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xtruss · 2 years ago

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Eating One Wild Fish Same as Month of Drinking Tainted Water: Study

— By Daniel Lawler | January 17, 2023

Locally caught fish in rivers and lakes could be a major source of exposure to "forever chemicals" PFAS, New Research Has Warned.

Eating one freshwater fish caught in a river or lake in the United States is the equivalent of drinking a month's worth of water contaminated with toxic "forever chemicals", new research said on Tuesday.

The invisible chemicals called PFAS were first developed in the 1940s to resist water and heat, and are now used in items such as non-stick pans, textiles, fire suppression foams and food packaging.

But the indestructibility of PFAS, per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances, means the pollutants have built up over time in the air, soil, lakes, rivers, food, drinking water and even our bodies.

There have been growing calls for stricter regulation for PFAS, which have been linked to a range of serious health issues including liver damage, high cholesterol, reduced immune responses and several kinds of cancer.

To find out PFAS contamination in locally caught fish, a team of researchers analyzed more than 500 samples from rivers and lakes across the United States between 2013 and 2015.

The median level of PFAS in the fish was 9,500 nanogrammes per kilogram, according to a new study published in the journal Environmental Research.

Nearly three quarters of the detected "forever chemicals" was PFOS, one of the most common and hazardous of the thousands of PFAS.

Eating just one freshwater fish equalled drinking water with PFOS at 48 parts per trillion for a month, the researchers calculated.

Last year the US Environmental Protection Agency lowered the level of PFOS in drinking water it considers safe to 0.02 parts per trillion.

The total PFAS level in the freshwater fish was 278 times higher than what has been found in commercially sold fish, the study said.

Non-stick pans are among the products that use PFAS, which have been linked to a range of serious health issues.

'Greatest Chemical Threat'

David Andrews, a senior scientist at the non-profit Environmental Working Group which led research, told AFP he grew up catching and eating fish.

"I can no longer look at a fish without thinking about PFAS contamination," said Andrews, one of the study's authors.

The findings were "particularly concerning due to the impact on disadvantaged communities that consume fish as a source protein or for social or cultural reasons," he added.

"This research makes me incredibly angry because companies that made and used PFAS contaminated the globe and have not been held responsible."

Patrick Byrne, an environmental pollution researcher at the UK's Liverpool John Moores University not involved in the research, said PFAS are "probably the greatest chemical threat the human race is facing in the 21st century".

"This study is important because it provides the first evidence for widespread transfer of PFAS directly from fish to humans," he told AFP.

Andrews called for much more stringent regulation to bring an end to all non-essential uses of PFAS.

The study comes after Denmark, Germany, the Netherlands, Norway and Sweden submitted a proposal to ban PFAS to the EU's European Chemicals Agency on Friday.

The proposal, "one of the broadest in the EU's history," comes after the five countries found that PFAS were not adequately controlled, and bloc-wide regulation was needed, the agency said in a statement.

PFAS: You Can't Smell, See or Taste These Chemicals, But They Are Everywhere—And They're Highly Toxic To Humans

Per- and Polyfluorinated Substances (PFAS) The per-and polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS) are a group of chemicals used to make fluoropolymer coatings and products that resist heat, oil, stains, grease, and water. Fluoropolymer coatings can be in a variety of products.

— By Patrick Byrne, The Conversation | January 5, 2023

PFAS are persistent and spread through the atmosphere via hydrological processes. Credit: Chatchawal Phumkaew/Shutterstock

Humans perceive risk based largely on what we can see, smell and taste. Those senses serve us well when there are perceptible dangers to our health and the environment.

We can see and smell raw sewage and as such it is widely perceived as a risk to human and environmental health. The increasing concern of scientists about the presence of antibiotic-resistant bacteria in sewage has confirmed its actual risk. The Environment Agency also reports that pollution from sewage discharge is a leading cause of poor river quality in England.

But there are serious chemical threats, called perflouroalkyl and polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS), that we cannot perceive because they are colourless and odourless. Now present in our drinking water and natural ecosystems, high level exposure to these toxic chemicals can elicit a range of negative health effects in humans and wildlife. These include an increased risk of certain cancers, kidney disease, cholesterol, reproductive and developmental disruption and a decreased vaccine response.

Humans cannot see, smell or taste PFAS in our water. Yet they are a serious global threat. The actual risk of PFAS is high, but in my experience as a scientist working on environmental pollution, many people are unaware of them.

What are PFAS?

First developed in the 1940s, PFAS are a large group of more than 4,000 synthetic chemicals. Commonly known as "forever chemicals", their properties make them water and oil repellent and highly resistant to chemical and thermal breakdown.

They are therefore ingredients in various everyday products and as such are all around us. Non-stick frying pans, waterproof rain jackets, flame retardant sofas and carpets, food packaging, makeup and countless other items all contain these chemicals.

But PFAS can persist in the environment for hundreds or thousands of years. Research estimates that it takes more than 1,000 years on average for the chemical concentration of some PFAS to reduce by 50% in soil.

PFAS Exposure

Due to their persistence, PFAS have steadily accumulated in drinking water sources and oceans worldwide. This can happen as contaminated water leaks away from landfills into groundwater. PFAS in household items can also be washed into rivers and oceans through sewage systems.

In 2019, at least one PFAS was detected in 60% of the public groundwater wells and 20% of the private groundwater wells used as drinking water sources in the eastern U.S.. And in England, the Environment Agency analysed 470 freshwater sites between 2014 and 2019 and found PFAS contamination in 97% of them.

The freshwater contaminants then accumulate in plants and animals, where they can be transferred to humans via ingestion.

In the city of Charleston in South Carolina, scientists recorded concentrations of 11 PFAS in six species of fish. Levels of the most abundant chemical recorded in each species—perfluorooctane sulfonate—exceeded wildlife protective guidelines in 83% of whole fish examined. The consumption of wild fish therefore represents a serious health concern for the local population.

Here to Stay

Most people in the world are likely to have been exposed to PFAS. In 2012, more than 97% of Americans were estimated to have detectable levels of PFAS in their blood for example.

But, unlike most other chemical pollutants, PFAS are able to cycle continuously in hydrological processes and spread throughout the atmosphere. Scientists have, for example, recorded concentrations of PFAS in rainwater almost everywhere on Earth. This means that contamination may be largely irreversible.

Distributed by the water cycle, PFAS have been allowed to contaminate remote corners of the planet and negatively impact its wildlife. In Antarctica, accumulations of one type of PFAS—perfluorobutanoic acid—in snow increased more than 200-fold between 1957 and 2015.

Researchers have also found high concentrations of PFAS in Arctic algae. Algae are an important food source for zooplankton, with their contamination feeding upwards through the food chain to fish and shrimp, then seals, and finally to apex predators such as polar bears. A study of East Greenland polar bears revealed that PFAS contamination can disrupt a polar bear's hormone system, which may negatively impact reproduction.

For many people, current PFAS exposure levels are unlikely to be high enough to warrant serious concern. But exposure in some occupations, including firefighting and chemical manufacturing and processing, are likely to be much higher. As will the risk for people whose drinking water or food sources have been contaminated.

Science, and even Hollywood, has warned us of the global chemical threat posed by PFAS. Yet many of us do not perceive them to be a threat.

This may be due to the fact that PFAS are an "invisible" threat and not as obvious as sewage or plastic pollution. But these toxic chemicals have accumulated in many of our water sources and are now interfering with natural ecosystems. Governments, scientists and the media must improve their communication of the risks associated with PFAS.

Scientists Say PFAS Contamination Should Be Presumed at Over 57,000 US Sites

— B y Green Science Policy Institute

Map of presumptive contamination sites identified using presumptive contamination model. Credit: Environmental Science & Technology Letters (2022).

Tens of thousands of locations across the United States may be contaminated by PFAS (per- and poly-fluoroalkyl substances), according to a study published today in Environmental Science & Technology Letters.

According to the research team, PFAS contamination should be presumed at certain industrial facilities, sites related to PFAS-containing waste, and locations where fluorinated firefighting foams have been used. The authors integrated high-quality, publicly available data into a single map of 57,412 locations, with sites in all 50 states and the District of Columbia.

"PFAS contamination at these locations is very likely," said Dr. Alissa Cordner, senior author on the paper and co-director of the PFAS Project Lab. "We know that PFAS testing is very sporadic, and there are many data gaps in identifying known sites of PFAS contamination. That's why the 'presumptive contamination' model is a useful tool in the absence of existing high-quality data," Cordner said.

PFAS are a major concern for public health. The chemicals have been measured in countless drinking water systems, in the bodies of humans and wildlife around the globe, and even in rainwater at levels that are higher than the EPA says are safe for human consumption.

"Not only do we all have PFAS in our bodies, but we also know that PFAS affects almost every organ system. It is essential that we understand where PFAS are in our communities so that we can prevent exposures," said Dr. Linda Birnbaum, co-author on the paper and scientist emeritus and former director of the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences and the National Toxicology Program.

"While it sounds scary that there are over 57,000 presumptive contamination sites, this is almost certainly a large underestimation," said Dr. Phil Brown, director of Northeastern University's Social Science Environmental Health Research Institute and co-author on the paper. "The scope of PFAS contamination is immense, and communities impacted by this contamination deserve swift regulatory action that stops ongoing and future uses of PFAS while cleaning up already existing contamination," Brown said.

To check their presumptive contamination model against known contamination sites, the authors validated over 500 known contamination sites from the PFAS Project Lab's Contamination Site Tracker against the likely contamination sites they identified. They found that 72% of known contamination sites were either included in the map of presumptive contamination sites or captured by the overall conceptual model, even if those sites couldn't be mapped at the national scale.

"PFAS testing is expensive and resource intensive. We have developed a standardized methodology that can help identify and prioritize locations for monitoring, regulation, and remediation," said Dr. Kimberly Garrett, post-doctoral researcher at Northeastern University and co-author on the paper.

Identifying presumptive contamination sites enables governments, industries, and communities to rapidly and systematically identify potential PFAS exposure sources. "It's past time to 'turn off the tap' with new PFAS use and emissions," said Sharyle Patton, co-author on the study and program director at Commonweal.

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loren91 · 2 years ago

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This blog is kinda new and I haven’t done a post like this before, but as someone who works with film, I have a lot of thoughts, and I’d like to go on a little filmmaking rant regarding Young Royals, or more precisely, the critique of Wilhelm’s character.

The past few years there’s been a trend in films to have the main protagonist be strong, flawless and morally perfect from start to finish. I’ve never really understood this, because that way you are actively blocking any opportunity for good character development. If you want a character to be interesting or undergo some kind of journey of growth, they have to start out in a somewhat bad place. As a viewer, I honestly find it a bit insulting too, because a filmmaker who doesn’t dare to take risks or write nuanced characters are essentially saying “I don’t trust my audience”, and that’s how you end up with boring films.

Now in regards to Young Royals and Wilhelm, I keep seeing critiques popping up across platforms, like “Wilhelm is selfish”/“he’s a bad person”/“he’s toxic”, even to the point of saying that the whole show is toxic. And in a sense, yeah, Wilhelm is kind of a bad person, and you can give all kinds of explanations for it. He’s a teen and a product of the environment he was brought up in. Considering the fact that both Wilhelm and August have grown up in the same kind of toxic upper class-elite culture, I’d be more surprised if he wasn’t at least a little bit of a douchebag (There’s a reason why they gave him an anxiety disorder, to make him more relatable and worthy of our sympathy) There’s a lot of expectations on him, from his family and his peers. And he’s terrified of the consequences if he were to break those expectations, that’s why he’s so complicit. But most importantly, his flaws are there for narrative reasons.

If you want to figure out if a piece of work is morally questionable or not, you have to look beyond just one character. The million dollar question here is, are the characters rewarded despite bad behaviour?

Let me set an example here with 1984’s Ghostbusters (an odd one I know, but hear me out!) The romantic subplot between Peter and Dana is incredibly poorly written. When Dana shows up at their office, asking for help, Peter doesn't take her seriously and only attempts to flirt. He also stalks her and tries to pressure her into dating him, and despite her saying no several times over, he doesn't back off. Then at the end, when Peter and his team have saved the city from the big evil ghost, he thinks he deserves Dana as a reward. He kisses her (without checking for consent) and the film tries to frame this as romantic. Peter is rewarded despite his bad behaviour. I don’t care about anyone's nostalgia for this film, it’s gross af.

Now, let’s compare this to YR. Wilhelm is constantly going back and forth on his relationship with Simon. He keeps pushing him away, only to pull him in moments later when he’s too weak to resist his feelings any longer. Simon has a lot of patience with Wilhelm because he understands that he’s in a complicated situation. Also, red flags are difficult to see when you’ve got those rose tinted glasses on..

However, all of this is there really only to build up for one scene, the break up behind Simon’s house in ep 6. Wilhelm has hurt Simon several times over at this point, and he’s exhausted. But Wilhelm tries to ask for his reward anyway.

“I’m really sorry, this was the only way. But, this doesn’t have to change what we’ve got. We’re still us.”

But Simon calls him out for it.

“You expect everything to be on your terms. You need to figure out what you want… You need to do it on your own, I don’t want to be anyone’s secret.”

Effectively telling Wilhelm that his days of avoiding responsibility and taking people for granted are over. Simon won’t stand for it anymore. Wilhelm is being punished for his bad behaviour.

Wilhelm is the main protagonist of the story, meaning we see the story progress mainly from his perspective. It’s really important to remember though, that just because a character is the protagonist doesn’t mean that they’re the hero. Wilhelm is certainly not a hero, but it’s still his journey of growth and self discovery, that’s what makes the story interesting.

We get to see just how much these boys love each other and how happy they are together, but their situation is too complicated and they are terrified, which leads to Wilhelm making some questionable choices. The script however makes sure that the characters pay for their less than ideal actions, and not just with Wilhelm.

-When Simon attacks August because he refuses to pay, Rosh makes sure to call him out.

-When Sara finds out he’s been seeing their dad behind her back and lying to her about it for months, she calls him out for it.

-When August kisses Sara in the stables, Felice breaks up with him.

-When Wilhelm finds out August recorded the video, he disowns him.

And so on.

All of this stuff is really crucial for their development as characters. Learning through their mistakes. That’s why the last hug and love confession outside the church is so damn important, it’s concrete evidence of Wilhelm’s character development. He’s far from done, but that’s why we’re getting season 2! It’s most likely gonna be a rather bumpy ride, but the boy just needs more time. Who knows, maybe he’ll end up being the hero of the story eventually.

YR is so well done and I could go on for hours about this kind of stuff, but that will have to do for now, bye 😅

#young royals #Prince Wilhelm #simon eriksson #august #film theory #sorry for the rant #my analysis

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for-a-longlongtime · 10 months ago

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I tried to verbalize it this morning in a discord chat and really failed, so @joeloverture @iamasaddie @yourcoolauntie thank you for doing a great job at writing down some things about it.

It’s not about “surely Pedro is used to people thinking he’s attractive” - it’s about RESPECT from the toxic cesspool that’s Hollywood and how the media approaches him (and went completely overboard with that ‘daddy’ bullshit), about constant stereotyping of Latino men - not to mention how fuckin underrepresented they are on tv and esp at award shows. If Chelsea would’ve said this about his Oberyn performance back in the day, sure - it’d still be grossly reductive, but that role is heavily built on sexuality and sensuality. But that absolutely isn’t the case for Joel/The Last of Us.

I’d like to say more on this, but I already have a killer headache so I’m just gonna let it be. But extra props for @yourcoolauntie’s last addition. I am fucking sick of white folks and white culture and capitalism/power from white supremacy being front and center in almost every tv production, movie and award show. No, I don’t think that Pedro ‘needs’ an award for his outstanding work - he deserves it though - but I think ALL OF US (not even fans, but simply people who watch tv) need it instead of the bullshit things this industry says about ~diversity~.

edit: just for the record, I'm white. It's incredibly important that white people speak out about/against these things, because it cannot and most definitely SHOULD NOT be up to Latino/black/asian/native american folks or people of color in general to address these things. I don't have an issue with Handler personally, but she should've been more mindful.

here’s the thing i AM gonna talk about it and i AM gonna be pissed about it. historically but especially in a year that’s meant to be ‘diverse’, latinos (among other POCs) were left behind this awards season. tonight, the emmys have four latino nominees. pedro is an important part of that conversation — with the year he’s had, and the background he comes from.

sure, every actor in the categories he’s nominated in deserves their dues and acknowledgement. that’s why they ARE nominated. but seeing pedro being, YET AGAIN, be reduced to a tactless horniness joke instead of the performances he’s capable of giving, is so goddamn upsetting.

pedro’s career and talent has been consistently overlooked until now, and the fact that his efforts can be neglected to boost a white man for the hundredth fucking time is just… exhausting. at the end of the day, he’s a caricature to hollywood’s biggest decision makers. they joke about him, don’t take him seriously, ask him the dumbest interview questions even thinkable, and can’t even reward him for his work.

no, 2023 wasn’t the year everyone was horny for pedro pascal — it was the year he blew audiences away with his performance, kindness, and passion. the critics might not be looking, but we are, and that matters infinitely more.

#pedro pascal #critics choice awards #emmys 2024 #golden globes #Joel miller

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weclassybouquetfun · 2 years ago

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ELVIS may not receive a hunk of "Burning Love" at the box office but it won't be the fault of Baz Luhrmann's energetic directing style or Austin Butler's pitch- perfect performance.

Now I can finally know him as an actor instead of just referring to him as Vanessa Hudgen's ex.

At 2 hours and 39 minutes, it's unbelievable that this film has very little substance but it is crammed with style. If the production design wasn't amazing or costumes weren't so exquisite

Including repros courtesy of Miu Miu and Prada

and the music so feet-tapping, head-noddingly good that long runtime could have been an issue because my problem with Luhrmann's work is that it is too chock full. For someone who has a great legacy the reality is Luhrmann has only directed six feature films and it's like every time he gets a film he's afraid he'll never get to do another one so editing be damned. He's going to throw in the kitchen sink, the fridge, the washer. There's no throwing out the baby with the bath water. No -that's going in the film, too. His films (and even the short-lived Netflix series THE GET DOWN) can be too dizzying.

You don't need to have a working knowledge of Elvis Presley to enjoy his film. It's nice if you do (people on either side of me and my friend were big Elvis fans and they lapped this film up. They shed tears. They expressed regret at not getting able to see him perform). I don't think the film alone could have garnered that reaction if it wasn't for Butler's extraordinary performance. He was incredible. It's no wonder that when he found out Butler was going up for the role his former costar Denzel Washington contacted Luhrmann - of his own accord and without Butler's knowledge - and praised Butler.

Those who hate Elvis won't be swayed by this film. If anything they will hate that it glosses over every criticism that has loomed over his legacy (that he was a racist/culture vulture and an ephebophile). People expecting there to be something salacious made of his relationship with Priscilla Presley won't get that as Priscilla worked closely with Luhrmann on the film and in regards to their relationship, at worst he's portrayed as an absent husband and philanderer.

*Butler with Riley Keough, Priscilla and Lisa Marie Presley.

*Elvis' granddaughter actress Riley Keough on Butler's.

This film is solely focused on the symbiotic relationship between Elvis and the Colonel (Tom Hanks) and the bigger issue of artists who are taken advantage of due to ignorance and stars and dollar signs clouding their vision.

Being about Elvis music is a gigantic part of the film. Austin Butler sang as younger Elvis but as he got older they blended Butler's vocals with Presley's (much like what was done in BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY with Rami Malek, Marc Martel and Freddie Mercury's vocals).

Knowing Luhrmann and how he's not afraid of being anachronistic, I was curious as to how the film would use the songs from the soundtrack. The soundtrack a mix of covers and songs inspired by Elvis' hits was used sparingly as to not completely disrupt the film - Kacey Musgraves' "Can't Help Falling In Love" plays softly underneath a scene, Jack White's blistering guitar riff from his cover of Elvis' "Power of My Love" punctuates another, Doja Cat's "Vegas" is blended with Big Mama Thornton's "Hound Dog". The end credits features Eminem and Cee-Lo Green's "The King and I" and Måneskin's cover of Elvis' "If I Can Dream".

*You're not imagining things - yes, Kodi Smit-McPhee, the human stick insect - supplies a song for the soundtrack as his character Jimmie Rodgers Snow.

Other songs used that is not in the soundtrack includes a Britney Spears/ Backstreet Boys mash-up of "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" and "Toxic" which surprisingly works in the midst of a montage.

#movies #film #elvis presley #baz luhrmann #austin butler #elvis movie #elvis #maneskin #music #biopic #riley keough

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blazehedgehog · 3 years ago

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Do you have any studios or developers you refuse to purchase games from?

Voidpoint, for their handling of Ion Fury. It looks like an extremely good build engine shooter, but a mapper hid some bigoted humor in a level and Voidpoint dug in their heels and stood up "against SJW censorship." Big red flags. They don't deserve my business.

I struggle to care about anything Gearbox has been doing, exclusively because of Randy Pitchford. He's an incredibly suspicious dude -- there's claims he stole money from Aliens: Colonial Marines to bankroll Borderlands 2, there's the whole bizarre "magic trick on a flash drive" gaffe, the fact he "rescued" the Duke Nukem franchise and has left it to rot with increasingly worse ports and remasters of Duke Nukem 3D (and only Duke Nukem 3D)... Randy announced he was leaving Gearbox just a few days ago to pursue a movie production career, but also, the more Gearbox does with the "humor" in Borderlands, the more I groan at how much it sucks. Randy Pitchford or not, I don't want to buy or play anything from Gearbox, at least for a while.

THQ Nordic hosted an AMA on 8chan, a website known for hosting illegal pornography and being the heart of Qanon. They tried to make a series of weak apologies, but not a single one of them came off as sincere, because they were all full of misdirection and excuses about how they "didn't know" what 8chan was. I don't believe them for a second. People all the way up the Nordic ladder seemed to be in on it. Unsurprisingly, right after that disaster, they announced a suite of long-requested, fan-favorite remasters for games like Battle for Bikini Bottom and Destroy All Humans. It was blatantly transparent they were trying to smooth things over and hope people forget about the 8chan thing. I certainly won't.

I'm also going to start avoiding anything associated with Tommy Tallarico. He always came off as kind of a goober on Electric Playground, but it sounds increasingly like he's a toxic weirdo and a diva. It's harder to cite this one because it sounds like Tallarico is trying to get out in front of it and keep it quiet, but there are rumblings from people who met him that he's a loudmouthed jerk. He's been known to crack a lot of "snowflake sjw needs a safe space?" type jokes, and he followed a lot of the right wing brainworm types on twitter. He's also spearheading the whole "Earthworm Jim 4" project, which involves "getting all the original developers back together" -- including the ones who have willingly outed themselves as angry bigots. Despite claims that the bad eggs aren't really involved, their work is still being co-promoted. Tallarico is ignorant at best, and actively toxic at worst. Art cannot be separated from artist as long as money is involved.

There's probably more, but those are the four strongest examples I can think of right now. I'd maybe put Ubisoft in there, but mostly that's because I'm very bored with Ubisoft's output and have been for a long time, irregardless of what's wrong with their company culture.

Similar thing happened with Blizzard. I've never played World of Warcraft, I haven't played Diablo III for more than an hour, I stopped caring about Overwatch, etc. It was almost convenient when they started to self-destruct because of their company culture, because it really wasn't very hard at all to stop caring about their games.

#questions #voidpoint #melcodriggs #tommy tallarico #intellivision #amico #doug tennaple #earthworm jim #randy pitchford #gearbox #blizzard #ubisoft #ion fury #borderlands #thq

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felassan · 3 years ago

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Check out this video interview with Mark Darrah, ‘On Anthem’s Launch, Dev Advice, And Leaving BioWare’. It’s interesting and pretty substantial. He talks about a bunch of different things, including his YouTube channel, things BioWare could’ve done differently, crunch, whether he’ll write a book about his gamedev experiences, gamedev pitfalls, Anthem’s troubled development, the development of projects he worked on including DA2, cancelled projects (and what happened to them) including Jade Empire 2 / ‘Jade Modern’ / Revolver and Mass Effect: Corsair, the reasons why he left BioWare and Dragon Age 4.

I recc giving the whole thing a watch, but if you’re not able to, here are the Dragon Age 4-related quotes and other especially interesting-to-me portions transcribed for ur convenience! (under a cut due to length):

Mark: "There is a tendency for projects that are small to think they're amazing, because it's so much easier. Like when I ran Sonic [Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood] - it was a 20 person team - it's just so much easier to make things go smoothly than when you have a 200 person team. So I think that we've made progress, but as Dragon Age pivots into production and that team gets bigger and bigger, it will be interesting to see if that's true or if it's just the blindness of being a small team. Like when Inquisition was in the throes of shipping, both Mass Effect: Andromeda and Anthem would love to talk about how they were 'doing things right!' and then they fell in totally different holes, but still fell in a bunch of holes after Inquisition shipped. So I do think that there is a hubris that comes from a project in early development where you feel like this time you've figured it out."

--- Mark: “As Dragon Age [4] was moving towards production, I could see that like, the team, I've been told by people that they've never met a team that more wants to be in production than Dragon Age team. But what ended up happening was, in order for the team to really explore the space properly, we had to sort've train them to be in pre-production. But that meant that that team no longer really wanted to be in production, they wanted to be in pre-production. And so, looking at what was going to be required to pivot that team into production, it wasn't a challenge that I thought I was up to any longer. I think that team, once they get into the mindset, is capable of moving entire mountains, and will move entire mountains, but they need someone that can lead them through that."

Interviewer: “Yeah, from the outside it's striking that you and Casey Hudson left at the same time. It sort’ve definitely implies a ‘fuck this’ moment for the two of you. If it was just you saying ‘I can’t do it’ then it’s understandable.”

Mark: “Yeah, no, I mean, it’s hilarious, because, we definitely were not coordinated. That was, as near as I can determine, there was nothing that triggered us on the same moment other than maybe just a sort’ve mounting, just, like, this friction, being at the, I would say, the GM and EP, the point at which the [something?] friction and the project friction meet, and you’re just sort of grinding there. But I don’t think there was a massive injection of anything late last year that triggered that. Not that I can point to. For me, yeah, I do think it was, weirdly, a coincidence. Casey and I have stayed in touch, we didn’t leave to go form a studio together or anything.”

---

Interviewer: “Are you being torn apart a little bit internally about that pressure of, ‘I know if I just made a video that said, The Secrets of Dragon Age - not even Dragon Age 4, whatever the hell that thing’s called at this point - but just, The Secrets of Dragon Age: Origins’, like, you know that audience surely would show up. I imagine there’s that community that’s screaming at you, like, ‘Tell us something we don’t know about Dragon Age, tell us about the future!!’, versus, trying to play it a little more straight and actually offer gamedev advice.”

Mark: “Yeah, for sure, absolutely, like, looking at, there is an entire segment of YouTube which is ‘Dragon Age fans talking about Dragon theories and watching the trailers and picking them apart’ and I could do that, and that would be, I feel like that would almost destructive to everybody, because I could deflate all the theories, some of which are completely completely wrong, some of which are amazingly right. But I think, like, I don’t think the community actually wants that. They might sort’ve think they do, but I think if I just sort’ve pulled away the curtain, I think it’d be like, ‘Ohh.. but now what are we gonna talk about? :(’ Like I don’t think that anybody wants that honestly. It would be great for my metrics but I don’t think anyone really wants that.”

Interviewer: “And not to offer you advice, but like I think there’s somewhere in the middle. Like when they have the next teaser trailer for the next Dragon Age project, you could do a reaction video to that and it would be your most viewed thing by a mile, and you wouldn’t be stepping on anybody’s toes.”

Mark: “Yeah, I have thought about that exact thing. Cause we’ve now moved, I think, beyond the horizon of anything that comes out of Dragon Age at this point, like if they’re at EA Play, and I don’t know if they’re at EA Play or not, then whatever that is will be something that I didn’t have anything to do with, so we’re reaching the point where I can now, I feel like, start to provide, yeah, reaction videos from the perspective of, an incredibly well-informed outsider.”

---

Interviewer: “And you must know, even though you’re not inside the studio, like, just have an appreciation how much that [MELE’s good success and good reception] can do for the studio’s morale. I’d imagine it’s just night and day.”

Mark: “Oh, absolutely, like. Andromeda and Anthem being the last two things before the remaster, that is a cloud that hangs above the studio for sure.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, I mean I remember visiting for Dragon Age: Inquisition, it must have been, and it was still, like, the Mass Effect 3 ending, I feel like, even visiting the studio for two days, you could feel that like, funk, of just like ‘ugh, good Christ, we’ve gotten the crap kicked out of us’.”

Mark: “Yeah, I mean. The Mass endings is an interesting one for me. Because, it’s not the choices I would have made to end the game, but those are the choices that were made. I wonder... I don’t like ultimatums, and I feel like with Mass 3, the team kind’ve gave into an ultimatum. The community was so angry that we then released new better endings to ‘fix it’, and it’s not that that’s a bad piece of content, that’s a good piece of content, but I just worry that, the internet today, seems almost like... a reaction to the Mass 3 endings. Almost like, the internet learned that if you just yell loud enough you get what you want. And I don’t think that’s real, because it’s Mass Effect, it’s not Star Wars.”

Interviewer: “But I mean, if it wasn’t the ending of Mass Effect 3, it would have been something else in that era of Voices On The Internet Being So loud that it causes a big company to pivot and be like ‘Okay, we’ll try and make you a little bit happier, please just relax everybody’.”

Mark: “Yeah, totally. So I mean, I don’t think Mass Effect bears the brunt of the blame of toxic fan culture. But certainly it’s one of the very first examples of that culture managing to make something happen.”

---

Mark: “Now I do feel that maybe I overlearned that lesson, because, something that I did a lot on Anthem was talk about how, you know, ‘this is not a BioWare-style game, this is not gonna have the storytelling that you’re used to’. And I think maybe I overstressed that. I do think that at the end of the day where we are with Anthem today, if you were a BioWare fan that liked all our other games, and you play Anthem with an eye to playing it as a storytelling game, it’s certainly not our best, but it’s not bad.”

Interviewer: “So Anthem marketing and messaging was hurt because you were overlearning the lessons from Sonic, that’s the takeaway?”

Mark: “I do think so. I do think that like, I don’t think it was from the marketing perspective, but I do think that both Casey and I overstressed [that]. We didn’t want people to get mad at us for making a game that wasn’t a very good storytelling game, so we wanted to get ahead of that message and say like, ‘it’s not a very strong storytelling game, it’s a game about all this other stuff’, but, at the end of the day, it is a storytelling game, it’s still in there. And those are the people that stayed away. And if those people hadn't stayed away, I’m not saying the game would have suddenly done [awesome], but it would’ve softened the narrative a little bit, I think.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, yeah. I mean, I’m sure you understand this better than anybody, but that’s such a loaded term to say ‘This is a BioWare-style game’, and obviously there’s that era of EA where they were trying to say that every project within EA was a ‘BioWare-style’ game and so, it’s interesting to hear you kind’ve, hemming and hawwing about how much to lean into, ‘no no, this one is 100% BioWare, this one is 73% BioWare’ - it’s such a murky thing.”

Mark: “It absolutely is, I mean, and I even said these things. Like we made MDK2, well, we made it, so I mean is that a ‘BioWare-style’ game? Is Baldur’s Gate a ‘BioWare-style’ game? But if it is, then how is Mass Effect a ‘BioWare-style’ game, and certainly I don’t think anyone would argue that Mass Effect is not a ‘BioWare-style’ game. So that term has to evolve as the studio continues. But I think for whatever reason, for a variety of reasons, I guess, with Anthem we were worried that maybe we’d pushed it a bit too far. And then I guess we did.”

Interviewer: “Did you enjoy any part of working on Anthem, or was it just a matter of putting out so many fires that it was just nothing but stress til the end?”

Mark: “It was stressful for me. I mean. I have a weird - the last ten years of my career at BioWare seemed to involve a lot of helping people land their planes. And that’s what Anthem was for me, I wasn't there from the beginning. I was helping to land it. I think there’s a satisfaction that comes with landing a game, with finishing a product, and I felt that with Anthem as well, and there were a lot of talented people on that project that I’d never worked with before, and that was great. It was great to, y’know, figure out these people that had only ever worked on a Mass Effect, that I’d never worked with before, their skills and abilities. I really like understanding the strengths and weaknesses of a person and building around that. I didn’t really have an opportunity on Anthem to do that because y’know, we were just trying to get the plane on the ground, but I think, having learned about what those people could do, that’s very gratifying because it lets you imagine what you could do with them in the future.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, if things aligned magically, but for you you realized it never was gonna align, and it was always just right on the horizon of being able to cobble this amazing talent together and focus it down.”

Mark: “Yeah, I mean - I think that I, the mistake that I made on Anthem, I think the biggest mistake, was I’m used to getting a team that pushes back on me in a certain way. So as I’m sort’ve pushing the stick down to get the plane to hit the runway, I’m used to pushing it sort’ve too far, because I know that the team is gonna push it back and then we’re gonna end up where it should be. And I think that given the state of the team on Anthem when I came on, and given the differences in personalities of the leaders there, versus the ones that I’d been working with for ten years, that’s not what happened. I think if anything, I pushed it down, and then they grabbed it and pulled it even further, because they were desperate for help in decision-making, and I was providing decisions. And they were grabbing onto that, and so I thought we were on this glide slope [motions], I was aiming at this glide slope expecting that we were gonna be like [this], but instead we were like [this], and so we, yeah, we landed that pretty rough. But, I mean, it was my call, I’m the one that said we shouldn’t push to move this, not because I thought it was perfect, but because the only path I could see to making it way better was moving it a lot. And when you’re in the last eight, nine weeks of a project, I could only see like, if we were gonna move it, we [would] have to move it like a year. And that’s - in a public corporation that’s a hard argument to make.”

---

Mark: “One of the most expensive things a project can do is slip. Because, your team, when you do that your team is at its maximum size, so if you got 200 people working on a project and you move a month, well that’s 200 staff months, you just got a bunch more expensive just by moving a month. Whereas actually adding more people, well if you only got a month left, to add 200 staff months to a project, you gotta add 200 people, that’s a lotta people. Moving the date is one of the most expensive, and you can reach a point where it’s like, look, it’s not worth it, if we move the date it’s gonna cost more to continue this project than it’s gonna make, so we’re not gonna. But rarely is that the case, you’ve already spent the money you’ve spent, so the only cost that matters is the cost going forward.”

Interviewer: “So, do you regret not pushing for Anthem to be delayed a year or was it good just to get something on the ground so that we could start building to take it off again with a living game?”

Mark: “Yeah, honestly, I don’t regret it, the [team/game?] was tired and it didn’t have another year in it, and I think a lot of the things that are super obvious now, some of them we knew, some of them we knew, like the balance, we had done one, clean balance pass, by having QA come in and hotseat their way through the game over Christmas break. Like literally playing the game 24 hours a day. We’d done basically that once. So we knew that, we knew that. But a lot of the other things kind’ve only came out once it was out in peoples’ hands. I think the path that I wasn’t capable of seeing at the time that could’ve maybe resulted in a better game would’ve been to put it into beta, like a real beta, in the state that it was in, and run it like that and then release it a year later. But I don’t know if there was the will to do that frankly. There might be now... I think Anthem taught EA a lot of lessons.”

Mark: “[on Cyberpunk] I think many of the same things happened there [as with Anthem]. They had a team that was tired and it wasn’t ready but they couldn’t see the path to getting it more ready. If the team is too tired, just taking another two months just isn’t gonna get you what you think it’s gonna get you.” [source]

#dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #long post #longpost #mass effect: andromeda #anthem #mass effect

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ceasarslegion · 2 years ago

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Im expanding on this a bit more because i wrote this post on 2 hours of sleep and a 1 hour nap and I slept like a rock last night so i can articulate my thoughts a bit better

Noir hasn't been a widely expanded-upon genre for multiple generations now, and neo-noir is enjoyed by a select few who frequent arthouses and tend to enjoy your average grindhouse flick, so I get that the average joe in the 2020s isn't all that familiar with it. But I also don't think it's too much to ask to expect a game that is clearly a modern noir story to tell a noir narrative, and it's similarly not too much to ask its players to become at least superficially familiar with the base concepts of that genre.

Noir was a product of the post-WWII economic boom, and its main theme can be boiled down to the phrase "all that glitters is not gold." You had this seemingly prosperous America, but only prosperous to the "right" type of person. And even among that type of person, social expectations brought out the worst of them. Alcoholism was rampant, domestic violence was on the rise, racism and sexism and homophobia were deadly, mental health was in a crisis, and they were told to suck it up. Especially among the veterans they had called "heroes" only to abandon them to die the moment they needed help. America was gold-plated in its raw wealth, but chip it away and you get this rotting self-cannibalizing corpse that can only sustain itself for so long. PTSD and toxic masculinity created a deadly combination for most who suffered it, but noir was the genre that grabbed all this by the throat and forced its viewers to see it for what it was: a great big pile of shit that they'd convinced themselves was a victory just because they helped kicked the nazis out of europe.

That's why noir is so cynical in nature. It didn't use metaphors for societal issues because everyone at the time was hiding those issues behind metaphors to avoid acknowledging their existence. That's why the harsh and brutal depictions of racism, domestic violence, sexism, police brutality, and everything else it criticizes aren't glorifying it just because it depicts a society that did. You gotta step into the shoes of the social culture of the american 1940s for a second and ask yourself if today's modes of storytelling are actually the most effective for it or not before you come at a game like L.A. Noire for recreating it.

And I'm not saying you can't be uncomfortable with its heavy themes, but that discomfort was... very much the point in the noir genre. And I'm sorry this sounds harsh but your personal discomfort is not a measure of something's artistic merit, especially when the discomfort was the point. "The protagonist is so flawed and problematic and he think he's the good guy" yeah, that was the point. "The racial segregation and systemic racism is incredibly brutal and violent and you just uphold it" that was the point. "But the slurs-" that was the point. That was always the point of noir, you just might not see it under the censorship standards of the 1940s.

Personally, I think L.A. Noire does a fantastic job of reviving the noir genre in an interactive medium with the freedom of visuals and depiction that an M-rating gives it. My main criticisms of it are within the gameplay, but the things I see people maily complain about just... don't hold any salt when you consider that that's how the noir style functions. It's brutal and uncomfortable for a reason, that's just not a valid criticism. A story about a very flawed WWII veteran trying to be a good man and protect people as a police detective only to slowly realize that his efforts only contribute to a system of more violence and disparity is a... pretty run of the mill noir story. That's what I expect of it.

I cant look through the la noire tag anymore because my film degreed ass gets way too annoyed at all the people who seem to think a game with "noire" in the title functioning like the old noir genre did is emblematic of bad writing or problematic storytelling

There are definitely some gameplay mechanics that couldve been more ironed out, but "i dont like how this heavily genred game adheres to the long-established storytelling modes of that genre because i personally find it uncomfortable" isnt the critique you think it is

#self rb

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downthetubes · 3 years ago

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Italian actress Monica Vitti, known as the ‘Queen of Italian Cinema’, has died, aged 90, from Alzheimer's.

She’s best known for her work with Michelangelo Antonioni, Luis Buñuel and Ettore Scola, including L’Avventura and La Notte.

“I'll refrain from waxing lyrical on Monica Vitti's career but I'd just like to highlight her phenomenal performance in Dino Risi's ‘Noi Donne diamonds fatte così’(1971),” noted film critic Rachael Nesbit, “in which she plays 12 different roles across the 12 segments. An utter joy to watch her transform from role to role.” (https://twitter.com/rachael_nisbet/status/1488959380884234242?s=21)

Her death announced on Twitter by former Italian culture minister Walter Veltroni broke the news of Vitti’s death with a tweet. He said he had been asked to do so by Roberto Russo, Vitti’s husband, and expressed his “pain, affection and regret”. (https://twitter.com/veltroniwalter/status/1488832020029575168?s=21)

In 1966, she took the lead role in the Joseph Losey-directed adaptation of Modesty Blaise.

A film which had previously been announced as a Hammer Film production by Michael Carreras, after Curse of the Mummy's Tomb. What a shame it took the route it did, resulting in her fantastic work, in films such as Antonioni's ‘L'Avventura’ being overlooked by some in tributes.

“Vitti was incredible in Antonioni's ‘Red Desert’,” (“ll Deserto Rosso”) notes Slate film critic Dana Stevens, “a film about a woman watching her world being slowly destroyed by the pollution from toxic petrochemical plant her husband manages - a 1964 movie that, looking back, was already about the anxiety of climate change.” (https://twitter.com/thehighsign/status/1488879814501187585?s=21)

"I played at being someone else in movies and live theatre,” she once said, “and at being myself in life's most intense, fascinating game - the game of love."

Monica Vitti

3 November 1931, Rome, Italy- 2 February 2022, Rome, Italy

WEB LINKS

• La repubblica - https://www.repubblica.it/spettacoli/cinema/2022/02/02/news/monica_vitti-249574730/

• The Guardian https://www.theguardian.com/film/2022/feb/02/monica-vitti-queen-of-italian-cinema-dies-aged-90

• Remembering Monica Vitti https://www.criterion.com/current/posts/7682-monica-vitti-from-alienated-beauty-to-madcap-comedienne

#monica vitti

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yellowocaballero · 4 years ago

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Human Relations Snippet: Jon and Sasha versus Bad Telenovelas

This is a birthday request from @hihereami who wanted something very Latin American and an excuse to show me her favorite shows. This takes place in early Season 3, before Jude Perry but with Sasha working at the office. Jon fudged some stuff. It features incredibly stupid office dynamics, bad relationships, and a shared history that produced two very different people. Happy birthday, Ami!

CW as usual for Human Relations: explicitly discussed transphobia, references to 19th century racism, and a depiction of a platonic abusive relationship.

Sasha now understood that she was talking to an expert.

“Fine,” she said grudgingly, gathering the papers back up. She left out her great outline and timetable, though, because Martin should definitely appreciate it. “But the number one rule here is to keep up an active support system, right? Which means Jon needs more than just you.” Martin gave her a hilariously prissy look, which she responded with an equally prissy one. “He thinks we have a psychic bond or something.” They did but Sasha didn’t want to admit that. “Look, I’ve been harassing Jon for months about how shitty Jonah is. But if he’s going to listen to me, he needs to know that...I guess that I care about him more than I hate Jonah. That I’m not doing it out of spite or with some ulterior motive to get something out of him.”

Martin closed the manila folder, carefully attaching a label on it and writing down their coded filing system on the tab. “You don’t care about him more than you hate Jonah. You are doing this with ulterior motives. But it would be pretty hypocritical of me to care about that, so...he likes television? And he likes hearing about your life and the things important to you. He’s like this historical, cultural, political, anthropological sponge. I mean, he knows everything about everything, but it’s his passion. So if you want to combine the two…”

And, of course, once Martin said that then the answer was obvious.

Sasha liked to be the smartest person in the room.

The problem with people like Sasha was that, very frequently, they were the smartest person in the room. For seventeen years of her life Sasha had been remarkably and thoroughly assured that she would go places, she was really going to make all of us proud, she’s going to take care of us in our old age, Mrs. Pérez’s son just wastes every day with his girlfriend but here you are, studying all day with your complete lack of friends!

Once she skipped town - well, town, country, Americas, oceans - all of that had been replaced with shiny grades and the bragging rights of Oxford and the implicit looming pressure of her scholarship. Sasha had always been the smartest person in the room. She couldn’t afford anything else - not if she wanted someone to care, not if she wanted to get anywhere in life.

Every adult was somewhat of a child inside: happily ignoring a toy until it was taken away, at which point they would scream and scream. And when Sasha didn’t feel like the smartest person in the room - or, worse, others didn’t see her as the smartest person in the room - there was nothing tolerable about it.

Upon retrospect, workplace and academic discrimination, in addition to some healthy insecurity, bothered her so much that she sold her soul to the devil about it, but apparently this was an semi-common occurrence. Abuela had been right. Teach Sasha to doubt her again.

Mrs. Pérez’s son probably hadn’t accidentally sold his soul to the devil. He and his girlfriend were probably happy with their hard working but low-paying jobs, their cute little smattering of babies, and their mass every week. They’d have long, happy lives, and the amount of life-or-death situations they were put in were probably no more than usual.

Well. Sasha would literally rather die than do that, and that resolve had been tested very thoroughly. She stood by it. Sasha had never regretted a decision she made in her life, besides the ones that sold her soul to the devil, and also maybe some things about Tim. But most of her decisions were good. And even if they weren’t good, she stubbornly stood by them.

That’s why this was difficult. For all of Sasha’s insecurity reasons that, to be fair, had mostly drifted into the background of her life while she had been on the run for murder. And because it was Martin.

“Sasha, I’m not sure what help I can give you.”

Godfuckingdammit.

“Please?” Sasha slid into the seat across from Martin, giving him her best big cow eyes. “Don’t hog the emotional manipulation. You’re the expert in making Jon do what you want, just...work your magic!”

Martin looked up from the statement he was organizing shot Sasha an extremely flat look. Martin was extremely good at looking extremely unimpressed. “Because I’m the one who can magically make people do what I want.”

Sasha winced. “At least you didn’t sell your soul to a demon about it?”

“I know you tell yourself a lot of people do that to make yourself feel better about doing it, but literally nobody does that.” At Sasha’s double wince, Martin sighed. “Don’t listen to Jonah. You didn’t do anything a normal, non-satanic person wouldn’t do. If I could…” Martin trailed off slightly, staring a little in the distance, before shaking back to himself. “I’m not helping you manipulate Jon. That’s my place in this ecosystem.”

“Then we should team up,” Sasha wheedled. She reached into her briefcase - which nowadays contained little more than alcohol and Statements, she wasn’t sure that Georgie had been a good influence on her - and yanked out the print-outs before slapping it on the table. “See, I did research!”

Martin slid the papers closer to him, leafing through them quickly. Sasha waited for him to look very impressed and appreciative of how socially competent yet intellectual she was, but he didn’t look very impressed at all. “ “Help someone in an Abusive or Controlling relationship”, ‘3 ways to support someone stuck in a controlling relationship’, ‘How can I help someone in a toxic relationship’...”

“You aren’t going to deny it, are you?” Sasha asked heatedly. “Because Tim just does not get what I mean no matter how many leaflets I show him because he ‘framed me for murder’ or whatever -”

“Do not pretend as if you’re forgiven him for the murder thing.”

“I fucking hate his guts over it. I will never, ever forgive either of them.” Sasha’s heart spiked in her chest, and she forced herself to take a few calming breaths. “This is a problem. Jon and Jonah are a problem. I don’t think we’re in a position to take on Jonah right now - even if I am working on it. But Jon is a weak link here. We know he’s impossible to kill -” At Martin’s extremely alarmed look, Sasha quickly elaborated, “ - and I wouldn’t want to, although he would really technically deserve it with all of his human rights violations. It would be far easier, and a better use of our resources, if we got Jon to our side. Then hopefully those two could...blow each other up, or something.”

Martin stared at her, expression implacable. Sasha became abruptly aware that she had just threatened to blow up this guy’s semi-boyfriend, and resisted the urge to apologize. She wasn’t apologetic. This was what she had to do, and Sasha always did what had to be done. It didn’t matter if she hated Jon so much that she wanted him dead, when he would be more useful to her alive. It doesn’t matter if she knew that, deep down, Jon was an exceptionally kind and caring person who loved very deeply, and that who he was now was a product of a great deal of influences mostly out of his control. If he was who Sasha was going to turn into, given enough time.

She would stick to the plan. Sasha was going to get herself and her Assistants - including Melanie now, for some reason, who still refused to believe them about the psychic vampire thing despite how many times Jon confessed to it - out of this.

Finally, Martin said, “I’m not going to deny it, Sasha. I’ve printed out all those guides, I’ve read all of the books, I’ve done everything. I’ve been working on this since - I think since I decided that I loved Jon more than I hated him. I’ve got Jon’s trust. And, way more importantly, Jonah is convinced that I’m harmless. He doesn’t pay any attention to me. I think he, like, secretly hates it whenever Jon has someone - whatever. But he is obsessed with everything you do.” At Sasha’s disturbed look, Martin shrugged. “He micromanages. Jon complains about it. I don’t think Jon gets that he really spills the cards on all of Jonah’s plans when he gets drunk and bitches about him.”

Sasha now understood that she was talking to an expert.

“Fine,” she said grudgingly, gathering the papers back up. She left out her great outline and timetable, though, because Martin should definitely appreciate it. “But the number one rule here is to keep up an active support system, right? Which means he needs more than just you.” Martin gave her a hilariously prissy look, which she responded with an equally prissy one. “He thinks we have a psychic bond or something.” They did but Sasha didn’t want to admit that. “Look, I’ve been harassing him for months about how shitty Jonah is. But if he’s going to listen to me, he needs to know that...I guess that I care about him more than I hate Jonah. That I’m not doing it out of spite or with some ulterior motive to get something out of him.”

And, of course, once Martin said that then the answer was obvious.

*******

Sasha was now willing to admit that Martin was smarter than she was.

It was always kind of a crapshoot when looking for Jon. He was only around the Institute half the time, probably less, and he refused to buy a cell phone so anybody could stay in contact with him. Tim had also flatly refused, because Jon would inevitably go to him for help with figuring it out, and apparently that could take hours. Sasha had volunteered to help Jon with accessing some online archives, and apparently she had explained it so confusingly that Jon was left refusing to touch a computer for a month.

The farthest they could go was convincing him to take a Jitterbug for emergencies. Tim had taken great pains to explain the LifeAlert function, to Jon’s increasing lack of amusement. When Sasha had explained the adventure to Georgie, a known social media sensation over wine at their weekly girls night, she had found it hilarious and was very impressed.

“Jon must be really attached to you guys,” Georgie had said, carefully nibbling at her luxury chocolate. Girl’s nights with Georgie were decadent. “I mean, not that he doesn’t talk about all of you nonstop, but he can spend ten years incorporating the Beholding into every piece of technology in the country while willfully refusing to learn how to work a computer.”

Sasha hadn’t missed Georgie’s word choice - deliberately refusing instead of an incapability to learn - but something else in the sentence was stranger to her. “I thought he was all about all kinds of knowledge.”

“I hear that the future can be terrifying for a lot of people,” Georgie had said wisely. “No matter how much of it they experience.”

“Is it terrifying for you?”

“Goodness, no.” Georgie had flashed her a bright grin - not so much a showing of teeth as it was a peek at a bone-white skeleton. “I always know what the future holds.”

As it stood, Sasha got lucky today. She wasn’t forced to make Jon use his dreaded phone, and as a result she wasn’t forced to understand what the fuck Jon did all day. He was in the Magnus Institute, and when Jon was in the Institute there were three places he could be.

The Archives, which Sasha had just come from. The Institute Library, occasionally terrifying the graduate students and more frequently helping them write their papers. Sasha had heard that they had communally begun sacrificing one grad student to his hunger per week in exchange for study sessions. Which...she should discourage...whatever, it was probably ethical. Or, at the very least, voluntary.

The only other location Jon visited was Magnus’ office, where he could spend hours relaxing on the evil little bastard’s couch and annoying him. That was a last resort scenario, and was usually saved for complete and total emergencies.

Thankfully, today, Sasha found Jon in the ‘D’s. He was lying on his back, legs propped up on the bookshelf across from him, reading what looked like a very fascinating philosophy text regarding humanity’s search for aliens that Sasha silently resolved to borrow from him later. He didn’t look up when Sasha approached, so she carefully tipped a book off the shelf above him to fall on his head.

He yelped, dropping his book and sitting upright. He rubbed at his head, scowling, and Sasha saw that he had restyled his hair since the last time she had seen him. It had been growing long, but instead of cutting it and returning to his short twists styled into a loose curtain over his forehead he had pulled it back into a puffy bun. It was...somewhat more fashion forward than Sasha had ever seen from him. He had swapped his greatcoat for a primmer and shorter pea coat. Even his glasses were now thin-rimmed, circular, and kind of stylish.

“Oh my god,” Sasha said, “has Martin started dressing you?”

“Martin can barely even dress himself,” Jon said automatically. “It was Georgie. She said I have to ‘clean up nice’ if I ever ‘want a man’. What does any of that mean?”

“Isn’t it kind of weird that your wife is setting you up with someone?”

“The concept of monogamy becomes ridiculous after the first eighty years,” Jon said, also automatically. Then Sasha’s words sunk into his brain, and he flushed. “Georgie and I aren’t together right now! And she’s not setting me up with - how can you even consider - what makes you think I’m a homosexual -”

Sasha stared at him flatly. Jon gave up.

“Just let me know if I need to explain gay shit to you,” Sasha said. “It’ll cost a hundred pounds for me to explain queerness and three hundred if you want to learn about trans issues. Recompense for my emotional labor.”

“Young people think they invented these things. It’s ridiculous.” Jon stored the book back on the bookshelf behind him without looking, before carefully dropping his feet and rolling up. Sasha’s back ached in sympathy. Some people got all of the demon deal luck. “What does Martin say? ‘People are gay, Steven’? Historical figures are gay and trans, Sasha.”

“...are you a historical figure that’s -”

“I apologize for being a cisgender man that’s ruined your life, yes.” Jon arched an eyebrow at her as Sasha spent a second in confused agony over whether or not she was getting through to this guy. “I assume there’s no emergency, considering this conversation, so why are you here?”

There was no way to make this offer sound genuine. Jon would look for the catch - because there was one - or what she was trying to pull. There was something she was trying to pull, but she wasn’t about to admit it.

In the end, Sasha settled for a fragment of honesty in her heart. Jon always had a way of drawing that out of people.

“I haven’t watched my telenovelas in years. And I don’t know anybody else who speaks Spanish, and so much of it doesn’t translate that I refuse to watch it subbed with someone else, and they’re something I used to watch every night but now I haven’t seen them in years. And you speak Spanish. So.”

Jon stared at her, blinking owlishly, before his mouth twitched into a small smile. It flowered, moving from a hesitant movement of the lips into a real, close-lipped smile that sent his usually severe and sharp expression into something resembling excitement. Understated enthusiasm over novelty.

How weird, Sasha thought. That you could be 200 years old and still find excitement over something novel. Over something new. Or, maybe, over someone choosing to trust you with a part of their lives.

Or maybe it wasn’t that weird. How could someone keep living for that long if something as simple as this didn’t bring you joy? Sasha was only thirty four and she already felt so tired of life, all the time. Either tired or overwhelmed. She wondered if Jon still felt overwhelmed.

“Sounds like fun,” Jon said. “Can I bring my notebook?”

“...yeah, sure.” Sasha paused, almost uncertain. “Hey. When you get to, like, two hundred -”

“Technically two hundred and twenty.”

“When you get to two hundred and twenty, do you finally feel like an adult?”

Jon stared at her, faintly surprised, before his expression settled into something a little wry. “Anybody who says that they ever feel like an adult is a liar. That’s how you know that Jonah’s full of shit.”

Somehow, it was almost a little reassuring.

First time she had ever said that about Jon.

********

Their adventures, of course, were quickly throttled by practicalities.

Sasha suggested just watching it on a laptop, but Jon’s expression had wrinkled in distaste. Jon suggested just watching it at her place, but Sasha liked to pretend that he didn’t know where she lived. Far too much intimacy, and somewhat hilariously Jon seemed very awkward about being alone with a woman in her flat. Also they were still working, technically.

Martin, overhearing their argument in the Archives as Sasha collected her laptop, suggested Jon’s place, since it was pretty nice and cozy and close to the Archives. This forbidden knowledge, the shining proof that sometimes a little knowledge could be a terrible and traumatizing thing, the sheer mental image that imprinted itself behind her eyelids, shook Sasha to her core.

“For christ’s sake,” Martin said, “we are not fucking.”

“Sounds like someone who’s fucking our boss would say!” Tim called, from his position asleep on the break room couch. Sasha had spent roughly five hours yesterday convincing him that her plan to manipulate Jon’s psychological weaknesses was the most effective defense against evil fear powers that they had, and since he had lost the argument he was now resentfully napping on the couch. “If I walk in on you doing it in the office over a desk I’m going to fucking kill both of you and then myself!”

“Does this place have an HR?” Melanie asked, from where she was sitting at her desk actually trying to work. “Can I report all of you to HR? Please?”

“Jon can hardly fire himself,” Sasha told her sympathetically. “This shit will all make sense if you accept the fact that -”

“God, I get it, enough with the workplace hazing!” Melanie threw up her hands, as Jon unsubtly whispered something in Martin’s ear that made him blush. “You can all drop it now, it was never funny!”

“If Sasha just let me prove it to you,” Jon said, exasperated, “then you can see -”

Simultaneously, all three of them snapped, “Do not!”, cowing Jon immensely.

Tim was no help in problem-solving, since he was resentful that Sasha was doing this at all. He had been spending almost all of his time lately throwing himself into research into the rituals, into anything that explained the strange and obscure rigor of this universe. Jon only explained as much to them as Jonah let him, and the most he ever did was mysteriously drop off boxes that held a lot of information about clowns and sawdust.

He always seemed a little surly as he did it. Sometimes he looked very guilty. Sasha noticed, every time. She couldn’t afford not to.

All Sasha could try to do for Tim was help him. Their relationship had already been fractured by the way they kept secrets from each other, and although they both wanted to repair it they were forced to confront the fact that now they had to tell each other things. Accept help. Sasha hated acknowledging that she couldn’t do everything by herself, and Tim hated putting Sasha in the danger he relentlessly and suicidally threw himself into, but neither of them would let the other continue on their self-destructive path.

It wasn’t sweet. But it was the most solid and tangible proof Sasha had that they loved each other. Maybe it was the most solid proof anybody could have: that, in life or death, they’d choose wherever you were.

If Sasha followed Tim into whatever dangerous shit he was getting himself into, then he would be more careful. Tim wouldn’t survive it if he lost her, and she knew it.

Between her and Tim, and Jon and Martin...why did all of their relationships feel like mutually assured destruction?

Eventually, Jon’s solution was, as usual, the worst one. Jon’s solution to every problem always worked, but it was always the one thing that nobody wanted to do and that everyone hated. But anything else was either vetoed or improbable, and Sasha refused to back out once she committed to something, so that was how Sasha stuffed a laptop and an HDMI cable into her bag to trail behind Jon as they rode the elevator up to the third floor.

The number three rule of the Archives was not relevant right now (let Sasha have two cups of coffee before bothering her about how terrible their lives were). But the number two rule of the Archives was this: don’t fuck with Rosie. They both gave her their brightest grins as they passed, impeccably polite without actually asking if Jonah was inside. Rosie smiled munificently at them and complemented Sasha on her heels. They were in. They were now breaking the number one rules of the Archives.

The number one rule of the Archives was, of course, this: never talk to Jonah Magnus unnecessarily.

On the bright side, from this perspective Sasha could see how Jon worked his magic - that is, how he always entered Jonah’s office through kicking the door open and infuriating the other man tremendously. He actually took the time to open the door a crack first, completely silently and almost imperceptibly, before crashing it open in as annoying a way as physically possible.

“I need your fucking office!” Jon called.

When Sasha poked her head in behind him, she was treated to the sight of a terrified employee cowering in the hard plastic chair in front of Jonah’s desk. Sasha was well aware how that chair could feel like an electric chair. Across from him, Jonah looked distinctly unamused, already kneading his brow.

“I’m in a meeting, Jon.”

“Good for you.” Jon pointed at the door, and the employee silently scurried out. “Not anymore. Now fuck off, I need your office.”

Impossibly, Jonah looked even more unamused. “Fucking your Archivist on my desk in the middle of the day is a bit beyond the pale even for you, Jon.”

Sasha was immediately so fucking disgusted that she switched into Spanish and called him a great deal of incredibly rude things for an incredibly long period of time.

Talking over her, Jon said, “Take out your resentment over 1899 on someone else. We want your television, we’re watching Sasha’s programmes.”

“Right. Like how you and that boy Martin are always watching programmes -”

“Me cago en tu puta madre--”

“Honestly, Jonah, just because you had all of those men over for revision of your manuscripts doesn’t mean everyone’s as euphemistic as you are. And Sasha, that’s remarkably vulgar.”

For the first time, Jonah looked alarmed. “What is she saying?”

“Sólo porque tienes un rabo chiquito -”

“Go learn Spanish.”

“Ms. James, this is a professional office, and -”

“Melanie’s fucking right, we need a fucking HR.” Now this was a matter of pride. Sasha flounced into the office, collapsing onto one of the dumb uncomfortable leather couches facing one of those screens that rich people had in their offices to show their powerpoint slides or whatever. “I’m going to Stare you to death if you don’t leave us alone to watch telly.”

Hilariously, Jonah looked at Jon, alarmed. “Can she do that?”

Jon opened his mouth, before Sasha shot him a look. “She’s progressing amazingly rapidly. At this point, not even I know what she’s capable of.”

What a wingman. Jonah looked faintly uncomfortable, but he went back to his computer anyway instead of doing the rational thing and getting out. “This grant is due in three days, Jon, and I have no time for your little fancies. Do what you will, but leave me out of it.”

Sasha was not thrilled at the prospect of Jonah fucking Magnus hanging out in the background while Sasha and Jon watched telenovelas. She’d be outnumbered by the evil fear demons, for one. But Sasha had a sneaking suspicion, and maybe if she couldn’t genuinely stop this guy’s evil plans she could annoy him to death.

At the very least, it would make her feel better. Sasha was beginning to recognize the value of anything that just made you fucking feel better. Maybe Tim was onto something with constantly being a giant bitch all the time.

“Ignore that cunt,” Sasha said in Spanish, catching Jon’s attention as she stood up to plug in the HDMI cable and turn on the television. “I got crisps and chocolate in my bag, I’m putting on Marimar.”

“Is she insulting me again?” Jonah asked. “Jon, what’s she saying?”

“I’m afraid I only consume trauma,” Jon said, also switching to Spanish. His accent was fucking bizarre. He sounded like her great uncle, or an even worse version of Sucedió en La Habana. At her boggled look, he elaborated, “The Witness gifted me with understanding of all languages very early in my development, but it bestowed verbal fluency in...1910? Perhaps? I’m afraid that without a little practice and frequent use I’m a little bit stuck there. I was able to beat my Chinese and Russian into sounding modern, but I’m afraid that people now tell me my Chinese is somewhat 1960s and my Russian is fairly 1980s.” He scowled. “Why does modernity change so much?”

“I think telenovelas can fix this for you,” Sasha decided. She paused a beat as Jon sat down beside her, a careful distance away. “The Witness? Is that a weird translation thing? You called it the Beholding last time.”

Jon shifted, a little guiltily. In English, he said, “The term Beholding’s better...it’s more academic, and more people use it…”

“What are you two -”

“Is ‘The Witness’ your word?” Sasha asked, and to her horror she found her tone almost gentle. It was almost easier, in her own words.

This time Jon truly looked uncomfortable, and he shifted back into Spanish - perhaps, Sasha thought, because Jonah could not understand it. “Smirke contributed all of the nomenclature for this, and he never...well, none of Jonah’s little circle liked me very much.”

“Wow, wonder why.”

“Exoticism only gets you so far, I suppose,” Jon joked weakly, before sharply swerving the subject. “I always felt as if it gave me its own name. When I began to understand, really understand what it was and how we could feed each other...I felt as if it told me. And that’s what it told me. So it’s always been my name.”

Hm. Sasha wondered what it was like, to have your religion be - so tangible, so grounded. Sasha believed, and she had faith with all of her heart, but - well, you wouldn’t need faith if you had incontestable proof. Faith was about believing because you knew something in your heart. But Jon...when he had nothing else, maybe, he had this.

“I just put down ‘James’ because I thought it would make that small-dicked asshole more likely to hire me,” Sasha finally offered, her only equivalent for something like this. “Tell you what. Call me James Martinez, and I’ll curse the name of the Witness, okay? If you’d like me to.”

Jon brightened, and for a second Sasha saw her own faith in his brilliant green eyes. “My gift is shared with you, Sasha. Of course you can.”

It was not a gift. It was a terrible and disgusting curse, and it was one that Jon had inflicted upon her. But Sasha was playing nice...and this was knowledge, understanding Jon was knowledge that could save her life one day...and there was something strange about Jon’s hesitant and multi-barbed trust.

It had to be the trust of somebody who had it betrayed a hundred, thousand times. But he gave it so easily, and he reached out incessantly. Sasha knew lots of people who cared too much, although she had never been one of them - Tim and Martin, for one - but she could already see how it was making them a little bitter and jaded.

Jon wasn’t. Sasha didn’t know why.

So Sasha kicked off her heels, tucking her legs underneath her as she pulled up her favorite episode of Marimar on her laptop. It was a comfort show, having context wouldn’t help, she had rights.

“Okay,” Sasha began, a little aggressively, “we’re starting a lot of the way in, so I have to catch you up. Like a lot of telenovela protagonists, Marimar is a wholesome young girl who lives in a little sad hut shack on the beach and she can’t read. She’s raised by her grandparents and her dog talks. This is the essential premise of the show.”

“Wow,” Jon whispered, “just like me.”

“I - okay, you are not obligated to give me your backstory, but what?”

“Martin keeps calling me a ‘sad little Victorian orphan’,” Jon said defensively. “And dogs talk to me too!”

“...what do they say?”

“If you’d believe it, nothing interesting.” He paused a beat. “But Georgie’s cat is kind of a psychopath, if that helps.”

“That’s a stereotype against cats,” Sasha accused. “Just because humans don’t understand cat body language -”

“Oh, no, cats are lovely, my favorite animal. But the Admiral’s kind of a freak.”

“If you two are going to sit here and trash talk me in my own office,” Jonah said, aggravated, “then please at least take it outside.”

Actually, this was a great idea.

Sasha ran through the plot of Marimar, down to the love interest with the terrible chest hair (Jon and Sasha then got into an argument over chest hair that was so heated that Sasha suspected Martin had chest hair), the evil step-mother (they both agreed that women in soaps tended to fall within the madonna/whore complex), and the weird amounts of humiliation. Sasha loved to hate Mr. Douchey McChesthair in this one - he wooed Marimar and promised to raise her up from poverty, but he ended up ditching her when she wasn’t refined enough for him. She wins him back at the end with her nice dresses and inherited money, and they settle down with a baby and a big house. Sasha always hated the ending. Marimar should have become a career woman.

“It’s massively cheesy,” Sasha warned, finally playing the episode and letting the cheery theme song play, “so don’t sit here and point out the logical inconsistencies. We know. It’s part of the experience.”

But Jon just arched an eyebrow, unbuttoning his own pea cot to throw over the back of the sofa and lounge in his seat. “Watching telenovelas, in the office of the Director of the facility where you work, with his boss, in London, is the experience? And we’re all - how do you put it - evil fear demons?”

“You haven’t met my auntie,” Sasha said darkly. But she ended up shaking her head too, picking at her stockings a little. “The experience is...eleven pm, and the whole house is dark. The kitchen light is on, this flickering yellow thing that pops and buzzes. There’s cicadas outside, and somewhere you can hear someone playing music too loudly. Dad’s in his ripped up armchair, snoring. Mom’s on the couch, reading a magazine. They’re only half-paying attention, but it’s late, and you feel like you never get enough time with them. So you sit on the couch next to Mom, and because neither of them say anything you watch the show with all of your attention, just happy to be near them...it’s family bonding, you think. It feels like it.”

Jon was silent, staring at her. Not fixedly, or intensely - just looking, as if he was waiting patiently to see if she would say anything else. But Sasha trailed off, picking at her stockings, until she forced herself to stop. She didn’t want to say anything else. She was worried that he would know what she wasn’t saying. He always did.

“My grandmother couldn’t read,” Jon said finally, and Sasha fought the surprise. Jon never talked about this, not in any specific words. “But she would darn clothing by the fire at night. She did it for the neighborhood and earned some extra money.”

“What about you?” Sasha asked, hoping it was a safe topic. “What did you do?”

Jon grinned at her, sharp and amused. “I got into trouble.”

They both turned their attention back to the television, and Sasha silently mouthed the words along with the screen as Jon paid rapt attention.

It was later in the show, when Marimar was showing up all of the people who did her dirty when she was poor. She had a fine dress, lingering on the arm of her rich and kind of creepy father, and she walked around with her head held up high. Her old husband who treated her terribly saw her at the opera and he was stunned by how hot and cool she was now.

“Good for her!” Jon said abruptly. “Go find someone better, Marimar!”

“Oh my god,” Sasha groaned. “She ends up with him!”

“What!”

Quicker than Sasha would ever have expected, Jon got wrapped up in the episode. He gasped with her at the right parts, cheered at the screen whenever Marimar said something particularly sassy, and they booed whenever Douchey McChesthair showed up.

When Sasha glanced behind her - not that she did - she saw Jonah fixedly ignoring them. He was gritting his teeth a little. Every so often he would glance at the screen, obviously look terribly confused, then go back to his computer.

When the credits rolled Jon declared this second-hand trauma, which terrified Sasha deeply but raised interesting questions about her own future diet.

“It’s about the humiliation, fear, and voyeurism,” Jon told her. “Supernatural trauma and devastation tastes rather similar to these telenovelas.”

“...what do they taste like?”

Jon thought hard. “Taste, but if it was a feeling.”

“...what’s the -”

“What’s the feeling you have?”

Sasha was forced to concede the point, and put on another episode.

In this one, Marimar’s new dad tied tragically, and she very cunningly has him sign all of his money over to her. Sasha cheered her on very enthusiastically, and Jon agreed that Marimar was the definition of girlboss, but he found it kind of a dick move.

“I thought you hated pretentious, old money rich white Britons,” Sasha accused. She knew that Martin had been working on him and trying to convert him to socialism,, but it was slow going.

“I do hate entitled, old money people,” Jon said shortly. “But it’s hardly illegal to work your way up the social ladder and improve your station in life. Marimar isn’t putting the work in, she’s just inheriting all of this blood money. If she doesn’t make something of her life then what’s the point in all of that suffering?”

“You do know how social mobility is a lie fed to the lower class by the upper class to keep them complacently participating in the system, right?”

“I’m not saying many people do it,” Jon said, ignoring Marimar’s grotesquely fake sobbing, “but it’s possible. I’ve met plenty of people who worked hard and became successful.”

“Yeah, and those people were lucky. Most of us just sit around in poverty and suffer.” Sasha rolled her eyes, unwrapping her chocolate bar. “Not all of us can be Dr. Faust.”

“You didn’t sit around,” Jon said, turning to face her. Sasha didn’t meet his eyes, focusing on her chocolate instead. “You were smart, you worked your way up, you got your scholarship, and now you’re part of something far greater than yourself. You took what happened to you and you used to make you stronger, just like I did. Anybody can do it if they work hard enough.”

Sasha’s teeth clamped down on the chocolate.

Abruptly, stupidly, she got angry.

“I’m not better than the thousands of other trans women who got kicked out, Jon,” Sasha snapped, but Jon didn’t flinch. “I’m just luckier! I know I worked hard, but I’m not more - more worthy of what I have than the brave women back home who have nothing. And I’m not going to stomp on them to make myself feel better like you do!”

“I do not -” Jon started, outraged, but Sasha cut him off.

“You tell yourself that you worked hard for the security, money, education that you never got as a child! But you deserved all of that! That’s shit that anybody who lives deserves. But because you think of it as some kind of stupid reward, then it’s something that can be taken away. And when what you have can be taken away at any moment, then you have nothing!”

She cut herself off abruptly, unwilling and incapable of saying anything more. There were lines you couldn’t cross with Jon, and lines that she didn’t deserve to cross no matter how callous he was. She couldn’t accuse him of forgetting where he came from, or of betraying his people. Sasha knew well that Jon had never forgotten, not for a second.

He had just - twisted everything around. He had to justify to himself what he’d done, so he’d taken the truth and molded it to fit his own desires and call it holy.

It had killed her. It had killed her, how Jon told her that they were the same, but he did all of this shit to her anyway. But maybe that was no surprise: Jon hadn’t done anything to her that he hadn’t done to everybody else, and he hadn’t made any justifications to himself about his behavior towards her that he hadn’t made about everybody else.

You couldn’t live like he did with emotional honesty. Good people could do bad things - Sasha knew that better than anyone - but it required a truly disgusting level of willful blindness and cowardice that Sasha had never tolerated.

“Nobody gave me being a woman,” Sasha whispered, too full of - something, to even look at Jon. “I didn’t take it from anyone. I didn’t steal it. It was something that I always deserved, and that I always was. And because of that, nobody will ever take it away from me.” She exhaled heavily, forcing herself to stop shaking. “Nobody can make me something I’m not. Not even you.”

Jon stared at her, toxic green eyes wide and something foreign in his expression. It looked almost as if he believed her. Ha. “Sasha, I -”

“I swear, it’s like you two are making an effort to be as intrusive as possible. Jon, can’t you control your own Archivist?”

Jon almost jumped, as if he had forgotten that Jonah was in the room at all. Something in his chest seized closer, and a year ago Sasha would have just called it a twitch.

It wasn’t. It was an aborted, concealed cringe, seen only once before. But there was only one other person in this world who cared about that.

“Jonah!” Jon said, switching back to English immediately. “Sorry, we were just - having a really heated discussion about - uh, about -”

“Brujeria and how it changed when adopted by members of the Catholic church,” Sasha said smoothly. “I think his weird compulsion thing is just advanced witchcraft.”

“Yes! Yes, of course - you remember, I took inspiration from p - pagan rituals, you know, for our early work. I think you called it -”

“Bizarre?” Jonah asked, arching an eyebrow. “Jon, there were bones involved.” Jon silently pointed at the human skull taking up proud residence in Jonah’s cabinet of curiosities. “That’s different, a friend gave me that.”

“ ‘Have you seen Barnabas lately, Jonah’, I said. ‘He hasn’t seemed to have written lately’, I said. ‘Have you grown distant?’, I said. And you said -”

“Yes, he was very distant,” Jonah said dryly. “You hardly complained. You hated the man.”

“I hated all of your friends,” Jon said. He was smiling, once again relaxed with his arm spread over the back of the couch. Sasha furiously bit into a chip. “Didn’t mean you let them die.”

“Yes, but he was your least favorite, so I figured there was no harm done there.”

Improbably, Jon brightened. He smiled again, a curved slash of the mouth that had always been reserved for Jonah. It always spoke of secrets, a private joke. “You do care.”

“I’ll care more if you stop chattering when I’m trying to get us funded for another cycle.”

“Whatever.” Jon turned to face the screen again, letting the smile fall into a curiously blank expression. “Next episode, Sasha?”

“Sure,” Sasha said slowly. “But it only gets worse from here.”

It would never stop being weird how - well, maybe that was no wonder. How could Sasha begin to understand a relationship as strange and esoteric as theirs? Two hundred years in the making, forged by cruelty and passion? Two lives, intertwined so closely they fed in a parasitic loop, starving the other to feed themselves?

“Oh, I don’t mind a little tragedy,” Jon said. He spoke in English, vowels carefully rounded, posh accent meticulously stretching his words. “It’s the most entertaining.”

Sasha thought about print-outs. She thought about a many-eyed, malicious tumor of fear and pain consuming humanity alive. She thought about the face of God, and the tired and resigned face of Martin. When Sasha spoke, she stayed in Spanish.

“Even though she gets married to Mr. Douchey McChestHair at the end?”

“I’m sure he’s not all bad,” Jon said, and wouldn’t say anything more.

#my writing #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #sasha james #timothy stoker #jonah magnus #elias bouchard #tma #the magnus archives #tma fanfic #the magnus archives fanfiction #everything said about marimar is real #however inauthentic because I ended up using the funny or die recap #me: i am not writing any more hr #my friends: but what if you did?#been seeing so many weird takes about abusive friendships lately i feel the need to very pointedly ask the question #what is the nature of the power dynamic between jon and jonah?

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