follow on social media, phone numbers I am keeping, and calls I am answering. Your building committee must hold you accountable and also support you for the rest of your life. Who is your congregation?

The next step is to set your budget. What are some of your short-term goals? Do you have the cash readily available to make it happen now? If you don’t have it, how are you going to get it? Budgeting is key. When I sit back and think about the goals I have in place for the next year, I want to be able to set myself up for success and be ready. Setting a short-term goal is just as important, if not more, than a long term one. There is so much emphasis on long term planning, but what we really are ignoring is the fact that tomorrow is not even promised. I start to think about the Amazon, Door Dash, and alcohol I’ve purchased this pandemic and none of that contributes to my short-term goals. If you budget your church construction today, you won’t come across any hiccups when it’s time to start building. Write down 5 short term goals and work towards them NOW. Whether these goals will cost you $200 or $20,000, time is of the essence. Stop wasting time, get your church off the ground.

Choosing your land is a very important piece of a church construction project. The land represents your temple. How is your health? When I ask myself this, I get a little emotional. I am not unhealthy, but I have definitely neglected my body for a long time. I can feel it after a late-night alcohol binge. I can see it when I look at the mirror. Your land will dictate the design for your church. When you start building, you want your land to be in perfect shape to be able to hold a stable structure. When you allow others to use your temple casually, your land is less desirable. The way society praises casual sex and junk food has really disrupted the mindset of how important it is to keep your land beautiful. Getting adequate exercise, practicing good health habits, eating a balanced diet, self-care for mental health and having a healthy sexual relationship are all a part of what can affect the value of your lot and your ability to BUILD. How is your lot right now? What is your value?

The blueprint of your church is the outline of your life. It’s your plan that will eventually lead you to your purpose. I had been struggling with my purpose for years and I finally realized it during the pandemic at the age of 37. When the world closed down, it allowed me the opportunity to get still and focus on what God called me to do here on this earthly journey. Carefully designing your church takes prayer, concentration, and also the help of your congregation. You hire yourself as the designer and building company because ultimately, YOU are in control of YOUR life. Have you ever rode by a beautiful and breathtaking church and thought to yourself, “Wow! I would love to see how it looks inside”? That is the same effect that your God driven purpose is to have on others around you. Design your church to be attractive, where every person you encounter leaves inspired and motivated. Let your presence be felt beyond your years, leaving a legacy. You know when the Pastor of a church passes away and the ministry continues? Well, that happens the same way when you design your church in the way that God made fit. Do you have your blueprint ready?

Last but certainly not least, understanding the building and zoning codes are a must! The tedious paperwork has to be done in life in order to do right by your congregation. Navigating through life takes adulting and this is where your t’s are crossed and your I’s are dotted. Do you have life insurance? Do you have a will in place? If you have a child(ren), there is no excuse for you not to have these in place. Let’s face it, we all have an appointment with our maker, so please have your church in order when it’s your time. Understanding that with leveling up, there comes responsibility. I recently drafted my will last year with an attorney and it was such a relief to get that out of the way. I put everything down from my medical demands to my funeral arrangements. There is no confusion. Just like your church home, navigating the laws and paperwork is crucial. Make it a necessity to have these things in order, as times a wasting.

So, I’m building a church right now. If I am unavailable, distant, or short with you please don’t take it personal. As I mentioned this process may take one to four years to complete. I suggest that you start building yours too. For church is not for the perfect human being, it’s for the imperfect one who needs structure and guidance every day.

#church #growth #selflove #congregation #godlovesyou #construction #blackauthors #blackbloggers #newblogpost

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everydayanth · 5 years ago

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Academic Elitism: an institutional issue

Sorry for being so rant-y lately, but the elitism of university has been a problem for me from the exact moment I accepted my scholarship with a signature and a handshake in high school. (The scholarship was later revoked due to state up-fuckery, but that’s another story, and I was already in too deep by the time they told me).

My parent’s house was only an hour north, my younger sister had already claimed my room, but I was excited. I was in the furthest dorm building, because that’s where the scholarship kids went, it was like a poor kid diversity hall, every few doors was someone from a completely different background, but we were all poor except our Swedish RA, and there was an odd pride in that. We all had various scholarships: robotics, dance team, nerds like me, etc. (not the football or hockey athletes though, they had their own dorm next to the library for... reasons, lol).

But being the last hall, it wasn’t actually full, most of us had entire rooms to ourselves, often whole suites; our hall was co-ed, but rooms were only occupied at every-other, staggered down the corridor. Only the front two halls were used, the back two closed off for construction or codes or something. We had to hike up the hill for dining halls, which was fine until snowdays that shut the whole campus down (and I mean west Michigan ones, with 4+ feet of powder and ice underneath). I had an old computer my dad got me for graduation and I didn’t know it was old until my peers started calling it a dinosaur. I had to use the library computers to write and print papers, and most places I went, I ran into the other scholarship kids. We didn’t talk much, just a head bob here and there, awareness at our similarities and an annoyed spite at being thrown together this way. It was lonely for everyone.

I had a purple flip phone I’d gotten only that calendar year (2009) and was still learning to text with (abbreviations? instant messaging? what?). My roommate had come down from Alaska to live near her dad, we’d talked in the summer, but I never saw her. I moved my things in and her stuff was on her side, I texted her about going to turn in paperwork and when I came back, there was a note on my bed and all her things were gone, she couldn’t do it, had never been away from home for even a night. She left a few mismatched socks and a bag of junk pens that I resented for years.

Social media was mostly a way to talk to people across campus and exchange homework and party times/locations. We posted over-edited photos of our food and still jogged with our mp3 players and ipods. But within two years, I had to trade in my computer three times and upgrade to a smartphone to keep up with the expectations of communication. Professors would cancel classes by emails an hour out, and if I was on campus, I simply didn’t get the message, running between classes with 19 credit hours and three jobs. Work would call in or cancel my appointments (tutoring) and I needed to be able to communicate at the rate of my peers, so though it wasn’t something we could easily afford, my parents let me get the smartphone and my dad helped me find computers that could keep up with writing papers and researching without having to go to the lab, which saved so much time.

There was little understanding for my suffering. I didn’t have a car, I had to call my parents and organize a time to get home or take the train which was more expensive than waiting around on an empty campus. They were often things that even the wealthiest students had to deal with, but there were so much more of them for us, more stress, more problems, more solutions, more consequences, and in some ways, more determination.

I spent plenty of breaks holed up in my room, but when the swine flu/H1N1 outbreak happened, guess where they quarantined students?

In our hall.

Not the back one that was closed. In the room attached to my suite.

After half a semester alone, suddenly strangers shared my bathroom. I never saw them, I would just hear the formidable click of the bathroom lock followed by the shower. A week later I got a blue half-sheet note in my mailbox about quarantines. The other kids were as pissed off, as we watched kids escorted in with blue masks and were told to just get cleaning wipes from the front desk –they ran out in a week.

We were the recyclable students, brought in to trade scholarships for university grade averages. Many of my friends were struggling with scholarship qualifications and gpas (which only encouraged my continual obsessive perfectionism and involvement).

We were expendable.

I didn’t understand the elitism then, or I did, but I’d twisted it in my head from years tossed between private and public schools. I was an invader, I wasn’t supposed to be there, but I wanted to be. I understood that I didn’t deserve it, that I had to work harder to stay. I completed Master’s coursework for my Bachelor’s degree, finishing two BA programs (anthropology and English: creative writing) and 2 minor programs in philosophy and world lit, lead several campus groups and volunteered with honor’s societies. I spent hours on campus every day, running home just to go to one job or the other. I slept about four hours a night and I still romanticize it because I loved it. And I was good at it. It was a closed system, easy to infiltrate, easy to watch and observe and follow, to feel protected from the world, but there were always ways that I came up short.

I didn’t have leggings or Northface fleeces or Ugg boots or name brand anything (except a pair of converse I got in 8th grade from my Babcia). I had old high school sweats and soccer shirts, hand-me-down clothes from sisters and cousins that mix-matched a style I thought was unique but I now understand screamed I don’t really belong here. Example: I went to propose an independent study to a professor I really admired and I panicked about what to wear. I still cringe at the memory, gahhhhhh, but I pulled on what I thought was a decent dress because it had no rips or stains or tears and though I’d picked it up from a clearance rack, it was the newest thing and therefore the best. But in retrospect, it was definitely a “party” dress, I grabbed a sweater, hoop earrings that had always been beautiful in my neighborhood, and heels I never wore otherwise, and presented my idea. This old professor was just like “um...did you dress up for me?” Clearly spooked by red flags and I realized my mistake. Saved by quick thinking I clarified “no, I have a presentation later,” and being a familiar face in the social sciences department, I let him assume I was dressed up as something. I just went in my sweats and t-shirts after that, got a haircut that tamed the wavy frizz and learned the importance of muted tones, cardigans, and flats.

I made a lot of interesting friends in the process, people who also stuck out from the American Academic culture: exchange students, older (non-traditional) students, rebels, and other poor kids. But that also meant that we all evolved during our time there, so friendship was quick and fleeting as we adapted or dropped out or remained oblivious, lost in our studies and dreams of changing the world or our lives.

I had no idea how to approach the dining halls because I could only afford the bronze plan that was included with my room+board scholarship. I could enter the hall ten times per week, with four included passes to the after-hours carry-out (this was an upgrade from the free high school lunch I was coming from). I met other kids on this plan and their dorm rooms had fridges and microwaves and shelves of ramen and mac’n’cheese. Mine was sparse, my fridge had jugs of water from the filtered tap in the common room, and though it had a shared kitchenette, it always smelled bad or was being used and the nearest grocery store was Meijers which was a 15-20 minute drive from campus. I used so much energy dividing up my meals and figuring out how to sneak food from the hall for later or just learn to not eat, which is another story involving malnutrition, broken bones, and the American Healthcare System.

We like to summarize the college experience with fond struggles. I went back to my old high school to watch my younger sisters’ marching band competition that first year (it’s MI, and they were good). My old art teacher (not much older than we were but she felt so much older at the time, also her maiden name was Erickson and so was her fiance’s so she didn’t “change” her name and that blows my mind to this day), anyway, she stopped me to ask how school was going, and I was not prepared to be recognized in anyway and stammered out something like “oh, yeah, stressful. Fun, cool, yeah,” like the eloquent well-educated student I was. And she said, “oh, I loved it, don’t you love it? Everything’s so charming, and being poor? Oh man, it’s hard for a while, but it’s so good to go through.”

I was dumbfounded at her reference to poverty as a thing to go through when you’re a student. I again had to remember that I was infiltrating places where people weren’t just marginally more well-off than I was, but far beyond, in a place where they couldn’t comprehend an alternative, couldn’t conceive of surviving poverty, of not having a reliable place to fall if you mess up, parents who couldn’t support you if things went wrong, who couldn’t save you from having to drop out if scholarships were canceled because the money just wasn’t there.

Talking with my parents never worked, and I recently found this video by The Financial Diet about Boomer shame in being poor, where many Millennials were united by it and it was #relatable. But all this is to say that there are so many layers and ways we develop in higher education that are often overlooked by the romantic nostalgia of the elite expectation. What we demand from education vs. what it offers us in return is rarely equal for students coming from poverty, and it starts with that first sacrifice of looking at money and deciding it has to be worth it to do something bigger, and that education is a necessary piece of that goal.

Now I live near Brown University, I’ve been to Harvard when we lived in Boston and recently took a trip to Yale with bold expectations. I am friends with several people who work at these places and I hear the same things: so many students are in a place where their obsessions are considered more important than the larger world, an argument that Shakespeare is a woman is more important to prove than the greater issues of sexism in society as a whole, while others are trained to look at data and the world as a pocketable fact-book, going to conferences and week-long summits and then off to D.C. to make important decisions about places they’ve never been to, for people they’ve never met, about problems they’ve never experienced.

It’s not new. It’s not romantic. It’s not nostalgic. It’s just sick.

I was horrified at New Haven. I have read so many social science reports and papers and experiments and academic bullshit that has come from professors at Yale with a big badge of ivy-league validation. So much of this research was focused on homelessness and culture clash and socio-economics in America, as that was my “dissertation” that got me discounted master’s classes for my BA in Anthropology. Anyway, my point was that I thought this noble, proud university that put out so much research was going to be situated in something of a utopia, where their research is put into practice. Obviously, I was wrong, but I didn’t expect how wrong. (I had also started reading Leigh Bardugo’s Ninth House, so... there’s another thing).

My observations were validated by employees of ivy-league schools, who have watched over the past 2 decades as they grow more and more reclusive, hiding away from the public except through a few, probably well-intentioned, outstretched hands that do little to contribute to the world outside the university itself. These ivory towers are built by poaching: environments, observations, resources, research, and yeah, even students.

I love academia. I will sit in a library for hours just pulling down tomes (and putting them back in their proper locations like a dork) and drawing connections just for fun. But right now, I’m a bit bitter and spiteful and angry.

When something like Coronavirus sneaks up on us, we have a tendency to throw the most expendable people under the bus as quickly as we can, and all I can think about is my shadow of a suite-mate sneezing and coughing with swine flu for two weeks, at how I refused to use my own bathroom and listened to my hall-mates’ advice about showering at the rec center a mile away as we all collectively locked our bathroom doors and were left there by the university to get sick without insurance to help with any foreseeable costs.

It’s not the same now, they’ve rebuilt the entire section of the campus, it’s odd to see it, I wonder where they put the expendable kids. Or maybe they don’t accept them anymore. I’ve worked in college admissions since then, and it is a scary industry of politics and preference and hidden quotas and image-agendas. Not all schools are industry monsters, but when you’re expendable, they sure do feel like it, whether you graduate summa cum laude with two degrees, six awards, and five tasseled ropes around your neck or not.

I wish I had a positive message. I wish I was in a place to help people who feel expendable or like they can’t keep up with communications because of technology or language or network or environment. But I don’t have much right now. For all its posturing and linear progression, academia needs to create profit. All I can do is yell about this existing.

If you are feeling expandable in university, I can tell you you’re not alone. I can let you rant about all the small ways your peers don’t get it, whether its an accent they shit on or ceremonies you don’t have the right clothes for or textbooks you share with a friend to cut costs but then they hoard them. I can relate to you about guilt and that sneaking panic that fills you with anxiety at night as you question yourself and wonder if it’s worth it at all, if it’s necessary, if it’s okay to be expendable to follow something that feels bigger. I can validate your doubt and tell you that you’re not actually expendable, you’re a bridge.

I’m sorry it still works like this. I wish we figured out how to change it by now, I wish I had secret shortcuts to tell you about, that there was more accountability or hope, but I’m not seeing it lately. I hope you do. <3

#academia #anthropology #sociology #university #culture #h1n1 #coronavirus #poverty #wealth gap #elitism

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