#and i feel like im barely able to stay at my computer anymore

[mattslutt]

dirty secret | chris sturniolo

contents: established relationship, cheating trope, slight praising, little bit of teasing, heavy make out.

_

notes: oh my fucking gosh guys, hello!!! i disappeared from tumblr for like months because nobody was posting anymore and i had the urge to come back. i want be posting so so much since im obviously very busy with stuff but i will post once or twice in a while. i obviously forgot about my writing skills so bare with me till i get used to this again. and i also deleted all of my posts so i could start from scratch.

-

nick and i are very close, cuz we are best friends. matt and i are even closer cuz he’s my boyfriend. chris and i are not so close. for some reason we never got along. either we say one or two words to each other and call it a day or not talk at all.

i was having a sleepover at their place, obviously sleeping in Matt’s room, but for some reason i couldn’t fall asleep at all. Matt was already heavily asleep, his hands wrapped around my waist, having me pulled close to him. i slowly glanced my head back towards Matt;

‘baby?’ - i softly whispered.

‘mhmm.’ - Matt lazily mumbled out.

‘im gonna go to the bathroom’.

‘okay baby, but be quick’.

Matt softly pulled his arms away from me as i slowly got out of bed. I left Matt’s room to go to the bathroom until i saw Chris’s room door was opened. I sneakily peaked my head through and saw him playing on his computer, he was on a call with his friends. Somehow he sensed that i was standing next to the doorframe so he turned his head and gaze on me.

He removed one side of his headphones and let out a frustrated sigh ;

‘what do you want?’ - Chris asked coldly.

‘can’t sleep’ - i answered.

Chris just scoffed and continued playing his game, completely ignoring me.

i slowly walked inside to his room, sitting down on the edge of his bed and i just watched how his fingers moved onto the keyboard buttons and how focused he was.

‘why are you here? shouldn’t you be with Matt?”, - Chris asked.

‘he’s asleep but i can’t sleep, so i guess i wanna talk to you’.

‘why? i don’t like you and i don’t wanna talk to you’ - Chris glared.

i just sat there in silence, thinking of something to continue this conversation.

‘i guess i just wanna know why you don’t like me’, i spat my words out.

Chris freezes in his place, his fingers on the keyboard started to move slower as he spoke to his friends on a call;

‘uhhhh, you guys. im gonna get off. something came up’, chris removed his headphones and turned off the computer.

My eyes widened in curiosity but i didn’t let chris see that. i just waited for him to say something, anything.

Chris slowly turned his full body to me, spinning softly in his chair.

‘it’s not that i don’t like you, okay?’ chris spoke.

‘doesn’t seem like that’ - i replied.

‘fuck, you can be so dense and naive sometimes’ - chris ran a hand through his hair as his gaze stayed locked on me.

‘it’s impossible to hate you. even if i tried to, i couldn’t’ - chris admitted as he fidgeted his knuckles together.

i started into Chris’s gaze, really stared but didn’t say anything. i waited for Chris to continue speaking.

‘and i really fucking hate seeing you with him’, - chris spat his words out.

‘Me and Matt?’, i softly whispered out.

His jaw clenched a bit as he let out a frustrated sigh and looked down to his knuckles. He moved his body together with the chair to get closer to me.

‘Chris… I don’t know what to say’, - i whispered.

He just looked into my eyes as his breathing grew heavier, i could hear it. He was desperately aching for me. His gaze dropped to my lips and then back to my eyes.

‘If you don’t tell me to stop right now… Fuck. I don’t know if i will be able to’, - Chris whispered.

i could feel by breath hitching in my throat. His lips were so so close to mine. I could feel his warm breath on my face. He gave me plenty of time to pull away, but i didn’t. i leaned into his embrace.

the second our lips crashed against each other, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. His kissing was needy and intense. I softly moaned into the kiss as my fingers tangled into the back of his hair. He groaned against my mouth as he pulled me onto his lap, on the chair.

His breathing grew heavier each second as his kissing became more desperate, his fingers caressed my backside.

My fingers tangled into the back of his hair harder as i softly pulled his hair. Ragged moans were escaping his mouth as he pulled away slightly, catching his breath. Without wasting any second he pulled me into the kiss again, his fingers now moving from my backside to my hair, tangling into the back of my hair as well. His kisses became hungrier, feeling him slip his tongue into my mouth, i let him. Our tongues curled into a wave, both of us were breathing heavily.

Chris pulled away from the kiss as he started placing kisses all over my neck and jawline.

‘I want you so bad’, - he breathed out.

‘Do you now?’, - i tease.

He looked up at me, with heavy lidded eyes;

‘I’ve always wanted you. Been wanting you for so long’.

‘Then why didn’t you do anything?’, - i whisper.

Chris started to kiss my clothed cleavage, his fingers were slowly unbuttoning my blouse, one button by one. When he finally unbuttoned the last blouse, he threw the blouse off of my body as he kissed the parts left of my cleavage that were revealed.

i could feel Chris’s erection growing under me, i slowly started to grind against him, move my hips in soft circles. Chris moved his face away from me cleavage and nuzzled his face into the crock of my neck to quiet his whining.

‘You like that?’, - i teased.

‘Mhm’, - chris mumbled.

‘Good’, - I whispered. He lifted his head up again, leaning in to kiss me as he slowly removed the straps of my bra off of my shoulders.

Before Chris could do what he was aching to do, there was a knock on his door. I quickly got off of Chris’s lap and sat down onto his bed, putting my blouse back on. I was only able to button a few buttons before Matt opened the door.

He exchanged a glance between me and Chris;

‘Baby, you’ve been gone for a while. Everything okay?, - Matt’s voice was tender but he could sense that something happened.

‘All good, baby. Just couldn’t sleep and Chris wasn’t asleep as well so we were just having a conversation’, - i softly spoke as i stood up walking towards Matt.

Matt looked at Chris as he wrapped his hand around my waist;

‘Okay, then. Goodnight, bro.’ - I could sense that Matt was angry, i could hear it in his voice, even if Chris didn’t realise it.

As Matt led the both of us out of your room, i glanced you a look. With that, Matt closed your room door and i was back in Matt’s room, cuddled up into his arms.

I tried to fall asleep in every possible way but i couldn’t shake of the feeling and stop thinking about what happened with Chris; how he looked at me, how he talked, how needy his kisses were and how we almost….

Nobody can find out about our dirty secret.

————————————————————————

[lorebeth]

Hello. I was wondering if you could make a platonic Honkai Star Rail story with the reader being Jing Yuan's child and but they ended up running away to stay with their mother because they keep messing things up especially after Jing Yuan and the readers mother got divorced. it takes awhile but a few months later the reader suddenly returned to the Loufu because of some disaster where the reader had been living with their mother and Jing Yuan also wanted to talk the reader so he would finally be able to apologize to them especially after he accidentally saw the diary they kept on their computer. (I was kind of inspired by the first episode of The Owl House season three Thank To Them for this request but If you're not not comfortable with writing this that's completely alright and I wish you a good morning/afternoon or goodnight☺️)

I nearly cried bro I accidentally deleted everything I’m gonna sob but I rewrote it!!

IM SO SORRY IVE LITERALLY BEEN DEAD I SWEAR THE SECOND I WROTE FANFICS I GOT YHE MOST DEADLY COUGH OF MY LIFE I WAS SICK FOR THREE MONTHS STRAIGHT 😭😭😭 I HAD WHOOPING COUGH ISTG

My exams started a little while ago too and I had a request before this, I HOPE THIS IS GOOD ENOUGH AND IM SORRY ITS SO LATE OMG I DIDNT MEAN TO DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!

TW: mention of bad coping mechanisms - no outright mention of sh, yanqing and reader share a sibling bond, jing yuan is kinda ooc in my opinion… I genuinely think there’s a paragraph missing somewhere and a bunch of spelling mistakes so please bare with me 🙏🙏🙏 Yanqing referred to as brother multiple times near the end!!! 

It all started after the divorce. Your grades plummeted and your training sessions with your father became scarce. Your footing during combat was mediocre at best and you found yourself closing off from friends and even your own father.

He was worried about you from the beginning, never wanting you to be at the centre of the messy divorce especially during one of the most stressful weeks at the Luofu no doubt. The IPC had arrived on short notice and demanded immediate attention, leaving your father to worry about not only them but how you felt and your mental state too. 

How he showed his care however… It was not the best. He would make sure others spent time with you in his place, whenever you wanted to see him, you would be notified by a guard or one of his subordinates who would be tasked to hang out with you that he was unavailable and you wouldn’t see him until later. 

This did not make you feel better, instead you got into contact with your mother again, her reaching out and asking to spend time with you. You didn’t know how to feel and had mixed emotions but ultimately coming to the conclusion to give her a chance and slowly working up to a happier relationship with her again. Not only were you disappointed at your father but also your mother. 

She told you all about her new home and how it resembled the Luofu so much, how she would be delighted for you to join her one day. You liked that idea a lot! Especially since you had a feeling that your father’s subordinates didn’t want to babysit you anymore.

You worked on yourself and started training again, this time not with your father. The IPC had left weeks ago and promised to come back to settle matters with your father once and for all. You didn’t care about that though, you still hadn’t seen your father in a week up until the point of training.

“That’s right, Y/N!” Yanqing praised. He had become one of your closest companions and you both had a sibling-like bond: he knew you better than anyone else and you vice versa. He had become your pillar and knew all your secrets, even about the unhealthy coping you had developed and how to better maintain your emotions and habits during the tough days. 

Jing Yuan knew of you two’s training sessions and had guards keep him posted on your location at all times. He didn’t want to admit it, but he kept himself away from you at the fear of being neglectful and disappointing you again. He remembers the last time you both were in the same room, you had begged to play chess with him. He had pushed you away, saying;

“I’m busy, Y/N. Please go find someone else.” 

He in fact wasn’t that busy, he just couldn’t bare to see you and thought you were disappointed in him. He replayed that scenario in his head multiple times the entire week he’s gone without seeing you and at the back of his mind is the broken relationship with your mother. He cannot bring himself to forgive what he had done to your mother to make her leave, and he was worried you would eventually leave him as well. In desperate attempt, he would send you trinkets and clothing to try repair the missing attention he couldn’t give you, but you stopped taking them after a while. His heart couldn’t bare to see you upset at him, so he buried himself in his paper work. Surprising all those around him, especially Fu Xuan. She was extremely impressed and scared. She had no clue when he became so serious about his work and almost drowning himself in it. 

Fu Xuan knew it had to do with you. She was one of your mothers closest friends and knew that you went through one of the toughest situations of all, your parents both fighting for custody and ultimately putting you in the middle of their arguments. She also had to hang out with you in place of Jing Yuan sometimes, knowing exactly how you felt and being able to read you like an open book. She couldn’t help but feel angry at your father, cursing him and his stupidity. For a General, he sure was an idiot for denying you the love and attention you deserved, instead making others give it to you when you instead needed your father.

You fucked up. Earlier this morning in a final attempt to reconnect with your father, you walked in on a meeting of his. You had no clue he had visitors and you went everywhere in the house trying to look for him. He never let you get involved in meetings - stating you were too young and shouldn’t worry about such trivial matters. You tried to respect his wishes every time, knowing he was a well respected figure and you didn’t want to mess that up for him.

“So, this morning I received word from-“ the voice of your father stopped as you opened the door to his private study. His closest subordinates sitting around a table, waiting for him to finish his sentence. Everyone turned to look at you and you felt your face get hot, your knees wobble and tears prick your eyes. You screwed the fuck up. 

“I’m sorry! I was just-“ you couldn’t finish off the sentence, you felt your throat closing up in panic. You made eye contact with everyone, noticing pity and sympathy in their eyes. You hated it so much… But what caught you the most off guard was the hard expression on your fathers face. His eyes calculating and holding an emotion you couldn’t decipher. You wanted to explode on the spot.

Quickly and almost aggressively, you slammed the door behind you, shaking the hinges and wanting the ground to swallow you whole more than ever. 

The look in your fathers eyes. Was he disappointed with you? Did he have enough? Did he not love you anymore? Were you being too pushy about hanging out with him? Why was he looking at you so coldly? You wanted to cry and sob and forget about everything. Go back to the days before the divorce. You wanted everything to be the way it was. Going out with your mother and father, being showered with love and affection, being given small trinkets that your father said reminded him of both you and your mother. 

You felt yourself spiralling again. You needed to go see Yanqing and quick. 

“Oh Y/N…” Yanqing nearly pleaded with you. He knew that look on your face, your swollen eyes and your weak frown, he was immediately sympathetic and knew something bad happened between you and Jing Yuan. 

Yanqing himself considered Jing Yuan his father in a sense too and you his sibling, so he knew you well enough to grasp you and Jing Yuan’s connection. He also loved your mother as his own and the divorce hit him pretty harsh as well. But he understood they fought about you the most, and how helpless you felt. He never held that against you and tried his best to make sure you were safe and as happy as could be, but right now? What the hell happened?

“What happened? Do you want to talk about it?” He held you in his arms as you felt your tears never ending.

“I think father’s upset with me…” you couldn’t help inhale air with small hiccups and double takes, staining Yanqing’s shirt with your salty tears. You wanted to pry away and apologise but you felt too weak and mentally exhausted. You felt stupid and not worth it, not worth your father.

“I’m sure it was all a misunderstanding, Y/N! He loves you, of course he does!” Yanqing offered, he help you tighter and you felt all your emotions explode again, crying harder than before.

“You should have seen the look on his face- he stared and stared with that cold look!” you wrapped your arms around Yanqing’s back and clung onto him hopelessly. 

“I- N/N…” he started, only for you to cut him off.

“Y’know… I’ve been thinking about moving with mother…” you sniffled, having calmed down much more than before. You felt Yanqing freeze around you.

“W-what do you mean?” He uttered in disbelief.

You dropped your arms slowly and looked up at the young boy, wiping your tears and holding his hand in your own. 

“Let’s face it. Things haven’t been the same since the divorce. Father’s been avoiding me like the plague, sending everyone but him to come hang out with me. For Aeon’s sake, he didn’t even come to the park like we always used to on the First Full Moon of the month…” you whispered, emotion turning your voice hoarse and painful, as if thorns were tightening at your throat.

“But- but it could get better! I’m sure if I spoke to him, he’d understand!” Yanqing stared at you with determination in his eyes, his hope shining bright. 

“I don’t think it will. Not after today. I promise to come visit you, I swear it! I just- I don’t want to embarrass myself more in front of father than I already have. I don’t think he deserves that.” you state gently. 

For the first time in a few weeks, you felt excited. Not that hanging out with Yanqing and sending letters to your mother wasn’t fun, but you genuinely wanted some where new to explore, a different atmosphere away from the burden of trying to please a father who couldn’t even bother look you in the eyes. You needed a change of pace.

“I promise I’ll write you to everyday!” You beam at him. The boy looks at you with uncertainty in his gaze and sadness. After losing your mother, he didn’t want to lose you too. But he knew it would make you happier than ever. And plus, he loves reading your spelling mistakes. It’s a win-win in his book.

You had left nearly 3 months ago, keeping your promise and sending voice recordings to your brother and small videos here and there, as well as handwritten envelopes with flowers from the beautiful planet your mother came to. She had told you it’s history and how they had been rebuilding themselves as an Oasis in the making. Her mother, your grandmother came from this beautiful planet and you couldn’t help but notice how similar you looked to the natives here. You felt at home, much more than you ever did on the Luofu.

You hadn’t told you father about your departure, having opted to pack you bags immediately and call your mother, asking for a quick and easy way to travel to her home world. She accepted immediately and welcomed you with open arms.

You eventually told her why you left and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “That man wouldn’t know discipline and responsibility if it hit him with the entire Luofu itself! How he’s made it all these years is beyond me. I’m sorry you experienced that my love. I’m glad you’re with me now.” She would scoff at your father’s actions and always pat your head, getting ready to go to work or take you out during her days off. She would also help you record videos for Yanqing and would mention how she missed her son dearly, always calling him hers and asking if he’s been eating well, showing in her own way she cares.

You didn’t want to know about your father and Yanqing never told you, waiting only to tell you when you asked. Which never came.

Eventually, you had made friends with the locals, learned your native tongue and made sure that everyone was happy, having been placed to understudy your mother and work alongside her in the Guild to provide for the elders of the City. You also volunteered to as many soup kitchens as possible and helped with poverty wherever you could. Your mothers home was beautiful but the economy was rather poor, leading to the fittest to provide for the elders and young children. 

You returned home one day after a successful evening at the kitchen only to have received three distress signals from Yanqing and one from your father. You felt sick to your stomach and as if you were about to faint. 

Quickly you opened your signals and heard voice messages come through.

“Y/N! Please! You need to come back to the Luofu right now! It’s Jing Yuan! He’s- he’s been in critical condition since this evening!” 

“Please! Fu Xuan is panicking and it’s throwing me off… I- I don’t know what to do! Please…”

“He’s finally okay! He’s in a stable condition… it’s been hours! Please tell me you’re okay, Y/N! He’s been asking for you… Please return to the Luofu…” 

You didn’t dare open your father’s one. It was staring at you as if cornering you . Ready to eat you alive. 

“Y/N. You should return.” Your mother said beside your doorframe. She had heard everything and wanted to make sure you were okay. 

“I- but…?” You started, only to be met with your mother’s questioning gaze. You knew you should go visit your brother and father, Yanqing was worried and your father could have died. You had to see him. 

“Okay…” you couldn’t help but worry.

The air was different on the Luofu than your mother’s planet. It was crisp, almost as if there was electricity in the air, waiting to strike at any moment. 

As you made your way down the streets to your home, you felt a familiar presence and turned around to see Yanqing running at you full speed, nearly knocking you down ass first onto the pavement. 

“Y/NNN!!!!!” He nearly sobbed. It was endearing and a little too tight of a hug, but you reciprocated.

“Hey there, Yanqing! I’ve missed you.” You felt your eyes tear up. You had truly missed your brother and wanted him to be safe.

“I’ve missed you too. I really hope you’re happy. But..! Please- Jing Yuan- he’s been so tired and I’ve never seen him this restless. You have to go see him.” The boy stopped hugging you to stare at you with complete sadness. 

You felt as if your body was in fight or flight, wanting to drop kick your brother and run for the hills of your mothers home planet. But that would be uncivilised and you’d feel bad later.

“Okay…” you agreed with apprehension.

You had entered your father’s house. Everything was the same way it was when you left. The same colours, same tapestries, even the same stupid old vase you hated and wanted to break on multiple occasions at the ugliness of it. You truly didn’t miss this place one bit but at the same time missed all the memories and the unfulfilled promises. 

As you walked the final step of stairs and walked to the end of the hall, you were met with the door of your father’s bedroom. He had shared it once with your mother and you nearly sobbed at the sight of it. Last time you had been in his room was when you had a nightmare and wanted your mother, having snuck into the bed to be with her. 

You quickly pulled off the bandaid. Knocking softly three times and rethinking doing it again having garnered no reply.

Just as you brought your hand up to knock again, a hoarse voice spoke out. “Come in.”

You felt your stomach do summersaults and wanted to evaporate into thin air. But you had to pull the bandaid off completely, no? 

You opened the door gently and closed it behind you, walking to your father’s bed and having made eye contact with him half way through your walk. His eyes were glassy and he was in his bed with bandages all over his chest, arms and even one on his neck. You nearly broke into tears.

“Y/N…” he uttered softly. His gaze piercing yet soft. He missed you dearly and wanted to reach out desperately to apologise for how he treated you. But you weren’t here to hear his excuses.

 “Father…” you couldn’t hold it back and the tears started flowing again. Jing Yuan slowly rose up and took your hand to his chest, pulling your entire body towards him and laying you on his bed, kissing your forehead and holding you tight. You wrapped your arms around him and kept apologising, remembering how you had left without a word and wanting it all to have been a bad dream.

“You’re my child, Y/N. And I should have treated you better. I did not mean to chase you away or make you feel incompetent. I adore you and you are one of the only good things in my life. My life’s purpose.” He whispered into your hair.

“I- I should have been there when you were upset. I am sorry for neglecting you. I wish I had spoken to you more and kept the relationship.” He held you tighter, as if afraid you would disappear any minute.

“I’ve read your diary, Y/N.” You freeze. Oh shit. He started to pet your head and you feel tears blind your vision.

“Father- you weren’t..!” You can’t finish due to the hiccups taking over your body. He only pushes you away to look into your eyes carefully. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. You were never the reason me and your mother didn’t work out. You will forever be my top priority, and I am so sorry you felt otherwise. You are my child- my one true love. I will never stop fighting for you, nor your brother. Please, give me one last chance to prove to you my dear child.” His eyes were glassy and he had extreme eye bags, a curtesy of his non-existent sleep schedule. 

You didn’t know how to reply. Of course he still loved you, even after the lack of communication on his behalf and your insecurities leading up to the emotional turmoil in your relationship. 

“You’re my father. Of course I’ll always give you a second chance..” you whisper against him again.

You had a feeling that everything was going to be okay again.

[1-deadgirlwalking-1]

11/3/2024

MY SCHOOL KEEPS HAVING EVENTS TO GO TO THE AQUARIUM BUT IT’S ALWAYS EVERY SINGLE TIME AT THE EXACT SAME AQUARIUM THAT IS 3 HOURS AWAY, I WANNA GOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!1!!1! PICK A DIFFERENT ONE THAT IS CLOSER TO ME FOR ONCE, THERE ARE A DOZEN AQUARIUMS IN OUR STATE. GOSH. I CANNOT DRIVE SIX HOURS FOR A SINGLE DAY ONE EVENT TRIP!!!!!! let me see the FISHIES !!!!!!

but anyway, as a recap:

The friend I said blocked me because I scared him away had actually done so because he got with an abusive girl who forced him to block literally everyone, including MY MOM. MY MOTHER. After he broke up with her he unblocked me and explained the situation and now we’re back to being #besties forever again. I got in a QPR with the friend who’s play I went to and then we “broke up” (I said I wasn’t comfortable with dating anymore and expressed that I didn’t want it to change our relationship, which they said it wouldn’t. Real SHOCKER that didn’t happen. Though I don’t believe they are “in the wrong” for this, they can’t control their feelings.) and now we aren’t talking much anymore. BUT I’ve been texting this SUPER cool person I met a year ago and got to speak to again at their joint birthday party. They’re so awesome and I wanna be bestest friends but it’s difficult cause they live so far awayyyy. ):

And now currently:

I’m tired. I’ve gotten better, I’ve improved in the past few months. I’ve improved significantly even from the days when I was talking about how I’ve gotten so much better. I am constantly consistently improving whether or not I’m able to notice it at the time. I know this logically. But right now I’m in a depression. I had a manic episode a minute ago and now I am quite depressed. My sleep is whack, my eating is just as bad, my hygiene is getting worse. There was a point a little bit ago where I was consistently sleeping well and brushing my teeth daily, which was insane bcus I didn’t even think that was possible. But because I always let my bipolar get the best of me and refuse to medicate I’m back to the habits I’ve always had.

To show how I’ve felt, because I’m too tired to articulate it all over again, here’s a copy-paste of some messages I sent to my best friend on 10/22, 13 days ago:

“this morning mama made me come into her room to work on my schoolwork while i was tired and annoyed, cause i have two late assignments, and it made me wanna get worse to like “punish” her or something. (edgy.) like oh im not doing good enough? im not doing as well as i was earlier in the year? im doing everything wrong and you need to supervise me to make sure im actually working when i want to sleep because im tired and dont want to be alive? well what if i starved and starting hurting myself again fucking god just let me sleep i dont want to exist but i have to get up and get on my stupid eye bleeding computer because mama isnt “doing this with me anymore” and says i cant sleep all day and stay up all night and i need to get all of my schoolwork done every day. which i logically understand is because she cares about me and wants me to listen to her and doesnt want me to spiral and get in a terrible place but i feel like what is even the point.”

“why do i do anything whats the point of being alive i hate doing anything and everything except being with my friends and thats barely something i get to do. i just want to sleep forever nothing makes me really actually happy or content anymore. why am i even alive. im really depressed right now if you csnt tell i think im habing an episode”

“manic goes straight to depression sigh”

“i hate being bipolar im gonna fucking kill myself” (/nsrs)

I was improving about this mentally, feeling better again. But me and my mom had another chat about my parents possibly getting divorced, which is something we’ve had discussions about for a while. Just me and her. And I have known in my heart, that despite what she says; My father will most likely not get better or improve and she will divorce him one day, I just don’t know when that day is. And I’ve been content with that because I know if it did happen a lot would change but it would be for the best, and all I want is for my parents to be the happiest they can be, living the best lives they can. If my mother were to make that decision it’d be because it was the only choice to protect her safety health and wellbeing, she would never do something like that lightly. But when we were talking she said if they got divorced they’d have to sell the house and we’d most likely move into an apartment, which made me start crying because I wasn’t aware of that. I’d never thought of that. That they wouldn’t be able to afford it anymore.

And now because of that, I’m currently feeling like. What’s the point of anything. Why do I even exist. Why do I do the things that make me happy if I’m just going to lose it all tomorrow. What will I even have by then. I’m going to lose everything, I’m going to lose my parents marriage and my house and my entire livelihood. There’ll be no chance for me at that point, the only reason I’ve been improving is because I’ve been here in a safe comfortable place. The whole ordeal is going to ruin me. And it’s going to be all my fault because everything is always my fault.

I’m so tired. I just want. To sleep. It’s 1:03 AM. So I will.

[glitchdollmemoria]

big stupid drunk trauma vent time, kids stay away etc etc, idk wtf to tag this as so just fucking warning for the r slur and ptsd bullshit and me being an alcie

man im tired of substance use issues being shameful im tired of the phrase "substance abuse" im tired of feeling like im doing something wrong im tired of feeling like i need to keep it hidden so people dont look down on me or worry about me or pity me or get angry again. im fucking tired of not being able to go a day sober from one thing or another. im tired of all this bullshit and im tired of feeling like i need to do something to get attention and simultaneously feeling horrified at the thought of anyone so much as looking in my direction right now. im tired of overstimulation and understimulation. i feel like im just some fucking crazy schizo retard who cant manage to do jack shit and i know im talking nonsense but whatever im fucking wasted so who even cares. i can barely remember whatever i said in the last sentence. im fucking tired of stupid fucking bluetooth headphones and the battery dying and leaving me without my music to regulate myself. fuck capitalist bullshit for phasing out headphone jacks and fuck me for losing track of my wired headphones that i could use with my computer if i even still have them, idk maybe some fucking cat chewed them up i dont remember. i have a stomachache from drinking too much and i keep thinking about that fucking person who chastised me saying theres better things to do than make myself sick like this as if i fucking have any alternatives. im tired tired tired of all this fucking garbage and i want to get it through my thick skull that im cared about but it doesnt work. i want to ask for help but i dont know how to without completely losing my shit from the shame and guilt so the best i can do is tuck this little whiny letter onto my dumbass blog and then try not to think im being guilt trippy. i want less distance, i wanna live in the same neighborhood as my friends and be able to check on them and get checked on, i want my partner to be here but i dont because he deserves better than what i am right now, i wanna stop having a hole in my stomach, i wanna feel okay at night, i want to stop thinking about all the shitty trauma that keeps piling up, i want to fucking feel okay and i dont know if its human nature to feel completely okay and maybe thats what were all chasing and maybe thats what drives us but it fucking hurts in the meantime. i want to stop being so fucking crazy all the time. i wanna drink until i throw up and then get comforted and be allowed to rest and feel sick for as long as i need to feel sick because the sick i normally feel isnt fucking good enough for anyone. i want yo fucking shut up already but i cant stop fucking talking because this is the only way i know how to ask for help!!! i know im seen as fucking pathetic by so many people because thats what people fucking tell me, im some miserable fuck whos pitiful and lesser and its fucking fine okay i get it, but i dont know what to do about it except drink and smoke and drink and smoke and get fucking left behind when im not sexy or fun or financially stable anymore. i dont like thinking about the shit people have done to me and i wanna know its done and over but i dont think it ever will be because theres always gonna be someone feeding into my stupid inferiority complex. i hate it and i dont know what the hell is salvageable anymore

[inkribbon796]

Lost in a Lightning Storm Ch. 2: Far from Home

Summary: You shouldn’t talk about people, and not expect them to find out.

Chapters: 1, 2

While Henrik and Anti were talking to Tubbo and Logan, and then subsequently went off to Nate’s house to do some research, Mare went to go find Anti.

Anti was cackling with the Duke on some rooftop, who had escaped arrest after the chaos he had created. The two chaos-loving criminals were laughing and joking.

“Anti! Your boyfriend is getting too brave, you gotta[1] do something!” Mare said as he leaned over a massive air conditioning unit to get into the glitch’s face. Anti was lying on his back on the rooftop.

“Ooooooohhh~ You have a boyfriend?” Remus gave a huge smile, turning on his stomach and kicking his feet up like they were a bunch of pre-teens at a slumber party. “And you didn’t tell your best friend? For shame.”

“Shut up,” Anti kicked him in the face. Then he turned back to Mare. “I don’t got[2] a boyfriend.”

“Oh, yeah, then what the hell is he?” Mare bit back.

“None ‘a yer fookin’ business,”[3] Anti spat back.

“M’kay,[4] whatever,” Mare rolled his eyes. “Point is, he’s trying to find you.”

“I’m right here, let ‘im[5],” Anti scoffed, still lying on the ground.

“No, the old you, the human one,” Mare warned.

“Why?” Anti spat.

“I don’t know, humans are dumb,” Mare spat. “He’s your problem, you deal with him.”

“Fook[6] you!” Anti spat and stormed off.

Directly after he stormed off, he realized that he hadn’t asked Mare where Henrik was. But it was too late to storm off. Mostly because he overheard Remus trying to weedle information out of Mare. Anti was too in his own head to admit to even himself that he was embarrassed.

So he went out to find Henrik. Except he wasn’t at the hospital . . . and Logan didn’t seem to know where he was. He wasn’t at the hospital either so Anti ran around for a little bit and found them in Nate’s house.

For a couple moments, Anti debated on how upset Mare would be if he barged into his territory. Then he figured that if Mare didn’t want him to trespass, he shouldn’t have told him to take care of Henrik . . . and Anti had been in Nate’s house before on multiple occasions.

So Anti tripped about three alarms to get into the house and Nate and Henrik watched him stroll right into the living room where they were.

“Don’t yeh[7] two know not ta[8] talk about someone behind their back?” Anti layered on the glitching and blood as much as he could.

“You are certainly getting better at zat[9] effect,” Henrik complimented.

“You bleed on my carpet and I will stab you with a soul splitter,” Nate threatened.

Anti pulled out his knife, completely offended that they weren’t screaming in terror.

Nate helped up a stake, the wood was etched with runes and spell writing. “Anti, I don’t want to explain to the rest of your friends why you’re in pieces.”

“Why the fook are yeh diggin’ inta my personal shite?”[10] Anti demanded.

“Because zer is much I do not know about you, und I vish to correct zat,”[11] Henrik told him, Nate was on his computer, still looking through old census records and newspaper reports.

“I’m right the fook[6] here,” Anti spat.

“I cannot recall a time ven ve have ever talked about any’zing,”[12] Henrik told Anti pointedly.

Anti glared at him, his nose scrunched up like the demon was about to pull his lips back in a snarl. “Why, though? No point in lookin’[13] fer[14] a dead man.”

Henrik stood up, really studying Anti’s expression, “If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop.”

Anti sputtered for a moment, “I don’t care.”

“I am serious Anti, if all zis[15] investigation makes you uncomfortable or vas[16] a traumatic experience, I vill[17] stop.”

A myriad of uncomfortable feelings, that Anti refused to unpack or acknowledge, prickled under his skin and boiled his blood. He absolutely refused to be afraid of some past specter he could barely remember. Anti was better than some human who’s only contribution to the world had been dying so that Anti could be brought into the world.

So instead Anti just scoffed, some derisive, forced laugh, “Whate’er yeh two arses wanna dig up some dead bitch that did me the favor ‘a dyin’, go ahead. Here, I’ll e’en help.”[18]

Henrik watched for any sign that Anti was joking or would destroy Nate’s computer. “If you are certain.”

“Oh yeah,” Anti dismissed. “What did yeh shitebags find?”[19]

“Well,” Nate stalled as he watched Anti walk over, he stayed braced with his stake. “Don’t break my stuff.”

“I won’t,” Anti smiled. “Come on, we got some loser ta[8] find.”

“That “loser” is also a past version of you,” Nate pointedly reminded.

“Watch it, meatbag,” Anti warned. “If he wanted ta[8] stay alive, he shouldn’ta[20] died.”

“Eloquent,” Henrik commented.

“Shut,” Anti hissed back.

“Do you remember your country of origin?” Nate asked. “I’ve got several different deaths from lightning storms and factory accidents from the past 150—”

“I ne’er[21] worked in a factory,” Anti huffed, before mentally stalling because he couldn’t remember how he knew that, just that he did.

“Really?” Nate commented without even blinking. “That helps narrow it down. Means you only could have died from lightning if you’re as old as Mare says you are.”

“Mare needs ta[8] learn ta[8] keep his trap shut,” Anti scoffed.

“You were right there when he told me that, and you didn’t say anything,” Nate reminded.

Anti looked away from him, “I don’t remember this, it didn’t happen.”

“Anyways, do you remember where you came from?” Nate turned back to his computer. “I know the Septics first met you in Ireland, but are you from there too?”

“Been ta a lot ‘a places,”[22] Anti shrugged. “How am I supposed ta[8] know?”

“Well it vould[23] make it easier,” Henrik reminded.

Anti rolled his eyes, “I woke up in Australia. I hitched a ride on several hosts until I got ta[8] Ireland. I don’t know if I died there, my first ten years were a blur.”

“You are Australian?” Henrik was staring at Anti.

“No.” Hunching his shoulders up defensively, Anti glared at the doctor, “Maybe? I can’t remember. What’s it ta[8] yah[7]?”

“No, it’s not a bad thing,” Henrik rushed to say. “I just . . . it is a good thing.”

Nate and Anti just stared at him, neither of them sure which direction to take that comment, but Henrik wasn’t looking Anti in the eyes anymore. He was glancing at Anti though, a lot.

But with a country narrowed down, Nate was able to eliminate several different possible candidates. Until there were five people left, four men and one woman. Mostly because it wasn’t unheard of for gender changes to occur when a human became a demon.

“Okay,” Nate said. “We have: Caleb Carson, Hannah Laverty, Brendan O’Heyne, Angus Collins, and Joe Morrin. Does anyone sound familiar, I don’t see any pictures so . . .”

Anti’s brain felt clouded, like there was something wrong but he couldn’t place it. He felt the urge to stab something and run. Like he was in danger.

“Anti? Are you alright?” Henrik asked, there was a look on Anti’s face that the German doctor hadn’t seen on him before.

Anti’s attention drifted towards one of the names in particular. He had no memories left of that person.

Much of that person was gone now, eroded away by time, but snippets remained. Being arrested for something . . . feeling disgusting inside afterwards . . .

. . . Feeling sick as the boat wouldn’t stop shaking the world around him . . .

. . . The heat of the sun burning his skin, almost hot as the anger that burned inside of him . . .

. . . And then a deafening CRACK as he felt like his body was exploding with pain. And how they’d just . . .

“They left me there,” Anti remembered, his form glitching erratically. “They left my fookin’[24] corpse ta[8] rot!”

“Anti‽” Henrik called out but the two humans watched Anti violently shatter apart in a discorporation.

Nate surged up immediately and took out an amulet necklace. One he had once’s a while ago to safely carry Mare around. But he used his magic to scoop up as much of Anti’s aura as possible to keep him from fracturing.

“Vat[25] happened?” Henrik demanded.

“He must have remembered something,” Nate tried to calm Henrik down as he was casting spells to see how violent the discorporation was, “I don’t think it was a good thing.”

Henrik snatched the necklace away, looking at it. “Vill[17] he be alright?”

“He still seems to be in one piece, but it might take a while for him to reform,” Nate warned.

“I zink ve should stop,”[26] Henrik looked over at Nate’s laptop. “If I had known his reaction vould have been zis violent I vould have stopped ven he confronted us.”[27]

“Yeah,” Nate agreed and watched Henrik put the necklace on. “Be careful with him, an injured demon’s a more dangerous one.”

“I vill[17],” Henrik promised, and gathered up his stuff with a stiff thank you for Nate’s help and the doctor went over to his apartment with the necklace. Anti took a couple of days to reform, but he didn’t talk to Henrik. The demon would escape the necklace and then slip back in whenever Henrik was distracted or busy.

After almost a week since the incident at Nate’s house, Henrik decided that, if Anti wasn’t going to talk to him, Henrik would talk to Anti. He started out small, complaining about the coffee machine at the hospital, about how muggy the weather was.

Then, one night, while Henrik was sitting on his couch, watching some TV show, or at least had it on in the background while he was staring down at the necklace in his hands, the doctor decided to be a bit more blunt. He watched the gem, saw almost like glitchy lightning crackling underneath the surface. “I must admit, part of ze[28] reason I went digging vas[16] to get a reaction out of you.”

There was a pause to the energy in the necklace. But after a bit the glitched lightning continued as if nothing had happened.

“If you do not vant to talk about zis matter, I vill not force you,”[29] Henrik told him. “But I had hoped to get a violent reaction out of you, not to actually harm you. For zat[9] I am sorry.”

Anti’s aura shot out of the necklace was just staring at Henrik. “Why was that what yeh were goin’ fer?”[30]

“You have tried to kill me und[31] my friends many times, und[31] I vanted[32] to get you to attack me,” Henrik admitted.

“Why?” Anti scoffed, plopping down on Henrik’s couch. “If I wanted yeh[7] dead, I would’a[33] done it already.”

He took glared at him. “Zat[9] is exactly the problem, you have zis[15] odd stalking infatuation but you have tried to kill me in the past. Not to mention you utterly ruined Average’s marriage und[31] his ability to visit his children.”

“The fooker was gettin’ cucked an’ e’eryone knew it,”[34] Anti dismissed.

“She vas doin’ no’zing of ze sort,”[35] Henrik defended heatedly.

Anti looked away angrily.

The two sat in angry silence for a little while, before Henrik sighed, taking off his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose before carefully putting them back on. “Anti, vat do you vant out of zese interactions ve have?”[36]

The glitch demon decided he would rather talk about literally anything else, but his only other option was talking about his former human life and he wasn’t sure which made him look worse. “I like it when yeh[7] get angry at me.”

“Is it simply ze[28] anger or ze[28] attention?” Henrik asked, genuinely trying to understand.

Anti still wasn’t looking at him, deciding that he’d rather take the human talk. “My name used ta[8] be somethin’[37] else.”

“Vich[38] do you prefer?” Henrik asked.

“Anti,” Anti told him hesitantly.

“Zen[39] you are Anti,” Henrik agreed. “As you said, zat[9] man is dead, und[31] you are here.”

Something in Anti’s chest tightened, he didn’t like it. He didn’t like even the reminder that he was human. But he started leaning over towards Henrik. It was just a little bit of a lean, not enough to even get near Henrik. So the doctor closed the distance for him, lightly resting his shoulder against Anti’s.

“I zink zat you like the attention, vich I am more zen happy to give to you,”[40] Henrik smiled at him as Anti still refused to hold eye contact with him. “Und ven you know vat you vant, you can tell me in your own time.”[41]

For the rest of the night the two of them sat in almost near silence. Anti wasn’t ready to admit anything, but still tantalizingly close all the same. Anti getting closer and close to Henrik until the doctor was pressed up against the side of the couch and Anti was leaning against him. Anti sat next to Henrik as the doctor just ran his fingers through his hair. Anymore and Anti would have started hissing and pulling away. But as he leaned into the touch the glitch decided that he liked this attention.

Henrik occasionally looked over at Anti, smiling at him.

And if, as he scratched his fingers across his scalp, heard him give out very quiet purring sounds, the doctor decided not to tease the glitch demon about them . . . at least not yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post A/N: Anti in his AU used to be a man by the name of Angus (Jack’s “survivalist” character he made super early in his channel and in this AU Angus was arrested and sent to Australia where he subsequently died from a freak lightning storm, and then cue villain arc.

Side note: Henrik likes Anti’s Australian accent, he likes it a lot! No I will not back down from this extremely unpopular headcanon.

Accessibility Translations:

1. have to

2. have

3. None of your fucking business

4. Okay

5. him

6. Fuck

7. you

8. to

9. that

10. Why the fuck are you digging into my personal shit?

11. Because there is much I don’t know about you, and I wish to correct that

12. I can’t recall a time when we have ever talked about anything

13. looking

14. for

15. this

16. was

17. will

18. Whatever you two assholes want to dig up some dead bitch that did me the favor of dying, go ahead. Here, I’ll even help.

19. What did you shitbags find?

20. shouldn’t have

21. never

22. I’ve been to a lot of places

23. would

24. fucking

25. What

26. I think we should stop

27. If I had known his reaction would have been this violent I would have stopped when he confronted us.

28. the

29. If you do not want to talk about this matter, I will not force you

30. Why was that what you were going for?

31. and

32. wanted

33. would have

34. The fucker was getting cucked and everyone knew it

35. She was doing nothing of the sort

36. Anti, what do you want out of these interactions we have?

37: something

38. which

39. then

40. I think that you like the attention, which I am more then happy to give to you

41. And when you know what you want, you can tell me in your own time.

[notnctu]

rare - z.cl | dnly club ♡

♡ pairing: college!chenle x fem!reader ♡ word count: 953  ♡ genre: drabble, series! angsty ;-; ♡ quote: “ring ring missed call again” ♡ summary: dnyl club, where people who have lost their hearts end up. No one ever knows if someone or something sent them here or if just somehow wander here on their own. Some would say that their hearts were broken, some would say they lost it, some just wouldn’t know how or what to feel in the moment. Past this door, maybe they would be able to mend their hearts, find it, or just make a new one. One by one, each boy stood at the front door of the room, six in total, wondering what was past that door.

♡ a.n: hi hi !! i am author xuxi ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ nd i hope u enjoy reading this and pls do not reupload my moodboard as yours ty <3

She was in the library, like always. Chenle remembered when he first found how much she studied so endearing and sweet and would always respect her space when she needed it. He knew her studies were very important to her, it was one of her quirks that he had fallen for. Because Chenle didn’t focus on his study as much as she did, he had to admit that her habits have definitely influenced him for the better. 

Eventually though, it seemed as though the library was her new home. Text replies from her took longer and longer to receive, she snapped at him more often than not, even if he was just humming a tune. There were even times when Chenle just wanted her to take a break only for her to lash out and blame him for not caring for her grades. 

Slowly, he had stopped going to the library to study with her. Soon enough, her texts become a rare occurrence, she is rarely at her apartment and sometimes Chenle just lies on his bed, his phone hopelessly ringing to see if she would at least answer. 

Ring ring ring ring, missed call again. 

Chenle had gotten used to endless ringing. He resorted to just sending her mini-paragraphs that just reminded her to get some sleep, not over work herself, and remember that he is always just a text or call away. He wonders if he should send them anymore as he scrolls through messages between you two, sighing at how the texts only consist of his bright blue bubbles.

He never questioned their relationship. They were happy, she was just busy. But as the weeks go by, as his own midterms past and as his blue bubble texts continue to pile up in her inbox, he starts wondering if she would ever text him if he never texted her too. 

One day, before his final midterm, he decides to text her something he knows she will at least respond to at one point. 

Chenle: hey, im bringing you snacks, you’re at the library right? same room? 

He has even gotten so used to her extremely late messages, he knows to text her before his own classes or midterms so that he would be able to get a response while he was distracted doing other things. After spending a two whole hours on his math midterm, he isn’t surprised to see that she had only responded twenty minutes ago. 

Her: yea, ty babe <3 

At least she still had the effort to add the heart, he sighed to himself, using his fingers to count how many days it’s been seen they have seen each other. Realizing it has been a whole two weeks, he starts pondering if now is finally the time to address the problem. 

But he still could barely tell if this even was a problem. His friends would always tell him that he’s barely in a relationship, that she didn’t even try to spend time with her, that he was just being dragged along. They always told him he deserved better, but Chenle could never consider that thought, believing there was no such thing as ‘deserving better’. 

He thought about her smile, how cute her dimples were. He remembers how amazingly warm she was when they cuddled, how her laugh would light up an entire room. He remembered how much he admired her dedication and motivation. Whether it be something as small as cooking dinner for the two of them one day or planning an entire weekend trip together. Now he wonders if she even eats dinner anymore.

As he is walking through the library and up the stairs to her favorite study room, he can’t even recall the last time they had dinner together. But he still remembers where that dreaded room was, where they would fight, where she would sit alone, making him worry if she was eating her meals or if she was freezing from the ac. 

“Hey,” he tried to smile at her as he opened the door to the study room. “You ready for a small break?” 

He’s only met with a simple nod. He sighs to himself again, reminiscing on how he used to find this scene so adorable. He loved how she was organized. He remembered how she had to have her computer and books lined up perfectly and her pencil bag be parallel on the left side of her laptop. It was so particular and neat, and her cute pastel stationary and stickers on her laptop added to the adorableness. But today, it was just the same agonizing scene that he hated seeing over and over again.

She raised her eyebrow at him, taking out one of her airpods. He hadn’t seen her eyes stare into his for so long that he almost felt overwhelmed. 

“Is there something you need?” She asks, and he realizes that she didn’t even hear his greetings. 

“Oh, nothing, I just thought maybe you could use a break, I just finished my midterm today too.” The conversation sounded so unfamiliar, almost as if you guys had only met today. 

“Babe, you know I can’t. I have my midterm in three days.” She sighs, feeling stressed and he couldn’t tell if it was because of him or the material. 

“I mean, how about for just a few minutes, we haven’t seen each other in two weeks.” He tries again, but his sweaty palms can already feel her anger coming. 

“Chenle, please, I promise we can do whatever you want after finals okay?” She’s frustrated, he can hear in the huff of her voice. 

“You said that last finals week.”

And the silence stays for a while. 

[purplesurveys]

1115

survey by vintagekid

Name:  Robyn.

Happy with it? I am now, but I certainly wasn’t as a kid. Other kids were cruel and would tease me solely for my name, which made it hard for me to socialize. I got the same bad Batman jokes too many times and I also got called a boy. These seem petty now, but as a kindergartener adjusting to life in school, it had been traumatizing and made me wonder if my classmates were going to remain the way they were for the long run which no 4-year-old should be mulling about, really.

Do you wear stilettos? When I get the chance, which isn’t very often at all. But I do love stilettos.

How important are looks to you? I find this question very vague, but generally looks matter to me to a certain extent, like how I’d want to look nice and proper for a job interview or for formal occasions such as weddings. Relationship-wise, I also think I have to feel a level of physical attraction towards someone for me to consider seeing them.

How often do you download music? I don’t anymore. I stream all my music.

Can you name a philosopher? Socrates.

What would you do if two unicorns tried to whisk you off to candy mountain? I just looked this up and this is apparently in reference to an ancient viral video, like it was around before viral videos were even a universally-acknowledged concept. That said, I don’t have a clue how to respond to this lmao.

You became the deciding vote in an election, which party would you go for? I don’t base my voting decisions on parties because the party system in my country is a tragically broken shitstorm in which every single party rallies the same values and principles, just executed in their own – and usually poor and unsustainable – ways. I do my research on each candidate, see how they answer in debates, look at laws they’ve authored, see which marginalized groups they proactively support (if they do), and decide from there.

Do you have a bzoink account? I don’t but I’ve been a semi-regular visitor since like 2009.

How many phone calls do you typically make in a day? Zero. People usually call me.

What song are you listening to? Tell Me It’s Okay by, surprise surprise, Paramore.

Do you understand things others your age do not? I don’t know. Maybe. Everyone’s bound to understand some things better than others.

Do you hate people that label themselves? Why would I hate that? And why would their chosen label be my business?

How many windows do you have open? None. There’s plenty of mosquitoes at night, so even though the cold evening air would been pleasant to have we have to keep the windows closed by nighttime.

How superstitious are you? Not at all.

If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? I’ve been told either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.

Which comedian can always crack you up? It’s not a habit of mine to watch comedians.

Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not since I was a teenager. Since college I’ve been doing most of my work, if not all of it, through my laptop, and I think my parents understand that I have to use it all the time.

Do you feel bad about anything you've done lately? Nothing comes to mind, no.

What's your texting bill typically like? My SIM is prepaid, so it works the other way around. I put load credits in it only if I know I’ll have to call/text/surf regularly.

What song did you/do you want played at your wedding? Turning Page by Sleeping At Last.

Do you have a lot or hardly any lines on your palms? Idk, a decent amount I guess? I don’t think it hits either extreme.

What's your favourite word? Poignant.

Are you allowed to swear in front of your parents? Yeah. They’ll shoot me a glare sometimes, but I’m in my 20s and...they know they can’t really do anything about it anymore lol.

Do you eat apples? No.

What are your addictions? Coffee, I suppose.

What are some words you use in daily life? I use intensifiers often, like very, really, super, absolutely, etc. I’m also big on expressions hahaha like oh my god, seriously, for real, and ugh.

Do you look things up on Google constantly? Yes.

Where do you get your music from? Spotify. Sometimes YouTube if I wanna look for a leak.

What do you think of people with afros? That they are people with afros...? I don’t really know what you’re looking for me to say, lmfao.

--

survey by charey-chas

Do you like getting your picture taken? Not for the most part. My body instantly gets all frozen and awkward when a camera’s placed in front of me, which I hate because I do wish I could have more photos of myself around. Is your phone anywhere near you? It is not, actually. It feels great and I really should start making it a habit to keep it away from me entirely on weekends. Do you ever enjoy going to school? In my first school, I enjoyed going mainly (and probably only) for my friends; but Catholic school was predominantly a torturous experience. The rigidity isn’t something I look back fondly on, and it felt like being kept on a tight leash for 14 years. College was a lot more enjoyable in every way possible. I liked going to (most of) my classes and learning as much as I loved the vibrant org culture and the general freedom that comes with university life. Have you ever gone on a road trip? Lots. The Philippines is a relatively small country and unless you want to jump to a different island altogether, there are many provinces you can readily travel to by car.  Who do you get along with best in your family?  Nina, my sister. Then my dad. I clash a lot with my mom and I don’t talk to my brother. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Cats and I don’t get along very well hahaha but I think I’m similar to them. Would you ever buy anything from an infomercial? Maybe once, just to be able to say that I have. Have you ever made a snow angel? No, because I’ve never seen snow before. Have you stayed in a hotel in the last month? No. We had a brief getaway in Tagaytay but we switched things up and went to rent a condo, instead of book a hotel room, for a weekend. What's your most comfortable outfit? If I want to go for comfortable, I usually go for my rompers or jumpsuits. Do you text or IM more? IM these days. Would you rather listen to music or play it? Listen. I have no music-playing skills whatsoever. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Sure. Do you like pizza? LOVE IT Are you sleeping in your own bed tonight? Yes. If not here, the couch. But most likely it will my bed tonight. Are any of your friends having a sleepover right now? I doubt it. Angela and Hans had an overnight stay in Batangas a few days ago for their Valentine’s shenanigans though, which I guess kinda counts as a sleepover. Have you ever been to a house party? I don’t think so. That’s something I missed out on in my college days, but I don’t mind. Do you listen to your iPod or the radio when you're in the car? I think I keep a good balance. If my phone’s battery is not very high I’ll rely on the radio; and sometimes I’ll sync my phone’s Spotify to the car as well.

--

survey by charey-chas

What song is stuck in your head at the moment? RAVI’s BUM. What's your fathers' middle name? He doesn’t have a second name, but I’m not sharing his legal middle name on here either. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer? On work days, I’d say 8-10 hours. On weekends, maybe a little slightly less than that since I do like getting off the laptop sometimes to rest my eyes. Could you live without the internet? People from the past managed to live without it, so I know I can. It would just be extremely inconvenient; and having been dependent on it for such a long time now, I would likely be clueless on how to navigate most activities. What's something you're really into? Learning about cultural differences!! That’s why reading survey answers has always been fascinating to me. I would love a website that dives into the various everyday behavior people observe in other countries, but the ones that do exist use like 20- or 30-year-old sources, so they aren’t even relevant at all anymore. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Knives Out. Have you ever seen a movie in 3D or in an IMAX theater? Just once. It was Denise and Leigh’s 18th birthday treat and they brought us to watch Doctor Strange in 3D. Do you prefer skirts, shorts, or skorts? Shorts. Have you ever vandalized? Just a few school chairs in grade school, but otherwise I’m too paranoid for vandalism lol. What's the longest you've stayed up? Maybe a little longer than 24 hours. Who'd you have a sleepover with last? Gabie. When's the last time you baked something? Nearly a decade ago. Our oven was new at the time and I wanted to try baking cookies. Do you like to dance? When I’m alone. Do you scratch mosquito bites, even though you're not supposed to? Yup. Are you afaid of spiders or do you like them? I mean I’m not fond of them, but I also don’t scream and run away when I see them. I just don’t care for them for the most part. What's a pet you've always wanted? I’ve only ever wanted dogs, and now I’ve got two of them. Do you like mice? Not really. Would you ever get a tattoo? Sure. I’ve been considering it for a while now; it’s just a matter of being able to save up for one. Do you prefer to walk in the street or on the sidewalk? Street, if it’s bare and safe enough. Otherwise if I’m in a busy city with regulations and all I’d obviously rather be on the sidewalk. What's your favorite t-shirt? My CM Punk Best in the World merch. Who did you last think about? I remembered Deina when I was thinking about the tattoo question. She got a pawprint tattoo on her wrist shortly before her senior dog passed away and ever since learning about it I’ve also been thinking about getting the same tattoo. Do you like giving hugs? I love giving hugs and it’s an automatic response for me whenever I see someone I love, which is why Covid is such a torture for me. Do you prefer hardwood flooring or carpeting? Hardwood. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? No. I got a car when I was 17, around six months before I started college. Have you ever eaten a worm? No but I’d be willing to try.

[hystericalweenie]

Just Another Day at the Office - The Sexperiment

George MacKay x Reader Series

Part Five: Make It or Break It

Masterlist

Summary: Y/f/n Y/l/n is doing better than ever; she’s finally in a relationship with the man she’s been constantly thinking about, she has some great friends, and she’s thriving at her dream job. Except, there’s one problem: being in a relationship with one of your coworkers can get really steamy, and can cause a lot of sexual frustration. Her new pitch idea may solve exactly that problem, but will George be okay with it?

a/n: I have absolutely no personal experience in magazine/journalism career, so the information in this fic will be provided with the knowledge I have conducted from research. With that being said, please don’t be mad if this is not accurate!!! **“The Sexperiment” is inspired by an actual Cosmopolitan article (here’s the link!) IM SO SORRY FOR BEING GONE SO LONG I’m here to finish this shit once and for all... I know it’s been a while, but I hold this series so close to my heart and I still have the same love for it as I did when I wrote my last chapter (I know it’s only been a few months but STILL) if you’re reading this, I just want to thank you for sticking around, you’re the best <3

Warnings: This is a slow burn fic, their relationship won’t happen in one night, so if you’re not into that, check out some of the beautifully written imagines that you can most likely find under the george mackay x reader tag. I might eventually write some of my own too :P At least one person’s saying “fuck” and there’s NSFW content..aka smut. You have been warned. Also angst :/ srry this is kinda short

I was in the worst possible situation I could have ever imagined: I had to choose between my dream job and my dream man.

Bree arrived home about twenty minutes later by herself. My bedroom door creaked open, signaling her arrival. She frowned at my appearance, which seemed to be mascara smudged all over my eyes and cheeks and swollen, bloodshot eyes.

She sat down beside me, pulling me into her. “Y/n, I am so, so, sorry.”

I let out a croaked sigh, “I-it’s fine, he was going t-to find out eventually.”

“I’m sure he’ll come around,” she rubbed my back soothingly. “I think he’s in love with you.”

“It doesn't matter if he’s in love or not!” I exclaimed, pulling out of her embrace, my emotions arising again. “He’ll never forgive me for this.”

Hot tears began to stream down my face and I felt my bottom lip tremble. Bree took it as a cue to leave me be, so she quietly exited to her own bedroom.

What the fuck was I going to do?

This job was the job I’d been looking for my entire life; it was the job I’d dreamed about working at. 

But, George... 

George was everything. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that George would have ever fucked up the way I did. I wouldn’t ever have to question his loyalty, he’d proven to be trustworthy and honest. He treated me like a princess, a way I’d only ever been treated by my father. I wasn’t sure if I’d hurt more without him or without a job. He never failed to make me smile or laugh, and he’d ensure that I always felt safe. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever fall in love again, until I met him.

I could get a job anywhere, but there was only one George MacKay.

I had to delete the article.

I headed to the kitchen and made myself two cups of coffee before cracking my knuckles and getting to work. 

Dean, 

This is an emergency. If you don’t reply now or tomorrow, I’m going to be in deep, deep shit.

I didn't have time to wait for his response; I got right to work. 

What are people into nowadays, I thought to myself. Sex.

Ping. I clicked on my email.

Y/n,

What? 

Well, anything’s better than the fucking Sexperiment article. 

Dean,

I have to write a new article. George found out. BAD. Can’t release it, I have to fix this.

Also, would you say your penis size relates to your shoe size at all? It’s for the article.

Promise!

Well, I thought, here goes nothing. My fingers began typing immediately. The caffeine made my fingers shake slightly, but I was determined to write anything. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get George back, but I knew I had to. This was a start, at least. 

Ping.

Y/n,

Knew that was going to happen. I’ll help you out, but you owe me. Can we do this tomorrow though? It’s Friday night. Uhhh and to ur other question: I don’t think so. Not going to elaborate more than that. Hope that’s good enough.

I rolled my eyes.

Dean,

Fine. I’ll send you my drafts and you better respond as soon as you can.

I prayed to every possible higher power that this would work. I began conducting research, reading articles and articles about the relationship between the size of a man’s penis and the size of a man’s feet. I wrote down statistics, quotes, and scientific evidence–making sure to exclude any personal experience. I spent hours explaining the theory and science behind it and citing every single quote.

I wasn’t sure exactly what was going to happen, but I prayed that Connie wouldn’t be too pissed at me and George would hopefully see how genuinely sorry I was. I knew I’d fucked up, I got too caught up in trying to impress my boss that I practically sabotaged my own relationship in the process. I hadn’t received a single text message or call from him. I missed the way he smelt of sandalwood and vanilla, I missed entangling my fingers in his soft, sandy locks. I missed the way his skin felt against mine and his velvety voice when he called me “love”.

Tears ran down my cheeks once again as these memories lingered in my head. I stared at my computer screen, my eyelids drooping; I needed a break. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, so I decided that I was going to be entirely committed on staying up all night. Making a sandwich for myself, I sat and watched television for a moment, attempting to distract me from my obvious thoughts. And once I felt slightly more energized, I resumed reading articles, highlighting quotes, and writing. I continued this until Bree woke up, yawning as she swung her bedroom door open.

“Jesus, Y/n,” she observed, my figure at the kitchen table still hunched over, staring at my screen. “Were you up all night?”

“Yeah,” my voice was raspy from exhaustion. “There’s a pot of coffee waiting for you.”

She smiled softly, walking behind me and wrapping her arms around me. “All couples fight, you know.”

I sighed, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore; I need to get this article done.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You’re writing a new article?”

“Of course I am,” I defended, my eyes not leaving my screen. 

She poured herself a cup of the hot liquid.

“You love him.”

My eyes began to water and I fought to blink it away.

“Damn right I do,” I muttered to myself, though I was sure she heard me.

After finishing the draft of the article, I sent it over to Dean. Bree suggested that we go see our friends to distract me, but I wanted to stay home. I needed to write the final draft, and see George...both as soon as possible. Bree stayed around to make sure I’d be okay, watching television with me until Dean responded back with the edits. Once he finally did, I was rewriting the article and using his edits to perfect it. Once I’d finally finished it for Monday, I shut my laptop, grabbed my keys, and began driving to his house.

After parking, I climbed up the stairs until I reached his apartment door. I knocked a few times, nerves churning inside my stomach as I pondered all of the possible reactions he’d have. My biggest fear was that he’d never want to see me again. The door opened, revealing himself in a t-shirt and pajama pants, eyes puffy and bloodshot; I was sure my eyes looked the same.

 “I-” I began, letting out a sigh. “I rewrote the article.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“It’s still sex-themed, but it doesn’t have any connection or correlation to you,” I explained, my voice beginning to croak. “I can email it to you, if you’d like. You can read it, see if it’s okay first.”

He shook his head silently. It was apparent that he didn’t know what to say either.

“I know I fucked up,” my voice broke and my bottom lip trembled. “I shouldn’t have come up with an article like that, it was so fucking awful of me to embarrass you in front of your coworkers.”

Tears began to run down my face and I couldn't help but hiccup.

“P-please, George,” I whimpered.

His eyes began to well with tears of his own, and he pulled me into his arms. 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you outside of the restaurant,” he whispered, hugging me close to him.

“Oh, George,” I sobbed. “That was nothing; all you’ve done is treat me like gold, and I nearly exposed our fucking sex life to the world.”

He pulled away, cupping both of my cheeks with his palms, his blue orbs staring into mine, his eyelashes thick from wet tears and the whites of his eyes red.

“Please,” he begged, his voice cracking, “don’t lie, nor do something behind my back ever again.”

I pressed my hands against the backs of his, still holding my face in his palms. 

“Never again,” I confirmed, throwing my arms around him to feel the warm embrace I thought I’d never feel again. I could inhale his scent, hear his heartbeat through his chest, stare into his ocean blue orbs, and feel the soft sandy curls on his head.

He read the article, and though it made him slightly uncomfortable that I was writing about penises, he designed simple art that would make the article pop in the magazine. Then, we laid in his bed for hours, listening to each others heartbeats, listening to our breathing rhythms, staring into each others eyes as if we were silently communicating to one another. 

We decided to take a shower together, stripping each other of our clothes slowly and meaningfully. Once the hot water was running down our bare skin, we washed each other; shampooing each others hair slowly and washing our bodies tenderly, leaving kisses on wet shoulders and necks. Once we got out and dried off, we got back into his bed and maintained a spooning position, his bare torso against my bare back, as we dozed off to the warm, comforting feeling of our bare skin touching. 

Monday morning, I sat down at my desk and sent the new article to Connie, anxiety making me bite my nails as I waited for a response back. 

Ping.

Oh, no, I thought to myself.

Y/n,

Meet me in the conference room with Dean.

Connie

I sighed, exchanging looks with Dean–whom was reading the email over my shoulder–before we made our way to the conference room. She stood, her arms crossed, as we entered the room. I gulped, heart racing and sweat starting to form at my palms. The two of us sat ourselves, waiting for her to begin.

She joined us in a chair across from us, her elbows resting against the table.

“Well?” she began, her voice questioning. “What happened to the article?”

Dean looked at me, waiting for me to speak for myself. I braced myself before talking.

“The Sexperiment article wasn’t working for me, Connie,” I explained nervously, “I wasn’t having much luck writing it, and I wasn’t confident that it’d reach the magazine’s standards.”

I had to lie; I couldn’t tell her that the article nearly jeopardized my relationship. Dean sat next to me, silent.

She sighed, “I hope this one will reach the ‘magazine’s standards’, then,” she mimicked, before standing up and flattening her skirt. “I’ll publish the article, but this is a warning: do not change your article without contacting me first.”

And with that, we were dismissed, panic still swimming in our stomachs. Well, I thought, I chose George over my job; what else was I expecting?

[myironstrange4life]

Ironstrange one shot #4 part 3

𝙸𝚖 𝙽𝚘𝚃 𝚐𝙰𝚢𝟹

"One word, strange, that's all I needed."

Tony, Stephen, and pepper were sitting at the table. A different place of course, due to all the destruction caused at the previous restaurant.

they talked and talked and-

Talked for a little while more.

Strange eventually got out the second restaurant with a nose bleed and a ripped lip, couple more bruises around the lip. And near the cheeks.

He could just see the cab leaving with tony and pepper in it, acknowledging how mad he managed him to get.

Stephen walked back to the sanctum, knowing this was gonna take a while before he would be able to see or talk to tony again.

He opened the door.

"So I bet he was pretty delighted to see you huh." Wong said not looking up from his books.

"Oh shut up will you." Strange was pissed, he couldn't believe Wong was actually right.

"That's not very polite strange." Comes the ancient one's voice.

"Ancient one." Wong says standing up.

"Good afternoon wong."

She turns to face him and soon turns back to Stephen, noticing the pout of a five year old

"I'd think that being sorcerer supreme, you'd have it easy." The ancient one said.

"What do you mean"

"Being sorcerer supreme offers sacrifices you need to risk taking and if you can't do that-"

"I know I know, doesn't mean I'll like it though."

"You still have lots to learn Stephen but give it time, you'll get the answers you're looking for eventually."

The ancient one always had her ways of comforting Stephen, one way or the other she was always right anyway.

The risks the ancient was talking about was one Stephen didn't think he'd be able to pull off.

He needed to save tony stark.

The only way was to distract him.

Two years ago, Tony Stark had gotten information unintentionally making him a target in so many ways.

The information would get stark more interested, and get him to research about it.

Stephen was the only one at the time to able to pull off a 'trick' on him.

Was it wrong? Yes of course but it was necessary.

Were there other ways, of course but this would also benefit Stephen in his maturity and character, as the ancient one would put it.

Stephen being dead would get tony to get his mind off of things and focus on his friends death. Giving Wong and his team of other sorcerers to 'hack' his computers removing all information taken.

Stephen knew this was going to happen but seeing it play in his head really made him regret it.

It's been a couple of weeks and nothing. Stephen has been doing his sorcery work and Tony's still in mechanics.

Fixing cars or whatever they do-

Stephen is feeling more guilty than ever, as the days pass.

He couldn't hold it in no longer, it's too much to handle how could he do this to him.

Back at the tower, tony was fixing a car after his argument with pepper about going to some meeting. Him proposing was never going to happen and he accepted that. He broke off their relationship.

He sighed thinking about everything. He couldn't keep blaming Stephen for something he might have not even had a choice in the matter.

Tony needed to be cleared, and the only way he was going to get that was by talking.

Stephen got up, knowing things couldn't end this way he needed to talk to tony.

Tony grabbed his coat and was ready to go out that door, just to be stopped by the orange sparks. His eyes widened not being used to those sparks, still knowing from where they came from.

"Tony-" strange said, feeling somewhat guilty

"Stephen? What are you-"

"I need to talk to you, I need to explain."

Tony still was pretty pissed but he allowed Stephen to explain once more, the version he hadn't heard yet.

"Go ahead." Tony signaled him to a chair and he sat down knowing this was the the talk of the night

"Two years ago-"

Oh did those words still trigger tony, to the depths of his heart but he needed to listen.

"You were at reach of some forbidden information, these document were government based, meaning they were secured with only a description that would open the human mind to its curiosity."

Tony nodded and Stephen continued,

"As the protector of this earth,"

Stephen felt kind of weird putting it this way but he had to stay focused and serious about this.

"I need to know what's happening and make sure every thing is in order, and potentially that includes your arrogant ass."

So much for keeping it serious-

"Hmph-" tony said in response

"The ancient one informed me of you, actually, and reached out to me on this mission to distract you."

This caught Tony's eye

"Distract me huh- well tell me doctor, playing dead, was it the best choice, I may be a genius and you're not so bad yourself but didn't you acknowledge at all how I would have felt, in any way at all? Did you think of that!?"

Stephen could sense the tension, tony was still mad and he couldn't blame him, to be completely honest Stephen was too himself.

"Tony- Im not making excuses and I'm tired of apologizing because what I did, it was necessary but I regret it so bad, I never had the intention to hurt you like that, I just needed to-"

"To what-“

Stephen couldn't help it anymore, too much emotions they just cramped up all and eventually led us to this.

Tony couldn't bare this any longer. Stephen saw him getting up, he did only what his heart told him to.

He grabbed tony and connected his lips to his, knowing his could change everything between them, these were the moments where time seemed to have stopped.

Nothing else mattered, Stephen realized that now.

Tony was a mess, his cheeks red, eyes wide open still processing what was happening, and he then felt himself kissing back.

Stephen followed his heart like never before, his head was what got him into this mess I the first place, he needed to fix it.

The moment just seemed so right, why did soemthig so lustful in others eyes, look so pure in theirs?

They parted, tony gasping for air and Stephen looking into his eyes.

"I- I just"

"Nono don't say anything, Im not mad if that's what you're thinking- I'm just surprised."

"Oh" Stephen didnt know what to say at all.

So he remained silent for a couple of seconds.

"I just hated how much I hurt you tony- and well you seemed kind of upset, what am I saying you were really upset with my death so I started assuming, maybe there was more emotion than I had intended. But of course I didn't mind, feeling the same for you, I presumed you'd propose to pepper but having some one special in your life before her, that proposal didn't work out too well, then comes the apology, best friends would have forgiven each other but lovers, lovers do far more than that. See they get a little more freedom knowing their love for each other is very secure so no matter what happens that love doesn't go away, so you loving me, I'm assuming, really gets you to the phase where you make me feel terrible but me loving you, I'd do anything to fix that, so you see it now. So all that hate and agony really was the hints you gave me to believe what I know now-“

Tony listened and listened closely. To every word, letting Stephen read him like a book. Was it all little weird to say he enjoyed it?

"So in conclusión what Im trying to say is, do you love me, just as I’ve loved you?”

That stroke hard but tony had his ways. 

He got closer

"Stephen strange you have to be the most stubborn, arrogant, cynical, crazy man I've met" he looks away

Stephen frowns assuming his answer

Suddenly stark appears to me be centimeters away from Stephens face, "but you're my stubborn, arrogant, cynical, and crazy in love and sexy, very sexy man."

"Oh? Well guess what you're mine and only mine, felt that didn't you."

Stephen grabs him by the waist, "so, answer me this, do you love me?"

"Stephen Vincent strange, I've said it once and I'll say it again, love is a mystery to you, and that answer can't be given with words-"

There was a slight pause.

"You know that." Tony finishes off saying.

"I do now." Stephen kisses his lips once again and tony is very pleased to finally know what his heart desired.

Hello hello, if you know me on wattpad this may seem familiar

A mcu and a sherlock mashup- dont mind if i do :3

This is the last part btw hope you enjoyed

Wattpad: its_joselyn (myironstrange4life)

[satanschild01]

No All Might? That’s Alright Prt3

Izuku Midoriya Fanfiction                                                          

A/N: In all honesty this took me way too long just to finish writing this chapter, but I pushed through so I guess it’s fine. I’ve created a AO3 account recently and I’ve posted all of my previous fanfictions there so if you want to check me out, you can find me as SatansChild

Hope you all stay safe and wear a mask if you can't physically distance.Hope to update soon!

Catch you on the flip side ~ Em

Photo used in this fic was referenced from original picture from anime, I did draw this photo jtlyk

Tags:

@random-fandom-girl-24

Tags for some wonderful feedback😘: @trashys-things @pink-imagines @marvelmymarvel @shikigami-the-paper-spirit @spaced-out-imagines​ @marvelmymarvelmain @writingfreakk

Trigger warning: Talk about death

Word Count: 2633

Part 1 Part 2  Part 3

After making sure all of the blood was no longer on his uniform, Closing his eyes, Izuku steeled himself to walk into the All Might shrine that was his room. Sure, he still wanted to be a hero, and he admired All Might’s strength, but he couldn’t stand to be surrounded by posters and figurines of a man who couldn’t offer any sort of encouragement to a child who clearly needed it. Izuku pulled some cardboard boxes out from his closet and started filling them with everything All Might. Oboro didn’t make a sound during the time he cleaned out his room, which he was grateful for. Even though he could just feel Oboro wanting to ask questions. 

“So what are you going to do about all this stuff?” Oboro asked as Izuku changed his All Might sheets with regular black ones “You seem like such a big fan...it just seems like a waste just to keep it all in boxes.”

Izuku shrugged his shoulders.”I’m not much of a fan anymore.” he lied to mostly himself rather than to Oboro, “I guess I’ll just donate the stuff later.” Once his walls were finally bare, Izuku stuffed the now full boxes to the back of his closet and flopped onto his bed. The room stayed silent for a moment until Izuku broke the ice, “I don’t want to intrude on your personal life…but can you tell me about yourself?” he asked

“Well for the fact that I witnessed and helped you with some pretty deep stuff, it sorta would be rude if I didn’t tell you something about my previous life,” Oboro said cheekily

“H-how long have you been...you know…” Izuku paused not really wanting to complete the question.

“...dead?” Izuku nodded “I was in my second year of high school when I died and I would be 29 by now so...close to 12 years I think?”  Izuku sat there on his bed frozen

‘12 years is a long time to be a ghost or spirit to not have passed on, that is if people actually pass onto another place once they die’ Izuku thought to himself

“I was patrolling around Tasomiya Ward with one of my best friends when there was a villain attack...I was working on saving some kids when debris fell on top of me...when I woke up I was like how I am now, I couldn’t find my body anywhere so I just...travelled around…” Oboro seemed to quiet down at mentioning that he never found his body to move onto another life, so Izuku thought of ways to change the current mood of the room.

“So you were a hero in training or something?” he asked, face full of wonder, Oboro hummed in affirmation “What school did you go to?”

“I went to U.A”

“Wait really?!” Izuku exclaimed excitedly, “that's so cool!”

They continued talking and asking questions back and forth, before falling into a comfortable silence. A few minutes past before Izuku took a deep breath

“I...I’m sorry,” Izuku said quietly, slowly curling into himself

"Why would you be sorry kid?" Oboro’s voice was full of confusion. But Izuku only curled in on himself further.

"If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be stuck here." As if anyone wanted to be bound to some stupid Deku...like him. And here he thought it was a whole coincidence that Oboro was with him. But instead, he just took whatever type of freedom he had to begin with.

"Hey, no! Stop that. Izuku that's not true! I'm here because I want to be!" The warmth spread all over him and he couldn't help but lean into it. “I said I'd make a hero out of you and I still plan on it."

Izuku looked up only to see the ceiling of his room, lifting his arm up to the sky and let it just float there (like what every kid does while laying on there bed contemplating on what to do next). "I wish I could see you again."

Oboro hummed. Seeming to think something through. "I don’t think there’s much out there since I was only a second-year when I died, but there could be some photos of me with friends or an article"

Izuku seemed to take that as a challenge as he went to his computer. "What did you choose to be your hero name?"

"Loud Cloud."

After scouring the web for a couple of minutes nothing showed up except for an old article from the Nikkei Shimbun newspaper, reporting the death of hero-in-training Loud Cloud. Izuku quickly exited that site choosing to search for something different. “What’s your full name Oboro?”

“Oh that’s right I didn’t tell you my full name, it is Oboro Shirakumo” Oboro replied

“Oboroshirikumo...oboroshirikumooo….here!” Izuku exclaimed pointing at the monitor’s screen. “This photo was tagged saying ‘Curry eating competition at U.A’s School Festival. Winner Hizashi Yamada from class 2-A!’ it also says the names of the people in the photo are; Shota Aizawa, Hizashi Yamada, and Oboro Shirakumo.” 

“Oh, I remember that!” Oboro cried out laughing “The curry was soo spicy I was freaking out because I couldn’t find anything to soothe my burning throat!”

“So that’s you in the back then?” Izuku asked pointing towards a teenager who seems to be freaking out.

Oboro chuckles “Yep, the other two were my best friends!”

“Yamada looks sorta familiar what’s his hero name?” Izukku asked, curious on why the 16-year-old looked so familiar to him

“Unless he changed it before becoming a pro, which he probably would not, his hero name is Present Mic.” 

Izuku sputtered “W-wait you were close friends with THE Present Mic?!” Oboro hummed in agreement while Izuku had his miny freak out “

“Oh my god that is socool!Ilistentohisradioshoweveryday,andhe’ssuchanamazinghero,likeevenifheisdeafduetohisquirkhedoesn’tletitbotherhiman-” He stopped hearing the sound of laughter coming around his room and his lamp flickering

"Aw jeez, that’s amazing Hizashi got to get that radio show he wanted." There was a quick blast of warmth flooding around his back and chest resembling a hug. "Well anyway, you should probably head to bed. You have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow and a long way to go before you can have a chance at being accepted into UA!"

"What are you going to do while I sleep?" Izuku asked, eyes slowly drooping.

"I'm going to see how far I can go without being next to you, and have a look around and exploring a bit. No need to worry. I'll make sure to be careful and be here in the morning." He seemed to pick up on his anxieties. Izuku felt warmth as Oboro slowly pet his hair back. "Goodnight, Izuku." 

The next morning Izuku woke up to warmth pulsing on his right cheek. "Hey kid it’s time to get up! You have training to do! Up and at ‘em!" Oboro’s voice was overly joyful and Izuku felt very unwilling to get out of bed.

"Mm...just a bit longeeeer." He groaned turning himself over facing away from where he guesses Oboro is standing (floating?).

"Fair warning Izuku my jokes are terrible, everyone at school would always runaway once I started and I haven’t been able to talk to actual people in so long! If spaghetti were to have it’s own action movie, what would it be called?.... Mission im-pasta-ble. What did the pot eat on it’s birthday?....pancakes. What do you call a camel in a drought?....A dry hu- "

Finally, Izuku jerked up, covering his ears. “Okay. Okay, I’m up! No need to finish that.” His face started to burn a light pink across his face, (knowing what the end of the joke was) as he started to kick the blankets off only to turn towards the window and see barely any light outside. "Wha- Oboro!! The sun isn’t even out yet!"

He turned glaring into thin air hoping to make contact with him.

"Yes, it is, Izu. It's just reeeally early in the morning. There is plenty of time for you to get ready and eat before we go out for a morning run!" He was being weirdly energetic about the whole ordeal, but Izuku knew he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Heading to the bathroom, Izuku ran a brush through his wild curly hair and brushed his teeth. Going back to his room, Obroro pipped up. "It's a bit cool outside so I suggest you wear some long sleeves."

The entire way to his closet Izuku muttered incoherent things. In the end, he opted to wear a plain black shorts and a long-sleeved shirt with written kanji saying 'tank-top' with his old dusty sneakers because his red sneakers were still on top of the roof.

Before heading out Izuku ate some toast and an orange. If he got hungry later on their run he could always eat more when they got back. As Izulu started to leave the apartment Izuku tripped over an unmarked box that was just left in front of the door.

"Ooo I wonder what it is!” Oboro seemed quite enthusiastic as Izuku went to open the box revealing his faded red shoes and yellow backpack.

"Wai-how-who found my stuff?" Izuku asked immediately putting the bag by the door and quickly changing between uncomfortable and comfortable shoes.

"I don’t know, when I got back from wandering around the package was just...there."

"Maybe someone found it and found out where I live from my contact info and address was written inside…?” Izuku wondered out loud.

“I guess so,” Oboro said looking to the bright sight of things.

‘But what if it was...All Might. Yeah, I’m glad that I don’t have to go back up there to collect my things but...I don’t want to have to depend on All Might to help me with my own problems.’

“Hey don’t think like that Izu! I know you’re not a huge fan of the guy, but you don’t have to beat yourself down like that. I know you’re better than that” Oboro spoke sternly trying to make a point, but that soon backfired as warmth spread through his body.

“Hold up- could you always hear my thoughts?” Izuku questioned as he started to jog away from the apartment.

“So far I can heat some things. Like your thoughts that way heavily on you emotionally. But it could possibly work to talk to me through your mind. So you don’t look like a freak talking to themselves.” Oboro quickly informs Izuku as to not worry him.

Sighed Izuku. That was true. Though he kept thinking about it as he jogged. As they passed Dagobah Municipal Beach, the sun had started to rise. Taking in a deep breath was the wrong reason as Izuku cringed from the awful smell of garbage. Despite the smell, Izuku took a break, taking a seat at the entrance.

"Oh gross. What is this place?" Oboro asked with a clear sound of disgust in his voice.

"Well," Izuku started."This is Dagobah Municipal Beach Park. It has accumulated trash coming from the sea for years, turning it from a beautiful beach spot into a trash heap for everyone's unwanted or broken belongings." It was really a shame. As a kid, Izuku recalled going to the beach. Lie under a beach umbrella, making sandcastles. But by the time he was tall enough into the water, it was already flooded with trash by then.

"That's terrible." Oboro seemed deeply upset about this actually. It made Izuku want to do something about it. But before Izuku could voice his thoughts Oboro spoke up.

“Hey Izu, could we make a quick visit to a convenience store?”

“Sure...what exactly do you want me to get?” Izuku asked, despite having an idea what Oboro was thinking.

“Well...you’re going to need to get some garbage bags and some gloves.”

Izuku then dashed towards the nearest convenience store with determination in his eyes. A frail-looking lady turned the key to open the doors as he walked by. Causing her to recoil in slight shock, Izuku realized that with his rapid approach he had frightened her. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'd just come to purchase some garbage bags and some gloves.

The older woman seemed to soften something about his face as she smiled and opened his door. "Sure thing, they’re both in the last aisle on your right."

Before she went inside, Izuku thanked her and smiled back. He quickly found what he was looking for and brought a box of trash bags and a pair of workers gloves onto the counter.

"What's the hurry, son? Why do you need trash bags this early in the morning? You aren't trying to cause trouble are you?" the old woman pointed to Izuku with an accusing finger, and he shook his head quickly.

"Oh no, ma'am! I thought that I could just try and clean the beach up! I passed it while I was on my morning run!" Izuku assured, voicing Oboro’s plan

At this, the elder woman gently smiles while scanning the items. “Wow, is that right?” she said astonished, “ You know how long that place has been a mess? What makes you believe you can do it all by yourself?"

Her words weren't really painful, she was just being realistic. He knew she was right. He certainly had no obligation to clean up the beach. He could have just ignored it and easily went about his day. But he knew if he wanted to be a hero then he would need to start off the roots of how heroes came to be. How they used to work. Heroes in the beginning didn’t do what they did for fame. No. They didn’t care for the recognition they would get. They did it because they just wanted to help.

“That’s the thing, ma’am. I thought that it wouldn’t hurt to try. It’s also a great way to work out, instead of having to buy workout equipment or get a gym membership!” Izuku brightly smiles towards the lady as he handed her the money to buy his items.

“Well, I wish you luck, kid. I’m guessing that you’ll need a place to put the trash you collect.” She stated, Izuku smiling sheepishly at her rubbing the back of his head she continued, “There are two dumpsters in the alley behind the store, they get taken every Monday.”

"Thank you, ma'am!" Izuku said genuinely as he headed for the door. He didn't think too much about how he would dispose of the garbage, so it was good to have one offered.

Oboro began to laugh as Izuku jogged back towards the beach. "Cheaper than having to buy workout equipment or get a gym membership! Man, how true that is nowadays!”

The first garbage bags were packed very quickly. broken bottles, cans of beer, old and rotting newspaper, all of it was poured into the trash bag. Plastic, paper, glass, etc. Izuku could take them to a recycling center! He was already pumped about this new project when Oboro spoke up.

“Hey, Izu, before you toss that into the bag” placing his hand on Izuku’s making him feel warmth blossom closest to the soda, can packaging he was holding in that hand. “make sure you cut each circle so if they end up in wildlife again then animals won’t get their heads stuck inside.”

Izuku's eyes lit up as he started to tear apart each loop before placing it in one of the bags used for recycling. Soon Izuku had used up a quarter of the box of trash bags gone and only had 6x5 feet rectangle cleared of the beach.

[tartagilicious]

for the 700 Drabble, could you possibly do one of Gavin (mlqc) with a fluff fakerelationship!au using 27 (what if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids?) and 14 (I’m right where I belong)? it doesn’t have to have all of those elements though if there’s something you’d want to change!! thank you im advance

I just wanna say I love all the prompts you guys sent in, like uGh. this one in particular had me thinking a lot when I got it. plus, I can’t help but sigh every time I get a gavin request. because like bitch?? I love u?? 

also did you hear about the anime mlqc is getting? I’m literally so excited about it, it looks amazing!

(also I don’t remember the side characters names jsjhfdjshd I think they’re Anna and Kiki but I might be wrong.)

—

I do love you (gavin x reader)

Your coworkers often teased you about how close you were to four wildly different men, and you suspect that was the reason they were smiling so cheekily when they informed you of the upcoming charity event. It probably wouldn’t be too brash to suspect they had some kind of bet going - probably along the lines of who you would invite, you guessed - and you felt just a bit too pressured about it.

“I’m sure a date will be no problem for you, ___,” Anna said, her expression friendly but her voice sly. She was a hell of a businesswoman, but even smarter when it came to harmlessly pushing all of your buttons.

You just scoffed quietly, refusing to meet her eyes as you focused on the computer screen in front of you. “Why do you say that?”

She shrugged, her lips curving up into a small smile as she leaned on your desk. “What, it’s not like you’re not thinking of someone right now anyway, ___. Besides, I’m sure there’s a secret someone that’s stolen your heart already.”

“It’s not like that, Anna.” You insisted, your eyes finally turning on her as she quirked a brow.

“Is it not?”

You didn’t say anything. And you hated your silence because you knew it told both of you that you acknowledged that she was right. There was undoubtedly someone that had come to your mind almost immediately, and though he hadn’t exactly stolen your heart, he was definitely the one person closest to succeeding in doing so.

Maybe he was the first person to come to your mind because you knew he wouldn’t say no. Or maybe it was because you wanted the excuse to ask him in particular; but, you doubt you would ever admit that to yourself even if that were the case.

You had a hard time admitting even the bare details to him, after all.

You’d met with Gavin later that day, deciding that it would be the perfect time to ask him your favour as he had already invited you along to walk around the square for the evening. Friendly outings between the two of you weren’t uncommon and happened more often than not, so you figured that it would be the most comfortable spot to ask your question.

God, it made your heart race. You didn’t seem to think to ask him to be your date for a night was a big deal beforehand, but every time you opened your mouth to do so, your throat dried up painfully. Though, Gavin, being the person he was, knew something was up from the beginning. He even commented on it a few times, but you always politely turned the conversation somewhere else out of pure concern for your racing heart.

Yet, it was nothing short of your expectations when you finally got out the words you’d been rehearsing over and over again in your head for hours. He had graciously treated both of you to ice cream when you decided it was time to finally say something.

“Gavin, I know this might be a little too much to ask, but do you think you could be my boyfriend for a night?”

Your lips pulled into a pitiful smile as your hands gripped your skirt. It was silent for a few moments before he finally looked at you from where he sat, an eyebrow raised as he asked, “For a night? What’s the occasion?”

You were oddly disappointed at his bland reaction but were happy with his response nonetheless.

“There’s a charity event for Loveland TV in a few days,” You explained, watching his expression carefully. “and I was told to bring a date.”

He shrugged and nodded. “Sure, I’d be happy to, but why do you need me to act like your boyfriend?”

“Ah,” You rubbed the back of your neck, your cheeks flushing in embarrassment as you recalled the afternoon.

“Well, let’s just say I implied some things that weren’t true in a fit of irritation.” You smiled sheepishly but were relieved when he laughed.

“You really have always been the type of person to act now and think later, huh?” He said, still chuckling. You couldn’t help but smile at his words.

“Maybe, but thanks for helping me out. You’re the only person I could think of to ask something like that.”

There was a flicker of something in his eyes, but before you had time to dwell on it, it replaced with his usual easy-going confidence.  

“You would only need to ask me,” He said nonchalantly, digging his novelly small spoon into the dish of ice cream in his hand. “I’d be hurt if you went to anyone else first,”

His tone was slightly joking, and you let out a relieved laugh. Leave it to him to make every conversation comfortable, even if what he said made your heart jump.

“But, anyway — what’s this event all about?”

You explained it to him almost eagerly, but you just passed it off as feeling relieved. After all, the whole interaction had gone so smooth, you couldn’t find a reason not to be happy about it. Gavin also seemed to be enjoying your mood, his lip consistently quirked up into a small smile as you talked, and the detail had you feeling light.

You were glad that you’d asked him. Of course, you wouldn’t have minded going with someone else, like, say Lucien, but something about knowing that you were going to dance as his girlfriend for a night had you giddy the entire time you were preparing for it the next day.

But, you were startlingly awkward when he picked you up. You tried not to be, but the sight of him in a suit and tie had your words lodged in your throat as soon as you saw him. Thankfully, it was fine, because he read the situation and made the friendly conversation that was common between the two of you and wasn’t awkward in the least.

It must have been one of his charms, making people comfortable. You swore it was because you couldn’t help but relax when you heard his voice or saw him smile. And as soon as you reached the venue the party was being held out, you weren’t nervous anymore.

“So,” You spoke quickly as you unplugged your seatbelt. “I think you actually already know me well enough to play my boyfriend-”

“Hey,” He interrupted with a small smile as he turned off the car, making your eyebrows raise slightly. “I’m your boyfriend, remember? That’s not something you should be saying to me,”

Your lips parted in surprise before you raised a brow. “Then what’s something I should be saying to you?”

His eyes narrowed as his lips curved up into a tentative smile.

“Ask me later.”

You’d pursed your lips, giving him a questioning look, but had still followed him out of the car and up to the building. But, before he could reach the doors, you rushed out and grabbed his hand, stopping him with one last thing on your mind.

His eyebrows furrowed, and though a hint of surprise flashed through his eyes, that was all it was; a flash.

“What? Is something wrong?”

‘Um,” Your face flushed. “It’s just- if my friends say anything weird, don’t mind them too much, okay?”

He laughed as he took his hand away from the doorknob to lightly ruffle your hair, careful not to mess up the way you’d styled it. “They wouldn’t be your friends if they weren’t weird in some way already.”

You used your free hand to hit him on the shoulder, and his laughter didn’t cease, but there was a warm and affectionate look that stayed in his eyes that you could definitely get used to. But, like any other time, it was gone soon after, replaced by an easygoing look as you walked into the building.

Photographers flocked around you, flashes whirring, and with an encouraging hand squeeze from Gavin, you both smiled and waved. You never felt completely comfortable with all the attention that came from inheriting the production company from your father, but with Gavin by your side, standing there for the camera felt as natural as breathing.

After he managed to pull both of you away from the crowd, you tried to look for Anna and Kiki to inform them of your arrival. But, you couldn’t help but walk rigidly, nervous for the life of the fib you were trying to pull off. You trusted Gavin, of course, but you didn’t know if you trusted yourself.

Holding his hand as you went through the room was enough to make your heart pound, so you didn’t know what you were going to do when you had to pretend more convincingly in front of them. Your mind couldn’t help but run through the possibilities, but a voice called out to you, thankfully, before you could overthink it.

“___!’

Anna’s unmistakable voice called out to you, and with one last comforting squeeze to your hand, Gavin pulled you over to her.

“I should have known,” her voice was subtly teasing, but you just gave her a small smile and pretended not to notice. “Of course you were talking about Gavin. Who else would it have been?”

You tried to ignore her words, but you couldn’t help the blush that blanketed your cheeks. It seemed like Gavin was having a hard time fighting a blush, too, and she just laughed.

“You two are so shy~” She cooed, barely able to fend off a meticulous grin at your expressions. “I’m sure you’ve already done everything, so there’s no need to hide it.”

Gavin just laughed along with her, his hand that was still wrapped around yours turning slightly clammy. But, you didn’t mind. You were sure that you were much worse, after all.

“Of course,” He said, his voice so suddenly adoring that your blush darkened immediately. “We’ve known each other for so long, so it was only due time.”

She quirked a brow. “How much is a long time?”

“High school,” He answered with a smile, so lovely that you couldn’t help but wish that his words were genuine. “She was a year younger than me, but we saw each other a lot anyway, so we knew each other.”

Anna nodded with a slightly less suspicious smile. However Gavin’s words were hitting, they seemed to have an effect on her.

“That’s really cute! You never told me any of that, ___. I saw him so much but never knew…” She trailed off, and Gavin exchanged a tentative look with you, unbeknownst to Anna.

You were suddenly looking desperately for an escape, not wanting to have to deal with the maddening pressure anymore. You hated having to lie to one of your best friends, especially if the feelings that were supposed to be fake were becoming more real as the minutes passed. You felt like you were lying to too many people at once.

And you thanked god that Gavin was so perceptive. He was a thousand times more social in a lot of ways, too, so he no trouble excusing both of you and letting you lead the way out of trouble

“Gavin,” You got his attention quietly as he looked to you. “Sorry for dragging you into this. You can wander around if you’d like, just take my pass and they’ll let you go anywhe-”

You started to take the lanyard off your neck, but Gavin’s hand slipped out of yours for the first time that night to put an arm around your shoulder, successfully stopping you.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, ___. I’m right where I belong.”

Your cheeks flushed as you looked at him, the close proximity of your faces putting you off significantly.

“O-ok, well,” You paused for the sake of your voice, which felt like it was about to break out. “Do you wanna go outside? This building has a courtyard, and uh- it’s kinda, uh stuffy in here?”

You were a stuttering mess and got your words out as more of a question than a proposition, but Gavin just smiled and leaned back, seemingly satisfied with what he’d just done.

“Sure we can. Let’s go.”

His hand slipped from your shoulder to fit in your hand again, and you couldn’t help but sigh internally as he pulled you along. You had such a hopeless crush on him at that point that it wasn’t even funny.

He found the doors without much of your direction, and to your relief, the courtyard was closed off for only a select few, so you were able to be there without any distraction. It was too nice of a night to be distracted, you thought, momentarily forgetting about your wildly beating heart as you stared up at the stars.

“Hey,”

Your words were quiet, and more earnest than even you’d ever heard from yourself, so his head turned almost immediately.

“Can we talk about something?”

He pulled his lips into a line for a few fleeting seconds before nodding.

Your mouth opened momentarily, and the words lodged in your throat.

“What if we dance out here?” You blurted, ignoring the screams of protest in your head. You’d meant to confess your thoughts to him, but there was so much holding you back that you had no choice but to chicken out.

“You can still hear the music, and, it’s prettier out here.” You explained, letting out a nervous chuckle as he just smiled at you. His sweet gaze told you he knew what was whirring in your head, but his smile told you nothing.

You took it without another word, and couldn’t help a smile when you began to step to the rhythm of the music behind the windows. Unsaid words hung in the air, begging to come into the light, but you couldn’t help but rest your chin on his shoulder as you moved, not trusting yourself to look at him and let your eyes say what you couldn’t.

So you just stood there, letting your breathing steady as you adjusted your grip around his back and in his hand. Maybe it was better if you just pretended.

“___,” He called your name softly, his breath humming right by your ear as a shiver ran down your back. “What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids?”

Your breathing steeled as you gripped onto the fabric of his jacket.

“You don’t mean that.”

“You make my heart race with just a touch, ___. You’re kind and will do anything for the people you care about and the things that matter to you. You’re hard-working and sweet, and you make me crazy with longing-”

Your brows furrowed as doubt and happiness whirred through you simultaneously. “Gavin, stop.”

“I won’t. Not until you see-”

You let out a quick breath as you reached up to his collar and pulled him into a rushed kiss. He grunted in surprise, his arms moving slightly before settling back down as he moved his lips languidly against yours.

You kissed him until your lungs couldn’t bear it anymore, your breaths equally laboured as you pulled back and looked at the other.

“Don’t you get it, ___?” He took an uncharacteristically unsteady breath. “I love you, and I have since before I can remember.”

“This isn’t my fake boyfriend saying this, is it?” You pushed out a small laugh as your cheeks flushed. He did nothing but smile at you, swiping a thumb over your cheek.

“How would you feel about your real boyfriend saying that?” He said, his hand going down to rest around your waist again comfortably. You felt completely natural with him by your side, and finally, the screaming in your head ceased.

“I’d feel great about him saying that,” You whispered, unable to keep a smile off your lips as he lifted you off the ground into a tight hug.

“Gavin!’ You laughed as he lifted you into the air, but settled into a happy smile again once he brought you down near his face.

Your nose brushed lightly against his cheek, and at that moment, the weight on your chest lifted as you whispered shyly, “I love you too,”

[fever-dreamxo]

im just going to vent about something kinda personal cause thats what i do on here although i hate it

so i’m in my room and i’m having a depressive episode. i’ve been on and off crying and overall feeling very shitty about myself and my life. i don’t feel like talking to people and i’m trying to keep from crying still but i have to leave my room to move my car to the other side of the street (streetsweeping) and get something to eat

i’m getting something to eat and my mom tells me something. now i get that she thought it was a completely harmless funny story but she just didn’t know there was something i wouldn’t like about it. i also may have seemed more ‘mad’ about it when i was trying to be emotionless and reasonable bc, as i said i’m in a depression and have recently been crying and am still really emotionally vaulnerable.

she says she was in my room doing bills because i’d left the door open and wasn’t home and told me about how my cat was bothering her and was just telling me funny stuff about my cat, like her doing all those things i always tell my parents she does in my room

but i really don’t like the idea of my mom going into my room to do bills or something when i am not there. because it is kind of my ‘space’, i keep a lot of private stuff in there like journals, my computer, even therapy diary cards where i track things like whether or not i self harmed or had suicidal thoughts, clearly things i don’t want other people seeing. and i sometimes just leave those things out carelessly because i have trusted and take for granted the fact that other people do not go in my room and do things there when i am gone.

so i just said ‘can you please not go in my room and do things there when i’m not home’

the entire time she is acting really rude and condescending to me, kind of angry and has a major ‘tone’ while i am trying to stay reasonable and not get emotional or mad. she is asking me why and like, arguing with me about it. saying why can’t she go into my room because it’s her house and ‘our’ house and we should all be able to go wherever we want. and i say well i just think of it as my space and don’t want other people going in there for a while when i am not home.

then of course she makes a low blow and uses the ‘well i pay for everything so technically it’s my room so i can go in there if i want’ which honestly i didn’t entirely expect that, i thought we were past that but it fucking hurt because one of the reasons i was so depressed is because i was already feeling so worthless and shitty about myself that i live at home and can’t even afford to pay them rent not that they need it because they’d still afford this house whether or not i am there paying rent and plus i pay for pretty much everything else i use. she says i’m not going through your stuff or anything so why is that a problem. and i don’t understand why she just can’t say okay and just not do it any more cause it’s really not that hard to understand that i don’t want people in my room doing stuff when i’m not there and it kinda feels like an invasion of privacy!!

and i said she probably wouldn’t like it if i was doing stuff in her room while i was gone but she insisted she wouldn’t care but i’m sorry but she knows she would care and that you shouldn’t do your bills or whatever in someone’s room without them asking. she knows it would be weird if my dad did his work in my room while i was gone without telling me, if my brother did homework in my room while i was gone without telling me. and that’s the only reason i really care- because she could’ve at least asked but she didn’t even tell me and that means she must have known i wouldn’t like it but went in there anyways!

and it’s like, i could’ve laid out the reasons. i could’ve explained that it’s my -space- because she has the entire house as her space but the only space that is -mine- to me, that holds my belongings, that holds practically everything i own, that i can decorate and do whatever i want in- is my room. she said the house is ‘ours’ but then pretty much immediately after says what she truly believes- the house is mine, your room is mine, everything is mine and you’re just a visitor here.

and it fucking sucks because i want my own space, i want my own place, i’m a fucking adult but i can’t fucking afford it and it’s a huge fucking burden on me!!! my room is the only place that feels like MINE and literally all i was asking was that she not do bills in there! that’s why i didn’t want to explain, because i knew she will argue against it no matter what i say and i don’t know why it’s so hard for her to just say ‘okay, i’m sorry and that’s fine, i won’t do my bills in your room without asking anymore, i didn’t realize you wouldn’t have wanted me to do that’

and of course, i somehow ended up being the one saying ‘i’m sorry’ at the end of it. what was i even saying ‘i’m sorry’ for? for asking something so simple of someone because of my need for privacy, because okay maybe she’s not the same (but she’s also not experiencing the same thing as me) but i am just a private person? am i apologizing for ever daring to upset her in the slightest, because what really matters here is that i offended her, by asking for something so small that barely inconveniences her?

i’m just... upset by this. not even pissed. i don’t have the energy to be mad about it anymore. but i’m going through a lot of shit mentally and situationally right now, and she just really kicked me while i’m down, whether she knows it or not.

[kackmack]

Fake Smile

Rowan x Aelin

Chapter 9

“WHAT THE FUCK? YOUR DATING HER” Fenrys roared barging into Rowans office. Rowan didn’t shift his face from his computer. “WHITETHORN”

“What?” Rowan answered flatly finally looking up.

“Aelin! You asshole!” Fenrys barked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Rowan tried not to smirk but as the weekend’s events flashed over his eyes he couldn’t help it. Aelin and Rowan spent the whole weekend cooped up in his apartment, not even venturing out for food, having delivery and movies on his tv in the background as he couldn’t even keep his hands off her, kept them both in bliss until the hard hit of Monday morning had him leaving her in his bed so he could go to work. He desperately wanted to stay, but with the deadline coming up he just couldn’t risk a setback.

“Don’t play dumb! She was here!” Fenrys clutched his hands on his sides nearly shaking. Rowans face fell as he realized Fenrys normal goofiness was replaced by rage.

“How do you know that?”

“Your assistant was blabbing off about a cute blonde waiting in your office. What the hell Rowan! You were the one telling me not to go after her.”

Rowan knew he was truly fucked and couldn’t act like he didn’t know what Fen was talking about. “You need to calm down, you had like two conversations with her.”

“Yeah! And I liked her. You dick. The one girl you date. REALLY?” Fenrys snapped back. Rowan knew Fenrys was mad but he really didn’t have to be this loud or aggressive. Rowan didn’t owe him an explanation so he just kept his face blank.

“We’re not dating.” Rowan truly didn’t know what he was doing with Aelin. Every day Rowan felt more, cared more. It hadn’t hit him that they hadn’t labeled it.

Dating? He hasn’t even taken her out.

Together? No he hasn’t had that conversation with her.

Just fucking? Nope he knew he had feelings for her. Deeper than lust.

“Oh? You’re just fucking her? Fuck you dude. You could have anyone. You could have your damn assistant!” Rowan clutched the papers on his desk to keep from throwing something at Fenrys.

Rowan calmed his nerves and set the papers down as he calmly said “Aren’t you hooking up with the girl from Human Resources? You have like four girls you like at once. Go find someone else. Don’t come at me like that because Aelin didn’t want you.”

“And what? She wants you?” Fenrys scoffed and Rowans blood started to boil. “She’s like half your age. You’re an old brute. All you’re going to do is hold her back and waste her time. You just want her because she’s a new shiny toy. You’ll drop her as soon as you get bored.” Fenrys had already slammed the door behind when Rowan threw his stapler.

Hours later, Rowan still couldn’t focus, barely able to do his work as his mind kept going back to the words Fenrys spat at him.

“You’ll hold her back.” “Waste her time.” Rowan tried not to think about how she truly was much more than he thought. She’s witty, wicked smart, kind, and she opened up to him. Rowan hasn’t had many people open up to him much less him to others. His appearance, his hight, his bulkiness, his tattoos, his ever so firm resting angry face scared people away. He liked it that way. Seeing people avoid him in the streets, avoid his eye contact as he spoke, or people down right being intimidated fed his ego.

But she was never intimidated by him, everything that drove people away from him just lured her in. Aelin was some kind of light, a fire and he couldn’t bring himself to realize he’ll be the one to snuff out her spark.

Rowan knew he had to let her go. Let her be happy with someone near her age, that could share the life experiences that will shape her into a beautiful woman. Rowan didn’t want to admit it but he knew Fenrys was right.

Rowan finally had the inkling to call her as he left his office. He had avoided all her calls and text as he mulled over the words from Fen. Didn’t even want to read the messages she left him as he dialed her number.

“Hey baby.” Aelins voice was light and airy as if she’d been waiting for his call all day. Rowan clenched his jaw as his heart strained.

“Aelin.” Rowan couldn’t bring himself to say anything else.

“Rowan, what’s wrong?” As if just the sound of his voice gave him away. As if she knew the change of his voice by heart.

“We can’t do this anymore. Aelin we can’t see each other.” Rowan was trying to keep still as he sat in his car, still parked at his office.

For a moment Aelin remained silent. Like she was letting his words settle into her, letting the words enter her heart slowly.

“Why?” She finally spoke, almost a whisper.

“You deserve so much more than me. Aelin I’m too old for you. I’ve lived already and you haven’t.” Rowan let out a deep breath as he spoke.

“You’re only seven years older than me what are you talking about?”

“Aelin don’t make this harder than it needs to be, we’ve only known each other for a month now.”

“You know what Rowan fuck you! I fell for you!” Aelin snapped. Rowan couldn’t believe what he just heard. As those word hit him like a brick in the face.

“I know you have feelings for me Rowan. I know you do. Don’t lie to me.” He couldn’t lie to her he couldn’t tell her he had not felt anything for her. “I know my age. I know yours. I have no problem with it. It seems like you do.” Its more than that. “Rowan don’t act like youre doing this for me. You’re doing it to keep you’re piece of mind. I get it. But im tired of this game Rowan. I’m tired of wanting you and you running away. Pushing me away and pulling me back in. Rowan choose to have me or not to. Choose me or don’t. Figure your shit out!” he heard the click as she hung up.

Rowan couldn’t help but punch his steering wheel enraged.

….

Aelin threw her phone clear across the locker room when she hung up. What the hell was that? Why do this?

Aelin was just about to start training when Rowan called. She couldn’t help her big smile when she saw his name on her phone, her butterflies crept up as she answered and it was quickly ruined.

After a bit of training.

“Ow what was that for?” Aelin spat as Dorian smacked her on the face with his training glove.

“You’re not here Aelin.”

“What the fuck Dorian? Obviously I’m here.”

“No Aelin your mind is somewhere else. I told you when you step into this gym, when you train with me. You keep your problems at the door and train.” Dorian said as he smacked her again.

“Fine!” And before Dorian could block, Aelins gloved fist came flying to his face. Ignoring the training glove completely.

“Okay not to my face but yes please focus.” So Aelin gave it her all.

After about thirty minutes of fighting, Aelin had finally stopped for a brake.

“Dorian I need you to come to Aedion’s and Lysandras wedding with me”

“Are you asking me to be your date?” Aelin rolled her eyes as he smirked.

“Uh I guess”

“Aw I’m sorry. I was invited and I already asked Mannon…. Aelin don’t make that face.” Aelin didn’t realize she scrunched up her nose at the mention of her old opponent.

“She acutely likes you, you know. Aelin give her a chance. It wasn’t her that beat you up in the alley, it was her damn following.”

Aelin had asked Rowan to the wedding a few days ago and he surprisingly said yes, even offering to go with her to the rehearsal dinner, it made her heart flutter how he wanted to be there for her.

Seems like plans changed so she’ll be going to both alone.

…

When Rowan finally got home, he actually went straight to bed. It seemed like today had been a little to exasperating so he made his way to his bed as soon as he was showered.

As he laid back he noticed his senses riling up, her sent was woven into his comforters. They had spent most of the weekend in his bed so he shouldn’t be surprised to smell her on it, he just didn’t think it would hit him so hard.

Rowan clutched the sheets to his face as he remembered her lips on his. Remembered his hands all over her, his tongue all over her. Remembered her moans, her saying his name so breathlessly.

Rowan picked up his phone and noticed he had three text messages and one voicemail from Aelin waiting for him.

TEXT: Hey baby good morning, I hope you have a good day!

TEXT: I saw this silver Hawk stuffed animal and thought about you.

(Picture attached)

TEXT: I know you’re busy, I hope you’re not stressed call me after work?

Voicemail: “Hey I know you probably won’t listen to this till later today but Im at lunch and I just wanted to say I want to see again Rowan.”

Rowan read the text and heard the voicemail at least hundred times before falling asleep. He tried, he really tried to tell himself what he did was for the best.

…

Aelins limbs were trembling as she took off her clothes in the locker room. She had gone harder than she had in months in the ring today. Telling Dorian “Again” after every break they had. They had been sparing for at least three hours before Dorian had grunted “ Enough”. She couldn’t help it. She needed to get all her stress out, her favorite outlet to let it all go. But tonight it had done nothing but make her arms and legs burn.

Aelin hated showering at the gym, the water was always freezing, Dorians father was so tight with his money he didn’t even buy a water heater. “it’s the best for my fighters” No hes just cheap.

Tonight though the freezing water hitting her bare skin was honestly a welcomed pain. Let all her limbs soak so the fire could ease. Aelin just stayed in the shower for an ungodly amount of time until she was shaking to the bone.

Authors Note: To my coworker that found my fanfiction… please don’t hate me

xxx

Tag list: @flowersinvegas @shadowstar2313 @heir2chaos@heymichelle360@aelinchocolatelover @captain-timetraveldreamer@rowaelinforeverworld 

[ts-sugar]

Sugar Stories: Logan’s History

I finally began writing for this AU! I wrote this all today, and had a whole lot of fun with it. I hope you enjoy!

(I had to do this on mobile cause my computer is being annoying, which sucks)

you ate our chocolate castle

and when you’re done you left to search for new delicacy

you shred my heart

however I am not angry at all cause im chocological

(chocological - mili)

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Logan Fudgeroot.

Logan Fudgeroot was a curious, kind young boy of 12 years of age. He was the prince of the planet Sugar, and lived in a glorious castle made of pure magic and confections.

At least, he would be soon.

You see, the king and queen of this world had passed about three years ago. They were both very sick, and Logan was their only son. They couldn’t possibly ask a child to rule an entire planet on his own. The idea was absurd.

So they had Logan stay with caretakers after they passed. Distant relatives that the young boy barely knew. They certainly weren’t the nicest of people, but Logan didn’t know where else he could possibly go.

Luckily for him, his new family had kept many of his parents possessions. Including their books.

Logan’s parents had been very talented magic users, and had been friends with many more. There were tomes full of magical knowledge in these books. Logan managed to smuggle them away into his own collection, and studied them as often as he could.

Logan was a very intelligent young boy. He learned very quickly, and had the patience and determination that he needed to be able to learn how to use magic. It did not take him very long to become proficient.

One day, Logan decided that it was time for him to leave. In the middle of the night, Logan moved as many of his things as he could into a small wagon, and fled from the town he had been living in. He headed towards the only other place that he had ever been; his parent’s castle.

Logan made his way through the woods, in a long journey that took him about a week. The woods were full of friendly fairies and animals, that helped the young prince on his journey.

When Logan reached former home, he was sad to see the state it was in. Without his parents magic here to keep it together, the magical building was in ruins. It wasn’t much of a home anymore. But, Logan stayed there anyway. There were still so many salvageable objects and rooms. Surely it could be repaired.

So, with his new magical abilities, that is what Logan set out to do. He created pets and friends made out of magic that could assist him, and began the creation of his new home.

The first room created was a magical candy lab, where he would create all of the ingredients he needed to build this delicious dwelling! Logan began to create walls of marbled chocolate, honey cracker floors, sponge cake furniture... whatever his heart desired.

Logan was alone. Magic beings of his creation weren’t sentient enough to be considered people. He wished that his parents were there to help him, but he was still happy. Lonely, but content.

It had been a long time since he had began rebuilding his castle, but it was nearly complete. Logan stood in the middle of a long hall, a content smile on his face. He was so excited, and had put on his loveliest outfit for the occasion.

Logan turned as glimmering gummy bears hurried past him, carrying stacks of books in their arms. They were heading towards the final room to be completed.

The library.

The library was something extra special. It was built right at the central of the castle, with high ceilings, big candy glaze windows, and fancy dark chocolate shelves. Logan was very proud of what he had done with the once dingy library. It was a huge improvement.

It was very exciting to finally have somewhere fit to keep his parent’s books, and all of the other books left in the old library. Logan would be spending a lot of time there.

Logan giggled as the bears ran down the hall, turning a corner. Just as he was about to sprint after them, something caught his attention.

The front door to the castle, just at the end of the hall behind Logan, swung open. Someone wearing a brown cloak stumbled inside, and Logan froze. He couldn’t be sure that they were trustworthy, and this was the first time he had seen an outsider in years...

Logan slowly approached the person, who seemed to be catching their breath. They froze when Logan approached, and started backing away.

“Wait, no!” Logan frowned, holding his arms out. “Don’t be scared. Who are you? How did you get here?”

The person slowly looked up at Logan, pulling back the hood to their robe. “I... I’m Juno. Juno.. Candygram. I was just... I got lost.” They whispered, eyes locked on Logan.

Now, Logan was a smart boy, but he was still incredibly lonely. “Oh? Well... you’re welcome to stay here if you need to. Or I could help you find your way home...”

“Would.. would it be okay if I stayed here?” Juno asked, frowning as they started to look around. “Wow, this place is... big. I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s beautiful.”

Logan smiled, feeling his face flush. “Oh? Thank you, I... do you need anything? Are you hungry?”

Juno started to walk closer to Logan, eyes moving around the room. “Can you show me around? Do you live here with your parents?”

As Juno got closer, Logan could tell that they were.. pretty small. Human, and probably around the same age that he was.

“No, I’m pretty alone. I have pets and magic helpers, but...”

Juno nodded, grinning and taking him by the arm. “Could you show me around then? I didn’t get a good look from the outside, but I could tell this place is massive!”

“O-Oh, okay!” Logan, distracted by Juno’s grin, let them drag him around the place. Then he got excited, realizing that he finally had a friend! The first human friend that he had ever had. He needed to show the home he had built to Juno!

And so, Juno began living with Logan. There was plenty of space in the castle, and Logan was just thrilled to have them there.

They celebrated the completion of the castle together, in Logan’s library. They drank pomegranate tea and snacked over some leftover sweets from the castle’s construction. Juno even had some suggestions on things Logan could add to the castle. A slide from the roof into the lake didn’t seem safe, but Logan was sure he could make it work.

They began spending almost all of their time together. Logan was very intrigued by Juno, and asked a lot of questions, but it became clear very quickly that Juno wanted to keep themselves a mystery. Logan didn’t really mind; he wasn’t much of a talker either.

The two of them stayed together for months. They were best friends. And things were perfect.

Late one night, Logan was woken up by one of his magic helpers. They smacked him with their little jelly arms until he shot up in bed. Logan’s head swivelled around, trying to figure out what was wrong.

That’s when he smelled smoke.

Logan stumbled out of bed, trying to wake himself up. He was shaking, and confused. Juno wasn’t in their bed, were they okay? He ran out of the room, led by the gummy that had woken him up.

Logan was led to the source of the smoke, and he could of dropped to the ground sobbing just looking at it. His library. His parents library. It was covered in flames. The bookshelves were melted, and the books were either charred or covered in the melted remains of the room.

Logan held his hands out in front of him, as he began casting spells. He knew small water summoning spells, and one that could put out small fires, but he had not prepared for something like this. It took him a long time before the fire was finally out.

Logan was exhausted, and a little dizzy from breathing in so much smoke. But the only thing on his mind now was Juno. Where were they? Were they okay? He spent the rest of the night searching the castle. But Juno was just.. gone.

They had left the castle, and just never came back. Logan didn’t try to follow them, as he had absolutely no clue where they could have gone.

Logan’s heartbreak only worsened when he began trying to salvage books from the library. That’s when he realized that a chunk of his collection were missing.

The books his parents had written were gone. There was no trace of them. Logan didn’t want to believe that Juno could have taken them, but it was the only logical conclusion.

Logan put off reconstruction of the library in order to build a fence. A magic fence surrounding his castle, to keep others from finding him. He just couldn’t risk that happening again.

Logan also decided that he couldn’t risk going outside of the castle, so he locked up for good. His magic servants could bring him any food from outside that he needed, so there was no need to leave.

In Logan’s eyes, the outside world was not to be trusted. He had everything that he needed right where he was, so it was not worth the risk to ever leave. He knows very little of the outside world that he is meant to rule, and feels that is for the best.

Besides, they’re probably doing fine without them.

And somewhere on the border of the shrinking forest this magic castle is contained in, we see bright lights, smoky fields, and the smile of a man dressed in white.

The End

taglist: @pricklyfish777 @ollyollyoxinfree @actlikeiknow @oknerd3 @sanders-sides-intensifies (at least I think that’s your new URL)

[sweetlyocs]

sunshine

«part four» pairing: sam holland x reader / abusive ex! OC x reader  words: 2k warnings: hospitals, abusive relationship, anxiety attack, blood and bruising a/n: the fourth paarttt! this has taken a little bit, but we are saving all of you from seeing the details, for now... please be cautious if you haven’t read  the other chapters head over to the masterlist in my bio for them, or click here 

You could feel your phone buzzing in your hand, the contact names constantly appearing on your screen were giving you a headache. You knew that they were worried, you knew that they were scared. They needed answers but you weren’t prepared to give them up yet, you could barely register what was going on yourself. Your mind was whirling and it felt like your entire world was imploding on itself. Sighing softly, you looked out the window of Tom and Harrison’s apartment as you pulled up your texts with Sam,

Sam: where r u? ur freaking me out sunshine, u never came back.. yn: I had to leave.. I couldn’t stay u know that. I’m battered and bruised and bleeding bear.. Sam: u need to go to the hospital.. mum’s taking pads home and I’m coming to get u. yn: sam I want to be alone please, just leave me be. Sam: no way in hell. U faced this entire situation on ur own and it almost killed u. im not letting u do this alone, not any more. yn: I’m at Toms..

You stood in the kitchen with the kettle boiling away as you tried to process all of what had happened.. what if Sam had been seriously hurt? What if Tom hadn’t been able to be pulled off Jace? Why didn’t you leave him.. hell you were still wearing your dress. It was a shame that it had been ruined, you hadn’t felt this beautiful in a while.

It took Sam all of twenty minutes to reach you, he more than certainly had broken a few laws driving there but seeing him burst through that door, hair wild and looking like the weight of the world fell off his shoulders was all it took to bring you back to tears.

“I’m sorry..” was all you were able to let out as you fell into his arms.

“Shh..shhh… it’s okay, your okay. I got you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you, I’m sorry you had to go through all of this alone..”

Seeing you like this broke Sam’s heart, he loved you. He loved you more than words could explain. You were always there for him, you always encouraged him to be his own person, make his own mistakes. You picked him up when he fell and would be his number one fan every time he soared.

Pulling back he stared deep into your eyes, smiling he as he gave you a kiss on your temple.

“Let’s get you out of that dress and into some different clothes, I’ve got a pair of your old dance shorts and I brought you one of my sweaters. We need to get you to a hospital okay, I need to know that your okay… physically anyway.”

The drive to the hospital was silent, you could feel Sam glancing at you from time to time. You didn’t know what to think.. you had been stuck in this situation for so long that while you felt free, free from Jace, free from being stuck in a never ending cycle but there was still so much that could go wrong. What if they left you when they found out all the horrible things that had actually happened to you? What if you were broken forever? Damaged goods that no one would ever want? What if the best that you could do was someone like Jace, he was perfect in every way to a lot of people. Sure you had an ever evolving career but what if you were so badly injured in so many ways that you couldn’t keep going…

Pulling up to a park at the hospital was daunting,

“They’re going to ask a lot of questions sunshine”

“I know…”

“They’re probably going to want you to report it too”

“I know Sam..”

“Are you ready?”

“Not in the slightest actually. I think I’m fine with all this superficial pain and bruising, I’ll probably be able to cover it up soon enough with some makeup. It’s worked before…”

Sam let out a deep sigh, he didn’t want you to be this façade anymore. He wanted you to let down your guard, he wanted you to feel safe enough to feel vulnerable around him. Slowly but surely you both got out of the car and began walking towards the entrance, it was beginning to get pretty late and by first glance at the emergency ward, it was actually pretty empty.

“Can I help you at all?” The voice of the triage nurse made you take a steep breathe in, you could feel your hands beginning to shake as you felt the urge to make a beeline towards the exit. You couldn’t do this, who did you think you are? Surely if you walk away, no. Run, run away, you could catch up with Jace.. a bit of grovelling and him getting the initial anger out and you’d be fine. You were insane to think that you could just say that you were done and it would be that.

“Hi, I want my friend to get checked out, her boyfriend, I mean, her ex kinda lost it when she tried to break up with him and I just want to make sure she’s okay..”

Sam’s voice sounded like he was yelling, you turned to face him with the look of complete and utter disbelief on your face. Was he insane! He just outed you to a complete stranger, and he didn’t break a sweat. The nurse softly turned her eyes towards you and briefly looked over the injuries that she could see, as she began typing away on her computer you pinched Sam’s arm, hard. As he whipped his head to you, as the two of you began to have a very silent but thundering screaming match between your eyes and expressions. You questioning him as to what the hell he was thinking and him to you about why the bloody hell you pinched him that hard! You had acrylics for christs sake and it hurt.

The nurse clearing her throat broke you out of your silent argument,

“I’m going to get them to take you straight through, we have private assessment rooms and that’s where a nurse is fully going to assess you okay darling. Now would you prefer a female or male nurse?”

“Female please, only if it isn’t too much hassle”

She sent you a quick and kind smile as she typed a few more things,

“Just head over to that door there and I’ll let you in”

Nodding your head, you and Sam began silently shuffling towards the door, you could hear displeased voices of other patients waiting to be seen, the chatter of nurses and beeping of machines. As the door let out a buzz, unlocking itself you reached out for Sam’s hand. Gripping it tightly you turned your head,

“Don’t you dare leave me, please.”

“Trust me sunshine, I’m not going anywhere.”

 Walking past the stations and patients lying in beds, you could feel yourself growing more and more anxious. It felt like every eye in the room turned to stare you down, at this stage Sam was probably losing all circulation to his hand but you couldn’t bring yourself to give a damn. You were scared, terrified even. What if the nurse didn’t believe you? What if they called the police and they told you that you were making it all up because Jace seemed like the perfect man. The perfect boyfriend. Why did this feel like the biggest mistake of your life…

Sam thanked the nurse as she left you two in the room, shutting the door to block out the rest of the ward, as she left she softly stated that the nurse would be with you soon and that she was off now, but to call out if you needed anything or felt worse for wear. You didn’t see her give Sam a soft motherly pat on his shoulder, or the eye watering smile that she sent in your direction as you lost yourself in your mind. You were too focused on not have a breakdown because of the weight of the situation.

“You need to sit down before you give yourself an anxiety attack or collapse from holding your breathe” Sam walked towards you as he willed his hands to stop shaking, you needed him to be strong. You needed him to be calm and collected so that if you lost your mind you had someone to pick up the pieces and help you put yourself back together. As you sat and waited on the bed, you looked at Sam. Really looked at him.

His body was tense, his eyes were hardened but when he looked at you all you could see was love and warmth. His hands would close in and out of fists and when he would close his eyes he would take deep and sometimes shaky breaths.

“Take a picture it lasts longer” Sam looked you at as the words left his lips and a smirk grew on his face. You let out a laugh and couldn’t stop yourself from smiling as you got a taste of the Sam you know. For the first time since you woke up you felt at complete and utter ease, it felt like you were normal, that you were you again. Just as you were going to reply the door opened,

“Hi yn, I’m Angela, your nurse. How you feeling?” She seemed nice, her voice was soft, but it still threw you. The question brought some uneasiness and weight back into the room. Here you were laughing and smiling when your throat was covered in a red and purple discolouration and your face had dried blood tracking down onto your neck.

“Fine. I’m fine…” You had never heard your voice so weak, it was easy to sense your fear. Sam came and sat on the bed with you, holding your hand as the nurse moved across the floor with all the supplies.

“So, what happened. I need to know exactly what went down for you to get all that bruising and blood, so I know how to treat it. Your safe here, it’s okay”

You held your eyes shut, willing yourself to disappear, praying that it would all just go away. Sam could feel you beginning to shake, your breathing was become uneven and flowing at a rapid pace. You were having a breakdown, you were terrified.

“yn if you don’t tell her she can’t help. She wants to help you sunshine…”

Sam was at a loss, he’d never seen you so terrified, how badly had Jace screwed you over?

“yn, look at me. Look at me honey.” Angela was standing in front of you now, her brow creasing and her movements slow, “you’re okay. I’m not going to hurt you, but I need to know what happened. You could be seriously hurt and you not saying anything could make it worse. I don’t have to know details, but we need to fix you up. This bruising is telling me that you’ve got a lot of swelling okay, and with it being at your throat there needs to be things that I check, things that I need to make sure aren’t damaged or at risk of causing more harm. And those cuts, the ones under all the blood, there’s a lot of bruising there too. I need to know what caused it so I can get an idea of how deep they are, how bad they are. I want you to get better so please, work with me here. I want to make sure that you’re going to be leaving here safe, I know the idea of the police and this being reported is scary for you but you getting better. You healing, that’s what’s important.. do you understand?”

Slowly you began opening your eyes, you were okay. Jace wasn’t here, but Sam was. You were safe with Sam. As you sat back and centred yourself, you realised.. you didn’t need to be afraid anymore, as long as you had someone who loved you, you would be okay.

“Okay” 

if you want to be added to the taglist please send me an ask! taglist: @upsidedownspidey @dottirose @distressedhollandfield @allthedifferentfandoms @malecftw @barnacleb0i @mrslukehemmings00 @jackiehollanderr @babygirl-4986 @yo-sugg

[kyum-a]

Married to the mafia [5]

parts: 1 2 3 4 

group: got7 (feat BTS)

genre: mafia au

warnings: violence, angsty

summary: after an arranged marriage with Im Jaebum the notorious mafia leader he finally introduces you to his members.

As you admired the soft honey glow pouring into your room you were interrupted from your trance as the door flung open. Your heart sank in your chest, you looked up at the intruder to find none other then Im Jaebum. His eyes were cold and he was clearly very angry. He didn’t say a word. The tension was suffocating, you held your breath and waited for something to happen. He began walking towards you, he grabbed your arm and dragged you out of your room.

You knew there was little point in resisting, jaebum was pretty strong and he’d just hurt you more if you tried to escape.

The two of you walked down the corridor and down the marble staircase, he lead You towards a suspicious room at the end of the downstairs hallway. You had never been in there before but you had a bad feeling about it.

He swung open the door and his hand moved from your arm to your back, your heart sank even lower when you saw ten pairs of eyes sitting around a glass table staring at you. Jaebum’s expression had changed automatically, he was now smirking as he subtly pushed you through the room he pulled a chair out and gestured for you to sit, you did so hesitantly, taking a brief glance at the people at the table. Jaebum took a seat at the top of the table next to you.

The people in the room were all men, you did spot a few familiar faces - Yugyeom and Mark - but everyone else was a stranger to you.

“Good morning sir!” They all said in unison, the sudden outburst of noise made you flinch a bit which jaebum noticed and placed his hand on you knee underneath the table. You couldn’t tell if he was trying to reassure you or threaten you, either way you flashed him a small smile before looking back at your hands in your lap.

“Well men, please introduce yourselves to my wife, oldest to youngest.” Jaebum asked. Mark stood up, “Hello again y/n- I mean Mrs Im, I’m Mark and my position is sniper, but jaebum asked me to be your bodyguard when we aren’t on a mission.” Mark was smiling, you smiled back. He sat down and a man you hadn’t seen before stood up, “Hi y/n, yeah it’s me Jinyoung, urm well my job is to basically to sit at a computer all day and detect any threats and to hack into security systems and things like that.” You weren’t quite sure what to say, you knew jinyoung was in the mafia but you never knew he worked for jaebum, “that sounds interesting, nice to see you again,” You said kind of awkwardly. You turned to look at jaebum who was suprisingly staring right back at you, it wasn’t long before his gaze became uncomfortable and you were forced to turn away. A cough came from one of the members which made you switch your attention. He was already stood up, “m-my name is Youngjae, my job here is to just be a doctor and fix these guys up after missions, I was away on your wedding night on a business trip so I wasn’t able to help Mr Im but I heard that you did a good job getting him proper care, thank you for that.” He sounded so sincere and kind your heart practically melted, “thank you for taking care of him before I arrived.” You smiled, you glanced at jaebum briefly. “Oh my turn!” A rather lanky member stood up, “my name is kunip- just call me Bambam, my area is the money aspect of things oh and the drugs-“ jaebum let out a very fake cough and widened his eyes at the young man, “t-that we defiantly don’t do! We would never get involved with drugs never!” He gave a not so subtle wink to jaebum who was looking very annoyed. Yugyeom sprung to his feet, “hi, um my job is to be kind of like an assassin, but don’t worry I’m good at it I only kill the bad guys!” Yugyeom justified, you chuckled.

“Nice to meet you all, my name is y/n,” you announced, you turned to jaebum, “if that’s all I think I’ll be going now, have a nice day everyone.” You got up and left so fast jaebum didn’t have time to pull you back.

You ran upstairs and locked yourself in yours and jaebum’s bedroom. you heard jaebum shouting from downstairs however you just buried your head in your pillow and covered your ears. there was no escape from him, sure you might be married but that dosent change the fact you barely know each other.

being by yourself like this gave you a little time to think.

you thought about your wedding night and how the euphoria of the day was probably the reason why you felt so relaxed around a total stranger, you realised you forced your feelings for him to try and protect yourself in hopes it would make your situation feel a little bit more normal but at the end of the day you couldn't hide from the fact Jaebum intimidated you, he didn't seem to reciprocate any affection. perhaps he only saw you as a businesses deal.

you thoughts were cut off by the door slamming open, this time it wasn't Jaebum, it was Jinyoung. “hey stranger,” he said closing the door and walking towards the bed, “did he send you?” you raised your eyebrow and slowly backed away. he chuckled, you relaxed. “no,no quite the opposite actually. I want you to sneak in on their mission,” he announced taking a seat on your bed. “you want me to do what?!” you were shocked, going against his leader was pretty dangerous and you were shocked that he’d ask you to do something like this. “well, not me. it was more of your sisters idea, she's got some pretty out of the box ideas in that head of hers,” he chuckled, “nowhere near the bloody box” you muttered under your breath, “what was that?” “oh nothing,” “oh okay, well Jiwoo got permission from Jaebum’s father, they both agreed this would somehow help you two bond or something I don't know.” you were confused to say the least, your hopelessly romantic sister sending you on a mission that would possibly end with your tragic death.

you weren't scared of going on a mission, you'd done that quite a few times, you were scared of what would happen when Jaebum found out one of his members, his new wife, his new sister-in-law and his own father had gone behind his back in hopes of him catching some sort of feelings towards his wife.

Jinyoung returned back downstairs to jaebum and the other members as jaebum briefed them for their mission meanwhile, you were in the back of a van heading towards a rival gang headquarters hoping jaebum would arrive before a bullet was put between your eyes.

as the van zoomed into the heart of the enemy you couldn't help but feel excited, you had missed the thrill of the action ever since your marriage had been arranged your mother kept you locked inside so she could spend time with you before you moved out.

The plan was, you would go in make a deal load the van with the crates of weapons and get out. however, Jinyoung had made a discovery whilst hacking into their security, they planned to ignore the deal and take out Jaebum’s gang as they were their biggest threat. this meant you no longer went with the intention of making a deal, now your mission was to take out the leader and bring him back to the Im family warehouse for questioning, with or without Jaebum’s help.

then you got a text. 

from Jaebum.

listen, Im going out. use this time to get over yourself because when I get back you aren't hiding from me anymore your going to start behaving like my wife and that means sticking by my side, not running away every five minuets -Jaebum.

you let out a long breathy sigh. what an arrogant jerk. you shoved your phone back in your pocket after turning it off so it wouldn't hit off any nearby cell towers the enemy can use to track or hack your phone.

the van stopped.

before you knew it you were face to face with one of Jaebum’s biggest rival gang leaders Kim Namjoon. 

“well, well, he really sent his little girlfriend to do his dirty work” he said with a disgusting smirk on his face. his men laughed at stopped when he signalled. 

“well princess, lets make a deal.”

By the time Jaebum and his members pulled up you had already taken out most of Mr Kims men and locked the others in the nearby public toilets, now you were waiting patiently with a gun pressed against Mr Kim’s temple.

“What the fuck happened- y/n?” Jaebums face portrayed a mix of confusion and relief which quickly changed to pure anger. “Y/N! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING, WHY ARE YOU MESSING WITH THE MISSION?!” Jaebum yelled in your face. His hot breath tickled your skin. “Puh-lease, I saved this mission. Just help me get this creep in the van and then I can go back home- or whatever you call that place.” You sighed. Jaebum didn’t move he just called mark and yugyeom to take the man off your hands. Then you caught a glimpse of a familiar face.

“W-whats Mr Wang doing with you?” You whispered. “What do you mean he’s - oh right yeah, that was just a little test I put together. Jackson’s just a member of my gang.” Jaebum said. You sighed, another test.

“Okay men get into the van.” Jaebum ordered. Everyone followed his command but he pulled you back.

“We need to talk about your behaviour when we get home and I won’t take no for an answer.” He whispered into your ear every word twisting your insides. You stepped into the van and out of the cold bitter night.

You stayed silent the whole journey, the piercing glare of Im Jaebum kept you too intimidated to speak.

“We’re here.”