#and hopefully I can start hrt in the future

[nexahexagon]

Days 7-9 of my Inktober!! Even if it’s a little late!!

Day 7: Tanguish! His name took me a little too long but it was fun!! He’s such a so silly little guy!! And @silverskye13 ur tagged in the photo cuz I also post these Inktober bits to twt and wanted to keep you tagged at the very least!!

Day 8: Scarlet/5AM Pearl!! I had another sketch of her but it didn’t work out well imo and I’m so happier with this one!! She’s so fun to draw!!

Day 9: Non-Binary. Oh the pains of having one “feature” to prove your femininity/masculinity. Words not told to me specifically, but said in indirect, condescending quotes. More of the “choose whether you want to be Trans or not and stop confusing others” kinda words.

[shoveitevil]

ok lock in time

[the-t-boy-king]

I think it would be helpful if people realized gender affirming care isn't just for trans people. It's for whoever wants it. Plus nearly all gender affirming care was made for cis people before it was used for trans people.

Puberty blockers was literally made to help kids who started their puberty too soon. It was made to be safe and reversible.

Hrt was made for cis people originally. Cis women can use both estrogen and testosterone to help with menopause. I don't know if cis men use estrogen like cis women would, but they can use testosterone to help once they get to a certain age.

Cis women have been getting breast reductions and breast augmentation for years. Cis men get hair transplants. I mean fuck, cis men get top surgery to deal with gynecomastia. The same top surgery I'll be getting hopefully in the future.

So if cis people pretty much do the same thing as trans people do when it comes to gender affirming care, why is it bad when trans people do it?

[baeddel]

my 1st year of hrt

i don't post here much now, but as i have shared so much of my journey with you, for so much of which i wasn't able to transition at all, i wanted to make a post about my first year on hormones.

this post will be nsfw because of frank discussion about genitals, sexual functions and sexuality. it's also long, sorry.

ORAL, INJECTIONS

i have the entire time merely done what the diy wiki told me. between the time that i first looked into it, with the sort of long and helpful advices i received from friends, up to now, the whole thing has become much more well-understood and by that measure much easier to transmit and there are more plentiful resources. so it is really easy to diy. it's also much easier to get hormones and blockers and many more kinds are available.

i started off on 50mg bica and 6mg oral estradiol. i knew i wanted to use bica becuase it's supposed to keep your horny. a major hesitation for me was losing my libido, since being an extremely high libido person has been such a core part of my identity for pretty much my entire life. it turns out i had no reason to be afriad for reasons i'll explain later, but in the end i'm not sure how much of a role the bica played in that.

the chepaest place was actually from Lillian at the time we bought it. this regimen worked out to an amount per year that i don't really have and my first year was paid for entirely by my incredible and wonderful and amazing girlfriend @shimakaze-revivalism which i am so thankful for. it worked out the best to go for oral at that time but i had no preference for it over injections; gel seemed annoying to me.

to be honest i don't really recommend all that because it's basically ten times as expensive as monotherapy with injections. good golly! i didn't realize injections were so cheap until another girlfriend pointed it out to me around the time that i was due to refill. plus, not only am i used to injecting because of diabetes, but i like needles. since starting i have fallen in love with this method; i look forward to injection day and delight and savour in the entire process. i inject intramuscularly in my thighs with a 1" needle. the needle presses my skin into a deep valley before finally piercing through at which point my thigh snaps level and swallows the needle. i salivate a little bit when i do it. it hurts for a few days wherever the needle went, sweetly. if i'm too rough it bruises. my girlfriend is frightened of neeldes and i make her watch. i take 0.1ml at 10ml/400mg which according to Transfem Science (click) is equivalent to 8mg per day of estradiol orally, a little more than i took before. i stopped taking bica so i am on estradiol monotherapy.

because Lillian had issues right around the time of my order it was delayed by a bit and i went without hormones for a little while. this was utterly miserable and felt physically awful. i'll talk about it a bit more later. then my wonderful girlfriend lent me hers after we worked some things out so that she wouldn't also be left short. so for about a week or two i was taking 4mg estradiol and some amount of finasteride; this regimen felt bad and i struggled to stay hard or cum until i changed to something else. the phenomenally sweet and kind @hypnosister was bringing some estradiol gel for me to tide me over the rest of the way (—the second time she has given me hormones to cover for my errors), but my estradiol miraculously arrived the exact same day she did, so i never used any gel.

as you can tell, the principle ingredient in my hrt regimen has been the milk of human kindness. i owe an unpayable debt of gratitude. hopefully i can be more competent and independent in the future.

BLOOD TESTS

my plan was to get tested every 4~ months and monitor my blood.

there is a private blood test service you can get here in NI. they send out a little kit and you make a sample and send it back. supposedly. so far i have not known anyone to succeed. strangely, they don't allow refunds until you've tried it three times. for me i quickly realized my problem was that i have to use a lancet to draw blood several times a day to monitor my blood sugars, which means my fingers are scarred and calloused around there already and i'd never be able to draw enough blood as the test wanted. the last test i simply sent back undisturbed; they gave me my refund.

you can instead book an appointment with private clinics they work with and they will draw blood intravenously. however, at the time, agoraphobia would have made this a profoundly difficult journey, and i started off transitioning in secret and couldn't ask anyone for help getting there. so in the end i haven't been getting blood tested at all and don't really know what my hormones are and don't know how my liver is doing. this isn't ideal, but things are starting to change for me; i am now out at home, and what's more, i have started to beat my agoraphobia (!) and can get about now on public transport on my own. so i will go in a few months to monitor how my injections are doing.

SIDE EFFECTS

when i first started i was extremely nauseous. this went away after a month or so. after that there were simply no negative side-effects.

going off of hormones felt bad, but it was as bad as i felt before going on hormones. being on hormones simply feels much better; i'll talk more about that later.

LIBIDO, BONERS AND CUM

as i mentioned this was my biggest hesitation before starting. my libido had always been so high as to be debilitatingly intense. i would masturbate several times a day. if i hadn't masturbated recently i would be unable to concentrate; i would be so horny i'd get dizzy, feel faint... something in me had to be ceaselessly arrested, cooled, soothed and put away, shortly to lift its hatch and claw at me again. in a lot of ways it was really a big problem in my life and looking back it wasn't a good thing. but it was who i was and i was scared of losing it. it also seemed like an important component of maintaining a lot of sexual relationships. or was it the special solvent that held all my work together? a manic energy. without which i would become slovely and pointless.

erections are also of course an important part of performing in the way i was used to; and i could cum a lot. like, a lot. thick, goopy, white cum. which girls like. because i am not attractive in any other measure, giving up this source of puissance felt like giving up everything. so it was really frightening to me to be honest. these are all ways that the idea of a loss of libido or sexual function felt like the end of myself as a person.

this is i understand probably a distorted source of self-worth, but, in any case, hormones did not in fact oblige me to give it up, and i worried for nothing. hormones drastically improved my sexuality in every single respect. first of all, it did hurt my libido, but only so much as to take the edge off. it let me master it; and having mastered it, i was able to do things i could never do before in my life, like chastity games, and everyday life wasn't so painful, and i had more freedom about how i spent my time, since i didn't have to masturbate before anything that took concentration. but i'm still a very high libido person; what's more it made me much more engaged with sex with partners rather than masturbating.

there was a brief period of time close to the beginning where it did affect my erections, i believe, but this passed and i now have erections like normal. neither my penis or scrotum changed size or appearance. and thankfully my loads did not diminish at all; though on bica it was a little more translucent and less goopy white, it seems to be back to normal on monotherapy. it takes several minutes to clean up after.

but here's the thing; on hrt, my sexuality improved in ways i didn't even anticipate. these are: 1. every sensation feels so much better, to such an extent that sensations seem to take on a profound meaning. it is especially lovely to use the soft parts of a girl's thighs. 2. orgasms are completely different. not just a quantitative but a qualitative difference. they make me shiver, they last forever, my toes curl as i gasp and perspire. afterwards i am submerged in bliss; wheezing asthmatically, sticky or soaking wet. 3. when not having sex, i mostly cum handsfree, neither using my hands nor any implement, or any special technique but to look at something or think of something or talk to someone. either naked or under my clothes. i could do this before but it took more effort. 4. when having sex, i cum much, much faster, which is a really good change for me, because performing was always a source of anxiety, and now i have no problem with that, unless i'm having blood sugar problems which can't be helped.

i understand that most people don't have my experiences when they start hrt. although for most people sex feels better and orgasms feel better, most people cum less and have more problems performing after hrt rather than the opposite.

in the few weeks that i went off hrt i went pretty much back to normal, and it felt awful. i went back to masturbating several times a day, became less interested in having sex, and derived much less enjoyment from masturbation which was little more than habitual. i could still cum handsfree but mostly i didn't. by comparison it all simply felt bad. at this point i would take estrogen merely as an aphrodisiac.

BOOBS

i have little boobs. if it really is accurate to talk about transfem bodies this way, then i think i am in Tanner Stage 3. i don't really care about having boobs so i don't really think about it. mainly i felt A LOT BETTER about my body after i started removing my chest hair, no matter what my chest looks like.

early on in transition i asked you all if my boobs would stop being sore. some of you said no. well listen up fuckers, you were dead wrong! after three or four months they stopped hurting entirely. but then afer i started injections they began to hurt again, and now they still hurt. maybe they'll just hurt every August, no matter what i do.

WEIGHT GAIN, FAT DISTRIBUTION

i literally weigh 50 pounds more than at the start of 2023. however, 30 of those pounds i put on before even starting hrt. so i think it's a coincidence; regression to the mean. in the past i constnatly lost weight mysteriously, now i am quickly gaining it. i'm a little worried about it really, but i feel a little better about myself with chubbier cheeks as well.

i have definitely gained more of an hourglass shape now that i didn't have before. but i still think my body is very ugly and i'm ashamed of it. looking more feminine doesn't mean looking or feeling any more attractive necessarily and you have more body image issues than gender dysphoria. it's necessary to consider them a little separately. to be honest, i have no idea what i wanted hrt to do to my body. no matter what outward physical change i consider i will say 'that's some accidental change and is not the reason i'm on hormones, so i don't really care about it.' then why transition?

HRT AS WILL

this is to me the most fascinating change and the one i could anticipate the least; hrt completely changes my fundmanetal first-person experience of reality. i have no idea how to describe it; surely any words are inaccurate metaphors which cannot possibly denote anything to you if you haven't felt it. i simply feel that, before hrt, i was out of alignment, and that when i am on hrt, my alignment has been restored, and i have achieved some kind of invisible perfection. every waking moment feels so much better, and stopping hrt made me feel awful for that reason only. i knew what it was like to be on it. Tiresias.

this is the biggest thing for me; even if hrt did absolutely nothing else i would take it for this reason alone. not only that, but i would still regard it as deeply important, fulfilling some deep need. i would pay a high price for it.

do you know what i mean? what is this?

oh god... have you felt this? it's rather... rapturous... ah haha...

it means that i'm chosen...

maybe i have eyes on the inside. if you kill me you'll get a Caryll Rune: Clockwise Metamorphosis.

when i think about other things to add to my transition progress, such as progesterone, this is the primary lens that i look at it through. how would this change my inner experience? what effect would it have on me at the level of pure feeling? i don't really care what it would do to my body. what new chamber of the soul is unlocked thereby?

PERIODS

i was promised that i would get periods when i started hrt. this seems to have been a myth. if i want periods i suppose i would have to actually vary my own hormones throughout the month. in the past i actually had a pretty intense dysphoria about not getting periods, and the idea that i'd get them one day was very relieving to me. thankfully i don't really care about that anymore; all of my desires orient themselves with reference to transfems, so not having periods doesn't create any kind of distance between myself and my peers.

CONCLUSION

anyway, transition is going extremely well in my estimation. there are other aspects of transition than just hrt; gender-affirming clothes, laser (cheap here), optionally voice training and such. i think for some people a year is kind of a long time, but i tend to have a long-term view. it's something healthy but it also makes me slow to act. in any case i still see myself as just starting, and i will get to other things soon enough. i like changing. i like doing things that change me. you have to resist the temptation to see every possible avenue of transition as a form of assimilation to cisnormativity. we have a culture; we do certain things that change us, sometimes forever and sometimes for now.

thanks for reading.

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

CW: reference to afab genitals

So I’m an asexual that discovered my kinky side after getting on HRT in July 2023 and just absolutely craving masturbating to monsterfucking content regularly for the first time in my life. But when I started looking for toys I was super disappointed scrolling through Bad Dragon realizing that I probably couldn’t take most of the toys they had to offer, and I didn’t want to cop out with anything smaller than the regular sizes. Like part of what made the monsterfucking fantasy so hot to me was being able to take massive oddly-shaped cocks like fics so often talk about.

So for the past 6 months or so I’ve been training my cunt to take something bigger with ease. Keep in mind, I’m a virgin and at the moment I intend to keep it that way, so I’m doing this purely for recreational fetish purposes. I bought a vibrating dilator kit and lube to help with prep, and a rather-big-in-hindsight realistic dildo with 7.5 inches of usable length.

And lately I’ve been able to take the dildo pretty easily like. Shockingly easily. And I’ve found that I actually love it when it rams against my cervix, so pain isn’t much of a problem for me.

The good news is that that’s the length I’d need to take for the regular to large size range of one of Bad Dragon’s models, so I’m going to be buying my first monster dildo soon! I’m very happy to even get this far in my size queen training and I’m looking forward to trying even more insane looking oversized monster dildos in the future. Hopefully I can find one with a decent sized knot that I can just leave in the entire day…😋

.

[wolftsune-of-the-woods]

Wolftsune HRT #9: 6 Months

First / Previous

“Hello again, Erian.”

“What?! But how- I never gave you a prescription!”

“Let's just say… you're not the only one who knows how to make this stuff.”

My tails swished around behind me, finally at their full length and very fluffy. I had to be careful to not accidentally make fox-fire. As awful as Erian is, he doesn't deserve to have his clinic burnt down.

“You monsters…” he continued, “Can't you just listen when I try to tell you something is a bad idea?! Running off and getting these shady DIYs, and you wonder why I have such strict requirements–”

“LISTEN UP, OLD MAN.

You claim to be an expert on therians, but you don't even know us! You don't know what it's like to be trapped in the wrong body, desperate to fix it in any way possible. I'd burn your whole clinic down, but I'm wise enough to know that won't teach you anything except for reaffirming your belief that we're all insane monsters. So instead, I'll use a lovely, less lethal, trick.”

Before Erian could respond, I whipped up an illusion that would make him look like a woman - and change her nameplate and door sign.

“Bye, Thalia Hannah Erian!”

“Wait!” she cried, “What have you done?! Undo it this instant!”

It would wear off in 24 hours. But hopefully, this would teach Erian a much-needed lesson. In the meantime…

I think instead of working with Erian, I'll start my own clinic. “Dr. Wilde’s Humanity Removal Therapy”. It sounds nice, although it's not as good of a pun as T. H. Erian. But having a good pun name doesn't matter, what matters is that I must always put my patients first.

And now, for my final update.

My wings are big enough for me to fly, and it feels amazing. My arms got a bit longer, the structure of my legs fully changed, and they're much stronger: I can run and walk on all fours or on two legs, and both options feel natural and perfect. And my powers are fully developed and natural to use - I shapeshifted into a human form to visit my parents, and at home when no one was around, I practiced shapeshifting by having my headmates change the body to match how they look internally. I stopped having to buy lighters because I can use my fox-fire instead.

And the most important thing is that I'm so happy. I'm finally me. It's such a miracle that this treatment is something that's possible, and I can't wait to grant this joy to even more people in the future.

(and with that, the main story of Wolftsune HRT is done! I originally wanted to extend it to 12 months, and this would've been month 12, but it just didn't work out. I might make some bonus bits, and I or my headmates may make future stories where Wolftsune!Ash can make cameos, but this is the end of the main story. Thank you to anyone who's read this far, and here's some shout-outs to other awesome creators that I didn't get opportunities to feature in the story:

@mecknavorz Hydra HRT

@ashen-vulture A Vulture In Therapy

@tigergirltail Tiger HRT

@squiretilde Elf HRT

@vy-canis-melodis Bird HRT / Changeling HRT

@transpandaart ??? HRT

@tigerwing-animal-hrt Cat HRT

I'm so glad I got to be part of this community, and I wish everyone, not just the people I've mentioned, but everyone in the AHRT community, the best of luck with continuing their stories!)

[so-i-did-this-thing]

If you wanna know how it's going in Florida as a trans person: we have 3 very scary bills proposed (SB1674, HB1421, SB254) which stand to block - for adults - insurance coverage, bathroom access, and possibly even most transition care itself (not a ban, but still effectively one due to a whole slew of restrictions, including to telemed).

Crow and I had planned on moving to CT before the presidential election, but I needed to figure out an emergency timeline if a bill blocks access to my HRT and I can't find another local provider.

So, I made a spreadsheet of when emergencies could trigger and when I might need to stretch my T stash out while I flee Florida. Worst case: a bill immediately goes into law the day I pick up my next refill and I get denied. (Remember, testosterone is a controlled substance and it is a felony if I try to DIY.)

Every time I pick up my testosterone Rx, I can shift this emergency date further into the future. And if the bad bills fail, this emergency scenario goes away.

But looking at my closest "get the hell outta Dodge" date made me realize I need to step up on packing things I know can sit in storage for a while. Hence, all the bins.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

If you're in a state like Florida that is proposing to effectively ban your care, start planning *now* so you know when you might have to make some difficult decisions. Start researching other providers and what you'd need to do for access.

I'm sharing my thought process not to scare trans people, but to give a bit of a framework for this decision-making, be it moving, saving money to pay costs OOP, hopping providers, etc. My emergency dates are based on when my HRT runs out and (for now) doesn't reflect upon the bills' current movement.

I know I am privileged to be able to leave now with most of my things, and am using that to go ahead and make a safe haven in my new home for friends fleeing in less ideal scenarios who would need temporary housing.

Thanks to all my friends reaching out with support. Our safety next is strong enough to where hopefully we should just need a place to crash with 3 cats on the drive up.

Good luck, stay safe, fight as long as you can, and afford yourself all the grace you can muster.

[sciencetynan]

I have a tentative date to hopefully start HRT

Finally got an appointment with my Endocrinologist for January 25th. Still need to make sure I can get that time off work, but hoping that it works out.

Only about a month away. Way sooner than I thought.

Feeling excited but kind of scared. Big step for me in my transition.

Going to also start laser hair removal and voice training in the near future too.

[felixleewinters]

ALRIGHT WE ARE DIVING IN!!

Hello whomever may be reading this! My name is Felix! I am a 16 year old boy who has recently come out as transgender!!

This blogs main purpose is to document my journey as a trans teen and hopefully document my future journey as an adult going through HRT and getting top surgery and what not. I fully intend for this page to go on for YEARS!

The second purpose of this blog will be to provide answers and advice to others who need it via my ask box! Everyone starts their journey somewhere and we usually start it having no clue where to go or what to do! So hopefully having a ask me anything box can help some of you too!!

I hope that one day when I’m 28 and boring I can look back on this cursed app and this blog and say “Wow… I really did it!” SO! Whether it’s 2030 and you somehow managed to scroll all the way to the bottom of my blog or it’s the very day I’m uploading this message and you are the first person to see this I hope you join me on my journey of self discovery and becoming the man on the outside that I am on the inside!

Welcome to Binders, Books, and Broomsticks! This is Felix Lee saying hello and goodbye for the first time for years to come!!

[screamingay]

9 people you want to know better challenge

tagged by @orallech tysm!! i this and said out loud Yippee! bc i love these things

last song: cocteau twins- suckling the mender 😏

favorite color: gotta be green. that's nature babey!

last movie/tv show: just watched the jake's birth episode of adventure time (last movie was flatland: the film from 2007 and i gotta say it was a doozy)

sweet/spicy/savory: it's always been sweet for me.. ive gotten better with variety & complexity over the years but i'll always have a major sweet tooth

relationship status: i've been very in lesbians with harper @girl-prototype for a year and a half <33333 and we live together also hehe

last thing i googled:

(spoiler: you can and i will)

current obsession: started playing chants of sennaar a couple days ago and im having a LOT of fun with it, the mechanics and story are so simple but still challenging enough to keep me interested, plus it's so pretty in a way that only indie games can do.. idk how to explain it but it has a lot of thought put into it and i appreciate it

last book: well i just started brando sando's warbreaker. and everything before that was him also lol (hero of ages and then a short story, the emperor's soul)

looking forward to: hopefully getting started on hrt in the not too distant future, but more realistically the concert i'm going to next week (pinkshift and jhariah!!!! go check them out if u haven't they're so good)

tagging @kordate @spicebowl @billspreston-esq @akotofu @cirrusin @sc0rbuddy @scorpiobabylon @toadsrbutch @fourturtlez and as always anyone can say i tagged them if they wanna do this!!

[criticalsucc]

i haven’t been active here lately for a variety of reasons (video games among them lol). but i felt like typing this out.

i’ve been on hormone therapy for 3 weeks now. and while it’s extremely early in the process, there are two changes i’ve noticed already.

the first is appetite. i’m hungry all the time now. like i haven’t been since i was a teenager. maybe there’s another growth spurt in my future, but hopefully it’ll be out this time instead of up lol (specifically in the chest and hip departments).

the other is changes in libido. i knew this was a likelihood, but i’ll admit it’s something i’ve been very anxious about. sexual pleasure is something that has been integral to my enjoyment of life. the idea of it going away or becoming less enjoyable was something that made me very nervous (and one of the main reasons i avoided hrt for so long). like someone telling you that in order to be happy you’ll have to give up your favorite hobby. the sexual dysfunction i suffered at the hands of anti-depressants was completely intolerable.

but i will say, it hasn’t been too bad. the biggest thing that’s different is that sexual arousal feels further away than it used to. i’m not as easily excitable. it takes longer to get myself aroused. and the arousal is not as intense unless i’m really feeling it. for the last decade and a half i have basically masturbated twice a day, every day, simply because i needed the release. it was actually incredibly difficult for me to stop or resist masturbating during times when i was trying to recover from a bad porn addiction.

but now i can easily go all day without even having a sexual thought. i can go a couple days without masturbating, and even when i do it’s because i just want to, not because i feel compelled to.

in a way, it’s kind of nice to not be ruled by horny thoughts all day. it allows me to feel more in control. but at the same time it’s a little sad losing the ability to get horny at the drop of a hat.

at one point last week i was having trouble maintaining an erection, and i started to get nervous that this spelled the end of using my penis in a penetrative way. but then just a couple days ago i had a session where i got incredibly excited and everything worked great.

it’s like the mood has to be there a lot more than it used to. and of course none of this is surprising, these are things you hear about cis women’s sex drives all the time.

one thing to look forward to though: from what i understand, the decrease in libido in trans-women is likely only temporary, within the first few months. eventually i can potentially expect my sex drive to actually increase above what it was before this process started.

and then i will be in my final form 😈

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hey, so, I messaged you guys maybe about a month or two ago, during what I can only describe as a minor breakdown, because there was just too much going on. My sweet little cat Umbra had been diagnosed with some physical health issues, while I was struggling with getting HRT and potentially working towards adopting a kid. Well... safe to say, I only have one of those things to worry about now. Umbra's doing a lot better, and she's got a surgery scheduled this week that will hopefully put an end to that specific issue. And I just got rejected by my gender clinic. They've decided not to provide HRT. I'm officially not trans enough, so I'm feeling kind of numb and self-destructive and kind of mourning my future right now. Let's hope this'll make it easier for me to have that kid at least, eh?

Hi anon,

I'm glad to hear that Umbra's health is improving. On the other hand, I'm sorry to hear about being rejected for HRT. When I identified as male, they rejected me when I asked to start T. That can be super invalidating and can enable your gender dysphoria, so please remember to be patient with yourself during this time. I don't recall if you're seeing a therapist, but if you can access or afford one, especially a therapist who works with queer folks, that could be a great way to have support as you figure out your next steps.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[zezah-xiomara-citrine]

I want to start dressing fem in public but I have a long way to go before that's a thing. It does not help that I want to look like Xena warrior princes or Nubi from the DC comics. I'm going to be in the gym a lot this coming up year 😅

Hopefully the fat I already have goes straight to my hips and chest when I get on E. I'm super super hopeful that happens!!! I'm not going to have super big cups without some work, but I know that booty is going to get big and I can't wait for that!

I have my first meeting with the doc on the 6th to discuss transitioning. I'm worried they are going to give me the runaround. If you see me IRL you would think I should be in the Space Wolves chapter of the Adeptus Astarties. No one believes me when I tell them I'm trans. Sometimes when I hear my deep hardy laughs and old grizzled sayings, I don't believe it either. I had to perform as a macho man for so long that it's just second nature now. Which is the opposite of how I really am but that's just the environment I was in growing up.

Hopefully, my insurance application goes well and I get a chance to start HRT ASAP. I'm so excited I can explode with the anticipation. My boyfriends and roommates are super supportive which is so validating. I have made friends with a lot of trans and gender queer people here in town as well which has been such a refreshing experience.

All these years I thought I was looking for a woman or partner that had all the traits I was looking for. In reality, I was just wanting to bring those things out in myself and I'm so excited for it!!! I get to be my ideal woman in the future and I'm super grateful to be in an environment to grow into and explore that.

The next few years are going to be exciting!!!

[femboty2k]

A whole year!!! I'm officially a year on HRT as of today! (07/29/2023) still kinda can't believe I even got to start my transition proper all that time ago. Stuff's been ups and downs but one thing I can say for sure is that I am infinitely happier as the girl I am now. <3 Here's to all the subtle changes I've seen, and hopefully some big ones in the future!

(picture order: 3yrs ago pre transition, 1 yr ago first day of HRT, this month 1yr on HRT)

[mathcorebxre]

Kara's Transition Diary, week 1

Hi,

My name is Kara. Im a closet transfemme from the UK. I needed somewhere to vent and talk about my journey in depth, and I dont really have anyone in my life that I can talk to about this so I'm going to put it out on here. I'm hoping to update this weekly, so my thoughts come out as true as I can have them, so they might be a bit triggering and dark sometimes, but hopefully it will have a happy ending! The hope with this post is that someone will read it in the future and I can help someone figure out their identity and it will help them!

Because this is my first entry, I'll give a bit of history of myself, and how I realised I was transgender. I'm 21, and when I started university at 18, I started to explore my sexuality and gender a bit more. I have always found it easier to talk to women, and I've always felt more comfortable around them than with groups of guys. When I was younger, I was weirdly drawn to trans topics, and found myself watching videos from trans people talking about their lives for hours on end. When I first moved into university, I bought a dildo, and I soon found that I felt much more comfortable wearing tights, thigh highs and the like when I was mastrubating that way. I'm not quite sure why, and I do kind of feel ashamed that this is how my journey started. I feel like everytime I have to explain how I knew I was trans that they will think of it as a fetish because of it, but I'm sure its not.

When covid happened, I was not in a good place. I was severly depressed, and I couldn't stand seeing myself in the mirror. I would cry in the shower because I felt like my life was worthless. I started crossdressing fully around that time, and that's when I realised I was trans. I had a wall to wall wardrobe in my room which had doors covered in mirrors, and i normally kept the wardrobe fully open so that i didnt have to look at myself. Everytime I did, I couldnt stand the sight of me. Everything about me looked ugly. I hated my body, my chest, my facial hair, everything.

Then one day, I ordered a really nice dress. It was a blue check pinnafore, with a white long sleeve attached. I put it on, and the way it fit was amazing. it was tight around the waist, and gave the impression of a bit of an hourglass shape. I stood infornt of the mirror, and I experienced euphoria like never before. I cried because I'd never been so happy looking at myself. It was like a switch was turned in my head, and I knew that was who I was meant to be.

This was around the middle of 2020. A lot of time has passed since then, and I don't want this first entry to be the length of a novel so I wont get into eveything thats happened since here. What I do want to do is say what brought me here to write this diary.

Today, I had an appointment with an endocrinologist, about perscribing HRT. The result of that discussion was that he didn't think that perscibing me was the right choice because he wasnt sure that I was fully trans. I think it was really the way that I explained everything, so I want to write down all of my thoughts so I can explain everything better.

Yeah, so thats the start of it. I know that I'm on a long journey, and I dont know if anyone will read this or will care, but I just wanted to write it and I feel better now I have.

If anyone does read this and wants to talk about it, please feel free!

See you all next week :)

[justmarried2012]

basic plans and blog introduction (11/20/2024)

I'm planning on taking a very low dose of T (subcutaneous injections) combined with finasteride. I haven't started yet (not sure when exactly, but it is in the near future), but my dosage will be 1.5mg finasteride every other day (a 5 mg pill split into 4 pieces), and .10mL (of a 200mg/mL solution) testosterone cypionate weekly.

My reasons for taking finasteride alongside the testosterone are many. The first thing is my hair: finasteride (alongside dutasteride, which is also sometimes used for this purpose) is a DHT blocker, which can slow male-pattern baldness. As mentioned earlier, dutasteride is also used for this purpose, but it is a "stronger" drug and I would be hesitant to try it myself given that the side effects (anecdotally) are more severe. Secondly: it can, according to online testimony (take EVERYTHING you see online with a grain of salt, including my blog), also slow the growth of facial hair and bottom growth. I personally don't care much for facial hair, but I didn't want bottom growth or to experience hair loss on my head. I understand that "cherrypicking" is a topic of discussion among circles of medical transitioners, so I will iterate that DHT blockers are NO guarantee- I cannot guarantee that taking them will actually stop these effects from happening, I am taking a chance here. Everything related to hormones is a genetic roll of the dice. The men in my family aren't prone to early hair loss- my own father is in his late 50s and still has a full head of hair with no bald spots. So keep in mind that even if I was a male NOT taking finasteride, at my age I would still probably have all of my hair. DHT blockers can also sometimes make a person's period start again (if taken after already being on testosterone) or not stop at all (if taken at the same time)- this is, again, no guarantee, though I don't mind either way. Thirdly: (also according to online testimony), it slows down the other changes you get on T: or at least evens them out so there are no big, quick changes like one might get on plain T. This is related to my next point about my goals here.

My goals for hrt may seem atypical to those familiar with similar timeline blogs. I do NOT plan to be on testosterone long-term. I do not want to have male-typical levels of testosterone for a long period of time. I plan on stopping testosterone once my voice deepens to the level I want it to, and I get more body hair (building muscle more easily is a nice bonus, since I already weightlift consistently, but this will go away once I go off of the testosterone). I will stop testosterone once I feel that I do not want the changes any longer (I anticipate 6 months minimum, up to 2 years maximum). I have no idea how long this will take, because everybody's timeline is different, so I plan to keep this blog running however long it takes. I will reiterate: understand that this is no guarantee. I could very well go on testosterone and, despite my effort, get only bottom growth and hair loss as my effects and not get a deeper voice or more body hair. This is a risk I accept. If you are going a similar route (again, I am NOT endorsing this), do not expect to get anything specific, because you may be disappointed. I still have working ovaries, so I am not worried about being able to return to my current levels after going off of testosterone (though, again, permanent effects are a risk that I am taking here. Do NOT take this as me telling you it's always harmless- it is not. I'm telling you this because I know MANY people who have been on testosterone and experienced negative effects (as well as positive)).

This is also the reason for my low testosterone dose. I want the changes slow enough that I can carefully monitor them, and hopefully not end up with any changes I do not want permanently. It may happen regardless, but I hope that slow changes and a low dose will keep me safer than the typical dosage. A typical dose of testosterone is 50-60 mg weekly (at 200 mg/mL- this is .25-.3 mL compared to my intended .10 mL).

I am choosing subcutaneous injection because it is the easiest and cheapest method I have available to me. I am afraid of needles, so this will be interesting to blog about. I chose subcutaneous over intramuscular because the needles are smaller and do not go in as far. I have found no evidence that one method is superior to the other.

About me: I am an adult (who has been an adult for some time now- I'm not a teenager). I wish to remain anonymous on this blog, and therefore will not be sharing any personal information, such as my name, gender identity, and where I live outside of the fact I am in the USA. Though, that said: to the people reading this, understand that tumblr is not a secure platform. If you truly wish to stay anonymous for safety, at least access the site with a VPN if not a secure OS such as tails. It can be difficult to refer to me without any identifying information, though, so you can call me Rex and whatever pronouns you want (I genuinely do not care). Yes, my username is a reference to that glocca morra album.

Body information: I am not acne prone and had clear skin even as a teenager (but we will see if this changes on testosterone). I have very thick and dense hair. I am 5'5" and approximately 145 pounds as of 11/20/2024. I have a job that involves near-constant activity, and I weightlift somewhat regularly. I do not have any facial hair or thick hair anywhere on my body save for pubic area + underarms (I even tried the old trick of using minoxidil on your face to encourage hair growth, if you are about to suggest that- didn't work for me at all).

DISCLAIMER: This is not an endorsement of hormones. I have no agenda. Take everything you read on this blog (and elsewhere on the internet) with a grain of salt. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A CHILD. I cannot stop minors from accessing my blog, however please understand I am just one person and I speak from a place of no authority.

Anonymous asks will be open for questions related to what I post here. Please don't ask me hypotheticals or advice on anything medical- a doctor would be a better avenue for that.

BLOG INDEX:

body stats (will try to post this regularly to keep track of changes)

changelog (will post these when I experience a noticable change)

information (helpful links i personally use)

t shot updates (getting over my fear of needles. will try to post here weekly)

voicelog (voice change tracking. will include approximate Hz as recorded on an app (probably not exact))