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[elegiesforshiva]

hi! i hope this message finds you well :3 i just wanted to say thank you so much for posting your writing! i've read through all of your sasusaku fics starting with Ghosts and then and then A Blue Bathed Litany, then Reanimate and Tongue. i think you're an incredible writer and can't express how much i've enjoyed reading your writing and as someone who also writes here and there - how much seeing your characterization and the themes you decided to delve into inspires me to write!!!! - kae pt.1/?

just to echo what some other people have said about Ghosts, LOVE the way you've characterized sakura! AH! she finally gets the depth that she deserves through your story! and the way you've been looking at her/sasuke's relationship makes me think of conversations i've been having with peers/at work -about reformation and what it means to forgive and to teach/take care of someone who's done harm and let them back into the community. anywho, many a thought on that - kae pt.2/? also! i can't say how much i love the depiction of ino/sakura's friendship and the intimacy of it. there is something so powerful and often understated about feminine friendship and being able to see it told so beautifully and honestly with so much heart in your story is something i really enjoyed and connected with! i think and women are just so awesome in the way they look out for each other and the safety that they can provide for each other - kae pt.3/? anyway! i saw that you are still planning on writing it and are taking the time to flesh it out completely and i just want to say that i hope you are kind to yourself through the process and don't ever feel rushed!!!! i find that writing is such a personal journey and so much has happened in the past few years!!! i'm so glad to see that you plan on continuing it though and will patiently await on any kind of updates that you give! <3 <3 <3 - kae pt.4/? btw i also wanted to add that i've been reading through some of your responses to your asks here and there to get whatever i can for any Ghosts news LOL and wanted to also say that you seem like a super awesome, kind, and emotionally intelligent human and it takes a very special kind of person to write and the create the types of stories you do!!! also just wanted to ask - how are you doing!!! i hope your day/night is very kind to you!!! (i hope all my asks have come through hehe) - kae pt. 5/5 OOPS - SO SORRY. i think i probably read a different ask than one of the most recent ones you did. ANYWAY just wanna say - whether you write Ghosts again or don't - it's totally a-okay!! you take care of yourself first and foremost <3 <3 <3 - kae

Can’t even articulate how happy these asks have made me, or the amount of times I came back to them to feel the warmth of them again. These were so kind and thoughtful, idk how to thank you for them. I’m so sorry I took so long to respond, I try not to talk about this in my responses to asks, but sometimes it’s just so much to process this kind of praise because it’s such a stark contrast from the energies I receive on the daily—energies that made me write a narrative as dark as Ghosts to begin with. It can be a little shocking, and definitely a lot to digest, even though I’m not a stranger to how much people relate and enjoy Ghosts. It’s still very jarring. Definitely welcomed and I’m completely heartstruck by it!! but still I see it and I’m like “Oh God, Oh Fuck” lol. Thank you so much for giving me so much love. Thank you for reading fics, for checking in on this blog, for sending me all these messages. I’m JUST !!!!!!!!!!!!  🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 💘 There’s so much you touch on in these asks, I’m so happy people engage so thoroughly with the fic because there’s a lot of subjects that fic and Kishimoto himself discusses in their narratives. Reform and Healing and Integration are so so complex... especially with a character like Sasuke. Systematically, he’s a victim, there’s no question about it. Intimately, in personal relationships like with Naruto and Sakura, he was abusive. And of course the former informs the latter for him but where do you go from there... the very topic I think is greatly mishandled in the real world, and I think Kishimoto does a total 180 in his manga where Naruto just like?? Beats people up and through the power of spirit they are suddenly fully capable of love and authentic growth and healing??? LOL. It’s so bizarre. I don’t have the answers but it’s a conversation to be had and thought on for sure. I’m so so soooo happy you mentioned Ino and Sakura!!! I think my queerness ended up coming out in a lot of unexpected ways in this fic, and their relationship is a part of it for sure, but I just completely agree with you that relationships between women are severely understated. I don’t know how obvious it is, but I fully intended on discussing misogyny in Ghosts, and Sakura and Ino, and also Sakura and her mom’s relationship was meant to really emphasize that. I know there’s low fandom interest in female characters and that their relationships together have even less, (understandably so, because ultimately this was written by cis men who do not have an iota of how women authentically experience themselves, experience the world, and it can be triggering just acknowledging these cardboard cutouts of how cis men see us sometimes...) but really, I couldn’t have written this fic without the pillar of Ino and Sakura’s relationship in place. So much of my own healing and growth has relied on women, and the queer community too. They’ve saved my life. Again and again. I know shonen authors like Kishimoto wouldn’t have a great understanding of marginalized identities like that considering their own social positioning, but man the presence and impact of these communities is very real. Thank you for offering me your patience and affirmations, you have no idea how much I miss writing. I think about it all the time, it drives me crazy lol. I love that you’re a writer too, you probably know what I mean when I say how intimate of a journey it is—how deep we dive to come out the other side with a story that speak back to us and give us our justice. I would kill for that sort of time and headspace again. I’m really hoping to get back there soon. If I can just get an apartment, and some quiet, I think I’ll be able to. There’s so much inside me begging to be let out these days. Regardless, I’ll always keep y’all posted and thank you for letting me know you’re fine either way. It’s reassuring the love I get isn’t conditional like that, I’m just glad you’ve enjoyed that fic, unfinished or not, as much as you have <3 I think this is the first time someone has explicitly asked how I am in a message like this, and god you are such a sweetheart for it. Thank you for thinking of me as more than just an occasional fanfic writer, that was such a warm gesture. I wish I could say I’m doing great but honestly my life is a fucking horror show and I feel like a turd on fire lmfao. I mean, that’s kind of most of our lives right now. I can’t speak for everyone but I don’t personally know people who are doing very good right now. I am with the disabled community, amongst other marginalized ones, and covid combined with the catastrophic political atmosphere has not been kind to us. I’m crossing my fingers and hoping it gets better though, both individually and nationally—and globally too, for that matter. I know international friends have been going through it. Thank you again for these sweet messages kae!!! I really hope you’re doing amazing and there’s a lot of love in your life at this moment, and if there’s not I hope it comes soon!! And I hope you’re as loving and gentle with yourself as you were with me in these asks too. Cheers to the wonders of writing and reading! Sending all my looove~~  💟 💟 💟