#and i blame myself
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good morning, I'm feeling very self destructive again :/
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I need to talk about this because it's making me feel insane.
Last week, my white leftist goyisch friends sat me, a wholeass antizionist Jew, down for a "talk" because they "needed to check in about Palestine" and make sure "our values aligned before we hung out again". They apparently needed to "suss out" where I stood on Palestinian rights, despite having had several conversations about Palestine and them being some of my closest friends. They needed to check, to search for and uncover my true values, because I had said some "disturbing things" that had made them "suspicious".
Disturbing things included:
Supporting IfNotNow which is a "liberal zionist organization" because it normalizes Jewish heritage in the Levant
Not bringing Palestine up enough, despite them also not bringing it up (this was apparently a test)
Mentioning that the Houthi's flag talks about cursing all Jews
Saying Stalin was antisemitic because of the "all the paw-grihms"
...and apparently other things they wouldn't specify, but had been tracking for months.
To clarify, I am an antizionist Jew from three generations of antizionist Jews. I have been vocal in my support of Palestinian liberation and in my condemnation both of Israel's actions and its violent founding as a state, and of zionism in many of its forms. I am a regular donor to Palestinian and Jewish NGOs and advocate for Jewish antizionism in person, at temple, and online. I have been talking about Palestinian liberation before they could point to Gaza on a map. But they needed to make sure, they needed to "suss out", they needed to check. And it's notable that the majority of moments that made them suspicious of me were times where I talked about antisemitism: not about Palestinian liberation, not about Israeli decolonization, not about anything actually relevant to Palestine. It was talking about antisemitism that made them check to see if I was a cryptozionist.
One of the most pervasive and insidious forms of antisemitism is the idea that Jews are inherently untrustworthy and suspicious. You have to constantly be on guard, track what they say and do, "suss out" the real truth. You have to keep them in line and and watch them carefully because they're liars and sneaks, and if you're not looking closely they'll return to their real values (and drag you down with them). This is where the idea of "cryptozionist" comes from and what it's directly building off of: the inherent untrustworthiness of Jews and the need to check. Because no matter how close you become you can't actually trust them, and any upstanding gentile should make sure to avoid associating with Jews before "sussing out" their real allegiances and intentions. You have to make them turn out their pockets, just in case.
I'm the first and only Jew they actually were friends with; I know because they've told me (strangely proud of it in the way white Americans are proud of that kind of thing). They've asked me questions about Judaism and fawned over how beautiful and unique it was for me to be connected to my community and culture. Pre-October 7th, one of them had even mentioned being interested in coming to services at my temple. She still has my copy of our siddur. But now she needed to "check" before she could be seen with me in public. Which is what it was: it wasn't a "you're my friend and I need to give you some feedback because you're fucking up" kind of intervention (which is normal and important to have), it was a trial. It was a last chance for me to prove to them that I'm clean-enough that they could afford to risk being seen with me in public, just in case someone noticed them fraternizing with a hypothetical Enemy and their leftism was compromised. It was a test to make sure that I behave properly when required to, that I'd play along and do what I'm told and turn out my pockets if asked (because any refusal would validate the notion of having something to hide). And above all it was an opportunity for them to reaffirm their own cleanliness by putting my imagined immorality in its place.
I did what I needed to do: I smiled. I apologized. I "didn't know that". I "appreciated the feedback". I turned out my pockets because what else could I do? They'd decided who I was and what I believed, regardless of what I said or did, so there was no point in explaining that they were wrong about me. If I had told them they were being antisemitic, it would just have been proof that they were right. Caring about antisemitism is a dogwhistle in the spaces they've chosen: it's not a real form of oppression, it's a tactic for sneaky, lying Jews to weasel out of admitting their true alliances. There was nothing I could say.
Nothing's really changed for me. I'm going to continue my activism for Palestinian liberation rooted in my culture and my faith. Antizionism is still not antisemitism. But I got a reminder that many white goyisch leftists fundamentally just don't trust Jews, and that the activist spaces they're in not only exacerbate their antisemitism in an increasingly insular echo chamber, but also allow them to finally vent their internalized bigotry in a socially-acceptable way. In my former friends' eyes, what they did was activism—disavowing a Jew (and making me feel humiliated, scared, and unclean in the process) as a cathartic stand-in for doing fucking anything for actual Palestinian liberation—but for me it was a grief that I'll be feeling for a long time: not only over losing friends I loved and trusted, but also over my sense of belonging and security in leftist spaces.
#jumblr#I need to talk about this because I feel like I'm losing it a little#its incredibly disconcerting to have this come out of nowhere from people I trusted and it's hard to not blame myself somehow#antizionism#antizionist jew#judaism#jewish#jew#jewblr#leftist#leftism#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#Palestine#Israel#again to reiterate: I am just as committed to Palestinian liberation as ever and antizionism is still not antisemitism#but fuck do some leftists put in the legwork to making it seem like it is huh#free Palestine
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realizing people care about you a lot is emotionally taxing okay!!
(it really really loves the blanket)
#my murderbot fixation is coming back... beginning to think it will never ever leave#also blame the months long radio silence on college#every day i fight with myself to be a good student#the murderbot diaries#tmbd#murderbot
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"NOW BREAK"
this was WAY funnier in my head...
#Hatchetfield#this was not a popular one with some of the peeps#dont know if i wanna add the rest of the tags#if you don't full get whats happening im sorry i only have myself to blame kahaha#its funny to me i think thats what really matters#post upload mind tells me what could have fixed this for Me would have been him saying ‘’Gear shift’’
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i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.
it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.
at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.
even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.
when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.
the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.
you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?
and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?
and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."
how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.
i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.
i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?
#spilled ink#warm up#tbh more of a diary than a poem#i need to write this stuff down bc my ptsd likes to forget trauma pretty much WHILE it's happening#and any time i find myself making it ''my fault'' again i have to walk myself through the grounding steps#it's so hard to describe emotional abuse. bc it's so fucking easy to get sucked into#like. you're an empathetic person. so when ur partner comes to you after a nasty fight and is like#“i really was trying to get my feelings heard and you didn't hear me last night” you're like - okay you know what#i'll do the right thing. this is my fault. let me take accountability and try to empathize and talk things out.#with the assumption that later - it'll be ''your turn'' right. you'll be able to bring up the screaming and talk about how#you BOTH need to make a safe space for each other. that you can't listen if your partner is literally shouting at you.#since YOU reflect and grow and try to be a better partner. you assume SHE will be doing the same thing.#but it is never your turn. she will never bring up the screaming. you cannot tell if she LEGIT just doesn't feel culpable.#and when u bring it up. she says ''so i deserved you talking to me badly? <- this doesn't go well.#she says you're blaming her. she doesn't understand that arguments are ''two sides and the truth''. it's that 1 person is right and 1 isn't#so u try to talk it out. get both perspectives heard. but over time it just becomes easier to let her get her rant out and shut up about u#until one day you wake up and despite months of treating you terribly - and admitting it 3 weeks ago!!! - she's now saying...#you were always terrible . you were always the issue. she never got her feelings heard.#meanwhile you remember literally MONTHS of supporting her and listening to her and silencing yourself.#and bc she TRAINED you to accept fault ... you just say sorry. you feel insane. you feel incredibly unhinged.#meanwhile. i fully am the kind of person that will reflect. come back after a fight. apologize before you ask. say things like#“i see your side now and i was wrong about this/that/the other thing.” ...... this is EMOTIONAL MATURITY.#she literally started calling it ''mindgames'' and ''flip flopping." ........#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#<- girl who def was emotionally abused but also doesn't really understand that yet#anyway love u get OUT OF THERE IF YOU RELATE BYE!!!!
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2011 and 2025
#artists on tumblr#sketch#illustration#I figured out that I lost my ability to write and create more interesting plots was because of ptsd ☹️#I always blamed myself for lack of talent and creativity and my path was like I tried to ruin the brick wall by my head#I wander if I could be more successful just because I got the nessesary support at right time...#dragon age#dragon age2#anders#I know many people don't like this character#but we collected almost the same traumas 🫠 His story strangely felt like supportive. At least I wasn't alone
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Playing With Fire - Sebastian Sallow x Female!Reader
Summary: “Maybe we should forget about waiting for the wedding. Maybe I should plant my seed early. Right here,” his rough, possessive fingers pressed down harder, making you quake violently. “That way everyone will know who you belong to.”
Alternatively summarized as you try getting Sebastian's undivided attention by making him jealous, but he doesn't take too kindly to your methods...
Word Count: 3.5k
Warnings: 18+, aged up characters, Auror!Sebastian Sallow, Unspeakable!MC, explicit sexual content, possessive behavior, breeding kink, rough sex, voyeurism
Ahem... whatever this is, it's up on Ao3
There was no mistaking the murderous glint in Sebastian’s eyes as he dragged you through the hallway towards his office. Some Ministry workers stared, their eyes wide with alarm as the Auror manhandled you along behind him. Others whispered, because it wasn’t everyday that an Unspeakable such as yourself found themselves being bullied so brazenly. Everyone could see clear as day that something was going on between the two of you.
But no one dared to move. No one wanted to risk piercing the suffocating silence that emanated from Sebastian. His pounding footsteps were louder than any verbal form of fury, anyway.
It didn’t surprise you that he was acting like this. What he had seen you and your colleague discussing was important; top secret, official Ministry business that you were sworn to keep secret. Any information pertaining to the Veil in the Death Chamber was strictly prohibited from being reiterated outside of the Department of Mysteries. So when your fiancé had walked into the main hall of your workplace and spotted you and a coworker hunched over a table together– shoulder to shoulder and murmuring in low voices– of course his first reaction had been to get territorial.
This was Sebastian Sallow, after all. He had never been the sharing sort, especially not when it came to you.
You and your colleague clamming up upon his arrival probably hadn’t helped you look any less guilty, but that was what you’d been counting on. Besides, what choice did you have? The topic of discussion was classified. Your fiancé of six months knew that you weren’t at liberty to discuss your work– not like he could as an Auror.
Still, that hadn’t stopped him from wordlessly yanking you away from your poor, terrified associate. Sebastian hadn’t made a noise the entire time he hauled you behind him through the Ministry towards the Auror offices.
The door plaque with his name on it glinted mockingly as the man shoved it open, pulling you inside quickly before shutting it with a resounding boom. Before you could so much as blink, Sebastian had you shoved against his desk, pulling a gasp from your throat and sending a litany of parchment and other trinkets clattering to the ground. He didn’t so much as glance at the mess.
No, he was too busy glaring at you as he peeled his coat from his shoulders. The attire was thrown harshly atop a small, cushiony chair in the corner of the room as if it had offended him somehow, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything about it. You were too busy analyzing the fire blazing in his dark, penetrating eyes. You had lit it, and you were now faced with taking the brunt of the heat.
“What the hell was that?” Sebastian’s voice was gruff when he finally spoke, leaning forward to pin your hips to the desk with his own. “Since when did Unspeakables work so closely together with one another?”
“Sebastian, it was nothing. We were just discussing our findings–”
His face ducked lower so it was directly beside your ear, his warm breath fanning across your skin as his fingers dug into the curve of your waist. “Does ‘discussing findings’ have to be done in another man’s lap, or did I miss that addendum in my letter of employment? You were practically inside of him.”
You inhaled sharply when Sebastian’s blunt nails raked up your sides, pulling your tucked shirt out of your skirt. “It was just work. You know I can’t talk about it with you–”
“Maybe you should,” he growled, pulling back to grip your chin and force you to look at him. “Maybe I need to know what warrants such familiarity amongst Unspeakables. Did you want me to catch you like that? Were you secretly hoping that I would walk in and find you cozying up to some random man that wasn’t me?”
“No! Of course not– you’re blowing this out of proportion!”
“Am I?” He leaned down again, brushing his lips against your jaw before his mouth curved up into a wicked smile. “I’m your fiancé. I’m the one you said yes to when I asked you to marry me. I’m the only man you should ever let get that close to you. Or do you not agree?”
“Of course I agree, but I can’t help what happens when I’m at work–”
Your excuses were silenced by Sebastian’s teeth suddenly clamping down on your earlobe, a startled hiss bursting from you before you could stop it. “Liar,” he whispered. “There’s this thing called professionalism. You could tell your colleague,” he spat the word venomously, his grip on your waist tightening, “that it’s inappropriate to discuss your findings so close together. You could remind the oaf that you’re engaged– that he doesn’t stand a chance with you, and that he should quit while he’s ahead.”
Sebastian shifted his hips back and gave himself space to begin undoing the buttons of your blouse, his hands moving startlingly fast over the clasps. You hardly had the time nor the ability to stop him– not with how turned on you found yourself becoming. Some might say the man you were in love with was overbearing and possessive, and they would be right… but those facets of Sebastian’s character were parts of him that you relished in.
Which was exactly why you had made sure to set the scene he had walked in on perfectly.
You’d known your fiancé was coming to pick you up for your lunch break since he had been so busy with work recently. He had promised you last night that he would make his recent absence up to you at the first opportunity, but a lunch date wasn’t exactly what you’d had in mind. You had been hoping for this exact scenario the moment the two of you made it home in the evening.
Sebastian forgoing waiting and dragging you to his office, though? That hadn’t been expected. He wasn’t even going to bother with waiting to stake his claim on you.
And despite your nosy, fellow employees lurking around outside the door, you liked that he wasn’t waiting. A lot.
You glanced down at your chest once Sebastian had yanked your blouse over your shoulders, discarding the attire over his shoulder roughly. He ripped your brassiere away next, instantly kneading one of your breasts in his large hand with dizzying possession. “Look at me,” he hissed, the authority in his voice compelling you to listen. Through your lashes, you could see the heady flush creeping across his cheeks as he stared down at you, his ruddy skin a byproduct of lust and rage. “Say it. Tell me who you belong to.”
You didn’t hesitate for a second before whispering, “You, Sebastian…”
Your voice trembled meekly, your eyes fixed on his as you tried to play innocent in the face of his wrath. But he saw right through your ruse– he always did.
“Tell me the truth, darling.” Sebastian demanded, his tone smokey and icy all at once. “You knew what you were doing back there, didn’t you?”
That devilish smirk reserved solely for you appeared on his face– the one that promised ruin and domination. He knew you had planned for this. He was well aware that you had been upset with him for prioritizing work for the last two weeks. You had told him as much time and time again, but there was little either one of you could do about it. The Ministry demanded much from its two prize workers; when duty called, you both answered at the drop of a hat. It was an unfortunate side-effect of being the Hero of Hogwarts and the youngest Auror to ever be assigned his own team.
Sebastian knew you as well as you knew him. He could read you like a book– was intimately familiar with the way your brain worked. Your shoddy attempt at appearing demure wouldn’t work on him.
His impatience was made palpable when he pinched the peak of your breast between his index finger and thumb, wringing a whine from your throat that you struggled to keep quiet. “Y-Yes,” you finally answered, your voice catching. “Yes, I knew what I was doing.”
“You like to play dangerous games, darling. Is this what you wanted? You wanted me pissed enough to ruin you here with all these people around?”
No. You had hoped for your bold actions to result in Sebastian stewing in jealousy for the entire day, then driving him to ignore his office at home to give you some attention. The plan had been for this exact situation to transpire in the comfort of your own house. Not here. Not while the two of you were at work. “Not… exactly…” you croaked.
He chuckled darkly, releasing your breast and your waist to free his cock from the confines of his trousers. The full length of him was already at play– the tip leaking violently and bulging veins conveying his excitement well enough. He reached up to shove at your shoulder, guiding you back against the desk quickly and mercilessly, “Yeah, I’m sure you thought you had it all figured out, huh? Too bad I can guess every move of yours before you make it.”
His cock glistened in the office light as he gathered the fabric of your skirt into a messy heap below your navel, holding it there as he slapped his length against your wet folds. “So don’t argue with me when I give you exactly what you wanted, darling.”
The blunt head pressed against your dripping entrance, the pressure driving your heart into your throat as you stared up at Sebastian with wide eyes. He flashed you another sinful smirk before shifting forward, driving the entirety of his length inside of you in one fluid motion.
You gasped– no, cried his name as he breached you. It was so sudden. So deep, so thick, so overwhelming, that your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you struggled to adjust to the abrupt intrusion. The sound of your voice would likely carry. The people milling about outside of Sebastian’s office could probably hear you, and maybe some of them were even listening in considering the spectacle they had witnessed leading up to this moment.
But you didn’t care. You couldn’t care. All you could focus on was the feeling of his cock stretching you open after two long weeks of forced celibacy, and you loved it.
Your walls fluttered and clamped down on him, wringing a groan from Sebatian’s throat that intermingled with your panted breathing. “So tight…” he groaned, hunching over you as he planted both of his hands on either side of your waist. “You like this, don’t you, love? Making me watch you fawn over some other bloke just so you could end up under me, stuffed full of my cock?”
Your eyes were half-lidded when you met his unwavering stare, your lips parted around shaky exhales and soft mewls. Then you nodded, no longer interested in trying to uphold your innocent facade. “Yes…”
Sebastian’s eyes flashed, and then he was straightening his spine so he could lend his full strength to his movements. The first jerk of his hips had his cock punching into you so roughly that you cried out again, and you felt his nails bite into your skin in response to the sound. “No one could ever have you like this,” he grunted in-between thrusts, raking his fingers down your sides and leaving angry, red welts in their wake. “No one could ever fuck you the way I do. Isn’t that right? Tell me.”
“Yes,” you gasped, your back arching off the desk when you felt him plant his thumb against your clit, circling the nub rapidly as he pounded into you. “Only you– there’s only you, Sebastian.”
“Damn right there’s only me,” he echoed wickedly, his lust-dark eyes narrowing at you as he watched you writhe around atop the wood. Pleased with your confession, he angled his hips just so, aiming for the area inside of you that he never failed to find with stunning proficiency. It didn’t take long– barely half a second– and then your body began to tremble in response to his assault on that magic spot. The head of his cock kissed against it over and over, and coupled with his unrelenting attention on your bundle of nerves, you felt tension take root deep in your gut. “You’re mine, darling. There’s a band on your finger that proves it.”
Your moans turned high-pitched, and your fingers dug into the wood of the desk as you desperately tried to ground yourself. “S-Sebastian– fuck– I can’t–”
The lone hand on your waist shifted so it was splayed across your lower stomach. Sebastian grinned maniacally as he applied a careful amount of pressure there, forcing you to feel every inch of his cock as he hammered into your cunt with feral intention. It knocked the air clean from your lungs– your breathless gasps of his name suddenly quiet enough that you knew he was the only one who could hear them.
“Maybe we should forget about waiting for the wedding. Maybe I should plant my seed early. Right here,” his rough, possessive fingers pressed down harder, making you quake violently. “That way everyone will know who you belong to.”
Fuck– it was too much. His dirty, shameless talking, the brutal thrusts against the deepest parts of you, his thumb moving ceaselessly over your clit. It was overwhelming– all of it threatening to send you careening over the edge even though you didn’t want a second of the euphoria to end.
Sebastian’s nails dug into your skin– right above where he knew your womb was– branding you with crescent shaped imprints that made your stomach lurch with arousal. You weren’t walking out of here without marks, that was for certain. Markings from the man you were set to marry would litter your flesh for days to come, and that thought made the tension in your gut amplify tenfold.
“S-Sebastian,” you whimpered, lifting a shaky hand to grasp the one he had splayed against your stomach. “I– I love you, I’m sorry– I love you–”
He groaned when your walls fluttered around his cock. It was as though your body was trying to swallow him deeper– sucking him in further as you neared your blissful precipice. “You can’t do that anymore, darling,” he leaned down, capturing your lips with his briefly before biting down on your bottom lip. “No more taunting me like that. No more.”
You nodded helplessly beneath him as he rammed his hips into you for emphasis, tears of pent-up pleasure quickly welling in your eyes. “I won’t. I promise, I won’t– please, I’m so close–”
Sebastian’s thumb pressed harder against your clit, circling the nub too fast and too firmly for you to think straight. Your legs kicked out on either side of him at the overstimulation, your voice falling off into a sharp, strung out sob as you continued to plead brainlessly.
“Please, Gods, please–”
His lips were directly against your ear when he growled, “Go on, love. Come for me. I want you drooling and crying– too full of me to even fucking walk.”
Sebastian never relented as you crept closer to the brink. His thrusts turned brutish, faster, and more unforgiving as he furiously worked his thumb over your bundle of nerves. The animalistic grunts he let loose were laced with a tangible hunger that finally caused the knot in your stomach to snap.
And it snapped hard.
All at once, your body seized. Your back arched off the desk and pressed against his chest, a ragged moan ripping from your throat and echoing throughout the room so loudly that it left little room for interpretation to any listeners outside. Your walls clamped down on his cock like a vice– your cunt milking his length as though it never wanted to let him go. Your fluids soaked his trousers as your thighs trembled, wave after wave of pleasure washing over you and leaving you a boneless, twitching mass atop the desk. It was utter rapture.
But Sebastian didn’t stop.
“So fucking perfect,” he growled, his breath hot against your cheek before he stood straight again. “But I’m not done yet.”
His ferocious pace never wavered as he resumed his earlier upright position; one hand on your stomach and the other maddeningly focused on your clit. Sebastian kept pounding into you, letting you ride out your climax while forcing your body into another, knocking the wind from you with such fervor that it bordered on cruel. Your hips twitched in a feeble attempt to escape the overstimulation, but the hand on your lower midriff kept you firmly in place.
“S-Sebastian, wait,” you whined, squeezing your eyes shut against the persisting pleasure he bestowed upon you. “I-It’s too much–”
“You’ll be fine. You wanted this, remember?” He slammed into you again, laughing breathily when you dug your nails into the top of his hand. “I’m just giving you what you indirectly asked for, darling.”
Merlin– you had bitten off way more than you could chew.
You sobbed, the sound laced with both pain and pleasure as your body went limp beneath him. Overly sensitive. Helpless. He was going to make you regret goading him into such a frenzy.
The sordid sound of Sebastian’s hips slapping against your wet cunt was sloppy. His finger moved in every direction over your clit, the slickness covering every inch of your lower half making the pad of his thumb slide all too easily around the nub. Every time he made direct contact with it, you jolted. Senseless noises fell from your lips as you were brought to orgasm once again, more evidence of your arousal gushing around Sebastian’s cock and staining his clothes, but he hardly paid it any mind.
Evidently he had more pressing matters to focus on.
His head tipped forward, a guttural moan tearing from his throat and reverberating through you as he endured your walls tightening around him. It was like nothing could throw him off, his tempo withstanding the feeling of your body sucking him in greedily, the force of his thrusts causing your shoulder blades to scrape against the wood of the desk. Mussed strands of his hair fell into his eyes when he looked back at you, his pupils blown wide, and his lips parted around a telling gasp of your name.
After what seemed like an eternity of brutal overstimulation, Sebastian slammed home deep before finally stilling. He buried himself in your cunt all the way to the hilt as he panted hard, pressing down against your stomach with enough force that you groaned– and you were certain he could feel himself emptying his load inside of you. At least, you certainly could. The hot spurts of his seed scorched you all the way to your core before it started to seep out and drip onto the floor. The sound of it escaping your ravaged center prompted Sebastian to grind against you– trapping his oozing spend in your body with his own.
How the hell were you supposed to go back to work after this?
The feeling of his fingers ghosting over your cheekbone pulled your heavy eyelids apart, and you were met with your fiancé drinking in the sight of your fucked-out expression with sinful male satisfaction etched across his face. His gaze flicked down towards your left hand, and he gingerly lifted it towards his lips to kiss the diamond studded gold band around your ring finger. All you could bring yourself to do was hum questioningly, your mind still too frazzled to form a proper sentence.
“I think we need to recall the wedding invitations we sent out…”
That snapped you out of your post-coital stupor quicker than a lightning strike. What did he mean, recall?
Surely he wasn’t implying he wanted to cancel it.
Had you fucked up worse than you’d imagined by taunting him? Was he calling off the wedding? Had your selfish urge to get his attention ruined your future with him before it had even started? Your eyes went wider than saucers, and your voice was tight when you croaked, “What? Why?”
Sebastian’s grin was equal parts reassuring and terrifying. He ground his still-solid cock into you again to wring a strangled gasp from you, the squelching sound making you flush from the top of your head all the way to the tips of your toes. “Because I don’t think I want to wait until spring anymore. The sooner I can make you mine, the sooner I can spend all of my spare time trying to fuck a baby into you. That is, if I haven’t already… that would really keep other men away, wouldn’t it?”
You glanced down to where his pulsing length was still sheathed in your cunt– its unwavering hardness a testament to how Sebastian was nowhere near finished with you. He pulled back before ramming his hips against you again, forcing a startled, pleasure-induced yelp from your throat. When you looked back up at him, you found that the fire in his eyes from earlier was burning brighter than ever, inextinguishable in its intensity.
Oh, gods. You’d really done it now.
#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow smut#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy smut#sebastian sallow fanfic#hogwarts legacy fanfic#sebastian sallow fanfiction#hogwarts legacy fanfiction#sebastian sallow oneshot#hogwarts legacy oneshot#sebastian sallow x reader#sebastian sallow x you#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow x female!reader#tw breeding kink#BK!S#my writing#I blame the innocent ask I got in the morning inquiring as to why the fandom hc's Sebastian as having a breeding kink for this#I literally couldn't stop myself#I don't know what's happening lately#I get an idea and I drop everything and I push it out onto the page before it collects dust on my WIP list#basically there was no reason for this beyond I felt like it#Sebastian and MC are my dolls and I force their heads together and make them kiss and I get a boost of endorphins#anyway that's it that's the post I'm going to bed it's 1 am#will look at this shitshow of a post in the morning with my coffee before FORCING MYSELF to work on TSP#THAT'S IT#NO MORE ONESHOTS YOU'RE B A N N E D ANTOINETTE
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Hero of Bombs - Close Call Pt.1
Remember that time ages ago when I said Link starts to get very protective of Ingo after a “close call”?
This is what happened: a Gloom Hand caught him by surprise, & almost took out all Ingo’s hearts before Link could make it let him go (thank Hylia for Sun Pumpkins ☀️)
Also, yeah: I gave Ingo 6 hearts (& 1 full wheel of stamina). Humans in the Pokémon world seem much sturdier than us, going by Legends Arceus.
#hero of bombs#zelda#pokemon#crossover#tears of the kingdom#submas#submas angst#ingo#link#self insert#serious moment#TW: (almost) character death#I don’t blame Link for blaming himself (100 year old trauma aside)#I’d probably blame myself too for being powerless to help#also how did I randomly figure out how to draw Ingo’s side bangs correctly after all this time?
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When Eddie is kidnapped and held for ransom by one of his dad’s old buddies, he’s pretty sure he’s going to die. Wayne doesn’t have the money that Bert is asking for. They’re poor. Which he’s explained to Bert about a hundred times.
Eddie’s trying to make peace with the fact that he’s really never going to graduate or see his uncle and friends again. Which sucks, but he’s tied to a chair and has no idea where he is.
Bert keeps pacing. “Your uncle will pay.”
Eddie rolls his eyes. “He works man, he hasn’t even seen your note yet, and even if he did we don’t have the kind of money you’re asking for.”
Bert ignores him.
“Come on man, just let me go,” Eddie tries again. “No one is coming for me—“
He barely gets the words out before the door is bursting open, and the world’s least likely rag tag group of hero’s comes charging in.
Nancy wheeler has a shotgun pressed to her tiny shoulder, eyes narrowed and mouth a thin angry line. Steve Harrington is a step behind her, a bat riddled with nails held tight in his hands. Then there’s Robin Buckley, she’s got a bottle in one hand and a lighter in the other and —holy shit that’s a Molotov cocktail.
“Eddie!” Dustin screams from somewhere behind the three of them, “we’re here to save you!!”
#stranger things#eddie munson#steddie#nancy wheeler#steve harrington#robin buckley#Nancy made Bert cry and pee his pants#Eddie doesn’t blame him he almost did too#meanwhile steve and robin are telling eddie that he made it out pretty well after being kidnapped#Steve: I was kidnapped once by Russians. it sucked#Robin: I totally peed myself too when they brought out the bone saw#Eddie wants to know how tf these people know Dustin and how Dustin convinced them to save him#he’s also scared to ask questions
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A flash of confidence followed by the immediate fear of ruining something dear. On the other hand, the ready reciprocation and the disillusion of a deeper meaning.
Continued
#elden ring#artists on tumblr#messmer the impaler#shadow of the erdtree#oc x canon#STOLI GET UPPPPP#please they make me sick your honor i plead not guilty by insanity#tarnished#oc#original character#hand art#pining#procreate#I listened to picture you by Chappell Roan and I had to clock in#Their early dynamic is just hideously filled with missed signals and i have nobody to blame but myself i fear#mailwives
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I had to get gayer after that one sonadow drawing from last year
#fanart#artists on tumblr#megaman#mega man#xzero#zerox#mmx#megaman x#mmx zero#zero megaman#x mega man#rockman x#i keep coming back to them so i wanted to draw them again hehe#im back in the god damn building again#i was considering going wilder but i stopped myself from the personal cringe#i was also forced to draw this to get the rmz telos cd from my friend so this is his fault blame him /aff
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I had a sudden thought and I had to go back and check to confirm and...
Y'all.
The Ultimate Enemy.
The Nasty Burger was damaged (resulting in that heating element being close to the sauce and eventually exploding Danny's friends and family);
That damage was caused by Danny's fight with Box Lunch. Which was also the fight that flung Danny through the suitcase to have the test answers to cheat with and...
Box Lunch
The ten years in the future daughter of the Box Ghost and Lunch Lady
Who was only there to "destroy Danny before he could become Dark Phantom".
Which happened because of the Nasty Burger incident
Which happened because of that fight.
The whole thing is self contained. It's a time loop. And only one ghost in DP canon has the actual power to create such a loop.
I feel like I don't see people playing with this fact enough. It's always Danny and the Observants pitted against each other. Meanwhile Danny always counting Clockwork an ally/friend/grandfatherly figure.
But arguably Clockwork is at least as if not more responsible for that whole mess.
Like, obviously we can explain it away as Clockwork having a reason to initiate that series of events to teach Danny something.
But whatever reasoning he may have, that doesn't change the fact that he did it. Clockwork must have orchestrated all of that. Made the choice to "teach" traumatize Danny that way. And I don't think I've ever seen anyone have Danny realize and react to that.
#Danny Phantom#Like - obviously he's just 14#I can hardly blame Danny for not realizing this#Especially since my 26 year old ass only just thought of it myself#For my fellow crossover crew#This might be a great place to have an older hero/mentor realize what Danny is too young to see#Perhaps explain it to him if they believe it's necessary to do so#Or in some attempt to comfort him about the whole alternate evil timeline thing#Or perhaps intentionally avoid explaining it in an attempt to spare him even more grief and betrayal#For non-crossover I suppose Dan might have figured it out#Or another older ghost#Who could fill that same narrative role
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The Pantheon of Exandria;
"One thing, Dad. [Mortals] don't fear you, they resent you."
No Children by The Mountain Goats // Critical Role: Campaigns 1 and 3, Critical Role's Downfall
#this has been rotting in my head for months. freeing myself of it by tossing it into the sunday night void.#i blame laura bailey's choice to have the matron poke at the gods paternalism and bells hells as a party#for having the general disposition to the gods that is akin to that of children discovering for the first time that their parents are human#cr downfall#critical role#exandrian pantheon#long post#my post#web weaving#brennan lee mulligan#ashley johnson#matthew mercer#laura bailey#abubakar salim#nick marini#noshir dalal#taliesin jaffe#sam riegel#aabria iyengar#the wild mother#the arch heart#the everlight#the lawbearer#the matron of ravens#the dawnfather#the emissary#cr3#exu downfall
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I have absolutely no excuses for how much time i spent on something so stupid. anyway. weird danstat comic. enjoy.
#my art#interview with the vampire#lestat de lioncourt#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#danstat#i have no one to blame except for myself#i like this format for comics tho#THERE I'VE JUSTIFIED IT
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i think more people need to realize that the circumstances of how jason todd died would make him deeply untrusting of not only other people, not only himself and his own instincts, but specifically other people's proclamations of what they feel about/for him and how he reacts to that in turn
#personal#jason todd#like personally if a major formative moment in my life was trusting someone when they said they cared about me#and taking them at their word on an important topic#only for them to be flat out lying and then say that it's MY fault for trusting them in the first place#which then leads into a series of events that are both physically and mentally incredibly traumatic#i'm not trusting anyone who says anything about how they feel about me ever again#and i'm not trusting my own reactions or my own instincts in response to people either#(also god i forgot what a victim blaming BITCH sheila haywood was i hate dc retconning aditf to try and make it jason's fault)#anyway i'm done batman posting for the day or i'm gonna start pissing myself off
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???: "Of course! That's why Ratio's betrayal was one of the keys to your plan. I have to say, that doctor's acting was superb."
Aventurine:
(idk what story part this is from, but I have screenshots).
#me when I go crazy over “haha yeah but like does he actually hate me unironically? I'd hate myself too haha i don't blame him”#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr aventurine#aventurine#aventurine honkai star rail#AGH YOU DON't understand... i love aventurine so much.#RRRGHHHH#hsr spoilers
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