#and i get it since the target was talking to trad wife lifestyle folks but still
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
We can't expect individual people to have safety nets and contingency plans for everything when as a society we have gutted any safety net we once built.
The way people can get trapped in abusive situations, or be stuck without finances if your spouse dies, is absolutely important to talk about and bring awareness to.... but we can't keep doing it by throwing disabled people under the bus because this happens to us all the time. And unlike someone choosing to be a trad wife we really have no choice in our situation.
We need more robust safety nets, community supports and resources to help people from getting stuck with no way out of abusive relationships and bad situations.
We can't personal responsibility our way out of societal problems.
sometimes, when someone is criticizing the stay-at-home-wife movement being sold to young women by conservatives, it loses focus on the "selling you a repressive and authoritarian worldview" point and slides into... well... implicitly leaving disabled people to die.
and what i mean by that is, it's all well and good to say you should do everything in your power to make sure you're not financially dependent on another person... but what if "everything in your power" is "nothing?"
what if how society is structured means you have absolutely no choice but to be financially dependent on another person? what if it's that, or simply die? this is the choice disabled people are faced with. not even uncommonly... frequently. people who need full-time carers, or who have very expensive medication and assistive tech needs, or people who simply can't work in the current job structure, often have the choice of... well... find someone to be financially dependent on, or face a slow, painful death, usually without housing. even if you're lucky enough to get on a fixed income, it's never enough to even make monthly rent, and that's not counting the extra costs of food, toiletries, medicine...
in fact, a lot of disabled people (certainly notably women, but absolutely not limited to, and in fact i see this happen to trans men over and over again, and i've lost a dear transmasc friend because of this) are funneled into being stay-at-home parents and homemakers, forced to do all of the domestic labor and childcare in exchange for a roof over their head and access to their medications/assistive tech, and isolated in all the same ways tradwives are isolated. in fact, this even happens with leftist partners/parents. all the time, i see disabled people disappear from public life entirely, lose contact with all their friends, and consign themselves to a life of cleaning up after someone while struggling to handle their own health needs, even having their disabilities exacerbated and their lifespans shortened by the amount of domestic labor they're required to do.
but it isn't a choice... it can't be fixed by focusing on academia or work... and it's not due to buying into conservative propaganda. all i ask is, please remember this, and please never leave us out of these discussions.
#there was a video I watched recently by a creator i usually admire on this topic#and i get it since the target was talking to trad wife lifestyle folks but still#its not like trad wife folks can't also be disabled and it honestly painted being dependent as being lesser and i hate that#and the derisive way the creator talked about getting an “allowance” as though that is the worst thing in the world#i have gotten a portion of my spouse's paycheque since forever because we agreed I should have my own money that I controlled#this looks very much like the allowance that was derided but it also is helping me build my own personal savings#and while i still rely on my spouse's income to do so#once it transfers to my account it is 100% MY money and I honestly don't think that making fun of#people having an allowance like that is the best idea if you also want them to be as financially independent as possible#because sometimes those allowances are the only thing that people have to be able to get out of these situations because they save#up as much as they can covertly through this allowance#so like... idk very disappointed how we are talking to and about this recent conservative fad#because there are things it is absolutely important to bring up!! but simply being dependent on someone else is not fucking one of the#things we have to shit on right? cmon...
1K notes
·
View notes