#and how much he'd known what he'd do.
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Fic positive: I get to fix the weird bits of story where it felt there should have been another option for another outcome
Fic Positive: I have to pic one of these options still.
#becuase it's on mind right now I'm rough drafting some of the stuff around the house of hope#and am struggling between deciding to hide the real reason of going just in case..the less someone can find if poking around the better....#and explaining after#and leaning to this becasue of it being more dramatic alone.#like sure this is taking place in a fic where they talk far more often for longer stretches.#but it probably helps literally no one when he's still not going to believe it until he's being handed the hammer.#and takes the time to do another sifty sift through his memories to confirm that yes. that was the plan from start to finish.#telling him in advance might as well be saying 'I'm getting the item to kill you in a few days. I'm saying otherwise but also...'#esp this specific tav....the one who's main skill is mainpulating and lying......#and is aware of that fact of himself from the start......#he'd never said it before hand because he wouldn't believe himself so couldn't expect emps to.#okay me. thank you for that productive ramble.#Going with Post Hope Dramatics.#Because sometimes open communication is actually worse.#if both people involved are so fucked up when it comes to trust issues.#and this also makes it a *far* more active choice to betray Lae'zel....#Though hey.....at least I already have written the first attempt on the brain and aftermath and have them with just the pair of them#so at least she doesn't have to *see* that the hammer doesn't make it into the prism.#Just that the two people to leave the prism alone tell enough of what happened#and how much he'd known what he'd do.
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Okay, y'know the whole thing of like, Sans can deduce a lot from small things like telling how many times he's killed you from your expression and what have you?
That had to have carried over to any variations on classic undertale right?
Just imagine being Nightmare, thinking you are being so sneaky and mysterious and withholding information on your whole life, only for one of your henchmen to one day off-handedly mention some extremely specific (and correct) detail about you that they just figured out from the way you speak or how you eat or something random
#UTDR#UTMV#I have had like almost no time to draw this past week and I won't have much next week so here's a sillyness post#If Cross is part of the gang they do it to him too and it freaks him the fuck out#Why do you KNOW that???? What do you MEAN it's because of how I SIT????#Nightmare is flabbergasted#He was being SO sneaky and now they know too much#He didn't think any of them were stupid but if he'd known they were this intuitive he might have thought twice
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Blind as a bat
#i need to think about more hcs for these two#I think Marshall sometimes joins Fionna on her adventures if he's interested enough (which is rare)#or if he wants to tick Gumball off by showing up without warning like 'heeeey bestie what are we doing today *smiles*'#because Gumball is usually the one who sends Fionna to do stuff outside the kingdom#i think adventuring/traveling in general is (as we say here in Brazil) always either 8 or 80 for Marshall#because he's lived so long and probably seen more than half of Ooo atp so he just doesn't care much about going out there anymore#he still likes hanging out with friends and going to concerts but travel to the other side of the island?#to see an event he's probably seen happen many times before over the centuries? with the conditions he has as a vampire?#and leave his cat alone??? nah he'd rather sleep all day#Fionna likes traveling. I think she'd be more interested on the fun and active parts of the trip like sports and festivals ig?#and also the stories. give her all the monster legends and mythologies and romances she loves them#I think Marshall would know places in Ooo that are known to be hella dangerous so when Fionna says she's going there he just goes#“oh? i'm going with you then I wanna see how long you survive there 👁️”#She usually does well without his help but he had to save her ass once or twice already#fionna and cake#adventure time fionna and cake#fionna and cake fanart#fionna campbell#marshall lee#adventure time fionna#fionna the human#adventure time marshall lee#adventure time#adventure time fanart
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i kinda think part of why people treat donnie as less caring than he is is like. sometimes not knowing when he's joking? like that time he threatens to be "semi-lethal" when splinter's in the truck with meat sweats. like i'm sure most of you knew he was joking but like. do some of you realise he like, would not have done that? like remember how he was sad? when splinter actually got hurt? same with leo in the movie? and all of them at every other time?
like he's self proclaimed funniest. and also a mad scientist aesthetic doesn't make a character a villain by itself it's what you actually do with that (yes he has done bad things within that area (haunted stare towards mind meld) but you have to admit he like. did fix those. and feel bad and hopefully learn his lesson but hey that's another analysis)
i have mixed feelings on villain donnie stuff, as an example, because like. ANY character put in a situation where they lose their way is really fun and if in character is really interesting as to what could cause that.
but when it's treated as like. inevitable. who he is, or phrasing his brothers are the only thing stopping him being evil. it's like hm. ugh. kind of hurts a bit actually but that's probably because i relate to him ghfdjk
like the seen in snow day with the tech bo chainsaw like. all he really DOES is cut a snowman there but he's just like. leaning into being "evil" with the chainsaw but like he's just being silly with it. acting like that's proof of anything is wild to me, without any other data points.
also kind of separate but i think there's a dissonance between what is like. seen as evil? between me and like most people lol. like the scene in the movie as well with like "finally, man and machine, entwixt in perfect bionic synergy" someone i watched it with was like "haha evil moment" or whatever where i was just like. yeah real that would be rad as hell. honestly gender also.
not saying he's never done anything wrong but i am saying he immediately tries to fix all of those things
anyway he does have a really interesting relationship with morals in my eyes but like, at his core he really cares about people, you know?
this isn't hate to anyone btw i just care about donnie a lot as a character and as really layered autistic representation
#rottmnt#rottmnt donnie#donnie analysis#making that a tag now because i know what i'm like#rottmnt analysis#i can write so much about donnie. idk if it's good. or accurate. but i can write it#unrelated but it's so funny when people say donnie's cishet or homophobic even (the latter as a joke but. not my type of humor personally)#and then say he's villain coded. like lol. i laugh. i know it's probably different sets of people for the most part but yeah#especially if they compare him to megamind specifically. like okay#megamind famous bisexual neurodivergent and you know. no longer even a villain at the end#like i'm not saying you're wrong i'm saying that it's actually more than just surface level theater kid stuff there (that too though)#like donnie has people who care about him from the start. they're not “keeping him in check” (yikes?) they're caring about him. nuance#but yeah like. genuinely i think it's interesting how he's seen as villain-coded#like i know villains and queer-coding is a known thing but i'm just wondering. is that also a thing with autistic-coding#or do people just naturally not get autistic people in real life and find them scary and that just carries across in responses to fiction#idk#donnie villain fic where he sees how he's perceived anyway by fanon and just gives up on being good#joke but i guess you can steal that just write it well if you do. for me. idk if it'd even be a villain concept really there#he'd probably just be like. sad. and try even harder to be good.#also what about mikey villain fics huh. there's literally a cut episode that would be so fun to play with#anyway feedback appreciated#this was so train of thought i'm sure some of it's unclear
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- I didn't get this ripped just to die with a bunch of dorks. I'll fight my way out if I have to.
Day 2 - The Jock
"A douche. They're arrogant, irresponsible, and usually on of the ones to die first."
from @windbrook's Slashed Challenge.
#i'm not sure if i like how this dude turned out#this is about when i started to feel bad for roughing up my sims so much 😅#so yeah too late to go back now though#he was passing through the building on his way back from a practice in the gym#it's a well known shortcut to the dorms that students take all the time#i ~do~ like the 80s workout vibes with his outfit 80s athletic wear is so iconic that it's always fun to do#anyway yup i like the next day's sin a lot better... i think#his quote is kind of mean but it's what i think he'd say#he'd definitely be the character to call the rest of the group “dorks”#brad tucker#day 2#the jock#windbrookslashed#sims 4#ts4#sims 4 screenshots#ts4 screenshots#tw blood#tw injury#tw murder mention
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gods, why didn't i get a college degree in anything useful?
#i've known since the day it unceremoniously came in the mail that my degree is worth less than the paper it's printed on#yeah i needed to college experience for social and lersonal growth#but why couldn't i have gotten something out of it that can help me find a damn job?#what was the fucking point of going through all that?#(the social and personal growth obviously)#ahgggggg#i'm too broke and disabled to go back to school NOW#(the way i'm coping with the anxiety of waiting to hear back about the internal job i just interviewed for#is to have Officially Decided That I'll Be Rejected Out Of Hand. So What Do I Do Next?#it hurts but at least i can move forward if the worst come to pass#and it gives me something to do while i'm Waiting#ughhhhh#why couldn't i have sold my damn soul and gotten the shitty computer science degree my school had??#i remember visiting a house a friend was pet-sitting for and seeing the couple's gaming setup#and just seeing dollar signs. they both worked in computer science and made $$$#but at the time it sounded like the worst thing in the world#and i'd already changed my major once... loved what i was studying... and had my dad breathing down my neck about how much my education cost#i'm so lucky i don't have debt. thanks to my grampa. but holy hell did my dad lord that inheritance over me and make me dance for it#i don't think he ever got over grampa pulling *his* college funding bc he spent college fucking around and dropped out#couldn't wrap his head around that the narrow thing he'd trained me to be would never follow in his 'rebelious' footsteps#i beat myself up over A-'s there was no way i'd do anything other than take my grades seriously#but that was the problem. i was worried about grades and what sounded bearable to learn. not what was realistic to do with it#i wanted to get a fucking phd! with what fucking money!!!!#of course not that i had the support or the maturity to understand what it meant to choose an education that could grant me a career#but who can i blame if not myself?#dad always said i had to Go To College. there was no choice in not going. but as soon as college came he shoved me out the door#and slammed shut. how was i supposed to know what to do without him there to make me do things all of a sudden?#that took nearly a decade to learn dammit#personal
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gabby: "i wanna be detailed to arson" 🥺
boden: "why? why do you wanna leave me?!" 😠
gabby: "i-i'm pregnant!" 😨
boden: "GABRIELA DAWSON GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!! OH MY GOD!!!!" 😃💖
#carly lb cf#chicago fire#4x02#chief boden#wallace boden#gabriela dawson#THE COMPLETE 180 HE DID AFTER SHE BLURTED THAT OUT WAS SO CUTE OH MY LORD 😭🤧💗#he was SO OFFENDED LMAOOOOO#like 'my baby wants to leave me? why? what have i done?'#ONLY TO LIGHT UP BRIGHTER THAN A DAMN CHRISTMAS TREE#cause his baby is having a baby bye i have to walk off a cliff now#i hope we get a similar parallel for chenford one day#except i imagine it going a little differently where tim approaches grey in his office solo#vehemently requesting he pull lucy off active duty and reassign her w/ scott wrigley (from 1x02) since she's carrying his baby#(much to lucy's dismay at first even though she knows he's only looking out for her and the baby)#he's wanted children for SO. LONG!!! you can't tell me he's not gonna be the most overprotective papa bear there is#okay i gotta stop making this about them god this is a cf post#but i also can't help but feel giddy and kicking my feet at the thought of even grey doing an excited lil dancy dance behind closed doors#you know he'd be just as over the moon as tim what with how long they've known and worked together#he knows tim has always secretly wanted kids so badly and he's gonna be SO HAPPY for him when he finally has one of his own#especially with lucy oh my god!!!!!!!!!#okay i'm done making this about them now i swear
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OPEN STARTER | Patrick Finch
"I condone lying. I encourage it, even. I recommend it. I could hardly live without it."
#;open starter#the wolf;patrick#the wolf;open#he's always the most difficult one GOSH#also you must envision he's saying this with this weird open deadpan stare where he#well how do i put it: he's clearly fucking with you but he does it with such an open genuine expression#i mean he does condone lying he's not lying here (LKDSG!!!) but he is also fucking around#so this is Patrick he's 37 or anywhere around that age he's agender primarily he/him pronouns bc whatever yknow#the agender vibes of WHATEVER i know what i'm talking about trust me i have a phd in agenderism#anyways he's an informant but about as unorthodox as you can imagine he's just fucking around and finding out frankly#very depressed very jumpy very good at hiding it lmao he's my darling ♥#he is very motherly somehow i can't explain it#he has somewhat of a history in accidentally attempting to adopt powerful young women i don't know why he???#knee-jerks into wanting to be a mother figure i don't know him that well you guys#like he met suki (ferre's kamipyre) for a few minutes one time and#days after he was wondering if she'd wore a jacket because it was cold out like--#men don't get the same kindness if you're a charming kind-hearted competent warm and humorous DAD kind of guy he's unfortunately#emotionally attracted to you? unfortunately because he hates it~ but if you're any other kind of guy you're just... you're some guy to him#yes if you're young he'll adopt you too but begrudgingly-- KLDGFGKLFDHGJF#if you're a they/them you're his kid already are you kidding that's your mum#OH I JUST HAD A TERRIBLE THOUGHT so do you know om*g*verse?? regardless of how you feel about it#it do be a thing and i just had this horrible thought about how if pat were a real guy in an established canon#he'd probs get the feminisation treatment amiright?? NO LISTEN HE USED TO BE A HUGE WOLF#AND HE'S ACTUALLY FILLED WITH SO MUCH RAGE AND WRONGED PRIDE#patrick is gentle when he likes you and because he's Smart he doesn't just BITE out of nowhere he's always been like that#Fenris was known for being INCREDIBLY well-spoken BUT ALSO A HUGE PROUD WOLF#LIKE BIG WOLF-- it doesn't show but he's Very Proud and STRONG and ??????#;queue#i picked a gif came back and realized i lost it there for a sec NO MATTER makes for good entertainment
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going through my dream daddy saves and when i first played i did the routes in order of which i thought would be my least to most favorite
#random thoughts#dream daddy#so it goes damien hugo mat craig brian joseph robert#i'd order them differently now in some ways but mostly yeah that. that tracks.#hugo and mat are both my least favorite routes because they both lack any character growth and i feel like their characters are the weakest#hugo is definitely the better out of the two of them though#then brian. wish he was better. and fatter. generally wish there was more body diversity ig#EVERYONE HAS THE SAME JAW SHAPE WHAT'S THE DEAL#anyway i've gone into why i don't like brian's route before so i wont get into it too much#his route is based around the avatar's character flaws rather than his own and the romance is rushed on brian's part#why is brian into the avatar if he's been nothing but fucking mean to him????#and then damien#not much to say about damien#very forgettable. not much done wrong but not much done right either. solid 5/10.#and now for my top three!!!#number 3: craig. craig is probably my favorite character just because of how well he bounces off others#he's such a fucking people pleaser it's so fun#his arc about learning to not sacrifice his own happiness for his children is SO GOOD#wish there was more of an underlying basis to the relationship between the avatar and craig but that's difficult to do in a dating sim so eh#like he'd be THE GUY to mention the mc's dead spouse right. wouldn't they have known each other.#like obviously the reason they haven't talked since college is because life and kids getting in the way#but i feel like they could have ruminated on that a bit more#fucking hate the baby toy search in the park. only part of the game where i gave up and looked shit up#aside from the trivia game but that doesn't count#anyway craig 7/10 on the basis everyone else was worse#number two! JOSEPH MY MAIN FUCKER HOW ARE YOU DOING YOU BASTARD#fucking love joseph. his dynamic with his wife and kids and ROBERT oh my god wtf happened between them#he's such a strong character. fucking hate his ass wish i could have swam away from that boat#number one!!!! the man the myth the legendary ghost hunter ROBERT!!!!!!!#again another strong character who has great dynamics with other characters fucking bounces off other people so well
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Actually here's a true example of where it's like bro you have the moral backbone of wet putty
He got banned in destiny 2 and he thought it was unjust, and I forget the details, but I was inclined to agree
He swore a blood feud with them, he'd never play again... then like a week later he rebought every last bit of content for it, and like was playing it last night complaining that he didn't think this latest season had much content... but my man... you're still playing it and giving them money... despite the fact you're not enjoying it and also the fact you said you'd never buy it again
I don't think you really get to say "well if a game's good people'll play it no matter what", cause you're just the Spider's Georg of playing every game even if it sucks ass
#decent person but like... no fucking sense and a super edgy side#I both like him well enough; like he's the only person who actually helped me move; but also this is why I often limit how much we talk#...actually legit a lot of it is the more weed he smokes the more dr dumbass comes out#cause I was gonna say you can have some pretty good conversations with him...#but then I realized almost all of those times were when he was trying to quit smoking weed#I like stoners well enough; and there's plenty of people who weed doesn't really change them up that much#but man are their some people where it just brings out their dumbass side a lot#though also like this guy has smoked so much that he often does stuff like dabs because a bowl just doesn't even really get him high#and this is what I mean; like he's both very smart because he'll be talking about like the butane used with dabs being bad for you#as he's doing exactly what he's saying is a bad idea#and he's not the kind of stoner who just kind of becomes a lump when he's high; which I've known some (who also smoked nonstop)#(like literally when he was home he never was without a loaded bowl and he'd hit it pretty much any chance he got; literally)#so this guy; he stays coherent... but the more I think about it the more I realize his dipshit side is strongly correlated with being high#to armchair psychoanalyze; he apparently get beat up in school a lot when he was younger#so he kind of developed his 'I'll fuck with anything' side to his personality#which I think is where a lot of his stupid edgy humor is from#and I think that side is who comes out when he's high#...doesn't matter#he's a decent person; but he's also a fucking moron and it's like man... shut you idiot mouth and just play your stupid shit#you think that ai generated 'what if futurama was an 80's movie' is super cool; you don't get opinions
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Robin was interviewed in the morning television earlier today and oh god I want to hug him 🥺
and not only because his (porko-like) leopard print jacket looked so cosy and soft
#the whole interview had such a...low-key negative vibe somehow?#the interviewer asked some interesting questions alright but it felt like robin was constantly asked to explain himself#first robin was asked why he's in UMK now when years ago he said he thinks eurovision/umk ''distorts the artist's image''#(as in they will from then on be known as ''the artist who went to eurovision'')#then he was asked what he himself had to do with making of his UMK song (as if no one expects him to be in no way part of it)#then he was asked if he was expecting the song to face so much criticism#and it does seem like he at some point realised (before the song was released) that it's not what people were expecting of him#ngl i'm one of them but at the same time i feel a little sorry for robin who genuinely seems to love the song#and thinks it represents him the best. and like. if the artist thinks like that then who am i to argue with it?#robin: ''...and no matter how the song does in UMK i'm still gonna have a great song to perfom in concerts''#the interviewer: ''so you're gonna keep perfoming it regardless?''#(said in a tone that says ''oh so you're gonna be performing it even though it's crap'')#okay well then the interviewer talks about how lordi was not praised either when they were chosen for ESC#to which robin doesn't have much to say because he was so young that he can't remember so that was awkward as well 😂#then he had to answer questions about why he was driving a car and filming a video for social media at the same time#''how did you end up with this decision to film while driving a car?'' (said in a tone that implies he's a little thick)#tbh was stupid on his part and he did apologise again#he said he's so conscientious that he wants to do everything he's promised he would (in this case answering fan questions i guess)#and he knew that was the only time that day that he'd have the time for that and that it was in an area with little traffic#and while i'm also judging him for doing it i also feel a little sorry for him because oh little one you don't HAVE to do everything 😭#sometimes you simply don't have the time and energy. next time i'd rather you don't answer fan questions than do it while driving#then (with no transition whatsover) he was asked if he's planning on wearing mismatched shoes until the end of his career 🙄#(said in a tone that implies he should grow out of it already)#a question i'm sure he's never answered before lol#then they talked about the incident at his new year's gig#and the interviewer asked if they ever found out WHY someone was throwing beer steins on stage#as if robin (or anyone) would go and ask?! 😂 like. come on. the person was drunk out of their ass probably. there is no deeper reason#but the question made it seem like the interviewer was expecting robin to go ''well they said my songs suck and that i'm probably gay!''#just so that they could make a nice headline out of it lol#anyway. don't ask why i'm writing this all in the tags 😅
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i can't stop looking at her t-t-t-t, FACE!
mdni.
satoru gojo is doomed.
why is he doomed, you ask? well, put bluntly, you, his girlfriend of five months, are driving him absolutely crazy.
crazy is an understatement, actually. insane, mad, mental, unhinged, deranged, bonkers - whatever you want to call it. he's holding on by a thread; the thinly woven string known as sanity growing ever weaker as the days roll by and turn into weeks.
of course, he's only blaming you. you hadn't actually done anything wrong.
you're the first relationship satoru's had in his life, and he'd be damned if some inappropriate thoughts ruin his chances with the love of his life. he'd never been happier - dating you gave him the kind of happiness he thought only existed in movies; the kind of giddiness of a child in a candy store.
he was devoted to you in every way, shape and form - you are everything he's dreamed of and more.
more.
that's right, you were more.
recently, you were the devil's temptation personified.
surprisingly, even after twenty-odd years of being one of the most attractive guys around, and having women throw themselves at him like he's some kind of greek deity, satoru is a virgin. i'll repeat that, he is a virgin. a fact that only suguru knows. a fact that he's neglected to tell his girlfriend.
he may have a flirtatious personality and the ability to charm ninety percent of the human race with one of his thousand-kilowatt smiles, but in truth, he had never dated anyone. ever. let alone got his dick in a pussy.
so when he starts wanting to go further, he's not sure how to bring it up without sounding like a horndog.
it all started when you wore a sleek black dress to one of your dates. it clung to your figure, fabric wrapping shamelessly around your every curve and tickling your midthigh at its end. and if that wasn't bad enough, it had a plunging neckline, giving the world - satoru specifically - an eyeful of the assets god gifted you with. your boobs were practically spilling out of your dress, the light catching your cleavage as you held his arm. he could feel himself salivating like some sort of perv. how was he supposed to focus with aphrodite's personal creation hanging off his arm?
his eyes began to drift to the flesh of your chest more than he'd like to admit. all sorts of r-rated scenarios ran through his head and he dared to entertain every. single. one. he could do so much with them, tease them, spit on them, pinch them, suck on them, put his dick between them-
“satoru?”
his gaze snaps back to your face at record speed. you notice how he's chewing his bottom lip, flush creeping onto his cheekbones and the tips of his ears. his hands are clammy; there's suddenly too little oxygen in his room.
“did you listen to anything i said?” your arms fold beneath your bosom and satoru almost implodes.
what do you expect him to do? the necklace around your neck has his initial on it, and it hovers over your tits almost mockingly. if it snapped, the letter would fall right between the valley of your breasts-
“satoru!”
he's choking on his saliva, apologizing profusely as he encourages you to continue your story - though he hasn't heard shit over the blood pumping loudly in his ears.
it's a battle no, a war between his rationality and his desires and he doesn't know which is winning. his rationality wins when he's around you - he just sucks in a breath and thugs it out, no matter how much his dick shouts at him. but in private, he's letting the desires win as his fists himself to the thought of you, your lips, your ass; your boobs.
the first time he sees you in a bikini he has to take a breather before he can get into a game of beach volleyball with you and the group.
(and even then he was struggling. every time you jumped for the ball the only thing he was looking at was your tits.)
he should be neutered. effective immediately.
it drags out for so long that you finally notice, and force him to talk to you about why he's avoiding you, and if you'd done anything wrong. but all you get is:
“baby, i'm so sorry- you're so pretty and i can't help myself. i didn't know how to bring up that i wanted to take our relationship to the next step, you mean the world to me and i'd hate to make you uncomfortable-” he trips and stumbles over his words-
“...is that it?”
and his eyes bug out of his head as he stares at you. weeks, months of agony over this and all you have to say is 'is that it'?
he doesn't even have chance to respond; to process your words before you're popping the top button of your blouse.
yeah, satoru gojo is doomed.
#ᯓᡣ𐭩 kiyara.#✎ᝰ.#i was bored once again.#satoru gojo x y/n#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x y/n#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo smut#gojo imagine#gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk smut
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MY LAST CLOSING THOUGHT ABOUT TONIGHTS CR EPISODE!! CYRUS TO DORIAN. FISH IN A BIRDCAGE. THAT IS ALL.
#lynx speaks#i just keep thinking about how dorian b4 we met his brother he said that cyrus was the golden child#he was perfect at what he did. he took to his noble duties like. well like a fish in water. he was a natural#and so dorian flew off and away. there was a whole wide world outside of their home. there was just so much to see and do#and as if his tune had been carried upon the wind itself cyrus held fast to his brother#it was his duty his responsibility his honor to finally be where dorian thrived. but he wasnt great at it#he got in trouble and became his younger brothers responsibility. an oldest siblings worst nightmare.#the world was indeed wonderful so why was it so hard for him? why did cyrus struggle to keep up? to take off like he knew he could#like he knew he should just. be able to. he'd never not been a natural at something. is this how dorian felt?#in the pond of their noble life. enclosed. perhaps trapped.#if only cyrus had more time. if only he werent at the mercy of forces far crueler than those he'd known#if only he werent a fish. inside a birdcage.
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Called my doctor's office bc I haven't heard anything about my test results (been almost two weeks). And haven't heard anything after messaging them online.
Apparently the nurse hadn't read the messages I sent last week?
#actually disabled#i promise doc I'm not trying to be annoying#i just REALLY need those results since. y'know my next appointment isn't til OCTOBER and i would like to know before then gjdndn#he'd agreed to go over them virtually but I've heard NOTHING about the results#and he's trying to sign me up for more tests???#so I'm hoping that. doesn't effect anything???#also need meds refilled bc. pharmacy says they don't have it??? even tho online says i do???#tbh i don't entirely blame her bc idk how much the dr understood the last question i asked#i got a completely different answer than what i asked#and tbh this doctor is. kinda known for being slower for stuff like this#i feel like they have a note somewhere like 'dear god they got a test they're going to be on our ass for the results'
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why am I so fucking easy though he barely even manipulated me
#if at all.#who needs lovebombing when all he has to do is only be a dick about things that won't hurt me much to get my clothes off#(instead of the usual being a dick about things he knows will sting)#throw in some generic praise he probably got off one of his shitty scripts n i'm high as a fucking kite#til i crash#so what the fuck do i do now#i just. keep craving it. even though i hate it n the way it makes me feel n how it haunts me for the days after#can i go back to being numb now. i'm done w/ this i don't wanna feel things anymore#i rly hate that i went outta my way to......show gratitude. after he said he'd tone down the shit i don't like#cause the next damn time i went over he just took it all the way anyway#i thought maybe if i made it worth it for him he might actually listen when i ask him not to do smth....#shoulda known though. he wasn't happy w/ me tryin to set rules for him. i tried to make it a negotiation instead of that but..#he just pretended it's all good for a bit to get my guard down. like he always does.#i thought he was just doin whatever he wanted as usual but. ofc it was a punishment.#i stepped outta line n just bc he can't beat me anymore don't mean there won't be consequences#the question remains why the fuck do i let him do this to me when he can't _force_ me to come back anymore#bc i'm a stupid bitch who doesn't know what's good for him that's why#every goddamn time i think i'll be smarter this time n won't let him take it too far#n still a part of me thinks i should just be grateful he even wants me anymore#spdrvent
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#there’s still time to kill myself over this#and. calling logan by his first name when you’ve known him since approximately 9 years old.#imagine the first time stewy decided to drop ‘mr.roy’#logan coming at a young adult stewy with ‘how was your summer stewart’#and stewy (has been psyching himself up for this all summer): it was great logan. how was yours?#and they just stare at each other like that one gif of pd*ddy and the american idol contestant (via @stewkablooey)
#yes these tags#and doing this out of disrespect not because of intimacy#all because of how much he cared about ken#which is a big deal for kids in general unless they grow up with (white) adults who insist they call them by their first name#but listen...as a poc it's a bigger deal. you wouldn't even dare to do this#it's ingrained in you to use honorifics for strangers especially older strangers#and even people you know personally no matter how many years pass#it's hard even when someone encourages you to call them by their first name even if you're on good terms with them#when there's a power imbalance or you want to show respect (mostly when i was a kid and much more infrequently now as an adult)#like all the teachers and random classmates' parents who would say this and i'd politely smile and think in my head 'no'#or it's someone from your own culture (not like this with most adults now and this is one of the only exceptions)#or maybe it's easier when you have nothing but disdain for someone but for a young stewy#he'd still have to go against what he's been taught since day 1 to do this#this isn't a peer he met as an adult whom he's trying to do business with; this is his friend's dad who's a hulking titan#in both your friend's life and on a global scale whom you've known since you were a kid#this is a deliberate choice you're making and one you have to psych yourself up as prev said to do#things the succ writing room probably didn't think about#i wonder if he ever speaks about the roys to his parents and if he does if he refers to logan as 'mr. roy' or 'logan' to them#even as an adult
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