#and i don't plan on working on easter saturday and sunday

[mishkakagehishka]

Writing a CV really is all about lying

[merrybloomwrites]

You Can Start a Family (Chapter 5)

Summary: Another few days spent with Mitch and Sarah lead to more developments in your relationship.

Previous Chapters: One ; Two ; Three ; Four

TW for this chapter: It contains smut

I did have one person mention that these posts aren't showing up for them, I'm guessing because the story now has a mature community label, so let me know if you want to be added to the taglist so you don't miss anything!

Hope you enjoy, and would love to know what you're thinking of the story so far!

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The following week is busy at work. Ryan’s mom, Beth, is a high school teacher and has been stuck working longer hours, as it was the end of a marking period as well as the week before spring break. You and Ryan had started going on more outings. You were busy taking him to baby music class, and story time at the local library.

Sarah and Mitch had also started to spend more time at the studio, often going for hours or even the whole day. You hadn’t seen them all week, and after having spent a whole weekend together, you were missing them.

Finally on Thursday you see them for the first time in days. You’re loading Ryan into his car seat as they get out of their car across the street.

They walk over to you waving hello before leaning in to say hi to Ryan.

“How are you love?” Sarah asks. “We’ve missed you,” she says as Mitch nods in agreement.

“I missed you guys too,” you say with a shy smile. “I’ve been good, crazy busy. We’re trying different activities for Ryan. His mom wants him socializing with other kids and burning some energy. Which definitely is needed. Plus, he switched to one nap a day so there’s a lot of time to fill.” You realize you’re once again rambling and turn the conversation to them, asking, “What have you been up to?”

“Mitch got some inspiration for new music, so we’ve been working on that.”

“That’s so cool! Can I hear some of it?”

“Sure kid,” Mitch replies. “Are you free anytime soon?”

“Ryan’s family is going away for Easter this Sunday and taking a long weekend, so I’ll be off next Monday and Tuesday. If you’re free, maybe we could have another sleepover? My apartment this time.” You blush, nervous that you sounded too forward.

“What are you doing for the holiday?” Sarah asks.

“Honestly, probably nothing. Maybe make a special meal or something. What about you guys?” You notice they didn’t acknowledge your invitation and grow more worried that they no longer want that aspect of their relationship with you. Before your mind spirals, Mitch answers.

“My aunt and uncle are visiting for a couple days,” Mitch answers before continuing, “And you will be coming over for dinner.”

“I really don’t want to intrude-” Sarah cuts you off, saying, “Y/N, you will be coming over for dinner. No question. You’re never intruding. And if you don’t mind, maybe we could come over on Sunday after dinner and stay a couple of days?”

Your face lights up and you reply, “I absolutely would not mind.” At that moment Ryan starts loudly babbling, tired of listening to the adults. “I should get going, story time starts soon.”

Sarah leans in and gives you a light hug, saying, “Of course! Sounds like we’ve got a great plan.” She pulls back and Mitch rests his hand on your shoulder for a second before squeezing once and pulling away. You know that these are the only types of contact you can have with them in public. Even if you were spotted, those casual touches wouldn’t raise any suspicions.

You double check that Ryan’s car seat straps are tight enough and continue with your afternoon. You have newfound energy now that you know that you’ll be spending multiple days with Mitch and Sarah.

Friday passes quickly and you keep busy on Saturday, doing a much deeper clean than usual since you would be having guests. You also go food shopping and make sure to pick up ingredients for an appetizer and a dessert which you make Sunday morning before heading over to the Rowland’s house in the early afternoon.

Mitch’s father answers the door and leads you into the kitchen where the rest of the family is congregated. You’re greeted by Mitch, Sarah, and Tammy, and introduced to Mitch’s aunt and uncle. You have a wonderful afternoon with everyone, enjoying the stories they’re all telling.

After dessert is over, and you finish playing a few rounds of a card game that got way more competitive than expected, you’re saying goodbye to Mitch’s family. He and Sarah each grab their bags and walk out to your car with you.

It’s a quick drive to your place and next thing you know, Mitch and Sarah are walking around your apartment, complimenting the view and decorations.

“This apartment really is beautiful. I love the windows and it’s so spacious in here,” Sarah says.

“There aren’t many perks to most of your family dying in your early 20’s, but being the sole recipient of all life insurance payouts and inheritances would probably be the one bright side.”

They both stare at you, as they do when you mention your trauma so nonchalantly.

“What?” you say, “I’m talking about the positives! Don’t give me those faces. Anyone want some water?” You decide it might just be best to move on from the discussion of your dead relatives. You grab a couple bottles of water from the fridge and hand one to each of them asking, “Do you guys want to sit out on the deck?”

They agree and you lead them outside to show them one of your favorite parts of your apartment. It’s a decently large deck, big enough to fit an outdoor loveseat plus another comfy chair, and since you’re a corner unit, it faces the woods behind your building, allowing for privacy. You sit in the single chair, leaving them to share the loveseat. You start to tell them about the wildlife you’ve seen in the woods, then point out the constellations you could see.

You all spend a few minutes sitting quietly enjoying each other’s company as well as the mild early spring weather. You feel a hand on your arm and know that it’s Sarah. You turn to her, and she gently pulls you, saying, “You’re too far away, come here.”

You get up and stand in front of them, not sure exactly where to sit. She pulls you down so that you are seated sideways on her lap, your legs extended over Mitch. He runs his hands over your shins and Sarah wraps her arms around your waist, holding you close. After another few minutes of listening to the calm sounds of the night you feel Sarah brushing your hair over your shoulder so she can start to kiss your neck.

Your eyes close at the feeling of her lips on your skin and of Mitch’s hands traveling higher on your legs. You slowly turn your head and seek out Sarah’s lips with your own. Neither of you hesitate to deepen the kiss, tongues immediately searching each other’s mouths. Mitch leans in to take over peppering your neck in kisses, occasionally switching to do the same to Sarah. He eventually turns you away from Sarah to himself, and you get lost in the feeling of kissing him. Next thing you know you’re watching them make out in front of you as your hands absently trail along their skin.

You all continue on like this for a while, getting lost in the sensations.

“Should we head inside?” Sarah asks, and you nod your head.

You all stand up, Mitch steadying both you and Sarah. You walk into your bedroom, immensely glad you had decided to splurge on the king bed. You stop just in the doorway and feel Mitch’s hand on your lower back. You’re equal parts excited and nervous about what’s about to happen, and you wonder if you’ll ever move past your nerves. You feel Mitch’s lips against your ear, and he asks, “Would you like to learn something new tonight?”

You turn your head to him, eyes practically crossing trying to look at him when he’s so close, and you nod again. He turns to whisper something to Sarah, and she smirks before climbing in bed and leaning against the headboard.

“C’mere, love,” she says to you, and you climb up the bed towards her. She pulls you in and says, “Mitch thinks we can teach you some different things to do with your mouth, what do you think?” Your eyes practically roll back in your head at the suggestion. You bite your lip and nod before saying, “I think that’s a great idea.” You start kissing her neck, biting gently as though overeager at the idea of using your mouth to please them.

Clothes are thrown off bodies and onto the floor. You start to kiss down Sarah’s body. You’re leaving kisses on the inside of her thighs when you suddenly feel kisses on your own thighs from behind. You glance back to see Mitch is behind you, just as bare as you and Sarah.

“Just follow along with Mitch,” Sarah says. You’re confused for a moment but then gasp as you feel him lick along your core. You understand what Sarah meant and lean to do the same to her. The sounds she lets out spur you on, each whimper turning you on even more and you barely hold yourself back from pushing closer to Mitch’s mouth.

You take note of the different things he does with his lips and tongue and recreate the moves to the best of your ability on Sarah. You feel the familiar tightening in your belly as your orgasm approaches. You hum in pleasure and the vibrations push Sarah over the edge. She grabs your hair, careful not to pull too hard. You work her through her orgasm and a second later fall into your own.

You lay your head on Sarah’s stomach as you both catch your breath. Her fingers weave through your hair as Mitch presses light kisses to your back. He climbs up towards Sarah, and she pushes him to lay on his back. Your eyes meet Sarah’s, and she beckons your closer. You crawl up to kiss her, then Mitch.

You think about what today’s lesson is, and take a deep breath before moving back down, this time trailing kisses along Mitch’s torso. You kiss just above his groin and look at his hard cock before glancing back to Sarah, silently asking for advice on what to do next.

She starts to whisper instructions in your ear, and you lean down to wrap your lips around him. He groans and clutches the sheets to keep himself from thrusting into your mouth. At Sarah’s direction you switch between sucking on what you can fit in your mouth and running your tongue along his length and around his tip. After a few minutes he pulls you off of him and sits up so he can press his lips to yours and you share a kiss so messy you can feel your teeth clashing against his.

“You did so good, baby,” he says in your ear before nipping at your neck and pulling away. He turns to Sarah and kisses her before pulling her onto his lap. He reaches down, and in a move so practiced and smooth that you almost miss it, he slides inside her. They both throw their heads back, moaning as they come together before sharing a moment of eye contact. You realize he’s checking in that she’s okay before they start to move together. You’re fascinated by what’s playing out in front of you. Sure, you’re turned on, but you’re more curious to watch than participate. That doesn’t mean they’re okay with you being left out, and they make sure they each have a hand somewhere on your body the whole time. You watch Sarah fall apart, Mitch following right after.

You all collapse onto the bed, a jumble of limbs, bright smiles on everyone’s faces. You’re once again surprised at how right this feels. You fall asleep with your head on Sarah’s chest, hand clasped with Mitch’s over her.

The next day you again wake up first. You slide out of bed, throw on some clothes, and go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and reflect on the night before. You think about how safe they make you feel and how patient they are teaching you about intimacy. You’ve been so scared about being physical with someone that you thought it might never happen. But now you think back to how gentle Mitch was with Sarah, how he made sure to check in with her, and you start to think that you might be ready to have that as well.

Mitch and Sarah join you in the kitchen and you make them tea as well. As you set the mugs down Mitch’s phone starts to ring with an incoming FaceTime call. You glance at it and are surprised to see that it’s Harry calling. Harry Styles. Somehow you had yet to interact with him at all even though you’d been hanging out with his best friends for weeks.

Mitch answers the call and starts talking to Harry. Sarah quietly laughs at the look of panic on your face. You take some deep breaths, forcing yourself to stop fangirling before you somehow make a fool of yourself in the background of the call. You’ve just managed to contain your excitement when Mitch pulls you over to officially introduce you to Harry. You learn that he does know who you are, and Mitch and Sarah have apparently been talking about you to their friends.

It’s a short call, Harry had just wanted to check in on everyone and soon they hang up. Breakfast that morning is simple, everyone pouring a bowl of cereal and you discuss what to do that day.

“Do you still want to hear some of Mitch’s new music?” Sarah asks and you answer with an enthusiastic, “Of course I do!”

After everyone showers and gets ready for the day, you all drive over to the studio. Mitch plays two of the songs he’s working on, and you listen closely, watching in amazement as he sings the songs he wrote himself.

“I was wondering if you could help me with something,” he says timidly after you compliment him on his music.

“Sure, what is it?” you reply.

“I’ve got some ideas for guitar harmonies and want to test them out against the melody. If I tell you the chord progression, would you be able to play melody so I can see if it all works together?”

“Yes, absolutely.” He teaches you what to play and you spend the next couple of hours working on his songs, fascinated to see what goes on behind the scenes.

When you all start to get hungry you leave the studio to pick up sandwiches for lunch. You mention a walking trail nearby that has great views and you decide to take your lunch there. It’s a short walk to the first outlook and you settle there to eat. You ask Mitch and Sarah about their childhoods, wanting to know more about them. You continue your questions after lunch when you’re all walking towards the waterfall at the end of the trail.

When you reach it, Sarah starts taking pictures, including a selfie of the three of you which she immediately sends you. You’ll later make that your phone background, but no one needs to know that.

You start walking back and Mitch says, “So, I was thinking we could all go to Bella Luna’s tonight for dinner.”

You’ve heard of Bella Luna’s before. It’s one of the nicer restaurants in town. Ryan’s parents have gone there a couple of times for date nights, and you know it’s viewed as highly romantic.

“Oh, I’ve heard great reviews about that place,” Sarah replies with a cheeky smile. You nod and agree and spend the rest of the afternoon wondering what this fancy dinner might mean.

Back home everyone starts getting ready. Mitch informs you that the reservation is set for 6PM and you wonder when he set that up, as he hadn’t been on his phone at all that day aside from talking to Harry. You also realize that they both had fancy clothes packed and wonder if they had planned this ahead of time.

You walk out of your bathroom after getting changed, smoothing down your dress and fiddling with your hair to make sure it’s lying just right. You look up and see Mitch and Sarah staring at you.

Sarah walks over and places her hands on your hips, saying, “You look amazing,” before pulling you in for a kiss. “You look amazing too,” you reply after breaking apart. Mitch walks up to you saying, “You both look beautiful,” and you each kiss and compliment him as well.

You have a wonderful time at dinner. The conversation flows naturally, and the food is delicious. There’s never an awkward silence, and you realize how compatible you all are in every way.

Once back at your apartment, the evening goes like the one before and you find yourselves again out on the deck. Instead of you sitting on the chair, Mitch immediately pulls you on the loveseat with him and Sarah, and you’re sat half in each of their laps.

“Dinner tonight was delicious, thank you for taking me there,” you say.

“Of course, love,” Sarah replies. “We needed to make our first date special.”

At the word date you quickly turn to her, a shocked and confused expression on your face. You knew they cared about you, knew they were interested in you physically, but hadn’t dared to hope for the relationship to take this turn.

No one has ever expressed interest in you this way before, and here are two wonderful people wanting to bring you into their relationship. Two people who had everything they could want, but still opened themselves up to another person.

“We really care about you, Y/N,” Mitch says, and you turn to look at him. “Not just in a friendly or familial way. We care about you the way we care about each other.” Sarah is nodding in agreement, and you reply, “I care about you both too. More than anyone else.”

“I know this won’t necessarily be easy,” Sarah says. “It’s a complicated dynamic, especially with us being so well known publicly. But Y/N, we want to be with you. We want you as part of our relationship. Would you like that too?”

“I would. I really would. I know it’ll be difficult, and we’ll have to keep it a secret, but I want a relationship with you both. Being with you two just feels right in a way nothing ever has before.”

“We feel the same way,” Mitch replies.

They each press a kiss to your lips before sharing one with each other. The three of you sit there in an embrace, and the fact that you’re in a relationship sinks in. You can’t help the huge smile that breaks out on your face.

“What is it?” Mitch asks, noticing your expression.

“Nothing,” you reply. “I’m just really, really happy.”

“We are too,” Sarah says and meets you for another kiss. Mitch turns you towards him and he quickly deepens the kiss. This time you don’t get lost in the feeling, too lost in your thoughts of what you want to happen next.

Mitch notices your hesitance and pulls away asking, “What’s wrong, baby?”

You shiver at the nickname, holding one of his hands in yours and fidgeting with his fingers while building up the nerve to tell him what you’re thinking.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just. There’s something I want to do. And it makes me really nervous, but I think that I’m ready.” You pause a moment before continuing, “I know that I’m ready. To do this. With you.”

With the hand you’re not currently holding, Mitch cups your face to bring you to look at him. “Y/N, what is it you want to do?”

Even just saying the words feels impossible, not used to wanting this, let alone asking for it. “I, uhm, I want to- I’m ready to go all the way.”

He looks you in the eyes before asking, “Are you saying that you want to have sex with me?” You try to look away, somehow both embarrassed and turned on at the blunt way Mitch is clarifying your desires. “Because it’s absolutely okay if you do. I want to do that too. But only if you’re really ready,” he continues.

“I am,” you say firmly. “I’m ready. I’ve always been so scared of sex, but I saw the way you were with Sarah last night and, I dunno, I just know that you’d take care of me. I realized I don’t have to be scared with you. With either of you,” you finish, reaching one of your hands to rest on Sarah’s leg.

“Of course I’ll take care of you baby,” he says. “It’s all we want to do.” He leans in and presses his lips to yours, picking up where he left off a few minutes earlier. You feel like you’re too far away from him and move to straddle his lap. His hands immediately go to your waist, pulling you in so you’re flush against him.  

You feel his hard cock against you and begin to grow excited at the thought of what’s about to happen. He guides your arms around his neck and tells you to hold on tight. The next moment he stands from the couch, hands sliding to your bottom to support you so he can carry you inside. The three of you make your way to the bedroom, and Mitch lays you down on the bed, immediately crawling on top of you.

You get lost in the feeling of Mitch’s tongue stroking yours, on his hands sliding along your body. You tug on his shirt and break away to pull it off of him. He does the same to your dress and within minutes all of your clothes are on the floor. His fingers are at your entrance, slipping in one at a time to slowly open you up.  

You look over to see that Sarah is fully clothed and you pout. She notices your expression and says, “I’m okay love, I just want to watch tonight. This is a special moment for you.” You reach out your hand to hold on to hers and she passes something to Mitch before sliding her fingers between yours.

You hear a noise and look back to Mitch and realize what Sarah had handed him. He opens the condom wrapper and slips it on before running the head of his cock through your folds. He looks at you and asks, “Are you sure?” Without hesitating you tell him you’re sure, that you want this.

He lines himself up and starts to push in. You gasp at the stretch and squeeze Sarah’s hand. Mitch leans down to pepper kisses and love bites along your neck as Sarah runs her free hand on your stomach. You focus on those feelings as Mitch continues to push in, checking that you’re okay throughout.

Finally, he’s flush against you, letting out a loud groan in your ear at the feeling of you wrapped around him. Tears leak out of your closed eyes and you’re unsure if they’re from the uncomfortable pressure of being filled for the first time or from the overwhelming emotions running through you.

Sarah wipes away the tears, leaning in to quietly say, “You’re doing so well, love.” After a moment of letting you adjust, Mitch checks in again to see how you’re feeling, and if you want him to continue or pull out.

“Keep going, I’m good, please, you can keep going,” you tell him in a breathy voice you’ve never heard from yourself before.

He starts to move, slow thrusts at first before building up a rhythm after he’s sure you’re ready for more. It doesn’t take long to switch from uncomfortable pressure to intense pleasure. You’re still holding one of Sarah’s hands in yours and she uses her free hand to rub circles on your clit. You’re lost in the sensations, Mitch inside you, Sarah adding to the pleasure, both of their lips leaving kisses all over your body. It all builds until you come with a loud moan, clenching around Mitch. It’s an intense feeling, one that causes you to see stars, and you’re only vaguely aware of Mitch reaching his orgasm just after you.

They both slow down before stilling completely. Mitch tucks his face into your neck saying, “I’m gonna pull out now, okay babe?” You nod and he slowly pulls out as Sarah presses more kisses to the top of your head.

Mitch gets off the bed and you whimper and reach for him, not wanting him to be far away from you. “Shh, love,” Sarah says gently. “He’ll be right back; he’s just gone to get a cloth to clean up.”

A moment later he’s back and uses a damp washcloth to clean between your legs. He slips on a pair of boxers and places a large t-shirt on the bed for you. You know he’s giving you the option to put it on if you’d like but not pressuring you to, and you realize how well he already knows what will make you most comfortable. You slip on the shirt as he climbs in bed next to you. As you curl into his side, Sarah gets up and you pout again but refrain from grabbing for her as well. She changes into pajamas and gets back under the covers, holding you tightly.

You fall asleep almost immediately, missing the whispered conversation between the other two.

“How are you feeling?” Mitch asks her. He knew they had talked previously about the possibility of you and Mitch having sex, but he still wanted to make sure Sarah didn’t feel any different after seeing it happen.

“Honestly?” She replies. “I feel great. Y/N said it earlier, it just feels right. Watching the two of you together was mesmerizing, and beautiful. I think I may have fallen even more in love with you.” He grabs her hand and squeezes gently. You stir in their arms, turning towards Sarah and tucking your face into her neck. They share a smile over you and fall asleep as well.

Shockingly, you’re the last one awake the next morning. When you do finally wake up, you realize you’re sprawled on top of Mitch, clinging to him. He’s running his fingers through your hair, and you feel so content you almost fall back asleep. Before you do, Sarah walks in with a tray full of food. You climb off of Mitch to sit in the middle of the bed and Sarah sets down the tray before sitting next to you.

You rest your head on her shoulder and she says, “Good morning love. You feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling absolutely wonderful,” you reply with a shy smile. You glance at Mitch and see he’s looking at you with a similarly fond expression. “I’m also suddenly starving,” you continue. “This looks amazing!”

They laugh at your enthusiasm for breakfast, and you all start to dig in.

“What would you like to do today,” Mitch asks.

“Nothing. I want to do nothing today. I want to stay here with the two of you and have a movie marathon or binge TV and just cuddle.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” he replies.

And that’s what the three of you do. At lunch time you switch to hanging out in the living room instead of the bedroom, but that’s the extent of your effort for the day. They end up staying that night as well, brushing their teeth beside you in the bathroom before bed, and you revel in how domestic it feels.

They wake up bright and early with you the next morning and make sure to get their goodbye kisses before you all leave the apartment together. You drop them off in their driveway on your way to work and they each give you a quick hug before going inside the house.

You turn the car around and pull into Ryan’s driveway and sit in there for a moment before going into the house. You give yourself a couple minutes to think about the past few days, smiling and letting out a giggle when you can no longer contain the pure joy you feel.

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A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I'm excited for the next part, we're finally adding Harry to the mix soon!

Taglist:@akkatz @pandeebearstyles @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @theekyliepage @numafarawayglxy @booberry019-blog @hillzrry @ssareidbby

[nancypullen]

Not Dead Yet

It's me, the lady who used to spread nonsense far and wide courtesy of this blog. I can't express how much I miss emptying my brain into this space. I drag home after nine hours in the book mines and it's all I can do to eat, soak in a hot bath, and go to bed. I'm sorry to the handful of readers that I have left. Don't give up on me, this isn't forever. The reason that I'm here tonight is because this handsome guy just had a birthday.

He was born sixty-eight years ago in Washington D.C. when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. His father used to tell the story of walking around and around under those cherry blossoms waiting for news that his firstborn had arrived. That was back in the stone age when fathers weren't allowed in the delivery room. Although his birthday was earlier in the week, we'll be celebrating him tomorrow when the Edgewater gang arrives. I have to work until 2 o'clock but they can't start without me because I know where the presents are. He requested red velvet cake so that's what he shall have, and there will be gourmet pizzas (Jamie's recipes, Tyler manning the pizza oven - what a team!). Hopefully Mickey will feel the love and understand how happy we are that he was born. Of all the choices I've made in my life, he might be the very best one. While looking for an old photo of us to add to this post I came across this one. This was a few days before our wedding in 1984, at my parents' home in Florida. We were opening wedding gifts and apparently very excited about some flatware.

But I have questions. Why are we dressed alike? More importantly why are we dressed like WHAM?

Weren't they the guys who popularized wearing t-shirts under vests? I think Hall and Oates did it too. Regardless, you can bet that Mickey and Nancy were on the cutting edge of fashion, and out on the dance floor every chance we got. In hindsight, we look ridiculous. But the point of this ramble is, we looked ridiculous together. That's how we've gone through life since 1982. Now he's sixty-eight and I'm sixty and we still enjoy looking ridiculous together. Again, I'm awfully glad he was born. As the song says, he puts the boom-boom into my heart. Moving on. I'll work Saturday, I'm off Sunday, then I work three more days. On Thursday our plan is to drive up to Lancaster, Pennsylvania and spend a couple of days. It's just about two hours from us and we'd like to explore the area. I was excited until I saw the forecast for rain, rain, and more rain. I'm not sure how much exploring we can do in a downpour. Crossing my fingers that the forecast will change. We may need to change our plans if it doesn't. I'm off to bed, busy weekend ahead - work and an energetic six year old who was recently visited by the tooth fairy, twice. She lost her first tooth on Easter, and another at school on Wednesday! I can't wait to hear all about it. Is there anything cuter than a snaggle-toothed kid? Alright, sweet people, I'll sign off and go read until I fall asleep. I'm reading about shipwrecks (kind of like my life since we moved to Maryland, but you know I'll sing in the lifeboat). I hope that spring is making your heart light. I hope that whatever troubles you is small compared to what brings you joy. And, as always, I hope that you are safe and well. Sending out loads of love tonight. Take some and pass it on. XOXO, Nancy

[angeltreasure]

This is a weird question, is it a sin to attend the same mass twice? Background is I'm still learning about these things and I love attending Mass, but I didn't realise Saturday evening and Sunday morning are the same? I'm mostly curious because I want to fulfill the Holy days of obligation for Christmas eve and Christmas, but I don't want to do something wrong or be trivial about it

In the Catholic Church, a day starts on the vigil the night before the actual calendar day. Why do we do this? It echos back to our Jewish traditions. Shabbat is celebrated at sunset on Friday evening and ends on Saturday evening. For Christians, our Lord’s day is Sunday because of Easter Sunday when Jesus rose from the dead and unlocked the gates of Heaven. This is why we can complete our holy day of obligation for Sunday if we attend an evening vigil Mass on Saturday night.

This year, Christmas Eve is on Sunday and Christmas is on Monday. To fulfill the requirement for your Sunday obligation, you can attend Saturday evening/night’s vigil Mass or go anywhere on Sunday morning/afternoon.

To fulfill the requirement for Christmas Day, you can attend and evening/night/midnight Mass on Christmas Eve and anywhere on Christmas Day.

[Now, as for it being a sin or not, if you are sick and cannot attend a Sunday Mass it’s not held against you, if you need to work on Sunday because it’s the only way to support your family (for example) it’s not held against you. It would be a mortal sin if you deliberately wanted to miss a holy day of obligation just to sleep in or go out for breakfast for the day instead, you see.]

I would definitely look up what Mass days and times your church has and as a backup plan, look at two or three close by as well in case something comes up over the weekend suddenly. Set alarms as reminders. If it helps, do like I do, write out your check ahead of time and lay out your clothes for the next day. It really helps to take some of the stress away if you need to rush. Hope those help!

————

Now if you want to talk about solemnities that are not Christmas Eve/Day, that is an entire different matter. For example: January 1st is a holy day of obligation for most countries around the world. It falls on a Monday in 2024..However! I live in the United States. The bishops of the United States came together at some point in time (I presume whenever Vatican II happened? I’m not sure) and decided that for America, if a solemnity falls on a Saturday OR Monday, it is no longer considered a holy day of obligation. Meaning, as a Catholic living in the United States, you will not fall into mortal sin if you do not go to Mass for January 1st next year, but you could in other counties. Confusing right? I just learned about that one myself despite being Catholic for a while so definitely ask a priest for more detail if you want on that kind of thing haha! I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. I’ll still being going to Mass for January 1st regardless, because I love our Lady and I love the Mass (and I’m not working that day haha)!

——-

You as a laity are allowed to have Holy Communion up to twice a day. Now that’s one I need to figure out sometime.

[softlyfiercely]

FOR THoSE FOLLOWING THE #EASTERBASKETS SAGA

I can happily report that while it was still a bit of a clusterfuck, it was a clusterfuck in predictable and unavoidable ways, for which I was prepared for, and

I TOTALLY PULLED IT OFF.

So, initially, I'd decided to make the "Easter Gift Making" event begin at 1:00 in the afternoon on Holy Saturday. I chose this time because it would have been a major hassle to include lunch in the program but it needed to be early enough in the day to allow time for drivers to deliver them but also not require people to wake up early on a Saturday, so can't be "after breakfast before lunch."

(Church programming for children and families almost always includes food, so I either needed to meet that expectation or explicitly buck it)

HOWEVER

All the schools in this area happen to be on spring break THIS WEEK, so like 90% of the most engaged, involved children & families were like "sorry we won't be there for any Holy Week stuff"

(this has caused some Consternation re: children's involvement in Maundy Thursday and Palm Sunday and Good Friday stuff, so, it's just been part of the larger situation surrounding The Easter Baskets)

so, I'd only heard from two families that they were coming, and it's two kids who are friends, so then one family said they actually had a conflict at 1:00 but could come at 11:00, I was like you know what, sure. we'll be there at 11:00.

But of course there still has to be something for kids who arrive at 1:00 to do, because that WAS the initially set time for the event, and we don't technically require RSVPs, it's just that things are so shoestring right now that it comes down to stuff like this.

so I tell the other family "hey, if your kid comes at 1:00, they might be the only one there, but their friend will be there at 11:00" and they were like ok cool we can actually change our plans

so then at 11:00 I just set up with two kids and we got going.

unfortunately if you remember from chapter one of this saga i am inexplicably sharing on tumblr, the whole activity of "making the easter gifts" was designed to be something where a bunch of kids (6-12 is the average attendance at these things) can have a good time making them. so it was just very different Vibes. and we set up in the kitchen where one kid's mom was setting up for tomorrow's Easter Brunch instead of the usual children's programming space, and we just got to it

the two kids had a great time, they got to be very involved and hands-on. and the Easter gifts got made and they were lovely - I wish I could have taken a photo for y'all but there would be no way to show them to you without being somehow identifying.

we cut and tied ribbons around the jars. they filled the jars with water and arranged the flowers in the jars. then they put these watercolor flower stickers on some pastel colored gift bags I'd gotten.

then they colored in cards that i had made, which had a FUCKING TASTEFUL AND CUTE, NOT BANANAS "Happy Easter" line drawing with crosses and bunnies that the kids could color in, and then on the inside it said "my name is" "i am years old" "my Easter prayer for you is" and the kids, in their adorable little kid handwriting and spelling, wrote their names, their ages, and their Easter prayers which were things like "we are thikig of you" and "haav a joyful easter"

and then they helped me make sure one of each thing that i had prepared earlier (chocolate bar, Easter bulletin, "scriptural item," and card signed by priest) was in each bag.

as a bonus, because we only had two kids, and one of the kids belonged to the parent who was there prepping tomorrow's brunch, she just kind of fed us lunch from the leftovers of what she was making, so the food thing actually totally worked out

then, of course I had to wait until 1:00, and sure enough, a family showed up with their two kids, and by then the other two kids had left for their other engagements, so it was awkward in that way of "yay...you're the only ones here..." but I was prepared for that as much as I could be, and so we set up with the cards and they made some more cards, and we added them to the bags.

and i got some quality one-on-one time with the kids, who haven't been around as much so I don't know them as well, and we had some good bonding, and the cards they made were really sweet (they were a bit older than the other kids, the children's program is all ages 5-11 which is a wide developmental range)

and THEN, THE DELIVERIES which were an absolute fucking NIGHTMARE last year, but they went so smoothly.

There was one address that was pretty far out and I was worried about finding a driver for that, but then a friend of that guy's just emailed me like "hey I'll take his basket" (THEY'RE NOT BASKETS) so that was a problem solved. and then i lined up some volunteers for deliveries, but one of them dropped out last minute which would have sucked EXCEPT that the family that came late/on time was like oh we wanted to deliver some, so i got to be like oh sure yes definitely! here is a formational participation opportunity just for you!!!

and one of the other delivery volunteers sent me an email afetrwards thanking me for organizing this and saying she'd had a great time delivering them and wished she'd signed up for more!

augh - i'm just, i'm good at my job, y'all. i figured out how to make this a positive, formational, community building experience for all involved despite some pretty major challenges!

now...on to the sunrise vigil! at which i will be performing a poem! that i wrote! just now! aaahhh!

[thatwitchkarma]

If This Doesn't Prove Reincarnation Is Real, I Don't Know What Will....

!!TRIGGER ALERT!!

Mentions of loss/death

This picture may seem like just a regular picture of a young man holding a happy baby at first but wait till you hear the backstory.... This man does not know this child at all, whatsoever; they are strangers to each other (except so they thought).

The parents of this child were at the DMV when this man walked in and sat down right next to them. As soon as the baby looked over at this young man he started to become fussy. The parents tried to calm the baby down but he was not calming down. He started to become squirmy and discontent. The baby fought to get out of his parents arms and crawled right onto the lap of this young man.

The man being a good sport about the situation he welcomed the baby to sit with him and he supported him so he wouldn't fall off of him. The parents were relieved that the young man didn't get upset but were actually quite surprised at their baby's actions! They apologized to him and told him that their baby has never acted like this with ANYONE ever before!

As everyone knows, the DMV can take hours of your time; so the parents and this young man started to get to know one another and they found out that this man had just moved there from another state getting away from where he had just gone through a very traumatic event in his life and needed a change. The parents were naturally curious and a bit confused on what he meant so they had to ask what he meant by that and what he said next shocked them!

With a deep breath he tells them that a year ago his older brother was in the middle of upgrading his kitchen, a project he had been meticulously planning for months. He decided to replace the old gas stove with a new one, believing he could handle the installation himself. However, during the process, he accidentally left a gas line unsecured. As he continued working, the room slowly filled with gas, undetected. When he went to connect the last electrical component, a tiny spark ignited the gas, causing a massive explosion. The force of the blast tore through his home leaving destruction in its wake. The explosion was so powerful that it not only destroyed the kitchen but also caused structural damage to the rest of the building. Unfortunately, nor his brother or his dog had any chance to escape. The only positive thing in this situation is his wife and kids were out visiting her sister for Easter when this tragedy happened.

Everyone had tears in their eyes after the story and the couple gave this young man their condolences when the wife of the couple gasps after realizing what the man just said. She has to ask this young man one thing to make sure what she's thinking is correct; remembering that he said he lost his brother a year ago close to Easter she asks him on what day was it exactly? To the couples surprise he said the Saturday before Easter Sunday. With wide eyes she looks at him pointing at her son still on his lap and says,

"That's when he was born."

[run-sam-run]

Week in Review (3/17 - 3/24)

This week is full of more failure than triumph unfortunately. Starting this past weekend I celebrated my god daughter's birthday and St Patrick's Day in a 48 hour span, and while I was able to mitigate the caloric damages with some soccer on Saturday, I was so incredibly busy with work throughout the week that managing to fit in anything more than two lifts and one treadmill run was just too much to ask.

Work got incredibly busy and I had to make sacrifices during the week, unfortunately I allowed this, paired with my birthday this week, to indulge on sweets, put a pause on exercising as diligently, and eating on a far more disordered schedule. From Wednesday on, we ate out in some capacity nearly every day, having a wedding tasting on Wednesday, a birthday celebration dinner on Friday and Saturday, and then celebrating my significant other's grandmother's birthday on Sunday, followed by an early Easter dinner with my family.

I was unable to fit in any exercise this weekend, and the eating and drinking I did from Wednesday to today has caused me to remain stagnant in weight and then balloon up this morning to 226. I know that it's primarily water weight and bloating from less than ideal eating, but it feels like such a stupid set back to have to work back down to my seven day average of 223, just to get my schedule, eating and drinking habits ruined again this weekend when we go to visit my soon to be brother-in-law in California.

While I'm disheartened with where I'm starting this week, I've surprisingly felt determined and ready to catch up on a short week that is bound to be wild, and get my self back in order and take on this travel heavy long weekend with a strong sense of determination with regards to exercise, calorie tracking, and alcohol limitation.

My goals for the week are as follows:

Hit all of my workouts this week (this will be tricky as I'll have to find time to squeeze in a run while I'm away, but I'm determined to run--even on a vacation!)

Track calories every day of the week, no exceptions

Limit my drinking this weekend to only one night (we have night-time plans with future BIL and his friends, so I'll be allowing myself a night with a couple of drinks, but ultimately limiting total intake).

I'm confident that I'll be able to tackle this week and start April off on the right foot. Based on my weight loss goal for the year, my first weigh-in is April 1st, and to stay on track for the total weight loss of 30lbs, I should weigh in at about 222.50 on average. That should be no problem if I stick to my tracking, don't allow travel to make me feel like I should ease up, and fit in all of my workouts!

[wouldyouliketobee]

Alright prople an new month is arriving, and i need to make a diet plan, i repeat, i need a new diet plan because, as usual, the last one did not work, i also didnt stick to it.. and i got BORED!!......SO! this month, my goal is to up my restrictions and raise my metabolism, for that:

Monday: 1500 cals

Tuesday: 1400 cals

Wednesday: 800 cals

Thursday: 600 cals

Friday: 600 cals

Saturday: fast

Sunday: let's be honest I always binge on Sunday so fuck it, but the binges will be planed ;;D

Depending on how it goes the plan might evolve

Some rules I will have for myself:

Specific times for eating

Planing meals ahead

Snack before dinner (so I don't end up putting too much food on my plate out of hunger

1 real meal a day (this might change

Daily yoga

500ml of tea (I'm making myself drink more water, this is an effort for me :,)

Only serve myself once

Be the last to start and to finish eating

Weight myself every day (exept period

Try to walk 5000 steps a day

Only get a spoon of something (NO CARBS

Binges will be planed

I will also post my starting weights and end weights of every week because fuck it why not, I'm a bit scared for easter..

[stephiramona]

The tale of two cities according to Heiko and Stephi - Part 364

First of all, Heiko and I want to thank you for following our tales and for the comments you share. Heiko and I really appreciate that. Without you it wouldn't be so much fun.

It's Easter Sunday today, and in the past years Heiko and I wrote in our tales a lot about Easter in our hometowns. Today, I won't repeat that. Today, I want to get more personal. I'll write about my Easter plans and hope you will share yours.

My family isn't very religious, so we don't follow many traditions. But my whole family didn't any eat meat on Good Friday, during a 30's mafia themed "crime dinner Easter brunch". You see, not very Easter like, but a lot of fun.

Today I visited my in-laws. We had a Bavarian "Weißwurstfrühstück", which is a bavarian speciality. My cute little nephew went Easter eggs hunting, and we enjoyed seeing each other, which we would love to do more often.

The first photo shows Heiko's Easter decorations, and the second one shows the chocolate bunnies for my team at work. I made it a tradition to hide them, and they can hunt for them on Saturday when they have to work. One year they said I shouldn't make it too easy for them, and so I hid them them so good that we found the last chocolate eggs two years later.

How do you celebrate Easter? Do you have any special traditions? If you're not Christian and don't celebrate Easter, please do not hesitate to share a nice tradition of one of your holidays.

[engineers-curry]

Okay, I'd really love to do a longer ask/prompt night thing over Easter and so far the plan would be:

Friday: pairs we don't talk about often/rare pairs/ prompts & drabbles - like any pairing is completely fine (except 4433) and I'd post a few prompt lists beforehand, so you can pick one that interests you and send it in

Saturday: nsfw asks - since we rarely do that, I hope it's okay and all pairings again, should be fine!!

Sunday: merc ask night - anything merc team related, whatever you want. We can also do a few more prompts and short drabbles here but please send them in advance :)

Let me know if you are on board with this idea or if you have wishes/other ideas for it!! I really hope that this will work out, since I have a lot of time over Easter 💖

[piecesofmicorazon]

my birthday and bee

so. here i am...

my birthday was actually very lovely. on the 13th, my friends surprised me with a cake and stayed for nice chats. we have discovered that menelik is probably in love with me.

bee made a comment about him being short and i had to talk to her about that. i want all my friends to like her, i want them to see how i see her. and i hope it will continue this way..

on saturday -- my sweet bee planned the most beautiful day for me. i have never experienced such care and love and adoration, other than my mom. she took me on a picnic, made sandwiches, bought a picnic blanket, brought chips and fruit -- because she knows i always eat fruit with my meals.

then we walked around and watched a random soccer game, i loved seeing her get so into it.

it followed by us going to a wonderful and very fancy dinner, followed by a surprise trip to bowling. where we actually played arcade games the whole time.

we talked about our wedding, our futures, our goals. i realized that i do want a life with her. and i'm scared because i'm almost positive that i can't have it.

sunday was easter. i've decided that i want to go to a new church. from the homophobic vibes to his preaching style in general, we're going to try something new. it was easter, but it didn't feel like easter.

then we went home, baked the banana bread as fast as we could, and off to menelik's we went. it was so cute. everything was decorated.. for me! sparklers, banners, food, sandwiches, baked goods, it was so lovely.. and all my friends were there. it was cute..

so that's what happened. now let's debrief.

overall, it was a pretty good birthday. i realized that i was super loved and how people really do value me as a friend. people to care about me, and they really will show up for me. yet.. i realize that i do love more intimate settings. with my people, with the people who know me best. the ones i feel most comfortable with. i was happy to be going home w bee and jordy after the day was over.

i am so so grateful for jordy who gave it her all, for nene who put in the efforts, and most of all - my sweet sweet bee.

i have been avoiding this because i don't want to face it. i don't want to think about the possibility of saying no to her one day, to losing her, to hurting her, or anything in between. i don't want to plea with God because i know His answer already. i don't want to get close to Him because i can't bear the thought of not having her as my partner.

i have never experienced such love in my life. and it's been truly a dream. she has been the partner of my dreams, everything i've hoped for. the movies and the books and the songs come to life now that i'm with her, and i'm so scared..

God. i don't know what to do.. i can't see any way that this could work at the end of the day. but this is the love i deserve, how can it be possible? i cannot bear the weight of the world, the thoughts and opinions of everyone, i can't do it..

the way she knows me, wants to know me, takes care of me, adores me, and loves me. i feel like this is what love is supposed to truly look like. we were talking about our weddings our futures, and i didn't see it in general -- i saw it with her. the way she already adores my mom, the way she holds me and comforts me when i cry, the way she makes me better. how can i ever let this go... how could you ever ask me to?

Lord -- if this is not from you. please i need to know, i need your help. i need you to force each other to end it, because as of this current moment -- i can't do it. that's is my honest heart. and i pray that you won't ask this of me..

and yet-- thank you for another year around the sun. another year full of love and light. help me to cling to you like never before.. to be on fire for you again. i don't want anything to hold me back from that. especially when it shouldn't be.

i pray bee and i could stop having sex, because we want to honor you.

i pray i will go to paris and it will be the most beautiful trip, and i would make it back safely again.

i pray i'll get my green card in the next year..

and i pray my mom loves bj. and i pray she can get out of that house soon.

and i pray that you would be God over my life.

[pipelinelaserraygun]

How are you using your FEET, in the days following Christ's resurrection?

⬆️ A contemporary adaptation of two Men headed seven miles away from Jerusalem, on-FOOT, who were among the very FIRST persons to see Jesus back again among the living FOLLOWING Christ's crucifixion.

HARD EVIDENCE: there was skepticism when Jesus suddenly appeared before his inner circle, UNTIL he exposed his disfigured hands and FEET, to them.

A great many lessons taught by Jesus weren't immediately understood by the Disciples. ONLY LATER would they get it.

The healing of Dorian, who was under demonic possession by a LEGION, was 1 of these lessons.

This is another one of those MAJOR ⬆️ takeaways that must have lingered in the minds of Christ's Apostles, LONG AFTERWARDS: why would God, through the act of washing feet, bother showing compassion to a person who carried out plans to HARM HIS SERVANT?

👑👰 Mrs Christ is tasked to FOLLOW IN THE FOOTSTEPS of the Heavenly Bridegroom.

Early on Easter Sunday, God gave ME an opportunity to "wash someone's feet". I partook of a 3 and 1/2-hour conversation with a FAMILY member. It's the people that are CLOSEST to you who can injure you the worst!

He had disparaged my ministry work.

In the staged play "Jesus" ⬆️, which aired on Holy Saturday, there was a moment that depicted Jesus Christ washing the feet of Judas Iscariot.

I was sitting there, taking the scene in, thinking about how difficult it would be for me to do the SAME: washing the feet of people who don't have my best interests at heart, and/or who have done me wrong. A total of three persons came to my mind.

AND YET, NOT ONLY IS THIS EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO, BUT LESS THAN 24 HOURS LATER, I WAS MENDING FENCES WITH ONE OF THOSE PERSONS IN MY LIFE.

I share this in the hope that you would be encouraged to get up off YOUR sofa, and wash the feet of YOUR "Judas" that (in your rear-view mirror) HAS been a thorn in your life. Letting bygones be bygones ain't easy, but our LORD requires it.

Your BODY as a lot to deal with right now, without perpetuating a Judas component to ongoing concerns!

Pipeline Laser Raygun is 🍇 NEW WINE + FRESH MANNA. Some persons won't accept ministries that are unorthodox. I've decided to accept that there are old acquaintances of MINE who I'd really like for them to get behind what I do, but it's not their "cup of tea". HOLDING GRUDGES slows recovery time.

Should we use our feet to pump the brakes, in the days AHEAD, or to put our pedal to the metal? As with all prayer concerns, lay EVERYTHING at the altar-footstool of the Almighty.

[raisingsupergirl]

Lent 2021 and Some Spiritual Warfare

We did it! We survived 2020! It's all smooth sailing from here on out! There's no more conflict, no more oppression, no poverty, no death, and no fear. We're all free to live in the utopia that is 2021. And it all feels like… more of the same. For example, on Saturday, in the span of an hour, my dog pooped in no less than 20 different parts of my in-laws basement (not exaggerating), my wife broke their cabinet, and the electricity went out. We had a hunch it was coming though, right? As I said in my post last week, we all knew that we would have to do some climbing to make it out of our hole. Well, I also said last week that I had some steps in place to begin my own climb, so I guess it's time to get it all out there.

New Years' Resolutions have never been my thing. Their very essence is that of temporary commitments. They're set up for eventual failure. And so, I've never really made them. However, this year is different. Why? Because 2020 left me (like most people, I'm guessing) with an inordinate amount of baggage (fear, anger, instant gratification, lethargy, apathy, distraction, escapism, etc.), which will require some extra effort to break free. And because I'm tying my resolutions to something bigger. I'm strengthening them with the thing I do every year that DOES work to get my life back on track, and I'm hopeful that this year they'll change my life forever. You see, this year, my birthday falls on Easter, which is special because, for a non-Catholic, I take Lent VERY seriously. I give up a ton of vices and distractions so I can focus in on the important things in life. Namely, I focus in on my purpose for living: Love God with all your heart, soul, and strength, and love your neighbors as yourself.

As in previous years, I'm going to list everything here that I'm going to "give up" and everything I'm going to "pick up," but in an effort to really separate 2021 from 2020, I'm not waiting. I'm going to kick things off right now. Rather, I've ALREADY kicked them off. January 1 marked the beginning of my six-week boot camp where my dos and don'ts are black and white. Either I'm doing them or I'm not. And THEN, for six weeks after that, I'm going to ease back into things in moderation, which I'm hopeful will help me maintain my purposefulness. If I have a glass of whiskey, for instance, I'm going to just have one, and I'm going to be mindful of the hand that provided it for me. I’m going to see it for what it is: a gift meant to supplement life, not define it. And if you've done the math, you'll know that in twelve weeks, we'll be celebrating Easter (and my birthday). In this way, I've set apart the first quarter of 2021 to be holy, to be contemplative, to be purposeful. I plan to root out my true desires, goals, strengths, and weaknesses. I plan to strip away the distractions and dependencies so, hopefully, when that holiest of holidays is upon us, I'll have a much clearer picture of what's ahead. And so, in an effort to keep my mission clear, here's what I'm committing to for the next six weeks (and in purposeful moderation for six more weeks after that).

I will: go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, exercise every morning, read my Bible every morning, read a "just or fun" book every night, read my devotional and spend time in reflection every night, do yoga or stretch every night, and read to my kids at least once a week.

I won't: drink alcohol or caffeine, use tobacco, use YouTube or social media, snack on weeknights, eat fast food during the week, watch TV or play video games during the week, dwell on lustful thoughts or images, or

I know, quite a list, huh? I know you're all impressed. I'm a pretty great person… Okay, okay. If you know me, you know I'm joking. And you also know I'm an all or nothing kind of person (I think most people are). Life's just easier on autopilot. Which is why I'm making these big changes for six weeks and then easing back into "regular" habits for another six weeks. Sure, I could continue the ascetic life ad infinitum (aka deny myself earthly pleasures forever), but as a Christian, I belief God created the diversities of life for us to enjoy. So hopefully the next three months are transformative for me. Hopefully they lend perspective and focus, peace and appreciation, so that I can, in turn be more effective at seeing and acting out God's will for my life, even if that transformation doesn’t come easy.

Oh, I almost forgot. There's one more thing. This is my last blog post for the next six weeks, too. Believe me, this is not an easy decision, as I've blogged literally every week since my six-year-old daughter was born. But the circumstances surrounding this decision can't be ignored. However, before I explain them, I'll ask you to remember that my nature is that of an extreme skeptic and pragmatist (sometimes to a fault), so I don't accept or share this event lightly. Okay, with that out of the way, here goes. I've suffered from sleep paralysis off and on my whole life. Sometimes, it's the classic phenomenon where my mind wakes up before my body, and the disconnect results in a sensation of being physically held down, usually by a dark, featureless evil (it's where the word "nightmare" comes from: a mare/evil spirit sitting on one's chest and holding him down. The paintings are a little terrifying…). It's pretty awful, but it's physiological. Sometimes, however, it's something… different. And this last Sunday morning, it was definitely different.

You know those times when you're half-awake and things just make sense? Or when you're in the shower, or driving, or knitting and you have an "aha" moment? Well, I awoke around 5:30 a.m. on Sunday with that kind of clarity. But it wasn't a good thing. I was aware of something… attacking me. There's no other way to say it. It wasn't standing in the doorway or holding me down like sleep paralysis. It was inside. And it was angry, jealous. And it was lashing out. I won't get into the specifics, but two days into giving up my life of gluttony and I'd already made the Deceiver mad. I vividly experienced threats, taunts, bargains, temptations, and even brief physical pain. There were times when I (or he) tried to reason that it was sleep paralysis, but it was nowhere the same. And the funny thing is, when I called out to God, the "other" voice faded almost immediately. Not gone, just pushed back. It took close to a half an hour of prayer to silence it completely, but after that, something beautiful happened. Peace. Lucidity. Things made sense in a beautiful way. My desires and motivations, God's desires FOR me, the path I should take. It's times like those when it's easy to believe in a higher power—a being who understands things in ways that we can't imagine. Not how physics works or where the best coffee comes from, but something deeper, set apart. And in that moment, I tapped into some part of that being's thoughts and emotions that worked together and just made sense.

Again, I'm aware that this sounds ridiculous. But I learned a while ago to not judge other people when I've not walked in their shoes, so I'd challenge you to keep an open mind. I've been blessed with experiences like these a few times in my life, and (without going into the specifics), this one made it clear that I'm draining my creativity and motivation without filling it back up. I'm not purposely taking in beauty for beauty's sake. I'm not appreciating art and human achievement without pouring my own energy into it for other people. No, when I have a thought, I have to share it with the world. I have to distill it, polish it, and try to do it BETTER for other people. Every experience is burdened with the need to turn it into a lesson for YOU. And because of that, I'm going dry. I'm burning out. And that's why I have to give up blogging for a while. I have to refill. I have to stop worrying about what I'm producing and go back to enjoying life without strings attached.

Okay, sorry for the lost post, but hey, I had a lot to say since you won't hear from me for a while. If you want to get ahold of me for the next six weeks, text or private message me. I'll still check those. But in the meantime, I'm going to slow down. I'm going to smell the roses (thank God I have my smell back!). I'm going to listen to whispers and enjoy each breath. Oh, and I'm going to fight the urge to tell you about the profoundness of those breaths. It's gonna be wild.

Like every year, I'm sure I'll fail. I'm sure I'll slip up with a cheeseburger or a few cookies before bed. But that's not the point. I'll move on without letting it derail the bigger goal. I'll forgive myself (as God forgives me) and keep focused on what these actions are designed facilitate—identifying and reshaping my true desires. If I can do that, anything's possible. So here's to a transformative 2021, friends. The sky's not the limit. It's just the beginning.