#and have had lots of great convos sometimes as a result!

[theoldsports]

Mirror

Coriolanus Snow x Reader. 6.1k words.

18+ some smut, but it’s dicey. dubcon, biting, fingering, nudity, nonconsensual touch, drugs/alcohol? rehab discussion briefly, threats of violence, the shower, struggle against media, one reference to a line from scripture, possessiveness, manipulation. it’s dark. prolonged exposure to it is bad for you.

longest one yet! chronologically follows Married 1+2 in the TRUCULENT series fairly rapidly. i really learned to love this one. upon editing, this story became way more about gaslighting and headfucking someone good and hard into relying on you. special thank you to @heavqn for beta-ing and ridiculous amounts of support and ideas. a lot of our pre-editing convos made this make much more sense to me. + votes are in: next installment/current WIP will be the wedding.

CLICK FOR MORE! CAN BE READ AS SERIES OR STANDALONE

The hand against her shoulder shook her for a moment, then much faster. The shaking lasted seconds or even minutes before [Y/N] pried her eyes open. Everything in the bedroom looked too real, too clear. Coriolanus stood above her. His hand had been doing the shaking. He looked like he had just returned from a run due to his clothes and sweat-stained hair. His hair had grown back more beautifully than before. [Y/N] remembered seeing him when she saw him in the stacks of Philosophy books at the library right after he had returned from Twelve. It was jarring. She had always fancied him a pretty boy even if she loathed him throughout their childhood. He was much different upon his return.

Coriolanus pulled himself up out of the comfort of their bed almost every morning, far too early, to go for a run. [Y/N] didn’t know how she would endure a lifetime of his too chipper morning behavior once they were married. Coming down after a night on morphling was hard and still, she did it over and over again. Coriolanus knew he couldn’t stand in the way of a little fun, but he wouldn’t allow it in their home, so [Y/N] had become involved in using it socially when it was available to her.

“Great. You look like a bum.” Coriolanus said, noting the dark and sunken crescents under her eyes.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning. You look like a bum.”

“I’m not a bum.” [Y/N] replied tiredly. She rubbed her eyes.

Last night, [Y/N] had gone out dancing with some of her friends. It was not a bachelorette party in so many words, but it filled the same purpose. It was also a stretch to call the people she went out with friends in so many words, but they filled the same purpose. [Y/N] hadn’t felt that she had people other than Coriolanus for sometime now. She had gotten very drunk and very high the night before, resulting in frustration from Coriolanus when she returned home. He always waited up by the front door when she was gone so long. Coriolanus did not like it when she wasn’t home with him. She would make it up to him somehow— she always did.

“Come on, up with you.” Coriolanus commanded. He sat on the edge of the bed and pushed her up to a sitting position. His voice was harsh, but his touch was soft. [Y/N] adored Coriolanus’ careful, yet guiding touches. Unless his dick was in her, he only touched her with care like she was a porcelain figurine.

“Why all the rush?” [Y/N] yawned.

“You don’t remember?” Coriolanus sighed. He was upset in that pompous way of his. He rubbed his creased forehead. “Seriously, [Y/N]. I ask so little of you and you can’t even behave well enough to remember that we have an interview in…” he checked his watch. “Three hours.” Coriolanus said. It was false that he asked so little of [Y/N]. Sometimes, he asked too much.

An hour exclusive on Lucky Flickerman’s daytime chatter joint. Shit. That woke [Y/N] up. “That’s today!” She exclaimed. That was the only caffeine she needed to wake her up. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Coryo. I didn’t think—“

“No. No Coryo. No, you didn’t think,” Coriolanus said. He needn’t elaborate. “Shower. We’ve got to beat downtown traffic.”

[Y/N] swore Coriolanus scheduled things like this at the worst possible times just to make her look worse than him.

She pushed her shaky legs off the bed. As soon as she stood, [Y/N] felt like she was going to fall. Perceptively, Coriolanus stood and placed his ever-vigilant hand on her lower back to steady her. “You’re a mess.” He said flatly. [Y/N] could tell that Coriolanus felt damp from his run. It crossed her mind that Coriolanus drank bitter coffee, did his work on time, smoked very little and went on a run daily. [Y/N] regularly got too high to see straight and cried when she didn’t get her way. Some pair they were.

“‘M not.” she protested messily. She didn’t want to admit that Coriolanus was right.

Coriolanus huffed indignantly, but did not reply otherwise. He walked her to the bathroom like marching a child to the naughty step. [Y/N] was set down on the low counter-top. “I’m concerned you’re going to slip and give yourself a black-eye,” Coriolanus said. “I don’t want people to think I hurt you.” He pulled his track jacket off and dropped it on the floor and reached over to take her short magenta teddy off. She felt desperately bare in front of Coriolanus as she was striped mechanically like a child’s doll. The teddy she wore was one of her favorites, with the delicate lace on the bust. She appreciated that Coriolanus was equally as delicate as the lace when handling it. He must have remembered how much [Y/N] liked it. Coriolanus remembered everything.

[Y/N] was simply impressed she had gotten herself into pajamas after last night at all.

“You’re going to ruin yourself if you keep doing this, you know.” Coriolanus said, starting the shower water.

“So you keep telling me,” [Y/N] shivered due to her bareness against the bathroom tile. “I’m sorry.”

Coriolanus deflected with a shake of his head. He turned to her. Coriolanus was obviously thinking about speaking as the water heated up. Hot water whenever desired was Coriolanus’ number one favorite thing about rebuilding the Snow fortune. That’s why he took his showers too hot; to prove that he could. The thought gave him the confidence to speak. “Do I make you feel so ill that you have to run around and treat yourself like this? Did I do something?” The insecurity of that question made [Y/N] raise an eyebrow. Sometimes when she looked at Coriolanus and realized he was still a boy in many regards. Twenty-three wasn’t very old at all. His frontal lobe wasn’t even finished developing. His primary desire was to be enough for himself, for her, and for everyone else too. [Y/N] feared that he worried he hadn’t figured that out yet. The girl was far from figuring that out herself as well. She rarely saw vulnerability slip through the cracks in the finished marble exterior that built Coriolanus Snow. But who knew if what he said was a true feeling of his or not.

“No,” [Y/N] said. She looked down at her manicured toes. “I did this before we were, y’know… You’ve seen me at house parties since the Academy. You know it’s not you.”

“It has to stop,” Coriolanus started, dashing that fear from his mind. [Y/N] permitting a discussion without blocking him out unpowered him to share his concerns. “It worries me when you’re out late with who knows who. With so many people seeing you. It’s not just part of an act, it’s bad for you.” He said, but what he meant to say was it’s bad for me.

“I knew you had jealousy problems, Coriolanus, but being worried you can’t personally compete with your girl’s partying habits is… hilarious.” [Y/N] attempted a joke. She saw the vein in Coriolanus’ neck throb. His eyes got cold when his vulnerability, no matter how shallow, was met with rejection.

“Get in the shower.”

[Y/N] cast her eyes down, took off her panties and did what she was told.

“It’s so hot!” She all but screamed.

[Y/N] let the water scald her skin. She didn’t want to complain at his trying to help her. “You’ll deal with it,” Coriolanus said, sliding the shower door shut behind the both of them. [Y/N] hadn’t even noticed him undressing, but here they were. They had never been in the shower together before. It wasn’t unpleasant, but the circumstances were. “For the record, I don’t have a ‘jealousy problem.’” He said after a moment of allowing [Y/N] hair to get damp enough to shampoo.

“Really?” [Y/N] bit back, reaching clumsily for her shampoo bottle with slippery fingers.

“Really. Jealousy isn’t a problem when you understand what’s rightfully yours,” Coriolanus said. Normally, she blocked Coriolanus out when he spoke like that. Maybe it was physical proximity or toxic prolonged exposure to Coriolanus, but that made her blush red in the face. Ignoring it, [Y/N]’s fingers closed around her pink and brown shampoo bottle, but Coriolanus snatched it out of her fingers effortlessly. “Let me. I want to be sure it gets done,” He muttered with a passive aggressive edge. That attitude seemed like a put-on to [Y/N]. She wondered if he wanted an excuse to be close to her. She made those up sometimes to be close to him. Maybe she was just flattering herself. Coriolanus squeezed some shampoo into his palm and set the bottle down on the shower ledge. “Who were you out with anyway?”

“Um… Some of the girls. Lysistrata. Oh, Clem. Some others.” [Y/N] braced a hand against the damp wall to steady her feet on the slippery ground.

“Clemensia?” Coriolanus asked, sliding his fingers into her hair, careful as ever. It felt newly intimate in a way that Coriolanus typically avoided with her.

“Who else?”

“I see. You know she’s—“

“I know you don’t like her.” [Y/N] said. Coriolanus was silent.

“I don’t like when you go out without me. I just worry.” He finally said.

“I’m sure you do.”

It was silent between them. Coriolanus worked the shampoo into her hair easily. A man known for his rough intensity being gentle with anything was a surprise to her.

“Did you see anyone else?” He asked nonchalantly.

[Y/N] sighed. Even casual conversation turned to interrogation. She wasn’t sure if he meant it, or if it was all he knew how to do. “Do you mean… Was I photographed behaving in some unsightly way? I dunno. I probably was. I wasn’t unfaithful, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“Stop.” Coriolanus said, leaving no room for further argument.

It was quiet again. “Thank you for washing my hair. That’s, uh, it’s very kind.”

“Don’t mention it.” He replied, coaxing [Y/N] back under the water to rinse out the suds. His long fingers combed back through her hair over and over again. [Y/N], soapy, turned around and stared at Coriolanus’ wet face and hair. Even when appearing like a drowned animal, his imposing figure was statuesque.

[Y/N] leaned up and kissed him quickly. “I’m sorry I forgot about the interview,” she whispered, barely louder than the shower water. She apologized more than he did, but he responded well to knowing someone other than him was in the wrong. “Do I really look like shit?”

Coriolanus sighed, more familiarly this time. He loved when she needed him. He would insult her all day long if it meant he got to give her more validation later on. “No,” he slipped a hand under her breast and gave it a squeeze, his thumb danced across her nipple. “No, you don’t,” His other hand wormed its way across her cheek to brush away that disgusting makeup residue from the night prior. “You just needed a little polish. Let’s finish up. Go get dressed. Coffee’s on in the kitchen.”

“You poison it?”

Coriolanus frowned exasperatedly. He reached the hand cupping her breast around to her ass and gave it a hard, wet smack. “You bitch.” He smirked.

Sins almost all forgiven.

—

Every time [Y/N] was in a car with Coriolanus, it felt like a coaching session. Hand on her thigh with, don’t say this, say that instead, let me speak first, don’t embarrass me.

No point in elaborating on the most familiar part of their normal day-to-day since it really was habit at this point. [Y/N] always ached to snap back at him after these times. One day, don’t embarrass me was going to hit so hard that she did.

When they got out of the car a few blocks from their destination, [Y/N] had dawned her bright purple sunglasses. Coriolanus hated them and had tried on multiple occasions to buy her new ones to no avail. The daylight was still too bright for her tired eyes, so they were going to be worn on the walk to Capitol News.

After half a block (and so close to a news building), they were swamped by people clicking away at them. It made the bright sun burn hotter. Coriolanus’ white blonde hair and intimidating stature was much too easy to pick out in a crowd for their sunglasses and long jackets to disguise much.

Right now, besides Games news, they were the hottest topic of discussion in the Capitol. Their engagement party had been wild, [Y/N] was typically wild, and Coriolanus was characteristically unwild. It made for good TV.

Coriolanus leaned in to whisper something. [Y/N] couldn’t hear it. All she could do was smile and tell any reporters with microphones ‘no thank you,’ or ‘you’ll have to watch Lucky’s to answer for that.’ Coriolanus merely smiled a smile that was not his smile and said ‘not now folks, we’ll be late,’ or ‘don’t worry about them, Darling.’

[Y/N] was leashed by Coriolanus’ hand on the back of her neck as he guided her through crowds. He had two dressbags of clothes for the show tossed effortlessly over his shoulder as they walked. They were a newsroom’s wetdream. She was exuberant and he was magnetic. And they were both trouble. Power, wealth, youth, stability and status. Everyone liked to watch them at their best and loved to watch them at their worst.

“How do you put up with it, Mr. Snow!” A bland-looking man with a microphone called.

“How was the party last night, [Y/N]!” Called another. They always called [Y/N] by her first name because, frankly, she was fairly certain they didn’t know her maiden name and technically she wasn’t Mrs. Snow yet either. Coriolanus’ grip on her tightened at the question.

She smirked at how the power of her own name took away power from her family and their name; the thing they desperately wanted a morsel of.

Considering a future where she inevitably became Mrs. Snow, she thought about how her lifetime of indiscretions would be tied to Coriolanus forever. She smirked wider at their folie a deux.

[Y/N] felt like a doll again, being pushed by Coriolanus like that. She didn’t hate it entirely, though. She liked it when he manhandled her a little. It helped with all the noise that surrounded them these days to be able to turn her brain off and let Coriolanus handle it for her. She would never admit it, but being a good doll for Coriolanus for the foreseeable future didn’t seem too bad. Her stomach churned wicked for thinking that. It made her antsy to not have an exciting retort in front of reporters. [Y/N] usually did, but her head ached too much this morning. Instead, she looked helplessly up at Coriolanus. He glanced down at her, an eyebrow raised. “Overwhelmed?” He asked quietly, but not too quietly. [Y/N] nodded. “Don’t worry, my dear. We’re almost there.” Coriolanus said like a good husband should. [Y/N] thought about how he was rarely such a good husband when other people weren’t looking. Then why had he seemed to care so much that morning? She must’ve been mistaken about one part or the other.

[Y/N] leaned up and kissed him for in part for his kindness. The crowd aww’d. Kisses were a good way to distract a man. Any man, receiving or watching. Coriolanus’ hand slipped down from her neck to the back of her waist. Her fingers went into the soft hair at the bottom of his neck. She felt him inhale sharply. She knew he hated that. “What was that for?” Coriolanus asked when he pulled away, referring to the kiss.

“Wanted to make sure you were real. None of this feels real.” [Y/N] laughed dizzily. It was true, but she felt stupid saying it. She had spent a lot of time feeling stupid recently and this morning was no exception. The hangover and the whirlwind of voices and flashes had emptied her brain completely. Coriolanus leaned in to whisper in her ear again. This time she caught what he said:

“Stop this. We’ve ten steps until we’re in the building. I’ve told you not to touch my hair.”

He pulled away from her and put on his brilliant, effortless smirk that rich boys his age always had. Coriolanus yanked [Y/N] the remaining distance into the news building.

As soon as they entered, they were whisked away to dress for that afternoon’s broadcast. [Y/N] was dropped into a beautician’s chair to make her face look like someone else’s. She groaned at the duty she held.

Makeup brushes and blowdryers and curling irons and spray bottles of who knows what clouded [Y/N] of vision.

She wished Coriolanus was in her immediate vicinity so she could glance over him and laugh cruelly about how stupid all this is. He was always good for a laugh at the expense of things like this.

“Honey, who does your hair on the regular? I suggest you switch to someone else.” The obscene-looking woman pulling her hair back asked.

[Y/N] laughed, but said nothing. [Y/N] wanted to strangle her.

Not long after that, [Y/N] was pulled up to her feet and forced into a dress that she at least knew she liked. Tight around the waist and thighs, capping off at the knees. It was higher necked, but was so tight that it left little to the imagination. She knew Coriolanus would get frustrated with a fluffy dress, so she picked one that would make his eyes bug out instead. It was off-white with a delicate floral pattern outlined in a brighter white.

[Y/N] looked great. She knew this as she admired the contrasting bulk of the shoulders and flowing sleeves with the clinging exposure of her curves everywhere else. She didn’t exactly look like herself, though. Especially with her hair and makeup done so precisely. She wasn’t precise, she was messy. Precise didn’t suit her.

[Y/N] wondered if the her that stared back in the full-body mirror was the real her now. Messy her was gone. A Capitol wife remained. A doll.

She slid her black ankle-breaking heels on and shook the thought away as she entered the sound stage.

[Y/N] always forgot how noble Coriolanus was capable of looking, considering he was distinctly the opposite. She stared at him. Mauve coat, black trousers, crisp white undershirt, white tie, white rose. Clearly, he had let someone touch his hair. Even if it was a stylist.

Coriolanus gestured for her to walk over to where he stood and Lucky sat. It was difficult to walk with the dress clinging around her knees and the height of her heels. Her short, intentional steps felt demeaning. Most things in her life felt vaguely demeaning, but she kept turning a purposeful blind eye. The stage lights were too bright. Coriolanus’ teeth were too white for the amount of throats he’d ripped out.

Capitol magic.

“Hello Darling. You look lovely.” Coriolanus said as she approached. He took his hand in her and kissed it. Coriolanus’ eyes never looked up at hers because they were too busy looking at how her body fit the dress.

“Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself,” she replied neutrally. “Hi Lucky. Green’s really your color.” [Y/N] lied. Lucky’s green, wintery tux was vile and everyone with eyes and a modicum of taste would see that.

Coriolanus coughed into his shoulder to cover a scoff. He wrapped a strong arm around [Y/N]’s waist.

“Thank you, [Y/N]! Good to see you, pleasantries, pleasantries, yada yada. Shall I call you [Y/N]…? Mrs. Snow… The network doesn’t really know what the hell to do with you.” Lucky beamed from his chair.

“Oh, uh… I’m not really Mrs. Snow yet. It’s not necessary. My first name will do. I’m not picky, though.”

She felt Coriolanus deflate a little beside her as he dropped her waist and folded himself into the gaudy patterned armchair the network provided. [Y/N] felt a sting of guilt. Maybe she should have let him carry on with the Mrs. Snow thing. Coriolanus would have to get over it. “Sure thing, hon. Anyway, go ahead. Take your seat. Some of these questions are tacky, tacky, tacky, but do your best and humor us. Panem wants to know the real you.” Lucky beamed.

“I’m sure they do.” They don’t. And they won’t.

“You kids really are… Wow, lovely to share the stage with. You make me look old and sad comparatively, damn,” Lucky joked. “It’s been a good while since I’ve had the pleasure of sitting alongside Coriolanus like this. You were a child then. Crazy, the passage of time.” He continued.

“Lucky, it’s always an honor.” Coriolanus said. Coriolanus hated Lucky. [Y/N] marveled at his ability to lie so gracefully.

A group of production folks stepped out of the shadows to give them bottled water and let them know the show was about to begin. The studio audience poured in through side doors.

[Y/N] quickly leaned over to Coriolanus. “I thought this was a pre-tape.” She whispered frantically.

“You didn’t remember this interview existed three hours ago. You’ll deal with it.” He replied, with a note of his own panic he was unable to squash.

Fifteen minutes of seating and then a live camera inches away from [Y/N]’s face. “Well, we really thank you for having us on your show, Lucky.” She smiled. The audience analyzed them like vultures. This was the most wicked game designed for them, but Coriolanus didn’t lose. [Y/N] would have to be perfect.

“Of course! Always a pleasure, [Y/N]. Let’s get to some of these questions on my handy little list of questions, huh?” A few shallow questions about what designers they were wearing, what their morning routine was like to look so gorgeous, Coriolanus leaning over to hold [Y/N]’s hand across their chairs (the audience sighed lovingly). Coriolanus curls, stubborn as he was, fell out of the hold of the hairspray like they always did. She smirked and reached up with her left hand to push them out of his eyes. Oh, he hated that. [Y/N] could tell. Lovely.

“Oh, look at that ring,” Lucky said. “The ring we’ve all been talking about. Let’s get a closeup on that rock,” the camera pushed in to [Y/N]’s hand obediently. A large ruby mounted on a white gold band. She had been assured it was real. [Y/N]’s other jewelry, silver, sat patina-ing in a wooden box because of it.“Beautiful. Must’ve cost you a pretty penny, Coriolanus.”

“Yes, Coryo, how much did it cost?” [Y/N] asked. Coriolanus shifted in his seat. Money was not a thing Coriolanus discussed.

“A bit.” He replied stiffly. [Y/N] grinned.

“Uh, you both are mighty famous for that ring. I suppose it’s time to discuss that crazy engagement party. I was there to witness the whole thing firsthand, of course.”

The Snows-to-be nodded.

“These questions can get uncomfortable, but I’m sure you’ll answer all the same. So, your relationship seems… Alarmingly happy today for two people debating splitting over infidelity at the celebration of their engagement.”

“Please, we only debate it when I’m drunk, Lucky.” [Y/N] said much to the audiences joy. They laughed heartily.

“Which is too often, if you want my opinion.” Another laugh from the audience for Coriolanus, never one for being outdone. She knew, in his mind, she deserved that.

“Rehabilitation is always an opinion.” Lucky joked darkly, not knowing what to say.

“Being wild is fun, though, isn’t it? I’m not from privilege and grace as much as my fiancé. He’s always been elegant. I’m learning; I have a good teacher. But you only get your youth once. You would know, I’m sure, Lucky. When someone loves you as much as Coriolanus loves me… He always forgives my mistakes. He’s too good me. He’s patient.” [Y/N] said. He was patient, but it came out in the way that he played the long game. His impulses along the way were markedly less patient. Coriolanus squeezed her hand tightly as a warning.

Lucky smiled bitterly. “Well, I’m sure he’ll learn to keep you on a shorter leash eventually. Actually, I hear you were out last night as well.”

Fuck.

“Yes, bachelorette party, you see.”

“The studio’s telling me,” Lucky clutched his earpiece. “They have some photos from your last wild night as an unwed woman.”

“Oh. Is that so…? Haha,” [Y/N] said. Coriolanus squeeze her hand until her own knuckles were white. Neither one of them had a clue what they were about to throw up on that screen. Coriolanus inhaled shakily, but maintained neutrality. “Can’t be worse than the sides you saw of us a few months back at the—“

It was worse.

The dress was short, but Coriolanus had known that when she stopped into his office to tell him she was going out. He had responded with a “That? Really? Okay…” with quiet anger that the dress wasn’t being worn for him.

Then there was the dreaded miniature morphling vile empty between her fingers. It was obvious she was trying to talk with her friends under the flashing lights. They were all wearing similar fare. Six or seven drunk, high young women pictured together wasn’t that bad, even for some of the old school Capitol prudes.

None was more damning than the strange man’s hand planted firmly on [Y/N]’s ass. His smile was too wide. The [Y/N]’s in the picture’s grimace at the stranger over her shoulder was uncomfortable. It screamed DON’T-TOUCH-ME. She looked like she was telling him to stop, but her eyes were wide and her lips were pulled into a frown. The subtext implied by the woman in the photo was Coriolanus is going to kill me. She sighed. The crowd gasped. Coriolanus inhaled sharply.

[Y/N] had said her behavior the night before was inherently not unfaithful. Coriolanus didn’t feel the need to not believe her since she was the one who brought it up. The apples of Coriolanus cheeks grew red with rage. The stranger’s smile was too big. He knew he was touching Coriolanus Snow’s fiancée. He knew was taking advantage of a helpless girl and her friends. He knew he was defacing someone else’s property.

Coriolanus Snow was going to find this man and ruin his life.

[Y/N], humiliated, looked over at Coriolanus. She had a hazy memory of telling some guy to “knock it off” the night before. Truly, she did remember this, but of course, she hadn’t thought this would be a big deal. This was a part of her life she had had to deal with since she was a young woman. This man’s action was undesired, but not unexpected. Taking in the photo and the look on his fiancée’s face as she shook her head slowly at him was enough for Coriolanus to determine that this touch was unwanted. [Y/N] looked guilty, but she had little reason to be. He hated seeing that look on her face in a situation he didn’t create.

[Y/N]’s only crime was going out without Coriolanus. She knew he hated when she did that. If he had been there, he would’ve handled the situation there and then. She was never going out alone again. She needed him. Right now, he was going to be the man she needed.

“Take that off the screen.” Coriolanus said firmly to Lucky.

“Well, first, let’s have—“ Lucky tried.

“I don’t think you heard me. I said take it down,” Coriolanus continued. He turned to the cameras and those behind them. “Now.”

Coriolanus watched a young woman at a screen immediately buckle at his demand and begin scrambling to pull the image. The show’s graphic was returned to the monitor. “Thank you,” Coriolanus said in the woman’s direction. [Y/N] stared at the floor, beet-red. She was trying not to cry, but what would it matter if she did? Coriolanus knew too well the meaning of her tell-tale sniffle and avoidant eye contact. He turned back to Lucky. “I think that was extremely rude of you and your production group to put up an image, without consent, of my fiancée getting touched without consent. It’s apparent to me from looking at that photo that my fiancée did not welcome that touch. Would you agree?”

“Possibly, but since the engagement party—“

“I think you forget I trust [Y/N]. Are you the one marrying her?”

“… No. But hey, this is my show, kid. Let’s get back on track with—“

Coriolanus knew better than most people that what was said and done on live television was as good as forever. He would use that to his advantage. Nobody came for Coriolanus’ belongings and left with the hand that tried to snatch them.

“I’m not finished,” Coriolanus snapped. [Y/N] reached for Coriolanus’ hand again to signal that that’s enough, dear. He took it and looked over at her. He was angry; normal person righteous angry. Not manic, not cold. That was a new face. Coriolanus had so many pretend faces that clipped on and off. [Y/N] had previously thought she had seen them all. “Were you wanting that touch, Princess? Did you know him?” He asked [Y/N]. She shook her head with her eyes damp and downcast. “As I implied, you don’t know us. Don’t ever embarrass my fiancée like that,” or me, [Y/N] assumed his subtext as he spoke. “Whoever this moron in the picture is has another thing coming. What kind of self-respecting news network aims to humiliate guests for something they couldn’t help?” Coriolanus said. [Y/N]’s heart raced. He cared. Maybe it was for selfish reasons, but his support mattered. No one else was going to do it.

Sometimes he was absent, yes, but Coriolanus always came through when [Y/N] needed him. She was grateful that he wasn’t angry with her, even if that part came later in private. She was grateful for now that his way of easing his own pain eased hers too. She could get used to that. [Y/N] let out tears of temporary relief and reached for the box of tissues on the round table between guests and host.

Coriolanus stared Lucky down and settled himself further back in his seat with a sigh. “Next question?” The blonde man said.

—

The ride home was nearly silent. [Y/N] had started crying the second she sat down in the car. Coriolanus hadn’t say anything, but he kept his hand in hers the whole time. He didn’t even fight to let go when his palm got sweaty. [Y/N] pulled his hand close to her chest. She had done nothing wrong, yet she felt that everything was her fault. She had failed Coriolanus. This media wreck wasn’t just a game for photographers and journalists, this one embarrassed her genuinely. This one embarrassed Coriolanus and she was constantly told she was not supposed to do that. Don’t embarrass me rang against every corner in her brain.

The car stopped in front of their building. Coriolanus, as he always seemed to, opened her car door before the driver could get out. Coriolanus thanked the driver and put an arm around [Y/N] and led her up the stairs to their townhouse. The door closed behind them. Coriolanus locked the deadbolt with a heavy clunk. Safe from eyes that watched every failure with glee. They could be people again.

“I’m sorry, Coriolanus,” [Y/N] said, mascara down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know him. Really, I didn’t. I told you this morning. I—I didn’t know him.” She backed herself protectively towards the couch and away from Coriolanus in learned preemptive panic.

“I know,” Coriolanus said. “Nobody but me gets to touch you like that. I know you’re smart enough to understand that. I cannot fathom how another man thinks he can do that to you and get away with it.”

“That’s… That’s been happening my whole adult life, you can’t magically make that—“

“I don’t think you understand, Darling. I can. I don’t want to know that anyone has ever touched you like that. I swear on my mother’s grave. I will fucking murder them.” His winter blue eyes could vaporize a perpetrator on the spot.

“Coriolanus, that’s extreme.”

“Not to me. Not when you’re involved.”

“You can’t hurt people that looked at me funny. It’s hardly a crime.”

“Isn’t their some old line about not coveting another man’s wife?”

“…Yes. You have a future. You can’t interrupt your opportunities because some shithead—“

“It won’t interrupt anything. Wouldn’t it make you feel better to know that a creep like that was off the streets?”

“…Yes.”

“Well, then we agree. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. Don’t you worry about a thing.”

[Y/N] blushed and looked down. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.

“Don’t be. I’m not angry with you about this. I know I can trust you. I do. You know I do. I don’t worry about that. I cannot trust other people around you, especially when you use that filthy drug,” Coriolanus said. He extend a hand to [Y/N] as he approached like he would approaching a scared animal. That hand went slowly to [Y/N]’s waist. Coriolanus pulled her in closer so they were chest to chest. “You are not going out without me to some party like that ever again. Disrespecting you like that means disrespecting me, too. I won’t stand for either.”

“I—“

Coriolanus was going to get what he wanted all along: [Y/N] alone with him always. How could she need anyone else? Everyone out there wanted to hurt her, touch her, make her feel bad about herself. Not Coriolanus. Perhaps, he should be thanking that man instead of cutting his fingers off one at a time. “No. Let me keep you safe. That’s all this is. I want you safe. I’m to be your husband. That’s my job. Won’t you let me do my job, [Y/N]?” He said too calmly. His blue eyes stared deep into hers. Coriolanus had a fantastic talent for telling someone something and letting them think it was a question; letting them think it was their idea— letting them they had a choice.

He was right. He did make her feel safe. Holding on to her like this made her melt. In Coriolanus’ arms, [Y/N] felt secure. He was moody, but Coriolanus was frustratingly reliable. He wanted to make himself the bedrock of [Y/N]’s life. She had no choice but to allow him that. [Y/N] breathed out and he felt her breath fan out across his face. “Let me take care of you. I won’t let that happen to you anymore. I promise.” Coriolanus muttered.

He tipped his mouth slowly into her neck and hungrily sucked at the place below her ear. A gasp caught in [Y/N]’s throat at the surprise sensation. Her knees wobbled and her dress and shoes didn’t make it any better. She put her arms around his neck for support. “Coriolanus…” she whispered. Coriolanus loved the vibration in her throat beneath his lips.

Helplessly, [Y/N] tipped her head back to give her fiancé what he wanted. Coriolanus had sucked a few hickeys on her neck and chest before, sure. Never before had he bitten her. This time, he bit her hard enough to bruise and scab. It was harder to cover an indent with makeup than a simple bruise. If she were to go out even to the grocery store, other men had to understand that [Y/N] was off the market. If an engagement ring wouldn’t do it, this would. Coriolanus bit her with such force that the tears started to well again.

The position they were in felt like a dance. His hands on her waist, hers on his neck, their bodies flush together. [Y/N] fell deeper into the black hole of Coriolanus Snow. This must have been on purpose. He knew she loved to dance with him and made it a weapon. Damn him. She would always say yes to a dance, wouldn’t she? Wasn’t this whole relationship just a fucked up dance?

The man reached one hand down and pulled up [Y/N]’s dress as much as he could get it up and tore it the rest of the way. [Y/N] could swear she had been torn out of a third of her clothing recently. Coriolanus pushed her panties to the side and pushed his fingers into her. It would have hurt if she hadn’t been so wet to begin with. She bobbled on her heels. Once Coriolanus has pumped himself fingertip to hand in and out of her a handful of times, [Y/N] was holding herself up entirely by his neck and shoulders and the fingers that impaled her tenderly. Coriolanus had complete control over the situation. The only thing left for her to do was moan and she didn’t hold back.

Coriolanus was unrelenting. He marked a disturbing black and blue column on her throat the way he liked. Slowly, the pair rocked back and forth from foot to foot, as Coriolanus nipped, fucked and sucked. A fucked-up slow dance to the song of the traffic on the other side of the window.

MORE FROM THE TRUCULENT SERIES

TAGLIST:

@badwicht @stelleduarte @cinnamongirl127 @prettyppetty @soulessien @bejeweledreverie @jjstyles @arminsarlerts @chmpgneprblem @co1dmountains @miscellaneousmoonchild @lille999 @pumkinnxsmut @taykorsyogurt @ndycrls @watermelonharry @nananarwhal @ohantonia @catlover420sstuff @justaproudslytherpuff @notarabellasstuff @scarytiger111 @zucchinimalfoy @secretsicanthideanymore @h-l-vlovesvintage @dannydevsbbg @clintsupremacy @lookclosernow @10ava01 @or-was-it-just-a-dream @lucielsstuff @fairyydvst @spencereidbasis @a-mellifluous-life @daenerysqueenofhearts @heavqn @dangelnleif @lapisthelovely @wotcherpeak @24kmar

apologies as always for the little tags that couldn’t.

[youhideastar]

out with the wolves deleted scenes

As promised, I come bearing deleted scenes from out with the wolves, the alpha/alpha installment of Wangxian A/B/O Bingo (which is now complete!). Many of these are nsfw text, just fyi. There's another content warning appended to the specific scene that needs it. I hope you enjoy!

I started this story in June 2022, and whoo, it has gone through a lot of structural changes. At first, it was going to be alternating present day and flashbacks, like Fit for Purpose. Then, it was going to unfold in three time periods: “Now,” which would start from the strategy meeting scene, “Then,” which would start from the Yunmeng Courier Station, and “Before,” which would start from WWX’s arrival in CR. When you read the finished fic, you can still see the traces of these structures, but I ultimately decided to go with something less formal, where there are some flashbacks but they don’t alternate every other scene—and the flashbacks are all very short. This is a story that unfolds in the present, and we only go back to the past long enough for LWJ to remember it – not long enough to actually create a separate narrative.

Anyway, this was a version of a CR flashback from that earlier structure.

Lan Wangji was not supposed to want Wei Wuxian: he was a troublemaker, and a drunk, somehow both frivolous and dangerous at once. And he was a beta, and Lan Wangji, like any alpha, was destined for a match with an omega, whose sweet, yielding temperament would naturally call forth in him a complementary tenderness and a fierce urge to protect and provide.

But it was not utterly unorthodox to desire a beta – someone more lively and spirited, someone who might playact at resistance before yielding eagerly.

Lan Wangji had such thoughts. Was cursed with such thoughts, constantly, at inappropriate times, with mortifying results. But those were not his only thoughts about Wei Wuxian. Sometimes…

Sometimes he imagined a resistance greater than mere playacting. He would return to the Jingshi after sparring practice and lose himself in fantasies of a battle that ended in a hotter, filthier collision of bodies. One in which Wei Wuxian fought tooth and nail, and did not simply allow Lan Wangji to take his prize.

They still ended the same way, of course. Wei Wuxian on his knees, on his back, moaning with pleasure as Lan Wangji possessed him.

Nevertheless.

It was not orthodox. It was not right. And no amount of meditation in the Cold Springs or anywhere else could seem to cure him of it.

It’s ridiculous how bad that is compared to what’s in the final version. And you can tell that the final version of LWJ’s character is waaaay more repressed than this.

Another thing that changed about the story’s structure was that I was originally going to follow the timeline of the drama exactly, meaning that LWJ’s conversation with LXC about whether the world is orderly would take place right after the strategy meeting and right before the courtyard fight. Abandoning that fidelity to canon—the “is the world orderly” convo now takes place at a totally different time and actually takes place out in the field rather than in the Unclean Realm—really unlocked this story and was a huge breakthrough for me.

Before that breakthrough, though, I had two scenes in a row that end on LWJ orgasming and then feeling horrified: the “LWJ gets blood on his mouth from his sleeve” bit and the dream scene that ends with LWJ waking and remembering his rut.  I couldn’t have those two scenes adjoining—they were too similar—so I needed another scene to go between them. In the finished fic, that is where the “is the world orderly” scene takes place, which is perfect thematically, perfect for character development, and does a great job of varying the content of the scenes. But originally, I thought I needed to cook up a new scene for that purpose, and I came up with the following. Content warning for attempted rape.

A LAN CULTIVATOR TRIES TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF A PRISONER OF WAR. LAN WANGJI HAPPENS UPON THIS.

“Kneel,” he says.

She is an alpha, as he is – built for dominance. But her strength is as nothing compared to his. Her attempt at struggle is an eyeblink; then, her knees hit the ground.

“Draw your sword,” Lan Wangji commands. She does.

“Place the blade against your left wrist.”

Her eyes are wide with terror as her own hand, unwillingly, places the edge of her sword against her wrist. “Lan-er-gongzi,” she bleats.

His fury has turned to ice. Holding her gaze, he says quietly, “Do you doubt that I could make you strike?”

She shakes her head. Tears are streaming from the corners of her eyes.

“You did not succeed in your aim,” he says. “Thus, you may keep your hand. This time. No second chance.”

“Yes, Lan-er-gongzi,” she whispers. “Thank you, Lan-er-gongzi.”

If she survives the war, he will have her expelled from the sect. But, though the thought tastes bitter at the back of his tongue, they cannot afford to lose any soldiers now. “Go,” he orders, and she stumbles to her feet and leaves.

When she is gone, the Wen prisoner looks up at him. Her eyes are empty. When he steps toward her, she flinches.

“I will not harm you,” he says.

“You challenged for me, and you won,” she replies, voice dull. “I know what happens next.”

“No,” Lan Wangji says. He helps her to her feet.

When he begins to lead her back to the pen where the prisoners are held before transfer, she begins to struggle in her chains. A pitiful wisp of scent, tinged with seduction but mostly redolent of fear, wafts toward him. “You can,” she says, “I won’t fight, I—you’ve never had an alpha, right? It’s—it doesn’t make you a pervert, if you’re the one on top. I’ll let you—”

Lan Wangji stops, and captures her gaze. With the full force of his scent, he demands, “Why?”

She fights the compulsion. Fights it longer than she fought Lan Xihu’s. Whatever she is protecting is worth more to her than her body… but Lan Wangji knew that. After an impressive handful of heartbeats, she sags.

“My mate,” she whispers. The syllables are mangled – she is trying to bite her lips shut. “He’s there.” Her gaze flicks toward the prisoner pen. “Don’t hurt him,” she begs. Her scent is heavy with hopelessness.

I liked this because it hit some worldbuilding notes that touch on unanswered questions (“if it’s so stigmatized for an alpha to be penetrated, what about female alphas, Dea?”) and emphasize some points that the reader might otherwise overlook (the stigma of alpha/alpha pairing, what an alpha’s compulsion looks like outside of a sexy setting and how it would function socially, how a challenge works). But this is too far outside canon, in a way that doesn’t serve the themes or the character development. The very fact that it introduces two OCs was a sign that it wasn’t a good fit.

The “is the world orderly” scene in the final version ends pretty quickly; this was the original ending, starting after LXC gives his answer:

Lan Wangji feels a wash of shock—and then, fleetingly, rage: now, after twenty years of placing the rules at the center of our lives, you dare to say—

But to call it rage is to give the anger false dignity; it is, he realizes, nothing more the temper tantrum of a child denied an expected treat. When he asked the question, he expected a particular answer—one that would be safe, and comfortable—but that does not make it Lan Xichen’s responsibility to give it to him.

When Lan Wangji asked the question, he had expected the answer to be “yes.” That was what he had been taught since his birth—by Lan Xichen first and best. He had thought that Lan Xichen’s words would ground him; instead, he feels as if what little foundation he had left has been ripped away.

But it has the weight of truth. He cannot dismiss it, even as it frightens him.

Lan Xichen steps closer; his gaze is warm with sympathy. “Wangji…”

Lan Wangji realizes that if his brother asks him about Wei Ying again, now, he will tell the truth. He must not, but he will. He stares at his brother in mute desperation, almost lightheaded with dread.

Lan Xichen pauses. Rests his lips together. Then, with a soft puff of almost-scentless air, he sighs. “It is after hai shi,” he says, with undeserved mercy.

“Wangji will leave Xiongzhang to his rest.”

Parts of this remain in the final version—and those are the important parts. The rest was unnecessary.

Okay, then in the soup scene, there was this, which was again meant to establish more how alpha commands work:

She is cut off before she can finish speaking.

“Tell me what happened,” Wei Ying says—no, commands, with the full force of his scent behind it. Lan Wangji stares at him in shock.

The order hits Luo Qingyang with such force that she rocks backward on her feet. Nevertheless, she presses her lips together and sucks in a desperate breath through her nose. It is an impressive effort, but it will not last long.

“Tell him,” Jin Zixuan says, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth. Luo Qingyang takes another deep inhale – this one of relief.

But this ground is covered in LWJ’s flashback about compelling WWX to make copies and so forth in CR, and by the scene where LWJ almost compels Jiang Cheng, so it was redundant—and it’s a distraction.

From here on out, everything is cut from the sex scene, which comprises about half the fic.

First, I had been racking my brain figuring out where they were going to get lubricant, and after finally reaching an answer, I had WWX recreate my thought process:

Abruptly, Wei Ying climbs off of him and begins to search the house. “A blacksmith must have—have sword oil, or—cooking oil…” His movements are jerky; frenetic. His hands are shaking.

“We stripped the town of anything of use,” Lan Wangji says, lifting himself up on his elbows to watch in confusion as Wei Ying stalks from wall to wall opening cabinets and boxes. “There will be no sword oil, or oil for cooking or lamps—”

“Lamps.” Wei Ying freezes, then stumbles toward the door. He reaches up, then tosses his prizes to Lan Wangji: candle ends from used-up candles. “Tallow,” he says; clever, clever Wei Ying, even in the grip of instincts that would crush a lesser man.

But why—

“You don’t know, do you?” Wei Ying exasperated. “All your big talk about how you want—”

I felt so fucking clever. I was patting myself on the back, smug af.

Then I realized they have qiankun sleeves. Duhhhhhhh.

This next bit came after LWJ first sees WWX’s scars.

But Wei Ying is not looking at him. He is looking down at himself, as if seeing his own scars for the first time. His hands come up to drape over his shoulders and he looks, for a moment, self-conscious.

Then his face turns hard. “Like what you see?” he asks – a challenge.

But the answer is easy.

“Wei Ying. Breathe.”

Wei Ying inhales, surely catching the scent of Lan Wangji’s arousal. His eyes go wide and flick to Lan Wangji’s face. “You—”

“Touch me,” says Lan Wangji.

I always love me some WWX insecurity, but by this point, having LWJ reassure WWX that he really was wanted was getting repetitive.

And then! One of the last things I did in the fic was cut this next piece. I so liked the idea of WWX coming all over LWJ as a possessive gesture before we segue into the penetration section, and this was one of the first scenes I wrote for the fic, but I could not figure out a satisfying way to get in to it that wasn’t repetitive/redundant of other themes in the sex scene (here, WWX’s possessiveness). Worse, this was contributing to this seesaw thing where LWJ kept getting brought in and out of subspace, in and out, in and out, which is confusing for the reader – I don’t want people thinking, “Wait, is he mentally with-it right now or not?” That should always be clear, and this chunk of the scene was sabotaging that goal:

“I’ve never,” he breathes into Lan Wangji’s temple, face hidden. His hips roll, down, down – the rhythm plays in time with Lan Wangji’s heartbeat. “Have you?” he asks, pushing himself up to watch Lan Wangji’s face.

Lan Wangji swallows. “Never.”

Wei Ying’s answering smile is wolfish. He leans down again, until his lips are pressed against the shell of Lan Wangji’s ear.

“I thought so,” he says, low and satisfied. His breathing is harsh; the rasp of it makes Lan Wangji shiver. “That means you’re—”

He breaks off, bowing his spine and sucking in a deep breath. He bites the join of Lan Wangji’s neck and shoulder, then laps at the mark he’s made. His hips begin to work faster; the drag of his cock against Lan Wangji’s is unbearably good.

“I’ll show you,” Wei Ying murmurs, eyes unfocused and cheeks flushed. His thrusts are becoming frantic. “Let me show you now, I’ll make you see, make you feel it—”

“Please,” Lan Wangji begs. His mind has spun into silk again, lying here beneath Wei Ying, his body Wei Ying’s to use. Whatever Wei Ying wants to give him, Lan Wangji will take. He wants to. He wants that more than anything.

Wei Ying is panting now, face pressed to Lan Wangji’s skin. “You’re so—I never knew, Lan Zhan—ah!”

Hot wetness floods the space between their bodies – one thick spurt, then another, and another, Wei Ying emptying his knot with his teeth buried in Lan Wangji’s shoulder.

For the space of two shuddering breaths, Wei Ying is still.

Then he lifts his head. His eyes are full of fire.

“Up,” he says, and when Lan Wangji is not quick enough to push himself up on his elbows, Wei Ying fists a hand in his hair and drags his head up. “Look,” he demands. “Look.”

Lan Wangji obeys: looks down at what Wei Ying has given him.

Spend is splashed across his body; smeared on his still-hard cock; pooled on his belly; dripping over the edge and down his sides.

Even in his most depraved fantasies, Lan Wangji never imagined this. He lifts a hand, dazed, to trace a curve through the mess. He thinks about licking his fingers; but oh, he wants Wei Ying to feed it to him instead.

“What do you see?” Wei Ying demands.

Speaking is difficult, with his mind so spun-soft. “Yours,” is all Lan Wangji can manage. “Yours.”

Wei Ying makes a pleased hum. “Yes. Mine.”

Against his thigh, Lan Wangji can feel Wei Ying beginning to grow hard again.

I also did a lot of takes of the fingering sequence.

Lan Wangji forces himself to control his breathing – to release the muscles of his hips, so tight they had begun to ache like a clenched fist. The pain is less now that the initial shock is past, he can bear it well—

And then—there is more, suddenly – another finger, it must be, just when the first had begun to feel like something less than an invasion. Lan Wangji closes his eyes, tries to return to his controlled breath.

But his next inhale carries the burnt-hair scent of frustration. “Stop fighting me,” Wei Ying growls

That hurts. “I am not, I am trying—”

Pause.

“Have you ever done this? To yourself?”

Lan Wangji shakes his head.

Wei Ying squeezes his eyes shut. His left hand is bruise-tight on Lan Wangji’s thigh. “You’ve never. You’ve. How.”

“I was. Afraid.”

“Afraid.” Wei Ying bleak, feeling like a monster again.

“Of—of myself. Of liking it. Of what that would mean.”

Bitter laugh. “Well. No need to be afraid of liking it, I guess.”

Lan Wangji shakes his head. “Wei Ying. I need…”

Intent. “What do you need?”

“Make me,” Lan Wangji whispers.

“Make you.” Gaze sharpens. “Lan Zhan ah, Lan Zhan.” Smile. Alpha pheromones, super jacked-up in rut: “Spread your legs. Good. Now. Let me in.”

I really liked the “Afraid, of what, of liking it, no need to be afraid of liking it I guess” aspect of this, like really really liked it, but it made an already long sex scene so long, and also I decided after this that LWJ would have fingered himself during his last rut, so this didn’t fit the chronology anymore.

Finally, we have the first draft of the final conversation, back when it would have taken place in the blacksmith’s house.

“I can’t go to Gusu with you.”

LWJ FEELING SUPER BETRAYED.

“Not yet,” Wei Ying amends. “They need me, Lan Zhan.”

He means the sects; the allies. The people who look at him with suspicion while they use him.

“Call it arrogance,” says Wei Ying, looking up at the ceiling. “But I know. They can’t win this war without me.”

It is not arrogance. He is correct. Lan Wangji knows this.

“But if you still want to help me…”

Lan Wangji stiffens at the word if – before he can object, Wei Ying continues.

“I’ll… I’ll let you. I promise.”

Lan Wangji inhales slowly. His heart, which raced before, settles into a grateful rhythm.

“Thank you,” he says.

Isn’t it so vague, so general, compared to the final version? That's what stands out to me, anyway. One of my favorite John Hodgman aphorisms is “Specificity is the soul of narrative”—thankfully, I got there in the end!

Thanks for reading!

[butchybats]

Disabled!Daniel Molloy hcs (because I’m disabled and can do what I want to my blorbos)

• Isn’t officially diagnosed with anything but has chronic fatigue and pain, as well as muscle weakness and balance issues

• As a result he uses a rigid manual wheelchair that has teal framing and rims!! He picked out the color in high school but will probably stick with it when he gets his next wheelchair

• When Louis bit him he picked him up by the shoulders (for the drama but also because Louis would not bend down or get on his knees for his food) and then carefully helped him back into his wheelchair followed by the whole “will I die” convo because Louis might have a disregard for human life but he’s not ableist <3

• When he arrives at Lestat’s house he stays on the first floor because he does not have the energy to climb stairs after his journey. He still ends up locked in the cellar though

• The chase years are much shorter than in canon because pre ADA being passed it was difficult to travel with mobility aids, and that’s if they even gave him the opportunity to travel

• One time during this Armand buys a five star hotel room for Daniel because the cheaper one he was trying to get refused to give him a ground level room

• Discussions of disability and ableism are of course had when they start having their philosophical talks, and Armand probably wouldn’t mention it but he’d definitely be thinking of the children of darkness’ rule to not turn anyone deemed imperfect

• As they continue to get closer Daniel will do wheelies to impress Armand and will sometimes let him ride on his lap when he’s not having a bad pain day

• Daniel takes full advantage of the swoon and will beg Armand to bite him when he’s having a bad pain day and wants the blood even more than in canon because of how much it helps

• Daniel is convinced to get a standard wheelchair for when he’s especially tired and Armand takes great joy in pushing him around

• When night island is built it is one hundred percent accessible and as a result a lot of disabled people flock to it

[ro-botany]

Honestly I don't put much into Heroes exclusive dialogue, I mean remember them saying the Hero King(Marth) had a Brand of the Exalt or Medeus went crazy in a peaceful world?

I get the inclination to think that way. Character dialogue from any source other than their original text or a direct sequel/prequel always feels a bit dubious, I think, for a lot of reasons. And Heroes as a writing context has a lot of things that make the writers' jobs even harder; among them the fact that we're divorcing the characters from their original story context, we have no space to create anything like a character arc for summoned heroes, and we have a very limited number of dialogue lines in which to communicate summoned heroes' existing personalities and provide insights on who they are.

But I think that to dismiss all Heroes content outright is to dismiss a lot of genuinely good stuff!

The Heroes writers and designers definitely fumble some things. I can't speak to inaccuracies in Marth and the gang, never played those games, but there's definitely some moments where they've tripped over their own feet with regards to characters I'm familiar with. (I'm looking at you, Fell Exalt Chrom's Forging Bonds: Depths of Despair support convos and the murkiness of which timeline you belong to.)

But I think that inaccuracies like that are a natural, if unfortunate, result of working within the limitations of a crossover gacha game as well as trying to track and write about the sheer ridiculous number of characters and mainline games in the franchise. They're going to miss details or have a different angle on something than the writers of a character's original game sometimes, it's inescapable.

The result is that most Heroes content concerning characters other than Heroes-originals is in an interesting sort of semi-canon place to me. The dialogue for, say, any particular Chrom unit in Heroes, is no more or less canon to Awakening's original plot and story events than any piece of dialogue Chrom has in Warriors or Engage. But just like his dialogue in Warriors or Engage, I think it can be interesting to analyze and can provide fun insight to his character.

The fans, the Heroes devs, and the mainline FE games are in a constant dialogue with each other, deciding who these anime people are and putting them in fun situations to see what they'd do, and I like to analyze and play with what they give me. :]

And also, to keep it real with you: I'm primarily an Awakening fan, and Heroes is pretty much the only reliable source of new official content for the characters from this 12 year old game. I take what crumbs we get and I stretch em like I'm trying to feed a family of four during the Great Depression. :P

[codes]

Hi Matthew!! I hope you had a good day, if not, I wish you have a good week!! 🌿

Random and cliche question (only if you don't mind answering!). As someone who achieved great results in academics and finished uni, do you have any advice or messages you can give to someone who started uni this year? (and, ngl, is failing a bit)?

I hope the question doesn't bother you, you don't have to answer it!

Closing sentence: May all the Senas and Leos there is comes home to you early 🙏

hi anon, I hope you manage to see this! I’ll put it under the cut

I think you’re giving me far too much credit on academics! I mostly just quietly did my work then fucked off every weekend but I rlly wanted to start this off by saying that it’s okay to fail. It’s stressful for sure, it can really lower your morale, but a fail doesn’t and will never define you. It’s not the end of the world, you won’t suddenly collapse and die (even if it feels like it in the moment), and you can always try again. I actually had some professors say that they failed some classes when they started, my own therapist said that she failed a damn intro to psychology class too. It happens to people you admire, it doesn’t mean that they stopped trying tho or that it defined the rest of their career or life after college.

Your life doesn’t begin and end with college either, it sure as hell seems like it but I remember seeing a talk by rlly successful women who were asked if their grades mattered outside of college and all of them said no. you should always try to do your best! But it’s also okay to acknowledge that trying to seek perfection will do more harm than good.

Aiming for improvement is always the best thing to do in anything tho and you already made the hardest step by reaching out, even if it was through an anon ask. The first thing I’d probably do is see if your professors or TAs have office hours so they can go over your work with you if you’re having problems with a concept, walk-ins are usually fine but sometimes professors are busy so see if you can arrange an appointment if that happens.

if you have a question during class, ASK IT. Don’t be nervous, don’t let yourself be scared of something that will last a minute. Professors have seen and taught a lot more classes and answered countless questions, they’re there to help you and there’s absolutely no harm in asking what you may think is obvious. It also helps them remember you and it’s rlly nice to have that connection.

And please be social. Please look to your left and right, see who’s sitting there, and ask them what they thought of the homework. Forming a study group is hard if you don’t know anyone but finding a friend in a classroom is soooooo beneficial, being able to ask someone for help on something you’re not sure on saved my life more than once. Most people are a lil shy or quiet but I found it easier to start a convo after saying hello or asking a question about the class.

I always felt that the first tests of the semester are always the hardest bc you never know information that the professor is looking for but once you get a handle of what they want, it becomes much easier because then you know how and what material to study. I never really had a study method so I can’t give tips on that, but don’t color code your notes too much if it’ll distract you from what’s actually being written. No one listens to this advice but also try not to cram a day before an exam, starting your study guide even just 3 days beforehand will save your life when you’re stressed out and trying not to panic.

Some anxiety is good! It motivates us to start studying and get a good grade, but even if it’s easier to say than to put into practice, try not to let it consume you.

Also join a club and unwind a bit, you can meet new people. I found that my internship was a good way to take my mind off classes too, please look for some during holidays breaks! They’re very helpful and look good on resumes but it’s mostly a thing for the future. let yourself be more confident in your classes before worrying about that.

Good luck, anon! I hope what I have to say is beneficial, if you have any specific questions please let me know but there’s lots of resources available for you! Tutoring, office hours, other students, etc.

You never have to rely on just yourself, remember making mistakes is a part of learning. Please take it easy and let me know how it goes!

They wish the best for you too:

[relax-and-read-on]

What were Magnus’s favorite and least favorite languages of his brothers to learn? I imagine Nostraman (known to have extra features like hissing and clicking and being generally difficult) and something like Inwit’s are ones hes opinionated on

Oh FUCK YES that's a good one!!!

Magnus, and the languages of his brothers (that he learned, out of love)

Lion: I imagine that Caliban speak some weird deviation of french. Something that take so many words to say such a simple thing, very formal. Lion is supremely unhelpful with it.

Jaghatai: was very happy that Magnus was interested, and personally taught him how to speak and write in his language. Sadly, Magnus cannot get the hang of the throat signing, to his great sadness.

Ferrus: Very harsh declination language, think german but worst. It's not TOO hard to learn, but they have some oddly specific vocabulary that took a while for Magnus to get his hands on (he did not KNOW that forging was literally different verbs depending on the metal you use)

Leman: had no problem with Magnus learning Fenrisian... But he was very insistant that he leave the runes alones, because they were sacred. When he still did, they got into a HUGE fight.

Corvus: very fast and softly spoken language, with a lot of double meaning and tongue twister. The witting sometime change directions of reading, because of course it does. Corvus was very surprised and flattered that someone took the time to learn her language.

Horus: MF does not have a home language. He does teach a ton of incredibly creative and explicit swear to Magnus tho.

Sanguinius: Baal had many, many languages on the planet, and even Sanguinius did not know them all. As a result, both Magnus and him actually took the time to record and save a ton of those old, rare languages.

Konrad: Nostramo is russian based, with a tons of funky added bits like click and hiss. Not only that, but the language itself is INCREDIBLY complex, very flowy, and the writing is downright insane (cyrilic cursive. Google it.). Magnus loved every second of it. Learning it provide him with some of the RARE moment where he can actually be in the same room as Konrad and have a normal convo, because our catboi is sooo much more at ease in his how language. Still never get the hang on cursing.

Angron: the slaves of his planet had a rather secretive language that Angron might be only person left alive to remember. When pestered about it by Magnus, he got punched in the face and told that he had not earned the right to learn it. Lorgar, however, has, and is not spilling the secret, much to Magnus' frustration.

Lorgar: his other language nerd buddyyy! They share a lot of knowledge. And he was delighted to show off to Magnus how to write in his sacred script, and the history of colchian language, etc etc. They probably even have evening where the have tea and force themself to speak only in one rather obscur language.

Mortarion: a rather fascinating language that actually involve a lot of signing/hand signals and whole body use. Magnus find it delightful, and Mortarion does not like the attention and only reluctantly share his tongue.

Roboute: Ultramar had a variation of low gothic. Magnus straight up told Roboute that his language wqs "pretty boring", wich legit made him sad :(

Rogal: Inwit clans almost all had a unique secret runes systhem. Rogal insist on only giving Magnus of alphabet at the time, wich is driving the red head INSANE. This is Rogal's version of a pratical joke.

Vulkan: Nocturnian is a fast talking language, and I like to HC that there is whistling involved in it. Magnus keep fucking it early on, and it become kind of a meme with the Salamanders.

Alpharius Omegon: They don't have native language, but Magnus keep breaking their secret codes and it drives them UP THE WALLS.

Fulgrim: Chemos language is descendant from Cantonese. And its a NIGHTMARE. There are multiple alphabet. A word fan be written in approximately 16 ways. The intonations are crazy important. Magnus does try his best, best Fulgrim keep saying that he "does not get it."

Perturabo: Magnus learning Olympian was such sweet, touching gesture for Pert. He then decided to learn Prosperan as a Thank You, and now they two really like sending each other letters in their native tongue, wich may or may not be way to flirt.

[vickyvicarious]

I really like your meta on Hardison in the Gold Job (and throughout the show) and the convo you had with the other user who’s username I forgot!

I kinda disagree that it’s related to race though? (The in universe stuff I mean) All the characterizations/issues with the team being annoyed with Geek Spirals, his perfectionism, him overcompensating/overselling and such always struck me as a Gifted Kid and ADHD(/related conditions) thing.

Although I do think the lack of Hardison centric episodes is related to him being the only black main character. Probably not even intentionally but as a product of subtle biases that make it harder for the writers to make stories for them. (This is poorly phrased but I can’t figure out how to fix it. I don’t mean to make it seem that that’s reasonable, just that that’s how I think the disparity came about. For example, I used to think that we had fewer Hardison centric episodes because he doesn’t really have a tragic backstory. But you and other users have given great examples of ways to center on him without needing Dark Drama. Which makes me think the writers may have had similar mental roadblocks).

(Referencing this conversation with @jesterthepink. Who should feel free to chime in as you like with your thoughts, please!)

So... hm. So where I come at this is that, yes, I do see the stuff about this frustration being related to ADHD and being a gifted kid and all that jazz, in-universe. I certainly don't think Nate is sitting around thinking "Hardison's black therefore I'm gonna be meaner to him" or anything like that! However, I don't think that even in-universe you can 100% separate it from him being black. That's a part of who he is, it's a part of the world they all live in. I don't think they are being intentionally racist towards him ever, but I think that maybe the other members of the team have some slight unconscious biases. I think pretty much all white people in America do, to be honest. There's always going to be a point where you realize that thing you did or said or thought years ago (or more recently) was a product of you not recognizing your own privilege, or maybe was informed by stereotypes. It doesn't mean you have any conscious desire to be racist, but in a society that heavily prioritizes a certain group of people, as a member of that group those situations will pretty much inevitably happen. That's why it's important to always listen to POC and to be willing to admit you've done wrong and work towards doing better. Doesn't mean you're evil, but that you live in a society that has influenced you as you grow up (which is true of everyone in one way or another).

So like... Nate may think that he's reacting more harshly to Hardison only because his overeager attitude and infodumping and etc. etc. neurodivergent behaviors are personally annoying to Nate. (Which on its own isn't great of him, actually, if that's the way he handles it.) But there's probably a slight element that maybe he wouldn't have been as annoyed by a white person doing those things. I just. I don't know if I'm explaining this clearly, but it feels wrong to me to completely erase Hardison's blackness as being an in-universe explanation. Feels a little icky somehow, like saying 'they don't see color!' or whatever, you know?

And like... sometimes they are clearly aware of differences in how they will be treated. Nate sends Hardison in to be the thug robbing the store in I think the 15 Minutes Job. Even though based on character and background, Eliot would do a much better job playing a thug. Because they know that the stereotype of a black man holding up a store is something they can use to make the white guy stopping Hardison seem even more of a 'hero' in the media (whether people consciously notice that or not). However, none of the other team members immediately key in to Hardison's panic at being a black man caught breaking into a secure military base in um... I don't remember what episode, but I think it was S1/S2. So they're aware of prejudices and even utilize them sometimes, but at other times certainly don't have that kind of awareness of how Hardison's race affects the way he will be treated. Or at least of how serious it can be.

So basically - I don't think it's ALL about race when they treat him that way, in-universe. But I don't think it's entirely NOT, either. It's not exactly a comfortable thing to think, that these beloved characters have those flaws, but I think unless your setting is one where racism just doesn't exist then it's more realistic characterization to address that this happens.

And it's similar to the writers, I think. The writers I'm sure were not intending to be racist. They might not have noticed what they were doing at all, probably had some mental blocks there like you said. However, the fact that he is the only black main character and the only one who has these sorts of issues in his writing certainly doesn't seem unrelated. Subtle biases probably played a huge role... and again, a lot of this stuff is in small bits that kind of just add up when you look at the series as a whole. If you're a writer working on just one episode at a time, and you aren't black yourself or actively thinking about how to counteract your inherent privilege, then you may not notice what you're doing at all. But it's still there in the end result.

[djemsostylist]

Thoughts on Episode 26 of SCK

In short--I loved it. 

There is a lot I could say about it, and I’m sure most of it has already been said by people far more eloquent than I.  But I haven’t written down my thoughts about an episode in while and if ever there was an episode to talk about, well, this one was certainly it.  

There was a post I saw going around a few weeks ago about how sometimes enjoying a piece of media means viewing it with a measure of grace.  As a critical person by nature, I thought a lot about what that means, and I’ve decided that it means that sometimes, a piece of media may not be perfect, but if the soul is there, that is the only thing that matters. 

So, I think one of the major issues I’ve seen talked about with 26 is that it felt too good.  And to some degree, that makes sense.  Let’s be honest, 22-25 were not very good.  They had great singular moments, but taken as a whole, they were a bit of a mess.  20-21 gave us beautiful set up and direction and forward movement with not only Serkan and Eda as a couple, but as individuals, and that’s even with the contract mess.  But then 22 and 23 came along and we have Eda acting like a brat, intimate scenes that were cute and hot but ultimately a let down since the end result was always an “I love you” from Serkan followed by an -_- face from Eda, and basically no real forward movement with their relationship or character at all.  Add the introduction of one of the worst characters in television, and you kind of had a mess.  And while 24 was better, it still felt weird.  Serkan is acting distant, Eda is acting married, and again, no going anywhere until the last 5 minutes of the episode.  Plus the long awaited BA shows up and it turns out she’s a Disney villain with even thinner motives.  Then there was 25, which I think left most of the fandom feeling empty.  Serkan and Eda are at their very lowest possible point, and all their friends and family don’t seem to care and the amount of Edser scenes was too low to give us enough to not want to rage at the final scene. Plus, dubbed Prince showed up attempting to recreate a plot from Vampire Diaries and welp.  

So in 26, we start with what should be a devastated Eda and Serkan who have no path back to each other.  We were fully expecting another few weeks of breakup and Eda having to chase Serkan and more moping and more sadness and we didn’t get that.  Instead, we start with an Eda who is ready to do whatever it takes to spend as little time away from Serkan as possible and a Serkan who isn’t going to let go.  His plan is brilliant, and it works.  He knows something fishy is going on--despite her words the night before, which certainly hurt, she was also literally in tears and had been for the whole day.  And he knows she loves him.  In a way, his actions at the start of 26 are another brilliant parallel to the beginning of 19--Serkan breaks and decides to tell Eda everything the moment it becomes clear that she might actually move on with her life and he will lose her forever.  Eda breaks at the beginning of 26 when it’s clear Serkan is going to be a cool cucumber about everything and stop chasing her.  (I’m saying they could have probably solved all their issues in 15 if Eda had asked Efe on a date-Serkan would have been on his knees confessing and proposing in 10 min. flat, but I digress.)

No, they don’t have a ton of conversation in this.  There aren’t heartfelt, long dialogs about the wrongs they’ve done and the things they feel.  Frankly, they aren’t necessary.  Serkan has, at this point, said all he needs to say and he couldn’t be clearer.  And while we still haven’t heard Eda say “I love you”, her actions this episode show it, and he knows it, and well, if that end scene isn’t the biggest “I love you” idk what is.   

I was talking with @lolo-deli about the episode and she made an excellent point.  I’ll quote here “Their conversation in hall was short in dialogue but heavy in meaning and implication. In very few words they established: last night was real (and implied to be meaningful), she needs time to work out some complications (he understands what this means, she loves him and the break up was what was not real) and he will both trust her and wait for her without pressuring her AND he's still worried about her (in this case over Seyman which turns out to be a non-factor ama neyse!). That's a lot of important conversation wrapped up in a a 90 sec convo but it fits them because they understand one another very well.”

This is true of their conversation in the conference room after.  They almost go back down the jealousy fight spiral we’ve seen 100 times, but instead, Eda stops herself, Serkan stops himself, and instead of fighting, they talk and both agree they were wrong and acting silly and reaffirm their love and trust for each other.  In fact, both of them verbalize to their friends that they are 100% sure of the other and their feelings--they aren’t threatened by the Prince and B because of their fear of losing the other, but because both of those characters are creepy and dangerous and unhinged.  

I was okay with this episode because we spent 21 episodes watching them grow apart and together--sure the previous episodes were rough, but it was a transitional period.  I’m giving grace--and to quote lolo-deli again  “They trust each other, it's really that simple. We didn't need to have a half hour of conversation to establish that. Just like we don't need to see Eda chasing Serkan for two more episodes to prove she loves him because she does. Also simple. We know and he knows it. He deserved affirmation and he got it, she bloody well proposed marriage.”

And this is how I feel.  26 wasn’t perfect--I still didn’t care for the AAA plot, Thor and Barf need to be gone fast, and BA is kind of a one dimensional villain I want to like more than I do.  Engin and the rest of the friends were better this episode--Serkan and Engin talked for the first time in what feels like forever, Melo and Ceren were excellent support for Eda, and Serkan and Ferit are still on track to becoming the besties I want them to be.  I’m not 100% sure what Eda’s plan is to get around BA, although maybe she decided to take Serkan’s advice from 13 and just let it all burn down around them and they will be stronger together for it.  Honestly, Serkan was back and on fire this episode (and hotter than ever as a result) so maybe she knows that together, it doesn’t matter what BA is gonna do. 

We don’t know what is coming in the next few weeks, or what is left in front of us.  We’ve had a string of disappointing episodes.  But Serkan and Eda have been apart for 11 episodes and they are finally back together and on the same page at the same time for the first time ever in their relationship.  

In closing, I’ll leave you with this.  Regardless of how you feel about 26, Eda Yılız, chronic “leaper before looker” took the time to steal back Serkan’s ring, get together that look, find the world’s most extra ring box, sneak onto Serkan’s private plane, and then recreate their first real moment together (which we were oh so recently reminded of) in order to ask the love of her life to marry her.  And that is beautiful, no matter how many subplots get lost or editing goes bad.  Eda Yıldız asked Serkan Bolat to marry her with a ring with her name inside it on a plane where they first went from “nothing to something”.  Poetry and  parallels and I loved it.  

[absurdthirst]

Hey! I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but join in the whole sex talk that’s going on and I kinda wanted to get this off my chest 😂 So my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a little over 2 years now, and he’s great but when it comes to sex he doesn’t really satisfy me. In the 2 years I’ve been with him he has only made me orgasm once and that was with his fingers while I was also watching porn. I don’t mind that it was like that, my body isn’t built for me to be able to orgasm through penetration alone. The problem is that when we have sex he takes very little time during foreplay (sometimes not at all) and once he’s finished he literally just rolls away and goes outside for a cigarette. I’ve tried explaining to him nicely, that he should spend some time more on me before we have sex because penetration alone doesn’t do it for me, but he’s told me “if you don’t cum from my dick it doesn’t count” so I guess since he knows his penis won’t make me orgasm he’s given up altogether? 😂 one time he blamed me for not spending enough time on “prepping” him if you know what I mean and I tried to explain to him that since he doesn’t spend almost any time on me I’ve lost interest in doing the same back. Needless to say this conversation resulted in a argument and I quite rudely told him “at least you get to finish” which okay was very mean of me to say, but I was mad and fed up with him. Anyway, because of quarantine I haven’t seen him in six months, and in those months I’ve lost all the remaining interest I had in him sexually. When he tries to start a sexual convo I don’t engage at all and he’s kinda caught up on it, but he kinda blames me for that too. Idk what to do, I tried being nice to him, I tried explaining to him more bluntly but he hasn’t changed at all. One time after we were done, when he was getting ready to go out for a smoke, I reached for a vibe to keep going by myself and he got offended, resulting in him not talking to me for the rest of the night. Idk what my point is I just wanted to get all this off my chest I guess, sorry for rambling, sorry for being a little tmi, I just feel safe to talk about this with you, everyone I’ve told so far they were all like “eh don’t blame him,” which I would agree if I hadn’t communicated with him that he doesn’t really satisfy me sexually. Thanks a lot 🥺❤️

At the same time, it is also your partner’s responsibility to make sure that you are satisfied. To ask. Come on, they can tell. They aren’t that clueless.

Yes, you do need to talk to him, but know what happens if my husband finishes before me? He asks how I want to finish.

The fact that your partner just rolls over and smokes a cigarette doesn’t speak well of him.

I’m sorry you are dealing with this and I’m sorry it took me so long to reply.

[daantaat]

twu s2 thoughts even though nobody asked <3 just a brain dump and it’s quite long so I tried to separate my commentary by categories but it’s still a mess unfortunately. Spoilers under the cut!

General

Overall, I enjoyed season 1 more than season 2. I’ve watched season 2 three times now, and I do think it had some good parts that I definitely overlooked during my first watch (probably because I was preoccupied with Charlotte x Shona 😶😅). My initial reaction to this season was like ‘hmm so that happened and I’m not sure what to think’ but then I rewatched it and tbh I think my complaints are mostly to do with the time jump between seasons and the pacing...

Like yeah there’s only so much to touch on in six 25-minute episodes but!!! I finished the season wanting a bit more, because I thought that some of the things that were introduced were either not explained fully/well or they just dropped off completely and didn’t really have an effect other than me asking questions after the season was over, like it felt as though there were missing scenes— more on that later (though maybe they will be addressed in season 3??? If there is one? How soon do shows get renewed? Idk). Though I guess the audience does have to do some interpretation of their own but still... Idk! Idk. And the assumption that certain events/plot points mentioned in a character’s dialogue would be enough for context had me kinda “:///” y’know? Like don’t tell me, show me?? I’d like the full course please!!

Charlotte x Shona (+ Vish I guess)

I think it was really jarring to see their relationship grow from colleague/business partners to friends and then finally to something more in season 1 only to see them awkwardly handle their unresolved feelings in the workplace with nothing to show for their actual relationship besides a mention of “a week-long gay safari” + the brief flashes of a sex scene that was intermingled with Shona and Vish’s cyber sex session, which in itself is 😐😐😐 like yes it shows that Shona still thinks about/fancies Charlotte in some capacity, but if I were to choose between that sex fantasy/flashback or a flashback of Charlotte and Shona together (like Charlotte telling Shona she was falling for her!!!!)... I think I’d choose the latter? I was just disappointed that we didn’t really get to see Charlotte and Shona being all cute and romantic with each other this season :(

ALSO I wished we got to see more of jealous!Shona; I was super hyped to see that since that scene was included in the trailer. It was nice to see her want the best for Charlotte because she’s “great” but the jealousy part of knowing Charlotte is dating someone great got settled pretty quickly and instead we got Shona evaluating her commitment to Vish and considering the idea of having kids after learning she has a womb of a 39-year-old (😐) and it felt.... like a lot!! It was definitely different from season 1 Shona (”I actually don’t want kids” “I genuinely, I genuinely don’t, you know, it’s not a big deal. Just never have” in 1x04) but if this was to show her dealing with comphet or internalized homophobia or just simply running away from her feelings then... idk what to think of it! I really don’t. I think this is where things could have been written differently because using an affair with Charlotte like that (an affair that we didn’t even get to see besides the stolen kisses at the finance event) was so... ugh, I’m suffering here

Anyway, I think their office scenes were definitely highlights of the season, like Indira and Sharon really gave those scenes their all!! Even though it hurts to see Charlotte so heartbroken and Shona running away from her feelings and hurting Charlotte in the process, I live for the angst lol. I will say though, the 180 that happened after their convo outside Charlotte’s office was a bit “🤔” considering Charlotte had talked to her therapist about Shona for 4 months. Like one hungover feeling dump from Shona and they can move on? Hmm communication is connection, huh. And I guess they were just excited that the article got good results? But how cute that they got each other gifts of their picture in the article??? Wtffff I love my “unfunny and obvious” gal pals even though I’m in pain

As for the voice note... omg, so many questions. Like did Charlotte try to reach out to Shona after she abruptly ended their call to check if she sent the voice note to Vish?? Was that gonna be the first time Charlotte heard Shona say “I love you” to her? What was the reason Shona said “I love you” anyway??? Is she, you know 👀 Also do y’all think Vish will listen to the entire voice note since it was clear it was meant for Charlotte? And who knows maybe Vish’s phone died and he can’t turn it back on or check his WhatsApp or whatever. I’m in denial lmao. But also I think he's a pretty good guy, like when he sent biscuits over to the house when Shona wanted some and him saying what’s the point of having fun in New York when she's not there with him... :/ but he was also a bit weird about her putting a nail in a wall or leaving out the egg duck or whatever as a display item in their house though I suppose that’s not a huge problem so like idk man idk!!! I'm just saying season 3 better not have a time jump I need to see what happens and not just in exposition

Shona and Aine

Love them :) I wish they had more scenes together (if that's possible??) but I liked the somewhat change in dynamic seeing Aine a bit worried about Shona (asking her if she’s okay when she mentions she’s thinking of getting a fringe lmao and again asking if she’s okay when they’re unpacking in Vish’s house). And of course Shona is still very protective and worrisome but seeing Aine just miserably lounging around her apartment over the weekend and getting in her bike accident after Shona wasn’t too supportive of her and James’s business idea made me so sad :( like Shona was so shitty about her not typing up everything in the notes for the meeting! And not even reading James's CV... big yikes. Anyway I thought it was odd that we didn’t get a follow up on the voice note Aine left Shona after getting into the bike accident... like she sounded soooo shaky and out of it :((( what luck Shona was sick and didn’t see Aine with a missing tooth before she got it fixed

Anyhow, Aine was right when she said Shona needs to talk to her and talk about her feelings more!! AND this is part of where my complaint about the pacing and the missing scenes comes into play! I think we should have seen Aine and Shona fighting about Shona’s affair and leaving Vish the voice note. The audience knows Aine cares about Vish and I’m not entirely sure where her relationship with Charlotte stands since Charlotte told Freddie about her being in rehab (on the assumption that he knew, as Aine’s ex-boyfriend) but!!! Just cutting to them on the floor waiting for Vish’s flight to land was not as hard hitting as it could have been

Aine x Bradley (+ Richard)

OKAYYY. Cute!!! I definitely overlooked the signs during my first watch here but yeah they were definitely there during my rewatch(es)!! I quite liked seeing Bradley try to get Aine to stop talking negatively about herself and just try to treat herself better in general like exercising and actually eating off of a plate :’) and the comparisons between Bradley and Richard have me like 👀📝 Bradley saying he likes how much Aine talks vs. Richard’s friend Mark saying she talks a lot and how he wasn’t expecting a whole show to which Richard replies he thought that at first too but she “calms down” like brooo... alright. Anyway Bradley going with her to Tom’s funeral/service made sense since he actually met Tom (though Aine did vaguely talk about him and his drinking problem to Richard in 1x05) and the fact that she told Bradley about PACT and her time there but she didn’t tell Richard (to be fair she was thinking about telling him) hmm 👀 Also Bradley saying “Sometimes it would just be nice to be with someone you could just relax with as yourself” yeah I’m on board with them

Loneliness, COVID, Communication is Connection

Initially I thought these themes could have come across a little stronger but after rewatching... hmm. Yes, Shona was lonely in the house by herself; she even asked Anil to stay for dinner, had her own “pile of shit” boyfriend on her bed (which she did clear off), and told Vish that nobody had time for her. Also after the business meeting she asked Aine what she was doing during the weekend (which Aine also spent alone anyway), but I dunno... oh yeah her hen/bachelorette party was a bit lonely since places were starting to go into lockdown and not everybody could attend, but I think the COVID element entered a bit too late into this season? I’m not sure it really added much in terms of the loneliness. Maybe it did add to the uncertainty of things though

“Communication is Connection” was there but I thought it kind of fell flat as well, but maybe that was the intention— to highlight the mess that a lack of communication can cause? Shona apparently writing off Charlotte’s feelings and them not necessarily talking about their relationship/feelings until their convo outside Charlotte’s office... Shona talking to Seema saying she’s never really asked what Vish wanted (regarding kids) and Seema saying that’s a convo for her and Vish to have... Aine not telling Richard she overheard him and Mark talking about her... Richard not consulting Aine about telling Etienne about them and just getting a new tutor for him... hmm. What does it mean. What does it all mean

Other stuff I’m still thinking about/have questions about

Shona mentioning it’s “annoying” how Aine talks like she’s the only person to ever get sad in episode 1 but still telling Aine she’s fine and then in episode 6 Shona saying she only has two emotions or whatever so she doesn’t need to talk to Aine about her feelings as much -____- istg we need to get Shona to talk to a therapist in season 3!!!

I also liked that Shona, Aine, and Eileen talked more. I’m still a little disappointed that the fact Eileen leaving Shona for three months when she was a baby was not mentioned at all. Yeah it was a secret but when Eileen said “well, you should never lie. You’ll always get caught out.” I— HELLO? If anything, that secret seeing daylight could have had something to do with Shona's sadness + loneliness this season. Also could you imagine that becoming a fear of Shona’s, like what if she doesn’t want kids because she’s afraid of doing the same thing to hers if she has any??

Jim asking Charlotte if she’s straight and Shona immediately going “what does that have to do with anything” or something like that and apologizing to Charlotte after Jim left— I’m not sure how I should have read that??? Did Shona mention to Jim that Charlotte is a lesbian?? When he started to ask, he was still looking at Shona (yeah I’m reading too much into this I know)

Marcia figuring out that Aine and Richard were seeing each other (after he touched her hand on his way out to get a taxi)— what was the purpose? Other than Marcia obviously feeling bad for Etienne, whom I assume she sees as a son of her own (based on the Mom Instinct™ snooping when she was doing housekeeping + her convo with Aine when he came back from France). She didn’t talk to either Aine or Richard about it, just told Aine to have a good time when they were leaving the house to go to their “separate” events. I guess it wasn't her place to say anything, but hm. Speaking of Etienne, it was obvious he had a schoolboy crush on Aine (or at least he was vying for her attention) in season 1 and it’s really too bad we didn’t get to see his reaction to suddenly getting a new tutor or dealing with Aine and Richard’s relationship other than him looking at them hugging while the new tutor was teaching him. He deserved some more screen time this season :(

Hmm so that was all very incoherent but if you made it this far thank youuu <3 here are some last silly comments:

Absolutely loved Julie!! I want to know what she knows about Charlotte and Shona 👀 girl give me the scoop on the last 4 months at the office

Super sad we didn’t get to see Charlotte’s cat (I’m always gonna be vocal about this 🗣🗣🗣) or know who her new girlfriend was but at the very least we were introduced to one of the most important side characters of all: Charlotte’s stompy boots <33333 she really wore those around the office with a blazer/blouse/leather skirt! We love that lesbian attire

[spookybreadstick]

Body Types of the Pastas

I will not be including Sally on this list, she is a child!! She has the body of a child, and that’s all you need to know. I will also not be including Slender on this list because we all know what kind of body he has (he’s a skinny legend!!)  it’s literally a part of his name. Also, I might add, these are my versions of the characters and their body types do not reflect on the body types of any actors who may have portrayed them. These are just how I imagine them. 

TW TW TW: Body Image Issues

Please do not read if you are struggling and believe you will be triggered by mentions of weight and different body types. This is largely positive (in my opinion), but I don’t want to trigger anybody, since there is mentions of negative relationships with food and poor body image. This is not meant to be “body-checking” or harmful for readers. It’s just a little post (I think it may even help some to be kinder with their own bodies and self-image), but just read at your own discretion, I suppose. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: We do not body shame on this blog!! This is written entirely with love and appreciation for all bodies! 

Also, mild NSFW warning I guess? (Nothing major, just a little, if you can call it that). For future reference, this: 💛 is the emoji that marks anything a lil spicy, but not what I would call true NSFW. 

💛🤎💛🤎💛🤎

Skinny Legends (I couldn’t think of an appropriate adjective to go with it lmao)

LJ 

Bloody Painter

Perfectly Petite

BEN 

Lusciously Lean

Toby 

Liu

Majestically Mid-Sized 

Nina 

Puppeteer

Jane  

Marvelously Muscular 

Clockwork 

Jeff 

Beautifully Buff

Hoodie 

EJ 

Pleasantly Plus-Sized

Masky

~

🍬 LJ is just built like that. He’s long, lanky, and skinny. No matter how many sweets he eats, his stomach remains flat. Don’t make fun of him for it (since he was sort of modeled after a doll in Isaac’s mind, LJ sometimes thinks that he’s missing some stuffing and there is something wrong with him because of that).

🎨 Helen is naturally thin, but there’s also other factors to blame. When he was growing up, his parents pushed on him the idea that being ‘skinny’ was everything for a girl (remember, they raised him as a girl until he was a young teen). They also would withhold food as a punishment for any ‘misbehaving’ that they saw. Nowadays, Helen doesn’t have much of an appetite, probably as a result of not eating enough in childhood. Helen will also forget to eat since he is so wrapped up in his art. He doesn’t mind being called skinny, that’s his body type after all, but please don’t point out his eating habits. He’ll get annoyed very easily. A much better way to go about it would be, if you see he’s too busy to eat, fix him a sandwich or something and bring it to him. You have to phrase it carefully, like, “I was hungry and made some sandwiches, so here’s one for you, too. Fuel for the artist, right?” And he’ll be more likely to accept and eat it. 

~ 

🎮 BEN is, as much as he denies it, petite. He’s short and he has a small frame. There’s a little bit of squish to his tummy (it’s absolutely adorable 🥰) but he hides it (it wasn’t there originally, and it’s an accumulation of him eating all sorts of junk food in his afterlife. It doesn’t really affect him usually, but after he’s been doing it for years...) Please don’t point it out, he tries to forget that it exists and it bothers him. 

~ 

🪓 Toby is lean cuisine. He’s kind of short for a guy, and that adds to his leanness. He has trouble remembering to eat and has trouble taking proper care of his body, so he is malnourished. He gets insecure about his body, so don’t say anything about it. Toby would love it if somebody cared enough to make sure that he’s eating regularly and getting proper nutrition. He is just a boy in need of some nourishing food and good lovin’! 🥰

🧣 Liu is also lean. Whenever he’s nervous or stressed, he forgets to eat. Whenever he wants to “punish” himself for whatever reason, he withholds food. He’s been doing better with this, but it was a habit he’s had since he was young, so that contributed to his smaller build. He doesn’t mind at all if you say he’s lean (he’d actually take it as quite the compliment). What he needs though, is somebody who cares enough to help him break the negative habits. 

~ 

💄 Nina’s body type is hard to place, since she’s on the slim side but also not quite lean? She’s honestly really in between the lean and mid-size categories. Nina’s had some body image issues in the past, but she tries hard to keep it wholesome and positive with her self image though. She’s really got a great figure though! She’s got a small waist, probably about B-cup breasts, nice hips, and a nearly flat stomach (but not quite! She has that lil pooch thing that’s supposed to be where your uterus is?) Nina’s so pretty, honestly 😍

🧵 Puppeteer’s body type is the epitome of “average.” It’s smack dab in the middle of body types. There’s nothing particular special about it, and he’s on the slimmer side but not skinny skinny. He’s got depth and he’s also the taller side. 

🖤 Jane’s got an amazing figure! She goes through periods of time where she’s a bit insecure but she’s got no reason to be! She looks great! She’s curvy (doesn’t have a flat tummy!) and it looks amazing on her. She’s got a killer ass (we love a thicc queen) and her breasts are def C cup (maybe even D cup). Jane’s got those curves in all the right places, and she looks like a goth Aphrodite when she’s in her element 🤩

~ 

⏰ Clockwork is a baddie! She has a toned stomach and not much of a chest, to be honest. She is quite muscular-looking for a girl, and she’s proud of that. And, it looks great on her! 

🔪 Jeff is pretty muscular. He’s got that height going for him, and he enjoys a good workout so there’s some good muscles as well. He has a toned stomach and a bit of visible biceps when he flexes. This body type is something he had to work for though, his natural body type is a slim mid-size. 

~ 

❓Hoodie is a buff king! He’s tall as well, with a toned stomach and abs. His natural body type is actually just slightly muscular, but he built himself up to be B U F F. 

🤍 EJ is a big, buff boi. Before the transformation, he was actually lean. But now? He’s part demon, of course he’s going to be large and strong. He has abs now, and visible muscles hiding underneath his clothes. He has a habit of shrinking into himself though. He’s never liked his body much, and he’s insecure in his new form. Help him see that he is handsome and great just the way he is!

~ 

🎭 Masky is, admittedly, a bit chunky. He’s hella strong though, and could def beat your ass easily in any kind of competition. He gets very defensive if anyone brings it up in a negative light, or when there’s lots of people around, due to the fact that he was very insecure as a teen. If it’s brought up when it’s a one-on-one convo or if it’s gently mentioned, he’ll probably say “yeah, I’ve got kind of a dad bod thing going on, I guess,” and try to quickly change the subject. Poor boy eats when he’s stressed and then is guilty about it afterwards. He needs somebody to tell him that his body is beautiful, and then help him take care of it. He could use some love, and some reassurance of his beauty (chubby boys are so cute and wonderful and just 🥵). Please be gentle with his heart and help him raise his self-esteem <3 

~ 

I thought of the song S.L.U.T. by Bea Miller when I wrote this. You should listen to it, it’s good for self-esteem!! :) 

[angeltrapz]

SAW ASK!!!!!! 💞 n ee wayz as far as Eric/Adam goes i wld love to hear yr thoughts on how their relationship looks @ th very beginning when Eric still v v fresh in his recovery (obvs we’ve talked a lil abt this both but expandin on stuff), n also u mentioned Eric knowing how to bake (at least some things) n id LOVE to hear more abt that!! also for a general SAW polycule question, just bc it’s a dynamic i don’t think either of us have rlly touched on, thoughts on William + Mallick?

SAW ASK!!! (tysm!! <3)

okay so Eric/Adam:

I rly like th idea u had where they meet at one of Bobby’s groups (also throwing in tht I think abt Group Therapy All The Time) bc like. neither of them want to be there, neither of them rly have much in common w any other survivors, n neither of them can stand Bobby Dagen. so tht’s still like, th foundation fr how these 2 meet to me lol. the idea of them listening 2 him talk while rolling their eyes at each other n fake gagging is So Good.

I feel like Adam is just... rly open? w Eric? bc god does he understand how fucking hard it is 2 be around ppl after smth like that - maybe not to the same extent (though they DO have tht solidarity), but like. there’s only so many times u can hear “I’m so sorry tht happened/I can only imagine what u went thru” b4 yr ready 2 just tell ppl to shut the fuck up. so like, on Eric’s side of things, not getting tht frm Adam? not hearing the whole “I’m rly sorry u almost lost yr son and were locked up fr six months”? tht’s foreign territory ENTIRELY 2 him. sorry is all anyone has to say, even other survivors. Adam not saying sorry n instead being like “well I’m glad yr still around” is kind of what makes tht decision in Eric’s head like, yes, I think I want 2 get to know this dude. He Gets It.

n Adam is just patient too. letting Eric come 2 him, making sure he knows he’s there, tht sorta thing, bc regardless of how much he likes Adam, being around ppl again is not smth he can just jump into. it’s a wound tht is still raw n open n aching n he needs to treat it w care instead of rubbing salt in. n Eric half expects tht to turn Adam away, esp when he sometimes goes a day w no communication, but it doesn’t n he’s just sorta like ??? bc Eric never rly... saw some1 making tht kind of accommodation fr him, never expected some1 to understand it. tht’s another region I feel they’re very similar in - contact, sometimes, can b very very hard, even over text. if they don’t speak all day, tht’s okay - they send each other “i’m okay” texts n th other person responds w “good” n tht’s fine. Adam provides compromises when Eric never even knew tht was a possibility. it’s good.

things progress kinda slowly but not in a bad way. they’re just kind of getting used 2 each other - both of them have been alone fr so long, having some1 in their lives tht they give a shit abt n who gives a shit abt them is smth they’re both navigating. fr Eric, it’s being around some1 consistently after his trap. fr Adam, it’s actually having a friend who doesn’t make him feel like shit + having some1 he can definitively say is there. sometimes its easier 2 sit in comfortable silence than it is to force a convo neither of thm rly have the energy fr. sometimes just being in a room together is enough. tht’s smth they both notice - tht it’s like. they find it easy 2 be around each other. which is SO foreign to both of thm so they’re just kinda feelin it out?

n again like u’ve written b4, I also feel one of th turning points is when Eric calls Adam abt his hair + Adam shaves it fr him in his bathroom. tht’s th point where they’re both like “oh, I rly care abt this person.” bc it’s three in th fucking morning, Adam didn’t even have 2 pick up his phone or even answer when he saw it was Eric. but he did, bc he cares, bc he wants to help, n Adam’s just kinda freaking out internally too bc it’s been a looong time since he’s felt tht way abt some1 - he just wants Eric 2 be okay. n it’s then tht he’s kinda like, coming 2 terms w th fact that he truly cares abt someone who he can say without a doubt cares abt him too and it’s just like. oof. ESP when Eric sleeps over bc again, it’s early as fuck, and isn’t it so much easier 2 just have him stay? isn’t it easier fr Adam to make space fr Eric in his bed n home n heart? n Eric actually doesn’t tell Adam abt this later, but tht night he sleeps over after Adam shaves his hair? it’s th best he’s slept in fucking weeks.

I feel like after tht they’re a LOT more comfortable w each other - not tht they weren’t b4; I mean in th sense tht when they’re not doing too great, they’ll reach out 2 each other rather than bottling it up n dealing w it alone. Adam comes over w CDs he likes bc he can’t talk abt it but he doesn’t want 2 be by himself n they sit in Eric’s living room together in comfortable silence. sometimes Eric sings 2 him. they both find tht it helps. Eric becomes more accustomed 2 accepting help when he knows he needs it + Adam offers - dimming th lights n staying close by to keep him frm getting another migraine, having th TV on but w the sound down low enough tht it doesn’t feel like some1′s hitting him over th head w too-loud dialogue, getting things fr him on th days tht his nerve pain flares up n he’s mostly confined 2 his bed. they’re there fr each other. this is what friendship looks like fr them, two Jigsaw survivors who understand each other better than any1 else ever could.

another huge step fr them is like, th first time Adam offers 2 help w Eric’s rashes. I feel like, even as they grow closer, tht’s still not smth he’s vocal abt/comfortable showing often, something he’s ashamed of bc he feels like it’s gross n he doesn’t want 2 like. make Adam deal w that. but like during one of their sleepovers where Adam cuts his hair fr him n Eric’s got his shirt off he just. grabs the ointment he knows Eric keeps in th cabinet above the sink n while Eric’s still sitting w his back to him, he wordlessly begins tending 2 the rash spread along Eric’s shoulders n his neck n back, n Eric just. freezes. Adam doesn’t say anything, just does it fr him, n Eric kinda. Breaks Down a lil bit. like he just starts silently sobbing bc Adam doesn’t have 2 do this. he doesn’t have to help him w one of th things Eric hates most abt his own body. he could think it’s Gross. but he doesn’t think it’s gross n he doesn’t mind touching it and he’s so gentle when applying the ointment n then when he’s done he just kind of leans against Eric’s back bc He Knows. he reaches around front n grabs one of Eric’s hands n just sits there w him while he cries it out, holding his hand 2 say I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere, n that is MAJOR fr Eric. and honestly? tht’s kind of th first time he Rly becomes aware of “oh fuck I love him.” (Adam too, ngl)

basically, the way it starts is a shared experience, smth no one else can rly say they have, an understanding based on tht shared experience. giving each other space until they begin inviting each other in. care, patience, “I’m here.” re-learning th feeling of mutual concern. somewhere along th way, it turns into love, and somehow falling into tht is just as easy.

-

Eric + baking:

YES I love this hc!! this is smth he picked up during his time btwn jobs during th earlier stages of recovery (but After meeting Adam/connecting w Art) bc he needed smth to do n was just sorta like, “well I guess this works huh?” n like. it was def a learning curve bc Eric can cook, relatively well/at least okay, but baking is a entirely different matter. at frst he was kinda discouraged when things didn’t turn out th way he hoped they would, but w gentle guidance on Art’s side n enthusiastic encouragement frm Adam, he stuck w it n has gotten pretty good as a result!! his fave things 2 make r peanut butter cookies (he does a little design on th top w a fork n both Adam + Art r like Oh My God That’s Adorable) + th aforementioned carrot cake cupcakes!! frosting is usually homemade n it’s usually cream cheese! he makes his own frosting fr cakes n stuff too (Constantly has 2 tell Adam to “keep yr hands off of th frosting/batter/dough! we’re not gonna have any left!!!” even tho tht Doesn’t stop him).

he makes rly good banana bread too! tht one was a lil harder 2 learn but he’s honestly pretty proud of it now. it’s so funny bc Adam typically doesn’t like stuff like tht but if Eric made it? oh it’s Amazing. (he’s like tht w Art’s cooking too kjdfhjs partially bc he is a Disaster in th kitchen, but also bc That’s His BF/Best Friend!!!)

if some1 is feeling particularly shitty he takes requests (Adam usually wants brownies + Art is partial 2 peanut butter cookies but w chocolate chips too) n it’s just a nice lil thing he can do 2 help, which is smth he Always wants to do. he also stress bakes tho so sometimes his bfs have 2 just kinda like check in n make sure he’s doing okay. but! yeah baking is smth he enjoys + is relatively good at!!

-

William/Mallick dynamic:

yr right I haven’t thought abt this dynamic much but I Am Now!!!

I feel like at his core, William is def a caretaker. Mallick, 2 me, is someone who is just wholly unfamiliar w being cared for. so like, at the Very Least, they’re both dating Adam + Lawrence, right? they spend a lot of time around each other. plenty enough time fr William 2 pick up on this. it just kinda. makes his heart hurt, bc he sees the unease in Mallick’s eyes every time one of thm performs even th smallest acts of kindness fr him - not bc he doesn’t appreciate it/doesn’t want it, but because it’s more that he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. n William Sees That and is just like. I Need U To Know You’re Loved.

they’re comfortable w each other, of course they are! they’re friends, good friends, who happen 2 be dating th same people! who go to bed together at night n wake up w each other in th morning. it’s love, they know tht, but Mallick still always looks so surprised when William makes waffles fr him fr breakfast. William cares.

n Mallick can kinda feel it, and he’s not resistant 2 it, but he’s definitely on edge abt it a little. but William also just has this air abt him that Mallick finds it hard to stay keyed up in, so it doesn’t rly take long fr Mallick to at least be at peace w William’s attention. but the moment he starts to really fathom it is during one of those days he can’t get himself 2 relax n is just shaking out on the couch, knees drawn up to his chest n his arm wrapped around thm, just kinda staring down at th carpet n just Not having the energy to get himself out of his own head. Lawrence + Adam r at work n Eric is taking a quick nap so it’s just Mallick n William.

so Mallick is sitting there spiraling n his breaths r coming out a little fast n William just sits down beside him, a mug of warm tea tht he sets down on th coffee table fr a moment, n he just rests a hand on Mallick’s shoulder. doesn’t say anything, just sort of like. offers tht bridge, opens tht avenue. n Mallick is like This Close to just breaking entirely, but what rly does it is when William just swipes his thumb over his shoulder n squeezes. n Mallick rly DOES break down, almost ugly-sobbing and wheezing, n somehow he ends up w his face in William’s neck, pretty much curled into his side, n tht’s when it truly hits him how much William cares abt him too. tht there are Several People who hold tht kind of room fr him in their hearts n lives. William didn’t even have 2 say anything fr Mallick to understand that, to know it as truth. n tht’s like, one of th events tht actually leads Mallick to building up tht self-esteem, knowing that.

n after tht happens, Mallick is a little less reluctant abt accepting William’s (+ everyone else’s!) help, at least some of the time. like Mallick will catch himself digging his fingers a lil too harshly into th stump of his arm (I’m w u on 10 Pints resulting in at least a partial amputation - like what was tht little scar in 3D???) n then he’ll feel William’s hand cover his n gently curl around his palm 2 be like “I’m not gonna say anything, but I see you, it’s okay,” n his grip relaxes. Eric will notice he’s working himself up too much n he’ll reach out n take one of his hands while he’s pacing + laces their fingers together so tht Mallick has to pause a moment n then he’s able to breathe. Lawrence stumbles across him in th midst of a panic attack n Mallick finds himself breathing easier when Lawrence takes one of his hands, places it over his chest + his heart, n breathes w him. Adam holds him when he jolts awake frm a nightmare. lil things like tht.

one of their fave things to help them both de-stress is they’ll lay in bed n William will read out loud to Mallick, who has his head on his chest n is listening but doesn’t have to put too much energy into keeping up, bc it’s mostly abt being close + having smth to fill the silence tht neither of them feel particularly comfortable in anymore. sometimes Mallick falls asleep n it honestly makes William rly happy bc not only is Mallick relaxed enough to actually close his eyes, he also trusts William enough to fall asleep around him, trusts him during a time he’s at his most vulnerable. it’s not uncommon fr Lawrence to get home frm work to find th two of them curled up against th pillows, sometimes both asleep or just Mallick while William continues reading silently and brushes his fingers thru Mallick’s hair. Adam def has a pic of them like tht somewhere, hung up on th cork board Art had bought specifically fr those kinds of photos. it’s smth easy tht doesn’t really require much energy + has the added bonus of just being close to n held by someone u love n who loves u.

and they help each other. sometimes William has a rly hard time looking at himself, the days where his guilt sits heavy in his chest n doesn’t seem 2 want to anywhere, n Mallick will just sit w him outside on th porch swing and just Be There bc it’s like. “I’m here, I want to b here, Jigsaw was wrong, you are not a terrible person, u did what u could w what u had and I love you,” in a single action. I think William also struggles, like u’ve mentioned tht Eric does, w th guilt of what happened + feeling like it was his fault. so Mallick sitting w him, their shoulders brushing, fr William it’s like, if he was truly as awful a person as John seemed 2 think he was, wld Mallick be this close? wld Mallick willingly lay down beside him some nights n kiss him good morning? wld he kiss him again on th cheek after he makes a fresh pot of coffee + pancakes? n William knows tht Mallick wouldn’t keep himself so close if John was right, so it’s like. proof of tht. n tht means a lot to William. sometimes tht’s all he needs.

they don’t have 2 deal w their struggles alone. they’re both surrounded by ppl who love them n want to see them do well - it’s only natural they feel tht way abt each other, too.

[imbellarosa]

some crack (but not really) headcanons for @statementlou under the cut come on people u know ur curious it can’t be THAT BAD...orrrr cannn it?? (also s/o to @dependsonwhospitching and @queenlokibeth who were too late to stop me) 

SO what if liam and oli (u read that right) got really close near the end of 1D. like...reallllyyyy close. everyone was doin’ their partying thing and they liked partying together and one thing led to another and u know how it isssss, things HAPPEN but it wasn’t SERIOUS or anything Liam was like Louis’ little bro Oli would NEVER!!! anyways then the band broke up bc...thats what bands DO (yes i know 5sos and the goo goo dolls and 21 pilots are still together but ALL OF THE GREATS have a dramatic break up make up story okay we’re just not at the make up yet give me this) ANYWAYS the band breaks up right? and they go their separate party boy ways and run into each other here and there and Oli even does a cameo in a Liam commercial (Louis can’t for the LIFE of him understand when he agreed but he’s like...yeah alright lad have fun) and then years pass and Louis and Liam still chat (sometimes) so like...they keeps tabs on each other in a periphery kind of way like how sometimes parallel stars have pieces of debris in their orbit that sometimes crash into each other unexpectedly and move on, but theyre different because they met each other.

ANYWAYS then this mess of a pandemic hits right? and by liams own admission they got the band back together (via WhatsApp! It COUNTS!) and then Louis wants TIPS for VEEPS because he wants to be doing thingsss rn he had a great five/six months off but October hit and it was BACK TO WORK FOR HIM! (why that month?? oh no reason ObVIOusLY just...felt right). right so ANYWAYS he’s on the phone with Liam a lot more but then he wants to go to LA (again, no reason) so he updates Liam on Oli’s contact in case of emergencies and Liam’s like “ah yes that dude i used to party and um...mutually respected for a while wonder what he’s up to”. and then they started texting and they’d never really had an actual convo before wo the help of, uh, adult substances?? but as it turns out, Oli knows his SHIT about art bc he’s been forced to sit and watch documentaries about obscure queer artists and listen to, um, a certain SOMEONE go ON AND ON (usually high) about paintings and subtext and how much they can spend (is reasonable to spend) on a piece so when liam starts talking about watercolors and shading and techniques Oli’s like ‘ah yes i know that how long have you been doing that AND have you tried MIXING THESE TWO MEDIUMS according to *x painter* it gives you *y result* and i think you’d like that”. and liam is like...O.O i didnt know?? you were an artist? and he’s like ‘nah mate im not but Louis’ really invested in some of that so ive sort of absorbed it all’ and Liam is like... “TELL ME MORE” so they *really* start talking and it turns out that Lima is STILL a kid in some ways but hes also crazy and chaotic and kind and trying his best, and i mean REALLY trying his best but ALSO really really hot (loookkkk have you SEEN him in shorts and eyeliner?? Oli needed a cup of ice after one of those face times). BUT ALSO Oli is FUNNY and LOYAL and he never ONCE made fun of the watercolor rat phase, and he WANTED to listen to all of the art (Zayn) related stories from the band that Louis wouldn’t ever listen to and also refused to tell. 

So like...the text convos moved to phone calls and the phone calls moved to facetimes and then at some point they realized that they’d had MONTHS worth of conversation (it’s December at this point) without needing ANY adult substances and like their convos are calm lowkey and really lovely so liams like...what if?? and now they have a date planned for when lockdown ends but they arent quite sure how they’re going to explain to Louis what’s been going on. Lucky for them, he’s been quite busy lately (what with the international travel and the writing sessions and the rehersals) so they still have a bit more time to figure it out, but only a bit, because they’ve already decided (unbeknownst to the other) that they’re going to be each other’s new year’s kiss. 

[hurtsprincess]

Hey you again!!😊

Sorry it took me awhile to answer your last message, but I was very busy (also with watching loads of sports over the weekend)😂

To answer your question: No, I’m not a writer. At least I have never published anything. I have this ritual with my grandma that we always write each other a story for Christmas. So that’a kinda where I was coming from sometimes finding it hard to write. And I also have to write Uni stuff but that’s something totally different of course😬

I also don’t think that I have the talent to write these long stories like you do. I have always so many ideas in my head but to actually bring that down on paper is a whole other story🤭🙈

I hope you a had a great weekend watching Motorsport and Euro! I personally really enjoyed it, because the French GP was surprisingly good and entertaining☺️

I wish you a nice day!!❤️

Oh, hi anon! So nice to hear from you again 👋🏻☺️

And no problem with the ‘late’ answer, we all got stuff to do in real life ;) although I felt like I didn’t do much other than watching sports at all last weekend 😂

(It’s actually always like that during race weekends, that I don’t get as much stuff done as I want, but the Euro definitely increases the effect at the moment, whoops… 🙈)

But it sounds so cool, the little tradition you have with your grandma! Very sweet, actually, and also such a personal gift for Christmas 🥰

(By the way, I don’t think you have to have published something in order to call yourself a writer… I think you are one whenever you write something voluntarily and without an outer ‘demand’ for it - so just like your Christmas stories! And when you enjoy writing, of course 😊)

And ooooh, yes, you got me there - the “too many ideas, too little time / motivation / inspiration /…”-curse is omnipresent also with me 😅 like you said, there are so many stories already finished in my head like little movies, and when I want to write them down it’s like: “Uuh… naaaaah… not gonna happen!”. So I feel you A LOT on this regard 🙈

I feel like this has to do with (too) high expectations, too… because you just want to do it as good as the movie in your head is 🤭

But do you know what helps me most of the time with that, when I’m really (creatively) stuck? Allow myself to write badly - and I mean like really, REALLY badly 😅 (“X said. Y nodded. X then nodded too. They smile at each other.”)

Very often, that helps to break the ice - to just get started, you know? Because as I once read online: “You cannot proofread and overwork a blank page!” - and I think that’s very true 😉

So maybe you might just want to give it a try one day? It doesn’t have to be a long story, maybe start with some nice oneshot and then see where it goes? (Though for me, tbh, the short stories are the more difficult ones - writing more and more is much easier than being precise and distinctive in your narration 😂)

But, long story short, if you want to try it, I deeply encourage you to give it a shot. You don’t have to publish it or show it to anyone, but write it just for yourself… it’s a quite addictive feeling of reward when you finish a story, let me tell ya 😅

Let me know when you tried :)

Have a good evening (…at least it is evening in my time zone / Germany 🤓) and I’d love to hear from you again! Also via DM if that’s maybe a little more ‘private’ than posting our convo here, but that’s of course also okay for me, if you want to stay on anon 😊

…oh, and yes, almost forgot, the French GP was thrilling! I was very happy for Max (…redemption for the messed up Barcelona strategy 😉), Lando and George, but my heart broke for the Ferraris… they did not deserve that!! 😭 So I hope for a more satisfying result for them in Austria now 🍀

(By the way, which drivers do you support? Only Carlando, or maybe also others? 😊)

(Okay, I’m gonna post this now, my phone is warming up uncomfortably in my hand from all the typing 😅)

Bye bye 👋🏻🙃

[reeesea]

Something Sweet: Part Three

~sweet beginnings~

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

pairing: minsung, jisung/minho

warning: mild language 

words: 2.5k ish

summary: sweet beginnings and small apartments, also Seungmin baby shows up 

a/n: Im honestly just proud of myself for posting a third chapter woo!! lemme know if you read and enjoyed <3

also the spacing got wack trying to do the text convos, so hope the bold and non bold isn't too gross to look at. Minho and Jisung

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Minho wakes up to the sun streaming in through the thinly veiled curtains over his window. Thankfully he woke up to a minimal headache in spite of having gone out to the bar and an impromptu concert the night before. Rolling over in his small twin sized bed he reached for his phone to check the time and any potentially important notifications. 

9:26 am 

[ 2 new messages from Rich Boy Han Jisung ]

Minho finds himself smiling at the new messages from the boy that had stumbled upon him last night. 

2:25 am

Youre right I do hear it all the time

but it sounds pretty sweet coming from you ;} 

I'll tell J.One you thought he was amazing

9:28 am

Careful Han, your cockiness is showing

Jisungs’s cocky demeanor does nothing but make him more endearing to the older, but something gave Minho the impression that the boy already knew this. Not expecting a reply from the other this early in the morning, Minho stretched out of bed and made his way out of his small bedroom and quietly to the shared bathroom. Not a small feat in the old apartment shared by him and his roommates. Creaky floorboards, squeaky doors, and over all close proximity to each other makes being quietly courteous in the morning a frequent challenge for the boys. 

The living room at the end of the small hallway was turned into a shared bedroom for Minho's two roommates. Felix’s mattress had gotten a bed frame from some trading website a few months back when he moved in. The makeshift wall of hung shower curtains and a fold out screen gave the boys the illusion of privacy between their respective sides of the room. Even though more times than not, Minho has come home to find the lanky brunette curled up in Felix's bed instead of on his designated couch. 

Climbing over the piles of the boys’ clothes, Minho makes it to the bathroom without disturbing the other two. The two were still passed out from working their night shifts, draped over each other on the freckled boy’s bed. Neither showed signs of awakening any time in the morning hours. Minho showered quickly and changed in order to make his way out of the apartment and on his way to the studio to practice his Saturday away

Minho would have thought that the both of them would have remained in their university dorms for the summer, if they weren’t able to find apartments on their own. But, at some point after he had graduated, he had gained himself plus two of his underclassmen as roommates. He really couldn't complain though, it all made sense as all three of them were a part of the same dance studio, barely a block away, and all had reasons to be saving money. Paying a fraction of rent really helped with all that had to be saved in order to pay for school, studio fees, living, breathing, and most importantly audition fees. 

As the summer had set in, so had the wave of audition opportunities for companies and crews. Felix had mentioned needing to prepare a video audition last week for a few entertainment companies in the area. Hyunjin was busy trying to save up his money to pay for the upcoming semesters at school to graduate like Minho had. 

Entering the practice room and being welcomed by the distinctive scent of a dance studio was enough to bring Minho back to reality. Since graduating, he had been stuck in his thoughts about what to do with his future a lot. His childhood dreams of getting into the prestigious Yellow Wood Dance Academy seemed to slip farther away from him with every passing year. His audition tapes each year during university were almost always sent back, along with a ‘We are sorry to inform you…’

 It’s not like Minho couldn't keep applying, but with every year the rejection stung a little bit more, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to take another blow. No matter how confident Minho acted about his looks, when it came to dancing his ego was glass fragile. His passion for dance sometimes felt like the only thing that kept him standing, but it had been a while since he had felt rewarded for his dedication. Even when his practically broken dream haunted him a little too much, focusing back to his craft really gave him a better grasp on reality. Making his way to the front of the room to plug in his phone to pick music, a new notification popped up. 

[Rich Boy Han Jisung]

10:03am 

dw dw its all fake i assure you, all just a ploy to get you to like me

What you up to on this fineee saturday mornin??

Hmmm wouldnt you like to know 

i only tell boys i like so...

Minho smiled in spite of himself. Even over text the sparkly eyed boy was able to pull out and dust off his genuine smile. It had definitely been a while since Minho had found himself freely smiling, but here comes Han Jisung crash landing into his life, running amuck. After spending a moment debating whether or not just to tell the younger of his activities anyway, he came to the conclusion that mentioning dance would only result in more questions, and Minho really wasn't feeling like spilling his passions and dreams with the other already.

Haha i am only even more motivated now >:D

Dont strain yourself too much with that, 

im just enjoying my saturday before my shift later.

Queuing up some music Minho migrated to the middle of the room to casually freestyle and warm up for the day. Allowing the music to flood his ears, movements to take over his limbs, and only his feet to remind him of where he was, Minho’s mind went blank as he began to relax and give up control of his body to the steady beats of the song.

---

By the time Minho wrapped up his practice and was  heading home the sun was already starting to settle on the lower half of the sky. Surprisingly the day had passed him by quickly. Spending the whole day grinding out a routine he had been recently working to perfect was not usually an overall fun time, but Minho found that he was able to keep his practice productive and enjoyable. 

His smile throughout the day certainly had nothing to do with his breaks to text to Jisung. The casual banter between them felt natural, and the light conversation made him feel lighter on his feet as he moved across the floor. Even with the flirty nature of their introduction, their conversation never steered far from how anyone would expect two close friends to interact. Minho found himself smiling more throughout the day as he checked Jisung’s messages throughout the morning and afternoon. 

12:25 pm

Also for the record my capacity to flirt is honestly quite unimpressive 

I hope you aren’t talking to me for my stage charisma and charm 

To sweep you off you feet, i may be a disappointment

Usually i'm just awkward, cant flirt, doesnt leave the house, Jisung

You almost tripped over your feet walking into the bar last night

Dw im not sure id want you to sweep me off my feet with that balance

You wound me ;--;

 By talking to Jisung, he had somehow managed to satisfy all of Minho’s previous curiosities while sparking new ones. Even with Minho generally avoiding giving away his own personal interests and dreams, Jisung didn't hold those same reservations and filled their conversation with “fun facts” and lively stories. Jisung’s lively play by play of the bickering taking place between his group mates, now officially introduced as Chan and Changbin, had Minho giggling on the floor of the practice room. The way Jisung described everything brought it to life in ways that he hadn’t expected from a casual text conversation. The boy was definitely a great storyteller even just over type, and Minho found himself wondering if he would get to hear his endless stories in person.

---

[Rich Boy Han Jisung]

3:36 pm

Youre one interesting man Lee Minho

Han, you know almost nothing about me

On the contrary I feel like I know a good amount

Youre name is Lee Minho

You work at the fancy restaurant Menu 98

You used to work at the bar we were at last night

You have a really beautiful smile

…

Are you quite done

Definitely not but if i start going off about how stunning your eyes are 

you might block me

Which would be a shame please dont

What happened to awkward Jisung who cant flirt huh?

Minho returned to the small apartment to find Felix attempting to cook some ramen in the microscopic kitchen and Hyunjin sprawled across the couch watching some variety show. Felix was probably fueling up in order to spend the night gaming the weekend away before his work overtook his weekdays again. Hyunjin barely looked to be conscious but still managed to wave a greeting to Minho as he walked into the room. 

“How’d practice go?” 

“Pretty well. Finally was able to clean up that middle section I’ve been messing up.” Minho hurried into the other room to shower once again before heading to the restaurant for his evening shift. 

“Oh glad to hear it.” Felix’s voice filtered in from his place by the stove that was shoved in a corner of the room, along with a fridge and a sink that barely classified it as a kitchen unit. None of the three were complaining, the stove heated up their ramen water and the fridge kept their milk cold, what more could they ask for?

“WAIT, did you talk to that guy at the bar last night???” Hyunjin’s loud voice carried from the couch through their thin walls allowing Minho to clearly hear even if his bedroom door was closed. 

“Which one, Jinnie?? You gotta be more clear than that.” Minho had actually stacked up a few numbers from his night and received atleast ten free drinks from other patrons. Not too bad for the first night out, but of course the only phone number he had bothered messaging happened to be the one he had been texting all day.

“You know the one, the rapper one you left to go see perform.” Minho of course knew, but he wasn't gonna admit it to his roommate so easily, and just hummed in response eliciting a groan from the younger. 

“If you haven’t, you so should. 3racha is all everyone from the bar is talking about. Their concert must have been a big deal or something.” 

“WHAT, 3RACHA? You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Felix, apparently a fan, shuffles in with his ramen in hand to accompany the loud outburst.

“Hyung! One of them gave you their number?? They’re literally like the next big thing in the music scene. Which one of them was it?”  

J.One, Han Jisung, the cute pink hoodie guy

“His name is Jisung I’m pretty sure.” Minho was very sure. “I didnt know they were such a big deal” 

“J.One gave you his number? Damn hyung, you don't even know. They’ve been performing locally for years but their fan base has grown a ton in the last year. There’s rumors that they've signed with a company and are going to come out with something soon.” Felix continued spouting off information on the group to them, as Minho continued his routine of preparing for work at Menu 98. 

---

[Rich Boy Han Jisung]

4:35 pm

Looks like my roommate is a fan of you guys

We’re not talking the tall beautiful bartender from last night right

No that was Hyunjin, Felix is the fan

beautiful?

Ah atleast ill be on the good side of one of ur roomies

Yeah tall boy was pretty, but something about him made me think he didnt like me

I think it was his face, and his height

Most tall pretty boys dont take too well to a squirrel boy being in their territory ya know. 

Whats not to like about a cute squirrel boy

Im sure he likes you and youre over thinking

If his two roommates like you, he’ll have to like you by association

:o 

Did Lee Minho just admit to liking me 

Wow the development, less than 24 hours 

We love to see it

Your ridiculous

I said nothing of the sort

Sure sure hyung

Gtg now, dinner shifts starting

Have fun at work!!!!

(wait can i call you hyung???)

Minho left him on read as he walked into the restaurant, already bustling with waiters and the changing of shifts for the dinner crowd. ‘Less than 24 hours’ and Minho was already admitting indirectly that he liked the boy he had only just properly met the night before. Stranger things have happened he supposed. Minho continued to surprise himself with this one though. He was not one to seek out friendships or relationships. Anything more than the very occasional one night stand, was practically void from Minho’s social life. Other than the people he had met through dance and his roommates, there were very few others that Minho had chosen to form any kind of relationship with. Even his co-workers were mostly just faces and names he had to remember in order to do his job well. 

Well, expect Seungmin.

“You look awfully happy today, who spiked your coffee this morning?” Seungmin had been a newly inserted character in Minho’s life but they became fast friends after a few too many late night shifts without proper caffeination. 

Seungmin had been a newly hired host at Menu 98, just the average polite university student with enough experience to get hired. When Minho met him they exchanged the basic pleasantries and thought that would be the end of that, until one fated closing shift. A certain, tipsy, entitled, rich, high class asshole of a customer had held up Minho’s section for much of the night. Minho found himself being bossed around and verbally berated throughout the night, trying to serve the women who appeared to never be satisfied with the food or service Minho was offering. By the end of the night, she was their last customer and Minho saw her to the front to pay. His customer service smile, strained and barely holding up, and the woman’s complaints, even while paying, had him wanting to drop all his pleasantries and curse her out as she waltzed out the door.

    “What an absolute fucking pain in the ass of a woman”

Minho hadn’t thought he had said his thoughts aloud, but looked up to catch Seungmin, who had let the words come out in hushed tones as he held a sickening polite smile on his face. After that point the two had bonded over various pain in the ass customers and a mutual love for sarcastic backhanded insults. Minho's relationship with Seungmin was probably the closest thing to a friendship that the older had experienced in a while. 

“No spiked coffee, sadly” 

“Well something’s making your usual sad bitch face smile, so it's gotta be good. Hmm...Meet someone?” Seungmin’s signature puppy eyes were on full display, but not without the signature  mischievous glint they always held. 

“Well wouldn't you like to know Seungmo~ but me and my usually flawlessly beautiful face got to go charm our way into some extra tips.” Minho gave the boy a gentle pat on his head, that was met with a stubborn pout forming at the younger’s lips.

“You definitely met someone, you usually don't have this much self-confidence so early into the evening.” Minho did nothing but giggle at his comment and made his way to the back room to begin his shift. 

------

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

[lambsearandlavender]

Oh! Today we were at my dad's & the difference between my & my husband's adhd symptoms came up in convo, how in some ways we have opposite symptoms & my dad was like "huh I wonder why" & my husband like started to let slip that I'm autistic but tried to save it saying I have some "sort of autistic traits" or something rofl, so I was like "fuck it, I'm pretty sure I'm autistic, hear me out."

And! My dad and his gf didn't think i was crazy at all. They were like ohhhhh that makes sense! Wow so interesting tell us more! We had a great talk about symptoms in women and the symptoms I've been seriously masking and things I did when I was little that we now realize were Very Autistic of Me. It was so validating and such a positive conversation! They even encouraged me to get diagnosed if I want to which idk, that's an ongoing convo for a lot of reasons but yeah.

And then ok, so in an unrelated convo recently my uncle was like "you know I always suspected I'm autistic" and I was immediately like "ohhh my god you 1000% are, I cannot believe I didn't realize" and i also hung out with a friend recently who like I've always thought of as like awkward and anxious in mostly cute and endearing ways but we were talking about how she uses fidgets to cope now and talking about stuff We deal with mentally, and mind you this girl is officially diagnosed with nothing at all, but I was like ohhh you are definitely autistic but just like, managed to get through medical school with mostly symptoms that are just cute so no one ever suspected. I mean I didn't tell her but I was like oh, my friend, you are autistic for sure.

What I'm saying is I feel like I can see it in a couple people in my life and I have a history of meeting people, just somehow knowing they're autistic, and finding out sometimes even years later that they are and I just sort of inherently knew without them telling me.

So anyway, my dad was like..."do you think I could be autistic? Omg. I didn't know I had adhd until you got diagnosed. Could this be the same thing???" And with him I feel like I genuinely do not know at all lol. Like I'm not like YES autism but I'm also not thinking definitely allistic. So I sent him some screeners and I'm super curious to see his results.

Anyway that's my info dump, I'm just so excited that the conversation went a billion times better than I thought! I feel validated! And I feel supported, it's so wild to think of people just wanting you to do whatever gets you the best help and support when I work with so many parents who are really fearful of labels &; diagnoses.