#and honestly. i wish i had been a better friend. because theres not much i can do now. except hope she can save herself.

[yutamayo]

Do you think Geto Suguru deserved better friends?

Geto Suguru deserves the moon and the stars.

In relation to your question though, I think he had the great friends he deserved, but they just hadn't grown up in time to realize that friendship can't heal everything.

I think they tried their best with Geto, or felt they had at the time. They all had fun together, faced horrors, and grew together; but the mentality of "we can do anything" was a double edged sword.

For example, Gojo said "we're the strongest." The hope and naivete they all had in their ability to keep moving forward stopped them from ever imagining their friend could succumb to all the pain. I'm not blaming Geto in any way, but nobody is a mind reader. He wasn't well and it showed, but he did hide the majority of it from the people who would have helped him (if he had asked the right ones). I don't think he wanted to show weakness, a.k.a his wavering faith in the Jujutsu way, and I think that's why he asked the older sorcerer about his dark thoughts instead of his close friends. He saw them as they saw themselves; strong enough to overcome anything. And I believe they felt he saw himself that way too.

They had too much faith in strength because I know, even when noticing his struggles, they likely believed he'd get through it. He always had, until he didn't.

I don't think believing someone can get through struggle makes you a bad friend, and I wouldn't say they didn't try hard enough to notice the signs because at that point, they had too much faith. They all thought they were in it together.

Obviously we could say looking back, "Why didn't you keep asking him what was wrong, even though he answered 'nothing' the first time." But life, and friendship, isn't that simple. Unfortunately most people only learn to push past the face value of the people they love, when they've learned from previous misfortunes. And sadly, they had to learn that from Geto's downfall. What he did wasn't something they could recover from, obviously, so there was no, "Let's work on this."

It was just like every other shock, like when a friend commits suicide and you look back thinking, "I didn't know it was that bad."

On top of the fact they were distracted by life & death situations every day/basically saving the world, and alongside the fact I don't believe anything like that had happened with a Jujutsu Sorcerer before Geto, they just didn't think it was a possibility.

I get that, and I feel that anyone who says they don't, is lying to themselves.

That's why people remind others to check in on their friends. Like, really check in. Sometimes, we have too much faith in our loved ones strengths.

He had amazing friends, and I only wish they had been given the opportunity to express their pain more. If anything, I blame the leaders and higher-ups at JJHigh. They definitely didn't have enough mental/emotional supports for the literal teenagers thrown into that kind of world, and I could never blame those kids for not understanding the consequences of carrying that weight until they were forced to face them.

It reminds me of a quote I love;

-

I'm sorry I keep saying, how are you? When I really mean, are you happy? - Ocean Vuong

-

I know this is an anime post but, check in on your loved ones, please.

And ask twice.

[sonknuxadow]

they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it

[miserable-sarah]

The Date

Pairings: Sam x Reader warnings: None Requested: Hello! Your fanfics are sensational and I get lost in your stories, especially Sam's. I would like to ask for a story inspired by dandelions song between Sam Winchester x reader, very cute and romantic.

~

You look at yourself in the mirror for the 10th time, you fix your dress, you fluff your hair, you stand there and practice your smile. You don't like the way your hair looks, you think your make up could look better. You sigh and flop on the bed.

"You look fine!" Cas whines. You have him 'trapped' in your room so he can tell you if you need to change anything but he's getting annoyed because you don't believe him anyway.

"Sam told me to dress nice." You tell Cas, you sigh again getting off the bed. Cas grabs your hands.

"Y/n, you look perfect. I promise."

"Thanks Cas." You smile at him "You can leave if you want." You giggle. Cas leaves the room, you look at yourself again and take a deep breath. You're not sure what Sam has planned your dates are usually casual sometimes when it's an important date they're a little fancier. You walk downstairs, you see Dean and Cas sitting down at the table talking about whatever.

"You look great!" Dean says smiling.

"Did Cas tell you to say that?" You smirk at him.

"Wh-what!? Of course not!" Dean chuckles

"Okay." You tease "Thank you."

"Sam gave me this." Dean hands you a letter, you look at it confused and open it. 'Meet me at the first spot I laid eyes on you.' You smiled to yourself knowing where to go.

"I'll take you." Dean says hoping out of his chair walking up the stairs, you follow behind him.

"We have to go to the beach." You say getting butterflies. "So, what's he planning?" You ask Dean. You know Sam is up to something and you know Dean knows.

"I don't know." Dean says quickly not moving his eyes from the road.

"Dean.. I know you know."

"No, no I don't." He says matter of factly.

"you're not going to tell me?"

"I wouldn't even be able to if I wanted because I don't know."

"Fine." You cross your arms. You're not against surprises you love them, it's just you're so nervous and you don't know why. Sam is the best boyfriend you've ever had, he cares for you deeply, he pays attention, he helps you when you're down, he cheers you up, he makes your days so much brighter, he is your forever. You honestly don't know where you'd be without which scares you but makes you feel safer with him. You know he would never do anything to hurt you. You can't believe how lucky you got, someone was listening to your wishes.

"We're here." Dean stops with a huge smile. When you get out of the car your body is shaking you're so nervous. You don't even know why. You can see lights lighting up the walkway, you smile at how beautiful they are. You slowly walk down a few stairs and walk on the path, you see rose petals spread out everywhere, you can't help the big smile on your face, your heart is pounding in your ears.

You see Sam standing by the beach with flowers in his hand, theres a table set up in the sand with champagne waiting to be popped. You can hear Dandelions by Ruth B. being played in the background. You smile and walk towards him.

(Song)

"Sam, this is wow." You say not even having words. You gasp loudly when you see Sam get down on one knee.

"Y/n Y/L/N" He starts, he pulls out a little black box "I saw you here 2 years ago, the moment I saw you I knew I wanted you to be mine. I knew I had to have you. I got so shy walking up to you I stuttered just saying hello." You both giggle. "The look in your eyes when you saw me, it was nothing I've ever seen. From that day we've been best friends, unfortunately I was scared because of my job and that held me back, but you reassured me you'd be fine by tactling me to the ground." You laugh again. "And at that moment I knew I wanted you for the rest of my life, I knew you were the one for me, I knew I'd be forever happy with you in my life so," He opens the box revealing a beautiful ring inside. "Y/n, will you please marry me?"

Your hand is covering your mouth, you have tears flowing down your cheeks. "Yes! Yes!" You squeal with excitement. Same carefully places the ring on your finger you can hear Dean and Cas cheering in the background, he hugs you tightly swirling you around.

"I can't believe we're engaged!" You kiss him, he kisses you back passionately. "I love you so much, Sam."

"I love you more than words can describe." Sam pops the champagne and hands you a glass. "To the future Mrs. Winchester!" Dean joins in on the toast. You smile to yourself just think how lucky you really are. You are going to marry Sam Winchester.

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Guess Who's back ✨

Anyways..What would Jeff be like if he found out Reader was pregnant?

AGHHH I LOVE GETTING TO WRITE FOR DOMESTIC SITUATIONS!!

Weddings, babies, moving in together i love it all 💗

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeff finding out you're pregnant

Jeff has always been firm on the notion that he does not want kids

He thinks kids are annoying and gross and stinky

And there's also some insecurity of him not being able to be a good dad, considering his job, his upbringing, even his appearance

All around, kids are a firm no for him

So when you begin experiencing morning sickness he kind of just denies the very possibility that you could even get pregnant

But you, being at least a little more reasonable than him, decides its better safe than sorry and goes out to buy a test

When you get back, you inform him that you're gonna take the test just to be sure to which he straight up laughs

"You won't need it, because I can tell you right now you're not pregnant"

And so, after a few minutes of waiting anxiously after taking the test, you look at the results and see....a positive

A hand goes to your stomach, the tears already streaming down your face

Jeff, who decided he would wait with you snatches the test and does several takes

He's honestly just speechless, he didn't even really think he could get anyone pregnant, which may have just been wishful thinking on his part

He looks at you, and you look at him

Your face is one of pure joy, and his is a mix of confusion, fear and disgust

"We aren't keeping it, right?" He asks after looking at your face for a while

You frown and smack his arm "jeff! How could you even suggest that?!"

"We aren't prepared for a kid! We've never even talked about it! Not to mention, what kind of life would that kid have?? Growing up in a house full of murderers and monsters, the kid's guaranteed to be fucked in the head!"

"You aren't even going to give this a chance?" You ask frustratedly "you created this with me, you know! The least you could do is take responsibility!"

He groans and storms out of the room, leaving you to cry alone

When he gets back he is less angry, and clearly just got done "blowing off some steam" made clear by the fresh blood on his hoodie

You aren't crying anymore, he comes into the room and sighs before sitting with you on your bed

You are both very quiet for a while, just sitting together

He finally speaks, but he doesn't look at you. He couldn't bear to

"I love you, you know? I just get....i just feel really scared right now because I don't know what to do. I'm not in control and that scares me"

You look at him and place a hand on his cheek "if you wanna get rid of it, then we can discuss our options?" You offer

He shakes his head "i dont wanna get rid of it....i just...i don't want to mess this up, you know?"

You scoot closer to him and lay your head on his shoulder "you won't mess it up..." you look at your stomach and then grab his hand and place it on your lower belly "if you love this baby as much as you love me, theres no way you could" you say looking up at him with a smile

He looks at your stomach and then at you "im still so, so scared" he whispers to you "i dont know anything"

You kiss his nose and press your forehead to his "it's ok. We'll learn together"

He smiles "ok"

After that first whole fight, he actually gets pretty excited about the baby!

You manage to pay slender to get a room that you can make into a nursery, and announce the news to your close friends

Jeff is always buying things for the baby. Toys, clothes, blankets, etc

He also loves to talk to the baby, telling your little one all about the day that he had and how much he loves them

He's still hates kids, but his kid is amazing

(Also authors note i wanna write more general preganancy hcs for jeff bc hes so silly)

[robotnuts]

heres my bitching post sorry

the main thing i didnt like was how they treated grif's character. he was so angry and i feel like some of his character got leeched out to simmons. for a season that tried to call back so much to the original, that even tried to even out the great destroyer plotline from BGC that didn't make any sense, i wish they handled grif's character with more care. like a red team member manipulating sarge to do what they want is GRIF'S mo, not simmons, and i wish grif had been the one to rally and convince sarge to come help caboose instead of simmons. i feel like the grimmons breakup was the emotional scene that hit the least for me i didnt cry about it i only started crying when the credits rolled, and thats because grif felt pretty ooc for me. which sucks as a grifhead but what can you do

similarly theres kind of a weird abuse apologia thing going on where its like. im fine with how sarge treats grif because it's so clearly like water off a duck's back and grif just manipulates sarge to get his way and rolls his eyes at him and doesnt give a fuck throguhout seasons 1-10, i can take it just as a fictionalized comedy duo that isn't taking itself seriously and grif isn't actually 1:1 like a soldier being abused by his superior irl. and then shisno had the problem of making grif go "actually this really hurts my self esteem and makes me feel bad" and makes you retroactively view their dynamic in a different light. this isnt as bad as shisno, but having sarge say "i was only hard on you because i wanted to push you to be better" made me like :/ because. yknow. if we're taking it seriously, the fact that sarge was "psuhing" grif doesnt make his treatment okay. what makes his treatment okay is that theyre wacky halo man characters and obviosuly there has to be a crazy sargeant character and its not really bothering grif that much. but :/ very minor but i thoguht id mention it

um um um. tex coming back was incredible and made me scream i knew she was gonna come back i was spoiled but i didnt expect how theyd do it. really good. they got me again with the fucking chex at the end of course they did!!!!!!!!

oh right biching. um. what the fuck was going on with wash honestly LMAO like him having his fuckign DID and talkign about his memory issues was completely made for me but his role in this season was so funny and strange WHY DOES HE HAVE A DOC TULPA OH MY GODDDD. like in my ideal world of a final season it absoltuely would have had a more filled out cast and wash and carolina woul dhave been part of the reds and blues the whole time because i want this to be my sitcom where everyone is friends forever but like. I do understand why burnie wanted to take down the cast to sarge/grif/simmons/caboose as the original four founders (rip joel LMAO).

also the stuff with tucker was so scary !!! ahhhHhh why did they send him to time prison for 10 years AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!

idk ill also update this post with stuff that i loved it was really funny and i did like it overall, i need to watch it again i was tipsy/drunk for most of it and also talking about it irl so i missed some bits that my friends went crazy for and i need to watch the commentary. its not all bitching thats just waht sticks in my mind easier. god that campfire scene with the barenaked ladies song i was CRYINGGGG. it obviously felt short/rushed or whatever but like. ugh. its just a potential possible future anyways you guys KNOW in my head all the reds and blues are together on chorus forever and ever always doing their bits. i really am just glad we got more of it to watch together and got to get on burnie's wild ride one last time. thank you

[fictionfixations]

honestly so happy that its easier to grind in hsr then genshin cause im actually able to properly build my characters instead of whatever mess i had in that game (i got the right artifacts but trying to get materials for anything was a bit of a pain to me)

also that the resin (i dont know what its called in this game im using genshin terms) can like. overflow into this other thing??? is. so helpful. (i stopped playing at one point so i just came back to both being full. and then when i realized what it actually did it was a godsend because it made it so much easier to fully commit to grinding. i know in genshin you can make the resin this little thing? condensed?? but thats a thing you have to do yourself i think)

all im missing is leveling up the lightcones and traces

and im only missing the traces because i already used up weekly bosses. THATS IT.

robin and ratio have the same boss material so all i have to do then is get the other resources which isnt actually that hard (ill only have an issue if i cant material synthesis or exchange or whatever since i need to do it for the robin stuff that you get from enemies that can ambush you, i dont know what you refer to them as, but cause i havent unlocked penacony yet lol)

and the only lightcones that might give me issue is because highlighted is penacony material stuff

(yes i put final victor on ratio LMFAO)

so YEAHH i feel like im doing pretty good in that department. also ive caught up to penaconys story i just havent started in-game because i wanted to see where it all leads up to and then go back to see all the foreshadowing and get a better understanding of what happened since it also confused me, so im waiting for a time i can just sit there for countless hours and focus. i even switched to eng vas so i dont end up misreading something

(anyway i only got to trying to max out my characters as much as i can until i can level them higher because before i got stuck on so many quests that required a fight 😭, yanqing, argenti, i hate battling you oh my god)

actually on that topic everyones relics arent fully maxed out.

ive only been leveling this cause 5 star dan heng is my main damage dealer

and the healer because im fucked without them (its natasha, but im open to changing it if i find a better healer or shield 🙏)

on that topic:

i returned to honkai star rail because aventurine. i focused on the story because aventurine. (got spoiled his story, realized 'what the fuck hes cool i like him' and watched someone go through the story) i came back in time for his banner but you know what? i had like zero wishing stuff because id stopped playing so i missed out unfortunately

i have friends who have aventurine as like one of the support characteres thingy tho? like the the where you can get support from other peoples characters

so thats been fun. but also auto is kind of bad with aventurine. or maybe because it thinks 'oh theres already a shield, so i wont e' which is pain. on the other hand actually playing instead of having it on auto is fun with aventurine. i like planning around it and thinking of who to have use their skills while keeping in mind when i should have him refresh his shield. i cant explain to you how it hurts seeing hp missing with a shield around it because i cant do anything about it (im the type of person who likes to keep my characters hp full ngl)

probably not the best decision to want shield over a healer but. i can make it work. maybe. i just want aventurine ok. (except for phantylia who as far as im aware is the only one who can just TAKE hp like that? without even affecting shields???)

[meruz]

hello! i'm a big fan of your work! i noticed youre a risd alumnus, and i just wanted to ask: as someone currently working in the animation industry, how was your experience with risd? i'm having to choose between risd and a school that's popular specifically for animation, and was wondering if you might have any info that could help.

thank you, i hope this ask isn't any bother!

ooh I actually love this question because theres SO MUCH I wish I knew about the RISD animation program ahead of time and I'd love to give people a better idea than the one I had going in LOL. disclaimer that because I went a while ago (a whole class of college students have come and gone since I've graduated!) some of this info may be outdated. also this is purely my personal experience. BUT hopefully it helps

I want to say upfront that I loved my experience at RISD. I attended from the years 2013-2017. Like all private art colleges it was way too expensive (worth noting I had a significant need-based scholarship) but I worked my ass off and I learned a lot about art and I made friends there that I wouldn't trade for the world. As far as an art school experience goes I would tentatively say it was "worth it". However, I went in as a freshman hoping to major in animation and I came out with a BFA in illustration and this is a large part of why: RISD doesn’t have a good animation program for those looking to go into commercial animation. And I don’t think this is a grand statement like I think most of my fellow alum and teachers would agree. The thing is it’s kind of intentional LOL?? And the keyword here of course is “commercial”. Culturally, RISD is kind of a fine arts school first and I wouldn’t say they’re hostile towards industry work but it’s more often treated as secondary or like something unfortunate/dirty you have to do to make money so you can focus more on your “true art”. I have a tweet about this that went semi-viral a while ago actually…

I’m not gonna say everyone at RISD thinks this but it’s pretty prevalent. I'm honestly not outside the opinion lol. You can call it integrity or pretentiousness or whatever but without going into whether this is good or bad it really orients the curriculum and priorities of the school. It’s hearsay so take it with a grain of salt but I’ve heard that on occasions where RISD has been offered opportunities or partnerships to make the school into a pipeline for big studios (like making work specifically to cater to those places and funnel students through the door right after school) they’ve always stuck to their guns and said no to preserve their independence. 

The animation program at RISD is actually called FAV (sometimes stylized as F/A/V) for Film Animation Video and is… as one would guess..a mishmash of animation, film, and experimental video. Multimedia, experimental work is highly encouraged and overall the work and structure is a lot more geared towards submitting independent short films to film and animation festivals than it is towards building a portfolio to secure industry or client work. I didn’t major in FAV but I was on the FAV thesis track for about 3 years and I’d say the amount of help I had making an animation industry portfolio from my experience with FAV classes is close to none. At least for the thesis program we were never required or even asked to do anything such as design character turnarounds, bg designs or paint, even storyboards. And to be fair a lot of that pre-prod work that fills industry portfolios is a necessity of large commercial crews that need to coordinate over disparate departments and studios, not so much for independent single-animator projects. 

But as a result, a lot of RISD students with ambitions to go into animation/video games/ entertainment industry art in general actually major in illustration. Myself included. It’s not a perfect 1:1 match and even within the department there’s conflict as to whether there should be more of a focus on traditional editorial illustration or otherwise but it’s one of the broadest majors at RISD because past sophomore year it’s 100% electives and there’s more classes oriented towards technical drawing and painting skill, concept, story, and communication for client work in a very all of which funnel rather neatly into commercial animation. It’s also a good route for exploring your options like if you’re stuck between wanting to do children’s books, TCG paintings, and comic books you can explore all those at more or less the same time. The downside to this is that in order to get what you want you really have to build your own curriculum. I definitely think it rewards the proactive.

So while nothing at RISD got me to build an animation portfolio I took a lot of classes that I think were fundamental to developing those skills. Ie I did actually take a storyboarding elective, painting classes that focused on color, illustration concepts classes that formed critical thinking and seeing, a sculpting class that trained anatomy and 3d construction skills, Barbara Meier teaches a 3D animation class at Brown that RISD students can cross-enroll at that’s pretty good? None of these are substitutes for a holistic animation curriculum but I think the education I did get was a lot broader and just as personally fulfilling. At the end of the day, I'm glad I wasn't so focused on animation that I was still able to explore illustration, comics, painting and sculpture. I led a student club that coordinated Brown and RISD students to work together and make video games every semester! I take the skills I picked up from these things into my animation career all the time.

Also the nice thing about animation jobs in the U.S. is that you don’t actually need to have animated a whole kickass industry-standard short film to be hireable. The pipeline is so compartmentalized and jobs so specialized that bg designers really just need to be good at environmental perspective and linework, and bg painters don’t even need to worry about that they can just be good at color and light. And almost no one at least in the U.S. animation industry actually needs to know how to animate LOL. Am I being reductive? Am I downing a heavy dose of copium for going to the school that I did? Who knows. Midway through my freshman year I was seriously considering transferring to a school with a better animation curriculum but I never completed those applications because I took a class during the winter semester called Science-Fiction Fantasy Illustration and midway between designing shitty aliens and my new best friends falling asleep on me during a 2001 Space Odyssey screening I was like. This isn’t so bad. Anyways, it turned out ok, we all have jobs now. 

All that aside, Providence is a beautiful little city. There’s an arts and alternative culture there that feels completely different from those in places like NYC and LA. Chris Van Allsburg the writer/illustrator of Jumanji and The Polar Express was a RISD illustration alum and he based a lot of the imagery of Santa's Village off of Providence. This drawing I did is literally a view from Benefit st that I would walk from my off-campus housing to campus everyday:

There’s a lot of stuff that goes into whether a school, or any school, is the right fit for you. Sorry for rambling but I tried to answer this quick because ik college decisions can be time sensitive. Good luck with your decision making!

[markatoto]

you're one of the few of my fav streamers i actually get to watch live due to timezones which i appreciate you for. but, i also wish you'd treat yourself better and end your streams earlier

i super appreciate this anon, this is definitely very very real. i actually had a discussion about this to my friends late last night concerning my workload of streams and the particularly unhealthy habits ive developed as a (for lack of better term) "endurance" streamer. it's tough because it is like... my main source of income, so i do often find that i have to stream A LOT in order to make ends meat. most times i find that when i am streaming for like 7 hours+ i am just Having Fun with the game im playing and i tend to lose track of time, but if you notice that the past several weeks theres been a noticeable uptick of my streaming days since late august-early september. i'm going to speak real here so be fore-warned: i do not make a lot of money as a streamer. i dont think anyone does. in today's climate, i am making Just Enough to pay my bills, rent, and groceries. as long as that minimum threshold is being met, im usually quite happy to continue on with what i do. however, for me, entertaining people online with funny streams has never been about the monetary value of it all. since day ONE, it's never been. but, speaking as an adult who lives alone in a big city, it's also an unfortunate reality that i have to bring to the forefront. it's why the rent/bills tip bar is on the screen so often. honestly, it kind of bums me out to bring it to the forefront so often, but that's a conversation for another day. however, i am definitely afraid that if i am not Streaming Enough, then i won't be able to make my monthly rent and bills. that is not to say that i dont enjoy streaming or that i am unhappy with my current schedule (quite the opposite, i love streaming a little TOO much LOL) - every day i thank the stars in the sky that i get to do what i REALLY want to do in this day and age. but, i guess the problem i'm having is just striking that balance. i really dont give myself a lot of time for a break and, to say that i am on the cusp of burning out is... not to far off from the truth. i do want to make it abundantly clear however: i am currently NOT in burn out mode, but i'm sure the worry is that i will eventually reach that point sooner than later, yeah? anyways, just a couple of thoughts to think about while i write out this whole thing. i'm okay, i will be doing okay, and for the foreseeable future, i will be fine. if anything, if you are worried: the best thing yall could do is just show up for the streams and have fun! that's all i could ever ask. as long as youre having fun, thats all that matters to me. if you laughed and clapped and enjoyed yourselves in any of the stuff i do, then i super appreciate that! thank you!

[harrystylesfan2686]

After All

Pairing: Harry x Reader

Summary: Reader and Harry were best friends but something happens between them which causes them to break up. What will it be like when they finally meet again after a while.

A/N: hope ya'll like this!❤️

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Who knew a kiss could change everything you felt about a person.

"I want you." I gasped. "Why do I want you?!"

I looked up at him as if he knew that answer.

His green blown out eyes and heavy breathing told me that he wanted me just as much.

"I have a husband. I'm married. I shouldn't want anyone else. I shouldn't love anyone else!"

He had wishper those three words to me in the privacy of just us being here together. I wanted to say it back so badly. I wanted to love him too just as he loved me but I can't.

I had rushed out of his house that night, tears running uncontrollably down my face with a heart break I had never felt before and cut him off from my life.

I had pushed my feeling deep inside my heart, praying to God they go away and I forgot him.

They didn't go away. I never forgot him.

-☆-

I watch the watch sparking blue in the sunlight, admiring the beauty and trying to distract myself from my love sitting next to me oh so closely. One shift to the left and we'd be touching.

We were at my parents anniversary celebration at the beach house. I had avoided him the last 2 years but there was no escape now. We had been best friends, attached to hip, ever since high school. Well, until that night.

''So, you're divorced?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yep." I inhaled deeply preparing myself to give the explanation I've already gave a hundred times to different people.

''Can I ask what happened?" I smiled. He always makes sure to do something only if I'm comfortable.

''Turns out, he was cheating on me for the last 3 years" I gave him a tight-lipped smile, watching as his eyes darkened. ''Don't worry about it." I shrug. ''It just proves that we both didn't love each other. Honestly I feel like it's a good thing I found out because now I'll be able to love whoever I wanted. I just wish I'd found out sooner.'' His gaze shifted, sensing the undertone of my sentence.I sighed shifting my eyes back to the sea in front of us.

"Do you regret it?" He spoke so softly as if him asking this would trigger me somehow. I don't why he would think that. Theres nothing he could do to hurt me in any way.

I thought carefully before answering. "To be honest, the only thing I regret is no finding out sooner. If I'd known that we were stuck in a loveless marriage from both ends, I would've ended us way earlier without having the guilt of loving anyone else but my husband. I would've savored my moments with the one who I truly loved and never let him go." I looked back at those beautiful ocean eyes. "Maybe I wouldn't have pushed him away and loved him as he deserved to be loved with or without being married." He laced my hand to his and moved his thumb in comforting circles.

"I think your wrong." He whispered carefully. My face frowned as I listened to him. "I think if you hadn't pushed me away those years ago and acted as we wanted, you would've been driven by the quilt of that. Guilt of acting on you're emotions, guilt of cheating, guilt of betraying the scared bond of your marriage even if the marriage was tainted from the beginning." He hooked a fallen hair stand behind my ear. "And when you found out your husband was cheating to, sure you'd be a bit relieved that it wasn't just you that didn't want the marriage but you'd still be scolding yourself that you still cheated, doesn't matter if in a wanted or unwanted marriage."

I found myself shamelessly admiring the man in front of me with a smile on my face. His way with words is mesmerizing. And he's right I figured, I truly would've hated myself if I was to give in the urge I felt that day.

''What?'' He asked me, confused as to why I'm starting at him with a smile.

''How do you know me better than I know myself?'' I asked amused with he's speech.

He chuckled. A beautiful sound. The kind that I wanted to record and listen on loop for the rest of my life.

"Because I know you. I love you." He spoke the three words as if they were the most known thing he'd ever said.

My smile dropped. "Really? After all this time?" My words laced with uncertainty.

"Of course I do. I always have, and I always will." He cupped my cheek. "I told you, my love. You're it for me."

I push my lips to his and promise myself to love and cherish this wonderful man untill my last breath.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

[irregodless]

mom told me mommom gave up and i cant believe that

she was always so strong

i dont want to believe that she was so depressed and in so much pain that she would just leave us. i dont want to believe that dying was favorable to living with us that we werent enough to make her want to stay

she said there was no laughter in the house i dont want her to have disliked us that much

i dont want to believe her pain was really that unbearable all the time despite her pushing through it

i cant believe she gave up she was too strong she was always too strong she never gave up she wanted to live past 90 to outlive her grandfather we were supposed to start going shopping together every weekend

i cant i dont i refuse to believe she gave up. at least entirely. she deserved her rest after chronic pain for so long and sleeping poorly all the time and while her giving into that doesnt make me feel much better id sooner believe that than that she gave up because she was tired of fighting

i wont i wont i wont i wont i wont

i was going to start sitting downstairs with her more and for longer she had more stories to tell me more ancestors to honor there were places we were supposed to eat theres no way she wanted to die that she wanted out i just wont believe that of her

my bf said shed seen most of the major milestones so there wasnt much more reason to stick around but thats not true there was more for her to see she didnt live just to see milestones she lived for lifes experiences for the next book for the next ice cream or snow cone

i dont want her to have been strong me for i wanted her to be vulnerable with me like i was for her we were there for each other so she couldve talked with me more honestly if she really gave up

i wish id gotten to cry in front of her more so she knew for sure just how much she meant to me but mom told me i wasnt allowed to break down because it would make her feel bad and feel guilty so i choked back tears with every word i said to her

theres no way she gave up theres no way losing her best friend made her so despondent we werent enough that i wasnt enough

i just wont believe it

[zeico]

Long post request: how do you feel about BG3?

I didn't realize a new patch came out on final fantasy for about a week because Baldur Gate o Baldur Gate

currently in act 3 and trying to stock up on shit since I recently cleared out the bank. I'm TRYING to hold myself to not starting a new character until I finish this one but I see so many monk items and i want themmmmm (I have a half elf monk open in character creator right now)

Since I played a lotttt of dragon age origins, parts of the structure of bg3 felt very familiar to me like the camp itself and like how u interact with the companions. Like coming home in a way.

I'm also playing 5e a lot so that part of the structure of it was very easy to adapt to. I do still have trouble with like certain interface things like oh man gotta select the version of the spells BEFORE TARGETTING NO GALE WHY ARE YOU RUNNING TO THEM GET BACK HERE WHY ARE YOU HITTING THEM WITH YOUR 8 STRENGTH BACKED STICK

But its great and I do like the changes made to better facilitate it being a VIDEO GAME. Like I'm a Divination Wizard. My main Thing is portent dice. (There's also detect thoughtsing my way through all social encounters which is SO GREAT honestly scratches an itch I've always wanted to do but it would be such a pain in the ass for tabletop. Like first first ever dnd character I cooked up was an illiterate mind reading sorcerer that like got by through just that. But that would be so annoying to do with like.... PEOPLE AT THE TABLE of like 'so im just constantly getting ur surface thoughts...... i can't entirely control this... i'm sorry....' )

ANYWAY portent dice!!!!! in bg3 they have it at level 6 you fulfill little prophecies to get ur dice back to make the big boss miss their BIG attack or make SURE you hit (or my favorite, make the rogue crit on a sneak attack) instead of having it that when u cast a divination spell u get a spell slot back. since theres so few divination spells especially like using IN COMBAT so I understand the change.

I also like the variety of shit you can do. like my partner is one to summon 9 creatures btw the whole party so theres a small army of creatures following their main party. (also several buffed with mage armor and everyone has a higher level aid cast on them so they also have a decent amount of health its really funni to watch) I like wrote off the summon guys moves because I just dont like to have extra guys usually.

Something I wish I did on my first playthrough tho was simply long resting more I think I fucked myself out of a lot of social link scenes in act 1 bc I straight up didn't rest enough. The game is like 'oh no time is ticking' but things aren't REALLY like that (cept for like... 2 instances I can think of) bc its a videogame and thats fine.

It WANTS you to use all your abilities and not be dum like me and just cantrip my way through most the first act 'just in case i need my slots later' why am i like this. both short and lone rest more and just use all your moves its FINE

speaking of social links and companions theyre all great. I love them all. I DO wish some things weren't like... romance locked it feels??? well more like you HAVE to reject them???? idk I had a scene with gale when he's like 'but we're not THAT close tho' and i felt bad bc like... I want to be wizard friends with you. I'm SORRY I'm so weak to both vampires and elves.

heard some shit about astarion having like so much content compared to all the other companions and man imma feel so spoiled on my playthroughs where i dont smooch the vampire. I do wish everyone else had more scenes too its a shame.

something about bg3 thats HILARIOUS to me personally is that its all like 'recruit allies against the cult' and in another irl campaign im in thats been in hiatus for years but I still hope to come back its REALLY similiar. Oh no a huge looming death cult threat to the city. oh no the city has its own fuckmess of bullshit to deal with. OH NO a shapeshifting killer. Anytime theres strong parallels to that campaign it sparks joy.

A few technical problems I've had tho were around switching characters in and out of the party. like in a building and I wanna run back to camp to tag in someone. Wait why are they on the roof????

Or I tag in someone and WHY ARE YOU CLIPPING THROUGH THE FLOOR? Tbh the game is so enjoyable I just sigh and say "Video. Game." out loud and load a save. Like the last time that was REALLY frustrating is when it just would NOT let me out of a restricted area like please I persuaded u 3 times let me go I was on my way OUT.

Also why do all these 8 strength men have abs. This is Wrong. I'm bad with figuring out the technical shit of modding but holy shit I need them to not have abs.

Anyway I had this and the character creator open for like 2 hours now so Imma start that now.

[compassionatereminders]

hi, i hope its okay if i vent here cause i know shits been rough for you lately (wishing you the best btw, which ik simply saying that doesnt magically make things better but hope yk what i mean)

i sent an asks a few months ago about having empathy for someone for the first time and really struggling to come to terms with it, how to deal with new overwhelming emotions and the like (i believe i also mentioned them being in an abusive situation at the time, which was a whole other complicated feeling to empathize with someones pain and to take it internally on levels i had never experienced or was capable of fathoming before in my entire life)

currently struggling with that person again, they left their original abusive situation but have entered a new complex one, as this person isnt intentionally shitty but they're rich, white passing and extremely privileged and out of touch, like truly they don't grasp my friends trauma and why it makes things hard for them (friend has gone through severe abuse and childhood trauma, neglect and homelessness just to say the light ones, its truly awful what they've been through) despite having some trauma of their own and i truly fucking despise them with my entire being

my friend is abusing alcohol and debating killing themselves due to this person dangling ending their relationship over my friends head --- (which is another thing thats complex and hurting, my friend never told me they were dating which like they totally dont have to obviously!! but they continuously insisted to me they were only friends, before suddenly revealing through a screenshot of their partners text that they were together, which they did with their previous abuser so like having it happen twice was icky feeling for some reason despite the fact ik they don't owe me that information at all, i dont care they hid it i just feel hurt and confused if i had done something to warrant not being trusted with that information but thats a whole other can of worms) --- due to them struggling to do something the person wants, because my friend has trauma what the person is requesting is hard and my friends explained why its hard and hurts them, they've thrown up daily from the stress and this person knows that but somehow doesnt grasp why its causing my friend such distress

i feel utterly suffocated by the entire situation and its put my life on full stop because i cant just leave my friend to deal with this themselves, but theres nothing i can say or do that can help them because they're deeply in love and won't break up with their partner even though the stress is physically ruining them. i feel hopeless and unable to do anything, i encourage them to talk to me because really i wanna be there for them but i feel so scared all the time that somethings gonna happen to them which makes me need to listen even more because their other friend is horribly abusive and contributed to their trauma, so i don't wanna leave my friend alone. i don't know how to deal with empathizing with their pain and not being able to stop it feels like its killing me cause now im also throwing up multiple times a day, genuinely debating drug relapse to cope with it all and i can't sleep properly anymore and only sleep on specific 4 hour intervals throughout the day next to my phone so i can be on constant standby for the friend and i know its not healthy and if they knew it was like this they'd never tell me whats wrong again (which i really dont want i truly honest to god wanna be there for them), i feel like no matter how i go about it theres no winning in this situation and honestly i wanna die from it all which sounds so silly cause my friend is going through SO much worse and here i am going waaah this hurts me!! i just eugh, i don't know what to do. which i guess i know what to do, but i don't wanna do any of it i've never cared about someone like i care about them and the thought of leaving them to sort it out themselves feels like the end of the world, even though i know they're also a sociopath and don't feel empathy towards me which is also a new shitty feeling cause now i know how people feel around me. this is exhausting i don't know how people with empathy deal with it especially you kat!! if i remember correctly you mentioned being very empathetic, it's amazing you're able to handle having empathy and running a blog where people often dump stuff in your inbox (which uh is the very same thing im doing now, sorry!) ok i got it all out of my system i'm gonna go take a nap and hope the problem is solved tomorrow (it wont be but a bitch can hope!!) thank you for being a space where i could word vomit my brain out, i really hope things get better for you and that your eye gets sorted out <3

No matter how unwell your friend is, you're allowed to have boundaries and limits. And while I get the desire to be there and do everything you can because you care about your friend, you will not be able to continue pouring from an empty vessel. This is not a sustainable situation. You neglecting yourself and not sleeping and getting physically ill and wanting to die is not an acceptable consequence of your friend being in a toxic relationship without being able to change their situation. I know you didn't ask for advice, but I strongly encourage you to establish some boundaries here and stand by them. You do not lose your right to have boundaries when a loved one is mentally unwell and if you do not prioritize your own mental well-being, you will not be able to continue being there for you friend

[dra-dra-dracula]

I saw The Last Voyage of the Demeter with a friend and by god did I kinda hate it. This is the first ever Dracula esque movie I've ever seen and it just did not deliver. And I know I KNOW we've never had a faithful adaptation of Dracula. But I feel with this bit we could've had something GOOD. This was not good.

But the effects were fucking AMAZING.

Spoilers below.

Random woman there to only explain what/who Dracula is, but does it badly? Eh.

Little boy for shock value? Eh.

Dracula looking like a shriveled scrotum creature instead of a man that isn't quite human enough?

A SURVIVOR?????

They tried too hard to make Anna helpless and then suddenly badass. I did not care that she died or that she died like that. Honestly there were very few I cared about that died at all because we didn't get a good enough reason to care.

They did the Captain and the First Mate dirty. Especially with that ICONIC moment we should've had with the Captain but it wasn't like.. it was ruined when they untied him. That someone else gave him the crucifix, that it wasn't his own belief. The First Mate so fucking bound to the ship, despite that we know in the book he'd rather die to nature than to what is in the ship.

Like theres so much I kinda hated about this movie, and I was very excited to see it. I did appreciate them Going There with Clemens and his struggles. But I wish we got that kind of characterization with the rest of the crew as well. Instead of just 'horny' 'religious' 'angy' 'stupid russian'.

Especially as Clemens talks so much of learning the stars, they don't even fucking USE THAT. Or have him realize he can't use it with all the fog like MAN WHAT WAS THAT LINE FOR??

Honestly I was hoping they were going to throw Toby overboard when it was down to the last few. Rather him a 'swift' death in the tides than to be livestock for a monster. But.. no.

The music was okay but there was too much focus on sting notes and jump scares to really build up the tension of this movie.

And then ending with Clemens surviving and like 'i'mma find him and kill him'? I dunno I think a better ending would've been a somber moment of the funeral. Or of Mina and Lucy watching it.

Maybe it's on me, my expectations were too high.

The actor playing the first mate was hot tho. David Dastmalchian did a great job.

[swanno-arts]

what type of bird is cygnus the swan 🙏😋🍔

jkjk, tell me some weird relationship headcanons between your ocs! are there any weird, funny, dumb "x thinks y looks suspiciously like this one celebrity they like" or "y daydreams about x platonically because its funny" style relationships between your characters that arent major enough to be on their toyhouse sheets?

op i just got hit with psychic damage with that first part

ALSO. HM!! I think there are some few! But most are already on my TH,

Under the cut bc this turned out longer than I planned SHDJHDSKJ

(Birdkind) Axon actually has someone that obsesses with him to the point its just Weird. Her name's Hu Hummingbird and she's basically what you'd expect from a teenage tiktoker. Axon hates her so much deadass she keeps trying to pull him into a Birdkind equiv of Tiktok and constantly argues with her online.

(Birdkind) The Halo of Red has a lot more officers I haven't talked about other than the big three (Arch, Parasol, Gilgamesh) and they kinda have their own gig with each other (mostly discourses). Most prominent of them is Brigadier General Roger (Bald Eagle) and Colonel Ohio (Shoebill) who are basically a platonic Florida Man and Ohio Man. You can imagine how that goes. They never get along but also the closest of bitches. Everything goes wrong with them godbless.

(Birdkind) Not yet mentioned on TH, but Formes and Tigor were actually close friends. Went to the same school and grew up in the same village. Formes has been invited onto the KRI Multatuli once (and Formes got so seasick he had to be speedboated back to land) before he eventually left the country to follow his wife. They both miss each other and honestly at this point it's like a closeted crush. They don't talk about THAT to anyone else they BOTH think it's embarrassing. So yes, they are the "dreams about them platonically" but more leaning to Might Actually Be Gay.

(Birdkind) Cooper has a girlfriend who later broke up with him because he bought NFTs. I wish I was joking.

(Sentishapes) Apollo and 333 are basically a Divorced Couple kind of relationship. They hate each other so much but they argue like a bunch of old people. Granted they're deities, but, y you know.

(Papers, Please) Natalie is secretly crushing on Siv! She's the kind of person to doodle him on her personal notes and make silly love letters and poems intended for him but never actually gave them to him. It's embarrassing for her so she told nobody as of now. It's like, for lack of better words, an anime-esque crush scenario going on.It's like a fanfiction in her head or something unironically. Boris knows tho.

(Papers, Please) Did you know Askali and Behelmus were a thing? Yeah thank god it was scrapped. You genuinely cannot have a healthy relationship with any of these two separately.

(Papers, Please) The Spectator and Askali. "What?" Guess.

(Miitopia) In a scenario where all generation of Great Sages exist in a single timeline, Haigha would 100% have a chaotic gay moment with Hezel. He sees this BEAST of a man and just 😳 unironically.

(Miitopia) Ernst IS genuinely the "y daydreams about x platonically because its funny" but towards, fucking, DIVINE. Might not even be because it's FUNNY. Ernst is just a bit strange.

theres. PROBABLY MORE. but these are the ones on top of my head i hope theyre strange enough for you anon

[thisdreamplace]

What do you think of confrontation? All of my life I have been scared of expressing myself when something bothers me. I always remained silent. When I found the law, I was relieved because "oh, I don't need to express anything, I can stay quiet and just imagine things changed and everything will fall into place" i felt comfortable with that, but I knew deep down that there were many times where I wanted to speak, but felt like it was useless or was going to "ruin" my manifestations. I usually have moments where I wish I had reassurance but never feel the right to ask for it. Watching Dylan James was a safe space because he talks a lot about non-confrontation and I think he's right about most of it but... confrontation is normal I guess and may be needed??? Idk.

The point is, I recently had a discussion with my "SP", with him it's been a never ending story of on and off communication. He always ghosted me and then I would "manifest" him back, blah blah. Yesterday I was so triggered and this time instead of keeping it to myself, I basically told him everything that I was feeling. And like, yes it didn't solve anything, but it felt so right to finally defend myself. To finally feel like I had the right to speak. I ended up apologizing because I recognized it was all a response coming from a trigger. I did not regret saying what I said tho. What I did feel bad for, was because I started the drama out of nowhere because I was spiralling, I honestly had no real motives. He ended up getting mad and like, it does make me sad, but at the same time why would I want something to do with someone with whom I can't express myself with? I get it that maybe I could see this from a different perspective, but... right now, in this moment, what I know for sure is that I don't want this kind relationship in my life. I deserve better. I also deserve to be better for myself and find more validation within rather than waiting for someone to give it to me.

This felt like the beginning of me being more true to myself.

okay by the end of this i was SCREAMING YESSSSSSSSS ANON YESSSSSS. all of this.

i had a similiar experience last year, actually, creepily similiar. because i too, was like, always really into dj and his perspective on things. and then suddenly i was like well wait a minute. what if i did speak my mind and start standing my ground ? i think its such a slippery slope. because i think some people can do the non-confrontational thing and thrive. but for me it made things fester inside of me, resentment would grow, and i would kind of just gaslight myself along the way about how i need to be more understanding of bs. anyway, for me it began with a friend though. and it was hard and difficult, and it didnt go the way i wanted it to because just like in your case, they reacted more defensively than openly. and sometimes, i get waves of "did i truly handle that well ? was it right for me to open up and finally say how i feel ?" and im like yeah. absolutely. for the exact same reasons you realized. i also don't want to be in relationships where we can't have open communication and actually be open enough to want to move forward together. and funny thing is, after that whole thing collapsed, i literally met someone who knows how to have healthy communication, to the point where i was challenged and i had to, and have to, actively work on being a better communicator and being aware of my triggers. knowing how to express them well, rather than shutting down or feeling too scared to because of the conditioning of my past. and theres so much space held for me now, for expressing myself authentically and openly. that sometimes i dont even know how to act, LOL its been wonderful but so terrifying at times. and i absolutely love it tbh. its so beautiful here and its lovely to be experiencing so much love like this.

i guess i say all this to say that you absolutely did the right thing. following your heart, being true to you, will always be the truest and most right thing. and even if that includes confrontation, then so be it. you will see how there are people in the world who are going to hold space for you and be so open to the way you authentically express yourself. now that you finally realize it, the world is realizing it too. what a lovely beginning <3

[vulpiximisa]

gunjou no fanfare review

I really wanted to like it. It’s horse boys. I like horses. It looked like there was thought and care put into it with big names like sawano and oreimo guy and joi (jay oh won and not Joy-ee).  

I was not expecting the BL vibes from the first episode. I wonder if that turned off a lot of the viewers. I mean I definitely wasn’t expecting it from this sort of thing. I don’t know the producers/writers enough to know if the LGBT thing is legit or not. But I don’t trust like that.

Ngl I was expecting more from Yu. He’s kinda boring. Yeah the backstory is interesting to see him go through the change from being an idol to something totally unrelated and having to face the backlash of it. Unfortunately he’s not very interesting personality wise. He’s kind of just A Guy. Not really even an endearing one. Iunno, he hadn’t really done anything that stood out to me. I was waiting the entire series to see what captivated him about horse racing that he dropped his idol career for. I was thinking something about the spiritual horse visions or whatever that he would sometimes see, but it didn’t really add up for me. I just didn’t get it. 

I guess that final race with Shun showed what he always saw when he was horse racing? Was that it? I guess it went over my head. And I guess CEO was his adoptive mother that she groomed him into idol-ing so it was just him growing up and being his own person that he chose to do horse racing.

Anyway next chara, Star girl horse boy jockey Manami Shun. I didn’t like him at first because he came off as the natural prodigy kind (which he was and I dont care for those kind of charas). I liked him more when he went through the kisuke arc. Only because I enjoyed seeing someone who’s usually all smiles finally cry and break down. I’m… not totally surprised that he chose not to stay a jockey. He really didn’t feel like the competitive type and more of the whimsical Horse Boy type. 

Other characters uh… Eri Is There. The fact that they had a staple girl but didn’t do much with her other than to say She Is The Girl. Rip.

I liked Aki’s reveal because after Amane came in, I was like we can’t have Two antagonists being mean to Yu at the same time can we? but it was for different reasons and it was great. Theres not much else with his chara tho other than being the red haired hothead osakan, because of course he is. 

Hayato’s character arc was the best. I wish we got a little more on him and his friend but most of their backstory was through their word of mouth. I don’t really care about his friend though. Real BL hints dropped in that last ep. (HAYATO PONYTAIL IM GONE!!!!!!!)

 Kota was my favorite and I honestly think it might have been more interesting if he was the main chara just because he was an underdog type of chara. Lol maybe I just want my MCs to be a nervous wreck and a noob and I want to see them climb up. (i was rooting for Amane/kota, but I’m sorry nobody could handle my big brain) I can’t say that I didn’t like his growth because I’m proud of him, but he’s just a side chara at the end of the day. rip

Amane was fun but he didn’t really do much. He was supposed to be the Punkass rival but huh? Hanae’s English isn’t the worst but I kinda wish they got someone with better English to voice him. Kind of breaks the immersion sometimes. (Him and sakurai sensei having the English off was funny ngl)

Like can I even call this a sports anime? I don’t really even feel it? Like maybe if there was like, a chara from a rival school and they’d like “let’s meet on the track” kind of thing. I think if we got them racing each other like in the last few episodes earlier I might have thought it was more sporty but I understand if they want it to be realistic and can’t jump right to riding horses without all the build up.

The horse racing world just feels very Adult. Which is maybe why the series is about Adolescence and seeing the jockeys grow up. There were definitely a lot of time skips and they felt a little older when they were doing their internships. The little fake out in the beginning of the last ep gave me real Yuru Camp vibes lol. I love timeskips so I kind of wish we actually got to see it that way. 

How do I feel about the BL “bait”. Like, I don’t know the creators intentions, like, Can I Say that they meant to write Yu and Shun as intertwined souls? Yeah, definitely. It could be LGBT friendly without making the homophobes too mad I guess. Like the way Run With the Wind did it, I guess. But I think Yu and Shun had a little more soft scenes that I’m fine with it. I guess.

Kinda mad that Yu got Shun’s horse whispering powers though. I mean, I get it, in that way that its like “Shun as a jockey is dead but Shun wants Yu to take him with him as he rides horses” or something. 

Also, not really sure what the ghost horse on the right trail symbolizes? The path to jockeyness? Because Yu takes it when he can but Hayato doesn’t see it, and Shun chooses not to go that path. Yeah something like that I guess.

Uhhhh all in all, that… certainly was a show. I guess I was expecting something a little more wholesome because horses were involved? Even though that makes no sense because horses are delicate and stupid creatures apparently. The whole horse racing as a sport feels gross to me though, because I always get those “middle age old men smoking and betting all their money” vibes from it.