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nerdy-novelist017 · 4 months ago

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Ponytails and Promises (Benny Cross x Shy!Reader pt 5)

I'm sorry it's taken such a long time to get this posted ☹️ I've been dealing with a few health problems lately and it's made it hard to be creative. I'm not super proud of this but I hope you enjoy it regardless. As always, I'm so grateful for all of you wonderful readers! 🫶

Benny x Bunny Masterlist

Word Count- 3.1k+

Summary- Time spent apart has both Benny and yourself wondering what the other is thinking.

******

For the tenth time in a row, you rehearsed what you were going to say as you peddled your bicycle down the street, the morning sun shining through the trees above. You’d been up all night, a ball of nerves working its way through your tummy in preparation of today’s meeting. The diner was busy when you approached, cars and even a few motorcycles parked out front. You hopped off your bike, swallowing thickly as you propped it in the bicycle rack. You tried to spot his motorcycle but quickly scolded yourself for even remembering the particular design of his. Thankfully, you didn’t see it in the lineup. You smoothed out your ponytail and checked your romper for any signs of creasing that he might not like. Satisfied with your appearance, you pushed the front door open and scanned the inside.

He sat at a booth on the far side and you swallowed your nerves and did a quick assessment of him as you neared. He didn’t look to be physically injured and you breathed a sigh of relief. He looked up when you stood before him and flashed you a quick, fleeting smile. As he said your name and it almost sounded unfamiliar to you.

“Hi, Pete,” you smiled as you waited for him to stand to greet you.

He nodded, motioning for you to sit and you tried not to appear dispirited as you slid into the opposite booth. There was a Coca-Cola bottle in front of him and you noticed that he’d ordered you water. You had to remind yourself that he didn’t know you very well yet and that he probably didn’t recall you preferred coke too.

“You look very nice,” you said, attempting to cut through the awkwardness between you.

He nodded again, murmuring a thanks.

Okay, better to get straight to your rehearsed lines, you supposed. “Thank you for meetin’ with me. A–and I owe you an apology. Pete, I had no idea he was going to do that.”

“Who was he?” Pete asked directly, cutting your speech short.

You put your hands out of the table in front of you, playing with the straw wrapper as you spoke, “He’s just some guy, a biker–”

“Yeah, I got that. I mean how do you know him?”

“He . . . was somebody I met when I was out with Kathy. Met him at a picnic,” you explained carefully as your gaze searched Pete’s eyes behind his glasses. “Remember, the one I told you about?”

“She’s becoming a bit of a wild thing, huh?” he asked and you could sense that it wasn’t really a question. There was a blatant statement hanging in his tight voice.

“She’s always been like that, I think,” you replied, trying to smother the defensive tone in your voice. “And I was only there for a short time, but I guess he took a liking to me.”

Pete hummed, glanced out the window for a moment so you continued, “Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for what he did. You’re a really good person and you don’t deserve that.” You considered reaching across the table to touch his hand, but he leaned back in his seat before you could. “And. . . I was excited about our date.”

“Do your parents know about where you went? About him?” He seemed not to hear your last statement.

“No,” you admitted, brow furrowing. In fact, you haven’t told anyone about your date with Benny. Not even Kathy. You just came straight home and went up to bed where you laid awake for hours, mind reeling through every conversation the two of you shared, every word he spoke.

“They’d never approve of that,” he pointed out as he looked back at you.

“Well, they’re never going to find out because I don’t plan on seeing him again,” you stated, looking down at the condensation building on the outside of your untouched water glass.

“Good.” The corner of his mouth quirked up. “You don’t belong with a group like that, anyway.”

It was strange hearing that from Pete. It was the same affirmation you had told yourself over and over again last night, but hearing him tell you that, as if you didn’t have a choice in the matter, left a bad taste in your mouth. All you could say was, “Yeah. . .”

You wanted to ask exactly what Benny had said to him, but before you could, Pete leaned forward, seeming to be in better spirits and said, “Dolls like you belong on a shelf where they can be admired and not broken.”

His words, at face value, were sweet, kind, but you couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling that toyed in the back of your mind. Pete was the safe choice, you had to remind yourself. Pete was everything you had wanted for your future-husband, for your life. He wanted you to be exactly who you were raised to be. You could be a quiet doll whose whole existence was to sit on a shelf and look pretty.

You nodded, leaning forward to take a sip of your water as an excuse to not speak.

“I’m glad we worked through this,” he said as he waved down the waitress to order.

“Me too,” you said quietly as he ordered for you. And you meant it, you did. But something felt different with him now. There was a shift that seemed to occur and you weren’t sure what it was or if it would ever resolve. Pete didn’t seem to notice as he prattled on about his upcoming golf tournament, falling into a one-sided conversation that he was comfortable with.

As you absentmindedly picked at your plate of breakfast, you wondered —just briefly— if Benny was eating breakfast right now and if he was, what was on his plate?

When there was a lapse in silence, you looked up at Pete, suddenly asking, “Are you still planning on coming to the charity picnic with me today?”

His brows pinched together. “What charity picnic?”

“The one I told you about last week? It’s for the children of Chicago fund. Our church is hosting the cookout, remember?” You asked, specifically recalling having this conversation with him on your first date. But you gave him the benefit of the doubt; maybe he had been trying to process a lot of new information about you and this slipped his mind.

“Oh, right.” He adjusted the glasses on his nose. “I’ll have to check my schedule, make sure I don’t have anything else going on today.”

“Okay,” you nodded. He confirmed that he could go with you a week ago already. You slid out from the booth, grabbing your purse. “Well, I’ll maybe see you there then?”

He followed you, standing to his feet also. “Yeah.”

You made your way outside and he touched your arm before you could reach your bike. You were afraid that maybe he wanted to kiss you as he leaned forward but he only put his arms around you in a friendly hug instead.

“Bye, (Y/N),” he said as he broke free, turning and going back to his car.

“Goodbye, Pete.”

******

Benny lifted the glass to his lips, downing the rest of his drink. The scent of cigarette smoke and motor oil hung heavy in Cal’s garage where he, Johnny, Wahoo and Corky sat around as Cal worked on Corky’s bike. Benny’s eyes burned as he rubbed his face tiredly. He hadn’t slept well last night – worse than the few hours a night he usually got. His mind was too busy, filled with thoughts of you. Of the way your hair cascaded over your shoulder, of the way your dimples show when you smiled brightly. Of the way you looked so damn beautiful even when you were angry. And you were angry at him of all people which admittedly, he still didn't quite understand why. You were upset that he overstepped, sure. He got that. But when it came to a man like Pete? Benny could take one look at that man and see the strained facade he wore like a mask. Benny’s always been good at reading people, at seeing past the guise. And Pete was no good.

“What do you think, Benny?” someone had asked, drawing him back to reality.

“‘Bout what?” he asked, looking up at the faces around the garage.

“About the radiator hose,” Cal informed as he motioned to the stripped down bike and Benny honestly didn’t hear what was even wrong with it in the first place.

“Probably no good,” he replied with a shrug as he dug out his pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket.

As if Johnny sensed Benny’s more than usual reserve, he asked. “Hey, how’d the date go with Bunny last night?”

Benny glanced up at him. “Went good except I think she’s pissed at me.”

Cal laughed. “How could you consider that good then?”

Benny shot him a narrowed look. “We had a misunderstanding.”

“Are ya sure she’s mad?” Wahoo spoke up from the other side of the motorcycle. “When my old lady is horny, she just acts like she’s mad so I spank her and that really gets her going.”

Benny sighed. “No, she’s mad.”

“Why? What’d you do?” Johnny inquired.

Benny wanted to argue in his own defense but shrugged. “She’s upset that I had to run off her date.”

“She had a date?”

“Mh-hm, church-going fellow.” Benny lit his cigarette, taking a long drag of it before continuing, “Caught him before she knew he was there.”

“Did ya kill him or somethin’?” Corky’s eyes widened.

“Nah, just had a talk with him,” Benny clarified as he stood from his lawn chair, moving to look out the bay door. “He was late to their date anyway and . . . I just wanted to have a talk with him, see what kind of man he was. And I didn’t like what I saw.” He was one of those men who pretended to be something he’s not, who perfected the craft of lying to people – especially women. And Benny didn’t have any respect for liars.

“Okay, what’d you say to him then?” Johnny wondered.

“Just said ‘Are you willin’ to die for her?’ and he said yeah and then I asked if he was willin’ to kill for her because I was.” Benny recalled the twinge of fear in those eyes as he took a long drag of his cig. “And I think he got the message pretty loud and clear after that.”

Johnny and Cal shared a pointed look as a weighted silence followed Benny’s statement.

“Jesus, kid,” Wahoo murmured. “This girl’s really got you whipped.”

Benny really didn’t want to have this conversation with an audience. He came here in search of Johnny to seek out his advice, but now that he’d confessed to the group, he felt somewhat . . . smaller. He’d never been one to struggle with his confidence, to care what others thought of him. But the idea that you were upset with him, that maybe you didn’t want him anymore, that maybe he’d ruined his luck with you before he’d even had a taste, well, that just struck Benny deep in his chest. It made his fist clench tightly at his side, made his heart beat a little faster.

Suddenly, Johnny was beside him, hand clapping his shoulder in a friendly manner. “Well, if that’s what made ‘em run away, then it sounds like he was no good anyway.”

Benny remained silent, picturing the sight of you walking away from him last night, choosing to walk home in the dark rather than let him drive you back.

“So, she’s mad at you for that?”

Benny nodded.

Johnny shrugged. “Let me tell ya a little somethin’ about women; they may be the same species as us but they ain’t the same creature. They don’t think like you and I. When we see somethin’ that needs said or done, we just do it. But they’re more . . . compassionate, empathetic. She probably feels bad for that poor asshole. Probably just wants ya to apologize to him.”

Benny wanted to roll his eyes. He knew all of this. He wasn’t an idiot. “Well, I told her I wasn’t apologizing for it.”

Groaning sounded behind him and Benny clenched his jaw defensively. “I’m not. I can’t apologize for somethin’ I don’t feel sorry for. I don’t regret runnin’ him off and I'd do it again if I have to.” Though if he needed to do it again, he’d probably not openly tell you again.

“Then you’re goin’ to have to find another way to get back into her good graces, kid.” Johnny shook his head and Benny thought he saw a hint of a smile in his face as he turned away. "You'll think of somethin'."

******

You’d changed your clothes three times before you gave up and just decided to wear the same thing you’d worn to your breakfast date with Pete. Could it be classified as a date? You weren’t even sure where you stood with him now. He seemed to fall back into his usual demeanor, but that was always so closed-off anyway. But so was your father, you supposed. You could see that in the way he’d sit at the head of the table, face hidden behind his newspaper. It was obvious in the way your mother repeated herself over and over again in an attempt to be heard. It was apparent when he was absent during all your years of school accomplishments. That was the normal. It seemed unfair to expect Pete to be any different.

So you went downstairs, packed up your cake (one you had made special for the charity) in the cooler and hopped on your bicycle. The ride to the church wasn’t far but it gave you more time to consider Pete as you waved to neighbors you passed. Though you actively tried to avoid it, you mind drifted to thoughts of Benny. Was he the type of person to wave to neighbors? What kind of neighborhood did he even live in?

By the time you showed up to the church, the event was in full swing. You parked your bike in the rack and carried your cooler through the tents and booths set up, smiling at friends as you went. You found the pastor's wife who directed you to the bake sale booth where there were a couple other girls already setting up.

“What’ve you got there?” one of the older women asked as you approached, setting your cooler down on the table.

“A cake.” you grinned as you pulled out the cake, setting it on the display. You had gotten up extra early today to get started on the desert, knowing the congregation was counting on you to supply the design. The inspiration for the design – admittedly taken from a certain biker who you would not be thinking about anymore – was a a field of brightly colored flowers surrounding the base with a family of tiny bunnies to decorate the top. You were pretty proud of it and to hear the ooo’s and ahh’s of the ladies surrounding you boosted your confidence. They set out a donation jar in front of your display and people began to filter by your booth to admire the goods and to grab a free brownie made by one of the other girls at the table. As the event went on and the sun shifted overhead, you thanked the donors and smiled for pictures, all the while your eyes scanned the crowd, hoping to find Pete close by.

When there was a pause in the flow of foot traffic, you took the time to crouch below the table to replenish the paper plates when a deep, familiar voice broke through your concentration.

“Got anymore of your famous cookies?”

You looked up, gaze locking with the ocean blue eyes of none other than Benny Cross.

You gasped and stood up so quickly you nearly knocked your head on the corner of the table. He was staring unabashedly at you, even being so bold as to roam his eyes down your figure and you suddenly wished you had changed into something a little more formal. Ironic, you thought, considering Benny was anything but formal.

His gaze moved from you down to the cake on the table and his brows raised. “You make this, Little Bunny?”

You swallowed, ignoring the rush of butterflies at the nickname. “Mh-hm.”

He bent down to inspect it closer, hands pressing to his knees and you can’t look away. You couldn’t look away from the cerulean gaze beneath a wall of lashes. You couldn’t look away from the slope of his nose nor the quirk of his mouth as he hummed a sound that came deep in his throat. And no, you couldn’t look away as your gaze traveled down his signature denim jacket to the exposed tanned skin of his arms, the muscle tone enough to make your eyes widen. You certainly didn’t want to look away from his hands over his knee as a flash of heat filled your core at the thought of his hands encasing your own knee.

Benny’s eyes flashed back up to meet yours. “You’re incredible.”

You nearly melted at his words, face heating up and you had to break his intense eye contact.

He stood back to his full height. “If it tastes half as good as it looks, I think I might be in trouble.”

There he goes again with those damn double innuendos. You started to smile but then you remembered you were still mad at him, that you weren’t supposed to be happy to see him or to hear his flirty voice. “You already are in trouble, remember?”

“Oh, right.” Benny grinned sheepishly. “I still gotta do somethin’ about that, don’t I?”

You raised your brow at him as you crossed your arms trying to look more confident than you felt. “You don’t have to do anything, Benny. It’s a free country.”

He narrowed his eyes playfully. “But it’s what you want me to do, right? Apologize to ‘em?”

“No, he . . . wouldn’t like that,” you admitted, “I don’t think that’d be a very good idea to involve him anymore.”

Without missing a beat, he said, “Then I guess I’ll just have to win you over again.”

“Who said you won me over a first time?” You challenged, standing up a little straighter.

Benny just grinned, a shit-eating grin that you weren’t sure if you wanted to smack or kiss off his face. You watched as he retrieved his wallet from his back pocket. He slipped out a five dollar bill between two of his dexterous fingers and dropped it into your donations jar.

“See ya around, kid,” he said with a wink before turning and leaving you standing there wide-eyed and fighting a smile.

-Tag List-

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#idk if motorcycles have radiator hoses lol #austin butler #benny cross #benny x bunny #the bikeriders #benny cross x reader #austin butler x reader #benny x reader #imagine #austin butler fandom #austin bulter x you #the bikeriders fanfiction #johnny davis #tom hardy

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lueurjun · 4 months ago

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f1 driver!boyfriend heeseung.

request — if you are accepting requests i was thinking maybe something like formula one driver heeseung x reader where they travel to support him at his races all around the world, and also watching their boyfriend become world champion at the end of the season? thank you <3 !! 🎀

eek ! sorry this took so long. i have been in a deep writers block. but i hope you enjoy this lovely <3 this is long, my bad… i got carried away because i loved writing this. i had so much fun im not even kidding, i think i’m going to turn this into a written series for heeseung.

refer to this edit for the vibes—it has me in a chokehold and gave me the motivation for this.

rocking back and forth because ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

LEE HEESEUNG?? FORMULA ONE DRIVER?

SEDATE ME ! I NEED THIS

ahem anyways :)

heeseung’s career began at eight years old when his parents finally gave in and allowed him to start go karting.

f1 was his dream! he had posters in his room. miniature car figurines in a glass case that he didn’t let anybody touch. he sat for every race, knew every driver and owned so much merch that his mother had to hide her credit card

it’s giving maddy knew who she was from a young age- it’s giving obsession- it’s giving me with my enhypen obsession-

it was clear from the get go that this kid had some talent. he knew what he was doing and he knew how to do it better than anyone else

though he’s always been a little bit of a shit talker and ended up in several friendly feuds with other upcoming drivers.

lmao can you imagine 8 year old heeseung bickering with max verstappen?

as he grew older, he began competing in various competitions, and won the majority of them which opened up the doors to competing internationally

years later, he secures a position in F3 and gradually works his way up to F2. eventually, he makes it into F1 as one of the most promising drivers, under the guidance of red bull

now let’s introduce you

*louder than heeseung* hey 😘😉

you met Heeseung at one of his karting races when he was 15. instantly recognizing his potential, you had him sign your phone case, insisting that he was going to be famous one day and you wanted to sell it on ebay when he did.

absolute icon if you ask me

he thought you were being ridiculous, but he couldn't help but feel flattered by your confidence. after signing your phone case, he surprised you by asking for your number.

and who are you to pass up on the opportunity to keep in touch with a soon to be famous racer?

i can race faster than him just sayin ✋🙂‍↔️🤚 broom broom

the two of you remained in touch, and you attended as many races as possible to support him as a best friend. two years later, just as he secured a seat in F2, heeseung nervously asked you to be his partner.

which, of course, you were more than happy to.

now, onto present day: f1 driver heeseung with you, his beloved partner.

not you in your wag era-

i genuinely see you owning a tiktok account where you kinda just post daily grwms or vlogs which feature heeseung and your life travelling with him

and everybody eats it up because they get to see the human side of heeseung not just the aggressive driver that shit talks everything and everyone

yes i’m making him a sassy shit talker because i want to SUE ME

you kinda prove to his haters that he’s actually a huge nerd with the cutest personality, which garners him a lot more support

his team ADORES you for this

but it’s also really funny because why is the p2 winner, cocky red bull driver giving your followers a haul on all of his toy story merch?

his helmet is definitely custom designed as buzz lightyear and i find that absolutely adorable

he also has your initial on his helmet somewhere that everyone thinks is so sickeningly cute

he calls it his good luck charm

you receive some hate with jealous people accusing you of only wanting his money and fame

haters come outside i’m not gonna do anything. haha. i just wanna talk ( and set their hair on fire ) just a lil chit chat 😃

but for the most part, you are actually very much adored

if fans see you walking around, they call out for you to take pics with them

which you do, albeit with a little hesitance, as you’re not used to the spotlight and don’t quite understand why people idolise you.

ummmm because you’re perfect🫶 hope this helps

in this scenario, you’re a full time influencer which makes it easy for you to travel alongside him and attend all of his races

which is good because you couldn’t make his japan gp due to an issue and he damn near lost his mind

bro was STRESSING

i would be too if i had u and had to deal with a couple days without u 🫶

he made it everyone’s issue

his team were so tired of him that they sent you multiple texts begging for you to get on a flight

he was so sassy during his interviews and the viewers immediately knew it was because you weren’t there

‘bringy/nback’ trended with memes making fun of him for being a brat without you there

he finished really badly that weekend

bro relies on you fr

when you eventually returned at his side for his next race

he was back to his angelic self

you made him apologize to all the team

imagine you stood behind him with your arms crossed, shaking your head while he sheepishly apologises in front of everyone for being difficult HAHHAHA

he was all smiles in his interview and got p1 because he was eager to impress you

gigglin and kickin my feet BECAUSE HES SO CUTE

and you’re stood in the paddock, watching with the biggest grin on your face

when the podium celebration rolls around, you’re front row and he makes sure you get hit with some champagne with the biggest shit eating grin you’ve ever seen

he ruined your very expensive outfit but you didn’t have it in you to be mad

i would never do that to you personally- just saying, your clothes would always be in pristine condition if you were with me… just sayin ✋😌🤚

when the two of you leave literally anywhere, he gets swarmed by fans

tells them to wait a second, and gets you to the car safely before he jogs over to sign some stuff

if you can’t get to the car, he makes sure your hand is in his, keeping you close whilst he signs things

he’s always hyper aware of your safety in public

if you’re instantly met with flashing lights, he will either cover your eyes or take off his hat and put it on your head to shield you

your safety always comes before his

also can we talk about your fashion?

you always dress to impress, never a bad outfit day

pfft is anyone surprised? you’re literally gods gift to earth- MOVE HEESEUNG

travel days are always so tiring for heeseung

which is when you become the protective one

holding him protectively whilst you both wait for your flight

running your hands through his hair

he holds you so tight; he doesn’t care who sees or about getting teased by his fellow drivers

when you’re finally in the air, whether it be private jet or not, you always make yourself into a personal pillow for him

it could be the cushiest flight known to man, and you’d still be his pillow

that should be me fr

he sleeps like a baby the whole time

and you don’t mind because you know he needs it

in the days leading up to the championship, he becomes…

unbearable? whiny? annoying? come here, i’d never- sorry sorry 😔

tense…

his stress levels are through the roof and nothing really helps other than just letting him be

he’s snappier than usual, but after many years together, you’ve learned to let it go

because you know this is a huge deal for him and he always apologises afterwards

the only thing you can really do is serve as his support and try to relax him as best as you can

like couple spa days when his schedule isn’t crammed

sightseeing to enjoy the beautiful country

even lying in your hotel room the night before, reminiscing about your relationship and his journey to becoming one of the best

you’d feel his heartbeat beneath your back which would be pressed up against him

his shaky breaths against the side of your neck as he pressed nervous kisses beneath your ear, nibbling slightly on the lobe

god… i’ve seen what you’ve done for others

“will you still love me if i don’t win tomorrow?”

you can tell he’s straddling the line between joking and genuinely needing reassurance

so, you do what you always do

you turn, cup both of his cheeks in your palms, and press your forehead against his

“you look funny.”

he’d giggle, and you’d start wiggling your eyebrows to make him laugh harder

and he always does, because to him, you’re the funniest person he’s ever met

then, you’d scrunch up your nose and gently sweep it against his, eventually leaving a kiss on the bridge.

“i will love you no matter what. even if you wake up tomorrow and decide that you want to quit, i will love you. even if you decide to walk away from it all, i will love you. because at the end of the day, it’s not the trophies that matter or the podiums. it’s you. you, you, you! your happiness, your peace of mind. you are my greatest achievement; you are my championship win. and i will love you until my heart beats its last pump of blood.”

if you look closely, you can see me drowning in the shower-

a million kisses are shared that night before the two of you finally slip into a steady sleep

when the next morning rolls around, heeseung doesn’t talk much as he gets himself ready for the race

you’re a bundle of nerves as you follow behind him, hand clutched in his own

pre race cuddles are a must in his little rest room

there’s not much talking, heeseung quite likes his silence to gather his mind and enter his racing headspace

but his hold on you, and the way he looks at you speaks for itself. you don’t need his words to know that he loves you and he wants to win not only for himself or red bull, but you.

“if we win this, i’ll give you my helmet to sell on ebay. i think it would go nicely with the signature i gave you at 15.”

your heart quite literally melts into a puddle at the memory

you grin, peppering a bunch of kisses all over his face until you finally land on his lips, soaking in the pre race nerves and savouring the taste of nutella from his pancakes he had that morning

“oh, i am going to be absolutely loaded.”

the two of you share a laugh, knowing silently that you’d never sell it on ebay because it’s tucked away in your memory box, where it will stay until you’re grey and old

a piece of the past where the two of you very first met

the peace drains from the room as though a plug had been pulled from the bathtub, with tension and nerves flooding in

look at me getting all poetic 😌

heeseung doesn’t let go of your hand until he absolutely has to

leaving you alongside his family members with a kiss so passionate it left your mind reeling

his mother grabs your hand after sharing her own moment with him, and the two of you hold on tight to the hope that he’s going to win

the race is tense, you’re almost in tears from the chaos and the nerves

your heart feels like it’s seconds from stopping as the end to the final lap approaches with heeseung in close second

he’s going to overtake, and you’re not quite sure whether your heart could handle it

STOP WHY IS MY HEART POUNDING AS IF IM THERE PLS

you grip onto his mother, the two of you holding onto each other in anticipation

it happens within seconds, you barely have time to process it

heeseung overtakes, barely missing the Ferrari car as he does so

several seconds later, your world stops as the red bull team bursts into celebration

someone is shaking you, gripping onto you with pure elation but everything is in slow motion

heeseung just won the world championship

your heeseung just won

nah because why am i crying? someone take my laptop i’m far too into this

you choke out a sob, allowing his mother to cradle you in her arms with tears flowing down her own cheeks

you’re a crying mess, blubbering proudly and unable to make sense of anything

you don’t even care that the camera is on you, displaying your reaction for everyone to see

“he did it!”

“he absolutely did!”

you don’t know how much time has passed before he’s running towards you, yanking the helmet off

there’s no time to process anything before he sweeps you up into his arms, pressing kisses all over your skin wherever his lips could fit

he holds you like you’re the trophy, lifting you up proudly like a medal

tears cascade down your cheeks like a summer waterfall, while warmth and joy spread through you

he did it. he actually did it.

“get that helmet signed, boy. i’m gonna be rich!”

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chocostrwberry · 4 months ago

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Sentimaggedon!!

Sentimonster designs I came up with bc I was thinking about Argos’s debut in my AU! Bc I’m dumb and I haven’t thought too deep about him as a character to the story yet-

They were originally suppose to all be based on the seven deadly sins, especially Gasumptious (gluttony) and Elvy (envy). But I also wanted to branch into maybe Felix’s other hidden emotions, like his deep love for Kagami and his fear of being replaced by Adrien (Bride and Athazagora).

Argos becomes an official enemy when Dragonbug tells him they need to be destroyed. He defends them, saying they’re just “infants” and can learn how to behave properly with time. But a frustrated and exhausted Dragonbug she tells him they aren’t like humans and are created for one purpose: to serve and destroy. This hits home with Argos, and he develops a fear and hatred for Ladybug and swears his loyalty to Madame Morphisa afterwards in order to take her down and prove just how monstrous he can be.

I’m still kinda trying to find a way to make this concept work in my au. He promised to serve her in exchange for the peacock miraculous, and she wants him to use it to take Ladybug’s miraculous. In a novice attempt, he might have just starting creating multiple sentimonsters that he thought were harmless enough (something she did NOT expect), but they quickly spiraled out of control. It’s much easier to make sentimonsters based on others emotions, because you can predict which one you will create it off of. But instead, he chose his own, which makes it more difficult to tell how the sentimonster will act. I think it would show the aspect that these creatures do have a mind of their own, compared to previous Mayura sentimonsters who were easily controlled by their akumas!!

Red Moon

Red Moon is obviously already canon, but her power is instead hypnosis. If you get caught in her light, you stop whatever you are doing to stare at her. The streets of Paris become like a statue exhibit: countless of unlucky citizens are bathing in her glow, staring at the beauty of the red moon.

Gasumptious

As he devours, Gasumptious grows bigger and bigger. He’ll eat anything, so beware! After finishing most of the city, Gasumptious sits atop the Eiffel Tower and gnaws on its metal posts.

Elvy

Elvy lives in the sewers. She can control water and uses it to drain you of happy memories, which she keeps in floating green orbs and guards for herself.

It’s so silly to me how the manifestation of Felix’s jealousy of Adrien is fought and defeated by Chat Noir, who is Adrien ehehehheeh.

She also sounds like a Pokémon!! Probably like a Lapras, or the one that trills really pretty

Athazagora

A timid creature, Athazagora took over the catacombs, and hides in the shadows. You can hear the creaking and rattling of its wooden limbs in the dark as it stalk you. If you can’t escape, it envelops you in its cloak of darkness, never to be seen again.

Bride

The supposed advisor of Argos. She never leaves his side, and is always whispering something in his ear. To protect Argos, she showcases her ability to turn her arm into a long spear/sword, incredible strength and mobility, and that her body is made of an indestructible crystal.

Plus, he can make multiple sentimonsters bc he’s a sentihuman himself (Other people can’t. You can only make one, kind of like how the Butterfly miraculous can only Akumatize one person at a time, unless they share an object. Current excuse I’m going with that makes semi-sense HEHEHE) . So Lila totally wants to use that to her own advantage!

Ofc he fails, but she’s impressed with his resolve (and the lengths he was willing to go, albeit unintentionally), especially after sharing her goal of destroying Ladybug. Lila was feeling the effects of unification and now has a willing minion to do her bidding whenever she pleases.

If I decide to go with this plot, Lila has to end up forgetting Felix because of the curse. But she doesn’t care: all she really needs is Argos. I might need to retcon her revenge against Felix because of this but idm! It wasn’t very important to the plot anyways!

I was considering having Dragonbug in this episode, since she could use Perfection to snipe Red Moon out of the sky! The lucky charm would be like a wand that creates a sticky translucent web to keep the sentimonsters secure so they can go find their amoks.

And a sentimonster I never ended up including, Ava. I just didn’t have a reason to put her in there but I liked the yin and yang style of her design!!

#THATS A LOT OF TEXt #I tried making it pretty tho!!#hopefully this makes sense #miraculous ladybug #chocoau #chocoau lore #chocoau char #look st me making these big posts with lore and I’m just like “but I’m still not sure ab it yet!!”#LIKE WHY PUT IN THE DAYS OF EFFORT THEN CHOCO???#miraculous argos #chat noir

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bueckers-sturniolo · 4 months ago

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the alchemy.

paige x fem!teammate! reader

word count: 2k!

warnings: uhhh, cursing? literally one suggestive-ish comment, if i think of anymore ill come back and lyk!

authors note: HIIII! this is my first time ever writing anything whatsoever, and i can’t tell if i genuinely enjoy or really hate this. you gotta start somewhere though, right? 🤔🤔🤔

go read part two here!

this happens once every few lifetimes; these chemicals hit me like white wine…

you and paige were inseparable. it didn’t go unnoticed by fans, not by any means. you were a year younger than paige, you started playing for uconn her sophomore year. as soon as this was announced, paige followed you on everything, immediately commenting on any post the uconn instagram page made about you, commenting something along the lines of just saying your name in all caps with a bunch of emojis, or even, when she was feeling bold, “Theres our girl! 🤩🙌 (or, ‘my girl’ if she was feeling silly that day),” and even on your own, individual posts about yourself, she’d like and comment some form of encouragement or a subtle compliment just to hype you up, as she does the rest of the team.

she couldn’t deny her nearly unbearable attraction toward the minute she first had laid eyes on you. even if it was over a tiny screen. the first time she saw you was when geno had shown the team videos of you playing and explained to them who you are, where you’re from, what position you play, and all other things they should know. you were around 5’10, and you were a point guard. you had gotten a scholarship to uconn, and obviously, you took it up. the first time paige physically saw you play, she knew you two would become close. not only working together on the court, during games and practices, but also, off of the court.

and you guys did. by the time the season started, you were sure you guys were unstoppable. every practice, you guys were fully locked in, becoming an outstanding duo together. that is, until, she got a tibial plateau fracture. she sat out a whopping 19 games after her surgery, and it was sad to see. she was such a powerful player, and now one of your best friends. games and practices didn’t feel nearly as good without her, but she made you promise that you’d work everyday to improve your already very strong talent, to play for ‘the both of you,’ as she said. she’d come to practices, games, and even just to your personal training sessions to provide some form of support.

what if I told you I’m back? the hospital was a drag, worst sleep that I ever had, I circled you on a map; I havent come around in so long, but im coming back so strong.

as soon as paige was cleared by doctors to begin playing again, she worked several hours, every single day. she came back as a fucking beast. since the day she got cleared and started working her ass off, she earned the nickname ‘sniper’ from you. your nickname for her was ‘killer,’ which, is kinda where she got the idea for sniper. you both were very powerful point guards. every day since she came back, you were amazed by just how hard she was working to get back up to her already impressive level of skill. and as time went on, she got even better than before. from the wise words of your guys’ coach, geno, she literally ‘came back better than she was when she was named player of the year.’

so when I touch down, call the amateurs and cut ‘em from the team, ditch the clowns, get the crown. baby, im the one to beat. cause the sign on your heart said it’s still reserved for me. honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

one night, after a practice, you guys are sitting on your couch, scrolling on your phones in the living room of your apartment. she was over there often. you didn’t live in a dorm, but she did, so this is where you typically hung out. you didn’t get a dorm, for mainly one reason, living on campus is expensive. you personally thought that if you were gonna pay so much to live somewhere, might as well be somewhere bigger than the dorms at uconn. your parents somehow agreed, and helped you through paying for it your first few years. you’re now a junior, and paige is a senior. though, she was technically going into her junior year of playing basketball, but it was her last year as a uconn ‘student.’ over the past several months, it’s been…. flirty, to say the least. you’ve always been not ‘just friends,’ but, you never talked about it. it was just ‘normal’ to you guys. you had talked about to kk once, and the conversation didn’t really help. at all. not in the fucking slightest.

“well, i mean… yeah, we all notice it. she just…. acts so different around you…? it’s not a bad difference, per se… it’s just like, why the fuck is she so nice to you? she’s constantly like… on her knees praising you. it’s crazy, lowkey. but none of us wanna say that, so we kinda just have accepted it all season.” kk says, finally looking up from her phone at me, sitting on the edge of her bed, giving her a ‘please help me’ look.

i stare at her for a few seconds, then sigh. is it actually different? does she really do that, or is kk just exaggerating, like she always does?

“kk, i don’t- i don’t know, dude. i don’t notice it. it’s just- like-“ kk interrupts me, knowing i couldn’t find the words to explain what i was feeling, “normal to you?”

i nod, putting my face in my hands and letting out another sigh. “yeah, i get that. but, also… like, how do you not notice it? it’s like- remember that guy she said she had a crush on, like- 7 months ago or some shit?” she said, sighing.

“yeah, why?” i say, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion on where the fuck she could possibly be going with this.

“she literally flirted with you more than she flirted with him. then, she rejected him, and said there was ‘no reason behind it….’ is that not suspiscious to you? in that one picture of you guys and the weird ass dude she apparently liked, she’s leaning closer to you than she is him? does that not even slightly spark a tad bit of suspiscion?” kk says, getting frustrated that im not seeing her point here.

“i mean- no? i didn’t even notice it, kk.” I say, shaking my head in disbelief. “exactly my point,” kk says, sitting up to really try to get her point across. “she acts like she’s in love with you, and heaven forbid you notice it even slightly. i could name so many things that just, like- we have all noticed, and paige knows we’ve noticed. like, that time that one bitch was pushing you on the court the entire game, and paige eventually got pissed off and pushed her back off of you, then got a fucking technical foul over it…? or, how about when she gets drunk, she literally is all over you. like, hugging you, holding you, falling asleep on the couch with you literally on top of her? is that not somehow making you just use that little brain in your head?” kk says, and i just stare in thought. maybe she was right. maybe it is more than a close friendship.

you snap out of your thoughts as paige says your name, looking over at her. “yeah?” you say, trying to seem cool.

“are you okay? you just spaced out for like…. 10 minutes…” paige says, turning her phone off sitting her it down on her chest. “oh, yeah,” I say, chuckling. that’s fucking embarrassing, you thought. but why wouldn’t she notice it? she notices everything about you.

“y’know… you did really good today,” paige says smiling at you. you smile too, looking down at your hands, “thanks. you literally always do good, so. no point in boosting your ego any more than it already is.” you say, looking back up to meet her gaze.

“i call you killer for a reason, you know that, right? you’re fucking phenomenal.” and she meant it. you were a goddess, in her eyes. if there was any person closest to heaven on this earth. it’s you. everything about you. she couldn’t get enough of you, and if it was up to her, she’d show you just how perfect you are to her. you smile, shaking your head in disbelief. “you’re insane.”

“im literally complimenting you, idiot- how does this make me insane,” paige says, laughing. you shrug, shaking your head. “you know, you’re my bestfriend, right? like, the best, best-friend i’ve ever had? ” paige says, after a few seconds of silence. you look back up, your gaze softening, your big grin also softening into a sweet smile. kk was right, you thought. you knew what that was. you knew what she meant. she is in love.

hey, you. what if I told you we’re cool? that child’s play back in school is forgiven under my rule. i havent come around in so long, but I’m making a come-back to where I belong.

you sit in your room in silence, staring at the ceiling. you keep replaying things in your mind, things she’s said. things she’s done. you knew you liked girls, you knew you liked paige. but, at what cost? did your whole friendship form from the attraction you guys had from the start? was this random to her? were you guys ever going to talk about it? this whole situation is ridiculous. right now, paige is visiting her family in minnesota. you’ve met them before, and you loved her little brother, drew, like your own brother. he was precious to you. but, this time you didn’t go, you had to stay back and practice. which, sounds ridiculous to paige given that you’re already the best player in the world to her. but, you knew you’d been slacking on practicing and certain skills you were supposed to be good at. you didn’t want to let her down. or the team, of course. but, paige specifically.

these bloakes warm the benches, we’ve been on a winning streak. (s)he jokes that it’s heroin but this time with an ‘e.’

today, you guys had a game. you were always pretty hard on yourself, but, today was worse. paige noticed this, quickly. as she always does. right before halftime, you shoot a three. you make it, but, it still was kinda sloppy. not all of your shots were sloppy, of course. but, today you felt like shit and were on your period. you didn’t feel great, and you were pissed off that the girl guarding you was on your ass all damn game. the girl in question was no other than kate martin, who was always on your ass specifically, when you guys played iowa. it was infuriating, and not to mention that you kept getting fouls called on you by a ref who clearly doesn’t realize that kate won’t stay off of your case. as soon as half-time hits, you walk over to the bench, muttering a ‘holy fucking shit’ under your breath. you sit down, paige immediately following after you, sitting beside you.

“hey, killer…. it’s okay, i promise. you’re doing so, so good.” paige says, leaning closer to you trying to reassure you in a soft, gentle tone.

“doesnt feel like it.” you say, grumpily, grabbing your water and taking a drink of it. “i know, but hey,” she says, smiling. “you’re fuckin’ killing it. if it makes you feel any better, you scored and knocked her down because of how close she was to you, maybe she’ll back off. but…” she says, pausing. “do not get a tech because of her.” you look over at her, slowly nodding. “yeah, im trying. but, the next time she gets in my face, i’m knocking her to the fucking ground again.” you say, quietly. paige smiles, “no being too aggressive… i mean, yes, be aggressive. but, no techs.”

“yeah, yeah. okay, idiot face. i’ll try.” you say and paige smiles wider, shaking her head.

as the game continues, we’re up by a solid two points. youre now in the last 45 seconds of the game. iowa has the ball, clark scores a 3 on paige. of fucking course, you think.

kk gets the rebound, and we get the ball, finally. with now only 30 seconds left, you’re panicking. you’re losing by one damn point. geno calls a time out out to the ref, the ref granting him this and you all huddle over. paige leans over to you, mumbling a, “you’ve got this, killer. im leaving this up to you. you won’t let me down.” you smile, nodding. she smiles at you for a few seconds. she is so whipped, and it’s obvious. you’re addicting. you’re like heroin, but with a fucking ‘e,’ paige thinks.

shirts off, and your friends lift you up over their heads. beer sticking to the floor, cheers chanted, cause they said, “there was no chance, tryna be the greatest in the league.” where’s the trophy? (s)he just comes runnin’ over to me.

as the game resumes, the ball is passed to paige. 15 seconds. the time is ticking, so, so fast. paige does a pump fake, immediately passing the ball to you. you catch it, turning slightly so you can dribble around martin, who’s still on your ass. you nearly lose the ball. you’re wasting too much time time, you think. you glance up at the clock. 5 seconds. you try to think fast, then quickly preform a fake pass to paige, then as soon as kate turns her attention toward paige, you shoot directly behind the point the three-point line, and you make it. the buzzer sounds. you look over at the score counters, wondering if it’s able to be counted. they announce it is, and you feel like you’ve never been happier than in that damn moment. your entire team is screaming, all of the fans in the bleachers standing up and cheering. you place your hands on your knees, leaning down and panting while smiling. that’s when you see paige, her shirt is lifted up so her stomach is showing, still cheering. smiling ear to ear, she suddenly runs over to you from across the court. she hugs you, picking you up and spinning you around.

this type of shit only happens once every few lifetimes. who are you to deny your love for her any longer? who are you to fight the general chemistry between you two? who are you to fight the alchemy?

a/n: RAHHHHHH I HOPE YOU LOVED IT IM SORRY IF IT SUCKS ASS!!!! IF YOURE READING THIS RN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

#paige bueckers #paige x reader #Spotify

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amirasainz · 2 months ago

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Hey love the leclerc sister ❤️ can you do maybe that we won in monza her reaction and the family reaction please ?

Hiii guys. I hope you enjoy reading this and thank you soo much for all the support. I promise, I'll try to write the other requests as soon as possible. However, I currently find it easier to write Leclerc!sister stories. So if you have some ideas, my requests are open for them. (they are open for all ideas.

Btw, I'm so happy that Charles won. He is literally my favourite driver. However, I'm very unhappy with the way Lando is currently acting (it's just my opinion, please respect that)

Enjoy reading!!!

-XoXo

He won in Monaco, he wins in Monza

One of the interviewers, addressing Charles who was seated alongside Lewis and Nico in the media room, asked, “A question for Charles. I hope I’m not being disrespectful with this question, but it is about your little sister. Why is Monza her first race appearance and not Monaco, and why did it take so long for her to attend a race weekend?”

It was Thursday, and the only topic on everyone’s lips was the attendance of YN Caroline Pascale Florence Leclerc. When the Leclerc family entered the paddock today, the sight of the young Monegasque girl walking between her older brothers not only surprised the fans but also caught the media’s attention, as it was her first-ever Formula 1 appearance.

Charles responded to the first part of the question with a smile, "Ah, yes. I’ve been asked that a lot today. Well, it’s actually quite simple. My sister wasn’t in Monaco to see the race in person because she was at home with our grandmother, watching the race together. Since the start of my Formula 1 career, my sister and grandmother have always watched the races together at my grandmother’s home. There are a couple of reasons for this tradition: 1. My sister was too young to attend the paddock a few years ago. With all the media and fans, it would have been quite overwhelming for her. 2. My grandmother isn’t very healthy anymore, so it’s easier for her to stay at home, where it’s cooler, and she can relax in peace. So, this has become their Monaco Race tradition, and I wouldn’t want to ruin that just because people are wondering where YN is."

Before Charles could address the second part of the question, Lewis interjected, preventing the reporters from probing further. “That is a really sweet tradition. And Charles is right. Why should he ruin a family tradition, or in this case, a grandmother-granddaughter tradition, just because the fans and media think YN must attend the Grand Prix in person? From the sounds of it, all parties seem happy with how things are.”

Nico, who had been listening intently, nodded in agreement and added, “Absolutely. Family traditions are important, and it’s heartwarming to hear about the bond between your sister and grandmother. It’s not always about being physically present at the races; it’s about the shared experience and the memories they create together.”

Charles smiled thankfully at Lewis and Nico before agreeing with them. “Yeah, everyone is happy with how things are, and it doesn’t matter because, in the end, we always have a nice big family dinner with everyone. For the second part of your question about why it took so long for my sister to make an appearance, there is also a simple answer. My sister recently turned 18 years old, meaning she now counts as an adult. However, when I started in Formula 1, she was only 12 years old, meaning she was a little girl. My family and I had a long talk about this when I first started racing, and none of us felt comfortable with the thought of her getting swarmed by the media or fans at such a young age. We wanted her to be able to go to school or meet up with friends without getting photographed all the time. As some of you might have seen, I only posted pictures of my sister where her face was covered up just for privacy. But now she is 18 years old, she made the decision to attend this weekend, so I’ll respect that. However, I still ask everybody to not swarm her and leave her as much privacy as possible. She is here to watch the race and not to be the new art piece for social media."

With the strong words from the Ferrari driver, the media stopped asking questions about the youngest Leclerc, making her brother's life a bit easier this weekend.

_______________________________________________

The next few days passed quickly and YN enjoyed every minute with it. Not only was the young girl able to see her brothers all of the time, but everybody was also so nice to her. AT the Ferrari garage, the mechanics always greeted her and answered all her questions. The other team members were always quick to inform YN about the newest paddock Gossip over some watermelon and strawberry gelato. Carlos, her brothers team mate, told her all of Charles embarrassing stories, making her laugh till she cried. And the best part for her was, that her family was always there as well. And before she could even blink, it was finally race day.

The air was electric at the Autodromo Nazionale Monza, where the excitement of the Formula 1 race filled the atmosphere with palpable energy. YN, a bright-eyed girl with a heart full of enthusiasm, stood between her two older brothers, Arthur and Lorenzo. The three of them wore matching Ferrari shirts, their faces painted with the iconic red logo.

“Can you believe we’re finally here?” YN exclaimed, her eyes sparkling as she took in the sprawling racetrack and the roaring engines.

“I know! It’s incredible!” Arthur replied, grinning broadly. He ruffled her hair affectionately. “You’re going to love this, YN. Just wait until the race starts!”

Lorenzo leaned in closer, his voice a mix of excitement and pride. “And just think, you’re going to see Charles out there racing! This is his second home track!”

YN's eyes widened with joy. “I can’t wait! I’ve watched him on TV, but seeing him in person is going to be amazing!”

As the cars lined up on the starting grid, the atmosphere thickened with anticipation. The siblings exchanged glances, feeling the thrill of the moment. Suddenly, the crowd erupted into cheers as the drivers took their positions, and YN jumped up and down.

“Look! There he is!” YN pointed excitedly as Charles, her older brother, appeared on the screen, adjusting his helmet and climbing into his Ferrari.

“Go, Charles!” Arthur shouted, pumping his fist in the air. Lorenzo joined in, his voice booming, “You’ve got this, Charles! Show them what you’re made of!”

With the race about to begin, YN felt a flutter of nerves mixed with excitement. “What if he sees us?” she asked, her voice a mixture of hope and anxiety.

“He will! He always looks for us,” Lorenzo assured her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “And he’ll be so happy to see you here for your first race!”

The lights turned green, and the cars shot off the line, the sound of engines roaring like a symphony of speed. YN’s eyes were glued to the track, her heart racing in rhythm with the cars as they sped by. “This is so fast! Look at them go!” she shouted, her excitement contagious.

As the laps progressed, the tension in the air grew. YN cheered for Charles, her small voice echoing through the grandstands. “Come on, Charles! You can do it!”

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the race came to an end, and Charles crossed the finish line in a spectacular first place. The crowd erupted in applause, and YN jumped up, beaming. “He did it! He did it!”

Arthur and Lorenzo hugged her tightly. “He’s amazing!” Lorenzo exclaimed, his voice barely able to contain his excitement. “I’m so proud of him!”

As the drivers began to celebrate, YN spotted Charles climbing out of his car, his face lit up with joy. He scanned the crowd, and when his eyes landed on his family, his smile widened even more. “I see them!” he shouted, pointing towards them.

“Charles!” YN screamed, waving her arms wildly.

Charles jogged over to the barrier, his heart swelling with happiness as he spotted his little sister. “YN! Did you enjoy the race?” he called out, leaning over the fence to get a better look at her.

“Of course I did! I loved it! You were amazing!” she exclaimed, her cheeks flushed with excitement.

“Did you really? I’m so glad you’re here!” Charles leaned closer, his eyes shining with pride. “You were cheering so loud! I could hear you!”

“Really?” YN’s eyes widened in disbelief, and she giggled. “I was so nervous! But it was the best day ever!”

Arthur chimed in, “You should’ve seen her, Charles. She was a little ball of energy the whole time!”

“YN, you’re my lucky charm!” Charles laughed, ruffling her hair. “I need you at every race now!”

“I will! I promise!” she giggled back, feeling like the happiest girl in the world.

Lorenzo grinned at his brothers. “You should be proud. You raced well, Charles. You’re amazing out there!”

“Thanks, man. It means a lot,” Charles replied, his voice filled with gratitude. “But the real highlight was seeing YN here. I can’t believe it’s her first time!”

Just then, the crowd roared with applause as Charles’s fellow drivers approached, congratulating him. He turned back to YN, “Let’s take a picture! I want to remember this moment!”

“Yes! Let’s do it!” YN squealed, and the three brothers gathered around her, arms wrapped tightly.

With the sun setting behind them, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink, they posed for a picture. Charles held YN close, a protective arm around her shoulders, while Arthur and Lorenzo beamed with pride.

“Say Ferrari!” Charles instructed, and they all shouted in unison, “Ferrari!”

As they snapped the picture, YN felt a warmth in her heart, knowing that this day would be etched in her memory forever. “I can’t wait for the next race!” she declared, looking up at her brothers.

“Neither can we,” Arthur said, pulling her in for another hug. “We’ll make sure you’re at every race!”

“Absolutely,” Lorenzo added, a grin plastered on his face. “You’re part of the team now, YN!”

Charles smiled down at his little sister, feeling grateful for the love and support of his family. “I’m so lucky to have you all here. This was the best race ever.”

As the excitement of the race began to settle, YN, Arthur, and Lorenzo found a cozy spot near the track where they could watch the celebration unfold. The atmosphere was alive with the sounds of laughter, cheers, and the roar of the fans.

“Look at them!” YN pointed to Charles, who was now surrounded by teammates and fans. He was smiling from ear to ear, clearly reveling in the joy of the moment. “He looks so happy!”

“He is happy,” Arthur replied, leaning back against the railing. “It’s not just about the race; it’s about sharing it with the people you love.”

“Yeah, and he knows we’re here cheering him on,” Lorenzo added, a proud grin on his face. “He’s always been a family guy.”

YN beamed, her heart swelling with pride. “I can’t believe I got to see him race in person. It was so cool!“

As the celebrations continued, YN’s attention was suddenly caught by a group of fans waving banners and holding up signs. “Look over there! They have a sign for Charles!” she exclaimed, pointing excitedly.

“Let’s go check it out!” Arthur suggested, and they made their way through the crowd, YN leading the charge.

When they reached the group, they encountered a colorful banner that read, “Charles Leclerc, our champion!” YN’s eyes sparkled with admiration.

“Can I hold it?” she asked, her voice filled with eagerness.

“Of course! Here you go!” one of the fans replied, handing the banner to her. YN beamed with joy as she held it high above her head.

“Charles! Over here!” she shouted, waving the banner enthusiastically.

Charles turned, catching sight of his little sister holding the sign, and his heart swelled with affection. “YN! That’s amazing!” he called back, flashing her a thumbs-up.

“Look, he sees us!” Lorenzo said, his excitement contagious.

“Let’s take another picture!” Arthur suggested, pulling out his phone.

As they posed with the banner, YN felt a surge of happiness. This was a moment she would cherish forever. After snapping a few pictures, they decided to head back to the main area where the podium ceremony was about to take place.

“YN, you’re going to love this part!” Lorenzo said, guiding her through the crowd. “This is where the drivers get their trophies.”

As they settled into a spot with a great view of the podium, YN couldn’t contain her excitement. “I can’t wait to see Charles get his trophy!”

When the drivers were finally called up to the podium, the crowd erupted into cheers. Charles stood proudly on the first-place step, his trophy gleaming in the sunlight. YN clapped and cheered along with her older brothers.

Charles looked down at his family, and his smile only grew wider. He raised the trophy high above his head, and the crowd roared in response.

After the ceremony, Charles made his way through the crowd toward his family, still clutching the trophy. “You guys are the best! Thank you for being here!” he exclaimed, enveloping YN in a warm embrace.

“I’m so proud of you, Charles!” YN squeaked, her face lighting up with adoration. “You were so fast!”

“Thanks, little sis! It means the world to me that you came to support me,” he replied, tousling her hair again. “I hope you enjoyed it.”

“I loved it!” she said, her eyes glistening. “Can we come to every race now?”

“Absolutely! We’ll make it a tradition,” Charles promised, exchanging a knowing glance with Arthur and Lorenzo, who nodded in agreement.

As the sun began to set, painting the sky in hues of pink and orange, the siblings gathered for one last photograph together. Charles held the trophy aloft, with YN standing proudly beside him, a huge grin plastered on her face.

#formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #charles leclerc x reader #lewis hamilton x reader #carlos sainz x reader #charles leclerc x sister!reader #charles lecerlc x leclerc!reader #arthur leclerc x reader #arthur leclerc x leclerc!reader #leclerc!reader #leclerc!sister #lorenzo leclerc x reader #monza gp 2024 #charles leclerc #monza 24 #monza grand prix #ferrari f1 #scuderia ferrari #xoxo babygirl 💋

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byecrow · 1 month ago

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𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔

𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜 : M/n can't seem to enjoy his prom night because all he can think about is his situationship, Jake sim. When M/n and Jake both win prom king, the proximity forces them to confront their true feelings and the nature of their relationship.

𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 : situationship!jake x m!reader

𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 : 1.4k

𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 : high school au, feat. pocketz (and jay), slight jay x reader, jake gets jealous, situationship gets resolved

𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜 : omg, first fic posted!! This is only the second fic I've ever written so I hope you guys like it <3. Sorry if the ending feels a bit rushed, that's something I'm trying to work on

The booming bass of the speakers and the suffocating scent of perfume and cologne filling the dimly lit school gym should be enough to excite, and disorient, anyone.

Except for M/n, who is currently staring at his “not my boyfriend but not just a friend,” Jake Sim. They’ve been texting every day for the past few weeks, staying up until ungodly hours of the night to talk about whatever is on their minds, life drama, video games, the occasional flirting, anything. The problem is anytime M/n tries to make plans in person, Jake turns him down. And whenever M/n does see him in person, he acts distant and as if nothing is going on between them.

“If you’re gonna be utterly, hopelessly, in love with someone, can it not be with the guy who’s afraid of being seen with you in public?”

“Sunoo!” Jungwon scolds. M/n looks down at his lap, hurt by Sunoo’s comment. He’s not mad that he said it, he’s mad that he’s right.

“I’m just telling the truth! When was the last time he talked to M/n irl? Asking for notes doesn’t count,” Sunoo looks between them, neither Jungwon nor M/n have a response. “That’s what I thought. M/n, I promise you there are so many other things you could be focusing on. Like winning prom king, they’re gonna announce the winners in a few minutes!”

“I really don’t feel like getting up on stage and having to dance with some random, Sunoo.”

“Well, if you weren’t prepared for the responsibilites of becoming prom king then you shouldn’t’ve signed up,” Sunoo argues.

“You signed me up for it, Sun. You literally forged my signature.”

“Well let’s not get caught up in the details,” he waves his hand as if to deflect the blame. He catches sight of something behind M/n and smiles, “Would you look at that? I think someone’s interested in you, M/n,” Sunoo devilishly grins gesturing behind M/n. M/n turns around and sees Jay shyly looking at them in the distance. Jay smiles at him when they make eye contact and M/n quickly turns around trying to hide his face.

“He’s coming this way~” Sunoo teases. M/n kicks Sunoo beneath the table but it’s no use as Jay has already made his way over.

“Hey guys,” he says to the three of them but it’s obvious that his attention is mainly on M/n.

“Hi Jay,” Sunoo and Jungwon say in unison. They watch as Jay stares at M/n admiringly.

Jungwon coughs to break the silence, “Hey, Sunoo, wanna go dance? I love this song.”

“Uh, yeah me too!” Sunoo quickly stands up, Jungwon following suit, “See you guys later! Have fun M/n~,” M/n tries to protest but it falls on deaf ears as he watches Sunoo and Jungwon scurry along to the dance floor.

“Well, we shouldn’t let them have all the fun, right?” Jay smiles and holds out his hand, “May I have this dance?” M/n hesitates. He glances back to where Jake was but he’s nowhere to be found.

“Uh… yeah, sure,” M/n takes Jay’s hand as he’s whisked away onto the dance floor. Jay intertwines their fingers with one hand and holds M/n’s waist with the other. They dance for a bit, Jay gracefully twirling and spinning M/n around. M/n laughs as they dance. Jay pulls him closer to his chest, staring into M/n’s eyes with a smile.

“You’re a good dancer, Jay.”

He laughs softly, “So are you,” He pauses before continuing, “Can I ask you something?” M/n nods, “Why has Jake been glaring at us since we started dancing?”

M/n furrows his brow and glances over to where Jay is gesturing. He sees Jake leaning against the drink bar, gripping the table so hard he’s surprised he hasn’t broken it. Jake’s staring daggers into Jay’s skull. M/n has never seen this side of Jake— so angry, so jealous. Jake quickly looks away when he notices M/n’s gaze but he can’t help himself from stealing a few more glances.

“Oh, that's um— it’s ‘cause—”

“Are you guys like together, or something? I’m not dancing with a taken guy am I?” Jay questions, raising an eyebrow.

“No, no! I mean, I wish,” M/n thinks for a bit but quickly pulls himself out of his thoughts, “but, no, nothing’s happening. Nothing official anyway…”

Jay can sense the disappointment in M/n’s voice. Jay lets go of him and tucks his hands into his pockets, “Y’know, M/n, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, too.” Before he can continue a girl announces that the results for Prom Court are about to be announced. When M/n looks back at Jay he’s already walking away, waving him goodbye.

Jungwon and Sunoo find M/n back on the dance floor as they await the results.

The girl onstage is holding two envelopes, presumably containing the results. She speaks into the mic, “And now what you’ve all been waiting for. Our first winner of the night is—” She pauses for dramatic effect as she reads the envelope, “Jake Sim! Come on up here, everyone give our Prom King a round of applause!”

M/n claps along with the rest of the students as he looks over at Jake. Jake glances at him, still very clearly jealous, but he pushes it aside and fakes a smile for everyone else. He walks up onstage as the girl places a sash and crown on Jake. He smiles and waves towards the crowd, his smile faltering slightly when he sees M/n.

“And now, for our second winner, it’s— M/n L/n!”

M/n’s eyes go wide as he looks around, Jungwon is surprised but claps in support while Sunoo can’t help but laugh. They gently push M/n toward the stage and he slowly walks up. A sash and crown are placed on M/n as well. He looks over at Jake, this is the closest they’ve been in the past few dances.

“And, as per tradition, the prom royals will now have their first dance!”

The two look at each other as the crowd cheers them on, awaiting their next move. M/n holds out his hand for Jake but Jake hesitates.

“Dance with me or I’ll go ask Jay.”

Jake’s eyes widened as he quickly grabs M/n’s hand with a firm grip, leading him onto the dance floor. They stop in the middle of the crowd, Jake firmly places his hands on M/n’s hips while M/n rests his hands on Jake’s shoulders. It’s awkward at first, but that quickly melts away. The dance feels natural— like M/n's waist is where Jake’s hands are meant to be.

“Hey,” M/n says tentatively.

“Hey,” Jake says back, more confident but with a hint of guilt.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” M/n decides to go all in, he doesn’t know when he’ll be this close to Jake again.

“Ah, yeah…” Jake swallows trying to push down his guilt, “I–I didn’t mean to, I was just… nervous,” he looks down, avoiding M/n’s gaze.

“‘Nervous’? You’re the captain of the soccer team and volunteer to present in front of the whole school, how do I make you nervous?”

“That’s what scares me, M/n!” he looks back up into his eyes, “I’ve never been scared of talking to anyone, but you—” the words catch in his throat, his eyes tearing up slightly, “You’re different M/n. I like you, maybe too much. I thought I knew what love was but this is so different from anything I’ve felt.”

“Love?” M/n questions hopefully.

Jake smiles, looking into M/n’s eyes, “Yeah, love. I love you, M/n, and I’m so scared of what this means," he pauses, "But more importantly, I’m scared of losing you.”

“Hey, Jake, look at me,” M/n softly cups Jake’s face bringing him to look into M/n’s eyes, “I love you, too. You’re not gonna lose me. We can figure this out together.”

“Promise?” Jake holds out his pinky, needing M/n’s affirmation.

“I promise,” M/n locks his pinky with Jake’s, staring into his eyes with a confidence that reassures Jake. M/n leans closer and gives Jake a gentle kiss on the cheek. Jake blushes and giggles before looking down, smiling shyly, “Wanna get out of here?” M/n asks.

“In the middle of prom?”

“You think I’m gonna let you get away with weeks of avoiding me without making up for it?”

Jake laughs, smiling widely at M/n. He takes M/n’s hand in his and leads him out of the dance, excited to see where this new relationship takes them.

#˗ˏˋ 𓅪 𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚠'𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚜 ˎˊ˗#enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen x male reader #jake sim #jake sim x reader #jake sim x male reader #sim jaeyun #enhypen scenarios #kpop x reader #kpop x male reader

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angelicsoka · 10 months ago

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YOU’RE SOMEBODY ELSE, t. zegras & h. brothers

part two <3

word count | 1.4k

pairings | trevor zegras x fem!hughes!reader, platonic!luke hughes x sister!reader, platonic!quinn hughes x sister!reader, platonic!jack hughes x sister!reader,

summary | the youngest hughes sibling is slowly becoming someone she can’t recognize

warnings | mentions of self-harm, suicidal ideation, and depression. ANGST. not proofread. this is not a very happy fic, based on the song you’re somebody else by flora cash. no use of "y/n". lowercase intended. uses of the nicknames for reader include: miss sunshine, bub, & kid

a/n | i’m surprised with how my other post turned out, i definitely was not expecting that lol. here's another sad fic, based on another sad song. i wrote this at 1 am when i couldn’t sleep, so i apologize if this sucks.

you held the balance of the time

that only blindly i could read you

but i could read you

it's like you told me

go forward slowly

it's not a race to the end

she was their sunshine. the youngest hughes sibling and luke’s twin sister was an open book. she wore her heart on her sleeve, and was the sweetest soul around. she had her brothers wrapped around her finger, and it didn’t take long for trevor zegras to fall for her enchanting smile. he made her happy, something only her family had ever truly achieved. quinn remembered the moment she ran into his room, threw herself on his bed as she squealed: “quinny, i think i’m in love!”

quinn held a soft smile on his face as she went on and on about the date trevor had taken her on. she had trusted him to hold this secret until the couple was ready to tell the two other hughes brothers, who would more than likely overreact. “well, bub, i’m happy for you, but if he hurts you, you tell me and i’ll break his face.” quinn promised, laughing when she hit his shoulder in retaliation.

“please, as if!” she laughed, getting up to hug quinn. “thanks, quinny. i love you.”

“i love you too, kid.” quinn watched as she practically bounced out of his room. she was so clearly in love, blinded by it even. maybe that's where everything went wrong. maybe they moved too fast, maybe she needed to learn to truly love herself before she could truly love him.

you were the better part

of every bit of beating heart that i had

whatever i had

i finally sat alone

pitch black flesh and bone

couldn't believe that you were gone

trevor zegras loved her, he loved her more than he thought he would ever be able to love someone. and it wasn’t that she didn't love him, it was that she didn't love herself. she made trevor a better person, made him want to do right by others. if she had taken the time to take care of herself like she had taken care of everyone else, maybe they could’ve made it. maybe, he had loved her too much. maybe, they were doomed from the start.

now, trevor was alone, unsure of what to do. she had left him, claiming that she wasn’t ready. that she loved him, but she could never love him like how he loved her. that she didn’t know how to love herself, so how could she love him? still, trevor blamed himself. he was angry that he couldn’t have shown her how much good she brought to this cruel world. he spent too many nights stuck in thought about her, about how things could’ve been different.

she spent too many nights stuck in thought about how the world would be better without her. about how things would be better for everyone if she was gone.

well, you look like yourself

but you're somebody else

only it ain't on the surface

well, you talk like yourself

no, i hear someone else though

now you're making me nervous

change is inevitable. it is bound to happen, yet the youngest hughes sibling feared change. she felt herself becoming a person she could no longer recognize, it was like her body was a house that had been intruded by unwelcome visitors. she looked the same, yet she had changed so much.

she never told her brothers the real reason she had broken up with trevor, instead she simply told them they had grown apart. however, one look at trevor zegras told them it was more than just that. it was after that they began to notice the subtle changes in her: the joyous laughs that use to fill the lake house were much more quiet and less frequent, and her smile never quite met her eyes.

it was after luke caught a glimpse of the scars that littered his twin’s thighs and stomach that they knew it was serious. luke tried to talk to her, to figure out what was going on but she would find anyway to divert the conversation, to get away from the inevitable change.

luke led his twin into the basement where quinn and jack were waiting. he had promised a movie night, just him and his sister and god, did he feel guilty about what he was about to do. he quickly shut the door, blocking her only way out. the look on her face made him want to break down. the once bright, bubbly girl looked nervous and so very tired. tired like she knew she couldn’t keep going like this without telling someone.

she took one look at her older brothers before breaking down in sobs. luke was quick to embrace her, jack and quinn on their feet in an instant. the words tumbled out, the need to tell someone being so unbearably overwhelming.

“i can’t do it anymore. i can’t keep living like this. i can’t look in a fucking mirror because i hate myself! i hate how i look, the way i talk and laugh! that’s why i do this to myself because i fucking deserve it!” she rolled up her sleeve, revealing the healing scars.

“there’s this fucking war going on in my head and i’m losing. i can’t keep going, i don’t wanna keep going! i wish that i could go back to when i was a kid, to when i wasn’t so fucked in the head.” the words just kept coming, as well as the tears. she couldn’t see it, but her brothers were in shambles at this revelation. the fact that their sister hated herself so much she would physically hurt herself, that she couldn’t see how much she meant to them. “maybe i’m just better off dead.”

“don’t say that, don’t you ever fucking say that or even think that.” luke pulled back, looking to his sister.

“bub, why didn’t you tell us you felt this way?” quinn questioned, watching as she took the tissue jack offered her. she sat on the couch, pulling her knees to her chest. jack sat beside her, looking at her with teary eyes. luke was on her other side, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. quinn sat in front of her, a broken look on his face; he was the oldest of them all, he was supposed to protect them. why couldn’t he have protected her from this?

“i didn’t want to be a burden.” she sniffled, avoiding eye contact. jack scoffed beside her, pulling her gaze to him.

“you? a burden? miss sunshine, you could never be a burden. your feelings are not a burden.” she felt relieved, glad that she would not have to carry this weight alone. tears began to cascade down her face as she allowed jack to hug her. she cried as her twin and oldest brother joined.

“you are so loved, miss sunshine. so fucking loved.” quinn kissed her forehead, a smile creeping on to her face.

“thank you.” she rasped out, drying her eyes. she fell silent for a moment, deep in thought. “i was promised a movie night…” she trailed off, a smile adorning her face. this time it reached her eyes. “but first, i have someone i need to talk to.”

she stood up, walking to the basement bathroom. she closed the door behind her, taking a seat on the lid of the toilet. she dialed a number on her phone, hesitating slightly before she hit the call button. it rang a couple times before he picked up. “hey, z, you busy?”

“are you alright?”

“yeah, yeah, i’m okay. just really needed to hear your voice.” she smiled, even though he couldn’t see it.

“are you sure you’re okay?” he questioned, concern clear in his voice.

“yeah, i'll explain everything when you get here next week, i just needed to hear your voice.” she heard distant voices on his end, followed by rustling as he pulled the phone away from his ear.

“i’m sorry, but i gotta go.” he sounded upset, still clearly very concerned about her.

“that's okay, z. uh, before you go, i’m sorry... about everything.”

“its okay, it'll all be okay.” more distant voices could be heard, “i gotta go, i love you.” he ended the call, probably not realizing what he had said. it was in that moment, she knew everything would be alright.

i saw the part of you

that only when you're older,

you will see too

#angelicsoka #trevor zegras #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras imagine #jack hughes #luke hughes #quinn hughes #hughes brothers x sister reader #jack hughes imagine #luke hughes imagine #quinn hughes imagine #jack hughes x reader #luke hughes x reader #quinn hughes x reader

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ironunderstands · 5 months ago

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Topaz appreciation post because she’s been rotating around my brain like a rotisserie chicken and I need y’all to get her like I do

Genuinely, I believe her to be the most underrated limited 5 star in the game everything wise, because she is so damn interesting and nobody talks about it ever and it drives me nuts.

So, I’m going to make you understand why exactly I love her and what makes her so amazing in the first place.

Her lore

Topaz’s lore is rather simple, at least compared to other characters in the game, but simple ≠ bad and her story serves her perfectly.

Long before Topaz was Topaz, she was a girl named Jelena, living in a desolate planet at the edge of the galaxy. The economy of this planet was based around mining and industry, which resulted in her home becoming more and more polluted as time went on. The wildlife almost completely disappeared, people had to wear masks to breathe, and it seemed like her planet was reaching a hopeless, dismal end.

Until the IPC came. They promised to fix everything, and heal her planet of its environment problems, in exchange for every person on the planet signing a contract of indentured servitude to the IPC. Seeing no other way out, Topaz’s home accepted, forever tying her and the rest of the planet to the IPC.

Topaz is was (and still is) incredibly talented and competent, excelling in science, economics, finances, math, etc. Her exceptional talents caused her mentor and parental figure Dvorski, who works in the Strategic Investment Department to recommend her to Jade, one of his superiors. Presumably, this is how she started her climb up the corporate latter, eventually becoming the Topaz we know and love today.

Throughout this, she maintained her friendly and headstrong attitude, and never abandoned her love for animals or the people in her life like Dvorski, a trait which will be important for later.

So, I’ve established the basics, so what makes this interesting?

Topaz’s trauma and how it affects her character

I feel like a lot of people ignore just how much trauma she really has, and how it affects the way she behaves in the present.

For starters, her love of animals. Sure, Numby is adorable and in general this is a rather fun trait for a character to have, it’s not something you would consider to be a sign of something darker.

However, remember that Topaz’s planet almost lost all of the life on it, and she witnessed firsthand almost every creature she knew and loved either go extinct or become severely endangered.

So, when you view her love for animals through this lense, it’s easy to see that she’s so attached to animals because Topaz almost lost them forever, and this trait manifests in a lot of the behavior she exhibits.

According to Topaz herself, her efficiency goes up 27% when Numby is with her, and it seems to be blatantly obvious that being around animals give her at the very least a peace of mind/sense of comfort. I mean in game she is Topaz and Numby for a reason, and her relationship with them is a core part of the way she behaves. When Topaz can’t ground herself, she has Numby to help her with that, which hurts even more considering she is likely going on these missions alone 90% of the time, meaning her literal only friend is a pet/animal.

Considering Topaz’s biological parents never get mentioned, it’s not hard to assume she is orphaned or at the very least estranged from them, likely due to the disaster on her planet, leaving her only loved ones to be her pets and Dvorski. Losing one half of the only support system she has would be devastating for Topaz, which is likely why she brings Numby everywhere (also considering I don’t think she has mentioned him in the present, her pets might literally be the only things she has left).

In her own home, Topaz collects a myriad of species from across the galaxy, as if to preserve them so at least even if they disappear on their home planets like hers did, they won’t go extinct entirely.

Personally, I think her fixation around them cooperating and coexisting also reflects on how she feels about other people. If animals from completely different planets can get along, so can people. If she can convince creatures lacking in intellect work together, then she can do the same for ones that possess it, as ultimately Topaz is a massive people person, and believes what she’s doing is best for the galaxy.

It’s almost like an experiment, with every little change to their ecosystems, every new organism added, every new abiotic feature taken or removed, Topaz can simulate what that might be like in reality. In a way she wants to take care of humans like she does her pets, however instead of doing it through her own means, she uses the IPC and her power as a Stoneheart as a vector for that.

But why is she so confident? What makes Topaz wholeheartedly believe that what she’s doing really is the best for the galaxy, even if we know it isn’t perfect, even if only ~80% of the planets she works on are “saved”?

Well, like always, it’s her trauma again.

Imagine you’re living on a planet slowly dying due to its people’s greed and ignorance, in which everything you know and love is falling apart, and absolutely nothing can be done about it. But you don’t need to imagine this, I mean this is a situation we are all going through, as it’s already what’s happening to our planet right now, so perhaps instead picture what it might be like to live here in a few decades if nothing changes. How miserable that would be, how upset you would be at those in power, how disappointed you would be in humanity for doing Nothing when we had so much time and already knew the consequences almost a century in advance (seriously we have known about climate change since like the 50s).

So you give up hope and accept your fate, accept that everything is going down in flames and the humanity, the planet you know and love is going to be snuffed out forever.

Only to get saved when an outside influence comes to your assistance. Sure, they make everyone sign a contract binding their lives to them, but you wouldn’t have a life to give had they not helped. Besides, you owe it to every other thing that shares your planet with you, every plant, every animal, every organism has been utterly wiped out by human greed, so it’s only fair to pay them back, right?

I mean it’s your whole world at stake, so how could you say no? How could you deem their terms unreasonable if clearly your own people didn’t deserve the responsibility they had over their own lives? If their situations could only be fixed by giving it to others who could guide them? By giving it to the IPC? The Preservation ?

This is the mindset Topaz grew up on and has known for her entire life. She has seen humanity utterly fail itself and is unwilling to allow that fate to befall others. She doesn’t trust other people to make the right decisions, she doesn’t think they know what’s best for them, because the people she was closest to, her very own people couldn’t do that, so how could she ever expect strangers to do the same?

How could she ever give the leaders of these planets the benefit of the doubt, knowing that doing that for her own almost caused it to be wiped out completely? How could she see them as anything more than the selfish bastards who ruined everything? How could her heart not ache thinking there were people on the planets she helps who would be doomed to experience the fate that almost fell upon her had Topaz not stepped in.

How could Topaz feel guilty over the planets that don’t succeed? The ones she can’t save? As after all, she thinks they were lost from the get go? Does it eat her up at night knowing she failed them? That she couldn’t prevent the folly of humanity this time, so the next planet she must work harder, be more stubborn, push back even more, so nobody ever experiences what she did instead?

I mean being an indentured servant hasn’t been that bad for her, she’s succeeded in every endeavor she’s set her mind to after all. Sure, she’s entirely alone, and sure, if the IPC no longer deems her or her people useful, they could cast them aside once again.

But Topaz is smart, she climbed to the top of the latter, she’s been praised to hell and back, she’s known far and wide through the department for her efficiency and drive, surely she hasn’t done anything wrong?

Sure she’s heard whispers, rumors and projects of other departments, of the deep dark secrets of the company she owes her life too. Inwardly she wonders how those who follow the Preservation would even be willing to commit such atrocities, inwardly she hopes they are just rumors. The IPC saved her planet, so how could they destroy others?

The Preservation’s power will protect all, will save them from their miserable existences. Nothing else matters in the process, no dissenter understands this as like Topaz does. She will save them, she will protect them, even if it means she is detested by everyone she encounters, it must be done. All for the Amber Lord.

I find it very compelling how despite the fact that Topaz has become a Stoneheart, she is still dressed in the fashion of an average IPC worker. As if she is an equal part of the puzzle as them. Equally useful, equally disposable, equally biased, equally ignorant, and equally foolish.

I mean, how could she be anyway else?

Her future

Belabog was just as important for Topaz’s development as she was to it.

She was wrong.

As stubborn as Topaz is, she is not arrogant, and when Bronya proved to her that the people of Belabog can and would fight for their future, Topaz did everything in her power to help them.

As that’s what she really cares about, people.

I think Topaz the determination she has in Bronya and it shook her to her core.

Because so far, the only way Topaz has seen real progress is from the hands of the IPC.

But Bronya doesn’t give into them, and she puts everything she has into saving her people. Moreover, Jarilo-VI follows the Preservation as well, but they don’t agree with the IPC’s method of it.

Is the IPC wrong?

That is the question Topaz is faced with, what is the thing she has to grapple with once she leaves the planet. When they demote her for not getting the debt back immediately, does Topaz wonder why they were so concerned about that in the first place? Shouldn’t they be happy that a world blessed by their very own deity managed to pick itself up without their help? Isn’t that the point?

Does she think back to her previous projects, the planets she saved and the planets she failed, and wonder how it would have worked out without the IPCs involvement?

Did Aventurine teasing her about “failing” the Jarilo-VI project confuse her, because they were still saved like Topaz wanted them to be in the first place? How could they ever be considered a failure?

She believes debts and payback are what holds planets together, but it only ever seemed to cause Belabog to fall apart.

This is the first time Topaz really is forced to reevaluate her priorities, to question if her methods are justifiable, if she’s really doing the right thing.

Belabog didn’t break her, it didn’t topple her worldview and turn everything on its head, but it did plant some seeds of doubt in her brain, seeds of doubt that will grow into a new mindset.

HOYOVERSE IF YOU ARE LISTENING HOYOVERSE, GIVE HER THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN + PRIORITY REEVALUATION ARC SHE DESERVES!!! DO THAT AND MY LIFE IS YOURS PLEASE.

Like you don’t get it you don’t get it what do you mean they set all this up and they might not go anywhere with it. Please hoyo please please please let her break away from the IPC’s condition and warped perspective, please let her truly follow the Preservation, please make her turn away from them, please make her an emanator of Preservation after she does this. Topaz stoneheart form, Topaz emanator form. Please please please let her save the crew let her save her subordinates let her save the people she failed previously let her save Aventurine and Ratio let her save Numby let her save herself.

Her instability

I have already somewhat touched on this in point #3, but Topaz just cannot exist in the state she is now permanently.

Like a radioactive element she’s going to slowly decay over time until she ends up in a more stable form, and who that will hurt in the process, and how long that will take, we will have to see.

Hypocrisy is not something that can exist for long within characters, as due to its inherent contradictions, it messes with the way they are characterized until they are eventually forced to either eliminate it themselves or have the story do it for them.

Topaz is a hypocrite, desiring to do good and help people, but she ends up hurting them in the process.

However, she has only just begun to realize this, and as more and more of the IPC’s atrocities get revealed, it gets harder and harder for both the audience and her herself to justify her behavior as we witness the extent of their crimes.

So how has she remained this stable for so long?

Well, the IPC has done everything in their power to keep her that way. From a young age she was involved with them, as they not only saved her planet, but her only known parental figure worked in the Strategic Investment Department. Soon, he recommended her to Jade due to Topaz’s exceptional talent, and presumably the other Stoneheart quickly picked her up and took her under her wing, causing Jelena to rise fast within the ranks and become one herself.

The IPC has been Topaz’s only frame of reference for how things should be done, her only perspective on write and wrong for so long. The only hints she gets of other points of view are that of the people who destroyed her planet, her own people. Unintentional or not, Topaz has been made to feel her whole life like the IPC are heroes and the common people are foolish and greedy and evil, and only now has that worldview started to crumble piece by piece.

Sure, we have always known how terrible the IPC was, a perception that has only gotten more and more true over time. However, Topaz is not the audience, and in universe the IPC presents themselves in a very positive light.

Think of the Myriad Celestia trailer and how it portrays the IPC; that’s quite literally how they want to be viewed in game, how they market themselves to other people. If Topaz has only ever known them to be that great, shining, progressive company who vows to follow the Preservation and improve the universe, how could even begin to criticize them? After all, she had never known any other perspective. Even when she did fail in the past, Topaz viewed it as a strike on her own record and an unfortunate situation in general, not as a demonstration of the IPC’s misdeeds.

The IPC is good, the IPC saves people, the IPC follows the Preservation, Topaz is a good person, Topaz does good things, Topaz helps people, Topaz saves people, there is nothing wrong, there won’t ever be anything wrong.

Until Belabog

They don’t want to cooperate with the IPC. To roll over and let themselves be gutted for all they are worth.

Well that’s fine, that’s happened before, at least that’s how Topaz justifies it to herself. She thinks of their massive debt, it must be paid after all, otherwise how could the galaxy remain stable?

But the weapons the IPC gave Jarilo-VI were never used in its defense. The thing they owe the IPC for never ended up being valuable. Belabog stood on its own, without the help of IPC in its defense.

They saved themselves.

As if it couldn’t get worse, they did it with the power of the Preservation.

And it didn’t come from the IPC, it came from them.

The Interastral Peace Corporation, who claim to be followers of the Preservation, standing against people who really do have their blessing and being proved wrong.

Do you know how that would feel to Topaz.

She’s wrong, and she’s proven wrong by the very deity she claims to follow, she believes she follows.

So Topaz makes her choice.

Stick with the IPC’s plan, or stand with the people of Belabog

And she stands with them.

Topaz’s character never changes. I hate when people act like she switched up on them and changed her whole worldview, but in reality that was the most in character thing Topaz has ever done in her entire life.

Because she cares about people, so when the opportunity presents itself, she will always stand with them.

This is the first time Topaz goes against the IPC’s wishes, and it won’t be the last.

She made her choice, she demonstrated who and what she truly cares about, and that will only drive a wedge between her and the IPC further and further until she snaps.

I find it funny how Topaz is a fire type character, when the song core to Belabog’s themes is “Wildfire”

However, maybe it isn’t just about them. I think it’s about the Preservation, about what the game in general is trying to tell its players.

How fighting for your right to exist will hurt, but it is not impossible, and that pain will be the only way to enact change.

Well, Topaz,

you made your choice

go fight against your fate

Thank you so much for reading! I really enjoyed making this and I hope you at least understand why I think Topaz is such a compelling character. I need an arc centered on her in the future and if I don’t get one then trust me things will be dealt with. She will get her just desserts.

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr analysis #topaz hsr #topaz #topaz honkai star rail #topaz and numby #Im insane about her I was tweaking while writing this #This community does not deserve Topaz #aventurine #dr ratio #I need to make a post on the parallels between the IP3 #They are so so so important to one another though #I hate when ppl downplay that #THE NARRATIVE PARALLELS GRRRRR #ppl need to acknowledge just how hard the IPC fucked up her too #Like it’s more obvious with Aven and Boothill but still

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sukioyakio · 4 months ago

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thoughts

an:I have no idea what I’m writing about 😭🙏im not expecting this post to do well but pls enjoy

The most fearful,powerful, destructive yet most beautiful,remarkable,and divine being in all the seas. Sukuna ryomen,the most fearsome siren half mermaid in the oceans.

Siren Sukuna who lures pirates with his illustrations and voice toward him to easily become his food.

Siren Sukuna who has been living for hundreds of years,knows everything about the sea.(yet has no real clue how different living is in land)

Siren Sukuna Who gone completely bored from his killing,and stays inside a cave right outside a city .Where he doesn’t have to be bothered by pirates or outsiders.But even that doesn’t stop some people,someone like you.

Siren Sukuna who was just laying down on a rock to relax his large body for his fish scales to smooth out,as he was just staring into the little pond in the cave.Then he hears a small groans from what seems like a human.As he just Silently watches in the shadows of the caves.

“ow..shit this is going to hurt”You mutter underneath your breath,as you wince from the blood dripping down your knees.As you takes yourself in darker into the cave as the pond was the only light. As you lay down panting on breath.

”At least I was able to put ran the City gruads” You whisper to yourself brushing your hair with your hands and swiping off the sweat.

Sukuna who completely in the dark looking at you,with amusement.Seeing how long it takes you to know that there’s a apex predator right in-front of you.He doesn’t care about the thought of killing you right now.

He flaps his fins to at least scratch his body, making a loud noise and with that,it made you start worrying.

“What was that??” You whisper as your eyes search around the the dark cave and pond to find nothing,because of the darkness.You tried to get your body back up but fails miserably from the pain of your knees. Instead you shakily talk up to whatever is in the cave with you.

“h-hhello is there any-o-one here?” You announced in the darkness as your heart pounds loudly against your chest. Which in the small distance where Sukuna is across from you watches this,it just makes him laugh at how scrawny of a human you are.

His dark laughter makes you squeal in fear as You finally found the person who here.You locked on to Sukuna ruby like eyes,and glances at his body and seeing the multiple scales he had in his body and how the left side of his eyes had a dark brown scar that does nothing but enhance his eyes.

Siren Sukuna who’s founded to be seeing such a weak pathetic human,It almost makes him feel sort of pity for you almost.He would feel your eyes on his face,scanning him with your fearsome eyes.And then within a second his inside the pond that set a barrier between you two.His body completely covered in water as he swims towards you and continues to laugh at your scared little face as you move backwards until your pushed into the wall.

Siren Sukuna ,Who see how your body shake in fear of seeing his canine teeth’s as he make a sly grin.He quiet literally having fun with scaring you,he had always had fun seeing the faces of fear painting across his food.

“What should I do with you,since your completely at my mercy” He announce with a cruel smirk that shows his sharp canine teeth’s.

“Please!!Dont eat me!Im Promise that I’ll never come here again and-and Plus I’m not even that delicious,I’ll probably t-taste like ..trash”You said you said frankly as you small tears began to roll down your cheeks.

He rolled his eyes at your response,As he get out the water now half his body out the water and in front of you,as the water from his body create a little pool of water below him.

He scoffed at how unoriginal your response was. “What makes you think I haven’t heard that same speech before brat,This is really starting to bored me”His says at the end of his voice dropping an octave lower making him more imitating then already.

”umm!!I’ll give you my l-lifee if-f in exchange to be able get to live again,and-and you get to-to whatever you want- to -to me” You spoke rapidly and bit shakily about it as you close your eyes and starts to mutter prayers to yourself.

Siren Sukuna who is amuse by how fucking stuipd of a human you had to be,but he stood there staring at you dumbfounded by your deal.But he thinks maybe he could use you for entertainment in his daily life.And so he looks at you,staring down at you like a hawk. The second he saw you opened your eyes he stab his nailed into your wonded knees making you scream and he quickly uses his other hand to knock you out with his hand.

———

and that would be the deal that got you In this mess,but also meet someone who’s a total asshole sweat -heart. Everyday would be some new torture (it wasn’t really a torturous thing just Sukuna mocking and bully her/you) to deal with.

But this deal would make him have feelings that he couldn’t even fathom the thought of having until he met a weak scrawny,helpless human. Example would be annoying the fuck out of him,Having low patience for your stuipdy,making him wonder how the hell are you good at stealing but a total dumbass when it come to survival instincts.

A human now bond with a Sea creature of Beaty and death.

if anyone wants to see more of this,please tell me in comments,and please share your opinion or suggestions with it.

Made by @sukioyakio

Edited:PART TWO IS OUT next>

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #sukuna x reader #ryoumen sukuna #sukuna #jujutsu kaisen sukuna #sukuna fluff #ryomen sukuna x reader #jjk sukuna #jujustu kaisen

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serqphites · 10 months ago

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VICTORIA NEUMAN X ASSISTANT!READER

format: blurb

warnings: nsfw content at the end

word count: 700+

not proofread! y/n used!

- the second you came in for your interview she pretty much decided she was hiring you LMAO

- now i’m not saying she only hired you because of her crush, because your resume genuinely caught her eye, but i’m also not saying it had nothing to do with it 🤷‍♀️

- she definitely asks you to do things she could easily do just as an excuse to see you

- “y/n! can you come here please?”

- “can you pick up this pen i dropped please? i’ve got suchhh a bad back” she’s so dramatic i love her

- you honestly think she’s just being a bitch and she’s messing with you

- that is until one day she comes to you in the morning, saying today she only has one task for you

- “will you eat lunch with me?” and she has the dorkiest smile of all time on her face

- lunch together becomes a regular thing, going from talking about your favourite tv shows to her telling you about her daughter zoe

- she’s so sad when you eventually tell her you thought she was just like every person you’ve ever worked for, just messing with you for the fun of it

- “no no never! i could never do that, especially not to you” OOOOOO it’s blush city for you both

- things are going great! you love your job. that is until something changes, and victoria randomly stops asking you to do things for her

- i mean you’re her assistant, shouldn’t you be getting her coffee? shouldn’t you be organising her files? shouldn’t you be having lunch with her and not hughie?

- to say this has you down is an understatement, you can’t seem to understand why she has randomly shut you out

- it’s not like she’s not speaking to you, she’s still asking you to do things but they’re all tasks that require you to be away from her. you haven’t even been in her office for nearly two weeks now

- after your hurt builds and builds, you can’t hold it in anymore. you storm into her office demanding to know why she’s avoiding you

- she plays it dumb at first but she knows what she’s been doing so she fesses up

- “fuck… i’m sorry, so sorry. it’s not you i promise, it’s me. i- i like you, okay? like a lot and i know it sounds stupid and i know it’s sooo inappropriate because you’re my assist-“ SILENCED BY A KISS WOOOO

- you’re discrete about it at first, sneaking around and making out in the bathroom stalls like you’re high schoolers

- her bringing you lunch everyday<3

- she so leaves post-it notes on her desk with cute lil messages whenever she has to leave for meetings because it’s where she tells you to just relax

- you don’t bother asking why you’re not allowed to meetings that involve voughts CEO, it’s probably just a confidentiality thing right?

- a bit random but whenever you’re standing talking to somebody i feel like she’d just squeeze your butt?

- canon she’s a butt squeezer

- you don’t fight much but oh boy is your schedule full when you do

- she gives you the stupidest tasks she can think of LMAO

- “can you walk someone’s dog please?” “someone’s dog?” “yeah, just go around asking who has a dog that needs walking” “are you being serious, vic?” “yes i most definitely am, it would help me soooo much you have no idea!”

- I LOVE HER SO MUCHHH

- dating your boss can be annoying at times, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world <3

NSFW TIMEEEE

- officesex!officesex!officesex!

- this honestly deserves its own blurb if i'm being honest

- i feel like she's already dominant in bed anyways but because she’s your boss it’s elevated TO THE MAX.

- “i have one really special task for you today, so listen closely”

- you can barely stay stood up with how weak your knees go (real)

- “i need you to be a good girl for me, how does that sound? you think you can do that for me?” in her husky voice im DECEASED

- one time she cleared her desk by pushing everything on the floor, she immediately regretted it when she realised she had broken almost everything

- “i always see people do it in movies and this doesn’t happen” she’s so upset while she’s picking up a broken picture of you both on the beach

- she’s so silly

- she definitely buys you lingerie to wear underneath your work clothes 🤭

- the amount of flirty texts she sends you during the day just to watch you blush uncontrollably is concerning (when is it my turn)

a/n: requests are always open, hope you enjoyed :)

#victoria neuman x reader #victoria neuman #the boys #the boys x reader #genv #how do i apply for this job NOW #mother isn’t good enough to describe her #i need her every where #i need her anywhere #i need her #I NEED HERRRR

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 months ago

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A Place To Call Home: Redux

Summary: In this special part of APTCH, we're going way back. What if things went differently? What if the reader was removed from the Ackles home after only a few months? What if she blamed them for letting her go? What if she found out the truth about her birth parents from the start? What exactly would that do to this father/daughter duo's bond and would it be able to be salvaged? Find out in this special AU from the main APTCH timeline!

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 16,600ish

Warnings: language, angst, mentions of prior abuse (not descriptive), family drama, all the tears

A/N: When I wanted to return to the APTCH world, I've always had this idea of what if the reader hadn't known the full truth about her parents accident? What if she'd been forced to leave? This is strictly a one-off AU part where I got to explore the answers to those questions and see new sides to everyone.

This part takes place during Part 4 of APTCH. This part starts with some text from that italicized before divulging into the story. I can't wait to hear your thoughts! Please enjoy!

__________

Two Months Later

“Y/N?” asked Zeppelin. You lifted your head up from where you were laying in the grass in the backyard, staring up at the sky. “Cole’s here.”

You looked past him, seeing Cole walk down the slope of the yard with Jensen, Danneel playing with the girls, a nervous look on her face.

“Go back to mommy, Zepp,” you said, Zepp running past Cole and Jensen, Jensen’s face hard. You saw another set of people walk down the yard, a police officer and a woman from Cole’s office you recognized. You instantly stood up, Jensen staring at the ground when he and Cole stopped in front of you. “Cole, why are you here? With them?”

“You know why,” he said.

“Look at me,” you barked at Jensen, his head whipping up. “Did you-”

“No. Kiddo, no. We got a call this morning that said we failed our last check in,” said Jensen. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not leaving,” you said, Cole sighing. “You’re going to have to drag me out of here.”

“I don’t agree with the failed check in. They’ve done nothing wrong and you’re like a different person, Y/N. I petitioned for you to stay. But their foster parent privileges are going to be revoked,” said Cole.

“I want to see the failed check in. I can request to see my file. I know I can,” you said.

“Inappropriate relationship with a foster child was cited as a cause,” said Cole.

“Who had final sign off?” you said. “I sure as shit know you know neither one of them are inappropriate with me.”

“I signed off,” said the woman as she walked over, Jensen shooting her a quick glare. “This publicity stunt for the Ackles is over. It was tolerated but there is evidence of Jensen becoming too physically close.”

“Excuse me?” you said.

“His recent postings on Instagram show you two in a suggestive position,” she said. “When you were seated on his lap.”

“Excuse me?” you said again. “I was holding Zepp in my lap too. It wasn’t inappropriate. Cole, do something.”

He took your arm and pulled you aside, letting out a sigh. “Y/N. I know it wasn’t. Anyone with half a brain can see that but Mrs. Keller has the power to move any foster and she wants you moved. I promise I’ll do what I can to get you back here as soon as I can. I-”

You stared over at where Danneel sat with the kids, eyes on you, gaze shifting to where Jensen was arguing with Mrs. Keller.

“Did they give me up Cole?” you asked quietly. “Did the Ackles-”

“No. At least not that I know of. But Mrs. Keller is saying they failed a check-in.”

“They’re going to lose their license to foster,” you said. He nodded. “But they have money. They can fight it if they want-”

“Sweetie, you’ll turn eighteen before it was settled legally. The state will fight back and it’ll get drawn out. I can’t believe I’m saying this but you’re probably better off…sticking it out in whatever home you get placed in and when you’re eighteen, you could come back here-”

“Assuming they actually wanted me. They have so much money, Cole. If they really wanted me…they wouldn’t let me go,” you whispered. “How do you know they didn’t turn me in behind your back? How do you know?”

Cole was quiet, closing his eyes.

“See? You don’t know for sure. I bet they didn’t fail a check-in. It’s just their way of getting rid of me and saving face.” You glared at Jensen when he turned his head in your direction. “If you didn’t want me, at least have the balls to say it to my face!”

Cole sighed as you stormed inside the house. Fuck those people. Fuck Jensen especially. He was so full of shit. You knew, you knew, this whole thing was a sham from the start. All he ever wanted was to show what a wonderful person he was to the world and once that was done, he was dumping your ass.

You slammed your bedroom door shut, locking it behind you. He was going to come in there and try to bullshit you some more. Him or Dee. But you weren’t falling for it again. No, you were packing up your shit and getting the fuck out of there for good.

Jensen was standing there when you ripped open the door five minutes later but you simply shoved past him for the bathroom. “Y/N-”

“Don’t say a fucking word to me,” you snapped. You swept the few products you had into a small bag, hoping it would hold you over for awhile. Quickly, you got it inside your duffel bag, Jensen reaching out for you when you stepped into the hallway. He was smart enough to pull his hand back though before he could touch you. “Move.”

“We didn’t do this,” he said, a harsh edge to his voice. “Y/N, I swear to god we want you to stay. This is killing me.”

“I never should have trusted you,” you said, pushing on his shoulder, Jensen closing his eyes. “I-I trusted you. I thought you cared about me. I thought you might have actually wanted to be my…I knew you were just acting. I fucking knew I was a pawn for you in your fancy little life. I can’t believe I fell for it.”

“That is not true and deep down you know it,” he said. You rolled your eyes, brushing past him. “Y/N, Y/N stop-”

“You’re not my foster dad anymore. I don’t have to do a thing you say,” you called back.

“You are my daughter.” You stopped in your tracks, looking over your shoulder. His jaw was clenched, eyes full of worry. “And I’m your dad. I will bring you back home, understand me? We will find a way to get you back home to your family, no matter how long it takes.”

“I’m eighteen in nine months, Jensen. I’m getting the fuck out of this shitty system the moment I can and when I do? You come near me again and I’ll call the cops on you myself. Am I clear?” He shook his head, getting closer.

“We’ll earn it back,” he said, lifting his chin. “I’ll earn it back. Your trust. Your love because I know you loved us and just couldn’t say it. So we’ll start from scratch, less than scratch if we have to. Hate me and hate Dee. Do what you need to these next nine months to survive because I know you can do it. I fucking know you can. The second you are out of this system that keeps hurting you, I will be there and I will bring you home, understand? I will call you, text you, facetime you everyday. We are not through, okay? We-”

You ripped your phone from your pocket, tossing it on the ground, watching the screen shatter. You shook your head, adjusting the strap on your shoulder.

“No more lies, Jensen. Stay the hell away from me.”

“At least say goodbye to the kids,” he said when you started to walk for the front door. “Y/N!”

“They’ll be fine. Better to learn young how much the world sucks.”

“Y/N-”

You flipped him the bird as you left, finding Cole leaning against the hood of his car. “So where the hell am I staying tonight?”

“They deserve a proper goodbye,” he said, nodding around to the backyard.

“The twins will forget I exist in six months and JJ will too in a few years. Let’s go,” you said, opening his backseat and tossing your duffel inside. Cole gave you that look, his disappointed one you so rarely saw from him, before you got in the passenger seat.

“The Ackles are good people. I’ll find out-”

“Cole. Please just stop,” you said, leaning your head against the glass. You jerked it upright when you saw Jensen and Danneel step outside the front door, looking like deer caught in headlights. “Take me to house fifteen.”

“Y/N-”

“Get me away from here. Now.”

The Next Day

“Hey,” said Cole as you leaned against the post of the car port at the new foster home. “How’s it going so far?”

You gave him your best bitch face, Cole nodding. “It’s fine.”

“Be careful of this guy. I’ve heard rumors of physical abuse but no proof and no kid would ever say anything. Lock the door at night or better yet, push the dresser in front of it.” You looked past him to the crappy house across the street. “I’m serious.”

“And I’m serious about getting emancipated.”

“This shit again? You do not have a job, Y/N-”

“I got my working papers from my new high school earlier. There’s no other kids here for me to look out for so when i’m not in school, I’ll be working.” He sighed. “Cole-”

“You can’t access your parents assets until you’re older. If…if you could, maybe we could make it work but-”

“Then get me access,” you growled. He narrowed his eyes, pointing a finger in your face.

“I fucking tried,” he said. “Do not treat me like the bad guy, Y/N. I have always tried to get you into good homes with good people and I really, really looked into emancipation for you. But you are a ward of the state and the state won’t admit they’re a shitty parent no matter how true it is.”

You crossed your arms, lips pursed. “Then line up the paperwork so that the day I turn eighteen, I’m out of the system.”

“This guy will kick you out of the house the second you age out. You’ll be homeless if you choose to leave.”

“Well that’s my problem, isn’t it? I’ll spend from now until then working my ass off and saving up. I’ll only have five months of high school left after that. I can bounce around shelters until I graduate-”

“Are you listening to yourself?” scoffed Cole. “I am not letting you be homeless.”

You rolled your eyes, Cole stepping closer.

“Your stubbornness made you a survivor and some days I am grateful for it because I know there’s shit that happened to you that you won’t even admit to me. I know you could do it all on your own if you had to. But I haven’t worked my ass off since you were ten fucking years old for you to give up.”

“I am not giving up. I’m growing up. I’m turning eighteen and getting the fuck out of this fucked up town and maybe I’ll find some people with a shred of decency. You never fucking did,” you balked. You walked away, putting your back to him. You heard him behind you, felt him stop close by as you scrunched up your face.

“That family loves you. I have had fosters get adopted by families before and see those connections. Well, I have some news for you. Jensen and Danneel? Kid, they are the best kind of person for you. You are not their foster daughter to them. You are not the potential adoptee. You are not the girl with different parents. You were not made by them but you are theirs and they love you as if you were their blood.”

“It’s a fucking act, Cole. Don’t you fall for it-” you said, spinning around, cutting yourself off when he handed you a dark green iphone.

“I could lose my job for this,” he said, shoving it into your hands. “You don’t have to speak to them but they want…they need you to know that you can always call on them and they will come. When you turn eighteen, they’ll be here if that’s what you decide.”

“Cole.” He shook his head. “They threw me away!”

“I don’t know what happened but I’d bet my fucking life they had nothing to do with this. When I checked on them this morning, they begged me to get their daughter back. Begged, Y/N. You want to grow up? Then trust your heart for once. They will come back for you if you let them. Give them a chance to.”

You frowned, Cole giving you one.

“Do you need anything?” he asked. You shook your head, kicking your foot against the ground. “Stay safe, kiddo. Put in one of those anonymous calls you like to do if this guy tries anything.”

“Anyone ever tell you how annoying you are?” you called as he headed for the inside of the house.

“Give them a chance, kiddo.”

You laid in bed that night, your new phone vibrating from where you hid it under your pillow from your new foster dad, aka Mac, aka the asshole. You’d been at two other homes before with a single dad and neither had been good. They’d done it just for the extra money and you’d never felt comfortable at either. But back then you were much younger, only a kid and a pre-teen and there’d been other kids around.

Now it was a seventeen year old you alone with a sketchy at best guy in his late forties. You glanced at the chair you’d propped under the door handle, sighing. You’d gotten too used to not being cautious with the Ackles. You were going to need to make sure you spent as little time as possible in this house.

You grabbed the phone, pouting at the text that came up.

Jensen: I know you hate me and Dee. We’re fighting this failed check in bullshit but the lawyer was honest with us. There’s no guarantee we win the appeal. But no matter what, we’ll be there when you need us, whether we’re your foster parents or not. We’re not supposed to contact you but we need you to know you’re not alone. We are here for you everyday. We are going to do everything we can to bring you home as soon as we can. No matter what happens, the second you’re eighteen, I’ll be there to get you. I understand if you don’t want to answer me. Be safe. We love you, tall munchkin.

“No you fucking don’t,” you mumbled, turning the phone off before hiding it again. “Please just leave me alone.”

Three Months Later

“Hey Andrea?” you asked on a late Friday afternoon. Your boss from the restaurant and bar you worked at grunted from her back office. “I finish up with school next Tuesday and was wondering if I could get more hours for the summer?”

“More hours?” she asked, lifting her head up. “Don’t you have another job?”

“Yeah but I like this job better,” you said, giving her a friendly smile.

“You like this job better because I pay you under the table.”

“It works for me, it works for you…come on, you know I’m a good server,” you said. She frowned but sighed.

“I can bump you up to twenty five hours but that’s it.” You grinned, Andrea rolling her eyes. “Go grab some lunch and get out of here.”

“You’re the best,” you said on your way out. After bringing out a bag of trash to the dumpster, you washed up and got the chef to whip you up an extra large chicken wrap with a side of mac and cheese. You got a free meal for each shift and it’d helped immensely considering how Mac hardly ever kept any food in the house. Almost all his meals came from take out or going out with his friends. Between your two restaurant jobs thankfully you were able to not be hungry most days.

You packed up the food in a container and walked a few blocks down to a park, finding your usual bench before digging in.

“Y/N!” You jumped in your seat, spilling your late lunch on the ground. You growled as a figure appeared before you. You glared up at a sweaty Jensen, his face red as he put his hands on his hips. “I missed you at work and tried to catch up but I couldn’t find parking and never mind but I-”

“You made me drop my food,” you snapped. He looked down at your feet, a wince on his face.

“I’m sorry. We can go get something-”

“You give me twenty bucks and then get the fuck away from me or I swear I’ll start screaming.” He blinked at you, his breathing slowing down. “Jensen, I am serious.”

“I…Y/N we won the appeal. You can come home,” he said. You narrowed your eyes, his head cocking. “I know you blocked our numbers but Y/N a lot has happened. Cole’s on his way over to pick you up and take you to a private session with the district attorney and some people from the state’s office. I can’t be in the room but-”

“You just don’t stop, do you?” you scoffed, standing. You pushed on his chest, Jensen taking a step back. “News flash, I don’t want to go anywhere with you ever again.”

“Y/N, we didn’t get rid of you,” he breathed out. “We’ve been working on getting you back home every single day.”

“Stop lying to me!” you shouted, your face scrunching up. “I’m just something for you to prop yourself up with. Look how amazing we are, taking in a poor little orphan girl. If you gave a shit about me, you wouldn’t have let it happen in the first place.”

A part of you knew you were being unreasonable but you’d been on your own for three months and you knew the only person you could rely on was yourself. Jensen hid the hurt on his face quickly, replacing it with a neutral expression.

“You can hate me. You can hate me for as long as you like. But you are coming home to us after you sort things out with Cole. We are your foster family again and someday you’ll be able to admit that you know you’re just lashing out because you’re angry. Because we will be there for you after the fact. Because we love you and care about you and deep down in places you don’t like to admit exist, you might even care about us too.”

“I will never care about you again,” you whispered. “And I will never, ever, trust you.”

Jensen stepped closer, staring you down, his jaw clenched. “I guess I’ll just have to prove you wrong again.”

“Good fucking luck with that.” You sat down, crossing your arms. “You can go.”

“Once Cole gets here.” You flipped him off, Jensen taking a seat on the bench across the path, sighing as he went. “Please try to remember that I love you.”

You didn’t respond. Maybe he really did love you. Maybe you really were just angry after he let you get taken. But there was nothing he could say you wanted to hear.

You still hurt too much.

Four Hours Later

You knew people were talking around you. Lawyers. People from the state department. The head of foster care for the state. FBI agents. District attorneys and half of the local foster care office.

Cole sat by your side at the far end of the table, arguing with someone on the other side. The voices were loud, blame being passed around. Threats of lawsuits were in every other word. So many people, so many strangers shouting about your life like you weren’t even there.

You stood up, catching Cole’s attention first but slowly the others took notice, so many pairs of eyes on your numb face.

“What is it, Y/N?” Cole asked, rising to his feet beside you. You blinked slowly, scanning the room once.

“I don’t care about Mrs. Keller and that she blamed my parents for her son’s death in the car accident. I don’t care that my parents didn’t die in the accident and went into witness protection and then didn’t or whatever the fuck they did. I don’t care that they gave me up and that state, you people, are my guardian. I don’t give a shit that none of you realized or that those who did cared more about your fucking case than a ten year old girl. I don’t care that my parents never wanted me and they don’t a shit about me. I don’t care, I don’t fucking care so stop fucking yelling. Please.”

Thirty different sets of eyes stared at you, a heavy guilt settling in the air.

“I’m not a pawn in your blame games. I’m a person who’s life you fucked up. I won’t sue you. I don’t care about that shit. All I want is to go home to the Ackles. I want to stay with them and if they ever decide they want to adopt me, you’re going to approve it on the spot. No dragging it out for months or years. They get it that day. Understand?”

You saw the head of foster care nod, your eyes closing.

“If you people have nothing else to say to me, can I please go home?” There was a quiet murmur and then you felt Cole’s arm around your shoulders.

“Yeah, it’s been a long day. Let’s get you home, Y/N.”

Cole grabbed you some fast food on the way to the Ackles house, your house, but you had no appetite. You’d felt a lot of things in life but this…dejection, was something entirely new. You were so numb you couldn’t even cry.

No one in your life had ever wanted you. Not a single soul. Except for the family you’d pushed away, yelled at, been cruel to.

There was no way they’d want you after all that. Why would they? You were so fucked up, no one ever would.

“Y/N. Y/N!” shouted Cole. You blinked, his car parked in the Ackles driveway. “Jesus, are you with me?”

“I’m just tired, Cole,” you whispered. You slid out of the car, Cole grabbing your duffel from the backseat. You barely made it to the cover of the front porch before the door opened and you saw Jensen and Danneel come out.

“Hey guys,” said Cole quietly, setting your duffel on the table, your gaze drifting past them, looking out to the dark water of the river beyond. “She’s…had a long day.”

“Hey, kiddo,” said Jensen but you didn’t look at him, a cold creeping feeling settling through your bones. You knew they were exchanging looks with Cole, a heavy sigh coming from him.

“Be gentle,” you heard him murmur. “Get her back in therapy asap.”

“Are you hungry? I can make you something,” said Danneel as you stared outside. “Y/N?”

“No thank you,” you said, voice flat, picking up your duffel and taking the bag of food. “All I want to do is eat this, take a shower and go to bed.”

“Your room’s all set, honey,” said Jensen, letting you slip past him. You slowed your steps when you felt their stares on your back. But it wasn’t them that made you come to stop. No, it was the picture on the wall next to the hallway to your room that caught your attention. It’d been some professional picture before, one from when the twins were newborns and the rest of them.

Now it housed a photo you remember not feeling like you should have been part of. Jenen’s arm was around your shoulders, the other holding up Arrow. Zep was in Dee’s arms while JJ stood in front of you with a big grin. You remembered taking it at Jensen’s birthday party a few days before you’d left, trying your hardest to stay out of the family photos but he kept finding you every time you tried to run away.

And you’d thought they’d betrayed you.

You took off down the hall, closing your bedroom door quickly behind you. The room didn’t smell like cleaner yet it was which meant they were in the habit of regularly dusting it. There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary in there except for Dee’s blanket you’d stolen a long time ago and a hoodie of Jensen’s you’d worn a few times when it’d gotten a tad too cold out at night for you.

You sighed when you picked up the framed drawing on your desk of the family, JJ’s judging by the quality but you could see where the twins had gotten their hands on it. You had to put it down and flip it over when you saw she’d put you in it.

You pushed away the rising bile in your throat and forced yourself to eat part of the burger so there was at least something in your stomach. After chucking the leftovers in the garage, you took a long shower, a basket full of new products waiting for you on the counter.

Fucking considerate assholes. Why did you have to be such a bitch to them? They never gave you up and…

“It’ll never go back to how it was,” you whispered to yourself. You ducked your head under the water and turned it cold, trying to figure out what the hell you were supposed to do.

You were finally back home with people that wanted you. Had wanted you at least. But now? Who knew if they’d let you in all the way again?

Who knew if you’d ever forgive yourself for hurting them. Maybe you’d been the asshole all along. Maybe you were never a good kid and everyone saw it but you.

You slammed the water off and dressed in a pair of pajama shorts and an oversized shirt, throwing Jensen’s hoodie on when you were back in your room to help with the chill you’d self-inflicted. It warmed you some but a faint whiff of his cologne came off the fabric, your gut churning once more. With a sigh, you sat down on the edge of the bed, staring out your dark window. To your surprise, and you were grateful for it, no one came to talk to you. It seemed like a long time but eventually you heard Cole’s car drive off and saw the front lights dim. The house was quiet. Still.

It was after ten and you had the sense that Jensen and Danneel had retreated to the confines of their bedroom to talk about you in hushed whispers.

You tried to lay down but no matter how exhausted you were, sleep wouldn’t come. Your brain couldn’t turn off, couldn’t relax. For hours and hours the same questions kept running through your mind.

Why hadn’t your birth parents given you up for adoption when you were young? Why hadn’t they planned it better with their FBI handler? Why’d the FBI just let them go when they ran off? Why had no one put it together about Mrs. Keller’s son being killed in the accident? What was so wrong with you no one wanted you?

Were you even capable of knowing what love felt like?

You bolted out of bed, storming out of your room and down the hall. Fuck, you needed air. You went out on the back porch, standing in the dark and watching the dark waves in the distance, the scattered lights along the houses on the opposite side of the river.

“I can’t sleep either.” You didn’t turn but felt Jensen come to stand beside you, a glass of water in hand. “You get any at all tonight?”

You shook your head, Jensen offering the water to you. You slowly took it, drinking the cold liquid down in big gulps. When you handed him the glass, he set it down on the outdoor table before returning to lean his forearms against the railing.

God, he looked fucking…sad.

“S’funny.” You glanced up at his dark face, his focus on the backyard, eyes glancing up at the few bright stars poking through overhead.

“What is?” you said, a strange lack of emotion in your voice that should have concerned you but you were too tired to care. Jensen heard it though, looking you up and down.

“How cruel the world can be to a perfectly innocent kid.”

“Plenty worse could have happened to me,” you said, a frown forming on his face. His brow furrowed, eyes searching yours.

“And what exactly does that mean?” he asked, his jaw clenching. You shrugged, gaze back on a few waves that peaked up and sloshed back down. “Y/N.”

“It means in retrospect for what did happen to me, much worse things could have. It’s not that big a deal.”

“Your birth parents abandoned you in the forest during fucking bear season. They admitted-”

“Nothing happened.” He audibly growled, clenching his fists on the railing. “It’s fine.”

“No,” he said, taking you by both your arms and leaning down, face hard. “No, none of it was fine. You were hurt and abused and you will not brush this under the rug. You are not alright. My Y/N is fighter. She’s a ball of spitfire and doesn’t back down from a fight. Even on her worst days, she’s got a spark in her. Don’t lose that, tall munchkin. Don’t.”

“I’m done fighting, Jensen. I give up. I don’t care anymore. I just don’t care.”

“Care about what?” he asked quietly.

“Anything. Just get me through high school and then I’ll move to the middle of nowhere where no one will have to remember I ever exist.” He dropped his head, breathing deeply. “Jensen, it’s fine-”

“Don’t…” he trailed off, his fingertips digging into your biceps ever so slightly. He slowly raised his head, his face somber. “Honey…you may never trust me again or believe me again and I shouldn’t say this but I get it. I fucking get why you might never trust anyone to be a parent to you ever again. But Y/N, I can never forget your exist. You’re one of my reasons for living and when you talk like that you scare me. Shit, you have no idea how much it scares me to know you hurt so much and I can’t fix it. You don’t know what I’d give for that version of you at the park who hated my guts right now. She was fighting. I need you to keep fighting. Don’t give up on me yet because I sure as shit will never give up on you, even when you do.”

You glanced down, nodding a few times. You felt him straighten and clear his throat, his hands rubbing gently up and down your arms.

“You know what’s sad? You’re the first person in my life that ever loved me,” you said, gaze fixated on the tile floor beneath you. “I treat you like shit and now I don’t even know how to feel anything anymore. I don’t understand at all how someone like you could love someone like me.”

“It is sad,” he said quietly, stroking his thumb over your cheek. “You deserved better. You deserved love long before now. But I will gladly be the first person to love you. Dads are like that.”

“Jensen,” you sighed, his hand dropping to under your jaw. You glanced up, a sad smile on his face.

“I know. Like I said, Dee and I will be whatever you need us to be. Parents. Friends. We can simply be a safe place for you. But whatever you decide, you don’t get to decide what you are to me, understand?” He rubbed your arms when you just stared at him. “Okay?”

“W-What am I to you?” you whispered. He tilted his head, sighing softly.

“Oh, you know, baby girl.” He pulled you into a hug, a tight embrace where you found yourself burrowing into his chest, clinging to his t-shirt. “I know it hurts and it’s so much easier not to feel it. I know. But I’m here. Mom’s here. You don’t have to face it alone. You’ll never be alone again.”

“I can’t…” you mumbled, breathing deeply, large hands holding you close. “You don’t understand how this feels. No one wants me. No one. It doesn’t matter how many times you say it, I just…I can’t believe you Jensen. It’ll kill me when you hurt me too.”

“What’s my job?” he whispered before kissing the top of your head. “What’d I tell you on that freezing cold road back in December in the rain? What’d I tell you my job is?”

You squeezed his shirt so hard you felt it straining, his hand running up and down your back. “Come on, kiddo. What’s my job?”

“Protect,” you whispered.

“That’s right,” he said, letting out a heavy sigh. “I haven’t done a very good job of that so far but it is my job. That’s what dads do. So let me do my job and you…you be as brave and strong as I know you are and give me a chance. Give me a chance to prove I love you, to know you are loved by this whole family and that…that…”

You glanced up, his face scrunched up, eyes opening as he sensed your gaze. He tucked your hair behind your ear, shoulders sagging.

“That what, Jensen?” you asked. He looked over your head, a sad little smile growing on his face.

“That I didn’t betray you. That every day you have been gone has been the darkest moment of my life. I need my daughter back.”

“I don’t know if I can do that. I’m sorry,” you said. You slipped past him, feeling his gaze on your back. You swallowed, looking down. “I just don’t know if I can ever care about you again. Please don’t hate me for that.”

“I could never hate you, tall munchkin.” You felt a hand on your back, your head lifting but you didn’t turn. “All I’m asking for is one more chance. I’m asking you to try one more time for me. Try to give us a chance.”

“I’m sorry, Jensen. I don’t think I can.”

You went inside before he could say a word but you felt his response when he dropped his hand.

You were breaking his heart. And the worst part, the scary part, was you felt nothing about doing so.

Twelve Hours Later

“I’m sorry, what was that word?” asked Danneel. You picked at a stray thread on a pillow in the family room. You didn’t completely understand why you were having this “emergency” session or whatever it was at home but you guessed it had something to do with that it was Sunday and just about every adult in your life was staring at you like you had three heads.

“It’s called Alexithymia. It’s a condition that can happen for a variety of reasons. In Y/N’s case, PTSD is causing it,” said your therapist. You’d spent the better part of the morning getting reacquainted with him on your own, with Dee, Jensen, all three of you together. You’d barely gotten more than two hours of sleep and honestly couldn’t give a crap about anything this guy said.

“But Y/N was diagnosed with PTSD before and didn't have this condition,” said Jensen. That peaked your attention, your finger raising. Jensen and Danneel shared a look from the far end of the couch, your therapist sighing.

“I don’t have PTSD, thank you very much.” Jensen scoffed. “If I had it, you would have had to tell me, dumbass.”

“It was not an official diagnosis previously but that’s irrelevant,” said the therapist. “The trauma Y/N endured last night and during the period she was removed from your home, even the removal from your home triggered-“

“It wasn’t fucking trauma and I wasn’t fucking triggered,” you snapped. “I am tired. I am just fucking tired from working so much and dealing with so much bullshit. I had two hours of sleep last night so of course I’m having a bad day. On a normal day, I’m fine.”

“What is this condition?” asked Dee, ignoring you. You rolled your eyes and would have simply left the room if not for Cole standing near the exit like a damn security guard. Apparently you weren’t being reasonable enough for them when you told them to take their therapist visit and shove it up their asses.

“It’s when someone has a hard time understanding the emotions they’re feeling or rather feeling or displaying an emotion at all. In Y/N’s case, based on what I’ve seen this morning, she’s primarily having a difficult time feeling her emotions.”

You flipped him off. “Does it feel like I’m having a hard time understanding my emotions?”

“Do I look like a fucking idiot?” His comment was strange for him. He never swore and was always level headed. “That’s a perfect example. Y/N knows I don’t swear yet there was zero emotion on her face whereas the rest of you were hiding your reactions. Y/N is a very smart girl who is very afraid of getting labeled with something because deep down she fears it makes her unlovable. And that we know for a fact from our previous sessions.”

You crossed your arms and sat back, glancing out the window, trying to calm down. Jensen cleared his throat. “So, uh, what does all this mean exactly?”

“It means you could put a puppy in front of her and she will react the same way as if you set the house on fire. She’s in pain, pain at a very fundamental level of her core. Her head right now is saying it can’t take more pain. It can’t deal with the pain,” said the therapist. “So her brain tells her I can keep you safe from the pain if you just don’t feel. You don’t have to feel those awful feelings if you don’t feel anything at all.”

“Yeah, cause that sounds like a normal reaction to have,” you mumbled. You turned towards Jensen and Danneel, their gaze shooting to you. “Do you seriously believe this crap? Jesus, I feel shit. Do I look like someone that doesn’t? This guy is so full of shit. He’s a fucking family doctor way out of his league and making crap up.”

Danneel bit her bottom lip, working it between her teeth worriedly. Jensen looked away.

“How do we help Y/N feel like herself again?” Jensen asked, ignoring your scoff.

“We work through the pain. She’s going to hate it. She’s going to hate all of us for a good while. We address the trauma endured and, eventually, her head will accept the emotions back. Most likely after something happens like a minor scare or a holiday or something where heightened emotion occurs. She protected herself in that conference room by retreating inward when she felt alone. We’ll make sure she knows she’s not.”

“Or…” you said, standing up. “Maybe this is a waste of time. Honestly? I couldn’t give a shit about what you think. People suck. That’s life. Just get my through the next six months until I’m eighteen and then it doesn’t matter what any of you want.”

You left and retreated to your room, quiet murmurs coming from down the hall. What was their problem? Just because you wanted to keep your distance you suddenly had a problem they were going to try and fix?

“Fuck this.” You went to the closet and grabbed your duffel, throwing it over your shoulder.

But for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You tensed when a hand lifted it off your shoulder and set it back in the closet. You swallowed when Jensen sighed, looking down at you.

“Listen. I don’t agree with what he said.”

Your eyebrows shot up. “You don’t?”

“No. Because you’re pissed and I know my daughter. You don’t have whatever the thing is he said. Trauma? Sure. But you always have had that.” He put a hand on your head, ruffling your hair. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You aren’t going to make me like, see him extra or some crap?” He shook his head. “Really?”

“Really. We go back to once a week but nothing else. I know this isn’t something therapy will help with.” You frowned. Jensen shrugged, leaning back against the wall. “No, I realized last night the only way we fix this is with time. So we put in the effort and eventually, that wall will come down. I can wait.”

“Uh, thanks,” you said, rubbing your arm. “I’m really surprised you’re not siding with the doctor.”

“Tall munchkin.” You hated how those two words made your heart squeeze. You bit the inside of your cheek as he sighed. “He is an excellent family doctor but you had a point. He doesn’t know trauma. We’ll find someone better suited to help you. He’s going off a text book definition right now. I damn well know you feel things, you just don’t want to care about us right now. You’re still in shock, just like the rest of us. Let me and Dee figure out the therapist and you just…”

“Just what?” you mumbled. He titled his head, smiling sadly.

“Just be a fucking kid. Go play with the little kids. Spend the summer hanging out with your old friends because news flash, those girls miss you. Trust me, they text us at least once a week asking if we’ve heard from you cause apparently you’re radio silent when they reach out.”

You glanced down before taking a seat at the end of the bed. “I don’t want to be the girl they pity so they let me hang out with them.”

“Y/N,” he chided, sitting next to you. “I know you didn’t know them for very long but I thought those girls were your friends. I didn’t realize they treated you-”

“They didn’t,” you interjected. You rubbed your palm with your thumb, closing your eyes. “I just worried…I worried they didn’t actually like me and felt sorry for me. I’ve always been scared of getting close to anyone so it didn’t hurt when they fucked me over.”

You pressed your thumb in harder when you felt your skin prickle. Your face scrunched up, Jensen shifting beside you.

“I realize now that my birth parents weren’t all that much better than some of my fosters. I just always thought they were strict. Firm but it came from a good place. I was a good kid, after all. Even after I thought they were gone I was still good like they taught me to be.” You grabbed your thighs, gripping them both hard. “They taught me to be obedient and afraid of messing up. I needed to be perfect. Always fucking perfect even when I thought they were dead. I had to be perfect for them. Perfect grades. Well-behaved. I was perfect and they still didn’t want me.”

You turned to Jensen, green guarded eyes carefully looking back. “Jensen, I think you’re a good person and Dee too. But I don’t know how to be a kid. I don’t know how to not think everyone hates me because everyone always has. I’m seventeen years old. I’m too broken to be fixed. We’re better off just saving everyone the trouble and-”

“Can we stop with the bullshit?” You stopped mid sentence, jaw hung open. Meanwhile Jensen shook his head in annoyance. “You ain’t perfect and you never have been. You’ve got a mouth and a stubborn streak and you have never in your life been afraid to give it right back to me. You know what that is? It’s called being a teenager. Broken? Here’s something for you perfect child, you’re grounded for letting those assholes keep winning.”

“What? I have work-”

“You can go to work but I’m having a serious discussion with your managers about the hours you’re keeping which is super illegal for a minor by the way,” he said as he stood, crossing his arms when you glared back. “Be pissed off all you want. I can work with pissed off.”

“I didn’t do anything!” you said, getting up when he started to leave. “Jensen!”

He turned around, his eyes narrowed. “You do not get to let these people have control over you anymore. Fuck every single one of them. You have no idea how amazing you are. How full of love and care you are. In places you don’t want to admit, you know this family loves you. You know your friends care about you, miss you. You aren’t going to sit in this room and wallow about how much life sucks.”

“Jensen, that’s not fair-”

“You promised me you’d try for me,” he said, your jaw snapping shut. “You do not need to succeed but you will always try your best and this girl? Miss I’m too broken? My daughter is better than that. You fail after you try? Fine. But you aren’t trying so you don’t get to quit on this family yet. Understand?”

“But…” He raised an eyebrow, waiting for you to continue. You looked around the room, your pulse quickening. “You can’t make me. Last night you said I didn’t have to…you said-”

“I know what I said.” He raised his chin, dread curling in your gut. “But you will try.”

“I don’t want any of you!” you shouted, clenching your hands into fists by your sides. “Why won’t you leave me the fuck alone!”

He looked you up and down, a steadiness to him that unnerved you, some of your anger fading. “You can give up on yourself if that’s what you want to do. But I never will.”

“Why do you even-”

“Because that is what dads do, Y/N. I know you don’t understand everything a dad is supposed to do. I get it. I will show you. Dee will show you what a mom does. We will show you.” He put his hands on his hips, your heart caught in your throat. “If you try for us, you don’t have to feel like this every second of every day. We can show you good days, just like we did before. You can have so many good days they’ll outnumber ones like this. But kid, I need you to give it a chance. Now go outside to where the kids are playing so they can welcome you home.”

You grumbled as you went past him, Jensen clearing his throat behind you. “What now?”

“I’d appreciate it if you spent the day with them. They were devastated when you left and-”

“I wouldn’t hurt them,” you snapped back at him.

“Never said you would. You were always amazing with them. I just hope when you go out there you might finally understand that there are people in this world that love you unconditionally. Kids can’t lie about that crap and those three have begged for their big sister to come back every day. So go make their fucking year and maybe they’ll help you not feel so damn shitty for a little while.”

You swallowed when he went past you and turned the corner.

“I’ll try to try,” you whispered.

You heard him hum and part of you hoped it’d really be that simple.

Late Evening

You winced when you sat down on a counter stool after a late shower. You weren’t old but damn, you had more than a few bruises and scrapes after playing outside with the kids all day.

And it’d been the best day you’d had in a long time.

“Don’t pick at that,” said Dee, coming up from the small basement area with a bottle of wine in hand. You moved your hand away from your knee cap, Dee setting the bottle down. “You put some medicine on your scrapes?”

“Yes,” you said, getting up and going to the cabinet with the first aid kit. She hummed behind you, popping open the bottle as you put a few dabs of antiseptic and bandaids on. “Where’s Jensen?”

“A friend from when he was a kid is in town. They’re getting a quick drink. He should be home in an hour or so,” she said.

“I didn’t say I cared.” She inhaled sharply, pouring her drink with a clenched jaw. “I just think it’s funny. You wanted me back so bad and he’s gone after I’ve been here a day? Yeah, I’m feeling all the love over here.”

“Y/N.” She set the bottle down. Hard. She leaned back, gripping the edge of the counter. With a shake of her head, she sighed. “He hasn’t seen this friend in person in nearly a decade and it’ll probably be another before he sees him again. You want to be pissed at someone? Be pissed at me. I’m the one that told him to go.”

“Of course you did.” She looked up, narrowing her eyes. “Oh come on, Danneel. We both know you never loved me. The kids, yeah. Jensen, maybe. But you? You didn’t want me here. He’s the one always reaching out. It’s never you. He’s not home so we don’t have to pretend right now, alright?”

She stood up straight, taking a long sip from her glass with closed eyes.

“Yeah, drink away the problem. That always worked for so many of my other foster moms.” She set the glass down, slowly peeling open her eyes to reveal something…off. It was a look you didn’t recognize.

“I’m sorry I didn’t love you instantly like he did. I’m sorry Jensen was smitten the second you walked in that door and it took me a few days to fall in love with you. I’m sorry we couldn’t protect you and that we failed you. But you don’t have the right to be mean-”

“I have every right to be whatever the fuck I want,” you snapped. Her bottom lip wobbled, a sharp pang ripping through your gut you tried to ignore. “You’re sad? Boo hoo. Get over it. I told him more than once already. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. You will never be my parent and when I’m eighteen, I really am gone. So suck it up and stop crying because I really do not care.”

She wrinkled her nose and looked away, tears filling her eyes. After a beat, she took a step back and quietly made her way to her room, closing the door behind her. You sighed, sliding off the counter stool to head towards your room when you froze.

Jensen was standing by the hallway, staring at you, every feature of his face etched with anger.

“I-”

“Don’t.” He walked past you, headed straight for his bedroom.

“She-” Jensen spun on his heels, eyes dark as he bounded across the room in four quick steps to stare you down.

“Go to your room. We are going to have a very serious discussion about what I just heard.”

“I-”

“Room. Now,” he growled. You shrunk away and went quickly to your bedroom, heart in your throat.

Why had you said that? Why the fuck had you said that shit to Dee? Your hands shook as you rushed to your closet. You’d been right all along. Something was wrong with you. No wonder no one wanted you. You were nasty and cruel and god, you had to get out of here and let these people live in peace.

You grabbed your duffel and quietly slipped on a pair of sneakers before you were out the garage door without a sound.

One Hour Later

You weren’t far outside of the neighborhood when you heard a car horn blare. You spun around, swallowing when a black SUV sped up close to you, coming to a hard stop in the road. Jensen got out of the car, storming around the front with a fury you’d only seen once before.

Oh god, he was going to fucking kill you.

“Get in the fucking car!” he shouted. You were frozen where you stood, Jensen ripping the duffel away and taking your arm with his other hand. He tossed the bag in the backseat before giving you a look to do what he said or else. Silently you got inside, Jensen slamming the door shut.

You swallowed when you tried the door and realized he had the childproofing on. Fuck, he never did that before when it was only you in the car. He didn’t want you to run away. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He was behind the wheel fast, putting the car in drive. He didn’t head home though. No, he got on the highway and drove out west, out towards the brewery. Out where it was quiet this time of night. The brewery would be closed, no one around.

You were shaking like a leaf when he pulled up in front of the old house on the property. He was quiet, much slower to walk around the car this time. You wouldn’t look at him when he opened the door, taking your arm again. He didn’t say anything as he walked you up the steps into the dark house. He flipped a switch on the wall, a dim hall light and a few others turning on. At the back of the house was an old kitchen, a few wooden chairs sat at a nearby table.

“Sit.” He let go of you, walking to the far side of the room. This was your one and only chance. You bolted out of the room, ripping open the back door. “Y/N!”

You yelped when arms caught you before you could even get off the back porch. Fuck, you thought he wouldn’t be that fast. But you still tried to get free, aware of someone shouting your name over and over.

“Y/N!” Jensen shouted, shaking you once. You blinked away wet tears as you stared up at him, pulse racing as you kept trying to get your wrists out of his steel grip. “Kiddo, stop. What is going on with you?”

“Just fucking do it already,” you breathed out with as much defiance as you could muster which wasn’t a whole lot. Your heart hurt, your body was coming off an adrenaline high and he was too fucking strong. It was all too fucking much.

“Tall munchkin, what are you talking about?” he asked. You jerked on your hands and fresh tears spilled over.

“Just hurt me already. That’s why you brought me out here, isn’t it? So get it over with.”

His face fell so fast you’d have sworn you told him someone had died. He closed his eyes as his grip on you eased, hands moving to your cheeks. He closed his eyes for a long beat, opening them slowly, wiping away your tears. “Oh, baby girl. Do you really think I could ever do that to you?”

You glanced away, body trembling as you fought back the wracking sobs your lungs that were desperate to escape. He kissed the top of your head, murmuring something you couldn’t make out over the pounding in your ears.

“What?” you whispered, eyes fixated on a tree a ways off in the darkness.

“I said it’s okay. I got you.” You glanced up at him, all the rage from before gone, a deep sadness replacing it. He smiled, thumbing away more tears that silently fell. “I’m sorry. I promised I’d keep you safe and I didn’t. You can hate me if that makes you feel better. God knows I hate myself.”

A single crackling heap of air that sounded like a pained cry left your lips, your hands so tight on his wrists you’d leave marks. “Y/N. I’m sorry for making you come back. We should have realized how much we hurt you. We understand if you can’t forgive us…can’t stand us.”

He closed his eyes, breathing hard a few beats. “I will not force you to stay with people you can’t stand. If you want…we can find you a new family…”

Finally he opened his eyes, wet green eyes meeting your own. “I need you to be okay and you’re not with us. I understand. It’s okay. We’ll find you somewhere you can be okay.”

“You’re getting rid of me?” you breathed out, his head shaking. “Yes, you are.”

“Look at yourself,” he said, dropping his hands, your own releasing him when he stepped back. He shrugged, shaking his head. “I was supposed to make your life better. I was supposed to protect you. I was supposed to take away the pain, not give you more. You deserve a better father than me.”

“Jensen-”

“You’re still scared of me!” He shouted, waving his hand up and down, wiping off his face with the back of his hand. “You thought I’d hit you? After all this time you still don’t trust me and I don’t blame you. I’m a fuck up that will keep fucking this up. I know you want a family but it doesn’t have to be us. I will find you better, somewhere you can forget about all of the bad homes. You can forget about us. You don’t have to hurt anymore.”

You shook your head, Jensen scoffing, looking over your head. “You ran away again. You keep telling Dee and I how much you don’t want this. We can’t keep doing this every day, Y/N. I won’t force you to be part of a family you don’t want. I shouldn’t have told you that you have to try. I’m sorry.”

You clenched your fists by your sides, blinking through tears that wouldn’t stop, trying to breath through your stuffed up nose and failing. “Y/N, I’m sorry-”

“Stop saying that!” You flung your arms out and pushed him back a step, hands hitting a solid wall of his chest.

“Y/N, you don’t want us-” You pushed him again, Jensen not moving this time. “Y/N! Stop-”

You turned and walked away, hands on your head as you bounded down the back steps.

“Y/N!” You spun around, Jensen a few feet behind you in the grassy yard, your heart breathing hard. “Y/N-”

“I LOVE YOU, YOU FUCKING MORON!” you screamed. He froze, face blank a moment as you looked up to the dark night sky. “I told the DA and the state I wouldn’t sue for all their fuck ups if when you decided to adopt me, the process would happen same day, no waiting. I picked you. I want you.”

“W-why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t Cole?” he asked. You put your back to him, eyes watching the stars above.

“Because I feel like I got stabbed in the heart yesterday and I’ll be bleeding out for the rest of my life. I don’t want adoption unless you want me.” You shuddered when fresh tears started, your throat feeling raw from the choked back sobs.

“But…you know we want you. You know that.” You nodded, feeling him behind you. “If you want us and we want you, what the fuck are we doing out here?”

“This might surprise you but I’m pretty fucked up,” you joked. You lowered your head, wrapping your arms around yourself in the cool night air. “No one’s ever loved me before. I’m so goddamn scared of being loved.”

“Why?” he asked quietly.

“Because what if you change your mind like all the others. There’s no more room inside of me for that and especially not from you.”

“What makes me so special?” he breathed out, resting his hands on your shoulders, tucking your head under his chin.

“I don’t know. I just know that it hurt a hell of a lot more to think you gave me back than to know my birth parents gave me up and I don’t fucking understand why. I’m so mean to you and Dee because if you hurt me like that for real, it’ll kill me. I want you but I’m so scared of that pain coming back. You are the ones that deserve better, not me.”

“And we screwed up so you don’t trust us the way you need to in order to get rid of that fear,” he said. You shook your head, shrugging away from him.

“Jensen,” you said, facing him, the breeze in the air drying your salty tear streaks against your cheeks. “I don’t blame you for not knowing the impossible. That case worker woman was vile. She fucked with me my whole time in foster care. I do not blame you and I hate that you hate yourself for what she did.”

“It doesn’t matter. My job is to protect you and I didn’t. It’s that simple.” You tilted your head, frowning at him. “If we’d stopped her that day we could have been there for you when you found out about her and your birth parents. You wouldn’t feel so alone right now.”

“Yes I would and you know it. Finding out about my birth parents was always going to make me question you and Dee and everything. That kind of pain…” Your gaze went down to your feet for a moment, trailing up to his face eventually. “I was never going to outrun it. It’s something I have to go through alone. You can help but that pain is mine and mine alone to fight through.”

“You shouldn’t ever know that level of pain. No one should,” he said softly. You nodded, the air quiet and still. “I need to let you be in pain I think is what you’re telling me.”

“I’m not looking forward to it either,” you said, closing your eyes. “I got so good at bottling crap up and it’s festering in there. I’ve been trying so hard to stay numb to it all.”

“That’s clearly been working out,” he teased, his foot steps crunching against the dry grass. Heavy arms wrapped around your back, your head dropping to his chest. “Last night you were in shock.”

“I know.”

“I think you have to let yourself feel it all, kiddo. You have to take it and mourn and let the pain in.” You shook your head, his hand dipping under your chin. You swallowed and met his gaze, his green eyes gentle. “You’re scared of being loved? Then let me love you through this. Let me prove that I love all those dark, ugly corners inside of you that you can’t stand. Let me show you I love the worst parts of you as much as the best. You can’t live with this fear and pain forever. So you fight through it and I’ll be by your side while you do. Can we try that?”

“Okay,” you whispered. You shuddered, his hand rubbing up and down your back. “We have a problem.”

“What?” he asked, pressure forming behind your eyes. You screwed your eyes shut to try and stop the wetness but it was coming, your skin prickled up, nerves tingling as the pit your stomach opened up.

“You said nice things and I don’t think I can wait until we get home to have a breakdown,” you whispered, a pang of hurt rippling across your chest. You grimaced, Jensen bending down and picking you up, arms and legs wrapping around him as you clung tight. You trembled, panic crawling through your veins.

They don’t love you. They don’t love you. They don’t love you. No one’s ever loved you.

“Hey, hey,” he said as you sat down inside on the floor of the kitchen against one of the walls. “Breathe for me, tall munchkin. Breathe.”

“W-why didn’t they want me?” you croaked. A large hand tucked you into the crook of his neck, his arms tight across your back and holding you to him. “Why’d they do that to me?”

“I don’t know, baby girl,” he said. You started babbling questions you knew he couldn’t answer, all the while he kept a lock tight grip to keep you close. It was hours later when the tears were long gone and your body exhausted when you finally stopped.

“Jensen,” you mumbled, wearily opening your eyes and met with the mess of his neck and shirt you’d made.

“Yes, sweetheart?” he whispered, head tilted against yours.

“Why do you love me?” you barely got out, throat like sandpaper. He was quiet, chest rising and falling slowly underneath you.

“Those people may have made you but you’re my daughter and I need no reason to love my daughter. All I know is I love her and I will for the rest of eternity so she better get fucking used to it.”

You turned your head up, Jensen lifting his with a tired smile. “How we doing, kiddo?”

“You kept your promise,” you whispered. “About protecting me. Trust me.”

“Okay, kiddo,” he said, your head falling back to his shoulder. “You want to go home?”

You nodded, Jensen grunting as he got his legs underneath himself and managed to stand with you still around him. You hummed your impressment, Jensen chuckling as he walked through the house and hit the switch on the way out.

“We’ll do this as many times as we need to, okay?” You closed your eyes and hummed again. “I’m sorry for scaring you earlier. I just didn’t want you to run off on me before we could talk.”

“S’okay,” you murmured. “Probably a good call.”

“Let’s get you home, sweetie.”

Thirty minutes later Jensen was carrying you inside, kicking off his shoes and pulling yours off your feet before turning the alarm on and turning off the downstairs lights. He didn’t veer left towards your room though. Instead he carried you into his room where Danneel sat in bed with a book and her phone. You wearily raised your head. It was two in the morning. Why wasn’t she asleep?

“M’sorry,” you got out, throat burning again, a wince crossing your face.

“I forgive you,” she said softly as she stood up, tucking your hair behind your ear as Jensen brought you to the bed. She kissed your forehead, sighing gently. “We can talk in the morning.”

“I love you,” you said when Jensen started to move. She smiled, running her hand over your head.

“I love you too,” she said, nodding towards the bed. Jensen set you down in the middle, Danneel pulling the covers over top of you.

Your head had barely hit the pillow before you were out like a light.

You woke up to the sound of a pan clattering somewhere. You looked around the unfamiliar space, quickly registering where exactly you were. The sun was up and a quick glance at the clock showed it was just after seven.

You slowly got out of bed and used the bathroom before leaving their bedroom. Danneel was washing a pan in the sink while Jensen sipped on a cup of coffee and tried to get the twins to eat their breakfast.

“Morning,” you squeaked out, hand going to your throat. You rubbed it, Danneel frowning at you.

“What are you doing up?”

“I have school in thirty minutes,” you said, Jensen shoving a glass of water in front of you that you happily chugged.

“We called school. You finished your exams last week they said and Cole already got you excused these last two days,” said Danneel. “You’re on summer vacation.”

You sat down at the counter and closed your eyes, the sound of a plate set in front of you. You opened them again, Jensen’s plate now yours. He eyed for you to eat and you were honestly still too tired to argue. It hurt a bit to swallow but you got your eggs down by the time Jensen was rushing the kids off to school and daycare.

“Go take a shower and change,” said Danneel, taking your mostly empty plate away.

“Dee.” You paused at the hallway to your room, hearing her stop working in the kitchen.

“Jensen told me about last night. We don’t have to rehash it.” You nodded, putting a hand on the wall. “We’d like to take you on a day trip today if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Where?” you asked.

“Galveston? Have you ever been?” You shook your head. “You’ve never seen the ocean?”

“We only went on one trip when I was a kid and that’s when my birth parents tried to abandon me in the woods.” You shrugged. “Maybe we should go in a few days after JJ graduates kindergarten.”

She smiled and shook her head. “We take lots of trips. We were supposed to go to Canada on your spring break, do you remember?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, we’ll go on that one in July when Jensen goes back to work. But today is a trip for us three, okay? The little ones can come another time.”

“Don’t they need-”

“They are taken care of. Now go wash up and pack a bag. We won’t be home until late.”

“What do I bring to the beach?” you asked. She smiled.

“Just go wash up. I’ll pack your things. Don’t worry.”

That Evening

You tilted your head back with a smile, enjoying the warm setting sun on your face as you leaned against the railing of the pier. The cool ocean breeze was a nice contrast to the last traces of heat in the day.

“I didn’t know teenagers were capable of spending the day with their parents for a day without combusting, let alone do it with a smile,” said Jensen beside you. You stuck out your tongue at him, Jensen throwing an arm over your cold shoulders. “Warm enough?”

“I’m a little chilly but I don’t want to leave yet,” you said.

“I will be right back then. Five minutes.” He left your side and headed towards a stand nearby, Danneel looping her arm through yours as she watched the waves with you.

“Did you have a good day?” she asked.

“Yeah.” You took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “But this isn’t real life. It’s a vacation. I can’t have your attention all the time.”

“Sweetie, you’re seventeen. I seriously doubt you want our attention all the time.”

“Good point,” you said. “But you and Jensen can’t focus on me. It’s not fair to the little guys.”

“Y/N. Jensen and I are the parents, not you. You will never be a parent to your siblings, understand? You just…be a big sister and you leave the making sure the kids are alright to me and Jay.”

“I’m not used to this. Being cared for. Getting a whole day for me,” you said, smiling when you saw a dolphin far out jump over the water.

“You’ll get used to it. This is just the start.” You nodded when she rested her head on your shoulder. “Someday you’ll struggle to remember what it was like not feeling loved. Just give us time to make it feel normal.”

“I just…feel like it’s a lot for just me. I didn’t do anything to deserve it.”

“Love isn’t a barter system. You just do things for the people you love because you love them. Like Jensen buying you an overpriced sweatshirt so you won’t be cold.” You smirked, her hand rubbing up and down your bare arm. “Trust me?”

“Okay,” you whispered, head turning when Jensen approached with a bright royal blue hoodie.

“Alright so I went with blue since I don’t think our daughter is a highlighter pink kind of girl.” You raised your eyebrows, Jensen chuckling as he tugged it on over your head. “Are you about to tell me I misread that?”

“Uh no, I want the blue over the pink for sure,” you said, tugging it down as he fixed the strings. “I just…you said our daughter.”

“I did. Daughter, daughter, daughter, daughter, daughter,” he said, kissing your forehead when you blushed. “I don’t know what to do with her, Dee. She clearly hates being called daughter.”

“Maybe we just keep saying it so our daughter gets used to it?” she asked, wrapping her arm around your waist.

“I think we definitely should for our daughter. What does our daughter think about that, daughter?” said Jensen with a big stupid smile.

“Jesus christ,” you said, rolling your eyes as you bit the inside of your cheek. His eyes lit up though, finger pointing at your face. “What?”

“Daughter smiled,” he grinned.

“I did not-”

“Don’t lie, daughter,” said Dee, Jensen putting you in a headlock when you groaned. “Aw, she’s annoyed with us.”

“Just like a normal family,” he said. You groaned again. “Come on, let’s go find some ice cream around here.”

“There’s a place back that way with a red and white awning,” said a voice in passing. You turned your head to find a guy about your age standing there, a couple guys that looked like his friends walking on ahead of him.

“Well thank you,” said Jensen, trying to walk away with you but you were still looking at this guy with short, fluffy black hair and a UT Austin hoodie.

“Hi,” he said with a smile as you realized he’d been talking to you the whole time.

“Hi,” you said, pushing Jensen’s arm off of you, taking a step closer to him. “Do you go to Austin?”

He glanced down and laughed. “Oh no. I’m going into my senior year of high school. I did a college tour over there last month. They’re my first choice.”

“Same. I want to do their architecture program if I can get in,” you said, the guys eyes lighting up even more.

“Small world. I’m applying for architecture too,” he said, the guys friends coming back, someone whispering something in his ear that had him trying to wave them off.

“Well hopefully we both get in,” you said, stepping closer and holding out your hand. “Can I have your phone?”

He fumbled with it in his pocket for a second before pulling it out. You texted yourself from his phone and handed it back, his shy smile growing by the second. “Text me sometime. We can vent about the application process.”

“S-sure,” he said, taking the phone back. You clasped your hands behind your back, not even a little upset about the weird little flip flops your stomach was doing. “I’ll see you around.”

“I hope so,” you said. “I’m Y/N.”

“TJ,” he said, walking backwards with that stupid grin.

“See you around campus, TJ.”

“You too, Y/N,” he said as you spun around, giving him a little wave behind your back. You walked past Jensen and Dee, humming to yourself.

“Did you see the way they were looking at each other?” whispered Dee.

“Yes,” mumbled Jensen.

“The way she lit up-”

“Yes.”

“Did that remind you of anyone in particular, Jensen?” she said, a smile in her voice.

“Yes,” he sighed. You glanced over your shoulder, raising your eyebrow at them. “She thinks you just met your soulmate.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Yeah, right. Sure I did.”

“Jesus christ, she’s going to marry that fucking kid,” said Jensen. You rolled your eyes. “If you saw your face, you’d think so to.”

“He was hot, doesn’t mean anything,” you said, Dee smirking up at Jensen. “Guys.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s go find some ice cream.”

It was after midnight when you got home and into bed. The bridge of your nose was sunburnt and you were pretty sure you still smelled like the ocean despite a shower. But it was a good day.

“Hey,” said Jensen, knocking on the doorframe to your room as you climbed under the covers. “Need anything?”

“I’m good,” you said, Jensen setting a glass of water down on your nightstand. “Thanks.”

“You were in the sun a lot today. Drink that before you sleep,” he said, ruffling your hair. You closed your eyes and nodded, flashing them open when he moved away.

“Why’d you and Dee tease me about that guy today?” you asked. He looked worried and you shook your head. “It’s okay. I know I’ve never talked about boys before with you guys but like, I’ve had a boyfriend before. For like a month but still.”

He smiled and sat on the edge of the bed, taking your hand in his, thumbing over the sleeve of your new hoodie. “Because for a solid minute there, honey, you weren’t just happy. You were…lighter. We’ve never seen you like that before. You were so forward with him and flirting and that is what I want you to feel with your partner everyday when you are ready for that. It’s very hard to explain that it seemed different than you just thinking a guy was hot. Does that make sense?”

You nodded, putting your free hand on your stomach. “I had butterflies but I’ve had those before. I just…it’s really hard to believe in the idea of soulmates. I want to, you know? The idea that there’s someone out there that’s yours and will love you forever is nice but…I find it hard to believe some guy could ever love me. I mean, you know me. What boy will put up with me questioning them if they love me? I’ll be one of those weird clingy girls and guys don’t like that.”

“Your other half will be your safe place and will love to be that for you. He will love to tell you how much he loves you and he will be so good at it, you won’t doubt him. That is the man you will marry. You will never settle for any other man than one that loves you and you will know, tall munchkin. You’ll know who he is when you meet him.”

“How do you know, though?” You asked. Jensen chuckled.

“I’m going to let you figure that one out for yourself when you’re older,” he said, leaning in. “But do text that boy first when you’re ready. If he’s anything like me, he’ls going to need you to make the first move.”

“You think I’m that brave?” you scoffed. “Me?”

“Kid, you literally pushed me away to go talk to some random boy. I don’t know what that was but that boy is meant to be somebody in your life,” he said, giving your hand a squeeze. “Do me a favor though. Focus on you first for awhile, not boyfriends. Deal?”

“Deal.” He got up, pausing when he watched you part your lips.

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Thanks, for today. I’ve never built a sandcastle or been on a jet ski or eaten seafood or just…had a day like that.”

“You’ll have more like it, promise. Get some sleep now.”

“I…” you said before he could leave, Jensen cocking his head down. “There’s a part of me that’s still scared, that I don’t fit here. I know I shouldn’t but I might…I might still…I don’t want to be a brat again. I don’t. But I’m scared I’ll wake up tomorrow and you'll change your mind.”

“Y/N.” He looked down, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Dee and I called Cole this morning to start the process for you to be adopted. By the end of the week we should be in front of a judge and make it official.”

“You want to…” He nodded. “Why now?”

“We always wanted you. The paperwork has been filled out since the first day we met you.” Your eyes went wide, Jensen sighing. “We wanted adoption to be the last step after you knew we loved you and we knew you loved us. It wasn’t supposed to be a bandaid to get you there. We know you’re shaky still because of your birth parents and there’s fresh scars there we have to work through. But I know you. I know you want us and we want you. So let’s make you ours and we’ll work on healing those new scars.”

“I-I’m getting adopted this week?” you asked, Jensen smiling.

“JJ graduates on Wednesday and we’re having a party for her afterwards. Is Friday too far away?” You shook your head. “We’ll go to the store tomorrow, find you a dress or whatever you want to wear for it.”

“Okay,” you whispered. He ran his hand over your head, leaning down to kiss the top of it. You pressed your hands to your eyes, trying to stop the pressure behind them trying to build.

“You do want this, don’t you?” he asked. You nodded, feeling the air shift. Your hands were gently pulled away, Jensen kneeling before you. “Hey. You never have to hide your tears from me.”

“It just doesn’t feel real. Good things don’t happen to me.” He held your hands, trying to hide his worry. “Are you really sure?”

“We lost you once. We’re not losing you again. End of story.” You closed your eyes, smiling as he pulled you into a hug. “And to be clear, you keep calling me and Dee whatever you want to. You do not have to call us mom and dad. Ever. Okay?”

“You worry too much,” you whispered, hugging him hard. He let out a huff, chuckling through it. “I wish I was born here.”

“Me too. I would have loved to teach you so much.” You laughed, leaning back to catch his curious eyes.

“There’s still things you can…like maybe tomorrow you can show me how to ride a bike?” you asked. His eyes lit up at that information. “I know I should know by now but no one…I realized the assholes didn’t teach me a lot-”

“We will teach you everything you want to know,” he said, getting to his feet and kissing your forehead. “Starting with the bike tomorrow. Now drink your water and I want you to sleep in tomorrow. You haven’t had a good night’s sleep in months.”

“Jensen,” you said as you scooted back against the pillows and he grabbed your blanket from the chair in the corner to toss over you. “I swear I’ll never run away again. I’m sorry. You and Dee need to have a good night’s sleep too.”

“I trust you, tall munchkin.” He pointed at the glass and you took a big chug, Jensen humming. “Come get us if you need anything.”

“Goodnight,” you said, setting the glass aside and laying down.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

Friday Night

Jensen stood up from his seat around the table on the back porch where most of the family was congregated. “Alright. I’m going to go get the firepit started. Y/N, come watch and learn.”

You shoveled down the rest of your cake and wiped off your hands as you trotted down the stairs after him. “Are you sure this is about the firepit and not giving me some kind of present? Cause you’ve been trying to get me alone for like, an hour.”

“We already got you presents. The new bike for my incredible prodigy-”

“Am I prodigy if we spent thirty minutes watching youtube videos first?” He ignored you, tossing his arm over your shoulder as you walked across the grass towards the back patio deck in the corner.

“You already got your presents for the day,” he said.

“Yeah, stuff I didn’t ask for in the first place. Having…this is more than enough,” you said, gesturing towards him and back at the house.

“I know. It actually makes it incredibly difficult to find gifts for you,” he teased, letting you go when you got to the pit. He flicked the pocket of your galveston hoodie you wore, your head darting down at the thwacking sound. “Hm. Sound like something’s in there.”

“Did you just reverse pick-pocket me?” you said, reaching inside and pulling out an envelope.

“Why don’t you go take a seat and read that while I get the fire going?” he said, pointing to a far off chair. You raised and eyebrow but left him, instead choosing to hop up on top of the railing. “Y/N.”

“Yeah?” you asked, tearing it open.

“There’s some things in there that are different now but the message is the same. Remember that.”

“Okay…” you said, taking out the sheets, pausing when you saw the date in the top corner. “This is from the first day I was ever here, last December.”

“I might have written that awhile ago.” You stared at him, Jensen tilting his head. “You read that and we never have to talk about it again and when you’re ready, we’ll invite everybody down here, alright?”

“What is this?” you asked, spotting an 18 on the envelope.

“I…write letters to my children…for their big life events…some I’ve already written, some I haven’t yet. That was supposed to be your letter for your eighteenth birthday. I always thought with how long adoption takes…it’d be around that time when we had been able to do that for you. Today felt fitting for it.” He put his back to you and started to fiddle with a switch on the stone wall, flames coming up from the gas fire pit. He simply stood there, watching it, ignoring your stares.

After a moment you straightened out the papers and started to read.

Hi kiddo. So today’s your first day here. It’s getting pretty late. I just checked and you’re passed out in your room. I’m taking that as a good sign. I know today was stressful for you, stressful for all of us. It certainly hasn’t turned out like I expected. I never expected you to be any sort of way really. But you kind of broke my heart earlier. It’s alright. It’s part of being a dad. It’s nothing you even did. I see how afraid you are, how closed off you are. You told me not to bother with you.

Y/N, you’re out of your fucking mind if you think for one second I’m not going to fight every single day to prove you wrong. You are worth a family, sweetie. You are so worth it. Dee and I talked about you quite a bit after you went to bed. We’re going to adopt the shit out of you someday. Hopefully by the time you get this, we already have or at least you know we’re going to.

I don’t need that piece of paper to know how I feel. We’ll get it someday, I promise you that. But I don’t need it. I don’t need a piece of paper to call you my daughter.

I know you’re probably thinking, Jensen, you’re nuts. You barely knew me for five hours! How did you know you wanted to adopt me?

Well, Y/N, here’s the thing. Before I opened that front door today, I didn’t. I wanted desperately for you to be part of this family. I certainly never expected to know right away. You know, I’ve only known I loved someone unconditionally like that three other times in my life. You may know them as your siblings. Even with Dee, I fell hard for her but not so fast.

It scares the shit out of me to be honest. You’ll learn in time that while I’m big and tall and strong, I’m a wimp when it comes to this stuff. I got a lot of friends, but there’s only a few I let in close like that. I get scared of getting hurt too. I’m shy and quiet unless I feel comfortable around whoever I’m with. I force myself to not be like that around people sometimes but I don’t have to force a thing with you. So yeah, it’s only been a little while. I know we got a lot ahead of us to deal with.

I know I love you too, kiddo. I’m not your birth dad. I didn’t teach you to ride a bike or swing a baseball bat or take you to your first day of school.

But you’re my daughter and I’ll never give a damn that we don’t share blood or the fact I didn’t make you. You’re ours and we’re yours and no one will ever tell me otherwise.

I’ll always be your dad, no matter how big you get. You lost a lot of opportunities to be a kid. I know that and I wish I could give them back. But I’ll do what I can. You can be embarrassed of me or think I’m a dork. That’s okay. I want to give you as much as possible.

Just because you’re growing up doesn’t mean any of that will ever stop either. I will still be dad and still ask you to let me know you got home safe when you’re my age so get used to it. I know it’ll only have been about a year. I know it won’t be perfect. I know we’ll have had hard days by now and we’ll keep having them.

But as long as you’re safe, as long as you’re happy, as long as you give us a chance, that’ll be more than enough for me. You’re strong, Y/N. I am proud of you for how amazing you’ve done in life all on your own. Maybe it seems stupid to you but I am proud. You were your own parent and I’m sorry. No one should have to raise themselves. But you did a damn good job of it. Let us take over from here. You rest and be a kid again.

Allow yourself to feel loved again, honey. We won’t hurt you. We never will.

By the time you see this, I hope you know all of this already. I hope none of this comes as a surprise. We love you. I love you. I think you know we’re different already. I saw it tonight when I told you I was going to prove you wrong. No one’s cared about you like that in a long time.

Your parents care. Cole cares. We care. There’s going to be even more people that come into your life that care about you. I’m so very honored to get to be one of them. It won’t be easy. But that’s okay. I will never stop showing you that you are worth every bit of love you get around here and beyond it.

I love you.

Also, you snore a little and that’s so flippin’ adorable.

I don’t know how to end this so welcome home, Y/N and Happy 18th Birthday, kiddo.

Love,

Dad

You wiped off your face with your sleeve, a shaky breath escaping your lips. Carefully, you tucked the letter back into the envelope, holding it against your chest.

“Why didn’t you give me this sooner?” you whispered. You heard the deck creak behind you.

“You wouldn’t have believed me.” You closed your eyes, chest tight.

“Sunday night…you said you’d find me another family if that’s what I wanted. Even when you loved me all this time.”

“When you love someone, really love them, all you want is for them to be happy. I’d do anything to make you happy, kiddo, even if it hurts me. That’s what parents do.”

You tucked the envelope into the kangaroo pocket of your hoodie, slowly wrapping your arms around yourself.

“I don’t want you to feel bad about Sunday. We don’t have to talk about that letter ever again either. All I wanted to do was give you a reminder for when I’m not around that we love you so damn much.”

Your bottom lip wobbled as your eyes opened, glancing right to find him at your side. Warm green eyes met yours, his smile soft. He wiped your cheeks with the cuff of his shirt sleeve, turning your head when you tried to shy away. “Hey. Look at me.”

You looked up, soft fleece touching under your eyes and then dabbing over your wet lashes. You blinked a few times, swallowing thickly. All he did was smile though. “Why are you washing my face?”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve wiped away one of my kids tears and it won’t be the last.”

“But why me? I’m not a little kid,” you whispered. He cocked his head, swiping down your neck before cupping your cheek.

“Because you’ll always be my kid and dad’s take care of their kids. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I promise.” You nodded, his hand dropping. “I’m sorry about the letter-”

“No.” You placed your hands over the pocket, the envelope crinkling. “I loved it.”

“It made you cry.”

“They weren’t sad tears,” you whispered. He took a moment to clear his throat, leaning against the railing. He lowered his head, breathing deeply. “Will you write me more letters?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, turning to you with a smile. “I’ll write you more letters. I just thought you didn’t like the way I ended it.”

“I don’t snore,” you said, getting a laugh out of him. “I don’t.”

“Yes you do but they’re tiny baby snores. It’s cute,” he said, looking down again. “I meant the dad thing.”

“You call yourself that all the time.” He sighed, straightening up.

“I know. But that’s not a title I’ve earned with you. I just…” he closed his eyes, shoulders tensing.

“That was my favorite part.” He turned slowly, blinking his eyes rapidly. You shrugged, a small whisper of a smile forming on your lips. “Why the hell wouldn’t I love when you tell me you love me?”

“I can love you as Jensen. You never, ever, have to call me anything other than that and it doesn’t change a thing about how I feel about you.”

You nodded, looking out at the dark river beyond. The air was quiet, Jensen still, at ease next to you.

“We should invite everyone down here before they wonder what the hell’s going on,” you said. You felt him start to turn, your hand catching his arm. He looked down at it before finding your face. You smiled, taking a deep breath. “Can you bring down stuff for smores?”

“I can do that,” he said, getting a half step away.

“Dad,” you said, glancing over your shoulder, his whole body freezing. He spun around, surprise written all over his face. You grinned wider, tilting your head at him. “Don’t forget the napkins this time.”

“Right. Napkins.” He blinked a few times, glancing at the house and then you. “Are you sure-”

“Dad. Don’t make a big deal out of it.” He held up his hands. “I’m serious.”

“Alright. Smores coming right up.”

You woke up early the next day, padding down the hall and finding Jensen and Danneel sitting on the covered back porch with mugs of coffee in front of them. With a yawn, you saw him wave you over and grumbled. You’d taken to drinking coffee the past few months when you started working so much and had developed a craving for it in the mornings.

“Morning,” you mumbled, taking a seat at the table and stealing the closest cup to you. You took a big, slow gulp, humming to yourself.

“I need that more than you do,” said Jensen, taking the mug back, taking a drink. “Sleep okay?”

You nodded, rubbing your eye when Danneel leaned over and gave you a side hug. “Can we be normal again guys? I get yesterday was a big deal but I just want to go back to being Y/N.”

“We’re huggers,” he said as she squeezed tighter. “Speaking of which, we have one last present for you, from my parents. They asked us to give it to you privately. Don’t worry, you’ll like it.”

You raised an eyebrow, Danneel releasing you only to reach across the table and tug over a blue bag. “Go on.”

With a roll of your eyes, you reached in the bag and pulled out a picture frame. Turning it over, you saw a slightly grainy image of you as a toddler, maybe three years old at most. Except the other person in the picture, the person who’s hip you were sat on as you clung your tiny arms around their neck, was a young Jensen of all people.

You snapped your eyes over to him, a silly look on his face. “What is this?”

“When Jensen was in his twenties, they went on a family trip to disney world,” said Dee, hugging your side again. “When he was at the airport, there was a lost little girl and he helped her. Do you remember that at all?”

You titled your head, staring at him, eyes widening briefly. “You? T-That was you?”

“My mom was going through some old home movies and found footage from when that happened a while ago. She only told me last night and gave me a picture like that too. She thinks it’s a sign.”

“It is a sign,” said Danneel, your gaze going back to the picture. “You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

“Y/N, if I had somehow known back then what your future was…” You nodded, offering him a smile. “I wish I’d known and could have been there for you.”

“S’okay,” you said quietly, smirking at the picture. “Like mom said, I’m where I’m supposed to be now.”

“Exactly,” she said, your arms wrapping around her waist as she hugged you tight. You felt another pair of arms wrap around you both and squeeze. “So, did you text that boy from the pier yet?”

“Uh, actually yeah,” you said, heat creeping into your face. “He’s from Dallas. He seems nice.”

Thankfully they dropped it when there was a crash in the house and JJ came rushing over, covered in milk. Dee sighed and scooped her up, you and Jensen following behind to clean up the floor.

“Y/N,” he said as you used a roll of paper towels to soak up the half gallon splashed across the floor. You hummed, glancing up when you noticed he’d stopped cleaning. “I’m going to say this once and only once because I trust you. The person you end up with, make sure they’re a good one. I don’t want you to end up with an asshole who only tells you what you want to hear.”

“I won’t. I’ve got a pretty good example of how the guy I end up with should treat me.” You continued to clean up, shaking your head. “Besides, there’s no way that I end up with that TJ guy. Like zero chance.”

“That why you keep staring at your phone with a stupid smile on your face whenever you get a text?” You growled, Jensen chuckling. “Oh come on, I can’t tease you about boys? This is too much fun for me.”

“Dad,” you groaned. He only beamed though, smiling as you rolled your eyes. “You’re such a dork.”

“Yup. Just remember you picked us dorks.” You glanced over at him, a tiny sliver of a smile coming through. “Too late to change your mind now.”

“You’re alright for an old guy,” you teased.

“Just alright?” he asked. You shrugged.

“Maybe a little more than alright,” you said, getting a head ruffle, stilling when you realized he’d just gotten milk all in your hair. “Dude! Gross!”

“I love you too, kiddo.”

__________

A/N: Let me know what you thought of this part with a comment or reblog as I'm very interested!

#supernatural #spn #Jensen ackles #Jensen ackles x foster daughter!reader #Jensen ackles x daughter!reader #Jensen ackles au #jensen ackles fanfic #jensen ackles fanfiction

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alreadyblondenow · 1 year ago

Text

▸ Assassin Jaehyun x Assassin Female reader ▸ Smut, Smut, Smut, Fluff, Angst, Gore, MATURE ▸ JAEHYUN SMUT SERIES: FUCK, MARRY, KILL ▸ VOLUME I: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3

Summary: The start of a new life. Training to be an assassin and a chance to experience true love. The son of the leader of the Jeong clan fell in love with you while you two live your lives as assassins. He promised a quiet life, but when things went south. You decided to leave Jaehyun… and hide your daughter from him.

VOLUME I: PART 1 WORD COUNT: 7,889k

Warnings: THIS FIC IS FICTION ONLY, Smut, smut, smut, MATURE THEMES, Heavy description of killings because most of the characters are assassins, mentions of blood, character death, A LOT OF NCT MEMBERS WILL D WORD IN THIS FIC, unprotected sex, mentions of condoms, mentions of pill, pregnancy, swearing, mentions of alcohol. Mentions of being an orphan, Not everything is proofread, apologies again. I hope I did not forget anything.

A/N: I will cut VOLUME I into three parts, just because 20k word count is not acceptable in one post hahaha. I'm sorry :( I will try to put warnings on every part of the story that has gory details. This will still focus on the love story but still I wanted to write again so this may be long. I hope everyone will enjoy every word of VOLUME I.

Too good to be true

When you singlehandedly ruined your life it’s a given fact that you became desperate to saving yourself especially when you know that no one else got your back. No family, no friends, it’s just you and your shadow. You’re an orphan who’s friendless, no one would take you and on top of that …. You’re fully capable of hurting people. That’s why everyone is scared of you.

“The orphanage… cannot handle you anymore. You’re a good person y/n, you cause trouble because bullies won’t leave you alone… but you’re becoming… too dangerous. I’m sorry- it’s the Jeongs or the slums.” The head of the orphanage explains to you with sorry eyes.

The Jeongs… Who are they? Am I finally getting adopted? You thought alone as you fix your things, preparing to leave first thing in the morning. Why does it have to be so rushed? Are they really excited to meet me?

The next day, you were picked up by a tall man. A big, buff and tall man named Chanyeol. He looked sharp in his suit, he immediately explained that he will drive you to the Jeong’s residence and also explained your purpose there from now on. And that’s where your fantasies about having a family disappears. “You are adopted by the Jeongs to be one of their assasins. To kill for them” The words from that guy Chanyeol’s mouth sounded unreal, you wanted to ask if he’s just scaring you and if he’s joking. Apparently not.

The Jeong’s residence was big. It’s like a paradise. It looks peaceful because it has a very green garden, big trees, flowers here and there, and nice staffs that wore black their entire life working for the Jeongs. There were three other guys arrived after you. They all look alone too and lost, and you figured they all came in different countries.

“Taeyong, Yuta and Mark. This is Y/n,” a woman in black introduced them to you, they all said hi but you can see right through them… they all have this wall around them as if any time the people here are going to kill them any second. “From now on the five of you will be a team and will work with the Jeongs” she added. “Five? There’s only four of us here” Mark said, he’s the youngest.

“You will meet the fifth member tomorrow before you training starts…”

By the time she took you guys for a quick tour around the residence, your world became quiet as if you’re not interested anymore. You just want to rest and start what you need to do in this place.

It feels good huh? You said to yourself as you stare in the mirror of your own bathroom. It feels good to finally know your purpose in life. The Jeongs gave you shelter, comfortable clothes that are all black but all new and nice, your own room with all the things you need… they even gave you a makeup kit. And you wonder whats that for.

There were only 5 things they want you to remember. In exchange for the Jeong’s goodness, you need to:

Train to be an assassin everyday.

Only one Holiday outside.

Don’t make friends outside. We are your friends and family now.

Look out for each other.

Earn your freedom. That means after your years of service, you will of course have your freedom.

The terms were simple and you can only hope that killing someone is as simple as these rules too.

Everything is too good to be true.

Until now, you can’t believe that you’re lucky to have this kind of family now.

“So when are we going to meet the fifth member?” Taeyong asked, the oldest. He has a cold impression, scary but very handsome.

“I’m here. Sorry- my sister and mother is very dramatic. They were having a hard time letting me go. By the way, I’m Jaehyun!” he said with a big smile in his face. He is the first person in this place who actually lit up the entire room with just a smile.

He’s very handsome. Almost as if you were looking at a saint, you thought.

“You look lost,” Yuta said, the Japanese guy who looked tough. “The four of us looked so lost when we arrived, but we all felt that we belonged here… but you, I believe you’re out of place. You don’t belong here you’re too happy”

“I’m not happy. I’m just as miserable as you are, I just don’t show it” Jaehyun said with a cocky smile.

“Oh come on! It’s our first day together, what is up with this tension?” Mark tried to stop Jaehyun and Yuta from fighting, but Yuta knows the truth already.

“This guy right here is the only son of Mr. and Mrs. Jeong. The next in line to be the next great Jeong” Yuta said with a smirk, mocking Jaehyun’s last name. And this time, he is getting on Jaehyun’s nerves already… but Jaehyun knew better than cause trouble. He calmed himself down and did not let his anger get him.

Everyone in the room completely understood what’s happening here. He is the son or Mr. Jeong, Jeong Yoonoh, but they call him Jaehyun. He is next in line after Mr. Jeong, the one and only son and is expected to take the family business when the time comes.

A typical plot, everyone thought. But training your one and only son to be a monster is a different kind of brutality. You can only imagine what kind of struggles he’s carrying.

“On behalf of my parents, and family, I would like to apologies for them” he bowed in front of everyone sincerely, “I will start training with you guys but that doesn’t mean I am not grateful to sacrificing your lives for our clan. Thank you” after that, he walked towards Yuta whispered beside his shoulder,

“Don’t you think it’s fucked up? That my father sent me here- his only son. You don’t know me” Jaehyun said sternly that made Yuta shut up.

The room became quiet and as the first instructor enters, giving Jaehyun and Yuta a good punch before everything starts.

And that is the start of your life here as an assassin.

You’re adopted to be an assassin. You’re going to grow old here.

The past few weeks was easy. You had the opportunity to know your colleagues, all four of them. Finally, people you can call family you thought. It’s part of your training to treat each and everyone as family because by the time you guys are sent for a mission, no one can be left behind. In other words, each and everyone of you should be capable of saving each other.

Eventually, Jaehyun and Yuta became friends. Good friends.

Months have passed and this was the beginning of every struggle. It has been heavy and hard. The training was harder. Everyone is bleeding but everyone grew stronger without you guys noticing.

After a years of training, you became good with guns and became a good fighter as well. Theres nothing much of your story… yet. But you are loving this new life that the Jeongs have given to you.

Jaehyun is good at everything. He was expected to do so. If not, his father will give him a hard time. During the training everyone could see the pressure that he carries everyday. The constant reminder of “I have to be great at this part,” you can basically see it in his face.

Yuta became a swordsman, and is actually good with everything sharp. Eventually, you guys knew his story. That his family, The Nakamoto clan is in huge debt of the Jeongs, and he came in here voluntarily for the honor of his family. Obviously, besides Jaehyun, he’s the only person who has a family.

Taeyong became the leader and can turn everything into a weapon. Everyone was quite expecting this already, aside from weapons Taeyong is good at strategizing… planning and organizing everything for everyone not to get killed.

Mark, became really good at technology. He can hack every system. Unfortunately, because he’s the youngest, he’s not allowed to do the dirty job, only the techie stuff. Which he loves doing.

Everyone matured in their own way, Chanyeol even got married. But even though time flies so fast they haven’t sent anyone of you to kill somebody yet.

It was a scary thought. Everyday you wake up thinking, “Is this the day?”. Is this going to be the day that you will kill for the first time in your life? Its not that you kill innocent people, the people that you’re about to kill in the future probably deserves it. At least thats what you’re told.

You thought that accepting the reality of what you’re doing is the hardest thing but no. “Wait until your first kill. It’s like your first love, you will never forget it” Chanyeol said during one of his lectures.

But by the time everyone had their first kill already, everyone became unstoppable.

They started training you at the age of 19 and watched you grow to be a young assassin at the age of 24. You grew up ruthless, crazy, and merciless. You have your own way of killing the people you need to kill, you do it fast, but whenever you want to play, you watch their souls leave their eyes. You even became Jaehyun’s father his favorite assassin because you could be anything and you could kill anyone.

“You could be a perfect Jeong,” Jaehyun joked while you two are sharpening knives that you both used from training earlier. You watch him in front of you and you cant help but notice, he really is handsome but Jaehyun is not only handsome because of his look. Maybe… he’s handsome in you’re eyes because he’s actually nice, he’s nice at the staffs here, he’s nice to you, heck… he takes care of you. He grew up well despite the dangerous environment he’s already in.

“I don’t want to be a Jeong- I’m not perfect,” you said while you work with a knife.

“You’re perfect in my eyes and in my father’s eyes,” he replied.

By this time you just wanted to shut him up and make him stop. Quite annoying actually. “So what, you want to be siblings with me? You have sisters aren’t they enough? or you want someone who kills people for a living as your sister?”

“Nope. What I meant was marry me someday,” He bravely said.

There was silence between you two, awkwardness. Jaehyun really saw the ugly truth that it’s not yet time to confess his feeling to you. Not this way, but well, at least he tried.

“I’m just kidding” he added to take away the awkwardness, “Dinner is almost ready, don’t be late okay?”

There’s nothing in the world you hate the most than going on a mission alone. You’ve always done missions alone though, but whenever it gets too long to finish, you miss home a little too much as days go by.

New York is always busy. It never gave you the calm feeling that you’ve been yearning for.

Again, Its lonely when you do missions away from home. It’s the kind of mission where you have to be patient and plan your kill silently, and without trace. The one that you have to plan oh so carefully because you have to make it look like an accident. And because it’s frustrating you, you’re now looking at a beautiful sunset, breathing in and out, on this busy park. Feeling the cold breeze of today, feeling it kiss your face, it’s almost Christmas you tell yourself and shook your head immediately because you just missed home even more.

Another thing you hate about being lonely, is that you kept thinking about the blurry future. The one that was promised after years of service, your freedom. You can’t help but think about hows it like to have a normal life, quiet mornings, experiencing love, experiencing heartbreak, new beginnings and discover opportunities.

It was calm but at the same time, noisy for a moment, until you received a call from an unknown number. Little did you know, this phone call will change your life.

“Hello?” You wait for the person on the other line to talk.

“Well, you look lonely. What’s bothering you?”

Of course you knew that voice. The voice that gave you a smile tonight, and has been making you smile ever since you two met.

“You could ruin both of our missions-“ you giggle through the phone but Jaehyun was beside you already and pulled you in for a warm hug.

“Why are you dressed so thin?” He said, looking fine as ever while he talks to you. He was all red, his nose, his ears, he looked like he’s really freezing but he did not hesitate to give you his coat.

“I didn’t know that we were on the exact same location” you said as you swing your arms around his and stay close to him. Motioning him to walk with you.

“I didn’t know it either but, Mark told me that we were. He also said that you’ve been home sick lately”

“Yeah. I’ve been- it’s frustrating me Jae. I can’t shake him up and point him towards my trap”

“Patience. Just be patient,” he smiles.

The night went on beautifully. Jaehyun took you to dinner, had couple of drinks, walked around town, took pictures together like you’re on vacation, you two were playing around, making alibis, wondering if anyone from your missions pass by and recognize any of you. It will ruin both your covers, and what you two are doing right now is dangerous.

While you two are walking towards your apartment, you asked Jaehyun, “Have you ever had a girlfriend before?”

“Nope. Nothing real. It’s all for the mission, I guess. Been with a couple of girls, all part of the mission” Jaehyun answers.

“Me too. Sometimes when I’m with someone, I can’t help but think what’s it like to have the real thing”

And that gave Jaehyun a stupid idea. A stupid idea to make use of your time together here in Nee York.

It’s a beautiful time.

A beautiful time to be together.

If he couldn’t admit his feelings to you, he will drive you towards love instead and make you love him.

“Thank you for tonight Jae, I really needed it” you reached out for his hand and gave it a good squeeze before pulling him in for a hug before you go inside.

“Hey can I visit you again tomorrow?” Jaehyun asks, with a smile.

“Of course. Good night Jae,” you said sweetly.

As promised, Jaehyun visited you the next day, and the day after that, and the following days.

Your friendship bloomed beautifully but it was pretty obvious that it wasn’t just friendship this time. You’re not stupid, you didn't miss how he puts his arm around your waist and keep you close whenever the place gets too crowded. Like that time while you two rode the subway together, he kept you close and made you feel safe.. as if you’re not capable of saving yourself.

He made you feel like you can depend on him. He made you feel like he’s your man.

But most importantly, you can see that Jaehyun has been putting the work for the both of you.

He has been doing the things he likes with you, while you do the things you like with him. It was beautiful you thought.

You’ve always wanted to hug someone in the morning and tell them good morning.

You’ve always wanted to make coffee for someone, not because you have to, but because you actually want to.

You’ve always wanted to have quiet moments while you read a book, and just enjoy a good day quietly… with your someone. With Jaehyun, it was always calm and warm.

Like this afternoon.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Jaehyun asks while playing with your hair. You on the other hand is feeling very comfortable laying your head in his lap.

“I love the time we spent together… I can’t help but think of the day we finally get to go home… are we going to be close like this?”

“You’re thinking too much—“

“Yeah you’re right I’m thinking too much,” you got up quickly from your comfort because it pissed you off. How can he disregard what you just said to him… it was basically a confession.

But just before you walk away from him, he was quick to grab your hand, and made him face you.

The tension between you two was intensifying. He’s never touched you like this or be close like this.

Then he finally kissed you.

After years of yearning, patience and stopping himself from confessing. He finally did it.

It was a beautiful afternoon. A beautiful afternoon to kiss and confess each other’s feelings through the way you kiss each other, the way your hands roam around, and the way sweet words just comes out from your mouths naturally.

He motioned you towards your shared room, hands carefully undress each other in between giggling and whispering.

It all felt right at the moment.

His hands are warm when it roams around your skin, it feels like you’re burning in want when his fingers first glide on your wet slit while his mouth is busy kissing your neck and whispering the things you should do. Like, ‘open your legs more,— thats more I like it’, ‘do you want cum already or should I do more?’ ‘Calm down, you look like you’re about to cum’ ‘I want to hear my name’

And in between those lustful moment, he kisses you sweetly, as if he’s telling you ‘please’

When he saw that you’re already soaking, his kisses went down along your body, kissing and licking your boobs, taking his time to turn you on again and again, until he reaches your pussy and did not waited a second to kiss it and spread your pussy lips. Working with his fingers, up and down and taking turns with his mouth. Time seems to be slowing down at the moment while you arch your back and unintentionally grip Jaehyun’s hair while you enjoy every second of his what his mouth, lips, tongue and fingers could do to you.

Until you reach your first high and asked for more.

He reached for your hand and made you pump his cock, “ready?” He asks, you just nod sweetly and reached for his face to kiss him hungrily.

It didn’t hurt that much but there was a good stretch. He was big after all, and his rawness felt so good around your walls you can’t get enough of it.

He thrusted slowly, kissing you while he focuses on making you feel good, careful not to hurt you.

“Fuck- you fuck so good,” with heavy breaths that compliment came out of nowhere he just kissed your neck to respond to that. “Are you really this good at everything Jaehyun?” You added, swinging your arms around his body, touching every part of him which he loves. You touch his body while he looks at you eye to eye, you put one finger in his mouth and it was just another paradise.

When you feel him asking for more. You comply to what he wanted to do. He flipped you on your stomach and licked your entrance before you feel him kiss your back which made you weak and land face first on the mattress. Little did you know, it was just his way to get you on his favorite sex position.

Now your on all fours, face on the mattress while Jaehyun thrusts on your pussy slowly. You can feel his hands rest on your ass, giving a slight smack whenever you try to put it down, but he was also quick to replace it with a kiss before going back to business.

“You don’t know how many times I imagined doing this to you,” he whispers and planted kisses on your face.

When he felt you clenching around his cock, he fucked you faster making the bed rock and mattress creak. He came inside you of course, while kissing your back and soothing your right ass cheek. When he pulled out, he inserted one finger which felt nice and made you excited again.

“We’ll go another round,” he winked and watched his cum come out of your pussy.

That night, you two stayed in bed and fuck more than you could have imagine.

Of course there’s a time where you just talked about your feelings. How much you two don’t want to go back just yet and how much you wanted this relationship to work.

After that night, you don’t need to imagine what real love feels like.

Love and home suddenly became a person for you and that’s Jaehyun.

You can feel his presence already whenever you feel like he’ll arrive anytime soon at your doorstep and shower him with kisses. Love is knowing that someone will come home to you. Love is watching a movie together, and not noticing that one of you is sleeping already. Love is trying to impress Jaehyun with your cooking skills, and even though he’s a better cook he says you cook better.

Love is having someone to comfort you whenever you have nightmares and you see the faces of the people you kill in your dreams.

“Y/n, wake up, baby you’re having a nightmare”

Jaehyun open the lampshade and got you a glass of water after successfully waking you up. He’s been waking up for five minutes already. He was so worried.

When you’re all calm again, your now watching the rain outside and enjoying the quiet evening. Arms around each other, keeping each other warm.

“We’ve experienced tough shit — I really believe that we deserve each other’s love” he whispers so he wont ruin the quietness of a beautiful night.

Days continue to be beautiful with Jaehyun. It felt like a dream but he was a hundred percent real because he proves it every day. The moment you wake up, you get to see his handsome face. Arms around you, like he’s never planning to let you go.

You reached your vibrating phone and answer the call, Jeno. He was your mission. Your fake boyfriend. The one you need to kill.

“Hello?” You answered, trying to get out of Jaehyun’s embrace but too late, you woke him up and decided not let you go. As he’s reminding you who your real boyfriend is. He thought of teasing you while you’re on the call but he knew better. Work should be respected.

“Hey, I just miss you… where have you been?” Jeno says, giving you a hint that he knew you were cheating and seeing a man beside him. Of course, you knew that already, Jaehyun mentioned that Jeno sent a gut to tail on him. Your boyfriend just laughed it out, he sees Jeno as a joke.

“I was actually just gonna call you— sorry I’ve been busy with work, with the coming holidays”

But even though Jeno knew you’re cheating, he still wanted to make things work. So he tries. “Can we go on a vacation tomorrow? Please? Days have been stressful and I just miss you”

“Tomorrow? Uhh.. sure why not? Text me the details? Do you want to grab dinner tonight?” Words continue to come out of your mouth that hurt Jaehyun. But what can you do? You still have to play the part.

When the call ended Jaehyun was silent. His eyes were closed and hasn’t said a word the moment you ended the call.

But the man… truly and deeply loves you. So he stopped being childish and greet you good morning and showered you with kisses.

“So I guess we have morning until afternoon then,” he said and kissed your shoulders. You just smiled and kissed him good morning which turned you on, “Why do you have to be so damn irresistable?”

Jaehyun just chuckled and kissed your lips for the last time before he got up from bed, “I know we can’t get enough of each other but we have to get up now, it’s a busy day for the both of us but… can I just kill Jeno and have you for myself?” he joked.

Even though Jaehyun knew that this is all part of the job, he can’t help but think that … he can’t just let you allow them to touch you. He wanted you to at least… think of him…

The whole morning was unexpectedly quiet. You know the reason so you confronted him. “I wont let him lay a finger on me from now on, I promise” you said and hugged him behind while he’s cooking. “I know you’re worried. But please don’t forget that I am more than capable to protect myself”

“Thank you for promising,” he smiled and kissed you. When Jeno kept you away from Jaehyun it was torture for you. You used to like it whenever you and Jeno have sex, hell- that’s the reason why you got him around your finger. But now that you’ve experienced love finally and you know how making love feels like… you just can’t let Jeno touch you ever again.

The whole trip was a mess. You stopped yourself from just slitting his throat while he’s sleeping. He didn’t like it when you stop him from having sex whenever he asks you to. He hated every reason you give him, but he never forced you. Of course Jeno knew this was because you’re cheating on him. He was planning to get you killed. Little did he know, you’re already ten steps ahead of him.

By the time you and Jeno got back from that wasted vacation, he kept you on his side most of the time. Making sure you don’t have time for Jaehyun. He visits your apartment every night, pick you up in the morning, and spend time with you whenever he can. He even admitted that he really loves you. You just faked it and told him, you love him too. It’s disgusting.

Jeno is a head of a drug cartel. He made a very famous drug that made a lot of people crazy about it. Too much of it can definitely kill you. That’s what happened to the daughter of Mr. Seo. Well she didn’t die, almost die. Mr. Seo is a powerful man that has great connections with great doctors whom took care of her daughter. Long story short, the daughter was Jeno’s ex-girlfriend, they made that drug together but Mr. Seo denied that his daughter had anything to do with it.

By the way, Mr. Seo is Mr. Jeong’s longtime business partner. And that’s why you’re here. To serve revenge to someone’s daughter.

Jaehyun on the other hand, is here to protect Mr. Seo’s daughter, just in case Jeno tries to send someone and kill her. But he just protects the girl from a far. Jaehyun is very careful with his job, he hates messy things. He’s the silent killer not you.

“Can we just switch missions? I’ll protect the girl and you kill Jeno?” you joke and booped his nose. You just finished having sex and it really felt good to be fucked by the man you love after for so long you thought. This has been the first night you’ve been together, ever since Jeno kept you away. This wouldn’t even happen if Jaehyun didn’t kill the man tailing him. Poor guy you thought.

“Don’t give me ideas,” he laughed and made you sit on top of him, creating a great view of your body, you then reached for his cock and surprised him. He didn’t expect that you’d put it in and grind on top of him.

“You were saying?” you wanted him to continue what he was saying while you fuck him. Yes, fuck him.

“I said…” he croaked, almost a moan. He couldn’t even finish a sentence, “don’t give me ideas that I could easily do” he pulled you down so you’re closer to him, kissing your neck while you continue what you do. In a matter of minutes, Jaehyun came and you stayed on to him, feeling him catch his breath.

“If Jeno dies, we both come home— but I’m not pressuring you,” he laughed and kissed you, “I’m just a little excited to what’s next for our life after this mission, you know?”

But you were already sleeping when he checked up on you. Of course he didn’t just let you sleep naked on top of him, gently he made lay you down beside him and looked for clean clothes to cover you up. He kissed you goodbye because he needed to work tonight.

The next day, there was something off with Jeno that he kept on getting mad and he’s getting into your nerves. That pushed you to go for the kill and just use a knife to kill him. To your surprise, he was specially skilled with sharp objects too. You didn’t back down of course, you gave his pretty face a nice scar, just incase he survives and you fail to kill him, at least he will remember you.

“Your boyfriend is an assassin too, I know that much. He’s dead now,”

And those words got the best of you. It caught you off guard making him had the chance to pierce the knife deep.

Now you’re on weak on the floor bleeding and trying to survive. But your mind is really not on what’s happening to you, you don’t care if you die. But you care if Jaehyun is really dead. It can’t be. He’s the greatest assassin you’ve ever seen.

You feel your body getting weaker and weaker as you crawl away from Jeno… then suddenly you hear a thud. And heard someone call your name…

“Y/n— fuck, stay with me baby,”

It was Jaehyun. You’re sure that he’s well and alive.

“It’s just a cut Jae, I’ll live for sure,”

Jaehyun on the other hand was quick to get materials he knew could save you. He also called for Mark’s to send help and clean up Jeno’s body. “Mark, Y/n needs help send a doctor to Jeno’s place now and clean up”

“Got it! Yuta is also on his way to fill in for you— we had a lead on,”

“Mark, I’m sorry to break it to you, but I don’t care if that girl dies. Y/n needs me, how long do we have to wait?”

“S-sorry, but help will be there 20 minutes tops”

Jaehyun didn’t even said thank you or good bye to Mark. He just ended the call and took care of you because you passed out already. Jaehyun was panicking already and more than furious that he shot Jeno’s dead body a few more times to release his anger towards him.

When you finally wake up, you see Jaehyun beside you sleeping. You figured maybe he didn’t even got the chance to rest from last night.

This mission was more than fucked up. You failed. Jaehyun failed. All because you finally have a weakness now, and it’s Jaehyun. This is bad you thought.

By the time you’re all well and ready to go home, you thought that Jaehyun will go home with you and tell every truth to Chanyeol together. But no. He needed to stay behind because he needed to fix his own mess for you and for him. You could have helped him but you’re too weak at the moment.

When you came back, Chanyeol was beyond furious, he told you ugly truths… that made you force yourself to the things you don’t like. Like, leaving Jaehyun.

“He didn’t tell you that the girl he was protecting secretly was his future fiance?” Chanyeol smirked, he didn’t want to hurt you either but he needed to tell you the truth for your own good. After all, you’re like a daughter to him.

“Are you really sure you love Jaehun?” you nod ‘yes’, of course. “What can you offer to him? Cant you see it? You two are not perfect for each other, he’s a son of a powerful man. Who are you y/n?”

And that hurt you.

“Have you ever imagined stepping into Jaehyun’s real world? You have to understand that you two are not meant for each other,”

He was right. “Good thing Jaehyun’s father never heard of your relationship. He wanted you to work directly with him. Take this as a chance to redeem your last mission. And try to forget about Jaehyun while you’re away”

And just after Chanyeol talked to you, Jaehyun just arrived in 127 house, wearing the biggest smile on his face. Hoping for a welcome back kiss perhaps. But you avoided his touch.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, you don’t know where to begin but he already knew that Chanyeol a;ready brainwashed you, “Chanyeol is good at brainwashing Y/n, you know that”

“But that doesn’t mean that the things he told me aren’t true. I’m sorry Jae— it was childish. What we did was childish,”

“I can’t believe I’m fucking hearing this. AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN NEW YORK Y/N?!” He shouted.

“I’m sorry,” is all you could say before turning your back on him.

Maybe life is punishing your for all the lives you’ve taken without mercy.

You’ve been far from home way too long now… you’re long forgiven for what happened to New York now.

At this point you don’t even know if what happened between you and Jaehyun was true or was it all just a dream or a fantasy made up. You don’t even have one single proof that you and Jaehyun shared something special there. You only have this heartbreak that you’ve been carrying for years, ever since you left.

Given that you’re Mr. Jeong’s favorite assassin, you work tirelessly whenever he puts you on schedule. You’ve been assigned to be close to him and became his personal bodyguard, and go whenever he goes, and kill whenever he says so. Mr. Jeong is very busy man, he flies in and out of different countries and you alone is responsible with his safety for the whole time… well, you and other unnamed bodyguards that are foreign. But most of your days are spent on the Jeong’s skyscraper building. You just stand all day, everyday outside Mr. Jeong’s office and guard it.

But by the time Chanyeol made you come back and put you on a field mission, you’ve never been so happy and excited to kill someone after so long.

“I love seeing your smile Y/n,” Jaehyun welcomes you back with a hug, together with the others, “But you wont like this mission,” Jaehyun warns you.

He talks to you like nothing happened. Like he wasn’t the reason why you were away from this home for far too long. You’re not mad at him. You’re just surprised on with how well he’s been and that’s the only thing you want him to be. Happy.

While Mark is explaining what is what and who is who, you can’t help but think that Jaehyun was right with his warning earlier.For years and years of killing, this has been the hardest mission for you. It was as if you are looking for a ghost who kills people and you’re almost hopeless with this mission.

Hendery.

There are six Phantoms, Yangyang, Winwin and Xiaojun are all dead. And Hendery was the one assigned to you, while Ten and Kun are both hard to find because no one knew their faces. No one knew what Hendery looks like either, but Mark just so happens to know that he will have business in Hongkong on new year’s eve. That’s all the information he could give to you, because that’s all the information he has about Hendery.

The Phantoms are very rich chinese men who has many successful business around asia. They’re powerful because they kill every competition they have, and they kill strictly for business and because of business. Business is everything with the Phantoms. And that’s the difference between the Jeongs and the Phantoms, the Jeongs kill for protection.

Rumor has it that the Phantoms wanted to buy every business that the Jeongs own. And that is where the war started between them.

“This time I really want you to be careful,” Jaehyun came out of nowhere while you were packing your things.

“Privacy Mr.,” you joked, “I know your family owns me, but you don’t own me, yet.” you teased him, you were talking about him being the big boss someday. He just laughed and crossed his arms. He always looks nice in black with his golden ring, the only token he had from his mom, its like an I.D for him… so that people around this house will not forget that he’s still a Jeong.

“When I killed Yangyang, the kid almost fooled me” he started and sat down your bed, “It was a loud kill, I almost fucked up”

“That sounds like a joke, you never do loud kills ” you stopped packing and sat down with him.

“He knew who I was… barely came out of his house alive” Suddenly the air in your room became cold… this has never happened to Jaehyun before. “They’re all jokers Y/n, they know us”

That night, Jaehyun didn’t want leave your bed. You couldn’t sleep either, you just miss how his warmth can calm you and make you feel safe. He didn’t want to bombard you with words like “I miss you so much…” and tell you the things he has been doing while you were away. You have so little time together, and all he can do it show you how much he still feels for you.

So he bravely kissed you.

And you kissed him back.

For a few minutes it felt right. Like you two were back in New York in that small little apartment. His kisses were sweet and inocent, his hands were all over you but on the right places, like while he intertwines his hands with yours and how he cups your face only to hold you closer. But when you two stopped and realized that this will get you two into trouble again. He let you turn your back against him.

And theres nothing he could do and did not protest.

He pulled your duvet and made sure youre warm tonight, kissed you one last time on your head and left your room.

He still loves you. And that fact alone made you cry to sleep, because you still love him too.

When you left for the mission, it was already loud and red all over Hongkong. Mark still has no further information about Hendery which makes you even more nervous. “Calm down, just read the room and trust your hunch” Mark said through your earpiece.

“What if I kill the wrong guy Mark? Are you going to take responsibility-” but Chanyeol had the line even before you could finish.

“Can you please calm down? Hendery is within the area already because his bodyguards are spotted… but still no visual on the target,” you sigh at what Chanyeol said, “Maybe Mark is right, read the room. It’s not hard to find someone who looks rich and has an army of bodyguards around”

“Okay. Fine. I’ll move on my own since you two are so useless”

You removed your earpiece and put it in your purse.

You were ordered to just watch him during the event and go for the kill when the clock strikes 12 and the whole country will be so loud. You were having a hard time looking for him at the moment, who would have thought that it would be this hard. You drank your frustrations away, shot by shot. Until you’re becoming light headed and a little tipsy already. You can’t go home with a failed mission. Agin.

During the celebration, you noticed someone who’s really handsome and really attractive… actually, his family is so loud, you figured he was celebrating with his beautiful sisters and their kids. The room was not hard to read, they are just a normal family that will be in shock by the chaos you’re about to do later. Poor kids you thought.

The kids were all cute, wearing colorful dresses, very energetic… it makes you dream about having your own someday. Will you have a daughter? A son? whatever it is, you will your kid with all your heart.

Then suddenly… One of the kids approached you with a glass of water.

What if… the water was poisoned. What if Hendery sent her?

What on earth are you thinking Y/n? She’s a sweet kid.

“My uncle thinks you need a glass of water,” she whispered and gave you the class… before the so called uncle finally approached you.

Of course he knew you already. He knew beforehand that someone will try to kill him tonight because he has been attending funerals of his friends lately. But he did expect you. And by the time you and Hendery finally faced each other during new year’s eve in Hongkong, he fell in love with you.

“It’s amazing how little human beings can have a power to us all” you smiled watching him.

“Well those human beings can be little monsters too and can really dry up my wallet fast” he joked and sat beside you.

One last look around to check if you still have any luck for Hendery… but looks like… today, is really not your day.

For the whole night, you and that stranger talked and talked. Luring you into saying what your heart truly desires. He became your first friend outside your job as a killer, which is basically a sin and you could be punished for this. He made you feel like a normal person.

At 12am, Hendery was still a no show. So instead, you enjoyed your time for yourself.

Hendery let you play with his nieces, you two danced and talked and drink until you’re drunk enough to even remember your purpose. And by the end of the night, he bought a suite so you two could talk somewhere quiet.

But it’s not what happened. It was intimacy in bed… that’s what happened. Good thing you weren’t actually clueless in this game so you get to satisfy him. But what really counted as a memory that night was the way he talked to you about freedom. Like he knows you already, like he’s trap somewhere too… like you.

“While I was looking at your nieces earlier, I can’t help but think about my own future. Someday I want someone to drain my energy with how they drained ours earlier,” Hendery laughed at that fact, her nieces are all full of energy and you were both really tired playing with them.

“I want to have a life,” you added.

“Me too,” he said.

“Hmm. What troubles you,” you asked while you play with his hair.

“I may look like a prince but I’m swimming in debt, I need to pay up. That’s how I could have a life,”

It was too much private information in one night, you thought so you stopped asking questions and just lured him to have more sex with you. By the time you pass out sleeping on his chest, he thought…

He could easily kill you with one swift move right now. But no.

The moment you wake up, he’s gone and left you a note.

You can kill me anytime. Come find me again. - Hendery.

And it was more than a frustration to you. You stare at the note that smelled like garden rose. You were more than angry and mad but you couldn’t let it out because your mind was busy searching for clues from last night… but then again, you remembered what Jaehyun said.

Yes, it was a failed mission. But theres a part of you that was actually happy that it failed. You can’t kill him in front of his family and his loving nieces. It will just plant trauma to them. And you can’t be the one who caused that.

You came home from a failed mission. Chanyeol was beyond disappointed to you. Again. Not only you failed the mission, but you broke one of the rules. “You befriended an enemy Y/n. How could you kill him in the future now? What will you feel if you heard the news that Taeyong successfully killed your friend? — you also had sex with him. I am out of words…” "Well, at least it wasn't Jaehyun right?"

It was silent in his office for a slow minute. You knew everything you did was wrong and you have nothing to blame.

“You’re on schedule for three months, no rest days and no holidays,”

By the time you and Chanyeol are done talking, Jaehyun was waiting outside. You figured he heard everything.

“I think this Hendery guy fell in love with you. god y/n you’re so stupid when it comes to shit like this” Jaehyun said, he sounded jealous, of course he was. But even so, he brought you apples because you missed dinner.

“Like what?” you said as you munch the apples he gives you.

“Like when someone is showing you bold signs that they like you” Jaehyun continue to munch the apple. You were quiet because maybe he’s right.

“I like you. Cant you see it?”

I’m well aware Jae. But you didn’t say that. You didn’t want to talk about your relationship tonight. You can’t get Hendery out of your head. “Hendery is different-“ is all you said.

Jaehyun scoffed, “Of course you’d say that. What you like him too?” the change of his tone bothers you already.

“Hendery is different because he opened the Pandora’s box for me. He had nieces, cute nieces Jae. And I spent time with his family that is super sweet,” you tried to explain nicely, but he keeps on pushing you.

“So you do like him?” theres a part of him that is envy and jealous that Hendery was the one who got to opened that “pandora's box” for you.

“No Jae. I don’t like him. I only love the things he made me experience that night. To have family, to be able to play with kids, to dream for my own… to dream of my own freedom,”

And then there it is.

Jaehyun stopped himself from talking because he knew this conversation could turn into a fight. He also realized, that Hendery showed you different things, a different angle in life that he can’t give you. For now. His father adopted you to be an assassin, and caged you in the world of killings.

Jaehyun was quiet and all he could do was hug you and calm you down. But you pushed him. Hard. And made him leave.

Thank you so much for reading this work of mine! If you love what you read, please leave something in my inbox and tell me how you feel! CLICK THIS LINK. I hope we can practice, give and take.

Stay tuned for the next part! -B.

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