#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made

[winterdaphne2]

Thank you so much for answering this! There's no need to apologize for a delay at all :) I know I'm late in responding myself, so I'm going to tag you here as well @asherlockstudy in the hopes you'll see this.

You've made some great points, so thank you for giving me the chance to think about all this again. I still think I have more thoughts and unanswered questions, though, so I tried to respond...and then wrote the below, which is basically an excessively long meta of my own thoughts on when John may or may not have realized. I'd be happy to hear what you think if you'd like to reply again, but there's no pressure :)

First, thank you for linking to your meta about "John's choices." It's been a while since I've read it, but I read through it again and I'm really glad you explained the scene between Sherlock and John in the entryway to 221B at the end of TEH. I'm intrigued by your point about how John tries to get Sherlock to open up in this scene. Relatedly, I agree with your comments on this meta about the train car scene. In that scene, Sherlock deliberately led John to believe that they were both about to die in the hopes that if John thought those were his last moments, he would finally open up about his feelings for Sherlock, admit that he was in love with Sherlock and not with Mary, and agree to leave Mary for Sherlock. But Sherlock misjudged the situation. John still wasn't prepared to face his feelings at that point. For John, the confrontation in the train car came too soon after Sherlock's return and before he'd had enough time to process how he truly felt about Sherlock being back. Sherlock was heartbroken when he realized that John wasn't prepared to open up and say more than he did at the graveyard, but when he saw this was the case, he revealed that he'd already turned off the bomb and used humor to diffuse the situation (which is a strategy Sherlock uses several times in S3 when he and John get themselves into emotional situations that he thinks they're unprepared to handle).

I especially appreciate your point about the entryway scene because your reading of this scene suggests that John might have only needed another day or two after that tense moment in the train car before he actually would be prepared to talk to Sherlock about his feelings. This fits so well with John's earlier behavior in TEH! When Sherlock first revealed himself to John at the Landmark, John was furious with him, and they clearly didn't part on good terms that evening. But the next day, less than 24 hours later, John had already cooled off and was counting down the hours until he could visit Sherlock after work. So perhaps John felt very similarly during and after the train car scene. At first everything happens too quickly for him, and he isn't prepared to reveal how he feels. But a day later, he's had time to process and he's ready to have a more honest conversation with Sherlock, if Sherlock seems receptive.

But of course, Sherlock doesn't understand this. Sherlock thinks that John gave him his answer in the train car and that John still isn't prepared to face his feelings for him and leave Mary. Part of the problem, I think, is that Sherlock never seems to have realized that John tried to visit him at 221B the day after he returned to London. John tried to visit Sherlock that day after his shift at the surgery, but he was kidnapped by Magnussen's men before he got up to the flat. And when John came to visit Sherlock after he rescued him from the bonfire, John didn't make any references to his earlier attempt to come to 221B. It seems like Sherlock was away from the flat and out with Molly when John came by anyway, so he couldn't have observed John on the pavement. So Sherlock never seems to know about this. He never realizes that all John needed was just one day to cool off. As a result, Sherlock closes himself off from John in the entryway scene, trying to mask how he feels as an act of self-preservation.

I am less convinced that John already knows about Sherlock's feelings by this point, though. After all, Moriarty kidnapped John to get to Sherlock back in TGG, and that didn't seem to prompt any epiphanies for John. John didn't seem to realize what Sherlock and Moriarty both had by the end of the pool scene—that Sherlock was in love with John, and that Moriarty could destroy Sherlock by either hurting John or damaging Sherlock and John's relationship.

I agree that by the time the stag night rolls around in TSOT, John has started to feel desperate and would be fully willing to cheat on Mary with Sherlock (or perhaps even leave her for him) if he felt that Sherlock gave him the go-ahead. During the stag night, Sherlock carefully tracks their alcohol intake because he believes that John truly wants to be with Mary and he's determined not to mess this up for John by allowing the two of them to cross their carefully-maintained boundaries with each other. John, however, has other ideas. John purposely spikes Sherlock's drink and takes extra shots himself in a deliberate effort to get them both drunk so that he can make a move on Sherlock. When they're back at 221B and playing the "forehead detectives" game, John does exactly that. But even though Sherlock seems relaxed and comfortable, John doesn't think Sherlock gives him enthusiastic encouragement, and he backs down. (LIST explains this in their meta here.)

To me, all of this indicates that John thinks there's hope that Sherlock might return his feelings, but he still has a lot of doubts. John has never gotten what he sees as a clear answer from Sherlock, so the fact that he thinks they both need to be drunk before he can try to make a move reveals that John doesn't feel completely confident about this. I think this likely demonstrates both that John isn't completely sure how Sherlock feels about him, and that John still isn't comfortable with what his love for Sherlock means for his own sexuality. John seems to have a lot of internalized biphobia in S3 (which is a whole other topic). And even though John knows that he isn't in love with Mary the way he is with Sherlock, and even though he might feel conflicted about settling down with her, he also seems reluctant to let go of his chance at a heteronormative lifestyle with Mary unless Sherlock is completely clear with him.

I've seen a few other people also point to that moment at the wedding reception, after Sherlock reveals that Mary is pregnant, as the moment when John finally realizes that Sherlock is in love with him. I think that's possible, but there's one thing that happens after this that really, really throws me off.

It's the scene between John and Lestrade at 221B in HLV after Sherlock escapes from the hospital. John says to Lestrade, "But why would he care? He’s Sherlock. Who would he bother protecting?" as he sits down in his own chair. And John looks genuinely confused when he say this. John!! In that moment, John still doesn't seem to realize that he is the most important person in the world to Sherlock and that Sherlock would do anything to protect him. Perhaps giving us even more evidence of this, Sherlock calls John's phone a few moments later, and John doesn't immediately answer. If we're following the phone = heart metaphor, then Sherlock is trying to reach out to John's heart, but John still doesn't get it and isn't immediately receptive. ("Answer your phone, I've been calling you!")

I agree that the scene between Sherlock, John, and Mary at 221B after they return from Leinster Gardens is an incredibly important Johnlock scene, but I read John's actions in this scene a little differently from how you do. It seems to me that John still doesn't realize that Sherlock is in love with him, and in this scene John feels furious at himself for being so in love with Sherlock when he believes that Sherlock will never feel the same way about him. John is angry at himself for never being able to let Sherlock go, no matter how hard he tries. Making things even worse, John thinks, when he tried to move on from Sherlock and find someone who wasn't like Sherlock, someone who could give him the safe, heteronormative lifestyle that he thinks he's supposed to want, the whole thing blew up in his face and led to this awful situation. So when John grits out "Always your way," to Sherlock, I think he's expressing his frustration that no matter what happens, he will always do things Sherlock's way. John is disgusted and angry at himself for being so hopelessly in love with Sherlock and unable to move on when he thinks that Sherlock will never love him back.

I do think it's possible that John finally figures things out at some point in HLV, though, and that's because of the waterfall scene in TAB. In that scene, we get this exchange:

Sherlock: Thank you, John. John: Since when do you call me “John”? Sherlock: (smiling tenderly) You’d be surprised. John: (smiling back at him) No, I wouldn’t.

As you and @ivyblossom said here, this is the moment when John reveals that he knows Sherlock is in love with him. And I also think that the way John delivers this dialogue and the tender shared smiles between him and Sherlock indicate that John is completely at peace with this. So if we read this scene as one of the many scenes in TAB that tell us something about the parts of the show that we've already seen, then this seems to give us proof that by the time Sherlock got on the plane in HLV, John had already realized that Sherlock was in love with him—and had perhaps even made peace with that.

If that's the case, but John still didn't know by the time of the scene between him and Greg in 221B, then I think it's most likely that John figured it out after Sherlock shot Magnussen. That was an incredible act of love and self-sacrifice on Sherlock's part, and even though John doesn't seem to immediately realize this in the moment, his behavior during the tarmac scene suggests that he might have figured it out afterwards. During the tarmac scene, John clearly telegraphs through his body language that he isn't prepared for an emotional goodbye with Sherlock. Sherlock picks up on this, and because Sherlock is so incredibly selfless and loves John so much, he backs down from his initial plan of finally telling John that he loves him. Sherlock realizes that John can't handle hearing that, so he once again switches to humor to try to diffuse the situation and to make John more comfortable. So, I think it's possible that John realized Sherlock was in love with him after he shot Magnussen, and that's part of why he's so upset and so unprepared for an emotional goodbye on the tarmac.

But...I say this mostly because of the waterfall scene in TAB, and I don't think the tarmac scene alone gives us definitive proof. It would still be entirely reasonable for John to feel and act the way he does on the tarmac because of his own feelings for Sherlock, without knowing that Sherlock is in love with him.

Ultimately, I think TAB still leaves things murky. There are two other possible readings of the waterfall scene, as I see it. First, all of this happens in Sherlock's head, so it's possible that this is simply what Sherlock wants desperately. Sherlock longs for John to realize that he's in love with him, to finally overcome his internalized biphobia, and to accept both his feelings for Sherlock and Sherlock's feelings for him wholeheartedly. So this could all be Sherlock's dream, but not his and John's reality at this point in the show. Alternatively, I also think the waterfall scene was initially intended to foreshadow a different ending to the show (one where Moriarty was actually still alive) that the creators abandoned for some unknown reason when they made S4. I know you've written about this scene as foreshadowing in your TAB metas! So perhaps we could also read the dialogue between John and Sherlock here as foreshadowing, indicating that John would eventually come to realize that Sherlock was in love with him and accept this. But he hadn't yet.

So in the end, I'm not sure that we have an answer as to whether or not John ever realizes that Sherlock is in love with him. The big thing that really throws things off for me is that one scene between John and Greg in HLV, because it really seems to indicate that John hadn't figured things out before that point. (If you or anyone else reading this has another explanation for that scene, though, I'd love to hear it!) If it weren't for John's dialogue in that scene, I could definitely see a lot of the other scenes in HLV as evidence that Sherlock and John both know about each other's feelings. And I also totally agree with you that something seems to have gone terribly wrong behind the scenes after S3, and the creators scrapped their original plans for the show's ending. To me, that's a big reason why TAB leaves things feeling so ambiguous. Since we'll never know exactly what the creators were planning for the rest of the show when they made TAB, it's hard to know if the waterfall scene was meant to provide commentary on events that had already happened, to reflect Sherlock's desires and nothing more, or foreshadow what was yet to come. And if it was intended to do some mixture of all three, then we don't know what that means for the Johnlock moment in that scene.

Anyway, thanks again for replying to my ask! I'm sorry I wrote something so long right back at you, but this post just got longer and longer the more I thought about everything! A big thank you to anyone else who might have stumbled upon this and read it 😊

Hi! If you're still open to answering Sherlock-related asks, I was wondering when you think John realized Sherlock was in love with him? I know you've said you think they both know about each other's feelings, and I'm with you on when Sherlock figures out about John. But I've never been able to quite figure out when John recognizes Sherlock's feelings. I think the waterfall scene in TAB implies that John knows, and I think he might know by the time of the tarmac scene. But I'm not sure. Thanks!

Hello! I am so sorry for this huge delay. I was busy IRL and at the same time a lot of stuff was happening in another fandom which is very active rn, so the ask was kinda staying behind. I know answered asks get a notification however I will tag you here too @winterdaphne2 to make sure you see this after all this time.

Yes, I strongly believe John knows by HLV. I talk about it a little in the meta "Why did Sherlock push John and Mary back together?" . The key phrase "Your way. Always your way" and the context within which it was uttered, John's confession that Mary was never supposed to be someone he would truly fall in love with (as opposed to Sherlock who was ticking all John's boxes, adventurous people living in danger etc) and Sherlock understanding it but pretending he didn’t and thus failing John and provoking more anger in him ("Why is everything...always... MY FAULT?!"), all those things make me conclude John knew by that point that Sherlock loved him and yet he was insisting on doing nothing about it. In other words, John knew the truth.

As to when he first realised, well we should keep in mind that John suspects Sherlock is gay from the very first day they moved in together because everybody who knows Sherlock insinuates it, Mycroft, Mrs Hudson, Donovan... The fact that from the Blind Banker onwards John suddenly becomes very heteronormative and defensive shows he feels a "threat" in the atmosphere, both due to his own impulses but also due to Sherlock's flamboyant demeanour, his habits, including casually walking around him naked (see John’s blog). In fact, when John starts suspecting Sherlock might be into the Woman, he's equal parts angry and startled. I suppose there was no way to know before the third season because Sherlock was so emotionally guarded, however he did hope, given his suspicions that Sherlock was gay and that their bond was unique and he was visibly an exception in how Sherlock treated people in his life.

At the wedding night John sees the sorrow on Sherlock's face and nearly has a heart attack. I think everything was confirmed there for him. However, I think the time he started landing on the conclusion for good was in TEH. This is the episode in which, after John is kidnapped and thrown into the fire, John keeps pressing Sherlock for an answer regarding why one would choose to harm him if it's Sherlock they are after. He is not truly wondering though. He lingers in the pavement (always a romantic affair, Sherlock tells us in the next episode) and then goes up and asks this with a very knowing look. Then again towards the end of the episode, in the staircase. His face screams suspicion, it screams tease, it screams expectation to finally hear Sherlock say it. Alas, Sherlock doesn't. Met with Sherlock's stubborness and with a wedding proposal looming over his head, John has no choice but to open up himself so he starts telling Sherlock that he went to his grave and "spoke" to him. Sherlock acknowelges this but again chooses to avoid the conversation John tries to start multiple times. John gives up and resumes his proposal to Mary. I think at this episode John finally knew for sure but he also realised that Sherlock was determined to not act on his feelings. I have made a more detailed analysis of this with pictures in the meta "John's Choices (from TEH to TLD)".

Besides, the next episode, TSOT, is the only time John actually makes a physical advance on Sherlock. Sure he was inebriated but I think John had SO many inhibitions anyway that even when drunk he would not be so bold if he wasn’t getting all the green lights of the world from Sherlock at that moment. So, he knew. He knew that if Sherlock dropped his fascade, he would want this.

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

[chaussetteblanche]

Training with Luke

pairing : luke castellan x fem!reader summary : the evolution of luke training you with a sword word count : 1.3k warnings : none

When you had agreed to Luke trying to teach you how to use a sword, this wasn't what you had been expecting at all. You'd warned him about your inability. Many before him had tried to teach you, but you had never managed to even swing the weapon properly. You had come to the conclusion that swords were your mortal enemy and that you would for sure die at the hand of one.

"Pshh, I don't believe that for one second, you just haven't found the right teacher, doll." Luke had scoffed one sunny afternoon, after you'd confided in him your inability to wield his favourite weapon. You rolled your eyes and pushed his shoulder. "Careful, I think your ego may be inflating." He chuckled, shaking his head. "No, no, but come on, I'm serious." Luke turned to you, angling his head to the side and giving you a soft smile. "Please let me try to teach you. I won't promise anything, you certainly won't be able to beat me, but maybe you can learn the basics without cutting a finger off." You pursed your lips as you thought. After weighing the pros and cons, you finally conceded with a sigh. "Fine, you and your modesty have convinced me." He rolled his eyes. You continued. "But you have to promise to go easy on me." "I promise, pretty girl."

And that is how you found yourself all geared up and very groggy on this Saturday morning. You wiped some of the sleep out of your eyes and yawned once again. The sun was just starting to rise, casting a golden glow on the arena you both stood in. Luke, who stood a few meters away from you, crossed his arms over his chest.

"Why are you so tired anyway?" "Because... I don't know if you remember, but there was a party last night and I-" "Oh, yes, I remember very well. You and Clarisse were on fire, dancing and singing, or should I say shrieking, and pouring everybody more drinks." He chuckled as he remembered the night before, which had only been a few hours ago. He'd been there, of course, he always came to parties, but he'd barely drank anything and had left pretty early. Unlike you. He had claimed he had to train in the morning, and you hadn't realised that had included you until this morning, when he'd come to wake you up. "How dare you. I'll have you know that some Apollo kids have asked me if I'm really sure that I am not one of them, considering my musical talents are extraordinary." You lied, feigning offence. "Yeah, right, that's likely." He snorted. "Anyway, enough chit-chat, get into stance."

You did as you were told, placing one foot ahead and the angling the other slightly outward. Luke circled you, eyes trained to your body. He gently tapped your shoulders, reminding you to keep them straight. You moved them immediately. "Good girl," he praised. You bit back a smile, your stomach flipping.

"Okay, now I'm going to come at you, okay? I'll go easy on you, just like you asked," he smirked. You rolled your eyes at his words, which you knew had an underlying meaning. "Just do it, Castellan." You readied yourself. He nodded once and bolted forward. Before you could register anything or react, you were on the ground with Luke's sword at your neck and a dull pain in your ass. You coughed as dust raised around you. "You know you're supposed to block, right?" he asked, lifting his sword and moving the blade out of your way. He held out his hand, chuckling. "You ass." You took his hand and let him help you up. You rubbed your bum with your free hand. "That was not going easy on me!" "You have to trust me, I really was. If I hadn't I would have done this." Before you could even reply, Luke had kicked your legs out from beneath you and lightly kneeled over your chest, making sure not to hurt you. "I hate you," you spat. "Get off me." You pushed at his legs and sat up. You knew your cheeks were red and you hated yourself for it. You pouted as you looked up at him.

"You see? It's no use. I'm no good with a sword and you can't change that." You folded your arms over your chest, very aware that you probably looked like a disgruntled child. "Darling, don't give up just yet." Luke gently pulled you up by the elbow and picked your sword up off the ground. He wiped some dirt off your cheek. "I'm sorry, that was mean. But don't give up yet! We can still try offence!" You huffed as you took your sword. "Fine. But stop calling me pet names." You didn't actually want him to stop, but if you wanted to take this seriously, he had to stop distracting you.

"If you manage to beat me, I'll stop," he bargained. "That's hardly fair," you sighed as you got into stance and raised your sword. He only shrugged. "C'mon, hit me with your best shot."

Over the weeks, you surprisingly got better at fighting with a sword. You stopped only using your customary bow and arrow and started carrying around a sword, much to the surprise of everyone who knew you. Training with Luke had not only made you better, it had also brought you two closer together. You'd been good friends since you'd arrived at camp, a few months after he did, but you had never spent as much time together as you did now. And such proximity made you question what you felt for him.

You met him one afternoon for training, feeling frustrated. Since you'd got up that morning, everything had gone awry. You'd got assigned shitty chores, had had to break up a fight between two new campers and in the midst had suffered a bird attack. Needless to say, you were looking forward to releasing some anger. But Luke was acting strange.

"Quit going easy on me," you grumbled as you helped him to his feet after knocking him to the ground for the third time. "I'm not going easy on you." He shook his head, frowning slightly. "Yes, you are. Stop it." You glared at him. "I'm not-" You lifted your sword and kicked him in the chest. He didn't even block and fell over once more. You'd never seen his camp shirt so covered in dirt.

"Stop bullshitting me, Castellan." You raised your sword and pointed the blade at his throat. "Okay, okay, fine, I'll stop," he grumbled. He rolled his eyes and pushed your blade away before lifting his hand for you to take. You slapped his hand with the flat of your blade and pointed your sword back at his neck. He frowned. "You're not getting away that easy." "Hey, doll, c'mon-" "No." He sighed and threw his head back, exposing his neck and the coloured beads hanging from it. Your eyes were drawn to his soft exposed skin but your focused again, clearing your throat. "Come on, get up. By yourself." "You asked for it."

He swung his legs across your ankles, making you yelp and fall to the ground. And before you could reach for your sword which had slipped out of your grasp, he had pinned you down by the wrists. "Am I going easy on ya now, darling?" You grimaced and squirmed but the hold he had on your wrists would not budge. And with him straddling your hips, you couldn't move your legs. You looked up at him and saw the coloured beads you knew so well swinging above your face. You swallowed. "No, you're not." "Are you happy?" "I'll be happy when you stop being such a smug ass, Castellan." His laughter was music to your ears.

[fun-k-board]

Hey, could I request Bi Han/Sub Zero romantic headcannons with a male reader who is his right hand man and childhood friend?

Bi-Han / Sub-Zero with a boyfriend who's his childhood friend

Note(s) : I'm gonna be honest, I don't really like him, but I want to try and be a better writer by writing about characters I don't like. Please, give me critiques on how I wrote him!

First of all, he was incredibly moody as a child already, not exactly of his own volition having a dad like his would ruin any kid, so if you can't handle people who are mean on purpose? You'd have a REALLY hard time getting along with him.

Bi-Han was always brooding, in the corner with a frown, he eats with a frown, sleeps frowning, talks to his brother's frowning, the only time he's ever smiling is either in private or when it's just him and Kuai Liang, but it doesn't happen that often any more after his dad died.

To befriend him, you'd either need to be a part of the Lin Kuei, either born into the clan, maybe the son of one of the lower Lin Kuei members, or found and taken in by the clan, or somehow be involved with one of the Lin Kuei's missions.

It's a long and slow process, but even just talking to him once a day will eventually gain a semblance of trust, it'll be hard to show it, and he mostly does by standing next to you and sometimes agreeing with you, but these things will take time.

By your teenage years, you two began training together, maybe he tends to be a little rougher than other Lin Kuei, and maybe he's broken your nose once, twice, possibly even thrice before, but he did apologise, eventually.

He would confide in you about troubles with his brothers, well, he insists that Smoke isn't a brother and more like a stray even though that's just not true, but Bi-Han would be awkward and reserved about talking with you.

He feels that this isn't your business, and not only that, he feels like you just... Wouldn't get it? While he understands you may have issues of your own, his situation is rather unique.

His troubles mainly consist of Kuai Liang and Tomas upholding tradition, Bi-Han believes that his brothers view tradition higher than him, and even though he's grandmaster, that they don't take his opinions into account.

Of course, this is ludicrous, his brothers follow his every word and typically offer little resistance, though, if you try to tell him that he will just storm off and claim he was right all along and that you don't understand. He'll eventually come to his senses and realise what you said was true, but, won't apologise.

If you agree with him, or at least say you do, he'll murmur a gruff complaint about his brother's and then you'll sit in silence for a while.

By the time MK1 rolls around, he's fairly jaded, he doesn't like talking to his own brothers, he dislikes them a fair amount actually, but he still loves them, or, at least he holds love in his heart for Kuai, he still hates Smoke.

Bi-Han doesn't know exactly what he feels for you, he knows it's not friendship, but at the same time, he's never really had friends before, so, he can't be sure. All he understands is that he values you, and more importantly, your opinion, if you disagree with him it may hurt his pride, but please, stay firm, he comes around eventually, only with you.

He wants to wait for something, that maybe proves you may love him, because when that rolls around, he can fully decide whether to act on his emotions or not.

You most likely accompany the trio to stop Shang Tsung, and you'll most likely be there when Bi-Han betrays the Lin Kuei. Obviously, you choose to stay with him, and, it breaks Smoke and Scorpions heart, they may not have known you too well, but, they knew you were one of the only things that would stop him from going down that path.

In a way, you both failed them that day.

Now, after proving your loyalty to him, you're basically his right hand man and oversee a lot of the clan, you train young and old recruits, you maintain a harsh schedule everybody is expected to follow, you help Bi-Han with whatever he needs, and sometimes need to force him to take a day off.

By the way, he won't let you say his actual name, you always have to either call him Sub-Zero or Grandmaster, depending on if you're on a mission or not, his name is personal to him, a core part of his identity, and, until you're closer, he feels awkward letting you call him Bi-Han.

During this, he becomes even more angry, even more distant, even with you, and it may take pushing, reminding him of your childhood spent together, for him to crack.

He won't come crying into your arms, he doesn't beg for forgiveness or want any, he just sits there, and begins to rant. He rants about how he feels like, if he was a better grandmaster, his brothers would have joined him, if he was a better grandmaster, maybe he wouldn't have joined Shang Tsung, and wouldn't have been tempted by his lies.

You hold a hand to his shoulder, and you confess, you tell him what you think about him, how you feel about his temptation into evil by Shang Tsung, and even though he doesn't want forgiveness, you give it.

And, with permission, you hold his hand. It's a small step, but, it's the most contact you two will have together for a long time.

Now, he gives you small smiles in private, nothing wide, but something so tiny it's hard to differentiate from not having an expression at all, he gives you some time off, more than he gives himself, anyway, and more importantly? He feels himself relaxed around you.

Telling a joke that would once make him scoff and walk away now makes him let out a gruff and amused noise, it's a mix between a laugh and breath of air, and he only does it for you.

Dinners with him are less awkward, when before you would sit in silence, hesitantly taking bites from food. You two now chat quietly about your day, each recruit, and sometimes about each other. You can actually enjoy the food and his presence.

He lets you call him Bi-Han now, not in public, but, when you two are alone, in a hallway, in your rooms, having dinner or breakfast privately, whichever situation calls for you two to be alone, he lets you call him by his name, and, it makes him feel vulnerable. It makes him feel loved.

He's always held your opinion in high regard, but now, it's honestly the only one that matters besides his own, and he does, silently, hope you aren't so tempted by power like he is.

Bi-Han may take longer to kiss or cuddle you than what most would consider normal, he loves you, he knows he does now, but, he's nervous, no, he's afraid. He knows he's a rough man, and he knows how uncaring and even violent he is and can come across as, so, naturally, he tries to avoid the subject. He doesn't want to do anything without your consent, but he's also far too afraid to ask.

It will take you to ask him, you'll need to make the first move, and when you do ask him for that first kiss, he gives you that small, hardly noticeable smile, and you both lean in, closing your eyes...

It's awkward. Maybe you know how to kiss, maybe you don't, but Bi-Han definitely doesn't, and, it shows. He feels slightly embarrassed at how lost he is, but, you two can learn together, and even just telling him, hey, maybe it wasn't the best, but, we can learn together, lifts his spirits an unnatural degree.

For the next week, the schedules become less strict for most Lin Kuei members, and any mess ups are met with less harsh, but still kind of harsh, punishments.

Kissing is basically ingrained into your schedule now, once in the morning on the cheek before breakfast, maybe once at lunch if it's a tough day, and always a peck on the lips at night before bed.

It takes less time to cuddle if you've already kissed before, sure, it still takes a bit long, but, so do most things with this man. Maybe it starts with holding his hand, or, sitting on his bed and talking about things, training gets hard sometimes, so perhaps you're just a bit tired.

You look up at him and quietly ask if you can just lay down for a while, or, maybe you just lay down yourself and wait for any objections, either way, he lets you lay down, and eventually, lays down next to you. Your hands hold each other tightly, your head is resting on his shoulder and it feels strangely perfect, despite how stiff his shoulders are.

This becomes semi natural in your schedule, but only after a long day, cuddling each other until you or him are on the brink of sleep, and then you return to your bed. You two still sleep in separate beds, that's just how he prefers things, no matter how much he trusts you, it's just more comfortable.

I'd recommend cuddling in summer, because, he's insanely cold and the winter is not at all suited for cuddle sessions between you two.

It takes a bit for you two to start calling each other 'boyfriend', not because Bi-Han doesn't consider you his lover, and therefore boyfriend, but because he sort of just assumes that kissing, cuddling, all of that, makes you together automatically, and, he doesn't like announcing his relationships.

It's not like he's embarrassed of you, he seriously isn't, but, you're the only person who sees the vulnerable side of him, and he prefers to keep it that way. None of the other Lin Kuei members, god forbid any one else, deserves to know your relationship with each other.

Dates are rare, extremely rare, you two have major responsibilities within the clan, and, Bi-Han doesn't trust anybody enough for them to run it while you two are away, so, the most date-like thing you'll experience is eating dinner together after every one has had theirs and left.

[vxperorchist]

Hewwo~ Can I request Kazuha, Heizou and Thoma with an obedient s/o. How would they treat her? How does he respond to her always agreeing without an argument.

Reader from an old school family(took from how japanese women treated back then) where her parents and family are sexist, look down and treat her back. Her parents force to "train" her how to be a good housewife. So it's sorta of a unhealthy habit to just follow whatever the man says without question it. And always have a smile, doing most housework and make sure to please her Lover. And that's what makes them concerned.

Just a random idea lol

Traditional roles. (Thoma, Heizou, and Kazuha x Fem! Reader)

Scenario: Reader grows up in a traditional household, with that comes the habit of being obedient to the point it becomes a recognized issue.

Warnings: Reader has a old/traditional upbringing, can be seen as a rough childhood.

This is so unique! I have never written something like this, and i really do like the aspect of messing around with the readers upbringing and making them different! Thank you so much for requesting too! <333

Kazuha:

He was honestly one of the more observant people who noticed this behavior.

He thought it was just your personality, but realized after a while when you'd always give up on a disagreement.

He test it to make sure, saying something that was incorrect to see if you'd correct him, which you never would.

He didn't know much about how you grew up, you'd mentioned it a few times to him about how you weren't emotionally close with your parents, and he'd brush it off, not wanting to pry.

He was able to come to the conclusion himself that you were raised in a traditional housewife role.

If you wanted that lifestyle, he wouldn't have changed it, but he knew you didn't want that for yourself, and he didn't want it for you regardless.

He was gentle with it, not wanting to throw you off at first. He'd pick up small chores, which you considered "your job."

You dismiss him, telling him you could get it, but he wouldn't budge.

"Let me help you, there's quite a bit on your plate"

Those words seemed so foreign to you, but you wouldn't fight him if he wanted to help. Wasn't that a part of your role after all?

Soon enough he was taking up tasks by himself, you were puzzled by your new situation of freedom.

Getting you to correct him was the biggest challenge, as you were raised to never talk back, even if it was a correction, you were never right in their eyes.

To combat this, he'd start with simple things you could correct him on.

"What color was that flower you liked again? Was it lavender? I believe it's lavender... Or was it sky blue?"

You'd hesitate for a second, opening and closing your mouth a few times without anything coming out.

He of course knew the color of the flower you liked, but this was his method of changing your ways.

"It was the sky blue one, the one we found on the beach together." You corrected with a large exhale, as if a pressure had just been released from your back.

From there on, he'd subtly assist you in changing that traditional role :)

Heizou

He noticed overtime, with a frown on his face Every time you didn't correct him when he was talking out loud about a case he was working.

"The suspect has black hair, standing around 5 feet 7 inches."

The suspect was blonde.

You had a better memory than him sometimes, and he knew that.

He was more persistent, he was an investigator after all.

He'd ask you questions all the time about your childhood, trying to put the pieces together on why you were so obedient to him.

He did some extensive research on your parents, some could call it stalking, but he called it investigating.

He learned they were stuck by the traditional roles of the land, this was something generational. He wanted you to be the breakthrough, because in reality, those roles were so old they weren't beneficial in the time now.

He was determined to fix the mindset you had. He tried to be gentle, but he didn't want this mindset to last any longer.

He took up all the roles you took upon himself.

The chores? All done before you were awake.

You were startled, and a little overwhelmed as it was a situation you were unfamiliar with. You didn't know what to do with yourself.

You didn't know how to explain to Heizou that you relied on those chores to keep you busy, and they felt like a purpose.

Being so caught up in chores didn't allow you to have any real hobbies, and he encouraged you to go out with him or find something you were interested in.

Everytime you'd attempt to do a chore that you saw as your responsibility, he smoothly put himself in front of you, gently pushing you by your waist the other direction as you tried to protest.

You were thankful for him, for showing you freedom from the traditional roles, even if it was overwhelming in the beginning.

Thoma

Thoma took more time then the others to realize how your childhood was effecting you.

It completely blew over his head for a while, he was convinced it was simply your personality.

It took him some time to realize this was something external affecting you, and this wasn't your natural personality.

Thoma was already super gentle with you, if you insisted on wanting to do something like chores, he'd let you without an argument.

It wasn't until you were physically exhausting yourself that he noticed.

After a long day for the both of you when chores still needed to be done, he'd suggest doing them the next day.

You however, physically exhausted, eyes barely open, demanded you do it as soon as possible.

This was one of the only times he tried to argue against you. He loved you, and wanted you to do what made you happy, but if it was physically harming you then he wouldn't allow it.

He guided you back to bed, his hands clamping around your hips as you struggled against his much taller frame.

He'd realize how you did this out of habit, which made him further realize this was how you were raised to be, devoted to the male figure at all times.

He asked Ayato for advice, and Ayato was able to inform Thoma on your family history. (Ayato has connections... So many of them.)

Thoma was able to attempt to break those traditional roles you were so reliant on.

He appreciated you had something you were built on, but didn't appreciate the fact it was both mentally and physically demanding to uphold this lifestyle.

He was incredibly gentle and understanding with you throughout the process, he knew how long this could take, as it was a tradition thrown on you a long time ago.

He was patient with you, and was with you every step of the way in figuring yourself out. <3

[fuxuannie]

Do you think you could write Jing yuan crushing on Trailblazer!reader? Like just some general headcanons and his reaction when they leave Xianzhou Luofu.

* pairing : jing yuan x gender neutral reader

* prompt : ♡

* authors note : working and clearing out requests! so there'll be a ton or atleast a handful coming out today before i reopen requests again ^_^ i'm definitely gonna need a small break after this (ﾉ_；)ヾ(´ ∀ ` )

* brief warning : spoilers ish for luofu arc!

ּ ִֶָ ࣪✦ JING YUAN thinks falling for a trailblazer is all fun and games till they leave.

— At your arrival, Jing Yuan's intentions with you and the Astral Express family that came with you were simply business related (aka having you run his errands)

— However, you caught his eye. The determination you had, the kindness you had for his people and the smile in your eyes. He found his attention constantly on you every time he saw you and the others.

— He found his teasing with you fun, because you'd jokingly flirt back as it was in your nature to match peoples energies. (Of course, with Welt being a little overprotective father and glaring at Jing Yuan sometimes)

— His advances were mostly for his own enjoyment, but he found himself slowly growing more and more enamored with you and your character

— "it's normal to think about them all the time?? right??" "general, why are you asking a 14 year old"

— He began to miss your presence, whenever you weren't around, a part of him felt a little sad or just wanted to be by your side. Not even needing to do anything, just time with you is enough

— Jing Yuan absolutely adores your strength, and will admit that it's very attractive that you're able to match his own skill set. His favorite excuse to be with you is claiming he wants to have sparring sessions with you and train. (daily.)

— But it's purely coincidental how he claims he's tired once you arrive, and asks you to talk about yourself and your travels. Then you have that really cheesy moment where Jing Yuan is looking at you with such loving eyes, his attention focusing on you and how the light makes you glow in such a way that makes you ethereal looking. Your beauty on par with an Aeon.

— Once the issue within the Xianzhou is solved, the realization that you must leave still hasn't set in until you tell him.

"I can't believe it's all over!" You stretched, absolutely exhausted with all the work and stress you went through in your visit to the Xianzhou. You're about to complain about how awful you felt currently, but Stelle elbows you to the stomach as Dan Heng is blankly staring at his hand after his dragon form was awakened. "..I'm just glad we'll get to go home."

That sentence catches the General's attention as he was speaking to Welt, he was thanking him for all his help but his heart began to sink as the reality of you returning to your expedition around the galaxy were to now return. And that meant you were leaving the Xianzhou, that you were leaving him.

Welt notices how he seems to be in a daze, and clears his throat. "If you want to spend one more day together, I can insist to them that we should stay a little longer before we return to the Express. I'm sure March has some places she wants to visit, and you have far too much you want to say."

Jing Yuan turns back to him with slightly widened eyes, "That's new. I thought you didn't like me?"

"I don't, but someone does. And I'd rather not let people live with regrets."

He thanks Welt for his kindness, watching him approach the four of you and supposedly propose the idea of staying for the rest of the day. In which you all agree, but a fond smile is on Jing Yuan's face when he sees the sparkle in your eyes as Welt suggested the thought.

As the group went their separate ways and agreed to meet in the hotel when the day was over, Jing Yuan approached you and placed a hand on your shoulder. "Oh! Hey, did you need something?" And he answers with a nod, pulling away from you and beginning to walk a certain direction. You tilt your head a bit in confusion from where you stand before letting out an 'Oh!' as you realized he wanted you to follow him.

You're right beside him, staring straight as he walks with long strides and his eyes were looking at you in a way that was unnoticeable. Jing Yuan likes how clueless you were, how you were smiling along the way and humming a tune as he brought you to wherever your destination was.

As the sun began to set, the sky turned to an orange hue as it slowly disappeared in the distance. And all the while you admired the sun, he was admiring you. You who was kind to people who you never knew. You who's heart was as pure as gold. You, all of you, there was so much for him to love and he wanted nothing more than to tell you that.

"How long do you think a human can wait?" Jing Yuan asked as you arrived to an open space with several beautiful trees surrounding you. There was a pause, before you look at him and smile. "Well, it depends on what they're waiting for, no? If it's something they really want deep in their hearts.. I think we are capable of waiting for the right time and however long it needs to grasp it and call it yours." You answered with your hands to your hips and your head raised up high, priding yourself with the excellent answer you gave.

The General laughed, patting your head and giving you a close eyed smile of his own. "You're right, that's a brilliant answer."

"And I suppose I'm willing to wait for that right time, the right time in the universe for when you're ready and come back to the Xianzhou. That will be the day I tell you, the day where you get to know my true feelings for you and how much you really meant to me."

[whorediaries-09]

so you pack your life away

pairing- sirius black x auror!reader warning(s)- hurt/comfort. a/n- for the story's worth, reader was in gryffindor.

little train. series masterlist.

you crossed your leg over the other, stretching out your limbs. sirius handed you an ice cream before he sat down beside you on the park bench. the night had fallen, but somewhere within the quiet revering silence amongst the chilly breeze and sirius' presence made you lose your presence of mind, which further resulted in losing the track of time.

yet, it was nice to actually have company apart from your colleagues. also somebody who you remembered being a part of your youth.

'if you don't mind sirius, why are you wandering about here? i mean don't you want to rewind in the wizarding world?' sirius took a bite of his ice cream sandwich before answering you.

'i mean, the press is after me. i don't exactly want rita skeeter rushing about in the daily prophets. we all know how she is. i also read the recent articles she wrote about you, and save you, you've been absolutely crushed by her.'

'we all know how rita skeeter is,' you chuckled. sirius shook his head, agreeing with you, letting out a bark like laughter into the wind. it ruffled with his hair, tousling them. suddenly, he felt a pang tug at his throat.

'i wouldn't be here without you, i'm so grateful for you.' he said, taking your hand into his. your hand melted into his warm, rough and calloused touch. you nodded, staring into his deep gray eyes. the sparkle of life had been enlightened into the true sirius black gaze. and from within, you felt it slowly burning your heart. slow, calm and tepid. but you let it.

you let him escape his quiet treason.

'i told you, sirius, i stand for true justice. i believed in you. dumbledore betrayed you, i know.'

sirius felt his eyes pool with unshed tears as you talked to him softly, treating him like a person, not a deranged criminal. the voices in his head screamed horribly shrill and loud, as he escaped his quiet treason, and into your arms.

'how did you know it was not me? there have been countless prisoners with no trial. why me and not them?' the moment sirius spilled those words from his lips, you knew you'd been doomed. while you had been expecting the question at some point of time, you didn't know the time would come so soon.

'sirius, i was with you at hogwarts.'

'what! i don't remember you being there! and for what it's worth...you look younger than me...'

'you don't remember me because i am three years younger than you. so naturally, we never shared any classes. but what we did have in common was the quidditch team. i was on the quidditch team. i'm not sure if you remember, however i still owe my beater's skills to your teaching. you taught me a few significant steps and tricks.' sirius awkwardly glanced at your face, bubbling with curiousty.

'i remember your group- the marauders. the pranks, the mischief each and every one of you caught up. significantly, i remember remus. he used to tutor me, since i'd gotten too distracted with quidditch. he was quiet and seemingly timid, but i sensed their was some sort of mischief behind his facade. james who was the better one between the two them, at transfiguration sometimes joined. i think mcgonagall never asked james to tutor me because she knew he had a very low attention span. he was always fidgeting with the snitch. although i do think for the most part, james went to the library to solely woo lily.' sirius silently laughed, letting the words consume him. he noticed you'd carefully dodged their other friend, peter.

'and what about me? do you only remember me being your mentor at being a beater?'

'of course not, sirius. i remember a lot of things about you. especially about you, actually because i could never go a day without hearing your name. my friend had a huge crush on you and she wouldn't go a day without talking about you.' sirius grinned, sparing his sparkly white teeth.

'is that so? did that annoy you?'

'it did annoy me sometimes yes, but who didn't have a huge crush on sirius black at hogwarts? everybody had the hots for you back then. my friend initially became jealous when she learnt that you had been teaching me, so i decided to keep myself away from you and not be more than a sort of teacher and student. and a few days later, she asked you out and you declined because she was too young. and the feelings disappeared like poof.'

he laughed heartily at your articulate description. 'i also remember in my second year, something became very grave within your group. after a few years, the news broke that you had escaped and walburga black had disowned you. we never knew where you went, but by grace, i had guessed that you were staying at james'. the point is, you two were like two peas in a pod, almost like brothers. which told me everything i needed to know. you didn't kill him, no you couldn't. so, while studying the trial less cases for my examinations, yours was the most recent and the most deranged- and the most unjustified. i had my mind made up the moment went through it, that you deserved the freedom.'

he bit his lower lip, carefully sliding his front row of teeth upon his lower lip.

'you don't know me yet you did so much for me, i can never thank you enough.'

'you packed your life to move into a shit hole even when you didn't deserve it. if you think you owe me something, no you don't. the ministry owes you, sirius. the years of youth and mourning they snatched away from you, keeping you bound to a prison. you'd escaped one when as a child, but they tied you down again. the prejudiced fuckers will never understand the things you went through.' sirius felt the tears escape as you strengthened your grasp around his hand. you were spewing anger, hot and boiling which brimmed at the edge of your patience. you clenched your jaw as the silent breeze struck into his hair.

sirius wanted to calm you down. while he wasn't sure how to, he awkwardly moved closer to you, so his knee was brushing with yours. he freed his hand and cradled your face into his clasp.

'thank you,' he whispered, 'can i hug you?' he said, desperate to comfort you. more than you, perhaps he wanted to feel your touch - the same touch that had calmed him down during the trial. the same touch that had made him feel safe after being touch starved for so long. you nodded. his arms wrapped around your body, engulfing you into his warm, comforting embrace. your crumbled body within his arms felt like the serene touches of maa on his scalp as she rubbed coconut oil.

he had packed up his life, and for a fortnight, he thought he'd acquired the freedom he had ruined his life for. he had allowed the joys to relish him in warmth.

but when your arms wrapped around his body, pulling him closer, he felt a sliver of hope to unpack his life.

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original idea posted by - @lilwnet

taglist - @reggieisfit @siriuslycaptainofthedawntreader @jamespottergf @eternallybipanicking @fictional-magic @iamgayforyourmom1510

taglist (for series) - @urbansaint

(if you want to be tagged please send a request through my inbox.)

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[captainsophiestark]

Procrastination

Grant Ward x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Grant Ward and his longtime best friend recently started dating, although the rest of the Bus team doesn't know about it yet. When wading through the drudge work at SHIELD, they're able to be each other's perfect distraction.

Word Count: 1,590

Category: Fluff, Humor

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I huffed in frustration as I worked on coiling one rope after another, putting away all the tactical gear the team had dragged out for our latest pitstop to deal with a situation that almost got us all killed. Of course, I'd been signing on for a life of that stuff when I joined Ops, but nobody had told me about all the work that came afterwards taking care of the gear.

"How're those ropes coming?"

I shot a glare over my shoulder at my boyfriend, Grant Ward, as he passed behind me, his arms full of go-bags. His expression and delivery made me think he was being sincere, but all the same, I wasn't a fan of the question.

"Terrible. Can't you get Skye to do this? You're her SO."

"A good SO doesn't make the person they're training doing all the grunt work just because they can," Grant said, dropping the bags on the table next to me before putting his hands on his hips and raising an his eyebrows at me. "Aren't you the one who first told me that?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Didn't stop you from making me clean our entire jump jet top to bottom."

"That's because it wasn't our jump jet, it was SHIELD's. I didn't want to get called into a supervisor's office because you'd decided to decorate for the month we had use of it."

I paused my work with the ropes, turning to face him with a grin.

"You liked the pictures from our trips being up in the cockpit, though. I know you did."

The corner of Grant's mouth tugged up in a smile, although I could see him fighting to hold it back.

"You'll never get me to admit it."

I just snorted, leaning my shoulder into his. Instead of leaning back, like I'd been expecting, Grant took the opportunity to wrap his arm across my shoulders, pressing a kiss to my temple as he pulled me into his side.

"Grant... the rest of the team's still here..."

Grant hummed like he was thinking, and I bit my lip. We hadn't actually told any of our team on the Bus that we were dating yet, since it had been a somewhat recent development after many years of being best friends. We'd agreed to keep things quiet, at least for a little while, so we didn't have to hear anybody chiming in on our relationship or giving us knowing looks whenever we did something normal together. They were our friends, so we'd have to tell them eventually, but neither of us was ready just yet.

I started to pull away from Grant to get back to our stupid ropes, but he caught my hand before I could.

"Come on. It's been a long day, we're not done."

I raised an eyebrow, but followed as he tugged me along behind him. The plane wasn't very big, so it only took a moment for me to realize we were heading for a storage closet at the back of the gear room. I grinned and shook my head.

"Grant... this feels like a bad idea."

He paused at the door, taking in my grinning face before tugging me a little closer to him, leaning down until his mouth was just inches from mine.

"By all means, feel free to go back to wrapping rope and cleaning gear kits."

I huffed a sigh. "Alright, point taken. But just for a minute."

I turned as I spoke, opening the door to the closet and stepping inside. Grant was right on my heels, pulling the door shut behind us. His hands quickly found my waist, pulling me even closer to him in the already cramped space.

"I can't believe it took us so long to do this," he breathed. I huffed a laugh.

"Me neither."

We shared a breathless smile, then in sync, closed the rest of the distance between us in a long, slow kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, one hand running up into his hair as he held me tightly to his chest. After a moment, he deepened the kiss and I let him with a sigh.

Grant took a step forward, neither of us breaking apart, until my back hit the far wall of the closet. I let out a breathy laugh, smiling up at him as he pulled back before kissing along my jaw, down towards my neck.

"Grant... I love you. You know that, right?"

"Of course I know." He paused, spending a little extra time on my pulse point before straightening up again to meet my eyes. "I love you too."

I smiled, then surged forward to kiss him again, tangling one hand in his hair as I rested the other on his shoulder, pulling him closer to me even though we were already about as close as we could be. His hands ran up and down my sides, and I honestly could've stayed like that with him forever. Unfortunately, we did both still have jobs to do, and we could only escape those jobs together for so long before they called us back.

After another few, long moments, I brought my hand up to Grant's cheek to still him and leaned away. His eyes searched my face, and I sighed.

"We should probably get out of this closet before somebody notices we're gone."

Grant hummed, darting back in for one last peck before pulling more fully away.

"You're probably right. Fortunately, we're scheduled to be on the ground and staying in a hotel to respond to the latest call for SHIELD's mobile unit. I made sure our rooms are far away from the rest of the team's."

"Best of all, nobody'll be suspicious about it because you always do that anyway to avoid forced team-bonding."

"Like it ever actually helped me escape anything. Even before we started dating, you always managed to find me and drag me along."

"You're welcome. Now come on, we both have a bunch of gear kits standing between us and the break we both want once the plane lands."

Grant sighed, giving my waist one last squeeze before he turned to open the door. I moved to follow him, but he stopped dead in the doorway, to the point that I almost bowled into the back of him.

"Grant? What are you doing?"

He didn't so much as turn around, so I made the executive decision to push myself past him, intending to move around to look Grant in the face. About halfway through the move, I stopped in my tracks, frozen probably identically to Grant as I came face to face with Skye, Fitz, and Simmons standing before us. Fitz and Simmons both looked at least a little surprised, but Skye was grinning like a maniac.

"I knew it!" she cried. "How long? At least for the past two months, right? Holy shit, for spies, you guys are bad at hiding a relationship."

I just blinked back at her, honestly not sure how to react. Grant recovered faster, possibly because he'd had a few extra moments to adjust to the shock, and he just draped one arm around my shoulders with a sigh.

"We're good at hiding the important stuff. And this is important, but it wasn't important to hide. We just wanted a few months of peace before announcing it to the peanut gallery."

"That's great," Fitz chimed in, looking between the two of us with a smile. "Congratulations."

"Yes, congratulations! Although I can't believe you were right, Skye!" Simmons continued, turning from us to look at Skye, who now had her hands on her hips and a proud grin on her face. "I really believed them when they said they were just friends."

"Well, point of order, we were just friends until more recently," I said, finally finding my voice again. Simmons turned her attention back to me as Skye raised an eyebrow.

"So? You never answered me, how long exactly? And hold on, who started it? You guys have been acting like idiots around each other since we got on the plane, so who-"

"Alright," Grant said, stepping forward and holding his hands up, the authoritative edge to his voice that I only heard when he was snapping into SO mode. "That's enough with the question and answer. We're dating, that's it. Now everybody get back to work, we have a lot to do before we land at our next stop."

Skye snorted. "Yeah, like making out in closets."

"Unless, of course," Grant continued, talking loudly over Skye's muttering, "you want me to add pushups to your routine tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after."

Skye narrowed her eyes at him, then huffed.

"No."

"Good. Then let's go, all three of you. Get moving."

"You can't make us do pushups," Fitz chimed in. "We're not Ops."

"You don't have to be Ops for me to make you do pushups. Trust me, you don't want to try it."

All three of them grumbled, but after a moment of standing their ground, FitzSimmons decided to join Skye in moving on before any threats of pushups could be enforced. Once they were gone, Grant turned back to me.

"Well, that's handled for now at least. But I doubt that's gonna be the last time we hear about this from the three of them."

"Oh, we're going to be living this down for the rest of our lives. But that's okay," I said, smiling as I stepped closer to Grant again, taking his hand in mine and leaning into his side. "It was worth it."

"Yeah. It was."

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen @misshale21

Marvel Taglist: @valkyriepirate @infinetlyforgotten @sagesmelts @gaychaosgremlin

[thecarrionwitch]

Alright so I'm back to ask something.

For context, I have multiple 'siblings'. I told you guys about the eldest one and my issues with him but maybe a few days ago I was told that the one who spent years sexually abusing me and hurting me until like 2021 got a girl pregnant...

Of course it should be clear why I'm upset. Got a girl pregnant for...what? So you can keep hurting kids when no one is looking? And when those kids grow up knowing they've been used you gaslight them? Ugh. That's exactly what he did to me.

He doesn't live in this household with me thank the gods so I feel like that's already one green light. I can affect him almost as much as I want. I've thought about it, especially since I was his first victim ...(I'm assuming first since everyone else thinks so highly of him.) And I've been losing my mind ever since I became conscious of the fact that he used me in ways he never should have. Now that y'all got that.

The energy in my house has been building and I need to release it before it drowns me. I pick up on energy so well that I know there's a lot I could use for this spell.

I'm going to work on it but for the dark and green witches that practice baneful work what are some herbs you LOVE using? What are herbs you'd use for sexual abusers and assaulters? Ones that could possibly cause erectile dysfunction or mis carries. I know that in. The case that no one has ever dealt with this that one may think this is a loaded question.

I was sexually abused by this man since I was elementary school only for it to stop somewhere between middle and early highschool and then after that he played innocent until I called him out in he punched and hit me and broke my lip. I'm still suffering the effects, mentally having my moments of leaving my body on airplane mode because I can hardly enjoy the fact that I live within it because of what he's done to me.

He is guilty is what I'm saying and I worry for his girlfriend. I don't want her to have this child and carry on generational trauma that my family already refuses to heal. Then if the child is born and grows up horribly who will be to blame? IDC how any of you feel on this situation if you yourself have never been assaulted especially by a 'family member'. This also isn't your case, your life, so if you don't agree with this that's fine. Move on, I'm not talking to you and never stated I was.

What I do care about is what I can do before this baby gets here whether it be talking to the spirit of the child before it's born or something a lot darker but for the sake of them because that would be better than allowing another innocent person to grow up abused or be trained into becoming an abuser to hurt others...

I believe that children are born into harmful households all the time. I don't want that for this child. For ANY child. So please, help me witches.

We are supposed to use our powers to help those who do and who will need it, I'm ready to use mine especially because I had been scared of them before and I refuse to keep being scared.

Not again.

Comment the herbs below and I'll read through everything.

Herbs that cause These specific problems are preferred:

depression

Erectile dysfunction (or not being able to use your 'thing')

Anxiety and paranoia/guilt

Continues pain and suffering

And anything of the like.

[aphrodisiac-siren]

Slytherin Aemond x Reader ~Hogwarts AU

Aemond being a book nerd. Wuthering Heights references.

Part 4

"Oh my gosh, I think I'm going to scream" Alys excitedly jumped on her bed, giggling like a maniac to which you reacted by rolling your eyes.

"Shut up will you" you threw a pillow at her from your bed that was right next to her's "Aemond does not fancy me"

"Right, he just called you beautiful because he hates you then?" she put her hands on her hips, looking at you like how your mother did when she was giving you a good scolding.

"No, I know he does not- he can’t" you sighed as you flopped down onto your back "I used to date his cousin"

"Please, Aemond has had his eye on you way before Draco did" Alys scoffed, joining you on your bed. You suddenly sat up, giving her a look that made it evident you did not believe a word she was saying "Merlin's beard, Y/N, you can’t be that blind. I have caught that boy ogling at you since first year"

"Had a few drinks now, did you?" you joked and this time it was her who tossed a pillow at you.

"Y/N, look, Aemond is a nice lad and I know you don’t think so because of his popularity in the school but all I'm saying is give it a chance" Alys reached out to take your hand in hers "you've been so broken ever since Draco but we both know that he already had a lot on his plate for him to be able to manage a relationship with you. Don’t wait for someone who you know isn’t coming back"

It was true. Your break-up with Draco was really hard and it didn’t help when later he revealed to you that his reason for leaving you was because he was forced into joining the death eaters. He didn’t want to leave you, but he knew he would be dragging you into a dark mess if he didn’t. At the battle of Hogwarts, even though Draco at first did join them, he turned right around and fought alongside the students. After the battle had been won, you thought that maybe you both might be able to work things out but Draco was too emotionally scarred to even think about a relationship.

You of course respected his decision, but deep down you were still hopeful he might come back to you. Eventually, as the years went by, your hopes began to whither away little by little and you found it safe to say that you had moved on; still, there was a part of you that missed whatever you both had. Maybe not him anymore, but the memories? You held those very close to your heart, it was nice while it lasted.

"Give my ex boyfriend’s cousin a chance, yes that does not sound weird at all" you rolled your eyes "besides, I- I don’t even like him in that way"

"Oh piss off, you've got his entire training schedule memorised and he's the only one you look at, at those bloody matches" Alys scoffed, reminding you of your knowledge of when the quidditch team practised. You opened your mouth to protest but she beat you to it "look I know you have this subconscious attraction and I know the only reason you are in denial is because he is your ex boyfriend’s cousin but Draco isn’t even in the picture anymore. At the very least try and get to know him a bit better"

"Fine" you huffed a sigh. You had to agree she did make a point about having to fully move on from your ex. And yes, you did of course find Aemond attractive and only refrained from letting your relationship with him grow because of your history with Malfoy. Given it was your last year at Hogwarts, you'd allow yourself to open up a bit.

"And on the off chance that he does hurt you" Alys's tone went from sympathetic to serious "I'm familiar with all of the unforgivable curses. I do not mind going to Azkaban for your sake"

You threw your head back and laughed, Alys doing the same.

You walked into charms class, sitting on an empty desk that was three desks ahead from where Aemond sat along with one of the lads from the team. As you placed you bag beside you, you noticed that Alys kept walking until she was right by Aemond's side.

"Aemond do you mind switching seats?" she asked, with a scorn "every other seat has been taken and I cannot spend another moment with her"

Aemond looked puzzled. Alys was your best friend, why was she telling him that all of a sudden she didn’t want to be around you?

When you agreed that you would try to get to know Aemond, you meant with a more natural approach, letting things occur on their own accord; not with Alys butting in and actually pushing you both together as if you and he were dolls in her doll house.

Aemond stood up, grabbing his bag before he silently walked over to sit next to you.

"Is everything alright?" he asked softly, leaning in a bit so that you might hear him clearly "you and Alys aren’t talking?"

"Apparently not" you looked over your shoulder to throw her a look that screamed 'what the fuck are you doing' but she only winked. You rolled your eyes before turning to the front again "don’t bother, we'll sort this out before the day ends like how we always do"

Aemond simply hummed in response, not asking any more questions since he didn’t want to come across as nosy.

"Alright students" the professor's authoritative voice drowned the classroom chatter as she stood at her front desk, arms crossed "today we're going to brush on some basics. Last class, I instructed you to bring along a novel of your choosing. I want each of you to place that book on your desk and then I want you to use the spell imagio proiecturas to project a moving image of any excerpt from the book. You may begin"

You reached into your bag to fish out the book you'd picked. You scrunched your face in confusion as you rummaged through your things, still unable to find the book amidst your other things.

"Fuck, I think I forgot to put it in my bag" you muttered, still trying to push around your other book, checking again.

"Let's just use mine?" Aemond asked as he placed the novel he'd picked on the desk; Wuthering Heights "I'm assuming you've read it?"

"I have yes, nice choice; didn’t take you for a lad who'd be found reading this" you grinned, running your finger along the spine of the book to trace the letters that spelt out the title of the book "you strike me as a sort of boy who'd be more interested in Stephen King"

"Oh I do enjoy a bit of horror, I'm currently reading 'The Exorcist' by William Peter Blatty," he told you, offering a smile that was barely even visible "but I do enjoy other genres as well. You shouldn’t be too quick to judge Y/N"

"Right" you breathed a sigh "shall we?"

You tried first, pointing your wand a few inches away from the book. You concentrated on which part of the story you wanted to see getting projected. It was when Heathcliff returns to meet Catherine. You pictured them in your mind, wearing finer clothes that were a bit outdated in comparison to present times.

"Imagio proiecturas"

Nothing.

"Imagio proiecturas" you tried again, irritably.

A few hazy whisps of green arose from the book and then vanished into nothing without showing you even a glimpse of the image you had in your head.

You huffed in annoyance and Aemond chuckled.

"Finding this funny, are we?" you snapped and Aemond immediately cleared his throat to stifle his laughter.

"No, of course not" he smugly said before he placed his hand on yours to lower your wand. He leaned in again slightly, his voice sounding so gentle and soothing "here, allow me"

"imagio proiecturas"

Similar whisps of green arose from the book but this time instead of disappearing, they swirled around each other to form a moving projection of an excerpt that Aemond had picked. It projected how Aemond mentally pictured that scene would be; the part of the story where Catherine confesses her love for Heathcliff.

"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same"

And then the image fades off into nothing.

Aemond looks at you gingerly, trying not to seem too proud of himself when he managed to execute the spell perfectly.

"You don’t think of the scene first and then try the spell" he gave you some critique "you have to say the spell whilst imagining the scenario simultaneously"

"I did not take you for a romantic" you smirked, ignoring his advice and instead commenting on the excerpt he'd chosen "next you'll tell me you’re a fan of Shakespeare as well"

"I have read a few of his plays, yes" he said in his monotonous voice, looking at you with an expression that was hard to decipher "I can be rather romantic you know, but it's a part of myself I keep hidden-"

"Aemond and Y/N?" the teacher sharply called out "quit chatting and get back to the work assigned"

"Why?" you curiously asked with regard to his earlier statement in a hushed tone once the professor turned away from you both, placing your wand beside his novel and completely forgetting about the class.

"Haven’t really got anyone that needs to be impressed now do I?" he said with a subtle shrug "don’t have much luck at these sort of things"

"Half the school is mad for you" you reminded "what do you mean you don’t have luck-"

"Aemond and Y/N!" the teacher called out once again, voice more stern than the last time "five points from Slytherin. Back to work please"

"Allow me to rephrase that. I don’t have much luck when it comes to winning the girl I've got my sights on" he said, pressing his lips into a line.

"Who-"

"I don’t think you are going to be quizzed on this in your charms exam" he cleared his throat, changing the topic quickly "try that spell again, will you? We've already lost ourselves some house points"

You were curious, no doubt. If you were truly considering giving Aemond a shot, it would be useless if he fancied someone else. You wanted to slap yourself when you felt a tinge of disappointment at the thought. Shut up, you scolded yourself, you both aren’t even that close for you to get upset.

You picked up your wand once again, aiming it at the book.

"N-no, not so close" his large hand came to wrap around your comparatively smaller one that held the wand. He moved your hand a little further away from the book, speaking directly into your ear that sent up an involuntary shiver "say the spell and think of the image you want to be projected"

"imagio proiecturas"

This time, the green whisps fused together to slowly form an image that eventually began to move, as if it were a movie cassette playing. You were trying really hard to keep that image afloat that you weren’t even looking at it, your entire attention was on your wand, the hand that held the wand, his hand still holding yours as the green ribbons shooting out of the wand glowed.

You heard a soft chuckle from Aemond and glanced his way with a quizzical look, brow raised.

"I didn’t know you imagined us as the characters when you read this"

Your head immediately snapped to the front to see the particular part of the book being projected. And even though they were saying the dialogue that was written in the book, the people saying it weren’t Catherine and Heathcliff. You had been so focused on his hand around yours that when the mental images from your mind were projected, it showed you and Aemond exchanging the dialogue, his hand holding yours in a similar fashion to how he was doing currently in real life.

You immediately lowered your wand, the projection vanishing, leaving you with slightly flushed cheeks.

Even Aemond felt a bit abashed but he did a better job at concealing it.

"Well, at least you um" he tried to compliment you, so that you might not feel embarrassed "at least you got the spell right, yea?"

"Mhm" was all you managed to say in acknowledgment while your heart violently hammered in your chest.

Taglist: @greenowlfactif

[fatuismooches]

I've hopped on major angst train, which is sad, but someone has to make yall sad after tooth-rotting fluff, hehe hehe, but I saw HC of some harbingers reacting to their s/o being executed by Raiden and it gave me an idea

Basically, imagine Harbingers causing their s/o's near death experience with their actions

Such as: Childe's s/o almost dying when Osial attacked Liyue. Look, he was sure you're in safety, but in reality? You're too much of a kind soul, so you were helping people to save themselves, while also putting yourself in danger. Maybe you almost drowned from Osial's attacks or got caught in crossfire, either way you almost died

Scara's s/o being targeted by Fatui after Scara himself ran away with Gnosis. No matter how hard he tries to hide then away, Fatui never forget and forgive traitors. They won't calm down until they get both of you. You might be strong, maybe even a vision holder, but it's not enough...

Or his s/o being a Harbinger and the one who dies in Tenshukakku. Imagine him interrupting your duel with Traveler and escaping together. Scara curses you for being an idiot, but he's actually so so happy he made it in time.

Or... If he was a few seconds late and arrived to witness your death. I imagine that after he erased himself from Irminsul and regained his memories, the first thing Scara did - checked what happened to you, but reader is still dead

WTF ANON I'M IN TEARS 😭😭 Childe would be the most hurt definitely. He was reluctant to awaken Osial in the first place because getting regular people involved wasn't his style. So when he sees you hurt because of his actions he can't help but feel terrible. After helping you recover with the best of doctors he may even try to leave you. Not because he doesn't love you but because he genuinely can't bear to see you hurt, especially because of his line of work. He can't quit the Fatui, but he can still protect you... just in the shadows this time :(

Well for Scara... man that'd be scary lol. To be on the run for that long. He hopes that when he becomes a God, the Fatui will no longer be able to threaten you since one does not dare to challenge a God. But you get hurt anyway :( And he's absolutely enraged of course and wishes he could leave the robot to kill the person himself. But this just encourages him to hurry up and ascend to godhood already. Though when that fails he can't help but feel a bit helpless. Since now you are the one taking care of him, but at least Nahida has taken you under her protection as well. After he erases himself from Irminsul though, hopefully things change and the Fatui are no longer after you, since he no longer exists. And that is a price he is willing to pay for your safety.

Oh boy. He'd tell you to not go near the Raiden Shogun under any circumstances but you were dragged into it anyway. When he can't find you at the agreed meeting place he instantly knows where you've gone and for once he feels panic. This Raiden Shogun was not Ei, she has no mercy. But he has no problem confronting her anyway. Seeing the Traveler's shocked but irritated expression was also a treat. I wonder if the Raiden Shogun (puppet) would recognize him? I'm not sure if it was stated in-game. (Can't believe it's been 2 years since Inazuma 😭)

Scara would wonder if the Gnosis was really worth your death (it wasn't he finds out very quickly) + despise his creator so much more than he already did. He can only hope that he'll meet you again one day, and that you'd forgive him for his idiocy.

Can't wait to add Arlecchino to this list😧🧍‍♀️Focalors doesn't seem like the Archon to play around tbh😭 I've been really thinking about why the Oceanids don't like her...

[realmadridfamily]

I don't think it will affect his career because he has a name, respect, achievements and I don't think an injury like this can hurt his place and status.

Mishel Gerzig's dream wedding seems to be a distant memory. Also because her husband Thibaut Courtois suffered a serious injury during training. Now she talks about the moments when she received this news. Mishel Gerzig married Real Madrid goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois about two months ago at a classic Disney princess wedding - in a dream location in the south of France by the sea, in fairytale princess dresses and at an after party with Martin Gerkis, one of the best DJs in the world. However, soon after (after their honeymoon in Bora Bora), Courtois suffered an injury while training with his team, which resulted in a lengthy rehabilitation process and put the career of one of the world's best players in jeopardy. Michel Gerzig or Michel Courtois? Mishel Gerzig - Courtois. It's very exciting when someone says that. We met two months before the wedding and you didn't agree to reveal anything to me. Here we are two months later, so tell me a little, how was it? How quickly that time has flown by! It was amazing, it was crazy. I am grateful to everyone who wanted to come and take part in it. We had a dream day, everything was just perfect, I have no words. Everything was perfect. Did you ever think you'd have a wedding like this? Did a girl from Eilat dream of such a wedding? The truth is, no. Eilat girl always thought she would have her wedding at Dolphin Reef in Eilat, no shoes. But you know, my husband is European. We tried to find a happy medium and decided to do it in Europe so that everyone would come and find a place where we connected. We did such a mix of fully European and Israeli stuff and something crazy came out. There was also the issue of phones that you refused to bring into the complex. I see that everything is going smoothly with the Europeans, but how did they react on the Israeli side? Everyone was understanding and amazing. It was fun to wake up in the morning and see that there is nothing on social media. I'm not just talking about our guests, but also about everyone who was there - the waiters and everyone who organized everything respected our request. Then at the after party we felt the need to let go and we said to everyone : "Come on, get your phones out!" Tibo has recently gone through a very difficult period when he injured his leg. How did he inform you? I was at home and he was training and suddenly I got a message from him that he thought something bad had happened. I was really stressed out at this point. I took the car and drove to the training complex, but at that moment I didn't realize how serious it was. When I got there and he was having his scans, I realized it was cruciate ligaments and that means surgery and a long rehabilitation, but of course I'm with him and supporting him until he comes back stronger! Did you understand at that point that it would be a long process? No, all I could think about was that it hurts him now, and that's what stressed me out the most. I didn't think about what would happen next. I wonder, you're a young couple who just got married and you're busy with your honeymoon and butterflies and all of a sudden this happens. How are you dealing with all this? How did the news that your partner was injured affect you? Could this affect his career? I don't think it will affect his career because he has a name, respect, achievements and I don't think an injury like this can hurt his place and status. Besides, I believe in him that he will come back even stronger. And it's true that it happened in the period after the wedding, on the one hand it sucks, but on the other hand you have to look at the glass as half full. We have more family time together, he is more at home. We like it very much. There was no "maybe it's the end of my career" talk? There is no such conversation, absolutely not.

[league-of-sam]

As Grim as the Reaper | Simon 'GHOST' Riley PREQUEL

Ghost x Reader, Graves x Reader

CHAPTER THREE

Phillip Graves x AFAB!Reader!OC 18+ MINORS DNI! t.w // angst, mental health, language, violence, death, sexual themes/SMUT, military inaccuracies, language inaccuracies (google translate).

As Grim as the Reaper: Masterlist

"You got everything you need, little bug?"

Shoving your last duffel bag stuffed to the brim with clothes into the back of the truck, you wiped the little dribble of sweat from your brow.

"Yeah, think so." you breathed.

Today was the day that you were moving.

Moving away from your family.

Away from your home.

Away from the SAS.

But it was for something new.

Today was the day, that after countless meetings and arguments and paperwork, you'd be transferring to the US Special Operations Unit, and moving to the United States for the foreseeable future.

"I'm so proud of you, you know." John said, taking your shoulders in his hands. "My little sister, off to see the world and fight like the hero I know she is."

You smiled, trying to hide the tears welling in your eyes, "Stop, John. You're gonna make me cry again."

"You're gonna be amazin', you know that right?"

"Course I am, I learned from the best after all, Captain."

He smiled, beaming down at you, "Damn right, ya did."

Once more, he pulled you close, hugging you tightly as if it'd be the last time he'd do it. But you were aware as much as he was that it would be a long time before you'd see each other again.

"Remember," he whispered. "We get dirty-"

"-and the world stays clean." you spoke back, a proud smile on your face. "I know."

He led you back into the building with a tight arm around your shoulder, turning slightly to click the car lock before shoving you through the door playfully, the two of you laughing as you moved down the corridor.

Waiting for you in the conference room with a screen set up was Kate Laswell, CIA Special Ops Chief handler.

She had been trying for the last four years to recruit you oversees, especially when your skill and antics with John in basic training caught wind, and soon everyone in the military was aware that unfortunately, there was a second Price, and she was just as good and as unorthodox as her idiot older brother.

After being injured in your last tour in Afghanistan with the British Army, you decided that now, you'd take her up on her offer, and transfer to the US branch of the SAS, the Special Ops unit.

She was overjoyed, of course, and a meeting with General Shepherd was set up as soon as humanly possible.

You hugged her as you greeted her, the woman becoming closer to you over the years she's checked in on you. You'd come to know her well, and honestly, it seemed like the only reason John finally gave in to this move was because he knew Kate would be responsible for you.

Taking a seat at the round table, John sat next to you, while Laswell opened the laptop to a waiting General.

"Kate? You read me?" His voice crackled on the stream.

"Loud and clear, General." She replied.

"Good." He nodded. "Hello again, Captain Price."

"General." John tipped his hat.

"And a pleasure to meet you, Sergeant Price." Shepherd greeted you.

"The pleasure is all mine, sir. Thank you for agreeing to this opportunity for me."

He waved you off with a chuckle, "As I understand it, we're the ones receiving the favour. I've read your file...you're incredibly skilled, Sergeant. I believe you'll fit in well with the team here."

"Thank you, sir."

You felt yourself blush at the praise. General Shepherd was one of the most esteemed men in the CIA, and to be complimented by him on your skill, well that was fucking awesome.

John nudged your shoulder with his, a grin of pride spread across his lips.

"However, you will still undergo training here. We have one of my best soldiers waiting for you, and you will begin training as soon as you're settled in. He will show you everything you need to know about being in Special Ops."

"Yes, sir. I can't wait to get started."

Shepherd nodded, and began to address Kate about an unrelated topic for a few moments, in which John took the opportunity to lean close and whisper.

"Don't get too in your head about Shepherd." He said, "He can be an absolute mard-arse, but don't take it personally."

"What, you don't like him?"

"Meh," John shrugged, "Worked with him on several occasions, he can just be...difficult. But ya gonna be fine, little bug. Just show him what ya got."

"Yeah."

It was Kate's turn to address you, then, pushing a small brown folder towards you. Picking it up, you flipped it open. Greeting you on the first page was a form to sign.

"Now this is just a basic consent form for your details to be shared within the team. Obviously, for reasons I'm sure we all know, we tend to keep your records as protected as possible, so we just need you to sign this to ensure you consent to your team knowing you."

You nodded, scrawling your signature on the black dotted line at the bottom of the page, before sliding the form back to her.

Next, was a profile page.

SAC Sergeant Alex Keller.

Age: 28.

Alias(es): Echo 3-1.

Specialisation(s): Close-quarter combat, knife combat, counter terrorism.

As you read over his file, you looked at the picture; sandy brown hair, blue eyes, moustache and beard groomed to perfection. Tattoos running down both arms.

Jesus, this man was gorgeous.

"Hey," You nudged John, "His moustache is almost better than yours."

"Fuck off is it-" He grumbled, rolling his eyes as he barely gave it a glance. "Ya such a cow, (Y/N)."

You couldn't help but laugh, hand over your mouth in an effort to preserve your professionalism.

"So, this'll be the guy training me?"

"Affirmative, sergeant. He is part of our Echo 3 team, the team you will temporarily join until we decide where you are best fit." Shepherd spoke.

"We are hoping to eventually form the secondary Echo team, Echo 6. With you being the first recruited for this project, you will be known as Echo 6-2, despite starting on the 3 team." Laswell said.

"Understood. Counter terrorism...there something going on?" You questioned.

"There always is." Shepherd answered. "Gotta be prepared for worst-case scenarios in this work, and our teams need you, Sergeant."

Both Laswell and Shepherd then continued to update the two of you on the current war on terror, the main enemies, problems, all general military things that you'd gotten used to hearing about in your years of service thus far.

"Now, the only thing left to address is your medical."

"Sir?" You said, eyebrows furrowed."

"Don't worry, you passed. But my medic team here are still feeling some concern over the injuries you sustained in your last deployment in Afghanistan."

"Oh."

"She's alright, General." John defended you.

"Are you, (Y/N)?"

You thought for a moment. Sure, the scar was still fresh on your torso, sometimes it hurt to lift heavier things than it usually did, sometimes it burned as you relived the memory. But taking the job with Special Ops was supposed to help you move on, not hold you back.

"I am, sir. I've been working hard here and I feel I'm in a place where I can move on from this. The injury will not hold me back, and I've recovered well."

"Good. That's exactly the answer I was hoping for. Welcome to the United States Special Operations Unit, Sergeant Price. I'll be there to formally greet you on your arrival."

With that, General Shepherd signed off, and the room settled into silence.

"Well, shit." You laughed.

Laswell joined you, pulling you to stand and wrapping her arms around you tightly, "I'm so proud of you, honey. You're going to be incredible."

"Thanks, ma."

You pulled away, locking eyes with John over Laswell's shoulder. She moved away to pack her things, allowing him to step into her place, wrapping his arms around you.

It didn't take long for you to bid goodbyes to the others around the base that you'd gotten to know well, albeit a few tears were shed. You were leaving behind the only family you had, after all.

"Gonna miss you." You mumbled into John's chest.

"I'll miss ya too, little bug. But don't worry, I'll call ya every chance I can, and Laswell's already given me your new address so I can send ya stuff."

"You don't have to do that-"

"Oh shut up before I change my mind."

You smiled sadly, squeezing him once more, "Thanks, John. Keep rockin' that bucket hat for me, yeah?"

With one last hug, he let you go, pushing you towards Kate.

You trudged over the car park, few solemn tears slipping from your eyes as you got closer and closer to your new life.

"I'll see you on the other side, Captain." You whispered, before turning and stepping into Kate's awaiting vehicle.

A whistle stopped you in your tracks, and as you turned back to face your brother, you let out a sob. Looking back at you was John, middle finger in the air.

I love you.

You smiled, returning the gesture, before climbing into the car, and watching as the figure of him got smaller and smaller as you drove away.

Missing John was going to damn-near kill you, but the anxious excitement that bubbled within you was increasing as you got closer to your new adventure. You couldn't help but feel like your life was about to change forever.

And hopefully, that was a good thing.

[izzy-b-hands]

"Here," Frenchie hands over a needle and fabric. "It's for you anyway."

"What is it?" Ed frowns, but he takes the offered objects. "This can't be a shirt, or...not quilted trousers."

"It's just a regular quilt," Frenchie says. "You were shivering last night."

No mention of how Ed hadn't asked him to keep sleeping in the captains quarters with him, on a precarious cot, but he had anyway.

Ed seemed to sleep more then. Not better, with the amount of tossing and turning and nightmares that woke them both. But more, at least.

"Oh," Ed stares at the fabric. "Have you been collecting scraps for this all this time?"

Frenchie nods. "Anything I thought you might like."

He pulls the rest of the square cut scraps from the small chest he'd stolen to use for storage. "Take a look."

He tries to keep his eyes on the current square, but he sneaks glances at Ed.

The first square is soft cotton, light purple and cut from a baby blanket he'd found on an abandoned ship they looted. Thankfully there was no baby, and he chose to believe everyone had gotten away safely, baby in arms.

Ed sets it down, but a finger lingers on it for a second.

The second he pulls out of the stack is a deep plum silk, not unlike the clothing of Stede's that he'd borrowed for the party. That one gets set on Ed's knee, like he can't bear to let it touch the floor.

"Should I add that one next?" Frenchie asks, and holds a hand out for the silk. "Give me the cotton with it. That'll help hold it a bit better, keep the silk from-"

"Because it's delicate," Ed interrupts. "Don't want to ruin it, right?"

Frenchie nods.

Ed hands over both squares. "What about filling?"

"More fabric," Frenchie reveals a handful of too small scraps sewn together. "And the goat has volunteered some hair for the cause. All washed, I promise. Besides, Roach and Wee John trained her into wanting at least a brushing a day, so she's pretty damn clean. For a goat."

Ed smiles, and resumes his search through the scrap squares.

"Where on earth did you find this?" Ed chuckles, and holds up an ornately embroidered square of black velvet.

"You remember that port we had to dress up for," Frenchie replies. "Because there were a good number of non pirate folks around?"

"Easier to do that than to deal with the looks sometimes," Ed says. "You didn't buy this, I hope? Not with what they were charging at those shops."

"Fuck no," Frenchie snorts, working away gently with the silk and cotton. "I snuck up behind some guy and cut it off his coat."

There's a pause, then Ed's head drops into his hands, the velvet square dropped to his knee.

"Ah," Frenchie tries to hide the fear in his voice. "If you'd rather I not do that again, then I absolutely will not."

Ed's shoulders shake, and he lifts his head with tears streaming down his face.

Laughing. Thank fuck, he's laughing.

"That's fucking awesome," Ed laughs, wiping away the tears. "Can I help with the next one, if you find someone wearing something I'd like?"

Frenchie smiles and turns the sigh of relief into a giggle. "Of course! I had to light a guy on fire to distract them for that one, and fun as it was, would be nice to have someone else do the distracting."

Ed's eyes light up. "Fuckeries. Costumes. Wait, you were the one who set that guy on fire?"

Frenchie shrugs embarrassedly. "Yeah, that was me."

"I love it," Ed grins. "Okay, what can I put with this velvet then? I want to see if I can't do one of these. I'd better be able to, my mum tried to teach me quilting whenever she made a new one."

"Can't disappoint Mum," Frenchie agrees. "There's a blue and silver bit of silk near your foot, maybe that one?"

He moves the selection of threads between them, and keeps an eye on Ed as he works.

The quilt won't be done for a bit, though faster now that they're both working on it.

Maybe Ed will sleep better in the coming days, even without it.

[realisationanddoubt]

Unleashing repression

I've been putting this off for a little while but apparently I'm mentally healthy enough that I can't repress things as well as I used to. A palpable irony to that. It means that current circumstances have actually affected me far more than I would expect.

It's always exacerbated by relationship issues. That's always the way isn't it. It was supposed to be casual. That's always the way too, huh? We agreed. I checked in so many times and you always agreed it should be casual. You were lying though. I suppose I knew it too. Things were always a little tense. You'd fly off the handle when I spoke to basically anyone but you. You were possessive over me before you ever had a right to be. Yet I pursued. Because I was lonely. Because I enjoyed the physical affection.

It was stupid of me. Of both of us. Everyone I've spoken to about it says it's not my fault. I was clear. I constantly communicated. Yet I saw the red flags and ignored them. You certainly think it's my fault. That I used you. When you seemed ready to actually date I asked you if you wanted to date me and you shot me down.

I don't know where I stand here. It reminds me of my relationship with Nichola in a way but I don't know if I'm over adjusting. You've said some things that have really hurt me. If I choose to discard that as just mean things am I being overly sensitive? Am I being self-centred, only thinking about myself?

It's so easy for me to believe I'm at fault. Therapy hasn't been able to fully take that away. I'm better than I was though. Better at rationalising, at examining. So let's examine.

I'm struggling to think it through properly. It's as if I've put up an emergency wall. Fenced it all in to avoid it. I suppose the first step is to figure out why. I know why the fence is there of course. It's because my self-esteem is too fragile. If I pick at this scab and find that I'm in the wrong it feels like it will confirm everything my past traumas said to me.

I'm not wrong though, am I. Keep going, don't let this train of thought escape you. I make stupid decisions sometimes, everyone does. You're insecurities weren't mine to control though. I saw what I thought to be red flags but it would be arrogant of me to assume it was my duty to control your feelings. I'm not responsible for how you feel just as you aren't for me. No one can control another person to that extent. I know this. I've tried. Far too many times with far too many people. Tried to keep them happy at all cost. Tried to make myself so small, so convenient in a bid to make others lives easier. I didn't this time. To begin with at least. I definitely did towards the end. I faltered. It happens.

It wasn't casual because I only wanted sex. It was casual because you were already with someone. Unhappily of course. Someone you'd told many times you didn't love, told him you were only together for the kids. I couldn't invest in that though. Not again. I couldn't tie myself to someone who would possibly never leave their life for me. I've played that game a million times. After you did leave him I did try to pursue you but then it was too late. Honestly, us being together in any form would have undoubtably been devastating to my mental health. I was more than willing to let you break me down all over again

You did I suppose. I didn't want to get angry or upset with you. I couldn't. Every time we saw one another it was an insight into what I did wrong. That's how it always is I suppose. Never a flurry, just a constant trickle that erodes.

It's almost like the old me vs the new me. The habits of giving in, relenting, trying to change for someone every time they bring up issues is ingrained deeply in me. But I am someone else now too. There's that part of me that can stand up. Tell myself I deserve better than that.

It sets about a sort of crisis. Trying to not people-please. Trying to live up to expectations. The reality is though, you wanted me to be someone I'm not. You wanted me to not display any traits of mental health issues. Not allowed to be depressed because it made you not feel wanted. Not allowed to forget or be impulsive ala ADHD because it made you feel like you didn't know where I stood.

I think that's the crux of it. We could never understand one another. To you anything I did was with malice. You said I only supported you to fuck you despite the fact we were friends for almost 5 years prior to anything happening. Despite the fact it was just a drunken night that we agreed to keep on a casual basis.

I am not broken, cruel, malicious as you often imply. I'm just different. I just think differently. Any time I meet someone with those neurodiverse traits they understand instantly. Hell, even most people who are neurotypical seem to understand my intentions.

I've discussed this with friends but never with myself. I defaulted back to my old crutches. External validation. It's taken me a long time to get any kind of internal validation and it's ok that I struggled to apply validation to myself. This is the first scenario post therapy that has challenged these issues.

I went through this with my mother. With Nichola. Now with you. This insistent that I am wholly responsible for their mood. That it is me that needs to fix it. That I need to tend to all your needs and emotions, I need to make you feel secure, I need to be the one to do it all.

I don't though. Not anymore. It took some time to get here but less than the last two times. I'm getting better. There is nothing to even forgive myself for. I would be mortified at the idea of trying to make someone solely responsible for my emotions and self-worth now. I've been there too.

I continue to improve on myself. I don't yet have that confidence to know when I'm in the right. Or perhaps it would be arrogance to be that sure of myself. I don't even know. But I'm doing better than yesterday. That is all that I can ask of myself.

I tried really hard to consider every point you brought up. Nothing I did was good enough. You always acted as if I wasn't good enough. Talking to you makes me feel like a shitty person. I'm not though. I'm just not. That shouldn't be so hard for me to type.

I persist. Despite mental health issues, despite relationship issues, despite everything I will continue to persist. I matter. I matter to me. I'm worth more than this.

[agirldying]

hello! hope you're doing alright. just a quick vent

i do this annoying thing were i defend questionable behavior that i 95% of the time know i wouldn't partake in because there's this little voice in my head that's like "but imagine if under other circumstances you did this?"

and it's so dumb because i want to take accountability when i'm doing something bad and move on but i'm so afraid of somehow being in the criticized crowd that i defend the people in it for a sec before i cam reason with my own self and be like "yo wtf i wouldn't do that and i agree that it is wrong"

i don't like that i'm so susceptible to criticism when ideally i would want to learn humbly

also regarding similar matters: sometimes i get educated on something or prejudice that i sometimes had and sometimes haven't and when i'm encountering people who have said prejudice i get mad at them because their ideas are harmful (not attacking them i don't interact). but then i stare back at myself like hello this could have been you, you're lucky someone told you about it before you acted like it

for example for things like using words like "psychotic" to describe violent behavior etc. i genuinely get upset when people misuse it because parts of my aches at the prejudice that people with psychosis experience. but then i look back at it and i'm like "there's so many outcomes in which you could have not known that and been this person and you could have been just as awful and perpetuated stereotypes". and then i wonder "how many similar things are you being an asshole about just because someone didn't give you a cheat sheet with what's bad to assume/say/think?"

i'm honestly quite ashamed of my lack of critical thinking because i stumble upon a lot of things were i'm like "oh i didn't even know/think about this being an obvious problem" (for example individual's waste being very low when compared to the amount companies waste or idk the whole goncharov thing and tagging posts with unreality)

Hey anon,

In retrospect I made this more about me than I meant to but I hope you can understand that I'm trying to relate to you and it's a bit late atm.

Honestly I know what you mean, especially about being a contrarian even if you don't even believe what you're defending. I used to defend Ben Shapiro by saying he wasn't completely wrong. I do try to see the nuance in things in an attempt to humanize people I am made to antagonize. I like the idea of unity over polarization, but at the same time I also need to recognize when someone is just bad and not going to change, so not worth my sympathy or defense. Basically I build bridges where they've been mutually burned just because I want everyone to hold hands, so to speak.

What you said also reminded me of my boyfriend. We began to discuss politics and civil rights issues and I quickly realized that he almost has a compulsion to disagree with me, even if he actually does.

Personally I have a hard time leaving ignorant people be, because sometimes I see myself in their shoes and am like, what if I just gently handed you information instead of calling you a name and blocking you? Of course they're rarely receptive to any bubble-shattering information, but I'm stubborn.

I think it can be hard to be mindful of what's potentially offensive unless someone tells you, you know? I didn't even know what the problem was with narcissistic abuse until I came to Tumblr, I think. I guess what I would say is like, just because you may have been in that position at one point doesn't necessarily mean you have to put up with it. Like, imagine yourself spouting something ignorant and other people ignore you instead of perhaps insulting you or otherwise adding insult to injury. Wouldn't it be best for them to just move past instead?

I kind of lost my train of thought, but I hope I could help and that some of this could resonate with you. Please feel free to follow up and comment if you'd like, otherwise I'm here if you need anything.