#and having problems being shoved on him so he can fix them 😤

[melodi-jackson]

I’m ready for this- NO IM NEAN IM NOT READY FOR THIS. IM GOING TO START BAWLING MY EYES OUT IF NEXUS DIES IN THE NEXT EPISODE, I WILL CALL OUT TO THE GODS TO LET HIM LIVE TOMORROW ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEAAAAASE VAS PLEASE IM BEGGING FOR NEXUS TO GET A ANOTHER DAY TO LIVE. FOR REAL, I WILL QUIT THUS SHOW IF HES NOT ALIVE TOMORROW HES SUCH A TRAGIC CHARACTER, HE NEVER DESERVED TO BE A VILLAIN THE WORLD TREATED HIM SO BAD, PLEASE VAS HAVE MERCY ON HIM HES A CHILD 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

no matter what, i'm ready

i do have a sinking feeling he's gonna die though, thanks to Someone i know. and it's gonna suck, but. i'm ready (not really) 😔

[casketscratch]

Stephan has been kicking around as host the last few days and our mom chose today to pull him aside and be like, you've been really short and curt and seem frustrated and I'm going to cry about it! and now I'm pretty sure Mr. Been Having a Protracted Breakdown Over Being Bad at Feeling like a Normal Human Person has just. Ghosted us in dismay because just quietly existing made our mom fucking cry? From... Stress? Stress that he was here to help try to alleviate for her, I just.

Dude tries so hard and it's always something. He even cooked for the fucking family twice and just gets hit with "you've been so withdrawn" because he was like. Basically spending entire days in his room trying to calm down littles who have a breakdown about the colour the walls are painted. We've been asking for help painting them for months, Stephan genuinely gets upset at not feeling heard at month 3 (and has just decided to Cope until our back is good enough we can paint it ourselves). Like. Dude genuinely is trying his Fucking Best. And every time someone clocks him and treats him like a fucking problem 😤 He spent therapy this week trying to get that OUT of his head and she just. Shoved it all back in there.

But like. The painting thing. The littles get so upset - the walls are the same colour as one of the rooms we were trafficked to a lot. It's been months. And months. At one point one of them carved FIX ME into the wall because she doesn't feel heard and this is why! It turns into mom crying and we're all such a burden and problem and I'm gonna just rip my hair out because if you commit to helping someone with something they are OBVIOUSLY losing their shit over, fucking do it? We've been asking for like one hour of her time.

I know I'm just super emotional and this is all over the place but oh my goddddd it's been such an unstable past few weeks and Stephan was really trying to get us on track. I feel so fucking horrible for him. You're allowed to just be, dude. You're allowed to be withdrawn and exist. You're allowed to be awkward in your conversations no matter what she fucking feels about it.