#and i didn't see it until id already closed the program so

[knavestrolls]

fun fact I had to completely redraw this twice.

Alright all I got is drawing spoons so IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN

gimmie your ocs and I will doodle them!! doesn't have to be trolls, don't have to follow, etc. Just reblog this with a ref!

and a warning that if your ref doesn't have colors i ain't adding colors in my doodle

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Universal Tongue

Pairing: Shigadabi

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Commissioned by @norsetenko, Dabi has been the science officer on the ESV: Ingenuity for three years, their vessel currently undertaking a five-year-long exploratory surveying mission. He never tires of going to new planets and seeing new things, though it's usually from a distance in the initial sweeps. But the jungle on this one is too thick for their rovers or drones to breach, which means he has the rare opportunity to go planet-side himself to collect his samples. Unfortunately for him, a heavy storm rolls in fast, and his pod is trapped in the mud.

Fortunately for him, there is a cave system nearby to take shelter in. And very, very fortunately, the strange reptilian humanoid who lives there is open to negotiating sharing his shelter for the time being.

Contents: Absolutely inaccurate sci-fi bullshit, language barrier, voice kink, brief descriptions of violence, anal sex, oral sex, xenophilia, non-human genitalia, double penetration, organic lube, oral fixation, tail fucking, grinding, cumming untouched, multiple orgasms, wet and messy, size difference

Word Count: 19,435

The ESV: Ingenuity has been his home away from home for three years. Exovin Explorations became his home at eighteen when he decided that even being on the same planet as his father and his constant belittling was too close. He put up with it getting so much worse for the two years that it took for him to study, improve his health, and eventually apply and test to join the program. It had been a grueling process to train his body, heavily scarred and stapled together from when he'd gotten into one of the labs at the Endeavor Institute of Interstellar Advancements and had gotten caught up in a volatile reaction. But he put everything he had into doing it, and had made it.  And the day he'd gotten his acceptance letter, Toya had packed his shit and left.

He went through his basic training, broke off into his specialized training, and at twenty, he had been assigned to the crew and the ship he would be acting as the Science Officer on. Burning the letter that had been addressed to him from his father trying to make him 'give up on a stupid dream' and go back home to at least be somewhat useful at his father's company, had earned him the callsign 'Dabi' and he had all but put 'Toya Todoroki' into the flames too. His official ID doesn't even say 'Toya' anymore, and of the names that he could have gotten saddled with, he's really not begrudging Dabi as his new one. 

"You almost ready, Dabi?" Spinner's voice crackles through the earpiece that's already comfortably in place as he finishes making sure that his suit is fully sealed from head to toe, and his full case of equipment is in order. At least he didn't end up with a name because everyone watched him fuck up the calibrations for one of their machines to the point it spun so fast it nearly decapitated someone. 

"Yeah, I'm doing final checks." He responds. 

Compress's voice crackles through next. "The radar is showing a forming stormfront about ninety miles off." 

"Are we postponing?" He doesn't really do a good job of keeping the slight disappointment out of his voice. The only reason he's getting to go down to the surface of this planet ahead of schedule is because the jungle biome that stretches across the southeastern quadrant of this continent has such dense vegetation that none of their rovers have been able to get in, and the canopy is too dense for their other sensors to scan. So far there haven't been any signs that the planet wouldn't be habitable to humans, but until every section is cleared, they're not supposed to go down to start cataloging anything for possible use. This mission got special clearance and Dabi always loves taking his first step onto a new planet, so he was excited to get to do so before everyone else. 

"No, it's still a ways off and it seems pretty localized, just collect the early samples." There's a wry warning in that tone, because it's been three years and the rest of the team on Ingenuity knows that he can, and will, immediately get distracted by any alien flora or fauna that he sees that is especially different from anything he's ever seen before. 

"... Am I still being dropped off in the lake?" Based on their scans, that's the only place that he can get dropped if they don't want him to have to hike into the jungle himself. He chooses not to comment on the warning as he ensures that he has his extra case of specimen jars just in case. 

"Yes." But he can practically hear Compress rolling his eyes.

"Cool," He secures his gear and gets into the single-person pod and straps in. "Starting launch procedures." 

It still takes another couple of minutes for his vessel to be lowered out of the belly of their ship. They've been holding just outside the gravitational pull of the upper atmosphere for the better part of two weeks now, and Dabi is excited to get to watch the descent out of the windshield as the pod slips lower and lower, into the cloud layer and then beneath it. The path that Compress programmed for his descent is smooth, though he does see the dark clouds and crackling lightning of the distant storm raging as he goes. 

It only takes a few minutes for his pod to be half-submerged in the lake, and with just a few flicks of switches across his control panel, it is starting to putter to the nearest shore. When he gets to the shoreline, another switch is able to get the mechanical legs to unfold from the chassis and bring it just up to the tree line before he checks in again, "Landed without issues. I'll be disembarking to collect air, soil, and water samples." He says mostly for the official logs. Then he pushes his luck just a bit. "Should I set up a collection container to try and get a sample of the rain in case it gets here?" 

Compress sighs. "We'll see. It's going to depend on how fast the storm moves. Be careful." 

"You got it, Cap." 

He disembarks with his specimen bag in tow and starts by collecting some of the rich earth that's on the bank of the lake. One of the best things that he's learned since he started training for this position is that life on other planets, no matter how strange it is, is also all so similar to one another. Planets with carbon-based lifeforms, which is Exovin's primary interest, are all made of the same building blocks no matter what else has changed. In the soil he takes from the bank, he sees that it's mixed with clay, and when he moves up a little closer to the tree line, he's greeted with with plants with pale woody trunks and tall splayed branches, though the leaves on this planet are extremely dark-- nearly black-- and fanned out in large bunches. The shape is different, the color darker than anything he'd ever seen on Earth, but he knows that he'll find cells in these leaves that aren't all that different to what he would find on Earth.

The little insects that he finds skittering around are all mostly clinging to those trees, steadily making their way upward to find a feast in those dark canopies, and the sounds of life filter in from every inch of the world around him. The buzzing of flying insects, the distant songs of birds that have chirps and whistles lower and longer than the ones that he's heard before, and the rustling of leaves above that make it abundantly clear that there are other creatures moving around in the foliage. He begins to take his samples, letting the pack on his hip begin to run a diagnostic on the makeup of the air. The gravity, according to their tests, is about one percent higher than the gravity on Earth, but it's not really noticeable as he moves around. Gathering the samples he was supposed to take is easy and quick, he's finished in twenty minutes before he asks for clearance to set up a way to collect water from the rain. 

He tries to find a spot that hopefully won't be too intrusive and begins to set that up as well before Compress's voice crackles in through his speaker again, "That stormfront is starting to move and it's picking up speed. Finish up what you're doing and return to the ship." 

"Got it." He doesn't dilly dally, though he wants to. He's the first human to ever set foot on this planet; he cannot be blamed for being curious and wanting to catalog literally everything he finds. They have another nine planets in their quadrant that they're supposed to finish doing these initial surveys on over the course of the next two years, and then they'll report all of their findings back to Exovin and return home for a year of rest and reevaluation. After that, they'll hopefully be given clearance to go to the planet that seemed the most likely to be able to sustain interplanetary resources and spend a few years there where he'll be able to explore and catalog new life to his heart's content. But for now, this little jaunt will have to do. He finishes up and starts to move back in the direction of his pod as he starts to hear the distant crackle of thunder. 

He's just stepping out onto the bank as a cavalcade of movement starts to come from alongside it and Dabi half tucks back into the trees to hide from whatever creatures are trying to take cover from the oncoming storm. The beasts that come through have six legs, and he's guessing they stand nearly as tall as a giraffe, their eyes are set into the sides of their skulls and their bodies have long, irregular stripes of white and gray across them, the color darkening and growing more solid as it reaches their heads which must be up in the canopy most of the time. The herd of nearly a dozen of them are moving fast as they go, and for a minute, Dabi is caught up in the majesty of seeing a species that it's possible no one else has ever seen before. 

And then they plow into his pod. 

"Shit!"

"Dabi? What's happening? Your pod just sent a distress signal--" Spinner's voice comes through sharply worried, but Dabi is just wincing as he watches the herd of megafauna trample his pod into the thick clay at the bank of the lake. He doesn't dare try to shoot them or set off an alert out of fear of starting a full stampede, and instead resigns himself to watching the metallic structure sink a third of its body into the earth. The pods are sturdy machines and he flicks a heads up display to switch to a live feed to show the rest of the crew on the Ingenuity what's happening. 

"Oh dear." Compress's voice sounds as shocked as Dabi feels, but then he starts to troubleshoot as the herd moves on and Dabi chances slipping back across the freshly trodden earth to get a look at his poor pod. "Spinner, are any systems reporting significant damage?" 

"No, it looks like everything is still intact, but two of the legs are wedged into its body like this. I might be able to remotely activate the third to try and dig it out, but I'm not sure." 

Dabi moves around to the side of the pod that may be able to help-- "The foot is underground on this side too." He warns before the other can activate it and make the situation worse. "I'll dig out this side and we'll go from there?" 

"You need to get inside for now," Compress tells him. "The storm is moving fast, the winds are charting at category four." 

"I can't get in," the pod would be the safest place to take shelter, "The hatch is buried--" he takes out one of the smaller drones that he has in his kit and launches it, sending it to scan between the trees and the rest of the area, looking for shelter for him. His readout is more simplistic than the ones they should be getting back on the ship and in a matter of minutes, he's seeing a strange blob of a structure about half a mile from the lake. "Is that a mountain range or a cave system?" 

"Both," Compress tells him. "It's the only enclosed structure within walking distance-- Do you think you can make it there?" 

Thunder rolls through the sky and Dabi's chilled just from how that noise has silenced the insect and birdsong. "Yeah, moving now." He has supplies to last him a week in his pack, just in case of something like this, and he knows how to set up for basic survival in case of situations like this, he'll be fine. He starts to make his way through the jungle again, having to turn on his headlamp even though he hates making himself a beacon for predators. He doesn't have a choice if he doesn't want to make this whole situation even worse by breaking an ankle tripping on a root. 

Dabi moves as quickly as he's able to through the foliage, but it still takes him ten minutes to find the cave system he's being guided to, and by that time, the rain has already started to fall thick and heavy. He ducks inside of the opening, large enough that he's got at least another six feet before hitting the ceiling, and calls his little drone back to him from where it must have been scanning the full system. The little bot takes a few minutes to come back as he checks in with the others on the ship. 

"I'm here, looks like it's high enough that hopefully it won't end up flooded with the rain." 

"Alright, good, it looks like there might be some thermal vents deeper down, so make sure to run a full air quality test before you remove your helmet-- if you need to." 

"Got it." He moves a few yards deeper into the cave and then does get out his on-site testing kit and starts to test the air quality and the soil and water samples he'd gotten from near the lake. If rainfall like this is common, then those samples should show him if there's anything particularly dangerous for him if he's exposed. 

It takes about twenty minutes for him to determine that the air is breathable and that the rainfall must be something truly torrential during these storms from the minerals he finds that have been deposited in the water through the erosion of stone. But it's not dangerous in it of itself. This is a perfectly habitable planet for humans and at least twenty three of the seventy eight cataloged species who work with Exovin. Spinner, a gecko-like humanoid called a Varqix, would actually love this part of the planet based on the temperature and humidity levels.  

Dabi takes off his helmet and cuts off his oxygen tanks to ensure that he doesn't waste what he has, just in case, as he sends that information back up to the ship. He settles in to watch the storm and run any other tests that he can on what he's gathered so far. He doesn't know how long this will last, but at the very least he can be productive while it's going. 

///

It's been about two hours with the sky still a riot of activity drenching the planet below, when Dabi's proximity scanners built into his suit start to beep. He glances up at the mouth of the cave, turning on the flashlight built into his wrist to see if there is a creature that calls this place home that he needs to be mindful of. But there's nothing at the entrance. He reluctantly turns to the deeper darkness of the cave and shines his light there, but he doesn't see anything coming from that direction either. The proximity alarm goes off more insistently, and Dabi hates every atom in the universe that has led him to this point as he preemptively brings a hand slowly and shakily to cover his mouth before he takes a timid breath and looks up towards the cavern ceiling. 

The hand was a good call, because even anticipating something being there, does not let him fully trap the scream that tries to tear out of his throat as that ring of light falls over the edge of the creature watching him from the ceiling. The alien is clinging to the rock, its skin as pale as the tree bark outside, and easily ten feet tall, and even longer than that as he sees its long serpentine tail coiling around one of his legs and across the irregular cragginess of the cavern. Its head is swiveled around to look down at him, solid red eyes from lid-to-lid save for the dark spot of his pupils. It's definitely a reptilian species, given the more slitted nostrils that are part of his nose and the longer slits that extend his mouth past the place it should naturally close at the corners. The creature opens its mouth and puts two rows of wickedly sharp teeth and that exaggeratedly large mouth on display in a frankly terrifying show, but Dabi has training for this.

He fumbles to push the button on the neck of his suit, and before the creature can drop down to hurt him. The speaker in his suit crackles to life and it starts to chirp out different ways of saying 'safe' in as many languages as Exovin has been able to register throughout the decades of interstellar travel. It takes about nine of them before they hit one that has the creature tilting its head and clicking back lowly. His translator locks onto those sounds and the earpiece he's wearing hums back to life. 

"What are you doing in my den?" The speaker translates the low growls and chuffs that make up this creature's language and the sound that his translator chooses to use is rude, frankly. The creature was already terrifying as it lowers itself from the ceiling. His body is mostly humanoid and densely muscled, his hands and feet ending with four digits on each, though his hands have one finger that is longer than the rest that seems armored, all of the appendages having wicked talons on them. Long white hair spills across the creature's scalp, reaching across its face, over its shoulders, and halfway down its back. Its long tail slithers languidly across the ground towards Dabi's things and he does his very best not to flinch as his translator takes in the language sample it's received and extrapolates a bit more to work off of from the language that the creature seemed to recognize. 

"I'm sorry to intrude," he starts carefully. The creature tilts its head to the side slightly as his translator parrots the words back in its own attempts at this guttural language, though it doesn’t make his voice as deep as the speaker made the creature’s. "I got caught in the rain and was looking for somewhere safe to stay. I don't mean you any harm." 

The creature listens, and then responds, "Do you feel safe here, little one?" 

Dabi does his best not to bristle, not wanting to potentially get himself into any more trouble. "From the weather? Very." 

It tilts its head to the other side, its tail swishing languidly across the ground as it looks down at him. "You don't belong here." Dabi is about to ask for clarification, but the creature goes on, "The sky egg, on the bank, that is yours, yes?" 

There's an immediate relief from that. At the very least, if the creature knows that it's possible for other creatures to come from their sky, he isn't going to have to handle first contact with a species that's going to be convinced he's a god or demon, or something else absurd. "Yes, I was visiting to learn about this planet," he gestures at his kit and the little vials of soil and cuttings of plants he was trying to process, "When a herd of six-legged tall creatures with long necks knocked it into the mud." He explains carefully. The translator will get better the more they speak and the more information it takes in from the other creature. 

"Aindrul," The creature tells him, and the translator tries to run that species name through their databases, but it comes up blank. It really was a new species then.

"Aindrul," Dabi agrees. "I can't leave until I can dig out part of my ship." He explains. "And I can't start to dig until the storm stops. I was hoping that I could stay here until the rain stopped? Then I'll go on my way. I'll do my best to stay out of your way." He will do his best to not annoy the creature with too many questions, though he has a million. Their scans of the other parts of this planet didn't show any signs of civilizations, which must mean that if this is the dominant species on the planet, then this species must not be very social, to the point where any information about culture that Dabi can learn will be especially interesting. It's always fascinating to hear about the cultural practices of species that are so completely different from humans. 

"...That is a long time to linger, little one."

Dabi frowns slightly, "Does the rain on your planet last a long time?" 

The creature frowns at him in return. "This is the storm of the tri-moon." He explains like Dabi is a child who should know better. "The rain will fall until the three moons are high over the lake." 

Dabi has to run some calculations in his head based on what Magne told him. She's their navigator and focused astrologist. This planet has four moons, none anywhere near the size of Earth's, with mostly two being visible at a time depending on what phase all four of them are in. Three can happen, but it would have to be the next time that they lined up to all not be waxing at the same. He tries to remember more specifics, but it wasn't his area and he was definitely more focused on and excited about the plant and animal life to have been as interested in the moons. "How long is that?" 

"A month, little one." 

Dabi blanches and the creature chitters at him. The translator picks up on the sound, but just informs him that it means 'sympathy, comfort' when his distress is so apparent to the creature. The planet rotates its sun a little faster than Earth does, the days are a little shorter too, but not by very much. Enough that a month here is three weeks of his time. Three weeks. Oh shit. "I, uh--" 

The creature chuffs at him again and then turns to start to go deeper into the cave, "You may stay so long as you do not get in my way, little one. But when the rain clears, you will leave, or my hospitality will end in a far less pleasant manner." 

His translator beeps to alert him that he was threatened, but the words and the slight growl to them was more than blatant enough for Dabi to pick up on that on his own, thank you very much. "Right, thank you!" He calls after the creature as he disappears into the dark. 

Dabi sinks back down to the cavern floor and pulls his helmet back on, calling back to the crew. Oh he is so beyond fucked. 

///

No one is happy to find out how long he's going to be stuck planet-side. It throws a wrench in their schedule, of course, requires a bunch of reports from Compress, and will definitely make him have to do a shit ton too when he gets back to the ship, but that's the long-term fuckery he has to deal with. In the short-term, Dabi is in a tight spot as far as rations go. He has a water bottle that is made to filter out any potential parasites, bacteria, toxins, and the like from just about anything he puts into it, and the rain itself is already, according to his tests, not too different from rain water on Earth, so he feels pretty safe about that. but he isn't as certain about food. It's standard practice for anyone on an away mission to take a week of rations with them, and he has that. He can stretch that as much as he can, but it won't be pleasant. What becomes far more pressing is that, as he gives these updates to the crew and they try to figure out what his next steps are, Dabi starts to notice that the temperature is rapidly decreasing. 

An aerial scan proves he's not insane about that, and the reason he's noticing it even in his thermal suit, is because it's dropped twenty degrees since the rain started two hours ago. The cloud cover is apparently so thick that any light and heat from the planet's sun is being dispersed in the upper layers of the cloud cover, leading to the ground cooling rapidly. Dabi is going to be in a rough spot if it gets too much colder at night even with the supplies he has. 

He talks to the rest of the crew for a few more minutes, but it's ultimately decided that he's probably best off going and talking to the reptilian alien again to see if it could tell him anything about surviving these harsh conditions. Dabi hesitantly starts to move deeper into the cavern and calls out, "Excuse me?" 

His voice, and the translator's approximation of it in the new language rings out around him, as he moves deeper, and it only takes until he's gone maybe thirty feet before he starts to feel more warmth in the air. Their scans didn't say this structure was connected to a volcano or anything like that, but Compress did mention there were other geothermal vents somewhere within the system.

"What is it, little one?" The voice comes from higher than he's expecting as he finds himself stepping into a wider cavern, an oblong chamber that seems to have a hole in the ceiling that's been dug out at an angle so that water can drain into what appears to be a carved pool in the floor. He turns to the left and sees that the creature has dug out a section of the rock too, about five feet up from the floor, and seems to have made it into a burrow. It's filled with leaves and other foliage from outside and the alien had been tucked into it, but now is poking its head out from the opening to watch him intently. 

"My name is Dabi," he tells the creature. "Do you have a name?" 

The creature waits for the words to be translated and then responds, his voice a low rumble that buzzes through Dabi's skull, "Tomura Shigaraki." 

Which gives Dabi a little more information about his species than he expected. "You have a clan name? Do you have a family?" 

"No. What do you need, little one?" 

"I'm sorry," He waits for the translator to repeat that, not wanting to offend the creature with his misspoken words. "... I wasn't prepared to be trapped through this storm. I wanted to know if there's any time when the rain lets up? I was hoping I could try to gather some supplies." 

"There are short lulls." The creature tells him. "Do you have enough to wait a few days for that? If so, I will take you hunting with me then." 

Relief goes through him, "I'll be good for a few days. Thank you, I really appreciate your hospitality... Shigaraki?"

"Tomura." 

"Tomura." He hesitates but still asks, "You told me before about the aindrul, I'm a human, what is your species called?" 

"Kir." As soon as the species is said, his equipment starts to run it through the database, but like the aindrul, this one turns up nothing. 

"Thank you. Humans... tend to like company. We like to talk to each other and spend time together when we're cohabitating with other species. I can do my best to make myself scarce if that's something you want, but if you're open to it, I'd like to know you more while I spend time in your den." 

The kir listens to the translator make his language understandable again and then considers him, its tail moving languidly where it's hanging out of its burrow, long enough that it's dragging against the cavern floor. "We can talk, little one, but not now. I spent the day preparing for the storm and I wish to sleep." 

"Oh! Okay," Dabi straightens, "I'm sorry if I woke you." 

"Humans apologize a lot." The kir remarks, pulling its tail up into the burrow and shifting so that the bulk of the pale body is hidden. 

"Can I ask one more question before you go to sleep?" 

"Hmm?" 

"What sex are you?" 

"...Are you looking for a mate, little one?" There's amusement in the deep growl of the creature's voice as it lifts its head to half turn back to him and pin him under that strange red-eyed stare. 

He hopes his burns hide the heat that goes to his face, "No, I just wanted to know what pronouns to use." Pronouns are hard across species, some not having any concept of them at all, and others having dozens with the punishment for getting them wrong being execution. But he would like to know so that he can report back to the others with as much detail about the kir as possible. That should help to make identifying this species against their database, if it's been entered under a different name, a little easier. "I'm male, I use he/him." 

"As am I, you may use the same for me, little boy." 

"I'm an adult," he stresses even as he starts to move back towards the cavern entrance so that the kir can sleep. 

"I suppose that means you won't get any bigger, what a pity for you. A little one forever." And Dabi cannot believe he's barely talked to this creature for ten minutes and he's being called short and a baby in one fell swoop. But the kir is amused instead of annoyed with him, and given the wicked claws and sharp teeth that he has, Dabi would rather be a source of amusement than a source of nourishment. 

Dabi leaves his main chamber and goes back down the long tunnel to the entrance, the air getting colder and colder again as he does. He is quiet as he packs his equipment back into his kit and brings it with him this time as he returns, taking out the small thin thermal blanket that is in his pack of supplies and trying to curl up as comfortably as he can on the hard rock floor. He sends a written report of the conditions, what he's learned about the kir, and then settles in as he listens to the storm rage in the distance and tries his best to fall asleep on the hard ground. 

Oh, this is going to be a hell of a time for the next three weeks. 

///

Dabi wakes, with something poking at his shoulder what feels like five minutes later, and he immediately palms the trigger in his suit that will electrify the outer layer to make whatever's touching him drop him if it proves to be hostile. Tomura sees his eyes open, and he takes hold of Dabi's arm, pulling him off of the floor. 

"Wha--" 

"Your teeth are chattering so loudly you're keeping me up." The alien pulls him, blanket and all back into the cavern and brings him over to his burrow. Before Dabi can say anything else, his tail coils around his waist in two thick wraps that covers him from sternum to the tops of his thighs. And when he's held tight by his tail, Tomura lets go of his arm so that he can use his claws to climb back up into his bed, pulling Dabi up with him. 

"Wait--" 

The kir chitters at him, and his translator doesn't have a word for the sound, so it simply tells him 'exasperated'. He pulls Dabi into the burrow, and even with the larger creature inside with him, it is big enough for both of them, though the kir curls his body and tail around him, tucking his blanket up tight between them too. He looks over Dabi, who is still a horrible cocktail of bewildered and humiliated, and then he tucks his head into his arms and closes his eyes, a very low purring starting to hum through his body. It's so low that it's a mild hum, but so deep that it rumbled through the kir's entire body and into Dabi's too. His translator tells him 'soothing, contentment' and Dabi really does mean to protest. But the burrow is filled with layers of soft material, grasses, leaves, and a strange shredded pale fluff like the head of a dandelion, which is much softer and warmer than the stone he was laying on before. Maybe the kir can be a communal species and aren't for some reason during the storm. 

This alien clearly feels empathy and has gone out of his way to express kindness, no matter how pushy that ended up being. That's a good sign, he reminds himself as he tries to relax against where his back is resting against the creature's long tail. There are plenty of creatures in the wide universe who don't feel or express those sentiments at all, regardless of species. He's a lot better off if he's trapped on a planet where this one would see his discomfort and choose to help him instead of leaving him to suffer or killing him for the inconvenience. 

He settles in and closes his eyes, listening to the creature purr and their deep even breaths echoing softly in the burrow. 

///

The next morning he finds the kir has already slipped out of his burrow by the time he's woken, and isn't in the cavern where he can see him, and Dabi does ensure that he checks the ceiling immediately as well. He checks in with the others first, 

"Good morning," 

"Morning sunshine!" Magne answers back. She and Twice should have taken over for Compress and Spinner in the past two or so hours, and she still sounds fresh and cheerful. "How are things planet-side? How's your big, scaly roommate?" 

"It sounds like it's still raining," he tells her, glad that his suit has enough lightly glowing element for him to see by even without using his full flashlight. "And he's nice. Any luck looking up his species?" 

"'Kir' didn't trigger any of our systems," she tells him apologetically, "but if you can get him to hold still for a scan or get a sample from him, we'll run it again." 

"I'll see if he's up for that." But probably not right now. The creature is already putting up with a lot from him. He doesn't want to push his luck and outstay his welcome when he apparently has weeks left of this. "Any sign of the storm letting up from there?" 

"Not that we can tell. The winds have held at forty miles per hour for the past few hours, but it hasn't stopped thunder storming. Sorry, firecracker." 

"Tomura said he'd take me with him to get supplies," he tells her instead. They had no idea that this storm would be a persistent problem, and there was no way they could have predicted that his pod was going to get smushed into the ground by the aindrul. There's no reason to linger on it, especially when, at the moment, there doesn't appear to be any significant and immediate threat to his life. "He also has definitely seen a ship and stuff before, because he's not really confused about it. Didn't Proximacard Multinational also do a brief tour of this sector? Any chance that we can send a request to them to try and find out if they logged the kir?" 

"I'll reach out, but it'll probably take a week or so to hear anything." 

"Not like I'm going anywhere." 

"I guess we can't abandon you there." She contemplates with a sigh. "You're the only one who gets excited about soil nitrates." 

"They're important!" 

"You have enough battery for long-range calls for two weeks, so we should start to ration your battery." She says, quickly deflecting from the rant he's definitely gone on before. He always had the doubt in the back of his mind that he would never see another world, so every small piece of these other planets he's gotten to explore has excited him. Even after years of it, every part of each world is a new, delightful mystery to unravel and observe. 

They talk for a few more minutes, deciding on stretching it to the four weeks they hope they'll need by only having him call in once every two days, Ingenuity time, and only for five minutes unless there's been a significant development. The only other calls he'll make are for emergencies. They'll keep an eye on the storm and let him know if the cloud cover thins enough and the lightning pauses long enough for him to leave before the tri-moons are in the sky. When they've done that, the call ends to start preserving his battery and Dabi carefully moves to the edge of the burrow and lowers himself down to the floor. That's not too difficult to do, though it was a little unnerving to back out of the opening and into the barely-lit cave without being able to see it, but he gets onto the ground without any trouble. He leaves his blanket up there. He doesn't know if it's going to get warmer again or if it will stay so chilled throughout the rest of the storm, but if it stays cold, he'll probably need to sleep there with the kir until he's able to leave. 

He moves out of the chamber to go back to his kit and he finds Tomura sitting on the floor, his tail coiled around his legs, as he looks at all of his little specimen jars and tools. His kit is three interconnected cases, one with tools to gather his samples, one to put his electronic equipment, and one with his supplies, like sample jars. His planet-side standard pack is also there and has been opened as well. 

Tomura has laid out everything from each of the packs in neat, clean rows that seem to correspond with which pouch or pocket he'd taken them out of. 

"Hmm, you know, I would have been happy to show you my things if you'd asked." It's not even really an admonishment. He doesn't know this creature, he doesn't know his customs, he's not about to tell him that to humans it was inappropriate for him to touch his things without asking. 

"You sleep for a long time, I will put them back when I'm finished." The creature picks up one of his ration packs. "This is... food?" He hasn't opened any of them as best as Dabi can tell, so he thinks that the kir must have just smelled the food through it. 

Dabi sits down with him on the cavern floor. "Yeah, I need about one more week's worth of food to last through the storm without discomfort." He won't starve, that's not going to be an issue unless things get really, really fucked, as far as the storm and his departure plan go. 

Tomura gently crinkles the package that looks tiny in his hand, especially with his one long armored talon. "...Does your food have to be... dry?" 

"No, our rations are dried so that they last longer without going bad. I can eat food with moisture in it." 

Tomura hums and puts the package back down on the neat pile of them. Then he turns his attention to the cuttings and other samples he'd taken the day before. "What are you doing with these?" 

"I'm a scientist. The group I work for has people, like me, go to different planets to try to learn more about them. I came here to take a few small samples so that I could bring them back to the bigger ship and see what they're like and how they grow." 

Tomura hums and picks up one of the jars with a cutting of a small plant he had found growing at the base of the trees. "Be careful with this one. When it's mature, it releases a cloud of burning dust." 

Well. He's glad to have found that out now rather than later and Dabi picks up the little tablet that Tomura's already laid out and scans the lid of the jar and makes a note about that. "Can you tell me about the others?" 

The tip of Tomura's tail lifts from its coil and swishes across the floor slowly and Dabi has hung out with enough cats to know that's a sign of aggravation, though he's not sure if it's something reptiles do as well. Though he does purr. Maybe he's got a little cat in him too, spiritually. "Why does your group want to learn about my planet?" 

Well, guess he does have to do this part of the pitch, though it's really his least favorite thing to have to try and make sound appealing. "We want to find planets that are safe to explore and learn more about. Not just humans, like me, but lots of different species who want to see new worlds. My crew just visits for a very short amount of time to find out what other species could come here for longer research studies. Sometimes the planets we visit only have a little plant life and some wild animals, but no people. When we find people already living on a planet, that other team will visit and talk to them to see if they can be allowed to study there." He explains carefully and then waits for the translator to do its work. After another beat he adds, "Do your people have a government that the other crew can contact?"

"We live alone, unless a mother is rearing her young, but a group could be assembled to meet these other people." Tomura doesn't say anything else about that topic and instead picks up one of his laser cutters that's no bigger than a pen. "Is this a weapon?" 

"I guess it could be, but I use it to take samples of things that I can't get with my clippers," he points to those and then puts his hand out for the laser cutter. Tomura hands it over without protest and Dabi picks up a loose rock from the ground, sets it in an empty space between them and turns on the cutter. He still can't hold his hand still enough to get a perfectly sliced line, given the flare of the laser can't cut anything more than three inches from it, and even touching the rock, Dabi cannot draw a straight line to save his life, but Tomura still chitters when the stone splits in half as Dabi finishes. 'Interest' his translator tells him. Dabi puts the laser back into the row Tomura had it in. 

"Do you have the means to hunt?" 

"Not really," he admits. "Humans don't usually have to hunt, and I'm a scientist," he says again, "I'm not normally supposed to hurt the plants or animals I find on a planet." 

Tomura considers that. "You should stay put then, little one. I'll bring back more food." 

His face burns but he doesn't protest. He doesn't know what other kinds of creatures call this jungle home, and he has no idea if he'd be able to keep up with Tomura, especially if he crawls through the trees the way he's so easily able to scale the cavern walls. "I'm really sorry about causing you so much trouble. Thank you so much for everything you're doing to help me. Your hospitality is greatly appreciated." He hopes that the mechanical chitters and chirps that the creature hears are able to express that sentiment clearly. Things would be much worse for him if he was alone, sitting here watching the rain fall and talking to the crew, sure that it would let up soon. 

Tomura listens to the clicks and his head tilts to the side slightly, still pinning him under those strange red eyes. "You're welcome, Dabi. You're a... curiosity. It's worth a few small inconveniences to sate that." The kir starts to put back the items in his kit, and yeah, they were laid out so he's able to pack them back inside exactly as they were. Dabi is guessing that if he didn't wake up, he wouldn't have ever even known that Tomura was in his stuff. "Do you eat meat?" 

"I can, plants too, but I'll probably have to cook them, my teeth aren't as sharp as yours." He just means for it to be an easy explanation, not really wanting to see if this creature knows about the risk of germs and parasites that could be in the meat of the other animals he hunts, but Dabi finds himself stiffening suddenly when a large hand shifts to his face.

The kir's skin is cool against his own and, Dabi finds, is covered in fine scales along the back , the palm tough, smooth skin. his long taloned finger rests against the side of his neck, as his two others hook under his chin and his thumb moves to his lips. He pulls gently on his bottom one. Tomura makes him bare his teeth and then clicks softly in the back of his throat. 

"Much blunter." Dabi's entire face goes hot as he pushes his large finger between his teeth, testing his canines lightly against his skin. Holy fuck. his thumb is the size of three of his own fingers and Dabi really doesn't even know where to start with the inappropriateness of this touch, but he really doesn't want to examine it either because then he might have to worry about the inappropriateness of the flickering warmth that goes through him at being manhandled so easily by this creature. "It's a wonder you can chew anything at all." He takes his finger out of his mouth and lets go of him and Dabi has to grapple for a second with that misplaced heat. Fuck, yeah it's been years since someone put something in his mouth like that, but he really doesn't need his body misbehaving like that. "Wait here, I'll bring back enough for you to eat." He instructs. 

Before he leaves though, he shows Dabi around the other parts of the cave system. A bit deeper in, there is a large pool that is being filled from three vents dug into the ceiling to let the rain water flow into it, creating a pseudo shower and bathing area, that Dabi is happy to be shown, because that means he will at least be able to be clean and clean the clothes beneath his suit while he's here as well. He shows him two other paths, one that goes deeper into the mountain that they can retreat to in case of flooding, and the other as a secondary exit in case the first is not viable for any reason. Then the kir leaves him to his own devices and goes out into the storm. Dabi watches him go, but with his coloration and the rain so thick and heavy, he loses sight of the alien in a matter of seconds as he takes off into the trees. 

///

Dabi's been alone for a few hours. The cave, even though the sky is still black save for the flashes of lightning splitting the sky, has warmed up significantly since last night, and he thinks that means he'll at least be safe during the day to take off his suit and just wear around his standard issue black thermal sweats and gray t-shirt for a while. He goes and tests the water in both chambers to see if it will be safe, bringing a small electric lantern with him. This, at least, has enough battery to last for months at a time given the simplicity of the device, and it makes it so much easier for him to see by. There are no notable parasites or dangerous contaminants in either of the pools, so Dabi does fill up his water bottle and let those filters take care of any additional microbial contaminants. He also goes back to the creature's bed and finds a few little foot holds in the wall and uses those to step up high enough he can actually look into the bed with the lantern. The cavern he's carved out for himself in the wall is an oblong shape with a domed ceiling that is at least nine feet deep and about four and a half feet tall at the highest point of the ceiling. It's been stuffed full of leaves and dried grasses like he'd noted before, but he is more interested in the white papery stuff. He takes a little sample of that out, putting that in the jar he has, and then reaching to touch it without his gloves. It feels soft and papery, and he figures the shreds of this must be what gives the rest of the bedding its fluff. 

He goes back to his equipment and sits down, beginning to go through his samples one-by-one, and doing whatever field tests he can with what he has on hand, writing everything down as neatly as possible in an actual notebook by hand. At least this way he'll be able to photograph these pages and send his work back to base during his next check-in to save power. And he waits. 

///

It's starting to get chilly again and he's gotten back into his suit when Tomura comes back into the cave. He hears the change of the cadence of the falling rain and gets to his feet, going to greet him at the mouth only to find himself gaping as he sees the large predator dragging an even larger animal behind in his tail. His arms are full of round, nearly bowling ball sized fruits, and he's completely drenched, not that that's a surprise, with his long hair plastered to his face and down his back. 

"Little one," he greets, but moves past him, inclining his head to get Dabi to follow, which he does, a good yard and a half behind him as he tries to take in what he can of the beast that the other killed. This creature also has the pale coloring that the other animals on this planet have had with the majority of its body being white, and pale shades of gray, in splotches and stripes, but the back and head of this creature is dark like the canopy above, the color split like that of a shark. It is a quadrupedal creature that he guesses must live among the higher tree branches because its feet and hands are structured the same, like with monkeys and chimps on Earth. It also is scaled rather than furry though, and its corpse is bleeding sluggishly as it's dragged deeper into the cave from the wounds in its neck and side that look like they're from Tomura's teeth and claws, its head rotated at a sharply unnatural angle that Dabi guesses is what actually killed it. 

They move into the main cavern and Tomura drops the beast from his tail and then uses that and his arms to set down and stack the bulbous fruits. Dabi hadn't turned off his lantern when he heard him approaching, and Tomura blinks at the light, but doesn't comment on it. The fruit are the deep red of an apple, though the color is almost uncomfortably uniform across all of them. He expects fruit to have variation in it, and the stunning lack of change aside from a slight difference in size is very strange. 

"Do your tests, find what you can eat. I will take whatever you cannot." 

"Thank you." He really doesn't have better words to express his gratitude for the other creature's hospitality, so he tries to at least just be fast about it. 

Dabi goes and gets his kit and uses his tools to take samples from the beast. He does test the meat, and over the course of the next hour he determines that the meat is edible, and will remain so after it's been cooked. He's glad that he did get survival training though, because as he carefully butchers a section of the large carcass, he feels Tomura watching him from his burrow. He hopes he doesn't look too inept. He has a small flash cooker with him, only big enough to contain 20oz of whatever he puts in it at a time, but it can also work as a dehydrator, and Dabi determines how much meat he'll need to stretch his rations to make it a full month, just in case something else goes wrong. 

He takes what he needs and it's barely a quarter of the meat on one side of the creature's body, then he moves off to the side so that he can work on cutting it into strips and making it into jerky. 

"Little one, surely that isn't enough." 

"I'm little," he says, with some amusement when the creature seems to be admonishing him. "And I don't hunt, I don't need as much energy as you do." 

He huffs softly, but does move over to the carcass himself and begins to take his meal. Dabi watches between changing out strips of meat in the small chamber. Tomura's mouth is large, despite how it looks when he's just talking, and he uses the way his jaw can seemingly unhinge to take large bites out of the creature's body, focusing on the areas that are covered in the most muscle tissue. The two rows of teeth carve deep grooves out of the creature and, like Spinner, he doesn't really chew his food, just making sure the chunks he takes in are manageable and then swallowing them down. He also can, apparently, eat bone, though he does tend to break open the bigger ones first to lick out the marrow with a long forked tongue. It's a little gross to watch, but no different in concept to any wild predator taking a meal, and by the time Dabi has finished dehydrating most of the meat and flash cooking the strip that he is going to eat fresh tonight, the kir has consumed half of the corpse. He purrs and the translator tells Dabi 'content', though he could have guessed that on his own. 

When he finishes with the carcass, Tomura takes the last of his kill out of the cave again, but he takes it through the other tunnel that he showed Dabi earlier and then doesn't come back immediately. Dabi takes that opportunity to have a bite of the meat himself. It has a toughness and a gaminess that Dabi has heard is common in wild game, and has a deeper umami flavor than beef alone usually does. It's definitely palatable and Dabi is certain that if it was prepared with even a bit of salt, it would be an easy staple meat and livestock on this planet if it were ever colonized. He is eating when Tomura comes back after about ten minutes, the blood and gore cleaned from his skin completely. 

He sees Dabi is eating and nods to himself before going over to the fruits. He uses his long index finger to break open a small part of the shell, and given the force he uses for it, and the way that the accompanying crack sounds as it echoes around the room with them, has him guessing they're as hard as a coconut at least. The coloration has also started to wash out slightly, getting less vibrant as Tomura puts the fruit back on the ground and kicks it towards the pool that is still filling with rain water. It rolls easily across the stone until it splashes into the little pool and then Dabi jumps out of his skin as it explodes with a loud pop, spraying a foot around the puddle with displaced water. 

Tomura lets out a hissy little chitter. 'Laughter, mockery'. Dabi glares at him, but the kir just chirps in reply before going over to the shallow pool and fishing out the fruit with his tail. It's cracked nearly all the way in half now, and the color of the outer skin is that vibrant rich red again. The inner flesh looks to be mostly a papery, stringy pulp, but he tears that away and pushes it to the side before extracting a fist-size mass of paler pinkish flesh that's dripping with a semi-translucent fluid before coming to sit down beside him. He offers him half of the flesh and Dabi takes it and puts a small pinch of the sticky flesh into his scanner. It takes a minute for it to work and firstly determine that it's not poisonous. Then it begins to break down the nutritional components inside of it. 

After another few minutes it beeps again and Dabi has to read the output twice to make certain that it's correct. The fruit is rich in vitamin C and D, with nearly double the amount of protein as guava, and it has more than ten percent of Ladreynyx per ounce. Holy fuck. Ladreynyx is one of the most sought-after substances in the wider known universe. It tends to occur on planets that at one point had a higher concentration of radiation, and early lifeforms seemed to develop this secretion to help counteract that and neutralize the negative effects of the radiation, healing their own cells and insolating them from the worst parts of it, so that they could thrive. It's such a hard to find substance, and one that medical professionals want in abundance so that they can test out how much good it can do helping to treat and prevent cancer and other forms of radiation sickness. All of which are becoming more common given how many people are going off-planet and getting exposed to the radiation of different planets and their atmospheres. 

"What's this fruit called?" He asks as he brings a small bit of it to his lips. Ladreynyx isn't poisonous unprocessed, but he is a bit concerned that it may be bitter and medicinal. The flesh has the texture of slightly unripe mango, and a sharp citric flavor that is bright on his tongue, but as he chews it mellows into a softer sweetness that reminds him of dango. 

"Uzut, they can only be harvested during the rain." Tomura explains, seeming satisfied with Dabi eating the flesh. "They wither quickly once they've been removed from the water and the inside becomes foul when the skin ashens." 

"And they explode?"

"Only when their shell is compromised in water. But it is a faster way of getting to the pits. It kills the fish that try to eat them." 

Dabi takes another bite of the flesh and then asks, "And what kind of creature was that?" There is some hesitation in the question. Some species find constant questions unpleasant, some find them outright rude, and he really doesn't want to piss off his host. 

Tomura doesn't get aggravated though. He answers any question Dabi asks him and asks his own in turn as the night gets colder and the thunder keeps booming outside. And they spend their evening talking about anything and everything that either of them can think of. 

///

They spend the next two days together, with Dabi sleeping in the creature's bed with him against the chill, and the kir being as amused and interested in learning about humans as Dabi is about learning as much as he can about this planet. Being on a surveying crew, he doesn't usually get to become so focused on the worlds they visit. Usually, he only gets to take a passing interest, but this, for as unorthodox and unforeseen the circumstances may be, is giving him the opportunity to learn as much as he can about this planet as possible. 

They're sitting together on the floor of the main chamber, Tomura curled around him, his tail easily fully encircling him, though not touching, just close so that he can watch as Dabi lays out his samples in order of what he wrote about in his notebook so that he can send his pictures back to base. He's learned that Tomura can change from being an endotherm to an exotherm, mostly at will, and during the day he tends to be endothermic and delights in having Dabi's much hotter body as a way to soak up some extra warmth when he can. When everything is all ready, Dabi turns his communicator back on and turns off his translator. He doesn't necessarily want the other creature to hear everything that he's saying, especially if they've turned up something interesting about the kir from past expeditions. 

On the hour, the connection opens up and Dabi immediately starts to take and transmit the pictures of his notes before Compress even opens his mouth. 

"Dabi--" he pauses in his greeting as he starts to see them coming through. "I take it you're doing fine then?" 

"Yeah, I'm good. Tomura has been super helpful and very nice." And the creature immediately pokes his head up from it resting on the circle of his arms when he hears his name and enters the frame slightly. He clicks at the screen and Compress smiles at the other creature. 

"That's good." And they launch into the rest of their check-in. No news yet from Proximacard and the storm is as thick as ever from their scans, but other than that, there hasn't been too much disturbance on their end either. They filed the paperwork to deal with the sudden delay in their schedule, and they may be rerouted to dock at the nearest space station afterwards so he can get a proper check-up and they can restock on the supplies they're going to be down because of the delay, but it doesn't sound like they're in any trouble over it so far. 

Dabi hopes they'll be in even less of it when he uploads his notes about the Uzut and their abundance of Ladreynyx. 

///

The storm rages on outside and time slips by. By the end of the first week, Dabi feels gross enough that he needs to bathe and preferably clean his clothes as well. The only thing that keeps him from it initially, is that it's dark and still fairly cool in the cave even during the day, and he's worried that he won't be able to get them dry again. He voiced the concern to Tomura and the kir considered for a little while before he disappeared for a few hours. Then he'd come back with a few strange mud-covered bulbs like that of a tulip, that were as long as Dabi's forearm. Tomura used his claws to tear them open and inside had been a fibrous tissue that Dabi had been able to light with his laser tool, creating a small fire near the second entrance to the cavern that he could use to dry his clothes over. That was a fantastic bonus, but he wasn't prepared for the kir to follow him into the second pool to bathe. 

His face had heated, but he stripped down anyway, only leaving his translator, the speaker wrapped around his throat, and the earpiece in place so that he would be able to understand what the creature said as he bent over the pool and sunk his arm in up to the shoulder. He pulled up an egg-plant shaped fruit from inside of the water, that was bleached as white as so much of the vegetation that grows near the ground on this planet. He squeezed it, and it started to ooze out a thick viscous liquid that smelled strongly herbaceous, and Dabi had to pull his clothes back on to run a sample through his scanner to determine that it wouldn't melt off his skin before he'd accepted it. 

It definitely wasn't quite soap as he was used to it, but the way it lathers and how it does help to leave his skin clean in a way he guesses isn't dissimilar to the way bitter ginger nectar can on earth. He washes himself and his clothes, and then wraps himself up in his thermal blanket as he waits for them to dry. And Tomura stays with him, his eyes linger over his body, but Dabi can't begrudge him that. He's been looking at the alien's body whenever he can, fascinated by every inch of pale flesh and patch of scales, the curve of muscles beneath, his single armored finger on each hand, his sharp, bright eyes and large, dangerous teeth. Tomura is far from the first alien species he's ever interacted with, but this is different from meeting a foreign species in one of his classes or on an established planet. This feels... special. So he doesn't protest when he finds the creature's strange eyes lingering on any patch of his skin, and when he chitters at him inquisitively about the scars littered across his body, Dabi explains what those are too. 

It's especially amazing how he takes that in stride and it doesn't change the texture of his glances. There is no pity that sours his looks. It's been a very long time since Dabi met someone who could manage that.

///

The first week is the most difficult, and even then, it's only a challenge because they are starting to put together a routine. Not because there is any real hardship. He learns that aside from hunting when he's hungry, something he usually only has to do once a week given the volume of what he eats during his meals, Tomura spends most of his days sleeping. It's not uncommon for species that haven't developed other kinds of entertainment, and since the kir are intensely isolationist to maintain their territories, they don't have any kind of society or trading. Dabi talks a little about his, how humans are a social species, how they have laws and things that they have to abide by so that they could invent agriculture and industry. He's not trying to convince the kir that is the way things should be done-- the earliest humans who wanted to explore the stars had definitely tried that, and there are chapters after chapters dedicated to them in every textbook for every beginner course on space travel that talks about how they were slaughtered for trying to colonize other sentient races. Which is why Exovin's policies are to make contact and enter discussions, meeting the dominant species on their terms before anything else. 

Tomura asks about how humans live on Earth and in their societies, so Dabi tells him. And in turn Tomura tells him things about his species. 

"Our mothers lay and hatch a clutch of usually two to three young at a time." 

"You have siblings?" 

"One, a sister. I haven't seen her since we left our mother's den when we were of age. I believe she makes her territory in the desert." 

"Will you ever visit her? Or your mom?"

"No, females are fiercely territorial. She would probably tear off my head long before realizing who I was." He chitters, but the translator says he's amused by the thought, so Dabi figures that his species must not get lonely, must not crave connection the way humans do. "Do you have siblings?" 

"Yeah, I'm the oldest of four. I have one younger sister and two younger brothers." And on and on their conversations go. 

Tomura doesn't seem to have any concerns about having their long talks, especially not when Dabi doesn't protest to him wrapping around his body the same way he does when they are laying together in his burrow at night. And Dabi never protests, even when he is made to feel so small because Tomura's voice is always so low. It rumbles through his chest in his chitters, growls, and purrs as he speaks, and they send a low, steady hum throughout the room. The vibration of them as he speaks sometimes makes gooseflesh crawl along his skin... and sometimes it puts a little heat there too. 

Dabi really does his best to not think about that, but he can't quite help it. He recognizes the growl that he lets out when he says 'little one' even without the translator now. Fuck, maybe three years without any sexual contact that wasn't his own hands is more than he thought it was. He never broke down or hooked up with any of the others, though he thinks that they may have been on and off throughout their voyage. He wasn't usually aching for it, but something about Tomura, something about the way he watches him, the way he leans in close and speaks too him so low that Dabi can feel the echoes of his voice in his own chest, that's making the celibacy a far more noticeable inconvenience. 

But he doesn't know how the kir mate, and he is not about to ask. Besides, he's damn sure that Twice and Magne won't let him live it down if his 'first contact' has to have the 'Kirk Clause' added to his final report. 

///

At the midpoint of the storm, the howling winds, crashing thunder, and torrential rain somehow get even worse. His check-in isn't until tomorrow, but Dabi has a sneaking suspicion that they're getting into a severe enough storm that tornados would be possible if this were Earth. He asks Tomura if they have tornadoes here, and he seems flabbergasted by the concept, which leads them to discussing the different natural disasters that they can have on their opposing planets and Dabi watches Tomura dig out another little hole in the side of the wall, easily breaking through the stone and scraping away the contents.

He had been thinking, given it was a smaller structure, that it was going to be a bed for him, because the kir wanted him out of his space, but when it's finished, it's just big enough for Dabi to store his kit and suit so that they aren't tucked off at the side of the room anymore. Tomura still lifts him into his bed at night and holds him close as they sleep, his purrs rumbling through them both.

///

It's still cool and late when Dabi wakes hearing his communicator chirping frantically from its place across the room. Tomura grumbles, but unwraps his tail from around Dabi's body, relinquishing his hold around his waist as well when he recognizes the sound. Dabi slips out of his burrow and goes over to retrieve his tablet, taking it into the bathing chamber so that he doesn't disturb Tomura any more than he already has as he answers with a yawn, 

"Hey Mag--" 

"Dabi," her tone is strained in a way that has him sharply shaking the last lingering threads of sleepiness. 

"What is it? What's going on?" 

"Are you alright? Tomura hasn't hurt you?" 

He blinks. "No, of course not-- Why?" 

Her face is pale and drawn as a file comes through for him. "We got the communication back from Proximacard. They registered the dominant species as REH-129, and marked the planet as 'unsuitable' for foreign life because the species was extremely hostile. Six of their people died." 

Dabi opens the file, trying to make sense of what she's telling him. He mutes the video file that's been attached to the report, leaving the subtitles on, and watches as the Proxima crew lands and starts to comb the jungle, taking their own samples and exploring. It's sunny and bright in the video, but the footage has clearly been edited down to show the first contact with-- Tomura. There's no mistaking the creature. He knows his eyes, his hair, recognizes the way he holds himself as he looms over the crew in one of the trees and clicks and snarls at them. He asks them who they are, why they're in his territory, and Proxima tells him that they've arrived to enter the planet into the rest of the interplanetary community, they say they're looking for useful things, that they want to find the government if there is one here, they hold themselves firm and strong in the wake of Tomura's increasing agitation. 

They open fire when he moves too quickly into their space. The phaser blast hits his skin and dissipates across it harmlessly. And Tomura opens his mouth wide enough to show off all of his teeth before he lunges. The footage is shaky and awful then, a horrible blur of violence as he watches Tomura easily tear through their suits, through flesh, as he cuts down the members of Proxima. They learn quickly enough that they need to run, and the last of the footage shows Tomura dragging their dead deeper into the jungle. His stomach twists. 

Based on the feedback they were able to get from the suits, he'd eaten a fair amount of the remains before the signal stopped transmitting. 

"They tried exploring other regions and they found the other REH-129's to be as aggressive if not more so." She warns. "Are you sure you're safe there?" 

He was positive of it up until ten minutes ago. "He hasn't ever hurt me." Is all he can think to say. He doesn't want to elaborate too much about how close they've been so far. 

"That may not always be the case. The Proxima members who survived their other interactions found that phasers didn't work, but electricity and laser weapons could do some damage. If you need to protect yourself--" 

"Okay." He cuts her off, his stomach gone sour from this new knowledge she's saddled him with. "He hasn't made any aggressive action towards me. He said his people are territorial-- they don't even visit family members to keep out of each others' space. They may have just been scared of how many people were showing up in their domains." He tries weakly. But that doesn't take away seeing how bloodthirsty Tomura could be if the mood struck him. 

Magne doesn't look satisfied with that. "Make sure you're wearing your monitor for your vitals, alright?" So they know if he gets killed. It's not as if they can get down here to help him if they think he's in trouble. 

"Okay." He agrees, but they don't stay on the call much longer than that. He doesn't return to bed for a long while. 

///

He can't help but keep replaying those clips over and over in his head as Tomura stretches and readies himself for the day. He yawns wide and shows all of his too many teeth-- and then he licks his lips like a cat when he's finished. He tilts his nose up and scents the air, opening his mouth again to get an even better read on the room, and Dabi sincerely hopes he can't literally smell the discomfort under his skin. 

"Hmm, I'm going out to hunt. I'll bring back a feast for us, little one." 

He has never felt so relieved to be alone as he does now. "Oh, you don't have to worry about me--" 

The creature titters at him in that low grumble, leaning down a bit to nose at his hair for a second before moving on. "You will like what I return with." He promises, and then moves out to the edge of the cave. "Stay in this chamber. The weather may be worse before I return." If Tomura had said that yesterday, Dabi would have asked if he had to hunt today, or if he could hold off until things got a little better, but he doesn't now. Now he's worried about what Tomura will do if he gets hungry, so he says nothing. He goes and Dabi tries to put it out of his mind. 

 It's worse than failure when he watches the videos over, and over, and over again, as if that will somehow make the horrors he's seeing less real instead of more. 

///

He's alone until it's starting to get cold again, and Tomura returns with his kill. He made sure to bring the same creature as the first time, knowing that Dabi can eat that too, and an array of other fruits. He waits patiently for Dabi to test them to see what he can eat and what he can't, and he does have to put one aside for containing a nearly lethal dose of arsenic around any of the flesh that touches the seeds. But otherwise, he's able to try the four that are presented to him. Tomura watches him, his tail slithering languidly across the floor, a constant purr in the back of his throat. 'Happy' the translator tells him when Dabi lights up as he finds one of the fruits tastes like fresh strawberries and citrus. 'Content' it says as they eat together. He tries to pretend that he isn't scared when his mouth opens to tear into meat and fruit with the same ferocity. 

Tomura takes the remnants of their meal and disposes of them and he wonders if he goes to the spot where he dumps the remains of his kills, if he'll find anything he can bring back to the ship of the Proximacard crew, something to send their families, maybe. He tries not to think about that. He waits for the other to clean the blood from his skin and return and he cuddles up in his burrow with him when they're both full and starting to really feel the bite of the cold air as the storm rages on. 

///

Dabi wakes to Tomura nuzzling into his neck and purring loudly, he shifts a little to hit his translator, usually leaving it off at night to save battery, and is immediately told 'hungry', which sends ice flooding his gut. 

"Tomura," his voice is thin with his sudden, sharp terror as the kir coils his tail tighter around his body, pinning his arms to his side and forcing him still as he nuzzles in closer to his neck. His tongue flicks over Dabi's skin as he takes a deep breath, scenting him more thoroughly than he ever has before. 

"You smell so good, little one." He purrs, nuzzling his skin again. "Smelled like this all day. What's different, Dabi?"

'Hungry' the translator tells him again as Tomura purrs, the sound of it rumbling through Dabi's body and trying to shake loose his arousal alongside the fear tinging his veins. "I-- Tomura--" He squeaks softly as one of his large hands moves around his waist, slipping underneath his shirt and meeting his skin with cooler flesh and the barest prickle of his sharp claws. Tomura's tail moves, trying to wrap a little tighter around him, as he shifts so that they're not laying curled around each other anymore, but the other creature has his weight over him. And his tail drags over the inside of his thighs as it rearranges itself, putting a pressure somewhere that's had none for so long. Preparing to die by being eaten alive is really not the appropriate time for his body to start to warm, but Dabi lets out a whimper as it happens, two sharp spikes of heat in his cheeks as he feels his face begin to blush. 

The translator clicks something out in Tomura's language and Dabi stiffens, terrified of how that was translated. Tomura hears it and then lets out the loudest, deepest growl that he's ever heard from him which should be pants-shittingly terrifying, and instead only makes Dabi's body go a little warmer from hearing it echo around the enclosed space. His hands are firm as they pull at him, forcing Dabi onto his stomach and before he can ask what he's doing, he's got one of his elongated, armored fingers between his teeth. his mouth stretches around the intrusion as it pushes into him, back until it's filling him, the tip making his throat flutter as it sits just at the point of breaching him. It's been long enough that he's had something there that Dabi gags weakly, his head going into a dizzying spin of terror and arousal. 

Tomura presses his face into the back of his neck again as his tail wraps around one of Dabi's thighs and pulls it up, making him tuck it between his chest and the floor, his other hand around his hip and pulling those up and back so that he's spread wide. 'Hungry, hungry, hungry' the translator tells him, but Tomura is growling and purring. The hand that isn't in his mouth moves over his hip and up his back, pushing his shirt up with the movement. 

"I thought that things may be different for humans-- but you smelled so good, little one. This is good, isn't it? This is what you're hungry for, isn't it, Dabi?" His voice ripples through him and Dabi doesn't know how to think past that sound, past the fullness in his mouth to find fear when Dabi is hungry. Hungry in a way that the translator doesn't understand in its coolness. Not for either of them. 

He moans weakly around the intrusion in his mouth and timidly rocks his hips back. The growl that Tomura lets out has Dabi's cock hardening as the kir presses in even closer, putting his hips flush to Dabi's ass. But he's never seen the other's sex organs, and he can't feel anything now. He whines around his finger, licking and sucking at his claw, and making the alien purr even louder as he does. He doesn't protest as he pulls at his waistband and the sweats and his boxers slip over his hips, leaving him open and exposed to the other, his cock already half hard. 

Tomura purrs and leans in close again, nuzzling against the back of his neck as his hips move against Dabi's bare skin again. And this time, he feels something slick starting to spread over his skin. It's hot and viscous, and Tomura's tail uncoils partially from his limbs so that the thin tip can move between his legs. It pauses on its way to his hole, finding his cock and rubbing along him. "That's it, little one. I'll give you what you need." 

Dabi feels certain he's going to when that tail leaves his cock, which has him whining and reaching his hand between his legs to touch himself, as his tail slithers over his balls and to his hole, spreading around more of that slick over him. He's happy to have it because all too soon, the tip is prodding at his center, nearly as wide as two fingers and Dabi is moaning again. It's been so long since he's had anyone else touch him there and he is desperate for it now. Has been desperate for this creature's touch since he first caught his chin. He tries to stay relaxed as his muscles are rubbed at gently. For all that Tomura is so large, such a violent predator, he seems to know how to be careful where it counts and Dabi will take that if he can get it. He still doesn't know what the other's genitals look like and he's not even sure if they're compatible like this, but he's willing to try. 

The tail spreads that slick inside of his hole, moving against him in serpentine, undulating motions that makes all of those nerves light up in a way his own fingers haven't been able to since he's been on this excursion. His tail isn't like his fingers, it's so much longer and it gets perfectly thicker as Tomura feeds it into his body inch by inch. He had been hoping for a cock, but Dabi won't complain if this is what he gets instead. He squeezes himself at his base when Tomura's tail rubs just right and he finds his prostate, the loud moan that comes out of him is muffled around his finger as his whole body goes tight and he jerks his hips back against the alien's strength to try and get more of that sensation where he wants it. 

Tomura growls again and that does not help Dabi's leaking cock. Fuck. It's been so long since he was fucked-- he's pretty sure he's not going to last very long at this rate. He forces himself to let go of his aching cock, clutching onto handfuls of the bedding instead as Tomura's tail thrusts inside him a few more perfect times. He feels helpless, useless in the creature's grasp, and tries to show that he can be worth his time, sucking on his finger, swallowing around him, and running his tongue along the chitin-like armor plates along it, careful of the sharp tip of his claw against the sensitive tissue inside of his mouth. It earns him another low purr and his tail starts to retreat. 

He wishes he could speak, but his talon is too deep in his throat for him to manage it, instead whining as he's made suddenly empty. Dabi tries to push back, wanting to be fucked full desperately, and going stiff as he feels his ass rub against Tomura's hips. It hurts a little and he has to nip at his finger to get him to pull back just enough so that he can peek over his shoulder, but as soon as he does, he thinks his brain may melt. 

Like most reptilian races, Tomura has internal sex organs. Or internal until they're needed, and they both need them now. The two cocks are pressing out of a slit between his legs, stacked on top of one another, thicker than Dabi's and longer too, proportional for his body, but holding the same familiarly phallic shape that he expects. There are bumps along the top, ridges that move up his lengths to frame his head, and he's soaked, that thick slick dripping translucent from his heads and his slit. He whimpers. He wants to be full but-- but they're so big. 

Tomura's other hand cups his ass, pulling him open wider, his thumb brushing the edge of his flushed, puckered hole, and opening those stretched muscles again so he can dribble more of his slick inside. "Such a pretty color, little one." He purrs and makes Dabi tremble as his voice sinks that praise all the way into his bones. He presses forward, his heads rubbing against his hole, and he goes absolutely breathless with his anticipation. There's no way that he can fit both of those inside. A thin panic starts to go through him, terrified he'll be torn open, but the kir seems to recognize the tightening of his hole as nerves, seems to see the difference in their size, and he shifts to just focus on his lower member, letting the other glide between his cheeks instead as that blunt head starts to push inside of him. 

His cock is thicker than the amount of tail he was given, and the stretch, even through the slick, makes Dabi moan. Tomura starts to chitter too, purring his pleasure, and the translator can only tell him 'good' and 'hungry' as the kir slowly feeds his first cock into Dabi's body. He hopes that the other understands how good he's feeling as well, and tries to lave his tongue along his finger like he would if he had one of those thick, gorgeous cocks inside his mouth. It takes a moment before he's inside as deeply as he can go, purring the entire time. But once he is, he starts to gently rock his hips, and that immediately makes Dabi desperate for it. He doesn't know if he's ever wanted to be fucked harder in his entire life, and he can't stop himself from trying to immediately twitch his hips back to get more. 

For a split second he thinks he must have done something very wrong because Tomura snarls, his grip tightening everywhere. He's certain for a moment that he's about to die impaled on this creature's cock, but then he's pulling his hips back and snapping them forward into his body. Dabi lets out a loud cry of pleasure, his cock twitching and begging for release as the kir sets to a fast, brutal pace that pushes Dabi deeper into the bedding. 

He's blinded by his pleasure, by the rough thrusts of the other man, and he can't even swallow around the finger in his mouth anymore, drool slipping out past his lips. But as he gets more pliant, Tomura must think he's ready for more, because he draws his hips nearly all the way back on one thrust, and then there are both heads at his hole again. He doesn't have a chance to tighten, to fear, this time because it's a smooth movement, eased by his slick, and unrelenting in the even pace he uses, as he fucks both of his cocks into his hole. 

Dabi has never been this full before. Hasn't ever felt such blinding, perfect pressure against every inch of his inner walls, a constant, hard press against his prostate just from how deeply his cocks are reaching and how wide they're stretching him. And he can't hold on. Dabi gives a broken sob as his balls tighten as he's made so, so full, and he cums all over the creature's bed. 

"That's it, little one," Tomura chitters, his other hand going to Dabi's softening cock and cupping him, keeping his sharp talons far from his skin. "Such a good boy, showing me how good you feel. Show me again." 

He doesn't have the breath, or the use of his tongue to tell the other that he can't again immediately, but it doesn't matter. Tomura keeps fucking him, his cock pushing pleasure along every inch of his nerves until Dabi thinks he might tear around it. And he doesn't stop until Dabi is hard again and moaning and sobbing constantly as Tomura's thrusts and growls go through him and make him so, so hot. He didn't know he could feel like this-- he's never wanted someone like he wants Tomura right now. and it's with a fresh sob that he finds himself going impossibly tighter around the kir's cocks as his own pulses with pleasure as he spills across the bed a second time. 

The tightening of his muscles again seems to be what pushes Tomura over the edge, his hips slamming hard into Dabi's, putting his cocks as deeply inside of his body as possible, and then he snarls. The sound should be terrifying, but it only makes Dabi keen with an animal pleasure he's never felt before, as his cocks twitch and he soaks his insides with his cum. 

It takes so long for him to stop spilling, and by the time he has, both of their breaths are just starting to calm from the way they were echoing around the little burrow. He pulls out and Dabi mewls as he feels the flood of him go down his legs and soak the bedding. But Tomura doesn't seem to care. He purrs and chuffs at him, 'content, content, content', pulling Dabi's exhausted body in close as he licks the tears from his cheeks, but he doesn't take his finger out of his mouth. Dabi doesn't protest it, slumping against his chest and letting himself be soothed to sleep by the happy purrs deep in his throat. 

///

When he wakes again, he's horribly sticky, and still cuddled up tight against Tomura's chest, his jaw aching a little because he still has the tip of his finger between his lips. Dabi tries to shake the last of the sleepiness and reaches up to pull on Tomura's wrist. The kir looks at him, his tail twitching with his agitation, but he hesitantly lets him take it from his lips. A low, clicky, chirp leaves his throat as he does, and Dabi frowns as the translator tells him 'fear'. 

"What's wrong?" His throat feels a little thick, and he really is gross from the mix of sweat, cum, and bedding stuck to his skin, But he does not want Tomura to be scared, or threatened, by him. He doesn't even want to imagine how badly that would go. 

"...Typically, we don't stay with our mate after we've finished." He says carefully, watching Dabi like he might be the dangerous one. "Females try to incapacitate males once they've finished mating. They often tear or bite off their mate's--" 

Dabi blanches. "Humans don't do that," he tells the other quickly. "Humans can stay with their partners if they want to, they raise their young together sometimes, no one gets hurt in our mating unless they want that, or unless... something else is going on that's not okay." He doesn't want to elaborate on that now, not when he's trying to put the other at ease. He catches his hand, lacing their fingers together, running one of his along the heavily armored one. "...You keep females gagged so they can't.. bite?" And clearly evolved this as a way of doing so. 

"Yes... Do humans not eat their mates?" 

"Not like that." Dabi explains. "Why do kir?" 

"Once impregnated, it becomes hard for a female to hunt, if a male can't escape before she's recovered from the coupling, she kills and eats him to sustain herself until she's ready to lay her clutch." He's fairly certain that sounds like the mating practices of some spiders on Earth and arachnid-like races that have been registered. He'll have to ask if female kir exhibit that same kind of sexual dimorphism later, but not right now. 

"Oh. Well, you don't have to worry about that with me. I'm not a kir and I'm not female. Humans don't use our mouths to hurt each other when we have sex, and we mate for pleasure, not just to make children." He explains carefully. A flicker of warmth goes through him. "I can show you what we use our mouths for." 

Tomura considers him for a moment, his other hand coming up to his jaw, his thumb catching his lower lip again. Dabi presses a kiss to the pad of his finger, waiting for him to decide. "Alright, little one. Show me." 

Dabi is still careful and slow as he moves up the creature's chest so that he can start by pressing a kiss to his cheek. His skin there is cool, but not covered in one of the thicker patches of scales that seem reserved for along the tops of his thighs, his back, chest, stomach, and along the backs of his arms. He peppers those little kisses along the seam of his elongated mouth, showing that there's nothing dangerous in the action before he takes a little breath, tries to push aside the flesh he's seen the other rend with his teeth, and gives him one against his lips. Tomura is still beneath him, letting him do what he pleases, and Dabi pulls back a little. 

"We use our tongues too-- just not our teeth. Can I?" He figures he's better off asking than having his tongue abruptly removed. 

"Be careful, you're so delicate, little one." The kir purrs and the sound of his voice, the soft concern in it, makes Dabi want to show him that his softness is good. That he can make it good for the other as well. 

He presses back in and seals their lips together, going slowly, but deliberately as he shows the other how to kiss him back. Tomura still hesitates when his tongue prods lightly at the seam of his lips, and Dabi tries to soothe away that concern by running his hands over his skin, along his chest, down to his waist as he all but climbs on top of the creature instead of just being cuddled against him. Tomura opens his mouth a little and Dabi slips his tongue inside, careful of his very, very sharp teeth. It takes some coaxing before their tongues are moving together, and Tomura's is so much longer and more flexible than Dabi's own, and he tastes like the fruits they'd eaten the night before, though mingled with the staleness of sleep. 

They kiss, and kiss, and the longer it goes on, the longer Dabi proves that his mouth isn't any danger to the other, the more bold Tomura grows, eventually even chancing slipping his tongue between Dabi's teeth and licking into his mouth the same way that Dabi had his. He moans, his cock starting to harden, because Tomura's tongue is longer, bigger, and settles inside with a weight that makes Dabi hungry for something else. 

He pulls back a little and when Tomura sees his cock starting to flush, he begins to purr loudly again, his tail moving up Dabi's thighs to prod at his hole again. Those nerves are so sensitive from being fucked before that Dabi immediately moans, rubbing himself against those questioning little touches, and then watching with his own fascination and arousal as that slit starts to show on the kir again. His skin separates along an invisible seam between his legs and a translucent fluid starts to leak out. His tail moves from Dabi's hole to tease along the lips of his sheath, making more of that slick ooze out, and when his tail is shiny with it, it goes back to Dabi's body. 

He hums, pleasure sparking down his spine, and a recklessness deep in him when he murmurs, "Humans kiss there too." 

Tomura chitters, a sharp surprised sound. "Do they now?" 

"Mmhmm," he agrees, trying not to get distracted as the tip of his tail slips inside. "Can I? Please? I like to lick my partner's cock-- cocks." He corrects. "I promise I don't bite." 

The kir hesitates a second but then lets out a low breath. "How can I deny my mate anything that would bring him pleasure?" And the words alone are doing it for him as he moves down Tomura's body. His tail stays stretching and teasing his hole, but Dabi is mostly focused on how badly he wants to have Tomura in his mouth. 

His heads are just starting to press out from his slit and Dabi gathers some of the slick dripping out across his fingers and gently slips one along the lower head and up into his sheath, just a bit. He glances up to make sure he isn't causing any discomfort, but Tomura is growling and purring as his cocks start to press out a little more. Dabi teases his fingers along and around him, finding the one place of Tomura's body that is as warm as his own. He licks his lips before bringing them to the head of his upper member, and then he licks gently against that sensitive part of his anatomy. The flavor of him is overwhelming. It's a sharp citrus flavor like so much of the fruit here, but it has a musky bitterness to it as well that tempers the flavor somewhat. It's a strange taste to have on his tongue, but not one he'll complain about, especially not when he hears the strained little chirp that the kir lets out as Dabi laves his tongue along him. 

He's more than wet enough with his natural lube for Dabi to be comfortable kissing him along his lengths as they continue to press out until he's fully erect again. And then Dabi leans in, and completely wraps his lips around the head of the upper one. Tomura growls as Dabi moves his tongue over him, reveling in just how soft his skin is. He forces himself to pull off, even though he wants nothing more than to have the weight of him in his mouth, stretching his jaw. 

"Can I keep going?" 

"Yes," The other sounds half crazed, a hand moving to catch his hair and pull him, trying to get more. 

Dabi laughs, pressing another teasing kiss to the one he hasn't sucked on yet. "I can't get both into my mouth, is that okay?" 

"Little one, anything you do with your mouth is more than enough." 

"If I tap your thigh, it means I need you to let go so I can breathe." He warns, but trusts the other not to hurt him, and too impatient to have his jaw stretched open again to wait for confirmation. 

Dabi figures he's representing the whole human race and their persistent love of both giving and receiving oral sex, so he doesn't do anything by half. He does his best to keep his head on and not drift away and just fall into the haze that having his mouth so full can put him into. He moves along his upper length, his hand wrapping around the lower one and stroking him in time with each movement of his head as he slowly bobs down lower, and lower, his tongue working over him. The ridges and texture along his cock feel as good in his mouth as they did when he had him inside of his body before, and he drools constantly against his tongue as he chitters, chirps, growls, and purrs in such a messy string of noises that goes straight to Dabi's cock and has him leaking against his stomach too. 

He lets himself warm up a bit longer before he takes a breath and then sinks down until his head is pressing past the tight ring of muscle into his throat. Dabi can immediately feel the stretch there and it has him moaning, sending those vibrations along Tomura's length and his hand tightens in his hair as he snarls again, his tail in turn, fucking deeper into Dabi's body. He tries to hold onto some sense of rhythm after that, but it feels impossible. He just can't stop himself, moaning and rocking, trying to be fucked from both ends, and Tomura obliges him. He starts to move his hips, lightly at first, but when Dabi sucks and swallows so hungrily around him, the movements get faster, harder, and Dabi is floating, taking in little sips of air between movements and moans as they move together. 

Dabi doesn't get a warning, forgot to say he would want one, when the kir is close. He just gets a sharper deeper flavor of citrus and salt on the back of his tongue, and then Tomura is holding him in place, holding himself deep in Dabi's throat, as he cums. The gush of it makes Dabi dizzy as he does his best to swallow and swallow, but it still feels like there's too much and he taps his fingers frantically against Tomura's thigh. The kir chitters and pulls out, and Dabi feels his cum drool across his chin, as he gasps for breath, moaning from how close he is to his own orgasm. 

Then Tomura pushes his thumb back as far as he can on one side of his jaw and keeps it spread open, "Give me your tongue, little one," he growls and Dabi can't do anything but moan deliriously and open wider, letting his cum-soaked tongue lull out over his lower teeth and sore lip. Tomura shifts, bringing his second, still hard cock, to his mouth and fucking it inside. he doesn't push into his throat this time, but being used like this, just held open for the other's pleasure makes Dabi's entire body burn with his need. He finds himself moaning and shifting, spreading his thighs around one of Tomura's and rubbing his dripping cock against the texture of his cool scales there. That sensation makes his nerves scream, and Dabi chases more and more of it. Tomura fucks his tail and cock into him at the same frantic, unrelenting pace, and in a matter of minutes, his cum is splashing across Dabi's tongue again, and Dabi is following him, cumming hard against his thigh as he tries to swallow as much as he can with his mouth held open. More of it just spills down his chin and onto their skin, but the kir is purring the entire time that Dabi shudders through his orgasm. 

"Gorgeous, little one. So beautiful, so wonderful. My mate," he praises, gently removing himself from inside of Dabi's body. Dabi can't even hold himself up anymore from how good his whole body feels in the wake of his orgasm. Tomura just gathers him up again, and holds him close, licking up the mess from his skin as he purrs and purrs. 

///

They can't keep their hands off of each other once they've started, and Tomura learns to wrap his serpentine tongue around Dabi's cock and lick, squeeze, and stroke him like that until he's falling apart. He delights in learning about his prostate and that his tongue can be as good as his tail or cocks to stimulate the gland as well, and make Dabi feel good too. And they still talk, they still share meals together when Tomura goes out to hunt, and Dabi grows accustomed to the creature purring and purring all day, every day, getting even louder whenever they touch. 

But for as good as the sex is, as kind as the kir has been to him, Dabi knows, and when he goes out to hunt again and Dabi is left with only the dwindling storm as company, he finds himself thinking about that again and again. He sits with those thoughts making him colder and when the other comes back with more fruit and a smaller reptilian quadrupedal corpse, Dabi knows he has to shatter this soft thing between them that feels so good. 

"Tomura?" 

"What is it, little one?" He asks, setting down the food and coming to get into Dabi's space, licking over his cheek as he scents him deeply. 

"...I'm not the first human you met." He says carefully, watching the creature's strange eyes. "Another group came here, right? In orange suits?" 

Tomura's lip curls back and he gives an unhappy hiss. "Yes. They were not like you. They were many and violent. They encroached on my territory," His tail flicks with his agitation. "They wanted to take my land as their own and claim the spoils of it." 

"...You killed them." 

"Of course." He doesn't sound concerned about that, but when Dabi doesn't say anything for a second, Tomura nuzzles in a little closer, chittering at him softly. "They were different from you, Dabi. You came to my home and asked for permission, you ensured you were not hurting me or my land. You met me with kindness, not violence. I will meet you in kind for as long as you stay here with me." He promises. 

Dabi lets out a shaky breath. Well, he guesses when he calls Fuyumi next time he's on the ship, he's going to have to actually thank her for smacking him all throughout high school until he finally grew some manners and tact. "The storm is going to stop soon, isn't it?" 

"You could stay anyway." Tomura offers, "I would never begrudge your company." 

He can't, but the kir seems to know that even without making him reject the offer outright. Instead Dabi wraps his arms around his neck and the other purrs softly before he leans in to give him a kiss. 

They don't eat until, much, much later. 

///

The rain does stop after another three days and Dabi watches it happen with a hollowness in his gut, even as Tomura brings him outside so that he can see the three foreign moons sitting high and lovely in the sky. He sits close to him as he calls back to base and Compress tells him that if he can retrieve his pod, then he should be ready to go as soon as he's able, the kir scratching at his neck almost constantly as he listens. They're already so far behind schedule that they really can't afford to linger, and they're sure he's ready to come home too. The Ingenuity has been his home for years, he should be excited to go back. There's a pit in his stomach as Dabi puts what he's taken out of his pack, back inside, and Tomura ensures that he's leaving with samples of every fruit that he's given him. 

He walks with him out through the mud that Dabi really would have expected to be thicker given how much rain they had, but it seems as though the temperature creeping higher and higher is sending it evaporating and choking the environment with humidity and fog. Tomura keeps an eye out, ensuring no creature is brave enough to try to hunt him. The lake is, unsurprisingly, flooded, coming up to the tree line, but with a press of a button, the submerged pod is able to dislodge itself from the soft earth and crawls up to where they're standing. And then there's really no stalling anymore even though it feels like there's lead in his chest. He's only just started to turn to Tomura when the kir wraps his tail around his waist, and cups his face between his hands and kisses him. Dabi meets it just as desperately. Fuck he's going to miss Tomura. It's a sharp burning ache of that deep in his chest. 

"Be safe in your travels, little one," Tomura murmurs, resting their foreheads together. "And if the moons allow, come back to me again?" 

He feels his throat tighten. Two more years of his trip surveying this sector, then a year minimum back on Earth, waiting with baited breath to find out if this planet will even be considered for deeper study given how hostile the kir can be. Another four months to travel out here again. That's so long. Tomura might not even still be here when he gets back-- if he does. "I'll try. Thank you, for everything. I wouldn't have survived without you and I'm so glad that we were able to meet." He gets up on his tiptoes, and Tomura gives him another kiss. 

"...Be safe, Dabi." He seems reluctant to let go of him, but he has to, and Dabi steps away and seals up his suit and puts on his helmet. 

He doesn't dare watch out the window as he gets inside and does his final checks for launch. He is not gonna walk back into the Ingenuity crying. 

///

When he arrives back, he's immediately put in full quarantine. It's standard procedure for an extended stay on a foreign planet and Dabi subjects himself to it without complaint. Twice has him go through a barrage of medical scans, even as all of them talk to him through the glass like he's a zoo animal about how happy they are he's back. And he is happy to see them again. He did miss the familiar halls, their faces, but he doesn't think he does a very good job of hiding his melancholy. Definitely not when Magne and Compress come to see him at around midnight the third night that he's in quarantine and they pour him a shot before carefully passing it through one of the special hatches in his containment unit, before they both take a seat on the other side. 

"So Twice reviewed your vitals data from while you were planet-side." Magne starts. "I tell you a guy killed six people and you immediately have to get on that as fast as possible?" She teases carefully. 

But Dabi doesn't want to tease, doesn't want to make light of something that felt so... solid. Real. It only was a week and a half and Dabi is pretty sure it's the only romantic entanglement he's had in his life that made him want to stick around and find out how much more that could be. He drinks instead of answering her and Compress takes that as his cue to step in. 

"Dabi, whatever happened on the planet... if you're in need of counseling or assistance--" 

"Wasn't forced, Mister," he says flatly. "Tomura was good to me. He didn't like that the Proximacard crew tried to pull their colonizing bullshit. I was polite, he didn't see me as a threat, and we got close." He puts his cup back into the slot, waiting for it to be decontaminated before Magne can pour him another. "I've started writing my report, I'm being as thorough as possible." 

"...I'm sure there are things that you won't be including in that report. And that's fine, Dabi." Compress tells him gently. "But we're here as your friends. If that's something you need right now." 

Magne pours herself and Compress a shot and then puts the whole bottle in the chamber for Dabi. "Come on, firecracker, tell us about the scary lizard boy you had to hump and dump." 

"He purrs like a cat." He grumbles, taking the bottle when it's relinquished. "And he's got two dicks." 

"Oh, well, I could overlook murder for that too," she agrees sagely and Dabi tries to unravel the knot of sorrow that's been living in his gut. 

///

It's not years before Dabi is touching down far closer to the cave system that he spent so much time in before. It's only six months. Six long, agonizing months negotiating his contract. He'll still have to go back to the nearest base in a year and a half if Tomura lets him stay, and he'll be responsible for trying to find a way of harvesting the fruit of the uzut to try and find a sustainable way of getting more of the Ladreynyx for further study-- but he can stay here if Tomura lets him. 

He disembarks with a shaky breath. He has his own ship now, not a pod. It's small, only big enough for him and maybe one other person, and it won't be able to travel long distances, but it's his, and it can take him away if he's not welcome anymore. God, Dabi hopes he's still welcome. He takes off his helmet before he steps out of the ship, hoping that seeing his face will ensure that he doesn't draw any undue ire from the kir. 

"Tomura?" He calls into the forest, into the cave. Things are so quiet for a second and then he hears twigs snapping, and before he can fully turn, the kir is breaking through the tree line and rushing up to him. Dabi has a split second of terror that he'd mistaken what happened between them, his heart going to have to break before it stops beating-- but then he hears Tomura's familiar purrs as his hands catch his face and his tail wraps around his waist as he's hoisted from the ground so that the kir can chitter and purr at him as he brings their mouths together in a series of frantic, needy kisses. 

"Dabi," his name is spoken with such reverence between the kisses that it leaves him breathless. "You're back--"

"I'm back," he agrees, warmth blooming in his stomach as he curls his hands over the kir's shoulders. "I can stay, if you'll let me--" 

"I regretted letting you go the moment you left." And Dabi thinks, maybe, if he didn't know the other creature so well, that might be a frightening sentiment. But instead he feels so warm. 

"I've been trying to come back ever since. I have obligations, my company wants me to send more samples, and I'll have to leave again for a little while to check in, but I can stay," his voice still goes small. "I can stay?" Because this is for so much longer than before, this is asking a lot of a creature whose race typically lives in solitary. 

"By my side forever, little one." Tomura promises him, leaning in to nuzzle at him and scent his skin. "So I never have to miss you so fiercely again." 

Dabi doesn't know if kir have a word for love in the romantic sense when they barely hold ties to their families. But Dabi hopes that a year and a half to start is long enough for him to figure out how to explain the concept. 

Thank you so much for reading and thank you @norsetenko for commissioning this piece! If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a comment, they brighten my day!

[sleepy-achilles]

This song is so them all coded it's unbelievable.

The Black cats and their white cats.

The German shepherd's and their golden retrievers.

Drew refused to give up on Leon. He believed so strongly the man only saw him as a friend. It wasn't until he caught up on the program after he was knocked out by the bloodline to see that murderous look on Leon's face as he destroys the entire Bloodline. Drew watches in shock. Leon insisted he didn't want the belt, he wants nothing to do with that bloodline mess. And yet here he was holding Romans belt above his head as the champ and his family are sprawled out on the matt. "Touch Drew again. And I'll break every bone in the Anoa'i Family's bodies." Leon growls as he throws the belt, allowing it to his Paul sending the fat man flying.

"You wouldn't dare." Roman coughs. Leon chuckles darkly and leans down close to the injured man. "Thats where your wrong. I'd kill for Drew. I'd die for him. Either works for me." Leon whispers.

That's when Drew realised...this man would burn the world for him.

-----

John felt destroyed. He had promised so many he'd defeat the rock and his big ego. And he failed. "How could I be so st-" "You wanna speak up boy?" John pauses at the curtain at the Rocks voice. He looks in and is taken back to see Randy squaring up to the bigger man. "You can disrespect me all you want. But you keep John's name out of your mouth." Randy growls. "Since when did you care aye? Last time I checked you were chasing the younger michaels." Rock chuckles. John's heart tightens. He isn't as stupid as everything thinks. He knows something happened between Randy and Leon. It broke his heart.

His eyes widen as Randy bounces a chair off the rocks head. "Oh thats where your wrong. Id kill for john. Ill die for him." Randy chuckles as he throws the chair against the wall and stands over the man. "Come near John again and I'll destroy you. You and everything you care about. You'll never be able to step foot in an arena again without pissing yourself." Randy growls before kicking the man and storming off. John's heart races as he stares at the others back.

"Randy!"

----

"Awe look Uso. He's gonna cry" Shawn frowns and steps back. "Im not in the mood." Shawn whispers. He's already had enough off the harts, he didn't need this either. "Ha he is go-" Shawn looks up as the man falls silent. He's shocked to see Taker stood infront of him, a dark fire burning in his eyes. "You can go now Shawn. They won't be bothering you anymore." Taker states calmly. "I...okay" Shawn whispers. The man turns to his side to let Shawn past. Shawn can't help but stop and turn to the man.

Taker faces his friends. "You leave him alone." Taker tells them. "Since when did you-" "You leave him alone before I'm making you dig your own graves." Taker growls. "So what everyone else can tease him-" "I just got back from telling Hart to stay away from what's mine. I reminded him what I do to people who touch and hurt what's mine. That i will kill for him. Ill die for him" Taker levels them.

Shawns eyes widen and he covers his mouth to muffle a gasp. It doesn't work. His back hits the wall around the same corner Taker just came from as the men turn. He hopes they didn't see him.

Did Taker not only just threaten his only friends but call Shawn his?

Shawn clenches his fists against his rapidly beating heart as his eyes close.

"You really like him."

"I'd let the world Burn for him."

---

Cassies hands shake. How had everything escalated so quickly?

She was supposed to be marrying this man. Now she's watching him get beaten on live TV.

Rhea slams the chair against Austins head, splitting it. She throws the chair against the wall as he falls. "You had her. You had the perfect woman. The best girl ever and you failed her. You didn't treat her like the princess she is. You were selfish!" Rhea yells at him. "Rhea!" Austin croaks trying to escape the woman. She leans down and grabs him by the collar of his shirt. "I'd never do that to her. I'd destroy this world for her. Just so she could sit comfortably on her throne. I'd die for her. I'd kill for her. In fact, you owe the fact your still breathing to her." Rhea growls quietly. She shoves him back to the floor before walking past him. "I see you near her, you'll be waking up in a grave. She's mine now. Not yours." Rhea barks as she walks off.

Cassies heart races.

She has someone who'd risk their life to keep her safe. Someone who'll always put her first.

Cassie looks at the door as it opens, she quickly switches the tv off.

"Rhea.."

[raleighcarreras]

if i die young

Part 1: bury me in satin, part 2 , part 3 , part 4

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Black!fem!reader, Yelena Belova x female original character

Rating: M

Wrd Cnt: 2.4k+

Summary: You had heard the story countless times. In fact, the odds didn't seem all that impossible. One day, you're minding your business, the next, you're swinging through the city, after a spider bit you right on the face. Being a hero was pretty rewarding until the Black Widow is sent to stop you at every opportunity. You just wished you knew why she cared so damn much.

Warnings: canon typical violence, post nwh and MoM but no one is dead except tony, reader lives up to the spider-fam in the quips department, Natasha has feelings but boy is she trying not to, eventual smut, angst (but tasteful)

Notes: probably about 5 parts don't plan on it being long. please reblog and comment. The intro song is Trust by Neon Trees. Also of course 18+ only, minors and ageless blogs dni, I do not authorize anyone to use my work in any shape or form without express permission.

"That's the thing about trust"

One of your favorite pastimes was watching the New York City sunrise. It always had been. One of those things your parents would gently shake you awake for, hand you a toaster waffle or donut, then drag you onto the fire escape.

That had been good then, but this was great now. Now, you had the best seat in the house. The very top of the Bank of America Tower.

You're not entirely sure why you chose this particular building, it was no where near your apartment and it took forever to get back down to street level, but you chose it and it was yours now.

You hadn't been able to figure out how to program your web shooters to...well... shoot web at nearly that great a distance yet, so instead, you had to crawl up the side of the building for most of your journey.

The first time you scaled the building, you had been surprised the spot wasn't already taken. You knew there were at least two other "spider-people" in NYC and you figured this would have been prime real estate.

As you perched atop the building you grabbed your notebook and began sketching. You were getting tired of the ole black jumpsuit and mask you had been wearing. It was becoming tattered anyway. It was high time you looked like those other dweebs in tights. Maybe then, people would finally start taking you seriously.

You don't even get three strokes of your pencil in before the low buzzing in the base of your skull starts and it's time for you to step into action. Or rather, step off the building.

As you plummet toward the rapidly approaching asphalt in search of imminent danger, you can't help but think about how you got yourself into this mess.

Six months earlier

"Do you think I can get an interview with Pepper Potts?" Your bestfriend, Kamilah, asked you with an excited squeal.

"A job interview? With her personally? Hell no. But I'm sure the hiring department would be happy to see you."

You had been working at Stark Industries for almost two years. You weren't anyone super important but your job was nothing to sniff at either.

"You're the assistant head of tech. What do you know?" Kamilah huffed and crossed her arms.

You rolled your eyes, "What do you need a job interview for anyway? I thought you liked your New York Times gig."

Kamilah scoffed as you used your ID Badge to enter another room. Your office, for some reason, was just beyond the new branch of insect research Pepper had wanted to invest in. Finding out why was way above your pay grade.

"I do but you have to secure the bag somehow. You never know, maybe I just so happen to interview with Pepper, I strategically drop my pen, bend over to get it, then boom I'm the sexy, young house wife of a MILF and a stepmom."

You had half a mind to close the door in Kamilah's face. But unfortunately, your morals won out.

"Would it kill you to be normal? I'm already pulling every string known to man to get you this article interview with my boss. I'd have to get on my knees and tie my hair up to get you an interview with his boss!"

Kamilah bit the inside of her cheek, "You could use the action. It's gotta be like the Sahara down there."

You could only glare at her as you knocked on your boss' door. He opened it with a perpetually happy flourish and shook your companion's hand. Not that she deserved it.

"Kamilah Walter, for the NYT interview, I presume?"

Kamilah smiled that charming smile that you only saw when she wanted something, "One and the same. Thank you for your time, Mr. Foreman."

"Ah, call me Chase. Mr. Foreman is me but for people I don't like." He led the two of you away from his office and back toward the research area.

You tried not to visibly grimace at all the bugs on display. Chase must have noticed your look of confusion, he gestured into the room with a proud smile.

"This is what we requested the interview for. We plan to make this an off shoot of the tech department."

Kamilah looked at you, you only shrugged in return. You had known nothing about this.

"Top secret kind of thing, I'm sorry. Until today of course. We've been studying how to generate electricity with insects. Sort of like how the human brain does. We've actually powered this section of the building for an entire week without anyone noticing." He giggled like an excited schoolboy.

You gestured to a glass case illuminated with blue and yellow LEDs, you weren't stupid enough to walk up to it, but in the end that wouldn't matter, "I thought spiders weren't insects."

"They're not. They're arachnids, different thing, but they serve the same purpose in this case. They've all been enhanced in some way. Radiation, extreme climate, shockwaves. That's where the research part comes in. Trying to see what works best. The different colored LEDs designate treatment. Green is radiation. Red is extreme heat. Blue is extreme cold. And blue and yellow is electric shockwaves generated by the tech they're helping to power. A recycler's dream. Probably less than ethical, but Hell, what isn't nowadays."

You watched as Kamilah furiously typed everything your boss was saying in her notes app. She was probably recording too. You made sure to leave them to their devices and went back to your own office.

You never felt the bite. You never felt anything crawling around on you. You didn't even see any evidence of anything happening to you at all until three entire days later.

It started with a headache and a gnarly bug bite on your forehead. It ended with you sticking to the goddamn wall. And somewhere in the middle there you had charged your laptop by just touching it.

You were buzzing. You were buzzing. Like a damn electrical wire you were buzzing!

You didn't tell Chase. You didn't tell anyone but Kamilah. If only because someone had to tell your parents and siblings what happened just in case you fucking died.

Your senses were enhanced.

Kamilah had promptly fainted when you showed her you could stand on the ceiling. You had moved quickly to catch her and place her on your bed. She weighed about as much as a carton of eggs and you ripped up some drywall on your way down.

The only thing that kept you from freaking out too much was the fact that you had heard of this happening before. Twice before actually. The first guy it happened to...you could have sworn you knew his name once upon a time. Perry...Perez...? Ah it didn't matter. The second one, he was newer. You only knew of him what you saw on the news. He often wore a jacket over his suit, and he had a really nice pair of Air Jordans.

Nevertheless, you were not alone, and even though you had no intention of following up on it any time soon, it seemed there was only one logical conclusion.

Present

You don't think you'll ever get used to the feeling of swinging.

It was against your body's very nature. The physics alone would theoretically rip your arm right off your body.

But as of six months ago, psychics didn't really apply to you.

It took you forever to figure out how to locate a threat as a result of the low buzzing in your skull. But even now, when you're 125% sure you're swinging as fast as you possibly can in the right direction, the buzzing isn't letting up and the screams. Oh god, the screams you hadn't heard until now, they just keep getting louder and more blood curdling.

The smell of smoke is what hits you next, but you're still what has to be at least six miles out. The sirens come next and you're doing everything in your power to keep up.

Your brain, even before the bite, worked like a computer. Always going, always knowing. But despite its constant going, you were currently lacking any sort of knowledge.

What would you do when you got there? How would you know who to help? Would they even let you?

There was no way you'd be the only savior on sight. You were in New York for crying out loud. Maybe, it would be best for everyone if you just stayed off to the side and observed until you were absolutely needed. You had only been on the job for six months, your benefits hadn't even kicked in yet.

As you arrived on the scene, that was exactly what you did. Perching on a fire escape and taking note of the chaos.

The first thing you decipher is fire. A big one to be precise. Your computer powers or maybe just electricity powers (six months and you still hadn't exactly figured that out because what the hell did computer powers even mean) weren't needed to figure that one out.

There's some choice Avengers already on the scene. Mainly the ones with limited powersets. Maybe the Avengers had rankings like the military.

There's a Hawkeye. The girl one. The Winter Soldier, whom you could have sworn was in jail. Lastly, you're not the only spider-related person as there are two Black Widows. A redhead and a blonde. The latter of whom you're pretty sure who life you just saved as you sent an electromagnetic pulse through the ground. Sending her opponent (some kind of half man half robot thing) sprawling.

The redhead looks up in your direction with a glare and you stop in your tracks. You feel like you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar, and you have the overwhelming urge to run. Contrastingly, you can't look away.

Like any normal human, you mask your uncomfortableness with humor. So, you point down to the woman in black with a teasing smile that she definitely can't see.

"I'm honored that you feel the need to clock me as a threat, but you're about to get clocked in the jaw by a robot arm."

Ah maybe you skipped funny and went straight to annoying.

She dodged the aforementioned punch at the last second, but you didn't bother to stick around and wait for a 'thank you'. You hadn't been much help anyway.

~•~

The feeling that you're being followed comes in spurts in the following days.

Always when you're out patrolling the streets for would be muggings and never when you're alone and vulnerable in your apartment.

You have a sneaking suspicion you know exactly who is on your tail. You weren't surprised, not really. You had been joking when you suggested that she was clocking you as a threat, but you had a feeling The Avengers kept tabs on everyone and everything with enhancements that they could.

"You can sneak out of the shadows all international super spy-like whenever you're ready. I'll just be here, sitting on the edge of this building all alone."

You weren't scared of Natasha Romanoff (yeah you had done some research). The buzzing in the base of your skull would have gone off if you thought she was going to snipe you.

You weren't scared of Natasha Romanoff, but you sure were intimidated. Even when she slinked out of the shadows a little less than all international super spy-like.

You could hear her combat boots crunch against the rooftop with clarity. You were glad she was behind you, lest she see you cower under her gaze like you had the other day.

"You're losing your touch there. Are your targets supposed to know that you're trailing them?"

"Only when I allow them to." Her voice, rough with staying silent so long, wormed it's way into your brain. You were overwhelmed again.

You patted the slab over wall next to you, inviting her to sit down. She didn't and you laughed, "So? What do you want? I'm not trying to cause trouble, I just want to help."

And that was true. You just wanted to help. Sure, you didn't have the tragic backstory or the training, but you had the power and it would be unfair to everyone if you kept it to yourself.

"You're causing trouble by trying to help."

With that you turned to her with a deep frown. Your breath did well not to catch in your throat. She wasn't wearing her suit, no, you probably weren't important enough for that, instead she was wearing dark jeans and a matching leather jacket, a band tee underneath. As if she had more important tasks and had remembered she needed to bother you at the very last second.

But that was beside the point. The point was: she had no right to say that to you! You hadn't made any extra trouble by helping. You had even saved her colleague from getting dented by that cyborg thing. Instead, you had severely dented it. Hell, you did the same for her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Your irritation crept into your voice and she clearly found it amusing.

"It means stay out of it. We don't need any other liabilities."

You weren't a liability. You could hold your own. Sure, you had been a little frightened. And all that screaming had definitely scarred you for life, but you could do this. You knew you could. You had no choice but to be able to do this.

"Then just don't worry about me. I can hold my own."

"It doesn't work like that."

"Why not? You're a damn spy, Romanoff. You should know better than anyone that it can work like that. You just won't let it. Do the Avengers have some sort of monopoly over the hero business?" If she's surprised you know her name she doesn't show it. You're a tad disappointed in that and you're not sure why because you only found out from a quick Google search.

"You're a stubborn one, aren't you? Look, it's clear you don't know what you're doing," She gestured to your suit, or rather, lack thereof, "So, go home. And stay out of it. No need to potentially get yourself killed over this."

Why can she do it, but you can't?

[maplecornia]

chapter 26

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 1.85K

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst | bts x female!reader | ot7

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: i don't think i'll ever get over how hot Namjoon is ;-;

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language

tags: @kookaine | @fangirl125reader | @kookiebbyxx | @taradevonne | @rae-bear |@mangminnie | @pixiekooo

You groan as you lean against the pillar near the entrance to the BigHit building.

Last night, when Taehyung walked you back to your apartment, you didn't sleep very well. Turning to glare at your rather disheveled reflection in the mirror, you let out another groan.

Why did he have to show up? You were perfectly fine, things were perfectly normal, and then he had to screw up your heart all over again. Letting out a small scream, you throw a 3-second fit before leaning your back against the clear glass wall.

Sooner or later, you're going to have to go in.

Why can't it be later?

Letting out a guttural growl, you pull yourself off of the glass and head inside the building, stomping like a little two-year-old. You really don't want to see him today, you're afraid of what will happen if you do.

You don't want to fall.

Please God, don't let me fall.

Entering the building, you feel a bit more comfortable, not so out of place. Now, you have a purpose, a plan; a reason for being here. Smiling softly to yourself, you walk forward, this time nothing in your way. As you reach the receptionist's desk, you smile as you recognize Jojo behind it.

Playing coy, you knock twice on the desk before glancing away and holding your head in your hands. She glances up, ready to greet the newcomer but as soon as she sees your face, she breaks into a grin.

"Ah~ it's the snoozer, early today I see." You frown at the nickname but when she smirks your way, you can't help but grin like a giddy child. It feels good to have friends or at least the beginning relationships of one.

"I told you, the time was wrong." You pout, flopping on the desk and she laughs before preparing the schedule you need for Namjoon today.

"Mmhmm, and what happened yesterday? Was Mr. Kim too tired of waiting and told you to stay at home?" The mention of yesterday causes your grin to fade a little. With it comes the memory of Taehyung, and he starts to reenter your mind. Pulling yourself off the desk, you smile weakly, shaking your head.

"No, I had an injury, Namjoon wouldn't let me come in." She blinks a bit in surprise at the informal way you address him.

"'Namjoon?' Huh, I didn't think the two of you were that close. You only met once after all." She mumbles before typing something into her computer. Realizing your mistake you let out a small gasp.

"Oh, I'm sorry. He told me to call him without honorifics, I suppose it slipped my mind." You look away from her, a bit embarrassed, but as soon as she presses the print button, she chuckles.

"Don't worry, Yen. I was just joking." When you don't look at her, she sighs a bit before lightly knocking on your head. Surprised, you rub your forehead and pout as you meet her gaze once more. Smiling, she pays no mind, presenting you with an ID badge. Your eyes widen as you see it, and you take it from her waiting fingertips.

"Is this mine? I didn't think they'd process it so fast."

"Of course it's yours, whose else would it be?" Jojo chuckles, leaning over the counter and pointing to your name. "See? Lin Yen."

You bite your bottom lip, trying to suppress your grin. Somehow, this makes things all the more real, you can't help your delight at the sight. Jojo catches sight of the cute expression and can't help but laugh as she pulls away.

"Now hurry up, the schedule is all ready for the day. Don't forget to check in with the head manager, you remember his name right?" She reminds you, making you pause for a moment before you run off.

"Of course, it's Kim Sejin. Everyone knows that." She smiles at the coy response and waves you away.

"Okay, hurry up and go then. I'm sure Mr. Kim is waiting for you." You bow to her before taking off, a small bounce to your footsteps.

Walking through the halls without Namjoon is a bit scary, but exciting at the same time. You can't help but love the butterflies coursing through your stomach, and is it weird that you kind of want to barf and dance at the same time? Everything is so exciting and new, it's as though the world has been painted a different color.

You try your hardest to forget everything, just live in the moment as of right now. No more worries about the past. About your friends. About your mom. About Taehyung. Right now, you need to focus on yourself.

And this job seems like the perfect escape for that.

Humming slightly to yourself you do a little twirl in the hallway before turning the corner...

...and bumping right into Kim Namjoon.

You let out a small shriek, stumbling back, your body shrinking into a small protective ball like it normally does. It's a little defense mechanism you've acquired over the years. Your eyes closing themselves tightly, you don't realize who you've bumped into until he takes you by the shoulders and catches you mid-air.

Blinking as he rights you, you look up and find yourself face to face with your boss.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice coated with worry, and you chuckle a bit nodding sheepishly.

"Yes, I'm sorry I should've been paying attention to where I was going." You reply, stepping back from him. Though he sighs in relief as he releases you, you find that there’s a heavy cloud hanging over his head. He’s not fully there with you, lost in some unforgotten thought. Furrowing your brow in confusion, you wonder what happened to make him look that way. You open your mouth to ask him about it, but he's already speaking, and your words fall on deaf ears.

"It's a good thing that I bumped into you." You tilt your head in expectation, curious to what he's about to say next. "I needed to talk to you."

"But your schedule isn't ready yet--"

"That can wait."

You open your mouth to protest, but he's already taken you by the hand and is dragging you down the hallways.

Even though you cry out incomprehensible questions and sounds of alarm behind him, he can't seem to hear you. He doesn't want to hear you. His mind is too cluttered with the events of yesterday.

The outlandish plan that BangPD has in store for you.

-

"Why her?" He asks, his hands clenching tightly at his sides.

After the meeting, BangPD requested to meet privately with Namjoon, after all, he was the leader and one of the people that Sihyuk trusts the most. It didn't matter to RM anyway, he needed to talk to Sihyuk as well, and if it had to be on his terms then so be it.

Bang Sihyuk glances outside at the setting sun, casting shadows throughout his office. Serene and insoluble, shadows meant to conceal that which he would rather keep inside. He sighs before answering, his hands secured behind his back as he stands before the massive glass window.

"You know, BTS wouldn't have existed without you. If I had never come across you that day, if I had never been inspired to create a group that will strengthen and invigorate your music, we would have never gotten here." Namjoon glances at him in frustration. He hates when people beat around the bush, but his respect and humility won't allow him to speak out against his senior.

"It's the same with her."

Bang Sihyuk reaches out and taps on the window before letting out a soft chuckle.

"Did you know that glass is so easily broken? That is, when it's on its own. But when you fortify it, when you strengthen it with multiple pieces, then it becomes indestructible." Turning around to face Namjoon, he smiles.

"Almost Bulletproof."

Biting his bottom lip, Namjoon remains silent as he watches BangPD walk to his desk and sit down. He raises his brow when Namjoon remains standing, but when it's clear that he has no intention to make himself at home, he merely sighs.

"She auditioned before, you know. For the BE:LIFT project, for Source Music, she even auditioned for Plus Global." Namjoon balks at that. This is new information to him. He knew that it was her dream to be a singer, but never did he know that she wanted to be an idol. Especially since she's a foreigner, that would be near to impossible. "I didn't accept her."

"Why?"

"I didn't want to share her."

At the explanation, Namjoon turns away, running his hand across his face in frustration. This is much more complicated than he thought. Somehow, she's been connected to the company for the longest time. Not just through Jaejin, not through him himself, not even through Jungkook or Taehyung. Before any of them had a chance to see her potential, she's been on the mind of their former CEO since she auditioned 5 years ago. For a program, she would never be able to succeed in.

"I have been planning this for a while, Namjoon."

He's unwilling to accept it, he can't accept it.

"She's the missing piece."

-

At the thought, his hand clenches subconsciously around yours.

He can't stand the thought of you disappearing far from his reach.

And yet, almost against his will, he finds himself bringing you to the very fate that will keep you from him.

Perhaps forever.

He pauses when the door comes into his line of vision. Almost as though he were afraid of what lies behind that very same door. Mrs. Kwon looks up from her desk as the two of you enter the small lobby, and presses a button on her phone before muttering incomprehensible words to a person on the other line.

Out of breath, you place your hand on your chest before looking up at him. At the sight of his set jaw, and stony eyes, you can't help but feel a bit worried.

What exactly happened to make him look that way?

Once more, you open your mouth to speak to him, but Mrs. Kwon interrupts and you look at her in surprise, not noticing she was there.

"You may go in."

Confused, you turn to Namjoon, but all he does is give a nod to the secretary before stepping towards a massive oak door. Curious, you peer around him to glance at it, not quite aware of your surroundings. There's a small plaque on the door, one that reads the name of the person residing within in perfect neat letters.

방시혁

Bang Sihyuk.

Your heart stopping in your chest, you freeze halfway to the door, your hand slipping out of Namjoon's.

"Namjoon, why are we here?" you try to keep the fear, the anxiety, the worry out of your voice, but the efforts are futile. He swallows hard, steadying himself before turning to you, his warm eyes soft and apologetic.

"He wanted to meet you."

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: you can probably guess what will happen next, but nonetheless i'm exciiiited

chapter 27 here

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[takadasaiko]

Love Me Twice: Chapter Ten

FFN II AO3

Summary: Liz re-introduces Tom to her team and Red and Cooper discuss where it's all heading.

Chapter Ten

When Liz had said that her team was a good resource for intel and backup, Jacob had assumed that had meant for her. He could take leads that she passed along and run them down in ways that a federal agent couldn't. He hadn't expected her to walk him into where she worked to speak to her team directly. At a federal black site. Below ground level with limited escape options. None of this was setting well, but she brushed off every argument that he made.

"They know you."

Jacob bristled at that even as he followed her into the lift that would take them down to what she called the War Room. "But I don't know them."

"You don't remember them. There's a difference." The doors squealed closed and she turned towards him. "I'm not going to let anybody hurt you."

"You know my line of work isn't exactly legal," he pointed out.

"They're not going to arrest you either. They know about St Regis."

Jacob turned to stare at her. "You told them?" he demanded.

"I think Reddington did? It just sort of became common knowledge in our circle after you got out and after… well once you and I figured things out."

The doors opened and Jacob fought the urge to run. What good would it do? He was stuck in a black site with a bunch of federal agents that knew he was a covert operative. Despite Liz's optimism, he had no idea how this could end well.

One of those agents looked up from his desk, eyes focused on Liz and started for them, talking the whole way. "Agent Keen! What's the news you couldn't share over… the… Holy crap. Tom?"

"Hey, Aram. Surprise," Liz offered with a struggling smile.

The other agent - Aram - stood there gaping. "How? When? Why didn't you…. you know what. It doesn't matter." Without warning he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Jacob's neck. "You're alive."

Jacob jerked backward at the sudden contact, stiff and ready for a fight. It took a moment for his mind to process that Aram had hugged him. Why a fed was hugging him, he had no idea. All he knew was that he had no interest feeling any more contained than he already was in this place.

"He doesn't remember," Liz explained as Aram startled back, pulling his attention around.

"Doesn't remember… what?"

Liz pursed her lips together thoughtfully, gaze shifting towards the main part of the room. "Let's talk in Cooper's office."

It was surreal as Liz made introductions that her team didn't need. While he only recognized them from the file Tremblay had given him, they knew him. What's more, Aram wasn't the only one that seemed happy to see him. Cooper - an assistant director of the FBI - greeted him with a warm handshake and a promise to both of them to help get to the bottom of all of this. Ressler - one of Liz's partners and the one that had been with her the longest - was more awkward, but managed a quiet "welcome back." The only one without much to say was Park, but as far as Jacob had seen she'd joined the Task Force after his supposed death. She looked as confused by the whole interaction as he felt.

"Have you told Reddington?" Cooper asked, and there was something layered beneath the face value of the question.

"No," Liz murmured, "and for now, I'd like to keep this between us."

"I thought you trusted him," Park popped off.

"It's complicated. He and…. the woman I believed was my mother are locked in some sort of war, and until we find out why, I think my circle of trust extends to the people in this room."

Ressler turned to look at her. "Believed to be? What did I miss?"

"Tom's… employer hired him to protect me and he ran a DNA test on her. It was secure. She matched to Katarina Rostova, but there was no parental match with me."

A quiet settled over the group as they digested the new information before Cooper's gaze landed on Jacob. "The person that hired you must have known who you are."

Jacob pulled in a breath, steadying himself to open up to the feds. "Looks that way. All I have is an alias: Brigitte Tremblay. She's gone dark, though, soon as Liz and I ran across each other. She hadn't returned any of the calls."

"I can trace the number," Aram offered. "Might give us something."

"It's a place to start," Cooper agreed. "Aram, work with Tom to get any information he has that might get us a lead on Brigitte Tremblay. If she's slipped up in any way, I want you to use it to ID her. Ressler, Park, catch Keen up on what we uncovered on The Collector."

Jacob watched as Liz perked up at that. The name obviously meant something to her. "You found something with him?"

Park flashed her a grin. "More than something. It's good."

"Let's go." Liz started out the door, but paused, turning towards Jacob. He must have looked like a deer in the headlights for the way her expression softened and she reached out, her touch against his arm gentle. "I trust them. You can too. I promise."

"I've never known cops to have my back," he confessed softly. "Especially feds."

"Well this fed saved your life a few years ago and you still owe him a favour," Ressler chuckled, halfway out the door. "Don't think I'm not calling it in sooner or later now that you're back."

Liz smiled and let her hand drop. It brushed Jacob's and he felt a shiver pass through him. His fingers started to close, holding her hand there, but in the last second he stopped. She didn't, though, and her fingers closed around his, giving a reassuring squeeze and held his gaze.

"I trust you," he whispered and her lips quirked up.

"Don't let Aram get sidetracked with Doctor Who." One more quick squeeze and she was gone, following her partners out the door and down the stairs.

Jacob turned to Aram. "Like the British scifi show?"

"We totally marathoned the Fourth Doctor one time when we were waiting on some intel to come in a few years ago. There was the one where K-9…" He grinned sheepishly past Jacob at his boss. "Right… We can, uh, cover that some time when we're not trying to find the mystery woman that knows where you've been the last two and a half years. Of course. Just, uh… follow me. We'll get started."

Jacob nodded numbly, not bothering to correct him. He knew where he'd been the last two and a half years. It was the previous ten he was worried about.

                                                    ----------------

"Before we get started," Park said as she paused at her work station, turning to look directly at Liz, "did you know? Because last I heard your husband had been brutally stabbed to death in a home invasion that turned out to be Federal Marshall after some secret of Reddington's. Didn't Cooper ID him?"

Liz did her best to push down the instinctive desire to go on the defensive at Park's tone. "I found out the night before last. He's been… trying to come to terms with the fact that he was married… had a family and a life that he doesn't even remember."

"Sounds rough."

"It has been. And yes, Cooper ID'd him."

"Not just that, but we all saw him flatline," Ressler pointed out. "Hell of an accomplishment to fake all of that."

"It is, but we've seen doubles before. Sinclair manages it pretty convincingly. Tom told me about a Russian-based program he came across during his time with Halcyon that surgically altered people to look like their targets. It does happen."

She didn't like the look Ressler gave her, almost like he thought she was stretching it.

"Yeah, but who would have those kinds of connections and resources to put it together so fast?" Park asked, shaking her head.

That, Liz had an answer to. One that had been battering around inside her mind since she saw Tom hanging in Katarina Rostova's warehouse, but she hadn't dared to admit out loud yet. "Scottie Hargrave."

Ressler blinked at that. "Tom's mom? Why would she?"

Liz risked a glance over to make sure Tom was distracted with Aram. "She has means and motive."

Ressler didn't look convinced. "Motive for faking his death?"

"If she thought it kept him safe, yeah. I could see it. She thrives on control and there was something…. strangely resolved when she took Agnes a coupe of years ago. She said she'd already mourned him once. I didn't… catch it then, but it was weird."

"That's screwed up," Park managed and Ressler snorted.

"Welcome to the Keen family drama."

Liz shook her head, unable to deny the statement. "Tell me what you guys found on the Collector."

Park lit up at that. "Michael Kowlaski was actually Viktor Petrov. While his paperwork says that he was American-born to Polish immigrants, the identity for Michael Kowlaski was farmed. All the paperwork, the credit history, everything was manufactured."

"Like a shelf company for a person," Liz murmured and Park nodded.

"Exactly like that."

"How did we get to the name Petrov?"

"Aram worked through the night going through photos linked to the Kowlaski ID," Ressler explained. "Cooper recognized one and was able to confirm that it was actually Victor Petrov, a KGB officer known for his intelligence work. Everything started to fall into place."

Liz leaned back against Park's desk. "Okay, so we've got the who and the why -"

"You mentioned that in the debrief," Park said. "The Sikorsky Archive. Petrov's last words. Do you know what it means?"

"All I know is what I've been told. It's a blackmail file that the woman that posed as my mother says she's being blamed for stealing and that she thinks Reddington knows who really has it."

"So another dead end?"

"No… maybe not. I had a PI follow Ilya Koslov -"

"Not Reddington, by the way," Ressler offered and Liz tried to ignore Park's confused look.

"- and she found that Koslov was obsessed with the Archive."

"So he's our next best lead?" Park asked, shaking the confusion from her expression.

"Seems to be." Liz closed her eyes, working through the pieces of the puzzle that made up this case. It was huge. Expansive. Pieces looked like they'd fit and then were part of a completely different puzzle altogether. This, though… she thought they were onto something with this. "The Collector always has two demands: a new secret to carry on and a favour. I know we recovered a jumpdrive on him. Has Aram cracked that yet?"

Ressler shook his head. "He's still working on it, but I think that's what had him here all night. His program's cracked pieces."

"It's German… Something about Bonn, but other than that, we don't know yet," Park agreed.

Liz risked another glance over to Aram and Tom, the tech genius looking like he was in the middle of a long-winded explanation of something that probably could have been said a fraction of the words he was using. Tom, to his credit, was patiently nodding along that he was following. The two had always gotten along well, so it was good to see that even with his missing memories Tom was able and willing to listen through.

"Then I say we focus on Ilya," Liz finally said.

Ressler quirked a ginger eyebrow. "Hasn't he gone into hiding?"

"We'll find him," Liz answered confidently. "We have to."

Park shifted where she was. "If Rostova isn't your mother and Reddington isn't… whatever the latest thing you thought he was… why?"

Liz pursed her lips, working through each word as she let them fall. "Because Reddington used us to get to here. He used us to get to The Collector to kill him. He tried to steer me away from this woman, but he never gave me a clear reason why. He uses us, and just once, I'd like to have more pieces of the puzzle than he does."

There was a moment of silence between the three partners before Ressler nodded. "Okay. Let's find Koslov."

"Uh, guys?" Aram called over. "Mr Cooper just called down. Mr Reddington is supposed to be coming by with intel on The Collector. I know you said…"

"Guess that's my queue to leave," Tom said and his gaze shifted around to Liz. "How about this: give me a lead to track down on this Koslov guy and I'll start in on the groundwork."

"Tom…"

He gave her a small, lopsided smile. "I promise I'll come back. Here, gimme your phone?" He reached a hand out and she held it out to him. He punched in a number. "Saved just above the pizza delivery guy."

Liz found herself echoing the smile. "Good. Let's get you out of here."

                                                   ----------------

They walked a thin line with Reddington. That wasn't new, and for the most part Cooper had reconciled himself to it. There was give and take. He gave them terrible people that needed to be taken off the streets and that they wouldn't have had access to without him. In return, he took what he wanted. Sometimes it was a piece of information or access, and then sometimes the price was higher. Sometimes he used them in ways that Cooper found very difficult to see as anything but a betrayal to the very woman that Reddington had surrendered himself for. His actions had forced her into more compromising positions, put people she loved at risk, and consistently left her in the dark on issues that directly affected her without even a hope that he'd reveal the answers to her someday.

Despite all Reddington had done - and for every veiled motive, every secret he had kept about Elizabeth's past, he had quite literally saved her life and career time and time again - Cooper couldn't blame Elizabeth for not wanting to offer up the fact that Tom was alive. Reddington's secrets had, they had thought, cost her husband his life two and a half years before. He was alive, but far from whole, and her wish to protect him from the chaos that Reddington brought into her life was understandable. It was the reason that Cooper had given them a good headstart before calling Reddington into the Post Office.

Reddington didn't like being summoned, that much was clear. He helped them at his leisure and on his terms, despite the fact that, theoretically, he worked for them, but that afternoon Cooper had no patience for his antics. He'd used them to lure a Blacklister out and, when Cooper had refused to hand him over blindly, Reddington had had him shot down in the street.

It was nearly time for Cooper to pack it up and call it a night when Reddington finally strolled into the Post Office with a reminder that he's not at the FBI's beck and call, even though his immunity agreement did have some wording that leaned heavily in that direction. He continued on and on, casually taking a seat across from Cooper with his hat in his hand and Dembe lingering at the door. Cooper lost track of exactly what the point of the story was, but it had something to do with a woman from Beijing that he'd met while smuggling political refugees out of the country. By the time the story wound down, Cooper had already had to send Charlene an apologetic text and a promise to pick up dinner of her choosing on his way home.

"I'm sorry, Harold, was there a reason you called me in when I should be at Marcel's having the most exquisite Lobster Timbale that I've ever tasted?"

"Victor Petrov," Cooper said simply, not bothering to point out that if Reddington had come when he'd called that he could have been out long before his reservations.

"Ah," their often complicated CI managed. "You've put a name to the legend."

"I'm not going to waste both our times asking you exactly what you thought you'd keep Elizabeth from finding out about her mother," he stated firmly, "but I do need to know what Petrov was trying to move through Mr Krause. Aram's working on the encryption, but so far we've only gotten pieces. You said that Petrov was connected to the Cabal."

"He was," Reddington answered, his voice serious now.

"I'm not a fool. We may have decimated their stronghold in the United States, but my guess is that they have a further reach. You handed us this Blacklister and so far, without details of what was being transferred, we've gotten nothing from it other than a dead former KGB operative and another dead end." He paused, taking a risk. "Does Bonn mean anything to you?"

"Is that Krause's final destination?"

"We believe so."

Reddington tilted his head to the side and Cooper straightened his spine. He was already asking for less than they'd been promised on this. Finally, the other man relented. "I already suspected that Petrov had re-aligned himself with his old allies in the Cabal. If he's orchestrating deliveries to Bonn, then it's not just a smaller faction he's trying to reach out to."

"How many factions are you aware of?"

Reddington sighed, and for a moment Cooper thought he was going to try to slip around this. Apparently it wasn't worth the effort. "Originally? Many, but there were key players housed in the United States, Russia, China, and two in Germany: one for the East and another for the West."

"So Petrov was trying to make contact with one of the factions in Germany?"

"There's only one left. With the fall of communism in Germany, the Cabal lost its foothold in Berlin. Bonn is all that's left, but Harold -" he caught Cooper's gaze and held it, and in that moment his voice was deadly serious - "if this is more than an attempt to make contact, if the faction in Bonn is using someone like Petrov to move information Stateside, this is bigger than either of us could have assumed."

"Perhaps you shouldn't have killed the man with the answers then."

"What's done is done. Aram mustcrack that encryption and he must do so quickly."

"Or what?"

"If we wait to find out, it will already be too late."

                                                   ----------------

TBC

Notes: ** insert dramatic music here **  

I feel bad for poor Tom right now. Everybody in this story knows more than him and he's just not okay with that.

Next Time: When Tom's search for Ilya continues to run into dead ends, Liz takes matters into her own hands.

[mkschnoe]

When I Thought I Wasn’t Good Enough

When I think of you I am not taken to the memories where I fell in love with you, I am not taken there – I am taken to the bedroom where I stood in front of our bed, your bed. I hated the sheets, I wanted more color, I wanted more throw pillows, but you wanted white and black. I am standing over the bed you laid in with the mother of your child. Where you loved, where you held your daughter together, where you had sex, where you woke up together. Its been cleaned and replaced with another person. I am standing in what we called our house, In front of my bed, eyes full of tears. I cry, and I tell my fiance that he can sleep with other woman... if only I can have the man I fell in love with, back. If I can have that person back, feel him, touch his lips again, hear his voice say “honey” after the I love you that I waited to hear every time. I dismissed the whole point of the sentence “ I love you “ it was mute to me, It only mattered if I heard honey for some reason. It spoke something different to me, restless, barley awake, id touch his chest and say I love you to hear honey once more. In those moments, that was all the reassurance I needed. We were okay.

Every night we gathered together in our save place, bed. We forget about our problems long enough to sleep one more night together – In hopes when we wake, I'll have him back. These problems couldn't really exist, right?

Until we woke and life became a reality when we had to go about our daily life.

I watched him every morning, and despite our differences, he'd lift his restless body out of bed – as bad as he wanted to stay tucked in where he was safe. He got up, turned the light on, and would sit there next to me frustrated that he can never find matching socks.

He would go into the kitchen and put the shirt I ironed the night before on, I'd yell to remind him to not forget his lunch. I'd lay there waiting - waiting for him to kiss my forehead before he left … when he didn't, I knew we weren't okay. Every morning I laid in bed waiting to see if he remembered I was here, that I needed that kiss. How petty of me to need something so simple to fall back asleep. Does he know?

Does he know I wake up every morning thinking of him? Thinking what I can do to make his life easier. So, I do the only thing I know what to do naturally – I clean the house, I do the laundry, fold it, and stand in front of his side trying to remember where he likes his shirts exactly. I clean the floors because he hates to have crunchies in bed. I light a candle. I have dinner ready when he gets home. We lay there on the couch and I ask to massage his feet. Feet are gross, and there was something about massaging his feet that literally made me happy. To touch any part of his body, to ease any amount of stress I can. We'd get in bed and I would crawl into my spot under his arm, I'd kiss him, and nearly every night we ever had together – I would place my hand on his chest, gather my breathing to get in tune with his. I'd say a prayer to myself that God/Universe will take the anxiety away, to surround him with goodness, light, and maybe give me some so he can have less of it.

How can I love a human this much and I am still not good enough. Am I loving him wrong, what do I need to do to change things about me? So I pay close attention to the girls he talks to... the girls he doesn't know I know about. Okay... so I need to look more like them? I'll never be white, I can't have blonde hair, and I can't be 100lbs.

I begin to look at myself in such disgust, maybe I need to be tinier to fit into his expectations.

Now I am in my own skin scared shitless to be naked in front of him because I don't look good enough. I am the same me the day we met to the moment we share right now.

I can't take it anymore so I create a fight any chance I get to get reassurance that I am good enough. If I try to leave, he'll fight for me, and I will know, right? How can he not see what I am doing, why can he not see me hurting, why can he not see me so desperate to have him WANT me. Does he want anymore, or am I just convenient. I am so unsure of anything right now – our relationship is going downhill.. we fight to make up, and I lay there at night mad at myself that I caused a fight that we worked thru, but it's another reason he won't want me tomorrow. Right now is okay, so I will take it and hate myself tomorrow. I am in bed with him, no other girl has stolen him from me. I've won one more night. What will tomorrow hold?

We have good days, and bad days to follow. I am losing pieces of myself along this journey and I am not aware of it yet. I am scooping to levels I never would of done before to have a man love me, to feel wanted, and be as important that he is to me.

I am taken back to a memory one day as I look out the window. I am eleven years old – my brothers and sister sit next to me laughing as we sit in the car with our foster parents. I am not aware of what they're laughing about. I am looking at the green grass pass so quickly and I am left there thinking about my sibling's father sexually abusing me. We are on our way to get ice cream, why am I thinking about this? It's all I ever think about. How do I get this out of my head, will I ever?

Am I programmed to love men that hurt me. I often wonder why I didn't leave when he told me I wasn't going to be good enough one day. Did I stick around to prove a point to myself or to him that I am worthy enough to be treated well with love, respect, goodness, and more than a body to use. How did I get this far from myself. I yell inside, NO! You are better than this Mariah – walk away! Instead, I sit there on the bayou wall, head down, eyes full of tears asking myself what I did to make him not want me anymore. I sit there silently as he tells me one day he will get tired of having sex with just me, he will need another woman. I say nothing, standing over me, he gestures his hand down to lift me off the ground, and we walk away like he just didn't break a million pieces in me that took a very long time to rebuild from my childhood.

The cycle begins – we break up, we sleep with other people, we get back together. We find out about these other people and the insecurity has taken over even more. Now I want him to feel how I do – that is where I fucked up. I wanted him to feel something he most likely already felt deep down, but that wasn't good enough for me. I was in need of attention, regardless of who it came from so maybe he would want me back. What have I done... I don't look at any other human the way I look at him, why? I try so hard, I want so badly to look at another man the way I do him just so maybe I can start over.

Why am I not good enough. I’d rather live a lifetime without knowing love than love him as bad as I do in this moment.

[anglz0ne]

I saw you today at the scholarship program you were alone wearing all black,you were still the same but now you're taller than me we used to have the same height,you're still cute and handsome..At first I didn't notice you but then my cousin S saw your sister walk by I looked around and then I saw you sitting behind us and then I told my cousin S who is going at the same school as you that you were wearing a id that has your school name,I then prentended that I didn't know it was you but then she said that she know you and said your name I still continue to pretend and told her "Your classmate?" Herclassmate that has the same name as your's but then she said "No" and then said your name I then pretended to be shocked..I can't help but look at you while the program was ongoing i don't know if you noticed me..You were just alone because your sister's had to sit in a different place,you were just looking at your phone until the program started..You were so cute when we were watching that shortfilm..I had to go down because we were told to change sit's I thought that we would sit far from each other but I was wrong..You even walked infront of me and sat behind us again but this time you were closer to me..I wanted to look at you but I was scared you would caught me,you were so close to me..So I just talked to my cousin S to distract myself,but now I'm kind of regretting that I didn't look at you..And after I got my scholarship we went through the backstage,at first I told my cousin S and AS that we should wait inside for my other cousin AK but then I saw him go out the exit,so I suggested to them that we should wait outside cause there's a lot of people at the backstage,at first they were hesitant but after some time they agreed,but the time we went out you weren't there I was looking for you but I thought you already head home..But then I saw one of you're sister I heard her mention your name and she was looking for you..After some time my cousin AK already finished getting her scholarship so we were about to head home I was still looking for you but I didn't see you..But we stopped to take some pictures and then I saw you talking with your sister's and as the same time you were walking through our direction we also finished talking pictures and we crossed paths again,my mom and your sister recognize and wave to each other and then your sister pointed at me and you looked at me but..you didn't even said hi or even waved you just kept walking..Somehow I feel happy and sad at the same time and I can't seem to stop thinking about you.......

[antiterf]

I can go through my life story (I kind of do anyway oops) but basically the line between being transgender and disabled is blurred for me. It's not that I see them as the same, but the feeling of being inhuman isn't something that can be sorted into either.

I want to emphasize that this is a personal thing that shouldn't be generalized to every single trans person or every single disabled person. Everyone experiences both of those identities in incredibly different ways. I'm sharing mine because I feel like I don't see people talk about intersectionality in this way, that's it.

I also attribute this blurred line to gender dysphoria, which I already have nuanced thoughts of the medicalization of the trans community and don't think you need dysphoria to be trans. Despite that, it is still a core part of my experience. Even if that experience is fairly stereotypical when appealing to a cisgender audience.

(Long post starts here)

It is so hard to start talking about this without making a timeline of my entire life since basically preschool. As a kid I had bad social anxiety that I later learned was dysphoria along with ADHD that was undiagnosed until I was 7. I loved animals way more than human beings like a lot of ND kids. Cross out a long explanation and basically I was the alone kid at recess that wasn't upset but just bored and talked to myself. I didn't think the problem was me, humans just kind of suck.

Then puberty hits, this is not in order

I made alien characters who were trying to escape being controlled and altered by humans to have someone to relate to. Yeah.

A friend I made showed me that trans people exist and I realize I'm not the only one who feels my gender is off. I don't know what a transgender is at the same time, don't remember the ID they gave me, but know I'm definitely not a girl. My current name of Haven comes in here and so do the they/them pronouns I use along with he/him now.

When talking about what trans people basically are, that same friend mentions that some need surgery to change their sex to actually be happy. I resonated heavily with this upon hearing it, and I'm disgusted with myself. The second I get home I close myself off in the bathroom and cry about how I'm a freak. The feeling doesn't go away for a long time.

I grew up Lutheran. I believe heavily in God, and went to multiple Church retreats, but now I'm a lesbian (which I believed was a woman who liked only women and wanted to be a man because I have ADHD and definitions are hard) and the Westboro Baptist Church along with a lot of other Christains believe that I'm going to hell. I'm 14, already suicidal, and in the incredible amount of pain that comes from ripping a community you loved and a God you placed your heart in, I get to be very, very, anti christainity.

The habit of relating to demons much more comes into play.

I'm put in a all day program for self injury and continue to be unable to relate to most of the people there. We can all imagine that this didn't help.

I'm also ignored by staff when I mention I hate my name and want a penis while in therapy. The one person I related to is the one that felt the same.

The belief that my mental health is just due to puberty can no longer hold up like it did when I was 12. And oh boy, are my parents, psychiatrist, and therapist struggling to find out what the Fuck is going on. My mom legit told me that she didn't understand what was going on, and I don't think people realize how comforting that is when you're used to everyone saying they understand before telling you something you don't relate to.

All of those same people don't listen to me at all by the way. When you're suicidal, you're too irrational to think for yourself. You have no control over your life. It's held over every decision you make. I said the same thing back then, and the people around me told me that was my depression speaking. Well I'm "sane" now, and it wasn't. I don't blame myself for hating everyone around me.

Anyone see a pattern with the people who say that being transgender is a mental illness? I do.

Couple this with anger issues encouraged by abuse (my abuser targeted you if you showed emotion other than anger). And you have a monster. I was a monster.

After coming out and still struggling with all of this but recovering, I still know that my peers probably don't think well of me. I came out to my school when I was 16 basically, after my parents helped me to change my name in the school system.

I'm 17, I (emotional support alien I mentioned earlier) tell myself I'm human like everyone else, I begin to sob in relief but barely believe myself.

Because when was I ever human?

Today I say and believe I'm human, but more because I feel like I need to remind others. My body is different, I am different, I think differently, I am still human along with everyone else. And even if I spent most of my life thinking other humans fucking suck, I'm confident in saying that I love humans now.

And so with all that said, disability and being trans for me regarding how I feel inhuman can't be separated. There's not a start or end to one or the other throughout basically my entire life.

The fact that both disability and being transgender combined to where my perception of self was something inhuman says something.

And while I want to analyze what it says, my break is about to end and I don't really know how to.

The dissociation played a role in itself, but so did the actual stigma that came from both places. How your body and brain are abnormalities, different from what's supposed to be human.