#and i am losing abilities ive always taken for granted

[spacejammie-eimmajecaps]

The thing about chronic pain is that I'll be experiencing the usual horrors (pain and discomfort that isn't possible to fully ignore) but I'm not even phased, like this is just a normal Wednesday night for me.

[cavefelix]

Dulceleux Tyranoto, a CMWGE character and cake

Designer notes: 

Cake hats are a real thing. Here’show to make one. 

Pastry based Excrucians are also a real thing

.This originated as a discussion of why Nobles would want to fight for Creation, when their side is literally run by Evil, and someone said that Excrucians don’t have cake. So I wondered if one could masquerade as a cake

While I don’t go into details, I don’t think that being eaten counts as a Wound for a cake.

Dulceleux Tyranoto

Dulceleux (Dull-seh-lee-uks) Tyranato is dying of bad taste. Every fart joke, every person out shopping in sweat pants, every movie with an IV, V or, Harumaph help it, an X in the title, these each whither away a crumb of Dulceleux' ability to stay in this world.

Dulceleux is dying of bad taste. Which is odd, because it tastes delicious. Because it is a cake. A cake shaped like a hat; traditionally a woman's bonnet to show off its fancy fondant, though sometimes a somber man's top hat, accentuating its elegant vanilla base contrasting impeccably smooth and glossy dark chocolate icing. Sometimes in the Outside (and, in the olden days, the Border Mythic), you notice two eyes peering from the base of the hat, eyes of falling stars and endless night.

There are many stories of how a cake came to plot against reality. Some say Dulceleux was in the Garden of Eden, offered to Adam and Eve but rejected for the apple, and realized humanity was doomed by its judgment and abandoned Creation's cause. Others say that was a different cake, and Dulceleux was prepared only recently by the Bleak Academy in celebration of the marriage that will mark the opening of its fifth school, and the cake has picked up too much bleak academia. Today, Dulceleux spends much of its time in The Bakery of Despair (see sidebar) until it is purchased by someone and taken out into the world. When it is utterly consumed, it reappears as raw ingredients in a room in the far back of the facility, inaccessible unless you make it through the seemingly endless and haphazardly organized storerooms. As it regains strength (and MP), it begins to mix itself back together, turning the eggs, flour, milk, sugar etc. into an elegant hat-shaped cake.

Skills

Superior Cake-Hat 3 // Delceleux is a hat-shaped cake

Look tasty 2 // A very tempting hat-shaped cake

Baker 2 // Who knows how to bake

Art 1

// And how to make things look refined

Perks:

Connection: The employees of the Bakery of Despair

It's Like A Home To Me: The Bakery of Despair

Bond [Based on Calling]: I am driven to transform those who purchase me

Affliction 1: I cannot be consumed against my will

The Bakery of Despair

The Bakery of Despair seems to be an incredibly exaggerated and pretentious name. The closest to Despair it seems to project is that it's a little run down, in the way that any building that's been around decades in a working class neighborhood might look a bit run down. But the inside is clean, and if the linoleum on the floor and wall colors are out of style, they're always clean and in good condition.

Except for Dulceleux, the bakery has no cakes, and few desserts. It specializes in breads and rolls, as well as a few interesting ethnic pastries. They're very good. When Dulceleux emerges from the test kitchen, rebaked, it sits in the display case until it decides to let itself be purchased.

The staff currently consists of one baker, and two teenagers, a Rider girl who grew up in Old Moulder and a young man from Fortitude, who help with the baking and sales.

ARCS

Accursed 2, Creature of Delerium 1, Sentimental 0

Accursed grants the following powers

Test Kitchen:

For most people to get to the main office in the Bakery of Despair, they must go through the surprisingly vast and labyrinthine storerooms between the display case and the test kitchen. And to do that, they'd have to be the sort of cad who ignores the "Employees only, Do not enter" sign. But Dulceleux can bring itself there any time it is in a fancy cake keeper or elegant gift box. The Test Kitchen is its hidden room.

Sweet MP Bonus:

Dulceleux has an extra 2 MP

The World Grows Stale

Dulceleux has an Affliction, based on the Sickness Issue. The more that is wrong with it internally, the more it is the only thing of taste and beauty around it. At low levels, the other desserts on the table may look a little stale, or might have faked whipped toppings instead of real cream. At higher levels, the passing waiters may belch as they offer appetizers, and people begin blurting out "How many Riders does it take to change a light bulb?"

If its Sickness is greater than 1, and it has run out of MPs, then it must return to its test kitchen as quickly as possible. Usually, freak events happen to cause this to occur, such as a sudden localized tornado picking it up and depositing it in the bakery, or a giant bird swoops down and carries it away.

World Baker's Hand

A baked product is transformed, but diminished. Bread loses its elasticity and turns hard. An angel food cake turns ethereal foam to fragile pastry.

Dulceleux may diminish and transform things using the World Baker's Hand. While it can use this ability on anyone or anything, it is most effective if they consume part of it. (This is also how it uses its Creature of Delirium abilities, below). It might turn someone's all-consuming anger into a desire to sign a petition; it might  make a person's sense of confidence into a brittle shell.

Things that don't consume are transformed coarsely, often underbaked or overbaked.

This is a bleak ability, for most things are not meant to be baked in the oven of not. Though if Dulceleux uses this to actually bake goods you'd find in a bakery the effects may or may not be bleak.

Nourishment 

The test kitchen of the Bakery of Despair  helps Dulceleux clear its mind. There are various ways it can spend time here to gain MPs, outlined on page 545 of CMWGE.

A delicate crumb

It is a sad fact that cakes on the Accursed arc do not recover MPs at the beginning of each chapter the way most other characters do. Sorry.

Creature of Delerium Powers

Arbiter of Taste

Is there anything more refined than a cake shaped like a hat? Certainly not. Dulceleux is that picture of tastefulness and embodies the sense of taste as its Experience.

If Dulceleux is in an area long enough, a region property emerges:

                         Dulceleux must appear in good taste. 

(Note that if Dulceleux has Sickness 1+, its curse above may make it the only tasteful looking thing in the area.).

Tasting the taster

When one consumes Dulceleux, which requires either its permission or a Miracle with 1+ Strike, they sometimes feel a momentary heartburn as the otherwise surprisingly smooth buttercream goes down their stomach. This is because the Strategist is taking part of their heart, the part that rules their sense of what is tasteful. (And, incidentally, their physical sense of taste. After something as rich and decadent as this cake, everything seems bland.)

After a person's heart has been taken, an small, elegant silver fork appears by  Dulceleux, a weymark which can be manipulated.

Tasteful Advisor

Dulceleux may, for a MP,  see through and manipulate those whose sense of taste it controls, having them move it to a more suitable location, for example.

Palate Cleanser

Having an arbiter of good taste can be tremendously transformed. When Dulceleux controls your taste, if it targets you with a miracle it can make it an emotionally powerful experience.

Sentimental powers

Frantic

Dulceleux has begun to explore those it cares about, and discovered new emotions due to it. When it finds itself In Trouble, it can gain 1 MP.

At home with the staff

Dulceleux has 3 Miraculous Will to use when interacting with the staff of the Bakery of Despair.

The Dreams of Pastry

One of the advantages to being a cake is that nobody cares it you're awake or asleep. And while asleep, Tyranoto finds it easy to see what is happening with The Bakery of Despair, its staff, or (if it has Calling 1+) its most recent purchaser.

[fixingforeverandalways]

I know you need time...

And im listening, and im hearing you. I now understand, and this was my doing and honestly it’s the least I deserve. But I miss you, and I love you on such a level it’s hard to be without you - I know the past near 11 months since we got in contact again have not all been smooth sailing, but we have had some more than good times, you’ve become my safety in a world full of so much bad stuff.

You are my soul mate, and I will forever stand by that, it destroys me knowing that I’ve put us through this and all that echos in my head is you apologising for breaking my heart, well what about yours? I seen the look in your eyes today and I know you’re hurting just as bad as I am for being away from me, it feels so so wrong to be apart but I know that you deserve the time and space to establish your own life - so do I - so we can find the perfect way to fuse our lives together and settle down properly. by choice. without any rush or stress. Honestly we both deserve that - i so desperately need the stability of my own strength and i so desperately need a support system in place to turn to when things feel low - and despite getting there without having you 24/7, you will always be and are the centre of that support system, you’re my safe haven and the person I trust the most. In your arms with your voice soothing me, feeling your toastie tootsies at the bottom of the bed - that is the core of my support system and nothing will ever change or replace the feeling i get with you.

ive just taken that for granted too much. I like to think that in time, as I prove to you just how serious i am, and just how capable I am, that you will let me be yours too - i dont want to be the cause of your pain and suffering and i simply wont be any longer. i refuse. if it were down to me we’d be in a home together, taking a few days to ourselves but knowing we have the security of eachother at the end of it. because that’s something we both need, security - knowing that the other person has us 100%, and you’ve proven yourself to me time and time again and even more so in the last two days with your honesty and openness and willingness. and now it’s my turn.

honestly i know me and I know my personality and I know my ability to overcome in situations where i risk losing something i hold close to me. Ahead of me I’ve got 7 weeks of CBT over that period will cover a range of talking therapies based on the idea that thoughts, feelings, what we do and how our body feels are all connected. If we change one of these we can alter the others. so in turn, improving the way I view situations, and improving the way i treat my body will impact how i feel and how i act massively - especially in a situation where i can often feel way too strongly about stuff.

with the idea of CBT, it works based on the idea that ‘When people feel worried or distressed we often fall into patterns of thinking and responding which can worsen how we feel. CBT works to help us notice and change problematic thinking styles or behaviour patterns so we can feel better.’ and i’m already at the point I can physically list the toxic reactions i have when i feel overwhelmed and I know some ways in which personally ive learn to avoid that happening, for example:

Explosive anger / breaking things/ slamming things - walking away to my own space, to play games or blast music or just cry. I would like to have my own little space to do this in, be that just my princess tent. It is not ok for me to react so strongly to being angry, but i do need a healthy way to vent anger as this is very much a normal emotion. 

Emotional outbursts/ crying - this is ok to do, but what’s not ok is to drag others into it. it’s ok to break down and be sad, but at this point i need to ask for comfort, a cuddle, a phone call, reassurance, i need to ASK for these things and not assume people instantly know what i need, especially as anger when crying can look a lot like sadness. and in that situation i have very different needs.

Jealousy/ insecurity/ paranoia - TALK. COMMUNICATE. TRUST. Inevitably, I can be paranoid, its arguably the most annoying symptom of them all. once someone gets a doubt in my mind i worry endlessly. by talking, communicating i can get the reassurance I need and drop it - by being open and honest and ASKING before I assume it can avoid any emotional overwhelming. as stupid and unrealistic as some things may sound, my brain will often find a way to find some logic too it no matter how far fetched, so please be patient with this as i’d rather sit down and be able to talk to you no matter how silly you might think it sounds, i dont mean to sound accusing at times i know i have done - but i need to insure i question rather than accuse in a way that isnt attacking, as to not stress or panic you. I know its inconvenient and a pain but i want to be able for us to both communicate and whilst i dont worry or get paranoid all the time, it does happen and the best course of action is just reassurance and patience, being calm with me and listening.

snapping and raising voice - this is usually the tell for any incoming outburst of explosive emotion. the typical result of so much from being tired, stressed, hormonal or simply just born from frustration.  This will happen from time to time as with any couple, however its how its handled that matters, we’re both guilty of raising our voices or snapping or coming across blunt and more often than not without really realising. It can be all to easy to get triggered by this and respond in a bad way, but this can be shut down and resolved by a simple ‘there’s no need to snap, or raise your voice’ and i know in the past that has then led to more issues, this is from me taking offence because it sometimes feels like you’re trying to invalidate my feelings and thoughts. this is my issue to work through, and learn to stay calm in situations. which this is all stuff i’ve done before, and let slip when i let my whole life kinda spiral. so its an uphill battle for sure, but its also a very winnable one.

Lack of appreciation - I’m very guilty of this, i’ve been trying more recently to show you that i appreciate the things you do but on reflection actually, it’s all the small things which actually are second nature to you that i feel i dont show enough appreciation for, making juice, making the effort to talk to me and tell me about your day after you’re clearly exhausted. there’s so many things that in just two days of not being close to you that im realising need and deserve that level of appreciation. and this comes with time, it’s so easy to forget as time passes and things become the norm that actually - it’s not the norm and it deserves thanks. This is a two way street and sometimes i feel the same, but at the same time you go more than out of your way to thank me for basic tasks like washing up, changing the bed etc.... and when i feel so low in myself that makes a huge huge difference to my day. so i recognise the importance to express thanks, but i also know sometimes its not always possible or simply gets forgotten. 

self care - This is without a doubt something which has a huge impact, I’ve been desperately clawing at life and the things i love trying to drag myself along with my hair and nails and dye and clothes, but honestly? its hard. i hate myself. i disgust myself. and you make me feel so wanted and loved, it changes everything when we’re going so well. but i know that it’s not healthy to be dependent on you like that, there’s no harm in boosting each-others confidence or making each-other feel good but the reality is for me that self care is the thing that will always give me a fighting chance at a good day. be it regular shaving/ bathing/ hair washing/ skin care/ nails it just makes me feel good. i like to get dressed up and look fiiine, but putting the weight back on has made it so much worse. I do want your help and advice about food, eating and working out and I know i often seem to turn my nose up but honestly i worry about being condescended to, its one of my triggers because no one likes to be made to feel stupid. and that’s also something i need to remember. i’ve under estimated you so much. that’s not ok though. but yes, the plan of action is to get my eating back under control (which is going good given the fact i cant keep any food down haha!) and take measures to get into a daily routine, even if i’m not going anywhere - just so when i catch a glimpse in the mirror i dont get low. my weight is a huge contributor to everything self care related, it gets me down massively and its a huge trigger for anxiety and paranoia for me when you make comments about people you see online etc about their weight or call people fat, because i worry you judge me the same way and it sounds pathetic but it does genuinely hurt because sometimes it sounds like size is a huge issue for you and it sends me spiralling downwards, but this is a trigger that needs to be made clear to you as i know deep down you’re just messing most the time. 

unfair divide in chores/ laziness - Washing up. when we progress and work through this, can we just get a dish washer? I will hand wash all my fluffy plates etc and the unicorn ones on a fair amount, for example if i use a plate and there’s one waiting to be cleaned i wont just dump mine on top for you to do, providing there’s time i will ensure it doesn’t build up, and obviously this is a habit we should both get into really to avoid any stress over the kitchen area being unclean. especially when you’re working 13 hours a day, i cant imagine i’ll be working that long of a day! so it makes more sense for me to do that when you’re out etc. 

Snide remarks - Im the worst for this. think links in massively with the snapping and the outburts. I feel at times i do this because im over whelmed, and i know this is wrong. the solution to this i feel is just pure mindfulness, and respect more than anything else. I feel CBT will help with this massively. I wish I knew more about WHY this is my go to defence mechanism but honestly I have no idea myself. 

Passing the blame/ playing victim - I feel I do this more than you, sometimes when i get triggered i feel like my reactions and thoughts are out of my control... which is just stupid. because ultimately it’s my job to decide what i think about something. end of really, it’s my responsibility and after talking i realised that by me blaming you, or making silly comments that made it feel like i was blaming you hurts you, massively. Unless your direct actions has led to something bad happening, for example if you throw something at me and it hits me in the eye and i shout oH FUCK or something, then that situation i would feel that your actions would be the reason i raised my voice for that haha :P the reality of the situation is that on a personal level we’re each responsible for taking responsibility for our own wellbeing - in the sense that while i’ve got every intention of looking after you fully, if you dont open up to me like you have recently then i dont know how to fix it and won’t be able to fix it for you and vice versa. 

Invalidation - This I think we’re both very guilty of at times without meaning to - or even noticing we do it. it’s so so important that we listen and understand each-other without judgement. I sometimes do not acknowledge how upset or stressed or tired you are to the extent i need to, i can be dismissive and selfish especially when you’re so late home from work etc.  I can get over excited and a little self obsessed to see it from your perspective. With BPD a lot of my triggers are caused by me feeling invalided like you don't understand or take things seriously when i try to express myself and it leaves me frustrated or upset, i know now that it’s not always the case and sometimes you panic and cant deal.  I feel this is something we need to work on together. and learn about each other as time passes. 

The need for reassurance/ attention/ care - Sometimes I feel like I ask for attention openly and it just kinda gets brushed off or last for a short period of time before you pick your phone or something up. When I ask for attention I mean I’d like to spend some quality time with you one on one, no distractions just me being able to enjoy you. You’ve never spoken to me about needing attention or care really so I would like you to be open with me when you need something, be that for me to help with your food, run you a bath or just get things for you when you’re not feeling so good. I do feel I am a lot needier in this sense with the whole ddlg stuff, and there’s a lot more expectation and pressure for you to care for me, but please know I am more than capable of looking after you when you need it, or simply just want it.

Sex and intimacy - This is a huge huge thing for me because for the first time in a very long time i’ve actually wanted to be physically close to another person. I dont really tend to like people touching me it makes me feel uneasy to actually wanting to be close to you feels amazing. The past few months obviously have been really bad for this, and i feel at times i’ve pushed for you to want to even cuddle or be near me. the lack of interest in me ruins that ‘you make me feel good about myself and wanted and loved’ from earlier and just fills me with safe hate like there’s something wrong with me, like im ugly and gross and you just cant stand the thought of being near me. this hurts me massively. obviously I know now that this was a direct result of everything that was going on but even now in my mind all i can hear and think about is you ‘how can you expect me to want to have sex with you when you say such horrible things’ and it’s like i shut down so much when i feel unwanted and pushed away it becomes a vicious cycle for us both. I know sex isnt something immediately on the cards etc and you need time to heal, but i think it would do us good to talk about what it means to us and stuff. and reasons why or why not we’d do that yknow? i know it’s a bit of a weird one but i feel so close to you when we do that like as weird and twisted as it sounds it feels like reassurance - at this point in my life I associate sex with love, and there isnt one without the other. so in my mind, no sex = no love so when we are intimate and stuff it relaxes me and puts my mind at ease. Regular intimacy is a huge thing, even if that’s just naked snuggles and touching yknow. 

Cuddles and sleeps - I have no complaints, just moar pls. all the time. every day. 24/7 ;p I do get though that sometimes it’s too hot to snuggle properly, but similarly to sex i feel that if i dont touch you then i’m not wanted. it might sound stupid it’s just another form of validation i guess. 

Money and savings - I don’t really know where to go with this, I find it uncomfortable that you’re still on a joint account with Jezi and are paying off finance items in her house. Personally I don’t want to make any commitments money wise until you sort this situation out which has been nearly a year long now and you said you would sort something out in December. I personally think the situation is weird and not ok. I don’t pay for Ben’s sofa, so why are you paying for hers? This is something that should have been sorted out when you left and i feel that it’s putting our life together on hold still. I don’t want to move forward knowing you’re still on someone elses joint account etc because that isn’t fair on me. I want us to work together as a team and once we take that next step to joint assets for it to be joint between US not you and anyone else. This i feel is a massive personal boundary for me. I want to commit to you and start our life, our home, our savings and bills etc together. 

Children and family - Obviously, this is a huge one and i’ve had a pretty shitty attitude to date with this and some stupid shit i’ve come out with. I think we need to draw the line with making rude or offensive comments about each-others families. See the line becomes a bit blurry when you make offensive jokes or comments about your children etc, so the expectation that others dont when you do it isnt right. I do also think we should both have a set routine and more open conversations about this. I think that effort needs to come from both of us with each others families, obviously you dont need to make effort for any of my children because they’re all furry and have four legs. ;p 

I don’t want to feel like my whole life has been shaken up, and you’ve always said it wouldnt be like that, or feel like im being pushed out because like i’ve said from the start i want a life with you - and whilst yes it fully involves luna and celestia i need your word that it wont effect the things we do together, like move in or get married or have our own family etc. because ultimately these are things i want for us in the future, sure not the foreseeable future but I DO want that life with you, and i want it to be just perfect and I feel ive spent so long trying to adjust by myself, trying to educate and calm and sooth myself with a situation that you frankly just dropped me in and left me in that it’s been a struggle. There’s a lot of stuff that I thought I felt to begin with that was just a part of the process for accepting and understanding. I love having fun days out and stuff, and I do want to be apart of their lives and make a positive impact on them and be another person in their support system, but i also need to know that in difficult situations where anyone acts up or misbehaves that you will deal with that, because it stresses me out feeling like it’s not my place to say or do anything, i just feel helpless and confused because this is a LIFE, a CHILD we’re talking about and it’s not my place to do right or wrong. it was hard coming to terms with the fact they’re not something I gave you. i wish so hard that things could have been different and a part of me will ALWAYS hurt that you gave that part of yourself to someone else and not me. but the fact is that it’s done. and there’s nothing I or you or anyone can do to change that. so it was just a case of learning to come to terms with the feelings i had about it, and process them in a way that I could move past it and get on. It’s at the point that my thoughts about everything changed completely. of course i still hate the fact its not something we share, but the reality is that if its important to you then it’s important to me, and whatever your thoughts and feelings I will do nothing other than support you in that. I think my perspective even until recently was a little limited to say the least, it felt like it was a case of me or them, and that you could only be there for either me or them in life, it just felt like a competition for you attention and love because from my experience when we have them you pretty much ignore me and give me the complete cold shoulder and im not ok with that. i know its hard for them to adjust but the reality is that if you want us to be together in the long term then sooner or later they’ll have to get used to seeing us together and honestly it’ll just become the norm if we act normal.

Honesty and openness -

Approachability -

Changes in opinion and feelings -

Worries -

Moving forward - 

boundaries on a personal level / exs/ porn/ stupid shit - I will do a whole new post on this! But it’s so important we both have our boundaries with things, or are at least aware of what makes each other uncomfortable or upset. Being aware of this will stop us triggering each other. 

dating - 

Home - 

[yakuzen-ryori-blog]

 (( ESSAY NIGHT ON HISAKO X ERINA BECAUSE OF @gallowsgrove

So a huge, huge part of their general dynamic is a massive amount of ironclad loyalty. Hisako would do absolutely anything for Erina good or bad and vice versa. This is important to understand before I proceed because even without applying any shipping this is a hard to break constant in their relationship. 

From the very first time we see them together Erina puts on a professional front to maintain her stubborn arrogance against people in public (to not do so to her would ruin her reputation and not let her be taken seriously); however deep down inside she trusts Hisako and wants her to be ok. She shares her famous recipes with her as they’re created, something others would literally kill for. She tells her to take time for her own relaxation if she notices shes really tired/stressed, and talks to her with a sense of respect (respect and Erina being two things that are one in a million of ever coming together) at all times. Erina handles Hisako with her own way of care and gentleness; craving her companionship above anyone else’s. She even extends this into openly complimenting her abilities (found in an Extra of vol 7). Finally and most important of all I’d say, is that when Erina is bored or lonely, or feels like she needs someone to run to, Hisako has been the first one she latches on to no matter what (the extra side story about her summer vacation before the Autumn Elections and an Extra in vol 8 being prime examples before we even count how she acted when Hisako left the first time). She also incredibly values Hisako being independent and using her own skills in cooking, stating that this is how any aide of hers should truly be. It helps that the two have been friends since they were merely infants still breastfeeding, and raised together for an entire lifetime. Even during their early childhood all Erina wanted was for Hisako to come to her and stand with not behind her. One could say they were meant to be together in some form (this primarily being Hisako serving Erina as both servant and secretary though that is not all they turned out to be). 

When Hisako took it upon herself to leave with only a letter to Erina explaining why after losing to Akira, Erina was so heartbroken that it took time for the reality to mentally set in.  She tries to go about her regular daily routine as best she can, but ultimately fails (god I can’t even begin to describe how sad it made me feel when she’s reading the Shoujo manga she likes, that Hisako ran around getting for her to the point of bags forming around her eyes, and she asks her out loud to pass the next volume but theres no one there. THEN WHEN THE DOORBELL RINGS AND SHE THINKS ITS HISAKO AND COMES RUNNING SAYING IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU AFTER ALSO SAYING THAT HISAKO HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR HER JUST FUCK MY SHIT UP) 

Then when Hisako finally does come back she fights for control of her emotions and warmly welcomes her, more than likely wishing with all her might that she’ll never leave her again. It’s very touching, and it moved my heart strongly to truly see that Erina of all people can and does love with all her heart if someone is important to her. 

Hisako herself on the opposite end has done nothing but dedicate her entire life’s purpose to serving, caring, and making Erina happy. Any victory she wants to achieve, she does it for Erina not only to cement Erina’s prestige but also because she believes only victory will satisfy Erina and make her give praise (which is completely wrong in Hisako’s case because even though Erina does say she’d like it if Hisako won something its because she believes so strongly in Hisako’s abilities and because she cares for her so much that she wants to see her succeed). For Erina to ever share something with her or ask something she treats as the highest honor anyone can ever grant. She’s also extremely protective and willing to pick a fight for so much as perceiving right or wrong that someone would be a threat to Erina. When she opens up to Soma during their first Staginaire, Hisako describes Erina as being perfect in her eyes; a person who deserves only the best. However because of this she not only admires her but feels distant and out of reach. She thinks that on a fundamental level unless she herself is also perfect with no flaws or failures, she is nothing at all. When she recalls with pain Akira’s  honest criticisms after her loss, Erina again flashes before her mind, throwing her into a fit of rage at having let the one person who matters most to her down. In fact she herself even says that because of her loss to Akira she cannot return to Erina because her loss would shame Erina’s image; essentially destroying the beauty she finds in her imagined perfection of Erina as a person. And to hurt Erina knowingly in any way is something Hisako can never do.

It’s through Soma telling her that the only way to move forward is to change herself to stand beside Erina and not behind, that we finally see her attitude shift. This was absolutely a moment that not only made Hisako start to evolve as a person, but represented a drastic turnaround in her view on Erina. Pretty much before then, Hisako was so wrapped up in thinking she was out of Erina’s league that she couldnt see how she not only stagnated herself but couldnt realize how happy and grateful she makes Erina feel everyday. She wouldnt be too honest about her love for Erina to the girl’s face because she hadn’t learned to so much as give herself a chance (and see past her anxiety and low self esteem). During the time they were first separated they were nothing short of a mess without the other. Because unknowingly for years and years they’d built their lives around taking each other for granted, Erina in needing someone to ease her problems and Hisako in wanting someone to ground herself in her loyalty to ( in essence she seeks to find her “place” where ever she imagines that to be, which until she spoke with Soma was at rock bottom.) 

Now I’m not caught up to the latest arc in the SnS manga, in fact I just finished the anime maybe a week or two ago (I am reading the manga right now actually). However I do know that Erina’s dad comes in and takes over the school. In doing so he seeks to control Erina as well for his whims. To fully achieve this, he went for an artery of her heart by getting rid of Hisako and slipping himself into a mockery of her place. Being her father, he knows for a fact that Hisako is one of the few cornerstones in Erina’s life and who has been so from the moment she learned to walk. He’s fully aware of all of Erina’s emotional weaknesses, and making Hisako suddenly and in Erina’s mind permanently disappear I’d say would be shell shocking to her. Maybe even traumatizing to an extent. I mean imagine the one or one of the people you’d do anything for and hold dear, friends, family, lovers etc. being taken away without your warning or consent. I’ve heard that this experience among many other bad things end up forcing Erina to break out of her stuck up shell and evolve just as Hisako had to. I also accidentally spoiled myself by seeing a panel where Erina decides to commit to changing by being more open to working with others so she can save the Expelled Ones (Hisako being one of the people who flash before her). While I’m really excited to keep reading and see all the advancements before Season 3 of the anime is out, it did feel really satisfying to see that their relationship remains strong even with severe distance; this time coming in a form that neither of them wanted. They have an amazing and compelling bond. Something that frankly I have rarely seen in a Shonen. At least of the one’s I’ve read that stuck with me growing up and otherwise. Normally someone like Hisako would be exactly what I mistakenly assumed she’d be, a nameless side character who functions solely as a plot device. Erina, being her prissy master, would pay her hardly a thought and go on to be more important. That’s the usual bread and butter you’d expect a relationship like this to go in Shonens, but goddamn am I glad I was wrong. As with the rest of the series, color me impressed (especially being someone who loves Seinen more than anything) 

So as just best friends or ultimately lovers in the future, I expect to keep continuously enjoying everything they have to offer for both each other and the reader. Kinda still hoping for the latter though because I’m a sucker for loves where both sides would sacrifice anything for the other and I’m also a Hisako fangirl so I want her crush to be fulfilled but its up to the writer

[englishchinesetranslations]

I set myself some big monetary goals at the beginning of this year and as we get closer to 2020 I’m reflecting on them because I’m still a little way off.

But that’s OK because, in my search for more income-based success, I’ve learned so much. Last year I read Jen Sincero’s book You Are a Badass at Making Money and used it to change my money mindset.

Even though I made the switch in my brain, it didn’t filter through to my subconscious until about three months ago.

Over the last two months, I’ve made around £20k ($25k) in revenue and am on track to continue that success.

These are the kind of figures that would put me at my goal for the year had I got my head in shape back in January.

For context, at the start of the year, I was earning around £3k per month. A liveable business revenue for my situation but far from the big bucks I desired.

I will break down that £20k later but I want to share what I’ve learned from this sudden shift.

Money is a mindset

The biggest change I made was my head. I’d always thought that earning big money was greedy and that I should be happy with my comfortable salary as a freelance writer with a passion project side hustle.

It was a real process to get my brain to the point where I realised I deserved more.

After my first few five-figure months, I realised it was my mindset that had changed.medium.com

The Big Secret No One Tells You About Making Money

The big change came when I started listening to money affirmations on Spotify. This made a huge difference.

When you’re constantly told something, it becomes true even if you don’t believe it. This is called a self-fulfilling prophecy and it can work both positively and negatively. This means that if someone tells you that you’re a lowlife and you’re worth nothing then that will become true. Whereas if you’re being told, at school for example, that you’re great and that you deserve money, it’ll be easier to manifest it.

Affirmations work in much the same way, if you listen to a money affirmation that is repeated over and over in your ear, your brain will take that to be true and you’ll start to believe it.

This mindset shift doesn’t just happen overnight, it’s actually a process. The problem I had was that when I was learning about money as a mindset, I thought it would just click and it would fall into place but actually that’s not true. In fact, it probably took me about six months of retraining my brain before I saw those monetary results.

Don’t put all your eggs into one basket

People often ask me how I have time to do all the things I do but I’m actually not that busy because I’ve been able to set up enough revenue streams for myself that I have recurring income. Income that doesn’t actually need a lot of work on a day-to-day basis. I automate a lot of my work, which eliminates some of the repetitive tasks that would normally take up a lot of my time (and once did!).

First and foremost, I am a writer and an editor and this brings in maybe 30% to 40% of my income. But I am also a coach and consultant within motorsport and this is where most of my recurring revenue and passive income comes from. But if we dig down further into this, there are a lot of revenue streams I have from these two sides of my business.

Firstly I write. I write for the Guardian, Confused.com, and for lots of automotive publications. This is the job I always wanted to do as a kid. I wanted to be a freelance journalist but it doesn’t necessarily pay very well and it’s far from regular. I could make more money from my writing if I pitched more often but at the moment, I let the work come to me.

On top of this, I am also an editor for a couple of automotive content sites linked to businesses in the US.

This is great, regular work because it pays hourly and I’m given enough work to warrant a lot of hours. On its own, it’s not quite a liveable wage for me but it bolsters my income on those months when I might be struggling, or I want to take some time off from my other projects. It’s relatively easy, consistent work, and that’s really important as a writer.

And then I have my motorsport business, Racing Mentor. The main goal of that business is to provide sponsorship coaching to racing drivers, and consultancy services to motorsport businesses.

This business brings me income in a number of ways.

The first is products: I have a book called Get Paid to Race, a number of downloadable templates that racing drivers can use, a whole host of courses (ranging from £12 up to £199), and a membership program.

Next is coaching: I have a group coaching course that runs over six weeks. I also do one-on-one coaching for drivers and teams who need a little bit of extra attention.

Beyond that is the consultancy work. This is the part that has taken the longest to build because motorsport is all based on trust. Now that I’ve been running Racing Mentor for three years, I have this trust. I work with businesses that either sponsor motorsport or work within the industry to help them grow their revenues and ultimately succeed.

And it doesn’t stop there because I’m also working on other income streams that will operate much in the same way as Racing Mentor.

For example, I am working on a book about imposter syndrome. This is mostly because I overcame imposter syndrome and I genuinely want to help others do the same, but launching another book opens up huge opportunities for me as well.

I’ve started to think ahead about the imposter syndrome courses and training I will offer to people to help them increase their confidence in what they do.

How to diversify

If you’re a writer, for example, you might be working for publications, maybe writing on Medium, and making a decent salary but what can you do to 10-times that? What can you do to ensure that your income comes from different sources? Perhaps write a book, teach something online, or start dropshipping.

The same goes if you have a day job. It’s not always good practice to rely on one salary because if you lose that job, you could receive zero income for months. But if you have other revenue streams, you at least have something to fall back on.

More money comes with more expenses

Yes I’ve made £20,000 in the last two months but I’ve also had more expenses than normal. Part of my money mindset shift was not being afraid to spend money in order to make money. This has been a really difficult switch to get my head around but I knew that I needed to do something big for an event for my racing business so I spent money on it.

So my revenue has grown hugely but so have my expenses. And while my profits have grown, there’s also tax to take into account.

I am an expert

I’ve realised that the thing people are paying for is my expertise and my ability to solve their problems. Racing drivers struggle to get sponsorship, I help them overcome that. Publications need an automotive expert to write on trending topics, I step up.

It’s not about the products or services I’m offering, it’s about the value I offer through them. This is an important distinction because people will pay a lot more for a fix-all solution to their hiring issue, than they will for an hour of consultancy — even if, to you, they are one and the same.

I write a lot about imposter syndrome and not seeing your own expertise is often one of the side effects. You’re never going to see yourself for the expert you are if you feel like a fraud.

If you feel consistently unable to achieve more, think about whether you’re struggling with imposter syndrome and if that’s something that needs to be worked on.

The learning continues

So now that I have money is my learning over? Actually, things are just getting started. Because now, I need to start thinking about what I’m doing with my money and how I can maximise this growth so my business continues to move forward in this way.

Reading articles about money always led me to believe that I’d probably just make some switch and be earning hundreds of thousands of pounds. But, realistically, I still need to continue with this forward momentum. There’s still a lot to learn.

Don’t get disheartened by big numbers

I see all these articles on Medium and other blogs about how people earn $250,000 in one month — or some such figure. And while I know that kind of income is achievable, it’s rarely the starting point.

If you’re a new business owner, it can be kind of overwhelming to see those six-figure numbers. So this is where you start, this is your starting point. And it’s mine too.

Often, before you can earn $250,000 in a month, you need to earn $2000 a month, or $5000 or $10,000.

It’s fine to have big-money goals but have a plan of how you’re going to get there. Aim to earn $25,000 before you aim to earn $250,000. Otherwise, it’s easy to get disheartened.

Enjoy it

The other day I took my whole family out for lunch and I was able to pay for it without even thinking about whether I can afford it. This is the kind of thing and the kind of freedom I want with my money and while I have that money I’m going to enjoy it. I don’t ever want to be in a position where I take that money for granted.

So if you’re in a position where your business is earning good money and you’re growing, make sure you enjoy that money and you do the things with it that make your life great.

My £20k income breakdown for September and October 2019

Product sales: £1200 ($1550)

Courses: £1000 ($1300)

Coaching: £4500 ($5800)

Writing: £3100 ($4000)

Editing: £5000 ($6400)

Consultancy: £4200 ($5300)

Event appearances: £1100 ($1400)

Total: £20100 ($24200)*

*Conversion figures correct at the time of writing. These figures have been rounded up/down for simplicity.

I’m showing you these figures in the hope they’ll inspire you to diversify your income streams in some way. I’d say I’m right at the beginning of a large period of growth in my business and I wanted to show you what those early figures looked like.

Remember, you deserve this. You’re the expert.

[putri5alad]

Can you meet me halfway

WalhamdulillahirRabbilalamin officially 25!

I kept having a memory repeat in my mind of when i was 21. That year was both th worst& best year for me.

Well actually i thought 17 was th toughest simply because my friendships were tested but nah 17 aint got nothing on 21.

Worst was because a partnership had a crash and burned ending. Not that i didnt saw it coming. I remember vividly i was at my work desk, firing texts back and forth tryna reason and completely loss and VERY emotional at whats about t go down and how th future is looking for me. It wasnt at all pleasant but hey i knew id live another day. Wouldnt have coped well if not for T’s support.

Best was because i stopped being ignorant and embrace My Maker. However, it wasnt easy. Not a chance that HE would grant me all th good on a silver platter. I had t literally worked for it and believe me it broke me, it had rude awakening truths, it made me upset i cant even focus or understand anything. That first book i bought was not th slightest bit easy for me t conquer. Th way th texts were structured& put together in a sentence had me completely lost& i cried knowing i deserved t be punished that way. I deserved t have my ability t focus and be granted knowledge be taken away and leave me all blurred and grey.

I was being tested obviously for my perseverence& patience. But…i didnt know all this then.

It was those cycles in life where it was literally a combination of baby steps, crying, going back 10 steps, going forward 1 step and then falling off th wagon again& picking yourself up again, having hope& then losing them.

But seeing as t where i am rn, i would like t give myself a big pat on th back.

Those sleepless nights of being afraid that th angels might just pull my soul out of my body was th scariest but also a life changer. I needed that scare, that push t spring me forward t get better at everything. Ofcourse i am not there yet but theres always room for improvement, always& i do not aim for perfection because other than HIM, none of his creations are but i aim for th best for myself and my muslim brothers& sisters. As for th downright evil, you are asking for HIS wrath& it will be served t you at th right time.

If my life was a reality drama, i might be rooting for me too haa!

Again, walhamdulillah for th opportunities t be well and alive, for being born knowing Islam, t be granted comfort food and shelter.

And our beloved Prophet(pbuh), th Shahabah, th Taabieen are th best 3 generations of Islam and they do not celebrate birthdays.

Islam was perfected, whatever opinions that comes along after is invalid, bid'ah.

So knowing all these authentic rules, it was like a slap+punch+chokehold t my face but ive been fighting as best i could t avoid participating in whats not going t be best for my akhirat. I mean i already messed up way too much in life t have anymore slip ups under my belt.

Alot dont get it, they’d judge even. Throwing words like “extremist” around. Not even th slightest, if only you knew and understand whatd id known. If only…

[viralhottopics]

Piers Morgan: Im just putting opinions out there. Its my job

This week Morgan has taken on the Womens March, argued with Ewan McGregor, and boasted about being Donald Trumps best British friend. Why does he do it? Does he even believe what he says?

Piers Morgan last cried when his grandmother died, a little more than three years ago. Before that, he cant remember. Im not a crier, really. He sees himself more as a pantomime villain, and I thoroughly enjoy playing up to it. I cant even imagine the pressure of being some kind of national treasure. So for me, the panto villain part, I actually enjoy that whole thing.

Even by his own notorious standards, Morgan has had a fractious week. His Daily Mail column on Monday, which criticised last weekends womens marches, provoked Ewan McGregor to cancel an appearance on Good Morning Britain in protest. Morgan retaliated with another column calling the actor a paedophile-loving hypocrite. Feminists were furious with him all over again when he defended the right of employers to compel female staff to wear high heels.

Then, as Theresa May prepared to meet Donald Trump, he taunted Downing Street by firing off a public memo in the Mail, advising the PM or, to put it another way, showing off about how to approach his friend, the president. If its all going horribly wrong, dont hesitate to mention my name or even give me a call directly from the Oval Office and I will smooth things over. Its the very least I can do for my country. A memorable highlight came with his mute appearance at the National Television awards. He stood beside his Good Morning Britain co-presenter Susanna Reid, who had gagged him with his own tie.

It was Susannas idea, he says. We were in the car on the way, and she said, I think I know exactly how to get a joyous reaction from the nation. And it was indeed one of the great moments in British television, and the nation rejoiced.

The only detail of the weeks dramas that appears to have troubled Morgan was the discovery that working with him makes Reid cry.

I was surprised, he says, suddenly quieter. Because shes never cried at work, never seen her like that at all. So it was an interesting thing for me to discover this week that my co-host quite often goes home from work and cries. Its probably not always unconnected to me. How does he feel about that? A bit uneasy, actually. Quieter still. Yeah. A bit uneasy.

Ive known Morgan a little ever since he was the loud, precociously young editor of the Daily Mirror in the 1990s, and have always enjoyed his company tremendously. But our paths havent crossed since Trumps bid for the presidency propelled the journalist into his surprise new role as the leader of the free worlds best friend in Britain. The pair have been on close terms since 2008, when Morgan won the first series of Celebrity Apprentice, and Morgan now performs the role of Trumps tirelessly loyal defender while constantly claiming to be not a political sympathiser but just a personal friend.

When I watched Morgan reduce a young female guest to tears on Good Morning Britain two weeks ago, berating her as the worst kind of mother, I wondered whether I would still enjoy his company. The tone felt uncomfortably ugly, more in keeping with an altright online troll than the mischief-maker who used to conduct playful feuds with clowns like Jeremy Clarkson. This weeks events could be read by critics as further evidence to support the unhappy impression that cheerleading for Trump has soured Morgan, and turned him into a rightwing, misogynistic bully.

If one is looking for further evidence to confirm that impression, Morgan doesnt disappoint. The 51-year-old bounces into his local pub, just off Kensington High Street, and opens with his reaction to Trumps comments about waterboarding and torture he is exercised by the BBCs misreporting of what Trump said. There is, as you know, a massive debate in America about waterboarding. I dont personally subscribe to torture. But its an arguable point as to whether waterboarding constitutes torture which is startlingly tepid for a man who once campaigned against the abuse of Iraqi detainees by coalition forces.

Morgan has been friends with Trump since he won Celebrity Apprentice in 2008. Photograph: Photowire/BEI/Shutterstock

He refers to a swarm of migration through Europe, and defends Trumps comment about wanting women to be punished for having illegal abortions. It would be a pretty logical thing for somebody who believes abortions a crime.

Critics who suspect Morgan will say anything to generate attention might equally seize upon his admission that this weeks controversies are completely connected to the fact that he has a new series of Piers Morgans Life Stories on ITV next week. He is strategising to maximise publicity all the time, he says freely. Of course! Everyone on TV is. Im just better at it than most of them.

Whether or not Morgan would welcome this, the truth is that I nevertheless find him much more nuanced and less cocksure than his public persona or Twitter feed might suggest. The reliably consistent theme in all of his feuds is intolerance of hypocrisy.

So his objection to the womens marches, he explains, is simply this. How does it help the cause for any woman on that march fighting for genuine issues, for equality and everything else, for one of the lead speakers Madonna to talk openly about having had dreams of blowing up the White House? Im not sure why Morgan would take Madonna seriously, when she herself has said she was speaking metaphorically, and he was willing to take Trump at his word last year (he denied he had meant to incite Hillary Clintons assassination during a rally speech). Because if you make a threat like that at an airport, youd be arrested and put in jail. Why should it be a different rule for Madonna? I point out that she wasnt at an airport, but another speakers incest joke about Trumps daughter struck Morgan as similarly offensive.

Ivanka Trump is a mother of three, very hardworking. I know her very well and I felt really incensed on her behalf when the sisterhood decided to be incredibly offensive about her whilst at a rally designed to counter the anti-women rhetoric of the President Donald Trump. Theres a hypocrisy there which I just found ridiculous. If your main issue with Trump is the way that he talks to people, and the language and the belligerence and the bombast and the wording, then I dont think you should be doing the same thing to him.

What drives Morgan quite mad is hypocritical virtue signalling masquerading as political engagement. Ewan McGregor was basically trying to position me as a great woman-hater. So, I decided to just take a look at his own record in this area, and load of interviews he gave about his great friend Roman Polanski, what a fine man he was, how sorry he was that he had to go to prison, blah, blah, blah and Im like, Really? I wonder how the sisterhood who currently have you down as the No 1 hero for womens rights in the world would feel knowing that Roman Polanski admitted his crime, then left the country to avoid justice when he was facing a long prison sentence for raping, drugging and sodomising a 13-year-old girl?

Why does McGregors affection for Polanksi discredit his feminist credentials, but not Morgans for Trump? Trump hasnt been convicted of raping anyone. Look, my position has been consistently, from day one,that I wouldnt vote for him. But I do know him very well, and I would just like to slightly offer a more tempered view of the man that is being described everywhere as the new Hitler and the monster. I just think now hes there, its like Brexit; I voted remain, but Ive always been a glass-half-full person, and Im prepared to have an open dialogue with people like Nigel Farage about how we now maximise the opportunity of Brexit. The same with Trump. I find the hysteria just pointless and absurd and self-defeating and ridiculous. Ive got friends of mine literally losing their minds. And Im like, calm down, please calm down. I know this guy.

Coming from Morgan, who personally wrote the paedophile-loving headline for his McGregor column, this will strike some as a bit rich, but he goes on: Its very important in this extremity of debate, the kind of thing that led to Jo Cox getting killed, to be calm. Isnt Morgan himself an arch professional provocateur? But Im just putting opinions out there. Im a columnist, its my job. Isnt anyone else allowed to hold contentious views? Of course! And coming from a highly opinionated family, Im drawn to people who have opinions and are prepared to argue them.

I would have thought Madonna, who Morgan never tires of attacking, would fall into that category. No, because she has an opinion quota based on this pure ability to shock and offend, which I find pointless, quite cliched and increasingly very nauseating.

Morgan never tires of attacking celebrities such as Hugh Grant or Steve Coogan either, for whining about the press. But all the complaints made by those two actors wouldnt amount to a fraction of Trumps grievances with the mainstream media, of which Morgan with two newspaper columns and three TV shows is unquestionably a member.

I dont particularly consider myself to be MSM. Id probably be more a kind of renegade; Im RMSM, renegade mainstream media. I dont think the mainstream media has ever fully made me a paid-up member of their club.. As he breaks off this line of thought to tweet about his latest Daily Mail column, I suggest hes on a sticky wicket here. OK, alright. But I am afraid that the journalists have to stop whining.

It was an interesting thing for me to discover that my co-host quite often goes home from work and cries Morgan with Susanna Reid at the National Television awards. Photograph: Jeff Spicer/Getty Images

As a fanatical champion of a robust free press, surely he thinks Trump should stop whining? Its a good point, he concedes. My honest answer is I think theyve all got to calm down . I think Trump has to have a more respectful relationship with the media and they have to have it with him.

For all Morgans ferocious rhetoric, he is surprisingly willing to concede points. Id found his defence of employers forcing women to wear heels suspiciously unpersuasive, and the more we talk, the more ground he gives. Im only saying it to keep the debate going, he admits at one point and when I remind him he praised Julia Roberts for going barefoot on the red carpet at Cannes last year, in protest at the festivals insistence that women attending screenings wear heels, for a fleeting second he looks sheepish. I thought that was quite cool, yes. In an interview with the Times last year, he in fact offered up Robertss protest as an example of what real feminism looked like, didnt he? OK, I think thats a fair point.

Real feminism, Morgan maintains, is not about being a man-hating victim but a strong woman. My mother is an incredibly strong, independent woman. My sister is. My grandmother was. I was brought up around incredibly strong, independent women. Im married to a strong, independent woman. I absolutely define myself as a feminist and take issue with people who think Im not, because by the yardstick of what I give to feminism, which is genuine pursuit of equality in all things for women, I think I pass that test, I do. I do, I love women. Ive always been surrounded bywomen who would never dream of being pushed around by men.

This, I suggest, might be the problem. Go on, he says, genuinely interested. Because Im actually on a learning curve here. When ones only ever known strong women, it can be easy to feel exasperated with those who have suffered experiences that make Morgans idea of strength a pretty tall order. It becomes dangerously easy to get angry with women who stay with their abusers, say, and mistake their predicament for weakness.

I get that. I get it. Totally. He thinks for a moment. I take your point. When I hear that Susanna went home and cried after the show, I would like to have known why, but she would see it as weak to tell me and I dont want her to feel that. He thinks again. You remember, we were put together on Good Morning Britain like an arranged marriage, and I think weve just got to know each other a lot better, and she sees a the upside of having these debates about sexism on air in real time, with me perhaps going on a little bit of a journey of discovery.

Morgans crusade against hypocrisy is, of course, somewhat undermined by the fact that he admits to being a total hypocrite himself Of course! All journalists are! For anyone looking for a reliable rule to explain his wild enthusiasms and fierce feuds, the secret, he says, is really quite simple. Im a human being. If people are nice to me, Im nice to them. An afterthought crosses his mind, and he laughs. Donald Trumps actually pretty similar.

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from Piers Morgan: Im just putting opinions out there. Its my job