#and i can't find a roommate because i keep creeping everyone out

[zrpants]

i feel like there is something deeply wrong with me and it's so pervasive and i keep saying "i don't know what to do about it" like it's an excuse but certainly it's fixable, i need to get out of my own head and see it and put the work to do it, but also i wish someone from an outside view could tell me what it was and how to be better

[thatdehydratedmedic]

A new beginning

It's September. After many rough winds, the dust has settled. June, July and August brought with them uncertainty, but here I am now. I am now in Malaysia. There's only a few days left before registration. Although I'm scared, I'm also relieved. So much has been done and I am one step closer to my goal.

During my first week here, my dad stayed with me in Malaysia at a separate hotel. He helped shop for necessities and I helped him pick out gifts for the rest of our family. It was quite the hassle. I remember people telling me that moving to Malaysia would be easy because everyone speaks English. I've found this to be a lie. Most people, in fact, do not speak English. In this era though, it is not a boundary we cannot cross. Google translate came in handy. I remember hosting a Japanese kid at out place before. This was ages ago, before the age of Google Translate. She could not speak English and relied on a tablet-sized device for her translations. It was not easy.

The most difficult part so far has been adjusting to how quiet the place is in general. Since I'm staying at a 2 room apartment and my roommate has still not moved in, its so so so quiet. It gives me the creeps. That's why I've come downstairs to the lobby to write. There is absolutely no way I could stay in my room any longer before I go insane.

I also find that the food here is very different. With all due respect to Malaysian culture, I have found that the food is pretty oily and the taste profile is worlds apart from what I'm used to. There is a sharp, almost citrus-y note in almost everything. Although I imagine someone else might enjoy it, I can't say I do. I miss the plain rice, garudhiya and curry. Even more than that, I miss the mas'huni and roshi.

I've written a lot about how things have been in Malaysia. But I also want to talk about how work was back in Maldives. I met so many patients who made me want to keep pursuing medicine. While there were definitely instances where patients behaved aggressively towards me, I can't blame them or even bring myself to be upset at them. Their pain and frustration was the result of a bigger issue with the healthcare industry as whole. Moments of helplessness gave me increased motivation.

Of course there was also the times where I could be helpful. Moments like these were much more common and naturally, I remember them a lot more fondly. My favorite interaction with a patient was when they requested me to translate for them on their second visit after being satisfied with my service on their first. They had come back after about 4 months. When they first took my name on a small piece of paper I did not think much of it, but I realized how much I had impacted them when they asked for me after so many months. It was a greater joy to see that they were doing much better than before.

During my time working, I met many great doctors as well. Among them, some more than others. In this regard the neurosurgeon was exceptional. He was an example of kindness, patience and diligence. I had gone into work thinking I would like to become a doctor who did not have to spend so much time in the hospital. I thought I would prefer to be someone with a good work-llife balance. After working with the said doctor though, I changed my mind. I believed I would much prefer the busy life.

That's all I have to say for now. That and that I cannot wait for uni to start. I am so excited to make anki cards and revise them. Watch me take those words back when school actually begins. I also need to note I am no longer sleep deprived. I am still dehydrated though, perhaps more than before. See you next time!

[sarandipitywrites]

week 3 of spooky stories, enjoy! cw for implied past domestic abuse

I have always been here. If there is a world beyond these thin walls, this quiet cul-de-sac, I care not to know it.

You come from the outside, like the others. You come with your big white van and your little lime-green car. You tear open my blinds, fill my dark rooms with dazzling, disorienting light. Men in crisp uniforms carry in the furniture while you unload brown cardboard boxes. They don't relax. They keep their eyes open, jump at every creak and draft.

They are clever — cleverer, it seems, than you.

Most people bring their own furniture into my house, but not you. You bring new things into an old space, tarnish my wooden floors with the plastic cover from your mattress. You fill my emptiness with screwed-together particle board.

You think you are making a new life here.

You are but a footnote in this house's history.

I am patient. I watch, and I wait.

When the crisp-shirted men are leaving, I slam the door between them. The one still inside panics, until you show him that I have not locked the door.

You find it funny. An old house doing old house things, you tell the man.

He laughs and agrees, but the fear does not leave his eyes.

I give you one night's rest. It is a courtesy I extend to every intruder. It is the only courtesy I offer.

Because this is my house, and you are not welcome here.

You've been able to explain it. That has been my problem. Slamming doors, chilling drafts. The problems of an old house. Even when your wardrobe fell, you remarked that the floorboards must be crooked. Another task on your interminable list.

Not today.

A death is a messy thing. Inconvenient. I didn't always know this. It hadn't occurred to me by the time the man in the three-piece suit moved in. Nor when I hurled his own saber through his chest. I gave it not a thought until his family came. Until they started piling the kindling at my feet.

A haunted house, people will abide. But a demon house?

I can't kill you. I need a more delicate touch than that.

It takes hours — hours of watching, waiting — before you move from your seat at the table.  I have been holding it up through sheer will. I am nothing if not patient.

The moment you are out of its shadow, I let go.

It is heavier than I anticipated.

The chandelier caves in the center of your cheap dining table, smashes your coffee mug. Its beads of crystal droplets scatter like rain, splinter into shards of light.

The single lightbulb that survived the crash flickers, dims, and dies.

You cry out. I think I have you, now. But then you creep towards the wreckage, examine the hole I've torn in the ceiling. Finally, you speak.

"You're right," you say to the empty room. "That thing was pretty outdated."

This is impossible. You are impossible. I don't even knock the dustpan from your hands when you begin to sweep up the debris.

What would be the point?

"I didn't just buy this house because it was cheap." You don't look up as you speak. You just keep sweeping up the mess I've made. "I know how you scare everyone away. An exorcist called me, the first night I was here. Do you remember? They said they'd give me a special rate and everything."

That would have been a waste, although I can't deny that exorcists are particularly fun to torment.

"But that's not what I want. This was your house first, right?"

It was. It is.

The beams ease from my shoulders. The floor softens beneath my feet.

This house is mine. Others have bought it, lived in it. But it has always been mine.

No one else has ever understood that.

"I'd like to stay here, as long as you'll have me. I don't mind a roommate who's a little scary."

The broom's bristles swish across the floor.

Perhaps I will not mind you, either.

I am harder to live with than you are.

You are quiet — so quiet, sometimes, that I think you must have left while I was neither here nor there. But then I find you, curled up in your armchair, reading.

You tell me things — how you can't fall asleep without a light on, how you used to love long walks in the rain. I can't share such secrets with you. All I can do is rattle my shutters and draw long, wailing gusts through the chimney.  I can't tell you how I can't stand the smell of onions; I can only steal them from your cutting board and throw them at the walls.

You've stopped buying onions. I can't tell you that I appreciate it.

Until the day you come back with the cards.

You lay them on the table. They're for people who can't or don't speak, you tell me. They're hard to move — they're larger than playing cards, but still small and thin — but it's easier if you spread them out on the table first. It's easier if I just have to push the ones I want out of place.

I push the card for 'thank you,' and you smile.

We have projects, now.

The house is in disrepair. You spend many nights on your computer, looking up videos on how to fix it — the broken baseboards, the light that dims when you turn on the dishwasher, the shower knob with a centimeter's space between freezing and scalding. I think I cannot be helpful — I only slam doors, I do not re-hang them — but you find a way. You bring paint chips back home, and I help pick the color for the living room. I'm too clumsy to help you paint, but I can hold the paint can at the perfect height for you.

The house brightens and breathes new life.

Until you come back with the spackle for the new bathroom tiles. You greet me with a smile, but your skin is pale. Your hands shake.

I have seen that look many times, on many faces. For the first time, I want it to stop.

I spread my cards on the table and you, dutifully, follow.

"You upset?" Two cards.

"No! No, I'm..." You look down at my cards and bite your lip. "Okay, yeah, I am. It's not a big deal. Just... ran into someone I'd rather not." Then you tell me you're fine, even though your smile is dull and cracked, and tell me you want to finish the tiling today.

So we do.

When you're quiet at dinner, staring into your uneaten pasta, I steal the oranges from the fruit bowl and juggle them over your head.

You laugh, and call me a menace.

I notice the gun you bring home the next day, buried in your shopping bag under the wine and the birthday cake Oreos. I don't say anything, and neither do you.

We read before bed. I never told you that I can't read the tiny print, not like the large, colorful word cards, but you seem to know anyway. You always read out loud. You'll read anything (as long as the dog doesn't die at the end), but you like romantic comedies best. I like them best, too. I like the sound of your laughter, your strangled giggles and snorts as you try to push through, try to keep reading so that I'm not left in the dark.

Tonight, your voice starts strong but fades. You try to keep going, in jolts and murmurs, until your words give way to deep, steady breathing. The book falls to your chest, your head to the side.

It was a long day. Reading in bed was probably not your best idea.

I move your book to the bedside table — I have gotten better at moving such delicate things — and take the reading glasses from your face. You rolled over and crushed them, once, and we couldn't read for days, so I am careful as I set them atop our book. I shut the light and I wait. I used to go the Other Place at night, when the house fell quiet. I prefer to stay here, now. I prefer to breathe with you.

Outside, a car rumbles down the road. This is not strange; cars get lost, and use our street to find themselves.

But this car parks.

Its door slams.

And I wonder.

Through the pane, I see him leaning against the car. He pushes away, staggers towards the house.

By the third pound on the door, you are awake. You slip out of the bed and tiptoe to the window, peer through the curtain.

Your heart stutters, stops, starts again.

He starts to yell. He calls a name — your name — through the door. He knows you're here. He's found out where you've gone.

He's sorry. Things will never be that way again.

Come home, he says.

Come home.

Tears well in your eyes, crystalline terror. You don't want to go with him, you whisper to the air, to me. You don't want anything to do with him, ever again.

My frame and boards rattle and shudder. He's kicking the door now. He is no longer pleading. He'll have you, even if he has to drag you home. He'll have you, even if he has to burn this whole fucking house down.

The door is old and splintered. The paint has chipped away under his loafer.

We haven't replaced it yet. It will not hold.

I pull the gun from beneath the bed — I wish I could have pretended with you forever — and I press it into your hand. You choke on a sob, but you nod.

The sole of his shoe bursts through the door, beneath the handle. Soft leather, scuffed and torn and ruined. His hand follows, sleeve snagging on splintered wood as he fumbles for the handle.

I open the drawers and I gather it all — forks and knives, skewers and pokers, the fire extinguisher and the bent chandelier you never took to the junk yard, but not the books. You love the books.

I gather them all. They swirl in the living room, a cyclone of sharpness and rage.

The handle turns.

The door creaks open.

This is what I was meant for.

This is our house, and he is not welcome here.

[autisticlee]

almost every time I have met online friends irl, they stop talking to me either immediately after or very soon after, usually after increasingly acting weird or distant towards me. it makes me feel awful. and then i'm afraid to meet anyone irl again.

I feel so silly and stupid that I have a lowkey fear creeping below the surface about going to visit my friend and their gf this summer. what if they end up hating me 🙃 i've thought about mentioning it to my friend, but I don't want to make them feel bad about it!!!!!! it's not their fault I feel this gross fear. they didn't do anything to make it happen. they're super excited and always tell me about it!! i'm the one that is struggling to feel excited because i'm haunted by past experiences that will not stop repeating like i'm stuck in an endless loop of hell!!!!! ��

I try to remind myself that thos friend also

I seem to give off this bad vibe irl that everyone except me notices and it makes people want to avoid me. I don't know what it is or how to fix it but I wish I could!!!! perhaps i'm just simply not likable 🥲 i've had people want to be roommates and act like best friends meet me irl and suddenly start avoiding me until they straight-up ghost me. I don't understand 😔

i'm very willing to work on myself....if I knew wtf was wrong with me!!!!! but I do not!!

I also fear it's something I can't change and it's something that's part of me, so I literally can't do anything unless I mask and become a fake person. but that's so uncomfortable and lonely in itself and feels pointless. what if it's just normal autism traits and people are assholes???? then I have no choice in the matter.

everyone tells me i'll ~find the right ones~ or whatever. befriend other autistic or ND people. but it never matters. they all end up the same in the end!!!!! fellow autistic and adhd people have hurt me MORE than NTs!!! do you know how many times I thought I did find "the right people," made them promise to not do what the last ones did, promise to respect my needs and boundaries, and promise to be honest and talk everything out, but then a little while down the way they do exactly the same shit they promised not to that everyone else did?!

when the same shit keeps happening over and over, at what point does it stop being "other people are the assholes" and become "im obviously the problem" ??????? i'll have people tell me it's not me that's the problem. it's other people. those same people will become "the other people" themselves. so is it REALLY them that's the problem, or am I too goddamn stupid to know what's wrong with me and what i'm doing wrong ?!

sometimes people will put a blame on me but not tell me why it's me. just a broad statement with no details that point fingers at me. "you're gaslighting me" (after opening up to a close friend group about a difficult thing I had just experienced and that was the response one gave and then completely ghosted with no explanation, leading to the whole group abandoning me)

sometimes people will complain about certain things I can't help. "you ruined my whole day!" (some girl telling me this, a few months later after kicking me out of a group. I needed help navigating nyc subway to the bus station because my phone GPS didn't work there and she said it was ok, she'd gladly help me. then yelled at me about it a while later when she got mad about something else, about how I ruined her day that time by making her help me and being a burden 🙃✌️)

sometimes someone will drop out basically mid conversion, get extremely distant, go from replying with novels to one word replies until not responding at all, then suddenly block me a year later after ignoring me. only to come at me with "you stopped caring about me and haven't messaged me in a year" despite our last messages being me saying I miss them, them saying they've been busy (despite having the time to talk to multiple other people and ppat their message screenshots online every day and be online all the time) and me responding telling them to message me when they aren't busy so we can chat again, but never getting a response!!) only for them to admit they muted me and didn't want to talk to me "for no reason" they literally said that to me lmao wtf. how is there "no reason"

sometimes it IS them that's the problem though. like one girl who accused me of liking her and sabotaged our whole friendship based on these baseless delusions she had. sje decided she was going to "choose" to be straight (she's bi) and decided i'm a "man" (I was trans masc and starting my transition at the time, but am actually nonbinary. it was just required to be trans masc where I live to get treatment. nb people aren't allowed) and she decided guys and girls can't ever be "just friends" she even got very upset at me when I told her she's wrong and not even my type and i'm asexual/probably aromantic. she claims I ~knew saying that would hurt her~ because she apparently told me that kind of thing hurts her before. I did not know this, she never told me this. that's also a weird thing to think/say??? saying it upsets you that someone ISNT attracted to you but also being upset and ruining the friendship if they are??? what the fuck lmao. goofy behavior. I thought she'd be delighted to hear she was wrong about that but nope. she wanted to feel good that someone liked her even if it cost the friendship. haha weird 🙃 she also talked shit about me being autistic at one point lol. fellow ND being a ND hater. sue was all kinds of messed up, but at least I knew it was for sure her that was the problem and not me this one time. but she wasted so much of my time and energy that I can't get back.

it's not always clear why people do what they do, and it drives me insane until I can figure it out. most of the time I cannot. so I go on knowing i'll unknowingly fuck everything up yet again. it feels guaranteed.

I just want a stable and comfortable friendship that's close and secure. one I know will last. one where I can relax and enjoy the time with the other person and not have to be hyperaware of every little detail and look out for potential patterns I recognize that every friendship seems to fall into just like the last, that will lead to the same shit. then force me to have to try harder to save the friendship before it gets worse!!!! but trying seems to make it worse somehow. I don't fuckijg know.

I AM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND DONE. i've reached the point where I don't have the energy or willpower to try getting closer with anyone and have to sit here feeling lonely and disconnected from everyone. I don't feel like I have even one single person I can trust or rely on. not one. if I go to anyone, i'll just burden and annoy them. they can say I won't all the want, but that's always a lie. always. last time I trusted a group wo told me that, I got told I was gaslighting them. not told why or how. but apparently losing a thing important to me and confiding in my closest friends about it is "gaslighting" now and is justification to cancel me from our group trip and then not invite me back into the group chat when I switch accounts LOL.

after that shit, I just cannot. I genuinely thought that were "THE ONES" you know, those mythical "the right people" i'm alwaus being told about thar apparently exist. but every time I find them, I am wrong. so I have no fucking clue what to even look for. they seemed so good at first!!!! how do I find better???? and how do I not fuck it up wven thought I can't figure out what the FUCK I did wrong by sharing a very deep, personal, important thing with my closet trusted friends?!

if "the right people" can't even accept me then wtf am I supposed to do??? I feel like I either deserve this, not having friends or anyone to rely on, or I just have to accept that i'll always be alone. maybe I can have little casual surface friendships....but I'll never have anything deeper and closer. i'll never have the type of thing I feel I need that's hard to explain. maybe it's just the trust of knowing something will last and is stable. i've never had that. i've been walking on egg shells my whole life around everyone. and its so uncomfortable and sucks. it makes me feel so goddamn lonely. especially when I see everyone else has their person or people.

and don't get me wrong, i'm fine with being alone by myself. if I lock myself up and don't see or pay attention to others, i'm perfectly fine and don't feel lonely. it's as soon as I see other people being together, and ESPECIALLY when i'm woth other people that I feel this deep and painful sad/loneliness that doesn't go away until i'm away from people for a while again. but even of i'm enjoying my alone time, there's often things I want to do that require others, so I can't do them and it makes me feel bad. my old therapist telling me last time I was avoiding people due to (unknown at the time) autistic burnout, that we are a social species and require interaction with other people, so I NEED to make friends and interact with others always echos in my mind. I wish I DIDNT need others and can lock myself up alone forever. that feel less painful than trying to be with others. seeing and being with others makes me feel awful and alone. being literally alone feels comfortable and not lonely, most of the time. as long as I have a single-person hyperfocus to occupy my entire existence with.

but despite feeling like this, the burnout I hit from losing several important things to me at once about a couple years ago and my friend group ditching me when I needed them most is debilitating and still going strong. I feel like this is my new permanent state of being. I don't have the energy to put any effort into friendhips. if they don't maintain themsleves or the other person doesn't put in most of the effort, I WILL let it die and act like I don't give a fuck (I do, I just don't have the power to stop it). it's all on the other person's shoulders to carry the friendship the way I carried all the ones in my past. it's my turn to be the unresponsive friend who doesn't put in effort and responds with one word. not because I secretly hate the person/friendhipz but because i'm perpetually burnt out and literally can't do much anymore. I just can't.

that doesnt mean I can't keep complaining about how lonely and disconnected I feel!!! just because i'm not trying to fix it doesn't mean my feelings are invalid! "just keep trying" only works for people who have the ability to try. my ability was destroyed and am now unable. I would need a miracle of a person who puts in enough effort and genuinely cares enough about me to nurse me out of burnout hell to the point where I can put full trust and faith into them and call them my best friend.

but I doubt that will happen. I won't believe it until I see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being "positive" and hoping for the best keeps biting me in the ass and makes the fall hurt even more. I do not have the spoons and willpower and energy for that again i'm sorry 😭

wow this was a long ramble. it's taken me 2 hours to write this. I just wrote exactly what my brain was saying and rambled off topic. this was originally supposed to be about how, while I want to be excited to visit my friend and their gf, it's really hard to because all my past experiences make FEAR lurk around every corner.

I expressed an anxiety to my friend about the trip but only said it was about going to the airport and flying for the first time ever. and alone at that. if I tell them about this little hell demon on my shoulder, it may upset them. they're always telling me how they're so excited and I can't ruin that!!!! the more excited they are, the more comfortable/less worried I feel i'm allowed to be about it??? I NEED that energy personally. and I want them to keep that for themsleves as well. especially when it's not that I don't trust THEM. I don't trust myself. I could do any number of things wrong and make a good, fun, exciting trip go bad, or create a bad after-effect that makes it all slowly break down after. my friend expressed even wanting me to move in with them and their gf. be roommates. where have I heard that one before lmao. multiple other times before a seemingly good friendship gets destroyed for unknown reasons 😭

I hate that my brain has to live this way thanks to past traumas. cptsd mixed with autism/adhd is literally hell. but when you basically never know if you're the one fucking everything up accidentally, are afraid to hurt someone important again, don't know what a real/healthy friendhip is meant to look like due to never experiencing one, and don't have the energy to deal with this shit anymore, it's impossible to make your brain chill the fuck out.

there is a chance everything will go well and nothing will change. there is a smaller chance things will even improve. I can only hope, even if I know hoping for things ends up hurting more.

"what's the worst that can happen" i'm always asked, as if the person asking thinks nothing bad can happen. imagine being very far away from home and your trusted best friend you're there with betrays and hurts you for who knows what stupid reason, and you're stranded there, alone and upset, with no one around you who cares or wants to help or comfort you. you're treated like a burden and have no one to turn to. you're trapped and alone, surrounded by strangers in a big scary city. your whole world and everything you knew is falling apart in your hands as you try desperately to patch it badk together, but your once trusted person is purposely pulling out the seams. your supposed-to-be-happy experience is forever tainted and ruined. you get blamed for it all when you're confused and lost as to what even happened! it takes years to put the pieces together and come to a conclusion about what and why it happened. but that experience left deep scars that affect everything that comes after.

I don't want want that to happen again lmao. I cant make my brain not have intrusive flashbacks when faced with a similar scenario. it's literally how trauma works.

i've heard you can heal from trauma. but is that possible when the trauma wound constantly gets reopen every time it even starts to heal? if the same shit that caused you trauma keeps happening over and over and over and over....things replying in your head end up repeating themelves despire your best efforts to go a different direction....how do you heal? how do you convince your brain to not feel like this and think these things when it feels like reality rather than a worry since these things have happened literally 100% of the time!

that's the problem. you can't heal a flesh wound by rubbing dirt and shit and sharp objects on it all the time. I feel like the only way to heal is to be able to have someone I can actually trust and reply on. someone who proves to me that they won't become another source of trauma. the wond needs a clean and stable environment to heal in.

but i'm broken. i'm annoying. i'm incredibly boring and have no personality. my interests are few and very weird. i'm not likable to most people or for very long and do and say the wrong things all the time. etc etc. *throws pity party or whatever that's actually based on facts probably because no one proved them wrong yet and idk the real reason so i'm simply guessing* so how am I supposed to make a person do this lmao since you can't force people to like you and be a good friend. I also can't force myself to like people so the person needs to be someone *I* like and feel comfortable and connected with as well. hitting two birds with one stone is.....not easy. especially when you're as clumsy and uncoordinated as me.

hopefully my trip goes well. hopefully a miracle happens and we get closer. but I can't rely on it. I can't even think about it. I keep making myself focus on other things and nkt think. but sometimes something reminds me and then this now THREE HOUR long rant happens. 😭✌️

[silverynight]

The roommate

As soon as Todoroki starts working as a pro hero, he moves out of his house and starts renting an apartment; he doesn't have much money at the moment, so Uraraka suggests that he should find himself a roommate.

"But what if the guy's a creep!" Kaminari says suddenly to which Bakugo just rolls his eyes, like every time he does when the other says something. Although the explosive boy is not as aggressive as when he was a teenager, he still can't help but have a constant scowl on his face.

"I'm pretty sure Todoroki can protect himself," Ashido assures him.

Turns out Todoroki finds a roommate pretty soon; he's an engineer who has started working for Hatsume recently and doesn't have any quirks.

They're happy for him, because it means he finally gets to live far away from his father and he looks more content now.

Even though they're not in school anymore, the class A became friends and now they keep seeing each other almost every single week; they've been together for so long that they know one another pretty well at this point.

So when Todoroki, the serious guy, the one that only talked when he was directly asked something, starts talking every time he can about his roommate, the others know that something's going on.

When he's having lunch with Iida, Uraraka, Yaoyorozu and Jiro he mentions that his roommate's favorite food is katsudon and proceeds to buy some to take home.

Todoroki starts making lots of money; he's one of the best pro heroes now (constantly competing for the first place with Bakugo) and it's more than clear that he can live on his own.

And yet what he tells Kirishima, Kaminari, Sero and Bakugo one afternoon as they're playing videogames is something completely different.

"We're moving out," he suddenly says. "This new apartment has more space than the other and a better view–"

Kaminari cuts him off at this point because he's curious to see the place and convinces Todoroki to show him a couple of photos taken with his phone.

It looks like a very expensive apartment. Now, they know Todoroki can afford it on his own, but based on the information they have on his roommate, even though Hatsume pays him very well, they're sure he doesn't have the money to pay for it.

"If he likes it I'm going to buy it," Todoroki casually says, like it's not a big deal.

That confuses them even more.

"So is he going to pay you rent?" Kaminari asks, because he usually doesn't think twice before blurting something out.

"No," Todoroki says, determined. "I'm buying it for the both of us. He's my friend. Although I know he won't be very happy with it so I'll probably let him pay as much as he was paying when we were living in our first apartment."

Which is almost the same as letting him live there for free, because that other place was crap.

"He's in love," Ashido smiles from ear to ear as soon as Kirishima tells her what happened. "We have to meet him."

"And maybe give him the shovel talk?" Sero comments, not looking entirely sure.

"We don't know if they're dating," Asui points out.

"They probably aren't," Uraraka says. "I bet it's just Todoroki pining in silence. But we can help him woo him!"

"What if he doesn't like men?" Jiro questions and everyone stays quiet for a while.

"That's why we have to meet him!" Ashido insists. "We need to find out all those things about him first!"

"You're going to make everything worse!" Bakugo growls, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

"We know you worry about Todoroki, but–"

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, I DON'T CARE!"

Yaoyorozu manages to convince Todoroki to invite them all to have dinner to see the new apartment; apparently his roommate is more than happy to have so many pro heroes in his home.

Bakugo claims he's not going to go, but they all know he'll be there, perhaps late, but he will definitely attend.

***

Most of them are ready to see if the guy is worthy of Todoroki's time, ready to tell him he'll have to face them if he ever hurts their friend...

But then he opens the door and all they see is bright green eyes (like emeralds), messy green hair and a face that's covered in freckles and the most blinding and sincere smile they have ever seen.

"I'm so happy you're here!" The young man says excitedly, his enthusiasm is contagious and honestly adorable. "I'm Midoriya Izuku!"

And just like that Midoriya charms his way into their hearts as well.

"I can see why Todoroki is head over heels for this one," Kaminari comments in a whisper, prompting Kirishima to nod as Midoriya leads them towards the living room.

He's wearing an All Might apron which makes him look like the cutest man on earth.

"Shoto, your friends are here!" He says, before heading towards the kitchen.

"The dinner is almost ready, Izuku," the pro hero says, looking at the green haired man with the most fond expression they have ever seen.

"I'll take care of the rest, you stay here with your friends!"

"So when are you going to ask him out?" Ashido asks suddenly, right after Midoriya disappears inside the kitchen.

Todoroki blinks a couple of times before turning bright red; there's a little bit of smoke coming from the left side of his head that he quickly makes vanish by placing his right hand over his hair.

"It's that obvious?" He mumbles, almost in panic.

"You bought him an apartment!" Kirishima points out to which the man with mismatched hair shakes his head.

Todoroki makes a gesture for him to shut up as he looks nervously in the kitchen's door direction.

"He doesn't know!"

Alright, maybe things are more complicated than they initially thought.

***

Midoriya is adorable; he seems to be unable to stop himself because as they start having dinner, he begins to make excited questions about everyone's quirks. He also makes comments about them or takes notes as Todoroki watches him with a hand on his chin and a fond smile on his face.

How hasn't Midoriya noticed what's going on?

Someone knocks at the door then, it's a strong, almost aggressive sound that immediately tells former class A who it is.

They try to stop Midoriya from opening the door himself (nobody wants the cinnamon roll to get scared by Bakugo's infamous scowl) but the guy is faster than them.

When he opens the door, they see him freeze, actually, both of them are completely frozen on their spots; Bakugo is staring down at Midoriya like he's just seen a ghost.

"Kacchan?"

"Deku?"

Midoriya is the first one to recover. He smiles blindly at him.

"It's been a while!" He says. "I didn't know you were friends with Shoto. Come inside, let me–"

"Wait," Bakugo stops him, confusing everyone even more. He's looking at the ground like he always does when he wants to hide the emotions written all over his face. "I need to say something first."

They can't hear everything he's saying, but it looks like he's somehow apologizing to Midoriya. Why? What happened between them?

"Of course I forgive you!" The green haired man grins softly, putting a hand over the blond's cheek, a hand that doesn't get slapped away, to everyone's shock. "That was a long time ago, we were just kids then..."

"That doesn't make it right..."

"I know, but don't be so hard on yourself either."

"You haven't changed at all, nerd," Bakugo rolls his eyes but smiles at Midoriya; his eyes are glimmering with fondness as he turns his head down.

"Come inside."

"Thanks, De-Izuku..."

After Midoriya puts a plate of curry in front of him, he sits back next to Todoroki, who's looking a little bit tense from one to the other.

"I know it's not as spicy as you'd like..." Midoriya says, amusement in his eyes as Bakugo stares at him from the other side of the table.

"Shut up, nerd. This is good," he almost growls, complimenting the food (like he never does). The corner of his lips quirk up slightly before looking down at his plate.

Todoroki doesn't look happy at all.

"So you two were..."

"We have known each other since we were kids!" Midoriya beams at Uraraka. "Kacchan and I–"

"Kacchan?" Kaminari can't help but snort, purposely ignoring Bakugo's murderous glare. "That's such a cute nickname! Can we call you–"

"NO!"

Midoriya looks worried suddenly.

"Oh, yeah. I suppose that's a childish name. Would you prefer me to call you Baku–"

"NO!" He growls again, although now he has the decency to look like he regrets it as soon as his eyes meet Midoriya's again. "You can keep calling me that if you want, I don't really care..."

As a fond smile appears on Midoriya's face, Yaoyorozu decides to cut in and change the topic drastically, because she has noticed that Todoroki is getting a little upset by the situation.

Everything seems to go back to normal again when Midoriya starts talking about his work with Hatsume; Todoroki has that besotted expression on his face, although this time he leans closer to him and puts a rather possessive hand over his shoulder.

The scowl returns to Bakugo's face, however he seems to be paying close attention to what Midoriya is saying.

***

The walk back to their cars is a little bit awkward because everyone is thinking about the fact that Todoroki's roommate was friends with Bakugo.

A cinnamon roll and a feral gremlin is a weird combination, but very funny to think about.

"So you two were friends..."

"He tried to be my friend," Bakugo cuts Kaminari off with a frown upon his face. "I was an asshole to him most of the time."

"But he's a sunshine!" Uraraka narrows her eyes, looking a little bit irritated on Midoriya's behalf.

"Are you even surprised?" Bakugo asks and they all know he has a point. "I'm an asshole, you know that."

"But you're not bad, Bakubro..."

"I'm an asshole," Bakugo growls again, ignoring Kirishima's comment. "But to him I was worse. I used to snap at him whenever he followed me around, even though he was kind to me and talked about my quirk like it was the best thing in the world and when he stopped doing that, I began to follow him around only to say shitty things to him and make him cry."

"But why?" Sero asks, confused as the others are.

"Because..." Bakugo puts his hands inside his pockets and looks at the ground before adding: "I realized I was in love with him and I didn't know how to deal with it. I panicked."

The silence that follows is uncomfortable because they're not used to Bakugo being so open and honest with them. There's also the fact that Bakugo just confessed to have had a crush on Todoroki's friend, the one Todoroki's currently in love with.

Good thing everything's in the past. Because otherwise they'd have a problem.

***

Next--->

Patreon

[one-sad-human]

•Pinky Promises• Steven Adler

Pairing: Steven Adler x Reader, Axl Rose x Sibling! Reader

Requested? Yup! By an anon

Theme: Angst(?) to fluff

Warnings: Language, sexual references but nothing explicit

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Fic 1 of 2! Hope you enjoy! Also, the makeout near the end gets sorta hot and it was pretty fun to write? Like I’m considering exploring into writing smutter pieces. I didn’t want to originally because I thought I’d cringe all the way through and hate the result but I might try it out in the near future. Nothing too crazy but it’s something for me to think about.

     You step off of the large bus, your combat boots hitting the ground as you adjust the bag slung over your shoulder. It's stuffed to the brim with whatever you threw in, you're surprised the zipper did burst.

     You take a deep breath of the LA air. It's hot and humid and despite the thick air pollution, you can breath easier than you did in Indiana.

     You grew up in Lafayette, Indiana with your older half-brother William. You were raised in the hellish house with your shared father, which you finally managed to escape.

     William left right at eighteen. He tried taking you with him, but you didn't want him to be charged with kidnapping and have the cops on his ass. Now, two years and your father's stolen wallet later, you're finally in the city of dreams.

     "Will!" You yell out, spotting your redheaded other half.

     "Y/N!" He mocks, catching your figure in a crushing hug. He's taller than you, so you have to stand on your tippy toes during the embrace. "Thank God you're alright."

     "I'm fine, I'm happy to finally see you again," you say, a huge grin on your face. "How's the band? Everything going well?"

     "Well enough," he says with a shrug, grabbing your heavy bag and slinging it around his shoulder. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the guys. You already know Izzy of course, but the rest of them."

     The walk to the 'hell house' as Will had called it is filled with catching up. He made sure to keep in contact with you, but the phone calls were always short. It felt nice to have a full length conversation in person with your brother again.

     "Welcome home," Will says, leading you into the house. You grimace when you catch a whiff of stale beer and weed.

     "You seriously live here? This place should be condemned," you say with disgust.

     "And then where would we live?" The oh-so familiar voice of Will's best friend meets your ears. You whip around and fly into his arms.

     "Jeffery! I missed you so much! You really should've tried calling, you ass!" You exclaim. Izzy rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless, patting your back during the hug.

     "Who's this?" Another man enters the living room— if that's what it should even be called. He's blonde, taller than you but shorter than the other two men in the room. He has kind eyes and the smile he has on his handsome face leaves you speechless.

     "U-uh, hi. I'm Y/N," you say after a moment of shameless gawking. If he noticed, he doesn't mention it.

     "Oh that's right! Axl talks a lot about you! I'm Steven," he says and bounds up to you, catching your hand in a shake. You don't question who the hell 'Axl' is, but you smile stupidly at him and bite your lip with a blush staining your face.

     "No," Will says, glaring at the cute blonde you've taking an immediate liking to. "Absolutely not."

     "William!" You squeak out, pinching his shoulder harsher. He yelps and swats your hand away. Will glares further at you as he ushers you up the creaky stairs to your room. "Nothing happened! And who the fuck is 'Axl'?"

     "I saw how you were looking at him! I'm not naive, Y/N. You were giving him the 'fuck me' eyes! And me, everyone calls me Axl here." You give him a look. "Except you, of course. You can call me Will."

     You don't give him another word as he leads you to your bedroom. He was the one who didn't have a roommate before, and he'd have to share with Slash now but he was determined to give you your privacy.

     "This is the only room with a working lock, use it. Especially when your changing! Three horny men in a house with one you isn't a good combo." You make a face and shake your head, but you can't really tell if he's being overprotective or if his band mates really are pigs.

     "Are you not including Izzy?"

     "Please, he's the only smart one besides me. He knows I'll rip him a new one." You laugh and give Will another hug.

     "I've really missed hanging out with you like this, and thank you for letting me stay here." He nods and rubs your back.

     "No problem, we have each other's backs, always." You nod and release your bother from the hug. "One rule though: no hooking up with the guys. One time thing or not, you don't know them like I do, I won't let you get hurt. So don't even try anything with Steven!"

     "Even if it's nothing sex?" Will levels you with a look that would make you sweat if you were anyone else. You sigh and roll your eyes. "Fine! I promise."

     "Pinky promise?" He asks, holding out his pinky finger. You shake your head but comply anyway, hooking your pinky on his.

     "Wow, bringing out the big guns, pinky promises," you tease.

     "Bitch," he mumbles. You gasp sarcastically.

     "Asshole!" You reply. William takes his leave with another slew of insults under his breath but none to be taken seriously and all with a smile. You shut your door after him and lay on your bed, content with how things are finally beginning to look up.

If you knew where you would be in just a few months of living with your brother and his band, you never would've agreed to the naive promise Will had forced on you. You think back to the day with a frown.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Steven asks, pecking your bare shoulder as he lays behind you on your bed. You both lay naked and damp with sweat, glowing from the moonlight streaming in the room.

"William," you say with a sigh.

"We just had sex and your thinking of your brother? Should I be worried about you?" Steven asks teasingly. You fight the smile growing on your face and lightly pinch the his arm tightly wrapped around you. He never fails to make you laugh.

"I just feel bad keeping this a secret from him." You turn around to be face to face with Steven. "It's been months of sneaking around. I'm always nervous we'll get caught together or I'll blurt it out to him."

"Then why don't we just tell him?"

"Do you want to die! Steven, honestly, do you have a death wish?"

"No, but—"

"Then we can't tell my brother we're together. He'll murder you, and then probably me one he finds out how long I've been lying to him," you say and move your head in the crook of Steven's neck.

"Then we can be together in the afterlife!" Steven folds his arms around you even tighter. "Seriously though, we can't lie to him forever. We've been together for six months already, surely he'll see how much we care about each other and not want to kill us."

"Yeah, maybe," you say halfheartedly and close your eyes, finally letting yourself fall asleep.

The next night, Guns has a gig at the Whiskey A-Go Go. The ritual goes like it has been, they play the gig, you wait for Will to get drunk, and you and Steven sneak out to the back of the club to make out and maybe get felt up a bit before returning like nothing happened.

It isn't different this time. Steven's hands leave your skin ablaze as he lets them wander down your sides and up your thighs. His lips don't leave yours, even as he squeezes your ass and you let out a moan. He grins on your mouth and presses his pelvis up to your stomach.

His mouth leaves yours to press feather light kisses to your cheek before trailing down your jaw and onto your neck, where he sucks nips at. You have to press a hand to your mouth to stay quiet.

"Don't leave marks," you remind him through batted breath.

"I won't," he reassures and silences you with a chaste kiss to your swollen lips before returning his attack on your neck.

You hear footsteps fast approaching, but as quickly as you hear them, Steven is ripped away from you. He's slammed into the brick wall next to you harshly and groans. You jump away and gasp.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" William asks, his voice lower than usual. His green eyes dark and downright scary.

"Will! Let him go, come on. Stop fucking around, you didn't have to slam him into a wall," you say, but your shaky voice falls on deaf ears as Will doesn't move. Your hands grasp at his arm and try to yank him away from Steven, but he's stronger and taller than you and doesn't budge, he just keeps his eyes focused on Steven.

"Nothing!" He squeaks out. Even in the dark, his kiss bruised lips and flushed red face is obvious.

"'Nothing?' That's why you were ten seconds away from fucking Y/N?" Will asks.

"William stop it! You're scaring me! Leave him alone!" You push him again and this time, he relents. Will paces and runs his hand through his red locks while you rush to make sure Steven is ok.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Steven mutters and presses a kiss to your brow to comfort you, sending you a smile when he pulls away. He keeps his hands on your arms and rubs circles with his thumbs.

"How long has this been going on?" Will asks, crossing his arms as he finally stops his pacing.

"Six months..." Steven says nervously. William scoffs and shakes his head. "But it isn't just fucking around! I love them, Ax. Really."

You smile bashfully, biting your lip to try and contain it. You knew you felt strongly for Steven and that he returned the feelings, but you haven't outright said you loved each other— until know of course.

Will stays silent for a few beats, staring contemplative at Steven. He finally sighs, bring a hand up to rub his temples like he has a building headache.

"Yeah? And you love him, Y/N?" He asks. You nod, reaching out to grab Steven's hand. Steven lets a grin creep on to his face. "Then I guess I can't stop you. But if you ever break their heart, I'll fucking gut you, Adler."

If Will makes Steven nervous, he doesn't show it. He gives him a salute with his puppy dog like smile before sticking out his pinky.

"I promise I'll never hurt Y/N purposely, ever." Will rolls his eyes, the irony makes him nearly groan aloud. He sucks it up anyway when he sees your hopeful expression, hooking his pinky onto Steven's.

"Don't make me regret this, Steven," Will grumbles before leaving and walking back into the crowded club. Steven lets out an exhilarated laugh and kisses you, hard.

"Told you he wouldn't kill me!" Steven exclaims, making you laugh out of surprise.

"And we don't have to sneak around anymore!" Steven kisses you again, and again and again until you're breathless.

"I'm so in love with you," he mumbles between his attack on your lips. You smile, tangling your hands in his aqua-net filled hair.

"As I am with you."

[isabellehemlock]

[ you can find the google doc with links right here for a quick reference ]

Welcome to my fic rec list based on me desperately trying to whittle down my marked for later list!  As a fandom treat/gift to myself, I chose to read a fic a day (now in reality I managed nine and the rest are a combination of recs I’ve seen around and coming up next on my list).  BUT you get the idea lol, so here we go!

The majority are Joe and Nicky, but there’s AU’s, canon’s and an Andy and Quynh, a Book of Nile, and a crossover AU a Luca/Luca character pairing as well - everything is linked to include tumblr handle (when listed on the AO3 profile), and word count, rating and completed/WIP status given along with the summary.  

Hope you find something you might like to check out, and I tried to include both authors I’ve recced before as well as ones I haven’t for the variety ;)

Don’t hesitate to let me know if I need to update any tumblr handles, or if the link is broken - and happy reading ❤

Listed in ascending order of rating:

Snowed In With You by @beepbeepsan - Rated Teen - 8.3k - Completed

It’s almost dark when Quỳnh’s car gets stuck in the snow on the side of the mountain pass. Thankfully, an attractive stranger comes to her rescue.

Embrace your inner anti-hero by @fitzcamebacktome - Rated Teen - 2.5k (so far) - WIP

Nicolò Di Genova has a secret.

Technically it's due to being forced to sign an NDA from working at the Better Life Foundation, but it still means that he's keeping things from his boyfriend nonetheless. Things that he wishes he could share - hopes that he can share soon - because right now the secrecy is eating him alive.

Partially due to his excitement involving a scientific breakthrough of the existence of new life.

Basically the Venom AU that no one asked for!

this song is new to me by captainshakespear - Rated Mature - 9.3k - Completed

He tries again, to pursue relationships with other sweet, interesting men that go beyond simply sharing thoughts and meals. If everyone else likes sex so much, then there is nothing for him to do except get used to it.

The anxiety persists. None of these romances last long. He starts wondering if it’s not a problem with his partners, but a problem with him.

The Miracle of Love by @zairaalbereo - Rated Mature - 8.1k (so far) - WIP

“You were at the airport.” Nicolò’s heartbeat picks up as understanding creeps in. “Why?”

Quynh rolls her eyes. “You know why,” she scoffs and points in the direction of Joe’s room. “Because he was supposed to be dead five hours ago, that’s why!”

“No. No, no, no. Nicolò shakes his head, desperation tightening his throat. “No, that can’t be.”

“It has to be.” She flips her hair over her shoulder. “So stop. Interfering.”

Or Nicky is a guardian angel who accidentally saves Joe when he really wasn't supposed to. Now he can't stop.

skin by @bewires - Rated Explicit - 1.9k - Completed

“Oh,” Yusuf says.

“What is it?” Nico asks. “Do I displease you, should I—“

“No,” Yusuf says hastily. “Never. It’s just—“ he reaches out to run his finger along the fold of skin hiding the pink head of Nico’s erection. “I haven’t seen this before.”

Starting the new year off right by @disregardandfelicity - Rated Explicit - 6.1k - Completed

Joe hangs up the phone and gives himself a moment to mourn the surprises he had planned, the fantasies he’d had of kissing Nicky at midnight buzzed on champagne.

Christmas decorations still lay scattered at his feet. The idea was to surprise Nicky by having them decorate a tree in Joe’s living room, since doing much of anything in Nicky’s tiny apartment, shared with a revolving door of roommates, is rarely an option.

“Well that was a dumb idea,” he mutters to himself.

A few months into his new relationship with Nicky, Joe has been meticulously planning how they're going to spend the holidays. Nicky, however, has other plans. Plans that don't involve him.

Una notte napolitana by @sal-si-puedes - Rated Explicit - 2.6k - Completed 

The smile on Martin’s lips broadens. He hasn’t been to an establishment like this in quite a while, and he’s enjoying the light-heartedness and the hint of festivity in the patrons’ clothes after those long months at sea, after their soot, after the grease and the noise of the ship’s belly.

Or, instead of going to the open-air dance hall after his return from sea, Martin visits a gay bar in Naples. Instead of sleeping with Margherita, he spends the night with a young man from Calabria, one Primo Nizzuto.

(Set before the events of “Trust”, in the late 1960s. Since it’s never been clearly established, when ME takes place, and since I wanted a slightly younger Primo, this seems a fair choice. ;D)

The Journey Home by @ao3-arkada - Rated Explicit - 9.6k (so far) - WIP

When they met, Yusuf was a merchant trading across Europa, and Nicolò a priest turned warrior paying off a debt of honor in the Norse lands. Yusuf fell in love with Nicolò slowly - spending a week together each year before he was compelled to travel onwards and leave Nicolò behind.

Nicolò fell in love almost as soon as they met.

Now they are each other’s, crossing Europa side by side. Ahead of them is a journey of a thousand miles, and a lesson that loving a person up close is very different to loving them from afar.

two can play/both can win by @mieraspeller - Rated Explicit - 2k - Completed

Yusuf wants a reaction and gets more than he bargained for. (Feelings. He gets feelings.)

Honorable mentions of three more coming up next on my to read list!!

A Knight In Shining Armor by @spacewitchqueen - Rated Mature - 1.3k (so far) - WIP

Prince Yusuf has been raised to fulfill royal duties and do what is best for his kingdom, he knows what being a prince entails and he accepts the responsibility, even when it means he's not as free as he would like to be. And then he meets an intriguing Knight.

Only one way off the mountain after all by @dreamtiwasanarchitect - Rated Explicit - 10.5k - Completed

The man shakes his head, but then he puts a hand on his chest. “Knee-key,” he says.

“Knee key?” Joe blinks, baffled.

“Knee-key,” the man repeats.

Something clicks in Joe’s brain. “Oh. Ah—” he scrambles for a translation “—you are called Nicky?” he thinks he asks in Italian.

The man’s face brightens. “Si,” he says, then he unleashes a long stream of Italian that Joe doesn’t come close to comprehending.

“Uh, sorry,” Joe says, shaking his head. He shrugs helplessly. “Mi dispiace, no italiano.”

A failed attempt at outdoor recreation leaves Joe stranded in a mountain cabin. Good thing he has company.

À quoi bon se bousculer? by @sindirimba - Rated Explicit - 2.6k - Completed

“Baby,” she murmurs, scratching her nails down along the back of his neck, making him groan softly. “What’re you up for?”

His lips twitch and he pulls back slightly, eyes searching her face. “Hmm, we need to do the dishes, don’t we?”

[garlichoisan]

Singing in the shower | liu yangyang

➸ Genre: Fluff

➸ Pairing: Yangyang × f reader

➸ Word count: 7 197

➸ Information:

college!au, childhood friends, friends to lovers, friends!NCT Dream 00 line, bestfriend!Yeji (ITZY), very slight NoMin references (Jeno + Jaemin), mention of Mark Lee, reader is a few months older than YangYang (born in the same year)

➸ Warnings: A lot of fluff as usual.

➸ Plot:

You're forced to learn how to live without your closest friend from childhood who has to go live in Germany with his parents, leaving you heartbroken. You thought YangYang was going to be by your side forever. As years have passed and you've almost started to forget about him, he suddenly appears in your life again, turning it upside down, and this time, nobody's leaving.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

➸ A/N: This oneshot took me over 2 months and a half to write and was written as a part of my dear @renjunniehome's song fic challenge (?)

Not really a challenge, but it's an event where diffent NCT writers write fanfics based on songs so make sure to check it here: PLAYLIST FICS MASTERLIST

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“I don't know, it's just something about ya

Got me feeling like I can't be without ya

Anytime someone mention your name

I be feeling as if I'm around ya”

YangYang and you have always been a package deal; you were so close as children that at one point people couldn’t imagine one of you without the other and honestly, you also couldn’t imagine what your life would be without your best friend. There was something about him that made you feel butterflies in your stomach, even though as a child you could not identify and understand clearly what it was.

Besides that, your parents and YangYang’s were very close so you sometimes had family dinners together; that happened often, since you were neighbors and your houses were literally right next to each other. Your parents loved YangYang like their own son, maybe because he spent so much time in your house, had dinner there, and even stayed the night quite often for your sleepover parties. Of course, his parents were also very happy when you went to his house in order to spend time with him. Everyone in the neighborhood thought you’d end up marrying each other when you grow up, even if your child selves denied it with disgust. However, you couldn’t deny that your face always lit up when your parents told you YangYang and his parents would be coming over for dinner. Just the mention of his name made you start jumping with excitement.

But apparently everything good had to end sooner or later. You could still remember the shock you felt when you learnt YangYang would be leaving his house which was right next to yours in order to go live and study in Germany. He explained with glossy eyes that his parents have found better work opportunities there and that this probably meant you wouldn’t see each other very often. When you first heard this, you burst out crying, hugging him tightly, begging him not to go. Even though he also didn’t want to go, he was just a child so he had to leave with his parents. That left you heartbroken; you tried to text him in the beginning in order to keep in touch but it was getting difficult because of the time difference, as well as the lack of personal contact. Slowly you started to get used to life without him, no matter how much you wanted him back, but you couldn’t really learn to be happy without him.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Ain't no words to describe you baby

All I know is that you take me high

Can you tell that you drive me crazy?

'Cause I can't get you out my mind”

As the years were passing and you were growing up, you started to understand what your feelings for your childhood friend meant. Before you heard the word “crush”, you thought you just loved to be next to YangYang because he was funny and was making you laugh. But as a teenager, you realized you still missed him, even though you had no idea what he looked like now, how much he had changed, and most of all, you felt how you haven’t gotten over him at all. People your age started to date, but you weren’t interested in anyone, since subconsciously you kept comparing them to your childhood friend. You never even went to dates, and you realized how childish your behavior was, but honestly, nobody seemed like your type anyways. You barely had any friends, since the overly-romanticized idea of YangYang has turned into a standard for your friendships as well. You felt as if you were going crazy because of him as you only thought of him and how you would feel if you could meet him now.

* * *

A few years have passed and you were now in university, trying to live without the thought of YangYang as you realized you were probably never going to meet him again. Now you had some amazing friends who were bringing colors into your life and sometimes distracted you from thoughts about your childhood friend.

You were currently having lunch with your friends from your class. Suddenly you saw Jaemin, one of your friends, running towards your table and finding a place to sit, as he looked as if he was excited for some reason.

"Guys, big news! Apparently we're gonna have a new guy in our class. I heard he's German. I can't wait to meet him! European peopleare so good-looking!" Jaemin said with a dreamy gaze.

“Why would there be a German in our class?” You asked confusedly.

“I don’t know, that’s what the rumors are.”

As you heard the word ‘German’, you suddenly thought of YangYang again, trying to stop the association in your mind before it was too late. For the rest of lunch time you were a lot more silent than usual, quietly eating your food as Haechan was telling jokes, Renjun was laughing, and Jaemin kept annoying Jeno.

The next day you had an early class and as you heard your alarm ring, you groaned softly in annoyance, turning it off and literally rolling out of bed, as you fell to the floor, hugging your blanket, together with your bunny plushie which was actually a present from YangYang.

“Stop overreacting, you drama queen. Nobody has ever died from early morning classes,” your roommate and best friend, Yeji, said.

Sometimes you wondered how could she be so energetic, enthusiastic and optimistic, even early in the morning.

“Yeah, I might be the first one though,” you cried out, while holding the plushie tightly, refusing to accept the reality.

“Come on, if you get up now, I’ll buy you something delicious after classes,” Yeji promised, taking your hand to help you get to your feet.

When you heard her offer, your eyes lit up.

“Really?” You were still a little skeptical about believing her, even though you wanted to.

“Yes, knowing you, you’re probably just going to ask me to buy you a chocolate. Completely affordable,” Yeji chuckled, knowing she was right.

“Correct. Make it two, though. I feel this is going to be a difficult day.”

You finally took her hand and let her help you get up from the floor. After that you quickly put your plushie back in your bed, laying its head on your pillow, as you took the blankets from the floor and put them over the plushie, wanting it to feel warm. Yeji watched your actions with a wide smile on her face.

“Aww, you’re so cute. Now go get ready, or we’ll gonna be late.”

“Oh, how tragic that would be,” you said sarcastically, before going to the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth.

* * *

When you and Yeji entered the lecture hall, you found your classmates being more energetic and chattier than usual. You also noticed your friends, who were talking to a new guy, probably the one Jaemin mentioned the day before, as you recalled.

“Honestly I was a little disappointed to find out you weren’t actually German,” you heard Jaemin say and you giggled quietly.

“If those weird comments don’t scare the new guy off, I’d be really impressed,” Yeji noted, as she found a place near the window and you sat next to her.

“I agree,” you laughed, turning around to look at the new guy once again.

He looked somehow familiar to you, but you couldn’t tell why. When he noticed you looking at him he just stared at you for a couple of seconds while Jaemin and the rest of your friends were probably bothering him. You could swear you’ve seen those shiny dark brown eyes somewhere else before. But as you realized you were still looking at the guy, you quickly averted your eyes, so that he wouldn’t think you were some kind of a creep. You thought that maybe there was not a particular reason for his familiar vibe: maybe he just looked like somebody you’d befriend, that’s why he looked as if you already knew him, or at least that’s what you believed.

“I see the new guy has already caught your eye. The question is, how did he achieve that? You’re not usually interested in others,” Yeji pointed out.

“I-I’m not looking at him,” you denied, shaking your head. “Guys are basically a loss of time, except for my friends. But they’re too dumb for me to date one of them. Besides, only two of them are boyfriend material, they are Jaemin and Jeno, and they’re basically almost dating each other, even though they don’t know it yet,” you explained, taking your textbook out.

As you mentioned Jeno, you saw him coming to you and you looked at him questioningly.

“We promised to show the new guy around after this class, and then we’re going to have lunch with him. You and Yeji can also join us,” Jeno suggested and Yeji nodded.

“We’d love to!” You smiled and Jeno smiled back, returning to his seat, next to Jaemin.

When English class ended, you and Yeji went out of the lecture hall, waiting for your friends and the new guy. They were soon here and you all started walking around the hall, as you heard Haechan talking about the variety of books in the university’s library even though you’ve never seen him actually go there, so you were wondering how he knew this information. Meanwhile you and the new guy continued looking at each other and then averting your gaze without saying anything. You realized he still hasn’t introduced himself to you, but you couldn’t ask him for his name, because you were shy, so you just continued walking in silence, as the ones who were talking were mainly Haechan and Renjun.

When you went to the cafeteria and found a table, you left your things, so that the guys could watch over them, and you went to buy food with Yeji.

“Seriously, what’s going on between you and the new guy? You can’t stop looking at each other. You’ve never looked at a guy like that, so you can’t convince me you don’t like him,” Yeji stated, demanding an answer, as she took a bowl of rice.

“He just looks familiar, I don’t know why though. That’s all.”

“You know that when you meet your soulmate for the first time, you feel as if you already know each other?” Yeji asked, as you paid for your food and started walking back to the table with your best friend walking after you.

“Shut up,” you hit her arm playfully; you really wanted her to stop saying things like that.

When you went back to the table, you noticed only Jaemin and Jeno were there. Jaemin was feeding Jeno, holding a spoon of rice which he put into his mouth.

“Eat a lot, handsome,” Jaemin winked at Jeno who averted his head with discontent. “Do you want some kimchi?” He asked, as Jeno nodded, even though he didn’t want his best friend to feed him.

“Why are you feeding him? Can he not hold the utensils himself?” Yeji asked, as you hit her arm again.

“Be quiet, you’re ruining the romance,” you scolded her, as you continued looking at your two friends, as you sat across from them.

“What romance are you talking about, I just lost a bet,” Jeno groaned in disagreement with your statement.

“Was the bet letting Jaemin show his love for you freely?” You questioned him, as Jeno looked too flustered to answer.

“Something like that,” Jaemin confirmed. “Ah, Jeno, you’re such a messy eater! Here, let me wipe that off,” he said, as he wiped the rice off Jeno’s lips, using a tissue.

“Cute,” you whispered, looking away as you started eating your own lunch.

“Jaemin’s actions are making me want to throw up,” Yeji confessed, taking her fork and starting to eat her food in silence.

“You’re not the only one, I feel the same way,” Jeno agreed quietly, looking at Jaemin as if he was going to kill him every second now.

A few minutes later the new guy approached your table, holding his own tray of food, setting it down and sitting next to you. Your heart skipped a beat just because of his decision to sit next to you. You didn’t know why him being close to you was making you feel this special, so you tried to brush it off, but you couldn’t; so during the rest of the lunch you were actually in a very good mood, even though you and the new guy still haven’t talked to each other directly at all. When Haechan and Renjun joined you, you talked to them a lot, trying not to think about the stranger next to you, since you were too shy to ask for his name, and he apparently didn’t want to say it to you or ask you about yours.

As you were done with lunch, you stood up from the table and took your tray in your hands, looking at the new guy as he was doing the same. When he took his own tray, though, you noticed he dropped something. You quickly bent down to get it and give it back to its owner. But before handing it to him, you took a quick look at it – it was a discount card for the food in the cafeteria. You saw his picture and you read your name, saying it out loud as you realized something.

“Yang… Yang?” You looked up in disbelief.

He looked at you with a smile and he nodded.

“Yes, YangYang is my name, not a nickname as people usually think. Sorry for not introducing myself to you earlier, I was just distracted since you seemed really familiar for some reason,” he said, as you handed him his discount card.

“Um, I… My name is Y/N,” you introduced yourself quietly, as you waited for his reaction.

There were two possible ways this could go: he would either recognize his own childhood best friend, or he would take your hand, as he hears your name for the first time, if he wasn’t your YangYang, but some other guy with the same name. But to you, now it all made sense. The visual resemblance, his voice, his cheerful personality… But you still wanted to be sure it was actually him, before hugging him excitedly.

“You… Bunny?” He called you by your nickname he came up with when you were younger. He thought you looked energetic and playful, just like a bunny.

You nodded, as you couldn’t stop smiling.

“You don’t know how much I missed you!”

Before you could do anything, he put his tray and card down on the table as he hugged you tightly. You were a little taken aback for a couple of seconds, slowly realizing your wish has come true. You and your best friend were finally together.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Thinkin' of ya when I'm goin' to bed

When I wake up think of ya again

You are my homie, lover and friend

Exactly why”

As you and Yeji went back to the dorms, you didn’t even have any motivation to study, because you were too busy thinking about your amazing day. You still couldn’t believe this was actually him, your childhood best friend who you were meeting so many years after he left for Germany, after you had lost hope of seeing him ever again. You were hugging your plushie, as you were jumping around the room, repeating that tomorrow you were meeting YangYang after classes in a café, where you could talk to each other and get updates on his life, even though everything seemed as if it was still the same; even YangYang haven’t changed in your opinion, except for becoming more handsome now as an adult.

Yeji was smiling at you, as you told her about your long story with your childhood friend. She was sincerely happy to see you so excited and she wished everything would turn out well for you. You kept thinking about him before going to bed and even after you woke up, starting your day with a smile on your face.

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“You light me up inside

Like the 4th of July

Whenever you’rearound

I always seem to smile”

A few weeks have passed since your reunion with YangYang; now you were used to hanging out together all the time, just like before, realizing that neither of you really changed. You craved each other’s attention and presence just the same way as when you were kids. Today you decided to visit a café with a nice atmosphere, suitable for a cozy afternoon and long conversations. After classes were over, you said goodbye to Yeji, as she wished you to have a good time on your date, but you were quick to correct her this wasn’t a date (even though you secretly wanted it to be) and went out of the classroom together with YangYang.

On the way to the café you couldn’t stop talking to each other. Your topics were never ending and it was always exciting spending time together for both of you. You couldn’t stop smiling as he said funny things to you, or even when he didn’t say something that entertaining; you just loved his company so much, that you enjoyed every second you spent with him. Around twenty minutes later you got to your destination and he opened the door to the café for you, then you found a nice table near the window. You both ordered hot chocolate as you continued with your conversation.

“Do you wanna go watch a movie tomorrow? They’re projecting a Marvel movie,” YangYang asked as he gave you a little additional information.

You smiled, even though you honestly disliked these movies, but you only watched them so that you could spend time with YangYang. You’ve watched every single Marvel movie, since your best friend was obsessed with them for some reason.

“Of course, I’m so excited!”

“Great, I’ll book the movie tickets now,” YangYang said with a wide smile on his face, as he unlocked his phone and typed the website’s name to book the tickets.

“Um, Yangie,” you hesitantly started speaking, not knowing if you should continue your sentence.

“Yeah?” He asked, not looking away from his phone.

“I’m going home this weekend, in my hometown. Do you wanna go with me?” You suggested, even though you felt a little shy to be inviting your childhood friend in your house and have the same sleepovers you used to.

“Really? That would be amazing!” Fortunately, he seemed really happy to hear your idea. “Your parents are also going to be there, right?” After you nodded, he continued speaking. “Can you tell your mom to please prepare my favorite cream cheese muffins for her special guest?” He looked at you with pleading eyes you could never say no to.

“Hey, YangYang! Do you only care about food?” You scolded him, as you playfully hit his arm.

“This is my main priority, yes.” He answered, matching your energy. “But you take the second place, you’re the second most important thing to me other than food.”

He looked at you and for a moment you forgot how to breathe. You were looking at his eyes, getting lost again and again; it felt like you were getting out of the trance he put you on, only to fall deeper the next time you looked at him.

“Are you okay?”

His voice showed concern, but his face had a unreadable look; not worried, but also not calm. It was like he knew exactly how he made you feel.

“Uh, yes, sorry, I just zoned out for a second,” you explained as you avoided his gaze. “I’m gonna call my mom later and ask her to prepare the muffins,” you informed him, as you took a sip from your hot chocolate.

“You know I don’t really care, right? I just want to be with you,” he admitted, as you coughed when you heard that. “Are you alright? First you zoned out, now you can’t drink your hot chocolate… So my theory must be true,” he said with a content tone and you looked at him in surprise.

“What theory?” You asked as you continued coughing until you were okay.

“Never mind. Just be careful next time.”

You nodded as you silently took another sip, trying to avoid his eyes.

Around an hour later it was time for you to leave, so you went back to the dorms. He smiled and waved at you, and after you waved back, you finally entered the room you and Yeji shared. You closed the door as you rested your back on it, breathing loudly. Your heart was beating fast and you wanted to make sure you’ve calmed down before you greet Yeji. Now you were absolutely sure you were in love with your childhood best friend and that fact made you quite nervous. You never felt that way before and you weren’t even sure if he felt the same way about you. But despite your worries, you smiled widely before knowing it. You felt like you couldn’t even control your emotions and it made you very confused. You slowly went to your room, then you left your bag on your chair and you took a step towards your bed and you just laid on it for a minute, staring at the ceiling, trying to stop thinking about YangYang, but it was more difficult than you expected.

“What’s wrong? Didn’t the date with YangYang go well?” She teased you and you turned to look at her, rolling your eyes with annoyance.

“It was nice, except it weren’t a date,” you corrected her, sighing loudly. “But why is my heart being like that?” you whispered, putting your head on your heart as you kept looking at the ceiling with concentration, as if you expected to find all the answers of your questions there.

“Maybe because you wanted it to be a date?”

You decided to ignore her, but then she spoke again.

“Look at me, the ceiling won’t talk to you like I can,” Yeji reminded you as you looked at her discontentedly.

“Yes, but it also won’t make fun of me like you do.”

“Look, I’m sorry. I just find it amazing that you’re finally interested in somebody,” she said, as she smiled excitedly.

“You could have stopped after ‘sorry’, you know?” You shot her another annoyed look and she raised her eyebrows as if to say she didn’t care. “Never mind, I’m going to take a shower.”

���⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“And people ask me how

Well you’re the reason why

I'm dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower”

As you felt the hot water running down your body, you felt a wave of calmness washing over you. Your mind kept going back to thoughts of YangYang and your incredible day with him, as well as the excitement of going home together with him. It was something you wished for so many years, just having him back with you, the two of you together in your room, playing Plants vs. Zombies or Mortal Kombat, some of your favorite PC games back at the time, when you both were around 10 years old.

Without realizing it, you started singing a random song you’ve heard in school today that somehow happened to be a romantic one, matching perfectly with your good mood and your feelings for your childhood friend. Around half an hour later, you got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around your body. Then you took the hairdryer and stood in front of the mirror, drying your hair, but you felt so energetic and happy that you started dancing in front of the mirror. You were holding the hairdryer and you were moving your body randomly, keeping a smile on your face, even though that way drying your hair took much longer time than usual.

When you finally turned the hairdryer off, you noticed Yeji standing in the doorway of your room, looking at you with a wide smile. You rolled your eyes at her for the millionth time today, realizing she may have witnessed at least a part of your dancing in front of the mirror. She giggled, but you decided to act as if nothing out of the ordinary happened, as if you were always that cheerful.

“Why are you laughing?” You asked, as you put the hairdryer back in its place.

“Someone has a crush,” Yeji almost sang that sentence. “I’ve never heard you singing in the shower and seen you dancing in front of the mirror before… Is it really possible that YangYang is the reason behind all that? Could he have changed your usual grumpiness into cheerfulness?”

“What do you mean? I’m the same as usual,” you denied all her claims coolly, sounding credible enough, since you weren’t such an inexperienced liar; you couldn’t say the same for your love life though – you really lacked experience in that part, knowing that calling yourself a “dater” would be factually incorrect.

“Yeah, okay. But if things between you really do work out, I want to be the first one you’re going to share the news with! You’re gonna tell it to Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun and Haechan later,” Yeji stated, as you were looking at her with confusion.

“Calm down, there won’t be any news to tell,” you laughed as you quietly went back to your shared room.

But the part of you that you tried hard to suppress, really hoped you were wrong.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“All I want, all I need is your lovin'

Baby you make me hot like an oven

Since you came you know what I've discovered

Baby I don't need me another”

The next day was Friday, the day you would come back home together with YangYang, being there with him for the first time in many years. A few days ago you’ve told your mother about reuniting with him and to say she was ecstatic would have been an understatement; she felt as if she was welcoming her second child who has been away for a long time, so she wanted to make sure everything was perfect for him. She even cleaned your room since you weren’t there to do so and its usual state was beyond messy; definitely not the best place to show to such an important and dear guest.

You couldn’t wait to go, but before that, you had classes that seemed endless to you; time seemed to be passing too slowly and for a moment you even thought about suggesting YangYang to skip school today, but your good girl reputation prevented you from doing so.

When the professor said his last words for today, concluding the lecture, you took your backpack. You had put your stuff in it a few minutes ago, while the professor was explaining something about an exam or an “extremely important” group project; you weren’t sure, since you weren’t listening after all. You took out the little mirror you kept in your bag to make sure you looked alright. You tried to comb your hair with your fingers, then you applied a new layer of your favorite pink lipstick; you took so much time with your make up today, even though you usually didn’t wear a lot. When you were ready, you ran to the exit of the auditorium, as YangYang was already waiting in front of it.

“You might need to turn Yeji down,” he said, as you raised your eyebrows questioningly. “The group assignment Mr. Lee mentioned, groups of two are also allowed, so you’re with me.”

So this was what you missed as you were too busy putting your stuff in your backpack in order to be able to leave as early as possible. You smiled at him when you heard his words that made a warm feeling blossom in your body.

“Are we ready to go? All I need is in my backpack, so I don’t need to go back to the dorms, unless you want to.”

“I’m also ready. Let’s go,” he smiled, taking your hand and leading you to the exit of the university.

As you were walking next to him, your hand in his, you felt your heart beating unusually fast; but instead of this making you feel nervous, you felt the same warm feeling spreading through your whole body and this time, you were ready to let go and have fun, without holding back anymore.

“So we have a bus in 15 minutes,” you informed him, as you looked at your phone.

“A bus?” He asked before he stopped walking and you stopped looking at the phone and noticed an expensive black car parked in the university parking. “Why don’t we take a ride in my car?” He leaned on it, tapping the roof softly.

“This car is yours? I can’t believe it, you’ve really grown up, Yangie,” you said with a disbelieving voice in order to tease him, but you still sat next to the driver’s seat in his car, as he has opened the door for you before getting on himself. “Even though I’m a few months older than you, I still don’t have my driver’s license, but I’m working on it,” you said with a discontented tone. You were nervous about driving and when you were stressed, you couldn’t do well so you were trying to get your driver’s license for quite some time now.

“You can do it,” he encouraged you with his usual cheerful tone, holding his fist in the air for a second as a sign of encouragement, as he started the car and left the university parking.

* * *

When you were finally in front of your house, you quickly got off the car as you started jumping around with excitement. He smiled at you as he also got off and when the both of you took your backpacks from the car, you rang the bell of your house. A few seconds later your mom opened the door, welcoming you with warm hugs and her usual good mood, as well as a wide smile.

“Wow, I haven’t been here for such a long time,” YangYang mentioned, as he kept looking around. “Wait, what is this smell? It’s amazing!”

“Oh, it’s the muffins,” she smiled again. “By the way, Yangie, you’ve grown so tall! And my little Y/N is still the same as before, she didn’t really grow up a lot,” your mom teased you,

“Hey, you’re shorter than me, so you aren’t allowed to make fun of me!” You playfully scolded your mom, as you sighed in annoyance.

“But you like girls shorter than you, right, YangYang?” Your mom asked your childhood best friend and you wanted the ground to swallow you up right now since you were so ashamed.

You knew she was only asking this since she shipped you and YangYang romantically ever since you two met. She was truly scared for you not to end up single, while you were living your life, rejecting every guy that tried to flirt with you, especially because they weren’t YangYang. You perfectly understood your own feelings so you knew that you didn’t need and didn’t really want a relationship if it wasn’t with him.

“Actually, yeah, I really like girls like that,” YangYang smiled confidently, looking at you. “They are adorable,” he looked away and only then you could breathe. “And they make me feel tall even though I’m not,” he laughed, as your mother was looking at him with pure adoration in her eyes.

“Ah, you’d be such a perfect son in law! Handsome, good mannered, with a good height and you also know a lot of languages, just like my Y/N! I’m honestly so jealous of your future mother in law,” your mom continued to make you want to disappear and you were on the verge of just taking YangYang’s hand and leading him somewhere far away from that house.

“Believe me, you do not need to worry about that,” YangYang said as he kept smiling at your mom.

Even though you didn’t know what he meant, you really wanted to take him somewhere else, where he wouldn’t be able to talk to your mom.

“Dad is still at work, right? Please ask him to buy iced tea and tell us to come when dinner is ready, see you later,” without waiting for your mom to answer, you took YangYang’s hand and led him upstairs and then into your room.

He was looking around as if he was visiting a foreign place he has never been to before.

“You changed your room color…” He said as he touched the wall. “Baby pink suited you though. Also your curtains are different. I liked the old ones with teddy bears on them, but these are fine too. And the bed… It’s seems suitable for more than one person,” he kept commenting the details about your room, but this time his tone was different, and his look was honestly making you nervous. “Have you invited many guys here, Y/N? In this room, on this bed?”

His question made you choke on air; you were looking at him with shock written all over your face.

“W-why would I…”

You wanted to be honest with him, but then realized that this would probably make you look so boring to him.

“It’s not your business.” You quickly answered, sitting on your chair.

“Ah, my innocent Y/N… I guess I’m the only guy who is not a family member that has been to your room,” he continued teasing you as you glared at him warningly.

“That’s not true! Jaemin, Jeno, Haechan and Renjun have been here too!” You quickly denied his claims.

“Yeah, but I doubt you felt something for any of them.”

You stayed silent for a few seconds before deciding to change the topic.

“Do you wanna play Plants Vs. Zombies?” You suddenly asked.

“Of course! Let’s go!” He answered enthusiastically, seating on the chair next to yours.

It was a whole miracle how you could change the atmosphere and his demeanor just by mentioning a PC game. You started playing and suddenly he was the same old YangYang you knew and loved.

“Plant a sunflower, quickly!” You said, as you were looking at your laptop’s screen.

He did as you said, waiting to get another sun so we could buy another plant.

“Quickly, the zombies are coming!” You were clapping excitedly, looking at your childhood friend play the game you used to play all the time when you were kids.

You were so happy that you got closer to him without realizing.

“You’re making me nervous by staying so close to me,” he confessed, giggling softly.

“A-ah, s-sorry,” you quickly apologized as you moved away from him.

When you decided to take a break from the game, you offered him to watch a movie and he agreed, laying on your bed and you reluctantly laid next to him, trying not to get too close to him. You opened Netflix on your TV and the two of you took some time to choose a movie.

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“No, no all I know (know)

Only you got me feelin' so (so)

And you know that I have to have ya

And I don't plan to let you go”

You haven’t watched the movie even halfway when he pressed the pause button.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he said, sighing deeply as if he had something that caused him a great amount of stress.

“Do what?” You asked him worriedly.

Was he sick? Was he bored? You thought of so many different things that you could have done which could have irritated him.

“Pretend that everything between us is still the same. Pretend I don’t want to kiss you right now.”

Your eyes widened with shock when you heard his confession, but before you could say anything, he continued talking.

“We’re not kids anymore, Y/N. And I think we did change through all these years. It’s our chemistry that’s still the same. Tell me that you’re feeling it too,” he was talking in a husky voice which made you imagine things you thought you shouldn’t.

YangYang looked at your eyes hesitatingly, then at your lips, or at least that’s what you thought you saw him looking at, even though for you, it didn’t make any sense for him to be looking there, even after hearing him say he wanted to kiss you. You felt as if that whole situation was just a dream and nothing that happened was going to affect reality in any way. But as you were busy overanalyzing things as usual, you felt a strange, yet addicting sensation. As your eyes were still open, you looked at YangYang who was kissing you. You couldn’t believe that was happening, but you quickly closed your eyes, enjoying his lips on yours. Your heart was beating fast as you tried to remember this sweet feeling, savouring the taste of his lips. When he moved away, you slowly opened your eyes, looking at his with confusion, yet with trust. You were sure that whatever was going to happen, you were safe and happy with him.

“I- You… Uh, did you like that?”

You nervously nodded, as you were wondering what to say.

“Great, I did too. Does that mean you like me back?” YangYang wanted to check in with you, before officially asking you the last question he wanted to ask ever since he realized who you were back in the canteen that day.

“You’re so special to me, YangYang. I like you a lot,” you confessed, feeling a little shy, but still trying to keep his eyes on him, because you thought he deserved to know exactly how you felt about him without finding out how nervous you actually were. “By the way, that was my first kiss and I’m so happy it was with you,” you looked at him adoringly.

“Really? That’s so cute!” He exclaimed with a sweet smile. “So you’re sure you haven’t kissed anyone from your friends group?”

“Actually I kissed Jaemin and Jeno on the cheek once at a party because of a dare. And on the same night Haechan and I got so drunk that we almost kissed, but our friends stopped us before we ‘unlock a whole another relationship’, as they said.”

YangYang sighed with annoyance before mustering up the courage to ask you the most important question.

“Do you want to be like… Uh, you know?”

You were looking at him with confusion written all over your face.

“You sound just like Mark, he’s a friend of mine who’s one year older than us,” you teased him, since you really found his nervousness to be cute.

“Come on, you know what I’m trying to say,” he tried to avoid saying it out loud, but you weren’t going to let him do that.

“Do I know, Yangie? How can I know if you haven’t said it yet?”

“You went from a shy girl to a smug girl in just a second,” he mumbled with discontent.

“But you’re the same! You were teasing me earlier and now you sound like Mark Lee!” You complained.

“Who is Mark Lee?” YangYang asked even though he didn’t really insist on knowing; he just wanted to postpone asking his main question for as long as possible.

“That Mark guy I told you about! Are you even listening to me?”

“Should I be jealous of him?” He pouted as he was waiting for your answer.

“Maybe you should,” you continued provoking him in order for him to properly ask you what he wanted to.

“Come on! Aren’t your four handsome guy friends enough people to be jealous of? When I see how you’re looking at Yeji, sometimes I’m jealous of her too! I also can’t stand it when Haechan looks at you as if he has so many improper thoughts. Or when Jeno and Jaemin ask you if you have eaten. Or when Renjun is smiling at you and laughing at your jokes! Ah, I hate it so much that I want to punch-“

You interrupted YangYang with a kiss.

“My answer is yes.”

“You’re going to be my girlfriend?” He asked, hoping you would agree.

“No, I’ve never heard you ask that,” you crossed your arms, smiling at him playfully.

“You’re going to be my girlfriend because I said so~,” he almost sang that sentence, as he decided to make sure you were incapable to refuse by suddenly making you fall on your bed as he trapped your body under his.

“No, I’m not going to do it~,” you answered in the same tone, as you tried to flip him over, so that you could be on top of him.

But when he noticed what you were trying to do, he caught your wrist and kissed your lips deeply, making you forget everything else. In that moment you relaxed under his touch feeling safer than ever. You kissed him back with the same lust as his, as your fingers threaded through his fluffy hair. You continued passionately kissing each other for a few minutes, taking very short breaks to breathe, since you both missed each other’s lips too much to stay separated even for a few seconds that felt like an eternity for you.

But when you heard a knock on your door, YangYang quickly got off you and he sat on the bed innocently, as you followed his example. You quickly fixed his hair which was quite messy because you were running your fingers through it all the time.

“Y-you can come in,” you said with a voice that was a little distorted, while you were trying to normalize your heavy breathing.

When you said that, the door opened and your dad came in.

“Hi, Y/N. Here’s the iced tea,” he said, giving you the bottle of iced tea which you contentedly took from his hands and left on the ground. “YangYang, it’s great to see you again,” he smiled and YangYang smiled back. “Dinner is ready, so you can come downstairs,” your dad said and you nodded synchronously. Then he turned around and walked out the door, closing it.

YangYang got up from your bed as he gave you his hand, which you took. He kept holding your hand as you were walking down the stairs.

“I guess your parents are really going to have the best son-in-law,” YangYang said and as soon as you realized he was talking about himself, you hit his arm as you laughed.

You were finally truly happy again; you felt having YangYang by your side meant that nothing was impossible and all your dreams could come true, just like the seemingly unrealistic dream of having him back while you were longing for him all these years. It turns out your long wait was absolutely worth it and now that he was here with you again, you weren’t going to let him go.

[blackcherrykiss]

BLOOD BOUNDARIES - Enhypen OT7 Fanfic (ch.7)

[CH.1] [CH.2] [CH.3] [CH.4] [CH.5] [CH.6] previous chapters

[CH.8.] next chapter (unavailable, check back or follow for updates!)

You fell into a distrustful panic that night now that knew the screams of the woods were also where Jungwon and his friends lived. You weren't sure if you should be scared for those group of boys or be scared of them. You'd be lying to yourself if you tried to believe it was only a coincidence the boys had a place in the forest of violent cries.

You questioned your sanity, were they murderers? Was that their dirty secret?

Your conclusions were endlessly dark, repeating themselves countlessly. You had never wanted to sleep away your thoughts more than ever. Eventually, you got exhausted from your thoughts. It was mentally draining to try and tear apart the possibilities of the situation, you didn't have enough evidence to be so sure. You lay in a cold sweat as you drifted off into a deep but horrible sleep.

You dreamt in full awareness. The boys with blood spilling down their hands and onto their swan white clothes. A red mess everywhere on the cream walls of an orphanage that overflowed with rays of a full moon. Although you were scared of what you were witnessing, you could not wake up even if your life depended on it. It seemed as if the dream had sped up your sleep as you woke in what felt like a few seconds. Calmly, you awoke in the misty autumn morning in a crushed up pile of blankets. You sit up to peel your wispy curtains away from the window to get a good look at the dark forest that steamed with a muddy blue fog. All of the memories of Jungwon yelling at you for just being near the woods flooded your brain as you stared. This time you were determined to search deep into that forest and get to the bottom of its mysteries as it called out to you.

"Y/N I think you're going to be late for your first class." Nana knocked before bursting into your room in full uniform, not a wrinkle on her shirt.

"Y-you're already ready? What time is it?!" You glanced back and forth between your pyjamas and uniform that draped over a random stool as you were too lazy to fold nicely the night before.

"We didn't want to wake you... So we went ahead thinking you'd come down eventually." She yanked you out of bed, gripping your forearms tightly before backing out the door, "Don't be late! We promised we'd keep out of detention this year!"

Within a blink of an eye, you slip into your uniform, slinking your arms through the holes of your blouse and adjusting your legs to be cover by your ashy plaid skirt. With your bag and binder in hand, you sprinted across your campus to the gymnasium where you found yourself arriving, everyone already in the proper athletic attire.

"You're late."  Your health teacher grit her teeth in visible disappointment. Your teacher knew how unlike you it was to be late as your classmate's eyes followed your every movement.

"P-pardon me." You clawed your fingers through your bedhead, speeding to the change room, nervous she'd assign you detention.

You let out the deep breath you were holding in as you got into the empty locker room, frustrated at yourself for waking up so late. You can't help but feel upset that you let your thoughts get the best of you and ruin your perfect attendance. Truly you were ashamed but began to see no point in continuing to rush the pace at which your day was running.

The locker room door opens and you see Kyungeun peep herself inside, "Y/N? You alright?"

You pull your boxy shirt flat down, zipping and tying every spot on your tracksuit jacket, "Yeah, sorry rough morning..."

"No worries, I just said that I had to go to the bathroom but I really just wanted to check on you." She had a motherly sound to her voice which comforted your bad start to the day. Perhaps she was in a good enough mood for you to ask her briefly about her relationship with Sunghoon.

"Kyungeun, I think I need to just clear the air... I saw you with Sunghoon in the library." You tilted your head in regret as to whether or not you were starting off the conversation in the right direction.

"Y-you saw us???" Her face drained to an unrealistic hue, "Lord... Sunghoon will kill me if he finds out you know."

"Stop! What do you mean? He'll kill you? Is it because I know that you two are dating?"

"NO! Nevermind then!" She cut you off right after the question mark in your voice. She looked rather relieved at your response which could only mean their relationship was much different than you had presumed. "I just can't tell you about our relationship I'm s-sorry it's between just us two."

"So then it's okay for him to flirt with my roommate?"

"No? Are you serious right now ?!" Kyungeun panicked.

"So you are dating?" You gave a smug smile.

"It's not that..." She was visibly frustrated not being able to describe herself in words, "I'll tell you this, I'm bound to him..." She ran her index finger along the reddened gash on her neck  He's blackmailing me."

"So you're like his pet?" You held in your laughter, you knew you should be more serious but you had no other way of trying to help Kyungeun express the gist of her relationship.

"I'll tell you another day...  Let's just go before the teacher gets mad at you for taking so long to change."

...

After your class full of advanced leg exercises and mediocrely fun games, you got halted by your gym teacher, "Y/N can we speak about how tardy you were today?"

You got fearful of her sentencing you detention, freezing up from your heel upwards, "I'm so sorry, I just had a lot going on last night..."

"Sweetie, I know this is your first late in my class but unfortunately the school does not tolerate tardiness in the way I believe it should be." She tapped her chin a few times, "I have no other choice but to send you to detention but it'll just be a half-hour at lunch." You felt better that it wasn't for a full hour or two after school but you were still dreading the idea.

"Can't you just let me off the hook? I promise it'll never happen again" You pleaded desperately.

"I'm afraid I cannot... If the other teachers or students knew you didn't get sent to detention I could get into trouble for giving you 'special treatment'. I know you didn't mean to love but I cannot afford to lose my job so I'll see you then." She patted one of your shoulders, giving it a little squeeze to cheer you up.

"I understand..." You nod with your head that already hung low.

"It's in the English room down the hall, there is usually only a few students there. Some familiar faces."

...

That rest of your morning would only pull through faster as you got some weird anxiety over walking into the detention room. You could not concentrate at all in the class you had before lunch. You felt as if you were too good for the detention group of kids, but here you were about to join those you criticized. Karma.

"Make sure to answer the questions 8-16 on page 300, you have the rest of the class to do so. Any questions?" Your physics teacher stood with his hands balled up behind his back.

Realizing you had no physics book in your bag after triple checking, you shot your arm up in distress, "ME! I forgot my textbook today... I was in a rush this morning." You faked a polite laugh with the expectation your teacher would have a spare.

"I'm afraid I don't have an extra, anyone willing to share?" The teacher lifted his head to scan the class.

"I could share." Jaeyun winked making your face recoil

"Perfect! You'll probably have to move your stuff to his seat then." Your teacher suggested.

With a thick coat of disappointment, you pulled a chair up to Jaeyun's desk to which he kneed you annoyingly.

Within just a few seconds of settling down, you complained "How the hell am I supposed to write? There is no space... Desks are made for ONE person."

"Okay then don't use my textbook and fall behind" He sneered.

"Wait wait, I just had the greatest idea Jaeyun." He gave you puppy eyes when you said his name, "What if you look for half the answers I do the other half then exchange?" You whispered so the teacher could hear.

"I can't trust you make good answers though..." He jokingly sighed.

"HEY! Okay or work together for every question to get it done twice as fast? Oh wait but then I'll be the one carrying the team... Bummer..." You stretched the corners of your mouth until your lips disappeared.

"I honestly don't feel like doing work so lose-lose." He pouted and rolled his eyes.

"Same... I can't even focus, I'm having a rough morning..." You openly admitted, "I got sent to detention for being late in my first class."

"Detention? Didn't think you were the type." Jaeyun had an unexpectedly sweet giggle which contrasted with his lower tone voice, "Heeseung and Sunghoon get sent often, surprised they aren't kicked out of the school."

"They get sent often?!" Your voice rose to which you quickly quieted down to avoid trouble, "Will I see them there?"

"Why? Looking forward to going now?" Jaeyun whispered with a grin, causing you to scoff.

"As if..." A sudden idea coming to mind, "Say Jaeyun... About the party... Heard you guys have a place in the woods...?" You became aware that you could pry some information out of him that would help you when searching the woods that night.

"Yeah, we do... We don't normally tell people about it." He said casually yet still with some sort of caution.

"So why tell us then?"

"Haven't had any visitors in a while..." Jaeyun toyed with his mechanical pencil, using the plastic part to trace around his lips, "Awfully interested aren't you?" He seemed to have caught on to your intentions, shifting the mood of the conversation around in a full 180.

Suddenly the dream you had earlier slipped into mind, causing you to sit in growing discomfort, "What do you want from my friends and I?"

"Nothing sweetheart... We're more interested in you than your dormmates. You look like someone we know." He laughed like a psycho and it creeped you out how the two of you were just poking lighthearted jokes to something much darker and mysterious, "I know you're afraid of us, you know far more than most girls." His voice dropped to a whisper as he watched the teacher behind you to make sure he didn't see the both of you slacking.

"Kyungeun knows your secrets too she said she'll tell me."

"She's acting like we don't know her secrets." Jaeyun closed his textbook, "Y/N just remember this, Kyungeun is half as bad as we are and half as pure as you are."

"Alright class, that's it for today's class. This textbook assignment won't be due until Friday have a good lunch." The teacher interrupted, causing your conversation with Jaeyun to end on a hanging note.

"Good luck with detention."Jaeyun hushed in your ear.

_______________

p.s, i changed the cover lol don’t make fun of my photoshop skills!

[soldierallen]

Married. 13

Tagged @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandomsohmy @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace @racheo91 @gravedollie666 @inlovewith3 @supernaturaldean67 // if anyone wants to be untagged or tagged please leave a message ty♡ also I do not own any gifs or images of any kind.

Part 12:

Appearances; Alexandra Daddario, Chris Evans, Chase Crawford, Sebastian Stan.

Warnings: sexual themes, a bit smutty, fluff, blood? Idk if that’s a warning

Note: I’ lost the password to this account I lost my god damn mind and I gave up on my favorite story, the one that I’ve been wanting to tell this whole time the second to last chapter starts now❤️

Sebastian Stan x Reader

/

Christmas had passed so did new years, y/n's job was fantastic she was having the time of her life traveling across the country for interviews and really putting herself out there being a director for the paper it was amazing, oh wait you're wondering what happened to Alex and y/n?... oh right that part...

That night.

"I didn't mean to hit you in the face it was by mistake" Alex yelled, sebastian pulled y/n throughout the house to get her into the kitchen she slowly lifted herself up onto the counter whilst he looked at her nose blood gushing may I add droplets falling into the floor

"Alex what the fuck do you want?" Sebastian opened his freezer looking for something to ice her nose that was bleeding harshly, y/n's head tilted back slightly

"I wanted to talk to you, But she’s always here she’ll always take up your time that letter you wrote that wasn’t for me it was for her you lied to me... you never loved me it was all fake" she was crushed, both Sebastian and y/n rolled their eyes not believing her bullshit, but also y/n thought... what letter?

"how's this, how dare you think that it's okay to barge into someone's house uninvited and unwelcomed hit someone in the face with a door that LIVES here, oh should I also mentioned how you got her fired, broke her mentally and almost made me lose my relationship with her because of some "agreement" with money, Alex we talked about all of this and it never once came CLOSE to you apologzing to her, I never wanna see you again" he handed y/n a small bag of icey broccoli she laughed at the bag and put it on her nose extremely dizzy

"if that's what you want seb, i- I thought we meant more than that" she swallowed "I'll walk myself out", and with that she left

"That was first time I ever heard you defend me from her" her eyes got watery

“I’m sorry I never did, I’m never I never thought about your feelings or even thought about how you felt or what you was going through seeing you with Henry was enough for me to know that I wanted you she wasn’t the one who helped me all these years it’s always been you.." he kissed her head gently as she came off of the counter

"Seb, I love you" her heart stopped in her chest, and sebastian’s heart starting beating so loud I think the neighbors next door were able to hear it, he put his hands in his pocket.. He was spechless not able to configure words

"I didn't expect me to say those words with a broken nose a bloody floor and as your roommate... sebastian stan I love you and if you don’t love me that’s fine I’ll move out I’ll move to Alaska an-" he pulled her body closer to his, his hands leaving his pockets wrapping around her waist as he kissed her his other hand around her neck thumb caressing her cheek she was in awe, he pulled his lips away and her forehead touched his "I'm madly in love with you doll I want this to work let's make this work"

And after that night they went on their first date which was an absolute disaster from start to finish, starting off with y/n’s dress getting soaked from a pitcher of water spilling on her, Sebastian tripping over nothing and taking a bad tumble, to right before they got home the car breaking down it was just a mess.

It's been three months, everyone is friends again I mean y/n and Henry aren't too friendly but they talk when there in the same room together. Tonight should feel no different and it isn't but what y/n doesn't know is that sebastian's hiding something.

Pretty important might I add.

"I'm going to work extremely early tomorrow so I'll be home at like 6pm okay?" She was standing behind the couch as Sebastian was sitting he put both of his arms out behind him he brought her body closer to the back of the couch and himself they kissed upside down "I love you" her heart fluttered at his words "I love you too" he touched his sweatpants pocket and slowly stopped she went in her room closing the door and he groaned loudly into the pillow putting his hand in his pocket pulling out a velvety red box

"Just do it? What’s wrong with you" he looked at the engagement ring box he heard her bedroom door open again QUICKLY shoving it back in his pocket, "hey seb can you come to my bedroom” she yelled out from the other side of the door, he slowly walked to her door, when he pressed on the door revealing her room candles lit, she was sat on the edge of the bed dressed in a silk robe, a bra and panties he flirtatiously smirked at the sight of her "what do I owe the pleasure.." he asked pushing up the sleeves to his crewneck sweater, "I regretted your offering a few nights ago I told you I wasn't ready yet to start getting intimate like that" he nodded remembering crossing his arms over his chest clenching his jaw, "please forgive me" she untied her silk robe letting it fall to the floor seductively his breath hitched in his throat at the sight of her for the first time he was mesmerized by the shape of her body it didn't matter to him what she looked like the curves of her body or her petite figure he didn't care, she was his and he loved her.

"you're forgiven" we're the only words he could let out, he wanted to know every wrinkle, every freckle, every beauty mark, on her body he wanted to be a genius of the anatomy of her body, he got closer his hands finally finding her skin chills circulated all over her body as he got right behind her kissing her neck one arm creeping to her stomach her back pressed up against his front she felt the heat between her legs light a fire

as he gently unclasped her bra taking the shoulders down sensually his lips connecting once again with the skin between her neck and shoulder loving the feeling she reached over behind her touching him through his pants he felt a little hard which turned her on even more, the hand that was on her stomach slowly inching closer and closer toward her heat, she loved this teasing she just knew she would miss work tomorrow, "tell me if I should stop" he whispered so low she barely heard what he said, his hand found her heat rubbing circles teasing her so badly her body pressed up against his she stopped him turning around ripping his shirt off his body revealing his magnificent body his chain dangling her hands gently reached his waistband of his pants pulling them down as he stepped out of them, "this should be fun" he whispered finally their lips connecting the only thing keeping them apart were the underwear between the both of them, the teasing kept going which made things more interesting when finally they had enough with the foreplay.

"So how was I I haven’t been at it in some time” she said with a smirk he traced her skin with his fingertips loving the warmth her skin held

"phenomenal" he said in the lowest voice he sounded cheesy as hell she pushed off him which made the two laugh a lot they cuddled closely to each other a moment they never wanted to forget for as long as they lived..

That morning she got up got ready for work she picked up the clothes off the floor his sweatpants inside out she picked them up to fold them when something fell out of the pocket a red velvet box her eyes widened her skin was getting really hot, he was gonna propose??? Or he is? What- she quickly put the box back in his pants and threw them on the floor

"Y/n, mr Crawford needs to speak with you." His assistant came up to her at office “can’t he just call me men are useles Lucy” the assistant laughed walking out, she got up going to his office "chase if this is about me being late-" she was going to explain herself until he stopped her, "nope I have a job proposal” proposal that word it scared her to say the least... “I'm handing it over to you first if you don't want it I'm giving it to angie. Y/n I want you to take the duchan case." Chase said She was in shock "chase-" "you know how much you mean to me and this company you're the right women to take it I offered it to you first" "what do I tell Sebastian?" "If you take the offer? Well hi honey baby sweetheart I have to leave for the next 5 months to Brazil and I won't be back anytime soon and also I can't have any contact with you or anyone else for that matter just my boss" chase said with a laugh he clicked his pencil once he ended his sentence.

"Haha very funny," she rolled her eyes "listen can you give me two days?" He nodded standing up as did she "I need your answer by morning the second day alright kid" "yes sir" they hugged and she left, her relationship was very friendly with mr Crawford he didn't treat anyone in the company the way he treats y/n I guess because they get along so well. Y/n has a chance to leave the country and figure out a case and be a reporter something she'd never thought she would do, but she would lose seb..maybe even lose the proposal if she leaves

"Hey I'm home" she yelled as she took her keys from the lock, closing the door she felt a strange sensation come upon her like it wasn't sebastian in the house but someone else, her instincts kicked in she grabbed the stick for the fire place walking around the corner it was a women cleaning which startled the women that was cleaning she threw her rag in the air she was filled with fright, "miss I'm so sorry I thought mr stan told you I was coming in today" y/n huffed with relief "it's okay not to be rude but why did he call you to come in today?"

"He said a special occasion" she told y/n, she shrugged her shoulders what was sebastian's special occasion? Is he gonna propose???

"I never got your name?" Y/n said

"Margo" she reached out her hand for y/n to shake it and she did "um I guess carry on sorry for almost beating you to death" she laughed and the women did too she went into her bedroom and laid on the bed “what am I gonna tell him do” she was in panic mode what did she do when she panicked... “CHRIS come over” she said he laughed on the other line “what is it this time” he said “an emergency for your ears only mr Evans I am warning you”

It was an hour later Margo cleaned the entire house it was spotless... why did he ask her to come in?

“He’s gonna WHAT” he said

“YEAH I saw the box”

“did you see the ring?” He whispers

“no I wanted it to be a suprise! Now tell me what to do”

“Don’t take the job offer” Chris said “are you gonna elaborate or that’s it just don’t take the job” she was anxious

“you’ve wanted him your whole life and you have him now and you’re gonna give up on him for a job? There’s more to live than a job” Chris said “you’re right I just this is so good for me I’m scared that.. I’ll lose on this opportunity and I lose out on my seb” she wanted to bang her head into the wall

“Choose Sebastian or the job”

“Sebastian”

“Than you’ve made up your mind!”

“I want him Chris i always will but will he always want me like he does right now will he change his mind in 5 months will he decide he doesn’t love me after all, I have to think about these things because he makes promises and doesn’t keep them... I just hope I’m making the right choice” she said

“You are” he pulled her in and they hugged while they sat down, their legs up bodies close their heads on top of each other’s, they heard the door open “cheating on me already” Sebastian walked in with a laugh “yes kiss me” she said with her lips puckered he kissed her sweetly “hey Chris” they hugged “I guess I’m gonna go... good luck” he said grabbing his jacket and kissing her cheek “bye text me when you get home”, and he left Sebastian nowhere to be found

“Seb....seb....” she looked in the kitchen in the bathroom in their separate rooms where?.. oh the “backyard” he looked out into the skies some beautiful buildings “I have something to tell you” he said looking at and it at her, “what” she got closer closing the door behind her.. “I got offered a job..and I’m not gonna be here for a while” her heart broke “what...” “my boss told me I have no choice I have to take this job she can’t lose money on my account, baby” he turned towards her “ it’s in another country they want me to run one of our out of country offices for the next 5 months” she laughed, “I got offered a job today that I can take or leave they want me to report a story in Brazil for 5 months and I didn’t know if I should take it because of us..” he was amazed “baby a reporting job that’s amazing I’m so proud of you” he kissed her for a brief moment putting his hands on her shoulders rubbing them “tonight was suppose to go a lot different, this wasn’t suppose to be happening now” he fiddled his pocket pulling out a letter “hi beautiful, I’m writing you this letter cause god I miss you things haven’t been the same without you I haven’t been able to see you remember when we slow danced at dance rehearsal, when you helped me pick out the flowers for the wedding, I just want you to know that I love you and when the right times come they come. Seb x” he said as he read out the letter “she found the letter when she came home after a few days away thinking it was for her, I wrote this letter for you I wrote letters every time I missed you he pulled out three letters from his jacket pocket “I confessed my love for you in all four letters because I thought maybe you’ll reciprocate it one day I hope today is that day” he got down on one knee her heart was racing she pushed her hair out of her face to wipe her tears

“We’re going to be apart for 5 months I don’t think I can wait that long to marry you y/n so for gods sake y/n y/m y/l will you marry me so help me god you stay in my life for the rest of my life” he said with small tears pouring out of his eyes she hugged him so tight she was bawling her eyes out she kissed him a million times it felt like “I knew you didn’t even care about the ring” he laughed she didn’t even put the ring on she knew he loved her a ring didn’t mean anything

“Yes a million times yes” she couldn’t believe she was saying these words to Sebastian of all people she was saying yes to getting married to him she was engaged!

“Sebastian it’s so big!” She was amazed “you deserve it my fiancé” a smirk left his lips she loved hearing that word come out of his mouth “I might just rip your clothes off now” “is it cause I said my fiancé” she nodded kissing him once more “I’ll only be able to call you once a month for the 5 months I’m going to be gone” she said he nodded “me too” they both knew this was going to be a hard task however it’s happening to both them..

[trashwarden]

Can't Forget You

Most recent fic commission from ticklishivories (twitter)! Do commission Kathy if you have a chance (:

Dorian Pavus x Vaxus Trevelyan | Modern AU | (2387 words) | AO3

---

 Vaxus stares out the window with a dent in his brow and confusion souring his smile. The back of his head throbs where sutures were left in his scalp and he wants to scratch the itch underneath the bandage strapped to his temple and shoulder, but otherwise, he’s fine. Just frustrated.

           “I’m sorry I had to do that,” Dorian says again, “but they wouldn’t have let me pick you up otherwise.”

           “It’s alright,” Vax says quietly. He doesn’t know why he’s so upset that Dorian had to lie. It makes sense; roommate that happens to be best friend isn’t a sufficient title to be let in on a traumatic accident. There’s a lot of things that add up– no one else could pick him up, his sister is out of town, so unless he wanted to spend another night in the hospital Dorian had no choice but to lie. And yet something about it leaves Vax with an off taste.

           “You’re being unusually silent.” Dorian looks over his shoulder before he makes a right turn. Vax’s gaze lingers a little too long on the muscles in his forearm. “The surgeon said your memories would most likely return. There’s no need to be worried.”

           Vax knows that something is off about this; he feels that he should be comforting Dorian, not the other way around.

           A ring goes off, shrill and buzzing. Vax jumps a bit– Dorian reaches into the center console and pulls out a phone.

           “Hello, Val.”

           Val.

           “Oh!” Vax reaches for the phone, and Dorian leans away. “Let me talk to her.”

           “Keep calm, Vaxus! You still have a concussion.” He sighs, rolling his eyes. “Yes, that was him. Clearly a collision with a speeding delivery truck wasn’t enough to knock his zest out.”

           Vaxus sits back and folds his arms across his chest.

           “He’s pouting now. No, there was no trouble. They accepted the lie rather easily, actually.” Dorian goes quiet, then clears his throat. “Well, that’s your opinion, and you’re entitled to it. Anyways, I think he’ll be fine to use technology after he rests. I’ll make sure he calls you first thing in the morning.” He smiles. “It’s my pleasure. Please, don’t thank me. Your brother…he’s worth it.”

           Vaxus peers over at him, the ache in his chest drawing him away from the ache in his head for a moment. It’s deep and familiar, as if it’s grown roots in his body.

           He remembers things fleetingly; he remembers driving away, and being upset. What about? Maybe something to do with the man sitting next to him, whose strong profile makes him stomach flip, whose small, sad smile makes his heart twist painfully. It’s not true, they’re not boyfriends. Not only that, it was a clever lie and made things easier for everyone.

           But why does it hurt so badly?

           Dorian leads the way to their apartment, even going so far as to open the door for him. Vaxus shoves his hands into the pockets, watching Dorian turn on the lights and set his hospital bag and medicines down on the kitchen table. Something about the action of Dorian removing his coat makes Vaxus’ eyes linger longer than they should his shoulders, so he pulls his gaze away to walk towards the end of the hall where he assumes his room is.

           “Vaxus? You’re heading into my room!”

           Vaxus feels like he’s hanging off the edge of a merry-go-round.

           “I’m gonna puke,” he says, sure that Dorian can’t hear him from across the apartment, but in the time that he blinks Dorian is there, miraculously materialized, his warm hand on his back as he guides him to the bathroom.

           “You just need some rest,” Dorian says softly, soothing Vaxus’ anxious chills. “Right as rain by the morrow.”

           “God, your words.”

           “Hm?” Insecurity creeps into Dorian’s voice. “What about them? I know I can sound a bit pretentious sometimes but I truly don’t intend it, you know how it is at my job working around such arrogant–”

           “No, no. I like them.”

           “My coworkers?”

           “No, your words.” Vaxus waves his hand in the air flippantly. “Your elegance is charming. And your shyness about it is cute.”

           “O-Oh. Well…”

           But Dorian has no quip for that, even though Vaxus waits for it, standing slumped in the dark hallway with his hand on his back while trying to breathe deeply and evenly. He has a feeling that what he said was daring, overstepping some sort of unspoken boundary, but he doesn’t care anymore. Whatever stupid justification he made for himself to not flirt with Dorian was completely wrecked with the rest of him in the car accident.

           And why the hell wouldn’t he flirt with this man? This sexy, easily embarrassed man who he’s lucky enough to have as a roommate and best friend?

           Dorian carefully removes his hand. He stands straight and backs away, pointing towards the restroom. “The washroom is here, incase you’d forgotten that.”

           Vaxus stares at him, dead-eyed.

           “Right. Holler if you need anything. I’ll be…cooking. Something.”

           “Cooking what?”

           “Like it matters! People who’ve been in car accidents shouldn’t be sassing so much!”

           He stomps off, and Vaxus can’t help but laugh, even if his head pounds.

Vaxus sleeps until late in the afternoon the next day. When he wakes, a glass of water with a slice of lemon is waiting for him on his nightstand. He gulps it down greedily, wipes at his mouth, and pushes himself out of the bed.

           He needs a shower, urgently.

           The hot water soothes his head. He touches his bandages and realizes they’ve been replaced; he peels them off, wondering if he asks sweetly if Dorian would replace them while he’s awake.

           The thought of Dorian’s hands on his head makes the little blood he has left shoot straight down. He groans, not having the energy to take care of it this time.

           …This time?

           A fragment slides into place– of many other showers, and many other times he’s told himself he can’t, shouldn’t, touch himself after thinking of Dorian.

           And all the times he did anyway, unable to look at Dorian afterwards.

           This is wrong. Dorian is gay, his best friend, and Vaxus is–

           Very obviously into him.

           But he’s basically lied to Dorian about himself. How many times has he had to tell some story about a girl he’s met at a made up bar, just to cover up all the hours he’s spent thinking about taking Dorian out for a drink?

           This is stupid. If he gets into another accident, he won’t have the chance to tell his best friend what he really thinks.

           “Dammit,” he curses under his breath, and wonders how long he can stand under the spray before he turns into a giant prune. Vaxus shakes his head until everything inside it is thoroughly rattled, then soaps and rinses himself off.

           Dorian is sitting on the couch reading when Vaxus emerges. When he looks up from his book, Vaxus has the pleasure of seeing a blush rise like a thermometer from his neck to his ears and all the way to the top of his head.

           Probably because the only thing maintaining his modesty is the towel clinging to his waist, but who knows?

           “Hey,” Vaxus says, unable to stop his smirk from growing. Dorian nods, visibly having to pull his eyes away from his wet abs and down to his book. Vax approaches him. “What are you reading?”

           “Just…a romance.” Dorian clears his throat. “Quite silly, but fun.”

           It’s strange that he doesn’t elaborate more; Dorian’s always loved gushing about new reading material. Vaxus decides to change the topic. “Um,” he continues, his heart beat quickening. “We need to talk about something.”

           “Hm?” Dorian doesn’t look away from his book. But his voice is higher pitched than usual, as if it were gliding atop a thinly frozen lake. “And what would that be?”

           Vaxus lets out a long breath. He braces himself. “Uh, I don’t remember much. Surrounding the accident.”

           Dorian goes still.

           “But I remember that I’ve been avoiding you.”

           He approaches the couch, sitting down slowly enough that Dorian has no choice but to look at him. Vaxus touches his knee, and Dorian’s eyes lock on it.

           “I haven’t been honest about something.”

           “No,” Dorian whispers. “No,” louder. “I don’t think you’re in the correct state of mind.”

           “I think the accident finally shook something straight inside my head.” Vaxus laughs at the accidental pun, but he can tell Dorian doesn’t find it funny at all. He’s leaning away, sinking back against the couch. Vaxus’ hand slides an inch up his thigh– barely any movement, but enormously significant. His heart thunders in his chest. “Dorian…”

           “Wait, hold on a moment–”

           “I was so disappointed when I found out we weren’t an item,” he continues, “and I had no idea why, but I do now.”

           “Vax…”

           “I really feel like this was meant to happen. Even though it was a lie, those few moments where I believed we were together…felt right.”

           Dorian is staring at him, wide-eyed, backing away. Vax’s heart sinks. It hits him what he’s doing; pushing his best friend down with his barely clothed body, literally trapping him against the couch. He retracts his hand, standing up as his cheeks flood with heat.

           “S…Sorry.” His hand won’t stop tingling, so he pushes it through his wet hair. “I’ll put some clothes on.”

           “Vaxus,” Dorian sighs. More than tired, he sounds…sad. Vaxus’ heart cracks as he looks at him. “Maybe you should rest some more. What you went through was traumatic. You wouldn’t…” He shakes his head slowly, as if resigned. “You wouldn’t be saying these things if you knew everything.”

           There are gaps in Vaxus’ memories. He doesn’t know what lead to the accident, or anything before Dorian picked him up from the hospital, but he does know that whatever stupid reason he was keeping his secret from Dorian never mattered to begin with.

           A tension lingers in the air throughout the day and into the evening. It’s familiar in a way that makes Vaxus feel cold all over, like a premonition. He changes his own bandages in the bathroom, hissing as he reveals the blackened stitches and bruises along his shoulders and arms. His eyes are red.

           He remembers something– Dorian’s red eyes, withholding tears, as he told Vaxus that he couldn’t live with him anymore.

           “Oh,” Vax says aloud. He clutches his chest as a wave of nausea rolls through him.

           His head pounds. Memories flood into him and he gasps as if drowning.

           The yelling. The tears. The begging– who’s begging?

           Stay. Don’t go.

           Dorian wanted to leave. He said he couldn’t take it anymore, but never said why. Vaxus had needled him to the point of shouting, until–

           He left the apartment–

           He’d been so hurt, so distracted–

           And then the accident.

           “Dammit,” he curses, holding his head as he leans over the sink.

           “Vax?” Dorian’s voice comes through the other side of the bathroom door. “Everything all right in there?”

           Vaxus takes a deep breath.

           “Yes,” he says. “I’m fine.”

           “The phrase ‘I’m fine’ has never been uttered in total honesty in history, Vaxus.”

           Actually, fine is an understatement; he hasn’t felt better than he’s felt in days. Maybe even weeks. “My stitches hurt, is all.”

           Dorian tsks, then opens the door, surprising Vaxus. He’s in his night clothes, smelling of mint, and Vaxus’ heart skips a beat.

           “Let me see.”

           Dorian takes up the bandages from the counter and grabs Vaxus’ arm, directing him to sit on the toilet as he takes his head in his hands and inspects the stitches. Vaxus feels himself flushing and keeps his eyes down, painfully aware that he’s shirtless.

           Dorian’s hands are warm and gentle. He delicately dabs a soaked cotton ball onto the wounds, his fingers sifting through his waves of hair and pushing the strands away. His eyes are focused, lips pursed in concentration, and Vaxus has a desperate need to kiss him.

           He’s in too deep. Can’t turn back.

           Can’t lie to himself about this anymore.

           “I’m sorry,” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth.

           Dorian doesn’t stop touching him. “For what?”

           “The fight.”

           Now, he slows.

           “You wanted to move out, and I acted so...childish.” He closes his eyes. “I made things harder for you.”

           Dorian’s palm holds the side of his head. “Yes, you did. But,” he sighs, “not for the reasons you think.”

           Vaxus looks up. Dorian is gazing at him, smiling, but his grey eyes shine with sadness.

           “You said things earlier today that I’ve only dreamed of hearing,” he whispers. “And that’s all I was sure they ever would be. I couldn’t…I couldn’t bear to live here anymore. Not with you.”

           Vaxus places his hand over Dorian’s.

           “I wanted to move on. Towards you, I’ve been…for so long–”

           Vaxus fills in the gaps. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, heartbroken.

           “I don’t want to hear an apology from you.”

           “No, Dorian.” Vaxus leans up, bringing their foreheads together. “I’m sorry…for not telling you. For making you wait.”

           Dorian’s voice trembles. “The accident, your head– you’re not in the right state–”

           “I’ve never been clearer,” Vaxus says firmly, and waits until Dorian slides his eyes open and looks at him, before kissing his lips. Dorian gasps softly. “Believe me.”

           There’s so much hurt in Dorian’s gaze, so much hesitance in his touch. But there’s hope, too, and Vaxus pours into his kisses all the feelings he’d been withholding, the thoughts he’d been too afraid to think, and hopes that Dorian can trust him with all that he’s giving.

           Dorian’s sigh is more of a whimper. When both his hands come up to cradle Vaxus’ head, Vaxus pulls back.

           “Ouch,” he grimaces.

           “O-Oh! Did I touch something I–”

           “Yeah, just a bruise–”

           “I’m so sorry, let me finish bandaging this–”

           Dorian’s face is redder than a ripe tomato’s. Vaxus laughs, not caring about the pain in his head at all. He laughs and laughs, holding Dorian around his waist as he finishes wrapping the bandages.

           They’d talk more about it later. For now, he’s more than happy to just listen to Dorian’s fast, happy heart.