#and i find myself wondering what couldve been

[initialsaint]

I'm nearly done reading Onyx Storm and am I literally the only person who likes Dain and Violet together.

I read FW, and thought it was great to see a female MC not get shoved into a love "triangle" (corner), and ended up really liking her chemistry with Xaden. I was also mad as hell at Dain and loved that Violet rightfully stood up to him. Then I read IF and had to force myself to finish it because the first half dragged so much and the romantic side of things was genuinely painful to read, and not in the high-stakes tension way, in the this is just unenjoyable way. And I found myself more interested in Dain's development- because he arguably had more than Violet's actual love interest.

I know Xaden has had progress, but watching Dain go from Violet's childhood friend who seemed like he was always going to be on the wrong side of history, who wouldn't break a rule even it got Violet killed, to the wingleader who killed for her the moment he saw things for what they truly were, who had to grapple with knowing his own father was complicit in leaving people dying on Navarre's doorstep, who has spent the rest of the series helping Violet- and Xaden- and trying to be worthy of her trust and friendship again-

is infinitely more interesting than seeing Xaden go from secretive, to slightly less secretive.

150 pages away from the end of OS, I almost wish the love triangle had happened.

[smellyprincetm]

every once in a while i get reminded of how i left when he didnt want me to and clearly wasnt ready to let go

but i had to leave

yet i still act like a martyr

[rainsoftenings]

misericorde volume 2 spoilers/theorizing

-considering the outbreak of dancing mania in linbarrow proper, i feel like we are guaranteed to have at least ONE nun at the abbey come down with it. i do not think it will be darcy because she already passed 2 days with no symptoms; my money is on either moira or adela since they're the only named characters depicted thus far dancing with hedwig, assuming hedwig won't contract it herself. tatiana does say that "the infirmerer" is confirmed to die by one of the swords in the 1983 section; maybe it was a mercy killing -also very disturbing to me that when hedwig asks abt whether or not anyone at the abbey has slept with flora, the youngest member at 19 (but who honestly acts younger imo), margaret and adela both say they wouldn't and catherine didnt either because flora came to them as a young girl and felt like their collective daughter. but moira says yes. and moira was involved with catherine's inner circle, which would mean she's someone who couldve taught flora the transportation sigil AND about scapulimancy -thinking about the black hair conversation in the baths. obviously it signifies that moira is more melancholy than she lets on, but im also wondering idly if she might not also have jewish ancestry and therefore have sympathized with catherine for that. im also wondering if hedwig might be ethnically jewish too considering eustace's insistence that the reason she was sealed in her cell is some kind of scandal, but points against this are the fact that she can't read hebrew (although considering she was a very small child of unclear social status she may not have been able to read at all) and. i will be the first to admit that not only am i not jewish myself i dont actually know what the deal was with jews in the holy roman empire at this point in history but i DO remember them still being persecuted a century later in pentiment, so i assume nothing good. someone who DOES know, please feel free to fact check me on this. but the hints at drowning in her backstory/the overcrowded boat suggests to me refugees attempting to flee to another country by sea -i remember someone else pointing out that moira knows how to cleanly amputate limbs and therefore presumably heads. and i feel like her story not aligning with margaret and eustace's is probably her means of throwing hedwig off her trail. that being said, tatiana saying that her kindness being suspicious is "a bit pat" is true, but i also feel like if she is not the culprit outright she is at least way more involved than she lets on -catherine's head was removed postmortem, we never actually SEE her body but we know she actually bled out from the two smaller stab wounds in her neck and side. moira helped attend to and bury her body iirc. she could have easily removed her scapula at this point in time. conflicting evidence: the scapula could be the small piece of the former superior crushed by the clocktower that was supposedly buried in the abbey cemetery -IF the sigil is actually magic, im beginning to wonder whether or not the armor making up the barghest costume controls its wearer against their will. that being said despite the metafictional aspect wrt 80s tatiana and eustace im not going to lean into "explicitly supernatural" theories just yet. it just feels to me like they're pulling a reverse version of that letter at the beginning of the name of the rose claiming that adso's testimony came from a real document... that coincidentally no one can find -speaking of tnotr, i fucking called the library fire. i knew there would be one, it feels like a requirement for murder mysteries set in an abbey at this point. eco's influence... -i really dont like the implications of hedwig's dormitory bed pillow being wet after moira sleeps in it + the crumbs that hedwig doesnt remember leaving in her cell but doesnt think much of. i dont know what they could be yet but again i'm assuming nothing good -i found the transgender eustace reveal very amusing. i dont have any meaningful commentary on it i just think it was a very funny twist

-addendum bc i forgot to add it: i wonder if flora's little knife was the implement used to kill catherine. it's either that or angela's dagger (which she mentions went missing recently but as we know angela has a confirmed alibi) but im leaning toward moira using it to kill catherine and giving it to flora as a dual means of giving her what she needed to create the sigil and to dispose of the evidence

[star-dust-stuf]

Luke Skywalker x period!reader

title: let you go, let you fly

warnings: descriptions of pain, blood, some angst but mostly fluff

a/n: it's sad I've never written for Luke cause I love him so much. so why not start with a period comfort? sorry for typos I suck at typing, enjoy babes.

-

Luke was helping Han fix his falcon, it was perfect timing because we were close to the planet Hoth. But it was the worst timing when I had gotten my period that morning, I had leaked and left a stain on the back of my dress, though the dress is off white it still stood out and would definitely leave a stain. 

I was in a small little room, a small cubby with a bed and a shut down robot in the corner. Its medical wing but I didn't come there for medical assistance, I was hiding. I knew Luke would tease me about this even though I really never really told him about it. But I knew Han would joke about it if I even mentioned it. 

"Luke, pass me that wrench!" Han said from the top of his ship.

Luke handed it to him from the latter. "You know where y/n went? She's been gone since we landed.

Han chuckled, pulling up some wires and making them snap. "She's probably wondering and getting into things she's not supposed to."

Luke laughed, "yeah, if that was you, you'd say it's exploring. And there's nothing wrong with exploring!" He hopped off the ladder. 

Han watched him, "what, you're gonna leave me to fix this damn thing by myself?"

Luke smiled up at him, shouting a bit so he could hear him. "If she's lost then someones gotta find her. Besides you got 3PO!" 

Han grumbles, "yeah, give me the robot that never shuts up."

Luke started to head to the right, thinking I'd be in the control room, he knew I had a thing for pressing buttons which he honestly found adorable. He asked some people if they've seen me, one man told him he saw me walk down to the wing. Luke grew concerned and headed there immediately. 

He checked in the small pods then finally made it to the private ones, the door slid open and there I was. I quickly faced him. "Oh. Luke."

"Y/n, what's wrong, you hurt?" Luke stepped in the the door closed. I didn't really answer, not wanting to say I wasn't or just lying. He saw right through me. "You look a little nervous."

I sigh, "Luke?"

"Yeah?" 

I stuttered, I sighed again and just turned around, I didn't want to say I had gotten my period and bled all over cause what's the point of embarrassing myself further. There was silence for a moment, then he spoke in a calm and soft manner. 

"Oh, y/n. Why didn't you say?" He got close to me as I turned back to face him. 

I shrug, "I didn't think..."

He smiled, "it's just a period, if you needed help you couldve asked. I see you may have... Stained the back of your dress." 

I nod a little, he knew my embarrassment wasnt going away but he understood, it was a sensitive topic for me. He went over to a small door on the side of the wall, he pulled out a orange suit. "Okay. Just slip the dress off, put this on and tie the top around your waist."

I took it. "Thanks..." 

He chuckled at how red my face is. "It's alright. But do you have- you know... a pad-."

I cut him off, more embarrassed, "yeah! Yup!"

He laughed and nodded, "just take your time, I wont let Han leave without you." He left the small pod through the sliding door and it slid back shut. 

It was comforting to know he understood, he didn't want me to feel like I couldn't say anything about it, but he also didn't want me to speak about it if it truly made me uncomfortable. Luke headed back to Han, me following behind him. He whispered to Han who was done fixing his ship.

"Han?"

"Yeah?" He drilled a piece back in place.

"She... She got her period."

Han chuckled, "did she?"

Luke rolled his eyes, "don't make her angry alright?"

Han smirked. "Because I want her nagging me all day. Yeah right."

Luke smiled a little, "just don't mention it, okay?"

I walked up to the Falcon, Luke saw Han grinning. Luke knew he wouldn't leave me alone. Once we got going I was sitting behind Luke and Han. It was during the flight I was starting to get cramps and I didn't really know what to do, I sort became restless in my seat. 

Han smirked, "why don't you go lay down?" 

I glair, "no."

"Well if you have... Oh what do you call them?" Han teased.

Luke rolled his eyes, "knock it off Han, she doesn't feel good." 

Luke stood up and got to me. "Here, I'll get you something warm, you go lay down, okay?" 

I nodded and stood up. Luke took my hand softly to help me up as I did. Once I left Luke smacked Han on the back of his head. "What did I say?" 

"You know exactly what you said and still decided to say it." Luke snapped.

Han rose his hands as if he was surrendering. "Alright, alright. So I teased her. She listened to you more than me!"

"Because I wasn't teasing her about it." Luke said as he walked out. Han scoffed. 

Luke followed shortly after me, he helped me lay down gently and gave me a blanket. "Ignore Han he doesn't know how to show affection." 

I smiled a little, "thank you Luke... I know this isn't something-."

He cut me off with a soft voice. "I don't expect you to not get a period time and time again when we travel throuh the galaxy. I know sometimes they can get... Painful and I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

I smiled softly at him, "why're you so kind?"

He laughed softly, "I guess it's in my nature." Hs caught himself putting a lock of hair behind my ear before I flinchd in pain, placing my hand on my lower stomach. "Oh. Okay, okay, just breathe for a minute." 

He placed his hand where mine was, his breath was warm on my face and his hand was warm on my stomach. He smiled gently, "see, just breathe..." He made sure I was fast asleep before leaving, he didn't want me to be uncomfortable and alone.

[bathroomtrapped]

ohmygod i literally just made an account on letterboxd bc i watched saw (2004) and loved it so much and ur interview was so inspiring to me and ive been on an absolute craze trying to reblog like every single saw post on tumblr and i somehow found your account what the heck?!!?!?! ur art is AMAZING and i absolutely love ur takes on saw as a franchise and its significance to the queer community. i hope to be as knowledgeable of this franchise as you are one day despite me only being a baby saw fan!!

i had a quick question; i found on the saw heritage post blog that they thought leigh/james/someone else confirmed that saw (2004) did not actually occur the day before 9/11 despite the phone given to them being set to that date. however, when i asked them if they knew where this source was from (bc im so curious!!! i want to know everything!!!!!!) but neither they nor i could find the actual source for that so i was wondering if maybe u knew??? just curious :3

regardless ty for taking the time to read this and dedicating so much time to this fandom!! i love that horror fans like you exist in a fandom that i previously thought would be weird and slightly disturbed film bros (i had a lot of incorrect preconceived notions about saw that have been quickly resolved i promise)

thank you!! im glad that people feel the same way about it as i do but even if people thought i was some crazy transexual making everyone else woke and pronouns, i wouldnt care. the story, especially lawrences but adams as well, really resonates with me as a trans person for so so many reasons, more than i listed in the interview. to me, i cant read his character without filling in the gaps with trans subtext. it not only explains but also enriches the personal experiences of these characters as well as their dynamics with each other. theyre both characters that are defined primarily by how theyre seen by other people, themselves, and eventually each other. the narrative is soooo focused on perception and masks and who u truly are, i find it hard to separate any kind of queer theory from that.

as for the 9/11 question thats such a dumbass pet peeve of mine. its one of the things that makes me shout UMMMM ACTUALLY at the top of my lungs. my blood pressure sours to inhuman levels when someone confidently says the movie takes place not just in 2001 but the day before 9/11. not because of some interview or confirmation from any of the crew because my knowledge of old fandom history is incredibly spotty. old sites and interviews r a mystery to me for the most part BUT! the reason it is for sure not before 9/11 is because during the flashback of pauls trap (during lawrences monologue about jigsaw) kerry tapp and sing are all at the scene with other officers and i believe its kerry who holds up an evidence bag thats labeled 2004. the scene takes place 5 months before the events of saw 1 so its not possible that it takes place 3 years before that. it just seemed like a funny (but insanely bold considering how 9/11 was only 3 years before) joke and easter egg for people to catch on to, not actual lore meant to be taken seriously.

if u want to look for the interview, i would honestly just listen to the commentary tracks bc it mightve been said there. i know in the one with leigh, james, and cary they discuss plot holes fans complained about, questions fans had online, the fanfic they read (briefly LOL). ive only seen that one (and once) but theres at least 2 other commentary tracks with different people that i havent gotten around to for fear of like. completing saw? idk i cant bring myself to watch all of the commentary tracks but theres a chance they discuss it there! i can only speculate on the reason, all i know is that saw 2004 takes place in 2004 based on actual evidence from the media itself

if u have any other questions let me know. i still have the original draft of the interview which had more questions and longer responses bc i couldve gone on for days abt the lore and saw queer theory and ill never shut up about it

[shortystack75]

Hey its been a year girlypops I'm play lis2 again

Pot farm and im bonding with the guy...? Hes got a daughter!

My Sean sitting in silence as Hannah and Cass fight like his moms are beefing

Finn!! Stop flirting with me 🥴 how is Sean supposed to function when you're flirting with him 🙄

Helping Hannah peel potatoes she feels like my sister 🥺 God this feels like such a good talk for sean

Sean being a little freak when Cassidy snatched his drawing 😭 i wonder what she would've said if I drew her but I drew finn

We are little wolves 🥰

BBG STILL TRIED TO TAKE A PUFF NOOO 😭

Sean this is NOT how I would've taken this convo- HES NINE!

Oh shit thats a big trunk hey dude

"I'm not a kid. Anymore" bbg you are NINE.

Mmm normally id say fuck it sure to weed but I feel this would be a bad decision with my son next to me

Finn wants to get a beach house...? Hey hey finn. Hey finn. WERE maybe going to a beach...

...... I have to make the choice to romance finn rn huh 🤨 go to bed or get a haircut....... UGHHHH in sorry Daniel 😔

"Don't look at me boy. I only cut weed ☝" Hannah i love you. FINN PLS SONT BUTCHER HIS HAIR. ..... ITS NOT GREAT. Ill say he likes it to like finn but Its meh

Sean's little "erm. How long have you to. Been together 😳" bbg thats not the vibes, they're sweeties

"Would you consider yourself bi-" "Horny 😌" BROTHER-

I love finn calling everyone sweetie btw 🥺 have I mentioned that?

I was not expecting this music but okay pfft.

Daniel,,, Daniel you be getting us all fired 😑What. WHAT DO YOU MEAN TEAXH HIM A LESSON im gonna kill 😤

Also they all know about Daniel powers now and Sean has a black eye.

Jake sweetie pie do not make this about religion.

SIGH. I really don't wanna go along with the heist but I Google it and its the only way to romance Finn 😑 Is Sean getting dick worth it? Obviously Daniel will be fine in the end but surely this ONE thing won't be a giant setback for Daniel right?? Right??? It'll be okay to be selfish and get Sean a bf right???

Sigh this is a bad decision but OH A KISS OKSY- 😭 SORRY DANIELS MORALITY BUT I WANT ONE NICE THING FOR SEAN

"Secret girl talk" I'm gonna guess its about their fight about where to go next

Bbg tattoos don't hurt THAT bad my first tsttoo was on my finger

Oop i forgor to catalog but I was inching around like such a pest to find all the cameras and it took me like 45 min bc I kept rechecking 😭

Bro still came out after we opened the safe tho 😔 finn and Sean are down for the count and my DON GOT SHOT!!

Oh fuck wait SEANS EYE! HELLOW?!

Okay well obviously Sean's not dead but damn. My bad 😬

Choice overview: (bad quality bc im taking pictures of it on my phone instead of ssing it)

God ibremeber Cassidy being like "i can stand up for myself sea " like yea I know girlypop I'm just trying be supportive 😔

I only just found out I didn't need to get the haircut 😭 I COULDVE WENT TO BED WITH DANIEL??? FR??? GOD I WOULD HAVE I PROMY!

She can't be angry if she doesn't know ☝

Eugh boy 4 %.. it was that back camera right? That shitter just would not let me destroy it i had to reload twice

0%?? I mean I guess they just don't be shooting ppl, fair!

Guys why is he so mad at all of you?? 60% didn't help??? Crazy

The preview!! I knew he'd be fine. But also... toast? WHERES DANIEL- ERMM! ☝

Dunno when I'll continue again but tataa!

[cultkinkcoven]

hii!! im so so sorry if this is considered a weird question and by all means you can delete this/ect, but i wanted to ask: how do you know when your deity loves you? i know it may sound stupid and/or weird but i genuinely have so many issues trusting it.. my deity is very loving to me, hes never been mean to me, ignored me, or anything! and hes so understanding and stuff about everything i tell him, hes really the best deity i couldve asked for. but for some reason i still cant feel loved all the time/all the way. it may have something to do with the fact im aroace, havent done much (hardly any at all really) shadow work, the trauma, or something in between or even all of the above, but i want to trust it, i want to trust him. but the feeling comes rarely then fades almost as soon as i get it. i dont know if its a thing of maybe its because im in the closet about my practices due to it being unsafe to do it openly, or because me and my deity have only worked together for maybe a month or around 6-4 weeks, and i still need the time to feel associated with him & his energy, im unsure and its a little scary/invalidating :( i see so many other witches be so absolutely happy and set in stone with their love for their deities and the deities love for them, but i just cant? i really really know i love my deity and stuff, but, its all just so confusing and sad/aggravating. anyway, thank you for your time <33

(im sorry for the enormous dump haha)

Hi,

Thanks for asking!

Our relationship with our deities are very different to our relationships with humans in many ways, but in some ways they are also extremely similar. Maybe you’ve never been in a romantic relationship, but oftentimes even when we are with the person that we love and we’re 100% confident that they love us back with all their heart, we can still become nervous and wonder if our relationships are legitimate or “real”. This is something that can occur with any kind of relationship. It may have absolutely nothing to do with the actions of the other party and more to do with how we view ourselves. If we don’t think we are worthy to be in their presence we will often unfairly assume their negative opinion of us- even if they have done nothing to indicate that. It’s important to consider what circumstances in your life might have lead you to feel this way, chances are it has nothing to do with them.

In the context of Gods, they are funnily enough, without bodies. Which means that they can’t always be present in extremely obvious ways. You may find yourself getting anxious if a partner or friend doesn’t reach out for a few days, but that doesn’t at all mean that your friend or partner didn’t think about you at all during that time. There is this very common misconception in spiritual circles that devotees interact directly with their Gods every single day, that we can feel their influence at all times and that they are always super close to us- and that’s just not true.

In the case of Lucifer, I reach out to him at least once a day in some way, but I don’t always feel his overwhelming warmth and light all the time. In fact, sometimes I don’t feel anything and that’s just fine. My devotion is partially a gift to him but also a gift to myself, I don’t just do this so he’ll pop up and do a little dance for me lol, my love of worshipping is part of the deal.

For an entity like Jophiel who is an angel, I don’t necessarily even want to feel his presence all the time because he’s just a lot to deal with on a daily basis. In fact I only really interact with Jophiel directly once every few months if that. He probably wouldn’t be very pleased by frivolous interactions either- actually he’s just straight up told me he doesn’t like it lol. His presence is something that can always be found but isn’t always appropriate or necessary. That doesn’t at all mean that Jophiel and I have a weaker relationship by any means, rather that we are so confident in our relationship that we can handle the distance. I know that if I make a genuine call he will answer, and there are times he just happens to be closer to me for whatever reason. In the same way, sometimes he’s just farther away. Jophiel is pure love and I know he feels no ill will towards me, love shows itself in many ways, not just the ways that are the most obvious. If I admire a stranger or study the beauty of a snowflake, Jophiel will always be there.

Likewise with an entity like Faviel, he kind of just does what he wants. By his very nature he is a free flyer. Sometimes he literally does straight up ignore me and that’s okay too. Sometimes I can tell he’s around but actively declining my call. He knows the difference between my genuine need for him and my random passive curiosity. He’s not my pet so he doesn’t stand by my leg all the time.

I’ve seen some hellenic devotees express that some of their Gods feel farther away during certain seasons (Apollon in the winter for example) so they amp up their offerings and celebrations to welcome them back in the spring. Your deities’ absence is the time to think about them most. There’s no need to mourn that which hasn’t died.

I can’t tell you for a 100% fact whether any given God loves us in the same way we experience love- because some of them genuinely just don’t. In the same way that you’re aroace, some Gods genuinely just don’t care about those kinds of relationships with humans lol- but in those cases it is quite easy to tell. Sometimes that level of intimacy isn’t necessary for the work being done. And yes, sometimes a God will definitely just reject you (HERMES REJECTED ME AT FIRST CAN YOU BELIEVE!?!)

But if you already have experienced a genuine connection then worrying about that is of no benefit to you.

These entities don’t really just sit around and wait for us to text them lol, they are very busy and important spirits with roles and things they need to do just like we do. Faviel is a messenger, Lucifer is a King, Jophiel is a chief and archangel, I’m sure your God is the God of something pretty important too. These fellas got work to do!

If Lucifer got mad at me whenever I was doing anything other than worshipping him, he’d probably think I didn’t care very much about him either- which isn’t very fair!

In my relationship with Lucifer especially, confidence was of the utmost importance. Simply put, if Lucifer put no effort in and did nothing in response to my calls, I wouldn’t be his devotee. I know that sounds harsh but it was Lucifer himself that taught me that I am worthy of being in his space, he does respect me and love me and I needed to be 100% confident and aware of that before he took me on. He actually scolded me a few times for “begging” him to appear because it seemed pathetic and he does not work with pathetic people. When you make that call you should be confident in your audacity to do so, you are more than worthy of an answer, there is no need to beg or worry.

If I worried that Lucifer doesn’t care about me every time I didn’t feel his presence that would be a way of casting doubt onto him. I need to be confident in our relationship even when it isn’t abundantly clear. I need to be able to find the light even when I can’t see it.

So in your case, maybe the reason why that feeling of love fades so quickly for you because as soon as you start to notice it, you start to question it and wonder if it’s really there. And then of course it won’t be- because you’re no longer feeling it but analyzing it. The next time you have this feeling allow your mind to go quiet and just let it happen. Don’t worry about anything else, feel it and cherish it and you will eventually become familiar and confident in it.

You got this!

[jackie-whisperwind]

the long awaited piece of my pumpkin head wiz is here! if you dont know what im talking about or need a refresher, here is the link to the post!

i love this blorbo so much and there was soooo much more i couldve typed and went more in depth on but i was scared it was going to be way too long lol. but either way im so happy to put this out! and if you guys have any questions or just wanna talk about it feel free to send me a message or an ask! :)

I’ve been lost for sometime now. Wandering the spiral in search for a reason. Doesn’t really matter what exactly it is, I just need it. At least that’s what my heart tells me, still beating after all these years. Aching for the earlier days when times were simpler. When days were filled with discovery and wonder. Finding ancient civilizations deep underwater, helping a king back to his throne; it all seems so simple now.

The only thing I wish I never found was shadow magic. No one tells you what it can exactly do to you. They just tell you it’s dangerous and if not handled carefully can come back to bite you. And that’s the extent of what you get. A cautionary tale without anything to give it cause. Not until it happens to you do truly understand it. Clueless until you find a completely different being staring back at you. So disfigured you fall backwards out of horror, scurrying away like a cat chasing a mouse.

Forevermore after that you’re changed. Even if you came out mostly unscathed, your mind never works the same. The spiral seems much darker and dim than you initially thought. All the good times seem to fade quickly into obscurity when faced with the horror that was created from your own hands.

That’s how it was for a long time at least. A seemingly unending bout of despair where the only culprit was myself. Spiraling so deep that it makes The Hive seem bright and cheery. But in those moments, where you are at the bottom all alone, do you find the thing you needed most.

In my case, it was a pumpkin. It may seem silly, why would a regular Halloween pumpkin be my saving grace. But the absurdity of it and finding it all alone felt too fitting. Maybe we can journey together and find new purpose. Grow past what we were made to do, and do what we wanted to do.

So I don the pumpkin, not so much as a mask, but as starting anew. No longer am I “The Young Wizard”. I am just Colby.

[just-before-dawn]

ok big question im kinda wondering how did you came up with ur fanfic "Where the Streets have no name" and the inspos when it comes to writng the world and its characters

thank you for the question! im always willing to blurb out my thought processes haha.

i wanted to write a long fic because there really wasnt that many? (at the time when i came up with this) and i just really wanted to read a very good dramatic slowburn human au tuggoff fic but there weren't any out there, so i did the dirty work myself haha.

i actually came up with the story idea in 2022. this fic couldve been a VERY different story, but i still wanted it to be a dramatic, slice of life, school based, human au fic that features misto's magic as its main point. (the scene of tugger discovering misto's magic was the drive for me creating this whole fic). at first, they started out in an academy and all of the characters were dorming, but i realized it didnt fit well with misto's magic and the overall plot, so i turned it into the siblings having to attend public school.

the music was also a big factor for writing this fic. each chapter is a song. i try to relate the chapter plot to the song or vice versa. (thank you guardians of the galaxy for being my inspo to that). however the title is actually the one song i put most thought into because the lyrics relate to tugger and misto's personal goals so well. they are both beaten up from the life they have lived/are living. they want to escape this pain so badly, so they find it in each other and their love to find the peace they need, the healing they crave, the street that has no name.

i have a lot of inspos for the way i write tugger and misto. i took inspo from heartstopper, sasaki and miyano, boy meets world, and other series (that i cant really remember off of the top of my head) for the general vibes of the story. i always imagine this fic as a drama tv series haha. rogue and gambit from xmen are also now helping me write the tuggoff dynamics too. theres also sett and aphelios from league of legends who are also very similar to tugger and misto!

but tugger was really the main focus point for me. it was important for me to really draw out his character. i actually relate a little too well to tugger more than i expected, so i always enjoy writing in his pov. hes the perfect character who masks everything he's feeling, burying all of his vulnerable feelings in the ground until there's no more room. i get so much inspo for him from sean from boy meets world for the drama and from sasaki from sasaki and miyano for how he reacts to having a crush on someone. those two characters really helped me build up tugger's personality. his interaction with the world helped me write misto's interactions.

i also love writing misto, he's a very reserved character who sticks a lot to his thoughts, so writing his inner dialogue was the hitting point for me. my favorite thing was getting to his "oh" moment with tugger. the main question that helped me write misto's relationship with tugger was "what would be that tipping point for misto's heart to finally fall?" i also needed to think about how his powers isolate him from everyone else.

i have a chart and list for misto's powers and how his powers actually work (which i cannot reveal yet haha).

for writing the rest of the characters, i actually imagine their voices and how they would say certain things, then it helps me get their personality from that. munkustrap for me was always that older sibling figure who cares so much because he feels he has to and hes the only glue keeping the family together to prevent another tragic event from happening (big relate to that). victoria for me is that sister who wants the best for her brother, shes the one who understands misto well to even say his thoughts when he goes silent. she's full of that joy, purity, and innocence that grounds misto. bombalurina is the perfect best friend for tugger in a way that she knows him in such a deeper way (despite them never truly talking about their feelings). because she understands tugger, she can slap whatever thoughts out of him and whip him into shape. i chose tumblebrutus as misto's best friend because i just always liked the way the two danced with each other in the 1998 version (despite that role always going to pouncival), and i thought it would be great to develop that kind of relationship.

but i do in fact have a pinterest board for most of the characters. saving textposts, face claims, and aesthetics really help me imagine these characters better. they also helped me design these characters too.

ahhh i hope i answered your question well and i hope i didn't ramble too much, anon! i get so excited to talk about my fic haha. this story has been boiling my brain for 2 years now and the plans i have for it are so huge, i hope everyone is excited for them as i am.

[regryrth]

#drdtdevappreciation

Im so proud of how you all as a fandom handled this so well 💙 I know things are still pretty shaky in places and no one can rlly say this problem is “solved” or “forgiven” unless DRDT Dev specifically says so (which I dont mean to say they should or have to comment on anything, I know they mentioned theyre nervous and now uncomfortable interacting which I understand and accept responsibility for) But it really makes me happy to see how for the most part We’re turning something bad into appreciation. So for the fandom here. I appreciate all of you.

Even the ones who mightve gone too far. Just like me u had good or at least non malicious intent. Which turned out bad but there are still ppl who respectfully understand where youre coming from. Maybe its not wanted- But I appreciate and care for you too. I dont know how youre handling this all, But if its anything like how I did, I hope you understand nothing is ur fault just like how people have said it’s not entirely mine and not DRDT Devs. Even if it wasnt the best thing u couldve said in the moment. I understand u didnt want to harass anyone. It was a mistake made cause it’s human to act emotionaly have opinions and want to be understood with that. That can make ppl say and post things online that get deserved back-lash like I did. And the things u say can seriously hurt people like I did. I cant say how anyone else feels with everything thats happened But if Im right about everything so far. Its okay. To me at least which I guess isnt much. Even If u dont feel real remorse- You feel u were justified- But just dont want to be lectured in paregraphs over and over. Thats ok to me too. No one has to be completely justified in how they feel and it would be hyppocritical of me to say u do. And you shouldnt have to be looked at as any worse then the rest of us for stating your mind. Ur a great DRDT fan and person too and no one should claim any different for anyone. So while no one can throw around the word “forgive” for an incident that isnt ours to forgive- I “understand” u.

On a lighter note- The people who defended DRDT Dev without harassing anyone. U all acted so maturely in response to everything I honestly envy u a little. Does maturity and not making mistakes like these come one by one for you? When I make mistakes like this I feel like something with no real sense of right or wrong- Then I mess up and ppl come out to tell me where I went wrong and the “right” thing to do- And I piece together all the life lessons and “right” responses little by little until I feel safe with myself. Like a kintsugi piece. And like the cake in chapter 1! Did u have to do the same? I wonder if everyone experiences this. But thats not so relevant to appreciating you- So thank you for seeing every side. Even mine. Thank you for taking this whole situation and turning it into something good for everyone. We should talk about stuff like this more- While I still wish I hadnt posted that confession Im happy with whats been made of it- Even if the damage was still done. Because disrespecting and dehumanizing creators like DRDT Dev who put themselfs through so much to make wonderful content for us is never ok and to sweep it under the rug Like nothing ever happened is even worse. I know I requested the original post be deleted But Im ok with it being up on other blogs and posts because its important to hold stuff like this accountable and talk about it. And u guys did just that which is why Im so proud and thankful for u. This isnt a Thanksgiving dinner But u all deserve to be appreciated for doing good things too and supporting DRDT Dev.

And that brings me to who I appreciate the most- DRDT Dev. Everyone has said it so perfectly already I cant think of how to say it myself. But theyre so strong for going through all this. With their health. And going through and finding things like what I said. And other things none of us know about because they work to prioritize us over themself. And yet they still dont give up. They still keep going even with everything. They dont have to do this. But they do anyways and we should all appreciate them so much for that. Because sometimes we forget they and there team are human- I forgot that too. Doing things like my confession and taking their work for granted and other things is never ok. Im so happy we can do something to share our appreciation for DRDT, DRDT Dev and their team. Bad things and arguments and DRDT Dev being hurt by me had to happen first. I wish it didnt and that fandoms would give this much love and support to their creators without some incident happening first. But Im happy what happened let us appreciate the dev for there work now. And even if the DRDT Dev doesnt create side content anymore because of this- Its alright. They shouldnt have to push themselves past their boundaries or limits for us cause they already do so much. Even if we dont know much about them- We know enough to say theyre a wonderful person and we all love their content and them so much.

I know a lot of ppl apologized on my behalf and I suppose I wrote a longer apology to DRDT Dev and the fandom. But Ill say again as the anon themself- I am deeply sorry DRDT Dev for what I and others have said and done. I hope that you are well. And that youre able to see our appreciation through these posts.

I love you all 💙

[skeefy]

For me, Off was at its most popular during a time where I didn't even know what fandom was. When I was introduced to fandoms, my interests were not in areas that would easily bring the game to my attention. Around 2018-2019 I came across Off through Markiplier but some kind of disconnect happened somewhere. He didn't even make it out of Zone 0 before I just clicked out. It wasn't him personally, i couldve always found a different letsplayer, it was just the game. I added it to my watch later with the intent of getting back to it but I never did despite having to look at it every time I watched the other videos I placed there. Roughly two weeks ago I decided to clear out the clutter of my watch later and was presented with a choice. Watch Mark play Off or delete it. Given that I'm typing this message I think you know what choice I made. Off is an amazing game and I regret ignoring it for so long. Especially once I realized the quiet state of the fandom. The reason I say quiet not dead, the reason I wrote this whole thing actually is to express my thanks to you and the other active Off fans for holding down the fort so latecomers like myself can still enjoy what you've been enjoying all this time. Thank you, God bless

Hello dear, thank you for this message!

I was never interested in joining fandoms, but there were a few tiny exceptions, off being one.

In 2012-2013 I tried to join the fandom but it was very hard for me to express my interests plus some ppl called me a weirdo for liking Enoch, I tried to search other fans of him or of zone 3 and didn't find much (most was focused on batter or zacharie back then) so I thought "I will return here in the future when the game is thriving".

However I forgot about it so I ended up missing everything that happened when the fandom was at its prime ah ah ah!

Only 10 years later I decided I wanted to try participating in fandoms once again. Told myself I'd make things different in 2023 and so, I decided to share my off stuff to the internet!

Thank you for appreciating the game and the fandom, and for your interactions in it, which also contribute! I hope others see this because the fandom hasn't died thanks to many.

I am very happy you have enjoyed my stuff and others, and I am glad others as well as me have decided to share their work no matter how quiet the fandom may seem.

There are people out there writing fics, making art, making fan games, music and even animations so definitely not dead!

Thank you for taking the time to put your feelings and thoughts into words! I love reading what others are thinking and feeling <3

oh and to anyone reading this, don't be scared to reach other to other fans and talk or tell them how much you like their ideas and work. This year I've made so many wonderful and talented friends that I used to admire from far away and it's the best feeling in the world to have common interests that bring people closer

[rarepairnation]

I love your posts about Denethor and Faramir. I'm always glad to see someone who loves both him and Faramir and gets that Denethor being this hugely impressive tragic figure makes Faramir so much better and more interesting. The relationship between them is so complex and I love it so much. The film versions make me angry as well.

oh man thank you so much...i find it kinda crazy that you're saying this to me bc im pretty sure i have a bunch of posts from your denethor tag sitting around in my drafts so i can look back at them later. many days i feel very much like an Amateur Denethor Enjoyer but i am thrilled that me just kind of being unhinged on the dash has brought you joy. and get ready bc here i go again LOL

yeah exactly what you said...denethor's tragedy informs and is informed by faramir so so so much and it's just kind of wild to me that on the tragedy enjoyers website so many people refuse to see it. on the second-best enjoyers website...the guilt-and-despair enjoyers website...the "the unimaginable has happened and i AM going to kill people and then myself" enjoyers website...i could go on! he is literally doomed by the narrative and just goes well ok fuck you i WILL die at the end but it will NOT be in the way the narrative wants me to.

it is truly the relationship of all time. faramir does love his father and yet because of the strength of his principles he is genuinely incapable of showing it in a way that denethor can understand. and denethor loves him too but after a certain point just cannot show it anymore because duty has to take precedence. he's not allowed to give faramir any quarter even in private. and YES that includes anything that would resemble a normal emotion. ngl i wouldn't be surprised if that's the only way faramir is like. LETTING him communicate with him. like i feel like the final assault on osgiliath is not the first time faramir's taken the "if you want to get me to do something you ARE going to have to order me to do it" stance. and yet denethor tries. at the end he takes trying to an unhinged level. idk it often feels like even in the general fandom insistance on one-dimensionally dickish denethor there's somehow also a lack of understanding that it IS a toxic expression of love but that doesn't make it not love. like He's Not Winning Dad Of The Year that is not what we're saying at all. we're saying is "it was born of love. it was a terrible thing yet born of love." thats all! that's why it's so tragic because it's all about love!!! augh...

ok i don't typically put quotations from my own writing in like real posts but also ive been thinking about the faramir goes to rivendell au 24/7 and i just. HAVE to pull this line bc it kind of captures exactly how i feel about the denethor-and-faramir mutual Character Honing.

Yet he [Faramir] cannot deny that each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other, and it is a debt he loathes to owe and yet cannot hope to repay.

i mean.......like are you picking up what im putting down! like! AAA! both in-narrative and out of it they are always ALWAYS making each other better (or worse. but worse in a More Interesting Way) but AT WHAT COST!!! he loves his father he would not be the man he is today without his father both in a good and bad way he HATES that these two things are true. faramir and denethor are not foils they're parallels they build each other's characters up when you put them next to each other!! faramir is who denethor wouldve couldve been without the war!! hey hang on a second is denethor who faramir would've become if he were the lord steward during the war of the ring? (this is a little reductive i think faramir's susceptibility to despair is quite different to his father's. and i wonder how long his gentleness would've prevailed / worked side by side with his duty instead of being diametrically opposed to it. but anyway. well i'll be thinking about THAT for the rest of the night. i cannot start another au i cannot i cannot i cannot). anyway you can't get one of them without getting the other and that is all...

man i always say like oh don't get me started on movie faramir and denethor and then the don't think of an elephant effect GETS me and it gets me started. last night i genuinely said like "well i won't get into it" and then three hours later it was 2am and it was so very clear that i had Gotten Into It. i had to tell our other roommate like "tell me when ur going to bed i am talking about denethor and i will be yelling." my roommate just came home and i told her about this post and then i had to explain a detail and she SET ME A THREE MINUTE TIMER bc she was like i have to go study. and that's fair

anyway i hope you are having a good night/day/whatever time it is for you. thank you for this ask it is always fun to see you pop up in my notifs whenever im denethorposting lol

[sixosix]

I know it's been a while since Sleight of Hand was posted but I wanna ramble about something I noticed during a recent reread now that I have knowledge of 4.1 quests.

The raw panic he has when he catches up to the reader makes me think that it falls in line with how he acted in the fortress in regard to Freminet and Lynette: his family. Which is insane considering the short amount of time they know each other as compared to his family. This guy falls in love so fast and hard that he is the world record holder for those categories by a vast margin.

In both situations is the fact he is losing someone close, someone important; granted he is losing them in different ways. His family and the person he loves. Both times he is not composed/ hiding behind his act (or just barely) and is (or at least appears) to be almost single-minded driven to get them back. With his family, he was absolutely willing to go up against the Duke to fight for them back (granted he could have just accepted the deal to contact the Knave but that's a whole different thing about Lyney shhhh) and with reader he ran frantically across the city just for the slim chance he may be able to make it before they leave. That uncertainty/unclear target to focus on (unlike the duke who he could focus on fighting/stopping/convincing, not to mention he may be in a mission mindset as well) may even be a reason why he is so panicked and frantic as compared to what happens in the Fortress. Not to mention the whole falling in love thing prob isn't something he does often, so that's a whole new variable thrown into the equation.

Not only does this new connection make me giggle because wow look at this man speed run falling in love but also makes me wonder what his thoughts could have been when he found the empty room and even as he was trying to catch reader before it was too late. He is smart, so he absolutely figured out the truth but was his first thought wildly off course? Did he assume the worst(hurt in some way) due to what he had seen as part of the Fatui and his past? Did he have an instant rush of relief knowing he made it in time? Was he even calm enough to try to string together a few ideas of what to do if he made it as he was running? Or did he come tunnel-focused with the singular goal of just 'find them'? It's interesting to think about.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

i havent played the latest archon quest myself and only learned the lore secondhand so i havent rlly thought about it? honestly i wrote that long fic barely knowing ANYTHING about lyney and how he handles situations—it felt like i was just guessing everything and my only clues were a dialogue or two LMFAO

but this is so interesting to think about!!! my intention with ‘ lyney visiting an empty room ‘ was that he walks in there like a kicked puppy and comes out frantic and wild. he is very smart and hes definitely remembered you insisting that you never planned on staying so he pieced it together immediately

and yes youre ABSOLUTELY right. the reason why hes so frantic and all over the place when he caught up to you was because he didnt even know if you were still there, if he didnt make it in time. the entire time he was thinking ‘no no no please’ he was not at all calm while running lol. his mind would have most likely blanked when he saw you still there and he couldve just dropped on the floor in relief

“the whole falling in love thing prob isnt something he does often” YEAH EXACTLY!!! i see lyney as a romantic but in that fic i like to think hes never been infatuated in that way ever before and it snowballed into something wayyy more when u started getting close

ITS SO JNTERESTING to think abouut the connections youve made WOW thank you so so much for sharing im always down to hear your thoughts!!!!

[foilflingza]

gwaa words of a grieving thing

i seriously cant believe i lost the person who i was closest to. maybe not in the last year and a half, but she knew things about me no one else did. she was my best friend once. i wish she didnt hurt me, because i couldve been best friends with her until she died.

im trying so fucking hard not to beat myself up for how i treated her in the end. i shouldve had more respect for someone that i was so close to. i was valid in how i felt, but not in how i acted.

and now youre dead and we'll never be able to make ammends. we would have drifted in each other's paths again. we really would have.

i know you had more to say to me, too. theres so much unspoken that you took with you. im really scared to ask your recent close friends how you truly felt about me, and im not sure if I'll ever try to find out.

i thought about you a lot still. i really did. negative shit, yes, but thats still thoughts. i still cared about you so, so much. i missed you a lot in life. i ghosted you because i didnt trust you. i was so scared of our rocky relationship fucking with me discovering myself. i dont hate you. i never did.

you really changed my life and shaped so much of who i am today. i was on call with gavin last night, and i just kept thinking about how similar he can be to you. hes very different overall, but i really do have a type still LOL his hair is so much like your's, and he has a similar smile that envokes sunshine. you really were so beautiful

so much of how we joke is how you and i used to joke. i know i developed that and attracted him with it because of you. i would not be able to love him today if not for you.

i literally moved states to live with you 5 1/2 years ago, and im still here. i have a whole life here because of you. no one has changed me as much as you. i just cant emphasize that enough. everyone is grieving you so hard, you are so goddamn loved.

one time, i took edibles and became convinced she was an angel coming down to earth to save me. i was nieve as fuck for thinking that, but i wonder if you are an angel now. your life was short and tragic, a bright light snuffed by abuse and self-hatred. if anyone deserves to be given a 2nd chance in the afterlife, its you. i dont know if i believe in angels, but thoughts like that make me feel better. i do believe in reincarnation, even in a non-literal way. i truly believe we will meet again and love each other properly.

we were both so wrapped up in our own heads that we couldnt stop and consider the other person. i wish we had clear enough heads to love each other. we still wouldnt have been good lovers, but we couldve been best friends. i knew you for so long... all of this is so shocking and hard to swallow. i dont know what to do, really. im still trying to get my appetite back. i was finally putting on some weight. My belly is back to being flat as a board 😭

this ended up being really long. i just wish i could talk to her one more time. i keep hoping shes just gonna come back and go "GOTCHA!!!" so i can yell at her for how dumb she is while crying on her shoulder. i never thought id want to hold her again, yet here i am.

id do anything for you to read this rant, too. you were still such an anchor for me, and i was living for you still. i kept hoping id run into you, or shay would finally convince me to hit you up. i may have cut you out, but i never truly detatched myself from you mentally. i cant believe this is what made me realize and embrace that. im opening up all these memories of you, and it feels like i know you again. id do anything to text you and have you reply some dumb shit. we could laugh about shit, and let our angers dissolve as we look at each other and realize we were dumb as hell for beefing at all. we had so many moments like that, and those moments are what kept me coming back to you.

i guess ill end this here, i should probably get out of my head and take care of myself. i know this wont be the last rant i go on about this. idk if anyone will read any of this, but its fine. i dont really care either way. this blog is like a diary to me.

btw, i also met this person on tumblr and our really early interactions can be found on my blog. its just so baffling how long we knew each other

[bloodluvrr]

recently, i ran into my ex's mother and sister. it was kind of a shock because i hadn't seen them in over 2 years... yet it wasn't too awkward. i applaud myself now for dressing up all nice and wearing my brand new black boots with my hair tightly pulled back into a diva-ish bun.. but enough of me. seriously.

later during the week his sister reached out to me and began talking to me. spreading information that i supposed my ex thought of as sacred and confidential. she told me that he still loves me and broke up with his girlfriend. while she left the explanation for the breakup ambigous she made it seem as if the knowledge that i was grown up and beautiful whilst simeaultonsly being single was enough for him to break the restraints of his one year relationship.

i offered her vague replies in hopes she wouldn't be able to twist my words into me seeming like i was also still in love with him. later during that week he texted me. still has my phone number saved. i still had his contact saved. is this a sign from the universe? no. he texts me inviting me for breakfast after some small talk.

so for the past week i have been listening to the songs he purposefully posts on his instagram to signal he still thinks about me. some examples being starting over by lsd and the search for god and last goodbye by jeff buckley.

i couldnt help but wonder though, how could he still be in love with me after all these years? i haven't seen or talked to him in a whole year. before that we had been broken up for about a year and a half. everything was strictly friendly. how could i possibly still be a lingering thought when to me i had moved on from the relationship completely and never caught myself yearning for him or reminiscing on the past.

so to help figure out what it is i couldve done i began thinking. was it a signature perfume? did i have amazing kissing skills? was it just that i was his first love? well.. to find these answers i went through my memory boxes, my old photos, my old spam insta. anything that had any remnants of my past with him i looked through and sat staring dumbfounded trying to find clues as to how i could have planted a seed so strong in his mind that he would break up with his girlfriend of one year for... presumbaly.. me.

was it the polaroid picture he took of my breasts that i dont know what the hell he did with? was it the elusive act that i gave off after our break up? like when he asked for a hug before going on a week long cruise and i refused it? when he bought me bracelet after we had broken up and i kissed him just because? when he asked if he could follow me on instagram to catch up with me and i declined? what was it?

and after all the searching and reading until my eyes became crossed i think i came to understand it. after our relationship we didnt go no contact like everyone advises. hell, i came across a photo of us sitting in my bed whilst we were broken up. i mean what the hell who does that? he so obviously still wanted to be with me, i was the one who broke up with him twice before committing on the third.

i think i knew i was stringing him along because i knew i would probably never find a man who loved me that much. was it selfish, yes? but what's even more selfish is keeping somebody who you clearly dont love back the same amount. it would be evil. so i did the next worst thing. i allowed him to still be in my life. somebody i relied on. and i guess it gave him just enough hope to think he would forever and always be somebody i would open my arms to. and he's partly right...

the more that i go through our memories i come to understand i was playing chess with him trying to capture his heart forever just to say i had while he was trying to play to capture me in his life forever.

i am an evil, selfish, conniving bitch. and i think he loves it.

[manvsdiary]

just realizing that the only human contact ive had in the last 24 hours is when my ex-situationship dmed me a coulple of videos a week after we had mutually decided to take some time apart.

and am i really wondering “why am i ruminating on those? am i really dwelling on those despite telling myself that i wouldnt? when i decided that sending memes is something one can do with really very little thought but that could be endlessly mined for hidden meanings?”

i mean, im still not going to make any conclusions based off of it. if its an admission of some of her feelings, then really it does need to be expressed in her own words for me to take it in as something genuine. but for all i know it couldve just been muscle memory, a slipup. perhaps even facilitated by her getting on the drink yesterday night. which maybe is what happened, i can’t say either this way or the other, i just hope she’s doing well. or that she found them later on today and used that to recommit to her attempt at sobriety.

im not going to make any conclusions. although she does probably find it hard to admit feelings, it’s stilll something that has to be done truly and honestly if she means to do it. it cant be done through this non-verbal fashion. it’s well enough time that i keep that as an expectation. that if you mean to reopen the doors between us, then it cant just be hinted at, cant just be done in the least vulnerable way possible.