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tommykinard6 · 7 months ago

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Buddie fans, my loves, come have a seat for a moment.

I want to have a chat, from a long time Buddie lover to you, whether you’re new or have been here a long time.

It’s okay.

I’ve been in the trenches with you. I’ve been pulling for Buck and Eddie to get together for years. I haven’t given up, even as I’ve seen other fans leave because they lost hope. I don’t blame them. The Buddie section of the fandom has been powerful and beautiful and all consuming. We’ve gone seven seasons and up until this point, not one of the two men in question was even confirmed to be queer.

But we all need to take a moment and breathe. That’s it. Stop doom scrolling for a moment and breathe in.

Good. Now hold for a moment.

And breathe out.

I’m going to get real here, alright? And you might not like everything I say and that’s ok.

We need to stop being a problem. Stay with me. I’m not saying we need to stop shipping Eddie and Buck. Far from it. I will love that ship forever. I’m not saying we need to stop our fanfics or fanart or our love for these two. Our feelings are valid. Many of us have been in love with these two for a long time. The Buckley-Diaz family is a strong unit.

Our feelings are valid and we feel what we feel. But our reactions are utterly and entirely our own responsibility.

We need to stop the bullying.

Let’s face it, many Buddie fans have also been long time bullies in the fandom. Particularly in regard to the actresses who have played the female love interests in the past. Don’t get me wrong, aside from maybe Ali, I have disliked every love interest introduced. But have we not yet learned to separate actress from character? If we are going to dislike an actress, let’s do it for a valid reason. Marisol’s actress for example is problematic. But many fans have rained hell down upon any woman introduced.

I’ve noticed this issue for a long time. But now we’re dealing with the issue being even more widespread because of Buck/Tommy. Now fans are bullying each other. The fandom is divided, even in what is probably one of the better seasons we’ve gotten (in my opinion). I need you guys to stay with me here.

Buck is bi.

Let’s say that again. Evan Buckley is bisexual. A major character on a major show on a major network, previously a womanizer and still a very masculine figure, is queer.

This is monumental. This is amazing.

But so many of you are letting your feelings about Buddie get in the way of appreciating the progress we’ve made. Especially with the reintroduction of Tommy Kinard, Buck’s love interest.

Let’s clear up a couple of things, shall we? Tommy Kinard is not Sal DeLuca. He is not Captain Gerrard. While he was part of the old 118 and definitely was in the old boys club, not only is he not the major problem, but in most cases that he’s an asshole, it can be traced back to his own secret. It’s not great, sure. But let’s look at the facts. Chimney is friends and still keeps in touch with him. Hen appears to hold no animosity and was clearly comfortable with him. In Bobby Begins, they all are friends. And clearly, Tommy has undergone a massive self-growth period. You cannot try to back up your point with inaccurate facts.

People can change. People can also be forgiven. It’s the prerogative of those involved. Enough said.

“But TK6,” you may say, “Buck should be with Eddie! Tommy is a plot device!”

Let’s set aside instant gratification culture really quick and talk about storytelling. You cannot get everything you want when you want it. You also cannot have your cake and eat it too. Buck and Eddie, if both queer, were never going to come out at the same time. Do we really want that?! Because identity is messy. Self discovery is messy. Eddie has Catholic guilt. Buck has self esteem/worth issues. Life isn’t a fanfiction. The real possibility of their relationship surviving such a transition isn’t all that high. IF Eddie is canonically queer, he’s going to have a rougher path than Buck has had.

Also, everyone is a plot device. Let’s get real. If a character doesn’t move a plot along, what’s the point? YES, Tommy is there for a storyline. That doesn’t in anyway invalidate his existence or his presence in Buck’s life.

If you want an instant Buddie storyline, visit ao3! There are amazing stories on there.

Now let’s talk about Buck/Tommy, or TEvan.

I am a long time Buddie lover. I also proudly ship TEvan. Yes, those can coexist. I don’t often multiship, but it’s a beautiful thing. I want Buddie to be endgame, sure! But I’m also okay if TEvan lasts. If they end up being endgame, will I be disappointed about Buddie? Of course. I will also be thrilled because Buck and Tommy are a sweet couple and I’m here for it.

As a queer woman, I’m happy that Buck is bi. Multisexual representation is still sorely lacking. Male sexuality that lets a man keep his masculinity while being queer? Even more so. Just take a look at the ao3 tag. Buck is emasculated in many fics. That’s why I stopped reading a lot.

We have a ship here that includes two very masculine men, who are emotionally vulnerable and exploring something new. I understand ship disappointment. But the negativity is wild. We need to stop the bullying. We need to stop the cheating storylines. We need to stop making Tommy into an ab*s*r only because we apparently can’t handle a love interest being a good person.

At the end of the day, these are fictional characters. It’s a fictional show. But these are real people. All of us are sitting here behind our screens with real feelings. We need to stop.

Buddie may one day happen. And maybe they won’t. TEvan might be endgame. They might not be. Tis the way of 9-1-1. It’s exciting, isn’t it? Waiting for something new and exciting. It was starting to get a little stagnant.

As a queer person, I’m not trying to gatekeep anyone. However, we cannot sit here and say “stop queerbaiting us!!!!” (They weren’t, we’ve always had queer representation on 9-1-1) “give us more representation” and then when they give it to us say, “NO! Not that way!”

If it was about the representation, it being Eddie or Tommy would matter a lot less.

So if you are someone using representation to shield yourself, kindly just be honest with yourself and everyone else.

In the words of our Lady and Savior Taylor Swift, “You need to calm down”.

Now, back off into the world of scrolling you go, my lovelies. Remember, keep an open mind and breathe. At the end of the day, it’s a show. But I for one will happily wait for every episode because I’m loving this.

#911 abc #9-1-1 #911 season 7 #911 show #tommy kinard #bucktommy #evan buckley #buddie #eddie diaz #911 spoilers #911 meta #I’m sure I’ll get hate and I’m prepared for that #however #I’d like to point out that you’ll simply prove my point #it’s two am and I just want people to get along #lgbtq community #lgbtq

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sass-ruby · 7 days ago

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Okay so um, I'm gonna be talking about these two episodes today! (Prepare BECAUSE OH MY GOSH.)

Alright, we'll start with the first one. Can I just say that, moon absolutely angered me so much. Moon, NO ONE IS ASKING YOU FOR AN EMOTIONAL SPEECH NOR ANYTHING. It's the fact that you COMPLETELY ignored sun, didn't even bother to check up on him, and then went to work in your lab to find a solution?? Looks like history is repeating itself. But.. why? Why is the same thing repeating again? WELL I HAVE A THEORY! Sun's gonna die, someway, somehow and that's gonna be the only way moon realizes. I think this because of solar specifically. When solar heard that moon won't check up on sun, he sounded absolutely disgusted. Keep in mind, solar lived in HIS SUN'S head. That sun ALSO had a moon, and I bet solar has watched the same exact thing happen. And what happened when solar's sun died? Solar's moon went insane! Imagine the guilt moon would feel, gut wrenching. He probably ALREADY feels guilty, but would rather let it consume him whole than to comfort sun or AT THE VERY LEAST HUG HIM

Sun was there with moon during moon's (valid) breakdown, but moon being there for sun? NOOO, OF COURSE NOT!

Also if moon's gonna start with the "I'm not good with emotions" stuff, I'll lose it. YOU HAVE PROVEN IN OTHER VIDEOS THAT YOU CAN, MOON. Neptor's funeral, OR HELL WHEN THE WHOLE FINDING OUT DAZZLE'S SECRET THING HAPPENED. He listened about every kid, comforted, reassured, he was there. Although, now he's just ignoring sun. I think it's because he's a coward. And by a coward, I mean that he's too scared he'll say something wrong or make it worse, because the word is about NEXUS, someone who moon HATES, though sun loves nexus, evil or not, he was still his brother.

Moon doesn't understand that, he's jealous most likely. It reminds me so much of when nexus wasn't insane.. he was bad talking moon, and when moon returned? Moon was bad talking nexus. Both didn't want to be like each other, they DESPISE each other, calling each other knock off's (okay, THAT PART WAS KINDA FUNNY I'M SORRY.)

But.. where is sun in all of this? He missed each one. He loved each one. He loved them. He still loves them.

But they BOTH didn't understand how their words hurt sun. They're so similar in some ways, it's absurd. AND THEY DON'T EVEN REALIZE IT. Reminds me of the song "over and over" by Rio Romeo.

If sun dying is the only way for moon to realize, I'll be willing to accept it even if it is quite sad. It's disappointing, truly.

Monty's and lunar's reaction, I expected honestly. By the way, lunar-, "he's doing worse than I thought he would be.." ARE YOU STUPID, HE JUST KILLED HIS EX BROTHER?? Didn't you go through the same damn thing too? As for monty, not even surprised one bit. He's always been like that, I never really liked him, but oh well.

And THANK YOU SOLAR FOR BEING THE ONLY SANE PERSON EXCEPT MAYBE EARTH BECAUSE GOSH THIS SHOW AIN'T FOCUSING ON SUN'S HEALTH MUCH.

The urge to b*tch slap almost everyone.

I genuinely want sun to have a breakdown, he chose moon, but moon didn't bother to even check up on him.

Gosh.

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ANYWAYS, TODAY'S EPISODE!

Just gonna add this picture again, because why not

Wow- genuinely just wow- that was-.. wow

So dark sun DID end up doing something. I must've missed something in the past video, but interesting..

I heard a person say, I forgot who it was but that SUN was the key of this whole plan

He killed nexus, he pulled the trigger and made a choice which means.. that way other suns also made choices instead of not acting

I have NO idea how sun managed to make that happen, BUT THE THEORY MAKES SENSE

In a way, I was right- he IS trying to stop the dimensional abuse of suns by them killing their own moon, I SUCK AT EXPLAINING

if anyone can explain this theory better than me, PLEASE DO.

I felt so bad for the sun in this dimension. Poor thing. Sounded scared and terrified, while repeating "I hate you", while crying and also while bashing HIS moon's head with a barrel

I wanted to hug him QwQ poor baby.. we need a name for him

ALSO HE'S MY CHILD NOW. I'M ADOPTING HIM.

Moon tried his best to keep that sun at peace, WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO THE SAME TOPIC, WHY DOES HE HELP EVERYONE EXCEPT HIS SUN

I get it was a different situation BUT CMON.

I suppose I already ranted enough about that part, though

I would add more but I'm INCREDIBLY tired and all.. so um yeah-

#tsams #sams #sun and moon show #fnaf #fnaf moon #fnaf sun #nexus #tsams nexus #sundrop #the sun and moon show #solstice #dark sun tsams

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anxious-witch · 5 months ago

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Part two of this analysis aka Edwin, Charles and asexuality and why I personally like hcing Charles under the ace umbrella rather than Edwin.

Previous part was about why I don't see Edwin as ace and this one is about why I can see Charles as being on ace/ace spectrum.

So, you might be thinking, what the hell is he talking about? Charles clearly flirts with Crystal from the start and is attracted to her!

And to that, I say, yes....and no. He flirts with her from the start, absolutely! I'd even say he likes her immediately and think she is pretty. But given we aren't in his head, we can't really know exactly what he thinks. His reaction certainly isn't as extreme as the one Edwin has to the Cat King, which clearly showed instant sexual attraction.

So, the way I see it, I think he likes Crystal and very quickly develops a crush on her. But those are romantic feelings, not sexual ones. And we all know how intense Charles' feelings are, especially when it comes to devoting himself to someone.

"He literally agrees about being a nice addition to her body count! And he seems to know ghosts and human can have sex!" Yeah. Which is why A) I hc him as demisexual aka only feeling sexual attraction when he already has feelings for someone and B) as an ace person myself, believe me when I say that researching sex as a concept by an ace person is not uncommon. It's interesting part of human experience, whenever you wish that for yourself or not.

But I digress. Back to my point and that is, when does Charles seem to kiss (and if you believe they slept together after that one scene)? When one or both of them are in need of comfort.

We know Charles is physically affectionate person in general, so while I understand the whole thing was muddled with him and Crystal, I do find it odd he never kissed her due to being excited, or relieved. It would be so very in character for him and yet??? We see them kiss, if I remember correctly, after Charles has his breakdown over not being able to stop anything or after the Devlin's house? I mixed up those two in my head but regardless-it's a form of comfort. You know how a lot of ace people who like sex describe why they like it? Because it makes them feel closer to their partner, because yes, the sex itself is enjoyable, but there is no need for it, no attraction to spur it on. But when you care about the person, you want to make them feel good and you want to feel closer to them.

So for Charles, who constantly craves positive validation, especially through touch? I feel like he'd be either sex positive ace or as I mentioned earlier, demisexual. He doesn't seem spurred by it by attraction.

Hell, after Crystal has a nightmare, what is his first instinct? To kiss her. Because he feels helpless with how to help her other than get her closer to him! But , no offense to Crystal, I find it a bit difficult to believe Charles looked at her in that moment, traumatized by the nightmare and thought "god you look so hot right now I have to kiss you".

And again, we see this repeated when Crystal is about to leave for London and she kisses him goodbye. They never kiss as a consequence of something happy. Which yes, can definitely be contributed to the general narrative of that relationship likely being there as more of a comfort but still.

When we talk about headcanon sphere, because I don't pretend like the writers planned on making Charles ace coded, I think it would make sense.

Also why he doesn't clock Edwin's meeting with the Cat King for what they are! He is suspicious, we could even say he is jealous, but up until Edwin doesn't bring up his feelings for Monty, Charles doesn't connect the two. Which I find odd. Charles doesn't seem surprised that Edwin is gay, so how did he not make a connection about the Cat King until that moment?

Unless he usually connects sex with romantic feelings! Of course, he knows other people sometimes don't but surely not Edwin? Surely Edwin would think like Charles and want to love someone before feeling any sort of attraction? Right? Right??

Wrong. You sir, give strong demi vibes.

No but in all seriousness, I feel like Charles being demi/ace doesn't have a lot of uncomfortable implications that Edwin does? And it doesn't play into the stereotypes either. Why not hc someone flirty and easygoing as ace for a change?

Not to mention that he can be flippant around sex because that's what's expected. We know Charles is not above putting up a front if it makes it easier for everyone around him. To feel accepted.

So he likes a girl. She is pretty and powerful and she alive. Of course he is attracted to her. It's natural. That's how attraction is meant to feel like. Right?

And especially with demi hc, I feel like that fits very well bc he is used to having to "convince" himself before he feels the attraction.

Another cool point I could see being raised is how, he thinks Edwin isn't interested in anyone for the longest time, so Charles in turn, fully turns out any possible romantic feelings for him. And in turn then, he never think he can be attracted to Edwin because he could be like oh! No romantic feelings? No attraction either. Cool!

But yeah. Again, just hcs in general, but if we are talking about making someone ace, I feel like Charles is a more logical than Edwin, personally

#charles rowland #dead boy detectives #edwin payne #rio's rambly analysis #payneland

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fairydust-stuff · 7 months ago

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I find Saionji & Akio dynamics facinating. I know he mostly focuses on Utena & Touga and of course Anthy gets the worst of his abuse/ direction attention.

. Here you have this teen who still gets pulled into Akio's bs, but can half see though it. Also for all Saionji's toxic masculinity bullshit. He takes one look at Akio and just hates his guts. He has such a strong negative reaction to the whole situation. The " Your his little lap dog" comment to Touga.

I rewatched the car scenes and while everyone ignores Akio or just kinda sits there other then Nanami (Who also half gets it).

Saionji's first impulse is to try to grab Akios shoulder looking pissed as hell. He's the only one not ignoring Akio's role in the situation. He's the only one who reflects on Akio's role as Utena's savior.

He's the one who comes to the conclusion Akio is keeping them trapped in their coffins. Despite not having the vocabulary to express how he Utena and Touga are being abused,exploited, groomed. Because even that has been refused to these kids. He hits on something being wrong. (Also he see's Akios abuse of Touga and pins Akio as the problem. Even Utena doesn't do that right away.)

Akio's half of the dynamic is harder to read. But he seems to take interest in Saionji even though he loses. Since he seems to be ordering Touga to take him out again.

Also there's the " Now be nice to your friend." comment. which reminds me of Akios " I want you and Utena to be very good freinds comment." to anthy. And the creepy photo shoot after party. Which gives this sexual grooming vibe to be sure. While this could just be to mess with Touga.

Which is highly possible it still involves Saionji. In what is a possible attempt to weaken Touga's friendship bond. Which suggests Akio underestimates Saionji just as much as Utena.

In both cases he really thought they'd abandon the person they loved. Then resorts to sexual abuse of both Utena & Saionji when they refuse to validate his world view.

Then they both basically give Akio the middle finger. Utena does a full on revolution and frees Anthy. While Saionji emotionally supports Touga by using the very role Akio gave some of the duelists. That of the bride which fits into his dominate/ subordinate narrative. By making it part of an equal partnership.

Much like with Utena's being gone from his world. Akio is obvious to what Saionji did. Seeing only that he lost and not the overall impact he had on Touga.

#kyouichi saionji #akio ohtori #revolutionary girl utena #utena #utena tenjou

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sweetsmalldog · 3 months ago

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SVSSS Liveblog Volume 1 Chapter 4

Honestly getting into a novel you hate because the monsters are cool is valid as hell

Him not eating when Binghe is gone is such a bad sign, he’s not gonna eat after he pushes Binghe into the abyss is he?

“I don’t want to throw him into the Abyss but I also don’t want to die” is good motivation

I know Binghe was twirling his hair thinking about the conference like “I’m going to win the whole thing and Shizun will see how strong I am”

Pretty art!!! Also blatantly pinning Binghe!!!

Shen Qingqiu, internally: right for his future harem Binghe: Looking at him like that

In my heart Binghe has a little diary where he writes Shen Qingqiu’s name surrounded by hearts and plans their wedding and combines their last names and stuff

Them flying on their swords is really cool

“Your spoiled what’s next snacks” “That’s a great idea Binghe do you have any snacks”

He is spoiled and pampered tho <3 he’s got that Princess privilege as the rightful sole future love interest, the protagonist’s most favorite and specialist guy

“Don’t thirst after my disciple” He is gay if that helps

“Of course they don’t want me watching how could I forget” meanwhile Binghe is jealous as hell

This Palace Master is going to come back later isn’t he

Not him bemoaning that fact that Luo Binghe is being kind when it prevents him from showing off

Not the foot fetish material!

He doesn’t care about looking at them in the water because he’s only got eyes for you dude!! You’re the love interest now they’re just randos! You got promoted and they got demoted

Why is “now the threesome scene can’t happen in the future” your reaction to children dying?

Only Luo Binghe can’t be killed, I get thinking “They’ll probably be fine” but that’s been stated a couple of times. Luo Binghe is safe the rest of y’all should learn to protect yourselves tho

Maybe now isn’t the time to mention it but I had a platonic crush on the girl from The Ring as a child

Local man understandably not ready to see teens murdered by monsters

“You can’t go there’s a chance your powers will stop working and you’ll be murdered” “well I’ll for sure die if I don’t do anything so I’m going”

Heads growing spider legs is actual nightmare fuel

Binghe just wants to heal him :((

The Abyss is open

Also PRETTY ART!!! And a new hot man!!

… And Shang Qinghua I guess

Listen I’m far more interested in the new beautiful man who just showed up then the traitor peak lord

He’s supposed to be evil Binghe’s right hand… I mean pretty privilege is a thing and if anyone deserves it…

Listen I’m aroace not blind

Shhh let him show up early ya know for the “plot”

His sword broke :( I know he’s supposed to get a new cooler one but the swords here are cool

“Aw shit I wasn’t demon racist and now it’s biting me in the ass”

Also this hurts

:((((( BINGHE!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO

I can’t even fully appreciated the art because I’m pain

How it started:

How it’s Going:

Not everyone thinking he’s dead ;-;

I’m gonna take a minute no one talk to me

Him forgetting Binghe is gone ;—;

And he’s unwilling to admit how much he missed him sir your repression is showing

HIM MOURNING BINGHE’S INNOCENCE AND YOUTH I’M GONNA CRY-

Heart break points ;-;

This motherfucker’s the author, Shen Qingqiu kill

I hope Mr. Masturbation fucking dies I’m so upset

Shen Qingqiu kill this man and my life is yours

#svsss #Sam reads svsss #Sam reads svsss volume 1 #scum villian self saving system #liveblog #svsss liveblog

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scarletknightreterns · 19 days ago

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Trophies

Spelunking the head-canon caves off to find diamonds~~

Amazing prompt @darkdemeter threw at me at Mach 5 and slapped me right in the face so hard I now have brainrot of the entire scenario ehehehhehehe No warnings I don't think? A dead monster, that's about it :)

——-

You could only wrap up the same gift in different packaging so far before the meaning behind it stared to rot and decay like soggy bones set out in the sun for too long. It dried out.

She felt like it was the same shit all over again, just presented in a different form that, honestly, she saw right through merely due to the amount of disinterest palpitating within the very walls of her heart, twisting and writhing with such sheer disgust she could taste it on the tip of her tongue when he tried to, again, swoon and woo her with his attempts at courtship; so foul that, they might as well have been a mockery of how angels appealed to their desired partners.

This entire thing was a joke.

“Absalom, this never was flattering to begin with, but now it’s getting to be way too much. You know I’m not interested in being your spouse, right?” She expected the answer to be more then disappointing, so much so to the point that seeing his expression both validated and proved her point exactly.

Instead of the rational, normal course of action expected of someone, that being to accept the losses and just move on, what she was met with was an inferno so hot and explosive, it could melt the stone bricks of hell’s finest manor off their foundations. And even for that, it was still a quiet reaction.

“What do you mean?” the growl of frustration was cut short only for the brief moment it took for him to nudge the weapon closer towards her. “Is it not fine enough for you? This is the best weapon the forge can make, it’s very nature and battle prowess is revered by my people! It’s matched by no rival when it comes to bloodshed and gore capabilities! Your foes will be left more then dead in your wake-“ he was grinning proudly in the way that managed to unnerve her. “Dismembered and spewed about in little pathetic pieces they will be, like seeds tossed on a plot of land!”

Reserved was she still, but had to take a step back. Being in the face of such love for bloodshed was equivalent to leeches crawling over her skin; the tingles, sheer discomfort, and ick of being covered in filth, visible or not, was very tangible to her senses right now. Or, maybe, it was more the fact that she felt as though such was being forced upon her, ideologies she refused to adopt.

The weapon was gorgeous fundamentally speaking, yes. The craftsmanship was on par with that of angels with the silver and steel, decorated with purposefully-tattered banners of purple and black, but the maliciousness and dark energies crackling and rolling off of the metal-hooked blades of the prongs screamed of it’s birthplace in Hell, some trench far beneath the infernal surface. It pulsed and writhed with an obscenity that tickled her flesh as though it had a conscious and was trying to worm it’s way into her mind.

Cinder knew what such an abhorrent thing was. It was an Abomination; Nephilim craftsmanship... forged with the resources from... once living... or legitimately living sources. People, animals, slaves and fodder used to craft weapons; quite literally crafted into, weapons.

She killed, yes. But never had that been done with disrespect, before or after the fact, and never did she use her fallen victims to..... further some sort of sick agenda. She slew an enemy to sometimes make a pact with it and hold as a summon- always achieved by the spirits free will and choice.

“I will say it only once more, no,” she shook her head, feeling like turning away was the only thing that could truly shield her from the worst of what rejection could have to throw at her in the moment, busying herself with picking back up the cloth she’d been using to polish her armour, intending to continue where she’d left off when interrupted.

Absalom simply stood there, fuming silently while staring at her. Back straight and like he faced a battle strategy that eluded his intelegence, he could not come to understand why she had rejected his every attempts at courtship. For months he had tried, and every time he heard that word, just the one, 'no'.

Nobody else had these issues from what he’d seen; and he’d seen how she fought. To have her by his side on the field of battle would truly be remarkable and a turning point for the Nephilim. They could storm Heaven, conquer Hell, and own REALMS. So then, why did she choose to sit there, polishing her gear and otherwise not do anything worthy of her life? Everywhere he looked, he gazed to seek some truth, some revelation, but each path turned back around to the one he’d been on before, with no closure, no understanding, and not a step forward.

Perpetually out of reach she was, but she was right there in his view! He could touch her, if he so wanted to! But... to ruin the potential of having her? The thought of finally touching that pale flesh with his fingertips, to hear her soothing voice in the middle of the night when his mind was restless, and to feel the raw power rolling off her during battle, her beside him tearing creatures apart... and so much more? It almost drove him mad.

She was his prize, his grand achievement waiting for him, Hell, she was even in the spotlight, so why then was everything blocking him??

And why the Hell was someone else stealing the show...?!

“I think it would be wise of you to back off before she emasculates you.” Oh that familiar voice of gravel, young but tall a mountain; steep were it's sides, and strong it's form. It was one to both love and hate, and respectively, it wasn't hard to understand who felt which aforementioned emotions. Cinder's head and attention snapped over to the sound of heavy footsteps all too eagerly, Absalom's simply being that of irritation to being interrupted which swiftly morphed into surprised anger at the sight of what the young Nephilim hailed over his shoulders. Death had been impressive before, but never had he stolen the breath right out of Cinder's lungs by merely being a sight to behold, let alone a clear force to be reckoned with. His gait was broad, but nothing was more so in size then the behemoth of a head slung over his shoulders, hefted by arms of muscle which rippled and flexed with the smallest of movements. It was massive compare to Death, yet he didn't appear to break a sweat at all. Almost giddily she abandoned her things to hurry over, a sight which left Absalom seething quietly, but also in disbelief. "Is this what you meant when you said you were going hunting for something worthy?" Those fiery eyes were both calm and gentle while also gleaming with pride of such recognition from her. Her merely impressed with a victory in and of itself to him, but still. He glanced silently to the side in a way of telling her to move out of the way a little, which he was thankful she was astute enough to notice, and moved out of his way enough for him to safely remove himself from under the hulking trophy. "Yes. I sought a worthy gift for you. Out of the multiple I slew, this one I deemed the best, he was also quite the foe." "You fought, decapitated and brought back a Leviathan for me??" Oh, her tone did not reveal anything in the way of displeasure or disbelief. In fact, she could believe it, but she did not believe he knew just how much this meant to her. The masked man simply puffed his chest out proudly, momentarily baffled by the bubbly noise that filled his ears, only to find out it was her giggles of what he might call being elated. And because of him. Oh it stirred something strong and warm in his chest, something that wrapped and pulled on heart, and ignited a fire in his gut. She stepped up closer to the frightening creature who made it's home between the plains of existence, The Abyss, and Void realms. Never had she seen it in such broad daylight, although many had she seen from a distance in her life save for one she long called friend. It's sharp and jagged scales glinted like emeralds tainted by the ink of a Kraken, running her fingers over them threatened to pierce skin. In it's skull were eyeballs that had long glossed over like milky frost, pearly and dead. It's fangs were sharp and foul with gunk and gingivitis, but if cleaned and polished, those serrated edges would make a fine sword or weapon of any sort. The hide was also of prime interest, ebbing with such energies of prime magical affiliation. There was much she could do with this. Not to mention the tethers of a soul she could still sense woven like threads through it's scales, the very essence could be pulled out and woven back into something more useful; like a summon.

And the skull? She knew the perfect place for it- the pond, home to all her fish and critters, would make a fine home for it when she was finally done. It would grow over with algae and moss, become one with nature again. She simply could not wait!

Cinder was more then amazed, she felt a certain way that she couldn't accurately put a name to, nor would anything justify how these feelings felt but... pleased, if that was one word to use. Death's eyes did not leave hers when they met, their attentions focused on one another, and the words that he heard her say both burned his ears and made his chest swell with so much pride he was convinced he might pop.

"I accept your gift, Death. It's spectacular in my eyes, and you've more then proven yourself as worthy." Absalom... could not believe that she was accepting Death as a spouse-- surely she knew that, right?! She knew what she was doing, but how could she accept something so useless? What could one do with a SKULL-- a trophy, yes, he understood, but something this large? And had it been that simple this entire TIME?? "Have you ever had Leviathan grilled meat before?" Cinder asked Death, forgetting the other man was even there to begin with.

Death had not forgotten, however, and felt proud to show the older one up by leaps and bounds. It reflected in his eyes, the fiery glint of knowing his victory without words. "I have not~" he turned back towards her. "Well, you are about to~!" She giggled and rubbed her hands together. "I'll be right back, time to skin this bad boy-" and she ran off inside her cabin to fetch several things for, presumably, the skinning and cooking.

That, understandably, left both men alone. One seething and the other proud of his accomplishments.

"How?" Absalom's voice was calm but visibly bubbling with rage. "You won her over so easily by a corpse, yet she despised the weapon I presented to her?" The older Nephilim's only eye bore deeply into Death's skull, almost as though he'd wished the other didn't exist at all, but also held a firm amount of respect. He had to give it to the young man; he'd pulled off the impossible. Death, unimpeded while waiting for his spouse's return, simply stared back for a few moments long enough Absalom was certain he wouldn't get a reply at all.

Then, "I did not win her over. I gave her what I knew she liked," Death said matter-a-fact. "Turns out, it actually pays to get to know someone."

"....You two have been courting already before this..." that explained a few things. The way she always seemed to glow like the sun whenever Death was around, how much they spent time together, and how close they acted already. Like best friends, but more. "And I made it official. And now that I have..." Death turned more fully towards Absalom, that pride and joy replaced by a fierce protectiveness accompanied by a chill that seeped into the air like growing frost. "Leave her be."

#oc #darksiders #darksiders death #darksiders oc #cinder #absalom #Hehehheehehehehe I had fun with this #Death is protective #He planned this entire thing #Absalom is gonna go pout now #Tho he respects Death for taking down a LEVIATHAN

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mimikoolover · 5 months ago

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Hi! I’m about to dump a little ramble here I hope that’s okay :)

I’m fairly new to bts and have only in the last six months started to catch up on everything and then started observing the fandom. I have to say, the one thing that’s left me completely baffled about this fandom as an outsider is the way jimin and jungkook’s bond is treated.

I was prepared for seeing appreciation for all the different friendship-dynamics between the members, and I have seen that and it’s beautiful. Jimin is my bias so I like seeing his bonds with everyone. But the general difference in energy surrounding jikook compared to the other friendships is wild to me.

I was prepared to see tinhat type shippers who try to prove two members are romantically/sexually involved and will die on that hill, because there’s always those in every fandom. (and ofc I’ve seen those here too with several different pairings and I don’t necessarily have a problem with it unless they’re being completely inappropriate or harassing them or people in their life or whatever, you do you in fan spaces I guess), but what I was NOT prepared for is seeing jikook biased fans and shippers(?)supporters(?) spending more time defending the fact that they are even close AT ALL, than they do trying to prove an alleged romance. When to me as an outsider it’s incredibly obvious they have been/are one of the closest duos in the group and love each other dearly. Why is that not just accepted as fact? Why are people so hell bent on downplaying that reducing them to purely fan service? Of course they do fan service, all of them do, all groups like that do, but two things can exist at once. It’s super easy to detect when band members are acting close on camera but aren’t actually close, believe me I’ve seen it before, and jikook are definitely not that.

So why??

Some patterns I’ve obseobserved:

- Solo stans love rivalry. JM and JK are the most popular/stand out the most and have the most success with solo songs etc, therefore their fans simply have to dislike the other and see them as competition, -> can’t appreciate them together

- People dislike shippers who see them as something more than friends so much that it “ruined” their bond for them and they can’t appreciate their interactions because of it. (Childish if you ask me, never let what other fans say affect how you feel about the people you follow)

- They’re tinhat taekookers (nothing more to say here lol)

- They’re homophobic and/or jealous and can’t stand some of their flirtyness/jokes/other gay shit they do lol (but it seems to be mostly okay if it’s other pairs, only these two bringing out such a strong anti reaction… which I think is rooted in a few different things but that could be a whole other ramble so)

- They take out negative feelings about perceived mistreatment/favoritism/questionable career moves/believing one is better than the other etc on JM andJK to the point of not wanting to see them together. And I’m not saying some of those concerns can’t be valid, but letting it drive you to dislike one of them so much you can’t appreciate their bond is wild.

- They just don’t like one of them or both for whatever reason, which sure whatever not everyone’s gonna vibe with everyone. Who fans vibe with or not isn’t gonna change the fact that they clearly vibe with each other though, spewing negativity is pointless.

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this if you have the time! Why do you think they’re so “controversial”?

Oh also for the record, I’m firmly in the “idc what they have just love them” camp. I can see why some think there’s feelings/attraction there, I can also see why some think it’s simply close friendship/found family/mutual admiration. That’s not the point here though.

first of all i hope you've been having loads of fun becoming a fan, i wish i could go back to the time when i first discovered bts🥹💜

i think the reason is all of what you've said but i have to add one more which is taekookers actively spreading proganda about jikook hating each other. that is a massive one i fear. from what i hear the first group most people come across when they become fans tends to be taekookers (i suppose the reason is that many people get drawn in by tae or jk) and tkkers are super hardcore when it comes to spreading pure hatred towards jimin and jikook. the biggest tkker accounts on twitter and youtube are hardcore haters of jimin and jikook and they come up with wild theories about how jikook hate each other.

i think they do that because they want to pre-empt people looking at jikook and seeing that they're close then questioning if jikook are in fact closer to eo than taekook, which wouldn't bode well for tkkers. once people are brainwashed any ridiculous theory will fly because they already want to believe that jikook hate each other.

whatever jimin or jk do alone or together, tkkers' first reaction is to relate it to proving that jikook don't get along. it's obsessive and frankly so ridiculous. for example apparently jungkook took a trip to japan with eunwoo last year. tkkers' first reaction was that this proves that jikook aren't dating and they're not special because jimin wasn't the only person jungkook 'took to' japan. which is lowkey funny to me coming from tkkers because it's not like jk went with tae. by their logic wouldn't they find it weird that jk travels with someone who's not tae?😭but this is just an example of how far tkkers take their hate and jikook could do literally anything in the world, it would still mean that they hate each other. they didn't have to connect jk and eunwoo's trip to jikook but they still did because they're obsessed and they can't stop talking about how much they think jikook hate each other.

solos are very loud these days but from what i've seen they don't tend to focus on jikook's relationship (or their faves' relationship with other members in general) more than just spew hate towards the members. it's not very ship-specific i don't think. undoubtedly some of them dislike jikook's bond because they don't want them to be close but it's more coming from misguided hate towards either of them than anything actually related to what jikook say/do.

however i will say i think solo stans' bs do affect jikookers/people who would be a fan of both of them and more and more people are 'choosing sides' which to me is really sad...it was definitely a case in the past that most jikookers biased jimin but now the majority of those people have become solos or if they don't say that they've become solos, they displayed very extreme anti reactions to jungkook which is why i have half of jikookers on tumblr blocked😭

there's also a big issue with tkkers harassing people who post positively about jikook especially if it's someone who's a 'non shipper', for example they made numerous 'non shipper' youtubers delete positive reactions to jikook videos or flooded their comments saying that jikook hate each other. 'non shippers' like anyone else don't want to be harassed so many just choose to not talk about jikook i guess.

i've not really been in fandom spaces this year like i was in the past and what became apparent to me is that a lot of drama is just on twitter which is almost like its own bubble. if you look outside of twitter i think the majority of bts fans bias either jimin or jungkook and a lot of those people don't have an issue with their friendship. i see a lot of people get chimmy and kooky keychains together for example and i think outside of twitter a lot of people will be enjoying jikook's travel show.

a reason why i kind of 'left' twitter is because i realised that jikookers focus on the negativity around jikook a lot both from tkkers and solos. i think perhaps there's a tendency for jikookers to highlight the negative bc we want to protect jikook and react strongly to hate but i think this can skew how we think people view jikook if we are focusing on the negative so much. i mean i completely understand it but i think this is also why there's so many solos in the fandom in general, we want to protect the members so much so that we end up focusing on the hate which will then start to seem really extreme and people get more and more passionate towards defending whoever they think deserves it most and end up resenting other members because of their fans' behaviour.

i'm kind of down about bts fandom in general these days because it seems to be in shambles. a good thing though is that years of tkkers and solos didn't seem to affect jikook's bond at all which i didn't think it would. i'd love to say that i think things will get better and people will start to appreciate jikook's friendship but i just don't see it happening😭maybe i should become more hopeful if we are getting people like you with common sense becoming fans!

#jikook #long post oops

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i3utterflyeffect · 7 months ago

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anyway! a few thoughts on dark color gang:

all of them have virabands and they also have friendship accessories of varying types. not sure for all of them but i do think both Red and SC use hair ties

also i don't feel like pulling up my hollowhead sheet but they do have hair in this au like dark and chosen! i think it's a way that they try to make being a hollowhead less obvious at first glance (maybe i'll talk about it later)

red is actually considered the most intimidating because they seem like the nicest one because they're more social than the others (save maybe SC) but really they will get super intense on you if they don't like you. they are very nice but that's not a good thing when they don't like you

also red begged to have a pet virabot. they have one now ofc

yellow is still blind

glasses do actually make dark and chosen a little nervous though, and they're very self-conscious so they prefer contact lens(??????) if possible

they're VERY good at coding, and picked up a lot of things from Dark that sometimes Dark didn't even show them

they take a lack of validation very poorly

they definitely look for Dark's approval the most

blue keeps exploding the house

they love chemicals!!!! unfortunately this means that blue makes a lot of dangerous things!!!!

blue and the older siblings agreed on having a specific time for blue's experiments because once blue accidentally made a chemical reaction that made flammable gas and you can imagine how that went

blue really isn't too different they're just a mad scientist now

they still like to cook! they also like to experiment with drinks. they're too young to make anything alcoholic but they'd probably be very good at it

they're as much as a goofball as usual

they may or may not have exploded a part of town once by accident and they got lectured by chosen for needless destruction. they did cry so chosen just sighs and tells them to be more careful next time

green is normal

not even kidding. they just like music. they're just chilling. dark and chosen were surprised by the innocuous hobby but they were like hell yeah go for it

half the time just sitting in their corner and zoning out

whenever they get in on schemes they're always the planner and/or the one executing the plan

their ability to be exceedingly average can make them the stealthiest so they use this to be the so-to-speak 'scout' of the group

has probably been taken for witness reports whenever the authority is looking for the hollowheads and just shrugs and goes 'i didn't see anything sorry officers :('

Innocuous Person autism in general. like. masking so hard that you don't even notice they exist. 🤝

SC still LOVES humans

loves computers too! they like exploring computers and sometimes they steal things but they feel bad about it.

really mad that people assume that they're a bad person just because they're a hollowhead

becomes friends with Alan after the group accidentally stumbles into his computer!!!!

he ends up trapping the bunch of them rather than killing any of them, probably because the viraband protects them from being force quit

SC steals from his art program and everything just. kind of stops when they find out they have powers with the pen? sc is yelling in excitement and alan is like 'oh crap they can talk', and everything goes from murder to 'actually this is really cool can we hang out?' and surprisingly things worked out

Dark and Chosen actually didn't realize SC's interest in humans went beyond just studying them! they absolutely panicked when they realized they were not only being friends with humans but FRIENDS. WITH ALAN NOOGAI BECKER. (probably the startup for whatever the showdown equivalent is)

ALSO. sc is likely unable to use their powers still...... the others have been really supportive and encouraging, and they're aware that they HAVE powers, but anything involving their powers was basically only ever a spark at best! it's very scary for everyone when they use their abilities beyond that!

#pitch posts #tommy's stickmen tag #dark color gang au #tommy's au #ava aus #ava #ava/m

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sanctus-ingenium · 1 year ago

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answering asks vol 2.

'Smiths' can encompass enginesmiths (mercury), armoursmiths (mars), alchemists (saturn) and some others - generally a smith is someone who works with engines or metal in any capacity, whether by constructing them, managing their fuel, making armour, etc. all of them have a completely degendered role in the church. They are supposed to be wholly devoted to their craft & church, to the point of becoming almost unpeople, sexless.

I like pantera :) he's the main character beast sure (alongside leun) but he's got a lot of interesting history and has been through a lot.

To start out I do some basic sketches while looking at bestiary diagrams of the animal type. Then I draw the base proportions over a photo of the animal's skeleton. Once the joints are all in place and I could imagine it moving relatively freely, I pick a motif and design the armour shapes with that in mind (i.e leun's trefoils, taurus's waves). The motifs come from a bunch of sources - if I see them in medieval art around that animal, the beast's use purpose, the culture that built them and how it might differ in art styles to the 'basic' designs from the heart of the Mezian theocracy. Fun stuff like that.

As an exercise I have taken (human) characters from other settings and made holy beast versions of them, trying to imagine what animal it would be, what weapons, what armour designs, etc. Behold, Bowman:

It's a fun exercise! I recommend :>

Hi! Thank you for the suggestion! I actually did try to use OneNote for my thesis but I found that it ended up an extra step that got in the way. Instead I organised my reference papers manually (and wrote up all my bibliography by hand as well). I haven't heard of Notion so I might look into it :> as someone with adhd I find that the best way for me is to make it stupid easy, which is why discord works because I already use it for talking with friends and I like the mobile app.

SO true!! You can make whatever the hell you want forever and that sounds really cool, I'm glad I was able to help in some little way >:) (although, holy beasts are not robots.. i think the best description for them is just. exotic vehicles.)

lmao it's totally fine!! I love to talk

Sir Heaven had such a profoundly negative experience with Leun that he struggles with the concept of making anybody else do what he now considers to be his burden. He also feels that taking any new people inside Leun would endanger them.

The bishop of Salvius cathedral is the guy Heaven answers to, and his superior officer. The bishop has reported the matter to the pope and they're still working hard presenting new potential novices to Sir Heaven, but the thing is that Sir Heaven rejects them for seemingly valid reasons. He doesn't just say 'no I'm not taking apprentices', he says 'this one's reaction speed isn't good enough' or 'this one is too prideful'. But the longer he tries to keep this up, the more suspicion he heaps on his shoulders. If the time came, no, he would not be able to deny a direct order from the pope.

Ketjan was selected at random, one of a large group of other children who were not raised in the church. This is to ensure that there is no per-existing bias or knowledge of how holy beasts work. And he just happened to be the only one of the group who could master Leun's very demanding dialogue tattoo. The recruiting enginesmiths, who designed Leun's systems, were the ones to train him, but Ketjan was the one to write most of the procedures for operating Leun based on feedback from the dialogue.

Replies from THIS post:

@ospreyonthemoon @kicks-tiktaalik-back-into-water

Krokodilos had an amazing high-tech ventilation system that used active air pumps to keep it circulating. But exactly like the second reply says, it broke down frequently. And because of how it worked, the interior of croc had to be air-tight so that the pumps could work efficiently. And, of course, if it broke down, and it was air tight on the inside, it instantly became a more dangerous deathtrap than your average passively ventilated beast.

There were valves that could be opened in an emergency but these were only added after the first Incident. The pumps would break down from the fabric seals degrading, lose efficacy, and then the parts furthest from the pumps would suddenly not get enough air anymore because air couldn't be moved such a distance with faulty pumps. The reason his enginesmiths want him to be re-commissioned is because the only barrier was the material used for the seals, and they believe they can innovate some new materials or try something different and have it work. They were even thinking of trying natural rubber, which would have worked perfectly, but they never got approval for it.

#setting: mez

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wowthatsextra · 1 year ago

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Tsitp fandom annoys me sm... like I love Conrad but wtf are these jeremiah hate takes?

"He only fell for Belly when she turned pretty" 1. So did Conrad, didn’t he tell Cleveland the exact same thing? 😭 and 2. It's literally in the title, it was the summer that changed everything and 3. There's nothing wrong with that? They're, like, 17.

"Jere pursued Belly knowing Conrad is in love with her/tried to sabotage Belly and Conrad" Show me when he did that outside of the fireworks stunt (which was shitty, he put their lives in danger and lied about it, i won't defend that). He literally STAYED out of Belly and Conrad's way. "He's gonna break your heart/did you not see that coming because I sure did" Let the kid be angry at his brother for a betrayal 😭 And as much as I understand Conrad (I shut down and self-sabotage) he did break Belly's heart, didn’t he 😭

Whereas Conrad kept grilling and guilted him into an "approval" after Jere clearly didn’t want to ("i can't believe you came here asking me of this") and then twisted his words to Belly ("Jere's been on a high, he's been going on dates" and the audacity of "he's over it, but i can't get over you" when Jere was almost in tears the whole conversation). Like, Conrad was all like "She's scared of hurting you, Jere" with no "so am I" 💀 My man did not give a single fuck, he just wanted Belly, which makes sense for his 18yo brain, but stop accusing Jere of something he didn’t do 😭

"Jeremiah guilted Belly about his mother's cancer" He did say that "great timing, it's not like my mom has cancer or anything." so this isn’t unfounded. But he just found out Belly kind of cheated on him with his brother right after he found out his mom has cancer and his brother kept it from him 😭 let my guy have a one-line outburst, it's not like he manipulated Belly into anything. Plus, I'm sure Belly understood that considering she went ahead and told Conrad to go to hell DURING his mom's funeral 💀 (she was so funny for this)

And the worst part about this is a big part of the show is about Susannah's cancer and how losing her impacted the people who loved her. Conrad, Jeremiah and Belly are all lost and grieving and finding comfort in each other. It's okay that you don’t like a ship or a character but it's like Jere is not even allowed to have feelings, he's not allowed to struggle about her mom's cancer and death and complicated father and complicated brother and falling in love because if he does, he's standing in the way of a ship. And that's gross. (And same goes for Conrad AND Belly! I love that they're all messy and cheeky and making horrible decisions because it makes them feel more real to me.)

Look, there are valid criticisms of Jeremiah. It's clear that he's always been insecure of Conrad and in a one-sided competition with him and even though he truly loves Belly, part of the reason why he wants to be with her/be chosen by her is because he wants that one-up on his brother (*cough* Damon Salvatore *cough*). And that's an interesting conversation, and I'm loving Conrad and Jeremiah's dynamic this season, but the constant need to scrutinize EVERYTHING Jere does is... unhealthy? HE IS A GRIEVING TEENAGER. Let him have realistic emotions and reactions!

#tsitp #rant #the summer i turned pretty #jeremiah fisher #conrad fisher #belly conklin

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diazfox · 7 months ago

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(A tentative guess about your BuckTommy vs Buddie post)

I guess a big part of it is because it's canon ? It's canon and it seems to work, and it seems to be make Buck calm and fluffy and happy in a healthy way, which is what a lot (all ?) of us want. So we can get behind that, for now.

Your "why not a similar support behind his exes / fetishizing MM relationship" question is valid and i think the difference is because it's the first time someone Buck dates seems to really fit with him without having something that we can pre-shot is going to be a problem, and the first time he goes into a relationship (getting myself ahead of things there) without it being to heal something in him ? And as I've read other people point out, Tommy's not silo-ed out, he has a backstory with the Begins episodes, he is friends with some of the 118, so it makes him less of a plot device than Buck's female exes.

And about the second part, the fetishizing part, i think sadly it's just a real thing that happens here, on tumblr and in fandom spaces : men are seen enjoying being together and fandom smooches them together together. One could even argue that it's the same for Buddie, wanting them to be together together when canon just factually says they are BFFs. I don't think anyone is erasing anything, but all that is canon about Buddie is that they are BFFs (a lot can be read as more that friends but ultimately it's with shipping goggles on, only - i'm not a very optimistic person, though).

I guess some of us think that if they didn't make Buddie happen for this long, then it may be because it is meant to stay on the fandom shipping side ? And we're given this incredible chance to have a canon lgbt character with an unusual story of self-discovery that doesn't happen a lot in tv shows so we're just enthusiastic to go with the flow ?

And if it turns out that the writers have the guts to get Eddie his own self-discovery journey, and if that later leads to Buddie happening somehow, then I think all BuckTommy shippers will be glad that it finally happened, and that it is canon, and is finally the Truth.

damn, thanks for your insight! i do see how things being canon and properly canon (like Tommy having a "backstory") can cause shifts in perspectives looking into the future.

i 100% understand why some might think buddie is a form of fetishization too. ngl i've seen strong arguments like "why can't 2 male characters share a strong emotional bond platonically? why does it have to lead to romance?" i guess my main reason for bringing up fetishization with respect to bucktommy is the fact that they are quite lacking in the "strong emotional bond" department. so it feels pretty much like "2 hot guys kissing and touching each other hell yeah" to me.

but i realise i'm overlooking the fact that this is bi buck's first relationship, though. i forgot to consider the fact that majority of this support for tommy comes from the fact that this is the first love interest of buck's to whom he can give all of himself and get twice as much with all the freedom in the world AS A BI MAN. thank u for putting me on to the fact that i've been misinterpreting this enthusiasm to some degree.

thats not to say that just bc something is canon or just a headcanon everything is set in stone. writers and actors themselves have made it very clear time and time again that audience reactions and engagement matters when it comes to plot development. in your own line of thought, right until 7x 03 they didn't make bi Buck happen for so long. so would u say it was meant to stay merely on the fandom shipping side? i just think the possibilities are endless, and maybe we as a fandom can try to have a bit more resilience to see through fan-originated storylines instead of a "i'll just go with whatever is canon bc it's easier" ethic.

#911 #911 on abc #evan buckley #buddie #911 abc #eddie diaz

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ryukoishida · 3 months ago

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Wind Breaker Week 2024 | Day 2: In which Suo may or may not have confessed.

Title: hush hush Fandom: Wind Breaker Characters/Ships: SuoSaku, Nirei Rating: PG Summary: In which cop!Sakura and gangster!Suo meet, fight, and fall in love (probably). A/N: Made it to day two~ How long will this last? Who knows.

Written for @windbreakerweek

Also on AO3~

Day 2: Confessions

“Sakura-kun, you’re here again,” Suo seemed genuinely surprised to see the police officer so soon after their most recent, and perhaps not the most pleasant, confrontation at Windchimes.

The owner of the teahouse wasn’t too concerned that a few junior police officers who probably didn’t know any better had stumbled upon his establishment and had been checking out the validity of his business, since he was certain they could find nothing incriminating about himself and his men should they forced themselves in with a search warrant or otherwise, but it was always interesting to see the hilarious reactions of these young, inexperienced cops.

Especially the one with the dazzling bright gold and slate grey eyes who didn’t seem to fear retaliation from Suo now that the man was aware of who they were and what they were after. The fact that he’d reacted so quickly and elegantly when Suo had tried to reach for him — albeit with totally innocent intention — delighted Suo to no end.

If Sakura had been more prepared, maybe he would have stood a better chance, and Suo would have had even more fun teasing the snarling kitten. He could vividly imagine only too well Sakura in his police uniform, the top few buttons undone to reveal a pale sliver of skin begging to be licked and marked, arms tied back and wrists locked together by his own cuffs rendering him powerless against Suo’s invasion…

He would fight back for sure – that was the kind of man Sakura Haruka was, the kind of man that Suo found most intriguing – and Suo would savour every second of it.

Even he had to admit that, circumstances notwithstanding, Sakura Haruka was very much his type.

But the leader of his Unit would not like it if he heard any rumours about his men fooling around with the cops.

Playing with fire, they would call it, not worth the trouble and absolutely not worth the risk this would undoubtedly be placed on the rest of the Unit.

“What ever happened to calling me Officer Sakura?” The off-duty officer pulled the chair away from the table with a screech and plopped himself down. His black and white forelocks were long and messy enough that it was hiding any hint of emotions behind those fascinating eyes.

“Unless you’re here to arrest me, you are a precious patron of Windchimes and I shall treat you as such.”

Suo gave him one of his signature smiles and a slight tilt of his head, but surprisingly Sakura seemed more immune this time, though Suo did notice the tinge of pink at the tips of his ears that his hair was doing a poor job of hiding.

‘How cute,’ he couldn’t help but think.

“Anyway, what can I get for you today? Same as last time?”

“Hell no!” Sakura immediately sat up straighter in his seat. The memory of the scorching hot tea with a sickening wave of astringent bitterness like no other still haunted his taste buds and he wanted nothing to do with that nightmarish flavour for as long as he lived. “What kind of crappy tea was that anyway? Some sort of medicinal herb? Why would you put such a foul-tasting thing on your menu? Are you a sadist or something?”

Sakura knew he had a tendency to run his mouth when he was agitated, and right now he was more than agitated — he was downright furious. But he knew he’d said the wrong thing as soon as the last question left his mouth, because Suo was giving him a look, his one brow raised high.

“Why do you ask? Are you offering?”

One corner of Suo’s lips curled up into a teasing grin; it made his single eye glimmer with a light that was very different from his usual quiet gentleness.

“S-Shut up! That’s not what I meant!”

He hid his burning face behind the shield of the menu.

This time, Suo laughed out loud, the sound a little muffled behind his hand, but something about it was soft and smoky and it made Sakura shiver.

He hated how much Suo could affect him — even the slightest expression, the most harmless of jokes, the most striking of words. Ever since the lieutenant of Vaisravana Unit had found him and Nirei out, their exchange had been playing on constant repeat in his mind, each time driving Sakura increasingly more unsettled yet captivated by this mysterious man’s true intentions.

Suo didn’t intimidate them into submission (not that any verbal threats or physical beatings was going to be effective; after all, Sakura had suffered through much tougher situations early in his life, and despite being only junior officers, even most gang members knew better than to mess with the police for no good reason). He didn’t bribe them into secrecy, either.

Sakura wasn’t sure whether that was because Suo really had nothing to hide within Windchimes, or he was simply bluffing them, almost tempting them to dig deeper if they dared.

“My apologies,” Suo said, reaching a careful hand out to lower the menu so that he could make sure their eyes met. “Sakura-kun just makes it too easy for me to tease, but I digress.”

Sakura grunted before tearing his gaze away, his focus trying to maintain on the elegant handwritten script on the menu, though none of the words held any meaning to him.

“The Kuding tea that you ordered last time is a traditional Chinese herbal concoction known for its bitter flavour and lipid- and blood glucose-lowering properties,” Suo continued explaining. “I thought it rather strange at the time that you’d order such a peculiar specialty tea, but I suppose you weren’t here to partake in the enjoyment of a good brew back then, were you?”

“If you already knew, then why humour us last time?” Sakura wanted to know. He gave up on pretending to read the menu and finally glanced up at Suo, who was still looking at him like he was the most fascinating puzzle he couldn’t wait to dive in and unravel.

That realisation in itself was terrifying, but the realisation that he wanted Suo to figure him out was even more so.

“You could have kicked us out, or banned us from returning,” Sakura sounded desperate, like he was searching for an excuse for any of this to make sense. “If I were an avid gang member, I’d avoid everything to do with the police.”

Suo hummed, as if he was sincerely considering Sakura’s inquiry, before replying with a cryptic smile tinging on a hint of sadness behind it.

“Now why would I do that? I admit, I never have any good impressions of cops in general. Where I’m originally from, the police department is so corrupted that almost every single member — from the topmost commissioner to the lowly junior officer — only serves the rich and powerful. Those who needed the police’s protection the most — the grassroots citizens, the minorities — their priorities and rights were all cast aside for the benefit of the upper class.”

Though his tone remained somewhat calm, the initial notion of sadness gave way to frustration that was difficult to detect, but Sakura could sense it behind the eerie tranquillity of his words.

“Gang wars were a common affair there, too, among other issues, but unless the damage was dealt against the so-called ‘important people’ and their properties, the cops would just wilfully ignore the needs of the common masses, treating them like dirt, even, in some rare instances.”

“So, you hate cops. That makes sense.”

What didn’t make sense was if Suo bore so much distaste for the police force, why was he being like… like this?!

“Not for the reason that you initially thought though,” Suo reminded him, and then with a forced chuckle, he continued, “the conversation topic has taken a bit of a dark turn. If you haven’t decided on what you’d like to get, may I brew for you one of my recommendations?”

Sakura shrugged. “Surprise me, I guess.”

Anything was better than trying to decipher the thirty different types of teas with mystical or poetic names that meant absolutely nothing to Sakura’s uncultured background.

About fifteen minutes later, Suo returned with that same antique tray, except this time there was a daintier cup with no handle and an accompanying teapot. He set both items on the table with care, and began pouring a rich brown tea into the porcelain cup.

Upon closer inspection, Sakura noticed the intricate floral designs on the exterior, meticulously hand-painted so that each brush stroke spoke of the passion and diligence of the artist.

He took a cautious whiff of the steam and was pleasantly surprised by the warm, earthy fragrance that was a lot more welcoming than the last beverage he’d ordered from Windchimes.

“This is ripe pu’erh from Yunnan province. Let me know if this flavour profile is to your liking,” Suo said, again folding his arms over the tray as he patiently waited for his patron to have a taste.

Cradling the cup with both of his hands (really this was just an excuse to not have to look at Suo and instead stare at the bottom of the tea cup as if the few leaves that’d settled down there held the answer to all his questions), Sakura took a tentative sip, and was instantly soothed by the rich, bitter-sweet flavour, swirling between hot cocoa and dark molasses.

It was complex, like the man who brewed it, and the aroma was a delightful dance on his tongue as he let the tea linger in his mouth before swallowing it.

It was then he remembered Suo was still standing there, watching him, his smile and gaze as gentle as the spring breeze.

“It’s good,” he admitted in a murmur against the lip of the cup so his words were slightly blurred around the edges, “but—”

“But?”

“Why are you being so nice?”

He just didn’t get it. In the end, what was it that Suo wanted from him?

“Because frankly, I like you, Sakura-kun.”

For the second time within that week, Sakura spitted out a mouthful of hot tea in the most inopportune and undignified manner, all because of one damn Suo Hayato.

#wind breaker #wind breaker week #winbreweek2024 #suosaku #sakura haruka #suo hayato #bowie's crappy writing

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make-your-own-evil · 2 years ago

Note

Hi I just re-watched the chainsaw massacre and I was wondering if you could do a yandere Drayton sawyer with a reader who becomes willing really fast like when he comforts Sally in the movie I wished it was me I'm so wired.

all drayton stans are valid and i will not hear otherwise 😌 (sorry this took forever :()

TW: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, MENTIONS OF KIDNAPPING, MURDER IF YOU SQUINT

Yandere!Drayton x Willing!Reader 🛻

i felt bad for him in the movie watching his mental struggle between wanting to comfort sally vs succumbing to insanity

why cant life be normal? why cant his family be normal? why cant HE be normal?

he asks himself these questions a lot and his simple answer is that they were forced to be this way. grandpa was fired, their parents were gone, they have no money, he busts his ass to take care of his brothers

despite popular opinion, i really dont think he enjoys being the asshole. hes just trying to keep money coming in and his family fed (and out of JAIL)

so when you get into the picture? oh he cant let his brothers touch a hair on your head.

he is very perplexed and mistrusting of your submissive and willing attitude at first. but hey, your reaction isnt normal and his life is already far from it. the fact that youre so willing and you LISTEN to him is what gets his obsession started

he still ties you up on the way home that first night, just in case. but he doesnt hit you or scream at you. theres no need to and he eats that up.

that night he's also struggling with deciding your fate. you WALKED out of the truck and sat yourself down at the table where he placed you and you sat there patiently while he tied you again? oh youre not going to make this easy on him were you? life never made anything easy on him anyways

he watched you with his brows knit together in deep thought. his family needed to eat. they couldnt have another mouth to feed. but here you were, perfectly content with his batshit crazy brothers poking and prodding at you. even after youve seen their.... interesting decor/food.

you ate his food. you THANKED him. when was the last time someone had thanked him? he didnt care. that little 'thank you' sealed your fate. oh he loved that. he loved YOU

he doesnt have to yell at you! he doesnt have to hit you! he doesnt have to worry! be still his beating heart!

this does make it harder on his brothers though because now they have expectations on how to treat you

youre coming to work with him! he cant trust his family around you. he needs to know where you are always. seeing your happy and content self sat inside of the gas station is what keeps him going! he deserves this. he deserves YOU!

youre his new kitchen assistant

"Why dontcha try this piece fer me, see if it tastes alright?"

you deserve him, too

a breath of fresh air, a break, a sliver of normalcy in his life

his brothers are confused too. theyve never seen him this tender and careful with someone in a long time, unless it was an act. eventually youll become part of their fucked up family in no time

youre not going anywhere without him. he already expects life to be constant agony with how traumatic his life has been. youre his slice of heaven in this living hell and he cant let the cruel world take you too.

"Yer too good to this old man, sweetheart~"

#drayton sawyer #tcm #texas chsinsaw massacre #bubba sawyer #nubbins sawyer #chop top sawyer #yandere drayton sawyer #drayton sawyer x reader #drayton x reader

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espinosaurusrexex · 2 years ago

Text

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠'𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

four - Vision, Darling

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader

summary: It's crazy who you meet at the grocery store. Y/N is utterly confused but, luckily, Bucky is always there to help.

a/n: Sorry for the late update! I hope it's worth it, though. I think I fell in love with Bucky a little more while writing this chapter (don't think that's possible, but here we are). I would really appreciate some feedback, reactions, whatever you're willing to give me 💕

!Divider is mine. Please give credit when using!

word count: 5.8k

chapter warnings: really angsty (I'm sorry), so much pining, super soft Bucky, and fluuuuuff

✶ 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ☾

Y/N huffed as she passed the cereal aisles of the grocery store. They even had Sokovian stuff on the shelves. She couldn’t really blame Wanda. Hell, if Y/N were to create a town to her desires it would be stacked with those Russian snacks Natasha always snuck her into the compound. She grabbed one of the cereal boxes with the cartoon dog on it and pushed her cart further. Then she roamed through the produce section, grabbing a few plums - Bucky liked plums - so she bagged a few of those as well. She grinned to herself when she imagined the ways his eyes lit up at the purple fruits in the kitchen and it warmed her heart, knowing that she would be bringing him that joy for the week. Once Y/N was finished with her daily daydreaming, she analyzed the watermelons. That was when a chipper voice piqued her interest over by the nuts.

She looked up, catching a redhead of hair dipping down behind the aisle. That voice sounded an awful lot like Wanda. She looked at the spot for a second longer, but when nothing happened, Y/N continued her fruit inspection. The laugh echoed again. This time answering something she couldn’t quite catch.

Y/N’s heart began to hammer in her chest. It must’ve been Wanda - she was ought to cross her path eventually, right? After all, that was part of the reason she came here. But somehow, meeting her now, gave her sweaty hands and short breath. Then the voice sounded again and when Y/N turned her head to the source this time, she could clearly see her friend’s profile smiling in the distance.

She could just leave. Wanda hadn’t seen her yet. A look at the entrance. She could just leave everything here and bolt. A look at Wanda again. Why was she so nervous about this? It was Wanda after all. Her loving, funny, caring friend Wanda. Y/N’d never been scared of her before. She had respect, sure - she wasn’t stupid. Y/N knew damn well how powerful the woman was. She had seen it with her own eyes, but she had never been scared. So what held her from running into her arms? Y/N didn’t know. And because of that she decided that there was no valid reason to avoid the unavoidable. She left the cart by the watermelons and walked towards the nut aisle.

“Wanda?” Her voice was still a little shaky, and she was not nearly close enough for Wanda to hear.

“Wanda!” That caught her attention.

“Y/N?” The redhead turned around with a surprised look, her smile bright - beaming.

“Wanda, oh my God!” Y/N closed the gap between them with open arms, pushing through it, she told herself. It would all be like it always was, she just had to get to that point. And it actually did. As soon as Y/N’s nose was buried in that red hair everything calmed down inside her. It was still Wanda - her Wanda, whom she had missed so dearly. Y/N smiled into her friend’s shoulder, her arms pressing Wanda a little deeper into herself.

“Wow, I haven’t seen you in forever!” Wanda squeezed her shoulders one more time and then she pulled back and held her at an arm’s length. She looked at her, the twinkle of a mystery settling in her orbs.

“Yeah- I... I missed you,” Y/N confessed. It felt good to finally get it off her chest. Y/N hadn’t noticed it before, but all this time she had spent in her apartment, she had talked to nobody but the mailman and that one neighbor who always complained. Sometimes a cashier but never a friend. Well, not until she had called Bucky, but the excitement his voice started in her body didn’t leave much room for relief. Y/N was still smiling, the muscles of her face aching with the way she exhausted them. She had Wanda again. Her friend Wanda.

The redhead shook her head with an equally painful smile. “How come you moved here, too?”

“I actually-“ But before Y/N could finish, she was pulled back into a tight hug once again.

“Oh, It’s so nice to see you again.” It was nice to see her again, but they’d already established that.

“Wanda.”

“Yes, dear?”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m welcoming you into Westview.” Suddenly, that smile didn’t seem so genuine and happy anymore.

Uneasiness spread in Y/N’s chest when she peeled herself out of Wanda’s arms. “You know what I mean.”

Her eyes were empty, though her face looked lost and confused. Like a robot, who didn’t understand a question. And that's exactly how she acted, too. Her responses were almost mechanical. Y/N wasn’t talking to Wanda, which she was sure of.

“Why don’t you come to dinner at my house sometime?”

“Wanda, what happened?”

“Oh my, I forgot! You can bring your husband too, of course.” Goosebumps - that was all she felt.

“My husband? Wanda...” She grew frustrated at the constant dodging. “What happened here?”

“Oh, it’s gonna be great! We can play charades and-“

“Enough with the dinner plans!” Y/N stepped back with heaving breaths. “Tell me what’s going on.”

The redhead’s face stayed unbothered until another voice reached her ears. “Wanda, darling? Are you alright?”

“Vision, sweetheart. Look who’s here!”

“Vision?” A tall, blonde man approached the two women with two long steps. But Y/N couldn’t quite connect the dots.

“In the... flesh.” A sheepish smile interrupted his speech. “It’s so nice to finally have you visit, Y/N.” Vision was here. Well, not really. Something resembling him was. He had his voice, and his face did look like that of the android created by Tony Stark. The man was standing in front of her and as he pulled her into a hug, Y/N could feel every ridge of his body. Real - tangible. Her heartbeat matched the bass of an EDM concert. Vision was alive. Vision shouldn’t be alive. Wanda, what did you do?

A glance over the man’s shoulder showed Wanda with her hands clutched together, a warm and bright smile on her face accompanied by the sparkle in her eyes. Y/N’s thoughts were racing. A hundred questions blurring together in one giant cloud of uneasiness, but the one question that triumphed them all was simply that: What the actual fuck?!

Get. the fuck. out. That was all she heard drumming through her skull when the store ceiling seemed to collapse on her body. Y/N was running to the car faster than she ever thought possible. She had not given Wanda an explanation. She had not given Vision an explanation either. Fucking Vision. He was alive. Very much so. Even more alive than he had ever been in fact. He was human. Vision was human and he was alive. Holy shit.

The driver’s door shut with a loud bang when that thought settled in. Y/N’s hands were shaking when she grabbed the steering wheel. She tried to take even breaths in to calm down a little bit, but there was no use. The sunlight heating up the car made it unbearable and the people hastily pushing their shopping carts in front of actual cars made the walls seem to cave in. She needed to get away. Somewhere - anywhere away from all these people. All these crazy normal people living in this fucked up town. Sweat ran down her neck when Y/n floored the gas pedal once she entered the main road. She was definitely going past the speed limit, but she could honestly not care less right now. Her thoughts still exceeded the speedometer behind her stiff fingers and the houses and trees outside the car blurred in green and grey stripes in her peripheral.

Tires screeched on the streets when people dodged her running red lights and it was honestly a miracle that she had not hit anyone yet. She didn’t know where she was going nor what she would be doing once she got there, but something within her chest told her that it was the right way. She was far away from Wanda and Vision by now. Thanks, god. That was the most important part. Another loud horn blew through to her ears when she passed yet another crossroad without as much as a look over to the passenger side. She just couldn’t do that right now. Her body was heavily exhausted with the ground motions of driving as it lead her through the suburban neighborhoods, her head exploding in anxiety. Her brain felt like bursting right about now. Y/N had to stop. She had to. There was no way fate would grant her any more time without injuries but her foot wouldn‘t stop pressing on the accelerator. She didn’t tell it to, either.

Tears streamed down her cheeks and neck, making their way to the collar of her t-shirt and creating a dark rim. She couldn’t see clearly anymore, that was thanks to the rapid breathing. And the ringing in her ears echoed through her skull as if she was standing right under a giant church bell. She began full-on crying now. Her eyes squeezed shut with a shaky breath and then, the car stopped. She was home. Not home home, no. She was in the driveway of the blue house with the white windows and the flawless flowers in the backyard. And for a second, her anxiety seemed to subside.

Bucky. She had gone to Bucky. Home to Bucky.

Y/N slammed the door shut once she had stumbled out of the car. She burst through the entrance and then she stood there, in the big hallway, looking through the rooms to find him, to get that sense of comfort and-

“You’re back already? I thought-“ Bucky stopped in his tracks once he saw her. His face fell at the sight of her smeared makeup and the look of pure horror in her eyes.

“Bucky-“ she sobbed and her body began to shake again. It didn’t get better. She thought it would get better once she was home with him but it didn’t. Her breaths were shaky as each one drew in and out before actually delivering any oxygen to her body and then the dizziness settled in again.

Y/N didn't know when and where but within seconds Bucky was in front of her, guiding her gently to the ground as her legs gave out beneath the weight of her body. He knelt down in front of her and cradled her face in his hands. Big blue eyes looked into hers with fear. Y/N’s shoulder heaved from her rapid breathing, her throat was hurting from the harsh airflow and her head became woozy. She was slipping away.

“Quick, Y/N. What reminds you of three?”

“What?” She asked breathlessly. But her mind was already too weak to really question Bucky’s behavior.

Urgency laced his tone as he stroked her jaw with his thumbs. “Just answer.”

“A - a- triangle.”

“Good, four.”

“A car?” Her wide eyes relaxed a bit as she began thinking about the number.

Bucky nodded eagerly, his face so close to hers. “You’re doing amazing, doll. Five.”

Five... there was nothing with five! Oh no. Her head was hurting again. “I- don’t, Bucky I don’t know!” The panic flooded back into her eyes, her breathing picking up again as well.

“Don’t worry, ok? We’ll do starfish.”

“OK. Starfisch, yeah.”

“Six. Count with me.”

“Sss- six. Dice.”

“Perfect.”

“Seven. Dwarves.”

“Look at you, Y/N/N,” Bucky whispered with a smile.

“Eight. Octopus.”

“You’re okay. Breathe.”

Y/N nodded and took a deep breath. To her surprise, it worked so much better than seconds before. When she realized that, she closed her eyes for a second, letting the tears burn in her eyes again. She couldn’t help it she was just so overwhelmed.

“Shhhh, you did so good, doll. You are so brave.” Bucky pulled her into him and for the first time today, Y/N was surrounded by silence. Even her thoughts seemed to have quieted down with the way Bucky’s arm squeezed her head. His other hand firmly pressed between her shoulder blades. The pressure was good. It was what she needed. Y/n could feel Bucky’s rapid heartbeat in her chest once her own had calmed down a bit. She inhaled deeply one more time, this time, catching a load of Bucky which just calmed her down even quicker.

“You’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay, you’re safe. I promise.” The mumbles drew through her hair in calming waves. Gently subsiding the aching pounding in Y/N’s head. Bucky’s hand rubbed up and down her back. He just held her there for minutes. The heavy sobs silenced in his shirt. He didn’t ask what had happened, just let her cry until there were no more tears left in her exhausted body. Y/N would tell him. She had decided that a long time ago. The promise the pair had spoken the other day just sealed that decision.

Her eyes were hurting. The burning sensation brought soreness to her cheeks as well. A gentle tug made his head move down to her. Y/N had already lifted her head to look at him with an unreadable look in her eyes. And perhaps it was so indistinct because she herself did not quite know what she wanted to convey. She just sulked in the serenity Bucky brought to her. The proximity wasn’t scary, nor did she feel as though what was happening made him uncomfortable. A small smile snuck its way onto her face and soon, Bucky followed. His arms were still tight around her, holding her close to his heart, making sure she was okay.

“Do you need anything?” Bucky whispered, careful not to break the moment. It didn’t seem forced. Y/N could feel the genuine concern oozing from his tone with every word he carefully pressed into the air. She just shook her head before laying it back onto his chest.

“Just you.” His grip tightened, a shaky sigh eluding his chest as Y/N felt his head nodding above hers.

Bucky was leaning against the wall in the foyer, eyes closing to Y/N’s steady breaths. Her head felt empty. That was, despite the nagging urge to tell him everything. Bucky was so patient, so unbelievably patient and calm. A rock in the current and he probably didn’t even know it. He deserved to know every little thing she had thought about during their short time in Westview. But Y/N was scared. She was frightened to lose the one good thing she had always hoped to have if she took it too far. Because as much as this town was a nightmare right now, it simultaneously presented a fantasy that had settled in Y/N’s head long before she had reimagined it a thousand times.

Y/N’s hand found the dog tags dangling on Bucky’s chest. Her fingers played with the metal, gentle clinging filling the silence that had established in the house.

It was time to break it. “Where did you learn that?” Y/N asked carefully. She didn’t want to push him into his reserved state with the question. It was just her attempt of expressing thankfulness for the deed Bucky had done just now.

“My therapist taught me.”

She just nodded understandingly. Another twig of worry and pain shot through her body at the thought of Bucky having to battle attacks like this alone. Then again, maybe he wanted it that way. Because he had all these people around him and he chose not to talk to them. Y/n understood it now. She was glad he had Bucky holding her right now, but there really was no desire to talk to anybody else about it. Maybe Steve had been that person, or maybe his therapist had replaced any friend he could have possibly needed.

The thought still made her sad, and in an attempt to soften her worries for the an in her embrace, she spoke up again.

“So the winter soldier thinks of starfish when he needs to calm down.”

Bucky just chuckled and pressed his nose deeper into her hair. “It helped, didn’t it?”

“It did.” When he pulled back, he smoothed over her hair with his hand, eventually settling on her jaw and tilting her head so he could look into her eyes. Her hand covered his, gently stroking over the calloused skin as a small smile spread on his features.

“Thank you, Bucky.” A sincere and soft melody overtook her brain and mixed with the butterflies stirring in her stomach. Y/N had never felt closer to Bucky than at this very moment. And when his gaze didn't falter with his response, it sent a comfortable shiver up her spine.

“Anytime.”

Y/N could have watched his eyes forever. It was too easy to get in lost in them when he looked at her like that. As if there was nothing shameful about staring at someone for that long. And it didn’t feel weird. The hand on her skin spread comfort over the parts of her body it had not reached before. He looked very kissable right about now. Not that he didn’t most of the time, but right now the urge was especially present. Y/N was scared though. Despite the closeness of the pair, she had no way of knowing how he would react if she tried. Maybe he was just a friend that cared very deeply for her well-being, but Y/n really wished that she could interpret more into this interaction.

Her face inched closer to his but when her nose almost brushed his, he moved back. Oh. Oh. He still smiled though, nervously. “Should I make us some tea?”

Bucky shuffled to his feet and held his hand out for her to take. Y/N just nodded in defeat. What a silly thought that had been. They were still here. Stuck in a weird town and he had just comforted her after a panic attack. Which he was good at because he suffered from them as well. There was literally nothing to interpret into this - whatever it was. A fake marriage. Emphasis on fake. But for some reason that stung a little more today.

Y/N leaned against the doorframe of the kitchen as she watched the muscles under his shirt move to handle the cups. It was funny, really, how perfectly Bucky fit into this domestic lifestyle, even if he was certain he would not, just like Y/N was sure that this all was just a dream. Because why on earth would she deserve to live in a dream like that? Well... it slowly became a nightmare anyway.

It was a couple of minutes later when Bucky led her up to her bedroom, two steaming mugs of tea in hand and a tension in his shoulders Y/N had seen decorate his frame too often. She didn’t like that she was the reason for his closed-off attitude. She also didn’t like that this whole situation probably made him beyond uncomfortable. But at the same time, she felt an undeniable urge to be close to him - to need him right this moment. It was the same as just before when she had come storming into the house, crying and breaking down on the hallway floor. But right now, it was laced with something other than the desperation she had felt just half an hour before. It was a softer, lighter pull towards those flannel-clad arms of his. These two perfectly normal arms, on which the hand attached to the left bore a ring just the same as hers. A promise, a contract even, that had never been made.

Y/N’s heart sank at the thought. As domestic as this felt and - in some way - was, it would never become an actual reality for her. She knew that. But it still pained her and she had yet to find a way to deal with that emotion.

Bucky pushed past the bedroom door and placed the two mugs on the nightstand. Then he patted the comforter next to him and motioned for Y/N to sit. She did, but she held her distance. Pulling her knees closer to her chest as her back touched the headboard. It was silent then, but her mind was anything but. She needed to tell him about the flowers and how uneasy she had felt ever since they had come here. She had promised him after all, just the other night. ‘we’re in this together’ he had said. And he had meant it. Y/N could see it in his eyes.

Bucky just sat in silence, seemingly waiting for her to speak and break the unbearable silence that had taken over the air in the room. His eyes were locked straight ahead as Y/n watched his profile from the end of the bed. He looked empty and drained. And for a second Y/N questioned whether laying yet another troublesome thought upon him would actually worsen the state he found himself in. But she also felt it pressing onto her consciousness and weighing her down in ways far more fatal than a simple white lie. Even though the wasn’t even lying to him. She was simply withholding information. Information she had promised to give as soon as it arrived, that was.

A deep breath loosened her shoulders enough to straighten up her posture, and that gave her the last bit of push she needed to actually follow through with what she was about to do.

“I imagined more you know?” Wow. Her voice sounded so much weaker than she expected it. She hated it. It made her sound weak, and that was the last thing she wanted to be right now.

Buck’s head piqued up in interest, his brows slightly furrowed but there was intrigue lingering on his face.

“The Hydrangeas... I- I don’t know what it is but they make me so uncomfortable. They’re beautiful, but they are just too perfect, you know? Almost as if they were mocking me...” She trailed off. Her head shook as she looked at her fingernails.

Bucky didn’t answer, but Y/N could feel his eyes boring into her. She sighed and closed her eyes for another shot of encouragement.

“They’re out of my dream.”

“You dreamt about this?” There was a rasp hidden in the second word. Almost unnoticeable to anyone else, but it was there. And now that she looked at him in the bright room, she could see his eyes red-rimmed and glassy. Faint, but present nonetheless.

“Well... not like that.” Yeah like that, she scolded herself. But that was a tad too embarrassing to admit out loud. And for a second, Y/N really doubted whether telling Bucky was a good idea.

The brunette just chuckled as he watched his feet on the hardwood floor. He had his hands resting on the edge of the bed next to his legs, his head hung low, hiding his expressions from her.

“But I’ve thought about what a normal life would be like.” Y/N continued. She had promised him after all, so she would clear this up for him and for her as well.

“And hydrangeas were the top things you thought of?” His eyes found hers again.

“Well... yes. Partly.” This felt humiliating. For some inexplainable reason, Y/N felt the heat crawl to her head the second she realized how stupid it was to get hung up on such a small detail. There was just one thing: it didn’t feel like a small detail.

“What else?” The conversation had somehow turned light with his question. And even though Y/N felt the need to tell him everything she ever dreamed of, just in hopes of reliving her deepest desires in - if you could call this - real life, there was some sliver of common sense holding her back. The last thing she wanted to do was scare Bucky away, or overwhelm him. Or even worse, make him feel uncomfortable. God knew how long they were going to be stuck in Westview. And confessing that she had dreamt about them actually being together might make things a little... awkward.

“I don’t think I can tell you that.”

Silence and Y/N cringed at the path she had stirred this conversation. But then: “I understand.”

“Really?” It wasn’t that surprising, to be honest. Y/N had always felt understood by Bucky. He had this special thing about him that always made her feel okay. He wasn’t the one to poke for answers, and that attribute came in handy right about now.

“I’ve thought about it too... A normal life I mean.” Bucky’s stare focused on the wall opposite of him, where a wide mirror decorated a good amount of wall above a cabinet.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Carefully, yet nosy as ever, Y/N asked the question that burned on her tongue.

The brunette just hummed in response. What was that supposed to mean? For some reason, it didn’t feel like a response right then, but more of a reaction to her ever-steady intrigue. But she couldn't help it. Y/N wanted to know more about Bucky. She already did know quite a lot of things, but those were all work-related in the sense that she had gotten that information through files and other sources. Her relationship with Bucky had always been friendly in the compound. However, Bucky never really shared personal information with her. Which was okay! No, really it totally was. Nobody knew that feeling of wanting to bury their past better than Y/N herself. But at the same time, she wanted to hear all about it from him.

While Y/N’s mind began to spiral again, Bucky started to speak again. Though his voice was a little lower this time - melancholic almost. “I imagined a small house outside of the city. A radio and maybe a TV.” He blushed. “It’s an old fantasy.”

Y/N just smiled. It was cute. Somehow, the image of Bucky dreaming of something as trivial as a radio warmed her heart. It put in perspective, how small her problems were right now. Compared to a person fighting for their life in war with the fantasy of a family home with something as luxuriously mundane as a radio keeping them going seemed a lot bigger than being stuck in a magical town with a fake husband who happened to be her long-time crush.

“I always thought I would marry a pretty dame. I would make her laugh and she would marry me after I proposed to her on the Brooklyn bridge.” A low shake of his head interrupted his speech. “And I would feel like the luckiest man alive because someone chose to love me forever.”

“That’s beautiful, Bucky.”

“It’s silly to hold onto now.”

“You can still have it all.”

“Can I?” What did that mean? His eyes broke into hers. And why did he ask her that question?

“I think so. Why wouldn’t it be possible?”

Bucky just watched her intently. There was an intensity burning in his eyes she had seen before. It was tempting - pushing her towards something she didn’t know, yet so incredibly enticing.

Y/N really wanted to help him, tell him that things would be okay, even if she couldn’t quite grasp why Bucky would doubt himself after everything he had accomplished for himself in the past year. In her mind there was not really anything standing in the way of Bucky and his happiness, so why the stare?

A solid minute passed before he finally shook out of it he mumbled a silent ‘I don’t know. You tell me.’ in the dark room. Y/N just stayed silent, the steaming cups on the nightstand long forgotten as she fumbled with the hem of her shirt. And then... all of a sudden, Bucky laughed. It wasn’t a long nor a loud one, but it was there and it definitely eased the tension that had slowly been sneaking back into the air.

“I feel like we had that conversation before.” He confessed averting his gaze.

Y/N instantly missed the blue boring into her. But she smiled anyway. “I think we did.” The corners of her mouth saddened again. “I’m sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable...”

“I don’t mind it, really.” He looked at her again and Y/N’s heart sped up at the moment. “Having these conversations with you. I ... I don’t know. It makes me feel better. I feel like I learn more about you too. And that’s important to me.”

Bucky wanted to know more about her. That message alone made her feel as if she was on cloud nine. The beat in which her heart pounded in her chest picked up once more and the close proximity she had to him did not necessarily help in that accord. He was so close. And not only physically, but spiritually, she felt more connected to him than ever. Y/N had needed that: A conversation with a friend. Talking about something deep and bothersome and being understood. Bucky was that person - considerate and understanding. And it warmed her to know that, right now, all that consideration and understanding was spent on her.

With all the excitement, a sudden nervousness overtook her body with gradual power. This was a Bucky not many people could experience; and even though Y/N loved having this carefree version of him around her, she couldn’t help but let the voice worrying about 'how long this would last' stir anxiety into her cocktail of emotions. It was fast and sneaky. She didn’t look, she wasn’t guarding them enough to control the outcome this evening would have. But unfortunately for her, the fear settling in her shook her to the bone.

Bucky noticed the tremor in her body as he turned to her. A soft hand laid on her arm, stroking it soothingly when he asked her with concern in his blue eyes: “Are you going to be okay?”

And there it was again. That damn sweet look and the care and - really she wished it to be love - in those painfully beautiful eyes. For her.

Y/N’s mind was running a mile a minute, the colorful cocktail of emotions mixing further and further until it was a messy brown that swallowed individual feelings and made everything seem dull. And somehow, she still felt like that bland piece of bread again. No full emotions, everything blended in one and none of it could be experienced whole. And before she could stop herself from doing so, Y/N’s mouth let the words tumble right out of her.

“Actually... would you mind staying with me tonight?” Oh. My. God. She did not just say that.

Bucky’s motions stopped, the look of concern somehow deepening in the creases and dimples on his face. It felt like minutes, really, of him just sitting there frozen in motion, a blank look on his face. But then, she shook out of it and a small smile appeared on his face.

Embarrassment seeped through her body. This had been stupid. It was crossing the line of the beautiful friendship/ fake marriage the couple had established and it was making him uncomfortable. Oh God - Bucky probably dint know how to tell her just how uncomfortable it made him. And now he was sitting there smiling awkwardly, wishing this situation over with. Y/N slipped her feet beneath the covers and tried to hide her whole body beneath the sheets. She was about to say something along the lines of ‘you don’t have to if you think it’s weird’ when he finally opened his mouth.

“Sure.” Bucky blushed a little. And the rosy taint on his cheeks was the only thing telling Y/N that he was in fact real and not just a fragment of her imagination when he kicked off his shoes and slipped under the covers that Y/N had already crawled under. He didn’t come closer though, staying on his side of the bed like a lost puppy. The soft hues of the hallway light fell through the little opening of the door when Y/N turned to look at him. He was already turned to her, his eyes showing no embarrassment as they bore through to her.

“You’re okay, right? Like this helped. Or can I do anything else for you?” Even though the question seemed a little weird and rushed, Bucky looked genuinely concerned for her. Y/N figured he had probably not had so many deep conversations and was just trying his best to, well... make her feel comfortable. Unfortunately, though, the distance between the pair just seemed to make Y/N a little more unsettled. As if Bucky were to slip away as soon as she closed her eyes and fell into dreamland.

“Just promise me you won’t leave...” A single tear strayed from her eyes and rolled down her cheek before hitting the pillow. Moments like this made it just a little harder to stay strong. It reminded her of all the beautiful people she had lost over the years. All the friendships that lived only within her heart. And all the lessons she had learned from them.

Bucky was quick to catch a second one by soothing his hand forward and gently stroking her face, and somehow taking the sadness with it. The touch of his thumb shot tingles through her body, and when he moved closer and his hand wandered to her waist, there was another sensation pooling in her stomach - exciting and soft.

“C’mere.” He whispered through the darkness, pulling her closer and holding her to his chest. Y/N embraced his soft and welcoming touch. Bucky’s nose buried in her neck when he began to talk again. “Doll, I promise you: I will never leave you. I’d miss you too much for that.”

She held onto that promise quite literally as Y/N wrapped her arms around Bucky’s torso, feeling every stroke he placed on her back and pulling the covers even higher over the both of them. Bucky was warm. The heat radiating off his muscular chest spread gradually through her body from the place her body touched him. It wasn’t hot, though. No. It was cozy, and warm, and safe.

Bucky didn’t know it yet, but he was the most important thing Y/N held onto these days. A person, a friend, - who was she kidding, even more than that - who made her life better and who could equally make it worse if he were to leave... just like a lot of others had done - even if it was not willingly.

𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓

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