#and have actual friends and a social life

[opinions-about-tiaras]

This is sort of true historically speaking, but only to an extent and is culturally dependent, and it isn't really true today.

A plantation owner, especially a larger one, would never, ever describe themselves as a farmer. They were gentlemen. In fact, it was considered uncouth to know how to manage your own land. Many of them did know how to do this, of course, but it was considered socially awkward. A true southern gentleman did not need to concern himself with the adding-up or the planting or the price of cotton; that was what the other, lesser people in their employ were for. If you had to manage your own land and couldn't hide the fact that you were doing so, this knocked your social standing way down.

The way this worked out in society was you would describe yourself as "having" land. You would not say "I farm five hundred acres in Assumption Parish." You would say "I have five hundred acres in Assumption Parish." People could infer from that what was being done with the land in order to provide you with income.

With European feudal nobility, it could be a lot different.

An actual-factual feudal lord of high standing would never describe themselves as a farmer, nor would it be considered accurate to describe them as such by their contemporaries. The Earls of Warwick controlled thousands of acres of productive farmland, but calling them "farmers" would be a risible thing to do.

However, the smaller British nobility, up until the 19th century, would often describe themselves as "farmers," sometimes with a capital F, or at least "farming land" if that was what the land they were deriving rent from was used for. It was sort of a cultural modesty thing; if you had only a small title, or none at all, you wouldn't necessarily want to put on airs or get above yourself.

I hesitate to reach for fictional sources, but there's actually a really good example of this in Lord of the Rings, when Pippin meets Bergil, son of his friend Beregond:

"Which question shall I answer first?" said Pippin. "My father farms the land round Whitwell near Tuckborough in the Shire.

I bring this up because Tolkien was quintessentially British in his use of language and this is a very precise and deliberate use of language. Pippin does not say "my father is a farmer." He says "my father farms the land in this locale."

Paladin Took has probably never picked up a hoe in his entire life. (Neither had Pippin, I'd wager.) He is a large landholder who lives in a gigantic underground mansion, deriving his income from rent, and he is titled. Hundreds of men answer to his banner, and at the time Pippin is having this conversation, he is conducting a guerrilla war against occupiers.

But because the Shire is meant to be an ur-representation of idealized British countryside and village life in the pre-modern era, Pippin presents it as "my father farms the land." This isn't something Tolkien made up, it was a common way for the smaller nobility or large non-titled landholders to present themselves.

However, that use of language dropped off massively in the 18th and 19th century. There were a lot of reasons why, but by the 20th century it would be very unusual to describe yourself as a farmer unless you were at least actively engaged in the management of your land.

The way I personally would delineate this in the modern era is, do you know how to farm, and do you apply that knowledge to making a living from farming? If the answer to both of those is true, you are probably a farmer. If the answer to one is not true, you probably aren't.

The CEO of Cargill is not a farmer; that idea is transparently nuts. There are people working at Archers Daniel Midland who have immense knowledge of farming and are formally educated in agricultural studies; they might be farmers, but many of them are not. The guys down on the ground are absolutely farmers.

There's this Tumblr poll going around asking when was the last generation people's ancestors were farmers. And the option for none of them is "none, my family was always wealthy" and I'm fascinated by the assumptions that

a. the only options historically were "rich" or "farmer"

b. farmers were never rich

Firstly I swear it wasn't just castles and farms until 1900, cities and towns existed, people had jobs besides King and farmhand, but also I think people conflate "farmer" and farm laborer. They are often the same but a farmer is technically just someone who owns or manages a farm. Plantation owners were farmers. European feudal lords were farmers. Oddly enough control of agriculture lead to a lot of power and resources, historically speaking

[goldkirk]

and if you weren’t as lucky as I was to learn from Great Depression grandparents:

• everything you can wash, save, and reuse or alter/repurpose, start learning to do it. you can always toss it later if you look it up and CAN’T find a use for it that makes it worth keeping for you. But give yourself the chance.

• learn to mend and do basic hand sewing.

• learn cheap recipes based around rice, beans, potatoes, etc. (casseroles can help with this, and use lots of cheaper frozen or canned food too)

• ten extra seconds every time you use something to refold it really well (or wipe it off, or repack it, or whatever) will extend its life so much. spend the little bits of time and the small routine maintenance tasks so you don’t have to replace things or repair them nearly as soon

• coupon. use sale ads. check every membership and group you have for discounts and deals.

• build a deep pantry. you want enough to feed yourself food you’ll actually eat for two weeks. If you want and you can, you can expand it to three months.

• learn how to dehydrate or can or freeze dry if you can

• learn your local plants and what you can forage

• build strong communities with people you can mutually trade supplies and skills with (ironing, home repair, mending, weaving, carpentry, painting, landscaping, gardening, etc.) and people who you are lightened and warmed by and can socialize with and emotionally support each other with

• swap things. Find local buy-nothing groups and local freecycle people

• USE THE LIBRARY. FIND OUT ALL THE THINGS IT CAN DO AND PROVIDE FOR YOU

• there’s no shame in using a food pantry. Use one if you need it. no one there is judging you. many more people have used one at least once in their life than you’d ever guess, I promise.

• inventory what you already have. For real. Fully. Your supplies for food, your cooking appliances, your toolbox, your entertainment games, your books, your clothing. Know what you have, figure out what you need to fill in still, and figure out if you have any extra you can give away, swap, or sell to those who need it

• humans are always humans. humans have always been humans. in disaster, humans tend towards kindness and community. NOT panic and distrust. accept that fact and live and plan accordingly

• shelf stable is your friend

• Learn To Ask For Help

[sweetchillipeppers]

Jason Todd x Reader - Teacher AU

Pairing: Jason Todd x Gender Neutral!Reader

A/N: Y’all what if I actually got back into writing fics? I didn’t know I could do that. But write what you want to see. And I want to see English teacher by day, Red Hood by night Jason Todd with History teacher reader so sue me. More importantly, I want to see Damian in reader’s classroom at lunchtime bitching about his brother. I already have part two, so that will be posted soon. (And y’all get to have a look at the Red Hood!)

Also I believe this is gender neutral if anyone sees gendered language let me know and I'll fix it.

Tags: Rivals to lovers, kind of mutual pining, Teacher AU Word Count: 3368

Pt 1 Pt 2

You were warned that teaching would be just like high school all over again. The same cliques and bullies and drama that plagued the halls when you were 15, to be repeated now that you’ve returned to the school as an adult. To think that fully grown human beings are still caught up in the same scandals, doomed to the same behaviour 10 years after they should have grown out of it. You never would have believed it until you saw it yourself. Until even you devolved to your teenage years, developing a deep hatred for a fellow colleague. Okay. Hatred was a strong word for the rivalry but the dislike you held for a certain English teacher was real. And right now, he was the reason you’ve had to delay a test for your students. The email you’d received less than 10 minutes before your class was due to start did nothing but add to the rage you felt.

“10th grade English stream A2 is running over. 7 kids still need to present their projects. They’ll be late for their next class. Sorry for the delay.” 

Attached was a list of students in the class who would be late. All unsurprisingly in your history class. Mr Jason Todd had no respect for you, no respect for your time and no respect for your subject.

As the two youngest teachers at the school, you were often paired together: volunteer work, lunch duty, after school workshops. It didn’t help that your two departments, history and english, also worked closely with one another. You hated that the kids adored him. You hated that the other teachers still adored him, especially after all his flakiness. You knew that he hadn’t appeared at over half the after school volunteer work you had to do, and that he likely had an active social or dating life that was the cause, something you missed since becoming a teacher. So maybe, the hatred was all just jealousy. NOT. As if you’d be so petty.

When you first met Jason, you liked him. Like really liked him. He was pretty and smart and you are oh so attracted to competence. You trapped him in literary discussions from the Brothers York to the Odyssey but he never minded. You threw a couple joint trip ideas around to go see a local Shakespeare play after Christmas or the early 19th century writers exhibition at the museum. He was also the rugby coach and his practice on the field coincided with your volleyball team’s in the hall so twice a week you tidied the equipment cupboard together. You were so certain the two of you would be fast friends. Maybe more. So when the librarian went on paternity leave in October and Jason needed help re-cataloguing the entire library onto the new system you volunteered. A chance to spend time with someone you liked and helping out the school: a win-win. What you hadn’t expected was that what should’ve been a couple hours at most after school for a week turned into a month-long endeavour for you. Only you. Jason would stay for at most 20 minutes before running away with some kind of excuse and vanishing for the rest of the night. By the third week, you’d started cataloguing during your lunch breaks to try speed up the process (and to avoid spending any time with him while your temper simmered under pleasantries). After that you distanced yourself. He clearly had no respect for your time and you by extension. No more literary discussions in the staff room. No more joint tidies in the equipment store and no more library cataloguing. Mr Jason Todd was the most unreliable colleague you had. The bane of your existence. And yet, everyone seems to forget this fact when he flashes a smile or starts talking about classic literature. But not you. No, you could see through his gorgeous face, past those good looks into the depths of his terrible personality. And unfortunately, the only person who agreed with you was a child.

“Todd irritates me far too often. I put in a request at the start of the year that I would not be in any of his classes.” Damian states matter of factly. The two of you were sat in your classroom eating lunch. The youngest Wayne opting to spend time surrounded by history displays instead of braving the lunch hall and eating alone. And, as the teacher, it was your responsibility to encourage him to make friends. After the two of you bitch about Jason of course. 

“I wish I could put in a request to stop seeing him in the staff room. But no, he wanders in with his fancy books and his fancy teas-”

“Those would be Pennyworth’s” He confirms.

“-Flashes a smile and expects me to be nice to him after how flakey he’s been. Can you believe it?”

Damian swallows a bite of his sandwich and nods solemnly. “I can.”

“He’s incredibly unreliable. I mean how do people give him any responsibility after this?” Your arms gesturing wildly.

“Perhaps this is weaponised incompetence. I always say to Father that he is too incompetent for his job.” Damian suggests, shaking his head. “But Father says that he is one of the most competent people he knows”

It’s not too hard to be competent in front of ‘Brucie’ Wayne. But you don’t tell Damian that.

“No, he's definitely competent enough. I know he’s incredibly intelligent and I sat in for one of his classes. He clearly just has zero time management skills.”

“And he lacks respect.”

“And he lacks respect!” You shout, then realise you should probably calm down and sheepishly rub the back of your neck. Although it seems that Damian hadn’t cared about your outburst.

“I am the blood son, he should at least be respectful to the rightful heir. But no, he and Grayson make a habit of tossing me about like a basketball.”

That sounds quite sweet to you, that Damian’s older brothers treat him so nicely and the disagreement must show on your face because Damian scoffs.

“Pennyworth tells me it’s ‘Sibling Bonding’. I do not wish to think of those two imbeciles as related to me.”

“The curse of being the youngest.” you offer in response, “Although it sounds like they want to be playful with you. That they want a good relationship.”

“I can’t believe you’re defending Todd right now.”

You huff at that, changing the subject. “Maybe you should make some other friends, that way you can spend less time with your brothers. Think of it as an escape plan.”

“Are you not my friend?” 

“Um well, yes, but I meant some kids your own age.”

“Ah. Father agrees. He says that Jon is not enough. That I need more than one friend. How many friends do you have? I will achieve the same.” Damian looks determined, which means you’re at least getting through to him. You, on the other hand, feel like a deer in headlights. Honestly you can count the number of friends you have from outside work on one hand. 

“I have lots of friends.” You brag. Damian does not look convinced. “How about you aim to make two more friends? Maybe you should join a club. Ms Song says you excel in her art classes. The art club meets on Tuesday lunchtimes and after school on a Wednesday.”

“I enjoy my lunches in the history room.”

“But this would work for both of us Damian. I start lunchtime duty next week on Tuesdays. I won’t be in my classroom.” A lie, of course, but you really want Damian to make some friends and be more social amongst the other students. You’re not sure who’s timetabled for Tuesday lunchtime duty but you’ll find a way to swap. And luckily, Damian doesn’t call your bluff.

“Fine. I shall join the art club. I suppose it is only fair that I do something uncomfortable as well.”

You have no idea what Damian is talking about but he’s joining the art club so that’s a win for you. He’s putting himself out there socially and that’s all you can hope for. The bell rings and Damian packs up his things, leaving you to get ready for your next class. 

By the end of the day you were still thinking about how much you hated Jason. It’s not like he was the only thing on your mind though. In all honesty the only thing you had learnt from the earlier half of your conversation with Damian is that you were acting like a 14 year old. Not to say neither of your grievances were invalid but you suppose you should maybe give Todd slightly more grace than you do currently. Especially if he already has one enemy in Damian. You think back to the incident this morning. Maybe it really was an accident. Sometimes projects and classes over run. You have to be flexible in teaching. You gather your materials together when the bell rings and your last class rushes out the door. 

“For those of you coming on the trip on Saturday, meet outside the school bright and early!” You call, “The coach leaves at 8.30!”

You sit back down and stretch your arms out as you log into your emails, sending one to the maths teacher asking to switch to her lunchtime duty on Tuesdays. She replies yes and you smile in success. Plan ‘help Damian make friends’ has finished stage one. Wonderful! Scanning the latest reminder from your principal, someone knocks at the door, drawing your attention away. You figure it might be Janice, one of the cleaners or Alejandro the receptionist. “Come in.” you say, and turn back to your emails.

“Where’s good to start setting up?” You would recognise that grating voice in a heartbeat. Jason Todd. You swivel so fast in your chair you almost fall out of it. 

“What are you doing here?” You try to sound as neutral and as unaffected by his very presence as possible. 

“Parents' evening. We’re sharing a classroom. The email went out three weeks ago and a reminder today?” You turn back to the monitor. The last unread email. Damn. You’d agreed to share a classroom when you were still on good terms. 

“I must’ve missed it. I’m ready to start setting up right now.” You smile through gritted teeth.

You were so wrong about giving grace. That man has done nothing but step on your toes all afternoon. That display should be changed, these books should be out, example essays from each subject should have no overlap. And the worst part is that he was right on most counts. But you don’t take lightly to being ordered around by a man who does nothing but infuriate you. In less than an hour the parents will be walking into your room and judging you and the school and you again and Jason still isn’t back. He better be in the toilet having a case of explosive diarrhoea or so help him god, the principal will have to scrape his remains off the teacher car park. It’s been 20 minutes. You suppose the classroom is prepped and ready for the parents so you could just wait anxiously by yourself. You suppose nothing was tethering him here when the displays were done as long as he made it back before the parents. You suppose he wouldn’t want to spend time with someone who had become so hostile and jagged towards him. Maybe he was talking with some of the other teachers, you reasoned. He hadn’t abandoned you again. Not after the promises about turning up and being here. And certainly not after the principal’s second reminder email that seemed more like a warning. Perhaps you should go see if any other teachers needed help last minute as well. To keep your mind busy and away from the failure Jason was setting you up for. You lock your classroom and walk towards the art room.

Jason was running late again. Dick had called in an SOS and he was closest. And to make up for it he figured it wouldn’t matter if he stopped to grab a coffee for you each as a peace offering. He did enjoy your company after all. He knew that your iciness these past few weeks had been well deserved. He didn’t mean to miss all the cataloguing but it was a particularly active week for Black Mask and Penguin and then the week after that he was recovering from a stab wound he’d gotten during a routine drug bust. Getting a second job had taken some getting used to. So he could hardly blame you for your hostility. He knew he deserved it. So in order to make amends, he grabbed you a drink from the cafe two blocks from the school before he joined you in your classroom, ready for parents evening. He signed back into the office before catching a glimpse at the time. Shit. You were going to be so angry if he was late again. So he sprinted like a madman, ignoring all his very new teacher instincts about running in corridors. As Jason rushed towards your classroom he didn't notice the art room door open and you step out, waving goodbye to Ms Song. 

The apology coffee ended up all over you. Seeping through your sweater and your shirt. Your nice, white shirt, ironed and pressed for parents' evening. You take a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t mean to-” Jason starts.

“It's okay Jason, really.” You swallow and turn to keep walking to your class. You were trying not to lose it. Not to cry or yell, when parents could walk through the door at any moment. Jason trailed behind you. When you walk into your classroom he calls your name. 

“What?” You snap. You have run out of patience and out of grace for him. He takes off his knit jumper, passing it to you.

“It’ll help cover the stain.”

“It’ll be weird though won’t it?” You question, eyebrow raised. You knew exactly what the staff room would sound like on Monday if anyone saw you. 

“Is that worse than letting the principal see you talking to parents covered in coffee?”

You don’t reply. He was right, per usual. You take the jumper, unenthusiastically and pull it on. It smells like him. Not that it would mean anything to you of course, it’s just a smell. It has absolutely zero effect on you. Jason was also not faring too well. Seeing you in his jumper was quite endearing. But it had no effect on him either. Everyone looked good in knit. Thankfully, you both hear the parents walking around the corridors and are able to break the awkwardness. 

“Ready to go?” He asks.

“People will like history way better than English.” You promise in response, looking at your display on ancient civilisations, matching your 9th grade class’s current topic. The bright colours and big posters were sure to catch everyone’s eyes.

Jason smirks, “More people like Shakespeare than you think.” He references his own display: a large, badly drawn, picture of Shakespeare with literary technique thought bubbles surrounding him. You roll your eyes, desperately trying to stop any trace of a smile. You were still angry at him. But right now, the parents need your attention.

The two of you finally finished the evening. It had been taxing, no thanks to your revived rivalry. You spent the entire evening one-upping each other to parents, as subtle as possible of course. When the principal had checked in on your pair, you were sweet as saints. No matter how much you disliked the man, even you couldn't deny how well you worked together. He apologised multiple times about the coffee. He really did feel bad about it all. The spill really was an accident. He also apologised for his flakiness, but gave no explanation as to why he had abandoned you for weeks on end. You found no reasonable explanation incredibly hard to believe. So you still didn’t trust him. 

When the final parents left and the two of you began the tedious task of tidying, you walked up to him. “Just because we’ve worked well together tonight does not mean I forgive you. I know you’ve said sorry but until you prove it I don’t believe you.” You used your teacher voice but kept it low enough that the few listening ears wouldn’t have the chance for any gossip. Jason nods, gulping. You continue to work in silence. When the two of you finished packing everything away, highly efficiently you might add, you knew you ought to talk to Jason about Damian. No matter how much his brother disliked him, you knew you needed to talk to him about Damian. You wanted his family to encourage his creativity as both an outlet and a means to relax and socialise. You casually leant against a desk and spoke up. 

“This might be too personal-” Jason perked up at your voice. “-but I was wondering if you could ask your family to encourage Damian’s art and creativity. I’m aware he doesn’t really have many friends-” Jason scoffs and you stare him down. He was a grown man. He needed to act like one.

Jason breaks the silence, “He has one friend, Jon. He lives in Metropolis. They see each other pretty regularly.” Jason shrugs. “Does he really need more?”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. “You need to think like a teacher. Stop looking at him like your kid brother and see him as a child having trouble connecting with his peers. I want him to have someone to talk to while at school. Someone who is not me. And not you.” You add, even though you know Damian likely ignores his entire existence. “I’ve asked him to join the art club and go on Tuesday lunchtimes. I’m sure Ms Song has told you about how talented he is.”

“She hasn’t. You’re the only teacher who knows we’re related.” Jason shrugs again. His nonchalance was getting on your nerves. 

“What?”

“The school board and principal know, obviously. But we thought it would be better that his peers didn’t. We didn’t want him being accused of favouritism.” You suppose that makes sense. That could have isolated him further. Jason stepped towards you. “And you only know because of your bitching sessions.” Your eyes widen. “Yeah I know about those.” Jason taunts. 

This man. The nerve! And after you had graciously half-forgiven him. Surely Damian had not spilled the beans to his asshole brother. No. Jason probably found out by spying or some very nefarious plot. Why would he care anyway? Everyone else at this stupid school adored him. You were indulging his kid brother and helping him talk about his feelings. You were not in the wrong here. Jason was. And he was also far too close to you now. You don’t even know when he got so close. So close to one another that you could see every freckle. Every scar. Every pore on his gorgeous face. You were too close. And you knew you were flushing. You felt so hot. FROM REVITALISED LOATHING AND HATRED OF COURSE. Not from embarrassment. Or any other emotion. You steel your eyes. He would not know how much he affected you. Stupid smirking men do not get to win. You stand up straight and look him eye to eye. “Encourage Damian’s creativity. Your brother deserves more friends.” You dodge past Jason and grab your bag from under your desk. You motion for him to grab his shit. He does so and walks out, heading straight for the office to leave. Allowing you to lock up your classroom by yourself, in the empty school, not thinking about how close the two of you had been. Never thinking about his eyes or his hair or his lips. Peeling off his jumper and staring down the ugly brown coffee stain on your shirt, only thinking about the ways Jason had wronged you.

Dividers by @/cafekitsune

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi, love your work

I'm a trans girl, and I have something I'd like your help with.

I don't have any of the common sense that I would get from the life experience of being raised as a girl

I'm worried that I'll end up in a dangerous situation because I was oblivious to the risks.

thank you! thanks for stopping by, that's actually a really great thing to ask about! you definitely want to know what you're possibly getting into when it comes to other people treating you. you want to know what to expect and that's good! women have it hard and people can be very invasive

i was raised/socialized as a girl/woman before i transitioned so i can give a bit of insight, since i've been there too. these are just a few tips, it's not a comprehensive list, nor is it in any particular order. just some things to keep in mind!

Safety & General Advice Tips for Trans Women:

First and foremost, try to not let too much of this stress get to you at once. At the end of the day, womanhood can be an extremely varied experience, so your mileage will vary with a lot of these. Try not to get too wrapped up in feeling paranoid of strangers if possible, while there are strangers who can potentially want to hurt you, there are also those who are minding their own business or even support you. It's definitely okay to have your guard up, but it may affect your mental health greatly if you are starting to feel endangered by most people around you.

It's good to be informed, alert and aware, but if it starts getting to a point where the way you feel about strangers is making your quality of life worse, it may be a good idea to take the time to focus on yourself and those who love you to remind you that womanhood isn't always miserable, even though it can feel like it at times. There will still be good moments, whether you're by yourself or with friends, that you can cherish to help alleviate some of the pain that cisheteronormative patriarchy can cause.

You may notice after you come out to others that they start talking down to you, condescending to you, doubting your emotions and experiences, downplaying your struggles, or even being rude and mean about things they weren't that way about before. People have a lot of internalized misogyny and tend to compulsively begin treating a woman or someone they perceive to be a woman like they're incapable of thinking for themselves. This is really common, so if this starts happening to you, try not to let it get to you. You're not too dumb to think for yourself.

People may start to doubt your capability at your job, if you are employed. You may notice a huge shift in respect and how your customers and clients treat you, especially if you work in a male dominated field. People may ask to talk to your cis man/cis man passing coworkers instead of you and it's okay to get angry about this. You may get paid less than your cishet man/cishet man passing coworkers as well and it's okay to be angry about this, too.

Come out slowly so you can adjust and gauge how the people in your life will treat you. When coming out at first, stick to very close friends and family members you have a good relationship with. You can take this as slow or as quickly as you want. But when you're first coming out and unsure of yourself, you don't have to overwhelm yourself by telling the entire world right out of the gates if you don't want to. You can take it at your own pace.

It's up to you whether or not you want to pass as a woman, either in your personal or public life. If you don't want to pass or just don't want to try, that's okay. If passing is vital to your mental health and how you want to be seen, that's also okay. You're allowed to decide how you present and appear. Keeping your safety in mind is also super important, so if you feel the stress of trying to pass as a woman would be too much or even dangerous for you to do so, it's okay to not try to pass. You're also allowed to "look trans," too.

Makeup can and does change how peoples' faces look drastically, so you may find that makeup can help you pass for safety or personal reasons. Even something as simple as eyeliner and mascara can change the way one's face looks. Highlighter & contour used on the cheeks, nose and brow can very much transform one's appearance, and if you have very visible stubble, you can utilize foundation and other products to help mask it when in public or around other people you need to pass for safety or personal reasons.

Most strangers in public generally think that long hair = woman. There are men and other people regardless of gender who wear their hair long, but for passing, safety, or personal reasons, long hair can drastically change how strangers see you.

Layers, flowy and loose fitting clothing help mask certain traits of the body, so if you feel insecure about how strangers perceive certain parts of your body, you may be able to obscure it from strangers' view by wearing a few layers or loose fitting clothes.

You may want to avoid taking long walks in dark places at night alone if possible. It is very much true that it can be unsafe to be out late at night- this can be regardless of your gender- but as a feminine person or woman, there is a genuine risk of being out late at night without someone else around, or being inside of a car. This is a little stereotypical to say, but it is a genuine danger.

If you're out in public and ever feel like someone is stalking or following you and you're alone, pull out your cell phone if you have one and pretend to take a phone call. Talk into your phone like you're speaking to another person, and if necessary, actually call someone else. Generally speaking, someone who wants to cause harm will not want there to be witnesses, especially not someone who can hear what's happening directly and can come over to the scene or call for emergency assistance. Put your best friends, family members and other emergency contacts on speed dial or favorite contacts if your phone has that kind of feature to make it even quicker and easier.

When meeting someone from a dating app, social media or other place online for the first time, do so in a public setting like a restaurant or other busy area where there are a lot of other people nearby to prevent potentially dangerous behaviors. Try to avoid meeting up with someone for the first time at your home when and where possible. Try to avoid giving out your exact location or address before you have interacted with someone in person.

Being in groups in public can drastically increase your safety levels, especially if those people are willing to stand up for you. It's also hard for people to get a close read on you if you are with a lot of other people. The more there are of you, the better.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to carry self defense tools just in case. That won't make you a violent person, looking out for your safety is crucial. It's okay to prepare for this kind of thing.

You may find that people suddenly start being needlessly sexual toward you, or sexualize your womanhood without you telling them you enjoy that kind of thing first. People may shift their view on how they feel about you and become aggressively sexual. You are not obligated to accept that if it makes you uncomfortable.

You may find that people start to doubt your physical strength and capability for no real reason.

Trans chasers do exist, though they're not every person who's attracted to trans women. Chasers will usually focus very hard on the things that make you "non passing" to them, to the point where it makes you feel very uncomfortable because you no longer feel as though you are being viewed as a person, but rather, a sexual object that fascinates them. They may also use hurtful slurs and humiliating language toward you without your consent.

I know people say this a lot but it's true, public bathrooms can be dangerous, so it's best to stay cautious when entering one. Wear a face mask if possible inside to help people mind their own business. Avoid conversation if possible. Looking nervous may draw some attention, so keeping a cool head and focusing on the task at hand can help in some situations.

You do not have to feel ashamed of your voice, but if you're noticing people getting caught up on your voice, you can do some vocal training, or choose to speak in shorter, more concise sentences and utilize body language around those people, or both. You don't have to completely silence yourself as you deserve to speak up for yourself, but using more body language may help you have an easier time with strangers who are or may become caught up on how your voice sounds. There are all kinds if women with deep voices, but some people do focus on this.

Women's support groups and spaces can potentially be very welcoming, or very hostile depending on the people involved. There are women's spaces who accept trans women, but there are also those who do not. Try not to feel too bad on yourself if you find these spaces do not accept you, because it says nothing about you and everything about that space.

It's good to have friends, lovers and family who are also women, but cis women in particular are not always inherently safe to be around and can harm you. If you feel like the cis women around you are hurting you, you're allowed to say that they are. Cis women can be great allies and friends, but they are not inherently safer to be around than any other gender. You do not have to tell yourself they are not hurting you because women can't hurt each other. You do not have to convince yourself the pain isn't real because women are incapable of harming others. If you feel as though the cis women in your life are treating you badly, it's okay to talk about it and validate yourself in that you can genuinely be harmed by cis women and you do not have to downplay any of that pain whatsoever.

If you notice a lot of these things happening to you, It's more than okay to be angry at the shitty behaviors people may start showing you as a trans woman. It's okay to feel anger towards those actions and how people look down on women. It's okay to express your pain. It's okay to express worry and concern. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to not know what to do at first or in certain situations. It's okay to take a while to adjust to how people are treating you if it changes. As long as one doesn't direct that anger at people who haven't hurt them, there is nothing wrong with any of this.

now you may have a totally different experience depending on the people around you. there's no way to know exactly how people will treat you after coming out, so take things step by step, day by day. for your own mental health, try not to let yourself get too caught up in these things. it's great that you want to look out for potential danger! it's a very real issue, but your mental health is also super important and if you find that all you can think about is being in danger, you definitely deserve to find ways to alleviate that stress. take care of yourself when and where possible to make the experience more enjoyable.

tailor your experience in your home and personal life as much as you can to your liking. being out in public can be dangerous and scary, but you do deserve to be out somewhere, even if it's when it's just you alone in your room, talking to your friends. women, especially trans women, can be in a lot of potential danger at all times, but don't let yourself get consumed by fear all the time, as you deserve quality of life and you deserve to feel proud and euphoric about being a trans girl. you deserve validation and kindness. you deserve to feel good about yourself as a trans girl at some point, you don't have to go without that because cishet patriarchal society can be dangerous and hard.

i hope you find this even remotely helpful, i may not have been as informative as i'd like to be, but take care of yourself, okay? it's very good to want to learn the risks of what can potentially happen in society and being a woman in public. others are more than welcome to pitch in as well, please do so if you have tips & suggestions for this anon! take care for now, be good to yourself and remember that there's nothing wrong with being a woman, especially a trans woman. the people who don't like you don't define you: you do. you don't have to listen to them. they don't know who you really are.

[quandlesannees]

This is a classic terf -exclusionary rad-fem as well as a DARVO response, and I'll break down why (but I do admire your exclamatory language and usage of the thesaurus! ):

a) Didn't say you called me a man. I am a cisgender woman (therefore to you the most Woman TM a woman can be), have a degree in gender studies, something you conveniently left out, which means that, even though you don't like it, I've read my stuff and an accredited university gave my "pretentious asshat"-self a degree that makes me a literal expert in the field you claim to operate from by the technical definition of the word. Just as it is a classic Zionist response to claim that people who do not support Zionism are anti-semitic, so is it the rad-fem's immediate response to claim that anyone who disagrees with their opinion is a misogynist. Again, you're making real feminists look bad. Also, imagine being a misogynist in a doctorate level Gender Studies discipline hahahahaha. It's like having a creationist in evolutionary science or a flat-earther in geology. That would be hard AF.

Incidentally, I'm curious: what precisely is self-important in my post about Gaiman? Where did I mention myself at all except to say I explained to a friend? Is it because I used words that are very big for Elmo and you got defensive? As a Master's student, you should be fine.

If you had actually read your Andrea Dworkin, as you claim you have on your blog, then you'd know she actually was a trans ally, both in practice and theory :

I can also refer you to some of her theory if you'd like. I'm sure you're a fan because she was a Zionist though, hence the highlighted emphasis.

b) My father's family is Palestinian and my mom is Italian-Jewish, so you've struck out once more with these weird accusations (Classic DARVO). Where did I say any of these things you're accusing? You're floundering, babe. Israel stole land from Palestine the same way that Europeans stole land from Native Americans (a cause I'm sure you're supportive of, as intersectional rad-fems were), and England stole it from Ireland. But ok, to analyze your words, let's do it. In your posts, you refer to Palestinians as Hamas (as a unit) and claim that Zionists have a right to Israel, by definition, this makes you a Zionist.

The classic definition of Zionism as proposed by Gorny 1987, Shapira 1992, and Slater 2020 (among many) is the claim that Jews had a historical right to the land which outweighed the rights of the Arabs to their native land. As a result, Zionist jews have a moral responsibility to enact settler colonialism at the expense of the Palestinians, and other Arabs as we now see with Lebanon. Israeli historian Yosef Gorny argues that the establishment of a Jewish demographic majority is a foundational aspect of Zionism and depends uniquely on expelling Arabs (Gorny 1987): "[T}he desire for a Jewish majority was the key issue in the implementation of Zionism, implying a basic change in the international standing of the Jewish people and marking a turning-point in their history. The significance of this demand, and of the untiring endeavour to realize it in various ways, lay in the annulling of the majority standing of the Arabs of Palestine. The roots of the Jewish-Arab confrontation, therefore, are embedded in the incessant process of disturbance of the status quo ante as regards national status in Palestine." The Zionist cause is defined by a reduction of Palestinian identity as a means to define itself, both socially and biologically. One cannot be a Zionist and like Palestinians. It is oil and water. That's like saying someone loves fascism but supports women and minorities.... According to Israeli historian Simha Flapan, the view expressed by the proclamation "there was no such thing as Palestinians" is a cornerstone of modern Zionist policy and has affected many Israeli laws (Flapan 1979).

You've written in a former blog post (that is your 'solution' to the conflict, supposedly) that Palestinians need to create a "secular government". Israel is not considered a secular state by the technical definition, so I'm assuming in your two-state solution towards the act of settler colonialism, Israel should give up faith in government? Is that acceptable to you? ("Israel is consequently an ethno-national state that is not a secular state". (Guy Ben-Porat, Bryan S. Turner. The Contradictions of Israeli Citizenship: Land, Religion, and State. Routledge, 2011. p. 12) and "Israel cannot be considered a secular state" in Sebastián Cote Pabón, Secularism and Democracy in Israel: Military Service as Case Study. Middle East Policy, Vol. XXVI, N°3. 2019. p. 1.) You also say: "I would expect no objection from Israel (or little objection) since this is what they want and it is Palestine that has rejected statehood." Ah yes? Is that why Israel’s Knesset voted to reject Palestinian statehood on July 18th, 2024? (https://edition.cnn.com/2024/07/18/middleeast/israel-us-biden-knesset-vote-palestinian-state-intl/index.html)

You're so far up Israel's genocidal arse, that you're practically a settler colonialist of Netanyahu's intestinal tract.

However, since you care so much about National Socialism and Zionism, feel free to take this quiz to figure out which hate-fueled political party said which genocidal quote about which hated ethnic minority (it's much harder to discern than you'd think): https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd1c-_56yYGTJNit_GjUB-th5C8M4SKapOibN8vsmicakWNCA/viewform

c) If you had a Master's in science then I'm sure you would know how to write and argue a lot better than you have (due to having to write and argue the thesis), as well as learn to not be as reactionary and attack-oriented as you are. For example, I'm sure you'd have a much better mastery of hyphen usage. Also you tend to start sentences with "Do you hate XYC enough to [insert bad faith argument here]??????" This is not an argument. It's you being inflamed and attacking with an explosion of anger, not because you care, but because you enjoy getting angry for anger's sake in the name of claiming moral superiority. Perhaps you should have taken more rhetoric courses. This once more proves you are a performative feminist of which I've warned in my original post.

If this is the future of science, then I am worried. Do they teach you in your Master's classes how to to argue with someone by saying they should have been aborted? I am a professor at a university and I'd be ashamed if you were my student and this was how you were acting out in the world. Given that you're a rad-fem and they're historically active on the topic, I'm getting the vibe that you're quite sensitive, caring, and thoughtful to the history of abortion. You're clearly so kind and understanding to rape victims in the flesh, of which we have evidence here right now. Do you tell other rape victims they should get aborted too? You act so strongly from a well-informed place of kindness.

Also, what is Judith Butler's ilk? Gender-affirmative theorists, maybe....?

d) Girl.... you're literally making this a bad faith conversation because you have not a leg to stand on. You just admitted that you just cherry-picked to get something you could be mad at because I said your post was vaguely disingenuous. Big yikes.

Since you're a TERF, I believe you rose to the occasion for the sole purpose of protecting fellow TERF JK Rowling and not because you care about rape victims (clearly), women's rights, or the horror that Gaiman has inflicted on vulnerable people. Hence why you're so upset.

JK Rowling is different but also bad because of the following:

JK Rowling has enabled rapists to continue their abuse by hiring them (Gary Oldman is only one example). Where was her outrage when Oldman hit his former wife in the face with a phone? Or when Johnny Depp abused Amber Heard? This is especially sad because Rowling herself is a victim of domestic abuse. She cares about women when it's convenient and she can use them as a tool for her agenda. In a different way, this is similar to Gaiman, who only cared about women's rights to lure vulnerable women to him. They are performative but reveal their real colors when pressed.

She also praised your favorite REAL anti-semite, Elon Musk, and, with him, has harassed and led a campaign against respected athlete Imane Khelif, because she (an Arab) was better than her white European opponent and didn't look like a delicate, fragile white woman. Therefore, she led a campaign of harassment that made Khelif's life hell during a time of great success in her career.

She has also enacted indirect violence by donating to terf agencies (https://www.outfrontmagazine.com/jk-rowling-donates-to-anti-trans-organization/; https://www.scottishdailyexpress.co.uk/news/scottish-news/proud-jk-rowling-donates-70k-32149025), which actively harm trans people by denying them healthcare, legal protections, and the sheer dignity of life. This is an active form of hatred because she is funding these efforts with money that is used to hurt people. If we can follow the train, she is hurting people, albeit more indirectly.

Did JK rape someone? Not that we know of! Does she actively use her money and influence to enact realized and active legal, medical, and social harm against a group that she decided she hates and must eliminate? A group that has one of the lowest life expectancies because of suicide and homicide, as well as poverty risk factors? A group in which the suicide rate was 6.8 times higher for transgender women than cisgender women? Absolutely yes!

Am I pretentious? Maybe. Am I an asshat? Potentially. Am I an anti-semite? That would be hard considering my mom is Jewish and I went to the synagogue earlier (maybe I should ask my rabbi). Am I (and my lovely mother) anti-Zionist? Abso-fucking-lutely. I'll wear my anti-Zionism with pride.

Stop using women as tools to further your Zionist and TERF agendas.

Tl;dr for everyone except this silly goose:

Looking back, it's insane how spoiled we were by J. K. Rowling's unmasking.

The signs WERE all there from the beginning, from interviews to her personal life to the work itself. So when the mask finally came off for good, our eyes were shot open to all the red flags.

And a lot of folks keep expecting that same revelation every single time another beloved artist turns out to be a bastard. But here's the thing; Rowling is an outlier. Most predators are nowhere near as unsubtle. And everyone telling you all these "solutions" to make sure you don't get hurt again are in willful denial of this

"Don't trust charming people", "don't trust people who declare themselves allies of this or that cause", "charisma is a red flag". All of that may be true, but lemme tell ya - it won't save you.

Because here's the uncomfortable truth: there were zero signs. I followed Gaiman for years, both with his work and here on tumblr. Never noticed a single red flag - and looking back, I can't think of a single sign. And the same can be said for all of you.

It is possible to commit no errors and still lose.

[acciocriativity]

->You're hyper independent || Ateez Reactions || Maknae Line

Genre: fluff, angst for Jongho’s part, slice of life AU

Warnings: mentions of relatives' death on Mingi’s part; mentions overworking, lack of self care and unhealthy perfectionism on San’s part; this IS more heavy in general than the first part, I'm so sorry. I don't incentivize any of the behaviors depicted in this.

N/A: This is a very real trauma response that real people have. However, I tried to keep it light, humorous, and focus on the support and love the reader received from the boys in different contexts instead of the actual trauma triggering situation that cause the trauma response. If I, in any way, offend people who have this trauma response, I'm open to learning and editing this, if necessary.

N/A ²: This is a gender neutral! reader in all of them, but Mingi’s part.

Ateez Masterlist

Hyung Line version

Choi San (최산): He’ll take care of you, whether you like it or not

Choi San wasn’t your husband, yet at least. The engagement talk was at its peak, and you knew a proposal wasn’t far off. Still, if any of your friends saw the two of you on a normal day, they’d ask where you found such an amazing house husband, and you wouldn’t be able to respond. He wasn’t your house husband, nothing against it, but you wouldn’t be able to be with a man that hadn’t the same ambition with his work as you did. Well, maybe San didn’t have this hunger to be at the top like you, but he was determined and passionate, striving to be his best every day and finding new ways to grow, and that was enough for you.

Although he had his own fair share of work schedule, his work from home was flexible and task-based rather than time-based, so with his efficiency, he managed to have more free time than you. This led to your current arrangement. It was rare for you to be at home if it wasn’t on a weekend, so it was a seamless transition for him to live with you and contribute a bigger portion of house labor. His presence was something dangerous because you started to think about what you would do without him in your life. He added instead of subtracting from your energy and time, which sometimes seemed like a surreal dream.

You had a full-time job, a good apartment, a car, and a whole social life you had to manage. There was so much you wanted to do with your life, with your free time, that you were used to the feeling of being hungry throughout the day or dizziness from the lack of hydration. The only way you managed to rest was when you were asleep. Otherwise, you felt like you were losing time. This was your normal day-to-day self, what you were used to, and yes, you knew it was bad.

When you met San, your health was at its lowest. It was normal for him to be worried, and your friends and family were. But he was the one that took action, a man you barely knew at the time. All his attempts were kindly rejected by you, and then you hated the thought of him, of all people, helping you. Not only you didn’t need it, but you’d hate to be a bother.

But San was as stubborn as he was beautiful. He reminded you religiously to drink water, cooked healthy meals for you even on weekends, bought groceries for you when you didn’t have the time for so many weeks you were truly embarrassed by yourself, took care of your plants when you were away on work trips and so much more.

It was all so weird. You constantly waited for the other shoe to drop. For the time when he’d be tired of this constant routine of caring for you. Your toxic self was waiting for the confirmation that you were too much for anyone to handle, that nobody could be with you and keep up, that you were the problem and that was the reason you could never be in a relationship for long.

But San proved you wrong, again and again, and you couldn’t even be mad at him for it.

Song Mingi (송민기): Turns out, he’s not just a silly little guy

Mingi was your younger brother best friend, and there were times you hated him for it. As the elder daughter, you took on the biggest load of everything in your house up until you left for college in another state. Until that moment, you had to be silent and grateful about it all. There was no throwing yourself on the ground to get your way or crying yourself out of your “duties”, which included but not limited to cooking all the meals for yourself and your brother, making the grocery store list and buying everything yourself once you were old enough, cleaning the entire house yourself, which wasn’t the initial agreement, and babysitting your brother 24/7 and his friends when they were over, which was almost every single day. So clearly, there was a lot on your plate, nothing a child should have on theirs. But why did you hate Mingi in specific? He wasn’t mean, but he thought it was funny to break rules, to do what your parents told they couldn’t and he got away with it while the blame fell on you. Not once, not twice.

In Mingi’s defense, he didn’t know actions had consequences at the time, he was 6 and a spoiled only child, also, he felt really shitty when your brother told him your parents punished you for some of the stuff they did later, but he thought it was too late. After two decades and something passed, somehow, you still saw him as the same irresponsible boy that got you into trouble. Mind you, he kind of never left your life completely, he was in bedded in the family’s stories, in the corner of the photos, in the little small get together that were family only, but he was never close to you. That’d be quite the impossible mission since you looked like you hated his guts.

But when the worst time of your life came, so did his redemption arc. Your grandma got really sick, and the whole family was in shambles, but somehow, you were the one expected to make the bigger sacrifices. Most of your relatives live far away, some out of the country and although your mom moved in with you, her health wasn't in an ideal condition to take care of someone else, which was already another problem and another whole set of eggs for you to be careful not to step on. It was only you in this, at least, you thought so until Mingi showed up on your doorstep, ready to help. It concerned you, but your position didn't allow you to turn him down. To your surprise, Mingi helped with a lot. Since he never moved away from his family home, he managed to help daily with meal prepping, groceries shopping, and the house up-keeping. No one really asked him to step up like that. Not even your own brother did this much after a week, yet he was by your side through it all.

A lot of the weight was off your back before you realized it. It was a weird sensation, but you were truly thankful for him, and you wanted to find a way to let him know. After an entire month, your relationship with Mingi was still stiff and awkward, yet you began to appreciate it for what it was, and maybe, someday, it'd be a work in progress.

Jeong Wooyoung (정우영): You may call him a wrecking ball

It seems like he has been paying for all his sins ahead of time because why does he have to love such difficult people? *dramatic sigh*. Ok, that was a lie. He didn’t care you weren’t the best with physical affection, you walked around like that wasn’t a thing at all, but that’s OK, because he’s affectionate enough for the both of you.

You had pretty established boundaries, more like a steel wall around you that people couldn’t go through. While Wooyoung…, yeah. It was a weird kind of friendship at first, if he could call a friendship. He was a work colleague, but somehow, he saw right through your tough act on day one, unlike everyone else. You tended to put a good distance in your every relationship unintentionally, too focused on your work to pay attention on small talk or the gossip of the day, but others saw it as a lack of interest in their friendship, which wasn’t true. You were as interested in them as you were scared of them.

Although it wasn’t possible for Wooyoung to know the in’s and out’s of your mind, he saw your unintentional push and pull game in those subtle ways. Whenever you tried to be closer to people in your own way, the effort wasn’t reciprocated until the point you’d take the hint. It was too late. You managed to scare them away again.

If anyone would ask him why he tried so hard to befriend you, he’d lie and say he didn’t have to try at all, you fell for his charms in an instant. But if he were to be honest, he’d say he saw a part of himself in you. In his eyes, you weren’t cold, nor uptight and mean. You just didn’t give love to others in an open way. This didn’t mean you didn’t have any to give or that you aren’t able to feel it. His running theory was that you were his exact opposite, and he couldn’t just live you be without helping you out or, at least, try.

The moment he got to crack a small piece of your wall, when he wasn’t even trying to, he was determined to see more. And oh boy, didn’t he see it? Now, this may be ridiculous, but he felt honored when you let him step into your world as a whole, no judgment, only him trying to understand you as a person. It warmed his heart that he got to be someone important in your life as much as you were on his.

If anyone that work along side the both of you saw you two today, years later, they wouldn’t believe it. But here you are, pretending you don’t like his weekly hugs spree while you don’t move a single muscle to get him off you. Isn’t it funny how things change? Hm? What was this, oh, you said you feel like laying down on the couch now, so you wouldn’t move? OK, he’d let you have that excuse for now.

Choi Jongho (최종호): he was your missing piece. Now you only miss him

To see him in a situation like this made you consider hysterically laughing until the moment your brain forgets where you are and you don’t care anymore. That must be a nice feeling, one you never really felt without him. Like you, he was dressed up for the weeding ceremony of your friend in common and you felt dumb, first, because you swore you’d only attend if there was no possibility of him coming, he was supposed to be out of the country and second, because he didn’t spare you another look.

Your breakup was amicable and mutual. With both of your lives ascending, the distance grew, physically and emotionally. There was no ease and stress-free conversations, suddenly you couldn’t relate to each other anymore and what was the point to be with him when the only thing you wanted to do on your break was rot in bed instead of seeing him? You had no energy to spare, and neither did him.

Why do you still care, then?

Because he was perfect for you, at least at some point, in every sense of the word. He saw you and didn’t judge, didn’t try to change who you was, instead he slowly but surely helped you adapt into a new routine with him in it. It was livelier and brighter when he was around.

The moment he left, you noticed that you just lived the happiest years of your life, and there was no coming back from it. You didn’t even attempt to talk once more, Jongho was like you in the sense that he carefully decided who stayed on his life and who didn’t, you moved to the latter, but you were the one that moved him out of yours first, weren’t you?

Your time management improved after all, but it let you down when it mattered the most. So, you tortured yourself a bit more, watching him and wondering what was going through his mind and if that had anything to do with you.

Jongho saw you the moment he walked in, but he pretended not to for his own sake. Although he'd never admit it out loud, to greet an ex at a weeding was above his maturity level. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Of course, you looked..., and of course, you'd have a date with you, but that didn't mean he had to see you two together, right? His solution was to stay away from you as far as he could. However, to accomplish such things, he'd have to be aware of your whereabouts all night long.

His self-control and straightforward priorities were some of his best qualities. He managed the need to stalk you on his worst days back then, so he never got to see how you were doing. At that moment, he could tell you were doing your best to be fine, to look perfect, but he used to know you better than that facade. Sometimes, he wondered if you regretted as much as he did.

[atalana]

so i'm thinking about dancing through life, and that interlude between glinda and elphaba, and specifically how in the movie they make a point to draw the audience attention (the audience who is following glinda's perspective) to elphie's magic books

and it seems like a minorly odd detail to put in there, given how the only relevance they have to elphaba's side of this song is that she has a magic teacher she can ask a favour from, which isn't news to anyone

but glinda specifically looks at those books before she says anything to elphaba, and she also has this look after giving her the hat, like it's a decision she already partially regrets

and i think, as much as glinda does profess to hate elphie at this point in the story, and as much as she seems to be doing this just to get one over on her, i don't think that's the case at all

i think she was partially talked into the prank by her friends, who definitely encourage her to put on her usual the world revolves around me social mask, but i think she justified that decision to herself with the reasoning "well elphaba's my favourite teacher's favourite student, she has everything i want, i should take her down a peg", as the magic books remind her

she clearly already cared about elphie in some form, or she wouldn't have regretted it at all, but she thought that made them even

until elphaba turned the entire thing on its head by freely offering glinda everything she wanted, everything she thought elphaba had been spitefully keeping from her

and that's when she realises she can't actually knock elphaba down a peg, bc there's nowhere lower to go. glinda has everything and elphie has nothing, and elphaba just gave up the one thing she had, because she thought glinda deserved to share it with her

so glinda whose entire life has been about collecting social power, who knows exactly what she has and what it takes to hold onto it, she gives that up at the ozdust too. because elphaba deserves to share it with her

[jareaul0ver]

I love you, I'm Sorry

wc: 978 warnings: angsty but a happy ending! pairings: nika muhl x fem!reader

A/N: omg im actually posting?? don't get used to this i go back to school soon and probably wont post anything til either spring break or the summer

Two Years Ago

You were pacing around your apartment, waiting for Nika to come over like she said she would.

Nika's been your unofficial girlfriend for a while, but you never put a label on what you had.

But she was leaving for the W soon, and you either wanted all or nothing with her.

A few minutes into your pacing, there was a knock on the door. You walked over and opened it, seeing Nika's smiling face. "You wanted to talk?" She said.

You nodded and invited her in. "Do you want anything to drink? Coffee or tea?"

Nika shook her head and sat down on your couch. "I'm okay, thank you."

A small sigh left your body as you went over and sat down, leaving a bit of space between the two of you just in case everything went south.

"What's this about?" She asked cautiously.

You took a deep breath and leaned back into the couch a little. "You're leaving soon, and-"

"That doesn't mean this has to end, if that's where you're going with this," Nika interjected.

A small frustrated sigh left your lips. "What even is this, Nika? Are we girlfriends? Or just casually fucking?" She stayed silent and you just scoffed. "It's your choice, either we put a label on this, or I'm done."

The last thing Nika wanted was to completely lose you, but she didn't like the ultimatum you were giving her. "That's not fair, I need to focus on basketball-"

"And just lead me on the whole time? Have me thinking we could be something more, even though we never will be?" You tried to keep your voice steady, but it was getting difficult.

She sighed and stood up. "I- I'm sorry, but I can't do this," she said before grabbing her things and walking to the door.

You stood up and watched her. She was so ready to leave, no hesitation. "So that's it then? You're just leaving?"

Nika's jaw twitched and she stared at you for a moment. "I"m sorry," she mumbled before opening the door and leaving, letting it close behind her.

You forced your eyes away from the door and looked out the window, watching the May atmosphere warming up the world, but it felt so cold in your apartment without Nika.

It hadn't been that long since Nika left for the W, and everyone already loved her. She charmed everyone she met, other players, fans, the media.

It's like she trained herself, got lessons on how to be a people person. She never was before. She was always polite, but kept to herself.

Except around you. You always were able to break down her walls and see what was really going on with her, how she really was.

But now you see this people pleaser on TV and social media, and all you can do is complain to your friends about it.

Two Summers from Now

After a while, you had managed to get over Nika. Well, more so over what happened with her.

You'd always have a soft spot for the girl, she saw you and supported you at your worst, and you could never stop loving her because of it.

It was ironic. You were about to head out to Seattle to visit some friends, and Nika was about to get on a plane back to Storrs to see her friends.

At this moment, you broke no contact with her. You sent her a text, hoping she didn't have you blocked, or that she didn't change her number.

You were a little surprised to see an answer from her short after you sent the message. The two of you ended up talking about life, realizing that just maybe, you could be cool with her.

She gave you some advice about Seattle, and you let her know how excited the other UConn girls would be to see her again.

The next few days went by in a blur. You were in Seattle, taking in the scenery, leaning out the window of your hotel and having a drink.

I love you, I'm Sorry

You were still in Seattle. You didn't realize that Nika had messaged your friends, asking what hotel you were at and your room number.

She came back early, and she wanted needed to see you before you left. She wanted to attempt to fix things.

Nika's feelings for you never left. She knew that she reacted badly when you told her what you wanted, and she wasn't sure that she could forgive herself for walking away so easily.

But she at least needed you to know that she still loved you.

At about 10pm that night, there was a knock on your hotel door. You looked over in confusion before getting up from your bed and walking over.

You opened the door, and it was like everything from the past few years came flooding back. "Nika?" You invited her inside. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to say sorry for everything. For the way I reacted back then, I was a dick about it, and you didn't deserver any of it," she said.

You were speechless, so she took it as her que to keep going. "I was the worst, and every time I go for a drive I think about the ones we used to take to clear our heads. I swear, it haunts me-" She cleared her through.

"Nika-" You said, but she cut you off.

"I still love you, I'm sorry." The words fell from her lips so effortlessly, you couldn't help but want to give in and see where it led.

So you did. You caved and rushed up to her, pressing your lips against hers.

It lasted for a few seconds before you rested your forehead against hers. "I love you, and I'm sorry, too."

[adelidae]

If you had to pick which one social media to use for the rest of your life which would it be?

they all kind of suck LOL but id probably end up saying like discord (until a better alternative comes along ofc) or something because thats where all my dms with my friends are :] i wouldnt say i have a particular loyalty to any social media site though, not like i used to when i was younger

2. What game would u never get tired of playing?

hm. im not sure actually. i tend to rotate through games and if ive played them once i find it hard to replay. so maybe none?

3. kiss marry kill: the grinch, dr robotnik and the lorax

i said this before but i would feel bad killing any of them :[ maybe id kiss the lorax and marry robotnik.

4. which one of your ocs has the most of your personal characteristics?

difficult question because i think that would be easier for someone else to answer rather than me. maybe teo? but not in the ways you would think given what you know about him

5. which oc or fictional character would u pick to exist in real life?

ummmm um ummmmm. let me think. how about scorpia she ra. i think she'd have fun in real life.

6. What song would you pick to play in your funeral?

fuckk idk. maybe take care by sasami. thats a very comforting song for me

7. What's your first impression of me :3c

THATS MY FRAND!!!! hi :]

8. What media fuels your creativity the most?

hmm. reading a good book or webcomic will always inspire me i think. i really dont do that enough <- guy who reads slop to pass the time

9. If we were to hang out irl what would ideally be the best environment or activity for it?

good question. im really bad at figuring out that kind of stuff. probably just hanging out i think. with some snacks :] just chilling at a house

10. Name your five favourite things about meeeeeeeeee :3333

ok (taps chin) let me pick just 5 - you are very knowledgeable about things i have never heard of so i feel like i learn new stuff whenevr we chat

you come across as very confident in the things you enjoy and talk about which inspires me to be more like that about the things i like

your art is so lovely and has so much effort and care put into it, i always enjoy seeing it

i like your ocs!! they're still fairly new but i look forward to hearing more about them and learning about their personalities/dynamics :] i also just think they're cool in general hehe

and my final favourite thing is that you're my friend!! yayyy :] it makes me happy to remember this

thank u for the tag!

Ten questions to ask a mutual

Instructions: prev asks ten questions and you answer them, then ask ten new ones and tag ten people to keep the chain going! I’ll go first

What is the weirdest thing you’ve eaten? (For me it’s the time I accidentally drank ants)

do you like purple or green more? (For me it’s a 50/50 I love them both)

what is your favorite two color color combo? (For me it’s purple and gold)

are you a cat or dog person? (Dogs 100%)

what is your favorite painting (Miranda by John William Waterhouse)

Mountains or beaches? (Mountains)

what’s your favorite dessert? (Lemon bars)

are you right or left handed? (Right but I used to be left handed)

salty or sweet? (Sweet)

summer or winter? (Winter)

I’m tagging 11 people but it’s whatever

@wra1th-k1ng

@bladevoyager

@tragedyanddust

@kindred-spirit-93

@urfavgreekmythnerd

@sickneurotic

@ry-diggity

@we-are-but-dead-stars

@thestarryfalls

@tamaruaart

@hermesmoly

[sungiescheotluv]

champagne supernova ⭑.ᐟ park jisung

pairing: park jisung x gender neutral reader

word count: 4.2k

tags/warnings: fluff, friends to lovers, emo(ish) jisung, non-idol au.

summary: making friends as an adult is difficult. luckily for you, the rock/alternative online community welcomes you with open arms, one person in particular catching your interest.

notes: hi thereee! 😁 back again with another jisung fic, one that i actually came up with myself lmao. since getting back into the dreamies, i've been a bit surprised by (but absolutely love) jisung's taste in music. hence this silly fic, which i do hope you enjoy! thank you so much for all your recent support, it makes my heart smile whenever you like or comment on a post! anyways, happy reading! much loveeeee! <3

The concept of internet safety is lost on you. How else could you explain sharing a hotel room with someone you’d never met before in real life? 

Perhaps, you should retrace your steps. See how you’ve managed to find yourself in such a dangerous position, the front door locked and your body pinned to the bed.

Making friends as an adult is difficult. On par with counting every grain of rice in a field, you’d say.

You underestimated how easy maintaining friendship was when younger, third places like school, daycares, extra-curricular activities demanding your presence, inadvertently strengthening your social life. Not that you were the most social, you had a hard time approaching people actually, but maybe that was a part of your charm. Bringing you out of your shell, like all your friends did before your bond was cemented in tree trunks or sandy beaches. University is the last place you take this ease for granted, exposed to all different kinds of people and relationships, some platonic and not-so much. Either way, despite the barge of assignments and countless nights out, you’d make it into adulthood relatively unscathed.

Adulthood, however, doesn’t turn out as you expect. You’d been sold a dream, one eight-year old you envisioned dabbling with the stars accompanied by a lavish life and all the ice-cream you could get your hands on. Unfortunately, no star would be rubbing shoulders with you anytime soon and any that would, you’d have to pay a large sum of money to even see. A large sum you did not have. So, yeah. Just that, toxic work culture, endless bills and a whole host of other obligations linger above your head like a grey cloud.

What helps is finding the small joys in life. Slow mornings when the city is asleep, the scent of coffee at the crack of dawn, the sunshine against your skin, friends who despite their busy schedules carve out time to see you. All pieces of your life that make it worth living. Music is in there too, the art of melodies and lyrics strung together having the strange ability to carry you throughout even your worst days.

Your moods refuse to stick to a certain genre and in the midst of dark afternoons and frost covered roads, you find yourself gravitating towards alternative music. Slow, steady and aching. Like how your life moves with the severe lack of sun. It’s not a genre your circle of friends dabble in as much as you do. It’s to be expected, anyone who deviates from a standard of ‘normalcy’ was outcasted, one too many examples found in your high school days where kids got called weird and satanic for wearing a Green Day t-shirt to school. The thought makes you laugh now, but back then, when all that matters is fitting in, it was sad and suffocating. Seeing a part of yourself denied before your very eyes. Sometimes you’d hang out with those kids, bond over your collection of CDs and even go to a few gigs together. However, when Monday came around and they’d approach you and your friends, raving about the concert - you froze. Confronted into either owning yourself and being outcasted like the rest of the emo kids or ignoring them, deny yourself for the sake of social standing. 

You pretend like they’ve grown two heads, feigned confusion knitting your eyebrows together while your friends laugh and hurl insults at someone who you considered a friend - a better one than the ones at your side. And yet, you let the laughter continue, a coward with its tail between its legs as you depart, the taste of iron on your tongue.

Maybe this is payback for those poor decisions. A dead-end job, a successful but shitting ex and enough inner turmoil to make a therapist clutch their pearls. 

You abandon those friends when you get to university, getting better ones that wouldn’t make someone feel small due to their own insecurities. You make amends with the emo kids, your apology marking the true end of your friendship. You search online spaces for like-minded people, showing up as yourself and being embraced as. Everyone in the Reddit community is unbelievably sweet, sharing their music recommendations, concert wishlists and pictures of their cats. Some members, including yourself, form a closer bond, taking your conversation to a Discord server that becomes your escape in a way. A channel for heartfelt discussion that extends past your love for music. You’re not as active due to work obligations, but whenever you pop up, one member in particular always greets you with a warmth like no other. 

Linkin.parkjisung is his user, his icon the rock and roll hand sign over his face. Likes Blur, Green Day, Oasis and of course, Linkin Park. He’s like you, dips in and out, types a few responses before he’s gone again. It’s a scenario where other members grow closer, and your anxiety around speaking in the group begins. They’re already close, it seems almost futile to interrupt, right? 

What if you’re ignored? What if you’ve missed your window of opportunity? 

It’s a line of thinking that crosses your mind when you send in an apology for being inactive, moments later your phone pinging with a notification.

Linkin.parkjisung: no need to apologize! life gets busy for everyone, myself included. hope you’re doing ok (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ

Other group members echo his message, sending in their own real-life obligations that the group ends up bonding over, complaining of rising car insurance and overly demanding bosses. 

It’s the start of it all, really. That one message, a hand extended to yours that breaks you out of your shell and kick starts your friendship with Jisung. From that day onwards, you move more freely throughout the server, making good friends with everyone but better friends with Jisung. Somewhere down the line, you end up privately messaging each other. What starts out as simply giving each other music recommendations (since he apparently always loves the songs/artists you send into the server) becomes sneaking into the bathroom during a busy family reunion to call Jisung about how your grandmother wore a catsuit to impress her ex, your grandfather. You grow that close, no details spared on life events. How else is there space for secrecy when you’re video calling drunk, watching festival performances of Fontaines D.C.?

In any case, you’re close. You text everyday and call every week like clockwork, namely because you live some hours away from each other. During your calls, he’s shrouded in a low darkness, self conscious of the way he looks, he says. You’re unconvinced, slivers of his features in photos he sends you with his roommates’ three cats or on call saying otherwise. Regardless, you let it slide because Jisung becomes more than his face - he becomes a source of comfort, someone who makes you laugh as much as brings you calm, someone you slowly can’t imagine your days without. In hindsight, this is where your romantic feelings develop. And with convenient timing too because one of the bands you recommended to Jisung, Wunderhorse are on tour, set to perform in a city two hours from the both of you.

“Tickets are going onsale at 10 am on Thursday,” Jisung murmurs, the clicks of his cursor coming through your laptop speaker. “Remember to set your alarm.”

“Will do. Lemme set a remin-” opening up your calendar, you see an unwelcome surprise. “Fuck.”

“What’s up?” Jisung’s voice echoes with sincere concern.

“I forgot I have a shift that day,” you groan, already knowing by the time your lunch break came, the event would be sold out. “We’re understaffed as is, so there’s no way I can get someone to cover for me.”

A deep hum vibrates from Jisung’s chest, a few more clicks of his cursor sounding before he asks in a small voice. “Well, I could just get the tickets for us both.”

“You would?”

“Yeah, I’m meant to be working from home that day anyways. And not to flex, but my internet’s pretty decent.”

You laugh. “Is that for your job or your crippling gaming addiction?”

“A bit of both,” he chuckles back, the sound blooming a warmth of happiness in your chest. “Working in CompSci has its perks.”

“So, I’m finding out,” you smile, an underlying layer of discomfort shifting you against your desk chair. “Are you sure, though?”

“Of course. I’d hate if you lost out on this knowing I could’ve done something to help,” Jisung explains. “You were the one to introduce me to them anyways. Plus we’d have a better chance of sticking together in the pit if we get them together, right?”

You swallow a lump in your throat, something taking flight in your airy chest. “Yeah, you’re right. Just send me your bank details so I can transfer you the day of.”

“Coming right up!” he jokes, and you laugh, however lame he claims himself to be.

On Thursday, he sends you a photo of his solid black high-tech set-up, a PC he’s constructed himself with more monitors than you can count. The side of his face is included in the picture, silky black hair, a brown eye and a beauty mark on his cheekbone you dream of kissing later that night. You find out he secures the tickets on your lunch break, your debt towards him being booking the hotel you’d be staying at. Due to the limited funds you’re working with, you end up getting a shared room, an option that gives him pause before he agrees in a tremored voice. You’re a bit apprehensive yourself, but you booked for two beds, so it should be fine. If worst comes to worst, and something happens between you two – like him turning out to be a sexist neckbeard loser he couldn’t take no for an answer - you’d sleep in your car (or kick him out, actually). At any rate, you had options (and a friend tracking your live location).

In no time, weeks fly by and Wunderhorse drops their latest album. It’s the best thing you’ve experienced since sliced bread, an opinion Jisung shares as you two listen to it over call late one Friday night, speaking about your favourite songs amongst other things. You don’t know how it starts, perhaps it’s a lyric that sticks out to him that he mentions or something else entirely, but suddenly, you’re reminded of high school you. How deeply you wanted to be accepted by others, and how that satisfaction depended on the person you got it from. That you preferred conformity instead of individuality, because being seen with popular shallow kids meant something to you.

“I wasn’t a good person in high school,” you find yourself admitting, your body hollowed out with guilt. Regret like ash on your tongue. “I hurt people because I valued other people’s opinions over my own. I know I was young, but-”

“You said it yourself: you were young,” Jisung comments, the serious intent in his voice catching you off guard. “The fact you recognise your behaviour and feel remorse for it shows how much you’ve grown. I mean, high school can be very unforgiving because nobody really knows who they are or what the fuck they’re doing, so it’s only reasonably to make choices you may regret. What’s important, I think, is how you’ve chosen to move forward,”

“You said it yourself, you’ve apologised to those you hurt. Not many, if any person in your position, would do the same, which shows how much you genuinely care to make things right,” you sniff, vision blurring with tears of relief and sadness. “So, if you ask me, I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself. It’s all a learning curve, you were doing what was best to protect yourself then. And now, you’re a better and kinder person because of it.”

Another time you should’ve known you’d fallen for him. Yet, you remain none the wiser. All the way until concert day, getting off work early that Friday afternoon and making the journey down to the bright city lights of Seoul. Everything twinkles and dazzles, a 180 from your modest living in your hometown. You suppose your excitement for the concert has some role in this too, but considering the lack of vibrancy in your life, you allow yourself to sink your teeth into this. Feel the goosebumps against your skin, the lightness in your limbs and the uptake in your heartbeat.

You check into the hotel first since Jisung has a last-minute team meeting at work, setting yourself up on your side of the cosy room of wooden and white hues. As you slip on your Hello Kitty headband to do skincare, a knock rasps against the door, audible above the sound of your music.

With furrowed eyebrows, you approach the door, revealing a sight that stops your heart in its tracks.

On the other side of the door is who you should’ve expected: Jisung. What you don’t expect, however, is his sharp features, black smooth hair with matching formal clothing to contrast so beautifully with his porcelain skin. The dark, ocean blue contacts he wears with a pretty pink lip tint. Not to mention that beauty mark you’ve been thirsting over for the past few months? Yeah, that’s all in eye-view now, close enough to touch and it’s this fact that sends your brain into overdrive.

While you malfunction, Jisung dips his head, a large fist curled to his lips to hide his sheepish smile. Chuckles in a bit of an awkward and embarrassed way. 

Oh my god?!

“Nice to finally meet you,” he greets, black leather overnight bag clutched to his side. A fluffy blue and pink keychain of Little Twin Stars hangs off the zip, a cute juxtaposition to his intimidating outfit. And height. God, he really wasn’t lying when he said he was nearly 6 ft. 

“I texted you I’d arrived, but you hadn’t read them,”

A forceful blink out of your trance brings you back to reality, one where you’re not openly drooling over how handsome your internist best friend is. “Yeah, sorry. I was busy getting ready.”

“I figured so,” his eyes scan your clothes - your ripped baggy jeans, leather platform shoes amongst what you have on - and his lips curve, admiration in his eyes. “You look great.”

If there weren’t societal ideals of an inappropriate reaction to that compliment, you would’ve tattooed it to your forehead, or on your lower back. Maybe ripped off your shirt and kissed him before combusting because what do you mean, this very handsome man, thinks you look great?!

“Thank you,” you blush, your body running hot like a furnace. Even so, you decide to take advantage of the situation, leaning in for an embrace that he reciprocates as you mumble into his shoulder. “Nice to finally meet you too.”

The rest of the afternoon blurs, the few moments of scattered glances and awkward silence incomparable with the ease of conversation that flows between you once his favourite song, Poppy, comes on. Catching up to speed with each other’s day as you two get ready, it’s not lost on you how domestic the scene is - how familiar, or right it feels. Jisung, in all aspects of the word, is endearing - flustered by the compliments you send his way, brightening up at the new additions to the setlist and best of you, timid with pink cheeks when he hands over a ‘first meeting’ gift - an assortment of snacks, a Hello Kitty plushie and a card that makes you coo. It takes everything in you not to sink your teeth into him, overwhelmed by the sweetness that laces his actions and words, riding the high he and the music gives you as you make your way to the venue after you’re both finished.

Long lines snake around the arena, grey clouds permeating the area as rainfall clatters to the pavement. Jisung, ever so prepared, brings along an umbrella that you share, squeezing underneath so much you feel the warmth of Jisung through his bare, very defined bicep. How someone looks so good in a silver sequin top under a tattered sleeveless black vest is beyond you. Then again, him being single is beyond your comprehension too. Considering his calm and thoughtful demeanour, coupled with his good looks, you would’ve expected people lining up by the thousands to plead their case. However, whenever you two talked about this, he’d simply say his go-to phrase and change the topic, his phrase being:

“I’ve got my eye on someone. Just working up the courage to ask them out.”

Whoever managed to catch his eye, you’d thought to be lucky. Maybe they’d saved a small village in their past life because as people push when the doors open, Jisung shields you from any damage, reminding you how good of a romantic partner he could be. Especially so when you’re inside and he snaps all your photos, accompanying you to the bar and merch table where you get matching t-shirts before he keeps them with him so you’re free throughout the concert. Dimmed red lights and chatter fill the spacious hall, a flood of warm bodies surrounding you as you peer at the stage, the band all set up and ready to go come showtime. You sing along to the host of songs the venue plays beforehand, enough nudges in the shoulder to get Jisung to sing along and of course - of course - he has a beautiful voice too. At this point, you were convinced he either had a missing toe or had weird opinions about the order of cereal because the more you spent time with him, the more he shines in your eyes.

Eventually, the chatter dies down and all lights go off, screams rising through the crowd as Wunderhorse comes onto the stage. Buzzing at a frequency unheard of, you bounce off the balls of your feet, hand holding Jisung as you exclaim, “It’s them! It’s really them!”

Missing how flushed Jisung becomes at the contact, you sing with all your heart - offkey and all - to their opening song, Midas. The energy is through the roof, a dizzying world of flashing lights and music that retches the lyrics straight out of you. In a moment’s chance, Jisung and you turn to each other mid-song, smiles bright as the stage lights outline your damp faces, chest heaving with a mouthful of lyrics in their wake. It’s the happiest you’ve been, holding his hand like this, and as the night winds to simmer, you sway to slow songs and thank your lucky stars for finding your way back to this.

After the show, you two chatter with other adoring fans before trekking to your nearby hotel, stomachs growling for food. Jisung finds a great Chinese place that delivers until 2 am, a gesture you simper at, unaware he’d even remembered you’d liked the cuisine. At this point, you’re drained in the best possible way, a dull ache in your feet but riding a high of something you’ll remember forever. 

Now, you’re up to speed. Great. Let’s get back to your current dilemma.

Somehow, someway, your unlaced and stubborn platform shoes cause a stumble, one that Jisung tries to save you from but ends up caught in the mix. How, you might ask? Well, you’re not entirely sure but what you definitely know is that you’ve fallen on one of the beds, Jisung’s body caging yours as he braces his own fall. Face-to-face. With you.

Ok.

You’re close enough to share a breath, within reach to see his long lashes and shaky pupils that dart from your eyes to your lips, back to your eyes again. Suddenly, the room temperature dials to an unprecedented heat, walls closing in on you two as you lie in waiting. Waiting for the other to make their move. To lean in or pull away, heads or tails on a coin.

His phone rings, cutting through the tension-filled air with a knife. The moment, gone. 

“You okay?” he rasps, a knit in his eyebrows as if he’s holding himself back. You blink wordlessly, your answer in an absent nod. “I’ll, uhm…get the food.”

It’s not a suggestion, nothing that you can object to, particularly when he’s long gone and you’re clutching at your chest, months of infatuation knocking the breath out of you.

When Jisung returns minutes later, you’ve turned the TV on, preparing to fill the silence if need be. It proves necessary, only groans of pleasure and compliments to the chef shared between you two as you eat your weight in noodles. Not much is said when you’re getting ready for bed either, brushing your teeth together as if you're a couple and settling into separate beds, all the lights turned off.

Still reeling for the fall, and convinced his shallow breaths allude to his slumber, you’re startled by the call of your name, head turning towards Jisung beside you.

“Yes?”

“You sure you’re ok?” he asks before clearing his throat. “That was…some fall.”

You can say that again.

“I’m ok,” you lie. You’re on high alert, frazzled at every end with a heart you’ve just realised longs for the man not even two metres away from you. “Are you?”

Silence. The only feedback you hear is the crinkle of his duvet as he shuffles in his bed.

“Ask me another question.”

You turn to him, shrouded in darkness. “Like what?”

He doesn’t speak again, lets the silence devour the space between you before he says. “Ask me about the person I’m interested in.”

Water that rivals the arctic pours down your back, a harsh call to reality as you remember. Right, he has someone he’s interested in. Someone who he’ll devout his time to, listen to their music recommendations and hold their hands at concerts. And you? Well, you’ll still be friends, but maybe not as close. Maybe not even friends at all.

The thought closes an iron fist around your heart.

“Why haven’t you asked them out?” is what you manage, because it’s on your mind - what time and place he’ll find himself in when he confesses his feelings.

“Because I’m scared,” he admits, small and in a whisper. “Considering we met online, it’s kind of hard to gauge their interest or read any signs. You don’t give me much to work with,”

You still. “I don’t?’

“I mean, I haven’t been too obvious, but I’m crazy about you,” he confesses. “I love the light in your eyes and the kindness in your heart. You’re so deeply human and live life like it’s your first and last. There’s no one like you and I think the idea of knowing how special you are triggered my fear of rejection. Because what would my life be without watching festival performances while drunk with you? What would it be if you didn’t laugh at my lame jokes and didn’t command my every thought?”

Jisung shuffles again, a flicker of dim light in between you two at a lamp source as he stares over at you, wholehearted and vulnerable. “It’d be an empty one - not worth living.”

Slowly, your body brings you upwards, the two of you hanging off the edges of your bed. So close if you’d reach out, your hands would touch. 

“When?” you croak, unable to meet his eyes. “When did you…start feeling this way?”

His eyes lower, a slight curve to the corner of his lips. “Around November?”

Electricity zaps your back straight. Five months ago? “When we joined the server?”

“Shortly after that,” he admits, a coy grin breaking out against his flushed features. “I was having a really hard day and you’d recommend a song in the chat, Favourite by Fontaines DC, and said how nostalgic and hopeful it felt to you. I gave it a listen and…it was like a battery in my back. I cried, but I also smiled too because I understood what you meant by it all,”

He threads his fingers together, peering up with shining eyes as he adds, “it felt like a peak into your soul, and mine too….I think that’s where it started.”

Your hand finally reaches out, overlaying his as tears fill your sight. “You know you’re my favourite, right?”

“No one stood a chance after that drunk video of you singing along to Champagne Supernova,” you share a laugh, reminiscing of the video he accidentally sent into the server one December night. A die-hard Oasis fan till the end. “I mean it. There’s no one I’d want to spend my days with, listen to music with and discover all there is to life. No one but you.”

His bottom lip gives a wobble, hands unearthing from yours as his thumb grazes your knuckles, bringing the hand up in a searing kiss. One he looks you right in the eyes for as he says, “Can we push the beds together please?”

You bark out an unexpected laugh, fondness shaping your smile as you speak with all of your heart. “I would love nothing more.”

[the-sinful-voice-witch]

Ok there seems to be some people still unconvinced with having a reverse crush with Sonic and Amy so Im going to give my input about it, in my opinion it's even logical at this point:

The Sonic from the videogames and the Sonic from the live action movies are obviously different, Videogame Sonic is often portrayed as someone very confident, someone who is already a hero, too cool for school, someone so free that even though he has a lot of friends he seems to like and treasure his time alone, also it's been confirmed that SEGA doesn't like Sonic having strong emotions, also he has already knowledge of his homeworld and was never surprised to see other people of his kind and the first portrayals of Amy were too pushy, stalky and obsessed with him, he was annoyed by her and it was doom to be a one sided crush until the recent changes in her behavior that as simple as she is still openly in love with him but she isn't forcing it on him and as a result he is more comfortable with her and he doesn't reject her as much as before or at all so we don't have a relationship confirmed but we got a ambiguous relationship like: "yes there is something cooking but you only get to smell the food, you'll never eat it"

Then we have the Sonic of the movies, this Sonic barely knows nothing about his homeworld aside the parts his caretaker who was an owl and not his biological mom allowed him to be and is also aware of the echidnas because he was attacked by them before coming to earth. Then on earth he was heartbreakingly lonely for years and that made him be socially awkward and clumsy even though he is an extrovert even pretending he was familiar with Tom and Maddie before he actually became their "son" , this Sonic had to learn to fight on the way through the movies while dangerous things just suddenly kept happening to him, he wasn't a match for knuckles at the beginning because knuckles was already an expert fighter and Sonic wasn't, he wasn't immediately accepting with Tails because he was not confident enough to trust someone he just met even though Tails was helping him and he almost killed Shadow on a fit of vengeful rage, this is not how videogame Sonic behaves, he isn't this much awkward and emotional teenager, movie Sonic is more energetic than Sonic Boom's Sonic and just as chatty as Sonic prime's Sonic and almost nothing like SonicX's Sonic (I don't know the other series he has), also Shadow is literally the first other Hedgehog he ever saw in his life. Also movie Amy is already a badass fighter, that comes from his homeworld, she probably already saw other hedgehogs, also I'm sure she has also the Tarot cards skills she has in the games (and that's why she is there), THIS is the Amy that presents herself to Sonic: a badass female hedgehog that saved him under the moonlight, the second Hedgehog he meets but specifically the FIRST FEMALE hedgehog he ever sees! So given the clumsy wannabe cool dork teenager personality he has, being the first time he sees a female of his species, saving him with such a badass move, an encounter alone in the night... Do you really think is realistic to expect him to be cool and collected about it? This is a huge deal 😂😂, there's no way logically speaking this Sonic isn't going to be nervous and awkward, is impossible to think he is not going to be into Amy 🤣🤣 after that.

But I don't think this is a "reverse crush" I totally think that obviously Amy is going to have a crush on him too, just not as outrageously obvious and obsessive, I think is going to be: "he acts clumsy, she thinks he is cute" and then she'll fall harder once she sees his heroic side, something like: "he fell first, she fell harder" what do you think?

Also, I just noticed that Shadow is kinda in the same situation as Sonic... I mean this time he isn't a creation but a finding inside a meteorite... He has never seen a girl hedgehog either right? Anyway giving his personality I doubt he would be a clumsy dork with her like Sonic would be... I mean it's Shadow 🤷🤷 but maybe she is a bit into him and Sonic gets jealous... Who knows 😏 a bit of Shadamy doesn't hurt.

But again, don't expect anything canon canon, it's probably going to be as I said before: "something is cooking but we only get to smell the food and never eat it"

[66sharkteeth]

If your characters were social media stars, what would they be famous for? 👀

Oh! I've actually thought about this before, tho most of them definitely aren't "stars." Here's how I think they'd be on SM tho-

Rex: Hear me out- He's actually some sort of political activist. Like for blank rights and stuff. I think he's actually got a pretty decent following from posting things about blank rights and organizing donations for them and stuff. Idk, I see people on twitter all the time who I have no idea who they are, but they've clearly gotten a large audience from some sort of political activism and I think Rex would be that for blanks...with a side account for Shnee.

Lyss: Unsure about her. I think she'd just be your average IG girlie? Not influencer status or anything, just posting her life for her friends and family.

Desmond: He's not on SM.

Jericho: Like Rex but WAY more extreme and might even get banned fairly often for inciting violence. Has probably doxxed people lol.

Claude: Similar to Lyss. Just enjoying SM casually.

Bell: Rex lite. Also might post some art sometimes! She's not making a career off of it tho.

Nia: Some sort of underground artist. Maybe she does graffiti or something. Also pretty vocal politically but is primarily followed for art and fashion.

Finze: Not on SM other than some private accounts that his fiance, Nine, made him make to keep up.

Nine, for those who know him: The only actual canon influencer (in other universes) who is like a v-tuber, eboy online celebrity

[mooneggtarts]

New AU got me thinking about the concept of TSC asking Alan if his school friends could come spend the night and Alan agreeing despite knowing full well he's not the one who's gonna take care of them, and all the chaos that would happen afterwards.

P.S If someone were to make fanart for your AVA AUs, would your preferred way of getting them be via submit or just a tag after being posted?

I still like to do some parallel on my AUs with the canon stuff that's been happening. So to me, the first time Sec ask if his friends are allowed to visit is to Vic first (cause Vic was like, the most responsible older figure in his eyes).

Vic was nervous, cause they all never have other people in their home before, and he doesn't know what Alan would even think (no matter how "changed" Alan thinks of himself), so he gently have to tell Sec "no".

But Sec was being a bit rebelious, and sneak his friends into his room while his brothers are busy outside.

Unknowingly since Alan never had anyone else ever visit in his place, nor has anyone else told him that someone will be visiting, it's natural that he'd be reacting immediately and darting towards Sec's room when he heard a scream that was NOT Sec's- nor his other brothers' and was shocked to see other sticks besides his kids.

Seeing other kids, in a room that was just an utter mess, and one of them— including Sec—was tackling eachother. Alan, whom has been so out of toych with his kids' social life and social life in general. Ofc he'd think that the CG are intruders.

Then he snaps them away, poof, dissapears (yes actually, they all still have their canon powers, just not allowed to use them in house or in the public. Unless it's an emergency. Like now) right in front of Sec's very eyes before he could tell Alan to stop.

Sec, ofc, cried and angrily hitting Alan (which was surprising cause he didn't expect Sec could hit really hard) babbling how those were his friends and that he killed them, and Alan's words got cut in every hit in trying to reassure Sec something.

Until Sec heard familiar shouts outside. And he darts towards his room window and see his friends all okay and well, waving their hands at him, jumping up and down.

Alan didn't kill them. He just teleports them outside. To say that things got slightly awkward afterward would be an understatement but it didn't last a day.

And for the fanarts? Up to you! You can always submit or tag me in a post whatever you like! Whatever makes you more comfortable with, I'll always love to see them either way!

[peachhcs]

I also imagine Hannah and James keep it a secret but imagine they do a soft launch but no one knows yet so all their friends are so confused. The only people who make the connection are Sammy and will

SOFT LAUNCH INCOMING y’all i love doing social media posts and i also love starting the au with a good ol’ soft launch ☺️

hard launch coming soon and everyone’s reactions to james and hannah dating!! 😌

also in the process of making the au masterlist with the entire background + everything so stayed tuned for that

au masterlist

hannahduke a weekend in my life 🤸🏽‍♂️

view all comments

nick_moldenhauer damn you traded to the dark side in the last pic

| hannahduke forgive me nick 😔✋

tj_hughes13 michigan STATE???

| hannahduke i promise it was only for a day

user1 wait why is no one talking about pics 3 and 4???

user2 does hannah have a bf???

julianne_gelinas Girl..if u dont start explaining who pic 3 and 4 are…

| hannahduke 🤭

teddystiga_ 😦😦😦

| hannahduke what?

coleeiserman i got such whiplash from this photo. a man AND michigan state? wow

| hannahduke 😔

user3 WHO is her boyfriend??? wait

ryan.leno_4 hannah i’ve known you for like 3 years now and you’re telling me none of us know who this secret man is??

| hannahduke pls forgive me i like surprises

gabeperreault44 😦 hannah duke boyfriend alert??

| hannahduke surprise!

tyler___duke5 wait even i don’t know who this is?? who is this?? when did u get a boyfriend??

| hannahduke all great questions

drewf2 what a shocking turn of events

| hannahduke ikr

samyhughes WAIT A DAMN MINUTE…

| hannahduke …

_wilvote soooo when did this happen?

| hannahduke soo..about that..

aram_minnetian i’m shocked actually bc who is this??

| hannahduke 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ beats me

jameshagens_4 i really like your shoes they’re cool

| hannahduke hey thanks! i like yours!

samanthaminnetian gurllll ur so crazy omg

| hannahduke :))

user4 using my full detective skills rn to see which one of these guys it is bc it HAS to be one of the hockey boys

user5 it’s so hard to figure out when they all flirt with each other in the comments

dylanduke25 wait when did you get a boyfriend???

| hannahduke good question

edwards.73 LITTLE DUKER IS CUFFED UP!!!⚠️⚠️⚠️

| dylanduke25 i feel so dumb rn

markestapa what an interesting turn of events

| hannahduke very interesting

user6 one of the country’s best gymnast is cuffed up and no one knows who is so funny to me

user7 well whoever he is must have major rizz if he pulled the hannah duke

user8 hope he knows he’s dating an olympic gold medalist 🤞🤞

danielle_minnetian damn did he pull off the road to pick those for you??

| hannahduke yes he did 😸😸

_willsmith2 crazy hannah lore drop

| hannahduke frrr

emmagcooper hannah this is so funny of you

| hannahduke hey emma thanks i’m glad you think so!

jacob_fowler24 i’m with @user4 trying to figure out who this is

| hannahduke good luck trying to figure it out :)

michaelhagens_11 wait..i’ve lowkey seen those shoes before..

| hannahduke have you now?

zeevbuium28 nooo wayyyy u soft launched someone i never thought u would

| hannahduke honestly me neither i thought i was dying alone

olivianmorriss hannah ur playing everyone rn i love it

| hannahduke my speciality 🥰

farahlipetz han this is so cutie aw

| hannahduke thanks farah 🥰

jameshagens_4 got me back and forth

view all comments

teddystiga_ now hold on..

| jameshagens_4 ?

user1 🤨🤨🤨 now when did he have a gf???

aram_minnetian HAGS NOT U TOO😭😭😭

| jameshagens_4 i’m sorry 😭

coleeiserman i’m so confused actually

| jameshagens_4 why??

| coleeiserman WHO is that 😭😭

ryan.leno_4 first hannah and now you 😭😭

| jameshagens_4 so crazy 😭

_willvote i stood up and applauded for you

| jameshagens_4 wow thanks vote

michaelhagens_11 dude..this is..interesting..

| jameshagens_4 wdym??

gabeperreault44 this is a crazy soft launch tbh

| jameshagens_4 is it?

drewf2 AYEEE i made it 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️

| jamehagens_4 ofc ❤️‍🔥

jacob_fowler24 i have so many questions yet none of them are getting answered

| jameshagens_4 😦

samyhughes this is..a really suspicious post..

| jameshagens_4 what does that mean??

_willsmith2 is that..y’all are not slick with this

| jameshagens_4 i’m confused

user2 we lost another one guys wtf 😔😔

user3 HOW are all of these boston hockey players getting cuffed up???

user4 there’s something in the air over there istg

zeevbuium28 okkk haggy i see you 🙂‍↔️

| jameshagens_4 😉😉

trevorconnelly16 crazy lineup dude

| jameshagens_4 trust me i know

brandonsvoboda_ my mannn i knew u had it in you

| jameshagens_4 😌😌

emmagcooper this was such a surprise to see on my feed this morning

| jameshagens_4 ur welcome :)

hannahduke wow 2nd pic kind of gas

| jameshagens_4 thanks i really tried to make it look good

[tokkiiibunny]

Chick Habit | Megumi Fushiguro

10: Teenage Whore

Words: 2.3 k

Mainlist

When I was a teenage whore

My mother asked me she said baby what bores

I gave you plenty why could/do you want more

Baby why are you a teenage whore

It seemed to be a great night but it was actually your downfall

You didn't pay attention to him, you wouldn't, you weren't going to let him control your life and you were determined to cut off any communication with Megumi because after Over and over again of the same thing you had understood that being alone would always be better than being with someone like him, all he had given you were problems.

You had tried hard to understand, forgive and tolerate him, The hope of having a friendship with him was dead, you wanted to go back to the day he asked you for forgiveness and say no. Because he didn't deserve anything from you.

You arrived at the party with Yuji who had an arm around your waist, even if you couldn't see him romantically you liked the affection he gave you, You knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but you felt that if you might try a little more, someday he'd like you, like a boyfriend and not just a friend.

Parties are not your environment, it definitely wasn't. Music too loud, too many people, a lot of alcohol but you would have fun Or at least you'd try to, You were with Yuji, you felt cute in your costume, it was the first party you went to in years, it seemed to be a good night.

Everyone greeted Yuji and you too for being with him, he was a complete social magnet And even though you were an outcast to some of them and to others like a ghost you were now his girlfriend and that gave you a certain respect or at least made people be nicer to you and no longer ignore you so deliberately.

It didn't take long for you to see Megumi, he had told you that he would come and he kept his word And you wondered if he would keep the promise too,  he was leaning against a wall looking towards the door,  your body tensed you could feel how heavy his energy was Even if you both weren't close. He gave you a look from top to bottom, he was annoyed but there was something there it was a look so dark that you had never seen him like this, you'd seen him angry many times but this time it felt too different, you'd be lying if you said he didn't scare you. You took your eyes off him, you were determined to enjoy, he had no control over your life Even if he seemed to love to act like he had it.

"EY YUJI! COME HERE." A group of guys already too drunk and loud yelled at your boyfriend.

"Wait for me a second princess." Yuji gave you a kiss on the cheek and went with his friends.

You sat on one of the farthest couches and started texting with choso who was asking you how the night was going and if his brother was treating you well and warning you not to drink too much.

"Yn I'm surprise you don't usually come to these places." You looked up and there were two of the girls who used to be your "friends" during the being of high school.

"Well, I came with Yuji."

You said while smiling, you'd be lying if you said you weren't excited to talk to them even after everything they had said and believed about you, if you had forgiven Megumi so many times you could forgive to anyone else.

"And where is he? He left you alone."

You felt a slight mocking tone in her words but you preferred to ignore it, you preferred to think that it was just your imagination.

"He went with some friends."

"You look a little tense, have a drink, relax." She handed you the glass she had in her hands.

"You need it." Her friend added.

The conversation definitely felt weird, There was something strange about the attitude of the two girls and even if you didn't want to question it was impossible. As soon as you finished your drink they left you alone but your loneliness didn't last long because Megumi came over to you, His steps were firm, his presence was like the darkest shadow. Anything that was going to happen wasn't going to be good and you knew it.

"I told you not to come."

"And I told you I wouldn't listen to you." You tried to act Defiant and stand your ground, but you started to feel weird, dizzy, sick and suddenly the lights became too bright, Your legs  too weak and your eyes had a hard time focusing on something.

Megumi didn't say anything as he watch you trying to get up from the couch you were sitting on, staggering and almost tripping over your own feet, you felt everyone's gaze on you, your breathing was heavy and you began to feel Smothered. Although you felt dozens of pairs of eyes in you there was a look that stood out and that was Megumi's, it made you feel like prey in front of its hunter.

Yuji walked up to you and took your arms as if he wanted to help you stay on your feet. "Hey, baby. Are you okay?" his voice sounded far away even if he was right there next to you. You felt underwater, sunk in an unknown sensation.

The music stopped and an audio began to play, even in your state it was impossible not to recognize your own voice.

Now the looks were more intense, you felt surrounded, trapped, Yuji who was also surprised was aiming to get you out of there but you pulled out of his hands and you approached Megumi pushing him, he barely moved.

"I slept with his brother."

"Which one?"

"Sukuna."

"And what about sasha?"

"She was crazy, it wasn't my fault."

"So it's a lie that you told her she should do it?"

In the audio you were laughing "I was upset, I didn't think she would really do it."

Even if it was your voice and what you were saying was partially true, you knew there was something wrong with that record, It was taken out of context, cut off, there was no way that was what you said, At least not in that order.

The tone of your voice, the way you slurred your words, your almost stupid laugh, you weren't completely aware when that audio was recorded and you weren't at this point either. 

"You lied to me!" you shouted at Megumi,He had taken advantage of the trust you had given him. "And that is not true." He didn't say anything to your accusations, he remained completely calm while you screamed and got mad, you weren't in your 5 senses, that was for sure. "this-"

"Because it wouldn't be true? It's your voice that's there." Megumi responded with complete serenity as she looked down on you from above as if you were a bug that he could crush if he wanted to.

"Shut up!" tears began to slide down your eyes as everyone kept looking at you and Whispering about what was happening. You felt helpless, trapped, judged by each and every one of them But you were also completely angry. You felt like you had no control over yourself and suddenly it felt like you had thrown away that whole act of sweetness. "Why are you to fuck my life!?" You would never understand what you did to megumi, in fact you would never understand what you did to any of them. "You are a fucking bitch, I never did anything to you."

"You should feel ashamed for talking to me like that after kissing me twice. Poor yuji, he was very wrong about you." The audio did not specify when you were with Sukuna and Megumi He also didn't bother to specify that you guys kissed before you Were officially the girlfriend of Yuji.

"That's not-"

"Don't even try to deny it Yn, I'm not a liar, but you..." Whatever you said you were screwed, because the rumors had been "confirmed" with that audio, because Megumi was the one who had "unmasked" you, because you were acting like a psychotic junkie. You had no credibility whatsoever, people had forgotten you for a while but now they had started to disown you again.

Yuji grabbed you by the wrist Moving you away from megumi and taking you out of the party, of course he was upset but he would never leave you alone in that state And even less surrounded by so many people who hated you, after leaving that house it was as if your mind would shut down once again.

You were a cheater drug addict insane liar violent slut And everyone had seen you, everyone had heard the words that came out of your mouth in that récord Which of course no one bothered to question, for everyone had been quite clear. Megumi was the Hero and you were the whore.

To say that your life was ruined might be an exaggeration, but in such a small town, gossip runs fast, and while you had been able to survive the high school rumors, you doubted that this time it could be the same.  It was all rumors before, but now you had "admitted" 'Cause you knew that even if you'd only slept with one guy, That boy was Sukuna, The older brother of your current boyfriend and a complete troublemaker, that would immediately give you the status of a certified whore and you had been clear about what you had done to Sasha, The audio played over and over again in your head and even you wondered how you were able to laugh and act like nothing bad was happening.

After making sure that you were safe at home that night, Yuji didn't call you and he didn't call megumi because he was angry with you but he was also angry with him.

He was his best friend but what he did to you that night had been unforgivable.

Exposing you like that hadn't been his attempt to do justice, it had been another way to destroy you, Yuji wouldn't forgive Megumi this time.

You had been locked in your room for days, you didn't want anyone to see you, for anyone to know that you were still alive, you were a fucking crazy drug addict and murderer, you were a plague in the town.

You refused to eat, to talk, to go out and your parents began to worry about you but every time they asked what's wrong you exploded and you started yelling at them Without giving them a clear answer.

Apart from crying, screaming and wallowing in your misery there wasn't much you do.

You refused to even talk to Choso, you didn't want to see him because you were ashamed that he cared about someone like you so fucked up. He deserved someone better than you and even if every day he came to your house and knocked on your door, your parents always had to tell him that you would not leave your room.

You felt ruined and discarded.

Megumi realized your absence and at first he felt proud of himself for what he had done, he had achieved it, after all these years he had finally fulfilled his goal of destroying you but when he realized that the days were turning into weeks and that suddenly winter break had begun And you hadn't gone to school a single day He began to feel something that he definitely did not like, there was a sensation in his chest and if before it was difficult for him to get you out of his mind now it was practically impossible.

He decided to go see you but no one opened the door and what better idea than to enter through your window, of course you heard it but you didn't even bother to get up if the noises were from a thief well you wish he shot you because you were tired of feeling this way And you were also sick of self-pity but didn't have enough strength to get out of bed and do something with your life.

"You look terrible." Noticeable dark circles under your eyes , messy hair, the same pajamas from days ago, it looked like you had lost weight, pale and your eyes lacked any kind of life, when you heard his voice you wanted to react you wanted to shout at him to fuck off but no muscle in your body moved. He knelt on the edge of your bed in front of you. "Do you plan to lose the school year because of this stupidity?" For you it was not stupid and well it is not that you should apologize for feeling bad about being locally hated.

"It was your fault." was all you could muttered. He grunted in annoyance and stood up, He walked away from you by stomping through your room.

"Stop acting like a fucking victim Yn because you're not, All this happened because of your mistakes." You got out of bed as he began to rant against you. "You pretend to be so good and sweet, a fucking angel from heaven but you're not, you never will be, you're a wretched whore." You let him talk, you let him let his shit and his venom out.

"What did I do to you, Megumi? Why do you hate me so much?"

Notes area:

>Comments, suggestions, and feedback are welcome.

>Thanks for reading!

Taglist:

@soobinbunnie5 @anonymity-222 @hanakalovesbnha @starrysho @sylussss7 @Shortcakebbg @Szired @briezy04764

[missmarveledsblog]

Once in a lifetime kinda deal (Mafia!Bucky Barnes x reader)

Part one: Father dearest what ?

Summary: When the daughter of Tony Stark is in an arranged marriage with her bodyguard's best friend. Another mafia boss James Barnes the two find themselves liking the arrangement more than expected although the life of a mafia boss is never smooth sailing

Warnings: strong language , fast burn , goofy, Tony starks sarcasm , readers sarcastic ass , mafia au , age gap (legal reader 24 , buckys 40s )

To say it was awkward was probably an understatement, what was supposed to be a regular job suddenly went tits up and in a fast way hell she was only doing the job to pay for college . She, as well as three  of her coworkers, sat in some kitchen while watching the rain outside poured down , kids long gone while they waited to be paid . Being fairies for kids parties was fun most times, while other times not so fun especially with some creep of a  dad  was slipping numbers in the straps of their dresses  with a slimy wink was definitely a downside. Another was the owner gave them alcohol while they waited and now she sat with three drunk fairies . didn’t help when they did leave , they could barely stand so she was the one to apologize  only for the father to slip his number and ask her to work his club sometime.  With a a polite rejection ,  she went out to the car , lucky for her it was her uncle to collect them .

“ Hey, have fun girls” he chuckled.

“ they sure did happy ” she rolled her eyes .

“ bad one huh?” he asked.

“ well other than creepy dads and spoiled kids it was a great one” she huffed pullin a sweatshirt over herself.

“ Come on, we get food in them,” he laughed. She ignored their slurred chats with her uncle knowing he was being his gentleman self to make sure they ate  before getting them home.

“ Why do you do this?” Maya slurred.

“ because I want to pay for my own college” she shrugged.

“ but your dad’s one of the richest dudes, and you got hot uncles , happy abd the adonis” Maya whined.

“ Probably because of their gangsters,” Kelly whispered .  She just rolled her eyes knowing they were dying to say it and now with the bravery of the alcohol .

“ ok girls we're here” he called opening the door seeing it was one of the many places her dad was the owner of  pulling off the sweatshirt she ran into the restaurant getting out of the rain .

“ you ok” her uncle asked again .

“i’m fine least they said it instead of tip-toeing” she laughed as the two walked in.

“ no alcohol for them” he called as the waiter walked over to the table as the girl collectively whine. “ i’ll see if your dad’s here” he smiled before leaving her to the other drunk fairies.

“ this place is insane” the girls  giggled and snorted .

“ yeah it’s something” she hummed wishing she went home instead .

“ what can i get you ladies” the waiter eyed them up sleazy grin on his face.

“ some burgers and fries please” she smiled but the man look at her like she asked for his social security and pay check in one.

“ we don’t do that here the denny’s down the road might be more your pace” he scoffed.

“ i always have cheese burgers here and don’t assume from how were dressed ..” .

“ that your strippers trying to eat and run” he snickered.

“ hey her daddy runs this place” kelly stood swaying slightly.

“ sugar daddies don’t count” he rolled his eyes . “ look girls i’m not missing out on actual customers so ..”  He was cut off by the sound of a clearing of a throat.

“ Mr. Rogers,” he gasped.

“ hey stevie happy’s gone see if dad’s here” she smiled as the mans face paled.

“ hey pretty girl” sam walked up .

“ so burger and fries thank you” she turned to the waiter.

“ right away miss stark” he ran off .

“ wow that was so cool” kelly laughed.

“ girls have fun” sam winked making them giggle like school girls .

“ they did  i guess my dad is actually here” she nodded.

“ why am i seeing fairies” a voice called .

“ because pretty girl here works as one for parties duh” sam scoffed .

“ kids parties” she corrected .

“ we could change that for you guys” maya winked.

“ they could i still do kids parties” she laughed

.  “Damn shame” the mysterious stranger smirked .

“ so hows college going” steve asked playfully pushing the man at his side  .

“ kicking my ass but i love it” she smiled brightly.

“ princess  boss wants to see you” happy called .

“ oh great” she huffed .

“ Happy, can you watch them” she pleaded.

“ course i can '' he smiled  as she walked by as the men followed after.

“ so the boss rents out fairies now” the stranger asked.

“ only on Saturdays, '' she called back .

'' So what are  you a sugar baby? '' the stranger asked again .

“ bucky shut up, '' Steve hissed.

“ i’m better than a sugar baby” was all she said before the men nodded.

“ shit is that his wife” she could hear him whisper.

“ new guy shush” she laughed as they walked into the room .

“ my beautiful daughter everyone” she looked as her father stood and they followed .  “ Hey dad , it’s nice to meet you all” she smiled .

“ Are you still doing that kid party thing?” he asked.

“No, I dressed like this for fun” she rolled her eyes .

“ its cute kid, '' Rhodey laughed.

'' Come on sit, happy's gonna bring your friends home” her father smiled, almost too friendly for her liking .

“ what’s going on? '' she whispered to Natasha Romanoff, one of her fathers favorite co-workers, giving the woman's looks and abilities to get a job done quick and easy and her mothers sister.

“ i’m sorry” was all she said .

“  so you're all here for the partly all of you men have been selected for a reason  , one of you is a suitable suitor for my dearest Y/N  here” she heard the words as clear as day yet it wasn’t like she did at all . she knew it was coming. Most girls in this life were basically sold off  to strengthen the business side of things.

“ Wait tony think about this” rhodey almost spat his drink .

“ I did it’s time” he dismissed him instantly. “ Dad, may I speak to you privately?” she asked sweetly .

“ Of course pumpkin” he smiled as she led the way only for Bruce to open the door .

“ thanks banner” she smiled so forcefully . Once the door was closed she wanted to throw something at her father .

“ What the hell  did you fall and hit your head ? “ was all she could say .

“ Look  I get i blindsided you but it’s all your choice ok , kid people need to know i run tight ship and you're part of that ship” he sighed.

“ What else aren’t you telling me” she looked at him.

“ well it’s peter , he fucked up big time lost a big a shipment” he explained .

“ that why you don’t let kids fucking do this” . “ I know but now I need you to do this for me , I'll make sure you still stay in college and all that good stuff, “ he pleaded .

“ I pick the suitor if I don't like them, it doesn't happen” she said knowing it was only the way she could gain control of the situation .

“done ,  there’s a dress there pep pick it out after she threw a vase at my head” he rubbed the back of his neck.

“ of all my stepmothers she’s my favorite” she smiled sadly knowing why the woman wasn’t here .

“ I'll let you change,” he smiled brightly .

“ kind of you” she scoffed  .

“ Kid it’s either that or Peter pays” he sighed. “ Why do you think i’m doing it ? cause it not for you ” she growled, pulling the dress out .

Steve sat looking around the room pissed off wondering how Tony could do this and by looking at her face she wasn’t expecting it, another thing he knew it was for real . she couldn’t go with any of these men , all animals in their own way especially how Rumlow  was looking at her. That was only telling he would put on the charm but they all knew how he really treated the women in his life , hell the last one found the bottom of a lake more appealing .  He could feel Sam stiffen up as well knowing he and many of the Avengers gang  didn’t like this. They loved Y/N  like a sister or niece and this wasn’t what they wanted for her.  Then like a lightbulb went off in his head he looked to his best friend beside him , He was his own man  nearly  up there with the Starks and he didn’t miss how Bucky froze a little in his spot when he met the stark girl .

“ I need to pull in that favor,” steve whispered.

“ which favor punk” bucky looked around the table he didn’t want her to go with these men they were cruel bastards .

“ when i saved your life , I need you to save another” he whispered.

“ is that why you brought me here?” he arched his brow.

“ no but i mean it works out better this way , come on we can work out details doesn’t need to be a real wedding” steve pleaded.

“ hey I'll cash in my favor too” sam caught on to what they were talking about .

“ Fine, I'll put myself forward as a suitor , she really means this much to you both” he asked as the men nodded.

“ she helped my sister out of a real bad situation , look a girl like her shouldn’t have to do this she a saint amongst sinners” sam sighed.

“ Plus you get in with starks like you want,” Steve added.

“ I'm rethinking that” he shook his head.

“ plus i saw your eyes when you looked at her,” Steve smirked.

“ you need your eyes checked punk” bucky smiled although his best friend wasn’t lying but he felt bad for his lie .

“ Now she agreed gentlemen so let's just have a meal then we can talk another time '' Tony announced taking his seats ignoring the glares from his own men and nat . 

“ What's the deal with it all?” Rumlow smiled.

“ She picks the suitor, it's her choice and her rules” Tony  took his wine . “ If you don't like it, there's the door,” he added.

“ she ok” nat asked.

“ yeah she just changing out of her fairy thing” tony shrugged.

“ i’ll go check on her” nat smiled hand squeezing tony’s shoulder a little harder making the man smile through gritted teeth.

“ malyshka” she asked, coming further into the office.

“ down here” she called laying on the floor.

“ If you want, we can run now. I'll get Bruce to get the car ready” she looked down .

“ And then how will you adopt then?” she looked up at the redhead.

“ doesn’t matter ,  I promised my sister i wouldn’t let you get sold off like she did”she shook her head.

“ my dad isn’t like drekov he’ll let me choose” she smiled sadly.

“ he is a little but look we can go when your ready” the red head mused.

“ i’m doing it nat peter in trouble  my dad’s fault for trusting a kid to do something so big but he’s my brother i have to ” she sighed .

“ well then i’m making sure whoever it is will know the widows will be watching”.

“ i’ve no doubt they will , how is yelena” she asked standing pulling the dress over her head .

“ well lucky she not here is all i can say” she laughed dryly.

“ look i’ll be fine i can take care of myself thanks to you” she winked pulling the black dress over her head .

“ ok he so lied about pepper picking this” she scoffed as the black body con hugged every part of her body .

“ the one she picked out was down to your ankle” nat laughed.

“ hey hand me his jacket there” she called  as she pulled the silver belt off her fairy costume.  Pulling her fathers coat over her it covered her to extent , she look classier then the first choice that was for sure as she pulled the belt around her .

  “ nice job” nat eye appraisingly rake over the impromptu change of attire.

“ well lets do this”she smiled .

“ what are you planning” nat quirked her brow.

“ nothing at all” she smirked as the widow snorted.

He couldn’t believe he was even doing this , he stood in front of tony stark telling him , he was interested in being put into the pool of suitors .

“ I'm surprised I thought you didn't marry barnes” tony asked.

“ a man can change” he shrugged yet their was secret look between the men .

“ i mean business wise he would be the best choice” steve interjected .

“ he’s not wrong but it’s not my choice so i’ll you in” tony nodded .

“ Thanks” he went to walk back to his seat, two men sharing almost a secret exchange .

“ Sit  here , you move” he said as the walker got up .

“ Sir, I could take care of her,” John began.

“ move” tony repeated.  The door swung open and the room went completely quiet  all eyes on her  even though Bucky couldn’t tear his eyes away . She looked like a model or angel or both. He wasn't sure yet only to hear a chuckle from his best friend .

“ don’t mind me using your jacket dad, its a bit chilly ” she smiled sweetly but he could see her testing her father almost willing him to say something .

“ yeah it’s nice on you kid , sharon .. i mean pepper picked great” he smiled forcefully.

“ bingo”she smirking as his  eyes narrowed slightly .

“ You look like a great doll” bucky smiled. “Thank you … sorry i didn’t get your name” she held her hand out.

“ jame barnes but friends call me bucky '' he kissed her hand.

'' So sweets what was with the get up before '' Rumlow called.

“ I work as a fairy for kids' parties so I can pay for my own college fees” she smiled.

“ daddy can’t pay, ''he snorted.

'' Daddy could buy the whole college but I wanted to be independent in my own way, learning the world around you helps' ' she smiled sweetly yet her grip on the knife suggested otherwise. “ i mean most of the people put on a front for you guys it hard to read them but when you do what i do you find a lot more under the surface” she added. “ i like that , what do you do in college doll” bucky asked.

“ she is a business and law major” tony cut in actually sounding proud.

“ nah girls belong at home this modern shit fills their heads with crap” rumlow laughed. “ i think it’s great y/n’s smart as hell” steve smiled proudly.

“ i agree with rogers” clint winked .

“ good thing im a women and not a girl then “

“ so doll what’s the fairy business like” bucky smiled.

“ kids are great well sometimes it’s the parents that suck , i mean i think the dad today thought he was getting lucky getting the girls drunk but happy came and got us” she nodded her grip relaxing on the knife.

“ speaking of happy informed me they got back safe” her father smiled.

“ good lets eat i’m starving” she called as the same waiter from before came in hands shaking as he placed the food down .

“ would you like anything else ma’am” he asked a tremble in his voice.

“ nah we’re good thank you” .

“ what was that about” her father asked.

“ nothing misunderstanding” she shrugged.

“ exactly i learned my lesson sir” he squeaked as she nodded. “ fine go” he wave his hand. 

“глупый идиот

(silly idiot)”she giggled as nat laughed.

“он безобидная кукла

(he’s harmless doll)” bucky smirked.

“ stop talking russian darling it’s rude” her father hissed.

“ you don’t speak it , none of you?” she asked as they all shook their heads.   She looked down at her phone to see message from steve “ lift home with me” . she gave him a quick nod before turning her head to listen to the stupid stories of the men around her. It was an hours later most of the men starting to slur words and braver with their words and praises making her uncomfortable even her father could see it.

“ time for you to go” he clapped his hand.

“ i’ll take her i haven’t drank “ steve stood . “great thanks rogers entertainments coming anyways” tony smirked as the women walked in half dressed in next to nothing .

“ now the real show is here” rumlow smirked . “ i’m going to head off too” bucky stood just as a woman went to sit on his lap .

“ let me walk you out”her father smiled .   she only glared at her father seeing the rest of the so call entertainment walking by .

“ don’t get any of these pregnant pepper wouldn’t be happy” she scoffed .

“ pepper is coming too” he rolled his eyes.

“  ok was nice meeting you bucky” she said shaking the mans hand before heading out to the car barely looking at her father .

“ i’ll see you later” steve nodded before he followed.

“ you passed test one barnes” was all tony said before walking back into the room as they all cheered. 

She sat in the car looking down at her hands the brave front breaking  once she was out of her fathers presence.

“ look i didn’t know that was happening i would of warned you” he said just as the car opened and the two men  getting in .

“ i know stevie” she smiled wiping her eyes. “ we have a plan  one everyone’s happy with” he said .

“ wait i’m getting in “ a voice called

“ natalia” bucky nodded.

“ ok as i was saying  you still need to marry someone but this way your safe and well yeah” he said .

“ whats the plan” she sniffled as nat took her hand knowing she was being too strong.

“ you pick bucky” sam smirked.

“ you’ll get your own room in my place , continue college all you need to do is come to events and stuff with me” he smiled softly.

“ why you helping” nat asked.

“ because these punks begged me and i hate the whole marriage business thing” he sighed.

“ so whats the catch” she asked.

“ none , having a wife and part of your dads business helps me and well you don’t end up a slave for those assholes in there” he explained.

“ steve how much do you trust his word” she asked.

“ with my life it’s why i suggested it” steve promised.

“ sam?” .

“ same as steve , look pretty girl its bucky or Rumlow” sam sighed.

“ i’ll text my father” she nodded. “ leave it till tomorrow ,make it look like its not a plan” bucky nodded.

“ well  boys for this you got the trust and business with the widows” nat smiled .

“ another thing  you have to let me pay for your college” bucky added.

“ i like my job” she lied.

“ i mean if you wanna be fairy you can but i pay for your college” he shook his head.

“ oh i got invited to breakfast at yours so i guess i’ll see you in the morning too” he winked . nat watched the two before she smiled looking at steve in the mirror two sharing a knowing smirk of what would unfold.

“ no mistresses in the house if you do that do it in hotel” she added.

“ i don’t do mistresses doll” he said she almost believed him .

“  you gave up the whole playboy thing right?” nat asked making the girl beside her head spin .

“ i did  got sick of the show , you done your research romanoff” he chuckled.

“ i make sure my niece is  safe” she shrugged.

“ speaking of Yelena going to have tony’s balls for this” steve chuckled.

“ oh that’s a long line trust me” nat rolled her eyes.

“ So why are you agreeing to this?” Bucky asked.

“ You can tell him princess,” Steve nodded.

“ My little brother , well he is not actually my brother but he is , my dad took him in as a debt repayment when he was like two  , I was six  anyways my dad trusted him with a big job that well has us in this mess” she sighed. “ Wait parker? He like a child wait again how old are you” he asked.

“Twenty four  ” she shrugged.

“ oh great midlife crisis marriage” bucky sighed ignoring how good the sound of her giggles were to his ears.

“ well lucky the marriage is for show huh old man” she winked .

“ already busting my balls” he teased.

“ oh this is gonna be good” sam chuckled .

Once nat brought her up making sure she was ok , she sat looking around her room probably last she would see of it knowing her father would rush the union once decided. Stripping the remains of her clothes she sent her boss that she was leaving  the job.  Before she jumped into pair of shorts and sweatshirt on pulling out her textbooks  laying them all around the bed . steve and  sam all asking how she was so she sent them a selfie of her studying ,  she looked down to see an unknown number ringing.

“ you’ll get a bad back studying like that doll” she couldn’t help smile at the familiar voice. “ well mr barnes how in the word did you get my number” she chewed on the pen suddenly the words on the page were not as interesting .

“ i may of saw the selfie and felt left out” he teased .

“  steve?” she asked.

“ i asked your dad for your number too” she could hear his grin in the phone.

“ for a selfie of me in my dorky state” she laughed.

“ hey what can i say dorky chicks are needed” . “ well if that's it ,  i need to dork it out some more big test coming up” she giggled .

“ oh talk dirty for me baby” he joked his laugh taking over .

“ good night barnes” she snorted.

“ good night doll” he chuckled .  she could help the  flush to her cheeks  could she blame herself no  , not at all man was sex on legs and knew it.

“ Y/N” She could here the sadness in his voice.

“ hey petey come on” she called place  her phone down what she didn’t know was she hit the hang up  button .

“ m’sorry i got you dragged into this , maybe if i talk to dad i could sort it out  , i’ll work for whoever” he started pacing the room .

“ hey it’s ok look dad prick for even getting you to do such a big job , where was i when this was decided” she asked .

“ ballet classes or maybe away with the fairies” he teased .

“ ok funny boy look shit head i got it sorted well steve does so what i want you to do in return is be a kid not deal with this shit just to prove something to dad cause you don’t have to now like a good big sister i seen you got into MIT so if i do this you gotta do that for me” she hugged him unaware of the third party listening in on the phone.

“ please don’t tell me it’s rumlow” peter asked.

“ nah definitely not this guys nice and not just nice front but he seems like a good guy” she nodded.

“Good guys in the mob?” he arched his brow. “ hey their not all ass grabbing alcoholics” she winked making him chuckle.

“ you think dad would let me go MIT” he asked .

“ i’ll talk to him tomorrow at breakfast when you meet bucky”she smiled .

“ looking forward to it doll” the voice called. “ you know it rude to listen to a private conversations” she said as her face heated up . “ hey kid i’ll talk to your dad too bye doll” he called making her hang up and throw herself into her pillow.

“Was that him?” peter squeaked.

“ uh huh” her voice muffled .

“ whats got you smiling” steve walked in .

“ she really loves that kid huh?” bucky shook his head.

“ peter of course he’s good kid not made for this life , his folk owed money but couldn’t pay stark went to pay them a visit and well took the kid as payment mainly because they weren’t able to look after him cared more about drugs turns out that night the dad went on rampage snapped on the drugs and killed a bunch of people” steve shook his head.

“ did you know she did ballet” he asked .

“ course i did , drove her most her lessons makes her feel closer to her mom” he arched his brow but he wasn’t blind he could see it on his best friend already smitten .

“ is the big bad barnes crushing on his soon to be wife” steve teased.

“ nah just nice to see caring souls in this line of work is all” he shrugged.

“ So you are asking Stark for her number?”.

“  i asked stark to arrange it once she tells him yes its a done deal” bucky shrugged ignoring his friends looks .

“ you already asked” steves eye widened .

“ actually stark rang me and i asked him to arrange it after she says yes” he smirked.

“ you  think maybe you should tell her this or maybe everything else you failed to mention in the car” steve looked around the room knowing it wouldn’t be a secret for long.

“ look let's just get this breakfast over, I'll tell her tomorrow.” he sighed, making himself a drink .

“ you know i can read you like a book jerk '' Steve chuckled. “ hell even nat spotted it '' he added.

“ i don’t know what your talking about punk it’s just business' ' bucky winked .

'' oh that poor bastard, '' Steve chuckled as his friend walked out the room .

thanks for reading , if you want to be added to taglist let me know ❤️