#and has seen me through a crisis where i stopped writing for nearly 9 months

[hoyatype]

it’s really nice to write for no real reason and then discover the reason for writing on the page.

today i tucked myself into a corner of a café that’s open late (until 7:30pm) and wrote seven pages longhand. happiness is hours of spacious emptiness and no plans, so i can sit and write and indulge in the pleasure of writing.

what i wrote isn’t really ‘real’ writing, fine writing, project writing—but it is writing as a form of thinking, writing as a medium for consciousness.

whenever i let myself be unselfconscious about writing, when i try to not obsess over producing anything specific (a short story, an essay) then i can give myself over to the unremitting pleasure of words just moving forward, pulling out all kinds of emotions and ideas and connections, slowly integrating these things together, slowly developing some gestalt sense of what i want to say.

it’s really nice to write for no real reason and then discover the reason for writing on the page.

and after seven pages i finished my notebook; i’ll have to go and buy a new one tomorrow. and this is also a nice feeling, to have filled up over 300 pages with my hopes and dreams and aspirations and intentions and be able to celebrate one period of life and move into a new one, open-ended still, with new and exciting creative possibilities.

[bran-who-writes-theoretically]

Julie and the Phantoms

~What I want~

-Y’all didn’t ask for this but guess what here are my thoughts anyway. They are based in nothing and are solely what I want. So here’s everything (I hope) in no particular order.

1. Let’s talk about Juke just to get it ~out of the way. TBH I cannot get around the age gap between Madison and Charlie. It’s so hard for me to see past it. I’m only a few months younger than Charlie and I literally could not imagine dating someone who was even in high school at all. I understand they wanted the guys to look the same age through the series so they had to cast older but.... eh. The only way I could really accept Juke would be if they kissed in the series finale just before the guys moved on. But really? I’d love to see them realize that they can’t be together because he’s dead. It would be SO interesting to see that, them having to stomp out the crush because it could only end in hurt for them both. I’d love to see them become super close/best friends. They have a connection, it just doesn’t have to be romantic. Also I’d really like to see her maybe end up with Flynn??? That would be so refreshing. You almost never see queer leads for kids shows and that would be awesome (P.S. even though it’s fine to ship Juke, even though I personally don’t, do NOTTTTTTTTT. I repeat NOT! Ship Madison and Charlie. I’ve seen other actors in older fandoms stop talking to each other because of fans shipping them. Please don’t do this to anyone. Remember he’s 21, and she’s 16).

2. Ghosts. They need to stay ghosts. Trust me, I want them to come back to life as much as y’all, but I don’t think there are any ways that they can bring them back that doesn’t feel like a cheat. Plus, I really really want the heartfelt goodbye from the guys in the last episode before they move on. What can I say? I love my bittersweet endings. Could you imagine the material they could give us? They could even bring Julies mom in to help the boys cross over.

3. I NEED to see more of the guys in the 90’s. I have a ton of questions. Some of which are: was Bobby always kinda to the side? How long was Luke gone? I want to see Reggie and Alex’s life. Who’s house was the studio at? (We can cross out Luke and Reggie, we’ve seen their houses/where they were.) but I have my own theory that it was Alex’s house before Julie’s family solely based on the reason that that’s why the guys were in there and why Alex lingers. But then that poses the reason why did his parents leave the house? Maybe because it was too hard to live there when they lived there with their son? But then that poses the question if they “forgave” him for being gay?

4. Reggie, I know he wasn’t intended to be, especially since I heard the “that was pretty hot!” scene was improvised, but I need him to be bi so bad. I am not sure I’m right, but I only have seen three (?) canonically bisexual characters on screen in my twenty years of life. And that’s Cheryl from Riverdale (😒) and my personal fav, Eleanor from The Good Place, and we also have a sprinkle of Korra in there. I literally cannot think of another. But lookie here! They’re all women, where are my bi guys (if you know any male bi characters? Send them my way👀). But seriously, Reggie has such potential to be great Bi rep! If I had seen a character like him I might have realized and accepted my sexuality way before I did. Because ironically I had a sexuality crisis at seventeen because a guy friend grabbed me by the shoulder and asked for my help not too different from Luke singing to Reggie lol!

5. Hollywood Ghost Club. I would really love to see more about it. I’m pretty sure I know what’s going on, Caleb most likely made a deal with the devil. But I’d love to see the guys and Julie help free all of the other trapped spirits he’s lured into the club. Also, on the topic of ghosts as a whole, I wonder if there’s any negative effects on a ghost staying non earth too long. It happens a lot in movies/books. They almost turn into a wraith, a darker version, only a shadow of themselves. I wonder if it applies here too.

6. Oh dang, CASPER. As per my previous posts as I was writing this, I was backhanded with memories of one of my favorite childhood movies, which I just recently watched again. Above I say maybe Julies mom could help them cross over. But remember how Luke promises to talk to Julies mom once they cross over? What if they do just that. A line that struck a chord while watching the movie was from the mother’s scene when she comes back: “let’s just say you know three crazy ghosts that kept their word.” And y’all, when she said that line not gonna lie I nearly cried thinking about that for the show. She also mentions that because her family loved her so much, she doesn’t have any unfinished business. I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t have any unfinished business either. Casper came out in.... you guessed it.... 1995. So I wouldn’t be surprised if they got some inspiration from it. Not to mention that it’s also a kids movie that has some pretty serious moments that kinda shocked me with how sad they were rewatching as an adult. I guess that’s why I loved it so much.

7. Carrie. I really want to learn more about Carrie and Julies dynamic. We know they were friends (I’m assuming with Flynn too?) and had a falling out. But why? And in the last episode she’s clearly proud of Julie after the performance, so I really want them to make up and have her be part of the group again. And maybe learn the truth about the guys?

8. Willie and Alex, god I want them to be together so bad. Of course, Caleb owns willies soul, so that’s not great, so I’d definitely love that subplot of the group trying to free the ghosts of the HGC. We didn’t see Willie too much this season, so I hope we do get more time with him. Also, I absolutely need a big musical number like Perfect Harmony between Alex and Willie. The only time I’ve ever seen a scene like that between gay characters has been in Rock of Ages (an adult musical) with “can’t fight this feeling” and it was hilarious and I need something like it for this show because it would be super cute 🥺.

9. Not particularly a theory but I’m really wondering how long Caleb is going to be in Nick. Julie has already stated that she’s kinda over him, and that it would be unfair to lead him on... so what happens when he realizes she probably won’t take the bait. Other than that, I really hope Sasha has fun playing Caleb through Nick, it has the potential to be great.

10. I’m not exactly sure what their unfinished business is going to be, but I’m almost certain it has to deal with Julie somehow. But the ending absolutely has to be the guys moving on. The ending has to be big though. They have to play somewhere awesome and then they find out... they’re done here. I’d honestly like a whole episode just dedicated to their goodbye. The way I see it, the second to last episode can end with them smiling after the performance and then that smile fading just a little bit, because that was when they realized. Then the final episode will be then telling Julie (and anyone else who knows about them by then) and finally moving on. Here I’m torn. I’ve mentioned both above but let me get more in depth. Version one: the one I originally came up with. This dealt with when the guys are ready to move on, Julies mom would come and help guide them into crossing over. I really liked this idea for a while, until I watched Casper again. Version two: the one I now like better(?) is the guys moving on, and after they do, Julies mom comes back (where even Ray and Carlos can see her) because “let’s just say you know three crazy ghosts who kept their word.” Could you IMAGINE??? It would absolutely reduce me to bawling I want it right now. The reason I like this one a little more is because we can skip to a little while after everything, and she gets a sign from them (just like her mom sending her the flower in the S1 finale) to show that they are still watching over her. And then we fade to black.

So that’s most of my thoughts on this show, if there’s typos in this I absolutely don’t care at all I wrote this instead of doing college work.

[mental-health-advice]

Submission about postnatal depression

So this is quite long but I need to get it all off my chest. About a year and a half ago I gave birth to my son. He was born 13 weeks early and had to stay in hospital for 3 months. During that time I’m pretty sure I had postnatal depression and I definitely had ptsd. Every time I seen a pregnant lady I would cry. Even on tv or randomly in the street. While we were in hospital one of the NICU parents told me about a Facebook page for parents of premature babies and it helped me so so much to have these people to talk to and who were going through the same thing. While we were in the hospital my partners sister got pregnant and it just ruined me. Everything I had kept bottled up just came to the surface and I was in bits. I would post on the Facebook page (thinking it was a closed group no one could see the posts) about how much it upset me and my feelings were validated which made me feel better. Turns out people on my Facebook, including my partners family could see it all. I’d stopped posting stuff after my son got out of hospital but a few months later my partners sisters baby was stillborn and he found out everything I had posted about how upset I was with her being pregnant and that I resented her. His other sister had screenshotted it and showed his whole family. They were all extremely angry with me and his sister hasn’t spoke to me since. They all acted like it was my fault the baby had passed away and I can understand why they are so upset completely. My partner threatened to leave me every day and he told all my friends of 9 years what had happened and they’ve not spoken to me either since. I have completely isolated myself. I talk to only my mum and my partner and sometimes can go days without talking to another adult. The day after the baby passed away I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I wasn’t allowed to talk about my pregnancy at all or enjoy it without being made to feel guilty. She was also very early and nearly passed away after the first night but she made it and came home 2 months ago. His sisters have not spoke to me or asked how she is and neither have any of my friends. I’m incredibly lonely and can’t leave the house without being with someone else because I don’t drive and going out with 2 babies is impossible so I’m stuck indoors for days on end. I definitely still have ptsd and have depressive episodes that can last for days and have found out his sister is pregnant again. I’ve had suicidal thoughts but I really love my children and they are the only things keeping me here. My partner really hates me but said he won’t leave because of the kids.

Hey lovely,

Pauline and Caitlin have decided to write a collaborative answer for your submission, we hope that’s okay! We’re so sorry to hear that you’ve been through so much, anybody can see how difficult this has been for you and we’re really proud of you for reaching out to us, and for getting through it, that shows that you’re much stronger than you realise.

While the things you’ve been through do sound like they are symptomatic of postnatal depression and PTSD, we are not professionals and cannot diagnose you, and we would advise you not to try and diagnose yourself, either. If you are still struggling as it sounds like you are, we would strongly advise you to reach out to your GP, your midwife or health visitor or postnatal clinic about how you’ve been feeling, as you don’t have to go through this alone and nor should you. We are here for you, and there are plenty of people in your life who will care and want to help, if you’re able to reach out. Please also know that it’s not in any way your fault that your baby was premature, or that you found it really difficult when you first became a mother. You’re not letting your children down by feeling this way, they still love you as their kind mummy who looks after them, and despite how he may act, you’re not letting your partner down, either. You’re not letting anybody down, you’re clearly quite poorly and we believe you should be focusing on getting yourself better rather than blaming yourself for something that is not your fault.

Something we want to stress is that you are absolutely not to blame for your partner’s sister’s baby being stillborn!! The feelings you had when you just found out she was pregnant were understandable, as you’d just gone through such a difficult experience. Those feelings needed to be dealt with in some way, and it’s wonderful you had such a support group where you could vent and release those feelings. Struggling with her pregnancy didn’t mean that you wanted her pregnancy to end so badly. You might have wanted her to not be pregnant at the time, as it was so intensively difficult for you, but that still doesn’t equal wishing for her baby to be stillborn. And even if that thought had occurred, that still wouldn’t mean you were to blame! Blaming you would imply that it was in your ability to control whether her baby was born stillborn or not, and that simply isn’t the case. We truly hope this is something you can keep in mind, and that this will start to feel true for you sooner rather than later. You do not deserve to struggle with these feelings of guilt, as you were not responsible in any way.

We agree with you that it’s understandable your partner’s sister and her family was upset. However, that doesn’t mean that we think they were right in putting the blame on you! What could possibly have happened, is that they (although most likely especially your partner’s sister) used blaming you as a way to cope with their grief. When dealing with death, it can feel very much out of our control, which can be hard to accept. As humans, we will always try to gain back this feeling of control. By blaming you, this meant that the control was at least in someone’s hands, opposed to the way it was before where nobody was in control of it all happening. While their initial reaction might have been a coping mechanism for their grief, it still really wasn’t fair to put the blame on you, and that’s something they should have realised and apologised for when the emotions had reduced a little and they were able to think clearly / rationally again.

It wasn’t okay for your partner to tell this all to your friends. That wasn’t his call to make, as your friendship didn’t have anything to do with everything that happened. We’re always all for being open and honest in friendships (and any relationships really), but it wasn’t your partner’s decision to make; it was yours. You were friends for a long time, so there was also a big chance if you could have told them about everything that happened, they’d have been more understanding. Right now they only heard one side of the story and this side was told while a lot of anger was still playing up, so it might not have been the most neutral perspective of what happened. I don’t know whether at the time you tried to explain to your friends your side of the story. If you did and they still decided to ignore you, I’m so sorry. You do not deserve that at all! If you didn’t explain it all to them yet, maybe this is something you could try still? It’s completely up to you to decide whether you want to do this, but we think it might be worth a shot! If it doesn’t change the situation, then you’re still in the same position as you are now. You’ve got nothing to lose really!

For your partner we think the same applies as to your partner’s sister. His initial reaction understandably was to be upset, but after having calmed down and realising you weren’t to blame, it should have been a topic of conversation, rather than to keep a stiff head and treat you so harshly. Being in a serious relationship means to be there for each other in good and bad times and in our opinion this includes at least trying to look at things through your partner’s perspective, which is something he lacked to do. You really deserved more support, both from your partner and your friends!

We understand that everything you’ve gone through has caused you to feel like isolation was a good option, and we understand why you’ve isolated yourself. But sometimes it feels like isolation is our only option, when in reality it only complicates our struggles and causes us to feel a lot worse. Which seems to be what’s happened to you too. Isolation seemed to be the best option, but now you feel incredibly lonely and you don’t have a support network anymore. This is something to work on!

Sweetheart we would really recommend that you look for local sources of support who you can speak to when you’re low on a regular basis, or if you’re heading into crisis. This support can come from a variety of sources. For example you could reach out to your former friends, explain what has happened in as much or little detail as you feel comfortable, and ask them for their support. However we completely understand if you feel that you can’t forgive your former friends for leaving you when you needed them most as how they treated you is very hurtful, so of course only do what you feel comfortable doing! You could also reach out to charities that help mothers dealing with postnatal depression, or even your healthcare visitor/equivalent to you locally. You could join a group for mothers who have been through similar things, or even just a social club for mums with young children. Alternatively you could try and reach out to a mental health professional, who can help you to understand your feelings and work on more long term coping mechanisms. This could also involve getting professional help for suicidal ideation, PTSD (like symptoms) and depressive episodes. This is important because it will help you to make the most of your children growing up, and help you to not feel so guilty about everything you’ve been through. If you’re able to successfully tackle suicidal ideation then this will be a huge step in improving your mental health, as well as give you piece of mind and prove to yourself how strong you are and that you’re able to overcome all of this.

Since your partner will stay with you for the children, we really think it’s important to work on improving your relationship. That’s why relationship therapy might be a good option! This is something you’d both have to be open for though, which your partner might not be. A reason that might potentially persuade him into going through with it, is that even though you two are together now to not make the children go through their parents splitting up, being together isn’t always better for the children. Children pick up on a lot, and there’s a possibility they’ve noticed the tense atmosphere between you two. Basically, if your partner doesn’t want to get into relationship therapy for the two of you, see if he wants to do it for the sake of your children. Hopefully that will help!

We’re so happy to hear that your children are a reason for you to not act on your suicidal ideation and to instead keep fighting. It however is important to increase the amount of reasons to stay, as having more and more reasons to stay can also help reduce the suicidal ideation a little. And we’d really wish for you to not experience such strong suicidal ideation anymore but for those feelings to lessen and lessen until they’re away completely. We have a page listing a lot of reasons to stay that you can find here. We’d recommend you to use this page for inspiration, but to make your own personal list with reasons to stay, rather than to read only through the page and leave it at that. You can use our printables to make your personal list with reasons to stay.

All in all, we truly hope that you can get some support and help real soon! You truly don’t deserve to be going through all of this, and even less to be going through all of this on your own! Feel free to let us know if there’s anything else we can help out with.

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Lots of love, Caitlin and Pauline

[xtruss]

Pelicans, spoonbills, and herons nest on Cat Island, where oil washed ashore in May 2010. The spill sped the land’s ongoing erosion; today it’s underwater. Photo: Daniel Beltrá

Ten Years Later: Reflections on the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill

Ten years ago, BP's Deepwater Horizon oil rig exploded, killing 11 people and pouring an estimated 4.9 million barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico. Audubon and other conservation partners sprang into action to repair the ecological damage.

To mark the 10th anniversary, we asked four writers to reflect on how this catastrophe has impacted people and birds over the last decade—and exactly what it will take to ensure a bright future for the gulf.

Audubon magazine asked four writers to contemplate what has and hasn't changed in the aftermath of the Gulf catastrophe.

The worst oil spill in U.S. waters began with a deadly explosion on April 20, 2010. Many of us remember the distress we felt as that day stretched into days, then months—a slow-building dread that no one could make a gaping hole drilled into the earth stop gushing. Capping the well took 87 days. The consequences unfurled long after.

Today BP penalty funds flowing to the region provide an enormous opportunity to not only repair environmental damages from that disaster, but also help restore a long-suffering Gulf Coast. In 2019 Audubon provided a roadmap for investing nearly $2 billion of this pot to shore up key habitats through 30 projects covering more than 136,000 acres. With partners, it’s now ensuring many of those projects are advancing. For example, this winter the state of Louisiana rebuilt Queen Bess Island, an eroding pelican rookery—thereby helping it avoid the fate of nearby Cat Island, which has already disappeared.

The Gulf holds all of these possibilities—tragedy, resilience, and hope. Each of the voices featured in this special package watched the Deepwater Horizon catastrophe unfold, and witnessed the repercussions to people and birds, but took away different lessons. We asked them to reflect on the spill’s political and personal legacy. What has transpired because of these horrific events? And what can we carry forward? —The Editor

We Need Another Way to Relate to the World—and Each Other

Remembering the BP spill tragedy offers an occasion for reconsidering how we interact with nature and what we value.

The first oiled pelicans I saw that spring didn’t look like the ones they put on TV. They looked almost normal at first, but an odd behavioral tic drew your gaze back to them. Then you saw that their belly feathers hung clumped and matted, looking wet, only this was oil.

Feathers protect birds from a world that is by turns too hot, too cold, too wet, too sunny—but oiled feathers can’t do their job. So the pelicans responded the only way they could. They preened, grabbing feather clumps in enormous bills and tugging over and over again. That was the tic that caught your eye, Brown Pelicans stuck in an endless preening loop, unable to save themselves but unable to stop ­trying. It looked like a form of insanity—I suppose it was—and I still think about the sight with a strangling sense of horror.

Brown Pelicans are highly social beings, flying together in tight, graceful formations and nesting noisily by the hundreds on sheltered islands on the fringes of coasts, feeding at sea. The edge of our world is the beginning of theirs.

They are gentle toward humans, even under stress, the wildlife rehabilitators would tell me. The muscular, seafaring Northern Gannets left triangular gashes on the forearms of people who offered them help they couldn’t understand, but the pelicans were patient as their eyeballs and palates were swabbed, quiet as their skin and feathers were scrubbed.

Oiled Brown Pelicans wait to be cleaned in June 2010, at a rescue center in Fort Jackson, Louisiana. Photo: Daniel Beltrá

I’d seen the Brown Pelicans at peace, just two weeks before the fog of madness began to seep in. It was evening on Louisiana’s California Bay, and the setting sun made the grass look as green as anything in this world. The pelicans packed onto a small island, inches apart, pairs sitting on mound nests on the ground, fearless. They had come off the endangered species list only months ago, the success story of a species rebounding after brutal overhunting and DDT poisoning. The rescue effort had worked. It seemed we had found a way to live together after all.

And then oil began roaring out of a violent bore in the seafloor, as if eager to make up for eons in the underworld. Eleven men died in chaos and terror. Humanity proved powerless against the onslaught. It would take a few more spins of this Earth around its axis, but wind and tides would bring that oil to the heart of the pelicans’ sanctuary.

The oil reached many other birds, too. I’d see adolescent Roseate Spoonbills, their pink feathers brown with oil, drowning Laughing Gulls, and doomed Royal Tern chicks. I would see the human toll: Servers weeping in restaurants. Businesses shuttered, communities scattered, families separated. Seafood industries in turmoil. Jobs gone. A lost summer of tourism. A couple standing together atop a dune as wave after wave of red and orange oil washed up onto the sand. The Gulf was closed for business.

The spill marked one more stanza in the long, uneasy ballad of our relationships with one another and with all life on Earth. Just five years before, Hurricane Katrina killed more than 1,800 people and wreaked more than $160 billion of havoc. The storm was magnified by decades of environmental degradation that had turned vast wetlands into open water, leaving New Orleans exposed. Katrina’s toll was also sharply intensified by human failures and prejudices that left the poor, the elderly, the disabled, and the city’s Black and brown residents most defenseless in the face of horrendous crisis. When we fail to consider the fullness of one another’s humanity in our environmental policies, we deepen cycles of injustice and harm.

We haven’t yet learned how to live alongside pelicans, and we haven’t learned how to live alongside one another, either. As I write, news is breaking of 1 billion animals dead from Australia’s wildfires, on top of immense human cost. Ice is melting, seas are rising, coral reefs are bleaching, extinctions are accelerating, peoples are being displaced, and droughts are deepening. In 2010 we saw people, birds, dolphins, and turtles suffer and die amid Deepwater Horizon’s flames and oil. Today the scale of suffering and death unfolding as our climate warms boggles the mind, activating all our individual and collective defense mechanisms. Block. Stop. Deny. Distract. Exploit.

The slowly spreading oil slick approaches the Louisiana coast, east of the Mississippi River, two weeks after the April explosion. Photo: Daniel Beltrá

In the Gulf, the best-funded environmental restoration initiative in world history is underway, cause for great hope. At the same time, our government is slashing environmental safeguards with abandon, even the venerable Migratory Bird Treaty Act, which defended all those birds in the Gulf and held BP financially accountable for its harm.

Today the scale of suffering and death unfolding as our climate warms boggles the mind

By now we know very well that human economic and social well-being depend on a clean and healthy environment. In such challenging times, we must boldly reimagine how we will relate to that environment and to one another.

I imagine that as a society, we could build a set of environmental policies and practices that lift up every person, not just the most able, fortunate, or powerful, and certainly not just those of one favored race or class. I imagine we could be brave enough to treat every other human being as fully equal to ourselves.

I imagine too that we could build into those environmental policies and practices a commitment to the innate worth and independence of all species with whom we share this planet, from Brown Pelicans to bald cypresses. I imagine that we could value their lives beyond the utility they lend our own.

These are not primarily scientific challenges. They are choices of morality, of politics, of faith, of will, of accountability. What do you choose, and what are you going to do about it?

Author’s note, April 13, 2020:

Since my essay about the 10-year anniversary of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill went to print in Audubon’s Spring 2020 issue, the Gulf Coast has closed for business once again—this time with the rest of America. The COVID-19 pandemic tearing through our communities has created a dire catastrophe across our nation and across the world. So many aspects of this crisis are unprecedented, yet so many are familiar, too. Years of warnings by scientific and medical experts were minimized or ignored. Some government responses have been shaped by ego and greed, instead of evidence and humanity. Marginalized people are dying at higher rates in a toll that already exceeds eleven times that of Hurricane Katrina and seven times that of 9/11. Under cover of chaos, polluters are making new gains in their quest to smash safeguards that protect us all. And yet, courageous people in communities, businesses, nonprofits, governments—and most especially in healthcare—are making a difference every day. So as this crisis deepens, as the BP oil spill anniversary passes quietly, and as we note the 50th Earth Day remembrance on April 22, I ask again: In what kind of world do you want to live, and what are you going to do about it?

While working in the Gulf for Audubon, David J. Ringer was deeply involved in the emergency spill response in 2010. He’s now Audubon’s Chief Network Officer.

[hellofastestnewsfan]

The coronavirus pandemic has now touched nearly every corner of the globe, but each country has responded in its own way. How does the United States’s response compare to others?

On this episode of Social Distance, Katherine Wells and James Hamblin call Maeve Higgins, a writer and comedian who left New York a month ago to return to her native Ireland. She shares her perspective on the vastly different ways both countries are responding to the coronavirus, and what the pandemic has exposed about the U.S. immigration system.

Listen to their full conversation here:

Subscribe to Social Distance on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or another podcast platform to receive new episodes as soon as they’re published.

What follows is an edited and condensed transcript of their conversation.

Katherine Wells: So you were living in New York, where you befriended Jim, but you are not from New York. Maeve Higgins: I moved there seven years ago in January, and I'm Irish. Wells: What prompted you to return to Ireland? Higgins: Anyone who knows Jim or reads his writing will know that he started to get worried about the coronavirus ahead of most of the rest of us. And then this red-faced old Irish man, who's the head of the WHO Emergencies Program, was also getting really frantic about it. He's been through a number of Ebola crises. I heard him a few times, and I thought, He's such a serious person, and he's taking this really seriously. Then on March 9, the Irish government canceled St. Patrick's Day. And when I heard that was canceled, it seemed like the bat signal calling everybody home—like a shamrock in the sky. And I thought, OK, this is serious. It's coming to Ireland. It's coming to America. I began talking to my friends who are ex-pats and immigrants. And my other friend from Ireland and I just decided to book a flight in case flights stopped, which was a fear at the time. A lot of countries were saying, "Come home now or you'll miss your chance." I decided to return to Ireland because the government here seemed to be responding better. The signals they were sending out, and the way they were talking about it, seemed more responsible and more alert. James Hamblin: The numbers that I've seen coming out of Ireland, as opposed to the U.K., for example, reassure me that you made a good decision in terms of a safe place to be. The last numbers I saw were that 365 people have died in Ireland of COVID-19, as opposed to 11,329 in the U.K., which granted, has a larger population. But still, the rate of mortality is noticeably lower in Ireland. Higgins: It's an interesting comparison. The British and Irish media are at loggerheads at the moment because we're neighbors, we share a land border, we're both islands; there are a lot of similarities. U.K. does have 16 times more people than we do and more population density. But Boris Johnson was deliberately shaking hands with people and talking about a “herd immunity” policy at the start of the pandemic, whereas Ireland had put in social distancing about a week or two before Britain. It will take a while for it all to play out. But at the moment, I think the Irish governments have done a better job than the British governments for sure. Hamblin: What was it like quarantining at home after you traveled? You and I had talked about this: You didn't want to introduce risk to your parents, but you have more space in their home there than in your home in New York City. You can actually quarantine safely within your home in Ireland. Higgins: When we first arrived from the United States, my friend and I just got an Airbnb in a seaside town. There were lovely beaches and cliff walks and sunsets there; it felt very strange being there and watching the coronavirus engulfing New York. But I'm now back home with my parents and living my 17-year-old self’s nightmare life. I live basically in front of my uncle's farm, on an island off of Ireland. And my parents grow tons of food. So I'm really very lucky. I'm watching Donald Trump really endangering people. And then I'm watching our prime minister here, Leo Varadkar, who’s literally a doctor, and he has actually gone back to work as a doctor. So there are a lot of really appalling contrasts that are hard to get my head around. Hamblin: Can you tell us a little bit more about what it's like to be back home now? Higgins: Basically, it feels that my life is on pause, which I think is a pretty common reality for a lot of us. I keep thinking, OK, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to get really fit. And I fully appreciate my brain for giving me that relief of imagining a new version of myself emerging triumphant. But I think if I can just keep it together, and if my loved ones keep safe and healthy, then that would just be extraordinary. Hamblin: Maeve, things have worked out really well for you. But you also write about the issues of immigration around the world. What could have gone wrong for someone in a similar situation of not being a U.S. citizen or finding themselves abroad at a time like this? Higgins: A story that I've been really paying attention to is the experience of migrant workers and undocumented immigrants in places like Saudi Arabia and the U.S. In Saudi Arabia they have been totally abandoned by their employers. And in the U.S., the only taxpayers left out of the stimulus package [certain] immigrants without work authorization who still work and pay taxes. But they're not allowed to get the $1200 from the stimulus package. And so many of them don't have health care and are afraid to go about getting health care. There's always been a lot of cruelty in the U.S. immigration system, but this particular cruelty seems insane to me, because you're cutting people out of any protection. And you could make the argument that if some of us are sick, all of us are sick. The only way to defeat this virus is by taking care of the entire population. But I guess that argument didn't work. And they've been left out. I think it could be dangerous for everybody. Hamblin: It's absolutely dangerous for everyone. But even in a situation like infectious diseases, we have these biases that make us unwilling to understand that, in the case of prisons or homeless shelters, you can't just let some people get sick and hope other people won't. Wells: I'm curious if this has made you think differently. If it’s flipped your perception of the U.S. in any way, or if it's changed how you feel about living here. Higgins: This has always been a struggle going on in my brain, because I understand the brutality of America's history and present, but I love New York. I live there deliberately, and I've met the best people there. And it's so good for me. But [America’s brutality] has always been a thought, and I think a crisis shatters all these windows in this mansion and causes you to see very clearly into every corner and see what the walls are really made of. And it just becomes impossible not to face it head on.

from The Atlantic https://ift.tt/2Vq7E9u