#and he was the cool kid and now they're on even footing on this trip

[dcminions]

the urge to do indie rp again ..... i have plots in mind ...... i have PAIRINGS in mind omg lemme relax

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Kink Realization + degradation?

"Don't be disgusting." Shigaraki says it to him while they're in a late-night planning session. He says that in response to him mouthing off and saying that AFO's fixation on them nabbing kids is creepy as shit. He's right that it is, but maybe implying that the guy who adopted his boss when he was young might have had reasons beyond the usual villainy was a bad look in momentary hindsight. But Dabi doesn't take the words back. He's a little too busy wondering why he kind of got warmer when the other said that. Whatever. Weird, but his whole life is weird. He goes on with their night. 

///

He doesn't have as easy of a time ignoring it when he comes through one of Kurogiri's portals, tripping on the sudden shift from cracked pavement to hardwood floors and losing his balance as Jin, Compress, and Toga come racing out after him. He falls on the floor, thankfully between the couch and coffee table instead of onto Duster's lap or into the hard edge of the furniture, and he rolls onto his back, meaning to push himself up quickly, but instead, a red sneaker lands on his sternum and keeps him pressed to the floor. Shigaraki looks down at him, his expression cool behind the hand on his face.

"Report." 

"Can you let a guy stand up first?" He gripes, reaching to push away the other's foot. He barely gets his fingers on the hem of his jeans before Shigaraki is grinding his shoe a little harder into Dabi's chest, stealing the breath from him. 

"No. Besides, you're nothing but a dog right now. Prove you were worth training and bark, puppy." 

He thinks he's supposed to set Shigaraki on fire for that, but he can't find his quirk, he can barely find his tongue as his entire body goes hot with arousal instead of fury. 

"Tomura Shigaraki," Kurogiri's voice comes sternly from behind the bar. "That is no way to treat your subordinates." 

Duster rolls his eyes and moves his foot off of him. "Lighten up, 'Giri. It was a joke." Dabi sits up quickly, desperately hoping that his pants are loose enough and his coat is big enough that no one sees that the treatment got him half-hard. 

"Fuck off, Shig. Compress took point. Get your report from him." He hopes he seems pissed off instead of anything else as he leaves the room, his pulse pounding in his ears. 

///

He waits until the others have departed for their own places or to celebrate a job well done before he goes to take a cold shower. He's not still hard, but he wants to tear whatever in Shigaraki's actions and words had made him hard away from his skin. But he might just go drown himself in the tub when he comes out of the bathroom and finds Duster waiting outside the door. He startles, nearly dropping his clothes, only wearing his sleep pants now. 

"Sorry, all yours." One bathroom is an annoying thing to deal with, but at least he has running water again. 

"That's a generous offer considering I don't even know if you're worthy of my time yet."

Dabi bristles again as Shigaraki doesn't move from where he's leaning against the wall. "What?" 

Red eyes drag over him. "I'm not sure," he says slowly, "if someone as gross as you, is worthy of my time." 

It still takes him a minute and then he's flushing indignantly. "What the fuck, Duster? Are you negging me?" 

"No." He says the word with certainty. "Negging is just words. I'm degrading you, because you're the kind of pathetic bitch that likes it when he gets stepped on." 

"I don't--"

"Did I give you permission to talk back to me?" Dabi's mouth snaps shut as a tremble works its way down his spine as his body goes abruptly hot again. "Better. Maybe if you learn your manners you'll earn the privilege of sleeping in a bed instead of on the floor like a dog." 

Oh god. Dabi's fucking thighs are shaking, and there is no hiding how quickly the blood rushes to his cock as Shigaraki says that, no way he can shift his bundle of clothes in front of himself without being extremely obvious about it. Duster is watching it happen anyway, his lip curled into a sneer. 

"Disgusting." He pushes away from the wall and Dabi thinks he's just going to be left with this humiliation, but Shigaraki goes to his door. "Heel." 

He's not a dog, but he might as well be. He goes over to his door, and before he can ask, Shigaraki rolls his eyes. 

"Did you really think I would fuck someone like you in my bed. No." Then he considers him, actually considers him and that meanness leaves his eyes to become more calculating. "And speaking of 'no', if you want something to stop, then you can bark twice. Once if you want things to keep going. Mutts don't speak, after all." And then Shigaraki waits. 

Dabi feels like he might be dying in some awful haze of a fever dream as he croaks out a single weak, "Woof?" 

The sharpness comes right back to Duster's expression. "You can be trained. Now take those off and get on the floor. Dogs don't walk or wear clothes." 

Dabi doesn't know if he's ever had his cock dripping without anyone even touching him before, but as he practically scurries inside his room to comply with the orders, he has a feeling that Shigaraki will be able to make him cum without touching him if he keeps treating him like this.

[nerves-nebula]

In the teenage mutant neglected turtles au, I know you said that splinter didn't want them going out when they were younger (even though he didn't watch them to make sure they didn't) but is he the one giving them missions now, or do the turtles make those up themselves? How invested is he in them doing stuff on the surface?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. OK, here's the situation (keep in mind this is a new AU/TMNT iteration so I haven't ironed out all or even most of the wrinkles yet. im not even set on Splinters backstory)

BUT here's what I've been thinking. So as you know, when they're younger, Splinter would always lock them inside at night (or whenever he went to rest/sleep) because he didn't like the idea of them getting into trouble while he's asleep. But as they got older and he got more used to "taking care of" kids, that became less and less of an issue for him so he doesn't really worry about it anymore. He'll often ask one of the turtles where the other one is and either get "I don't know" or "Probably in his room" as a response and just not follow up on it, if he remembers to check up on his kids in the first place.

so by the time he realizes they've been to the surface he kind of doesn't give a shit anymore. he's like "eh, if they haven't gotten in trouble by now then they're probably fine." I mean, obviously he threw a whole rage fit at first but that was more because he'd been lied to/his rules hadn't been followed, than out of any fear or concern for the turtles lives. Once he cools down though he's like "well no reason to stop you since you've already been doing it for years"

he's also been training them since they could hold weapons because why not, right? Might as well make sure they can defend themselves when he's not around. and they've already shown they're generally proficient in what he's taught them so he's confident in their abilities (or i guess it's more like he's confident in his teaching. he's fully willing to demean them if they fail to meet his expectations though)

WHICH leads us to the turtles fighting ppl. I think at first they just kind of accidentally get into fights with humans/other mutants. mostly criminals or anyone they think is being a dickhead (cause they're impulsive teens who are highly skilled at fighting). obviously they don't tell Splinter about this, but he finds out eventually when they start to get into fights they can't get away from unscathed. By that point though, Splinter already knows they're going topside and is harshly like "Just be better and you won't get your ass beat. I swear I raised/trained you smarter than this" and all that jazz.

And this kind of escalates to them taking themselves very seriously as like, protectors of their little part of New York, right? Both to prove themselves to their dad and because it's the most freedom they have as a family unit. Like, they become wayyyy closer once they start fighting crime together.

SO for the most part they kind of just do whatever they want. but now that splinter sees them as a potentially useful task force who are (mostly) loyal to him he might start getting them involved in his past/grudges with, say, the foot clan :)

so I imagine Splinter sending them on occasional missions, either checking up on foot clan business or just like a fetch quest to get him something he wants. Naturally they trip over themselves for a chance to get a approval from him.

But for the most part they just do whatever they feel like, and give themselves missions/vote on which mission to do next.

sidenote: there IS a yokai Hidden City in this AU, or at least some kind of underground Yokai Society, maybe one more intertwined with New York than the Hidden City is in ROTTMNT but I've gotta figure it out a bit more first. so when they find that place they have a ball there too. eventually <3

sorry this kinda got ramble-y but i hope this answers your question :)

[princesssarisa]

Ashley Spinelli for the character ask

Favorite thing about them: Her snarky wit, her feistiness (especially when she uses it in defense of someone vulnerable), and her sheer energy and passion. Also, compared to other shows from my childhood centered around groups of kids, I appreciate that Recess included such a tough, pugnacious tomboy character without either (a) making her a bully, or (b) having her constantly humbled and taught to be nicer, or (c) giving her an explicit crush on the male lead, even if the latter is hinted at.

Least favorite thing about them: Well, sometimes her attitude can be mean.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I sometimes have a temper.

*I like to wear red.

*I like dancing and art, as "Dance Lessons" and "Spinelli's Masterpiece" reveal that she does.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I'm much more traditionally feminine than she is.

*I don't like rough contact sports.

*I don't care about being seen as "tough" or "cool."

Favorite line: From "Operation Field Trip," when she's sick of the song "This Old Man":

"If I have to sing that song one more time, I'm gonna play knick-knack on somebody's head!"

From "Mama's Girl," her response when T.J. asks if she's okay – alluding to Carrie because the whole school has been laughing at her.

"As good as can be expected, considering my life's like a Stephen King novel."

And from her speech in "Beauty Contest":

"I mean, sure, I'm all for peace and people reading, but if I really was selected Little Miss Blush, I'd do the same junk I do now. Watch a little pro wrestling, try to keep up in school, hang out with my friends! You know, kid stuff! I only got entered in this contest 'cause some kids thought it was a funny joke, and I stayed in 'cause I wanted to win. But the truth is, this isn't me. (puts on her ski cap) This is me. I'm not a painted-up doll, I'm a kid, and I don't want to be anything else!"

brOTP: T.J., Gretchen, Mikey, Vince, and Gus. Especially T.J.

OTP: Probably T.J. when they're old enough, though of course Johnny V. is an option too.

nOTP: Principal Prickly.

Random headcanon: When she grows up, she's going to identify as non-binary. Though whether she'll still use "she/her" pronouns or switch to "they/them" or "he/him" I don't know. I don't just think this because she's a tomboy who hates girly things, but because she gets irrationally angry whenever someone calls her "a girl" (although she has no trouble calling herself one, she just hates hearing other people say it) and because she once said that she wants to be a (presumably male) 6-foot tall bodybuilder named Moe. As a '90s kid, she just doesn't know the terms to explain who she is, but she'll learn them someday. That said, she'll always be attracted to men and men only.

Unpopular opinion: While I'm all in favor of shipping her with T.J., and I do think there are plenty of hints that the show's writers and animators did too, I also think at least a third of the "hints" listed on Recess Wiki's list are just friendship moments. They'll have plenty of time in the future to become a couple: for now, they're kids, they both want to be kids as long as they can be, and neither will admit they enjoyed their kiss in "The Experiment" even if you paid them.

Song I associate with them:

The theme song, for want of anything exclusive to her.

Favorite picture of them:

[mistergandalf]

Tell me about your everybody loves hobbit au please!

OKAY HERE I GO this got long so I put it under a cut lol

So in this AU, everyone survives due to either a slightly better circumstance or luck… Fíli receives a broken leg and some trauma, Kíli gets a cool scar and almost choked to death (but lives!), and Thorin gets some broken ribs and lots of wounds but makes it. I don’t really go into huge detail, what’s important is they’re ALIVE and they get to be happy.

18 years after Erebor is reclaimed, a childhood friend of Fíli’s and Kíli’s, Nála, finally comes to live there with them—about 17 years after her brother Flán makes the same trip (he was in the first group to arrive, he and Gimli escorting Dís). When she arrives, Fíli has a sudden realization that she’s not just his friend—he’s in love with her.

Unsure what to do about this because he can’t ruin this friendship, he suffers in silence for YEARS until finally learning that Nála has been pining after HIM basically her entire life. In fact, that’s the reason she took so long to come to Erebor; as Tolkien says in the Appendices, "...not all the women take husbands; some desire none; some desire one they cannot get, and so will have no other." And Nála falls into that last category. Only by the begging of her brother Flán for many years was she convinced to live somewhere she would always see one she could not get. But they finally figure it out and then they can't keep their hands off each other for the rest of forever lmao.

Kíli, on the other hand, meets his bride, Elís, through the unfortunate circumstance (that I've written about in The Shadow of Suspicion!) of a suspected attempt on Fíli's life. She is a very skilled nurse and medic from the Iron Hills, but gets off on the wrong foot with Kíli trying to help, and that starts a bit of bad blood between them. Elís decides to move to Erebor anyway, and apprentices with Óin. The two of them are constantly annoying each other because they are both headstrong and stubborn, which prevents them from seeing the fact that very often they actually agree. (They secretly respect each other immensely, but since they're both so STUBBORN, they can't admit it...)

And then (this part is not peer-reviewed) Kíli has a serious accident and Elís is there to keep him alive. She takes care of him VERY ANGRILY because she refuses to admit to herself that she loves him but oh she does. And Kíli, being a bit out of it, doesn't admit anything, but he's certainly more flirty than usual... and so eventually they get in an argument and it all comes out between them, and then it takes them a while after that to get over being stubborn about that, and then they become a couple and Kíli worships the ground she walks on.

NOW THE KIDS. There are five total.

Fíli and Nála have:

Firin. The eldest, responsible, studious, and bit of a stick in the mud, if you ask his sister and his cousins. Bright red hair like his mother and blue eyes like his da. Precious and sensitive. He's prone to being anxious and self-doubting, as he had a lot of infections as a child that left him mostly deaf. As all Dwarves know sign language, it doesn't really cause many problems in daily life, but he worries that he will never be a mighty warrior like the people he idolizes as he cannot hear.

Ríal. Strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. Personality-wise, probably the exact opposite of her brother. Bold, brash, and definitely spoiled rotten... a quintessential daddy's girl. But she's also extremely smart and can run circles around almost anyone else when it comes to wits. Firin is EXTREMELY protective of her, which she pretends is annoying, but she feels safe when he's around - which usually manifests in her being even more brash :)

Kíli and Elís have:

Nali and Lani - the twins! Dark brown hair and eyes. No one is more shocked than Kíli when he finds out he's got not just one son, but TWO. They are carbon copies of their father in so many ways and OH does that bring Dís some delightful schadenfreude. Pranksters who are always getting in trouble. Lani is the "starter" and Nali is the "finisher" - or the ideas guy and the plans guy. The two are inseparable and, for most people, indistinguishable. They're very "only we're allowed to make fun of our cousin" about Firin, though... they'll poke at him all day long, but if anyone else does it, WATCH OUT. Firin often tries to stand on his own two feet, and these two can't comprehend why, because they will ALWAYS have his back.

Filís is the baby of the entire family. Named after Fíli (which makes Fíli cry), she's a quiet little doe-eyed thing (also brown hair and brown eyes) that would rather sit and watch than talk. She always seems perfectly content and never gets into trouble - a welcome respite to her weary parents. She is often overlooked, but she doesn't mind at all, because secretly, she is pretty devious; if one of her brothers or cousins does something she disapproves of, she has so much dirt on them that they'll do anything she says, and they'll never cross her. Hilariously, Bilbo never can believe what other people say about her, because when she's with him, they can talk ALL DAY.

There's sooo much more but that's the ... basics??? This is pretty long to be the basics but THANK YOU for the ask I had a lot of fun typing this up!!!

[vettir]

So, I'll be honest, I'm a huge geek. At the age of 14, having just finished Jr High (Or middle school, it's basically the same thing but regional dialects), I could read Latin as well as a 1st year Latin student in college. So when I noticed one of the options for a high school being "Praelectiones Monstruosae", well... Monstrum originally just mean 'creatures that are a warning'. I figured this might be a school that had some interesting electives in the weird and occult. And I'd been fascinated by that shit since I was 9 and read several John Keel books. (Incidentally, he or someone else, I forget who, said 'Monstrum' originally meant 'hidden', which is why I went into Latin. He was wrong. He also claimed spectre came from spectrum, when it was the other way around. He was not really a classical scholar.) So, there I am, orientation day, and after a particularly confusing orientation lecture ("Don't show your true forms in outwardly visible areas, safe outdoor areas are marked," I found particularly weird), I met with my advisor. His first question was "So, what are you?"

"Uhh... In what way?"

"We're trying to set up homerooms where similar students are together. So, simple classification of your true form?"

I was starting to get a little worried. "I mean, that's what I'm in, as far as I know?"

He looked at me, closely. "Huh. Okay, you're human-passing in all forms, then. Changeling, sorcerer, something like that?"

"Just... a teenager."

He stared. "Look, you shouldn't've have even SEEN that this was in the system unless you were something unusual. What about your parents? Did they go here?"

"No, they're both immigrants. Dad's from Hungary, mom's from Ukraine."

"And they never gave you any... Special guidelines? Rules to follow?"

"Don't accept candy from strangers, a few safety tips, don't give out identifying details on the internet, stuff like that."

He chewed his lip, and I noticed his incisors were, well... Long. Absurdly long. "Okay. Well, if you were normal, you wouldn't be here. We'll put you with the 'passes for human' group for now." He pauses a moment. "Well, you're not a Bathory, in any case. Could never stand them." He stood up. "Anyways, my name is Trent Chase, you can call me Mr Chase or Trent, whichever you prefer." He shook my hand. "You'll get your full packet tomorrow, for now feel free to wander around."

And so I did. And I must have nerves of steel, because as I left his office, and looked into the next one? Two wolfmen. Or werewolves, I guess. The rooms were soundproofed, but it seemed like they were snarling at each other.

The cafeteria was the first place I stopped, and I looked at the menu. It was... Huh. A wider variety than I expected, and some... Steak tartare? Black pudding? Some more normal fare, but still. I tried black pudding once, it tasted awful. And raw beef topped with raw egg is not for me. Also, what the hell is offering milk? The cafeteria was mostly empty, but when I went into the inner quad, that's when I knew for a fact. This wasn't a school about monsters. This was a school for monsters. How the hell did I get in? Some of the other kids were running around, and one came up to me all nosferatu style, fangs out like Count Orlok. I stood my ground as he came at me, then just stepped forwards slightly as he came close. And he tripped. Random root caught his foot and he went sprawling. He shrieked in pain, then cowered a bit as I offered a hand to help him up. "What are you?" He asked. "How did you do that?"

"Dude. You tripped on a root. Also, whatever the hell you were doing? Not cool." A teacher or staff member came over, and looked at us both weirdly.

"What happened here?"

"Count Orlok here decided to charge me, tripped on a root."

The adult looked between us. "A root. Right. What are your names?"

"Luka Haneke."

"Timothy Rajmund." It was technically Tymofij when transliterated from Ukrainian, but Timothy was the English translation.

"Right. Luka, this isn't a hunting ground. Timothy, just... Don't make people trip over roots, I guess?" He chuckled, and looked in front of me. "Huh. What root?"

I looked down at where Luka had tripped. "Huh. I was sure I'd seen a root there." I looked at a nearby oak tree. "Probably from there... Tripping over it may have moved it. Luka was going pretty fast."

"Riiight. Well, I'm Mister Sigurdsen, I'll probably have you both for PE." He turned to Luka. "Assuming you can pass for human." Luka changed into an fairly pretty blonde. I reassessed, I had thought they were a guy, but I guess the Count Orlok look is gender neutral. Her voice was much more feminine too.

"Of course I can. I can pass as well as any of your line can." She sneered at Sigurdsen and me.

I shrugged. "I'm sure that attitude will win you a multitude of friends." I turned and left as she was spluttering and Sigurdsen was trying hard not to laugh.

What I didn't realize was that this was the first story that would start spreading about me. The later ones got even more interesting.

After mistakenly transfering to a high school for monsters, you try to tell them that you’re just a regular human. However, because of bizarre coincidences creating apparently inexplicable situations, the school population and teachers come to believe you’re actually an Eldritch Abomination

[ali-anne-undertale-stoof]

Guess who's back? Back again?

Jerry.

Ooh, boy. This chapter turned out longer than I expected. Sorry this took so long, guys! Enjoy!

Second half

Chapter 7: Jerry

It was a relatively clear day in Snowdin. As clear as you're gonna get with the snow everywhere, anyway. Within the hustle and bustle of the town, one could hear children playing in the snow and adults making dark jokes to each other to take their minds off the fact that they aren't able to see the sun. Grillby's was especially busy, as it always is on a Saturday. And a particular skeleton was slowly becoming more and more of a regular there as time went on.

Funnily enough, throughout their entire few weeks of living in Snowdin, Papyrus had never been to Grillby's before. Why? Well...

"SANS!! WHY ARE YOU TAKING ME TO A GREASE HOLE?!?!"

That's why.

"come on, papyrus, i've already told you. there are plenty of nice people there. you might as well get out sometime, right? you can't spend all your time trying to get friends on social media. you gotta find people in real life too."

"BUT WHY AT GRILLBY'S?!?!" Papyrus whined loudly. Sans sighed heavily through his nose. As much as the boys try to keep a balanced relationship, there were times where one of them had to take the "big brother" shoes. And it was apparently Sans' turn today. It made sense, after all. Sans is the older twin, after all, even if it was only by four minutes.

"come on, baby bro." Sans teased. Papyrus' eyes shifted into his iconic googly eyes. Now they're getting somewhere. "you're not gonna let a little bit of grease get in the way of being popular, are you? i thought you were the great papyrus."

"WELL, THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS STANDARDS!! VERY HIGH ONES, IN FACT!!"

"yeah? well, from what i heard, the great papyrus is willing to overcome any obstacle to get what he wants, including 'disgusting grease holes'. unless... you know..." Sans shrugged smugly. "i heard the rumors wrong."

Papyrus' strange googly eyes bulge out of his head.

"NO, YOU DID NOT HEAR THE RUMORS WRONG!!! I WILL PROVE IT TO YOU THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, CAN OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLE!!!" Stubborn as ever, but now fueled by something else to prove, Papyrus briskly stormed into Grillby's, head held high. Meanwhile, Sans chuckled to himself about his brilliant victory, before casually strolling in after him.

Papyrus wanted to slap Sans in the face. As soon as he stormed in, his nasal cavity was immediately hit with the repungent smell of grease. It made him want to throw up. Can skeletons throw up? Oh, does Papyrus hope they do.

And as expected on a Saturday, it was almost filled to the brim with various families wanting to get brunch for their kids. The chatter was constant, it almost became white noise. However, Papyrus didn't mind this. After all, Sans was right, there are a lot of people he can befriend here! Maybe even show off his really cool muscles to them!

He still wanted to slap Sans in the face, though. Yes. Slap the skeleton next to him. Right across the face.

"ow!"

"WHOOPSY DOOPSY! SORRY, SANS! REFLEX!"

"it's okay, bro." Sans rubbed his sore cheekbone from the impact.

That feeling where you feel bad about something you instantly regret because of your intrusive thoughts... That's the emotion Papyrus just experienced.

"SORRY AGAIN ANYWAY!"

"hey, it's cool. fuhgeddaboudit."

"WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU LEARN THAT ACCENT?"

"where'dja learn yours?"

"TOUCHÈ."

As the brothers walked along to the bar, Papyrus almost tripped over a couple of bags, a couple of kids, and Sans. He gripped onto a table nearby just to stand up straight. And of course Sans was laughing at him, because what else would he do?

"STOP LAUGHING! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THIS PLACE IS BUSY!!!" There were two things Papyrus' foot stomping has succeeded at doing. Making Sans laugh more, and catching the attention of the dog monsters that were sitting at the table. They were in their armor, which helped Papyrus recognise them from the snow boulder incident.

"Bork! Bork!"

"(What is it, Lesser?)"

"Oh, hi, Sans!"

The brothers whipped their heads around. There they were. The entire K9 Unit, staring at them with such interest. They already seem to recognise Sans, and Papyrus too, to an extent. Papyrus swore that he saw them before, but he doesn't exactly remember their faces.

"WOWIE... UM, H-HELLO!!!" Papyrus tried to present a more casual stance, much like his brother. Whether he succeeded or not, Papyrus was unsure.

Dogamy gave a little yelping laugh. "Hey, Sans! This must be your brother!"

Dogaressa followed suit. "(He's a goofy one, isn't he?)"

And Doggo. "Hey, I'm getting this funny vision. He looks still, but I can only see moving things."

Huh. That's weird. Sans checked on his brother, only to find that Papyrus is shaking so hard that he's rattling. Whether he's excited or nervous or both, Sans couldn't tell. Either way, Sans was excited to play hype man.

"yup, this is my baby brother. in the lack of flesh."

Papyrus was pulled out of his trance by sheer outrage. "WHAT?!?!?!"

"(Wait, what?)"

"I thought you said he was your twin brother, Sans."

"oh, trust me. he is. but with the way he's been acting recently, he might as well be my awesomest baby bro ever!"

If that wasn't already humiliating enough, Sans just had to take the opportunity to pinch Papyrus' cheekbones and pat his skull like he was some sort of cat. All this just made Papyrus' eyes bulge out his skull even more.

And the teasing. Oh boy, the teasing!

"he's just my previous baby bro on his way to get some milkies!"

The dogs howled with laughter. Papyrus did not regret slapping Sans anymore.

"SANS, GET OFF OF ME!!! FOUR MINUTES!!! WE ARE SEPARATED BY FOUR!!!! MINUTES!!!!"

"(Oh, don't worry! I'm sure Sans was just having a laugh. Isn't that right, dear?)"

"Yes, that appears to be true, my love."

"(Hey, actually, you appear to be rather energetic. We could use some of that.)"

The teasing was forgotten. "REALLY?"

"(Yeah! Sometimes we like to go out into the woods and play fetch.)"

"sounds fetching." Sans winked.

"SANS!!!" Papyrus scoffed, but the dogs' activities sounded... enticing. He didn't know why he found it enticing, he just did. After all, he's chewed his fair share of sticks as a baby bones. And shredded his stuffed toys. And Sans'. He never actually confessed to Sans about that. He probably still thinks a raccoon did it. Yikes.

Dogamy spoke up. "If you want, you can come along!"

"ME?"

Papyrus looked at Sans for confirmation that this was actually happening. All he got was a nod back. That means... That means...

"OF COURSE!!! BUT I MUST WARN YOU, THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS NEVER BEEN BEATEN AT FETCH, AND I CERTAINLY WON'T BE BEAT ANY TIME SOON!!!"

"We'll hold you up to that, mister."

"PAPYRUS."

"(Papyrus!)"

The dogs howled in celebration. Papyrus could hardly contain his excitement! He could... He could... "hang out" with a group of friends??!! This is the best day ever!

He didn't notice Sans pulling him away until they were sitting at the counter.

"so, what are ya hankerin' for?"

"SANS, YOU'RE NOT A COWBOY." Papyrus crossed his arms, unimpressed.

Sans just shrugged in response. "yeah, i know, but the accent is fun."

"HMPH. FINE, THEN. I'LL HAVE YOUR FINEST MILK, MR GRILLBY, PLEASE!"

The literal hot head with a cool mind gave a simple nod and wandered into the kitchen.

"HMM... HE DOESN'T TALK MUCH, DOES HE?"

"nah, some other guy talks for him."

"IS HE SHY OR SOMETHING? MAYBE HE NEEDS A GREAT PAPYRUS SPEECH!"

"no... no speeches, please." Sans still hasn't gotten over the last time Papyrus made one of his inspirational speeches. It was mostly bragging, to be blunt. But then again, Sans always found them inspiring. Too bad that other guy didn't.

Grillby worked fast. Soon enough, a fresh glass of milk was placed in front of Papyrus, as well as a plate of complementary fries. Papyrus closely inspected the fries, and Sans just took one.

"WHAT? HEY!"

"what? they're greasy. greasy fries." Sans chomped on another fry.

There was no stopping him. Papyrus just let Sans have the fries. See, even The Great Papyrus knew when to throw in the towel! Or throw a door wide open.

The door flew wide open and didn't close. Who could be rude enough to NOT close the door behind them in a town as cold as this?

There was only one answer.

Jerry.

"Eurgh! This place is filthy!" Said the filthy monster, covered in slime and snot.

Everyone in the vicinity collectively groaned. Everyone except for Papyrus, that is. The newbie was just mostly confused. What was it about this guy that made everyone groan like that, including his brother?

"SANS, WHO IS THAT?"

Sans rolled his eyes and tried to avoid having Jerry in his vision. "a little turd bag, that's 'who's that'."

Papyrus didn't get it. So he just observed.

Jerry swiftly went over to the dogs' table and knocked the cards over, banging the table like some sort of defective drum.

"Waiter! Waiter! Are you going to give me service or not?"

Grillby nonchalantly cleaned a glass. Nobody could see his face, but they can tell he wasn't happy to have to serve this guy. His tense shoulders spoke volumes.

"Waiter! Waiter! Oh my god, what is taking so long?!"

Jerry stormed over to the counter, pushing away two monsters that were carrying their food to their table. He slammed his fist down right next to where Sans is sitting. Sans instinctively flinched and leaned as far away from him as possible.

"Hey, hot head! Are you going to serve me or what?!"

Sans could just see the slime dripping down from the guy from here. He briefly entertained the thought of a skeleton throwing up something other than magic. Is that even possible without a stomach? He didn't know, but he was tempted to see if he could.

Grillby carefully placed the glass down and put on his best "polite customer service" act towards the ill-tempered monster.

"Finally!" Jerry groaned with exaggeration. "By the way, is your 'establishment' fireproof, or are you just barely keeping yourself from burning down the whole place? You don't look like you belong in Snowdin. Better be careful, you might start a forest fire."

Sans had just about enough of this nonsense. "gee, jerry, good question. you know, i've always wondered a little about you myself. are you supposed a squid, or are you just something i had to scrape off the bottom of my shoe? better be careful, you might start a pandemic with that snotty mouth of yours."

Papyrus was absolutely astounded by the sheer amount of sass Sans just gave. And judging by the 'oohs' and 'got hims' from the crowd, it appears that he was justified. Why?

Meanwhile, the flame didn't say anything, but his flames flickered in approval at Sans' comment. However, customer service does come as a priority to the guy. Too bad he couldn't just kick him out without a proper excuse, especially since the Royal Guards are around.

So they're stuck with him. Perfect.

"Oh, great. The skinless freak's back."

"HEY!!!" Papyrus raised his voice. A lack of manners is one thing, but insulting his brother is crossing the line! "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, SANS IS THE SECOND BEST SKINLESS FREAK AROUND!"

"Ew, there's two of them?!"

"hey. watch your bigger butt hole, buddy."

"Ugh, fine. I'm sitting as far away from these two as possible."

With that, Jerry stormed over to the other side of the restaurant and placed his mucus-covered body down on the chair in the corner. Just where he belongs.

Papyrus... was very taken aback from that interaction. What is with that guy? He came in here, was rude to the waiter, insulted his brother... He's a piece of work. But maybe... Maybe?

"GOSH... IS HE HAVING A BAD DAY OR SOMETHING?"

"bro, he makes bad days happen." Sans reaches down to grab a fry, but he hesitates. He inspects the fries for any slime that might have dripped into the bowl instead.

"BUT I DON'T GET IT. WHY ELSE WOULD HE GO SO FAR AS TO MAKE OTHERS MISERABLE? WHEN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE A BAD DAY, I SMILE AND TRY TO BRING JOY TO OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES BECAUSE IT CHEERS ME UP!! BUT... I KNOW NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE THAT. PERHAPS HE NEEDS A NEW PERSPECTIVE."

"Nah, man. There's no changing that guy. Jerry's the WORST." A slobby fish-like monster, by the name of Zeeds, spoke up. "Like seriously. The worst. Any redeeming qualities he might have had have been squashed out of him a long time ago. Some people are just downright despicable."

Papyrus slammed his hands on the table, sporting a determined expression. "NO!!! NO ONE IS COMPLETELY BAD!!! EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE THE CHANCE TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!! AND I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM THE KING OF GOOD CHOICES!!!!" The lanky skeleton climbed onto the table and struck the coolest pose he can muster. Somehow, despite being indoors, his vermilion scarf flapped in the wind. What wind? Delta knows! It's cool!!! And what's even cooler was what Papyrus did next.

"JERRY I-DON'T-KNOW-YOUR-LAST-NAME!!!" He made sure to grab Jerry's attention... by pointing at him like some kind of disgruntled superhero? "I HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU... ARE A COMPLETE WEIRDO!!! AND A JERK, AND YOU'RE TOTALLY GROSS, AND I WOULD PREFER IT IF I NEVER HAVE TO TOUCH YOU WITH A 20 FOOT POLE!!!! BUT I KNOW THAT BENEATH ALL OF THAT GROSSNESS IS A MONSTER WITH THE POTENTIAL TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES AND TURN HIMSELF AROUND!!! SO!!!!"

He leaped off the table in a flourish, landing like a superhero in the middle of the restaurant. As if he wasn't the centre of attention before...

"YOU, JERRY, NEED GUIDANCE!!!! AND WHAT BETTER GUIDANCE THAN THIS DASHING SKELETON RIGHT HERE!?!? THAT'S RIGHT!!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM OFFERING TO BECOME..."

He slid towards Jerry with a spin. One could get the impression that Papyrus was a theatre kid of some kind.

"YOUR FRIEND!!!"

The room fell silent as guards and regulars alike sat and wondered... What the hell was Papyrus getting himself into? Sans especially should be embarrassed but... Gosh, his brother was just so cool, he couldn't help but stare at him with wide eyes and a large smile.

Jerry, on the other hand, was not interested nor amused. All Papyrus got out of that was a simple, "Okay." And then he got out his phone and started connecting to Grillby's WiFi.

"WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE GOOD NEWS TO ME!!!"

Meanwhile, a certain guard dog with a black mask tutted from the large table near the centre of the room.

"Man, that kid is screwed."

The other dogs, even though they hate to admit it, had to agree with Doggo on that one. He was screwed.

--------

There has GOT to be some good in Jerry, Papyrus thought as he walked around in little circles just outside of the library. There just HAS to be! All monsters were taught from the moment they learn about souls that monsters were made of love, hope, and compassion. It was even the textbooks, and as Papyrus knows, the textbooks are never wrong! Well, except for this annoying typo he found in Sans' astronomy book, but other than that, it's never wrong! Surely it's not just propaganda... right?

Right! So that meant all monsters have compassion deep down inside! Including Jerry! Jerry, who's... next to a tree, poking a poor antlered kid.

"Watch your antlers! They're bigger than my grandma's crusty toenail!" Jerry screamed at the poor kid, slapping her antlers around willy-nilly.

The poor kid stuttered. "I don't think I needed to know that..."

"Oh my god, and I didn't need to see your snivelling face! Get out of here!"

Papyrus couldn't help but feel bad for the girl. She can't help her antlers! Besides, they weren't even that big! Jerry must have walked into her when he wasn't looking, and then pinned the blame on her! Now, that just won't do! Someone has to step in to help that child! It's a good thing The Great Papyrus was around!

Without hesitation, Papyrus briskly walked over. "HEY, JERRY, FRIEND???"

Jerry reflexively let out a loud groan when he heard Papyrus' voice.

"NOW, THAT JUST WASN'T NICE!!!" He waggled his finger and tutted like a mother. "IT'S NOT HER FAULT FOR HAVING ANTLERS!! JUST LIKE IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT FOR HAVING GROSS WARTS!!!"

The deer girl snickered. Jerry gave him the death glare. Papyrus wasn't deterred, however.

"NOW, WHEN WE SAY SOMETHING WE DIDN'T MEAN, OR WHEN WE MAKE A MISTAKE THAT ENDS UP HURTING ANOTHER PERSON, WE APOLOGISE!! SURELY YOU KNOW HOW TO APOLOGISE, RIGHT? EVERYONE HAS APOLOGISED AT LEAST ONCE IN THEIR LIVES, SO THERE'S NO SHAME IN DOING IT!!! IN FACT, IT CAN REALLY PUT YOU IN SOMEONE'S GOOD GRACES WHEN YOU DO IT CORRECTLY!!! SO TRY IT!!! APOLOGISE TO THE ANTLERED GIRL!!!"

There was only one sentence on Jerry's mind. 'Are you serious?!' But alas, this guy wasn't going to leave unless he actually tried, so...

"Ick... Fine. I'm sorry your antlers are so ugly and huge."

"NOT LIKE THAT!!!"

Jerry had enough. Backhand!!!

Papyrus easily caught it. The antlered girl took this opportunity to run away.

"NOW, THAT JUST WON'T DO!!!" Papyrus cringed at the slime the action got on his glove. Note to self: wash gloves thoroughly. "JERRY, I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!! A REAL APOLOGY CONSISTS OF ADMITTING THAT YOU WERE WRONG, AND A PROMISE TO OWN UP TO YOUR MISTAKE, LIKE APOLOGISING FOR A LOUSY, MEDIOCRE PUZZLE WITH A BETTER, MORE FIERY PUZZLE!!! BUT THIS WAS JUST A BACKHANDED APOLOGY!!! LITERALLY." He was all too glad to let go of Jerry's wrist. "NOW, LET ME WALK YOU THROUGH A PROPER APOLOGY!! FIRST, YOU-"

Jerry groaned loudly. You could almost hear the bile in his throat since it sounded more like he was gargling.

--------

Perhaps Papyrus was wrong about Jerry.

Perhaps he just had the wrong approach towards him.

Perhaps there was more to him than what meets the eye.

And there is only one way to find out!

Papyrus didn't appreciate the woods enough. Usually, when he went into the woods, he was always building snowmen and throwing snowballs at his brother. He doesn't tend to slow down and appreciate the serenity of the landscape. But now... he is! And who better to appreciate it with than the new friend he's trying to get to know?

...Well, okay, there is one other person that Papyrus would prefer to spend time with much more, but that's besides the point. This was about getting to know what's inside of Jerry's soul, after all. Surely, there must be some good deep down inside, right?

"AREN'T THE WOODS SO NICE AT THIS TIME OF YEAR? YOU KNOW, I HEARD WINTER IS ON ITS WAY... ON THE SURFACE, OF COURSE!! NYEH HEH HEH!! IT'S ALWAYS WINTER IN THIS SIDE OF THE UNDERGROUND, AM I RIGHT??" Papyrus glanced at Jerry with a smile. Unfortunately, the squid thing couldn't care less. He was too busy playing a mobile game on his phone to pay attention. Papyrus suppressed a small sigh. Teenagers are hard. Maybe he just had to engage.

"OOH, WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING THERE?" He tries. He really tries.

Jerry just gave a grunt of dismissal. Teenagers.

"IT LOOKS FUN!!! NOT AS FUN AS PUZZLES, OF COURSE, B-BUT IT LOOKS ENTICING!!!" Yeah, lying through your teeth is the way to go, good job, Papyrus!

Jerry didn't catch on to the lie. Because he didn't pay attention at all. Dang it.

Papyrus felt like a twig that was about to snap. "JERRY, PLEASE, I AM TRYING TO ENGAGE WITH YOU HERE!!! WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?!?!"

That got his attention.

"What do I like to do? Play Human Raider Dungeons, that's what I like to do."

"HUMAN RAIDER WHAT WHAT?"

"You're so dense." Jerry groaned. "It's only the top selling MMORPG in the entire underground. You build your monster armies and raid human civilizations. And bonus points, you get to beat up other players while you're at it."

Jerry chuckled sinisterly. "I do love slaying noobs, especially little kids. They get so angry!" He continued with his evil snickering, which Papyrus wasn't... too pleased about. But hey, it's just a video game! It's not like- Oh, and he's trolling kids now and calling them swear words. Why is he like this?

"UM... SO!!!" Papyrus almost put his scarf in his mouth to chew, before he thought of another question. "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?"

"Am emperor dictator."

"OH... I... SEE? ANYTHING ELSE?"

"Rich enough to make the poor grovel at my feet."

"HOW ORIGINAL." Papyrus snarked. "AND WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR? YOU KNOW, FOR THE SURFACE WORLD?"

Jerry turned to Papyrus and gave him the most sinister look one could think of. "The complete and total destruction of humanity."

Well... Now Papyrus wants to run and hide! But no! He must stand up and face him! After all, this is someone he's trying to find the good in, despite the difficulty level being REALLY REALLY HIGH!

"WELL... YOU WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST ONE TO SAY THAT?" After all, why would that human hunting policy be in place if not for at least some humans being 'destroyed'? Oh god, this is awful. Papyrus was getting nowhere with this. Well, except the fact that Jerry had warmed up to him enough to open up... That's a start?

--------

Nobody could be that detestable without good reason! After all, how can a baby be born evil? Surely something must have happened to make Jerry this way! At least that's what Papyrus thought to himself as he asked Jerry for a little "playdate" at his house. He even made sure to look forward to it, despite the truth that he really REALLY didn't.

"WOWIE, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING TO STAY AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE!!!" Papyrus forced himself to act cheerful, but even the second-densest individual can see how much he's straining himself to smile. "I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY DONE THIS BEFORE!! TALK ME THROUGH IT!!!"

Jerry gave Papyrus a side-eyed glance. "You never went to someone else's house before? I'm not surprised."

"THEN YOU MUST HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE, HUH? WELL, NO WORRIES!!" Papyrus whipped out a special handbook. "I SNAGGED A GUIDE ON HOW TO BE A GOOD GUEST FROM THE LIBRARY!!! THIS PLAYDATE WILL BE AN OPTIMAL EXPERIENCE!!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!!!"

Jerry rolled his eyes and unlocked the door to his house. It's only one of many houses around the back of Snowdin. It's way off the usual path through the Underground, but it's not exactly hidden. The neighbourhood seemed rather cozy, actually.

The house, not so much. The repungent smell of slime and grease filled Papyrus' nasal cavity, and the house itself was a state. Litter and half-eaten food occupied every desk, tabletop, and shelf. He almost wanted to barf. Who was in charge of cleaning around here?! Not to mention the claustrophobic entrance corridor. There were stacks upon stacks of empty boxes, and the cupboard under the nearby stairs was overflowing with random paraphernalia, from weights that were likely never used to pots and pans that should belong in the kitchen, but somehow don't, all the way to straight up GARDEN supplies. They didn't have a garden that would call for that much plant food! It's all SNOW! What plants did they expect to grow in a town that was constantly filled with SNOW?!

Well, one thing's for sure. Papyrus could now justify in his head why Jerry was always so dirty. He almost felt bad for the guy.

He flipped through the guest rulebook.

"Step 1: Compliment the host's home."

Of course...

"WOOOOOOW!" The grossed out skeleton put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest, like he's playing the part of a proud friend. "YOUR HOME IS... UHH... IT HAS CHARACTER!"

"Mom leaves her stuff everywhere. She doesn't bother to clean up half the time." Jerry said before briskly walking through the door to the right. It appeared to be the living room. Hopefully it was cleaner than whatever... this is.

This was clearly a home of neglect. At least Papyrus is getting somewhere now. And that somewhere would be the living room. Hopefully it was...

Nope. Not even close. He couldn't even tell the difference between sofa, floor and trash. He doesn't know how, but somehow it smelled even worse than before. And the random stuff just piled up EVERYWHERE. Is Jerry's mom a hoarder?

Oh, wait. There she is, sitting on the only armchair that wasn't already covered in trash. She looked a lot like Jerry, except she was bigger, wider and has a pale brownish- purple complexion. Oh, and she has less warts, which is always a plus. Well! No time to delay! Papyrus flipped through his handy handbook.

"Step 2: Shake host's hand and greet them politely."

Well well well, Papyrus thought. Don't mind if I do!

"HELLO!!! YOU MUST BE JERRY'S MOTHER!!!"

Her voice came out rather raspy, but sweet at the same time. "Greetings, young man! Oh, it has been such a long time since we had guests. Apologies for the mess. I've been meaning to organise everything for a while, but, well... There just hasn't been enough space for it all, unfortunately. But enough of that. Where are my manners? My name is Terri. And yes, I'm Jerry's mother."

Her smile was gross, but somewhat endearing. Papyrus didn't know what to think about this. Well... It couldn't hurt to be polite, especially since she is.

"PAPYRUS." He tentatively reached out to shake her hand... It was covered in slime. Yup. Definitely going to have to wash his gloves.

"May I offer you a refreshment?"

Before Papyrus could answer, Terri pressed a button on the armrest and all of a sudden, little wheels sprouted out from the bottom of the armchair. She used the controls to slowly roll across the room, knocking over a lamp and a painting of a painting... of a painting of a painting, and so on. The paintingception didn't stand a chance... Well, that explained the mess, anyway.

When she came back, she was holding a plate full of expired and mouldy food. It made Papyrus want to cringe, but he didn't know what to do. He turned to the guidebook for guidance.

"Step 3: Always accept the host's refreshments."

Life had it out for Papyrus, it seemed. But this book was written by an expert, so he had to comply.

"UM... SURE?" He carefully took the plate and... just stared at the mould. There's no way he was eating this. He wouldn't hear the end of it from Sans if he did.

Maybe he could feed them to Sans?

No. No. That would make Papyrus a horrible brother if he made Sans eat this garbage. Sans didn't deserve that! He deserved nice things like pink cake with sprinkles and very little icing!

Maybe he could even feed it to that mangy mutt he regularly encounters? It is very tempting to...

Papyrus' train of thought was interrupted by yet another crash. This time, it was an ugly green vase that was knocked down by Terri's sofa wheelchair thing, swiftly followed by her accidentally knocking into the computer desk.

Jerry, who was playing Human Raider Dungeons on the computer, jerked towards his mother in a fit of rage.

"Mom! Keep your paraplegic butt away from my game!"

"Sorry, son!" Terri braked her chair with a sigh. Poor mother, Papyrus thought. She seemed like a nice person as well. What did she do to deserve a son like Jerry?

"JERRY, THAT WAS RUDE!"

As usual, Jerry just scoffed at Papyrus' scolding. What else could the cool skeleton do, anyhow?

"Oh, don't worry about that, my dear. Jerry's just going through puberty, you know how it is." Terri tried to reassure Papyrus. It was a valiant effort.

Puberty doesn't excuse anything, though. Papyrus knew that by experience.

Terri made an effort to smile. "Here, how about I show you some pictures of my little boy, huh? I've always wanted to do this."

"MOM!!!!!!" Jerry snapped.

"He's never had a real friend before."

"That's NOT true!!!!"

Papyrus let out a little laugh. Looking at Jerry's childhood photos sounded like a great idea! That way, Papyrus can try to find the catalyst for Jerry's borderline evil behaviour! It's perfect!!!

He stuck a pose. "WHY OF COURSE!!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WOULD LOVE TO SEE THEM!!!!"

A low embarrassed growl rumbled from the boy at the computer desk. At the same time, a slightly gross but charming smile spread on the wheelchair-bound mother's face.

"Come over here, dear." She pat the arm of the chair, motioning for Papyrus to sit. After a moment of hesitation, Papyrus sat uncomfortably on the arm of the wheelchair, watching as the lady pulled out a photo album from the nearest bookshelf, and flickered through it. The photo album looked practically vintage, with photos dating all the way back to when Terri and what Papyrus could assume is Jerry's dad were dating. Soon enough, she got to Jerry's baby pictures.

The first picture of Jerry as a newborn was innocent enough. A baby Jerry, being carried by a hospitalised Terri. Terri in question was connected to some sort of IV that pumped magic into her system. Terri was never the picture of perfect health, Papyrus noted.

"AWW, HOW SWEET!!!" Papyrus made a show of how innocent the picture looked. "WAS THIS WHEN JERRY WAS BORN?"

"Close! This was a few days afterwards. I was in the hospital for quite some time. Giving birth can be quite dangerous when your magic reserves were already low to begin with." The mother smiled with a wistful gleam in her eyes. Almost as if she's... longing for something to return. "Here's a life lesson, my dear. Never take the things you can do for granted. Because you'll never know if, or when, they will be taken away from you."

Terri stared through the photo album and into her lap, leaving Papyrus to connect the dots. Oh... Oh, how sad.

It didn't take long for Terri to look at Papyrus and smile again.

"But you're very young and sprightly! And a skeleton, to boot. I heard skeletons live a long time."

"Y-YEAH!!! 250 YEARS, GIVE OR TAKE!! NYEH HEH HEH... HEH..." Papyrus began chewing on his scarf. He didn't know how long he can take this heavy atmosphere.

Terri nodded wistfully. "Yes, yes... A long, long time indeed, my dear..."

Papyrus tried to think of something to say that would break the ice, but...

...

In a mild frenzy, Papyrus just flipped the page, bringing Terri out of her sad, sad mind.

The next photos consisted of an innocent baby Jerry, doing the typical baby things. Sleeping, eating, taking a bath... Committing arson... Wait, what?

Oh, Delta, he actually committed arson?!?! And Papyrus thought Scripts couldn't get any paler. Any colour he would have had in his face was completely gone when he saw that photo!

And to make matters even worse, Terri suppressed a fond giggle. She was so fond of this moment that she TOOK A PICTURE OF IT?!

"T-TERRI?! WHY ON EARTH DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF JERRY SETTING THE FOREST ON FIRE!?!?!"

Her giggles sounded more and more deranged the longer Papyrus heard them. "Oh, you know how babies can be, my dear. They get rather cranky when they don't get their milkies on time!"

The notorious Papyrus googly eyes made yet another appearance, coupled with a classic skeleton jaw drop. It's a good thing Papyrus didn't have the type of mandible that could easily disconnect. That would've been a hassle.

Ah, so Jerry was... like THAT... since he was a baby, then. Good to know...

Meanwhile, the obnoxiously loud computer game only became more noticeable once Papyrus had solid proof that Jerry was just like this since infancy. How can a monster lean into his... BAD side so much? Papyrus doesn't understand... He CAN'T understand...

"GET OUT OF MY WAY, NOOBS!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Jerry's snotty cackle obnoxiously rang through the entire living room. And it just kept going.

Something unexpected occurred.

"YEAH, JERRY!!!!! DESTROY THOSE NOOBS!!!! LEAVE THAT KID IN THE DUST!!!!! MAKE SURE THEY KNOW HOW PATHETIC THEY ARE!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Oh, Delta. Papyrus really needed to get out of here. This family is insane!

And Terri was such a sweet lady too... But as it turned out, she had just been encouraging Jerry to be this way... That wasn't right. None of this is right at all!

Fine, then. If Papyrus cannot find any good in Jerry as he is, then he will just have to TEACH HIM how to be good!!

It's a good thing Papyrus is an expert at being good! He's perfection PERSONIFIED!!! Papyrus: Perfection Personified!!!!

Under his teachings, Jerry will become the greatest version of himself he could ever be! Papyrus was sure of it!

Well... Half-sure, at least. It would take a lot of work.

.......And they're STILL cackling..........

[meri-joly]

🦌✨ October Train in the Rain on the Plain Through the Pain From Which to Refrain 🫂 👥 🦊 🤠🤠🤠 🤡 🌱 🥣 📻 📺

All Hallow's Eve ahead, and it's a spooky month before all. School is already in place. It's going to roll into the holiday season as fall progresses and winter comes. Good food awaits in the coming season.

Something going over is a freaking out and loving of spooky movies, or "horror shows." They are even said to scare some people. It can be disgusting. There are some holiday ones, as well.

The people who live in the house together, led by Mr. White Chocolate, are playing outside, the kids, and the adults are about. It is late at night and one person hears something in an empty house a ways away. They all scream and run in and gather around Mr. White and another man talking to him and get their hugs. They spurt and explain what they heard. They sit down in a room together with some nice, soft chairs. Mr. White sits in a rocking chair and rocks 3 children in his lap. Meri is not there. He he he he he. Mr. White Choclate, and the other man, calms them down. Mr. White Chocolate explains to them what he knows and then tells them a story and they grow tired and go up to their individual rooms in groups so they are not alone and sleep on daybeds since they were too tired to shower, or bathe. First, Mr. White Chocolate goes up with them, and the other man. On the way, they go into a room with a TV and see Meri sleeping in a crib.

The children gather 'round and coo. Mr. White Chocolate lifts her up and says, "Hey, Sweety!" She opens her two eyes sleepily as they lose focus, crossing, and he holds her and looks at her and talks to her and bounces her and rubs her and then holds her to him and they all go upstairs. The other man tells her what happened. Time for bed!

~ * ~

It's not really November and not Thanksgiving for the US now celebrated the world over. They live in a very magical land. So, it's not quite as mysterious with that family suggestive feeling and relatives in love and all. Sometimes, it's warm, sometimes there's a cool breeze swirling around the grass, and the dirt. It's a funny time. It's past September, so it's not hot so much there. Can't say it's too dry, though, but it's a thick mass of land. It's not really right next to one big lake, but you get the picture. It's not at the mouth of a river.

It's time to go on a trip, and all the people in the house of Mr. White Chocolate trot along, all the adults and children, all 43 of them, with more adults than children. There are other people, too, some who live in big places, some who live in little neighborhood, some who live in big neighborhood, some who go to the school or teach there and some who don't. They all bring a suitcase with some thin clothes but also wear a coat. They get bathroom things there, or "toiletries" as they're called. They also have a backpack with things like their wallet and purse of emergency cash. They don't put clothes in there so they can bring their bag around, so it's not so big and can be also like a purse or for men like some business bag. Things are provided there also like ear buds and headphones, so..

Along the long walk rolling their suitcases together in a big parade, as if they are all boarding a cruise, like the Titanic, it gets scary again. In the distance, they think they see something like a big foot. The soldiers alongside point their guns in case it comes to attack, though they don't want to and want to preserve the creature. They don't know what it was. They keep going along.

They see some lights flashing they think in the stars. It could have been a shooting star, but it seemed red.

Then, some people are nearby in a town, and someone haunts them it seems in the crowd but gets away not as seen or recognized. One girl is freaked out by being touched and confides in her friends and tells an adult she is scared, and the children involved are comforted.

An adult sees a sign of something from the past that others also come to know, and it gives "an aura of foreboding."

They all go on a special ride in a haunted house, suitcases and all, as they fit. It's interesting and a cultural experience. They come out, and some buy a souvenir or some candy. Souvenirs include things like glow in the dark keychains that are very cute that inspire them artistically, even casual jewelry that's very cute as well. "You get the picture."

They are nearby. There are nice sites around, pretty plants and some nice lights and architecture, some sculptures, lots of AI controlled fountains. There are even people enjoying themselves with culture. There is music playing on the radio. There is food being cooked. It's great fun.

They are still feeling scared, but along they march. Finally, there are there, very soon, at the boarding station. They are taking several trains. There are like 50 of them. It's not really everyone from where they are from, neither.

Mr. White Chocolate's group gets on their train, which is dark purple and deep blue. He lifts the children up one by one. They happily trot with their suitcases. They share a room so they can tell each other stories and gossip at night. They are scared, so it's "no nonsense." The adults are also nearby, so it's a toasty feeling. No one knows who's related to who mostly in this world. No one wants to sleep alone, they are scared, anyway. There are recesses to hang out in.

Mr. White Chocolate puts little Meri to bed right away. He changes her outfit in a bathroom and sprays her clean and tucks her in, reads her a little baby story with pictures and kisses her goodnight. The rest of them are hyper and party. Finally they all go to wash up and get in bed with snacks and watch a movie. Meri is awoken by Mr. White Chocolate and fed on his lap, by him. She is done and wants to talk to him and rests her hands on him. His arms are wrapped around her and he says, "Dear, it's time for your bath." So, she gets her bath. She gets a cute pajama set on that looks like a baby duck but no hood, just a tail, feet, and wings. Her hair is down.

There is a disturbance outside the train, and it is about to go. It's scary but doesn't really affect the driving. The wind whistles scarily. They think of all that has happened. Finally, the trains starts up and rolls along. The 50 trains "steal away" "in the night" in procession.

Everybody cuddles in bed. Mr. White Chocolate tucks them all in and rubs each one. Some of them lump together and hug. Some stare at the ceiling, which is wondrous with glowing spectacles, and dreams. Some shut their eyes. Some shudder and think about the night and drift away eventually. Mr. White Chocolate tells Meri to sleep with him.

"What a night it's been..." he starts. Some adults are up talking as well, sleeping side by side. Mr. White Chocolate huddles Meri and kisses her, grateful she is here.

[alexandersimpleton]

Dork

We all know that The Incident was the main thing that happened but little ray of sunshine Frederick was too optimistic to completely wilt, so watch as he slowly gives up hope throughout a day.

(intended as a sequel to Loser, my other fic, but can be read standalone(

I was lucky I woke up that morning. A maid came in the middle of the night and let me out of that chest. I used to think it was really cool, like pirate treasure, but like, books, but I can't even look at it anymore. But It's fine, because my books are the real treasure! Or well, looking at how much carnage there was when I got out of what used to be my book trove, they were. 

It only really sunk in as a woke up. They ripped up the dragon horde too. It was originally a one of those fancy shelf thing for cakes with a only my favorite books in it, covered with a paper mache pile of gold a magical artifacts, and on top of the paper mache was a dragon, holding my #1 favorite, "The Tiniest Prince". It was really fun to make, and I was so proud when I finished it. But now it's just a bunch of scraps of paper and clay on the floor.

They also said some really mean things. Like that I was a "loser". Well maybe I wasn't... they probably just thought I was. Yeah! They just thought I was a loser and decided to be mean about it, just like dad! And mom, and Blain and probably even Lance- no! Not a loser! I'm sure there'll be other people in this school who know that... right?. . .

And thus, I set out to find someone to confirm my suspicions. After class at least. It looked like nobody was noticing me.. Well if course they shouldn't. They should be focusing! But they're talking to each other... And I should be focusing too!! God why do I get distracted so much! Freaking-! Stop brain! Geez it's one of these days again... Right class. And as I looked up, the teacher was erasing something from the board. It was probably to much for my (idiot- ug stop! Dad is wrong! Don't listen to him! Do it like the cool book people say!) brain to comprehend regardless. 

And after that I was slightly better at taking notes, though I was still getting distracted by every squirrel that scampered across the window sill. Eventually, after a long time if suffering, the lunch bell rang. This is my chance! Lunch time in schools is the most social part of the day! And thus I got my food, not awful for a school lunch, though I suppose that's because I'm royalty (my only redeeming- shut!), and decided to approach some kids at a table close to me.

But as I was leaving heading over, someone must have been putting their foot forward to far and I don't notice, so I tripped and spilled everything on the concrete floor and skinned my elbow. I probably would have cried because of the pain (like a baby! S-stop!), but my father said never to cry, so I held it in. "Sorry sunflower! Didn't mean to trip you!" The guy said as I scooped my food back into the tray, chuckling with his friends. "Oh it's alright!" I told him "they put all the meals in little bags anyway, so no harm done." He seemed really annoyed for some reason. Did I do something wrong?

But regardless, I approached the table of boys, and a couple of girls. The girls seemed to be getting really touchy with the boys. I only get that clingy when I'm having a lot of fun, so hopefully they'll have fun with me! But as I got close, they all glared at me, like I shouldn't be there. Was I (the worthless garbage I-. s-stop it. I'm not garbage...) ruining their fun? Should I back off? I should back off... I tried this with a couple more tables, but they didn't seem to like me either, and I ended up sitting in a table alone in a corner. Well now nobody's getting in my space.. Maybe I am just a loser... Or maybe I should try checking the park! Y-yeah, the park! It's really loud here, so the people who like reading and quiet must be outside! I can't believe I didn't try their first (anyone else would've). 

So I hiked around the school for a little while, it was really big y'know, and eventually found the exit. Nobody was there though. It was really pretty so people should be there (guess I was wrong again). But m-maybe there are people in the library. They might like me! But there was no one there either. M-maybe it's j-just this school. Maybe they just hate me, like father, and mother, and everyone else... geez who am I kidding? I am just a loser. But while I'm here, I might as well check something out. That might cheere up.

Looking though the isles and isles of books, one caught my eye. "The angel and the serpent"? That seems nice. And the cover art was pretty too. It looked about 10th grade reading level, judging by the blurb on the back. A bit lower than what I'm used to, but still interesting.

And as I opened it, there where the pretties pictures I've ever seen. The book was about a prophecy, about a hero, that seemed to just be a pile of dust, but was truly a mighty phoenix, that, with the help an angel with wings as pure as a white winter snow, would rise from their ashes a vanquish a great beast. And as I read further, I saw a man, stuck in a hole. I know what that feels like. But this man gets saved by and angel of fortune. He's respected across his village, and he says a mighty serpent. 

That sounds nice, being saved like that. He might be saved like that. Yeah of coarse he would! It happened all the time in fairy tales! Someone will come and help me, and we'll sail away from this place on one of my model ships, away from all the people who (know) I'm a loser, and everything will be happy...

But nobody came

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

YOOOOO shout-out to the art that was so baller it singlehandedly inspired me to visit Sue in the flesh!!!

Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen--the living, breathing human behind this account (yes, there is one, shockingly--I honestly wouldn't blame anyone for thinking I'm an abstract manifestation of Elimetri fangirling that somehow willed itself into existence) really went "well, if my fictional gay little karate boys think dinosaur is so cool, then I'm sure I will ALSO think dinosaur is so cool!!!" AND SURE ENOUGH, DINOSAUR WAS SO COOL.

Like, yes, granted, I was going to Chicago anyways, but the field museum side trip was 100% inspired by this art and this art alone, god bless!!! And tbh??? Best fuckin decision I've ever made, because NOTHING was more delightful than @baldwinboy5ive's unending glee at my museum visit livestream!!! I was grinning the whole time because of your hype, and it made my whole fucken day 💚🦖

But anyways!!!

I love how dead convinced we are that Demetri was a Dinosaur Kid™️. The diorama in of itself may not be hard and cold proof, but the fact that he could identify not even a hadrosaur, but a hadrosaur EGG??? Now THAT shit is damning! Pretty sure Yasmine only found it because it was the only egg there XD Imagine if there were other eggs in the diorama when he told her to "press the hadrosaur egg" and she's like "how the fuck am I supposed to know which one that is???" POINT BEING!!! Yeah, he knows his dinosaurs, and he WILL flex this knowledge XD Now Little Eli may have not been comfortable enough to infodump about his favorite animal to every human being within a 10 foot radius, but Little Demetri absolutely was! Much to the chagrin of their entire kindergarten class and every long-suffering adult who in fact did not want to hear the 15 theories about what stegosaurus had those plates for.

(Most of them have to do with mating displays. It's all mating displays. How does this 5-year-old child know about mating displays???)

No idea if this was intentional or not, but these lads seem to have an uncanny ability to match with/camouflage into their environment. They had blues and purples on for the aquarium, and now here, they've got brown jackets on to match Sue (kind of brownish-tan), and the kinda golden sheen of the wall matches Eli's hair!!! I like to think they're doing this on purpose, but it would also be very funny (and oddly on-brand) if they're thematically slaying entirely by accident.

Speaking of the yellow 'hawk!!! I honestly never really thought about him with this color until I saw your art. Maybe in passing, but I kinda dismissed it as looking too goofy (too...Gokucore, almost? Like we know he's an anime protagonist but how far should one really go with that XD). BUT HERE??? My god, he SLAYS :O It's got a really bright and cheerful vibe compared to a lot of his hairdos...which seems fitting, considering he seems to be in a much happier place here than he was with any of the previous 'hawks! It also kind of looks like a crown, which is great, because something something he may have been the all-valley champ, but he didn't REALLY become a winner--he didn't REALLY get the crown--until he won over the boy of his dreams!!! And homeboy probably feels like the king of the world right now 💛💛💛

Still so funny to me that Eli here bears a perfect resemblance to the recently rediscovered yellow-crested helmetshrike. You know. A shrike. The teeny tiny little songbird-sized bundle of fury and violence that spends all day screaming and killing its prey via impaling, breaking spines, and other such Extra and uncouth methods???

Noisy calls that match his bright feathers indeed!!!

This. Hmmmm. This art and the news about the yellow-crested helmetshrike may or may not have inspired a couple changes in my fanfiction that features shrikes. Find out soon 👀👀👀

ALSO!!! I love their cute matching star wars jackets 😭😭 What delightful space nerds!

They are 1000% the type of fuckers to have a wedding cake topper that's just two T-Rexes having a light saber duel. And I love that for them.

Truly @asphodel-storm was right again--it IS Eli's turn to gayze! And what a lovely gayze it is 💛💛💛 Made even better by the fact I just know it's immediately followed by Demetri turning and spouting rapid-fire t-rex facts in an excited daze XD And Eli is completely enraptured!!! Literally could not be happier the love of his life is infodumping endlessly at him ajshdcklxubx

Love to see they have their arms around each other because they are dating and in love 💗💗💗💗💗💗

Forever enamored with Demetri's cunty sekai taikai updo hairstyle. He looks like such a douchebag and then he comes up to you and talks your ear off about prehistoric lizards and such. It must be such whiplash and I'm obsessed with it. I need him drawn with this hair more, he looks so DELICIOUSLY douchey aksdhbol

And SUE, my girl Sue!!! She is a masterpiece :O Your attention to detail is honestly spectacular, like!!! It must've been a pain in the ass to get each individual bone looking quite right, but you put in the hours to do her justice and the end result SERVES. She's a beauty!!!

Some real-life Sue, because how could I not!!!

Thank you for your lovely dinosaur art, thank you for drawing our nerds so happy, and thank you for inspiring my field trip to see this very cool spooky scary skeleton 🦴 You are forever an icon!!!

I hope they had the BEST museum date and bought lots of goofy overpriced dinosaur merch in the gift shop!!!

Museum nerds for @ckreversebang

Sue

[trickster-whim]

Our Goodwills here suck, like mega bad, but they're the only easy-to-reach thrift stores on foot, so I made the trip today and wow, holy cow, there was Some Stuff.

Also my browser input these photos in backwards order and I was mostly too lazy to order them right; I'm lazy.

First up:

Giant mostly-plush Russ Troll clown doll! This guy... almost came home with me... I was obviously into these old Trolls when I was a kid, but I've never seen one this big. Like, scale is hard to judge, but this was lorge. Also adorable. But I'm on a budget, and my sister's afraid of clowns, so... pass...

This of course leads us into gourd sperm.

Like, I can't think of why this gourd looks like this. It's white, with a head and a long tail...?

Probably it's an instrument, but that's a spermatozoa, yeah?

I found this guy, who my phone was making look actually pretty good (Actually, kinda like Malfoy...), but he looked terrible in the store. His head was huge, and his clothes were pretty simple, but now I think he's kind of adorable. Not enough to buy him tho.

Another thing I would have bought if he wasn't so expensive (seriously, this is a thrift store. Please cool it with the massive inflation thanx) was pope doll.

He was like, fully articulated, which I was trying to show off with those last two photos. He was kinda great, but still pretty cheap overall. Not even for the memes, soz.

The last thing is something I saw in the toy section when I first walked in:

Looking at it, I guess it makes sense what it is, but like, if you don't know about postpartum pain and healing, "instant ice maxi pads" is absolutely baffling. I wasn't even sure if it was for food or body at first. And it reaffirmed that I never want kids lol.

There was a lot of other stuff that I didn't take the time to photograph, but what a weird trip overall. Also everybody was in "What is personal space?" mode and pushing me, which was just annoying. Like, you can wait thirty seconds to look at that cracked dish, lady, I promise.

[musings-from-mars]

@dragonslayer-week 2022 Day 2 (July 26): Nerd Yang / Jock Jaune

(High School AU)

Whatever the deal was with these guys, Jaune would never know. He has spent all summer practicing, preparing for football season, but even with how much he had improved with his catching and route running, his "teammates" did not seem to like him at all. Four in particular. Was it because he'd improved? No, it's not like he would be taking any of their spots on the team. He was good, but not better than them.

But every day of summer workouts, Jaune would arrive to the locker room and either receive the cold shoulder from them, or receive short, combative warnings from them, about staying out of their way, "Don't look at me, Jaune boy."

His coaches weren't much help. "They're just being competitive." Again, Jaune knew that wasn't it. Why be so competitive with the 3rd string tight end?

It was Friday, scrimmage day. Jaune was having a good practice, having not dropped a single pass thrown his way, unless you count that throw that ended up intercepted because that definitely was not his fault. A few teammates were encouraging, but those same four guys, Cardin, Dove, Skye and Russel, could not stop making him feel uneasy.

After a particularly rough shove from Cardin, during a minimal-contact run-through, Jaune finally had enough. "What is your problem with me?!" He asked, pushing himself back up to his feet. He did not want to get into a fight with this guy, but Cardin was advancing towards him. Other team members and a coach had to step in.

The question was genuine. He really wanted to know why Cardin and his buddies were so hostile towards him. Jaune didn't think he'd done anything to them. In fact, he generally avoided them for obvious reasons. He didn't get an answer. The coach told Cardin to go take a seat on the bench for the rest of practice. He'd get a talking to afterwards.

After practice, Jaune waited on the curb near the field as usual, waiting for his ride home from his older sister (he could not wait to get his own car, whenever that day would come). Saph was notorious for running late, so he would probably be there for a while. And in this heat? He was fine with just sitting here instead of getting a little extra practice in like other team members often did. He just sat under this tree, on his phone.

Jaune: Practice is over. Now the wait begins

Yang: Lol nice. Wanna hang out later

Jaune: Maybe after I shower. And nap. And eat like ten hamburgers or smthn. Probably shower twice

Yang: Stinky

Jaune: Hey

Jaune: You're not wrong

He had been friends with Yang since they were kids, when his family would take vacations to Patch. Then Yang's family moved here, three blocks away from Jaune's house. That trip between houses was made many times on bikes. Or in Yang's case, on bikes, then on motorized bikes, and as she had been working on for a long time, eventually a proper motorcycle. She'd been saying she wanted to finish it before the school year started, and she promised she'd start giving Jaune rides to and from school. He wasn't completely up for it, given Yang had a reckless streak, but riding a motorcycle definitely sounded fun, even if it definitely would get him in trouble with his parents if they new about it. But Yang was wildly smart, so he wasn't worried about anything with the bike itself (he was still amazed that her dad let her build one).

This was an unusually long wait. Maybe Saph was occupied with her college classes, or studying, or Terra. He had probably been here for about an hour when he noticed someone walking his way. It was Cardin and his crew.

Yang: Hey, wanna see something cool?

Jaune didn’t have time to respond. These four were heading his way with a purpose. A purpose he was not excited about dealing with. He stood to his feet, trying to seem brave, but much like when on the field, he didn’t like his chances against four big defenders.

“You’ve fucked up, Jaune boy,” Cardin said. He towered about a foot taller than Jaune, and significantly wider too. He could probably squeeze the sap out of a tree trunk.

“What did I do?” Jaune asked, curious of what he’d say. Again, he legitimately wanted to know.

“Like you don’t know,” Cardin said, slowly closing the distance between them. Jaune instinctively began backing up, onto the empty road.

“I really don’t,” Jaune said. “You guys come after me for no reason.”

“There’s plenty of reason, pussy,” Cardin spat. “You think you’re all that, you think you’re better than me, well I’ll teach you, get you to know better.”

“What?” Jaune never considered himself better than Cardin. Football wise, anyway. They played two completely different positions. As a person, though? He was definitely a better person than Cardin.

“That girlfriend of yours,” Cardin continued. “No, actually, that bitch of yours.”

Girlfriend? This was news to Jaune. Wait… “You mean Yang?”

“Uhhh ‘you mean Yang?’” Skye mocked, chuckling with the others as they stood behind Cardin.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Jaune said. “And she’s not a bitch, either.”

“Oh yes she is,” Cardin said. “She never told you? What she did to me?”

Jaune tilted his head. “Huh?”

“She stood me up, for you.”

Since when did Yang agree to go on a date with Cardin Winchester? “What?”

“She just needs to see who the real man here is,” Cardin said. “Not some piss rag like you.”

“I don’t know what you’ve convinced yourself is true, but Yang would never want to go out with you,” Jaune told him.

“That’ll change.” Cardin grinned and clapped his hands, rolling his shoulders as if warming up.

Jaune considered running, but where to? Besides, there was four of them, and Skye was especially fast. He was stuck here. Would he really have to do this?

“What’s it gonna be, Jaune boy?” Cardin said, standing and waiting to see if Jaune would step up. “Fight like a man?”

Jaune remembered something his dad once told him. “Men don’t fight, but children do.” Too bad Cardin was being a very big, very angry child right now. He swallowed down the lump in his throat. Yep, he had no choice…

“Pussy,” Cardin said and set on Jaune, stomping forward. Jaune began backtracking, evading Cardin’s attempts to grab and punch him. Jaune managed to shove him away, but that wouldn’t keep working. Fuck, where was Saph? Or the coach? Anyone that could stop this? Jaune just wanted to go home.

Cardin landed a glancing blow to Jaune’s temple. It didn’t exactly hurt that much, but triggered reflex tears in his eye, which steamed down his face. “Yeah, cry,” Cardin taunted, only for Jaune to quickly lower his shoulder and block him backwards. Cardin was surprised and stumbled back, falling to his butt.

Jaune took a shaky breath and stepped back. Maybe he’d stop now?

No, of course not, and now Cardin was even more angry. She got up and grunted, breaking into an almost-run towards Jaune.

It was then that Jaune heard the sound of a motor quickly approaching. He turned to look down the street. It was a yellow motorcycle, the rider wearing a very recognizable flaming gold helmet.

“Yang?” Jaune muttered, only to get punched in the face. He partially dodged, taking it just under the eye instead of the nose. He fell to the ground, but when he looked back up, Cardin’s attention was turned toward Yang, who had skidded to a stop and dismounted her newly completed motorcycle.

“Oh hey, look who showed up,” Cardin said, grinning at Yang. He cracked his knuckles. “Don’t worry, hun. Just settling some issues.”

Yang was dressed in a brown jacket over an orange tank top and black jeans. She slipped the helmet off her head, letting her hair fall and revealing a very angry expression. She kept toward Cardin.

“Yeah yeah, that’s it, bring it in, cutie,” Cardin said, arms outstretched as if expecting a hug.

He instead got a helmet to the teeth.

Cardin stumbled to his knees and roared in pain. He held his mouth, blood dripping on the street. “Whath the thuck?!”

Yang looked at the other three, all wide-eyed and frozen in place.

“Oh, shit.” Jaune muttered.

“Fuck outta here,” Yang grumbled to the three, and gestured to Cardin with her helmet. “And take him and his teeth with you.”

“Thuck you!” Cardin cursed as he stumbled to his feet.

“Come on, let’s tell coach,” Dove suggested.

“Yeah, tell your coach a girl knocked your huge gopher teeth out, tough man,” Yang said with a smile, flashing her silver braces.

“Thut the thuck up, bisch!” Cardin yelled, his voice breaking. The four turned and left, likely to get Cardin home and call a dentist.

Yang made sure to watch them leave, then turned in time to see as Jaune got to his feet. She shook her head. “What the fuck happened?”

“Apparently,” Jaune said as he watched the four leave too. “He’s pissed about you standing him up?”

Yang leaned her head back and groaned. “Seriously?”

“Since when do you like dickheads like him?”

“I don’t? But he just would. Not. Stop.” Yang paused and poked Jaune in the cheek. “Does that hurt?”

“Ow— Slightly.”

She stepped closer and looked at his eye closely. “Hmm.”

“I see you finished your bike,” Jaune said with a chuckle. “Good timing.”

“Your eye looks fine, I think.”

“I think it was mostly my cheek,” he said, acknowledging the annoying throbbing along his cheekbone. She was still looking at his face closely. He could feel her breath on his face. Hair was sticking to her forehead from wearing a helmet in this heat. “What’s with the red contacts?”

“I can’t wear my huge glasses under my helmet visor.”

“But why red?”

“I’m a weeb.” She nodded, then coughed and stepped back. “Yep, you’re stinky. Well…” She gestured to her bike. “Want a ride?”

“Maybe after you explain the rest of whatever the hell Cardin was talking about.”

“He would talk to me every day between classes last year,” she said. “And I kept saying no, no, fuck off, no. I think he just thought I was playing hard to get. Which I was. I was very hard for him to get, but apparently he’s no quitter.”

“And so you eventually agreed to go out with him?”

“No! He walked up to me, handed me a movie ticket, and told me to meet him at the theater at 10pm to see that Jay Hawk movie.”

“The one we went to see?”

“Yep! I took the ticket and brought you instead!”

Jaune blinked. “Well no wonder he thinks we’re dating.”

“He thinks we…? Well no wonder he tried to fight you. He’s an insecure little weirdo.”

Jaune chuckled. “Thanks for saving me, by the way.”

“I mean, thanks for giving me an excuse to knock the guy’s teeth out.” She looked at her helmet and sighed, pointing at the top. “Left a mark.”

“My condolences to your helmet on its injury,” Jaune said sarcastically, smiling at her.

She rolled her eyes and chuckled. “I’m sorry that douche hit you. That’s so fucked up, honestly. You didn’t do anything.

“Well, I don’t think he’ll mess with me anymore. He might think my girlfriend will come after him again.”

“I’ll take any chance he gives me,” Yang said honestly. “I just…really hate him. I hope he has that coin slot in the front of his face forever.

“Same.”

She led him over to her newly completed bike. “Well, what do you think?”

“You seriously built this whole thing all on your own,” Jaune said, not really asking, more just expressing his wonder. The bike had a yellow and orange color scheme and chrome accents. It was the coolest thing he had ever seen.

“With a little help from my dad.” She lifted the backseat and pulled a spare helmet from the hidden compartment. She tossed it to Jaune. “Safety first.”

He caught the helmet and laughed. “All that studying paid off then?”

“I taught myself how to build a motorcycle, and then I did,” Yang said with a shrug.

“Just as a fun little project.”

“Yep.”

Jaune would never not envy how smart Yang was. “So humble.” He said with a smile, then put his helmet on. “So, do I just…?”

She climbed onto the bike and started the engine. “Just climb on back.”

“Do I need to, like, hold onto you?” Jaune asked as he awkwardly got onto the bike behind her.

“Sure,” she said, having to yell over the engine. “If you really want to.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed, encircling her waist and locking his fingers together in front of her, because he didn’t know where else to put his hands. “How fast does this thing go?”

“Dunno, shall we find out?”

“Uh.”

Yang laughed. “JK, I’m taking things slow with her.”

“Her?”

“Her name’s Bumblebee.”

He patted the side of the bike. “Hi Bumblebee.”

Yang laughed, leaning back and nudging him with her shoulder. “Shall I get you home so you can shower and nap and eat your hamburgers?”

“Yes please.”

“I could join you.”

“You want burgers?”

“No, to shower and nap with you, duh,” she said sarcastically, nudging him again, and making him blush. “We aren’t actually dating, remember?”

“Well, I mean…” Jaune began, muttering softly enough to where he assumed she wouldn’t be able to hear.

Yang giggled and revved the engine. “Off we go!” She took off down the street, accelerating much faster than Jaune expected. He yelped and leaned back, jabbing Yang in the stomach with his locked hands. She shook her head and for some reason, began driving in a serpentine manner, making Jaune wobble side to side. “Just getting you used to it!” She yelled.

“Ahhhh,” Jaune responded in the most respectable way he could.

Yang laughed again and accelerated. He was a bit more ready for it this time. As she got on a busier road and sped up, he couldn't help but laugh. This was awesome! And terrifying!

But if Yang was being truthful about giving him rides every day, he would surely get used to it eventually.

[catgrassplantdad]

Jessie Jessie Jessie Jessie what if Ian like. Finds Mickey's band shirts. Right. And Mickey totally has some super obscure band shirts that he found in the garbage in thrift stores and Ian is like I should listen to these my husband must like them and they're not Ian's style at ALL but he makes the effort, maybe throws on some eyeliner and flirts bc clearly his husband likes a darker edge and Mickey does Not Know how to tell Ian that he doesn't really like The Bloody Death Sabers he just thought the t shirt looked cool.

(also afterwards when Ian is relieved that Mickey doesn't like all these crazy metal bands he says something along the lines of "I mean Jesus who actually listens to insane clown posse" and mickey's like "uhhhh sure that's totally not a band I legitimately like")

Oooh okay interesting scenario!

I could absolutely picture teenage Mickey plucking clothes out of dumpsters if they seemed like they were in decent enough shape. That feels super plausible. The thing is, I fully headcanon him as liking all kinds of stuff, but specifically being a metalhead on top of everything else. He likes heavy shit! I'm not gonna touch juggalo mickey with a ten foot pole, that is just not something I could even begin to entertain, but the rest of it? Yeah he's got a couple obscure band tees, and when they're unpacking in the apartment Ian's like ooooh what's this. Interesting. And this is how he becomes more acquainted with Mickey's appreciation for the doomiest, sluuudgiest stoner metal, and the speediest thrash, and the silliest industrial shit. And he's like huh alright this isn't my favorite thing. But he knew Mickey was into that good good heavy shit and he listens to a couple of these bands out of curiosity and he feels like he's being crushed by the weight of the sound and is like OKAY. Well if he likes this then maybe I should lean into it a little. And he tries the eyeliner thing and Mickey has no idea what's happening, doesn't make the connection at all because why would he, Ian's making the effort but he's a little lost okay? One thing does not lead to the other. Enjoying getting fucked up while listening to Monolord and Electric Wizard and grooving in the car to Power Trip and being a fifteen year old in his bedroom jamming on his guitar to Rammstein does not mean he desires makeup on his husband. That said, he's weirdly into it. He'd seen Ian in makeup before but those circumstances were waaayyy different. This, though? This is actually pretty hot. Obviously he jumps on his dick.

Also, gonna introduce this idea real quick: remember Ian's Ozzy t shirt from season one? Mickey finds it. Similar situation, unpacking boxes in the apartment and he's like "whose is this?!" And Ian confirms it's his and Mickey is STUNNED. He's like oh man I liked ozzy when I was a kid too! And he makes Ian listen to the shit he appreciates more now as an adult, 70s-era Sabbath and modern-day Sabbath worship bands blaring in the rig while they make runs all the time now. Ian doesn't know how to tell him he liked one bad ozzy osbourne album from 2007 when he was a tiny bean and he bought the shirt to be edgy and cool and the super riffy heavy stuff is a little much for him.

[lihikainanea]

Ohmygod Lei, please write something about Tiger or Bill showing up at the other’s place being super fucking cold because it’s freezing outside and they’re just like totally pre-hypothermic so the other starts by cocooning them in the bed, and then when it’s not quite working they ✨get busy✨ because skin on skin contact is warming AF and the sexy feelings get you nice and toasty.

Okay but baby what if this is kind of during one of the famous Skarsgard camping trips?

Because this has so many ~layers~ to it--no pun intended.

Bill is a seasoned woodsman, like any Swede worth his salt. In preparation for the annual Skarsgard camping trip, tiger marvels at the way Bill just like...morphs into a fucking Boy Scout. He has a fishing vest, like complete with tons of pockets and all are loaded with different lures and bait and all kinds of shit. He has a hunting knife (but tiger still argues that she can handle a knife better than him--and she's right), he has a fully equipped tent and sleeping bags with all the latest heat tech. Bill knows how to start a fire with two rocks, or even with wet sticks. The fucker has a compass and before their first camping trip, he gave tiger a whole lesson on which mushrooms were edible, which ones would get you high, which ones would get you dead. He plucks berries off of bushes and gives them a sniff test to determine if they're poisonous or not.

Bill has a third degree badge in bear safety.

And tiger just...like, tiger's a city girl and a country girl all rolled into one, but maybe there hasn't been a lot of opportunity in her life to go camping. Glamping? sure. Setting up in a chalet that has a fire and running water--she can do that. But spending days in the depths of wilderness where there is no bathroom because everywhere is your bathroom and it's so dark at night you can't see a foot in front of you, and even though the days are scorching hot the nights are really quite cool and tiger just didn't pack the way she should have. There wasn't a single sweater in her duffel bag and even if there was, her duffel bag was now strung up on a wire 100 feet in the air after Bill shrieked upon discovering a half eaten granola bar in it on the second day and went on a tangent about grizzly bears.

But anyway, maybe it happens the first night there because tiger is cozy around the campfire and even cozier thanks to the bottle of akvavit making the rounds. But the cold--the bone chilling, damp cold of a deep forest--that'll sneak up on you. And tiger doesn't even realize how cold she's getting, or the shiver that's setting in, because the campfire is dying off so slowly. But eventually it's completely gone, they all say their goodnights, and Bill walks her back to their tent. He zips it up, but he quirks a brow at an odd noise and turns slowly to her.

Tiger's teeth are literally chattering, smacking together, and a full tremor has taken over her body to the point where she can't even unzip the sleeping bag.

"Whoa kid, hey," he says concerned. He reaches for her and grabs her hands, and he gasps. "You're frozen!"

"Y-yeah," she stutters.

"Why didn't you say something?" he asks. But Bill is already in action mode. He shrugs out of his sweater, and tiger thinks he's going to give it to her but instead he throws it to the side and drops his pants.

"Clothes off," he juts his chin at her, "Now."

She looks at him like he's grown a second head.

"I'm f-freezing," she says, and her whole body gives another violent shake. She protests loudly when he grabs at her sweater.

"Shhh," he says sternly, then he motions to the other tents around.

"Body heat is the most effective, fastest way of warming up," he tells her in a hushed whisper, "Naked. Now."

And then before she can protest again, he just bends and yanks her pants down. She seizes just from the sheer cold, and he helps her out of her sweater.

"In," he motions to the sleeping bag. She climbs in and he follows, then he wraps himself around her.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he hisses through clenched teeth, "God you're a fucking icicle."

But like, he's very warm. So tiger huddles in more. And she wraps her freezing cold feet around the back of his thighs.

"Motherfucker," he cusses again, but she nuzzles her face into his chest.

But he's just so warm. And he smells so goddamn good. And tiger thaws out in no time, pressed in tight to his chest while his big hand rubs rhythmically up and down her back. And they both start to feel it, he buries his nose in her neck and sniffs her there, and tiger can feel him hardening against her thigh. She presses a little more into him and he groans lowly, rolls over so he's on top of her.

"Can you be quiet?" he asks against her mouth, and she cranes up to kiss his nose.

"Please Billy," she begs softly. And god, he's done for. Anytime she begs him like that, he'll give her whatever she goddamn wants. Every time.

"Not a sound sweet girl," he tells her.

And like, they even have to keep their movements slow because otherwise, everyone would hear the rustling of the sleeping bag. Tiger ends up being the one having to clamp a hand over Bill's mouth when his breathing gets a bit too heavy, when he can't hold back the moans anymore. She reaches to her side and grabs her panties, shoves them into his mouth and then pulls his head down so it's buried in her pillow as he just rocks slowly into her.

[shysneeze]

missed smiles (draco malfoy x reader)

missed smiles (draco malfoy x fem!reader)

request: could you do a Draco imagine where the reader gets injured somehow (like falls down the stairs) after a fight (angst) and then he gets all protective (fluff)? tysm!

Warnings: kind hints towards depression but it’s minor.  half blood prince level draco angst because I'm in one of those moods mentions of war,  family pressures etc, fighting and injury. 

Authors note: I skimped so hard on the fluff this is basically just angst pls forgive me. 

..

The late November snow crunches aggressively underfoot as (Y/N) storms back towards the castle, Draco's footsteps echoing her own not far behind her as he calls after her. She lets out a harsh breath, not daring to look back in case her anger slips into something else and the tightness in her throat gives way to the sob she's been holding back.

"(Y/N), please." He pleads. "Let me explain."

She comes to a stop, breath shaking as it leaves her lips and forming wispy streams of condensation as it meets the cool air. She knows she needs to turn around, but she can't look at him right now, she can't look at him without seeing it again on his arm, the inky mark of the wizarding world's dark past and looming future.

It was revealed after what was a perfect date. She was so happy to see him smiling, that grin that was becoming so rare these days, she was sure it was the start of better things for this school year. Then she saw it, seeping through a wet patch on his shirt when he peeled off his coat to layer on top of her own due to the aftermath of an impromptu snowball fight. Ominous and taunting, the dark mark stared back at her.

Now, she finds herself turning slowly to face him, glad momentarily to find he's covered the incriminating tattoo, that she can't see it directly, with all its cruel implications. However, the knowledge of it has engraved itself in the centre of her thoughts, torturous and vile.

"How do you even begin to explain that, Draco?" She demands through gritted teeth. "How?"

He gulps under her harsh look despite knowing it's a quickly crumbling façade, watching her bottom lip tremble and her eyes well with reluctant tears. Words tumble out so quickly he's not even sure they make sense, a panicked onslaught of barely coherent apologies as he steps closer.

"No, Draco." She whimpers, stepping back. "No."

Her eyes clench shut and forces the escape of reluctant tears that she lifts her shaking hand to hide. The logical bit of her, the bit that tells her he doesn't want this, that knows him well enough to know his hand must have been forced in the matter, is hidden behind the bitterly betrayed part of her conscience.

"I can't do this right now." She exhales shakily.

His jaw slackens in defeat, explanations left hanging on the tip of his tongue while he watches her leave, ascending the steps to the castle. The weight of it all settles once again on his chest as it has all year, heavy on his lungs until he's forced to breathe manually under the pressure. He watches her go, convinced that's it, that his one perfect thing is gone for good.

His eyes cast downwards with shame and he's about to turn to walk away himself, to find somewhere to think everything through when he hears her yelp. He's too late in turning to help, instead staring wide-eyed and her crumbled figure at the bottom of the icy steps.

"(Y/N)!"

.

(Y/N) groans softly as she struggles to open her eyes, frown fixing itself on her face at the her unfamiliar surroundings. She doesn't register herself as being in the hospital wing until she hears the gentle tut of Madam Pomfrey from the foot of her bed.

"Miss (Y/L/N)." She greets. "Finally awake I see."

"Finally?"

Her voice is hoarse and quiet, forcing her to wonder just how long she's been out for. Madam Pomfrey gives her an understanding look and gives her a sympathetic smile. The older woman steps around her bed to (Y/N)'s side and gently pushes her into an upright position in order to manoeuvre the pillows in her aid.

"You had quite a tumble down the stairs, my dear." She informs. "Quite the concussion I'm afraid, so don't worry if it takes a moment to remember- I'm sure Mr Malfoy will be able to help once he wakes up too."

The nurse gesture with a slight smirk towards the head of blonde hair resting face down on the edge of the mattress, just by (Y/N)'s legs. The sight of him is enough to have the memories flooding back, heart aching at the memory.

"I'll be back to check on you in a few." Madam Pomfrey informs.

"Thanks." (Y/N) gulps.

Once the older woman is gone, footsteps placing her well in the distance, (Y/N) turns back to the sleeping boy by her side. He looks small here, curled by her side, so sweet it's hard to believe what he's hiding underneath his cool façade and long sleeves. She finds herself reaching a hand out tiredly for his hair, curling her fingers in it gently and watching him stir.

He wakes as groggily as she did, with the same confused frown. Then, eyes meeting hers, they widen and a sigh of sheer relief escapes his lips. He looks exhausted, with ashy grey circles hanging under his eyes, although she's sure they've been like that for months now.

"Thank goodness you're awake, (Y/N)." He exhales. "God, I was so worried."

"How long?"

"About a day." He informs. "You hit you're head really hard-"

"Not that." She corrects in a whisper. "How long have you had t-the mark?"

The light brought to his face from her recovery dies at the question, eyes dropping instantly. She almost feels bad, but she needs to know, she needs to understand this all before she can allow herself to look at him the same.

"The summer." He admits. "Just before the start of term."

She inhales loudly, sharply as she take it in. She pulls her hand back from where he'd clutched it in relief when he first woke. The betrayal bites bitterly at her heart and tugs her brows into a disbelieving frown.

"I know." He whispers.  

She pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs aloud, causing him to shift guiltily. The logical part of her is back, reminding her that she knows him, knows this is not something he would do if given the option not to.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Her words throw him off and he stares at her in disbelief. Where he expects the furrowed brows of an angry glare, he finds her expression full of concern. His confusion over her reaction manifest itself as a frown.

"I'm a- a deatheater, (Y/N)."

His voice is hushed, cautious of the fact only the thin layer of the curtain around her bed shields them from the rest of the hospital wing, from listening ears. She lets out a sigh, clenching her eyes shut and shaking her head in response.

"No you're not." She sighs, an almost desperate edge to her voice, as if she's trying to convince herself. "You're not, Draco."

"I took the mark, (Y/N)." He corrects. "I'm sorry."

"There's no way you wanted this." She argues. "This has your father written all over it. I know this isn't you-"

"How do you always do that?"

She can see him trying to keep himself together, fists clenched so tightly they shake and his eyes brimming with tears he's begging to stay put. He lets out a sharp sigh, turning away from her to hide how his mask is crumbling, how he's so quickly beginning to come undone.

"What?"

"What do you see that no one else does?"

His voice cracks. Red rimmed eyes meet (Y/N)'s, so full of raw emotion that she finds herself letting out the smallest of sniffles as her fingers reach out for his closed fists, loosening them enough to grasp his hand in hers.

"I see my boyfriend frowning more than he smiles." She begins, voice trembling. "I see him losing all motivation for his hobbies, I see him sneaking off when he thinks I'm not looking and telling me he's fine when he's not."

She squeezes his hand, begging him to understand, to understand that she's worried, she so worried for him that it hurts. She worried when his smile didn't meet his eyes on the train, and when he asked to stay curled together in his dorm room the day of the first Hogsmeade trip when they would usually go to Honeydukes together. She’s worried all year.

"I was so relieved yesterday to see you smile." She continues. "I miss your smiles so much, Draco."

He lets out an inaudible apology, fixing his tear filled eyes on their joined hands, gasping under the pressure to keep himself together. It's like she's pulled out the last thread, the one that was keeping him in one piece and as if any sudden movement will rip him apart now.

"I know you're a good person." She concludes. "I know you don't want this."

"I don't." He admits through a raspy, quiet sob. "I don't want this but I had to- I had to for my family."

"Your dad?" She asks sadly.

"Father made a mistake, but it's H-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named who chose me, to amend my family's names in his eyes." He shakes his head. "It was the only decision that could be made."

"Draco..."

"You know what he did to Cedric Diggory." He explains. "I have to do this to keep us safe."

"You're just a kid, Draco." (Y/N) whimpers. "We're just kid and this isn't supposed to be our battle... I'm so sorry that it's ended up yours"

"Don't apologise to me." He pleads. "Don't., (Y/N)"

"Someone needs to, Draco." She argue. "This isn't fair on you."

Her voice finally cracks and tears rolls down her cheeks. She sighs in frustration when he looks up in concern. She's supposed to the pillar of support right now, hospital bed or not. The tears plough downward regardless though.

"Don't upset yourself." He begs.

"I'm angry, Draco!" She exclaims. "No at you- at this whole thing."

"(Y/N) please, you shouldn't stress yourself after the fall." He gulps. "You'll still have a concussion."

She's almost forgotten where they are, and why they're here in the first place. She lifts her free hand to the newly thumping pain in her head and grimaces. He shuffles closer, lifting a hand to tilt her head for inspection when she swats it away.

"No, I'm the patient so you have to listen to me."

She gives him a stubborn frown that has him sinking back like a scolded child to listen to her. She extends her bandaged arm out and pokes a finger against his chest sternly, his eyes widening at the serious look in her watery eyes.

"We're going to fix this." She states firmly. "We're going to fix this together and you and your family are going to be safe again."

"H-how?"

"I don't know but we will."

She drops her hand to find his once again, squeezing his fingers with a sigh. He stares at her in silence for so long she's worried he's angry, but then his lips twitch into the slightest of smiles and a breathless chuckles falls from his lips.

"Thought I was supposed to be looking after you." He explains softly.

"I only fell, Draco." She assures. "I'm fine."

"(Y/N), you have no idea how terrifying it was so see you on the ground like that." He shakes his head. "Not moving, not waking up, and all I could think was I drove you away and you hurt yourself."

"Draco..." She sighs. "I was surprised, I didn't know what to do when I saw that thing on your arm and  ran when I shouldn't have."

"This isn't your fault."

"It isn't yours either."

He lets out another laugh behind a poorly disguised sob, shaking his head again in surprise, perplexed again by her reactions. Always seeing the good in him, even when everyone is convinced it's not, when he himself has lost hold of it.

"I love you." He exhales.

"I love you too." She smiles sadly. "We're going to work this out, I promise."

He lift's the linked hands to his lips and kisses her knuckles gently. He believes her, something in his heart clinging to the assurance in her voice and the hope in her eyes. She's pulled that last thread, allowed him to fall apart at the seams in order to sew him back together again, gently and patiently, starting with the first stitch.

"I'm going to see that smile again."

.

Authors notes: like to think madam pomfrey is just sat outside the curtains like  👁👄👁 

[develation]

A Lifeguard's preach- please read

Okay, hi, welcome to my Ted talk. So surprise for some of you but I work as a lifeguard, and I have some things to say about my experience for the 2 years I've worked as one.

A lot of people have decided it's okay to crap on first responders lately, which is a subject I will lightly touch on. But pool lifeguards have been under-appreciated for a very long time. The pool I work at is like a mini-waterpark. We have slides, basketball hoops, a water playground, a lazy river (with tubes), an obstacle course, and concessions. Were not just your neighborhood pool, which means there are more dangers to look out for. Because you can tell yourself that things never happen, but that's a lie. Every day, things always happen.

So today I was walking my stand (grazing stands there called because you walk back and forth for 20 mins straight and then move to the next stand to do it all over again for another 20 mins. repeat that process for 2 hours on lazy river rotation). And this lady decided to sit right in the middle of where I'm walking. Now in lifeguarding, we have to keep a 10/20, which means 10 seconds to see someone and 20 seconds to get to them. And the zone I'm on is SCS which is the little kid playground, y'know, with TODDLERS AND BABIES EVERYWHERE. So in order to properly scan my zone and make sure none of these babies start choking on water, I ask her to move. And she looks at me and goes, "well you should have a sign there that says that." She moves, but did this lady seriously tell me that we should have a sign that says- "Please don't sit in the Lifeguards way. They are trying to make sure you and your child don't die." Like what?!

It's not just her, I alone have been disrespected so much on this job, it's stupid. I've had moms tell me to LEAVE MY ZONE and go get their kid because it will be my fault if they drown when the mother herself is on the other side of the lazy river. I've saved a boy and the mother said, "He was fine. I'm not filling out the paperwork, I just want to enjoy my last ten minutes here." Like, YOUR FUCKING WELCOME.

I am so sick of this. Do people don't even know the amount of training we do just to even work? I have at least 200 hours of training, and I don't even work the full year's cuz of school. It's not just CPR y'know? I know how to and train to handle Rescue-Breathing, seizures, chest compressions (yes, that is different from CRP), allergic reactions, heat stroke, burns, chemical burns (mostly for employees because we work with that stuff), Heimlich, Spinals (head, neck, and back injuries), eye trauma, and more. I, WE, may be no police officer or EMT, but we know our shit.

For working in general, while you're sitting in that cool water enjoying life. Where sitting there (or even worse, walking) in 2-hour rotations sweating our asses off. You can talk about those umbrellas we get on sitting stands all day BUT THEY DON'T DO CRAP. Because the sun MOVES in the sky. And most shifts are from 10:45 to 6:30, open to close. I have only worked 3 shifts that haven't been 7 or 8 hours long.

"What about lunch breaks?" well guess what, we don't get one! Every 2 hours we get 17 min breaks (15 guards on stand and 3 in break room at all times, that's how our rotation works) that could be interrupted at any moment because people don't drown on a schedule. My water bottle is broken (it leaks) from how many times I've thrown that thing when a long whistle goes off.

Just imagine, you're sitting there eating your well-deserved sandwich, slipping some water from your water bottle, chatting it up with the other guards. And then out of fucking nowhere- BRRRRRRRRRRRRR- *Hi this is adrenaline, I'm gonna turn all the way up now* "OH SHIT SOMEONE'S DROWNING FUCK FUCK FUCK-." And now you, your boss, and other 2 break guards are sprinting full speed across the pool deck trying not to trip over your own equipment. With your food and water bottle forgotten on the concrete of the guard-room floor. [It was a very sad day. I had ordered Jimmy Johns just for that...]

I have saved 8 people, all of them children. And every day, there are at least 2 saves, which means someone is drowning and a lifeguard has to jump in for them. Realistically though? There have been too many days for me to count where there were 8 or if not more saves. People take pool safety for granted, there fucking idiots who think that just because they're tall enough to go down the slide they can swim in the 12-foot deep catch pool. They think that they can go in the lazy river without a tube. Or that they don't need a lifejacket. Parents are idiots, who don't watch their children. In one of my saves, I watched a kid disappear underwater in front of me. One second they were above water and the next, just gone. It's not like the movies guys, there's no screaming or splashing. There's the weird doggy paddle, and then they stop making distance and are weirdly treading, and then they're gone. And then you have to pick out from the kids who are floating with their backs on the surface, the kids who pretend to drown for fun, and the adults who think it's okay to "test" the lifeguards.

Just today, within the first 20 mins of open we have a lady pass out. There's something horrifying about holding someone's limp body in your hands and them not waking up. Last year we had a lifeguard pass out from the heat on the lazy river. Just flop straight onto the pavement. In years past we had a woman have a heart attack on the deck. We kept her alive until EMS arrived but she died in the hospital 3 days later. There was another lady who busted her knee open and bled everywhere. Stuff always happens.

I make $10.86 an hour to save people's lives and get shit on while doing it. It's not everybody, I meet those parents who say, "Don't worry, I'll yell at them." Those kids whole actually put their tubes back and put back the tubes that everybody left right next to the corral. That one dude who filled up my water bottle with his water because, "I looked like I was melting and needed something good today". Those girls who say I'm pretty despite all my scaring and me having short hair (yes I have gotten judged for being a girl and having short hair). But most of the time, we are ignored and looked down upon.

Trust me, we don't mind small talk. Or making jokes, telling stories. We just want to be appreciated. And I just don't feel that most of the time. My bosses have been amazing to me, and they are one of the only reasons I come to work with a smile on my face. But above all that, I just want to fulfill the childhood-old dream of being a hero. Of saving a life. I know I'm not quite suited out for firefighting or EMT's or policing.

But I'm still doing it. And I would like for others to just see me, instead of yelling at me for saving their child's life.