#and how Charles found that out by reading Kevin's texts and even going to his house for the hat. he's kind of overbearing in the way Cecil

[mudstoneabyss]

lord help me <- cant see/read/think anything about Carlos without immediately going to think about Charles's equivalent/opposite

[peralta-guaranteed]

Grandpa Ray, Grandpa Kev

The babysitting-decision-ranking-list that Amy most definitely started and then worked over with Jake:

(-> Karen is obviously the go-to, but what if she’s actually indisposed? They have to plan for all eventualities, Jake, be realistic, Victor and Camila sadly live too far away to actually help out)

-> Terry is first choice, because obviously, but then they realise they can’t possibly load the poor man up with another baby when he already has three girls to take care of

-> Charles and Rosa tie for second, but Amy doesn’t trust Charles not to feed Mac some insane homemade babyfood or go inappropriately overboard with gifts every time he sees ‘Jake’s little boy’. Rosa actually seems the best choice but then they both realise they don’t know where she lives now and it’s not like she can strap the baby carrier to her bike if they hand Mac over at the precinct.

-> Gina is a mum now and possibly responsible enough to actually take care of their child but she might also definitely turn him and Enigma into some sort of instagram baby royalty or start a feud between them and Amy can’t handle the social media accounts of a suddenly famous baby as a busy sergeant.

-> Scully & Hitchcock are literally only on the list for completion and have been immediately scratched out for a million obvious reasons (they might trust Scully to hold Mac at the precinct as long as at least one (1) more responsible person is watching).

Which is why, 4 weeks after Mac is born and they desperately, absolutely need a ‘date night’ (aka an evening where they actually get to eat, shower and nap uninterrupted), Mac is ceremoniously brought into his granddads’ meticulously clean house, proceeds to cover everything in their kitchen with baby spit up, makes a lifelong friend in Cheddar (as proven by approx. 5000 likes on the one Amy-approved picture on Cheddar’s instagram account, one commentator titling them both ‘chubby-cheeked princes’), is read the Iliad as a bed time story because even at 1 month old it’s not too early to introduce him to the true classics, and wraps both Kevin and Holt around his very tiny, adorable little finger.

About a year in, a corner of their living room has been turned into a safely corraled and cleaned-up playspace, Kevin has found several baby books online that are based on Greek epics that Amy absolutely adores, and Jake’s text-chain with Holt has turned from endless emoji-boxes from him that go unanswered to picture-updates from Holt on how Mac is doing at their place. There is always at least one of Holt holding Mac up to very sternly and calmly say goodnight to his parents and Jake cries just a little bit every time he sees it.

Holt gets a hand-drawn mug with ‘Granddaptain’ on it for Father’s Day and actually uses it at home, which causes a small kerfuffle until Kevin gets one with ‘Grandkev’ on it and something in weird letters that Amy assures Jake is the proper ancient Greek translation of grandfather.

(Charles and Rosa do get their babysitting duty in as well, mostly at Jake+Amy’s place, and Rosa ends up fixing whatever appliance is currently broken each time even if they don’t even mention it, whereas Charles brings Nikolaj who loves to play with Mac, and fills their freezer with actually edible meals - if you ignore the ocassional unidentifiable meat, but they’re used to street meat anyway)

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Major Updates to My Weird Idea (that includes my Nightside OCs)

Go check my previous post on this - HERE

This is mainly an update for @schizoauthoress , @the--blackdahlia , @spacelizardtrashboys , @enigmaticandunstable and @piratewithvigor and I personally think @nattinngrst might like this.

I went on a trip to the beach yesterday with my parents and my older brother (who I bored and annoyed with this idea and you'll see some of his influence in this here post)

Anything written in italics is meant to be taken as a joke as you read through this wall of text, sending good vibes as always, hope y'all are doing well.

The show is set in Canadian, Texas (real place: Wikipedia). I'm thinking of this show starting in the mid-to-late 90s (1996/1997).

I've managed to do several things with that weird sitcom idea, so, where to start, how about with the three potential titles:

1 - Neighbourhood Watch

2 - First Call

3 - First Round (Which my brother likes)

Here are some options for bar names, starting with the Cop bar:

1 - The Donut Hole

2 - The Roasted Hog (which my big bro suggested)

3 - The Sherriff's Outpost

And the Biker Bar:

1 - The Handlebar Inn

2 - The Steel Horse Saloon

3 - The Rebel Room

Next on the list of updates: Cast additions, character roles and (Finally after 2 days) Names for Everyone!!

I'll start with the Cop Bar's owner & staff:

Rosalina Asturias 'Rosa' (Played by Billie Martinez) an employee of the local cop bar. Didn't grow up in the town, moved here for work.

Violet Croft (Played by Eli Herne) an employee. Grew up in town, never left, has the hots for one of the guys in the local police.

Sunshine Crawford 'Sunny' (Played by Holly Di Antonio) an employee. Grew up in town, left for college and came back.

Roscoe Power 'Ross' (Played by Jimmy Hart) the loudmouth who owns the bar, grew up in town, used to be a car salesman.

Olesya Pavlovsky 'Olivia' (Played by Penelope Voronin) an employee who grew up in town and has immigrant parents, goes by 'Olivia' because she would rather you don't f*** up her actual name.

Winona Vance (Played by Sam Griffin Silver) an employee who moved here from New York, for unknown reasons, and doesn't really understand the small town, everyone knows everyone lifestyle.

Lavender Whittemore (Played by Victoria Lucifarian) an employee who grew up in England but moved to live in America, settled in Canadian, Texas due to her love of westerns.

Next: The Local Police Squad:

Sergeant Valentine Gautier 'Val' (Played by Bret Hart) recently promoted before the series begins but still on patrol duty, watches over his younger brother.

Corporal Buck Morris 'Buckshot' (Played by Davey Boy Smith) the gun loving corporal of the squad and the only one to have both 'work' and 'home' guns.

Captain Napoleon Cooper 'Crazy Cooper' / 'Captain Crazy' (Played by Jim Neidhart) the police captain, recently reassigned to Canadian, Texas as there were rumours abut him which interfered with his work in his previous location.

Officer Duke Gautier (Played by Owen Hart) the young, recently recruited brother of Sgt Gautier, often put on patrol alone to ensure less arguments, but always checked on by his brother.

Next: The Biker Bar's Staff:

Ozzy Rains (Played by Charles Wright) A biker and member of the staff who grew up just outside of town but loves his fellow staff members like family.

Brock Martel (Played by Henry Godwin) a biker and member of the staff who grew up on a local ranch and loves beer, football and the current Mayor's down-to-Earth style.

Vincent Gore 'Vinnie' (Played by Kane) the owner's son and a known fire loving 'freak' often protected by his surrogate family, the bar staff, Vinnie knows no better than 'ooh, cool looking fire' and must be restrained or have his hands swatted away to stop him burning himself trying to touch campfires.

Raven Knight (Played by Kirby Roussimoff) the only female staff member, but also the girl who does all the tough jobs when needed, has a side business of making and selling artwork, such as portraits to locals, has designed some of the bar staff's tattoos.

Harlow Gore (Played by Paul Bearer) the owner of the bar and a loving father to his son, took Murphy (Undertaker) under his wing when they first met and also treats him, and the rest of staff, like family.

Hunter King (Played by Phineas Godwin) Brock's cousin and a member of staff, taught Raven how to shoot a shotgun and his father owns a local tattoo parlour.

Sequoia Reed (Played by Rikishi) an employee and Frankie's (Yokozuna) cousin, also a surrogate cousin to Raven, having been best friends since childhood. Reed loves his job and his staff family and will defend both at any cost.

Lupe Zapatero (Played by Savio Vega) an employee at the bar and possibly the shortest member of staff, towered over by the tallest staff members but is not any less of a fighter because of his size, a former mechanic who loves nothing more than taking things apart and putting them back together while listening to metal / rock.

Murphy Graves (Played By The Undertaker) Manager of the biker bar and an excellent member of staff, has an outlaw rules vibe, as in he would say to the police "Your jurisdiction ends when you walk in my bar." Very protective of the staff, and the owner.

Frankie Wolf (Played by Yokozuna) the most relaxed and laid-back of the staff, Frankie would prefer to be in the kitchen making potential 'Culinary Masterpieces' as he would call them. Sequoia and Raven's (surrogate) cousin, views his staff mates as family.

Next: The Local Band (Named: Exoskeleton Samurai)/College Students

Quinn Thorn (Played by Jeff Hardy) the bassist to Ros' (Lita) vocals / lead Guitar and older brother Garth's (Matt) Drums, a face paint enthusiast and an English major in college who never seems to find time to study, but always has time to date somehow.

Roz Jerome (Played by Lita) the vocals and lead guitar for the band and an art major who actually studies, dating Garth (Matt) and met Quinn through him. Roz also studies Spanish and French.

Garth Thorn (Played by Matt Hardy) Quinn's older brother and the band's drummer, a major in psychology and a horror movie lover, Roz' boyfriend and almost totally devoted to her, even at the cost of his college work.

Next: The Local Townsfolk of Note:

Mayor Robert Sweet (Played by Jim Duggan) rarely seen, but apparently a good man with good ideas, helps out in volunteer projects and absolutely loves the town. Trying his hardest and people know this, and they love him. (did I meme correctly?)

Rusty Jarvis (Played by Mick Foley) the local hippie who has never left town, somehow managing to know both everything and nothing at the same town. (Very Dude Love with hints of Cactus Jack and Mankind) Does know how to fight when he needs to.

Redd Wayne (Played by 'Sycho' Sid Vicious/Justice) the local baseball/softball star, helps out at the local school/college teaching sports and likes Raven's artwork, he watches her draw when he can, runs the local little league & minor league baseball/softball games.

Earl Black (Played by Steve Austin) the most often seen regular at the biker bar, absolutely loves both the bar and the town, a hardworking guy who has befriended the entire staff (including Harlow and Vinnie) of the biker bar.

Lex Aston (Played by The Rock) a local struggling actor, teaching an acting class to pay the bills and an absolute ladies man, and for that reason he goes to the cop bar, to try and pick up one of the bartenders who works there, often favouring Rosa as she will jokingly flirt back.

Finally (for this section): The Degenerates and Their Benefactors:

Reign Yates (Played by Billy Gunn) Leon's (Road Dogg) best friend, often the getaway driver for the group and a scout for locations, often getting all the info on a place before telling Matty (H.H.H) and Dell (HBK). Often leaves town with Leon to get the heat off them. (and make out in secret)

Zelda Hooper (Played by Chyna) the only female degenerate but possibly the toughest, has a rap sheet as big as her arms, not to be trusted when around the other degenerates as she is usually the actual brains of the operation.

Matty Battle (Played by Hunter Hearst Helmsley) the co-leader of the degenerates, often protected by Zelda or Mark (Kevin Nash). does most of the talking but has the piss taken of him for his looks often by either other degenerates or locals who don't care for the degenerates.

Romeo Colombera (Played by Mike Rotundo/I.R.S) the right hand man of the mysterious benefactor, and often the lawyer for the degenerates as well as a taskmaster for them, telling them what the boss wants done and by what date.

Mark Rake (Played by Kevin Nash/Diesel) the tallest degenerate with a rap sheet as long as his leg, a former bouncer at a now closed nightclub, alongside best friend (and possibly boyfriend) Galo (Scott Hall) and now a bodyguard (when needed) for Matty and Dell (HBK, also boyfriends).

Leon Rose (Played by Road Dogg) best friend of Reign and a scout for the group alongside him. Has found every possible way to piss off other townsfolk and often in the most fights because of it, always on the police's radar for one thing or another and constantly leaving town because of it.

Galo Villalobos (Played by Scott Hall/Razor Ramon) the only (supposedly) Latino degenerate, raised in Canadian, Texas but his parents are from Cuba, Galo is a former nightclub bouncer (alongside Mark) Galo is known (for his ability to give minus fucks) as the most relaxed member of the group.

Dell Pain (Played by Shawn Michaels/HBK) the co-leader alongside Matty, a known flirt with people regardless of gender or sexuality, just to piss them off on some occasions. Dell grew up in town, knowing it like the back of his hand.

Giles Rennell (Played by Ted DiBiase) the mysterious benefactor of the group, bailing them out if needed, he stumbled across the group after seeing a police bulletin and decided to use them to cause enough chaos to guarantee a chance in the next mayoral election.

Zac Noel (Played by X-Pac) the shortest and youngest degenerate, Zac is often treated as the child of the group, being taught how to get away with crimes and trick the police into just letting him go by clerical error and tomfoolery.

Next on my list of updates: Season 1's episode list, episode titles, episode synopses, some spoilers, and the revolving door idea a bit further explained.

Series running order:

Biker bar episode

Cops on Patrol episode

Band/College Students episode

Cop bar episode (yes these are different)

Degenerates episode

(last episode of each season/series only) town meeting/town get-together (E.X: town hall meetings, the town getting together for a sports game or barbeque or restaurant opening)

1x01: Insert Coin to Start: The pilot episode of the series sees the local biker bar of Canadian, Texas installing two, brand new, arcade machines. After leaving for the night, the team finds the bar broken into and both machines missing with no evidence or possible suspects to the robbery. The team finds the machines relatively undamaged in an alleyway nearby. By the end of the episode there's still no suspects. B plot includes an argument between father and son, Harlow and Vincent which ends when Murphy gets involved.

1x02: Hot Pursuit: Newly instated chief of police Chief Cooper [Neidhart] makes changes to the patrol teams before tasking them with looking for any persons involved with (1x01)'s robbery and break-in, leading to a high speed chase later in the episode. B plot includes the squad coming to grips with the new, and much crazier, police chief.

1x03: Making Noise: Local band Exoskeleton Samurai [Team Extreme] are writing new music late at night while Roz [Lita] tries to study for a class the following day but, during a moment of quiet, they hear a break in a couple of doors down and attempt to see who it is. The group get a glimpse of Zac Noel [X-Pac] and Mark Rake [Nash] but not a full glimpse. Now aware of the local degenerates, the band try and forget about it and focus on their own lives until their apartment gets broken into when they're not there.

1x04: Donuts & Beer: The new cop bar opens on the other side of town, serving mainly (both savoury and sweet) bagels and donuts as well as beer (on tap and bottled), the fact it's slightly more risqué gets (both good and bad) attention on the place. Winona Vance [Sam] gets in a fight with Zac Noel [X-Pac] as she's locking up. Winona [Sam] being put in the hospital with a broken arm makes the rest of [Cop Bar]'s staff double down on getting justice for the near break-in.

1x05: Dirty Work: The first episode from the degenerates perspective. The degenerates are just causing general problems for the town without reason because it's fun' but it's quickly losing their interest as the heat on them rises. The end of the episode has Matty Battle [Triple H] receiving a call from 'Mister R' [DiBiase] offering him a deal.

1x06: Blue & Black: A brawl breaks out at [Biker Bar] following whispers that the people who broke in are in the building. The bikers who work at the bar threaten to hurt anyone who works for the rival bar if they try and mess with business while in the biker bar.

1x07: Captain Crazy: A rumour that the current captain was moved location and promoted to smooth over allegations that he may not be fully sane, Officer Duke Gautier [Owen] is determined to find the truth while Sergeant Valentine Gautier [Bret] and Corporal Buck Morris [Davey Boy] are determined to keep the peace and catch the local degenerates.

1x08: Broken Strings: following an argument with an ex girlfriend Quinn Thorn [Jeff] finds his guitar smashed and has to work odd jobs to buy another one (starting a potential series c plot). Garth Thorn [Matt] ends up in a fight with Galo Villalobos [Hall] which ends when Roz Jerome [Lita] smashes a table leg over the back of Galo's [Scott's] head, knocking him out and giving him over to the police.

1x09: Badges & Bottle Tops: Captain Cooper [Neidhart] stops by [cop bar] to talk with owner Roscoe Power [Jimmy Hart]. Meanwhile the Gautier boys [Owen & Bret] interrogate Galo Villalobos [Scott Hall] about what the degenerates are doing and why, getting no information about the mysterious benefactor over than he pays them a lot of money depending on what they do.

1x10: Paid off: The mysterious benefactor 'Mister R' [DiBiase] pays Galo's [Scott's] bail, getting him free for a while but side-lining him too. The benefactor remains hidden in shadow but Matty & Dell [Triple H & HBK] have a meeting with him to discuss money and the next job.

1x11: Written in Ink: the tattooed bikers on the staff encourage regular customer Earl Black [Austin] to get a skull tattoo on his back and even take him with them to the tattoo parlour they frequent, finding it to be burned to the ground with a 'freaks get lost' sign planted in the wreckage. Murphy Graves [Undertaker] dismisses the rumours that the arsonist is the fire fascinated Vincent Gore [Kane] and even gives him an alibi when the cops come looking for answers, putting blame on someone in town who knows about Vinnie's [Kane's] love of fire, which is nearly every person in town.

1x12: Sergeant Heartbreaker: Sergeant Gautier [Bret] is accused of flirting with the staff at [Cop bar] leading to a paid two day leave to get heat off of him while he's ordered to remain at home. Officer Gautier [Owen] and Corporal Morris [Davey Boy] are put on patrol together, leading to a high speed chase of Reign Yates, Leon Rose & Zelda Hooper [Gunn, Road Dogg & Chyna] after witnessing a mugging, assault and graffiti from the trio, the cops eventually lose them down a back road on private Giles Rennell's [DiBiase's] land they would need a warrant for.

1x13: Failing Grade: Quinn's [Jeff's] lack of sleep leads to him getting a fail on an test forcing him to do the semester again. Enraged by this Quinn [Jeff] considers leaving the school but is encouraged to continue following Garth [Matt] ending up in hospital following [1x12]'s assault and mugging on Garth & Roz [Matt & Lita].

1x14: Microphones & Megaphones: [cop bar]'s owner Roscoe Power [Jimmy Hart] installs a stage for local acts in the bar, leading to Violet Croft [Eli] performing later that episode (the closing of the episode into the credits) and the night before the first performance the bar is covered in graffiti, leading to a massive clean up effort from the staff and local volunteers (like Mick Foley & The Rock).

1x15: Trench Warfare: Romeo Colombera [IRS] the benefactor's [DiBiase's] right hand man and go-to lawyer gives the degenerates an list of jobs, run the police chief out of town by the end of the year, run the bikers out of town, and ensure that 'Mister R' [DiBiase] the benefactor wins the next mayoral election.

1x16: Fuelling Up: after closing up [biker bar] Raven Knight [Kirby] narrowly avoids being burned by her motorbike exploding in a ball of fire. Her boss, Harlow Gore [Bearer] tells her to take the week off, leading to her coming into the bar and sitting at the back of the bar, sketching the regular customers and having a long conversation with local sports star Redd Wayne [Sid].

1x17: Brothers in Arms: Together: the Gautier brothers [Bret & Owen] are put on patrol together leading to the arrest of Zelda, Matty & Dell [Chyna, Triple H & HBK] before the trio are bailed out, the brothers interrogate Dell Pain [HBK] (leading to a very 'basic instinct'-esque scene with Shawn in assless chaps and boxer briefs) who gives them no information on their behaviour and why they are doing the things they've done.

1x18: Night Time Fun: the band attends a college party, unknowingly with Zac Noel [X-Pac] also in attendance, leading to the trio being high and drunk and the Thorn brothers [Matt & Jeff] end up in a fight, almost being thrown out of college entirely for their actions the next morning.

1x19: Head or Hart: Violet Croft [Eli] and (officer) Duke Gautier [Owen] meet properly for the first time on a blind date, leading to them walking through the streets of Canadian, Texas at night. The date is quickly ended after Duke [Owen] spots Leon Rose [Road Dogg] spray painting [cop bar] and gives chase after handing Violet [Eli] his number.

1x20: Grunt Work: The degenerates have a group meeting about how to sabotage the town meeting, leading to Rennell [DiBiase] coming out of the shadows to lead the degenerates in a coordinated attack on the town hall. Leading to the degenerates waiting until the town meeting to begin the next day.

1x21: Town Meeting: Mayor Robert Sweet [Duggan] conducts a town meeting, leading to everyone airing their grievances with the degenerates recent spree of activity. At the end of the meeting, paint bombs hidden above the townsfolk go off all at once, covering everyone in bright, almost neon, green paint.

[taleoftalespod]

Tale of Tales | episode: 1.07 “Risen (Part 1)”

Once there was a god who rose from the dead…

In this (year late) episode of Tale of Tales, we'll explore the complexities of imperialism, the joys (and sorrows) of sex, and why you literally cannot win once you've gotten yourself mixed up in goddesses' interpersonal disputes.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/800948/8267888-1-07-risen-part-1.mp3?blob_id=37471845&download=true

Tale on this episode:

Publius Ovidius Naso, “Venus and Adonis”, The Metamorphoses, ed. Charles Martin (0:18:47-0:43:58)

“Inanna and Dumuzid”, reconstructed from various hymns collected by Samuel Noah Kramer and Diane Wolkstein in Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns From Sumer (0:51:22-1:29:54)

All Music Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Track Listing:

“Afterlife” by Alexander Nakarada (0:00:12-0:03:09)

“Tranquil Fields - Eastern” by Alexander Nakarada (0:03:10-0:04:33; 0:54:22-0:56:26; 0:58:13-1:00:40)

“Wanderer” by Alexander Nakarada (0:18:47-0:20:25)

“Stay the Course” by Kevin MacLeod (0:24:32-0:31:17; 1:02:33-1:04:40)

“Ancient Rite” by Kevin MacLeod (0:31:17-0:36:28; 0:51:22-0:54:22)

“Tranquil Fields - Peaceful” by Alexander Nakarada (0:37:55-0:41:55; 1:33:32-1:34:36)

“Send For the Horses” by Kevin MacLeod (0:41:55-0:43:58)

“The Enemy” by Alexander Nakarada (1:04:38-1:07:28)

“Oppressive Gloom” by Kevin MacLeod (1:08:39-1:14:19)

“Reign Supreme” by Kevin MacLeod (1:14:50-1:15:53)

“Expeditionary” by Kevin MacLeod (1:15:51-1:18:57)

“Gathering Darkness” by Kevin MacLeod (1:20:29-1:25:06)

“Burnt Spirit” by Kevin MacLeod (1:24:55-1:26:45)

“Tempting Secrets” by Kevin MacLeod (1:26:24-1:29:54)

Episode Extra: The Afterlife of Mary Magdalene

There is another woman, closer to home for Christianity, who has been known for the love she had for a dead man. Though the number of women at the empty tomb varies depending on the gospel being read, the Christian Church has traditionally recognized the round number of the Three Marys: Mary the mother of Jesus, Mary Salome, and Mary Magdalene, also known as the Myrrh Bearers since they brought precious ointments with them to embalm Jesus’ body. Mary was a popular name at the time — in Hebrew, it’s Miriam, the name of the prophetess who helped Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt during the Exodus. In a time of political dissatisfaction and nostalgia for an imagined past of religious and national freedom, many Jewish parents of the first century named their children with the expectation of an imminent reversal of fortunes. 

Mary Magdalene is an enigmatic figure from her very first appearance in text: her title “Magdalene” doesn’t translate very well into anything. The most common scholarly reconstruction is that it means she was from Magdala, a large fishing village in the Galilee, but even that isn’t very certain. Mark and Matthew only refer to her by name, without any other description beyond her attachment to Jesus’ following. Luke informs us that she had been rid of seven demons by Jesus, but also that (somewhat more importantly) she and a couple other women were his patrons — they funded his work. In spite of her mysterious past as a demoniac, then, her role in Jesus’ ministry reflected not simply womanly servitude but the power and prestige of a typical rich Roman woman helping pay a client’s bills — a position common enough in early Christianity to afford women quite a lot of say in the Church in the first few centuries CE.

Naturally, there was some tension about these powerful roles, and the second and third centuries saw increased squeamishness from Christian men about women’s outspokenness, and for one reason or another Mary Magdalene became, for both misogynist and proto-feminist sides of the debate, the prototypical woman disciple. The second century Gospel of Thomas ends with a scene in which Peter, prototypical of male discipleship, asks Jesus to tell Mary Magdalene to go away since “women don’t deserve to live”, but Jesus reassures him that she can stay because his guidance will make her (at least spiritually) male — a pro-Mary Magdalene take in which women are allowed to be prominent in the Church but must act like men to do so. Another somewhat-easier-to-digest text, named the Gospel of Mary by scholars, describes a discussion between the disciples after Jesus has gone back to heaven — Mary Magdalene tries you reassure the male disciples that Jesus promised her he’d be with them forever, and Peter responds that Jesus would never have spoken alone to a woman, inciting a furious argument between all the disciples about Mary’s place. Later legends told how Mary Magdalene sailed to Rome after Jesus’ resurrection and tried to convert Emperor Tiberius, bringing a white chicken egg as a humble gift; when Tiberius claimed a man could no more rise from the dead that her egg could change color, the egg in her hand turned blood red — a potential source for the modern Easter egg tradition.

Misogynistic arguments found support in Mary’s sordid demonic past and her subservience to Jesus and relative silence in the New Testament gospels themselves. The medieval pope Gregory XIV did the Magdalene a further disservice by proclaiming (with no evidence) that she was the same woman as the “woman of ill repute” in Luke 9 who cried on Jesus’ feet, instigating a number of inventive portrayals of Mary Magdalene as the terrible scandalous harlot whom Jesus converted  into a repentant, quiet saint. A sorry, penitent Mary Magdalene, usually tantalizingly undressed but still covered by her long hair, sometimes contemplating her own mortality via a skull in one hand, became a favorite subject of Christian artists, giving the Church a whore to complement Mother Mary.

The past century has seen attempts to revitalize and reclaim the image of the Magdalene. Some attempts have been less progressive than others — such as the rumor that, rather than a sex worker (gross), Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ wife (good), an allegation that inspired The Last Temptation of Christ and Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code. More recently, Pope Francis in 2012 declared Mary Magdalene “apostle to the apostles”, based on the fact that in the Gospel of John she is not only the only woman at the empty tomb, but also the first person to see Jesus alive again, and the one whom he himself entrusts with the news of his resurrection, essentially making her not only the very first apostle, but also the very first Christian. In her book The Resurrection of Mary Magdalene, feminist theologian Jane Schaberg notes, “Mary Magdalene is the madwoman in Christianity’s attic... hidden there because of an open and not fully appreciated secret, and its implications, at Christianity’s core: that the male disciples fled and the women did not.”

[chyteawrites]

Something So Precious About This

Summary: While Sebastian is away in Paris filming, Corinne gets hit with one pretty crazy idea.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x OFC Corinne Winters-Stan

Word Count: 5.6k

Warnings/Rating: 18+. Hella smut, yo

A/N: The bitch is back! I missed writing these two and this story hit me like a train. I’m super late editing and posting it, but I finally got it done. It’s the longest story I’ve ever written as a one shot and I’m not even a little sorry. Obviously, it’s about when Seb was in Paris shooting ‘355′. Enjoy!

Tags: @sarabeth72 @loricameback @scarletheart333 @justwinchesterme96 @mightymelly @marivela14 @tasteofhiddles @hoodgirl163 @delicatecapnerd @bluegrasscontessa

“Good morning, printesă.” Sebastian whispered over Facetime.

“It’s still nighttime here, but good morning, handsome.” I chuckled, batting my lashes.

“Mmm, I miss you. I miss kissing your forehead. I miss holding your hand and listening to you sing along to the radio while I drive. And right now, I really miss the way you tug my hair while…” Seb teased before Evie walked in to my room.

“Tătic?” She said innocently with a smile.

“Hey, raza de soare. How are you?” He asked with a loving smile. I patted the bed beside me she sat down, her smile wild as she laid eyes on him.

“Mi-e dor de tine.” She whispered and looked at him. I miss you.

“Si mie mi-e dor de tine.” He replied, blowing her a kiss. I miss you too.

“How long until you come back?” Evie asked.

“I just started filming, darling.” He answered quietly.

“I know. I just miss you.” Our daughter mumbled, tears welling in her eyes. “I could really use one of your hugs.” She added as she leaned into me.

“What’s wrong, my sun?” Seb asked, his face riddled with concern.

“Elena and I had a big fight. She said we needed to take a break. I really miss her, dad.” Evie mumbled through tears, her body trembling. I held her close and rubbed her back gently.

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. I wish I was there to hug you.” Sebastian murmured, his lip quivering slightly.

“I wish you were too.” Evie whimpered before blowing him a kiss. “Te iubesc, tătic.” She added with a weak smile before walking back to her room.

“I feel awful. I really want to comfort her more than I can, regina mea.” My husband told me, his blue-grey eyes heavy.

“I know, love.” I cooed before an idea popped in my head. “You need to get some work done, my love. I need some sleep. I love you.” I told him with a feigned sleepy smile while the wheels in my head spun a million miles an hour.

“I love you too, Rin. I’ll talk to you later?” H e asked, his smile wide. That charming, blinding smile that could melt anyone’s heart.

“Yes, you will I love you.” I chuckled and hung up before grabbing my laptop.

Hours passed and I had been able to book us a last minute flight to Paris to surprise Sebastian. I packed most of my own clothes before I went and woke Evie up.

“Hey. I did something a little crazy, but I know you’ll love it. We’re going to Paris to see your dad.” I told her as she sat up in bed, her eyes wide with excitement.

“Really?!” She jumped up and hugged me.

“Yep. Now, I have to go wake your brother up. Go ahead and start packing. We leave for the airport in an hour and a half.” I told her and kissed the top of her head before sneaking into Aiden’s room.

“Hey, buddy. It’s time to wake up. You need to get ready.” I whispered and moved his hair away from his eyes gently.

“Mmmph. Don’t wanna.” He mumbled and grabbed his covers.

“We’re going to see dad.” I crooned and moved his covers. “And I’ll buy you breakfast on the plane.” I added and scratched his neck.

“Why are we up so early?” Aiden muttered and got out of bed as I started packing his things.

“We’re going to Paris. You can’t spend your entire summer break in New York.” I explained and grabbed his favorite t-shirt.

“Plus Dad is in Paris and mom misses him.” Evie called out with a chuckle.

“That too. He’ll be so surprised to see us.” I laughed and kissed my son’s forehead.

“But did you have to wake us up so early?” Aiden yawned.

“You’ll have about seven hours to sleep on the way there.” I told him before going to pack the rest of my things. I grabbed my garment bag and packed a couple of dresses, including a brilliant light blue dress Charlie just finished designing for me. It was perfect for a romantic dinner in Paris. I grabbed my phone as it started ringing, Charlie’s picture popping up.

“Where are you jetting off to this time?” She asked. I could hear the way her eyebrow raised as she asked the question.

“Paris.” I stated in the most matter of fact tone I could manage.

“Why in the hell are you going to Paris?” She raised her voice and asked me.

“I miss my husband and I’ve never been to Paris. And neither have the kids. It’s something new.” I explained and grabbed my bathing suit.

“Alright.” My sister sighed and hung up the phone, undoubtedly rubbing her temples.

“You guys ready? Our flight leaves in a couple hours!” I called out, grabbing our passports and carrying my bags downstairs.

“Coming!” Evie yelled as she came downstairs, going to load her bag in the car.

“Aiden! Come on! We gotta get going!” I shouted.

“Coming! I had to make sure the script I’m working on was in my bag.” He said, dragging his bag behind him.

“Good. Let’s get going.” I smiled and hugged him before locking the door behind us.

We packed up the car and the kids sang along to the music I played. I smiled as one of Jeremy’s new songs came on, listening to ‘Nomad’ as Evie and Aiden talked about their plans for Paris.

“Wait. Is this Uncle Jer?” Aiden asked, looking at me from the backseat.

“It is. Should we tell him how good it is when we get back?” I replied with a wink.

“Definitely.” My son chuckled and smiled.

It wasn’t long until I drove up to the airport and found my sister and her husband waiting for me. Kevin helped get our bags out of the trunk as I hugged my sister.

“You have no idea how much I appreciate this.” I told Charlie with a smile.

“Who am I to stand in the way of a woman in love? Especially when that woman is my sister?” She chuckled and nudged me. “Call us when you get back so we can come get you.” She added before kissing my cheek.

“I will. I love you.” I said and kissed her cheek before Evie, Aiden, and I walked toward the airport.

We checked in for our flight and boarded, Evie and Aiden sitting in the aisle beside me. I shut off my phone as one of the flight attendants went through the safety lecture. We finally took off, Aiden falling asleep moments afterward.

Once we got the clear to wear headphones and move around, my daughter grabbed her headphones, either choosing to listen to her Romanian lessons or watch a movie. I curled into my seat with my phone, deciding to watch ‘The Umbrella Academy’. Again.

I looked over to my son and daughter sitting beside each other. One fast asleep, curled under the soft, plush purple blanket his sister brought in her bag. My sister was watching a movie as her brother rested his head on her shoulder. I smiled as a text from Sebastian came up.

What are you doing, printesă? His text read.

Watching ‘The Umbrella Academy’. Again. I tapped out and hit send.

Anything else? The response came quickly and included the smiling devil emoji.

No and I don’t plan on doing anything else. Go work.

I miss you. Please?

I miss you too. But you’ll see me again before you know it. I sent the response and smiled.

“You have a smile like you’ve done something crazy.” The flight attendant said as she walked past.

“Something like, oh, buying last minute plane tickets for myself and my kids so we can spend time with my actor husband in Paris?” I replied with a cheeky smile.

“Exactly like that.” She chuckled and walked away.

Time seems to drag on until the pilot announced our descent into Charles de Gaulle. Evie nudged her brother awake before packing his blanket and her things. I sat up and buckled back in, my legs bouncing in excitement. We got off the plane and collected all of our bags before hailing a taxi to our hotel.

“Oh my God! This place is absolutely amazing! The view is perfect.” Aiden awed as he looked over the Paris skyline.

“Evie, your room is right next door. Don’t get on each other’s nerves.” I told them as I went to my room and got in the shower. When we landed, I’d texted Sebastian’s PA to ask where they were in the city to film. He texted me back and after I showered, I did my makeup and put on his favorite pair of jeans and shirt combination, sure he’d be able to spot me.

I headed out to the location, smiling as I spotted him with Jessica Chastain. He looked absolutely radiant. France was treating him beautifully. He was just…perfect. I noticed a stop in filming as he took pictures, making this the perfect opportunity. I hid myself in the crowd and disguised my voice as I called out his name. I managed to get behind him and ask for a picture, still disguising my voice.

“Absolutely. What’s your na…” He started before he fully saw me. I smiled as he looked me over and shook his head to make sure I was real.

“I told you you’d see me again before you knew it.” I chuckled before he picked me up and kissed me. Everyone clapped and cheered at our reunion. Sebastian held me close, his tears hitting my neck like rain.

“I missed you so much.” He whispered against my lips. His hands cupped my face he looked into my eyes. “I missed those eyes. And that smile.” He cooed, peppering my neck and face with kisses.

“I missed you too, my love. I brought a couple other people with me.” I winked as I felt Evie tap my shoulder. I moved out of the way to let him see the kids.

“Surprise, tătic!” Evie shouted and flew into his arms. He caught her and laughed, smiling as they embraced. He set her down and kissed her forehead before he hugged Aiden, both of them beaming.

“Hey, dude. How have you been?” Seb asked after they pulled away from each other.

“Good. I started writing a script.” Aiden told his father with a wide grin.

“That’s amazing! I can’t wait to read it!” My husband laughed as they walked back over to me. Seb wrapped his arm around my waist as we started walking.

“Jessica! I have some people I want you to meet!” Sebastian called out to his co-star as she talked to one of the crew members. She walked over to us, smiling an almost blinding smile.

“You must be Corinne! Sebastian said you were stunning and he hyped you up so much. You don’t disappoint.” She chuckled before introducing herself to Evie and Aiden.

“I absolutely loved you in ‘Crimson Peak.” Aiden gushed, his eyes open wide.

“Really? I thought everyone hated my character.” She joked and smiled.

“Well, that’s what made it perfect. You were phenomenal. The way you portrayed Lucille was so amazing to me.” Aiden added, his cheeks beet red.

“I think your son has a crush on your co-star.” I muttered to Sebastian with a chuckle.

“Oh, no, That’s ‘our’ son.” He whispered and kissed my neck. “I can’t wait until we finish filming for the day. The night I have planned with you.” He crooned and bit at my earlobe gently.

“Not a chance. Tonight, we’re doing a family dinner and we’re all going to get some rest.” I told him with a smirk.

“When do I get to spend time with my wife?” He asked with a pout.

“Tomorrow. You and I are going to a romantic dinner. Fancy clothes, candles. All of it. Just the two of us.” I whispered back and pecked his cheek gently. “You need to go get back to work. We’ll meet up with you when you’re done.” I told him as I motioned for the kids to come over, Jessica following them.

“We’ve stopped you guys from working long enough. We really should get going before we have dinner tonight.” I said, smiling at Jessica.

“You guys are welcome to stay and watch us film.” Jessica commented as the kids hugged Sebastian.

“AS tempting as that sounds, we really do need rest. This trip was super last minute and I know we’re all tired.” I replied with a smile. “We’re going to dinner when you’re done for the day. I texted you the address to the hotel.” I explained and kissed Sebastian before walking away.

Time passed and I almost missed the call from Sebastian because of how much sleep I got. The phone rang and I didn’t register the ringtone. I finally woke up and answered the phone, rushing to get ready. I met Evie, Aiden, and Sebastian in the lobby of the hotel. We started walking, Sebastian wrapping his hand in mind. I smiled as he walked on the side closest to the street, something he’d learned from someone I might never know.

“I really missed you, Rin.” He crooned as we went up to a café and waited to be seated.

“I missed you too, Sebby. I hardly got any sleep after I got off the phone with you because I was so excited when the idea popped in my head.” I told him. “Also, I think this means I love you more than you love me.” I whispered with a chuckle.

“No way. I definitely love you more.” He retorted with a kiss to my temple.

“We’ll call it a draw.” I mused and kissed him.

Dinner with all four of us around a table felt wonderful. My heart was overflowing as I watched Sebastian talk to the kids. Even after the adoption was official, I still got butterflies seeing him our children.

“I really like your hair like that, raza de soare.” He commented on Evie’s new haircut.

“Thanks, tătic.” Our daughter smiled, a soft blush rising in her cheeks.

“I wanna hear more about this script you’re working on, Aiden.” I said and smiled at my son.

“Well, the school is having a competition. You write a script and they pick one to be performed at the end of the school year.” Aiden explained.

“That’s awesome! Do you have any idea what it’s about yet?” Seb asked, beaming with pride.

“Not yet. I’m still in the drafting stages. Which reminds me…” Aiden started before turning to his sister. “I’m actually basing a character on you, Eves. If my play gets chosen, will you at least audition?” He asked with a nervous smile.

“WHEN your play gets chosen, I will definitely audition.” She told him, pulling him into a hug.

“Wow, your kids are adorable.” Seb whispered to me as he watched them.

“Oh no, those are our kids.” I chuckled and ran my fingers through his hair.

We finished dinner, all of us smiling and laughing. Sebastian walked us back to our hotel, going up to our rooms to wish us goodnight. He stopped with me in front of my room, kissing me heavily.

“Rin, please.” He moaned against my lips.

“Tomorrow. Charlie made me a new dress and I want to look especially good for you.” I cooed and kissed him a final time. “Goodnight, Sebastian.” I purred and went into my room, leaning against the closed door.

“Just like when we first started dating. Such a tease.” I heard him huff as he walked away.

The next morning came around and I woke up to a good morning text from Seb and a text from Evie letting me know that she was going sight-seeing. I knocked on Aiden’s door, surprised to see him up and dressed.

“Hey, mom. I was just getting ready to meet Evie for lunch. You wanna come?” He asked, his hazel eyes glistening.

“No, you go on ahead. Don’t get into any trouble and be safe. And text every once in a while, but don’t worry if I don’t answer.” I told him and patted his cheek.

“We’ll be careful. I love you, mom.” He chuckled and kissed my cheek.

“I love you too.” I called after him as he walked away before going back to my room.

I pulled up my ‘getting ready’ playlist and ran a hot bath before sliding into the tub and propping my head against the wall. I sang along to the music as I washed my body and shaved before washing my hair. AS I stepped out of the tub, my phone started ringing. I noticed Sebastian’s picture and smiled, answering and putting the call on speaker.

“Hello?” I said as I started towel drying my hair.

“Hello, beautiful. What are you doing?” He asked.

“Primping for our date tonight. I just got out of the tub.” I replied and put lotion on my legs and arms.

“Ah. One of those long baths?” He chuckled.

“Always. How else am I supposed to look stunning for you?” I cooed.

“Well, I called to let you know that I found the perfect place for our date, but you need a really nice dress.” He told me. I could hear the way he bit his lip.

“You worry about yourself. I’ve got me covered. You have no idea what you’re in for.” I quipped and started curling my hair.

“Reservation is at six, so I’ll send a car around five-thirty.” He told me, that hint of dominance in his voice sending shivers down my spine.

“Perfect. Be on time and be prepared to pick your jaw up off the floor.” I laughed, lightly spritzing my hair with hairspray.

“I love you.” Seb cooed.

“I love you most.” I purred before hanging up and starting my makeup.

I finished getting ready and slipped into my dress, silently thanking Charlie for putting the zipper on the side of the dress. I slipped into my heels just as I got a text from Sebastian that the car would be there in a couple minutes. I grabbed my clutch and responded to a check in text from Evie before I head to the lobby to wait on the car. I found it waiting for me and climbed in, carefully taking my dress with me. The driver smiled in the rearview mirror as I fiddled with my rings.

“Tu est trés jolie, madame.” He said with a kind smile.

“Merci boucoup.” I replied graciously.

We pulled up to the restaurant and my driver helped out of the car with a smile. I walked in, scanning the packed dining room for my husband. After a few moments, I walked up to the maître d, intent on asking if he’d arrived.

“Ah, you must be Mrs. Stan?” She said with a heavy accent, eliciting a nod from me. “You husband said that you would be coming and to find a woman matching your description. Follow me.” She added with a wave of her hand.

We wended our way through crowds and tables, moving swiftly. This place was perfect for a romantic dinner. Then I spotted him. His eyes lit up a room, pairing beautifully with the navy suit he’d chosen. Thank God for Hugo Boss. He was talking to a waitress, causing him not to see that I was waving at him. I thank the maître d for bringing me this far before walking toward the table slowly, my head held high. My dress flowed behind me and I watched as the waitress walked away, almost on cue.

“My, my. Your wife certainly is a very lucky woman.” I cooed as I came closer. Sebastian turned to face me, standing up to take in the full look I’d put together for tonight. I smiled as his jaw dropped and he covered his mouth in excitement.

“You look handsome, my love.” I murmured and grabbed his hand, kissing his wedding ring gently.

“You look…stunning. And even that is an understatement, regina mea.” He whispered before kissing me. After the kiss broke, he pulled my chair out and helped me sit.

“Thank you.” I whispered as his fingers brushed the back of my neck before he sat down across from me. “I originally planned to wear this dress to a premiere, but I couldn’t help myself.” I told him after taking a sip of my wine.

“You could still wear it to a premiere. These masterpieces that Charlie makes you should be seen by the world.” Seb crooned.

“But only you get to take them off. And I can’t wait for you to take this off tonight.” I purred with a wink.

“Cheeky little fox.” He chuckled. Our waitress came back and he ordered our food, the waitress smiling at him the whole time.

“Two things. One, I love it when you just order like that for me since you know what I like. Two, make sure you kiss me or flash your wedding ring. That waitress was looking at you like you were her next meal.” I whispered and looked away.

“Are you jealous, princess?” Sebastian sighed with a smirk.

“No. I just want her to know that you’re married.” I huffed with a slight scowl.

“Don’t worry, Rin. I’m pretty sure she knows.” He chuckled and grabbed my hand, kissing my rings gently. He looked up at me through those beautifully full lashes, his eyes reflecting the candle light.

“I love you, you handsome devil.” I murmured and rubbed his cheek with my thumb.

“I love you too, ingerul mea.” He purred and leaned forward to kiss me.

I heard the waitress clear her throat to signal she was there. Sebastian pulled away from me with a smirk and looked up at her as she set the plates down. Her seemingly genuine smile changed to a forced customer service smile in a matter of milliseconds before she walked away.

“I think that made it pretty clear.” Seb whispered before taking a bit of his food.

“You’re so rotten.” I muttered, cutting a piece of steak.

“And you love me for it.” He laughed.

“I’m excited to see this movie you’re working on.” I commented.

“Because I’m in it or because of your crush on Jessica?” He asked, his eyebrow raised.

“Obviously, it’s both. My husband on screen with my second biggest female celebrity crush? Sign me up.” I told him with a wink.

“Who’s your first? No, wait. Let me guess.” He said with a wry smile. “It’s Hayley, isn’t it?” He added.

“She’s so gorgeous.” I sighed with a nod.

“If you hadn’t met me through Marvel, who do you think you would have ended up with?” Sebastian asked, his eyes filled with mischief.

“Honestly? Probably Renner. But thankfully, I met you and we don’t have to think about who I could’ve ended up with.” I cooed and grabbed his hand, squeezing gently.

We finished our dinner talking about France, the kids, and how excited we were to have some time together before he had to go to Atlanta to film for the new series. He held my hand and smiled that iridescent smile as he looked me over. Our waitress came back and asked if we’d like to order dessert darting to my husband with a smirk.

“Thank you, but we’re alright.” I spoke up with a smile. “We have some back at the hotel.” I added before asking for the check. Our waitress walked away and Sebastian looked over at me.

“Oh we do? What kind of dessert is back at your hotel?” He asked, his voice low.

“Well, once we get back there, you can eat me for dessert.” I purred and stood up, walking to the door.

Sebastian came up behind me after paying, kissing my neck as I flagged down a taxi. We got in the car and I gave the address to the driver. Seb held me close, gently kissing and sucking my neck. His whispers of what he wanted to do to me laid heavy on my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. We finally pulled up to the hotel and Sebastian paid the driver before I started leading him inside.

“You look so beautiful. Have I told you that lately?” He whispered as he pinned me to the wall of the elevator, his hands planted firmly on my hips.

“It’s been at least twenty minutes, so you’re a little behind.” I chuckled and kissed him as the doors opened. I lead him to my room and locked the door after putting up the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign. I ducked into the restroom and started slipping out of my dress as one of Renner’s newest songs played.

“Rin, what are you doing?” Sebastian shouted as I slipped into a new black lingerie set Charlie made me.

“Two more minutes, babe!” I shouted before I started touching up my makeup. I put on a bright red lipstick to finish my look and slipped on his favorite pair of black heels before popping my head out the door.

“Close your eyes.” I whispered.

“They’re closed. Are you finally done?” He asked, the irritation in his voice obviously joking.

“I am. And I think you’re going to love what you see.” I cooed and walked out of the bathroom, stopping in front of him. “Open up.” I cooed before putting my hands on my hips as he opened his eyes. His jaw dropped to the floor as he finally adjusted to the light in the room, a small squeak escaping his lips.

“Oh my god.” He repeated the phrase in astonishment and looked me up and down.

“You like what you see, Sebby?” I purred and walked closer, standing between his legs.

“Jesus Christ.” Sebastian muttered before looking up at me. His eyes filled with that Winter Soldier like intensity, sending a heat to my core.

“Talk to me, baby.” I whispered and bit my lip.

“I…don’t have the words.” He breathed and stood up, bringing himself almost face to face with me.

“Then don’t say anything. Do something.” I whispered, my lips brushing his softly.

His hands travelled up my legs and to my waist, pulling my body against his. He walked me backward, my back hitting the wall as his lips latched to mine. My body was pinned against the wall as his lips travelled down to my neck, words mumbled against my skin.

“Printesă, you feel so good in my arms.” Sebastian murmured as he buried his face in my neck.

“How bad did you miss me?” I asked as I ran my fingers through the hair at the base of his neck.

“You’re all I’ve been able to think about.” He answered and looked at me, his eyes twinkling.

“Then show me.” I cooed and kissed him before sliding out of his arms. I watched him turn around and I took off my panties and bra, setting them aside as Seb took off his jacket.

“Say the name, princess. Say it and I will give you whatever you want.” He almost growled as I sat down and he kneeled in front of me.

“Make me.” I chuckled with a smirk. He grabbed my thighs and pushed them apart, squeezing them while staring me in the eyes.

“Say it or I won’t touch you. And you want me to touch you.” He growled and kissed my thigh.

“Papi chulo. Please.” I whimpered and pouted before running my fingers through his hair. As soon as the last syllable out, his tongue started gliding through my folds.

“So delicious and wet for me, printesă.” Sebastian mumbled, his arms wrapped completely around my thighs and his face buried deep in my center.

I felt him drape my legs over his shoulders and heard him moan praises against my skin. My body writhed in pleasure against the bed, wanton cries filling the room as his nails dug into my skin. His muffled praises pushed me closer to the edge and I felt him pull away, causing me to whimper.

“Seb…” I whined, unable to open my eyes as I heard him take off his belt.

“Shhh, princess. I’ll take care of you.” He whispered as his shirt hit the floor. I felt his body loom over mine, his lips brushing mine as his fingers rolled my nipples.

“Tell me what you want.” He purred and pulled away slightly.

“Just want you.” I heaved, wrapping my hand around the back of his neck and pulling him down for a kiss. I felt him lose his balance and tumble down on the bed, his laugh infectious as he looked at me. I laughed and kissed him, smiling as he pulled me closer. He positioned me to straddle him and looked up at me with those beautiful eyes.

“Why am I always on top?” I asked with a pout, looking down at him.

“Because I like watching you. You’re so beautiful when you have the opportunity to take control.” He whispered and kissed my hand as he slid into me slowly. The way he moaned as he filled me sent a shiver down my spine.

Sebastian looked up at me as I moved my hips slowly, his fingers tracing my skin as I braced my hand on his chest. I felt his heart beat against my palm, almost in the same rhythm of my hips rocking against his. His breathing hitched as his nails gently started digging into my hips.

“God, you’re gorgeous.” He muttered, his lashes falling heavily against his cheek.

“Seb…” It was all I could manage before clapping my hand over his mouth. “Shhh.” I added, my hips rocking harder and faster against his.

“Fuck.” He mumbled, the sound muffled by my hand. He licked my hand and looked up at me with a smirk, pulling my hand away.

“Cheeky shit.” I chuckled and slowed my pace. I cupped his face and kissed him as his arms wrapped around my body.

“Beautiful printesă.” He cooed and flipped us over suddenly. I felt his lips on my neck as he thrusted into me, his body shaking against mine.

Time seemed to slow when ever he kissed my neck, but the world melted away when his eyes met mine. There was a primal lust that marriage seemed to dim in my friends. Then there was a pure love. The way his lips brushed mine and his fingers laced with mine as his hips rolled slowly sent a fire through me.

“You’re so beautiful.” Sebastian crooned.

“So…handsome…” I muttered and found his hand, squeezing it as he pumped his hips faster.

He buried his face deeper into my neck and his moans and gasps were almost deafening until my heartbeat drowned them out. His thrusts went from slow and passionate to quick and erratic, one hand squeezing mine. I buried my face in one the pillows and stifled my moans as he held on to me tight.

“Fuck, Rin.” Seb moaned before spilling into me, his body shivering. I felt him collapse and roll over beside me, his breathing heavy.

“I love you.” I cooed and ran my thumb over his cheek.

“I love you too, regina mea.” He mumbled. I watched him lay still, his breathing evening out. “Now, c’mere and let me get another taste of you.” He chuckled and helped me straddle his face.

“Fuck.” I panted as his tongue slid through my folds. I felt him flick his tongue over my clit, sending shivers up my spine.

His hands stayed on me as I braced myself against the wall, moaning as my hips bucked against his face. Muffled praised and filthy words were spoken against my thighs before he returned to sucking and licking my center. After what felt like an eternity, my body started shaking and my mouth fell open, a silent scream leaving as I reached my climax.

I fell on the bed beside him, panting and shaking. I felt his fingers brush my flesh gently before he stood up and grabbed one of his t-shirts I’d packed and helped me put it on.

“I love you.” I murmured, curling into his lap as he held me close.

“I love you too.” He whispered and kissed my temple. Just as he lifted my chin to kiss me, both of our phones rang. I grabbed mine and saw my work phone number, I answered as Seb answered his. I looked at him after hanging up, seeing he had his phone muted.

“Kevin?” I asked before standing up.

“Yeah. He wants me in…” Sebastian started.

“…San Diego?” We said at the same time, his brows furrowed as he looked at me.

“That was Alex from work. Turns out Kevin’s assistant called and said I had to head there too. Now, the real question is this: do we take the kids with us?” I asked and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Is Charlie willing to look after Callie and Bo for that long?” He replied with his own question.

“Oh yeah. And the kids and I will go home after the convention and you can go finish filming…wherever you have to finish filming.” I answered and chuckled.

“Let me tell Kevin.” He crooned and kissed me before getting back on the phone as I texted our children. Sebastian got off the phone and pulled me on to the bed, kissing me and giggling.

“Our life is never boring, is it?” He asked and played with my hair.

“You wouldn’t like it if it was.” I cooed and kissed his forehead. “C’mon. Let’s get some sleep, handsome. We’ve got some big plans.” I added and covered us up, my body spooning his.

“I love you, Rin.” He whispered and yawned.

“I love you too, Sebby.” I murmured and held on to him tight, falling asleep to the rise and fall of his breathing.

[mystery-deer]

ray goes all out for kevin’s birthday

(I tried to write a fic but I got bored halfway through but I didn’t want to NOT answer this so ple ase enjoy this half finished fic as best you can!)

___________________________________________________________  “Look at you all…just talking. Talking away like this is business as usual.”The nine-nine looked at each other, they were used to being interrupted from arguments by their captain but this time felt different. Mostly because they were not in argument or shenanigan and were instead working with only slight breaks to chat. 

“Uh…sir? Is everything alright?” Terry asked, getting up from his desk. “Is there a problem?”“No.” The captain sighed. “You’re not even looking at the problem. What’s the problem Jeffords?”Silence as the bull pen exchanged worried looks. “Uh…”“What is the problem Jeffords?”“I…um, moral?”“No. What’s the problem Peralta?”“Did your sister visit and turn your baseball cap around backwards ag-”“No. The problem that we’re trying to solve is,” Holt said, his voice heightening to signal that whatever speech he’d been leading up to was beginning. “That there are good days and there are bad days and then there’s suboptimal days and then there’s this. We are the last dog at the bowl, the runt of the litter and we are going to die out there if we waltz in unprepared!”“Oh my God…” Santiago cried, standing abruptly from her desk and covering her mouth. “It’s Kevin’s birthday tomorrow isn’t it?”“Bingo!”_______ “I can’t believe you forgot your own husband’s birthday Captain!” Scully scolded.“Yeah that’s real irresponsible of you.” Hitchcock chimed in smugly, rubbing shoe polish in his hair. “You’re literally rubbing shoe polish in your hair.” Rosa pointed out, both her feet kicked up onto her desk. “I’m trying to get out the gray spots!”“It’s all gray spots.” Rosa sneered.“Enough. I didn’t forget Kevin’s birthday but my plans…changed a few times.”-flashback-Kevin is reading the paper over what seems to be lunch and Raymond is scribbling away in a notebook.  “Ah, Francis is having a big party this year.” Raymond pauses. “What do you…think of that?”“I don’t know, it seems a bit tacky. He’s almost as old as me, making such a fuss.”Raymond crosses out whatever he was writing and nods in agreement.__ “I was thinking, why don’t we go down to that bakery on 5th and purchase a pie?” Raymond asks casually, walking down the street with Kevin. “Oh no thank you. Martin is going on some sort of diet to prove that it’s medically unsound and I promised to participate as well as he wanted multiple testimonies.”“Hm…” Raymond hummed, nodding. He sneakily takes out his phone and frantically hits ‘cancel order’ on 10 pie deliveries.__ “Honey.” Raymond quickly shuts the closet door and turns to Kevin, who walks into the room. “I- what were you doing?”“Nothing. You were about to say something?”“Yes. I’m writing a paper about the prevalence of alcoholism in the gay community due to the chief lgbt spaces being bars and such. Because of this young people in the community begin drinking earlier than they might have otherwise due to wanting to be social and make friends with people they can relate to.”“…Ah. Did you need something from me in relation to that?”“No. I just enjoy keeping you up to date on my work.”“How romantic.” Raymond smiled and Kevin returned the gesture, walking out the room and closing the door.Raymond sighed dreamily and the closet opened to reveal Debbie, also smiling. “So is wine tasting out out?”-flash back ends- “Don’t you guys always go out to dinner or something lame like that?” Diaz asks. “Well yes but I…wanted to make this one special.”“With all due respect sir-”“Peralta.”“Kevin’s not a hard guy to impress…when you’re Raymond Holt and no one else. He thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread.”Amy and Holt share a smug look and chuckle. “Oh Peralta I hardly think me and Otto Rohwedder are even comparable in the mind of any sane man.” Amy lets out a bark of laughter and Holt leans back in his chair, satisfied.“God, I hate when you guys are like this.” Rosa moans.“Enough chit chat!” Everyone turns to the door, where Charles is standing, holding a large binder covered in lisa frank food and heart stickers. Amy gasps as the binder is tossed onto the Captain’s desk and Jake tilts his head, trying to determine if it’s the size of the binder or the way it’s casually tossed onto the desk that caused the outburst.“Let’s plan this baby.”_____________________ Kevin got off the train and began walking home, yawning. He checked his phone and read a text from Gina. Gina: Heyy so hows the plan goin??? Along with a string of boxes that always accompanied Gina’s texts. He had no idea what they meant and at this point it would be a bit awkward to bring up.You: Very well. Raymond is home and we are having a quiet night in.Gina: brb just got a text from JakeKevin put his phone back in his pocket and took out his keys, unlocking his door and stepping into his home to see-“CHARLES I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SUGGEST A MASSAGE LINE AGAIN I’M GONNA SQUEEZE YOUR HEAD LIKE A WATERMELON!”Utter chaos.His phone vibrated and he took it out again, feeling shell-shocked. Gina: oohhhhh maybe not THAT quiet ____________________ An hour later the following events had transpired.    Amy had nearly fainted when Martin recognized her and asked how her teeth were doing.Terry and Charles had gotten into a long argument about romantic gestures which led to both of them spending five thousand dollars in gifts to their respective wives.Rosa had brandished a machete to cut the cake that Charles had made, which proved a mistake as the cake was for some reason made of meat. Specifically fish.Amy had to down two bottles of her allergy medication after Cheddar had gotten loose and chased her around the house, thinking they were playing some sort of game.Scully and Hitchcock attempted to sell Debbie Nutriboom smoothies.And Jake had proposed they play Just Dance which he was so horrendous at that he nearly had some sort of heart attack from all the exertion. Rosa meanwhile crushed everyone in her path to victory. “Hey, where’s Kevin?” Asked Charles, looking away from Rosa’s fantastic moves to ‘Circus’ on extreme mode.“I don’t know, I’ll go find him.” Terry said, getting up and searching the house. He found him upstairs in what seemed to be a room entirely devoted to paperwork. He had Cheddar on his lap and both of their eyes were closed. “Is Terry interrupting something?” Kevin opened his eyes but Cheddar’s remained closed though his tail began wagging. “Oh, Jeffords. Welcome. To the pity party.”“What’s wrong? Was it the ice sculpture of you that Jake broke the head off of?”“No.”“Was it that Charles’ meal was entirely fish based?”“Oh no I didn’t eat any of that. Did you know that he put fish in the water?”Terry nodded gravelly and Kevin placed a hand on his back in consolation. “I appreciate that this all for me and that you all went through the trouble of making this night rather extravagant but what I really wanted was-” The door behind them opened suddenly and when they both turned to look they saw Holt closing it again, glancing around as if worried. “Raymond what are y-”“Kevin? Why are you and Jeffords in here?” He sat down next to them. “Were you capitalizing on your seven minutes in heaven?”“You don’t know what that is.” Terry pointed out, looking around the room. “Terry’s gotta ask…is this room really just for paperwork?”“It’s for taxes.” Kevin replied in a tone that suggested Terry was the weird one for not having an entire room devoted to taxes.“Right…the tax room. Anyway, now that you two are here I’ll be heading back to the party. Terry’s not going to have anyone beating him at Boogie Wonderland. Especially Francis.” and with that the man left, leaving Kevin and Raymond alone.____________________________________________So the plot of this fic was going to be that Holt wanted to make Kevin’s birthday very special bc he wants to properly propose and ask that they renew their vows while Kevin wanted to have a quiet night in so that he could properly propose to Holt and ask that they renew their vows.In the end they, in the privacy of this room with the party raging downstairs, ask each other and they both accept. They have a lot of fun at the party and at the end of the night they make some very casual mention of the fact that they’re happy about deciding to renew their vows and everyone’s like “WHAT!?? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!??” Also, can you guess what I’m parodying in the…I guess cold open?

[cecilspeaks]

137 - The Mudstone Abyss part 3

Kevin: If this had been an actual emergency, this signal would be followed by screaming and chaos.

Welcome to Desert Bluffs.

Hello, Desert Bluffs! It has been exactly one week since language resumed functioning.

We are all of course relieved to finally be able to greet neighbors once again with a friendly “You should smile more!”

But sometimes with good news comes bad news. It’s also been exactly one week since all construction on the Mudstone Abyss was halted. There are still several creeping shadows roaming about the dig site, causing everyone who goes near there to become so overwhelmed with joy that they run away screaming. It’s unclear why the shadows are still there. We don’t know what they want. Some have said they want us to dig no further, and that these shadows are responsible for our loss of language. I think they came out to see the beautiful craftsmanship on our Mudstone Abyss.

Mayor Lauren Mallard called for a halt to construction despite adamant protests from the media. The media spent the past week constantly texting and calling the mayor, telling her construction must continue, because it has been the media’s dream since childhood to bring a grand physical testament to the Smiling God’s endless happiness and love. But the mayor has been slow to respond. She’s probably busy scheduling contractors to restart work on the monument. Maybe the media should try texting the mayor again.

[typing noises] Why… is construction… still… halted… Lauren? Oh, that sounds a bit aggressive. Let’s brighten that tone a bit with… oh, bleeding gums emoji… spider with human eyes emoji, cry-laughing emoji, there we go.

The mayor and I have been close for a long time. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I think our more difficult times were back when we used to run a company together. We had some typical disagreements over who was in charge. She thought that because she was the president of the company, she should have final say on all decisions. Whereas I knew that I was one of the Smiling God’s chosen prophets, and our all-loving devourer would not choose a prophet who made mistakes. I believe ceasing construction was a mistake. Certainly our mayor thinks digging the Mudstone Abyss is somehow connected to our loss of language, and I appreciate her concern, but there is only anecdotal evidence to support this.

More on this story as it develops.

But first, I wanted to tell you that Charles and I went out again! Originally, Charles and I were going to go to the opening of the Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit at the Desert Bluffs Museum of Art. This exhibit features many of O’Keeff’s famous flower paintings, but reimagined as if O’Keeffe were a joyous worshipper of the Smiling God. Artist at the museum have painted large smiles and centipedes over O’Keeffe’s originals, and the result is apparently quite powerful and moving.

Then Charles and I planned to have another luxurious dinner at Vermillion, but at the last minute, Grandma Josephine and her demons told him they weren’t available to babysit Charles’ five-year-old Donovan, and we couldn’t find a babysitter.

So instead Charles, Donovan and I spent the day at the Desert Bluffs’ Spinning Smiles amusement park. We rode the Spine Compressor, the Esophagus Remover, and a brand new roller coaster called Intentional Sepsis. Donovan was really delighted by all the struggling actors dressed in stuffy unvented animal costumes. Donny got his picture taken with one person dressed as a smiling tortoise. We could hear the man in the costume panting heavily and begging for water. Donny turned to the tortoise and said: “The sun calls for sacrifice because the sun loves all that it sees.” The man inside rasped: “Air! Please! I don’t know where I am! Please!” and passed out. [chuckles] Donny giggled right as Charles took the photo. It was actually really adorable. What a great memory to capture!

We went back to Charles’ house and made sandwiches and watched cartoons, but Donny wasn’t interested in the television, he just played with his toy planes, zigging and zagging them over his head, turning and swirling them in reckless fits. I hope he does not grow up to be a pilot.

I sat next to Charles on the couch, mesmerized by the motion of Donny’s planes until Charles and I fell asleep. Around 2 AM, I woke up. Donovan had put himself into bed and Charles was snoring softly against my shoulder. I carefully stood up and pulled Charles’ legs onto the sofa. The whole day had made me happy, but not in the way I wanted to be happy about it. happiness should be something you have, not something you take. I placed a blanket over him and drove home.

I’m getting an update that Mayor Lauren Mallard is holding a press conference at City Hall. Let’s hear her speech live.

Lauren: People of Desert Bluffs, after discussions with City Council as well as some prominent and very knowledgeable members of the media, I have decided to reopen construction of the Mudstone Abyss. I know many people are frightened by the shadow beings drifting around the dig site, as well as the ones lurking in and around your homes, but there is nothing to fear. These shadows are merely the impure souls of those devoured and then later (disgorged) [0:07:52] by the Smiling God. They’re not worthy of your fear. These shadows don’t even have faces. We cannot discern their intentions or feelings. They move around in quick jerks and starts, flickering in and out of our vision, sometimes standing just behind us while sloowly tilting their heads. And unless you’re looking in a mirror, there’s no way you can even see that.

So I’m not sure why you’re all freaking out. Plus they are completely intangible. [chuckling]Watch! There’s one right now, passing in front of me. I’m whipping my hand back and forth right through it. it can’t do anything, it’s just a shadow! It can’t eve smile. [chuckles] Construction resume at 7 AM sharp on Monday. We’ve assigned every citizen a daily 8-hour time slot with two 10 minute breaks. We’ve also hired some clowns to come by to keep everyone smiling. As a former corporate president, I know first hand how important laughter is for maintaining a healthy work environment. Skeleton silverfish! What, uh? Silverfish French press carbuncle. I can’t pillowcase slapstick? Uuh, plenty of hibiscus! Yeah.

Kevin: Ah, Mayor Mallard! Such a way with words. Well you heard her, it’s a joyous day. In fact, probably a future holiday. I cannot wait to start digging again next week, Desert Bluffs! Let’s look now at the Community Calendar. These are probably the last non-construction events we’ll have for a couple of weeks.

On Wednesday afternoon at Morning Bird Records, the Society for Painless Living will be holding a protest march against the construction of the Mudstone Abyss. Well, I don’t usually read press releases for such tiny events, but I guess there might be one or two people who want to exercise their right to assembly. So if this sounds like something you’re interested in, I guess you should go to the march, and then think about all the joy the Smiling God has give you and question your motives for refusing to appreciate it.

Thursday morning, the Citizens of Free Will will host a sit-in at the Sunlite All-day Diner to demonstrate their opposition to the Mayor’s order for mandatory labor on the Mudstone Abyss. Huh.

Oh this looks netter! Thursday afternoon, the Natural Smiles theatre company- I love that name! – is opening their new play, “The Pit of Ruin”. Playwright Danika Lopez says her work is an (--) [0:10:36] parable about the arrogance of religion, government and media. Lopez’ play, according to their press material, tells a story of a bloviating radio host.. who overreaches his position, enslaving an entire town in order to feed his hunger for religious power. I like the sound of this theatre company less and less. There has to be some community event that’s actually fun in here.

Friday morning, the People for Clean Sharp Teeth will be burning Kevin the radio host in effigy. I don’t… understand.

[long beat] I’d like to spend more time on this. Explaining to you, dear listeners, that my happiness is not yours to take. I’d like to have all afternoon to teach you about how you must receive your own joy by making joy, rather than destroying others’ joy. But I cannot spend any time on this, because I’m getting word that Mayor Mallard is being forcibly removed from her podium at City Hall! A large crowd of unsmiling people overtook the Mayor and the city council. The crowd used a tattoo gun to draw a permanent frown on the Mayor’s face, which effectively exiles her from this community. The crowd is chanting: “Pete Ma’s handlebars, Pete Ma’s handlebars!” The police have tried using their bullhorns to call for order, but instead of words they’re emitting bird chirps. Language seems to be failing us again.

Desert Bluffs, I need you to remain calm. I need you to take a deep breath and think positive thoughts. Think about the Smiling God, its mammoth wriggling form and thousands of legs emerging from the earth and devouring your body. Envision your whole self nestled in the moist, loving belly of the divine beast. Smile while you do it, Desert Bluffs. Keep smiling. Keep – I’m getting a phone call. Oh, it’s from Charles! Maybe he found a babysitter.

Hey Charles, I was just thinking about you. You know there’s a night club that opened last month? It’s called No Exit. I thought maybe we could drop off Donny with Josephine this evening and then… Uh huh. So you called to see if I wanted to go to the zoo with you and Donny this afternoon instead? Uh.. W-well, I was just looking at the weather and I’m not sure if today’s the day to… It’s not. Charles. I have the weather report right here. Listen.

[“Hymn #101” by Joe Pug]

I figured it out, Desert Bluffs. The mob outside City Hall has dispersed. They returned Lauren Mallard with her tattooed frown to her position as mayor, but city bylaws prohibit anyone incapable of smiling from serving in that position. So for now, we have no mayor. The drifting shadows around the Mudstone Abyss have dissipated, returning whatever other otherworld they came from, and the construction has begun again at the monument dig site, several days ahead of schedule.

I figured it out. During our phone call, Charles was getting flustered. I asked what was wrong and he said Donovan was distracting him by swinging his toy planes around again. I told Charles to focus on us and not worry about what Donovan was doing. “We can’t talk about us, Kevin, without worrying about what Donovan is doing,” he snapped at me. “Donovan is us. That’s the deal, OK?” And I was hurt. I wasn’t smiling. I don’t like criticism, it makes me sad, and then mad, and then – confused.

Listeners, I don’t often use strong language, so if your ears are sensitive to vulgarity, turn the volume down for a few seconds. I hate! Not being happy. I hate it! There, I said it. I’m sorry.

I thought about what Charles said. I thought about his teeth, his chest, his hair, his snoring, his smile. I thought about Donovan. I thought about Donovan swinging those toy planes around above his head, like the birds in that dream every one of us has every single night. You know, where the birds zig and zag across a blood red sky, recklessly turning and swirling in panicked fits. Donovan’s planes were, in fact, moving in the exact same pattern as those birds. I figured it out. Each movement, each turn, each path of each plane was identical to those birds’ paths.

Listeners, it’s not a dream. It’s a message. The shadows do not speak in our mouthy languages, but in shapes and patterns. I interrupted Charles to tell him this. I told him to take Donny to the Mudstone Abyss. I told him to bring Donny’s planes. Charles and Donny approached the shadowy figures. The gathered crowd called to them to stop, to move no closer to the shadows, but all the crowd could yell was “cabbage coat hangers!” Charles then presented Donny to the shadows, and they flickered as he zigged and zagged his planes above his head. And then – a miracle happened. Glowing dotted lines appeared in the paths of the toy planes. A radiant geometry, triangles and stars and hexagons. The shapes began to connect to each other, circles forming spheres, triangles forming pyramids. The shadows raised their arms and disappeared. Donny stopped flying his planes around, but the dotted lines hung in mid air, an unreadable but completely comprehensible message to the now silent crowd.

They figured it out. One by one, the people returned to the dig site and began carving the shapes they had just seen into the mudstone. As people grew tired and stepped away for rest breaks, they found that their words had returned to them. And when they went back to digging more, they fell silent again, but only because they felt more comfort in their new spatial language of shapes and motion. The anger over the construction was no more. Citizens came together, not just out of a common communication, nor for the good of a great monument, but because happiness finally showed itself to them, and they discovered their own paths to peace. Through the pride of choosing the hard work, for the benefit of all. 

Charles called to tell me how excited he was for me. “You figured it out,” he said. “Kevin, you figured it out.” I told him: “Donny figured it out. He didn’t spout a solution in words, but in deeds. You should be proud of your son, Charles, I said. I am proud of him.” I didn’t say anything else. I need more time to know what else to say. Soon, we’ll go visit the zoo. Hopefully soon we’ll have a night to ourselves. To drink, to dine, to dance, and late at night in a quiet home, to dream a dream of diving birds, of love and language. And we will wake up the same people in a different place. The earth will have moved, the clocks will have moved, the sun will not have moved. But we will wake and we will smile, and we will do our best to understand ourselves and others.

Desert Bluffs, I didn’t figure out the language of the abyss, Donny did. I didn’t figure out what the language intended, you did. What I figured out was that I sometimes push too hard. I will do my best to not do that. We are building this monument because you want to. I want to too, but I’m glad you found your own way here. Lauren, tattooed frown scrawled crooked on her face, is standing over the pit and staring at the shapes the dream has shown us, as though reading messages only she could understand. She is muttering strange syllables to herself and staring at obvious malice at the workers in the pit. So even she has found a hobby in this – post-mayoral life.

Thank you, Desert Bluffs. I love this town. I’m happy you do too.

Stay tuned next for the sound a child makes upon seeing a giraffe in real life.

And as always, Until next time, Desert Bluffs, Until next time.

Today’s proverb: Kangaroos are deer abbreviated.

[blogwonderwebsites]

Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum

Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum http://www.nature-business.com/business-reliable-sources-kavanaugh-gives-unprecedented-interview-to-foxs-martha-maccallum/

Business

Business A version of this article first appeared in the Reliable Sources newsletter. You can sign up for free right here.

Business Kavanaugh speaks

If you thought this was unprecedented, you were right: “It is unheard of for a Supreme Court nominee to give interviews during the confirmation process.”

That’s according to WaPo’s recap of Brett and Ashley Kavanaugh’s emotional interview with Fox News anchor Martha MacCallum.

From the standpoint of the Trump White House, going with MacCallum made a ton of sense: MacCallum is a well-credentialed female anchor who hails from the news side of Fox, not the opinion side.

I’d love to know Bill Shine’s level of involvement in the interview. It aired in full at 7 p.m. ET, but I noticed that Fox shared several clips from the interview in time for the network evening newscasts…

Business Behind the scenes…

Via CNN’s Kevin Liptak: “One WH official says Trump has been pushing to take a more offensive approach in defending the nomination and that this was how aides interpreted his command. It’s not clear that he specifically instructed Kavanaugh to sit down with Fox (though it’s possible) but it was the result of his desire to be assertive in combatting the claims rather than just playing defense…”

Business “Not a good look for the Supreme Court…”

Law prof/CNN contributor Steve Vladeck texts me: “The interview is a microcosm of everything that’s been wrong with this confirmation process. We shouldn’t prevent nominees from speaking publicly, but to do so under these circumstances, in that context, and in a manner calculated to exacerbate the partisan divide over the nomination, is not a good look for the Supreme Court in the long term, even if it helps the political calculus for the nominee in the short term. It reinforces the view that nothing in this process matters at all except getting 50 votes by any means necessary…”

>> Another view, via CNN contrib Matt Lewis on Twitter: “People are more likely to rally to your defense if they see you’re fighting, instead of being passive.” So the TV interview was wise for Kavanaugh. “He hasn’t controlled the narrative for a week, now…”

Business Latest developments

— WaPo’s Erik Wemple tweeted: “I would have liked to see Martha MacCallum press Kavanaugh on his relationship with Mark Judge. In all, though, I thought she did a good job — and certainly didn’t serve up only softballs, as many predicted.”

— Brian Fallon, one of the left’s leading anti-Kavanaugh organizers, tweeted that “MacCallum is pressing Kavanaugh more than I would have guessed…”

— Perhaps the most memorable Q&A was about Kavanaugh’s virginity… He said he didn’t have “anything close to sexual intercourse in high school or for many years thereafter…” Of course, intercourse isn’t at issue here…

— The TIME’S UP initiative just came out and said “the time has come” for Kavanaugh to withdraw…

— Earlier in the day, Mitch McConnell said “Judge Kavanaugh will be voted on here on the Senate floor…”

— A WaPo reporter found Mark Judge “holed up in the house of a longtime friend in Bethany Beach, nearly three hours” from DC…

— Trump’s best/worst typo ever? At 10:37 p.m. ET, he tweeted that the Dems are pushing “False Acquisitions.” He meant “false accusations.” He deleted and reposted the tweet…

Business Debating the New Yorker’s decision

Ronan Farrow and Jane Mayer spent much of Monday explaining and defending their reporting about Deborah Ramirez. Charles C.W. Cooke, channeling many conservatives’ reactions to the story, said it “looks reckless beyond all reason.” Drudge’s Monday evening headline asked, “RONAN MISFIRES?”

Beyond the partisan battling, many journalists raised questions about the lack of corroboration of Ramirez’s account, and the fact that it took time for Ramirez to assess her own memories. Some suggested that their news outlets would not have published the story. Mayer rejected that — and pointed out that she “found a classmate who heard the identical story at the time.” Farrow said on “New Day” that “this is a fairly high level of evidence for this kind of a case.” And David Remnick noted that the pair “wrote with fairness and transparency about what doubts there might be.”

Other arguments in the mag’s favor: Ramirez agreed to go on the record. And Democratic senators were aware of the allegation and were already looking into it. So the debate continues…

>> The NYT said that it “had conducted numerous interviews but was unable to corroborate” Ramirez’s story. Some folks tried to turn this into the NYT v. TNY. But the paper dismissed that, noting that it “did not rebut her account and, unlike The New Yorker, was not able to obtain an interview with Ms. Ramirez…”

>> BTW: Given Farrow’s very public dispute with NBC News, Monday’s TV rollout made sense: Mayer was on NBC and MSNBC’s morning shows while Farrow was on ABC and CNN. Mayer also did CBS…

>> Correction: Yesterday I said that this was Farrow and Mayer’s second co-production. It was actually their third story together…

Business “The weaponization of haste”

Megan Thomas emails: This is a really good one from The Atlantic’s Megan Garber on “#WhyIDidn’tReport and the weaponization of haste.” This line stands out: “The game clock, the time bombs, the midterms, the calendar, the fleeting moment, the lifetime appointment, the mechanical tickings of political partisanship…”

Business All eyes on Rod Rosenstein

I was on a plane half the day, blissfully free of WiFi, so when I landed and loaded Twitter, I was super confused. There were tweets about Rod Rosenstein resigning, not resigning, thinking of leaving his job, staying in his job, etc. The tweets were out of order, of course, because of Twitter’s terrible algorithmic timeline. News apps were a much better way of finding out what really happened. By the end of the day, the NYT and CNN had excellent tick-tocks…

Business Thursday, Thursday, Thursday

Trump is set to meet with Rosenstein on the very same day that Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford are set to testify.

>> Jim Acosta on “AC360” Monday night: “It’s almost going to be like watching tennis, looking up and down Pennsylvania Avenue.”

>> NYT’s James Poniewozik had the tweet of the day: “Thursday would be a good day for CNN to launch CNN8, ‘The Ocho.’”

Business “Anyone’s guess”

Maggie Haberman on “AC360:” “What will happen on Thursday is anyone’s guess. People I’ve spoken to around the president are not certain what will happen. They’re not certain whether Rosenstein will really walk in and say ‘I’m resigning…”’

Business FOR THE RECORD, PART ONE

— Ed O’Keefe called this a “metaphoric moment at the White House today.” While he was live on CBSN, “discussing a false alarm shakeup at the Justice Department, they tested the alert system on the White House grounds. It was only a test. All of it…” (Twitter)

— “Kevin Systrom and Mike Krieger, the co-founders of the photo-sharing app Instagram, have resigned and plan to leave the company in coming weeks,” Mike Isaac scoops… (NYT)

— A must-read: Robert Silverman on the “culture of online hate” promoted byBarstool Sports… (Beast)

Business SiriusXM is Pandora’s savior

They’re billing the combo as “the world’s largest audio entertainment company.” SiriusXM is paying $3.5 billion in an all-stock deal for Pandora that had been foreshadowed for a while. As Chris Isidore reports here, “Pandora’s ability to stay an independent company was very much in doubt. SiriusXM had already invested $480 million to buy 19% of Pandora’s stock last year, and it was widely reported to be looking at a full purchase…”

— Peter Kafka tweeted: “Giant satellite audio company buying giant internet audio company could be an antitrust problem, but this one seems to pass what economists call the Trump/Murdoch test…”

Business Telegdy and Cheeks promoted at NBC

“Two veteran NBC executives — George Cheeks and Paul Telegdy — were named co-chairmen of NBC Entertainment on Monday, replacing Bob Greenblatt at a time of upheaval in network television,” the LAT’s Meg James writes.

It was reported on Friday that Greenblatt was ready to step down, and was going to talk with Steve Burke about it over the weekend. “But if his departure is not a surprise, the suddenness is. His last day is Monday, the same day the 2018-19 television season begins,” the NYT’s John Koblin writes.

Greenblatt said something similar in interviews with both Timeses: These jobs are challenging and tiring, and he’s ready to try something new…

>> Other factors noted by Koblin: “Greenblatt wanted to see if Comcast’s last-minute bid for 21st Century Fox’s properties would work and could possibly expand NBC’s portfolio. (It did not.) And two of Mr. Greenblatt’s close friends — the producer Craig Zadan and the Broadway star Marin Mazzie — have died in the last five weeks…”

Business Lowry’s take

Brian Lowry emails: Telegdy’s promotion at NBC Entertainment reflects a slightly wider lens in terms of the path to top entertainment jobs at the broadcast networks. Telegdy comes out of the reality/alternative area, just as CBS Entertainment prez Kelly Kahl rose through the ranks in scheduling. Both are paired with a veteran development executive, in Telegdy’s case, Cheeks…

Business NBC gets a huge Tiger bump

Frank Pallotta emails: Tiger Woods’ first victory in five years came with a huge ratings boost for NBC. The network’s coverage of the Tour Championship on Sunday earned a 5.2 overnight rating, a 206% spike over last year’s tournament. 206%! The telecast peaked at a 7.1 rating as Woods finished his round, ending his long victory drought. As a golf fan, I’m happy to see Tiger back but likely not as happy as NBC execs…

>> USA Today’s Dan Wolken: “Tiger Woods’ first win in five years feels like a new beginning, not the end…”

Business FOR THE RECORD, PART TWO

— Ryan Broderick’s latest: “Reddit’s largest pro-Trump subreddit appears to have been targeted by Russian propaganda for years…” (BF)

— “Sky shareholders are having a great day. Comcast investors? Not so much.” Here’s Hadas Gold’s full story… (CNN)

— “James Lipton is leaving the Actors Studio.” The program’s new home on cable, Ovation, says “a rotating roster of hosts still to be determined will replace Lipton,” effective next fall… (EW)

Business ABC touting its nightly news win

Nightly news #’s for the full 2017-18 broadcast TV season will officially come out on Tuesday… ABC’s “World News Tonight with David Muir” will be celebrating its second yearly win in the total viewer category… “NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt” remains #1 in the 25-54 demo (22 seasons in a row!), but ABC has been making gains in the demo too…

Read more of Monday’s Reliable Sources newsletter… And subscribe here to receive future editions in your inbox…

The big picture: Some of the 6:30 viewership gains of the past few years have dissipated. CBS has lost both total viewership and demo audience in the past year. NBC is basically flat in total viewership and down a bit in the demo. ABC is up year-over-year in both measurements…

CNNMoney (New York) First published September 25, 2018: 12:12 AM ET

Read More | Brian Stelter,

Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum, in 2018-09-25 07:44:33

[blogparadiseisland]

Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum

Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum http://www.nature-business.com/business-reliable-sources-kavanaugh-gives-unprecedented-interview-to-foxs-martha-maccallum/

Business

Business A version of this article first appeared in the Reliable Sources newsletter. You can sign up for free right here.

Business Kavanaugh speaks

If you thought this was unprecedented, you were right: “It is unheard of for a Supreme Court nominee to give interviews during the confirmation process.”

That’s according to WaPo’s recap of Brett and Ashley Kavanaugh’s emotional interview with Fox News anchor Martha MacCallum.

From the standpoint of the Trump White House, going with MacCallum made a ton of sense: MacCallum is a well-credentialed female anchor who hails from the news side of Fox, not the opinion side.

I’d love to know Bill Shine’s level of involvement in the interview. It aired in full at 7 p.m. ET, but I noticed that Fox shared several clips from the interview in time for the network evening newscasts…

Business Behind the scenes…

Via CNN’s Kevin Liptak: “One WH official says Trump has been pushing to take a more offensive approach in defending the nomination and that this was how aides interpreted his command. It’s not clear that he specifically instructed Kavanaugh to sit down with Fox (though it’s possible) but it was the result of his desire to be assertive in combatting the claims rather than just playing defense…”

Business “Not a good look for the Supreme Court…”

Law prof/CNN contributor Steve Vladeck texts me: “The interview is a microcosm of everything that’s been wrong with this confirmation process. We shouldn’t prevent nominees from speaking publicly, but to do so under these circumstances, in that context, and in a manner calculated to exacerbate the partisan divide over the nomination, is not a good look for the Supreme Court in the long term, even if it helps the political calculus for the nominee in the short term. It reinforces the view that nothing in this process matters at all except getting 50 votes by any means necessary…”

>> Another view, via CNN contrib Matt Lewis on Twitter: “People are more likely to rally to your defense if they see you’re fighting, instead of being passive.” So the TV interview was wise for Kavanaugh. “He hasn’t controlled the narrative for a week, now…”

Business Latest developments

— WaPo’s Erik Wemple tweeted: “I would have liked to see Martha MacCallum press Kavanaugh on his relationship with Mark Judge. In all, though, I thought she did a good job — and certainly didn’t serve up only softballs, as many predicted.”

— Brian Fallon, one of the left’s leading anti-Kavanaugh organizers, tweeted that “MacCallum is pressing Kavanaugh more than I would have guessed…”

— Perhaps the most memorable Q&A was about Kavanaugh’s virginity… He said he didn’t have “anything close to sexual intercourse in high school or for many years thereafter…” Of course, intercourse isn’t at issue here…

— The TIME’S UP initiative just came out and said “the time has come” for Kavanaugh to withdraw…

— Earlier in the day, Mitch McConnell said “Judge Kavanaugh will be voted on here on the Senate floor…”

— A WaPo reporter found Mark Judge “holed up in the house of a longtime friend in Bethany Beach, nearly three hours” from DC…

— Trump’s best/worst typo ever? At 10:37 p.m. ET, he tweeted that the Dems are pushing “False Acquisitions.” He meant “false accusations.” He deleted and reposted the tweet…

Business Debating the New Yorker’s decision

Ronan Farrow and Jane Mayer spent much of Monday explaining and defending their reporting about Deborah Ramirez. Charles C.W. Cooke, channeling many conservatives’ reactions to the story, said it “looks reckless beyond all reason.” Drudge’s Monday evening headline asked, “RONAN MISFIRES?”

Beyond the partisan battling, many journalists raised questions about the lack of corroboration of Ramirez’s account, and the fact that it took time for Ramirez to assess her own memories. Some suggested that their news outlets would not have published the story. Mayer rejected that — and pointed out that she “found a classmate who heard the identical story at the time.” Farrow said on “New Day” that “this is a fairly high level of evidence for this kind of a case.” And David Remnick noted that the pair “wrote with fairness and transparency about what doubts there might be.”

Other arguments in the mag’s favor: Ramirez agreed to go on the record. And Democratic senators were aware of the allegation and were already looking into it. So the debate continues…

>> The NYT said that it “had conducted numerous interviews but was unable to corroborate” Ramirez’s story. Some folks tried to turn this into the NYT v. TNY. But the paper dismissed that, noting that it “did not rebut her account and, unlike The New Yorker, was not able to obtain an interview with Ms. Ramirez…”

>> BTW: Given Farrow’s very public dispute with NBC News, Monday’s TV rollout made sense: Mayer was on NBC and MSNBC’s morning shows while Farrow was on ABC and CNN. Mayer also did CBS…

>> Correction: Yesterday I said that this was Farrow and Mayer’s second co-production. It was actually their third story together…

Business “The weaponization of haste”

Megan Thomas emails: This is a really good one from The Atlantic’s Megan Garber on “#WhyIDidn’tReport and the weaponization of haste.” This line stands out: “The game clock, the time bombs, the midterms, the calendar, the fleeting moment, the lifetime appointment, the mechanical tickings of political partisanship…”

Business All eyes on Rod Rosenstein

I was on a plane half the day, blissfully free of WiFi, so when I landed and loaded Twitter, I was super confused. There were tweets about Rod Rosenstein resigning, not resigning, thinking of leaving his job, staying in his job, etc. The tweets were out of order, of course, because of Twitter’s terrible algorithmic timeline. News apps were a much better way of finding out what really happened. By the end of the day, the NYT and CNN had excellent tick-tocks…

Business Thursday, Thursday, Thursday

Trump is set to meet with Rosenstein on the very same day that Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford are set to testify.

>> Jim Acosta on “AC360” Monday night: “It’s almost going to be like watching tennis, looking up and down Pennsylvania Avenue.”

>> NYT’s James Poniewozik had the tweet of the day: “Thursday would be a good day for CNN to launch CNN8, ‘The Ocho.’”

Business “Anyone’s guess”

Maggie Haberman on “AC360:” “What will happen on Thursday is anyone’s guess. People I’ve spoken to around the president are not certain what will happen. They’re not certain whether Rosenstein will really walk in and say ‘I’m resigning…”’

Business FOR THE RECORD, PART ONE

— Ed O’Keefe called this a “metaphoric moment at the White House today.” While he was live on CBSN, “discussing a false alarm shakeup at the Justice Department, they tested the alert system on the White House grounds. It was only a test. All of it…” (Twitter)

— “Kevin Systrom and Mike Krieger, the co-founders of the photo-sharing app Instagram, have resigned and plan to leave the company in coming weeks,” Mike Isaac scoops… (NYT)

— A must-read: Robert Silverman on the “culture of online hate” promoted byBarstool Sports… (Beast)

Business SiriusXM is Pandora’s savior

They’re billing the combo as “the world’s largest audio entertainment company.” SiriusXM is paying $3.5 billion in an all-stock deal for Pandora that had been foreshadowed for a while. As Chris Isidore reports here, “Pandora’s ability to stay an independent company was very much in doubt. SiriusXM had already invested $480 million to buy 19% of Pandora’s stock last year, and it was widely reported to be looking at a full purchase…”

— Peter Kafka tweeted: “Giant satellite audio company buying giant internet audio company could be an antitrust problem, but this one seems to pass what economists call the Trump/Murdoch test…”

Business Telegdy and Cheeks promoted at NBC

“Two veteran NBC executives — George Cheeks and Paul Telegdy — were named co-chairmen of NBC Entertainment on Monday, replacing Bob Greenblatt at a time of upheaval in network television,” the LAT’s Meg James writes.

It was reported on Friday that Greenblatt was ready to step down, and was going to talk with Steve Burke about it over the weekend. “But if his departure is not a surprise, the suddenness is. His last day is Monday, the same day the 2018-19 television season begins,” the NYT’s John Koblin writes.

Greenblatt said something similar in interviews with both Timeses: These jobs are challenging and tiring, and he’s ready to try something new…

>> Other factors noted by Koblin: “Greenblatt wanted to see if Comcast’s last-minute bid for 21st Century Fox’s properties would work and could possibly expand NBC’s portfolio. (It did not.) And two of Mr. Greenblatt’s close friends — the producer Craig Zadan and the Broadway star Marin Mazzie — have died in the last five weeks…”

Business Lowry’s take

Brian Lowry emails: Telegdy’s promotion at NBC Entertainment reflects a slightly wider lens in terms of the path to top entertainment jobs at the broadcast networks. Telegdy comes out of the reality/alternative area, just as CBS Entertainment prez Kelly Kahl rose through the ranks in scheduling. Both are paired with a veteran development executive, in Telegdy’s case, Cheeks…

Business NBC gets a huge Tiger bump

Frank Pallotta emails: Tiger Woods’ first victory in five years came with a huge ratings boost for NBC. The network’s coverage of the Tour Championship on Sunday earned a 5.2 overnight rating, a 206% spike over last year’s tournament. 206%! The telecast peaked at a 7.1 rating as Woods finished his round, ending his long victory drought. As a golf fan, I’m happy to see Tiger back but likely not as happy as NBC execs…

>> USA Today’s Dan Wolken: “Tiger Woods’ first win in five years feels like a new beginning, not the end…”

Business FOR THE RECORD, PART TWO

— Ryan Broderick’s latest: “Reddit’s largest pro-Trump subreddit appears to have been targeted by Russian propaganda for years…” (BF)

— “Sky shareholders are having a great day. Comcast investors? Not so much.” Here’s Hadas Gold’s full story… (CNN)

— “James Lipton is leaving the Actors Studio.” The program’s new home on cable, Ovation, says “a rotating roster of hosts still to be determined will replace Lipton,” effective next fall… (EW)

Business ABC touting its nightly news win

Nightly news #’s for the full 2017-18 broadcast TV season will officially come out on Tuesday… ABC’s “World News Tonight with David Muir” will be celebrating its second yearly win in the total viewer category… “NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt” remains #1 in the 25-54 demo (22 seasons in a row!), but ABC has been making gains in the demo too…

Read more of Monday’s Reliable Sources newsletter… And subscribe here to receive future editions in your inbox…

The big picture: Some of the 6:30 viewership gains of the past few years have dissipated. CBS has lost both total viewership and demo audience in the past year. NBC is basically flat in total viewership and down a bit in the demo. ABC is up year-over-year in both measurements…

CNNMoney (New York) First published September 25, 2018: 12:12 AM ET

Read More | Brian Stelter,

Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum, in 2018-09-25 07:44:33

[internetbasic9]

Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum

Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum https://ift.tt/2N0KtN5

Business

Business A version of this article first appeared in the Reliable Sources newsletter. You can sign up for free right here.

Business Kavanaugh speaks

If you thought this was unprecedented, you were right: “It is unheard of for a Supreme Court nominee to give interviews during the confirmation process.”

That’s according to WaPo’s recap of Brett and Ashley Kavanaugh’s emotional interview with Fox News anchor Martha MacCallum.

From the standpoint of the Trump White House, going with MacCallum made a ton of sense: MacCallum is a well-credentialed female anchor who hails from the news side of Fox, not the opinion side.

I’d love to know Bill Shine’s level of involvement in the interview. It aired in full at 7 p.m. ET, but I noticed that Fox shared several clips from the interview in time for the network evening newscasts…

Business Behind the scenes…

Via CNN’s Kevin Liptak: “One WH official says Trump has been pushing to take a more offensive approach in defending the nomination and that this was how aides interpreted his command. It’s not clear that he specifically instructed Kavanaugh to sit down with Fox (though it’s possible) but it was the result of his desire to be assertive in combatting the claims rather than just playing defense…”

Business “Not a good look for the Supreme Court…”

Law prof/CNN contributor Steve Vladeck texts me: “The interview is a microcosm of everything that’s been wrong with this confirmation process. We shouldn’t prevent nominees from speaking publicly, but to do so under these circumstances, in that context, and in a manner calculated to exacerbate the partisan divide over the nomination, is not a good look for the Supreme Court in the long term, even if it helps the political calculus for the nominee in the short term. It reinforces the view that nothing in this process matters at all except getting 50 votes by any means necessary…”

>> Another view, via CNN contrib Matt Lewis on Twitter: “People are more likely to rally to your defense if they see you’re fighting, instead of being passive.” So the TV interview was wise for Kavanaugh. “He hasn’t controlled the narrative for a week, now…”

Business Latest developments

— WaPo’s Erik Wemple tweeted: “I would have liked to see Martha MacCallum press Kavanaugh on his relationship with Mark Judge. In all, though, I thought she did a good job — and certainly didn’t serve up only softballs, as many predicted.”

— Brian Fallon, one of the left’s leading anti-Kavanaugh organizers, tweeted that “MacCallum is pressing Kavanaugh more than I would have guessed…”

— Perhaps the most memorable Q&A was about Kavanaugh’s virginity… He said he didn’t have “anything close to sexual intercourse in high school or for many years thereafter…” Of course, intercourse isn’t at issue here…

— The TIME’S UP initiative just came out and said “the time has come” for Kavanaugh to withdraw…

— Earlier in the day, Mitch McConnell said “Judge Kavanaugh will be voted on here on the Senate floor…”

— A WaPo reporter found Mark Judge “holed up in the house of a longtime friend in Bethany Beach, nearly three hours” from DC…

— Trump’s best/worst typo ever? At 10:37 p.m. ET, he tweeted that the Dems are pushing “False Acquisitions.” He meant “false accusations.” He deleted and reposted the tweet…

Business Debating the New Yorker’s decision

Ronan Farrow and Jane Mayer spent much of Monday explaining and defending their reporting about Deborah Ramirez. Charles C.W. Cooke, channeling many conservatives’ reactions to the story, said it “looks reckless beyond all reason.” Drudge’s Monday evening headline asked, “RONAN MISFIRES?”

Beyond the partisan battling, many journalists raised questions about the lack of corroboration of Ramirez’s account, and the fact that it took time for Ramirez to assess her own memories. Some suggested that their news outlets would not have published the story. Mayer rejected that — and pointed out that she “found a classmate who heard the identical story at the time.” Farrow said on “New Day” that “this is a fairly high level of evidence for this kind of a case.” And David Remnick noted that the pair “wrote with fairness and transparency about what doubts there might be.”

Other arguments in the mag’s favor: Ramirez agreed to go on the record. And Democratic senators were aware of the allegation and were already looking into it. So the debate continues…

>> The NYT said that it “had conducted numerous interviews but was unable to corroborate” Ramirez’s story. Some folks tried to turn this into the NYT v. TNY. But the paper dismissed that, noting that it “did not rebut her account and, unlike The New Yorker, was not able to obtain an interview with Ms. Ramirez…”

>> BTW: Given Farrow’s very public dispute with NBC News, Monday’s TV rollout made sense: Mayer was on NBC and MSNBC’s morning shows while Farrow was on ABC and CNN. Mayer also did CBS…

>> Correction: Yesterday I said that this was Farrow and Mayer’s second co-production. It was actually their third story together…

Business “The weaponization of haste”

Megan Thomas emails: This is a really good one from The Atlantic’s Megan Garber on “#WhyIDidn’tReport and the weaponization of haste.” This line stands out: “The game clock, the time bombs, the midterms, the calendar, the fleeting moment, the lifetime appointment, the mechanical tickings of political partisanship…”

Business All eyes on Rod Rosenstein

I was on a plane half the day, blissfully free of WiFi, so when I landed and loaded Twitter, I was super confused. There were tweets about Rod Rosenstein resigning, not resigning, thinking of leaving his job, staying in his job, etc. The tweets were out of order, of course, because of Twitter’s terrible algorithmic timeline. News apps were a much better way of finding out what really happened. By the end of the day, the NYT and CNN had excellent tick-tocks…

Business Thursday, Thursday, Thursday

Trump is set to meet with Rosenstein on the very same day that Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford are set to testify.

>> Jim Acosta on “AC360” Monday night: “It’s almost going to be like watching tennis, looking up and down Pennsylvania Avenue.”

>> NYT’s James Poniewozik had the tweet of the day: “Thursday would be a good day for CNN to launch CNN8, ‘The Ocho.’”

Business “Anyone’s guess”

Maggie Haberman on “AC360:” “What will happen on Thursday is anyone’s guess. People I’ve spoken to around the president are not certain what will happen. They’re not certain whether Rosenstein will really walk in and say ‘I’m resigning…”’

Business FOR THE RECORD, PART ONE

— Ed O’Keefe called this a “metaphoric moment at the White House today.” While he was live on CBSN, “discussing a false alarm shakeup at the Justice Department, they tested the alert system on the White House grounds. It was only a test. All of it…” (Twitter)

— “Kevin Systrom and Mike Krieger, the co-founders of the photo-sharing app Instagram, have resigned and plan to leave the company in coming weeks,” Mike Isaac scoops… (NYT)

— A must-read: Robert Silverman on the “culture of online hate” promoted byBarstool Sports… (Beast)

Business SiriusXM is Pandora’s savior

They’re billing the combo as “the world’s largest audio entertainment company.” SiriusXM is paying $3.5 billion in an all-stock deal for Pandora that had been foreshadowed for a while. As Chris Isidore reports here, “Pandora’s ability to stay an independent company was very much in doubt. SiriusXM had already invested $480 million to buy 19% of Pandora’s stock last year, and it was widely reported to be looking at a full purchase…”

— Peter Kafka tweeted: “Giant satellite audio company buying giant internet audio company could be an antitrust problem, but this one seems to pass what economists call the Trump/Murdoch test…”

Business Telegdy and Cheeks promoted at NBC

“Two veteran NBC executives — George Cheeks and Paul Telegdy — were named co-chairmen of NBC Entertainment on Monday, replacing Bob Greenblatt at a time of upheaval in network television,” the LAT’s Meg James writes.

It was reported on Friday that Greenblatt was ready to step down, and was going to talk with Steve Burke about it over the weekend. “But if his departure is not a surprise, the suddenness is. His last day is Monday, the same day the 2018-19 television season begins,” the NYT’s John Koblin writes.

Greenblatt said something similar in interviews with both Timeses: These jobs are challenging and tiring, and he’s ready to try something new…

>> Other factors noted by Koblin: “Greenblatt wanted to see if Comcast’s last-minute bid for 21st Century Fox’s properties would work and could possibly expand NBC’s portfolio. (It did not.) And two of Mr. Greenblatt’s close friends — the producer Craig Zadan and the Broadway star Marin Mazzie — have died in the last five weeks…”

Business Lowry’s take

Brian Lowry emails: Telegdy’s promotion at NBC Entertainment reflects a slightly wider lens in terms of the path to top entertainment jobs at the broadcast networks. Telegdy comes out of the reality/alternative area, just as CBS Entertainment prez Kelly Kahl rose through the ranks in scheduling. Both are paired with a veteran development executive, in Telegdy’s case, Cheeks…

Business NBC gets a huge Tiger bump

Frank Pallotta emails: Tiger Woods’ first victory in five years came with a huge ratings boost for NBC. The network’s coverage of the Tour Championship on Sunday earned a 5.2 overnight rating, a 206% spike over last year’s tournament. 206%! The telecast peaked at a 7.1 rating as Woods finished his round, ending his long victory drought. As a golf fan, I’m happy to see Tiger back but likely not as happy as NBC execs…

>> USA Today’s Dan Wolken: “Tiger Woods’ first win in five years feels like a new beginning, not the end…”

Business FOR THE RECORD, PART TWO

— Ryan Broderick’s latest: “Reddit’s largest pro-Trump subreddit appears to have been targeted by Russian propaganda for years…” (BF)

— “Sky shareholders are having a great day. Comcast investors? Not so much.” Here’s Hadas Gold’s full story… (CNN)

— “James Lipton is leaving the Actors Studio.” The program’s new home on cable, Ovation, says “a rotating roster of hosts still to be determined will replace Lipton,” effective next fall… (EW)

Business ABC touting its nightly news win

Nightly news #’s for the full 2017-18 broadcast TV season will officially come out on Tuesday… ABC’s “World News Tonight with David Muir” will be celebrating its second yearly win in the total viewer category… “NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt” remains #1 in the 25-54 demo (22 seasons in a row!), but ABC has been making gains in the demo too…

Read more of Monday’s Reliable Sources newsletter… And subscribe here to receive future editions in your inbox…

The big picture: Some of the 6:30 viewership gains of the past few years have dissipated. CBS has lost both total viewership and demo audience in the past year. NBC is basically flat in total viewership and down a bit in the demo. ABC is up year-over-year in both measurements…

CNNMoney (New York) First published September 25, 2018: 12:12 AM ET

Read More | Brian Stelter,

Business Reliable Sources: Kavanaugh gives unprecedented interview to Fox’s Martha MacCallum, in 2018-09-25 07:44:33

[republicstandard]

The Right-Wing Starter Pack

We often discuss the best ways to try and “red pill” individuals who have not necessarily become aware of the forces that imperil our civilization, or who have been deceived into believing in the post-national, post-racial, gender-neutral vision of “equality.” Maybe they have some awareness that things are bad and that the races and sexes are fundamentally different, but they don’t quite have all of the pieces of the puzzle. Jumping into the JQ with someone who doesn’t realize that Islam is not a religion of peace is a recipe for disaster; think about how you came to the conclusions that you ultimately did. Or, if you came to this site knowing in your bones something in today’s world is off, that what you are told and what you see in the media is not the reality you live and observe but you can’t quite put your finger on it, or perhaps the picture looks a little fuzzy but you can make out the general shape of what ails our society, the following are great books that will hopefully bring that picture into focus and allow you to “zoom out” in order to see the big picture.

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If you are looking for a handy reading list to red-pill friends, partners, or relatives, this is a good one (obviously!) that will ideally “prime” the individual for eventually accepting the whole truth. They may reject the reality—recall that only the young and receptive were taken out of the Matrix in the film for others’ minds were too entwined with the simulated reality and they could not accept what they were seeing and experiencing. Obviously “red pilling” isn’t only for the young, but there are many people who are closed to understanding the real truth of what’s going on and would reject these premises and findings, despite their factual reality, as “hate.” Also remember, even though Neo took the red pill, it took time for him to grasp not only what was outside The Matrix in reality (spoiler alert: or, ultimately, not…), but for him to realize the extent of his true capabilities. With that in mind, I recommend these texts in this order (the list is based loosely on both my own “red-pilling” experience and having successfully “red pilled” several others roughly following this progression):

STOP if you haven’t read the Constitution, and then come back when you have.

Peter Brimelow-Alien Nation (1996)

Written during the mid-90s “thaw” on political correctness, Brimelow’s excellent work catalogues immigration’s true cost to the Republic from all angles—from social cohesion to economic expenditure. He addresses and adroitly refutes all of the common pro-immigration arguments in convincing fashion. Though some of the numbers are dated, all one need do is extrapolate (which shows the urgency of getting the immigration situation under control all the more).

Charles Murray and Richard Herrnstein-The Bell Curve (1996)

Another “thaw” book, the exhaustive research of Murray and Herrnstein definitively proves that group differences are real, and that “cognitive stratification” is a far more compelling explanation for disparate outcomes in America than the bogeymen of “racism” and “discrimination.” Despite the “outcry,” does not dwell much on IQ disparities between the races, but is indispensable in proving the heritability of intelligence and its being the primary cause of social stratification and the achievement gap in an increasingly cognitively-intensive economy. If people can’t accept that different groups will necessarily have different outcomes, they will forever remain stunted and the world will appear much more conspiratorial than it actually is (with a couple of key exceptions).

Jim Goad-The Redneck Manifesto (1998)

A brilliant, funny, and often savage de-construction of the liberal “blind-spot” of poor and working-class “white trash.” It seems their compassion knows no bounds unless it is the brick-and-mortar of America. Major red pills regarding white slavery/indentured servitude, as well as some prescient thoughts on “hate speech.” Illustrates that the present struggle is as much class-based as it is race- or sex-based. Tonally shows you don’t have to be stodgy and uptight if you are “right wing.”

Ilana Mercer-Into the Cannibal’s Pot (2011)

Detonates the myth of South Africa as a “Rainbow Nation”; from racial hiring quotas to economic sanctions and land expropriations that target whites to sky-high murder rates, Mercer offers her homeland as a case study on what the United States will become if it continues on its present trajectory—and it is grim.

Dr. Bill Warner’s The Foundations of Islam and Political Islam Self-Study Courses

If you really want to know what Islam is all about, I recommend these titles as highly as possible. They lay everything about the foundations of the religion out in clear, concise detail, and make clear that Islam is—and has always been since Muhammad’s exile from Mecca—a religion of violence, not peace. Also crucially addresses the Islamic practice of taqiyah, which is a divinely-sanctioned deception of non-believers in order to advance the goals of Islam, which, ultimately, are to conquer and subjugate the entire planet. Women and kafir (non-believers, who are scripturally analogous to feces) are to be second-class citizens, and where necessary, the kafir are to be exterminated. Finally, Warner has structured his self-study course by levels, one through four, which is helpful and allows you to build on the material from introductory to advanced (and now you know where I got the idea for this article from!)

Douglas Murray-The Strange Death of Europe: Immigration, Identity, Islam (2017)

Explains in great detail not only the historical context for Europe’s “migrant crisis”—as well as outlines the principle actors and the ramifications of the “crisis”—but gets into the philosophical realm by questioning what existential malaise plagues (Western) Europe to the point where it appears to be committing a slow suicide.

Laura Kipnis-Unwanted Advances: Sexual Paranoia Comes to Campus (2017)

Yes, she’s a feminist, but that is irrelevant; this book chronicles the descent into madness on college campuses regarding neo-Victorianism and the prudish, witch-hunt climate brought about by an over-weaning administration and un-checked Cultural Marxism in the bloated bureaucracies of the universities across the country which have essentially robbed women of all agency and created a situation where simply an accusation of sexual assault is enough to ruin a man’s life. It is a tale of the abuses of Title IX, of speech and behavior commissars, and of the paranoia and fear that now govern both the on-campus environment in general, and male-female relations both on and off-campus.

Ashley McGuire-Sex Scandal: The Drive to Abolish Male and Female (2017)

McGuire addresses all of the areas adversely affected by the quixotic quest to attain the often-conflicting goals of “gender parity” and “gender neutrality” from the military to sports, and underscores the ramifications of the implementation of an ideology utterly divorced from biological reality, highlighting the negative consequences on every major facet of our lives. Indeed, as with selection #10, there are a great many unintended consequences that are readily apparent to those who understand the inherent differences. As stated, gender equity and neutrality are often at odds with each other, and inevitably lead to convolution then destruction. Finally, McGuire presaged the #MeToo hysteria in her chapter on Hollywood hypocrisy.

Chris Buskirk and Seth Leibsohn-American Greatness (2017)

Very Tucker Carlson-esque; through the prism of the 2016 presidential election, the authors take a macro view on how the so-called “elites” missed the Trump Phenomenon, so divorced are they from both what the American people in general believe, and the founding principles of the United States as a nation and what it truly represents. They address current issues, especially issues of citizenship and immigration, from a Constitutionally-oriented perspective, which is what we as Americans are supposed to do, and provide a blueprint for the way forward for the GOP as an explicitly pro-American party.

Jean Raspail-The Camp of the Saints (1973)

This is the novel that most fully encapsulates the ennui engulfing our civilization, and it offers a harrowing view of a future (or, indeed, present) where the West, unwilling and/or unable to defend itself, is led to the precipice of oblivion. Extremely disconcerting in its accuracy. This haunting novel will stick with you long after you’ve finished. That said, it is only a black pill if you let it be a black pill.

Michael Levin-Why Race Matters (1997)

Addresses the biological basis of racial differences and what the ramifications of ignoring the fundamental realities of these differences are for society at large, particularly our present multi-cultural one. From IQ to criminality, it’s here.

Richard Lynn-Race Differences in Intelligence: Second Edition (2015)

Another empirically-based, detailed, well-researched, and comprehensive text regarding the fundamental differences between the races with, as the title explains, a particular emphasis on differences in cognitive ability.

The Next Step:

Jared Taylor-White Identity: Racial Consciousness in the 21st Century (2011)

Ricardo Duchesne-Faustian Man in a Multicultural Age (2017)

Sam Francis-Essential Writings on Race (2007)

Kevin MacDonald-The Culture of Critique: An Evolutionary Analysis of Jewish Involvement in Twentieth-Century Intellectual and Political Movements (Revised Edition, 2002)

Robert Heinlein-Starship Troopers (1959)

Randy Roach-Muscle, Smoke, and Mirrors (2008)

Michael Hart-Restoring America (2015)

Thomas Goodrich-Hellstorm: The Death of Nazi Germany, 1944-1947 (2014)

Alison Weir-Against Our Better Judgement: The Hidden History of How the US was Used to Create Israel (2014)

Michael Hoffman-They Were White and They Were Slaves: The Untold History of the Enslavement of Whites in Early America (1993)

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Advanced:

Revilo P. Oliver-The Jewish Strategy (2001)

William Gayley Simpson-Which Way Western Man? (1978)

Maurice Samuel-You Gentiles (1924)

Lothrop Stoddard-The Revolt Against Civilization: The Menace of the Under-Man (1922)

Stephen Mitford Goodson-A History of Central Banking and the Enslavement of Mankind (2017)

Henry Ford-The International Jew (1920-21)

Michael Hoffman-Judaism’s Strange Gods:Revised and Expanded (2011)

Richard E. Harwood-Did Six Million Really Die? (1974)

Hilaire Belloc-The Jews (1922)

Oswald Spengler-The Decline of the West (1918)

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The 100 Books Every Man Should Read

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The 100 Books Every Man Should Read

Groucho Marx once said: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” We’re not quite sure what he meant either, but what we do know is that books are an essential for any man.

So, whether you’re heading off abroad and need a page-turner, or just want to have something other than Harry Kane’s ankle injury to talk about on a Tinder date next week, here are the 100 books that’ll broaden your horizons (and bulk out your bookshelf).

Classics

Men Without Women – Ernest Hemingway

Best For: Understanding Women Classic Hemingway subjects – bullfighting, war, women, more war – in a collection of short stories proving that masculinity lacking a softer touch is a dangerous thing. If you’ve been dumped, or you’re just missing your mum, then you need this.

A Picture of Dorian Grey – Oscar Wilde

Best For: When You’ve Found Another Grey Hair A handsome, innocent young man sells his soul to keep his dashing good looks – and of course it all goes pear-shaped. It’ll make you feel better about the march of time and skipping the gym, plus it’s full of classic Wilde quips you can fire off at the dinner table.

Slaughterhouse-Five – Kurt Vonnegut

Best For: Reaffirming War Is Good For Absolutely Nothing Prisoner of war, optometrist, father, time-traveller, plane-crash survivor: Billy Pilgrim is all these and more in a miraculously moving, bitter and blackly hilarious story of innocence faced with apocalypse.

The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Best For: The DiCaprio Nod Leo rarely puts a foot wrong, but even he couldn’t capture the magnetic Jay Gatsby as well as Fitzgerald did on page. Set in the summer of 1922, with the Roaring Twenties in full swing, this is a terrific unpicking of decadence, social change and excess.

A Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess

Best For: Bratchnys A merciless satire of state control, in which Burgess imagined a dystopian future of ultraviolence decades before it became a sci-fi standard. Much of it is written in the slang spoken by teen hero, Alex; ‘bratchnys’ are bastards (and so are Alex and his murderous crew.)

Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov

Best For: Intense Moral Conundrum There’s no sugar-coating this one: a man obsessed with the 12-year-old daughter of his landlady and so marries the mother to be near her. From there, the ground only gets dodgier. The most controversial book on this list is a literary hot potato that will never cool down.

Brighton Rock – Graham Greene

Best For: Seaside Sins Brighton wasn’t always cocktail bars and vintage shops. In 1938, a gang war is raging, and ruthless Pinkie has just killed his first victim. In trying to cover his tracks, he only digs himself into a deeper hole.

1984 – George Orwell

Best For: A Jolt Of Future Shock No list of great books would be complete without this influential masterpiece, which gets more prescient year by year. Winston Smith rewrites the past to suit the needs of the ruling party, who run a totalitarian society under the watchful eye of Big Brother.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Love – Raymond Carver

Best For: Toasting Don Draper A collection of brilliant short stories about the lonely men and women of the American Midwest who drink, fish and play cards to ease the passing of time. Along with fellow US short-story master John Cheever, Carver’s words inspired Mad Men.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – Ken Kesey

Best For: Breaking The Rules You’ve probably seen the film, but this really is a case of ‘the book is better’. Evil Nurse Ratched rules an Oregon mental institution with an iron fist until new arrival McMurphy, who faked madness to dodge hard labour in the joint, brings chaos and hope to his fellow inmates.

The Catcher In The Rye – J.D.Salinger

Best For: Angst In Your Pants Any book about the harshness of teenage life will resonate with anyone who is or has been a teen, but the misadventures of Holden Caulfield have become the set text, and rightly so. He is cynical, jaded, dickishly rebellious. And we have, in ways big and small, all been there.

Meditations – Marcus Aurelius

Best For: Getting Things Done The innermost thoughts of the Roman Emperor from 161-180AD are a genuinely practical and insightful guide to life almost 1,900 years later. Silicon Valley billionaires and their teams love this book and its ideas for the way it helps them to accept the world as it is, then rule it.

The Go-Between – L.P. Hartley

Best For: Keeping Secrets They say “the past is a foreign country”. Well, that’s because it’s the famous opening line of this novel, in which an old man recalls the summer he spent aged 13 at his friend’s country house, as he shipped illicit messages between his chum’s engaged sister and a local farmer.

Fahrenheit 451 – Ray Bradbury

Best For: Page-Turning And Page-Burning In the America of the future, people are addicted to watching soap-opera-style shows on giant screens in their homes. Books are banned, firemen hunt down illicit volumes and burn them. A book about the magic of reading and how we must never let it fade away.

The Odyssey – Homer

Best For: Original Adventure The original homecoming tale – a king’s decade-long slog home after the Trojan War – contains: witches, monsters, betrayal, drugs, cannibals, disguises, a bit of war and quite a lot of slaughter. Every man-on-a-quest story and road movie owes a debt to this remarkable tale.

Bleak House – Charles Dickens

Best For: Epic Shenanigans To be fair, the Dickens pick on this list could have been one of a dozen. But this Victorian doorstop, with its massive cast (including the murky London underworld), is the most impressive and entertaining. A legal tussle over a will plays havoc with the lives of the potential beneficiaries and those around them.

Heart Of Darkness – Joseph Conrad

Best For: “The Horror, The Horror!” In 1890, the author captained a steamboat up the Congo River. A decade later, his novel about something very similar became a sensation. In 1979 it was very freely adapted into the epic Vietnam movie Apocalypse Now. Also, at less than 100 pages, you have no excuses not to finish it.

Frankenstein – Mary Shelley

Best For: The Sum Of Its Parts Yes, everybody now knows that the monster isn’t Frankenstein; that’s the mad scientist who makes him. But did you know that science-fiction was basically invented with this book, written by an 18-year-old girl challenged to come up with a ghost story? Still creepy and relevant despite being 200 years old.

The Long Goodbye – Raymond Chandler

Best For: Prime Pulp Fiction “The girl gave him a look which ought to have stuck at least four inches out of his back.” “He was a guy who talked with commas, like a heavy novel.” “A dead man is the best fall guy in the world. He never talks back.” Just a sample of the hardboiled genius on display in this truly great detective yarn.

The Lord of The Rings – JRR Tolkien

Best For: Hobbit-Forming When it comes to fantasy, there is one story to rule them all. The massive success of the film trilogy based on it does not dim the power of the source material. Amazon is spending $1bn making the TV version. For many, though, the original remains the masterpiece.

Moby Dick – Herman Melville

Best For: A Whale Of A Time Sperm whale eats sailor’s lower leg; sailor tricks other sailors into crewing his revenge mission; it doesn’t go well. A tale of obsession, adventure, maritime manliness and beast-slaying that does not get old as it ages.

Modern

Norwegian Wood – Haruki Murakami

Best For: Brutal Beatlemania When he hears her favourite Beatles song, Toru Watanabe recalls his first love Naoko, the girlfriend of his best friend, Kizuki. Delving into his student years in Tokyo, Toru dabbles in uneasy friendships, casual sex, passion, loss and desire.

Money: A Suicide Note – Martin Amis

Best For: Learning Restraint Wealthy transatlantic movie executive John Self allows himself whatever he wants whenever he wants it: alcohol, tobacco, pills, pornography, a mountain of junk food. It’s never going to end well, is it? A cautionary tale of a life lived without boundaries.

The Road – Cormac McCarthy

Best For: Going Hungry Of the many, many recent stories of survival in a post-apocalyptic dystopian future, this one is the toughest, smartest and the one which stays with you the longest. A father and son contrive to survive in the face of cannibalism, starvation and brutality.

The Sportswriter – Richard Ford

Best For: Knowing The Grass Isn’t Greener Frank Bascombe, it seems, is living the dream: a younger girlfriend and a job as a sports writer. But his inner turmoil and private tragedies show all is not always as it seems, even for those who seem to have it all.

The 25th Hour – David Benioff

Best For: Clock Watching Facing a seven-year stretch for dealing, Monty Brogan sets out to make the most of his last night of freedom. His dad wants him to do a runner, his drug-lord boss wants to know if he squealed, his girlfriend is confused and his friends are trying to prepare him for the worst. It’s a lot to fit in.

We Need To Talk About Kevin – Lionel Shriver

Best For: Questioning Yourself The story of Eva, mother of Kevin, who murdered seven of his fellow high-school students and two members of staff. She’s coming to terms with the fact that her maternal instincts could have driven him off the rails. It’s made worse by the fact that he survived and she can’t help visiting him in prison.

American Pastoral – Philip Roth

Best For: Bursting The American Dream The Sixties was a time for sex, drugs, rock’n’roll and, erm, political mayhem. Swede Levov is living the American dream until his daughter Merry becomes involved in political terrorism that drags the family into the underbelly of society. Totally rad.

American Psycho – Bret Easton Ellis

Best For: Career Killers The film is a contemporary masterpiece, but Patrick Bateman is even more evil on paper than he is on screen. An outright psychopath partly made by life on Wall Street, this bitterly black comedy is a classic that’ll keep you in line should you become a desk drone.

The Secret History – Donna Tartt

Best For: Murder Most Moral A group of eccentric misfits at a New England college discover a unique way of thinking thanks to their classics professor, which forces them to contemplate how easy it can be to kill someone if they cross you.

The Watchmen – Alan Moore

Best For: Picturing The Scene The most lauded graphic novel of all time concerns a team of superheroes called the Crimebusters, and a plot to kill and discredit them. Packed with symbolism and intelligent political and social commentary, with artwork as brilliant as the text.

The Corrections – Jonathan Franzen

Best For: Mother’s Day Appreciation After 50 years as a wife and mother, Enid wants to have some fun. But as her husband Alfred is losing his grip on reality, and their children have left the nest, she sets her heart on one last family Christmas. Virtue, sexual inhibition, outdated mental healthcare and globalised greed are all under the tree.

A Brief History of Seven Killings – Marlon James

Best For: Shadowy Thrills One evening in December 1976, gunmen burst into Bob Marley’s house in Jamaica, having shot his wife on the driveway, and shot Bob and his manager multiple times. No arrests were made. True story. James imagines what happens to the perpetrators, with appearances by the CIA and a ghost.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay – Michael Chabon

Best For: Nerd Nirvana The greatest superhero story ever told isn’t about costumed men, but the men who create them. Kavalier & Clay create The Escapist, at the start of comic books’ Golden Age in Thirties New York. He is super-popular; K&C miss out on the big money but can’t avoid the pitfalls of love and war.

Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie

Best For: Magical Realism The tots of the title are all born in the first hour of India’s independence – midnight til 1am on August 15, 1947 – and they all have superpowers. One of them, a telepath, tries to find out why while reaching out to the others. Won the Booker Prize, and twice won Booker best-of votes on anniversaries of the award.

Robert Harris – Fatherland

Best For: Wondering What-If A most chillingly plausible alternate history, in which Germany won World War II (Oxford University is an SS Academy, and the Germans are winning the space race) and senior Nazi party officials are being offed in Sixties Berlin. Turns out there’s a conspiracy to silence the ultimate conspiracy…

The Stand – Stephen King

Best For: Good vs Evil The modern master of genre fiction’s magnum opus is the 1990 Complete and Uncut version of his 1978 novel. A virus has all but wiped out humanity. American survivors gravitate to either Las Vegas (the bad lot) or Boulder, Colorado (the goodies), then the two tribes ready for the showdown.

High-Rise – J.G. Ballard

Best For: Block Party Politics When the residents of a posh tower block find their sweet set-up falling apart, the response is feral. Minor social differences lead to floor-versus-floor violence. The well-to-do become savages, and what that nice Dr Laing does with his neighbour’s dog is decidedly un-vegan.

A Perfect Spy – John Le Carré

Best For: The Secret Life David Cornwell worked as a British intelligence officer for almost nine years before adopting the pen name of John Le Carré and quitting spookery. Of his 23 spy novels, this is the best, perhaps because it’s the most autobiographical, although the made-up secret-service bits are first-rate too.

White Teeth – Zadie Smith

Best For: The Modern World A cross-generational saga of North London life rooted in the British immigrant experience that’s much funnier than the first half of this sentence makes out. The dentistry of the title is what everyone here – Bangladeshi, Jamaican, white British or otherwise – have in common.

Spies – Michael Frayn

Best For: Playing Detective You’re trying to get through a wartime summer in London, but you find out your mum is a German spy. You bring one of your classmates in on the surveillance, but, without your knowledge, she enlists him in her mysterious deeds. Not a ‘whodunit’, more an outstandingly original ‘whoisit’?

American Tabloid – James Ellroy

Best For: Solving JFK’s Murder In the messed-up mind of Ellroy, crime fiction’s self-proclaimed demon dog, the CIA, FBI, Mafia and Hollywood are all involved in the assassination of “Bad-Back Jack”. The rat-a-tat-tat of Ellroy’s short, slang-centric sentences boosts what would still be a fine secret-history yarn to be something powerful and electric.

Style, Fitness & Mind-Enhancement

ABC of Men’s Fashion – Hardy Amies

Best For: Wardrobe Rules Classic style is forever – which is 99 per cent true in the case of this pocket encyclopaedia written in 1964 by a Savile Row legend. When you get to ��B’, you can be amused by 150 words on ‘Bowler Hats’, but skip ‘Beachwear’ at your peril: “A plain navy blue shirt with white linen trousers will always outshine any patterned job.”

Men of Style – Josh Sims

Best For: Brushing Up Style guides can often be more decorative than useful, but this one, by the venerable fashion journalist Sims, profiles the best-dressed men of the past century so that you can steal for your look the things that make them so undeniably well-dressed.

Men and Style – David Coggins

Best For: Excavating Your True Look It is hard to be stylish if you haven’t grasped what ‘style’ means for you. Coggins understands that it stretches beyond clothes (although they are mightily important) to the influence of your father – yes, him! – your school days, your surroundings and more.

Thinking, Fast And Slow – Daniel Kahneman

Best For: Mind Games Why is there more chance we’ll believe something if it’s in a bold typeface? Why do we assume a good-looking person will be more competent? The answer lies in the two ways we make choices: fast, intuitive thinking, and slow, rational thinking. This book has practical techniques for slower, smarter thinking, so you can make better decisions at work, home and life in general.

How Not To Be Wrong – Jordan Ellenberg

Best For: Number Crunching If the maths you learned in school has slipped your mind, there’s something to be said for this book helping you to re-grasp numbers: a powerful commodity in a post-truth world. You’ll learn to how to analyse important situations at work and at play – and how early you actually need to get to the airport.

Happiness By Design – Paul Dolan

Best For: Living The Good Life As figures prove, we’re all stretched and stressed. So how can we make it easier to be happy? Using the latest cutting-edge research, Dolan, a professor of behavioural science, reveals that wellbeing isn’t about how we think, it’s about what we do.

The Chimp Paradox – Steve Peters

Best For: Retraining Your Brain Peters helped British Cycling, Ronnie O’Sullivan, and other pro sports stars win more. He says our brains are emotional (the chimp bit), logical (human) and automatically instinctive (like a computer). We can’t shut off the monkey, but with work, the other two parts can control it. Reading this won’t make you World Snooker Champion, but you will be empowered to make more successful choices in life.

Reasons To Stay Alive – Matt Haig

Best For: Mental Wellbeing Aged 24, Haig was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and contemplating suicide. His memoir of coming back from the brink is an honest, moving and funny exploration of triumph over failing mental health that almost destroyed him.

The World’s Fittest Book – Ross Edgley

Best For: Getting Into The Right Shape Quite the claim in the title there, but ‘fitness adventurer’ Edgley backs it up with straightforward and achievable ways to lose weight, tone up and get shredded. Less about following fitness plans (result) and more about applying basic concepts so you can exercise in the right way.

Feet In The Clouds – Richard Askwith

Best For: Running On Empty If you love exercising, you’ll love this dispatch from the world of fell running. If you don’t, then reading about the people who commit to running up and down mountains will help you understand why they love it, and maybe some of their motivation will rub off on you.

Real Fast Food – Nigel Slater

Best For: Cooking IRL Encouragement to eat out of the pan, ingredients in tins and the secret to a perfect bacon sandwich: Slater has over 350 recipes that take less than 30 minutes and don’t require much cheffing, written so any fool can follow them. His take on bacon? Smoked streaky, nearly crisp, untoasted white bread dipped in the bacon fat, no sauce.

Five Quarters – Rachel Roddy

Best For: Pasta Perfection Italian food done simply and totally authentically. The author moved to Rome from the UK on a whim in 2005 and taught herself how to cook like an Italian nonna. Veggies will find a lot to love in this one, too.

Roast Chicken And Other Stories – Simon Hopkinson

Best For: English Classics A book beloved by chefs and food writers, for good reason: Hopkinson makes everything, even the offal, sound absolutely delicious. He picks 40 ingredients, explains why they’re essential, then gives a few recipes for each. Cooking, he says, is about making food you like to eat, not showing off.

Made In India: Cooked In Britain – Meera Sodha

Best For: Takeaway At Home Totally debunking the ‘it’s too hard to make good curries’ myth, this splendid work also has pictures showing important stages of recipes, not just a food-porn shot of the final dish. Also tons of delicious things even curry-house connoisseurs might not have heard of.

Why We Sleep – Matthew Walker

Best For: Ruling The Land Of Nod Everyone knows that they should get more, better sleep, but actually trying to do so can be stressful enough to cause lack of sleep. This bestseller unpicks exactly what happens when your head hits the pillow. More importantly, it explains why and how to get your head right beforehand.

How To Be A Woman – Caitlin Moran

Best For: Opposite Sex Education Since this is the book that “every woman should read”, according to one of its many, many amazing reviews, then surely every man would benefit from reading it, too? A feminist manifesto disguised as a hilarious memoir (or is it vice versa?) from one of the UK’s funniest writers.

The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle

Best For: Spiritual Enlightenment The author was approaching 30 and borderline suicidal, when he had an epiphany, separating what made him happy real from what was, mostly, the bullshit dragging him down. Years trying to understand how he saw the light meant he can explain it, better than the others who have tried, so you can do the same, too.

Sit Down and Be Quiet – Michael James Wong

Best For: Boosting Body And Mind The genius of this yoga and mindfulness manual for the modern man is in the way it presents those two practices as things you already do in some ways (habits from childhood and sport, mainly). Then, the ways you’re not doing them – physical and mental techniques – are put forth in a non-preachy manner.

Knowledge

A Short History of Nearly Everything – Bill Bryson

Best For: Well, Nearly Everything We could have put this in the science section, given it is a scientific history ranging from the Big Bang to mankind. Anyway: now think of your best-ever teacher. Bryson is like that – curious, witty, in love with his subject – and learning along with him is a pleasure.

Sapiens – Yuval Noah Harari

Best For: A Selfie Of Ourselves Humans came to rule the world, according to this global bestseller, because we mastered fire, gossip, agriculture, mythology, money, contradictions and science. Harari himself is a master of distilling big ideas and concepts, and his book full of them will make your smarter.

Prisoners Of Geography – Tim Marshall

Best For: Mapping It All Out How and why countries do stuff to other countries because of the landscape, the climate, the culture and the natural resources available: that’s geopolitics. And to get a grip on why the world is how it is – no more important time to do that than right now – you read this.

Stasiland – Anna Funder

Best For: Cold War Stories In East Germany, the Stasi was the state security apparatus, which investigated the country’s citizens to an astonishing degree. A few years after the Berlin Wall fell, Funder met with former spies, handlers and resistance operatives, all with incredible tales.

The Plantagenets – Dan Jones

Best For: Past Glory One of the breed of young historians making history TV must-see again, Jones also writes big, juicy, novelistic books. This is the one that takes in 280 years of England and its kings from 1120, including Crusades, Black Death, civil war, war with France, heroes, legends, sacking of cities and all the rest of it. Truly stirring stuff.

Life 3.0 – Max Tegmark

Best For: AI, OK? Artificial intelligence is going to change humanity perhaps more than any other technology, so you kind of owe it to yourself to know what’s coming down the pipe. Tegmark smartly and succinctly puts forward all the arguments for and against the rise of the robots – because rise they will.

Seven Brief Lessons on Physics – Carlo Rovelli

Best For: Demystifying The World, Quickly As it says on the tin: between six and eight short essays about life, the universe and everything, which will tease and enlarge your brain, not tie it in knots. Perfectly formed into 96 pages that deliver a masterclass in relativity, quantum mechanics and mankind’s place in time in space.

The Sixth Extinction – Elizabeth Kolbert

Best For: Reaching The End Times No prizes for guessing that number six on the list of mass extinction events is happening now, as humankind reduces species diversity on Earth like nothing since the asteroid that finished off the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. This book, grippingly, reports on what’s happening now, and those times before.

Behave – Robert Sapolsky

Best For: Why We Do What Do Every one of us is a student of human behaviour, so a book that gives you a distinct advantage over our classmates can only be A Good Thing. That it’s written by a scientist with a sense of humour nailing his mission to demystify complex science is a massive bonus also.

The Making Of The Atomic Bomb – Richard Rhodes

Best For: Explosive Insight An epic recollection of how mankind came to harness, then unleash, the power of the atom. From the first nuclear fission to the bombs that dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, Rhodes marshals a huge cast of scientists (and spies) and leaves no stone unturned.

Inspiration

Long Walk To Freedom – Nelson Mandela

Best For: Genuine Inspiration The short version of Mandela’s life is widely known, but his detailed and moving autobiography, published in 1994, the year he became president of South Africa, is a never-to-be-forgotten account of his fight against apartheid.

I Am Zlatan – Zlatan Ibrahimovich

Best For: Ego Boosts And Footy Boots He is, by his own account, one of the greatest footballers of the modern age. Whether or not you agree, his life story is fascinating, and he gets stuck in on the page as on the pitch. “If Mourinho lights up a room, Guardiola draws the curtains.”

H Is For Hawk – Helen Macdonald

Best For: Grasping Nature’s Power This multi-award winning memoir has a most unusual premise. The author, when “a kind of madness set in” after the death of her father, drives up to Scotland from Cambridge to buy a goshawk for £800 and spends a year training it.

Do No Harm – Henry Marsh

Best For: Surgical Precision Marsh is a consultant neurosurgeon and this, his first volume of memoirs, is a glimpse inside his mind and, indeed, those of his patients. He has little time for NHS middle management, and is as precise with (literally) cutting remarks and insightful asides as he is with his scalpel.

Touching The Void – Joe Simpson

Best For: Life Or Death Scenarios Picture the scene (it starts on page 68 of this adventure classic, if you need some help): you are up a mountain, in difficult conditions, when you slip and fall. You are hanging from the rope tied to your companion, but he has to decide: if he doesn’t cut the rope, you likely both die. What would you do? A real-life version plays out in this astonishing story.

Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas – Hunter S Thompson

Best For: Madness And Mayhem The inventor of gonzo journalism recalls – lord only knows how – a drugs binge to Vegas with his attorney. In lesser hands, this would have been boring, because reading about other people being high is almost always dull. With Thompson in charge, this trippy travelogue fizzles with mad energy.

Unreasonable Behaviour – Don McCullin

Best For: Life Behind A Lens As life stories go, this one takes some beating. A 15-year-old with no qualifications ends up as one of the great war photographers, taking in Vietnam, Africa and the Middle East. He also takes a bullet in the camera and is pushed to physical and emotional extremes in the theatres of conflict.

Fever Pitch – Nick Hornby

Best For: The Fannish Inquisition The best book ever written about what it’s like to be a football fan, despite the glut of titles that has followed it since it was published in 1992. Hornby’s Arsenal addiction can be mapped onto any club, and his insight and honesty ring so very true.

The Story Of The Streets – Mike Skinner

Best For: Rapper’s Delight It will come as no surprise to anyone who has paid attention to lyrics by The Streets that the book written by the man behind them displays both a love of words and a refreshingly honest look at the world. Part guide to the highs and lows of fame, part unpicking of hip-hop as an art form, all good.

How Not To Be A Boy – Robert Webb

Best For: The Male Comedians’ memoirs are ten-a-penny, but this one stands out because the star of Peep Show goes deep into the difficulties of being ‘different’ as a boy in the 1970s and 1980s, his complicated early family life and what it means to be a man in today’s world. Of course, it’s very funny, too.

Steve Jobs – Walter Isaacson

Best For: Getting To Apple’s Core As well as the amazing tale of the rise, fall and rise again of Apple, and the stories behind its iconic products, Issacson’s official biog of geek god Jobs does one thing few official biogs do: print the negative stuff. Jobs could be, often, a douchebag, and learning that along with the positives makes this a must-read.

Fast Company – Jon Bradshaw

Best For: Taking A Punt Six profiles of legendary gamblers and chancers, including pool legend Minnesota Fats, tennis hustler Bobby Riggs and poker players Pug Pearson and Johnny Moss. “Money won is twice as sweet as money earned,” says Paul Newman as Eddie Felson in The Color Of Money. Here’s proof.

Killing Pablo – Mark Bowden

Best For: Crowning The Kingpin Even if you have watched Narcos on Netflix, this biography of Pablo Escobar will still make your jaw drop. That TV show, as good as it is, only scratched the surface. Bowden, a newspaper reporter, interviewed dozens of sources, allowing him to piece together Escobar’s remarkable ascent and descent.

The Right Stuff – Tom Wolfe

Best For: Reaching For The Stars “This book grew out of some ordinary curiosity,” said its author in 1983, four years after it was published. Yet there is nothing ordinary about it. Wolfe wondered what made a man want to sit on top of a giant tube of fuel and be hurtled into space. In the lives of US Navy test pilots and the Mercury astronauts, he found the answers, and with them wrote an all-time great non-fiction book.

The Lost City of Z – David Grann

Best For: Exploring Your Options One of the reviews called this “the best story in the world, told perfectly” and that’s fair enough, really. In 1925, British explorer Colonel Percy Fawcett went missing in Brazil while searching for a mythical settlement. This book investigates why, and the author embarks on his own Amazonian quest.

Outliers: The Story of Success – Malcolm Gladwell

Best For: Secrets Of Success Gladwell is most well known for The Tipping Point, but this book about what high achievers have in common is a more in-depth and engaging read. A big part of what makes people make it big is the hard yards: doing something for 20 hours a week for a decade, or about 10,000 hours. Start tomorrow? Why not?

Hit Makers – Derek Thompson

Best For: Being In With The In Crowd If you want to know why Star Wars is so popular, and why nothing ever really goes viral, then Thompson is your man. His study of pop culture’s most beloved items ranges from Game Of Thrones and Taylor Swift to Pokémon Go and Spotify.

Factfulness – Hans Rosling, Ola Rosling, Anna Rosling Rönnlund

Best For: Rebooting Your World Knowledge Bill Gates has a website on which he posts book recommendations, and liked this one so much he paid for every US college graduate in 2018 to get the ebook version. You might want to join those four million ex-students and be delighted to have much of what you know about the world put right by fascinating hard facts.

Bad Blood – John Carreyou

Best For: Fraud Or Flawed? It’s the story of the age: 19-year-old founds a medical start-up; raises $700m on the promise of a blood-testing machine that never really exists; her $10bn company collapses, with $600m of investors’ money gone. Was it just Silicon Valley hot air or a massive, deliberate fraud?

Doughnut Economics – Kate Raworth

Best For: The Future Of Your Money Experts are divided about Raworth’s ring-shaped model of how economics should be – the flow of money and trade keeping humans and Earth in good shape – but they are all talking about it. She recognises systems and effects, such as climate change and social movements, which standard economics ignore. Her argument is powerful.

Distraction

Me Talk Pretty One Day – David Sedaris

Best For: First-Person Hilarity The best of several collections of brilliant essays from the American humourist deals partly with his moving to Normandy in France, and partly with his life before that, in rural America and New York City. One of these every morning on the way to work would banish commuter blues immediately.

How To Lose Friends & Alienate People – Toby Young

Best For: Tragic Tragicomedy Young is now a right-leaning columnist and social media ‘star’. In a previous life, he got a job on the American magazine Vanity Fair, and dropped the ball spectacularly. Anyone who’s ever felt like a square peg in a workplace round hole (so, that’ll be everyone, then) will find much to laugh at here.

Our Dumb Century – The Onion

Best For: Mocking The Decades In terms of jokes-that-work-per-page hit rate, this is probably the funniest book in the world. Before social media, The Onion’s parody news site was the funniest thing online (they still do pretty good). This special project magnificently takes the Michael out of news and newspapers from 1900 to 1999. In today’s fake news era, this has become even more hilarious.

Spoiled Brats – Simon Rich

Best For: Eye-Watering Laughs Rich writes the sort of charming and amusing essays that Steve Martin and Woody Allen used to do, and there are a dozen in this volume. But it’s the novella Sell Out that makes this a must-read. A Brooklyn pickle-maker falls into the brine and is fished out 100 years later, to face the hipsters who have taken over his town. Your correspondent cried with laughter.

I, Partridge – Steve Coogan

Best For: Pitch-Perfect Parody A spot-on mocking of celebrity autobiography and a celebration of Britain’s best-loved failed chat-show host and digital radio DJ. Even better than reading this with Partridge’s voice in your head is listening to the audiobook, with Coogan-Partridge in absolutely magnificent form.

The Photo Ark – Joel Sartore

Best For: All Creatures Great And Small As ambitions go, it’s lofty and admirable: take a picture of all 12,000 species living in the world’s wildlife sanctuaries and zoos before an increasing number of them become extinct. As of May 2018, 12 years in, Sartore was two-thirds of the way there. This book covers the first 6,000 species.

Essential Elements – Edward Burtynsky

Best For: Seeing The World Through New Eyes Burtynsky is a Canadian photographer who uses a large camera to take vast-scale images of our changing planet, from seemingly endless rows of workers in Chinese factories to aerial views of oil fields in California. He makes the sort of images you can spend hours finding new things in.

Greatest Of All Time: A Tribute To Muhammad Ali – various

Best For: Knockout Storytelling Anyone saying “print is dead” hasn’t encountered this beautiful object, which has collector’s editions at £11,000 and a regular version 110 times cheaper yet almost as powerful. Ali is still sport’s most celebrated story, and the words and pictures on the 652 foot-square pages here tell that tale in the absolute best possible way.

Kenneth Grange: Making Britain Modern – various

Best For: Design Classics, UK Style A hero of industrial design as good as his more famous peers at Apple or Braun, Grange devised dozens of iconic products including Kodak cameras, Anglepoise lamps, Wilkinson Sword razors, parking meters and the Intercity 125 train. This catalogue of his career is a beautifully designed book full of beautifully designed things.

The Classic Car Book – Giles Chapman

Best For: Four-Wheeled Nirvana Quite simply a treasure trove of thousands of photos of awesome automobiles from the 1940s to the 1980s, with nerdy spec data and potted histories of cars, marques and makers.

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The 100 Books Every Man Should Read

http://fashion-trendin.com/the-100-books-every-man-should-read/

The 100 Books Every Man Should Read

Groucho Marx once said: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” We’re not quite sure what he meant either, but what we do know is that books are an essential for any man.

So, whether you’re heading off abroad and need a page-turner, or just want to have something other than Harry Kane’s ankle injury to talk about on a Tinder date next week, here are the 100 books that’ll broaden your horizons (and bulk out your bookshelf).

Classics

Men Without Women – Ernest Hemingway

Best For: Understanding Women Classic Hemingway subjects – bullfighting, war, women, more war – in a collection of short stories proving that masculinity lacking a softer touch is a dangerous thing. If you’ve been dumped, or you’re just missing your mum, then you need this.

A Picture of Dorian Grey – Oscar Wilde

Best For: When You’ve Found Another Grey Hair A handsome, innocent young man sells his soul to keep his dashing good looks – and of course it all goes pear-shaped. It’ll make you feel better about the march of time and skipping the gym, plus it’s full of classic Wilde quips you can fire off at the dinner table.

Slaughterhouse-Five – Kurt Vonnegut

Best For: Reaffirming War Is Good For Absolutely Nothing Prisoner of war, optometrist, father, time-traveller, plane-crash survivor: Billy Pilgrim is all these and more in a miraculously moving, bitter and blackly hilarious story of innocence faced with apocalypse.

The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Best For: The DiCaprio Nod Leo rarely puts a foot wrong, but even he couldn’t capture the magnetic Jay Gatsby as well as Fitzgerald did on page. Set in the summer of 1922, with the Roaring Twenties in full swing, this is a terrific unpicking of decadence, social change and excess.

A Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess

Best For: Bratchnys A merciless satire of state control, in which Burgess imagined a dystopian future of ultraviolence decades before it became a sci-fi standard. Much of it is written in the slang spoken by teen hero, Alex; ‘bratchnys’ are bastards (and so are Alex and his murderous crew.)

Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov

Best For: Intense Moral Conundrum There’s no sugar-coating this one: a man obsessed with the 12-year-old daughter of his landlady and so marries the mother to be near her. From there, the ground only gets dodgier. The most controversial book on this list is a literary hot potato that will never cool down.

Brighton Rock – Graham Greene

Best For: Seaside Sins Brighton wasn’t always cocktail bars and vintage shops. In 1938, a gang war is raging, and ruthless Pinkie has just killed his first victim. In trying to cover his tracks, he only digs himself into a deeper hole.

1984 – George Orwell

Best For: A Jolt Of Future Shock No list of great books would be complete without this influential masterpiece, which gets more prescient year by year. Winston Smith rewrites the past to suit the needs of the ruling party, who run a totalitarian society under the watchful eye of Big Brother.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Love – Raymond Carver

Best For: Toasting Don Draper A collection of brilliant short stories about the lonely men and women of the American Midwest who drink, fish and play cards to ease the passing of time. Along with fellow US short-story master John Cheever, Carver’s words inspired Mad Men.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – Ken Kesey

Best For: Breaking The Rules You’ve probably seen the film, but this really is a case of ‘the book is better’. Evil Nurse Ratched rules an Oregon mental institution with an iron fist until new arrival McMurphy, who faked madness to dodge hard labour in the joint, brings chaos and hope to his fellow inmates.

The Catcher In The Rye – J.D.Salinger

Best For: Angst In Your Pants Any book about the harshness of teenage life will resonate with anyone who is or has been a teen, but the misadventures of Holden Caulfield have become the set text, and rightly so. He is cynical, jaded, dickishly rebellious. And we have, in ways big and small, all been there.

Meditations – Marcus Aurelius

Best For: Getting Things Done The innermost thoughts of the Roman Emperor from 161-180AD are a genuinely practical and insightful guide to life almost 1,900 years later. Silicon Valley billionaires and their teams love this book and its ideas for the way it helps them to accept the world as it is, then rule it.

The Go-Between – L.P. Hartley

Best For: Keeping Secrets They say “the past is a foreign country”. Well, that’s because it’s the famous opening line of this novel, in which an old man recalls the summer he spent aged 13 at his friend’s country house, as he shipped illicit messages between his chum’s engaged sister and a local farmer.

Fahrenheit 451 – Ray Bradbury

Best For: Page-Turning And Page-Burning In the America of the future, people are addicted to watching soap-opera-style shows on giant screens in their homes. Books are banned, firemen hunt down illicit volumes and burn them. A book about the magic of reading and how we must never let it fade away.

The Odyssey – Homer

Best For: Original Adventure The original homecoming tale – a king’s decade-long slog home after the Trojan War – contains: witches, monsters, betrayal, drugs, cannibals, disguises, a bit of war and quite a lot of slaughter. Every man-on-a-quest story and road movie owes a debt to this remarkable tale.

Bleak House – Charles Dickens

Best For: Epic Shenanigans To be fair, the Dickens pick on this list could have been one of a dozen. But this Victorian doorstop, with its massive cast (including the murky London underworld), is the most impressive and entertaining. A legal tussle over a will plays havoc with the lives of the potential beneficiaries and those around them.

Heart Of Darkness – Joseph Conrad

Best For: “The Horror, The Horror!” In 1890, the author captained a steamboat up the Congo River. A decade later, his novel about something very similar became a sensation. In 1979 it was very freely adapted into the epic Vietnam movie Apocalypse Now. Also, at less than 100 pages, you have no excuses not to finish it.

Frankenstein – Mary Shelley

Best For: The Sum Of Its Parts Yes, everybody now knows that the monster isn’t Frankenstein; that’s the mad scientist who makes him. But did you know that science-fiction was basically invented with this book, written by an 18-year-old girl challenged to come up with a ghost story? Still creepy and relevant despite being 200 years old.

The Long Goodbye – Raymond Chandler

Best For: Prime Pulp Fiction “The girl gave him a look which ought to have stuck at least four inches out of his back.” “He was a guy who talked with commas, like a heavy novel.” “A dead man is the best fall guy in the world. He never talks back.” Just a sample of the hardboiled genius on display in this truly great detective yarn.

The Lord of The Rings – JRR Tolkien

Best For: Hobbit-Forming When it comes to fantasy, there is one story to rule them all. The massive success of the film trilogy based on it does not dim the power of the source material. Amazon is spending $1bn making the TV version. For many, though, the original remains the masterpiece.

Moby Dick – Herman Melville

Best For: A Whale Of A Time Sperm whale eats sailor’s lower leg; sailor tricks other sailors into crewing his revenge mission; it doesn’t go well. A tale of obsession, adventure, maritime manliness and beast-slaying that does not get old as it ages.

Modern

Norwegian Wood – Haruki Murakami

Best For: Brutal Beatlemania When he hears her favourite Beatles song, Toru Watanabe recalls his first love Naoko, the girlfriend of his best friend, Kizuki. Delving into his student years in Tokyo, Toru dabbles in uneasy friendships, casual sex, passion, loss and desire.

Money: A Suicide Note – Martin Amis

Best For: Learning Restraint Wealthy transatlantic movie executive John Self allows himself whatever he wants whenever he wants it: alcohol, tobacco, pills, pornography, a mountain of junk food. It’s never going to end well, is it? A cautionary tale of a life lived without boundaries.

The Road – Cormac McCarthy

Best For: Going Hungry Of the many, many recent stories of survival in a post-apocalyptic dystopian future, this one is the toughest, smartest and the one which stays with you the longest. A father and son contrive to survive in the face of cannibalism, starvation and brutality.

The Sportswriter – Richard Ford

Best For: Knowing The Grass Isn’t Greener Frank Bascombe, it seems, is living the dream: a younger girlfriend and a job as a sports writer. But his inner turmoil and private tragedies show all is not always as it seems, even for those who seem to have it all.

The 25th Hour – David Benioff

Best For: Clock Watching Facing a seven-year stretch for dealing, Monty Brogan sets out to make the most of his last night of freedom. His dad wants him to do a runner, his drug-lord boss wants to know if he squealed, his girlfriend is confused and his friends are trying to prepare him for the worst. It’s a lot to fit in.

We Need To Talk About Kevin – Lionel Shriver

Best For: Questioning Yourself The story of Eva, mother of Kevin, who murdered seven of his fellow high-school students and two members of staff. She’s coming to terms with the fact that her maternal instincts could have driven him off the rails. It’s made worse by the fact that he survived and she can’t help visiting him in prison.

American Pastoral – Philip Roth

Best For: Bursting The American Dream The Sixties was a time for sex, drugs, rock’n’roll and, erm, political mayhem. Swede Levov is living the American dream until his daughter Merry becomes involved in political terrorism that drags the family into the underbelly of society. Totally rad.

American Psycho – Bret Easton Ellis

Best For: Career Killers The film is a contemporary masterpiece, but Patrick Bateman is even more evil on paper than he is on screen. An outright psychopath partly made by life on Wall Street, this bitterly black comedy is a classic that’ll keep you in line should you become a desk drone.

The Secret History – Donna Tartt

Best For: Murder Most Moral A group of eccentric misfits at a New England college discover a unique way of thinking thanks to their classics professor, which forces them to contemplate how easy it can be to kill someone if they cross you.

The Watchmen – Alan Moore

Best For: Picturing The Scene The most lauded graphic novel of all time concerns a team of superheroes called the Crimebusters, and a plot to kill and discredit them. Packed with symbolism and intelligent political and social commentary, with artwork as brilliant as the text.

The Corrections – Jonathan Franzen

Best For: Mother’s Day Appreciation After 50 years as a wife and mother, Enid wants to have some fun. But as her husband Alfred is losing his grip on reality, and their children have left the nest, she sets her heart on one last family Christmas. Virtue, sexual inhibition, outdated mental healthcare and globalised greed are all under the tree.

A Brief History of Seven Killings – Marlon James

Best For: Shadowy Thrills One evening in December 1976, gunmen burst into Bob Marley’s house in Jamaica, having shot his wife on the driveway, and shot Bob and his manager multiple times. No arrests were made. True story. James imagines what happens to the perpetrators, with appearances by the CIA and a ghost.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay – Michael Chabon

Best For: Nerd Nirvana The greatest superhero story ever told isn’t about costumed men, but the men who create them. Kavalier & Clay create The Escapist, at the start of comic books’ Golden Age in Thirties New York. He is super-popular; K&C miss out on the big money but can’t avoid the pitfalls of love and war.

Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie

Best For: Magical Realism The tots of the title are all born in the first hour of India’s independence – midnight til 1am on August 15, 1947 – and they all have superpowers. One of them, a telepath, tries to find out why while reaching out to the others. Won the Booker Prize, and twice won Booker best-of votes on anniversaries of the award.

Robert Harris – Fatherland

Best For: Wondering What-If A most chillingly plausible alternate history, in which Germany won World War II (Oxford University is an SS Academy, and the Germans are winning the space race) and senior Nazi party officials are being offed in Sixties Berlin. Turns out there’s a conspiracy to silence the ultimate conspiracy…

The Stand – Stephen King

Best For: Good vs Evil The modern master of genre fiction’s magnum opus is the 1990 Complete and Uncut version of his 1978 novel. A virus has all but wiped out humanity. American survivors gravitate to either Las Vegas (the bad lot) or Boulder, Colorado (the goodies), then the two tribes ready for the showdown.

High-Rise – J.G. Ballard

Best For: Block Party Politics When the residents of a posh tower block find their sweet set-up falling apart, the response is feral. Minor social differences lead to floor-versus-floor violence. The well-to-do become savages, and what that nice Dr Laing does with his neighbour’s dog is decidedly un-vegan.

A Perfect Spy – John Le Carré

Best For: The Secret Life David Cornwell worked as a British intelligence officer for almost nine years before adopting the pen name of John Le Carré and quitting spookery. Of his 23 spy novels, this is the best, perhaps because it’s the most autobiographical, although the made-up secret-service bits are first-rate too.

White Teeth – Zadie Smith

Best For: The Modern World A cross-generational saga of North London life rooted in the British immigrant experience that’s much funnier than the first half of this sentence makes out. The dentistry of the title is what everyone here – Bangladeshi, Jamaican, white British or otherwise – have in common.

Spies – Michael Frayn

Best For: Playing Detective You’re trying to get through a wartime summer in London, but you find out your mum is a German spy. You bring one of your classmates in on the surveillance, but, without your knowledge, she enlists him in her mysterious deeds. Not a ‘whodunit’, more an outstandingly original ‘whoisit’?

American Tabloid – James Ellroy

Best For: Solving JFK’s Murder In the messed-up mind of Ellroy, crime fiction’s self-proclaimed demon dog, the CIA, FBI, Mafia and Hollywood are all involved in the assassination of “Bad-Back Jack”. The rat-a-tat-tat of Ellroy’s short, slang-centric sentences boosts what would still be a fine secret-history yarn to be something powerful and electric.

Style, Fitness & Mind-Enhancement

ABC of Men’s Fashion – Hardy Amies

Best For: Wardrobe Rules Classic style is forever – which is 99 per cent true in the case of this pocket encyclopaedia written in 1964 by a Savile Row legend. When you get to ‘B’, you can be amused by 150 words on ‘Bowler Hats’, but skip ‘Beachwear’ at your peril: “A plain navy blue shirt with white linen trousers will always outshine any patterned job.”

Men of Style – Josh Sims

Best For: Brushing Up Style guides can often be more decorative than useful, but this one, by the venerable fashion journalist Sims, profiles the best-dressed men of the past century so that you can steal for your look the things that make them so undeniably well-dressed.

Men and Style – David Coggins

Best For: Excavating Your True Look It is hard to be stylish if you haven’t grasped what ‘style’ means for you. Coggins understands that it stretches beyond clothes (although they are mightily important) to the influence of your father – yes, him! – your school days, your surroundings and more.

Thinking, Fast And Slow – Daniel Kahneman

Best For: Mind Games Why is there more chance we’ll believe something if it’s in a bold typeface? Why do we assume a good-looking person will be more competent? The answer lies in the two ways we make choices: fast, intuitive thinking, and slow, rational thinking. This book has practical techniques for slower, smarter thinking, so you can make better decisions at work, home and life in general.

How Not To Be Wrong – Jordan Ellenberg

Best For: Number Crunching If the maths you learned in school has slipped your mind, there’s something to be said for this book helping you to re-grasp numbers: a powerful commodity in a post-truth world. You’ll learn to how to analyse important situations at work and at play – and how early you actually need to get to the airport.

Happiness By Design – Paul Dolan

Best For: Living The Good Life As figures prove, we’re all stretched and stressed. So how can we make it easier to be happy? Using the latest cutting-edge research, Dolan, a professor of behavioural science, reveals that wellbeing isn’t about how we think, it’s about what we do.

The Chimp Paradox – Steve Peters

Best For: Retraining Your Brain Peters helped British Cycling, Ronnie O’Sullivan, and other pro sports stars win more. He says our brains are emotional (the chimp bit), logical (human) and automatically instinctive (like a computer). We can’t shut off the monkey, but with work, the other two parts can control it. Reading this won’t make you World Snooker Champion, but you will be empowered to make more successful choices in life.

Reasons To Stay Alive – Matt Haig

Best For: Mental Wellbeing Aged 24, Haig was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and contemplating suicide. His memoir of coming back from the brink is an honest, moving and funny exploration of triumph over failing mental health that almost destroyed him.

The World’s Fittest Book – Ross Edgley

Best For: Getting Into The Right Shape Quite the claim in the title there, but ‘fitness adventurer’ Edgley backs it up with straightforward and achievable ways to lose weight, tone up and get shredded. Less about following fitness plans (result) and more about applying basic concepts so you can exercise in the right way.

Feet In The Clouds – Richard Askwith

Best For: Running On Empty If you love exercising, you’ll love this dispatch from the world of fell running. If you don’t, then reading about the people who commit to running up and down mountains will help you understand why they love it, and maybe some of their motivation will rub off on you.

Real Fast Food – Nigel Slater

Best For: Cooking IRL Encouragement to eat out of the pan, ingredients in tins and the secret to a perfect bacon sandwich: Slater has over 350 recipes that take less than 30 minutes and don’t require much cheffing, written so any fool can follow them. His take on bacon? Smoked streaky, nearly crisp, untoasted white bread dipped in the bacon fat, no sauce.

Five Quarters – Rachel Roddy

Best For: Pasta Perfection Italian food done simply and totally authentically. The author moved to Rome from the UK on a whim in 2005 and taught herself how to cook like an Italian nonna. Veggies will find a lot to love in this one, too.

Roast Chicken And Other Stories – Simon Hopkinson

Best For: English Classics A book beloved by chefs and food writers, for good reason: Hopkinson makes everything, even the offal, sound absolutely delicious. He picks 40 ingredients, explains why they’re essential, then gives a few recipes for each. Cooking, he says, is about making food you like to eat, not showing off.

Made In India: Cooked In Britain – Meera Sodha

Best For: Takeaway At Home Totally debunking the ‘it’s too hard to make good curries’ myth, this splendid work also has pictures showing important stages of recipes, not just a food-porn shot of the final dish. Also tons of delicious things even curry-house connoisseurs might not have heard of.

Why We Sleep – Matthew Walker

Best For: Ruling The Land Of Nod Everyone knows that they should get more, better sleep, but actually trying to do so can be stressful enough to cause lack of sleep. This bestseller unpicks exactly what happens when your head hits the pillow. More importantly, it explains why and how to get your head right beforehand.

How To Be A Woman – Caitlin Moran

Best For: Opposite Sex Education Since this is the book that “every woman should read”, according to one of its many, many amazing reviews, then surely every man would benefit from reading it, too? A feminist manifesto disguised as a hilarious memoir (or is it vice versa?) from one of the UK’s funniest writers.

The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle

Best For: Spiritual Enlightenment The author was approaching 30 and borderline suicidal, when he had an epiphany, separating what made him happy real from what was, mostly, the bullshit dragging him down. Years trying to understand how he saw the light meant he can explain it, better than the others who have tried, so you can do the same, too.

Sit Down and Be Quiet – Michael James Wong

Best For: Boosting Body And Mind The genius of this yoga and mindfulness manual for the modern man is in the way it presents those two practices as things you already do in some ways (habits from childhood and sport, mainly). Then, the ways you’re not doing them – physical and mental techniques – are put forth in a non-preachy manner.

Knowledge

A Short History of Nearly Everything – Bill Bryson

Best For: Well, Nearly Everything We could have put this in the science section, given it is a scientific history ranging from the Big Bang to mankind. Anyway: now think of your best-ever teacher. Bryson is like that – curious, witty, in love with his subject – and learning along with him is a pleasure.

Sapiens – Yuval Noah Harari

Best For: A Selfie Of Ourselves Humans came to rule the world, according to this global bestseller, because we mastered fire, gossip, agriculture, mythology, money, contradictions and science. Harari himself is a master of distilling big ideas and concepts, and his book full of them will make your smarter.

Prisoners Of Geography – Tim Marshall

Best For: Mapping It All Out How and why countries do stuff to other countries because of the landscape, the climate, the culture and the natural resources available: that’s geopolitics. And to get a grip on why the world is how it is – no more important time to do that than right now – you read this.

Stasiland – Anna Funder

Best For: Cold War Stories In East Germany, the Stasi was the state security apparatus, which investigated the country’s citizens to an astonishing degree. A few years after the Berlin Wall fell, Funder met with former spies, handlers and resistance operatives, all with incredible tales.

The Plantagenets – Dan Jones

Best For: Past Glory One of the breed of young historians making history TV must-see again, Jones also writes big, juicy, novelistic books. This is the one that takes in 280 years of England and its kings from 1120, including Crusades, Black Death, civil war, war with France, heroes, legends, sacking of cities and all the rest of it. Truly stirring stuff.

Life 3.0 – Max Tegmark

Best For: AI, OK? Artificial intelligence is going to change humanity perhaps more than any other technology, so you kind of owe it to yourself to know what’s coming down the pipe. Tegmark smartly and succinctly puts forward all the arguments for and against the rise of the robots – because rise they will.

Seven Brief Lessons on Physics – Carlo Rovelli

Best For: Demystifying The World, Quickly As it says on the tin: between six and eight short essays about life, the universe and everything, which will tease and enlarge your brain, not tie it in knots. Perfectly formed into 96 pages that deliver a masterclass in relativity, quantum mechanics and mankind’s place in time in space.

The Sixth Extinction – Elizabeth Kolbert

Best For: Reaching The End Times No prizes for guessing that number six on the list of mass extinction events is happening now, as humankind reduces species diversity on Earth like nothing since the asteroid that finished off the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. This book, grippingly, reports on what’s happening now, and those times before.

Behave – Robert Sapolsky

Best For: Why We Do What Do Every one of us is a student of human behaviour, so a book that gives you a distinct advantage over our classmates can only be A Good Thing. That it’s written by a scientist with a sense of humour nailing his mission to demystify complex science is a massive bonus also.

The Making Of The Atomic Bomb – Richard Rhodes

Best For: Explosive Insight An epic recollection of how mankind came to harness, then unleash, the power of the atom. From the first nuclear fission to the bombs that dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, Rhodes marshals a huge cast of scientists (and spies) and leaves no stone unturned.

Inspiration

Long Walk To Freedom – Nelson Mandela

Best For: Genuine Inspiration The short version of Mandela’s life is widely known, but his detailed and moving autobiography, published in 1994, the year he became president of South Africa, is a never-to-be-forgotten account of his fight against apartheid.

I Am Zlatan – Zlatan Ibrahimovich

Best For: Ego Boosts And Footy Boots He is, by his own account, one of the greatest footballers of the modern age. Whether or not you agree, his life story is fascinating, and he gets stuck in on the page as on the pitch. “If Mourinho lights up a room, Guardiola draws the curtains.”

H Is For Hawk – Helen Macdonald

Best For: Grasping Nature’s Power This multi-award winning memoir has a most unusual premise. The author, when “a kind of madness set in” after the death of her father, drives up to Scotland from Cambridge to buy a goshawk for £800 and spends a year training it.

Do No Harm – Henry Marsh

Best For: Surgical Precision Marsh is a consultant neurosurgeon and this, his first volume of memoirs, is a glimpse inside his mind and, indeed, those of his patients. He has little time for NHS middle management, and is as precise with (literally) cutting remarks and insightful asides as he is with his scalpel.

Touching The Void – Joe Simpson

Best For: Life Or Death Scenarios Picture the scene (it starts on page 68 of this adventure classic, if you need some help): you are up a mountain, in difficult conditions, when you slip and fall. You are hanging from the rope tied to your companion, but he has to decide: if he doesn’t cut the rope, you likely both die. What would you do? A real-life version plays out in this astonishing story.

Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas – Hunter S Thompson

Best For: Madness And Mayhem The inventor of gonzo journalism recalls – lord only knows how – a drugs binge to Vegas with his attorney. In lesser hands, this would have been boring, because reading about other people being high is almost always dull. With Thompson in charge, this trippy travelogue fizzles with mad energy.

Unreasonable Behaviour – Don McCullin

Best For: Life Behind A Lens As life stories go, this one takes some beating. A 15-year-old with no qualifications ends up as one of the great war photographers, taking in Vietnam, Africa and the Middle East. He also takes a bullet in the camera and is pushed to physical and emotional extremes in the theatres of conflict.

Fever Pitch – Nick Hornby

Best For: The Fannish Inquisition The best book ever written about what it’s like to be a football fan, despite the glut of titles that has followed it since it was published in 1992. Hornby’s Arsenal addiction can be mapped onto any club, and his insight and honesty ring so very true.

The Story Of The Streets – Mike Skinner

Best For: Rapper’s Delight It will come as no surprise to anyone who has paid attention to lyrics by The Streets that the book written by the man behind them displays both a love of words and a refreshingly honest look at the world. Part guide to the highs and lows of fame, part unpicking of hip-hop as an art form, all good.

How Not To Be A Boy – Robert Webb

Best For: The Male Comedians’ memoirs are ten-a-penny, but this one stands out because the star of Peep Show goes deep into the difficulties of being ‘different’ as a boy in the 1970s and 1980s, his complicated early family life and what it means to be a man in today’s world. Of course, it’s very funny, too.

Steve Jobs – Walter Isaacson

Best For: Getting To Apple’s Core As well as the amazing tale of the rise, fall and rise again of Apple, and the stories behind its iconic products, Issacson’s official biog of geek god Jobs does one thing few official biogs do: print the negative stuff. Jobs could be, often, a douchebag, and learning that along with the positives makes this a must-read.

Fast Company – Jon Bradshaw

Best For: Taking A Punt Six profiles of legendary gamblers and chancers, including pool legend Minnesota Fats, tennis hustler Bobby Riggs and poker players Pug Pearson and Johnny Moss. “Money won is twice as sweet as money earned,” says Paul Newman as Eddie Felson in The Color Of Money. Here’s proof.

Killing Pablo – Mark Bowden

Best For: Crowning The Kingpin Even if you have watched Narcos on Netflix, this biography of Pablo Escobar will still make your jaw drop. That TV show, as good as it is, only scratched the surface. Bowden, a newspaper reporter, interviewed dozens of sources, allowing him to piece together Escobar’s remarkable ascent and descent.

The Right Stuff – Tom Wolfe

Best For: Reaching For The Stars “This book grew out of some ordinary curiosity,” said its author in 1983, four years after it was published. Yet there is nothing ordinary about it. Wolfe wondered what made a man want to sit on top of a giant tube of fuel and be hurtled into space. In the lives of US Navy test pilots and the Mercury astronauts, he found the answers, and with them wrote an all-time great non-fiction book.

The Lost City of Z – David Grann

Best For: Exploring Your Options One of the reviews called this “the best story in the world, told perfectly” and that’s fair enough, really. In 1925, British explorer Colonel Percy Fawcett went missing in Brazil while searching for a mythical settlement. This book investigates why, and the author embarks on his own Amazonian quest.

Outliers: The Story of Success – Malcolm Gladwell

Best For: Secrets Of Success Gladwell is most well known for The Tipping Point, but this book about what high achievers have in common is a more in-depth and engaging read. A big part of what makes people make it big is the hard yards: doing something for 20 hours a week for a decade, or about 10,000 hours. Start tomorrow? Why not?

Hit Makers – Derek Thompson

Best For: Being In With The In Crowd If you want to know why Star Wars is so popular, and why nothing ever really goes viral, then Thompson is your man. His study of pop culture’s most beloved items ranges from Game Of Thrones and Taylor Swift to Pokémon Go and Spotify.

Factfulness – Hans Rosling, Ola Rosling, Anna Rosling Rönnlund

Best For: Rebooting Your World Knowledge Bill Gates has a website on which he posts book recommendations, and liked this one so much he paid for every US college graduate in 2018 to get the ebook version. You might want to join those four million ex-students and be delighted to have much of what you know about the world put right by fascinating hard facts.

Bad Blood – John Carreyou

Best For: Fraud Or Flawed? It’s the story of the age: 19-year-old founds a medical start-up; raises $700m on the promise of a blood-testing machine that never really exists; her $10bn company collapses, with $600m of investors’ money gone. Was it just Silicon Valley hot air or a massive, deliberate fraud?

Doughnut Economics – Kate Raworth

Best For: The Future Of Your Money Experts are divided about Raworth’s ring-shaped model of how economics should be – the flow of money and trade keeping humans and Earth in good shape – but they are all talking about it. She recognises systems and effects, such as climate change and social movements, which standard economics ignore. Her argument is powerful.

Distraction

Me Talk Pretty One Day – David Sedaris

Best For: First-Person Hilarity The best of several collections of brilliant essays from the American humourist deals partly with his moving to Normandy in France, and partly with his life before that, in rural America and New York City. One of these every morning on the way to work would banish commuter blues immediately.

How To Lose Friends & Alienate People – Toby Young

Best For: Tragic Tragicomedy Young is now a right-leaning columnist and social media ‘star’. In a previous life, he got a job on the American magazine Vanity Fair, and dropped the ball spectacularly. Anyone who’s ever felt like a square peg in a workplace round hole (so, that’ll be everyone, then) will find much to laugh at here.

Our Dumb Century – The Onion

Best For: Mocking The Decades In terms of jokes-that-work-per-page hit rate, this is probably the funniest book in the world. Before social media, The Onion’s parody news site was the funniest thing online (they still do pretty good). This special project magnificently takes the Michael out of news and newspapers from 1900 to 1999. In today’s fake news era, this has become even more hilarious.

Spoiled Brats – Simon Rich

Best For: Eye-Watering Laughs Rich writes the sort of charming and amusing essays that Steve Martin and Woody Allen used to do, and there are a dozen in this volume. But it’s the novella Sell Out that makes this a must-read. A Brooklyn pickle-maker falls into the brine and is fished out 100 years later, to face the hipsters who have taken over his town. Your correspondent cried with laughter.

I, Partridge – Steve Coogan

Best For: Pitch-Perfect Parody A spot-on mocking of celebrity autobiography and a celebration of Britain’s best-loved failed chat-show host and digital radio DJ. Even better than reading this with Partridge’s voice in your head is listening to the audiobook, with Coogan-Partridge in absolutely magnificent form.

The Photo Ark – Joel Sartore

Best For: All Creatures Great And Small As ambitions go, it’s lofty and admirable: take a picture of all 12,000 species living in the world’s wildlife sanctuaries and zoos before an increasing number of them become extinct. As of May 2018, 12 years in, Sartore was two-thirds of the way there. This book covers the first 6,000 species.

Essential Elements – Edward Burtynsky

Best For: Seeing The World Through New Eyes Burtynsky is a Canadian photographer who uses a large camera to take vast-scale images of our changing planet, from seemingly endless rows of workers in Chinese factories to aerial views of oil fields in California. He makes the sort of images you can spend hours finding new things in.

Greatest Of All Time: A Tribute To Muhammad Ali – various

Best For: Knockout Storytelling Anyone saying “print is dead” hasn’t encountered this beautiful object, which has collector’s editions at £11,000 and a regular version 110 times cheaper yet almost as powerful. Ali is still sport’s most celebrated story, and the words and pictures on the 652 foot-square pages here tell that tale in the absolute best possible way.

Kenneth Grange: Making Britain Modern – various

Best For: Design Classics, UK Style A hero of industrial design as good as his more famous peers at Apple or Braun, Grange devised dozens of iconic products including Kodak cameras, Anglepoise lamps, Wilkinson Sword razors, parking meters and the Intercity 125 train. This catalogue of his career is a beautifully designed book full of beautifully designed things.

The Classic Car Book – Giles Chapman

Best For: Four-Wheeled Nirvana Quite simply a treasure trove of thousands of photos of awesome automobiles from the 1940s to the 1980s, with nerdy spec data and potted histories of cars, marques and makers.