#and her actions are now eclipsed by his guilt

[chvoswxtch]

all i need is you

pairing: matt murdock x fem!reader

summary: following the morning after matt's run in with elektra, you have a lot of decisions to make about your future together.

warnings: swearing, angst, explicit sexual content (minors pls dni), mentions of pregnancy

word count: 8.2k

a/n: y'all have been requesting a sequel to please don't be mad for almost 6 months now, & I apologize it's coming so late. there were a lot of things y'all wanted to see happen in the sequel, & I took all of that feedback to heart & incorporated as much as I could in a way that made sense to me. i've been working on this for months, & it was really important to me to create something you guys would really love & be happy with. thank you to everyone that even wanted a sequel, & for being so patient. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

[part one]

It was almost crazy to think that just over a year ago, you thought your relationship with Matt Murdock was over for good. 

When you had awoken that following morning by his side, head clear of the rage and lust induced haze you had been captured in, all that was lingering was a heart heavy with hurt and stinging with betrayal. You had silently collected all of your belongings, pressed one last kiss to Matt’s lips, and granted his peaceful sleeping form one final glance before leaving your spare key on his entry table and disappearing into the twilight. 

All of his words still echoed in the back of your mind, but so did his actions. The promise of marriage was eclipsed by the cherry lip stain on his collar. The prospect of a family was diluted by the scent of an expensive perfume that didn’t belong to you. The vow of faith and love was broken by yet another lie. 

You loved Matt, more than you had ever loved anyone, and more than you ever thought you could love another person. You knew deep down that he was a good man. You tried to believe that he would never intentionally hurt you. But it had gotten to the point where you couldn’t ignore the ache he left in your chest. 

You needed time to try to forgive him. You weren’t even sure if you could forgive him at all. The cut he’d made ran deep, and you couldn’t decide if it was because he’d made it with her blade, or if it was simply his own that had been slicing away at the same spot over and over and over. Regardless, you needed time. Time away from him; to heal, to think, to decide. 

But Matt Murdock had never been a man of patience.

For two endless weeks your phone constantly lit up with his name, filling up with messages containing apologies and desperate pleas. You started arriving early to work and left later than usual to throw him off your schedule. You had the receptionist bypass all his calls and made security aware that he was not welcome in your office. You ignored all the usual spots that he knew you frequented, and especially the ones you went to together. For the first time in over a year, you locked all your windows to ensure he couldn’t slip through in the middle of the night. You blasted music through your headphones so you didn’t have to hear the pain in his voice as he called out your name, fist banging away at your front door so hard you were certain he was going to actually break it down. 

It was torture. Even though he had been the one to wrong you, a piece of you felt guilty. You could hear the terror and remorse in his voice when he stood outside your door, begging for forgiveness, chanting your name over and over as if you were the deity he worshiped and needed absolution from. It left a bitter taste in your mouth to be yet another person to turn your back on him, but through the wave of your sadness came the tide of anger, reminding you that he had done this. He had forced your hand. He made a choice, and you had to make yours. 

The guilt from also having to ignore Karen and Foggy weighed heavily on your chest. They knew what had happened. You had just as many sympathetic voicemails and unanswered texts from them asking if you were okay, and if you wanted to talk. You hated not being able to lean on them when you were at your most vulnerable. They were your family just as much as Matt was, but you couldn’t talk to them or be around them. They just reminded you of him. A huge part of you resented him for that, for making you feel like you couldn’t go to the two other people you loved most in this world for comfort because of what he did. You had spent the past few years building your entire life around Matt, and he had selfishly sent it crashing to the ground, leaving you completely isolated beneath the debris.

For two long weeks, you felt trapped beneath a heavy blanket of depression you couldn’t seem to find your way out from. 

And then she happened. 

How Elektra had managed to break into your apartment when Matt couldn’t, you weren’t sure, but the day you came home to find her in your living room with a bag of your things packed by her feet, you were stunned silent.

“I need you to come with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Because Matthew is an idiot and he’s put you in danger. We need to go. Now.”

She didn’t even give you a chance to hesitate, gripping your overnight bag into one hand, and forcing you out your door with the other. The ding of the elevator dropping you to the lobby seemed to wake you out of whatever trance she had put you in, and you stared at her in confusion as you stood firmly outside the metal doors.

“I don’t understand. What are you doing here? Where are we going?”

“I’ll explain when we get there. We need to move.”

“I don’t-“

“Listen. You don’t know me. You’ve got no reason to trust me. But right now, I am trying to save your life. So if you’ll please-“

“Why?”

Elektra paused for a moment as she looked at you. The annoyance on her perfect features vanished slowly, taking in the pain and confusion that were clearly plastered on yours. 

“Because you’re important to Matthew, which means you’re important to me.”

Elektra filled you in on everything the moment she had secured you away in a penthouse uptown that was registered under an alias. What she and Matt thought were the Yakuza had ended up being a much older and sinister organization called The Hand. They were into some freaky cult shit that you didn’t quite understand, but you got the gist that they were powerful, and extremely dangerous. They were also everywhere. They had tracked her and Matt, and a man named Stick that had trained the two of them, back to Matt’s apartment the night after the gala. They had been tracking him ever since, and because he had continuously been going to your office and apartment, they knew all about you. 

She even told you the truth about how she had met Matt, and how it had all been a set up by Stick to bring him back to their side; to fight the war that he had been warning them both about. 

“I don’t know what Matthew has told you about me. Probably nothing good. But I need you to know…I did love him. That’s why I left. I realized…he wasn’t like us. He would never be like us. He was too…good. He didn’t belong with Stick and I. I didn’t want to be the one to put that light out inside of him. I didn’t want anyone to. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble between the two of you the night of the gala. I wasn’t aware that he hadn’t told you that I was in town, or what we were doing. I swear I was only trying to protect him.”

There was a glimmer of regret dancing along Elektra’s waterline, and you could see her own pain shadowing the faint smile on her lips. 

“You weren’t the one that lied to me.”

Elektra blew out a breath as she took a seat in front of you, dragging her teeth along her bottom lip as she nodded.

“Matthew always has pure intentions. I know that. But for someone who is incredibly intelligent, he’s also a complete dumbass. He tries so hard to do the right thing…but he doesn’t stop to think about if he’s doing it the right way. Look I don’t…I don’t know anything about the two of you, and I’m not telling you what to do, but I can tell you that he is absolutely in love with you.”

“So…you didn’t come back to New York for him?”

“For his help, yes. To rekindle whatever we had, no. But for the record, even if I had, I wouldn’t have stood a chance in Heaven or Hell against you.”

There was something oddly comforting about Elektra’s words and the timid smile on her lips. It eased some of the tension pent up in your body, and you felt a little lighter as you let a deep exhale out through your parted lips. Nibbling on your bottom lip, you glanced over at her as you anxiously twisted a ring around your index finger.

“I…thank you. You…you didn’t have to…do all of this. I hate to even ask anything of you when you’re already doing so much for me but…can you just…not tell Matt I’m here? I’m not ready to talk to him yet.”

Elektra flashed you a pitiful smile as she gave a slight nod of her head.

“Of course. It’ll be our little secret.”

It only took Matt three days to figure out that Elektra had been hiding you, and as he burst through the front door of her penthouse, he was absolutely incandescent. 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me. You’ll have a sleepover with her, but you won’t talk to me?”

“Watch your tone, Matthew.”

Elektra glared over at Matt, tightening her grip on the knife in her hand that was hovering over a cutting board filled with various ingredients. 

Matt furiously tore off his glasses as he angrily pointed his finger in her direction, the top of his lip curling up into a menacing snarl.

“I don’t want to hear shit from you after you-“

“I protected her because you led the Hand right to her. You’re fucking welcome by the way.”

Elektra let out a deep angry exhale as she turned to face you with a sour pout on her lips. She gestured her head in Matt’s direction with a quirk of her brow.

“I can get rid of him if you’d like.”

“Excuse me?”

“I wasn’t speaking to you, Matthew.”

Sighing heavily as you let go of the whisk in your hand, you pushed the large bowl of batter forward on the kitchen island and wiped your hands off on a small towel. Rubbing your hands over your tired eyes, you waved your hand dismissively towards Elektra.

“It’s…it’s fine, Ellie. I’ll deal with him.”

Elektra eyed you for a moment before shooting another glare in Matt’s direction. She dropped the knife onto the cutting board, wiping her hands off on the same towel before clasping them together loudly.

“Right, well, I’ll leave the knife out just in case. Remember the three main areas I taught you to stab. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

After you watched Elektra disappear upstairs into her bedroom, you turned around to face Matt. His eyes were absolutely wild with rage and his face was morphed into complete disbelief as he blanched at you.

“Ellie? Since when the hell is she Ellie?”

“Since she’s the only one around here that tells me the truth about what the fuck is going on.”

Matt clenched his fists at his sides as he stared blankly over at you, and you watched as a muscle feathered in his jaw. 

“What did she tell you?”

“Everything you didn’t.”

You could practically feel the anger radiating off of him in waves, but you had more of a right to be pissed off than he did. Matt shoved his hand into his pocket, producing a shiny silver object that he held out in front of him between his thumb and index finger.

“What is this?”

Crossing your arms over your chest, you arched one of your brows as you looked at him.

“A key.”

Your key. 

Matt’s nostrils flared as he clenched his jaw, quickly crossing the distance between you to stand directly in front of you.

“Don’t get smart with me. Do you have any idea how it felt to wake up that next morning and you were gone? All of you, your things, everything gone? And to find this on the table? Not even-“

“I’d imagine it was as shitty as you coming home covered in red lipstick and smelling like your ex lover's perfume. Or as shitty as finding out you lied about where you were and who you were with, and that you kissed her and lied about that too.”

Matt ran his hand through his hair quickly in annoyance before dragging it roughly down his jaw, shaking his head as he flung his arms up in the air with frustration.

“Goddamnit Y/N, we talked about that! We worked through it. Then you just…disappeared and ignored me for weeks. You won’t return any of my calls, you won’t open the door, I can’t even-“

“We didn’t talk about anything, Matt! You kept trying to justify your actions and completely ignored how I was feeling. We didn’t work through anything. You manipulated me and we fucked. That is not working through it.”

Matt sighed with exasperation as he stared at you incredulously. 

“I did not manipulate you. Fuck, I told you that I wanted to marry you and have a family witn you-“

“In the middle of sex, Matthew! I don’t know if you even meant that, or if it was a heat of the moment thing. And don’t you dare say you didn’t manipulate me. You took advantage of the fact that I was frustrated and that you hadn’t touched me in weeks. You knew I would give into you. How do you think that makes me feel? That you completely ignored my feelings, manipulated me into sex for forgiveness, and filled my head with all those promises knowing that our relationship was in a bad spot. I can’t trust a word that you say because you can’t seem to stop lying to me.”

Matt’s anger evaporated the second he tasted the salt of your tears in the air. He hung his head between his shoulders in shame, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as the severity of your words nestled in the silence. Letting out a soft sigh, Matt’s tongue darted out to quickly wet his lips.

“You’re right.”

His hazel eyes were more clear without the cloud of vexation, and you could see the way they glistened with regret. Matt’s plump lips fell into a frown, and guilt seemed to tug the rest of his features down like gravity.

“I’m sorry. I swore to you that I wouldn’t lie after I told you the truth about me. I broke my promise to you, I betrayed your trust, and I disrespected our relationship. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I never, ever meant to hurt you. I didn’t want you to get mad that I was working with Elektra. I didn’t think…I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t considering your feelings. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I could’ve come up with another diversion. All of this could’ve been avoided if…if I had just told you the truth.”

Matt let out a shaky breath as his blank eyes glanced upwards, closing for a moment as he clenched his fists by his sides. A stray tear slipped past his lashes when he opened his eyes again, slowly lowering himself onto his knees before you as he reached for one of your hands to hold.

“I have been…absolutely fucking miserable these past few weeks, and that’s my own fault. I know that. I have hated not getting to feel your touch, or hear your voice, or be able to tell you how much I love you. I am so fucking sorry if I ever made you question how I feel about you, but Y/N I meant every word that night. You are the love of my life. You do belong with me. I do want to marry you and start a family. I swear to God, I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back and your forgiveness. Just tell me what I have to do sweetheart, and I’ll do it.”

It broke your heart to see Matt look so distraught. It stung even more than he was on his knees begging for forgiveness instead of asking you to spend the rest of your lives together, but there was an undeniable conviction in his voice. It soothed the pang in your chest slightly to finally hear him acknowledge his fuck up, and apologize for it instead of getting defensive. Elektra had melted away the insecurity you had felt with her confession, and the frightened look that shattered Matt’s face showed you just how scared he was to lose you.

There was still a lot of work to be done on your relationship. It wasn’t going to be fixed overnight, and Matt was going to have to put in a lot of effort to earn your trust back, and prove to you just how much your relationship mattered to him. But you were in love with him, and you knew there was no one else for you but him.

“You can start by taking care of this…”Hand” shit. I’m not loving the fact that I’m being hunted by zombie ninjas because of my idiot boyfriend.”

Matt’s ears instantly perked up, and a lopsided hopeful grin stretched across his lips.

“I’m still your boyfriend?”

“For now. You’re dangerously close to being replaced by Elektra, though. She’s always bluntly honest, and her bed is way nicer.”

You never in a million years thought that your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend would fight just as hard as he would to keep you safe, but Elektra had. She protected you from The Hand just as fiercely as Matt did, nearly giving her life for you both, and now she was securing the last button on the back of your wedding dress and staring at you in the mirror with a knowing smirk. 

The morning you slipped out of Matt’s apartment heartbroken and desolate seemed like a lifetime ago as you prepared yourself to meet him at the altar in just under an hour. 

“What’s on your mind, little dove? Got cold feet?”

Elektra quirked one of her dark brows as she stared at your reflection with her signature smirk. Karen had left the two of you alone to go check on Matt and Foggy, and she was helping you with your finishing touches. 

After helping save New York, Elektra had stuck around, and to both of your surprises, and certainly to Matt’s, you two had become very close. The more you got to know the more vulnerable side of her, the more you felt for her. She wasn’t the villain that everyone had painted her out to be. She had been a scared little girl, manipulated with a promise of something resembling a family, only to be broken down and molded into something to orchestrate death and destruction instead. It wasn’t unlike what Stick had done to Matt. As a matter of fact, it was worse. 

“If I said yes?”

Elektra hummed quietly as she moved your hair off your shoulder, leaning in to rest her chin on it as she wrapped you up in a hug from behind with a grin on her lips. 

“Ever been to Paris this time of year? It’s beautiful. We could be at a private air strip before anyone even knew what happened. Matthew is fast, but he can’t outrun a Maserati.”

A grin broke out across your lips as you giggled, squeezing onto Elektra’s arms when she winked. You had never been more sure of anything in your life than you were sure that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Matt Murdock. Both of you knew that. But you also both knew he was eavesdropping just on the other side of the church, and it was incredibly easy to rile him up.

As if on cue, Foggy suddenly burst through the door and pointed a finger at Elektra with an expression of pure irritation on his face. 

“Whatever you’re telling her, knock it off. You’re scaring the shit out of him, and he’s already convinced enough as it is that she's not gonna walk down that aisle.”

“Oh relax, Franklin. Girls got to have their fun, yeah? Besides, I thought they called him the man without fear.” 

Foggy rolled his eyes as he shut the door behind him, walking over to shoo Elektra away as he stood behind you and adjusted your veil down your back.

“Yeah, until it comes to her. Go head to head with the Punisher who's notorious for using automatic weapons with sticks? Sure. Take on a weird cult of ninjas that can’t die and like to use really sharp swords also only with sticks? Why not. Fuck it, let’s use every goddamn tall building in Hell’s Kitchen for parkour practice. But ask the woman I’m ridiculously in love with to marry me and put up with my shit for the rest of our lives? That’s where the devil seems to tuck his tail between his legs.”

Matt had been an absolute nervous wreck the night he proposed to you. He had brought you to the same restaurant that he had taken you to for dinner on your first date, and was fidgety the whole time. Every time you asked if he was okay, he swore up and down that he was, and you figured there was just something overwhelming one or several of his senses. But then you noticed that despite it being mid November, he was sweating as you walked hand in hand through Central Park, and his hand kept nearly slipping from yours. Finally, you stopped and turned to face him, placing your hand on his chest to steady him.

“Okay, what’s going on with you?”

“N-Nothing, I’m fine. Let’s keep-”

“No, you aren’t. You’ve been acting strange all night. You’ve been anxious and fidgety, and now you’re sweating.”

“It’s hot-”

“It’s November, Matthew.”

Matt’s lips parted slightly as he went to protest, but nothing came out. He was usually good at coming up with excuses on the spot, but whatever was going on with him had seemed to completely take over his mind. A soft sigh slipped past your lips as he averted his gaze to the ground, watching as he clenched his fist by his side. You took a step forward to place your hands gently on his cheeks to cradle his face.

“Matty, please talk to me. Is something wrong?”

“No, no nothing…nothing is wrong.”

“Then what is going on? What’s got you so worked up?”

“I’m not worked up-”

“Matthew.”

Matt let out a sigh of defeat hearing the tone in your voice, his tongue darting out to quickly wet his lips as he attempted to flash you a reassuring smile.

“Can we just keep walking please? There’s something I wanna show you.”

There was evident excitement in Matt’s voice, but it didn’t resonate with you. The way he kept dodging your questions was beginning to put you in a sour mood, conjuring up a bitter taste of realization that he was on the cusp of breaking an oath he had sworn to keep. Dropping your hands quickly from his face, you shook your head in frustration as you turned around swiftly to walk ahead without him.

“You promised me you wouldn’t do this anymore.”

You only made it two steps forward before Matt blurted out a confession laced with full blown panic.

“I’m in love with you.”

Immediately pausing, you turned around to look at him in complete confusion.

“I know that, Matt.”

Matt let out a heavy exhale as he rushed forward and took your hand into his, scrunching up his nose as he shook his head quickly.

“No, I…I mean…that I’m…fuck, this isn’t going right.”

Matt pinched the bridge of his nose as his lips pursed into a frown, and you eyed him curiously as you gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

“What isn’t going right? What are you talking about?”

“Will you just…come with me? Please? I really need to show you something.”

Matt’s face was twisted in what looked like agony, and the desperation in his voice made you nervous. You didn’t think you had ever seen him look so…terrified, not even that night at Elektra’s when he thought you were going to leave him for good. You allowed Matt to guide you further through the park, venturing off down a path only he seemed to know, and stopping once you reached a gate that was covered in ivy. He pulled a key from his pocket to unlock it, and pushed it open with a slight creak, gesturing for you to enter first with a timid smile.

A shocked gasp flew past your lips as you stepped inside. It was an isolated garden, completely closed in by ivy covered walls, lit up only with various strings of white twinkle lights and the glow of the moon. To your delight, there were several plants and flowers in full bloom, and the whole scene looked like a vibrant painting you would hang on your wall. 

“I hear this place is beautiful.”

Turning around to face Matt, you noticed that he had taken off his glasses, and was apprehensively turning them over in his hands over and over. The timid smile was still plastered on his lips, but his eyes were nearly blown open with distress.

“I…it’s…I don’t even know how to describe it. How…how did you find this?”

“Karen did. It’s technically private property owned by the city, but Brett owed me a favor.”

The puzzlement on your face only grew as you stared at Matt, a soft laugh leaving your lips as you gestured around.

“Is this why you’ve been acting so weird? You didn’t think I’d like the surprise?”

Matt’s eyes darted back and forth blankly as he dragged his teeth along his bottom lip, swallowing thickly as he placed his glasses into his jacket pocket and took a few cautious steps forward.

“I…I hoped that you’d like it.”

“Matty, I love it. It’s so beautiful. But you didn’t have to be so nervous to show me this. You could’ve taken me to a random alley and I still would’ve loved it.”

Matt let out a breathless laugh as he shook his head, clicking his tongue against the inside of his cheek as he smiled softly.

“Then it wouldn’t have been special.”

A furrow formed between your brows as you looked at him, trying to decipher all the cryptic pieces he was laying in front of you.

“What wouldn’t have?”

Matt was silent for a moment as he fixed his gaze on your face, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly as he studied you. Finally letting out a deep breath, he reached out to take one of your hands, brushing his thumb delicately over your knuckles as a slow smile spread over his lips.

“I told you, I’m in love with you.”

“And I’m in love with you, Matty.”

Matt took a step closer as he brought his other hand up to cradle your face, a tender smile on his lips as he rubbed his thumb soothingly over your cheek. You couldn’t tell if it was the reflection of the lights in his eyes, but they looked glossy, almost as if he was about to cry, and it made you squeeze onto his hand tighter.

“You…are the first person that has ever truly understood me. The first that’s ever accepted and loved both sides of me. You’ve never shied away from one, or favored the other, or asked me to choose. You haven’t given up on me, even when I’ve given you plenty of reasons to. You are the best part of my day. I can’t tell you how…how happy it makes me to know that when I come home at night, you’re there waiting for me. And no matter what kind of day I’ve had, or how rough of a night it was, it…it doesn’t matter, because you’re there. You give me a reason to make it home. I can’t tell you how much I love that I get to fall asleep holding you and listening to your heartbeat, and start every day hearing your voice and kissing your lips. I have never felt as…happy…and light as I do with you. I want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. I want to spend the rest of my life ending every night with you and starting every morning with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So-”

Matt let out a shaky breath as he slowly dropped his hand from your face and tightly held onto your hand. You were already in tears from Matt’s words before, but the moment he dropped down onto one knee before you, the floodgates opened and a choked sob caught in your throat as your other hand flew up to cover your mouth.

“Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?”

“Oh my God, Matty…yes…yes!”

Matt blew out a shaky breath of relief as he closed his eyes for a moment, the tension in his shoulders evaporating right in front of your eyes as he let his head drop. You couldn’t help but laugh as you stared down at him in perplexity.

“Did you think I was going to say no?”

Matt rubbed his hand down his face to wipe away his own tears, letting out another breathless laugh and sniffling as he looked up at you with a goofy grin on his lips.

“Figured I had a fifty-fifty shot.”

Lips splitting into the biggest smile you had ever seen, Matt quickly rose to his feet and grabbed your face, capturing your mouth in a deep kiss as you gripped onto his jacket to hold him close. All of a sudden he quickly pulled away and shoved his hand down into his pocket.

“Oh shit, uh…sorry…I…here.”

Matt laughed nervously as he pulled a small velvet black box out of his pocket, opening it to reveal the ring inside. Your mouth fell open as a gasp escaped, and you gripped onto Matt’s forearm as fresh tears welled in your eyes.

“Matty…”

“Do…do you like it?”

“I…I love it. It’s…it’s perfect. How did you-”

“I had some help.”

Glancing up at Matt through your teary eyes, you watched as a bashful smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Pulling the ring from the box, Matt gently grabbed onto your wrist with a shaky hand, and carefully slipped the ring onto your finger. It fit absolutely perfectly, and you stared down at it in awe as it dazzled beneath the lights. You were overwhelmed with so many emotions, and you didn’t know what to do other than grab Matt’s face and pull him down for a searing kiss. 

The two of you gripped onto each other as if you were afraid the other might disappear if you loosened your grasp even the slightest. You were a flurry of lips and teeth, trying to devour the other’s desire, consuming the taste of happiness together. Matt laid you down in the soft grass of the garden floor and made love to you right there, intertwining his hand with yours that wore the symbol of his love and promise to you.

A burst of laughter ripped through your chest at that memory of Matt’s nervousness as you covered your mouth, staring at Foggy knowingly in the reflection of the mirror. Elektra’s mouth split into a huge grin as she rolled her eyes, pressing a quick kiss to your temple and giving Foggy’s shoulder a squeeze on her way to the door.

“Alright, alright. Let me go do damage control. I’ll see you both out there. Oh, and Y/N, darling?”

You turned your head to look over at her as she paused in the doorway.

“Yeah?”

A warm smile tugged at the corners of Elektra’s mouth as she stared over at you, leaning her head briefly against the door. 

“You are the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

You pursed your lips slightly as your face twisted up faintly into an expression of gratitude, returning her smile with one of your own.

“Thank you, Ellie.”

Elektra flashed you a quick wink, closing the door behind her to leave you alone with Foggy.

“She’s right, you know. You do look beautiful.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of your mouth as you looked at Foggy in the mirror, arching one of your brows quizzically.

“Did you just agree with her?”

“That stays between us. This is a one time thing.”

Laughing softly, you turned around to pull Foggy into a tight hug, sighing in relaxation as his arms came around you to hold you securely to his chest. There didn’t seem to be anything that a hug from Foggy Nelson couldn’t fix. All of the pent up nerves seemed to dissipate from the warmth of his embrace, and you suddenly felt a million times lighter.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have anything to thank me for.”

“I have everything to thank you for.”

“Well in that case, I think Foggy would be a great name for your future kid.”

A deep laugh rumbled in his chest as you giggled, pulling back slightly to peer up at him with a grin.

“I’ll put in a good word.”

After Foggy left you alone to go rejoin Matt and the others, you stared at your reflection in the mirror, smoothing your hands over your dress for the millionth time. A part of you was still in disbelief that today was the day you were marrying your best friend. Matt had sworn to not take the second chance you had given him for granted, and had been treating it as if it were sacred. He opened up to you about everything now, even the rough nights that plagued his thoughts, and the horrors he desperately wanted to protect you from. There wasn’t a single thought or emotion he hid anymore, and he’d even gotten better about finding balance between each of his lives. That wasn’t to say that you both didn’t struggle from time to time still, but your relationship was the healthiest it had ever been.

A knock against the door tore you from your thoughts, and a smile quickly spread across your lips at the sight of the figure leaning against the doorway.

“Hey big guy.”

Frank’s mouth split into a grin as he looked at you, giving a slight nod of his head in your direction.

“Hey darlin’.”

Turning away from the mirror to face him fully, you swallowed thickly as you smoothed your trembling hands down the sides of your dress and gestured to it.

“I look okay?”

Frank cocked his head to the side as he smirked, taking you in with his eyes as he took a few steps forward to stand in front of you.

“You kiddin’? You’re gonna knock Red on his ass.”

You didn’t hardly have any family outside of the chosen one you had made with Matt, Foggy, Karen, Elektra, and Frank. When you’d let it slip to him that you would be walking down the aisle alone, Frank instantly offered to be the one to walk you. He confessed that it would probably be the closest he would ever get to walking his own daughter down the aisle, and you graciously accepted without hesitation. 

A smirk curled at the corner of your mouth as you let your eyes wander over his large figure, finally meeting his deep brown curious eyes.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so…”

“Dressed up, yeah yeah. Don’t get used to it.”

“I was gonna say not covered in blood.”

Frank let out a deep chuckle as he shook his head slowly, looking down at you with a dazzling grin on his lips.

“Figured I could behave for a few days so I didn’t mess up your pretty dress, yeah?”

“How generous of you.”

As the processional music started to play, the nerves you felt earlier returned full force, and you gripped onto Frank’s arm tightly as the reality of the situation started to sink in. This was actually happening. Matt was waiting for you on the other side of these doors, and in just a few moments, he would finally be your husband. Tears started to form in the corners of your eyes as your emotions started to catch up with you, thinking about everything the two of you had gone through together, and how it had all led up to this moment. Frank’s lips brushed against your cheek as he bent down to whisper into your ear.

“You say the word, and I’ll get you outta here. No questions asked, yeah?”

Gripping a little tighter onto his arm, you leaned into Frank’s embrace as a shaky breath left your lips.

“Where would we go?”

“Wherever you want, darlin’. I could hide you places even he couldn’t find.”

You swore you heard Matt groan loudly on the other side of the door, and you couldn’t help but giggle as you dipped your head back to look up at Frank. Taking a deep breath in, you exhaled slowly through your parted lips and nodded with a soft smile.

“I’m ready.”

Frank gave a slight nod as he leaned in to kiss your forehead, dropping his left eye in a wink as he smiled.

“Attagirl.”

“Frankie?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“Don’t let me fall, please.”

Frank wrapped his right arm tightly around your waist, holding onto your hand with his left one as he squeezed it gently.

“Never.”

»»———　　———««

“As absolutely beautiful as you are in this dress, it’s time for it to come off.”

“You don’t wanna leave it on?”

“I’d love to, sweetheart, but it’s kind of in my way. Besides, it’s so pretty, I’d hate to ruin it with all the things I wanna do to you, Mrs. Murdock.”

A soft gasp left your lips as Matt gently sucked on that sensitive spot on your neck below your ear, and you could feel him grin against your skin when your heart skipped. He had taken every opportunity throughout the evening to call you that, or refer to you as his wife. Every time it hit your ears, a buzz of serotonin flooded your bloodstream and left you hazy.

“And what, exactly, is it that you wanna do to me, Mr. Murdock?”

Matt’s fingertips brushed lightly along the exposed skin of your bare back, causing a shudder to course through you while his nimble fingers delicately tugged the zipper of your dress agonizingly slow down your back. His stubble tickled against your cheek as he nuzzled your jaw, inhaling your scent deeply while leaving open mouthed kisses down the column of your neck.

“Fuck a baby into you.”

Gripping tightly onto his suit jacket, you were suddenly taken back to that night over a year ago when he’d first made that promise, and his words from that night flowed through your ears. 

I’m gonna marry you someday, Y/N.

I will put a ring on your finger tomorrow. 

I will put a baby in you tonight.

A fresh wave of mixed emotions glossed over your eyes, and Matt slowly pulled back to stare blankly down at your face with an expression of concern as he cradled your face in his hand.

“What is it, angel?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

Matt tilted his head to the side slightly as his honey hazel eyes gazed down at you, tongue darting out to quickly wet his lips before they pulled into a timid smile.

“Was it the wedding you always wanted?”

Bringing your own hand up to cup Matt’s jaw, you pulled him in closer to touch your foreheads together as you whispered softly.

“Of course it was, Matty. You were the groom.”

Matt had been continuously asking you the same question all night, wanting to make sure you were absolutely happy with the biggest day of your lives. Honestly, it had been perfect. Karen had taken over as your unofficial wedding planner, and between her, Marci, and Elektra, you’d hardly had to lift a finger. Getting married in a church wasn’t a huge deal for you since you weren’t religious, but you knew how much it meant to Matt, and you offered to marry him in his church where his parents would’ve married. It was small and intimate, exactly what you both wanted.

The second you stepped through the open doors with Frank, Matt immediately started to cry. You were only a second behind him as soon as you saw him, the two of you gripping onto each other’s hands as Father Lantom led the ceremony, bringing everyone in attendance to tears as you exchanged your heartfelt vows. Matt had captured your lips in a deep kiss as soon as Father Lantom uttered his name, and he lightly smacked him over the back of the head with his bible to remind him that he was in church when the kiss started getting a little too heated for the house of God. Maggie had simply laughed, reminding Father Lantom that Matthew was indeed Jack Murdock’s son.

The reception was held at Josie’s where you had first met Matt over two years ago, courtesy of Karen. Foggy had drunkenly climbed onto the bar to deliver his best man speech which only drew further tears out of everyone from laughter by telling the most embarrassing story he could conjure about Matt from college, and also from the passionate gratitude he showered you in for making his best friend the happiest he had ever seen him.

Matt told me once he thought you were an angel created by God himself, and sent down from Heaven just for him, exactly when he needed you. I believe that’s true. There’s no other explanation for how perfect you are for him. Thank you for bringing my brother the happiness he’s always deserved. I love you both.

Karen could hardly contain her own tears as she spoke fondly about you and Matt, bringing even Frank and Jessica to tears with her sweet words.

I knew the night you met Matt that you loved him. I could see it in your eyes. Thank you for loving him the way that you do. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me as your best friend for you to end up with someone like Matt. Because I know he will take care of you, and protect you, and love you with everything he’s got, and I know you’ll do the same for him. I’m just so happy my two favorite people found each other.

“Today was the happiest day of my life. A day I never honestly thought would come, but I’m so happy it did, and I’m so happy it was with you. I wouldn’t change anything about it. I mean…apart from everyone offering to help you runaway, but.”

A loud laugh slipped past your ears at the annoyed look on Matt’s face, countered by the smirk that was threatening to spill across his lips. You gently squeezed his cheeks to purse his lips into a pout, leaning in to kiss them softly.

“You know they were joking.”

“No, Frank and Elektra were serious. They were actually gonna smuggle you out.”

Giggling softly, you shook your head as you leaned in to press your lips against Matt’s softly once more.

“Well I didn’t run, did I?”

Matt let out a deep exhale through his nose, shaking his head slowly as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“No. Still not sure why you didn’t.”

“There was cake.”

Matt rolled his eyes as he pushed himself up above you, and you giggled uncontrollably as you grabbed onto his tie to pull him back down towards you.

“I’m kidding! You know someone has to keep the Devil in line.”

Matt clicked his tongue against his cheek, narrowing his eyes slightly as he cocked his head to the side and stared down at you with a light smirk.

“That the only reason, then? Because you’re the only one that can?”

“I can think of a few more. Now, I thought you were helping me out of this dress?”

“I was.”

“Then be a good husband, Matthew, and help your wife.”

Matt’s eyes darkened considerably at the sultry tone of your voice, and a devilish grin took over his mouth as your beloved dimples settled in his inner cheeks. He was careful as he slipped the silk gown down your body, laying it carefully over the dresser before attacking your body with kisses once again. You frantically clawed at his jacket and dress shirt, blindly making quick work of his belt, already panting just from the idea of having your husband inside of you. There seemed to be a silent understanding between the two of you that neither of you had the patience for foreplay tonight, and all you both wanted in that moment was to be absolutely consumed by one another. 

As Matt settled between your spread thighs, a wash of nerves made you shiver, and you found yourself placing your shaky palm on his chest over his heart to get his attention.

“Matty…did you…are we…you really want a baby with me? Right now?”

Matt tilted his head in confusion as he let his eyes blankly wander over you, placing his palm flat on the pillow by your head as he leaned in closer towards you. You and Matt had been talking more seriously about starting a family after you got engaged, and you stopped taking birth control a few months before the wedding to make sure it was fully out of your system for when you two were ready to actually start trying.

“Of course I do. Why? Did you change your mind?”

“No! No no, it’s not that. I just…you aren’t going to miss it? I mean…the city means so much to you, Matty, and-”

“Hey, you mean the most to me. You’re the love of my life, sweetheart.”

You wrapped your fingers around Matt’s wrist as he held your face, nibbling at your bottom lip as you let out a shaky breath.

“I know, baby. I just…I know how much you need that part of yourself-”

“Not anymore. All I need is you. I’m still protecting the city, and the people in it, everyday. I’m still helping people. But New York doesn’t really need Daredevil anymore. It has people to protect it, like Luke and Jessica. And Colleen, Danny, even Frank and Elektra. You need me. And the one thing I care more about protecting and keeping safe is you, and our family.”

“I just don’t want you to wake up one day and regret hanging up the suit, or feel any kind of resentment-”

“Sweetheart, listen to me. I could never regret anything with you. How could I feel even an ounce of resentment when you’re offering to give me the greatest gift in the world that I’ll never be able to repay you for, hm?”

Matt carefully wiped a stray tear away from your eye as you reached up to gently grab onto the back of his neck, pulling him down so that his chest was flush to yours as you whispered softly.

“I just want to make you happy, Matty.”

“You do, angel. Everyday. You are my happiness. Now, can I please make love to my wife?”

Matt took his time as he entered you, peppering kisses on every inch of your body he could find, moving his hips lazily as he fucked into you slowly to ensure you both felt everything. Interlacing your fingers together, he held your hands above your head and squeezed them tightly, repeatedly whispering into your ear how much he loved you, how beautiful and perfect you were for him, and how badly he wanted you to give him a baby. Matt pulled your legs tightly around his waist, angling your hips to reach the most delicious depths within you, spilling his seed into the deepest layer of your garden to plant the foundation for the family you both so desperately wanted together. 

Neither of you could get enough, and Matt fucked you sweetly and slowly several more times into the early hours of the night until your bodies simply couldn’t take anymore. He refused to withdraw himself from you, keeping his soft cock nestled within you, preventing any ounce of your future he had emptied into you from slipping out as he wrapped his arms around you from behind. Matt placed his palm over your lower belly, absentmindedly stroking his thumb in slow circles over the first home your child would have.

“I love you so much, angel.”

“I love you so much, Matty.”

Matt was here. Matt loved you. Matt was yours.

tags: @yarrystyleeza @little-miss-dilf-lover @neverlandcity @charmedkim @queenofthenoobs @stilldreaming666 @messymissy @dark-academia-slut @strawberry1042 @thychuvaluswife

[neteyamslovrr]

Hiii, I'm mad late to this, don't hate me. 🤣

I'd love to request angst #10 “i trusted you.” with Ao'nung.

HOW STUPID

another drabble woo!! i am working thru these my god. kinda struggling coz my new meds are kicking my ass LMAO but here is an angsty ao'nung drabble for the man, the myth the legend sia!!!!

Your gut told you no when you started to think of Ao’nung differently. But your heart cried out for him. His cocky smirks and boisterous laughs. For some reason captured your heart, mind, and soul.

But it was when he changed, when he started to be nicer around you. Sharing small moments together as you walked down the dimly lit shore, hands intertwined as he caressed your thumb.

Your brothers warned you of him and his cruel nature, but you took a chance. Like an idiot you took a chance.

Ao’nung had a spot where his friends would hang out as the dark of the eclipse took over the sky. A bonfire lit in the middle of their circle, flickering orange light dimming on their faces.

You wanted to go to talk to him, ask if he wanted to go for a late night swim. Now you wished that you just stayed home and didn’t bother asking for his company.

A large barrier of mangroves and bushes hid the entrance of the secret spot. Your hand held onto the large greenery about to push it out of the way before your entire body froze.

“so Ao’nung is it true that your courting that forest girl, Y/N?” The tone was snarky, a heated question leading to a decimation of trust.

Your blood ran cold as you heard your name roll of a tongue in such a cold way. Hand letting go of the greenery as your body stiffened. Oh how you wish you left, so you could live in an ignorant bliss.

“The forest freak? Why would I court her, she is nothing to this clan, nothing to me.” Ao’nung scoffed at his friend’s question, as if it was completely ridiculous to ever consider being his mate. What was the purpose of his actions? Why did he spend so much time to change just to act as if you were nothing to him.

Your body was now hot. Furious and devasted at what you had just heard. Heart falling out of your chest as it left an empty cavity of hurt within you. How could he do this to you. You trusted him.

Tears welled up in your eyes, streaming down your cheeks. There was no use holding them back as you sobbed down the shore. Your entire body ached, betrayal raking through your bones. You couldn’t go back to your marui like this.

So you sat, you sat on the wet sand, knees curled up to your chest as you stared into the dark sea. Had he thought nothing of your heart? Nothing of your feelings.

Time passed as you sat in your despair, the dim light of the approaching night transitioning to the darkness, only the bioluminescence of the sky and your body lighting up the world around you.

The padding of feet against the sand woke you out of you dissociation. Turning towards the sound it was the last person you wanted to see. Ao’nung. How could you face him, you couldn’t let him lie his way into your heart any longer.

He spotted you curled into yourself on the beach, concern growing his chest. But the closer he got the more he felt that something was incredibly wrong, so incredibly wrong.

“Flower…why are you out here so late? It is dark. Let me walk you home.” His hand laid on your shoulder anxiously.

Your muscles tensed under his touch, shaking his hand off your body as your eyes bored into his soul. Revealing your sadness to him. “What has happened?”

“You.” Ao’nung only furrowed his brows, confused at your answer. “You happened.”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“Why would I court her, she is nothing to this clan, nothing to me.” Your voice cracked as you said it, tears returning as the sting of his words resonated within you.

His face dropped. He had been caught, he was riddled with guilt, mouth growing dry as he tried to form words. “No- Baby I didn’t mean that.”

“Do you know how much I have risked letting myself love you? I trusted you with my heart, my body, my soul. I trusted you to not hurt me. How stupid was I for letting myself do that?” You sobbed between your words, an accusing finger pointed right at his chest.

“You’re not stupid.” You scoffed, a heartless laugh escaping your chest.

“No tell me how stupid I am for loving you. How stupid I am for thinking you would want to be with a forest freak like me. I should’ve listened to my brothers, you are not worthy of the love I have given you.” His face was permanently stuck in a frown, shaking his head as he tried to think of something to say.

“I am sorry flower I didn’t mean it. You know I didn’t.” He grabbed onto your small hand in his, his fin like arms contrasting to your skinnier ones. Another reason he would never love you.

“Stop lying to yourself. You know you did.” And with that you shook his weak grip off you. Striding towards your family marui as his touch still lingered on your palms and his words lingered on your heart. It was childish to ever think he would not taint your heart.  

thankyou sm for reading!!

[abigailxoxo]

fic recommendations part 3: Kai🔥

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154861 -a collection of unrelated one shots where Kai doesn’t do well in the cold!! I love this series a lot

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47340898 Nya doesn't understand why Kai won't spar with her. Is he really that protective of her, or is something else wrong? [some sibling angst +comfort featuring Kai’s fear of water]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41464731 “I don’t care about your stupid bear!” Kai yelled.

“No,” Zane cut in softly. He stood up and placed a hand on Kai’s shoulder. “But you do care about Jay. And Jay cares about the bear.” [basically Kai helping the ninja to show he cares for them]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31443812/chapters/77772008-Kai is grieving over the loss of Zane between seasons 3 and 4. His friends and family work to balance out Kai's more extreme traits. But what happens when he is left alone with all the pain and guilt burning inside him? [Or kais very bad way of coping. angsty and a couple Tws in the tags!]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42144636/chapters/105809082 -Kai feels left out from the ninja, and starts to overthink. Suddenly he meets this “buisness” man in the desert, who gives off suspicious vibes, offering to help kai in the future. [CHECK THE TAGS!!! not much interaction with the ninja until towards the end, but a very good plot + end]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39025779 Kai, Nya, and the others are invited to dinner with the smiths soon after Hot. However, neither seemed to the fact that 1) Kai and Nya are now grown people, and 2) they hardly know each other [basically kai getting frustrated with his parents and snapping angst but happy ending :))]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41910219?view_full_work=true -Kai gave himself the task of getting Cole a gift. How hard can it be? [THIS IS SO CUTE AHHH FT COLE X KAI]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32194186/chapters/79773796 Five times Kai provided comfort for the other ninja when they were having a rough time.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48889378 the team scrambles to last minute celebrate Kai's 17th birthday (and get his age wrong) [this is so cute bcuz kai isnt used to his bd being celebrated 🥹💕]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25607038 All his life, Kai has had to work for himself to stay alive and keep his little sister alive. Now he's been thrown into a team he doesn't trust. But can he find it in himself to trust others to help him save his sister and himself? [the teams first mission together with chaos and kai almost drowning..]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42952665/chapters/107915217 5 times kai lost his temper and 1 time he didnt

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41946786/chapters/105283755 Kai and Jay are tasked with guarding a mysterious artifact, at the museum.To no one's surprise, things don't go well.

Or: I hit Kai with the ouch stick for a while. [AHHH I LOVE THIS FIC. READ THE TAGS!!]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42456837/chapters/106628268 the three times kai has ever cried in public, and the two times he was comforted.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43105782 The solar eclipse will be happening soon. Kai wishes he could share the city's enthusiasm. [basically kai needs more sunlight than a normal human and gets VERY SICK during the eclipse]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47019439 Jay reached out with his hands despite being aware of the futility of the action. He was too far away and Nya wasn’t intending on coming back. That realisation dawned on all of them. Except for one. [Kai cant handle the fact that nya is gone.]

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2986323 LITERALLY A ADORABLE SERIEE OF LAVA ONESHOTS. I ADORE THEM ALL

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48031378/chapters/121106653 hc that kai and cole got drunkley married one night.

they completely forgot about it until a mission gone wrong ended up with cole in the hospital, the doctors wouldn't let them in, ('cos they weren't blood family or some bs reason like that) and kai just lost it and yelled "that's my husband!" (cole x kai)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29963463/chapters/73761240 After Kai's life suddenly comes to a fiery end, he makes a deal so he can continue his purpose of protecting his family. He just didn't expect to come back as something so... cute and fluffy..

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40972503?view_full_work=true#main Kai is kidnapped and buried alive, left to die. When acute claustrophobia starts to sink in, it doesn’t go go great. Not even after the others rescue him.

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11732480/1/Breaking-the-Ice kai falls through thin ice on there first mission when they dont get along very well

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12959261/1/ 5 times kai hid a injury and one time where he didnt succeed

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12768259/1/ 5 times kai lost his temper and one time the ninja lost theres (ft Kai’s fear of water in last chapter)

https://www.tumblr.com/scrambledfluffmuffins/704010233406701568/spice-and-everything-nice Kai, in both a show of brotherly love and brotherly pride, attempts to outdo his siblings in a test of all things spice and chocolate.

https://www.tumblr.com/lloydskywalkers/187747637775/flickerA story about Kai and the warmth he brings to himself and others (in cuddles)

https://www.tumblr.com/scrambledfluffmuffins/659455541321596928/from-what-it-was

Kai reflects on all the changes in the team post-s7 (mostly abt there hair)

lmk if any of the links dont work, i was kinda rushed making this lol. so this isnt all of the fics i have saved, but some!! (guess who my fav character is challenge)

[bookworm551]

Of Duty and Desire | Chapter 5 | Neteyam x Metkayina!reader

A/N: sorry this took so long!!!! I wish I had a good excuse but really it was just writers block. Anyways, I appreciate your patience, I love you all <33

Word Count: 6.8k words

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 6 Epilogue

When you woke up the next day, you had a few blissful seconds where everything felt normal. You stretched as the light reflected on your face, and you enjoyed the sounds of the village waking up for a moment. Then, the memories of the previous night hit you all at once, and all the guilt came rushing back.

Memories replayed in your head over and over again. His hungry lips trailing down your neck, your eager hands pulling him close, the sound of your heavy breathing echoing around you. It was like a dream that never should have come to life.

You ran your hands over your face. This was not good. You thought you could still be friends, that you could maintain some form of friendship with him, but last night was clear evidence that it wasn't possible. Being alone with him, seeing him with the blue-green cast of colors on his face, and hearing him say how much he wanted to be with you had all been too much for you to think and act rationally.

Now, you had to get up and go about your day pretending as if nothing had happened. And that's exactly what you did.

You threw yourself into your chores, doing everything in your power to distract yourself from the night before. You even asked Ronal for more work when you finished your chores in record time. It was terrible for you to look her in the eye knowing that if she found out about last night, she would unleash a flood of fury on you.

Everything was going relatively smoothly up until late in the afternoon when Aonung found you on the beach mid-errand. "I've been looking for you," he stated as he came up behind you. You looked up at him in alarm, your heart speeding up anxiously. "Oh?" you managed to reply quietly, trying to appear unfazed by his presence.

"I am about to leave with Rotxo and the others," he explained. "There is still time for you to join if you'd like." The anxious tension in your chest subsided somewhat at his question. You had forgotten that he and the others were planning on going hunting, even though they had talked about it just last night. You also remembered that Neteyam had also been invited to go as well.

Forcing a smile, you replied, "Thank you, but I think I will stay inside the sea wall today." Aonung shrugged casually. "Very well," he said. "We'll be back by eclipse." You nodded and watched him walk off, taking a breath to steady your heart.

You needed to figure out some way to reconcile what had happened between you and Neteyam, but you didn't know what to do. You knew how upset Aonung would be if you confessed what you had done with Neteyam and how you felt about him. You knew how upset Ronal would be if she knew that you were in love with someone other than her son. To stay silent would mean you would be eaten up by guilt, but to speak would surely mean severe consequences.

You wouldn't mind facing the repercussions of your actions. In fact, you felt that you should, but you hesitated out of fear of what would happen to Neteyam. If you were to be in trouble, you still had some level of protection through Ronal's connection with your mother, but with Neteyam, there was no doubt that your mentor would be angry enough with him to try something as drastic as excommunication. You would never be able to forgive yourself if he had to face punishment like that.

Shaking yourself from your thoughts, you headed back to the village. You returned to distracting yourself through work, braiding, weaving, and organizing anything you could find. You hadn't even realized the hours that had flown by until you stepped outside to go diving for sea grass.

You had initially planned on swimming out to the edge of the sea wall on your own, but now, you considered taking an ilu. Glancing at the sky, you figured you had less than an hour before eclipse. After deliberating for a moment, you decided that it was enough time for you to gather what you needed without one. As much as you enjoyed riding, swimming on your own was more relaxing.

Swimming out to the edge of the sea wall, you became distracted from your thoughts by the graceful creatures darting around you. Nothing cleared your mind from plaguing thoughts better than floating in the warm water while the glowing dots and stripes of the sea animals swirling around you.

You swam down to the sea floor where the sea grass swayed lazily with the movement of the water. You began pulling up the grass from its roots, tying each bundle tightly before placing it in your pouch. While you were gathering, you were blissfully unaware of a creature nestled in the grass around you.

Reaching for another handful of grass, you touched the fin of what you quickly learned was a viper ray. Defensive and vicious, viper rays typically avoided the reef and rarely came in past the sea wall. Though they were beautiful to watch, being so close to one was dangerous. Their venomous sting had been known to kill Na'vi in the past, and even if it wasn't fatal, it was definitely a very painful experience.

Your touch startled the hiding creature. Faster than you could process, the viper ray whipped around and slashed its thick tail at you, swiping across your ribs.

You immediately flinched and released much of the air you were holding. The pain was immediate, a deep burning sensation that outweighed any sort of injury you had ever experienced. The viper ray darted away back into the grass, leaving you clutching your side as you felt you air supply depleting. Desperately, you began kicking towards the surface as quickly as you could.

When you broke above the water, you gasped in pain. You instinctively clutched at your side, the sting burning like a fire across your body. You looked back at the village, a decently long swim even without being injured. You cursed at yourself for not bringing an ilu. Now, you had no idea how you would get back on your own.

Still, you began kicking towards the beach, your breathing too fast and frantic to dive back down again. From the corner of your eye, you saw movement. Turning your head, you made out several figures in the distance on skimwings leisurely heading back to the village. Blinking through the pain, you recognized the people passing by as the group of your friends who had gone hunting earlier. They must have just returned.

In the dying light, you could make out Neteyam and Aonung side-by-side on their skimwings. Pain was coursing through your side as your breathing came in shallow breaths. You finally managed to inhale enough to call out as loudly as you could, "Neteyam!"

He must have heard your voice because his head immediately whipped around to find you. After a moment, he spotted your bobbing form in the water and swiftly moved to where you were floating.

What took less than a minute for him to cross over to you felt like an eternity with the viper ray venom coursing through you. You were grimacing in pain, the salt water causing your sting to burn even worse. Already, you were feeling the fatigue that came with viper ray stings.

"What's wrong?" Neteyam asked in concern, noticing your face contorted in pain. Right behind him, Aonung came up to you on his skimwing. "I've been stung," you managed to gasp as you struggled to stay above the water. "Viper ray."

Neteyam's face shifted from concern to panicked realization. He had heard the stories of the infamous creature and knew the potentially fatal effects it had. Aonung, too, realized the severity of your injury. "She needs to go to my mother now," he told his friend urgently.

Both boys jumped off of their mounts to take you, and you reached a weak hand out to Neteyam. He took it and pulled you over to his skimwing. You wrapped your arms around his neck, squeezing your eyes shut and resting your head on his chest as he hoisted the two of you onto the back of his skimwing.

Your breathing came in sharp gasps as you took off towards the village. In your mind, your thoughts were growing hazy, and it became difficult for you to understand the reassuring words Neteyam was whispering in your ear. Everything was blurring, and the only thing that somewhat distracted you from the pain in your side was the comfort of Neteyam's arms holding you tightly.

You didn't realize it at the time, but the rest of the hunting party that Neteyam and Aonung were with had noticed the two of them speeding off toward the village and quickly followed suit. When you reached the beach, they all pooled around you to figure out what was happening.

"Find Ronal," Neteyam told the group of them as he carefully slid you off of his skimwing. They all hesitated for a moment, recognizing you curled up in pain in his arms.

"What happened to—,"

"Now," Neteyam snapped, his composure cracking over the panicked desperation he was fighting. The group of hunters scattered across the village, but Aonung remained behind in the water with the two of you.

"Let me take her," he told Neteyam, reaching for your form resting in his arms, but he didn't let you go. "I've got her," he said sharply, wading through the water quickly. Aonung was taken aback somewhat, but he didn't press it since he didn't want to waste precious time arguing.

It wasn't long before Ronal came rushing out to meet you all on the beach. She took a moment to assess you, feeling how your skin was growing unusually warm. "Come quickly," she told Neteyam urgently as she moved back to her pod.

Neteyam stepped after her towards the village. You were groaning in pain, your vision coming in and out of focus. You were still aware of the fact that you were in his arms, but your thoughts were becoming increasingly disorganized. You had felt his strong arms around you before, but when? You had been upset about him earlier, but why?

You tried to focus, but the pain radiating from your ribs made it impossible for you to think clearly. Still, in your cloudy mind, you had a lingering memory of something scandalous.

"What are you doing here?" You mumbled quietly to Neteyam, your speech slurring a little bit. He looked down at you for a second before replying, "You are hurt, and you need help." You groaned again as if to prove his point and turned your face into his chest. "It's okay," he soothed in a low voice, "I will take care of you."

When you had made it to Ronal's tent, Neteyam set you down carefully on the mat. He stayed by your side while Aonung crouched on your other side. Ronal quickly set to work, pouring water over your sting and wiping away the bleeding. You hissed in pain as she inspected the gash in your side.

Grabbing Neteyam's arm tightly, you cried out through clenched teeth, "It burns." He ran a soothing hand over your forehead. "I know it does," he replied, trying to keep his voice calm for you and failing miserably. "You'll be okay." Your breathing was labored as you looked up at his with glassy eyes. "Every day, it burns," you murmured. "How can I stop it, Neteyam?"

Neteyam's heart ached. You weren't just talking about your sting. Your words were echoing what you had said the previous night. It had been weighing on Neteyam the whole day. He had been unable to shake your words from his mind, and he replayed the memory of kissing you over and over again. He would never forget the blissful moment you shared, but he could never forget the look of horror and heartbreak on your face when you had realized what you had done. It burned, indeed.

"What is she saying?" Aonung asked sharply, staring at Neteyam's longing face with suspicion. He looked up at him, pulled from his thoughts, and said dismissively, "She's hallucinating."

"I don't want to stop it," you whispered in a breathy voice. "I wish it could be real." Neteyam tensed at your words and prayed that you would stop talking in front of Ronal and Aonung. Ronal didn't seem to heed your babbling as she worked, but Aonung was looking back and forth between your face and Neteyam's.

"What is she saying?" Aonung repeated in a hard voice. Neteyam's voice felt stuck, and his silence was only made worse when you reached out your hand up from Neteyam's arm to trace his cheek gently with your fingers. He brought his hand up to hold yours and closed his eyes in guilt. There was no way he could justify this.

Ronal's working hands stilled as she witnessed him grabbing your hand, her eyes flashing to Neteyam and then to her son. Neteyam kept his eyes on your face, but he could feel Aonung's burning glare.

He was putting the pieces together. He had known for a while that you were good friends with Neteyam ever since he first came to the reef, but Aonung had never felt any reason to suspect anything else. Recently, though, he had noticed a shift in his friend’s behavior. He had inexplicably started avoiding your friend group, and it didn’t escape his notice the way that Neteyam had been much more reserved recently.

All this, Aonung would have ignored, but now, he reconsidered everything. He had noted how you had called for Neteyam in the water. He saw how you had reached out for him and how you wrapped your arms around him tightly. He noticed the defensive way that Neteyam held onto you, refusing to let go. Now, hearing your mutterings and seeing you reach out for Neteyam, Aonung felt anger bubble in his chest.

"What did you do?" He seethed. Neteyam looked up at him and held up his free hand. "Aonung, please, I can expl—" Aonung shot up quickly and repeated in a harsh voice, "What did you do?!"

The tension was palpable in the silence. "Take this outside," Ronal ordered sharply, and Neteyam could feel the tsahik's anger in her voice. He got up slowly, dropping your hand. You whimpered as he pulled away from you. "No," you pleaded softly. "Stay." Neteyam could see that your words made Aonung even angrier, so he got up and darted out of the tent, closely followed by the other boy.

Outside, the young Metkayina warrior shoved Neteyam's shoulder. "What was that?" Aonung demanded, his chest heaving in anger. Neteyam held up his hands as a pacifying gesture. "Please, let's just—"

"Did you mate with her?" Aonung cut him off furiously. His forwardness caught Neteyam a little off-guard, and his denial seemed to be stuck in his throat. Just then, Kiri, Tsireya, and Lo'ak came around after hearing that you were injured, and Neteyam groaned internally. Having an audience would make this so much worse.

"Did you?" Aonung pressed, ignoring the others. Turning his focus away from his siblings, Neteyam replied, "No, I would never dishonor you like that." Tsireya looked questioningly between him and her brother. "What is going on?" She asked in confusion.

Aonung ignored his sister. "But you want to," he accused Neteyam. Already uncomfortable with having his family present, he stepped towards Aonung. "Let's talk about this alone," he said in a low voice. The other young warrior shoved him back. "Why?" He demanded. "Because it's true? You want her?"

Kiri took in a sharp breath, and Neteyam heard his brother curse loudly. Neteyam felt trapped. "My friend, please," he implored quietly. Aonung scoffed. "You are no friend of mine," he spat in a loud voice. "How long have you been sneaking around behind my back?"

As if things couldn't get any worse, Jake, Neytiri, and Tonowari came up behind their children, alarmed by the shouting. "What is the meaning of this?" The Olo'eyktan demanded to know. Pointing an accusatory finger at Neteyam, Aonung replied, "He has fallen in love with the woman intended for me."

There was a short, stunned silence, and Neteyam saw the look of disappointed frustration on his father's face. "Is this true?" Tonowari inquired severely. Neteyam hesitated for a moment, but he quickly realized he was in too deep to deny anything. "Yes," he admitted quietly.

Everyone present reacted differently. Aonung looked ready to kill Neteyam, Tsireya gasped softly, and Kiri put her face in her hand. Lo'ak looked half-impressed while Neytiri closed her eyes and began muttering under her breath either prayers or profanities. Tonowari and Jake exchanged uneasy glances and shifted uncomfortably.

"Do not blame her," Neteyam continued insistently. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have—," Jake raised his hand, cutting off his son. "Stop talking," he said harshly. Neteyam remained obediently silent while Jake ran a frustrated hand over his face. "Did you two...?"

Neteyam shook his head hastily. "No," he stated. "We are not bonded." A small sigh of relief came from both of his parents before Neytiri stepped forward toward her son. "I never expected this from you," she said in a low, harsh whisper. "You have brought shame upon yourself, upon this family."

Neteyam stood quietly as his mother began her rant. He knew this was coming, and it hurt just as much as he expected it to. Disappointing his parents was the worst feeling for him, and now he was getting the scolding of a lifetime in front of the rest of his family as well as the chief's.

Ronal stepped out of the tent just then, looking extremely displeased, and everybody turned to her expectantly. "She is asleep," the tsahik explained. "Her body will burn away the venom in time." Neteyam breathed a quick sigh of relief, but he was quickly filled with the apprehension of having to face Ronal's fury.

She pointed her glare at him. "Now, what is going on with you?" She asked in a displeased voice. Aonung stepped forward before Neteyam could respond and interjected, "He is in love with her." Ronal turned sharply to face Neteyam, and her scathing glare deepened. "We bring you into our home," she began in a slow, seething voice, "show you our ways, offer protection, and you return it by blatantly disrespecting us, my son, by trying to enamor his intended mate?"

Neteyam shook his head again. "No," he insisted, working hard to maintain a composed voice. "That was never my intention." Ronal look away from him and back at the healing tent. "And what about her?" She asked, gesturing to where you were sleeping. "Does she return your affections?"

Neteyam hesitated, not wanting to bring you into the mess of trouble he was already in. "I cannot speak for her," he said finally. Aonung scoffed at his words. "You heard what she was saying," he told his mother. "Of course she does."

Neteyam didn't say anything—there was no point. Jake stepped up to him, his face hardened in aggravation. "I told you to back off," he reminded harshly in English. "I said not to cause trouble." Neteyam nodded solemnly and muttered, "I know."

Jake huffed an exasperated sigh. "I'll take care of this," he muttered to Tonowari. Neteyam closed his eyes in shame. This was exactly the thing he was trying to avoid in leaving you alone. Now, he was in for a long night of listening to his parents berate him for hours.

Ronal scoffed. "We cannot allow this," she stated in outrage. "Your son has dishonored our son. He cannot go unpunished." Jake held up a reassuring hand. "Believe me, he will be dealt with," he told her earnestly.

"And how do you suppose he is to be punished?" She shot back. "He cannot be allowed anywhere near her again." Neytiri took a heated step towards Ronal. "You cannot exile my son," she asserted angrily. The tsahik glared at her. "Perhaps that would be the best solution," she countered in a haughty voice.

The two sets of parents all began arguing over each other. Neteyam watched in silent guilt. All of this fighting and contempt stemmed from him falling for you. He should have been more careful. He never should have taken you flying. He never should have danced with you. He knew better than that, but he couldn't help himself. He had wanted to thrill you, please you, any way he could, but now, his indiscretion had caused this dispute between his family and Aonung's.

While Neteyam was dwelling on his guilt, Aonung was glaring at him in resentment.

In the time that the Sullys had been in the reef, Aonung had gone from viewing Neteyam as a rival to seeing him as one of his closest friends. He had taught him the ways of the Metkayina. They had hunted together. They killed the akula together. And it was true that Aonung had no romantic feelings toward you, but he still held great respect for you and thought of you as his future tsahik with satisfaction.

Now, everything was changing. It was one thing for you not to feel anything romantically toward him, but it was something else entirely for you to be in love with someone else, especially when that someone else was in love with you. These bitter thoughts swirled in his mind until his voice finally called out above the bickering parents.

"I call for First Blood."

Everyone froze.

The Rite of First Blood was a dangerous and rarely used rite amongst the Na'vi that is only invoked in the most serious of disagreements. When someone called for First Blood with another, they fought in close combat until one of the participants drew blood from their opponent. The victor's conditions were binding and unimpeachable. What made it dangerous was that there were no stipulations other than requiring blood to be drawn, so the victor could go as far as mortally wounding their opponent if they so chose.

"Aonung, are you sure?" Ronal questioned after recovering from her stunned silence. Even she was startled by her son's call for such a serious matter. Aonung held a level glare at Neteyam as he replied firmly, "Yes."

Ronal shot her mate a reluctant look. "Very well," Tonowari conceded after a moment. "What are your conditions?" Everybody stared at Aonung, waiting expectantly to hear what he would demand if he was the victor. "If I win," he began slowly, staring at Neteyam. "You will leave the reef and never come back."

Immediate protestations arose from each of the Sullys except Neteyam, who silently held Aonung's glare with his own level gaze. "Silence!" Tonowari roared, cutting off the forest family sharply. Aonung continued as though he hadn't been cut off, "And I will be with the woman I am betrothed to."

All eyes were on Neteyam for his reaction, but he remained still, face impassive. "I accept," he responded evenly.

"Neteyam," Tonowari addressed. "What are your conditions?" He didn't respond for a second, thinking carefully about what to say, and Aonung scoffed. "We already know," he huffed. "If you win, she is yours."

"No," Neteyam replied resolutely.

Everybody blinked in surprise and exchanged uneasy glances. He took a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. "She has already had so many decisions made for her," he explained slowly, shooting a look at Ronal's scowling face. "She deserves to have a choice for once in her life."

He looked back over at Tonowari. "That is my condition," he said decidedly. "If I win, she chooses if she wants to be tsakarem. If so, then she will continue her duties without reprimand, but if not, then she can renounce her title honorably, without shame, and without fear of retribution."

Ronal hissed in anger, but Neteyam was waiting for Aonung's reaction expectantly. The young Metkayina warrior nodded slowly and stated, "I accept." Tonowari was not pleased in the slightest about the arrangement, but he nodded gravely. "The Rite of First Blood shall take place at high noon tomorrow," he confirmed before turning to Jake.

"I suggest you keep your son away from here until then," he muttered in a low voice to him, but Neteyam could still hear him. Jake was glaring at his son as he responded, "Believe me, he won't leave my sight." Neteyam's stomach sank at the reality of having to face his parents' wrath for the rest of the night until noon. All he wanted was to see you and make sure you were alright, but there was absolutely no way anybody was going to let that happen now.

The good thing was that you were actually alright. You slept for a few hours before you began to stir again. Strange dreams and voices in your head made your sleep turbulent, so it was a relief to open your eyes again. Through your hazy vision, you could see a person sitting next to you, wiping the sweat off of your forehead.

You tried to say something, but your voice felt stuck, and all that came out was a quiet groan. "It's okay," a soft voice whispered. "You are still fighting off the venom." You blinked several times before your sight focused, and you were able to see who it was.

Tsireya's face was full of concern as she gazed down at you sadly. You mumbled her name, and she ran her hand over your hair comfortingly. "What happened?" you asked, your voice rough as a result of a dry throat.

She didn't respond, instead reaching for a bowl of fresh water for you to drink. She held your head up as you took a few eager gulps of it before laying you back down gently. "What happened?" you repeated, sounding clearer now that you had slaked your thirst.

"What do you remember?" Tsireya asked instead, taking the bowl back from your hand. You thought back, the memory of the viper ray flashing in your mind. "I remember getting stung," you began slowly. "I remember finding Aonung and Neteyam." You paused as the memory of Neteyam's arms carrying you replayed in your head. "That's about it," you finished quietly.

Tsireya studied your face for a moment. "Neteyam brought you back here," she explained nervously. "But you started saying strange things." Your face scrunched in confusion. "What kind of things?" You asked. Tsireya hesitated. "I am not sure," she confessed. "But Aonung—," she hesitated for a moment. "Aonung thinks that you are in love with Neteyam."

You blanched. Your mouth opened and shut, but no words came out. You were entirely unprepared for this accusation and could not think of how to defend yourself.

"It is true, isn't it?" She asked quietly. Your mind was reeling, and you were trying to think of something to say, but there was no way for you to justify what you had done. Your heart started pounding, and you began taking uneasy breaths. "Breathe," she implored, taking your hand comfortingly. Her touch helped ground you, and you tried your best to regain your composure.

"Tsireya," you began, "I— I never meant for anything to happen. I never meant to betray your brother." You could see the sadness and sympathy she had for you on her face. "I do not blame you," she told you gently, but you could see that she was torn. "But Aonung is very angry, as is my mother."

You closed your eyes, feeling the bitter sting of knowing you've disappointed the very people you sought to impress. "What did they have to say?" You questioned, not sure you wanted to hear the answer. Tsireya hesitated a moment before answering.

"Aonung has called for the Rite of First Blood with Neteyam."

Your blood ran cold. You immediately propped yourself upright, but you still felt weak from the venom, and your arms buckled. "What?" You whispered, horrified. Tsireya pressed gently on your shoulders to get you to lie back down before she nodded reluctantly. "It has been set for noon tomorrow," she explained.

You stared up at her face, mortified by what she had said. "What are the conditions?" You managed to whisper finally. She took your hand again, and you braced yourself for whatever she was going to say.

"Aonung's conditions are that Neteyam must leave the reef forever," she stated quietly. Your stomach twisted at her words. You closed your eyes and squeezed her hand. This couldn't be happening. It was just yesterday that you had been wrapped in his arms. You had run away out of guilt, but now the very real possibility of never seeing him again made your chest tighten with fear.

"And Neteyam's?" You whispered, trying your best to remain calm. Tsireya sighed. "If Neteyam is the victor, then you are free to leave your duties as tsakarem if you so choose," she explained.

You blinked. "What?" You questioned, unable to process what she just said. "Neteyam said you should be able to choose whether you want to keep training to be tsahik or not," she repeated. "He also says that you will not face any repercussions for your choice, whatever it may be."

You stared up at Tsireya for a moment, completely stunned. Then, you felt your throat tighten as tears gathered in your eyes. It all hit you so suddenly, you couldn't help but let them fall.

He was fighting for you. And not only to be with you, but to give you the opportunity to decide for yourself what you wanted to do with your life. It was so selfless and considerate. Nobody had ever given you that before.

Tsireya ran her free hand over your forehead again, a look of distress on her face. "I did not know you were so unhappy," she said mournfully. "I wish you would have told me." You shook your head as you took ragged breaths to calm yourself. "I could not," you whispered in a hoarse voice. "Your mother is my mentor, and I am betrothed to your brother. To tell you would mean you would need to keep secrets from both."

She didn't say anything as you took another breath to calm yourself. What you had said made sense, but it didn't make her feel any better knowing that you had been hiding your misery from her.

"I need to speak to him," you said at last, moving to prop yourself up again. Tsireya's eyes widened, and she shook her head vigorously. "No," she replied quickly. "My mother would be furious." You sat upright, the sting on your ribs burning as you moved. She must have seen how you winced because she pushed you back down and said, "You need to stay and rest. You are not fit to move around."

You didn't fight her, but you weren't giving up. "Please, let me see him," you begged. "This is all my fault. I need to talk to him, and I won't be able to tomorrow." She sighed regretfully. "I can't let you do that," she said. "Even if you were well enough, Neteyam's parents will not let him leave their home. Lo'ak said that they are very upset with him as well."

You closed your eyes remorsefully. You hadn't even thought about what his parents would think about a situation like this. You remembered Lo'ak's words to you just a few days prior. If this gets out, Neteyam would be in more trouble than I've ever been in. How had it all gone wrong so quickly?

"The best thing you can do is try to get some rest," Tsireya told you gently. "Especially if you want to be there for the Rite tomorrow." With your eyes still closed, you let out a defeated sigh and nodded. You weren't going to win this argument with her, and since you were already in a heap of trouble as it was, you decided not to press the issue.

Still, sleep was the last thing on your mind. A torrent of thoughts whirled in your head. There were no way you could rest when the possibility of losing Neteyam was looming over you. If he lost, then not only would he have to leave, but you knew that the rest of his family would go with him. After all that they went through to acclimate to the reef, they would be forced to pack up their lives again.

With your thoughts, you were resolved to see Neteyam, consequences be damned. Tsireya had left after about an hour, and it was late enough that most people would be preparing to go to sleep right now.

You sat up slowly, trying not to irritate the sting in your ribs. Standing up, you felt a little dizzy, but it passed after a couple of seconds. Carefully, you stepped out of the tent. You checked that there was no one around before moving quietly down to the beach. You waded into waist deep water before softly calling out to an ilu.

You felt too weak to swim out on your own, so you decided that having an ilu to help was in your best interest. It would also allow you to keep your sting clean and dry. When one of the ilus answered your call, you attached your queue and slowly made your way to the Sullys.

As you came around to where the Sullys lived, you were relieved by the sight before you. Neteyam was sitting at the edge of his home out above the water, an arm resting on his knee while his other leg dangled over the water. He was staring up at the night sky. You had often seen him there, gazing up at the bright stars littering the sky, and you had hoped that he would be out there tonight as well.

With his gaze turned upwards, he didn't see you approaching slowly in the water. You glanced around to ensure nobody was nearby to see or hear you. You noticed that his pod was dark and quiet, indicating that everyone had gone to sleep, so you called his name out softly.

He must have heard you because his head snapped down and fixated on your form in the water. When he recognized you, he immediately turned to look behind him and check that none of his family had heard too. "What are you doing?" He whispered in alarm. "Why are you not resting?"

"I wanted to see you," you whispered back. "Can you come down?" He glanced back over his should for a moment before turning back to face you. "The beach," he said softly.

It was all he needed to say in order for you to understand. You nodded before turning your ilu in the water and swimming back toward the beach. As you stepped out onto the wet sand, he was walking stealthily across the suspended walkways toward you. Leaping down onto the sand, he quickly crossed over to you with a concerned face.

"What are you doing here?" He asked quietly, bringing his hands up to hold your shoulders carefully. "You should be resting, healing." You shook your head as you looked up at him. "I could not rest after what Tsireya told me," you replied quickly.

Raising your own hands, you held his arms by the crook of his elbow. "Is it true? Has Aonung challenged you to First Blood?" You questioned, already knowing in your heart it was true. He let out a small sigh, looking down at you in regret.

"It is," he confirmed in a whisper. "We fight at noon." You closed your eyes and took a deep breath to calm yourself. "And the conditions?" You continued. "Tsireya said that if Aonung wins, you...," you trailed off, unable to speak anymore.

"I must leave the reef," he finished for you solemnly. You clenched your jaw in an effort to keep from tearing up. "But if I am the victor," he continued softly, "you will be free to choose the life you want. Whether you remain as the tsakarem or not, the choice will be yours with no consequences."

Your throat tightened at his words, and tears filled your eyes. Nobody had ever advocated for you to have a say in your own life. Ever since you could remember, things had always been arranged for you, and you had been too young to know what you actually wanted. Now, you had something that you wanted, and Neteyam was going to fight with everything in him for you to have it.

You shook your head sadly, looking down from his face. "You shouldn't have to do this," you sighed, squeezing his arms in concern. There was a small pause between you before his hands moved up from your shoulders to hold your face, making you look right up at him. His face softened, and his eyes moved back and forth between yours as he shook his head slowly.

"I would do anything for you."

Your breath faltered at his words, and you leaned into his touch with closed eyes. “I was so worried for you,” he continued softly. “I know what you said last night, but when I saw you in the water, I—,” he paused, his thumbs brushing against your cheeks.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he said finally, “but I can’t bear being away from you anymore. When I saw an opportunity to be with you, I couldn’t turn it aside.” The corner of his mouth turned upward before he added softly, “If you will have me, that is.”

His voice was so gentle and sincere, and he looked almost nervous waiting for your reply. You couldn't think of anything to say that fully encapsulated how you felt, so you stepped forward and pressed your lips against his.

Neteyam still held your face as he kissed you gently. You leaned into him, savoring the feeling of his soft lips against yours. He pulled away after what felt like too short a time, a faint smile on his face.

"I will have you," you whispered to him, the corners of your mouth tugging upward. You looked up at him, his face inches from yours. "But you better win.” His own smile widened in amusement. "I will," he promised, lowering his forehead to rest against yours. "I'm not going to stay away from you anymore."

You closed your eyes and relished the moment of peace between you. For a second, you were able to forget about the guilt and worry you were feeling about everything and imagined the life you could have with Neteyam, the life you wanted so bad, it hurt.

He pulled you back into another soft kiss. His hands left your face to wrap around your torso and wander up your back, exploring as much of your skin as possible. His touch left you breathless, and you eagerly pulled him as close to you as possible.

You could feel how much he wanted you, but he eventually pulled away from your lips, his eyes closed as he moved away. "I need to go," he whispered quietly, his forehead resting against yours. "My parents will know I've gone."

The reality of the situation returned, and you felt all the fear and anxiety of everything stirring in your chest. You sighed regretfully, not wanting to let him go. Neteyam must have sensed your apprehensions because his hands pulled you into a tight embrace, and he whispered in your ear, "It will be alright."

You buried your face in his neck and repeated the words in your mind, but it was difficult to believe when so much was on the line. It was cruel that this was only the first time you had let yourself hold him like this, and if Aonung won the next day, this may very well be the last time, too.

Gently, he pulled away from you. You let your arms slide off his shoulders, unable to meet his eyes. There was a moment of silence between you, neither of you wanting to leave the other. Finally, he sighed, raised a hand up to your head, and brought his lips against your forehead. You closed your eyes and tried to hold onto the moment while it lasted.

"It will be alright," he murmured against your skin. You nodded faintly. "It will be alright," you echoed. You looked up at him, and he had a small smile on his face. "I will see you tomorrow," he said at last as he began stepping backward toward his home. You could only nod as he moved away. Watching him go, you wrapped your arms around yourself and repeated his words over and over again in your mind.

It will be alright.

Chapter 6

_________

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[sabrondabrainrot]

🌞Sun isn't self-sacrificing 🌞

Let's talk about that.

Guess whom is back on her copium? This lady. Anyways, time for more rambles and brainrot.

Disclaimer: This is going to contain spoilers from tsbs, tsams, laes etc. but I'm keeping it pretty generic and vague. Just being polite and covering bases.

To begin with, Sun has shown some self sacrificing tendencies but what matters with a self sacrifice is intent. Our Sun in the show has not intended to die for another person. At least, the current lore Sun won't. I get the vibes Sun actually understands that everyone loves him and he wants to live and be with them.

Sun suffers from extreme self esteem issues. He's ok with grinding himself away to nothing if it means helping others, especially his family. He spent a majority of his life being terrorized and guilted by someone he loved with no real end in sight. On top of that, he was made to feel useless and stupid so he has a hard to recognizes he's already doing enough just by being.

Adding to this, just because he doesn't value himself that much doesn't mean he wants to die. At his lowest, Yes, he wished he was dead, but that doesn't mean he wants to die. Sun has a lot of life in him and a lot of love to give. When he's not being tortured Sun loves living.

When you think of someone who loves living with his family, it's hard to imagine they'd so easily die for them. We have to look at Sun's actions and words. My biggest example of this instance is the first time he planned to use Star Power to protect NM/Nexus, he didn't plan to die. He knew he might get hurt but he told NM/Nexus he wasn't aiming to sacrifice himself. He was trying to actually keep NM from sacrificing himself, like Old Moon. It's so funny how circular the argument in that moment actually was.

It's a similar situation to when he went rogue and wanted to kill the 2nd Eclipse. He told Old Moon "Screw being a hero!" To me, this communicates he isn't trying to do the heroic sacrifice or anything similar. He was labeled a bad guy by Lunar in their argument and decided to just lean into that "villain persona". This also plays into the fact heroes go out of their way to save lives but Sun is explicitly out to take a life. Now for a clever segway, the reason why I see Sun as not self-sacrificing is because he knows what he has to lose and he knows how it feels to lose everything. Old Moon made him feel that loss. Just the same as Old Moon taught him how to feel pain.

Sun's one of the gentlest and kindest people in the TSBS shows and that's due to him not ever wanting to make other feel the awful things he's felt. Most of his actions in the show are how he typically would want himself to be treated (Dark Sun waves in the background).

Just to add, Solar is SO similar to Sun. It's honestly so funny. He works so hard and ALSO grinds himself down to the bone just to be a bit helpful to the people he loves. He also felt the loss of a loved one's sacrifice and had to kill someone to defend himself. (IE Sun killing BloodMoon and Solar killing his Moon) He even shares a similar self esteem issue with Sun!

They're just two peas in pod, I love it.

I was planning to come in with a bunch of examples of character who ALSO have the self sacrificing tendency who aren't actually self sacrificing but I'm tired from a long sucky Monday so I'm gonna schedule post this and do my self sacrificer propaganda later.

But yeah, if Sun does die it probably won't be from a sacrifice. Even though most Sun's have a history of dying for others or being murdered early. I think it's so sad Sun's get boiled down to nothing but a sacrificial lamb to many Moon's bloodlust. Or they live long enough to be the plaything of a bigger/greater evil then Moon. looks at Servant Sun.

[fuckmeyer]

having Edward be the one to change Bella isn't "childish" or "irrational," just as her request for sex later on in Eclipse isn't "unreasonable." to Bella, these acts are proof that Edward chooses to be with her forever.

sadly, Edward rejects her at every turn, be it her attempts at autonomy, her admissions of love, her desire to become a vampire, or any physical advances she makes beyond a kiss. her low self esteem & her fear of abandonment permits this mistreatment. between this & Edward's crushing guilt/self-loathing, they never allow themselves to heal their trauma from New Moon. so, when she says she's not ready to commit— to marry him & become a vampire— it's really because she's afraid he's not committed.

Bella being the child of divorced parents gives her good reason to deny his proposal. but she's also quick to note that "a delay [in the change] was what he was clearly after." marriage is already akin to a broken promise in Bella's world, & in this instance, marriage is another bargaining chip to keep her human.

say he backs out? if he doesn't agree to turn her, she'll be dead in a year. he can promise to hold his end of the deal, but she can never forget that Edward the self-proclaimed "good liar" weaponized his lies to convince her he never loved her. today, Edward says he wants to be with her. what about tomorrow? his actions— his refusal to change her— tell her there is no tomorrow. so, why get married? a commitment ceremony is worthless without commitment. & if Edward isn't committed, she may as well be dead.

ultimately, instead of candidly discussing their feelings & reservations, they gamble with their principles & insecurities hoping for a big payoff: validation from the other. Bella marches down the aisle, Edward carries her to bed, & now all their problems are solved.

but are they?

[beevean]

Honestly I feel that if someone were to face Guts about all the shit he's done as the Black Swordsman he'd probably just...grimly accept it and move on

He wouldn't be consumed by guilt and begging for forgiveness, he'd just accept that he did what he did while also insisting that he has no intention of just getting stuck in his past actions or, I dunno, do jail time.

That's not necessarily because Guts feels no guilt about his past transgressions (his whole "weaklings who can't defend themselves" mentality was just a rationalization to protect his conscience from guilt, he felt awful about the priest and his daughter and about Vargas, not to mention the kids of Misty Valley), it's just that, as he tells Casca during his breakdown, he has killed so many people due to his life style that it's easy for him to just stop thinking about it after a while. Even back in Golden Age: he's traumatized after accidentally killing Adonis, a few days later however he's already gotten over it

It's both a result of Guts being accustomed to killing people since he was a child and also due to Guts' philosophy about always moving forward and living life how you want to no matter what, whose only obstacle is Griffith.

Remember: the deciding factor for him to abandon his path of revenge was just Casca being in danger, not him realizing he was ruining people's lives and needed to stop. In the end the Beast of Darkness can be viewed as a form of retribution: it was born due to the Eclipse but it only got as strong as it is due to Guts living such a hate filled bloody life as the Black Swordsman, and if he thinks he can just walk away from that with no repercussions then the Beast is there to remind him of what he used to be. It threatening to kill his new friends is Guts having to come to terms with the monster he had allowed himself to become, except now the target is not just apostles with a bunch of nameless civilians in the way that he can cause the deaths of while having a detatched attitude about it,the target is now his family, every time he dons the Armor Guts gets to experience what it feels like to have the Black Swordsman come in and kill your loved ones while in a blind rage

Now if CASCA were to confront him about what he's done during those years...I feel that would be a much different story...

I can't add much.

At the end of the day, Guts is a child soldier. He was trained to kill, and to kill for trifling reasons like money. While he has a soft spot for children, which is why the entire ordeal with Rosine was so harrowing for him (and while he stopped torturing himself over Adonis quickly, killing him still left an impact on him, not helped by hearing Griffith accidentally dismissing Guts as a friend), death as a whole has no meaning on him. He's used to being hated, which is probably why he has already forgotten about the trauma he left on Theresia.

It's interesting to think Guts and Griffith share a similar "no point in looking back, the only way is forward" mentality, but for different reasons: Griffith has tunnel vision, and he's projected towards the future (he's a pretty skilled manipulator and plotter for a reason), while Guts lives in the present, day by day.

I think his way of thinking can be seen when Farnese pledges her alliance to him, and he says "eh, I killed some of your men, we're even, do what you want", matter-of-factly... while inside he's much more tortured inside over what he has just done to Casca, which is the real reason he's even entertaining changing his lifestyle and travelling with the people he has both hurt and helped.

[vuldak-juneau]

Who: @heroic-ignus Where: Stumble Inn When: Directly after the Mystery Box event, just as soon as she could get home.

The events of the Mystery Box had been draining, even for Juneau who often held sorrow in the palms of her hands as if it were something to protect, as if it were her closest friend. Sorrow was something she found reliable–no matter how those around her abandoned her or disappeared sorrow was always there like a soft, deep blue landing space. Sorrow permeated her so deeply at times she thought it ought to be considered one of her personality traits, though she knew since her mortal death and abyssal rebirth this sorrow manifested as resentment and anger more often than not. The sadness that entered her tended to be repurposed as cruelty and cynicism, but watching the others suffer at her side inside of the–well, wherever they had been–didn’t inspire much spiteful behavior. It just made her open herself up to more misery.

The openness might have been her salvation. The option to leave Juneau behind to a fate of death or entrapment had presented itself to them more than once, and she wasn’t sure if she would have blamed them for leaving her. Especially Elokian toward the end, who knew how she had suffered but had still been at the receiving end of her critical comments. Her trial had been illuminating, forcing her eyes to gaze upon the reality of what she was and the circumstances that had led her here. And then–the time alone, underground… those long days, mostly spent in total, eclipsing darkness. Things as small as the dripping condensation and the slightest tremors underfoot had caused her extreme agitation. Her terror-filled dreams had become indistinguishable from the waking nightmares of her hallucinations, and she had no idea how often she had actually slept. She didn’t know how long she had been down there either–just that it had been long. And when the rest of the group found her, their whispers landed with the volume of screams, their eager gentle embraces and soft touches were so overly stimulating after the isolation that it burned when they touched her. They had passed her between a few people, she thought she remembered, murmuring their relief to have found her in voices that she only half recognized–did they know that during those first few minutes, even the light of the moon and stars overhead was enough that it blinded her? But as raucous as it was to her after such a long period of disuse of many of her senses, it was as soothing to be with them as it was overwhelming. 

But now, it seemed her fate would be to go home–or whatever approximation of home she had. In this case, that would be Alder. Another person, rather than a place. A person who had known the truth of Ivar’s actions and had tried to explain to Juneau the truth of the matter that she now had no choice but to accept. Once, when Juneau had been helping Ivar smuggle a faiman philosopher to the Lysaran border the faiman had spoken with her about their current fixation, the concept that “hell is other people”. Juneau felt this now–she felt proof of this could be found in how the deepest traumas she had witnessed of the others were brought forth by the hands of those that, in most cases, she loved the most. Ivar was proof positive of this, in his cruel indifference to his death that sealed the fate of her descent and damnation. And so, too, was Alder in this moment–he was the only person she could conceivably think to look to for comfort at the present moment, but that comfort would come with the necessary acknowledgment that he had been right all along. It wasn’t that Juneau expected he would rub her nose in it or hold it against her, but she would carry the guilt of how she had lashed out against him when he tried to move her to see reason. 

Juneau wished now that she would have been more forthright with Alder about where she was disappearing off to for a few days.  She had told him that she would be staying with Jamie on the other side of Eterna, as she often did a few days of the week knowing he likely wouldn’t question it as it was a cemented part of her listless routine. Now, knowing she couldn’t say much about the Mystery Box, she regret that prior choice. How was she supposed to seek his guidance when she couldn’t express to him what it was that disturbed her? She was still skittish and affected by her time under the mountain so it took her longer than it normally would to lift her hand to knock on the door to the room at the inn. The hesitation likely didn’t amount to much consequence, she was certain he would know she was there by now, the way she could sense him when he was close enough or Lor and her pack when they were nearby in the forest. 

Whether Alder opened the door because she had an opportunity to finally get around to knocking or because he could intuit he was there, she didn’t offer him much else in the way of greeting other than her signature, kicked-puppy half-moon eyes lifted to meet his and an expression that told him, like most days, she was going through it. But in this case, it looked like what weighed on her mind was a bit worse than normal.

[fyngrot]

ga'hoole fics masterpost

links to various ga'hoole fics i've written under the cut, includes published + WIP

i will always be here

-WC: 3,158

-status: complete

-summary: coryn is troubled by a great many things, and after reading the legends of hoole, one passage in particular causes him to question his reliance on his uncle—his main support in these new and confusing times. soren, of course, has a solution.

-notes: reread to be a king and thought a lot about that part where grank asks hoole not to call him "uncle", and how coryn would probably freak out a little (a lot) over that after projecting it onto his own situation. i personally hc that soren formally becomes an adoptive father to coryn so this is an exploration of that!

who i am today

-WC: 2,296

-status: complete

-summary: soren, while getting to know his nephew, discusses regrets of the past with coryn—as they prepare to turn towards the future.

-notes: basically just my take on why soren and eglantine weren't directly involved in the events of the hatchling/outcast, the guilt soren feels for not taking action, and resulting emotional moment between soren and coryn. owl family lives rent free in my mind

none but the forge

-WC: 618

-status: complete

-summary: a rogue smith is meant to be alone. gwyndor is no exception.

-notes: i love gwyndor and i love the depth gwynneth's existence in wotb adds to his character. what's his deal? how did he become a rogue smith? how did gwynneth I die? why'd he basically abandon his daughter with thora? just a short little headcanon backstory that answers these questions and explores gwyndor's emotional baggage.

blood moon lullaby (AU series)

WIP lutta lives AU turned alternate ending to ga'hoole. after a meeting with the spirit of hoole himself, coryn learns of great danger to come. the key to protecting owlkind lies within a hidden fourth volume of the legends, detailing the survival of lutta and diving further into her history, including her youth alongside her 'sister', kreeth's final creation. once he learns the rest of her story, the ancient spirit of lutta awakens to guide coryn, but she is not the only one who returns...

this AU is a huge passion project of mine since i'm a firm believer that lutta deserved a much better ending than she got! it involves an expansion on lutta's character arc and dynamics with other characters, canon-based original character, recharacterization of hagsfiends and their role in the plot (no more of that inherently evil bs), in-depth exploration of coryn and nyra's hagsfiend ancestry, and a completely new ending to ga'hoole itself.

there are/will be 4 fics in this series but only one is published thus far. progress is pretty slow but i'm always chipping away at it and hope to have more posted soon!

by the light of the ember (prologue)

-WC: 2,538

-status: complete

-summary: coryn has retrieved the ember of hoole—but with proof of his noble spirit comes the inheritance of an ancient legacy he has yet to understand. in a place where time’s flow stands still, a fated meeting with the first king himself reveals a great catastrophe to come.

of darkness and light (part 1)

-status: WIP

-summary: coryn is granted a vision by the ember that leads him to a hidden fourth tome of legends.

struck down by strix strumajen, lutta is severely wounded—wounded, but alive. managing to escape, she tends to her injuries as nothing more than an outcast. rejected by owlkind, yet disavowing the brutal ways of hagsfiends, she turns towards the only other living being she believes would understand—kreeth’s final ‘experiment’—and in the process uncovers a part of her past she thought she left behind. but when things don’t go just as she had hoped, and the threat of a new battle looms on the horizon, she is thrown into a conflict she never wished to happen as she struggles to prove that she is more than she seems.

in the shadow of the eclipse (part 2)

-status: WIP

-summary: lutta's spirit has awakened in the present, and now coryn and lutta face a threat all too familiar to both of them. with war imminent, hagsfiends on the verge of revival, and nachtmagen seeping back into the world, they must prevent the ember of hoole from falling into the wrong talons. or so they think- before coryn realizes what he must do to change the world for the better.

to dream of stars (epilogue)

-status: WIP

-summary: with the war of the ember's end, a new era for the owl kingdoms begins.

i can't summarize much else here without spoiling the whole ending rip

other WIPs

the blacksmith's collier

-status: WIP

-summary: soren finds himself drawn to one of the owls that helped bring his nephew to him, in a way he isn’t quite sure he’s ever felt before.

-notes: my beloved soren/gwyndor gay owl romance, full of loneliness, past regrets, and new beginnings!

to be a guardian

-status: WIP

-summary: coryn's arrival to the great tree has been heralded and rejoiced beyond his belief. but when the young king finds himself having trouble fitting in, soren thinks up a way to help.

-notes: it's always seemed that by becoming king, coryn just starts being considered a guardian by default. i think he would want to go through training and take the guardian oath just like any other owl, and soren would agree- thus i started writing something short yet emotional about it. it's almost finished but i don't know when i'll ACTUALLY finish it so... eventually

wolfspeak

-status: WIP

-summary: on a trip to the beyond together, gwyndor and soren chance upon someone unexpected.

-notes: more gwyndor/soren stuff! i think gwyndor would want to introduce soren to his daughter (gwynneth) eventually, but isn't sure how to go about it and keeps avoiding the topic. what better way to solve that problem than running into her by accident! takes place at the beginning of book 15, because i thought it would be cool to retell gwyndor hearing namara's howling, but with soren and gwynneth there. gwyndor and gwynneth both understanding what it means (which also showcases the similarities between them, distant as they are) while soren stands there looking confused as all hell is beautiful to me

more to come!

[swallowerofdharma]

What Guts is for Griffith

a dispassionate analysis written for a better understanding of both characters and of Berserk

Part 7: Only warmth covers and protects me from this world

A recurring theme in Berserk is “hopeless suffering”, as Godot the blacksmith calls it, nourished by fear or the regret for losing something irreplaceable, especially if suddenly and senselessly. When man answers his fear or his suffering with revenge, violence and war, and only relies on the sword, he ends up adding more fuel for it, but what is the counterpart, where does hope reside? Casca thought about Griffith: “You were the one… who gave me the sword and the blanket”. A sword alone wouldn’t have meant anything to Casca without the warmth, without hope: “But that was the real helping hand he extended to me. The fear didn’t vanish completely, but the feelings of guilt and regret faded… his magnificence… and the warmth of the blanket he gave me filled my heart”.

After two years of wandering around hunting apostles and looking for revenge, Guts, now the Black Swordsman, is being confronted by Godot’s words and Rickert’s actions: “Two years… plenty of time for a person to change. In the time I’ve gone on hating, Rickert’s done this… Funerals to accept the death of his comrades. He found a new way to live through that vigorous strength of his”. As readers, we enter the world of Berserk through the Black Swordsman arc, and then we’re shown the very origins of it, to understand what is behind it all and ultimately to walk the same path that Guts on: to find strength in another way to live, for vengeance isn’t it.

The night Guts is back to Godot’s mine, his sword is being repaired and he can’t sleep without one, he never did. He thinks that and then he looks at the fire (light, warmth) and remember Casca and Godot’s words: “You went alone. You were right beside those irreplaceable things… yet you couldn’t bear to immerse yourself together in sorrow with them. So instead you ran away so that your malice could burn within you”. Suddenly he understands that he made the same choice as Griffith during the eclipse. Griffith still had the band of the Hawk, and Casca and Guts, but he couldn’t deal with his immense pain and left them behind, causing the death and destruction that followed. But at this sudden realization, Guts is enraged once again and his train of thoughts has never been so close to Griffith’s one: “Fear, malice. I don’t know… possibly it’s both, but I can never atone for this dark flame! If I can’t atone, if I can’t escape all I can do is burn myself and my enemies with it”. That’s when behind him the Beast of Darkness makes an appearance as the manifestation of his own malice and his potential to be exactly like Griffith.

Considering Godot’s words another time, Guts thinks then back to the time he abandoned Casca, and the time before, when he abandoned the band of the Hawk to pursue “some dream”. The recurring image associated with that thought is that of that cold morning in early spring when he is walking away from the figure of a defeated Griffith kneeling alone in the snow. Thinking about people, about Casca and the days in the band of the Hawk, Guys realizes that: “I declared this war myself. But… but still what’s burning me ain’t just this black flame. The campfire from those days still burns in my chest. (…) What’ve I done? Did I… Again. Did I go and do it again? You mean… did I lose something before I even noticed it again? (…) No… not yet… the flame. It’s not yet blown out. Not yet! It’s not too late! This time I swear! I’ll never lose her again”.

In Guts’s internal monologue, “the campfire from those days”, from visually being represented as “the campfire of dreams” of the band of the Hawk, that warmed him for a bit, becomes an image the simple burning desire he felt around both Griffith and Casca and that he shared with her: it depicts the sexual connection between him and Casca and on one side Griffith’s back - as Guts’s burning desire was also the sting of ambition and competition he felt around him - and on the other Casca, two focal points - two “love interests” - that have now become opposed, because now following Griffith means fueling the black flame of hatred, revenge and malice, whereas choosing Casca is strengthening “this last feeble flame left to me”.

This feeling of warmth is one thing that even the most powerful or successful people in the world can’t go without. The queen of Midland didn’t take part in the scheme to assassinate Griffith because she was worried about nobility lineage or Charlotte, but to avenge Julius.

What was an affair born from the need to fight the cold of being alone in a foreign country, from meaningless “burning desire”, through “the warmth of the skin” became love, after all. In the same way, Guts and Casca’s sexual relationship stemmed not exclusively from sexual attraction and curiosity, but from a desperate need for comfort and the opportunity to offer it back. Miura managed to capture that sense of reciprocity between the two of them, and that’s in my opinion what makes this specific encounter special. Guts and Casca’s relationship is based on a friendship, a bond born from being comrades and strengthened from living through common experiences, sharing their position of looking at Griffith from a distance, feeling something preventing them from reaching him. Whereas Guts felt that he couldn’t approach Griffith directly because he hasn’t accomplished anything for himself yet, Casca’s sadness around Griffith hailed from the realization that he couldn’t or he didn’t know how to accept her attempt at comfort and her warmth. Acceptance of those things she offered came instead from Guts after his return, even after the reemergence of his traumatic experiences around affection, sexual touch and trust. There is undoubtedly a premise of love: “Not just being given to, maybe I can give something as well”. For Guts, it is undoubtedly a temporary relief in the turmoil of his complex and unresolved feelings around affection: “As I dozed off for some reason I recalled myself as a boy, rubbing in the medicine Gambino gave me”. As Griffith did with Casca, Gambino gave him the sword and a flimsy blanket. If Griffith had died during his imprisonment, Casca and Guts could have gone in the direction of falling in love with each other and nurturing the feeling through their physical and emotional connection. But in the circumstances that followed, they couldn’t commit fully to that path. What I appreciated about Berserk is that it doesn’t resolve romance in the usual simplistic ways that are too common in contemporary mainstream storytelling, especially between men and women, a kiss, lovemaking, a declaration. Sincere love isn’t something that just happens between attractive people, because mature love isn’t infatuation, nor desire, nor the premature phase of falling: being in love in itself isn’t a complete form of love, because love implies a choice that needs to be renewed and accepted from time to time as the circumstances change.

The talk about warmth is also particularly related to the king of Midland, “the king on his throne” who, through the feeling of being cold and alone, becomes dispossessed of his powers. The confrontation between the king and Griffith, in the chapter called The Fallen Hawk, is interesting because Griffith’s using his words against himself and the entire conversation reveals similar things about the king and Griffith: “What value is there in this world? Wars rage on and the people’s lives are lost like they were insects! After how many decades of war and tens of thousands of corpses, we’ve finally built a time of remembered peace, but only for an instance! On the underside, the monster named war is always seeking new blood, starting to brew itself anew! In the face of that monster, the will of one land’s king is powerless! The wisdom of one man is folly… and yet, I cannot cease being king! There’s no way I can stop!”.

Is Griffith talking about the king: “While you were born to the sword called the throne and held it… it was nothing more than a burden to you. You’ve done nothing more than not fail. How worthless…”, or about himself too? Griffith felt like he was born to something big, a dream he envisioned, a sword that he was able to wield but that brought upon destruction within the success, and the dream has become a burden. Those words, that will bring him a harsher punishment, are mostly directed at himself: “How worthless…” Griffith’s deliberately angering the king. The reason he is there in the first place is the same exact thing that the king put in words: “In this blood-stained, meaningless world, if there is one single ray of hope to be found… it is… warmth”.

After Guts’s departure, Griffith was left kneeling in the snow, defeated, alone and cold. Not being able to find a source of warmth in the band of the Hawk without Guts, Griffith finds himself outside Charlotte’s window. She welcomes him in her arms and she accidentally puts words to his feelings, out loud: “Nothing but frightening and sad things have happened. I’ve been so alone”. And Griffith respond to those words, because they are true for him too. “Take all the frightening and sad things and cast them into the fire”. Only the fire doesn’t warm him when he is confronted by two different things. One is the recollection of Guts’s words about how Griffith does cruel things in the pursue of the dream but he shouldn’t stop. And he can’t easily keep his feelings for Charlotte, even in the moment, separated from what brought him to her in the first place, the path to the dream. Griffith doesn’t know anymore if he is taking her for himself alone, for comfort, for warmth or if he is using his body/her body to pursue the dream, caught in the path to the dream again and unwillingly. And this brings to the second aspect of that night. Griffith couldn’t separate the act of taking Charlotte’s virginity from his own experience. A series of words used in connection with the night spent with Lord Gennon and his young age, as referenced by Casca “a boy in his innocence”, are evidence that that was his first sexual experience.

As opposed to the act with Charlotte, where there isn’t verbal consent but she nevertheless accepts him - from her or from the king, who calls her a “foolish frivolous girl” that behaved “with the rashness of some town girl”, there aren’t any accusations or perception of rape towards Griffith, and being seventeen makes her fully an adult in this context, so I see no reason to diminish her agency or her choices - the act with Gennon implied verbal consent and compensation, but was nevertheless implicitly rape in the imbalance of power, the age difference and Griffith’s mental state: it was certainly perceived like one by Griffith - and he uses the expression “and myself alone not to be unclean” (汚れずmeaning not dirty) where 汚 means dirty, polluted, disgraced, in connection with 汚れ (kegare) meaning uncleanness, disgrace, rape, defilement. When Charlotte falls blessedly asleep, he is still cold and in a whirlwind of complex emotions. When Guts revives his trauma, Casca is able to offer him the chance to verbalize it, be acknowledged and comforted. When she was much younger, she had offered the same to Griffith right after the night with Gennon, but he wasn’t able to accept her touch so soon after or to abandon his role of higher rank and being comforted by her. What’s more, his refusal to be pitied is tied to his pride and self worth, things that have been severely wounded by what just happened. Once again, even if, in response to Guts’s departure, this time with Charlotte he tried to take something for himself alone, he wasn’t able to find a meaningful connection or even enjoyment. Nevertheless he leaves something to her that can be seen as an attempt at tenderness, a sign of care and thoughtfulness that doesn’t align with the selfishness he has often been accused of. Together with returning the lodestone necklace as he promised, he leaves a sprig of fresh flowers that can be recognized as Leucojum vernum (大待雪草) and similar to snowdrops.

[annemissingshoe]

Some fact about my wh aus

Psychic & Esper:

-Sally and Julie are platonic soulmates, they both know that minus the platonic part. Sally likes to tease Julie about this.

- Sally likes using nicknames for people.

-PAE! Wally is shorter than og Wally, everyone else in his neighborhood is taller than him.

-Wally can still be seen talking to the ghost by himself even tho he shouldn't. Other Neighbors are sometimes worried for him.

-Sally likes teasing her other friends too, but she knows when to stop and what she shouldn't do.

-Julie doesn't like leaving her au after a couple of things happen while she was gone. As she feels like it's going to happen again or something worse.

-Julie isn't as talkative and happy as her used to be, because of an accident that happened a while ago.

Concealed/Eclipse:

-The entity that's possessing the puppets and likes to play games with them unfortunately those games consist of them inconveniencing the puppet by going around causing problems. The entity isn't evil or anything, she doesn't understand what is wrong with some of the things they have done, they are still learning that their actions have consequences weather they're the ones who have to deal with it or not.

-The entity has trouble seeing when they are possessing people but if they were to let whoever she possessing be in control then they would be able to see better to a certain extent not perfectly

-The entity likes possessing Sally the most because she is a star and gives off heat, so yeah the entity likes Sally because she is literally hot. Very cat coded.

-Concealed Julie isn't the only Julie the entity personally knows, well at least early on in the story. Her, we don't talk about her..

-The entity really likes Cotton Candy and Poppy because she is very soft, Poppy is a mother figure to the entity.

-The entity gets along with Wally and Poppy the most as it relates to Wally's struggles and understands him more than she understands the others, Poppy is very patient with them.

-The entity is more of a shadow person than something like a puppet. it also has paws and the toe pads work like heat pads.

-The entity has eaten toothpaste before, and also made Wally try it too.

-Eclipsed!Sally definitely does not stay put in their au and likes interacting with the multiverse

-Concealed!Sally has two forms

Altered Timeline

-Beta Julie wanted to get rid of Current Julie but she later grew to care about her to the point where she couldn't go through with her og plans and hurt her, Current Julie is like a sister to her now

-Beta!Poppy does find out about Beta!Julie's plans, and tries to convince her not to go through with it

Raison d'etre au

-Lacuna!Julie didn't immediately know if Poppy was alive but she did know there was a small chance that she survived, "the if you can't find the body that means they're still alive type of thing" and guess what she was right. Poppy manages to survive the whole thing and get away from there too.

-Poppy wouldn't like going back to their au; and honestly who can blame her for that. I mean I doubt that I would ever want to go back to the place where my friends died either.

-Lacuna!Julie on the other hand regularly visits the "graves" where her friends lay and telling them about the day events, she understands that they're all gone but a part of her still believes that they can hear her. Lacuna makes sure the neighbourhood isn't too overgrown.

-Poppy has survivor's guilt because of what happened to the neighborhood.

-Lacuna!Julie wears a veil cover, as it makes her feel comfortable and safe

-Both PAE!Julie and Eclipsed!Sally would get along with Lacuna

-Lacuna Is friends with Cyberspace Traveller Wally (he belongs to vintage_ocean_water on Tiktok); she has some other friends too, like glitch!Barnaby. (He belongs to @chocolategothwolfhorse)

-there is a multiverse Jonesy and Bea that Lacuna hangs out with sometimes, they think of her like a sister

-Lacuna's au can move from it is and go somewhere else, Lacuna can also lock off her au from the multiverse too.

-Inferno doesn’t remember anything about his past, only everything that happened sometime after she met Sunny.

-There some other characters I still to talk about on

Ascended Sally

-Ascended Sally only comes out at night and usually stays in the woods.

-She also has toe pads that work like heat pads but her entire body is burning hot so you will burn if she touches you, so don't let her near you. stay where she can't see you.

-Sally rip off Julie's arm in the beginning

-The others are trying to find a way to help Sally.

I will make another post like this eventually

[ghostlyhamburger]

Husband Watches Miraculous: Shanghai Special

OK so we don't have an ultra long intro this time. Maybe that extra five minutes will be put towards plot!

That wristband. That's Wayzz. Oh no it's a dragon charm.

I called it! Fan guy will be explained in the next special! It's gotta be connected to the Miraculous bullshit somehow.

I really like this intro so far.

Guardian was always capitalized in the other subtitles but not here so that makes me think this might not be Miraculous stuff.

Oh so they murdered her father.

There was no real leadin to the other special that gave any context. I like Fei so far.

Is this supposed to be summer break?

And someone's gonna try to steal Tikki.

Girl NO. NOOO.

There are LIMITS to the amount of crazy a girl should be able to get away with. DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN A BOX AND SHIP YOURSELF TO SHANGHAI. that is stalkerish.

Gabriel's actually going? Are you actually going to let Adrien spend time with friends?

All right so what's this magical eclipse all about?

How'd he get the bracelet?

So the Prodigious is the prototype of the Miraculous?

If you destroy them you can't get their miraculouses

Okay. I just need to point out some serious stupidity. The trinket for the Prodigious was already in China. It was stolen from the person in China. and then sent to Paris so that he could fly it back to China to take part in the ritual to get the Prodigious. WHY

That is how spines break! Marinette has no spines! Or maybe she could fit inside that box actually

So Tom and Sabine were struggling financially according to other episodes. How are they gonna afford to send her to China?

Why is he prepared for this?

Okay so they actually explained it.

When did he learn to speak English? That was a big thing of his episode, that he could not speak English or French. Or did Marinette learn to speak Chinese or one of the many Chinese languages.

Oh they addressed that.

This is a much better getting someone who's not familiar with the thing getting invested in the story rather than punching your face in heavy handed.

They had to do completely new modeling for this.

Those are just actual photos.

Why the fuck

Super stalkery

Ahh. Gorilla collects action figures.

This is not gonna go well.

It's weird seeing Gabriel walk around and do shit.

So this is Fei's story, basically.

Hm. Master of disguise stuff.

Gorilla's actually doing his job!

Dead eye Tikki

She took the kwagatama.

There's no way she wouldn't notice the earrings slipping off. The inconsistency of the rules is really annoying. In Lady Wifi, Alya had to go behind the ear to get the backing but now they're clip ons?

Also you would definitely feel your bag being taken like that

Okay this is a cute little moment.

There's a lot of tourists in Shanghai, she should be able to get help.

Dumplings.

I like Bastille.

But he's the one who's been fucking with you!

That's the same fan that the bad guy had, so

This is the start of a very pixar-esque style that we see later on.

Oh they're just trying to help! Oh that's nice of them.

This one's just a lot more interesting than the other special.

I like how Gorilla's just playing with the bird.

They're both horrible liars.

If she doesn't have her wallet, how is she going to pay?

I like these little moments, but the subtleties on Fei's face say the guilt is getting to her as she's getting to know Marinette.

Aaand Chat Noir to save the day.

Your forms will do nothing here. You're just wasting energy.

Those are good kids. They're doing their best to help.

So we got an eclipse that does magic.

aaand Marinette switched modes.

"You're gonna call your uncle right now" with Marinette's own phone.

I like the subtle echo they have on Hawkmoth's monologue.

[Marinette transforms] is now really the time to dance, girl?

Into the well. Where she's gonna accidentally find the real thing, I think.

I wonder if the colors mean anything on that giant god of war esque staircase.

So this is gonna summon oh that's a big dude.

So Chat's gonna come in and he's gonna fight Hawkmoth and Fei's gonna fight the Prodigious dude

I like the outfit.

[Long Long] is cute.

Oh that's interesting. So it's a different type of transformation.

Heh Hawkmoth got a basketball to the dick

I didn't know he could use an akuma to change other people. That doesn't follow logic we saw in the Stoneheart episode. Although maybe since it returned to him he was able to repurpose it?

Time to get the fuck out of there, it's kaiju time.

"We gotta break the ball, the akuma's inside!" and now it's inside him.

[Gabriel gets thanos'd] oh jesus christ. He's murdered. He's just straight up murdered.

I like that this shows that the akumas are not completely controllable. It opens up a lot more ideas and things they could do with it that I know they're not going to.

This just feels like a complete story without rushing through everything.

"Only the power of the object can reach the akumatized object!" how do you know that? You know nothing of the Prodigious, Tikki has told you nothing of it! You could just dive into the mouth and get the thing yourself!

Goodbye Kitty.

You kinda need to survive so you can reset bomb everything.

Is this where Marinette reveals herself?

"Everything is because of me" No it's because of Hawkmoth. It's literally 1000% his fault. You're just the unlucky sucker who's in it and I hate this trope it is so stupid.

Kaiju battle!

That's a big vase. Put the dragon in the vase?

This is a reference to something, I just don't remember what.

It's nice seeing when Hawkmoth's plans actually go awry.

Everyone and everything back to existence! Except they all know what death is like now.

That was good form on that kick.

So Mei Shi's a kwami.

Overall thoughts. I like the implications of the Prodigious but it's not explained enough. It's like they're an attempt to attain things that shared aspects with other miraculouses but that's too much power for one person and the guardian is a kwami? Or like a kwami? I have so many questions that will never be answered on it.

Overall I like it though.

[nilsavatar]

PHOENIX | CHAPTER 2 SNEAK PEEK

I would like to thank whoever is reading this fic, here and on AO3. Thanks to those who have left their impressions and the new subscribers. I'm moved. I know I'm slow, but I assure you that the new chapter is in the pipeline. I'm fixing it. I expect to publish it by the weekend. I would like to devote myself more to it, but I'm preparing for an important exam. I was genius to decide to develop it now, when I had plenty of time after the film's release 🙄 As Mi'niri I am my own worst enemy 🙃 To thank you for your support and to justify your wait, hoping to intrigue you, here's a sneak peek at the next chapter.

Before he winced at the sound of his name, Tsireya's gentle touch had already reached him. So deep in thought that he didn't even notice how close she was. "It's not your fault," she said, looking at him with empathy, as if trying to ease the guilt he felt. The atmosphere was tense, and the usual cheerfulness was nowhere to be found, replaced with a heavy, somber mood. She looked at him with a liquid gaze, clouded by concern and a desire to ease his burden. And by fear.

The Metkayina had known nothing but peace until now. The ocean was ablaze, and corpses were everywhere, both Na’vi and humans. Alien machines and people's cries fused into an earsplitting noise. The smoke enveloped the air, carrying an acrid stench that she couldn’t place, but she would soon associate it to the notion of war. She embraced Lo'ak tightly, her turquoise irises skimming the surroundings from above his shoulder.  Stars should have been scattered in the eclipse sky, and she should have seen the iridescent outline of Polyphemus. Everything was engulfed in darkness, save for the flickering red and orange flames.

Huddled together as far as the barrier of their bodies made it possible, their faces aligned. Eyes locked in a wordless exchange that seemed to convey everything they needed to say. The warmth of their breaths mingled as their noses collided, and they could still feel the salt water drying on their skin. Their heartbeats filled the space between them, drowning out all other noise.

Even though the timing was less than ideal, they shared the long-awaited first kiss that left them both breathless; uncertainty looming over them, knowing it might be their last. Their lips barely brushed as a sharp whistle rose from Neteyam’s now gaping mouth. Inhaling in deep, erratic puffs, his fatigued eyes widened. He let out a weak cough, a sign that he was still with us. 

Neteyam was alive.  He was still alive.

“Bro!” Lo'ak sprang into action, wrapping his arms around him and lifting him up, helping him catch his breath. "I've got you, bro," he said. “Take short, quick breaths. Keep calm, don’t fidget. You’re fine, you made it. You’re still here.” What was happening before his eyes took him aback. It was almost too surreal to believe. His brother had been awake, crossed over to the other side, and returned. An unrestrained grin plasticized on his face, not resisting hugging him.  In that moment, Neteyam's agonized throat let out a grunt, and his entire body convulsed with spasms. The growls escaping from his mouth sounding more like painful moans. Lo'ak's instincts kicked in and he ducked his abdomen forward, tapping his shoulder blades. Something was stuck in his windpipe, and he choked violently in an attempt to clear it.

Neteyam threw out as he urged him to, spitting out the stale, viscous blood with a loud stridor. He leaned back against him, and he could feel the tension leaving his body. "I can't believe it," he laughed with delight. “You kicked death’s butt, bro!”

@cinetrix

[rcseaurum]

@etroaed : " i yearn for the day i might be free of my shackles, from the binding of this armour. it has eaten away at me, stolen all light from my heart. i am but a husk to it."

she was ever at the whim of cupid's arrow. the shot pierced her gentle golden heart & infused it with nothing but thoughts of snow white, obsidian & lavender. he dwelled in her daylight reverie & in her sweetest of dreams at night. to hear of his suffering, knowing full well what he had to endure — rosa wanted to comfort him. the arduous priming of the dark knight meant to eclipse pain & surrender to the shadows. someone with a radiant heart like his managed to endure it ... but not without consequences. & now, the king had began to change, asking cecil to do some of the strangest of things. honor was instilled in his blood & his fealty to his father figure bade him forth. the black armor now a prison, swelling with sin. 

but rosa saw no change in him. only guilt & if one was able to feel remorse for his actions, then he was not lost all. she stared at him gently, the setting sun creating a canvas of beautiful shades across the sky. their time on the balcony was precious ... a rare moment where the two could just talk. loving gaze held a firm determination, her hand lifting to touch his helm ; the very dark helm he had refused to remove sometimes. she wanted to see his mouth, to see the moon-white of his hair. ❝your light has not been stolen. the fact you can see its eating you up inside is proof of that.❞ rosa breathed, a flush growing on her cheeks as she leaned closer. her lips pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth plate. it was a soft promise, a quiet admittance to warm sentiments that, one day, she'd be able to share with him properly.

❝ you are cecil. my cecil ... ❞ 

[awhteyam]

a strange feeling nested in all their chests. they were home, but it didn't feel right that only five pairs of feet stood on their homeground as opposed to six. the sullys had expected this though, nothing ever really felt right since he had died. 

familiar faces of the omaticaya had gathered around to welcome the family back, and no matter how hard they tried to match the smiles of their brothers and sisters the overwhelming feeling of their missing son never ceased. they were far away from their second home with the metkayina but enveloping touch of the ocean surrounded them. ever since neteyam passed well over a year ago, they all felt they were drowning but there was nothing they could do. only feeling comfort in the fact that they were all drowning together. 

mo'at had found her way to her family greeting them all with a hug, ignorant of their cold arms and straight faces as she was too wrapped up in her own feelings of longing that started ever since her family had left. 

silence had fallen upon the warm greetings that now had grown cold. the people's hearts sunk with the sullys' long before the words met their ears. jake's words were like stones in his heart, yet he didn't understand how they turned sharp when spoken. even the na'vi who weren't all that familiar with the boy, understood the pain of the entire family, but then there were the ones who were all too familiar with the boy. mo'at. 

a hand had unconsciously covered the bottom half of her face, while her tears were all too visible. neytiri went to comfort her mother with a hug, with her lips pressed in a tight line and tears pricking her eyes. both her and jake guilt sting at every corner of their body, they know they should have come home sooner. they know they should have told her sooner.

– 

eclipse had come and the ceremony had begun. lo'ak could hear the singing and chanting getting fainter and fainter as he went further and further. he had no idea where he was headed, but he knew he couldn't live through a ceremony in honour of his brother again. he felt guilty he wasn't there, but the past year of seeing his brother's blood on his hands that would go away only if he blinked hard enough felt even worse. this hadn't felt like a ceremony for neteyam, but rather a reminder that it was his own actions that led to this; a reminder for the void his annoying older brother always made feel smaller. 

lo'ak swears he didn't know where he was going, but he wasn't surprised where he ended up. his childhood home. he sees jake chasing neteyam and kiri in the water, he sees jake running around with neteyam in his arms pretending he's flying and he sees them all bundled up as their parents would tell them stories of their youth just as vividly as he sees blood on his hands. 

he walked around his old home with blurry vision, as tears kept threatening to spill out his eyes and comes across a post. it was nothing more than support for most people, but the markings on it meant the world to him. he bent down and began tracing every line from the bottom from the top. the first one was nearly at the ground and he saw the little indents his dad had made to indicate who each line belonged to at which age. 

as his legs got straighter, he reached the last line, a line that indicated 'neteyam, fifteen.' 

he always knew he'd grow taller than his brother.

[discordapples]

PT. 17 Stolen

Word count: 1.7k (6 mins read)

Characters: Livia Novik, Ominis Gaunt.

Summary

Ominis isolates himself from his friends in the wake of the Collector's first leeching. Livia doesn't hesitate to skip class to visit him, and they share a moment in a secret peaceful place.

Read the next chapter below.

Song list: Empty, by PVRIS.

Ominis | Hogwarts, Early October, 1893.

A boy is given a memory to cherish. It isn't the kind you trap in a frame, but the kind you water with moments spent reliving it; the kind you prune with care so the weeds won't strangle it.

Yet one day, the boy wakes to an overgrown garden, and amidst the brier and the conquering ivy, the memory is curled onto itself, browned and wilted and dead.

Everything dissipates.

The water in a pond. The pain from a wound. A slab of dark clouds eclipsing the sun.

A memory.

For two days, Ominis only leaves his room to attend his classes, and even then, his body sits on a chair, but his attention meanders to the things he abandoned in the Room of Requirement.

At first, he is angry with Livia for manipulating him into joining the first leeching—for her display at the lake can be nothing else than that. This is now apparent to him. But then, even this dissipates, and ire sublimates into fear.

Fear to forget what it is like to belong. Fear to forget what it is like to see. Fear to forget what Livia looks like.

It is only on the third day Ominis realizes the green in her eyes has desaturated, the darkness of her hair has dimmed, her smile has etiolated.

Now she lives, a mangled vision, in a corner of his brain where she will rot beyond recognition, and one day, the dance with her will be a timeworn tapestry, riddled with holes and torn seams, and she will become an impoverished sensation; a watery afterthought.

Everything fades, and everyone dies twice. First, when life leaves their body, then when memory fails those they left behind.

Ominis told Sebastian about his ordeal. There was no way he'd weather the stubborn Slytherin's inquisition without caving. He would do anything, however, to evade Sebastian's pity, and crawl back into the shell of solitude to lick his wounds, but his friend hauls him along until one day Ominis pretends he is coming down with a terrible headache and cannot make it to Potions class.

And that day is the day Livia Novik also chooses to skip class to visit him.

As soon as he opens the door, he can smell this exhalation of vanilla and blackcurrant, noses the faint scent of dust from the books she read, the heady funk of ink from the quill she held.

"Can I come in?"

Wordlessly, he pivots to let her inside his bedroom, then shuts the door behind them. There is the faint groan of the mattress; the squeak of the hinges on his bed.

He leans against his desk, endeavoring to smooth the crinkles in his trousers as if he is suddenly made aware Livia can—and will—note all of his imperfections now that he isn't trussed in a tailored suit and a silken cravat. "How did you make it inside the Slytherin common room?"

"I used to Mimic. Pointed it at Sebastian and had it tell me the password."

"You're too clever for this world, you know that?"

She sheds a chuckle. "It's my curse, Ominis Gaunt."

His tone darkens. "Yeah, we all have one."

"I'm sorry about it all, Ominis," Livia says, her voice bleak. "I saw what you experienced in the manor. If I knew, I wouldn't have—"

"Manipulated me into doing it?"

An agitated silence cotters between them. It is laced with unease.

How much did she see?

Could she pick apart his desires from the display? Did she eye all of his fears as they hung on the walls of his illusion alongside his family portraits?

Ominis wonders how Livia managed to strip him of both his shirt and his secrets; how deft she is at skinning others while donning a thicker armor.

"We all manipulate," Livia replies, and there is no contempt in her words, just the cold steel of candor. "By nipping my actions in ill-intent, you hope to use guilt to get the truth from me. This is a way to manipulate, isn't it?" He hears the bed creak again, and he cannot help his heart cantering into his throat, knowing that she is getting closer. "The afternoon we spent at the lake was not a performance, Ominis. I wasn't feigning laughs; I could never enact a moment so peaceful with all the storms that have been raging in my head. I might have told you to stay out of it in the hopes of having you insist on partaking, but everything else I said was true."

She leans next to him, and in this permanent darkness of his, he can see her materialize again; pictures her fingers trapped in his, the curve of her neck laced in midnight blue velvet, the coy smile she graces him with when he spins her around, the fragility he would've never imagine her to display if he hadn't seen her with his own eyes.

Aside from her family and the Collector's legion of faceless dancers, Livia is the first person Ominis ever laid his eyes on.

And now she is the first smile he ever starved for. The first eyes he ever looked through for a figment of soul that her scent, her touch, her taste could never relent.

How could he hold bitterness into his chest when she gave him the opportunity to sample a part of her?

"Your face is fading away," he whispers, as if an octave higher could cut right through the moment. "I tried to keep it inside of me like a breath until the sight would burn itself inside of my brain, but it doesn't hold. It isn't losing my eyesight again that eats me from the inside, Livia. It's being robbed of the glimpses of bliss I was awarded in there."

She coils her fingers around his forearm, the smile in her words like a living, breathing thing. "Come, the day is warm. Let's go out."

He raises a brow. "We'll get caught for missing class."

"Some things are worth a little trouble," she replies. "Besides, these little crimes we avow ourselves make for the best memories, wouldn't you say?"

Returning her smile, Ominis lets her lead him through the castle's loneliest corridors until they cross through a door under a warmish sun.

The sound of the grass underfoot is foreign, so is the blend of smells eddying around them. Pine, stagnant water, decaying flowers, dry leaves, the nitrous scent of a storm rolling in the distance.

"Where are we?"

Livia guides his hand to a slope chiseled in stone. He follows the curve upwards, across a neck, then a hand holding a feminine chin, a nose, eyes, and eyebrows.

A statue.

"I don't know what this place is," she tells him. "It looks like a garden left in disarray behind a door which knob is just as spotless as the day it was hammered into the wood. Right now, it looks very much like a place in-between."

"In-between what?"

He imagines her shrugging at that, picturing her green eyes looking around to the dead flower beds, the ruined statues, the gnarled branches. "In-between seasons, most certainly. In-between owners, perhaps. In-between lovers or mischief-makers or peace-seekers."

His heart caroms in its sheath of muscles at the question he allows out of his lips: "Which one are we?"

She graces him with a shy giggle. He has never felt her so pensive, so reconciled. "Given we are missing class, I suppose we are first and foremost mischief-makers, but there is no reason why we should don only one cloak."

He angles his face to where her voice comes from. "Why did you bring me here, Livia?"

"The Collector couldn't feed on my bliss."

A gossamer line runs across his forehead. "Why not?"

There is sorrow lacing her words. "He told me I was too scant a meal in my current emotional state; that I owe him bliss when I will be able to experience it."

"Why did he feed on you, regardless?"

"I wanted to be with you and Sebastian when he did it. If there was a way, I could make it less... painful, I would've been there to do it. That is the first reason..."

An open sky breathes around them, but the second Livia steps in his vicinity, Ominis feels as if she has trapped him in a glass jar. His skin tingles as she draws closer, the air rolling in his throat thickening with the words he surrenders. "What is the second?"

She takes his hand and presses his fingers to her cheek. "So you could associate smells and textures to the fading image you have of me, and strengthen the memory."

Guiding his hand on her face, she helps him chart her traits. The sharp edge of her jaw, her peaked chin, her small nose, proud cheekbones, the silk of her eyelashes, the soft outline of her full lips...

And there it dawns on Ominis, the need to have something to himself. Something that isn't shared, imagined or stolen. "Do you want to come with me to All Hallows' Eve ball?"

He feels her cheek move up under his fingers. "Was I such a good dancer?"

"You were."

"How much do you remember of our dance?"

"Everything," he says without hesitation. "I meant everything I said to you, Livia. All the glimpses I stole of you—I intended those too."

He recognizes the signs of disquiet in the change in her breath pattern, yet she doesn't recoil from his touch. "I don't know if I can know bliss, Ominis. With anyone."

"Why don't you steal it?" He suggests, her skin blistering under the pad of his thumb. "These little crimes we avow ourselves make for the best memories, right?"

"You're not a bad partner in crime," she concedes, her bitterness gone in the blink of an eye. "Yes. I'll go to the ball with you, Ominis Gaunt."

"Good," he replies with a smile. "At least we'll have a secret place to retire to if the festivities get tiresome."

She gives a silvery chuckle. "Do they ever?"

"Let's hope this year they do."