#and i feel like this topic is so important

[jamesthedigidestined]

Here’s some for men too! Unfortunately some are more unisex than male-focused, but its still useful:

Hats

Shirts

Pants

Shoes

Additionally, know what you need in clothes. While men are less likely to fall for “fast fashion” trends, we are still likely to feel the effects (and we have a habit of buying cheap meme shirts that wear out too fast). I can mostly talk about this from a work perspective, but it goes for everyone buying clothes. Specifically though:

Spend a little extra and buy clothes that will last. Thrift stores, as mentioned, are a great way to get good clothes for cheap, but beware Goodwill price gouging, it isn’t always cheaper. Ideally look for local thrift stores.

Importance of price in clothes, I would say is like this:

Shoes

Pants

Jackets/Coats

Shirts

My reasoning being that shoes, and to a lesser degree pants, are constantly exposed to the elements to protect *you* from said elements, so having a good pair of tennis shoes and jeans will help a lot. Jackets and coats are similar, but are seasonal and potentially regional. Shirts (outside of a work environment) are the least protective element of clothes, and thinner shirts will last most people fine enough.

However while inside of a work environment buy natural fabrics (ideally 100% cotton) if you’re doing ANYTHING with flames. Cotton is very heat resistant, and when it does burn it actually burns, while synthetics melt *to* your skin. Ever hear of clothes fusing with people during fires? That’s why.

However, synthetics break down less than cotton, so typically blends/synthetics are better for longevity (assuming they feel nice to you, personally I’m not a fan of full synthetic).

When you spend a good bit of money on shoes, go find your local cobbler. Finding the right fitting shoes, ones that support your feet well, is worth its weight in gold, and a cobbler will help make that purchase worth it. When the soles wear down call up a cobbler to fix them, doubly so for expensive work boots. Consider insoles if you feel feet pain with your current shoes, even cheapo insoles help a lot.

And while this is an entire topic in itself, common knowledge dictates that for shirts, pants, etc it’s best to wash & dry in cooler temperatures and slower speeds, particularly for the dryer. The tumbling motion puts a lot of stress on fabric and hang-drying/low tumbling speed can help reduce both electricity bill and wear on your clothes. Always heat sterilize your underwear and socks though, they’re cheaper sacrificial layers after all. And as a man, I’m sure I don’t need to tell women how to wash their underwear. However, for fellow men out there, please talk with the women of the house and read some sources like this or this before doing anything with their delicates, otherwise you will die a (justifiably) slow and horrible death.

i dont consider myself a 'fashion guru' by any means but one thing i will say is guys you dont need to know the specific brand an item you like is - you need to know what the item is called. very rarely does a brand matter, but knowing that pair of pants is called 'cargo' vs 'boot cut' or the names of dress styles is going to help you find clothes you like WAAAYYYY faster than brand shopping

[dashing-disaster]

Bad Beer and Naked Rodents

Thank you @xmidhel for beta reading!

also on AO3

“You know,” Sal drawls, twisting the cap off another beer and handing it over, “for someone with an above average IQ, you’re dense as fuck.”

Tommy glares but accepts the bottle without protest. It’s his third. He takes a long sip and shudders. Bud Light. Why did Sal have to be such a fucking stereotype? But he was too tired to complain. He was too tired to do much of anything right now.

“He’s not wrong,” Lucy said to his left and Tommy directed his glare towards her instead. Like Sal, she wasn’t impressed.

“What? You know it’s true. There you are, genuinely happy for the first time in…” she pauses to think, “for the first time since I met you, actually.”

“Ever” Tommy supplies miserably, sinking further into the couch cushions. Something pokes into his right kidney and he reaches underneath himself, pulling out a small doll with messy blue hair, a pink ruffled dress and a … horn?

“Unicorn Barbie,” Sal exclaims and snags the doll from his hand. “Thanks man, you just saved this household a lot of sweat and tears. Look, babe, he found her!”

“Uncle Tommy to the rescue,” Gina says dryly, without even looking up from her laptop where she’s furiously typing some email that’s probably important and Tommy feels a pang of guilt at intruding on her peace and quiet unannounced at 9pm on a week day, Lucy in tow. He’s unable to dwell on it, however, because Lucy pipes up again.

“Let’s circle back here for a moment, your life was going great, you were happy, your hair was even starting to look good-“

“Hey!”

“Don’t interrupt me, Thomas. My point is, you got scared of commitment for three seconds and tell Evan Buckley, Evan Buckley, to go off to frolic on Grindr? I’m sorry, but do you know how stupid that is? Do you have any idea what happens to guys like Evan Buckley on Grindr?”

“Say his name like that one more time and I swear to God.” It comes out with far more venom than intended and he cringes internally. Why does he have to be such a bitch? It’s a credit to their love for him that none of his friends even bat an eye.

They’re not gentle either, and Tommy’s kind of glad about it. He doesn’t deserve gentle. Not now, maybe not ever again.

“What happens to guys like him on Grindr,” Sal asks curiously and then frowns. “And what do you know about Grindr?”

“My cousin wanted to try it out but he’s super paranoid about technology stealing his data, man’s still got a Nokia. So we set up his profile on my phone. He decided it wasn’t for him 10 minutes in but I kept the app and sometimes I go window shopping when downtime gets too long.”

“Why am I not surprised in the slightest,” Tommy mutters into his beer. Lucy is undeterred.

“Anyway, Gabe’s no hag either and similarly baby-faced as Buck so every time I open the app they’re on him in minutes. Seriously, it’s like The Walking Dead and some of the messages I get are borderline illegal. And don’t get me started on the dick pics. They’re not even nice-looking dicks most of the time.”

“Is there such a thing as a nice-looking dick? I’ve always found they all look a little like mole-rats.”

Sal, who’s been fiddling with Unicorn Barbie’s hair in a futile attempt to get out some of the knots pauses and makes a pitiful little sound staring wide-eyed at his wife who’s still neither looking up from her screen, nor is she pausing her aggressive typing, and Tommy’s both impressed and a little scared of that level of multi-tasking.

“Don’t worry, bud, Gi loves your dick. You’ve got three little monsters to prove it.”

Sal shoots Lucy a look so dirty Tommy almost laughs.

“I love the man attached to it. It’s still a mole-rat, though.” A beat of silence, then Gina looks up from her laptop for the first time in two hours, finding her husband’s eyes across the coffee table. “I love mole-rats.”

Lucy snorts, but Sal looks so pleased even Tommy has to smile.

“Still, though,” Lucy picks up the previous topic again, “are we sure it’s a good idea to throw Buck into a world of mole-rats and creepy old dudes wanting him to call them ‘daddy’?”

Tommy decidedly does not look in Sal’s direction. He loves Lucy and Gina but this is a topic one only discusses with one’s very best of friends.

“A world of disappointment, more like. Buck’s had Tommy now, anything else will just be a let-down.” The dirty grin spreading on Sal’s face tells Tommy he’s about to be in trouble. And he’s right.

“We didn’t call my boy here Nine-Inch-Nail in high school for nothin’.”

“Okay, first of all, that is such a lie,” the grin goes impossibly wider, “and second, I am not 9 inches, okay?”

Three sets of eyes wander down to his crotch and if it wasn’t these exact three people, Tommy would be so uncomfortable right now. As it is, he simply huffs and shoves a throw pillow into his lap, crossing his arms like a petulant toddler.

“I’m 8.6.”

Silence.

Then all three of them burst out laughing. He tries to hold on to his petulance, but he only lasts about ten seconds before the corners of his mouth begin to twitch and he finds himself joining in against all odds.

“As I was saying,” Sal hiccups after they’ve all calmed down again, “Buck doesn’t need any other mens’ mole-rats. He only needs Tommy’s giant mole-rat.”

Tommy groans.

“God, I hate you.”

Half past midnight Gina pulls the plug and throws them out. Sal tries to offer him the guest room, but he declines. As much as he loves his best friend’s daughters, he doubts he’ll can be Fun Uncle Tommy in the morning and he hates disappointing them.

As they wait for their Uber to pull up, Tommy feels strong fingers wrap around his wrist and a moment later he’s pulled into a tight hug.

“Don’t fuck up your life like that, Tom, not again. You were finally so happy. And I like you happy. ” Sal’s voice is quiet next to his ear, but there’s a softness to it that is usually reserved for his daughters. Tommy feels his throat close up and he buries his face into Sal’s shoulder.

“I just don’t know how not to, Sallie,” he admits and hates how forlorn it sounds.

How forlorn he feels.

“You trust him. I know it’s the most terrifying thing to do, believe me I do. But you gotta.”

Sal pulls back to catch his eyes, but keeps hold of Tommy’s shoulders.

“This man is the best thing that’s ever happened to you, Tom, and if you give up on what you have now, you will regret it for the rest of your life. But in order to keep it, you need to let him in and you need to trust him to know what he wants. It’s not your place to decide that for him.

And I know you want to let him set the pace, but you can only do that as long as you’re able to keep up. This relationship is about the both of you and if things are moving too fast, you have to tell him that. It’s not fair to either of you if you don’t.

And Tommy, you have to talk to him about your shit.”

Tommy opens his mouth to protest but Sal shuts him up with a shake of his head.

“No buts. Buck isn’t stupid. Do you really think he hasn’t clocked by now that you have trauma? I’m not saying you gotta tell him all of it at once. But you need to start somewhere.”

Sal pulls him back in roughly and presses a kiss to his temple.

 “I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you. He wants to take care of your heart so badly. Let him. Let him love you. All of you.

And if it all goes to shit anyway, you know that I’ll be right here. I always will be.”

Tommy bursts into tears.

It’s 3am when he finally finds himself knocking at the same door he closed behind himself for what he thought would be the last time less than ten hours ago.

It’s telling that it takes Evan just under half a minute to open it. It’s more telling that his eyes are red-rimmed, and he’s still wearing the same clothes.

Evan’s terrible at hiding his emotions, doesn’t even try to most of the time. It’s one of the many things Tommy loves about him.

Right now, he seems to experience all of them at the same time.

Hope, when he opens the door. Relief, when his eyes fall on Tommy in the hallway.

Hurt, anger, fear, concern, fondness, and finally back to hope.

He’s silent. Waiting.

Tommy takes a breath.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

They look at each other, the insecurity and fear hanging between them like a cloud of vapor, so thick Tommy can almost taste it.

But there’s something else, too. Smaller, more fragile, and yet persistent like a moth chasing the light.

It’s the same thing Tommy’s seen in Evan’s eyes earlier.

Hope.

For a time, neither of them moves, as if they’re scared, that if they do it’ll spook and leave them alone in the dark again.

A minute passes. Two.

Somewhere in the building a baby begins to cry.

Evan steps aside.

[readwebcomicsgdi]

Hey that's really cool!! I don't have anything fancy prepared but it really means a lot to me that anybody cares about a project promoting Webcomics On Their Own Terms in 2024.

Owning our own spaces is only going to get more important as time goes on, I think, so I'll take this opportunity to say that if an independent project means something to you, or soothes you when things are tough, make an effort to support it in whatever small way you can manage! Webcomic artists are building communities, essentially, and given the topics we tend to write about I feel those communities have the potential to do a lot of good in ways mainstream media can't. It tends to look more like clawing space out with our bare hands these days, but we want to build a refuge where you can come catch your breath; how well we're able to do that depends entirely on whether folks show up for it!

Hope you're all well, thanks for tuning in!

[olderthannetfic]

I have conflicted feelings about the whole "copeganda" thing. On the one hand of course police procedurals have problems, portray cops of the good guys, etc. show rule breaking to get the "bad guy" as valid. i do see the problem there.

But on the other hand it feels like anti logic to say "you enjoyed x tv show so clearly you condone real world atrocities, you horrible person." And then you see people claiming that sam vimes or ACD Sherlock holmes are copeganda. or that fans watching a show where their fav actor plays a police officer are clearly racist. Or that all little kids who like paw patrol are somehow suspect or corrupted. And I worry we've lost the plot to another x media / depicting x is unredeemable crusade rather than trying to be mindful of the biases and messages in media.

Idk. Thoughts?

--

Copaganda is dangerous because it's a staple of CBS prime time et al. It tends to do things like make Internal Affairs evil in all cases. Even when you get the rare IA character who was arguably good for like 6 seasons or something, they'll still go evil for drama late in a show's run. (CSI: Miami, I'm looking at you.)

This is media with a massive reach that almost always reinforces a host of already extremely common social values, so it's going to be extra impactful relative to something like House of the Dragon incest.

We had some discussion here in the past about the measurable real world effect of B99 on people's opinions of the real NYPD. I'm much more willing to entertain people's fears about media when there are measurable effects and the audience size is large. I don't think we should ban cop shows, but there's a reason I like Miami Vice so much: it's noir, so everyone is horrible, including the authorities. While it was still extremely establishment-y, it managed to question the system a lot more than most of these simply by virtue of being a much darker show.

Mystery genre of various types isn't going away. It's a genre that really is copeganda: It's about social order being restored and making the world make sense.

We can be aware of some of the more insidious messages and push back against them though. It's like the torture thing: a lot of media wants to argue about whether the ends justify the means, but that whole complex philosophical can of worms is irrelevant since torture doesn't produce useful results in the first place.

Copaganda tends to not only make cops seem cool but portray villains stereotypically, demonize the important work of investigating cops themselves, justify police brutality, etc. There are a lot of specific problems that do not have to exist in media about cops solving mysteries. These are choices that mainstream US tv is making.

--

One thing I will say though... Mystery as a genre, including the worst of US cop shows, has often been far ahead of sff in diversity and even exploring contentious social topics. Geeks tend to think sff is so ahead of its time, but it's often pretty stick-in-the-mud compared to crime stuff. (Cue all the individual examples where it's the opposite way. Haha.)

[shizucheese]

So...Him using "western" names here and kinda taking things from a "western" context doesn't bother me so much because it's intended for a Western audience. It's important to be mindful of the fact that when you are speaking to a particular group about something you need to speak their language, specially if you are trying to educate those people about a particular topic. It's no different than calling it "Passover" vs. "Pesach." People outside of the Jewish community are going to have a way easier time connecting to what you're saying if you refer to it by the first name vs. the second. It's easy to take for granted that things that were normal or common knowledge for us isn't necessarily normal or common knowledge for people who didn't grow up within our culture (and this applies to anyone, especially people who grew up within a minority group, not just Jewish people). I grew up in a mixed secularish-religious family (I got Chanukah and Christmas and Pesach and Easter), and the Catholic school I attended made a point of teaching about other religions, including at least one year where we had a Seder during class. It wasn't until I was an adult and outside of the bubble I had grown up in that I came to realize and appreciate the fact that I had friends who hadn't grown up under the same circumstances and had no idea what a Seder even was. All of this to say: I don't think using western names that westerners would be familiar with, when westerners are the intended audience, is as important as you make it out to be, and being upset about it honestly feels like it distracts from the bigger issue that Hank Green made a video about Judaism and didn't consult a single Jewish person/ include any Jewish sources. Because it points to one of two possibilities that imo are equally worrying. Either 1) they singled out the Judaism video as the one time they didn't include sources/ voices from within the religion/ culture, or 2) they never include voices from within the religion or culture they're making a video about, and they're equal opportunity when it comes to trying to "educate" people about religions or cultures they are not a part of without including sources or voices from within those religions/ cultures. I'm not sure which is worse/ more worrying, honestly.

Remember folks: the best source is a primary source!

So, the other day, Crash Course uploaded a video in their Religions series, about Judaism. Now, I haven't watched any video other than this one, but if this one is any metric to measure by.... well, it's bad. Really bad.

To start, the introduction starts with "shabbat toothbrushes", where John Green describes to us how (some) jews will brush their teeth on shabbat, while ensuring to not break any of the melachot, or prohibited actions. This, in my opinion, as an orthodox jew, is.... quite a framing to start with. Especially since immediately after that introduction, John Green let's us know that there are other jews! who don't do this! and just... sir, I'm an orthodox jew. Sure, I don't do follow that rule on the shabbat- sorry, the sabbath which you then explain is the shabbat to jews (the word Sabbath comes from the hebrew Shabbat), but I follow a lot of rules that folks find strange! And I do not appreciate a video talking about jews sidelining orthodox jews. Framing the video in that way is clearly an attempt to make Jews seem more "mainstream", but it erases, estranges, and (this happens more later on) villifies orthodox jews. Which isn't fair.

But we just started this 13 minute video. At this point last night, I sighed and figured this was going to be just your regular old "Orthodox Jews are strange and bad" sort of video, and resigned myself to that. And then I looked at the sections of the video. One of which included Zionism in it. And I immediately got more worried, because John and Hank donated through Project For Awesome to UNWRA which are.... very linked to Hamas, including there being evidence of UNWRA employees participating in the Oct. 7th Massacre. But okay. Maybe this video will be fine.

Spoiler alert: It wasn't. It was so incredibly bad. John Green admits at the start of the video that Judaism is complex, great! Now explain tha complexity correctly! no. So he starts off his history with... Ya'akov Avinu, sorry- Jacob. Who's a descendant of Avraham Avinu, sorry- Abraham (John uses the english names and not the hebrew one and it just bothers me). Which like... no, Jewish history starts with Eretz Yisrael, the land of Israel. In addition, a large majority of his sources are non jewish sources which is just. Why. There are so many jewish sources on Judaism!

As this is getting long, I'm gonna put a tl;dr here and then a read more cut. The tl;dr is this - the video is a horrendously western view of Judaism video, that seems to be written by non-jews who don't have any expertise in Judaism. It is filled with misrepresentation of jews, especially religious ones, is severely lacking pretty much all of jewish history, doesn't mention MENA/SWANA jews at all, and is quite frankly a disappointment. I'm mad and sad and upset and most of all disappointed with crash course for creating this video.

Still with me? great. I'm wordy and I have twelve minutes of this video to go through still. To make this a bit more organized, I'm gonna go according to the sections that John Green himself gave, and give a summary of what he said and what is wrong or misrepresented there.

The Many Versions of Judaism (aka, somehow not our history nor our story) there are a few things wrong/upsetting here. First off, as I said above, the fact that he uses the English names. Second off, the fact that he, bafflingly, starts the story with Ya'akov getting the name Yisrael, aka when Ya'akov fights with the angel. John then takes this to explain that Jews today still wrestle with Hashem in our own way, but in a... shall I say tumblr style reductionist way. Y'know, the "jews shake lemon at gd angrily behind a denny's" way. This chapter is the only one that will ever mention the ancient Israelites, and never the tie to the land of Israel itself. In addition to this, he describes Judaism as monotheistic, but that "half of religious jews today believe in some other spiritual force, and not the gd of the Hebrew Bible" which had me going what in the what. Just. No. like, sure, i'm a vaguely agnostic-atheist religious jew and uh, no? And I found his source, and well, if I had to guess - the jews who responded assumed that the god they were being asked about was the one in the xtian bible - and so answered no, while John assumed said jews meant the gd of the tanakh, aka hashem. Third, his "devil's advocate" scene is just. Once again, putting down Orthodox Jews, and compares without change Jewish Religious Institutions with Xtian ones. To quote "for a lot of jews, it's more about action than faith", I'd argue, personally, that that line is correct for most jews, as our religion is not really one of belief (orthodoxy) but of action (orthopraxy). And also, I'll paraphrase "many jewish people consider following Jewish law to be the most important thing" yes! yes we do! and not just many, most, that's! the whole! shtick! for us!! (and yes i'm aware this is a simplification). He also manages to vaguely describe Judaism as an ethnicity, and explain that some Jews are connected to the ancestral history (without explaining what that is, no connection to Israel here no sirree), which I guess is fine-ish? (it does not)

The Written Torah So here he starts off with saying that we'll focus on the torah and not the tanakh, as the torah is how we jews conceptualize our relationship to gd and each other. Except that... we also use the rest of the Tanakh for that! (minor kudos to him for saying that the tanakh was written by the ancient israelites. Just no mention of why there were ancient israelites and then we had to come back). The torah gives us most of our rules, but the tanakh expands on them, and teaches us how we choose to treat hashem, how we treat each other. When Jews say the written torah, we do oftentimes also mean the rest of the tanakh. Frankly, going through his sources, I can't figure out what source he used for this claim, except that he uses a lot of non-jewish sources (like the britannica), and very few Jewish ones which is just... why, you can clearly see these jewish sources exist, why not use them? I understand that this is meant to be lighthearted, but he compares the five books of the torah to seasons of friends, which is kinda eeeh. And added to that, his descriptor for bamidbar or numbers is "the ancient israelites wander and suffer through the wilderness" (paraphrased). First off, it was the desert, and second off this is exactly where in the torah we get all of the mitzvot and how to treat each other and hashem. This is it!! why name the book/"season" wrong?? He then continues and talks about how the themes of exile and return are common in the torah, and continue to resonate today, and yet doesn't... explain... the history of us being exiled. Instead, we take a tangent into antisemitism, specifically the plague related kind. Which... fine, I know he's got a liking for that aspect of history, but there's so much more. Of course, he also mentions that the Pope was one of the influential people who pushed back against it and... just... sigh. We're talking the catholic church here. The same catholic church WHO BLAMED JEWS FOR KILLING JESUS TILL THE NINETEEN SIXTIES. If the pope pushed back against it, it was because us jews had more value alive, not because he thought we had inherent value as people. Of course, since we're talking antisemitism, John only talks about xtian antisemitism. The "happy dhimmi" myth is alive and kicking in this video, as there is absolutely no mention of antisemitism within the non-western world. IN ADDITION, by framing the antisemitism the way he did - that the "dumb europeans" attacked the jews but their religious leaders were against it, John inadvertently erases antisemitism by non religious people, and by religious leaders. Both of which are and were alive and well.

Zionism (aka, I had to put this in here otherwise the tankies would yell at me, and I made a mess of it) And then we have this digression, which makes zero sense in the context of the story John is attempting to tell, into Zionism. There is no reason for it, and if it had to be in the video, it should have, quite frankly, gone in at the end. But that is only the start of the woes that I have to say on this section. To start, the amount of sources here are negligeble as compared to the other sections (note the numbers, all previous sources were for the other two sections)

48. Encyclopaedia Britannica | Zionism 49. University of Michigan | Zionism  50. Ben-Israel, Hedva. “Zionism and European Nationalisms: Comparative Aspects.” Israel Studies 8, no. 1 (2003): 91–104. 51. Ghanem, As’ad. “Israel’s Second-Class Citizens: Arabs in Israel and the Struggle for Equal Rights.” Foreign Affairs 95, no. 4 (2016): 37–42. 52. Halpern, Ben (2004) [1990]. "The Rise and Reception of Zionism in the Nineteenth Century". In Goldscheider, Calvin; Neusner, Jacob (eds.). Social Foundations of Judaism (2nd ed.). Eugene, Or: Wipf and Stock Publ. pp. 94–113. 53. American-Israeli Cooperative Enterprise| Zionism: Anti-Zionism Among Jews

[copied from the source sheet]

I haven't read the sources, so I'm not going to talk about them, but the fact that only half of the sources seem to have been written by jews is... not great. At all. And then there's how John introduces and talks about the topic. John compares the themes of exile and return in the Torah and Tanakh to the narrative told by Zionists, and mentions Zionism being a political movement. All of this is correct. However, what John is very obviously missing here is the history of Jews within the land of Israel. He talks about how we wanted a state for Jews run by Jews, but doesn't explain that we wanted it in the land where we came from, a land where we have mitzvot, commandments, that are specific to it. A land that our holidays and calendar center. The fact that this is missing is one of the glaring issues in the whole video. He also mentions that Zionism views Judaism as a nationality, which is true. Judaism is viewed as a nationality in the modern sense through Zionism, but it's also a nationality, or nation, in the older sense, regardless of Zionism. In addition to that, while Zionism is the idea of having a Jewish run state for Jews, it does not preclude the existence of other, nonjewish, people in this state. Which is important for the next bit. He then adds that, quote "this is complicated for lots of geopolitical reasons, but suffice it to say, Jewish people are not the only people with roots or a current presence in the modern state of Israel." Which, I guess does mention our roots in the land, but it also completely flattens the whole story into, what feels to me, "Jews Zionists bad for wanting a state because there are other people". He then mentions the Druze and Xtian and Muslim Palestinians, which is fair but also why specifically the Druze? And if the Druze, why not also the Bedouin? Both are minority groups within Israel, and if you want to talk about minority groups, the Bedouin are equally as important for this discussion! (another friend later pointed out that the likely reason is that the pbs source John uses mentions the Druze (but as muslims, and not as their own religious group which. sigh. Druze are not Muslim), but not the Bedouin. And of course, we get a "not all jews support the zionist movement, but many do" yeah. a huge womping majority. For a reason. At the end of this section he says you can find "much much more" on the topic in the sources and I just have to raise an eyebrow, because I do not count these 6 sources as "much much more" information.

Then, finally, we're off of this ill-placed and wrongly done section, and back to actual religion things. You know. Like how John had said we'd be talking about.

The Oral Torah and the Talmud We start off strong, with an accurate description as to what exactly is the Oral Torah, and what its place within Jewish society and Judaism is. And then... John tells us that there are "two guys who started it". Huh? Who? Hillel and Shammai of course! what. so, to explain to all of you who have somehow read till here and don't know, Hillel and Shammai are just one pair in a long lineage of those who were, according to tradition, in charge of the oral torah. Even more so, they weren't the first in their generation of pairs! (this is the time known as the Zugot, or pairs). Hillel and Shammai are the seventh generation in those who lived during the time of the mishna being slowly worked on and getting codified, and Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi was the one who did all of the codification, FIVE GENERATIONS AND A TEMPLE COLLAPSE AFTER THEM. So I chose to go into the sources to figure this one out, because frankly I'm baffled. And as far as I can tell, this comes from the encyclopedia britannica (again, why) saying that Hillel and Shammai were the last of the Zugot and that they taught the Tanaim (those who ended up writing the mishna), but just. What. Why. John then continues on to explain who Hillel and Shammai are, describing them as "Shammai, the rules are rules type" and "Hillel, the gentle, caring, impossible to anger type". I just- again with the putting down of one side (the stricter side) for the not so strict side. In addition to the fact that that isn't even an accurate description. It would be more accurate to describe the divide and debate between Hillel and Shammai as realistic and unrealistic. Hillel's school of thought, also known as Beit Hillel, worked with and around torah with the understanding that those who will be following it are people, and will make mistakes and need leniency. Shammai's school of thought, known as Beit Shammai, on the other hand, wanted people to strive to following the Torah in the most idealistic way. We follow Beit Hillel nowadays because they were better at taking day-to-day realities into account, but we remember Beit Shammai's halacha because we want to be able to fulfill our mitzvot in that way, and if human life didn't get in the way, we would do so. John Green stop putting those who keep stricter (or more idealistic) halacha as "bad" challange: level impossible. John Green then says, as is correct, that at around 200ce we started writing things down, but once again, he neglects to mention why we felt we needed to shift from oral to written (the answer is the Romans wanted us no longer jewish and we had lost our Temple and were going to be expelled from our holy land again, see, that's two sentences, is that so hard to say?) John Green then correctly explains that they way the Talmud was written down was by layers upon layers, "literally circling each other" however, that's only one portion of the halachic debate, and frankly, the Talmud is definitely not the central rabbinic text today. That's the Shulchan Aruch, which is based off of the Talmud, but collates all of Halachic debate into a masterpiece of a lot of books. It, too, has the layers upon layers thing, because why waste good paper space??? There are more mistakes here, in understanding that the Talmud is The Central Halachic thing, which again - look above I corrected it. I'll also happily admit that he's correct in saying that when we refer to the torah we mean both the written and oral ones. But we still have two sections to go, and I am still as wordy as ever.

Branches of Judaism Here is where I started to go from mildly annoyed at how he treats orthodox jews, to flat out mad. See, instead of explaining the differences between branches in a neutral way, John brings up differences that will make people feel things. He gives examples of questions - can women be rabbis - which will have listeners biased towards those communities that allow it (and yes, it is an issue within orthodox communities, but guess what! these communities are also trying to work within their framework of halacha for women's equality), or "can you push an elevator button on shabbat using electricity when the law says to refrain from creating fires and sparks on that day", which is an extreme oversimplification of the whole argument and discussion about electricity on shabbat, which will lead viewers to, once again, view those who do those things as backward, strange, and weird. And trust me, there are so many other halachic questions that can be used (such as can one heat food on shabbat, considering fire and heat, or how you deal with the dietary laws of kashrut), and idk. Maybe at this point I'm nitpicking, but as an orthodox not exactly a woman, it bothers me! It alienates me from the discussion, and it's really frustrating. He comments that the options you can choose are "unwavering, flexible, or somewhere in between", which to me shows a complete lack of understanding of what the orthodox framework of working with halacha is (too long; don't have time to explain - we can't strictly disagree with stuff but we can slowly push for change that may eventually end up disagreeing with something or another). He then explains Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform Judaism. His way of explaining is, while technically correct, missing an understanding of how we different streams of Judaism practice. John describes the differences as ones of strictness vs openness, lack of change vs flexibility. In reality, the difference between the streams is one of precedence. How much weight do we put on something that was written 2000 years ago? How much weight does our current way of living have? Orthodox Judaism will answer that what was written all that time ago has significantly more weight, that they knew more about halacha than we do, to Reform halacha, which takes halachic rulings from 2000 years ago under advisement, but sees how much the world has changed, and makes the rulings accordingly. I won't touch on his specific examples, and suffice it to say that they were in line with what I said earlier about his examples. They're there to make you feel something about these strange jews he's talking about, and that something is not always particularly nice, especially to Orthodox Jews. He then mentions a few other options, which is fine (though I wish he expanded on the "people who say 'I'm Jewish' but don't identify with any particular branch" as, with everything going on, and his sorely lacking explanation in how Judaism and conversion works, may lead to people deciding to just say they're jewish). After that he says that there "are jewish atheists". Yes. There are also orthodox jewish atheists, I thought we covered the fact that Judaism prefers action over belief at the start? I'm confused as to why he felt the need to add that here near the end of the video.

Next, he talks about the different physical branches of Judaism, and mentions that due to persecution we got to many different places. Of course, he once again neglects to mention the ur-persecution, or ur-reason that we are so spread out - our expulsion from Israel, and the beginning of the Jewish Diaspora (he mentions the Diaspora by name, but not the first reason for it). It's a glaring miss, but not as glaring as what is to come. He then talks about three diasporic communities, and I quote "...unique communities emerged in each new location: Ashkenazi Jews in Eastern Europe, Sephardic Jews in Spain and Portugal, and Beta Israel in Eithiopia". One nitpick and one incredibly important correction. Ashkenazi Jews were originally from ashkenaz, ie France and Germany and eventually got to Eastern Europe as well - the name of the general European tradition is, however, Ashkenaz. The second, and more pressing issue, is that he says that Sephardic Jews are in Spain and Portugal. Those communities haven't been there in a Hot Minute, ie since the Spanish Inquistion. They've been in the SWANA or MENA region, with some exceptions for some Dutch, American, and British Jews. I had to look at his sources, because are you kidding me. Both (all three, if we include Beta Israel) sources are from britannica. Again. My first instinct was that maybe the issue was with the source! I was wrong.

The source for Ashkenazi Judaism (emphasis mine)

Ashkenazi, member of the Jews who lived in the Rhineland valley and in neighbouring France before their migration eastward to Slavic lands (e.g., Poland, Lithuania, Russia) after the Crusades (11th–13th century) and their descendants. After the 17th-century persecutions in eastern Europe, large numbers of these Jews resettled in western Europe, where they assimilated, as they had done in eastern Europe, with other Jewish communities. In time, all Jews who had adopted the “German rite” synagogue ritual were referred to as Ashkenazim to distinguish them from Sephardic (Spanish rite) Jews. Ashkenazim differ from Sephardim in their pronunciation of Hebrew, in cultural traditions, in synagogue cantillation (chanting), in their widespread use of Yiddish (until the 20th century), and especially in synagogue liturgy. Today Ashkenazim constitute more than 80 percent of all the Jews in the world, vastly outnumbering Sephardic Jews. In the early 21st century, Ashkenazic Jews numbered about 11 million. In Israel the numbers of Ashkenazim and Sephardim are roughly equal, and the chief rabbinate has both an Ashkenazic and a Sephardic chief rabbi on equal footing. All Reform and Conservative Jewish congregations belong to the Ashkenazic tradition

As you can see, britannica does in fact mention that Ashkenazi Jews were first in the Rhineland valley (germany) and france, and later moved to Eastern Europe. I have some nitpicking on that as what I said doesn't match but regardless. Ashkenazi Jews aren't in Ashkenaz according to John, they are in Eastern Europe

The source for Sephardi Judaism (emphasis mine)

Sephardi, member or descendant of the Jews who lived in Spain and Portugal from at least the later centuries of the Roman Empire until their persecution and mass expulsion from those countries in the last decades of the 15th century. The Sephardim initially fled to North Africa and other parts of the Ottoman Empire, and many of these eventually settled in such countries as France, Holland, England, Italy, and the Balkans. Salonika (Thessaloníki) in Macedonia and the city of Amsterdam became major sites of Sephardic settlement. The transplanted Sephardim largely retained their native Judeo-Spanish language (Ladino), literature, and customs. They became noted for their cultural and intellectual achievements within the Mediterranean and northern European Jewish communities. In religious practice, the Sephardim differ from the Ashkenazim (German-rite Jews) in many ritual customs, but these reflect a difference in traditional expression rather than a difference in sect. Of the estimated 1.5 million Sephardic Jews worldwide in the early 21st century (far fewer than the Ashkenazim), the largest number were residing in the state of Israel. The chief rabbinate of Israel has both a Sephardic and an Ashkenazi chief rabbi. The designation Sephardim is frequently used to signify North African Jews and others who, though having no ancestral ties to Spain, have been influenced by Sephardic traditions, but the term Mizrahim is perhaps more properly applied.

As you can also see, the britannica also mentions that Sephardi talks about North African Jews. What is that? SWANA Jews exist? and experienced persecution? Couldn't be. Surely all Jews are actually European and are colonizers in the land of palestine (heavy sarcasm and cynicism). I've got to say, I find the fact that using where Jews ended up for Ashkenazi Jews, and where they "originated" (in quotation due to the fact that only the name originated from there) for Sephardi Jews rather disingenuous, as the story being told erases the existence of SWANA jews to an upsetting and worrying degree.

Review and Credits Almost done. Just have to get through the review. John finishes up the story with something that I have mixed feelings about. He describes Judaism as a religion, but that being Jewish doesn't require a religious identity. I find the but annoying. It's not "judaism is a religion but doesn't have to be", it's "judaism is a religion and a people, and a culture, etc etc". Judaism is older than the concept of religion, we're a people, who can also have a set of belief and behaviour, but not doing them does not preclude you from being part of the family (unless, of course, you actively leave the family but that is a nuance not for here). The rest of his review is fine in my opinion. And now, the credits, which have a list of names that don't seem to be Jewish, but I can't find that about all of them (i know at least one of the people in charge of information for either this video or the series in general is definitely not Jewish)

I don’t know how to finish this, other than… Do better, Crash Course, do better @sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog.

[monophobix]

INITIAL THOUGHTS ON ARCANE SEASON 2 ACT 1 (EPISODES 1-3)

(i’m not good at putting my thoughts into words so feel free to give your own opinions, i rlly wanna hear them)

SPOILERS AHEAD///

ok so my biggest critique is the pacing. everything is very quick very fast and a lot is going on. i understand that this is immediately after a large event which of course caused a reaction however it was just very intense and a lot to keep up with especially considering the amount of new and confusing things introduced throughout the three episodes with minimal slow down. it was alittle difficult to keep up. the timeline of the show is confusing and i have no idea how long it has been between scenes. viktor was barely in that weird healing chamber for a few scenes before he was emerging as someone new. caitlyn and vi were going from loving to fighting to understanding to fighting again very quickly with little time to develop independently, their kiss and divorce weren’t even 30 minutes apart from each other. also, who the fuck is this kid hanging around with jinx?? why is she following her, why doesn’t she talk, what’s her name, how long has she been with her?? this lack of time to let things develop has caused these episodes to feel rushed.

with this introduction of many new things some have left me with a lot of questions. my biggest issue revolves around the arcane. i literally do not recall it being mentioned or being an important topic in s1 but all of a sudden jayce knows a fuck ton about it as well as heimerdinger? when did he learn this? i assume it’s from viktors notes and research but that still fails to cover the amount of knowledge jayce now possesses.

HOWEVER THE ARCANE IS VERY COOL AND IM VERY VERY INVESTED. i absolutely love the changes to viktor, his weird apathy and changes are definitely rushed but so interesting to see, his design and behaviour are so very compelling and im very excited to see the development. additionally, this group dynamic between jayce, ekko and heimerdinger is soooooo fun. it offers a break from the intensity with some silliness i think is desperately needed, plus it’s super satisfying to see the trio bounce off each other. that final scene of them in ep3 was visually incredible and i loved seeing the effects upon the hextech weapons during the jinx, sevika vs vi, caitlyn fight. the scene of viktor amongst the shimmer infected was very interesting and it was so cool to truly see the severe effects of shimmer and the inhumanity of viktor is making a clear route towards his glorious evolution which is am keen to watch.

that ambessa reveal at the end was INCREDIBLE. i genuinely didn’t see it coming and it made my jaw DROP. the quiet, smart suspicion from mel is always incredible to see, her political mind and morals conflicting is so very engaging and she’s really developing into herself in these episodes which was a joy to witness. the mystery of her brother is compelling and links well through s1 and s2 to make the storyline fun to follow. i also simply must compliment the designs revolving around the noxians and animal-esque (sorry idk what they’re called) people. the absolute variety and inspiration from real life cultures is beautiful to see. i am incredibly confused about the magic and that one lady (amara?) but i assume that’ll be answered in later episodes.

jinx is not looking good lmao. i love her design being so corpse-like and deathly, it really fits well and really embraces the differences between powder and jinx. but i do wish we saw more of her. i see her actions but i lack understanding for some of them, primarily revolving around the child (isha?) and why the kids even there but the newfound bond between sevika and jinx is refreshing to see. the scene of them in silcos old office brought a smile to my face and the design of that fucking arm is soooo cool i love the clownish purely jinx vibe to it.

caitlyn is probably the stand out character so far (plus maybe viktor). her absolute grief and seeing her facade break down throughout the episodes was heartbreaking, the tentative yet conflicting moments of softness with vi were beautiful yet had that perfect undercurrent of tragedy that arcane masters so well. her rage and break up with vi was easy to see coming yet so incredibly jarring to watch, that harsh and merciless behaviour is so different from s1, the development is well done and a morbid pleasure to see. and that final episode. oh my. the shock to acceptance of darkness was fantastic, ambessa truly is a master at manipulating weakness in even the strongest of people and seeing this duo is going to be so soul crushing that i’m itching for more.

vi felt very rushed to me and alittle dry? idk why tho i can’t really explain it. i understand her choices but it felt like something was missing until that final scene with cait. that was an absolute masterpiece. seeing her realising that the horrors of war is corrupting everyone around her and pleading for it to please not happen is so so SO fucking sad and my heart was breaking. i loved seeing her moral strength and solidity to her values which has always been a key part of her character so i appreciate the consistency. idk why something about her was just… different.

the opening scene was incredible. the absolute horror of it was so clear and i was literally shaking the entire time. 10/10 opening.

overall, i hope things slow down alittle but i greatly enjoyed season 2 and im very excited to see the characters develop and to see even more of this beautiful world.

[beef-brisket]

Adam and Lucifer stood to the side as Charlie was about to start another group session. Lucifer looked a tad nervous, because everyone seemed to be looking and pointing at them.

Adam: You seem tense.

Lucifer: I-I think they know...

Adam: About us? Nonsense. Let them fester in their curiosity. I do like some good gossip~.

Lucifer chuckled: You're so bad.

Adam: I had to get my reputation somehow~.

Charlie: Alright, everyone! Shall we start-?

Angel throws his hand in the air, Lucifer doesn't trust that smile he has on his face.

Charlie: Oh! Uh- yes, Angel?

Angel: Toots, we've learned about "Traits of a Good Person" three times already. I have an idea for another topic~.

Vaggie: We don't want to know, Angel.

Charlie: It's okay, Vaggie. I trust him. What's your idea Angel?

Angel: "The importance of telling truths and being open with other people"!

The room was stunned into silence.

Adam: Wow. That's a great topic, Angel. I'm impressed.

Angel: Oh, you won't be, baby~.

Adam tilted his head. He's definitely concerned and he feels a tad threatened.

Charlie: Okay! I like that idea, Angel ! Shall we each ask someone a question, and that person had to answer honestly. I'll go first as an example. Adam: what's your favorite thing to eat?

Adam: Oh! That's easy. Venison~.

Everyone was silent again. They definitely forgot how creepy Adam could be. Lucifer, on the other hand, was staring lovingly at Adam.

Charlie: Great! Now, Adam, you ask someone something.

Adam: Hmm. Oh, the possibilities- Peter!

Peter sat up straight and smiled widely at his boss. He wasn't a gest but he loved participating.

Peter: Yes boss!?

Adam: Who is a fantastic cleaner and most loyal employee of mine?

Peter: Oh! Oh... uh... m-me?

Adam: Very good~.

Peter: Me! Lute-me! Me!

Lute rolls her eyes. Stupid bastard.

Charlie: How sweet! Okay, Peter, you're turn.

Peter: Boss!?

Adam perked up: Yes, Peter?

Peter: Favorite colour!?

Adam: Gold.

Angel: My turn- Adam~. Baby~.

Adam narrowed his eyes as Angel, he didn't like where this was going: Yes, "Angie"?

Angel: Who ya fuckin lately~?

Lucifer blushed but managed to remain composed.

Adam: You're mom. Next question.

Adam smiled at Angel's offended expression.

Lute: Boss.

Adam sighed: Yes, Lute?

Lucte: What's going on between you, and the king?

Adam: ...Nothing.

Charlie: Adam, you have to be honest- and come to think of it, you and dad have been spending a lot of time together. Do you like to dad, Adam?

Adam: I- yes. He's very kind and sweet. Next question.

Peter: Can I watch you two have sex!?

Adam: Peter- we've talked about this. You can't ask people that.

Peter: Sorry.

Adam: Next question?

Vaggie: Are you in a relationship with him?

Adam: With who?

Vaggie: Don't play dumb! The king!

Adam: "the king" has a name. Thank you. And yes, technically i do have a relationship with him.

Angel: You're so fucking him. Come one Adam! Tell us!

Charlie: Are you sure you're not with my dad?

Vaggie: You're highness, I thought you hated him- he hated you Adam.

Adam: Not a question, Vagatha.

Lucifer watched everyone through questions at Adam. He was handling it pretty well, but Lucifer could tell he was going to lose it.

Lucifer: ...do you love me?

Everyone stopped and looked at Lucifer. Even Adam. His expression was shock and maybe a tad of offense.

Adam: Of course I do. Have I not shown you? What more do I need to do? Tell me- and I'll do

Lucifer: Tell them. About us.

Adam smiled and grabbed his hand. The whole room was duiet: Of course. Lucifer and I have been connecting for a few weeks now. We have it official last night.

Angel: ...wow. I was expecting you to fight back a little.

Adam: Perish the thought! I only fight when I feel threatened~.

Lowkey want an au where Adam has Alastors' powers.

The tentacles

The eyes

The changing size

The shadows

The sass

The deal making

Him owning Husk and Nifty

The musical numbers

The radio control

The tentacles- have I mentioned that before?

The rivalry with Lucifer

Maybe he replaces Alastor entirely. No Alastor. Only Adam. It's always been Adam.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

Only Adam lol This is good! His Husk and Nifty could be Lute and Peter.

He doesn't have to smile all the time does he?

Yessss, and he plays rock instead of jazz lol And yes of course there is a rivalry lol

[kaddyssammlung]

I want to share some thoughts with you.

I really like all the new content that is coming in at the moment. But I posted two pics (so far) that I was very hesitant to post (pic 1 and pic 2). The thing about them is the elephant in the room. It's what you can see in them. His scars....

That catwalk and the new angles and everything and many now seeing what I always could....well...I'm rambling.

Hiding from here on because some topics are not for everyone. Vessel and self-harm….those words alone can get you blocked other places. Recently I talked to so many of you about that topic because I received a lot of messages about that topic (here and other places) and that made me think. I just want to share some thoughts and some links to YouTube channels that deal with topics like these. That's all.

To me this is almost nothing special in a way. I have struggled with this myself for many years. Mostly from when I was 14 into my early 20s. I know many other humans (real life and online) who dealt with the same issues. What I fail to realize is though: not everyone knows someone who struggled with this or knows something about this topic in general. That's why so many seem concerned or don't even know what to do with all of this. I wrote some stuff about it when I analyized the lyrics but that's just me talking about myself rather then about Vessel. He has suffered but like he says we all have suffered. The whole album “Take Me Back To Eden” symbolizes a journey of regaining inner strength. “We step into my suffering” it's what I do in my energy work session. I step into my suffering and face it in order to heal it and turn it into strength or something else that's positive. Not that important. We can learn from our suffering…well..this is actually not what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted to share some online resources that I like.

Psych2go has all sorts of videos about mental health. The videos are short and focus on what's important so that you can maybe understand a topic better.

Another video that I really like “Heartstopper Gets Therapized” (that Netflix show and that guy is a therapist). It deals with that topic, too and explain it really well.

another video that YouTube suggested to me and that I like

Why do people self-harm?

it explains the biology (in the brain) behind it. But it's more about the link between self-harm and BPD. So...it was meant for me because it's what I have.

I have no idea why Vessel did what he did but I'm sure that he is much better now. Of course I don't know that but seeing how much fun he has on stage these days....and also his voice. There is so much strength in it. You can't sing with strength when you feel weak. I find his transformation inspiring.

I do understand why other places treat this topic like the plague but for me personally that's not how I want to treat this. If you have questions you can aks btw. that's what I mean with this.

And also...I keep seeing so much cool stuff that I want to post but I'm not even sure what to post anymore because of how visible they are. Or if I should put a trigger warning in the tags or if I should just not do anything about it. I would not hide my scars on stage btw. I would wear what I want to wear and when they are in pics then I just would not care. I don't care that much about them anymore. They are just here.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

You know, with the way that both Eddie and Buck are canonically prone to making these impulsive, rushed, desperate attempts to move in with their partners -- way too soon into their relationship (Buck having now tried that twice, first with Taylor, then with Tommy! Ooh actually, thrice! He moved into Abby's apartment as well. Which wasn't super smart. Yikes!)

... and have then been burned by this idea because oops, that impulsive decision backfired...? Bye relationship...?

So. This tendency combined with the way these two are often so oblivious about their habit to nest with each other!!!

I'm just ✨imagining✨ that once they actually do get their shit together, and start dating each other...

They'll probably be, as usual, just so, so, sooo dumb about that step of moving in to share a home. They'll probably both want to do that like... stupidly soon, but hey.

They've been burned before and this thing is so important this time to get right... So what to do? Help, there is no manual for this!!

Which... results in this awkward situation of them just avoiding talking about this topic. At all! Both actually wanting to live together, but afraid to ask for it, or even really mention their desire to live together and share a home full time.

Which still... doesn't actually stop them from starting to live together! Like always, they just can't help the way they naturally gravitate towards each other. All the time, like the bonded pair they are.

So in the end the whole thing will probably end up being discussed like:

Buck: Hey Eddie. I was wondering. Could we... Maybe. Uhhh. Maybeeee. Move in together? 🫣

Eddie: What? Oh. MOVE IN TOGETHER?! Did you say, move in together?

... Yeah! I'd like that, Buck! You do know that I love having you around! I'm so glad that you asked. Yes. Lets do that 😁

Buck: Oh.. You want that Really?

Eddie: YES. REALLY. I'm SURE.

Buck: That's... Such a relief. Yeah. Lets do that, then *hesitantly smiles, then grins. THEN BEAMS!!*

Eddie: *coughs* To be honest. I was already maybe... Thinking. A bit! That you'd already... moved in. Kinda? Was just nervous to bring it up.

Buck: Huh?

Eddie: Well. I was nervous to ask you to, or confirm if you had... because I don't want to rush things, again... I want to do this right! I want... Us. Like, this is it for me, Buck. You are it for me.

So... I was just scared to rush this. And ruin us. But. Anyway. Now that the can is open 🤔...

Yeah. I was thinking about it the other day, and I'm pretty sure it's been months now since you spent the night at your loft?

'Cause remember the last time.. When you... Actually, we both slept at your loft, you know... After we broke the bed here 😎...?

Yeah 🤔 Aaaannd then, the next day we were already back to living here. Because of this plant kick you've gone for. Which, to be frank, is starting to feel less like a kick and more like I'm in a throuple. Me, you, the plants... 🤔

Anyway, as we know, of course you worry if you're not around to water all of these hundreds of delicate house plants that you fallen in love with. You know, which is why we are standing in a jungle right now, Buck?

Buck: *stares at Eddie*

Eddie: Really, Buck. I'm telling you, we already live together. IN A JUNGLE!

Buck: ...It's not a jungle! Stop saying that it's a jungle, I don't have problem. Look, this plant grows on savannahs in nature! So it CAN'T possible be a jungle! Are savannahs jungles, Eddie? Don't think so! So there you have it!

Eddie: You do have a problem, Buck. I don't mind the problem, Buck. I like the plants, Buck.

... My point was, you already live here.

Buck, we both live here. Together. In our home. You moved in... about seven months ago, I think? That was when you hauled in your favorite things and stopped sleeping at yours.

It was right after your birthday, yeah. I gave you those records as a gift, and then you brought your vinyl player here. Along with your entire vinyl record collection. Because apparently "I'm not a nerd, vinyl just sounds better, Eddie" and you wanted to listen to them here, while you chill and water our entire jungle of house plants.

... Again, I don't mind any of it, Buck. I love it, sharing a home with you. I love you.

Buck: Oh.

Eddie: Yeah.

Buck: ... Oooooh we ARE living together, Eddie! HEY, I could sell the loft! Or rent it. And then we'd have more money to spend on our ju--plants!!

Eddie: Yeah. Guess you could. *Smiles, goes for a kiss*

Buck: 🥰 Love you, Eddie. (...Love you, plants.)

(Plants: Stop killing us then, murderer!!! For real! How hard can it be?!)

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

Honestly… I don’t think Rolan is interested in kids, or teaching to kids. He’s reading about the “alchemical qualities of blood” when you talk to him late game. He’s studying high-level magic.

He loves Cal and Lia because they’re his siblings, and they grew up together when he didn’t have a family of his own. I don’t think that means he is excited to hang out with kids at large, and he’s got a lot of traits that really aren’t conducive to it.

He doesn’t budge an inch for other people in conversations, tends to look down on others not in his immediate circle, uses long words constantly regardless of his audience (unless pissed off), and has an intensity about magic that means I don’t see him being interested in much else. He’s struggled so long to get to a place where his siblings are safe and he can simply sit and have all the time in the world to study magic.

He feels like an academic to me, the kind that wants to spend as much time as possible researching, and will explain a topic to you once without at all lowering the complexity of the explanation and then not understand why you didn't get it. And I don’t think he wants to talk about lower-level stuff, because it’s not interesting to him. He also learnt the basics of magic himself (being you know, a prodigy) and therefore can’t really get it when people don’t know the basics. That much is obvious; it’s all the higher-level stuff that comes after. We see him being super dismissive of others (“they don’t know any better”, "hogs waiting for the butcher's knife") and although I think he gets more decent about it, I suspect that streak remains; he’s a snob who likes the company of people who are capable of critical thinking and discussion.

He's also beyond shitty to the kids at Last Light. Yeah, he's grieving horribly but... ok, so what if something happens to Tav? Is he going to turn round and yell at their kids for it? (In character, honestly).

He also clearly sees the value of chosen family over biological. I can't see him prizing blood connections all of a sudden, when the only people he cares about in the world are his adopted siblings.

I like him as an uptight academic twat who stays rather sharp-edged even when he’s come to understand that helping and trusting others is important. And… you don’t need to love kids to do good in life (you do need to not being a dick to them though, Rolan, lmao). There’s so much you can do that doesn’t directly involve that - or indeed, large amounts of interaction with other people. He understands people are generally decent now… but my god if he has to spend a long time in conversation with most of them, he’ll be incredibly fed up. Appreciating the good from a distance is more his style.

[itmeansiris]

The Solar System Legacy Challenge: Geekcon Revelations Gen 1 pt.81

Thursday at breakfast Mercury, Kason, and Spirit ironed out the final deals for Spooky Day. The following day they would all attend the Brindelton Bay kids' Fall festival, towards the end Kason and M would leave to finish setting up for the Spooky Day party.

Her phone vibrated and when she checked the screen she was pleasantly surprised.

M: Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr.elusive.

Beckett: Hey M, I've been meaning to call you back.

M: Why haven't you, it's been days? Are you still coming to the party?

Beckett: That's why I'm calling.

Spirit: Is that your brother?

She nodded.

Kason: Hey Bek.

Beckett: Tell Kason and Mom hi but about the party. I haven't found a costume yet and I won't be in Brindelton Bay until tomorrow.

M: That's perfect because I have a costume for you. I can't wait for tomorrow.

Beckett: You're a lifesaver. I figured I could wear an old one if nothing else.

Mercury ignored the praise and pressed Beckett about the girl from his date.

M: So, no spooky day plans with your girlfriend? You should invite her to the party.

Beckett: She can't, she has plans. And she’s not my girlfriend.

M: You could have fooled me. Wait, doesn't she live here?

Beckett: Her plans are in San Myshuno and I'll be in the Bay with you guys.

She pressed a little harder.

M: She could come after her "plans" The party is planned till late and the ride from the city isn't too long. Are you ever going to tell me her name?

Beckett: M stop. She can't make it this time. and her name isn't important right now.

M: I heard that. Geez Bek, are we at least going to get to meet her for Harvestfest or are you going to keep her hidden until you guys are already married?

Beckett: Would you give it a rest already!

His tone took Mercury by surprise. She knew she was hounding him but he was her only brother and she knew next to nothing about this girl besides the fact that she was supposed to be great at darts, lived in Brindelton Bay, and that Beckett seemed to feel like he needed to hide her from his family, and she couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not considering his attitude.

Kason's phone rang and Spirit excused herself from the table to get ready for the day. M waited for them to be out of earshot before she responded.

M: Beckett what's going on?

Beckett: *Sigh* Sorry M. I shouldn't have barked at you. Everything is fine. Right now we’re- I’m trying to figure some things out. I don't want to rush and risk messing everything up.

He sounded so unsure and it concerned her.

M: You must really like this girl because that has to be the fourth time I’ve heard you say that since the day you met her.

He sighed again. The conversation was clearly upsetting him but she couldn’t understand why. What wasn’t he telling her?

Beckett: I do and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way.

M: Okay, well that's good. So what's stopping you from making it official?

Beckett: It's…complicated. I’d rather talk to you about it in person. It's really important to me that you like her M...

She sensed his turmoil and decided, for the moment, it was best to drop it. Whatever he was going through was clearly taking a toll on him. Beckett hardly ever had angry outbursts, having discovered his proper trait in his young adult years.

M: I guess now is a good time to tell you that Mom agreed to stay in Brindelton Bay.

The change in topic lightened his mood instantly.

Beckett: That's great. I knew you were the better choice to convince her.

Mercury made a noise between a scuff and a laugh.

M: You keep telling yourself that so you don’t feel guilty for putting the job off on me, but I barely convinced her. She only agreed to stay till after the New Year, like a trial run. Micah is going to look after the house while she's here.

He laughed.

Beckett: I bear no guilt. That's better than nothing. I was worried she would turn you down flat.

M: You brat, she almost did. Anyway, I have to go I'm supposed to be walking Comet. I'll see you tomorrow.

She ended her call catching the tail end of Kason’s conversation.

Kason: I'll meet you outside the station, you idiot. Why would I make you carry all the bags from the car with the baby? Whatever. Just focus on the road and I'll see you in the city.

Kason tucked the phone back in his pocket.

M: Peyton?

She smirked.

Kason: *sigh* Who else, I should get ready. They're already on the road and I don't want to miss my train. You know how the king hates to wait.

M: You have no one to blame but yourself, I told you I could go.

Kason wouldn't admit it but he missed his twin brother, his complaining was just part of the act. They spoke often but they didn't see each other nearly enough. They had lived together all of their life until Kason and M made it official and he'd moved out of their shared San Myshuno apartment.

So when Mercury told him Winter was coming a day early and Peyton was traveling alone with the kids Kason volunteered to meet them halfway claiming Peyton would need the extra hands. Peyton would take the drive from Newcrest to San Myshuno where he'd meet Kason and they would take the train back to Brindelton Bay. Driving the whole way would take almost two days and with an infant that seemed intolerable, so they opted for the crosstown train.

Kason came downstairs ready to head out the door when Ishtar and Venus ambushed him begging him to go along. He agreed figuring having the extra company for Crimson and Adrianne couldn't hurt.

When they arrived in the Art District of San Myshuno they emerged to find sims dressed in costumes milling around the streets. Apparently, Geekcon had come to this part of the city. Kason loved Geekcon. He and Peyton had never missed one when they were young. As kids, they would cosplay and enter gaming competitions. As teens they'd stop dressing up and took to more mischievous activities like sneaking into the Spaceship, using the telescope to spy on the neighbors, and trolling the forums using the hack-a-ton computers. It seemed they had revamped the layout for Spooky Day.

Kason checked the time realizing they had at least 45 minutes before Peyton should arrive and decided to let the kids enjoy the festivities. Who knew when they would be back in the city, plus it was a chance to share a small piece of his childhood with his own children.

Kason checked the time as he got up from the computers after achieving an unnoteworthy score in the hack-a-ton and went to look for the kids. He spotted them by the gaming mats and began making his way over then he stopped, recognizing a couple in the crowd gathered by the DJ booth.

Bewildered, he changed course and started in their direction. Determined to make sense of what he was seeing, Kason kept his eyes trained on the spot where they stood to ensure he didn’t lose sight of them when someone called his name.

He turned recognizing his brother's voice. He looked over and noticed Adrianne and Crimson had already joined Venus and Ishtar and had moved on to the arcade games. Kason dared to look back in the direction he'd seen Beckett.

Madison's back was turned to him but Beckett had looked up and spotted him. They held each other's gaze, Beckett's face a wall of masked emotions. He broke the connection and guided Madison away from the dance floor.

Kasons first thought was to follow them and demand answers, but he knew now wasn't an opportune time to pursue them. He had the kids and Peyton needed his help. He settled for telling M when he got home. For the moment, he was more interested in his own brother, who was holding a beautiful snow-white-haired infant. His niece, Hannah. Kason greeted his brother but his attention was on Hannah. Peyton handed her over without protest.

Kason: Well aren't you the most beautiful girl.

He cooed at the mini spellcaster who coincidentally had the same eye color as her uncle.

Kason: Thank the watcher she looks like Winter.

Peyton jabbed his brother's side lightly.

Peyton: They all look like Winter. Fairy gene are strong.

Kason: Leave it to you to marry a fairy. Not that it surprises me that only a magical woman could tame your wild side. Lets go guys, train’s coming soon.

Peyton gathered the older kids while Kason hogged Hannah.

Peyton: You're one to talk about wild sides. I saw the pictures online. I also saw that M won her lawsuit against the paparazzi AANNND considering you still live at home, I'll assume you are innocent of all wrongdoing. But dude what the hell?

Kason shushed him gesturing towards the kids who were only a few paces ahead of them as they headed to the Metro entrance at the bottom of the San Myshuno Bastion Spire.

Kason: Lower your voice. The kids don't know anything about it and I'd like it to stay that way. You didn't tell Adrianne and Crimson did you?

Peyton frowned.

Peyton: I'm not stupid you know. I would never show them your smut.

The corners of his mouth turned up into a smile to show he wasn't completely offended.

Peyton: Those kids love you and M. Showing them something like that would only confuse them, and believe me they have enough to worry about now that they’re in school and learning to use their magic.

Kason: How are they adjusting to Newcrest? V dont stand so close to the edge of the platform.

Peyton: They love the new house, Winter even considered letting them get a pet, or a familiar is what I think they called it. That was the easy part. It's the school that's the problem.

Kason: School? Adrianne did really well her first year does she not like the new school.

Peyton: I wish it was that simple. When they were in preschool they weren't old enough to use their magic and their wing hadn't grown in. But now that they're older and their fairy traits are becoming more dominant, well let's just say not everyone is as open-minded as the people in San Myshuno. When we moved I knew people looked at Winter funny, the white hair and wings were a dead giveaway she was different but Winter never let it bother her so I paid it no mind when she was around but these are my kids. Adrianne brought Crimson home crying after their first day of school.

The distress in Peyton's voice alarmed him. Kason did his best to keep his expression neutral and his voice low because the kids were sitting close enough to pick up parts of the conversation even in the crowded station, but inside he was raging. He understood why Peyton was so bothered. When they were younger kids bullied the pair when they found out that their mother had run off when they were barely infants. They would say mean things like “She left because she hated them”. He didn’t want to imagine what kind of cruel things they would say or worse do to two half-fae kids.

Kason: Are you serious? What, have they never seen a dam- a Fairy in Newcrest?

Peyton: When Adrianne started school in San Myshuno things were different, the city is different. Now every other day she comes home with scrapes and bruises on her hands and face like she'd been fighting. She's stubborn like her mother so whenever I ask her about them she tells me she fell at recess or on the way home trying to practice flying, and it seems she has sworn her brother to secrecy so no one's talking.

The train pulled in and the group boarded. They found seats and got comfortable for the long ride back to Brindelton Bay.

Kason: Have you been to the school what are they doing about it?

Peyton: What do you think? You should have seen the way the Vice principal basically blamed us. The idiot had the nerve to say we should have done more to make sure they didn't stand out. The Principle kicked the asshole out and claimed they would address the issue but I have a suspicion that addressing the issue means separating Adrianne and Crimson from the other kids and not for their safety.

Kason was frustrated that his niece and nephew were struggling to get acclimated to school life. He couldn't understand how rational adults could look at them and not just see innocent children. Wings and magic didn't make you a bad person, but mistreating someone, especially children, because they did, made these the worst kind of people in Kasons mind.

He also couldn't help the overwhelming sense of pride he felt. It was hard to remember that Peyton wasn't the same irresponsible teenager he'd grown up with. He was a husband, a father, and sometimes a damn good brother. Kason felt a ping of guilt as he realized he didn't give Peyton nearly enough credit. Sitting on the train Kason finally saw his brother for the man he had become.

Kason: I don't say it enough but you're an amazing man Peyton. Dad would be proud of you. I'm proud of you.

Peyton smiled at his brother from across the table.

Peyton: Thanks Kas. But you still owe me an explanation when we get there and whats with the blue nail polish?

Kason rolled his eyes.

Kason: I was offered as live bait to your wife and nieces. I got to be a Ken doll.

Peyton: You see why I let her come alone. You're such a sucker.

Kason: Ha! As if you could have said no to Winter, M, and Spirit.

Peyton: The odds were stacked against you. I'm surprised you didn't show up with a pink strip in your hair.

They spent the train ride joking and catching up while keeping an eye on the kids. It felt like old times. Time and distance hadn't changed their relationship in the slightest and just like that Kason felt a part of himself become whole. A part he hadn't noticed had been misplaced, he'd shared a womb with this clown after all.

Previous Next

Beginning

Sidebar: Finding train builds proves to be quite a challenge. So I thank the builders because I wouldn't have been able to finish this without their hard work. I placed a Geekcon because when I originally shot the scene it really was. Then I hated all the pictures besides the one of them gaming and I couldn't wait for Geekcon to come up again so I had to find one on the gallery and being that it was the day before Spooky Day (in-game) this one felt right!

Poses: @rebouks bumperpack random poses @acha-sims kissing poses #1 @libetsims Come here little brother CC: Costumes @plazasims Builds @lesmana-enterprise-ltd San Myshuno Bastion Spire R3 Debug Snow Train EA ID: Komori44 (room) Train Interior set EA ID: diegomemphis (room)

[trans-axolotl]

Hi! I'm currently researching prison abolition, both for the sake of becoming better educated about it and because I plan to write a paper on it for class. Two questions for you:

First— what books/articles/videos/any other resources on the topic would you recommend? I've been doing some research on my own, but I'd love to have some more sources.

Second— what solutions do abolitionists offer for people who pose immediate threats? I'm struggling to find a solid answer on this. I know it's going to vary based on who you ask! Just looking for some possible answers. Mostly, I've seen this question answered by redirecting focus towards prevention of the circumstances that lead to this kind of behavior, and obviously that is important and should be the main focus, but I'm not sure what possible methods there are for people who already exist who are a threat to others' safety.

(I especially have a hard time with this question because I'm coming at it from an anarchist lens and I don't believe there should be any sort of carceral system or any governing power, but I don't know how this sort of problem can be dealt with without there being some sort of power structure).

If you don't have an answer for that second one, or just don't feel like answering, that's alright! Thanks for your time :))

Hi!

I'm going to list out a bunch of random resources--this is a very incomplete list, just with a few things that came to mind first.

Articles:

Journalism from currently incarcerated writers:

Prison Journalism Project

Scalawag Abolition Week

Marshall Prison Project

Prison Writing on Prison Abolition by empty cages collective and incarcerated workers organizing committee

Other articles:

Truthout's Road to Abolition

Reports/infographics/organizations:

Advancing Transgender Justice: Illuminating Trans Lives Behind and Beyond Bars By Vera Institute of Justice and Black and Pink

Critical Resistance.

SWOP behind Bars

HEARD

Books:

Change Everything by Ruth Wilson Gilmore

Assata: An Autobiography by Assata Shakur

Disability Incarcerated by Liat Ben Moshe

We Do This 'Til We Free Us: Abolitionist Organizing and Transforming Justice by Mariame Kaba

Are Prisons Obsolete? By Angela Davis

The New Abolitionists edited by Joy James

Captive Genders: Trans Embodiment and the Prison Industrial Complex by Eric Stanley & Nat Smith

Golden Gulag by Ruth Wilson Gilmore

Beyond Survival: Strategies and Stories from the Transformative Justice Movement edited by Ejeris Dixon and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

In terms of your second question:

short answer, it cannot be a one-size-fits-all solution--any abolitionist future needs to have a wide variety of options for addressing harm that are able to actual address the particular circumstances of harm and meet the needs of the people in that particular context. Harm is an incredibly broad category that can differ so much depending on context. It feels difficult to just give one broad answer for "this is what we do about harm"--it seems necessary to have a different response to someone breaking into your house versus sexual violence versus bigoted physical violence and on and on and on.

Long answer: You're right that a lot of abolitionist thinking focuses on preventing harm and fundamentally changing a lot of the circumstances that are currently causing harm in people's lives. A lot also focusing on rethinking our ideas of safety, violence, harm, and crime, and untangling all the ways a carceral state has shaped our views on those concepts. (this article titled Reclaiming Safety by Mariame Kaba & Andrea J. Ritchie is an important read for thinking about how the concept of safety is constructed in our society). But all that being said, you're right that part of building an abolitionist future requires us to have a way to respond to harm when it does occur, because change doesn't happen overnight and we need those skills now. And these abolitionist responses to harm are something that are already happening now in so many ways in so many different communities and neighborhoods--a lot of people aren't just talking about it using the terminology of prison abolition. For me, it feels really important to start by thinking about what we're already doing and look for ways we can increase our own capacity to respond to harm and to care for our community.

I don't have all the answers, but I'm going to list out some examples of ways that people are already responding to harm without prisons. i don't necessarily think that all of these approaches are applicable to every situation or that they would be the ideal response in a future when we have more options, but i do just want to emphasize that there are things that people are trying right now:

making sure that someone who caused harm isn't able to be in positions of power in organizations/work/community spaces, and making people aware of the harm that was caused.

meeting the material needs of survivors of harm--mutual aid, getting access to housing, resources, etc.

de-escalation training, having people in community equipped to step in to situations where harm is being caused. (i know a few places where this is more-or-less organized--some neighborhoods where people have sort of a neighborhood watch thing going on so people know they can call that group instead of the cops if they need emergency support. )

building up things like peer respite and many other alternatives for supporting people through madness--i have a post discussing the question of alternatives to psych wards for people labeled a "danger to others."

directly intervening in situations where harm is being caused: physically showing up to keep each other safe

financial reparations

community accountability processes focused on creating accountability for bigoted violence, gender based violence, etc.

and a bunch more ideas--I'm not going to list out every possible thing I could think of here.

I'd really recommend reading Beyond Survival, which is a trying to answer some of these questions through looking at examples of things that are already working, and challenges the idea that transformative justice is just community accountability processes where everyone has to sit down at a table together to talk and the survivor just ends up retraumatized. (some authors in the anthology talk in depth about times in which that kind of process would actually increase danger to survivors, in fact.) They also make a lot of room to talk about the experience of being a survivor who has all these complex emotions and feelings towards whoever has caused us harm, and makes a lot of room for messy, complicated feelings of anger or desires for retributive harm.

Some of the examples of transformative justices responses that they share include a public letter campaign to address an abuser who was popular in movement spaces, community created research databases tracking racist violence and murders, community led murder investigations through different tactics including documentary filmmaking, family members stepping in to confront abusers and remove children from unsafe spaces, building up community first aid and medical knowledge to reduce the amount cops get called, a toolkit for transformative justice plans within youth spaces, community defense groups, including groups prepared to do physical defense, and so many more examples of things that people are trying.

I'll also link the creative interventions workbook, which is a really extensive toolkit for thinking of ways to respond to interpersonal violence.

A frequent criticism of prison abolition is that it's not practical--that our suggested responses to harm are impossible and could never work. And I can understand why people respond that way. It can be really frustrating to see people list out a lot of things that wouldn't work yet where you live because your neighbors are bigoted, or you're currently incarcerated, or you live in an inaccessible city with no in person community, etc. That anger feels meaningful, because it highlights just how fucked up it is that those barriers exist and that we don't have more options for community care right now. And at the same time, if we only try ideas based on what is currently practical, we end up just using the same existing frameworks to try to build a new world, and accept the current limits placed on us through the violence of prisons and policing. I think that abolition must be a little impractical to be effective--we need to be able to move beyond what is currently practical within the carceral apparatuses of state violence, and instead work to build in a way that dismantles what the state defines as realistic.

Last thing I'll say is that for me, it is so vital to always remember that prison abolition is a political movement centered in dismantling a white supremacist system that enacts antiblack racist violence on a gigantic scale. It's not just a buzzword to throw around to refer to anything, it's important to stay connected to what this actually about, learn about the radical history and lineage of Black prison abolitionists in the US, instead of misusing and extracting political resources without having reciprocity and solidarity. And also to stay connected to prison resistance movements right now--recognizing that the most important works of abolition are happening in these carceral spaces as we speak.

if any followers have other resources about prison abolition that they want to add on, feel free!

[jimmy-tulparco-pilot]

any tips for writing a character with NPD?

Actually, yes! but i think the main thing is doing research, and when i say research, i mean from books written by psychologists and psychiatrists, and obviously reports from people who have the disorder and victims of people who have NPD.

But i think the most important thing for this is to remember, people with mental disorders are humans, and so on they shouldn't be villanized, NPD is a neutodivergency, that is mostly advent from trauma, specially related parenting, usually neglectful and narcissistic parents(not necessarily NPD parents) creates Narcisistic adults, there's a lot of books of how victims of narcissistic parents survived their childhood.

Another thing that i find very important is corelate comportament, someone with NPD has usually (since its a disorder its not obligatory for them to have that and people can react to it different) this caracteristics:

they always either put themselves up or victimised themself towards other people in an attempt to get an upper hand.

They tend to be manipulative to exactly bring someone and sometimes even themself that they are not to blame about anything, evwn if it is their blame they usually has this tendency to gaslight people.

People with NPD have a hard time taking responsability, they are scared of consequences and the idea of being wrong and breaking theirs mask of perfection is very hurtful to them. They feel the need to be right so they have a hard time even apologizing even when they regret and remorse and feel guilty and the idea of it can even lead to aggression and impulsive thinking. Being discovered is a big thing for them.

now a bit of a lower area, narcisistic people tend to have lowself eesteem and even if thats contradictory thats what tends to happen, the kid that was never reaffirmat2d by their parents, no matter how hard they tried to be good or better or the best will do anything to not feel that again, they live in a fantasy world where they are better and they NEED to be better and not reqching that is so hurtful that can lead to even self harm (ive seen it happen even) and i mean it as in both the grandiose and Vulnerable narcissist. Even if the grandiose makes it mess obvious.

now just out of definition:

Narcissism refers to a personality style typically characterized by a pervasive pattern of self-centeredness, an excessive need for admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others.

it has two subtypes usually that is the vulnerable narcissist and the Grandiose narcissist

While narcissists typically exhibit grandiosity, arrogance, and a sense of superiority, vulnerable narcissists manifest these traits in a more subdued, insecure, and sensitive manner – to write one you need to undertand them and specially understand that NPD is a sickness the persons brain works in a different way and yes they will be mean, they will be arrogant, they will be awful and a asshole and you need to be delicate when approaching this topic specially to not just give a sense of he is **Just** awful. The struggle is important to be shown too, either way this is just my experience. im not a professional just a person who reaaally likes to study lol

I've dealt with a lot of narcissistic people, my auntie has undiagnosed NPD, my mom is narcisistic and i have a friend who has Diagnosed NPD and i find it very valuable how people evolvd through it. Anyway! hope that was of any help take care

(If i was offensive or wrote something you think it was wrong or mean please leave a comment i dont mind CONSTRUCTIVE criticism)

[jiraivampdoll]

jirai to me...? this won't be for everyone. some of these might seem too surrealist to be about anything but I promise they very much are deeper than just "trippy dreamscape". if you love abstraction (like me) you'll probably know these movies. if you don't enjoy the bizzare, I've included some here that are straightforward. cw for gore, suicide, abuse, rape and exploitation. much love fellow landmines, take care of yourself please. though i personally loooove watching movies that hurt me because it's how i feel alive

TAG (Real Onigokko or Riaru Onigokko) 2015 is a subtle movie about rape, sexual exploitation, lack of access to abortion and suicide. these are themes and not overt depictions, but it is VERY graphic (gore)

it had to be subtle because it is taboo to talk about. it is a wild adaptation of a book (Riaru Onigokko) and is hardly related to the book and therefore the other film adaptations of the book as it's interested in exploring a different thesis and was targeted at the sort of men who enjoyed the original novel & movie adaptions. it's sort of surrealist and therefore confusing, but it is definitely talking about very important shit.

Perfect Blue (Pâfekuto Burû) this movie created Black Swan. Black Swan is a Westernization of Perfect Blue. I have SO MUCH to say about this movie, PB is one of my top 3 fav of all time, but I refuse to clog this post up with too much babbling. cw for rape depicted. this movie is about dealing with trauma via dissociation, not a choice (as it isn't) but as a mechanism for surviving horrific events.

Paprika (Papurika) 2006. if you can't handle Perfect Blue, please do not watch Paprika. it's PB on hardmode. Paprika is about the psychiatric institution and it's politics, as well as trauma (dissociation) repressed memories and the ideal self vs the actual self. if you like SEL (Serial Experiments Lain) you may enjoy Paprika. it is very abstract (like PB) but still very on the nose.

Pearl. This movie wouldn't exist without Perfect Blue, but it is a whole separate beast. It's SO good. this is about dealing with an abusive mother, with allusions to an incestuous father. as someone with both & as a result, many mental health conditions, Pearl feels like a VERY BPD & maladaptive daydreaming disorder character. some argue that she's not, it's all interpersonal/interpretation, so if she isn't to you, that's cool.

Black Swan. the Perfect Blue adaptation you've seen everywhere on tumblr, and likely even seen. it's a tamer version of PB and less surrealist, but still dealing with the same topics and even some new ones (sexploitation in ballet, repressed homosexuality) as a former ballet dancer, I really love this movie. it speaks to me.

Hard Candy. this movie is everything to me, but a bit too much for most. cw for pedophilia, child sexually exploitive material, sexual abuse of children and suicide. this is a revenge film. as a victim of CSEM and childhood sexual exploitation and abuse, I love this movie. it's so fucking satisfying.

please feel free to send me asks or DMs about movies, I'm a huge movie watcher as I love analyzing the themes in art. to date I've seen thousands of movies. international, Hollywood blockbuster, indie, horror to slice of life, I love movies and I collect them as a hobby. if you want a more thorough dissection of these or any other movies I recommend, drop by and chat because I have so many movie recs that aren't really jirai but are adjacent!

jirai media recommendations (feel free 2 suggest more)

some r still ongoing btw

-Young Adult Matters

movie (2021)

tw: sh, substance abuse, bullying, violence, gore, prostitution, death, sa, homelessness, sexual content, abuse, profanity, unwanted pregnancy (prob more im forgetting)

-Tomorrow I’m gonna be someone’s girlfriend

manga (2019-2024) and tv show (2022-2023)

tw: sh, profanity, sexual content, violence, substance abuse (again prob more im forgetting)

-Kairiki Bear

musician

song suggestions: darling dance, bug, failure girl, villain

-Isana

musician

song suggestions: Menhera Janai Mon!, Loved Smoothie

-Sensitive Boy

manga (2022-2024)

tw: sexual themes, sa, sh, violence (prob more i still need 2 read it ngl)

-Sentimental Death Loop

video game (2023)

tw: death, partial nudity, sexual themes, profanity, sh, suicide, violence, gore,

-Needy Streamer Overload

game (2022)

tw: sh, sexual themes, violence, substance abuse, blood, profanity, death, cults, vomiting (prob more that im forgetting)

-Strawberry Painkiller

musician

song suggestions: Bloodsucking Dreams, Grave Skull, Thousand Knives, Sugar Truth, Pharmakeia

-Candye Syrup

musician

song suggestions: idol of death, sweet suicide, C♡S.I.S

-Hookah Haze

game (2024)

tw: death, terminal illness, stalking, substance abuse (its just hookah im pretty sure but still gonna include the warning lmao)

-Magical Girl Site

anime (2018) and manga (2014-2019)

tw: bullying, violence, suicide, abuse, blood (prob more i havent finished it)

feel free 2 suggest more! out of all of these i suggest young adult matters, kairiki bear, nso, and strawberry painkiller the most!

[noxlysium]

Why Jean is so important to me

Welcome to my insane ramblings, enjoy your stay (or don't). Most of this is also very self-indulgent, by the way. Warning: Mentions of abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, self-destructive thoughts I'd also like to remind you that this isn't me justifying Jean's behavior in any way, he's a fucking asshole and doesn't know how to handle Harry, or himself. They're both flawed individuals and that's okay. This is just me talking about my own experiences. Now that we got that out of the way, let's get to the actual thing.

I'm not even sure where to start. When I first found out Jean had clinical depression, I immediately felt a connection. It's relatable. Very relatable, in fact. I myself have been depressed for years. It all started at a young age, I was about 13, but due to trauma it could be very much earlier than that. I don't remember much from my childhood because most of it are bad memories. I'm 21 now and still going through a lot of shit, so it's been about 8 years. Jean strikes me as a guy who has been fucked over his entire life, no matter where he goes or what he does. It always comes back to him. After I have finished DE for the first time and looked more into the lore of Jean and Harry, I started to notice the similarities between the relationship with him and Harry, and the relationship with me and my own parents.

I know what alcohol does to people, I've seen it all. And it's not great for either parties. I'm stuck in a repetitive cycle of wanting to help someone to get better, only to realize that they don't want to get better and then I start building hope again. Rinse and repeat. I know I cannot change them. But I keep hoping for a change anyway, and get upset when it never comes. Of course it doesn't. No matter what I've tried. I have tried so many times. I'm a fucking hypocrite because I sometimes drink as well. I don't want to become like them. I drink for fun every once in a while and try to not over-do it, because every time I touch alcohol, something in the back of my mind tells me I'm becoming like my father. I thought about smoking a few times, but I don't want to destroy myself like my mother does. I'm really fucking scared of smoking and its consequences. Which is funny, because I should be as scared when it comes to alcohol, but I'm not. They both drink every day at 3 pm, after work. Every single day.

And it has been like this for years. Nothing has ever changed. A few months ago I had an actual discussion with my parents. We usually never have these sort of conversations (That's the issue, by the way. A very big lack of communication. Does that ring any bells?) and I was actually surprised when they told me they wanted to lay off the alcohol. I tried to approach the topic carefully and even offered them help (therapy etc.) but.. they also didn't want that. They straight up told me they don't need help. Which is really fucking frustrating because I want them to understand that they do, but they don't care.

I know change is really fucking hard and I've been there, but my parents had so many opportunities to change and never took them. Nothing has changed for so many years and I'm tired of it. I'm waiting for a change to happen but I know it's never coming anyway. I'm tired, mad, disappointed. That's how Jean feels about Harry, he just doesn't know how to help him and is an ass about it. And I'm just letting it happen, because there's nothing else I can do. I'm watching them destroy themselves every day and it fucking hurts. Something in me still feels a tiny flame of hope, when in reality that flame is already extinguished. I want people to understand, my father really fucking reminds me of Harry. The emotional abusive, the physical abuse, the alcoholism, the sexist remarks.. It just screams Harry. Especially given with how he had been around people Pre-Martinaise, which I have read in the game inside the damaged ledger. The fact that I love Harry to a certain degree says a lot of things.

The marriage between my parents is like if Dora never left Harry, and it's fucking awful.

-

That is mostly why I can relate to Jean so much. There's also some smaller things and I'll get to those now.

He fucking sucks at feelings. You can see it with the way he's trying to handle Harry, and it's not working.. Which, yeah. I suck at those too.

He likes to hide his sadness underneath a layer of cynicism and sarcasm as a coping method.. I do this all the fucking time.

Let's face it, this man is a fucking nervous wreck. He picks at his facial hair and displays a lot more habits like that, like him fixing his clothes (even though they look clean, according to one of the skills in the game), running his hand through his hair.. I do this without even realizing it.

He's depressed and fucking empty on the inside. He most likely hasn't felt real love from anyone or for himself in years. He needs therapy (lots of it), anti-depressants and a hug.. And I know what that feels like. I know it too well.

Lastly, he's a fucking mess. Like in every single way imaginable.. Again, very relatable.

Jean is such an amazing character for me to project on, to relate to and to find comfort in. I'm glad they made him fucked up, because that's what I love about him. He has so many flaws and I love every single one of them. He's in the game for like 15 minutes or less, but the impact he's had on me is insane. I've had a fair share of characters I would obsess over, but Jean hits different.

I'm so glad Jean-Heron Vicquemare exists, because I wouldn't know where I would be if I never met him. I want to thank my lovely friend (who is not on here, but I'm still saying it because I care about him a lot) for gifting me this amazing game.

And I want to thank you for reading this mess of a post.

If you have made it this far, I want to show you one last thing.

[chillicoded]

Lando Norris is NOT an underdog.

This is NOT Lando hate. I don't endorse or tolerate hate towards ANY driver. This is just an opinion.

I had a conversation with somebody on Bumble about the Norris/Verstappen championship battle this season. I was for Verstappen, he was for Norris - no problem whatsoever in itself. After Max's absolute dominance last season, I really can't blame anyone for being bored of Max winning and wanting to see a new driver succeeding. But what Got My Goat is that he said the reason he wants Lando to win the WDC is because "he's an underdog". I sent a (pretty lengthy) message back on why I really don't think Lando qualifies as an underdog, and he never got back to me to defend his position. Maybe I scared him off, or maybe he just wasn't on Bumble to debate the nuances of what it means to be an underdog. Either way, I figured the topic would make a good first opinion post because I'm more likely to get a discussion out of it here, plus I have extra thoughts to add.

To me, an underdog is somebody who is disadvantaged because of the external resources available to them, in comparison to those they are competing against. For an F1 driver, that's the car, the team, the strategy, the experience they have in F1, the track (not just condition, but whether or not it suits their car) and momentary bursts of luck, among countless other variables. A good "underdog coming out on top" narrative comes from a person or character (in this case a driver) performing well or succeeding despite lacking the ideal resources to do so.

It's important to note that I don't think skill counts as an external resource. I also think skill is hard to measure. I personally would measure it in terms of results, consistency and versatility, but even within that, I feel like you need to take all of the external factors into account. For example, DNFing or dropping way back because of a collision, bad luck with the car or a botched pit stop would make a dent in a driver's consistency and results, but it doesn't mean they're less skilled.

Underdog narratives do exist in F1. The Alpine double podium in Brazil was a great underdog narrative. The Alpine car is hardly competitive most of the time. At the start of the season it was an absolute tractor. I don't know enough about the team, strategies, pit stops, etc. to comment on those, but regardless, I don't think anyone was expecting a double podium from them this season because Alpine just hasn't been competing at the front of the field. Yet, despite all that, both drivers finished on the podium and scored mad points in easily the most unpredictable race of the season.

Franco Colapinto performing well and scoring points, despite being dumped into Williams mid-season with a firmly midfield car and no experience, is also an underdog narrative. He's far outperformed Logan Sargeant already and has been battling with some of the most experienced drivers on the grid, and coming out on top. I don't think anyone was expecting all this from him when he was first brought into F1. Personally I saw a lot of people saying that they were booting out one underprepared F2 driver, and replacing him with another underprepared F2 driver. I was part of that crowd too. Sorry Franco. I was not familiar with your game.

Even Carlos Sainz's win at Singapore last year could be considered an underdog narrative. Sure, he started on pole and he's an experienced driver, but everyone was an underdog compared to Red Bull (mainly Max) last year, and Ferrari didn't have a great car or great strategies. He did have the luck of Max being practically out of sight, having been outqualified by Liam Lawson in an AlphaTauri (another great underdog moment, by the way), but it still takes skill to keep the lead, and his strategic use of Lando goes to show that even further than just the win itself.

These are just a few recent examples. Think about them. Seriously deep them. Revel in how they make you feel.

Now think about Lando's performance this season.

His first win in Miami was great. At the time, I was still a hardcore Lando supporter and I was absolutely thrilled. A few laps before the end of the race, when it became apparent that he was almost definitely going to win, I was already celebrating for him. It had been a long time coming and it was amazing to see him realising the potential I knew he and McLaren had. He's won twice more this season so far, and both times he was ahead by a country mile at the chequered flag. Aside from that first ever win, though, his other impressive performances this year haven't quite evoked the same emotion as my previous examples. That sense that he's overcoming disadvantages and delivering even when the odds are stacked against him just isn't there for me. Why is that?

There's no denying that he's a skilled driver. Three wins in a season with 7 different race winners (6 of whom have won multiple races) isn't too bad at all. He's also been relatively consistent throughout the year, never finishing a race outside the points. He's even been able to adapt to a range of tracks and weather conditions. For example, he finished P6 after the rain and chaos of Brazil, which threw off even some of the other skilled drivers mentioned above like Sainz and Colapinto.

But we're not here to discuss whether or not he's skilled. We're here to discuss whether or not he's an underdog.

Honestly, did you even read the title?

Anyway. Skill doesn't make someone an underdog. I established that earlier. If skill makes someone an underdog, Max Verstappen is probably the underest dog on the current grid, and that's obviously not the case. We need to look into those external factors I mentioned above: things like car, strategy, luck and experience, in comparison to what other drivers have had to work with this year. The less he has, the more of an underdog it makes him.

First and foremost, McLaren's strategies this year have been pretty abysmal. The terrible calls made in instances like the Hungarian Grand Prix and the lack of calls made in instances like Monza lap one have been enough to make me stop supporting McLaren as a team altogether. They insisted that they weren't prioritising the drivers' championship, but with the constructors' practically secured, I honestly find that hard to believe. If it is true, they've been doing a disservice to both drivers: to Lando by not giving proper attention to his very real championship chances, and to Oscar by ordering him to give up positions for Lando and act as a second driver at certain points, apparently for no real reason. Overall, McLaren's strategies have been in Lando's favour at times, but they've rarely been good. It's hard for me to compare McLaren's strategy calls to other teams, though, simply because I don't know enough about other teams' strategy calls. Maybe all the teams have been equally rubbish with strategy this year, so it technically hasn't been putting Lando at a disadvantage. I wouldn't know. If you have any insight on this, let me know and I might make a second, more definitive post about this.

As for luck, Lando has had bouts of both good luck and bad luck so far this year. He had some good luck in Miami, ultimately facilitating his first win, and he had some hard luck in Austria with his collision with Verstappen and Baku with qualifying. I'm not at all suggesting that Lando didn't deserve his first win (honestly, I don't believe that "deserving" matters in this sport at all), but I don't think he would've won that first race without the luck of the safety car, and I'm not sure he would've performed as well as he has without the confidence boost from that first win. With the car he's had this season (and I'll talk about that next), it would've come eventually, but I really do think that momentary burst of luck has been a really important factor in shaping this season for Lando. It has definitely had more of an effect than his moments of poor luck. I think few other lucky instances have had as much of an effect for a team or driver, except maybe Alpine's performance in Brazil.

His car has been a seriously influential factor, too. Of course, no driver's success is all because of the car; the driver and the car always go hand in hand. A less skilled driver can't properly handle a good car (see Pérez) and even a good driver can rarely drag performance that isn't there out of a tractor (see Bottas at Sauber). But, like his luck, the MCL38 has massively facilitated Lando's ability to perform this year. It's a car that has been capable of winning races by over twenty seconds, creating final laps that are reminiscent of Max's dominance last season. That alone begs the question, why has Lando not been performing consistently at that level? Where exactly does the balance of success lie between Lando and his car?

It's definitely worth taking into consideration that top teams this year have certainly given Lando a lot of competition to deal with this year. Even with a dominant car, with around six other drivers able to put up a fight against Lando, he's not in as dominant a position as Max was last year. But there is a difference in skill in certain areas, and it shows in moments like Lando's first lap bottles from pole compared to Max's perfect starts last year, for example. Lando is just not as polished a driver as some of his competitors, and that is something that naturally comes with more experience.

It's hard to say Lando lacks experience, though. 2024 is his fifth season in F1. He's not always had a great car, but now that he does have one, it's clear to see that he knows how to handle it decently well. Compared to Oscar Piastri, though, it doesn't look like his experience is giving him the competitive edge you'd expect. With four years of experience over his teammate, you'd think Lando would be performing at a much higher level, but that just isn't the case. As a quick example, Oscar's average finishing position this season is 4.9. Lando's is only 0.8 higher at 4.1. With that difference in experience, you'd expect a much higher gap in performance... or at least I would. Maybe I'm wrong for that. Let me know.

Overall, I really don't think Lando is at any kind of serious disadvantage that would make it fair to call him an underdog. He has issues thanks to McLaren's strategic blunders, sure, but the rest of his problems are pretty much skill issues. Call me back with the notion of an "underdog narrative" when Ollie Bearman is in the championship fight in a Haas next year.