#and i feel like ive been trying to introduce them to aggressively too soon and i feel like such a bad pet parent

[battlemp3]

trying not to cry at the vet 😵‍💫

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Crimson Ties (Bela Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 2

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village

Rating: T for language and mild medical drama

Warnings: Typical Vampire shenanigans

Genre: Hurt + comfort

Summary: Bela is somewhat unprepared to deal with a soulmate who has no clue about her condition, her family, or any of the village's secrets. Thankfully, her sister Cassandra is more than willing to be a bad example. Also there's some fluff.

Notes: For reference, each of my soulmate stories take place in their own contained timeline, since they each involve different types of soulmates. So in this one, Cass doesn't currently have a soulmate.

Previous Chapters: 1: Stem the Flow

2: Tangled Strands

A gentle humming fills the space around you, as fingers slowly run through your hair. As far as you can tell you had fallen back asleep, for several hours, and you were just now waking back up. No longer holding you down, your soulmate is curled up next to you. There’s still a needle in your arm, much to your irritation, but now you can finally see what it’s connected to: An IV for a transfusion. Explains why I’m feeling so much better than before, you think. Then you’re turning your head to the other side, eager to finally get a good look at your soulmate. Instantly you’re blushing, tongue tying itself into a knot, because wow are you lucky.

“Feeling any better?” She asked, as soon as your gaze met hers. You try to stutter out a confirmation, but you’re too distracted by the soft curve of her smile to speak, and barely even manage a nod. That beautiful smile grows wider in response. “Good. I couldn’t stand the thought of you suffering more, after what you’ve already been through.” Now her smile fades, and she looks away for a few moments. Watching it makes your heart ache. So you swallow the lump in your throat, willing yourself to relax, before trying a little comforting of your own.

“I am safe now, am I not? Moreso, we have too much to talk about for us to dwell on the ill circumstances of our introduction. Let us cherish this time, in respite, with our hearts open wide to one another,” you said, donning your softest smile. Somehow your words fulfill their purpose, and your soulmate is once again grinning. Slowly she leans forward to rest her forehead against yours. Then she’s speaking, voice as smooth as the sheets you lay on.

“You are right, of course. I simply wish I could have saved you sooner,” she replied, tone betraying the sadness that her expression otherwise hid. Before you can protest, she continues talking, and you soon forget all about your qualms. “To think I don’t even know your name yet… nor you mine, I suppose. Let’s remedy that, yes? I am Bela Dimitrescu.” Something about her last name feels familiar to you, but not to the point of clear recognition. Instead of inquiring, you return her favor, giving her your own name. She repeats it back a few times, letting the syllables roll off her tongue, and you feel your heart skip a few beats. “A lovely name for a lovely soul, perfectly paired.”

A pause, followed by Bela reaching out to examine your IV. Following her gaze, you turn to the metal hook adjacent to the bed, where a blood bag hangs. Only a few drops remain inside. Just as when you first awoke, Bela gives a soft hum, then rises into a sitting position. Your first instinct is to copy the motion, and you’re relieved when (this time) she doesn’t push you back down. Both of you quietly inch your hands closer until they’re laid on top of each other.

“I wish I knew more about medicine, but unfortunately my family is more experienced in the creation of wounds than the treatment of them,” Bela said, scowling. Confused, you tilt your head at a slight angle, watching her with interest. Am I supposed to know who she’s referring to? My memories of the past couple days are still hazy, you think. “Do… do you remember how you ended up in the dungeon? I know you wanted to speak of happier things, and we can, soon. It’s just… Knowing how you arrived here may help me deal with the consequences of freeing you. Mother will be dreadfully upset that I’ve interrupted a draining, even if we are soulmates.”

“Wait, are you saying…? The intimidating giantess who strung me up and attempted to bleed me dry… is your mother?” You asked, jaw nearly dropping to the floor. This was an unexpected development, for sure.

“You didn’t know?” Bela replied, eyes going wide for a moment. Clearly she wouldn’t have said anything if she realized you weren’t already aware. Suddenly the tension in the room is palpable, with an uncomfortable silence overtaking the two of you. In the moment, you cannot even bring yourself to look at Bela, too stunned by this new knowledge. Eventually she breaks the silence, voice sounding unsure for once. “I realize that this is a lot to take in, if you need time to process it, I… I can go. But you need to understand that our situation is far more complicated than it might appear. We cannot survive without the blood of others- it is what sustains us when nothing else can.”

Now you’re staring at her like she’s crazy, and she’s standing up, moving to the other side of the room. She draws back a curtain, gazing out into the snow covered hills. Every muscle in your body is urging you to run while she’s distracted. Thread of fate be damned, this went far beyond anything you had ever imagined having to deal with. You come so close to ripping the IV right out of your arm. But a gentle tug on your soul string makes you pause, remembering all the times this bond gave you hope in dark times. Had she felt the same way, all these years? What had she gone through, in this absurd castle, on the very edges of civilization? You pull on the red thread, feeling a wave of composure wash over you.

“It appears there is much I need to learn. But is that not the very nature of our connection? We know, simply, that we are bound to each other, though we know not what shapes our souls take so that we might put them together, nor even what roles we must play. I cannot say that I understand your plight, my dear, but I will try, as is my obligation, and my honor,” you said, wishing you could hold her, and cursing your IV. As soon as the first word leaves your mouth, Bela is turning around, watching you with a bittersweet expression. Once you’re done she’s moving closer, as if reading your mind, extending a hand to cup your cheek. Then she leans forward to press a brief kiss to your forehead. “Oh, how I have longed for this- to be with you, to get to know you.”

“As did I,” she murmured. You can’t help but lean into her touch, closing your eyes and enjoying the moment. “Perhaps I should introduce you to my family? I imagine you’ll be needing breakfast anyway, and bringing human food back to my quarters would raise more suspicion than I’d like.” Well, the moment couldn’t last forever, could it?

“Only if you promise that your mother won’t suspend me by my wrists again. Or by any other part of me. Shall we simply put suspension off the table altogether?” You asked, half teasing. To be entirely honest, you were equally worried about Bela’s sisters. Well, the people you had heard other prisoners whispering about, who were the daughters of the giantess, and by connecting a few dots were also, presumably, Bela’s sisters. Apparently they preferred to play with their food. Unless, of course, Bela was one of the daughters you had heard about, and would have easily torn into you if not for your connection. Let’s not dwell on that concept, you think, glad to be distracted by your soulmate.

“I will not let anyone harm you anymore, my beloved. My mother would not stand so firmly in the way of my happiness,” Bela reassured, though you detected a hint of uncertainty in her tone. Still, there wasn’t much you could do other than trust her. “Now, let me take care of your bandages, then we’ll head downstairs…”

---------------------------------

“Who the fuck is this?” An unfamiliar voice asked, as you meandered down the corridor, arm around Bela for support. As soon as she hears the person speak, your soulmate is freezing in place, casting a worried glance over her shoulder. When you turn as well, you spot someone dressed almost identically to Bela. However, the woman wears a yellow pendant, as opposed to a red one, and her hair is a dark brown. It feels safe to assume that she’s one of the sisters you’ve heard about. Which understandably makes you nervous, to the point where you almost want to hide behind Bela. Instead, you stand tall, attempting to seem unfazed by either her presence or her vulgarity.

“Mind your manners, Cassandra,” Bela hissed, taking more of an aggressive stance than you had anticipated. “This, dear sister, is my soulmate. And if you even think about harming them, or getting in our way, I will tear you apart.” While you’re downright shocked at the intensity of Bela’s statement, her sister doesn’t look at all impressed, and eyes you with minimal interest. Better than looking at you with hatred, right? Apparently not, as Bela moves to stand between the two of you, eyes narrowed. There’s a clear stiffness in her posture that leaves you anxious. Cassandra seems to notice it as well, and laughs, before taking a few steps in your direction. Then your soulmate mimics the movement, forcing you to do so as well.

“They’re human,” Cassandra snapped, pausing to sniff the air and scowl. “Here I thought your soulmate would have to be special, if they’re to compare to your ego. You’re disappointed, aren’t you? Having to settle for this.” With that she shifts, flesh writhing, making your stomach churn as you watch her disintegrate into a cloud of… flies? What the hell is wrong with this family? Can Bela do that too? I hope not, you think. Soon you’re pulled from your thoughts, however, as the swarm circles around you, single insects occasionally surging forward to cut at your skin. But Bela is grabbing you by the sleeve and tugging you to her chest, moving against a wall so that her body shielded your own. Your eyes clamp shut as you shake in her arms. When the buzzing stops, it is quickly replaced with cruel laughter. “That fragile, hmm? I can’t wait to see what mother thinks. See you at breakfast, sister!”

Then the two of you are alone, still pressed against the wall, staying still until the sound of footsteps fade. You’re stunned, unsure of how to react. The fact that a few drops of blood roll down your cheek only makes things worse. Still, Bela managed to prevent you from getting too hurt, and the few wounds on your body are negligible. Ever filled with gratitude, you hold her close as you try to stutter out a few sentences.

“Is she always this hostile, or am I truly not what you had expected? No, pay me no mind, it hardly matters. Thank you for protecting me,” you whispered. In response, Bela gives you a little squeeze, then pulls back enough to wipe the blood from your face. There’s a hint of something odd in her expression, which you interpret to be related to her apparent ‘need for blood’. Thankfully, she is in perfect control, and does not frenzy the same way you had read about fictional vampires doing. But she does hesitate, words dying on her tongue, like there are a thousand things she wants to say, and no words to say them with. “It’s alright, my dear. Let’s just go to breakfast, like we planned, and hope your sister behaves better when supervised.”

Bela nods, quickly, before taking your hand in her own. Whatever awaited you in the dining room, the two of you would be ready. Hopefully.

[missmonsters2]

Between the Lines || X

PAIRING: Steve Rogers & Fem!Reader (Platonic) / Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader / Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader / Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader x Wanda Maximoff

Summary: Vampire AU. Life has changed drastically since the 1600s. Things are always on the move, and you’ve been very careful to not get on SHIELDs radar. Living on the down-low owning a café, you’re content to live out a quiet existence. That is until the Avengers enter your life.

[Set after the New York Invasion, in CAWS, and goes up to AoU. Canon divergent after.]

Warnings: This series will contain smut(**), poly-relationship, and dark themes.

Note: Oof I came back and DELIVERED 👏👏 it’s really long I’m sorry. I legit said we’re ending this arc today LOL

PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V || PART VI || PART VII || PART VIII || PART IX

PART X of XX

Count: 11,007

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There's something about the way the golden sky hits the horizon of this quiet countryside field.

It's quiet.

At least in comparison to the city.

You like the tall grass that surrounds the stand-alone home. The air is cleaner, crisper. There's a serene peace that settles in the area, and it makes you nostalgic for things you haven't had.

You can hear children running around inside, and the sink running in the kitchen along with food sizzling. Looking over at Natasha, there's a softness that has fallen over her face, a look you're somewhat familiar with, but in a different context.

This might be home for her, too, you realize.

"A safe house?" Tony tilts his head as everyone stares at the farmhouse.

"Let's hope," Clint mutters as everyone enters into the house. "Honey, I'm home!"

You tilt your head, curious when the woman you assume to be Clint's wife walks into the kitchen. You knew she was carrying based on the conversation you overhead, but you were still surprised to find her heavily pregnant.

She was due soon.

"Hi, company," Clint says in a rush as he gives her a kiss on the cheek. "Sorry, I didn't call ahead."

"Hey," the woman replies as she kisses Clint. You hear Tony make a comment to Thor about the strangeness of this, but you were focused on her stomach.

You tilted your head as you could hear its heartbeat.

"Gentlemen and gentle...women," Clint stares at you and Natasha. "This is Laura. My wife."

"I know all your names," Laura smiles while everyone looks at her rather awkwardly because no one but Natasha, you and, David knew about her.

David seemed the most curious, but he has always loved kids and got along with them easily.

"You're due soon," he tells Laura with a smile as he sneaks around you to stand closer to inspect Laura respectfully.

"You can tell?" Laura looks down at her stomach as David nods.

"Yes," he says. "A couple months at the most."

"How can you tell?" Laura asks as you hear tiny rumbling footsteps running towards this room.

"We can smell it," David informs her.

"Incoming," Clint says, kneeling down as his son and daughter excitedly burst into the room.

"Dad!" His daughter jumps in Clint's arm. Clint picks her up as he stands and kisses his son's head.

"Tinier agents," Tony blinks at the scene while Steve looks completely flabbergasted.

"This is Lila and Cooper," Clint smiles softly.

"Did you bring Auntie Nat?" The little girl says, and Natasha turns as she smiles.

"Why don't you hug her and find out?" Natasha starts to walk while Lila runs into her arms.

Natasha picks her up with ease, holding her close as she kisses Lila on the cheek. She comes back to you and tense ever so slightly before you relax.

Of course, you spent a lot of time with Allison as you took care of her, but sometimes, being around young kids would cause just a quick flashback of the ones you couldn't save.

Natasha smiles at you, and you return it lightly.

"This is Lila," Natasha introduces you to her and then telling Lila your name.

"Is she your friend?" Lila asks as she stares at you, and Natasha laughs.

"Yes, she's...my special friend," Natasha looks at you with a smirk to which you roll your eyes gently in response.

"I like your braids," you tell Lila softly, who smiles shyly at you in thanks.

"Sorry to drop by in like this," Steve says to Laura.

"Yeah, we would've, but we were too busy not knowing you existed," Tony chirped in.

Clint smiles as he stands next to his wife and has his hand on Cooper's shoulder.

"Yeah, Fury helped me set this up and kept it off SHIELD's files. I'd like to keep it that way, I figured this is a good place to lay low."

Laura laughed suddenly, and everyone turned to see David giving family photos to her.

"Okay, as low as we can," Clint corrects.

Natasha sets down Lila as she drags you closer to Laura.

"Ah, honey, I missed you," Laura pulls Natasha into a hug before giving you a kind smile.

Your nose twitches as you get closer, and you can smell Laura's pregnancy in more detail.

"And how's little Natasha?" Natasha coos as she bends down to touch Laura's stomach gently.

"You mean Nathaniel?" David snickers and you elbow him in the rib.

"What?" Natasha says as she stands up, looking at David before she turns back to Laura.

"Sorry," Laura gives her an apologetic look that confirms what David said.

Natasha leans back down to Laura's stomach, "Traitor."

"Thor," Steve calls out.

You turn your attention as Thor leaves the house with Steve following him.

You hear Thor say how he saw something in his dream and how he won't find his answers here before flying off.

Everyone seems to have reached their limit and wants to get some rest. You, Natasha, and David decided to stay in one room since the two of you don't sleep. David said he'd be out working on a lot of other things anyways.

"Mind if I shower first?" He asks you and Natasha.

"Go for it," Natasha nods.

"If you use all the hot water, I'll kill you," you tell him, and David just pretends to look offended that you would even insinuate he would before walking off.

You could hear Clint and Laura talking in the next room where he's updating her on the mission and what he'll do once this mission is done. You try to drown it out as you turn and focus on Natasha before you.

"How are you feeling?" You ask softly as you lift your hand to her face.

Natasha presses more firmly into your hold. A part of her wishes she could feel the warmth of your actual hand, but she doesn't want to push you, and you were clearly nowhere ready to touch her with your bare hands.

It didn't stop her from fantasizing about it, though.

"Better," Natasha rasps, "I've stopped hearing the lingering voices."

You nodded, using your thumb to stroke her cheek.

"How was it?" Natasha asks, breaking the silence, and you know what she's referring to.

Slowing dropping your hand, you went to sit at the seat beside the window.

"It was..." you sighed, "I don't know. Hard."

Natasha takes a seat next to you, combing her fingers through your hair, and your eyes fluttered at the serene feeling.

"Talk to me," Natasha softly says. She knows you've probably been refraining from trying to talk about it with her after that night. You must think she may not like it.

But Natasha doesn't care about such things like that. Tatyana was a big part of your life, and even though you haven't said anything about it yet, Natasha knows Wanda will be too.

In what capacity will depend on what you'll allow, what you think Natasha will allow.

"I suppose...I didn't expect her to look so much like Tatyana," you smile weakly. "Looking at her is like nearly looking at a spitting image. Pietro has similar features, being twins, but it's easier to ignore that he's a descendant."

Natasha nods, understanding as she continues to comb through your hair.

"I'm still working on confirming something," you tell her honestly.

"And if what you suspect is true?" Natasha asks.

You purse your lips.

"Then, we have a new set of problems."

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The day continues on, and everyone, for the most part, has freshened up. You leave Natasha to her own devices with showering even though earlier she had given you a look that suggested that they could save water if they showered together.

You had felt a hot liquid pool form in your lower stomach as you licked your lips.

But now was neither nor the time to engage in such activities, though you did give her a languid kiss before excusing yourself.

You could hear Tony and Steve talking--passive-aggressively arguing outside. You were about to go out to break it up when your eyes honed in on something.

"Just great," you huffed under your breath as you headed out to the field where there was a tractor.

"Thank you, Laura," a deep voice spoke as he caught your eye as you came up to them.

Laura greeted you, and you nodded in response as she slipped out to do her task.

"Maria tell you to come out here?" You asked, looking at Nick Fury.

"She thought it would be best for me to assess the situation," he shrugs. "I wanted a little word with Stark, anyways."

You shake your head. "Your words will mean nothing to him, you know."

"Then perhaps I should talk with you," Fury redirects. "I hear you're quite involved with this case."

You remain silent, not taking his bait.

"What do you suggest I do?" Fury says, curious about what you'll say.

Before you could answer, you hear Tony approaching, catching the two of you after looking at the tractor.

"Ah, Mrs. Barton, that little minx. What are the two of you doing here? Did Maria call you?" Tony asks as he turns to look at Fury.

"Artificial intelligence, you didn't even hesitate," Fury cocked his brow at Tony.

You tune out the two of them talking as you focus your attention elsewhere. You could hear Steve a little ways away, still ripping woods apart with his bare hands. Inside the house, you could hear the water being turned off, indicating that Natasha was done with her shower, and you decided you would go in soon to shower yourself before helping where you could.

"--you didn't," you catch the end of what Fury said before the man walked off, leaving you alone with the genius billionaire.

He was frustrated--annoyed, you could tell by just looking at his face. The light grimace and pinch between his eyebrow were a clear indication.

Tony catches you staring at him, looking miffed as he peers at you.

"Well, I suppose you have something to say, too, huh?" Tony mutters.

You take a long minute to stare at him, his conversation with Fury not lost on you.

"Not really," you say in the end. "Nothing I haven't already told you, anyways."

"Right, like my ego being too big, and I'm not the be-all, end-all."

You shrug. "No one is the be-all, end-all. If the world had to only rely on one man, we would've gone extinct before cavemen even had the chance to evolve."

"And I'm the man that's going to cause that," Tony persisted.

"No," you shook your head. "You know as well as I do that it was only your fear being shown to you."

"Do I?" Tony scoffed. "All I know is that I saw all my friends dead, and I caused it because I couldn't save them. Who are you to say it's not the future I saw?"

"Because she can't show you the future!" You burst at him, grimacing at your own outburst. You sigh, closing your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose. "That's not what her power is. In the best-case scenario, she can use telepathy to read your mind to experience your memories and thoughts, and then using that to project hallucinations onto you. In the worst-case scenario, she can use her powers to alter reality to make what she wants to come true. I don't think she's there yet."

"And how do you know all that?" Tony asks, narrowing his eyes at you.

"You know that I came on this mission for my own personal reasons."

"And what? That Maximoff girl is your personal reason?"

"They both are," you tell him. "Her powers aren't entirely unfamiliar to me. Different, yes, I imagine from the scepter, but not unfamiliar."

"I don't see the difference between her powers and my future." Tony blinks at you.

You grumbled, sighing as you try to explain. "It means, dumbass, that Wanda either doesn't realize that she can alter reality or that she doesn't have enough control of her powers to do so yet. I'm betting it's a mix of the two. I felt it when I fought with her. She's chaotic, and her powers are unrefined. Because of that, she can only snoop into your mind and then send you your worst fear in the form of a hallucination. You weren't shown the future, Tony, you were emotionally exploited."

You wanted Tony to understand, not so sure why you were so concerned with it. Tony, like everyone else, was a complex person with a multitude of different faces and layers. On the surface, he was a nonchalant, cocky dickhead (though, you were also sure some of that was truly him on the inside too), but he was also someone who cared.

A lot.

And people who tend to care a lot always overdid everything to protect everything and everyone they care about.

Tony was already hurting.

And Wanda was making it worse.

It was a painful reminder that Tatyana had hurt people too, and you couldn't stop her.

"How do you know that isn't the future for sure? How can you confirm that's not my legacy?" Tony murmurs quietly, looking at the sky as if the low volume would allow him to admit his fear without you hearing.

You stare at him for a long minute, biting your tongue before you draw a long sigh that gets Tony's attention.

Tony watches you, taking off one glove, pressing your lips together as you do so.

You hold out your hand to him.

"If you tell Natasha I touched you before her, I'll break your dick."

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Dinner is a pleasant affair. You had gone back into the kitchen swiftly after finishing your talk with Tony. Laura was starting to make dinner, and you let her know not to worry about you and David as the two of you don't eat.

You had taken a step out with David while everyone was bustling around before dinner. It had been a while since you last fed, and you had a feeling things were going to start happening back to back, and you needed to be prepared for it.

The two of you headed into town to the nearest hospital, compelling a nurse to bring you both a blood bag to feed on and forget.

It wasn't a lot, but it would be enough to get through the mission without damage, hopefully. You didn't want to end up taking too much from the hospital and causing a problem, even though the two of you were too far from your own stash.

It would've been better to go to a blood bank, but this town was so small they didn't have one.

You were sitting closely next to Natasha as she ate her dinner, your arm around her, and you fought the urge to hide your face into her neck.

"You should head to NEXUS in Oslo to pick up JARVIS," David tells Tony.

"Is that where he is?" Tony hums. "Smart guy to head to the fastest internet hub on the earth. I'm such a proud dad," Tony pretends to tear up.

"Great, you got one good kid and one fuck up, classic!" You say over Natasha's head while Tony scrunches his nose at you.

"Why did I come?" Fury muttered rather loudly. Seems like all the information he was bringing was already brought up by David.

"For a good time, boss. But you wouldn't happen to have anything else, would you?" Natasha pulled a piece of her bread apart.

"I have you," Fury shrugged. "We ain't got nothing but our wit and our will to save the world. So stand up and take out that platinum bastard."

"Steve doesn't like that kind of talk," Natasha teases.

"You know what, Romanoff?" Steve jokingly threatens while she smiles mischievously at him.

You had been only half-focusing on the conversation at hand, jumping in here and there to throw in remarks. You were thrumming your fingers at your side quietly.

There was something about that first night you had all encountered Ultron.

"So, what does he want?" Fury asked.

"To become better. Better than us. He keeps building bodies," Steve licked his bottom lip.

"Person bodies. We're outmoded, biologically speaking, but he keeps coming back to it," Tony leaned back in his chair.

"He wants the human race to evolve; therefore, he needs to evolve himself," Banner mused.

"I don't think evolving the human race is his goal," David muttered.

"How's he going to do that?" Fury asked.

And then it occurred to you.

"Has anyone talked to Dr. Cho?" You pursed your lips.

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There was a lot of noise as everyone was getting ready to leave the Barton household.

Thor was still out on his own, so no one held high hopes he would be coming back for this one.

"Alright, I'll head to you guys as soon as I collect JARVIS from NEXUS," Tony, lets everyone know.

"I'll take David and Banner to the Stark Tower," Fury said. " "Mind if I borrow Miss Hill?"

"All yours," Tony nodded. "What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know, something dramatic, I hope," Fury shrugs.

"Alright, everyone else goes with me," Steve attached his shield onto his back.

You nod as you stood next to Natasha.

"You know, I miss the days when I was the weirdest thing science created," Steve mused.

"What do you mean?" You looked at him with a smirk. "You still are."

"I swear to God--"

"Swearing is not good, Steve," Natasha joined in on the teasing.

"I hate you both," Steve shook his head with a good spirit.

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There was something that rubbed you the wrong way when you entered the laboratory.

Sparks from exposed wires filled the air, and you could smell blood and hear the shallow breathing of a woman.

You recognized the scent.

"Dr. Cho is in there," you say quietly for Steve to hear, and the two of you race in to see that she was sitting on the floor, resting against a cabinet as she was clutching her stomach tightly. She had blood dripping from her head and lips, but she was still alive.

"Dr. Cho!" Steve called out as he race to her, bending down to see if she was okay.

"He's uploading himself into the body," Dr. Cho heavily breathes. "You can't just destroy the cradle. You need to get it to Stark."

"I got to find it first," Steve tells her.

"Go," she nods in the direction of outside. He purses her lip at her, but she nods to let Steve know she'll be okay.

He starts to head out but then looks at you.

"I'll catch up," you say offhandedly as you bend down to assess the doctor.

She was bleeding profusely through her stomach, where Ultron shot her. Dr. Cho had done her best to stop the bleeding, but it started to soak through the cloth. You looked around to find her technicians dead, and you frowned.

"Maybe I will get your venom after all," Dr. Cho says with a smirk, bringing your attention back to her.

You cocked your brow at her with a smile. "It's quite the risqué position. I don't know if my girlfriend would like that."

"I'm sure she won't mind you helping a frail, dying girl," Dr. Cho jokes but winces in pain shortly after.

You snort at the word frail but lick your lips nonetheless. "Listen, Doc, I don't wanna catch you doing experiments on yourself after getting my venom, alright?"

She nods, and you lift her hand away along with the cloth. You lower herself down her body, feeling the venom pool in your mouth.

You hear her breath hitch, and you're not sure if it's because she's in pain. You remind yourself you need to be careful. While you could drink the blood that was pouring out from Dr. Cho, you opted not to.

Dr. Cho realized this as you were carefully licking her wound, feeling something amazing happening on her skin under your mouth as she was being healed.

"What a loyal girlfriend you are," Dr. Cho mutters.

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"I'm always picking up after you boys," Natasha grunts as she Steve's shield and gives it to you to hold.

You were on your way to Steve when Natasha dropped from the sky on a motorbike, and you found yourself hopping on the back of it as she passed you.

"Seriously, Steve, I've seen people treat their trash better than how often you drop this thing," you joke.

"Little busy, guys," Steve grunts back, "wouldn't say no to some help."

As you get closer to the truck where Ultron and Steve are, you whip his shield to him, and Steve uses it to knock Ultron's arm off of him. Ultron falls, catching sight of you two and uses his power to lift a piece of the ground up to stop Natasha in her tracks.

"Go!" Natasha tells you, and you get up on the motorbike before using your strength to propel yourself onto the truck as you leap.

Ultron sees you and immediately uses his ability to manipulate gravity to launch himself towards you.

But if Pietro was too quick for him, you were just a step behind. You blur to the side, back kicking him with a brute amount of force as Ultron passed you.

The strength of the kick alone had done a lot of damage. Your foot had impaled him halfway as he passed, bolts, and gears falling out of the hole you created.

"Look at us," you look at Steve, "we're a dream team."

"I always wanted to tag team with you," Steve smiles.

"Of course you do," you say as if it was obvious, "I'm your favorite."

"Ugh!" Ultron screams as he flies into Steve's direction this time, but Steve uses the momentum to take them both into the train that was moving next to them.

You followed as you spoke into the intercom, "We're taking the party elsewhere. The truck's all yours with the surprise inside, baby."

"I love when you leave gifts for me, so romantic," Natasha cooed.

"Please stop, or I will vomit," Clint says.

You snort as you follow through the hole Ultron and Steve created when they crashed into the train. You land with grace, noticing there are passengers on the cart.

Steve hits Ultron with enough force to send him flying, and you move as fast as you can over to a young teen to force her lower onto the ground from her seat to avoid being crushed.

"I guess I've got civilian-watching duty," you say almost glumly.

"I'd be happy to trade," Steve huffs as he stands up straight.

You could hear Natasha and Clint talking through your earpiece, and for a second, you wished you had stayed with your girlfriend when you hear that the truck is airborne, but you knew she could handle it.

"No, you seem like you got it," you shake your head with a smile. Luckily with a psychotic robot and turbulence on the train, it was too hard for anyone to grab their phone and record.

Ultron barrels into Steve, knocking him into the corner before Steve uses his foot to kick back.

"Of course," Steve puffs.

Even though you had said that you still helped out when you could, with the narrow pathway the train provided, the two of you had to be careful of making sure civilians didn't get hurt.

Ultron was extremely diligent in keeping you at a distance from him, realizing you were nearly as fast as Pietro and much, much stronger.

But then you heard it.

The light footsteps atop the train at first, then then your eyes easily adjusted to a blur that went past you, knocking into Ultron.

It was Pietro.

Your eyes easily found their way to Wanda as you turned around. She was looking at you, unsure what to think when your eyes met.

Ultron turned back to start towards Pietro, but two metal railings were bent to prevent him from doing so. Ultron turned back to see Wanda, and it was clear on his robotic face that he was hurt, but he also knew he couldn't best Wanda.

"Please, don't do this," Ultron's tone soft and pleading.

"What choice do we have?" Wanda's thick accent hung in the air, and you bit your tongue.

Ultron stilled for a millisecond before he turned around, shooting a blast out from his hand. Everyone dodged, and the explosion shot straight through to the train's front where the conductor was. Taking the momentary distraction, Ultron bolted out of the train and flew away.

With the conductor out, the train started to sway unsteadily, everyone losing their footing, and no one could go after Ultron.

Steve hopped up, heading to the front to check if the conductor was okay, but she was out cold. "We've lost him! He's headed your way."

The train flew off its railing, and everyone hung on the best they could as it kept going even on concrete and dirt.

"Nat!" Clint shouted through the intercom. "Cap, do you see Nat?" His voice was panicked and strained.

You looked out the window of the train in the sky. You could see Quinjet, but Natasha was nowhere in sight.

"What the hell do you mean, Clint?!" You shouted.

"I got the cradle, but Ultron grabbed her the last second we got it. Do you have eyes on her?!" Clint asked, his head moving jerkily as he looked around out the windows.

"If you have the package, get it to Stark!" Steve instructed. "Go!"

You heard Clint frustratedly curse an expletive before he flew the Quinjet away in the other direction.

Warning bells were already going off in your head as you were about to take off the train and see if you could locate Natasha, but Steve's voice stopped you.

"I need you to help stop the train, or these people might die," Steve's jaw was tight, and you knew that he didn't want this either. If he could stop the train on his own or trusted the two twins enough, he would want you out there looking for Natasha too.

You looked around, seeing the humans' petrified faces, all sorts of people on this train, no doubt children too.

You clenched your jaw, swallowing painfully, but you resolved to trust that Natasha was okay and could take care of herself. She had been long before you, you reminded yourself.

"Alright," you breathe out in a huff.

"Civilians are in the path," Steve told Pietro, who rushed off.

"I need you to help me stop this train," you turn to Wanda.

She stares at you but nods once firmly.

You make your way to the front of the train, hopping over the conductor and a few feet away from the train, turning as it approaches you.

Steeling yourself by digging your feet into the ground as you get into a stance with your hands out, the train collides into you. Instead of crushing you like it would an average human, your body hardens to take the shock, and the train pushes you back, gravel and dirt flying everywhere.

It slows down slightly, but it won't come to a complete stop before the train would barrel right into a building. You can see Pietro working around you, and Wanda uses her power to stop the wheels from turning.

The train comes to a full stop smoothly with all three of you, and no one was harmed.  People began to exit the train, and Steve came out to check on you while Wanda checked on Pietro.

"I'm fine, just need a second," you breathe, hearing Pietro say something similar to Wanda.

"Did you get the cradle?" Wanda asks, her eyes floating to you. Your eyes caught hers for a moment, but you turned quickly to your intercoms.

You had tried to contact Natasha, but it was obviously a bust as she didn't answer back. Your next contact was with David to tell him to start searching.

"Stark will handle it," Steve tells Wanda.

"No, he won't," Wanda looked distraught.

"You don't know what you're talking about, you don't know him," Steve defended Tony while Wanda looked more upset as the seconds passed.

"He will do anything to make it right," Wanda says, knowing what she saw in his head. "Ultron can't tell the difference between saving the world and killing it...where do you think he gets that from?"

Steve pursed his lips because as much as he didn't want to admit it, the girl had a point, and Steve was still miffed about how Tony had kept all this artificial intelligence stuff a secret.

"Stark, anyone, come in?" Steve said into his comms, but it was silent.

You turn around, jaw clenched as you were upset about Natasha taken.

"It'll be fine," you tell the three of them, the confidence in your voice that made everyone quiet. "We need to head back."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You were pissed.

And everyone could tell.

Natasha was taken, and no one knew where Ultron may have taken her. You understood at the time that Steve needed you there to help him, but it didn't help that Natasha was gone.

You were mostly pissed at yourself.

"Well, she's not dead," Tony says as if in an attempt to make you feel better. "If she were, Ultron would be rubbing it in our faces."

You didn't say anything in response, jaw still clenched tightly.

Wanda watched from the other side of the room, looking at you peculiarly with her head slightly tilted and arms crossed together just under her chest. She had gathered that you and Natasha were together, and from the information she got from reading other people's minds, it seemed that it was still relatively a new development.

There was something in Wanda's chest that flared annoyingly at the sight of you so...so worried over the redhead. She didn't quite understand it herself or what was the underlying cause of it. But you looked different with that expression on your face.

"You think Natasha might've left something for you outside the internet? Any old-school spy stuff?" Tony asked as he turned to Clint.

"I can cast some nets to see if I catch anything," Clint pressed his lips together, also eager to find his friend.

Your eyes were glowing red angrily as you tried to control your emotions. David came up to you, putting his hand on your shoulder to try to ground you.

"I'll find her," David promises you.

You were gripping a countertop as you were slightly hunched over it.

You needed air.

Suddenly, the edge of the countertop snapped under your grip, crumbling into smaller pieces, and you let it go as you stood straight.

"Find her within the hour," you tell David, walking briskly out of the room.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

When you came back, everything was in chaos.

Everyone was arguing about the body in the cradle and what to do with it. You could see from the corner of your eye that Bruce was angry with Wanda and picking a fight with her.

It was escalating so fast. All of a sudden, Pietro took off as he started destroying lab equipment.

"No, go on," Pietro stood next to Bruce, but the next second afterward, the glass floor shattered underneath him, and he fell through where Clint was.

"Pietro!" Wanda went to help her brother, but then Bruce grabbed her from behind.

Tony and Steve were fighting each other, and you blinked before clenching your jaw.

You blurred over, and just before Steve and Tony were about to collide again, you intercepted, grabbing both their wrists and twisting.

"Ah!" They both yelled as they staggered, almost kneeling on the ground.

The room stilled as everyone look at you.

"We do not fight each other," you snarled at them, looking at Steve and Tony pointedly. "Keep this up, and I'll snap both your wrists."

You grip just slightly tighter in warning before letting them both go, and they stumble a little as they stand up straighter.

"Jesus Christ, I could feel the armor just about to give," Tony says, holding his hand up to inspect his suit while Steve rubs his wrist gingerly.

You then blur over to where Bruce and Wanda to separate them, shoving Bruce a little harder when he refused to let go of Wanda.

Wanda stumbles into your arms when Bruce is forced to let her go. You steady her with your hand on her back. Your scent fills Wanda's nose, and she's almost reeling at how it invades her.

"I get that you're beyond pissed, and what she did was not okay," you tell Bruce, eyes flickering to meet Wanda's for a second before looking back at him. "But clearly the situation has changed, and for now, she's with us. Steve brought them here. This isn't the time. Focus on the mission at hand, figure it out with her after."

"You want me to forgive what she did?" Bruce said incredulously.

"No," you shake your head, "I want you to be an Avenger and put it aside for now because your teammate has been captured, and there's still a maniac robot out there hellbent on making humans extinct."

Your words hit Bruce and seem to sober him from his anger, and he relaxes his clenched jaw as he sighs and nods. You pat him on the shoulder twice before you walk away, leading Wanda with you.

Best to not tempt it again if they're too close together.

Wanda looks at you as you walk with her. The words, 'are you upset with me?' want to leave her mouth, but she forces them in. Of course, you'd be upset with her. She had done so many things to the Avengers, including harming your girlfriend with hallucinations.

Wanda looks away and grits her teeth because she shouldn't care if you're upset with her or not.

But then she feels a light pat on her back.

Wanda looks at you. You aren't looking back at her, there's no indication that you had done that as you keep your head straight ahead.

Still.

Wanda had understood the gesture regardless, hearing your voice in her head.

'It's not okay, but I understand. You will get a chance to make it up to Bruce, and he will forgive you. Give it time.'

Before Wanda could say anything, Tony and Steve were at it again, but this time using their words.

"Tony," Steve's face daunt and tight in disapproval, "shut it down!" Steve demanded.

"And I'm telling you, this is will work!" Tony shot back as he caught you coming up to them.

"Tell them!" Tony looks at you, drawing Steve's attention to you as well. "Tell them what you--"

You shoot Tony a warning look, getting him to shut up.

Sighing, you looked at Steve. "Trust me when I say that it will be okay."

"You want him to bring another android to life?" Steve said in disbelief. "We haven't even defeated the first one yet!"

Before you could argue some more, Thor flew in, bringing his lightning hammer on the cradle, bringing the body to life.

"Wait!" Bruce yelled, but it was too late.

For a moment, it was silent, but suddenly, the body smashed out of its cradle.

Glass flew everywhere in its surrounding area. You immediately grabbed Wanda, pulling her to shield her from the flying glass as you used your hand to protect her head.

You felt a piece of glass slice through your cheek on the surface, momentarily stinging before it mended itself.

When everyone stood straighter as the glass settled, there was a giant red android standing in his naked glory, and a giant yellow stone plastered into his forehead.

You had known this was coming when you touched Tony's hand. You had seen quite far ahead;  everything from this, to the fight with Ultron in Tony's perspective, and even a little after that.

When the government and the United Nations wanted to be involved in the Avengers' affairs.

That would be a tricky one to navigate, and you wanted more time to think about it.

When you had relayed what you had seen back to him on the farm, you reassured him that he doesn't kill anyone in the next while, but you didn't exactly tell him what he will do in the future in detail as it could cause counterproductive results and change the future again.

All you could tell Tony was that he was on the right path, he was going to create something to help win the battle, and a heat seal would come in handy.

But back to the matter at hand, you knew this was coming, and yet, actually seeing the giant red walking toaster rubbed you the wrong way, and you weren't quite sure why.

He was floating and quickly flew towards Thor, who easily deterred the android away.

Thor raised his hands as Steve and Clint were ready to fight. Pietro came back, looking at you with a quirk of his brow when he saw you still holding Wanda.

You let go awkwardly because you were distracted, forgetting that you were still protecting her.

Why Pietro was staring at you like that, you didn't know. It's not like Wanda stepped out of your arms, either.

"I'm sorry," the android came back, sounding very similar to JARVIS. "That was odd...thank you," he looked at Thor.

"Thor, you helped create this?" Steve said as he eyed the being before him.

"I had a vision. A whirlpool that sucks in all hope of life and at its center is that," Thor says, pointing to the stone in the android's head.

"What? The gem?" Bruce clarified.

"It's the Mind Stone. It's one of the six Infinity Stones, the greatest power in the universe, unparalleled in its destructive capabilities," Thor explained.

"Then why would you bring it to life..." Steve pursed his lips, even more suspicious of the new being.

"Because Stark is right," Thor says, almost looking pained to admit.

"That's just gonna unnecessarily inflate his ego," you mutter while Tony was accessing what he helped bring to life.

"We can't defeat Ultron," Thor says, but then catches David entering the room. "Okay, well, maybe he can, but he seems like he has a lot to do."

"Help is good," the android tilted his head.

"Why does your 'vision' sound a lot like JARVIS," Steve's brows furrowed.

"We...configured JARVIS' matrix to create something new," Tony explained.

"I think I've had enough of the new," Steve pursed his lips, never taking his eyes off the android.

The android looked over to Steve. "You think I'm a child of Ultron?"

"You're not?" Steve countered back.

The android shook his head. "I'm not Ultron. I'm not Jarvis...I am...I am." Since he had yet to name himself, and due to Thor's vision, everyone decided that's what his name would be.

Wanda looked at Vision suspiciously. Her eyes narrowing at him. "I looked in your head and saw annihilation."

"Look again," he prompted her, staring at her intensely, and you resisted the urge to curl your lip back.

Wanda does what he says, a curious look on her face.

"Yeah, her seal of approval means jack-shit to me," Clint says.

You watched as everyone goes back and forth, with Vision ending with a long, windy, talk about himself and that they need to go. You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

"Sokovia. Natasha's there too," David answered, giving you a look when everyone questions where they were going.

"Then let's go," you lick your lips.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

The ride back to Sokovia feels long, even with Tony flying the Quinjet as fast as possible.

You stand in the back, looking out the window as the clouds pass by. You hear someone come up to you, but you don't move.

The smell of cinnamon and orange blossom floats you're way, so you don't have to know who it was.

The two of you stand in silence, appreciating the view outside.

"Sometimes...sometimes I can see a glimpse into your head," Wanda says quietly, so the others don't hear.

Your eyes peer over to her before slowly looking back out.

"It's not polite to snoop," you say equally as quiet.

"I can't exactly control it..." Wanda mumbles.

"Even so, you should at least pretend you don't know," you moisten your lips.

It's quiet for a moment before Wanda speaks up again.

"I...saw someone. Things I can't explain," Wanda says unsurely, and you know what she's talking about.

Even though you know she can't help it, you can't help but also feel a little miffed.

You knew that Wanda had a right to know, and yet, you didn't say anything.

"You were looking for me..." Wanda realizes.

"And Pietro," you add, giving her a look, almost laughing when she scrunches her nose.

"We're...connected," Wanda slowly says, turning to face you more.

You swallow as you turn to face her as well.

Wanda's staring at you intensely as if drawing in every little detail about your face and committing it to memory. There's a tight feeling in both her stomach and chest, and she doesn't understand.

She doesn't understand you.

You nod softly.

"Will you tell me about it?" Wanda asks.

"After everything has settled," you tell her.

Wanda swallows.

"You want me to stay?"

She says it so softly, you're surprised such a tone can come out of her when lately she's been an angry bull.

With the time you have, you take in her features. Her long dark hair behind her ears, round face, with define cheeks and jawline was familiar. Her long lashes framed her eyes, and her dark eyeliner and the lighting inside the craft dimmed the color of her eyes.

Still.

She looked at you with an intensity that made you dizzy.

"Yeah," you rasp. "How else will you make it up to Banner?"

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Natasha hears you calling her name as you run-up to her cell. She stands up, meeting you on the other side, her hand touches yours.

"You okay?" You ask her, accessing her thoroughly for any kind of injuries.

"Yeah," she tells you, smiling a little at your protective behavior, and once you're satisfied that she's relatively unharmed, you look back to her face.

"We gotta get going, team's already out there, and we're missing all the action," you say, liking the way Natasha smirks.

"Don't suppose you found a key just lying around on your way in, did you?"

You tilt your head, looking at the built-in lock on the cell door. Placing your hand over it, you yanked with a substantial amount of strength, forcing the metal underneath to give way.

You threw the hunk of metal behind your back and looked at your girlfriend. She smiled at you as she slides the door open, jumping into you to hug you briefly.

"Let's go," she says as she pulls back.

The two of you navigate your way through, but the ground begins to shake as you're almost out of there. The two of you stumble slightly before steadying yourselves.

"What's the situation?" You ask into the comms.

"Ultron's got Vibranium under the city. We're up in the air," Tony advises.

"Shit, we need to get out here," you say, turning to Natasha. "We're not going to make it on foot, so I'm going to carry you on my back."

Natasha nods, and you turn around, lower yourself so she can get on. Once she's secured on with her legs wrapped tightly around your waist, you adjust here once more before you're satisfied.

"Keep your head down and close to me," you tell her, feeling her following your instructions. The speed you'd be going at could accidentally break her neck if you weren't careful.

With that, you race out, quickly reaching the outside. Everything seems to be crumbling at you begin to maneuver onto the rocks, leaping onto another one as they fall. Eventually, you reach the cliffside wall, using your hands along with your feet to climb up.

When you reach safe ground, Natasha gets off.

"Didn't even break a sweat, huh?" She says to you.

"I have great stamina," you joke, but Natasha raises her brow at her, quirking her lip on one side into a seductive smirk.

"I'll be sure to test that out one day."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You feel awful.

Sokovia is falling apart, people are screaming and crying, and it's a war zone out here.

You separated from Natasha, warning her to not get kidnapped again because you don't think you could live with that kind of worry. She merely kisses your cheek before she races off to go help Steve and Thor.

You met up with David, who was huddled up with one of Ultron's robots, and a laptop next to him. The robot was powered down by David, who had his hands on its chest intensely.

"What are you doing?" You ask, looking at his laptop screen to see he was uploading something.

David didn't break his concentration or even open his eyes, but he answered you. "I'm trying to reprogram this bot's mainframe. The Vision is deleting Ultron off the net, so if I can do this, then I can turn this bot over to help us, and then spread it over to all Ultron's other bots."

"That would definitely turn the tide on this," you say, crushing a flying robot towards David.

"I...I got it!" David exclaimed, powering up the robot in hand. It stood up, accessing you, and you stood on guard, but it started to attack its own kind as a threat in the next moment.

"I just need to finish uploading the software to be spread," David picked up his laptop. "I'm going to take cover to finish this, and then find The Vision. I'm good here, you should go."

You nod at him before you take off at high speed. On your way, you bumped into Clint and Wanda. They were being overpowered as they tried to help civilians out of the area.

A group of bots begin to close in. It seems David is still in the process of uploading the software, so the attacks haven't ceased. You notice a bot hellbent on self-destruction as it plummets towards the ground.

Clint is already moving towards Wanda, shouting at her to move. You rush towards the two of them, jumping and pushing them through a building window just as an explosion hits. There are shots still being fired even as the three of you take cover.

Clint's already sitting up, alert as he tries to look at the situation outside without getting shot. Wanda crawls towards the wall, gasping and whimpering.

"How could I let this happen?" She's so distraught.

"Hey, hey, are you alright?" Clint asks, but you put your hand on his shoulder.

Clint looks at you. The situation outside still needs to be handled, and he seems like he doesn't have the time to try to give her a pep talk. You nod at him, and he nods back. Getting up, Clint readies his arrows before he kicks open the door.

"This is all our fault," Wanda cries quietly.

You grab her face, getting her to look up at you. "Look at me," you tell her. "It doesn't matter whose fault it is. It's your fault, my fault, it's everyone's fault. Regardless, this is happening."

She looks at you, breathing harshly as she blinks rapidly.

"I know you're hurting, but this is your homeland, and it's up in the air. Literally. Hopefully, if David manages, we won't be fighting an entire army of robots, but we still got one bad guy to fight," you swallow before hearing something approach as you push and move Wanda out of the way just as a shot fires through the wall.

Wanda looks even more frightened, and she's hanging on the front of your jacket as you readjust to move away from the wall.

"We can't change what we've done, we can only try to fix it going forward. I don't care about anything you did or who you were before this."

"I can't fix this," she bellows to you.

"Yes, you can," you backfire immediately at her. "If you scared and want to let everyone else clean up your mess, I'm fine with letting you do that. You'll be safe here, and Pietro can come to get you. But you can't sit here and tell me that you're okay with letting your fear control you. You can do this, I know you can."

Wanda stares at you, eyes shaking as bites her tongue, letting the silence fall.

"Why do you believe in me so much? Care about me so much?" Wanda asks quietly, feeling something stir in her stomach.

You look back at her, noticing that Wanda seems calmer. Maybe because you feel like you're looking at someone so similar to Tatyana in many ways. That Wanda feels like she's the villain who had caused this.

Perhaps thought she had wanted to be a villain at the start.

But it wretches your gut painfully.

"If anyone could become a hero, it'd be you."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"David, please tell me you're almost finished," you say into the comms as you, Wanda, and Clint fight the rest of the robots in your area.

The three of you need to work your way to Steve and the rest of the gang when Pietro flew in to take Wanda.

"Keep up, old man!" He teasingly says as he darts off.

"I hate him so much," Clint breathes deeply.

"If you want, I can carry you," you shrug.

"I both want to and hate the idea," Clint scrunches his nose but allows you to carry him.

"I'm really close guys, just hang tight!" David tells everyone.

"The next wave is going to hit any minute," Steve says. "What do you have, Stark?"

"Working on a heat seal," he tells everyone.

"We don't have the time," Thor says, "Ultron is trying to get to the core. We need to make a choice."

"That's not a solution," Steve firmly says.

"There's no math here, Steve. Everyone up here versus everyone down there?"

"I'm not leaving this rock with one civilian on it," Steve doesn't budge.

"I'm not saying we should go," Natasha counters back, nodding her head back and forth as she considers something. "There are worse ways to go. Besides, where else am I going to get a view like this?"

"I have at least fifteen other places that have better views than this."

Natasha looks over to see you had shown up with a disapproving look on your face.

"I think we might have to settle," Natasha gives you a self-deprecating smile that shows all too much that this is the only way.

"I don't settle."

With that, another voice comes on the radio.

"Glad you think the view is nice, hopefully, you think this is much better," Fury comes in with a Helicarrier in view. "Nice, right? I pulled her out of the mothballs with a couple old friends. She's dusty, but she'll do."

"Fury, you son of a bitch!" Steve says with a smile.

"Ooh! You kiss your mother with that mouth?" Fury replies in teasing.

Natasha looks over to you, smiling as you come up to her.

"Did you know?" She asks, and you shrug, not wanting to tell her that you touched Tony.

"If Fury decided to show up at the farm with actually nothing else planned, I think we would have to vote him off the island," you offer instead.

"That's comforting," Fury sarcastically said.

"Anytime," you reply.

Within seconds, lifeboats are deployed, and everyone is helping with the evacuation.

"The odds aren't looking too great here," Thor interrupts. "The core is getting bombarded."

"Rhodey, get everyone on the Helicarrier!" Tony says as he flies towards Thor to help.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"This is exactly what I wanted. All of you against all of me. How could you possibly hope to stop me?"

"Like the old man said," Tony looks at Steve. "Together."

The bots begin to rush towards everyone, and you swallow.

"Wait, guys!" You hear David through the comms. "I...got it!"

Just like that, the bots stop dead in their tracks and power down before powering back up again.

This time, they turn their attention towards Ultron.

"Are you kidding me?" Ultron grumbles as the bots rush towards him, firing shots away that Ultron easily deflects.

Because The Vision burned him off the net, Ultron has no way of accessing the software David created to try to change the bots back to his side.

The Hulk rushes towards Ultron, punching him square in the chest and sending him flying miles away.

Everyone turns to look at each other as David blurs into the area with his laptop.

"I feel like we missed a very epic battle scene," Tony says, "like a defining moment in a movie."

"Oh, I'm sorry," David says sarcastically, "if you want, I can totally fix that for you."

"Nope, we're good," Steve says quickly. "We still need to get the stragglers, but if Ultron comes back to the core, we're doomed."

"I'll protect it," Wanda interjects, looking at you as she does. "There's no one better than me."

You nod as Clint looks at Nat.

"Nat, let's go," he nods outside. She looks at you, and you nod at her as it would be faster for you to find civilians on your own.

You look at David. "Alright, nerd, you're going with me. I think you had enough alone time for today."

"You are so ungrateful, oh my god."

"I love you," you smile.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Tony is using the extra bots to help push the rock further into the sky. If they can get it into space, using the heat seal would cause the least amount of damage to Sokovia.

"I can't believe I'm going into space again," Tony mumbled, glad he had made the adjustments to his suit so it would be suitable to go into space better this time.

He had been prepared since the alien invasion.

"Maybe you chose the wrong career path and should've become an astronaut instead," you joke, getting a low chuckle in return.

You had run the perimeter with David, seeing that there were no civilians left.

Natasha volunteered to try to convince The Hulk to either change back or get his ass on the Helicarrier. You would've volunteered, but you don't think The Hulk would be happy to see you, and you can't keep biting the man to force him to change back either.

"I think I can hear a woman screaming," David mumbled. "I'll go check."

He takes off, and you are about to head back when you hear shots fired in the distance. You turn and speed over.

You felt your stomach dropping when you approach the scene. Everything seems to happen in slow motion.

Ultron in his jet, shooting down at Clint, who has a little boy in his arms. You turn your head to see Pietro.

He looks at you, giving you a smirk that feels all too familiar like it's his last one.

Pietro is a step faster than you, he probably always will be. But that doesn't stop you. You force yourself to run. Run faster. Run harder. The sheer amount of force causes a sickening crack in your legs, but you make it just in time.

Pietro only gets shot once through his stomach before you push him out of the way and cover Clint and the child.

The shooting stops as Ultron flies away.

The silence settles, and Clint looks up to see you standing straight before him. You've been shot all over, multiple times in multiple areas.

You suddenly puke up blood as you fall to your knees.

Pietro immediately gets up from the ground rushing over to you, catching you in his arms.

"Why did you do that?!" He yells at you, hands over your body, but he doesn't know which areas to stop the bleeding.

"You idiot," you tell him. "Can you heal from being shot? I don't think so."

Though you say that, the only thing that healed, even though rather slowly, was the crack in your leg.

"You're not healing," Clint says, his tone urgent. He looks at you as blood pours out. "Why aren't you healing?"

"She doesn't have enough blood in her system."

Clint turns over to see David, looking horrified. He kneels down, taking you from Pietro's arms.

"I told you, you fucking idiot, that we should've just taken more blood bags from the hospital," David scolds you.

"This is hardly the time for, 'I told you so,'" You reply weakly.

"Get the kid onto the boat," David looks at Clint and then looks at Pietro. "You need to go collect your sister. There are no more civilians, and we're reaching the stratosphere soon."

"What about--"

"I got this," David says as he bites into your neck. You hiss at the sudden pain. Clint and Pietro have more questions, but they do as David says and take off.

"You better pray to God that we make it back in time," David purses his lips as he pushes your sleeve up to bite in various places.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

The damage to Sokovia is still devastating. It's not entirely obliterated, and people will be able to rebuild their country.

The Hulk, unfortunately, had taken off on his own in stealth mode. He didn't want to be found.

It seems The Vision has taken care of completely destroying Ultron, taking this chapter to an end.

It's not the perfect ending, but it could be a lot worse.

There was only one problem left.

You were dying.

Or at least, on your way to either going completely feral for blood to help you heal or going to a deep slumber until you were fed.

Either one was on the table at this point.

"What do we do?" Natasha asks David sharply as they're still in the air being transported back.

They were on the Helicarrier in their own private section away from the people as they didn't know what you were going to do.

"I only temporarily closed her wounds to stop the bleeding," David tells everyone, explaining why he bit you earlier. He was injecting his healing venom. "Venom doesn't quite work the same way on vampires as it does on humans. She still has a lot of internal bleeding that won't stop, and the only thing that can stop it is if she drinks blood."

"We don't have any blood bags on here!" Steve says as he looks at you, full of worry.

"We could...we could cut and drain our own blood," Natasha looks at you before looking back at David. "She can drink the blood as long as she's not biting us, right?"

David purses his lips as if to consider it but then shakes his head. "She's too badly wounded, it won't be enough. Plus, none of you are in the state to lose any more blood, even if you guys all donate. I can heal your wounds, but I can't make your body produce more blood."

"Then what do we do?" Natasha wants to scream. She can't lose you. She just can't.

At that moment, Pietro and Wanda come in. Pietro can hardly stand up himself, so Wanda is supporting him. They had heard part of the conversation as they came in.

Pietro looks at you, face full of anguish because you're only like this because you saved him.

You're tense on the table, occasionally arching your back up in pain and need. David is holding you down by your arm in case you suddenly get a burst of energy and massacre everyone in this room for blood.

Wanda looks at you, jaw clenched.

The feeling of loss is threatening her on her doorstep. You had saved Pietro, God knows if she could survive to lose her only family.

But Wanda was not ready to let you go either.  

It has occurred to Wanda that outside of Pietro, the only person in this world that may understand her, believe in her, protect her, care for her...would be you.

There was something there, something undefined and frightening. Wanda was sure you felt it too with her, though ignoring it for Natasha.

David looked at Wanda. He knew that he shouldn't.

Yet before he could even stop himself, Wanda looks sharply over at him, catching his thoughts.

You would be entirely beyond pissed at him.

It would cause a whole new set of problems for everyone.

He was sure you would rather die.

But David wasn't willing to risk the chance of you going feral, which was almost guaranteed at this point, or your death.

He just wasn't.

"She can drink my blood," Wanda says, drawing everyone's attention. Wanda was the only person who hadn't sustained any significant damage or got shot. She could afford to lose blood.

"What?" Steve looks at David, who has his lips pursed.

"It would work, wouldn't it?" Wanda also looks at you, your eyes glowing a red she's all too familiar in seeing in herself. "It would be even better than drinking from a blood bag to feed directly from me."

Wanda doesn't fully understand what you are, or the concept of vampires, but she catches pieces here and there from everyone around the room.

And there's a feeling of intrigue and possession that flutters knowing that she was the only one you could drink blood from, aside from her brother.

Pietro grips his sister's arms tighter, torn because if you could drink her blood, you could drink his, but he was also in no shape to lose any more blood.

Wanda pats his arms to assure him she'll be fine. Pietro leans against the wall as Wanda comes closer to you.

"It...would, but..." David's eyes shift over to Natasha.

Natasha clenches her jaw.

The words about how feeding can be an incredibly intimate and private act come back to her.

It's not that Natasha is particularly jealous of Wanda in that way. She's more jealous that she can't do anything to help you herself.

Natasha can't muster the words out of her mouth, so she tersely nods.

With that, Wanda stands right next to your lying body on the bed.

"Everyone, stand back," David says, trying to keep you still, but it's like you can smell how close to feeding you are.

The burst of energy does come, but you use to break out of David's grip as you fling him across the room.

"Shit!" David yells, convinced that you're going to kill Wanda to drain her blood. He stands up, reading to try to fight you even though it would be a losing battle.

But he stops.

You merely stand before Wanda, her face in your hands as you tilt her head up to expose her neck.

You press your nose against her neck, taking a long inhale as you purr at the scent.

Wanda can hear alarm bells in her head that tell her you're a predator, and she's your prey, but she doesn't tremble. Instead, she brings her hands up to hold your wrists as if to keep them in place.

You chuckle throatily, attitude nothing like your usual self, "How brave."

Wanda swallows slowly, the action very visible as the muscles in her neck move.

"It was you who taught me that I could be a hero," she says quietly as if it's only for your ears.

The words seem to trigger something in you as you sink your teeth into her neck, a mouthful of blood rushing into you.

It's been too long, you almost forgot what it was like.

It was hot in your mouth, as fresh as it was.

You could feel a warm body being pressed you, hear a heart beating, and smell the arousal.

A deep moan left Wanda's mouth, unable to control it. A hot, liquid fire shot down to her lower stomach, pooling in her gut.

Wanda couldn't describe how it felt, what she was experiencing, but you were doing something to her as you drank from her, holding her close to you.

You suddenly lift her into the air, wrapping her legs around your waist as you blurred over to the drawer cabinet against the wall, pushing Wanda up on it roughly. Your hands held her possessively.

Wanda was pressed to the wall as she sat on the cabinet, her legs still wrapped against you tightly as she fisted her hand into the back of your hair.

Everyone watched in astonishment of the act, David biting on his tongue as he looked at Natasha, who had no expression on her face to indicate what she was feeling.

Blood was rushing into your mouth, and it was delicious, making you delirious, but that didn't stop you from realizing there was a crowd in the room watching you feed, watching Wanda unravel.

You released your mouth from her neck.

"Leave," you demanded lowly and roughly, hardly coherent before you resume sinking your teeth back into Wanda.

Natasha stared at you, you seemed lost in your own world as you fed, and Natasha knows that you are only like this due to how injured you are.

Still.

As everyone leaves the room, Natasha looks at the two of you once more. Wanda's hand is buried in your hair while she's arching into you.

As she exits the room, Natasha catches Wanda's eyes, staring at her intensely with an unknown meaning in them before her eyes flutter close just as the door shuts.

PART XI

[red-elric]

ive been thinking a lot about kureno lately............

disclaimer: these are thoughts on him as a character, because that’s what he is. he’s not a real person, and my thoughts on him reflect that, before y’all try to get on my case about how you hate kureno and will never forgive him for dating a teenager and blah blah blah get a hobby he’s an interesting character

i’ll be honest, kureno’s arc has only recently become fascinating to me. i used to get excited by his appearances, but only because i knew that whenever he showed up, something important and plot relevant was about to happen. akito’s gender reveal, a glimpse of ren, proof that the curse can be broken, an insight into the pure mess and drama that is akigure and those around them. and then, on the side, there was the cute little relationship he had with uo, which, to me at the time, was just an opportunity to learn more about her. as a middle schooler reading fruits basket for the first couple times, i really liked uo. i admired her boldness, and i related to her very simple desire to see the boy she liked again, as well as her insecurities that her meetings with him meant more to her than they did to him. i also was endlessly fascinated by akito and shigure--still two of my favorite characters today, for all the mess that they cause--and even by ren, the deranged but beautiful lunatic, driving the plot by a love gone way too far.

but, kureno is his own character, and i think we, the furuba fandom, tend to forget that. honestly, in the story it almost seems like he’s set up to be forgettable. he’s introduced as the rooster as an afterthought to the reveal that akito is god. we don’t get a chapter or two devoted to finding out that he’s the final zodiac, complete with a heart to heart with tohru and a gimmicky transformation, we get a terrifying confrontation between akito and tohru, followed by an aggressive ‘you want the last zodiac? here! it’s kureno, who cares, this story isn’t about finding the zodiacs anymore.’ we never see him transform, even in flashbacks. he has important stories to tell, sure, but they aren’t really about him, they’re about akito, shigure, and uo. we remember him for what he told us about the sohma’s, and for the throwaway line that he’s ‘like tohru’ that we cling to in a desperate attempt to characterize him. but kureno ISN’T like tohru. tohru may be overly polite and afraid to step on anyone’s toes, but when it counts, she’s bold and brash about her feelings and constantly looking to protect the people she cares about. she’s easy to read and hard to forget, and that doesn’t sound like kureno at all, does it? so we classify him as ‘like tohru, but not really; important to the plot, but not very interesting on his own; ultimately, forgettable (other than the fact that we hate him for ending up with a high school girl, but that’s sort of okay, because she’s more emotionally mature than he is, but we definitely aren’t going to talk about it ever anyway so who cares).’

but kureno DOES have a personality and character, one that i’ve been more and more interested in lately, especially because of who he reminds me of more and more: machi and kazuma, for different reasons. kazuma and kureno strike me as similar mostly due to their similar relationship to the sohma family after kureno’s curse breaks. as soon as it breaks, kureno isn’t afraid of akito anymore. he pities her, yes, and he stays with her, but it’s out of love and a sense of duty, not out of fear. kazuma and kureno are the only two characters within the sohma family that we see have no regard towards the curse, one way or another. kazuma shows this by reiterating time and again that, despite what akito and kyo’s biological father and even kyo himself think, he will make sure that kyo isn’t locked up and that he has a future beyond high school. kureno shows this through the way he clearly pities akito, rather than fears her or loves her to the point of his own destruction; and through the way he casually helps tohru by revealing secrets and covering for her when she’s almost caught near the main house.

but i also see a lot of machi in kureno. kureno and machi, for different reasons, are both people who have gotten through life by quietly doing whatever was asked of them. machi did everything her mother asked of her to avoid being scolded (not that it really worked); kureno spent his early adult years doing whatever akito asked him to do because he couldn’t stand to see her cry. it’s also worth mentioning that some of his behavior might have stemmed from the days when he followed around and adored shigure, who tends to think only of himself and expects others to play along with his whims; kureno might have adopted obedient behaviors in an attempt to get shigure to like him more (not realizing that shigure is much more drawn to people with independent thought, who actively argue against him and serve their own motivations, not his. shigure is a complicated character). much like how machi, when freed from living with her parents, doesn’t know how to act or think for herself (which yuki slowly helps her with over the series), kureno, when akito tells him she doesn’t need him anymore (or even when she offers him the small favors of leaving the main house for a day off!), is left at a loss for what he wants, and how he wants to behave, what he wants to do. machi can’t come up with her favorite color when asked; kureno can’t come up with something to do on his day off. both of them eventually learn to interact with the world again by someone a little bolder but just as insecure as themselves: yuki and uo.

i don’t really have a point for all of this, but i guess i just wanted to see if i could understand kureno a little bit better <3

[asteraegis]

i dont know what to say for myself honestly.

for the love of god take heed of the tags before beginning. i really fucked edward up and ive written a smut specifically about choking him out.

its from edward’s POV btw

Tags: Deimos! Alexios/ANGST/mild to moderate violence/assault TW/choking/slapping/M|M/blowjob/cream pie/rimjob/spanking/biting/breathplay/aggressive dom/masochism/sadism/forced submission/rawing/knifeplay/top dom! Alexios/bottom sub! Edward

6122 words.

I felt his stare burning into my skin. Why was he so interested in me?

I had just introduced myself to him as one should to new recruits, that’s all. He had nodded in response, looking down on me with those dark eyes I’ve learned to fear. If I had known Alexios’ past beforehand, well, perhaps I wouldn’t have been so casual when greeting him. This man, he was a murderer of hundreds of people, if not thousands. I mean, I know I’m not one to judge seeing as I was a pirate, but the people I killed then were mainly by canons on a ship, not with my hands. And now I’ve had this brooding shadow looming over me every day since I met him, his glare following me everywhere I go. I’m usually one to confront this sort of behavior, but with the rumors of his temper…

Needless to say, this Alexios fellow would not let me out of his sight. Even in my own room at night with the door locked and curtains drawn I felt his intensity. Had I done something to anger him? Why can’t I shake this brute from me?

However, this night was something different. It had been lashing down rain all day and with dusk approaching the weather still wasn’t letting up. I had been stuck at one of my usual haunts since the afternoon, stopping in originally for a couple quick drinks afore heading home. But being holed up in a pub for so long causes barflies to swarm around you. A couple rough looking gents with scars to suggest they’re naturals at picking fights had been looking me up and down for the past hour and it was beginning to get on my nerves. Figures, I can’t go anywhere without some kind of nasty look tossed my way. I turned my head to look out the tavern’s window at the rain. It had lightened up slightly but that wasn’t saying much. But seeing as I left my phone back at my apartment there really was no reason for me to pissed about being soaked during the walk home. I sighed and handed the bartender a tip.

“Don’t seem like it’s letting up any time soon, mate, I’ll just suffer through it,” I muttered, finishing my third drink of the evening.

“Aye, just don’t drown, Kenway,” he nodded and with that I left the bar.

I had only gone about a block before I heard gruff voices call out and heavyset footsteps approaching with haste. Blast it, those codgers are lookin’ for a brawl, I thought as I looked over my shoulder to confirm my suspicions. Sure enough, the two men from the pub that were glaring at me were chasing after me. I began to run, not in the mood to fight them in a storm and hoping me speeding my pace would cause them to give up. Unfortunately, they didn’t give up and began cackling behind me.

“Where you goin’ blondie?” I heard one of them holler. “We just want to chat!”

I stepped wrong while running and it sent a surge of pain up my left leg, making me stumble a little. I hadn’t fallen, but the mistake did hurt quite a bit. I tried to bare the feeling long enough to turn the next block’s corner into a secluded road only about a block from my apartment. Once I reached the dirt path, I hurried behind a dumpster and massaged my knee. It must have popped from a bad foot placement. A slick sidewalk is never good running conditions, and it doesn’t help that I was wearing sandals. I slowed my breathing, expecting that the men would’ve just ran past this road. That is until one of the blokes took a fistful of my hair and dragged me from behind the dumpster in front of their partner. With his boot pushing me into the sludge I just wanted to slap myself for thinking they wouldn’t see the muddy foot prints I had left behind while I ran for cover.

The one that had caught me kneeled down over my back, lifting my head up to look at the other while restraining my arms. “Well, what d'ya think, man?”

His friend grinned, unbuckling his belt. “Yeah, this punk’ll do just fine.”

Ah. So, it wasn’t a fight they wanted. I writhed under the man and managed to buck him off, only for his accomplice to quickly grab me by the throat and pin me against the wall. He had a sick grin on his face and the sinister aura of it was only heightened by his grey eyes and the rain dripping down his cheeks. The other one punched me in the jaw while grey eyes held me still. I grunted, the hand on my throat flexing.

“Thought you could just run off again, sweetheart?” grey eyes sneered, leaning into my face in a way I’m assuming was meant to intimidate me. “Why don’t you just play along and we’ll let you go when we’re done, eh?”

Now, spitting in those pretty eyes of his probably wasn’t the smartest thing I could have done, but shit, it’s what I did. He grimaced and I managed to knee him in the crotch. He let go of my neck and I began to run off again but his pal tackled me to the ground. He held my face in the mud to stifle my yelp while grey eyes stomped on my ribcage.

“You ugly son of a whore!” he snapped. “We tried to play nice but now I’m gonna kill you and set your body ablaze in that dumpster once we’re finished!”

My head was lifted from the ground so I could look at him. I spat mud out of my mouth and smirked, knowing it’d only piss grey eyes off more. “Like you and your buddy have the stones for that.”

I wonder if he felt strong when he kicked my cheek. It’ll leave a bruise yes but I think me biting his cock off when he tries to force it down my throat will hurt him worse. I regrettably never got to enact my revenge on him though.

“Get off him,” a rough voice demanded through the rain.

I don’t remember much of what happened next. Grey eyes ordered his friend to knock me out so I wouldn’t run off while they dealt with the man. Shame. I would’ve loved to watch the fight.

When I opened my eyes next, I was at my apartment in my bath tub. The curtain was open and a man was standing in jeans and a white tank top. Red splotches dotted and splattered his clothes. He was rinsing his hands in my sink, blood washing off them, his knuckles raw. My eyes explored up his scarred arms to his face and that’s when my heart dropped. Alexios was in my bathroom. Why was he here? Why was I naked? Why was he covered in blood? How had he got in here? I must’ve made some sort of noise trying to figure out what to do about this situation because he looked at me in the mirror. I sunk down in the water, afraid of his plans with me.

“Hmph. You’re awake,” he huffed.

I recognized the voice. He was the man in the alley that intervened. That only brought up more questions in my head. “Why–”

“I hope you don’t mind me letting myself in while you were out–”

“Why am I naked?” I blurted out.

He looked confused about me interrupting him at first, but a snide smile spread on his face. “You were covered in mud, Edward.”

“How’d we get in here?”

“You’ve got keys, don’t you?”

I bit my lip and glared at him. Sass, huh? I studied his shirt again and noticed dirt down his right shoulder. He must have carried me here after giving those blighters what for. Still, I wasn’t sure how I felt about him stripping me while I was out cold. He lifted off his tank top and tossed it in my hamper, using one of my towels to wipe the smudges off his arm. It was my first time seeing him without something over his torso and all I could think was that he was chiseled like a damn statue. He put that rag in the hamper, too, then turned his attention to me.  

“You could at least thank me for saving your skin and washing you, boy,” he said, a blank expression I couldn’t decipher on his face.

My ears got hot. He washed me? Just thinking of his hands rubbing down my body… Jaysus… “Uh, right. Thanks.”

He nodded and moved over to stand over me. “You’ve been soaking long enough; I think it’s time we got you out and dried you off.”

Alexios reached down to lift me out of the tub but I squirmed out of the way. “I-I can stand myself, mate. Just… can you fetch me some trousers?”

He huffed, almost seeming disappointed in my competence. After he left the room I stood and dried myself off with a towel. I wrapped it around my waist, bending over to drain the tub. I flinched when I heard the floorboards creak outside the bathroom door. I knew he was standing there but he wasn’t saying anything, just watching me with those shadowy eyes. When I turned around, he handed me some bottoms—a pair of white swim trunks that wouldn’t even reach mid-thigh. I sighed but took them from him regardless.

I went to slide the shorts on but his stare not breaking from me caused my hands to hesitate. “Do you mind, mate?”

“No,” he said, still not breaking eye contact with my skin.

I blushed and positioned myself away from him, but even with my face away from his I could still feel his gaze. I attempted to wriggle into the trunks while I had the towel around my waist but right before I could pull them all the way up it fell to the floor. I hastily tugged the shorts on, now more than ever unable to look Alex in the eye, though based off the low snicker behind me he enjoyed my mishap. Figures. I shifted to have my face toward him but still wouldn’t look at his face. He seemed able to detect that I was unsure of him. From the mirror I was able to spy his grin as his own gaze met mine in the reflection. Against my own wishes my eyes instinctively darted away to the floor and he laughed louder.

“Tell me, blondie,” his voice sounded like a wolf’s growl as he approached me slowly. “do you fear me?”

I didn’t answer him. Both because I couldn’t find the courage to say no and even if I said so I’m sure he could detect I was lying. Now standing inches from me I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I’ve never felt so terrified and I’ve had swords to my throat, been beaten half to death, and survived multiple shipwrecks. I’m not sure what I was expecting him to do to me, but grab my pony tail and wrench my hair down so my neck was straining to look at him wasn’t it. He looked livid with me. I pushed away from him but he shoved me against the wall, the back of my head slamming up against the tiles. I yelped but Alexios slapped me across the face with the back of his hand and grabbed my jaw to keep my eyes focused on him, his fingers digging into my skin.

“When I ask you a question, answer me,” he snarled. “Got that?”

I tried to speak when he asked; I really did. But my body was trembling and it didn’t help when he shook me. I could feel that there was water in my eyes but I couldn’t tell if I actually had started crying when he shook me the second time, I just started shouting out an answer. My voice felt like a foreign object in my mouth, I couldn’t control anything I said to him. “Yes! All right? I am afraid of you mate! And why shouldn’t I be? I’ve heard plenty of stories on how ruthless you are and now I’m pinned to my own wall half naked being shouted at by you, you fucking knave! Now either kill me too or let go of me!”

Alexios stood like a brick wall when I attempted yet again to push him off me. There was nothing in his expression. He was just, watching. His grip on my face didn’t change for what felt like hours so I stared back at him, wondering if he could crush my jaw in his hand. From this close to him, mere breaths away, I studied him as he always did me. Alexios’ eyes were intense, but I could feel there was something behind them, something that almost felt like innocence broken by misplaced trust. He had a scar on his left cheek that cut through the top of his eyebrow. There was sleeplessness under his eyes creating dark circles. With all this mutual observing I wondered if he felt anything looking at me. After an eternity he at last blinked a few times and his hands dropped to my shoulders. His visage softened and I realized I still had my hands pushing against him. When I began to take them away, he suddenly wrapped his arms around me in a hard embrace. My face was pressed into his neck while he held me, his head against mine. I could feel his heart beating against my chest as he made an effort to pull me as close to him as possible. I was baffled. This man just slapped and shouted at me, I just admitted I feared him, I can still feel his fingers and palm’s sting on my face, and now he’s hugging me?

“I… I am sorry, Edward,” he mumbled into my hair. His voice seemed to crack for a moment and I heard him sniffle. Was he crying? “I didn’t mean to harm you, I just… I—I can’t control myself.”

If I was puzzled before I was utterly lost now. “Alex—”

“I needed to know how I made you feel, whether or not you trust me, if you feared my presence. And here I stand, with you shuddering in my grasps. I never wanted you to feel this way, Edward. I—I never wanted you to—I never—”

He was crying, choking on his words like I had before. Was this a confession? I blinked off any tears my fear might have brought in and pushed back from him to look him in the eye. He held his head down but I could still see a tear stream down over his scar. He spoke of me quaking in his arms but nothing compares to the quiver when I took his head in my hands to make him look at me. He appeared so distraught by his own actions. When I moved my hands to his broad shoulders, he slumped against me, something I’ll admit I wasn’t quite ready for. He wasn’t that much larger than me, I’ll admit, but I wasn’t prepared to support his weight and we fell to the floor, half in the hallway and half in the loo. He laid on top of me and I wormed around but it seems his revelation exhausted the man. Sighing, I settled into the floor, pondering how long I’d be stuck there under Alexios. His cheeks had dried from his fit of emotion and his breathing had slowed to a normal pace. I endeavored to run my fingers through his hair, but his dreads were too thick to comfort this brooding baby in that way. I stared at the ceiling with my arms stretched out over my head, questioning why I was even still laying here, I’ve moved men heavier than him off me before. Was I just afraid to wake him? I looked at him sleeping on me. For once I didn’t feel fear from his presence, in fact I pitied him. He clearly needed something like this, though if all he wanted from me was to relax on my body, I felt bad for avoiding him for so long.

I think I may have drifted off a little while we laid on the floor. When I woke up it was significantly darker in the apartment, the only light being the bathroom’s. I must have made some sort of noise or shifted slightly because Alexios suddenly groaned and lifted his chest off me. He had his hands planted on either side of my shoulders and my arms were still reaching above my head on the wood. While we slept our legs had also joined in on this compromising position, my thighs resting over his with his groin against me. We blushed when our eyes met and Alex sat back on his heels to let me sit up as well.

“Sorry about that, Edward,” he said, rubbing the back of his head.

“No worries mate, I didn’t mind it at all!” I laughed, trying to break the tension between us.

Alexios raised an eyebrow at me and cocked his head. “At all?”

“Not in the slightest!” I need to stop talking without thinking.

“Is that so?”

“Yep!” Oh my god.

He seemed to have this queer plan forming in his head. I wanted to bite my tongue off. Considering how he reacted when I was naked earlier, I’m sure me saying I was completely comfortable having him pressing on top of me was only adding insult to injury. He looked me up and down with an inquisitive nature, almost debating his next move. I gulped when I noticed his lips form a smirk. I stayed on the floor while he got to his feet, my body stuck in this pose looking up at him like I was a submitting dog. That snide mien returned to him when he stood over me. I tried to smile at him in the friendliest manner I could, though I think he misunderstood what kind of friend I was trying to come off as.

“Well, in that case, blondie,” he lifted me into his arms in a fisherman’s carry and marched me into my room after turning off the bathroom light. I was dropped on my back in my sheets and watched Alexios hold his belt buckle. “You wouldn’t mind getting to know each other better, now would you?”

I think I put the most thought into this answer of any I said all day. I felt my stare glued to his hands on that buckle and my tongue pushed itself against the roof of my mouth. For the first time since the day I met him I gave him a genuine smile. “No, I certainly wouldn’t.”

He returned me with a satisfied leer, quickly getting to unbuckling his pants, whipping his belt off so swiftly it made a whooping noise. Alexios grabbed me by my ankles and pulled me to the foot of the bed, putting the belt on around my neck like a collar and leash. He didn’t secure the buckle so it felt more like a noose, but regardless I felt ready to melt into anything he put me in, be it this leather strap or a rope. He tugged on the belt and it tightened around my throat, causing me to groan. He sat on the bed next to me and patted his lap for me to rest my head over. I was on my stomach and he placed a hand over my ass whilst his other took his cock out in front of me. He began stroking it to get it fully erect with me watching through a hungry gaze, biting my lip as his fist rubbed down the veiny shaft, his knuckles still raw from his brawl. Once hard, Alexios took the belt to yank me towards his dick and I immediately got to work, my lips kissing his tip before licking it in a circular motion. My tongue traced down his skin then back up to the head and I heard him sigh as I moved my mouth down around his cock. I went slow at first, going straight to the base and from his light muttered swear I could tell he wasn’t expecting I could deepthroat him. I got cocky and began sucking him with more force, moving my head back and forth down him. My showing off seemed to be working for Alex as his hand became snugger on my ass. I moved my left hand down to go to town on my own member, but he noticed me rubbing myself and spanked my ass with the same force he slapped me with earlier. I whimpered and instinctively withdrew my hand, him amused by my retreat.

“Good boy, you’ve been trained well,” he whispered to me.

He’s right, I’ve learned to be wont to being used like this. He spanked me again, and he appeared to enjoy my muffled yelps as he did it again, and again, and again. My skin felt numb and my cock was begging me to stroke it. I decided that if he was just going to continuing slapping me like this I might as well try to rub myself once more, just to see if he was willing to let me. I quickly learned he wasn’t, as when I started moving my hand down once more, he grabbed the back of my head and choked me with his cock, my lips pressed to the base of his groin. I attempted to push my head back so I could breathe but his hold was far stronger than my neck. I began gagging, wondering if he was going to let me breathe any time soon. Perhaps he liked how it felt to have his cock in my throat while I choked. He switched up his hands so he no longer was holding my ass but unfortunately for me he grabbed the belt with his other. Alex pulled it skintight, compressing my throat and I felt tears forming in my eyes. I moved my hands to hold his thigh, digging my nails into him as if to ask him if he was trying to kill me already. There was a low chuckle when I struggled to pull away from him, like he was enjoying my scriking. I was becoming more desperate to move off of him, but it was too difficult with him being so much stronger than me.

“Scared, are we?” He leaned in over me, yanking my head back so I could look into his glare. “Next time don’t touch yourself without my permission, understand?”

I moaned in response to him, hoping he’d finally let me catch my breath. He patted my head and finally released me, my body moving on its own to get away from him, gasping for air while I backed up against the wall on the other end of the bed. Alexios had a wicked grin on his face, grabbing the belt to pull me back to him.

“Aw, I really did frighten you. You’ve got your mascara running down your cheeks like a scared little whore,” he said while wiping my face with his thumb.

I was still winded and with my panic subsiding I began to see red. “You… what the fuck were you trying to do? Suffocate me?”

He frowned, clearly able to detect my irritation with him. “Sorry, I had gotten ahead of myself.”

Alexios was looking down at the floor like a guilty dog and I rolled my eyes, kicking him in the side. “Well shit mate, don’t stop, just give me a damn warning next time.”

I saw his entire body perk up and he shifted around, taking the ‘leash’ in his hand and tugging me closer to him. He noticed me wince from how taut the belt was around my neck and loosened it slightly for me which made me groan again. Honestly, either be rough with me or play nice, don’t keep switching up. I lurched forward and shoved him down on the sheets, kissing him and smiling against his lips at the startled noise he made. I grinded my pelvis over his cock, his hands slapping down on my ass to jerk me into him. I felt his fingers caressing the seam on my trunks but I shrugged it off, not realizing he was looking for the best place to grab a hold of so he could rip open my shorts. It was one quick tear and it’s fair to say I wasn’t ready for it. Alexios grabbed my flesh, toying with it in his palms while I rocked back and forth on him. He kissed me back as he rolled over on top of me, but only for a short time as he soon moved his mouth down to kiss my jaw, my neck, and then my shoulder. At my shoulder, he bit me and I yelped, my hands and legs wrapping around him while he tore my skin. He lapped at the blood from my fresh wound like he was a wolf.

Alexios’ eyes shot me a harsh glance, though before I could think about what that look meant he answered my question with his cock up my ass. I cried out, wishing he gave me more of a warning than just a simple stare before going in raw, but I guess he wasn’t used to being accommodating. He continued this trend of being unaccommodating while he fucked me, his strokes inside me being ruthless and deep. I couldn’t control my voice; I was just a whining mess at his mercy. Alex shook my arms off his back and pinned my arms down next to my head, his weight being pressed into my wrists. My legs tightened around his waist in response to the way he was dominating me, still aching to touch myself but knowing there was no way he’d let that happen. He seemed to love my wailing; his grunts tainted by low laughs. I see his life as Deimos has made him have a fetish for causing pain in others. Hmph, schadenfreude.

I continued trying to free myself, but damn was this guy strong. I couldn’t even manage to lift my pinned wrists, and that’s with the added adrenaline of my ass feeling like it was being torn to shreds by his lack of empathy. Alexios didn’t once seem to want to slow down with me. He just wanted things done his way and couldn’t careless about how much pain I was in. Perhaps I gave him the impression I could take a beating and that’s why he’s been eyeing me the way he has. I could hear his grunts deepening; he must have really been feeling this semi-torture session. His love of completely dominating me made me wonder if he just viewed me as prey, a toy for him to use and then he’d throw me away. The idea of that must’ve turned me on quite a bit as I felt precum from my cock drip onto my pelvis. I’m not surprised I was into being used; I just wish I had standards for how I was treated in bed. Honestly, I wish I wasn’t wincing through this dealing so I could keep my eyes open long enough to properly see the expression on Alexios’ face. What I’d give to be able to watch this beast fuck me before my eyes…

Alex’s speed somehow went faster and his grip on my wrists turned into an almost crushing feeling “Oh god Edward…” I heard him moan.

I swear I was about to bite a hole in my lip. I had bit myself to stifle an actual scream from the pain, but luckily for me after Alexios came I only had to suffer through a few more rough pumps. After those he slowed to a halt, both of us catching our breaths for the moment. I finally got a good look at him, sweat soaking his brow and his cheeks red. He pulled out of me and I felt his cum dripping out of me as he did. He finally moved off from holding my wrists and sat back, looking at the clear hard on in my shorts and the mess he made of my rear. I tried to give him a little simper so he’d know I enjoyed it, but he just kept staring at my bottom with the same gaze I was giving his cock earlier. I gulped, knowing he still wasn’t finished with me.

“Roll over,” he demanded and I obliged with haste.

I had originally been on my hands and knees but Alexios knocked me down to my elbows afore grabbing my thighs. He bit my inner thigh before licking up my leg to my ass where he bit me again. I winced, this guy really liked using teeth, huh? I felt him lick the bite, stinging my flesh before his tongue traced to the rim of my ass. Is… is he going to eat me out?

Well, it wasn’t a question for long. Sure enough, Alexios started lapping away despite having just came inside me. My stomach fluttered, he just kept surprising me. My cock was twitching uncontrollably, I was moments away from climaxing myself. And then he stopped, grabbing my hair by the pony tail, wrenching my body backwards. The back of my head laid on his lap, his gaze meeting min. Alexios wiped his mouth and shot me a jeering leer, sending a shiver down my spine. My heart was beating quickly as his stare moved down my body.

“Look at you, dripping like a girl would,” he taunted, flicking my cock’s head. I yelped which he seemed to like. “Let me guess, you want to cum, don’t you?”

I nodded. I’d want nothing more than to finally finish. He’s been toying with me for so long I felt numb. Usually I’d feel happier about lasting longer than my partner but this was just too much, I was losing my mind.

Alexios took my wrists in his fingers, those rough hands pinning my arms against the sheets. “Beg for it, blondie.”

I didn’t even try to fight him. I just bit my tongue and swallowed any remaining pride I had. “Please, Alex,” my voice was quivering as I spoke but who could blame me, I was desperate. “I want to cum, I need to, please let me, mate, it’s driving me mad. I need it, Alex, I feel numb. Please, please, please, let me—”

Alexios had grinned right before he slapped me across the face. Judging by the laughter, I must’ve done something right. Even so, my skin was left with yet another one of his handprints on it and I only wished he’d stop playing these games and just cut me the least bit of slack so I could just—

A knife pressed up against my throat. Alexios had pulled a switchblade from his pocket while I was recovering from his palm’s burn. My breathing changed to become shorter and more rapid. I could feel the edge grazing my skin. One slip of his fingers and my throat would be cut, be it on accident or purpose, I wouldn’t be able to tell with him. All I had to go on was that same old snide smile. His other hand stoked my hair, twirling strands around. He used the blade to tilt my chin back so I had to look down my nose at him. His thumb graced my cheek in a soothing way, almost making me forget all about the weapon in his other hand.

“You may touch yourself now, sweetheart, but keep those blue eyes of yours shut,” he whispered to me.

My heart rate was still speeding but, somehow, I managed to calm myself enough to shut my eyes and move my hands down to my groin without moving my neck, a feat harder than someone who’s never had a blade against their throat might think. My cock was peeking out the waistband of my trunks so I just finished pulling down the shorts so I could rub myself. The feeling of my fingers finally touching me was pure ecstasy. I bit my lip while I finished myself off, Alex still petting the side of my head. While I couldn’t see his face right now, I knew he was grinning from watching my spray myself with my own semen. As soon as the blade moved from my neck, I began panting like a thirsty dog to catch my breath. He swiped the blade over my abdomen carefully so he wouldn’t slice me while I breathed, though at this point I don’t think I’d have cared if he did.

Alexios patted the side of my head. “Open your eyes, my little puppy, and stick out your tongue. I’ve got a treat for you.”

I opened my eyes slowly, still panting but now with my tongue out I really felt like his mutt. In front of my face he held his switchblade, it glazed with my cum. He wiped the blade over my tongue.

“Good boy. Now, swallow.”

I did, even opening my mouth to show him, which he seemed to get a kick out of. He chuckled, rustling my hair. I smirked back at him; glad to see I had done a good job for him. He leaned back against my pillows and I rolled over on top of him, moving up his body so I could lay on his chest rather than his legs. He looked overjoyed, his forearm over his eyes while he shined a grand smile.

“Hey, Alex,” I said, trying to get his attention without success. I flicked his arm, though he didn’t even flinch. Pouting, I grabbed his jaw and pulled him to face me. “Oi, Alex.”

He looked a little surprised that I had suddenly grabbed him, but he was still grinning. “What, Goldilocks?”

Goldilocks, oh how many times I’ve heard that. “’Fraid I don’t fear you no more, mate.”

Alexios’ fingers brushed through my hair. “Aw, what a shame. Guess I’ll need to reinstate that later, huh?”

I knew I was dancing with a devil at this point, but still I gave him a cheeky smile. “I’d like to see you try.”

He and I shared a fit of giggling banter before falling asleep. When I woke up, the side of the bed he had slept on was empty. I frowned for a moment before hearing clanking coming from the kitchen and him groaning. I snickered, shaking my head. Can’t believe I was scared of him just hours ago. When I stood to go help him out with breakfast, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Torn shorts with cum staining the fabric, bruises dotted my skin alongside a few bitemarks. The worst of these marks were the bruises wrapping around my neck and my swollen ass. The shiner from the kick in the face I took yesterday wasn’t nothing either, but judging by the amount of blood Alex’s shirt was drenched with I couldn’t really complain. I changed my pants to some clean striped boxer briefs before heading into my kitchen where I found Alexios running his hand under water.

I grinned while watching him, walking towards him silently. Once behind him I slapped his ass, making the brute jump and swear. I laughed at his reaction, leaning my body up against his shoulder while he covered his face in embarrassment.

“Come to help me then, blondie?” he sighed.

I pressed my head against his shoulder and wrapped my arm around his waist. “Shit, if you’re really struggling that much to fry a couple eggs.”

He groaned at my snark, though I helped him anyway, not wanting him to burn himself making scrambled eggs again, even though his brief incompetence was kind of cute. The eggs weren’t that bad, just a tad burnt. We parted ways about an hour later, though the next day I saw him those dark eyes looked more afraid of my ability to bounce back from his beating than anything else. At last, it was my stare burning his skin, not his on mine. I grinned at him and his eyes darted away from me.  He was scared of me.

Good.

[gayregis]

im at that stage of fatigue from the day where i’m so tired the fanfiction is writing itself in my mind theough dialogue but i’m too insanely tired to sit down and write it all out and i work a shift in the morning too so i dont even have time ... so ill forget everything come morning

[[MORE]]

psych, ima try to outline it rn

this is after a little sacrifice and also after season of storms and takes place in cidaris (im not clear on if kerack is the capital so season of storms dealt with the proper king of cidaris or if it was just a local kingship but im hcing that cidaris is also a capital city as well as the region/nation).

this is geralt and dandelion going to the grape festival mentioned in a little sacrifice btw

main goal for this is to basically give dandelion more depth and address his identity issues and backstory and just how his character is in general

valdo marx (as far as i am headcanoning in terms of appearance right now) is of course , also a twink and they have similar builds but valdo isnt as skinny as dandelion because he has access to three full meals every day. he has dark brown hair and green eyes, and i might give him the same hair and beard as dandelion from tw3 just to spite cdpr. he used to sport green/purple doublets as an independent artist, but now as the reaident troubadour of cidaris, he’s adopted their emblatic colors (blue and white) and wears a doublet with a sash of these colors. he doesn’t have poofy sleeves, instead he has these ruffs and like... bellbottom sleeves. also this method of embellishing clothes that i learned from a glamour video (it’s @ 4:30ish) called slashing is applicable to his outfits. i think he veers away from tights unlike dandelion, so he wears more breeches than anything. he doesn’t have detailed embroidery like dandelion, but rather patterned/quilted areas with silver and some small pearls added for decoration in these sections as well.

so geralt and valdo have to be placed together somehow in a conversation. basically he wants to #expose dandelion for being a fraud... but he’s not doing it out of Pure Evil, he’s (vaguely) kind of like the lodge of sorceresses in which it’s like, he is only wanting things to be done his way because really he thinks it’s the best way to do things. he’s really a victim of academia, he would be someone that supports the fact that instruments are like $1,000 each.

basically he and dandelion were classmates at oxenfurt and at first hit it off very well and shared notes and thoughts and sexual partners and all was splendid. but they got competitive and valdo HATES that dandelion does NOT come from a family known for music or any kind of art. basically dandelion is a novus homo, but in the world of music, and valdo comes from an established family which has been musically inclined for generations. he feels that ppl like dandelion just wanna go to oxenfurt for shits and giggles and dont take this opportunity seriously because theyre too blinded by their own arrogance to actually learn anything. and he may be right in regards to a lot of other children of wealthy noble families that attend oxenfurt. but dandelion’s case was different and this he does not like to admit. also he hates how dandelion is... inclined to... a life of debauchery... because he feels he perpetuates stereotypes of artists being good for nothing penniless drunkards and lechers, and makes it harder for Real Professionals from Actual Lineage to get a job. also he has a disdain for how dandelion really wanted to travel and admired the “musicians of the world” that never attended some fancy college, and again valdo sees this as him not appreciating the opportunity he was given, because all you ever need to interact with is this little 1 mile by 1 mile square of oxenfurt, and not even the whole city, just the college. also when valdo tells all this to geralt he goes give him a judgemental up and down look like... “julian loves meeting, writing about, and... ahem... fraternizing with... all kinds of ... people.” (he was gonna say “trash,” but geralt has swords and cats eyes, so valdo swallowed that last word). ALSO ALSO valdo thinks dandelion is further destroying the sanctity of academic places like oxenfurt by training good for nothings from other nobody families, like essi daven, who was actually from a noble family but one not too rich because it was kind of distant from the ruling family. and since she threw a fit they let her do her own thing instead of marrying her off.

also valdo is like “julian— ahem, ... ‘dandelion,’ as you know him... i don’t know why he uses that absurd little nickname,” because he just finds the idea of a pseudonym stupid (since hes from a famous musical family of course he wants to highlight his lineage). and again he dislikes how dandelion is Corrupting Others by not only mentoring essi at oxenfurt, but training her in an “unorthodox fashion,” ie they just duet and talk shit about random stuff and he advises her weird things like “get a cool fake name so all the girls have something to scream as you go on stage”

as they interact with each other, valdo and dandelion actually are kind of opposite of dandelion and essi. they dont throw ANY snide remarks and keep it all under wraps with just pleased smiles and then as soon as theyre out of earshot (a long way for bards) theyre like “i am going to take the replacement strings of my lute and choke the lights out of that tone-deaf idiot” ... geralt is like 😳 to see aggression in dandelion and hes a bit intimidated at first but then is like Bro Are you Fucking Okay ????? Because its so unnatural for dandelion to be Actually Upset about something and not be ok within half a day

scene where dandelion is staring at the mirror and geralt is like you have been staring at the mirror for a long time, even by your standards... dandelion is like “i have to change something... geralt, look at me. look at me. (says it again bc geralt didnt look up the first time). if you could change one thing about my face, what would it be?” and geralts obviously like “nothing.” and dandelions like dont be fucking difficult just tell me i need to know i need your opinion and geralt is like that IS my opinion i sincerely like your face the way it is. something something blah blah blah tenderness geralt says smth like dandelion you have a lot of loyal fans okay...... and hes trying to refer to himself but he doesnt wanna say it aloud

i think something about dandelion talking about who he was (basically referring to “julian” in the 3rd person) and just very uncharacteristically self-loathing but them he pops back into his little arrogant self ... basically he covers that everyone Fucking Laughed at him for wanting to sing but he did it and now he’s the best and also, sexy. in this whole scene (same scene as last bullet point) he is also saying that he needs to “prove himself” and geralt is just like What More Can You Do, You Are Literally Famous... but dandelion is just pensive about it

also he says something like “theres two versions of me... julian with a dream who nobody knows, and dandelion who’s famous and loved.” and geralts like “theres three.” “three?” “there’s also dandelion, the one i know, who, it doesn’t matter if he’s famous or what, because i just like him and enjoy his company.” BECAUSE i dont know how not to be blunt and not hit my readers over the head with what i wanted to get across. geralt is a blunt man however so i think its acceptable to do this

basically this fic is “dandelion can have little a OOCness for character development”

tbh its not too ooc (hopefully) bc hes not like downright depressed, hes just pensive, like he is when hes trying to think of a good title or rhymes and nothing is working. nothing is working! hes frustrated!!!

i have nooooo idea how to resolve this conflict ive introduced. i think valdo and dandelion have to sing a duet together and it is like skating on thin ice with sharks underneath . MAYBE valdo gets possessed by,, something? not a demon bc IVE HAD ENOUGH GOETIA AFTER SEASON OF STORMS but you know An Entity, and dandelion is like wow this is an improvement!! and geralts like no it isnt, now i have to exorcise this fucker

also throughout this i think that the king and queen of cidaris (maintaining that kerack isnt the capital and is just another kingship within the nation) looooveveeveveeee dandelion and his presence and are like oh dandelion you are always welcome in our court :) which also totally pisses valdo off because its like dandelion came into his work/home and fucked both of his bosses and is trying to steal their loyalty through Sexual Appeal. which. may ring true. but dandelion does stuff for fun and not for manipulation soooo valdo is a little wrong in thinking dandelion is manipulating them. and this also adds to valdos resentment of dandelion for being so promiscuous and also writing about his love affairs bc he feels it detracts from The Art...

basically this fic is also me telling academia and ppl who feel art should be limited to a certain crowd to go stuff it cause no one cares and creativity and learning is only human of anyone. also an excuse to give dandelion character depth and also an excuse to break how geralt is always the gloomy one and dandelion has to cheer him up, i think though they do have their strong personalities, relationships should ideally go both ways in terms of emotional support so it shows geralt has the capacity to support a dandelion with festering anger and personal identity problems. also a way for geralt to learn a little abt dandelions backstory without learning/spoiling the fact that hes a v*scount and actually noble and wealthy (they just refer to his family as being wealthy enough to pay for oxenfurt which is significant but not astounding)

[arabian-bloodstream]

Star Wars: Flashback Cut (and why)

I know I just posted this, BUT... I also posted it on a Star Wars subreddit I’m a member of and someone had an awesome suggestion in the comments and so I made a change that I think works so much better:

If you’re stuck at home and feel like giving Star Wars a binge-watch, here’s a potential new way to watch it. This is my preferred way of watching The Star Wars Saga. It keeps the vast majority of big surprises intact, while preserving the story integrity. It also links narratives and character arcs, and strengthens those narratives and arcs overall, in my opinion. I also feel that in doing so it makes the Prequel Trilogy and Rise of the Skywalker (some of the weaker films in the saga--again, my opinion) feel more seamless and part of the greater whole, thus making them stronger.

*Note if you prefer The Skywalker Saga you can leave Solo out.

STAR WARS: THE FLASHBACK CUT

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Episode IV: A New Hope

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Episode VII: The Last Jedi

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Episode IX: Rise of the Skywalker

AND WHY THIS WORKS (FOR ME) …

Rogue One

- R1 makes perfect sense having no scrawl because the A New Hope scrawl recaps the events of R1 whereas R1 started the story.

- Everything with the single reactor blast destroying the Death Star explains that “plot hole” in ANH now.

- Knowing all of these people and all they’ve done and their sacrifice adds so much resonance and power to the Rebellion and what they’re doing/fighting for before we hear Luke talk about them in ANH.

- Bail shows up and has focus and it’s like why? But then towards the end, his final scene explains that he has to get back to his people on Alderaan but he has someone he trusts with his life to help, leading to the Leia scene at the end. This not only sets up and leads to ANH, it   also means that when Alderaan in ANH is blown up, we actually know someone on that planet now. That gives it some more emotional heft too.

A New Hope

The Phantom Menace

- Doing this gives us a much broader history of the Jedi, we find out more about Obi-Wan's history and we feel his loss much greater, and we really mourn the fact that Luke never knew his father.

- In about a minute into the film, young Obi-Wan is introduced. He is the first character’s whose name is given and coming into this from ANH, we know who he is and it's clear that we're going to find out his story.

- Just a quick note, but I wanted to point out why I feel the Machete Cut (which completely excises TPM) doesn’t work. The entire Trade Federation story is not only the entire backbone  to how Palpatine rises to power, but it’s also why Amidala (and thus Anakin) has the relationship with him that she does. These are two huge reasons as to why the Machete Cut doesn’t work.

Another is the scene where young Anakin is being questioned by the Jedi Council. That scene right there, in a nutshell, tells us what will be the main turning point that starts Anakin on the Dark path. He’s asked about missing his mother. Young Anakin questions what that has to do  with anything and he’s told it has everything to do with it. He fears what will happen to her, and fear leads to anger and aggression and aggression leads to the Dark Side. And we all know that is *exactly* what happens.

Attack of the Clones

- Another reason that the Machete cut doesn't work is that it's several minutes into the film before we meet any character we know from the Original Trilogy (in the elevator scene with Obi-Wan and Anakin). Also, it’s a bit longer before Anakin himself is referenced by name. Amidala calls him "Ani" instead. So as a starting point into the Prequel Trilogy (and definitely as a Flashback between ANH/TESB and RotJ) the Machete Cut is very confusing. (And, again, this doesn't take into account the issues mentioned under TPM.)

- Now we see Luke's father, roughly the same age as he was, so similar as the boy we met in ANH and we also know that the girl we met in TPM is his mother. So, we've met both of his parents, we've seen them fall in love. This beautiful tragedy is going to play out soon enough, we just don’t know how. And at this point we (well, new viewers) don't know that Anakin becomes Darth Vader.

The Empire Strikes Back

-  The explanation of the Dark Side of the Force, how it works, how it brings people in, and how Obi-Wan lost Anakin… I know that is set up for the reveal of who Luke is and the redemption of Anakin in the third act of Return of the Jedi, but watching this before the Prequel Trilogy as if they are a Flashback set of films telling the story of what happened really strengthens that   narrative. And it does so beautifully.

-  It’s very, very obvious from TESB that a love triangle was VERY much in play between Luke, Leia and Han. The beginning sets up Han/Leia with a  bit of Luke thrown in with that kiss, and then the bulk of the film is  with Han and Leia. However the final bit has Luke and Leia with their connection, her kissing him (again) on the lips, and the two together while Lando and Chewie are off to find Han.

They could have easily set it up so that by the time the third film had rolled around, Leia and Luke were involved–and the “other one” was to be introduced fresh in the third film. (As was originally intended.) Now, I still think that if they had done that, it would have been Han and Leia in the end as the bulk of the love story we saw was Han and Leia, but they did still definitely set up the triangle (that was hinted at in the first film) to go full throttle in the third movie.

Going with The Flashback Cut actually helps eliminate any sense of that once we return to the trio because of the reveal of Luke and Leia being twins at the end of Revenge of the Sith before you go into Return of the Jedi.

- Aha! By having TPM and AotC before this one, we've only met Anakin, but we really know him now. So to find out that *he* becomes Darth Vader will truly, deeply have an impact like HOLY SHIT!

-  Having Luke asking Ben “Why?” a couple of times regarding the Anakin/Darth Vader lie at the end of TESB before going into Revenge of the Sith to find out how it happens makes so much sense. It sets it up that we are going to be told why.

Revenge of the Sith

- With TESB ending on Luke asking Ben “why?” we follow up immediately with the answer in full detail.

- Bringing baby Luke to Tatooine at the end of the film signifies that Anakin’s story is over and settles us right back in for the return to Luke’s story. It segues beautifully into the title of the next one: "Return of the Jedi”  in a couple of different ways. We’re done with the Sith story and now we’re going back to the Jedi. Also, Luke is the Jedi and we’re returning to his story: Return of the Jedi (aka Luke).

Return of the Jedi

-  Watching Yoda’s death scene really is enhanced by having just watched the Prequel Trilogy, especially the last third of RotS, before it. Him talking to Luke about not underestimating the power of the Dark Side as they are talking about Anakin/Vader adds so much depth and emotion for the viewer to that conversation.

-  Leia being revealed as his twin was just not this big OOH! moment; it just seemed kinda, throwaway? So being revealed in the PT is an OK loss  in my books for all we get in return.

- Finally, the biggie... we just watched Anakin's entire story play out from a young, innocent enslaved boy to becoming a slave to the Dark Side and Palpatine's power and control. And here we see him break free, once more the emotional pull between a parent and a child being the catalyst, but this time it's the reverse. Anakin is the parent, and it's love that is the motivator not hate.

The Force Awakens

The Last Jedi

-  There is the dice that we saw on the Falcon and that dice comes into play in the closing scenes with Luke and Leia, and then especially Kylo/Ben as he’s kneeling before the Falcon that  disappears in his hand.

It's OK that we don't see Solo before TLJ, because we don't need to know where the dice come from because they’re just symbols at this point–they were important to Han and that was their only needed key point in this film. Also, since TFA ended on a cliffhanger, having a flashback film between them would completely throw the balance off. TLJ *has* to come immediately after TFA for that reason.

Solo

- On the other hand, it is cool to find out why the dice we’re important to Han and we do in Solo.

- As well, the talk of the stuff that’s happening with the Empire/the Emperor in Solo sets up the horror of what could happen with the Emperor coming back in The Rise of Skywalker.

- Also, seeing Kylo/Ben’s father going from a good kid who loses his way, lost and trying to find himself just as Kylo was at the end of TLJ (and like Han, he didn't get the girl) works well.

- Plus, it also gives a breather that helps fill the stretch of time between TLJ and TRoS.

- Even though, the opening crawl is written differently than the other films, unlike the R1 story, Solo still at least has the crawl, and by not being the traditional crawl, it lets us know right away that  something different is going on. Then, boom! We meet a young Han in the first scene and we're on our way, but it was that untraditional crawl that already set us up to expect a swerve away from the continuation of TLJ.

* As I stated atop, if you just want to do The Skywalker Saga binge, Solo can easily be dropped from the watch-list.

The Rise of Skywalker

-  With the horrors that the Emperor and his Empire made of the galaxy fresh in our mind, viewers really will not want to see a return of the Emperor. (OK, not that they would anyway.)

-  We just saw a young Lando come out of the shadows deciding to fight the good fight… and here he is forty years later, doing it all over again.

- Just having watched Ben’s father’s idealistic self turned into a cynic by what the Empire/the Dark Side had created of the Galaxy visited upon his son–and turned him even worse–and then flipped on his side is a beautiful thing as Ben helps to keep that from happening all over again.

So there you go, my Star Wars: Flashback Cut (and why):

The Star Wars Saga - All released SW films: R1, 4, 1, 2, 5, 3, 6, 7, 8, Solo, 9

The Skywalker Saga - All SW films w/Skywalker characters: R1, 4, 1, 2, 5, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9

[pandoraimperatrix]

Four Names for Love

Gotham | BatCat | BabyFic | Multi-chapter | Read on AO3

Summary: When Bruce parted ways with Gotham he was leaving behind more than he thought. Meanwhile Selina is trying to find a way to herself after being abandoned again and on top of that she finds out she was left with a lot more than a heartbreak.

——————————————————————————

Philia part IV

‘Nice to meet you, Mr. Wayne.’

He touches her for the first time in ten years. It’s just her hand that he takes to his lips and he wants to pretend that the time stops, that the whole world is made of just the two of them. But the time doesn’t stop, she takes her hand back so fast it is almost rude, and they are far from being alone. There is noise of conversation, obnoxious rich people laughter, clinking of Champaign glasses and Selina’s arm in hooked to another man’s. A new money fellow, Bruce already forgot his name despite him being the one “introducing” Selina to Bruce.

‘Darling, I need to powder my nose.’

Bruce chokes with the Champaign he was pretending to drink. So that was Selina’s bimbo persona. A lady from an old timey movie.

‘Of course, sweetheart, but don’t lose yourself in the way.’

Selina laughs but Bruce can see the murderous intention in her eyes. He tries to record her laugh in his memory even if it’s fake.

‘She is very pretty. Where have you met?’ Brucie Wayne, billionaire playboy asks.

The guy, he really should have payed attention to the name, gives Bruce a cocky smile.

‘From a friend, he was interested in her, of course, who wouldn’t? I mean, look at her! But I stole her from him, took too long to make his move.’

‘Oh really? How clever of you.’

That would have sounded passive-aggressive from anyone, but Brucie Wayne with his dumb expressions and too many teeth smiles somehow made it sound genuinely impressed.

Selina didn’t come back, another man joined the conversation, Bruce pretended someone else called him and left looking for her.

He finds her with her on the balcony, her backless satin dress shimmers under the moonlight. Selina is facing the city outside with her noisy cars and cold hallowing wind, her hair is so long now, still curly, it’s blonder now too, she wears expensive perfume. She shivers when he gets closer, he wants to hold her.

‘Why did you come back?’

‘I told you I would.’

She lets out a mirthless dry laugh, Bruce gets even closer, he wants do touch her. He doesn’t. He wants her to look at him. She won’t.

‘Do you have any idea what you did...’ She finally says. ‘...just leaving?’ She takes a shaking breath. ‘You were all I had. And I know you wanted to protect me. But I didn't want to be protected. I wanted you.’

Bruce holds his breath, he feels like the whole world is so fragile that is he moves everything will crumble.

‘Say something.’

But he suddenly forgot how to form words. He has so much to say to her, it could full all the world’s libraries, and now all those words choke him, it’s impossible to say anything.

‘Say something.’ She pleads softly. And she sounds so raw, so desperate, he for the first time ponders if he made a mistake. That’s why he couldn’t say goodbye personally, because all his seeming unbreakable resolve could have never been Selina Kyle proof.

‘There was no other way, Selina. I had to go.’ He finally manages. And when she sobers up, straitening her back and holding her head up high, he knows he said the wrong thing, even though it’s the truth.

‘So what happens now?’ She asks, her voice hard and cold.

‘I don't know. But I'll never leave Gotham again.’ He adds the last lamely.

‘Selina? What are you doing here?’ Bruce and Selina puts distance between themselves. And Bruce can’t stop the feelings stirring in the pit of his stomach by seen her transform her entire demeanour. The real Selina, his Selina, is gone, and before him there is a complete stranger. She smiles, her whole posture changes, she starts blinking a little too much fanning her eyelashes, and swings her hips when she walks to her beau, putting her hand on his bicep. Bruce haven’t felt that in a very long time it takes him a while to identify it as jealousy.

‘Hi, honey.’ Her voice drips with sugar, Bruce feels ill. ‘I needed a little bit of air, I think I had one too many. Mr. Wayne here was just…’

‘I was just telling her about my last polo match.’

‘Really? I didn’t know you cared about polo, Selina.’

She laughs, and know Bruce feels betrayed by how fake it sounds.

‘Darling, I really don’t know a thing about polo, but I didn’t want to be rude.’

He wonders who taught her to act like that, through those many years he had so many masters, he now question if the same might happened to Selina in some level. That the distance between then is now too great like she had promised to him it was so many years ago.

‘Bruce, were you boring my Selina?’

Brucie Wayne would have laughed, he might even tripped and dripped his drink a little. But Bruce didn’t want to be Brucie Wayne anymore that night. He excuses himself and leaves.

ooo

That Wednesday Selina is doing some work – the lawful one – in her kitchen table as she always does, when Alfred appears to take Helena out for brunch, as he always does.

‘How are you doing, Miss Kyle?’

‘I’m fine, thank you for asking. You are doing fine, too, I guess no broken hips or other old people accidents?’ But she sounds more hopeful than concerned.

Alfred ignores the fight bait.

‘Oh, I am doing terrific, Miss.’

‘I thought as much.’

‘Where is the little lady?’ She frees the way for him to get in, by this time a small bundle of dark curls hugging him and asking five hundred questions by minute should already have tackled him. But the apartment is silent.

‘She is at Barbara Lee’s they are doing a project for school, I heard.’

Deception changes his whole expression.

‘Oh, well. I came here for nothing, then.’

Selina crosses her arms leaning to the table.

‘I could’ve called you, but why, oh why would I give you that courtesy when you couldn’t do the same for me?’

Alfred takes a deep breath.

‘I told Master Bruce you would be upset.’ He mutters.

‘And can you blame, me? Jesus, Alfred I thought we were past this!’

‘I am the most sorry, Miss. Master Bruce wanted to give you the good news himself.’

She snorts.

‘Why now? He didn’t bother the last time.’ She says bitterly.

‘You will have to ask him that yourself.’ Says Alfred. Selina’s and Bruce’s relationship is a bloody huge wasp nest and he really doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. ‘And concerning Miss Helena...’

‘There is nothing to Helena that concerns Bruce.’ She cuts him.

‘He is her father.’

‘No he isn’t. He is a complete stranger with no relations to her whatsoever. I am her father. The only one she ever had.’

‘I agree that you made a stellar job raising Miss Helena, I would never dispute that. Nevertheless, she has the right to meet her father. If you deny her that you would be unreasonable and selfish.’

He mouth falls, as she stands flabbergasted.

‘Selfish? That’s what you still think of me after all I sacrificed to raise Helena and Holly? You know what, Alfred? Get out.’ She points to the door.

‘Pardon?’

‘You’ve heard me, get the fuck out. I can’t stand even looking at you right now.’

‘Well, if you are going to be like that, I will go. I really meant no rudeness, Miss. I just think the child have the right to know where she comes from. Take care.’

‘Oh she knows where she comes from, me!’

When Selina closes the door she notices her hand shaking. For the first time in her life she was happy, everything was working out, and now he was back and she felt like was about to lose everything. She once had loved Bruce Wayne, now she is pretty sue she hates him.

  ——————————————————————————

Still not Helena, but be patient, all in its time. And Alfred and Selina are fighting once again. I feel that, in this universe, that will always happen in some way or another.

The first scene was based in the old jazz song: You Don’t Know Me. Bruce and Selina dance a lot of jazz in my head because I listen far too much of it XDD. Maybe I’ll make a playlist sometime, with Misty, Cry Me a River and Chances Are (this song is soooooo Selina), and that version of If I Didn’t Care with Amy Adams and Lee Pace.

I also want to thank everyone for the feedback, you are all amazing and all make me feel so wonderful when you take the time to tell me what you are thinking of this story. But I also want to give a special thanks to @brvceselina for the post they made about this story, you are the best!

Keep social distancing, washing your hands and taking care of yourselves. I see you soon

[royal-gowon-blog]

sweet lies // gang fic pt. 1

"i can't believe im going to be the third wheel, again!" hwayoung complained as she slipped her heels on and threw a light coat on her bare shoulders, untucking her hair out from under it and huffing.

"hey technically you won't be a third wheel the entire time, jisung said he'd introduce you to his friend who's throwing the party if you're interested." soomin replied, putting her masquerade mask on.

"how do i look?"

"sexy." hwayoung purred, making soomin crack up.

hwayoung then put her masquerade mask on and struck a pose, making eye contact with soomin.

"how about me?"

"eh." soomin shrugged, acting indifferent.

hwayoung gasped dramatically.

"i'm only kidding, you're a big dad." soomin joked.

hwayoung smiled and wiggled her eyebrows.

"now that's what i like to hear."

before the two could crack any more jokes the doorbell rang, signaling that soomin's boyfriend was here to pick them up and drive them over to the masquerade party his friend was throwing at a fancy hotel, seemingly for no other reason than he could.

soomin answered the door and flashed her boyfriend a big smile.

"you're here!" she said enthusiastically, eyeing him up and down before speaking again. "right on time."

jisung flashed hwayoung a friendly smile before smiling lovingly at his longtime girlfriend soomin.

"i sure am," he said before taking his masquerade mask out of his pocket and putting it on.

"now," he said, adjusting his watch, "should we get going?" he asked.

soomin nodded and walked out of the front door, linking arms with jisung before beginning to walk down the steps of her and hwayoung's apartment to where jisung's car was parked.

hwayoung sighed and followed after them, being sure to turn the lights off and lock the door.

once she reached the car the two lovebirds were already inside so she climbed into the backseat and mentally prepared herself for what was about to unfold.

for nearly twenty minutes hwayoung endured hearing soomin and jisung aggressively flirt with each other, as well as soomin freaking out about jisung putting his hand on her thigh, which made hwayoung laugh a bit.

they were quite a cute couple, at least that's what hwayoung thought.

"finally we're here," hwayoung said, almost as if she were out of breath as she climbed out of the back of jisung's car, taking in the sight of the fancy hotel not far from where they were currently parked.

"oh please it wasn't even that long of a drive." soomin replied, getting out of the passenger's side of the car as jisung held the door open for her.

"maybe for you." hwayoung joked, causing soomin and jisung to chuckle.

as soon as the three of them walked into the party room of the hotel, soomin and jisung hand in hand and hwayoung walking slightly behind them, their noses were filled with the scent of heavy alcohol.

"hell yeah!" soomin exclaimed excitedly, pumping her fists up into the air as she took in the atmosphere, causing jisung to laugh and pump his fists into the air.

"I'm going to go look for my friend so I can introduce him to hwayoung, then we can get some drinks, sound good princess?" jisung asked soomin.

she nodded and blushed at the nickname, blushing even harder when jisung pecked her lightly on the cheek before disappearing into a crowd of masked people all bumping against each other, drinks in hand.

soomin turned to face hwayoung with the biggest grin imaginable on her face.

"isn't this great?" soomin asked, nearly shouting so hwayoung could hear her over the loud music.

hwayoung nodded and smiled slightly.

"it's been a while since we've gone out together, I've missed it," hwayoung replied.

"it has." soomin said with a tinge of sadness laced in her voice.

"i've been going out with jisung so much lately and you, well, you're not dating sooyoung anymore but when you were we hardly ever saw each other."

"yeah," hwayoung said softly.

"oh sorry, I forgot about the no more mentioning the breakup thing." soomin explained.

"no it's okay, I'm over her."

soomin smiled comfortingly at hwayoung.

"that's good I mean, you can do better than her so."

hwayoung chuckled and smiled back at soomin.

"i guess so huh?" she asked, followed by a nod from soomin.

suddenly jisung appeared out from the huge crowd of people with a taller man following behind him.

once they reached where soomin and hwayoung were standing jisung introduced the man to the two of them, mainly hwayoung since soomin had more of an idea as to who he was since she'd heard about him a few times before.

after everyone had been introduced jisung slung his arm around soomin and whispered something in her ear before disappearing with her to go get drinks- at least that's what hwayoung assumed.

hwayoung sighed and watched the two walk away until they were out of sight, that's when she felt jisung's friend youngho move slightly closer to her and slowly raise his arm, stopping once she turned around to face him.

"could you show me what you look like under that mask?" she asked, squinting her eyes at him.

he had a familiar voice and she was curious as to whether or not she'd seen him before somewhere.

youngho cleared his throat before speaking.

"i suppose i could show you." he said before grabbing a hold of hwayoung's hand and beginning to walk somewhere, taking her with him.

on the way to wherever youngho was taking her, hwayoung spotted soomin sitting with jisung at the bar and as soon as soomin made eye contact with her she winked and shot her finger guns to which hwayoung laughed and shook her head.

"you know you could've just asked me to follow you." hwayoung said once they finally stopped walking. they seemed to be in a closed off corner of the party room where there were very few people.

"if i take off my mask and show you what i look like could you by any chance take of your mask too?" youngho asked, ignoring her previous statement.

"depends." she replied.

"on what?"

"if ive seen you before or not."

"and if you have?"

"then no."

youngho sighed before shrugging his broad shoulder and reaching up to unmask himself.

once his mask was off he ran his fingers through his hair and hwayoung's jaw dropped.

she had definitely seen him somewhere before, but she couldn't pinpoint where.

she squinted her eyes and took a step closer to him, staring at his facial features very intently.

"i definitely do recognize you from somewhere." hwayoung whispered quietly, slowly reaching up to touch his face.

youngho stopped her halfway by reaching up to hold her hand.

hwayoung felt her heart beat quicken and she immediately let go of his hand.

"i need to go use the restroom." she peeped out before ducking into the crowd and running out of the part room.

he stood there in awe for a few seconds until he saw a few men leave the party room as well, walking in the same direction hwayoung was walking in which gave him an odd feeling.

he immediately began to speed walk to the door of the party room to go make sure the men weren't trying to do anything to hwayoung.

as soon as hwayoung left the party room she realized she had no clue as to where the bathrooms were, she just knew she needed to get away from everything for a moment so that waa what she did.

she continued to walk until she reached a dead end, and at that point she realized she had been hearing footsteps behind her for quite some time.

she slowly turned around to see three masked men staring at her.

"uh h-hi?" she stuttered.

silence.

"do you guys know where the bathrooms are?" she asked nervously, backing herself into the corner.

"grab her." the guy in the middle commanded.

"im sorry wha-"

before hwayoung could finish her question the two men lunged at her and she let out a loud scream, only to have her mouth covered immediately after.

she tried to wriggle herself out of the grips of the two men but was unsuccessful and very scared about what they were going to do with her until she heard frantic footsteps approaching her and the men.

she heard the trigger of a gun click and her eyes widened, she began screaming and biting away at the large hand squeezing her mouth.

a shot fired, and another, and another, suddenly the men let go of her and she was on the ground, blood pooling around her.

she looked up to see youngho standing over her with a gun in his hand and immediately passed out from the shock of seeing him as well as having other people's blood touching her.

"shit…" youngho muttered under his breath as soon as he saw hwayoung's head hit the ground.

he quickly concealed his gun in his pocket and whipped out his phone, dialing jisung's phone number and tapping his foot on the ground as he waited for him to pick up while also trying to kick the bodies of the men out of sight.

he didn't know if they were dead and he didn't care, as long as they were out cold for now.

finally, jisung picked up and youngho was quick to speak.

"jisung, we have a problem."

[trishmishtree]

live tumbling my reaction to ml season 2 episode ???

aka The Return of Fuckboy Adrien Frozer

This is a week late because I’ve been busy. idk what the actual episode number is, but this release order is not cutting it. I’ll have to make another recommended list some time.

Spoilers and salt below. Warning: there’s a lot of salt.

Did he really need to use Cataclysm when they were just chasing a runaway hang glider? They weren’t even fighting an akuma!

Nope, this can’t be real. Adrien must be daydreaming. The love rectangle was the reason this show got attention in the first place. There’s no way they’d give up the game this soon.

Well, this came out of nowhere. Now I get the feeling Galciator is supposed to be later in the season...

What’s Kagami doing in the boys’ locker room? (They do separate locker rooms, right? Or do they change elsewhere and those are their normal school lockers? Does Kagami even go to College Francoise Dupont?)

It’s been a really long time since I watched Riposte, but...is Kagami’s voice different? I thought I was supposed to be deeper. Or maybe I’m just getting the French and English dubs mixed up.

“I’m Plagg, so very nice to EAT you” /groan

Oh look, Gorilla isn’t fired after all

Ok, so obviously he’s talking about Kagami, but since when do you study together? And why the fuck is it not even mentioned, let alone shown on screen? No, wait, don’t tell me. It’s because the writers are lazy as fuck and think that keeping the details vague somehow makes the show clever

^Tikki is all of us

I don’t know, I actually thought Marinette handled it pretty well, considering there was no way she could have seen that coming. What was she supposed to do? If she told Adrien how she felt, then he’d reject her. If she manipulated him into thinking Kagami’s not that great, or gave him a shitty date idea that backfired, that would way too inconsistent with the kind of person Mari is. Offering to third-wheel on his date as moral support was kind of dumb, but she literally had milliseconds to think about what to say after he dropped that bombshell on her.

Wtf was Juleka’s voice just there?

Is Juleka going to offer to set Marinette up on a fake date with Luka, to give her an excuse not to show up at the rink?

(Where are they anyway? This setting doesn’t look familiar at all.)

Never mind, it looks like they’re on Anarka’s ship.

Oh great, it’s Corny McCheeseface

His lines are so cringey, omg

.......Marinette, what are you planning here?

Weird how no one has been akumatized yet. You’d think Adrien would have gotten it this time, since Ladybug rejected him. Or Marinette, since she seemed so down just now. It’s not like people haven’t been akumatized for much less.

Philippe’s English voice is awful

Does either of them even know how to skate? I get the feeling Kagami’s going to have to be the one helping Adrien around.

Yep. Of course, she’s perfect at this too.

So Luka is too busy with music (does this guy even go to school, or did he drop out of Lycee?), Marinette is too busy being Ladybug, Kagami doesn’t take skating seriously even though she’s ~practically perfect~, and...let me guess, Adrien says no because he can’t let his dad know he’s here?

idk Philippe, maybe you should introduce yourself before you shove your lessons in people’s faces? Pretty sure letting people know you’re a famous skater would be a better selling point than “I’LL MAKE YOU A STAR”

Never mind, Kagami answered for him. (To be fair, he was being pushy and obnoxious, so I don’t blame her for brushing him off)

I know Gabriel can sense “negative emotions,” but can he specifically sense “my ice rink is getting shut down because Adrien Agreste won’t sign up for my class” vibes? And if so, wouldn’t Gabriel be able to know where Adrien whenever he’s out, as long as someone sees and recognizes him?

Is Plagg serious here? He KNOWS who Marinette is! Or did this happen before Dark Owl and Sandboy?

“All of Paris will be your ice kingdom”....so he’s Elsa now?

Side note: I already know they get outfit changes for this episode, so...does Marinette keep her magic macarons with her at all times, or is she going to have to run home to get them?

Never mind, they were in her backpack. (Isn’t that dangerous though? What if they fell out of her bag and someone ate them thinking they were regular macarons? Do they affect humans differently?)

Convenient how she saw the ice and immediately thought to transform, even though she probably only has a limited supply of “magicarons” and will have to make a run to Master Fu’s to restock if she uses any up. If she had those magicarons in season 1, would she have been this quick to use them on Stormy Weather/Climatika too?

It’s almost like the writers don’t give a shit

Stalactikki? Do they have to announce her new name every time, like she’s a fucking pokemon?

What’s the thing on the front of her supersuit that looks like her yoyo but isn’t? Why give her a tiara? Other than the fur, is there any part of this outfit change that has any practical purpose?

Convenient how Adrien just happens to have the magic cheese on him. Convenient how Plagg hasn’t eaten them all, too.

Why is he acting like such an asshole now? He seemed happy to ask Kagami out, and he seemed fine at the rink. Why is the writing for this show so inconsistent?

Thomas, you can’t insist on Twitter that Felix got scrapped because his trope has been done to death and Adrien is much better because he’s a perfect gentleman, while at the same time making him act like this out of nowhere in the name of giving him flaws to make him more ~realistic~

Maybe he’s mad at her for constantly replacing him with other Miraculous wielders? That would make more sense, since she’s done it like 4 times now. Plus, it would be more justified than passive-aggressively (passive-Agreste-ively?) whining about how nice guys finish last when he seemed fine just 20 minutes ago.

So...Frozer just shoots icicles out of his hands and feet?

Well, that got resolved fast. Not that Frozer was all that dangerous a villain.

I’m noticing a theme here: Any time the episode tries to fit in more “plot,” the akuma battle loses out because of timing issues. This one is most obvious because the akumatization happened SO LATE in the episode since they were too busy drawing out Love Square drama.

It’s nice of Adrien to advertise Philippe’s class online, but what is his father going to say when he gets home?

New headacanon: Kagami figured out in Riposte that Marinette is Ladybug, but she’s been keeping it from Adrien because she can see those two are hopeless.

Of course nothing changes in the end. Wouldn’t want the writers to hurt themselves trying to keep things consistent when they’re more interested in ripping off fanon after all.

4/10 The villain was lame and the writing sucked

While I despise love triangles, most of my problems with this episode actually stem from the inconsistent characterization. This episode brought us the return of Fuckboy Adrien, as well as the long-promised return of Kagami and Luka. But if Thomas was trying to convince us that Kagami and Luka were going to be deeper characters than just secondary love interests, I don’t think he could have failed more epically. Making Kagami way too cool for Adrien in addition to a secret Adrienette shipper does not make her the more compelling love interest Thomas tried to sell her as. Having Luka be nice to Marinette--who is his friend AND his little sister’s friend--just makes him a decent human being, it doesn’t give him any personality to contrast with Adrien. It just shows that the creators/writers can’t commit to an idea. It’s like “we want to shake things up a little, so let’s bring in homewreckers...but we don’t want people to hate us, so let’s make the twist that they’re secret Adrienette shippers instead!” They chose the safest route that they could chicken out of at the end.

[harlanshake22-blog]

Shatter me

Summary

As Shatter Me begins, Juliette Ferrars is a teenaged girl locked in a cell at an asylum for a crime she accidentally committed years ago. She’s starting to lose her mind from the isolation, but one day, the guards tell her she is getting a cellmate. She is worried when she finds out that the cellmate is a young man named Adam. She knows she remembers him from somewhere when they meet, but she cannot figure out from where. At first, she is scared of him, and Adam behaves aggressively, taking over the one bed and blanket in the cell and leaving her to fend for herself. However, their attitudes towards each other soften after he burns his hand on a hot plate and she patches him up. She then starts teaching him how to survive in the facility. She shows him how to get a quick shower, and he returns her bed and blanket when he sees she is cold. She remains haunted by her odd memories of him, but does not ask him about it.

One day, the soldiers come into the cell to take Juliette away. It is revealed that Adam is a soldier and a spy, working for the Reestablishment, the totalitarian government regime. She is taken to Sector 45, where she meets its leader, Warner. He wants her to use her deadly touch to destroy the rebels in exchange for a life of ease and riches. While she is horrified by the idea, Warner wants her to see what her life could be like in the compound and assigns Adam as her bodyguard.

In the compound, Juliette finds herself with every comfort, but rebuffs Adam’s attempts to get her to cooperate with Warner. She later finds out that Adam was beaten by Warner for her refusal, and decides to play along for now, dressing up and looking for a way out. She finds the notebook she had in her cell and learns that Adam is really trying to help her. He is moved into her new apartment, and she learns that Adam can touch her without being hurt. The two of them become closer, eventually starting a romantic relationship. Warner continues to press Juliette to join his side. She is horrified by his brutal actions, such as his sacrifice of one of his own men to her poison touch. Warner continues to put Juliette through sadistic tests of her power, and she and Adam begin putting together a plan to escape. They make their run for it during a drill, but during their escape, it is revealed that Warner is immune to Juliette’s touch as well. They escape and find a tank Adam hid; they flee to his home. There, Juliette is introduced to Adam’s younger brother. Soon a soldier named Kenji seeks refuge in their home after being tortured by Warner for information. He tells them to flee. Soon soldiers arrive at the home seeking the fugitives. Juliette, Adam, James, and the injured Kenji flee, but they are caught, and Adam is shot.

Juliette is dragged off, and Warner proceeds to hit on her, expressing his excitement over being able to touch her. She steals his gun while he is distracted and shoots him. She flees and finds a badly injured, tortured Adam. They steal a car, rescue James and Kenji, and flee to a safe haven that Kenji knows. At the facility, the injured are treated and Juliette is sedated after becoming frantic. She wakes up to a man trying to ask her questions, but will not answer anything until she sees her friends. Kenji assures her that they are safe. Soon, she is taken by her guard, Winston, to meet Castle, the rebel leader. Castle informs her that this location is called Omega Point, a safe haven for people who have special abilities. She is one of fifty-six gifted people. Castle is another, having telekinesis. He is organizing a rebellion against The Reestablishment. She learns that Kenji can become invisible, and Winston can stretch his body. Adam is healed, and Juliette is given a suit that allows her to touch others. Armed with the suit and a new confidence in herself, Juliette is ready to join the resistance.

Qoutes

“My life is four walls of missed opportunities poured in concrete molds.” (Page 1)

-From the begging of the story Juliette Ferrars is a teenage girl locked in a cell at an asylum for a crime she accidentally committed years ago. She said that she is in the four walls and no one can hear her.

“Adam stares at me so long I begin to blush. He tips my chin up so I meet his eyes. Blue blue blue boring into me. His voice is deep, steady. "I don't think I've ever heard you laugh." (Page 1)

-In the story Adam look at her and she feels like she nervous she can’t understand her feeling that way and she always think that Adam would kill her. She never trusts Adam.

“All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.” (Page 1)

-In the story she wanted dream like she can see outside and try to touch human with their hands.

“Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat. That I have one, too.” (Page 2)

-She said that her room is heavy with the scent of wet stone, upturned soil; the air is dank and earthy. She takes a deep breath and tiptoe to the window only to press her nose against the cool surface. Feel my breath fog up the glass. Close my eyes to the sound of a soft pitter-patter rushing through the wind.

“You can't touch me," I whisper. I'm lying, is what I don't tell him. He can touch me, is what I'll never tell him. Please touch me, is what I want to tell him.” (Page 2)

-She wants Adam to touch her but she can’t tell this to Adam because she scared to Adam that time when they both in the darkness place to take a shower but she thinks that Adam could kill her in that place.

“I've been screaming for years and no one has ever heard me.” (Page 3)

-When Adam and Juliette is in the darkness place to take a shower, she taught that Adam will kill her but she is wrong Adam feel her safe and she said that quote line because no one can bring her to that place, no one can hear her. And because of her cellmates she realizes that there is man can hear her now.

“Hope is hugging me, holding me in its arms, wiping away my tears and telling me that today and tomorrow and two days from now I will be just fine and I'm so delirious I actually dare to believe it.”(Page 4)

-She is hoping that everyone can understand her that can hug her and comfort her because no one can see her even her family or parents.

“Someone picked up the sun and pinned it to the sky again, but every day it hangs a little lower than the day before. It's like a negligent parent who only knows one half of who you are. It never sees how its absence changes people. How different we are in the dark.” (Page 6)

Vocabulary

• Dank

Adjective

Origin: Middle English Danke.

First use: 1573

: Wet and cold in way that is unpleasant.

“The air is dank” Chapter II

• Pitter-patter

Noun

Origin: Reduplication of 4patter.

First use: 15th century

: A quick series of light sound.

“Close my eyes to the sound of a soft pitter-patter” Chapter II

• Cloak

Noun

Origin: middle English cloke, from Anglo-French cloque bell, cloak, from Medieval Latin clocca bell; from its shape

First use: 13th Century

: A piece of clothing that is use as a coat, that has no sleeves, and that worn over that shoulders and attached at the neck.

“My eyes to begin to adjust in the artificial cloak night” Chapter III

• Clench

Verb

Origin: Middle English, from old English- clencan; akin to old English clingan to cling.

First use: 13th century

: To set (something) in a tightly close position.

“The clenches and unclenches his jaw. “Chapter IV

• Gnawing

Verb

Origin: Middle English gnawen, from old English gnagan; akin to Old High German gnagaw to gnaw.

First use: Before 12th century

“There’s an ache in pit of stomach that’s gnawing on my herres.” Chapter 11

• Resentful

Adjective

First use: 1656

: having or showing a feeling of anger or displeasure about someone or something unfair.

“Resentful eyes” Chapter 12

• Buckle

Verb

First use: 14th century

: To fasten (something, such as a belt) with a buckle.

“My bones begin to buckle.” Chapter 13

• Flatter

Verb

Origin: Middle English flateren, from anglo-french flater to lap, flatter, of Germanic origin; akin to Old high German flaz flat.

First use: 13th century

: To praise (someone) in way that is not sincere.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Chapter 15

• Etch

Verb

Origin: Dutch etsen, from German atzen to etch, corrode, from Old High German azzen to feed; akin to Old High German ezzen to eat- more eat.

First use: 1634

: To produce a patter, design, etc., by using a powerful liquid (cold and acid) to cut the surface of metal or glass.

“Fletcher’s face is etched in permanent humour as he crumble the ground. Chapter 16

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN

[samanthasroberts]

‘I know their vital stats, their romantic histories’: how Sunderland AFC saved me

For this Chinese Jewish Texan, England was a difficult place to feel at home. But all that changed when she discovered football

Thats shite, man! the man behind screams. The discontent in the crowd is reaching a critical mass. Useless twats, snarls a father below, opening a packet of crisps for his nine-year-old son.

I stand frozen, wrapped up in a scarf and down jacket. Who are we yelling at? Why are we so angry?

Its Boxing Day 2012 and Im at the Stadium of Light in Sunderland for my first ever football match. Its freezing cold; it begins to rain. And then it happens. A Sunderland player fires a shot that creeps past the Manchester City goalkeeper and into the bottom corner of the net. The stadium thunders as a sea of 46,000 bodies fall over each other, total strangers hugging their neighbours, while simultaneously jumping up and down. The man next to me screams so loudly in my ear that Im momentarily deaf. Then he turns me towards him, grabs my shoulders, locks eyes with me and shakes my body. Ahhhhhhhhhh! he screams, in happiness and disbelief.

Ahhhhhhh! I scream back, in fear.

***

When I moved to London, I got a job as a junior editor on a luxury lifestyle website. The site was run by a flamboyant man from Croydon named Carlos, with coiffed salt and pepper hair. Never one to pass up an opportunity to show off, Carlos liked to introduce me to visiting VIPs as our New Yorker who speaks fluent Mandarin and went to Harvard.

None of these things was true. I grew up in a small town in Texas: Amarillo. For some reason, Carlos didnt think this as impressive as being from New York (despite Amarillo being the helium capital of the world and the home of Tony Christies sweet Marie). As for fluent in Mandarin, my dad is Chinese, but I speak only broken Mandarin after living and working in Beijing for a few years. I didnt go to Harvard I was rejected but I did go to a university an hour away. None of these things made sense to Carlos, so he went with his own version.

My exchanges with Carlos were stilted. Our interactions ended in awkward silences. He was twice my age and we had nothing in common. But he was well known in London media circles and I was desperate to get him on side.

After Beijing, I assumed it would be a breeze to assimilate in a country where I no longer faced a language barrier. In China, I had spent a good amount of time miming my interactions. I also had to get used to Beijing locals asking me how much money I made, or telling me I was looking fatter than usual. But it was a bluntness I came to embrace: at least I knew where I stood.

Not so in London. The city was so rife with passive aggression that I didnt know when people were being rude or kind. A woman thanked me on the train for moving my bag and I was almost certain what she was really saying was too fucking right. A man squeezed by me on the escalator and the pitch of his seemingly polite May I? was so snide, it nearly brought me to tears. Carlos asked me if I want to do something for him at work and I wasnt sure if it was an order, a helpful suggestion or sarcasm. The words themselves were unfailingly polite, but it was all in the tone. Other Americans I knew suffered the same way. I genuinely dont know if my colleagues are making fun of me or being nice, a friend from Chicago confessed one night over drinks.

London can be a tough city for newcomers to crack. Compared with the US, people prefer to keep to themselves, especially in public. Im shy, so this was wonderful at first. No one approaches you to chat. I once fell in a crowded street in broad daylight and began the, Im fine, Im fine, honestly protest. But no one had stopped. I lay on the ground, impressed with peoples dedication to not getting involved with strangers. I began to think that I might never find a way to break through the famous British reserve. Would I ever find common ground with Carlos? If only there was some magic key.

And then one day, I witnessed a man bite another man on live TV. This happened during a football match that was on in a pub I happened to be in. I was immediately intrigued: by the biting, the drama, the getting caught, the primal emotion of the incident. I didnt realise it at the time, but this was it: my in.

On a bus, I sat with a couple of friends who were discussing live scores; soon, the entire upper deck had joined the conversation. It was like a portal to another dimension in which everyone was chatty, friendly and open on public transport.

Football was everywhere, it turned out. Once I noticed this, I began to absorb football facts, though only certain things stuck. I loved it when footballers cried. Maybe it was the persistent myth of the stiff upper lip but seeing a player moved to tears, to me, showed he cared more than anyone else. It wasnt like watching an actor pretend to tear up. This shit was real.

I loved any sort of drama on and off the pitch. Family tensions, love problems, scandals, shoving matches; before long, I became a reliable source of useless, soap opera-esque information about players.

I also became a fervent Sunderland supporter. Why would a Chinese girl from Texas living in Highbury, north London, become a Sunderland supporter? Because I had married one. Ian, born and bred in Sunderland, talked about his teams players as if they were his family. That made them my family, too. I knew their names, their shirt numbers, their vital stats, their romantic histories. I was also a natural fit for Sunderland because I love an underdog and by God, I had chosen the underdog of underdogs. The big clubs, with their expensive superstars, were boring to me. Our wins were rare, but they were so much sweeter for it.

I watched televised matches, sometimes without Ian if he was busy or out of town, something that had my friends and family baffled. During visits home to Texas, Ian and I zealously woke early to catch the Sunderland game. My father would observe me, puzzled. My mother, who is Jewish, was also bewildered but said, Well, you were the most athletic of our family of klutzes. It was my childhood best friend Jori who called me out. We were in a Waffle House diner surrounded by grassy plains. I asked Ian if he knew how Sunderlands relegation rivals had fared in their six-pointer, when she interrupted me. Are you talking about British soccer? Who are you? I told her the truth: Im just a girl, standing in front of the TV, hoping a footballer scores a winning goal in the last minute of a high-stakes match and then weeps about it.

A young fan lets rip as Sunderland take on Man United. Photograph: Getty

Do you know who really liked football? Carlos. We soon developed a rapport. Every Monday, hed rush to my desk and wed discuss the weekends matches. He was obsessed with playing style, formations and league tables. Meanwhile, I was the expert on the fights, the crying and the hissy fits. Suddenly, we were friends. He wasnt just my scary boss who got annoyed that I didnt know who Lynyrd Skynyrd were. We were bonding.

They say that to assimilate in a foreign country, you have to speak the language, and now I finally did. Did I make friends from learning about football? I would go out on a limb and say that yes, I did. I made friends with Dave at the Three store when I sat there for two hours after accidentally flushing my phone down the toilet. I bonded with a Ghanaian driver as we discussed a former Sunderland player from his country. In a hotel in the Lake District, there was a communication breakdown with a concierge that ended happily when we both agreed that Diego Costa was a jerk and Jermain Defoe a great goal scorer. When cab rides were too silent, no problem. Lets talk about the match, driver.

***

Dinner in the north-east of England is different from dinner in Texas. Here the food is cooked well-done, the weather is colder and greyer, the company more polite, the table quieter.

Ians dad, brother and uncles are lifelong Sunderland season ticket holders. Ask them a question about what they want to eat, or their favourite movie, or their preference for boxers or briefs, and they will reply, Im easy. Suggest that Jack Rodwell is a decent footballer and they are unleashed animated, passionate, opinionated. I enjoy bantering with Ians brother and dad about football, but we argue a lot mostly because there is one thing I havent been able to wrap my head around since my first game.

After that first Boxing Day match, on the walk from the Stadium of Light to the car with Ian, his dad, his uncle and his brother, I ask the question thats on my mind.

Why do we yell mean things at our own players?

Silence. And then: They just didnt show up. For most of the match, they were bloody awful, Ian says. Good use of we, though, he adds.

But shouldnt we be supporting them? Encouraging them?

Ian shakes his head and sighs.

You know, like being positive and lifting them up? I was still trying to make sense of why 46,000 people would call themselves supporters when they gave the most vitriolic, abusive commentary on their own players. Their support was downright terrifying.

This was your first match, Jess. Weve suffered years of pain while watching players go through the motions. Ive been enduring this for 25 years, Ian says. Twenty-six years, Ians older brother says. His dad: Try 60 years. And finally, I understand the British subtext: You are a wide-eyed idiot.

You got me into this: Jess with her husband, Ian. Photograph: Pal Hansen for the Guardian

At my high school in Texas, there was a club called Senior Spirits. Senior Spirit members met to boost the egos of our sports teams and rally other students to support those teams. To quote from the yearbook, their mission was to make posters and give our school spirit. In the photo, a group of 20 girls wearing matching T-shirts and ponytails, grin at the camera, 100% heartfelt.

These werent cheerleaders. And they werent affiliated with the Steppers, the ultra-serious dancers who performed at pep rallies, the hour-long ceremonies dedicated to whipping up school spirit. Nor were they the student marching band that played during football matches to help stoke, yes, even more team spirit. Team spirit was like an elusive ghost permeating the school and we all had to worship it.

That spirit was partial to posters with marker pen and glitter, to ponytails, to cakes shaped like American footballs and prayers before the big game. It revelled in exclamation marks. It did not like folded arms and booing and sarcasm. It did not like being called a useless twat.

Apparently team spirit isnt a thing in north-east England. So how do English secondary schools pump up their sports teams? I imagine the halls of these schools are lined with posters of a different sort: You better not screw this up, Jones! and Dont do any of that long-ball shit, Gibbons.

I still struggle with this complete inversion, but it unlocked something core in the English mentality how ingrained the cynicism is, as well as the tendency to proceed from a position of cautious defeat. Expect to lose so it hurts less when it happens, and if we win, no harm done.

Diehard football fans remain sceptical of me. At matches, I ask questions. I get looks when I yell cheerful encouragement. I cant stop shouting, At least you tried! every time a player takes a shot but fails to score. Some have the gall to question my passion for football until I do well at the pub quiz football round. If you love something, does it matter if you love it for all the wrong reasons? Apparently, to them, yes. But one thing was for sure: I was emotionally committed.

In May 2016, at the end of that years season, Sunderland were on the brink of doom, as we are every year. Hundreds of fans gathered at the Old Red Lion in Angel, north London, for one of the last matches of the season. I am 5ft 2in, so I left Ian and his friends and waded through Mackems to get to a good vantage point to watch the match. We were playing Everton, and this would seal everything: would we stay up and relegate bitter rivals Newcastle in the process?

Awaydays at the Drayton Park pub in north London, before taking on Arsenal at the Emirates. Photograph: Pal Hansen for the Guardian

The first time we scored, someones pint of beer, spilt in jubilant joy and shock, doused my head. On the second goal, the shouts were deafening. On the third, a man threw his arms around me and together we jumped up and down and screamed with pure joy. I left the pub dazed, half-deaf, hair soaked in booze and my face aching from smiling.

I became a UK citizen last year. At a city town hall, I swore my allegiance to the Queen and stumbled through the national anthem with 17 other newly minted UK citizens. But that moment didnt come close to the buoyant feeling of pure joy and belonging I felt in the arms of a stranger as we celebrated the victory of our beloved team. If the root of football passion is said to be a sense of family and place, then this Chinese Jewish Texan has found her new home.

Unfortunately, that home is sometimes a den of pain and despair. By the time you read this, we will have played three Championship matches in the new season. Ian assures me we will not have won one: Sunderland havent won a league game in August or September for four years in a row.

In April this year, we were finally relegated from the Premier League with four matches left to play.

Useless losers! I yell at the players as Sunderland fail to score even one goal. Its all over. Nothing to hope for now, no Match Of The Day to look forward to.

As I shout at the players, Ian pats me hard on the back. Well done, he says. I look at him, confused. Now you know what it feels like to hate your own team.

Commenting on this piece? If you would like your comment to be considered for inclusion on Weekend magazines letters page in print, please email weekend@theguardian.com, including your name and address (not for publication).

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/17/i-know-their-vital-stats-their-romantic-histories-how-sunderland-afc-saved-me/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/09/17/i-know-their-vital-stats-their-romantic-histories-how-sunderland-afc-saved-me/