#and hawke is like '.............that little shit survived and he didn't tell me?? i'm telling mother'

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

I'm back on my bullshit thinking about the Hawke siblings again and how much I love a "both twins live" AU... but y'know what I love just a little bit more? An AU where all three Hawke siblings are alive, but one of the twins still get attacked by the ogre in Lothering and is presumed dead when they actually survived.

I like to think that since the narrative in DA2 is framed as a story Varric's telling Cassandra, we can play around with the fact that he's an unreliable narrator. Varric wasn't there in Lothering. He only knows what Hawke told him. It makes for a better story if Leandra, Hawke, and the surviving twin get to huddle around the dead twin and say their goodbyes... especially if they didn't actually get to do that. I mean, a lot of us already have that train of thought when it comes to Leandra's death and Hawke getting some closure through her final words telling them how proud she is. Whose to say Varric didn't do that for the lost twin, as well?

All that to ask what if the ogre attack happened, but the group was so overwhelmed by darkspawn they had to flee further and couldn't check the twin who "died?" Flemeth still showed up, but it was too late to go back and say goodbye.... so Hawke made a deal with the Witch of the Wilds and they all pushed forward to Kirkwall.

Imagine Bethany, left behind with broken bones and bleeding in the sand, fading in and out of consciousness as the remaining darkspawn surround her. She knows how to heal, how to fight back, but she's weakened. Her staff lays out of reach. Air shakes in her lungs. She tries to call for help, but only wheezes come out. Where's her mother? Her siblings? Did the ogre get them, too?

At this point, we all know what happens to the women darkspawn take, and Bethany could've met that fate; she doesn't have the strength to fight back as they drag her away. But before they can bring her underground, she's saved by another group of survivors. Perhaps they're more soldiers fleeing Ostagar, or townsfolk who recognize her from Lothering. They do what they can to treat her wounds but she needs a healer, so they bring her with them to seek refuge in Redcliffe... except they eventually realize she's an apostate. Well, she doesn't seem dangerous, but they still contact the templars.

Bethany wakes in a warm but unfamiliar bed with skilled healers tending to her. Templars hover by the doorway. First Enchanter Irving greets her, gentle in explaining she's safe inside of Kinloch Hold and that she's going to survive. When Bethany asks about her family, he gives her a sympathetic smile and says they only found her.

Bethany, who never took to embracing her magic the way her older sibling did and always felt like it burdened her family... has lost that very family. Could they survive the ogre and darkspawn? Or did the ogre tear them apart, too? How did she survive... but not them? Did the Maker really have such a sense of humor? How else would she end up in the Circle, a place her family went to great lengths to keep her safe from?

She doesn't want to think about it. She hopes they made it to Kirkwall, but the prickle of dread that crawls up her spine knows how unlikely it is. Bethany finds comfort in speaking with the mages who rotate in to heal and bring her food. Some feel trapped by their magic just as she does, but others remind her of her older sibling in the way they embrace their magic, a gift from the Maker. The younger apprentices who aid the mages ask her questions about what lies beyond the walls. The templars mostly keep their distance, but one is friendlier than others. A man with curly blonde hair and a sympathetic view of the mages bothers to speak to her more than his fellows do.

She's still in recovery when Uldred and his blood mages attack the tower, but she survives. Bethany heals, even as she's haunted by nightmares of the ogre wrapping its tainted hand around her body to crush her, flinging her aside to lay among the limp bodies of her family... haunted by the horrors the blood mages unleashed on the tower. She aids in restoring the tower the best she can, and accepts her new home, her new life. When she's well enough, she lights a candle for each of them; her father, mother, her eldest sibling, her twin... she even lights a candle for the family mabari, and prays to the Maker to give them her love as they stand at His side.

The Blight ends. Years pass. Bethany settles into her new life, becoming a fine example for the younger apprentices she mentors. She witnesses wrong doings against her fellow mages, loses friends to their harrowings or tranquility. She accepts what she is, even if bitterly. The Chantry's teachings about magic scar more than enlighten; she sees it in some of her fellow mages, feels it in herself. Secret meetings. Whispers of escape, of freedom. More escape attempts. Harsher restrictions.

Around this time, back in Kirkwall, Knight-Captain Cullen stands where he always does in the Gallows courtyard. He notices Hawke appear with some of their companions. It hurts to think back to Kinloch Hold, but something occurs to him: he knew of another Hawke who was brought to the Circle while he served there. They only spoke once before... well, before. He wonders if there's any relation. When Hawke wanders over to speak to him, as they always do, Cullen brings it up.

Hawke pales. A beat of silence. Cullen recognizes heartbreak; he sees it unfold in their eyes and swell in their throat as they realize that all this time, their baby sister was alive.

Then the day comes where new whispers float among the mages in the Circle. A visit by a Grey Warden. Most, including Bethany, assume he's here to recruit... until Irving comes to her. He says this warden's requested, though more like insisted, he see her now. But then Irving smiles; the warden in question said his name is Warden Carver. He received an urgent letter that his sister is here, alive, and he demands to know if that's true.

Bethany nearly collapses when she sees him.

While the reunion can't last; she can't leave the Circle and he has his calling; the twins embrace, sobbing out apologies and exclamations that they thought the other was gone. Carver tells her of Kirkwall, the expedition that led him to the Grey Wardens, and their older sibling's status as Champion. With a gentleness she never knew her brother to have, he tells her what happened to their mother, and more tears flow freely. Their sibling learned about her from a templar, though Carver grumbles that the bastard could've said something sooner.

There's the Maker's humor again.

...Now flip the script: imagine Carver being left behind instead.

For as strong and passionate as he is, that ogre still picks him up and slams him to the ground. Bones crack. Black splotches flood his vision, agony exploding across his skin. His sword flies from his hand. The soulless bastard tosses Carver aside like he's nothing, and he's left to lay there. His mother's cries muffle in his ear as though he's stuck underwater, sinking slowly into the dark.

It figured, honestly... that he'd survive Ostagar while his fellow soldiers were cut down all around him, that he and his eldest sibling would flee the field when all hope was lost... that he'd make it home to get his family out of Lothering... only to die protecting his mother. And why not? He is a protector. A warrior. It's a honor to die saving those he loved... so why didn't it give him peace?

Carver eventually wakes in the night among the bodies of fallen darkspawn. Everything aches painfully hot and his thoughts reject coherency. He knows his family is gone; they're dead, or they've fled... either way, he's alone; left behind. Something's broken inside of him, but he has just enough will to pull himself up at the sound of approaching footsteps. A group of survivors find him- funny enough, the same group who aided Bethany in an alternate timeline. Imagine that.

That's how Carver ended up in Redcliffe's Chantry with an overworked healer tending to him. He doesn't even flinch when the mage works their magic on him, knowing all too well the sensation of healing magic seeping into his skin, mending the flesh. He tries not to think of Bethany, or what might've happened to her.

The Chantry's overwhelmed with townspeople hiding from a danger outside that he can only assume is darkspawn... except it's not. He wonders how hard he hit his head when he hears the undead have come from the castle to slaughter what they can of the town every night. But then he sees it with his own eyes when one breaks in, taken down by a templar, and never before has he ever felt so useless.

Then the last two remaining Grey Wardens arrive. They're crucial in the final fight against the undead, swearing to enter the castle to stop the attacks at the source. While Carver couldn't participate in the final fight, something he complained loudly about, he did what he could in his condition to help like sharpening swords and handing out supplies. Mostly to keep his sanity and quite his thoughts throughout his recovery.

When the time came, he took up his sword again in the name of all those he lost.

An archdemon was said to be on the horizon, and the Grey Wardens needed everyone they could get to fight. Carver fights in the battle of Denerim where the Hero of Fereldan defeated the archdemon. He cuts his way through every darkspawn he sees. Ostagar flashes red behind his eyes. Lothering clutches at his heart. So much anger and sorrow built up inside him, flooding out in his tears and screams. Blood everywhere. Fire and smoke.

Then it's over.

In the aftermath of the Blight, like so many others, Carver has no home to return to. No family. He thinks to go back to Lothering to help rebuild, only to hear the lands were too tainted. These tainted creatures took everything from him... That's what eventually brings him to Vigil's Keep, standing before the Hero of Fereldan themself, asking to be made a Grey Warden. He already dedicated nearly two years of his life to killing darkspawn, and he had nothing else. Even when faced with the Joining, holding the chalice of darkspawn blood and being told to drink, he didn't flinch.

Life as a Grey Warden isn't as simple as he assumed it would be, but Carver finds purpose in his calling. Over the years, he grows to view his fellow wardens as family. He travels all over Thedas, venturing down into the Deep Roads to help clear out hoards of the darkspawn. But then comes the day he finds himself in Kirkwall, and it doesn't take long before he hears the name Hawke on the lips of the townspeople. His eldest sibling was not only alive, but they're quite popular among the people. But what about Mother? Bethany? He doesn't have to snoop too far to learn templars took Bethany away to the Gallows, and that Leandra Hawke was the final victim in a string of murders committed by a blood mage.

Carver finds himself standing outside the estate, glaring at the door. Furious. Heartbroken. Bitter. He wants to scream. This entire time, they lived. He's torn between wanting to reunite with his older sibling again, to get the truth from them, and wanting to barge into the estate, demanding answers to how they could let the Circle take Bethany... after what Carver sacrificed, how could they let Mother die like that? Was it all pointless in the end?

He leaves without knocking. He can't bring himself to see them. Not that it mattered. Before he could leave Kirkwall, the tensions with the qunari finally overflowed, and chaos fell upon the city. He's forced face to face with his older sibling again, but he wasn't prepared to watch the recognition slowly bloom on their face, or for all his anger to turn to mush. Carver's the first to speak.

"Somehow, I knew it would be you."

.............So, yeah. I really like this idea.

[warpedpuppeteer]

trigger warning: blood

Was doing a bit of writing and found this older Buddie fic draft of a newly turned vampire Buck who can only drink Eddie's blood. I think I talked about this awhile back. Read and lmk your thoughts?

Mark's eyes sharpen like a hawk. “You've drank human blood before?!” he asks, completely surprised. Buck's mouth twists unhappily at the memory, the disgusting blood he's just had threatening to spill out from his mouth, hands clenching in front of him. “Someone got shot in front of me. Their…their blood was on me. My clothes, my face and it was…it got into my mouth too”. Buck doesn't look up; refuses to. He swallows the rising bile and clenches his eyes shut for a moment at the vivid images his brain helpfully pulls up for him of that day. He only looks up again when Mark curses. “Well shit. That's unfortunate”. He places the blood bag back into the cooler and turns to address them again. “When a new vampire has tasted blood before, something goes wrong during the turning. They sort of - bond I guess is a way to put it- with that person and other peoples blood cannot sustain them anymore. The vampire can only survive with the blood of that one person whose blood they've tasted before.” Buck filters in the information and lets it roll around his head for a moment. Eddie just says “fucking Christ” and looks towards the ceiling. “You don't by any chance know where they are, do you?", Mark asks with a little bit of hope in his voice. Eddie is the one who answers for them. “We do. You can say we're very close even”. When Mark tilts his head questioningly, Eddie points towards himself. “You're looking at him. It's me. The one who got shot in front of him. And whose blood was in his mouth. Jesus, Buck I didn't even know that happened”. Eddie has turned towards him at the end, hands lose at his sides and curling like he wants to reach out and touch Buck. Buck kind of wants to reach out himself but he keeps his hands as it is and looks up at Eddie, giving him a wry smile. “What? Tell you casually over dinner at your place that ‘hey remember when you got shot and nearly died? Funny thing, your blood got into my mouth so I know what it tastes like now’?” He looks away before adding softly “Not really something I wanted to talk about”. Eddie stares at him, a million things flickering behind his warm brown eyes before it settles on sad fondness. He puts a hand on Buck's shoulder then, squeezes it and Buck puts a hand on it and squeezes back. I'm sorry. I know. “So what you're saying is, I can only survive on Eddie's blood now?”, Buck asks Mark who's been staring at them quietly throughout their exchange.

I wanted to come up with a reason where Buck can only drink Eddie's blood not because they're in love or soulmates or whatever. Sort of practical reasons you know. And I definitely wanted to incorporate the sniper scene into it.

[giraffefeather]

Absolutely love playing DAII for the first time with minimal knowledge. Like... all I know is Anders blows up the Chantry. At some point.

(Post got long, have a courtesy cut) Spoilers up to the end of Act II.

So I'm just wandering along Kirkwall, doing whatever quests pop up. I somehow managed to acquire Fenris at the VERY END of Act I. Like the last quest before finishing the main quest. I kept wondering when he'd show up.

Meanwhile, I've already decided to romance Anders. (Even though Fenris's voice hit me like a fucking freight train and I very nearly switched sides immediately). And I'm just blindly doing what he asks because he's my future husband, you know?

Totally forgot about the conversation with him about meeting at my house. Went to my house to read a letter and BAM! There's Anders! My Champion is absolutely a moron and definitely forgot in game, but hey, pleasant surprise, right?

And I'm jumping from quest to quest so randomly that I managed to complete Aveline's goofy date quest and then immediately followed it with my mother dying in the most horrific way. The fucking whiplash nearly broke me!

Every decision I make either pisses off Anders or Fenris. But Anders is my boy, and the only other warrior option I have is Aveline and I am not dealing with her! So I have to take Fenris. I have somehow managed to keep his friendship level just above rival, but boy does that elf dislike Hawke. And Anders. Jury's still out on if he likes Varric.

(My Hawke is a dual-blade rogue, so my party is always Anders, Varric, Fenris. For balance! Yeah... not because their banter has me giggling like an idiot)

Thought for sure that Anders was gonna blow up the chantry during his Justice quest. Was mildly disappointed when the Chantry was intact.

But uh... hey Anders? Trying to give away your prized possession to Varric? Keeping secrets? Absolutely eluding to some type of betrayal? WHAT DID YOU DO????? Mentally preparing for the worst while desperately trying to convince him to stop this nonsense or at least TELL ME WHAT THIS NONSENSE IS! (I need to know but I refuse to spoil it).

Haven't looked up any guides except the one for the Books of Evil. Because fuck that one. (I have a desperate need to get every achievement I can, to do every quest available).

Hey, as someone whose very first DA experience was a Qunari Inquisitor... where are the lovable Qunaris? Why do I have to hate and kill all of them as Hawke? Justice for Qunari! (Or at least give me a Tal-Vashoth that survives Kirkwall)

IMMEDIATE distrust of Meredith. What's up with her? No... don't tell me. Not yet.

Why am I so surprised at the amount of swearing in game? I mean DAI wasn't exactly PG, but feels like DAII has the language while DAI has the nudity. Is there nudity in DAII? Do I really want to see it? Or do I just want DAI to say fuck?

I started my playthrough months ago before returning to it. I do not remember naming my dog "Jurn." Why did I name my dog Jurn?? It's not even funny stupid, just stupid stupid!

Checks out for my Hawke. She really is just stupid stupid. Varric is truly holding this team together.

Constantly asking myself what the plot of this game is. Act I, make money. Got it, easy enough. Act II? Qunari for some reason? Act III.... ????

Isabela you little shit, come back to my party! I sided with you and you just up and left?? Come back! I miss you at the Hanged Man...

Bethany has been unavailable for like half the game. I didn't notice her absence for the majority of Act II. Idk why I thought I could just take her from the Circle if I ever wanted to. I just... didn't ever want her in my party. (I feel kinda bad, but with the Hawke family history, I have a sneaking suspicion she won't survive Act III).

I keep hearing about Anders's cat. He keeps talking about kittens. Where is this cat??? When does he get a cat? Can I pet it?

Act I has scarred me and I am hoarding gold like a dragon. I have bought exactly 2 things. An armor upgrade I found for Isabela (who is absolutely never in my party) and a gift I was curious about. That gift was immediately forgotten until I started talking to my companions. Suddenly, I had a gift for everyone that I picked up on my travels. I have no idea which one was the one I bought.

Really need to look into those armor upgrades... It's Act III and everyone is in their beginner armor. Except Isabela. But... she's fucking gone, so...

I love that Varric keeps track of kills. I'm ashamed that my Hawke is an idiot and probably has less than everyone else.

If I hear "out of range" one more fucking time... shut up and do your rogue jump into battle, Hawke. You're embarrassing me.

I keep hearing about this Sebastian fellow. I hope I get to meet him. I think I have all the add-ons. I just don't trust myself to find the right quest to find him. Maybe he's late game?

Love/hate that all my poor decisions come back to haunt me. Refuse to pay the loan shark dwarf? Yeah, we're getting ambushed at every turn. Hawke is very good at making enemies.

Merrill, sweet ray of sunshine, daisy with the eluvian, you scare me. But damn, I really want to see if the eluvian works (reason number 76 why Fenris hates me).

WHY DOES ANDERS ALWAYS BRING ME TO THE SEWERS??? THIS IS NOT VERY ROMANTIC, ANDERS!

Keep forgetting to protect Varric in battle. That man has used more injury kits than I care to count. I love the idea that he keeps telling all this to Cassandra, too. Like "yeah we had to battle the Qunari, but I was knocked out for half of it. Anyway, here's what happened while I was out cold."

Have I mentioned my battle skills are absolutely horrendous? Like button mashing is a strategy, right? Varric having to tell Cassandra, " yeah so we were fighting like 8 shades and 2 rage demons and Hawke was... waving her daggers at an empty corner for 3 minutes."

Hey uh, how does Varric know what went on in the privacy of Hawke's bedroom when Anders came to visit? And why is he telling Cassandra? Varric, I have questions and concerns.

Anyway, I'm loving this game, and how different it is from DAO and Origins. I like that I never know what the main plot is. I mean, yeah, mages vs templars, but I mostly know that from DAI and other lore referring to it. While playing, it just feels like Hawke is a person doing her best to meddle in absolutely everything with no game plan. And it's lovely!

[thedragonagelesbian]

For the bg3 asks: 24, 9, and 44.

(Also, did I miss you answering my birthday asks? I just want to make sure, I don’t miss it,)

lol you didn't miss it im just... still sitting on the birthday ask like a month later... i should. finish that.

[some Act 2 & 3 spoilers]

9. Do you have a favorite member of the Tiefling Refugees? Is it the same as your Character's?

I love so many of them, how to pick just one... I think both Cyrus and I would pick Dammon for helping Karlach (and the owlbear stuff at the end of Act 3 :3), I also personally adore Arabella and her story throughout the other two acts. Real representation for girls making potions in their backyards moment.

I also have. So many thoughts about Cyrus and Zevlor's relationship come Act 2. I've been churning them over since finishing Act 2 and still haven't fully solidified anything, but... the former paladin who was tempted by the power and glory required to protect his people? Talking to the oathbreaker who is on the slow path to accepting the limitations of his protectiveness? When Cyrus tells Zevlor that's not what your people needed, they've been able to survive without you, I think there's a moment of self-reflection of like... the thing that the people who love him need from him is not always power or perfection.

(Also, there's an oathbreaker dialogue line to accuse Zevlor of submitting to the Absolute out of pure selfishness, which I did not pick, but I'm also fascinated by it...)

24. Was your illithid tadpole empowered by anything in Act 1? If so, how does your Character feel about that?

The only power I ever considered for Cyrus was 'Transfuse Health' because... you know. It's Cyrus. I think under the right narrative circumstances, he could be pushed to it, like if the other characters went down/died more often. Maybe shadow sorcerer Cyrus will be more tempted by it, as a version of Cyrus with more shades of post-Kirkwall 'what are you gonna do? stab me?' energy & general nihilism toward his own body.

44. Pick one-- let's go with 39. What does your Character think of Raphael?

Mostly because I don't think I've shared this pic of Cyrus looking furious & bloody on his first visit to the House of Hope

I think this was Cyrus' first time dealing with or even thinking about devils/the lower planes (he hadn't even met Mizora yet, as I recruited Karlach p late into Act 1). Even Cyrus has enough awareness to not immediately trust an entity of evil incarnate. Still, his rejection of Raphael's offer was less a moral stance against devils and more rooted in his own pride and self-confidence. Who needs a devil's bargain when you're Cyrus Hawke? You can fix anything!

His opinion turns distinctly negative as time goes on, first with how Raphael treats Astarion in Act 2 and then meeting Hope in Act 3. At the end of everything, Cyrus was more than happy to smite the shit out of him ('punish divinity' oh you think your little con save is gonna do anything? bitch...)

I love this screenshot of Cyrus and Astarion both being very Done with Raphael in their own way...

Still, a lad can dream of what could've happened if Cyrus were ever desperate and foolish enough to strike a bargain with Raphael, because I'm not above a little character degradation/corruption arc. Like if Raphael pounced while Cyrus was still reeling and vulnerable from breaking his oath......... much to think about

[imayanderesimp]

Sending reader to a happiness camp

"I-i'm sorry please I've learned my lesson you don't have to do this! You do need this sweetie looks what happens when you get to much freedom you start dating people but don't worry the school were sending you to will fix you right up.Dad please tell her this is wrong!"Endeavor didn't know what to do. Rei had convinced him to send you to a happiness camp so you would finally be happy and endeavor wanted you to be happy. "I'm sorry y/n I have no control over this."

You cried for them to help you as your were dragged to the bus. You knew you wouldn't survive the camp your normal self you knew by the time this was over you would be broken. You just hoped that Hawks would come through for you like he always does but he didn't the one person you could count on left you for dead.

Little did you know your family made sure Hawks wouldnt help you. Dabi sent a nomu downtown where Hawks was Patrolling and that took up the time when they send you to that damm camp. "Sorry I'm late had some trouble down town is reader will here?"No you just missed them sorry Hawks."But keigo knew that was not the real reason reader left before he got here. You all planned this didn't you? "

Rei tried to take the blame off them as they would never send a nomu to hurt people."You distracted me so reader couldn't have anybody on their side about going to this camp,You people are sick. Yeah like your not bird you killed people beforee you let us do this to reader you don't give a shit so why now? "Like I said" I'm here to protect reader but it looks like I'm to late, well good luck with y/n after camp I feel like you'll need it.

The family was confused what did he mean "good luck with you"?

Camp didn't seem so bad the first few weeks. Maybe it was because your dad was endeavour you made fast friends with almost everyone. The Everybody loved you the workers there until your 8th week there things started to get harder. Your friends we're taken away for training and you didn't want to be next you always tried to hide you didn't wanna be hypnotized like the rest. If you can hide away from the council then maybe you can get away.

And you didn't get away. You tried to hid in the crowd of kids ready to get chosen and while trying to hire you bumped into a council member. The member said something on the his phone and that was your cue to run. Suddenly your name was called and 2 men grabbed you and took you to the stage.

After a short speech you were taken to a small room and strapped to a chair. Audio started to play and it forced you to look forward you tried and tried to look away but you couldn't.S

oon enough you calmed down the first week out of hypno off the 13 weeks had begun. This was the first out ok 3 weeks was calming so you won't fight back the next 2 weeks. The second week was for weaking your mind for the third week which came fast and before you know it you were smiling already.

You came home your family was so happy they hugged you and all you were smiling and laughing they finally see you happy. Everyone was so happy and you were to. Until you started acting strange staring empty into space out of no where,Making murder jokes, talking about how what the league of villains do sounds fun. They finally understood what Hawks meant this camp wasn't making you happy. It was turning you into a villain.

They set you up for this

Platonic todoroki fam belongs to @i-cant-sing

[unpocowboys]

She Loves Me Part 3 (Sean 🍀 x Karen 💁🏼‍♀️ Fic)

Part three going up on AO3 and below! Enjoy! (Or don't, it's your life):

Sean had fallen asleep during guard duty again. The bounty hunters had truly done a number on him, traumatizing him to the point where he couldn't sleep soundly at night and was plagued by nightmares. His teeth and gums ached from the abuse, some of his molars gone for good. Alcohol helped to keep the worst memories away, but only briefly. The only thing keeping him from falling completely in the dark was his love for Karen, even if she never returned it.

This wasn't the first time Hosea had kicked him when he took a daylight nap, but today the old man was furious. Hosea struck him repeatedly with surprisingly forceful kicks. Sean jerked awake, yelping with surprise. 

"I'm so sorry," he barked out, whining like an injured dog. Sean quickly sat up straight. 

"Boy, your lazy ass will be thrown in a pile of shit and left to the flies if you don't quit this nonsense," Hosea growled, ready to deliver one last kick. He was interrupted by a figure with blonde curls, wrapping herself around the red head in a surprising, swift tackle. 

"No! Please don't hurt him!" Karen cried, looking like she watched Hosea kick a child. 

Hosea actually hesitated. Seeing Karen care about Sean deeply enough to risk her own bruises reminded him of how loyal Bessie was to him. He lowered his leg, but still glared with rage at the young Irishman. "Don't do it again..." Hosea growled, and walked away. 

When Sean had the strength, he finally registered who had saved him from the final blow. He was awestruck. He soaked in the feeling Karen wrapping herself around him in a protective embrace, but was also embarrassed that she intervened. Sean felt weak and less of a man. Even so, he loved her too much to completely reject her expression of concern. 

"Thank you, Derryveagh," he whispered. "But ya' don't need ta' do dat. Don't want ya' gettin' walloped by old Hosea, too." 

Karen snorted. "He ain't nothin' compared to Grimshaw." 

Sean smiled at her, pulling her into his lap. Her amused expression quickly turned back to worry as she felt his hip bone poke her side. 

"You look and feel so scrawny..." she murmured with concern, tracing her finger along his cheekbone. 

"You're a stunner too, my dear," Sean quipped back. 

"I'm serious, Sean," she insisted. "Have you...been able to eat?" 

"Not much, but I've been feasting my weary eyes on a fireball blonde..." he said, chuckling lightly. 

"Not funny," she sternly replied. "You need to eat."

"Ah been back fer a few weeks and ya' already try'n ta' fatten me up like a pig ta' slaughter," said Sean

Karen heard Grimshaw's voice hollering for her. "Coming!" she yelled back. Karen refocused on Sean for a moment. "We'll talk about this later."

"Not even a little kiss for your poor, neglected Irishman?" he teased, but only partially. Sean got his wish planted on his forehead before Karen left to do Grimshaw's bidding. 

When it hit sundown and Pearson left out a fresh batch of stew, Karen grabbed hers and watched Sean like a hawk while he was in line. He picked some up and went to sit in a quiet corner of camp. Pitifully, he took one or two bites. Karen saw him about to dump the rest of it out inconspicuously and intervened. 

"You need to eat more, Sean," she said as she grabbed his arm, stopping the dumping movement. 

"Ya' ain't gotta babysit me ya' know," Sean replied, an irritated growl in his voice. 

"Well, excuse me for trying to look out for you."

"I don't need lookin' out fer', lass."

"Oh, because you're doing such a wonderful job of it right now," Karen snarled back. 

Between the pain and the need to feel in control of his life, Sean lashed out at her. "I ain't need your pity or anything else." 

The moment he said it, he regretted it. Karen's eyes flickered with rage. "Fine. Go fuck yourself." 

Sean tried to grab her arm to pull her back to him, but she swiftly yanked it from him, turning to slap him across the face. It struck him on the side that ached the most. He howled in pain and fell to the ground. Karen almost went to his side, regretting the additional pain he was going through, but remembered he didn't need her sympathy. Steaming with bitterness, she stormed off, leaving him behind. 

As his teeth and face throbbed, Sean already planned his next moves to prove to her that he did need her. Fuck the opinion of the other men if it meant pushing Karen away from him. Sean managed to get himself up off the ground and went off to find her. 

Karen tried to think of things that he did that made her angry to avoid bursting into tears. She thought he had changed, but his stupid ego made him a bigger dick than ever. Karen found a tree stump on the edge of camp and sat on it, still hoping anger would soak up the sadness she felt. 

How long would she go on like this? Hanging on to his vague promises of being treated like a wife as a lead up towards being a real couple, a proper couple. A few tears slipped out of her eyes. Silently, she let them roll down. It felt oddly satisfying to allow them to come. She spent most of her life pushing down her real feelings, so any moment she could let her guard down was a wonderful one.  

Sean spotted Karen on the stump. She was slouched over, but barely moved. She looked like a statue with her light hair and skin, an outlaw Aprodite. He took a risk and sat on the other edge of the stump, his back facing hers, hoping that he wouldn't be hit again. 

Karen didn't move. Her tears still fell, but she refused to turn and face him, to call him out on his bullshit. She wanted to scream at him, tell him to never come near her again, permanently this time. To forget about all of their past romps and to just get the hell away from her. But the way the warmth of his back on hers stalled the raging bull in her heart. 

Sean took in the feeling of her back on his, and then finally spoke. 

"I've...felt like less than a man after..." he began to admit, but couldn't finish the sentence.  

"That's no excuse to be an ass," Karen snapped, but didn't move to hit him or physically assault him in any way. 

"Of course not," he quickly added. "I'm the biggest Irish arse ya' could find, and I ain't even weigh much."

Sean hoped his joke would make her laugh, but Karen stayed silent. She may have laughed if he didn't look so sickly now. 

"You're back here, coming back around like a damn boomerang, and yet you aren't. It's like watching you and your promises fade away. I have hope, and then you go and disappear again." 

"Whaddya mean? I'm here and back! I survived me own torture." 

"That's it. You're still living like you're a prisoner, just surviving. Barely eating anything and acting like I'm the enemy when I'm trying to be like the so-called 'wife' you want to make me into. You pushed me away like I'm nothing to you. What's next? You gonna fuck me again and act like you love me and then be an ass again by morning? Spare me, if so. The Pinkertons send a clearer message than your dumbass. At least they go through with their promises." 

Karen abruptly stood from her spot on the trunk and walked away. Sean just sat there, stunned by how cutting and venomous Karen could be when scorned. In the past, he'd make a move, she'd slap him and call him awful things, but they wouldn't affect him nearly as badly. After all, he put on a show of confidence for her, a ruse. But everything she said this time? He was just barely hanging on. He had treated her poorly and was inconsistent with her. He felt out of control, lost in the camp he thought he knew well. 

So he decided to go with the gang to meet up with the Grays in Rhodes the next morning to prove that he was still just as capable as ever. Maybe when he returned a stronger-looking man, she'd be ready to talk to him again. 

[inlovewithmobtom]

Tainted Love (Ver. 2) - Chapter 6 ~ Part 1

Pairing: Mob!Tom x OC Reader AU

Word Count: 2.2k

Credit to: @thwiparkers who made the awesome moodboard to go with the Selene version perfectly. Love ya Rae and thanks so much!

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Selene’s P.O.V.

The next week…

As Selene woke up every morning, noticing that Tom's presence was always missing, meaning he didn't plan on coming back to the apartment the night before everyday.

Selene slowly got out of bed tiredly and made her way to the bathroom turning on the lights to see the state she was in.

Her eyes were dark and puffy having cried every night. Her face and body were incredibly pale from not seeing the sun for many days. But she always took a shower and brushed her teeth everyday because she couldn't let herself not do so.

After taking a shower and brushing her teeth, she dried off and got dressed. She then made her way into the kitchen and made herself some breakfast.

All of a sudden as she was making breakfast, she heard the front door open to see a disheveled Tom stumble in.

“Hi Babygirl! I've missed you so much.” Tom whispers softly as he attacks her in a bone-crushing hug and inhales her scent through her hair.

Selene immediately tenses up and stares at him in tears of frustration then sniffles and slowly removes herself from him.

Selene immediately felt repulsed by Tom. She couldn't even stand to look at him. “Where the fuck have you been Holland?” Selene looks at Tom in anger and frustration as tears stream down her cheeks.

“I had important stuff to do, I'm sorry I left you baby without telling you, I just didn't want to overwhelm you. Can you forgive me?” Tom wraps his arms around her waist and pouts playfully as he gazes his bloodshot eyes into her red eyes.

“Come on baby I don't want to fight, I wanna spend the whole day with you. What do you say?” Tom presses gentle kisses on the back of her neck tenderly and lays his head on her shoulder tiredly. Selene closes her eyes as she tries not to lose control of her emotions and nods quietly as tears stream down her face in anguish.

“You’re giving into his lies again, my love. What makes you think he means it this time? He’s only gonna hurt you even further.” Devlin whispers in Selene’s ear coldly causing her spine to shiver as Devlin gazes at him darkly then stares back at her.

Selene sighs softly shaking her away as she serves him in silence and then they both eat quietly on the couch watching tv.

Tom then finishes eating and sets his plate down on the coffee table before sitting back against the couch. He then begins to scoot closer to Selene and trace lines in her skin before he slowly starts to kiss her neck seductively.

“Tommy what are you doing?” Selene asked with a slight hint of annoyance as she gazed into the tv trying to concentrate.

“Nothing… unless you want me to go further.” Tom whispers seductively and begins to kiss her jawline as he watched her for a reaction.

Selene sighed and moaned in relief then immediately snapped out of it and pushed him lightly off her. “Not right now Tommy, we're supposed to be watching a movie.” Selene sighs softly as she ran her fingers through her hair then stared back at him.

Tom nodded then faced back towards the tv and went back to watching the movie.

In the middle of the movie, Tom gets up and stands behind the couch above Selene and begins massaging her shoulders and neck.

Selene moans lightly in pleasure as he massages her neck and shoulders. As she closing her eyes, she slowly feels his hands immediately go to her chest which causes her to gasp and pull away.

“Thomas! What is up with you?!” Selene shakes her head at him and crosses her arms over her chest.

“Baby I'm hungry please.” Tom whimpers as he comes over to her on the couch.

“Then go get something from the fridge. There's plenty of food here.” Selene points to the kitchen.

“That's not what I'm hungry for babygirl. Feel how hard I am for you baby.” Tom whimpers and grabs Selene’s hand, putting it on his massive hard-on which only causes her to blush hard.

“Oh my god, why?!” Selene groans and sighs in frustration. “Babygirl please, I need you so bad I'm gonna burst.” Tom whimpers more and begins to slide her into his pants as his eyes roll back in relief.

Selene gasped softly as she realized her hand was on his hard member and felt it twitch ever so often.

“Sellie, just fuck him and get it over with. My fucking god this guy is needy.” Devlin lights a cigarette and inhales deeply before blowing the smoke out in annoyance.

“Devlin don't pressure her!” Angelina growls at Devlin while Devlin blows smoke back into her face.

“My love if you don't want to do anything with him, don't. Have sex when you want to. You have sex when you feel more comfortable honey.” Angelina whispers gently as she caresses Selene’s cheek and holds it gently.

“Cut the shit Angelina! Selene do what you want, and I have a feeling that you wanna fuck him so just do it!” Devlin laughs as she smokes.

Selene snaps back into reality and decides to give into him by kissing him deeply and heatedly as she begins pumping him.

“Mmmm, babygirl keep going.” Tom breathes out and moans as he throws his head back in delight.

Selene smirks devilishly and continues to do so as she kisses his neck, but little did Tom know that her enticing vixen act was all a facade. Selene wanted sex, but not the way he wanted it.

She kept going acting like the sultry seductress she wished she could be until she eventually down on him. As she was taking him in, she acted like how she imagined what Ginger would act like but she hated doing this. But it got him off.

After going down on Tom till he eventually came in her mouth, Selene swallowed with no feeling. Soon after, they became naked and ended up fucking on the couch roughly and animalistic, but deep down Selene felt disgusted with herself and Tom by doing this. It didn’t feel natural and she didn’t love it.

Once they had finished, Tom was of course in awe of her “changed ways” and cherished her for the rest of the week....

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Tom’s P.O.V.

Tom before coming back to Selene spent the week with Ginger, his ever so present vice that cripples him as much as the alcohol and drugs do regularly.

The funny thing is that it wasn't that Tom didn't mind or care about not seeing Selene… all he saw was the addictions he needed to just keep him going.

In all honesty, Tom knew he couldn't settle down, especially with Selene. Ginger was his perfect obedient girl who would stand by his side no matter what whereas with Selene, she was stronger than Tom and that scared him…

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Tom slowly got up from Selene’s bed trying not to wake her as he quickly and quietly put on his clothes trying to leave as quickly as possible.

Tom’s guilt was slowly eating at him but on the darker side of him, he didn't care. He didn't care leaving her. It was always only him in his mind. His will to survive.

And before he knew it… He was right where he was a week ago, drunk and high as a kite fucking his sweet little redhead Ginger. Not caring about the consequences of his actions.

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Seven weeks later...

Selene’s P.O.V.

Selene barely left the apartment for she was brought into a very dark place by Tom. She never thought she would ever return back to this place again after the last time. Selene barely ate nowadays to the point where all she did was shower and sleep.

Selene began to slowly hate and despise Tom as the days went by. Just the mention of his name made her blood boil and stomach churn.

At this point, he had been wiped off the face of the earth and not even Jamie or Harrison knew where he was. No one knew where he was and eventually everyone gave up.

As for Jamie and Harrison, they never gave up on Selene. Basically they were hawks on Selene watching over her making sure she didn't harm herself. But they saw how tarnished she was from him and that's what broke their hearts.

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Selene immediately shot up out of bed as she felt herself drool which caused her to sprint in the bathroom and vomit harshly into the toilet. After she finished emptying her stomach, she began to cry hard knowing exactly what was up.

She was pregnant with Tom’s baby from their last intimate encounter. She had noticed her slowly growing belly and she didn't know what to do or how to feel. She knew she was gonna keep the baby but she knew she wanted her baby away from Tom and his toxicity.

“Oh my darling! I'm here my love. I'm here.” Angelina ran over to Selene and held her close as she wiped her mouth then stroked her hair.

Selene cried into Angelina chest gripping her close as she shook in fear and in pain.

“Words cannot express how sorry I am my love. You deserved so much better and do deserve better. But my love, you've been given a gift that'll change your life for the better. This baby is an absolute miracle. Because once you have this baby, you'll have and feel a love you've never had before.” Angelina whispers softly as she strokes Selene’s hair gently.

“I don't want him to ever see me again. I don't ever want him near me or my baby ever again. He'll only bring us pain.” Selene cried out rubbing her belly that would soon grow.

“You're better off without him love. He never deserved your heart or time of day. And he doesn't deserve to get to know your baby.” Angelina caresses Selene’s cheek tenderly and lovingly as Selene tearfully nods quietly.

“How am I gonna tell Jamie or Harrison. Or even Tom's family? What am I gonna do? I'm gonna be raising my baby all on my own.” Selene gasps and cries hard covering her face. “What am I gonna do Angelina?” She shook uncontrollably while tears ran down her face.

“You're so incredibly strong my love and you have people who love you. Don't worry my love. Help will be with you along the way.” Angelina whispers softly as she holds Selene close into her.”

Selene nodded in tears as she slowly got up to her cabinet to get a pregnancy test out and decided to use it to make sure. Even though she knew she was pregnant for sure.

After she pees on the test, she sets the timer and waits till it goes off. As it goes off, she picks up the test and right off the bat, it said what she already knew. Pregnant. This only made her cry even harder because knowing that if and when she brought her baby into this world, there's only one of two ways as to how their life will go. Running away from the mob life, or living within the mob life.

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A few hours later…

Selene stared at her phone for a straight 5 minutes at Jamie's number, contemplating on calling him or not.

Selene had distanced herself somewhat from them all as her depression worsened from Tom's actions.

But out of nowhere, suddenly her phone began to ring and she saw that it was Sam. Selene was immediately hesitant to answer the call but she picked it up and breathed out shakily.

“Hello?” Selene asks shakily into the phone as she begins to feel her body tremble in anxiety.

“Selene love how are you? It's been so long since I've last heard your voice. I barely heard what happened and I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you sooner.” Sam breathes out into the phone which causes Selene to stifle a cry as tears streamed down her face.

“It's alright my love. At least you still called.” Selene sniffles softly and wipes her tears.

“What's wrong love? Is there something else?” Sam asks curiously with a gentle voice.

“Sammie I'm scared.” Selene whispers shakily into the phone as tears stream down her face.

“Why love? What's wrong?” Sam presses in concern as he becomes worried.

“I-I'm pregnant Sammie...and I'm so scared for my baby.” Selene whispers shakily then breaks down crying into the phone.

Sam on the other end becomes shell-shocked and speechless.

“Sammie how am I gonna tell Harry, Nikki and Dom? Or even Paddy? Even Jamie, Wendy and Harrison?” Selene cries into the phone as she trembles.

“Love, we're gonna be there for you every step of the way. We're not gonna abandon you like that fucker did. You deserve all the love in world, including your baby. So I promise you Sel, you're not alone.” Sam whispers softly through the phone and Selene instantly felt comforted.

Taglist for Tainted Love:  @hazhasmycoffee @superholland @lolpeterparker @fairydustparker @lilyholland  @tom-hollands-eyelash @thwiparkers @hollanderwritings