#and i don't particularly feel that need anymore

[antianakin]

Someone mentioned in the notes that Obi-Wan would have already done this with Anakin by taking Anakin on after Qui-Gon's death. The idea that he might have to attempt it TWICE is very depressing.

I do think that this would be an interesting dynamic in a lot of ways because Ahsoka I think would be FAR less receptive to Obi-Wan taking on thaat role than Anakin was, and than Obi-Wan would've been to Qui-Gon. Anakin barely spent all that much time with Qui-Gon before his death, so the switch from Qui-Gon to Obi-Wan isn't quite as difficult, and Obi-Wan would've likely spent quite a lot of time with BOTH Feemor and Qui-Gon before Feemor died and was still on good terms with Qui-Gon when Qui-Gon took over his training.

Ahsoka, by contrast, hasn't even fully decided she wants to become a Jedi by the time Order 66 happens and is on somewhat rocky ground in her relationship with Obi-Wan at the time (she's relatively friendly in their last conversation, but she's still distant and she was pretty quick to jump down his throat when he didn't immediately tell her what she wanted to hear earlier). There's also the issue of Obi-Wan knowing that he's taking over for Anakin because Anakin BETRAYED THEM ALL. Depending on when in the timeline Ahsoka actually met up with Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan may not know that Anakin survived (and also depending on which canon you ascribe to about when he discovers that information), but if it's after he DOES know that, then he's taking over for a master that ISN'T ACTUALLY DEAD.

And we all know how attached Ahsoka is to Anakin and how unwilling she is to accept the truth about what he did, her guilt surrounding what she believes to be her part in Anakin's ultimate fate and how that hinders her. I don't get the feeling that Ahsoka would take this information well, and I could EASILY see her turning on Obi-Wan and blaming him for not trying to give Anakin more of a chance and for either killing Anakin or leaving him to die.

The history that Ahsoka and Obi-Wan have together and their shared connection to Anakin COULD be helpful in allowing Ahsoka to face those feelings head-on and heal from them and return down the path of becoming a Jedi, but it could also go the exact opposite way. That history and their shared connection to Anakin could become a wall between them, something that just causes more pain and misunderstandings.

It would be the MESSIEST transition of them all since it involves having to heal individually from the pain that Order 66 encompassed on its own, as well as having to get over all of Ahsoka's issues stemming from the Wrong Jedi arc, and likely having to UNDO some of the bad training Ahsoka got from Anakin in the first place before Ahsoka is even willing to admit she wants to return to being a Jedi and even once she reaches that point, she and Obi-Wan might both feel like this isn't a particularly great match anymore and that Ahsoka would be better with literally anyone else. They MIGHT choose to stick it out together, but I think they'd have to be pretty careful around each other and couldn't necessarily fall into the more typical Master/Padawan dynamic. They can't just go back to who they were, they're both irrevocably changed by what's been done to them.

There's potentially some healing that could happen between them, but my instinct is to believe that even if they DID help each other heal from Anakin's betrayal, they still can't slot into a Master/Padawan relationship and would need to start fresh with other people in order to let go of that desire to cling to the past that just continues to cause them pain. (I also think Ahsoka would probably chafe at being stuck on Tatooine the way Obi-Wan has committed himself to and needs someone more willing to go out and be more active in the rebellion.)

One of the reasons that the headcanon that Qui-Gon "repudiated" Feemor post-Xanatos really bothers me is that the characterization we get of Qui-Gon really lends itself more to the idea that he might've CLUNG to Feemor rather than pushed him away. There's zero indication that Qui-Gon has cut off all contact with the people he had relationships with prior to Xanatos (Yoda, Mace, Tahl) and one of the reasons he's so disinclined to take a new apprentice is the fear that he'll make the same mistakes he did with Xanatos and cause their fall. But if he has a whole other apprentice that he WAS successful with, wouldn't he instead cling to that proof that he's not actually a failure? Even just as a comfort?

I propose an AU where Qui-Gon actually ends up partnering with Feemor post-Xanatos in order to always have that comfort nearby. Feemor wants Qui-Gon to get back into the saddle of teaching but knows Qui-Gon well enough to understand that throwing him into that saddle won't go well for anybody, so he decides on a trickier plan and takes a Padawan of his own (his first Padawan since he became a Knight) and ask for Qui-Gon's assistance. Since Qui-Gon is partnering with him, it's inevitable that they'd end up basically sharing the responsibility of teaching any Padawan that Feemor takes, but Feemor intentionally makes sure Qui-Gon knows that he's nervous about it and will want his Master's guidance.

So instead of becoming Qui-Gon's Padawan, Obi-Wan ends up becoming FEEMOR'S Padawan. Qui-Gon sees right through all of this of course, but he can't really do anything about it and he doesn't really mind helping Feemor with a Padawan the way he would if he had sole responsibility. He bonds with Obi-Wan relatively easily and the three of them become an incredible team.

And then you can get real angsty with it and say that Feemor died before the events of TPM, so Qui-Gon obviously took over Obi-Wan's apprenticeship on his own afterwards.

[a-most-beloved-fool]

I'm kind of surprised there aren't more Garak hanahaki* fics. There are some, certainly (I know @tokidokifish has two garashir hanahaki fics which are quite excellent), but the concept of being killed by your love is... very very "sentiment is the greatest weakness". It fits in well with Garak's arc.

You could do fatal hanahaki, but I'm also imagining like. chronic hanahaki where it applies to more than just romantic love. You could have a young Garak seeking Tain's approval as a mentor or father, coughing up flowers and getting mocked by him for it. You could have older Garak, finally no longer coughing up flowers for Tain, proud of his accomplishment in excising his "weakness", his sentiment. Garak at his height in the Obsidian Order, wondering if it's better to kill someone than be weakened by his sentiment for them. Then, Garak's even older, and he's just been exiled, and now he's coughing up flowers for Cardassia, his home, who no longer wants or needs his services. There's always a flower caught in his throat on the station. This becomes normal to him; he can't just stop loving Cardassia. Maybe he doesn't even notice when, later, Julian's petals join the mix - he just assumes that his longing for home is getting ever stronger.

idk. there's potential, is what I'm saying. <3

*for those unfamiliar - hanahaki is a trope wherein, if a person is in (what they perceive to be) unrequited love with someone, particularly if they resent that it's unrequited or try to repress the feelings, they may develop flowers/vegetation which grow within their lungs, causing them to cough up petals. the main "cure" is resolution of the feelings, such as them being requited (or learned to have been requited all along, often) or being accepted or abandoned. Often, it is written as fatal unless cured in that way. it's also sometimes chronic and non-deadly instead.

PLEASE NOTE that it is rather easy to make this trope unintentionally Very aro-phobic (aphobic? or is that just for asexual? idk) (for example, commonly it's possible to get the flowers surgically removed, but doing so removes the ability of the patient to ever love again, and then they portray that as, like, the Worst Thing Imaginable, which... is obviously weird and rude. like i'm aromantic and i'm rather content, actually. maybe don't paint me as a demon in your cute lil shippy fic thanks. they'll actually be just fine if they can't love anymore, I prommy), so perhaps exercise some caution, and, uh. don't do that. that's aro-phobic as FUCK. but it's a fun trope if done well. leads to lots of angsty pining and near-death-experiences <3

[ygnoge]

now, I know that this has been my handle on most websites for over a decade, but... what if I finally did away with @birenza

[rcmclachlan]

what if i put my life in your hands? what if i took your life in mine?

[benetnvsch]

what if I change my major again,,,,,

[lieutenantselnia]

Yesterday I've been doing some proper physical exercise for the first time since last year and I'm just imagining how proud my f/os would be of me🥹

[mellowdarkness]

laying in bed with the heat-up plushie I got for Christmas last year and haven't used yet

might post a pic later

(of the plushie)

[faunabel]

agh... kind of worried we might not have the money to afford rent tomorrow... and since my parents paid late yesterday from my sister taking the car and they're mad at us and said they'll kick us out if we don't pay by 11 tomorrow. agh...

once again hate to ask for money but if anyone has any to spare... just in case it's needed... because like i said if it's 11 tomorrow and it's not paid then it's Over and i will in fact be on the streets 😔 and then if it's not needed i'll still have it in case of emergencies!!! and i can even give it back once i'm financially stable if wanted i prommy

[thegempage]

i don't feel like looking for it rn bcus of the mood i find myself in but i need to like. tattoo that post about wishing your mind would be kinder to you and then remembering that you have to do that on my fucking eyelids.

[themonsterunderthebed]

guys it's time we all talked about your use of the words "young" and "old"

you seem to think. that this is a binary. a person is either young. or a person is old. i am here to give you the joyful news that there is a whole swath of time - the majority of your life, even - where you are no longer young but are also not yet old. something in the middle, so to speak. a..... middle age.........

but seriously the reaction to people calling a 38 year old (which is ridiculous) does not need to be insisting that 38 year old is young (ridiculous in the other direction). like. they're not. sorry. they are nowhere near old but they are no spring daisy anymore either

in summary life does not exist on a strict binary where you are Young until one day a switch flips and you are Old and perhaps it is a minor quibble but i think it would do people good to realize and recognize that

[cosmicsnufkin]

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[feroluce]

smth smth yingfeng paralleling farcille

(magically inclined long lived partner tries to defy death by bringing their short lived partner back to life/have immortality but they come out Wrong(tm) instead)

just. the parallels <3

RIGHT? Like oh my god I love the idea of it: a mortal and immortal character falling in love, and the immortal one doing something horribly taboo for them to be together forever. But maybe they fuck something up, or maybe it's just their punishment for playing god, but their now-immortal lover Comes Back Wrong.

I'm actually not caught up on dunmeshi (I get the gist of farcille from socmed, though) but I really like an Inuyasha/Kikiyo flavor to it- Mortal lover is full of rage and hatred, immortal one can't not love them, and then they romantically and dramatically die together murder-suicide style and drag each other to hell. You know, the good shit. ☆

It is one of my ideal dynamics for a bad end pairing. And I do like necromancy shenanigans with a happier/good end, like farcille style too! Just...I don't like either situation for yingyue.

I don't think there's anything wrong with playing with them that way as long as you don't pass it off as canon, like I say all of this with no judgment. But I'm picky and I like to follow canon more closely so I can't really see them in that kind of scenario haha.

It's just! Yingxing's whole deal is that he's a haughty, spiteful, arrogant asshole of a man whose life mission is to be such a damn good craftsman that he can tell all the Xianzhou Natives who looked down on him to suck his short life species dick and flip them the bird. Him being made immortal takes all the fun out of it for me and kinda removes a central part of his character. I LOVE him being petty and full of himself. He should do it more!

And I am so so dearly enamored with the relationship between him and Baiheng. I can't write her out of the whole equation, especially considering she and Yingxing both Came Back Wrong from this incident, and she was the actual intended target.

Like. He loved her. Yingxing loved her. Baiheng was so, so important to him. She's referred to as "the beloved" in Blade's character stories. He called her his bosom friend. He handmade a jade flask just for her.

Not a weapon,

not something she needed,

not something he was doing to show off,

just a flask.

Something pretty, and just for her, something that she would like and use everyday. Not a need, but a want. He did it simply because he wanted to give her a present.

She was the first person to really encourage and believe in him. She helped him come out of his shell (so all that arrogance is her fault BSMZJMS). That animated short where they went up in her star skiff together and she called him cute fucking killed me. They make me chew concrete.

And she was really important to Dan Feng too! He wouldn't have tried to bring her back, otherwise! She died saving him. And he knew what he was doing when he chose to try to bring her back as a Vidyadhara. He had to have. There's no way he couldn't have known that his life was forfeit after this. They don't let you get away with purposely breaking one of the Ten Unpardonable Sins like that.

And he chose to do it anyway. He still chose her life over his own. Dan Feng loved her, too.

He and Yingxing both worked together to try to bring her back because she was someone neither of them could bear to lose.

So if anything, I feel like yingyue is more like larcille bringing back their beloved Falin haha

But no matter who is romantically involved with who, like. It's the love between all three of them that's important.

That's the secret ingredient that makes the triumph of Falin's rebirth and the horrific tragedy of the Sedition of Imbibitor Lunae so emotional. Because these were things that could not have happened unless they all loved each other.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I think I've been touchy lately about my feelings of access to/participation in generativity. I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately by how much needs doing and how much disparate but necessary information I'm keeping in my head. I should probably get back into my thought maps for the work on the yard and house, because I think that will make it easier for me to empty my head when I'm not actively trying to work on something.

[zevrans-remade]

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

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[turtlemagnum]

thinking about how the people around me, particularly people i dont know anymore, impacted my fantasy setting. the raccoon people i added because of a friend who wanted to be a raccoon. goblins existing in the way that they do because of someone i still know who really likes a specific kind of goblin, and made me like them too. even minor things, like deciding that a character's eyes were gray because the person i was talking to also had gray eyes. there"s definitely a lot of me in there, but there's still little bits and pieces of others in there too