#and hope the ones i dont follow felt the same way at least a little bit

[frostios]

From here on out if i wanna know about ppls ocs im just gonna make a post here asking ppl to tell me about them 💚

[rosenclaws]

obsessed with your ex || Worst!Logan Howlett smut

summary: In his world you were his wife and he loved you and then you died. In this world you're his girlfriend and he loves you. At least you think he does. Still you can't help the voice in the back of your head telling you that you're nothing but a sad replacement.

warnings: SMUT, MINORS DNI!! 18+ ONLY. insecure + jealous!reader, a very very toxic mindset, the reader's mind is very mean to her, reader is a mutant that can make objects disappear, angst, happy ending, rough sex, riding, french kissing, oral (f!receiving), a slight breakdown, soft sex, missionary, Logan is kinda a softie, cockwarming, fingering.

wc: 2.5k

a/n: Okay so it's here!! I need to make this clear that the readers mindset is NOT healthy and that relationships need good communication. That being said here's my fic idea that I've been thinking about for a bit. I love Olivia Rodrigo sm (I even saw her in concert!!) and this song was just begging to be written into a fic. Anyways I really hope you like it and that it's not too insane lmao. Also i made the graphic but i kinda hate it but i dont wanna change it so here we are I know it's ugly but its FINE

How long have you been here? Staring. Observing every little thing about you. Your nose, your eyes, your lips, your hair, your chin. The way your arms fall by your sides. Every. Little. Detail.

Did she have the same colored eyes? Did she talk like you? Was she smart? Was she powerful? Did he look at her the same way? Did he fuck her like he fucks you?

You clench your fists as you stare angrily at the mirror. He loves you. He says he loves you and yet it feels like you can never compare to her. She was the love of his life. She was an X-Men. She died. She was you. You're his dead fucking wife in his universe while you were nothing to the Logan in this one. 

He looked at you like a kicked puppy that first day you met. A lost little pet that had been searching for its owner. Dragged through hell and back just to get to you. It was easy to fall for him. Handsome, a little rough around the edges. You hadn’t even been dating for that long but it didn’t matter right? He worshiped you. He loved you. He promised he loved you.

But sometimes in the back of your head you wonder if when he's kissing you, does he imagine her? Does he close his eyes while he's pounding into you and imagine it's her? How could you ever compete? She was perfect, she was kind, she was everything to him. Spiraling deeper and deeper into a whirlpool of doubt and envy. There's a heavy pounding on the door but you choose to ignore it. Too wrapped up in your twisted mind to care. 

"Sweetheart, let me in." Logan's gruff voice was slightly muffled by the door. 

You clench your jaw as you finally tear your eyes away from the mirror. You slam open the door taking Logan by surprise. His eyes scan yours for injury, a worried look in his face as he steps into the bathroom. 

"I got worried, you were in here a long time." His arms wrap around your waist. 

He's looking at you with pity. At least that's what your brain tells you. Was he worried that you were hurt because he loves you or because he was thinking of her death again? You know he still dreams of her. He can hide it when he's awake but the nightmares don't lie. It hurts so bad. Love me. Love me. You're jealous you know. She's dead, she's gone. So why can't he love you. You push him off and storm out the bathroom. Nothing makes sense anymore in your head. 

"What the fuck?" Logan follows you and you feel yourself tensing up. 

It's a miracle your powers haven't started to go haywire yet. So many different emotions swirl around in your head until it mixes together to form one single feeling.

Need.

You grab Logan's shirt and pull him into you. Smashing your lips onto his with a hunger that you've never felt before. Logan hisses as you bite his bottom lip harshly but you don't give him time to say anything as you slip your tongue into his mouth. He groans as he starts to take some control back. Hands slipping up your shirt and ripping to shreds with ease.

You pull back from his lips, chest heaving for air as you paw at his shirt. Silently demanding he take it off which he happily does. Your lips are back onto his in an instant. He slowly walks you back until you fall onto the bed. You fall onto the bed and lick your lips. The bugle in his pants is evident as you flick your hand and the belt disappears. 

"I liked that belt." You pay no mind to his comment as you unbutton his jeans and pull them down, leaving him in his boxers. 

"Easy there sweetheart," Logan pushes you back gently and crawls on top of you. Logan kisses down your chest, teasing each nipple with his tongue. 

"Let me take my time." He purrs.

His hands touch and squeeze your breasts roughly making you whine. You watch his arms move, god he's so hot. He's close to making you forget. He kisses down, down, all the way down. He sneaks out the tip of his claws to pop open the button of your pants and he yanks them down until they're all the way off.

"There she is, my perfect girl." His girl. That's right your his girl. No one else's.

Logan pulls your panties to the side as he situates himself between your legs. He stuffs his face without shame, licking hungrily and practically moaning at the taste. You arch your back as Logan devours you. Watching his back muscles move are mesmerizing. He's yours. He loves you. He promises he does.

You can't stop the thoughts that begin to invade you. Overwhelmed by pleasure from Logan and pain from the horrible ideas that pop into your head. Did he do this with her too? Did he worship her? Do you taste like her? Is that why he can't get enough? 

"Fuck!" You hiss as you sit up and tell Logan to stop. He does immediately, wondering what the hell is going on. 

"Can't fucking wait." You scratch down his chest with your nails. He groans and tries to crawl on top of you but you shake your head. 

"I'm going to ride you until you can't come anymore." You growl.

You bite his shoulder harshly making him hiss. It heals right up much to your dismay. How badly you wish you could mark him. You make his boxers disappear but before he can make a smart comment you sink down on him all the way. You whimper as you start to bounce on his cock. Loving how much he fills you.

You need to be fucked stupid. You're desperate for Logan to fuck every bad thought out of your head. To promise that he loves you so that you can believe him. You want to believe him. Please, you have to believe him. 

"Sweetheart." Logan's breath is labored as you relentlessly fuck yourself on his cock. You feel so damn good but fuck he can tell something is on your mind. 

"What do you need, let me help you." He sits up on his hands, placing one on your back as he tries to get you to slow down. His words make you want to scream. What do you need? You look at him and the only thing your rotten brain can tell you is that he is thinking of her. 

"I need you to fucking love me!" You yell.

The dam of built up feelings breaks down as tears pour out of your eyes. Ugly, horrible sobs that make your body shake. Logan watches with horror in his eyes as he stills your hips, using his strength to lift you off of him as you continue to cry. 

"I do love you." He says softly but you shake your head. 

"No!" You shout. You pound your fist against Logan's chest over and over again but he barely moves. 

"You love her! I know you do." Logan's heart breaks at the sound of your sobs. 

"I'm not your dead fucking wife Logan!" You should regret the words coming out of your mouth but you can't stop them. 

"You look at me and you see her. Like I'm just some fucking placeholder!" You let out an anguished scream as Logan captures your wrists in his hands. You know the stories. She was a hero, she was perfect in every single way. 

"How can I compete with, with her?" You say completely defeated.

Your head falls against his chest. There's a sense of relief that washes over you. Thoughts that have plagued you for months are finally out in the open. Yet the fear of what comes next overtakes any other feeling.

"Look at me." Logan tilts your head up but you push his hand away. 

"Sweetheart." He sighs and lets go of your face.

Logan's never been good at this. Talking. Being vulnerable. Then he lost everything and he hardened even more and he just. This was a new chance at life and even though it's hard he can't lose it all again. 

"I know you're not her. Of course I do." Logan presses his forehead against yours, trying to get you to look at him. 

"You loved her..." You croak out. 

"I did love her. She was my wife. But I love you too. In a different way." He's a different man. Having gone through tremendous loss. It shaped him into who he is now. 

"You're different people. Your powers act differently, you talk differently, you feel different. You are not a replacement." He says firmly. 

When you finally look at him he feels this horrible pit in his stomach. He wipes away your tears but doesn't make any other move. It's not the right time.

"Would you have even given me a second thought? If I didn't look like her?" You ask, that question has haunted you for a while now but you never asked, too afraid of the answer. Logan is silent, unsure of how to answer. 

"When I first saw you it was like a punch in the face." He starts. "For a moment I was 20 years in the past. Then I snapped out of it. You look like her, yes but you’re not her.” He gently traces a small scar on your jaw that you got when you were a child. 

“I’m not the same as your Logan right? He was a leader, a hero and I was an angry drunk murderer.” 

“I’m not gonna start listing all your fucking differences sweetheart, but I swear on my life that I love you for you.” He pulls you into a tight hug as you start to cry again. You cling onto him as tight as you can. The bad thoughts don’t just stop, even if you want them to but Logans whispering sweet words in your ear. Pushing out every bad thought for now.

“Logan,” You take a deep breath, letting Logan invade all your senses. Tobacco and whiskey. 

“I need you.” He’s hesitant, not sure if it’s the right time.

“Please, I just need you.”

“Okay sweetheart, you have me.” He slowly rolls you over and lays you on your back.

He captures your lips into a kiss. His hips rolling slowly making you moan softly. His lips drift from your lips to the corner of your mouth to your cheek, trailing down. Each one so gentle, so full of love.

“You have this spot, righttt here.” Logan nibbles on your neck and you gasp when bites right at this spot that drives you wild. You melt into the mattress as he kisses over it.

“Always makes you relax.” He crawls lower, kissing down your body. He sits up on his knees and grabs a pillow to place under your back.

“I know you like to be slightly elevated because it means I can go just a little deeper.” He purrs as he takes his cock in his hands and gently rubs the tip of it along your folds. He slides two fingers into your cunt slowly.

“Know that my fingers drive you absolutely wild, that you need me to go slow to start.” You nod absentmindedly.

You never realized he picked up on all these things. His fingers start to slide in smoother, your cunt getting wetter for him. He leans down and takes a deep breath, groaning at the scent. He slips them out and licks them clean.

“Relax sweetheart,” He spreads your thighs and slips in all the way. Going slow but unrelenting, stretching you just how you like.

“So impatient, you never let me take it easy on you right? Just wanna be full all the time.” He leans down on his elbows as he rolls his hips nice and slow.

There will be no rough sex this time, this is about love. To show you that he truly does love you for you.

“Look at me,” He tilts your head so that your eyes meet. He smiles at the desperate look on your face.

“You can pretend it makes you all embarrassed, but I know you like eye contact.” He hums as he angles his hips so that he hits that perfect spot.

You jolt as pleasure rocks through your whole body but he keeps you under him. He’s slowly and methodically tearing you apart. Every touch, every word out of his mouth just makes it better. He knows. Of course he does.

“I love you Logan.” Your hands cup his face as you stare into his hazel eyes.

This time not filled with lust, but with a true deep love. He looks at you like you’re everything.

“I love you too.” He kisses you as he starts to pick up the pace of his thrusts. He smirks as he feels you start to squirm under him. You could never help it when you were close.

“Come on sweetheart, just let go.” He whispers in your ear.

His deep voice paired with the unrelenting feeling of his cock is all it takes. He holds you in his firm arms as a warm and wonderful tingling sensation runs through your whole body. A blissful smile on your face as you tilt your head back.

You feel your whole body relax as your mind calms. Logan tries to hide his growls as he fucks into you a little faster, until he’s coming hard and deep inside of you. He sighs in contentment as he stays inside of you. He taps your cheek lightly and you look up at him.

“I love you. No one else. Just you.” He moves to pull out but you whine. You need to be close to him right now. He chuckles as he slowly moves to your side. Spooning you tightly with his cock still deep inside of you.

“Can we talk?” You ask shyly.

“About what?” Logan grunts as he pulls you as close as he can get you.

“Anything?” He’s not much of a talker so he asks the questions instead.

How did you discover your powers? How did you meet wade? Just anything and everything and you tell him.

You talk for who knows how long. Staying wrapped in each other's arms. It helps, it really does. Logan listens, he really does listen. He wants to get to know you. He loves you. You rest your head on his chest, tracing shapes into his palm as you talk.

For the first time in a while your mind seems to settle. Ignoring any thought that may try and ruin your mood. It’s just you and him right now. There’s no looming figure of your alternate selves, not anymore.

Just you and Logan. Forever.

[amuyyi]

warm enough .

synopsis; recovering from an expected breakup, you find yourself drunk at a nearby bar, encountering an unfamiliar girl who happens to know your ex.

trope; non idol!ningning x fem!reader, uni au, fluff, a little angst, a little suggestive, strangers to lovers, feat. kep1er members :3

wc; 4.8k

cw; a little suggestive but not really

a/n; fun fact this happened to me irl ! figured i could use my experiences for stories ! everything from the breakup to the bar kiss is based on my personal experience so lol have fun. also its kinda poorly written because i wrote some of it while on the plane + in china while being very tired and i dont feel like proofreading so im sorry ^^'

The breakup was supposed to be a mutual thing. A smooth and easy agreement between you and Jimin. You guys met in a cafe when your soon-to-be-ex girlfriend finally dropped the bomb on you. 

“I still care a lot about you, y/n. But I want to focus on myself and my future… I think you should too.”

You wanted to speak up, say that you didn’t want to let go yet. Just… hold on for a little longer. Maybe it’d get better if you guys just kept it going for another week. Another month. Another day?

 “What I’m trying to say is…”

You always hated this part.

“I think we should break up.”

Despite the older girl being the one to initiate the ending of the relationship, you always knew it was coming. Jimin was sweet, and you definitely did enjoy the little dates you guys had been on through the past year, but there was something missing. Every time she looked at you, it seemed like she was looking through your eyes into her own. Her mind was always elsewhere whenever you two were together, like she was searching for something you couldn’t provide. She never seemed to smile around you, never laughed loudly or hugged you with warmth. 

You really tried to be the person for her, you really did; but it was apparent that she was trying to convince herself you were the one as well.

It was shown in the way she bought you endless gifts with things you said you wanted, but never kissed you, In the way she would allow you to hold her hand, but never reached out herself, how she couldn’t bring herself to say “I love you” out loud. Jimin was cold.

You agreed that this was the best path to take, how you felt the exact same way and that it would be good for the both of you, but the tears that nonconsensually left your eyes said otherwise. You still remember the last words you told her before you got up to leave.

“I really hoped it was you.”

There's a saying or the other. “Your body will know if someone is right for you.” You came across it while aimlessly scrolling on social media once, and you thought it was an interesting but ridiculous concept. Countless people would share stories about how their hair would fall out or how they would break out into horrible acne when they were with their past partners, only being relieved from this when single or with their “match.”

It was funny, and you didn’t believe one bit of it until it actually happened. The tightness in your chest that followed you every time you two went out together, the stress of wondering if she actually enjoyed her company, the way you couldn’t truly relax in her presence– it all went away. It all left when she walked out of your life, and you’ve never felt more at peace with a decision. At least, for a little bit.

The breakup was the easy part. It was the recovery that ruined you.

You were the one to establish a rule of no contact, even after you both expressed wanting to stay in touch. It was your only way to hold on to the last sliver of pride you had left after spending a year chasing after Yu Jimin. The rule was established to allow you some time to heal, and you hoped to return to the girl as friends once you felt ready.

With this in mind, you then proceeded to spend a month barely eating, barely sleeping, and not leaving your apartment unless you needed to for classes. It was difficult to be on your own after dedicating so much time to her, falling behind, hoping that she would see you the way you saw her; but after about a month, you slowly felt yourself regaining your footing.

You started going out again, talking with your roommate, taking time to actually care for yourself. It was nice. Perhaps your progress would have left you comfortable enough to move on if you didn’t decide to go out that day.

There she was. Yu Jimin. After an exact 31 days of no contact with her, you finally cross paths. Quite literally, at that– but she wasn’t alone. There was a girl on her arm. She was pretty. Blonde with bobbed hair and a soft smile that made it impossible to hate her. Jimin was smiling too. This is the first time you’ve seen her smile like that, smiling as if she found what she was looking for after all of this time. She doesn't look past her. She sees her.

Jimin holds the other girl by the small of her waist the way she used to do with you, and she kisses her. She kissed her. Just like how she used to kiss you, but not exactly. There's love in her eyes. A warmth you’ve never seen before. In her eyes, there is certainty.

And that was the day your world came crashing down on top of you.

You tried to act normal as you walked past. You really did. Your eyes remain glued to your phone as your knuckles turn white. Her eyes didn’t even meet yours as you walked by. Why wouldn't she look at you? Maybe she's wondering why you won't look at her. That must be it. You hold your breath. As soon as she passed by, you couldn’t help yourself. You made the mistake of looking back.

…Nothing.

As soon as Jimin was out of sight, you cried. You ran home, scaring half the life out of your poor roommate, Xiaoting, as you collapsed in your bed. Everything hurts. Why did it hurt? You wanted this. You felt better without her— the tightness in your chest was gone. 

Instead, it was replaced by an indescribably painful ache. One that felt so deep within your soul it would never heal. Quietly entering your room, Xiaoting says nothing as she sits next to your limp body on the bed, rubbing your back comfortingly. The gesture only makes you sob even harder. 

She's been with you through it all. From the beginning of your relationship with Jimin till the end, she was there. Xiaoting really was a good friend.

From then on, Xiaoting’s one goal was simple: cheer you up. She would cook at least once for you every day despite not being the best chef, and she would allow you to rant about the same things over and over no matter how overbearing it got. Honestly, you started to feel a little bad. She shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for you just because you’re a little sad.

So when Xiaoting announces that you will be joining her at the bar with her friends tonight, you couldn't say no. Both because she stated it, not asked you, and that it simply was the least you could do for her. Especially after everything she’s done for you. Before you knew it, you were dressed up in your best (slutty) corset top and cargo pants with some hoops and over exaggerated makeup to accent the look. Xiaoting, as your best roommate and friend, matches with you, and you two make a big scene out of getting ready together; blasting music, doing each other's hair, borrowing each other's clothes, and more.

Xiaoting’s girlfriend Yujin had made herself at home for the pregame, and your mutual friend Hikaru soon followed. With Xiaoting as designated bartender, the four of you mingle, laughing and cracking jokes as the warmth of the alcohol and one another’s presence left you with a warming buzz. Xiaoting was an excellent mixer, and in combination with the chasers Hikaru bought and the drinking games Yujin proposed, you were all ready to go. 

Xiaoting and Yujin led the way, hand in hand as you and Hikaru trailed behind, drunkenly singing into the cold night air as you trek to the nearest bar.

Being a Friday night, the establishment had been as packed as expected, and you all squeezed your way past other visitors as you’re guided to a nearby table. Xiaoting starts off strong, ordering shots for the entire group before utilizing her combined charm alongside her girlfriend’s looks to convince guys to purchase drinks for everyone as well. You couldn’t help but laugh at the way the duo would bat their eyelashes innocently at lone men for drinks– but at least it worked.

Lazily, your eyes wander through the crowd, the alcohol in your system making it a struggle to see straight. Despite your inability to see properly, you still manage to catch a glimpse of your friends from the corner of your eye, and easily spot Yujin attempting to very publicly make out with Xiaoting as Hikaru struggles to pull her away. You stifle a laugh at the sight, and decide to leave the three to their antics whilst you look for someone to talk to.

It's been a while since you last struck up a conversation with a stranger. The last time you had put yourself out there was before you met… 

You shake your head. No. You are not letting your stupid ex ruin your night. Knitting your brows in concentration, you scan the bar. There were plenty of pretty girls to talk to, but you were feeling a little intimidated. Almost all of them came with at least one other person, and you didn’t want to intrude on anything…

 Your eyes landed on a lone blonde at the end of the table, scrolling through her phone with alcohol flushed cheeks. She seemed approachable. Worst case scenario, she simply shoos you off. Taking a deep breath, you approach the blonde, deciding to pull out your best conversation starter.

“Are you chinese? You look chinese!!” You exclaim, suddenly switching to mandarin in the middle of your sentence as you ask the question. Smooth.

The blonde girl looks as if she would’ve been extremely offended at the comment if you didn't just speak to her in her native tongue halfway through your sentence, and she quirks a brow at you, an amused smirk on her lips as she leans against the bar. 

“Yeah, I am! What's a cutie like you doing in a place like this alone??” 

You feel your heart begin to race. So far so good. “I'm not alone!!! My friends are just busy making out with each other and the other is trying to stop them!!” You also lean on the bar, though not as alluring as the blonde before you. More like you partially collapsed and partially slid on it.

She chortles at your response, “well that's not fair to you, leaving you here all alone.”

The sweet and somewhat sultry tone of the blonde makes (non alcohol induced) blush appear on your face as you laugh, “it really isn't! But whatever! My name is y/n by the way!! What's yours??” You scream over the music, sticking your hand out. It was an unexpectedly polite gesture considering your circumstances, and perhaps it may have seemed a bit comical as well with how drunk you were.

She giggles at the response, grabbing your hand then pulling you in, her lips dangerously close to your ear as she yells over the music, “Ning Yizhuo. But call me Ningning! It's cuter!”

You grin. Ningning was a cute nickname. You decided at this very moment you could trust this cute stranger with your life story and personal information she didn’t ask for, and begin to slur out.

“My friends dragged me out here because I was sad over my ex who moved on from me a month after the breakup even though we dated for a year and she's a big jerk for that even though I wish only the best for her but also I hope she dies!!!”

None of the words you spoke just now came out clear, and they seemed to trip over one another when leaving your mouth, but it was enough for the other girl to go from extremely relaxed to suddenly very heated. She stands up straight as her eyebrows knit together.

“To be honest I don’t think she ever really liked me in the first place! I don’t know!! Whatever it doesn’t matter!!!” You continue on, sounding absolutely pathetic as you let yourself feel through the anger you didn’t even know you were repressing, “I was stupid to stay with someone who couldn’t even look me in the eye when saying she loved me!! She was stupid to do the same!! Whatever!! I don’t know!!”

Ningning cuts you off with a raised hand before you can continue, “what the hell?! I hate people like that!!  You're wayyyy too hot to be treated that way! Who is she? What's her name?? I might know her!!”

Against your better drunken judgment, you decide to name drop your ex within a university bar. Because that is always a good idea. “Yu Jimin!! She's a engineering major !!!”

Ningning’s jaw drops as she stares at you, almost as if she were trying to find the correct words for what she has to say next.

“Girl, I know her !!!” She screams out after a brief moment of silence,  “we shared a class together once!! Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't know she was like that!! You deserve BETTER!” 

Before you could even think of what to say in reaction to that heavy load of information, Ningning grabs your face, pulling you into a kiss. It was a very messy one, her lips almost missing your own during the exchange. Seems like she's not entirely sober either. 

Still, even in your drunken state you knew what to do. Your hands immediately find Ningnings hair as you pull her in closer, and you can feel her smiling as she grazes her tongue over the bottom of your lip. 

You open your mouth to let her in and the only thing that you can think of or even feel for that matter is Ningning and her tongue. She… was really good at this. Jimin never kissed you like this before. Her hands trail down your back to your ass before she squeezes it, smirking when you squirm against her touch.

She breaks the kiss, her face inches away from yours as she breathes out, “you deserve so much better…” Ningning gives you a quick peck on the lips before stepping back, taking in her work with a devilish glint in her eyes. You stare at her dumbfounded for a moment before whipping out your phone, fully talking in your appearance. Your hair and makeup were a wreck. How did all of that happen just now?

“Done by yours truly~” Ningning winks at you, quickly slipping your phone out of your hand and typing something in.

“Wh— Wait what are you doing?”

“Giving you my number, obviously. My girls are gonna wonder where I went.” She hands back your phone and looks at you with soft eyes through her drunken daze. 

“Take care of yourself, yeah?” Ningning kisses you one last time, giving your hand a squeeze before letting go. She disappears into the crowd of partygoers, a sly fox-like grin on her face.

“There you are!” 

You feel an arm land on your shoulder as you jump, twirling around and looking down to see a drunk Hikaru with a slightly less drunk Xiaoting and an absolutely hammered Yujin on her side.

“We should probably head back home!” Xiaoting screams into your ear, “Hikaru’s gonna knock out on the couch and Yujin will be with me!”

Her words barely make it through to you, the music and the alcohol and the adrenaline within your system muffling out every word spoken. Regardless, you still nod and trail behind your friends as you leave, not all too sure what just happened.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You lay in bed, eyes practically burning holes into the new contact in your phone. “宁宁<3” is what it said. 

So last night wasn’t just a dream. You really did just get a girl's number by doing nothing but spilling your secrets to a stranger. On top of all of that, your head was absolutely killing you, you swore you could feel your heartbeat within your brain. Still, that wasn’t important. Biting your lip, your fingers hover over the contact name. Should you message her? 

y/n [10:59]  — hey !! its y/n, the girl from the bar

y/n [10:59]  — thanks for keeping me company last night :)

ningning [11:06]  — i was wondering if u were gonna text me back

ningning [11:06] — and of course <3 jimin doesn’t know what she lost

y/n [11:08] — haha im flattered

y/n [11:08]  — but u barely know me??

ningning [11:11]  — that can change xx

Your eyes widen as you reread the text over and over again. Is she implying what you think she's implying? What if she's just being friendly? Can you even platonically make out with someone at the bar?

y/n [11:16] — are u asking me out on a date ning yizhuo ?

You wait. 

Oh god. What if she was just being friendly?

ningning [11:18]  — only if youll have me 

You feel yourself blush at her message, burying your face into your pillow as you squeal like a high school teenager in love. It was embarrassing in hindsight, but.. it felt nice to be wanted. 

y/n [11:19] —  of course

ningning [11:19] — perfect <3 

ningning [11:20] — dinner at my place tonight then? 

ningning [11:20] — If youre not too hungover.. 

ningning [11:20] — i got the best hangover cures ;)

you can't help but arch your eyebrow at the winky face she added at the end but brushed it off, more focused on the fact that your drunk hatred towards your ex landed you a date. 

You scramble to your feet and (metaphorically) kick down Xiaoting’s door, abruptly waking the girl from her nap as she screams out, “WO CAO!” She places a hand over her heart as she bolts up within her bed, immediately letting out a sigh of relief when she realizes it was just you. 

“Girl what the HELL is wrong with you?!” She hisses, laying back down and throwing the blanket over her head.

You, being the ever loving and best roommate ever, respond to this by jumping into bed with (on top of) the redhead and squeezing her as tight as you can while screaming “I HAVE A DATE!!!”

Xiaoting shoots back up, your arms still latched onto her torso as she looks down at you, eyes wide. “Wait, are you serious?”

You hear a low groan and a hand slapping your arm as you roll your eyes, slapping the arm back as the voice of Yujin grumbles out and shuffles deeper within the sheets.

Both you and Xiaoting look at one another and giggle before she quietly slips out of bed, quickly placing a kiss on Yujins head before grabbing your arm and leading you out of her room. Once outside, she firmly grasps your shoulders. 

“Okay, now tell me everything.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You nervously stand outside of Ningnings apartment, bag clutched in hand as you look back behind you. Xiaoting sat within her car on the side of the road, keeping an eye on you to make sure this girl wasn’t going to kidnap you or the other.

The two of you (and soon enough Yujin and Hikaru) had spent the day giving you pointers on how to go about the date. They had thrown an ungodly amount of clothes your way as well as telling you endless conversation starters and compliments to give another person. By the end of it all your head was overflowing with information that you were going to forget as soon as you head out the door, and all of your closet was sprawled on your bedroom floor and in the living room. Still, the girls seemed quite proud of their work.

All of you had consecutively agreed on an outfit that was nice, but not too nice. You wore a plaid skirt paired with a simple tank top and an off the shoulder cardigan.

Holding your breath, you ring the doorbell. You really hoped this wasn’t a mistake. When was the last time you were actually on a date with someone? You couldn't remember. After a few moments of silence, you hear shuffling followed by the door unlocking and Ningning poking her head out shyly. Her eyes light up at the sight of you before opening the door completely, revealing her outfit.

She wore an oversized plaid button up, unintentionally matching with your skirt alongside baggy jeans and some bunny slippers you thought were incredibly cute. Her hair was tied up in a messy but charming bun, held up by a hair stick with small gemstones dangling from the end.

This Ningning was completely different from the one you had met at the bar last night. Though, you suppose you were a different person now as well.

“You're here! Come in come in!” She grabs your hand and guides you inside. Flustered, you spare a quick glance behind you, and you can spot the silhouette of Xiaoting throwing a thumbs up from her car before Ningning closes the door behind you.

“You look gorgeous today, by the way,” Ningning compliments, her thumb rubbing over your fingers as she walks you through her apartment. The gesture makes your cheeks warm, and you find yourself easing into her touch like putty. It was a touch that was loving. Kind. Intentional. 

Her home was cozy, with white walls paired alongside warm lighting and paintings and other wall art lining the interior. There was an appetizing aroma that wafted through the air, and you had remembered that Ningning had offered to cook for you.

“What have you prepared for us tonight, chef Ningning?” You ask, squeezing her hand as she grins, “Well it's not much, I'm not a really good cook but I decided to make us some dumplings! A little basic, but it's the only dish I feel like I’ve actually perfected.”

“I hope this is the hangover cure you mentioned” you comment lightheartedly, and you sense a playful energy in the way she looks back at you.

“You'll find out soon enough.”

You once again find yourself quirking a brow at her vague answers, but she simply smiles at you innocently and you find yourself smiling back. It was hard to not be amused by her.

Ningning guides you to the kitchen, which was cleaned perfectly for your arrival. On the center of the table were multiple bamboo steamer baskets, as well as a large tea pot and a simple glass bottle with various native wildflowers as a centerpiece. 

The other girl pulls out a chair for you, and you teasing grin at the polite gesture, “how romantic, Ninging~”

She rolls her eyes and giggles before settling down herself, instantaneously pouring you a cup of tea as she gestures at the baskets, “go on, dig in. I’ll be personally offended if you don’t.”

Chuckling, you open up the baskets, releasing clouds of steam before revealing multiple handmade dumplings with various fillings and differing folding styles. Your eyes widen, and you simply comment, “wow,” before taking the first bite of the food.

To say that it tasted amazing was an understatement– you practically felt like you were thrown back to the motherland with a single bite, and it wasn’t long before you were filling your plate with more.

The two of you had spent the rest of the evening getting to know one another more. You had learned she was a computer science major and going onto her third year of uni, as well as the fact she was from Harbing whilst you shared that you were from Shanghai. 

“Big city girl, huh?” Ningning amusedly comments, sipping on her tea as you roll your eyes, “yeah… But I'm not rich or anything before you ask.”

The blonde feigns rejection as she snaps her fingers, “damn. I was gonna ask you to buy drinks next time we head to the bars, I think you owe me. ” She smiles at you, and it's warm.

You liked this. You liked how easy it was to talk to her. It was never this easy before.

Soon enough you had ended up on Ningning’s couch, browsing through movies aimlessly as the hefty meal threatened to send you into a food coma. The blonde lay comfortably in your arms underneath a blanket, her eyes occasionally fluttering shut as you continued to search for something to watch.

“Hmm, what about… Velocipastor?” The name completely throws you off guard, prompting you to click on it, skimming over the description as you feel the vibration of Ninging lazily humming beneath you. 

“Oh that movie is really good, trust me.”

“... Really? Are you sure, Ning?”

“Yeah yeah…” Her eyes were already shut as she spoke, nuzzling in closer to you as you chuckle, putting on the movie as you wrap your arms around her, pulling her in closer. 

Honestly, the movie seemed to be an excuse for the girl to be physically close to you– maybe get a nap in? You weren’t even sure if she was watching the movie at this point. Still, maybe it was for the best. Velocipastor was definitely not well funded within its production, that much could be seen. Plus, you couldn't complain about having a cute girl in your arms.

“Does your head still hurt?”

Ningning’s soft voice rings out, startling you. Honestly, you were getting pretty invested in the film, you had thought she already fell asleep.

“Mmm, a little. I don’t think your hangover cure worked.”

“Oh, the dumplings weren’t the cure.”

Your head cocks to the side as you tear your gaze away from the tv screen, looking down at the girl nestled on your chest as she looks back up at you. There was that all too familiar glint in her eyes again.

“Then what is?”

A mischievous grin curls on her lips before she leans in, connecting her lips with yours. Still a bit sluggish from the night before alongside a hefty meal, her kissing was a bit sloppy, but it was soft. Much softer than before.

You feel yourself almost immediately sigh into the kiss, and you would have found it embarrassing if she didnt guide her hand up your chest, to your neck, and into your hair, soon deepening the kiss. 

Not expecting things to escalate so soon, you couldn’t help but let out a soft whimper as your hands landed on her hips, nails digging into her sides desperately as she laughs against your lips, pulling back. 

“You’re really cute, y’know?” She purrs, using her hand to brush a strand of hair out of your face, and you can see the hint of pink spread across her lips as she smiles, drinking in the sight of you.

Before you even have a chance to respond, Ningning tackles your jawline, trailing kisses down your face and onto your neck. You try to respond, but when she starts to nip the side of your neck, the words you wanted to say somehow managed to melt into complete mush.

“Mmhmmhgh…” 

The sound that escapes your lips allows you the chance to actually feel embarrassed, and you slam a hand over your lips, looking away from Ninging. Your response elicits another laugh from the blonde, and you swear you could listen to the sound forever. 

Her symphony soon quiets though, and Ningning looks you straight in the eye, her gaze softening as she opens her mouth, struggling to find the right words to say.

“Look, I know we just met…” she trails off for a moment, almost a bit shy to continue, “but if you want to give me a chance and see where this goes, I promise I’ll treat you so well.” 

Her eyes are filled with genuine desire for you, and you couldn’t help but feel… Isolated? Targetted? For the first time you feel like you’re seen, and you don’t know what to do about it.

She presses on, “I’d really like to see you again, and I know you’re going through a lot right now but I want to be there with you every step of the way. I want to see where this takes us.”

“I want you, y/n.”

Your face heats up instantaneously, and you swear your eyes were threatening to bulge out of your skull right then and there. You look at her in silence as you struggle to find your words, and after a few seconds you finally croak out,

“I… I want to see where this takes us too, Ningning.”

Her eyes brighten at your response, and she beams, pulling you into a tight hug on the couch before interlocking her lips with yours once again. You giggle into the kiss, and throw the blanket over the two of you as the movie on the tv buzzed on. For the first time, you found someone warm enough for you.

[fraugwinska]

Week 2 everyone! Following Hazel's amazing Body Worship featuring our beloved king of hell, we'll continue this week in the same sentiment - Can there be really enough Lucifer x Reader stories?

Dont miss out on the wonderful works of our kinky coven: @hazelfoureyes @minkdelovely @sugoi-writes @macabr3-barbi3 @synamartia

Check out our Masterlist for Kinktober (A big thank you to the marvellous Syn - who also made out Banners!)

Warnings: Summoning Ritual, Manipulation and emotional Blackmail, Blood, Implied pressure for sexual acts. But with a happy end! And as usual: Minors Stay away - 🔞

"Fuck - It worked... It actually worked!"

You heard your boyfriend's voice, filled with heated excitement, but your eyes were glued to the glowing pentagram before you. That shouldn't be happening - this was supposed to be a silly game, a little make-pretend. You had felt bad, after denying him, again, what he had asked you so many times before. "Come on baby," he had begged, and while you liked him well enough, you hadn't been together for long and something in you told you to wait for you two to cross the border of having sex - It would be your first time, and fuck if people would call you prude, but giving it away meant something to you. It had to feel right. Be with the right person. And you and him weren’t there yet. So you had, hesitantly, agreed to his roleplay idea. You thought it was a bit excessive - the props he gathered, the seriousness in which he had chanted some silly things in latin - all while tying your hands and feet together in what you had thought would be just a dumb game of Fake summoning a demon to spice things up.

But this glowing portal was real, as was the euphoria so tangible in his voice. This hadn't been a game - he had planned this.

Through the bright, golden glow stepped a man - at least you thought it was a man. Lean and regal, dressed in a white, luxurious coat that strangely resembeled a circus director he shifted out of the light into your boyfriend's living room. His blonde hair shimmered in the fading glow and for once, you could see his face in full - And it was terrifyingly beautiful. Golden locks framed his burning red irises, two blush circles sat on the edges of his mouth that was pulled into a face of disdain.

Your boyfriend didn't even acknowledge your trembling whimpers, he just stepped forward, dropping the dagger he had used to prick your finger and let your blood drip on a strange book. "Lord Lucifer... It's an honor to..."

"Cut the Lord-crap, mortal. What the hell is this?" the blonde interrupted him, eyes widening at the sight of your bound and shivering body. He glanced from the dagger to the book to the young man before him and folded his arms. Your heart almost jumped out of your chest. That idiot actually summoned the literal devil? The fallen angel, the king of hell? What was he thinking?

"I've summoned you, Lor... Lucifer, to offer you a virgin in exchange for my own immortality!" His words made you whip your head around. Surely, you must've heard wrong. "Wh-what are you doing?" you asked in a rush of bubbling panic, fighting against the rope that held your arms together. Cold eyes met your pleading ones, and the hope that this would all turn out to be a joke faded completely.

"Sorry, Babe, but this is an opportunity I won't miss out on. You wanted to stay a virgin - and this way, I get something out of it."

"Okay, wait - just so that I get this correctly..." Lucifer stepped in, his eyes darting in disbelief between you and the caster of this wretched summoning ritual, his brows deeply furrowed. "You're offering your girlfriend to me? Are you serious?" His question was met with a hesitant nod, the sight making your stomach drop. The way he tricked you, the way he talked about you, the way he was casually offering you to a literal demon, as if he were selling some worthless thing when he was supposed to love and respect you - Everything inside you felt heavy with hurt and regret. Sure, you couldn't have said it was love you had felt for him - but you thought he'd at least care about you the way you had cared about him. Apparently, you were horribly wrong. Tears dripped silently down your cheeks and you wished for someone, anyone to help.

"I swear she is untouched, my lord, and even if she is plain and not quite the looker, she.."

"You humans are..." Lucifer's voice was filled with cold disgust as he searched for words. Finding none that would suffice, he just snapped his fingers, and you felt as if the air was sucked out of the room. Everything stood still, the fire of the candles in the room didn't move, the hands of the clock, even your boyfriend was frozen in place mid-gesture. Only his pupils shifted to the blonde in a panic, meeting the devil's angry stare. Lucifer shook his head, then he tore his eyes away from him and looked at you, instantly softening and with a pinch of pity as he slowly walked over to you. You flinched when he stretched out his hand, but he stopped and gave you a gentle smile.

"It's okay, doll, I'm not gonna do anything. Just getting rid of those ropes, okay?"

You nod, the wet streaks on your face cold and itchy. Small, delicate hands reach around your wrists, and within a blink the ties disappear. You quickly wipe your face and touch the bruised skin, cautiously rubbing the scratches as Lucifer unties your feet. "There, that's better, right?"

"What... what is happening?" you stutter, not daring to look directly at him, still overcome with the bizarreness of the situation. "Why has everything stopped.. moving?"

Lucifer huffs, offering you his hand and, after you hesitantly took it, pulled you up to stand. "I froze time. That asshole who dares to call himself your boyfriend pissed me off and that's one sure way to keep his rotten mouth shut." He cups your cheek, his hand is warm and soft and so gentle you almost lean in, and lets his thumb wipe away the remaining wet trails of salt, but a fresh flow of tears blur your vision. You struggle for words, but nothing but weak sobbing makes it out of your constricted throat. "I... I can't believe he..."

"I know, angel. I wish I could say he's an exception... but as you might suspect, I've known humanity and the endless depth of their deprivation for a while..." He sighs, stepping away from you. "What I can promise you is that I'm not going to hurt you. That dumb motherfucker might've summoned me correctly - but he sure as hell didn't read the fine print too closely." Lucifer grinned, for the first time this night he actually looked like the devil he was - and you were enraptured at the sight. "The one who offers the blood is the one who bargains a deal with me. And since he was too chicken to spill his own, that means it's you, doll." He laughs, crossing his arms, tilting his head to watch your boyfriend's eyes dart frantically through the room.

"So, it's up to you. Is there anything you want?"

You swallow, the heat of Lucifer's palm still lingering on your cheek and the betrayal burning deep in your guts.

"I..." you say, as if in trance, guided by the hurt and anger and that strange pull towards the demon, "I want to humiliate him. I want to make him regret what he wanted to do..." Lucifers gaze turned into something sinister and dangerous, and you quickly added "Without killing him. I don't want to... be like him."

The devil looks surprised, almost impressed, before he steps towards you once more, taking your hand and kissing it, an impish smile on his divine lips that made his features even more beautiful. "Mh, I do have an idea how we can arrange that. Just remember: You hold the reins to stop whenever you want to stop."

Before you could ask what he means, his mouth travels up your arm and to the crook of your neck, leaving kisses along its trail. Your whole skin breaks out in shivers, a gasp escapes you as you feel your cheeks flush and a heat pool in between your legs. His hands find their way onto your hips, resting instead of pulling, a gesture of such thoughtfulness and respect you could’ve wept and you feel yourself lean into him as he licks along your jawline. It feels daring, it feels strange and yet so alluring you can't help but sink deeper into that warm embrace. Whatever had held you back to give yourself to your now ex-boyfriend - it was nonexistent in the arms of this demon, and wasn't that a travesty? But then again... Lucifer was the personification of temptation afterall.

When he finally kisses you, it's like fireworks exploding in your head. The way his lips gently close around yours, the warmth and sweetness of his mouth, his skillful tongue parting them so effortlessly to slither around your own in playful circles, letting you taste him as he tasted you - there was nothing you could have imagined that would've compared to the intensity that a simple kiss from him conveyed. It wasn’t forced, like it always felt with your boyfriend, but an invitation, with no reproach if you’d decline it. 

"Lucifer.. please..." you breathe as you reluctantly break the kiss, overheated and desperate for air. Your hands act on their own, with a feverish urgency, down to the buckle of his pants. But Lucifer, his smile wide and sultry, caught them, pulling them up and around his shoulders with an almost scolding shake of his head.

"Oh no, angel, the only one that's gonna be worshiped tonight is you." He lifts you up with ease, drawing a little yelp out of you, and moves swiftly as he clears the living room table to spread you out on it, kneeling in between your legs. You're quivering with a hot, bubbling anticipation and even through your lust-dazed mind you still catch Lucifer's wicked glance and the mocking smirk in the direction of your ex-boyfriend.

Slowly, he pushed your white dress up exposing pale, supple skin. The devil's hands explored your thighs, every brush and caress making you writhe as the ache to be touched becomes stronger with every uncovered inch of flesh, and by the time he starts to slowly, achingly work his fingers around your hips, you're already squirming for him, begging him for any kind of friction.

"I'm gonna carve prayers onto your body, my angel," he breathes against the sensitive inside of your thigh, littering it with tiny pecks before he bites down, sharply enough to leave a red mark - it pulls a moan out of you, then an aroused sigh as Lucifer soothingly licks over the reddened skin and slowly kisses his way towards your center. The devil delights at your little noises of want, how you whimper as he pushes your underwear aside instead of tearing it off to the side - though it wouldn't hold for long anyway. "Your body is my temple and your moans the hymns I sing to."

His words send a new kind of electric buzz straight to your cunt, you wanted to say something in return - heaven or hell knows what - but it was a useless endeavor anyway. The words were already forgotten when his tongue dipped into your waiting heat - you buck into him and it earns you a muffled hum of appreciation. Lucifer's movements were slow, languid and at the same time utterly determined. A steady rhythm as his hands found their way back to your hips, pinning you down so that all you could do was take the sweet torture and drown in the pleasure he delivered to you on a golden plate. And so you did. Every swirl of that wicked, sinful tongue drew louder noises from you, every press of his lips to your soaked pussy had your head spinning into overwhelmed euphoria.

Through the haze of your foggy eyes you catch a glimpse of the frozen man you had called 'baby' once. Shocked, unbelieving eyes fixated on you writhing under Lucifer's incomparable ministrations, being expertly eaten out by temptation itself in the form of the most beautiful being imaginable - and a moan that almost sounded like a laugh tore itself from your throat. The sudden wave of pride and morbid joy, combined with a flick of the damned forked tongue over your clit and his name spilling from your lips along with your drool has you cumming in what you could only describe as ethereal bliss - your hand finds Lucifer's hair, digging your fingers into the golden locks and holding him tightly pressed to your seeping core as the waves of your orgasm rock your hips like a boat lost on the ocean - and Lucifer, your lighthouse illuminating your way home, laps up every drop of your essence your body offers him.

By the time you were done riding out your orgasm, Lucifer's skilled tongue had cleaned every bit of the mess you had made. He pressed a soft kiss on your puffed lips, before slowly pulling away onto his knees to look at you, wiping his mouth and watching you with hooded, smoldering eyes.

"Look at you, angel. Only a mortal fool would call something so ethereal as you 'plain'."

Lucifer stands up and leans over to brush the back of his hand softly over your cheek until his fingers rest under your chin, lifting your head ever so slightly to kiss you once more before he turns to your ex. His posture changes, his shoulders straighten and his features become sharp and almost threatening. You try to sit up, body still weak post-orgasm, as you watch him sprout two twisted, fiery horns from his head and three sets of blinding white and red wings from his back. The room is slowly filled with a light like the inside of a fire - you faintly hear a muffled, horrified scream from the immobilized figure behind you, but you couldn't care less. Your sole focus is him - the fallen angel and ruler of hell.

"Remember that you deserve nothing less than what you received tonight, doll."

"Lucifer..." is all you get to say before he spreads his wings and the world turns white.

You shot up, the blanket over your legs falling from the sofa you push yourself up on. The room was quiet and dim, only the light from a few candles making rough shadows dance on the walls. You panted, as if waking up from an intense dream, strands of your hair glued to your neck and cheeks from the sweat. Your head whipped around calling his name, but your boyfriend is nowhere to be found. For a moment, you questioned your sanity when you felt something tickling your thigh. You shifted and reached under you, and your mouth pulled into a wistful smile as you brought the soft, white feather you found to your lips for a longing, bittersweet kiss.

[ohdeerfully]

Hello

I live

Well, barely

OMG ISTG I JUST REREAD LIKE ALL OF YOUR FICS I'M GOING SGSJDGDJHFJDY

Your writing. I swear. It's so good. Like when I read any other alastor x reader fic I have this nasty voice in the back of my head going 'He wouldn't do this'. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN HERE

You are a genius. (Thabk you for speepy Alastor coming from an insomniac is good praise, no?)

My personal favourites are

a. Either of the sleepy Alastoe fics (obviously)

b. Dry bed. Istg the writing in that.. Augh

Could you do a part two to Dry bed? Maybe they just wake up (Together!!!) and awkwardly get their way down to breakfast. Then they simply avoid each other all day, not talking, but still stealing glances at each other when the other isn't looking. Then reader finds Alastor chilling on the hotel roof the following night and they TALK about it. And figure things out.

Omg thabk you for listening to my rant I hope you are doing well byeeee

~❤✨

P. S. You and your fics are my new hyperfixation

hello!!!!! in general sorry yall for my absence, finals are literally next week so it Will happen again

im so glad u like my depiction of alastor hes literally so annoying to write... a dry bed is honestly probably one of if not THE fave fic ive written (though might be a tie with mourning dove) so i hope part ii does it a bit of justice (,: i kind of deviated from ur request at the beginning (they dont wake up together >_<) but otherwise i hope u enjoy! hopefully its not too obvious i kind of rushed it

mwah! <3

A Warm Bed

(sequel to A Dry Bed)

Alastor x Reader (hurt/comfort, fluff) TW: none really, alastor is probs ooc but who cares

join my discord!

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It felt a little bit too cold when you woke up, but you couldn’t immediately find a reason why. Your eyes squinted open, facing the curtains that were drawn just enough to where a peek of the morning light rudely shone against your face. You turned over with a dissatisfied groan.

Peering at the empty bed beside you, you stared blankly as wheels began to turn in your mind. It only took a few seconds to remember the previous night, and your face quickly warned as you hissed in a breath through clenched teeth, wrists coming up and rubbing your eyes with a sense of dismay.

Man, what were you thinking. You felt a strong mixture of regret and embarrassment but also… you felt lonely. The strong, strange affection from Alastor the previous night directly compared to him disappearing and leaving you alone in the morning made you feel all the more cold. The room also had an uncomfortable silence to it, but at the same time too loud with the hum of your ceiling fan.

Whatever, you feigned indifference to yourself and lifted yourself from your mattress, legs dangling over the side of your bed for a few moments, allowing yourself to get a quick stretch in before sliding on some comfortable slippers while you went to your restroom, protecting your feet against the cold tile.

You quickly freshened up, pulling on some comfortable loungewear before leaving your hotel room and walking down the long corridor that led to the steps. Maybe it was just your current mood, but the ambience was too quiet and uncomfortable.

Your spirits slowly lifted as you made your way down the steps, and you could hear the faint clashing of kitchen tools being dropped and thrown, alongside unintelligible and arguing voices, one doubtlessly being Vaggie trying to tame—or, no, threaten—the chaos.

The air, at the very least, smelled good despite the racquet. Though you were in Hell, the food was still appetizing—even if you weren’t exactly sure what it was half the time.

You must’ve made it just in time, as right when you turned the corner you nearly hit your head against Charlie’s shoulder as she rounded the same corner. You tripped over each other for a moment before she ultimately steadied you with a hand and a breezy laugh.

"Good morning! I was just about to tell everyone breakfast was ready…” You smiled at her gesture. Every morning she tried to host some sort of typical continental style breakfast that was standard for most hotels—that is if Niffty’s behavior permitted a successful morning—and the quality was usually higher than what you remembered in your time alive. Of course, you were dealing with the Princess of Hell, who obviously wouldn’t want anything mediocre for her treasured guests.

“Thank you,” was all you could offer in return before she passed you, doubtlessly to gently announce the food to the other guests. There had been an increase in residents lately, so you weren’t shocked at the piles of delicious looking food that met your eyes when you stepped into the kitchen. You could practically imagine sparkles dancing around the fluffy pancakes and still sizzling pans of various breakfast meats.

You helped yourself to a meal, carefully stepping around the growing crowd of other guests, who all, for the most part, seemed a little aggravated at being woken up but nonetheless pleased at the free meal.

A brief hush filled the room as the air seemed to get just a bit heavier, more ominous, alongside the new presence of a prickling against your skin. You didn’t have to look up, nor did you even want to look up, to know who the culprit of such a suffocated atmosphere was; you knew him well enough.

The kitchen slowly came back to life, albeit a bit stiffer and with quieter conversation. You kept your eyes glued to your plate of food as you made your way towards the dining area. As you passed through the entrance, out of your peripheral you saw the large, looming figure of the demon you had become unnaturally attached to. You didn’t look up or even acknowledge him, pretending to just not notice, but you could swear you felt his red gaze burning a hole in your skin.

A few minutes passed after you sat down before Alastor joined you, sitting in his unofficial assigned seat. The only difference was he didn’t scoot his chair nearly as close as usual, as well as the way his body was turned just slightly so that his back was facing you. Not enough to be noticed by other people, but just enough for you—though, maybe you were just overanalyzing things?—to notice how he was pointedly uninviting you from any interactions with him.

Why even bother coming to breakfast, you thought coldly to yourself, deciding to just feel mad about it instead of stewing in your own self-hate and regret. You had already spent all morning feeling stupid for the night before. It’s not like you even eat this shit. Go eat a dead deer or something.

Your fork poked aggressively against the food on your plate, head propped up against a fist as you mindlessly scooted the food around in a pool of syrup. You hoped to convey some sense of hatred to the demon next to you as you jammed a fluffy bite of pancake into your mouth—oh, that’s so good, your spirits were lifted just a bit as the slightly sweet and buttery pancake touched your tongue.

A hand touched your back, and you jolted in surprise. Naturally your eyes first went to Alastor next to you, thinking maybe he was finally over himself, but he had his hands folded on the table in front of him as he watched another table argue over something probably meaningless. Maybe you’re crazy, but did you see his eyes flick to your just as you looked away? You shook off the idea.

Vaggie sat to your right, and was currently eyeing you with a hint of concern in her eye. You shrugged off her hand as politely as possible before smiling at her with a raised eyebrow, trying to play it off with an ‘I’m alright.’

“People that are ‘alright’ don’t usually have some personal vendetta against a plate of breakfast food,” She said in a low voice, trying to keep your conversation private, particularly from a certain set of prying, fluffy red ears. “You know you have friends here. Especially Charlie.”

“Really, I’m all good, just… long morning,” You did your best to wave away her worries again, suddenly feeling a little childish. From the way she spoke, you would think she was talking to someone going through something serious—you were just having some guy problems.

It seemed to work well enough, because after looking at you for a few more beats she raised her hand and turned away, picking up a conversation with her girlfriend. You sat in your spot for a few more minutes, but the growing anxiety from silently and awkwardly sitting next to Alastor, sifting through so many racing thoughts and doubts, gnawed at your stomach. You finally stood up and excused yourself with a thank you and left the room.

You had no specific place to be, so you just wandered into the lobby and slumped against a couch. You briefly wondered where Angel was; he was surprisingly good at listening to romantic troubles, though honestly you probably wouldn’t divulge your whole “thing” with Alastor. That would probably meet no welcomed response.

You must have dozed off, because the sudden sound of raised voices startled your eyes open. Arguments and general anger were commonplace here, so you weren’t particularly shocked to find Vaggie and Angel Dust going at it about something regarding his behavior and the Hotel—a recurring theme in their conversations. Vaggie’s words fell on deaf ears as Angel tutted at her words with a waving and dismissive hand.

“I’m sure ninety percent of these guests would love to have a piece’a me!” He said, taking long strides across the room as he fixed up his chest fluff with two hands. He leaned his hip against the large chair that, much to your dismay, sat Alastor, his grin tightening as Angel approached. His eyes narrowed suspiciously as the spider laid his torso across the head of the chair.

“Even this one…” Angel said with a pouty lilt in his voice, finger dragging up the embellishments as he tried to play flirty. Alastor clicked his tongue distastefully in response before he stood up, hands folding neatly across the top of his cane.

“Not quite to my taste, thank you!” He said, looking down at Angel with an ugly curl in his lip. Angel only huffed in response before slinking down the back of the chair and taking up the space where Alastor previously sat, leaving said demon just standing there.

Alastor’s eyes glanced at you, so brief that you honestly may have imagined it, before he simply hummed with closed eyes and melted into the ground, the shadow where he once stood inking across the carpet before finally coming to a rest… behind the couch where you were laying. You grimaced as you felt his presence manifest again, sending a ripple of that familiar prickle down your bare arms.

Was this going to be your eternity now? Playing some game of cat and mouse where you have to leave every room you’re in just because Alastor gets too close for comfort? You turned your head to try to get a look at him from the corner of your eye, but immediately looked away again when you saw he was already looking at you. You couldn’t read his expression.

You sat up and thought for a few moments. Honestly, it was probably best to just go spend a depression day alone in your room. As pushy as Alastor could be, he wasn’t typically the type to barge into rooms without invitation.

Slowly standing, you managed to avoid the attention of the couple of others in the room—though, realistically, none would care if they happened to see you leave; you were just on edge to everyone and everything. You quickly made your way up the stairs, frowning down at your feet as you walked. You shot a sideways glance at Alastor as you rounded a turn in the steps, finally meeting his gaze for a few seconds before your view was blocked by the wall.

You sighed as you found yourself in front of your hotel room, a heavy feeling making you suddenly choke up. You ushered yourself into the room before you embarrassed yourself by crying openly in the hallway, but the comforting solitude of your room as you leaned your back against the door to close it made it a bit easier to breathe.

After ensuring the door was locked, you went to stand at the edge of the bed, frowning down at the still unmade sheets. Thoughts of that tender night came to the front of your mind at full force, and you bit your lip anxiously. The warmth of his body against yours, the tangle of legs and soft touches of lips… was it all actually, in a cruel turn of reality, a fake expression of care from him? When you had finally begun to think you could read the affection on his face…

You settled into the soft mattress, uncomfortably aware of how big and cold it was. You were no stranger to sleeping alone by any means, but after finally experiencing the shared space with someone you loved, the contrast was stark and unwelcomed. You did your best to ignore it as you tucked yourself in, letting your eyes fall shut in a poor attempt to sleep away your worries.

Your attempts were unsuccessful, and an empty feeling of longing and despair in your stomach grew stronger with each hour that passed as you watched the red hue of the daylight sky turn darker. You felt both restless and tired at the same time, lacking any energy to actually do anything to pass the time. 

It all proved to be counterintuitive to the whole “sleep your worries away” as the hours you spent just lying down only gave you ample opportunity to melt in your own thoughts as the memories of last night kept returning. Man, why did you have to kiss him? You unwittingly ignored the fact that he had also played a part in closing that gap between you; you were honestly just pinning the blame fully on yourself.

Finally sick of stewing in misery, you kicked off the heavy blanket and stood up. You needed some fresh air. 

You tried to walk quickly with a fake sense of purpose so, in the odd chance you passed someone, they hopefully wouldn’t ask about your absence all day—you were typically more present and friendly with everybody as you would often help Charlie with event organization. Lucky enough for you, you passed nobody on your way to the door that opened to some stairs up to the roof of the Hotel.

After a quick pace up the echoey, metal steps, you pushed open the large doors and greeted with a pleasantly cool rush of wind. It was still warm, of course, being Hell and all, but cooler than usual. You quietly closed the heavy doors behind you.

There was a spot on the roof you typically sat at during long, restless nights, and you turned the corner of the door before promptly backtracking and pressing yourself up against the metal door once again, jaw clenched in a mix of shock and anger.

Why the Hell was Alastor on the roof at your spot with your blanket that you had left up here on some previous night? Was he doing all this on purpose? Constantly getting all too close to you while simultaneously acting cool and indifferent towards your existence? Was this all just some sick game to him? Well… it is Alastor.

You peeked over the edge from where you hid to get a better look at him. He sat serenely with his back towards you, legs hanging over the edge of the roof. You couldn’t see his expression, but his body waved just slightly, most likely to the tune of some song in his head. Despite all the frustration you felt in your soul towards him, looking at him under the blanket of a dark red sky with a sprinkling of stars… he still endeared you. Especially when he looked so harmless and relaxed.

Just as you were about to turn away again and find somewhere else to relax, he cleared his throat, stopping you before you could even move.

“It’s rude to stare,” He stated, projecting his voice just enough for you to hear the light humor in his voice. “You seem like a stalker, darling!”

You straightened your shoulders before walking out from behind the wall, a frown on your face. You didn’t walk any closer—God forbid you accidentally do anything to hurt your relationship anymore, if that was even possible.

“I didn’t mean to, I was just… surprised, that’s all,” You reasoned, tapping your foot impatiently. “You are kind of in my spot.”

He hummed, absently pointing at the surface around him. “I didn’t see your name on it.” 

You couldn’t really think of a response quickly, so you just stayed quiet, continuing to just stand in place a few meters away from Alastor.

He briefly put his hand down on the space next to him, patting twice in a vague invitation for you to join him. You thought for a brief moment before cautiously walking towards him, steps growing slower with each foot you got closer. He made no move to send you away—in fact, he even started moving the blanket in a way to make the concrete just a bit more comfortable to sit on. He still didn’t look at you.

Embarrassingly your hands had started to shake, which you realized when you reached your hand down to support your body as you lowered it to sit. You just hoped Alastor didn’t notice. You let your legs fall over the ledge, swinging slightly next to Alastor’s. You didn’t notice how he shifted his knee a bit closer to yours.

The two of you sat in silence under the still-darkening sky, and you couldn’t decide if it was a comfortable or awkward silence. Alastor didn’t seem to mind, so you tried to convince yourself it was comfortable despite the itching anxiety in your chest.

“I’m really sorry about last night,” You blurted out, unable to contain it anymore. Was it a bad idea to even bring it up? Maybe. But you felt that your relationship was already irreparably damaged so it couldn’t hurt to at least apologize. You saw his eyes turn towards you out of your peripheral, and you were too ashamed to meet his look, instead opting to fiddle with a fray of the blanket edge.

“Whatever for?” He responded after an uncomfortably long pause—this stunned you. Fuck you mean ‘whatever for?’ Your head whipped up to look at him, brows furrowed.

You had spent all die scared that you ruined everything between you and Alastor, regretting everything that led up to last night’s events—it didn’t help that Alastor himself was also blatantly avoiding you. What the fuck is he acting so confused for?

Apparently you said that all out loud, as Alastor’s smile was growing more and more strained with each loud word that tumbled from your lips. You didn’t even realize until you were done and catching your breath, but at this point you couldn’t care less to apologize or feel bad about it. You folded your arms and fixated your eyes on some random pedestrian below as another long stretch of silence filled the air.

“You confuse me,” He finally said, with a voice that lacked its usual radio tone. You didn’t respond, so he continued. “I feel these alien emotions when I’m near you—you bewitch me. And I don’t like it. I hate you for it.”

You couldn’t control the slight slump in your shoulders and the sharp pang in your stomach that his words brought you. Hate. 

“But… I kill the demons I hate,” He said, looking away from you and up at the sky. “And I can’t find myself wanting to kill you. That has to mean something, though I’m really no man to figure it out myself.”

You cautiously returned your eyes back to him, shoulders curled forward as if to protect yourself against the blow of any harsh words. But, as he spoke, you felt that anxiety slowly lighten as you pieced together what he was trying to convey in his own strange way. Although, you weren’t really sure what to say in response, filled with too many swarming emotions—both new and old. 

Suddenly you looked at the space between the two of you—was Alastor’s hand there just a minute ago? You looked up to try to get any hint of his goals; but, unsurprisingly, he remained unreadable. It was definitely safer to just ignore it.

Well, that got a lot harder when his pinkie finger stretched towards you just a bit, practically inviting you. You looked at his face one more time, swallowed your fear, and tenderly laid your hand down next to his. You moved it cautiously closer, just enough so that your pinkie touched his own. His lifted up and curled over yours, tightening in a way to bring the rest of your hand closer and enveloping it with his own. Your gaze was fixated on this exchange and you felt heat warm your cheeks and ears.

You both said nothing, but you thought the pounding in your ears would drown out any attempt.

Your attention finally broke from the hands that now clasped together between the two of you, turning up towards Alastor. You found that he had been looking at you with such an intensity it made you feel like an open book before him. His eyes had a slight glow to them now that the sky had fully darkened—eyes that were usually so malicious and secretive seemed to now burn with what you could only assume was affection.

“I can’t promise I’ll be a good man,” He finally broke the silence. His smile was small but strained, and his voice uncharacteristically quiet. 

In response you shook your head with a breathless laugh, tightening your hand just slightly around his as you focused on the street below, watching the scattered presence of night owl demons.

“I probably couldn’t promise the same, either,” You admitted, leaning back and stretching out your legs in the open air over the ledge of the roof. You froze momentarily when Alastor shifted a bit closer, his knee now barely knocking against yours.

He reached his hand out, fingers curling gingerly but firm over your chin and pulling your face closer to his. He examined your face for a moment, red eyes trailing over every curve of your features before settling back to look into your eyes.

“But I can promise, cher,” The new name he referred to you as made the already present flush in your cheeks only intensify. “That as long as you own what’s left of my heart, no demon in Hell can keep you away from me. Not even you.”

His words were spoken almost like a threat in an ominously low tone, that heavy radio affliction dripping from his words. In his eyes was a sudden look of sinister intensity and devotion, something you had never even dreamed of seeing, especially from him and especially towards you. As menacing as the words seemed, you couldn’t stop the wry smirk that inched up your lips, slightly smushed between his fingers that still firmly held your head in place.

“I’d like to see anyone try,” You responded in an attempt to match his energy. This seemed good enough for him, as his smile lifted for a moment as he released you from his grasp and faced forward again.

You yawned and stretched out your arms above your head, popping a few bones in your back before you stood. He followed suit, deftly touching his clothes with one hand to smooth any wrinkles or crooked buttons—his other was still holding your own.

He stepped closer, nearly pressed against you, when suddenly the atmosphere around you seemed to melt in a swirl of black before being replaced with the familiar decor of your hotel room. He gave you a light nudge and you fell back onto the bed.

After recuperating and settling, you watched him from your spot on the bed as he draped off his coat and slacks before joining you in the sheets. His body language was tense and unsure, but to your own pleasure the stiffness in his shoulders lightened just a bit when your hands tenderly rubbed against his skin.

The bed that was only hours before too big and too cold was now inviting with the warmth of Alastor’s body against your own, his scent filling your nose with every inhale as his hair brushed against your cheek. Every movement was a shaky blur as you were still filled with a sense of disbelief and maybe a little bit of adrenaline from the unexpected switch-up from him. The mattress dipped and creaked as he tried to make himself comfortable, which took an awkward few seconds, but after finally settling in you found yourself laid against his chest, fingers trailing down his skin.

Alastor’s own clawed fingers trailed through your hair and he hummed the quietest tune, lulling you further into an exhaustion that you didn’t realize had been creeping up on you. You fell asleep to a comfort that you hoped you wouldn’t have to spend another day in eternity without.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Consider me one of your younger followers who's still trying to figure out their aroace-ness.

How do i really know im aroace when i dont even know how love is supposed to feel like? Sometimes, i think i like a few ppl just a little bit. I have seen myself turn a little gay for some women. (Idk if there's a better way to say it) and feel jealous of other women having partners(mostly male partners)

I do relate to being aroace. But sometimes these doubts come up.

Am i really aroace? Or it it just a phase of mine?

P.S I love your comics🤍

Sorry for the late reply! TwT

I'll be honest, from personal experience... I don't know how love is supposed to feel like either. I thought maybe I felt it in the past but it never got remotely close to things that are described ad nauseam to us in media and popular culture. I never got it. The biggest emotional high I ever got was making sincere friends or feeling connected to my family or accomplished with art. So I came to the conclusion that I'm aro. I don't think a gay person ever understood what it feels like to be attracted to someone of the opposite gender either, so... That's my reasoning for it I guess. I'm aro SO I can't be expected to understand romance. That's kind of the point in my head. And even then, aromanticism is a broad spectrum, so it's very possible it's full of people whose understanding and feeling of romance varies or may even fluctuate.

So to be honest, if you feel that "aroace" defines you properly, and because it's a pretty wide spectrum, I'd say that yes, you really are, and no, it's not a phase, and heck, even if that understanding of yourself came to change for a different orientation in the future, that's OK too. What matters is that you feel happy with yourself.

...I'll also add tbh that being aro and ace is kind of a losing deal cus even within LGBTQ+ spaces you're gonna be invisibilised and othered, so... I doubt you'd be calling yourself "aroace" just to be temporarily cool or whatever. It was never perceived as cool or a good thing by society at large. It's a battle one doesn't pick. If throughout all of that invisibilization, allosexual and alloromantic-spamming and looking-down-upon you still managed to come to the conclusion that it's a good definition for you, I'd say that's pretty telling. I dunno.

On one last note, I'm not sure if the jealousy you feel of other women having partners is directed towards the women because they have partners, or towards the partners because they're with these specific women, but if it's the former at the very very least, I don't think it's incompatible with being aro. Again, society spams us so much with the idea that having a steady romantic partner is the only way you won't end up alone in the world, that it's hard not to be scared of being lonely when we have that identity sometimes. And the alternative sounds so much easier, even if we couldn't get it the exact same way most people do unless we forced ourselves to act in a way that's not "us" deep inside.

...Welp, that's my feelings on it at least, but yeah, the asexual and aromantic spectrums are so wide in the experiences they cover that I couldn't hope to cover everyone's experience within them. I just hope that this helped you feel a little more confident about it. With the way society is, it's made very hard for us not to doubt ourselves sometimes, but I don't feel we deserve to doubt ourselves that much.

I dunno. That's how I feel about it at least. I hope that helps TwT

(Also thank you so much for the kind words!!)

[iamnotyourgodsherald]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard Fanfic: A Great Night.

Chapter 2

Contains: Heavy Flirting, Protectiveness, Fluff, Danger Kink Implied, and Talking Out Confusing Feelings, Coffee Date.

Warning: Mention of Slavery, Abduction, and Unwanted Sexual Advances. 18+ NO MINORS

We climbed down from the roof we escaped to into a little hidden garden that was tucked away from the sight of the market down the street.

The Andraste’s Grace that was surrounding us in this garden was now blooming under the moonlit sky along with lots of Blood Lotus and Lilies. A large fountain bubbled water in the middle of the garden. Music floating along in the wind from the market's minstrels.

“Oh Andrastes Grace! What a beautiful flower.” I dotted, touching the soft petals. “I didn't think I’d find them here, they’re naturally a wildflower.”

“You like that flower?” Lucanis asked curiously.

“It’s not my favorite but I do like it. It has a very clean smell...”

“I see.” Lucanis cleared his throat, making his way out towards a nearby gate. “What is your favorite flower then?”

I followed after him but didn't answer. I was always nervous sharing THAT kind of personal information with others. Sharing ANY kind of personal information. It could lead to a messy road and could lead me into a trap later. Survival was always a must for me.

Still. His eyes looked at me so genuinely, and I felt my resolve weaken. Like any safeguards that I put up are starting to crumble to anything this man wants.

Especially now, after we shared that deep kiss in the library.

Lucanis however looked slightly put off when I didn’t answer, turning his head away as we walked into the market together.

I sighed, my heart beating quicker.

“Felicidus Aria.”

“Bless you.” He smirked.

“Ass.” I laughed, punching his arm. “That's my favorite flower. Why you want to know that is beyond me but… It's a rare flower. Got that way from over foraging for the root. People use it to make Ambrosia, but I love it for its…symbol.”

“Its symbol?” Lucanis tilted his head.

“It’s also called the Silent Plains Rose. My clan used to move through the Silent Plains as we traveled back and forth in between Tevinter and Nevarra, hoping to spot one as we traveled through. We considered it lucky. That our journey was blessed somehow.”

“You said you are from Antiva. That Antiva is your home. You never mentioned you were part of a clan.” Lucanis noted.

“Two things can be true at the same time, Lucanis.”

“Is your clan-“

“No. I dont think they’re gone. I hope so, at least. It’s been twelve years since I saw them.”

My mind wandered a bit to that little Dalish boy fighting his fellow friends with wooden swords and listening to his Hahren tell stories around the campfire. How innocent and happy he was. How unaware. I wondered. Who would he be if he didn’t stray…?

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” Lucanis gently prodded.

“Does it matter?”

Lucanis took a minute, pausing to look around us. He then pulled me over to a spot by a wall not occupied by people or a vendor and leaned against the wall with me.

“I just wish to know more about you. You know much about me, but…” Lucanis trailed off, trying to find the words again. “You yourself are mysterious. I also figured you didn’t want to talk with people moving around you.”

“Mystery is hot~”

“So I’ve been told.” He said slyly, the corner of his lip curling into a smile. “You’re also avoiding the question. If you don’t wish to talk about it-“

“Fine! Fine. You might as well know a little bit. I better hear about your tragic backstory as well, Lucanis. I’ll make sure to interrogate you as well for your favorite things.” I chuckled.

He only chuckled back, now watching me with soft but focused eyes.

I adjusted, letting the memory of the events come back to me. “I… I was abducted. When I was 14, I strayed too far from camp. I was training with my bow and got lost. I wandered until evening, finding a group of humans. I went to them for help, going against the teachings of my Hahren. I just wanted to go back home and thought maybe… They could help me find a clue of where they were. They took me instead. Tevinter slavers. They traveled with me and a few other prisoners until they needed to make a supply run in Antiva. It was there where I finally got loose and ran for it through the streets of Antiva City. I ran into a passing Antivan Crow with the slaver hot on my trail. In a last moment of desperation, I pulled the knife from the Crows belt before he could stop me and when the slaver grabbed me, I plunged the knife into his throat. I was told that I kept stabbing until the Antivan Crow stopped me.”

“That's how you became an Antivan Crow.” Lucanis said slowly.

“Yeah. Twelve years later, here we are.” I said as I took a bow. “Now you know my story.”

Lucanis frowned, his eyes towards the crowd for a minute, deep in thought. He then turned to me.

“Thank you for telling me. It probably wasn’t easy.”

“No, but you asked.”

He smiled at me, his hair flowing down his shoulder.

I blushed as he smiled and stammered as I quickly walked into the crowd.

“C-Come, let’s have some fun! You still craving that coffee?” I asked hurriedly.

Lucanis seemed to perk up a bit, his eyes softening. Almost looked desperate.

“Badly.”

“Let’s go find some. It’s still early in the night.”

————————————————

We took off, walking around the busy streets to find a small late night coffee bar.

People inside were drinking, loudly singing and dancing, and even some sex workers were sitting on some people's laps, trying to seduce their way to coin.

Ah, home. I love it.

However, Lucanis looked extremely uncomfortable. He sat down at the bar and looked around, closing his eyes for a second. He took a deep breath and seemed like he was… listening? After a minute of him doing that, he seemed to calm a bit, and then looked at me.

“What?”

“You okay?” I chuckled.

“Yes, just… getting my bearings.” He said, yawning.

“If this is too much-“

“No. I WANT to be here. I need coffee or I am not going to be a very pleasant person to be around.”

I laughed and walked over to the bar, sitting on a stool.

“Let’s get you your fix.”

The barista looked back at us, a pretty Antivan girl with warm earthy skin and long, wavy dark brown hair. Her eyes, deep pools of amber. Her smile appeared and she walked over to us.

“How can I help, gentlemen?”

“Hello gorgeous-“

“Two caffe, please. Two for him as well.” Lucanis interrupted.

I stared at him as the girl chuckled and walked away.

“Right away.”

He looked at me with a confused face, his eyebrow going up.

“What was that?” I asked.

“What was what?” He shot back.

“The complete lack of charm? The interrupting??”

“I want my coffee, I do not want to waste time flirting with the barista. I am already very close to murdering the man in the back corner of the room, smacking his lips as he’s eating.” Lucanis ranted.

He then looked like he had seen a ghost and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

“Oh Meirda… I had this same conversation with Illario in a place like this.”

“Your cousin, I’m guessing?”

“Sí. My cousin.”

“I see. You sound fond and… not fond of him.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Tell me about it.” I leaned in.

“Another time. Perhaps in private. Suffice it to say that my cousin… acts like you a bit. Far more skilled though.” He said cheekily.

“Far more skilled?! Fenhedis- How is he more skilled than I?” I huffed.

“First of all, he actually can kill a guy in one stab.”

“Oh come on! I am an archer! I’m much better with arrows. Trust me, my master gave up on me using daggers.”

“All I am hearing is excuses.” He sang.

“Fine. You teach me then.” I spat back.

The barista came over with our cups, placing them down for us and smiling at me.

“Drink up, signori”

“Grazie, signora.” I purred at her.

I then turned to Lucanis who was already sipping his drink, his face showing mass amounts of elation and comfort after the first sip.

I looked around at everyone having fun  and dancing, and then looked back at Lucanis. His eyes shining in the candle light, his hair shimmering and his skin glowing. He seems to have settled in nice for a moment. Like his whole form changed just from a sip of coffee.

Fair though.

Never get between an Antivan and their coffee.

Though I did think about how uncomfortable he was walking in. Being surrounded by people. It must’ve been harder than ever for him to be social after being locked away and tortured for a year.

I just hoped I wasn’t forcing him to be uncomfortable. I just wanted him to be happy. To have fun and just relax.

Why? Why do I care so much about HIS happiness? Why is that the only thing on my mind? I wasn't this way with Davrin. Or Taash.

Why is Lucanis’s happiness really important to me?

A hand abruptly grabbed onto my shoulder and a human man turned me around in my stool to face him, pushing himself in between my legs.

“Well hello there, pretty lady~ Couldn’t help but noticed you looked a little lost in thought. Howz about you and I spend the evening together, ey? Get your mind off whatevas gotch you down. Whatdaya say?~”

I chuckled, playing cute.

“Oh my! So forward! I don't know…” I giggled.

If he thinks I’m a woman, I am not going to argue with him. I don’t know if he knows his own name with how much beer is on his breath. I just don’t want another fight to break out.

Lucanis got up from his chair, and pushed himself between the man and I, staring the man down with a very intense and sharp look.

“I am afraid they are with me tonight, signore.”

The guy stumbled back a bit, looking Lucanis up and down. 

“Who ere you, then? Huh? Some well dressed noble twat not fully off of mommas tit? The lady-“

“Leave them alone. You’ve had enough to drink and they are not interested. Just step away from them.”

“Luca, it’s alright.” I chirped out, my pants getting tight again watching Lucanis defend me. “I am not worth getting into a fight over.”

“You heard the whore. Get outta my way-“

Lucanis swiftly brought his daggers out and criss crossed them up to the man’s neck, keeping him in place.

“Leave. Last warning.”

The man stood there for a moment before backing away into the crowd and spitting at Lucanis’s feet.

“Whatever. Ere’s Plenty of other whores around!” He sang out.

Lucanis then turned towards me with a confused look.

“Luca?” He asked.

I jolted, slowly feeling hot with embarrassment.

“Uh, shit. It’s… a nickname. Your name just shortened.”

He sheathed his daggers, then his eyes looked down at my lap.

“Why are you…?” He trailed off.

“Why am I…?” I looked down and immediately crossed my leg over my other. “No reason!”

Lucanis laughed a bit but said nothing more on it, sitting back down at the bar.

“You didn’t need to threaten him. I can handle myself just fine. It’s not the first time I’ve used my body to avoid trouble.”

“Why? You may not be skilled with your daggers, but you can still use them to defend yourself.”

“I don’t just do it for that. I do it for fun~ To get close to a contract. To avoid trouble.” I began, sipping my coffee. “I am rather skilled at it.”

“If it works for you. I just… didn’t like the way he was touching you.”

“Why? I am sure you’ve seen worse with Illario if he’s like me.”

“Much worse.” He laughed, turning towards the counter again. “I don’t know why I didn’t like it. It just felt wrong.”

“Felt wrong? Are you alright?” I asked, now concerned.

“I…I don’t know. I feel different right now. Somehow.”

I then thought about the kiss. How he hugged my body close to his. How he gripped my hair. I rubbed the spot on my neck where he had bitten into, Feeling a tender area. Likely bruised.

“I think you marked me.” I chuckled.

“What?” He said looking over and coughed in surprise. “Ah. That.”

“Are we really wanting to avoid this conversation? Things got pretty… steamy in the library.”

Lucanis stayed quiet, staring into his coffee cup intensely. His eyes darted around, as if trying to find answers in the cup or on the bar.

“I… I thought you were gone.”

“So? I woke up.”

“You were out for 3 minutes.”

“That’s it?” I joked, looking at my nails. “I must be getting better at waking up. Last time I was knocked out was for 5 minutes and that-“

“That isn’t funny.” Lucanis said sharply.

I closed my mouth. Putting my hands in my lap slowly, I was now looking over at him.

“I… I was worried. Very worried that I would never get to… hear you again. I don’t know why that bothered me so much! I mean, I was about to start dragging you out of there to take you back to the Lighthouse. To get help. Until you started stirring.” Lucanis said strained.

“Luca…”

“And then when you awoke I just… reacted. I was relieved and then you smiled and I just…”

I felt the blood rush to my face, the urge to smile was rising and rising fast.

He… doesn’t know why he’s acting like this either.

“Kissed me.” I finished.

“When I started, I just couldn’t stop. Every impulse, every part of my upbringing told me to stop but I just couldn’t.”

I scooted closer to him, putting my hand on his back.

“You really… you really felt that way?” I smiled.

Why did that make my heart race?

“Yes… After that, all I… I wanted… The noises you made when I bit you were...” Lucanis chuckled softly, struggling with his words. “It was intoxicating…”

Our eyes locked. His dark eyes were almost lighter looking into mine. A color of dark chocolate brown colors, with hints of purple in the iris. His lips were now very close to mine.

“Intoxicating? You sounded like you really enjoyed them. I heard you moan as well.” I cooed.

I stared at his lusciously thick lips, putting my hand on his thigh. His body reacted by shuddering. I watched his throat gulp and looked into his eyes again. His breathing was getting quicker.

“I was about to do something crazy…”

“Kind of want you do something crazy…~”

The barista started ringing a cowbell. 

“Last call! After you’re done here, go find an actual bar to drink your sorrows away!”

I groaned a bit, looking over at Lucanis who moved away quickly, gulping down the rest of his coffee.

“Come on, Demitrix. Let’s… go find something else to do, I guess.”

I sighed and hopped off the chair.

“Are you sure? You looked tense the entire time we were in there.”

Lucanis just scoffed.

“I am always tense.”

“Still, I don't want-“

“I just want to do whatever you decide. Name a place and we will go there.” He interrupted.

Think, Demitrix. Think. What would be fun for both of us to do together? What would be familiar for Lucanis?

I suddenly had an idea. A smile curling on my lips.

“I have an idea. Two things need to happen first.”

“What needs to happen?” Lucanis urged.

“We need a change of clothes, and I need my bow.”

“Your bow? A change of clothes? Why?”

“Well, the reason why depends.” I smiled coyly.

“On?”

“You still got that contract on you~?” I purred.

“Of course?”

His face lit up with realization.

“Well. Let’s fulfill it.~”

(Continued in Chapter 3)

(Previous Chapter)

[darkdemeter]

Hi idk if I sent this request your way,if so feel feee to ignore it.

But could you write a death x reader but the reader is an oldest sibling too? Maybe their (3) younger siblings are in Haven with the makers while their big sibling travels with death for supplies.

I was thinking that the reader could be a foil to death,they have an excelent relationshipp with their siblings, their younger siblings always try to act all tough when Deaths around to "make sure he doesnt hurt their big sibling"(its harmless though).

And ive always hc Strife being the second oldest,and its clear him and death "hate" eachother(or at least dont get along). So maybe the reader has more affinity with the sibling that follows them in the birth order.

Maybe during their travels the reader swaps "sibling advice" with Death(more Like they talk and he listens. I dont think he'd Open up much about his relationship with his siblings). I think the reader would be like "talk to them like adults,dont underestimate them,sometimes you gotta accept they need to get hurt to learn a lesson" that kind of stuff.

And I think the reader would also share how it kind of felt like their childhood was taken away from them and replaced with the duty to take care of their siblings (and that they would still accept taking care of them,they just wished they had more time to experience their childhood). just sharing those kinds of stories to Bond with Death.

Maybe after the supply run they return and Death watches from afar as the reader and their siblings are just chaotic forces of nature and play around and give the makers a stress ulcer lmao. Maybe he gets a little sentimental and hey maybe he puts the reader's advice to the test (with strife or with any of his siblings really)

Also,one more bit of info: Death has confirmed hes the eldest but thats about it, And the reader's siblings are all close in age to the reader,just a 4-5 year gap. (I imagine the reader being in their 20s)

(Pd: I wanted to request this since its heavily based some Real life experiences of mine as an older sibling! And the idea has been going around in my head like a DVD screensaver.)

As always take your time! Your writing's amazing!!!! Have a nice day!!!

THE BONDS BETWEEN KIN

◤✘DARKSIDERS REQUESTS | CATALOGUE Death x GN Reader

NOTES ↳ Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JER!! Wishing you the best day and I hope this makes for a well waited gift! 🎉 I agree so much with the hc that Strife is the second oldest (or that he and Fury have this sort of opposite twin energy?) Writing this was actually a unique go because *LORE DROP! Demeter here, I am the youngest of my siblings. WARNINGS❕ ↳ a mixed concoction of fluff and angst — some profanity — Death is a bit grumpy at the start — we got a wholesome ending! — I think that’s it?

✎ 4.9k ────────────────────────

Everything moves together in sync with each other. Hammers and mallets pound posts and pieces into place, platforms rise and lower at the controlled helm of a steady rope. Crafts are honed and day by day a further stretch of home is made. Humans engage and tidy and work, doing what they must and can for each other; for survival. And that’s what you must do with the pale rider.

He stands idle by Haven’s entrance like an outcast, back set against the old and creaking oak that overlooks a jungle of branching pathways. To those around Haven, he is walking trouble; he is Death after all. So when nobody goes out of their way to greet him or offer him a piece of hospitality, he returns the favour by not batting an eye their way. Most of them keep away. Most of them shrink away in fear of him.

Most… 

The flicker of burning amber slims finely into a narrowed glare as he watches you from that darkened corner of Haven. His hands tense against the cold skin of his arms that are squarely crossed over his chest, huffing and tsking his tongue to himself as he waits for you. 

Things haven’t been the same for any of you since the apocalypse, so you do what you must for what remains of your family, keeping them safe and well supplied. You can’t bear to see them go hungry or cold, you can never settle with the heartbreaking thought of them going without a place to lay down their heads out of risk of being compromised. You never could, now that you think of it. 

They understand why you must go, you’re one of the stronger and healthier humans who can hold themselves well enough in a fight or two. It still didn’t make the going away part any easier. Not since your parents died. 

“Alright, I’m off.” Your announcement only bears furrowed brows and sunken frowns. They fear that this time you won’t come back. 

“Do you really have to go?” Your youngest sibling cannot hide the slight tremble in their voice. Despite their old enough age to know how this new world works around them, therein lies the terrible and voided feeling of abandonment. 

“I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.”

You know Death has this habit of watching you, you feel it even now, the way his piercing eyes bear a weight that almost forces your body to be pushed forward. You notice it too whenever you’re with your siblings, silent and watchful of how you play and mess around, how you coddle them like newborns whenever they’re in fear and how attentive you are to their wounds, troubles and failings. Not so much like him. With his siblings, he is coarse and ruthless, very rarely shedding that toughened exterior to be kinder. It’s how he was raised to be. And so, it’s only natural for him to continue to be that way. 

In comparison, you hold your ground when scolding your siblings when they do something wrong or dangerous, but nevertheless you temper your strict lectures with a level of care and love. You tell them to not go outside after dark because it’s dangerous and you don’t want them getting hurt. You correct them if their sense of play converts into discord. You don’t spit venomous judgment and tell them how it must be done, you guide and show them how it can be done. You’re a mender of broken things, a leader to lost and hopelessly wandering ones. 

You keep balance within the confines of your family, and Death keeps balance on the outskirts. Out of reach from you. Sometimes he feels like he envies the way you and your siblings get along. But that’s not right, it’s not envy. He can’t explain it, not even to himself. It’s just this insecure feeling that he’s done everything wrong by his brothers, that their so-called brotherhood is naught by an empty shell of petty lies, spite and disagreeable alliance. 

And Strife… he scoffs to himself at the mere thought and pictured recollection of that sibling. He thought Fury’s relationship with him and their brothers was a demon stirred nest. His estranged kinship with Strife was an entire beast all its own. The two of them always butt heads, caught in a state of arguing with no hope of a middle ground, even when there are options. The two can never seem to be on the same page. 

It’s one of the many sad reasons he admits is why he seeks solitude rather than the companionship of his kin; the very and actual last of his kind. 

Sighing, he pushes himself off the tree’s wall and stares sharply in your direction. There you are, still attending your younger ones with gracious and overbearing care. You spoil them with lavish affection, grabbing each one and embracing them tightly and peppering them with a treasure trove of kisses that they can miss you by. 

The youngest is given a tad more than the others. The baby of your little clan, much like War is of his own. 

Death stalks over with a harrowing crunch under each step, it’s noticeable like a literal announcement that the reaper has come for your soul. An ice cold chill runs down your spine and pricks along your skin with goosebumps.

Each of your siblings are torn from that tight and warm embrace you supply them with, a halo that hovers over them all protectively, and they each visibly tense up. If he didn’t find your stern eyes in that moment, he would have questioned why they all puffed up like a murder of fat crows. But he bites his tongue, he bites down the passionate stir of sarcastic aggression. 

“Are you finished?” he questions instead. His tone has a harsher bite to it then he cared to let on. 

“Yeah, just… give me a second.” It’s a second more you ask for. Surely the reaper can spare you that. He rolls his eyes, a fiery haze lacking direct and knowing pupils that flow about in the carved out sockets of his mask like wild fireflies. 

Knowingly, you direct your gaze to your siblings. You see through their toughened charade easily because you know them — each of them an open chapter within a book. They mean to hide their worries and carry on as if your going away doesn’t leave them haunting around Haven as ghosts that float anxiously until you inevitably return. As if something to prove to Death, they hold their heads a little higher and furrow their brows a bit harder with determination. 

“We’ll get to work on those tasks for you,” says your middle sibling, the youngest nodding in agreement. You huff quietly to yourself. “Alright. Take care of them now. Stay out of trouble and be sure to help out the Makers when they need it. I mean it.”

The rise of your brows makes it fundamentally clear that you will not hear another tale of your siblings running amuck rather than helping the Makers. 

“I’ll keep them in check for you,” assures your second oldest sibling. 

Your nearance in age makes it easy for you both to converse often and come together for the better. That’s what Death has come to understand. You pat their shoulder with a smile, proudly fond of their commitment to ensure things run smoothly in your absence. 

You turn to Death, daring to meet the soul-shuddering cold of his gaze and gruffly, he saunters off with you not far behind. A chorus of voices familiar call after you in bidding you goodbyes and reminders to stay safe. 

Out of all the survivors in your little enclave, you’re really the only one that embraces Death’s skulking presence, his quiet and brooding nature that leaves him on the looming outskirts as he remains watchful and vigilant. His trips are usually short and few in between his other priorities, to what accomplishments you have little idea, but your company is at least familiar to him. Still, you can be subjected to the brutality of his cold shoulder. 

“So what has your scythes in a twist this time?” you ask, your eyes highly observant of your surroundings. He only grumbles in response. The voided silence is only occasionally disturbed by a drawled caw that circles from above, Dust languidly surfing through the air. 

“I’d wage a penny for your thoughts, but you don’t strike me as the gambling type.” He’s scouring some corner of the area, sifting through a bundle of half splintered and damaged crates in search of supplies. 

Years ago, this exact spot was a graveyard of a small and docile park, smothered ankle-deep in ash and decay. Now, the trickling resurgence of growth sprouts freshly, the sunlight dances in soft haloing rays through the crackling rubble. Flowers are beginning to bloom. Much like Humanity in a way, the world itself is slowly finding its footing again in this changed world.

You wander over to him after dragging a sorted amount of supplies that you already found. The sun would be setting soon and it was best to remain close in numbers. 

“C’mon,” you chide with a wistful breath of air and you join him at his side. “I know that burdened look when I see it. Out with it, Horseman.”

“It’s nothing that concerns you.” Your lips purse sharply, brow slightly raised higher than the other, a pure visage of ‘Oh really’ on your face. 

He continues to ignore the idea of looking at you and instead focuses his search on the crates before him. A Horseman reduced to a lower task, he’s almost brought into the far past of his youthful days, a time where he saw worlds conquered and thousands slaughtered. 

However, he only had himself to blame for offering to go with you, noting how despite your skills, you wouldn’t last out here by yourself. Not without him. 

Shaking his head with a short tut jabbing in his throat that pulls tight on his vocal cords, he catches movement out of the corner of his eyes. You walk forward until you situate yourself against a fallen structure, half sitting on it and cross your arms. It’s not too long after that Death’s feathery companion lands beside you with a throaty warble, bristling his feathers into a puff.

He cranes his neck and the flaming core of his stare meets yours, intentionally ignoring the lazy bird that chirps a velvety purr while you absently pet a finger along his back. He sees that same look you give your siblings when you’ve caught them in a lie. 

The amount of times he’s given Strife that same pressing look and still, he never yields any similar results that you do. 

Death sighs to the wind that carries it up in the air to be discarded and forgotten much like his many attempts to reconcile and temper his brothers. Every turn had been for nothing in the end. 

“Your siblings giving you trouble, Death?”

You sound sincere and it almost visibly shakes him. So genuine in your knowing, in your concerned question. His chin falls with a steep incline that you read as an affirmative nod. Yes, you know just which brother in particular that Death’s mind is tormented by, leaving him bitter and lonesome. 

“My younger siblings do things that drive me crazy at times. There’s times where we fight, there are days where it’s hard to juggle the roles. I want to give them a promising world yet I have to also be realistic. I always let them know that my intentions for them are sincere. That I want what is best and most safe for them.”

Death is silent. He can hear the inaudible but…

“But… there are times where I have to stand on the sidelines and let them do their thing. I have to watch them fall so I know they can get back up on their own feet. Because when I’m not around, I want to know they’re going to be okay without me.”

“And yet you coddle them to no end,” he remarks. You hear the rasped judgment in his tone and you chuckle to suppress the thin layer of tears coating your eyes. 

“I do,” you admit with a nod, “I do, yes. What I’m trying to say is that it’s not easy being the oldest, okay? I know what it’s like. All the responsibility shoved on the shoulders, made to be the lookout, the judge, jury and executioner. To be gentle yet stern and understand when and what was necessary.”

Death stands to his full height after he moves a few crates aside, possibly littered with some supplies you can take back to Haven. 

“I have noticed… you treat them more like soldiers than anything. Especially Strife.”

“I do not—”

Your lashes beat fast at the sudden defense he fronts and he catches himself, eyes thinning into a glare. Either way, you know you have him there. And he knows it too. He joins you, leaning against the structure while crossing his arms and undoubtedly scowling under his mask.

“You try to hold them back from their capabilities and mold them into compliance. More than anything after everything that’s happened, they need a brother. I think you’ll find that if you talk to them, really talk to them, that you can find common ground. A stable union.”

He turns his head in your direction but doesn’t exactly meet you. His raven locks fall over the white contrast of a bone and placid visage, the dimming orange of sun emits a glowing aura around him and the wind gently breathes through his hair. 

He almost looks thoughtful, heavily seated in an internal channel that studies your words like ancient scriptures. 

Perhaps humans did have a shred of intellect. His shoulders jump as a low and gravelly note comes from his throat, it sounds almost like a dry chuckle. It still brings a hopeful smile to your face that he’s found something useful in your advice. 

“How exactly did it all fall on you to look after them?”

It’s a loaded gun more than a question, so heavy with a leaded tale of many days that seemed uncertain and scary. Your body slumps forward a little, lips pulled in to sink your teeth into them. “My parents weren’t around a whole lot, they were kept busy working longer hours each week to bring in enough money. My dad’s job had him travelling a lot anyway and…” You pause, rolling your tongue over your teeth.

“Meanwhile, I was left to look after my siblings. I was the one who made them dinner, got them washed and ready for bed and checked if they brushed their teeth. Some nights the power went out and I’d have the flashlight pointed at the ceiling to make shadow puppets. Kept them from getting scared of the dark.” 

You swallow thickly. “I did… everything I could for my little bear cubs. I’d get into the shittiest of scraps with kids who shoved them around. I’d sneak out of school during lunch period to make sure they were doing alright in their yard.”

It’s a flurry of memories that come back to you. A series of events cataloged into your mind, to remember the good and the bad, how much worse things could have been, but also something else. 

“Do you blame your parents for it?”

Immediately you shake your head. Out of necessity or because you truly don’t blame them. “No. I love those kids with everything I have. However… I paid the price by giving up my own childhood for it. Instead of typical teenage sneak outs or going out on dates, I stayed home on the couch helping the kids with their homework or heating up enough popcorn so we could all huddle up together and watch a movie. I taught myself how to ride a bike so then I could teach them how. I was never really taught by my parents when they were around. They would just vaguely explain it to me, then go about their own thing.”

Instead of a soul shredded and marred into something heinously bitter, you stiffened your upper lip and rolled with the punches. In the forced haste of time that hurried you to grow up, you saddled up with the responsibilities that were your parents, not yours. 

The bottom lids of his eyes flinch, a minute action but heavily betraying his thoughts as you both stare at one another. 

He’s almost… bothered by your story. As though he finds it unfair. 

You shrug with your brows rolling with a lax coil as you shove off that small grief. “But it is what it is. I didn’t get the chance to experience what my childhood could have been. It would have been nice, I would have liked to enjoy it while I had it, but I’d trade it all a hundred times over if it meant they grew up knowing they were loved and appreciated, that everything they did was acknowledged.” 

You have to take a break before the bubbling writhe of tears come undone. Clearing your throat, your fingers pluck the frayed rips in your pants, annoyed at the little imperfections that those rips represent. But then you smile. You remember those fights started on the sidewalk as a bully gave your youngest the roughest shoulder they could muster. You’d knock noses, bust lips and pack bruises if it all meant that your siblings knew you always had their backs. 

Sighing shakily, calmed, you continue, “That’s what being human — and older sibling — is about. You’d give anything for them, to see them safe, see them smile and to see the world at their fingertips.”

“You’ve raised them well. I cannot see any other doing the task better than you have.” Your brows bevel in the center, a smile tugged at the corner of your lips. “Thanks, Death.”

He can take your response any way he likes, but you’re glad that you had someone to unload the burden to. Someone who can in some way relate. You and Death have much in difference but you see many other alignments that match up. Almost two sides of the same coin that flips round and round in constant motion. A never ending cycle, a duty never entirely complete. 

With a glance towards the setting sun, you push yourself up on your two feet, disturbing Dust’s placement that sends him flying to the winds, and you begin to sift through Death’s collected supplies. “Just talk to him like a brother, Death. Because in the end all you have is each other. And when shit hits the fan, you need them on the sidelines of the ring.”

Death hums, a steep sound that reverberates in his chest and rumbles in his throat. He straightens his posture and his eyes follow you closely, watching you with the keen intent of a hawk. And he nods. Not the sort of evasive or dismissive bob of his head, but an actual bow of his chin that then rose up. Your lips grow wide into a grin. 

“Now, shall we get this stuff back to Haven?”

Your name is shouted in burstful happiness, relief trailed in whimpers as your youngest sibling runs to you. The other two keep their pace cool as they approach, aware of the pale rider’s presence next to you while you both unload the cargo of supplies. 

Placing down a crate, you replace its company with that of your eager little bear that engulfs you boldly that it knocks the wind from you a little. You huff out a short laugh. “Hey, I wasn’t that long. I promised I’d be back.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“See that you’re both in one piece,” remarks your middle sibling, earning a soft jabbing elbow to their rib by the other.

“Yes, we’re both alright.” You glance to Death then. “Thanks for helping me out with the supply run. Should do it again sometime.”

Death had found the actual events of going through supplies mundane, funnily enough he thought he would die from how boring it was. No, it was the nature of your little talk that kept his mind occupied. 

“Try not to run out of supplies so soon,” he retorts dryly and you chuckle. “We’ll try but more humans are being found by the day. Maybe we’ll need some extra hands onboard soon enough?”

Death’s lips curl into a slight sneer to what you allude to behind the mere suggestion. His eyes roll far around in his skull and he shoves his shoulders down, releasing the tension from them as he moves swiftly to spin on his heel. 

“Be seeing you around, Horseman,” you coo over your shoulder, your attention becoming a stolen relic by your thieving siblings. 

He stands at Haven’s inviting gateway and stops in his retreating advance. Something compels him to linger in the shadows of the tree’s abode, a place he finds so hostile and uninviting to his very existence, but among it all there’s you. You always offer a greeting nod of your head, a direct line of contact with his eyes as you acknowledge him. Your eyes don’t shakily follow him like he’s a phantom to be watched and feared, you embrace the gloom and grim of his company. 

You won’t admit it anytime soon, but you always have this sense of anticipation. And when he’s not around, you find yourself missing him. 

Death hides in the now blackened corner where he stood earlier that day, his eyes flaring and dimming depending on his concentrated intrigue as he watches you. You and your siblings organise your collected haul into piles. 

“What’s this? What’s this thing do?” 

“You know what that is, you cheeky little thing,” you chuckle as your little siblings begin their cycle of mischief.

“Huh, look at this. It looks just like you.” You gasp at the second oldest, mouth agape that cannot portray anything but that insulted fun. “Oh really?” You quip before you both engage in a small scuffle. 

You become entangled in playful headlocks and knocking the other back with reserved and non-lethal blows. 

Before Death’s eyes, all four of you are causing the type of trouble you had warned them about before you left. Between the mockery of fights, you hold them tight to you and ruffle their hair affectionately. When Ulthane marches over, his eyes bearing the fearsome darkness of a scolding glare, he begins to bark and roar with fuming irate. Your siblings had gotten up to no good, and what you once warned them about, you now indulged in their mischievous plots. 

A small stone Ulthane kept in the back and higher stacked crates to indeed keep mischievous and curious humans out of reach from, was now the prized toy of a game of Maker-in-the-middle. Instead of throwing high given his advantage there, you duck low and keep your throws to the sides. 

Laughter fills the air around you as you play around, getting a little too rambunctious but otherwise it's all an exchange of kinship, a bond strengthened over the years. Death wonders if you allow yourself these luxuries now to make up for your lost childhood, and maybe you did, but it lights a feeling in his chest that it almost swells with an unknown fire. 

By the time he finally moves to take his leave, he lets out a slip of a chuckle, gentle and tenderly adoring. Out of all the humans, Death holds a more softer regard for you. 

Strife doesn’t bother in entertaining his older brother’s arrival, his gaze set on the distant view of Haven from this afar camp that he refers to as The Exiled Point. A fitting title he named in spite of Death and their recent confrontation with each other. 

He doesn’t pay any mind to the thunderous fall of steady footfall moving towards him. Strife is far too engrossed at his post, keeping watch here, no longer hindered by the need to wear the robes of his disguise in order to fit in around the humans. The closest he ever felt to belonging somewhere. 

“Strife.” The gunslinging Nephilim only scoffs with a venomous whistle flowing against his masked tongue. 

“You gonna tell me to pack up and leave again?”

The kinship is strained between them. Ever since that distasteful argument, the two have grown further apart, barely sparing the other so much as a shouldering glance. No hint of remorse, no intent to mend their breaking brotherhood. 

“That’s not why I came up here.”

“Then what is your business here, Brother?”

Death’s head falls slowly forward and his shoulders sag down. He tries to think about how you’d react, what you would do in this situation. What would you do?

“I… wanted to see you.”

Strife cocks his head to the side, body jostling with a sharp and jagged laugh that hints at his still writhing anger. “Well, you’ve seen me! So you should be on your way. I dunno, go and see the humans, go out and protect the balance. After all, what help could I be? I’ll just be a danger to everything.”

Death raises his foot to rest it atop the cut down stump beside Strife, the moonlit winds bellowing the flowing scarves and waisted tabards of the brothers’ armour. Both set their sights to the faint glow of Haven’s lights. A soft beacon in the foggy distance. 

“What I said to you was unfair.”

Strife clicks his tongue that runs over the sharpened tips of his fangs. “Still doesn’t change what you said. You don’t get it, man. When I was down there with the humans, I felt—”

Strife feels his heart rap hard against his chest. Within the blaring glow of flittering gold, tears shimmer. He wanted to yell, he wanted to cuss and roar at Death to mount up and ride away, to never come near him again. He wanted what he had seen the humans have with his own brothers; but he couldn’t.

Death shakes his head, voice sullen. “At the time, I thought I was doing what was necessary. What was safe for the humans. But I see now that I didn’t make the right choice. I treat you like a soldier, I talk to you with scorn and hatred because it’s all I’ve known. But first and foremost, you are my brother, Strife.”

With a loud, bellowing sigh that forcibly drags Strife forward to slump in his posture as he sits on a perched rock, he takes a moment to reflect. It hadn’t been fair at all that day with that fight. 

They were both ready to kill each other if the Makers, War and Fury hadn’t intervened. If you hadn’t stepped in to keep the brothers from ripping each other apart. You didn’t agree with Death’s decision then, after all, you had gotten on well with Jones. With Strife.

But Death was the eldest, the leader of the fabled Horsemen. Who was Strife, the second eldest, to fight and argue? Who was he to disobey an order?

“I’m sorry, Strife.”

It sends a volting freeze through Strife’s entire being, his muscles tense and his unresting spirit freezes. It feels like his heart has stopped beating. 

Not once has Death ever been sorry. The only time he ever expressed a shred of guilt and remorse was for their fallen brethren, for Absalom… 

Strife finally shifts to look to his side, meeting Death’s eyes. A steadfast silence passes between them that slowly begins to mend the wounds of their drifting apart. His golden eyes dart and waver behind the visor, his lips tugged and twisted into confused sneers and parted, forgotten sentences. 

“I cannot take back what I’ve said. I cannot promise to coddle you like a newborn, but I wish for our brotherhood to become stronger. I want the bond between us to become so powerful that it will take more than a mere disagreement to tear us apart. You — and War and Fury — are my kin. Because in the end you three are all I have.”

Both are settled into silence again, listening to the low howl of the wind’s carrying gusto. Their sights retrain their focus on Haven, as if the kindle in which they both knew that was you, brought them together. A far off thank you that you won’t know of until you see them again. 

A small, genuine and high-spirited laughter burns in Strife’s chest, soon joined by Death. 

“So am I still in exile?” 

Death curls his fingers into a tight fist and much like he’d seen between you and your siblings, he punches into Strife’s shoulder. “You never were. You always had a place to belong with us.”

As time goes by in a passing of shaded midnight, moon gliding slowly through the sky, two brothers that watch over Haven become three and then four with Dust finally perching himself comfortably on Death’s shoulder. Each of them embrace the cool winds at their backs, basking in the quiet contentment of their renewed bonds. And all because one human had the answer all along that finally united the four Horsemen not as soldiers, but as a true brotherhood. 

[growthf]

hello! can i request zhongli, al haitham, scaramouche, and xiao with m!reader who is a kpopers? isekaid reader/modern au is okay! i just randomly saw your profile and bam! youre a kpopers(⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠), its okay if its a girlgroup or boygroup, and if you can only write for only several characters, its also okay! feel free to delete and dont forget to drink water & keep healthy (⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♪

ask and you shall receive! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

✩ zhongli, al haitham, scaramouche, & xiao x k-fan!male!reader

^^; modern au, reader has a slight (large.) obsession

a/n: thank you for the request! i hope this meets your expectations!!

ZHONGLI

occupancies you to every concert, fansigning, and popup store (all attended with your money btw!!!)

your favorite group is performing somewhere across the sea?? you best believe he’ll be right on that plane with you

doesn’t understand fanchants in the slightest, but always loves the look on your face when you’re enjoying yourself

when he first went to a fansigning with you he was confused ?!?!!

don’t all these people have jobs or something???

you had told him it was a popular event within groups and that most take the day off, but he really felt like the world was cramped into a tiny room that day

follows you around whenever you’re shopping or trying to find a new album

watches you open it purely to see your eyes light up when you get a pc of your bias

if you’re into a boy group he’s probably a little jealous you’re screaming over some guy other than him, but it’s not like he’d ever tell you that

“there’s a performance in a neighboring state? it would be fun to see somewhere new together, i’ll come with.”

AL HAITHAM

super confused at first

you like flying millions of miles ?!!?! to see people sing & dance ??? next to millions of other people !?!?

you might as well had him play some musical cartoons if you wanna see people sing & dance–at least it’s free!!

when you explained clearly he understood a little better

he still stays at home though

UNLESS you go out of state or country, he’ll fly with you but just stay in your shared hotel room till you come back

who wants to deal with people that’ll probably rip him apart if he says the wrong thing in the wrong tone

his first time at your house was a tough one

not only were there posters as far as the eye could see, but your desk and most of your shelves were decorated to the brim with merchandise and other things

how could you even afford all that AND pay bills at the same time???

you forced him to a concert once and he nearly broke.

yelling, screaming, shouting, so many lights and flashes, everything happening all at once

made you drive to the hotel that night.

“call me on your way back, i’ll see if room service offers any midnight treats.”

SCARAMOUCHE

went to one concert at had a love hate relationship with it

you’re enjoying yourself? yay!!! you’re screaming over someone other than him?? boo!!

went to all the concerts with you after that just to make sure you didn’t get any funny ideas

went to a fansigning and oh. my. god.

nearly passed out before y’all made it to the car

he made a mental note for himself to go everywhere BUT fansignings after that incident

bought an album for you as a birthday gift and the way you practically melted made him confused??!?!

what’s so special about pictures of some people who don’t even know you??

(made sure to keep up on your favorite group(s)/solos to see if there’s any upcoming albums so he can see your reaction again)

if you have a decked out room AND ita bag, he’s probably questioned how you manage to stay housed a couple of times

how can you afford bills, concerts, AND merchandise, yet you couldn’t afford the $2 cookies at your last hang out???

does not understand your money logic in the slightest

“anything happening this weekend? ..a fansigning.. you go ahead and have fun, i think i’ll pass on this one..”

XIAO

a mix of al haitham and zhongli tbh

wants to see you have fun but also doesn’t wanna be around all those screaming people

will accompany you to a concert every now and then depending on when and where they’re taking place

says he forgets all your biases but has a note on his phone with every name you mention on it

even follows most of their socials, too

you wonder sometimes how he manages to keep up with things that even you haven’t heard about yet and he’s glad you haven’t figured him out

whenever you talk about a new album or single releasing soon, you’ll always find it outside your door despite not ordering it yet

went with you to a fansigning and honestly he kinda enjoyed it

i mean yeah, the lines were hell and the people in line were annoying–but he liked how your face lit up when you finally made it to the front and got the signature you stood nearly a whole day for

made a promise to keep going with you even if others around were so nauseatingly loud

you showed him your photocard collection for the first time, and he was genuinely impressed with it

when and where did you even get all the money for them!?!

he checks in regularly to see if you have any new additions to the already large collection once in a while now

“what was the name of that group you liked again? right. well, they’re having a performance next week–it’s real close by, too.”

[lloydfrontera]

what if og! Lloyd actually grew a backbone and decide to simply leave/runaway from the Frontera estate when he has this 'i dont wanna stay in this little estate anymore' and ignoring the restoration of fate for this guy, but still following the plot, estate in debt, suicide from fronteras and all that, will javier still be loyal to this lloyd if he ever cross paths with this guy as javier travels? No kim suho though just og lloyd

ooohhhhh that's such a fun scenario. absolutely brutal but very fun.

i wanna say yes. yes he would still be loyal to this lloyd. because, and this is something i will never forgive the webcomic for skipping, arcos knows exactly what it is to want to run away from home and he would absolutely have understood lloyd's decision and never lost hope of one day seeing him again. and he would have asked javier to keep an eye out for lloyd and to take care of him if he ever saw him.

arcos,,, also kinda hated living in the barony when he was younger. he was frustrated, bored and sick of it. he felt like he was locked up, doomed to live as a small noble in the middle of nowhere. so he ran away. he took his father's horse and left in the middle of the night.

he would've absolutely understood lloyd if he had decided to leave their home.

and just like his father rushed to his aid when he needed it, arcos would've done anything to help his child, even if the only thing he could do at that point was ask his knight to keep him safe if he found him again.

and javier, the loyal puppy he is, would've followed his request no matter how much he hated the idea of protecting someone who abandoned the home and family he loved so much. there would even another layer of hatred in his heart against og lloyd as now part of javier would always wonder if arcos would've fallen for the scam had lloyd been there. we know he would've but javier would have no way of knowing.

(there's something... really sad about arcos falling for that scam that doesn't really come across in the adaptation despite it giving more attention to tordes than the novel did. tordes didn't just... offer arcos a lucrative business. he completely fooled him into liking him. he showed up as a passionate, discreet young man with a lot of initiative. someone who shared the same interests and passions, with whom he could talk about his favorite topics, someone he was very compatible with. I thought he and I just clicked. And that's why I trusted him.

arcos who never could quite connect with his oldest son, who was constantly disappointed by his terrible actions and his lack of decency, who had come to despise his child despite how much he still loved him... of course he fell for tordes' scam. he was the perfect target for someone like him.)

at the same time i do think that maybe javier's dislike of him would've been tempered by time and distance. depending on when og lloyd left home perhaps javier's main reason to dislike him would just be very bad childhood memories of him, not the constant acts of violence and harassment he dealt with in canon. mind you, he would still despise him but it would be less of a "you're an active threat to the people around you and a constant disappointment to the people i regard as parents" and more of a "you were a bastard to me when i was a child and you leaving made the family i loved more than anything very sad", which is different if only because javier wouldn't have a reason to actively mistrust him beyond what could be considered childish bullying that happened years ago.

also. i do believe experiencing new places and actually getting a taste of what life is to someone without all the privileges he was born into would've actually done og lloyd some good and he would be less of an asshole in general. still a douche but not as much as a dick as he could be lol

i don't really think javier and him could ever really vibe with each other but at least they wouldn't actively hate each other like they do in canon

so in summary yes! i do think javier would still be loyal to this version of og lloyd and would protect him for as long as he was able to

that's just. the kind of guy javier is. loyal to the very end.

[kittydoodle]

i just wanna talk a little bit about my art journey the past few years, about my mental health related to it, and about my recently rediscovered joy in art. this doesnt have any real point, id just like to share (under the cut because its pretty long lol)

for a very long time, like several years, i was deeply unmotivated and uninspired to make any art. getting out of high school and eventually quitting my first job, i just felt really depressed, and with undiagnosed psoriatic arthritis putting me in worse and worse pain every day, i was lucky if i could even physically sit down and get a doodle out.

i also held myself to secret unsaid rules about how to create my art. no starting a piece unless i intend to finish it in the same day. no creating anything that isnt fully colored and polished. no making anything that doesnt have perfect lines or proportions im perfectly satisfied with. it stunted my self expression, it took all the joy out of making my art, and it made me upset because i believed i was somehow losing my passion for making art.

i sincerely believed i was growing out of my desire to draw, forever. i was distraught and grieving. i couldnt even draw things i was excited to, i would think to myself, "wow! id love to draw this idea!" and then id sit down and think about how id have to finish a full, perfect piece, and id immediately lose my motivation. so all id ever make were full, finished pieces every once in awhile, and i was still deeply unsatisfied with them.

however, in the past 6 months or so, a few things have come together that have really restored my excitement for creating art

first, (DISCLAIMER: this is not advice! dont follow my example!) i quit my adhd meds. yes, really. i was suddenly out of them for a couple weeks and in those couple weeks i realized i felt better than i had in years, and, ironically, it was way easier for my to do chores without it. the only thing i can really think of to explain it is that i was on a stimulant medication for a very, very long time, like most of my working memory ive been on them. i guess after so long it stopped working the way it should to due to tolerance buildup and was just bogging me down instead of stimulating me.

second, i doodle, i sketch, i make quick drawings i have no intention of finishing. i allow myself not to finish or perfect a piece. i even draw random ideas i wont do anything else with, just for fun. at the advice of a few friends, i have forcefully practiced letting myself get messy and unrefined with my art so that its less intimidating, and to my surprise it actually worked.

third, i started arthritis meds and i listen to my body way better now so i can avoid inflaming and injuring myself, which makes it a lot easier to draw without pain! i even do stretches! im still working on fully effective treatment for my pain, but im doing at least a little better

i dont really know where im going with this tbh... for anyone who has followed me for a long time, uve seen this blog get quiet with little to no art posts for months and months at a time for the past few years, so i hope u are excited to see me posting more frequently again! i missed it! i hope u enjoy me now as much as im enjoying me!

im happy to be creating again and i hope i can keep my passion going! im happier now than i have been in an extremely long time, and im excited to show everyone the things ive been creating more often

umm thats all i guess! if u read this far ummmm One Big Kissaroo From Me To You okay 🩷🩷🩷 MWAH

[tmwcs]

hi hi i hope you're okay. May i request a heethan or helel (preferably heethan since he's better at comforting) in which he comforts the reader when she feels useless and feels like giving up, ik its a sensitive topic but i have been like so useless and been depressed lately so i need a lil bit of comfort :)

So i decided to do this drabble a little different. Set in the same universe, and heethan is still heethan but i made this more personal for you and pictured this in you meeting heethan for the first time. so this is like.....a very fresh start, like a beginning to your own story with heethan if you will look at it that way. i hope this makes you feel better. <3

"Bloom where you're planted...."

Warnings: thoughts of (hinted) suicide, giving up, depression, and loneliness. Some fluff.

Walking through the nature trail, seemingly enjoying the scenery, you made your way down the path with a facade, to mask away your true feelings. It was a beautiful spring day, too bad your mood couldn't match it. Lately, you just haven't been feeling so worthy of continuing on. You're not sure if it was one thing or a thousand others, but something was definitely eating you up and causing you to have thoughts and feelings in wanting to disappear, or just become incoherent.

Somehow in the recent months, you've all but had it, if only you had the ability to tell your heart to give in and to stop it. Why was this so hard? Why was everything hard? Why did nothing make sense? Why can't you get anything right? Why cant you feel more productive? You felt as if you dont contribute to anything in life itself, and yet you keep taking in all of it's sucker punches and have to deal with everything. What was the meaning of it all? What was the purpose of going on and having nothing to show for it? Why did you feel so damn.....

"Useless....."

There was an emptiness, a disease of loneliness that ate you up and poisoned your body with tainted thoughts and horrifying nightmares. The thoughts were there, you just didn't have the courage to go all the way through with....at least...not yet. That's what scared you, what if your sense of emptiness gets worse? What if you continue to live feeling scared and dead inside?

You continued to take your steps and aimlessly wandered, following the natural made trail. No one was around or in sight, which you hadn't minded since being surrounded by others and feeling invisible felt far worse than actually being alone. Catching sight of a large log, covered in fresh, bright green, grassy moss, you gently perched yourself atop and crossed your legs over as you propped your elbow and rest your chin in your palm. The moss was soft, and provided a soft cushion for you as you sat long and stared into the abyss of stoic air and stale plants. Hours went by, while some people would find it fallow to sit and stare at the ground for such a long period, this became a usual habit for you. Why can't you find your calling? Your meaning to go on.....couldn't the universe just send you a signal or a sign? Why did it feel that the move was moving forward, and you were being left behind? Why? Nothing helped. Nothing eased the pain. The thoughts of giving up just became stronger and stronger, and that disease.....that aforementioned sickness only grew.

Deep in your darkest thoughts, you feel to the state of ignorance when you realized that you failed to hear his footsteps breaching you. It wasn't until he stepped on a small twig, that the snap caught your attention and shot you out of your zoned mentality. Turning your head, you looked over to see a man walking nearby. He was tall, lean, and built rather hard, considering the flexed muscles and veins that were on his hands and forearms. He had a hat that covered majority of his features, leaving only his mouth and the tip of his nose exposed. His shaggy hair laid down, sightly spurred on the sides, pass the helix of his ears as the length of it tapered in length towards the back of his neck. Carrying a single water bottle in one of his hands, he looked to be calmly enjoying a nice walk while remaining pensive in thought.

Noticing your frame, he lifts his chin and gains a better view as he peers down from the hood of his cap.

The very second he made eye contact with you, you immediately felt shy and shunned your gaze back towards the ground. He had such a handsome face and yet, it was paired with a rather lustful glare, you did your best to remain composed, hoping that he wouldn't noticed how flushed your face was becoming.

"Huh...." you heard him faintly humph out after seeing you. Walking over, he perches a seat right next to you. This was awkward.

"I didn't know anyone else knew about this spot." he calmly initiates conversation. His voice was so deep and yet light. It had a perfect balance in harmony of a depth tone and heightened pitch.

"oh...uh.....is....is this like your secret hideout?" you slightly teased as you nervously smiled, still keeping your vision towards the lush grass at the bottom of your feet.

"Heh...yeah, something like that." he chuckles out as he too keeps his gaze forward, softly admiring the view of the large field of poppies and daisy's. "Whats your name?" he asks.

"....mm?....y/n........and you?"

"Ethan."

Nodding, you gestured that it was nice to meet him. Trying to figure out a way to leave without enhancing the state of awkwardness with the handsome stranger, you were cut off in thought when he suddenly interrupts your thought process.

"Isn't life funny sometimes?"

".......i'm sorry?"

Smirking, he continues to admire the floral pasture as he crosses his arms and tilts his head. "We're surrounded by so much......life tests us with trials and tribunes of living, trying to make meaning out of it. We spend so much time worrying about the past, the future, and the present, that we ignore the true concepts of living."

He was so philosophical with his words, the man looked to be of college age, and you wondered if he was majoring in some sort of humanities program and psychology. Why was he saying all of this to you?

"I'm sorry....but i dont quite understand.....a-are you a poet?" you slightly laughed out. He chuckles back, all the while keeping his eyes on those flowers before you two.

"Something like that....." he says once more in response.

"oh.......well.......i'm sorry for intruding on your secret spot.....i should be getting back, i've been here for a while." You got up, but before you could take a single step towards exiting the location, you felt a gentle grab around your wrist.

"Come with me."

You slightly panicked. The man seemed nice and was good looking, but you didn't even know him, yet he was a bit forceful in dragging you over to whatever location he was taking you to. Too stunned to speak, you merely trailed behind. HIs grip was somewhat harsh, yet the constant stroking of his thumb below your palm somewhat eased your senses and reassured you that he meant you no harm. It actually felt....comforting.

Stopping at a random spot, surrounded by bushels of honey suckle vines, he pulls you over to his side.

"See this?" he shows you a beautiful rose that grew straight out from the ground. It was a bright shade of burgundy and had bright green leaves to match its stem. The petals looked almost like velvet, you had never seen a rose such as this, it was so amazingly beautiful, it took your breath away. What was even more potent than its appearance, was the amazing scent that emitted from it.

Suddenly, your heart dropped when his hand came into view, and did something you were not expecting. Grasping the stem near the base, he rips the entire rose plant from the ground, the small bits of its root prickling out from the bottom. Gasping, you looked with a saddened expression.

"Oh my goodness....why did you do that? its' such a beautiful plant, its going to die."

"Hm.......exactly."

Looking confused, you somewhat glared at him, only to watch his stern look soften as he pulls on your wrist, slightly closing the distance between you two.

"that's a good reaction. glad to see you hadn't entirely given up or lost your sense...."

you looked up. Were you really that transparent? was the lack of life in your eyes that apparent that he could tell you were being eaten up by something just merely minutes after meeting you? You felt rather embarassed and confused. Yet he kept talking, and his words did more than triggered a spark in the depths of your soul.

"Life can be so tricky. A long time ago, roses really didn't contribute to anything. They grew and took up ground space, really not having any purpose. There was even a time, where this plant was considered a weed, because of its' thorns. Yet, before man decided to act on burning it out of existence in this world, we discovered that this ornamental flower had some use when it came to creating scents, perfumes, and other forms of aromatherapy. There's a use for it after all.....we just had to give it time to discover it."

Your eyes began to glisten, as he leaned his face at a tilt and slightly closer towards yours.

"You felt sad when i snagged it out of the ground.....because you dont want it to die. You want to continue looking at it, smelling it.....to appreciate it. Dont you?" his hand brushes up and caresses your cheek.

"So then why not be more like this rose?" Taking your hand, he places the plant in your hand, after chipping off the thorns from its stem. "Take it home, and plant it. If life didn't give you a meaning in life, then make one for yourself.......take this plant, it needs you in order to survive now......this.....is your meaning, until you find your calling."

Looking deep into your eyes, he continues to reflect the symbolic meaning of inner growth.

"You're going to see, that life while life isn't always pleasant, no matter if you're human or a plant, things can happen.....life can snag you away at the root, and toss you over. You might feel dead, you might feel incapable of doing much.....whether you throw this rose aside, or plant it anywhere else, its' going to continue to grow, because it knows that while it wasn't immediate, it eventually found it's purpose in life.....and it brings joy to the world. it just took a little bit of time is all."

His hand rubbed your shoulders, as he looks down at the ground. "If i asked you to come back here next week, would you?"

You stayed silent, and nodded. You truly felt it right to abide by his request after hearing the softness in his voice.

You walked back with him, and he even gave you a ride back home. Normally you wouldn't trust a stranger so much but this man....Ethan, he was so different. There was something about him that was bringing back warmth....the warmth you lost....

He stopped at a store and picked up a planter, some soil, and helped you replant the rose. Bidding you a temporary goodbye, he leaves.

After just three days, you saw that the rose, which had initially gained a wilt from being removed from it's home and replanted in a foreign matter, it regained its vibrancy as you started to notice new baby leaves sprouting from the stem. The rose itself had wilted, with the petals all fallen, leaving only the bud, yet there were new ones forming near the base. You nurtured it, continued to water it as instructed by Ethan, and watched as it continued to grow. By the end of the week, the rose plant grew a half an inch, and was doing so well. You couldn't lie, it was nice having a plant to greet you whenever you came home, something that relied on you, just as much as you relied on it. You were so eager for those buds to bloom, longing to smell that fragrance once again in the comfort of your own abode.

He came and picked you up, and he walked you over to the exact location where first met. Gently guiding you to the area where he snagged the plant, he points down and shows you, and to your initial disbelief, you swore you felt like crying all over again....but out of pure joy this time. Right at the same spot where the seasoned plant was once at, there in its youthful glory, was a small rose plant forming and growing. The leaves were smaller, yet the form and the small thorns were instantly recognizable.

"No matter what life does....or doesnt do for you....always bloom wherever you're planted." he says.

You look up at wanted to thank him, you wanted to say so much to him but you just didn't even know where to begin. Yet somehow, it was as if he knew, and he nodded as a gesture in letting you know that it was alright, that words weren't necessary, just the soft smile and the vibrancy of your personality coming through was more than enough.

"You know y/n......you laughing.......it makes me happy." he remarks.

"....it does?"

"yeah......."

Walking you back to his car, he tells you.....

................

"So now that you know......dont give up.......for me......."

Authors notes: idk about you, but i feel like buying and raising a rose plant now. I feel like sometimes, when life just feels a bit empty, it always helps to have something that gives us meaning and purpose, like the rose plant did for y/n in this drabble. I feel like for those of us that feel left behind or just useless, its only because our purpose and significance in this world hasn't come to fruition because greatness, takes much more time to mold. that's all. give it time and continue to be healthy, appreciate nature, and treat yourself to a coffee here and there. <3 things will get better ;)

Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️ 

☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow

[fionajames]

*deep inhale*

Hey hey hey!

Sorry that sounded way better in my head. Good morning, since it’s midnight where I am, and I hope you don’t have writers block because that’s the worst thing that could possibly happen!

Anyway, requesting tiiiiiiime! May i pleeeeease have Dhole, your OC, helping out the 501st in a deadly battle with Ahsoka, Rex, Anakin, and any other clone/Jedi you’d want? And May I have angst and maybe a minor injury (no preference who)?

Sorry, I have a thing for the Injury ones since to me it brings out emotions and tension and draws the reader in to make sure they’re okay, you know?

I LOVE YOUR WORK SO MUCH <3 thank you! Sincerely, your grateful follower, Sha. (That’s my name)

family - my oc

OKAY THIS IS MY 2ND TIME TRYNNA POST THIS CAUSE THE FIRST TIME MY COMPUTER KEYBOARD STOPPED WORKING AND SO I SPENT 15 MINS PANICKING ONLY FOR IT TO MAGICALLY START WORKING AGAIN

LET ME START THIS OFF BY SAYING SHA YOU'RE AMAZING AWESOME COOL FANTASTIC SPLENDID SPECTACULAR AND AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! TYSM FOR THE REQEUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

SEE PEOPLE?! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN UR REQUEST! U GET SHOWERED WITH MY LOVE! DONT U WANT THAT LOVE?! THEN REQUEST!!!!!!!!!!! SRSLY!!!!!!

I RLLY ENJOYED WRITING THIS AND THIS IS BY FAR MY LONGEST YET SO AYYAYAYAYA

ALSO THE LAST LINE IS SO EPIC AND EMOTIONAL BUT AS SOON AS I PRESSED FULL STOP - PERIOD FOR THE AMERICANS (I THINK) ITS THIS THING . THAT ONE - THE ORDER 66 EPIC THEME VERSION BY SAMUEL KIM CAME ON AND I HAD TO STOP MYSELF FROM CYRING IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE ZOOM WRITING CLASS

ANYWAYS ENJOY

Dhole glanced at Dice again, who was staring straight ahead at the doors of the gunship. The boy readjusted his hold on his blasters, glancing to his side where Ahsoka was grinning. He and Dice had been sent alongside the 501st and 212th to safely escort a Senator back to Coruscant after his planet had been invaded by the Separatists. Once they’d freed the Senator, the two Corrie’s and a small squad would head home whilst the others and the Jedi continued the fight until the Republic had regained control over the tropical planet.

“Dhole, are you alright?” A voice asked and the red-armoured boy turned to Xi, who was clutching his helmet under his arm, running a hand through his black hair. Dhole went to do the same, entangling his fingers in his mess of curls, tugging wisps down to his eye level to see the red colour he’d dyed the ends. “Brother, are you alright?”

“Ah yes, sorry Xi!” He chirped back, pushing down his nerves and attempting to reconstruct the sunny facade he was slowly slipping out of. Sure, Dhole was a sunny boy, but the longer the war continued on for, the less sunny he was. “Sorry, Xi, just zoned out.”

The older trooper gave him a doubtful glance but nodded. The small Togrutan girl next to Dhole poked his side.

“Dhole, why are you so nervous?” Ahsoka asked quietly, and Dhole inwardly cursed the stupid Force giving her the ability to sense his emotions. 

“I just don’t want anything to go wrong, kid,” he told her with a forced smile. It then melted to a frown as the gunship swayed in the air. “But I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Ahsoka laughed and that helped to at least make Dhole’s shoulders relax a little. “My Master says that all the time!”

“Says what, Vod’ika?” Dhole asked, a smile growing on his face but this one wasn’t fake. 

“‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this,’” she explained. “He says it so much!”

“Really?” Dhole chuckled, before muttering as he put his helmet on. “Maybe he’s right then.”

                                                -

The plan was simple enough to follow and Dhole shouldn’t’ve felt as scared and nervous as he did - nerves swirling around his stomach and making it lurch with every step he took. He watched as the Clones around him started blasting at the enemy, and his heart lurched when Ahsoka ran away from his side - towards the enemy with her green lightsabers blocking blasts.

Dhole moved as his body commanded - away from the heat of the blasts and to cover, where he breathed deeply and blinked away his panicked tears. Why was he so worked up?

“Dhole, focus!” Rex called to him, noticing the robotic movements his brother had adopted and the way his hands were shaking. “Vod’ika, are you alright?” The blonde Clone shuffled closer to the younger, placing an armoured hand on his shoulder. Even though they were both wearing helmets, Dhole could hear Rex’s concern.

“Yes sir!” He chirped back, steadying his voice and accidentally slipping back into the soldier-voice the Kaminoans expected off them. “Sorry sir!”

Rex flinched, frowning at the boy’s language. But he didn’t have time to dwell on it. 

Dhole watched the Captain turn away as he leapt to his feet, expecting his natural battle instincts to kick in. He fired at the enemy - his brothers by his side - but his instincts hadn’t kicked in properly.

A grenade exploded to his side - a white armoured Clone flew past him from the impact of the explosion - as he was thrown to the side. Dhole cried out when a piece of sharp, metal shrapnel cut into his arm - straight through his armour. Someone beside him shouted something, but his vision had tinted with a red haze.

“Fox!” Dhole screamed out instinctively, reaching his good armour up. His instincts howled for his older brother, but he was not there. 

“Dhole!” A voice called, a feminine voice. Ahsoka, his mind gently explained, and he barely heard it over the sound of his own thoughts screaming for his brother. “Rex, medic!”

Dhole felt several tears fall from his eyes - tears of pain that he couldn’t stop - as he reached his hand to Ahsoka, desperate for any feeling of comfort. A hand slipped into his and he squeezed it gently, trying to stop himself from gripping her hand like the lifeline it was.

“Dhole!” A voice screamed and suddenly he felt his body shift unwillingly as someone grabbed him. He screeched in pain and wreathed in the person’s hands. Two hands moved to pull his helmet off. And even though it was red-tinted, Dhole could recognise the familiar - yet unfamiliar in the immense worry that adorned it - face of Dice, the burn scar crinkled with worry. 

The person holding his helmet was his General, whose face was swirling with worry and he was biting his lip in concentration. “Kix is on his way,” the brunette told him, glancing to his Padawan. “Cover him, I’ll continue the fight with Obi-Wan.”

Ahsoka didn’t have time to protest - not that she would have anyway - as her Master leapt to his feet and rejoined the battle. 

Dhole barely noticed anything after that - his vision was too blurry and his limbs were white hot with pain. Kix arrived shortly after and tended to him, but midway through the medical attention, he blacked out. 

                                              -

“Kix!” A voice called and Dhole flinched at the loud, unfamiliar sound. “I believe your trooper is awake!” Is that, Dhole thought. General Kenobi? He opened one eye hesitantly, recoiling from the bright light but getting confirmation about his thoughts from the ginger Jedi hovering above him.

A face appeared in his vision, but it was not a Clone.

“Oh good, you're awake!” General Skywalker told him with a grin. Dhole internally frowned. Since when did the Jetti care so much about me? He thought.

“Dhole!” A voice cried out and the boy flinched as Dice threw his arms around him, encasing him in a hug. Dice was shaking. “You scared me Vod’ika!”

Dhole sunk into his arms numbly, too tired to speak. 

“We were worried you were dead,” General Skywalker explained, and Dhole had to stop himself from raising an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, sir, but why were you worried? I’m just another clone,” Dhole told him and Dice promptly smacked him on the back of the head. Dhole chose to ignore it. 

“You are not just another clone to us,” the General replied, sitting down beside the Clone. “You’ve done some amazing work, Dhole - that’s why you're an ARC Trooper - and your kind as well. You’ve saved our lives many times before, and that's why we chose to get to know you.”

Dhole’s face fell and then was replaced by one of utter shock. His stomach swirled with warmth and a grin broke out over his face, his vision blurring with tears. He lunged forwards and wrapped his arms around the brunette General. 

General Skywalker’s face contorted with shock before he wrapped his arms around the crying Trooper, soothing him by running a hand through his curls gently and playing with the stray wisps. “Shh, it’s alright.” 

“Thank you so so so much, General,” Dhole spluttered out relaxing into the comforting arms of the Jedi. His heart ached with joy as a tear fell from his eye, getting caught in his eyelashes like raindrops do. 

“He’s right, you know,” General Kenobi spoke up as Dhole watched Dice leave the room, seconds later Ahsoka entered. The Togruta waved to him frantically, beaming all the while. “You're not just Clones to us. Your soldiers, men, and you deserve a lot better than what you're getting.”

“You really believe that?” Dhole asked, pulling away from General Skywalker, who gave his back an affectionate pat. 

“Of course!” Ahsoka chipped in, moving to sit beside her friend and drape her arm over his shoulders. “Your our family too, Vod!”

Dhole bit his lip, but he couldn’t stop the tears as they began spilling uncontrollably from his eyes, burying his face in the teenager’s neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,”  General Kenobi chided softly, hand on the Trooper’s back. He was smiling sympathetically, blue eyes shining with truth.

“Yeah, we’re all one great big family!” Anakin laughed, grinning and Dhole couldn’t stop himself from grinning back.

“The Jedi and the Clones,” Dhole chucked. “A formidable family!”

But everyone knows family doesn’t last forever.

I HOPE U GUYS LIKED THAT!!!!!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY OR NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LY!!!!!

[sapphire-weapon]

Talking about her writing... the point to me is that the main theme of the series, bioterrorism, is such a heavy and complex issue, so a moraly grey character would require the same complexity as well and i never felt that the writing staff perceived this in the original timeline. is straight up "oh she is in fact a mercenary, but see, she never really gives the samples to the bad guys even thought we dont explain how the fuck she pays her bills like this and never faced the consequences of betraying this psychos", and that's so fucking boring, nonsense and frustating.

So i'm really glad with remake timeline at least trying to develop some nuances over this, and i kind of understand people like the anon of a few days ago because it's so annoying get her stans just ignoring the fact that why the hell there would be a redemption arc setting like this if she didn't made any mistake.

i mean let's be honest here tho, resident evil has literally never treated bioterrorism as a complex issue. it's very black and white in the RE universe. bioterrorism exists so that we can have the main protagonists do cool action guy shit against big monsters.

but ada does give the samples to the bad guys -- at least, on the occasions that she actually gets them. she would have still given the G-virus to wesker, if she'd had it. you'd also have to believe that she's also gotten other shit for him over the years, considering he actually goes back and contracts her again for the plaga even after she fucked up with G. somewhere in the six years in between, ada "redeemed" herself in wesker's eyes and got back into his good graces.

and she did give not one, but two plaga samples to simmons (the one from RE4 and the one from damnation).

the issue is that we don't know why.

we don't know why she worked for wesker for years and years. we don't know why she gave plagas to simmons. it seems a little counterintuitive, since she gives the samples to these fucking guys and then helps leon clean up the mess that's caused after she hands the shit over.

either she's actually legitimately unintelligent and thinks that simmons isn't going to do anything bad with the plagas (which i do not believe is the case), or she thinks that because simmons is the US's NSA that leon will somehow sniff it out and it'll be fine (which he then doesn't actually do, so that begs the question why she continues to rely on him), or she's been in some way acting under duress this entire time (LOL), or she's literally just in it for the money and has a fucked up "i'll deal with it later" mindset.

the correct answer is:

none of the above, because she's literally just a dragon lady stereotype who's there to look sexy and drag leon around by the libido.

it seems like remake is gearing up to turn her into a character that's like... she's been doing this for so long that she just filters it all out as noise and literally has never had any reason to think about what she's doing any deeper than "do job, get paid" until leon inspires a change of heart in her and she snaps back into reality, but by then it's too late.

which is cool. i hope they follow through with that. because her character makes absolutely no sense on its own in OG in a context divorced from leon.

[1tarot1with1k1o]

Heyy i would love to participate in your game, i dont have any love interest now but i can i have a romantic love from my fs? because i really want to feel the ~romance vibes~ but right now i dont any in my life 😅

Im P and a fun fact i have is that yesterday my neighbor's cat was secretly following me and every time I looked back he stopped, look elsewhere and pretend he wasn't following me lol

Thank you in advance

Hiii~ welcome to the game! Of course you can get messages from your fs <3 I completely understand you hahah

That’s so cute ㅠㅁㅠ cats are truly little angels on earth, I love them a lot. Did you happen to meet the cat again after that day?

Messages from your fs:

- I’m changing my physical world

- our separation is for our growth

- I’m healing!

- I’m sorry

- I want to meet you

- I hid my feelings back then

- things aren’t what they seem

- I feel so positive about you

- I’m following my intuition

- I want to ask you out

- I’m building up the courage

- I’m intimidated by your awesomeness

- I know I need to make the first move

- I’m waiting for the right time

- I worry you would reject me

- I’m overwhelmed with fear

- I want (no I need)* to tell you how I feel

- I’m already planning our date

- I want to surprise you

Okay so, this person definitely didn’t hold back on the messages lol. The notes kept on flying everywhere and my desk was almost completely covered in them. I did a selection because the main theme was becoming repetitive, so I figured I’d pick the ones that felt more “complete” to put it simply. So imagine if I just put everything in O_O…this person surely loves you a lot already hahah. I feel like as of now, they’re telling you that you should see your separation as a way to give yourself space to grow in order to be in a healthy place when you’ll meet. So instead of seeing this period in a negative light, you could try to look at it from that perspective in order to cheer yourself up. I think they know the struggle of having to wait for someone so meaningful, so they want to help you manage it better even if only from a distance, for now. For the meeting environment, I did see something more resembling a work environment, to be honest with you. I kept seeing an office and cubicles in a building. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be working there, or at least not long term? It can be even just an internship or a job you’ll pick up for a while and then leave. It would make sense with the sense of urgency I felt from your person “like oh I don’t know when or if I’ll see them again, once they leave, so I gotta get it together quickly”. It could also be the same place that you’ll visit occasionally. Like a bank or the post office, just to make a few random examples. But I mostly saw your fs being a coworker or someone you interact with/share a space with. While channeling, it felt like they were telling you to not misunderstand them, since looking at their actions it may seem as if they’re completely uninterested in you or that they may even dislike you. But they made it clear that it’s only because they feel intimidated by how awesome they think you are. It’s like a “how can I dare even breathe near you” vibe hahahah. They know very well that they have to make a move or they’ll regret it for the rest of their lives. They may take a while to build the courage to get close to you, but rest assured that they will. *The note I got literally said “I want to tell you how I feel” and in my head they went “no no no, I NEED to tell them how I feel!” in a sort of panicked but very resolute way. They give me huge golden retriever vibes, it’s so adorable ㅠ^ㅠ I feel like they may daydream a lot about what it would be like to take you out on a date, almost immediately. Something like from the second/third time they see you, they just KNOW already. They may wanna plan the perfect date for you, in hopes to make you live out a dream. They want to create a memory that will last forever for the both of you. During the channeling I randomly remembered about the quote “I will find you in every single lifetime”. And I almost cried ngl. They have an incredibly pure soul. May have an unexpected backstory. I feel like there probably was a lot they had to go through early on, but they’re one of those people that just kept getting kinder and kinder as they faced each struggle. So you could never imagine all of the hardships they went through. Very healthy and strong personality. Little side note (it can be a sensitive topic so take it VERY lightly). I don’t know if you plan/want to have a family in the future, but I see that this person may want one with you. One thing the guides told me, is that if at some point you may face difficulties in creating one, rest assured that you will manage to build a family. I felt like one of you, or especially you, may happen to be infertile, but that issue WILL be resolved so don’t worry about anything, and just try to embrace the journey as best as you can. Because everything will turn out to be okay <3. Again, take especially this last part as it resonates. Even if it may not make sense at all now, it may turn out to be a situation you may face one day. But what matters the most, is to remember that you are safe, and that the universe is on your side. So don’t worry because you’ll be always looked after.

Channeled song from your fs:

(The translation to “that’s also our love” - Nerd Connection. The lyrics may not be super accurate because I had to use google translate for this, and my brain is too fried to check haha)

Whew okay that was it. It’s…a lot hahah. Maybe it’s because it’s the first channeling that I did in a very long time, or maybe your person was more than happy to jump into the conversation, or maybe even a little bit of both. But yeah, the messages kept flowing in, and I felt like I had a constant rap battle going on in my head while doing this channeling. I definitely enjoyed it tho!

So thank you for giving me the opportunity to reconnect to my craft by participating in the game. I wish you lots of great things, and I hope to hear from you again soon! Warm wishes <333

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Carpe Diem - Chapter 6

Pairing: Sketchbook (Kaisa/Johanna)

Summary: Carpe diem: one of the five latim mottos of the arcadist, or neoclassical movement. Literally translates to "seize the day"

Picking up where Locus Amoenus left off, this fic follows the lives of Kaisa and Johanna for a couple weeks as their feelings grow and develop. Updated weekly (hiatus is over!!)

Notes: I’m sorry, but I just can’t bring myself to name a human “Alfur” 😭😭 so Alfred it is, I hope it’s not too weird

Exclusive real life picture of Kaisa and Victoria talking: https://itsinkwell.tumblr.com/post/691989113483788288/has-this-been-done-yet

Read it on ao3 or read the first installment on this verse or read the second installment on this verse  

Texting while walking was an art.

It was, unfortunately, not one that Kaisa mastered.

Can you meet me in the stems cafe?, she wrote as she made her way out of her lecture room, trying and failing to dodge the swarms of students still tired from the weekend while she did so.

Her phone beeped in a few short seconds, and still moving, she read the notification on her locked screen.

Vic Van Gay:“rn?”

“If you’re free, yeah.”

“k, meet me in 5” 

Kaisa put her phone away in her pocket again, making not the usual path she traced towards the front exit on Monday afternoons, but taking a turn at the corridor that would lead her down the stairs where she could head to the STEMs buildings. Before she got much further, the phone buzzed again.

Vic Van Gay: dont u want to go to your cafe though? im not too close to either so its all the same to me

Her reply was a brief ‘No.’, though she didn’t tell her the reasons. She wouldn’t need to, anyway, as soon as she filled Victoria in on what was going on she’d understand why Kaisa didn’t want to have that conversation somewhere she could find acquaintances at.

She climbed down the stairs, arriving at the ground floor where she was greeted by the sight of the humanities garden; it was just the sort of thing she didn’t need to have to deal with right now.

As if to add insult to injury, an all too familiar face was there, on one of the stone benches that surrounded the garden. Johanna was talking to someone else who Kaisa didn’t recognize, a man with tidy blond hair. Given that he had his back to her, Kaisa couldn’t make out any of his features, but even sitting down the guy looked so tiny she was willing to bet he was shorter than even her. Looking at him standing side by side with Johanna must be hilarious, she thought.

Even though her instinct told her to not be bold and avoid giving herself any chances to say something weird, or stupid, or even worse, <em>honest</em>, Kaisa couldn’t help trying to catch Johanna’s eye as she walked by and giving her a smile and a little wave of her hand that wasn’t holding her notebook. That turned out to be a mistake, because as soon as Johanna’s face turned from her companion to Kaisa, the polite and pensive expression on her face melted into a shining smile, and she gestured for her to come closer.

Kaisa had been helpless to do anything but, of course, and soon was being introduced to ‘Alfred’, who she learned was a friend of Johanna’s and an International Relationships major. When she tried to excuse herself as politely as she could, Johanna allowed her to go easily after a warm squeeze of her hand and a confirmation that they’d do their weekly meeting the following day.

As she walked away from that interaction, Kaisa felt the need to let her hair fall around her face to hide her glowing blush. This was ridiculous. She wasn’t a teenager anymore, but no part of her treacherous body seemed to be aware of that, least of all her heart. The more she interacted with Johanna, the further she felt herself fall.

Since they began talking more and Kaisa had started seeing her more like a person than another student she needed to outperform, paying attention to her had been a direct road to becoming fascinated with Johanna. Everything about her was a wonder, especially how out of so many people, she chose to be around her.

It wasn’t even only spending time with her. It had taken her a while to notice, but now that she did it was stark clear that Johanna wasn’t as bright with other people as she was with her. There was something melancholic just beneath her skin, something that she now knew the roots of, but still it never stopped Johanna from having fun and showing the people around her her love and appreciation. She wasn’t all bright smiles and cheerful comments all the time, even if she was still mostly so around Kaisa (or maybe that was just Kaisa’s rose-tinted, heart shaped glasses). Even if she couldn’t control being happy all the time, she could control whether to show affection and warmth to those around her however she could, so she always chose to.

Kaisa had thought Johanna was summer, when in fact, she was autumn. Her contact name on Kaisa’s cellphone still read ‘Golden’, but rather than feeling inaccurate or simplistic, it felt truer than ever now that she’d peeled more layers from the girl than she would ever have imagined she would. She wasn’t a golden retriever, but she was definitely golden. A golden sunset. The golden leaves on the trees. Golden honey on a sugary pastry. Golden flames on a fireplace. The golden, liquid warmth that took over Kaisa’s chest whenever she was near. 

Shit, she was really deep in this.

                                                    ……… 

When Victoria arrived at the cafeteria situated just outside the Physics and Mathematics building, Kaisa had already grabbed them a table, and was eating out of a bag of chips while she read over the notes she’d taken from her earlier lecture.

“You know you’ll probably get more nutrients if you throw all the chips in the bin and eat the package, right?” Was how she announced her arrival when she’d stopped right by Kaisa’s side and the girl still hadn’t acknowledged her presence.

“Bold of you to assume I’m making an effort to survive any longer.”

“Oh, same.” Victoria dug into the packet and grabbed a fistful of the snacks, then moving to sit down right in front of her. “So, what’s this surprise meeting about?”

No time for exchanging meaningless niceties between them. They were both terrible with small talk, so it was usually much easier to just cut to the point.

“Breathe a word of this to anyone and I’ll personally kill you, but…” If the ending of that sentence had been any different, Victoria would have protested about being pointlessly threatened when Kaisa had been the one to call her here in the first place, but she didn’t have the chance, because the next words she heard were enough to freeze her. “There's this girl. I think I like her.”

The professor could do nothing other than stare at her for a beat, only realising that she’d opened her mouth in surprise when Kaisa’s face started looking annoyed. It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought Kaisa was capable of it or anything, it was just that at their third year of friendship, Victoria had already lost hope that she would do age appropriate things, like acting like a stupid college student for once.

“Well, make a move!” She exclaimed, raising her hands in pleading once she processed this new development. “What are you waiting for?”

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” The paper package in which her straw had been was being ripped into constantly smaller pieces by Kaisa’s uneasy hands. “We have something nice between us. I don’t want to spoil it.”

Saying it was ‘nice’ was the understatement of the century. It was probably the best thing that Kaisa had ever had in her life that wasn’t her family. And even then, Johanna was each day closer to her mother and sister in the podium of her heart. It was weird, it hadn’t been long since they met but it already felt like she was family too.

“I mean,” Victoria said after chewing on a mouthful of her stolen chips. “If you’re respectful, and she really is your friend, admitting you have feelings for her won’t end the friendship if she doesn’t return your feelings.”

Kaisa wished it were an ‘if’ problem. Even if Johanna had been kind enough to befriend her and seemed to, for some reason, actually enjoy her company, there was no way in this world or in any other that she’d feel the same. Johanna was just on a whole other level, and even if she didn’t act like she was superior, certainly she had to be aware of it. After all that they had shared with each other, she didn’t have any doubts that Johanna would let her down slowly, and would be oh-so-kind about it if she ever were foolish enough to confess. But in the end, there was no way to know if she really wouldn’t make Johanna uncomfortable in the process, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to stand that. What if she decided she didn’t want a friendship where she had to constantly worry about the nature of the other person’s feelings? Kaisa could say all of this, but instead she chose to raise her eyebrows and use her bitchiest tone of voice.

“Is that why you’re still pining silently for Birgitta?”

Victoria gasped in indignation, bringing her palm (the one that wasn’t still holding chips) down on the table. “That’s totally different! We’re colleagues, it would be too awkward afterwards!”

“Yeah, right.” Rolling her eyes fondly, Kaisa thought about how it was just fair that Victoria would have to stand her lovestruck self now, after she’d had to read through so many self pitying texts about not being able to go after the woman Victoria liked. “Birgitta sounds like she’s too good for you, anyway.”

“Gosh, you’re such a jerk. I don’t even know why I try to help you. You’re lucky I don’t grade anything of yours.”

Making some strands of her hair stick out in odd angles after running a hand through it, Kaisa sighed.

“Am I, though? I’m having the most stressful time at a seminar. The one I met this girl in, actually. No matter what I do, the professor refuses to give me a full grade on my essays.” She saw Victoria give her an exasperated look, and added. “And I know it’s not one of those professors who never gives a ten, there are other students who are getting them.”

“Oh, really?” Even if she probably wouldn’t know any professor from outside of the STEMs division of the university, Victoria decided it was probably the polite thing to ask. Besides, gossip travelled far sometimes. Maybe the name would be related to some other, random piece of information she’d acquired by chance. “Who is that?”

“Professor Abigail Lyman, English department.”

Pensively, Victoria nodded. She knew fully well that Kaisa had no need for perfect scores on every subject all the time like the girl seemed to think, but something else had caught her attention. Just after she befriended Kaisa in her freshman year, she’d done her best to try and find the culprit for spreading those awful rumours about her, and had come up empty handed. But in her research about the board of evaluators who dealt with the matter of student scholarships, she was certain she’d come across that surname. This could be just a case of Kaisa stressing too much after a discipline that wasn’t supposed to be aced either way. But it could also be that she herself had unknowingly given Victoria a clue.

Either way, there was nothing she could do with that supposition right at that moment, so their conversation turned to other topics. It turned out neither of them did much outside of stressing about that university, so the dialogue was a constant positive feedback loop of hating academia and lesbian longing. The infallible sign of a worthwhile friendship.

Before long, they had to come to terms that they had more to do in their lives other than lounge around in the cafeteria eating questionable food. Victoria had to go back to her underfunded lab and Kaisa had a long walk home before she could revise her subjects and do other normal person things, like taking a bath and scrolling mindlessly through tumblr until she realised she’d have to stay up until midnight if she wanted to hit her daily study goals.

The girl scrunched her chips packet into a ball and threw it in the bin along with her cold hibiscus tea bottle, while her friend picked up the coffee stained cup that she ordered at one point and put it by the counter for one of the workers to take back to the kitchen.

As they were leaving, a melody Kaisa had come to recognize began playing on the speakers. She’d blocked out the music coming from them during their stay, choosing to ignore it, but this one was too familiar for it to not register on her mind. It was a melancholic, electronic melody, and the first words came shortly.

It only hurts this much right now

Was what I was thinking

The whole time…

It was all she could do to bite back a grunt while they were paying for what they had consumed. This was one of the songs in the considerably sized list of music she’d been listening to nonstop simply because Johanna liked them, and they reminded Kaisa of her. 

Well, not simply that. Since Saturday Labyrinth had been constantly on her headphones for the insufferable reason that it now struck too close to her heart. She left the cafeteria behind with wide and confident steps, but the song stayed with her no matter what she did to try and shake it off, taunting her and seemingly permeating the very air around her so that it was breathed into her lungs, and then found its way to her heart.

Uh oh, I’m falling in love

On no, I’m falling in love

Again…