#and he can't talk to dean about it because he's not there (physically or mentally)

[apocalypseornaw]

Fantasies

Dean Winchester x Reader

You start having dreams about the eldest Winchester which puts a strain on your friendship

You groaned lightly from the tightness in your side, it was decorated vibrant shades of purple from the last hunt. All of you were currently sticking to the bunker and licking your physical or mental wounds until the next case called.

You walked out of your room trying to decide if you wanted to go in search of coffee or just wander through the stacks in the library. Sleep wouldn't find you and your mind wouldn't allow you to simply lay in bed.

You ended up deciding on a bottle of water before going in search of a book to busy your mind until maybe exhaustion would win out. You walked quietly into the library and was surprised to find you weren't the only occupant of the bunker still up.

Dean sat at the table, an open lore book in front of him but you could tell from the look in his eyes his mind was on anything but the book. "Dean?" You called and he startled slightly which honestly shocked you. No one snuck up on Dean.

He smiled when his eyes landed on you "What are you doing up sweetheart? You got pretty banged up" you rolled your eyes despite the smile slipping onto your face. Of course he was worried about your side when Sam had to put his left shoulder back into place. "I'm fine Dean. Are you ok?"

He nodded then stopped "No, I'm not. Can we talk?" You laughed lightly "We're talking now Winchester" he narrowed his eyes at you so you grinned "Sorry" then walked over to sit next to him but instead he grabbed your hand at the last moment and directed you to the table in front of him.

It wasn't unusual for any of you to end up sitting on the table during a rundown of a hunt but that was when it was all three of you and you were fully dressed. Now you were wearing the long tshirt you'd worn to bed and a pair of boys boyshorts that barely covered everything. You sat down in front of Dean and pressed your legs together, pulling the shirt down "What's wrong Dean?"

He leaned forward, tentatively putting one hand on your bare leg "You" "Me?" You asked and he nodded "Jody may have let somethings slip to me" you felt your face warm, why would she do that? You'd told her in confidence. "I know you don't feel the same about me Dean" you barely whispered, keeping your eyes down on your lap.

He leaned forward to catch your face in one of his hands, forcing your eyes to meet his "How do you know I don't? How do you know if you're not the only thing ever on my mind? How I hate you wearing this damn outfit to bed because if I ever catch Sam looking I'm gonna knock his head off. How I'd give anything to bend you over this table and show you just how much I feel the same about you"

By that time he'd moved from his chair to be standing between your legs, one hand holding your face while the other was still on your leg. You could feel your heart in your throat when you saw the hunger in those gorgeous green eyes that was watching your every move. "Show me" you whispered and a grin worked its way onto his face. He caught your lips in a bruising kiss as you felt his hand slid up your leg to your inner thigh. When his fingers brushed over your clothed core you moaned lightly and he smirked against your lips "Damn that's a beautiful sound"

He slipped one finger under the shorts and groaned when he realized you weren't wearing any panties. He plunged two fingers into you and your hips bucked up towards him. His eyes went from your face down to watch as he fucked you with his fingers "So damn pretty,coming apart on my fingers. Can't wait to feel that little pussy stretched around me"

He caught your lips again, slowly exploring your mouth with his own as he worked you closer to that edge. The moment his fingers grazed that spot inside of you, you clenched hard around his fingers and he moaned "Fuck, baby I'm trying to take this slow but you're making it hard"

You pulled back from the kiss just long enough to slip your shirt over your head, leaving you completely bare from the waist up "Take it slow later Dean but for now please just fuck me like you want me" He closed his eyes just for a second but you could see his jaw clench tightly. When he opened his eyes they were a darker shade of green and fuck his voice sounded deeper than usual when he said "Yes ma'am"

"WAKE UP SLEEPING BEAUTY. WE GOT A CASE" Dean's voice booming through your bedroom door jolted you awake. Your heart was pounding wildly and you were fairly certain your panties were soaked. Fuck. These dreams about Dean had started months ago, they had been sporadic at best but now it was beginning to be a reoccurring thing. How the hell could you keep living in close quarters, hunting side by side when the one thing you wanted from him you knew you couldn't have?

Reality

[wellofdean]

So...thinking about Dean and Jack...

Jack is not a child. He is NEW, but he is a cosmic being of unknowable power who was cognizant enough in the womb to save Kelly because he was still using her body as an incubator, and to show Cas a manipulative, glorious vision of his future actions specifically as they relate to Cas's desires. When he is born, he speaks English and understands peril, has the physical strength and angelic power to defend himself. He doesn't understand the world, but he is a VERY fast learner. There are a lot of ways in which children are vulnerable and need protection that simply do not apply to Jack at all. He is not a baby, physically or mentally.

Where Jack is vulnerable is in his sense of self and his identity. He is emotionally and spiritually vulnerable, and he is vulnerable to manipulation. From the first time Sam talks to him, he is asking Jack if he can re-open the rift, and Sam DOES want to use him. I don't blame Sam for that, it's a perfectly logical thing to want. Sam believes Mary might still be alive, and he wants to use Jack to go see, and hell, maybe as a weapon, too. Sam needs to believe that Jack can be good and useful to them, and he is not really honest with Jack at first. Dean is right about that.

Dean, though? Dean is completely, 100% honest with Jack in every interaction, no matter how ugly the truth. He tells Jack exactly what he thinks and feels. He has a very reasonable reaction to Jack as a still-unknown cosmic power, and Dean quite reasonably sees him as the reason Cas is dead. Dean is emotional and grieving, but he is honest. Later, as he comes to see Jack as something other than a threat, he is kind to Jack while still being honest. When he comes to love Jack, he loves him honestly. He never lies or manipulates Jack even one time until they lure him into the mal'ak box, and when they talk him into it, Dean can barely look at Jack and makes Sam do the talking, because he really just can't. Lie. To. Jack.

Jack emulates, loves and respects Dean. When Jack thinks Dean has to kill him, he understands and accepts it because he trusts Dean. I think Jack looks to Dean for an honest, clear-eyed assessment of his situation. Cas is blinded by love, Sam is more interested in utility, and Dean is being forced to sacrifice Jack, who has become his and Cas's son -- his family. If Dean can do it, Jack is willing to submit, and then DEAN CAN'T DO IT.

it makes no sense to me to apply real-world child/parent roles to them, to compare Dean with John, who was raising human children, or to think of Jack as an actual human child, and I don't blame Dean for any of it. Dean is so emotionally compromised in so many different ways and I think there is a widespread tendency to begrudge Dean his legitimate feelings when they aren't comfortable, and to apply reality-based roles to these characters who are not at all living normal lives. When it comes down to it, Dean STILL loves Jack (and Cas!) too much to kill Jack or to lie to him, even after Jack oopsie-daisy kills Mary in a moment of uncontrolled panic and has no soul and can't tell right from wrong, and can't even feel remorse. Jack is legitimately dangerous, and Dean is not wrong to try to contain that.

And, by the end of the story, when Dean is saying Jack is not family, not like Cas and Sam are, Dean has lost his compass, and we know that because he also deceives Amara, and tries to kill Sam. Dean is truly in error in those scenes, and doing the wrong things, and seriously, Dean is so good, so self-sacrificing, so full of love that I am able to forgive him a moment of error at the climax of his existential crisis. By that time, Jack is a complex character who is as heavy with grief and guilt as Dean is, and who feels the weight of the world, like Dean does, and who understands Dean.

Is Dean perfect? No. Is Jack a child? No.

I'm just going to say it: I think Dean was a good father to Jack, because what Jack needed more than anything else was honest information about who he was, what threat he posed, who loved him, and HOW to love, so that he could decide who he was and what he wants to be.

He got that from Dean.

[fandomnytupiza]

how do u think alpha dean would react if omega sam stopped having heats after the cage?

hmm, that's a good question. it took me a while to think of an answer. dean's head is just a soup pot of caring, possessiveness, and absolute dependence on his brother. sometimes it's really hard to imagine how he would behave in a certain situation.

since my favorite hc is "sam and dean started a romantic relationship in the later seasons", this is more of a gencest than a full-fledged wincest.

i think dean would be (obviously) worried as hell – what if it's dangerous for sam's health? for his life? he can't lose his little brother again, he gust got sam back!

dean would also be mad at lucifer, mad to the point of wanting to put him through a meat grinder alive or just rip his throat out. because of what lucifer did to sam, he won't be able to have children and won't be able to start a family, because most alphas don't need an omega without a heats (though dean would love him anyway).

dean's anger would have been magnified many times over when sam got his soul back. soulless sam was unlikely to care about his stopped cycle, but normal sam would just be inconsolable by it - what could upset an omega more than infertility? sam is now a worthless omega, no one want him, no one will ever love him, because no alpha needs an omega who cannot bear him children. probably at this point, dean's concern about his brother's physical health would have been replaced by concern about his mental state. and because of this, he would only like to kill lucifer more, giving him a nice torture before he died.

maybe then dean, despite his ineptitude and dislike of having heart-to-heart conversations, would have talked to sam when he started to sink into full-fledged depression. after that, sam's condition would improve a bit, because he needs dean's support. always.

eventually, they would both come to terms with it. it would have taken a lot of time, a lot of anger on dean's part - "why the hell did you decide that no one will love you?!" ‐ and a lot of self-loathing on sam's part, but they both would have been fine sooner or later.

(maybe the answer is a little shitty cause i'm tired, sorry:( and also sorry for the grammar, english is not my native language)

[thehomophobe]

You and the FNAF SB cast as told by incorrect quotes: Nerdy Prudes Must Die Edition

Chica: We never leave anyone behind.

(Y/N): Well I got left behind this morning. Bus driver's a fucking asshole.

Moon: I want to be invisible.

Roxy: *looks at Moon's fit* Then why do you come to public school dress in pajama pants and fucking glasses?

Roxy: Oh my god! You're micro-penis!

Sun: It's not actually a micro penis!

Sun: My titties are tenderized...

Monty: It's 3rd period shit lips. I've gotta get to "remedial algebra".

Monty: Oh, well there's a difference between "intent" and "impact".

Monty: I learned that at the anti-bullying assembly last month.

Monty: *after bullying Sun* Should I let him off with a warning?

Lackey: Haha Yeah! 😃*Monty glares at the Lackey*

(Y/N): Can I carry your books for you?

Sun: "Carry my books..."? I don't think either of us are ready for that, I mean we're only 18!

Claire: This is politics, (Y/N), learn to multi-task.

*Vanessa readies a hammer to smash

Roxy's phone."Roxy: NO! *puts her hand over her phone.

*Vanessa: *in complete confusion* Did you just throw your hand BETWEEN the hammer and the phone?

Sun: Y'know, like--Newton's law of motion, like physics.

Moon: This project's on thermodynamics. What the fuck are you talking about?

Chica: *looks to Sun* What was it like when she touched your arm...?

Chica: DID YOU CUM?!?!

Chica: FREDDY'S TALKING TO BONNIE!!!

(Y/N): NANI?!?!?!?!

*Sun on the phone with (Y/N)*

Chica: What is she saying? What the FUCK IS SHE SAYING?!

Sun: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

(Y/N): Excuse me? 🤨

Sun: You're telling me I've gotta be funny AGAIN? I didn't on purpose the first time!

Freddy: Me and Bonnie in carnal embrace? That's ridiculous.

Bonnie: Think you're better than me 'cuz you come from money?

Sun: Oh, no I-I think the bowtie gave you the wrong idea---I'm not rich.

Bonnie: E U G H. So you're a poor piece of shit then?

Bonnie: I did not consent to this rende-voos.

Freddy: Mom, will you pass the butt stuff?

Mother: 😃

Father: 😀Freddy: *completely flustered* The but-TER. BUT-TER. Will you pass the but-ter, heheh...I just want some head and butter---BREAD!

Mother: 😃

Father: 😀

Freddy: Bread and butt sex to go with this big shaft of meat I'm gonna choke down!

Sun: I've got butterflies in my tummy, and they're flying real low today...

*Claire in Dean Vanessa's office.

*Vanessa: Whoa whoa whoa whose plan was it Claire?

Claire: *having a mental breakdown* It's God plan!

Claire: And he's leaving me out to dry!

Claire: DO SOMETHING YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

Moon: *points a knife* DON'T! FOLLOW MEH! *runs into the darkness*

Sun: Dagnammit. I need a DOGGONE drink. Give me a cup of hot water and make it strong.

(Y/N): Are we in trouble? Do we need to get hold of Lorelei?

Claire: Good luck getting a hold of her. Does your phone plan cover calls to hell?

(Y/N): Hell?

Claire: She's pansexual and dead, where else would she be?

Sun: *sobbing* I've done so many terrible things, like touching myself and lying to the police.

Lorelei: The souls of the pervs make me strong. >:)

Benison: Eyes on me.

😊Benison: (Y/N) Up here! 😠

Sun: *sighs sitting on a bench alone* I turned 40 today.

Roxy: They ended up studying out of sheer boredom

.Bonnie: Ew.

Chica: You all just watch each other pee? Oh it's better than I ever imagined ~.

Sun: Am I reading as ghost or Lin Manuel Miranda?

Chica: You're the bestest friend I've ever had.

Moon: Oh that's sad.

Monty: I love...to FUCK.

*Sun having a crisis*

Chica: It's all right Sun---

Roxy: Don't comfort him he's fucking weird.

Vanessa: On the ground bitch imma cop

Monty: Man something reeks.

Moon/(Y/N)/Lorelei: Sorry, that's me.

Sun: *on the phone* You don't say?

Sun: You don't say?

Freddy: What they find Sun?

Sun: They didn't say.

(Y/N): I knew him. I just hated his guts.

Claire: Not enough to kill though.

(Y/N): We both know you can't ignore me because you're crazy about me.

Sun: *in shock* WHAT?!

[melodystark]

Okay let's talk about 9-1-1 From ABC

Especially about

Buck Buckley/Eddie Diaz

And my favorite character

Evan "Buck" Buckley

Recently i fell in though the rabbit hole of 9-1-1 fandom and i have several points to make about the series

1.- Buck Buckley And Abuse Including Sexual Abuse,Verbal Abuse,Physical Abuse,Mental Abuse And Power Abuse

So let's start with sexual abuse in the season 1 episode 2

That Was R#p#

A therapist sleeping with a patient is abuse of power Buck it was no in te metal state to give consent because he was experimented trauma about watching a suicide that's why Bobby tell him to go with the therapist BECAUSE TRAUMA she took advantage of him

Then when he told Bobby it was treat like a joke by the team and Bobby himself the blame him about it

I think the when this happen it cause a change in his life the he fell in the "Relationship With Abby" which brings me to the other problem

POWER ABUSER

Abby and Bobby fell in this category for me because the way a watch the show

Abby was like 40 or 50 years old and for me always it was a problem because according to Wikipedia Buck was 27 in 2018 when he star dating Abby maybe to a lot of people is no a problem but for it was quite sickening

I have 27 right now and to think the a old man gets my phone number from illegal ways (Because it is and still is illegal to take a number for a 911 phone call is something that stalker do is no romantic is stalker behavior) then this old man starts to call me when I am no in good mental state it have a lot of red flags🚩🚩🚩

Is no romantic is no quirky is abuse of power in the job say it with is emotional manipulation to

Let's talk about Bobby he physical abuse of Buck in the job when he push him to the wall and he mentally abuse of him in a lot of occasion then he power abuse when he pull him away of his job because he didn't "want to lose another son"

Maybe is me but he and everybody else always thought about their feelings and emotions are more important that Bucks but when he does the same is like you're selfish and exhausting

Like what Chimney did to when he punch Buck and never apologize

And let's no forget about Maddie don't make me start with her is the most abusive with Buck she emotional abuse and she repeatedly manipulated him with the thing about Daniel how and why you hide something like this from your own brother there's is always the excuse of I was making the best for you it was from your own good and no is no for him it was for her and her mental state no for his

Everybody in the show hurts Buck physical, mentally,emotional and verbally and is just so unfair he can't have problems or feel something because then he is selfish I think the this is a problem with this characters like Dean Winchester, Tony Stark, Derek Hale Charles Xavier or Stiles Stilinski they always make the problems like the are a burden or something is wrong with them

2.- Eddie Diaz

Eddie deserves his own point because is like agrrrr so much

Okay Eddie is no a good friend and he will never be a good boyfriend (I will come back to this later) so let's talk about it why a think the he is no good friend

He was in the beginning but later when Buck sue the fire department he didn't want to know the side or the opinions of Buck no he made is on mind with the help of Bobby because will always come back to the problem with they lives Buck thinking about him being selfish and exhausting because is always his fault

See is always the same they (The others Bobby, Hen, Chimney And Maddie) hurt Buck they make decisions from him and Eddie never take his side he always take they side

With this friends imagine the enemies

I do think that Eddie is in love with Buck but I don't think the problem is that Buck is a guy the problem is that he is Buck someone the is so used to physical, emotional and verbally abuse and manipulate him that is no love he is in love with the idea of Buck no with him like all of Buck the good and the bad just with the idea

My open eyes happen with a tiktok they said the Buck and Eddie fight like married couples and it was no funny because the last episode ------->

🚨SPOILER ALERT🚨

Eddie push Buck to the wall and scream to him then Eddie go and bring Chris with him

That is no romantic is toxic

It is something that married couples do of course because the abuse of they partners the physical, verbally or emotional abuse of them then later bring flower, chocolates or they do something cute to gaslighting them like you are crazy you are imagine things is no like that happen it was just your imagination I do love you I bring you flower or i bring you Chris see I am no bad you are exaggerating the situation THAT IS NO LOVE

And that way a think the Eddie will no be a good boyfriend

3.- BUDDIE

Okay Buddie works of fanfiction only like Destiel or Stony because if it was like "Real Life" that relationship will be toxic as hell (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Like really think about it Eddie will have to change completely like all of him but i know you know and the goblin under your bed know the he will no change he will no grow emotional and mentally to be with Buck no he will stay the same and he will treat Buck like he always does only the if they are together he will be more toxic and it will be look like cute and no bad because is his partner

Then the will come the excuses he does it because is in love because he loves him because he knows what is the best for him because they are soulmates

And no is no good to excuse abusive behavior just because you want to see you ship begin canon

They only work on fanfiction because is all us see it in pink color glasses you look for what you want to read what you want to see

And that is it

SOOOOOOOOOOOO

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[l1zardgeek]

My whole world was flipped upside down the other day when I found out there was a lot of Sam haters in the spn fandom. I simply do not understand.

Yeah, sure, Sam did some messed up things. But so did every other character in the show.

He got addicted to demon blood because of Ruby and this alien feeling that was cast upon him because of John. His own father thought he was a monster, so you gotta know that's gonna do something to your self esteem and cause you to go out of your way to be accepted.

He traps himself in Hell with Lucifer to save his brother and the rest of the world, knowing how much trauma that will cause him. And when he got out, he didn't have a soul, which all the fault lies with Cas on that one. And when he got his soul back, he wasn't the same. The sheer trauma he had from being roomies with Lucifer was more than enough to drive any normal person insane, and he still endured silently for a long time, before he went so crazy he was forced to be put in a mental hospital. He physically could not sleep because Lucifer was taunting him so much. And the only way he ever got better was because Cas took all that trauma into himself.

Yeah, maybe Sam didn't look for Dean when he was in Purgatory, and instead spent his time with a woman instead, but he had no clue where Dean was. The last time he saw his brother, he stabbed Dick, and then him and Cas disappeared into thin air. There was no clues whatsoever to where he was. And all Dean ever wanted was for Sam to have a normal life, so after he presumes Dean dead, he does what he thinks his brother would have wanted for him.

He's angry at Dean for Gadreel, and rightfully so. His brother took away his choice in the matter by tricking him into saying yes. He was ready to die. He told Death to make sure he can't be resurrected. He wanted to die. And yes, obviously as a brother, you don't want your younger siblings to die. That's a given. But he took away Sam's choice in that and forced him to be possessed, which is where most of his trauma comes from. He was possessed by several, terrible people at one point, and it was literal torture for him. He watched helplessly as his own hands murdered and hurt many people, some of them being his own friends and family. And then it just gets worse when Gadreel forces him to kill Kevin later on.

Sam searches the ends of the Earth for Demon!Dean and even when he's told several times to stop going after him, he doesn't listen. He knows he was mistaken when he didn't look for Dean in Purgatory, so he fights to make up for it by searching for him now. Dean tries to kill him, tells him to go away, leave him be, and Sam doesn't. He does everything he can to cure him. And he does with the help of Cas. He never gave up, even long after Dean already did.

And Sam releasing Amara wasn't all his fault. Charlie, Cas, and (reluctanlty) Rowena agreed to help, too. They're all just as guilty as him. And as much as I hate saying that about Charlie, considering it got her killed, it's true. They all helped remove the mark. They all released Amara. It wasn't their intention, but they all wanted to save Dean from himself and from hurting others. They all knew how much it hurt him to not have control over his anger. They were all just trying to help and were prepared to face the consequences of that, no matter what they were, because it was for Dean and they all loved him. (This is excluding Rowena at this point obvi)

Sam is the only one who cares for Jack after he's born. Yes, Cas would've defended that kid with his life if he were still alive, but he wasn't. Only Sam and Dean were. And the first thing Dean does when he sees Jack is shoots him. Sam talks to him. Sam understands him. Sam was him. He relates to the kid in a way no one else probably could, and so he fights his brother about it. He fights to protect the misunderstood kid who's defined by the blood that runs through his veins, though he desperately tries to prove it's not who he is. People only say Dean and Cas were Jack's fathers. But Sam was Jack's first father, the first person to see him for who he truly was.

And then he shot God, getting himself injured in the process and ultimately helping them take Him down. He was a vital character through the series and sacrificed so much. He didn't deserve all that happened to him, and frankly, it makes me mad when people hate on him.

[goddessofhuntartimas]

Comfort

Paring: Dean winchester x reader

Warnings⚠️⚠️:mentions of self-harm, blood, depression, drinking,swearing,fufffff

Summary: Dean comforting you after a breakdown.

°♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡°

You're pov:

I was currently in my room that I have here at the bunker crying. I liked to claim I was strong and I could get through anything, but the truth is I can't. Every day gets harder and harder, and the scars on my body grow to the point that there's no room anymore. There's no breathing room it's not like I'm only physically suffocating but mentally. So again, here I was crying in my room, deciding if I should shut out the lights that was until someone knocked on my door. Sam walked in with a book. In hand "Hey, I was wondering..." he stopped mid sentence, giving me a worried expression. "Hey. hey, what's wrong? " he said in a soft tone. I looked away."I don't want to talk about it, " my voice cracked. "Ok.... do you want me to get dean?" He asked, unsure of what to do, "no! Don't please dont. " I began not wanting trouble, dean more than I've already have. It's not like dean didn't know where every scar has come from or what's been going on in my mind, but for the past 2 months, I've been distant and covering up and to my luck he's been really busy so it definitely been hard for him to completely notice and I say completely because he has asked if I'm ok or would ask why I'm acting differently which I would reply with "it's nothing just been busy" or "I'm ok just tired" but that could be further from the truth. "Are you sure?" Sam asked one more time "yeah I was just overthinking nothing too bad." Lie. "Well, im always here if you need me." Ok, thank you." I said blantly. He walked out, and I sighed, flopping down on the bed. I'm so tired, but I couldn't sleep. I kept on tossing and turning.

Sam's pov:

After what y/n looked like, there was no way in hell I wasn't not going to tell Dean. Would I possibly get my ass beat later? Yes, I would. "Hey, dean. I need to tell you something, and I need you not to freak out." " Sammy, you tell me not to freak out then I'm going to, but what is it." I let out a sigh."It's um y/n. I'm worried about her." Dean got out of his seat and stated, walking, hearing all that he needed to. "Wait." I grabbed his arm he looked back at me, annoyed. "Listen, she didn't want me to say anything, so just pretend like you were asking her something." I gave him pleading eyes. "Ok" he pulled away walking to her room.

Y/n pov:

I got up to change putting one one of deans shirts hoping it would help me sleep and a pair of shorts. I was about to walk out of the room to go grab a beer, but I was met with a pair of green eyes that were filled with worry. He walked towards me, pulling me into a hug. I was tense at first but caved into his touch, and there I was crying again more like sobbing. His head was resting on mine while his hands moved up and down my back. "Baby, do you want to tell me what's wrong?" His voice deep and caring I pulled from him looking down speaking quietly." I just can't anymore dean. I just can't it's all too much." He put his hand on my cheek, creasing it and wiping my tears away. "Hey, sweetheart. Look at me." I looked into his eyes. " Why didn't you tell me sooner?" " Because I didn't want to worry you. You are going through so much yourself it's the last thing I want to do is make you worry." I couldn't hold in my tears. I just wanted to crumble to the floor. " it doesn't matter what I'm going through. You need to tell me what's going on, and we can work it out together because this right here isn't going to do anything. And trust me, it's something I need to work on to." "Ok" I whispered. " I'll be right back," he walked off . I was sitting on the edge of the bed curdled up in a ball, waiting for dean to come back. He walked in with a different pair of clothes on he smiled at me. God, i love that smile. I gave him a slight one back . He got under the covers, giving me a look to come over to him. I sat on his lap and kissed him. He followed my actions, putting his hands on my waist , we moved slowly . We pulled away. " I love you," I said softly. "I love you too, sweetheart." I moved to the side if him laying my head on his chest, and finally, I felt at peace.

[queermania]

So I just read a post canon fix it fic that I'm struggling with. The concept was Dean is still alive and rescues Cas from the Empty because he's in love with him too then instead of getting together Dean decides he needs to get his act together so he goes to AA and AA has a rule that you can't date anyone for the first year. So Dean goes through all of this while living with Cas and basically stringing Cas along or I guess not stringing him along because it does lead to them getting together at the end of the year so I guess my problem is just that I don't understand why he would need to wait a year to be with the guy he loves. It's almost infantalizing like poor Dean can't be trusted to make a decision about who he loves because he's an alcoholic. Alcoholics and addicts aren't children who can't be trusted with feelings. Sorry I just got really mad. Lol.

i've been sitting on this for awhile because this is a complex issue and when it comes to dean winchester specifically, i think any conversation about his relationship with alcohol necessitates a discussion about what constitutes addiction, what constitutes being an addict, what constitutes recovery, what constitutes sobriety, etc. and that's not really a discussion i'm equipped to have on tumblr dot com.

but i will say that i've seen push back on the one year rule floating around tumblr and other social media sites for years now. there seems to be this misconception that the rule is a sort of extension of the idea of "if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to" and from that perspective, i get the push back. but that's not why the rule exists. it's not even a rule. it's a guideline, and it exists to protect people in recovery, not coddle or infantilize them, or strip them of their independence.

people who are suddenly sober after months or years of using are vulnerable–emotionally, mentally, and physically. their brain chemistry is literally different. they're in a position they haven't been in for a long time (if ever) and it's very common for people recovering to try to sublimate their addiction with attention from another person. it's kind of like a smoker who is trying to quit and ends up snarfing down chocolate. anything to staunch the craving.

obviously sublimating drugs with romance or sex isn't good, but the real issue is that it leaves already-vulnerable people perfectly positioned to be taken advantage of. and this isn't me trying to psychoanalyze a situation. it's a known phenomenon in recovery communities—that predators go after recovering addicts in the early stages of their recovery—to the point that it's a "joke." people (typically men but not always) who are farther along in their recovery prey on the newbies. out here the joke is that they're 13th steppers (like they've completed the full 12 steps and the next one is to take advantage of someone who is just starting out). "watch out for jim. he's a 13th stepper." i'm sure the terminology varies from place to place but the fact that it's a long-standing "joke" in the community says a lot.

but anyway, that's the point. it's not that addicts aren't equipped for love or whatever. it's that when you're that early in your recovery, you're vulnerable. your self-esteem is at an all-time low. you have no experience with setting and maintaining boundaries. you're most likely isolated (or at least alienated) from your family and friends. you're lonely. you're overwhelmed with emotions. you'd do anything for someone to love you and be proud of you, and if you can't get that, negative attention is still attention.

and those are problems even if someone has the best intentions. it's very easy to fall into patterns that are bad for everybody.

now i have no idea if this is what's happening in the fic. i haven't read it. i don't even know what fic you're talking about. personally, i have complex feelings about dean and his relationship to alcohol (and "recovery"). i also have very complicated feelings about the traditional ideas of addiction and sobriety in general. but i felt compelled to defend the one year rule at least a little bit. i'm not saying it's a perfect rule and should be followed to the letter, but it exists for a reason and that reason is a good one.

[scoobydoodean]

A few more thoughts here:

Sam's soul is being treated as an object it is not

In 6.10, Crowley calls Sam's soul nastier than dirty rags. Cas calls it a "thing". These descriptors objectify the soul. We are extremely familiar with the fact, at this point in the series, that the soul is not a "thing" or an "it". It's not a moldy goddamn sandwich. It's SAM. We have seen Sam as a soul (4.15, 5.16) and he was no less Sam than any other time we saw him. The only difference was what plane he was walking around on. Cas knows this. He knows souls are not "things". Crowley knows this too. Dean also knows. Dean actually knows this on a more recent and personal level than anyone in the room in 6.10 because HIS soul was tortured in hell for decades.

When Dean was a soul being tortured in hell, he was conscious and cognizant of all of it. He was conscious and cognizant of it while it was happening and not just after he got his body back or he wouldn't have broken as a soul in hell the first place. If souls weren't capable of conscious thought and choice and didn't have meaningful experiences as a part of the whole person (which we already know they do because we've SEEN it multiple times), Dean wouldn't have had the capacity to break in hell. People's souls in Supernatural experience the same thoughts and feelings just in a spiritual plane. Sam's soul, in The Cage, is a completely cognizant, thinking, feeling, emoting, choosing part of him that is suffering and that will continue to suffer this same torture for literal eternity. When Sam's body is long decayed and dead and soulless Sam is no more, SAM will still be fully conscious and alive in The Cage (because souls do not ever break) suffering. It isn't a "thing". It's not an "it". It's SAM.

When Cas calls Sam's soul a "mutilated thing", he KNOWS BETTER. He just doesn't WANT to. Cas is using humans (and monsters) as currency and power sources. Thinking of other people's souls as "things" and "its" creates emotional distance for Cas.

This is about mental trauma—not physical damage

Trapped under all this talk about Sam's soul being a piece of tattered garbage, when you work down to the core of it... none of it actually seems to have anything to do with the physical state of Sam's soul?? We'll see if I change my mind on this later. But Death only speaks on the state of Sam's soul after Dean brings it up asking about the damage. Death confirms that Sam's soul is "Flayed to the raw nerve". Okay. But what does that really mean? Because Death also says:

The soul can be bludgeoned, tortured, but never broken. Not even by me.

Okay. So souls are resilient. They can experience terrible pain and be tortured, but they don't break—ever. So then... what's the problem?How do we reconcile these statements?

Death immediately redirects to focusing on Sam's memories of the torture as the problem they actually need to address—not his actual soul's physical state.

Can't erase Sam's hell, but I can...put it behind a wall, if you will. In his mind --a dam to hold back the tide. Nasty, those memories. You don't want to know what they'll do to him. Believe me.

Okay. So this horrible thing that might happen to Sam has nothing to do with the current physical state of his soul or really his soul itself at all? Sam's soul isn't going to puncture like a spicy pillow and turn him into a bomb or some shit. It's that souled Sam is carrying emotional baggage that soulless Sam isn't. That's what all of this boils down to in the end. What is really being said in 6.10 is, “Sam will (possibly) be so traumatized from The Cage that he isn’t worth trying to save from the torture he is actively suffering.”

Note: I do think this entire plot line is ridiculous, because nobody said a damn thing about Dean being too damaged by 30 years of torture on the rack to be reinstalled back in his body and expected to function. Sam is going to be decimated by the memory of a year of torture in The Cage (hold that thought about hell time happening in doggie years) but nobody batted an eye and expected Dean to function like a normal human after 40 with ZERO questions? The lore is not lore-ing. And PLEASE don't tell me some petulant archangel is a better torturer than Alastair. We actually reference Dean's hell trauma and Alastair's absolute status as the king of torture in this very same episode (6.10) between Dean and Meg, so I think we're supposed to make this connection. It's supposed to be on our minds that Alastair—above all—could make anyone mentally break. So I'd easily hand Alastair the edge in terms of torturous creativity when it comes to making souls suffer traumatic experiences. And Dean was brought back from that by Cas so why is Cas specifically suddenly so concerned? The source of Dean’s confusion is very sound. Is Dean traumatized from Hell? Yes. Did Cas still get him out? Yes. Would Dean be better off being on the rack for eternity just because he’s traumatized? No. That makes no sense at all.

wait cas was lying about sam’s soul being too damaged?? i thought death also confirmed that? it’s been a while since i’ve watched s6 so maybe i’m not remembering smth?

Some might prefer the description "Cas is being highly misleading". What I mean moreso is that I don't think Cas actually thought returning Sam's soul was the wrong move despite the risks (and it is always spoken of as "risk" not as fact). His motives when he said that were not what they seem. What first made me start thinking about this is that Cas did a 180 in the middle of 6.10. Soulless Sam prayed, demanding Cas's help finding his soul. Cas agreed to help Sam find his soul because he was concerned about him. He said Sam "needed help". Then midway through the episode, Cas changed his mind and started telling Dean that putting Sam's soul back in is a bad idea. Why did he change his mind?

Two crucially important details emerge here in hindsight:

First, when Cas first agreed to help, he did not know that Sam and Dean's plan was to make Crowley return Sam's soul. He also didn't know they had Meg waiting in the wings to help them torture and kill Crowley. After agreeing to help, Cas finds out they're looking for Crowley—his secret business partner—which is a problem for Cas. However, Sam and Dean have no idea where Crowley is in the beginning so it isn't an issue at first. Sam and Dean ask Cas to do a tracking spell and it doesn't work (is that because Crowley covered his tracks well, or is it because Cas didn't really do the spell because he didn't want them to find Crowley?) It's only after Sam and Dean figure out where Crowley is from Samuel and Meg shows up with her demons (Cas asking, "Why are we working with these abominations?" but underneath, knowing Sam and Dean have serious backup!) and they're all ready to leave for Crowley's lair within the hour, that Cas suddenly says he doesn't think Sam's soul should be put back in.

Second, Cas knows Crowley did not get Sam out of The Cage—HE did. To force Sam and Dean to do his bidding, Crowley lied to Sam and Dean and told them he got Sam out of The Cage and he could throw him back in. This is why Sam and Dean assume they can threaten Crowley into getting Sam's soul out of The Cage. Cas knows Crowley can't get Sam's soul out of The Cage and this is a fruitless mission. Which means when he says "maybe we shouldn't do this because Sam's soul shouldn't be returned" he isn't being honest about the reason he doesn't want them to go. Getting Sam's soul is not a thing that's going to happen at the end of this anyway!!!

So Cas starts the episode wanting to help return Sam's soul, but midway through, when The Winchesters and Meg storming Crowley's lair is imminent, Cas starts saying Sam's soul is a "mutilated thing" that shouldn't be put back.

[lutawolf]

UWMA Soft D/s Moments Ep 9

For those that haven't read my other Until We Meet Again D/s moment reviews. They can be found here.

At this point, Korn and In are together. Dean and Pharm are also officially together at this point, but Dean is also looking into Korn and In because he has become suspicious.

We start the episode off with the picture above. With Korn seemingly trying to decompress but being unsuccessful. He gives a slight huff when In shows up but enjoys the forehead rub. He, however, is completely uncommunicative when In asks what is wrong. This is bad for a D/s relationship and a vanilla relationship. I have to remind myself that Korn is a kid with a lot of stress on his shoulders.

In however, is actually a pretty decent sub. He gently steals a kiss from Korn. His attempt at trying to help Korn's bad mood. He gently teases when Korn asks if he really considers that a kiss. Then Korn flips In over and steals a real kiss. Easily taking over control. There inlays my issue with Korn. He wants control but can't handle the responsibility that comes with it. I get that he is a kid with a lot of stress, but as a Dom myself, this is incredibly frustrating to watch. I now know why I always skipped over them.

Fast forward to Dean finding Pharm in the library. He goes in for a hug, seeking comfort. Which is the complete opposite of who he was as Korn. Now Pharm is concerned about them being in public. That is quickly out of mind and out of sight when Dean tells him he loves him. Dean then holds onto Pharms chin, tilting up for a replying answer.

Dean remembers what he did as Korn. He is angry and upset so he naturally heads towards Pharm. Pharm says, "Can I ask?" This is two things. One being that a more submissive sub will ask permission for invading privacy. Second would be that he learned that lesson from In, because In never asked permission and it would have benefited.

Now, there are some important things to note here. People get the impression that Doms can't be vulnerable. Which is utter bullshit. We are just as human as the next person. It's just more likely that the only person to see it is our sub. My oldest daughter has seen me vulnerable a handful of times, and most of those were panic attacks. Our subs are a whole different story, though. The other thing I want to point out is that he asked. They haven't had a one on one talk about guidelines, so yes, he need to ask permission on anything that would possibly push boundaries.

Contact is extremely important not just to a D/s relationship but also to any relationship. Stress and discomfort can do so much damage to the body. Being touched can actually boost your mental and physical well-being. Touch signals safety and trust. It soothes. Basic nonsexual comfort touch can actually bring down cardiovascular stress. It activates a certain part of the brain, which is intimately involved with our compassionate response, and a simple touch can trigger the release of oxytocin. This stimulates the release of other feel-good hormones, such as dopamine and serotonin, while reducing stress hormones, such as cortisol and norepinephrine. These neurochemical changes make you feel happier and less stressed. This is why cuddle time is such an important part of After Care for a Dom and a sub.

So that's all for this episode. Hope you guys enjoy! 💜💜💜

[glagger-true]

Howdy, dear reader! I'm your host, Glagger, and today I bring you the second installment of my Password visual novel medal analysis.

You already know the drill. I'll be discussing how today's medal is sub-textually connected to the scene it's found in game and characters involved in it. SPOILERS FOR THE NOVEL AHEAD, so please, if you haven't read the novel yet and don't want to be spoiled, leave for now.

Taurus, the medal of Guilt, Promises and Renewed vows:

The second medal found in the game is Taurus. Found underneath a giant pumpkin in the greenhouse by Dave.

In Dean and Sal's routes, Dave trips on the medal after a conversation about how he saved them last night with the vault, what exactly happened and what he saw in it.

In Orlando, Hoss and Roswell's routes, Dave trips on it after a conversation with Tyson about how the wolf's been trying to improve and make friends for the hyena's sake. And says he'll start with Hoss since he's new and asks for advice.

Finally, in Tyson's route, Dave trips on it after an intense conversation about how Tyson needs to speak with him about a serious topic. Dave expresses fear over his behavior and they attempt to hug.

This scene has 4 different variants. Making it the only medal in game with so much variety added to its scene. These multiple variations, its location, and the topics discussed with each character are all fitting with the myths behind the Taurus constellation.

In astrology, Taurus is categorized as the fixed negative earth sign of the zodiac.

Taurus is said to have an unbreakble loyal nature. It's main pursuits are stability, reliability and consistency in everything. They are dedicated and stubborn. Sometimes to the point they refused to let go of unhealtly situations simply because they don't want to accept losing the stability they built.

The planetary ruler of Taurus is Venus. Who represents beauty, love, money, and pleasure.

This influence is said to be responsible for them being the most sensual sign of the zodiac. Not just in the sense of lust or sex, but about any type of luxury. Comfort, pleasure and the security provided by material things are necessities for Taurus. And they love being pampered physically as a result. It's also the reason why this particular sign is so lucky in both love and finances.

In its ancient myths, Taurus is always associated with fertility. Both sexual and fertility of the land. It's tied to sacrifice, the renewal of spring, and warfare. And has many divine and mythological beings associated with it. Every mythology gives Taurus these same concepts.

In astrology, people born under this sign are said to be ambitious, focused, and resilient.

They are very patient and stubborn in both professional and romantic pursuits. And are very loyal and reliable partners and workers. They're devoted and trustworthy, and often reassure their friends and lovers of their commitment to them in whatever way is more effective at the time. They are very much "material girl" types who love luxury, pleasure and material comforts. And are willing to work very hard to support their material habits. They are also easy angered by any threat their stability, security and consistency. And are very cautious with their decisions to ensure they can keep their comforts.

The associations with fertility, sacrifice and renewal of bonds and vows are pretty clear. The medal is hidden in the greenhouse, underneath a giant crop that is going to be sacrificed by the cast so they can spend time together and bond. There's also a relation with the aspect of putting effort to get material rewards to enjoy.

In their variations, Sal and Dean discuss how Dave's caution saved them. They also briefly touch upon the main traumas of their arcs in order to reassure Dave. Exposing guilt over sins that their hearts still can't overcome. Guilt and sins are common attachments to the material world that block people from achieving spiritual and mental happiness in many myths. They also talk about how impractical their attempted murders are. And Sal even offers a better alternative for it, making a connection to the warfare aspects since they are stating how the weapons being used against them are inefficient. Dean also makes a joke about how he deserves a medal for being horny like the bull, making another association to sexual love. Also, Dean's stubborn desire to court Dave romantically is pretty visible in the conversation. Their loyalty, reliability and patience towards Dave despite their doubts, are very taurian traits as well.

In Tyson's neutral conversation we see how his resistance to change and inflexibility are making his journey of self-improvement difficult. He also expresses the need for help while being cautious and practical about how to get there. He acknowledges his past sins make his misson difficult, and decides he'll only give it one shot and back down if his advances are ill received.

Then, in his route exclusive talk, Dave and him have a tense exchange about how they need to have a serious conversation later. This is set in motion thanks to the sin of sexual nature he almost committed against Dave in the previous night. The conversation will reveal he's planning to leave Dave behind and is not sure if he'll ever come back, a cautious move he does out of fear and with the goal to better understand his own desires without causing further problems to Dave.

The way these variations don't really affect the ending results of the scene, seems to be associated with how all myths give Taurus the same meanings. The universal presence of either romantic and/or sexual undertones, security and comfort provided by a material source, and of finding a valuable item by pure luck, is also very on theme for Taurus and it's ruler.

Finally, Craig mentions in the cosmic medal analysis that Flora hid the medal under the pumpkin specifically so that It would be surrounded by its element. Where it would patiently stay undisturbed until found. Making another association with the fixed modality of the medal.

Banner made by Xernok on Discord.

Artworks made by https://twitter.com/mrjosh47 and https://twitter.com/terrantitanium on Twitter respectively.

[weepinglevi]

patience is a virtue

summary: college!au. all aged up. eren and reader continue with their sexual escapades. find part one here! warnings: 18+ minors dni. dirty text messages, dirty talk. dom!eren and bratty reader (i suppose?). throat fucking and semi-public sex. (no p in v tho) word count: around 3.5k A/N: i have a love/hate relationship with this eren ahaha, he's been ruling my brainrot ever since the last part so i hope you enjoy! there will be a part three eventually, so be on the lookout for that! enjoy your read and feedback is greatly appreciated! xx

you awake to your phone vibrating somewhere next to you. the hope of it only being a one-time occurrence quickly proven to be false as it just wouldn't stop. brr-brr. a second of silence. brr-brr. pause. brr-brr.

taking a mental note to never go to sleep again without turning off your phone, you roll over to your other side and try to ignore it. you could simply answer the texts, but that meant you'd have to open your eyes. and that whoever was texting you would win this weird battle you've just come up with in your head.

"if you don't pick up your goddamn phone, i'll smack you over the head with it," sasha groans from the other side of your shared dorm, words coming slurry with her tiredness.

brr-brr.

"i could also stick it up your ass, your decision," a pillow comes flying to your head, serving as enough of a warning for you to sit up in your bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

"quit moaning, i'll turn it off now," you yawn, feeling around your bed for your phone, "you never hear me complaining about the shit you do in the middle of the night."

"that's because my shit is funny and not fucking annoying," she scoffs, followed by a muted thump as she is sinking back down into her pillows. sasha's way of ending the conversation.

you find your phone half-tucked underneath your pillow, the display already lighting up again. someone is desperate for attention, you think to yourself and unlock your phone with an annoyed sigh. the messages were coming from an unknown number.

thinking about your wet pussy. this is eren, btw. historia gave me your number. i told her you wouldn't mind you don't mind, do you?

in a matter of seconds, your heart is beating in your throat once more, just like this afternoon in that godforsaken computer lab. ears growing hot at his words, you could almost imagine the sound of him laughing at you again. with trembling fingers, you scroll down further.

anyway, let's do it again sometime i told you. i'll never let you forget about how you moaned my name i'm also not forgetting about how badly i want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours, so it's a win-win see ya, then

staring down at your phone, you don't know if you should answer him. and even if you would answer his texts, what the hell should you say? "fucking bastard," the words escaping your mouth before even realizing that you'd better keep quiet. the only thing that could make this situation any worse was if sasha were to wake up again.

scratch that, you think as you see eren's new messages.

how badly do you want to suck my cock? you looked really hot today, covered in my cum what, you're shy again?

there are two ways this could go: either you stand up, put on some clothes, and then go to eren's dorm to let hell rain upon him - or simply mute your phone and ignore him. deciding to go with the latter, you lie back down and save his number as "fuckhead", a small grin forming on your face. if he wants to be childish, then you can be, too.

the display still lighting up at a steady pace, you have to fight the urge to open his other messages. to physically prevent yourself from grabbing your phone again, you put your hands between your thighs and sigh. what the hell have i gotten myself into?

"so, who am i gonna have to teach some manners today?", sasha asks in the morning, "because there are only two valid reasons for sending that many texts in the middle of the night," she sits up in her bed and bends over to reach for her phone, "either someone's dead or there's a food sale."

cringing at the thought of having to read the countless other messages eren has sent throughout the night, you try to laugh at her comment, "of course, when there's food involved, you're all for it."

"girl's gotta eat," she claims, thankfully being too distracted by something on her phone to notice your strange behavior, "i'm gonna be back later than usual today, connie wants me to be his wingman again."

starting to go off on a tangent about how connie should just get a dating app already, sasha's words become more of background noise to you. you want to know what he wrote. what he has in store for you. at the same time, you curse yourself out. you're turning into a headless chicken and all of it because of eren fucking yeager?

you nod here and there, offering her a "yes" at what you believe to be fitting moments, desperately hoping she doesn't catch up on your restlessness. all the while the two of you are getting ready for the day. this goes on for a few more minutes and you have no clue what she's talking about now, so you decide to grab your phone and stand up.

"i'm gonna go for a run around campus, you want coffee?" you blurt out, interrupting her monologue. the device in your hand feels as if it's burning through your skin. slipping into your trainers, you're already halfway out the room, her perplexed "uh- yes, please," being muffled by the door closing behind you.

it's still warm outside - not as hot as yesterday, but warm enough for you to be glad to have forgotten your cardigan earlier. you let out a deep breath, trying to clear your mind. even though you told sasha you'd be out for a run, you walk at a slow pace.

some people are already wandering around campus, most of them on their way to a lecture. at this time in the morning, everyone has their heads full with their own worries so no one notices you slowly making your way off-campus.

arriving at a little park surrounded by trees, you sit down on the bench farest off. you notice your heart fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird when pulling the phone out of your back pocket. fuck him, you think once again while typing in your code. fuck him for making me feel this way.

12 unread messages.

didn't seem all too shy when i had my hand wrapped around your throat no need to play hard to get when i already had you if that makes sense? haven't fucked you yet doesn't mean i won't get to fuck you

all you want is to feel appalled by these messages. to screenshot them and send them to the dean. maybe even to his mother. sickened with yourself though, you already feel the familiar warmth creeping up your body, curling up in your abdomen.

i know you want it, too how fucking needy you were for me getting yourself off in public to the thought of me maybe you can tell me what exactly you were thinking of? gonna make sure to let your dreams come true, princess

pet names? you clench your fist at the thought of eren leaning over you, breathing the word princess into your ear. you have an inkling that he'd say it mockingly; spitting it out whilst gathering your hair in a ponytail, arching your back forcefully, and slamming his length into you without mercy.

no. you hate pet names. at least, you've always hated them.

i'm gonna find out if you're ignoring me right now remember, you're not the best actress. fucking suck at it, actually wouldn't want to be punished now, would we?

his last message echoed in your head. still coming to terms with the fact of what happened yesterday, now you have to deal with a whole new revelation: eren yeager being a cocky motherfucker pushing all the right buttons for you. even though you want to blast his ass for this, the mere thought of him being near you again is too sweet of an imagination.

you want to play this game, too. for whatever reason keep on riding this high, and you just know that no one could do it quite as well as eren can. somehow you can only imagine taking him on this ride with you, no one else.

so, in that manner you decide to ignore his messages. if he's desperate enough to keep on sending them in the middle of the night, you're sure it won't be long until he sends another text. and it would give him enough reason to try and punish you, whatever that might entail – you're excited to find out. fucking nervous, too. but then again, who wouldn't be?

you stand up and put your phone in your back pocket, a sense of excitement surrounding your steps as you turn left to make your way to the nearest coffee shop.

"something tells me you're ignoring me," of course, the moment eren's voice comes up behind you, you fucking flinch like a little bird that's been scared away, "mostly because i've seen you reading the messages, but what do i know?"

you turn to see him clutching his heart dramatically, "don't play with my feelings like this," he swoons, bringing one hand to his forehead. he's laughing again, all white teeth and bright smiles – you realize this is the kind of eren you rarely get to see. not the cocky bastard he normally portrays; right now, he seems to be a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, just enjoying himself. still, you want to show him that you can play just as well as he can.

crossing your arms in front of your chest, you slightly raise a brow, trying your hardest to not look as nervous as you feel. it's a lost cause though because you can already feel the tips of your ears glowing with heat again. can't things go my way for once? just once? you think and chew the inside of your cheek. you felt so sure of yourself just moments ago. how the hell can he have this sort of effect on you?

suddenly, his whole demeanor changes. before, he seemed laid-back, entertained by the game he played with you. now he leans forward, hands in the pockets of his jacket and an almost cruel smile forming on his lips, "don't try to challenge me in this. you'll lose."

you know that you should feel frightened. terrified, even. he's looking like a lion preparing to jump the antelope, a sense of alarming calmness around him that's causing the small hairs on your neck to stand up. but alas, the way he's looking at you seems to have the same effect on you his scent has.

"i told you not to ignore me," eren says and takes a few steps closer to you, "yet here you are, doing it again." the chuckle leaving his lips a stark contrast to his stern gaze, still trained on you. somehow, you feel awfully small again - still not frightened, though. you stare right back at him, tilting your head slightly as if you wanted to say "so what?"

"are you seriously that desperate to be punished?"

better now than never, you think and once again place a courtly smile on your lips, "seems like it."

for a split second, you see eren's smug look turn into a genuine smile. realizing that you're up for his game, he lets out a smooth whistle, "you do surprise me."

"if you wouldn't always be so full of yourself, i'm sure you'd have recognized this sooner," you can feel the confidence growing in yourself again. clinging on to it, you take a step toward him, "i'm full of surprises."

"oh, yeah? i bet you are," from the corner of your eye, you can see him lifting his hand. before thinking twice about it, you bat it away, "i'm not one for public displays of affection."

oh, it is on– eren's smirk turns into a full-fledged grin as he takes a grip of your wrist, "you sure about that?" lifting your hand to his face, for a short moment you think he's going to suck on your fingers again. but all he does is place a faint kiss on the back of your hand, "didn't seem like it yesterday."

"you weren't supposed to see."

"but i'm so glad i did," he leans forward, the two of you standing so close you can feel his breath on your face, "or else we wouldn't have this kind of fun right now."

still having a hold of your hand, he lifts his other to your jaw, gently tracing his thumb across your lower lip, "you looked so pretty in your skirt yesterday."

taking a leap of faith, you grab his hand, holding it in place and letting your tongue run across the tip of his thumb before biting down playfully. there's a hiss and then eren pulls away and grabs your arm, "come with me."

finally, you think and let him guide you to wherever he wants, let's have some fun, then.

on your way out of the park, you pass jean and marco. even though they stand to greet eren, he just raises his hand whilst not breaking his pace, "gotta go, have an assignment to work on."

"never seen you that determined, but go off," jean laughs.

before you know it, you're inside one of the countless maintenance sheds. pushing you against the wall, eren's movements seem to become more and more erratic by the second. pinning your arms over your head, he's looking down at you, breathing heavily. "you have no idea what you just got yourself into," licking his lips, he chuckles.

"oh, but i think i actually do," you smile innocently, fucking glad to have found your normal self again. admittedly, eren threw you off your game since yesterday – but it's just going to play into your hands now. he won't see it coming until it's hitting him straight in the face; that you're just as messed up as he seems to be.

"then prove it," he breathes against your ear, "tell me how badly you want it."

the stuffy air inside the dimly lit shed doesn't help with keeping eren's scent away from you. being so close to him, looking up into his shadowed face and right into his dilated eyes; you're like putty in his hands. you try to move forward, to touch him in some way because you just know that he'll feel so good under your skin.

"now now, princess," he moves even closer, wedging you between himself and the wall, "how about we learn some patience, first?"

you nod, but then grind up against his thigh, hissing through your teeth, "i worry i'll be a real handful." you know you could very well move your hands, too – eren seems to still be testing the waters as to how far he can go with you. but with him actually letting you grind on him; you decide to play into his hands.

your breaths grow quicker as you keep on, pace becoming erratic. all you want is to get rid of your track pants – come to think of it, what you actually want is eren under you whilst you continuously bounce on his cock. you want to hear him call you princess and immediately after call you his little whore because that's exactly what you are.

eren has a little smile on his lips and you know you should ask yourself why – because you're doing exactly what he has forbidden you to do – but you're too far gone. the heat growing, you feel your knees buckle but he's holding you up; one hand now resting on your waist for support. you're so close –

and then he pulls away from you, nearly causing you to topple over. chest heaving, you place your hands on your knees for balance, "what the fuck was – "

"patience is a virtue," interrupting you with a laugh, but his voice heavy with lust, "thought i might give you a lesson you're ought to remember."

you look up to see eren palming his erection through his pants, standing about an arm's length away from you, "but i have to admit, hearing you getting yourself off is fucking hot."

biting your teeth together, you straighten up and take a step toward him – only for him to click his tongue in disapproval, "you're gonna stay right there," tugging at his pants he raises his eyebrow, "i told you what i want, get on your knees for me."

"the fuck i will," you spit out and make a move again, grasping for his waistband. but eren is quick to take a hold of your hand and pushes you back to the wall, "come on, now, princess," he chuckles but his eyes are concentrated at you, "you want this, don't you?". he's asking for permission, the thought feeling very comforting to you. and also, very excited for what's about to come.

"of course, i do," you answer him earnestly, resting the back of your head against the wall, "or else i wouldn't be here."

"fantastic," he breathes, a little smile playing in the corners of his mouth, "then get down on your knees," placing his hands on your shoulders, weighing you down, "i won't ask again."

the change of tone in his voice has you nodding, slowly sinking onto your knees, you're bursting in anticipation. one hand finally pulling down his pants, he runs his other through your hair, then down your jaw until it comes to rest on your chin.

thumbing at your lower lip, he groans "do i have to be careful?"

you just shake your head no. then you break away from his gaze, fixing your eyes on the bobbing cock in front of you. it's tip leaking with precum already, you remember how badly you wanted to lick it away yesterday.

taking his cock at its base, you bend forward and slide your tongue around its head. the salty taste sending shudders down your spine, you make sure to lift your eyes again once you prepare to take it all down your throat. your other hand snakes up to his balls, slightly tugging them which earns you a moan from eren, and fuck, you're so wet at the sound alone, you let go of his cock and slide one hand down to your own center.

he gathers your hair in one hand, taking the base of his throbbing cock in the other, "bet this is what you thought of yesterday," he slowly but surely pulls your head in closer, "of how i fuck the words right out of you."

bucking your hips into your own hand, you can do nothing but whimper at his words. because yes, this is exactly what you imagined. he's only halfway in and you're already struggling to breathe, but not wanting him to stop you hold your breath and push down even further; trying desperately not to moan.

the tears in your eyes causing your vision to be blurry, you attempt to blink them away.

"shit – ", he's pumping into you now, rubbing the tears from your cheeks and then placing both his hands on your head, "you're doing so well – "

getting lost in his words, the fear of being caught is so far away; you finally moan around his cock. saliva soaking the hem of his shirt, you can't seem to take his whole length, no matter how hard you try. you're a fucking mess under him and the thought alone is nearly sending you over the edge.

he's trying to pull away now and you know he's close, so you snake your hand around his hip, hoping this is enough of a sign to him that if he dared to cum anywhere else than down your throat, you'd bite him.

"you really – " his voice is hoarse, "fuck – this is fucking perfect," he moans as he comes to the realization. leaning his arm against the wall behind you, he's fucking himself into your mouth, his panting and the sound of your choking filling the room.

you close your eyes to blink the tears away again, but eren pulls on your hair, "no – look at me."

with this the knot in your belly explodes, leaving you holding on to eren's hip as you ride the waves of electricity that are running through your body like lava.

"such a good little whore – " he's gone as well, holding your head in place as he's pumping his load down your throat, leaving you no other option than to swallow – which you eagerly do. you feel his legs shaking under your hands.

once again, eren hands you his shirt to clean your face. this time, you take it with a smile, noting that, "i still have your other one."

"don't worry, i'll come get it sometime when sasha's away," the two of you know exactly what this means – neither of you are planning on this to be over anytime soon.

"i'll let you know, then," you nod and stand up, hoping you don't look as well-fucked as you feel, and make your way to the door, "she's gone most of the time."

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[underthebednotebook]

Someone mind telling me why there hasn't been a Pacific Rim Wincest AU yet?

If you think about drift compatible, it is about having a neural connection and physical compatibility. Mentally and physically you have to be in sync with another person and being able to enter a neural handshake in order to drift--meaning letting another person into your head with no barriers so that you become one with your Jaeger.

TELL ME RIGHT NOW THAT DEAN AND SAM WOULDN'T BE THE BEST GODDAMN FIGHTERS IN THIS UNIVERSE.

Highest records of Kaiju taken down, highest battles won, being able to fight both in the ocean and in the land with minimal casualties (thanks to Sammy handling Dean's most combative attitude) and receiving the love and praise of everybody in the United States because they are representing the little cities with their Jaeger Dorothy Hellride.

And Dean would be so smug about it too. During the drift compatibility tests he makes a big show of fighting cadet after cadet, person after person and even go so far as to judge their moves while they are fighting and telling them that they are fighting like pretty boys just let out of the bunkers only to throw a fighting stick at Sam and asking the people if they want to see how it is done.

Sam, maybe dipping his toes into Jaeger tech and running the exams, shakes his head and rolls his eyes but decides that maybe it would be good to show them what two partners with drift compatibility look like. And so Sam and Dean talk, talk with their arms and their movements and the way they keep trying to pin each other down, until a machine shrills behind them telling them their compatability score.

97%, a nearly perfect match.

That just brings a smile to Dean's face and goes over to hug Sam and pull him downwards to ruffle his hair but Sam isn't happy at all. All of these just serve as reminders for something he can't have or he can't want. All these constant things in his life about how he and Dean are perfect for each other, one in the same, practically the same person.

It drives him insane.

So imagine one day they are doing a routine check up, keeping Dorothy Hellride (or as Dean likes to call her 'baby') in tip top shape and Dean is ready to start the neural handshake with a wink and a smile to his baby bro but his smile falters when he sees Sam look away from him.

Weird.

But the neural handshake is starting out as it usually does and Dean can't help but feel comfortable with the feeling. It's just him and Sam in here. Nobody else belongs in this space but just them. Memories just pop up as if he is driving through them. Him sneaking into Sam's crib and sleeping with him. Sam and him running through the rain sharing only one flannel. The night John and Mary died, Jaeger fight gone wrong, and Dean and Sam were sitting alone inside of Dorothy and Dean vowing to protect his baby brother from anything with the Jaeger their mom and Dad left--

And then nothing.

Dean opens his eyes and his head snaps to meet Sam.

Darkness meant that the connection was being blocked, that there was a wall in one of their heads. There is something that Sammy doesn't want him to see. He calls out to his brother and Sam just shakes his head, not knowing what is happening and Dean's voice gets louder asking for an explanation, Sam's voice gets louder saying that he doesn't know what's going on either, everything around them is just screeching that there is something wrong that has never happened before and Dean feels so hurt and so ANGRY because where the hell did this side of Sammy that he doesn't know, understand, possess came from--!

The test is kaput and Dean feels the worst he's ever felt, begging Sam to just talk to him about this sudden wall and that he promised he would protect him from anything but he can't protect him from something he doesn't know.

He probably feels even worse when Sam is nowhere to be seen the day after, leaving behind a note saying that he is going off to study more about the tech at another branch.

[to-boldly-nope]

No Matter What (Castiel x Demon!Reader)

!!!Warning: suicide attempt, insecure thoughts!!! Please do not read below the cut if you are uncomfortable. If you need to talk about anything please let me know

Plot: When you made a deal with a crossroad demon, you offered your human life to save the boys. When you finally return from Hell, you fear to go back home. 

Words: >994

GIF is not mine

You never wanted to end up this way, you were human at one point in time. You were a friend of the Winchesters and dated their friend and angel Castiel, but once you ended up in Hell it was over. It was all because you made a deal with a crossroads demon to save your friends and yourself in the long run, but it came with a price like any other demon deal.

After being stuck in Hell for three years, you were allowed to leave, but you didn't go back home. You knew that if Sam, Dean, and Cas found out then there would be a likely chance of them hurting or maybe even killing you, so you didn't go back and you probably won't.

You rolled over in the motel bed, wondering where to go next. You didn't have the money for food (even though you didn't need it anymore, you ate it to not raise suspicion) and barely had enough to pay for the room. You just wanted to be back home doing research with Sam or eating pie with Dean or just cuddling with Cas in your room. You missed all of it and it was your fault that can't go back. It was your decisions and your thoughts that refused you to let you go back to them.

You got out of the bed and walked over to the little kitchenette area and pulled the switchblade from your pocket and grabbed the little salt shaker. You poured water on the end of the blade and put salt on it, making it stick. You aimed your knife at your heart and went for it, but never made contact with your skin. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the beige trenchcoat, and the tears you didn't know you were holding back began to fall.

Castiel didn't say anything as your knees buckled and you fell to the floor. He heard the news from both the angels and the demons but he wasn't sure if he believed it when he saw the tears roll down your face.

"(Y/N)?"

"Get away from me!" You sobbed. "Please, just go away."

"Come back home," Cas said softly while kneeling  beside you, "we won't do anything to harm you."

"No, no," you whimpered while shaking your head in denial. "You're gonna say that and then I'm gonna show up and you're gonna hurt me."

"(Y/N)," Cas repeated while putting his hand on your shoulder, making you flinch back, "we won't hurt you. We know you haven't done anything to hurt anyone. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Cas seemed to be reading your mind. You knew all the Winchester's plans and schemes and you knew that they probably followed Cas and had their salt guns and exorcisms ready. You saw Cas shake his head, "No, they're not with me, they're at Bobby's. I haven't told them anything."

"Bobby's place is laced with traps and you know that. It'll hurt me if I even go near there so that's why I'm not going back. I don't deserve to go back and I don't deserve to be loved either. Demons can't be loved or feel love, what makes me so different from the rest of the demons? Is it because I was a human before? Is that what makes me so different?"

Cas grabbed your hand and it hurt you, not physically, but mentally. "You think you being a demon makes any difference? I tried everything to get you back even knowing the consequences of your deal. I tried breaking it, I tried to offer myself instead, I tried going after you, but nothing worked. Sam and Dean tried everything too, we've all been worrying for the past three years. We all want you home with us. I still love you, (Y/N).”

It was funny to you. You watched him smite demons without hesitation but he wouldn't dare hurt you and that just made you so mad. You wanted him to do the right thing, something a hunter would naturally do. He's an angel and you're a demon and it wasn't right!

He pulled you into and held you. You felt yourself begin to cry again as you held onto his coat to the point where your fists shook and your knuckles turned white. Only Castiel could see the humanity left in you and you wanted to yell at him for it. Only he can be so naïve.

He placed a kiss on your head and you felt yourself relax. For once in weeks you've finally relaxed. You did want to go home, get out of this dirty motel room, and into some new clothes.

"Maybe we can go home," you told Cas quietly. "But how are we going to tell Sam, Dean, and Bobby?"

"They all assumed this would happen, I don't think they would be very upset."

You gave a soft nod as you finally let go of him and wiped your tears away. "Will you take me home?"

"Of course, (Y/N)."

~

{BONUS}

You and Cas looked at each other before walking into Bobby's. You forgot what the house looked like. You stepped onto the rug and stopped because of the devil's trap.

"(Y/N)?" Sam asked, making sure it was you. You nodded and his smile grew. "Dean! Bobby! (Y/N)'s back!"

The three of them came up to you, very happy to see you. Sam was the first one to hug you, slightly picking you up and making you laugh. Dean scruffed up your hair and welcomed you home. Bobby gave you a soft smile and patted your shoulder.

"I-uh-I'm sure you all assumed what happened," you started, "and it's correct, sadly, but I promise I won't-"

"You want out of the trap or not?" Bobby asked, making you nod. He pulled out his knife and raised the rug, scratching a little bit of paint off. You stepped foot outside the trap and inhaled. "Welcome back, kid."

[finaledenialist]

I'm the anon who sent in the ask about trans!cas.  Saw your answer and figured I would elaborate a bit:

First of all: Yeah, this probably falls under the category of 'this is my headcanon and I don't care' because when I think about it to hard, my reasoning isn't all that sound.  But honestly WHO THE HELL CARES?!

That being said, welcome to my TedTalk:

Obviously, the show makes it very clear that all the angels are essentially agender, since gender is a human construct and they are 'celestial wavelengths of intent'.  They also don't seem to have preferences when it comes to the gender of their vessels the way demons seem to (for example, Meg states at one point while possessing Sam that she prefers to posses women.  Although I guess this could be because all the demons in spn were once human, which means they would have a gender identity from their past life, which maybe doesn't make it an equal comparison, but idk that's another discussion).

We see Cas using a female vessel in the Lily Sunder flashbacks and we see Raphael use both a male and a female vessel and while this is questioned by humans, it's presented as perfectly normal for the angles.  So clearly this switching genders isn't a big deal for angles in general because they don't really care about human gender identity, they are mostly concerned with the practicality of finding a vessel that can a) contain them and b) give consent.  The vessel is just that, a vessel, a mode of transportation.

BUT my argument is basically that the more human Cas becomes (not just physically like in s9 or the end of s5 but like mentally and emotionally human) the more he identifies with Jimmy's body and eventually views it as his. 

And I can't help but think that he is aware of Dean's issues with sexualities other than StraightTM, and that he might have a better chance of getting with dean if he was in a female vessel.

But he stays with Jimmy's body because it becomes his body, it's the way he wants to present himself, it's what feels right.  Even if it might make his love life more difficult in some ways.  Even if it wouldn't make sense to the other angels because it goes against their 'nature'.

And I think that just kind of works out to make Cas (an individual who was assigned a certain identity by his society only to later discover that there is another identity that fits him better) transgender.  At the very least, I think it makes for a good metaphor. 

I'm getting really tired but I hope that makes some sense.

.

.

.

(But I could also see where someone would say that he's just more comfortable in Jimmy's body because he's been using it for so long, or it's what sam and dean are used to so that's what he sticks with, or maybe he can't leave Jimmy's body since all the stuff with being killed and reassembled multiple times and becoming human, or that maybe there isn't another compatible vessel.  But this is where we come back to the 'first of all' because really idgaf its my headcanon let me have my fun 🤷🏼‍♀️)

EVERYONE WAKE UP TRANS!CAS MANIFESTO JUST DROPPED

the way that everything you said makes perfect sense to me and this is what i thought when i think about cas and his vessel but i just didn’t apply it to trans headcanons because, well, i am obviously blind to that narrative, but it makes perfect sense as in: he chooses this vessel to be his more then any vessel he had before. for me it’s like. it’s about choosing what you want to be and what you are, what you truly are, and what you are comfortable to be and why this would completely apply to this headcanon and honestly i had nothing more to add!!! i think we agree here?! <333 thanks for this ted talk this was enlightningt!! 

(edit: i hope the Anon sees this but I am literally sending you flowers for this essay in my inbox <333 i just want you to know that!!!!!!)

[septembersghost]

Hi I have a question for you if you don’t mind, can you please tell me what your thoughts are on famine not able to affect Dean? And if you please can put it in the tags so I will be able to find it. But if you don’t wanna talk about no problem sorry to bother you. I’m just having a hard time understanding why he not hungry for anything. Thanks

you’re not a bother at all (and I never mind talking about my boy)! I know there’s been a lot of examination and meta written about this over the past decade, probably much more in-depth and better than what I can even give you right now, and of course there are very different interpretations of what it means, as well (you’re watching Supernatural), but I’m going to tell you the way that I’ve always perceived it, and hope it helps! (apologies ahead of time if I get anything wrong, I just saw S5 in December and my memory should be sharper than this, but I don't trust my foggy brain.)

the first three Horsemen we meet have very simplistic views of humanity. (Death does not to the same extent, because Death is very different from his brethren, as Death is not inherently malicious, in the way that War/Famine/Pestilence are. the others are plagues, Death merely is, as death is an aspect of life). they mentally and physically have the power to affect those around them, but they can’t truly grasp what makes people unique, what makes people tick. thus when we see Famine, he’s triggered what are mainly base instincts - cravings and enticements, which we see exhibited primarily as sex and food (and, in Sam’s case, addiction - demon’s blood). an unquenchable desire for things that people have been denying themselves.

Dean tells us, very straightforwardly:

“Hey, when I want to drink, I drink. When I want sex, I go get it. Same goes for a sandwich or a fight.”

Dean doesn’t intentionally deprive himself of those basic needs (the kids we see in lust and then attacking each other have been “waiting,” Cas doesn’t need to eat but Jimmy’s vessel suddenly is ravenous for meat, Sam is forced into seeking a high with the additional dangerous power we understand that gives him), so Dean tells Cas he’s not well-adjusted, but rather “well-fed.” and then Famine has that infamous speech.

FAMINE: “How you could even walk in my presence?”

DEAN: “Well, I like to think it's because of my strength of character.”

FAMINE: “I disagree. Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.”

DEAN: “Oh, you're so full of crap.”

FAMINE: “Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already dead.”

now, personally I believe this is an oversimplification of the situation, but Famine can’t comprehend what Dean has been through or why he’s struggling. keep in mind this is the latter half of S5. Dean’s barely even a year past hell (that's if there was a September in between, otherwise it would be much less than that. the timeline in SPN was a bit elastic). the torture, the suffering, the trauma of that is still weighing heavily on him. the guilt of it, the horror of breaking the first seal. the knowledge of being the Michael sword, the perfect vessel. he has gone through unfathomable torment and is deeply depressed - a theme that continues through to him being essentially suicidal until Sam’s belief in him and his own defiance breaks through in Point of No Return. he’s feeling helpless and hopeless in their effort to stop the apocalypse, and the fight keeps getting harder. his own ethos of having choices and going down swinging is starting to seem hollow, and there’s something in him that’s fractured, that has been since he came back from hell, when the pain was so unbearable that he wished he couldn't feel anything at all.

there have been people who’ve posited that he craves numbness, oblivion, at this point, and I don’t perceive it that way, either - it’s that what he craves is not physical, so Famine has no ability to impact it. Famine can’t provide him hope, or faith, or safety, or love. Famine can’t give him healing or ease his depression/ptsd. Famine can’t fix things and suddenly make everything with Sam right, or put Lucifer back in his cage. anything Dean wants at that point in time is untouchable. what Famine sees as a hole of nothingness, as him being dead inside, is grief and longing that can’t be easily mended or fulfilled. Dean is exhausted and desperate for a relief that can’t be found in a burger or a bed. keep in mind that Dark Side of the Moon is only two episodes later, and we see the remnants of hope he has there that God might give a damn about what’s happening to them burn out:

DEAN: “So he’s just going to sit back and watch the world burn?”

JOSHUA: “I know how important this was to you, Dean. I’m sorry."

DEAN: “Forget it. Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right? I’m used to that. I’ll muddle through.”

JOSHUA: “Except… you don’t know if you can, this time. You can’t kill the Devil, and you’re losing faith, in yourself, your brother, and now this?”

Sam looks at Dean. He’s realizing just how desperate and depressed Dean really is.

JOSHUA: “God was your last hope. I just… I wish I could tell you something different.”

Famine can’t connect him to God, either - there’s nothing Famine can wield against him.

Dean also struggles repeatedly with a loss of agency, long before hell (from the moment he carries Sam out of the fire, this exists), but certainly persisting in a much more suffocating way afterwards, and at the point of My Bloody Valentine, he’s having to consider playing puppet for heaven, giving himself over bodily to an archangel. imagine the scope of that after having been relentlessly tortured in hell, realizing that yet again your body isn’t your own, what’s inflicted upon you may be beyond your control in ways that will be awash with blood (the potential death of millions of innocents in the apocalypse, in this case, something that is anathema to who Dean is, considering four episodes earlier, when asked, “is there a quota? how many people do you have to save?” he replies, “all of them.”). that blackness may feel like an empty space to Famine, but it’s actually a vastness, full of hurt and sublimation and longing. it’s far from the fact that he’s “already dead” - the depth of that depression and those psychological scars certainly can feel like endless nothingness, but we see that it isn’t when Dean reignites his courage and will in the beautiful room with Zachariah. the resilience of Dean’s heart is always so much more than even he often realizes, but he has to get to a place where he’s able to hold onto that inner capacity again.

tl;dr basically, Dean IS hungry, but his hunger isn’t of the body, it’s of the soul, and due to what Dean has specifically experienced, that’s too delicate and too far beyond the comprehension of a being like Famine, who can recognize the soul, but is unable to understand the way Dean's human reactions like guilt and compassion are affecting him, and this leaves him beyond reach.