#and hes no longer terminally ill. but he is at constant risk

[chemzee]

Morg doodles

[liddolwitch]

Sharing my personal opinions, I am not every person lmfao

ARCANE S2 SPOILERS (ep 1-3)

tw/cw: Viktor, disability, body dysmorphia, weight changes, suicide, I think that's all?

Okay! I cannot stop thinking about how it would feel to be in Viktor's position right now. There's a lot going on, but I want to start with the fact that this is someone who contemplated suicide not too long ago. Everything we knew up to the attack indicates he wanted to live at that point, but the suicidal ideation must be kept in mind. That being said, it's a clear parallel to Jinx being saved by Singed. Side note, I think Jinx's reflexes might not let her die anymore.

Anyway! He did not want to be saved. He had made Jayce promise to destroy it previously, and this is the ultimate betrayal; regardless of Jayce's intent. At best, he trusted his own judgement over Viktor's after promising otherwise. That kind of integration was against everything Viktor wanted and believed. So there's a huge loss of autonomy, which is traumatic. It's also a theme very familiar to people with disabilities, especially ones that affect mobility and/or are degenerative. I cannot imagine that kind of situation would not be a trigger.

In regards to body stuff, he's completely different now. Any change in your physical body that you're not in control of can be absolutely terrifying. Weight fluctuation and minor scarring can have huge effects on a person's sense of self and self-esteem. Those are only the two I'm currently dealing with. These are changes visible to everyone in a way Viktor's clearly not comfortable with. There's often a feeling of moral impurity that unfortunately is part of the grief caused by disability. It's also a common effect of long-standing trauma in general (especially C-PTSD). Viktor is now only alive because of a weapon he felt needed to be destroyed at the cost of his life's work.

Jayce justifies himself by saying, "I never asked for this!" As if that hasn't been a constant thread in Viktor's life. I'm certain the line was meant to draw attention to that, but to me it indicates just how little Jayce recognized the loss of autonomy for Viktor.

For days? weeks? months? the people around Viktor have been telling him that they're sorry, but it's his lot in life to die young. That it's unfortunate his life's work can't be completed, but that's just how it is. Then, the closest person in the world to him completely disregards that sentiment, when it was clearly a line no one was willing to cross prior. Viktor himself had made the choice not to proceed.

I'm just thinking about a lot. People with terminal illnesses often aren't allowed to die with dignity and by their own volition in a comfortable way. Othertimes, people who are ill cannot receive the treatment they choose because other people determine the risk to be too great. Occasionally, people will be pushed to go through with treatments they'd rather not have, just for the chance to live a bit longer with low quality of life. Regardless of the situation, Viktor has never been allowed to call the shots.

I was really worried about how they would choose to force Viktor down this path. I thought maybe he would simply choose the risk of the hexcore over the pain or fear of death/dying. I was scared other people wouldn't understand that and there would be little sympathy from people who have never had to make choices like that (quality of life vs time, but also work vs rest when working harms you). I think it offers so much more room for exploration of Viktor's feelings and perspectives now that he didn't get that choice. I really hope they choose to dive into that.

[justanandroid]

As someone who has depression, constant back pain, and no much muscle mass, it's nothing compared to him, but I confirm that every time you lay down is such a relief for your whole body.

There are some days you don't want to do anything, not even eat or take a shower. You just have so much tiredness of mind and body that you just want to lay down and sleep for a week.

It's not that I'm lazy, I even think that of myself, that I should get my ass up and be more active, but your body is not willing to do it and your mind neither.

And I want so much to be like the rest of people my age, so active, that get done so much things in a day, and when they get things done they don't stop but go partying instead, who are fit and do sports well. I love doing sports, I wish I was good at them, but I don't have the physic to stand out and neither do I have the energy to train.

Anyways, I hope you understand that Viktor's illness is serious, terminal, and it unables him to live, it hurts. I see people admiring his slim figure and prominent jaw/cheekbones but with how thin he is that means that he has had poor nutrition, I'm sure his organs and immune system don't function optimally.*

Have you seen his back? Imagine the procedure that had to be done to decrease his back pain and how it feels for him, also having to wear that harness, leg mechanism and cane to be able to just move around.

His terminal illness gets increasingly worse and he can do nothing about it, his body shuts down progressively. Plus all the stress, lack of rest, and effort from working on hextech projects and trying to desperately find a cure for himself, take an additional toll on him.

In conclusion, don't romanticize Viktor's illness and physic because it's something that makes him suffer and is life consuming. Pain makes you no longer yourself, you close to others, isolate yourself, you get irritable, you get depressed, you wish to fix it but if seeing it isn't possible, you just wish it ends.

* As someone who had anorexia, yeah, that way I achieved the look, at the cost of my kidneys with risk of failure, atrophied small intestine, absolute loss of muscle mass, probable lack of calcium, etc. And it's a looong way to recover.

I empathize with Viktor because I can imagine his pain and all the difficulties he goes through; and I admire him because despite all of those difficulties and pain, he has fought to live, to be better, and to bring useful, good change to the world.

some of y’all have never experienced chronic pain and it shows

[regina-georg-blog]

Trans Activism and Ur-Fascism

So, you know how trans activists are constantly insisting that so-called “terfs” are Nazis or fascists?  Well I’m in a trolling mood, so just for fun, lets compare the contemporary trans movement to Umberto Eco’s fourteen-point definition of fascism.  How many characteristics of fascism does trans activism share?

“The Cult of Tradition" characterized by cultural syncretism, even at the risk of internal contradiction. When all truth has already been revealed by Tradition, no new learning can occur, only further interpretation and refinement. This point is debatable I guess, depending on your definition of “tradition.” The contemporary trans movement certainly relies on a rigid dogma from which “no new learning can occur,” but it’s not necessarily tied to nostalgia and it’s certainly not a form of nationalism.

"The Rejection of Modernism" which views the rationalistic development of Western culture since the Enlightenment as a descent into depravity. Eco distinguishes this from a rejection of superficial technological advancement, as many fascist regimes cite their industrial potency as proof of the vitality of their system. Like other post-modernist movements the contemporary trans movement absolutely rejects modernism and reason while embracing and even glorifying new technologies that serve its purposes.  This one is pretty open and shut.

"The Cult of Action for Action's Sake” which dictates that action is of value in itself, and should be taken without intellectual reflection. This, says Eco, is connected with anti-intellectualism and irrationalism, and often manifests in attacks on modern culture and science. The same as the previous point. Contemporary trans activism is based in post-modern queer theory, which rejects science and reason as tools of oppression. Contemporary trans activism promotes an ethos of “action for action’s sake,” by celebrating violence, disruptive spectacle, and constant struggle, and by discouraging critical thinking and introspection.

"Disagreement Is Treason" Fascism devalues intellectual discourse and critical reasoning as barriers to action, as well as out of fear that such analysis will expose the contradictions embodied in a syncretistic faith. Contemporary trans activists circulate “terf” block lists and try to suppress “terf” rhetoric because they know that their ideology is internally contradictory, and they fear that it will collapse under critical scrutiny.

"Fear of Difference" which fascism seeks to exploit and exacerbate, often in the form of racism or an appeal against foreigners and immigrants. Despite the racism of some trans activists, contemporary trans activism does not rely on racism or xenophobia, so this point doesn’t really match up.  However, contemporary trans activism absolutely relies on the demonization of marginalized out-groups, especially lesbians.

"Appeal to a Frustrated Middle Class" fearing economic pressure from the demands and aspirations of lower social groups. Contemporary trans activism does not rely on an economic appeal.  However, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that alienated, downwardly-mobile, middle class white males are its primary constituents.

"Obsession with a Plot" and the hyping-up of an enemy threat. This often combines an appeal to xenophobia with a fear of disloyalty and sabotage from marginalized groups living within the society. This point is pretty obvious.  Contemporary trans activism is obsessed with a non-existent “terf” conspiracy.  The movement also promotes an extremely paranoid worldview, teaching its followers that everyone is out to get them and encouraging an unhealthy hyper-vigilance about trivial things like “misgendering.”

Fascist societies rhetorically cast their enemies as "at the same time too strong and too weak." On the one hand, fascists play up the power of certain disfavored elites to encourage in their followers a sense of grievance and humiliation. On the other hand, fascist leaders point to the decadence of those elites as proof of their ultimate feebleness in the face of an overwhelming popular will.  See the “terf” conspiracy.  Contemporary trans activism promotes the idea that its followers are under constant existential threat from powerful and dangerous “terfs,” while simultaneously crowing about how ugly, uncool, unpopular and politically marginalized “terfs” supposedly are.

"Pacifism is Trafficking with the Enemy" because "Life is Permanent Warfare" – there must always be an enemy to fight. This is evidenced by the fact that contemporary trans activism can never be satisfied and must constantly move the goalposts to maintain a state of permanent struggle.  No matter how much trans activists claim to want to eliminate “terfs,” they need “terfs” to oppose them in order to justify their movement’s existence.  If every single woman on earth acquiesced to all of their demands, they would still never be satisfied.  No level of submission will ever be enough to make peace with them, because they don’t actually want peace.

"Contempt for the Weak" which is uncomfortably married to a chauvinistic popular elitism, in which every member of society is superior to outsiders by virtue of belonging to the in-group.  Contemporary trans activism resembles a cult, in this respect.  Followers are encouraged to believe that their edgy haircuts and obscure micro-identities make them morally superior to the unenlightened “cis” masses. 

"Everybody is Educated to Become a Hero" which leads to the embrace of a cult of death. As Eco observes, "the Ur-Fascist hero is impatient to die. In his impatience, he more frequently sends other people to death." The contemporary trans movement aggressively promotes and glamorizes mental illness, self-harm, and suicide as markers of authenticity and righteous victimhood.  In turn, trans activists’ fixation on their own supposed victimhood is used to justify their victimization of others. 

"Machismo" which sublimates the difficult work of permanent war and heroism into the sexual sphere. Fascists thus hold "both disdain for women and intolerance and condemnation of nonstandard sexual habits, from chastity to homosexuality."  The contemporary trans movement is intensely misogynistic and homophobic.  Among the straight male leaders of the movement, it’s easy to see a kind of machismo in drag.  Despite the superficial trappings of femininity such as makeup and clothing, most male trans activists exhibit stereotypical masculine behaviors, including aggression, sadism, narcissism, sexual entitlement, emotional fragility, and contempt for weakness.

"Selective Populism" – The People, conceived monolithically, have a Common Will, distinct from and superior to the viewpoint of any individual. As no mass of people can ever be truly unanimous, the Leader holds himself out as the interpreter of the popular will (though truly he dictates it). Fascists use this concept to delegitimize democratic institutions they accuse of "no longer represent[ing] the Voice of the People." While the contemporary trans movement lacks a single Leader who can speak for everyone in it, it does have a small vanguard that dictates its Common Will.  The contemporary trans movement conceives of its constituents as a monolith who all share the same interests and dogmatic opinions.  Any trans-identified person who rejects this dogma is smeared as an enemy and often said to be “not really trans.”

"Newspeak" – Fascism employs and promotes an impoverished vocabulary in order to limit critical reasoning.  This point speaks for itself.  One of the most obvious features of contemporary trans activism is its heavy use of obnoxious jargon and its aggressive sloganeering and cult-like repetition of thought-terminating clichés.

[okiekp13]

Mind over Matter

To say that society let science get a bit out of hand would be an understatement; between the constant strive to find cures for terminal illnesses or splicing DNA for “top secret” projects it was hard to figure out where exactly it all went wrong when scientists decided to play god. As a result of failed projects and outbreaks of viruses that took over the human population, there was only one option for survival and that was what all creatures do to survive...evolve. After years and years of evolution, there were some that were born just little bit extra different that couldn’t fit in with normal society. It was these individuals that were hunted down by the military or worse to be used in wars or as more science projects.

A small squad of men with heavy artillery guns was scanning the alleys of old Chicago on a mission to find a girl they had gotten a tip about from some “concerned citizens” who had seen her display her abilities recently. The girl had nearly been run over by a semi truck but she had stopped it by putting up a barrier around herself stopping the truck in its tracks demolishing the whole front end in front of a lot of people. The girl had panicked and ran off afterward. The squad was dispatched from a military compound outside the city; known for its shady activities...anyone who entered usually never left besides their soldiers.

Running down the alleyways she knew like the back of her hand; Ash ran until her lungs were burning. Once she could no longer hear the men following her she stopped to catch her breath; she scanned the area around her for a place to go, peeking around the corner of the building she hid behind she could see the men just beginning to walk down the alleyway she ran down. Trying for calm she looked for options and chose to run down the alley she was in and then blend into the crowd on the main sidewalk. Stealth was a skill she was proud of; slipping into the crowd seamlessly once she reached the end of the alley and headed toward her home as long as no one interrupted her along the way.

Feeling confident those on her tail were left far behind she slipped into her apartment building checking over her shoulder as she ascended the stairs to the third level where her apartment was located. Everything sounded the same as she drew close to her apartment; even her neighbor Mrs. Cramer was yelling at her tele about a character in her drama being a trifling cheat, bringing a small smirk to the girl’s lips. Drawing her keys from her pocket the girl opened her apartment and eyed her apartment for any disturbances before shutting her door and locking it. Not a thing was out of place, breathing a sigh of relief she tossed her keys into a bowl by the door and peeled her jacket off and hung it up before heading to her kitchen to get a much-needed caffeine fix. It was a close call that day; she knew they would send someone to look for her after her display a while back, but what was she supposed to do let the truck hit her and kill her? She didn’t even know she could do that to a truck her abilities had been minuscule in their usefulness thus far until that day. Not to mention afterward she suffered a pretty epic nosebleed from the exertion. Sighing she leaned back against her couch and closed her eyes; her muscles were very displeased with the strain put on them from running, but it wasn’t anything a hot shower couldn’t fix and maybe a pint of ice cream. With her eyes still closed she was starting to nod off until she felt a disturbance...something wasn’t right she could feel it; the energy around her felt overly charged like there was something coming and she had a feeling it was for her. Jumping up she pulled on her shoes getting ready to bail as soon as she found out which direction her attackers were coming from, her only warning was the deep rumble of a chopper above the building and then men dressed in black breaking through her windows off of ropes. Grabbing her door she was unlocking it faster than she ever had in her life.

“Ash Maddox! You are being detained by order of the city of Chicago’s threat council.” A man assumed to be the general of the group said as he stood in the middle of her living room.

“W-what?”

Ash didn’t have time to process that she needed to get away she knew these military types were from that side-show lab where people were taken and never returned; turned into science projects for the government or whatever she wasn’t going to be a part of it. As she started to bolt out of her door she was shot with an energy burst gun; dropping her in a twitching heap rendering her defenseless on the floor in the hallway. The soldiers crowded her and picked her up not all to gently before headed back to her broken windows where the ropes to the chopper were waiting; struggle as she might she was weak sauce against these men and they were armed to the teeth while she was barely able to resist against their strength. Panic took over and she felt herself seizing up; her body was still jittery from being hit by the energy gun which was only used for stunning people but wow it packed a punch. Digging her heels in the carpet as she might she was still easily dragged along; a soldier cuffed her hands behind her back and picked her up like a sack of potatoes before clipping his harness to the rope to be hoisted up; Ash struggled and kicked but it didn’t seem to phase the soldier at all.

Seeing the street below and the people standing around recording her being kidnapped was not how she expected her day to go; nor the lovely treatment of being tossed on the chopper floor when the soldier reached the top of the rope. Ash was grabbed by another soldier and tossed into a small holding space and as charming as the small four by four space was she was not happy about it. Glaring at the soldiers didn’t really do anything to help her situation but she didn’t want to keep her eyes off them for even a moment. Options were limited on what she could do to get out of her situation; not like she would know where they were going or how much ground they have covered while she sat in the holding space.

A soldier squatted in front of her little-caged area pulling down his mask only to reveal a very nasty smile that had a cold chill running down her spine. What did they want? Who even where they and threat council her ass she had done nothing to garner such hostility she had only protected herself from being hit by a truck.

“Well, Ms. Maddox now that we have a moment; do you plan on being civil and speaking.” He sneered.

“I haven’t done anything to be kidnapped for so you can start by explaining yourself.” She spat. “Oh on the contrary Ms. Maddox; you destroyed a semi truck in the middle of the street with plenty of witnesses to testify what they saw.”

“The truck was going to hit me! Should I have just let it mow me down? What would you have done?!”

“You see Ms. Maddox it's not about what you did; it's how you did it. An ability like yours is quite valuable and such a valuable ability must be protected and utilized by the proper authorities don’t you think?” He chuckled darkly.

“I’m not going to be a dog for your sick scientists or you're messed up military goons.”

“We’ll see about that because as far as I can tell you have no one that will be missing you or coming for you, maybe you should think about that a bit before we arrive.”

The man pulled up his mask again and moved away from her line of vision. What a prick. Ash pushed herself as far back as space would allow her; the metal was thinner toward the back, it was cooler than the rest of the area she was in...chewing on her lip she formulated a plan. Was she strong enough to withstand the mental strength it would take for a fall that high up? She was going to have to risk it; closing her eyes she tried to focus on how she was going to implement her plan of punching a hole through the weak spot of metal and bail hoping they wouldn’t open fire on her as she fell. Making quick work of her cuffs she rubbed her wrists before eyeing the soldiers to see if they were watching her. Night had fallen before long and she could feel the temp drop from that high up; it was now or never. Using her mind she built a barrier around her to muffle any noise she made...the soldiers would be able to see through it like it wasn’t there but that's what she wanted, bringing her hand over the weak point of metal it didn’t take too much power to punch a hole big enough for her to fit through. When no one was looking her way she slipped through it and crawled to the railing under the chopper; they were moving quite fast and she had a feeling no matter where she decided to fall...it was going to hurt. The wind was whipping at her hair and stinging her cheeks as she looked for a suitable area to drop. When they were going over a heavily wooded area she let go and formed a barrier around herself to protect her from being shot and hopefully her fall too.

Inside the chopper, the barrier disintegrated and the air pressure change threw off the chopper before the pilot got it right again, the general looked into the holding space and cursed to high heaven as he opened the side door of the chopper only to see his catch free falling. Grabbing the machine gun attached to the chopper he opened fire towards her, bullets soon ricocheted off her barrier but she was growing weak and wouldn’t be able to hold up the barrier for much longer. Ash could already feel blood running from her nose; wiping it away with the back of her hand she cursed as the trees grew closer and closer the impact was going to suck. The barrier was starting to waver and if the searing pain now running through her side was any indication the general had made a shot, pain burned through her making her pull on any strength she had left to minimize the hit of the impact, she crashed through the trees and hit a few branches going down before falling into a heap on the ground amongst the leaves. The chopper became a distant noise, but Ash was sure they would be on their way back to scout for her.

“Shitty landing but overall I’m not dead yet,” Ash mumbled to herself smirking.

Moving proved to be more than excruciating but she couldn’t stay still for long if she wanted to survive, her little daredevil escape would be worthless if she got caught by those soldiers. Assessing the damage done; a few ribs felt broken but she could handle it, thanks to the ever so forgiving branches on the way down. The bullet hole through her side was a bit alarming; pulling off her t-shirt she tied it around her waist to put pressure on it over her tank top...which just felt wonderfully painful.

“Fuck!” Ash hissed as she finished tying the knot and staggering to her feet.

The nosebleed had lessened thankfully; probably since blood was seeping out elsewhere. Ash trekked through the woods careful not to leave an easy trail for them to track her with, thank you girl scouts for that lesson. She came across a stream; stepping over some rocks she walked from rock to rock in the water until she spotted a few rocks piled up over a hill. Thankfully the moon was providing adequate enough light for her to see where she was walking without falling face first in a pit of snakes or something, the piled up rocks proved to be an abandoned bear den...crawling inside she moved all the way to back of the den. Old shedded fur was still laying everywhere; it was probably abandoned a while ago as there was no indication of recent activity in the tracks in the dirt. The chopper sounded above as it was circling around no doubt trying to spot her with night vision or something. After holding her breath for what felt like hours the chopper finally seemed to leave the area...probably to go back for reinforcements in finding her...lovely. Ash was feeling her strength seeping out of her...she was losing blood fast but there wasn’t much she could do about that at the moment and her broken ribs were making her wheeze. She had to admit though that there were worse ways to go than in a bear den...better than being sliced and diced by scientists any day. Ash was starting to lose feeling in her fingers and toes from the cold night air, her consciousness weaving in and out as she laid propped up against the rock wall, wheezing as her chest ached from broken ribs. How long had she been lying there now? She wasn’t sure...not until the early morning hours shone cobalt blue through the opening of the den. Not being very coherent she was numb to the sight of black booted feet making an appearance at the opening of the den, she could hear talking but couldn’t hear anything like her ears were muffled, she was scared but could barely move at all even as the boots entered the den and got closer to her. Looking up she couldn’t even see the face that belonged to the boots just a dark silhouette of a man.

“Shit this is bad. SEND IN SUGA AND JIN NOW!”

More shadows moved into the den...Ash feared the worse, were they soldiers from the compound or what? As two of the shadows moved closer she tried to move away only to let out a strangled noise of pain as fresh blood seeped from her side and out her nose too. Warm hands held her still as she wheezed through the pain.

“Shit this isn’t going to be easy to fix here; we need to get her out of here. Radio Hope to bring the ATV down here Kook this is serious.” Jin commanded.

Kook left the den to see V waiting for him radio already in hand; calling for Hope to bring the vehicle down to the stream with blankets. Inside the den, Jin was digging in his duffle of supplies until he pulled out gauze and tape to at least try to hold off her bleeding to death. Suga worked on untying her shirt around her waist, an unintentionally strong tug jostled her making her groan before she started to tremble.

“Shit, Jin I think she's going into shock.”

Jin was quick about his work and replaced her shirt with gauze and tape to seal the wound temporarily, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her before grabbing an IV bag and inserting the needle to the line into her arm and taping it. It wasn’t much but it would help her until they got to their compound. The sound of the Atv was welcome as Suga and Jin carefully picked her up and walked out of the den, they had to lay her across the back seat and secure her with straps while everyone else either sat on the wheel wells or the back of the ATV on the way back to the compound. Ash was delirious at this point; too much blood loss and weakness making her oblivious to what was going on around her. The men drove through the woods like they knew the place, which technically they did before they drove down a hidden ramp leading into their compound. The men were met with two others holding a gurney; Jin and Suga got Ash out of the ATV and on the gurney where she was immediately wheeled away.

“Take her to ops now. Someone go tell Rm we found her. Suga let's wash up.” Jin ordered.

Jin and Suga followed the men with the stretcher who were Jimin and a young recruit by the name of Bambam. Once in the ops room Jin and Suga washed their hands and dressed up for surgery...it was looking pretty grim for the girl on their gurney but hopefully she was strong enough to pull through. Jimin and the recruit transferred her from the gurney to the op table; Jimin already working on gassing her and before long her unfocused eyes closed as she went under. Jin and Suga shooed the guys out before making quick work of her clothes; cutting through them with scissors until they could see all the damage done. A wide bullet hole on her left side a bit high looked like it had missed any major organs, her wheezing was worrying as they would have to x-ray to see the extent of how many ribs were broken and they needed to give her blood quickly. Suga took over hooking her up to a blood bag; while Jin got to work checking out the bullet hole...lodged in a rib was the bullet it had folded in on itself in an abnormal way, he held it up for Suga to see.

“How the hell did that happen?” He asked.

“She had a barrier up...it slowed down the shot but had to have been too weak to stop it. Look it didn’t melt the metal nearly as much as a normal shot would.” Jin handed the bullet over to Suga to look at.

Jin worked on sewing up the damaged tissues with precision before stitching her up and bandaging her securely. Pulling his moveable x-ray machine over he got a few shots of her chest and sides before going over to his computer to assess the damage to her ribs. Two on both sides were broken; mostly from one of the nasty hits on a branch as she fell through the trees. None were too close to her lungs so they were not worried about perforation. The men cleaned her up the best they could before putting her in a scrub gown and having Jimin and Bambam set her up in a room to recover.

“Think she will make it?” Suga asked Jin.

“Who knows...she's pretty banged up. The military is going to be looking for her no doubt, but we can let RM  worry about them. I’m going to check in with him now, keep the youngsters away from our patient until otherwise told.” Jin said before leaving for RM’s office.

Their compound oddly enough was an abandoned military one they found from the anti-terrorists days; it was pretty deep underground with thickened walls that made it nearly impossible for satellites, night vision or even thermal imaging to find. When Jin arrived he found RM pouring over maps and biting the end of his pencil as he concentrated.

“Think too hard and you’re heads going to explode.” Jin joked.

“Ah Jin; I heard recovery was a bit troublesome...what's the status on your patient?”

“A bit rough I won’t lie. She was using a barrier as she fell...but got too weak at the end before hitting the trees. Had a bullet still lodged in one of her ribs, it's been removed and she’s been stitched up. Maybe three days and she should wake up on her own, she slightly went into shock on the way here. I’ll give her a few more bags of blood before she wakes. Do you think she is the girl you were looking for?”

“Really? I mean you saw just like I did how she blasted a hole through that chopper and free fell, no one but Kook could do that but she didn’t use strength I felt her mental signature...she’s strong but only for short periods of time it seems. We’ll have to help her tap into that power better. She’s the one I’m sure of it.”

“You know the military will be looking for her; they are not likely to give up easily.”

“Already on it...I sent Mark to scout out the area for any info about any squads looking for her.”

“I’ll let you play strategic leader; I’m going to my room if you need me or something happens to my patient let me know.”

RM only grunted his understanding as he still poured over his maps; Jin gave him a small smile as he left to his quarters. The halls were mostly empty; walking by the common room he could hear the guys retelling the recovery story to the others.

“I thought she would be dead for sure the way I saw her fall out of the chopper; took me a while to find her trail but when I did...oh man it was thick with blood and fear. She crawled into a bear’s den and hid in the back with the old fur when I found her it was bad...blood pooled under her and she was barely even awake. Good thing we had Jin and Suga there or she would have been a goner for sure. But to punch out the back of the chopper like that it was sick!” Kook was retelling the story.

“How did she do that? Is she like you?” Youngjae asked.

“Nah she's something else uh what did RM call it?”

“Telekinetic Kook she used her mind to do stuff.” Jimin supplied.

“No shit! Dang, that's tight.” Jackson was excited.

“So she’s like Mark then...is he going to train her then?” Bambam asked.

None of the guys knew so they just shrugged. Jin continued on his way after that...who was going to train her, would she even want to stay? Jin’s quarters were pretty decent; everyone had a decent sized room to themselves with a queen bed, bathroom attached and closet for clothes. The ceilings were lined with a rope of lights that kept the rooms lit to the owner's desire, low or high it could be controlled remotely. Jin kicked off his boots and disrobed before walking into his shower to wash away the day; then he flopped on his bed staring at his ceiling. What was going to become of this girl they saved?

It had been four days since they had brought Ash into the compound; Jin was slightly worried as he checked her vitals, everything read fine but it seemed her mind may have taken a stronger strain to it than they thought. Every now and then the lights would flicker as he observed her, it gave him hope she would wake soon her powers already reaching out to her surroundings. For safely precautions RM had appointed Mark to stay on standby until she woke; which usually consisted of him just sitting in the room with her.

That afternoon Mark could feel a slight probing at his shields on his mind; she was coming too. Ash opened her eyes and blinked a few times until she could see clearly; she was laid in a bed that was propped up so she was in a near sitting position. A hospital bed? Did she go to a hospital? The room looked like one until her eyes fell on a man sitting in the corner of the room, fear took root in her chest as she took in his appearance. Lean face with high cheekbones, silvery hair parted down the middle long enough to almost touch his ears, silver earrings hung from his ears, his dark eyes looking up at her from the book he was reading. Then she heard it...his voice in her head.

“Relax Ash you are safe here. I’m Mark, I’m going to be looking after you. First thing is first let's test your memory ok. Do you remember what happened to you?”

Ash was shocked to have someone speak to her through a telepathic link but she was also thankful for it because she doubted her voice would work and her throbbing ribs weren’t encouraging.

“Yes...sort of. I was being collected by the threat council...I escaped out of the chopper and fell.”

“Do you remember what happened after that?”

“Bits and pieces...then nothing.”

“You were injured pretty badly; you took a bullet from the machine gun...your barrier wasn’t strong enough to stop it but it slowed it. You took a pretty nasty fall through the trees before crossing the stream and finding a bear den to hide in. Do you remember any of that?”

“N-n-no.”

“That's alright you probably hit your head pretty good. Our doctors took good care of you here, a six-hour surgery got you patched up as best as we can, we can't fix your ribs they have to mend on their own. I’m going to call in my commander to come to talk to you; are you ok with that?”

“W-w-why am I here? Where am I...this isn’t the compound is it?”

Her voice was fearful and Mark felt bad for her, she was doing her best to keep a neutral face on but her mental voice was riddled with fear.

“This is a compound but not the kind you think; we are all gifted here Ash...no scientist here and no military here. RM will be in here shortly...I’ll work on getting you some food and water in the meanwhile.”

Ash took in the environment she was in, she could sense she was underground but she couldn’t gauge how far down. The room was white one white with tiled floor in a light gray; she was in a scrub gown covered in a blanket and she had an IV in her arm. Patting herself down she was thankful she still felt normal. A light knock on the door brought her attention to the door; a tall man stepped through bowing his head slightly as he approached and gave her a big dimpled smile. Thick rimmed glasses rested on his nose; his eyes a warm chocolate brown, his hair a shade of chestnut brown and tan skin. His aura was open and friendly helping Ash relax a little bit he didn’t pose as a threat yet.

“It's nice to meet you, Ash, I am RM; Namjoon is my name but I prefer RM. I’m sure you have questions and I intend to answer them all to the best of my ability; however, first I would like to address why you are here.”

Ash gave a slight nod of her head to tell him she was following him.

“You were being collected because your ability had been reported to the threat council. I was aware of this and anticipated a way to intercept the chopper that collected you; yet surprisingly you escaped all on your own, I was thoroughly impressed. It was unfortunate how injured you became but you’re here and that's all that matters. We have brought you here because we are all gifted and we are part of a movement to end the experimentation and misuse of gifted people and fight the government if needed. We are hoping you will join our cause and fight alongside us. We will train you so you can control your gift better and perhaps even enhance it...we have many individuals here that are all different yet we have a common goal...to end the mistreatment of people like us and live freely.”

Ash couldn’t talk yet...her throat was far too dry and her ribs throbbed with every breath so she had to use her telepathic link to speak to him.

“RM sir.”

RM jumped at first but a smile soon spread across his lips as he looked at Ash waiting for her to continue.

“Thank you for helping me; I was in a tight spot and probably would have died without your help. I can’t talk just yet...ribs are a bit painful. I have a feeling this is the only safe place for me at the moment so yes...I’ll stay for now.”

Ash gave him a weak smile. RM was pleased, however.

“I’ll have Jin come in and check you over; he is our resident doctor along with Suga. They are the ones who really did most of the work in saving you. If you get the ok from Jin I’ll have one of my men show you to your residential room. Don’t push yourself too much; when you have healed we will talk about training...until then minimal usage of your ability.”

Ash nodded as she watched RM leave her in peace; shortly after Mark returned with a tray of food and water as promised. He wheeled over a table and put the tray on it for her and lifted the lid; beef roast set on the tray steaming with mashed potatoes and green beans on the side.

“Your mind is busy when you sleep just so you know; you kept craving this while you slept. Jimin made it for you, thank him later if you like it.”

Mark gave her a knife and fork to use...her hands were too weak to hold them. Mark offered to help her but she shook her head and instead focused her mind to cut it up for her and feed her pieces of everything. Mark smiled as he took a seat in the chair that RM vacated. Jin walked in shortly after with a surprised smile on his face; he wasn’t used to seeing someone feeding themselves with floating utensils it was kind of spooky.

“Hello, Ms. Maddox I am Jin. RM told me to stop by and see how you are doing, mind if I run a few tests?” He asked kindly.

Ash shook her head no and let him get started while she still fed herself. He grabbed a blood pressure cuff and tested her pulse, satisfied it was strong he moved on to checking her reflexes and again he was satisfied. Her ribs were still quite tender to the touch so he prescribed her some pain meds to help her ease the pain and advised her to not exert herself for fear of worsening the broken ribs. After all his tests he announced she was good to go to her new room and get situated. Mark found her some clothes that were borrowed from the guys in the compound...clearly, she was the only girl in the compound currently and she would have to make due with what was available for clothing. With Mark waiting outside she wobbled on her legs but was able to get dressed in the grey sweatpants that were too big for her so she had to use her ability to roll up the hem to fit her better. She also used her ability to help her into the white t-shirt so as not to hurt her ribs anymore than she had too, the shirt was rather large too and hung off one shoulder. Someone had provided her with some house shoes so she slipped them on before walking over to the door a bit shakily and knocking on it to let Mark know she was ready. He was quick to open the door and offered his arm to her to use for support.

“I did enjoy that roast...may I thank...Jimin was it? It was quite delicious.”

Mark chuckled but nodded as he led her toward the kitchen; the compound was rather large Ash noticed and she was a bit out of breath when they made it to the kitchen; although she blamed it on her current condition and not being out of shape. The kitchen was bustling with two guys prepping food and cleaning dishes.

“Jimin! Come here, dude.” Mark called.

The man that was prepping food looked up and Ash felt her breath catch; he had raven colored locks that layered around his face just above his ears, chocolate brown eyes, full lips and soft features. He walked over drying his hands on a towel looking at Mark curiously.

“Jimin meet Ash Maddox. Ash this is Park Jimin our chef of sorts.”

“Nice to meet you Ash; hope you enjoyed the roast.” He smiled and his eyes turned into crescents making it difficult for her to keep her train of thought.

She tried her voice but only ended up coughing and then groaning as she sank to her knees from the pain of her ribs. Jimin was quick to help her to a chair at a table and grab her something to drink, Mark retrieved her pain meds from the room and giving them to her. A light sweat broke out on her forehead at the strain of trying to breathe properly through the pain.

“I was trying to say thank you for the food it was great. Fuck this hurts.”

Jimin jumped from her for a second before looking at Mark who nodded at him; she was indeed telepathic and Jimin was surprised she was able to talk to him that way. Collecting himself he put on his smile and sat from across her.

“You’re very welcome. Glad you liked it. You should probably go get some rest though you're getting ghostly pale.” He smiled.

“I promise I won’t pass out here. I just wanted to say thank you to the chef.”

Ash smiled but didn’t chance to laugh like she wanted too; the pain was starting to ebb away but it was constricting how well she could breathe so she rested for a few more moments trying to regain some strength.

“You’re welcome here anytime you want; if you get hungry just call for one of us and we will help you out. That guy there washing dishes is Jhope...he's the one that drove you here. He's sick behind wheels. Both of us man the kitchen mostly with help from Jin too.”

“Thanks...I’ll keep that in mind. I better get going so I don’t pass out in your kitchen.”

Ash smiled and looked to Mark who was already offering his arm for support; he led her out of the kitchen and down a few halls until he stopped before a door. Opening the room; Ash was greeted by a nice comfy looking queen bed, the lighting was set on low so it was dim in there and the bed was just calling her. Mark led her to her bed and helped her to sit down; he put her pain meds on the nightstand and moved to her bathroom to get her a glass of water and set that also on the nightstand.

“Can you lay down on your own?” He asked her.

Carefully Ash pulled back the covers and tried to lean back but it hurt more than she was willing to admit; Mark sighed as he used his mind to help her lean back carefully and cover her up. Once situated she was content.

“If you need anything you can call for me; also like Jimin said you can call on him or Jin. Don’t suffer if you don’t have too ok so don’t hesitate to call any of us. You can meet the rest of the guys tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Mark. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Mark left her lights on low so she had some light to see before he left shutting the door after him. Ash stared up at her ceiling...never would she have thought she would be in a place like this. With others that were like her, who saved her and cared about her like she was a real person. Not many people knew she was different and anyone who did find out would immediately turn hostile toward her or cut her out of their lives forever. Made for a very lonely life growing up; she was never quite sure what happened to her parents as she was raised by a grandparent until they passed away when she was still a pre-teen and now here she was in her 20’s doing everything as best she can on her own. Getting collected by the council had not been included in her plans for her life but she was glad she had found this compound with other gifted people. If only her ribs would stop throbbing so much so she could sleep some more, that was all she wanted at the moment. Moving around as little as she did prove to be far too much for her weakened state.  

The following day she struggled to get up but eventually succeeded and got a hot shower before dressing in some more borrowed clothing. After checking her reflection she pouted at her pale complexion, she looked sick and she hated that. Easing out of her room and down the hallway she remembered her way to the kitchen; the sound of dishes and sizzling of food had her stomach immediately growling. Using the wall for support she made her way into the dining area; chatter was going but stopped as soon as she was seen. Jimin who was cooking over a grill looked up at the sudden silence and beamed when he saw Ash.

“Good Morning Ash. Take a seat and I’ll get you some breakfast.” Jimin called.

Ash could feel her cheeks burn...the sudden attention on her was uncomfortable. A young man got up from his seat and approached her; immediately she braced herself in case he was a threat. He gave her a reassuring smile displaying his bunny-like teeth, his brown eyes bright, his dark brown locks a bit messy like he had been running his hand through it. His smile never faltered even when she regarded him carefully; he simply gestured for her to take his seat at the table. Ash was nervous but walked slowly to the table; using the table for support as she sat down gingerly. Other men sat at the table that she didn’t recognize and they all had curious gazes on her. The man sat down next to her with a smile on his lips again.

“Since we know who you are we’ll introduce ourselves. I am Jungkook. At the table here is JB, Bambam, Jinyoung, and Youngjae.”

Ash nodded her head as she looked around the table giving them a polite smile. Jimin soon bustled over with a plate of food for her and juice to drink; her stomach growled in hunger making the men around the table snicker.

“Eat up Ash before your stomach eats you instead.” Jimin joked before returning to the grill.

Ash took a few bites to calm her ferocious stomach; everything tasted amazing. The juice was cool enough to ease the dryness in her throat and she could already feel some of her energy returning.

“So Ash what do you think of our lair.” Bambam laughed.

Trying again she tried to speak but nothing would come out; frowning to herself she sighed before opening a link to all the men at the table.

“It’s actually pretty cool. Kind of like a post-apocalyptic zombie movie feeling. I can’t talk yet I think I messed something up. Where do you guys get this food it's amazing.”

The looks of shock around the table had her dropping her fork; feeling uncomfortable she looked away from them all. Did she mess up already? Weren’t they all gifted as well? Did she make a fool of herself? Jungkook was the first to collect himself chuckling.

“Now that is cool! What else can you do? Can you like control people with your mind or something?”

Ash shook her head; the rest of the table seemed to return to normal as well and the chatter started up again. Ash ate the rest of her food and spoke to the guys at the table when she had an interest in whatever they were discussing. Jungkook was laughing at a joke when he looked over at her and his face fell.

“Ash you’re bleeding.”

Ash grabbed her napkin and touched it to her nose; sure enough, she was bleeding...she was overexerting herself again. Cutting the link to everyone she kept the napkin to her nose, her head starting to feel a bit dizzy. Mark had just made an appearance when he saw Ash starting to sway; thankfully Jungkook was quick and caught her shoulders before she could fall.

“What happened?” Mark asked.

“She was just eating and talking with us...like in our heads, then her nose started to bleed and now this,” Jungkook explained panicked.

Ash was leaning heavily on Jungkook, her head was spinning and she felt like she was sinking. Mark kneeled down to her level and looked her in the eyes...they were unfocused. He sighed as he thought of how much Jin was going to give him an earful about her condition.

“Kook help me take her to the infirmary...Jin’s going to be pissed but she needs attention.”

Jungkook nodded quickly as he easily picked her up; she groaned in protest because of her ribs but Jungkook couldn’t do any better than be gentle with her. Her head was getting too heavy for her to keep up, looking at the ceiling as they went she watched light after light pass over her. Jin was not happy when Mark entered the infirmary and Jungkook laid Ash down on a bed.

“What happened?”

“She overdid it is all; she had a link open with five people at once,” Mark explained.

“We were just eating breakfast and were chatting when I saw her nose start to bleed, is she going to be ok?” Jungkook asked concerned.

“Don’t worry about it Jungkook she will be fine after some rest. Go ahead back to the others I got it from here.” Jin gave the young man a small smile.

Reluctantly Jungkook left. Mark waited for Jin’s orders. Jin looked over Ash; her complexion was a bit pale and was proof that she had been pushing herself too much. Blood still ran down her nose but it was a weak flow, he grabbed some paper towel and wetted it with some water before he started to clean off the blood from her face.

“Ash? Can you hear me ok? Don’t use a link just nod or shake your head.”

Ash nodded.

“Good. I want you to stay here with me today; you pushed your mind too far and you are too weak at the moment to handle that. I’ll give you something to help you sleep.” Jin was gentle as he checked her vitals.

Ash nodded again...sleep sounded good. Jin sent Mark away and gave Ash an injection that quickly put her in a deep sleep. RM appeared later on asking about her condition.

“What's your opinion...is she going to be alright?”

“Yea she will be. Her ability takes more from her than she realizes...she had a link open with five people at once. Imagine what she could do with more training? We need to help her build up her body and mental strength.” Jin sighed.

“Good thing I have two of the best doctors around then huh.”

Jin gave him a smile. RM left to attend to business. Jin was strict that no one was to come to the infirmary unless it was serious, he kept a close eye on Ash all day. When she started to look more like herself with a nice color to her skin and her vitals were stable, Jin carried her to her room to let her rest some more.

Ash awoke in total darkness...something she didn’t want to admit to but she was scared like deathly afraid of the dark. Panicked she tried to feel around her to figure out where she was; feeling the blankets she knew she was in a bed but wasn’t sure where she was. Try as she might she couldn’t get her bearings and it looked like there were shadows moving about around her; fear took hold and she screamed internally not aware she was broadcasting to everyone in the compound through a link. Ash fell off the bed the throb of her ribs stealing her breath; she crawled to the wall and felt along it until she found a corner and huddled into it too fear-stricken to move anymore. She could hear running footsteps growing near; her breath caught in fear...had she been collected by the council while she was sleeping? Was she going to be sliced up by the scientists now? She screamed again through the link tears running hot down her cheeks. The door to her room opened and light filtered into the room; the beam of light landing on her but she couldn’t see it with her hands covering her face, her breath shuddering out of her. The footsteps drew near and then a gentle hand touched her shoulder; she jumped looking up with tear-blurred eyes.

“Shhh you’re alright; take a deep breath.”

“D-d-dark...s-s-shadows…”

“It’s alright I’m right here, nothing can get to you here.”

Jimin was crouched down beside her with Jungkook looking on over his shoulder. The soft timbre of his voice seemed to be relaxing Ash and she was able to collect herself. Jimin was purposely slow in his movements so as to not spook her further; he gently grabbed her wrists and helped her up to her feet.

“Let's get you to the kitchen and get some food in you ok?”

Anyone who had been in the hallway made themselves scarce as Jimin led her out of her room and down the halls to the kitchen with Jungkook in tow. RM had arrived shortly after Ash had been sat down and given a glass of water; Jimin busying himself in the kitchen cooking up something for her to eat. How long had she been asleep? Her stomach was growling its displeasure loud enough for everyone to hear it. RM had taken a seat beside her giving her a bit of time to calm down more.

“Are you feeling better now?” He asked after he felt she was ready.

“Sure. I think I’ll be fine now.”

“Are you aware that everyone could hear you screaming?” He asked carefully.

“Huh?”

“Ms. Maddox you were screaming through a link with everyone here in the compound. Thankfully Jimin and Jungkook were closest to you and found you. Can I ask what had you so scared?”

Ash felt her cheeks burn; it was embarrassing to admit she was an adult and still scared of the dark. Looking down at her lap she sighed before answering.

“The dark.”

“The dark? What is it about the dark that scares you so?”

“Shadows.”

Ash refused to look at him her embarrassment burning her cheeks before his eyes. RM gained understanding and patted her shoulder in comfort.

“We will make sure to take better care in the future.”

“Here you are Ash, nice and hot be careful.” Jimin smiled as he sat down a plate of pancakes.

Ash wanted to just tear into the pancakes but she had company so she ate politely instead making sure to douse her pancakes in syrup. Jimin sat down across from her with Jungkook beside him; RM watched on as she ate. He felt partially glad she was gaining her strength back and yet a bit unnerved by how she could open up to everyone in the compound, what if someone outside could have heard and pinpointed their location?

“Jimin, Jungkook...change in plan. You two look after Ash for me; Mark is needed elsewhere for now.”

The two men nodded slowly unsure about the change.

“Ms. Maddox rest easy please. Jin will have all our throats if you don’t heal properly. I will send Suga by to look you over.”

Ash nodded with a mouthful of pancakes. The men sitting across from her snickered to themselves. RM left them on his way to find Jhope and have him do a perimeter check for anything suspicious should her link scream have been heard by council scum. Finding Jhope working on the ATV in the garage; RM peered under the vehicle at the man.

“Don’t touch a fucking thing!” Jhope called under the ATV

“Why not? It's not like I would know what I was doing anyway.”

“I’m not sure what's worse your natural affinity to break things or your lack of control over your wind currents that tear up my garage. Whats up anyways? The girl alright?”

“Yeah she’s fine...she got spooked waking up in the dark not sure how she got there. Jimin and Jungkook are going to take over looking after her. But since she was broadcasting I want to ensure no one else heard.”

“Fine, I’ll go. Send Mark out too, in case we find spies.”

RM nodded before leaving Jhope to his ATV; spotting the organized arrangement of wrenches on a table. RM picked up one and the whole thing fell to the floor with a loud crash, Jhope cursed as he hit his head on the ATV.

“WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING WHY IS THAT SO HARD!”

RM dropped the wrench in his hand and sheepishly left the garage. Jhope cursing him still as he picked up the wrenches.

Ash finished her pancakes and sighed content. Jimin cleaned up her dishes before offering her his arm for support to go back to her room. Jungkook walked ahead and turn the lights on dim much to her delight; Jimin helped her sit down on her bedside. A light knock at her door revealed a thin dark haired man with a face of soft features and distinctive cat-like looking eyes.

“Ah, Suga just in time. Want us to step outside?” Jimin smiled.

A short nod from the man and the two others stepped outside. Suga walked over to a chair in the corner of the room bringing it with him when he sat before Ash. His features registered in her memory making her blurt out.

“I remember you. In the den...you helped me.”

“That I did. I’m surprised you remember anything from then, you were pretty far gone when we got to you.”

“I think when I realized you all weren’t there to hurt me I could relax. Thank you by the way; I heard you and Jin had to surgically remove the bullet from me and stitch me up.”

“It would have been a shame to let such a courageous woman die like that. You were courageous but also foolish for what you did. It could have failed and you could have been in worse shape you understand?”

“Yes. I had to risk it though...anything was better than being a science project.”

“Well, we are passed that now. Let's get a look at you and see where you are healing wise.”

Ash nodded but was instantly embarrassed because she couldn’t get her shirt off without help, plus she was sure she would be scolded if she used her mind to do it so she looked at Suga sheepishly. Surprisingly he smirked at her in understanding and helped her. Grabbing his stethoscope from around his neck he checked her heart and breathing, there was some rattling but he would sum that up to the restrictions of her ribs still healing. Her vitals were good. Removing her bandages he could see her bullet wound was healing nicely enough for him to remove the external stitches. His biggest concern was her inability to use her voice just yet; perhaps her vocal chords had been severely agitated or damaged only time would tell. Suga felt around her throat, the valley by her vocal cords proving to be rather sensitive making her wince. Helping her put her shirt back on he called for Jimin; who poked his head in from the door.

“I need your gift,” Suga stated.

Jimin looked at him puzzled as he walked into the room with Jungkook close behind. Suga helped Ash up and had Jungkook stand behind her as support while he directed Jimin.

“Use your water to first cool the inflammation on her vocal chords, then on her rib cage, there is more inflammation that is impairing the healing process. Careful though not too strong. Jungkook...hold on.” Suga said in a bored voice as he waited.

Ash wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen; Jungkook had a gentle but firm grip on her shoulders letting her rest her weight against his chest which felt solid against her shoulder blades. Jimin’s demeanor changed as he squared his shoulders...his chocolate eyes turning a turbulent ocean blue as he moved his hands in smooth circles collecting water before her eyes from the air. She could feel the air becoming dry as he pulled the water molecules from it, with a decent sized ball of water the size of a small melon collected between his hands he walked up to her. Uncertainty had her swallowing thickly before reaching up to Jungkook’s wrists for something to hold on too.

“Relax Ash he won’t hurt you,” Jungkook whispered.

Watching Jimin stop only a few inches away from her she was not prepared for the cool feeling as he lifted his hands up to her throat; the water stretched between his hands like putty. The water was cool but not frigid, after a few moments she felt the ache in her throat dissipate and her vocal chords felt immensely better.

“Nice Jimin. Now the ribs.” Suga directed.

Jimin was totally focused as he pulled back his hands; Jungkook released his grip on her shoulders and laced his arms under hers bringing the hem of her t-shirt up with him to just under her breastbone as he resumed his grip of her shoulders making her gasp. Jimin seemed too focused to notice the pink tint of her cheeks as she looked away. His hands separated the water mass in two and used his hands to focus the water masses over her broken ribs indicated by the still bruised skin. She hissed through her teeth as the cool water touched her skin, everything was still tender. Her body was tensing from the sting and a small line of perspiration started along her forehead, gripping Jungkook’s forearms for support she opened a link to Jimin.

“J-jimin can you hear me?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“N-not so focused on the inner ribs, please. H-hurts. Try lower to the bottom ribs.”

Jimin followed her directions. The relief from the focused areas making her relax a small bit, she closed her eyes to focus more on the soreness in her ribs to help Jimin pinpoint where he needed to go.

“Better?” He asked sweetly.

“Tons. Can you warm it up a bit I’m chattering my teeth.”

He laughed through the link but obliged and warmed up the water temp to help her out. Soon the bruises looked to be fading and the tenderness of her ribs relieved. Suga watched with a hawk eye as Jimin worked, he wasn’t privy to what was said between the two but he could tell she was directing Jimin where he needed to go. Might come in handy later on with patients. When Jimin finished he stumbled a moment before his eyes returned back to their chocolate color, Jungkook released Ash and she tested her arm range now and was happy to not feel any pain from her ribs. Clearing her throat she got a whispered Thank you out for Jimin who beamed at her.

“That was impressive I won’t lie. I will have to let RM know about this, Ash you might be more valuable than you realize.” Suga mentioned before he weakly waved and left the room.

Ash looked at the guys for an explanation but they just shrugged. Jungkook whistle behind her when he saw the huge scar from the bullet she took, Ash flushed and yanked her shirt down properly. Jungkook chuckled.

“No need to be shy I didn’t mean to come off that way, your scar caught my eye. I’ve got tons of them. Each with a story and now you have one too.” He flashed her a big bunny toothed smile.

“Kook has a thing for scars.” Jimin shoved the younger playfully.

“You two are pretty close then huh. Is everyone like that here?” Ash asked in a whisper.

“This fool and I are only close because we come from the same city, plus he's lost without me.” Jimin jabbed.

“I’m the lost one? Yeah, right your ass would have been squashed tons of times if it wasn’t for me you water brained mochi!” Jungkook shot back.

Ash laughed for the first time since she got there and the sound caught both guys by surprise making them smile in return.

Mark and Jhope had split up to cover the perimeter quickly; luckily they found no sign of anyone. However, they had seen patrols from the threat council compound a few miles away from their perimeter. Something to report to RM, wouldn’t be long until they had a run in with them. RM was not happy about the news but he knew that the council wouldn’t give up that easily; especially if what Suga had told him was anything to go by. They had to protect Ash and help her strengthen her gift. Her ability to create links so that she could project her feelings or thoughts or who knows what else were amazing and the council would surely exploit her and use her for nothing good that was for sure.

A few days had passed and now Ash found herself sitting on her hands and knees with sweat dripping down her face; Mark walking around the large sparing room without so much as a flush to his skin in exertion.

“You’re going to have to try harder than that Ash. You have it in you...embrace it. Follow your instincts and you will persevere.” Mark directed.

Easier said than done. She huffed as she got to her feet again a bit wobbly but still up. Closing her eyes she built up her resolve before attacking Mark again with a focused ball of energy he had taught her how to do. He easily dodged, of course, nothing ever comes easy when sparring. Ash braced for his impact as he darted around her shots, she threw up a barrier around herself and he collided with it bouncing back a few feet.

“There you go. Make it tighter, stronger, leave no gaps.” He smirked.

Ash jumped back from him and launched more shots at him which he dodged firing his own at her, she had formed a barrier around her arm like a shield and deflected the shots as she ran away from him launching more at him. The almost excited smile on his face was a bit disarming but she didn’t let down her guard, Mark was sneaky she realized and his mental shields were too tight for her to get a read on him. He promised to teach her how to do that as well at some point. More shots were fired at her that she deflected and as she ran she fired more tumbling away from incoming shots. Mark slung an energy ball at her that wrapped around her feet and tangled her up as she fell; she braced her arms for an impact but it never came, peeking her eyes open she was shocked that she was in midair just hovering. Mark walked over whistling as he took in the sight.

“Well, that's new.” He deadpanned.

“How do I get down?” Ash panicked.

“Um...I don’t know.” Mark tried not to laugh at her predicament while rubbing his chin.

“It’s not funny Mark what if I get stuck like this?”

“I mean Jungkook could always yank you down.”

“AND BREAK MY FACE!”

Mark didn’t even try to stop his laughter as he doubled over. Ash crossed her arms defiant and pouting at her problem. V came in strutting up to them silently as he swung a gun around his finger playing around.

“Whatcha doin?” He asked.

Ash yelped and fell to the ground in a groaning heap, Mark laughed even more before he gave V a playful shove. Ash got up grumbling about rude men never thinking before they do things.

“Ash here just discovered a new trick. Thanks to you she’s grounded again.” Mark jabbed.

“Glad I could help. Are you two done? I wanna practice some shots before dinner.” V asked still swinging his gun around.

“Yea I suppose. Ash go clean up you’re a mess.” Mark commented before sauntering out of the sparring room.

Ash was seething; Mark had developed a fondness for picking on her and pushing her buttons that he was succeeding in very well. Huffing as she left the sparring room stomping to her room; V chuckling to himself as he set up some targets to fire at. Walking down the hall fuming Ash wasn’t aware of Jungkook until he ran up behind her and grabbed her up in a hug, she yelped and then the hallway fell in darkness making her panic, her body tensing in his grip.

“Ash? Ash calm down it's me.” Jungkook instantly tried to calm her down.

The lights flickered before turning on again; her rushing heart trying to calm itself down. Jungkook patted her on her back after he had set her down, she gave him a weak smile.

“You look rough, what has you so bent out of shape?” He asked with a smirk.

“Mark!” Ash spit out his name.

The name alone was enough for Jungkook to get the just of the issue. Ruffling up her hair he walked with her the rest of the way to her room after she got in he said he would see her at dinner. Ash jumped in her shower so fast it was embarrassing how gross she felt, the hot water washing away all her hard work in the sparring room leaving her refreshed and clean. Changing into some actual clothes that Jhope was so kind to go find for her, she sported a pair of fitted jeans with a large long sleeve in gray the hung off of one shoulder giving her an almost childish look. Her hair was rather long so she twisted it up in a claw clip and slipped on some vans before making her way to the kitchen. Just about everyone was there already seated, Jimin was manning the kitchen as usual with Jin as his partner cooking up something that smelled delicious. Jungkook patted the seat next to him excitedly kind of like the kid he still acted like. Ash took her seat next to him and was instantly handed a plate of food by Jin who was complaining she didn’t eat enough. Jungkook was snickering behind his hand as were a few other of the guys sitting at the table. Ash scrunched up her nose and glared at her plate; it wasn’t her fault she couldn't pack away the food like they could she was smaller than they were and didn’t need that much food. Once everyone had their food and drinks; conversations started up and soon the room was full of laughs and good mirth. Ash was sure to eat well while Jin was staring her down, he was never happy with how little she ate but she ate until she was full no more than that.

The room quieted down drawing everyone’s attention to RM at the head of the table. He had a serious face on and the atmosphere in the room had goosebumps running up her arms, it couldn't be good news.

“As you, all know...the council dogs have been trying to find our compound for ages now. Many of you have run into them on your patrols. Jhope had uncovered some troubling news...they are using gifted in their ranks now, but they are hollow like and seem to be being controlled somehow. This is cause for us to be on our toes and always alert when we patrol, I don’t want anyone of you being taken in. Team up, buddy system, whatever it takes do not leave anyone alone ever. Gear up anytime you leave the compound no exceptions.” His voice was strong with command.

There was mumbling among the men; looks of uncertainty crossing their features. All of which making Ash feel guilty; the council was only out looking for her and could quite possibly cause all of the trouble. Was she really worth the risk they were putting themselves in?

“Stop that right now. You know better than that.”

Ash looked up to see Mark giving her a pointed look.

“I can’t help it; what if something happens because of me?”

“That is a gamble we are willing to take and you know it.”

“Still.”

“You are a part of this group Ash...we watch over our own.”

Jungkook nudged her shoulder breaking her link with Mark; she looked over to him. He was already grinning like an idiot at her.

“Whats up you sick or something? You gonna barf?”

Ash shoved him playfully making him snicker. RM was called away to go manage some recruits. After a bit people started to head back to their rooms or go do their chores. Ash collected dishes off the table and took them over to the sink to start washing them.

“You didn’t have to do that doll we could have gotten it.” Jhope beamed at her.

“I don’t contribute enough around here let me help.” She smiled back.

Jimin was soaking some pots on the stove while he watched the exchange. Ash wiped her hands off on a towel while the dishes washed themselves thanks to her gift; Jimin was sure he would never get used to that. Jhope was a beaming ray of sunshine giggling about the dishes washing themselves.

“Guys it’s not that big of a deal. I did stuff like this all the time before I was being collected. Although I have to say it was a lot weaker then...surprisingly I’m getting stronger at it.”

“Must be that crazy training Mark is putting you through.” Jhope laughed.

“Crazy is right! Geez feels like a man of steel marathon. But at least I’ll be in shape right?” She beamed.

“Just do us a favor and don’t push past your limits, don’t need the nosebleeds everywhere.” Jimin chuckled.

“Hardy har har. Because I totally do it on purpose.” She snarked.

Jhope excused himself since he was on patrol that night. Ash made herself useful and helped Jimin finish cleaning the kitchen before they sat down at the dining table with some sodas. The room was still with them being the only ones left, the silence wasn’t awkward thankfully just peaceful.

“Are you worried?” Jimin asked.

“About the council...yes. I want to do something but I’m weaksauce right now.”

“I think you are stronger than you know.”

“I’m sure the council has stronger foes for me than your dirty dishes.”

“You know what I mean smart ass. Have more faith in yourself.”

Ash pouted as she sipped on her soda. She was starting to get a bit tired of being treated like the newbie by everyone, she wanted to prove she was capable and could look after herself. With resolve, she finished her soda before thanking Jimin for dinner and she headed back to the sparring room.

Thankfully it was empty, targets still lined up against the far wall with tons of bullet holes in them from V. Ash stood in the middle of the room and relaxed with some deep breaths before working through some exercises Mark had taught her. With her eyes closed she opened up her mind and used her ability to feel everything around her, she could feel the dimensions of the room and everything that was in it. She put up a barrier within the whole room so no one would be able to enter without her access. The ceiling was high in the room like an aircraft hanger; focusing on her position she gradually started to glide up in the air. Upon opening her eyes she could see she was nearly at the top of the room, a small smile played on her lips. Maybe she wasn’t as weaksauce as she thought. Returning to the ground hovering a few feet above it she then tried her hand at making multiple energy balls at once and launching them at the targets V had so helpfully left out. An array of different sized energy orbs floated around her as she zeroed in on her target of choice and launched them all at it disintegrating the target. Elated was hardly enough to describe her happiness in herself, she didn’t want to stop there. Next, she tried lifting up items far too heavy for her to lift on her own, channeling her inner Jungkook with his super strength. She picked up a large pallet of crates letting it float in the air; setting it down carefully she returned to the ground herself and released the barrier.

There was a commotion in the hallway; Ash ran out into the hallway watching as men were running from place to place orders being shouted out. What was going on? Ash searched for Jimin and opened a link.

“What's going on? Did something happen?”

“Ash where are you?”

“The sparring room why?”

“Bambam and Jhope ran into Council dogs and were captured while on patrol. RM wants everyone to report to the kitchen. Mark is on surveillance in case the dogs try to find the compound.”

“Will he be alright by himself? Shouldn’t someone help him?”

“Mind yourself, kid, I got this under control,” Mark interjected.

“Wow is that Mark too? Just hurry here ok? RM is getting antsy.”

Ash ran through the halls until she skidded into the kitchen area, the table full of anxious looking faces and RM looking tense. He was afraid of something happening that he didn’t expect a sneak ambush to happen and so soon. Taking a seat next to Jungkook; Ash looked at Jimin who sat across from them, he looked worried as did everyone else.

“Well, are we going after them?” JB said a bit agitated.

“Of course we are. We need to make a plan first. This isn’t just a simple recovery mission we have to think about the best way to minimize anyone else being lost you understand?” RM said leaning his palms on the table.

“I say we make teams and attack in full force,” JB suggested.

Alarm ran through Ash that was like handing themselves over to the council.

“Wait!” She exclaimed.

All eyes turned to her making her swallow thickly.

“Think about it if you attack full force then you will be playing into their hand, what if they only captured the two to lure you out? Haven’t you been working so hard to keep from being found? Why not have a dummy team go instead...let me be the decoy. They want me anyways and what better way to find out where Bambam and Jhope are but get inside the compound to search for them.”

“Absolutely not!” Jin was the first to jump up.

RM put a hand on his shoulder to calm him; he was thinking over the idea. Everyone waited in silence. It was risky but thinking about it was tempting, as far as the council knew she was still barely able to use her gift, she had improved since then and would do better should things go wrong.

“RM you can’t be seriously thinking about this? It would be foolish to throw her to the dogs.” Jin grumbled from his seat.

“Jin...we must consider our options. Would you like your infirmary full to the brink or have our boys safely home?” RM said calmly yet his glare was icy with agitation from the whole ordeal.

The room was silent as RM thought about his options; what was he to do to minimize casualties and get his men back? He wasn’t too worried for Bambam; as airheaded as he seemed at times he was the wildest of them all being able to tap into a beast that lived within him making him a raging humanoid beast with immeasurable strength and the anger of a volcano all in one. Jhope could use any electricity around him natural or not and manipulate how he needed, his men were trained and had been through enough tests with Mark to pass any kind of torture that messed with their minds. It wasn’t physical by any means just mental but the effect was the same where the men became hardened. Could Ash handle the same tests?

“Please RM...let me do this.” Ash stood firm eyes locked on his waiting.

“This is an opportunity to see the extent of her ability.” Suga yawned looking bored by the meeting. 

“I know I am not the only one who has felt a change happening, besides surely we wouldn’t send her alone that would be foolish...so who is stupid enough to volunteer?”

Suga slouched in his seat lazily looking around the table. V raised two fingers in a salute before his pistol was swinging around his finger like a toy that wasn’t loaded and potentially dangerous. Suga raised an eyebrow at him; should have been obvious the trigger-happy foolish earth gifted man would volunteer. It was a tie between what was more dangerous his sharpshooting skills or his ability to control how the ground around him moved or in some cases opened up and swallowed people whole never to return. Jimin sighed but he raised his hand as well, Ash’s eyes wide as saucers.

“Jimin what do you think you are doing! No, I can’t risk you getting hurt. They need you here--”

“I am not letting you go alone. Especially with a wild card like V you need someone to keep him in line.” Jimin’s mental tone was final and left little room for her to argue.

She looked around her for anyone who could help her talk him out of it, then Jungkook sighed before raising his hand.

“If water brain is going I will too.” He seemed annoyed but the look of mischief in his eye said otherwise.

“Jungkook?” Ash whispered.

“I guess that settles it. You four will be the dummy team, get Ash inside find our guys and bring them home. Destroy whatever you can before coming home.” RM seemed tired as he directed. “Hash a plan and run it by me in the office.”

With that RM left the room with the rest of them looking at each other uncertain of what to really do. Ash turned on the guys she had grown so fond of, she didn’t want them to risk themselves for her and she was more than ready to handle things on her own if she had too.

“What the hell was that?!” She ground out through clenched teeth.

“Settle down princess; as cute as you are even you cannot take on the council alone. Plus I’m getting rusty I need the practice...my headcount total hasn’t changed in ages I need to add to it.” V gave her a wicked smile sending a chill down her spine.

Barely even touching his mind she could already hear how excited he was for destruction and his excitement at getting to kill council scum. Scenarios running through his head playing like movies in hers, men running from him and him picking them off like flies. Jimin had to shake her arm to get her attention.

“Did you hear me?”

“No what did you say?”

“You are going to need back up and someone to help if anyone gets hurt. Besides with Jungkook with us, there will be no door or person who could stop us.” Jimin smiled.

“I’d like to see them try me.” Jungkook flared his nostrils in a challenge.

What if it wasn’t enough? She could feel Mark trying to probe her mind; she locked down her shields tight rejecting him, not wanting anyone to sense her fears. Ash was worried she had grown too close to Jungkook and Jimin, they were friends to her and she didn’t want to lose either one of them. V was a different case; he seemed very childlike at times or completely maniacal when the prospect of firing off rounds came up. She was leery of him. Sighing in defeat she sank down into her seat again and hashed out a plan with the guys.

RM was not happy with the plan but he was not blind to the fact that the probability of it working was higher than his cons list. V was in charge of weapons and took to checking all weapons, while Jimin was in charge of being the navigator and medic, Jungkook was the brawn and driver for their ATV. Ash’s plan was to essentially to scope out the place before having the guys set up C4 around the place and blowing it up to smithereens. Was she nervous about the plan? Well duh yeah, it involved people she saw as her friends and she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if anything happened to them.

It was going to be quite the trip to even get within distance of the council’s compound so they planned accordingly. About halfway through the trip, they found a small cave similar to the one Ash was found in; nothing like being all snug and cozy in a bear cave but hey can’t be picky when trekking through the wilderness. Jungkook had made good work of disguising the ATV so nothing would look out of place should anyone be patrolling. Ash had taken to set up a fire while V brought back a few rabbits for dinner. Jimin was setting up bedding for everyone. After Ash finished getting a good flame going she went to help Jimin.

“So um...what are we going to be doing about sleeping arrangements?” Ash asked quietly.

“What do you mean?” Jimin asked while laying out more blankets.

“I’m not sure you remember or not but I’m the only girl in this sausage fest. Do I have to like sleep with one eye open or what?”

Jimin chuckled to himself giving her a smirk.

“Afraid we are going to gang up on you? I thought you had more faith in us than that?” Jimin replied.

“Oh forgive me it's not like every day I go camping with three guys who mind you all have abilities that can or cannot be used against me it's a bit new to me.” Ash snarked.

“No one will touch you I promise. Unless you want them too that is.”

“You seriously just can't say anything without being annoying can you,” Ash grumbled aloud.

“Nope.”

V was efficient with preparing the rabbits and getting them over the fire to cook, Jungkook was nearly salivating just looking at them. Ash had thought ahead and packed a few cans of veggies and passed them around to the guys. Thunder rumbled in the distance and the air changed with the charge of a storm on the way. Ash was a bit concerned about how well the plan would pan out if at all; she was taking a big risk giving herself over to the council and she couldn’t guarantee the safety of her team either.

Jungkook nearly moaned after finally getting to bite into his rabbit; V was fishing out green beans from his can when Jimin brought everyone drinks from the cave. Ash was on autopilot as she kept sweeping her mind around the area for anything; her nerves were bugging her and making her fidgety. Getting a raised brow from Jimin she just shook her head before finishing her food; the rumble of thunder growing closer and closer as the storm built. Killing the fire the guys joined her shortly after, rain fell heavily outside accompanied by flashes of lightning from the cave mouth.

“Hope you can sleep through storms princess; looks like this one will be sticking around for the night.” V teased.

Jungkook was snickering from his corner in the cave getting settled on his small cot of blankets. The urge to cause him mental anguish was high but Ash restrained herself; Jimin nudged her to the blankets he laid out for her before going to sleep on his not far from her. Muttering to herself she laid down; setting up a barrier at the mouth of the cave both to protect them and muffle the sounds of the storm.

“I’m half tempted to leave that one behind in the morning.” Ash threatened.

“He would find us quickly he's sharp when he's on a mission. Jungkook is no different he is kind of animalistic like a Tarzan or something. Nothing gets passed his nose and he almost goes feral in battle.” Jimin said tiredly.

“Band of misfits we are.” Ash laughed.

Jimin chuckled to himself before falling asleep. Ash had a harder time falling asleep; nerves making her antsy and scenarios playing out in her head not working out. Hearing the calm breathing of everyone lulled her to sleep eventually in a fitful sleep.

Waking up the next morning they scouted out their target the compound; it was heavily guarded and everything screamed trap to Ash. There were patrols that seemed to leave the compound every two hours like clockwork; not even touching the minds of the soldiers she could tell some of them were gifted, their faces gaunt and their eyes zoned out. They were like zombies; what had happened to them? Waiting for nightfall the guys took turns resting as they prepared for the break-in; they had found a weak point via the ducting system. Clearly, the council figured people may be able to get in but not likely leave, a bit cocky Ash thought. V was the lead as they carefully snuck up to the building; Jungkook made quick work of the grate and everyone filed into the tunnel, the darkness was not Ash’s favorite part about it but she dealt with it. Jungkook was using his nose leading them to Jhope and Bambam’s scent; the tunnel ran under the floors of the building only grating on the floor above them allowed them to see here and there as they moved.

“Make a right here; I can smell Jhope strongly there,” Jungkook whispered.

Faint noises could be heard from gifted people who were imprisoned there; groans and frustrated cries. They continued down the tunnel until Jungkook stopped; above them was a cell with Jhope inside, Ash opened a link to him but was rebutted with a wall. She stumbled against the tunnel wall; Jimin eyed her curiously.

“There is a barrier up, but I don’t think it’s his...someone has tapped into his mind. I’m going to have to break it down.”

Getting as close to Jhope as space allowed she squared her shoulders before she started to unravel the barrier that was up over Jhope’s mind, she could hear the constant murmuring that was telling Jhope to obey and that he wanted to obey trying to brainwash him into believing he did. Ash gritted her teeth as she unraveled the barrier carefully until she found his conscience in a corner of his mind trying to drown out the murmuring with his hands over his ears. Ash reached out and pulled his arms down so he would notice her.

“Hobi we are here.”

“You can’t be here they said they wiped everyone out. I’m so sorry! I wasn’t strong enough!”

“No Hobi you are strong enough. We are here to get you out of here, do you know where Bambam is?”

“No. We were ambushed and knocked out the next thing I know I woke up here and this guy was messing with my head. Make them stop...the voices make it stop.”

“I will Hobi. Stay with me ok, I need you to be strong for me and be prepared to fight ok?”

With confirmation from Jhope; Ash continued to break the connection that caused the voices sending along with it a power play of her own that would surely give the creator of the link a massive migraine. Jhope seemed to sag with relief; taking deep breaths as he became in control of himself again. Jungkook moved around Ash when she gave him a cue and he picked up the grate pulling himself up through the hole. His muscles flexing as he pulled on his inner strength and ripped open the door to Jhope’s cell freeing the man. Alarms started to go off and lights flashing.

“Well guess they know we are here now.” V huffed.

V pulled out his pistols as he prepared for the oncoming attacks; his fingers wrapping around the triggers ready to fire away. Jimin helped Jhope out of his cell, Jungkook followed his nose down the hallways until he picked up on Bambam’s scent. V picked off anyone that came their way; Ash threw up protective barriers for incoming bullets bouncing them back at the enemy. Jungkook stopped in front of another cell and pulled the door open. Bambam’s small frame was strapped to a table his eyes glazed over. Ash touched his mind and found the same kind of barrier as with Jhope. Growing agitated she unraveled it, but when she found Bambam he was reverted to more of a beast than himself...being a dominant presence she got him to listen to her, implanting the need to fight anyone of the council gifted or not was all she could do. It would take more time later to bring his conscience back to normal and she didn’t have the time to spare at the moment.

“Everyone step back. Don’t look him in the eyes I’m going to let him go.” Ash ordered.

Releasing the straps on the table Bambam instantly started to change, his frame growing and growing until he was a towering eleven foot tall and burly with pure muscle, a wolfish muzzle with sharp teeth dripping with saliva as he readied for a fight. Everyone stared at the floor as he sniffed everyone before howling a bone-chilling howl and taking off out of the cell down the hall where screams could be heard once he came across soldiers. Ash felt for the brainwave signature of the person behind the control on the gifted; Jimin pulled her along as they continued on their way to find their information base to destroy it. Using the signature she followed it back to the person only to receive maniacal laughter.

“I see this little bird has learned a few tricks how cute.” He sneered.

“Who are you?”

“Curious aren’t we? I am the dragon...play while you can you will be mine soon enough.”

Ash fought her rising anger, she followed the signature telling the guys where to go. She would confront this person and take them down even it if cost her life. Taking out soldiers as they went; Jhope regained himself fully and was using the electricity in the building to attack or disable the mobility of doors. The way he moved his arms made it seem like he was conducting a symphony rather than controlling lightning. Jimin had water droplets surrounding him; when an enemy appeared the droplets would thin out into needle-like projectiles and shoot at the enemy taking them down instantly. Jungkook was a force to be reckoned with; he would toss soldiers like tree limbs knocking down groups at a time or would use a solid metal door as a shield for incoming fire.

Jungkook and Jhope continued to release more imprisoned gifted as the others continued on to the man behind it all. V was starting to act funny; he was shaking his head a bit like he was trying to clear his vision or something. Ash eyed him carefully as she put herself between him and Jimin.

“Hey V you alright there?” She asked cautiously.

The ground started to shake around them, his shoulders were hunched up before he stood up straight and they straightened out again when he turned his eyes were glazed over and his face was emotionless. Fear struck her as she quickly threw up a barrier as he raised his pistols at her and Jimin, a bullet nicked her arm but it didn’t cause much damage other than a flesh wound. Hissing she glared at V, Jimin tried to warn her he was a wild card and she knew he had a desire for destruction but she didn’t think he would give in so easily to it and let the dragon or whoever controls him.

“Too easy. How does it feel to have one of your own against you?” Laughed the man in question.

“You’re sick.”

“It could all end if you would just bend to me little bird. You can’t beat me at this game it's too easy, minds are so impressionable.” More maniacal laughter.

Ash grit her teeth as she kept deflecting fire coming from V. Jimin tried to talk to him but was answered with only silence.

“It’s no use Jimin he's under control, I need you to go find the others.”

“I’m not just going to leave you here!”

“Do you want to die here! Go find the others and get out of here. I will handle this. Trust me Jimin.”

Pulling back until they reached a hallway that split into a T; she held up her barrier until she could usher Jimin to go down to the right and look for the others. He was angry at her for wanting to split up but he did it regardless.

“You better not die.” He ground out.

“You either.”

Jimin took off down the hallway; Ash formulated orbs of energy to knock V on his ass and hard. Releasing her barrier for just a fraction of time she fired at him and he took a solid hit to the chest sending him down the hallway skidding to a wall slamming his head against it. Approaching carefully she waited to see if he would wake; he laid motionless on the floor. Disarming him she called for Bambam’s beast; she could hear him crashing down the hall toward her. Pulling the hold the dragon had on V she left him unconscious temporarily. Bambam’s beast came up to her nuzzling her arm, Ash put the command to take V out of the building as far away from the building as possible and not to return after. The beast whined but complied; picking up V with the utmost care like he was a cub. The beast took off down the halls leaving Ash alone; chills ran up her spine she was all alone now and would have to fend for herself. Being on high alert she prepared for anything that might pop out at her; she drew closer and closer to the room she knew she would find the man who called himself the dragon, the building was becoming a mess with wires hanging down sparking, broken drywall laying in bits on the floor and the lights flickering repeatedly.

Using her mind she felt around her for anyone who may be close; she was alone save for the dragon himself, his laughter still echoing in her mind. His amusement was grating on her nerves. Facing the door to the room she knew he was in she prepared a tight barrier on her mind and a barrier around her body; good thing too because as soon as the door opened he fired orbs at her pushing her back against the wall of the hallways. They burned against her barrier; the heat making her breath nearly leave her lungs...she could do this.

“Took you long enough little bird. Now are you going to play nice or do we need to educate you.”  He laughed menacingly.

His face was pale in color with pitch black eyes no irises, his mouth is what creeped her out the most it was sewn shut, the strings pulling at the skin around his mouth when he moved it. He could not actually speak she realized; the sickness of his mind was becoming alarming. He was standing with his arms behind his back in a black uniform like trench coat from what she could see. His dark hair was sticking in all different ways making him even more unnerving than he already was.

Taking advantage of her shock at his appearance he shot off an attack on her mind making her cry out as she stumbled back from the force. His laughter in her head making her clench her teeth through the pain. He was jumping in glee at her pain; he pulled one of the energy guns from behind his back and shot at her, there wasn’t enough time to put up a barrier and she took the hit directly making her fly back on her back twitching from the aftershocks. She did not miss that stupid contraption. This man was clearly insane and laughing at her pain, his black eyes creasing as he smiled and laughed in his head.

“Oooh this is the best, you should have shown up earlier when we were testing the deatomizer. The screams were amazing! Watching as the testers were disintegrating at a molecular level, their bodies contorting on itself as they beg for their lives...gives me chills just thinking about it!” Again he was bouncing about in glee.

Ash glared up at him as she got up again; wary of him as he was clearly unstable. Taking in her surroundings more carefully this time she noticed they were in a command center of sorts. It was empty save for the two of them; yells could be heard and gunfire could be heard from the hallway echoing from who knows where. There were towers of servers that could be seen and monitors all around the room that displayed flickering camera feeds from around the compound.

Hordes of soldiers running and fighting against gifted. Ash threw back a mental attack on the man who called himself the dragon; Mark’s advice to embrace her powers replaying in her mind, giving her a bit of courage and making her numb to diving into his brain and breaking down who this person really was. It was a painful process for both parties; he screeched as she dug past his barriers and picked through his memories, Ash gritted her teeth as she got deeper. His memories playing like movies around her; watching him being a scared boy who didn’t know how to control his power and being abused at a young age, the growing hatred he harbored as he got older developing  to a hunger for power, he wanted to wipe the world clean of non gifted people and serve as a leader of sorts over the world. But his idea of ruling was sick and twisted, he had no regret for the people he hurt who were gifted he just saw them as cannon fodder or collateral not as beings. His mind was leaving a sour taste in her mouth and nauseous feeling in her gut. She learned his name was actually Jiyong, he held his head on the floor as she kept sifting through his mind.

“GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!”  He screamed.

Ash wasn’t going to let up; disrupting his control he had on gifted in the compound she could see some of them looking around as the fighting was happening and going on the defense against the soldiers who held them captive on the monitors. Digging deeper she could not find even a glimmer of the conscience that would be the good in Jiyong he was rotten through and through, closing her eyes she did what she hated to do but needed to do...she caused an aneurysm in his mind and he fell to the floor limp and dead before her. The compound started to shake and tremble underfoot; she thought of V, was he out? Was he safe? Feeling wetness running down her chin she wiped her face only to see blood...the exertion did not come as a surprise she had done a lot. Stepping over to the servers she produced a USB and downloaded everything she could pocketing it and stumbling out of the command center. Using the wall as support she made her way toward the noise she could hear. Opening a link to her friends she gave them one more command.

“Retreat guys, get out of here. Grab anyone you can and get out of here, the dragon is dead. I can handle this from here. Get out.”

She was met with refusals but she cut the link from them her head was pounding but she would end this here and now. Finding a center point where the hallways connected it she watched as hordes of soldiers headed her way from all sides; she would take them all out and protect her friends. Reaching deep within herself she let go; untapped unstable power being unleashed. It burned like a fire in the center of her chest, letting it take over with the only thought being to protect her friends. Her skin burned with the raw power; her vision whited out as she felt her feet leave the floor and the walls around her crumbling. The whole building shook and started falling apart all around her, soldiers ran in fear but were crushed in debris as they tried. All her anger being unleashed on the building and the people inside it; the discrimination for being gifted, the experimentation on gifted, the hostility for being different all surfacing making her eyes glow as her power took hold bringing the building down on itself crushing the enemy inside. Only a beam of light could be seen shooting up in the sky before everything went dark and silent.

Jimin and Jungkook were safe outside with V and Jhope; the rescued gifted watching on in awe. The compound was destroyed and with it, they feared their friend as well. Jungkook was the first to move toward the rubble, his nose was never wrong he could still smell Ash knew she was still alive.

“V get over here we have to get her out!”

“Kook what are you doing?” Jimin ran up to him trying to pull him back from the rubble.

“She’s still there; I can smell her...I don’t know for how long though.”

A glimmer of hope sprung up in Jimin; V appeared by his side and started to control the pieces of concrete moving them bit by bit, each slab revealing crushed bodies of soldiers. Jungkook picked up pieces of rubble and threw them aside as he searched for Ash, her smell was growing weaker and he was panicking. V removed a rather large piece of concrete and under it lay Ash; her body was in a sorry state, cuts, and scrapes everywhere and a large gash on the side of her head that bled heavily. Jimin barreled passed Jungkook only to cradle her head gently, pulling out a bandana from his pocket to add pressure to the gash. His hands trembled as he tried to wrap his head around that fact that she was still alive.

“We should get her back to the compound,” V suggested.

“It’ll be too risky to move her that far, call for an helio pick up,” Jhope suggested.

V pulled out his radio and called back for a pickup, meanwhile Jimin collected water from the air around them. He was exhausted but didn’t want to risk losing her; pulling on any reserves of strength he had left he used his gift to heal the gash on her head, the gash closing on its own weaving back together. Jungkook was apprehensive too, her scent was wavering and he feared the worst. Kneeling by Jimin he offered as much support as he could as his friend focused on trying to heal her as best they could. It wasn’t long before the hum of a helicopter was heard approaching; everything was a rush after that. Both Suga and Jin jumped out of the copter and rushed over to them in the rubble; Suga being the first to curse as soon as he saw Ash. Jimin was swaying in his spot as he tried to heal her with his water. Jin had to forcefully pull him away; Jin had Jungkook help him gently put Ash on a stretcher and take her back to the copter, Jimin was slipping in and out of consciousness so they loaded him up as well. V took control of the situation on ground level as the copter took off back to their compound, he directed the newly released gifted and offered to give them sanctuary at the compound or they could return to a normal life if they wished.

The copter ride seemed forever long, Jin had set Ash up with an IV and was working his hardest to stabilize her. Jimin was not in much better shape; he laid beside Ash on another stretcher he reached a hand over to her wrist and refused to let her go.

“Looks like we might have to use the chamber...this is nearly beyond us,” Suga grunted.

Jin didn’t have much choice but to agree; they had recovered a chamber from a recon mission of an abandoned compound that enhanced healing with a controlled environment. It had never been tested, however, their options were limited for helping their friends so what better test subjects than them. Upon landing at the compound they were greeted with RM and a few recruits that helped unload Jimin and Ash, a worried frown took over RM's face as Jin filled him in on their plan to put them in the chamber. Taking their two now unconscious friends down into the compound to a room restricted from most in the compound is where they stored the healing chamber, taking scissors they made quick work of the tattered clothing covering Jimin and Ash. Jin fired up the chamber and typed in commands for the extent and strength level needed for healing the two. With the help of the recruits, they were able to carefully lift both Jimin and Ash into the chamber and close them inside it. RM was patient as he waited for Jin to finish the sequence on the chamber.

“What happened?” RM asked.

“I don’t have all the details but I can give you the quick version I did learn. Ash took out a man who was basically the leader. Then from what I gathered from V and Kook, she told them to retreat and the building started to crumble due to her and destroyed everything.”

Suga was going through Ash’s clothing when he found the USB she had pocketed; ignoring the other men he went to his computer and plugged it in, instantly videos of experiments started playing with documents reporting of their finds and names of individuals involved. One video stood out as it was of a man who was bound to a chair; the video was titled deatomizer test 63. He was hit with an energy blast from the gun in question; he screamed in agony as his body essentially broke down at a molecular level leaving nothing but a puddle of blood and bits of flesh in its wake. Silence filled the room, RM was the first one to curse after a moment.

“What else is there? What kind of sick person would create such a thing?” He grunted.

“There are projects for higher powered energy guns, and other potential weapons designed specifically for taking out gifted and nongifted alike. There were plans for a purge of sorts that would eliminate anyone that was ungifted, this guy seemed to want to create his own utopia.” Suga grunted not even hiding his disgust.

“Take what information you can and send it to my computer, I think it’s time we expose the government for their involvement in this and demand our rights back,” RM said as his anger lingered under the surface.

Getting short nods from both Jin and Suga he took his leave. Suga ran a hand through his hair messing it all up in frustration, his shoulders slumping as he looked over to Jin who didn’t look like he was in any better shape.

“Do you think they will pull through?” Suga finally asked.

“I don’t know; I hope so. Kook will kill us if we lose Jimin. I’m worried about Ash...her pulse was barely there when we picked them up...who knows how far she pushed herself.” Jin sighed.

Mark came in closing the door behind him quietly and clearing his throat to let the two doctors know he was there. Giving him tired looks they waved him in. They explained what the chamber was to him and that because of the urgency they put both Jimin and Ash inside.

“Do we even know if this thing works?” He questioned immediately.

“We don’t but we are willing to take a chance on it or we most likely would have lost both of them by now. All we can do is wait.” Jin said rubbing the back of his neck trying to ease out the kinks.

Mark tried to reach for Ash’s mind but was met with nothing but silence, it was unnerving, to say the least. Even when she was unconscious when she first arrived there was still some activity, now there was nothing. He tried for Jimin’s and was met with the same result, it made him uneasy not knowing if they would make it or not.

The men ended up leaving the room letting the chamber do its job; meanwhile, the others had returned later that night with refugees that required everyone to do their part and accommodate the extra mouths to feed and bed. When things finally settled down Kook was still in the chow hall with Bambam and V. Bambam regained himself once he wore himself out and transformed back into his small frame in the middle of the woods naked, he laughs about it now but it was a bit freaky at the time. V doesn’t remember being controlled or anything he did while under the influence of the dragon, just that his clips to his pistols were near empty. Kook had filled him in on it after they got back and he relayed everything that happened to Jimin and Ash afterward.

Days went by as everyone waited for any updates on Jimin and Ash, Jin was closely monitoring the chamber and said that the machine was working it was just a process due to the damage both had received. To say everyone was getting a bit antsy was an understatement; Kook seemed to be going through withdrawals from Jimin, the kitchen seemed empty without his presence. At the end of the week, the two had been in the chamber Jin started to feel a bit relieved as their vitals were stronger now and there seemed to be progress on their condition. Now it was only a matter of time before they were healed.

Jimin could feel a gentle caress on his mind; he knew instantly it was Ash...her mind seemed fragile and uncertain. Reaching out to her mind he sent to comfort and affection through the link; he told of his fears of losing her and his feelings for her he hadn’t been brave enough to admit to her or himself. He wasn’t sure when it started other than that when the idea of her being out of his life at all left a gaping hole in his chest ragged in pain. He wasn’t sure where they were just that he felt warm and almost like he was floating, he had feared they were dead at one point and that everything was just a dream or something. But then he could feel her body next to his; not thinking twice he reached out for her and pulled her close to him, his nose nuzzling against her neck.

“Jimin...is this real? I feel so heavy yet like I’m floating.”

“I don’t know...but I’ll take what I can get.”

“I don’t know how you can love someone like me...I’ve done horrible things, I killed a man...I killed him and who knows how many others.”

“You did what you had to do to stop him, without you he would still be tormenting people and getting a sick satisfaction over hurting us. You did what had to be done, that others were not strong enough to do.”

“My headaches still...I can’t remember everything. I don’t even know how I’m here. Is everyone alright? Did everyone get out? Where are they? V! Is V alright is he normal again?” Ash panicked.

“Shhh everyone is fine, V was fine when the building started to collapse...did you know you did that? Everyone got out just fine and probably waiting on us as we speak.”

“I don’t remember any of that. I don’t even know where we are.”

“I don’t know where we are either; but I know I have you here and that's more than enough for me for now,” Jimin said nuzzling closer to her.

The feeling started to return to Ash’s body the more time they were in their suspended feeling state; with the return of feeling, she realized she was naked and so was Jimin. Heat burned her cheeks as she tried to open her eyes only to be met with a dim blue light surrounding them. Jimin pulled back to see her face; his dark eyes cast in the darkness that drew her in more and more.

“W-w-we’re naked….hh-how?”

“Beats me. Why are you getting shy all the sudden? You were just fine a moment ago cuddling up to me with all these curves and teasing me.” Jimin joked.

“I-It's not funny! Just freaks me out.”

“I’m not freaked out...we are safe here, I kind of remember hearing the helicopter coming for us before I blacked out. We have to be in our compound so there's nothing to worry about.”

Searching his face for any sign he was uncertain; Ash sighed when she found none. They were safe then. Relief rolled off her and through the link, making Jimin relax though he didn’t know he had unintentionally tensed up. Carding his fingers through her hair to move it out of her face he was taken aback by her appearance...it had changed. Her irises had changed color to a vibrant purple, she still had the same glowing skin but her hair had changed to a silver like color.

“Ash...you're beautiful.”

“W-what?”

“Your eyes...they are like amethyst and look your hair...its beautiful.”

Taking her locks in her own fingers she could see it was now silver, when did that happen? Why did it happen? Jimin pushed her hands down so she would focus on him; he was leaning over her with his plump lips just moments away from hers. Caressing her cheek he leaned in and kissed her as he flooded their link with his affection for her, his need for her and his desire to be with her from that moment on. It was so much information at once all she could do was let out a breathy sigh as he leaned further on top of her, needing to feel skin on skin and be as close as possible. She didn’t fight him; she would be lying to herself if she didn’t say she hadn’t felt something for him for some time but was too afraid to do anything with the world potentially being destroyed as they knew it at the time. Jimin’s need was making itself very known by the hardness pushing against her hip making her gasp.

“Tell me to stop now or I won’t be able to control myself.” Jimin groaned into the link.

“Don’t stop.”

Her body was already moving on its own accord, hips rocking against him, hands weaving into his dark locks staring him down as she pulled him closer only for him to cave to his own desire and crush his lips on hers trying to steal her breath away. Like the turbulent waves of the ocean washing ashore; Jimin got lost in the moment, his hands roaming anywhere he could reach learning every curve every plain trying to commit it to memory, storing away every sound she made every sigh every moan. Turning his blue eyes on her amethyst ones they lost themselves in not just their power but each other, the air charged with their desire. Jimin slipped himself between her legs; his patience waning quickly, nipping her neck and dragging moans of his name from her he nearly lost his control there.

“Less thinking more moving!” Her own impatience evident.

Chuckling to himself Jimin bit her bottom lip as he lined himself up with her entrance and eased in slowly growling at how tight she was, what made it even more intense was how Ash passed through the link what she felt. The pleasurable stretch as he went further; the euphoria she was already experiencing from being filled and wanting him to move faster. Was he going to deny her? Of course not; wrapping his arms under her shoulders to hold her tightly he slammed his hips against hers driving into her faster and harder just like she wanted and hitting areas she had never experienced before making her world spin. Ash was beside herself in the flurry that was her thoughts; everything could be felt from his point of view just like her own, every thrust, every groan music to her ears.

“I think it’s time we check and see if they are ready to get out.” Suga drawled as he walked down the hallway with Jin.

“I didn't think it would take this long, to be honest. I’m concerned on how Ash will be; she was very close to the brink of death even after all Jimin had done.”

“It’s not like we are pros with the damn thing yet.”

“I hate worrying you know that.”

“Yea yea.”

Suga pushed open the doors to the room the chamber was stored in; lights flickered on as they entered the room. Jin went over to the cabinets along the wall and pulled out some standard sweatshirts and pants to give his patients should they be well enough to get out. Suga was looking over the readings on the screen knitting his brows.

“What the fuck?”

“What is it?” Jin walked over worried.

“Everything is elevated.”

“Is it malfunctioning or something?” Jin tried to decipher what was happening on the screen.

Muffled sounds could be heard from the chamber but they summed it up to the hum of the machine doing its job. Suga dragged a chair over to the chamber to reach the observation window; Jin tried going through options on the screen to see if he could figure out what was going on. Suga slides back the door to the window and peeked inside; his eyes widened before he shut the door quickly and busted up laughing as he leaned against the chamber holding his ribs.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Jin asked him with a raised brow.

Suga couldn’t answer as he continued to laugh and Jin started yelling at him for not spitting it out already.

Ash squeezed her eyes shut as she felt the tension in her womb then snap like a rubber band making her walls tighten and flutter around Jimin stealing his breath as he pumped into her faster and harder until he heard her scream as they both fell over the edge.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Jimin chanted as he emptied inside her.

He didn’t get a response from her other than the feeling of being high; he collapsed beside her drawing her closer as he pushed her sweat-drenched hair from her face and tilting her chin up for a kiss.

“I can’t feel my legs.” She laughed.

“Good...means I did well then.” Jimin chuckled.

Before they could get too comfortable the mechanical sound of the chamber around them startled them; Jimin instantly got in a protective position in front of Ash as the chamber opened revealing Jin and Suga. Suga was still chuckling to himself and Jin was looking cross at him as the chamber opened.

“How you doin Min? Have a good fuck?” Suga blurted.

Jin blanched as he looked to Jimin and then Ash taking in their appearances and then back at Suga. Then angry Jin appeared.

“You were laughing over that what the hell is wrong with you!” He pointed at Suga who just shrugged then he turned to Jimin. “WHY! IT'S BRAND NEW! YOU COULDN’T WAIT 20 MINUTES!”

Jimin had the sense to blush while rubbing the back of his neck; Ash hid behind his back only looking around his shoulder to see Jin’s flushed face before the man was silenced.

“Ash?” Jin asked.

She jumped at hearing her name; looking around Jimin’s a bit further she nodded to Jin. Suga held up his arm to keep Jin from getting closer and tossed the sweats to the two in the chamber. Making Jin turn around.

“Hurry up and get dressed before we have everyone down here after hearing this idiot yelling.” Suga snarked with a smirk on his face.

“ME! YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME WHAT WAS HAPPENING YOU SICK LITTLE FREAK!” Jin yelled.

Jimin chuckled as he passed clothes to Ash who quickly tugged them on before waiting for Jimin to finish before he helped her down from the chamber. Padding over to the two doctors; Jin turned around quickly getting up in Ash’s face taking in her appearance.

“What happened here?” He asked picking up a lock of her hair.

“I-I-I don’t know I woke up this way.”

“Would you back the fuck up Jesus.” Suga pulled him back. “Looks like from exerting yourself you either manifested or altered your gift somehow that it affected your outward appearance. Let me get a blood sample from both of you to see what I can find.”

Suga left them to collect some syringes and vials while Jin was looking at Ash like she was an exotic animal or something. Jimin didn’t like the look too well and stood closer to Ash tugging her a bit closer to him.

“Alright, kids hop up on the gurney over here so I can get this shit over with.” Suga patted the gurney on the other side of the room.

Jimin grabbed her hand and led her to the gurney putting himself between her and Jin. Suga was as gentle as he could be with her as he found a good vein in her arm for the syringe; Jimin rubbed her back as he waited for Suga to finish.

“JIN! Get your shit together, get me some gauze and tape.” Suga barked.

Jin jumped before glaring at the younger before muttering to himself as he went to collect the items. Suga finished with Ash pressing the gauze to her arm before securing it with tape; moving on to Jimin who was helpful and already had his arm outstretched for him.

“Do you guys feel any different? Any aches or pains anywhere?” Suga asked all business.

“My head ached a bit when I woke up...I can’t seem to remember a few things. There are a few gaps in my memory.” Ash spoke rubbing at her temple where a dull ache still lingered.

“With as much as you pushed your limits it would be expected you would have some issues with your mind, what do you remember?” Jin asked.

“Um...I found that Dragon guy, I-I-I killed him.” Her voice dropped at the end, Jimin wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders.

“What else?” Jin asked kindly.

“Telling everyone to get out...then nothing.” She looked up to Jin with fear in her eyes.

“It’s alright. We will take things slow, perhaps you will remember in time. For now take it easy until you are cleared got it?” Suga spoke up.

Nodding Ash watched as Suga secured gauze on Jimin’s arm before tugging down the sleeve to his shirt. Jin took the vials and headed out to the infirmary where their testing machines were; following behind Suga, Ash clung on to the hem of her shirt as she walked beside Jimin.

“I’m sure you two are starved; you’ve been in there for little over a week.” Suga drawled.

“A WEEK!” Both yelled.

Suga covered his ears as he glared at them over his shoulder; the two had the sense to look sheepish. They continued down the halls until they were reaching the chow hall. All conversation ended as they entered all eyes trained on Jimin and Ash, he squeezed her hand as they stared at their friends. Everyone was accounted for and a small wave of relief washed over her. Jungkook ran across the room and tackled Jimin knocking him to the ground like an offensive player.

“Had me worried sick you fucking water brain!” He chuckled as he helped Jimin up. Turning his gaze on to Ash he beamed.

“Look at you looking all fancy with a new look, whoa check out them eyes...nice!” He pulled her into a tight hug as the others gathered around to greet them.

Soon everything seemed just fine; laughs were shared and before long plates of food were pushed in front of Jimin and Ash making their stomachs growl loudly. Taking the time to eat and talk with their friends they finally started to relax that is until Suga spoke up.

“So Jimin you wanna tell everyone what you did today?” He smirked.

Jin still seemed upset about the christening of the healing chamber, Ash was pretty sure they would have to sanitize it for him later. Jimin could feel heat burn his cheeks as he glared at Suga who seemed to be having a field day at his expense. Jimin tugged Ash closer to him as he made everything clear.

“Ash is my girl now so hands off.” He pointed playfully at his friends.

“No that's not what I meant.” Suga chuckled.

Ash couldn’t bear it she jumped up and walked to the fridge to get a refill for her to drink her plate and utensils following behind her in the air distracting a few people. Going back to the table she figured she might as well clear the air and get it over with, setting her cup down loudly she sent a pointed to Suga who was enjoying himself too much.

“We fucked...there happy?” She growled.

If his growing smile was anything to go by yes he was. The guys around them were a mess of hollers of congrats or shock, Ash rustled Jimin’s hair before she left the chow hall a bit fed up with the embarrassment. As she entered the hall she saw Mark coming her way; his look of relief made her smile.

“About time you woke up sleeping beauty.” He jabbed.

“Yea yea gotta keep this face young you know.”

“That's not all you’re sporting a new look too. It's good to have you back.” He hugged her gently like a brother would.

“I was scared, Mark...I didn’t think I could do it.”

He knew immediately what she was referring too; he had taught her how to defend herself but he had also taught her how to kill if necessary. Pulling back so he could see her face he messed up her hair earning a growl from her.

“The first time always sucks no matter the circumstances; you did what you had to do and thanks to you we got all the intel we needed to fight against the government. You and Jimin have missed a lot. RM leaked the videos you downloaded on every facet he could you name it the internet, tv, streaming everything and bet your ass it got the government shaking in their boots now. They have opened negotiations that's where RM is now with Jhope and Bambam, using them as testimonies of the mistreatment of gifted.”

Ash looked up at him stunned; negotiations? Would they be able to return to normal lives someday? Live normally without fear of being captured and used as test subjects? The possibilities were unlimited and hope started to flare up in her chest at the thought of a normal life for herself and with Jimin too. Mark couldn’t help himself as he hugged her tight against his chest; whispering in her ear.

“Ash we owe you everything; you are the hero today. Thank you.”

He let her go and left her in her thoughts as he continued on to the chow hall; a small smile tugged at her lips. Continuing down the hallway she had the biggest urge to get some fresh air; going up to the garage she could feel the light caresses of a breeze coming through. Walking to the door she stepped outside and was greeted with a full sky of stars; the milky way seeming to smile down at her as she gazed at it. The breeze was lightly tugging at her hair making strands tickler her cheeks; a childish glee seemed to bubble in her chest and a smile pulled at her lips.

“Welcome back.” A deep voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

RM was walking up to the garage from the tree line; Jhope and Bambam not far behind and they already had smiles on their faces when they saw her. RM pulled her into a hug; she could feel the tension leaving his body as he hugged her. Guilt had her nibbling on her bottom lip; she must have worried him a great deal and she wanted to promise to never do it again but she wasn’t sure she could.

“You have missed a lot, but I am glad to say we might be able to return to normal lives again soon.” He beamed at her as he pulled away.

“What do you mean?” Ash was confused.

“The negotiations were a pain in the ass but I think things will work out in our favor; I have a few friends of mine who are supporters of our cause working laws and clauses to protect gifted and to keep us protected from the government and give us equal rights to those ungifted. There is the idea of making a gifted only neighborhood or city. There are tons of possibilities now all thanks to you and everything you have done for us.” He beamed at her like a proud father.

Her mind was racing and she had the sudden urge to want to cry; first Mark called her a hero and now RM treating her as one too had her feeling like she should be thanking them not the other way around. Tears tried to well up in her eyes and she looked away from him to Jhope who was giving her his award-winning smile.

“Hey, stranger. Digging the new look.” He chuckled.

Ash willingly walked into his outstretched arms for a hug. Bambam joined in hugging her as well, her tears won and trekked down her cheeks unchecked as her happiness went uncontrolled. A voice called out to them making them all laugh.

“I leave for a week and you all become softies on me,” Jimin called.

Ash detangled herself from Jhope and Bambam going up to Jimin’s side; he swept her cheek with his thumb wiping away wetness from her tears. Giving her a look asking if she was ok she only smiled and walked with everyone back inside.

RM gathered everyone in the chow hall and gave them the good news; he explained how he used the videos of the test subjects being killed and asked the government officials if they would like to explain such things. He also explained how he had shared the videos on every outlet he could and how the public was now aware of the treatment of gifted people and how their very own government had a hand in it. Speaking about the possibility of a normal life returning to them had everyone feeling hopeful. Afterward, Ash left with Jimin; he took her to his room and she finally got to see what his quarters were like. Pretty neat for a guy anyways; his bed wasn’t made and he had a few clothes draped over the back of his desk chair but otherwise it was neat and smelled like him...like home for her.

“What's running through your head?” He asked quietly.

“Honestly nothing...it's all so overwhelming.”

“Hard to believe it all worked out right? What will you do now then? Will you stay with us or move on?” Jimin asked a bit uncertain.

“That's a stupid question...I don’t have anywhere else I would rather be. My home is here...with you stupid.”

“Oh getting haughty now that you think you’re big shit? I might have to teach you a lesson or two.” Jimin growled playfully.

“Bring it on water brain.” Ash quipped.

Jimin tackled her onto his bed making her squeal in surprise before drowning her with his searing kiss making her forget her name with its intensity. Smirking against his lips she thought to herself it might just be worth it to save the world from time to time if it meant having Jimin like this in her arms.

[arazialotis]

Austin Nights - Part 5

Pairing: Single!Jensen × Reader

Word Count: About 3500

Summary: The reader lives in Austin and unknowingly runs into Jensen at a bonfire and sparks fly. Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 Part 4

Obviously I intend no hate or ill wishes to him or his family. This is purely just for writing and wasting my time.

This is purely for a hobby and my enjoyment. Maybe some of you will enjoy it too. I am by no means a writer so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or grammatical/spelling errors. I appreciate any feedback or suggestions!

----

When Jensen had said he would be in touch, you actually assumed it would be him. However, you felt like you had talked with his marketing and security team more than him in the last three weeks. (Yes, you promised him two but the school had asked for three in order to find a substitute counselor for such a long period of time.) If you had to go over your social media privacy settings one more time, you might begin pulling your hair out. It was driving you bonkers to say the least. Honestly, you didn’t care what people did and didn’t know about you or what could possibly happen if someone came across an unflattering photo, god forbid. But it was all to maintain Jensen’s image and you were determined to keep it up as much as you could.

All that behind you now, you were waiting in an airport terminal with boarding passes and passport in hand. The $3 fedora from Target rest atop your head being your constant companion for any traveling adventure. Angie hardly let you go and if she had a valid passport she would have definitely come with you.

“Take a picture with Jared for me.” She demanded. “No, call me with him, wait make sure it is a video call!” She had instructed you.

Thinking about it now, you were super nervous and unsure why. With Jensen it came and happened so naturally. With Jared it seemed like you needed to meet an expectation, you were dating his best friend, you needed to live up to his standard and make a good impression. Regardless, there was no turning back now as you boarded the plane.

Customs were quick and easy. You couldn't remember who told you but someone had once explained getting into Canada was fairly easy, it was coming back when you would run into problems. Jensen had texted you earlier explaining a car would meet you there. However, you tried to make it clear that you would be fine with a cab. Regardless, coming down the escalator you saw a man dressed in black holding a sign with your name. You rolled your eyes and tucked your hair up into your hat, trying to disguise yourself. You said you were taking a cab so that’s what you were going to do, you thought. As soon as you hit the floor you b-lined for the opposite direction of the driver, trying to make it outside before noticed.

You cringed as you heard, “Ms. Y/L/N, Ms. Y/L/N!” being called throughout the lobby.

You forcefully froze yourself as not to run out the doors. You turned around putting a smile on as the man caught up to you. “Oh, wow. This was unexpected, I didn’t see you.” You lied through a smile.

The man saw through your act. “He told me you might try to avoid me.”

“I’m just very independent, that’s all.” You tried to ration.

“Can I grab your luggage?” He smiled, not sure if he was amused or offended.

“Independent.” You said slowly again.

“Right, of course. We’re out this way.” He directed.

You followed willingly but played a bit of tug-o-war for the honors of loading the luggage into the car. He eventually won and opened the door for you. Driving down the highway you looked out the window taking in the new views and cityscape.

“So, are we heading to Jay’s apartment?” You asked.

“Mr. Ackles requested that I take you to the studio and I’ll drop your luggage off at his residence afterwards.” He responded.

“Well, I could wait at Mr. Ackles’ apartment until he arrives so I could freshen up and rest from a day of travel.” You suggested with a bit of attitude.

“If need be, you can in the trailer, it has more than enough accommodations.”

You sighed not getting your way. The longer you traveled down the highway the more anxious you became and started to fiddle with your fingers. When you arrived to the studio it looked as you expected. A gated entrance, factory warehouses which contained sets. You had to check in with security, including having your picture taken, your bag searched through, and you were required to wear a visitor’s badge. It was honestly more of a process than customs had been. Upon arriving at Jay’s trailer, the driver introduced you to a personal assistant named Marcus.

“Marcus will escort you around the studio and help you with anything you need. I’ll drop your luggage to Mr. Ackles’ apartment.” The driver explained again.

“Really, I’ll be fine, I don’t need a PA.” You tried to argue.

“Even if you don’t, it’s a security requirement.”

“Because I am such a threat.” You tried to joke, but the driver must have lost his patience dealing with your antics.

So you were left alone with Marcus, who immediately started asking want you wanted to drink or eat or needed.

“Just need to freshen up.” You explained.

“Right, of course.” He unlocked the trailer for you. “I’ll be right out here if you need anything.”

As you entered you were certain your jaw fell to the floor. It had more luxury than your own apartment and was probably equal in size. Okay, so you were exaggerating, but not by much. You cautiously explored around, opening cupboards, looking at the rooms, probably breaching all kinds of security protocols. You did find a small bathroom and freshened up as well as applying some makeup that you had kept in your travel bag. Being unsure of what to do, you sat on a couch, and just sat, hoping Jensen would come join you soon. After about an hour, you couldn’t stand it anymore and went outside to find Marcus, sitting literally right there.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you could have come in.” You apologized.

“No, it's okay, I wouldn’t have anyways. Can I get you something?” He asked.

“Actually, I was wondering where Jensen is?” You asked.

“They’re working on set right now, needing to get a few scenes done before the end of the day.” He explained but caught hint of your frown. “But I can see if it is an open set, we could go watch them.” He suggested.

“Would you?” You asked relieved. “That would be amazing.” You liked him a lot better than the driver.

Marcus responded to a text on his phone. “Yeah, we can definitely sneak in.”

Marcus led you to a golf cart and drove around the studio until entering a warehouse. You were at the set of the bunker with a full crew and the cast running lines. You stood in the back as not to be a distraction.

“It looks like a skeleton compared to what’s on TV.” You whispered to Marcus.

“Yeah, it’s amazing what we’re able to do.” He whispered back.

You heard Jensen’s voice over the set. Your heart dropped and your cheeks flushed seeing him as something familiar in this strange world. It had only been three weeks but you desperately wanted to run up and hug him. You bounced in place a little in order to contain your excitement. Throughout the scene you watched him. He was so focused and involved it really felt like Dean Winchester was in the room.

They quickly reset the scene. It amazed you how quickly he slipped out of character, joking around with Jared, and how fast he got back into the scene. Things were heating up in the scene and you jumped startled when Jensen slammed his hand down on the table. He was attempting to be furious but caught a glance of you out of the corner of his eye and smiled. He looked back down at the table attempting to furrow his brow again but he couldn’t help to grin like a child.

“Cut,” He yelled. “I need a cut.” He repeated.

A bell rang and someone yelled “15 minutes” as he ran over to you. He picked you up into a hug and spun you around, planting a kiss on your cheek. You laughed as he placed you back down on the ground.

“God, I missed you.” He confessed.

“You can’t cut a scene for me, they’ll hate me.” You whispered concerned.

“What? No. Besides I hear you are making friends already.” He joked.

“Who said that, the hitman or the babysitter?” You whispered again not wanting Marcus to hear.

“Someone is concerned you are either a flight risk or a security threat.” Jensen smiled only imagining how you acted earlier.

“He should realize I’m both, tattletale” You joked. “I was trying to be friendly, really.” You tried to convince him.

“Oh, no doubt.” Jensen said not believing it for a second.

You caught a glimpse of Jared heading over and nuzzled Jensen attempting to hide in his shoulder. He reassuringly rubbed your back and you turned around ready to make a good impression.

“So this is who’ve you been hiding for what, seven months now?” Jared asked Jensen. “I can see why.” He reached out to shake your hand as your cheeks set on fire.

“Down boy.” Jensen lightheartedly nudged Jared, to which Jared patted Jay’s chest.

“So, Jensen has literally shared no information with me about you…” Jared started.

“Not true.” Jay interrupted.

“So quick, give me the spark notes.” Jared continued.

“Um… really just a small town girl, living in a lonely world.” You started giving you a second to think causing both of them to smile. “Bachelors of social work from U of T, passionate for social justice and raising mental health awareness, guidance counselor at a middle school, and in love with this guy right here…” You nudged Jensen and froze, did you just say love?

“Y/N is all about AFK, uses the message a lot with her students.” Jensen interrupted sensing you had froze.

“Very cool.” Jared added.

“Other than that I like exploring new and weird places and some people would say I am stubborn.” You looked at Jensen who shook his head denying. “But I’d love to chat more over a beer sometime and get to know you.”

“Of course, we should totally go out tonight after we are finished with the set.” Jared suggested. Jay cleared his throat. “I guess Jensen can come too.” Jared added. You laughed nervously. Jared was called from across the set. “It was great meeting you, looking forward to tonight.” He winked and bounded across the room.

You immediately hid your face in Jensen’s chest again and he wrapped his arms around you. “Was that okay?” You asked in a muffled voice.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Jensen asked you. “I love you and so I know Jared will too. Just be yourself okay?” You nodded. “So I gotta get back to it if we are ever going to make it out of here tonight.”

You finally left the shelter of him. “Can I stay and watch? I’ll try not to be a distraction.”

“That’s impossible, you’re always a distraction in my head. But maybe I can turn the distraction into a muse.” He winked at you and left to follow Jared.

Marcus appeared next to you again with a drink holder filled with four different coffee creations. “I didn’t know what you would like so I am hoping one of these will work.” When you looked at him confused. He continued. “I just thought after a long day of travel, and with the time change…”

“I guess we’ll just have to drink them all then.” You suggested taking one and giving another to him and silently toasting.

It took them two hours to finish up the two scenes. During cuts Jensen would flirt at you with his eyes to which you would return with a silly face. It was another 30 minutes before they were cleaned up and officially released. Marcus finally left your side when Jensen took over again and walked you to his trailer.

“So what did you think?” He asked you.

“I don’t know… It was weird.” You confessed.

“What? Weird how?” He questioned.

“I don’t know how to explain it… it’s just like so much goes into it for something that is only going to be on the screen for two minutes and you literally become a different person out there.” You tried to put to words. “I’ve just never experienced anything like it.”

He opened the trailer door and let you in.

“I don’t think it would be any different if I watched you work though. I’ve never seen you in action.” He commented.

“Except I wouldn’t be able to get any work done, all the girls would be lined up at the door to gush over you.” You joked.

“Nah, I’m too outdated for them. I’m sure it’s all Harry Styles this, J Biebs that.” Jensen played off.

You simply rolled your eyes in response as he did not realize how much he still had it going on.

“Hey, what’s this?” Jensen pointed to a wrapped package on the counter.

“A present.” You said a bit nervous about how he would react to it.

“A present?” He repeated and started opening it up.

“Yeah, it’s just something stupid…”

Upon opening, Jensen laughed and crinkled his nose. It was a small Texas longhorn stuffed animal that you had picked up before leaving the Austin airport.

“It’s so you won’t get lonely when I leave.” You explained embarrassed.

He pulled you closer, pinning you between him and the counter. “I love it.” He said sincerely. “Expect I’m never letting you leave.” He said before starting to kiss your neck and his hands went for your waist.

You started to laugh. “Oh my gosh! Jared’s probably waiting for us.”

“He can wait and extra 15 minutes.” Jensen’s tone turned animal.

Well, 15 minutes later you both were heading out. You self-consciously ran your fingers through your hair and adjusted your clothing to make sure everything was in place. You met up with Jared who had his classic beanie on and was ready to leave.

“What took you so long, diva?” He asked Jensen.

Jensen gave him a perky grin and raised his eyebrows. You nudged him with your elbow. Apparently it took him longer to get out of character than you thought.

“So, Jared, do you have any suggestions for tonight?” You asked trying to redirect the conversation.

“Uh, Gastown is pretty cute. Think she’d like it down there?” Jared asked Jay.

He nodded his head and with a serious tone mocked Jared. “Oh, yes, very cute.”

“I’m up for anything. We could share a cab, or hop on the metro?” You suggested.

“It’ll be easier just to get a driver.” Jensen said.

You shook your head no with exaggerated playful anxiety written on your face.

“Listen, you’ve got full reign in Austin, up here things are just a little different. You’ll get used to it though.” Jensen tried to encourage you.

“What’s wrong with the driver?” Jared asked confused.

“I think he’s listed me as at least a code 4 security concern.” You admitted.

“Nice!” Jared laughed and high fived you. “We should sneak her in tomorrow just to mess with them.” He suggested.

“Regardless, the more we are out in public together, the more we chance depriving Angie the promise of outing us.” Jensen said as the driver pulled up.

You squished in-between the middle of them not wanting to sit up front. “Oh, have you not checked twitter today?” You asked him.

“Even if he did, he literally is only following 4 people and therefore misses everything.” Jared teased.

You pulled up Angie’s tweet on your phone as Jensen and Jared playfully bickered about technology. Angie had taken a photo of you at the terminal posing with your suitcase, foot pop and all. ‘My bestie @Y/N is headed up to VC. Any guesses on who she is going to see? ;)’ You had been avoiding your phone all day with the amount of responses. Ever since she initially posted the first photo of you and Jay, her account had blown up. With this second tweet yours was going out of control as well. Jay took your phone to see what was going on.

“Oh, we are taking care of this right now.” Jay said. He took his own phone out to take a selfie.

“Ahh! No!” You leaned closer to Jared. “I’m all jet-lagged and gross from traveling.” Jared pushed you back to Jay. “Fine, fine.” You finally agreed.

“Okay, how do you get this thing to work?” Jensen asked causing you to laugh. He snapped the picture then, loving the way your eyes lit up and smile brightened when he caused you to laugh.

“Jensen, we have to do a real one.” You complained cheerfully.

“Alright, but I am keeping that one for the photo album.” He joked again and took another photo. When he looked to see how it turned out, he reared his head back laughing. At the last second you had puckered your lips and crossed your eyes.

“You guys are impossible.” Jared said taking Jensen’s phone ready to take another picture. “I’m uploading this one either way so make it count. 3… 2…”

Jensen kissed your temple and held the other side of you head, pressing you closer to him. You squinted your eyes shut with a playful and ecstatic smile.

Jensen took it back. “Yeah, that's a cute one.” He commented typing up a tweet.

“Yes, all your cuteness is making me nauseous.” Jared said sarcastically.

“We try and keep the PDA to a minimum.” You defended.

“Right, Jensen told me how you met.” Jared argued.

“It doesn’t count if no one is around.” You tried to convince him.

“Don’t listen to him, he’s just a bitter old man.” Jensen told you.

“You mean free and unchained.” Jared corrected.

“I meant exactly what I said.” Jay stood firm. “Here, what do you think?” He handed you his phone.

‘@bluehairdontcare, Thanks for sending @Y/N up, she’s safe and sound, but no promises on when/if she’ll return.’

You handed the phone back to him. “Here goes nothing.” You said as he posted it.

You felt your phone vibrate and a few seconds later vibrate again and again. You took it out to see the notifications piling on and quickly texted Angie. ‘Going on a tech break for a bit. Contact the prepaid if you need me.’

‘Got it! I still expect a video chat with Jared by the end of the week.’ She responded.

‘Of course.’  ‘Eat up all this attention while you can.’

‘Can I be your press secretary??’ She asked.

‘Haha, absolutely.’  ‘Love you Ang Xx’

‘Love you too Xxx.’

With that you shut your phone off entirely. As you entered the Gastown district, you leaned over Jensen to get a better look. The driver pulled up to a pub called the Black Frog and the three of you got out together. You looked around the brick streets, brick buildings, and quaint street lamps.

“Screw you guys, I’m hanging out down here tomorrow while you’re on set.” You joked.

“I thought you’d like it,” Jared said and held open the door for you. “Come one.”

Jensen grabbed your hand and led you through to a small pub with a wooden floor. There was an open high top which you guys grabbed up. You ordered some poutine as well to accompany the beer. Chatting with both of them came naturally. Occasionally there was a inside joke that left you guessing, but overall things flowed smoothing, it was probably the second drink helping you along. You talked Pearl Jam, other music updates, and guilty listening pleasures with Jared. You explained how your biggest passion was your work and empowering the kids, sitting through the ups and downs with them, hormonal swings and all. They talked a bit about their industry and the show, but you tried to divert the topics so it wouldn’t feel so much like an interview to them.

After about the third yawn within two minutes Jensen spoke up. “Alright, it’s time to get you some sleep.”

You didn’t protest beginning to feel pretty exhausted. You parted ways from Jared after making tentative plans for tomorrow. Having a window seat this time, you spent it gazing at the city lights before leaning your head against Jay’s shoulder and slipping into sleep. When you finally reached his apartment he could hardly wake you.

“Come on girl.” Jensen cooed.

He held you up as you made the way through the lobby and elevator. He sung softly to you on your way into his apartment. You tried to take in the details but they seemed quite hazy. Jensen helped slip your jeans off and tucked you into bed. He came along side you in just his briefs. He stroked your hair as you drifted back to sleep.

“So, love, huh?” Jay asked picking out what you had said to Jared earlier.

“Mmhmm” You hummed softly with your eyes closed.

He kissed your forehead and pulled you close against him. “Glad to finally know you feel the same.”

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Click here to Continue to Part 6

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[benjamingarden]

What I've Learned From Whole Foods Plant Based Eating

I've been eating a strict whole foods plant based (WFPB) diet since the middle of September of this year.  I've lost almost 30 pounds in that short period of time and more than that, I feel good.  I have a lot more energy (although the release of stress from caretaking is likely part of that).  I don't suffer any sinus headaches at all (and with fall I usually suffered immensely) and my immune system feels stronger.   This post is in no way an attempt to convince anyone to go WFPB.  Heck, I'm not at all sure how long I will continue following the strict guidelines, but I have learned a LOT in this short period of time and thought I would share what I've learned with you.  I feel some of it I should have known, but I guess I never really thought about it.  Regardless, it came about, I suppose, when I needed to see it. A Quick Recap: Four years ago I gave up dairy.  I was sick of being sick.  Sinus infection after sinus infection continued to land me in Urgent Care and my doctor's office and after one rather severe infection that just wouldn't get better I decided to give it up.  That was step one in my WFPB journey. I've suffered from seasonal and dust mite allergies since my early twenties and developed additional allergies to cats and dogs in the past 10 years.  My allergies caused me constant issues (after all, I have cats AND dogs in my life and live around molds and mildews of the great northeast!) and some years I would end up on antibiotics up to 4 times.  After 30 days of being dairy free, I felt so good that I decided to try what I'd suspected might help me out health wise - going WFPB.  Mostly to help lower my blood pressure and gradually increasing cholesterol. If you look up info on the WFPB movement, it involves giving up not only meat, seafood, and dairy but also oils, salt, and refined sugar too in addition to cutting down consumption of nuts to just a small handful daily, at most.  While that is a quick list of what to cut out, what you add in is just as important.  Veggies - a LOT of veggies, at least two times a day.  Lots of leafy greens, cruciferous veg, as well as all of the other types you can think of.  Beans or legumes and whole grains as well as fruits are added in volume to your daily meal plan too. When I first gave up meat, almost three years ago, I did not go completely WFPB.  I was still cooking with oils half the time and water the other half, I started using butter again, but only as a spread for bread.  I still consumed refined sugar (although quite a bit less)and although I believed I was eating nuts in moderation, I now know that I wasn't.  I was also eating some vegan "junk food" (vegan cheese & vegan sausage/"meats").  I lost 15 pounds and I did feel a bit better.  While I did not get any further sinus infections, I continued to suffer from sinus headaches with the changing of seasons, before rain or snow, etc. After about a year and a half of that I began eating meat and seafood here and there, once every 1-2 weeks.  Then, when I began trying to adjust my life to include caring for my terminally ill mother, I began eating more meat.  Rather than finding time that I didn't have to continue cooking a meal for J, a meal for her (food was very difficult for her at the end), and a meal for me for lunches and dinners. Every. Single. Day.  For months.  I gave into eating meat and seafood about 3 times a week so that I could cook one meal for two of us and then I only had to figure out a separate meal for my mom.  And I gained most of the 15 pounds back.

Me sporting my graying hair

My mother passed away in September of this year and what really shook me to the core was how rare her cancer was.  Not only how rare it was but also how far progressed it was by the time anyone found it.  My health suddenly became the most important thing in my life (which it should have been...).  I fully understand that I can't do much about genetics.  But what I can do, is try to be the healthiest version of me that I can so hopefully when/if I have to battle a serious illness, my body will respond well.  I can also hope that being the healthiest version of myself may help protect me for either a longer period of time or, lessen the impact.  I went full-on WFPB the very next day. Here is what I've learned the past 2 months that I've been following a strict WFPB diet:

1. Nuts Are Good (In Moderation)

     While there are some studies that show and physicians who believe that the nutritional value nuts holds is not worth the risk of consuming the amount of fat they are comprised of, most say they are very good for us in moderation.  Moderation is further defined as a small handful per day.

     I began adding a small handful of chopped walnuts to my daily oatmeal and thought "I've got this!"  Additionally, once a month I eat 2-4 Brazilian nuts.  Once I switched to the strict WFPB guidelines, and began actually consciously paying attention to what I was eating, I realized I'd been fooling myself.  Most vegan alternatives ("cheese", "sauces", "milk", etc.) contain nuts.  This meant I was eating my small handful in the morning (I use oat milk rather than nut milk), and then again at lunch with a "cheese" I added to my veggie burger, and sometimes at dinner in a sauce made of a large amount of cashews.      My personal theory is that following the "nuts are good in moderation" determination is the one I'd like to continue following.  I believe they do offer a significant nutritional benefit, I enjoy them, and will choose to continue consuming them.  In moderation, of course, because first, they are high in fats and I'm not interested in ever going back to consuming as much fat as I'd previously been consuming.  Second, they are expensive.  And third, there are other ways to make sauces, etc.  It just takes a bit of research and trial and error.

2. Most Of Us Do Not Consume Enough Vegetables       Eating a strict WFPB diet where I incorporate a salad of leafy greens with almost every meal has really opened my eyes to the fact that I was definitely not previously eating enough vegetables.  I mean, honestly, when was the last time you ate leafy greens (they don't count if they were drenched in a high fat dressing) with lunch AND with dinner for more than one day in a row? They are chock full of nutrients and just make you feel good.      Additionally, there's just so much information out there touting the benefits of cruciferous veggies as well as eating a rainbow of colors at every meal, that I will definitely continue this practice.  I've found that chopping veggies on the weekend and keeping them in the refrigerator in containers allows me to easily make side salads to go with my weeks worth of lunches and dinners.  If I don't prep ahead of time it's, unfortunately, more likely I will not eat a salad.

3. Are "Healthy Oils" Really Healthy?      The short answer is, I have no idea.  There's so much research on both ends of the spectrum, but what I do know is that I have been using and consuming way too much oil.  (did you know that many packaged oat milks contain oil?  what????  it makes no sense to me....) Like nuts, oil is expensive, so at the very least using less is good for my budget.  But the bigger picture is that oil-free cooking and eating is really easy once you get used to the alternatives.  Salad dressings, roasted veggies, stir fry, and baking are all easily created with healthy replacements to oils.  I use water or broth for roasting or stir frying, applesauce for baking, and I'm a big fan of just a bit of balsamic vinegar for my salad.      That also brings up processed vegan foods.  When you look at the ingredients list for most alternative meats, cheeses, etc. they are loaded with oils.  Loaded I tell you!  Yes, technically they can call the "plant-based" because the oils come from plants.  But is that really healthy???  I, personally, don't believe it is so I'm choosing to continue to omit them from my life.      Oils as a part of a whole food (fish, avocado, olive, etc.) I can see could be healthy.  But stripping oil from the food and just consuming the oil (like consuming fruit juice instead of the whole fruit leaves you devoid of fiber) doesn't seem like it would be a good idea.  Again, I never thought of this before until I began delving into WFPB but it sits well with me. 4. Whole Grains Have A Place In My Heart      I have no issue at all with a switch from white pasta to whole wheat.  I also have found a short-grain brown rice that I really like.  My husband, on the other hand, isn't interested in trying either.  He's sticking with the white versions, thank you very much.  If you can't or aren't interested in eating wheat, quinoa and millet are gluten free and also delicious and so easy to prepare (even my husband likes both of these!).  There are a number of alternative whole grains out there whether you are gluten-free or not, and they are a great addition to meals.      One thing I have found, however, is you could go broke and crazy (ok, not really, but you get the idea) trying to follow different whole grain recipes because it seems like each one calls for a different grain.  I've decided to convert any recipe I try to using one of the 4 grains I'm choosing to purchase (whole-wheat pasta, brown rice, quinoa, & millet).      Whole grains make me feel full, they are satisfying to me, and I plan to continue eating them.

5. Eating Natural Or Other Sugars Sparingly Is Key      We know this, right?  But do we follow this?  I may have told myself I was eating sugars sparingly, but after really examining my daily eating habits, I was not.  (look closely at labels - it's so frustrating how many items have sugar in them!) If you aren't addicted to sweet foods then this isn't an issue for you (and you are VERY lucky).  I, however, am.  I've begun using primarily maple syrup and dates for sweeteners and they have worked out very well!  But even better, I've cut down what I make that needs any sweetener and instead we eat whole fruit.  And fruit is sooooooo much sweeter now that I rarely consume any sweetener.      Although I may consume refined sugar very rarely and not be so restrictive, I have no desire to go back to consuming it more than a couple of times a year.  For a few reasons.  First, I don't believe it's a good thing to put in our bodies.  Second, it's too easy for me to get addicted to it and want it more and more.  And third, because I want to continue with natural sugars for any baked goods we do consume, which is rare nowadays. 6. No Salt, Or Low Salt?      On WFPB you either cut out salt completely  or cut it back quite a bit, depending on who's version you follow.  Salt is an item I don't eat a lot of but I have cut it back even more (because of my high blood pressure).  For the first month I consumed no added salt.  The few items I purchase that are processed (canned tomatoes and boxed veggie broth) I purchased the no salt added versions.  These past couple of weeks, I have added a very small amount of salt here and there because, well, it just makes food taste soooo much better.      I now use Redmond Real Salt from Utah (affiliate link) and really like it.  And I use it very very sparingly.  It only took about 2 weeks for my taste buds to adjust when I originally omitted it, although many foods do still taste very bland without any salt.  Those are now the only ones I (sparingly) salt and I no longer use it when cooking. 7. Follow Your Gut      I really believe that we know, intuitively, what is best for us.  And what is best for me may not be best for you.  We have to also factor in that we change - our bodies change, our needs change, etc.  I don't know about you but I've spent my entire life worried about weight.  Weight and clothing size have been the main focus points.  No more! My focus now shifts to getting myself and then keeping myself as healthy as I can.      The only numbers I'm going to concern myself with are those from routine blood tests and blood pressure tests.  No more scale or clothing size.  Additionally, I want to keep the weight off my middle (which is where I gain it first) since that's the most dangerous, and feeling good.  Stress and poor eating have nearly destroyed my immune system and I'm sure I will spend the next year or more rebuilding it.   That being said, I've made that commitment to myself.

Oliver doesn't care if I eat WFPB or not.  As long as he gets his treats.

So, for now I continue to eat WFPB as I work on healing my immune system.  As noted above, many of the guidelines I will continue to follow, regardless of whether or not I continue with the strictness of WFPB.  I can see the benefit of following it but I do crave fish and will likely eat it at the very least, when we occasionally go out for dinner.    

What I've Learned From Whole Foods Plant Based Eating was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)

[paulckrueger]

Potential Pathways for Higher Yields

If the Three Phases Model turns out to be an accurate-enough framework for market dynamics during 2018, then longer-term interest rates will rise in aggregate over the course of the year.  Not in a straight line though, but rather in a sine wave higher, then lower, and then higher once again.  In many ways this feels like an unsatisfying way to get higher rates, and it probably doesn’t lead to dramatically higher yields anyway.

Yet I and many of my fellow market participants seem to feel intuitively that rates should be higher.  In the old days, if we had the level of growth the US is currently enjoying, 10-year Treasury yields would be higher than they are now. This intuition is supported by quantitative models also, for example the Taylor Rule, the Nominal GDP versus 10-year yield linkage, and the ACM term premium model all suggest rates are far too low.  When you couple the intuition with the math, and layer on top the obvious increase in Treasury supply from the budget deficit and Quantitative Tightening, it feels downright weird that Treasury yields aren’t higher.

Much of my constructive view on rates (during Phase 2) has been rooted in the idea that because potential growth is slow, the labor market is tight, and the fiscal stimulus is ill-timed, monetary policy should welcome tighter financial conditions explicitly to slow down realized growth.  Unless and until financial conditions begin to materially impact the economic data, the Fed should and would act to constrain inflation pressure.  In practice, that meant continuing gradual hikes and balance sheet reduction.   This leads to a flatter curve and weak-ish risk markets, together with anchored inflation expectations and long-end rates (Phase 2).

The nagging feeling in the back of my mind remains constant though, that rates should be higher intuitively.  So I am continually vigilant for what sequence of events from here could lead to durably higher long term rates.  Some of these I’ve mentioned in this forum over the past year, but my current list is:

Evidence that the accumulated effects of monetary policy tightening to date, inclusive of balance sheet reduction, are slowing the economy toward its potential growth rate unnecessarily quickly. In order to maintain its shot at an eventual soft landing, the Fed pauses, allowing risk-on sentiment to fully swing back into markets (not just in US equities).  This results in a bear steepening, with the front-end of the curve anchored by low policy rates, but long-term Treasury yields going higher through both real rates and break-even inflation rates.  When the Fed takes a pause, ultimately it lifts the market expectation of terminal policy rate to something restrictive rather than neutral, and also pushes out in time the end of the tightening cycle.  Term premiums also expand as global risk aversion abates.

A durable surge in labor productivity, which would lift the potential growth rate of the US, while the realized growth rate can maintain the stimulus-fueled lofty levels. The gap between these two growth rates when the economy is at full employment represents inflation pressure, so shrinking the gap reduces inflation pressure, all else equal.  In response, the Fed can slow down their tightening process, but ultimately arrive at a higher terminal rate because higher potential growth rates should allow higher equilibrium policy rates.  The curve bear steepens in this case, led by real rates (as opposed to break-even inflation rates).

If the Fed encountered a surge in inflation and actively chose to ignore it, intentionally opting to let the economy run hot. The Treasury curve bear steepens here too, but this time, it’s led by break-even inflation rates while real rates and the front end remain anchored by low policy rates.  Alternatively, an inflation spike which triggers an appropriately aggressive Fed response results in a flatter curve, but whether the 10y yield goes up or down is less clear.

If President Trump were to succeed in influencing the Fed to hold policy rates too low compared to what would be necessary to maintain their 2% Core PCE inflation target. In this case, the price stability mandate is compromised.  So far there have been at least 1 tweet and 2 interviews in which he expressed “[t]ightening now hurts all that we have done.”  This results in a bear steepening also, led by breakeven inflation rates with the front end artificially anchored.

If the President via the Treasury were to actively intervene in the foreign exchange market to devalue the dollar, and/or purchase non-dollar securities. Same thing – bear steepening as inflation expectations become unanchored, and Fed loses one key element of financial conditions policy transmission mechanism: the free-float exchange rate.

The key theme is that all of these cases involve the central bank leaning dovish, whether that’s justified or unjustified, intentional, or unintentional, which all together is a bit of a paradox.  It’s much easier intuitively to link a Federal Reserve aggressively hiking rates with a higher 10y yield, but at this point, given what’s already understood in the market about US growth and the supply/demand dynamic for Treasurys, I think it is actually dovish policy of some kind which will ultimately lead to higher rates.   A subset of this has been a key element of the Three Phases Model – in Phase 3 we expect higher Treasury yields concurrent with a dovish course correction which most closely resembles item 1 in this list.  But durably (and significantly) higher 10-year yields probably require at least one of these 5 circumstances, or something similar.

Rewind to August 24, 2018, Jackson Hole, WY.  Fed Chair Jerome Powell gave a speech entitled Monetary Policy in a Changing Economy, which included a number of debatable and dutifully balanced passages.  However, I cherry picked the following quotes and generally saw the speech as unnecessarily dovish:

“Under Chairman Greenspan’s leadership, the Committee converged on a risk-management strategy that can be distilled into a simple request: Let’s wait one more meeting; if there are clearer signs of inflation, we will commence tightening.  Meeting after meeting, the Committee held off on rate increases while believing that signs of rising inflation would soon appear.  And meeting after meeting, inflation gradually declined….

“In retrospect, it may seem odd that it took great fortitude to defend ‘let’s wait one more meeting,’ given that inflation was low and falling. Conventional wisdom at the time, however, still urged policymakers to respond preemptively to inflation risk…

“While inflation has recently moved up near 2 percent, we have seen no clear sign of an acceleration above 2 percent, and there does not seem to be an elevated risk of overheating. This is good news, and we believe that this good news results in part from the ongoing normalization process.”

For now anyway, inflation seems to be in the eyes of the beholder.  Given what could be said about the chart below and whether or not Core PCE is accelerating, and explicit references both to Greenspan’s fortitude in not hiking rates and an explicit lack of overheating risk, the speech looked dovish to me.  It had elements of items 1 and 3 from my list above, and maybe even a hint of number 4.

For these reasons, I viewed the speech as a short-term bearish signal for Treasurys and I think Powell’s remarks more than any other catalyst are what sent 10-year yields back toward the high end of the range in recent days.  However, it’s just one speech, and I don’t think any of my proposed pathways to higher rates have been definitively satisfied. The average hourly earnings data last week offered more evidence that a dovish course correction is not yet justified by the data, and the Fed should see it that way.  So, structurally, I think we’re still in for more Phase 2 price action: weak-ish risk markets, stronger dollar, and range-bound-to-lower yields.  The recent market response to Jackson Hole merely lends some credence to the idea that dovishness of some kind would be the current pathway to higher yields.

The post Potential Pathways for Higher Yields appeared first on http://blog.jpmorganinstitutional.com/.

from Surety Bond Brokers? Business https://blog.jpmorganinstitutional.com/2018/09/potential-pathways-for-higher-yields/

[isaacscrawford]

Should McCain fight or fold?

ANISH KOKA, MD

There are 80,000 new cases of primary brain tumors diagnosed every year in the United States.  About 26,000 of these cases are of the malignant variety – and John McCain unfortunately joined their ranks last week.  In cancer, fate is defined by cell type, and the adage is of particular relevance here.

Cancer is akin to a mutiny arising within the body, formed of regular every day cells that have forgotten the purpose they were born with. In the case of brain tumors, the mutinous cell frequently happens to not be the brain cell, but rather the lowly astrocyte that normally forms a matrix of support for brain cells.  Tumors made up of astrocytes are called astrocytomas.  Classification schemes for brain tumors in the era of molecular subtypes has grown enormously complex, but a helpful framework is provided by the appearance of these tumors under a microscope.  Grade 1 tumors are indolent, with little invasive capacity, while Grade 4 tumors are highly invasive, marked under the microscope as dense, sheets of cells that can even be seen to grow their own blood supply.  Senator McCain has a grade 4 astrocytoma, otherwise known a a glioblastoma (GBM) – the worst kind.   Social media from all sides of the political spectrum lit up with well wishes – with most casting the disease as something to be defeated.

John McCain is an American hero & one of the bravest fighters I've ever known. Cancer doesn't know what it's up against. Give it hell, John.

— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) July 20, 2017

Others within the medical community took a different take.

GBM sucks & will defeat McCain. "Get Well Soon" is misguided to point of being insensitive.This is where 'thoughts and prayers' makes sense.

— Mehreen (@GrrlMD) July 20, 2017

Mehreen is right.  GBM is a deadly disease,  the 5-year survival rate for patients with GBMs is <3%.  The majority of GBM patients live less than a year.  Yet, the medical community of neurosurgeons and oncologists that treat these tumors go to battle with these tumors.  Why?

I asked a very busy neurosurgeon this same question.   I asked him what he told patients. He told me that he never mentions the word cure.  There is no cure.  The goal is to manage the disease and buy more time.

Median survival for GBM is measured in weeks, not years.  Do nothing, and expect 14 weeks; combining surgery, radiation therapy, and chemotherapy may give you 45 weeks.

What we describe is median survival, of course, and as Stephen J Gould eloquently put in his diatribe against statistics in cancer – the median is hardly the message.   The oncologist you want is the one who doesn’t tell you about median survival when breaking the news to you of your cancer – she implicitly understands each GBM has a different path.  Here are three such paths.

Case 1.

Margie is 35 year old redhead who hails from Wildwood, New Jersey, where she helps her parents run a boardwalk diner.  I first met her 7 years ago after she had presented with a seizure.  In this case the seizure was precipitated by a GBM.  A resection of the tumor followed – the postoperative course was complicated by more seizures, and an arrhythmia that brought me into her orbit.  I’m a cardiologist so I didn’t see her again until she returned 7 years later with a surgical wound infection – but with no evidence of cancer recurrence.

Case 2.

Mr. Walker was a 74 year old man with a very sick heart when he presented with difficulty speaking.  A retired executive who was used to being loquacious, he had survived a heart attack with the help of a stent a decade prior, but had been left with disease in little vessels that gave him occasional angina. Otherwise it allowed him to shuttle between his house and his daughter’s house to enjoy his grandchildren.  A granddaughter had a wedding in a few months he was hoping to attend.  The question to me related to his cardiac risk of surgery.   Was there anything that could be done?  He was on anti-platelet blood thinners that would have to be stopped to cut into the brain. Would that be ok?  I discussed the case with everyone – his eldest son was an orthopedic surgeon, and his daughter was a medical malpractice attorney.  I said nothing that they didn’t already know.  He was high risk.  I quoted a 10% risk of a heart attack or death with the procedure.  Mr. Walker wanted to proceed with the proviso that no heroic measures should be undertaken in the case of a complication- in the event of a cardiac arrest, he did not want to be resuscitated.

Five days later,  I received a call from the neurointensive care unit.  Mr. Walker had been out of surgery for an hour, and his heart rate was low.  I was driving to another hospital, but I asked to be sent an electrocardiogram.  What I saw made me turn the car around.  He was having a heart attack.  The stent he had placed some years ago had occluded.  He was having mild chest pain and looked uncomfortable.  Taking him for an urgent cardiac intervention was out of the question. This would require not one but four potent blood thinners – almost certain disaster in a man hours removed from major brain surgery.   Of even more immediate concern was his heart rate.  It was dipping dangerously low – he had developed heart block – a condition where the upper chambers of the heart don’t communicate with the lower chambers.  This disconnect is at times reversible, but other times not.  As his block worsened, there were seconds that would pass with no heart beat at all.  With his daughter at his bedside, I tried to explain what was happening, as I tried to figure out what to do.  After a particularly long pause in his heart rate when he passed out, he made it easy – he told me – “I’m not ready to die today”.   We placed him on a breathing machine.  It took me twenty minutes to thread a wire hooked up to an external pacing box into his heart.  As the wire passed through the upper chambers of his heart, it precipitated a rapid arrhythmia. Diseased conduction tissue conducts even slower when asked to work harder, and the fast impulses from the upper chambers caused a heart rate too slow to effectively perfuse his brain.  He coded.  The wire in his heart wasn’t going where it needed to, and I asked the team to start chest compressions.  A long minute later, wire situated, rhythm restored, I walked out to talk to his daughter who had been observing the events outside.  She wasn’t happy.  She demanded to know what I was doing.  I explained the best I could – he was completely dependent on his pacemaker, intubated and sedated.  I didn’t think he had suffered any significant brain damage from the recent events, but I wasn’t sure how his heart would do as his heart attack completed.  We decided to see how he did overnight and make a decision in the morning.

The next morning I walked into a cheerful Mr. Walker eating scrambled eggs, wire still in place, still pacing him.  What else was there to do?  I explained to Mr. Walker that without his pacemaker he would die – the next day the electrophysiology team placed a permanent pacemaker, and weeks later, a still cheerful Mr. Walker walked into my office with his daughter.

He made his granddaughter’s wedding, but six months later his brain tumor recurred. He died quietly at home a week later.

Case 3

Frank was a large burly 64 year old, accompanied by his wife, wearing a faded Harley Davidson jean jacket adorned with a a bald eagle and an American flag.  He was another man with a cardiac stent heading into surgery for a GBM.  As happens frequently, he asked me as I started to finish up with him if I knew the surgeon and anything about the surgery.  As I shook his hand, I assured him he was in good hands with the surgical team.  He held my hand a little longer and told me that he wanted the best treatment, but he didn’t “want to be hooked up to no machines if there was no hope”.  His resection was uneventful, but a week later he returned to the hospital.  His wife kept a constant vigil as his clinical state worsened.  He had not responded to any commands in days, and a ventilator was breathing for him.  The surgeons and the intensivists told me that his wife would not let him go and wanted everything possible done.  But there was nothing to do.  I couldn’t understand it.  His wife had witnessed our conversation.  I don’t ordinarily discuss goals of care in patients with non cardiac diagnoses.  But I felt compelled to advocate for Frank. I gently reminded his wife of our conversation in the office.  She remembered.   An awkward silence followed, and I slipped up.  I asked her how she could do this.  I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth.  Her eyes took up the flat look of someone being attacked.  I clumsily made my exit, and heard later of her displeasure with my conversation.  I never saw Frank again.  He died a week later, 4 weeks after I shook his hand in my office.

The population health brigade would have us ignore the messages each patient has to give us.  But there is so much here that each patient taught me.  Margie reminded me that median survival isn’t destiny.  Mr. Walker made me appreciate the fog of decision- making in the terminally ill patient.  It is hard to let go of life.  Mr. Walker wanted to live on that day.  Much of the dollars spent on health care in America are decried as wasteful and I imagine that on paper the dollars spent in the last months of Mr. Walker’s life exemplify waste to some.  Yet, you’ll understand how some may see not defeat, but victory in the image of a proud grandfather at his granddaughter’s wedding.  Frank’s story is a tough reminder of what I see all too frequently in a world where patient and family autonomy is sacrosanct – moribund patients kept alive by families that can’t let go. There is a fundamental tension between paternalism and autonomy – go to far in either direction and you end up lost.

There is something insidious about those who take issue with terms like battling, fighting and hope in these patients.  There is a deeply nihilistic message that lies at the core.  You are going to lose – so why fight? Why endure brain surgery, or the radiation or chemotherapy to come? The barbarians at the city gates in healthcare are those who believe the primary role for doctors in this unlucky group of patients is to ferry patients gently into that good night.  Baloney.  Some patients will choose to fight because they want the opportunity to make that next wedding, others will choose to go home.  These are hard decisions best left to the patients and their physicians.  You’ll excuse me if I don’t begrudge those wishing the Senator well in what ever path he chooses.  Give ’em hell, Senator.

Anish Koka is a cardiologist in Philadelphia.  Follow him on twitter @anish_koka

Article source:The Health Care Blog

[elsevierstudentlife]

Complicated Grieving: Losing a Loved One During Nursing School

By Daniel C., Sponsored Elsevier Ambassador

 This is my first blog as a student ambassador for Elsevier. As I sat thinking of how I wanted to introduce myself, I thought of starting with my story. As I was trying to get a grasp of how I could possibly summarize the last two years of my life as a nursing student, I realized just how many immensely life altering events had happened that I would’ve never overcome had I NOT been a nursing student, as contradictory as that may seem.

I decided to go back to school at the age of 30 after realizing my career as a restaurant chef was never going to be personally or financially rewarding. My father, who was my best friend and biggest advocate, was never more proud of me in his life than the day I told him I would be pursuing a career in nursing. He always told me, “Whatever you do in life, do your best to be the best at it, and never give up.”

During my first semester in my school’s nursing program, my dad’s health and weight deteriorated at such an alarming rate that it seemed like every time I lifted my nose from my books he had lost another 5 pounds. The night before my first med/surg rotation, my siblings and I finally convinced him to go to the hospital. After a few hours, a young resident came to his room and not so subtly told us that he had been diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer that had metastasized to his liver, lungs, and pancreas.

I went to my med/surg rotation’s new facility orientation the next morning in complete breakdown mode. I was extremely late and I couldn’t hold back tears longer than ten minutes. I was at a real crossroads in my academics.  I had professors, friends, and family members telling me I should take a leave of absence. I asked my father what I should do, and of course, he told me not to worry – he’d beat this and I needed to push forward and succeed. But I was filled with doubt, about myself, about everything.

It was the professor of my first clinical rotation who was my saving grace, constantly reminding me that my father wants nothing more than to see me successful and happy. She kept me focused, eyes on the prize, with the constant mantra: my dad will never see me graduate… if I don’t graduate. My classmates in my rotation kept me grounded, rooting me on, giving me an ear to complain to or a shoulder to cry on when necessary. The first semester was the toughest time of my life, until the next semester came around.

With the first semester in the books, we went on break for the holidays. Over the course of those four weeks, my father went from the bright eyed man that was my rock to a shell of his former self. I couldn’t even converse with him because of metastasization to the brain and the pain medication made it too hard for him to maintain a train of thought. That noticeably frustrated him often, and looking back on it, that was probably my most painful memory from his last few weeks. He had so many thoughts he wanted to convey to us before his time was up, but he simply couldn’t. The thoughts came in jumbled sentences ending in sad, frustrated sighs.

A week before the second semester of the program started, he was placed on hospice after being denied for a third clinical trial. Nothing had worked. He came home from the doctor’s office and asked us if he was going to die. That was a hard conversation. The last words he ever said to me were as I was walking out the door to go speak to the new incoming nursing students at their orientation on behalf of my school’s student nurses’ organization. I looked over at him to say goodbye, but before I could, he said in the firmest voice he could muster, “Be strong.” At that moment, I was the weakest I’d ever felt in my life.

That following weekend, his mom, my nana, drove with my dad’s twin sister 50+ miles to come see him one last time and made it all the way to his front doorstep before falling and fracturing her hip. She never got to say goodbye. She was rushed off to the hospital; that was Friday. The following day, Saturday, my other grandmother passed away suddenly from undiagnosed lung cancer. Monday morning, while I was in orientation for my second med/surg rotation, my father passed away. I felt like my life was in ruins. If ever there was a person at risk for complicated grieving, it would have been me.

But I wasn’t in business school, I wasn’t in an engineering program, I wasn’t surrounded by students learning about cars or history or physics. This was nursing school. I was surrounded by natural empaths, some of the most compassionate people I had ever met. I continued to lean on my first rotation’s professor for guidance. I had classmates that came to my aid like I had never even thought possible. I was so lucky to be enjoying the serendipity of having nurses at my side through every emotional set back as I struggled through school. Had I chosen another career path, I might have never graduated. I might have dropped out or sunk into depression, or worse. My program saved me.

 As I’m entering my fourth and final semester of the program, I feel truly grateful for being in the profession that I am. It’s very important that we, as nursing students, never forget that we can reach out to faculty and classmates and utilize their natural born talents. Nurses are natural nurturers, teachers, advocates, friends. We fill the enormous role of being the most trusted profession on the planet.

NANDA suggests interventions for complicated grieving: identify areas of hope; encourage expressions of grief; help the person form goals for the future. These are things my classmates and faculty did for me on a daily basis naturally. They kept me going. They are the reason I’ll be graduating in December of this year.

 A lot of us go through world shattering events during nursing school, a time when we barely have a moment to clean the house, let alone grieve properly for the death of a loved one. But we have it so much better than we would if we had done anything else. Senescence, terminal illness, and death are all imminent parts of a nurse’s career. We push forward, relying on the support of our classmates and co-workers. We learn through these experiences how to be strong for those who feel weak. Keep pushing forward. Be strong!

[clubofinfo]

Expert: In this analysis we examine Libya’s recent history looking through the eyes of the Guardian, the flagship of liberal western outlets, and its reporting. As with most other western media, the Guardian was an enthusiastic supporter of the NATO intervention that overthrew Gaddafi and threw the country into the disaster that we are about to describe. Faithful to western interests then, the Guardian remains faithful afterwards as well. But imperial designs are laden with contradictions and sometimes drastically change course, but the Guardian dutifully follows. More interestingly, in light of the complex Libyan situation, the Guardian resorts to labels, adjectives, to distinguish the “good” (i.e. western-supported) actors from the “bad” ones. And as western powers stumble from one strategy to the next, these labels change accordingly. We start this journey around the 2012 election in Libya, a few months after the end of the brutal, western-led regime change. We will not focus on the western media’s cheerleading for the NATO intervention, on the basis of preventing a repeat of atrocities that did not happen and stopping an imminent massacre that was also not going to happen, or on the conveniently overlooked extremist elements in the opposition ranks. We will also not compare the free and democratic future predicted by western commentators to the disastrous failed-state that Libya has become. Finally, we also do not cover the tragic refugee crisis in the Mediterranean, even though it is a direct consequence of the turmoil in Libya. And while we scrutinize the Guardian’s coverage, most of what follows also holds for other mainstream western outlets. Gunpoint democracy The 2012 parliamentary election is hailed as “a major step toward democracy after decades of erratic one-man rule,” even with “politicians finally wak(ing) up to the power of women,” despite the unrest and lawlessness that had already taken hold of the country. The resulting General National Congress (GNC) is considered a hopeful mixture of Islamists and “moderates.” But with the country “awash with militias,” the news cycle soon becomes dominated by the assassination of the American ambassador in Benghazi on September 11, 2012. While this could have been taken as a clear sign that the extremist groups that had been armed did not turn democratic overnight, and especially did not see the west as a liberator, the Guardian instead tries to reassure us that democracy has come to stay. But if armed factions are running riot in the streets, life is not any easier for the factions in suits in Libya’s new parliament, as protests and disagreements leave “[…] Libya still without firm government, nearly three months after the parliamentary elections and with violence breaking out in several flashpoint towns.” The first designated prime-minister lasts a mere month on the job after his cabinet is rejected, and finally a government led by former Gaddafi diplomat-turned-opponent Ali Zeidan takes office, with equal doses of technocracy and sharia. To make our job slightly easier in what follows, we will refer to this government as G#1. The sailing from this point on is far from smooth, and the backlash from the NATO intervention starts to spread across the region. In January 2013, another western intervention begins, this time in Mali, to suppress a Salafist rebellion that was flush with weapons in the wake of the Libyan chaos. We are told that the west had “overlooked risk of Libya weapons reaching Mali.” But things are equally turbulent in Tripoli, with extremist tendencies and rogue militias coming to the fore. Somehow David Cameron’s promises that Libya “will have no greater friend than the United Kingdom” did not manage to quell centuries-old tribal rivalries, mushrooming armed militias and salafist groups. This is also the time when the UK government was being sued by the notorious Abdel Hakim Belhaj. Having fought alongside the Taliban in Afghanistan in the 1980s, Belhaj was renditioned by the secret services due to alleged links to al-Qaeda, and handed over to Gaddafi. After seven years in prison, he played a major role in the NATO-led intervention and became chief of security in Tripoli. The remarkable bit is that the Guardian refers to a career “jihadist” as a “politician.”1 The turmoil and tensions escalate, specially in the extremist capital of Libya, Benghazi, formerly known in the western press as the birthplace of the “revolution”. And at this point we see the real problem of a conflict between a weakened government, the Muslim Brotherhood with a growing influence in parliament, and other militias – a threat to the oil business. Amidst all the talk of “freedom” and “democracy” it was almost forgotten that Libya holds the biggest oil reserves in Africa. The high point of this struggle was probably the kidnapping of prime-minster Zeidan, an event Zeidan described as a coup attempt. Western journalists begin worrying that Libya is being “thrown into turmoil,” and especially worrying is the fact that luxurious hotels are no longer safe havens. The Guardian even feels the need to to present us a “who’s who” of the rival groups in Tripoli, since the previous “pro-western freedom fighters” label is no longer sufficient. The spectre of a generalized civil war hangs menacingly in the months that follow, as there is no way around the “inability of Libya’s government to rein in the powerful militias”. This period is marked by constant fighting, ministers shot dead and government resignations. Finally, PM Zeidan is ousted, even though he was a “popular figure with western diplomats,” and at this juncture it is worth noting that the parliament that was initially greeted as having important doses of “moderation” is now plainly labelled as “Islamist”. The impending campaign to retake the oil ports “risks splitting the country apart,” and this is the moment when an important figure enters the fray – General Khalifa Haftar. A former Gaddafi general, he fell out of favour after an ill-fated war against Chad, later joining an US-backed opposition group and taking part in a failed coup attempt against Gaddafi. He spent years in exile in the United States, until his dramatic return in early 2014 (he returned shortly in 2011 but the powers that be could not settle on a role for him). Haftar leads his forces on a two-pronged attack, on one hand attacking the parliament in Tripoli, calling for its dissolution, and on the other starting a campaign against hardline groups in Benghazi and eastern Libya. At this stage western analysts are a bit shell-shocked that their glorious humanitarian intervention has not exactly gone according to plan (!), but in general they welcome Haftar’s strongman antics since he is fighting “Islamists”. One more election and one more government While the Guardian ruefully declares that the “democratic dream is all but ruined,” and multiple figures claim they are the rightful prime-minister, Haftar continues his campaign in the east, and the country stumbles onto new legislative elections. This is declared to be “Libya’s last chance to reconnect with democracy,” but turnout was a lowly 18%. The coverage this time around is almost reduced to a footnote, since not even the former intervention cheerleaders want to associate themselves with the current mess. Quite predictably, the new poll leads to further fighting in the capital, forcing western countries to withdraw their diplomatic personnel. Even after all this mayhem, sane voices in the Guardian are few and far between. Anthony Loewenstein strikes quite an exasperated tone: “I feel like I’ve been writing the same column for over a decade: humanitarian interventions by the west end up destroying the countries they try to save.” “Is this your democracy?” (Cartoon by Carlos Latuff) In a nutshell, Islamist groups (“Libya Dawn”) in the capital were not happy with the new elections and took power by force, pushing the newly elected parliament, called Council of Deputies, to the far-eastern town of Tobruk. This parliament operated first out of a cruise ship and later out of a hotel. This is an important moment to take stock. There is a (renewed) General National Congress in Tripoli that has nominated a new government, which we will still label as G#1, while the Council of Deputies chose a different government, which we will call G#2, based in Tobruk.2 Furthermore, judicial authorities in Tripoli declare G#1 as being the legitimate one, although it’s fair to guess that being close to the G#1 militias with guns might have influenced this decision. And it is from this point on that the Guardian really brings out the labels. G#2 is the “legitimate”, “internationally recognised”, “democratically elected” government, whereas G#1 is the “Islamist”, “extremist” one, perhaps even “comparable to ISIS.” Unsurprisingly, the actual ISIS does spring up in Libya, taking control of the town of Derna before taking Gaddafi’s hometown of Sirte. What follows is a full-blown civil war between the two parallel governments, with Gen. Haftar being named commander of the armed forces loyal to G#2. The main fighting takes place in the oil-rich eastern provinces, specially for control of the coastal oil terminals. Libya’s oil output is but a tiny fraction of what it used to be, meaning that a lot of potential profit is going to waste. While ISIS begins to spread its influence, the two rival governments also begin gathering international support, with Qatar backing G#1 and the UAE and Egypt backing and even intervening militarily alongside G#2 against ISIS. But soon we start to see people wondering if the wrong government is being “recognised”, since there is a full-blown refugee crisis going on in the Mediterranean, and for western governments the solution is to simply stop the boats from leaving Libyan shores. There are now constant rumblings about forming a “new” government, with negotiating efforts being led by UN diplomat Bernardino Léon. The refugee crisis also becomes a bargaining chip for both G#1 and G#2. Meanwhile the civil war drags on, while the US carries on with its airstrikes everywhere, even killing Mokhtar Belmokhtar for the umpteenth time. Needless to say, the Guardian is now far less interested in covering this quagmire, even though some start to question the whole endeavour. Western powers remarkably start considering a new intervention, while pinning their hopes on Léon’s efforts behind the scenes. Finally there seems to be a breakthrough when Léon announces a new, “national-unity government”, which we will call G#3, that is meant to take over for the two parallel governments G#1 and G#2. G#1 and G#2 officials themselves seem less convinced, and the fighting goes on as before. People on the ground are not any more enthusiastic about this UN-imposed government, perhaps to the surprise of outside observers. But it is interesting to note that the Guardian seems to have no issues with this idea of nominating an African government from the outside, as if it were the nomination of a colonial governor. Western leaders could also have tried to feign a little more concern for the sacrosanct “democracy” they are always preaching about, perhaps trying the Yemeni model.3 The Solomonic mediator Bernardino Léon also does not cover himself in glory by taking money from the UAE, backers of G#2, and claiming he knows how to delegetimise G#1. He is replaced as UN envoy to Libya shortly afterwards. Two is company, three is a crowd Though it’s business as usual for US warplanes life on the ground proves much harder for honest-to-god multinational oil corporations, who run the dreaded risk of “sign(ing) a deal with the wrong people.” With ISIS threatening oil ports, western governments are itching for G#3 to take power so it can authorize foreign military intervention, but G#1 and G#2 remain far less inclined. Even with more UN-backing, contradictory and premature announcements, there is no approval and G#3 remains stuck in Tunis, as preparations for a new intervention are in full swing. The interesting aspect to notice is that around this time G#2 starts losing its “internationally recognised” label, and becomes just “Tobruk-based.” Similarly, the perspective of getting G#1 to vacate its seat in the capital means we are no longer constantly reminded of its “islamist” character, and it becomes just “Tripoli-based”. G#2 loses its “recognition” in the space of three months. Finally G#3, led by Fayez al-Sarraj, arrives in Tripoli, after the no-longer-islamist G#1 agrees to step aside. And although we lose G#2’s former label, the Guardian is quick to introduce a new one to ensure the reader knows which team to support. G#3 is now the “UN-backed” government, the one that will usher the country into a safe and prosperous future! It is also the government of “National Accord”, even though the Libyan people hardly had a say in it.4 And in a bizarre case of deja-vu, a British envoy arrives to pledge the eternal friendship of Her Majesty’s government. The Foreign secretary pledges that “ground troops could go to Libya,” because past mistakes are meant to be repeated. And lest we forget what this is really about, the issue of oil soon crops back up again. Within a couple of months G#2’s label has now gone all the way to “unrecognised” after it dared attempt to export oil. There is also a new chaotic element as parallel banknotes start circulating. Additionally, western leaders don’t seem to realise that fragile governments don’t become more popular if they are propped by foreign powers. It is also worth noticing that Gen. Haftar is now seen to be a problem because he refuses to bow to this UN-imposed government, even though he is still fighting Islamist groups and ISIS. In any case, both recognised and unrecognised forces, together with the ever-present US bombings, make quick gains against ISIS. The elimination of this threat means that G#1+3 and G#2 can go back to fighting each other, with the capture of all-important oil facilities by G#2 prompting a “call for military action.” Around this time the ill-advised Libyan intervention also comes under intense scrutiny in the UK. Whereas there are always reasonable voices in the debate, others disingenuously claim that nobody could have foreseen this disaster. A loosely-bound country with tribal rivalries held in check by a strongman’s mixture of carrot and stick strategies, then sees a huge inflow of weapons, religious extremism and foreign military intervention. What could have gone wrong? Of course, there are also those unrepentant imperial apologists like Bernard-Henri Lévy who would do it all over again. And this is more or less where we stand now, even though this story is far from over, and neither are the Guardian’s flexible labels. There is trouble in Tripoli, as the armed militias of the former G#1 are far less convinced about recognising G#3 than the UN and western diplomats. A failed coup attempt should serve as a warning, and the Guardian should be ready to dust off its “islamist” label at a moment’s notice. In the East, Gen. Haftar and G#2 move further to the dark-side by asking Russia for help, but remain firmly in control of several oil facilities. Furthermore, with an economic collapse looming and G#2’s oil output increasing, the west again wonders if it has bet on the wrong horse. The Guardian warns that G#3’s “window for […] action may be closing,” so there is a strong chance that the recognised, then unrecognised, G#2 might find itself recognised again, for whatever that is worth. As we have seen in this short story, nothing, not even the Guardian labels, are definite in Libya. In this farcical and tragic cycle, coups, foreign interventions, ISIS surges, and even Mokhtar Belmokhtar‘s death, are destined to be repeated so long as western empires stumble from one adventure to the next. * True to his calling, Belhaj would later join ISIS in its efforts both in Syria and Libya, but this might have been too embarrassing for the Guardian to report. * During the 2016 presidential campaign, when flexing her foreign policy muscle, Hillary Clinton defended her actions in Libya. Acknowledging that things were not perfect, which is quite the understatement, she stressed that there had been two “free and fair” elections. Even letting the “free and fair” part slide, what she forgot to add, and what any decent journalist should have pointed out, is that these two elections were not supposed to result in two parallel governments. * After the ousting of long-time dictator Abdullah Saleh in Yemen, the US and Saudi Arabia scrambled to ensure that ensuing elections would not harm their interests. Finally they settled on a ballot with a single candidate, Mansour Hadi, former 20-year vice-dictator. * This is on par with calling organizations that receive money from the US government (through USAID or NED) as “NGO”s just because they are serving the empire in other countries. They should be called FGOs, Foreign Government Organizations. http://clubof.info/

[inhumansforever]

Inhuman of The Day

February 1st - Black Bolt

Blackgarr Boltagon, the eldest son of the former King and Queen of the Inhumans, Lord Agon and his wife, Queen Rynda.  Blackgarr (or Black Bolt as he is later called) was exposed to the Terrigen Mists when he was still in his mother’s womb.  As a result, he was born already possessing incredible powers.  Along with enhanced strength, flight, and the ability to destabilize molecules, his powers additionally include a tremendous electron blast localized in his vocal cords. 

The infant Black Bolt’s initial cry released a devastating sonic boom that nearly destroyed the birthing center.  Due to the volatile and potentially destructive nature of Black Bolt’s sonic powers, he was placed in a sound-nullifying chamber and he spent much of his youth sequestered in isolation.  During his adolescence, Black Bolt’s young cousin, Medusa, would frequently visit him.  Though he was unable to talk with her, Medusa gradually learned to communicate with her cousin through gestures, intuition, and body language.  Over the course of her many visits, the two fell in love.

Black Bolt trained with Inhuman monks so to gain greater mastery over his sonic powers.  Through extreme discipline, Black Bolt learned to never unintentionally utter a sound, not even while asleep.  Once this mastery was attained, Black Bolt was finally allowed release from confinement and entry into Attilan society. 

Despite the hardships that Black Bolt had endured throughout his youth, his younger brother, Maximus, had grown terribly envious of him.  As the elder son of Agon, Black Bolt was first in line of succession for the crown.  Supremely cunning and ambitious, Maximus coveted the crown for himself and for this he hated his older brother.

As part of a scheme to win the throne, Maximus entered into a pack with a group of Kree assassins disguised as emissaries. Black Bolt discovered this plot and attempted to stop the assassins with his sonic powers.  He destroyed the fleeing Kree ship but it unfortunately crashed into the royal retreat, killing Black Bolt’s parents. With the death of King Agon, Black Bolt was made the new king and he named Medusa as his fiancé and the voice of the king. 

This tale has since been retconed and slightly altered, revealing that the Inhuman now known as ‘The Unspoken’ had temporarily stepped in as a stewardship king following Agon’s death.  The Unnamable’s tenure as ruler was meant to be temporary and only last until Black Bolt was ready to take the throne.  Nonetheless, The Unspoken decided not to abdicate the crown and instead attempted to rule Attilan as a tyrant.  Black Bolt ultimately defeated The Unspoken.  The tyrant was banished and all record of his name and acts were struck from the history of Attilan (hence the term of ‘The Unspoken’).   

Once Black Bolt finally took the throne, one of his earlier acts as king was to free the Alpha Primates, a slave caste who had served Attilan for generations.  Although it was the morally right thing to do, this decree was quite unpopular among the other Inhumans.  Freedom proved a difficult concept to comprehend for the Alpha Primitives; after generations of living only to maintain the mechanical inner workings of subterranean Attilan, it was the only life they knew.  The Alpha Primitives ultimately decided to continue their maintenance of Attilan, only now as a free people, sustaining an uneasy alliance with the surface dwelling Inhumans. 

Along with fending off the constant schemes of his brother, Black Bolt has additionally had numerous adventures outside of Attilan.  Such adventures have included battles against threats such as Kang the Conqueror, Ultron 13, Blastaar, Apocalypse, The High Evolutionary, The Sphinx, Graviton, and Maelstrom.  Although the Kree still consider The Inhumans to be unholy abominations, Black Bolt nevertheless aided the Kree hero, Captain Mar-Vell, in repelling a Skrull invasion.  

With the assistance of Prince Namor and The Eternals of Olympia, Black Bolt was able to enact a plan to relocate the City of Attilan from the coast of South America to a new location in the remote mountain range of The Himalayas.  This act helped to ensure Attilan’s safety from threats posed by the human world and allowed The Inhumans to continue in their desire to remain an isolated people.  

With the gradual breakdown of the Earth’s ozone layer and ever increasing levels of air pollution, the planet became inhospitable to The Inhumans.  Having lived for generations in the secluded confines of Attilan, the Inhumans had never developed the specific antibodies needed to withstand polluted air.  With the help of Reed Richards, Black Bolt relocated Attilan once more, this time to the oxygen-rich Blue Area of The Moon.     

Shortly after Attilan’s relocation to the Blue Area of the Moon, Black Bolt and Medusa were official wed.  Although this marriage defied the wishes of The Genetic Council, the wedding was a cause for great celebration among the citizens of Attilan.   The wedding was briefly disrupted by a battle that was being waged by a Kree warrior and a Super Skrull (two agents of their respective peoples who had been stranded on the moon following The Shi’ar’s trial of Jean Grey).  With the help of The Fantastic Four, Black Bolt and the other members of the Royal Family were able to quell this battle and the two combatants were transported back to their home worlds by The Watcher.   Attilan enjoyed a newfound era of peace and security in its new home on the moon.  And yet, with this peace, the citizens of Attilan no longer felt as reliant on their king to protect them.  Black Bolt and his queen remained very popular among the people, but their rule over the governance of Attilan swayed and the Genetic Council came to have more and more power and say over the affairs of The Inhumans.  

With this shift in power, The Genetic Council instituted laws mandating a greater adherence to the philosophy of eugenics and the practice of arranged marriages.  It was at this time that Medusa announced that she was pregnant with Black Bolt’s child.  This revelation quite dismayed the Genetic Council.  The council was worried that the destructive potentiality of Black Bolt’s powers, coupled with the history of mental illness in his immediate family (his brother), could result in an offspring that might pose a great threat to the safety of Attilan.   The council ordered that Queen Medusa terminate her pregnancy.  An anguished Black Bolt struggled with what to do.  He very much wanted a child, but also knew the great dangers that his powers entail.  It was indeed quite possible that passing down his abilities to a son or daughter could put all of Attilan at substantial risk.  Medusa, meanwhile, was outraged by her husband’s apparent refusal to oppose the council.  Utilizing Lockjaw’s teleportation abilities Medusa fled Attilan with her handmaid, Mynxi, and hid out in a remote location in the American midwest.   Medusa was eventually sought out by her sister, Crystal, along with her cousins, Gorgon, Triton, and Karnak.  

Protected by her friends, Medusa gave birth to her child… a son whom she named Ahura.  Ahura possessed powers, but not on the scale or magnitude that the council had so feared.  They all returned to Attilan and Medusa eventually reconciled with Black Bolt.    

At an undisclosed point in time, Black Bolt had entered into a secret alliance with other leaders of the super powered community.  This cabal, known as ‘The Illuminati,’ consisted of Reed Richards of The Fantastic Four, Tony Stark of The Avengers, Prince Namor, ruler of Atlantis, and Dr. Stephan Strange, Earth’s Sorcerer Supreme.  One of The Illuminati’s early endeavors was an incursion onto The Skrull Throne-world to dissuade the Skrulls from further hostilities toward the Earth.  Unfortunately, Black Bolt and the others were temporarily captured during this mission and Skrull scientists were able to reverse engineer the biological qualities of the heroes’ super-powers – an accomplishment that would much later lead the way to a near-successful invasion of Earth. 

Later, the Terrigen Crystals were stolen by Crystal’s ex-husband, Quicksilver, and the majority of these stolen crystals ended up in the hands of the United State’s Government.  This led to the Silent War event, which culminated in the US Military detonating a nuclear bomb on the moon, destroying a substantial section of Attilan and killing countless Inhumans.  Although the crystals had been recovered, Black Bolt’s failure to protect his people led to his stepping down from the throne and abdicating the crown to his brother, Maximus.  

Some time thereafter, Black Bolt was abducted by the Skrulls and replaced with a Super Skrull imposter.  This imposter was ultimately discovered and killed by The Illuminati.  This occurred at the onset of the Secret Invasion event and the Skrulls attempted to conquer Attilan at the same time they invaded the Earth.  Inhuman forces, led by Medusa, fended off the Skrull invasion.  Medusa then assembled a strike-force to rescue her husband.  She succeeded in this and, once freed, Black Bolt used his powers to decimate the Skull armada.  Having found the kingship much more difficult and taxing than he thought it would be, Maximus stepped down and asked Black Bolt to return to the throne.  

The devastation of the Skull Empire created a power vacuum in the cosmos, one that was quickly filled by the Shi’Ar and their new leader, the ultra-powerful mutant known as Vulcan.  As Vulcan continued his conquest over an ever-expanding empire, The Kree presented themselves to The Inhumans, offering a pack to join forces in an attempt to stave off Vulcan and The Shi’ar.  As part of this pack, Black Bolt was named ruler of the Kree people and his cousin, Crystal, was ceremoniously wed to Ronan the Accuser.

Led by Black Bolt and an elite faction of the Inhuman Royal Guard, the Kree fought a bloody war against Vulcan and The Shi’Ar.  It culminated in a massive battle where Black Bolt defeated and destroyed Vulcan yet appareled to have also perished himself.  Believing Black Bolt dead, Medusa assumed rulership over The Inhumans as well as the Kree and Attilan was relocated to the new Kree homeward of Kon-Tar.   

Shortly thereafter, The Kree Supreme Intelligence managed to reattain lordship over The Kree Empire and The Inhumans fled from Kon-Tar.  The Supreme Intelligence (or Supremor) knew of an ancient Kree prophecy that told that the creation of Inhumans would bring about an anomaly that would ultimately tear down the empire and kill Supremor.  In order to prevent this prophecy from coming to fruition, Supremor dispatched warships to destroy every planet in which Terrigenic Experimentation had taken place.  Only five worlds managed to evade this culling.  The Inhumans from these five remaining worlds came together to form the Court of The Universal Inhumans.  A newly returned Black Bolt who, as it turns out did not die in his battle with Vulcan, was named the Midnight King and ruler of the Universal Inhumans - with the four queens of the other Inhuman people becoming his ceremonial brides (much to Medusa’s chagrin).  

Black Bolt returned Attilan to Earth and there he helped the FF defeat the Council of Alternate Universe Reed Richards, before leading a defense that repelled a Kree invasion of Earth.  With The Kree finally defeated, Black Bolt dissolved the Court of The Universal Inhumans.  Crystal’s marriage to Ronan was annulled and The Kree were sent away to rule over their own empire, leaving Earth and the other Inhuman planets in peace.  

Attilan enjoyed a short time of relative tranquility following the defeat of The Kree.  Yet it was not long before a new threat emerged.  Thanos the Mad Titan came to discover that he had a son sired by an unnamed Inhuman who was residing among the Inhumans of Earth.  It was foretold that Thanos’ son was the one being who could succeed in destroying him and Thanos dispatched his forces to Earth to discover and kill his prodigy.  

Black Bolt and his brother, Maximus, understood the extreme level of threat that Thanos posed to not just Attilan, but all of Earth.  Together they devised a daring and intricate plan to save their race and their planet.  Black Bolt was privy to a great secret, a hidden truth passed down from king to king since the age of Randak.  And that being that the citizens of Attilan were not the only Inhumans on Earth.  Over the centuries, many Inhumans had left Attilan to create their own colonies all over the planet and the Inhuman genetic loading had become ingrained into a significant portion of the earth’s population.  Black Bolt and Maximus came up with a means of triggering the Inhuman gene throughout the population, causing a mass Terrigenesis that would create hundreds of new Inhumans and provide Earth with a new wave of super powered beings to defend mankind against the oncoming threat.

All of Attilan was evacuated.  The citizens were sent through the Door of Elldrac and transported to safety.  Thanos arrived on Attilan to find it deserted save for Black Bolt.  The two battled and when Black Bolt appeared to have been defeated, he released a massive sonic screen that destroyed Attilan and trigger a Terrigebnic Bomb.  This bomb released a billowing cloud of Terrigen Mists. (all this is a rather condensed summery of the Infinity Event, made slightly less complicated of the sake of readability).    

The Terrigen Cloud crept over the planets surface.  It had no effect on regular humans; those human with the Inhuman gene, however, were encased in a cocoon-like shell and emerged transformed into Inhumans.  Among those who were transformed by the Terrine Cloud was young Thane, the secret son of Thanos.  Terrigenesis bestowed onto Thane tremendous abilities, powers that he ultimately used to defeat his father and put an end to Thanos’ threat to Earth.  

Attilan had been destroyed and its remnants fell onto the island of Manhattan, with the majority splashing down into the Hudson Bay.  Black Bolt was once again believed dead and Medusa took the throne, overseeing the creation of New Attilan.  All NuHumans, those Inhumans who had been created by the Terrine Cloud, were welcome on New Attilan and Medusa was tasked with providing for these new citizens of Attilan while also searching out those were sent to places unknown via the Door of Elldrac.  All the while, Medusa was left to believe that her husband and her son, Ahura, had perished in the fall of Attilan.

His battle with Thanos, and the massive sonic attack that triggered the Terrigen Bomb had left Black Bolt depleted and weakened.  Maximus seized this opportunity to use his telepathic powers to take control of Black Bolt’s will.  Black Bolt had previously been able to resist his brother’s psychic abilities, but in this weakened state, he fell under Maximus’ sway.   (there’s a bit of a disparity on how these events are told in the pages of ‘Inhuman’ and how it’s told in the pages of New Avengers; and once again this is truncated summery for the purposes of clarity). 

Black Bolt was ultimately able to break free of his brother’s control with the assistance of the NuHuman known as Nur.  He returned to New Attilan in time to help repel an invasion by the Agents of Ennuix.  

Queen Medusa felt great ambivalence over the discovery that her husband was still alive.  Though she was happy to see him again, she felt betrayed that he had stayed away so long, leaving her to create and govern New Attilan all on her own.  She stated that her husband no longer had a place ruling at her side.  Black Bolt could have tried to explain that he had been held prisoner by his brother, but instead chose to simply concede to his wife’s wishes.  He bowed down to her as his queen and flew off to places unknown.

By way of his involvement with The New Avengers Illuminati, Black Bolt was aware of the incursions of alternate realities leading up to the Secret Wars Event.  Convinced that his own reality was doomed, Black Bolt entered into a secret pact with Kang The Conquerer whereby he offered Kang his son, Ahura, in exchange for Kang’s taking Ahura into Limbo where he would be safe from the reality incursions.  Following the Secret Wars event, where all reality was indeed destroyed and then recreated, Black Bolt set out to take back Ahura from Kang.  This proved to be much more difficult than planned and Black Bolt was forced to ask for the assistance of his estranged wife, Medusa, and her new Uncanny Inhumans team.  

Black Bolt and The uncanny Inhumans were ultimately able to save Ahura and Ahura utilized his newly enhanced psychic powers to ensure that Kang would no longer threaten the Inhuman peoples.  

Although he was able to save his son, Black Bolt has not been able to do the same for his marriage and he and Medusa continue to be estranged from one another.  Rather than residing in New Attilan, Black Bolt has new created a new home in the form of a secretive club called ‘The Quiet Room’ situated underneath Grand Central Station in Manhattan.   

More recently, Black Bolt was felled by a sneak attack orchastred by Emma Frost and The Dazzler.  Taking Black Bolt out was the initial move in a stratum to neutralize the Inhumans so that The X-Men could destroy the Terrigen Cloud and save their species.  Black Bolt is currently incarcerated by The X-Men and what will become of him is yet to be seen.  

This upcoming spring, Black Bolt is set to star in his own solo series by writer Saladam Ahmed and Christian Ward; he will also be a cast member in the new Inhumans team book, The Royals, by Al Ewing and Jonboy Meyers.

[benjamingarden]

What I've Learned From Whole Foods Plant Based Eating

I've been eating a strict whole foods plant based (WFPB) diet since the middle of September of this year.  I've lost almost 30 pounds in that short period of time and more than that, I feel good.  I have a lot more energy (although the release of stress from caretaking is likely part of that).  I don't suffer any sinus headaches at all (and with fall I usually suffered immensely) and my immune system feels stronger.   This post is in no way an attempt to convince anyone to go WFPB.  Heck, I'm not at all sure how long I will continue following the strict guidelines, but I have learned a LOT in this short period of time and thought I would share what I've learned with you.  I feel some of it I should have known, but I guess I never really thought about it.  Regardless, it came about, I suppose, when I needed to see it. A Quick Recap: Four years ago I gave up dairy.  I was sick of being sick.  Sinus infection after sinus infection continued to land me in Urgent Care and my doctor's office and after one rather severe infection that just wouldn't get better I decided to give it up.  That was step one in my WFPB journey. I've suffered from seasonal and dust mite allergies since my early twenties and developed additional allergies to cats and dogs in the past 10 years.  My allergies caused me constant issues (after all, I have cats AND dogs in my life and live around molds and mildews of the great northeast!) and some years I would end up on antibiotics up to 4 times.  After 30 days of being dairy free, I felt so good that I decided to try what I'd suspected might help me out health wise - going WFPB.  Mostly to help lower my blood pressure and gradually increasing cholesterol. If you look up info on the WFPB movement, it involves giving up not only meat, seafood, and dairy but also oils, salt, and refined sugar too in addition to cutting down consumption of nuts to just a small handful daily, at most.  While that is a quick list of what to cut out, what you add in is just as important.  Veggies - a LOT of veggies, at least two times a day.  Lots of leafy greens, cruciferous veg, as well as all of the other types you can think of.  Beans or legumes and whole grains as well as fruits are added in volume to your daily meal plan too. When I first gave up meat, almost three years ago, I did not go completely WFPB.  I was still cooking with oils half the time and water the other half, I started using butter again, but only as a spread for bread.  I still consumed refined sugar (although quite a bit less)and although I believed I was eating nuts in moderation, I now know that I wasn't.  I was also eating some vegan "junk food" (vegan cheese & vegan sausage/"meats").  I lost 15 pounds and I did feel a bit better.  While I did not get any further sinus infections, I continued to suffer from sinus headaches with the changing of seasons, before rain or snow, etc. After about a year and a half of that I began eating meat and seafood here and there, once every 1-2 weeks.  Then, when I began trying to adjust my life to include caring for my terminally ill mother, I began eating more meat.  Rather than finding time that I didn't have to continue cooking a meal for J, a meal for her (food was very difficult for her at the end), and a meal for me for lunches and dinners. Every. Single. Day.  For months.  I gave into eating meat and seafood about 3 times a week so that I could cook one meal for two of us and then I only had to figure out a separate meal for my mom.  And I gained most of the 15 pounds back.

Me sporting my graying hair

My mother passed away in September of this year and what really shook me to the core was how rare her cancer was.  Not only how rare it was but also how far progressed it was by the time anyone found it.  My health suddenly became the most important thing in my life (which it should have been...).  I fully understand that I can't do much about genetics.  But what I can do, is try to be the healthiest version of me that I can so hopefully when/if I have to battle a serious illness, my body will respond well.  I can also hope that being the healthiest version of myself may help protect me for either a longer period of time or, lessen the impact.  I went full-on WFPB the very next day. Here is what I've learned the past 2 months that I've been following a strict WFPB diet:

1. Nuts Are Good (In Moderation)

     While there are some studies that show and physicians who believe that the nutritional value nuts holds is not worth the risk of consuming the amount of fat they are comprised of, most say they are very good for us in moderation.  Moderation is further defined as a small handful per day.

     I began adding a small handful of chopped walnuts to my daily oatmeal and thought "I've got this!"  Additionally, once a month I eat 2-4 Brazilian nuts.  Once I switched to the strict WFPB guidelines, and began actually consciously paying attention to what I was eating, I realized I'd been fooling myself.  Most vegan alternatives ("cheese", "sauces", "milk", etc.) contain nuts.  This meant I was eating my small handful in the morning (I use oat milk rather than nut milk), and then again at lunch with a "cheese" I added to my veggie burger, and sometimes at dinner in a sauce made of a large amount of cashews.      My personal theory is that following the "nuts are good in moderation" determination is the one I'd like to continue following.  I believe they do offer a significant nutritional benefit, I enjoy them, and will choose to continue consuming them.  In moderation, of course, because first, they are high in fats and I'm not interested in ever going back to consuming as much fat as I'd previously been consuming.  Second, they are expensive.  And third, there are other ways to make sauces, etc.  It just takes a bit of research and trial and error.

2. Most Of Us Do Not Consume Enough Vegetables       Eating a strict WFPB diet where I incorporate a salad of leafy greens with almost every meal has really opened my eyes to the fact that I was definitely not previously eating enough vegetables.  I mean, honestly, when was the last time you ate leafy greens (they don't count if they were drenched in a high fat dressing) with lunch AND with dinner for more than one day in a row? They are chock full of nutrients and just make you feel good.      Additionally, there's just so much information out there touting the benefits of cruciferous veggies as well as eating a rainbow of colors at every meal, that I will definitely continue this practice.  I've found that chopping veggies on the weekend and keeping them in the refrigerator in containers allows me to easily make side salads to go with my weeks worth of lunches and dinners.  If I don't prep ahead of time it's, unfortunately, more likely I will not eat a salad.

3. Are "Healthy Oils" Really Healthy?      The short answer is, I have no idea.  There's so much research on both ends of the spectrum, but what I do know is that I have been using and consuming way too much oil.  (did you know that many packaged oat milks contain oil?  what????  it makes no sense to me....) Like nuts, oil is expensive, so at the very least using less is good for my budget.  But the bigger picture is that oil-free cooking and eating is really easy once you get used to the alternatives.  Salad dressings, roasted veggies, stir fry, and baking are all easily created with healthy replacements to oils.  I use water or broth for roasting or stir frying, applesauce for baking, and I'm a big fan of just a bit of balsamic vinegar for my salad.      That also brings up processed vegan foods.  When you look at the ingredients list for most alternative meats, cheeses, etc. they are loaded with oils.  Loaded I tell you!  Yes, technically they can call the "plant-based" because the oils come from plants.  But is that really healthy???  I, personally, don't believe it is so I'm choosing to continue to omit them from my life.      Oils as a part of a whole food (fish, avocado, olive, etc.) I can see could be healthy.  But stripping oil from the food and just consuming the oil (like consuming fruit juice instead of the whole fruit leaves you devoid of fiber) doesn't seem like it would be a good idea.  Again, I never thought of this before until I began delving into WFPB but it sits well with me. 4. Whole Grains Have A Place In My Heart      I have no issue at all with a switch from white pasta to whole wheat.  I also have found a short-grain brown rice that I really like.  My husband, on the other hand, isn't interested in trying either.  He's sticking with the white versions, thank you very much.  If you can't or aren't interested in eating wheat, quinoa and millet are gluten free and also delicious and so easy to prepare (even my husband likes both of these!).  There are a number of alternative whole grains out there whether you are gluten-free or not, and they are a great addition to meals.      One thing I have found, however, is you could go broke and crazy (ok, not really, but you get the idea) trying to follow different whole grain recipes because it seems like each one calls for a different grain.  I've decided to convert any recipe I try to using one of the 4 grains I'm choosing to purchase (whole-wheat pasta, brown rice, quinoa, & millet).      Whole grains make me feel full, they are satisfying to me, and I plan to continue eating them.

5. Eating Natural Or Other Sugars Sparingly Is Key      We know this, right?  But do we follow this?  I may have told myself I was eating sugars sparingly, but after really examining my daily eating habits, I was not.  (look closely at labels - it's so frustrating how many items have sugar in them!) If you aren't addicted to sweet foods then this isn't an issue for you (and you are VERY lucky).  I, however, am.  I've begun using primarily maple syrup and dates for sweeteners and they have worked out very well!  But even better, I've cut down what I make that needs any sweetener and instead we eat whole fruit.  And fruit is sooooooo much sweeter now that I rarely consume any sweetener.      Although I may consume refined sugar very rarely and not be so restrictive, I have no desire to go back to consuming it more than a couple of times a year.  For a few reasons.  First, I don't believe it's a good thing to put in our bodies.  Second, it's too easy for me to get addicted to it and want it more and more.  And third, because I want to continue with natural sugars for any baked goods we do consume, which is rare nowadays. 6. No Salt, Or Low Salt?      On WFPB you either cut out salt completely  or cut it back quite a bit, depending on who's version you follow.  Salt is an item I don't eat a lot of but I have cut it back even more (because of my high blood pressure).  For the first month I consumed no added salt.  The few items I purchase that are processed (canned tomatoes and boxed veggie broth) I purchased the no salt added versions.  These past couple of weeks, I have added a very small amount of salt here and there because, well, it just makes food taste soooo much better.      I now use Redmond Real Salt from Utah (affiliate link) and really like it.  And I use it very very sparingly.  It only took about 2 weeks for my taste buds to adjust when I originally omitted it, although many foods do still taste very bland without any salt.  Those are now the only ones I (sparingly) salt and I no longer use it when cooking. 7. Follow Your Gut      I really believe that we know, intuitively, what is best for us.  And what is best for me may not be best for you.  We have to also factor in that we change - our bodies change, our needs change, etc.  I don't know about you but I've spent my entire life worried about weight.  Weight and clothing size have been the main focus points.  No more! My focus now shifts to getting myself and then keeping myself as healthy as I can.      The only numbers I'm going to concern myself with are those from routine blood tests and blood pressure tests.  No more scale or clothing size.  Additionally, I want to keep the weight off my middle (which is where I gain it first) since that's the most dangerous, and feeling good.  Stress and poor eating have nearly destroyed my immune system and I'm sure I will spend the next year or more rebuilding it.   That being said, I've made that commitment to myself.

Oliver doesn't care if I eat WFPB or not.  As long as he gets his treats.

So, for now I continue to eat WFPB as I work on healing my immune system.  As noted above, many of the guidelines I will continue to follow, regardless of whether or not I continue with the strictness of WFPB.  I can see the benefit of following it but I do crave fish and will likely eat it at the very least, when we occasionally go out for dinner.    

What I've Learned From Whole Foods Plant Based Eating was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)