#and he said he's not like that he doesnt dwell

[camphorror]

And at least to me the vibes are RANCID when ur talking to someone about absolute nonsense that can be just friendly chat but there's an ocean of years ofbhistory between you that must cease to exist for any of these "chats" to exist but the worst part is that it's only I that probably cares about this because he has no reason at all to slightly care at this point about anything that happens, cos he's still with the girl I loved the most in my life! He didn't lose nothing in that whole ordeal. It's only I who feels like this cos that day (funnily enough, exactly 7 months ago TODAY completely shattered my life to pieces)

[fellhellion]

his internalised homophobia flavoured cowardice etc etc but genuinely kind of obsessed with the way this is the only glimpse you really get into what yosuke has been mulling over in relation to kanji specifically over the course of like. months at this point.

[bylertruther]

will didn't win against henry in s2 because he was struggling due to the anniversary effect AND because he felt like a freak with how much everyone was babying him and treating him like he couldn't handle anything on his own anymore.

in season four, we see that he's still affected by what others think or could think of him ("sometimes i think it's just scary to open up like that to the people you care about the most, because what if they don't like the truth?") he wants to open up, he wants to be understood, but he's understandably too scared to.

then, we end the season with him knowing that the worst is yet to come ("something is coming.. something hungry for blood.. a shadow grows on the wall behind you, swallowing you in darkness. it's almost here.") and likely feeling more sure than ever in thinking there's absolutely no way he could ever have a chance with mike, especially not after that monologue and his week of pushing (not that will probably thought he did anyway, but still lol.)

his next live-or-die encounter with henry in s5 will likely be even scarier now that the world is at stake and monsters roam the streets, but he'll eventually be surrounded by so much unwavering love and support for his true self, have his own experiences to fall back on, and his own BELIEF in HIMSELF that he WILL stand up to henry again and WIN this time. the battle will come and he'll have so much light in him at this point that it casts away and overpowers what darkness still dwells within that henry could try to use to his advantage. he won't roll a 7, he won't freeze, he won't be left screaming for his life in a field. he'll come of age, he'll cast fireball, and he'll win!!!! AND I'LL WATCH!!!!!! 📣

[tojisun]

EXPAND ON THIS

https://www.tumblr.com/tojisun/758472884430716928/no-matter-how-hard-you-try-you-just-cant-make

AND MY LIFE IS YOURS

aww im glad that u (all) liked that blurb!! didnt expect the vitriol in ur guys’ reactions but ykw? samesies <3 oki uhh so heres something quick and simple

cw: fivesome (but they go in order, also simon doesnt properly get a turn im sorry 😞); f!reader; subspace; builds up into consensual noncon; unrealistic sex; rambly as hell and its set up messily; wc is 3.6k :’3

(you tell them it’s a wrong send, and that it’s meant for johnny so they all said, “oh damn. welp,” and leaves you and johnny to go at it all night long teehee <33) (jk) (unless) (no ok im jk)

johnny fucks you first. the guys didn’t complain, and trickled into your room, ready to fall to whatever place they could sit down to watch. johnny laughs, and tugs you towards him, gently slapping your hand away when you try to cover yourself up with your shirt, and tells them, “watch me.”

not us, but me. like you’re a nameless hole whose only worth is to be fucked, and somehow that… doesn’t deter you at all.

instead, you ignore the warmth flooding in your cheeks and the stares that drag on your body, and focused on johnny’s smirk and his crooning words and his wide palms roving over whatever sliver of your skin he can touch. he positions himself in between your legs, his fatigues an uncomfortable sensation against your oversensitive skin.

he doesn’t care. he drags down his zipper and frees his cock from his briefs, before swiping his palm on the inside of your thigh, gathering the excess lube glistening there to use it as oil for his prick. your nose scrunches when he brings his hand to give himself a quick tug, foreskin peeling from the head to show off how flushed it is.

he crawls until he’s on top of you, and throws out, “let me show ye how to fuck ‘er, yes?”

you don’t even realize the words are for the rest of the squad because he’s already slipping his cock in your cunt, slow and careful, and you keen because yessss—

this is the delicious burn you’ve wanted. oh god oh god—

it didn’t even take johnny long before you’re cumming, your throat spasming at the scream that rips itself out from within you. your hips rise from the bed, your body jolting, unable to ground itself at the breaking euphoria that forced shockwaves to raze your synapses.

you fall on the bed limply, satiation filling you up in lapping waves. johnny pulls out and fucks his fist and sprays his cum all over your stomach. he musses it up, rubbing his palm against it like it’s a damn lotion, and lathers whatever inch of your belly he can cover.

it’s gross and weird, especially as the recollection that you’ve had an audience hits you, but then johnny’s stepping back and moving away. you try to shut your legs close, but someone’s already shuffling in, taking up the space that johnny had carved out.

you stare up at your captain, shock filling you up. he doesn’t ask with words but he quirks his brow up, waiting, and you don’t know what it is, but you give him a nod before ducking your head to the side.

which was a mistake, you learn, because you make eye contact with kyle; kyle who is—was—slowly rubbing himself through his pants, his palm gliding over his chub. his eyes are blown wide and he looks ravenous as he meets your gaze.

you hiccup, feeling cornered and delighted at the same time, but then john’s rubbing his cock along your messy folds, using the mess you and johnny made to lube himself up, and you mewl, tearing your eyes away from kyle to meet john’s stare head on.

he looks… calm. not teasing nor hungry, but poised with forced grace like this is another mission, and he has willed his full body to sync together so that not even a stray strand of hair will falter and miss a beat.

you don’t know how to position that with yourself, not like you needed to dwell on it any further because john’s already thrusting in. like johnny, he is careful, but he is more cautious, pushing inch by inch without even a ragged breath like he’s scoping out your reaction before he could let out his.

god, why’s everything so difficult with him—even now, speared with his cock, you still don’t know how to react. it’s like you’re a recruit all over again, dawdling underneath your CO’s scrutiny. it’s jarring, terrifying, really, but then john’s drooping onto you, his head tipping down to nuzzle close to your jaw, and this level of intimacy is what rips a moan out of you. it is drawn out and high-pitched, and so, so utterly debauched.

you hear more than see john’s pleased laugh, his breaths coming out in puffs that brush against your neck in a ticklish manner. the moment drags on—nuzzles and quiet huffs, and slow rocks of his hips almost like he’s taking his time to savour you; to allow you to get used to his size because he’s so different from johnny.

johnny is thick, but john is long. he is reaching deeper than you have ever known, and it’s so overwhelming that you begin to cling to him, in need of any way to ground yourself down from the slow-racing pleasure.

you don’t know how long he’s got you like that, but then he’s pulling back and away, and, “nonono, please. please, sir—”

“shh, i’ve got you,” he rumbles, still so utterly quiet that it forces out the tears faster, and you know something’s changed because john is looking at you with a proud smile, all tactile as he manhandles you to your side, before disappearing behind you. you feel your head being lifted then dropped onto something harder than your pillow, and it is only the smell of ozone that lets you know that john had pillowed your head with his arm, while the other snakes around your waist to pull you closer to him.

you stare at the expanse of your room but everything looks like they’re appearing underneath a hazy filter, so you blink your eyes to clear them from that mist but it remains unchanged. you feel heavy, all of sudden, like you’re submerged in water, wading through the ripples. floating.

you try to look at the others but all you see are blurs of colours, and you know this should terrify you, you know something’s happening in your mind, but you feel so good. so happy. so you fold into yourself, accepting the haze with a keen because john’s fucking back into you.

it is still so utterly gentle, like love-making, and this makes you sob because the euphoria is dizzying and overwhelming. it is something you haven’t felt before—johnny fucks you like a man starved; john fucks you like he’s trying to meld himself into you. or you into him.

it is so drastically different, and you were made to navigate the changing tides. but you can’t, not when john—

“fuck!” you scream, thrashing in his hold, but john ignores your voice as his heavy hand falls on your cunt with consistent smacks.

you feel lightheaded, untethered, and this is what pushes you to the edge. your orgasm is cataclysmic. it’s like having the fabrics of your reality collide until you are a supernova, bright and burning and so, so, so ecstatic.

you don’t even know how you came down from that high, but when you wake up, john’s already pulled out and your thighs feel extra sticky. you sniffle, turning to accept the quick kiss he leaves on your cheek. he pulls away and you watch him sink back to the lone chair in your room, and only then do you realize he’s still in his uniform. still in the fatigues.

it makes you extra vulnerable somehow and you twist, trying to find anything to cover yourself with, but your shirt’s been thrown to the floor, far from your reach, and your blankets were kicked off the bed.

you grumble, shyness encroaching again now that there’s no one to monopolize your attention, but a movement from the corner of your eyes makes you jolt. you turn, forcing your eyes to focus, and you blink in surprise because you are sure that kyle wasn’t there before—close to your shelving that is stuffed with little knickknacks and souvenirs brought to you by the boys when they take on separate missions that don’t require your involvement.

the same shelving where you’ve plopped your charging vibrator on. the very same one that is being held up by kyle.

“kyle?” you ask, unable to say any more with how wrecked your voice has become. but the call echoes like a gunshot in the suddenly stifling room, and they all look at you as one. like it didn’t matter if kyle was the one holding the wand because they all knew what they want, and it is to see you be fucked with it.

excitement fills you up despite the throbbing exhaustion settling in your bones, and you wonder if they could scent it with the way the pressure in the room grows heavy, almost bladed—ice shards against still waters.

kyle moves towards you and your eyes track the wand, almost hypnotized by it, and watch as he drops it on the mattress to shuck off his clothes. it is only then do you turn to him, hungry in the way you devour how he moves, how he breathes, how he unbuckles his belt.

his trousers come first, then his shirt. kyle is a catastrophic wonder—seeing him naked like this makes your core throb, aching need stretching in the yawning of your stomach, because he is so beautiful, terrifyingly so.

he reaches for your waist and drags you so you’re laying on your back again, your legs sprawled out on either side of his hips. he looks down at you, his eyes crinkled in his smile. he looks so charming, boyish and youthful, and he makes you thrum with quiet desire because you feel safe even when you’re bare before him.

you feel particularly cherished, like you are the apple of his eye.

“you’ve been so good to us, love,” he murmurs, but in the silence of everyone, his voice bounces off the walls, seeping into where the others are, watching raptly once again.

you nod, not knowing what else to say. kyle chuckles, the sound trickling like quiet chimes, and you wonder if he’s doing this for you—talking to you in whispers to give your body time to come down from the tremors, or filling you up with something other than a cock because johnny had come in scathing, and john had pierced you with something consuming, and kyle—

kyle is trying to distract you.

you’ve forgotten about the toy, sitting there so innocently. it’s out of your reach, tucked preciously close to kyle’s left leg the way he treats all his smaller guns—never straying beyond his person, and hovering close. you’ve once asked him if it wasn’t more comforting to have it on him where he can feel its weight and kyle had looked at you with that soft smile like you’ve uttered something so delightful, before telling you, “there’s a certain pleasure in having it displayed.”

like a promise and an assurance—he will always be faster; the one who is more in control.

and today, kyle is treating the wand with the same vehemence.

you didn’t even know you were already shaking your head until kyle had cupped your cheek, quiet sounds of comfort rumbling from his chest.

“don’t worry,” he says, eyes blazing with a terrifying promise. “all good girls have to be rewarded.”

kyle doesn’t fuck you with his cock right away; instead, he’d bent over and took a nipple into his mouth. it makes you gasp, back arching at every wet suck. there is pleasure to derive, but it is so muted that you begin to settle back into your mattress, waiting, almost in bated breath because kyle has yet to reach for the wand.

you jolt when he finally uses his hands, stomach tensing in anticipation. but still, kyle doesn’t reach for it, and instead he swipes a finger to your slit. your pussy’s still so sensitive so it makes you buck, a sharp animalistic sound tearing from your throat, and kyle takes advantage of the sudden change in the pace.

he slips in two fingers in your cunt, curling to poke at your walls, before fucking them out—he lifts up and sucks your other nipple—and punching them back in. it’s a wet slide, each thwaps ring in your head, and you moan, clawing at kyle’s back because how could he make you feel good just like this?

it’s almost a laughable parallel—just an hour ago, you had been in the same position, with your legs parted open and two fingers fucking in, while your other hand flicks at your nipples because you had so desperately wanted any form of orgasm. god, it didn’t even need to feel ecstatic, just something that’d rip your aching need into quiet tides. and now here you are, spread open with kyle mirroring every flick of his fingers and every pinching sensation on your nipples, and he is making you feel good.

how dare he. how dare he give you unadulterated pleasure with just his fingers? how could you ever go back to masturbating now that he’s even triumphed over your previous failures, showing your body that there are ways to make your toes curl without a cock nor a toy?

how dare he—

“no!” you whine, circling your hand around his wrist when he pulls out. you were so close; its tendrils spreading all over your body in the wake of your encroaching orgasm. you thought you were going to be rewarded? kyle promised. he said so!

“oh, love,” kyle coos, breaking through the swirling turmoil in your head. “i’m not done yet, i promise.”

you have to bite your bottom lip to stop the sob that is lodged in your throat as you watch kyle give his cock a pump before lining it up with your cunt. unlike johnny and john—and the reminder that they’re there, with simon, makes you jolt for a quick second—kyle doesn’t press in slow nor gentle.

no.

kyle punches everything in. you scream, the sound guttural as you are filled so quickly and so deeply, leaving you to feel the sudden crescendo of your pleasure. your body spasmed—because there was nothing else that could explain the sensation of having all your synapses sing with a ripping pleasure—before you black out for a second.

you come to the feeling of kyle’s hand mapping your belly, digging just enough that his fingers dimple your skin. you are still stretched and stuffed, and the remnants of your pleasure fire up again.

he flicks his eyes up to you with a smile. “came so soon f’r me, love.”

your only response is a gurgle. it makes kyle laugh.

“that must mean y’r ready for something else, yeah?”

a confused whimper bubbles from your throat. kyle just snaps his hips in reply, rendering your mind shut again. you hear him shuffling against the sheets, his free hand reaching for something you cannot see, and you feel your mind pressing at its edges, trying to retrieve the memory of what it is he is looking for because you know what it is, you’re sure.

buzzing noises fill your ears, the sound ricocheting around the space, and your body locks, recollection slamming into you. you tear your gaze away from the far wall to look at kyle.

you wonder what your face must’ve looked like because kyle begins to croon.

“i’ve seen this from a homemade porn video.” he shrugs at the incredulous expression on your face. “and i’ve always wanted to try it because sweetheart, they didn’t press it on her clit.”

what—

kyle moves, his body rippling with ease. you don’t notice but the boys crowd in, interest bright in their eyes. only ghost continues to be rooted in his spot, and it is only his head tipping to the side that lets the others know he’s just as interested.

kyle presses the toy on your belly. your nose scrunches in displeasure because it just feels like you’re being massaged incorrectly, but he keeps shifting, hunting, and it’s weird because kyle’s still in you so what—

you gasp, eyes widening at the odd sensation. kyle freezes, his body curling into something predatory, and digs your wand there on your—

“no way,” johnny laughs, and you want to snarl at him to go away but you can’t because he’s right.

no way.

kyle had pressed the vibrating bulb of your toy just below your belly and slightly before your upper pelvic area—kyle had pressed the toy on your womb.

the pleasure is new, uncharted, and it is petrifying because you’ve never felt this way before. you didn’t even know it was possible to stimulate yourself there, but kyle’s already resuming the pace he’d set, fucking his cock in deeply almost like he wants to feel the buzz from within.

you begin to sob but the tears feel different this time. they’re still out of pleasure, but the swirling surprise melts the euphoria into something frightening. you don’t even realize you’ve begun to babble.

“no more!” you hiccup, weak fists thumping against kyle’s chest only to be restrained by john and johnny, each man pushing them down with their own hands.

everything feels too scary, all of a sudden. this pleasure of yours is bigger than you have ever expected and it’s building up too fast and too soon, and still, kyle remains unfazed.

“i’m scared! i’m scared, kyle please!”

your words turn into unintelligible warbles, and kyle just says how you are so adorable like this.

“y’r pussy’s going stir crazy, baby,” he croons amidst your tears and you want to scream at him, to be mad and say something mean, but you feel so utterly lost in the bubbling bliss.

it is something you’ve never felt before; it’s almost like you are relearning your body at this very moment—like kyle is unmaking you, and remodelling you, and you feel this cathartic bloating of your orgasm.

kyle sees the moment you succumbed to the enveloping terror of your euphoria, and it’s like he’s been waiting for this moment because he begins to fuck you faster. deeper. his pelvis meets the plush of your ass with every thrust, while he digs the toy further down your flesh.

how could the vibrations ripple past the fat, you don’t know, but your orgasm is building, peaking—

it breaks with another scream tearing from your lungs. this one is much stronger than the previous ones, and enveloping because it feels like your whole body has shut down in the wake of your release.

your mind splinters, your body falling limp like your strings have been cut loose, and kyle turns forgiving again because he shuts the toy down and throws it away. he pulls out and only then do you feel the trickle of his cum sliding out of you.

he leans in, brushing his nose over your cheek. then, “just one more, little bird.”

kyle slides off the bed, but so do john and johnny, and you hiccup, still sobbing, still floating from the world-shattering climax, when simon greets you.

he is quiet for a while, watching as you catch your breath. you couldn’t even stop yourself from sniffling, tears pooling in the corners of your eyes to stain your already blotchy cheeks. he grunts, hand falling to brush unimaginably soft touches across your body, observing.

waiting.

“was’it?” you finally bite out because you know simon—you know ghost—and there is something that’s sitting on the tip of his tongue that he so desperately wants to spit out.

simon grumbles, rolling his eyes.

you groan, growing impatient. “tell m’.”

but he still doesn’t talk, choosing instead to manhandle your body until it is close to him. you want to tell him to give you a minute; that you’re still so sore and tired, and kyle just fucked you mindless that you need a goddamn break, so, “s’mon, no…”

he grunts, palming along your waist, then your hips, before it stops on the fat of your ass. he grabs a handful.

“won’t you let me fuck this hole instead,” simon finally replies.

your heart lurches to your throat, and you’re not the only one surprised because johnny’s bounding in close, excited, chatting simon’s ear how he wants to go next, “please, LT?”

you want to tell him to ask you, not simon, but simon’s already giving his assent with a huff, chirping how johnny’s so impatient—a master and his dog—before they turn to you again.

it is only then do you realize that simon hadn’t been asking for proper permission; it was all formalities because he was not going to settle for anything that isn’t yes.

anal sex hasn’t been something you are really interested in; no amount of porn and online anecdotes can change your mind, but simon’s gaze is heavy. it’s final.

before you can even reply, john’s already throwing something to simon. he catches it with ease, and only when simon flicks his hand do you recognize it to be the lube you’ve chucked away in your anger when this whole night started. kyle returns with the wand.

you lay there, on simon’s lap, seeing them flanking you for this… corrupting.

“okay,” you muster, trying to stake even a semblance of control.

thankfully, they ignore the shaking of your fists or the way your chest begins to heave in your morbid anticipation. simon laughs, and swoops down to nip your cheek.

“good girl.”

whew whyd it become a long ramble of smut??? it was supposed to be a john n johnny centric fucking bc of the prelude but alas, i needed to write a semblance of dark!kyle so here we are <3

temp taglist bc yall are animals (affectionate)!!!: @getosuguswhore @slut-lmao @mxtokko @imjusthereforkonig @bratzdolly4 @mabelwinters @stars4sar @sergeant-jasper @spiceywawa @j0r-d1e

[b-lossm]

•*+Jonny+*•

Cait x reader [Anget->fluff]

Synopsis: She always said you where above the girls she snuck into her room, then why wont she put a label on the two of you?

ooc Cait i think but like I didnt know how to finish this

"God I'm loosing my mind" you mumble to yourself as you prime a canvas, for a date night that might not even happen. 'what's the point' you think while putting your stuff away, you planned a nice date night for you and Cait, but now your just questioning if she even loves you like you assume she does, I mean- actions do speak louder then words.. right?

When Caitlyn eventually arrives, coming in through your window because due to her status, nobody really knows about your 'relationship'- well your dog knows but he doesnt count.

"Hey Princess" she hugs and kisses you softly, hiding something behind her back "Hey Cait.." you say awkwardly, mind still dwelling on how she might not love you "Oh Princess? what's wrong?" she places your surprise down on your bed and hugs you comfortingly. Your lip starts to quiver "I-- I feel like m' crazy because" you hesitate, she rubs your back and traces shapes into your side "hey you can tell me anything you know me.." Cait leads you to her bed and continues to comfort you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear "Caitlyn do you really love me?" you whisper, nervous--obviously her breath hitches “P—please let me figure it out” you tear up and she lays with you on your bed “Princess why would you ask me that? Of course I love you” you look away from her “Then why don't I feel it?” she struggles to answer you "y/n you know its hard for m--" "yeah well its hard for me too Cait! You have to tell her!" you argue before she can even start on her spiel again "Caitlyn she probably will disapprove but she'd put up with it! She literally has all this time! She's walked in on us cuddling so many times Cait! It is so painfully obvious that you like girls! or at least me.." you quiet down after a little bit, breathing heavily out of frustration and sadness.

Cait stays silent, she knows your right, she knows that her mother will.. reluctantly love her still, but she just doesn't understand why she cant just tell her mom outright, she always just thought that her parents would get the hint and not bother her about it but she was scared, she knew they didn't care as long as she carried out the Kiramman bloodline but she was scared that they would force her to leave you--force you out of her life. She sighs "I know I do okay? Just because I haven't doesn't mean I don't love you--" "you love me..?" she sees even more tears welling up in your eyes moving to wipe them before they can even fall "why would I not?" you feel gentle kisses being pressed all over your face, as well as Cait mumbling 'perfect' over and over again

with a huff you pull away "Cait, who was it that said a white wall may seem empty" you take a breath and Cait plays with your hair "But its ready to be filler, and in its readiness needs nothing, it stands complete" you finish "hm.. whoever it was is right, just because something seems empty doesn't mean its not complete" you giggle at her cluelessness "It was you Cait.. you told me that strange poem but it makes me wonder, if your ready, ready to be happy with me" you look into her eyes, her pupils dilated as she stares back with love "I'm ready Princess,..." without hesitation you push your soft lips against hers, your strawberry chap stick mixing with her vanilla "tomorrow, I promise I'll do it tomorrow" she says a bit breathlessly as she lets go of the kiss "Pinky promise" you childishly stick your pinky finger to her and she intertwines the two and locks it in with your thumbs touching, she then kisses your hand "Pinky promise"

--

The very next day, Cait fulfilled her promise and snuck you into her house, she wanted you to officially meet her parents, as her girlfriend :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guys i miss arcane :(

but omg the caitvi sesbian lex was so goooddd, expect 18+ hcs coming soon, theyre probably gonna come out before the change series ends tbh sorrry :(((

🐮 👦🏾soon.......

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

Entanglement (1/2)

PAIRING: Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x Medic F!Reader 

A/N: my little contribution to the 141 challenge by the amazing @glitterypirateduck || but I was very tipsy when I wrote this and am very tipsy as I post it sO IT DOESNT COUNT DO NOT PERCEIVE ME || I WILL SOBER WRITE A PART 2 PROMISE

Prompts used: Military Base, Dude in Distress, Take care of each other (helping w/bath, stitches, haircut, sickness, etc.),  “Who did this to you?”

Part 1 || Part 2 || 

____

The base is quiet this time of year—it’s nice.  The quiet is obviously preferable to the chaos, and sometimes you like just sitting with your thoughts in your cozy little nook on base.   There are a handful of people around, all of whom you liked, one of whom you really liked, but you’d bite your tongue off before you ever said that out loud.  Especially to him.  

And it’s like you’ve summoned him by just the power of your thoughts, because he walks into your little office with his hand clenched tight over his bleeding arm (that you had just sutured) and a large smile on his face.  His eyes dart around quickly and then come back to yours happily, grin widening from noting that you were the only one in the infirmary at that moment.  

“You’re a fucking idiot.”  You use your chin to point  at the leaking bandage over his arm, and start to gather your supplies.   

But Soap’s never been one to dwell. “Yeah,” he agrees, easily. “Go’ me here though, didn’ it, bonnie?”

“What happened?  Who did this to you?” 

He leans closer and whispers, conspiratorially.  “Very bad men, bonnie. But ah’ll keep them away from you, promise.”

You shake your head and turn away, having to pretend to grab something from behind you so that your charming, gorgeous hunk of a patient doesn’t see your shy smile.  “You’re bleeding out again, MacTavish.  I need to fix this.  Again.”

“Oh, bonnie, y’er the only who can,” he sighs, dramatically, and.  It’s stupid.  It’s such a stupid fucking line but  you still want to find somewhere to hide, your smile finally spilling out into your cheeks.

MacTavish is a shameless flirt.  Everyone knows this, it’s a very ill-kept secret, not that Johnny would want it to be a secret at all.  It comes naturally to him—stupid words spew out of him and suddenly, you want to cover your heated cheeks with your palms and look anywhere but into his bright blue eyes.    

He waits for you to look back at him, and you have to roll your eyes at the giddy grin he wears on his face.  

“Alright then, sergeant, let’s see the damage, shall we?”

“Oh the damage is far too deep t’fix, luv,” he says, but grins and extends his arm for you to look at anyway.

The sight of his blood-covered arm makes you wince in sympathy, and you start to slowly unwrap the gauze and tape around his arm before you clean his wound.   The wound on his arm looks angry and almost pulses in front of your eyes, and he winces and groans as you begin to suture.   You shush him quietly everytime, and try to concentrate—really, you do—but you can feel his eyes on your face.

When you look back up at him, he doesn’t even do you the courtesy of looking away.  No, the man makes eye contact with you, eyes shining.  

It takes you some effort to rearrange your features into the look of mild tiredness that you wear around him often. “Can I help you, MacTavish?”

“‘Fraid I’m beyond y’help, bonnie,” he grins, cocky and sure, and so fucking handsome.  “Though…y’could go out wi’me.  Might make me hurt less.”

“God,” you say, rolling your eyes.  “You know that I can’t.”  His pout makes you laugh, and you stand up to go wash your hands.  Before you get too far away from him, though, you feel warm fingers wrap around your wrist and squeeze gently. 

“MacTavish,” you whisper.  “We can’t.”  The words are insistent, and you put what feels like considerable effort into sounding like you mean them, but your attention is caught by the slow, almost hypnotic motion of his ridiculously pink tongue wetting his lips.  When your eyes finally meet his, you already know what he’s going to say.        

“You could, though, bonnie.  Y’could go out wi’me.”

“Johnny…”  

“Could make it worth y’while,” he whispers, suggestively, and this time it’s his eyes that linger on your lips before they come back up to meet yours.  “Keep the bad men away from ya, if you'd like”  His words are flirty and unserious, as usual, but God, does he manage to look earnest as he says them. 

"All of them?" you wonder out loud.

His eyes shine as you play along. He considers your words for a moment. "No. Not all of 'em."

“We could be caught,” you counter.  “Won’t your Captain have your head for it?”

“‘N I'd happily go out for you, sweet girl.” 

You shake your head as you write him a prescription for the pain.  “You’re incorrigible. I’m not going to be reassigned because you’re horny, Sgt. MacTavish.”

“Horny,” he gasps in mock-horror. “Horny?  Ahm’ here out of m’mind in love, hen!  Horny, she says!”  He shakes his head and his smile dims a little, but only for a second, before his eyes light up, wickedly. “Consider it.  We’d make bonnie children, aye?”

You freeze because…what is there to even say to that. 

When he kisses your cheek and whistles cheerily on his way out, you do find yourself considering it.

[melkyt]

I don't think Luffy is very likely to say "I love you" not directly. He will announce proudly "You're my friend, you're my family, you're my 'insert connection here"

He wants people to know much what they have matters, as a child thats what he wanted, connection. So to him the things he built, the connections he chose are more important and worth more then what might be an empty word.

People in his life said they loved him but they still left him to be alone time and time again, Garp, Shanks... Ace, even if that couldnt be avoided. Not that Luffy lets himself dwell on how lonely he was before meeting his brothers and finding his crew, but the word does not mean the same to him.

Unlike Law, who pins a large part of his personality on that word. It is the last thing Cora said to him, he carries his love on his sleeve through acts of service, even if he doesnt say it outright, he wants to hear it.

And it bothers him more then a little that Luffy wont say it.

Sure Luffy initiates touch, and never flinches back when Law reaches out first, but he never says it. They are friends, they are allies, and perhaps that is all they are. Doesn't matter that they spend long nights curled together, watching the stars. Luffy always pulling Law into a hug, and keeping close any chance he gets.

Law in not so many words asks what they are, and Luffy doesn't answer, just smiles and says they are whatever Torao wants them to be. The one time he does not give a label to their relationship. That hurts Law more, just a little stabing sensation in his heart.

They are both pirate captains, after the one piece. They should be enemies. It would be easier if Law still thought that way.

He doesn't.

He wants more.

But how does someone who struggles in believe that they deserve love, ask for it?

He struggles to accept it when his crew says the same thing, and they have been saying it for over a decade, and his logical side knows its true. His ingrained trauma's say otherwise.

Luffy notices that Law is getting antsy, everytime he announces their connection to someone. Notices that Law starts getting distant and a little pouty. He is good at reading emotions, especially of people he cares about, so he starts bugging Law asking whats wrong. It takes a few days of non-stop Luffy pesteri g for Law to snap that he just want's to know if Luffy loves him!?

Luffy pouts "Yeah! You're my Torao!" Not even a connection, but it makes sense to Luffy.

Law shakes his head "You cant even say it!"

"Say what, why do i gotta say anything!?" Luffy reaching out to take his hands.

Law stepping back "We're done, this is too much"

"Nuh-uh!" Luffy closes the gap between them before Law can use his power to leave "i know what you want Torao" he bumps his forehead against Law's "i think you're cool, and smart and i dont want you to leave" Luffy takes a deep breath "Everytime I say the thing, people leave, okay, so yeah i know what you want me to say, but i would rather you were safe!"

Law swallows. He understand that feeling, the feeling of being cursed and your actions cause others to leave. He lets Luffy pull him closer. "Then you do?"

"Yeah Torao, i do" Luffy hugs him tighter "And I always will, okay?"

[crushedsweets]

I would like to ask if the creepypastas know what happened to each other? Like do Tim and Brian know what happened in Toby’s and Kate’s childhood/past? And if they do know how did they find out?

some do!! this kinda half-assed answers your question cuz i included all 16, so its kinda difficult to cover everyone neatly!

for kate... i dont think anyone but toby and MAYBE clocky/nina would know what happened to her. she doesnt want to talk about it at all, and toby would only find out by connecting the dots of random stuff shes said.

i think toby is pretty open about what happened to him. he'd be very quick to make jokes or casually be like "yea i got the shit bullied out of me". so people are familiar, HOWEVER i dont think a lot of them really understand how bad it was for him bc hes so casual with it. i think tim and brian probably caught toby losing him mind, having nightmares, screaming and he'd be like "you dont get it you dont fucking know the shit that happened to me" etc etc. with clocky or kate or EJ, he'd be SLIGHTLY more vulnerable. tell them about lyra and connie, but he's just uncomfortable with that stuff

tim wouldnt really want to talk about his childhood or everything he lost either. i think he'd only bring it up with toby in the event that toby needed comfort, or something to ground/relate to (i.e hospital visits, schizophrenia, loss) OR if someone implies tim has it better than them. then he's like WHAT the fuck do you think you know about me. otherwise he rather not.

brian is pretty similar. he just doesnt wanna talk about it. brushes things off pretty easily, tries to joke about it, or he says something like "it sucked but im here now. gotta keep pushing, why dwell". . .

clockwork keeps that shit to her chest. the most she'd bring up is like "yea i grew up poor, dad was a nutcase, i dont wanna talk about my brother" or implying other people have it easier than she did (which is true 90% of the time. she had it rough). i think only toby and nina would get a better idea of what really happened to her, but she just doesnt like to think about it. itd be a similar case where they catch her having a panic attack or nightmare and she chokes something out .

nina spills everything she doesnt really care. she likes to talk and share and spill her guts, so everyone is pretty familiar with all her ex boyfriends, workaholic parents, getting bullied, whatever. shes a bit more hesitant to bring up certain things that SHE'S done (cheating, cyberstalking, self harm, etc) but she'll happily share times she was a victim to others

EJ would share about his family very freely, and i think if someone asked, he'd tell them about jenny. so i guess it just depends on who cares to ask ? toby, clocky, maybe tim/brian would. jeff and ben might ask like "hey why are you ugly now" and he would not tell them . cuz he needs whoever he tells to ask genuinely and treat it seriously

similar to nina, jeff just yaps and yaps and goes off about how hard he had it (completely warping the story and lying half the time). so he'll just bring it up to brag or compare or compete or prove a point, but its never done very.. vulnerably?

ben doesnt talk about any of it. most of the group knows, because his case (yk, 13 yr old boy kidnapped and murdered amongst several other young teens..) got really big and everyone kinda talked about it without him. he doesnt want pity or to think about it. he'd only bring it up with sally, i think, cuz he feels a bit more seen by her

sally would only tell jane and clocky. i genuinely cant see a reason she'd ever bring it up to anyone else, and those two are the only ones she'd trust (and mary but marys not that big in my au)

jane tells people pretty openly, because she was a victim of jeffs stalking. she tries to make her story more...inspirational? because after all her pain and loss, she still went to law school and all of that. or if someone tries to diminish her pain, she'd be like 'watch your mouth.' i think she'd tell nina and liu. for nina, it'd be like "you dont even care do you? you still love that man after everything? how can you look me in the eye, knowing all he's done, and tell me you idolize him?" and for liu it would be more about like. closure maybe? part of her resents liu even though it was NOT his fault whatsoever and he's also a victim, but shes mature enough to try and navigate the trauma WITH him despire her pain

for liu its kinda similar, but nothing is inspirational. he would tell people because for him, its how he connects to people. connecting on trauma, even if its not the healthiest way. . . if someone asks, he tells them. its kinda sad the way he talks about jeff though. 'i just miss pushing my little brother on the swing'

dina screams and screams at everyone about "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IVE LOST" because she was held in such a idolized position in her cult. she hates lazari and she blames everyone else because she thinks they have something to do with the devil(zalgo) and thats why god doesnt want her anymore.

lazari would cry to EJ about her nightmares of her mom, but i dont think she'd talk about it with others. it just makes her sad. maybe she'd tell jeff cuz he'd be asking and then He'd belike oh. jeez. ok. LOL. that sucks.

lulu doesnt really remember what happens to her, but everyone has an idea. she mumbles about hazing, how cold the water is, how she doesnt wanna drink again, how the sorority girls are so mean, she just wants to go back to her dorm, whatever. but its just because shes so lost in her mind

ann is more like ... sassy . brags about her redroom business and whatnot, complains about the man who killed her, gets all sultry about kate saving her from her big bad killer, whatever. but she doesnt talk about her family or how she was a femcel neet.

[littleeyesofpallas]

today i'm just wrangling all my weird loose ends and crackpot theories. Stuff that doesn't actually have enough evidence to support it, or that I just personally headcanon or that just doesnt go anywhere or come back again often enough to really derive any meaning or implications from. stuff i can't really justify making individual posts on, so im making a post about how unpostable they are collectively

warning: long, also warning: nonsense

So we know Bleach operates on a loose variation of the Buddhist samsara/rinne, the wheel of reincarnation, in which souls cycle through many lives in different forms, experiences hardships in life and the pain of loss and death continuously until/unless they can achieve enlightenment, as the first Buddha did, and in doing so escape the cycle of death and rebirth, ascending to a higher state of being in which life and death no longer apply. In traditional art of Buddhist cosmology this is represented by the Buddha being present off to one corner, literally physically outside the elaborate illustration of the wheel and its many facets(itself encompassed by the demon mara). This Buddha role is the figure the Spirit King occupies in the hierarchy of the Bleach cosmology, but there are a few little orbital details that are clearly related to that role, but as I stated in the preface to all this, never really go anywhere....

So there's this thing in Hinduism and by some association Buddhism (although it plays more into Hinduism's actual faith in the mythology of their gods, where as a lot of Buddhism may still invoke the divine but ultimately is about undermining and escaping the authority of said cosmological structure) called the Hiranygagarbha[हिरण्यगर्भः] "The Golden Womb"/"Golden Egg," or "Universal Womb"/"Primeval Womb," and is associated with various gods described as Svayambhu[स्वयम्भू] "Self Born," many of which are some variation on a/the creation god --effectively it's just the explanation that while everything comes from something, the original something had to have come from nothing, or else there's just an infinite number of questions that theologians would be forced to come up with infinite answers for.

But it posits that while something may have come from nothing, that something still had to follow certain understood notions of cause and effect, like incubation and birth. Ergo the creator god didn't just blink into existence fully formed, he was "born" from the nothing and as the first and initially only thing to exist he birthed himself. In these myths he is frequently described as initially existing either "beyond" or without senses --obviously the without senses bit mirror's YHWACH's origin, but to exist not without a capacity to see, hear, feel, etc... but in a place or state in which those senses cannot perceive also echo's Aizen's rambling about power levels as he rapidly ascends toward godhood before being beaten surpassed by Ichigo.

But beyond creation myths the Golden Egg is evoked in some elements of meditation in which each person, in their innate capacity for enlightenment and this divinity, has within them their own egg, and to retreat into that egg and explore the potential to self actualized as a mental act of birthing an ideal self, has overt parallels with Bleach's use of an inner world in which the zanpakutou spirit, a reflection of the self and of a potential for power, dwells.

Incidentally the egg also facilitates the creation of the world itself, one half of the discarded shell from the god's birth becoming the realm of the material and the other half becoming the realm of the celestial, and as per some rants I've been on before, between it and some questions about how zanpakutou really work, it reminds me very distinctly of a few other anime/manga where a god spirit's aura or range of influence, for which a lesser spirit's would normally sustain a single person, encompasses a domain in which the totality of other people's existences reside.

In addition the egg itself, a concept called Purusha that is at times a god and at times a concept, is in some myth the creator god in question in relation to the Golden Egg, born from said egg, and then thru their dismemberment by other gods, the world is molded. So obviously some pretty overt, if superficial similarities with the Spirit Kings lack of limbs and, yeah sure if we want to acknowledge it, the LN's feeble additions to lore.

But as a concept it represents self-awareness in the idea that there is a kind of Platonic ideal of the perfect awareness of everything that is in its definitive and empirical state that has become unknowable by the division of that primordial self-awareness, but which exists in fragments in all living things.

The quartering of the body is also the basis of the 4 castes in traditional Indian society; although that dismemberment is not specific to two legs and two arms like the Spirit King's.

But speaking of the spirit king's body parts, there's a neat thing going on with the design of his eyes that got weirdly ditched... In his original appearance the 4 solid black pupils were shown in top-bottom, and left-right orientation, but once he showed up again later, Kubo switched to a 4 corners sort of thing instead. At the time there was no Allmighty reveal and thus no established power of all-seeing yet, but in the eventual context of The Almighty and it manifesting in YWHACH's increased pupil count from 1 to 2 to 3, it becomes apparent that should he reach full potential he would have the same eyes as the Spirit King.

But then what capacity for all-seeing powers has the Spirit King really shown? Well, not a lot in practice, although YHWACH addresses the Spirit King as one who had at one point seen the future. But notably the original design, which had been scrapped and pushed entirely out of mind by the time any of these new contextual details were actually being written in, actually does seem to imply some faculty of all-sight in the Spirit King: The Gotei 13. Their insignia frame, which we typically see with a captain's associated squad number, is shown during an explanation of the Shihouin's Onmitsukidou, is its own symbol even without any numbers. And the insignia appears to be a stylized depiction of the Spirit King's all-seeing eye. Is the insignia itself some kind of magic sigil or artifact, or simply symbolic of a role the Gotei plays? Who can say.

Let's circle back to the Golden Egg though, because the anime changed its color to blue, almost matching the color and style of the generic Quincy spirit bows/arrows. But I personally always instinctively assumed it was a kind of golden hue; something the digital colorist clearly thought as well, which was gratifying. But I also assumed the coloration was something that matched a number of other things, and with very distinct meaning: Orihime's shields, Hacchi's barriers, and the Menos Grande's Negación beams. Before the Spirit King's crystal was even an issue to deal with, there was already a very conspicuous link,

Orihime and Hacchi have the same powers of Event Rejection

Hacchi's Rejection barriers stem from his Visored powers

Hacchi's barriers thus appear to be a more refined Negación

Orihime's powers are said to tread on the authority of God

With those implications in place, it seemed evident that part of the reason for the Spirit King's inertness and imprisonment in the stasis crystal was that thru some divine power, be it his own or someone else's, the crystal exists to reject events happen around/to him to preserve him in a particular state. And since we know it didn't seem to protect him from bodily harm, there would implicitly be a more important and perhaps abstract thing in mind being actively undone.

This in turn would have provided an adequate excuse for Orihime being unable to reject the crystal being broken, and the Spirit King's injuries within it, because as we learned from Hacchi; she has to understand what she's rejecting, and those powers are most potent when aimed at the abstract(an event) and not an object(an injury). For her to reject a rejection would mean understanding the nested abstract events taking place, which frankly no one was ever brought up to speed on, whether we're talking my theories here or the actual canon of the manga.

This I would have found much more acceptable than Kubo falling back on "Important character too strong, implicit functions of established powers don't work on him." Which is a bad habit Kubo has just in general; he never actually thinks out the implications of how world building on the plot he's writing, he just muscles thru it by making up new excuses, rather than going back into what he's already established to find interesting ways for preexisting abilities or factoids to interact. He very consistently fails to "yes, and..." himself.

Anyway... There's also a little followup on my persistent rambling about the nature of hollows and of the elusive Vastolorde. Until the revival one-shot just a few years ago, it was easy to forget about Hell in Bleach considering it never really came into play. But there was one interesting point made that hollows who have sinned in life go the hell, while the others are purified. Most hollows implicitly are just spirits of the dead overcome by powerful emotions, but their monstrous qualities aren't considered a sin, they're an animal-like instinct.

And this is addressed, if only barely, by Zommari's indignant rant against the moral authority of the Shinigami; that the natural way if things is to let hollows exist, but the shinigami invented the morality and ethics of "protecting" humans from hollows, and "purifying" hollows with zanpakutou. And we know from the example of someone like Nel that the Arrancar process returns a kind of human intelligence and morality to a Hollow, even across the process of individual spirits becoming hollows, amassing into colony minded Gillians, and then reemerging unique personalities as Adjuchas.

I still maintain the real/sensible trajectory of the Nel plot should have been that she was a Vastolorde, that Nnoitra was sent to hunt Vastolorde, but threatened by her and infuriated by her power tempered with human morality, was beat and spared but took a cheap shot to break her mask, effectively forcing her into being a mock-arrancar, like Isshin and Urahara discussed, and so Nnoitra reported back negative results on the hunt to guard his own position in the Espada. But in the face of being unable to find enough surviving Vastolorde, Aizen's plan would be to take existing mock-arrancar and have Orihime reject the event of their mask removal, so that he can remove it via the Hougyoku.

In this way I think Nel could have had her generic hot-girl-ification in a more sensible and satisfying way than magic cloud of smoke de-baby-fication. I think it also would have made for a cool reveal for Orihime's uniquely abstract event rejection --as opposed to time reversal-- to mean that although the process of her transformation would be undone, her experiences post break would not, thus she'd still remember Ichigo and be able to turn on Aizen and join the good guys accordingly.

Anyway, even without all that, Nel and her goofballs, and to a lesser extent Starrk and even Ulquiorra, and sort of Harribel, all prove that the Arrancar are capable of a pretty normal moral spectrum and aren't in fact just evil or monsters all the way down. In fact, it was always kind of present since Sora's chapter way back in the beginning. In fact, Sora was the first Hollow to be drawn with the now iconic double mouth, the prior two were just monsters. Sora however showed his human mouth behind the mask, and that was a feature that would carry forward from there. In fact, at the end of chapter 25 there is also the original arrancar hook, where we see Aisslinger perform surgery on GrandFisher. But while the main event is the removal of the mask, there's also the bodily surgery taking place that suggests that what would later be identified as the mock-arrancar process involves digging the humanoid back out from under not only the mask but the hollow's inhuman, bestial body as well.

This is in turn echoed when we see Wonderweiss born as an arrancar in a much cleaner process, but one not dissimilar to Grandfisher's; his wrapped hollow form, while generally humanoid --and thus implicitly a Vastolorde-- also clearly includes some large protrusions that are stripped away along with the majority of his mask. And as Uryuu relates from Urahara's briefings, the more human form also means more human intelligence. Along with the apparent moral fiber of the matter it really seems like when a hollow gets more human, it gets more human in almost all respects. (ignore that harribel bit in the image there, we'll come back to it...)

So what happens when they get the most human?

I've also gone over my whole thing before that the Nelgal Ruins seemed like the natural evolution of the architecture of the menos grande, lending yet another level of humanity to the hollows: society. More over, my crackpot headcanon that in the human development of the Vastolorde they discovered religion, and comprised the first cult of YHWCH.

Of note in this random line of thought is that fact that Lille Barro is considered to be the first Sternritter given a schrift. It's not clear if that means that the sternritter we know are considered contemporaries (even ignoring the confusing timeline of Juugram and Bazz-B's whole flashback) and among them Lille is the first among them, or if there have been prior generations of sternritter and Lille is as survivor of some batch of sternritter long predating the current recruiting push.

But there is the question of if Lille is an arrancar or not. He somewhat conspicuously speaks Spanish, although the Sternritter do have a loosely international shtick going on in their roster. But he also has a lot of design notes in common with Starrk, although it's super unclear if that's applicable to in world logic, or just a pattern in Kubo's art. The biggest hiccup in this would perhaps be that he has no signs of a mask fragment, but then the same went for Luders Friegen. Notably Asguiro Ebern still had a mask and Luders made a point to speak down to him. While we never got any clarification on that, I think it seemed like the superiority complex came from being less arrancar-like. And I wonder if there wasn't a process by which the Wandenreich were removing mask fragments in their entirety, resulting in a kind of forced and imperfect humanization process, but from which highly humanoid and thus Quincy-fiable arrancar could be produced.

And while the shot of Harribel was obviously just fanservicey battle damage, I like to think that the plan was to convert her, and that she was in the process of having her bone armor components stripped off, not unlike the process Grandfisher and Wonderweiss underwent: it resembles Wonderweiss' in posture, but Grandfisher's in bloody tortuous overtone.

Primitive Arrancar, without the ability to gain shinigami-like powers via the hougyoku, stripped of their masks might theoretically regain human intelligence, but would lose their masks and sense of self with no way of storing it in a sword let alone being able to retrieve it. What better subjects to manipulate with the promise of a discovery of self and of identity; drink of YWHACH's blood and receive the sense of self you lack. Something to fill that hole in your heart.

Then there's the thing I mentioned earlier about how there's some interesting implications about what it means to throw a bunch of spirits together into one superdense thing. And it turns out a lot of them seem to be pretty similar...

You throw shinigami souls together to make white, who is himself like an asauchi.

You throw i guess also shinigami(?) "something similar" together to get asauchi according to Oh-etsu

You throw powerful human spirits together and get the King's Key.

You throw hollows together and get a menosgrande

and if we care to dip a toe into the LN (which normally I would hesitate to do) we have at least one other zanpakutou, besides White, explicitly crafted from a menosgrande

and when the miracle baby reclaims quincy spirit power you get YWHACH

My supposition then is that the reason Vastolorde were so rare, and explicitly in hiding from Aizen, was that in the first place hunting menos is how the asauchi are created. The very first time we see a Gillian, Rukia even comments that it's the Royal Guard's job to take care of them, not regular shinigami. As the power scale of the series naturally escalates that begins to feel silly, but what if that's not because only the Royal Guard can defeat them, but because the Royal Guard and Oh-etsu in particular are uniquely suited to hunt/harvest them so they can be turned into new asauchi.

And in a way, if the Spirit King is indeed locked in a meditative state in his golden egg, if indeed the god sleeps in the egg, and the egg is the center of the world, and the world is the egg. If the world itself is the Spirit King's inner world, his bankai manifesting the internal as reality, then what is YHWACH if not the Spirit King's sword spirit? In the same way YHWACH is already a part of zangetsu within Ichigo. A reflection of the self, however dark, convinced that godhood is not in the Spirit King's best interest and determined to tear him from that throne? Is that not exactly what the fused Zangetsu tried to do in stopping Ichigo from learning the final getsuga and fighting Aizen? What is YHWACH's war on soul society but the struggle between two mirrored entities over who gets to stand at the top and who has to crawl around in the shadows?

What is the difference between a king and his horse?

[the-s1lly-corner]

the spot w a partner who likes to give praise (sfw)??? thanks babes /p

S/o giving Spot compliments

I am!! On a roll with these Jonathan/spot posts!!!!

Bit rushed <\\3 apologies for that and admittedly a fair chunk of this post is admin dwelling on spots insecurities <\3

Same song same dance; spot is incredibly insecure about his new body and so obvious in the way he carries himself and talks

Every now and then youll catch him studying himself in the mirror; and while he doesnt.. have a face, you can just tell hes thinking badly of himself

Other times you might catch him muttering sharp words

Given everything, some support and praise is the thing he needs most to build himself back up

Before I get into the meat of this post, I wanna drop an idea that just came to me

I like to think sometimes Spot subtly tries to drop hints that he wants you to tell him hes doing a good job, or that he looks nice. Like doing a task and making a whole deal of it; or trying on new outfits/disguises and trying to ask for your thoughts

Hes too embarrassed to say it straight up that he needs to hear some kind words, you know?

Anyways

He thinks about every single nice word you've said to him, almost constantly

"I am a good villain," "I'm not a freak," "I'm pretty," ect ect, he mumbles and repeats the words you've said on bad days, when you're not around to remind him

No because imagine after a particularly hard day; perhaps the realization that he'll never go back to being normal sets in again (like it's a constant thing but some days it feels.. worse) and you two are just

Sitting together, which turns into you holding him and reassuring him that you love him and :(

Okay onto lighter stuff

He probably still tinkers around and makes stuff around the house, so if you bring it up and say how cool or interesting it is he'll be GLOWING

Hold his hand and study it, say they look nice; he'll be over the moon

Or better yet, cup his face and tell him he's handsome, he'll practically be ascending

He wants to return the favor, you make him feel so good

Really just a positivity loop and a safe space

It really makes me wonder how different spot would be if he just. Had *someone*

Like he'd likely still be seeking revenge on Miles, no doubt about that, but

You know?

[gibbearish]

wanted to throw my hat into the ring specifically in regards to james responding to the bigotry claims bc i havent seen anyone address the aspects i wanna talk abt in full yet, it kinda got long as fuck for a p short excerpt so putting it under a readmore

so here's the section (text from @storagebay29 's v helpful transcript):

"I never ever intended to hurt anybody. I never thought that that's what I was doing. Before I went- before I went to the hospital,¹ I read a lot of stuff from people who were really hurt, not just authors and stuff but people who watched my videos who were hurt by stuff in them. People think that I hate ace people and women and bisexual people and lesbians and that's not true. It's really- it's just- it’s not true. And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos² that just shouldn’t have been there: misinformation and lies... But I promise you I did not write that stuff.³

I should have been a lot more exacting when Nick and I would be editing scripts but I promise you that those are not- I don't think those things.⁴ I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel⁵ that I just completed delegitimised you. Nick being ace, I- I know that it's kinda like you know, no two gay people are exactly the same, no two ace people are exactly the same, but I kind of, when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement⁶ and his observations and stuff like that. And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus,⁷ which a bunch of people are saying that I was setting him up as doing, which is not true…"

so! let's break this down

¹ "Before I went- before I went to the hospital" - firstly i want to be clear of my position with the "did he actually attempt" question bc ive seen some people being absolutely vile already, which is that while i understand doubting his story considering his history of lying and manipulation and obviously skewed moral compass, i also feel like it is VERY much plausible enough that publically speculating abt whether it's true or not is shitty, especially telling HIM you think he's lying. best case scenario you're right, worst case scenario you're crossing a hell of a line, and he's obviously done enough stuff that the situation can be addressed pretty comprehensively without risking getting that coin flip wrong. i think we should proceed under the assumption that lying about that is one line he wouldn't cross, and if proof comes along that he was lying then obviously fuck him, but otherwise i think that aspect should be off limits. and having said all that, even under the assumption he is telling the truth, the way he brings it up in this apology is still manipulative, as many have already pointed out, and this is an excellent example. by bringing it up right before addressing his bigotry, he a) implies to the audience that these comments in particular are a notable part of what sent him there, and therefore plants the idea that if they continue to address it while knowing how badly it's already affecting him, they'd be deliberately trying to hurt him or push him to attempt again, and b) tries to distract the audience from the fact that he's addressing his bigotry and get them to go easy on him, since clearly he's already punished himself over it enough. but harming yourself does not actually make up for harm caused to others, and even if it did, unlearning the bigotry that caused the harm in the first place doesnt end at "feel really bad about it," that's actually step one. and as i'm sure you're already aware and i'll get into more in points 4 and 5, whether he's even at step one yet is doubtful!

² "And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos" - others have covered his passive voice the whole way through so i won't dwell too long beyond pointing it out, it's mostly just highlighted here bc of how it ties into the next point

³ "But I promise you I did not write that stuff." - just, beautiful in so many ways. performance art, even. firstly, the fact that one of the closest places he comes to calling it plagiarism is in defense against a second allegation? just lmao. and secondly, this is about the most solid proof you could get that he indeed did not watch hbomberguy's video (or at least the whole thing) because hbomb very conclusively showed that if there are /any/ original thoughts of James' in his scripts, it is the bigotry, because he showed multiple examples of James /specifically/ rewording things he plagiarized to ADD IN the bigotry. so then tying back to point 2, his passive voice then becomes about ten times funnier here because he was just. blissfully unaware we all already knew exactly how it "made it into" the script and that his next statement would be a lie. just incredible

⁴ "I don't think those things." - notice the lack of specificity here, the most he can say is "people think i hate these groups" and "i don't think those things" and not "this is exactly what i said that was harmful, here's how it was harmful, here's the correct version of it, and here's how to avoid similar pitfalls in the future", yknow, like what people do when they actually accidentally say bigoted things bc they don't know any better? and again this point ties into the next one:

⁵ "I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel that I just completed delegitimised you." - ah yes, nothing says apology like "i'm sorry you felt like what i said was hurtful," where the message is less "i did something wrong and hurt you, i regret this and want to fix it," and more "you were too sensitive and got your feelings hurt by something i didn't intend to be hurtful, but i GUESS i'll be the bigger person and say sorry even though i didn't actually do anything wrong🙄". and see again 4, if he actually had looked into it and learned why it was wrong, he wouldn't be saying people "felt" delegitimised. he would be explaining why people reacted that way ie what it was a reaction to, why this reaction was correct, and providing actual information about asexual people. but he doesnt, because he didnt, because he doesnt care. which is all ESPECIALLY fucked because in saying it this way he's. delegitimising what they were saying. like some kind of fuckin aphobia ouroboros

⁶ "when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement" + ⁷ "And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus" - here we are, the crown jewels. so obviously ppl are already talking abt the performative allyship of "but my best friend is minority and they said it was fine!!1!" which is fucked up on its own, but then the fact that he immediately jumps to "and also i'm not throwing nick under the bus" shows us that within the greater context, point 6 did indeed mean "the bigotry in the scripts that i am currently apologizing for and explaining the presence of in this section is there because i repeated the things nick told me were true, these ideas originate from him." aka blame nick, not me. but then he remembered that scapegoating nick is also something people are accusing him of so he had to backtrack over it, which if it was actually an innocent statement, it yknow. wouldn't need to be backtracked over? it's like he thinks just because he doesn't outright say "nick has bigoted ideas that i parroted so basically its his fault" that no one can pick up on the subtext? and frankly i don't know much about nick (or james beyond this whole thing tbf so obv take everything i say with the whole shaker of salt) so this very well could be the truth to a degree, but if nick does hold bigoted views too, that's TOO. not instead. for james to repeat them without question to the camera means he doesn't disagree. even if hbomb hadn't proven the bigotry did originate from him, it would still be meaningless, because if it came from nick then that would just mean james decided to stay close working friends with a shitbag and repeat all of his garbage to his fans uncritically!

so in summary, in just this one chunk he: reminds you to be extra niceys to him because hes delicate right now, immediately lies about where the bigotry came from, talks around what he actually said wrong or that he was in the drivers seat for it, then blames nick for it before hearing himself say it out loud reminds him people are picking up on that now too and has to walk it back.

to spoof the roblox oof video: when we look at the sum collective of all of his claims regarding his bigotry, and we put it in context with. the fucking everything about him. when james says the bigotry didn't come from him, this might just be me. but I don't believe him!

[themostsanebug]

hey hi i was planning on sharing this to dsaf confessions but since. that place is where drama DWELLS in the fandom i will not be doin so and instead keeping this on my blog teehee. so. WOE dsaf identity/ship hcs be upon ye!!!!

jack kennedy; sorry guys. i hit this fucker with the trans beam.... (transmasc agender) he/him pronouns. he is!!! also aroace!!!! romance neutral, sex favorable! he fucks but doesnt necessarily do it because he finds them hot. he also tried to date. several times and that didnt work. he dated dave and roger briefly and broke up with both of them. he still refuses to acknowledge hes not straight and in fact doesnt love anyone. yeah hes. autistic too.

dave miller; GENDERFLUID!!!! MASC-PRESENTING!!!! he fucks with mostly he/him pronouns but any work he could care less. terms and stuff of the like depend on what mood hes in. sometimes he likes to be called a girl and will be very happy if ya do so!!!! pansexual!!! personally think its for the best hes not polyamorous but. sorry chat get hit with my dave x roger propaganda but he loves that orange phone. in my eyes hes more chill after breaking up with jack!!!! he also doesnt like jack all too much anymore though..... doessss he see roger in a similar light to jack? just a lil.... roger being orange doesnt help. but hes not. AS obsessive. he also has!!! audhd!!! 2 me at least.

steven stevenson; t. transman... canonically gay so that remains!!!!! the same!!!!! he/it/fox pronouns in my heart. he just says he/him if you ask though. also. autism. hes autisitic. i see him with jake now..... my ass could not escape the liminalspace propaganda.... are most of these based on his askblog? yeah!!! do i care? no!!!

dee kennedy; cis female!!!! she is aroace and and in my heart bow uses she/bow pronouns because i said so. i COULD see her wanting a platonic relationship with another ghost kid though!!!!!! so mayhaps platonic attraction?

peter kennedy; transman. woah wonder how often thats gonna show up here!!!! he/him and he’s bicurious!!!! mainly because it makes sense to me. hes kissed a man before he got married.

harry fitzgerald; ttt. transman transman t- sorry. i cant restrain myself most of them are transmen. BUT!!!! he’s polyamorous and omnisexual with a masc-leaning preference!!!!! he/they pronouns!!!! yayay!!!!!! theyre dating. roger and and walt!!!!

jake wilson; giggles. guys you would NOT be able to guess this but hes trans too. shes just built different. WOE GENDERQUEER TRANSFEM JAKE BE UPON YE!!!!! she/he pronouns and and hes gay too!!!!! i heart breaking gender stereotypes with my headcanons. shes dating steven giggles.

roger jones; TRANSMASC BLURGENDER!!!!! is that me self projecting??? absolutely. he/it pronouns and and he’s bisexual and polyamorous!!!!! its also autistic.... he is dating harry and dave!!!!! yay!!!!!!!

walt grouse; cis male!!!!! woah i think hes like. the first on this list. any pronouns he doesnt give two shit call him whatever you want. he is!!!! also implaromantic/sexual!!!!! he gave up he couldnt find a label that fit him so that was his last resort. he is dating harry because rarepairs i love you rarepairs.

rebecca; cis female!!!! probably a straight ally!!! she/her pronouns but i can see her being fine with gender neutral terminology being used on her!!!! she is also not dating anyone!!!!!

henry miller; henrys just a guy. a dude. but also not? oddly enough, i agree with the interpretation that henry is gendervoid and that henry doesnt use pronouns but just henrys name!!!!! thank you chribs for that. also dont see henry being particularly romantic or sexual? so aroace in the sense that henry is romance and sex repulsed.

THATS ALL FEEL FREE TO THROW ROCKS AT ME.......

[partywithoutsmiling]

Here's a fun idea you said that if he wanted to branch could make his own tribe. well what if he did, where do you think the tribe would live? I'm thinking something like the lash caves from minecraft because underground, and what if that was hundreds of years ago? What do you think folk trolls would evolve to look like? What about their culture? Would the leader position be passed down through bloodline or successes? What would their leader even be called? I feel like it has to be chief. Aaaahahahhah this ideas so funnnnn

Hi!

Sorry for late answer, I had a late shift at work, and that didn't leave me with much energy to do anything but have midnight dinner and then sleep XD

The thing about Branch, and his Folk String- yes, he could form his own Tribe and his own genre of music, but I am unsure if he would. Not at least while he travels, and while the events of the first and second movie are taking place.

First it comes down to the fact that he has no idea that the Strings exists and what they even are- and that knowledge would probably change somewhere around when World Tour happens. Even as he travels through the other territories, the topic of Strings just... doesn't come up, so he has no idea what power he holds in his hands (paws XD).

He also just still feels very connected to his own Tribe, no matter how badly they treated him. Especially after he realizes that Poppy actually missed him and was devastated to see him gone. (And sorry to say but my Branch will always be a bit of a simp for her, he is a lost cause in that)

BUT, all that said, entertaining the possibility of him forming his own Tribe...

Him straying underground once more would be very in character- especially as apparently Rock Trolls are subterranean people, in that most of their dwellings are underground and I do headcanon Branch as having a rock troll blood. So he would have never felt comfortable high in the trees like a full blood Pop Troll, but he also wouldnt want to be without any access to sunlight or plantlife.

The Lush Caves are a good idea certainly- and I raise you the possibility of their dwelling be more like the Hidden World from HTTYD XD

Not to the full fantastical extent as in the movies- but with the definition on whimsy and calm, some bioluminescence and giant crystals would be a great conversation piece XD

Chief being the title of the leader also fits- that, or more specifically Chieftain. Branch definitelly doesnt think of himself as coming from line of kings and queens (He is wrong about that in my headcanon buuut that's for another post XD), and so he would never think to use those titles. I think the position would be hereditary- but definitelly not going to the 'firstborn of the firstborn', but based on suitability. Culturaly, I think that would also be most familiar to any troll who who migrates from the large Tribes, where the leadership is definitelly a hereditary position (I think even Country Trolls, despite the Fandom calling Delta Dawn a mayor, do regard her as their queen).

Now for the fun part, the physical changes XD

Honestly that by itself requires a whole another post, since this need to encompass all of the Trolls tribe by tribe, but let me sum it up based on the Major Genres:

Pop: - Colourful little menaces as we know them from the movies XD - Largely arboreal- that means long tails that compensates for balance, and paws with retractable claws used for gripping onto tree bark - All trolls- apart from Classical and Techno- are in possession of fur, or (as one AO3 fanfic writer called it) in possession of 'flocking' XD - Pop Trolls grow thicker pelt in winter and shed it with the coming summer- but in general, it still grows rather fast for some so those trolls took to shaving it down to keep it need (Poppy is one such with unlucky ancient genes when it comes to that) - Before they evolved to use their Hair to the exten they do now, they largely counted on their own agility and ability to jump from branch to branch, and chipped away burrows into the trees - so powerful leg and arm muscles, and comparativelly amazing strenght for beings so small -They definitelly used to be taller than any non-funk trolls, slightly shorter than Biggie, but with the Pop String creation, their hair abilities and the selective survival of the smallest (after all, smaller trolls hid from Bergens' better), they've been getting on average shorter - They do have small hint of fangs, but are largely leaning towards non-meaty diet, though still very much omnivorous

Country: - Centaur-ish; I know movie depicted them with horse bodies, but I headcanon them more in the way unicorns are in old medieval illustrations, ie Artiodactyls - Long tail hair, almost as luscious as their own hair - Pointier ears, clear fangs on top of their large front teeth (since meat seems to be large part of their diet), but not really paws and claws; I would say they are the most carnivorous of all the trolls, raising livestock both for milk but specifically for meat - (diving into the territory of evolution, if they were hunters of prey, they probably chased them and kicked them to death XD) - All in all, not that different from how movie showed them

Classical: - More fairy-like/Hummingbird-like than in the movies - Definitelly still smaller and glittery, but with the idea their skin is not actually glitter like with Glitter Trolls, but either some kind of scale like feathers, or more durable version of the scales like butterflies have on their wings -Two pairs of wings instead of one, and definitelly beating faster to keep them up in the air - No tail- a rarity out of all the Trolls- and their hair is more like bird feathers/crest, in that it can puff up or lay flatter depending on situation - Most likely nectarivous and herbivorous? Making something like 'honey' from their farming efforts XD - The gemstone in their belly is an accessory and not something they all grow naturally- meant to show the troll is grown and ready to join the Orchestra XD

Techno: - Not much to change there- I just imagine their neon and digital looks came much later after decades/centuries being influenced by their string, they used look a little bit down to earth before that - Omnivorous, with crustaceans and molluscs making up for the majority of their animal protein- and probably necessary source of compound their bodies need to be bioluminescent

Rock: - Being looks wise the most similar to Pop Trolls, there was probably some speculation they both came from the very first same ancestor- before the Strings were created - Their flocking/fur is thinner and sleeker, and they don't grow a thick undercoat in winter, but similar to Pop trolls they have paws with claws- only theirs are not retractable - Their tail is also shorter and not as luscious in fur, used more for display than for balancing - Pointier ears for sure, more visible fangs; as mentioned, I think they are supposed to be subterranean? So most of their dwellings is underground- probably to avoid the volcanic ash on top- but I imagine living so close to the sea, they are largely focused on fishing (their angler ships suggests that they have no issue going underwater), probably hunting whatever critter lives in the cavern bellow, and maybe they are using the advantage of volcanic soil to grow some hardier crops? - Living underground with no direct sunlight for days probably gave them killer nightvision while their colours dulled to make hiding in the caves easier

That said, Branch is half and half. Despite his ear deformity, I would imagine they would always be a little pointier than on any other Pop Troll, and he cannot retract his claws (and thus took to filing them down to keep them blunt for safety sake- still sharp enough to help him climb, not sharp enough to hurt) Even if he grew up with his true colours, I'd imagine they would dull as he grew older, going vibrant only if he indulged in the poppiest of songs (or if he performed on stage) He has the tail and the luscious tail-hair of a Pop troll, but his flocking never grows a thick undercoat so he is almost always chilled to the bone in winter, forced to wear padded clothing to keep warm

With the Folk String coming from him, and representing him.... I imagine some of these things would change He'd grow hardier- more temperature tolerant at least- and similar to Rock Trolls, his night vision would grow better. Would any potential Folk Trolls change the same? Maybe? Perhaps more bioluminesce similar to that of Techno Trolls, while their general basic colouring grows more grounded- more into muted pastels and leaning towards greens/aquamarine tones

Culture is hard to pinpoint, as it would be evolving from various established cultures of all the other Major and Minor tribes; who knows what hodge podge it would end up as XD

My mind is full of various headcanons pft- ones that are blanket for all my AUs and ones that are just part of that one specific one- so be on lookout for more regarding that

[little-shadow-club]

SL Rag spoilers below

just another Haein ramble post don mind me.

Look man I love Haein as much as the next person but I feel like, even with the new content of her coming out (from SL Rag to Arise to the anime) she's still lacking in something of her character. And, as I began to look more into her I kinda saw that the main culprit of her characterization is that: She is perfect.

Too perfect, I mean she holds no flaws or anything that can set her aside from the rest (and no being an s rank and female doesn't automatically make her different), and even if she does she doesnt hold them to the extent that other characters might have them, or she just has the same thoughts as anyone else. Her personality as well never clashes with the other hunters or is too different, especially from Jinwoo-- and okay yeah that's expected bc trophy wife trope and all that–  and in a sense I think this might derive from the fact that everyone wants her to still be stuck into this mold of “perfect wife + perfect mother” that doesn't have the same level of flaws as the rest. 

She wants a comfortable life, like Jinwoo, she trains constantly, like Chiyeol, she is not burdened by trauma unlike Juhee who leaves the story or Jinah who actively tries to stop his brother at one point from entering dungeons (and stopping the MC? Clashing due to real life precautions and worries? And expanding on that? No sir we don't do that). She is strong but not too strong to be a threat (in their first meeting maybe but then Jinwoo just levels up in the castle and then bam stronger than her again) just like… yeah everyone else lol. She fights Jinwoo at one point but it's not due to some difference in thinking or to stop him from something, rather Haein just wants to spend time with him. And yeah despite wanting a comfortable life, or so told so far, she is still placed in the spotlight during her idol years, and has to deal with the most supernatural shit going on in her life constantly. She might be strong but she is still a damsel in distress, and her olympic background… I mean it's there.

I like the implication that she might have been stressed about appearing perfect during her idol life, especially pressured to do great by the adults around her just as she was pressured to be a maintainer of peace when she was an S rank (friend’s death and all), but that… doesn't get anywhere, and I admit Haein hinted to being stressed was only in the date scene with Jinwoo, the rest was expanded by Arise and Rag, still, still its not treated as anything else except ‘oh she is so camery shy’ and ‘oh she just wants a normal life being a normal wife’ (mind you Jinwoo is there as well but he even he doesn't see a problem with that except for when the cameras are pointed at him to which he just makes all the photos look black) and not, idk, dwell on the amount of pressure she would have been faced in since she was a child, the failure of not meeting those expectations in her past life and wishing to meet them when she was given the chance to become an s rank hunter, or how all of that constant training might have affected her life and social ties with other children who werent as talented as her. Or maybe how Haein has had to constantly keep people at a distance due to her nose problems, plus her almost never appearing in the news (so it was said during her hunter years, bc she had signed a contract with Jongin for this to not happen i think) leading everyone to not get to know her as well as the rest of the other hunters who were practically seen as celebrities.

No? None of that? Not even tackling the fact that olympic athletes tend to suffer from burnout, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, or how traumatic the double dungeon must have been since it was the first time Haein, an S rank, had ever come so close to dying (as far as we know in the og sl), and it cant be backed away with saying ‘oh that would be too complex for the story!’ when we’ve seen Haein trying to challenge her fears against Beru during the Ahjin guild arc. 

It's also not needed for her to be so overly complex either, I was listing examples out of the many routes in which her story could be fleshed out more. She can have a small healing moment to herself or slowly unwrap the tolls of pressure she’s been under, and that would be enough, because tbh, she does deserve some time to breathe, as a character, as herself. For the most part she’s never alone, in every scene we see other she either is with someone (mostly a guy) or thinking about someone (90% Jinwoo), so seeing her outside of anyone’s interaction, seeing her go on about her daily life or her daily struggles, or seeing how Haein fixes her own situations without the reliance on others, that I think, would be more needed than ‘just more Haein scenes’ 

Arise has one scene which I like, her talking with Chiyeol after his double dungeon incident. Both characters definitely needed something like that in my part, 1) because it highlights Chiyeols maturity over the certain years he has been as a hunter, and 2) because it emphasizes Haein’s relationship with her teacher and how she’s not only learning to be skilled but also the pain that comes with losing your comrades afterwards.

And in Rag, though I find it way too absurd to the point that its funny that Haein has managed to protect an entire village, on her own, for the past 5 years, with daggers, in her 40s, no experience whatsoever in a fight unless it was also transferred alongside her memories, and also had no qualms in protecting the race of beasts that had once pose such a level of danger Jinwoo himself rewinded time itself— I do like her interactions with Sirka,  and it posses such an interesting dynamic to see considering she is one of the few humans who has managed to maintain a connection and lived alongside intelligent magic beasts like he elves (Suho being the other which is… interesting actually when you think about it considering Jinwoo is somewhat yes and not on the list). 

Again, she is so interesting in her own right, but the thing is that we never see her act alone or be solely in the spotlight, and don't get me wrong, this also goes from the other characters too. But with her I feel like too much of what she could be or experienced is brushed off too quickly or not given enough time to expand. 

So anyways, I will like to see where she might go off from here foward, especially in rag, and the anime.

[upsidedowngrass]

hi these are some thoughts i had about liam a min ago. theyre messy but im thinking abt them so much . blwos up (text version under the cut, tho i also put the text into the alt)

its. initially he doesnt seem OPPOSED to help or anything but he def develops just. not considering himself. he doesnt care what happens to him as long as he can do what he needs to .but i think at the most visceral he still will avoid things that Actively Will Be Painful, tho i think hes more aware of that in heavy hindsight, or when its extremely imminent (gestures at ep 14)

DEFINITIELY… I THINK TO THE SHIT W THE SMOKESTACK SM hes like. is it dangerous? yeah. could i get in legal trouble? yeah. but its what stone wants, im sure of it. and i need to do that. no matter what

bc he obv is scared of death!!! he actively AVOIDS it in ep 14. which ofc is a low bar but its like. it shows his priorities SO well

that saving the others+stopping the others+just. doing whatever stone is asking him, thats giving him … some semblance of a purpose w what he feels like is already a permenantly destroyed life that cant be pieced together, that he has nothing else, thats weighed heavier than his own safety

he DOES object to offing himself in ep 13 though. at least he says as much, but he. doesnt seem to convinced. i think it was on his list of idedas but hes scared of death so idt he wanted to outright do THAT unless hed exhausted his options entirely, and following the notes WAS his 'options'

he cant follow the notes if hes dead, and as far as he knows, dying might screw up his ability to follow them. so its not smth he WANTS and hes scared of it and will avoid it if he can, but his own safety is considered a lower priorty; the same way he didnt wanna kill airy, he didnt wanna kill himself- stopping one from continuing, follow the notes were a higher priority, but if doing that directly requires doing the first two things he doesnt wanna actually do, he would do it. which , the thing w the smokestack isnt suicide, but the lack of concern for his own safety feels cut from the same cloth, really

THE FACT THAT HE CONSIDERS IT IS SO. hes so obv at his last straw its so upsetting. i think he realizes its illogical and thats what properly deters him. if its the wrong call, after all, it could ruin his chances- he needs to make use of his life as much as he can, he doesnt actually know what comes after bc he wasnt there long enough, but he knows its terrifying- but if it had been what he needed to do he would. but it doesnt seem to be

the argument is so very much. bryce fully coming to the realization that liam isnt just unhappy. that this isnt just smth hes just adamant abt, or a surface level problem and solution- he said 'you really are a mess' abt the eggs and i think at that pt all he knows is that liams Obsessed w this, and he knows shit got worse, but that liam is dwelling on it (smth bryce, master of handling his emotions, does not do /silly) - that hes doing this for himself and is just being ridiculous. but the argument i think is when it clicks how deep seated it is. i think after liams final little outburst after bryce says liams doing it for himself, i think the calling of bryce by soda bottle, the phrasing all makes it click that hes not just a guy not handling problems well, and isnt just being stupid, that liam is actively at the end of his rope and has stopped keeping himself safe and couldnt give less of a shit abt it- and its only then that it properly clicks for bryce. which ofc bryce couldnt know this is more an observation of what that convo does, bc what it does is like. make it click for bryce just how deep seated this problem is. he cant say 'dont do that' and walk away, and i think that probably scares bryce, because hes often the one fucking himself over- and this time, its someone else doing that, and its terrifying

he ultimately follows liam out of compassion- he doesnt need the keys. the car is totalled, and im fairly certain itd cost more to repair that thing than to get another car. he doesnt need liam for that. but i dont know if, before liam says his final thing, bryce wouldve fully followed him up the smokestack. bc theres a pause in bryce following liam at the gate, and i think thats the stretch that was because of what liam last said. bc he still cares about liam of course. hes pissed and catches up w him the first time because hes fucking angry and reasonably so, bc this guy STOLE AND CRASHED HIS CAR . and is mad abt it, and wants liam to know that. and he follows him to the gate bc hes WORRIED bc liam is being stupid, but that last stretch is like. thats him deciding that. liam isnt being stupid, hes not thinking and doesnt care and that its not smth liam COULD even do intentionally, bc its not smth that occurs as smth illogical and dangerous (and that being bad) if youre out of it and fucked up and dont know how to handle it. and bryce has his own issues, and hes not an asshole, and following liam up there is just. its him acting bc he knows liams too out of it to not get himself killed, and not only does he not want that on his conscience, he knows liam doesnt deserve to have that happen to him due to being so fucked up by things that he CANNOT think straight. hes not responding well and no matter how much someone could say he should try, like bryce was wanting him to, liam isnt at that pt. there are stages, so to speak, of experiencing trauma, and theres a point where its hard to even conceptualize that you SHOULD respond better to it, even if told, because it makes everything turn on its head and its hard to follow that, no matter how logical of a person you are. and bryce knows this. that liams not not trying to heal, that hes not in a place he CAN

if that makes. any sense. i have a lot of feelings on it

[sea-dwelling-wizard]

who are you?

call me wizard!

i go by she/her pronouns.

i live in the mariana trench. if you wanna visit pls make sure you have the correct equipment i am not responsible for any harm or injury

this blog is for me to infodump about my interests and talk about my passions and thoughts! dw it doesnt bite :D

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

what things do you like?

dancing with the fae, singing with the sirens, swimming with the ones down below, stargazing with myself, writing about realms beyond, sketching all that i see, summoning those above, coding the divine (HTML, PHP, now learning CSS!)

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

fun facts

im not aesthetic at all im trying so hard to make this look good rn send help

im super girly :D

im not a picky eater, but put figs in front of me and i will explode

fis

i love stuffed toys, figurines, and those of the like!! i still sleep with a plushie akajjshsh (its a whale plushie i love it sm)

i collect stationary. i dont use any of it

im thinking of opening a neocities but i dont know enough CSS to do that hhhh

im in a MASSIVE book slump rn 🙏im trying to get back into it thoo

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important!

i don't live in the USA nor Europe. my timezone is in IST, so please be patient when you interact with my posts! i may stay up late on weekends tho ;D

i do not tolerate racism, transphobia, homophobia, sexism, TERFs, etc. on my blog. if you are an NSFW blog, you will be blocked.

i am a minor. please refrain from sending suggestive/graphic/violent asks.

on the other hand, please feel free to tag me in tag games!!

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𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

some other stuff!

my favorite songs: reincarnation apple by pinnochio-p, non-breath oblige by pinnochio-p, god-ish by pinnochio-p, odo by ado, dramaturgy by eve, konoyo loading... by REOL, no title by REOL, wozwald by nilfruits, CH4NGE by giga-p, soleil soleil by pomme, hole-dwelling by kikuo, matryoshka by hachi

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my favorite books: the midnight library by matt haig, klara and the sun by kazuo ishiguro, and tons more!

what i'm reading: once upon a broken heart by stephanie garber!

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my favorite shows: puella magi madoka magica, sailor moon, arcane, dungeon meshi

indie shows i like: the amazing digital circus, hazbin hotel, port by the sea (pilot stage), lackadaisy (pilot stage), ramshackle (pilot stage)

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ABOUT MY WIPs!

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beneath the waves, within this soul: book 1 of the Heavenly Tetralogy

The Abyss consumes. It gives no mercy for those damned.

The dark is home for Ourra, a trench-dweller with plans of chaos. Haunted by his mistakes, he yearns to make all well again.

Atticus, a lost soul with nothing to lose, enters the Abyss to save those he loves; for a price, of course.

So, what will it be? Love, or the pain of a man turned evil?

Progress: outlining the third draft since the second was too wobbly

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on this sunset shall i sing: book 2 of the Heavenly Tetralogy

Having magic beyond the set boundaries of the realm you live in means high expectations. And when you break those expectations, it isn't pretty.

Now, the Impyreum is stuck in a state of chaos and darkness: who's to blame?! No, no, no, Apollo did not drown the Sun. That's what he said, anyway!

The First Protector sets sail for the seas to search for the missing fragments along with the smartest, dedicated, and the top investigators and strategists. Apollo is invited, and nobody really likes him for a while.

Where's the Sun? Will the light ever come back?

Progress: Nope. Nothing. I haven't even decided the team-

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𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

Dive in!!! It'll be fun!!

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