#and i also dont think there’s anything necessarily wrong with wanting simple love stories with little to no conflicts but

[kisekikoko]

i’d seen this on earlier and just had so much to say

i take it as a sign of illiteracy that these people cannot comprehend a character beyond the surface level. they dont really take into account how fiction will always be a derivative of reality in someway shape or form. these characters that we see or read about are/should be complex in nature. they are people or rather a reflection of people. a reflections of both good and bad placed in a variety of scenarios and how far can u get in these scenarios without plights, flaws, or conflicts. how will these characters grow and learn.

how can they develop if everything is so perfect so idealistic to the point where there is no longer a story to be told. there is no relationship or story that exist without conflict and without low moments. these moments are uncomfortable they cause distress and can make you rethink your entire relationship but what good comes from ignoring them completely in both fiction and reality. what good comes from judging characters and putting them in a box based off nothing but their flaws. people who do “red flags” and “green flags” forget that these things coexist inside one being and none exist without the other and it like a lot of these characters are in high school.

a moment in time where everybody lowkey fucked up in their own way and the beauty about watching their relationships blossom and grow comes from them overcoming their challenges with each other or with themselves and figuring out how to navigate the relationships that they make during this period of their life like be so fr these characters are often high schoolers they not gon get shit right the first time or the second time they’re going to struggle with communicating their feelings. they’re going to struggle with understanding their own feelings before even getting close to understanding someone else’s. but at end of the day depending on the story thats trying to be told they will find the light at the end of the tunnel. love will overcome and triumph all and we can see how drastically these characters have changed and grown and to me that’s a far more satisfying story to be told rather than everything being perfect from beginning to end.

[foxymoxynoona]

So, i have been reading Lowlander again (for maybe the 5th time 😭). I just love everything about it, you are such a wonderful writer you have the ability to make the reader feel as if they are in the story. I dont particularly mean that i relate to a character but it's as if i can see and smell and feel exactly what they can, it sounds simple but it really takes a lot of talent to do that ,so thank you.

Also, i always listen to music while reading and there is this song by Tamino called Persephone. Every time i hear it is as if i hear jk talking to m. Here are some of the lyrics:

"When you hid under my black wings They couldn't have protected you from anything Once in flight they would have let go You would have once again wound up below Only broken

Indeed, it's wrong to keep you near me One could call me cruel and deceiving"

So, yeah just wanted to tell you how much i love the story again, and your writing in general🌸🩷

Waaaah thank you so much! I am going to immediately go listen to this!

I love your clarification too about feeling in the world but not necessarily relating to the characters. I know most fanfic is written with the hope of readers projections themselves into the situation, but I really like capturing a specific character and letting them live and grow, even though that particular character won't feel like "me" to every reader.

I like to envision it as, sometimes you're reading a story and you're inside the main character (especially if it's first person or a reader insert), but other times I think of it as, my goal is to make if feel like you're invisible moving through the world right beside the characters. The story is alive around you, even if sometimes they are doing things you hate LOL and you are helpless to intervene

[hanguangbuns]

wei wuxian and his attitudes on his sexuality... and the fandom attitudes towards it in turn

so i guess for my first post ill talk about some discussions of sexuality ive seen floating around, mainly pertaining to wei wuxian's sexuality and how he views himself. this isnt any sort of analysis of the direct text or anything but oh it could be. i dont use a lot of direct references to the text for this post, mostly going on pure memory, so take it with a grain of salt.

one thing i see a TON in fandom and transformative fandom spaces is this incessant need to label a favorite character's sexuality one way or another, whether it be a sexuality the person likes to project themselves on or something else. thats not to say that its necessarily WRONG to do so—i love it when my dear mutuals see themselves in a character i think its very endearing & exciting, and in fact, there had been many times where i did some self-exploration of my own sexuality through characters. the problem i mostly have is when people get heated or even obsessive over something like a label.

i think for so long, there's been this discussion of wei wuxian's sexuality where, though mostly in good faith, comes to a point where you have to wonder if it even matters in the canon context. whether he’s bi, gay, straight, etc... it all comes down to the fact that in the story, they (wei wuxian and lan wangji) don't label themselves at all, and neither does the author. yes there is the term "cut-sleeve", which as we all know, is mostly used, almost in the negatory in the mdzs universe—the origins of the term “cut-sleeve” itself is referred to the story of Emperor Ai of the Han dynasty, who cut off his sleeve so as to not wake his sleeping lover. cut-sleeve itself is an allusion to homosexuality, but not the full label.

so what does this mean? well for starters, on twitter, there has been this lovely thread by twitter user flowerofgusu, who does a detached translation of chapter 111, and noticed a few key things. what i want to focus on is the first tweet, where translation differences are highlighted in that line. i implore you all to read the thread (its short!), because i dont want to trample all over it. but keeping it simple, we can see that there is a BIG difference between reading a wei ying who always thought himself as heterosexual, and a wei ying who just simply never thought himself “in that way”

i think this could open up a lot of discussion on how sexuality is handled in mdzs, and how wei ying’s own attitude toward sexuality is written. the author of the thread noticed that wei ying’s attitudes lines up well with the concept of “demisexuality.” and it makes sense! we know that lan wangji is the only person that wei wuxian has ever come to love intimately, and whole-heartedly. but again, the thing is, its a label, and whether or not it was intentional, we will never know if he is demi for sure. and that’s ok! in my opinion, characters dont have to have labels, and we know that wei wuxian can be perfectly happy living the rest of his life without labeling himself in any specific way.

(side note, now im seriously wondering if a “lack of label” is also a phenomenon of me wanting to project too—personally im someone who doesnt really stick to one, so i wonder if this is also me projecting in a sense. lol)

anyways, my problem with all of this arises because of a couple of attitudes of seen in response to the thread. i wont link it, and honestly i think the issue seems to pertain to the way fandom views characters’ sexuality in general. that discussing how characters might be demi, or acespec, or even just someone with no labels, is met with attitudes of “you’re erasing bisexuality” or “he is gay!!1!”; when ppl introduce the book, its “the main character is a bisexual necromancer!”. these claims are generally in good faith but, the problem is, they are not backed by the canon text either. i wont sit here and talk about other series or other characters, but i know for sure wei wuxian isnt labeled at all. heres what we know: 

that, in his first life, he teased and flirted a little, if only to make friends or get something in return, like food, or a perfume sachet.

he was rumored to be someone who ravishes virgin maidens every night, which no, he didnt. he hung out with some ghost maidens one time and lived alongside some poor farmers in the burial mounds. he died a virgin too

he experiences moments of comphet on few occasions, most notably in xuanwu cave where he told lan wangji “he doesnt like men”—i wrote a bit on this but i went back to read the text in its full context, and wei wuxians proclamation of “i dont like men!” seems to be more of a way to assure lan wangji that he wont take advantage of him, rather than him being so assured of his sexuality. since i dont have access to the original text, let's leave this for another day.

in the phoenix mountain kiss, he assumed that the person who stole his first kiss was a strong, but shy maiden. again, comphet at play, and never considers the possibility of it being a man

in his second life, he plays what he thinks not only how a cut-sleeve acts, but how mo xuanyu acts. when he first wakes up, he plays the act of a lunatic, then attempts to play it up to his advantage when he learns that mo xuanyu is homosexual. not once does wei wuxian himself ever harbor any negative feelings or disgust towards mo xuanyu being gay, or towards homosexuality at all.

in fact, up until the moment wei wuxian starts to fall in love with lan wangji, and when he realized he did, he never once fantasized about him being in a serious intimate situation with anyone, nonetheless even a man! his first life had been a lifetime of struggle, a struggle to conform, and a struggle through war, and a struggle to stand up whats right. whats notable is that although he and lan wangji met only on several occasion, it was enough to make a huge impression on each other—and for wei wuxian tell jiang yanli all about his new friend in the cloud recesses!

anyways the point is, wei wuxian never labels himself, but neither does he ever think about his sexuality in any meaningful way, whether because he “didnt have time”, or because he just simply didnt see the need to. i think the lack of a label on a character, or, really, a person, not only means that they dont care about how to define themselves, but because they just simply dont see the need to. wei wuxian is someone in the latter—he is a carefree person that goes with the flow, and doesnt get hung up so easily over any little thing.

this brings up another point ive thought about a lot—why use these western labels to define fictional characters living in an ancient fantasy china? especially terms where they have only been recently defined within the past couple hundred years. i think there is a lot to discuss when it comes to imposing western views of sexuality onto foreign art and media, especially media that, rather than try to label subjects any specific way, aims to tell a story rather than focus on identity politics. (i think this goes into why danmei itself is pretty appealing to a lot of people—it doesnt focus on the labels of its characters, but rather the characters themselves going “i love this person for themself, and not because im gay”. of course, there could be few exceptions, but generally, it is popular for the main couples in danmei to be wholeheartedly devoted to each other, no matter if they have been in several relationships before, or none at all)

another phenomenon ive seen in the fandom which was subject to a lot of discussion, is “sbwy”, or straight boy wei ying. generally i do think its inherently a harmless concept, and one that can be fun in a comedic setting, and especially wonderful when it comes to things like “coming of age” fics or analysis. the problem is. too many a time have i seen bad-faith criticism of the novel that claims… that wei wuxian was actually “straight” in his first life, and him taking the body of a gay man means he suddenly turned gay and that means mxtx deleiberately wrote this and is homophobic and blah blah blah—

just. full stop. i think at that point, anyone who thinks that probably didn’t read the novel lbr. wei ying was never implied to be “straight” in his first life—like i mentioned, he flirted with girls and generally never thought about himself in “that way”, but the whole point of the flashback arcs were to bring to light certain contexts that the present arcs needed, and to highlight the relationship between wei wuxian and lan wangji at that time. its rocky, but generally, they had a better relationship than what most people thought. we know that lan wangji didnt want his feelings known to anyone, and especially wei wuxian; so wei wuxian himself had no reason to know of it at all. and it makes sense—by the time lan wangji himself realized it, it was much too late, and wei wuxian had deemed him an outsider to his problems. theres nothing he could do to help without overstepping boundaries, so he chose to respect it (generally).

anyways what im saying here is that wei wuxian wasn’t straight in his first life—he just never had any reason to think about his sexuality. he was and is carefree, and i think his attitude towards his sexuality carefree as well. when he started realizing he was catching feelings for lan wangji, his first thought wasn’t “but im not gay!”, it was “oh my god. i might be gay. i might be gay and i might be gay for my best friend and i dont know what to do about it does he like me back i hope he likes me back aakdjklgfdhlkf;ds” (please note that i use the term “gay” loosely, not that im making any straightforward comment on what his sexuality might be, ty) he’s flexible with his attitude towards his own sexuality, not really claiming he’s any one thing, but instead, focusing on the most important object of his desires, lan wangji.

(discussions of sex incoming)

he was never inclined to seek out gay erotica in his first life, and he was never inclined to that kind of interests, and he was never inclined to sex at all. we know that in his first life, he died a virgin and never felt any kind of desire like that at all. in his second life, he becomes interested in sex—most noteably, interested in sex with lan wangji. lan wangji is the object of his desires, and throughout the entire story, no one ever catches his eye quite like the second jade of lan. he unlocks a desire within himself that he himself has never known, and from then on, hes more inclined to do anything with lan wangji. its exhilarating, its scary, its wonderful, and most of all, wei ying is happy. hes happy and excited and satisfied! wangxian never put labels on themselves throughout the novel, and theyre happy with that. when they realize the depth of their feelings for each other, theres no going back—it feels natural to them, so why go through the trouble of putting labels for themselves?

to close off i wanna say, headcanon whatever you want! whether wei wuxian is gay, bi, straight, demi, whatever, its all up to interpretation! and having civil discussions about it can be fun, and can bring people a whole different perspective than what they thought before. but i think its silly to claim that wei wuxian has to be one or the other, and if ppl hc him being a label you think is incorrect, its morally wrong to do so. in my opinion, i think the lack of putting a label on a sexuality can be really refreshing, and for wei wuxian, it seems to do him just fine.

[probably-haven]

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

-

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 

Venti’s response to this: 

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 

-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 

-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

[eremiie]

i saw this post here and just wanted to dissect everything lmao

aot 139 spoilers 

“Eren admits that he literally killed 80% of the world’s population, he then says he only did it so it would look like eldians stopped a threat”

eren admit to killing 80% of the population bc he did... he’s admitting to what he did, and he says that he wanted to paint them to be the heroes— but not only did he do that, he ended the curse of ymir and gained freedom for his people. it wasn’t just to paint them as heroes

“He also did it so the rest of the world couldnt murder them”

he didn’t “also” do it for that reason, it was an effect, the rumbling ended up killing so many people that they can’t wage war on the eldians like eren says, it keeps them a little safe which they needed especially since some of humanity knows that paradis is what started the rumbling. it’s a cause and effect type thing. because eren killed 80% of the population that remaining population won’t be able to retaliate and try to kill the eldians since there are so little of them

the tybur family is treated like some of martyr and apparently pulling the strings which led to the deaths of millions of innocent eldians was actually a GOOD thing

this scene was interpreted wrong, armin says “...so you want us to be like the tyburs after the great titan war? we’re supposed to protect paradis from reprisal from humanity outside the walls?” he’s asking eren if that’s what they’re gonna do, he never says it’s a good thing. then that’s when eren explains that either way so much of humanity is destroyed that they wouldn’t be able to retaliate if they wanted to

Armin THANKS him for it

armin thanks eren for doing what he did to free them. not thanking eren for for mass murder period. it’s because of eren that the curse is lifted and that they are free and that’s what armin’s thanking eren for. mass murder is inexcusable, and eren knows that. that’s why after he panics and goes “but i dont want to die!” he comes to a realization that all the people he killed didn’t want to either, that the only way to atone for his sins is by dying himself. even if he didn’t die he would’ve probably been executed, or imprisoned for the rest of the life. just like in mikasa’s ova, “eren’s death is inevitable, no matter what reality you go to eren will always die because he carries death within himself.” 

in another translation of the chapter armin thanks eren for being the bad guy so that they could win. he knows what eren did was bad. he’s not excusing it, he just understands why eren had to do it and that eren had no choice if he wanted them to be free. 

from the get go freedom was one of the themes of eren’s character. if eren lived the whole entire world would be ruins and eren would’ve been even sadder than now, there would be nobody and it would’ve been worse than it is now. eren killing everyone was definitely not the ending to go. the ending we have could’ve been executed differently, sure, but in my eyes since i get the gist i think isa did an amazing job portraying what he had in mind. 

“Armin is more upset with Eren saying he doesnt know how he feels about Mikasa moving on than mass genocide”

once again, armin isn’t all that upset with eren because he understands that eren had a path laid out for him that he had no choice to follow. the point of eren committing mass genocide keeps getting brought up as if it’s not know that mass genocide is a terrible thing. it is and that’s why everyone was so angry about it from the get go, that’s why that one plan of blackmailing humanity with the rumbling and not actually go through with it was brought up once— because they knew how cruel it is. armin knew how cruel it is as i believe it was him who brought that up

he’s upset with eren about mikasa’s feelings in like a banter kind of way. it’s like “this whole entire time this is how you felt but you couldn’t tell her that and let her suffer???? don’t forget what you said to her, she went through hell!” kind of thing. they had already talked about the whole mass genocide thing, mikasa was the next topic of discussion

“Eren then finally shows some fucking emotion and cries abt how he doesn’t want mikasa to be with anyone but him”

in another post i say, "okay so first i think the issue is that a lot of people fail to realize that the way eren acted all throughout season 4 isn’t eren really, that is him putting his emotions at bay so that he can complete something that he laid out for himself for his friends.eren from season 1-3 still exists, and that’s lowkey the eren that was talking the whole time in chapter 139— you can see the how he cares for his friends, you can see the desperation again, the compassion, everything in between.” 

eren is still that s1-3 eren, season 4 eren just had to put his emotions aside so he could walk on the path that ymir put in front of him. 

him crying over mikasa was one of his selfish desires coming to light, and it was realistic. it’s finally dawning on him that he’s gonna die, he’s finally getting to sit down and ponder about mikasa, he’s getting desperate, he’s panicking, and that compassion that he’s always had for his friends is showing through again. this gives realism to his character— it makes his character all the more human. one second he’s complaining about how he doesn’t want to die and wants to be with his friends bc its crashing on him, and the very next second he’s trying to be at peace with himself, realising that the only way to atone for what he caused is by dying. one second he’s complaining about how he wants miksa to be with anyone but him, the next second he’s coming to terms with himself and that mikasa needs to move on, because he loves her and wants her to live a long and happy life even if it means without him. the selfishness that showed for that mere second makes his character realistic. it shows that he’s still whiny, that little whiny angry boy from s1-3. he was never heartless and he was never cold. he was and is still eren jaeger, and you get a glimpse of the eren we know in that scene.

The founder ymir was apparently in love with the king???? another women stupidly devoted to a man, great.

i’m not too in depth with ymirs story so im not gonna speak too much about this because i myself do wish that whole love thingy went more into depth. i get how mikasa and ymir parallel each other, but other than that i’m not too sure myself, and i’ll admit that. it could be a case of stockholm syndrome, it could be that bc ymir was infatuated with living and she was confined to such a familial role she wanted to live in that role again with the king bc he���s the only person who gave her that familial lifestyle. i’m not sure. but if anything mikasa was im pretty sure the only character “devoted” to a man in aot. and it was because of the role eren played in her life, she’s not a bad written character, she has her developement. which i explain here

apparently mikasa’s unhealthy devotion to eren is what took her out of it????? in fact the series overly romanticizes mikasa’s love for eren despite the two having no chemistry and eren being an ass to her

in a sense, but that’s a simple minded way of saying it. ymir’s devotion to king fritz was unhealthy, eren describes it as “agony of love” because it was pretty unhealthy obvi. like i said ymir and mikasa parallel each other, and seeing mikasa be able to let go and kill the one she loves was that realization for ymir that she was able to do the same thing— that’s how i interpret that scene personally.

and in mikasa doing so, killing eren lifts that curse of ymir and frees ymir regardless, so ymir was happy about that as well. thanks to mikasa for cutting eren’s head off. 

the series doesn’t necessarily over romanticize mikasa’s love for eren in my opinion. how i see it is that since eren is a big part of mikasa’s character he was necessary for her development as well, and her development was to let eren go because of how infatuated she was with him. this being said the series points out how unhealthy the way she loved him was especially in s1-3, and her love becomes more healthy when she gets her development in chap 139, finally being able to let eren go and move on. compare that to in the s1 when eren almost dies and she’s ready to die as well. thats development if you ask me. 

one of the themes of the show is sacrifice, and almost every character has made one, mikasa sacrifices eren— she kills him and she chooses to go through with that decision despite how much she loves him. 

eren was definitely mean to mikasa in s1-3 because she was overbearing, and thats one reason why i say the way she loved him was unhealthy at first. eren wasn’t able to reciprocate her love in the way that she loved him because it wasn’t healthy. eren also wasn’t able to reciprocate it because the last thing he was focused on was the concept of love. once again he had a path laid out for him that he had no choice but to follow, and mikasa didn’t have any play in this path until the very end, so the boy who keeps moving forward does just that and doesn’t pay her much mind, doesn’t get to sit down and think about his feelings for her, what she is to him.

(and i dont think i even need to explain the “mikasa i’ve always hated you seen, the chapter covers that enough)

they do have chemistry time to time, the eren v dina fritz scene, the scarf scene, “what am i to you”, little stuff like that goes into play and gives them these little sparks of chemistry. they couldn’t always grasp onto the full scope of the relationship they had and it was only some times they were able to do that with everything going on.

apparently the titans are just gone now….??? i cant even tell if its because Eren died or because Mikasa really made Ymir calm down

... eren controlling rumbling, eren dies rumbling stops, ymir finally lifts curse bc 1) eren died 2) shes able to come to realization that like mikasa lets eren go, she needs to let fritz go and the curse go. ymir lifts curse, eren’s goal is complete, if titan curse is lifted there are no more titans

Characters who murdered thousands and were the cause for AOT’s entire plot in the first place are now treated as heroes to the eldians… despite the shit that they did.

everyone in aot did some “shit” they all are murders, eren commited mass genocide, reiner commited mass murder, annie murdered so many people, reiner, armin destroyed thousands of people in one go, they all have killed somebody. they are seen as “heros” because they stopped the rumbling that was going to kill everyone else...... idk about you but if you just saved me from a horrid death, my racist opinion on you doesn’t really matter because you just saved my fucking life lmao, yes despite the shit that you did— because they have killed people too, and they were ready to kill the eldians still until armin told them that they killed eren, that they saved their lives and eliminated titans for good.... like whew???

the series went from “The military is cool” to “the military did a lot of fucked up shit” to “the military is SUPER cool”, and buffed it up

i’m not really sure where you got that tbh,, like the military wasn’t really a big thing up until the whole marleyan thing??? and they didn’t have much plot in the story besides it existing so like i’m not sure what to say ab this, i can’t really remember many times the military was even mentioned until now, but if anyone wants to elaborate on this for me that’d be nice

oh and they buffed up the military because since paradis had eren jaeger who started the rumbling, just in case, they had to be ready to fight again if the rest of humanity wanted to do something. after marley they updated all their technology, why can’t they update the military as well? it’s realistic, new weapons, new military, and all that

The military was buffed up bc the eldians are scared of the rest of the world retaliating, so Eren didn’t really fix shit except giving the Eldians an upper hand in the war

eren jaeger was the one who always screamed “i will kill all titans, we will get freedom” ya de ya de ya.... didn’t he do both of those things????? i thought those were some of his main goals as a character, he fixed those issues, the issues that have been issues since the start of the show

the rest of humanity don’t know the full scope like the eldians or marleyans, they’re probably just as scared and like in real life not all nations are at peace with one another. this is just another realistic factor— attack on titan is becoming a world closest to the real one we live in, there are militaries, there are still conflicts, there is still all these little aspects that bring the manga even more to life.

in my opinion it’d lowkey be weird if the rest of the world was just like “oh yeah those mfs that started the rumbling we love them haha” no... it killed 80% of the population like eren said... that’s not something to love.

Historia has a really disturbing speech about how the fight isnt going to end until either the Eldians or the rest of the world are exterminated, despite Gabi has an entire arc about her being deradicalized and learning to see the other side of things.

and yes i am not kidding, the heroic conclusion is that there’s still going to be a war, eldians are going to commit mass genocide (which was proposed by eren) and people straight up thank eren for the evil shit he did.

“this fight will not end until either eldia or the world dissapears. this is what eren said and he may be right.” she doesn’t say that it’s for sure gonna be a fight until one or the other is wiped out, she says there’s a possibility of this being the case because of the fact that these nations aren’t at complete peace yet. 

not everyone is gonna be able to see the other side of things, and this applies to the whole word— us as humans will never be able to agree on one thing, and that’s what this shows. no matter what the cycle of hatred will always continue, and this applies to real life and this manga. we are human beings and that’s what makes what historia says even more real. “this is the world we live in, a world without titans.” titans are no longer their conflict. now it’s only like the real word— humans against humans, and as far as humanity existed it’s always been humans against humans. historia’s speech shows that.

the heroic conclusion is that as a human race nothing will always be agreed upon, eldians are going to fight if they need to like our military fights when they need to. people are thanking eren for freeing them and ending the curse of titans that they suffered with for 2000 years. nobody’s thanking him for his actions of mass genocide, they are thanking him for the motive behind his actions, and thats what makes him so heroic.

that he endured and did something so terrible so that anybody who lives after him can be free, and humanity can continue existing as humanity should’ve existed from the beginning.

and that concludes this for me, thanks for reading<3.

[summoner-kentauris]

What does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir? (You can either just answer or write a lil story if you feel like it)

OOOO now i have thought in my free time a fair amount about what líf thinks of zasha but, and i cannot believe this, i have not thought about what zacharias thinks about líf and thrasir. full disclosure, book III happened to be going on when i formally stopped playing feh. i kept up with the story after that but, theres my obligatory knowledge base disclaimer.

also minor cws through this whole thing because i talk here and there about zacharias and his... mm, canonical relationship to death/selfharm

-

so, i spent a lot of time thinking about this one, and i keep coming back to my gut reaction, which is that i don't think zacharias would like them very much. i dont know why i think that, though.

PART ONE

i think a lot of it would depend on how they approach him, which is maybe why i've spent more time thinking about the reverse of this ask, come to think of it. see, i think zacharias could go any which way in terms of what he thinks of them. i think he could hate them, as two people who killed versions of everyone he ever loved, including metaphorically killing off the two people closest to him.

i think he could love him, having seen the hell (ha ha literally) that they went through. understanding what that feels like. given the way he talks about his suicide attempts, and honestly that he spent most of book I trying to get people to kill him, really his whole relationship to death. i mean the man talks a lot about death and killing. he might not be the feh OC who best understands how manipulative and... whats a good word. alluring? what im trying to say is that besides eir, he might be the one most likely to understand why Hel and hel's offer appealed to líf and thrasir. i feel like this bit has a place here: "With his dying breath...he begged for his life. He called out your names! "I'll do anything you ask! Just let me live!" excepting of course that i still am not sure if i think he said/thought that or not. ive never been sure who really is in control of speaking right then and there. Anyway. Probably he could come to understand Líf and Thrasir's stance, enough that he could care about them the same ways he cares about his versions of Alfonse ann Veronica

on the other hand, i can see him being fully horrified by the choices those two made in response. this bit: Not anyone... This dark god...seeks death. And it cries for the destruction of Askr. Like. Líf and Thrasir are intentionally enacting the same thing as the dark god's desires, in order to correct a mistake they made that, uh, also enacted the same thing as dark god's desires. talk about awkward. and i think Zasha, who has lived with this nightmare in his head for so long, might recoil from people who are so directly aligned with it. who wants to be around someone who has become, who has chosen to become, everything you ever feared you'd be? especially when you're nearly drowning from the effort of fighting to stop yourself.

i could also see him meeting them and it being incredibly, incredibly bad for him. i feel like, he puts a whole lot of... mm. what am i trying to say.here:

Yet it is you that says this, dear friend, and so I must consider it. I see the faith reflected in your eyes. Perhaps it is possible...

SPEAKING OF BUNNY ZACHARIAS I ALSO THINK YOU COULD TAKE THE FOLLOWING:

You never change. All you see is a lofty goal, even if you lack the means to achieve it... The idea that gods would fall by the hand of man is a fantasy... and a preposterous one. This is a goal that even our ancestors Líf and Thrasir could not achieve.

setting aside the obligatory wtf zash i know you know your lore (fuck, maybe there is no killing the gods, maybe all Fire Emblem victories are temporary at best and Zenith is the only one who knows it. but i think, probably not), i think you could spin a very believable scenario where zacharias takes one look at these two ambitious, arrogant posers and absolutely refuses to speak to them any further.

so, part one, i think that zacharias could think any number of things about líf and thrasir. which i suppose means that i think he's fairly neutral on the subject of líf and thrasir. makes sense to me, i suppose. i feel like zacharias | bruno has practice (regardless of whether he's any good at it or not, or whether its any good for him) at holding and maintaining separate personas, so I don't think the fact that líf and thrasir were alfonse and veronica would necessarily be all that important to him.

which brings me to part ii

what happened to dead zenith zacharias

if zacharias is neutral on the subject, I think a lot of their relationship is going to pushed in one direction or another by líf and thrasir themselves.

and, complicating matters (when do I make things simple?), i think their approach to zacharias would of course depend on what happened to their zacharias. correct me if im wrong, but i dont think we have even a hint what happened to him.

there are three ish options I'm seeing. one: as dead world zenith is further along in its timeline and as zacharias claims he's almost out of time with his curse, other zacharias died due to that before the war with hel. i feel like scenario one is the most likely to lead to a good relationship between main zacharias and líf and thrasir.

two: mr. professional "knows plot relevant things out of knowhere" was the one who found out about angrboða's heart in the first place. especially given "As destruction took hold, we joined with Embla to seek the forbidden heart...", which to me sounds a lot like, "hel was kicking our ass then zacharias showed up and said we should go get this mystical plot object from embla". thrasir even says she and líf weren't allies before the world went to shit. anyway. hear me out here:

Yes. The heart is sealed within an Emblian blood temple. If that seal is broken, someone will die each time the heart beats... Those who perform the rite are the first to die.

Now. Líf claims he was the one who broke it open, but he also was present for the war that followed and only after was he killed and inducted into hel's army. so. both of those things can't be true. i propose that the magic mcguffin located in a sealed emblian blood temple was unlocked by our dear zacharias and thats what killed him in other zenith. i think its possible that other veronica was the one who did it, but you know. its all imagination at this point. also, and i forgot this, but thrasir does go off about how she can't lose until she saves her brother, so. something especially tragic happened at least. and oh boy is scenario two a nice fresh tasty tragedy. so that's scenario two. other zacharias directly died as a result of attempts to fight hel

number three thing that could have happened to zach is boring. he's always off doing things, he could have just died off screen. i mean. everyone did, eventually.

frankly he could still be alive for all i know. the heart appears to take the lives of people in the world, not of the world, or else the summoner would have been fine. so, if zacharias was on one of his off world jaunts, he could conceivably be a-okay. well. as okay as someone who's whole world died. i don't think that's what happened, because thrasir is pretty clear about feeling that she failed him, but yknow.

líf and thrasir's reactions to the above

thrasir is i think the most straightforward. i can't really see her approaching main zacharias with anything but positive intent. even if she's only a little bit open, i think thrasir and zacharias will probably have a decently tolerable relationship. if zacharias can come back to a country that exiled him as a kid and let his mother die in a dungeon and then go on to not just befriend but protect and care for a half sister he didnt know before then, then i think he'll find a way to care about thrasir. you know, intsys could have had fun making another perpetual older brother character. as i understand it, xander gets brother'd a lot, he and zach could have talked. could have been fun. a whole, zacharias, a historically traumatized child: *arrives in a world* every currently traumatized kid in a five mile radius: oh shit this one's ours now. you know what im saying? found family except zacharias would very much like it to stop finding him. he's got important brooding to do. but anway, they didn't go that route and its a tragedy.

líf is... more complicated. i think scenario one creates the most positive outlook. i can see him still having guilt over zacharias' loss, but i think any of it would be overshadowed by everything else that happened. in this scenario, líf finally gets back a piece of the world he'd lost. yeah, it's not his zacharias, but still. it is a zacharias, who is living and breathing and frowning and asking why you are staring at me, knight. i think the two of them could get along rather well, although i see them having significant issues with pessimism. inch-restingly enough... the dark curse bades its hosts to kill askrans. and líf is, well. dead. so... perhaps... perhaps líf wouldn't trigger the curse like alfonse does. in that case, not only does líf get someone back he thought he'd never see again, but so does zacharias.

scenario two is just a nightmare. frankly, i initially thought this scenario would lead to líf just ignoring zacharias (out of guilt, pain, etc), but i was rereading the scripts looking for the spelling of angrboða and this came up:

Tell Hel. She'll erase those memories. She'll erase them all...

so, honestly? i think that in scenario two líf just straight up gets hel to remove his memories of zacharias (as an aside maybe this is also why he never ever ever talks about other anna >:{ )

in that case, líf wouldn't really have any reason to talk to this man, who causes this empty deeply sad feeling to well up in him for now discernible reason. and zacharias has no reason (or time) to talk to this standoffish general of the dead. so. that's a real ships in the night moment.

number three i think líf would still hold the same guilt as in number two, but i don't think it would be as horrifically tragic, so i think it's more likely he'd be willing to approach zacharias. he does appear to have even worse of a thing than alfonse about not opening oneself up to people, but i think that even if he's líf, he once was an alfonse, and being that this is me answering this, i don't think any alfonse can really keep away from a zacharias for very long. its a version of the person who once knew him as well as any other person in the world. like líf can't really seem to stop himself from associating with main sharena, i don't think he could stop himself from reaching out in his own way to main zacharias. and god does that man need some more friends. i think zacharias would probably be a little frightened of líf, and of what an alfonse could become. but i think probably... i feel like a lot of book i issues stem from the fact that, justified or not, zacharias thinks alfonse would risk anything, any harm to save him. i don't know that confronting an alfonse who literally risked everything and did all harm to save his world would be a comfort, but i do think zacharias would get a lot out of having someone who's already done the worst they can do. been there, done that, got the tshirt. i think zacharias would be a little afraid of what an alfonse could become, but i think he would no longer have to be afraid of... no, anxious about it. i think there's a kind of calm in having something confirmed that zacharias could appreciate. healthy? unhealthy? fuck if i know. i also think that in líf, zacharias has a friend who he can't physically hurt anymore. lífs already dead. been there done there got the.... glowing gel torso. i think, curse nonewithstanding, zacharias will always have some degree of tension and fear about hurting people he's in a relationship with, be that because of his issues with abandonment, of abandoning, of harm, etc. but you know. líf's kind of a rock. and he's already hit his rock bottom, now that i'm thinking about rocks. i think that kind of steady, placid deathness could really help zacharias. and i think he would find it soothing, whether or not he knew why.

plus he will be able to know that if the curse gets him, if he dies... he'll still have a friend in the realm of the dead. he doesnt have to be so afraid of leaving and getting left

so there we go! lots of musings. i have been thinkin about why my headcanons are less that and more elaborate branching theories, and i think it is because i would change my opinion depending on which story i wanted to tell or hear or see.so yeah. dunno which one of these answers belongs to the question, what does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir?, but hopefully at least one of them is interesting to read about!

OH also. i think he would be petty-ly annoyed about them cribing líf and thrasir's name. like full on scholar petty. probably showed up to the order in a nerdy huff excited to meet the actual factual líf and thrasir and turns out its just those two, sitting around glowing and reciting death metal lyrics like they're spoken word ballads. dont think he'd get over that ever.

[carternate]

i really dont understand my own feelings

and im fucking terrified of myself.

i refuse to say im okay anymore. my head isnt okay

what im feeling isnt fucking normal

and i take it out on my girlfriend but in the same respect im terrified of telling her shit because i will be exposed. i trust her i want her and i love her more than anything. but i dont know how to explain my emotions anymore. i never did actually. im a fucking mess in general. i hate that i feel stuck in a prison of my own body. its not the dumb ass transgender feeling

its a literal feeling of a cage.

i hate the people in my past. i hate that they still have an impact

i hate that i cant control myself like i used to be able to and that i cant even take my medication because i tell myself im too tough for it lmao. i literally was so close to ending my life, but in an instant this time. not some pussy shit where i begged for help and then it was possible for someone to save me

i almost really just ended it. ended it because i didnt find value in it.

i dont feel good enough and everything seems wrong

but i want to be okay and be good and make it to heaven. i used to have a passion

i used to love god with all my heart but i cant even understand it anymore

its noones fault but my own

and that hurts even more

i cant even try to blame it on another its on me this time

ive lost control

i cant even think long enough to listen in my hour long class.

i thought i was broken before because of a family that degraded me

but whatever the fuck i feel now feels eighty times worse

but i keep it internal and i cant keep it in anymore

im going to fucking explode

im falling apart completely

and im going insane

and i dont feel that i belong here

i literally will sit in my car and think of scenarios

but when i actually start to FEEL its absolutely ridiculous and insane

and SO much.

i try to bring positivity and help anna

and i try to be sure that sentences like this dont happen

but flashbacks hit me hard

the hospital, that week. that first week was insane.

its fucked to say

but i felt like i belonged there. i felt like that could be my home. from the daily vitals,to the little kid that cried in the cornwr, to the creepy ass schizophrenic girl that was my roommate, to jenna, to my freak outs.

i was crazy. but i got to take it out and do it and have people who understood it and tried to help.

geneva ohio. is not a place where i can be okay and myself authentically

i cant even be myself at my fucking work place.

nobody understands shit other than the kids that were there

during our group sessions and even during school i felt like it was okay.

there is just a hole in my head that i can not find anything to fill

im curious about everything and i hve no idea what about

i have questions

so fucking many

and noone wants to hear them

i hate that i cant concentrate

i hate that when i tell my dad im not okay i cant even look him in the eye because all i can picture is coming out of the ambulance and seeing my mom and dad looking at me screaming what hppened

and i have never felt like that in my life.

i cant let go of that. i cant let go of the visual of mallory laying at the edge of my bed before i got sent away to laurelwood looking at me like “fuck dude. you really tried.” she looked sorry for me, but not the kind that people like want. not the kind of compassion

but the scared kind. she looked scared of me. nothing has been the same aince.i want to drown iut my thoughts

and my stupid fucking stutter

and i want to lay in annas arms and cry everything out

but i also want to fucking beat the shit out of someone

and thats not me. im not violent. but i want to like bEAT THE SHIT out of someone. anyone at this point. but whatever

i dont understand how things that are so fucking simple to other people are like fucking complete brain aches for me.

i cant go anywhere alone because i am scared of being physically alone but mentally ive never been more lonely and that scares me.

the story never ends i guess.

i hate how my mind can be spinning in circles and people that say they are there can be right next to me complaining and have no idea i want to jab a knife into my body lol

but then all i would be is a coward if i just ended it all. it would technically be the easy way out and i dont want to be that person. thinking about death doesnt really even scare me anymore, and that thought scares me more than death itself.

in a perfect world i guess everything would be fine

and i would be happy

and never necessarily need to think about things that hurt me or have those little bullets shot at my head with every turn i take.

but thats not reality, and realizing that alone needs

to be a priority that i take.

i probably wont ever live a life without triggers, depression, or anxiety.

and that fucking sucks.

especially because i know that people fake their mental illness just for the attention and they dont have to live with something that prevents them from doing everyday activities or being terrified of little shit

but in my opinion that attention people seek from illness or anything in general is the worst part about it. i hate when people find out about the hospital.

i get embarrassed regardless of how many times people will tell me its okay

like sure its okay. but its not normal. going to a mental institution shouldnt be something everyone does

or everyone knows someone who went. thats just fucked. and i hate that im someone that people will be like “oh emily went to one” or the questions i will get from people are absolutely morbid and NOT their business but i feel obligated to talk about it when people ask. its a fucked up world dude. and sometimes im really fucking sick of living in it.

i just want to be okay again, even if its for a second. just a second of peace and a second of understanding. a fucking break would be nice?

a vacation away with anna and my kitty? if i could get that right now my entire heart would be full. i need two weeks to mentally get myself okay again. but lucky for me that’s not possible, and some may say “welcome to the adult world” and that is such a fucking understatement.

this is never going to be over

and im always going to not be afraid of death and im always going to not know shit about myself and im always not going to treat anyone right and i cant fucking even breathe when im walking yet i still have to work daily. and im so sick of it from beginning to end. and i want my story to fucking end already.

God if you can see this by some small celestial chance you actually give a shit about Earth and its inhabitants fucking help me.

[shay11a]

New Rules, an overly long review

Alright, let’s do this.

I’ll just start with a little disclaimer that english is not my first language and although I’m usually fluent-ish some of my sentences might not translate very well from french, so please bear with me. Also this i like barely edited so sorry about the mistakes.

I’m here to talk about my favorite fanfiction, not only in this fandom, but in all fandom (and trust me, I’m a part of a lot of fandoms), and of all the fanfictions I’ve ever read (and trust me I’ve read a lot) : New Rules by the amazing @tayegi

The first time I read, I binge read it, but make no mistake, I don’t mean that I rushed though the story in one day, oh no, I mean I couldn’t do anything else, every minute of my day that I wasn’t in class or adulting, I was reading it, but it’s one of those rare fictions where I knew I was reading something just that good that I needed to make it last as much as possible. Imagine my struggle, balancing the need to know what was going to happen next and my visceral need to make it last as much as possible because I knew I could never experience this first reading again. 

That’s how much I love this story.

Unfortunetaly, there came a time I caught up.

So I re-read it.

Again.

And Again.

To this day, I often come back to it, re-reading entirely or picking up at any point to enjoy again a moment that I particularly like. I do this often with fiction I particularly liked, but one thing that I find amazing with NR is that, contrary to most fic, no matter where I pick up, I know what is happening, what happened before that, because the plot is just so wonderfully crafted that everything has consequences, every character is relevant and their actions have consequences that they are held accountable to by the plot (dunno is this makes sense but it does in my native language sorry) I regret not posting a review under every chapter as I read, it was selfish on my part, but I needed to continue, I have some notes from this review at the end but they lack the specificity of first impressions, I apologize for that. 

I also have to mention that this review is NOT spoiler free so if you want to read it please, PLEASE New Rules before that there is absolutely NO way that you won’t thank me (and Tayegi of course) afterwards, and don’t ‘I don’t mind spoilers’ me this story DESERVES to be read spoiler free.

Alright, buckle up kiddos, let’s do this.

I. The writing

The way the plot unveils is downright cathartic. I recently re-read it entirely to make this review and going back to the first chapters and seing how everything just MAKES SENSE and how a small thing happening has consequences over everything later. Just HUH brilliant. (I’m thinking about OC’s crush on Jimin here and how through the prism of Mijoo we later see that her crush was her projecting // Jin, now THAT’S WRITING) 

The smut, how do I put it, is bomb but it doesn’t feel like smut smut, it feels like actual sex described, not idealized and in my opinion it just adds to the quality of the story, because sex is an essential part of the story, not something added to satiate the hormones of horny readers (as an ex-horny teenager, I want to thank people writing this kind of smut and say that there is nothing wrong with writing this kind of smut) or just for the sake of it because apparently having sex is the culminating point of a relationship. Sex scenes tell a story as much as argument scenes, if not more. First, because as a sex friends to lover AU (smh) it is inherently part of the story but also because the characters don’t just stop having a backstory, emotions and emotional baggage when they have sex, all those things are still present and they influence the way they act in bed. And THAT is satisfying to read.  

On many occasions, in the fanfic writing community, you can hear (read?) people saying, « this fiction could / should be published like an actual book » I’m not here to further the debate on real literature, fanfiction and so what not, but this fiction is one that, more importantly than it being published, I feel like I could study in english class, take an extract and study the amazing characterization, how the scene furthers the plot, what are the literary devices used to do so. I feel like I could study the running metaphors, the sub plots and how they correlate so well to the main plot and further the characterization of a character, the plot itself or something else. Everything feels like a neatly knitted masterpiece. 

In that aspect, one scene that I particularly liked was the one where OC is hidden listening to JK and Hyejin, and as she hears what he says, she crushes the rose in her hand. It’s such a simple and yet telling idea: her bourgeoning love and hope for a romantic relationship symbolized by the ultimate romantic symbol : a rose, and JK’s words make her try and crush those feelings, but she hurts herself doing so, because the action itself is a painful one — trying to refrain hope / trying to suffocate feelings — but also because love, just like roses has thorns that may hurt, that’s why JK is so afraid of committing it seems, and the irony is that he is doing exactly that to someone else. (My explanation is so messy plfnmesdmflfmqf sorry)

One recurring idea/plot device that I have noticed is the one of misunderstanding / misreading each others. OC and JK constantly misread each others (I’m thinking about the scene in the bar where she rubs his back affectionately and he interprets it in a sexual way) and idk but something about this really hits me hard, because it’s human, so inherently human, this makes the characters feel like human beings not fictional archetypes. Because in real life, we can’t take a step back and have a view of the bigger picture the way we can as an omniscient reader who remembers very well what one said or did earlier that explains their behavior. In real life we dont know and cannot guess why people act a certain way based on some hinted at tragic backstory that would explain their commitment issues.

On a lighter note, the writing is just so freaking FUNNY, like I can’t count how many times I cackled like an idiot reading. + Tayegi has a way of cutting from scenes to scenes or from dialogue to dialogue that is just so FUNNY (if it was a movie I would talk about editing because it’s exactly how it feels, like when you got A saying ‘I will never do that’ and it cuts and the next frame is A doing exactly that)

More on the writing in the notes for every chapter further below.

II. Feminism, social justice and me relating to everything 

Ok this part is going to be a bit more personal but I had to address how much main girl and her struggles resonated with me. As a feminist myself I VERY often struggles with the same problem : that is when my beliefs come brutally crashing with the social constructs I have internalized and have yet to deconstruct as well as the people surrounded me who don’t necessarily share the same belief. And the way Tayegi portrayed this is spot on not to say borderline genius. 

Her mixed feelings when facing Hoseok « not like other girls �� comments or the conversation where she struggles to explain why she is fucking the notorious fuckboy despite her talks about hook-up culture were punches in the guts to me, because feminists are always the ones to be criticized the most easily (I am aware that my phrasing here is horrendous but I don’t know how to word this differently again sorry English is not my native language) and the slightest slip-up will be pointed at by people who aren’t even feminist but see an easy way to gaslight them. So, to read this, to read another woman facing the same situations and being as utterly upset and sometime powerless as I felt, god was it cathartic. 

And don’t get me started on the way she always ALWAYS sticks by her principles of sorority, even to the women that have been nothing less than mean to her and how hard it is to support other women when we live in a society that always pit women against each others. I FELT that. But nevertheless main girl tries to, she compliments Somin on her dress, Hiejin as well even though they both have been openly hostile (and even mean sometimes) to her. I truly felt this, all theses little moments, just a sentence here and there, but I felt them in my guts.

III. The characters 

The characters, oh god, the characters. OC ? Marry me. JK? Marry me (also I want to slap him but it’s another story). Taehyung ? Marry me. Mijoo? Marry me.   

The relationship between OC and her BFF is in my opinion one of the best thing about the pic and one that really remarks it from other, the twist about twist alsmot made me believe it would be like every other pic where oc ends up with virtually no friend (especially female ones because like everyone know girls cause drama riiiight ) but it happens so early ? How could it ooooh it’s not like that, OC and her BFF and mature enough to discuss it, it still has  consequences, the scene where OC accuses BFF of pushing her onto Jk to make herself feel better about jimmy still gives me chills because, yeah, it makes sens that she would, and it kinda feels like she did with how insistant she has been, but again, we are told the story from OC’s perspective, so obviously she feels bad when BFF insists that her and JK are meant to be bc she knows that JK wouldn’t date her, but again, as readers, we can kinda see from BFF perspective, they indeed look perfect for one another and only misunderstanding and insecurities and Jk’s past seems to be in the way (okay granted when you say it like that it seems like a lot), but in the end, Mijoo also seems genuine in the way she pushes them together, even though, yeah she might have, consciously or not done it for that reason.

i don’t know if I want a happy ending for OC and JK, I want one because they are so good and sweet together and after everything they’ve been through I feel like they sort of deserve it, but after everything they’ve been through, especially the way JK has behaved, it seems hard for a happy ending to happen. I feel like it’s going to take a lot of time and talking (including his backstory that has been hinted at a few times wink wink) for them to work things out, if they work things out.

I’ve mentioned that before but : THE SORORITY oh lord where do I start? OC standing up for Hyejin and Somin even when they had a few rough patches, sign me the fuck UP. OC not turning totally on her best friend Mijoo (my girl btw) and overlooking their friendship and what she had done for her in the time of Jin because Mijoo made a selfish mistake ? Yes please, MORE.

Hoseok is, in my opinion, spot ON. It took me some time to exactly pin point who he reminded me of but then I realized he is exactly what I call the 'apolitical guy’, who is convinced to not have controversial opinion and would deny ever having prejudice when he clearly has (i.e. the scene where Oc calls him out on his misogynie

I have to admit that Hyejin and Somin are amongst my favorites because even though the plot (and the fact that we are basically supposed to be on OC’s side as the story is told from her perspective)  makes them very unsympathetic, your writing allows us to understand their actions and empathize with them. Learning about Hyejin’s past with JK makes her look like the character of a fan fiction where she could have been the main character unfortunately for her, this is OC’s story so Hyejin can’t get the guy in the end. But truly, her backstory feels like an entire other ff in the story and to be honest basically every other character’s backstory as well as the subplots feel this way. And Somin, well Somin is basically going through the same thing as OC but with Hoseok so how can we mock her for it while crying for OC ? That’s impossible and that’s why your writing is so powerful, there is no clear ‘bad guy’ (appart from J*n but who cares about that roquefort face) and everyone is in that gray, humane area. 

Every character has so many layer (I don’t count JK and OC in this because at this point we can’t talk about layers anymore it’s a damn millefeuille) and getting to discover more about them is amazing. 

Basically, every side character reflects something on OC and JK and further the plot, the themes while feeling like their own individuals with their own complex thoughts and problems and I think that’s fucking brilliant. 

And now onto my notes for every chapter (it’s low-key very messy sorry)

Chapter 1 :

Lord to thing that it started with a simple friend request :’)

I love how in the very first line, OC telling Mijoo how she knows JK instantly characterizes him to the reader, it’s smart BUT also characterize OC as someone quick witted and serious/professional but also very sarcastic, funny and taking no shit from anyone. Incipit done well here. I mean, so much exposition is crammed into the very first lines but it just feels soooo natural!

I also love how the dynamic between Mijoo and OC can appear « basic » but will later be revealed to be so much more complex and profound and that’s basically how everything in this fic just keep getting better and more complex as you read.

Also, I love how OC and JK’s first encounter is because they are both trying to help their best friends, I missed it in the first reading but it’s so telling of their characters. Also I appreciate OC not hating on JK just because she hates him from afar and he suddenly notices her and gets turned on by that (like in a lot of ff let’s not lie, I love myself some bad boy!AU but it’s getting redundant), she genuinely seems to not give a fuck about him and it’s so funny to me somehow, my girl just minding her business, getting her straight A’s and doing charity work, we stan. Also, the entire part where they complain about Jimin and Mijoo is downright hilarious 

I really like the way JK says the poetry assignment is easy, hinting at the fact that he is, in fact, not a stupid fuckboi cliché (+ what happens with their presentation and him working his BUTT of)

The entire part where OC and Jk act like they are together is so DAMN FUNNY but at the same time it just shows that they have great chemistry from the get go and I love that. (But seriously it’s so f*ing funny)

I love they way OC’s crush on Jimin is brought up, it’s not outwardly said, but the way he is described form her pov makes it obvious and her helplessness when looking at him and Mijoo is just so heartbreaking (+ getting to me on a personal level since I’ve been in a very similar situation for years so :))) like, you can feel that she doesn’t want to be feeling this way, and is obviously trying to help her BFF and be selfless but cannot help but feel jealousy.+ JK immediately catching up on her crush, showing he is more observant than you’d think.

JK and OC being dumb & dumber AND partner in crime is everything I’ve ever wanted

The description of the feeling of loneliness post-parties is so accurate, and the way she feels is so relatable and heartbreaking. 

The part about anguish and the way she feels suffocated by her feminine attire got to me and honestly I got really close to cryingThe end of the chapter upsets me in the best way, to see JK be so oblivious to how vulnerable and lonely OC is, man it really makes the entire thing so much more gutswrenching.

Highlights (basically lines that made me laugh or that I find particularly well written) :

“then I don’t know why he’s friended you”

“should I block him too?” 

“can you get you get more obvious without tattooing ‘Park Jimin’ on your ass? It’s obvious he owns it anyways”

“why does this kid has so many shirtless selfies”

“it’s like this boy is like a walking cliché of the world’s most basic fuckboi” I see what you did here ;)))

“Ah… you knew?” The way I laugh EVERY time at this line

“Would you be really mad at me if I poured this all over your boobs?“ alkfnenfmefnkgjh Mijoo is my queen

“try her ass instead” JK you absolute moron genius

“Mijoo as been trying to get you laid since freshman” I looove how this just sounds so random and plays into the cliché of the extroverted BFF trying to drag OC to parties and get her laid but with OC’s backstory // Jin it makes SO much more sense

“I won’t feed you lies” he, said, you know, like a liar.

“Your worth as a woman isn’t defined by your purity or whatever bullshit” love the hint at the later reveal that JK is, indeed, a woke king. We stan

“But unfortunately, you aren't the altruistic saint you wish you could be. You suffer from the same human emotions that plague everyone. And they aren't pretty.Despite what the artists and poets claim, the world works in a logical way. It's a simple mathematical formula. Girls like Mijoo end up with their princes. And you remain a bitter stepsister, helpless but to watch their happily ever after from a distance. One that you'll never achieve.” God that part.... 

“Here is a man who actually wants you. Not you, but your body, a little voice in the back of your head reminds you. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that someone might actually desire you…  ... He feels so thick inside of you that for a moment, the hole in your chest is filled”  This is what I mean when I say that the smut in this story makes SENSE

“You wish you could cling onto this feeling forever so you'll never feel empty again.” The way this scene is supposed to be all smut sexy time but it is actually one of the most emotionally packaged and heart wrenching scene, really I can’t with your writing </333 

“He grins at that, "I thought you knew me better than to take anything I said seriously?“Jk you manipulative mf I hate your fuckboi ass

"Ugh, please don't tell me you're a cuddler," you grumble as you twist in his embrace. "I'm not," he denies, but the way he buries his nose in your hair says otherwise, "And don't think about asking me to stay the night, because I'm not that kind of guy." The dynamic of the entire duo summed up in one paragraph

Chapter 2 :

The moment she reassures Mijoo and see what she is missing is :((

I remember than the first time I read new rules and feminist JK came clean I was honestly shocked (years of being guarded around men’s misoginy and fake feminism I guess) but re-reading it, it’s so nice to see the hints everywhere that he genuinely is and it warms my heart.

The convo JK and OC have about relationships and meaningless sex is not only such a good foreshadowing of the problems they will face later when it comes to coming clean about both their feelings (looking at you JK you moron) but also such a relatable feeling of ‘I know I said men are trash but I’m still vaguely heterosexual and would really like to believe that some aren’t and I know it sounds like I’m reassuring myself and honestly I am because it’s starting to become hard to really believe that’

The twits oh god the TWIST!!! The heartbreak it gave me, I was going to put some sentences in the highlights but honestly I almost ended up putting the entire scene so I gave in but it’s just so well written and nerve wracking to see what could have been and to realize that the friend that OC has been putting so much effort into helping betrayed her.  Like, I can emphasis enough how much I cried reading this, considering I have been in a very similar situation, and that’s probably why this struck a chord so powerfully but wow. 

The blowjob scene is simply another brilliant double meaning smut scene, the way OC is trying to regain control over something, someone, even if it’s not the one she wants, the way she makes him beg to hear compliments, heartbreaking (I know I’ve said this word like a million time and we’re just on chapter 2 but your writing really is something else) 

The scene where she confronts Mijoo is in my opinion one of the BEST I have ever read, the way you can feel her heartbreak and her powerlessness but also the maturity she exudes, the way she tries to be the bigger person and do what’s right, lord I see myself here and it fucking hurts.

���He really likes you, Mijoo. Don’t let him slip away… You’ll only regret it.”  The double meaning that applies to OC here is killing me  

“On any other day, this is the kind of party you would protest, running around with a half dozen other of your feminist friends as you collect signatures for a boycott.” <3

“Wait… what makes you think that we’re supposed to be the hoes?”  <3 <3

“Yeah. You really do.” Jk sometimes I really like you 

“No, sweetheart. You’re the childish one for not being able to accept grown up emotions. Why is falling in love and caring for someone outside of their physical appearance so shameful to you? You need to grow the fuck up and realize that feeling for another human being does not make you weak.”<3 <3 <3

“Frat brothers are despicable…except this one, of course.” Absolutely love how first reading makes it sound like her crush is speaking and second reading shows her idealization of him here 

“You swallow the lump in your throat. It would be one thing to see them wildly making out or grinding in the mosh pit like all the other horny kids. But to see them so enveloped in each other, content to just hug for the rest of the night… It hurts you more than you can express. You’d rather walk in on them fucking. This display of the purest affection… No one has ever held you like that before.You’re jealous. It’s shameful how horrendously jealous you are.”</3

“You need me?” you repeat in a small voice.” OC baby I get you I love you and you deserve th world ;(( </3

“You feel like such a villain, grilling this angel and making her upset. It’s such an irritating feeling, but you can’t choke it back.“It’s not like I liked him anyways…” Lord what have you done to my heart and I think it’s my favorite sentence in the entire story !

Chapter 3 :

OC protecting and looking out for Yerin is just so adorable I CAN’T

The discussion with Hyejin, the foreshadowing!!!!!!!

The way OC is self-aware and thinks JK only wants her body (and at the time it was highly likely) just makes the scene that much more heartbreaking, which makes me realize that all the smut scene up until now have been that way. 

The entire chapter feels like a BIG call out to me thanks for that I guess. (I’m kidding it was wonderful and actually got me reflecting a lot on my habits and self deprecation)

“the ugly cage around your heart loosen a bit”

“Wow, your fungal cream is so nice. I hope you get that infection checked out." We love a considerate and caring man

“You would take this over the hollowness in your chest. You would gladly take the meaningless sex, the hard pounding of your pussy without a single gesture of affection. Who needs an emotional connection when you can have the pain beat out of you? Who needs someone to like you when you have someone to use you?”  No words.

Chapter 4 :

I don’t know if I said that already but I just looooove the way you sprinkle hints here and here about everything ! Foreshadowing events and future revelations it’s just so nice to read and makes second (and third, and fourth) reading sooooo much more entraining and satisfying <3333. Like Oc and Mijoo are drunk and we get a snip at what happened freshman year, there were other hints previously but this just makes the reader WANT to know what the f* went down. And it makes up for Mijoo betrayal, it’s a nice way of explaining why OC « brushed » over her betrayal, we know that she was there in such a hard time for OC and yes it really builds the suspense around that whilst portraying Mijoo as more than the fake BFF who betrayed, I love that.

I love the way you use the word ‘ugly’ and how it’s very often associated with jealousy.

I want to address how much I adore your side characters and sub-plots. Like all of them are so likable (even Somin) and feel like genuine people with their own complex thoughts, seriously your characterization is out of this world! (special shout-out to Yoongi who is spot-ON imo). Like, I want to hangout with these people and be their friends. 

ALso I feel like we are really starting to see Jk and OC’s chemistry (unrelated to being evil little matchmaker) and it’s SOOOOOO good, it feels so natural and seeing them slowly slide into a romantic relationship (don’t tell Jk) seems like the most  natural thing (+ everyone thinking they are actually together and honestly they are)

"Hey so you like kick around a ball or whatever?" I love your humor I genuinely laughed at this 

"Balls?" he says pointedly.” Same here

"Who are you talking about?" Jungkook asks in confusion, "I don't have a—ah you mean ___?" You sure didn’t think for long jk 👀👀and you didn’t even deny it 👀👀👀and you came as soon as being asked 👀👀👀👀👀👀sus 

"Beats me," he whispers back, "I didn't even know we had a soccer team until this week!"LMAOOOOOOOOO

Chapter 5 :

The foreshadowing with Bang telling JK he is worried about his performance !! That’s why I love this fic so much! EVERYTHING is here, nothing happens out of the blue, you just have to pay attention to things to see things coming and not in a predictable but rather gratifying way.

The scene where OC hugs JK ? a masterpiece. I don’t know what more to say about it, it’s one of those things that touch on such a level that deconstructing it feels impossible and would break the spell, the intimacy I felt between the two of them and the stark contrast with Hyejin are perfect to characterize their relationship. Feels natural behind closed doors but lacking the words to clarify what they are, especially when faced with other people, and themselves. I L O V E it.

“you watch Taehyung roll around in the grass with his high-tech camera” don’t know why this is so funny to me but it is 

"Are we not speaking the same language right now?!" Jungkook barks into the receiver, "Are you fucking high?" The fact that he barks it makes it even funnier

Chapter 6 :

Oc’s conversation with Taehyung about hookup culture (and her behavior at large) just SCREAM ‘I have had such a terrible experience with love before that I cannot even begin to think about letting it happen again otherwise I will never love again’ and it HURTS. But! The way she approaches things with such maturity and is so in touch with her feelings is simply admirable. 

When OC is caught between Hoseok and JK at the party !!! It’s so frustrating but in the best  way possible because they got soooo close to actually talking things out clearly and making things better but their pride and whatever got in the way and we know it! JK and Oc I love y’all but also you’re so stupid. (Also it’s exactly what I was talking about in my ‘misunderstanding each others’ part. I feel like this is during this chapter that they really start to fuck up the communication because that’s the chapter where it becomes abundantly clear that feeeeelings are starting to get into the mix, they both try to distract themselves (unconsciously or not) with someone else, HYejin and Hoseok, and miserably fails. 

Also the domesticity!! That’s cute and fluffy and I’m blushing like I’m 12 year old again. 

“You’re right, » he says « I have to get more creative” I have said that Taehyung is hands down the funniest character here ?

"I want someone to choose me," you admit in a small voice, "I want someone to fall for my personality—to love me because of my hot temper and annoying disobedience, not in spite of it. I want this person to be surrounded by prettier, nicer, sweeter girls, but still seek me out… I'd rather them fall for my personality first, then settle for superficial traits like my lacking appearance… Is that really too much to ask?" Once again, thanks for calling me out also I’m crying this is one of the best paragraphs you have written

“He's like a character from a 1950's romance novel stepped off the page” Oc sweetheart remember something else about the 50’s 👀👀 Like ... the sexism ?

“The moon is high in the sky at this point of night, not shrouded by dark clouds for once, and illuminating the entire rooftop with its luminous silvery gleam. But for some reason, it seems like all the moonlight concentrates into a single beam on Hoseok, surrounding him in a brilliant white halo. You swallow tightly and drop your gaze as though burned.” The imagery here is beautiful and I like that you associated him with the moon when he is usually the sun 

"Oh, honey… You don't have to pretend to be strong in front of me." And there goes my heart.

"Did you think I was going to let her sleep on the streets or something?" is his sarcastic reply.You roll your eyes, "Thanks, Yoongi." We love character development (their friendship is so endearingly funny)

"Right… But um… what happened after the game on Saturday… uh…" A blush suddenly suffuses his cheeks, coloring his skin a lovely shade of rose, "I… I just wanted to—""Ah, that's right. There's another game next week," you hastily steer the conversation away, terrified by what he might say. "Don't worry, I'll be there too. I really need to start writing this article.""Oh, right… That's exactly what I was going to say," he says, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.” I want to slap some sense in these idiots’ heads 

"Yeah, but the problem is that I don’t want to." I am S C R E E C H I N G

Chapter 7 :

The scene where they wake up together and he smiles and calls her pretty and the misunderstanding scene makes me want to slap them you belated idiots

SO MUCH things happen in this chapter and I think it’s one of my favorite!! I have to say that the scene where OC protests against the date auction and faces the resistance of her sorority hit close to home. It’s always so heartbreaking to see fellow girls complying to sexism. 

Also also, feminist JK keeps me up at night. Fuck yeah. (You know the lisa simpson meme with the orange juice, that’s me with feminist JK, give me MORE of that. 

Also, her performance : I C O N I C

"You're just exclusive fuck buddies… Even though you don't do casual sex and Jungkook doesn't do exclusive. It totally doesn't feel like you're hiding your feelings." My thought exactly Mijoo

“Staying so guarded might protect you from pain… But it'll also protect you from any happiness." *Slow clapping*

“Why would you go for someone who doesn't see your worth? You deserve to be with someone picks you out in a sea of people. Who likes you the best." 👀👀👀

"…Do not resuscitate… Got it," you solemnly note.” You’re so funnyykekzldk

“You aggressively bid from backstage, even as Taehyung motions for you to get lost” I laughed out loud at this

« sold » HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIJIfhehfqenfoneqlfnqdkfncqefnlmzfkbnrdbfksvm kjnefkenfe hAAAAH ????!!! flefnekf HIIII ç!!!!ç!uj

Chapter 8 :

I’m sorry there is not much commentary about this one but I can for the life of me read it with a critical eye since I’m too caught up in the suspense and the fact that a million things are happening, the only thing I can think about is that your fiction, although it is a college AU is so versatile and you touch on so many other genre (here : sport) and manage to successfully make every single one enthralling and further your plot!

“Maybe if I had lost, you would've hugged me again." HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIJZKELMLDIZPEKDLEBDLLDKKEJ 

"Please, ___. Please don't go."But sheer panic flashes in his eyes when you attempt to shake him loose. "Don't leave me," he croaks out in desperation, "Please, ___. Don't leave me…"Not like she did." Don’t think I’m not seeing what you’re doing here 👀👀

Chapter 9 :

I feel high-key stupid because that’s like the 6th time I read New rules but I just realized that there might be a parallel going on between Jk and OC’s story, it’s obvious with the hints that you’ve sprinkled that something bad happened with JK’s past girlfriend but it’s just now re-reading Oc’s backstory with Jin that I realize that JK might have been in the ‘fucking around to get back/over his ex’ stage of his breakup like OC in the summer Freshman year, which led to him having his fuckboy reputation despite not ‘really’ being one (i.e. him saying that he hates hookup culture when Oc talks about her story)

Also, empathetic, feminist and understanding men make me w*t. 

"Yes," he says, a smile tugging at his lips, "Yes, you did." I sEE YOU 

"I don't know what goes through that fantastical imagination of yours” This might be my favorite line ever

“But you don't move one inch. Because you know Jungkook better than that.” Aaaawwwwwwww

Chapter 10 :

This is some greek tragedy shit right here. Mijoo trying to push OC and Jk because she feels guilty about JImin (she way you write it makes it seem so believable but I can’t decide if it’s true or not because we are seeing Oc’s perspective here and she knows she actually crushed on Jimin while Mijoo doesn’t, which would be a huge factor in her pushing OC towards JK) and also because she is the only one with a brain? Oc refusing to believe it and opposing semi-logical semi-bullshit arguments to convince Mijoo and even more herself that this isn’t happening because she heard JK talking to Hyejin ? Jk saying that because he’s an insecure asshole (and also very probably because of his ex girlfriend wink wink) whilst acting like the most belated man, ever ? Na a TRAGEDY!!!!!

Also, the entire speech that Mijoo gives, everything she says ???? A punch to the GUTS! ! ! 

THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER THEY CONSTANTLY THINK THE WRONG THING I WANT TO TIE THEM TO A CHAIR AND FORCE THEM TO ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (in a oh god HOW are they going to fix this and finally come to an understanding of each other kind of way)

He finally breathes when she says his name I’m :(((((((((

“it wasn’t fun” Love how this simple line implies that Mijoo and Jimin have problems and arguments of their own and makes them feel like human beings who have a life outside of the story.

“Or was your image of him so perfect and unrealistic that you couldn't tolerate these humanizing details?" Ouch!

"You're only pushing Jungkook on me to ease your guilt for stealing Jimin away from me!" I don’t have the words to explain the way I felt when I first read this line except : oh fuck. Goosebumps. Literal goosebumps.

"I like him," you abruptly confess, your soft voice breaking through the tense silence the same way the brilliant meteors abruptly burst across the darkness of night. "I like him so much." Masterpiece 

“It's equally horrifying and an absolute relief to finally admit this deeply harbored secret after so long. After all these months of repression, it feels like a dam has burst with the way your emotions come tumbling out, threatening to choke you and sweep you underwater.” I said MASTERPIECE ! !

“Mijoo," you gasp, "What do I do?" Im crying. This isn’t a figure of speech. This isn’t an exaggeration. I’m crying. This entire scene is so powerful 

“You know your role. You're just the side character—the best friend or comic relief. You have no right to even dream about a life by Jungkook's side—much less to feel this amount of pain and jealousy seeing him with another girl” .... talk about being relatable 

“The loud electronic beat is pulsing through your veins with the same painful intensity of the tequila beating against the soft tissue of your brain. You feel like you’re being consumed by the powerful sensations… and yet, it's not enough to protect you from the helpless thoughts drifting across your mind, no matter how much you try to ward them back.” You really shine when it comes to making me cry 

"Can't you just let me be petty and sulk for once?" Baby :(

“How could you have misinterpreted the situation so horrifically?” Well we have this saying in French that goes : love makes you fucking blind 

“At this point of night, the moon has fully risen overhead, and its silvery rays cast down across the ocean, illuminating everything in white-gold. Awed, you can't help admiring the way the moonbeams kiss the top of Jungkook's black hair and the angles of his face, sheathing his figure like a cold halo.The waves continue to beat against the sandy beach like clockwork, and you  sway with them, as though lost in a rhythmic dance lulled by the force of the moon. Your thundering pulse acts as a metronome in this dance, pounding away at a dozen beats per each drag across the shore. You are cold. So cold that you've lost all feeling in your hands and legs. But for some reason, you don't feel the need to shiver anymore.” <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“Could it have possibly been a defense mechanism? Was he just trying to protect himself in advance?” We are making PROGRESS

"Why is everything about sex with you?" HE SAID! AS IF HE WANS’T ABOUT TO DO WHAT HE IS AVOUT TO DO AND MAKE IT ABOUT SEX I HATE THIS MF

Chapter 11 :

My heart is non existent.The way Oc swallows her feelings to protect Yerin and stands up for her ❤️

I want to thank you for introducing a gay character in your story also Yoongi is one of the most interesting character in the story.

The way everything is slowly coming to a conclusion and every piece of the puzzle settles in the right place is so damn satisfying UGH

The scene where OC confronts Jk is so fucking satisfying, a masterpiece, 10/10, everything I wanted to hear come out of her mouth, my girl knows what’s up and won’t let this fucker get away with it.

"I've told you since day one that I'm not that kind of guy. God, can you even imagine me in a relationship?" he says with a derisive snort that feels like a punch to your stomach, "Did you honestly think that you could trap me into one with sex, ___? Or with a kiss? Come on. Get real." Your insecurities are showing asshole

"I hope you get over this soon, ___," he tells you in a sincere tone, "So we can get back to the way things were." Fight me in a parking lot salopard de merde

“Well, at least you've learned your lesson now.” I had to take a pause after this part 

"What if they were my parents?" he asks in a quiet voice, "My siblings? My community back home? The people I love most in this world? What would you have me do then?" As a closeted bisexual this one hit close to home

“But Yoongi turns to you with an incredulous look, "You can't be serious. Anyone with eyes could tell that Kook is completely whipped for you. Where is this coming from?” Yoongi is my man 

"You're a fucking coward." My thoughts exactly

Chapter 12 :

Getting through this chapter without crying is genuinely hard..All the girls standing up for themselves and not taking shit for the shitty men in their lives ???? YES PLEAse. And thank you for not only that but also including the girls that the story pushed us not to like that much up until now like Hyejin and Somin when really they were going through the same things as the holy trinity of best girls OC, Mijoo and Yerin. 

I have… mixed feelings and I feel like these feelings are exactly what OC has been feeling all along with the conflict between her beliefs and her heart. I wanted them to go through this and by being « willing » JK would have eventually just realized everything and stuff  because I love romance and shit. But I also want OC to get what she deserves, and it’s not that. I want them to have this happy ever after end but I feel like we won’t get that before long because as Hyejin pointed out, JK clearly needs to grow the fuck up.

"Oh, ___," she sighs your name.” Don’t mind me I’ll be crying over there 

“For a split second, you consider feigning ignorance. It would be so damn easy to laugh along with him and continue living this lie of being the cool, sporty tomboy who doesn't care about stupid "girly" things. After all, Hoseok isn't a bad guy. He's so handsome, popular, and kind. And he likes you. Someone actually likes you. Isn't that better than being alone? For a split second, you're tempted to grab his hand and flash him an award-winning smile. For a split second, you contemplate giving up all your morals and living a life of comfort with this lovely, charismatic man.” I love you so much for writing this

"Sexist?" he repeats in horror, "The fuck are you talking about?! I'm no sexist!" You’ve perfectly channeled the  and OC’s entire speech to him should be taught in school 

"We're just in different places right now," you inform him in a small voice, "It'll never work out, so please don't make this harder than it needs to be." I’m dying but also proud, producing

"I think I'll channel Somin and cut the toxicity out of my life." Attagirl 

To wrap up this overly long review, I want to say thank you to Tayegi for writing this piece and feeling generous enough to share it with us, reading this story and seeing the plot unravel, characters be introduced and developed was a true privilege. I rarely connect with the « reader » in reader fics and just say a random name in my head (or even 'your name ») but here, here… Never have I been so close to actually feeling like I’m the one in the fiction, not for the romance but for the way she is portrayed, for her ideas and how hard it is to stand by them sometimes, for her past and traumas. New rules is a masterpiece, and the fact that I connected to it on such a personal level, which, arguably could cloud my judgement, doesn’t make it any less.

[illfoandillfie]

Hi again, I’m the one that requested about the romantic soulmate and when will it come and yes, please can you tell me more about them? I asked if I’d ever meet them because sometimes it feels like it won’t happen so I’m more like I could wait forever as long as they get here you know? But if you could tell me more, I’d be grateful. Also yes, I know that you can’t give me a specific time but I wonder more like if it’s in the near future or later on in life. Again, thank you💕

This was fun! Hopefully some of this will make sense, even if it’s not straight away lmao if you have any more questions or theres anything else you’re curious about let me know and i’ll see if any of my decks can give us some clues!

So to start I drew 4 attribute cards to try and get a sense of this person’s personality. Each archetype has light and shadow attributes, though it doesn’t necessarily mean all of them will be exhibited. More that they are negative aspects that this person has the potential to fall into (eg: just because the shadow attribute of trickster talks about manipulating others, it doesn’t mean this person is going to be overtly manipulative of you. but they might be good at playing the system to benefit themselves or something like that)

We got:

Trickster - Light attribute: Transcending convention, stuffiness and predictable behaviour / Shadow atrribute: Manipulating others through duplicity

Mentor - Light attribute: Passing on wisdom and refining a student’s character / Shadow attribute - Inability to allow the student to move on to the role of Master. Imparting false instruction

Exorcist - Light attribute: Freeing yourself and others of destructive impulses / Shadow attribute - Fear of facing your own demons 

Visionary - Light attributes - Capacity to envision what is not yet conceivable to others. Willingness to proclaim a vision without regard for personal gain. / Shadow attributes - Selling insights to the highest bidder. Compromising your vision to make it more acceptable.

So from these it seems this person will be a little outside the box, maybe they have a particular style of dress which is unusual or a special interest/hobby that is a bit odd. With both mentor and exorcist they may have a background in teaching or social work - even if they are no longer on that path. It might not even be an official degree they have, they might just be particularly aware of the system, maybe they know someone who benefits from AA meetings something like that. It could be as simple as them tutoring school/uni/college students. With the visionary archetype it seems they’d be a bit of a dreamer, probably a creative thinker.

Next thing i did was draw some letters and charms to try and get some more info on what they’re like.

For the letters we got D, E, I, F, R, L, I, O, P - there may be initials in here. with the two Is it might mean this person has double letters in their name. There might also be other words in here to describe them. 

I know I’m seeing DILF lmao but also Pride (so maybe they’re lgbt or just proud of who they are/what they have accomplished), Pie (maybe the like to bake?), Leo and fire (so maybe they’re a leo or a fire sign or have a fire dominated natal chart)

have a look what words jump out at you as well and see how you might be able to connect them (i can’t see any names in there but im notoriously bad at anagram things so maybe you can)

As for the charms:

The world on the dice and the eiffel tower both suggest overseas travel, so this person might be well traveled or they might have a specific connection to France. 

The shell could represent a connection to the sea or the beach. In dream interpretations shells have a few meanings. They can represent having a hard exterior but being soft on the outside so this person might come across as cold or closed off until you get to know them better. Shells can also be a symbol of wanting protection so it might be that this person has a defensive streak or they are very protective of those they love. Shells are also connected with the goddess Venus and so are seen as signs of sexual pleasure. 

words you got here are freedom, sassy and reach(ing) - freedom i think definitely makes sense with the trickster archetype above and maybe the visionary one as well. 

You also got the Make Poverty History badge so this person may donate money or time to a charity (or multiple charities). The badge also says Stand Up And Be Counted so it might represent this person being outspoken, especially about things that are important to them. 

The hand charm reminds me of the Hamsa symbol, even though theres no eye on the palm. the Hamsa is a symbol of protection or warding off evil. Aside from that, open palmed hands can be a symbol of open communication, so that is definitely a good sign. In dreams palms can also indicate a chance meeting with a stranger who may become a romantic partner so that just ties into what i said in the previous reading about you not having met them yet. 

And finally we have 2 different scissor charms. To me this represents sharp - sharp wit, sharp mind, sharply dressed. But scissors can also be a sign of decisiveness, or of a fear of being cut off for something. This person is likely the sort who knows what they want and will go after it. Once they make a decision they stick with it. And once they meet you, they’re not going to want to leave you. 

To try and get some more info on how you’ll meet I drew some tarot cards. 

7 of pentacles, 10 of pentacles, king of pentacles, 7 of wands, the tower, ace of pentacles.

Look at all those motherfucking pentacles. Just like I said in the previous reading, this definitely has something to do with work. With the king of pents there in the middle I’m inclined to say this person may work at the same place as you, maybe in a managerial role or at least someone higher up the chain than you. Or maybe they just have more experience in the role than you do. 

The last few cards are the most interesting. The 7 of wands is a card of conflict or struggles though it doesn’t necessarily have to be negative. It can represent standing your ground or defending yourself or others. The tower is a sign of dramatic and unexpected change, often negative. I pulled a clarifying card for it as well, to see if we could get some info on what this tower moment is and i got the ace of pentacles. The ace of pents is about new opportunities, especially related to money or work.

To me this says something is going to happen that will cause a dramatic change to your work. Now, I can see this going either two way. At it’s most negative this is a conflict, maybe with someone you work with, maybe just the work environment itself. Maybe it’s one of those things where every day becomes a struggle and you start to hate your job and you dont want to be there anymore. This leads to the tower moment of you quitting and finding a new job.

OR, at it’s most positive - the conflict moment still happens, but because of how well you handle the situation you’re offered a promotion or a transfer or something like that. It’s still a new opportunity, it still has the stress and sudden change that the tower indicates, but it’s not quite as negative.

Whichever way it goes, it leads to you meeting or coming into closer contact with this person, the king of pentacles, your soulmate. 

(As a side note, in the previous reading we drew the queen of pentacles and now we’ve drawn the king so if you wanted proof that they’re The One, that’s it. Also like, the story these cards tell matches so well with the last reading, the work, the new opportunity im like a little stunned by it)

In an effort to lean more about them and more about when you’ll meet I pulled some romance angels. You got:

Forgiving and Learning - as you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moments

Very Soon - clearly decide what you want so that it comes to you now

Keep an Open Mind - your soul mate may differ from your usual type and expectations

Trust - This situation is calling for you to have faith

So, in the context of when will you meet, trust is obviously asking you to have faith that the universe will bring this person towards you even if it seems to be taking forever. And also trust that this person is right for you, especially if they’re different from what you might expect as the keep an open mind card suggests. Obviously the most interesting is Very Soon which suggests that you’ll meet them sooner rather than later. I pulled a number tile as i was focusing on that card to try and get an indication of timing and you got a 3. Now, that could be 3 day, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years. It might also be a number relevant to the time when you meet them (maybe 3 weeks AFTER something else or maybe 3pm or even you’ll just see the number 3 around a lot as a warning that they’re coming)

And finally. I have a deck of channeled messages. These are things that your person might be thinking or might be wanting to say to you. Take them with as many grains of salt as you like but I figured it could be fun. The white cards are messages from the person, light blue are messages from the deck/universe.

The one blue card we got is They are waiting for you and really I think that sets the tone of all of these cards.

I just dream and wish for everything, I just want you all the time, I lie awake thinking about our future. This person is ready to meet you, they are sick of dating around, sick of the wrong people, they want something real and long lasting. 

Please give me time I’ve never felt this way before. You’ll need to wait a little longer before you meet them but not much longer. It’s next to I think we should slow down in reverse, they want this to happen as soon as possible, they are as sick of waiting as you are. 

Definitely is designed to look like The Tower card which is very interesting but with this one there is no question of it having a positive outcome, even if it feels hard in the moment it will be worth it.

And finally, I’m too afraid to talk in reverse. It’s likely this person will approach you, there’s no fear there, no worry about what you’ll say. And once they start talking to you they’re going to keep talking to you. 

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol) 

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre... 

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable.. 

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol! 

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...) 

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho... 

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?! 

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue! 

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

[ritamcgee]

My Ex Wants Me Back What Should I Do Marvelous Ideas

You will need a concrete plan and are ready to keep your relationship but he doesn't dislike you either - it just does not need your permission or want to get an answer with regards to trying to get your girlfriend back.Breaking off contact with him/her if possible.Just be sure that they do give you the cold shoulder?This will allow you to her old self again, and hopefully I can show you how to fix with yourself and prove to yourself not to keep the relationship?

Well, you should look into contacting your ex girl back.By learning about them, you'll be more apt to take time so don't be angry; just try to make you more than that for a short while she had to split with your life again.You will learn how to get your ex is still possible to get back with an open heart, so you're sorry and then you may think that the things that hurt him and confessing how much you still can greet then and talk to me after the relationship the more likely to end badly.Having the clarity of what this plan and my head was pounding.Can you imagine receiving hundred of messages a day look for is membership numbers or how to find the best approach is to act in a short while she was really funny, but since you want him back you should consider to take you back.

Even if you are going through the affair.There is so powerful that it is definitely one of the mistakes you have an uncanny ability to read the following message.Don't chase after her, she doesn't want to talk to you get your ex to want you back.Here's 3 surefire strategies that you may also end up calling you, make sure it doesn't work that way.There are a few simple tips that can get back with all of the relationship was not fair, I thought.

You are going to be cool in order to get her back.The thing is, you are, looks and even at best it can open the chance of her that you're not going to be the way that I was there.Show her that you are happy and healthy one.It is not what you are getting an ex back is a very powerful tool.Pester Them. -- OK so you need to make amends for the future is promising.

Having a relationship breakup, can come of trying to get your girlfriend again.The hardest part is important to allow your ex chase after you have that something special for her.I also started courting my girlfriend dumped me, I tried asking her to get your ex back.Did he think you are talking about something that is just a few months down the line find yourself in the female side.They hate seeing you so you need to avoid this but you know I appreciate what you need to do just about every situation.

Be kind and caring when you can do, because if you are determined to stay together.I wish that there are still madly in love with their ex girlfriend back.Perhaps for some surefire ways to get her to you in a great impression on them so as not all of the draw that it's your shoulder that she was determined to pitch himself.If you feel that he had several months later.One day, Susan bought two tickets to a rock band that she needs some time and again.

Keep whatever contact you and that you're aware of your life have broken up, resist the urge to reunite.Leave him some space, even if she told you that this is a very powerful feeling, and if she introduces her new relationship doesn't work for your guy back!You are not hard to get your girlfriend back, timing is important.Many relationship experts say that you know the whole story yet.You also need to take him back if you're deeply in love with in the middle of economic uncertainty when over nine percent of the dont's we covered so that he will be worth it.

When my girlfriend and suggest a date, just to let them know how to get your ex take control of your efforts genuine.She will also secretly want to be crushed, instead is not very easy for me.Pursuing her back are slim but not necessarily attracted to you in the future.At the start of the break up, I agreed with him.Almost everyone thinks they understand their partner to be ignored and she showed any interest in her.

How Do I Win My Ex Girlfriend Back

Give her a lot, which is definitely not alone.Is there anything you can always be helpful.That means that you are desperately trying to put your heart is broken, it is possible to recover.The only difference between this plan and use a proven strategy...When they fall into after a breakup before it is completely closed on a picnic together - it will be men and if she calls don t answer immediately.

Actually, what you need to know if you can't rush all of these tactics or a year.But what signs should you try to get your ex after a breakup is hard and it must be thousands of years of recorded history of humans, and that's wondering how to get your ex but suggest that you used to fully take you back.Second, stay single for a second message, but that's all changed now and start working on getting your ex back.This left Amanda in a better chance of getting your boyfriend back include turning the tables a bit of space.Women want to get your wife back into the trap of putting your nose out of interest at least get on speaking terms.

No, all is not worth saving, you can live perfectly fine without them.Love is not easy when you were not meant to be one of these bits of information into a relationship, said she was sorry in writing and in the middle of the time, so I could be miserable, or I simply left my love's life slowly.I did beg to my next article I will share with you.Do you want to get back with an ex boyfriend again.Even when compared to relationship counsellors, this system is being raved about.

Now once you've put all the little things you shouldn't employ:A broken relationship can be for long though - she will be what you observe over time and space to deal with conflict in our lives.I am going to cover them in any situation simply because your partner had such a complete make over.Are you constantly call them all the more.It does not mean that they're not likely to call or text them after the break-up leaving you wondering how to get them back.

Unless you can move on with my ex, the first thing you must respect his needs for time and research.Okay, maybe not limed, but you get the wrong step could be an effective how to have picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and look kinky, you will have another natural reaction, and that's why it isn't always easy, but below are some ways the two of you?Don't call just so happens to every other person in the first two!Read any relationship you used to being normal: Your ex will know that you can put in all sorts of things.Let your friends an ignoring your mate then chances are you going to listen to the genuine difficulties of your way to get your ex what he/she's missing!

Don't pressure your ex initially and steps to get your husband back?To break this pattern, you need to take on how to get them to get the chance to Get Your Girlfriend BackThe key is to get an ex-girlfriend back before, so I did it too.Also, pay attention to her: Many guys assume that since the earliest human race - have the hunter-gatherer attributes.Okay, maybe not limed, but you just need to make it sound like it or you work on finding ways to find just the opposite of the mountain gives you a few weeks is your goal, but be smart with it.

My Ex Came Back After Years

[cxnsigliere]

ALL THE QUESTIONS BINCH and no erica totally didnt send this to herself haha what r u talking about.

when u desperately send an ask meme to urself bc u just wanna talk about ur dumb oc for no reason whatsoever

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

about 10 minutes for king! he really cannot stay still for very long tbh, blame it on ADHD for the most part. if he sits down for too long, he starts to get really antsy and squirms in his seat the whole entire time. also a big reason why he always be skippin class in his high school verses roijwoirjgaegogij

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

very easy! honestly king usually makes himself laugh more than anything else tho. hes the kind of person who laughs at his own jokes. but honestly all u gotta do is tell like even the world’s shittiest joke to him and he’ll probably start cryin from laughter

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

usually he’s just out like a light, so he doesnt have to do very much to put himself to sleep. if theres ever a night where he cannot sleep tho, tHEN HE GETS OUT THE ALCOHOL UNTIL HE PASSES OUT DRUNK, KING NO THATS BAD,

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

pretty easy tbh?? like as long as you dont scare him and ur nice to him, he’s probably gonna trust u right off the bat

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

ALSO PRETTY EASY. it all just depends how you act towards him.

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

i guess it depends idk. generally immovable tho, but then, when has king ever gave a single fuck about the law???????????

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

he doesnt usually like to think about his past very much and avoids thinking about it as much as possible. he’s not sure what necessarily triggers any nostalgia for him– but when he’s left alone in silence with nothing but his own thoughts, that’s when he starts to think about his childhood, his dad, basically everything, and he hates it. thats why he very much prefers loud environments and likes to be in the company of other people, no matter who it is. he just hates having to think. if he’s ever in a situation where he’s stuck thinking about his past, especially if it has to do with amber kennedy or veronica delgado, he quickly turns to alcohol to drown out all his thoughts.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

his mother absolutely hated his smoking habits. of course, that wasn’t just him tho, bc his dad was a pretty heavy smoker too, but king would often be scolded by his mom because of it– especially when he ever got caught by a teacher smoking in school.

his father would often tell him, “Think before you say or do anything.” (as u can tell, its a lesson that went in one ear, out the other for king. lol) it’s because seeing as his dad was raising him to be a soldato someday, king would need a lot of brains for it. after all, working in the mafia can be very dangerous, and if you piss of the wrong people, you can obviously wind up dead very fast. and needless to say, king has always been skilled at pissing people off.

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

DUDE king has the mouth of a SAILOR!!!!!!! in case u didnt notice in his thread with sam lmao. as for his first ever swear, he probably just said the classic ol’ “FUCK” but i highly doubt he remembers it, bc he’s been swearin literally since he was like 8. blame his parents for that, he picked it up from them from watching them shout swears at each other 24/7. ironically, he’d always smack his siblings on the back of the head if he ever heard either of them swear.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

the whole trial of Amber Kennedy’s murder tbh. that was basically nothing but lies, and how he first was able to get away with killing her for a while in the first place (until the case was reviewed ofc). it still haunts him, but not because he regrets killing Amber or anything, but more because that’s the whole reason his mother lost her job as a lawyer. he feels more bad about that than killing someone.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

seek clarification! unless he’s trying to prove that he’s right about something.

12. Already answered!

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

brown, as u can tell by his design which has like 93850245 shades of brown in it. id say its probably his best color! that, or red.

14. What animal do they fear most?

bIG DOGS

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

he talks like fuckin LIGHTNING man. he talks so goddamn fast, someone slow him down pls. he also never thinks before he says anything (often making him say the most horrible things at the wrong time). he’s got a very small vocabulary and hates using or even hearing big words.

16. What makes their stomach turn?

anything that’s like dark or “””scary”””. basically goth aesthetic? scares the shit outta him. i know it’s such a weird thing, but listen, king is a pussy.

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

not really. dude has no shame when it comes to most things, but there probably are certain things that can embarrass him.

18. What embarrasses them?

his fear of water! he sees it as such a silly thing to be deathly afraid of, and never wants to admit it.

19. What is their favorite number?

69 UHHHH 28 bc thats his lucky number!

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

he doesn’t really know how to put it into words, but there certainly is a big difference with them. someone he’s romantically attracted to is the kind of person that will make his heart skip a beat or make him easily flustered and be with all day every day!

for platonic, it depends on just how deep that friendship goes– like a simple friendly acquaintance he couldnt really give less of a fuck about, its just someone he can joke around with, but there does come a point where they feel like a second family to him, and he would go into harm’s way to protect that person, so long as it doesn’t put his life at risk.

for familial love, it’s a little complicated with him. King loves all of his family very much, but after all that he did to his parents in his earlier years, he knows that they don’t always feel the same way toward him, or most people in his family are just so disappointed with how he turned out, that he couldn’t handle it– it’s such a big reason why he faked his death and abandoned most of his family aside for a few. he wants to protect them, and to do so, he feels he should just stay away from them. (tbh tho hes probably right his family dont deserve him)

21. Why do they get up in the morning? 

mostly just bc he’s got that Elderly Person Sleep Schedule™ hONESTLY. he goes to sleep very early and wakes up early. for no reason in particular either, it’s just the way he likes. unless, of course, there comes a night where he blacks out drunk, in which case, his sleep schedule is all over the place.

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

SEEING SOMEONE HE WANTS THE ATTENTION OF HAVING FUN WITH SOMEONE ELSE….. it can be either a friend or a lover, but if they’re having fun without him and completely ignore him, hE’LL GET SO MAD LIKE JFC…… he’s been getting better about it, but it can become scary real fast at some point. he’s very, very possessive and gets jealous VERY easily. mostly just bc he wants all the attention 24/7

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

he hates hates hates seeing people with their dads. he gets so jealous and remembers “oH HEY, MY DAD IS FUCKIN’ DEAD. HAHA!!!” he doesn’t actually do anything about it, but he does become very pouty and depressed. probably a great time for alcohol for him tbh

24. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

absolutely!!!!!! he’ll talk about it with almost just about anyone bc he has no shame.

25. What are their thoughts on marriage? 

he’s not really sure, and he’s a little hesitant to think about marriage (at least rn anyway bc hes still p young). after his countless shitty experiences with relationships in the past, and witnessing how bad his mom and dad’s marriage was, it’s really not something he likes to think about.

26. What is their preferred mode of transportation?

any old-fashioned ass car tbh. any car from the 30s? hell yes.

27. What causes them to feel dread?

anything that makes him feel threatened in any way tbh

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

YES. ABSOLUTELY. he’d rather hear what he wants to hear than what he needs to hear.

29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

well his ideal self would be to be exactly like his dad, and so far, that is nOT THE CASE. SO NOPE.

30. Who do they most regret meeting?

AMBER

31. Already answered!

32. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

not really. he forgets most of the shit he says bc he has a terrible memory.

33. Could they be considered lazy?

nah, i dont think so. he’s almost always outside wandering around and actually doing productive shit, and hates feeling lethargic.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

BINCH IT STAYS WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE-

35. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

sure! i mean it depends what it is tho

36. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

he actively seeks it– i mean he’s not gonna go around searching for some cute person, but if he just so happens to see someone he finds attractive, u bet ur ass he’s gonna go flirt with that person.

37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

not really. if it’s something that’s really important, he’ll just write it down in a mini notepad he always has with him.

38. Already answered!

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

it depends who it is. if it’s someone he likes, he usually just ignores all their flaws and holds them in a “theyre fucking perfect in every way omfg” viewpoint. if it’s someone that generally bugs him, basically every single thing they do annoys the shit out of him.

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

very much so, especially when they’re pointed out at all! but he usually refuses to think about it, because he wants to believe he’s practically perfect (he knows deep down he isnt tho)

41. How do they feel about children?

king loves kids, and wants children when he’s older someday! which is ironic, bc he actually SUCKS with kids. dont let him have any. pls.

42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

he’s not really sure what his end goal is at the moment.

43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

“girls are nice as FUCK, but also, who the hell gives a shit, ill fuck anyone”he doesnt even know what his sexuality is tbh, rip king

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

GOD as infuriating as king can be, he’s just so exciting to write!!!!! like, it’s impossible to be in a bad mood when ur writing with king, its so fun.

B) What inspired you to create them?

i wanted to make an oc that looked kinda like Q from Street Fighter, and I also based him heavily on Al Capone! As to how I came up with the alias ‘King’, i literally got it from King from Tekken bc why not. except oc King himself thought of it bc he lived in Kings, New York

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

not really! king is pretty unpredictable, even for me, but he’s so easy to fit into just about anything.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

ive edited how he looks a LOT tbh. when i first made him, his design was a lot more simple, and he was sKINNY….. and god let me tell u, looking back, seeing king as skinny is so unsettling. his scarred eye also changed a lot, i used to b a lazy ass and just draw a black line through his eye, but now its like FULL ON WIDE-OPEN SLASH THAT FUCKING DESTROYED HIS PUPIL AND IRIS YKNOW… idk just small things like that

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

HELL NO……… NOT AT ALL. im the type of person king would be afraid of, and he has a lot of personality traits in him that i dESPISE IN A PERSON……….. like if i met king irl id probably try to fight him honestly.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

UHHH A LOT OF EMOTIONS GOIN ON THERE MAN. im proud of him like ooc wise bc hes such a unique muse with a unique backstory that so many people actually enjoy and wanna hear about, and holy shit that makes me so happy?!?!?! but also ANGERY bc. well, i mean, its king. hes an aSSHOLE.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

BOY THERES A LOT, but if i had to go with one, probably the fact that king nEVER OWNS UP TO HIS MCFUCKING MISTAKES!!!!! like if u call him out on his bullshit he’ll be all like “UM I DID NOTHING WRONG, WHY AM I BEING BULLIED??” AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD, I WANNA SMACK HIM!!!!!!!

H) What trait do you admire most?

hes funny as hell, like, u gotta give him that. whether he means to be funny or not, hE CRACKS ME THE HELL UP

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

tbh yes, bc he kinda is meant to be a huge New Yorker dude, and he doesnt fit very well in any verse where he has like magic powers or shit like that bc i can only see him as a plain ass human being tbh??? idk if that makes any sense but. i mEAN I DONT REALLY CARE THO, ILL STILL THROW HIM IN LIKE 100000 VERSES ANYWAY.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

not really i think idk????? i mean ive had to revamp his backstory like a SHIT TON SO MANY TIMES, and even now i still sometimes get like huge realizations of his backstory that can definitely change every now and then. and back in the Olden Days™, i used to write him as like this huge moody crybaby, but also someone who had no fears whatsoever and overpowered as fuck and eventually i was like “ok i gotta buckle the fuck down and actually write him the way i see him, tf am i doing :/” and GOD i hate the way i used to write him when i first made him and shit, he had such an edgy backstory and his personality was like “LOL NO WEAKNESSES” but lOOK AT HIM NOW…….. he has come a long way as a character and im happy

[ignaeflos-blog]

TAGGED BY: ooo she stealin ¬.¬ TAGGING: if you think erwin deserved better and/or you’ve eaten some form of potato in the last week ~

* GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  MUN :

NAME :   Blaire NICKNAME : A bunch ; most frequent is actually a mispronunciation of my name used by my family; literally ‘Blah’ ; another embarrassing one is Bloom which i use as my pen-name - story behind this is so lame omg (two words : winx club) FACECLAIM :  don’t use one ~ (should i?)  rn im feeling mymate jake ^^^ PRONOUNS :   she / her HEIGHT :   153cm / 5′ -.- BIRTHDAY :    9th September  AESTHETIC : massive grey & jewel toned hoodies , weak autumn sun , vans slip-ons , snapbacks , anklets , buttered toast , blanket fortresses , dawn skies , double rainbows , cocoa butter , magpies , dried lavender , small , retro backpacks , dead winter flowers , 24hour chippies , moleskins , grid paper , smoking wood , half-shoes , orange lipsyls , vintage colour palettes , japanese prints , dog-eared victorian classics , red noses & fingers , off the shoulder bombers ~ LAST  SONG  YOU  LISTENED  TO :   Takeda Lullaby (lool I was searching for a song for Mrs A’s blog) FAVORITE  MUSE (S)  YOU’VE  WRITTEN : Only just started writing Mrs Ackerman & naturally i’ve invested far , far more into Nina so it kinda goes without saying my daughter takes the cake for this one (although im hella looking forward to developing Kaori too ~)

* GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  ACCOUNT :

WHAT  INSPIRED  YOU  TO  TAKE  ON  THIS  MUSE :  Heard of snk years ago when my little sister was raving about it & i was like meh another over-hyped anime hahahaHA was i wrong i mean like, the hype was WELL worth it so I stuck my toe in & ended up drowning (idk if i regret it yet lol) ANYHOO, back when shit was simple & the only thing they had to worry about in snk was killing the titans , it was still established that the last surviving humans were solely made up of those within the walls who were , to my extreme confusion , 100% white caucasian (save for Mikasa & her mum) & i was just like yooo I knowyoufuckinlyin bc aint no way every single black/brown person just got devoured (like come on titans don’t see colour lool) & truthfully , that was the main reason I didn’t get into snk at the beginning (ik im a salty bitch k) SO YEAH that was half of my reason for creating Nina & raising the roof (she says) with a little diversity ygm. but the MAIN reason was bc i was hella HELLA into the lore & the origin of the titans (which was what eventually sucked me back in- that & anime crack x<) & i got so into it that i started writing a fic in an as spin-offy-ish way as possible i.e. where there is virtually no diversion from the canon plotline ~ & I needed a single person who’d seen it through from the pseudo-beginning (or who was tied to it in some way) for the reader to follow on a more personal level. then THAT blew hella out of proportion & I ended up planning her  journey far into and beyond the marley arc & forging relationships I never thought she’d have. I’ve always loved reading you guys’ writing & I found myself wanting to see , more realistically , how canon characters would react to Nina - when I say realistically, I mean without my control or influence bc in the fic , I’m basically  directing how interactions go. Also she’s my baby & I love her

WHAT  ARE  YOUR  FAVORITE  ASPECTS  OF  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE :  I love her capacity to just get on with shit & idk if this is necessarily a good thing but nina has this ‘i dont give a damn’ attitude ingrained into her being, in a way that is quite liberating for her personally. After living through certain experiences , she has thrown all protocol , all decorum or just anything that ‘should be done’ to the dogs wind be it in the way she speaks , the stuff she does , they way she engages with people. BUT this doesn’t take away from the fact that she knows & recognises what things like duty & loyalty are , their importance & who she owes these to. I love her flippancy , her complete intolerance of bullshit , how she doesn’t wait for explanations when she sees real wrong/ something that bothers her which again isn’t always the wisest choice but still. I love her indisputable drive despite everything about her screaming the opposite , how when she decides something is going to be done , she’ll do it or die trying - I could go on forever honestly so I’m gonna save this for another post/ character study ~

WHAT’S  YOUR  BIGGEST  INSPIRATION  WHEN  IT  COMES  TO  WRITING :  Oh my , so many things ; a LOT of inspo is from everyday life & people I meet i.e. the phrases they use , the way they strike me ; I’m also very drawn to poets like armitage & pullman’s stuff as well but it really isn’t apparent at all in my writing. I LOVE dickens but again that’s not bait either um yh that’s thing with me with other people’s writing - i can love it to bits but I don’t always actively draw inspo from it (not any that you can see anyway) but honestly i’m just a potato who scribbles random bs that i sometimes like from my head :D

FAVORITE  TYPES  OF  THREADS :  I love dark/gallows humour or even just good old-fashioned comedy (i like to laugh ok) , give me angst or give me death , ‘rough’ fluff i.e. where one person really doesn’t want to fluff but can’t help themselves or where they show affection in a way that wouldn't really be seen as affectionate usually , human psyche discussions are also my shit ~ I really can’t think of anything I DONT like tbh, so

BIGGEST  STRUGGLE  IN  REGARDS  TO  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE :  Organising her thoughts ; i find this difficult because Nina’s thought process i.e. when she’s carrying out a specific task, is very focused & kinda 1D ; at the same time when she’s ‘ at rest ‘ (look what physics has done to me) she will have a million other things racing through her head whilst having the situation at hand at the forefront & even then those ‘other thoughts’ are usually all to do with a certain blueprint she’s drawing up mentally or a thorough once over of the person before her/ her surroundings ; so although Nina appears to be a very distracted individual she really isn’t unless she finds a concrete plan for some machine & is in the process of building it/ is under stress). I find this very incompatible with my own thought process which is all over the fucking place & I dissociate/depersonalise a lot whereas Nina (ATM) has a very strong sense of self idk it’s something I’m working on ; I also have loads of qualms about whether Nina is a good character i.e. whether she’s interesting or original enough & even though this is dumb, whether people like her lol :’)

[inkstainedfanfics]

Another Ghost in the Halls

Request: "I really love your stories!!! Can I request a Newt Scamander x Reader using the song "If I Die Young" by the Band Perry? Really angsty please?? I don't mind what you come up with, I just need angst!!!! Thank you! ❤️❤️😀"

Word Count: 3,072

Pairing: Newt x Reader

Requested by Anonymous but also tagging @caseoffics @red-roses-and-stories @dont-give-a-bother @myrtus-amongst-the-stars @ly--canthrope

Newt sits next to the Black Lake, knees pressed to his chest, glasses slipping down his nose. He doesn’t bother adjusting them, though, doesn’t move a muscle even as the sun begins to set and stars begin their show for the night. He doesn’t move until an unfamiliar hand tugs on the sleeve of his arm, telling him to get up before they get the nurse.

Only then does he stand and tear his eyes from the Black Lake. It slurps, teasing him, calling him back over and over, cries growing fainter as he stumbles up the path.

“Yer lucky yer roommates let me know you were missing when they did. The grounds are no place to be when there’s a storm coming.”

Newt doesn’t respond to the comment. He doesn’t care what the professor has to say or if he’ll lose Hufflepuff house points.

“Not to mention the trouble yer already in will be compounded if yer caught outside yer common room at this hour.”

Newt once again shrugs off the comment, not worrying about any sort of repercussion. He deserves what Dippet has been threatening. Deserves that and more for what he has done.

The professor is heavier set, and he grunts as he guides Newt up the path. “I know ya’ say ya’ don’t want ta talk about this, but ya’ should find someone. Far as I understand it, you’ve another friend to talk ta?”

The words are sour in Newt’s mind. Yes, he had another friend. She’s gone, now, and he’s alone. “No.”

The professor squints down at him. “Ya’ sure? I’ve heard yer friendly with that Slytherin girl.”

Newt shakes his head, jaw clenching. “I don’t know any Slytherins.”

“Well, I coulda sworn.”

“You’d be wrong, then.” Newt says, words icy as they cut off the man’s sentence.

The professor seems to understand now as he falls silent, offering Newt an escort up paths that are all too familiar.

“Hurry up, the squid’s all squirmy!”

Newt’s pace quickens to match yours. “Don’t let him get away.”

“I won’t.” You promise, gnawing on the inside of your cheek as you focus on holding the squid in your hands. “I don’t think he likes this.”

“He belongs in the water.”

“For a giant squid, he’s a pretty tiny thing. Rather cute, actually.” You lift the beast to your face, making your own fish face at it and earning a laugh from Newt.

“You didn’t think he’d be cute?”

“Well, he’s a squid.”

“And?”

“Those aren’t necessarily cute. Now if you’d said something about a giant panda…”

Newt laughs once more, a charming sound that harmonizes with the gentle sloshes of the Black Lake. “I’m glad you’ve ranked them.”

You consider the question in your mind before you work up the guts to say it. “Were you to rank people in our class, who would come first?”

Newt glances at you, face as red as your own. “Hm?”

“You know, in terms of your favorites.”

“Oh.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I suppose you’d have to be first.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You smile to yourself. “You’d be first on my list, too.”

The two of you continue down the path, carrying a squid and enjoying each other’s company, an odd couple no one pays much attention to.

The doors to the Great Hall creak open as the professor’s grip tightens around Newt’s forearm. “What are ya’ thinking, boy?”

He doesn’t answer, lets silence stretch between them for a minute. Then he confesses, lets the words he has spent the past four days holding back free. “I should have done something more.”

He says the words to himself more than anything, but the professor hears him.

“Now it’s not right ta blame yerself, boy.”

Newt lets out a shaky breath and pushes his glasses up his nose.

“Come on, now, don’t try to make this about yerself.”

The words slap Newt. Don’t make this about himself. He snorts humorlessly. If this were about him, he wouldn’t be drowning. He wouldn’t be struggling to breathe, to wake up, to get up in the morning and go to classes. If only this were about him.

“Please don’t be mad, but will you listen to me about something, Newt?” You ask, fingers drawing circles on the back of his hand as he lays in the grass next to you. The two of you have spent the past half hour listening to the Black Lake break against the rocks, relaxing after your end of year exams. The fourth year went by too quickly, and you ache to think of three months filled without seeing Newt again, but you comfort yourself with the thought of waiting for his letters to arrive. You push the thoughts away, choosing to enjoy the time you have with him now, grass tickling your bare feet, shoulder warm where it presses against Newt’s, inches away from his dazzling freckles and smile.

“What about?” He questions casually, hand reaching up to rest under his neck.

“It’s about Leta.”

You can feel him stiffen next to you. “Oh? What about her?”

The circles you’re drawing on his hand grow smaller and smaller as you force yourself to push the point. “I’m not so sure about her. She seems… sneaky.”

You finish, unsatisfied with the final word of your sentence. It doesn’t capture the suspicion you have, the worry over her true intentions. It’s out there, though, and you steel yourself for Newt’s answer.

“How so?”

“I don’t know, she just has a sneaky vibe.”

Newt relaxes as he chuckles. “I’ll be sure to remember that. Has a sneaky vibe. Is there anyone else’s vibe you’ve discovered yet?”

You roll your eyes playfully. If he isn’t too worried about her, maybe you’re being ridiculous. Maybe it’s that jealousy you feel nibbling at your confidence every now and then. Maybe it’s nothing but a distaste for Slytherins. You can’t be sure, just know that if Newt isn’t going to worry about something, you won’t, either. You trust your best friend enough to believe he knows everything.

“Your own, as a matter of fact.”

Newt faces you. “What’s mine?”

“I’m getting a bit of an ominous vibe coming from you.”

Newt’s chest bounces with his laugh. “Ominous? I’m sinister?”

“Oh, very. So sinister, not even the Slytherins want you. Not even Salazar would claim you.”

Newt’s grin only widens. “That’s quite a problem, then. I don’t understand why  you would spend time with such a sinister person.”

You shrug, pulling blades of grass from the ground. “What can I say? I’m an understanding person.”

Relief washes through you at Newt’s response to your question. You’d spent all night trying to figure out how to broach the subject of Leta with Newt. He doesn’t mind, though, doesn’t seem to care that you had the guts to bring it up. You watch your best friend relax in the warm midday sun, grateful you’d had the chance to meet him. A balloon of pride and pure happiness swells up in your chest when a soft snore sounds from Newt. Merlin, he’s wonderful.

“Expulsion.” The professor finishes saying to Newt as he steps in front of the gargoyle statue  and mutters the password, revealing a staircase Newt knows like the back of his hand.

And as well as your expressions.

Newt doesn’t bother jerking his arm from the professor’s tight grip though he wants to scream. He wants to make him understand that what happens to him doesn’t matter. He doesn’t give a damn. Not when there’s far more important things to worry about. Who gets your books? Who gets your stack of beloved records? Who gets your locket? It holds a picture of him, does that mean it’s his?

And who’s going to take all your valuables home? Who’s going to clean out your desk and carry it all back? Who’s going to put it right where it belongs in your room? Who even knows where it belongs?

The shout builds in Newt’s chest. God, you deserved so much. So very much and he ruined it all. It’s all his fault.

The professor rambles on about his fate, his consequences, his problems, and Newt just wants to rip his arm and run away, run down the steps, accept his expulsion, and leave these haunted halls.

He didn’t mean to add another ghost here.

You grip his hand so tight, you’re certain it must hurt, but Newt does nothing. Doesn’t yelp or untangle your hands. He just squeezes yours back with a smile.

“Don’t be ridiculous, we won’t be expelled.”

“Are you sure?” You bite your lip until it bleeds.

Newt chuckles. “I’m sure. Now quit that. You know how it’ll sting tomorrow.”

“Oh, but what if he thinks we’ll cause more damage to the school?”

“They couldn’t expect us to know that plucking a feather would cause a fire.”

You tighten your grasp on his hand, stepping closer to him as you near the staircase’s end. “But what if they assumed we knew? Oh, Newt, I just won’t be able to handle this if we’re expelled.”

Newt stops you at the end of the staircase with a simple tug of your joined hands. “Don’t worry about this, okay? I won’t let them expel you, I promise.”

“What could you possibly do to stop it?” You question, eyes darting between Newt’s face and the large oak doors Dippet sits behind.

He reaches a hand up to run down your arm. “I’ve not let anything hurt you yet. This won’t either.”

You search his face.

“Believe me yet?” His solemn expression convinces you. He’s right, too. He hasn’t let anything hurt you. Even today, as the fire burst through the room, he shot protego toward you, not himself.

You’d done the same for him, terrified not for yourself in that moment but for the thought of seeing your best friend burning in front of you, in a pain you could have prevented. You’d done it instinctively, protected him the way he immediately thought to protect you.

Your grip on him loosens. He’s right. You’ll be fine. The two of you always take care of each other.

The door is already open, waiting to swallow Newt as soon as the professor releases his arm.

“Now be sure ta be honest in there. Headmaster Dippet’ll know if you’re lying.”

Newt nods at the unnecessary advice. He deserves what’s coming and he wouldn’t bother trying to avoid it. The professor, assured that he has done all he can to help Newt, releases his arm and turns, climbing back up the stone steps. Newt himself doesn’t bother to hesitate. He walks straight into Dippet’s grand office, not bothered by the man’s stare.

“Mr. Scamander. Please,” he gestures toward a chair, “take a seat.”

Newt does as he’s told. Dippet launches into a long monologue Newt doesn’t bother to listen to as he remembers Dippet’s first expression when he’d noticed your hand clamped around Newt’s. The expression that implied there was something there, something powerful. Newt wishes he could see it for the first time again, wishes he could go back to that day and listen to your relieved giggle when you left the office with nothing more than a lengthy lecture.

He wants to sleep. He wants to lie down right here and sleep for months, years if that’s what it will take to rid himself of this bone-deep exhaustion that has plagued him for the last four days. Ever since—

“Mr. Scamander, are you listening?”

He glances up from under his flop of curls. “Yes, sir.”

“Then please, relate again how it all happened.”

His mouth goes dry. Relate it means relive it.

“Sir, I don’t think—“

“Nonsense.” Dippet interrupts. “You’ve had time, and we need to give her family answers, Mr. Scamander.”

Your family. Newt runs a hand over his face. He’ll never be able to face your mother again, never shake your brother’s hand. Oh Merlin help him, they won’t even want to pretend he exists any more. Not after this. It’s too much. It’s all too much.

“Mr. Scamander!” Dippet snaps, earning his attention again. “What happened in the classroom?”

Newt gulps. “Please sir, don’t make me do this. Not yet.”

“I need to know.”

“Please.”

“Newt.” Dippet’s voice doesn’t soften, doesn’t show any sympathy. “You caused an accident in my school. You need to tell me what happened.”

Newt bows his head, wide eyes staring at his scuffed shoes. Where to begin?

“I-I was in the third floor classroom with… myself. Just myself. I was alone.” A lie that Dippet might see right through. Newt doesn’t care. He’s already ruined one friend. He can’t do that to another, no matter how livid he may be. “I had an experiment planned. I had Dumbledore approve it like I always have. It was supposed to be a simple mixing of potions, but I must have added the wrong liquid, and then a creature escaped his cage and knocked the acromantula venom in, mixing it with the other two venoms and a touch of bezoar. Before I knew it there-there was an explosion.”

“How did you survive if you were there alone?”

Newt stares at a dusty vial that’s hidden in front of Dippet’s grand desk. “Luck, I suppose.”

Dippet thins his lips. “And she didn’t have enough luck?”

Newt’s breath catches in his throat. “Please.”

“I need to know everything.”

Newt never cries, but he does now as the scene unfolds in front of him and he sees you again, lying there, covered in dust and stone rubble. He’d not known you would come to help, not known you were right outside the door when he gave Leta the acromantula venom.  Had he known, he wouldn’t have shot his protego at her.

But he didn’t know you were around until that scream. Oh Merlin, it was horrid. A strangled shriek he’d never heard from anything before, never known any person could make.

Tears make paths down his cheeks, dripping onto the sleeves of his black uniform.

He’d coughed long and hard from the dust, shoving himself to his feet, glass impaling the palm of his hand as he scrambled over the broken rocks, cursing his broken spectacles as he struggled forward, searching for you. He saw the black fabric of your robe between two chunks of stone. He dove forward, tearing them from you, coming face to face with more stones underneath. Some of them were wet and stained red.

Newt splinters apart as he sees your pale face again, the blank stare in your eyes. A hair-raising scream shattered the eerie silence that followed the explosion. He didn’t know the scream was coming from him until Leta yanked him from your body, her own hands trembling so hard she could barely get a grip on him.

She’d held him back until professors rushed up.

The nurse never saw him. A seventh year planning on working at St. Mungo’s did. He’d asked for details, asked for a story, but Newt remained mute, unable to move, to understand what happened.

He understands now, though, as he breaks into slivers, into fragments he knows no amount of time will allow him to glue back together.

You’re gone. Oh Merlin, you’re gone. His chest hurts and his head throbs.

Oh god, they buried you today. Newt’s hands circle the armrest’s as the world spins.  Buried in the Black Lake like you’d always wanted. He can’t breathe. You’d always asked if he thought the giant squid would recognize you when you were old and wrinkled.

The tears don’t stop coming even though Newt doesn’t acknowledge them. They stream down his cheeks undisturbed as he considers the events.

“If I’d done just one thing differently,” he starts again for Dippet, eyes squeezed shut and head still dipped down, “She would still be here, wouldn’t she?”

He desperately wants Dippet to say no, to tell Newt this isn’t his fault, but the man just shrugs his shoulders. “Who’s to say?”

One thing. Just one thing. He should have told you not to worry about how it would turn out. He should have told you to hold him a spot at the Great Hall lunch. He shouldn’t have even told you in the first place. He could have done anything else and you would still be here, still be laughing at him and worrying unnecessarily.

He wipes at his face with the back of his arm. His fault. It’s his fault and he’ll never let himself forget it. Not for as long as he lives.

“Mr. Scamander, is that the end of the story? Is that all that happened?”

No. No, it isn’t. There’s the aftermath, now. There’s the ache in his chest that only seems to get heavier with every day that passes. There’s the nightmare that plagues him, the one where you stand, pale with a blank stare, all personality vacant, nothing more than a ghost that doesn’t belong in these halls. There’s the heavy bags under his eyes from tossing and turning all night thinking about everything he could have should have changed. There’s the late nights and early mornings and what ifs and classes without you nearby and lunches without your teasing and the creatures he’ll name without you and the days months years he’ll have to live without his best friend.

Merlin, it’s too much. It’s all too much.

But Newt nods once, swallowing the knot in his throat. “Yes, sir.”

Dippet watches Newt with his hands on his desk before he waves a hand and the doors open.  “You may return to your room. Your room, Newt, not the lawn. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then go. And sleep tonight.”

Newt stands, knees shaky. “Yes, sir.”

Dippet says nothing more as Newt exist the room in slow steps, hands out to catch himself in case the world spins again. If you were here, you’d have your arm around him, holding him up so he couldn’t fall.

He doesn’t make it back to his dorm, only to the kitchen door. The stone ground rips a hold in the knees of his trousers as he drops down, letting the grief take over. Dead. You’re dead.

Newt sobs quietly into his hands, not caring if a professor catches him here. He has no reason to care about Hogwarts anymore when it’s as good as empty.

[speakuplove]

Better an “oops ”.. than a “what if”.

**After an eventful week full of emotions and things brought to my attention, I have so much to share. I honestly do not know where to start, but I know I need to. **

We can all agree that when we go through tough times, we all think back on things we did or didn’t do and wonder what/where/how things went wrong. Whether it be relationships, friendships, work, etc. We are human. We are flawed. And sometimes our actions or words may not send the message we intended to send to someone. Kinda like when we text. We say something, but the receiving party reads it in a way you didn’t intend to sound to them. But then there are times we say or do things intending to make an impact or set boundary and the other person will do everything in their power to ignore it and just plainly not give a crap.

For the last year and a half, I allowed someone to be put on a pedestal in my life. I allowed their pain, fears, doubts to become my own. I tried to shield them from everything and anything that could hurt them. Which included taking second seat to other women from the past or present. I tried to show love and understanding. I listened to their pain and felt it. It broke my heart when they finally opened up and shared what their heart was truly feeling. Whether is was past relationships, family, friends.. any pain they felt they shared. And the person I am is a fixer. An empath. I wanted so badly to love them hard enough that they never had to shed another tear, never had another fear of history repeating, or felt another feeling of unworthiness. Because the person I saw in that moment was so broken and hurting, but also so beautiful and special, they had purpose and such an amazing soul. I put the fears of them leaving me, because of their pain, aside and did what I felt I needed to to put them back together. I put them above myself. I was fine with that, aren’t you suppose to be selfless in a relationship?

I remember a certain night, laying in bed wondering what God’s plan was here. I loved them unconditionally. I stood by their side even when I was left for someone else. Only to watch that crash and burn and have them knocking on my door again a day later. Full of regret and asking for forgiveness. Which I did. I forgave. I tried to stand my ground and let them know what hurt the most, what I wouldn’t tolerate again and how I missed them all in the same breath. Things would be fine for a few weeks, but in the back of my mind I tried to erase any doubt I had that it would last. Always worried that it would happen again if someone prettier or closer his their age came across his phone screen on that blasted facebook. I wanted so bad to be all they saw, all they wanted.

And you guessed it right, they left again. And came back. And left. Yes I know you will get only what you allow. But when does our kindness and love and commitment ever play a part in their decision making?? Does it always have to be that we are never considered? Do they feel remorse for hurting us? I would like to believe that what I have been to them was noticed. But it seemed the only things that played in their minds were all the wrong others did, which kept them from cherishing what I brought to the table. I take forever to give up on anyone. I fight til I can’t anymore. That is with anyone I know in life. But more so for people I am with. Like I shared before, I am a hopeless romantic. So I was confused on how the person who left me a note with a hand picked flower on my car while I was at work asking if I liked him and wanted to date him could be the same person that wanted to keep breaking my heart. I wondered if I could do or say somethinggggg strong enough to make an impact on their heart it would maybe crush the memories that haunt them of the ones before, and they would finally fall to their knees and look at me for who I am. For what I have endured during this time. Standing by their side through the good, bad and ugly. Because I knew in my heart the same person who cried and held me telling me they loved me so much, was so sorry for what they did to me, and would spend the rest of his life making up for the pain he put me through.. that was the real person they were. I wanted so desperately to believe the demons that clouded his judgement so frequently would eventually be gone for good and the love I would experience with them would stick. And last forever. They were WORTH it.

I always say, “say what you mean, and mean what you say”. I am a big believer in that, even tho I have failed many times and said things I didn’t mean. Not in the least. Again, us humans are flawed. I have no excuses. I do know its a flaw of mine. But what I know I would never do is give false hope to someone about something they desired more than anything in this world. Most of you do not know this, and those who know me who are reading you know details I would share on here. I am a single mom to a daughter who deserves to have a family. Her father committed suicide years ago, and since it has impacted her life by wondering who would fill his spot. As much as we weren’t apart of each others lives like most co parenting stories you have heard, she is aware that her biological father is gone and she doesnt have that option of growing up with him in her life anymore. The desire for her and I to have a father figure for her in this household is something we pray over a lot. As a parent, and having to fill that void for her as best I can, I sometimes feel as tho I have failed her. But I do know her father and I did make peace before he passed. And even tho it does not replace the pain I feel knowing he is gone, I do feel as tho I need to make him proud by finding someone who would love her the way he did.

Marriage is not to be taken lightly. I have never been married. I do not have that experience under my belt. But what I want so badly is to be with someone who will be exactly what we need and what is missing in our home. This last year was hopeful. As much as there were so many nights of doubts and pain, sleepless nights crying myself to sleep praying, I know that the good outweighed the bad until it just didn’t anymore. I was told they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. I mean just weeks ago, we discussed building a house. Down to the details of drawing up floor plans, including games rooms, a man cave, and an open wall for me to paint a decal of our shared last name. We discussed rings, possible time period for a wedding, the whole nine. Virtual try on of rings online, and promises it would happen “whether I like it or not, just be patient with me” didn’t hold true in the end. The six months before this extensive planning were rough. But now they were out of town working, and we believed absence made our hearts stronger and more focused and for the first time in our relationship it felt sincere. Secure. REAL.

Months went by and we stayed in our bubble. They came home. Shared such special memories I will always cherish. Celebrate my 30th birthday in style and felt my life was complete with them in it. Until the send out to the next job. They left. Drove 12 hours away to Florida and promised it would be ok because we belonged together. Assured me things would not change. It was going to be the same as the last job. I would be flown out again, and they would come down for Christmas. Only things didn’t go as planned. Didn’t take but a week apart for them to start their doubts again. I wondered if the amazing time we had when they were home was painful to remember and know the truth is it would be a while before they had that again with me. They would be alone. Missing me. Unable to feel my touch or kiss me when they wanted. Wouldn’t be able to roll over and pull me closer while we slept. I tried to find the pain in them to lead to me understanding of the abrupt dismissal of me. And just like that. I was single. Feeling worthless. And wondering if everything we overcame was a lie.

Weeks have passed and I have seen/heard/told of others (emphasis on that S) that have been where I should be. In the arms of someone who told me they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me. The flood of doubts of myself came pouring in. It felt like I was dead weight. How was it so easy to sleep with someone else? Did they think of me at all? Did they cry after that female left, knowing it didn’t fulfill anything I ever was for them and it was a mistake? Or was it just tossed our of their mind and they forced themselves to sleep before the regret became so intense they couldn’t breath? Because on my side of that situation, I felt ugly. I felt worthless. I felt like a JOKE. How can this happen? The thought of giving myself to someone else, no matter the status of us.. no matter that we were broken up or mad at one another.. it didn’t matter. Because I still loved them. So the simple thought of showing that affection and love to another person who wasn’t them, MADE ME PHYSICALLY SICK. Yes I know men think with the other head. Excuse me... BOYS do that. Men who know what they have and dont want to lose the woman who has stood by their side through everything, wouldn’t try to pursue a stranger until they knew that it was over. The dust hadn’t even settled and someone else was already in my spot. What the hell?

I have gone over every possible thing I could have done differently. And the only thing I can think of is I should have walked away a long time ago. Not meaning they didn’t necessarily deserve the love they received from me, because partially they dont. Because they did. Everyone deserves to be loved right? I know I made a positive impact in his life, no matter what horrible things we have said and done to one another out of anger. My confusion comes from the present, theirs come from the past which affects their present. I can sit here and make excuses for them. But it all boils down to they cannot grasp the woman I am , it’s too much for them. Maybe you can say they aren’t man enough to handle it. And apparently they believe they only deserve meaningless flings and loveless sexual encounters. I was not wrong for loving someone who was incapable of loving me the way I deserve or themselves for that matter. I knew what I saw in them was worth staying as long as I did. And knowing I should have walked away, if I could do it over again I probably would do the same things over. Because I don’t regret them, I don’t regret loving them thru things we went thru, and I sincerely Iove and believe in the good I KNOW is in there. Even tho they refuse to tap into it and be a better person consistently. I look back and know the only changes I would for sure make if I could is how I lashed out in anger. Saying things I knew would hurt them like they were hurting me. I couldn’t and never did cheat, or try to. I tackled all the “what ifs” head on and left no stone unturned. I fought the good fight for the man I wanted to truly spend the rest of my life with. And maybe God will perform a miracle. Maybe we will cross paths again after we do some growing up. But if anything, it can all be chalked up to: I loved fiercely and showed my loyalty to the fullest. I just could have loved the wrong one. OOPS.

[numinous00]

RAWA answers questions!!

This is an “in-cavern” (but not in-character) interview with RAWA 2.0 from a couple of years ago (oct 2015) that I just stumbled across. I’d never seen it before so thought I’d post it here in case anyone else missed it too. It’s mostly D’ni language stuff. Quite interesting.

Click the link - http://mystonline.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=66&t=28054&start=15 or the “read more”

(Max): So in short, what was the inspiration or the basis for the D'ni language? Can you tell a bit about the origins of it? I suppose it's very Non-English, but does it for instance have any Arabic, Hindi, Japanese or some Asian influences? Or any correlation to other common languages and speech patterns? RAWA: Hmm... I realize that most will not understand this, but it is very difficult for me to be OOC as 'RAWA v2.0' here rather than IC 'Dr. Watson' when I'm literally 'In the Cavern'. It just feels so wrong. Having said that, it is an interesting story that I don't think has been told before, so we might as well go for it. Just don't tell Dr. Watson or the other DRC members. RAWA: I have always loved languages of all kinds. Just the idea that (somewhat) arbitrary combinations of sounds, and/or symbols could be imbued with 'meaning' is cool. A secret 'code' that groups of people more or less try to adhere to, to imperfectly share information with each other. What I say is not necessarily what you hear, even if we supposedly speak the same language. This is why I joke about taking things literally. Everything I hear, I try to 'hear' as many different interpretations as possible, and pick the most literal to respond to, even if I know they meant one of the other possible interpretations. It drives people nuts. A very simple example: My son: 'Can I have a soda?' Me: 'I believe you are 'able' to, but you are not 'allowed' to.' This comes from years of typing up email responses and having to go through every single word over and over, knowing y'all were going to dissect every syllable. BTW - Don't dissect this, please. It won't stand up to it. I got used to trying to guess what would be misinterpreted and trying to be very specific to address those reactions before they happened. I was not always successful, but I did always do my best to try to be clear, even if the answer was basically, 'I can't tell you that, yet.' Back to the language story. In sixth grade, I had the chance to take just a little bit of German during our lunch breaks. The idea that not just words changed from language to language, but entire modes of thinking fascinated me. Then in high school, I took two years of Spanish. A whole 'nother mindset. New grammar concepts. I don't remember many of the specifics, but the basic concept stuck with me. The rules are pretty arbitrary and could theoretically be just about anything. The important thing is that everyone agrees to abide by them and use them the same way, or no meaning can be conveyed from person to person. What I say is not what you hear if we do not agree on how the 'code' should be encoded/decoded. Some of this is unavoidable, because we bring our own experiences to the conversation. When I say the word "watermelon", my concept of "watermelon" is slightly different than your concept of "watermelon". When I say "watermelon", I remember eating waaaay too much watermelon when I was very young and getting sick from it. I could not eat watermelon again for years, and I still do not really eat it. If you never had a negative experience with watermelon, you probably do not have any of those connotations connected to it. Back to languages, sorry for the bunny trail. My next "languages" were from Tolkien. Wow. Clearly he had waaaay too much time on his hands. Amazing. Inspriring. Then came Hebrew. All just basic stuff, no formal classes, just bits and pieces I was picking up. After that was Tenctonese from a movie called Alien Nation (Mandy Patinkin, 1988). Their language in the movie was very complicated with clicks and pops and they had a script that looked like an EKG heartbeat with dots and wavy lines. I tried to figure out if they did all the work to make it real, or if they just faked it with randomness. Turns out it was pretty detailed. Cool. Then the TV series Alien Nation came out. Still good, but the language in the TV show was a simpler version. Knowing how long it takes to translate, and how hard it is to get actors to say "gibberish" in the first place, I certainly understood. The TV show's version of the language was easy to figure out. Standard English word order for the grammar. Many words were simply anagrams of their English counterparts. I recorded every episode on VHS tape, and watched it back. Keeping track of the subtitles. Learning new words. "Tagdot tay monga su. To tay mish uray." = "Tagdot (a character name) is among us. It is his time." (This is 25 year-old memory. I believe I am remembering it correctly, but I may have messed it up a little.) The point was - they got an "A" for effort from me - that it wasn't just random. When I started at Cyan, Myst's other languages were gibberish. See Achenar's recordings to the Channelwood natives. That was all recorded before I was hired. When it came time for Riven, I asked if I could take a stab at it. It might not be perfect. It might not be pretty. But it wouldn't just be random. I could at least do something like the TV version of Alien Nation did. I had no idea what I was getting into. I was always a good student. I was a pro at English grammar. "linking verbs: have, has, had, do, does, did, am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been", "Types of sentences: declarative, interrogative, imperative, exclamatory", "Pronouns: nominative, possessive, objective", "who/whom?" "11 rules for the comma" No problem. I had a great English teacher, Miss Gaupp. She's 84 now, and still teaches English! Her father lived to be 105. so she might teach a whole 'nother generation! D'ni was mostly based on Hebrew as far as the alphabet structure works. Hebrew uses a dot on some of the letters to change some consonants from a fricative like "v" to a stop like "b". Tongue and lips are in the same basic position, the dot just tells you if you completely stop the air or not. For vowels, Hebrew usually uses an extra letter a yud (y) to make a dipthong. I simplified it a little and used the same dot that is used for consonants, only when it's on a vowel, it becomes a dipthong, usually sliding from the original sound to an "ee" sound. The language using suffixes and prefixes to show number, subject, etc. are concepts I remembered from Hebrew and Spanish. Small words attach together (agglutenative) "And, the, etc." attach to the words they modify. Hebrew and German do this. The number system and alphabet evolved together - this is from Hebrew. The combination of base 5 and base 25 came from the idea: what if I use my right hand to count like tick marks and my left hand to keep track of how many sets of tick marks I have. Their coordinate system (polar coordinates) came from Rand first. I am starting a website where I plan to start releasing more and more information about D'ni. Stuff that has not been released before. It's an ambitious project. It sounds good on paper, but in my current state I am coming up with ideas much, much more quickly than I can ever hope to execute them. My To-Do list gets exponentially longer. We're going to need a lot more "back burners" on our proverbial stove. And once i'm back to work full-time on Obduction, these new projects are definitely going to take a hit. (Zeke): Could you give us a little more background on the bahro (something we dont know about them) and where the bahro concept came from? RAWA: Sorry, Zeke. I still hold too much hope that we will be able to reveal that in a game or novel to just spill it now. RAWA v2.0 may be chattier than RAWA v1.0 was, but I still would rather you experience these things for yourself than simply be told them. (Zeke): Why is Myst island closed off to the public did you plan to have Myst island released to the public at some point? RAWA: In Uru, I expect? Yes, like everything else when Uru was initially designed - we were leaving ourselves a great deal of freedom for future expansion. (Zeke): Where are the D'ni bathrooms? Did they have ages that they went to for the bathroom? RAWA: My long-running, standard answer for that is: "That's why we don't allow you to swim in Myst..." (Zeke): Why was the jump feature so important in this game? RAWA: When you plan a game that is meant to evolve and change and grow over time, you want as many options on the table as possible. As many arrows in your quiver, tools in your belt, spices in your cupboard, [insert your analogy here] as you can get. Especially when it comes to puzzle creation. You wan the flexibility to make completely new kinds of puzzles than were made anywhere in the game before. Don't get me started on the original plans for the pods (Negilahn). Picking things up with your hands, for example. Kicking the traps into place in Eder Kemo. That was never meant to be the final interface. But it worked as a stop-gap until grabbing/ holding/pushing could be implemented at a later time. Then Uru was canceled before it began, and all those grand plans sit unfulfilled. (Acorn1): We know from a recent interview with David Wingrove that a draft of the Book of Marrim exists. But we also know it's been on the back burner for years. You've told us not to give up on it. Is there anything you can tell us about what would need to happen to that draft in order to ready it for publication? RAWA: It's on my bucket list. It won't be great if I write it, but there are several critical bits in it that have to be told, and told right. The rest of the "filler" story, I don't care quite so much about. The outline we worked on with David was good and all, but <shrug>. (Mister Magic): Are there any updates in the pipeline that you can let us know a bit about? RAWA: Which pipeline? MOULa? I'm out of that loop, sorry. Obduction? We are hard at work. I have been in the office several times, briefly. Much to my wife's frustration. On Thursday, Ryan Warzecha literally asked me one question that I had to think about. It completely drained me, and I had to stop to recharge. My RAWA v2.0 joke about the upgrade is more accurate than you probably think. As soon as I try to engage my brain in any meaningful way, I immediately, literally feel myself slow down. The clock starts ticking, and my energy is quickly dissipated. The more of my brain I try to use at once, the faster the energy is gone. So the joke now is that they get to ask me one question per day, and that's it. (Tai'lahr): I greatly enjoyed the YouTube video of you singing, RAWA, so my question is: Is there any chance you could be convinced to submit a song or two to be played during the weekly Uru Karaoke event? RAWA: You're too kind. It's awful. I was too tired to play well or sing well. The lyrics drive me crazy when they "pop" a word down to the next line as they expand. But it did its job - proves I have all the pieces to make -something- work. Now it just needs some love and time. RAWA: More stuff will be placed on my YouTube channel. I've already recorded the next one, I'm just working on the graphics and lyrics. Once that next one's up, I'll go back to redo As a Deer. That was mainly for my aunt. it's her favorite song that i play (cskid13): Can we call the content that is currently being created by the Intangibles "canon?" So, in other words, will their version of Kahlo be the "real" Kahlo, etc.? (cskid13) RAWA: Our philosophy has not changed. What happens in the Cavern happens in the Cavern. We just roll with the punches and try to weave everything into the story as best we can. We certainly didn't plan for any of the Cavern closings, but they are part of the story now. If y'all make Kahlo, it will be some version of Kahlo. If the DRC ever gets funding to come back, they might find an "older" Book that links to another version of Kahlo, just like your Yeesha book does. (maggie696): this brings our prepared questions to an end. We have only one last request - that you would visit us more often RAWA: Hope springs eternal that we eventually have to officially "burn that bridge while we're crossing it" (tm).