#and has a new family of his own - leon doesn't feel right stepping into that space given the circumstances.

[leqonsluv3r]

Hey, do you have a lot of requests rn?

I'd have a fic idea👀 so reader (female) would have been taken to Leon's family for some reason, been living there sometime now and Leon's dad just despises her and makes her do gross chores or whatnot, being mean for no reason, degrading a bit and Leon would let it happen, just kinda watch from aside but quickly enough he'd feel bad and would apologize for his dad behavior and tell her that he (Leon) doesn't feel that way, that he actually likes having her around etc. He could be plotting to kick his dads ass for it but the reader would stop those thoughts, then they'd talk and some things leads to others and soon they're making out and they have sex?! 🫣 You can decide if either one is a virgin or both🤔

my own cinderella

—re!4 leon kennedy x fem!reader

—a oneshot (request)

masterlist taglist

warnings: MDNI, 18+, virgin!reader, kinda dom!leon, best friends to lovers, leon’s dad being an asshole, reader is definitely like cinderella (loosely), grinding, lots of kissing and making out, unprotected pnv action, he’s soft with reader but not rough either (if that makes any sense lmao), they both love each other but they’re too chicken shit to admit it, reader is female and uses (she/her) pronouns, leon calls reader princess, nipple play, oral (f receiving), aftercare.

“she’s the sweetest thing in his life. always has been since they were kids, she was the lace to his leather. the flowers to his dirt, the sugar to his salt. so when he needs her, as her best friend. he takes her in, takes care of her. as they get older, he grows attached. having her living in his house, living this close. he needs to help her, to love her. his father is taking advantage of her, letting her pay him back in chores. she was his princess, he needed to save her. what better way then to just have her all to himself?”

—or leon gets his very own cinderella and gives her the happy ending she deserves

an: i’m so sorry this took so long to get written. my life has been a crazy mess lately. i’m still unpacking and decorating my new place, working and all the other shit that comes with life. i hope this is what you wanted, pls reblog and like, i appreciate it <3 it’s super long, a gift for being MIA for so long my lovelies.

she started living with leon and his family when she was around 15. it wasn’t her first choice of course, she was supposed to go live with her aunt in maine. but leon was one of her best friends, they were practically next door neighbors.

but when her aunt was tested for drugs and came back as an unfit guardian for her, leon’s father stepped in and made sure she had a place to live.

she loved that she had a place to stay, especially with leon around. everything wasn’t so scary. her parents getting sent to jail for embezzlement…wasn’t on her bingo card for that year. but leon made it okay, he made her laugh and he made sure she was comfortable staying with him and his family.

she got to keep attending the same private school as he did, got to experience life with her friends. she got somewhat of a happy ending.

at least that’s what it looked like from the outside.

what came with leon’s father taking guardianship over her, came with her getting the brunt of the chores. doing laundry for him and his family, cleaning all the rooms of the large house. it was things that she didn’t sign up for but she got to live in a large house with her best friend.

that was good enough? right?

wrong, even the years that passed as she became older became more difficult. especially when she turned 18 and the guardianship broke. she couldn’t leave because she had no money to her name, plus, leon’s dad offered to pay for her college courses.

so on-top of trying to attend lectures and do the loads of homework that came with being a college student. she had to stay and keep “working” around the house that should’ve been her sanctuary that was anything but.

she felt miserable but it wasn’t all bad, leon stayed home with her. he took a gap year, plus his dad was away a lot. she knew she should keep her wandering eyes to herself, that she shouldn’t have a crush on her bestfriend. she should just mind her own business and work until she can pay off her debt.

but no, he was there.

he was so handsome. so sweet to her, he always had been. she didn’t know how he was still single. he had the money, the title that came with his last name and the looks. if she was any other girl, she would’ve snatched him up by now.

but this was a different reality, leon was her friend. she couldn’t think of another reality where he was anything but that. where his thoughts were anything past platonic.

only if she saw the times he would look at her when she was bending over to clean, the times she didn’t see him looking. the dark blue of his eyes tracing her curves with just a small widening of his irises.

then she would know his thoughts were way past platonic and had been for a very long time.

one day in particular, leon’s dad was gone on a buisness trip. she had cleaned the entire house with the help of the maids, making sure her list of tasks was completed for her “guardians” approval.

she was sitting in her room, looking at the assignments on her desk. she knew she had so many classes that she needed to finish her assignments for. she had just been so busy with her chores or tasks, she hadn’t even had time to start her homework.

she started working and as she did, she got so immersed into it that she didn’t notice leon who was standing at her open bedroom doorway.

he cleared his throat and she whipped around in her desk chair, “christ! leon!” she says with a small gasp as she looked at him. he crossed his arms over his chest, “studying hard, princess?” he says with one of his famous smirks on his face.

the nickname he always called her had stuck from childhood and it still made her blush, she tipped her lips up in a crooked grin. “i didn’t know you’d be home today.”

he shrugs and walks into her bedroom, looking around at all the various things hung on the walls, he sees a couple pictures of them as kids. “i had an off day.” he says as he smiles at the picture of the them as kids.

she follows his eyes and tilts her head, “do you remember that?” she gets up from the desk chair and stands beside him, looking at the pictures on the cork board.

he looks from the cork board full of miscellaneous pictures of them, the one he saw in particular was a picture of them when they were 11 and they were getting they’re faces painted. she remembers that day, it was one of the happiest days she’d ever had. her parents were not in jail, her and leon were happy kids and things hadn’t gone to shit yet.

he nods, “yeah, that was a good day.” he says with a look of nostalgia on his face. he was the only constant good thing in her life and they both knew that. the only good thing she could rely on.

he has the urge to tell her things that he’s said a thousand times, but now it feels different since the change inside of him.

since he started looking at her differently, since he started feeling things deep down that he normally wouldn’t feel in a situation like this.

but his best friend was living with him, had been living with him for years because of her parents. his dad had been kind, gracious even and offered her a roof.

he knew that she worked her ass off, made the house and the mansion look impeccable with the help of the maids hired by his father.

but he still wanted her, wanted to take her away. he wanted to do something, he wanted her. he needed her and he was going to have her.

one way or another.

because she was his princess and she deserved more then what was given to her.

later that night, he was staying home instead of going out. normally on a friday night he would be hanging with his friends or going to the bar. but tonight, he was staying home.

he didn’t know how much longer he could take of watching her move around his orbit and not be his. how much menial labor he could watch her do for his father until he snapped. he wanted to scream and yell at his father, tell him it was unfair. but it was like trying to convince an ocean not to be blue, completely out of nature.

but he wanted to give her a break, give her something that she could latch onto so things didn’t seem so terrible. he already had her as a best friend, his love…went way beyond platonic.

so did his attraction.

so he offered for her to watch a movie with him, like when they both were kids.

she had obliged, she needed a break from studying and homework anyways. she was coming up on her midterms for her classes at college and she was losing her mind.

so this was a welcome distraction, he was also the welcome distraction. she had noticed changes over the years in him, his hair and his facial structure. more importantly, he’d been going to the gym. a lot.

his muscles almost needed their own names, they were a part of them. but they were huge. she had never seen muscles that big on any man ever. he could probably crush her like a grape, the thought was welcoming as it was arousing.

she shouldn’t be attracted to her best friend, not when she’s living under his dads roof and basically living here somewhat rent free.

but she was a girl, she had eyes. how could she not ogle him when he was mowing the lawn or had come back all sweaty from the gym? it was human nature. that was her justification in her mind, she was free to look but not to touch.

she’d ruin her friendship and her living situation if she even kissed him.

at least that’s what she thought.

they had been watching the movie for about 30 minutes when she felt his hand on her leg. she didn’t think much of it at first, it didn’t bother her.

she just thought that maybe it was accident and maybe he was just needing some comfort. excuses that she made up in her mind to make herself try and not feel the attraction that was pulsing in between her thighs.

she shifted under his hand on her thigh, letting him rest it there comfortably. out of the corner of her eye she could see the way his hand laid there almost protectively.

however, about halfway through the movie his hand was holding protectively and tightly to her inner thigh. so close and yet so far from where her clit was pulsing beneath her sweats.

she licked her lips, her mouth feeling dry. she didn’t dare look over in his direction, then he would know that this was affecting her. that his possessive and small hold on her leg was affecting every nerve ending in her body.

she prayed that he would just forget it, move his hand away. that was one part of her anyway, the other part wanted him to dip his fingers underneath her underwear and sweatpants.

but the was the horny part of her.

she swallowed when he gripped the fat of her thigh, hard. making her clit pulse in her panties and her pussy practically start drooling. she keeps her eyes on the tv, trying to get rid of the not so PG thoughts that were circulating around her brain.

but he was determined, unbeknownst to her.

he leaned over next to her and brushed some hair back behind her ear with his free hand, making her shiver. “got something on your mind, princess?” he says in a low timbre that she had never heard before.

she felt something inside of her change after he said that, his hand still roughly gripping at her thigh. she willed her mouth to work and words to leave it. she shakily exhaled, “leon…your hand on my thigh…” she says weakly.

she wish it would’ve come out better, not the words she would’ve opted before but it was something. she felt nervous, aroused and a million other things all at once. her virgin body didn’t know how much more it could handle.

“what about it?” he whispers as he lowers his mouth to nip at the shell of her ear, she felt like that alone would make her moan but she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth, keeping quiet.

“feels good…” she mumbles out as she leans into his touch on her leg, trying to subtly get his fingers to move closer to where she really needed them. he chuckles softly against her ear, “poor baby, i’m touching your thigh and your already a mess.”

his mocking only furthered her arousal, made her underwear uncomfortably wet. she turned her face to look at him, her nose brushing against his. their close proximity on the couch made her mind fuzzier then usual.

“you sure about this, princess?” he says softly against her lips, their breath mingling together. she thinks for a second, feeling the warmth of him and his hand squeezing her thigh roughly but with a tender sweep of his thumb.

does she want to ruin her friendship for the attraction she’s feeling? yes, yes she does. she might regret this later but a part of her thinks she can trust him. she’s known him for years, he’s her best friend, they’ve seen each other at their worst.

so when she says, “yes.” she doesn’t regret what happens next.

he smirks widely against her lips, his hand squeezes her thigh more. his lips press against her and she moans a little against his lips.

they make out for what feels like an eternity, her hands intertwined into his hair and their lips never leaving each others. the movie drowning on in the background and they both couldn’t care less.

she ends up on top of his lap, not even noticing that she’s grinding on his pants. she knows what it is she’s grinding against, she wasn’t born yesterday. she’s read smut book upon smut book in her lifetime.

he groans against her lips, carding a hand into her own hair and tugging on it as he feels her grind against his erection in his pants. “keep doing that and i’ll bust in my pants.” he whispers with a low husky chuckle in between kisses.

she feels her cheeks flush, “sorry.” she whispers with a tinge of embarrassment in her features, pulling back a little and her movements against his hips stopping. he brushes some hair out of her face, seeing her pink flushed cheeks.

“don’t be sorry, princess. i just don’t think you understand what your doing.” he says with a small daze in his eyes, she finds herself leaning into his touch on her hair. she blinks at him, “i knew what i was doing…i think?” she says with a small doubtful furrow of her brows.

he shakes his head and laughs, knowing that she knew some things but probably not a lot. “let me ask you something, okay? from one best friend to another?” he says with a small tilt of his head, letting his hands coast down to her hips and hold her protectively.

she nods and blinks at him, adjusting herself on his lap a little. he takes a deep breath and gives her a reassuring smile, “are you still a virgin?” he asks her softly, not a hint of judgement in his voice. there’s was no ulterior motive, he just wanted to know.

she swallows and nods, letting a shaky breath leave her pink lips. he kneads at her skin between her sweats and her top, making sure he can comfort her in some way. he knew that she never got anywhere with guys, half the ones she chose were complete idiots anyways.

“do you want to lose it?” he says softly, another gentle question that’s not close to being an ulterior motive. he just wants to understand where her head is at right now since they kissed.

“i do…i mean, yeah.” she shrugs as she stumbles over her words a little, her cheeks still flushed easily. he thought that the way her cheeks turned red, her eyes wide and docile. it was cute, it was something that only she could pull off. if any other girl did that with him, he would be gone in a matter of minutes.

but she was different. she wanted to lose it. he just needed to make sure, make sure she understood what he was going to ask next.

“well, if you wanna lose it…i’ll give that to you.” he says gently as he caresses the skin of her hips. she blinks at him, still feeling the blush on her cheeks. she doesn’t know how to feel, should she feel nervous? feel like the butterflies are going to burst out of her stomach?

he was giving her an opportunity to lose it, to take care of her, make her feel better. he was her best friend, she trusted him more then anything. but still, she felt nervous. he would be seeing her naked, it would be intimate and vulnerable.

but also, she loved him deep down in a way that was way more then platonic.

so that’s why she leaned forward and kissed him, pressing a kiss to his lips. he smiled against her lips and gripped her hips tighter, taking her kiss as an answer.

“are you sure?” he mumbles in between kisses, making sure she’s not going to regret this later when it’s over. she nods and keeps kissing him, resuming her movements on his hips, moving them against his erection that was still very much there in his boxers and jeans.

she moans softly against his lips as she keeps grinding on him. she wraps her arms around his neck and carding her hands into his hair. she’s taking it one step at a time, listening to her gut and the butterflies swarming it.

he keeps his hands on her hips, almost guiding her as she rolls her hips over his. he groans against her lips, keeping her with him. he doesn’t want to ever let her go.

he didn’t realize that the butterflies in his own stomach were swarming wildly, attacking him when he was keeping her this close. all it took was kissing her, teasing her, holding her ontop of him.

it was years of friendship that had bubbled up into something that they both ignored until now.

he lightly guides her to lay back on the couch, pressing his chest against her own, their lips still moving against each other in a soft tangle of lips, tongues and teeth.

“princess, i’m gonna get you ready for me, okay?” he says when he pulls away from her lips, looking into her eyes. he’s going to take good care of her, as her best friend and someone who has had feelings for her for years.

she nods slowly up at him, he sees the nerves in her eyes. “if you want me to stop at any time, you tell me okay? and i will. i don’t want you to be uncomfortable, i would never want you to be.” he says gently as he brushes some hair out of her face.

“i will, i promise.” she whispers, the nervous energy thrumming through her body was put at ease a little by his words. “okay, princess.” he whispers softly as he leans down and presses kisses along her jawline to the collar of her shirt.

“such a pretty girl…” he whispers in between kisses to her neck, one of his hands going under her shirt and tracing the soft skin of her stomach.

she feels herself get more aroused with every kiss and word he says, helping her take off her shirt. he is gentle with his movements, taking off each piece of her clothing until she’s down to her bra and panties.

he leans back between her spread legs on the couch, admiring the way she looks all flushed and half-naked on the couch, she really is a dream. he feels more protective of her now, possessive, like he needs to keep her for himself.

the part of him that’s almost primal, a part he would like to keep hidden but he doesn’t know how much longer he can, not when he’s about to take her virginity.

“god, your so beautiful.” he says softly, his eyes roving over her frame. she feels her cheeks heat up all over again, wanting to hide from the embarrassment and just the way he’s eating her alive with his blue eyes.

he doesn’t let her hide, he leans down and presses his lips to the skin of her breast right where her bra is hiding her breasts. “good fucking…” he growls as he nips at the skin of her breast.

her body is shaking and she lets out some whimpers, squirming a little underneath him on the couch. “i’m gonna take your bra off, see these beautiful titties you’re hiding from me.” he says with another nip right above her bra.

she nodded and grabbed at his shirt, “take yours off.” she says with a small pant of her lips. he chuckles lowly and leans back on his haunches in between her legs.

he strips off his own t-shirt to showcase the soft muscles and planes of skin, she’s seen him shirtless before but these circumstances were far different. she lets out a breathy exhale.

“your turn.” he says with a small chuckle as he leans down and pulls down the bra straps on her bra. “lean up,” he guides her up so he can reach around and unclip it on the back.

finally, her bra is off and he throws it with her other clothes on the floor. he looks at her breasts, a groan leaving his lips. “my fucking��god, princess.” he says with a small sigh, he’s trying his best not to bust in his pants at the sight of her bare.

he doesn’t even hesitate as he leans down and captures one of her breasts in his mouth, using his other hand to pinch and pull at her nipple. he’s feasting on her like he’s a man starved.

she feels her underwear practically drenched at this point, moaning and gripping at his hair to keep his mouth on her.

she’s never felt like this before and he hasn’t really even done anything yet. she arches her back more, pushing her breast into his mouth more.

he swirls his tongue around her breast, feeling his cock straining in his pants, if he doesn’t release it soon…it’s going to bust in his pants.

he groans around her nipple and then moves to the next one giving it the same attention he just gave the other one, her body shaking and writhing beneath him like crazy.

he trails his lips away from her breasts, kissing down the plane of her stomach until he reaches the band of her underwear. he looks up at her from between her legs and silently asks her for permission.

she nods down at him and he hooks his fingers in the band of her underwear, pulling them down over her hips and tossing them with the rest of her clothes. he pulls back to marvel at her wet folds, how completely wrecked she is and he hasn’t even done that much yet.

the thought that he’s the first one to do any of this, touch her body like this, it drives him insane. it makes him almost feral as he leans in between her legs, keeping her thighs open and pressing kisses to the skin of her inner thighs.

“so fucking gorgeous, princess. is this all for me?” he grumbles lowly against the skin of her thighs, she feels the flushed skin of her cheeks heat up more.

the compliment only making her more aroused, practically painful at this point. she licks her dried lips, “yes…all for you.” she mumbles as she tries to control her breathing.

he chuckles against the skin of her inner thigh, still going farther down to her core. she feels her chest rise and falling faster and faster, those nerves returning as he leans down and presses a kiss to her clit.

her body instantly reacting, he loops his hands around her thighs and keeps them open. he presses more kisses to her clit until she’s a moaning mess, finally deciding to put her out of her misery.

he licks a stripe up her wet slit with his tongue, she moans softly and tilts her head back against the couch. she has never felt anything like this before, a whole other feeling that she couldn’t get from her fingers or a toy.

he keeps licking over her slit, practically drinking her up and devouring her like she was a five course meal. he uses one of his hands and plunges two fingers into her dripping entrance.

he had to prep her, he didn’t want to completely just rush in and hurt her. it didn’t matter how wet she was, he didn’t want to risk it.

she feels that feeling in her belly warm up and coil tighter, she starts shaking and moaning more, her moans growing in pitch. “so close…” she whimpers as he keeps plunging his fingers in and out of her entrance.

“mhm, gonna come all over my fingers like a good girl.” he mumbles softly, almost a feline smile on his lips as he presses a kiss to her slit and licks it as he keeps fingering her, his words twisted that coil tighter.

she feels herself fall apart after a few more pumps of his fingers and then another kiss to her clit, working her through her orgasm. he’s trying to be gentle, take his time but it’s hard when he’s watching her fall apart like that.

“so good, you did so good.” he praises lowly as he kisses up from her slit, over her stomach and breasts, then kisses her lips. she moans softly against his lips, tasting her own release on his mouth. she feels the fingers that were inside of her, trailing over her stomach.

his hand grabbing at her breast and squeezing it as he keeps kissing her. he pulls away slowly and looks down at her flushed face, “your so beautiful.” he whispers as he looks at her with nothing but admiration in his eyes.

she smiles lazily up at him, “thank you.” she whispers with a small pant out of her lips, he strokes some more hair out of her face. “you did amazing.” he whispers softly as he looks down at her.

the praise melts her into a puddle, still wet and probably leaking all over his dads couch. she doesn’t even care at this point. his dad was a whole other issue entirely that she didn’t want to even think of when she was with him.

it was just her and leon right now, the outside world ceased to exist.

“do you want me to keep going, princess?” he says with a small sigh as he traces lines down her stomach and down to her hips.

she thinks about it, about all of it. about his hands on her body and about the way he touches her so tenderly. how he’s not forcing her, how much she trusts him.

she can’t say no now, she can’t back out.

she licks her lips, “yeah, i want you to keep going. i want it.” she whispers as she looks up at him.

he smiles a boyish grin that makes her heart flutter uncontrollably, one that she’s seen a thousand times and it makes her breath catch. he presses a soft kiss to her lips, “i can do that. if it hurts too much, let me know. let me know and we can stop, okay? i already told you…” he trails off and she smiles softly up at him.

“yeah, i know. you’ve said that already.” she giggles softly as he leans back on his knees again in between her legs on the couch. “i know, i just…i want you to feel comfortable. i love you.” he mumbles the last part and if she wasn’t really listening, she wouldn’t have caught it.

but she did.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

it was echoing through her brain as he took off his pants and boxers, mixing her brain and making her all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

even when she saw his cock, all hard and long, the precum oozing out of the tip. she shakily exhales, the beating of her heart intensifies. she doesn’t know if it’s from his confession or the fact that his erection is just out.

she’s seeing him naked, fully naked. they match each other now, fully bare in front of each other. they can’t go back to normal after this, a reality she doesn’t want to face yet.

especially after…

i love you. i love you. i love you.

she looks up at him, reaching out for his arm as he starts to lean over her. he looks at her, his blue eyes linking with her own eyes. “what? what’s that look on your face for?” he says huskily as he takes in the look of admiration and lust in her eyes.

“you love me?” she whispers shakily, doesn’t feel like it’s falling out of her lips. he feels his breath catch and then escape, he can’t lie to her. not when she heard it. when she was naked and beautiful, everything he’s ever wanted wrapped up underneath him.

“i do, i love you…i think i’ve loved you for a long time.” he whispers as he slots himself between her legs, his cock rubbing against her wet folds. the intimacy, she thought she would hate it, run from it. but no, she was here with him and this was happening.

the words made this moment more sweet and memorable, the ache in her heart was bittersweet. to know that the feeling that she kept hidden for so long was reciprocated.

“i love you too. in a non-platonic way.” she whispers with a small nervous smile as she reaches up and touches the skin of his cheekbone.

he has that boyish smirk on his face as he hovers over her, looking into her eyes and tracing the lines of her face. “you do, huh? how long…?” he says with a small bit of teasing in his voice.

her arousal still uncomfortable but she put it on the back burner for now, she was finally getting to confess. finally getting to tell him all she felt for him over their years of friendship.

“maybe three or four years? i don’t know.” she giggles softly, “i couldn’t explain when it started.” she whispers as she traces a line down his jaw and over the moles on his neck.

“that’s okay, princess. i don’t need a timeline. i’m just glad you love me back, that’s all i could ever want from you.” he says softly and he’s almost sentimental deep down underneath it all.

but his dick is still rock hard against her wet folds. she doesn’t feel it go unnoticed, not any of this. “that and my virginity.” she jokes poorly as she smiles shyly up at him.

he shakes his head, smirking playfully, “no, you’re giving it to me. there’s a difference. i’m gonna make it so good for you. it’s what someone like you deserves.” he says sweetly as he leans down and presses a firm but soft kiss against her lips.

she sighs against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck as he hovers over her. they love each other, it’s echoing in his brain and he doesn’t want it to ever disappear.

he slips his hand in between them and guides his cock through her wet folds, coating it with arousal and causing her to moan into his kiss. he hovers his lips over hers, “just relax, take a deep breath or it’s going to hurt.” he says gently as he nudges the tip of his cock into her entrance.

she nods and cards a hand into his hair, following his gentle command and taking deep breaths. he gently slides in inch by inch, letting her breathe through it. “it’s okay, you can take it.” he whispers softly, pressing a kiss to the corner of her lips.

she heaved a small breath, his cock slipping farther and farther in until he was fully sheathed inside of her. he stills for a couple moments, reading her expression.

“are you okay? does it hurt?” he asks gently as he caresses her cheek, she takes a shaky inhale and exhale. “not as bad…” she whispers softly as she looks up at him.

she feels a small sting, he’s definitely bigger then she expected. “take a moment, adjust and then i’ll move.” he says as he presses another soft kiss to her lips.

he stays still for a moment until she nods slowly, gesturing for him to move. he doesn’t hesitate, he slowly starts rocking his hips against hers.

she feels her eyes squeeze shut, she feels so full and just so happy. everything feels blissful like she’s on cloud nine. he presses a kiss to her neck, burying his head there as he keeps rolling his hips against hers. she wraps her arms around his neck and then her legs around his hips.

her pussy was squeezing him and it was hard for him to hold back, she was so tight, he was trying to control himself as best as he could.

“fuck…so tight…” he mumbles against her neck as he keeps rolling his hips, he goes a little bit harder. his hips rolling a little bit deeper and faster.

she leans her head back, her lips parted in bliss as she moans and whimpers. her little noises only making him more desperate to give her what she wants.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

it echoes through both of their brains simultaneously as they bring each other closer and closer to the edge. she’s so sweet, so good to him, always been the girl that he can go to.

been her best friend, been her confidant. he even gave her a place to stay, he helped her. her moans and his groans mingling together like sweet music as he keeps pounding his hips into hers.

“sweet girl, so fucking beautiful.” mumbled praises and compliments in between every thrust of his hips, her lips parting. she’s never looked more beautiful then right now. offering herself to him and him gladly obliging.

she’s melting underneath him, she’s close. she can feel it. he can feel the way she’s clenching around his cock, her moans growing in pitch. “don’t worry, princess. gonna let you come all over my cock.” he groans as he presses kisses all over her jaw.

that only spurs her on further, she feels it snap before she can even say anything, her nails digging into his back. she feels her body shaking as she comes all over his cock.

“oh fuck…” he groans as he feels her clench and coat his fuck in her come. he keeps rolling his hips, fucking her through her orgasm to chase his own release.

“i’m almost there, i’m almost there…” he repeats over and over as he keeps fucking into her, her eyes almost rolling into the back of her head from the overstimulation.

he keeps going until it was almost unbearable for her, his cock shooting ropes of come into her, a loud moan leaving his lips. he just kept his dick inside of her, waiting for it to soften. he needed to catch his breath, he feels like that orgasm took everything out of the both of them.

he pulls back a little to look into her eyes, “was it good? are you okay?” she blissfully smiles up at him in return. “it was perfect, felt good.” she mumbles with a small blink of her eyes.

“god, your so fucking good, princess.” he whispers in a low voice as he presses a gentle and loving kiss against her lips. she smiles against it, rubbing her hands over the small scratches on his back in a soothing gesture.

he pours all his love into the kiss, making sure she knew that he loved her, genuinely. this wasn’t just something he said to get her underneath him.

he loved her, she loved him.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

he leans back and pulls himself off of her, “im gonna clean us up, okay?” he says with a small gentle smile, slowly pulling his cock out of her entrance.

she sighs softly at the loss of his cock, feeling herself flutter around nothing. he strokes a hand over her stomach, “stay here.” he says firmly as he gets up, pulling his boxers back on. he walks into the kitchen down the long hallway, grabbing a damp paper towel and walking back.

he sits down next to her on the couch, her eyes slowly opening and closing from the exhaustion of the two orgasms she experienced. he wipes gently in between her legs, cleaning up their shared arousal.

“your okay, your okay.” he caresses her stomach in gentle rubs as he cleans in between her. she laughs a little as she looks over at the tv on the far wall of the living room.

he follows her eyes, seeing the reason for the laughter. the movies credits were rolling, he shakes his head. “if you want to actually watch it tomorrow, we can.” he says with a small teasing grin.

“if you can keep your hands off me tomorrow.” she says with a lazy smirk as she looks over at him. he gets up to throw away the paper towel, “don’t worry, i think i can manage.” he jokes.

she slowly sits up on the couch, looking at him, “do you think…your dad will kick me out when he finds out about us?” she says with a small bite to her bottom lip. he shakes his head, a small sigh leaving his lips.

he grabs his t-shirt and her underwear, handing them to her to put on. he sits down next to her as she slips the underwear over her hips and puts on his t-shirt. “don’t worry about him, i can handle him. if he has a problem we can always move out.” he says with a small smile, brushing some hair out of her face.

he continues, “i won’t leave you here with him. wherever you go, i go.” he says gently as he presses a kiss to her forehead. “your mine now, okay? you might not have agreed to it yet. but i’m not gonna let you stay here with him.” she feels her eyes swell up a little bit with tears.

just the love that he’s always had for her coming out 10x stronger than before, the whispered confessions before he took her virginity.

she smiles almost brokenly at him, a heartbreaking smile that he wants to make go away. he pulls her closer to him on the couch, wrapping his arms around her.

“i’ll follow you wherever you go.” she whispers against his bare chest, sniffling a little as she tries to keep the lump of tears at bay.

“i know you will.” he says with a small chuckle, pressing a kiss against the side of her hair. he rubs his hands over her back, the material of his t-shirt that she’s wearing kissing his palms.

“i love you.” she says softly into his chest, her breath shaky and trembling. he presses a kiss to the top of her head again, solidifying the words with his actions. “i love you too, princess. always have, always will.” he whispers tenderly against her skull.

he would always love her, he didn’t think he could ever stop. she would stick with him, he would take her away and make her happy. she’d never have to do another chore again, not if he had anything to say about it.

he rescued his princess, he won.

that mattered more then anything else.

taglist: @elihii @heartsforvin @argreion @sqiim @adollrable @leonkennedygvrl @laceycoffins @porcelainseashore @squazmine (if you want to be added interact with the link at the beginning <3)

[sleepy-achilles]

I’d love a fic of the FNAF au 👍🏻

So I deleted the whole fic I had. I've just watched the fnaf film and finally the whole fic idea came to me.

So obviously be careful if you want to watch the film. I'm taking the main storyline about Mike and abby and using that. The rest is winging it.

Notes- Not gonna lie it took me too long to finish this. To the point the quick ending ended up being awhole paragraph and cliff hanger. Sorry 😅 its been months and I forgot the original ending I had planned.

Family Of Destruction- Fnaf Au- Its Me.

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John adjusts himself on the bench. "Ketchup makes everything better, isn't that right Johnny?" His Papa asks. "Yes!" John smiles. "No it doesn't." His father teases. Shawn rolls his eyes at the bigger man. "Dont listen to dad." Shawn huffs placing the burger down infront of John. "You should always listen to me. Just ignore papa" Taker huffs. Shawn turns to face him, knocking the soda can over. "Ah...Great." Shawn sighs picking the can up as Taker chuckles and turns towards the barbecue.

Shawn turns back towards John. "Im going to grab some paper towels. Keep an eye on your brother." Shawn tells him. "Yes papa" John nods, his blue eyes land on the baby brother in question. The boy was running around the trees, the old motorbike toy in the air. John takes in his outfit, black tshirt, with a red fox on his tshirt, black jeans with a rip in them from his rough housing and dirty red trainers.

He was obsessed with the outfit. It had his favourite freddy character on it, Foxy the pirate, the only pair of jeans he'd wear, the boy lived in joggers or shorts, and the only decent pair of trainers he wore. Despite being colourblind, he seemed to favour the bright red trainers over his others. Keeping them as the only wearable ones.

John stands up from the bench and begins walking towards his brother when something catches his attention. He tilts his head and walks towards the shiny thing. As he reaches it, he kneels down and pick it up. A security badge. "Da-" he cuts himself off as he hears a car start.

John's eyes widen as adrenaline and fear take over his body. Leon is gone. He drops the badge and pushes himself up off the ground. He runs towards the car and feels his heart break with each step. "LEON!" He screams as he spots his baby brother staring at him through the back window. "LEON!"

John runs past a tree and is no longer a lanky tween. No, he's now a adult, and still running. "L-LEON!" He stops as the car speeds off. His eyes close and hands shake as the sound of children laughing and his Papa crying fills his ears.

The children was new.

John opens his eyes and is greeted by his bedroom ceiling. He sighs as he brings a heavy hand up to scrub his face. "JOHNNNN!" The small voice yells. "Im up!" John groans. The now 20 year old sits up, his legs thrown over the side of the bed. Tiredness wracks his brain, as it has done for the past 12 years.

John goes on with his morning routine before joining the girl in the kitchen. "Im hungry." The red head frowns. "Why are you up so early cassie?" John asks as he moves towards the fridge. "Because I'm hungry." Cassie pouts. "So you couldn't make yourself cereal?" John questions as he grabs the one thing he knows she wants. "You promised me-" "waffles?" John finishes holding the box up. The girl gleams at him, nodding Violently. "Alright. You do your homework?" John asks as he moves to the toaster. (Do Americans have toasters?)

"Did you find a job?" She snaps back as he pushes the waffles down.

The siblings glance at each other. "No." They both speak at the same time.

"Well, there's a new opening in the papers, a security gig!" Cassie smiles as she slowly pulls her homework out of the paper. "Yeah where too?" John asks as he starts on coffee. "That old pizza place, Freddys!" John's heart sinks.

The image of the badge coming straight to his head.

"Hey, didn't dad use to own that place?" Cassie asks. John swallows and nods. "Yeah, him and Grandpa Paul." John whispers. "Whyd they close it?" Cassie asks. John keeps his gaze on the coffee machine. How do you explain a bunch of children went missing from the restaurant your father owned without making it seem like it was him?

"You know, no one left to run it after dad passed." John lies. "After he killed himself." John looks at her. "Who told you that?" He asks. "Papa died of a broken heart, dad couldn't handle the grief of losing both papa and Lee, so he killed himself." Cassie shrugs. John just stares at her.

She wasn't wrong. But she wasn't right.

No, there father was broken hearted. But he wasn't just grieving the loss of their family, but the loss of those children. The children who went missing in his business.

A business he built in hopes of bringing joy, happiness something his childhood lacked. And all it brought was pain and misery.

John looked up as the toaster pops.

Why are they suddenly looking for a guard? Who's looking for a guard?

And that's how John began his long, dark journey with his childhood.

------------------------------------------------------------------

John taps his boots together. His legs stretched, feet on the old desk. He glances at the old monitors, eyes landing straight on the animiatrionics.

His favourite was always freddy. Bonnie was always close behind. He smiles as his eyes land on the fox. His baby brother was obsessed with it. He always found the pirate creepy.

He pauses his thought and drops his feet, leaning closer to the monitor. He could have sworn that curtain was closed. There wasn't a camera in pirates cove either.

He's about to stand when the front door buzzer goes off. His eyes snap towards the outside camera to see a police officer. "What the-" the buzzing doesn't stop. "Jesus, I'm coming" John groans grabbing his security jacket, putting it on as he rushes through the building.

He opens the door. "Yes?" The man examines him. "Officer Orton and you are?" Orton asks. John stares at him. Is he about to lie to a police officer? Yes. Yes he is. "John Cena. New security guard" John smiles. "May I come in, John?" Orton asks. "Um sure. Is something wrong?" John asks moving back. He watches as Orton moves in. "No. This place is on my usual route, so safe to say I was shocked the lights were still on." He explains as he stops infront of the cast. John pauses as he spots foxys curtain is now closed.

"What do you know about this place?" Orton asks, turning to look at John. John was definitely going to hell.

"Not much." John lies. "Place closed down a few years ago after six kids went missing. Owner killed himself a few months after. Some say it was guilt, others say it was the grief of losing his husband and youngest son" Orton explains, eyes lingering on the curtains. "And what do you believe?" John asks. "The whole world could see how tore up he was about the loss of his son. I don't believe he'd harm another child. But I do believe this place is connect. To his sons disappearance as well." Orton answers.

John's heart clenches. "Feel bad for his oldest. Lost three family members and now has to raise his baby sister all on his own. Kid wasn't given a chance." Orton mutters pressing the showtime button. John watches as the animatronics come to life. "Hes probably not behind this though." Orton states. "No?" John asks. "God no. If its anyone it's the co-owner Bearer. Always cared more about money than ethics." Orton huffs. "Hes in town?" John questions, feeling his skin crawl. "Fuck if I know" Orton shrugs, eyes lingering on bonnie. "If your asking me, he's the evil bastard behind the kidnappings." Orton mutters as his radio starts going off.

John watches the officer. "I gotta go. Try to not let this place get to ya, yeah John?" Orton asks. "It won't, orton-" "call me randy." Randy smirks shaking his hand. "Randy." John smiles nodding. "See you around." John watches as Randy walks out.

The door shuts and the music suddenly stops.

John turns and looks at the animals. "This is going to be a long week.." he sighs hitting the button, watching the curtains close.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Cassie huns to herself as she draws. The colourful characters of the freddy crew. A voice joins in with her humming.

She looks up to see a boy, he must be younger than her. He has blonde hair, a black streak in his curtain. He has green and blue eyes, tan skin and beautiful freckles. She's seen him before. He was always nice and sweet to her. "Hello" cassie smiles. The boy just tilts his head before pointing down at the picture. Cassie looks down at it. "Oh those are the robots from my dad's restaurant" cassie smiles looking back up. She takes in the boys outfit, immediately spotting foxy. "But you must know that" cassie smiles.

"Cass? Who are you talking to?" Scott calls as he walks in. Cassie looks at her godfather. "What?" Cassie turns back to see the boy gone. "I..I saw a boy..I swear-" cassie looks back at Scott. "A boy? Can you describe him to me?" Scott asks moving closer. "Yeah" she nods as he sits down.

------------------------------------------------------------------

John stares at the car as it speeds away. He turns as the children start laughing. He freezes at the children stood behind him. One girl, five boys. One of the boys faces is hidden by a golden freddy mask. He stands in the front. One of the boys stands behind him and the others are stood behind them in a long line.

The furthest boy has pale skin and dark hair, he seems to be dressed as bonnie. The boy next to him has a ginger mowhawk and seems to he foxy. The next boy has a buzzcut and is dressed like freddy. The only girl has long blonde hair and is dressed like chica. The boy behind golden freddy has long black hair, tears staining his cheek, red rosy cheeks.

"D..did you see who took my brother?" John asks. The golden head tilts. And then the kids take off running. "Wait!" John gasps turning and chasing the slowest kid, the one dressed as foxy. John, not paying attention, tricks on a rock both of them do. John pushes up and grabs the kid.

The kid screams and drags his hook across John's arm. John pushes back and gasps as he hits the floor of the pizzeria.

He sits up and his arm immediately throbs. He looks down to see blood. "What the.." he glances at the monitor to see foxy gone from his stage. He pulls himself up and goes to change the cameras when his alarm goes off.

6am.

Time to go home.

Night 3, done.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Scott watches as Kevin paces. Kevin stops as John walks in.

"Kev? What's happened?" John immediately panicks.

"Nothing. Cassies asleep." Scott mutters. "Whats going on?" John asks. "Scott heard cassie talking to someone" Kevin states. "She does that, she has imaginary friend-" "it's Leon. She described Leon. We showed her a picture and she said yeah, that's my friend." Kevin cuts in. John's eyes widen. "What does she know about Leon?" Scott asks. "Nothing. Just that he existed and that he went away...we..we never talked about him much." John admits. Kevin looks at Scott.

"Hows the new job going?" Scott asks. John adjusts his hoodie. "Fine. Just a boring old security job" John shrugs. Kevin grabs his arm. John yelps and tries to pull back. "Why are you working at that hell hole?" Kevin snaps. "Why do you care?" John hisses. "Hes hurt Kevin." Scott mutters standing up. "Im fine." Kevin forces his sleeve up. "Ill grab the first aid kit." Scott sighs. "You should stay far away from that place." Kevin warns him. "You know the truth don't you?" John asks. "What truth?" "One of the officer, he thinks Leon's disappearance is linked to the missing kids from the restaurant" John states.

Kevin loosens his grip. "The only person who saw what happened that day, is you John." Kevin reminds him. John frowns. "I know that. You don't think I don't?" John grits his teeth. "If only I could remember..papa m..." John's eyes begin to water. "It ain't your fault kid. That sick bastard did this, he took them from you. And could he be the same guy that took those kids? Yeah, wouldn't surprise me." Kevin tells him. John looks down. "But if you've taken the job there just to feed the obsession you have about finding Leon's kidnapper, you need to quit. Its not healthy for you. Cassie doesn't need you ending up like your parents." Kevin warns him.

"Ill be careful." He whispers as Scott returns. "How'd this happen?" Scott asks. "I..I don't know." John sighs as he's forced to sit. "Cassie needs you John. Please, please be safe." Kevin pleads. "I will" John promises.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The fourth night.

John searches for his jacket. "Im going to be late." He groans. He opens his bedroom door and is immediately greeted by cassie wearing his jacket. "I need that." John states. "I have to come with you. Scott had to cancel. He said he told you." Cassie states. John straightens. Oh fuck.

Scott did tell him.

And John forgot to hire a babysitter.

"Shit!" He curses.

"Shit!"

"No! Bad word!" John barks as he rushes to the phone.

------------------------------------------------------------------

John sits at his desk with a frown.

He shouldn't have brought her here. He sways in his office chair, glancing back at his sleeping sister. They built her a little tent at the back of the office. He turns back to the cameras to see bonnie and chica gone. "Fuckkk" he groans letting his head fall back.

"Im cassie."

John freezes. Did he just hear cassie?

"I had a brother named Leon."

John turns around quickly and his eyes widen in fear. Cassie is stood looking at a big golden Fred bear that's sat in the corner of the office. "Cassie?" John asks as the lights start flickering. "John...Leon here says there's a dangerous man coming and we need to leave." She states. John stands and moves to his sister. "What? What are you on about?" John asks. "Leon, he says we are not safe here." Cassie frowns. "Thats a old freddy suit, that shouldn't even be in here" John sighs. "You're not listening to me" cassie snaps. "Cassidy it's a suit. Enough." He snaps back. "No!" She yells running out. "Cassie!" He barks running after her.

He pauses as he sees her stood infront of the animatronics. "Cassie step away from them" he orders. "No." She snaps. "They are dangero-" "no! Thats Finn" she points at bonnie. "Thats sheamus" foxy. "Alexa" chica. "Cody" freddy. "And thats drew." John stares confused. "Drew?" She points behind him. John turns to see some puppet figure behind him. His eyes widen.

Wait.

"The missing children." He whispers as the puppets head tilts. He glances back at the office. "Oh god this has to be a bad dream." He whispers turning back to cassie. "Cassie" "They are friends. Friends of Leon's." Cassie states. "Friends of mine." Cassie adds. "Fuck" John groans. "Cmon! Let's clean this place up" she smiles taking John's hand.

What a long fucked up night.

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Night five.

John stares at the monitors. But that's when he spots it. The moving. All the robots are in their place, so who the fuck is this?

John grabs his flashlight and begins moving towards the main room. Nothing.

"What the fu-ow" he groans as something hits his back. He turns and feels himself pale as fear takes over. A ball sits at his feet. "Whos there!" He yells turning his flashlight on and aiming it at the hall he'd just come from. His eyes widen. "What the fuck!" He barks before taking off down the other hall.

"Get him."

------

Cassie glances up to her bedroom window at the tapping. She smiles as the golden fur shines in the light. "Leon!" She smiles opening the window. "Cmon. Johnny needs help" the voice creaks. Cassie nods and accepts the big bear paw.

----

John groans as he hits the wall and floor. "You know, it's a real shame to see another Michaels die. But...you couldn't let it be" the voice barks. John stares at the golden rabbit. The voice isn't coming from it. No. It's coming from behind it. John's eyes widen as the rabbit pulls the helmet off to reveal his uncle. "Kane" John gasps. "I enjoyed killing Lil Leon. He put up such a fight, it was a shame he had to have such a violent death compared to the rest." To confirm, kanes mouth doesn't move. "And well the rest fell into place. Your pa couldn't handle the death of Leon and fell into his own fate. And your father? He stood no chance." The voice continues. "All you had to do was stay away" the voice sighs as the other robots join kane.

"A real shame."

"John!" "What the-" the voice gets cut off with a groan. Kanes head snaps back. "Cassie?" John whispers seeing the girl stood with a boy slightly taller. "Kill them! Both of them!" The voice yells as the robots. Kane goes to move when freddy stops him. "Kill, them." A new voice speaks. As John sits up and clears his eyes, the boy turns into a golden bear.

"Cassie!" He yells finally getting his bearings. He pushes from the wall, ducking away from kanes grasp and towards the girl. He grabs her picking her up, not caring at the screams of pain coming from behind him. His eyes catch the puppet as he runs out of the building.

"What about Leon!" She cries. "We have to go!" He yells getting to his car.

Cassie stares at the building from the back seat as Leon stands in the doorway, smiling at his baby sister, waving. Cassie smiles softly and waves back.

Leon turns towards the others as they walk back in. "Their both locked away." Sheamus states. "Your brother. He's been looking for the truth for awhile now." Drew confesses as he walks over. Leon glances at the others and then the suits they hide in. "They'll end up like us. They'll suffer the same fate." Alexa states glancing towards the kitchen. "They'll be able to hurt us." Cody whispers. "No." Leon's gruff voice speaks up. "John, cassie. They'll be back. John won't stop until he knows the truth." Leon mutters looking outside to see randy walking towards the door.

He stands infront of the glass doors as randy chains and padlocks it.

"Randy will make sure of it" Leon mutters.

Randy glances at the boy and nods before walking back to his car.

"We will be free."

....

...

"Its me. Come find me."

[lone-wolf-no-more]

#DRVN30 The Beginning of the End, or "Winter Doesn't Last Forever"

My first ever blog post, anywhere.

(Starting Over at Day 1 Yet Again...tomorrow)

Just an average dude who WILL claw his way out of this, for himself, and for the sake of his family and those he cares about!

So, why am I doing this in the first place? Firstly, I have to admit, I have this obsession over getting into the DRVN inner-circle when it's over. And lastly, because I KNOW that if I push myself to do hard things, in the middle of the chaos that is my life right now, it will carry over into the future.

I'm in a place right now, geographically, mentally, etc, that it is a matter of move or die. Keep pushing forward or stagnate. Yeah, screw that. I'm not going to let myself die (so to speak), NOT going to let myself give up.

I'm living with relatives in a small home. My grandfather has graciously allowed me to set up my computer at his bedroom desk, where I type this from. Thing is, The room is directly adjacent to where he has the television on nearly every waking moment. So, that makes things interesting for sure. Let's just say I'm super glad I found that hearing protection in the tool shed.

Interspersed with this will be bits of my journal entries, which hopefully will give you some idea as to my emotional and mental state during this challenge.

Firstly, why I have to start at day 1 again:

I was on the way to bed, and somebody mentioned something they were working on. I gave my input, and it didn't end well. Instead of letting things cool off, I had to continue the conversation from my bed, texting them. Pretty pathetic, huh? I couldn't let it slide for now, I just HAD to have the last word. By texting somebody who was in THE SAME HOUSE as me. I promise you, it isn't just my machismo tendency of wanting to fix everything, and be "right" (whatever that means). It was a misdirected effort at now allowing something to continue, and be "stuck where it was, under the rug".

I have a sibling on the spectrum, ya see, and there are times that even though I think that I was very clear with what I said, they can misconstrue it as something else.

What makes it harder for them, is that they have had to put up with a LOT of totally wrong and undeserved judgement and labeling. And when I fail to communicate properly with them, and they can get upset (which doesn't happen often, but once is one too many), I can get VERY depressed. And I don't want to just let something cool off before I return to it. So I end up making things worse by continue to talk. Like, the rest of the day can go absolutely amazing. I'll get stuff done, I'll stay focused, have some small wins, stay out of trouble (whatever that may mean lol) take some small steps forward up the proverbial mountain.

But when I lose that battle against my own ego, and mess up with my sibling, I feel like none of that matters. Because I FAILED THEM, and I FAILED MYSELF. Yes, admittedly, a conversation with a person who has both had crazy trauma an who has Asperger's can be tough at times. But that just sounds like a copout to me.

So yes, I "failed" day 1, and I failed that conversation. I see these conversations as tests, tests which once they're over, they cannot be repeated.

But, "Every day is new, with no mistakes in it." Kudos if you know where that quote originates.

Also, if you have actually read all the way through this part, you are hands-down a legend.

"On with it already!" Yeah, I know I'm a windbag at times, sorry about that.

#DRVN30 Challenge Parameters

Remember, this isn't me beating myself up "like an abusive parent" as Leon Hendricks put it. This is self-care. Suffering leads to strength. Difficulty leads to diamonds.

Wake Up Time:

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I'm waking up at 8:30 AM each morning. Even if I'm not out of bed, I start the process by doing breathing exercises to help me wake up, and then a few minutes later get out of bed and immediately go into light exercises while doing belly (nose) breathing. So things like arm circles, shoulder circles, neck nods, and core isometrics. These work to get the blood and oxygen flowing, and get my sleepy head working.

It can be an extra fun challenge due to the fact that I'm sleeping on a non-winterized deck. It's the only place I would be able to both sleep without being disturbed and not be in the middle of everything in the house. Like I said, it's a...cozy place. So not exactly a Normal Rockwell painting, but I'm making it work.

The reason I chose these particular days for the 8:30 AM wakeup is because those are the days I trade the Nasdaq market open, and I know it is something I can sustain for the 30 days. I'm already in a bit of weakened state, mentally and physically, and have lower quality sleep, so I need to pace myself, and allow more sleep the other weekdays.

Diet: I start the morning with some hot water and vinegar to try to "move things along" in the lower gi.

I've been struggling for over two years with indigestion partly due to a lot of inflammation in my body (from post-accident surgeries, joint imbalances, etc), so it consists every day of this:

Morning: smoothie made with organic salad greens mix, olive oil, Cacao powder, 3 raw eggs (I know, look at me eating luxury food), flax seed powder and/or soaked chia seeds, and some frozen fruit. Liquid base is straight up from a carton of bone broth. Yeah, I know I probably would get more benefit from slow-cooking it for awhile, but I don't know if I could allocate time for that right now. It's literally a game of "Do I want to take those extra steps to do that", since if I walk too much I then get ankle and shoulder pain.

Afternoon and Evening: Two to Three "Huel" meal replacement shakes, with a couple raw eggs thrown in there somewhere. Again, there's no doubt a better way to do this, but I just don't have the money to try to create a more beneficial diet and regiment right now. I am however, taking a probiotic and enzyme supplement regularly.

Lastly, I'm avoiding caffeine. Especially with my body being "stuck in repair mode" at this point, I can't afford to give it a short-term "energy hit" that's just going to hurt me longer-term. Gotta do this at least for these 30 days.

And that's about it. On weekends, I may have a pound of cooked ground turkey with some seasoning and lots of butter (that fat really helps my stomach break things down), and that's about it.

Exercise/Movement:

I Get up, move around, and get those muscle kinks out! Movement is life, especially for me! My bad leg (the one with drop-foot) tends to pull things outta wack, so I gotta do something to offset that. The most intense exercise I do at this point is core isometrics in the morning, and a full-body isometric squeeze at the end. I have too much inflammation and muscle imbalances to do anything like pushups, etc.

This video should give you an idea of what I do:

Mindfulness/breathing and grounding exercises. I combine "Vagus nerve" reset exercises, like this one

Ahem...nope, that's totally a missclick. Nope, I don't struggle with loneliness at all, and I'm totally not watching that later. ASMR is purely to help me wind down.

...nerve reset exercises, like this

with breathing exercises. Example: breath, count 1, breath, count 2, and so on until 5, then start over. Has helped me zone out and get into an "affirmation flow state". "I am an intellectual and artistic problem-solving genius." "My body and mind are a powerful unit." I don't pre-plan these things. Which I think is a positive sign that my mind is switching from "negative victim mentality mode" into "conquer the world in due time" mode. Take note, if you are REALLY struggling with being focused, present, grounded, (not to mention with trauma that's stuck in you, like me, from my crazy near-death accident), THIS WILL HELP YOU. I feel the effects within less than a minute of starting.

Daily Journaling: Self-explanatory. Has to be done before I get off my computer, and send to my accountability partner, Eissac. This majorly helps me "air the daily thought laundry" out.

Get off PC by or at 9:00 PM: Basically, I have to drop everything and be off the PC no later than 9:00 PM. If it's 9:01, I've failed, and I have to restart the challenge at day 1.

Avoid Caffeine: No black tea, no coffee, nothing with caffeine in it. My body is stuck in "repair mode" as it is, and (at the very least for these 30 days) I need to not take a "short-term energy hit" that will make me crash and feel bad later, not to mention make it harder for my body to calm down and heal itself. Note: caffeine never will give you actual energy. At the end of the day it is a stimulant, not a true energy source. It is quite the rabbit trail, but I would really suggest reading up on the great American sacred cow that is caffeine.

Avoid Porn: This beast needs to die once and for all. I've been good at staying away from it over the past month, but this needs to continue as part of who I am. And who I am is somebody who is strong, disciplined and capable. Porn just doesn't fit in my identity! And porn is one of THE biggest ways that our perception of reality and women get incredibly skewed, and that contributes to our lack of respect and true love towards them. Thank you Andrew Tate, I'm sure you really helped with that. Tell me, was getting rich off exploiting women and being a pretentious ass worth it? Ahem, sorry, I'll continue.

Nothing that I know is entertainment till 7:00 PM: So, no Twitch Streams, no non-educational videos (Watching things related to investing, trading, entrepreneurship and health is part of my "day job" right now, so that's excluded), no Facebook, no Discord Servers (save the trading one I'm in), and only educational or self-improvement podcasts. Right now, I'm mainly listening to the Daily Revolution Podcast

Yes, there is a reason he looks (and sounds) like The Rock. Hint: he's from the same part of the world, and also hits the gym pretty often. And does he also sing, you ask? I believe so, on occasion. Thankfully, I don't think You're welcome is anywhere in his repertoire.

His words give me the proverbial kick in the pants I need. Which goes along with my other "allowance": music. Even the kitchen isn't an escape from the TV, and I need positive things in my ears to keep me sane. The right music can really help get me through the day, and when the choice is either the stuff that's obnoxiously blasting from the TV, and uplifting music or podcasts, the choice is pretty obvious, I think.

I'll also be sending a screenshot with the habit tracker app to Eissac (my amazing accountability partner) each day:

and a screenshot of what apps I used on my phone(s) each day.

Don't have any way to really record my time on my PC, so I guess we're using the honor system. But, I'm not taking it easy on myself. If I slip up, I will NOT let it slide, I will start again, come "accidental TV watching", police officers, negative temperatures, or...shine.

Been struggling with chronic health conditions for some years now, ones that cause my body, digestion, energy, and brain to "redline" all too easily.

Now we come to why I'm starting over tomorrow...again. Walked by the TV, and accidentally watched a few moments. Doesn't matter if somebody else had it on. I still choose to watch it. Doesn't matter if I have to walk by it every day. Tunnel vision is the key. If I want to reach that light at the end of said tunnel, that TV just doesn't exist.

Been struggling with chronic health conditions for some years now, ones that cause my body, digestion, energy, and brain to "redline" all too easily.

But I'm not going to take it easy on myself with this #DRVN30 challenge. I've had to start over with the 30 days...twice now. This is the day of my second slip-up. Walked by the TV (that's going 24/7), and accidentally watched a few moments. Doesn't matter if somebody else has it on. I still chose to watch it. Doesn't matter if I have to walk by it every day. Tunnel vision is the key. If I want to reach that light at the end of said tunnel, that TV just doesn't exist.

To be honest, I'm proud of what I've managed the past couple of days. There's always this internal struggle between my negative self-talk, and the part of me that knows I'm greater than that. I know that if I can make it through this challenge during one of the most daunting parts of my life, it can and will prepare me for the future.

You see, during this time, not only am I in the midst of fighting against health conditions, but I've reached a bit of a crisis point in my life, and something has to give. These past few days have definitely tested my mettle, and my will to continue the fight.

Two nights ago, I sat cross-legged on that very bed behind me, talking to two uniformed officers about an eviction. I managed to (temporarily, at least) maneuver my way out of the situation without raising my voice or getting scared. All the same, it felt akin to threading the Grand Canyon in an F-16. No, I totally didn't steal that from Top Gun.

The next day, trading the market (or rather, watching it) was quite a rollercoaster, to say the least. I had some people basically cursing the day they starting trying to trade the Nasdaq.

In spite of the pressure I may have felt (especially considering last night's interesting incident), I just stayed out of the market. Far better to preserve capital by sitting on your hands. Once again, I think the grounding and mindfulness is really paying off here. I honestly think that overall not only am I becoming a more calm yet decisive person, I honestly think now more than ever the groundwork is being laid for my sibling and I to finally skip town and make a life for ourselves. The only reason this is happening is because we are working TOGETHER, as a TEAM. And just as important, we keep accounts short. There's been too much petty arguing and in fighting in this family, and I want to know that we at least have each other's back.

The night after the "uniformed officer incident"...I thought I had to make things even more interesting.

I'm sure you're dying to hear about how THAT went. Well, sorry, not today. Tomorrow I will have actual footage of me braving the Antarctic vortex that passed through, along with the ice cold shower I took in the dark. Yes, an actual "Overnight Challenge" that I really wasn't planning on doing.

Remember, winter doesn't last forever. The thaw WILL come, and you will see the end in due time! Yes, I was trying to draw an analogy between my life and the long winter. Appropriate, I think.

Thank you for reading to the end. I hope my ramblings actually helped you some.

You got this!

Bonus for reading this far. :)

Music I'm listening to today: Judah Earl. He has some truly beautiful, uplifting music that keeps me in a good headspace.

And if you haven't, PLEASE check out Eissac's blog: https://from-rock-bottom.tumblr.com. He has a very concise (still working on that myself) and insightful way of recording his own progress with the #DRVN30 challenge. I honestly aspire to be able to collect and record my thoughts more like him. I'm kinda all over the place.

[kingflair]

ONE WORD = ONE HEADCANON 

@behemothbash​  replied  :  // fall! (whether the season or the verb is up to you lol)

when it comes to favorite seasons, autumn is definitely one of his absolute favorites. he remembers a lot of great memories from when he was a child that he and his father would go out to see the migrating ghost types just hovering above the small town of postwick coming all the way from hammerlocke. how the leaves on trees would shrivel up and change colors, how some grass type pokemon would adapt to the change and their own colors would change, too. the cool air that would sweep through blowing the leaves along with the playful wooloo. it was such a comforting sight and feeling for him. he loves autumn, it makes him feel like a little kid again. the only difference is that his father is no longer around to reminisce with.

as for the verb, since i love discussing the concepts of “a fall.” leon definitely struggles readjusting to normal life after the eternatus incident and losing the title of champion. after that, he had, at that point already, pushed himself too far physically. it ultimately resulted in a crash and burn, his injuries hurt and the acid burns felt like someone dug dirt and rocks into his open wounds. on top of that, he felt raw because of the way everything clung to him. the shock and upset that came with losing was painful enough, that everything felt so amplified. as if, suddenly, he was aware of everything. he was put on medical leave for a long time, in that time, leon struggled with his thoughts, routine, what have you, not out of depression while that surely plagued him. but because of his identity, where is the leon i know? he’d recall thinking, that wasn’t me, always came his reply. then who am i? seemed to follow after, leon didn’t know, wouldn’t know for a long time. 

[bulgariansumo]

Galactimato Big Brother Week 3

<<Week 1 | < Week 2 | Week 4>

Week 3 begins with yet another vacancy, this time evicted by America through Emil. Things didn't go too smoothly, however, as his plans may have been seen by another houseguest! How long will he be able to keep his secrets? Is he running out of time?

Now that everyone has had a few weeks to get to know each other, they were asked one simple question: Who would they evict out of anyone in the house? Most were too nice to give an answer, but some did respond.

--

"Higgy." Tsuki tapped her cheek. "I don't like the way he works Nicky and Toni to death with those dance rehearsals."

"The older Konno is too," Lorenzo tried to find the word, "...rowdy for my liking."

"Higgy!" Maxy answered without hesitation. "Someone needs to knock him off his high horse! At least Mai is fun about it."

Higgy tilted his nose up. "Maxy is a nuisance."

"It's nice to have friends here." "Angelo started. I-I even made a new one! Somehow. But it's hard to s-s--to spend time together... It's selfish, but everyone I'd vote off is close to them in some way. Or America's Player. Th-They could be really bad for my friends' chances. I th-thh--I might I know who it is..."

--

Those cryptic words may spell trouble for Emil, but the next segment spells HoH. It's time for the Head of Household Competition!

--

"I don't have many rules." Jun stated upon winning. "Just, like, keep the vibes chill, okay?"

--

Were the vibes chill? Before we head to the Nomination Ceremony, let's see what some of the houseguests have to say!

--

"It's nice! Higgy's practice is a little rough, but that's normal. The star rangers are nice. Emil and Roxie have poofy hair and hearts. We are friends~" Nicky pointed at the camera. "And you're here too."

"The viewers or...?" asked Kenji.

Nicky smiled.

"I think he's dehydrated."

"I swear Higgy has his band brainwashed." Tsuki shook her head. "Toni especially. Poor thing's practically on a leash!"

"Everyone thinks Higgy-senpai is mean. He is," Toni admitted, "but he protects me from Maxy! And listens to me! Sometimes."

"I don't like that kid trying to cling to Toni. Jun too." Mai sneered. "He's weird. I heard him begging for that freckle chart when Toni was tossing it out because 'I didn't get a chance to vote for you!'" She mimicked Angelo's pitiful face. "Gimme a break! I swear he woulda dug in the trash if Emil wasn't there."

"I've been hanging out a lot with Emil and Maxy lately and hadn't realized how much I ignored Angie." Leon glanced away. "But Emil's been getting him to tag along! He's so welcoming like that~! Also, I swore I saw a leg in the garbage can last night. Might be my imagination."

"I'm worried about Mai." mused Jun. "She says wild stuff and doesn't, like, have guidance. I've been trying to help out. Angelo hovers around, but I guess he's too shy to interrupt. I worry about him too. Y'know how it is, yeah?" They asked Kenji.

"Please don't acknowledge me."

"Lorie asked me about voting off Mia." Emil began. "I forgot her family was struggling financially, so that's what I told him. Feel kinda bad though." He paused. "But what I do remember is that Jun knows how to check fingerprints. I've been keeping an eye on Ange so he doesn't get his hands on the chart again." He winked. "I think he's worried about Leon, Roxie, and Toni, but I can't see America voting them out. I tried telling him that. Subtly. 'Siiiides, we took the trash out yesterday afternoon."

"It's been nice being with the others, even th--even though I know what Emil's doing. I-I don't have anything against him, and it's kinda s-silly but," Angelo pulled a crumpled, stained paper from his coat, "I trust myself over America. S-s--I'm sorry."

--

It appears Emil has underestimated how far Angelo will go to protect his friends. But can he protect them from the veto ceremony? Let's find out!

--

"Thanks for a really chill week, you guys." Jun started. "I'd rather not nominate anyone, but two of you did kinda harsh the vibe. Higgy, Maxy, step into the nomination zone."

They did so, glaring at each other all the way.

"This wouldn't have happened if you didn't mess with my rehearsals." Higgy muttered.

"Well you shouldn'ta had 'em near my bird-calling spot!"

"What kind of birds make fart sounds??"

"Hey! Don't blame your butt problems on the birds!"

Higgy seethed. "I have ways to make you live in regret."

"Hey, hey." Jun interrupted. "Let's let the eviction votes settle this, assuming neither of you get vetoed."

"Fine." conceded Higgy. "But if he somehow survives, mark my words, I will evict Maxy Konno with my own hands."

"Not if I get rid of you first." Maxy flashed his fangs.

"Oooooh, spicy!" Benji's gold tooth twinkled as he smiled. "Will the flames of rivalry be put out by eviction, or will they burn a little longer? Stick around for the veto competition to find out!"

"I didn't even do anything to get Higgy nominated!" Emil recounted from the interview room at some unspecified point in the future. "I was too busy dealing with Angelo and forgot!" He laughed.

For the PoV Competition, it's time to get schooled ...Again?

--

"Is it a good idea to reuse a challenge in the same week?" asked Kenji.

"Reuse sounds so cheap, call it a 'redux!" Benji corrected. "Plus, I'd rather not build anymore sets until we have more hands on deck."

"I understand."

--

Jun, Maxy, and Higgy, along with Roxie, Nicky, and Tsuki, play Getting Schooled again for the Power of Veto. Maxy wins! Onto the Veto Ceremony!

--

"Should I use this now or wait until we explain ourselves or whatever?" Maxy waved his PoV around.

"Why waste our time? Just use it." Higgy ordered.

"Thought I was the host, but okay!" Benji raised his eyebrows. "Why don'tcha use your veto?"

"I veto myself! ...Again~" Maxy gave a dirt-eating grin to Higgy and Toni as he returned to the group.

Jun seemed at a loss. "Uhh. Shoot. I dunno who else to pick."

"Excuse me?" Angelo raised a hand.

"A volunteer~" announced Benji.

"No no no! I-I just wanted t-t-to know if you could check this for prints?"Angelo lifted the freckles chart.

"Did you get that from the dumpster??" Emil blurted out.

"I'd be interested in it." Jun answered Angelo's question. "But I don't, like, have everyone's prints on hand for comparison. And now's kind of a bad time."

"S-Sorry..." Angelo looked down.

"It's cool!" They reassured. "Tell you what, give me a name and I'll check that person's fingerprints after the eviction, 'k?"

"Right now?"

"Ch'yeah~"

"In front of everyone?"

"I'd let you whisper, but... you seem to have a situation going on." Jun gestured to his trashy clothes.

"Th-That's okay." Angelo declined.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Well. You helped me with one thing at least." Jun told him.

"What's that?"

"Picking a replacement. Angelo, step into the zone."

"Wh-what?" His eyes widened in shock.

"No one knows who put up the chart but you and the culprit." Jun smirked. "Could be the same person. You have the perfect moment to name them and you won't?" They went on. "Sounds suspicious to me. Sounds like something America's Player would do to throw us off."

"What?? No, I'm not them!" he insisted.

"That's something America's Player would say!" accused Maxy.

"I-I'm not! I'm really not!"

"Leave him alone!" Toni defended.

"Didn't you throw it out?" Mai recalled. "He could've been tryin' to frame you."

"Angelo wouldn't do that," Toni turned to his friend, "would you...?"

"No." Angelo was on the verge of tears, wounded by the accusation. "Of course not!"

"We don't know if he did it." Jun reminded, looking a little mortified, just as Emil did. "But just to be on the safe side, he's the replacement."

--

Angelo set out to reveal the truth but one hesitation landed him in hot water with his fellow contestants. Where will the votes fall, and who will America choose as its next target?

While Higgy was no Mr. Popularity, Angelo proved to be too big of a threat to Emil for America to allow him a continued existence at the household. How did the houseguests handle this decision?

--

"The younger Summers has schemed once." reminisced Lorenzo."He could be doing so again."

"I'll make sure Toni's safe." Mai nodded, folding her arms.

Maxy threw his hands up"I don't care if the other kid's America's Player, Higgy's goin' down!"

"Do I really have to explain my vote?" Leon smiled nervously. "Angie's my little brother!"

"So Emil," Benji began, "what do you have to say to uhh, that?"

"What can I say?" Emil shook his head. "He had to go, but... that was brutal. He could've ratted me out at any moment, but he didn't. I feel like I need to say something to him."

"You'll get your chance."

--

Angelo became yet another falling star from the Celestion-5's sky, following Aiden and Mia. How many more will follow him? At least four more, but only time will tell. As for now, it seems like Emil isn't the only one who has something to say to him.

--

"Hey." Jun leaned in the doorway as Angelo, clean and freshly dressed, packed his bags.

"Hello."

They sighed. "Shoulda picked my words more carefully. I got so wrapped up in my theory, I started a witch hunt. I didn't mean to, but I did, and for that I'm so sorry."

Angelo stopped packing "Thank you Jun. Th-That means a lot to me." He held up the chart. "Do you still want this?"

"Sure, it's the least I can do." Jun's smile melted into a frown as they took it in their hands. "It's soaked."

"S-Sorry, I know it's gross." He apologized. "It got stained in the garbage and my hands were s-sweaty, so that didn't help."

They gave a pitied smile. "It's not your fault. But I can't take prints from this. Not by normal means."

"Oh..."

"You know what? It's better that way." Angelo almost said something, but stopped. "Yeah, you're probably right."

Benji stood in front of the house with Angelo. "Well. That was kind of a rough ceremony, huh? How're ya feelin'?"

"A little sad I have to leave." admitted Angelo. "But if th-th--if I helped the others s-survive, I'm happy. I just hope no one's too mad at me."

"Welp, these three aren't!" Benji extended an arm to the side. "You can come out now!"

Leon exited first and gave his brother a hug. "I'll miss you, buddy."

"I'll miss you a lot too..."

He gave another hug. "That one's for Roxie!"

"She's not here...?" Angelo seemed a little hurt.

"She would be if she could! But someone else wanted to show up even more."

Toni barreled around the corner and into Angelo for a hug, stunning him.

"T-Toni? But you--"

"I didn't vote against you because I thought you lied!" Toni blurted, holding Angelo's hands. "I did so Higgy wouldn't be mad at me. I really like you! I'm sorry!!"

"It's okay. I...I like you too!" Angelo happily teared up. "I hope I can see you again someday."

"Toni, it's time for rehearsal!" Higgy's voice called.

Toni looked at his shoes. "Sorry, but I have to go now."

He turned to walk away, turned back, and gave Angelo one last hug before running off.

Emil was the last to exit. "Hey, Ange."

"Emil...?"

"Yeah, he wanted to say goodbye!" Leon explained to his brother's shock.

"Plus I had something to tell you!" added Emil. "A secret!"

"Oh?"

Emil stooped down to whisper to him.

Angelo smiled and giggled. "I have something for you too."

He whispered something in Emil's ear. The latter stood back up and nodded.

"Of course. I'll try! And one last thing!" Emil gave Angelo a hearty hug. "Stay strong out there, okay? We're rooting for ya!" He winked.

"And don't try to sneak back into the house!" Leon warned. "We'll miss you, but don't do any crimes!"

Angelo laughed. "I'll do my best!"

[wri0thesley]

Aaaaaaa! Any chance we could get some abba finding out he fathered a baby with an s/o he left because he didn't want to ruin their life? It doesn't have to be angst, but let's face it. Abba has a lot of self hatred going on.

this prompt…. why must he suffer so???? 

warnings for: domestic violence, very vague suggestion of child abuse, general abbacchio self-hatred

When Buccellati passes around the photographs during the briefing, Abbacchio feels his heart do that brief lurch that he’s grown oh-so-familiar with - the one that says that there’s a face he recognizes, and it’s not for a good reason. Generally, he gets this when he sees someone from his past on the street, whether that be someone who briefly worked with or someone he helped or some scumbag who cheated the criminal justice system and is now walking around free as if he’d never done an illegal thing in his life.

They don’t recognize him, in black leather with dark lipstick and his hair all grown out far beyond regulation police length, streaming down his back. Officer Leone had a smile for all, a genuine longing to do good in the world, a happiness with his station behind his blue eyes. Current Abbacchio has a perpetual scowl, a bit of a drinking problem, and the flames of self-hatred burning in his gaze. This girl, though - the one in the picture?

She’d recognize him.

He doesn’t have to look at the name or the neatly written particulars on the back of the photograph of the smiling girl to know more about her. He knows this one intimately - and she would recognize him even now, and probably smile to see him despite what he put her through.

The little voice in his head that likes to tell him how much of a failure he is rears its ugly head again.

“Leone?” Bruno’s voice is soft when he speaks to Abbacchio. Abbacchio doesn’t deserve this gentleness from his capo; he doesn’t deserve any of this. All he deserves is death. “Are you alright? You haven’t read the back–”

He looks up from the photograph clutched in one of his hands, in a grip he now realizes is too tight. Bruno’s eyes on him are concerned, and those of the other members of his gang are at least curious.

A long time ago, Leone had expected this girl to be his family. That Leone would never have been able to sit at a table with a bunch of gangsters and think of them as his friends and his family - but times change, and Abbacchio has fucked up beyond repair.

“I know this woman,” he says, without preamble, and Bruno’s eyes soften in understanding. He knows about Abbacchio’s reactions to people from his past - knows that it would probably be best if the older man sat out this mission. He’s about to put that idea forth, when Abbacchio shakes his head. “I know what you’re thinking.” He says, his voice drier than Bruno has ever heard it. “I can’t. I … I need to know she’s alright.”

Those words carry more weight than he was expecting.

Comprehension dawns on all of their faces, even Narancia’s. Thankfully, even though Narancia is usually tactless, he seems to know that this means something to Abbacchio, and no jokes are forthcoming. Abbacchio has always seemed the least human out of all of them, as if he exists solely to follow commands. Narancia sometimes has trouble believing that the oldest of them ever really had a past, that he didn’t just spring forth fully formed into the world clutching a wine glass in one elegantly manicured hand and sneering.

“I understand,” Bruno says.

* * *

She’s not alright.

Abbacchio is shaking with anger at himself because it’s his fault. He should have known, the minute he’d realized that the reason Bruno had handed her picture over is because she was the girlfriend of the Passione operative that they’d been assigned to keep tabs on, that she wouldn’t be alright.

The boss was worried he was sending information to rival gang, apparently, and Moody Blues is suited for nothing if not this kind of gruntwork.

He should have left it after he’d established that the operative was loyal to Passione. He should have reported back to Bruno and forgotten about it - but, damn him, he’d had to know. He’d had to check she was alright.

He should have forgotten about her. He didn’t deserve to know how her life was going - he’d done her a favour, after his disgrace, up and leaving. He’d supposed she’d be sad for a little while (they’d been together for a few years, after all) but she’d find someone else and move on. She didn’t deserve a criminal for a boyfriend. She deserved better.

He hadn’t been able to stop himself going to the address, knowing that the operative and his wife (he pretends that he doesn’t feel a sting when he thinks of her being somebody else’s wife) were out of the city and he could be as nosy as he liked. He hadn’t been able to stop himself breaking in and standing in the living room and looking around at a life that was so close to having been his.

The house is a little bit of a mess, but a lived-in one (nothing like Abbacchio’s nightmare of an apartment with its shattered bottles and empty cans and only two lightbulbs that actually work). There are toys scattered on the floor, the sign of a domestic life that Abbacchio will never have now.

He’d never wanted to be a father, anyway, he thought to himself as he summoned Moody Blues. He’d be an awful father - especially the him of right now, the fallen police officer. How could any child be proud of a parent like him?

He’s aware that this is an invasion of privacy, but he can’t quite bring himself to care, even as Moody Blues rewinds and–

Shit.

Any number of other expletives come to mind as he looks at his ex-girlfriend (still undeniably his ex-girlfriend, the same mouth and the same hair as if it’s only been a month since he last saw her) sits on the couch with a little boy nestled next to her.

There’s a picture of the operative he’d been tailing crumpled in his pocket, but he doesn’t need it to know that the small boy next to her - cuddling up to her in a way that is unmistakably the way a son cuddles up to its mother - is not related to him. The child is paler even than him, towheaded in a way he recognizes from his own childhood, intense eyes set in the boy’s face the exact same shade as Abbacchio’s own–

The lurch in his heart hurts more than it ever has before as he looks at the boy who is unmistakably, undeniably his.

His mind races - he was careful, he was a police officer, former Leone had been a responsible young man who would never accidentally impregnate his beloved girlfriend – shit, shit, shit except for that one time but he’d been celebrating and one time couldn’t hurt in the grand scheme of things–

Fuck.

Abbacchio has never felt like this before. He steps closer to the boy unconsciously, imagining for a moment that this is their house, that this is his family…

He knows that this thought is just self-torture. He doesn’t deserve a family, doesn’t deserve the son sitting on the couch who is perfectly formed and would just hate him anyway. Maybe she is happier with this new man, maybe he’s a better father than Abbacchio could ever have hoped to be … he’s a criminal too, like Abbacchio hadn’t wanted for her, but at least he wasn’t a disgraced police officer on top of it.

Then, there’s a slam, and the two on the couch look up with fear etched plain in their eyes. His ex-girlfriend’s hand tenses on the sofa and she says, lowly;

“Go into the other room, Leon.”

That stings. She named the child after him, even after all that he put her through? How does she not look at her son and think about how much she hates Abbacchio?

He wishes he’d left it at that.

He wishes he’d left it at that as the operative he’s been tailing lurches into the room, clearly drunk. He wishes he’d left it at that as the man speaks to her in a slurred voice, demanding to know why his dinner isn’t ready and on the table. He wishes he’d left it at that as this man, this scumbag, raises his hand and slaps her hard across the face.

God.

The way she reacts to it indicates it’s not the first time. She doesn’t scream or cry, she just blinks it back and touches her face and, in a tight strained voice says she’ll get right on it now, she’s sorry that she’s upset him.

“Where’s the bastard?” The scumbag asks, going over to the couch and flopping on it. This makes her wince, and she says, tightly;

“Leon’s in the other room, playing.” Scumbag scoffs.

“Not even here to greet his stepfather? I oughta beat some respect into that boy–”

Desperately, Abbacchio wishes Moody Blues wasn’t so efficient a stand, that its playback occasionally faltered in being crystal clear. He sees the tear drop from the woman’s face into the pot she’s stirring on the stove and he feels a pang of protectiveness he does not deserve to feel for a woman that he abandoned.

Anger curls white hot in his stomach. This man, touching his son, hurting his son … but. There’s nothing he can do. Nothing at all. This man is a superior above him in Passione, and it’s frowned upon to kill your coworkers - if it wasn’t, he doesn’t know if he could control himself.

Abbacchio had left his childhood hopes and dreams for the future when he’d left his old life behind, in the shape of the bowed and broken woman with the bruise blooming on her cheek. He had thought - she doesn’t deserve to have her life ruined by scum like me. All I would do, now, is make things harder - I’d be better off dead than with her. And despite it all … she’d ended up with a gangster. She’d ended up trapped and in trouble and with her life all in tatters around her, and with Abbacchio’s fucking illegitimate son to top it all off. Nothing he had done had been good for her the way he’d thought it would be.

In a way, he supposes, it’s still all his fault. He’s fucked up her life even from afar! Isn’t that just like him? Abbacchio is now able to be a worthless life-ruining asshole without interacting with people!

Abbacchio wants to find this scumbag, interrupt their family holiday, rip his head from his unworthy throat and leave him a bleeding, blubbering mess. He wishes that things were different and he could just slot effortlessly back into his old life, take care of his own son. Maybe he could try and be a good father–

He realizes he’s swallowing back tears as he walks back home to his shitty apartment. He should see Bruno and report back on the good news, that this guy is totally innocent of any fraternizing with rival gangs - but he can’t quite bring himself to visit the Capo with the gaping emptiness in the hole where his heart should be. He’d never be a good father. He can daydream about it all he wants, but if he returned to her she’d just hate him like everyone else does.

It’s going to take a lot of liquor to numb him from this one. Abbacchio thinks back to the bottles on the shelves of his apartment, their liquid oblivion beckoning to him … people drink to forget, don’t they? Abbacchio has a lot he’d like to forget.