#and i didnt have jt in me to put it out of its misery so i had to call my brother

[addicted-to-procrastination]

I could never be a farmer id have to cull an animal or mercy kill something that got horrifically injured by my equipment and I wouldn't be able to do it and I'd cry for 7 days

[suicidetu3sday]

why me out of everyone you could have picked why me weasel-sheep I didnt fucking do anything to make you miss me. I want to forget about you forever. I shouldnt even be fucking replying to you because im giving you what you want. Youre fucking unstable.I didnt block you here because I didnt think id fucking have to. And you want to know how im fucking doing? are you fucking kidding? Im fuckinf terrible and its your fucking fault. I have no fucking clue who I am because you told me that my fucking obsession with you was love. Im trying to have a fucking relationship and I cant go a day without doubting everytbinf because they arent fuckikg obsessed with me. You dont get to fuckimg send me paragraphs and then apologize directly after because you aren't fucking sorry. Everyone told me to block you on here too and I should've because Im giving you exactly what you want. So im not going to tell you to fuck off. Im going to leave you un fucking blocked so you can fucking message me whenever you want and I can read it and you can fucking deal with the fact that Im ignoring you. You dont fucking love me. i did love you. it drove mw fucking insane it wasn't healthy i felt like you were the only person i had and the idea of you bring with anyone but me made me wamt to fucking kill somebody. its not sustainable you fucking said i was special until you got bored and decided i wasnt anymore. i wouldve done fucking anything for you because you deemed me important enough to keep in your story. You felt and still feel fucking larger than life to me and im so terrified that im going to be forgotten and you were the only fucking person who could convince me i wasnt. You made me feel like it was just the two of us in this world together, that we were the only two that mattered and it wasnt true. I believed it because it felt so good to feel like I was worthy of your time. And I took it too far. I cant veiw love as anything other than obsession anymore and I cant love anyone who isnt like you. If i knew what you fucking did to make me this way I would try and fucking change it. All I know is that when I let my head drift fir more than a minute all I want to do is leave everyone who loves me behind and go fuck off with you because i crave the obsession. The idea that you could ever forget me makes me fucking sick. You made me this way and if I have to live with me you have to too. And youre right you have no fucking right to donate to my facebook or fuvking stalk my spotify. I cant fucking love people anymore. Maybe date somebody who isnt fucking crazy i dont know. and im still fucking talking to you because apparently i cant fucking look after myself you did fucking lose me. youre everything i fucking hate about myself and now i can never get rid of that. Im talkinf to a fucking wall here because im too fucking stupid to realize that i am never going to get what I want from you. My fucking life crumbled after you and now I cant even think of anything that I want from you. maybe if you fucking killed me and put me out of my own goddamned misery. But i only want that because im tok much of a fucking coward to do it myself and i apparently still fucking love you enough to think that itd be easier that way. but you wont do that. I dont want you to feel bad and i don't want any explanation or apology or reassurance from you. Youve given me everything I asked for and you cant kill me. So I dont even know why im talking to you because honestly all it does is make me more fucking furious, and im betraying the few people who care about me because im texting you. So unless you have a way to fucking end all of this i dont wamt to fucking hear from you. I dont want to think about you. and thats a fucking lie too because i do want to fucking think about you and i do all the time. She never let me fucking answer you because it would turn into fucking this and i had hoped you would fucking listen to her. but you didn't. and you fucking text me on new years asking to go to a fuckibg party 'no strings attached' like im some fucking puppy you feel bad for. and you like all the playlists i make to get over you and of course you like all the ones about him. which are technically about you still because i cant fuckinf love people anymore. my last fucking desperate attempt to fucking forget about you. and then you fucking message a tumblr account i use so little that it cant help but feel like a cruel joke that I even saw your messages. So either stay in the background of my life so I think about you every now and then and find comfort in the fact that maybe your as fuckikg and insane as i am or leave. Just dont fucking im include me in your decision. ill even fucking put all the shit i write about you on this account so you can know I still think about you as long as you dont fucking talk to me directly. Its sk mich easier when jts a fucking game because i cma still lie to myself enough to maintain the fact thaf maybe jusf maybe you arent still thinking about me. So eithwd stick around or fucking leave I dont care just please stop doing this to me. i regret falling in love with you but i dont regret loving you and i never will i love you far more violently than i should. and I doubt Ill ever get over that. So i regret falling for you but i dont regret the time we spent together and the way I felt for you you cant promise me ill be your favorite forever if this happens i cant tell anybody you know that right we could rarely ever see eachother i have a boyfriend right now. i cant do that to him right now but you did.