#and i don't think i've ever read something that's provided this much warmth in me

[s1mpl3sp0ng3]

reading crying at h mart might have rewired my brain chemistry a little bit

[matryosika]

Untitled #9

Wordcount — 1,618 words

Includes — Fem!reader, mentions of contraceptives, unprotected vaginal sex. Dubcon elements (but it is all explained in detail), mentions/fantasies of creampies, use of petnames (baby).

Author's note — Just a little something! I've had this thought for a while now, and I wanted to put it out there. Despite the dubcon elements of it, I really picture both parties being super into it with full consent —for this, the male character just puts up a fight because he considers things risky, but deep down he wants it just as bad. With that in mind, read this if you have no problem whatsoever with some dubcon. If it's not your cup of tea, just scroll!

Just thinking about a forced creampie with Chan.

He had been pretty vocal about how badly he wants to fuck you raw and come inside you, but the overly-reasonable, almost persecutory part of him doesn't let him get loose. Whenever he thinks about coming inside of you, he can't help but also overthink everything that could go wrong.

“Maybe I just need a little push, you know?” He told you right after you asked him what was stopping him from fulfilling his fantasies. “I tend to get too into my head, maybe I should just- I don't know, go for it in the heat of the moment”.

But even in the heat of the moment, Chan holds back. The amount of self-control he has is crazy, so as much as he wishes to get loose, he never manages to do so on his own.

You come up with a plan, but you first make sure that he is on the same page as you —that he wants this just as much as you. So you ask him just that, and the response you get is enough for you to proceed.

“I think about it at least twice a day,” Chan confessed. “I mean, not a day goes by without me thinking about how pretty your pussy would look leaking with my cum”.

So you start off slow —first, you convince him to fuck you without a condom, fully raw. He pulls out every fucking time, much against his lust's will, but you don't mind. At least not when you can now feel every inch of him, every thickness of his veins and the warmth of his bulge. And now, he gets to feel you too —like fully feel you. From your soft walls squeezing his dick, to the sticky arousal that drips out of you.

It doesn't take long for him to get addicted to that feeling, though —despite him “wanting to take things slow”, he soon becomes obsessed and the idea of using a condom ever again is discarded by Chan himself.

So it all starts off with fucking you raw, and it eventually ends up one night with you offering that much needed push to finally allow himself go.

You're on top of him, straddling his lap while his cock reaches the deepest spots inside your pussy. You can feel him twitching inside of you, and if that isn't enough confirmation that he is seconds away from coming, the grimaces of pain and pleasure along with the veins popping on his temple and neck definitely are.

His hands are bruising your hips pretty bad while he guides your movements on top of him —roughly grinding yourself against him, squeezing your walls to provide him with the stimulation he needs to come.

“Just like that,” he groans biting down his lower lip with furrowed eyebrows and eyes closed shut, “come on, fuck yourself on my cock just like that. Make me come”.

Coincidentally, you're trying to do just that. So when he bents his legs against the mattress, and his hands try to push your body away from his, you don't stop.

“Baby,” he groans out your name, whincing in pain the longer he tries to hold his orgasm back, “'m gonna- fuck, I'm close”.

You lean down over his body, placing chaste kisses along his jaw and neck, “give it to me, Chan”.

He squeezes his eyes shut, just as his body stiffens underneath yours, “move, baby”.

“Inside,” you whimper, shaking your head into the crook of his neck. “Come inside”.

Chan's back arches a little, just as he struggles to maneuver your body, but it's all useless —he doesn't have the strength to push you away, and he doesn't want to.

“No, baby,” Chan hisses, gripping your hips as rough as he can. “I can't- please, let me pull out”.

“Come on, Chan,” you plead into his ear, biting his earlobe while your walls clench around his girth, “I know you want to”.

He lets out a painful, exasperated groan in an attempt to hold back the pent up tension between his legs —you can see he is really trying his best not to come.

“Please,” you leave one last wet kiss on his neck before straightening up your body, going from grinding against his cock to fully bouncing on it, “please, come inside me. I need it”.

Chan swears he is going to lose his mind. Between the feeling of your cunt clenching around him, the sight of your pretty body bouncing on top of his, and the lewd words and moans that are leaving your lips, Chan is sure he isn't going to last any longer.

“Let me pull out,” he tells you once again, with no intention of ever wanting you to stop. At this point, Chan still puts up a fight because he doesn't want to give in too easily. But honestly, he is not interested in winning that fight whatsoever, “'m gonna come, baby”.

You press your hands against his chest and increase the pace of your movements, forcing his body underneath yours while caging it with your legs on each side of his body.

His face is flushed, and the painful grimaces and groans he lets out can only warn you that he might not resist any longer.

“Come for me,” you insist, digging your nails on the flesh of his chest, “please, fill me up”.

At one point, he just gives in to his dirtiest fantasies and carnal pleasures. Who is he to deny himself? You're begging for something that only he can give you, and he fucking will.

So the painful moans turn into primal ones, instictual and animalistic. He opens his eyes and stare at you, his hands going from your hips to your neck, choking you ever so slightly as you ride him to his high.

Not only that, but his hips start fucking into yours from underneath —if he is going to come inside you, he is going to have it his way. Meaning he is going to be the one in control, not you.

Your whole body trembles at the unexpected thrusts, and it doesn't take you long to feel a warm, almost hot sensation filling you up.

“You wanted me to come inside you?” He asks through gritted teeth, snapping his hips against yours while your whole body goes limp. Chan hugs you tightly in place, preventing his dick from sliding out of you, “you better not fucking waste it, then”.

He milks himself inside you with each thrust, letting out deep grunts of pleasure in between.

“Chan,” you gasp when you feel his cum oozing out of your pussy and around his cock, all while he is inside you, “fuck”.

Even after a few seconds, he feels he isn't done yet —he is still throbbing and pulsating inside your walls, and he just can't stop shooting his cum into you. This is the first time he comes like this, and it is as painful as it is pleasurable.

“It's dripping out of me,” you murmur when he finally slows down, looking down to where your bodies connect —it's messy, but neither of you can begin to care. At least not when it feels this good to be filled.

Chan lets out a deep exhale, his chest moving frantically as he tries to catch his breath. He feels defeated, and weak, but at the same time he can't wrap his head about how good it fucking felt to finally let go, to be able to fuck you full of his cum until it dripped out of your tight hole.

So much so, that the idea of pulling out and coming anywhere else it's just not an option any more.

And just like he got addicted to fucking you raw, he might be addicted to stuff you full of his cum now too.

He just needed a little push.

[marciaillust]

hey, i hope you're doing great! i feel this may be unorthodox, but i really wanted to reach out to extend my engagement?— awe?— solidarity?— (some variant of those, anyways) with your most recent "workposting" art. i don't normally do this. I've maybe sent 3 asks in my whole life. there's no pressure to respond to this, as i mostly just wanted to cheer you on. also, I'm really sorry this is so long.

i only just recently landed my very first freelance art job, at a start-up company dedicated to making comics + DND inspired art content. I've always felt that "Its nothing to call home about", and so i really resonated with your feelings regarding your work for Brawl Stars. I felt kind of ashamed of my job, that its just a small start up— that I'm not enough and that i should be trying harder, or something like that. Specifically i resonated with your comment of "presenting brawl stars art feels like showing my anime girl oc to an art teacher" and i don't think i could have solidified any better.

Anyways. all's to say. I really found your work quite jaw-dropping. I was shocked when i read it was for Brawl Stars. I didn't know anything about it, but when i did some research i was even more amazed. they're really, really compositionally beautiful... i mean, i know its just "work" to you ultimately, but it really does feel lively, and everything about it makes it feel like you care. I think sometimes you're just able to tell when an artist genuinely cares about their work; about its end outcome. there's so many intricacies. and a lot of attention to detail. you kept the style that was necessary of you but i also can feel the warmth and the care of the artist behind it— its not corporate, or stale, it doesn't come across as "just work".

since you mentioned League, i genuinely do think it serves an equal purpose and weight to what League of Legends would produce. from a biased standpoint, i would actually value your work more. Its not even that its "more obtainable"/"more realistic" but that there's genuinely more feeling to it. Compositionally/artistically, yeah, League makes great stuff, but occasionally, the feeling or the sense of warmth and care from the creator of the art is lost along the way. I value seeing the artist within their own art a lot, which is why I've admitted to a degree of bias. either way. what you put out there is really gorgeous, and crazy impressive.

I know a stranger with a dumb, fandom-oriented art blog cant solve the self-indited art elitism (you and me both, man💀) and that you've already received plenty of love/reblogs saying similar things, but i wanted to extend my feelings anyways. Its really heart-warming, i guess. It brings me hopefulness, and deep adoration for the craft. I'm not very good with words. Anyways. don't undersell yourself. seeing your work meant more to me than you can imagine. I'm obviously nowhere near your skill level, but it meant more to me as an aspiration. i think that regardless of who you work for, your work is really valuable and downright incredible. because you bring that sense of warmth, care, time, and patience regardless of the media it portrays. and you're able to do that while being objectively talented— utilizing great compositions, colour pallets, shading, characterization, mood, etc. That is more valuable. That is much much cooler than working for Riot. imo.

Initially, i also wanted to ask you some questions about how you assembled your portfolio, if you went to school, (if so) what it did/didn't provide for you going into the art field, and just how you landed the job in general. But i respect you and your time, and wouldnt want to be a burden or anything. If you ever have time for it, i would love to ask them, among others, and we can chat in DM if you'd prefer. Absolutely no pressure. Im happy just watching from the sidelines. I dont anticipate anything from you to begin with! I just hope youll know how influential your post was to read & see, to someone like me!

Oh man. I. How. Where do I even start except

This is one of the most uplifting, touching and encouraging messages I received in my life. I read it thrice. And I still can't believe how full of love it is. This is such high praise, I want you to know I will cherish it and carry it with me for a long long time. It's not often that an artist gets to learn how their art is perceived, not to mention in such a positive light. It really means a lot to me.

It makes me so happy to hear that my work illustrations retain a piece of me that is visible to others. I myself can't see it, but I imagine my closeness to the matter at hand heavily impacts my ability to see objectively at all. There was a time where I was worried that work was overriding the me that makes my art mine, that I was becoming a corporate rendering machine and that what I did at work (the shape language and style) was bleeding into my personal art. There is a part of me that is now breathing easier after reading your message. I would love to answer any questions you have, it's the least I can do to repay you! Feel free to send an ask or even an email, I'll try to be as thorough as I can be with my answers. I wish you happy holidays! Take care! And again thank you so much for taking the time to write this message!

[dokeythings]

| it’s too late | (dokyeom)

*tried something different. it’s depressing, this is your fair warning🤧*

DK Pov:

the rain slamming into the windshield is still somehow not loud enough to snap me out of my thoughts. the threatening grey cloud was behind me when i slammed my car door and drove away hours ago, and since then the sun has set and the gates of hell have opened up. i squint my eyes as the lights from the passing cars blind me, their shapes disappearing and only bright orbs remain. i should slow down, 95 mph is too fast in these conditions, i know that. my foot has other plans, being driven by my outraged mind. it continues pushing down on the gas pedal.

the fight replays like a film in my head, every moment torturing me in perfect detail. her raised voice ringing in my ears, and the words sticking to my heart like thorns. it all got out of hand so fast. i didn't even have time to think, only throw out rash words and reactions back.

a loud ding rips through the car, the light from my phone lighting up my face. its from her, i read the preview.

'please just come home, you're scaring me. its not safe out there'

funny. now she's going to care about me? i don't know why its possible now but wasn't possible for the last few months. she's felt like a ghost, like she's been right in front of me but so incredibly out of reach. a chill followed wherever she went, the warmth she used to provide me being stripped from my life without any warning. no acknowledgment. no apologies. just a ghost left among the living. i zone out again.

~~~

"i have been here! i've been here the whole fucking time!" she yells.

liar.

"you left a long time ago. i don't even know you anymore y/n! you come home from work and its quiet dinner alone, then lights out. you spend your weekends working or with your friends. you never ask about my day despite me constantly caring about yours. theres no more going on dates and no more coming home to sweet surprises on the kitchen counter. you don't come to watch my practices anymore. you don't ask about the guys or how they're doing, even though they are everything to me and you know that 95% of my daily life is with them. its like you never want to be alone with me. you barely even touch me! jesus do you even love me anymore?" i yell.

"of course i fucking do! i have other things to do besides sit here all day and dote over you dokyeom, i'm sorry if that upsets you" she scoffs, throwing her hands up.

"you used to love hanging out with me. you used to be the most romantic person i had ever met, all my friends were so happy for me that i finally found someone who wanted that as much as i did. now they keep asking me if we are even together anymore. i don't understand what happened. why am i invisible now?"

"maybe you should just tell them we aren't together anymore then, make it easier for them" she replies, her eyes turning a dark shade i've never seen before. i don't know where she's gone, but she's not the woman i fell in love with. i know she's still in there somewhere.

is this really it? just like that?

~~~

the rain pours down harder, if that's even possible. the wheels no longer have a grip on the ground, but for some reason i can't seem to care. just keep driving, i think. just keep driving until everything goes away. life's been hurting too much. i would prefer numbness at this point. constantly having to be the happy one is exhausting. being the one who lightens up the mood. the one who checks on everyone else before myself. the one who goes home to a girlfriend who has nothing to give me anymore.

i'm alone.

the wheel jerks in my hands, my heart races, but i gain control quickly.

another text chimes in. if its her, i don't want to read it. but my eyes dart over to the name.

seungkwan.

i smile blissfully for a moment. they are something worth living for. the memories i've had with them swirl through my head. i grew up with them, i came alive with them. they are everything i have. when y/n's light left my life, theirs never dimmed. live for them, i think.

why is your location off? y/n is freaking out.

another chime.

okay, WE'RE freaking out! all of us. please come home you're scaring us a lot

despite all my efforts, i'm sure they have noticed my aura being off recently. my smiles appear a little less, my jokes being few and far between. i try to keep them happy as best i can, but i'm sinking as i do so. i'm drowning while keeping everyone else afloat.

y/n.

my second other half of me.

my mind drifts to the years of memories we've had before the last few agonizing months. they were perfect, absolutely perfect. she showed me parts of myself i never knew i had. my blood is still boiling, but my lips curve up against their will. i love her so much.

but she doesn't love me anymore. she ended it. all those years and growth gone in a minute.

the car slides over the rain, a car beeps at me when i cross over to their lane.

a new sound rings out from my phone. y'n is calling me. my hand reaches up to answer before my brain can aid me against it.

immediately she speaks, her voice straining and hoarse in a way i've never heard before.

"baby? baby oh my god thank god you fucking answered. where are you? i'm so sorry baby please just come back. let's talk. i don't want to lose you, i love you so much. please come home baby" she cries. from the tone in her voice i can tell she's scared for me. for my mental state. for my impulsivity that sometimes gets the best of me.

the rain is so loud that even over it hitting my car i can hear it pounding on our roof at home through the phone.

our home. the safest place in the world. i won't leave her there alone. we can fix this. this is not going to be one of those moments where i give up. where i take the easy way out.

"i'm coming home" i breath out, forcing myself into the decision. tears threaten my eyes. my throat tightens.

i turn the car around as quickly as i can, speeding up as i head back home. i go even faster now, i can't wait any longer. i'm tired of running. from myself, from her, from everything.

she's still on the phone. neither of us wants to hang up.

it's quiet.

the rain is so heavy that the windshield wipers can't keep up. i can't see. i can't see anything.

pull over. fucking pull over! i don't want to die anymore, i think.

bright lights shine through the window, penetrating the rain drops. i can't even tell where they are coming from.

i squint. i keep driving. i just want to go home.

the lights are brighter now, closer. the rain lets up for a second, and the windshield wipers catch up. the window is clear.

the sound of a horn being laid on pierces my ears. a truck is in front of me. directly in front of me. in my lane.

i don't make a sound, i don't do anything. i can't do anything.

the impact feels like something i could have never even imagined in my worst nightmares. the car spins repeatedly over and over, the sound of the rain luring me into the darkness. then the pain goes away. i feel nothing. i'm numb. god i wish i didn't wish for this numbness. i take it back! is it too late to take it back?

the image of y'n flashes in front of my eyes. i smile once more.

i'm sorry, baby.

everything's black. everything's silent.

"dokyeom?? dokyeom answer me. answer me please! baby! no. NO!!!!" her screams echo through the phone.

it is too late.

[brasideios]

[20 Question Fic Writer Tag]

tagged by @findusinaweek - Thank you my dear 🤍

How many works do you have on AO3? 16 atm

What is your AO3 word count? 451,021 words

What fandoms do you write for? Assassin's Creed Odyssey & Valhalla, Stardew Valley, Ancient History & Historical RPF, Thucydides' History of the Peloponnesian War (Yes, I insist this is a true fandom lol), and Hades game (though they aren't on AO3 atm). Oh, I also wrote a AC Syndicate fic ages ago which I still have somewhere.

What are your top five fics by kudos? Snatched Moments (ACV); The Warmth of Home (ACO); Another Turn Around the Wheel (Stardew); Unfinished Business (ACO); and The Gods Only Know (ACV).

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Absolutely. I know exactly how hard it can be to leave comments, and I think it's important to acknowledge that - from the single love heart to the genuinely long comments (like several paragraphs) - I want to show my appreciation. Also, I get loads of historical questions, and I'm always so excited to answer those.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Rising to the Surface, hands down... Though come to think of it, The Good Spartan is a close second.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of them end well, but I think my current fic is going to be the most traditionally happily ever after... probably. If not, then Another Kind of Odyssey wins.

Do you get hate on fics? Not really - though I've had the ol' 'You owe me an ending, I read this far!' before.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yeah, mlm mostly; but I don't think I'm particularly good at it, so the story really has to demand it for me to go there.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I mean, technically The Good Spartan is a Thucydides/Odyssey crossover, favouring Thucydides - but unless trying to make a game which is almost entirely historically inaccurate [affectionate] into something accurate is crazy... which yeah, now that I write that, I think it probably is :D

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? No - I have tried writing collaboratively in non-fic projects, but it's not for me.

What's your all-time favourite ship? I could not possibly choose one.

What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will? Crawling Kingsnake, my Hades game fic. I really like what I have so far, but my brain has moved on and I can't see myself getting back into that mindframe again.

What are your writing strengths? So just from what others have said of my writing, off the top of my head, I'm good at: conveying a lot of information clearly and succinctly; drawing out the signficance of small everyday moments; writing non-conformist characters and *waves a hand vaguely* the historical stuff.

What are your writing weaknesses? I have a penchant for interiority in my characters that I have to fight against, or there would be far too much thinking in every chapter. I use 'in a moment' so much I have to do a word search every time and remove a billion instances where it's not necessary; and I don't use contractions naturally, so editing is a lot of fixing that.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I mean, I'd do it if I could, but my language skills don't stretch that far. More broadly, I'm fine with it in other work if a translation is provided .

First fandom you wrote for? Assassin's Creed Odyssey technically, if we're talking knowing it was fanfic as I was writing it; though back when I was 6 I wrote a story heavily inspired by Gone with the Wind so... Gone with the Wind, I guess. (Or LOTR when I was in my teens...)

Favourite fic you've ever written? The Good Spartan and Shadow-Twin, maybe?

Tags with zero pressure @krankittoeleven (you knew it was coming lol) @ainulindaelynn @myriath @merelyafigment @softest-punk and anyone else who might want to jump in 🤍

[hyperionshipping]

Dear Tricks,

Hello! It's been ages since I sat down to properly write a letter and for the longest time, I didn't have a good reason to attempt to write one but of course like usual, you provide me with so much opportunity to do something new. You provide so much in my life- joy, warmth, and so much pride; hearing you call me ‘Dad’ is always such a lovely experience.

I hope you know I've been thinking of you- I always think of you when we're apart, don't ever think for a single nanosecond that I don't! I know things have recently been rather challenging in your life. You've got so much to juggle, and although it's stressful, I hope you know I believe in you. You can do anything you set your mind to, you know. You've proven this to me time and time again over the course of how long I've had the privilege of calling you my son. I'm so proud of you; I couldn't be more proud of you. You have put up with so much and you've been working so hard to handle what life has given you. I wish I could take it all away for you but I believe in you and your ability to tackle and overcome life's next biggest challenge. Know I'll be there right behind you, encouraging and doing my best to protect you however way I can.

Do this for me- next time you feel overwhelmed, try and acknowledge the following- 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. I promise you, by taking a couple minutes to do what I've instructed you'll find peace when all you think is available is more stress. It's what I do when a chaotic or stressful situation hurls itself my way and I've the time to do so. Funny thing, time- my greatest wish for you is that it is most kind to you.

Say, how about you and I go stargazing soon? I'd love to make us some hot cocoa and sit awhile with the stars keeping us company. Let me know when would be best for you along the time-line you're in and I'll be there faster than you can say ‘geronimo’.

Sincerely,

The Doctor

Oh dad,, I've been holding onto this for a few days now because I just keep re-reading what you said. Thank you. I miss you so, so, much. I'd love to go stargazing again. I'll let you know when's a good time. I hope your adventures without me haven't been too fun-- I don't wanna miss out on anything cool!

I'll remember those grounding techniques. I didn't know the Doctor did those! Sometimes even I believe you're always levelheaded. Always know what's happening.

Just keep watching over me, okay? Please? I look at the stars a lot, thinking that somewhere out there you're looking right back at me. It's a big comfort.

I love you! So!! Much!!! I've grown so much with you, I couldn't ask for a better dad. You've shown me so much. Thank you

[wonderlustdevine]

01.12.2025

I'm using this as a place to journal where I don't need to be at a table or something the way I do with my physical journal. I love that medium but with my life and setup being what it is that's not always achievable.

Anyways, I'm all for the cold, until that's all you can feel. There's a difference between the cold you feel walking outside in the first snow of the season--it's all superficial, you can easily warm yourself up with a coat or hot chocolate--and the cold you feel in solitude. It lingers in your soul. Not one escape from the icy grasp that it has on your bones. You can try to reach for warmth in any way you can; reaching out to people you talk to, posting things so that someone anyone sees the pain you're in, but nothing ever feels like enough.

Something I always told myself growing up is that I would never let someone feel the way I have always felt. Isolated, different, unlikable, or gross. It seems not everyone feels this way. I know I've grown, but there was a time not all that long ago where if I out of the blue messaged people "I love you guys :)" my phone would have been blowing up with people worried about me. Now all I get is a couple responses and some even leaving me on read. Now I know my feelings about this are likely stemming from some form of undiagnosed BPD, but none the less, if I would've jumped for you had you said that to me, why won't you do the same? Is there something so fundamentally wrong with me that even just checking in on how I am is too much work?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay I think I'm better now. I took a break to eat a sandwich, but to erase that feels wrong, because that is still how I feel, I just have more reason now.

I got almost everything figured out for my clearances for school, all I have left is to go to my appointment on Friday to get fingerprinted, and to call the campus health center to see if they're open tomorrow for me to get a TB test.

I'm so grateful for all of the opportunities my college provides in terms of getting different experiences and chances to go to conferences. I am also so grateful for what my job has given me. Because of my job, I was able to afford a MacBook for school. Before I was just using my iPad, but I was unable to take an online class over this break because it was only accessible on a computer device and I didn't have access to one.

Aaaaanyways. I should head to bed now, I move back to campus tomorrow and I am so excited.

-WD

Currently Watching --- Grey's Anatomy S6E2 "Goodbye"

[resmarted]

i have gotten an uncontrollable amount of attention my entire life and any attempt to redirect the energy or take control of the narrative or regain some type of power over what is ultimately out of my hands has proven to be more fuel to a fire that provides me no warmth. i have been on some level, namely locally, famous since i was born. everyone can identify me when i walk into a room. if you've seen me once you remember me for the rest of your life. it's a blessing and a curse and a curse and a curse that i've very much attempted to transmute back into a blessing in various ways over the years. the fact of the matter is no matter what kind of tribe i find that has similar interests or talents or ways of attracting attention, it is a very solidary lifestyle that very few people if any at all have ever been able to really relate to. and this is no one's fault. this is like a very specific niche thing i have dealt with my entire life. my wins don't count because of who i am and i am not allowed to celebrate too loudly because if i am prideful or opinionated or honest i am automatically boastful and conceited and i must think i'm better than everyone else. people forget that i've spent far more of my life being unable to walk past the front door than being able to stand front and center to face the onlookers directly. i think i have had to live this life for so long i've had no choice but to do it as fearlessly as possible to the point where it's a little too convincing, because i'd rather be scary than scared and i'd rather seem fearsome than fearful, and now i am an enigma that is unapproachable and reproachful all at once. i am defaulted into this mystery personality designed from rumors engineered by people who don't even necessarily interact with me but choose to fill in the blanks as they see fit. it's been nearly forty years of this, in many different rooms and many different groups of people. you get used to the revolving door of social circles and the weird reactions to any level of success that arrives without the exhaustive politicing involved or traditional roads most people take to get there. i am not most people. it's something i was forced to accept and embrace at an early age and am still penalized for on a regular basis. i really need you to understand that whatever level of personal you are taking my approach to weaving in and out of social scenes is not as serious as it may feel, and that i am notoriously unreachable and self-protective to a degree most people find inconceivable. i have a very limited capacity for energetic exchanges and when i do i prefer it to be as light and fun as possible, and even then, i get pooped! i am bigfoot i come out three times a year and you either got to be one of the few that were around to tell the tale or you heard about it from someone who knows someone who knows someone that saw it happen. i spend my life in a glass case on display where people mostly pretend not to look, both online and off, and there has been a wild amount of time devoted to discussing me by people i've never had a single conversation with. i'm sorry if i'm a smidge untrusting! i can hear tones and read expressions and am well aware of what is happening between the lines. i don't squint at a gaslight, i just look directly through and try to remember we are all very broken people who are different levels of damaged that made us treat each other this way, and i walk away trying to continue evolving from there.

[voirists]

—the way I sprinted (read: jogged. i am really not much of a runner) home so I could read this. My heart is still a bit all over the place, but I am happy to report that it's not due to my complete lack of stamina anymore. (ahem... Javi Gutiérrez you fucking menace)

This is exactly what I needed tonight. Something sweet, something hot, something that isn't too terribly long (I do love them, but they take energy I don't have tonight). Something Javi.

Javi is one of my favourite characters of Pedro. There's just something that really gets me going, you know what I'm saying? There's this sweetness, this softness, this warmth about him—that's just so Javi and it makes me fall in love a little more every time I think about him.

God, he's so fucking precious.

And the way you write him is just... fucking ridiculous, honestly. How dare you. I was not aware I could fall in love with sweet, adorable, fucking hot Javi any more than I already do—and there you go, doing the impossible like it's nothing. I'm not even shocked at this point, I mean, dude, your works just... fuck, they're so good they mess me up in all ways possible, in the fucking best way, and the only reason I have not annoyed you into an early grave with writing stupidly long monologue reviews to every chapter and oneshot of yours I've ever fucking read (I feel like there's honestly not many I'm still missing at this point, and your recommendation lists are one of the best things on this app) is because I'm so fucking tired and exhausted all the time that often, I just don't have the energy to do anything but read and then pass out for a few hours. One day, I'll get my shit together, and write you all the reviews and comments you deserve for giving me these moments of happiness with your writing.

I am indebted to you, because these works of yours have given me so many fucking moments of joy and brought back the desire to write after years of dread settling in every bone of my body whenever I thought about doing that again; and if there is anything you ever need from me ever, that I can provide, know that you will have it.

What I wouldn't give to go and watch horror movies with Javi, and be comforted by him. What a fucking dream. There's something special of going to the movies and have a theater (nearly) completely to yourself. Before moving places, I would get myself a year ticket (or whatever those are called. Pay once, go to the movies all year round kinda thing) and go to this small theater nearly every evening. Used to spend my summers in there, instead of doing normal teenager stuff, so this one hit me with some nostalgia too.

And man, the way you write Javi... everything just feels right. Javi would be worried and sweet about it, and humour you just to give you some comfort. Honestly, I just want to run my fingers through those soft looks and kiss his forehead. What a beautiful, precious man. You make him sweet, and hot as fuck, and your words just make the whole thing play out in my mind like a fucking movie, a little private screening right there in my head. Everything, every word of that just feels like Javi, and it's so fucking perfect I don't even know what to do to with myself.

I love you and your works so fucking much. I hope you have amazing fucking days and wake up happy as fuck tomorrow. I hope your work calls to give you a raise and sun shines just enough that your day is filled the perfect temperature wherever you go. May all sides of your pillow be nice and cool.

𝑻𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑴𝒆

pairing: javi gutierrez x fem!reader

genre: smut, romance, minors dni

word count: 2.9k

summary: living in a small town has its perks, watching a movie completely by yourself in the cinema being one of them. however, this time, you meet a charming stranger willing to comfort you during a horror movie.

warnings: strangers to lovers, very explicit blowjob, public blowjob, soft dirty talk, praise kink, horror movie,brief male masturbation feat. spitting, I say public but no one is really there

Living in a small town can be boring in many ways. There aren’t enough places to visit, you risk seeing someone familiar every time you go out but…it also has its perks too. One of your favorite things to do is to go to your favorite mall. You’ve been going there since you were a kid, it was a constant, comforting presence in your life and it might be dramatic to say, but you had a connection with it. It’s an open mall, which means there’s alot of sunlight and crisp air going around. 

But the best part of it, by far, is the movie theaters. 

It’s almost always empty, sometimes it’s just you in the theater, or a couple more people. It was like a private screening and you loved that. You can’t imagine another place on earth where you could go into a cinema only to view an entire movie by yourself as if you were at home. It’s the best. 

You step into the lobby of the theater, greeted by the familiar sight of movie posters and ticket booths. The air conditioning hits you immediately, providing a refreshing break from the heat of the day outside. 

The smell of fresh popcorn wafts through the air, making your mouth water. You take a moment to peruse the concession stand, eyeing the candy, soda, and various snacks on offer. However, you’re not really feeling up for snacks today so you head to buy your ticket. It’s for a horror film and it’s from one of your favorite directors. You’re feeling giddy, excitement rolling in your stomach. As always, you don’t need to pick a seat because there’s only one other person that’s going to be in there with you, so you can sit wherever you want to. 

After sitting in the lobby for a little while, scrolling through your phone, the kind man you often see (and you presume runs the place) approaches you and says you can head inside now. Thanking him, you do exactly that. 

A chill settles across your skin. In typical fashion, you were fooled by the heat and forgot to bring a jacket for this exact occasion. You shrug it off, eyeing the seats as you step in. This is one of the smaller theaters, which you find even better because it’s cozier. Just as you were told, there was only one other person inside. A man. Your eyes lock for a brief moment. You swear your steps slow, he has kind brown eyes, long lashes that touch his cheek with his every blink. He smiles at you and you find yourself smiling back. In that brief moment, your eyes linger over his broad chest. 

Embarrassed, you quickly avert your gaze and take a seat. Coincidentally you’re sitting in the aisle right behind him, he’s not directly in front of you but across, his gaze fixated on the blank screen. You drop your bag to the side of you, another thing you love about this particular cinema, they have “couple” seats so you basically have a couch you can lounge about for the next two hours.

There’s a minute of silence before the lights go out and the soft glow of the projector fills the room. 

You smile and settle in. You hug yourself, ignoring the gooseflesh of your skin. Right as the commercials begin, you glance at the handsome stranger one last time. Some childish part of you wants to lean over and touch the honey-traced brown locks. They just look so soft. 

You take a sharp breathe. Thank god this isn’t the type of horror movie that has needless sex scenes in it. 

You find yourself getting increasingly sucked into the movie. The sense of unease and foreboding that permeates the film is palpable, and you can feel your heart racing in your chest. Your nails biting into your cold and clammy palms. There are scenes of family dysfunction and grief, of supernatural occurrences that defy explanation. The cinematography is hauntingly beautiful, with shots of the sprawling family home and the surrounding woods that give you chills. 

At one point, a particularly gruesome scene plays out on screen, and you let out a gasp of horror. The man in front of you turns around. Thinking that he must be annoyed, your lips move to form an apology but then you notice the look of concern on his face. Your lips form a kind smile instead, and lifting your hand, you whisper an apology. 

Then it happens again—fuck this movie was really going to make you see nightmares tonight—and he turns around, again. Before you can say anything, he beats you to it. 

“If you're scared, I would be happy to keep you company.” 

You're momentarily taken aback by the offer. Your lips part, a soft noise echoing from the back of your throat. He’s staring at you with amusement now, the corner of his lips twitching. You swallow, wet your bottom lip. You’re about to give him an intelligent answer. 

And just like that the intermission starts, the movie comes to a sudden halt, and soft lights flood the room, hurting your eyes. 

Oh god, he can see your face now—shit. 

You look away and wave your hand in dismissal, “Ah, thank you but that’s okay. I’ll try to keep quiet. I usually don’t get this riled up.” 

He smiles. You sweat that you melt into the cushiony seats at the sight of it. You swallow thickly around the know that formed in your throat. His eyes soften, his smile nothing but kind. 

“I am quite scared too,” he informs. He has a soft baritone, a melodic lilt to his voice. “It is embarrassing to admit.” 

Your eyes flit across his face, then drops to his neck. His sun-kissed skin looks delectable. Heat settles at the end of your spine, a shudder coursing through your veins. He’s too kind to be from here, so he’s likely a tourist. 

You push out your bottom lip and then down to your lap where your fidgeting hands rest. 

“Well…if you’re scared…you can come and sit with me.” 

Your lips draw a tight line as you lift your gaze and meet his eyes. You’re pathetic. Even if he was scared, It’s obvious he was making an excuse on your behalf so you won’t be embarrassed. 

“Thank you, princesa. I am forever in your gratitude.” 

You’re highly aware that he’s humoring you. But it’s hard to care about that when he stands up. You watch as he walks down the aisle, his figure silhouetted against the light from the lobby. He’s much broader and taller than you expected him to be. He reaches your row and with heated cheeks, you quickly pick up your bag to make room for him. The cushions dip with his weight and your mouth floods with saliva. 

You’re not sure you can focus on the rest of the movie like this. 

“I am Javi by the way,” he says, voice low. He extends a hand as you introduce yourself, the inside of his palm is soft and warm and you’d be lying if you didn’t say that you’re fingers lingered. 

For the rest of the film, you're acutely aware of Javi's presence next to you. Every time you jump or gasp, he leans in closer, as if to shield you from the movie itself. You find it rather charming. Javi's arm brushes against yours, you feel a spark of electricity shoot through your body. You try to ignore it and focus on the movie, but you can't help stealing glances at him from the corner of your eye.

Before you know it, he has an arm around your shoulder, fingers feather-light against your bare arm. A loud noise echoes and your breath hitches. Upon hearing you, Javi pulls you closer. 

Javi whispers in your ear, his breath hot against your skin. "Don't worry, I've got you." 

Normally, you wouldn’t dare to get this close to a stranger—and that was what he is; a stranger—but it’s really hard to see him that way when his presence is like a pillar. And it feels rather good to be held during a horror film. Most of your friends don’t enjoy them so you often see them alone, coming out of them needing a hug. 

With another jarring scene being reflected on the big screen, you find yourself seeking solace in the crook of his neck, your nose pressed firm against the thick column. His arm tightens around your tense frame. You might be imagining it, but you think he’s shushing you. It’s not in a cruel way. It’s soft and comforting. His hand moves up and down your arm, spreading warmth along your skin. You jump again when a fleshy sound echoes. This time your lips touch the skin. You feel his pulse and his scent floods your nostrils; a mixture of bergamot and cinnamon— and something so undeniably him. 

“Are you alright?” he asks and you nod, your lips brushing along and following the ridges of a vein that lingers underneath. He’s so warm. So secure. You’re melting against him, forgetting completely that you just met this man and that you’re in the theatre. 

The kiss happens unexpectedly. You have no idea where it comes from, but your lips press into his skin. He feels so soft under the plush of his lips. Javi doesn’t say anything but his body stiffens. A sudden burst of embarrassment warms your cheeks and you start to pull away, only for him to hold you there, his hand coming up to gently cradle your cheek and a part of your neck. 

“It is okay,” he whispers as if someone might hear. “Your lips are very soft. It feels very soothing.” 

You continue to kiss him. Your lips dusting over his neck as you inhale him, engraving him to memory. He shudders. And with a sudden boldness, you lick a stripe down and gently nip the sensitive flesh. He jumps a little, his hand moving to your scalp to softly tug on your hair. The sounds and moving pictures fade into the background. All you can focus on is the heat growing between your legs and the beat of his heart under your tongue. 

Your hand moves to the front of his pants, you cup his length through the fabric and slowly stroke him. 

“Can I?” you ask. 

Your gaze lifts when you hear the whimper that echoes from the back of his throat. Shadows dance along his face, eyes sockets looking deeper than they were. His tongue swipes over his bottom lip and he swallows with a nod. A wolfish grin spreads across your face as you sink down to your knees. He gets comfortable, spreading his legs and allowing you to nestle between his thick thighs. In all honesty, a horror movie doesn’t make for the most romantic backdrop, however, the sight of him cheating his hand down his pants and grabbing himself makes up for it. 

Your breathing short paced and frantic, you help him out of his pants along with his boxers. His cock bobs heavily between his legs, precum smearing against the fabric of his shirt. With shaky hands, Javi unbuttons his polo, only to reveal that his white top underneath has ridden up a little, exposing the swell of his stomach and the soft curls that trail down his belly button. He’s definitely thicker than you imagined. Slowly, you wrap your fingers around the base and give him a firm stroke. A moan that’s a mixture between pain and pleasure hits the back of his teeth. 

“Hermosa,” he says, voice barely audible over the movie. “Let me help you a bit.” 

You draw your brows together, not quite sure what he meant by that. Javi doesn’t give you a moment to put the pieces together. Your eyes still glued to his cock, he spits in his hand and coats himself. You hold your breath and your lungs burn. Without much thought your own hand unbuttoned your jeans, sneaking a hand under the waistband, you stroke between your clothed folds. You’re soaked for him already. 

Javi touches himself gently, his cock glistening under the changing lights of the movie. His length twitches, growing bigger. Again, you swallow. You press two fingers to your aching clit. You gasp a little, which makes his eyes glimmer with amusement. 

“You like watching me?” he asks, palm swiping over the head. “Are you wet? Tell me.” 

Everything about this feels like a fever dream. You’re hald sure you fell asleep during the movie and dreaming all of this. But you’re not. Because when he lets go of his cock and gently cups the underside of your chin with wet fingers, your skin prickles so fast that it almost hurt. You exhale the breath you’ve been holding, your mouth dry like sandpaper. 

“Yes,” you whisper. “I’m soaked for you, Javi.” 

He hums with approval, “Good. That makes me very happy.” 

You’re not sure why hearing that makes your pussy throb, but it does. His smile never fades as he guides you to his cock, his hand sliding to the side of your face to cup your cheek. You part your lips and take the bulbous head of his cock into your mouth. With a pointed tongue, you taste him, and a groan trembles within his chest. You take a deep breath. Despite the hand on your cheek, he’s not forcing you to take more of him. Instead, he looks down at your patiently. His length throbbing on your tongue. Then, when you feel ready, you swallow more of him. Javi’s head falls back, his hips slightly raising off the seat. You purr at the way his blunt nails scratch your scalp

“Your mouth feels amazing,” he gasps and swallows. He follows the praise with a string of Spanish words that you hope have the same sentiment. 

Looking up between heavy lashes, you part from him and drag your wet lips down the side of his length. A thick vein meanders down, twitching with your every move. Your eyes flutter closed as you kiss the curve of his testicles. You flatten your tongue between them, feeling the weight while his cock lays heavy on your cheek. 

“F-Fuck,” he moans, gently grinding and dragging his length down. 

Pulling yourself back up, you take him between your lips once more.  

You're lost in the sensation, the taste of him on your tongue, the weight of him in your mouth. You savor the taste, the musky and slightly salty flavor making your mouth water. You swirl your tongue around the head of his cock, teasing and licking him, feeling him pulse and throb against your lips. You take him deeper into your mouth. You love the way he responds to you, the way his nails bite into your skin and his breath catches in his throat.

With a wicked grin, you pull back and watch as he groans in frustration. "Tease," he breathes out, but there's a hint of amusement in his voice. You just smirk and run your tongue over your lips, giving him a show that is, hopefully, worth missing the movie. 

You use your tongue to trace the veins along his length, feeling the texture of him under your lips. Sliding your mouth up and down his shaft, you feel the heat building between your legs. You're getting wetter and wetter, your body responding to the sounds he’s making. You suck him deeper into your mouth, taking him all the way to the back of your throat, feeling him hit the back of it over and over.

Javi's hips start to move, thrusting gently into your mouth, his cock sliding over your tongue. You love the way he tastes, the way he feels in your mouth. He pulses over your tongue. His breathing growing more ragged and loud. As Javi's thrusts become more urgent, you know that he's close to the edge. You keep your lips wrapped tightly around him, your tongue swirling around the head of his cock, urging him on. And then, with a strangled groan, he starts to spill into your mouth.

You feel the heat of him spreading across your tongue, the taste of him making you moan. Your jaw aches, but still, you keep your mouth wide open for him, swallowing over and over, until he’s dried out. With a gentle tug, Javi signals you to let go and pulls you up onto his lap. 

Before you know it, his lips are on yours, tasting himself on your tongue. 

You moan into his mouth as he slides a hand between your legs, feeling how wet you are for him. He chuckles softly, breaking the kiss to trail hot kisses down your neck and over your collarbone. Your head falls back, your body arching into his touch.

“You weren’t lying,” he says, hot breath fanning your neck. “You are wet for me.” 

You nod frantically, grinding to meet the sinful touch of his fingers. But just as you’re getting used to it, the lights slowly flicker on and when you turn, you notice the credits rolling. 

“Shit,” you hiss, rolling away from him and letting out a breath. Javi is by your side in an instant, the curve of his nose snug against the side of your face. You can’t help but smile. 

“We should buy a ticket for the next one,” he whispers, lips touching your cheek. “Since we missed the ending.”

a/n: So, this was actually inspired by an actual mall we have here. And honestly, the empty cinemas are probably the biggest thing I'm going to miss about this place. It's seriously the best. Sadly tho I never had a javi to comfort me fgbgfbg

Normally yesterday I wanted to see beau is afraid but apparently it's not out in our country yet and is going to be in theaters on june 9th--I'll probably end up watching it online. Anyway since I oculdn't watch beau is afraid, the movie that's actually playing in the background is Hereditary which didn't spook me the first night but def spooked me the second night. And the more I think about it the more I wish Javi si with me lmaodfvdf

Hope you guys enjoyed the cinema filth! sending you all love xx

[ackermanslov4r]

the air was cold but something inside it felt like home somehow

since it’s spring my dumb ass decided to write a “winter” morning fic :)

The first thing Levi felt when he woke up was the cold icy air coming from the open window ; and he mentally cursed himself from forgetting to close it when he went to sleep. He buried his face in the crook of your neck , tightening his grip on your waist as he tried his best to grasp as much of the warmth your body and the blanket that covered it could offer him.

He wasn't the type of person to linger in bed after waking up ; usually , he simply admired you sleeping for a few minutes , and then rose and began his day almost immediately . He always had more things to do than time available , and time wasn't something he was allowed to waist and spend by staying in bed , though he often wish he could act so.

But today , Levi felt lazy . He knew he should wake up and start working , but he was too comfortable with you by his side to even seriously consider the idea. Who would willingly decide to leave the warmth of the bed that was occupied by the person you loved to go into the cold world and bury yourself into reading boring paperwork ? When he quickly understood that the only answer to his question was " no one" , Levi buried his guilt in the back of his mind and decided that , for once , he could enjoy a calm morning with you.

His fingers gently and lightly begun to trace lazy circles over your back , and , as you woke under the slight touch, Levi felt you shiver. Tightening the blanket even closer over your bodies , he placed a kiss on your neck and rose his head so he could look at you , feeling his heart swell at the same time with the feeling of happiness only you could provide him.

"' 'Morning" you muttered, eyes still half closed as you tried to adjust yourself to the light ,your hair a mess around Levi's chest.

Levi loved many things about you , but if he ever had to make a list , your morning face would probably be in the first place. He loved how he was the only one able to witness you like this , but also how you loved and trusted him enough to be able to do so. His hand brushed through you hair, untangling some knots that had former over the night at the same time.

"It's not everyday I get to wake up you with you by my side."

"And do you prefer when I'm here or when I'm at work ?" he asked, a small smile on the face as he looked at you. He didn't think he could ever understand how a single person could make him feel so much emotions , emotions sometimes so bright he wondered if they weren't making him a complete other man.

You gently slapped Levi on the face , laughing at his question. "Do I even need to answer that , or do you just want me to remind you of how in love I am ?"

The word love made Levi's heart fluster ; no matter how long you'd been together, how often you said the words , they still had the same effect as the first time he'd heard them.

"I think I just want more praises. Good for my ego."

"Who knew Levi Ackerman was such a narcissist."

Smiling into your hair, Levi kissed your forehead , and then proceeded to give you light kisses on every bit of skin he could attain. He felt at peace , with himself and even with the world; and he suddenly thought that he'd still feel like this even if you'd been sleeping on the floor or even in the snow outside. It didn't matter where he was,as long as you were with him.

"You're going to be late." you stated ,without doing anything to break from Levi's embrace. He nodded, muttering "I know" as he tightened his grip around you, not moving.

"You know, since the window's open,we can tell Erwin you're sick. We'll say that you caught a cold or a terrible disease that force you to stay by my side if you don't want to dramatically drop dead on the floor."

Levi's made a sound half between a laugh and a groan , and answered : " He won't believe it , but since I never missed work ever since I've joined the scouts...I think he's not going to complain too much."

And, this time kissing your lips, Levi Ackerman chose to take the first day off of his life , just so he could stay in bed with you all day.

[iguana-eyanna]

The Beauty Within Everything

Pairing: preserum! Steve Rogers x 1940s! reader

Summary: reader thinks Steve stood her up on their date but realizes he’s very ill

Warnings: illness, decline of physical health, angst

You were walking on the sidewalk, fuming with every step you took in your heels, cursing under your breath to whoever invented these shoes.

You were on your way to confronting Steve, your boyfriend, at his place.

You think back to the first time you met Steve at a park. You both sat on the same bench as you were reading a sort of novel while Steve was drawing something on paper. The wind blew strongly as he lost his grip on the piece, flying beside your feet. You pick it up and give it to him, looking down to realize he was drawing you.

You both blush at each other as you complimented his talent and he commented on your beauty. Then on, you guys have been dating for a couple of months.

Now, you were beyond upset about Steve avoiding you for the past week. He promised to take you out on a date, but then stood you up on the very night. You tried calling his telephone but he never picked up the line. Now you arrived on his doorstep, knocking on the door loudly. What you didn't expect was for Bucky, his best friend, to greet you.

"Hi, angel face. What brings you here?" Bucky tiredly asked. "I can ask the same for you, it looks like you haven't slept in days." you replied. Before Bucky could rebut, you invite yourself in looking for any sign of your boyfriend.

"Now's not a good time to visit Steve, doll." Bucky says, trying to usher you out. "That charm won't work on me Bucky. I have been beyond worried about why Steve hasn't been responding to my calls. Is he alright?" You ask, not realizing a figure is shuffling to the two of you.

"You shouldn't have come." a voice croaked out, coughing afterward. You turn around and gasp lightly, looking at a very ill Steve. His skin was pale as snow, and it looked like he was prying to keep his eyes open for a bit longer. Steve tries to take another step but almost falls down to his knees.

You and Bucky catch him in time, as you could feel your boyfriend going limp in your arms. "Help me take him to his bed." Bucky gritted his teeth as he properly held Steve on his side. The both of you took him to his mattress as you opened his blankets so Bucky can tuck in his friend. Steve's eyes were partly closed, but you both can tell he was drifting off to sleep. You sweep his hair out of his eyes and then follow Bucky to the living room.

"What happened?" you whispered lightly, trying not to wake him up. Bucky looks down to the ground, not wanting to break the news to you. "When Steve was a kid, the doctor said that he has a weak immune and respiratory system. Since then, he's had a lot of fevers in a span of months, up to the point where he contracts pneumonia twice a year. I've been staying with him for the past week in case something happens." You sit on a nearby chair, feeling your heart aching for Steve's health.

"This has been going on for years? Why hasn't he said anything? I would have understood if-" Bucky rolls his eyes and sits next to you. "You know him, he's stubborn as a piece of wood. But I think he was scared you'd reject him." Bucky sadly admitted. You stare at a nearby window, trying to think.

You stood up and grabbed your purse "I'll go to the market to buy some things. I'll take care of him. You need to go home and get some rest." Bucky was too tired to fight you on it, so he waited for your return.

You came back with bags of groceries as Bucky helped you carry them to the empty fridge. Before he left, he gave you instructions on how to help steve if he had a coughing fit or if he wasn't able to hold himself.

"Remember, he may have the will of ten men, but he's delicate." You nod your head and lock the door once Barnes leaves. You then started making a pot of your signature soup to pass time in case Steve wakes. Suddenly you hear him coughing uncontrollably, so you turned off the fire and grabbed a glass of water.

Seeing him sitting up with his chest heaving made your heartstrings pull. You then tended to him as you offered to Steve the cup that he gradually took.

Once his breathing slows to a normal rhythm, he looks up to you with such heartbreak. "You should go, I don't want to be a burden." he said the best he could.

You sit in front of him by the foot of the bed, ready to scold the living heck out of him. "I am not going anywhere, mister. You still owe me an apology for standing me up this past week. I was worried sick, Steve. Why would you keep this from me?"

“Cause I didn't want you to be looking at me like this." He replied in a small voice.

"You know I would have understood, you shouldn't have kept me in the dark." You told him, not breaking eye contact. Steve's eyes begin to water and cleaned them away with his sleeve.

"When I recently got sick, I realized something. I’m not the man who could carry you in my arms and kiss you with every ounce in my body without wheezing. I'm not the man who's able to provide for you, like giving you pretty dresses or sweet-smelling perfumes. Heck, I can't even afford you a rose” Steve said as his voice was breaking.

"And now you're spending your money to feed your poor pathetic boyfriend back to health. Can't you see I'm nothing but trouble for you?" He concludes, staring at you. You pause for a bit, reflecting on the words he uttered from his mouth.

"Not once have I ever thought you were weak, Steve. Dear God, I think you're one of the bravest men I know. So please, don't bring yourself down because you can't perform these things you've fantasized about doing. I have never cared for extravagant gifts and just having you in my life is more than enough. You taught me so much about life and the beauty within everything around me. That's why I..." you close in to take his hand on top of your beating heart.

"I love you. I love you so much that it hurts me to think you can't rely on me when you're in so much pain. So please Steve, don't push me away when we both know we were made for each other."

Steve's face softens as he begins to cry. You begin to tear up as you pull him into your chest, comforting him with all that you could give.

"What did I deserve to be with you?" he hiccuped.

"Everything, love. Everything, and more." you replied, lightly combing the back of his hair with your fingers.

Steve lets go of you and wiped away his tears, regaining his breath.

“How can I make up for the past week?” he asks, knitting his eyebrows with determination.

“You can make it up to me by telling the truth from now on. No more secrets between us. And I am nursing you back to health, starting with a soup I just made.” You told him.

Steve nods his head and feels his stomach rumble just from the mention of food. "Well, I am hungry." he sheepishly smiles. You laugh at his reply and got up to fetch a bowl of soup. You return back with the food and Steve holds his hand to feel the warmth of the bowl. Once he starts consuming it, his eyes roll to the back of his head and almost made a moaning sound.

"This is the most amazing meal I've had in a long time." Steve announced, making you laugh harder. He's happy that he made you smile, realizing how much he missed hearing the sound of your voice.

She was his rock, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

[elegiesforshiva]

hi! i hope this message finds you well :3 i just wanted to say thank you so much for posting your writing! i've read through all of your sasusaku fics starting with Ghosts and then and then A Blue Bathed Litany, then Reanimate and Tongue. i think you're an incredible writer and can't express how much i've enjoyed reading your writing and as someone who also writes here and there - how much seeing your characterization and the themes you decided to delve into inspires me to write!!!! - kae pt.1/?

just to echo what some other people have said about Ghosts, LOVE the way you've characterized sakura! AH! she finally gets the depth that she deserves through your story! and the way you've been looking at her/sasuke's relationship makes me think of conversations i've been having with peers/at work -about reformation and what it means to forgive and to teach/take care of someone who's done harm and let them back into the community. anywho, many a thought on that - kae pt.2/? also! i can't say how much i love the depiction of ino/sakura's friendship and the intimacy of it. there is something so powerful and often understated about feminine friendship and being able to see it told so beautifully and honestly with so much heart in your story is something i really enjoyed and connected with! i think and women are just so awesome in the way they look out for each other and the safety that they can provide for each other - kae pt.3/? anyway! i saw that you are still planning on writing it and are taking the time to flesh it out completely and i just want to say that i hope you are kind to yourself through the process and don't ever feel rushed!!!! i find that writing is such a personal journey and so much has happened in the past few years!!! i'm so glad to see that you plan on continuing it though and will patiently await on any kind of updates that you give! <3 <3 <3 - kae pt.4/? btw i also wanted to add that i've been reading through some of your responses to your asks here and there to get whatever i can for any Ghosts news LOL and wanted to also say that you seem like a super awesome, kind, and emotionally intelligent human and it takes a very special kind of person to write and the create the types of stories you do!!! also just wanted to ask - how are you doing!!! i hope your day/night is very kind to you!!! (i hope all my asks have come through hehe) - kae pt. 5/5 OOPS - SO SORRY. i think i probably read a different ask than one of the most recent ones you did. ANYWAY just wanna say - whether you write Ghosts again or don't - it's totally a-okay!! you take care of yourself first and foremost <3 <3 <3 - kae

Can’t even articulate how happy these asks have made me, or the amount of times I came back to them to feel the warmth of them again. These were so kind and thoughtful, idk how to thank you for them. I’m so sorry I took so long to respond, I try not to talk about this in my responses to asks, but sometimes it’s just so much to process this kind of praise because it’s such a stark contrast from the energies I receive on the daily—energies that made me write a narrative as dark as Ghosts to begin with. It can be a little shocking, and definitely a lot to digest, even though I’m not a stranger to how much people relate and enjoy Ghosts. It’s still very jarring. Definitely welcomed and I’m completely heartstruck by it!! but still I see it and I’m like “Oh God, Oh Fuck” lol. Thank you so much for giving me so much love. Thank you for reading fics, for checking in on this blog, for sending me all these messages. I’m JUST !!!!!!!!!!!!  🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 💘 There’s so much you touch on in these asks, I’m so happy people engage so thoroughly with the fic because there’s a lot of subjects that fic and Kishimoto himself discusses in their narratives. Reform and Healing and Integration are so so complex... especially with a character like Sasuke. Systematically, he’s a victim, there’s no question about it. Intimately, in personal relationships like with Naruto and Sakura, he was abusive. And of course the former informs the latter for him but where do you go from there... the very topic I think is greatly mishandled in the real world, and I think Kishimoto does a total 180 in his manga where Naruto just like?? Beats people up and through the power of spirit they are suddenly fully capable of love and authentic growth and healing??? LOL. It’s so bizarre. I don’t have the answers but it’s a conversation to be had and thought on for sure. I’m so so soooo happy you mentioned Ino and Sakura!!! I think my queerness ended up coming out in a lot of unexpected ways in this fic, and their relationship is a part of it for sure, but I just completely agree with you that relationships between women are severely understated. I don’t know how obvious it is, but I fully intended on discussing misogyny in Ghosts, and Sakura and Ino, and also Sakura and her mom’s relationship was meant to really emphasize that. I know there’s low fandom interest in female characters and that their relationships together have even less, (understandably so, because ultimately this was written by cis men who do not have an iota of how women authentically experience themselves, experience the world, and it can be triggering just acknowledging these cardboard cutouts of how cis men see us sometimes...) but really, I couldn’t have written this fic without the pillar of Ino and Sakura’s relationship in place. So much of my own healing and growth has relied on women, and the queer community too. They’ve saved my life. Again and again. I know shonen authors like Kishimoto wouldn’t have a great understanding of marginalized identities like that considering their own social positioning, but man the presence and impact of these communities is very real. Thank you for offering me your patience and affirmations, you have no idea how much I miss writing. I think about it all the time, it drives me crazy lol. I love that you’re a writer too, you probably know what I mean when I say how intimate of a journey it is—how deep we dive to come out the other side with a story that speak back to us and give us our justice. I would kill for that sort of time and headspace again. I’m really hoping to get back there soon. If I can just get an apartment, and some quiet, I think I’ll be able to. There’s so much inside me begging to be let out these days. Regardless, I’ll always keep y’all posted and thank you for letting me know you’re fine either way. It’s reassuring the love I get isn’t conditional like that, I’m just glad you’ve enjoyed that fic, unfinished or not, as much as you have <3 I think this is the first time someone has explicitly asked how I am in a message like this, and god you are such a sweetheart for it. Thank you for thinking of me as more than just an occasional fanfic writer, that was such a warm gesture. I wish I could say I’m doing great but honestly my life is a fucking horror show and I feel like a turd on fire lmfao. I mean, that’s kind of most of our lives right now. I can’t speak for everyone but I don’t personally know people who are doing very good right now. I am with the disabled community, amongst other marginalized ones, and covid combined with the catastrophic political atmosphere has not been kind to us. I’m crossing my fingers and hoping it gets better though, both individually and nationally—and globally too, for that matter. I know international friends have been going through it. Thank you again for these sweet messages kae!!! I really hope you’re doing amazing and there’s a lot of love in your life at this moment, and if there’s not I hope it comes soon!! And I hope you’re as loving and gentle with yourself as you were with me in these asks too. Cheers to the wonders of writing and reading! Sending all my looove~~  💟 💟 💟

[rosafione]

"Come Closer."

title; How Far Will I Fall, 'Till You Catch Me In your Arms

pairing; xiao x reader

desc; you never really lacked the guts for these kinds of things, but before everything else, you valued his feelings, and most of all, his consent. in the end, it still takes two to tango.

a/n; xiao drabble xiao drabble xiao drabbleee now, he might be ooc, im not sure, but this is mostly just an hc if you guys are close— to an extent muahahahahaha

Time was at a standstill for a certain young adeptus.

For someone who's lived a millennia, you'd think two months would only feel like a second. Before, Xiao would not deny the frequency of those moments— of loneliness, and melancholy; Of time spent watching the Guyun Stone Forest and awaiting his time to strike.

Every day that passed was one spent with his guard high, back then.

And yet now, those moments seemed as if they existed in a far different time. A time before the Traveler plunged Osial into the ocean, stripping them of their adeptal duties and eliminating a cause for Liyue to seek their guidance.

Though possibly the greatest disparity from that time could be that.. It was a time before you— before he had you by his side.

You were a mortal, one he considers to be above average, yet a mortal, nonetheless. You still had times where your humanity catches up to you, and you are left vulnerable in the hands of the evil that lurks among the lands of Tevyat.

Xiao met you at your weakest; But he watched you grow into your shell.

It wasn't as if he regarded you with any special fondness. At first. You were no different from any other mortal that walked Liyue— a fragile creature he was tasked to protect, and a being he needed to steer clear off, lest he harm you with his adeptal energy. (Death from the sheer force of it was no stranger to him. He does not want to carry another human's death on his shoulders.)

Xiao had a complicated relationship with the mortal realm. It was not disdain he harbored for humans, only vigilance and curiosity.

Their realm and the adepti's were two worlds apart.

What differed you from the mortals is that you crossed that distance. And somehow, you stood before him, right in the in between.

He wonders how you do it; You've always been unyielding in his presence. He knows you are aware of his prowess, but every time he looks at you, there is nothing but fondness and adoration he sees in your ancient gaze.

You offered him Almond Tofu almost every day. It makes him anticipate your troubles, yet you do no else other than indulge him in small chats, and silly escort commissions into the mountains or the forest. At times, you'd just watch him feed on your offerings.

He knew it was a bribe, the Almond Tofu. You did it almost everyday— Until you didn't have to.

At some point, Xiao stopped denying your presence. He's warned you enough— He respected you enough to know that you were an adult, and you could think for yourself. And though the moments you'd offer him were memories worthy to look back on, he dares not seek you out.

But he didn't have to. You always came to him first.

His relationship with you only grew from there. It was no earth-shattering occurrence, that's for sure. It was a parasite that he didn't know had been rooting itself into his being so deeply that he cannot bring himself to part with it.

Though if not a shocking event, it was still a crushing revelation.

"Good day, Xiao."

The lady-in-charge, Verr, seemed to be searching for something before her gaze flitted back to his. "No Y/N today?"

"Y/N is off to the harbour for a few days," he'd answered instinctively as he walked to the usual table prepared for him near the kitchen.

"And you didn't come with?"

His slit brows raise in confusion. "Why would I?"

"Oh dear, my apologies. I just figured—" a bashful chuckle leaves her— "Since I see you guys together all the time."

He frowns at the memory. It was a realization that started his resolve to put some distance, yet it was also the beginning of your.. lengthy travels.

When your few days became a few weeks, his resolve easily yielded to his eagerness in meeting you once more.

-

Time used to pass by swiftly, but nowadays, a year spent with you feels as if he had already spent half of his life.

He sighs, shaking his head at himself. "Reduced to just standing around. How absurd."

"If you think standing around was such an absurd concept then why do you still reject the idea of travelling with me?"

The familiar voice wills him to rip his gaze away from the scenery.

He knows it is yours— your steps, your scent, your weight, your presence. Xiao feels you the moment you stepped into the inn. Yet he does not move, run, nor show any sign of the buzz that vibrates from inside his chest.

Yet when he sees you, you are beautiful, safe. Ephemeral.

He forgets every aching minute he's spent in the eight weeks you were not in his vicinity.

Time runs again.

Still, everything about you is slow; The way you walk carefully to his side, the way you drag your fond gaze from his, to the scenery before you.. The way your hair flows and dances with the evening breeze.

He knows. The wind has always favored you.

"Ever since meeting the Traveler, all you've talked about is travelling," he chose to say.

"With you."

"What?" he frowns.

"I mean that yes, all I've talked about is travelling—" you chuckle bashfully, averting your eyes away from his— "That is, travelling.. But with you."

His eyes widen, then hardening with a purse of his lips, before he turns to glare into the distance. "My answer will not change. I cannot leave Liyue."

"And my reply is the same," you sigh. "The place does not matter. As long as we'd be together."

It is a sensitive topic, and an inevitable taboo.

There was a line neither of you should ever cross— a line he's put there himself, and one he disdains all the same.

Silence ensues. It is a frequent occurrence, ever since you first brought up the prospect of adventuring. Stubborn and troublesome. Xiao finds himself needing to track back in conversations just to figure you out.

Mortals were such complex creatures.

And yet it was so easy for you to read him like an open book. Or so he assumes. You always knew how you'd deal with him. Even Xiao knows that it is no easy feat.

"You're always like this," he grumbles.

You do not answer, and he settles for the tranquility, all the tension leaving his body; And for once, after two months, he felt as if he could actually breathe.

He wonders how much longer he'd be stuck in this area of torment and bliss. Wonders how much longer he'll continue to drag you into it.

Wonders when you'll snap and just leave him all together.

He frowns grumpily at the thought.

-

"Can I?" you ask.

Xiao looks into your eyes— swirling hues that didn't return his gaze, far focused on a lower part of his face. His lips, he realizes. Your gaze had been focused on his lips.

The epiphany wills a streak of crimson to rise to the tips of his ears, and his own focus is stolen away by the pink appendage that wets your lips.

"Your question is incomplete," he says instead, feigning ignorance.

Shaking his head, Xiao crosses his arms and forces himself to concentrate on your eyes. Only on your eyes.

Maybe then, he wouldn't get so distracted.

"Regardless of how your question would go, I don't understand why you need my opinion," he huffs, grumbling. "It's your body. You would know it best."

You press your lips together. A gentle, bashful smile spreading on your face as a fond look emerges in your eyes. "My apologies," you chuckle. "It was the wrong question to ask."

He faces you to narrow his eyes at your suspicious behavior, but he's far too distracted by the way your hand lifts, trailing from the side of his neck to gently cup his cheek, and his breath hitches, eyes widening.

Warmth radiated from your touch. Xiao knows better than to reject such touches any longer when with you. So he leans into it, presses his head closer to your palm, closing his eyes and exhaling in surrender.

"What i meant to ask was," he opens his eyes to look at you.

Your gazes clash. They meld and melt into each other as you slowly raise yourself closer and closer — or perhaps it was him who'd been leaning down.

The hand that traces the tattoo on his right arm, as well as the other that caresses his face with an aching gentleness, reels him in. enthralls him. It lures him into succumbing to your presence, and his body goes through that familiar feeling of softening under your touch.

"May I?" you whisper.

Suddenly, you are leaning in more eagerly— more determined, as if with a clear intent in mind. He thinks he understands your words enough now, swirling in his mind, goes through consideration, and the one practical response he could muster with his focus in a jumble is to deny you permission.

He gulps soundly; He can't bring himself to.

Xiao thinks this is it, watching you move in as he struggles to keep his eyes from fluttering shut. He thinks it would be this moment— this moment in which he dooms the unspoken rule between mortals and adepti. Dooms the contract he's worked so hard to fulfill in service of Lord Morax, now Zhong Li. He'd doom your friendship, or whatever it is you've offered him up to this point.

Yet even then.. Even then, he doesn't say no.

He stays quiet; Waiting. Wanting.

It's funny— the mortal language, how one could switch out a letter, and a word would seem that much different.

It was true, nonetheless.

Xiao waits. Xiao wants.

He wants the closeness, the intimacy— the affection you provide. He wants your lips to meet his just to know if it is as soft as the rest of you is. He wants to see if a kiss— curious, like a child— truly lives up to the countless tales told by the experienced. He wants to know.. If you will give him those answers.

His amber eyes meet yours. He does not breathe, as if doing so would scare you away. As if doing anything would give you a response he does not want to give.

It is enough. Your noses bump for a second, his eyes fluttering closed; Your scent wafts from beneath his nose, crisp burning incense, molded into the fresh smell of the forest that is brought about by the wind.

He curves into you, a single thought shaking him to the core, making him tremble - so utterly pathetic.

'Please..'

Your lips do not meet.

And suddenly, there is too much air between you and him.

Xiao opens his eyes to see you trailing back, fidgety— you looked like a walking contradiction, twitching fingers trying to cross the distance, gaze darting between looking away or staring regretfully at his lips.

There was a crimson hue staining your cheeks, he noticed.

"Why.." he whispers, then catches himself.

The inside of his chest strains from all the emotions he has to keep hidden— all the emotions he has to keep denying.

Disappointment. Loneliness. Exhaustion. Desperation.

Xiao wants.

-

You couldn't believe you almost kissed him.

It was a heavy violation of contract— not that you two had ever agreed to one, but it was an unspoken compromise. It was a truth you both knew, yet continued to ignore.

So that this— whatever this was, could survive.

Archons, you almost laid it all to waste!

(Either way, any decision would still leave you with regrets, had you continued or pulled away.)

"Ah, would you look at that!" you laughed out loud in a panic, perhaps to cover up the tense atmosphere. "I did it again! I asked a question without completing it, yeah? Guess it's a really bad habit on mine!"

Xiao does not answer. You spare him a look. And you wish you hadn't.

He looks dejected, disappointment and frustration showing through his slit eyebrows and wide eyes.

As if your choice was a surprise to him.

As if he wanted you to continue.

As if.

You couldn't deny you wanted it, too. Whatever he could give you. And, more.

You mentally scold yourself, knowing you're already stretching Xiao's patience with your friendship as it is.

You have to remind yourself that Xiao is immortal, and no matter how humane he may seem, you cannot trouble him with matters such as the turmoil in your heart.

It's really hard to say anything, when all the thoughts that circle in your head is how wonderful he is. How amazing he makes you feel. How he is all you've ever wanted for the whole year since you've realized you'd developed a certain affection for him.

"Sorry, Xiao," you say, throat tightening with bubbles of emotions threatening to spill. "I should.. Go away, for some time."

( And the first thing Xiao thinks is to dejectedly reply 'Again.?' )

"No," he says all too quickly, detaching from the banister.

"No?" you echo, confused. "N-no what?"

"Stay," he says, but it is not a command. Not from the adeptus. It is a soft request; A wavering plea that reaches to you soul.

"Where?" you ask. 'How far?'

"Here," he whispers now. "With me."

You push your luck, craving just a bit more patience from Xiao.

"Close?"

You could see Xiao consider. His eyes showing his heart, but his silence showing his mind.

He gives in.

"Close."

That day was the nearest you've peered, held and embraced Xiao's soul, moving closer, and softly leaning your forehead on his, clenching onto the white fabric of his shirt as he loosely wraps an arm around your waist— under the watchful eyes of the night sky.

There is still a distance that Xiao dares not cross.

And for now, maybe it's enough.

[eternal-armin]

the demon you summoned

BY THE GRACE OF THE UNHOLY BEINGS I LOVE I GOT IT BACK IM SO HAPPY

the reader sold their soul to the demon [char] to accompany them across turbulent lands to the great cities, rumored to have huge markets and incredible buildings. but reader is weak and cannot protect themselves, so they instill the help of otherworldly forces.

slight fantasy au heavily inspired by insomniac production's demon armin series (i love it so much i love their work hh)

maybe i should make this an actual drabble series

───── ❝ jean ❞ ─────

༻✦༺ you summoned a demon of pride to help not only with your state of mind, but with a venture across your lands ༻✦༺ you were very unhealthy and multiple people in your village suspected you wouldn't be able to make a journey to the larger cities ༻✦༺ this was essentially your last resort ༻✦༺ you were fully prepared for jean to reject your proposal; you were willing to give up your soul just to visit the cities for one day ༻✦༺ seeing how pure your soul was, jean was more than happy to escort you to your destination ༻✦༺ along the way, jean was compassionate to you ༻✦༺ he would ask you questions and you would respond. the more he knew about you, the more he rued the time when he would have to kill you to complete the pact ༻✦༺ the way that your eyes light up when you talk about your passions and your dream to leave the one place you ever knew ༻✦༺ the way you yawned and leaned against him when you began getting tired ༻✦༺ the smile you got whenever you saw something new and went to examine it ༻✦༺ the way you would look at him when he explained what it is, astounded by the knowledge that he held, and that he was honorable enough to share with you ༻✦༺ every time he protected you from any death or injury, you thanked him. jean was unused to it at first, scoffing. then it made his heart warm every time ༻✦༺ both of you were becoming more and more nervous along the way for very different reasons ༻✦༺ when you arrived, you hugged him and thanked him one last time ༻✦༺ jean wanted to cry ༻✦༺ you were so happy he couldn't possibly ruin this for you, ever. ༻✦༺ he pulled you aside for the time you thought you were going to die. instead, he hugged you, and told you how he felt

───── ❝ sasha ❞ ─────

༻✦༺ demon of greed and gluttony, famed to expose any hidden information and protect the operator if given a good enough offering ༻✦༺ you prepared an initial offering of the best foods your village had to offer, all of which were passed down through generations ༻✦༺ she was fairly impressed to see the spread specifically for her, and so was happy to devour the majority of it while you posed the rather simple pact; in exchange for your soul, sasha would protect you during the month-and-a-half-long journey across the country ༻✦༺ for the effort sasha would be putting in, she demanded a fair amount of food and your soul, depending on its condition ༻✦༺ your soul was far more than enough ༻✦༺ sasha dreamed of you becoming part of her retinue, always with her to provide her whatever food she could ever desire ༻✦༺ your cooking skills were certainly developed enough ༻✦༺ sasha was somewhat surprised by the sheer amount of dangers you were susceptible to ༻✦༺ it wasn't entirely surprising. she wasn't usually summoned for these types of things. in fact, she wasn't often summoned at all ༻✦༺ even though sasha was constantly asking you questions, you answered with eagerness and waited patiently if she had to explain something. it was rather impressive to her honestly ༻✦༺ you would make dinner for the two of you, and while sasha ate, you often fell asleep against her shoulder ༻✦༺ seeing how comfortable you were with her was heartwarming ༻✦༺ and she hated it (for the most part) ༻✦༺ when she asked why the big cities were so important to you, you were kind of surprised that she cared ༻✦༺ she was surprised she had asked in the first place ༻✦༺ but seeing the passion in your eyes, she couldn't possibly extinguish it ༻✦༺ at the same time she still needed that soul ༻✦༺ "[y/n]. i have an important proposition. please... hear me out. you have made me feel things demons were never meant to feel. i.. i love you. i love you and i need to have you. but i need to have your soul, too. i need both and the only way i can have both is if i turn you into a demon. you- you can stay here. stay on earth, live your life. but i need to love you. i don't think i'll ever love anyone else."

───── ❝ armin ❞ ─────

༻✦༺ the demon of knowledge and strategy ༻✦༺ it was a fair idea to summon armin for passage, but not for protection. however, cunning strategy can be the perfect defense ༻✦༺ that was your point of view going into the ritual ༻✦༺ he was surprised you asked for his assistance when you could've summoned a demon of treachery to protect you, however respected your reasoning ༻✦༺ in exchange for the beautiful soul you had, he vowed to protect you across the dangerous midlands, and provide you with knowledge as to what you should avoid aswell ༻✦༺ he was like an authority figure for a while. telling you what to do and what not to do, asking you questions in the voice of a principal ༻✦༺ but you always answered those questions with warmth ༻✦༺ "i've heard stories about the outside world, especially about the cities, and about all the different people and food and everything. i wanted to experience it, even if it was just once. just once is enough." ༻✦༺ to armin, it was both heartwarming and heartwrenching ༻✦༺ he knew he was going to be the one tearing you away from the dream you loved so dearly ༻✦༺ armin was a little softer with you from then on, turning into a good friend you trusted enough to fall asleep in his lap ༻✦༺ you were so excited you couldn't sleep for a few days beforehand ༻✦༺ you asked if you could hug him ༻✦༺ when he said yes, you didn't let go for hours, and you were smiling the whole time ༻✦༺ armin was in constant internal turmoil for the next few days until the lights were within reach ༻✦༺ he couldn't do anything to take you away from here ༻✦༺ and he knew he wouldn't live long if he devoured your soul ༻✦༺ "you can grow old here, live the life you dreamed of, with everything you've ever wanted. i will give you anything you ask. and when you die, i can turn you into a demon. we can live together. all you have to do is say 'i love you too.'"

───── ❝ levi ❞ ─────

༻✦༺ the demon of war and battle ༻✦༺ for physical protection or vengeance, one of the first demons people tend to go to ༻✦༺ you treated him more with respect than fawning over him in awe, which automatically had him respect you more in return ༻✦༺ you explained professionally what you needed from him, and what he would receive ༻✦༺ you offered him both your soul, and to serve eternally under him until the last white dwarf died ༻✦༺ seeing your desperation, and your willingness to give up everything you've ever had, certainly spiked his interest in your... pathetic case ༻✦༺ he accepted the pact and you left the village in the dead of night ༻✦༺ levi was rather impressed to see a human taking care of themself well. after all of the pacts he had been in, he had developed a strong sense that all humans were rather... stupid ༻✦༺ your poised exterior would fade slightly whenever you read the yokomerfe a ohemfo, the one book you had about the outside world. it was replaced with a beautiful, childlike wonder that he felt profoundly drawn to ༻✦༺ he would gaze at you the entire time you read by campfire light ༻✦༺ why the everloving hell is he finding a human beautiful in any capacity ༻✦༺ the more levi got to know you, the more intrigued he became ༻✦༺ not just in the life of a human, but in you specifically, and he had no idea why ༻✦༺ he realized why soon after but didn't want to accept it ༻✦༺ however, the way it made him feel...? he couldn't just forget it ༻✦༺ he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he took your life and your freedom from you for eternity ༻✦༺ so the day before you arrived, he brought it up ༻✦༺ "i do not wish to complete this pact. i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i had to take away your soul and make you a servant. i'm doing neither. you can live your human life, and you can choose whether to die and go to heaven, or to live forever as a demon by my side. if you go to heaven, i cannot exist without you by my side."

[pettyvxbes]

Colson Baker x Reader - Ocean Eyes II

Broken Hearts & Restarts

"Y/n, wait!" His hand grabbed your arm firmly, spinning you around. You tried your best to avoid eye contact but failed terribly. What was it about those damn eyes? They were crystal blue like the waters you'd find in the Bahamas, and you were drowning.

The room was dark; the light from the moon outside provided just enough light for you to grab your things. You slipped on your sneakers and grabbed your suitcase about to head for the door when Colson stumbled through. He was visibly inebriated and reeked of stale beer and ashtrays.

Colson looked you up and down, noticing your luggage. A look of regret covered his face as he realized what day it was.

"Tonight was really important to me." You said sternly, sadness dripping from your voice. It was the first night of your art exhibit that you had spent months preparing for. You two had always talked about the day your art would fill up an entire studio, and he missed it.

"Y/n, please let me explain" Colsons' words slurred together as he approached you. The tall blonde man was audibly intoxicated. His disregard for your past cut deeper than any blade ever could. Addiction wreaked havoc on your family growing up. You thought he understood you, having gone through something similar, but it was clear that wasn't the case.

It wasn't like you despised drinking or even abstained from it, for that matter, but there was a big difference between going out on occasion and getting a little drunk versus coming home completely wasted every single night. Which, over the last several months, had become the new norm for Colson. You had honestly become so used to going to sleep alone that you had forgotten what it was even like to lie next to the man you loved.

"Explain what?" you asked him. "how you missed the biggest night of my life to get wasted with people you don't even like?" His silence spoke volumes. "I've supported everything you have ever done. . .I uprooted my life to be with you because I know how important music is to you." tears began forming in your eyes, "and you couldn't even show up one night to support me."

"Y/n, I'm so sorry."

"I will not beg you for your time or try to convince you to choose me." You sobbed. "The world is too big, and I have far too much to offer." You asserted.

"I made a mistake! Please let me make it up to you!" Colson tried to comfort you by wrapping his arms around you. Which would have worked so many times before, but not this time. You pushed him away from you, wiping the tears from your eyes.

"Just do me one favor, Colson." He looked at you, hopefully. "Please don't miss Casie's talent show on Friday. . .don't break her heart too."

"Y/n, wait!" Colson called after you. That was the first time Colson Baker broke your heart.

"Can we talk?" He asked, pulling you from your thoughts. "I owe you an explanation." You shook your head in disbelief. Really? Now? After four and half years, he wants to admit that he owes you an explanation.

"You don't owe me anything. You're not mine anymore." You said matter of factly. Even after all this time, your words still stung.

"Please? Just let me buy you a coffee?" He asked. You nervously played with the thin copper coin that had made its home inside the pocket of your jacket. Your fingers ran over the engraving slowly as you looked at Colson. The sunlight was reflecting off of his blue eyes. They were the kind of blue that astonished you every time they met yours. . .the kind of blue that made you ache for them to look at you again. . .the kind of blue that made you forget about your surroundings, and lucky for you, they were conveniently tied to a long strand of never-ending memories.

It had been three months since you broke up with Colson and a rough three months at that. It wasn't just the break-up that was rough, but the post-trauma that followed it. Waking up in the morning and checking your phone for the message that wasn't there. Starting your life all over again.

The sun peeking through the curtains pulled you from your sleep. You groaned. You had a long night, and your body was sore. You bit your lip, recalling the events that unfolded the evening prior. Running into Colson, having coffee with Colson, catching up with Colson, being naked with Colson. It was like you were stranded in a desert, dehydrated and Colson was the only thing that could quench your thirst. The way his tattooed body looked in the moonlight. . . how his hands felt traveling your curves. . .his lips on your. . .

You felt the bed shift next to you, and his warm arm found its way around your waist like it had so many times before. Instinctively, you rolled over to shield your face from the light and to lean into his warmth. You were met by his sparkling blue eyes reflecting in the morning sunlight. He didn't say a word. Just placed a gentle kiss on your lips and drifted back off to sleep. You studied his peaceful face, admiring it. That was the second time you realized you loved him.

You awoke hours later to an empty bed. It was almost like he was never actually there in the first place. You began to question your memory. Had your mind missed him so much that it conjured the previous night on its own accord? That's when the tiny copper coin sitting on the end table caught your eye. Picking it up, you read the engraving.

Always under the same sky C 🖤 y/f/i

You tried calling and texting him for weeks following your encounter, but he never answered or called back. That was the last time Colson Baker broke your heart.

“One coffee.” The words escaped your lips before you even had a chance to think about it—those damn blue eyes.

I << 💀 >> III

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[lilallama]

Valentines Day

TW: Obsessive behaviour, mentioning of stealing and slight homophobia, proceed with caution!

"Taehyung sweetie, wake up.~"

I groan and turn in my sheets, slowly regaining consciousness. "I've prepared you breakfast. Get dressed and come downstairs." The clacking of my mother's heels echoed through the hall as she went away. Groggily I sit up and stretch. I push my bangs out of my eyes I stare towards the window to my left. The sun shines through the thin curtains casting an orange light on my bedroom wall. I yawn and stand up, pulling the curtains aside and flooding the room with light. I take a moment to look outside, admiring our beautiful garden before remembering what day it is. Today is Valentines day! My God/Goddess asked me to meet up with them. Oh, spending Valentines with my saviour is the best thing to have ever happened to me!

I rush to pick out a white dress shirt, a khaki sweater vest with a black pair of slacks. After also brushing through my hair to untangle any knots I opened my secret Y/n shrine. The picture of their smiling face makes my heart pound so fast. They are otherworldly, absolutely ethereal! I take out a shirt of theirs which I borrowed a while ago. If I close my eyes it still smells like them, it's addictive.

Just to make sure that no items were robbed from their place I go through all items once again. Five chewed on pencils, a small box of empty wrappers, my 20 most favourite photos of them, the candle they accidentally bit into because they thought it was edible, the borrowed shirt, a pair of their underwear, a bunch of pins and hair ties they touched, the bundle of 36 hair strands I managed to collect (I only collect the hairs that have fallen out, I would never dare to cut or rip out my God's/Goddess' hair) and my water bottle which they drank out of (I had to buy a new one to keep this in my shrine but it was so worth it). All my items were there.

Suddenly I hear clacking and a small thud. I turn around in confusion, what just happened? But then I hear Yeontan's bark from the other side of the door. He ran against the door again. I can't help but laugh as I go to open the door for him. He jumps up a bit so I kneel down to pet him. "I'm meeting up with Y/n today, isn't that exciting!" Yeontan immediately started yapping, he loved my God/Goddess almost as much as I do. It's really incredible what an effect Y/n has on everyone, they all seem to love them. Well, then again that is expected to be the case considering Y/n is such a godly being.

"Taehyung!" "I'm coming!" My mother called me again. "Come on, boy." I hurry downstairs with Yeontan following me. "Good morning, Ma. Good morning, Pa." My father nodded at me while my mother beckoned me to sit down and eat. While I finish my breakfast my mother was talking about a lot of stuff. "Have you heard, they're trying to make gay marriage legal here. That is complete nonsense! God created a man and a woman for a reason." I have no clue what my mother was raging about. I concluded that she's probably just misinformed, Y/n said that being part of the lgbtq community is completely natural and alright. I know they know better than anyone else. "What's so bad about it, Ma?" My mother looked at me with horror. "They can't help who they're attracted to. It's all natural, isn't it?" My mother shook her head. "No!" She exclaimed, "Being gay or trans or something is inherently selfish! Gays are selfish! Men and women were created by God to conceive a child and stop the human kind from getting extinct. Trans are selfish! God gave you a body and you chose to change it in it's entirety! Such behaviour is unacceptable." "But I thought God loves everyo-" "Where have you even gotten that idea? Maybe you should go back to homeschooling. Clearly these other kids are having a bad influence on you." I look over to my father who just continues reading the newspaper. I respect my mother but she clearly isn't ready yet for the wisdom Y/n has bestowed upon me. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. "Look at the time we'll have to go now." Right, it was Sunday which means we're going to church. I always like going there, the windows astound me everytime. And the pastor is always so welcoming and friendly. I vividly remember asking him about the lgbtq community after Y/n had told me about them. He said that God loves everyone regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. He truly is a wise man.

As soon as we returned my father got a call from a business partner. They said they'd have to go now and want me to take Yeontan with me to my meet up. While I was a bit saddened that I couldn't be alone with my God/Goddess I decided it wouldn't be a problem.

Yeontan excitedly trots besides me as I make my way to the place where my saviour and I would meet up. I debated getting them a bouquet of red roses for Valentines day, but figured that the 20 letters, 12 stuffed animals and 18 bouquets I gave them during the past week would be enough, for now. As I make my way there I couldn't conceal the excitement I felt. Getting the chance to spend time with my Master/Mistress was something I believed I'd only ever dream about. The euphoria I feel from the mere thought of getting to see them today is dizzying.

Suddenly Yeontan starts barking and storms off. He never leaves my side, that's why he's not kept on a leash. To see him run away from me like that was surprising at best. But then I notice the reason for his behaviour. The puppy ran towards Y/n who was waiting for me a few metres away. How could I have just ignored my saviour like that! What I did was unacceptable. I would punish myself, but it would likely ruin Y/n's day, I can't let that happen. So I run after Yeontan, towards my God/Goddess.

"Good morning, Y/n! I'm sorry about him." I look down at Yeontan who's still getting pet by Y/n. He better cherish that they're even looking at him. It's bad enough that he practically demanded pats from them. So disrespectful. "No worries. He's so adorable!" At least Y/n seemed to enjoy his behaviour. I doubt it would work if I behaved that way towards them, but that's for another day to find out. "I dearly hope you didn't have to wait too long." They smile up at me. Oh, their smile is to die for. So incredibly perfect! I feel my knees getting weak. "Don't worry about it. I just arrived too." Yeontan started barking again and was noe excitedly jumping around, making Y/n laugh. "Awe! Yeontan is so adorable. I didn't know you'd take him with you." "It was unexpected for me as well." They stand up and take my hand. My heart is beating so fast, I feel as if I'm about to explode. It's getting harder to breathe. "Let's go now!" We start walking along the path with Yeontan rushing after us.

We sat outside a small café and each ordered our desired dessert. "Have you ever been on a date?" That question caught me off guard. "Oh, no. I haven't." I believe that much was quite obvious, but perhaps I was mistaken. They look surprised, shocked almost. "Really? How come? Aren't you getting asked out left and right?" "I suppose I just never had interest in anyone. I barely know those who ask me out. They're all so shallow to confess without knowing anything about me." Just then the waiter returned with our desserts. We thank him before we start eating.

Both of us watch as Yeontan is running around and playing in the snow. I look over to see Y/n smile at him, leading me to also smile. I adore their smile. Everything about them is so perfect. I could stare at them for hours and never get bored. Each detail is something new, something beautiful to discover. Unable to take y eyes off them I-

"Excuse me." Who dares interrupt my special time with my God/Goddess?! Two girls stood next our table. One almost cowering behind the other and mumbling something along the lines of, "Oh my god, no. Jess, don't." But I really couldn't care less. "My friend thinks you're really cute and was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with her." So annoying. I eye them down and make one thing clear. "I'm not interested." The girl cowering behind the other looked disappointed, perhaps ashamed. Good. She should be. After they interrupted my date with the Y/n they can go burn for all I care. "Have a good day." After the girls back away with the other girl exclaiming, "What a jerk!" I turn my attention back to Y/n. "Uhm, wasn't that a bit harsh?" They looked unsure. "Was it? I thought it was reasonable. Better to tell the truth than lead them on, am I correct?" They took another bite of their dessert. "I guess you're right."

We had a grand time strolling through the park, even having a snowball fight. They won. Obviously I could not compete with my God/Goddess, no one could ever. Yeontan was also very entertained as he kept trying to catch the snowballs as they flew over his head. Soon the sun began setting. It was incredible how fast the time flew by. Both our clothes were slightly damp due to the snow. I didn't think much about it untill Y/n began shivering. No no no no! My saviour could get sick, or die! I couldn't let that happen. I take off my jacket and gently place it over their shoulders. "But, won't you be cold?" I give them a reassured smile. "Don't worry about me, my God/Goddess. If I may, I'd love to accompany on your way home." They let out a bashful chuckle, making me melt. I feel my entire body heating up from that gorgeous chuckle. Their power over me is simply astounding.

All the way home I keep my arm atound them in hopes of providing some form of warmth for them. I cannot bear knowing that they're freezing. Never would I be able to forgive myself if they'd catch a cold. Yeontan was also slowly getting tired, which was by bo means a surprise considering how he played and jumped around all day. "Thank you for bring me home, Taehyung." Hearing them say my name makes my entire body tingle and flutter. "You do not have to thank me, Y/n. It was an honour!" Whatever I expected, it was not feeling their lips against mine. My mind went blank and I could barely stand. I felt dizzy, yet so so good! They gave me my jacket back after the short peck and laughed. "Goodnight!" Then they went inside and closed the door. I stood there for a moment, shocked at what had happened yet freling absolute bliss. After a minute or so I manage to finally pull myself together. I put on my jacket, it smells like them! And then I picked Yeontan up and walked home.

Oh, this day was the best I've ever had!

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