#and he bitches constantly about me having to handle two departments 'because it's not doing a service to us'

[profoundbondfanfic]

Do you have any recs for Reallyyy long fics? Like 200-300k+ words? That isn't 91W... avoiding that one because I feel like it will hurt me... preferably fix-its? Oh and no a/b/o pls :) thanksss

Here are a few:

Angel's Wild by riseofthefallenone (Explicit, 389k words)

But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels. Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right? That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.

Bitch Better Have My Money by Duckyboos (Explicit, 256k words)

How Dean Winchester - mechanic, shitty cook, single father - became the power behind the throne in one of the biggest crime syndicates in the Midwest.

Computer Safety Verse by followthattardis (Explicit, 232k words)

On the day of his 29th birthday, Dean receives an email from his old nemesis: Michael Milton, the guy who got him kicked out of college and stole his girlfriend. The email contains encoded images with top secret CIA/NSA intelligence – and now their only copy is in Dean’s brain. Both agencies send their best operatives – Castiel Novak and Victor Henriksen respectively – to handle their accidental asset and protect the invaluable data in his head. To justify their sudden appearance in Dean’s life, they adopt covers: Victor as Dean’s new co-worker and neighbor, Cas as his new boyfriend. Needless to say, Dean’s brother and his girlfriend are thrilled to see him in a relationship they believe to be real. Clearly, there’s no way this could go wrong.

Four Letter Word For Intercourse by bendingsignpost (Explicit, 228k words)

As a grease monkey turned college freshman, Dean's constantly three seconds away from being stressed out of his mind. It hardly helps that he's finally figuring out his sexuality in his thirties. What might help with that stress is a little phone number (and a big credit card bill). If he can't figure out how to be bisexual in person, he can at least give it a go over the phone, right? (It's probably a bad idea, but he really can't help himself.)

Light me up by tricia_16 (Explicit, 218k words)

Five years after participating in a life-changing threesome with his then-girlfriend and her friend Cas, Dean's single, comfortably bisexual, and has everything he's ever wanted except for that special someone to share his life with. When tragedy strikes, he and Cas are reunited in an unexpected way, and a split-second decision entangles their lives in ways neither of them could have predicted…

Not Part of the Plan by Annie D (scaramouche) (Explicit, 337k words)

Castiel's spent most of his adult life keeping his head down and staying out of trouble. This is a deliberate choice on his part, because as a cousin of the King, he'd rather stay unimportant and forgotten. This changes abruptly when King Michael decides that he has a better use for Castiel: he is to be wed to a noble member of the neighboring Republic, as part of an agreement between their two nations. Castiel knows he has to obey, but that doesn't mean he won't rebel in what small ways he can. Unexpectedly, his actions end up having far-reaching consequences.

one million fires burning by dothraki_shieldmaiden (Explicit, 248k words)

Dean Winchester teaches three classes a day, tutors after school, and chairs the English Department for Lawrence High School. He does enough. Unfortunately, his boss doesn't feel the same and informs him that he has a new job: co-coaching the school's trivia team. His co-coach? None other than the school's golden boy, Castiel Milton. Who Dean can't stand, for various reasons, all of which are valid, thank you very much. And the fact that Dean can't stop talking about the stick up Cas's, sorry, Milton's ass? Completely irrelevant.

Redux by emmbrancsxx0 (Explicit, 386k words)

Dean Winchester is dead. For decades, he, along with Castiel and Sam, has led a peaceful afterlife in heaven. He has everything he’s ever wanted: a home, his family and friends surrounding him, and a relationship with Cas—and he’s bored as hell. Until, one day, Chuck escapes heaven’s lock up and begins capturing souls to regain power. To stop him, Jack sends Dean, Cas, and Sam back to Earth. After so long away from hunting, will they be able to once again find their place in the family business?

Talk Some Sense To Me (Kenopsia) by ImYourHoneyBee (Explicit, 244k words)

Scrambling to his knees Castiel hugs back, burying his face in Dean’s neck, breath coming in fast little pants against his skin. Dean closes his eyes and just breathes him in, barely able to believe that this is real. At any other time in his life, closing his eyes against a threat like Death would be an inexcusable lapse in his hunter’s judgement. Right now, he doesn’t give a single fuck. Death can reap him for all he cares, he’ll die knowing Cas is going to be ok. Alive. “I will see you soon, Dean,” Death tells him, that deliberate voice of his soft enough not to intrude on the intimacy of the moment, “Raincheck on that grilled cheese.” “Thank you,” Dean croaks, propping his chin up on Cas’s shoulder, unmindful of the tears trickling down his cheeks, “Thank you.”

The Closest Thing We Have To Magic by EllenOfOz, TrenchcoatBaby (Explicit, 221k words)

Dean Winchester is a graduate student at Stanford University’s School of the Occult. A naturally-talented mage but a lazy professor and student, he figures he’ll coast through his final year the way he always has: with charisma, charm, and a natural aptitude for magic. All that changes when his thesis advisor, Dr. Castiel Novak, turns out to be the strictest and most challenging educator on-campus. Unfortunately for Dean, the uptight professor is nearly his age and infuriatingly gorgeous. But Castiel is keeping a secret, a powerful talent that’s more a curse than a blessing when he’s targeted by seditious parts of magical society. Can Dean and Cas put aside their animosity—and undeniable chemistry—long enough to instill real change in the magical community? Or will sinister plots and hidden agendas keep them apart?

To Build a Home by intothesilentland (Mature, 383k words)

Twenty-three years of head-over-heels, devastating devotion and love, love, love for the man with bright eyes and dark hair. Fourteen years of friends, best friends, of always together. One moment of rejection. Nine years of apart. Nine years of heartbreak, nine years of continents away, of not speaking, of no acknowledgement, no interaction, no closure, no peace. No happiness. Nine years of Dean’s life entering motions, going through them, constant, cold and mechanic, like clockwork. Nine years of alone. God. Nine years. A lot has changed. And yet Dean still loves Cas just the same. Even if his heart hurts all kinds of different.

Under The Midnight Sun by NorthernSparrow (Explicit, 232k words)

Dean Winchester’s been camp manager of a science research station on the Alaskan tundra for thirteen years. Dean likes his job; fixing the camp trucks, troubleshooting the generators, keeping clueless undergrads and NSF bigwigs from walking into grizzly bears or getting lost in snowstorms — it’s all in a day’s work. It keeps him pretty busy, and this year his brother Sam's visiting too, so he's even busier. So it’s really not any of Dean’s business when some weirdo antisocial ornithologist sets up a tent a few miles away, a dark-haired blue-eyed guy who’s doing a “very long-term" study on birds or wings or something, and who never, ever takes off his big lumpy backpack. But then the new guy starts dropping by camp for coffee and… well, he’s not officially part of camp; he's not Dean’s responsibility; he’s really not Dean’s problem at all, but when a strange blizzard comes sweeping in, Dean gets worried and goes to check. Thing is, Dean's spent years in the sweeping vistas of the Arctic. He knows all about the midnight sun and the northern lights, the ice caves and avalanches, the rough-and-ready Haul Road truckers and the even rougher-and-readier wild animals. But even so, what he finds is much more than he bargained for.

With Interest by everandanon (Explicit, 296k words)

Eighteen, bored, and not quite able to turn down the money, Cas agrees to an ill-advised bet, and Dean's heart isn't the only one that gets broken. Eleven years later, grieving his twin brother and struggling to take care of his niece, Cas finally returns home — only to meet Dean again and discover that the boy he left behind has grown up a lot. And now, Dean seems to have every intention of getting him back — with interest.

You can also check our >100k tag for all the longer fics we rec.

[zevlors-tail]

Retail Therapy

A/N: If you work retail like I do and get frustrated with your job on a weekly/daily basis, if you’re just fed up of all the crazy at work, this one’s for you! Covid has made it extra garbagey to work retail so here’s a little vent. Also, me writing soft Bakugou content? Yes.

Characters: Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugou, Shouto Todoroki

Warnings: Mentions of Covid in Bakugou’s part. Cursing. Customer invading your personal space (also in Bakugou’s part), tiny mention of anxiety in Todoroki’s scenario.

Summary: You’ve had the most infuriating day at work. Lucky for you, he knows just how to fix it.

Izuku Midoriya

Oh my god this gif is so bright i love it

“Hi baby!” Izuku greets you as you haphazardly toss your shoes on the floor, not caring where they land. One ends up under the dining room table and the other ends up somewhere among the chairs, but you could care less.

You’re pissed. More pissed than you’ve ever been, but specifically with work. You constantly feel like you’re babysitting your coworkers, and they never listen to anything you have to say, even when you’re put in charge of your department- if only for the night. Every time you turn your back, they’re pulling some sort of dumb stunt; how are you supposed to get work done like that? You can hardly focus on your own task when you’re trying to clean up after everyone else. Picking up slack is something you’re used to by now (unfortunately), but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t have to do your work and everyone else’s work too. Not to mention, you were tired of being the middle man whenever there was drama. Why did everyone feel the need to tell you everything?

“Ughhhh!” You just groan in response, half a smile on your face while a wild look enters your eyes. Izuku knows that look. He can tell you’re frustrated after a long day of work, that you’re at your wits end with your job. “I swear, Izu, I came this close to rage quitting. I mean I wouldn’t, because I’ve got bills to pay and stuff, but, just- this close.”

“Oh yeah?” He gives you a trademark smile despite your woes and invites you to follow him to the dining table where he sits down with you, taking your hand in his. “Tell me all about it.”

And you do. He listens diligently, nodding and getting into the gossip playfully, asking about certain coworkers and making silly comments to get you to laugh. Things like, “But they would never!” and “Oh my god, no they didn’t!” along with your personal favorite, a very dramatic “No!” He even makes over the top facial expressions to go with his comedic comments, and he has you laughing with him in no time, the stress of the day melting away under his electric green gaze. Your vent turns into more of a fun story than it does a bad experience. Izuku is a good listener and he’ll always be there for you.

“It was just ridiculous! Man, I can only take so much in one day. Usually I don’t let them get to me, but I couldn’t take both of them coming up to me every five minutes and complaining about each other. You know, as much as they like to talk about each other not doing their jobs, maybe they would get more work done if they just stopped talking and got back to work in the first place!” As you tell him your story, he hums a response, nods, and gets up from the table. He pats your head as he passes by you on the way to the kitchen, and you follow him with your gaze, questioning him silently.

“I’m still listening, love. I can hear you from here, promise! Do go on.”

You continue, not paying much mind to what he’s doing since you’re so engrossed in your tale of idiocy and annoyance turned silly. And he is listening to you, still making eye contact as he moves about the kitchen, still putting his two cents every once in a while. But before you know it, a savory smell hits your nose, and you realize he’s not only started dinner but that he’s practically finished with it by the time you’re done talking. He wastes no time in making two plates and bringing them over, setting one in front of you and the other in front of his usual spot.

You’re extremely grateful to him for taking the initiative to make dinner while you de-stressed after the day’s events, and you make sure to tell him that as you both dig in to his cooking. He learned from the best (bless mama Midoriya). You’re reminded that no matter how bad your day has been, you get to come home to your favorite human being on the whole planet and love him, and be loved by him in return.

“Thanks for making dinner, Izuku. You’re truly the love of my life.” You say it in such a manner that makes your partner laugh, bits of food falling from his mouth as he struggles to swallow properly. “That’s attractive,” you tease, but you’re laughing too. It’s a happy moment for the both of you.

“Good to know you only love me for my cooking!” He jokes. He eyes your plate before not so subtly reaching over and stealing a piece of food. You gasp in mock surprise, but save your revenge for later. There are plenty of ways to get even with him. But for now...

Izuku: 1

Y/N: 0

Katsuki Bakugou

soft bb

“Shit, fuck! God, I hate today!” you exclaim as you slam the car door shut. Bakugou had been kind enough to pick you up from work, and you were glad that it was him driving and not you behind the wheel. You were shaking in your seat, your hands trembling in anger and teeth grinding in frustration as you glared out of the window silently for a moment.

“Bad day?” Bakugou asked gruffly, foot gently pressing against the gas peddle as you took off on the drive home.

“Yeah, you would not fucking believe people. You’d think everyone would listen to directions and stay home since it’s like, oh, I don’t know- the middle of a fucking pandemic?”

“Oh, believe me, I know. People are stupid. Don’t let them get to you, baby.” 

Maybe those words were odd coming from him considering he used to be so angry all the time himself, but Bakugou had really mellowed out since his days at UA, and he knew how to hold his tongue. Unbeknownst to him, however, this was more than a bad day for you. Bad days you could let go of, but this- this was something else. Not quite the worst time you’d ever had at work, but much more than a bad day. Today had been somewhere in between the two, and you weren’t sure what to call it. You’d been yelled at, berated, understaffed, and blamed for pretty much all the problems going on in your specific area even though you were trying your best. There was only so much you could do yourself, and even though you knew it was better to just let it go, you couldn’t. Especially not after what that wretched customer had done to you.

“I’m trying not to, but it’s really god damned hard not to fucking smack a bitch when they invade your personal space and tap on your shoulder. In a fucking pandemic. Actually, I don’t even think she was wearing a mask now that I think about it. How considerate of her.” The words are like venom spitting from your mouth, your fists clenching as you vent to your partner in confidence.

“They did what?” Normally he’s good about keeping his anger in check. Normally, he could handle you venting to him about anything. But someone else touching his Y/N? No way in hell. And during a period of time where touching people was especially rude and inconsiderate? Fucking no way in hell.

“Yeah! Tapped me right on the damn shoulder and didn’t even say excuse me. Words exist! Just tell me you need something and I’ll get it for you! I hate people who do that shit, it’s so unnecessary and rude! And it violates my personal space and creeps me out. I feel disgusting. If you touch me at work, then I’m not liable for anything that happens to you! You get slapped? Then that’s on you, bitch! Don’t fucking touch me!” You finish up your speech with a wild hand gesture, your head shaking in disbelief while you try not to think about too much.

It takes Bakugou everything he has not to just slam on the breaks right then and there and put the car in reverse to drive back to the store and find that piece of trash. If he could give them a piece of his mind, he would. But he can’t, so he settles for the next best thing: comforting you and making sure you’re okay. You did just have your personal space violated after all, so it’s understandable you’re pretty shaken up and angry about the whole thing. He would be too, honestly. 

The rest of the short drive home is mostly silent, save for the small talk you make with each other and the quiet background noise of the radio station that he let you pick. His general rule of thumb is that the driver picks the music, but he knows you’ve had a hard day, so he doesn’t argue when you change it to your preferred station and start drumming your fingers to the beat. He’d rather you wind down this way than keeping it all bottled up. When the two of you finally arrive to your shared home, you let your shoulders fall a bit and sigh as you trudge to the couch, not even bothering to take your shoes off before plopping down and face planting into the soft cushions. You listen as Bakugou wanders off to the bedroom and returns a moment later with a shirt in his hands.

“You said you felt disgusting earlier, so I brought you a new shirt to change into. Figured you probably didn’t want to stay in your work clothes.” His tone is softer, a little more careful since you’re home now and he knows you don’t like to fall apart in public. Home is where your true heart is, with him. If you’re feeling any sort of negative emotion, it’s more likely to come out here. And he wants to offer his help, but... “Do you want some help with it?”

You shift so that you’re sitting up on the couch and raise your arms slightly for him. “That would be nice, since I’m utterly exhausted and worn out. I’d really appreciate it,” you reply honestly.

He hesitates a bit, unsure of something before he asks you a question. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

Your response is immediate. “Of course it is; I trust you. I never mind your touch.”

He smiles at that.

He helps you get changed into the ultra comfy shirt he brought you, and after that the two of you heat up some leftovers before cuddling up in bed together, the worst of the day washed away by Bakugou’s soft fingers running along your side as you lay your head on his chest.

“Thanks for always taking care of me. You do an amazing job at it.” You yawn into his shirt and snuggle your face against it, the soft cotton making you feel safe and secure.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Katsuki.”

Shouto Todoroki

I’m feeling extra soft for Todoroki recently

“Hi, Y/N. How was your day at-” 

Before Shouto can even finish his sentence, you’re flying into a vent about work, passing right by him on your way to the bathroom as you start to pull of your work uniform angrily.

“Oh my god, it was an absolute disaster!” You’re still breathing heavy from all the stress, eyes darting around wildly and face flushed from being mad and under pressure all night.

“What happened, love?” Todoroki coaxes gently. He comes to stand in the door frame of the bathroom and leans against it, his hands in his pockets and hip cocked out to the side. He has a sympathetic look on his face as you explain all your troubles of the day.

“Everything, Shouto. Everything happened. I mean, not everything, but it sure felt like it! Our delivery showed up late, and we didn’t have product all afternoon, so our customers were really angry and I kept getting yelled at! It’s not my fault it showed up late! If I had the product to put out I would! It’s complete and utter bullshit!” You make your way to the bedroom to pick out pajamas, not really caring about the pair you take out of the drawer or anything else for that matter. Your mind was focused on one thing and one thing only: your day at work.

Sometimes you had a hard time winding down from work, especially on days like these, and Shouto knew that. You usually were able to separate work from home fairly well, but occasionally you just needed a little reminder that it didn’t have to follow you home to bed, and he knew how to help with that. He’d seen you like this before, had witnessed your break downs and freak outs over your job and the stress that came with it. Retail was not for everyone. Todoroki always told you that you had the patience of a saint, though everyone had their own limits, and you must have hit yours tonight.

“I don’t appreciate being called names and told that I’m practically useless. Customers can be real fucking snobs all the time. And I was trying so hard too, but even after the delivery showed up, it was busy as hell, and every time I put something up on the shelf they just kept taking it down! I think I sold through at least three boxes of something I normally have to throw away at the end of the week. Seriously! It was a mess, and we didn’t have enough staff because one of us was still suspended, and our normal person who works the backroom doesn’t work weekends, and even our supervisor called off, so it was just me and this other girl. It was awful. I can’t even- ugh! It’s not fair!”

You started to work yourself up, your anxiety skyrocketing as you thought of everything that went wrong earlier. Rationally you knew there wasn’t much you could do about the situation, but that didn’t mean you felt the same way. You should have done more, pushed yourself harder, but you also didn’t want to stay and work overtime on an empty stomach and not a lot of sleep the night before. Shouto must have seen the guilt in your eyes, because the next thing you knew you were being moved to the bed where he wrapped you in the softest blanket he could find, and then he was telling you he’d be right back as he slipped out of the room.

You sat there, a little confused for a while, before you heard a beeping noise from the kitchen and the door to the microwave open and close. Todoroki returned with a steaming mug in one hand and a book in the other, and he said nothing as he set the book and cup down on the nightstand before working around you, positioning a few pillows against the headboard of the bed. He fluffed them up a few times and grabbed the giant comforter, pulling it up over your lap and practically swaddling you. Finally he sat down behind you on the bed and pulled you into his lap, and you rested your head against his chest as he petted your hair softly. Slowly, you felt all the tension from earlier on in the day ebb away into drowsiness and exhaustion.

“Alright, blanket burrito,” he said, referring to your form all wrapped up in soft cotton, “I warmed up a cup of your favorite drink and brought us a book. Do you want me to read to you, or would you prefer to play a video game or movie?” He gazed down at you with a brow raised in question, a look of amusement on his face at the sight of your head just barely peeking out from the blankets.

“If you don’t mind, could you read to me? I like your voice...it’s soothing.” You melted into his touch, work already forgotten about and a wave of calm washing over you. 

“Of course, dear.” He gave you a precious smile and kiss on the top of your head.

Todoroki always knew how to fix your bad days, and he always did so without hesitation and without you having to ask. He handed you the warm mug first which you took gratefully, and then picked up the book and began reading to you.

How did you get this lucky?

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 04.11.20 lb

ok speed-watched the 3rd nov ep and here are the highlights:

mummy and kabir ka freakout about ragini being alive.

someone in a mask (siya??????) knocking already paralysed riddhima out with chloroform when she tries to make a call to kabir.

kabir sneaking into the mansion and riddhima passing on a message to him in the form of a conversation with vansh, during which she challenges V that she'll steal ragini away from him.

kabir looking 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽 hey boy are you a family pack of haldiram's aloo bhujia coz you AN ABSOLUTE SNACCCC. (i think there was a convo between him and mummy ki she has to help riddhima so that riddhima can get him to ragini. but i was too busy staring at his neck/chest coz......... tharak. 😜😜😜)  

vansh digging a grave in his backyard at midnight like the fucking weirdo he is, and riddhima being like smh really, i got horny for THIS dude???????

some cocky talk by vansh next morning about how his mission for revenge is finally gonna come to a head today and how riddhima should be happy coz this means that they can start their new lives together. followed by some truly savage dahi-cheeni eating that grossed me tf out. this show really doing The Most to make this hot dude absolutely repulsive to me.

vansh instructing ishani to keep an eye on riddhima to make sure she doesn't leave the house today.

ok now that you're caught up, onwardsssssssssss!

———————————————————————

*pink panther theme music playing*

mummy distracting ishani from noticing riddhima in the most Boomer way possible; phone mein app download nahi ho raha, mere liye kardo plssssssss.

“teen saal pehle jo kaam humara fail ho gaya tha woh waapas aa raha hai.” 0.0% surprising revelation that they the ones who tried to murder ragini.

mask person has knocked riddhima out YET AGAIN. THE SECOND TIME IN LIKE, 12 HOURS. DUDE. THIS CAN'T BE GOOD FOR HER HEALTH. Y'ALL FUCKING CRAZY.

oh thank god, dadi is finally back. not that inki kuch khaas chalti hai, but at least these three raisinghania hellions will stop constantly giving riddhima mini-comas every 6 hours, on the dot. yes, i'm fully including siya in it, i'm absolutely sure that she's the mask person now. idk why, but i am.

mummy is like oufff isko nikalna tha aur behosh ho gayi aur ab yahaan baithi juice pee rahi hai manhoos.

riddhima like yup, there's definitely another person here other than ishani who's helping vansh. YEAH IT SIYA YOU DUMBASSSSSSSS.

riddhima doing bukhaar waali acting and i'm sure has hacked the thermometer hum hain raahi pyaar ke style to show temp of 103.

a doctor has been called and kabir has been informed ki riddhima is awwal number ki nikkami jisne saara plan fail kiya hua hai.

but behen is super duper determined and convinced that she will beat vansh no matter what. yeah sis. beat him. beat him over the head with a danda.

lmaoooooooooooooo look at these two smirking at each other over their shady shenanigans. the real love story of this show.

“aise important mauke waste karna hi uska talent hai.” i truly live for mummy's verbal evisceration of riddhima.

kabir sure ki this is part of riddhima's plan. get you a man like kabir who has fulllllll confidence in you. not one like vansh who constantly underestimates you. oh, and paralyses you.

ishani is truly Forever Mood.

gaadi ruk gayi. smirky boys not smirking anymore.

snort. someone’s been watching a little too much ipk on hotstar.

riddhima has picked up a trick from the raisinghanias. aur do issko ideas.

“i'm so proud of you riddhima!!!!!!!!”

i love his snarky asssssss so much. 

SHE WAS RUSHING AROUND SAYING TIME NAHI HAI TIME NAHI HAI HAR EK MINUTE KEEMTI HAI RAGINI KO BACHAANE KE LIYE, BUT NOW SHE HAS TIME TO STAND AROUND AND IMAGINE HER TWO BOYTOYS DEBATING ABOUT PYAAR AND FARZ. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

waise bhi, do hotties ko saath mein imagine karr hi rahi ho toh bhi yeh lameass debate? wouldn't be me. my imagination would have them shirtless and wrestling for my hand in marriage.

BITCH EVERY MAN IS A UNIQUE NIGHTMARE IN HIS OWN WAY; STOP WASTING TIME OVER CHOOSING ONE OF THEM AND JUST GET YOUR ASS MOVINGGGGGGGG

rrahul's angry acting is unbearable.

doctor has to be a dumbass not to ask her why it took her HALF AN HOUR to just give one injection. and what's with the drastic change in eye makeup situation?!?!!?!?! the patient gave you a makeover?????

ishani yeh ghatiya blue lenses hatao toh tumhe dikhe jo mummy ko dikha.

idhar they've literally been standing around doing jack for one hour. in this time, literally 40 autos have passed him and he didn't think to hail even one of them.

EVEN NOW HE'S SCREAMING AT THE CARS TO STOP AND NOT THE EMPTYASSSSSSS AUTOS. ARE YOU ALLOWED TO BE A MAFIA LEADER OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE IS THAT MADE HIM SO GODDAMN RICH IF YOU'RE THIS FUCKING STOOOOOPID????????

pachchis minute to reach aaaaaaaaaaaaaand...........

yup. this is the choice he makes. wonderful.  

riddhima’s new gig as an uber driver has commenced with an auspicious customer.

RACE SAANSON KI.

RACE CHAAHAT KI.

RACE DHADKAN KI.

MY HEART IS RACING ON!!!!!!!!! (because i am very very unfit and have severe anxiety.)

watch out milind soman, you got competition in the hot-dude-running-for-absolutely-no-good-reason department.

ishani knows bhaabi sus as hell and damn near breaking the door down.

but dadi came and took her away. but not before they peeked in and saw SOMEONE in bed and assumed it's riddhima. raisinghanias really got shit for brains.

meanwhile..........

yeah, this looks like it's going as well as i expected.

he just hurt his leg and then when he stood up the pant leg still spotless white.

if kabir wasn't a murderous psycho who wanted to murder ragini himself his righteous anger seeing her haalat would totally turn me on rn.

LMAO WHAT, YOU WANT HER TO TAKE RAGINI OUT WHILE YOU HANDLE THE NURSE?!?!?! HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HOW IS TINY BIRD LIKE RIDDHIMA SUPPOSED TO SMUGGLE AN UNCONSCIOUS WOMAN HER SIZE OUT???? LET *HER* HANDLE THE NURSE AND YOU CARRY RAGINI OUT, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.

“usse harm mat karna.”

kabir nods yes AND THEN PROMPTLY GOES ON TO SUFFOCATE THE NURSE. MAN, YOU PPL IN THIS SHOW REALLY TAKE UNCONSCIOUSNESS VERYYYYYYYYYYYYY LIGHTLY.

how is ragini's hair so shiny and conditioned and still in the braid after being bedridden for 3 years, when my hair is a fucking chidiya ka ghosla after a half hour nap????

lo, yeh mahashay finally pohunch gaye.

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

oh thank god. idk why i'm so invested in kameena kabir getting away with his shit, but i am. i just like him better.

he knows someone is here and made the nurse unconscious. THEN WHY THE FUCK IS HE YELLLLLLLLLLLING AND LETTING WHOEVER IS TRYING TO GET RAGINI KNOW THAT HE’S HERE AND COMING INTO THE ROOM?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

pls god can this show free rrahul??? he needs to be in a softboy romantic role where he can flash his puppy eyes and sassy smile. this role is just notttttttt a good fit for him. THIS IS LIKE WHEN THEY MADE OMKARA A CRAZYASS JUNGLEEEEEE IN DBO ALLLLLL OVER AGAIN. IT JUST DOESN’T FIT THE ACTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO ISKI KHUSHIIIIIIIII TOH DEKHO. truly, nothing makes me happier than a woman who has fucked a man over and made him miserable. and this one toh particularly deserved it also. i know it’s all gonna turn to shit later coz she’ll have ruined some mission that had a “noble” reason behind it, but for now, i’m happy she managed to get at least a small badla for the paralysis thing.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Saving Grace - Part 10

Summary: Steve leaves you and your son to go back to Peggy unaware your pregnant.

Your heartbroken and struggling without Steve until Bucky Barnes steps up to help you out. With you and Bucky growing closer everyday will he be your saving Grace?

A/N- This was meant to be more of a filler part but then ended up at 2000+ words! 😂😂 im not even sure how i feel about this part but here we go! Enjoy 💕

The Wednesday before Bucky and I were planning to head to the cabin, he was called in for a mission that required the whole team so it must have been pretty bad. He promised he would do his best to get back in time so we could still go up there, but i knew we'd just have to let things play out and see what happened.

It was now Friday evening and he still wasn't home, i hadn't heard from him since the Wednesday evening and i just wanted to know he was okay.

At around 10pm i decided to head to bed to try and get some sleep, at least then i wouldn't be constantly worrying about Bucky and the team. Grace was fast asleep in her bassinet beside the bed and Harrison was star-fished on Bucky's side of the bed snoring slightly....I couldn't help but smile at the sight. When I heard a noise from downstairs I shot up in the bed suddenly alert.

"Buck?" I called out quietly so i didnt wake the kids, i knew he'd still hear me even with how quiet i was. When i got no response i made my way out to the hallway looking down over the staircase railing. My heart started racing when i saw two dark figures moving around down there. I turned and silently rushed back to the bedroom locking the door behind me. I grabbed my cell phone from the bedside cabinet and called 911 as i rushed to my wardrobe to pull out the lockbox that held our guns.

"911 whats your emergency?" A woman answered my call, i quietly told her what was happening and gave her the address. She advised she would get someone over ASAP. I hung up and dialled the compounds private number hoping someone would answer, maybe they could get here quicker!

"Hello?" A man answered on the third ring, i didn't recognise who it was.

"Hi, this is Y/N Y/L/N...."

"Oh hi Y/N its Roy, the night guard"

"Shit.... Roy is their anyone there you can send to my house now!?? there's men breaking in.... are any of the team or any SHIELD agents around?"

"Oh.... erm I'm not sure. Stay on the line and i will check real quick".

It felt like he was gone forever when it was only a few seconds.

"Y/N???!"

"Steve??! Oh thank god! There's men breaking in!!"

"What?!!"

"Two of them that i saw. Ive locked myself in the bedroom with the kids"

"Im on my way sweetheart just stay where you are. You have your gun?"

"Yeah, please hurry!" I said hanging up.

I carried Grace's bassinet into the ensuite bathroom and then went and got Harrison and took him in there too.

"Mama what you doing?" He asked sleepily rubbing at his eyes.

"Shhhh baby, i need you to stay in here with Grace and be very quiet okay?"

"Okay" he nodded and sat on the floor beside Grace's bassinet.

"Remember to stay very quiet, and dont come out until i say so" i closed the door and took the time to check my gun over. Oh god, what i would give to have Bucky home right now, he would have taken them out already without breaking a sweat! It had been years since i had retired from the Avenging life, the day i found out i was pregnant with Harrison was my last day on the job. All i was worried about was my kids getting hurt, what if i was too out of practise to defend myself against these intruders..... my internal panic was interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. I heard one of the doors open, the guest bedroom probably as that was closest to the stairs..... then the bathroom, Harrison's bedroom and then they stopped outside my room. The door handle jiggled as they tried to open it "over here!" I heard a man say before a loud thump on the door where he was obviously trying to bust the door open.

I stood to the side of the door gun aimed ready to fire when they made it through, because lets face it they would get through eventually!! I clicked off the safety and took some deep breaths trying to calm myself down. Suddenly the door gave way and the first figure stumbled into the dark room looking around, i aimed my gun at his leg and fired.... he yelled and fell to the floor as the bullet hit him in the thigh. The second figure dived at me pushing my arms up so my shot missed him. He knocked the gun from my hands and punched me hard in the face sending me to the floor.

"You okay?" He asked turning to his friend who was  laying on the floor holding his leg.

"No!"

While he was distracted i turned to try and crawl to the where my gun had landed only for him to grab my ankle and pull me away. He reached down trying to grab me by the hair but i twisted round and kicked him away. He stumbled back crashing into the dresser looking surprised that i was fighting back. I rolled to my feet again as he tried to rush me, i dodged him easily suddenly remembering my days training with Nat and Steve. I got a few good hits in before he got a hold of me and threw me into my vanity table where i crashed into the mirror landing in the broken shards of the mirror. The man walked over looking proud of himself and he looked down at me.

"You put up a good fight i give you that" he laughed wiping blood from his split lip "I'm gonna enjoy this"

"Please stop..... why are you doing this?" I asked, Grace started crying in the bathroom and i could hear Harrison shh'n her.

"Well well well, what do we have here huh?" He grinned and started to walk towards the bathroom.

"No!!!!" I screamed and launched myself off the floor diving onto the man "you leave them alone!!" i tried to fight but i could feel the shards of broken mirror digging in various parts of my body. He tossed me aside again giving me a hard punch to the gut winding me and sending me to my knees.

"Get away from them!!" i yelled as he carried on towards the bathroom.

Another figure suddenly charged into the room crashing into the man and sending him flying into the wall so hard he was out cold on impact! I breathed a sigh of relief realising Steve had arrived.

"Y/N!" He fell to his knee's beside me "are you okay?"

"There's another guy, i shot him in the leg...."

"Looks like he bled out sweetheart"

"Check on the kids" i said pointing at the bathroom hearing Grace screaming "i dont want Harrison seeing me like this...."

"Okay" he nodded and walked over to the bathroom opening the door.

"Hey pal" i heard Steve say to Harrison "you doing okay in here?"

"Where's mama...."

"Im okay baby, just stay in there with your dad for me for a minute okay?"

"Hi sweet girl, your okay.... sshhh" i could hear Steve as he cradled Grace.

"Police department!" I suddenly heard someone yell from downstairs......great timing!!

"I still think you should have gone to the hospital Y/N or at least to the compound. See Dr Cho" Steve said as he pulled another piece of broken mirror from my back. The police had taken the body of the man i shot and arrested the surviving intruder, i had refused to go to the hospital though.... id had worse than this before.

"Im okay, its not serious. Looks worse than it is" i said holding a towel full of ice to my face.

"Some of these are pretty deep, their gonna need stitches...."

"Then stitch them up!" I snapped at him "god Steve, its not like it would be the first time!"

"Your right it wouldn't, but we were in the field with no option but for me to stitch you up! Now we can get you proper medical care!"

I dropped my face into my hands as i began to cry, i couldn't hold it in any more. The adrenaline was wearing off and now the shock was setting in.

"I just want Bucky" i sobbed, i felt Steve tense up at the mention of Bucky's name before he carefully wrapped his arms around me.

"I know sweetheart, i've tried calling him and the rest of the team. I left a message"

"Where are the kids?"

"In Harrisons room, Grace is sleeping and Harrison was watching cartoons"

"I dont know what i would have done if they had been hurt!.... if you hadnt of showed up when you did Steve...."

"Dont think about that, i did show up and they are fine!" He said with a smile wiping my tears away with his thumbs.

"Thank you Steve, i mean it"

"You dont need to thank me sweetheart"

"Y/N!!!" I heard Bucky's frantic voice yell before his thundering footsteps on the stairs.

"Bucky" i sighed in relief. Within seconds he was in the room and pulling me into his arms, Wanda and Sam appearing seconds behind him.

"Ow Buck careful" i said wincing as his arm pressed into one of the shards still in my back.

"Doll why aren't you at the hospital!?"

"She refused to let me take her, you know how stubborn she can be" Steve rolled his eyes.

"Id be fine if you'd stop bitching and just stitch me up!"

"Okay come on, let me take a look. Wanda, can you check on the kids please?"

"Their fine Buck i made sure...." Steve started to say but she turned and went anyway.

"You wanna fill me in on what happened here?" Sam said to Steve looking pissed.

"Sure".

Once in the bathroom Bucky carefully removed my tank top to get a better look at my wounds.

"Baby some of these are really bad...."

Bucky said as his fingers gently traced over my back.

"Just do it Buck, I'm not going to the hospital! I can take it"

"Okay" he sighed pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder. Bucky spent the next 15 minutes or so pulling shards of mirror from my back and some in my left arm. He stitched one pretty deep wound, the rest he just cleaned and covered with bandages. Once he was done he wrapped me in his arms holding me close.

"I was so scared Buck" i mumbled against his chest "i just wanted you. I knew if you were here we'd be fine"

"I know doll, me too. When i got that message from Steve...." he shook his head "i could have lost you today, you and the kids.... i could have lost my family"

"You didn't though, we're fine"

"Your not fine! look at what that son of a bitch did to you!"

"It could have been a lot worse, i got lucky. I never thought id be so happy to see Steve again..... the guy was going for the kids Bucky and i couldn't stop him.....Steve just came out of nowhere"

"Im sure you did everything you could baby"

"I tried, but the truth is I'm out of practice. I haven't been in a fight or even picked up a gun since i found out i was pregnant with Harrison"

"You did good!" Bucky smiled leaning down and gently kissing me, i hissed slightly feeling the sting of the split lip from the punch id received and he quickly apologised.

"Guess this puts a stop to our weekend at the cabin huh? I cant even kiss you!" I moaned.

"We'll go as soon as you feel better i promise, we've waited this long right?"

"I guess so, i was just really looking forward to it"

"Oh me too! But i can wait".

Saving Grace tags: @jennmurawski13 @kenzieam

@captainchrisstan @s-t-r-i-k-e-us @lets--be-honest

@ms-betsy-fangirl @damnaged-princess

@farfromtommy @disneylovingal @lbuck121

@billweasleey @rynabarnesrogers

@heathens-takeitsl0w @lacontroller1991

@supervengerslock @barnesandrogersworld

@mariswritingforfun @perpetually-tuned-out

@thummbelina @marvelousstyles @broco8

@ineffableg-irl @ilovesupersoldiers

@writeroutoftime

[swanqueeneverafter]

The Once & Future Queen Pt.10

Storybrooke. Will & Tiana's Apartment. (Ella stands in front of a full length mirror, struggling to zip up her dress when Tiana enters.) Tiana: (Whistles:) “I mean, I was coming to show you our new uniforms, but clearly wherever you are going is more silk than silk screen.” Ella: “Henry and I are going on a date, to-” Tiana: “The Dragon’s Lair? Yeah, it’s the only high class restaurant in town, sweetie. Apart from the Rollin’ Bayou of course. Henry’s really pulling out all the stops. And by the looks of this number, so are you.” Ella: “Well, I need to at least present myself as a responsible adult - who can control her emotions, not fly off the handle.” Tiana: “That's ridiculous. Regina already forgave you for all that. El, what is really going on?” Ella: “It's complicated.” Tiana: “Oh, my God. You’re not nervous about going on a date with Henry are you? El, the boy is madly in love with you. You have zero to worry about, okay?” Ella: “I’m not worried.” Tiana: “She says, lying to herself and her best friend.” Ella: “Stop it. I'm gonna be late. Now, how 'bout being that best friend, and zipping me up?” Tiana: “Mm.”

Morgana's Hovel. Recent Past. (While Anastasia is searching for Will, Morgana keeps herself busy with her hostage. Having raised Drizella from the pit, Morgana decides to have a little chat.) Morgana: "How does it feel to be constantly overlooked? To live in the shadow of your sister even when she lay dead in her casket for decades?" Drizella: (Sitting on the edge of the pit rubbing her head:) "I got over my feelings of inadequacy a long time ago. (Looks up at her:) Why can't you?" Morgana: "I stand in no one's shadow." Drizella: "Sure, now that Morgause is gone, you're free to be the crazy bitch of your family." Morgana: "Funny girl." Drizella: "Yeah well when one sister gets the looks and the magical talent, the other tends to rely on sarcasm and street smarts." Morgana: "Don't test me, Drizella. I'm starting to lose my patience." Drizella: "What do you want from me? You kept me at the bottom of a pit all night." Morgana: "While your sister is running an errand for me, I thought I might pick your brain awhile. This is your chance to prove to me that you aren't completely useless." Drizella: "And I so live for your approval." Morgana: (Ignoring this:) "You overheard Agravaine and I talking before so you know what I want. What do you know about the one they call Merlin?" Drizella: (Scoffs:) "You're kidding, right? Everyone knows about Merlin." Morgana: "Enlighten me." Drizella: "What's in it for me?" Morgana: "What would you like?" Drizella: (Scoffs:) "For you to let me go." Morgana: "Other than that." Drizella: (Looks behind her:) "I tell you all I know, and you keep me out of that pit. Deal?" Morgana: "It can't hurt your chances. Now talk."

Drizella: (Takes a breath:) "Merlin is considered the father of magic. People sometimes refer to him as the Sorcerer. Back when Emma was the Dark One, she and her family went to Camelot to seek Merlin's help. Only trouble is, he was inside a tree." Morgana: "A tree?" Drizella: "Yeah, Arthur was pretty tight with him. Didn't he ever tell you about Merlin?" Morgana: "My brother poisoned me and stole my crown. We weren't what you would call ‘close’." Drizella: "Right. Well somehow Emma and Regina found a way to free Merlin." Morgana: "How?" Drizella: "I don't know. Something to do with one of Henry's tears. If you want specific details, it's all in the Storybook." Morgana: "I see. So where is Merlin now?" Drizella: "He got on the wrong side of Emma and she returned him to his tree form. He's pretty hard to miss." Morgana: "Merlin is inside a tree?" Drizella: "Technically he is the tree, but yeah. I'm surprised you don't know all this already." Morgana: "Well now I do, and thanks to you, I know exactly what task I'm going to give Will Scarlett upon his arrival." Drizella: "I told you what you wanted to know. What about our deal?" Morgana: "Oh yes, our deal. (Morgana reaches out and pushes Drizella backwards into the pit. Looking down as she lands with a thud:) I said it couldn't hurt your chances." (Morgana smiles and walks away.) Storybrooke. Present. Main Street. (Running through the town with their weapons drawn, Xena and Gabrielle are prepared for the Red Queen's next attack.) Xena: "All right, Queenie. We know you're out there. Show yourself!" Red Queen: (Appearing behind them:) "I'm right here, darling." (As soon as Xena turns to face her, the Red Queen gives a casual wave of her hand and sends Xena flying through the air to crash through a car's windscreen.) Doc: (Slamming on the brakes:) "My Miata!" Red Queen: "Oops."

(Gabrielle stands poised with her sais in hand while several people run out of the diner to witness the commotion.) Gabrielle: “I don’t know who you are or what you want, but we will find a way to stop you.” Red Queen: “Oh, I’m sure you’ll try. (The Red Queen raises her hand again but turns at the sound of growling coming from behind her. With bared teeth, the wolf snarls at the Red Queen, ready to pounce:) Bad dog.” (The Red Queen knocks the wolf flying with a flick of her wrist. When the animal lands hard on the pavement, it transforms back into a dazed looking Ruby.) Lily: (Her weapon drawn:) “Hey! Sheriff’s department, stop!” Red Queen: (Chuckles:) “A gun? How adorable. (The Red Queen uses her magic to turn the gun into a banana:) There now, you look as though you needed something to eat, darling.” Lily: (Smirks, throwing the banana away:) “Neat trick. Wanna see mine?” (Lily’s eyes begin to glow as she starts her transformation.) Elsa: “Wait!” Red Queen: “Ah, if it isn’t the Queen of Arendelle. Well, Your Highness, a bit of advice from one Queen to another... keep your nose out of my business.” Elsa: “When you hurt my friends, you become my business.” (The Red Queen chuckles then throws a stream of fire towards Lily and Elsa. Lily ducks out of the way, but Elsa defends herself by shooting a flurry of ice and snow from her fingertips. While the crowd of onlookers grows in size, so does the strength of Elsa’s counter attack. Soon the Red Queen’s fire trail is overtaken and her arms begin to frost over.) Lily: “Keep going, Elsa. Freeze her!” Red Queen: (Struggling:) “You...can’t stop...me!” (Despite her protests, the Red Queen is frozen in place like a statue.) Elsa: (Breathing hard from the effort:) “That should let her cool off for awhile.” Lily: “Nice one.” Elsa: “Thanks.”

Dragon's House. Past. (After listening to Mulan and Emma's story, the Dragon tries to make sense of it all.) Dragon: "What you're telling me is not possible." Emma: "Trust me, this is my second journey into the past. It's very possible." Dragon: "That part I do believe. I was referring to your other statement. There is no way to travel to the Land Without Magic." Mulan: "But you found your way there before. Tell him, Emma." Emma: "It's true, I meet you in the future in the land where I was raised. There is very little magic in that land, aside from yours. Which is no doubt how you prosper so well there." Dragon: (Shakes his head:) "This is nonsense. Yes, I have dabbled in magic that seemed as though it may one day lead me to such a place, but my efforts were futile. Even with the Dark One's help, I could not manage it." Emma: "Rumplestiltskin. He helped you?" Dragon: "Yes, for a time we were a team. But when I could not achieve what he wanted, he had no further use for me." Mulan: "That's not right. I know for a fact you managed it somehow." (A young girl enters the room.) Young Girl: "Father?" Dragon: (Looking to the girl:) "What are you doing awake, child?" Young Girl: "I heard voices and was curious." Dragon: "Worry not, our business is almost concluded." Young Girl: (Looking to Mulan:) "Hello. My name is-" Dragon: (Snapping at her:) "Do not speak to these women, child! Now do as I say and go back to bed!" Young Girl: (Recoiling as if struck:) "Yes, Papa." (The young girl hurries from the room.) Mulan: (Rounding on the Dragon:) "You always were a short tempered old bastard." Emma: "Hey." Dragon: "How dare you? I will not be spoken to that way in my own house!" Mulan: "It's my house too! I know you made it to the Land Without Magic, because you left me here!" Dragon: "That's preposterous. What are you saying?" Mulan: (Pointing towards the other room, bitterly:) "I know that girl's name and I know the kind of life she's had up until this moment living with you. I was that girl. I am that girl." Dragon: "...Mulan?" Mulan: "Hello, Father."

Granny's Diner. Present. (As the only two people left in the diner due to the commotion outside, Henry and Will share a booth. After hearing Will’s confession, Henry's world has just been turned upside down.) Henry: "I don't believe it." Will: "Sorry mate, don't know what to tell ya. It just happened." Henry: "You and Ella?" Will: "I was as surprised as you. What with her being your fiancee and Tiana's best friend, I thought it was downright inappropriate." Henry: "What about you and Tiana? Didn't you try and stop things before-" Will: "Before they got out of hand? (Shakes his head:) Not the way I'm built, mate. If a gorgeous woman like Ella wants a piece of Will Scarlett, who am I to say no?" Henry: "But..." Will: "You can't blame her either. Ella's a vibrant, excitable girl who craves adventure. And I guess since you weren't able to provide that for her, I was all too happy to step in." Henry: "I should kill you right now." Will: (Considers:) "You could. God knows many a man has tried. But it doesn't change the fact that Ella was all too happy for me to fill your shoes. (Leans closer:) She told me as much while we were knocking boots. (Having heard enough, Henry takes a swing at Will, who deftly avoids it. Pulling Henry's jacket off his shoulders and trapping his arms in the sleeves, Will picks up a napkin from the table and wipes Henry's face with it:) Dry your eyes, mate. There's plenty more women out there." (Will shoves Henry forward into the booth and then runs for the door, making his escape through the crowd.) Swan-Mills House. (Archie and Regina sit down for coffee.) Archie: "Ruby told me you two spoke recently." Regina: (Nods:) "We did. And it wasn't half as bad as I was imagining." Archie: "You're both going through the same trauma right now. The loss of a partner, no matter how temporary, can be a harrowing experience. I'm glad you two managed to share your feelings." Regina: "Speaking of feelings, has Zelena booked an appointment with you yet?" Archie: "Actually, yes. I believe we have plans to speak tomorrow." Regina: "Good. Her loss is of a more permanent nature. (Thinks:) Although, we are talking about Robin Hood here, so you never can tell."

(At the sound of loud banging, Archie and Regina's attention turns to the front door when Ruby bursts through it looking frazzled.) Regina: "Make yourself at home why don't you?" Ruby: "Regina, you have to help us! Anastasia's gone nuts and Will and Henry got into a fight." Regina: "They what? (Looks to Maria:) Well I can't just leave, I have to put Maria to bed." Archie: "I-I can do that if you like? I have a little experience with babies." Regina: "Thank you, Archie. But no, Maria stays with me. (To Maria in a playful voice:) It seems the town needs us again, are we going to help them? Are we? (Maria gurgles:) You heard my daughter, let's go." The Dragon's Lair. (Laying low after his earlier actions, Will watches from his seat at the bar to see Ella arrive for her date with Henry. As the night progresses and Will's bar tab increases, Ella continues to wait for Henry while helping herself to bread sticks.) Later That Night. (With the restaurant emptying and Will unable to watch any longer, he stumbles off his seat and tries to leave without being noticed by Ella. Having witnessed his behaviour all night, Robin watches Will's movements closely as he attempts to duck out on his bill.) Robin: (Calling out:) “Hey, Will, pay your tab!” Will: (Shrugs:) “Sorry, I’ll catch ya next time.” (Turning, Will bumps into a waiter just as he was about to place another bowl of bread sticks on Ella’s table.) Ella: “Thank you.” Will: (Knocks the waiter:) “Oh! Oh, my God. Are you all right, mate?” (Unfortunately for Ella, this causes the waiter to spill wine all over her.) Ella: “Damnit. Really?” Will: (Tries to hurriedly help the waiter:) “There you go. Take your glass there, mate.” Ella: (Noticing him for the first time:) “Will?” Will: “All right, Ella. Small world innit? Can’t stay, must dash.” (Will stands up and runs unsteadily out of the place.) Robin: (Throwing her dish towel down:) “You can run, but you can’t hide.” (Robin picks up her phone and begins to dial.)

Dragon's House. Past. Continued. (Rocked by the revelation that Mulan is the Dragon's long lost daughter, Emma tries to mend fences.) Emma: "So... this is quite the family reunion huh?" Dragon: "You're a warrior? How can this be?" Mulan: "You didn't leave me much choice when you abandoned me. My options were slave or wife, which here is just an acceptable word for slave. So I disguised myself as a man and enlisted in the army. There I defeated the Huns and the Emperor honoured me with his crest and the sword of Shan Yu. I did all of that without you and now when I come to you for help, you're not there for me yet again." Dragon: "My daughter... (He attempts to close the distance between them, but Mulan takes a step backwards:) If I knew how to get to the Land Without Magic, I would tell you, but the truth is I do not." Apprentice: "Perhaps I can be of some assistance?" (Everyone turns to face the man who has just appeared through a familiar door.) Emma: "You? But how... Wait, I don't care how. You can get us home?" Apprentice: "In theory, yes. Although we will need to make a few stops along the way." Emma: (Readily:) "Anything you say. (To Mulan:) This is it!" Apprentice: (Offers his hand:) "Shall we?" (Emma walks to the door and waits for Mulan. Mulan smiles then turns to her father.) Mulan: "What are you doing? You have to come with us." Dragon: "No. I cannot leave my daughter." Mulan: (Looking to Emma and the Apprentice:) "Could you give us a minute?" Apprentice: "Of course. We'll leave the door open for you." (The Apprentice motions for Emma to lead the way. Taking a steadying breath, Emma straightens her jacket and then walks through the door into the darkness beyond. With one last nod to Mulan, the Apprentice also leaves the room.) Mulan: (Turns to her father:) "Everything that I am, everything that I became happened because of this moment. (Points to the bedroom door:) For her sake and mine, I am asking you... no I am begging you to do this for me. Please, Father. I have a life back home. Someone I love. You can't take that away from me." (Mulan holds out her hand to her father, her eyes pleading with him. Glancing back at the bedroom door, the Dragon is faced with an impossible decision.)

[tvdversefanfiction]

Origins of Magic

“The Originals” Fanfiction Series

Warnings: I do not own the rights to the television series “The Originals”, “Vampire Diaries”, or “Legacies” and do not own any of the characters within the TVD universe, I am making no profit from this and have no intention for this fanfiction series except for readers to enjoy.

15+ Mild to Strong Violence, Strong Language, Witchcraft, sexual scenes, and sexual references.

F/F, F/M, M/M, Other.

Chapter One – That Old Black Magick

It had been a decade since Rebekah Mikaelson had last seen her brothers Klaus and Elijah, ten years to the day that they sacrificed themselves in order to protect Klaus’ daughter Hope from the Hollow and Rebekah missed her brothers as much now as she did the day she lost them. A lot had happened in those ten years; Kol Mikaelson and his wife Davina adopted three girls and were living the perfect family life in San Francisco, Freya Mikaelson moved to Mystic Falls to teach at the Salvatore Boarding School taking her wife Keelin and their son Nik with them, Hope had grown older and found the love of her life in Josie Saltzman and Rebekah Mikaelson had been married for the first time after many failed attempts however her marriage to her long-time lover Marcel Gerard had ended in divorce. Rebekah Mikaelson was well and truly alone for the first time in over a thousand years and now more than ever she longed for her brothers to be by her side which meant she would stop at nothing to get what she wants even if it meant searching the world for a former flame to help her resurrect her beloved brothers. “I have not seen you in centuries and now here you are asking me to do the impossible because you think I look at our past together fondly.” Annabella Black, or Bella Black as she preferred to be called, a centuries old witch, said to Rebekah as the two walked down a street by the river somewhere in a small town in France. “The kind of magic that spell requires is beyond black even for a witch such as myself if I was even tempted to do this for you, I would not be able to do it alone.” “My brothers died protecting all of us from the hollow do you really think you would still be alive today if the hollow got what she wanted? No, we would all either be dead or enslaved by some bloody lunatic who thought herself a god.” Rebekah told her old friend and former lover. “All I am asking is for you to have cared enough for me in the past to help bring them back…I am well and truly lost without them Annabella.” “Some siblings are meant to be lost to us Rebekah, I for one have learned that the long and hard way.” Bella replied to the blonde-haired vampire as they continued their walk. “I cannot promise you anything but if I am tempted it would require at least another of my siblings and of course Magnus is out of bounds for all of eternity.” “I promise you Bella I will do anything to get Klaus and Elijah back, for Hope to have her father again…” Rebekah promised her, making it clear there was nothing she would not do to get her brothers back. “I have never been able to say no to you nor can I now but it is up to you and you alone to convince either Kayne or Rose, maybe even both with your persuasion skills.” Bella responded reluctantly. “However, my siblings do not tend to look as fondly on the past like I do.” Rebekah and her family’s past with the Black family was complicated at best and although her history with Bella fit that bill she knew for a fact that it would be much harder getting Kayne or Rose on side but after Bella gave her the much needed details she was on a mission to find them and persuade them one way or another.

It did not take Rebekah long after leaving France to hop on a private plane and fly to the city of Amsterdam, thanks to her compulsion powers the original female vampire could always travel in style but this travel was far from a pleasant one as she sought out her bewitching former lover Bella’s younger brother Kayne Black, a man who in her own opinion would be least likely to help her in her mission to save her brothers. Rebekah wasted no time after arriving in Amsterdam as she hunted the male witch down which thanks to tips from Bella concluded rather quickly as she walked into a seemingly abandoned warehouse to find Kayne passionately making out with a red headed woman. Instead of interrupting straight away she chose to observe Kayne who quickly placed his hands on the woman’s face before the woman’s signature redheaded began rapidly changing to white as her skin aged decades within seconds before she fell to the ground completely lifeless. “Well as anti-aging routines go that is rather unique and that comes from a woman who survives on blood!” Rebekah declared, making her presence known to Kayne who turned around, shocked to see the original vampire. “Well I could go all herbal like Annabella or knocked myself out constantly like Primrose, but I would rather stay young and beautiful for as long as possible.” Kayne replied as he began walking over towards Rebekah, completing ignoring the corpse of the woman he had just murdered. “I am guessing by the fact this is our first reunion in centuries you are wanting something from me.” “You always were too bloody clever for your own good,” Rebekah replied with a soft smile, genuinely happy to see her own friend again. “I need your help with a little ressurection spell.” “Little?” Kayne scoffed. “I am guessing this spell requires the ressurection of Elijah and Niklaus?” “Yes!” Rebekah admitted fearfully, knowing Kayne’s history with Klaus and the resentment the two held towards each other. “But before you say no out right just remember our friendship and now the twisted history of you and my brothers.” “I’m in,” Kayne replied, shocking the female vampire by his eagerness. “Providing of course that you get Rose involved too, after all two originals is going to take at least two powerful witches.” “Bella has already said yes to helping us.” Rebekah revealed to him. “That does not surprise me you were the only person in this world ever capable of controlling Annabella besides my dearly departed mother of course.” Kayne answered her. “Thing is when it comes to family reunions I would rather Rose hell I’ll put up with Bella, but I will not tolerate her alone.” “So, you are telling me you will only help if all three of use say yes?” Rebekah asked, getting more frustrated by the witch family’s demands. “Do you know how bloody hard it is going to be to get Rose to say yes to anything that does not benefit her somehow?” “Well then I guess you better open with one hell of a deal,” Kayne replied with a sinister smirk. “You should be counting yourself lucky I am willing to help you out of friendship alone, unfortunately for you Rose was never much a fan of you or your brothers…the only one she ever liked was Kol and we all know how that ended…” “Yes, we do!” Rebekah said with a deep sigh, realizing she was going to have to visit another witch from her ex’s family.

Rebekah’s relationship with Rose Black was far less complicated than her relationship with Rose’s siblings, Rebekah despised Rose with every fiber of her being and Rose countered that with equally shared hatred. Rebekah saw the youngest Black sibling as a spoiled pampered princess with a tendency for tantrum fits, she believed her to be a truly chaotic mess and a bad influence on her brother Kol which was ironic considering how troublesome she knew him to be by himself. Whereas Rose often resented Rebekah for taking up too much of her sister Bella’s time often making it her business to try and sabotage their ill fated romance but to be fair Rose resented all of the Mikaelson’s barring Kol who she saw as a kindred spirit back in the day. As Rebekah arrived in Los Angeles she hoped upon hope that the centuries had made the most chaotic witch she ever knew more calmer and mature as she found her way into a cemetery within the city before stopping at an over the top eccentric mausoleum with the name Primrose Black plated in gold on the door. “Why not just put your location all over the internet for all your enemies to come find you,” Rebekah mumbled to herself before opening the mausoleum door. “Although knowing this crazy bitch that is exactly what she would do.” “Who dares waken me from my slumber?” Rose cackled as she sat up from lying down on a cold slab of stone. “Just kidding I’ve always wanted to say that when somebody woke me up!” “You’d think a powerful witch such as yourself would cloak this place or have some kind of protection spell in case you know someone wants to burn you on a stake!” Rebekah snapped at her, far from amused to be reunited with her wicked nemesis. “Oh, please a beautiful girl such as myself gets wakened by a beautiful stranger, sounds more like a fairy-tale instead of a horror don’t you think?” Rose replied, knowing Rebekah had to be there for a particular reason. “Mind you it does tend to turn to horror for them, but it is not my fault people do not know how to handle all of this beauty.” “More like all of your crazy!” Rebekah chimed in, eager to insult the witch. “Now Rebekah you are not still holding that grudge over that little sleeping incident, are you?” Rose asked the original female vampire. “I mean it was centuries ago…” “I woke up on fire because you wanted to test the theory that I could not die you, crazy bitch!” Rebekah shouted at her furiously, before remembering why she was there in the first place and composed herself. “That is all history now, I forgive you.” “Oh,” Rose laughed at Rebekah’s forgiveness. “You must need one hell of a favour if you are trying to play nice.” “Well actually yes I need your help, along with your siblings who have already agreed by the way if that helps sway your decision at all.” Rebekah informed her, hoping Rose’s curiosity about a family reunion would help a family reunion of her own. “No, not really!” Rose answered her, “Tell me what century we are in now?” “21st,” Rebekah replied. “Fuck that, I am going back to sleep!” Rose complained, clearly not impressed with Rebekah’s answer. “I’ve already had my share of the 21st century and honestly I was not impressed.” “For once we actually agree about something!” Rebekah told her. “Look I know you do not care about anyone but yourself so you would not give a damn about helping me revive my brothers but if you do I promise I’ll owe you a favour and you can cash that in for whatever the hell you want.” “Your brothers are dead…” Rose said in shock. “And you are the one who survived? What the hell took them out?” “Well Kol is also alive and it was the hollow if you have ever heard of her.” Rebekah revealed to the witch, knowing she had finally caught her interest. “The most powerful witch in all of history,” Rose scoffed, clearly unimpressed with the hollow’s legacy. “I have lost count of the amount of her foolish followers I killed out of sport…okay Rebekah I will help you but it will cost you a price far greater than you could ever imagine.” “I will do anything to bring my brothers back, anything!” Rebekah declared to her, happy to have Rose’s help, no matter the cost. “Very well,” Rose replied with a devious smirk. “Maybe the 21st century will not be entirely dreadful after all.” Rebekah tried her best to not think of the price Rose’s help would require, knowing it was worth it to see Klaus and Elijah once again but still fearing what the crazy witch would have in store for her at the same time. One thing the Mikaelson woman did know for sure was that she now had three very powerful witches on side, ready to bring back and her brothers Klaus and Elijah and it would not be long before her family was once again whole.

[gatheringroses]

I highly doubt that anyone that sees this post will even know what the hell is going on with my life, or care, but I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing it for my sanity. Long ago ( or maybe not so depending on how one looks at it ) I wrote for pleasure, I write to process things, it was my therapy if you will. If you’d like to skip over this, I won’t hold it against you.

I, am many things.  Daughter, care giver, friend, aunt, godmother. You know all of those hokey cliches that we attach to women that have fallen into the care giver role. Lost both of my parents at the start of 2020, being thrown for a loop and trying to process it. I ended up selling what little I owned and am still trying to sell off the property to the place I called home . Ended up setting up house with a cousin who, as some may know, has been...interesting to say the least. At first I thought she was just overly sensitive to the world and it’s workings. I’ve learned now that she’s a leech and passive aggressively manipulative. She’s blown through various family members and has no idea how to stand on her own two feet. She expects others to just simply take care of her while she floats through the world because she’s “too sick to do anything.” I’ve tried being understanding. I’ve tried just about damn near everything short of packing my shit and leaving her to rot  ( believe me there are days when just running from her and her ever changing mood fluctuations sounds like heaven. ) The 911 calls, the special diets, doctor’s appointments, midnight car rides with the hammer down to get to her because she’s two hours away at a friend’s house and all but projectile vomiting because she ‘ate something that didn’t agree with her.’ even more doctor’s appoints and vouching for her that she’s ill. I think that’s the sticking point. She made me a pawn in her game to get exactly what she wanted. She doesn’t give two shits that I care. That I lose sleep routinely getting up and checking to see if she’s still breathing. That I work myself into knots doing jobs that cause my hands to chap, my back to ache or for me to come home with a ringing in my ears and clothes that smell like booze. She doesn’t know how hard to a God, that I sincerely think has forgotten that I exist or has simply turned his back to me, that she’d pull through this last time she had a seizure before my very eyes again. I’m strictly a shower person now. I can’t take the sound of sloshing water or the scent of overly scented bubble bath. 

I grew up in a household where Mom didn’t have a maternal bone in her body and Dad was too afraid of not seeing me again to *do* something, like, oh I dunno divorce her. But I digress, perhaps I put too much emphasis on family as I did not have the traditional home life one would expect. Knock down drag out fights where you see your mother chuck an enamel roasting pan on Thanksgiving at your father’s head because he said the meal was ‘good’ instead of excellent kind of colors your world in the wrong way. So does hearing your mother constantly bad mouth not only you but your father isn’t great either. Being belittled in front of friends was a regular occurrence until I stopped having people over.  I was brought up in a household where I was wanted by only one parent and virtually hated for being alive by the other. “I don’t want to even look at you.’ and ‘Hey, stupid what’re you flinching for?’ were favorite sayings.  So, yeah, that childhood partnered with very firm handling in the physical punishment department I learned to make myself useful, because ‘if you’re useful they can’t get mad at you.’  Partner all of that with the shock of losing both parents in one fell swoop ( a total of 56 days. )  grief came at me harder than I’d ever expected it to. ( I don’t care what anyone says, you can still grieve a parent even if you hated them or they hated you. You mourn what you could have had not the what was. )has created a sort of a hellish mix of fuck knows what in me.  My once type A personality and fear of the unknown has been flipped. I’m very very slowly rebuilding myself one brick at a time. 

  I mean I’ve always thought I never quite belonged anywhere, maybe it’s just my personality or the fact that home was fucked up, I don’t know. I’m currently working two jobs and have a third for seasonal work lined up. I put my entire life on hold to care for my parents, did I have to? No. I had a strong sense of duty to do it. Why? Not one damn clue. Maybe I thought if I showed my mother just how devoted I was to her she’d somehow finally love me. It didn’t happen. Pretty damn sad isn’t it?   I essentially painted myself into a corner the first time I’m going to be damned if it’s going to happen a second. I deserve to go out and live. I deserve to experience what this world has to offer, fall in love again, live a life with no regrets. I’m not doing that stagnating here caring for someone who, quite frankly has used me right out of the gate. Pretty words and compliments drip from a liar’s tongue like honey from a hive. I’ve come to hate the taste of honey these days. I deserve to be high on life and drunk on the strange brew of new experiences. I would give everything I’ve got ( at this point it isn’t much but it’s all I’ve got ) to set up a more stable base for myself and not have to worry about coming home from work and finding my cousin dead. Her sisters have made their peace with it, I, for some ungodly reason haven’t. Maybe it’s because I know what it’s like to not have anyone give a damn about you when you’re down? Maybe I’m just a soft touch. But that softness is hardening. A bitterness is sinking into me. Girl has a pain pill problem along with a slew of mental issues on top of an eating disorder. I’ve taken to locking up my medical marijuana and Xanax just in case.  I’ve also taken to busying myself with anything so I don’t have to talk to her. If I do I’m going to blow up and there won’t be anything left of her. I don’t want to be an angry person or a bitter one or worse yet a hellish mixture of both. How can I love someone and hate them all at the same time? Am I remembering the ‘hate the sin but love the sinner?’ mindset from when I attended church? Or am I just slowly becoming numb? I truly know what it’s like to be hated and I wouldn’t wish that on a single soul.  

Are you at the point where you’re scratching your head and  going ‘why the hell am I reading this crazy bitch’s blog?’ or ‘why am I reading this?’ or ‘Please tell me she’s in therapy.’  I’d like to say. I’ve no idea, you were bored? I haven’t got a clue, why am I writing it? Yes, yes I am in therapy. It’s helping but I’ve got a few decades of damage to try and undo.  I do, however have a wonderful support system a few assorted family members, old friends and some new ( you know who you are. If you’ve read this mention roses the next time we have a chat. ;) ) that have been more than kind and generous with their time and advice. I do realize my life has hit a low point. But it can’t always rain. My faith is unwavering and my well of hope is endless. I’ve got to keep going and moving forward without regret. 

[swilmarillion]

Who is better at math and physics between Melkor and Mairon? I bet Mairon finds those moments where Melkor functions like a human computer incredible sexy

That’s a tough call, honestly.  I mean, Melkor is, despite all appearances, damn good at math, but Mairon is an absolute whiz.  If it was classroom, conceptual math, Mairon would have it in the bag.  If we’re talking applied math and physics, though?  They’re both good in their own ways.  Mairon can think through complex computations and problem-solve little nitpicky things like no one’s business.  Melkor is good at coming up with hands-on solutions to mechanical problems.  They’re good at math and physics in different ways, and it makes them a great business team.

As for Mairon seeing Melkor at work...

               “Woah,”said Mairon, standing in the doorway, hand still on the doorknob.  Melkor was sitting on the living room floor, chewingabsentmindedly on the pencil in his hand, papers scattered in a three-footradius around him.  

               “Hey,”said Melkor, not looking up.  “There’sleftover Chinese in the fridge if you want it.”

               Maironclosed the door and hung his bag on the hook in the hall.  “What are you up to?” he asked, walking overto where Melkor sat, stopping short of the outer circumference of paper debris.

               “I’mreviewing some designs for new body structures,” Melkor said.  “All the results came in today.”

               “Andyou’re reviewing them?”

               “Hey,”Melkor said, looking up at last, managing an affronted scowl.  “I do some work here and there.  You know, when they need someone with anactual brain.”

               Maironlaughed.  “Okay then, Poindexter,” hesaid.  “What’s the verdict?”

               “I’mnot sure,” Melkor said, frowning and looking back at the paper in his lap.  “I had a team on each design, and I have togo through each one of their results packets to make sure I have all thenumbers I need to make a determination.”

               “Soundslike some serious work,” Mairon said.

               “Don’tmake fun,” Melkor said.

               “I’mnot,” said Mairon.  He mostly meantit.  

               “I’vebeen trying to sort through these packets for an hour,” he said, annoyed.  “They’re in no distinguishable order.  I can’t even find half the shit I want tocompare.”

               “Iwould sympathize,” Mairon said, “except that I’ve gotten similar input from youabout seventeen times too many.”

               “Shutup,” said Melkor, with no real venom in the words.  “Just let me bitch, will you?”

               “Here,”Mairon said, plucking a page from the piles in front of him.  “I see stress testing on this page.  Let’s start there.”

               “I’dlove to,” Melkor said.  “Except I thinkpacket number three forgot that section.”

               “Thenthat one’s out for testing,” Mairon said.

               “Fairenough,” said Melkor.  “Which one do youhave?”

               “Four,I think.”

               “Here’stwo,” Melkor said, handing him a page.  “And…”Helooked around for a moment.  “Here’s one,”he said, picking up another page.  Theyspread the pages out on the couch, and Melkor turned around to look at them,Mairon leaning over the arm of the couch to help.  

               “Areyou kidding me?” Melkor said, making a noise of disgust.  “Look at this.”  He jabbed a finger at submission numberone.  “They did one replicate.  One!  Whatthe fuck kind of determination can you make from one replicate test?”

               “None,”Mairon said.

               “Idiots,”Melkor said, shaking his head.  “I swearto God, my whole department is full of morons. How do these people even get degrees?”

               “Easykiller,” Mairon said, trying to stifle a grin.

               “Isthis what it’s like to be you?” Melkor asked, rubbing his eyes.  “Just constantly reminded that everyonearound you is way dumber than you are?”

               “It’s astruggle,” Mairon said, laughing.  “Although,I have to say, it’s much more entertaining when it’s not happening to me.”

               “Nowyou know how I feel,” Melkor said.

               “Touche,”said Melkor.  He sighed, running a handthrough his hair.  “I feel like I need tosit my whole department down and give them a crash course in how to dostatistics for fucking dummies.”

               “I’dpay money to sit in on that class.”

               “Oh,yeah?”

               “Oh, ahundred percent,” Mairon said, absolutely serious.  “First of all, seeing you teach a class wouldprobably be the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

               “Hey,”Melkor said, affronted.  “I’m good atmath.”

               “Oh, Iknow,” Mairon said.  “But watching youtry to explain it to people would be priceless.”

               “Imean, that’s fair.”

               “On theother hand,” Mairon said, “I probably couldn’t actually handle sitting in a class,watching you teach.”

               “Whynot?”

               “Becausewatching you do actual work and say smart math stuff is, uh, how do I put thisdelicately?  Oh, right.  Reallyfucking hot.”

               “Really?”Melkor said, sitting back on his heels and giving Mairon a look.

               “Absolutely,”Mairon said, nodding solemnly.

               “Well, then,”Melkor said, standing up, a mischievous grin creeping onto his face.  “Sounds like you need some privateinstruction then.”

               “I likethe sound of that,” Mairon said, reaching out to run a hand slowly up Melkor’schest.

               “Wantto start now?” Melkor asked, taking Mairon’s hand and kissing his palm.

               “Very, very much,” Mairon said, putting hishand to Melkor’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb.

               Melkortook Mairon’s hand and pulled him close, heedless of the papers scrunchingunder their feet.  Mairon put his armsaround Melkor’s neck, pressing himself to Melkor’s chest, and kissed him, hisfingers curling in Melkor’s hair, pulling gently.

               Melkor pickedhim up, and Mairon wrapped his legs around Melkor’s waist, kissing himagain.  “Come on,” Melkor said, his voicegaining a rough edge as he started down the hall.  “I know exactly where I want to start.”

[theliterateape]

The Trouble with Transactional Relationships and Recognizing Them

by Don Hall

"Who the FUCK spends $288.00 in a Denny's?!"

Back in the 80s, the Wild Wild West was known as King 8 Casino & Hotel and was host to the King 8 Grill. At the time it was one of the hottest spots to eat in Vegas off the strip. Today, the King 8 Grill is a Denny's franchise and separate from the casino and hotel. Managers can still comp guests (and staff) but the company pays the Denny's Corporation for the courtesy.

Given the lack of perks for the guests, the Denny's comp is about all the managers at the West have to placate those with a beef.

The machines are rough around the edges. Approximately a third of the Game Kings and Buffalo's are decades old and break down frequently while players have money in them. In the earlier days of Vegas, slot machines were mechanical. Today, they are almost entirely Microsoft computers, monitors, and bugs.

✶

I noticed one of my cocktail waitresses at two tall Buffalos. She was flanked by two women who were both a solid foot taller than she was and highly animated, talking and gesticulating wildly. I came over, saw that the two machines were frozen. One had $11.00 in it. The other had $10.00 but had frozen during a Bonus Round. I tapped my waitress out. "I got this."

I held up my hands dramatically.

"I'm going to predict the future!" I exclaimed. "I'm going to get into these machines and do my level best to get them up and running so you can continue playing and you can get your bonus round. For the next ten minutes or so, I will endeavor to fix this. But I'm going to say something now that, if I cannot get things up and running, will not change from now to then. If I can't get your machines up and running, you will be given your $11.00 and $10.00 back, no question but you will not be awarded for a Bonus Round unplayed. You will now commence to bitching about this while I work."

And bitch they did commence.

For eight minutes I pulled out all the tricks. I checked the bill validators. I unplugged and plugged back in the silver box, the blue box, and the main computers. I put in my special reset card and reset both machines twice.

All the while, the two women yelled non-stop about how they treat people at the MGM Grand, about how one was a nurse and if something didn't work with a patient it would be on the hospital to compensate them, that the casinos were all making so much money that we could afford to pay out Bonus Rounds even if they weren't played. During the cacophony, I learned that they were mother and daughter but hardly looked it, that they were there with 'boyfriends' who they didn't really know too well (neither could get the mother's male companion's name right), and that they played here at the West all the time.

"OK. I tried. I failed. As I predicted, you will now be refunded the money in your machines."

Immediate discord.

My hands went up again. "Alright. I hear you. Here's what I can do. For you (the mother) I can give you your $11.00 back. That's it. My apologies and $11.00. For you (the daughter) I can either shut down the machine and you can wait for a slot technician to come and fix it and then play your bonus round. That'll happen next week and I can call you if you win anything. Or I can refund your $10.00 and offer you a meal at the Denny's for your trouble."

A pause.

"How about four meals? There's four of us."

I did a quick calculation in my head. I could get away with four meals at Denny's and justify it if for no other reason than to shut these ladies up and move on with my day.

"OK. I can do four meals."

The four of them, satisfied, walked over to the Denny's. I went to the cage and got them their $21.00. I handed it off as they were getting drinks. "This is on the house," I told the waitress.

I went about my business.

Ninety minutes later, the Denny's waitress came over to give me the bill so I could fill out the comp slip.

"$288.00?! What the hell did they freaking order? Holy Shit!"

Four steak dinners. Four milkshakes. Four desserts. Three breakfasts, a sandwich, and a meatloaf platter to go along with two more milkshakes. An order of brownies. The list went on. I was stunned and furious.

I was so caught off guard, I left the casino to smoke and vent out loud to myself. The first trip around the property I was angry at them. The second trip, I realized I was pissed at myself. I had opened the gate; they had just walked through it.

Twenty minutes later, I came back and noticed they were still there. No longer at the Denny's but back playing the machines. I knew that as soon as my general manager saw the $288.00 comp, it was my ass but I thought I saw a way out. I approached the four, all smiles.

"Did you enjoy your meal? You should've because you got enough food to serve a football team!" And they laughed.

"You sticking around? If you are, can I get you some drinks on me?"

They were and I could. They ordered four double shots of Patron. $72.00 in tequila. "Absolutely!" I said. I was betting these idiots wouldn't be able to tell the difference between Patron and El Toro so I had the bartender pour four double shots of the latter. A $1.80 comp.

Sure enough, they didn't know the difference between premium tequila and horse piss so they were feeling quite taken care of. I kept this up, delivering my fake Patron double shots every 45 minutes or so, chatting them up, directing them to slots that I told them were big payouts but, in fact, were more like donation boxes.

Six hours later, they were plastered and had lost over $6,000.00. I had made my $288.00 back and then some.

A few months later, I saw them in the joint again. The mother was having a problem with her free play points. There was no chance I was being suckered twice. I explained that I could email our marketing department to look into it but there was nothing I could do for her at the moment.

"What about some Denny's?" the daughter asked.

"No. I'm sorry but I can't give out Denny's for a $5.00 free play issue."

"That's alright. We already jacked up that stupid manager." They both started laughing. They didn't recognize me as I had shaved my beard off since our first encounter. "We ordered $300.00 in food. We ate on that for two days. That white boy was DUMB."

Yes. He was.

✶

In the casino most of the relationships are openly transactional. That's the very nature of the business. The casino wants people to come in and lose their money on slots. The people want something in return if they keep losing. Everyone is looking to get one over on everyone else. The nicest encounters from the nicest people can turn ugly in seconds as soon as the staff refuses a request.

My difficulty in life has been my inability to recognize these transactional relationships outside of the casino.

When we moved to Vegas, we came out here with a friend who financed the move in exchange for our help. He was disabled and couldn't handle the move. We were friends and it all seemed kosher until we arrived and the move was complete. The transaction had been concluded but the relationship was cemented in our obedience to more transactions. After all, he was still disabled and expected that we would continue to do his bidding and as soon as either my wife or I refused a request, we became his enemies.

My second marriage was transactional. She wanted someone to produce her artistic inclinations; I wanted someone brilliant to create shows I would produce. When I stopped producing shows of any kind, she moved on to a mutual friend for a year before we divorced.

In the earliest days of the theater I founded in the nineties, I thought we were all in it together but whenever I attempted something that would benefit us all and I failed, my failure resulted in my perceived comrades in arms turning on me in a split second. I spent the first several years of that endeavor constantly worried that the ensemble would simply leave should I not meet the transactional requirements in place. Eventually I got tired of that pressure and when people left only to scorch the earth with tales of what an asshole I was, I couldn't be surprised.

I was definitely the asshole. I reneged on the premise of the relationships. I was there to serve them, they were there to be served. I rejected the premise thus the promise.

Upon reflection, I've never been great at making friends. I can lay blame on a host of reasons for this but I'd wager that the rolling stone nature of my growing up has me gaining status and relationships based in large part from what I can supply. I'm worth your time because of what I can do for you. As soon as I find myself resenting the transactional nature of the friendship, as soon as I stop doing things, the relationship becomes null and void.

I'm getting on in years at this point and I find a healthy sense of misanthropy is settling into my bones. My earlier inability to understand the transactional nature of so many of my relationships—from the assistant I trained at the public radio station who was instrumental in my resignation to the misperceived friends I had in Chicago who abandoned me in the face of controversy—has fostered a desire to be left alone.

Yes. There was a time when I blamed them, was angry at them. After a second walk around the property, I realized that I had opened the gate; they just walked through it. If anyone is to blame (as if assigning blame is either necessary or helpful) it is most definitely me. I am the asshole. I entered into the agreement of friendship in exchange for industry. I no longer have any desire for that sort of bought and paid for relationship. Thus multiple burnt bridges to multiple transactional friendships.

I am, gratefully, beginning to recognize those relationships based on mutual interest, common enthusiasms, and equal transactions. I'm beginning to see the joys of friendships without strings attached, without a contract.

✶

With the economy having taken a hit and employment moving further and further online, it concerns me that so much of our communication to one another has become strictly transactional. GoFundMe, Patreon, Buy Me a Coffee, OnlyFans. As our relationships grow exponentially from in-person to online, the mixed message of being a "friend" (the definition changing before our very eyes and meaning everything from 'friend' to 'subscriber' to 'follower') and a transactional partner is murkier.

I mean, Christ, I just started to see the difference in my own life and I'm over half a century old. I wonder if my niece is able to see the difference now that so many of her relationships are primarily digital. I wonder about kids who've spent the past year in lockdown and who's only relationships are within the social media platforms.

From this position I'm in, having realized the emptiness of transactional friendships, I offer a caution. Take a moment or two and reflect upon your relationships. The ones that are predicated on transaction are doomed.

[prairiechzhead]

PrairieChzHead Rewatches Poldark S3 Legally--US Ep 6/UK Ep 7.

I’m going to come right out and say it: this episode is my least favorite of S3. It made me feel things. Bad things. Bad as in angry things. Once scene in particular still makes me feel stabby. This is the first time I rewatched it since last July. 

When I submitted my answers for this one to the @poldarkpodcast, I tried to not mention that Thing That Made Me Stabby, but unfortunately, the stabby feeling would not go away, nor would it calm down. 

Let’s see if I calmed down since last July, shall we? 

What did you think of this week’s episode?

This episode made me angry. If and when I rewatch this one, I’m going to have to have copious amounts of alcohol with me in order to get through it.

No booze this time, although the first time I rewatched I was sitting with a tennis ball digging into my lower back because my muscles tensed up from bending over in the shower when I was shaving my legs. It’s supposed to help work the knots out. 

The second time I rewatched it, my lower back was still hurting and I’d slathered enough Salonpas (aka Wasabi Ben-Gay) over where the muscles were knotted up to make my eyes water. 

(Not that my back problems have anything to do with Poldark, but I’ve been having back problems lately.) 

After rewatching, I think I’m more depressed than angry. Almost everyone was miserable in this episode. 

Your favourite? Why?

The final confrontation between George and Agatha. The acting between Caroline and Jack was phenomenal.

This is still my favorite scene. George ruins Agatha’s party, but Agatha gets the last word, in a manner of speaking, because she gets into George’s head and plants doubts about Valentine’s parentage. 

There is a bit I saw on the DVD where little Clowance grabs a toy cow from Jeremy and I swear the little girl who plays her had a smirk of triumph on her face, which made me smile. 

Least favourite? Why?

When Ross learned that Agatha died and all Demelza could do was bitch at him about George becoming MP. I’m still LIVID over her behavior. Demelza is someone who has a quiet strength and grace, which is the perfect foil for Ross and his moodiness and impulsiveness. She is not submissive in the books. At least I didn’t feel she was. This Demelza is anything but that. I’m confused as to why Demelza would be surprised or angry that Ross would not want to be an MP. She’s always complaining that he’s never home. He hates the constraints of his social class, which he would be held to even more as MP than he is now. Ross is a grassroots kind of person and I think he knows this (which explains why he gifted land to the village and basically started Cornwall’s first CSA). He hates parties and balls and all that stuff and he’d be expected to go to more of those. She’s been married to him for 8 years or so. Shouldn’t she know this about him? Part of the speech she made in S2 E9 about her pride in Ross was that he was not like other men of his class. But now she wants him to be someone he’s not? Is this how the writers are going to justify her affair with Lord Byron, I mean, Hugh? Lord, I hope not.

Ross’s remark about men not paying attention to Demelza was annoying, but it annoyed me because it was a heavy-handed way for the writers to get across the point from the books that Ross took for granted Demelza would never act on the attention that she received from other men. That could have been handled better.

This final scene would be That Thing That Made Me Stabby. 

I have this emotional trigger about seeing people basically crap all over or pile on someone who is hurting emotionally or in an emotionally vulnerable place. Especially if the person taking that emotional crap is a spouse, significant other, or a parent. 

Let’s just say that this behavior hits too close to home and that I was the one being crapped on. It is tone-deaf, self-centered, and just hurtful to basically ignore and dismiss someone else’s feelings as if they don’t matter. 

That it is Demelza doing this is especially galling to me. This is the same woman who went to Trenwith and took care of Francis, Elizabeth, & Geoffrey Charles when they all had the putrid throat, despite the fact that Francis had called her a trull and basically banned her from Trenwith for her part in Verity’s elopement in S1. This despite the fact that she was jealous and wary of Elizabeth. This is the action of someone who is selfless and giving and compassionate, which is what Demelza is and what makes her such a strong, likable character in the novels (and the show).  

The woman who went to the beach to berate her grieving husband over something that could have waited, is not the real Demelza. The woman who would not allow herself to be baited by George, was baited by George. She is not the real Demelza. She is Pod Demelza. 

What is Pod Demelza? If you’ve ever seen Invasion of the Body Snatchers (or as Monday Night Football commentator Jon Gruden calls it, “that body snatchers movie”), you know what I mean. Pod Demelza is a fraudulent double put in to take the place of the Real Demelza, who was probably abducted by aliens or something like that. 

Ross’s remark in the show about men not paying attention to Demelza is heavy-handed and I still think it is heavy-handed. However, due to the time constraints on the TV adaptation, there is not enough time for DH to gradually develop the Very Bad Thing 2: Electric Boogaloo Story. 

Novel spoilers ahead. 

In the Four Swans, as Demelza’s attraction to Hugh grows, she is upfront about this to Ross. At the same time, Ross doesn’t seem bothered by what she is telling him because he takes for granted that she would never act on her attraction. When she does, and he suspects that she has, it affects him in such a way, the consequences spill into the next book. 

However, since DH is not given the time needed to develop this properly, we get Ross making asshat remarks like this. 

So while, as a woman, this annoys the piss out of me (and my middle finger would have suddenly gone upright), as a viewer who has also read the novels, I get why it’s necessary to have Ross say things like this. 

I still want to flip a bird, but it’s easier to resist the urge. 

Favourite new character? Why?

Emma. I think Sam has met his match. :)

I love Emma. I love her sass. The storyline with her and Sam will come to a head in S4, but I’m not that thrilled that their storyline got short-shrifted in S3. I would have liked to see more of Sassy Emma and Pious Sam. 

Least favourite new character? Why? New and Improved Season 3 Demelza® ! Now with 75% more feistiness!.  If being selfless and kind and compassionate means you’re being a housewife and in the background, then please, let Demelza be a housewife again. It’s like there is virtually no trace of the Demelza from S1 that selflessly went to Trenwith and took care of Francis, Elizabeth, and Geoffrey Charles when they had the putrid throat because she couldn’t bear to know that they were suffering. There’s no trace of the Demelza, who, in the middle of her marital woes with Ross in S2, put that aside to console him when the mine caved in. Instead, we’re left with a snarky, bitchy, shallow person who answers to Demelza Poldark, but doesn’t resemble the woman who is Ross’s counterbalance, partner, and sounding board. Demelza of Old would not have run after Ross to bitch at him about not accepting the offer to be MP when he found out his oldest living relative just passed away. Prudie showed more compassion towards Ross when he learned of Agatha’s passing than his own wife did.  

I will not apologize for hating Pod Demelza. Never. Never ever, not ever. George put that bit in the letter in order to bait Ross and Demelza fell for it. 

If I had to pick a different least favorite new character, it would be Rowella, because I know her storyline. She’s a conniver, that girl. (Although in her defense, she is conniving against Reverend Toe Sucker, and he gets what he deserves.) 

Ossie is gross and nasty and vile. Horribly, horribly vile. 

What made you cheer?

Dwight and Caroline’s 30 seconds of screen time. I’ve given up on them getting any substantial storyline in this series, so I’m going to take whatever moments of screen time I can get and cherish them.

Also...

The bit when Armitage was going to go up to Demelza at the Carolight Nuptials but Ross cut him off, leaving Lord Byron to stare forlornly at the two departing figures. That made me cheer. 

What made you want to throw things at the television/computer screen?

Demelza. I don’t know what the writers did with the Demelza of old, but I’m not liking season 3 Demelza very much and this episode just cemented all the reasons why. Demelza is supposed to be a grown-ass woman and mother of two kids, but suddenly she is acting like an immature teen-aged girl. It felt to me that Demelza was constantly trying to pick fights with Ross. One example, from a conversation I was in about this on Tumblr, was that it seemed like she would bring up something prickly, like Valentine’s rickets for example, and then when Ross wouldn’t react the way she expected, she would get angry with him. From what I’ve seen so far, I’m not liking the direction of how this Demelza/Hugh thing is panning out. There were some conversations in the books between Ross and Demelza in this particular story thread that I would love to see acted out on screen, but I doubt that those conversations fit within the “Ross is ignoring me so I’ll find another man who will give me attention” storyline.

Three months later and this scene still makes feel things. I still want to hurl things, but not necessarily heavy things. 

A second thing that made me want to throw things at my TV was when other people *cough, cough* Lord Falmouth & Hugh Armitage *cough, cough* who hijacked the Carolight show wedding and made it about Ross, who was clearly embarrassed about this. (But yes, I do get that the wedding is supposed to be a “stand in” for other parties in the novel, and the excessive praise for Ross happened at another party.) Dwight can toast whomever he wants because it’s his wedding. The others...well, it’s pretentious and rude. 

A third thing that makes me still want to throw things at my TV is the “whose Valentine’s Daddy” speculation. There was no talk or speculation about Valentine’s baby daddy in the novels until Agatha got into George’s head and George’s behavior towards Valentine and Elizabeth changed. So then, out of nowhere, Demelza brings up Valentine having rickets and Dwight treating the child. She does this as if she suspects that Ross is Valentine’s father, and when she gets irritated because he doesn’t care like she thinks he should, I’m feeling the stabbiness return. 

In order to make the Demelza/Hugh thing plausible for TV, they have to make Demelza have a reason to be ticked off enough at Ross to go out and roll in the dunes with Armitage. I hate this in general, but I specifically hate this because it has Demelza picking a fight when that is out of character. She gets annoyed and they argue, but I don’t recall her purposely picking fights in the novel. However, Ross, in this instance is still true to the novels in that he neither knows nor speculates on Valentine’s parentage. He doesn’t until the church scene in Four Swans and even then, it doesn’t occur to him when Elizabeth brings it up. 

A fourth thing that makes me want to throw things at the TV is not that Demelza feels Ross is ignoring her. It’s how she reacts--that she is behaving so passive-aggressively and at times, looking for reasons to be ticked off with him. But she won’t tell him what is wrong. I dislike people who do this. It’s so manipulative and childish. 

A fifth thing that makes me want to throw things at the TV is that Demelza wants Ross to be an MP, even though in the novels, she agreed with his decision to turn down Bassett’s offer because she knew he would chafe at being on someone else’s leash and having to bend to someone else’s will. 

A sixth thing that makes me want to throw things at the TV is Hugh contriving to be invited to a party thrown by Francis Basset even though his uncle, Lord Falmouth and Bassett hate each other. Subtle, Hugh. Real subtle. You’re as subtle as the air in a room full of people after they ate Taco Bell. 

By the way, that party looked deadly, deadly dull. I can’t blame Ross for not wanting to go. 

I know, the books are not supposed to be the same as the show. But once you read the novels, you get very attached to these characters and when you see them being out of character, it can make one feel strong feelings. I can overlook some things, but not others. 

What was your performance of the week? Jack Farthing & Caroline Blakiston and how they performed the final confrontation between George and Agatha. This is one of those scenes from the book I was looking forward to seeing on the show and both of them delivered.

I will miss their barbed exchanges. I am glad that the final exchange was true to the books and that the outcome, Agatha getting into George’s head, which is her having the last word, happened. Also, George’s “there will be no party” was spot on. You could literally feel the hatred between the two characters. 

Bravo and well-done! 

Any other observations you wish to share with us!

Sam is growing on me. :)

I liked that Elizabeth referred to Agatha as “my aunt” when Agatha died. Technically she wasn’t her aunt, but it’s one of those little things that shows that Elizabeth did still care about Agatha. It’s also one of those little moments that show us Elizabeth’s humanity, especially after her seeming to cross over to the Dark Side.

I know that Elizabeth is not a nice character. But it’s nice that they showed that she did care about Agatha. 

Sam had to grow on me because his religious fervor is more heavy-handed than it is in the novels, and that heavy-handedness can be off-putting. 

I’ve felt that the season 3 episodes were rushed. With the edits that PBS makes, the episodes feel rushed and choppy. The slight edits (the one or two seconds shaved here and there) are more noticeable than they were in S2. The larger edits are especially noticeable.

My local PBS station starts with their local sponsors at 7:58 pm. The "previously on Poldark” and the national sponsors begin at 8:00 pm. The actual opening credits start at 8:02. 

Also, there was a new donor this week, one Carol Vasiladis. I wonder if she’ll ever get to tell us in person how much she enjoys Masterpiece Theater. 

Demelza still comes off as a stroppy, snarky teenager, which is totally opposite of her characterization in the novels, but it’s more pronounced in this episode. I still hate this and I always will.

Also, I just listened to Four Swans on Audible.com as I am rewatching this episode, and it’s making the things I dislike about Demelza’s characterization even worse than when I first saw this episode.

Like I said, when you read the novels, you get very attached to the story and the characters. 

And Favorite Aunt Agatha memory #RIPAuntAgatha

There are so many Agatha moments to like. I think the thing I will miss the most about Aunt Agatha is her running commentary. She’s like a living, breathing episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. 

There are many Agatha moments I love. But I think this one will always be my favorite because it sums up her sassiness. (Plus there’s Bonus Francis footage, because I miss Francis. I think everyone misses Francis.) 

Next week is US Ep 7/ UK Episode 8. We’re getting deeper into the Hugh Armitage storyline, which is not one of my favorite things in the novels. It’s really not one of my favorite things on the show. It’s also the second to last episode of Season 3, which also means that the December Pledge drive is coming up. 

[buffylikescoke]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 11#7

"I'll be in my bunk" ~ Willow Rosenberg

At first I found this issue quite decent, though maybe a bit boring but after giving it some more thought I can say with full conviction that "Disempowered" is this season's weakest moment.

The issue opens with secretary Reyes announcing a permanent solution to the supernatural problem. The government gives the zone denizens an option of being drained of magic or, as the fascist pig puts it, of what makes them a threat. Those that agree to go through the process are free to leave the ghetto. Their legal status is to be normalized and records expunged - expunged of what, exactly? The crime of existing? Fascists. Later on Lake, Willow's devoid of personality ex-girlfriend, even calls it an amnesty. Fucking fascists. Oh, and they might get some reintegration assistance - a carrot before the stick as Willow and Spike point out and hey, Willow and Spike can talk to each other, without Buffy in the panel, how cool is that? So how does the zone's population react? Some are delighted actually, but those that cannot survive without magic obviously are not and soon fights start breaking out between the two groups. During one of such fights stopped by Buffy, a nu-pire accuses a werewolf, very happy to get rid of his wolfhood, of abandoning his own kind. The vampire is afraid that when the majority leaves the zone, those that can't or won't take the government's deal will face ethnic cleansing. About that werewolf. He looks like garbage. If I didn't learn that this is supposed to be a werewolf from the dialogue I'd assume that it's just a dude in a fursuit or a were-rabbit (were-bunny?) or something! Not happy with werewolves holding conversations in their wolfed-out state either but since that already happened in season eight, I can't complain, I suppose.

But what about Scoobies? Their main worry is that the newly announced magic draining process is a smaller scale version of the machine the government is secretly building and that the endgame might be to zap the entire country with de-magicking ray. Spike suggests that Buffy and Willow accept the government’s offer, lose their powers and try to stop whatever is happening from the outside since apparently it's impossible to escape. Excuse me, what the fuck did Willow do in the previous issue? She walked out of the camp, with Buffy. So what keeps her from, again, walking the fuck out, grabbing Buffy and teleporting the fuck away? Not enough power? Isn't Willow, like, overflowing with power from all the wiccans she drained? Is it the wiccans that keep her inside? Later Willow talks to her coven and suggests that the witches still in the zone should take the deal and reveals that she might as well. OK, but what exactly makes them unsafe inside of the zone? I get that it's full of vampires and demons but we haven't seen any actual violence directed at the wiccans, not a single one of them was even attacked! If they're in such danger, then why not show that hypothetical danger instead of just constantly talking about it? The witches repeat the arguments we've heard in the previous issue, when Willow was doing the draining ( spiritual mutilation, violation and so on ) After the coven's meeting is done Calliope comes to talk to Willow about her decision and Willow reveals that she has a plan. Kind of. We don't learn what this plan entails in this issue but I'm hopeful. Willow asks Calliope to trust her, Calli ( can be Calli? Callio? 'Liope? ) kisses her but Willow stops her yet again because it's not right. Calli promises to break up with her girlfriend but Willow tells her not to. Basically, Willow's worried that Calliope is attracted to her because of the situation they're in and that Calli might feel differently when they're out of the zone. Willow's attitude here kinda reminds me of Oz a little bit in season two which is interesting. Anyway, is Calliope really the best the writers can do in Willow's love interest department? The bar was set impossibly low with Lake and so far, Calliope just doesn’t look like an improvement. In the end Calliope takes the deal and leaves the zone.

Buffy has more doubts about giving up her power and guess who shows up to help her make up her mind? Yes, it's captain cardboard and his wife. Buffy points out that without her power she'll be defenseless against everything ever that wants to kill her. Sam is quick to say that Buffy can take self-defense classes and grab a gun ( We had a scene like this in retreat by the way, with Buffy and Giles - derivative much? ) It's stupid. No amount of guns and Krav Maga can protect Buffy from the likes of, say, Drusilla? And yeah, sure, normal humans aren't exactly defenseless but normal humans haven't been pissing off the forces of darkness since they were fifteen! Of course, Riley says that Buffy's really worried about Spike, and I mean, sure, Buffy is worried about leaving Spike in the zone but reducing an issue this complex to just Buffy's love interest the way Riley does is ignorant, even for Riley. Buffy expresses more of her concerns in a conversation with Willow and Spike later at night. Visually, this scene is breathtaking, it’s wallpaper material, the writing, however, is just atrocious. The more you read into it, the worse it gets. It's like an onion made of shit, a shit onion if you will, the more layers you peel off...well, you get the point. What we have here is Willow spewing a nonsensical, pop-psychology polluted speech. For goodness' sake, Willow doesn't even talk like that, she doesn't make speeches at people, this reads like Buffy at her most pretentious pretending to be Willow. Anyway, according to our witch magic is what makes Buffy and Willow special. This is why they're afraid of taking the deal. They don't want to become normal, like Xander and Dawn. So we just have to believe in ourselves, says Willow, who we are without all the bells and whistles. Which I fully admit is scary as hell. Willow, seriously, you managed to restore magic without those bells and whistles, you lose those bells and whistles practically every season - so what could you possibly be afraid off at this point? Willow also equates Buffy's fighty with her witchy. Problem is, those two things are nothing alike, one is a birthright, the other is a skill. Everybody can do magic in Buffyverse, even the normal guy Xander. Willow's a turbo-witch because she put in the effort. Acquiring of power is basically 90% of her story and she's very much proud of having earned that power. Xander spent years figuring out how to kick ass, says then Buffy. As opposed to Willow? Shaking my head. Even if Willow says all this only to convince Buffy to take the deal, even if the intention here is to parallel the closing scene of "Wrecked" it’s still just monumentally stupid. Oh, and that cheerleader obsessed with clothes and shoes line is kinda ironic seeing how Willow's much more of a fashionista than Buffy these days.

Next day Buffy and Willow go through the procedure. They put their hands on a panel of an occult machine and with the mundanity akin to an X-ray test, it's done, they're magic free. Yes, again. OK, how many times were Buffy's powers taken away from her in the TV series? Once, in "Helpless", it’s ~30 minutes out of seven seasons. You know why it was done only once? Because it's not an action series when the protagonist can't do action. This is the third time this is happening in the comics - Tibet, Robot Buffy - fuck you, it counts! And Willow! With the exception of season 10, the Willow can't do magic storyline has been done in every season since season six, every fucking season they do this shit. Six - Willow's addicted, seven - a Wicca who won't-a, eight - twilight and goddesses and whatever, nine - no seed. And now, after a season where a common complain about Willow was that she's just constantly getting her ass kicked, they do it again. When you do it every season it's not exciting, it's not interesting, it's just obnoxious. And what else is there left to explore here anyway?! In a twelve issue season?! There's five issues left and now we have an action series with two leads that can't do any action, that's like making a musical with actors that can't sing oh wait.... But don’t worry, they'll just bring Faith over to handle the ass-kicking and possibly rename the series to Faith and her bitches. Jesus. But that's nothing, really. If that's the story the artists choose to tell then whatever, I’ll deal. You know what's the real problem with this issue and the rest of this season? The characterization. Buffy and Willow show no initiative! And they weren't like this in the TV series, quite the opposite actually, so what changed? And if you're gonna tell me that they grew up I'm gonna super-literally bitch slap you through the internet! They don't act, they're acted upon, submit, completely passive. So far it's been an entire season of we can't do this, it's impossible, it'd be a suicide. Give me back my action-fucking-heroines! Now! I demand!

On her way out of the camp Buffy is given the scythe back because why would a magic hungry government even want to keep one of the most powerful magical artifacts in existence? Jordan throws the weapon at Buffy, which topples her over because the scythe is apparently heavy. What? I know that Willow probably picks up heavy things and puts them down occasionally because I've seen her ass but come on, she's been running around with the scythe for months just fine. Heavy? This is nonsense! So...what did I like? I liked Buffy and Spike! They're funny, they're sexy, they're entertaining! I have to give credit where credit is due, all the coupley stuff is actually pretty top notch in this issue! Yeah, the missing I love you felt forced and unnatural and why is it even such a big deal but other than that, it's all good! The art, aside from that werewolf, looks incredible - the inking is super-sharp, the colors beautiful and vibrant. Art team, one, writing team, zero!

Wow, seven fucks! Yeah, "Disempowered" is trash. It's a derivative, boring, nonsensical mess. But hey, at least we're finally out of the safe zone. I hope to be proven wrong but with five issues to go, I'm afraid that pacing will turn out to be an issue this season.

[issyaboimoony]

More works in progress for Chiccolo

This one is: Bulma owns a store, and Piccolo works as a manager. Shenanigans ensue from there. To let you know how high-brow I intended this work to be, here’s a quote that was planned for later in the story:

“Is that all my finger in your ass meant to you that night?” Bulma demanded. Her brow was scrunched up in the most incredulous way as she glared at a rather disgruntled Vegeta. Piccolo was left, once again, with the deepest desire to leave this spiritual plane.

Worker AU

If you asked Piccolo if he was proud of his current occupation, you would probably receive a rather ethereal grunt, coupled with the most perfectly executed cold shoulder that any creature on Earth had ever managed to conjure up. It was all, Piccolo had learned, in the exact sixty-three point five degree turn that one had to use, that truly just spelled out the ‘fuck you’ nature of its intent. Sure, some people went for a sloppy eighty-five—but they paid dearly for it when the impact was lessened.

Regardless, his current occupation consisted of what was essentially babysitting, but for adults. And unlike everything else that earned that particular subtitle, there was no drinking, no fun, and certainly no sexual escapades of any kind. All that was offered as a reward was that Piccolo wanted to completely pluck all his non-existent hair out of his skull and promptly move to the Caribbean, where for once his species would work in his favor and he could soak up all that glorious sunlight.

He couldn’t exactly cash in on his 401k yet, though, and was thus left sitting dismally at a desk, punching in schedules as his boss rattled on behind him.

“Listen—it’s just, last year the decorations were so lame. I mean, I pay top notch, and what do I get? Some Great Value looking garbage taped to the walls? I don’t think so.”

“You chose to use decorations from our store,” Piccolo pointed out, voice devoid of all interest. The computer screen gave him an ominous flicker, that seemed to be a warning that if he were to handle anything improperly, it would promptly shit itself just to spite him. He didn’t want to go back to doing schedules by hand, so he tapped the left button ever so lightly.

“Whatever. This year, I guess I’m going all out. When people walk into Capsule Corp, I want them to get the ol’ razzle-dazzle! Y’know what I mean?”

Piccolo furrowed his brow as the computer beeped. He quickly removed his hand from the keyboard where he’d been letting it rest. Innocuous as it was, he didn’t know what exactly would set the machinery off. This stuff was ancient—which was really hilarious, considering his boss was highly trained in electronics, what with her father being the lead engineer in this day and age.

“Hey! Piccolo! Are you listening to me?”

Ah, if there was one thing that he had to do whenever his boss was present, it was listen. Bulma Briefs was, for lack of a better word, an all around bitch. Not that Piccolo particularly minded that, however it is certainly something that must be mentioned when discussing her. Bulma was the kind of woman who would stab you, and then cuss you out, sue you, and petition for your arrest all because you bloodied up her red Prada shoes. The woman was tall (for a human anyways), and to quote some vulgar co-workers, “built like a brick shit house”. While Piccolo didn’t know much about that, he could certainly ascertain to his boss being one of the most terrifying humans to ever walk the Earth. Her voice could cut through any noise, at any level. She could call you everything but a child of God all with a cheery little smile perked upon her lips. And she would assign you mandatory overtime on nights where she could tell that you were feeling particularly tired.

(That last one was a bit of a sore spot for Piccolo. He’d mentioned, in passing, that his wrists had been hurting as of late. Fast forward to post-lunch, where Bulma had immediately sprang on him that she needed him to stay late and handle a bunch of paperwork, then to sort it as well as he could.)

“I’m listening,” Piccolo finally responded. He flicked his ears in her direction. “So what’s your plan?”

“Order from elsewhere, duh.” Bulma gave him a critical look. “While you’re in here messing around on the computer, have you done a perimeter check?”

“I did earlier.”

“When?”

“Around noon.”

“Well, go do another one. You know they get antsy after meals.” Bulma flopped down into her plush leather chair—which Piccolo eyed greedily. His own chair was a tiny one that Bulma had taken off the floor once it was discovered that the thing was bent. Now Piccolo had to hunker over his computer in what Bulma assured him was a rather comical way.

Piccolo rose to obey the orders, and said chair screamed in agony as he rose. His elbow ever so gently knocked the desk, which in turn seemed to personally offend the computer. He stared in misery as the computer gave a rather haughty beep, before promptly erasing all his work by restarting itself for an update.

He gritted his fangs together, rose to his full seven feet, and stomped out of the room to go check on the workers. Already agitated by the loss of the schedule, he found himself less than eager (more than usual, anyways) to deal with the employees. If there was one thing that Bulma did not do, it was hire efficiently.

Piccolo’s first stop was the apparel area, where two girls occupied the stations. Lazuli and Marron ran this department with it bearing the nickname the Love Triangle (courtesy of Bulma). Unfortunately for everyone involved, Marron had once dated the Electronics man—Krillin. It had led to disgusting displays of affection, and for Piccolo to act as HR, and carry the Code and Conduct book with him everywhere he went. When that had crashed, and burned, Piccolo had hoped for peace. He had been sorely mistaken, however, as Bulma had soon hired Lazuli. At which point Bulma had sent him a rather lengthy text message about how she’d seen Lazuli eating lunch with Krillin. As much as Piccolo had wanted to ignore this, he’d been put on strict guard duty to ensure nothing else happened.

If Piccolo were being honest, though, he was certain that his station here was specifically meant for surveillance.

“Lazuli! Lazuli!” Marron’s grating voice reached Piccolo’s ears as he stomped through all of the clothing scattered about. “Have you read this magazine yet?” She was waving a glossy looking pamphlet in Lazuli’s direction, pointing emphatically at the cover. “Isn’t this guy dreamy? And oo—look at her eyelashes!”

Lazuli merely slid Marron a rather bored look, before returning to filing her nails. She did pause at Piccolo’s approach, however, and gave him a passing glance.

“Your department needs zoning,” Piccolo snarled.

Marron pouted her lips at him. “It looks perfectly fine.”

Piccolo toed a rather strappy looking shirt with his foot. “You certain about that?”

She grimaced. “Okay, okay, Mr. Grumpy Britches.”

“I’m your boss!”

“I got it.” Marron tossed her magazine to the side. “All right, Lazuli! Let’s get to folding!”

“And don’t just stuff them in a buggy like last time,” Piccolo instructed. “I had to call Gyumao to come and help.”

“I’m sure that must have eaten you up.” Lazuli said. Her voice was unnaturally bland, and Piccolo growled in her direction. The two were in action, though, and that was what mattered. They weren’t really that bad, drama aside. Marron seemed to think Lazuli was her best friend, while Lazuli treated the girl with something like indifference. With just the tiniest bit of prodding they actually worked pretty well.

He left the apparel section, and barely paused to give Krillin a nod in electronics. Krillin was never an issue Post-Marron. He worked hard, was always incredibly friendly, and managed to zone while running his freight. He was a blessing upon this cursed land. The only other worker he could actually count on was—

“Goddammit—Goku’s doing It again!” Bulma’s voice crackled from Piccolo’s ear piece, and he groaned. It didn’t really need to be elaborated on, because he already knew what was happening. He’d go to Housewares, where Son Goku would be doing something inane, with Goofball Smile #5 locked on his face. It had already been banned in the store—as well as smiles 1-4, due to the horrific effect it had on Gyumao. The woman was rendered completely useless after direct exposure to it, and it had been deemed too powerful to be allowed to run rampant any longer. Piccolo had to get to Housewares quick before Gyumao dropped another toaster.

Piccolo took off down the action alley, and finally arrived at the Housewares department, where Goku was rambling on about his recent workout, with Gyumao staring at him, a rather drippy smile hanging from her face.

The Goku-Deal was rather disappointing, considering that Gyumao was otherwise one of the best workers in the store. She ran Housewares like it was a war-zone, where anyone and everyone was under fire at all times. She helped customers so fast that often they would forget what they had come in for after she’d already walked them to the section, rattled off details, and had jumped to the next unsuspecting group. She ran all her freight in record time, hoisting entire couches over her head and up onto shelves. It had been the single most impressive thing that Piccolo had ever seen anyone do.

“Well, hey, Cheech—you should join me n’ Yamcha sometime soon! You’re real strong, ain’tcha?” Goku had dropped down to smile #3, and even though Piccolo knew that it was all unintentional, he still wanted to punch Goku dead in his face. Gyumao was completely at a loss, merely nodding along as Goku talked.

“Son!” Piccolo interjected, getting there just in time to watch the grip that Gyumao had on the daybed grow a bit wobbly.

“Hey, best buddy!” Goku greeted cheerily, and Piccolo grimaced.

“I’m your boss.” Piccolo felt as if he were constantly reminding his workers of this fact. Of course, it wasn’t entirely their fault. Bulma ran a pretty loose, and sometimes hectic, ship. Often her only commands came as a surprise to everyone, and were based off of odd whims that she had—and she used Piccolo to enact them. He often ended up looking like a fool in front of the very people who were supposed to listen to him.

“Sure, Piccolo, I know that.” Goku gave his best serious face—which was just two notches from a boyish grin.

Piccolo sighed. “You’re needed over in Toys; a customer wants a bike pulled down.”

“Of course!” Goku saluted and took off then. He jogged backwards energetically, and waved to both before he zipped around a corner.

With Goku gone, Gyumao reverted to her usual self, and gave Piccolo a rather acidic glare.

“You can quit pretending. I know Bulma sent you over here ‘cuz she thinks I can’t handle myself around Goku.” Chi Chi’s face seemed to be daring him to say otherwise—but Piccolo wasn’t an adrenaline seeking person. He preferred his face stay attached to his skull. He decided to merely shrug.

[ghoultyrant]

FoZ Notes 2

Continuing adventures in posting notes on Familiar of Zero. They’re still formatted primarily for my use, but hey other people might get something out of reading them.

----------------------------

Louise's home is 3 days ride from the academy. The lake with an island and some kind of building that Louise likes to hide in is canon. The father has retired from military duty, whatever that means given he's a medieval noble. Louise has a dream conflating Saito with Viscount Wardes. First clear sign from the story that she's Tsundereing at him.

... and Saito is convinced she loves him and is trying to do Japanese-style noncommunicative signaling of such. Because Saito is a moron, and doesn't understand that the culture he's in now is different from the one he grew up in. How, exactly, has he not cottoned on to that?

Oh god Saito stop being a rapist. Derflinger, stop encouraging him.

Jesus fuck Saito is a rapist.

Frankly, Louise's abuse of him following this is completely understandable. Holy fuck. [Reader note: yes, Saito attempts to have sex with Louise while she’s asleep on the idea that she wants him to do so. And Derflinger cheerleads this while stroking Saito’s ego. Saito makes everything worse]

Genoa, maximum security prison in the city of Tristain. I'm unsure why a faux-medieval culture has a maximum security prison? [Future note: we never hear about this place ever again after this]

Wood can't be transmuted. [Future note: I think this is never violated, actually. Then again, transmutation drops off in relevancy after this volume] Mages need wands to cast, except when they don't, because consistency.

Fouquet is also known as Mathilda. She's apparently an Albion noble whose father was, she claims, killed by the Albion royal family and her family's lands annexed by the same. She gets approached in prison by someone wanting to recruit her to fight for the Albion anti-royal revolution. He claims to be a part of a border-spanning group of nobles that wants to reunite Halkeginia into one empire, like Brimir made back in the day. [Reader note: Reconquistador is the name of the group, if the following notes don’t make that obvious]

Elves are east and control "the holy land".

Eventually Fouquet accepts, because otherwise the Reconquistador will just kill her. (Odd that we're using a Spanish name in a world with no Spain-expy) [Future note: the official translations seem to go with ‘Reconquista’, but I’m not sure why they would do that]

More casual social abuse of Louise. Claim that Kirche can't use water healing spells, playing around with Kirche's "runic name", but not actually connecting it to affinity or otherwise explaining why Louise would think such. [Future note: Eventually affinity-based stuff largely stops cropping up. This is probably for the best, as the author doesn’t use it for much of anything and can’t keep it straight anyway]

Louise has literally made Saito act as a dog because of his attempted rape. Whips him extensively, continuing to suggest the author has no clue how horrible a whipping is.

While people are uncomfortable with the whipping, at least the degree of it, nobody intervenes. Halkeginia is fucked up.

New teacher: Kaita the Gust. He's basically Snape. Massive ego. [Future note: I’d forgotten about this guy. I think all he does is deliver his nonsense about wind being the strongest element to set up for the Wind Clone Jutsu and then stop existing in the plot]

Henrietta has been visiting Germania, probably visiting the school on Brimir's birthday.

A unicorn "crossed" with a "crystal staff" is a symbol marking the carriage as Henrietta's. Her carriage is drawn by unicorns, which "legend" says only the purest of maidens can ride. [Future note: Later we have men riding unicorns without commentary or explanation. The author seems to just treat unicorns as ‘fancy-pants royal horses’]

Cardinal Mazarin has an even more ostentious carriage, showing who's got the power right now. "Rumored" to "have commoner blood". [Future note: This plotpoint never pays off] In spite of having his own carriage, rides with Henrietta??

Magic Imperial Guard is made of "most prominent" noble families. Male only. Question: how does this work, bar being based in taking only non-heir sons for its ranks?

Henrietta is "of course" a mage, royal blood. (Question: if it breeds that true, why are mages a minority?) [Future note: Answer? Because shut up] 17 years old. [Future note: Probably by Halkeginian standards, which would make her over 18 by our standards]

... okay Henrietta and Mazarin playing off of each other is legitimately great. [Future note: This doesn’t last]

The two of them know about the Reconquistadors, establish that they [The Reconquistadors] may win in Albion any day now. Albionese royalty is all family to Henrietta, Germania not so much. Albion is the "White Country." It is one of three countries whose royal family apparently traces back to Brimir's time, supposedly bestowed by him outright. (Interesting variation on Divine Right to Rule) [Future note: Wait, three? I’d think it would be four]

Mazarin takes a surprisingly Survival of the Fittest mentality to royal families. If they can't handle their shit, they "don't deserve to exist." Harsh.

The alliance with Germania is supposedly intended to protect Tristain from the Reconquistadors.

Wardes shows up, mounted on a Griffon. Interestingly, he has a long beard. Mustache, too. The Mage Guard apparently has three divisions, of of which rides Griffons. Wardes is "the Lightning".

... Saito is so stupid that he thinks his rape being rebutted means he can't be jealous of a man who has Louise's attention. How are you this retarded, Saito?

Saito molests Louise. Goddammit.

Henrietta shows up in secrecy at Louise's room. Louise drops into formality, because Duty And Honor. Henrietta wants to have SOMEONE who can be informal with her!

... Henrietta manipulates, rather transparently, Louise into asking what her problem is. Dammit. This leads into "Louise, go get my love letter to Prince Wales for me, so as to prevent scandal wrecking my Germanian marriage I don't even want". Except she refuses to reveal the contents.

Louise voluntarily decides to depart immediately. School? Whatever!

Guiche is in love with Henrietta... volunteers to go on the mission, having eavesdropped. Huh.

Henrietta gives Louise a "Water Ring" that was her mother's, calls it a good luck charm and explicitly tells Louise she can sell it if she needs funds. Wow, Henrietta.

Guiche's familiar is a mole the size of "a small bear", called Verdandi. He thinks it's adorable.

Wardes is assigned to the group...

Port City La Rochelle: two days ride from Tristain-the-city. So closer than the Valliere estate. Fouquet hires a bunch of mercenaries on white-mask's orders. White-mask informs the men that if they run in battle, he will Commissar them himself. [Reader note: In the 40k sense]

Griffons tire slowly?

... so no, the Guard is NOT sensibly designed. Viscount Wardes is his family's head, and became a Griffon Knight AFTER his father died. Goddammit.

Louise literally forgot about her engagement prior to the dream reminding her. Surprisingly, she's actually questioning whether she loves Wardes or not!

Kirche and Tabitha have been following our morons the whole time.

Kirche woke Tabitha up to follow, and Tabitha didn't even bother changing out of her pajamas. Louise, for some goddamn reason, reveals that they're on a secret mission from Her Majesty. It's not secret if you tell everyone about it!

Kirche then hits on Wardes for no reason. This is "the first time" a "male" has turned her down flatly, somehow. She didn't realize Wardes is Louise's fiancee. She's quick to move on and latch back onto Saito afterward, because she thinks Saito is jealous. She wants to be wanted?

Wardes recognizes the Gandalfr runes on sight. Tries to convince Louise she's awesome because she can "control" such a one. Claims it proves she has great magic. WTF, Wardes? [Future note: In retrospect this makes even less sense]

Louise is 16 years old. (Wardes, thus, is 26) one year younger than Henrietta, and actually fairly old/adult by medieval standards. [Future note: I think the math puts Wardes at 30 or so in Earth years]

Louise knows Siesta often feeds Saito. So Louise is apparently willing to pretend ignorance when others soften the cruelty of her actions? Interesting. [Future note: Louise is later flanderized such that this is unimaginable of future Louise]

Apparently just holding a weapon can be exploited to turn you into a ninja. Okay?

Derflinger has an odd habit of making weird comparisons.

Inconsistent treatment of "potential fall from two stories" -is it mild, amusing semi-violence or is it genuinely potentially lethal? [Reader note: As in, the story has people both reacting like such a fall is potentially serious and acting like pushing someone off a flying dragon is something plausible to do in good fun]

Wardes claims he dug through a royal library to find out Saito was the Gandalfr.

Wait, the hotel is an ex-castle? Huh.

Derflinger has 180-ed, going from "I'm a sword, so romance is incomprehensible to me" to constantly making remarks about Saito's love life. Consistency! [Future note: It gets worse]

One moon is white, the other... is pink?... and apparently Albion's motion through the sky is connected to lunar cycles??

Louise explicitly saying her treatment of Saito is because she's a noble and is trying to prevent rumors. Honor And Duty.

Louise claiming she wouldn't lie because she's a noble. Honor And Duty.

Fouquet showing up, which admittedly is fairly plausible since Albion-accessing-port etc.

Kirche doing this weird Japanese frenemy thing of "just to be clear, this thing I am doing to help you is not actually a thing I am doing to help you, I TOTALLY have a selfish reason." Ugh. [Future note: So yes we’ve gone from Kirche is a horrendous bitch to Kirche is a frenemy in one volume, and later the story drops the ‘frenemy’ thing entirely and just has Kirche friends with Louise outright. It’s as dumb as it sounds]

At this point I'm pretty sure the "one spell manipulation at a time" thing the fan-thread brings up is bullshit, at least in regard to golem mechanics. [Reader note: I read a thread on Spacebattles summarizing FoZ canon info before starting reading the story. The thread makes the story seem more consistent than it actually is] Also, Kirche is a moron putting on makeup in combat.

How is "roflstomping our attackers" a DISTRACTION?

... why the fuck does setting a golem on fire with OIL result in it sinking to its knees, where before the golem simply ignored the flames? And why are we doing Comedy Burning for Fouquet? [Future note: Eventually the story stops mixing Comedy Violence in with Serious Violence. This is one of the very few ways things improve]

A griffon can't make the flight to Albion, supposedly. Given it tirelessly flew overland, I'm a bit skeptical. Oddly, Wardes sort of implies a dragon could make that distance. [Future note: Whether or not it’s plausible to fly to Albion with any given flight ability remains entirely dependent on the whims of the writer far into the future. Eventually it stops being an issue by virtue of the plot largely ignoring Albion, not by virtue of the author becoming any more consistent]

Sleep spell involve blue-white smoke. Or possibly green-white, because Japanese. [Reader note: Historically Japanese had one word covering both blue and green. Nowadays it’s reserved for one of the two... except when it isn’t]

Louise is surprisingly quick to tear her sleeves to use as rags. [Future note: This kind of practicality on the parts of characters goes away eventually]

Louise refuses to be depressed as long as there's the slightest chance to survive. Kick ass. [Future note: Another trait that vanishes]

Louise has no Honor And Duty problem with lying to scum. Surprisingly practical of her. Wardes finds her saying that unbecoming, though he doesn't actually dispute the opinion. [Future note: Future Louise is a bad liar because who cares about consistency?]

... the pirate captain is Prince Wales. Uh. Okay.

Magic royal rings that react to each other. Water for Tristain, Wind for Albion. [Future note: This ‘reacting to each other’ thing never crops up again]

Wales has 300 men to fight 50,000. You're not Spartan enough if you think you can't win!

The Albionese nobles refuse to take the opportunity to flee on the Eagle when offered. This includes the women?

Wales refuses to flee to Henrietta BECAUSE he loves her and knows it would just be used to justify an invasion.

Wardes wanting to marry Louise on Albion, Wales as their whatever, is indeed canon. He also contradicts his earlier claim that the Griffon couldn't make it, Saito calls him on it... and Wardes' response is that it will be exhausted afterward. Uh. Either the author or Wardes is ignoring the obvious point that going UP is different from gliding DOWN.

Louise finds it upsetting that someone would seemingly value something higher than the one you love, proving she didn't understand Wales earlier and also proving she hasn't connected said thought to Henrietta sending her on this mission.

Saito finally is less of a piece of shit. [Future note: No no, before you get too excited, this character development I’m implying here? It doesn’t last]

Narrative explicitly informing us of Derflinger pretending greater ignorance than he actually has.

Interestingly, the wedding is the moment Louise realizes she needs to make decisions, herself. Implies she's been coasting up until this point.

Wardes seems to know she's a Void mage, seems to want to marry her for it, wants to rule the world or something? Having a bit of a breakdown when faced with Louise's refusal, contrasting starkly with his eternal calm before.

Saito can see through Louise's eyes because of fucking course. [Future note: Astoundingly, the plot occasionally remembers this plotpoint later on]

Louise 180s once she learns Wardes only wants her for her power. Sorry, girl, you're a noble. That's how your life goes.

Wardes is a Reconquistador, was on the trip to marry Louise, get the letter, and kill Wales. Also "prepared two complete spells" already. Seriously, what are the rules here? [Future note: The rules are “whatever the author thinks is coolest or most dramatic in this particular scene”] The white-masked man is just Wardes' Shadow Wind Clone. Wardes reveals this because fuck you writing good is hard.

Derflinger "remembers" that Gandalfr is his partner and that he's an antimagic sword. Sure, "remembers". [Future note: Derflinger’s memory operates on the rule of “Whatever is most convenient to whatever the author wants to write at this very moment”. I preferred it when I thought he was lying about his bad memory] He glows more when sucking in magic.

Also, no explanation for how Saito literally Kool-Aid-Manned his way into the chapel. Dialogue suggests that tapping Louise's sight gave him hearing, too, because why not?

Gandalfr is literally emotion-powered. A Necron Lord would be a miserable Gandalfr. [Reader note: When I started reading I was sort of considering writing a Necron Lord-as-Familiar story, even though it’s been done at least twice. Hence this note]

That dragon comment earlier turned out to be foreshadowing: Sylphid was able to fly the distance.

... and Saito kisses Louise when he thinks she's asleep because he's still a rapey bastard. Ugh. [Future note: Saito stops with the incessant rape-y-ness... but this is because all the women, everywhere, are throwing themselves at him. It’s not because he stops being horrible]

End volume 2.

--------

The arc is basically Henrietta's mission, with some sideplot stuff happening along the way.

[jayofthefalloutassassins]

A story about roommates

--This isn't a story to ask for money or sympathy, just to tell people of the stupidity of the roommate and housing situations of my past two years.--

In 2016 I moved to Greeley to get away from my quite literally crazy grandmother. I moved in with two people I’ve known since middle school (couple A) and two people who WENT to the same schools but that I never met (Couple B). 

This apartment was never cleaned, full of cockroaches, bedbugs, and SOMETHING I was horribly allergic to. I was in hives for the 8 months I lived there. 

Couple B both refused to clean, work or do anything besides sit around. You could clean the kitchen and bathroom and within 35 minutes they would trash the place. The girl in couple B, we’ll call her break a bitch, literally broke anything that wasn't hers. Bongs, papers, computers, anything. She would then treat it like you personally attacked her and go on a rant. This happened weekly. She was a cam girl and beauty school student who didn't want to do either and would do nothing but complain about her clients and call them every name in the book. Her boyfriend, nickname with a pulse, literally just wanted to have sex all the time with anyone. From what I know he had sex with everyone in the apartment before I arrived. There would be times I’d walk into a room and he’d be making out with one of the other three roommates. They treated everything like it belonged to them and when they had to do anything to get something acted like it was your problem. 

Couple A were both in therapy as well, first girl i-want-it has very bad borderline personality, refused to work with her therapist and didnt take her meds. She is always angry and violent. At this point it was only directed at couple B so we didnt know what to do except get her out. Girl 2, who I honestly dont have a nickname for honestly got the short end of the stick. Since she was “common law married” to i-want-it she got attacked constantly. It started mentally, she got taken to the mental hospital three times. Each time while the apartment broke into search parties, i-want-it would just sit and watch tv. She didn't care. I’ll get to the worse stuff in a few.

In those eight months it went from a “first apartment so it’s shit” to “everyone is trying to kill each other”. 

I had to keep everything I owned locked inside my room or things would go missing. I feared leaving my dog there while I was at work but day care is $600 so not happening. Couple A and Couple B were at each others throats so often I became a regular at the local hookah lounge. 

By March 2017 Couple A and I moved to a different apartment. This place (were i am currently living) is very nice, a newer building in a complex that compared to the last place is amazing. It was a price jump in rent but with the three of us working we were able to handle it. For about 5 months, all seemed good. No fights, groups every other Friday, we tried to make it a livable house. Something in August hit (during these past two years I have mainly kept to myself so when problems hit I know last). I-want-it started up her “stuff” again, no meds, skipping therapy, etc. And I understand there are people who either have a hard time due to depression or there are people who think they dont need it and its not worth it, shes the latter. She didn't have a job, sat at home and did nothing except get pissy when I came into view or earshot. For a month I figured maybe she was having family problems and decided to ignore it. September hit and while at work (I worked with girl B) the sheriffs department came knocking at the office that she threatened suicide in the bosses house. At this point this is the first time i-want-it disappeared. I later found out she kicked girl B into the suicidal spiral and then called the sheriffs office so she could get rid of her for a few. 

When girl B got back this last time i-want-it made a friend pick her up so she didn't have to come back. It was about a week before she came back and from then until a few days before Thanksgiving (when I left to see family for like three days) the two of them were pretty much locked behind their door. Later I found out there was quite a bit of fighting. By December 1st, I-want-it completely disappeared. I heard from her very few times in the first three weeks. Girl B and I actually did okay emotionally in the house but I was now paying full rent (which is $1,285 on a good month) and all utilities so I am unable to buy food and was really only feeding my dog. I used my credit card to its limit just to have gas and food money. 

In the last week of December and first of January I found out I-want-it was still coming after girl B emotionally. She was leaving knives and blades out for her to find, calling her names, telling her anything to destroy her emotional state. She then got physically violent when she decided to show up while I was at work. I came home early and girl B was still in a shocked state but managed to call family. This was when Girl B decided to move out. While packing she found diary’s of i-want-it claiming that she had never been faithful and didn't want anything to do with girl B. 

The next day Girl B has completely packed and moved out. So that leaves me in an apartment until March on my own. 

I don’t really have a single lesson in this story. Pay more attention to people, dont room with people whose mental states think attacking people is okay. 

The big one is make sure you know WHO you are actually rooming with before signing a lease because it can be possible you may get screwed several ways before you get free.

Currently I have all i-want-its shit piled in her room so I can worry about cleaning the apartment and packing my shit so I can move, and at this point I no longer care, I'm glad they are all out of my life, don’t care if the office throws out her shit, and am excited to move!

But I want someone to read this and know that its easy to get trapped and maybe I can help someone avoid this crap. Maybe reading this will help someones brain click and they will realize they are in a situation where either they are on the outside and hadn't noticed or they are the ones in the relationship. Maybe a roommate is just a piece of shit, but you don’t need that in your life.

[depressoespressos-posts]

Chapter One

Los Angeles, what a beautiful place. Or from what I've seen staring out of an airplane window, looking down upon the world. We were coming in to land, our final destination of our world exploration.

  I'm in a group called C.T.R(M.L.W.I), we are YouTubers that do crazy, life threatening shit for our viewers entertainment. Jumping out of planes, off of cliffs, exploring demolished and demonic buildings... That's just a quarter of what we do. If you are wondering what our name stands for, here it it;

Change The Rules (Make Life Worth It)

We normally just go by 'C.T.R', its shorter and easier to say, more efficient as well.

Previously, we had explored most of the world, places that no one even thought of looking. Places that no one thought existed. Filmed, caught everything on camera and uploaded when we could. Our last stop was America, which is weird as many people would normally start there. Not us. We started in Australia, which is apparently my home country, even though, I was born and raised in England. I'll explain that story later on.

We are a group of five. Two boys, Conor Reynolds and Toby Schmidt. Three girls,  Annalise Standoff, Christina Thorne and Me, Octavia Olila. I sound Spanish, but I'm quarter Italian.

We are all incredibly distinctive to the eye, a mixed group with tons of different features.

Conor was a brunette with faux blonde highlights that were put in when we were in Egypt; he has very light blue eyes and catches a tan very easily.

Toby was a dyed black haired, tall guy; he had light brown eyes that often clashed with his natural hair (somehow) so he dyed it before we started our tour. He was pale and very into the colour black, so he looked like Slenderman with a face.

Annalise was mixed-race, sort of a milky coffee colour, or a caramel frappé you'd get from Starbucks; she had big, beautiful brown eyes that she emphasised with every chance she could; as well as long luscious brown hair that fell past the small of her back.

Christina was also mixed-race but a little darker then Annalise, more like a milk chocolate colour; her eyes were also brown but were so dark that could be mistaken by black. The same with her hair as it was semi-curly, yet straight and wavy all at the same time. I don't know how it works either.

And then you have me. Green eyes; brunette with hints of blonde and ginger, pale as fuck.

Distinctive, yes. Gorgeous, no. Well, I speak for myself, the others are much more... pretty.

None of C.T.R have found their 'soul mates' yet. We have travelled all over the world, potentially, and none of my friends have found their 'Perfect Partner', which could mean either whoever they are supposed to be with was in England or America. But, that also means, so is mine.

C.T.R has a huge fan base, we have thousands of subscribers all over the world and during the tour we met so many. It wasn't really a tour actually, just a mass exploration of the world. We just happened to meet our fan base.

And our fandom like to make accusations.

Conor and I are the favourites to be shipped together as he is my male best friend that I love, but that doesn't stop the theories about Toby and I either. Constantly asked if we were 'soul mates', many times Conor, Toby and I had to shut down their ideas and show off our unfaded, tattoos. Also, inflicting in millions of our fans trying to copy our first words to convince us that we are their  soulmates, failing once we read what theirs said which is nothing like what came out of our mouths.

It wasn't like I was particularly desirable, I honestly feel sorry for the person who is actually made to be with me. I'm exasperating to be around, not to mention snappy and easily agitated. As well as my unattainable thirst for adventure, danger and exploration. My 'soul mate' has to be down with what I do because I'm not stopping for anything nor anyone.

What sort of life is this? Being stapled to one person your entire life and before you meet them, you're just waiting for them to waltz into your world and change it. I don't want this. I don't want one person to completely shift my entire life line, for better or for worse. I want to be me. My own person, belong to myself. Not being worried about someone other the myself or my friends, someone I had never met...

My thoughts trailed off as I felt a strong hand gripping my shoulders. Suddenly, everything I was just reminiscing fled from my mind. The bustling sound of about three hundred people making their way off of the plane returned to me. Shouting as a child left a toy a few seats back, laughing as a group of friends made a remark on how orange the hostess was. The hand on my shoulder shocked all feeling through my body, like before this exchange, I was paralyzed. My head snapped to the hand, Conor stood over me with a slight worried glint flashing in his blue eyes as my eyes wandered up to his. A small smile on his lips as he hovered over me.

"You okay?"

His voice was soft yet gruff as he must've just woken up. I nodded slowly, my eyebrows furrowing; was I actually out for that long?

"Did I fall asleep?"

I asked him. Conor gave a small chuckle whilst shaking his head at me.

"No, you didn't"

His laughs carried throughout the aircraft, people turning around in their velvet blue seats, patiently waiting for others to depart. I made an 'O' shape with my mouth. So lost in thought that I didn't realise what was happening around me. Conor laid his hand out in front of me, anchoring for me to take it. I slipped my fingers in-between his, still a bit dazed as I shake back to life. I glanced around me, seeing no one as I dragged my small blue and white suitcase from the over-head holder.

"Conor, where are the other three?"

I asked. Conor glanced around him, his eyes raving over the entire inside of the aircraft before shrugging. I rolled my eyes, so much help. I felt the weight of my stuff as it fell to the floor, creating a loud bang.

"Watch it!"

Conor shouted. I raised my eyebrow and placed my hands on my hip, my other hand still connected to my case.

"I'm sorry. It wouldn't be so heavy if you hadn't stuffed my suitcase wth your shit, we wouldn't have this a problem"

I growled at him playfully, lifting the suitcase up a bit then slamming it back into the floor. He gritted his teeth and just as I was about to slam it back into the floor, Conor ripped it from my hand. Turning away, he carried his and now, my luggage through the plane to the back exit. I chucked in silence behind him.

"Thank you, Con."

I smirked, walking off the plane before he could even get a chance. I could feel his glare burning into the back of my head as I skipped down the stairs, hands free of luggage while he struggled to take steps.

The heat caught me a little off guard, not expecting what LA presented in weather. The sun beating down, catching hold of every piece of metal and shining off of it to burn into my eyes. I placed my hand to hover over them as I watched Conor struggle down the steps. Laughing at the cautious steps he took, I began to pester his movements.

"Come on, Con, we did more then this on tour"

I shouted up at him, he gave a glare whilst stopping half-way down the stairs.

"Yeah but I'd rather not die before I finish it"

He called back. Conor wiped the sweat from his brow, the heat getting to him too.

"You jumped off of the coast of the Caribbean in shark infested waters, I think you can make it down a set of airplane stairs"

I laughed at his scolding eyes, it feels good to finally get back at him. All tour, all he has done is tease and annoy me. But he's my best friend, so I have to deal with it.

Conor gave a loud, sarky laugh and continued to hesitantly step down the stairs as the hostesses began to shoo him away from the aircraft for them to clean it. I literally just stood and watched, it was highly amusing. Giggling all the while he got prodded to move faster as I watched from afar. He got four-quarters of the way down when I called him.

"Conor"

I yelled. He dropped the bags next to him on the stairs, sitting on the one just above his feet. He looked exhausted, his suitcase was far heavier then mine.

"Yeah"

He breathed back, practically panting as he laid back, not meeting my eyes. His bronde hair was sticking to his beet-red forehead. All this trouble because of a set of stairs. I glanced down at the silver watch that I held around my wrist, seeing that we had literally doing this for ten minutes.

"I'm gonna go to meet the others"

I shouted. Conor's head perked up, shaking it violently as he grasped hold of the handles of the bags, still sitting down.

"No you're not"

He shouted back. I placed one hand behind my ear.

"What?"

I yelled back, obviously hearing what he said and just doing this to piss him off further.

"Oct"

His warning tone shot through to my ears. I began to walk away, gesturing to my left ear.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm gonna go and see the others"

I smirked, turning on my feet.

"Octavia"

His yells were lost as I took off running into the actual airport. The faint call of my name dispersing as I strolled through the building.

I'm a bitch. I caught sight of the back of Toby's head by the luggage check, he was sitting down with Christina and Annalise. Toby was about six-foot tall and very lanky, it's hard not to miss him. I smiled softly at the sight of them all conversing. You see, Christina hated Toby when they first met, they literally clashed in everyway. Until I locked them out on the roof at a hotel we were staying in in India. They had a very heartfelt conversation and finally made amends between them, leaving a very close friendship. Annalise was just friends with everyone in the group, but she was no doubt my best female friend, we clicked as soon as we met, having the same sense of humour; dark, crude and a little... never mind. I strolled over to the small group gathering, without Conor. All three instantly looked for him though. Wherever I was, Conor was. I plopped myself next to Annalise, my hand instantly conjoining with hers. That's another ship, Anna and I. Because we are so close, many viewers assume that we are lesbian. Nope, not true at all. We've just been very good friends for a very long time, so we're going to be comfortable around each other. But we are very comfortable with Chris as well, at one point the whole if our fan base thought that Anna, Chris and I had three-way relationship. Absolutely not true, we are all straight... As far as I know that is. I slipped my fingers around hers, we haven't really spoken in about four hours, that is a very long time for us. I gave her a sincere smile, flashing the entire present group a happy grin. Toby leaned forward and tapped my knee just as I was about to start conversing with Anna. I snapped my head towards him, humming in acceptance of him asking his question.

"Where's Conor and your case?"

Toby smirked, knowing that it was something that I did. I began to giggle.

"Well... you see..."

I started, only to be cut off by a loud scream of my name. I shot out of my seat, seeing Conor red and heavy breathing coming towards me. Fuck  I'm in trouble. He swerved in and out of the hundreds of rushing people, as I fled through the airport.

"OCTAVIA"

Conor shouted as I escaped into the crowds. Breathing heavily and heart racing with tons of adrenaline rushing through my veins at the fear of him catching me. I could literally hear the blood rushing past my ears. Once I thought I was safe, I leaned and slid down a wall into a slumped position on the floor. Probably covered in dirt and In need of a proper disinfection, I just sat there, catching my breath. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, only to open them about three seconds later to see angry, dilated baby-blues glaring down at me. Conor reached for my sides and I began to panic.

"No, Conor. Please! I'm sorry"

I begged for forgiveness, his smile growing wider as his finger tips lightly scraped against my sides. I let out a small yelp of laughter before shaking my head at the guy in front of me.

"Please, no!"

I yelled again. His hands roughly danced over my sides continuously, earning loud and repetitive shouts of screaming laughter as he tickled me. I'm literally ticklish every where. I begged over and over to be set free, he just continued to torture me. Many people had began to stare at us, wide-eyed and in shock.

"Conor, stop raping Octavia!"

Came Christina's voice through the noise. At that moment, literally the entire airport was staring at us as Conor ripped his hands from my sides and stood as far away as possible. That was inappropriate. Conor glared at the girl as he walked towards them, leaving me behind. Tugging hold of his and I's luggage and dragging them away from the staring crowds. I joined to the group of the other three, lightly whacking Christina on the back of her head.

"What was that for?"

She yelled, rubbing over the spot.

"Watch what you say, you could've gotten Conor in a lot of trouble"

I hissed, Christina covered her mouth, finally understanding the problem that she had caused. I sighed underneath my breath.

All throughout the terminal, our entire group had received some funny looks as well as dirty ones. Chris, Toby and Anna were shooting them back whilst Conor and I refused to meet anyone's eye. I picked up a few snacks as well as some drink. The woman behind the counter shot me a sympathetic look whilst I just rolled my eyes. For fuck sake. Unfortunately, Christina can not help it. She always says inappropriate comments at inappropriate times. We call it 'Verbal Diarrhoea', but I have it to, so we get in as much trouble as each other. I grasped my cold coffee between my fingers and stormed out of the terminal, not bearing to have someone send a dirty look at Conor or a sympathetic one at me.

Although coming to LA, we do not actually have a hotel booked, well we do but only for one night. One of the most haunted Hotel's in America, and we managed to grasp the ninth floor. Basically, my dad has a holiday apartment out here, it's about the fifteenth storey up with a balcony. Beautiful at night from what I've seen in pictures. My dad is coming with the car, this is going to be illegal but Conor is going to drive us to the apartment without an actual drivers licence or experience on the left side of the road. We asked Toby, as he was seventeen and actually has his license, but he moaned for about thirty minutes straight about being tired. I cannot deal with that from him today. So, we forced the second oldest, Conor to do it. He'll be fine. We'd probably die but you know, we good.

I stood out by the exit for the terminal, arms crossed and still free of luggage, sipping on my coffee. I haven't slept at all for about two days. I didn't sleep the night before the journey as I went exploring this little house that I discovered not far away from our hotel. I didn't sleep on the plane because I was excited. Yet, I'm wide awake. I don't feel tired. But that might be about the seven cups of coffee that I have consumed from being on the plane. I'm not sure if coffee makes me hyper or just awake. I cannot tell.

The rush of the cool liquid between my lips as I swallowed it down, my eyes just darting to stare at everyone and everything. Sometimes I find myself wondering what is happening in other peoples lives. Like that women with a red bag, proper drag make up, screaming down the phone at someone. I'm not close enough to hear her words, but It's a pretty heated discussion. From her facial expression, she's angry yet highly upset. What is happening?

I heard a loud honk of a horn and I was brought from my little reminisce, only then I realised the woman staring straight at me, scowling more then before. Another loud honk, drawing my attention to vehicle, screaming through the airport. A beautiful silver Range Rover was parked literally just outside of the back doors. Only one piece of luggage of ours was sent under the plane and that was Annalise's, she had more stuff then all of us. But she bought for other people too. The Range Rover shined in the LA sun as a tinted window rolled down to expose, the one and only, my father.

[letlhogonolotakesuclalaw]

Shelved Memories, Fractured  Relationships, Loss and Healing

It��s a beautiful and sunny Tuesday afternoon in Los Angeles. Today will be good day I tell myself. It is a  particularly exciting day because a certain distinguished lecturer from the  University of Free State will be giving a lecture in the history department.  Yes, another South African in LA. I was told that it is going to be an  exciting lecture. The lecture is on the sixth floor of the history  department. I don't know where the history building is and my google maps is taking  me around in circles and I finally sent a text to the Black Grads UCLA group and  someone directs me to the building. I get there and the lecture begins  shortly. Dr Chitja Twala delivers a lecture on Culture activities and  resistance art as tools of the liberation struggle in the Free State, South  Africa, 1970s -1990s. It wasn't a particularly interesting lecture but the  Americans were impressed, I think anything about South Africa impresses them.  

I get a WhatsApp call from my uncle  and I can't answer. I sent him a message to tell him I can't answer and he  says that I should call him after the lecture. I immediately got this sick  feeling in my gut and my gut keeps saying that something is terribly wrong. I  have a look at the time and it is probably passed ten in the evening in South  Africa and he calling me means that something has to be wrong.

 This lecture needs to end so that I can  call him. After the lecture, I call him and he asks me where I am and I tell  him I am walking on campus. He tells me to find a quiet place and sit down.  His tone confirms my suspicions. I tell myself that something is terribly  wrong. I proceeded to the Grad office and go into Sidney's office. She seems  excited to see me and asks about my weekend. I tell her that something is  wrong and I start crying. She closes her office door. I call my uncle. He  relays the story that my mom fell that morning and proceeds to tell me all  the details of that day and then he says "I'm afraid I don't have good  news for you." I'm not sure what he is saying, although I am. I asked  him "what exactly are you saying?" He says "your mom has  passed away". I let out a loud cry. I think my heart stopped for a  minute. I thought I was dreaming. I thought that I was having a bad dream I  was desperate to wake up from. I put down the phone. He calls again. I'm  uncertain how to answer his question when he asks how I am doing, I wasn't  sure myself.

You see the last couple of years of  my mom's life, we had a very complicated relationship. I think it came with  me working. It reminds me of an essay called The Eternal Intern I read in  "We write what we like" edited by Yolisa Qunta. I

 As black people working, we shoulder  and take on a lot of responsibility and for many of us we are our parents’  saving grace, their ticket out of poverty. But sadly, the system works  tirelessly to ensure that we do not truly become that ticket. The system is  not created to allow me to be in full flourish. In theory, my big 5 law  salary after my degree should have been able to take good care of my mother  and her family. All the sacrifices finally paying off, but it didn't. I moved  to Johannesburg, which meant that I had to get a place to stay, a car, buy  working clothing, live in Johannesburg and send money home to my mom and take  care of my sister. I did the best that I can but in many ways it was not  enough. This caused a drift in our relationship. I am a new age person  and my mom is of the older generation, a clash between the generations. I  expressed my discomfort a lot and I felt that she didn't care about me, but I  was completely wrong - I didn't see her point of view. I didn’t see that  I was her ticket to a better life.

 So, when I left for LA I was uneasy,  I felt that there was unfinished business in South Africa and my first two  months, I was uneasy and now I see why I was. She was going to pass away. My  mom and I last spoke two weeks before her passing. It was  a video call. She was happy to see me alive  and well. I was too. I am saddened that when she passed she couldn't call me.  I am saddened that I was many miles away in another country. Her death cut me  deep. I was angry at life for being so cruel. I mean, I had come to LA to  follow my dreams but inadvertently it would mean that this degree would  better her life as well. After my crying, I become the lawyer that I am, and  starting thinking about what is going to happen. I won't lie to you. The Grad  office at UCLA is incredible, within minutes - a flight back was booked (just  changed my initial return flight) and my Professors would be notified of the  horrid news.  But being the lawyer that I am, my first question was  to ask about the contract I signed to be at UCLA, I had many questions about  what happens if I don't come back. I was assured that it should be the least  of my worries.

I messaged my friends in LA and  South Africa and broke the tragic news to them, the number of texts and calls  were overwhelming, my people were showing up for me. I went to my house. I  was never left alone until I made it to the airport the next day. It was  incredible how black people were showing up for me in my time of need. At  embarking on the hardest journey of my life - 27 hours of travelling back to  SA all by myself. It was a brutal and lonely time for me. I cried in  airports, in flights and had to constantly let people know not to be alarmed  if they saw me cry. It was the worst 27 hours of my life. I wrote a lot, I  cried a lot.  I wrote about my grandmother who passed when I was in  grade 11. She was an amazing womxn, who took care of me on her social welfare  - she died while she was in her 50s. I was reminded of the death of my aunt,  who took care of me - her death happened suddenly in her early forties and  now I was flying across the world to bury my mom who died at 50. Who fell and  died at 50. This was all too much to handle. I arrived in South Africa on  Friday morning and had friends come meet me at the airport and sit down and  cry with me. I needed that. To be held close and to be given the space to  cry. The loss seemed insurmountable.  From the airport it was  straight to Kimberley. My uncle - the same one who broke the news - drove us.  While driving, he asked me if I had any dollars with me because he hadn't  seen one. I told him yes and proceeded to show him. It is these moments that  remind me that traveling abroad is an act of revolution. It reminds me of the  words of Koleka Putuma "crossing  oceans is an achievement even for those left behind."

We got to Kimberley, got to my mom's house and the work began. This  was going to be the longest week of my life. I had to plan the funeral of the  womxn who birthed me. It was an incredibly difficult time. Guys, black  funerals are a lot. As the younger generation we need to think of a new way  of grieving and celebrating our loved ones. A week-long of feeding people and  prepare for the funeral by the bereaved is not on. I didn't have many moments  to grieve and mourn the death of my mom. I was too busy running around  ensuring that everything was going well. It was lot. An entire mess. To make  matters worse, I was jet lagged. Waking up at 2am each morning and having to  function until 10pm each time was  cruel  on my well-being but had to be done. It's only by the grace of God that I  managed to do all things. The Bible says

The LORD is close to the  brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18 Some  of the hardest things I had to do was choose the casket she was doing to be  laid to rest in. There is nothing as final as choosing the casket. What rang  in my head was she is gone. Another task was finalising the program. Yoh! Guys!  Finalising her program broke me, I cried.  The preparation gave me some time to think  back. My mom raised me in a shack - this is significant. She opened a spaza  shop in her shack and put me through my primary school and took care of our  needs. My mom taught me about the Pan Africanist Movement - she'd always say  " I am pure PAC". She introduced me to Robert Mangaliso Sobukwe and  Stephen Bantu Biko. She was my library, she was a wise womxn with great  ideas. She was not university educated but she was  intelligent.  She always wanted her children to get what she  couldn't. She was an active member in the fight against apartheid. She used  to tell me stories of her fighting the system, her time in detention and when  she was electrocuted more times than I can count. . She was brave. I had  forgotten these things when our relationship soured but during that week I  was reminded of the womxn who gave me life and her  passion for learning. This is why black  womxn will always be it for me. Mosadi  o tshwara thipa ka bohaleng

 There is a song on the album Moya  called Nobanzi. It brought me so much healing. Nobanzi is a song by Khanyisa  Buti, who sings about his grandmother who was in informal trader. This song embodies  the womxn who raised me. 

 The day of the funeral I had barely  slept. It was the longest 4- hours of my life. We saw my mom in her casket.  She looked different but the same. She was resting. She was gone. She was gone.  My little sister and I spoke at the funeral. My little sisters reminded me of  two things mama always used to say "life  is a bitch" and "over my  dead body" and these phrases seemed appropriate for the occasion. We  were standing there over her dead body and life was a bitch for taking her  away so soon. The service went beautifully, mama is resting in dignity. The  dignity that she deserves.

 And how am I feeling? I'm mostly  calm. I am very grateful for the opportunity to have come to South Africa to  bury my mother. I am grateful for all the people that showed up in various  ways. The people who held my heart and prayed with and for me. I am grateful  to have come home to a solid support network. Home has been so healing.  

And now I'm writing this on my  flight back to the US - a decision I didn't take easily. I don't want to go  back. I felt like there was no point for me to go back to LA and finish this  degree.  I am afraid that I won't do well and I wouldn't cope. I'm  afraid to embarrass myself. But I'm going back to honour her memory. I'm  going back because all my achievements belong to the womxn in my life - who  have nurtured me. I wrote this as part of a longer piece when I was traveling  back. 

 Dear Mama,

Now like  your mother and sister, you will never get to see get how all your traumas  have created miracles. 

How your  shebeen and tuck shop money made a dreamer of out of your seed. I will become  your wildest dreams my whole life. For you, your mother and your sister. I am  going back to LA. Afraid, broken and on my way to healing.

 Robala ka  Kagiso Tlhapi. You are deeply loved by me. 

 Your son,

Tlhogi