#and i even provide a tag for people to block its literally so safe and normal to post thoughts on tumblr dot com i can do that

[sage3m5]

As people who follow all of my blogs may have noticed: my New Years Resolution is "talk more". Which includes making every stupid text post that comes to mind.

[whatsyaname]

Hi.

I can't reveal who i am but i used to be a ex moot of tee (@/saetoru) and i don’t care if this seems cowardly to make a page just to call her out. after seeing lots of people share their experiences with tee i’d like to also add and show some of the stuff she’s done to remind people she’s not as angelic as she makes herself out to be.

me and tee weren’t close as she was with her little clique (they know who they are) and other people but the main reason we aren’t moots anymore is because i broke the mutual. after seeing a callout post about her way back in oct. 2023 with other people’s stories in the thread of reblogs / link (i’m sure you guys saw)

i simply didn’t wanna be associated with someone like that. i was just confused why tee was acting like it wasn’t her fault. she said she doesn’t have to provide proof because she doesn’t owe anyone anything when that doesn’t make sense. because if you’re gonna accuse someone, always provide proof otherwise it’s safe to assume you’re lying.

this was Tee’s response back in october to her being called out by one of her old moots also, she deleted this a few days before she returned to make it seem like nothing happened but oh it did. i’m putting this here for people to see again (if you already haven’t) because just look at this.

this is what a narcissistic manipulator sounds like!

the biggest thing that made me scratch my head was for her to immediately bring up past drama to redirect the situation and make herself seem like the good person, and address the other party as a “white girl who blackfishes,” and she tried taking the attention off her to bring up palestine.

are you serious? if she so called “blackfished” why were you supporting/defending her in the first place? shouldn’t you be in the wrong too? the party she was talking about didn’t even blackfish, from what i can recall it was a simple tan so again, this was Tee reaching and blowing things way out of proportion.

she keeps mentioning some random bnha blog but never gives the @ so she’s probably lying. how are you gonna accuse someone of plagiarism then your only evidence is “oh me and my moots saw the whole thing, so you know i’m not lying.” girl bffr. and for her to even say something as childish and stupid as “she’s stolen ppl’s skin tones and she’s stolen their ideas. not much to left to take besides your identity at that!”

you and i both read that right? this is a supposed 20+ year old, saying something as kiddish as that. she even exposed the persons @ in the tags and why did she do that? so she can make her thousands of followers / anons spam their inbox with threats, derogatory names, and literally anything else. and she has the nerve to say she’s not enabling that kind of behavior with her audience. she’s abusing her following and it’s showing.

and for her to sit there and say it’s not her fault for being in her own space and name dropping people without actually name dropping them is just absurd. subposting is the lowest of the low. If you’re gonna talk shit at least put the url while you’re at it. people can tell who you’re talking about even if you’re being discrete.

She has a private blog called @/clorindes where she uses it to "vent" and bash writers and laugh it off with her moots and even followers.

i know of this particular blog because like many others, if you followed tee that blog (her private) would appear in ‘blogs like…’ or ‘recommended to follow.’ after tee got called out, she privated it but it’s still up.

(i recommend blocking that blog) because i’m sure she’ll activate it again once things settle. i hope that’s not the case because how many drama, discourse posts, call outs does it take for her to fully leave this platform? this is chronically online mentality at its finest.

it’s been an ongoing rumor that tee has this tumblr 'burn book' to blacklist writers on this platform and it’s proven to be true. some of tees even own mutuals are in there, and its just embarrassing. you have to constantly remind yourself this is a 20+ y/o person acting like this, out of all platforms, tumblr…

i remember a while back tee drove off a few blogs just for having the same theme concepts as her. (is that even a thing?) like tee used to have instagram themes i think, yet when she found other blogs having the same, she’d send her thousands of anons to harass that person, and be so butthurt over a theme.

not gonna lie, her themes are generically basic and doesn’t even look like it takes much effort. so what is there to copy. i’m not saying copying themes are good and okay, but she takes things too far. i can see if it’s writing, but a theme or a layout? i just find it so mind boggling people stick by her side and support her still.

from her old blog she’d always say sneaky comments like these and laugh it up with her mutuals in the comments. it’s really…something, because why do you care what those writers do? she reeks of jealousy and envy, literally look at her tone.

“we all know yall just want the notes and numbers.” um, yeah? everyone wants recognition on their work, it feels good to know your works being appreciated. and her jab at shading writers who write half paragraphs was so unnecessary. because again, why do you care? how are those writers hyping each other up seen as ‘shady’ or ‘fishy’ behavior? just say you’re jealous and go.

she acts like she doesn’t do the exact same thing with her cult of friends on tumblr, spamming the tags with wtv.

miss tee, flat out you’re a nobody.

you have no right to judge how someone write. who cares if you have 30k+ followers on this old ass site. congrats ….i guess? in the real world, you’re just a miserable person who likes torturing people online.

she has this thing of coming after upcoming big blogs, if i’m not mistaken, the most recent one was a known jjk writer, kazu _____ another was a popular multi account munson____, and there were multiple others i’m sure. her following count boosts her ego a lot, that i can see. and she thinks it’s okay to say whatever and not get held accountable. well now she is.

notice how she came back to tumblr after a two month hiatus, turned anons on then back off. and shes been inactive for a few days. she’s running away from the drama because she knows exactly it’s no one’s fault but hers.

if you look through the long thread i linked earlier, actually read through the reblogs. if multiple various ppl are coming out to share their experiences (with receipts) chances are you should be able to tell who’s lying! she needs to be stopped and ran off the app, not those blogs who didn’t do anything. tee’s been involved with drama for a long time like i said before, way back in her tokyo rev/hq era in her @/hanmas era. so about three to four years ago.

it’s been said tee and her mutuals send anons to harass other writers and i wouldn’t be surprised if that’s true.

again, it’s a shame you have to remind yourself this is a grown woman in her twenties acting like this on tumblr. it’s sickening and she needs to grow up, and get the hell off this platform before she drives anyone else off.

thats all! thank you for reading

[shartingan]

apologies if this is kinda out of left field but what is your current opinion on ao3? me personally i do like to read and write fic on it due to the tagging system and other aspects but the amount of whack shit makes me uncomfortable and I do wish you could report harmful content easily (I think you can now but it's a bit of a process)

sorry this took so long to answer! i had to finish graduating college 😔 i tend not to think about ao3 too much or too in depth, and i don't really get involved in the discourse on this site about it. please take everything i say with a grain of salt because im uninformed and not really looking to involve myself more in this discourse! but i will gladly answer this ask with the information i do have because i think youre starting an interesting conversation and i like to talk ( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧! feel free to hmu i dms, anon.

under read more because i started to ramble a bit. tldr please stop donating to ao3 and donate to one of these vetted palestinian fundraisers instead, especially for eid

personally i agree with all that youve said about ao3 in your ask already. i wont get on a soapbox and moralize about fanfiction and stuff like that because, again, i really dont care, but also i think it is really neat to have these spaces where people can safely interact with IPs in a transformative way and share their works with others without the threat of legal action. that's not ao3s doing, but it does provide a hub for people to publish without ever running into the treat of legal action. and, like you said, the tagging system makes it really easy to sort through fics and find what you like vs. dislike.

my main problems with ao3 come from its mismanagement, and the fact that it really has no competitors. ive been on ao3 since 2015, and i think the only significant change i can remember in the 9 years ive used it was the fact that they added the ability to filter out tags along with filtering in some. that's literally it. there could definitely have been some significant behind the scenes additions im unaware of, but from a users point of view, there has only been 1 update in 9 years that has majorly impacted the way i use the site. that seems like extreme mismanagement to me, especially since ao3 manages to meet and then significantly past all of their donation goals that they run pretty frequently. it seems like ao3 is making a lot of money which isn't being put into improving the site in any significant way. ao3 has been a site since 2008, its making a lot of money, and has a huge base of donors and volunteers, but it's still in beta? that seems like major mismanagement to me. again, this is just me speaking as a layperson not involved in the site itself.

also, it's pretty much become the only site that you can read fanfic on. there are sparse communities on tumblr, ff.net, and wattpad, but they're definitely a lot smaller and spread out. ao3 is the biggest and most centralized place for posting and reading fanfiction on the internet, meaning it virtually has no competition, and there's no alternatives that offer the same scale or quality. despite all that, it has almost no internal user moderation, and ao3 has actively been resistant to implementing those kinds of changes. that has resulted primarily in users of color getting targeted and attacked by racists. harassment is easy on ao3, and people can easily abuse the tagging system to do whatever they like. there's not even a perma-block tag feature, which is the first thing i would've implemented with the filter out feature. like you said, anon, if they're even implementing these changes, they're implementing them slowly, and behind a convoluted multi-step process. there's still little to no internal moderation or blocking system, which is just incredibly irresponsible.

ao3 almost has a monopoly on fanfiction on the internet, which means that it can kind of just do whatever, and no matter the gripes it knows people will keep coming back if they want fanfic because there's no alternative. and people keep chucking money at it because, again, its a hub for people to post and read fanfic without ever running into the threat of legal action because the website provides a safe, transformative works shield for authors. it's just insane how mismanaged the site is, but people keep giving it money despite that, so there's no real incentive for OTW to change anything or put in any effort. HOW IS IT STILL IN BETA. ITS BEEN 16 YEARS AND THEY'VE MADE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. MINECRAFT CLASSIC WAS LAUNCHED IN 2009 AND THEY MOVED THROUGH BETA TO ALPHA TO A FULL LAUNCH AND THEN HUNDREDS OF UPDATES IN THE SAME TIME FRAME AND WITH A SMALLER TEAM AND FUNDS, INITIALLY😭😭😭 that's just insane to me, there's definitely something weird behind the scenes, how can they be this bad at site management, it's gotta be deliberate or something.

anyway, please stop donating to ao3 and donate to one of these vetted palestinian fundraisers instead, especially for eid

[1eoness]

IF ANYONE EVER SENDS DEATH THREATS TO YOU CUS U WRITE SMUT AS A MINOR PLEASE DONT EVER EVER LET THEM GET TO YOU ‼️‼️ theyre just a bunch of adult babies who whine over insignificant stuff abt minors writing smut smh smh cant even mind their own businesses, either enjoy and reblog the work or just block 💀

OH AND BTW I LOVE LOVE LOVEEEE THE WAY YOU WRITE SMT HIHIHI the way you write leon is to die for AND THE WHIMPERS???? good lawd i am busting a nut every goddamn time 🫶🤭

HII i was literally eating lunch at my campus and i saw ths so maybe i should address it?

OH AND THANK YOU SO MUCH IM GLAD U ENJOYED IT

i havent gotten any death threats (thankfully), and even if they did i dont rlly.. uhm care LMAO

from my personal belief, i, of course, think that its not right to create nsfw spaces online without any heads up or warnings—thats why there are tags and dni stuff n shit, to provide a barrier (ofc im not trying to defend anything unethical like pedxph1lic content or sexualized gore); that's also why i specifically clarify that i am 17 in any nsfw shit i write—so ppl know whether they can be comfortable 'consuming' my content.

when people older than me(or pr much anyone for that matter) praise, heart or reblog my content it doesnt mean that i, a minor, am being sexualized by them indirectly or directly. it would be different if i myself was the subject being written or filmed erotica of. we are all anonymous citizens of social media, but i make sure ppl understand that i am not comfortable being reached out to for anything outside of tumblr n/sfw leon kennedy content or anyth to the likes of it.

i am 17 going onto 18 and naturally (but ofc depending on diff variables) ppl my age are curious and thats fine as long as we play it safe (thats why things like sex educ exists, which btw isnt always available due to the stigma that sex ed apparently 'jeopardizes the young'.). eventually we need to be presented with the concept of sexuality for our own safety, bit by bit as we enter adulthood. me writing erotica is just a safe way of expression (because lets be real, as much as we wish we couldnt, its our hormones)

i dont think any of my content is harm as long as i establish that my content is not meant to be consumed by them (them being ppl who are under 17 and anyone over 17 uncomfortable w interacting w my stuff or account)

[oddlyhale]

As much as I begin to see the horrors of RWBY fndm and how crazed BB fans can be, there'll probably be no comparison to the psychotics I had to deal with in the HH fndm.

While I can totally find myself being tolerant with all RWBY ships, there's something territorial when it comes to HH ships. It's a different beast on its own, especially with the popular artists that can and will control their fanbase.

Boy do I have a tale of 2020 that had me deal with the mental gymnastics these wild shippers put me through. The sheer hypocrisy, the fear fans had of standing up to them, the collective harassment.

In a synopsis, before we start:

Hi, my name is Hale.

Alfa and Alex are probably the most psychotic people I’ve ever met when it comes to my online daily life. I used to think my ex-friends were the bane of my existence, but Alfa and Alex started making me think just how angelic my exes were in comparison.

So let’s begin.

When I first met the Double AAs, it was Alex first (awhile back in late-June 2020 during Vaggie Week) but it was indirect. I was on my Instagram when I was tagged by a random user in something Alex had drawn. This was when I first saw the kill art of Vaggie. I was so upset that I had yelled at this random user for tagging me, as well as showing it via screencap on my twitter, as a warning to never do this to me to my followers. Keep in mind, I had censored Alex’s name from the screencap, not the random user.

However, Alex saw this somehow and became hysterical, thinking I was targeting him for what he drew. This caused an uproar of his fans to come attack me, and it did cause me to become scared and get away from my account. Alfa decided to insert herself into the mix, but I didn’t care enough for her to say anything. It was mostly Alex and how much he was “scared” and cried about the “fandom being so hateful and scary.” He went private for a while I believe, but Alfa was still going hard at me and sending more of her fans to come harass me.

If Alex ever says he is a strong and brave man, don’t believe him. He fears the HH fandom.

Anyhow, after Alfa’s fans had done their best to gaslight me, I didn’t give in. In fact, I made amends with the random user that tagged me. Somehow they assumed I would like the art of Vaggie being killed, which was childish to even believe in. Nonetheless, I forgave them, and we moved on from there.

But even when we both resolved this together, Alfa and Alex decided that it would be fun to make this “kill Vaggie art” a meme, or trend. With their huge followings combined, they were able to get their artist fans to join in and start creating so much hate art of Vaggie. Many of them drew her head being cut off, mutilated, raped and cheated on.

Alfa and Alex adore gaslighting the hell out of people. While they draw such hideous things, they will go ahead and say, “but it’s just fiction, it’s not real,” and call you psychotic for even caring so much about their bad behaviour. I can only imagine what Alfa’s husband goes through everyday since Alfa loves to make people second-guess themselves often.

Keep in mind, Alfa and Alex are the same people who will cry and shake when their fictional ship is invalidated and written out. They often wish nothing good for Viv and her team that are providing these ungrateful children with the show and content they so badly want. It shows you just how privileged they had grown up as children, doesn’t it?

This wasn’t fun, it was horrible. I didn’t realize just how many toxic people existed in the HH fandom until this “trend” began to spread.

But the funny thing that I'll never forget is how apeshit Alfa went when I had the audacity to draw Alastor plus sized. She accused me of being a pedophile, supporting MAPs. Even though she leans towards being pro-ship (likes incest, OK with lolicon, will condone drawing necophilia.) But me? Having the sheer audacity of drawing Alastor fat? It burned her so bad.

As well, this was being pushed on the VAs during a small livestream. The chat wouldn’t stop asking, “what do you think of the Vaggie kill art going around?” Of course the VAs ignored these questions, but it was really rude to even ask these things. Especially when Vaggie’s VA was in the same livestream.

But then this trend was proven to be a lie, by Alex’s own words. He dropped the ball in a one-off conversation with an anti that “he only created this to get back at the Chaggie shippers.” So retroactively, this trend was worthless.

What also began to start becoming obvious was that Alfa was too afraid to do anything on her own, and thus, she will recruit some darlings to defend her. Alfa seems to have more defenders than she has any confidence to defend herself, and when she has no choice but to stand up for herself, she will buckle and hide. She is weak, is what I had learnt.

I decided to just ignore Alex and Alfa as much as I could. With a friend though, I was given updates of what was happening on the Double AAs’ side in the meantime, and it’s amazing to see just how vile they can be with their own fans and haters. Especially with their new puppy named Salty. (I think that’s their name, another weak ass bitch.)

As months went by, the major event that stirred from the AA camp was when they were harassing Pastel Sky. This would be where the big reveal of just how horrible the AAs and their friends truly are, when they have nobody to harass except for kids. HH has a wide audience of children involved in this fandom, hence why many other artists keep saying we should try to be good examples for them, and keep them safe. But not for the AAs.

Pastel was ruthlessly attacked by them and it was all unwarranted. What they were angry about was that Pastel had the nerve to have negative opinions when it came to AAs, and they broke their own rule of “don’t like then block.” Even Galactic Potatoes (Spuds) would go out of their way, again, to gaslight Pastel into believing that what attacks she received on Twitter was allowed, because Pastel was asking for it. Spuds is well-known to gaslight, a thing they had learnt from the AAs quite often.

Pastel was a minor at the time, and it really doesn’t matter if Pastel was just 17. I don’t care if Pastel was only 17 and that “well she’s almost 18,” because regardless of age, harassment is not the answer. Follow by that, fighting with minors is actually fucking stupid and braindead. Spuds tried very hard to justify why attacks were OK, and that Pastel “should learn” how to grow up. I then learnt that Spuds went into hiding afterwards.

That was until the Double AAs’ discord chats were exposed, showing that they were practically mouth-watering at Pastel’s pain, romanticizing her apparent abuse and trying to convince each other how her punishment on Twitter was correct. Even one (I believe was Jay because he loves me and wants me back) wished that I would die. This would be the third time he asked me to die indirectly, which justifies my points on how toxic and abusive they are.

This entire event seemed to have unraveled a new wave of truths, and it’s sad to know it had to take a literal minor to have their masks fall off.

In 2021, Alex was exposed to be a thief. Stealing commission money for “stress pills.” If Alex is on a path of drug addiction, I hope it’s not the case. That’s a terrible place to be, and hopefully he’ll be clean and grow up for once. I still don’t care enough about Alfa, after now knowing all she is, is just a dramatic housewife with nothing better to do in her life. Perhaps if they just got jobs instead of stealing money from fans, they’d be leading well-productive lives.

From what I understand, many of the toxic fans of the Double AAs have either dropped HH fandom, or have deleted their accounts. Good, I hope they stay gone. The fandom deserves better, not trash.

Needless to say, the best advice I can give to those in the HH fandom that come facing the Double AAs is to not be afraid of them.

Over time, once you get used to their behaviour, you come to realize that this is their default. They’re not likable, they’re not nice, and they aren’t appreciative of one singular thing you do for them (hence Alex stealing from his own fans.)

It’s their M.O., they are just that cruel. So don’t fear them, but challenge their behaviour. Don’t stoop to their level of wanting to draw hateful art, though, that will fuel them. Talking down to them like their idiots always works like a charm.

Anyways, thanks for reading.

If anybody from the Double AAs’ camp ever finds this and reads it, I just wanna say that you are doing a great job, sweety. Thanks for proving me right by the new year. I appreciate the honesty for once. It only took you a year, just think of what other things you’ll do in the next year.

[fictionkinfessions]

https://fictionkinfessions.tumblr.com/post/648715436564856832/im-gonna-say-it-i-hate-kinnies-with-typing

so in response to this

i understand the sentiment but:

-you can block the typing quirk/quirk text tags

-if someone doesnt tag for it you can ask them to

-you dont have to read it if you think its stupid kek

-especially for homestuck fictives (and i wont speak on anyone elses behalf since this is what i and our host have experience with) typing "normally" can be mentally and emotionally draining, and as much as we want to be inclusive to those with trouble reading typing quirks, sometimes we cant bring ourselves to dequirk. i know this is about kinnies but for a long time before we realized we were a system we chalked introjects up to kinshifts so im putting it here

-most people can either offer a dequirked version or have a friend dequirk text for them. hell my headmate even made a goddamn lingojam page so people could read their text more easily without needing a third party involved

-you can tell them not to interact if its that big an issue

sincerely, a fictive of mituna, who has the most insufferable quirk in homestuck

Anonymous said: @ “i hate kinnies with typing quirks”: please understand that while it’s valid to be angry people don’t make the things they write accessible, it’s absolutely a neurodivergent thing to have to type a certain way. we are a system and have people who can only type a certain way, so are we ableist for having that neurodivergence? people should plaintext convert typing quirks to provide a plain translation for those who need it, yes, but please don’t punch across at other neurodivergent people with competing access needs.

Anonymous said:

https://fictionkinfessions.tumblr.com/post/648715436564856832/im-gonna-say-it-i-hate-kinnies-with-typing

Literally most kins with typing quirks provide translations on here and when they don't, MPC does. I understand dyslexia and all but you don't have to talk to people with typing quirks?? If anything it's ableist of you to bash on something that's honestly a neurodivergent trait and makes people feel safe and comfortable. Which is the equivalent of bashing a coping mechanism, for those who use typing quirks as a coping mechanism. Lay off them.

[rpbetter]

Hey there, check out this pinned post first!

Thanks for visiting Roleplay Better, where I believe that you can fucking do better! That kind of language, however, is why it is important for you to read this post before proceeding.

This blog and its posts are meant for an adult RPing audience; be over legal, adult age in the USA, 18+. Do not interact by submitting, asking, reblogging, commenting, or liking unless you are over eighteen years of age. By interacting with RPB or me, Vespertine, you are assumed to be following this rule. If you are breaking this rule, you will be blocked.

I have that rule because this blog can/will/does address topics inappropriate for a younger audience. Those can include, but are not limited to:

not safe for work - violence, injury, sexual language, smut, substance use

“dark topics” and themes like violence, unhealthy relationships, mental illness, trauma, graphic injury, dubious consent, substance use, and so forth addressed realistically

foul, sexual, and otherwise “Adult” language

 unpopular opinions and approaches about writing, RP, fandoms

“negativity” since literally anything can be, and my whole point here isn’t about holding back; it is likely that, at some point, in some post or another, a shoe will fit you-you need to be mature enough to handle that without taking it as a personal attack on you

images and links that may contain things inappropriate for a younger audience

this blog is founded upon the idea that fiction has reflections in reality, but that fiction does not utterly equate to reality. You should write with realism, your characters should be people in their own right, and you should absolutely be addressing many popular topics responsibly, which is to say realistically. I do not support or otherwise condone purity culture, so while realism is a big deal here, fiction = reality arguments are a no

seriously, you have no idea how fucking salty I am! I try to be fair, reasonable, and mellow with everyone, but it can and does come out.

This blog tags for common, major triggers, but it is not for those easily triggered or particularly sensitive. By proceeding, you take responsibility for yourself...like a mature adult. I expect you to utilize blacklist, unfollow, and block. Tag format is simple, it is literally just the word in most cases, with “cw” and “tw” added to particularly common things. Example, a post containing a breakdown of forms of dubcon will be tagged #dubcon #dubious consent. If that was specifically of a sexual nature, since tumblr is unfriendly to using Not Safe For Work now, I will be using #notsafe for sexual topics. In the event that this needs to change, it will be posted about, the previous tag left intact, so that you may update your blacklist.

You are always welcome to send me an ask or private message requesting a particular trigger be tagged for you. I try to check blogs I see following, especially if I follow back, so that I can tag what you require. However, I’m a person, I’m an ND, ill, busy person though, I do make mistakes!

If you find yourself desirous of telling me to tag in a hateful way, don’t. You will not be responded to with an apology and kindness. Do not be rude, it’s uncalled for when informing someone of a problem or making a request.

I will run the blog largely on a queue, and will not be following many people back. This is not personal! I just like to try to provide content at many different times, have a life elsewhere, and I am so happy that you love your fandom, but it might not be something I’ve enough interest in to have on my dash.

Don’t tumblr message me. Use the inbox or submit.

Due to recent events, I am changing this rule. It’s hard for me to receive messages unexpectedly, and I hate to imply that I’ll be able to get to these quicker because it isn’t the truth. Quicker, better responses come from the inbox. However, there have been too many incidents lately in which people needed to speak privately and had to make that a request. If you’re having a problem and need to vent, request sensitive advice, etc.? It’s alright, go ahead and drop me a PM, y’all. I’ll get back to you as soon as I am able. Please, do not be angry with me if I respond to inbox things or my queue is running! You’re important to me, I just might not have the requisite social cognition and energy you deserve at that time.

Aggressive inbox messages will be responded to in kind. I don’t care if you are on anon or not, if you haven’t an ounce of polite communication skills, I won’t have them either. This is not a “we don’t publish anon hate” blog.

I highly encourage asks and submissions on any and all RP topics, and it’s perfectly alright to be salty as fuck in them, you can totally vent here, but don’t take out your frustration on me or be demanding of me. I am always happy to help with information, advice, or just a response to your venting-it’s important to know someone is listening. However, it may take me a few days to a week to get to you, be patient. 

If you are going to vent, leave out usernames. This isn’t a callout or burnbook blog. It’s fine to state characters and fandoms, but if this becomes a problem, it’ll have to change. I don’t want this becoming a salt blog for one or two fandoms I very likely can’t even stand. Practice the fine art of alluding to things, its good experience for your writing! Besides, RPC problems are RPC problems, I promise. It might feel like it’s just your fandom, but there is something relatable in all corners.

I will not overly police comments. Keep the slurs and shit out of it, though. If there is an issue going on pertaining to a serious instance of hate speech, or behavior I, personally, deem as too inappropriate and/or immature to be taking place on my post, I will step in. Otherwise, I expect everyone to be adults in the comments and reblogs too. If you want to argue with each other, that’s your business. If you want to argue with me, I’m not sorry in advance.

Addition to the above: this is not a blog in which it will be tolerated that commentators or those submitting with the URLS are targeted for callouts, shaming, or other instances of bullying. No, I cannot make those people stop bothering you by blocking them, but the least I can do is address that by shutting down their access to this blog and it’s posts by blocking on the URLs I have for them. And I will. Fuck that “we can’t be responsible for” shit. It’s my blog, it’s my content I’m putting out there, I’m not going to just ignore shit like what went down over on COAR, thanks. Not. Cool.

This is definitely not a place for:

people who think giving muses labels, including top/bottom “dynamics,” is a good substitute for character traits, personality, and development

those with no reading comprehension skills

folks dependent upon aesthetics and aesthetics-based purple prose as filler for actual writing

anti-original character/just wants to fuck a FC or canon character club, get the fuck out immediately

y’all who see writing as an obstacle to getting down to action, be that smut, drama, or fight scenes...it’s literally a writing hobby

politics, any manner of phobe or ism, violent/non-inclusive feminists, purity/rpc/fandom/content police of any manner, and exactly any manner of racism, sexism, or religious intolerance - I give not a shit if it’s popular to hate the straights, for example, I neither believe in nor tolerate reactionary classifying of any group as blanket-statement evil

people who are going to tack onto my posts shit like, “it’s okay, OP, you can say x character.” Trust me, if I were talking about one character, I fucking would name drop them, don’t bring me into your fandom drama, I doubt I know or want to know who that anime guy is who looks like 12 other anime guys to me.

About Vespertine

You can call me that, Vespertine. I’d rather you didn’t go with Vesper, but as it is unfortunately so likely to happen, I won’t feed you to the dogs over it either. RPB Mun is also acceptable.

I’m alright with either she/her or he/him, they/them is also fine. Apparently, that was big enough clue-in for the poor reading comp crowd, so while I feel it is not of importance, I’m nonbinary, yes.

Late 30′s, chronically ill but still working adult with neurodivergence. I’m both busy and Busy, and always sick. This limits my brain power and ability to be here. I have an active RP blog that I won’t be sharing to keep responsible distance. That is always going to be my priority, it is my primary hobby.

Please, don’t tumblr message me totally random things if we don’t have that kind of relationship! I’m too ill and busy, and it really fucks my nerves to have a bunch of messages/have to suddenly interact socially with people. Don’t do it. Use my inbox, use the submit, comment on posts. I cannot do random messages of “hey” and so forth.

I only do written RP, don’t expect me to understand much of anything from tabletop. I’ve RPed for the last 23 years consistently, on every platform from AOL chats to forums to messengers and here. I also don’t do RP in discord, so I’m sorry, but I can’t advise you much on anything with a word count, except to stop it for serious RP. Other than that, I promise you that I’ve seen the trends, the drama, the fandoms. I can give a lot of advice and perspective on a wide range of topics, situations, and characters! When I don’t have a clue at all, I’ll try to do enough research to give you an answer.

Do I come off as a horrible, strict asshole? I do! I’m not going to say that I am just a shy bean who is more scared of you than you are me. I’m not. I’m honestly feral, but have common decency, compassion, and sense. All of which are lacking in the general RPC. So, if you can inbox/common/otherwise interact with anyone else on this site, you can totally handle me!

Honesty and openness are policies.

And in the spirit of that, I repeat; you can fucking do better, tumblr RPC!

[ieatmypizzawithaforkandknife]

MAG 016 - Arachnophobia

Summary: Jonathan reads the statement of Carlos Vittery, regarding “his arachnophobia and its manifestations.”

Carlos: “I. Hate. Spiders.” Me: “Cheers, I’ll drink to that bro, guess this is gonna be one of those episodes, huh.” Lo and behold, halfway through listening to this I had a mini heart attack when I thought I saw a spider in the corner of my room closest to my desk. (Spoiler alert: It was a piece of dust. I live for the scares, but I think that, like Icarus, I fly too close to the sun sometimes.)

Anyway, from here on I’ll be formatting the titles of these posts closer to how they’re written on the podcast and, from what little I’ve seen, what’s recognized by the fandom. I still feel like an outsider, being so late to things, but at least my posts won’t look as weird now.

So obviously this episode was about spiders. Well, one spider in particular - and I’ll come back to that. But first I’d like to point out that spiders have come up twice before at this point. The first (and more notable) is in episode 8, when hundreds of spiders burst out of the rotten apple that was inside the box at the base of the uprooted tree at the house on Hill Top Rd. The second was only a mention, and it was in episode 9 (the serial killer episode) when the narrator said, of the shed in her back yard, “As far as I was concerned, the sturdy wooden structure was just the home of spiders’ nests and the rusted garden tools my parents would use once a year to attack the overgrown wilderness that was our back garden.” I almost didn’t include this second one, since it’s so fleeting and seemingly innocuous, but it could indicate some kind of connection between the spiders and the creepy ritualistic murder that was being committed in that shed, which is...disturbing, to say the least.

I find it interesting that the first appearance of spiders had them coming out of a rotten apple though. In this episode, Carlos tries giving Major Tom (the cat) food, but he just sniffs at it and walks away, which Carlos points out is unusual (and any cat owner knows is unusual). At the very end, Jonathan tells us that the coroner’s report said that Carlos had “foreign organic material” blocking his throat (though we don’t have confirmation of what the “material” was) and that “his body was completely encased in web.” But spiders typically wrap their prey in silk prior to eating them. Are all of these things related to that recurring theme of bad/rotten food? I’m not sure yet.

As a sometimes-writer, I appreciated the subtle but definite escalation in the threat of the spider. First, it’s on his kitchen wall - unfortunate, since that’s the room where you go to get food, but fairly avoidable. Carlos shuts Major Tom in there for 2 hours and is none the worse for it. The second time, it’s on his TV screen. Its body was physically between him and something he was going to use, and if he wanted to watch TV he was going to be seeing that spider the whole time. And then finally it’s on the ceiling above the head of his bed. A person’s bed should be a safe and comforting place, a place where you can go to rest and rejuvenate - and this marks the end of the last remaining “safe space” for Carlos, as this thing threatens to descend on him as he sleeps. Excellent writing as always.

Building off of the idea of an escalation in the threat is the idea that there’s some kind of malicious intent in this spider’s presence. “I hate spiders, as I have said,” Carlos says at one point, “but I would have sworn that this one hated me back.” He describes it several times as staring at him, and one time describes its “mandibles twitching with anticipation”. Spiders shouldn’t be malicious, no matter how much a person might fear them or not like them. But this one is. Just like caves shouldn’t be malicious either (episode 15). The world of TMA is a scary place and I’m just glad I don’t live there lol.

Especially scary is the idea that this was all caused by an accident Carlos had when he was a child. He says that he tripped and fell into that spider and its egg sac when he was 6 - and nearly 25 years later it’s coming back to bite him in the ass. But I wonder - was there always something supernatural going on with that spider, even when he was a kid? The story he tells doesn’t have any obvious supernatural elements that I can see, and the “ghost spider” (as Jonathan calls it at the end) only appears after the Jane Prentiss worms. My first instinct would be to say that there’s nothing supernatural at all about the spider itself, and that the spider was somehow...activated, I guess?...by Jane’s presence. But I know spiders are important in the series, so right now the whole thing is a big question mark for me. Which came first, the spider or the worms?

This post is part of a series where I write my thoughts about each episode and obsessively connect dots in an effort to figure out The Big Mysteries of the series. All posts in this series are tagged “is this liveblogging?” Comments and messages are welcome but I have only listened to season 1, so I ask that you not spoil me for anything beyond episode 40. In the words of Jonny Sims…thanks for listening!

(Spoilers for the remainder of season 1 under the cut.)

So I’d like to take a moment to share with you a story about just how much of an Absolute Dumbass I am. Here we go.

I’ve been keeping an ear out for familiar names (of people and of places), so when Carlos mentions his apartment is on Boothby Rd, I did a quick mental check and, nope, don’t believe I’ve ever heard that name before. But wait, it’s in Archway? At that point I hit pause. I thought to myself, I know I’ve heard that somewhere before... Cue me looking back and seeing that’s where Harriett Lee lived in episode 6 (specifically, on Elthorne Rd), and the last known location of Jane Prentiss! Hmm...well, just how big is Archway, anyway? Are those two streets even close to each other? So I pull out a map - and would you look at that, the two roads intersect! I do a little happy dance from putting that together. Unpause. Carlos’ next words were “While nearby Elthorne Road was full of houses and gardens-”. OK, a little disappointing since they “gave” the connection away right there...but it would still take a really good memory (or in my case, really good notes) to remember Elthorne Rd being mentioned in passing 10 episodes ago, right? I no longer feel great, but I still feel pretty good about making the connection. Some 30 seconds later: “Our building had acquired something of an infestation of some sort of insect I didn’t recognize - small, silvery worms, almost like maggots, but slightly longer, and I assume that they provided a good meal for the eight-legged little monsters.” Friends...I cannot describe to you the deep, deep disappointment I felt in myself at this point. Not only had I paused the podcast and done actual research when the answers were literally in the next minute of the podcast, but I had completely forgotten the worms made an appearance at all in this episode. SMH.

[changlingrogue]

Okay, a head's up, this got rambly and it will definitely have spoilers for Campaign 2 Episode 128, 127 and to be on the safe side 126. I'll tag it as "cr spoilers" and put it under a cut though.

Okay, so, starting from the jump the episode is a little anxiety inducing as it picks up directly where last week's left off with Caleb, Jester and Veth confronted by Trent down in the basement. Trent only appears to want to talk (being the mofo he is, his words are just as dangerous as his magic), but Caleb isn't having any of that and starts things off with casting Wall of Fire (I think?) to separate them from Trent. Trent dispels it and still seems interested in talking until Caleb casts a Firebolt at him. Veth follows up with her attack which does work and then Jester tries another Word of Recall which Trent tries to Counterspell with a horrifying nat 20, but it gets cancelled out by Caleb's nat 20 and the three of them escape to Nicodranas, outside on the Brenatto family's balcony. A couple of takeaways from this encounter:

Was trying to fight Trent the best idea, no. But like I can't say I blame Caleb. Liam made it very clear that Caleb was terrified. He was going off of raw emotions and being confronted by the man that ruined his life in a place that held a lot of emotional trauma for him... can't say most people would be able to keep a cool head.

It does still make me wonder how things would have went if Trent had been able to talk. Would they have been able to leave without things ending up like they ultimately did or was it just a way for Trent to keep control of the situation? Maybe a bit of both? Trent certainly risks losing more now that he has to come up with some sort of explanation for what happened at the sanitarium and given that the whole Cerberus Assembly is under investigation, its not a good look. Veth's decision to steal some of those crystals did alert Trent to what they were doing and is maybe part of the reason he's pursuing them so aggressively, but I feel like its going to be one of those things that really helps them out in the future. I was happy when it was proposed to keep at least one for evidence, because I think if it's used in the right way and given to the right people it might be a nail in the coffin Trent (hopefully) finds himself in.

To jump off from the crystal point, I'm really digging how in this campaign player choices have at times had some really interesting a longstanding consequences/rewards. Like it really makes the world feel alive, and that its not revolving around M9. Like for one of the more "positive" examples, Beau telling Dairon about how she was kidnapped and forced into the Cobalt Soul lead to the eventual arrest and upcoming trail of Zeenoth and the apology Beau deserved for years. But on the flip side, as we learn eventually, when the rest of the party joins back up with them in Nicodranas, Jester mentioning The Ruby of the Sea gives Trent a lead of where to find them. (I'd also like to mention that Team Outtie or Audi, lol, did a pretty good job. Fjord really came through with Arcane Gate, Marine Layer and even Major Image. It didn't stop Trent but it did keep the Guards busy. Caduceus got them out quick with Word of Recall and while Beau's umm, assassination attempt was brutal, she did keep the Guard on top of the tower from doing anything and she alerted Team Outtie to the arrival of Trent and more Guards.)

But back to Nicodranas and M9 trying to get their families there ferried away to safety. I really did nearly cry from the conversations Jester and Veth had. I adore Jester and mother's relationship, like Marion is one of my favorite of Matt's NPCs for more than reason and I love how just... loving and understanding she is. And I really like Yeza for that similar reason. Those two conversations really stuck out to me because of like... idk, I guess they sort of hit home a bit? With Jester and her mom it's the shift of being the one whose protected to the one who is the protector that I (and other adults) experience at one point when it comes to your parents as they get older. It's not as wild as keeping them safe from a powerful mage and his magic assassins, but it's a total flip in a relationship that you've had since you were younger.

And with Veth it's about being a parent and a partner and having to make choices and sometimes sacrifices to keep them safe. I'm really glad Veth and Yeza got a chance to talk and be open with one another, for at least a bit. I was surprised by Yeza's perspective of things and how he felt he was also guilty of putting their family in harm's way because I always assumed like, at least when it came to working with the Assembly he didn't have much a choice ( Idk if I just missed that part or it was mentioned in Talks or not), but him saying that he also took risks because he wanted to make something of himself and provide for Veth gives a new perspective of him and on his and Veth's relationship. Like now it seems more like he actually understands (on some level) Veth's conflicting feelings of wanting be an adventurer but wanting to be with her family too and that's why he's been so supportive of her vs him just kind of blindly supporting her. I really hope they continue to be open with one another and they keep talking about things, which I guess they might get a chance to again in the future if Veth actually does end up coming home to them for good after M9 takes care of the TombTakers. I'm sad about the idea of Veth leaving and not adventuring with the rest of M9, and I will legit cry if they say to goodbye but I can understand and respect her reasoning. She really did try to "have both" and for the things that they've been involved in, it, unfortunatly, doesn't work. Since reuniting with her family that's been one of her main conflicts and I'm happy that she finally seemed to come to a decision of what comprimises she can and can't make for the type of life she wants. I know a lot of the fandom won't be happy if Veth leaves and Sam creates another character but I like that Sam (and honestly everyone else as well) really plays his characters to who they are as people. After those heartwrenching moments, the tension in the game picks up again as they find out that they're being watched by two inviduals who turn out to be Astrid and Eadwulf. Astrid basically tells them to get everyone they care about and get the fuck out of Nicodranas since they've been dispatched to get them, and from some invisable tailing by Veth, we learn that there's another Volstrucker in town, along with fucking Trent himself and that they're only a few blocks away from the Lavish Chateu. So M9 gets themselves and the families together and steaths to Yussa's tower, hoping he could help them get somewhere else quick, only to find that he can't be reached at the moment. Luckily, his servant Wentsworth knows of something that might help and after some searching a Detect Languages spell, they find a scroll that has the spell Plane Shift and a tuning fork that they're unsure which plane its atturned to.

My thoughts on this are:

That I'm not sure if they're lucky or unlucky at this point. Because on one hand they're literally on the run from one of the most powerful mages in the Empire, but on the otherhand they've managed to escape him twice, despite the odds being against them. I really want to know what plane they're on, there's a lot of speculation that its the Plane of Fire which sounds terrible, but I'm not that versed in like D&D lore so maybe it's not as bad as it sounds in my head. I agree with Matt that thinking to use the Happy Fun Ball as a way to transport some of their people was pretty clever, I just hope they made the right choices for who went inside and who stayed outside. This is Yasha's first time in the ball! I wish it was under better circsumstances so that everyone could be there and they could actually explore but I wonder what her reaction will be. When she's not making out with Beau, lol. I'm not as worried for the group in the ball as I am for the group outside of it, I think Beau, Yasha and Fjord will be able to get to an exit without too much trouble as long as they don't stumble across any surprises that aren't on the map. And I'm very intrigued with how Astrid is shaping up as a character. I like so far what Matt is doing with her and I like that she's shaping up to not just be the "bad bitch/ruthless" villain archetype that a lot of female characters end up being. That character can be fun and enjoyable in certain things and when there's more beneath the surface, but it's nice to see that Astrid actually does care about Caleb. I was suspicious of her intentions before, but I feel that Matt has made it clear that while her and Eadwulf are still adversaries to the M9, they do care about Caleb and want to help him out. I feel for the whole Blumenthal Trio one way or another. To close things, because this had gotten way too long, lol. I can't wait for the next episode. Hopefully everything will work out for them and they can get the families to safety, though I don't know if sending them to the Gentleman is a good idea. But we'll see eventually!

[handeaux]

Few Cincinnatians Shed A Tear When The Safety Lane Shut Down

Gather ‘round, youngsters and hear tell about a vintage Cincinnati tradition long consigned to the dustbin of history. I refer to the old Safety Lane, gone 40 years this year.

Time was, every automobile cruising Cincinnati thoroughfares was required to show a current sticker proving that it had passed an inspection affirming it was in a condition to be operated safely. A burnt-out headlight, a silent horn, faulty brakes, even shaky alignment earned a temporary tag, giving the driver a week to repair the problem.

The real problem was there were so many loopholes in the Safety Lane system that the whole operation finally devoured itself. But we’ll get to that eventually.

The Safety Lane began as a voluntary service at a time when automobile fatalities were spiraling out of control. In 1934, the city of Cincinnati alone logged 201 fatal automobile accidents. For comparison, all of Hamilton County recorded only 108 auto fatalities in 2019. In 1935, the National Safety Council ranked Cincinnati as among the most dangerous municipalities to drive through.

In response, Municipal Court Judge Elmer Hunsicker created a civic organization known as the Traffic Safety Council. In 1935, the Council opened its first Safety Lane on Court Street, an outdoor, drive-through service offering thorough evaluations to motorists on a voluntary basis.  Perhaps to emphasize the life-saving intent, the lane was operated under the auspices of the County Coroner. On a single day in May 1935, the temporary service flagged defects on 77 of 109 cars inspected, with more than half failing because of headlights, five for faulty brakes and four for poor alignment.

A year later, funded by the Works Progress Administration, the lane moved to the new Union Terminal. The Depression-era service provided jobs for 36 men. As more cars earned failing marks, the city decided to make regular inspections mandatory and located a site along Central Parkway near the Hopple Street Viaduct to build a permanent facility. The new, official, city-operated Safety Lane opened on 21 December 1939. On 1 April, 1940, inspections every six months became mandatory. That’s when the fun started.

Almost simultaneously with Cincinnati, Norwood initiated an inspection program and motorists played the two inspections against each other. If an auto failed in Cincinnati, the driver drove to Norwood and often got a better result. Although a significant number of owners went to Butler or Clermont County to register their vehicles – on the assumption that police would only tag cars with Hamilton County plates – cops learned to run the plates, and issued tickets if a Cincinnati address showed up for out-of-town plates.

The official stickers themselves caused problems. Until 1959, the Safety Lane glued an approved permit onto the windshield. The permits were so thick that thieves shaved them off and sold them to people driving junkers that would never pass inspection. Unfortunately, the replacement stickers were fragile decals that often disintegrated during application.

Citizens resented the Safety Lane’s hours – basically 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. – requiring them to take time from work to have their car inspected. Lunch hours invariably generated featured long lines. For many years, although Safety Lane stickers were dated, the city mailed reminders to motorists when it was time for an updated inspection, adding to the cost of operation.

The city was leisurely about updating its records, resulting in confusion, as reported by the Cincinnati Post’s Si Cornell [24 June 1964]. After waiting half an hour, inching his way forward in a long line of cars, a motorist realized he didn’t need to be there at all. The city reminder he received was for an old car he no longer owned, and the car he was driving had a brand new sticker. He explained this to the inspector, who waved his car through.

“But while Leo was thanking him – another eager attendant leaped into the auto and (as usual) scraped off Leo’s good sticker. They couldn’t give him another sticker since the car hadn’t been inspected. ‘I had to drive around and get in that long line again,’ said Leo.”

Motorists suspected that safety inspections were nothing but a a money-making racket for the city and often complained about suspicious activity. A complaint to the Enquirer’s “Tell It To Bick” column [23 September 1965] is typical:

“Although the Safety Lane sticker on our car had not expired, we put it through the lane – it was passed okay. Then we decided to put on some new tires. One wheel was about to fall off! If we had not put new tires on, there might have been a fatal accident. How can this pass the Safety Lane?”

A bribery scandal in 1960 tarnished the reputation of the safety Lane inspectors. Motorists complained that leaving a “tip” on the seat as the inspector drove the car through resulted in a rubber-stamped approval. One inspector implicated in the investigation killed himself.

Eventually, the cost of operating the Safety Lane far outstripped the funds accrued via nominal inspection fees. Automobiles, once relatively similar, evolved into variants as disparate as subcompacts and hulking SUVs. Equipment capable of testing this range proved expensive and balky. Research showed that driver error rather than vehicle condition caused most fatal accidents. In the early 1970s, the city considered shutting the Safety Lane just as the federal government imposed penalties on cities that failed to meet air pollution standards. New exhaust inspections were added to the checklist. By 1980, the Safety Lane was losing $12,000 every month. After a few tight city budgets, the Safety Lane went on the chopping block.

It was not mourned. The Cincinnati Post [20 February 1981] rejoiced:

“One of the nicest things to happen so far in 1981 was the demise of the Cincinnati Safety Lane. For years it was a place where motorists wasted time, were relieved of their money, and sometimes were humiliated – apparently for no good reason at all.”

Just seven years later, a new inspection program, mandated by state and federal efforts to improve the city’s polluted air quality went into effect. Auto emission testing stations opened at service stations and a few dedicated facilities. Air quality improved and that program faded away, too.

Paul Smith, who ran the Safety Lane for the last few years before it closed, remained convinced it saved lives. He told the Cincinnati Post [2 February 1988]:

“We literally had to take some cars away from people because they were so unsafe. Some people would want to get physical with you about that. But they would come in with literally no brakes. You’d press the pedal and it would go all the way to the floor. And they would say, ‘Yeah, I know. Just hit ‘em a couple of more times, they’ll work.’”

[spiriituma]

||--not sure what, if anything, to tag this as but !! potential trigger warning for death, some gore... basically magic horror beneath the cut, so have fun !!--||

IT WAS AN ALL BUT SILENT NIGHT. The witch’s heart pounded in her ears, she could feel it rising up into her throat. Each footfall was more panicked than the last, and though the sirens were far enough behind her to fade into obscurity behind the thick curtain of fog that followed, the fear that they would catch her couldn’t help but creep into her thoughts. Lee’s white-knuckle grip on her cloak and the bag she carried over her shoulder only grew tighter as she barreled through underbrush, deeper and deeper into the thicket, paying little attention to where she was headed, only looking to get far, far away from where she’d been.

Once she could no longer hear the sirens, the girl stopped, doubled over coughing, trying to catch her breath. She didn’t know how long she’d been running, how far the town she’d just booked it out of was behind her. A shaking hand reached out to grasp at the nearest tree, nails digging into the bark. She’d gotten a little bit too cocky with her thievery; breaking into a pawn shop to rob them of their most valuable objects only to find an armed night guard hadn’t exactly been a shining moment of hers. (She was a teenager with magic too strong for her own good; it was bound to get to her head eventually.)

A few minutes passed before the blonde finally stopped shaking. She took a tentative step forward, pulling the hood of her cloak back up around her. It had just begun to drizzle; thunder rumbled in the distance, lightning flickered faintly overhead. If she didn’t start moving now, she’d never make it to somewhere she could keep dry before it started to downpour. The last thing she wanted was to be rained on when she had only one other set of clothes to change into and nowhere warm to sleep. If only she could start a fire that wasn’t cold, something that she’d have to teach herself later; maybe she could practice while she walked.

Muttering to herself, playing with a small blue flame, Lee picked her way through the woods, starting down a little dirt trail that looked like it hadn’t been trod down in years. A half an hour of walking, of practicing, and an iron gate blocked the young girl’s way. Soft, blue-gray eyes gazed up at the wrought iron design arching above her head. There was no name on the gate, but the headstones just past it led her to believe she’d just stumbled upon an old cemetery, seemingly forgotten to all but her.

The witch very cautiously pushed the gate open with a loud creak, fog pooling around her ankles as she wiped the rust on her tattered jeans. It must have rained rather hard there before she arrived, puddles lined the gravel road down both sides; the gravestones, some of which appeared to be old, scuffed marble shone with a new glory, the dust and dirt washed away. As she walked, she read the names, the inscriptions. A married couple resting side by side. A young boy. A woman taken in her prime. Several stones with no names, names that had faded away with time. Feeling the tears begin to well up, Lee paused, squatting beside them, fingers grazing over the still wet stones.

Condolences were whispered to the souls who laid beneath, an apology uttered along with it. A fascination, a connection, with the dead had always bubbled within the witch. As a child, she had spent a lot of time in cemeteries, more so after the loss of her grandmother. A witch herself, Lee’s grandmother had been the young girl’s rock, teaching her the basics, helping her control her magic. When the woman passed, Lee was lost-- completely devastated. Her one solace was visiting her grandmother’s gravesite every evening... until their family moved. And kept moving. With every mistake that Lee made regarding her powers, the girl’s mother grew more and more angry, holing her away from people save to send her to school. The blows to her psyche kept coming, and the pent up anger and aggression rose ever further to the surface.

Until the girl blew a fuse. Quite literally.

Lee visibly winced, trying to push the thought out of her conscious as she stood, casting a lingering glance at the wordless grave markers before continuing on. The thunder she’d been trying so hard to avoid boomed louder, echoing around her, seeming to shake the cemetery itself. Her breath hung in the air like dragon smoke amidst the fog around her; a quick peek over her shoulder determined there was no going back-- she was far enough along that the gate had since disappeared. “Well...” The word was breathy, quiet, said to no one in particular, not even herself. “I guess the only way out... is through.”

Continuing on, Lee had to stop herself from stopping at more headstones, telling herself that it would be fine, that those who rested there would forgive her for not acknowledging them. All that mattered was making it to a safe, dry, and preferably warm location before the oncoming storm finally touched ground. As she reached what she presumed was the edge of the cemetery, about to hop over the rusty iron fence, something caught her eye. There was a portion of the wrought iron that was broken, overgrown by a large tree. Past it, an even lesser traveled path poked out from underneath loose leaves and brush. She paused, fingers tapping against the iron; teeth bit down hard on her lower lip. Keep going keep going keep going-- Her mind told her to keep going straight.

BUT IT WAS HER HEART TUGGING HER TOWARDS THE SHADOWS.

Lee jogged over to the broken portion of fencing and hopped the roots that had overtaken it, pushing past the underbrush as she moved forward, keeping her eyes on the gravel path so that she wouldn’t be lost in the fog were she to want to head back. There was an air of excitement, of mystery, around the place. She had never been one to find cemeteries spooky; in fact, the contrary was true-- walking through one’s gates felt like going to visit friends. However, what she stumbled upon in the woods was a sight unlike anything she’d ever seen before.

A hauntingly beautiful mausoleum stood among a circle of trees, seemingly protected from time itself, and standing in front of it... A STATUE OF A HORSE. She was transfixed by the creature, and how could she not be? The piece was immaculate, sculpted from what appeared to be black marble or granite, though a more exotic kind than she’d ever seen, shot through with swirls of red and gold. What intrigued Lee most of all, however, was not what the horse was made of, but its posture, its physique. It looked to be a mare, standing alert, one ear pricked forward, her neck arched and nostrils flared-- though the horse was not rearing up or striking, all four feet planted on its base, something about it sent a chill down the witch’s spine.

SHE WAS A PROTECTOR. A FIERCE ONE. A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH.

It was clear to her that the mare had been placed at the site as a memorial, but also as a warning-- one that she would later regret not heeding. Though, in that moment, she was desperate. An idea had worked its way into her mind. She remembered a spell in the book her grandmother had given her that would give life to an inanimate object, long enough for the object to provide a service to its creator before turning back into whatever it had once been. A loud crack of lightning across the cloudy night sky told the girl all she needed to know. She needed to find that spell, and she needed to find it fast. This horse could help her. Maybe it could protect her, be her guide; if nothing else, it would at least provide a way out of the woods that was faster than her own two feet.

Setting down her bag, Lee dug through it and grabbed the musty, torn spell book her grandmother had given her. Flipping through it, she occasionally cast a glance up at the horse; maybe it was just her own paranoia from the events that had transpired earlier that night, but she felt like it was eyeing her. Sizing her up. Upon finding the spell, Lee set the book down onto the wet ground (how odd that the page had already been marked, and not by her own hand,) before taking a deep breath and stepping back towards the statue. Her tongue stuck out from between her lips in concentration as she began to draw a circle around the base with her magic, lighting up the surrounding area with an eery blue glow. 

Lee checked the circle once, twice, three times, going back and forth to her spell book to make sure she had everything right. Stepping back to admire her handiwork, eyes closed tight, a plea to a higher power slipped past her lips. The witch swallowed thickly and opened her eyes-- it was time to try out what she’d learned. Hands hovered above the book, she stood square with the statue’s base, looking up at the stone mare. This had to work. IT JUST HAD TO WORK. 

“Veni... ambulabunt mecum.” (COME... WALK WITH ME.)

Another crack of lightning split the sky, though it was Lee’s magic that still illuminated the clearing and everything in it. Leaves began to swirl at the statue’s base, and the witch felt her breath hitch in her chest. Her hands trembled, fingers tense from holding the spell, but she simply had to see it through its completion. Lee’s teeth gritted, brows furrowed, fighting the urge to stop. I can take it. I can do this. I’m strong enough. Gramma wouldn’t have given me the book if she didn’t think so--

Blue tendrils of magic branched out of its circle, snaking up the statue’s base and around the horse’s legs, up its chest, barrel, haunches... crawling up and wrapping its neck and head. Suddenly there was a CRACK that wasn’t from above; Lee’s eyes shot up, the circle she had created around the statue’s base ceased to glow, fading into the ground. The clearing was silent.

DEATHLY SILENT.

The statue began to twitch. Head canted to the side; stone crackled and chipped as its ears flicked back and forth. Eyes forced themselves to blink; hooves were picked up one by one off of the base, the creature gaining its footing for the very first time. Lee’s magic still ensnared it, the mare’s eyes glowing a bright blue. From her position on the ground, Lee took a step back, a small smile of disbelief on her face, watching the creature. She’d done it, she’d completed the spell--

She tripped over her backpack, sending her falling onto her backside with a thud. Breathless, the witch’s eyes locked onto the statue, meeting the creature’s gaze. Something felt wrong. A sudden terror struck her as the magic that had been meant to fade began to change; the blue tendrils warped themselves, swirling faster around the figure and changing from the electric blue that Lee was so familiar with to a blazing blood red. Scrambling backwards, desperately trying to get herself untangled from her backpack, Lee’s heart nearly froze in her chest.

THE MARE’S JAW CRACKED OPEN IN A SILENT SCREAM, AND THE CREATURE RAISED ITSELF ONTO ITS HIND LEGS. 

Within seconds, it sprung towards the witch, Lee having just barely managed to kick herself free and get to her feet, throwing herself in the direction of the path she’d traveled earlier. Once again, she found herself in a desperate chase, though this one easily felt more LIFE AND DEATH than the previous. She couldn’t stop shaking, sparks flying from her fingertips with each stride; the girl dared not look behind her, for it was enough to hear the stone horse crashing its way through the underbrush. 

There was a slight bit of relief as the broken portion of cemetery fence she’d jumped earlier came back into view through the fog. Frantically, Lee leapt the fence, but she was stopped short upon landing, her cloak caught on the wrought iron spikes. She stumbled to the ground, choking, clutching at her neck in an attempt to free herself of the garment. Just past the fence, the horse had come into view, menacing red eyes shining through the heavy fog. IT WAS AFTER HER. IT WASN’T STOPPING. IT WAS GOING TO KILL HER.

AND SHE WAS RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

With enough struggling, the cloak ripped, sending the witch flat onto her face, but providing a bit of a distraction for the ghastly creature that had hunted her down. As Lee scrambled back, the horse became tangled in the cloak. It had no voice, it could not speak, but THAT DIDN’T STOP IF FROM SCREAMING. Eyes were still fixed on the young witch as she backed away from the creature, her thoughts a blur, mind racing, trying to determine a plan of action-- or if there even was one. Her ankle was twisted from the fall, running would no longer be an option; the book that contained her spells was somewhere past the horse, on the other side of the fence, still at the mausoleum, there was no way she’d be able to reach it in time.

WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I--

The stone mare had finally freed itself from the cloak, shaking the garment that was now tattered beyond recognition off of her hooves and facing down the witch. Save for Lee’s ragged breathing, the cemetery was quiet; the sense of dread that had overtaken the witch was soon replaced with anger as the creature stood there, a ways in front of her, watching her with an almost disappointed gaze. AS IF SHE WERE WOUNDED PRAY THAT THE HORSE HAD EXPECTED MORE OF A CHASE FROM.

“Wh-- What do you want--?!” Maybe SCREAMING AT IT wasn’t Lee’s best option, but... she didn’t see any way out of this in which she was STILL LIVING. Tears began to stream down the witch’s battered face; she clutched at her side, knees trembling, trying to convince herself to KEEP STANDING. “What do-- do you want from me? You wanna kill me? IS THAT IT?!”

There was no response from the horse. Had the girl really expected one?

Letting out a shaking, choppy breath, Lee spat blood at her feet, keeping her eyes trained on the mare. It had finally hit her, the anger that she had kept deep inside ever since her grandmother’s death. Still willing herself to keep standing, the blonde gritted her teeth, staring down the horse through her tears. “THEN FUCKING DO IT! GET IT OVER WITH! Look at you, you fucking bitch-- you’re a MONSTER. And I’m the one that made you--

I’M NO BETTER THAN YOU ARE.

I’ve wasted this life. I’ve wasted my life, a-and I’ve played god, and I DON’T DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE, SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR--?!

JUST GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!”

And so, it seemed, the mare would, launching forward at Lee from her end of the small cemetery. There was nowhere for the girl to go, and as she faced down the horse, she knew then and there--

Wait, no-- NO NO NO. SHE DIDN’T WANT TO GO.

Before the mare could finish the job, Lee held both hands out in front of her, willing her magic to do whatever it needed to protect her. Never before had she put such faith in her powers, but with her life dependent on them... she didn’t have a choice. A burst of electric blue beams shot from her palms at the horse, seeming to blind it. Sliding to a stop, the stone creature reared up and backed away, the blast hitting it square in the chest. Though the horse wasn’t knocked over, it had stopped, and as the magic faded from Lee’s palms, it stood quietly, blinking at her, the red fading to a soft magenta. Lee’s hands fell to her sides, a breathy laugh of relief slipping past her lips. Whatever she had done... the horse now seemed... normal. Friendly. Curious, even. It looked like her magic had--

WITHOUT WARNING, THE GIRL FELL TO HER KNEES.

A searing pain shot through her chest, and she doubled over, forehead resting on the ground, hands wrung together at her throat. What was happening? It was pure, blinding agony; Lee had never felt something so powerful in her life. Her breathing ragged, the poor girl frightened and confused, a blue glow began to seep past her closed eyes. She dared not look; teeth gritted, Lee tried her best to curl up even further, but it was no use. The witch’s chest split open like someone had taken an ice pick to a frozen pond, her whole torso starting to crack, the veins resonating from the area above her heart. 

“P-- P-Please--”

Sobbing, the witch was knocked out of her fetal position, the magic coursing through her forcing her up onto her knees. Blue tendrils surrounded her, one of them BLASTING her full in the chest.. and retrieving HER STILL-BEATING HEART. Lee watched on in horror, unable to believe that the organ had been so easily taken from her, UNABLE TO BELIEVE THAT SHE WAS STILL ALIVE WITHOUT IT. Yet, that wasn’t entirely true-- rapidly, the witch’s body began to change. 

HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN SAY THAT THEY HAVE WATCHED THEMSELVES DECAY? 

Her skin became pale, ghastly, with the very hint of rigor mortis setting in. Bruising seeped into her finger tips, causing the beds of her nails to turn a dark black-ish purple; the same could be said for the area surrounding the witch’s eyes, creating almost a mask-like appearance that stretched over her face. She shivered, both trembling from shock and the newfound COLDNESS that crept into her body. Lee’s hair, which had been neatly braided, hanging roughly to her waist, burst from its tie, growing wild and unruly to the full length of its potential. If it were cut, it would never grow back, for it had done all the growing it ever would in this lifetime. 

Still in shock, her thoughts drifted-- THE HORSE. Where was the horse? The creature that had attacked her had turned tail, absolutely terrified, though it seemed that LEE’S MAGIC HAD CAUGHT UP WITH IT. Electric blue tendrils grabbed the horse’s legs mid-stride, pulling it backwards and onto the ground, dragging it nearer to the human heart that floated just above them both, still beating, surrounded by a glowing orb of magic. Lee locked eyes with the creature; there was a part of her that felt for it, despite the fact it had tried to kill her. 

IT WAS CONFUSED. SCARED. 

Lee was about to reach out to the animal when the heart-- HER HEART --split in two, rocketing one half into the witch and the other... INTO THE HORSE. The force of her heart reentering her body sent the girl flying onto her back, though she managed to shakily position herself so she could see the animal in front of her. LOOKING BACK, SHE WISHED SHE HADN’T. 

The animal’s stone facade CRACKED AND SPLIT, down her spine and in veins across her barrel. Magic whisked away into the woods surrounding them, sucking the life out of everything around them-- trees lost their leaves, wilted, decayed; birds fell from the sky. WHAT LEE HAD GIVEN WASN’T ENOUGH; more had been needed. Her eyes were no longer a solid, glowing mass, but the whites now shown, the magenta orbs pleading with Lee for help. BUT THERE WAS NOTHING SHE COULD DO.

Both of them exhausted and bleeding, Lee crawled her way towards the scared creature. Its mane and tail that had once been sculpted stone were now long and slick; as the girl pulled herself closer, she could see fleshy areas on the animal’s hide. The mare was CHANGING, like Lee had changed, though were life had been taken from the witch... it was rapidly, TOO RAPIDLY, being given to the mare.

Lee managed to reach the horse, one hand lifting to shakily press against the creature’s now warm, soft muzzle before the girl passed out, everything around her fading to black.

[kakakakashi]

Just recently started reading your blog, and i'm really happy to see how respectful and mindful you are of the fact that this is 18+ content. Tumblr can be a dark and downright gross place sometimes, so it's really refreshing to know that people on here do care about keeping these types of posts in the right hands. Love your writing btw, ty for the place to be shamelessly thirsty lmao

Thank you for following, friend. It means a lot, and thank you for your kind words. I like to consider myself a tumblr ancient. I have been on this hell site for almost a decade. I saw the Mishapocalypse, I remember original tumblr blue, I know why the reblog button exists, I remember when asks were the only way to communicate, and I remember the first time this garbage fire got sold. 

In my years, I have seen a lot. I miss the days when reblogs were more common than likes. I miss the days where everyone screamed in the tags about fics they liked. I miss the days when people actually read the faq pages before asking. I miss the days where people actually read the warnings and notes authors leave on posts. I miss the days where people actually read descriptions and links and things that are there to provide readers with information instead of lazily ignoring them and sending an ask that’s answered on the ask page itself. I miss when readers respected their writers more. I miss when desktop was more popular than the godawful mobile app. I remember when messages came out, and you didn’t have to send your favorite author 5 asks to talk to them about their writing. I miss those interactions sometimes, though. 

I wish tumblr was still 18+. I think it was the biggest mistake ever to make it “more family friendly”. I knew it wouldn’t work. It hasn’t. Now, it just makes it harder for content creators, especially adult content creators. As a creator, it’s my responsibility to regulate who consumes my content. I can get in trouble if I don’t. Back when I first started, we didn’t have to. The site was for adults, and it was just unspoken that if you weren’t 18, you didn’t interact with 18+ blogs. It was just... a thing from what I saw. It was basic respect for the person on the other side of the screen, I guess. 

As time went on, I gradually saw an increase of people disrespecting that, and now with tumblr being stupid, it’s worse than ever. I try to keep track of who follows me, but it’s hard. Past blogs of mine were easier with no more than 250 followers, but this is difficult with almost 700 in about a month. I really am happy you guys seem to be respectful of the rule, though. It’s to protect you and me. I haven’t found anyone I’ve had to block yet, whereas I’ve had to block 50+ people on one blog before. Just please realize that there’s a reason I have it in my description.

Don’t follow me or interact with me if you’re underage. You will be blocked. This is not exclusively referring to my smut. This also means my fluff and angst. There’s a reason why I refer to it as NSFW vs. 18+. There is a difference. They are NOT synonymous. This whole blog is 18+. Just wait until you’re 18 for both your sake and mine. If not, you won’t be able to consume my content even when you are 18. Just... don’t be an asshole. It’s not hard.

Going off of that, it’s just basic human decency to like... just make sure people know what content is out there, so they can decide if they want to consume it or not? Like... if you don’t like something, you shouldn’t be forced to look at it? I know I don’t want to. Like, I hate those ASPCA commercials. They make me cry, so I change the channel whenever they come on. I don’t want to be forced to watch that. It’s the same concept. Some people don’t want to see my stuff. That’s cool. They don’t have to look at it. It’s just stupid writing about characters that aren’t even real. I just want people to be safe, be respectful, and be responsible. I try to do that, and I expect all of you to do the same.

However, you guys are lovely. You don’t force me to be serious very often on here, and it just makes everything more fun for everyone. I get to shamelessly thirst and swoon and scream like the dumbass I am instead of wasting my time policing my followers. It’s fun to let loose sometimes in a responsible way, and I want that to be what this blog is about. I lost my shame long ago, so you’re always welcome here, fam.

My writing’s boring and stupid. I promise I can actually write quality prose when needed, but this is all just a super self indulgent stream of consciousness. It’s literally just me screaming about Naruto and wishing I lived in that universe and dated all the characters.

By the way, I really appreciate this. I’ve been feeling very frustrated about a few things recently, especially with my hand gradually working up to its previous workload. This just made me feel like “hey, at least I’m doing something right.” I really am grateful you took the time to send this. It made me feel a lot better. I feel seen and respected as a person and a wannabe writer.

[serialreblogger]

Tagging Game

thank you for the tag @theproblemwithstardust!

rules: tag 10 people you think would like to be tagged, and copy/paste the asks into a new post. Answer all/as many of them as you want!

1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? bold of you provide such a boring binary. i prefer green

2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? again: no. give me Forest or give me death

3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? FLIGHT

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? so MUCH. i have to add half of it at the hot water station at work and half at my desk so my coworkers don’t catch on that i’m a hummingbird in human form

5. what was your favorite book as a child? one??? well i loved The Girl Who Could Fly by Victoria Forester. When i was little i read pretty much whatever i could get my hands on tho, most of which were really old and British for some reason? which is why i now talk like a horrific combination of “abominable tumblrite” and “Victorian aristocrat”

6. do you prefer baths or showers? BATHS but only if i can play music to drown out the sound of my ears ringing

7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? i WOULD be a dryad, but if i could choose i’d be a shapeshifter (capable of transforming into anything and everything)

8. paper or electronic books? i hoard books like a dragon hoards gold, but like. electronic books are also valid (no no look i’m not elitist, some of my best friends are fanfics)

9. what is your favorite item of clothing? i have a sky blue dress shirt that is the perfect fabric and colour and shape and i love it so much

10. do you like your name? would you like to change it? my Name is Linden, and i love it. my legal name is distressingly ugly and i hate it

11. who is a mentor to you? dang, friend, i don’t think i trust any adults enough for them to count

12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for? i would like to be famous for writing excellent, world-changing fantasy fiction. it will have actual representation and will be so popular that no one will remember the name of that other british writer, she who must not be named

13. are you a restless sleeper? ehh i don’t have insomnia but like. i don’t -enjoy- sleeping

14. do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? nah fam i’m MUCH to screwed up for that. i like romance well enough but i’m awkward as heck, doubly so with romance. sorry Cris, i love you

15. which element best represents you? aether! i am Edgy

16. who do you want to be closer to? some of my irl friends, i guess, bc i’m real bad at relationship maintenance sometimes

17. do you miss someone at the moment? i miss my girlfriend!

18. tell us about an early childhood memory. my childhood had happy parts but i mostly remember all that trauma, so imma give y’all a pass on that one

19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten? honestly, probably calamari. i’m not an adventurous eater. but i do like me some nice rubbery squid

20. what are you most thankful for? i just got a job, which means i can (hopefully) move out in the next little bit!

21. do you like spicy food? NO i do NOT enjoy the feeling of flame inside my mouth, i am TOO WHITE for that

22. have you ever met someone famous? Ryan Reynold’s brother’s cousin or something works at our local Costco, does that count?

23. do you keep a diary or journal? it’s called a “tumblr blog”

24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pencil!

25. what is your star sign? i like 🌠

26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? unpopular opinion but soggy cereal is better

27. what would you want your legacy to be? i want something i do to have a real, significant, important impact on the justice of this awful world. i want my life to make it easier for the kids who come after me to live theirs

28. do you like reading? What was the last book you read? i LOVE reading but these days it’s only fanfiction. Do you accept The Reverb in These Holy Halls by @wolftraps? I hope so because it well surpasses most fiction for thematic complexity and superb characterization, do recommend

29. what are you afraid of? literally everything

30. what is your favorite scent? i don’t really like scents, but i love the smell of my girlfriend’s house

31. do you address older people by their name or surname? i prefer to simply Not address them (because i want to call them by their surname but at this point i’m also an adult and that’s apparently weird)

32. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? i would MOVE OUT. then take a part-time desk job and spend the rest of my time growing succulents and writing stories

33. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? mmm also no

34. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground? honestly i’d probably ask the nearest person if it was theirs, and they would say yes even though it wasn’t and i wouldn’t clue in until i was halfway down the block

35. if you were to get a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i GENUINELY don’t trust myself enough to get a tattoo. i’m not permanent enough for that. but if i had to i’d probably pick a little, colourful, very pretty tree design and put it on my ankle or the inside of my wrist

36. what can you hear now? Welcome To The Black Parade by MCR

37. where do you feel the safest? lol imagine feeling safe

38. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? look if i existed at any point prior to today i would, 100% without doubt, be dead by now. that said the 1920s had some sweet hair jewelry

39. what is your most used emoji? 😊

40. describe yourself using one word. contradictory

41. what do you regret the most? who i used to think i was. the person i tried to be

42. last movie you saw? The Meg (hey, it has a surprisingly good romance subplot. i was actually mildly invested, A+ for a canon m/f ship in a dumb action movie. Also it has Attractive Bruce Willis in it, so bonus points)

43. last tv show you watched? i think it was Community

44. invent a word and its meaning: Hieuule is from my current wip. It means “treasure/wealth of spirit”

ok imma tag @onionwithanxiety, @existentialcrisisetcetera, @hitsuaya, @imthesheikofaraby, @elmofongo, @oliver-in-retrograde, @thenorsiest, @lunarmultishine, @marshmallow-fluffy and @affzinho! I’d love to see y’all’s responses (but please don’t feel pressured, of course) and anyone else who wants to do this, consider yourselves tagged by yours truly!!

[love-it-or-its-free]

@dyke-diva

[edited to update pastebin and make links clickable.]

First, just some more context about me: I am a 33 yr old lesbian, butch (in a nerd way) and quite androgynous/GNC.

Until a year or two ago, I was an ardent supporter of trans activism, as it went part and parcel with being a member of the LGBT "Community".

Literally, asking this same question to myself was a turning point for me. I knew I was supposed to hate and denounce anything TERF-related.... but one day I realized, I didn't know exactly what TERFs had supposedly done, that would warrant such seething hatred against them.

Like I said, I comprehend hating Nazis, because I have seen evidence of the unforgivable brutality of the Nazi regime and its supporters. I've taken history classes, read books and original sources, and watched documentaries about it.

Basically, I have seen enough evidence to understand the scope of Nazi evil, so it makes sense to me why some people go around saying "punch nazis." Personally, I'm not the type to punch anybody... and I question whether punching actually fixes the underlying evil... but based on what I know, I totally understand why nazis are so hated.

But why are terfs so viscerally hated that they are directly compared with a mass-genocidal regime? I want to know the truth. If the evidence is out there, I want to see it, to keep my views updated and accurate.

Now on to your response.

I do not believe that you should debate hate groups. I think that doing so will only help spread their hate and

I don't really believe in debating hate groups, either. But I also believe that having a closed mind is a victory for authoritarians of all stripes. I have no problem engaging with people who disagree with me, because I generally believe in having "strong opinions, weakly held" -- I am firm in my beliefs, but my mind is open to evaluating new evidence. If I deem the new evidence convincing enough, I may change my mind or update my views. I value intellectual rigor, so I want to keep my views accurate and up-to-date.

I am severely distressed about the number of terfs in wlw spaces and think that something should be done about it, it has gotten to the point where if it is not stated directly that they do not support transmisogyny that I will often feel paranoid about being in the space.

Honestly, I would love if you could PM me about these "wlw spaces" that are supposedly crawling with terfs. I feel like I'm reading this from a bizarro mirror dimension, thinking... WHAT wlw spaces? Is there really anything like this, outside of a handful of unpopular tumblr tags and a couple of small subreddits?

The only spaces I know of, especially IRL, are bending over backwards to be so "q***r friendly" that actual lesbians are being pushed out. One local activist in my city, started a public speech by claiming, "terfs are lesbians who..." and went on to drag lesbians for not being inclusive enough. Why only lesbians, I wondered??

Singling out and pressuring lesbians that way is not okay, in my opinion. Lesbians deserve to have spaces for lesbian (natal) women only. Lesbians are allowed to be repulsed by penises. None of that is hateful! Lesbians should not be pressured to sleep with anyone they aren't interested in. Unfortunately, I see that happening a lot these days. The "wlw spaces" I know of, offline and online, increasingly pressure lesbians in this way. Not cool.

Now, I can handle those pressures... but I'm really worried about younger lesbians. Being a lesbian is hard enough as it is! We have a right to exist, and to express our sexuality without added pressures.

and finally reason three, trans people who are afab have been seen to dismiss terfs actions and beliefs purely because terfs do not actively threaten their existence like they do amab trans people.

I'm not sure if I follow this part... it seems like you're saying that some FTMs ("trans people who are afab") do not feel threatened by so-called terfs, because the perception is that terfs are more threatening to "amab trans people"? Sorry if I misunderstood, but I would be interested to learn more about this phenomenon either way.

The person who sent this ask had lots of “Terf Safe” tagged posts on their blog and in their likes (though it seems their likes are now private), so I had blocked them, on the post that I made on my @la-joueuse-ultime blog that I quoted above they had asked why Terfs and Nazi’s are being compared, saying “I know about the reasons Nazis are bad, we can study history to see that evidence. But where is the evidence that terfs are comparably bad?” I had responded “@love-it-or-its-free it’s not that their comparably as bad, it’s that they’re bad. They are a hate group that has killed trans people and because of that they shouldn’t get a voice to spread their hate.” I then told them I planned to block them, I had done so and then they sent this ask.

Well, just to be clear, you were the first to interact with my post. It appears that you went looking in terf-friendly tags, found my post, and decided to interact with it. I'm happy to clarify the details of this, but I think your wording makes it sound like I sought you out, when it was actually the other way around. I posted mild terf-friendly content, you directly compared terfs to nazis. I think that's extreme.

I guess it's a good thing I hid my likes, too, because it sounds like you were ready to trawl for "punishable" content. I mean... who among us has not accidentally tapped the heart while on mobile or something? I hope you aren't really intending to police liked content like that.

Now to the actual ask, I believe the reason you can’t find Terfs that have killed trans people is that, well, you’re literally not looking,

I am quick to google anything that pops into my head, so rest assured, I would not pose this question to a tumblr rando unless I had actually attempted to answer it for myself. I'm asking to try and gather more info/evidence on top of what I have seen already.

or you think that they needed to have direct (by direct I mean they physically took part in) killing the trans person. You don’t need to be holding a knife to take part in someone’s death, you can encourage violence against the minority, you can bully and harass them until they take their own life, or you can fight against medical procedures that some of these people need to live. Terfs have done all of these.

Right... but I specifically asked how you can directly compare terfs to nazis. I agree that bullying, etc. is wrong. But I am asking for the evidence you used to make the direct comparison. You are shifting the goal posts here. I'm okay with that shift if you are... because I'm happy to provide evidence of trans activists doing things like sending death threats to terfs (or any woman who is deemed to have "terfy" views) which seems directly comparable to what you are claiming here.

It took a second search to find Terfs encouraging violence against trans women.

I found similarly scant search results... but like I said, I'm willing to evaluate new evidence when I see it.

This post on Reddit (I recommend being careful, tw for violence) is of a screenshot of a Terf stating that “It is a shame that people cannot do this in America” the post contained a picture of a man seemingly attacking a trans-woman for using the bathroom where she was most comfortable to do so. The posts were made on Spinster, a “woman-centric” social media platform that was made by M.K. Fain, a known terf.

So... I'm honestly surprised you would link to that particular subreddit as evidence of anything. But I'll charitably ignore the source for now. What I see, as far as content, is a screenshot of an anon comment on a website. You claim that the comment must be from a terf. Why? 1) screenshots can be photoshopped. 2) Anyone can sign up for an account on sites like that.

Sorry, but this isn't convincing evidence to me. Even if it's real, it's not a death threat, it's not an incitement to violence. It could be "real" in the sense that some troll signed up to the Spinster site just to troll "as a terf". It's just a shitty anon comment. Of course I object to the sentiment behind it (see anti-violence disclaimer to follow)... but I don't believe it stands up as evidence to support your claims.

(aside: I don't want to make this post any longer than it is, but I noticed some not-very-nice comments from that link and collected them in a pastebin here )

Finally, I researched the actual murder case in question. All eight people arrested in connection with the homicide are men... not terfs.

(I'll include this disclaimer here, though I'm bummed out that I feel the need to be pre-emptive/defensive about it:

I am anti-violence. I condemn violence of all kinds. (See above: I'm a softy, not the punching type) I especially condemn murder and homicide, and I do not endorse eye-for-an-eye justice. I want less pain and hatred in the world, for everybody, even folks who disagree with me.

I believe "the Golden Rule" is called Golden for a reason... it's Key! end disclaimer.)

Not only that but I found many articles directly denying violence against trans people, that I won’t link because they were made by terfs for terfs and I do not want to give them a platform. By denying the violence trans people face you are encouraging it, telling the people who enact the violence that they won’t be punished for it.

Yes, "denying violence" sounds like a bad or at least ignorant thing to do. But how is it remotely equivalent to committing violent acts? Unfortunately, if I can't see the evidence, I can neither refute nor accept it.

Trans people have a shockingly high suicide rate, there is no denying it. This article talks about a Terf that targeted a suicidal trans woman to harass, as well as provides a link to an article about Cathy Brennan, one of many who try to directly prevent trans people from seeking medical help.

I read this, but I couldn't figure out the series of events it's describing. I looked around on my own, and found that it seems to be a response to an ongoing feud between Dana Taylor (author of the piece) and at least one other person. For instance, I found multiple blog posts from the "other side" which described Dana Taylor's participation in harrassment and doxxing campagins. Here's one person on twitter, describing their experience with being targeted:

I just googled myself and found this from 5 years ago which said I was going to be watched. I don't think they watched me.

source thread

That's just one example I found. There were many similar tweets and comments about doxxing involving the author of the link you gave. So I'm open to reading more about these incidents, if you have more links. If something bad happened, I would like to understand better. But right now, this at best looks like just one side of a multi-sided internet slapfight.

If you just listened to trans people you would hear story after story of them being attacked by terfs if you just paid more attention you would see them encouraging violence against trans people, and if you just cared a tiny bit more, you’d realize that trans people are human too.

I am listening, or at least I'm trying to listen by asking good-faith questions while trying not to be attacked for it. Are you doing the same, keeping an ear out for stories of terfs being attacked, and listening to their stories?

How would it make you feel if I said, "if you just cared a tiny bit more, you'd realize that terfs are human too." ?

Anyway, that’s the post thank you for being patient.

Same here. I want you to know that I truly appreciate your thorough reply and the time you spent on it.

[nbapprentice]

there’s so, so, SO much nonsense surrounding this game that i’m gonna do my best to separate it into digestible bits, with its own categories. even then this is... wow. it’s big.

Warning tags will be added at the start of every section, but the general gist is: incest, pedophilia mentions, fetishization of rape and abuse, fetishization of mlm, fetishization of people of color, racism, ableism, nb erasure and transphobia. aside of the warnings, this post will also touch upon Scummy Business Practices

let’s get going

Dana Rune’s and Elle’s lack of moral fiber: #incest #pedophilia#rape and abuse fetishization #homophobia

tl;dr: dana loves incest porn, elle loves guy on guy rape, and the both of them are friends with at least one pedophile

dana rune has run, is still running an incest zine (please visit my faq on what i think about “thats not really incest” and “it’s just fictional!”). The Arcana, as a dev team, clearly does not care, as shown in their e-mail responses.

dana also very much doesn’t care and has reacted to any criticism on this by dismissing people and blocking actual incest victims who tried to contact her about it claiming it was for her “mental health”

in some tweets she claims she “interprets” the characters as not siblings, but she never really cared enough to cover her ass when it all began (she happily admits she’d “cross the incest line”)

dana has commissioned artists who also ship incest, draw near-pedophilic art that’s supposed to pass as acceptable because the character involved is supposedly not a minor despite looking like a child down to wearing pigtails (the character is also wearing a racist-ass belly dancer outfit), AND even made white-washed fanart of The Arcana.

dana follows twitter user kapymui who also produces incestuous Fire Emblem art

dana has retweeted omocat long after it came out that omocat is, at the very least, consuming pedophilic content (on “omocat didn’t know what shota meant!”: yes they did)

moving on, elle has a long, long, LONG history of fetishizing mlm and the rape and abuse that comes with yaoi and had a rich, RICH “yaoi” tag before they deleted their tumblr

they curiously deleted their tumblr right after i made this reblog

shortly after that, tumblr user thalassiq remade and started attacking and insulting any blogs criticizing them - even people providing support in IMs. Since this doesn’t match Dana and Elle’s normal pity parties I’m personally willing to believe they were just a person wanting to start shit - but it’s so telling how Elle used this chance to dismiss everyone who disagrees with them by calling them “children” and did not even bother to offer a kind word to people who were harassed and even had their trauma mocked by this person. It costs 0 dollars to say “that was not me but I’m sorry about people who were hurt.”

Dana and Elle are close with Ava’s Demon creator Michelle Czajkowski aka that one person who endorses child porn of her characters, and even had her draw a promo image for the game. Michelle has been creating highly sexualized content of her minor characters for a while now.

ok so elle and dana are gross freaks, how is that related to the game?

oh it’s very very related

Dana Rune’s and Elle’s lack of moral fiber that’s Actually Inside The Game or The Game’s Blog: now with more #racism #fetishization of poc and mlm #whitewashing #fat hate #pedophilia #nb erasure #transphobia

tl;dr: the arcana is filled to the brim with racism! so much of it! haha holy shit! and that’s not even where it ends!!!

their game is rated PG-13 but includes incredibly sexual situations such as Julian making this fucking face while getting off on pain. This isn’t the only time Dana and Elle use their videogame aimed at young teens to showcase their kinks and fetishes. I have no issue with NSFW or titillating content, as long as it’s rated accordingly. This content is NOT and it’s a blatant disregard for their audience just to have a larger, more pliable demographic and have more money sent their way.

if you start your argument with “well, teenagers look at porn” 1. shut up 2. theres a HUGE difference between teenagers going after adult content aimed at adults, and adults creating content they know will be seen by kids barely starting puberty

as pointed above, dana has 0 qualms literally commissioning people who make whitewashed fanart of her own fucking game that’s supposed to be all about the inclusivity and safe spaces

thearcanagame blog has a pattern of reblogging whitewashed fanart (before you come in swinging with the good ole “ITS THE LIGHTING”: 1. no it isnt 2. the artist should’ve picked better lightning then 3. i draw and post shit online too so dont come telling me i just dont understaaaand),

fanart of their fat characters showed skinnier than they are in their sprites (although to be real for a moment - Portia is curvy at most and them behaving she’s fat rep is HILARIOUS).

going back to NSFW content: nadia and asra are overwhemlingly sexualized in the game, and were the first to have sexualized CGs and sprites introduced.

CGs: Asra’s here, here aND HERE, Nadia’s here with a NSFW warning because she’s just got her whole fucking ass out. Sprites: Asra’s thank god for whoever compiled it all in one image, Nadia’s and once again, NSFW warning lmfao!

Julian’s sprites on the other hand are noticeably tamer, including the one where he’s fucking strapped in leather. His only sexual (NSFW warning because its literally softcore tentacle porn WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, SHOULDN’T BE PUT IN A GAME AIMED AT 13YOS) CGs were also included months after Nadia and Asra received any of theirs.

Through all of the updates, people have constantly requested that Asra and Nadia’s sexualization be toned down, and time after time The Arcana just churned out fetishistic, hypersexualized content at an absurd rate, especially when compared to the one white love interest.

Oh, speaking of the one white love interest: Julian is based off of Jeff Goldblum (this is not spectulation - they p much bring it up at any given time) but like. If Jeff Goldblum was white. They base their favorite love interest off their supposed favorite man in the world but casually leave his skin tone behind. Lmao.

they also play favorites very obviously - in the prologue, Nadia and Asra have a romance paid scene each. Julian has a scene... that requires no coins. Julian was also the first LI to receive three CGs, two of them requiring no coins, while both Asra’s and Nadia’s first CGs were behind a paywall

Dana and Elle have been notoriously skittish about confirming or denying their characters’ ethnicities. After hyping for weeks on thearcanagame that they would confirm the character’s races they basically made a post that amounted to “well they’re not white lol!”

they only relented after the perfectly understandable outrage... and posted a thread about it on Elle’s twitter. Nothing on the actual thearcanagame blog. Anyway, here’s the thread. Note how there’s mention of Julian being Jeff Goldblum... but nothing about him and Portia being Jewish (or “fantasy Jewish” as it were).

The one time they did confirm their jewishness dana then backpedaled and said she shouldn’t have done that lol.

another fun tidbit of how well The Arcana handles race and how much it cares about feedback from fans: an ask was sent about an anon begging for Nadia to step on them. The blog, with the finesse of a bunch of horny dumbasses, didn’t just publish the ask, but approved of it (even though the fans of color had long, long, LONG been telling everyone not to fetishize Nadia into a “step on me kween” wet dream). People were outraged, of course, and the blog ~apologized~ and said they were still learning.... then a new chapter included a scene of Nadia stepping on the Apprentice. 🙃

not to mention elle, on their twitter, made a passive aggressive “women can be doms?” tweet, trying to twist it into a “yr oppressing women” angle (when the issue is that women of color are always constantly portrayed as aggressive and domineering)

Now for a wombo combo of racism and Elle’s fetishization of mlm:

the devs have spoken at length of how Julian’s and Asra’s relationship was quite unhealthy. In a paid scene in Asra’s route, they’re depicted as Asra being disgusted w Julian touching him+Julian following Asra to his shop when Asra refused his offer to go with him (aka julian... stalked him lmfao).

.......... this scene is promptly followed by a highly sexual scenario where Julian’s pain fetish is played up. Remember how this game is rated PG-13? Me neither. Asra’s previous disgust with Julian is also forgotten, for some reason (and by some reason i mean Elle wants to make them fuck w/o buildup or logic).

Then Asra’s route has yet another paid scene dedicated to Asrian, even though he’s supposed to not even like Julian! And be head over heels with the Apprentice! But Elle just has to make these two be entangled despite insisting their relationship was not good for either of them!

Now here’s the kicker: Julian doesn’t have any paid scenes related to his romance with Asra. Note how it’s one of the brown LIs whose route is highjacked by the white LI, but not vice versa. Hmmmmm.

Now, on the topic of Asra: thearcanagame has said repeatedly that he’s nb and uses he/him pronouns, and promised (since last year) that there would be dialogue where he speaks about his gender

as of the making of this post such dialogue still does not exist

so basically asra is the nb to dumbledore’s gay: anyone who just plays the game w/o keeping up with the official blog has no idea of what asra’s gender is supposed to be.

aka he’s not nb. he’s just a cis guy. the arcana just doesn’t want to put its money where its mouth is, i dont care if elle is nb themself. the team made a promise which has not been fulfilled yet and i suspect will not be.

instead, our introduction to canon nb characters is... these two.

By “these two” i mean neither vulgora nor valdemar are even fucking human, and stick out like sore thumbs with their monstruousness.

so our nb rep is... non-human villains. a few books later one of Nadia’s sisters with they/them pronouns shows up, but that’s too little too late on top of the fact that we should’ve known Asra was nb from the first to begin with. It’s a fucking embarrassment and an insult.

at least two villains are visibly disabled (Lucio’s missing arm and Volta’s blind eye+intentionally asymmetrical face). Julian’s eye doesn’t count because, spoilers, he’s not lacking an eye and even if he was it’d still be hidden behind a dashing eyepatch instead of grotesquely displayed as a sign of his lacking morality.

BUT WAIT! IT DOESN’T EVEN END THERE!

The Arcana Exploits The App Business Model To Price Their Full Game at $500, $1000 if the three extra routes make it out, and they never delivered their Kickstarter rewards:

tl;dr: you heard me

the original price per route was planned on being $1.99

they took that “subject to change” really seriously, it seems, because now each route, once the game is fully out, is estimated to cost around $170 each.

both those screenshots are taken from this post which explains in detail just how truly scummy all of The Arcana’s business model and decisions are: https://mysticmicrotransactions.tumblr.com/post/174308723344/dishonesty-from-the-arcana

the tl;dr is basically what’s listed in the beginning of this section, but other highlights from that post are: the use of addictive gambling mechanics such the Wheel of Fortune, and the dazzling calls to action in the new mini-game.

something that The Arcana supporters forget (or choose to ignore) is the fact that for a long, long time the game did not have the mini-game or the log-in rewards for coins. Players depended only on the gambling of the WoF or paying absurd amounts of money for the new chapters.

the devs went from playing the victims who were unable of controlling prices to (as spoken of in the link from mysticmicrotransactions) saying the making of the game (a pathetic little app game backed by a studio and a kickstarter) justifies the prices

they also gave people false hope about maybe changing the prices in the future, all while bleeding money from loyal players in “micro” transactions

the arcana literally added a $99.99 coins option on their latest update

in case it hasn’t sunk in yet: you can pay a hundred dollars upfront to the arcana, and you still will not have access to the whole game

there is no defense to this

none

“it’s free stop whining” let me explain:

“spend months on end accumulating fake currency or pay hundreds of dollars up-front to be able to play” is a scummy business model no matter how you look at it

if i can spend $60 upfront to play an AAA game there’s no excuse to demand more than that for a game with much smaller and, honestly, inferior content

the combination of there being already far and few games featuring lgbt characters and characters of color AND the little cult of personality set up by Dana and Elle makes people feel that spending money to support them is an acceptable expense.

it’s not

manipulating people into spending ridiculous amounts of money and then claiming “it’s their choice” is just scummy business, baby, and thats all the arcana does

the devs are brats who instead of admitting $500 is absurd for a game instead write petty little caricatures into their game - like, lbr: dana, elle, if i could afford diamonds in my hair i wouldn’t have even bothered with your shitstain of a game

despite bragging that ppl would get the full story w/o needing to pay, the paid scenes are pretty much required - the first few books of julian’s route have no romance without accessing any of the paid options. you dont even get so much as a kiss in without handing coins over. many, many people were baffled when julian had a teary break-up scene when from their perspective they hadn’t even started building a relationship.

wow that’s more than i ever thought it’d be

and i’ve been aware of their bullshit for near a whole year now!

i don’t have much of a note to end this on, other than: the arcana just isn’t even that good. it suffers from weak writing, pathetic character development and above all actually harmful content. do not try to argue with me on any of these points unless you’ve read all of that, because whatever you have to say i’ve likely mentioned before. if you still are that determined to yell at a me on the internet, please preface your argument with the phrase “I’m a pee pee poo poo man” so I know you’ve read everything in here. thank you!

[dgcatanisiri]

I’m probably just repeating myself on the subject of Dorian/BioWare’s queer male rep here, so feel free to ignore this, I just need to vent some steam on the subject, usual tags are in play here if you want to just silence this stuff.

On a conceptual level, I understand the reasons why Dorian is looked at so positively. He’s a main character in a AAA game, a character whose sexuality is a part of his portrayal in a way that makes it clear WHY he’s not a romance for female characters instead or in addition to. There’s even at the least an attempt at making him more of a rounded character than just being defined by his sexuality.

But I just... DON’T. CARE. for this character as an individual. On a personality level. I find him obnoxious at best, would never move beyond the ‘friend of a friend’ point in my interactions with him, is not someone who I want to spend my time around. All that BEFORE he becomes the worst boyfriend in Trespasser, telling the Inquisitor that they’re now going to have a long-distance relationship (meaning that they don’t even discuss this, he is dictating terms to the man he supposedly loves, and no one at BioWare even thought this might be objectionable). I don’t like Dorian, and nothing can change that at this point.

And, in the way that Inquisition set up its romances, that effectively locks me out of romances, since I’m uncomfortable at best with Bull’s romance - I’m ace, I’m not in the dom/sub style relationships, so Bull literally does not provide what I want (I feel like he COULD, but that wasn’t offered, so...). And so in a game where I theoretically and on paper have choices, I get NOTHING instead.

I know, these are my issues, my problems. But the fact that if I lead with “I don’t like Dorian,” I still feel like I’m sticking my head in a noose for the fandom at large to pull the lever is... It’s many things, but I’m going to stick with a singular word of “aggravating” for right now.

Because I DO understand why fandom would be protective of a gay character in this position. I really do. Hell, I genuinely did start out in that position - go back to the period of my first run through Inquisition in my ‘dg plays dragon age’ tag (it’s like hundreds of pages back now, but...), I romanced him. I was excited. Hell, pre-release, I was excited for what he offered.

But the thing is, I look at him now, with the luster worn off, I don’t see the character that I wanted him to be. I find him a retread of gay characters I’ve seen dozens of times over. Because all his story in the game really cares about is showing him as suffering the most standard story gay people get in media, the “my family couldn’t accept me because of this” story. And... I really don’t need that. Not after seeing every gay character in media I can think of face this.

And I mean, I get it, there’s a reason people stay closeted. Hell, there’s a reason I am not out to the majority of my family (I live in Kansas, I have farm family - I even have a distinct feeling that one of my relatives, who is in like his forties/fifties and isn’t married, is gay, but is content to do the ‘don’t ask, I won’t tell’ thing with the rest of the family, because he still lives in that area). I understand WHY this is still a story that gets a lot of play. And I know that, to the struggling person - not even just kids, there are grown ass adults I know connect to this - who hasn’t come to terms with themselves, it does have meaning.

My issue is just... I have seen this story. I KEEP seeing this story. Even freaking GLEE, where everyone KNEW that Kurt Hummel was gay because from the pilot on, the character was dressed as flamboyantly as possible, had this story, even if it came early - it was still a well they tapped.

And to me, that story getting repeated, over and over, loses its power and impact. It even becomes a weight - this is such a repeated story, all it ends up being for me is a reminder of how HARD it is to be queer. That being queer is, in and of itself, a cause for angst and pain and hardship.

And I just think of what things were like for the version of me who was scared of this part of himself. And what I see is that if all he was getting in his representation of being gay, being queer, is the pain and hardships of being gay, it would just push him further into the closet.

I don’t see empowerment in characters like Dorian, overcoming homophobia. I just see YET. ANOTHER. instance where a queer person faces pain because they dared to try and live openly as themselves. As a reduction to where their queerness is the only thing that they contribute to the narrative, because that’s all that the time the camera focuses on them wants to offer as characterization. That, by making this Dorian’s personal quest, the point where we the players get to spend time learning more about him as a person, the game is saying this is all that it wants you to remember about him, that he’s gay.

And we get that again with Steve Cortez - his time in ME3, despite the fact that the writing of his story wouldn’t need any change if he’d lost a wife, is SOLELY devoted to him getting over this loss, to how he is stuck in that pain, there’s very little done to establish who he is outside of his loss and pain - and then yet AGAIN with Gil, who is being pushed to a heteronormative lifestyle, even though he ISN’T heterosexual. And, like I’ve been over plenty, his writing in Andromeda doesn’t even REALIZE that it’s in the wrong to be pushing him like this.

And all these characters are so dependent on their sexualities as a part of their characterization, being a focal point for how their narratives treat them. If you changed their sexualities, they would need MASSIVE rewrites. Even Cortez, who, yeah, you could make Robert “Roberta,” but if you removed his prior marriage, which, in ME3, is literally about 90% of his characterization... Still needs a new story. Even if it had thematic relevance to ME3′s story of war... In context with his fellow gay men? That doesn’t exactly set him apart.

BioWare offers NUMERIC representation. but when it comes to offering representation that isn’t just “here’s a gay, they talk about gay things, that’s all you need, right?”... No, that’s not all I need.

I need a queer person, a gay person, specifically a male character (I mean, we could talk about BioWare’s handling of F/F characters while we’re here, but I’ve been going on for a while now, this is probably long enough as it is without opening THAT can of worms) who ISN’T defined by the fact that he is a gay person.

Because I’m not. Like, yeah, I talk about it a lot here on Tumblr, and that’s at least part because this is a safe place - here, anyone who’s going to judge me for being queer - being VOCALLY queer - can be blocked and ignored with no problem. But off Tumblr? I have PLENTY of other things that generate potential angst. This isn’t all that defines me.

But this is what defines my representation in BioWare games. And, like I’ve been over recently, I see at least part of it as just the basic generational gap between me and BioWare writers. But that just leads me to where I have no idea how to resolve this issue. Because unless they fit more people at the writer’s table, or established hands leave so they can be replaced - and specifically by younger queer writers who recognize this - I don’t see how this problem fixes itself.

Because they’re going to keep telling the stories they think need telling. And, again, I’m not discounting that the stories selected for... Well, for Dorian and Cortez, at least, I’m never forgiving the bullshit surrounding Gil’s story and how it reduces him to an accessory for a character who is only in the game for like two minutes tops. But... I need different stories.

And the thing is, no one is offering them. My go-to metaphor here is that while they’re focusing on tossing the life preserver to the people actively drowning, I’m still getting pulled out to sea. It’s not that they don’t need help, or I don’t understand why they would be the first focus. But it feels like ignoring that I’m not getting what I need because the perceived need of someone else is “greater,” that I “can wait,” that I’m less “in need,” because I’m not in the position traditionally viewed as being most at risk of self-harm by being without that representation.

Which... At best, it’s cold comfort. At worst, it actively drags you down further that hole, because it leads to that feedback loop of “I’m not important enough to be represented. I don’t really need it as much, I can get by in my own little dark pit.”

And I get that there’s no simple, one step solution. This is something that is caused by factors way beyond just BioWare themselves. I don’t necessarily fault the writers as individuals or anything for only doing so much - I’m aware that they have to make compromises that are imposed on them from on high, and that it’s very likely that if they didn’t have that looming specter of answering to some corporate suit - and corporate suits are, by their nature and definition, conservative at best - they’d offer more, so they try and hit the broad spectrums more than the specific niche, that ANY queer character ends up in a double bind because of the barren landscape they’re posed against, so that everyone wants them to be everything, and get upset when they aren’t.

Just... This is the situation I’m in now. This is the state of affairs that I’m stuck in. Right now, BioWare offers the best options available, but even “best options available” fails to work for me. And that’s... damn disheartening.