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#and i dont have another counseling appt for three ish weeks so uhhh
piplupod · 2 months
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#i just wish someone would look at me and Know that im not doing well fjfkdl#struggling so hard to stop myself from taking self destructive action against myself bc boy howdy i just want to fuck myself up#and then maybe someone would look at me and go ''hey u dont look like ur doing so well - do u need anything?''#but thats never worked in the past and theres that whole thing of ''if u want help u need to ask for it''#unfortunately. asking doesnt seem to work very often. i seem to have to Show people somehow that im not okay. like prove it to them#both medical ppl and my family fjfkdl#so here i am again trying to stop myself from [redacted] bc I shouldnt have to prove to anyone that im not okay#honest to god idk who to even talk to about anything. like the workers at the centre are not counselors/therapists#and i dont have another counseling appt for three ish weeks so uhhh#but im kind of like... i need smth idk. i feel like im on the verge of some kind of really bad breakdown#i cannot keep going on the way i currently am - that much is clear.#but idk what can change really. other than getting the girl to give me space fjfkdl#but the bugs and the abuse and the exhaustion and the food will all continue to exist just the same#nothing can be done about any of that! RIP!#i think honestly i just want a good long hug fjdkdl im just so scared and tired fjfkdl and tired of being scared tbqh#oh well !!! i cannot want for what i cannot have! wants don't exist unless i can fulfill it myself easily! otherwise theyre not allowed!!!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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