#and going to all three with my friend i made at the JO concert this year :3

[vampmilf]

happy birthday, merry christmas, and a happy new year to meeeeee

[rimunagenius]

Best Show Ever

დ Pairing: Josette Maskin x rockstar!reader

დ Warning: RPF!! some suggestive talk?, definite blurred platonic/romantic lines, and literal gay panic fluff

დ Word Count: 2.5k (whoops got carried away)

დ a/n: okay so this is my very first sapphic fic that i’ve ever written. It’s also very self indulgent and i’m pretty i requested it on someone acc and it had almost the same plot line, it’s most likely me (i forgot if i requested anonymously or not) but anyways!! I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS. i also used both preferred pronouns of jo’s so i’m sorry if it’s a little confusing. this pic is the vibe i was going for with reader x josette! ;)

დ

As a friend of Munagenuis, you were commonly spotted in the VIP sections of their concerts singing and dancing along to almost every song on their set lists. You were a superfan even though you had just as big of a following and sold-out arenas like this.

Most of the time you were on the side stage while they performed and made surprise appearances now and then when they happened to sing one of your featured songs. You met them through being one of your other fellow openers for Taylor Swift. 

You guys had met as you were a solo artist and wanted to not be alone in a pretty nerve-wracking situation such as opening for a huge sold-out stadium. You had all been backstage and that's when Pheobe had walked up to you completely starstruck because she had been a fan of yours for so long and meeting you backstage at a Taylor Swift concert was peak experience. In her words.

You couldn't believe it because you had discovered Lucy Dacus and went through a wormhole of her music where you discovered boygenius and eventually went down an even bigger wormhole for Pheobe. You loved their group and solo music. This was an unreal experience. You had listened to MUNA for a while, ever since you started your career. You just couldn’t wrap your head around this experience.

That's when she introduced you to MUNA and you couldn't even listen to anything she said because this beautiful person was just standing right in front of you, arm stretched out, waiting to shake your hand as Pheobe kept talking. "Hi, I'm Josette. This is Naomi and Katie." She shook your hand as they pointed to their best friends. 

You waved at them awestruck that you finally meeting one of the many big inspirations for your music career. This was so surreal. Especially since your celebrity crush had shaken your hand not even three seconds ago. 

You had known of MUNA and boygenius for quite some time and it was crazy to think that they knew who you were and liked listening to your music. You guys had talked that whole night and cheered each other on while you guys opened the concert. Since that night, you had all been even bigger fans of each other and hung out almost all the time. 

Over time, you had grown super close to Jo. You thanked your lucky stars that this could have happened to you and selfishly speaking, absolutely no one else, because you could not fathom ever being in a room and having the best friendship you could have nurtured with Jo. 

Over a span of a year of knowing MUNA, Josette especially, it had speculated, your fandom and MUNA's, that you and Josette were seeing each other. You guys had always seemed to laugh it off and go on about your day. You had known that there was something there. Whether it was just simple attraction or sexual tension mixed with mutual attraction. Definitely the latter.

It only started to become clearer because at one show you had been on the stage with them, after the eras tour opening you guys got busy and made music together, so you had been on stage singing your verse in the song. It was a little sexually suggestive, as the whole theme of the song, and while you were singing, Josette had lead guitar on it. 

They were all in their element as they had sauntered up to you and suddenly dropped to their knees and abandoned looking at the guitar strings and just looked up at you with this look in their eyes. Someone had gotten footage, made an edit of it, and tagged you in an Instagram story. 

You had reposted it and captioned it in the corner at the bottom, "if she keeps looking at me like that, I'm gonna fall in love 😍🧘🏻‍♀️ @ jojolovedog" You had reposted to your story and in a matter of minutes your Twitter feed was blowing up and it was just of you and Jo. 

Josette saw your story within the hour and reposted and captioned hers "i alr did…😍😍" That alone broke the internet and your mind for the better part of the week. Ever since then the rumors of your infatuation and "secret relationship" had just grown like some mold in a dirty basement. 

So as it was uncommon now for you to make an appearance with them on stage, you got used to the attention that boygenius and MUNA attracted to themselves on stage. And your little gay heart ate it up every time. 

You loved how they had all been openly themselves, kissing each other, and just loving on each other throughout the show. So when MUNA sang their featured song with you and the boys, things got crazy. 

While Katie had started the song off, you and the boys were dancing around and having fun. Pheobe had been running around hugging Katie while she sang. Julien tried to pluck the right strings while Lucy kissed her in every possible open area of skin. You had been laughing and moving your hips slowly and seductively while watching Jo play her guitar. Watching you dance and move the way you were, was driving Josette mad. She almost almost forgot what she was supposed to be playing. Almost. You took that as her not paying attention but you hoped it was because of what you wanted it to be. 

Naomi was singing some background vocals when you walked up to her, Pheobe following right next to you, and you both kissed either one of their cheeks. She laughed and then kissed you both on the lips. A short peck each. After she had initiated the lip kissing, Pheobe followed, kissing you on your lips while she held your face. 

The crowd immediately got louder and more hyped when you two started to dance around and go chase Lucy. You both grabbed Lucy, her settling for lying down on the ground, singing partially what sounded like background vocals. Pheobe had sat under her head, Lucy's head resting perfectly in her lap while the platinum blonde leaned down and kissed Lucy passionately. 

You straddled Lucy, her hands finding your thighs as you grabbed her face and kissed her with what you hoped was as much passion as your best friend Pheobe. 

Jo had walked around the stage, playing next to Julien, kissing her on the lips which you would've imagined sent some fans into cardiac arrest. And while you had finished kissing Lucy, Jo had seen the position you had been in and she wouldn't lie and say that that didn't make her want to take you right there. Make you sit on her like that.

She was pretty sure you had felt it too. There's no way you'd flirt with her with your lips insanely close to theirs, the lingering touches, and the sleepovers where you somehow always ended up cuddling each other, and didn't feel a single thing. 

The way your hands would brush through their hair while her hand was on your thigh. The longing gazes you two shared were not platonic. Jo was determined tonight to make it clear that she needed you in more ways than just one, being your best friend. She wanted to flaunt you and kiss you any waking moment. She has had a crush on you since you came into the spotlight after all.

She couldn't do that if you guys continued to fake flirt with each other platonically. 

But as your verse in the song was coming up, you got up and adjusted the sheer black leggings, opting to leave your form-fitting black mini skirt hiked up on your thighs. You wouldn't lie and say that you didn't wear this because you knew how Jo looked at you. Your legs. 

Whether it was just friendly or romantically, romantically for sure, she'd make any comment she could about the way your legs looked and it was always made with her eyes trailing up and down them, then pulling you to sit on her lap. 

The band had to know you guys were never going to be just friends. Your behavior was more than just friends and the tension would have to be released at some point, so they just would sit and wait til either one of you acted on it. I mean they could only make so many "just fuck already!" comments before it got old. 

So leaving the skirt to reveal almost all of your legs was definitely the right move. And it was. Walking closer to Jo, and raising the mic to your lips, her eyes trailed from your ankle doc marten shoes all the way up to the apex of your thighs. Oh how she wished she had you alone so she could see what was under. 

As you started to sing, the other instruments faded to allow just Josette's guitar to be heard and she played it so well. You watched her fingers as you sung. She took notice and sunk to her knees and played, abandoning looking at the strings. The same song you guys played when you noticed your feelings for her weren't just platonic anymore. You continued to sing the verse, this time with Katie and Naomi, and some of the boys. Your eyes focused on the pretty brown ones in front of you. 

You reached down and cupped their chin, their chest rising and falling rapidly as they continued to move their fingers at an insanely fast pace. You then sunk to your knees right in front of Jo, your faces inches apart as you sang the last of what you needed to. 

It was now or never. 

You had promised yourself that today you were gonna tell her or show her how you felt, what was the harm in that? You play it off as the normal concert shenanigans if it went south...that'd work right? Oh well. If it did work out, a little hard launch never hurt no one. 

Moving the microphone from your lips, your eyes watching the brunette in front of you waiting for her to look back up at you. When she did, you finally leaned in. 

Your lips connecting, in what felt the best kiss you had in your entire fucken life. You felt like it was only you two in the world and her lips felt like the only lifeline available. God did her lips feel like heaven on earth. 

You knew you made the right decision when Josette completely kissed you back. She was thanking every lucky star and sapphic god in the universe that you felt the same way she did. She would've thought otherwise if you didnt slip your tongue in her mouth and kissed her for two more seconds before pulling away. 

When the two of you pulled apart, the crowd was losing their fucking minds. You turned and looked, as the song ended, Julien running up to your side and kissing your cheek, you saw that the crowd, at least 95% of them, had their phones out. 

You knew that this was definitely gonna be everywhere in the next 10 minutes and you honestly couldn't be happier. 

After the show, you were in your dressing room, door ajar to let anyone know that they could walk in if needed. 

No one had walked in so when you heard the door shut you were scared as you had been scrolling through your Instagram, airpods in, your back facing the door while you sat at your vanity. You turned and saw Jo standing there, bouquet of pink, red, and orange tulips with a hint of babies breath. Tulips and babys breath were your favorite flowers and you had told Jo the meaning of them which made you love them even more so seeing these after one of the longest tours you guys had been on together was heartwarming and tear inducing. 

"Hey, jojo." You beamed at the most beautiful human being in front of you. 

"Hey, pretty lady." She handed you the flowers and you turned and set them down on the vanity, turning back to face them. "You're so beautiful, you know that?" A slight blush creeped up on her perfect cheekbones but an even more noticeable smirk took solace on he rlips. 

"Oh my god, Jo. You're so beautiful, you know that?" You giggles adjusting a fallen curl on her forehead while repeating her compliment back to her. Your hand ended up on her cheek, your other following suit. Somewhere along then and now their arms wrapped around your waist, their fingertips ghosting under the black cropped longsleeve you were still wearing from the show. 

"Can I kiss you, gorgeous?" They whispered, their face insanely close to yours. Your knees were weak, your skin was on fire at the mere thought that Josette Maskin, your lifelong, queer celebrity crush, wanted you, and thought you were the most beautiful thing in this world. You could barely even breathe properly. 

"Yes." You faintly whispered. She almost missed it. Almost. Soon her lips found yours, in what started as small tender kiss soon became a heated makeout. Josette picked you up off the ground, her hands finding place in where she's only ever dreamed of putting them. Her hand picking you up from your thighs, might they say dangerously close to the part of your body that's begged and cried for her for the last year. 

She scooted the flowers over, and placed you down on the vanity, her hands gripping your hips for dear life. Almost as if they didn't, you'd disappear forever. Your hands immediately ran through the short curls on the top of their head. As the kiss progressed, your tongues now dancing together, your arms dropped and just hung off her shoulders. Your body weak but all the strength and love imaginable to ever be possessed by a human being, in your body, being poured into the passionate, long overdue makeout session. 

Once Jo's hands found the sides of your legs, a small moan escaping your lips, a satisfied groan leaving their lips, none other than Naomi knocked on the door. "Yeah uh we gotta go! So wrap up whatever moaning and groaning is going on in there, and let's get a move on. We're all hungry." Not breaking the kiss the whole time. 

You kissed down Jo's jawline and down the column of their neck before they panted, "C'mon baby. We gotta go. As much as I love this and don't want to stop...we have to." You looked up at her, pupils blown, and smile on your face, you sighed. 

"Baby, huh?" You smirked at her. A small giggle escaping your lips. God, you were so whipped. 

They leaned down and gave you one last very passionate kiss, and laughed. "Yes. You're my pretty girl, arent you?" Her eyebrow grew slanted, making a questioning look. You kissed the crease in between her eyebrows, grabbed your flowers from behind you and hopped off the vanity. 

"Of course. Wouldn't want it any other way, baby. You and me," you pointed between the two of you as you reached for her hand as you walked backwards. "are forever, baby." You pulled her along behind you until her feet caught up with yours, as you walked out the dressing room. 

Her arm now reaching behind you, pinching your ass for second before wrapping around your waist. "Never forget it, gorgeous." 

This turned out to be best show of your entire lives.

[itsseohannbin]

• Like A Volcano | Part Three | •

Han Jisung Mini Series

© itshannjisung, 2024

♡ itsseohannbins masterlist ♡

Series Masterlist

Chapter Genre: Angst⚡️. Hurt

-Bestfriends to Lovers Trope-

Summary: being best friends with the kings of kpop always has its ups and downs, and when you're offered a spot on the next European-American book tour to promote the publishing of your new book, there's one kpop king in particular who just doesn't want you to go.

Pairing: Idol!Han Jisung x Female Reader x Bestfriend Skz

** Includes two of my own original female characters, both whom are romantically involved with two of the members. Chan x Jo / Minho x Ash **

Warnings: angst. hurt. swearing. mentions of alcohol. mentions/implications of domestic abuse. mentions/implications of cheating. mentions/implications of domestic manipulation. mentions of injuries sustained from domestic abuse (reader has a fractured wrist). reader has a panic attack. one instance of self-hatred. instances of self-doubt.

I think that's it. If I missed any, lmk!!

Word Count: 7k

**this chapter has been edited & heavily revised from the original**

Enjoy!

It’s been sixteen months since you left home.

Sixteen months since you left your world behind to embark on what was promised to be the adventure of a lifetime. An adventure filled with smiling faces, adoring fans, hot interviews, exclusive meetings and so, so much more.

It’s been sixty-nine weeks since you’ve had a proper night's sleep.

Sixty-two since you’ve last felt relaxed.

Fifty-six since you even felt a real smile on your face.

Four-hundred and eighty-five days since you said goodbye to your family, and four-hundred and eighty-four since you said goodbye to Jisung.

Sixteen months since you left and you’ve regretted every fucking second of it.

While you were gone, everyone kept in touch with you, just like they promised they would.

Felix and Hyunjin facetimed with you every couple of nights before bed just to tell you about their days and talk about how much they missed you. Changbin messaged you every couple of days to quiz you on your Korean and ask for girl advice as he did so. Seungmin, Jeongin, and you scheduled regular game nights where you’d all load up on snacks and play video games online together into the wee hours of the morning, despite the major time difference between Korea and America.

As Ash and Minho began wedding planning, they made sure to include you in every part of it as if you were right there beside them. They sought out your expertise on every detail and decision they made in terms of color schemes, decor, dress styles, tie options, and everything else that came along with getting married.

Jo and Chan texted you every single day, nearly every hour, updating you on life back at the family house. They informed you of every single joke Seungmin made over breakfast, every single idea the group had come up with for new tracks, every time Minho found a stray cat on the street and begged Chan to let him bring it home despite Changbin’s allergies as if he wasn’t a grown ass adult who could do whatever he pleased.

Even when their Maniac Tour began, they always found time for you. They sent you endless Tiktok’s and Reels of their performances, videos of the goofy shit they’d get up to while backstage, the links to new interviews and Skz-Talkers as soon as they were released. They even went as far as video chatting you mid-concert to help you feel included, passing the phone around to each member as they danced on stage and sang along with the rest of Stay. 

All but Jisung.

He was the only one you hadn’t heard from. He was the only one who wouldn’t take the phone during the concert video chat, the only one who didn’t send you funny animal videos on the regular, or send selfies asking for your opinion before posting them to social media. He was the only one who hadn’t updated you on his life since you left.

It was as if the two of you were complete strangers.

Everyone else called to check in and make sure you were having fun, and it was getting increasingly harder to pretend that you were.

When your and Jisung’s eyes met back at the airport through the line of people waiting to go through security, you froze. You hadn’t expected him to come, and upon seeing him standing there, looking less than stellar and frowning at you in distress, you had to force your feet to stay put.

It took every ounce of willpower you had not to run into his arms. You had to remind yourself of the things he had said to you the night before and how selfish he had been. You had to remind yourself of Seojun, the man who was waiting for your arrival at the Vancouver Airport, where he had flown a week earlier to prep the tour itinerary with his manager, Sookie.

Your and Jisung's eyes locked for no more than thirty seconds before you forced yourself to spin on your heel and walk away from the temptation he held. He didn’t call you or text you at all to even explain why he had suddenly shown up and what he wanted. He simply let you walk away from him again, and that was the last time you had any form of contact with him. 

As much as you wanted him to, you couldn’t even blame him for not trying one last time to stop you. You broke his heart and left him behind, two things you once promised you’d never do. He had every right to hate your guts, though there was no way he could hate you any more than you already hated yourself for it.

Still, you held out hope for a text, a call, a freakin’ email. Anything to let you know he still wanted you in his life, but you knew it would never come. Your friendship was over, and based on the way the rest of the members would tense up and go quiet whenever Jisung’s name unintentionally left your mouth, you knew he would never forgive you.

Not this time.

“Y/n? Are you even listening?”

You tore your gaze away from the photo on your phone that Felix had sent of him, Jeongin, and Jisung at their LA concert, and looked towards the voice that called your name. It took you a second to register who spoke.

“Hmmm?” you hummed in response, feeling dazed and confused and every bit tipsy that you should’ve been given the triple shot of vodka you had just downed a moment before. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

Seojun, whose hand was possessively wrapped around your waist, dug his nails into the skin above the waistband of your jeans, glaring down at you as he undoubtedly left half-moon indents in his wake.

A warning.

He leaned in close to you with a tight-lipped smile, seeming as though he was going to kiss the side of your head affectionately. Instead, he spoke in a harsh tone that was quiet enough for your ears only.

“He’s never going to forgive you y/n, and at this rate, I won’t either if you don’t put your fucking phone down and socialize,” he growled. He dug his nails in once more for good measure and you bit back a wince of pain as the pads of his fingers grazed over the barely healed scars from days previous.

“Sorry Jun,” you muttered an apology, pocketing your phone before he could grab it from you. He gave you a satisfied smile before turning his attention back to the redhead who called on you.

“You’ll have to excuse my girlfriend Kymmy, she’s still recovering from this morning,” he chided with a wink, pulling you flush against his waist all the while flashing Kymmy a flirty smirk.

Prick.

Kymmy’s smile turned almost ravenous as his innuendo, her eyes darkening with intrigue as she reached across the table and rested her hand on his arm.

“Girlfriend, hey?” she looked away from Seojun long enough to give you a bored once over before her eyes met his again. “How much is she paying you?”

If it wasn’t for Seojun’s fingernails digging into your skin you would’ve reached across the table and strangled her. Seojun, however, just simply laughed at her comment.

“You’re a funny one, Kymmy. It’s no wonder Juho likes you so much.” he elbowed his friend’s ribcage in approval. Kymmy’s eyes flickered to Juho for a brief second and you saw the look of utter disdain on her lips that disappeared so quickly that you wouldn’t have believed it happened if you didn’t witness it yourself.

Kymmy had no interest in Juho, and everyone in here knew it except for the poor bastard himself. The only person she was interested in currently had his hand tightly gripping your hip.

And for all you cared, she could have him.

Hell, she’d probably get him anyway when you were fast asleep and he was looking for someone else to help with his never-ending sexual desire; a desire you never seemed to be able to fulfill.

You should’ve cared more for Kymmy’s obvious advances towards your boyfriend, and his towards her. You should’ve gotten jealous and gripped his arm in annoyance while bitching the redhead out like Seojun so desperately wanted you to, but you didn’t. 

You were used to this game by now, played it out more times than you cared to admit. Seojun’s favorite mind game was to make you jealous in every way he possibly could so you’d be forced to punish him later for it. He got off on the possessive behavior you’d express.

And it was fun at first. Experimental and exciting. It helped speed things along in your new and budding relationship, but when you discovered he was sneaking out after you’d fallen asleep to meet other women behind closed doors despite all the fun you two had, it was a game you were growing tired of, and quickly at that.

It took you three months into the tour to discover Seojun had been cheating on you. But by then, it was too late to back out, too late to make a scene and leave him. Leaving him would’ve caused too many problems, problems you couldn’t afford to let happen, not when your entire support system was halfway across the world from you.

When you confronted Seojun about the cheating late one night after he snuck back inside your shared hotel room, he immediately grew defensive. Shortly after that the abuse and manipulation started.

He continued sneaking around and meeting with women. Some were his own fans, others worked at the venues Sookie had booked for tour events, but a lot of them were just random women he’d meet in bars or on the street. The only difference now was that he didn’t bother hiding it.

He always came back to you, smelling of sweat and sex and varieties of expensive perfumes, and each time you told him you wanted to leave, wanted to break up and return home, and each time he threatened you into staying.

He’d threaten your career, your friendships, even your life. He’d grab you when you’d try to leave with your suitcase in hand, and he’d pull your arm so hard you were afraid it would pop out of its socket. He’d get in your face, yell at you, spit at you, backhand you for trying to leave him.

And then he’d cry.

He’d cry so hard he’d lose his breath and beg you to stay, to not leave him, telling you that you were the only good thing he had in his life. He’d tell you that maybe if you just paid a little more attention to him, he wouldn’t feel the need to seek validation from other women, wouldn’t feel the urge to hit you and hurt you the way he had. He’d beg you so hard and scare you into thinking he was going to hurt himself if you left, so you’d stay. You’d stay, and then he’d do it all over again.

It was a vicious cycle, one you were beginning to get worn out from by the second, but at the end of the day, you knew you couldn’t just leave. Seojun loved you, and this was what love was.

At least that’s what he had convinced you of at first. Now, you were just trying to get through the last few months of the tour so you could go home and be with your family and never have to see his face again.

When you finally came to terms with what you were experiencing, realizing that this wasn’t love, that this relationship was toxic and unhealthy, you had taken your problems and concerns to Sookie, the only female on tour whom you trusted.

Despite the abuse you had suffered, she urged you to stay, explaining how the number of fans that were to attend the coming events for you specifically had nearly tripled in size, and that leaving abruptly would do nothing but disappoint them. You may have trusted her, but that didn’t mean the two of you were friends. You knew she was more concerned about the money it would bring in than your overall physical, mental, and emotional health, but you didn’t have any energy left to call her out on it. She assured you she would take care of it and sent you on your way.

It was only two more months. You could surely survive two more months, right?

You jumped slightly when a shoe came into contact with your shin, hard and painful, pulling you from another whirlwind of dark thoughts. You glanced back up from where your eyes had been fixated on the napkin you were toying with and found Seojun glaring down at you again.

“Y/n, babe, Levi asked you a question. Can you show a little respect and answer him, please.” Seojun's smile was sweet, but you could see the annoyance and anger sparkling in his eyes.

You were going to pay for this later.

“I’m sorry, Levi,” you apologized as you leaned your elbows on the table and peeked around Seojun's large figure to look at him. “This tour is wearing me out minute by minute. What was your question?

The Dutch boy waved off your apology and flashed you a sincere smile.

“I was just curious as to what happened,” he answered, gesturing towards your arm. You glanced down at your wrist, inspecting the white plaster cast that wrapped around your fingers and thumb and stretched up towards your elbow.

You swallowed roughly and barely avoided Seojun’s hard glare as he waited for you to answer.

“Oh, uhm, I fractured it the other night after Seojun and I left the venue.” you lied smoothly. Levi’s eyebrows raised in surprise at your words.

“How the heck did you manage to do that?” he questioned. His English was choppy, but his accent was clean and smooth and filled with concern. You let out an awkward laugh and tried to come up with something, anything that wouldn’t throw suspicion onto the culprit behind your injury.

“Well, you know Amsterdam,” Seojun jumped in for you. He dared to send you a playful wink as he squeezed you closer to his body as if the incident that led to your hand in a cast was nothing more than a light-hearted accident.

Asshole.

“The walkways around the canal are extremely uneven and y/n here is extremely clumsy.” Seojun finished before he casually popped a fry into his mouth.

“He’s right,” Juho then added with a laugh, clapping Seojun on the back. “This is the same girl who managed to sprain her ankle so badly coming down the hotel stairs back in Texas that she had to wear a boot for three weeks while simultaneously nursing two broken fingers and a cracked rib back to health.”

Levi, Kymmy, Seojun, and the rest of the people occupying your table began to laugh at Juho’s story, and you had to force a smile on your face to keep yourself from suddenly crying. The story Seojun had fed Juho the first night he got physical sounded so unbelievable coming from Juho’s mouth that it nearly drove you mad.

Surely they didn’t buy it, right?

Surely, at least one of them would see through the irony and figure out what had actually happened. Nobody trips over nothing and falls down a flight of stairs all by herself, right?

Part of you hoped one of the people who sat around the bar table with you and Seojun would put the pieces together and call Seojun out, but another part of you hoped to God nobody would. You could not handle another confrontation right now, not without pissing off Seojun even more than you already had.

You let the conversation take a turn as everyone began discussing their childhood injuries and the embarrassing stories behind them.

It was supposed to be a celebratory night out for another successful event with just you, your boyfriend, and his best friend, but Juho was adamant about meeting with Kymmy, a girl he’d been talking to online for months now, and wherever Kymmy went, her brother Levi followed.

You were ecstatic to meet Kymmy and her brother at first and let them join in on the celebration, but once she started flirting with Seojun, and once Levi’s other friends conveniently showed up and invited themselves to sit down, you felt a ball of anxiety pool in the bottom of your stomach.

Nothing good ever came out of Seojun drinking alongside a pretty woman and a bunch of males. A fight was bound to break out between someone at some point, and you didn’t want to stick around any longer to find out who it would be between.

You were tired, your wrist hurt, and your social battery was running on empty.

You just wanted to go home.

Not back to the hotel room, but home home.

With a sigh you leaned back against the high bar chair you were sitting on and finished off the glass of tequila you were holding. Seojun turned his head to look at you briefly and you sent him a small, timid smile before turning your head downwards, and that’s when you saw it.

Underneath the table, out of sight from everyone else, Kymmy’s foot was running slowly and seductively up Seojun’s leg and into his crotch and then back down again, over and over while she let loose a high-pitched giggle at whatever it was Juho was saying. The giggle was as fake as Seojun’s love for you was, and you repressed the urge to roll your eyes.

Instead, you quickly averted your gaze, feeling embarrassed that you’d witnessed something so intimate, your brain not fully grasping the fact that this intimacy was shared between your boyfriend and another girl.

That’s when everything began to fall apart.

A second later, Seojun’s phone vibrated on the table between the two of you, bringing your attention to it involuntarily.

You didn’t mean to look. You didn’t mean to see whoever it was that had texted him. You just so happened to be glancing in the direction of where he’d end up holding his phone up, swiping his thumb across the screen to read the message that was sent to him.

You felt your stomach drop to when you read Sookie’s name at the top of the messaging app followed by a red heart and a pair of lips. When your eyes dropped down and found a picture of her naked chest staring back at you, staring back at Seojun, you thought you were going to throw up.

Seojun bit his lip and let out a breath, a small smile of appreciation forming on his lips as he openly stared at the picture. He didn’t even bother trying to hide it from you. Instead, he took his time typing back a long, detailed reply of what he was going to do to her later tonight before he locked his phone once more and set it back on the table, face down.

When he turned his head to glance back at you to see if you had been watching, you were quick to avert your eyes to one of the TVs that hung from the ceiling, watching the soccer game that was on. You bit your lip in an attempt to look focused on the game, but really you were just trying not to openly cry.

Here Seojun sat, one girl practically jerking him off with her foot, another openly sexting him and sending him nudes, all while his arm was secured tightly, possessively around his girlfriend's waist. Kymmy, you suspected, but you didn’t think Sookie would be indulging him too.

You trusted her. More than anybody else on this damn tour, and all this time, she was no better than Seojun.

A ball of emotions suddenly slammed into your chest so hard you physically winced.

Anger.

Disbelief.

Sadness.

Shock.

However, panic overpowered everything else.

In a moment, the air around you grew thick, heavy with unspoken tension as you became way too hyper-aware of everything around you. Each breath you took was like a battle against the invisible weight that was suddenly pressing down on your chest. Your heart felt as if it were frantically drumming through every vein, every nerve ending in your body.

The clinking of glasses repeatedly being set down onto wooden tabletops. The sound of silverware scraping against dated dishes. The whispers of conversations that filled the old tavern around you. The quiet voice of the on-screen announcer as the soccer game continued on in the background.

It was all too much.

The bell that hung by the entrance, chiming noisily each time a patron entered and left, ringing in your ears so loudly it felt like you had suddenly got tinnitus. The loud cheering that erupted as someone on-screen had scored a point. The fucking liquid being poured from old spouts and filling thick glasses at the bar across the room. You heard all of it all at once, and the feeling of anxiety clawed at your insides.

Your vision began to blur, the edges becoming hazy as if the world was slipping out of focus, out of your grasp. The dark, warm earthy tones of the old bar that had you feeling safe and secure a moment before now began to slip away, leaving everything in a monochrome haze. Time felt warped, seconds stretching into eternities while minutes turned to fleeting seconds.

The room spun, a dizzying whirlwind of sensations as nausea churned in the pit of your stomach, a sickening knot that tightened with each passing moment. A rush of heat then flooded your body, beads of sweat visibly breaking out across your skin like tiny droplets of panic. Every nerve felt electrified, tingling with the sense of absolute dread that surged through your body like wildfire. 

You didn’t even notice the change in your breathing until Seojun’s nails once again dug into your skin, this time drawing blood.

“Will you cut it out? You’re making a scene.” he snapped, not bothering to lower his voice anymore. You could barely hear him over the sound of your own heartbeat now filling your ears, silently screaming at you to LEAVE. 

You tried to take a deep, calming breath, tried to hold it in to stop the panic from seeping deeper into your bones, but it was no use. You only hiccuped as a single tear fell from your eye.

You suddenly felt everyone's gaze on you, and you bent your head down to wipe at another tear that had managed to escape to try and hide what you were feeling.

Then, a round of applause broke out across the bar as the TVs all showed replays of the game-winning goal that was scored, and that was your final breaking point.

Without so much of a word, you pulled Seojun’s dirty fingers off of you and slipped from the table. Juho was the only one to call after you as the room continued to grow fuzzy, your fingers beginning to tingle as your breathing started coming out in short gasps. The bartender gave you a concerned look and reached out to grab your arm, but you managed to slink away from her touch and pushed yourself outside into the cool evening air.

As soon as your feet took you past the fence that lined the property of the bar, you fell to your knees, your hands gripping the cobblestone so hard your wrist throbbed and your knuckles turned white. You could feel your heart threatening to explode from your chest as memories of your relationship with Seojun flew through your mind like a short film.

Every time he hit you.

Every time he yelled at you.

Every time he touched you.

Every time he scolded you for bothering him, the names he would call you over the smallest inconveniences, the way he’d manipulate you into staying with him even after all the shit he did.

It was too much.

You could barely get enough oxygen in your lungs to take a deep breath and your hands were losing feeling. You hardly heard the door behind you open and close over the sound of your cries that you didn’t realize were leaving your body, the cries that were loud enough to wake the whole neighborhood at this ungodly hour.

Blinded by the waves of tears that rocked you, your hands reached out to grasp for something, anything to help you steady yourself, ground yourself.

No.

Not something, but someone.

The sound of Jisung’s voice lulling your heart back to a normal pace when you’d seek his comfort after a nightmare. The way he would subtly pinch your elbow when the panic came in waves while you were out in public together. The way he would squeeze your hand and help bring you back down when you found yourself floating away, getting lost in your darkened thoughts. The feeling of Jisung's body enclosing around yours in a hug so soft and so safe you felt nothing more than at peace.

You needed that sense of security, now more than ever as you searched blindly for the anchor you’d grown so accustomed to but stupidly left behind.

You’ve never felt so completely and utterly alone.

So alone that you nearly fainted when warm, steady fingers landed tenderly across your back. Your body froze despite the panic that was still coursing through your veins.

There was absolutely no fucking way.

Your head snapped up and whipped around so fast you thought you’d break your neck. The shock you felt when you saw who had come to your rescue almost knocked the anxiety out of your system. 

“Juho?” you barely managed, “Wha-wha-what are you do-doing out here?” you hiccuped in surprise at Seojun’s best friend.

Juho just shushed you and pulled you into a tight hug that was gentle and soothing. His thumbs rubbed circles into your back as he rocked you back and forth slowly, not caring if anyone walked by and saw you two sitting on the ground like this. Feeling his heartbeat against your chest, and the smell of the cinnamon soap he bought not too long ago, your heart began to settle, slowly but surely.

A long moment had passed before Juho finally spoke.

“Are you okay, y/n?” he asked softly, not bothering to pull away from you.

You squeezed your eyes shut, causing tears to fall down your cheeks and onto the fabric of his shirt. Then, you clenched your jaw so hard you were surprised your teeth didn’t break.

“Why did you come after me, Juho?” you asked quietly. Your body wanted to pull away from him but your heart longed for the warmth, strength, and security you’d been deprived of for so long. He reminded you of Changbin in a way. Even though his muscles weren’t nearly as big or comforting as Binnies, you still felt safe in his embrace.

The thought made you tense up again.

You never felt safe with anyone who wasn’t your immediate friend group.

Now you were slightly on edge.

“You were having a panic attack,” Juho stated, clearly confused at your question. It wasn’t every day someone willingly helped you through one of your panic attacks. Someone who was best friends with the reason behind it, to begin with.

“And?” you prompted.

“And I don’t like seeing people suffer,” he shrugged. 

The both of you were quiet for a moment, seemingly both lost in your own thoughts before he spoke up again. His body tensed around you, as if he was preparing himself to get hit for whatever it was he was going to say next.

“You’ve been suffering for a while now, haven’t you?”

Your eyebrows raised at his question and finally pulled away from his warm body, staring at him in utter shock.

“I’m sorry?” you asked, unsure whether you heard him right. Juho sighed and lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, but you flinched away from him quickly, causing his hand to fall back to his side. His eyes look strained and sad.

“I’m not an idiot y/n. I know what’s been happening.” You could tell he was trying to be reassuring and gentle with you, but he spoke to you as if you were nothing more than a small child who needed his help, and this caused you to become defensive out of habit.

“You don’t know anything, Juho.” you ground out between clenched teeth as you tried to pull out of his grasp completely and stand up. However, his hold was firm and you didn’t get very far.

“I know Seojun, and I know the type of guy he is. I know he plays women left and right and then tosses them aside like trash,” he explained.

An exasperated breath left your mouth, followed by a humorless chuckle.

“And you’re okay with that?” you question, your tone hard despite the tears that were still filling your eyes.

Juho shook his head and also let out a humorless laugh.

“I’m not. At all. But he’d been my best friend since we were seven years old. It’s hard to give up on that kind of friendship, you know?”

You scoffed at his words and pulled away from his embrace, thankful that he released now you without a fight,

“I don’t actually. None of my friends are abusive assholes like he is,” you spoke without thinking. You pulled yourself off of his lap and up onto your feet, dusting off your jeans in an attempt to straighten yourself out and look semi-presentable to anyone who would pass by. You didn’t want anyone to know you had just broken down the way you had, but the mascara tears staining your cheeks would say otherwise.

“So he has been abusing you,” Juho spoke quietly as he followed suit and stood up next to you. His hands came up to grasp your elbows, but you pulled away from him just as quickly.

“You didn’t think I actually fell down a flight of stairs, did you?” you snapped as you stepped away from him and grabbed your bag off the ground where it had fallen in your haste to get away from the bar.

“Well, I was hoping my suspicions were wrong,” Juho answered as he scratched the back of his neck and ran his hand through his blonde hair.

“Well, I’m sorry they weren’t.” you shot back in a clipped tone. You felt bad for taking your anger out on the innocent man before you, but now that the panic had disappeared, you didn’t know what to do with all the adrenaline you had left over.

“Why are you apologizing for him?” Juho then asked, his voice hard. You could feel the glare he was shooting into the side of your head, and that alone caused your already fragile state to break once more.

“I don’t know, Juho! Fuck! Maybe because he’s an asshole? Maybe because you’ve had to put up with him for nearly twenty years? Because he’s a piece of shit friend for going after the girl you like?” you offered.

Juho shook his head and put a hand up to stop you.

“You don’t have to apologize for that either, y/n. It’s not your fault. Kymmy has been nothing more than a test”

You raised an eyebrow at him as you wiped at the tears of makeup that were sticking to your face. “A test?” you asked in disbelief.

Juho shrugged again. “Yeah. A test. One to see if my best friend was a big enough piece of shit to openly go after the girl I like. And he is. Case closed.” He was trying to act nonchalant as if Kymmy was nothing more than just a girl, but you could see the sadness in his eyes. He really liked Kymmy, and she played him so well. 

The anger you felt began to slowly dissolve when you caught that look of regret in his eyes too. His tongue was prodding thoughtfully at his cheek, his eyes far away, as if he was recounting the past six months of flirting he and Kymmy had done through texts and phone calls. 

You couldn’t help but feel a little bit responsible for his heartbreak.

“You don’t have to be a hero, Juho.” your voice came out soft. “I know you liked her a lot.”

Juho waved off your words with another shrug of his shoulders before he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. 

“It is what it is,” he said as he kicked aimlessly at a loose stone in the ground. “I’m just glad I dodged a bullet with that one.”

Silence fell upon the two of you as you both then got lost in your thoughts once more. Juho looked as if he was debating whether he should go back inside and sit through the torture of seeing Kymmy and Seojun flirt openly with one another, or if he should just leave. Meanwhile, you got momentarily lost in the thought of what would’ve happened if you had just stayed with Jisung the night before you left.

Would you have gotten together? Or would you have talked more thoroughly about the pros and cons of it all and decided to stay friends? Would you have moved into the house, into his room, or would he have moved in with you? Would you have finally gone on tour with all of them, or would you be left behind once again with yourself and your thoughts? 

You liked to believe everything would’ve worked out. That you and Jisung would’ve gotten together and it would’ve been happily ever after for the two of you, but you couldn’t help but think that this entire tour had been a lesson. A mandatory one at that.

The distance had sucked, and the fight with Jisung was even worse, but spending all this time away and having no contact with him whatsoever only heightened your feelings for the man who had been your best friend for so many years. You thought leaving and getting away would help the both of you get over your infatuation with one another, but it only seemed to make the feelings stronger.

Maybe if you had just stayed home, broken up with Seojun, and stayed with the man you were meant to be with, Seojun wouldn’t have felt the need to go the lengths he had. Maybe he wouldn’t have had the urge to go after his best friend's girl in an attempt to make his own girlfriend jealous because he wouldn’t have a girlfriend to make jealous, to begin with.

You shook your head and tried to keep your irrational thoughts at bay.

A lesson learned was a lesson learned, but that didn’t mean you could start blaming yourself for everything that happened. You wouldn’t. It would only destroy you, and you knew that.

After a couple of long, silent moments of you and Juho just standing in the open, you looked at him, eyeing him softly.

“What are you going to do now?” you asked. The eyes that seemed so far away then zoned back into the present, and Juho blinked once before he gave you a knowing smile.

“What are you going to do now?” he shot back.

“Honestly, I just want to go home,” you told him with an exhausted breath. There was a bench a few feet away that you plopped yourself down onto, deciding that you’d rather wait outside until everyone was done with their drinks than go back inside the bar for the rest of the night out.

“Then go,” Juho replied as he bent to sit down next to you, seemingly making the same decision you did.

You let another huff of disbelief leave your mouth as you shook your head, looking out onto the Amsterdam canal in wonder. “I can’t.” 

Puffs of cloud seeped from Juho’s mouth as he exhaled into the cool evening air. He shook his head once and turned to give you a look of confusion.

“Why can’t you?”

You shrugged your shoulders and leaned back against the cool wood of the bench. “There’s no point. There's only two months left of this stupid tour, and Sookie advised me to stay. Apparently, the number of fans coming to the rest of the events for me specifically has nearly tripled in size.” you explained. 

Juho snorted despite the uneasiness that still sifted through the air around the two of you. “Sounds like she’s just after the money.”

It was your turn to snort before you spoke without thinking. “Yeah, that and Seojun’s dick.”

Juho winced at your poor attempt at a joke.

“I’m sorry y/n.”

You waved him off and mimicked his choice of words from earlier, a small smile on your face. “You have nothing to apologize for.” 

“And you have no obligation to stay.” Juho then gave you a pointed look, causing you to sigh.

“I can’t just leave Juho-.”

“Of course you can,” he interrupted with a serious look on his face.

You rolled your eyes at him. 

“And how would you like me to do that?”

A small grin crept onto his features.

“By packing your bags and getting on the next flight home.”

You shook your head again as a small laugh escaped your throat. Despite the physical similarities between Juho and Changbin, he was definitely giving off menacing vibes; he and Seungmin would have been great friends.

“No, I mean how am I supposed to leave? I can’t leave the tour when so many people are relying on me to be here.” You couldn’t quite understand why your brain wasn’t taking the easy way out and agreeing with Juho to just leave, but it was irritating the crap out of you the way your mind was still finding excuses to stay. “Think of the fans.”

Juho’s gaze on you turned hard and his lips thinned. He looked as if he was on the verge of lecturing you.

“Your health is more important than some stupid tour, y/n. Besides, once the boss finds out about Seojun and Sookie’s relationship, the entire tour will go down in flames.”

This caught your attention, your ears now perking up like you imagine a dog would as your eyes shot to Juho.

“Wait, Sookie isn’t the one in charge?” you asked.

Juho chuckled and shook his head.

“God, no. She doesn’t need that kind of power, are you kidding me? She works for the company that published Seojun and I. Once the boss finds out about their secret relationship, it’s over for the both of them.” he paused briefly when your eyebrows raised in shock at the news. “Yeah, it’s honestly probably best for you to leave sooner rather than later so you don’t get caught up in the crosshairs. The last thing you need on your hands is a scandal.”

You nodded in understanding before your mouth then stupidly opened itself and babbled again, not allowing your brain time to stop it.

“Shouldn’t I stay and attest to it if they need me to?”

You wanted to smack yourself for yet again trying to find a reason to stay but thankfully, Juho’s clenched jaw and scowl hit just the same.

“I will take of it. You go home,” he assured you.

You fell quiet for a moment as Juho’s words set in. All this time you were waiting, begging for someone to come along and find you, someone to see through the act Seojun had conjured up and help you escape him and his antics. You never in a million years thought his best friend would be the one to do it.

“Why are you helping me?” you asked suddenly, your voice small and unsure as you stared into Juho’s dark, kind eyes. A smile pulled at the side of his lips and he licked them once before he scratched the back of his neck and answered you.

“Because Felix would kick my ass if I didn’t,” he answered softly.

Your eyes grew wide again at the revelation.

“Wait, you-”

“Nine years of taekwondo together. I left after an injury landed me in the hospital, but he went on for another three. If he found out you were in this situation and I didn’t help to get you out, he’d probably kill me with a roundhouse kick to the skull.”

For the first time in what felt like months, a genuine laugh had bubbled from your throat before you could stop it. Juho joined in, the two of you laughing like everything in the world was okay and you weren’t on the verge of another panic attack at the thought of leaving and letting so many people down.

“I didn’t even know you two knew each other until Felix had texted when we arrived and told me to make sure Seojun takes you to the Royal Palace. I knew then that I needed to help you out of here, I just didn’t know how. Seojun never allowed me to talk to you one-on-one either. Probably afraid I’d snatch you up.” Juho then explained in a thoughtful breath. 

Another laugh left your mouth at the irony, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to stop. If you stopped laughing, you’d probably start crying again, and you didn’t know if you could survive another round of waterworks right now.

“Ironic, but true.” you mused. 

Juho wrapped his arm around your shoulder in a friendly gesture, and you relaxed with ease now that you knew Juho was one of the good ones. Felix wouldn’t have texted him if he wasn’t. You were just glad, thankful to finally have someone on your side.

“Stop worrying about what would make everyone else happy, y/n. At the end of the day, your happiness is what should matter most. And you won’t feel that happiness again until you get home. So go.” he urged on. “It’s time to go.”

You nodded your head slowly, almost habitually, as if leaving was now suddenly the easiest answer in the world. Because it was.

Juho was right.

It was time to go home.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg I'm so glad I finally got this stupid chapter written and posted. I absolutely HATED this chapter the first time I posted it back on my old blog, so I'm so happy I was able to go back again and change it for you all.. I am so much happier this time around with the outcome.

Thank you all for being ever so patient with me these last few weeks. I've fallen into a bit of a depressive pit with some personal shit going on, but I'm slowly on the mend. I want to get the rest of this mini-series done and posted so I can finally get back to working on The Blackened Heart,

Thank you again for reading and enjoying! Feedback is always apprciated!

I'll see you soon for Part Four! <3

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Taglist: @sungshineworld @collisvng @ihrtlix @queen-in-the-shadows

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[mrwinterr]

So Happy

Pairing: Rockstar!Bucky Barnes AU x Female Reader

Summary: After a night with your favorite artist, you’re left wondering where you both really stand. 

Warnings: Smut 18+ (consensual, but unprotected sex, oral [male & female receiving], vaginal penetration and fingering, size kink and dirty talk). Language. Light mentions of substance abuse. Lying asses. Internet toxicity (I hate it here sometimes). Angst, I guess...TIME SKIP...and absolute horrendous fluff (that’s not my brand, alright).

Disclaimer: You can read part 1 here! It would make some sense. 

A/N: This follow-up is still based on some true events. Can’t hate the players, hate the game. For the most part it’s made up because some of us deserve the ending we think we deserve. I’m dedicating this to @shawnie--jo​ for all the love, enthusiasm and the patience because this took me a while. It’s a doozy! & with that note, enjoy!

“You owe me,” is the first thing you hear your friend say the moment you stepped foot back into the hotel you had booked for the night before. It was in a much different tone than of the one she had in line for the concert.

Frozen in place, you turn your attention to her sitting figure on one of the single couches of the lobby. She wasn’t happy that much you could tell judging by the expression on her face and the way she sat impatiently, one leg over the other and her arms crossed against her chest.

The bag next to hers on the ground adjacent to her feet were your belongings. The way it was misshapen suggested she had hastily shoved your things back in it for you. She must’ve been in a rush to leave before checking out or…

“You owe me $50 for the late check out fee,” she clarifies, ceasing all thoughts of why she was currently pissed at you.

Now begins the walk of shame. It wasn’t something you were used to. Could you even call this that? You had no reason to feel ashamed because you were completely aware of last night’s events. You defended your decision as so! Then why did you feel this way?

Perhaps it had to do with you just now returning to the hotel you were supposed to have been checked out of hours ago, but instead you’re greeted to your more than displeased best friend staring daggers at you for a different reason.

Sheepishly bringing a hand to rub the back of your neck, when you’re close enough to her, you open your mouth to begin apologizing, but she wasn’t done as she got up on her feet to level with you.

“You said you would be back before check out,” she said voice slowly rising in volume, no matter the distance between you two was close or not, you could tell this was just the start of a catalyst, “and it’s...oh,” she stops to look down at her phone, which shined bright revealing her lock screen and more importantly the time, “...only three hours past check out!” Yup, not happy with you at all.  

“I know you’re upset,” you start with the obvious, “and you have the right to be. I said I would be back in time, but I wasn’t,” maybe admitting you were wrong would allow her to see you were indeed aware of your mistakes, soften the blow to come a little bit.

“Upset? I’m disappointed!” she says, her arms falling to her sides and with a look of disbelief but is quickly washed over with indisposition. “Some sell-out rockstar invites you over to see him and you lose your sense of mind?”

“Look, I’ll pay you back. It’s no big deal.” At least on your end, you’re trying to remain calm even when her tone and choice of words get under your skin. You didn’t need this weekend to end on a bad note.

“This isn’t about the money!” She proclaimed.

“Then why are you bitching at me? I’m a grown adult! I know what I did-” Yeah, at least you were trying to stay composed, right?

“Do you?” She challenges. It’s one of those rhetorical questions, in which she didn’t need an answer to, but you were still going to give her one.

“Yes, ok. I slept with Bucky and I don’t regret it.”

The defense you put up so quickly around you weren’t something your friend was used to witnessing...maybe to your parents, yeah, but not at her. Sure, you’ve both had the occasional quarrels, but your relationship and sexual life was different because she really cared for your wellbeing and would be damned if someone hurt you.

“I’m just worried,” she admits for her initial brute front, “what you did was totally unlike you and I…”

“What?” You interrupt her, growing more tired of this conversation by the second.

“I don’t trust Bucky.” She blurts out.

You scoff at that reasoning, “you don’t know him-”

“And you do?” This time she interrupts and catches you off guard on that one. “You’re right. I don’t know him, but you said it yourself. Bucky meets tons of people every day. He’s on the road a lot. It’s easy for him to get lonely.”

There it was again. The self-conscious thoughts questioning everything about last night’s events. In a pathetic display of defense, you start counter-questioning her with some of the statements Bucky said to you. Why would he tell you all those sweet things and pretty promises if he knew he could have you so easily? Why would he think you weren’t like the other women out there who exposed their escapades for their 15 minutes of fame? What made him think anything of you? There were other girls in the crowd.

“He’s going to tell you things he wants you to hear to get what he wants.” She really believed that. She knew what some men were capable of. She had more experience than you and you often turned to her for things like this.

Her last sentence was something to let sink in. The way last night played out and the last few hours you spent with Bucky; you were blinded by a rose tint world.

Earlier that morning...

“You know,” Bucky starts with his gaze first set on your face, slowly starting to drift down your body trying to catch a glimpse of uncovered skin that the blanket was doing a horrible job in concealing. You watch with bubbling desire the way he bit his bottom lip and eyes growing darker, ”...if you ever need anything. I’m here to help. I can get you out of that town and you can stay with me in Brooklyn. We’ll find you a place to work in that’ll appreciate you more.”

He was a dream. He was so sweet, but you weren’t going to deny it. As much as you adored what little you knew about the real Bucky, a part of you that was always so careful was also skeptical. That voice in the back of your mind, whether it was your parents, teachers in the past, PSA spokespersons or your best friend, was still trying to tell you Bucky wasn’t an exception.

Then on the other hand, you were finally getting what you wanted. You weren’t a little girl anymore. You could take care of your own heart. Why couldn’t you have some fun? Indulge a little. Life is too short to sit around and wait. If he was serious about any of the things he said, then great! If not, oh well, you’ll live. What’s life without experience, right?

You just never imagined any of the harmless mentions or replies through social media were going to get you in bed with him and so smitten.

When Bucky pulls his lips away from you, he repositions himself on the bed to lie on his back and bask in the comfortable silence. You’re still on your side, but your eyes suddenly widen as you curiously take a peek over his frame and notice the red numbers of the alarm clock on the bedside table. The curtains were drawn shut, so you had no trace of the actual time of day.

“Shit,” you muttered to yourself, but was no use. It was just you and Bucky in the room and he’d definitely wonder why you’d grown frantic.

“Whoa. What’s the rush?” He says slowly sitting up, still exhausted, and watching you throw the hotel comforter over your body to get out of bed. You didn’t even care that you were naked in front of him. He’d have a souvenir to remember you by.

The sex tape was the least of your worries though. You fucking missed check out! You can only imagine the look on your friend’s face when you reunite.

“I missed check out,” you respond while momentarily being thrown off course in search of your underwear, but then instantly remembering how Bucky tore it off of you, and you did your best to push aside last night’s activities.

“What?” He asks, rubbing his face trying to rid himself of sleep. He had to get going too. The band was off to play in the next city in some hours. Unfortunately, you didn’t have enough time to take off from work to follow him.

“The hotel I’m staying at. I missed check out and my friend is going to be so pissed at me,” you explained beaten. You can’t for the life of you see where your clothes were in the dark room.

Drawing the curtains open or switching the light on without warning wouldn’t be ideal to the both of you and not only that, the effects of the substances your body was coursed through, the physicality of you and Bucky’s actions last night, the consequence of it all topped with the lone fact that you’re now standing naked in front of Bucky starts to seep in.

You try not to stand there awkwardly and do the only thing you can do. Inhibition creeping back in, you cover your face with your hands and breath in and out, hoping the floor would swallow you whole so you could escape this embarrassment and your friend’s pending wrath.

“Look,” Bucky says now in front of you, pulling your hands away from your face, he’s naked too, washing away some traces of vulnerability away, “you’re already late. You can’t change that. We can only keep moving forward,” he says, his arms slipping around your body to pull you close to his.

The sudden jolt from the skin-to-skin contact quickly subsides with the warmth of his body transferring onto yours. You hold onto his biceps and nod in acceptance. Any attempt to rush back to your hotel wasn’t going to do you any favors now.

“So then, what do you say we get cleaned up and try to enjoy our time together?” The way his head tilted to the side, a not-so-subtle hint in the direction of the shower in the bathroom, his smooth voice and his eyes half-lidded, ready to get lost in you one more time.

You said it yourself, life was short, so if you already knew your friend was going to chew you out, why deny yourself of its pleasures right now, especially if it’s coming from Bucky. 

“Can we just get going? We’ll catch traffic on the way back to the city if we just stand here and keep putting each other down,” you ask, slightly shaking your head of the early morning activities and straightening yourself up, bending forward to pick up your bag and sling it over your shoulder.

This little spat would eventually pass. None of the arguments you two had were ever threatening to your friendship with each other. You’ve both fought over things much more critical that it’d be a shame to let it be over someone like Bucky.

Before you could turn back around to exit, your friend grabs a hold of your arm and stops you. “I don’t want to see you get hurt. I could be wrong. Bucky could be the one, but I want you to be smart about doing whatever you end up doing with him. I just want you to ultimately be happy,” she says wholeheartedly.

You knew she was only coming from a good place. She only ever encouraged you to do your best and the right thing. She was the one you sought out advice from and she never led you astray. In the end, you knew you couldn’t ever truly be mad at her. You owed her more than $50 alone.

“Thanks. I’m sorry for snapping at you. I know your intentions are in the right place and I really appreciate you for everything. You even agreed to come to this show with me! But I’m only human and I’m going to make mistakes along the way,” you say and notice the fallen look on her face, but you don’t give her long enough to feel sorry for you with your follow up statement, “...if I get hurt, it’s going to suck, but I’ll get back up, learn from it and move on. Plus, I’ll have you there by my side to tell you I told you so...again, and we both know how much you enjoy that!” You end it on a joking note.  

A look of hope creeps back in on your friend and she’s pleased to see your resilient attitude again. You give her your best steadfast smile and it seemingly proved to be successful enough for her to accept your answer as she pulls you in for a warm hug.

You wonder, what Bucky’s motive was? He was Bucky Barnes. He could have anyone. Why did he trust you enough to be intimate with? What was his game? You just had to keep telling yourself for your sanity and wellbeing, with or without Bucky, in the end you’d still be happy.

The months to follow after that tour, you and Bucky had continued to stay in touch. You genuinely felt happy. He was giving you attention! From daily texts and long phone conversations or video calls, some rather suggestive than most, you were able to really learn a lot about each other. While you minded his glamorous lifestyle, each interaction erased all notions of it and he was just another normal human being.

If you were being truthful, a part of you was hoping whatever the two of you had was exclusive. You didn’t want to admit it, but you were in a way reserving yourself for Bucky because you felt there was something between you two and maybe he was just like you and too shy to be the one to bring it up first.

At times you’d find yourself being the one to initiate conversation...especially when the communication started becoming less frequent. They then reduced to just Holiday texts and suddenly they’d become unresponsive and you’d even be left on read. He never flew you to Brooklyn. He never followed you back on social media. You’d accepted he was most likely busy and the excuse of not wanting to attract unwanted attention to you, but the reality of it was he had seemed to move on.  

It’d been close to a year and things were really quiet. The Avengers hadn’t released anything new nor did they have an upcoming tour to rehearse for. You’re trying to not let Bucky’s silence bug you and do what you’ve always told yourself - keep living your life. You weren’t going to lie to yourself, you were angry at first for letting him get to you like that and realize that boys will be boys. They would never grow a real pair and be straight with women. They always had to go and sugarcoat everything. You had to accept it. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. You were just a one-night stand and the worst part of it was that you consented to it, so you couldn’t hold anything against him.

Things picked back up in your life, work demanded more of your time and you were dating again, taking it very slow and casual. You knew nothing more would come out of it, but it was enough to distract you from Bucky. Life was slowly returning back to normal, even though it never truly could be, until you notice Bucky is posting regularly on his social media accounts again.

It’s not so much that but is one of the comments from another user that is a constant in each sporadic post. You recognize the user as an international model from another country. Curiosity gets the best of you and you decide to check out her profile, noting all the photos of them together and realizing that while you thought Bucky went M.I.A., he was spending his free time getting cozy with her in exotic places.

Her comments start out harmless in the beginning, but quickly become more and more persistent until one sets the record straight. It read, “that’s MY man” followed by a number of heart eye emojis.

You didn’t even know Bucky and the model knew of each other, but why wouldn’t they? He was exposed to extraordinary people, so finding someone in the business was a better bet than settling with you. They lived in a totally different world than yours.

There’s a plethora of thoughts that run through your mind. This is why he isn't responding to you. He had a girlfriend, who was in a much different league than of your own, and he didn’t really go public with it on his end. It made you sad, that much you could admit to yourself because you held back for him, but you weren’t going to admit this feeling to him or your friend or the world. You were going to prove to them you’d do the same thing - move on. 

It’s a rather slow day at work and you’ve resulted in mindlessly scrolling through your Facebook newsfeed, but growing tired of lame memes and life updates from people you haven’t spoken to since high school, you switch over to Twitter for a more different kind of news and also a bit of some entertainment.

You’re not expecting the particular topic to be trending - #BuckyBarnesIsCancelled. You’d manage to move on from whatever it was between you and Bucky and returned back to your daily routine. You tried to remain a fan of The Avengers, but it wasn’t the same. The fling, if you could call it, with Bucky wouldn’t let you. You’d always be grateful for how their music impacted your life, but you’d have to keep living your life despite what transpired.  

Sitting up from your slumped position in your office chair, you ponder for maybe two seconds before clicking on the hashtag. Things were still pretty quiet with The Avengers, with the exception of paparazzi photos here and there, but this seemingly came out of nowhere. What stupid thing did he get himself into?

“No way,” you mock at the headline. Claims of Bucky being mentally abusive, and an addict were being made left and right.

You scrolled through the timeline and threads of replies to find the source of it all and you were shocked that it came from none other than his own girlfriend...well now ex-girlfriend you assumed. The vindictive side of you only allowed a small part in finding some humor in this, but if Bucky was any bit of the Bucky you spent the night with and got to know for those few short months then this was sad for him.

There wasn’t much you could do though. What were you to do? Send him a message of condolences of some sort? He’d probably just leave you on read. Whatever you two had was long over.

Bucky’s agency did well to defend him and save his reputation. They released one statement to clear things up. There’d been images before of him partying and no doubt high on some substance, but that didn’t prove he was an addict. Then again, did you ever really know him? You’d been exposed to that stuff around and because of him. Some people just had more access to certain things than others did.

In some time, when things leveled out once more, he seemed to be back in the clear, but at a rate where people have already decided whose story they believed over the other, whose side they were on, the damage had been done. If there was a recurring theme here, Bucky had one thing to do after the scandal - move on with his life.

It felt a little strange being here again. If you take into consideration some of the things that had already happened, a lot has really changed since you were last in a line to see The Avengers live.

The band had taken a short hiatus to let the fire die out from Bucky’s scandal. It was probably a smart move - to let people cool their jets and forget. It was last reported Bucky had turned a new leaf...something about getting help. Steve took time off to focus on other projects...something about humanitarian work. Sam released some solo stuff...something with a different sound, but still as successful. The time off was probably the best for the guys.

There weren’t as many people it seemed, but enough for them to play in one of the city’s largest venues. You suppose that’s what a span of three years could do to an artist. When the tour was announced you weren’t sure if you should buy a ticket or not, but it’d been some time since you had a night where you could forget about the stresses of the world for a few hours. Never mind the short stint between you and Bucky, you were still a fan of their music and the joyous feeling you got from it was timeless.

This time you were alone. You didn’t even tell your friend they were touring again. Bucky was almost a nonexistent topic for a good while now. Plus, she had her own life to live and couldn’t always be there next to you. You were the bigger fan after all. On top of that, she would’ve most likely have advised against you attending.

Your attire was not to impress, electing on something casual and comfortable with a simple pair of jeans, a leather jacket over a nice top that did a better job at controlling your cleavage than the last one, and cute boots. Yeah, a lot had changed, but the scene didn’t as there were still a mix of fans, old and new, over and under dressed.

The guys still had it. They looked great! They definitely belonged on the stage for the world to see. They even played a 3-song encore. You could tell they loved doing what they did and anyone who was a fan could feel the passion and energy they poured out in the performance.

You’re currently sitting in the seat of your car, head resting against the headrest as you try to unwind a little from standing for a few hours and from the walk back to the parking garage when your phone vibrates and chimes loudly.  

You glance over at the device you placed next to the driving console and your eyebrows scrunch in confusion at the name that appeared. Bucky Barnes. You’d never deleted his number and his text message thread had remained at the very bottom of your messaging app all this time. A sense of apprehension flows through you as you wonder what he could possibly want. How do you just text someone after ghosting them for over a year? Not to mention to someone you did something so intimate with and made all those promises to in the past. How does one do that?

Not wanting to dwell on it any longer or slip into restless thoughts about Bucky again because it wasn’t a walk in the park to forget about him, you open the text. It asks if you were in attendance because he claimed to have seen you in the crowd. This time around you’re not overthinking about what to respond with, you simply say yes. He’d been quick with his next message asking if you were still in the area to meet up.

The wise thing would probably be to reject the invite, but you find yourself once again staring at a hotel door waiting for him to open it. Initially, you’d suggested he tell you what he wanted to say via text, but he said it was something that had to be told in person. So, having been through what you had as a result of meeting up with him in the past, you had some sense of mind this time, you’d just have to make another mental note to not jump into bed with him again. If you were being truthful to yourself, the sex tape left you feeling a little cheap. He didn’t even send it to you as some form of fucked up courtesy or assure you that it wasn’t ever going to get leaked and luckily it hasn’t. You hoped he’d deleted it.

It was almost like Deja vu. You might as well have been reliving the night the first time Bucky invited you over to his hotel room. In the beginning it was kind of awkward and quiet, and it was exactly that years later, just with added history of course.

You’d chosen to sit on the end of one of the beds while Bucky moved slowly around the room trying to gather his thoughts and where to start. He notices the change in you. You were more confident and as you should be. Bucky Barnes couldn’t intimidate you this time. He had more to be embarrassed about than you did now.

Even though you had nowhere to be in the morning, it was getting late and you really would just like to get this meeting over with and Bucky was stalling.

“Bucky, why did you invite me here?” You say, the one to break the ice. He finally stops fidgeting around and focuses on you.

“I...I wanted to apologize,” he starts off, and you’re unmoving silence allows him to continue, “I realize how much of a complete dick I was to you…”

“What do you mean?” You ask. It’s not like he spread any dirty rumors about you or anything. He didn’t need to apologize for anything that you’re aware of. Maybe for leading you on, but you came to terms some time ago that maybe he didn’t owe you an explanation or perhaps you’d never get one. Yet here you both are.

“I used you,” he explains, now you’re confused, and he can see you’re not getting it entirely, which pains him. You didn’t think anything he did with you was wrong because you consented to it. It took two to tango, right?

Except it wasn’t like that at all and he wanted you to know how he strung you along all just for a quick fuck in the beginning and to cover his tracks he acted like he cared in getting to know you afterwards not realizing something purely good could come out of it for him. The confession wasn’t meant to hurt you again, but for you to realize your worth. He messed up with someone so special.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I remembered you from years before when you tripped in front of me,” there’s a small trace of happiness in the fond memory, “...and when I saw you in the crowd that night, fuck you looked so good and you still do…” he ended up a flustered mess after that small admission.

“Where is this going?” You ask hoping he’d get back on track and reveal the rest, trying to keep the fact he admitted an attraction to you in the back of your mind.

“Right...I’ll admit my ego got the best of me. The band was doing so well, everyone noticed us! I was getting attention from all kinds of people! I got hooked to different things,” suppose those articles were true then about him getting clean, you thought to yourself, “...it does get lonely on the road and I was so desperate for anyone,” oh you hoped and prayed he wouldn’t say what he was going to say next, but he does, “...and I knew there wouldn’t be that much effort on my part to get you to sleep with me.”

Great. Your friend was right then, and he was just like any other house name artist.

“Um...okay, that’s not something I was wanting to hear about myself,” you said after letting that sink in. Did you still appear to look easy?

“No, I’m sure it’s not, but when we were alone together everything was just easy-”

“Yeah, I got that. I’m easy!” You interrupt, and now you’re angry. As he’s trying to explain his actions, you started thinking about how mad and hurt you were when he started ghosting you. You couldn’t be upset about him getting a girlfriend, but the fact that he didn’t think he could continue even being your friend and instead just chose to ignore you was the better option was hella annoying.

“That’s not what I meant!” He says trying to justify his choice of words.

“Then how did you mean it?” You demand, and Bucky is a bit stunned with your new attitude. He foresaw that he would have a difficult time in explaining himself, but he didn’t think it’d be this hard dealing with how much his actions affected you.

“Everything was easy with you because you made it easy to feel,”

“I don’t know if I understand,” you say and attempt to get up, “...maybe this was a bad idea.”

“No, please. Let me finish,” Bucky is quick to get in front of you as he pleads for you to stay. You give him a slight nod and sit back down.

“Things with you were easy in a sense that being around you I was able to just be myself. I’ve never said those things to girls before you! I didn’t have to impress you with anything flashy. I even forgot I was some rockstar! You’re an incredible person, really-”

“I’m sorry, Bucky, but I just can’t,” you say, hating to interrupt him again, but you’re not ready to hear any of this, “...none of this still doesn’t sound right. It was just one night and then how do you explain just ghosting me the moment you get a supermodel girlfriend?” that last part came out unintentionally feisty but might as well let him know how you’d felt, “You couldn’t even be my friend when you were with her! I guess it was easy to just forget me too…”

Bucky lowers his head ashamed of how he handled that and just nods in acknowledgement of his actions, “you’re right. It doesn’t make sense, but what I feel is even harder to explain...”

“None of this accounts for her,” you demand. A part of you just wanted to know where she came from. How did it happen? Who asked who out? It wasn’t important information to know about, but the urge of human curiosity was large.

“She wasn’t even my idea,” he muttered, not really wanting to talk about her.

“What?” You ask.

“Getting with her was the label’s idea,” he admits, hating he was coerced into the idea of an on-screen relationship.

You scoff at the stupidity of fake relationships in the Entertainment industry. Why did people get their rocks off over it? Were OTPs really that a big deal? Are people so bored with their own lives that they have to push corporate into bringing two people who don't have feelings for each other together? However, Bucky thinks you don’t believe him and given how little you developed in trusting him with things, he’s not entirely wrong.

“I know it was a dumb thing to agree to and it’s one of the horrors working in this business, but I know now I should’ve just been forward with you,” Bucky says, voice still riddled begging for forgiveness.

“Why couldn’t you then?” You interrogate and notice the creases of distress on his face soften. “If I made it so easy to feel, then why wasn’t it just that to tell me the truth?”

“I-I don’t know,” he replies.

“Yes, you do,” you retort, and pretend you’re going to leave, but by doing so you know it’ll only get him to spill the beans quicker.

“I was scared!” He admits, stepping in front of you and keeping you still in your place on the end of the bed.

“Scared? Of what? Me?” You ask incredulously looking up at him.

“Yes!” He says and kneels down in front of you. “You’re so perfect! You’re real! You don’t treat me like I’m some celebrity. You didn’t even participate when people started cancelling me or whatever! You could’ve and you had every right to expose me, but you didn’t!” Your act did the trick, because the words just kept coming out of Bucky.

“I’m so sorry for ignoring you, for not telling you I was with her, but the more I got to know you, a part of me got really scared that I couldn’t keep being the kind of man you deserved because of my problems,” by this point, Bucky has placed both his hands on either side of you, his arms trapping you, “...trust me, I had a lot of time to think about everything I did wrong and what harm my reckless lifestyle has on others…I just feared it was already too late, but the one thing that I always thought about that helped me get through it was the lone night I had with you. I was so happy! I wanted that again...I had to get back to that, so I invited you back to try,” you didn’t even realize how close his face was to yours. He looked so torn and you hated seeing him like that, but there was nothing you could say that could fix things right now.

Bucky now felt vulnerable and almost pathetic. Just because he wanted another shot of happiness, and with you of all people, what made it okay for him to think you wanted to try again? You weren’t so certain of what you wanted with him anymore.

“Wow,” is all you give. You’re not sure what more you could add. After all that, he actually liked you? Were you still sure you weren’t living in some fanfic world? You needed some time to think about that and much to Bucky’s expectations, you weren’t going to come to a conclusion before you left this room tonight.

“Is there anything else you want to say?” You offer him the floor, and he gets it. You’re not going to say anything particular to his confession, at least not now. He’s not upset at all. It was a lot to take in. He had time to think, and he had to respect the time you’d need now.

He nods and backs away, realizing the close proximity, “just one question,” you nod this time and let him ask, “do you regret it?”

You know what he’s referring to, sleeping with him, the sex tape, the countless conversations, meeting with him right now - everything.

“No,” you answer honestly.

He lets out a weak smile, looking down sheepishly and adds, “I’ve never done anything like this with anyone before, I promise.”

He could promise and swear up and down all he’d like, but how could you be really sure? The only response you could give him is a small, neutral hum in acknowledgement.

Bucky knew this conversation wasn’t going to go as he had hoped. He really didn’t have a plan, he just really wanted to see you again. He goes silent and you know at this point, everything was all laid out. Time would tell the rest if this was worth saving.

“I can forgive you. I know I can because in a way part of moving on allows one to do so but completing a session or doing time in rehab doesn’t really prove anything,” you said brutally honest with him, he looks up at you almost defeated and just waiting for the final blow.

“You said a lot of promising things back then and you said a lot more tonight,” you add on, and gently begin to remove his hands from the spots either side of you to let you free, and get up to head out, however not with one more thing he could reflect on, also giving him hope, “...you need to show you’ve really changed,” then the conversation was over.

In some ways, these events needed to happen. He had to hit rock bottom to learn from his mistakes and kick out the bad habit. He knew now that he had to work hard to give you a reason to trust him and maybe even in the long run be with him.

On the other hand, you had to go through this whole thing in order to not base your happiness on someone else. You could be happy on your own and open enough to be with someone that wasn’t Bucky. 

For the next few months, to your surprise, Bucky had actually made an effort to keep in touch with you. It wasn’t overbearing and he minded your space as well as he could from a distance, given that he was still busy with the band and other duties that came with his status.

While at times he could be flirty, you learned it was part of his charm. Your friend wasn’t entirely thrilled when you’d admitted to her that you visited Bucky that night. You might’ve not shown it, but she knew how much his past actions affected you. Granted it did its job in teaching you a lesson and in return allowed you to be more confident and to not take anyone’s bullshit, she’d be damned if Bucky tried to pull another act like that around you again.

By now, you were comfortable enough with him to even tell him about random dates you’d gone on; none proving to be long-term, but it was nice to confide in someone else other than your best friend and get an opinion from a male perspective.

You weren’t going to lie, there was a part of you that still liked Bucky more than a friend, but you weren’t sure when it was okay to willingly go all in again with him. Sure, you’d given him another chance, but just how low could people really go to get what they wanted? Some people could just be really manipulative, and you weren’t wanting to ruin what you’ve both rebuilt for yourselves. Either way, you’d be happy with him in your life even as a friend, which is how it could’ve gone if he’d been honest from the get-go.

The year was coming to a close and you’re at your job’s annual Christmas party. You’d managed to convince your friend to be your plus one, but she claimed she didn’t need bribery because your company always ordered outstanding catering and who in their right mind would turn down free food anyways?

Aside from pretending you were having a great time talking to your co-workers, most of which whom you barely spoke to at the office and as faux-friendly as they were tonight, you felt stupid for glancing at your phone every now and then hoping to get a message from Bucky. He’d been keeping you entertained the first half of the party until he just stopped responding.

Your friend had ditched you to take advantage of the open bar several minutes ago, so you were sitting at a table alone trying not to look pathetic. You started thinking of when an appropriate time would be to leave when the Market Manager of your job took the mic. Too late, you thought to yourself and decided to get comfortable in your seat and listened to what cheesy Holiday speech they had to give, but what you hadn’t expected was a surprise guest.  

“What the hell?” You said to yourself as you watched Bucky, Steve and Sam shake hands with one of your bosses before settling into what would appear as an acoustic performance.

How’d they manage to get in contact with your job? Who gave them the in? Bucky knew what you did for a living, but you never stayed on that subject long enough to think much about it. Then your friend slides into the empty seat next to you, a drink in one hand and a knowingly smirk on her lips, one that suggests she was definitely in on this act. You didn’t realize how long you’d been staring at her with a stupid look of disbelief all over your face until your name is echoed throughout the speakers.

It snaps you out of your trance and you focus your attention to Bucky on stage, a huge smile on his face. All formalities set aside, he highlights you and your friendship before jumping into their new single, which was widely popular right now. Normally, you weren’t one to take compliments easily, not used to so much attention, but the whole world disappeared with Bucky.

Once their little set was over, the majority of your colleagues enjoyed the performance and asked for photos, to which the guys were more than happy to appease to. Your friend had managed to escape your clutches once more, this time abandoning you for the dessert table. You’re not alone for long as Bucky occupies the seat left open next to you. You look around your surroundings, hoping there aren’t any more surprises in store, and practically attack him with a big hug.

Bucky’s chuckle is muffled, his face buried in your hair, as he wraps his arms around you to return the gesture. When you pull away, you’re almost left speechless, but you’re dying to know how he managed to get here. He was technically still on tour and this was not one of the passing by cities.

“How?” You ask.

“Hi to you too,” he said with a cheeky grin, to which you playfully slap his arm, and he responds with your friend’s name. He explained how he’d wanted to see you and how much he had to grovel for your friend to trust him. She’d helped him arrange a meeting with your boss, who turned out to be a huge fan of The Avengers, and even sneak them inside the building all under your nose. She wasn’t easy to persuade, but if she was convinced enough to work with Bucky on anything then you knew this meant something more.  

The initial notion of wanting to leave the party immediately vanished and you wanted nothing more than to just sit there in Bucky’s company all night. Steve and Sam greeted you and you never realized that this was actually the first time meeting them formally and not outside of a venue. They weren’t rockstars to you any more than you were just a fan to them. They were Bucky’s friends, of course he’d confined to them on his end as much as you did with yours.

At some point they had excused themselves to catch the last flight headed back to Brooklyn, but Bucky had decided to stay longer. When it was time to leave, you found out Bucky hadn’t planned long enough to where he would stay the night in your city. The original plan was to fly back home with the guys and pick up on the remainder of the tour. They had a few days off, but it was just a few days shy of ending, and he couldn’t wait that long to see you.

It’s funny how life works because this time you’re the one inviting him to your place. You weren’t going to blame it on the open bar or how late it was or the underlying tension that was surrounding you two, but one thing was certain, it was mutual, and you both weren’t going to deny the attraction any longer.

You’d missed the weight of Bucky’s body on yours more than you’d realized as your hands held his face, keeping his lips attached to yours. You could taste the remnants of the unfinished drink he’d abandoned at the coffee table on his tongue. Bucky’s hands hiked your leg over his waist to get you to lie flat on your couch.

You’re the first to attempt to remove clothing by popping open the buttons of his button-up shirt before completely ridding of the item leaving him in his thin undershirt. You feel his hands slide up from your hips along your back as they dig into the minimal space the arch of your back had created for him to slowly unzip the back of your dress. With your lips both still attached, you manage to sit up, your dress falling down and bunching at the waist in the process, exposing your breasts. He couldn’t have picked a more perfect time to see you in an outfit that would not work with a bra.

Bucky curses breathlessly when he pulls his lips away from yours for a quick breather, but in the process, he takes a peek at your half naked body. You can tell he’s just itching to touch you and you take the commanding lead and place his hands on you. The atmosphere grows thicker, him kneading your breasts, you smash your lips on his in a sloppy lock.

You push Bucky down on his end of the couch and manage to kick your loose dress all the way down your legs and off your body. Bucky’s hands travel down to the curve of your ass before he grabs a handful of flesh, causing you to moan into the kiss. Your hands rake through his styled hair, the product he used unstiffening and his hair falls limp in your grasps.

Bucky’s hands started to aid your hips in moving roughly against his clothed member, desperate to relieve some friction, and you internally blushed remembering how thick he was, how full it felt to have his cock stuffed inside of you. You didn’t remain celibate during the hiatus of your relationship, you both had urges, but Bucky had really ruined others that came after him.

Your lips drifted down Bucky’s body, kissing at the skin of his chest in the pattern following the swoop-line seam of the undershirt that he was still wearing. You skipped the expanse of his toned stomach, until you’re met with the small amount of skin that peeked between his bottoms and hem of his undershirt. You slightly lift the material up and place small pecks at his lower abdomen, which causes a low groan to rumble in Bucky’s throat.

Your fingers deftly unbuckle his belt and unbutton his pants, with the zipper pulled apart, you’re marveling at the imprint of his hard cock, already twitching and staining his boxers. You manage to break your gaze and look up at Bucky, who is desperately pleading with you to proceed. Your eyes never leave his as you lower your head closer to his member, tongue darting out to the dark spot of his boxers, tasting the precum.

The contact causes him to squirm and lips form in a tight line. You pull down his pants and agonizingly peel off his boxers slowly, dragging it down to his thighs, just enough to expose him enough for you to work with before you wrap a hand around his length. Bucky’s upper body is supported by his bent elbows so he could watch you.

You kiss the tip of his leaking cock, a small string of his precum sticking to your lips when you pull back, to which you run your tongue over. Bucky’s head falls back just in time when your lips enclose the head, tongue twirling around the ridge and teasingly at the slit and loving the sound of his breath getting caught in his throat. You inch your mouth down his length and your vacant hand gets quick to work on what you’re not able to intake while the other runs up his exposed abdomen, your fingers curling in and lightly scratching down as it runs down to massage one of his thighs. You can feel the muscle in his thigh flex at your touch the more your head bobs up and down on him.  

A plethora of curses spew from his mouth, but the rush of sucking his cock, the gurgling of your spit mixed with his precum and occasional choking noise when your throat contracts around him, is all you can hear from your perspective. When you part from his member, you’re breathing intensifies, desperate for more air to enter your system, eyes slightly watering, lips swollen, your hand lazily slathering the wetness all over him.

“You’re so good at that,” Bucky comments and he finally manages to pick his head back up to look at you. He reaches forward to swipe at the mess on the corner of your chin, but you’re hungry for more, and you move your head to the side to suck on his thumb, eyes closed as you hum at the taste of his skin and essence.

Your soft tongue running against the pad of his somewhat calloused thumb, it pops lightly when you release the digit, a small, devious smile on your lips as you scoot away to lie on the other end of the couch. He’s almost at aghast by this, but even back then you were just always full of surprises around him and he wasn’t going to deny the appeal of your sexual allure.

Bucky is quick to get to your side, completely riding himself off the rest of his clothes - the undershirt, pants and boxers - he had dressed to impress but right now nothing more than but overdressed. He gently parts your legs, kissing up your calves and thighs, until settles between them, you can feel his warm breath fanning against your scantily covered core.

Unlike last time, you’re not afraid to watch him and he sends you a knowingly wink, quickly ascending up to give you a sweet kiss, while his fingers slip inside your panties and between your lips. Your hips eagerly thrust upwards hoping his fingers slip in.

“Baby, we got all night,” he says cradling your face in his other hand. You let out a small whine, but regardless attempt to be patient. Bucky studies your face, mesmerized by every structure and unique feature, then what felt like an eternity, but in reality, was only a few seconds, he sinks a finger inside your wet pussy.

As soon as the gasp leaves your lips, his lips swoop in and tongue instantly dipping in search of yours. The heated kiss only heightens the sensation in the pit of your stomach, your hips losing control and every buck up into his hand, your clit rubs up against his palm, invigorating it. The curl of his finger, lightly probs at the right spot inside you, you uncontrollably squeal against his lips, with a hand against his chest you gently push his body away from yours.

“Oh my God! Fuck, Bucky…” you say with your head tilting back to the curve of the couch’s arm. You feel Bucky’s lips kiss and suck at your exposed neck as his fingers continue their handy work, the lewd noises causing your eyes to roll back.

His lips find their way next to your ear, gently nipping at it, and you could just drown at the sound of his husky breathing and filthy words. “Can I taste you?” He asks. You’re not sure why he was asking, you’d want nothing less. You nod almost instantaneously before allowing him to remove your panties.  

Bucky’s hungry eyes remain fixated on your glistening core, “oh, I missed this pussy,” he comments before his tongue fondles the lips. He has a hand lying flat against one of your legs, pressed on the couch to keep them spread apart, the other blocked by his body. His routine contrasts his old with how his tongue moves in slow and calculated laps. His mouth was very talented, given whatever style he chose to play.

You’re tethering on an orgasm and Bucky wanted nothing more than to watch you come undone for him. Bucky’s fingers and tongue work in tandem and fast to help you reach a climax.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” Bucky manages to ask in between, eyes peering up at you. You don’t actually answer because you can’t concentrate from the pleasure he’s bestowing and the impending release. “Good. I want you to cum. I want all this pussy has to give,” his voice hitting a different low, even his fucking voice was so sexy. Your hands clutch on fistfuls of the couch cushions when you feel the first wave of pleasure wash over your body, your hips stilled in place as Bucky laps up at your arousal.

“The sweetest thing ever,” Bucky mutters mostly to himself, but hearing that comment only feeds your ego, which never is a bad thing in an intimate setting. Your chest heaves up and down from the impact. Just as Bucky is about to crawl back up to parallel, you stop him with a foot at his chest. He grabs your small foot in his hand and blinks at your resistance.

“Sit back,” you command. He drops your foot and watches as your body maneuvers around to climb over his. He didn’t even realize his body had complied to your demand, absolutely hypnotized by you.

You lean in for a deep kiss, one that leaves his brain a mush, yours too almost that you have to steady yourself with one hand on the couch armrest. You reach a hand down between your bodies and grab a hold of his hard cock. Your fingers tracing along the vein before you start rubbing his head through your sensitive, wet folds. Bucky’s hands lay lightly on your hips, trying with all his might to not force you to take him all the way in. A large part of him liked this dominant side of you. There was so much about you he was dying to unearth.

“Baby, please…” he begins pleading as you barely press the tip of his cock just at your entrance before you slowly lower your body down to engulf his entire length. You sit still once you’re sure you’ve bottomed out, not noticing Bucky’s fingers digging into your hips, sure enough to leave crescent marks and tiny bruises.

Bucky’s face is buried in your neck, your cheek pressed against the top of his head, lost in the mop of dark hair. You feel his cock twitch inside of you causing your hips to ground on his. He was in so deep, you weren’t sure how long you were going to last in this position, but you’d be damned if you denied it.

You start with slow swivels before sliding back and forth on his cock. Bucky’s hands released their death grip from your hips, one travelled to the front to grope at your breasts while the other supported your body settling itself on the small of your back. Your hands set themselves on the back of the couch on either side of his head, using it as leverage to ground down harder on him.

“Mm, I missed fucking this big cock,” you lean down to whisper right in his ear, “you’re so deep, Bucky.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he spits out curse after curse at your dirty words. “You gonna cum on this big cock, hmm?” He asks. The question comes as a challenge and you weren’t ready to give up the ropes to him.

“Yeah, is this big cock gonna cum inside this tight pussy?” You counter the question, speeding up your gyrations until you start to feel the burn in your thighs and stomach begin to twist. He lets out a low, long growl, his eyes lulling shut and head falling back against the couch, ready to succumb to euphoria.

“No,” you say, suddenly ceasing all movements to pull at his hair. The sharp pain in his scalp causes his eyes to snap open and look up at you. “Keep your eyes on me,” you command much like how he did with you the first time. You watch him swallow the knot in his throat and give him a wicked smile before picking back up where you left off.

Your hands are sprawled on his sweaty chest as you bounce up and down his length. Bucky’s senses are on overdrive, the way your pussy naturally hugs his cock, walls squeezing occasionally, your breasts swaying right in front of him, your skin shining from the layer of sweat coating your body, and the look of immense pleasure written all over your face because of him.

“Baby, I’m gonna cum,” he says over and over as some form of warning, hoping you’re not far behind.

The way his face contorted in ecstasy, lips parted, sweat building up on his forehead, the tip of his cock stabbing at your sweet spot, you were about to cum too. His words become a muffled mess when you attempt to silence him with a bruising kiss just as you reach your high, pussy clenching tight around his cock milking him of everything he’s got. Each spurt of his hot cum that shoots inside you causes your hips to stutter in response. Bucky attempts to keep them at bay with a hand pressed against your back, keeping your body close to him and in the process also instilling his seed is rooted deep inside of you.

“God...damn,” Bucky says short of breath when your body lies limp against his. Your arms are wrapped around his neck, you haven’t attempted to move just yet as you both sat there with his cock still buried in. When you manage to sit up, you stare back at Bucky with tired eyes, but there’s a smile on both your faces. It only slightly falters at his next words.

“I love you,” he says earnestly. Thankfully your silence doesn’t bother him, “...you don’t have to say it back,” he adds, “I just wanted you to know. You’re so special,” he proclaims and your heart leaps at the very admission. You only nod for now but give him another reassuring smile because in time you knew you could allow yourself to love Bucky and be loved by him in return. It wasn’t a conventional meeting, but this was your life, not everyone else's.

When you finally manage to pull yourself off his cock, it slips out fluidly with a trail of his cum following in suit. You knew you’d curse yourself later on, but you’re both too tired to clean the mess right now. The pair of you settle into a lying position, facing one another, encased in each other’s arms. It’s a moment of bliss as you both just lie there, his eyes closed and a smile seemingly permanently etched on his face, only around you.  

“Hey Bucky,” you pipe up breaking the silence. He hums in response, “I want to know something...” you start out with.

“Anything,” he says, eyes still closed, his hand running up and down your arm, an indicator that he’s present and listening.

“What happened between you two?” Curiosity getting the best of you once more, you’re hoping this doesn’t ruin the moment, but you had to know. What went wrong? Besides, if this was going to work, he was going to have to be honest.

“Uh, she saw something on my phone…” he said cautiously, “...that involved you.” Your eyes widen at that. It couldn’t have been the sex tape you hoped.

“Bucky, no!” You gasp, sitting up and just hoping he doesn’t confirm it.

“Relax!” He says pulling you back down with him, “She was psycho. She went through my texts and saw some of the photos we used to send to each other. She must’ve thought they were recent.” He explains like it was no big deal.

Your heart stops racing slightly, you’re a bit relieved that she didn’t go as far as posting any of the photos on the Internet. You knew you were risking it by sexting with Bucky, but what was that saying? Hell hath no fury…and in a blind rage, she lashed out only on Bucky, but if she was a psycho, who knows what else she might’ve found on Bucky’s phone.

“Bucky?” you figure you might as well know now.

“Yeah…”

“What did you do with that sex tape?” You’d been dying to know if it was safely stored away or if maybe he even still watched it or just deleted it.

A big toothy grin spreads across his lips, his pearly whites on full display as he laughs at the question before he reaches over to the table next to the couch, where his cell phone rested on.

“Want to make a sequel?” He asks suggestively with a smirk on his lips and waving his phone at you, to which you playfully attempt to snatch from his grasp. He’s too quick, but nonetheless he replaces the phone in its original spot before focusing his attention on you alone.

“You don’t think this is all weird?” He questions almost hesitantly while tracing the outline of your jaw delicately. You’re not thinking that at all. You’d both been through a lot during the last few years that the only thing that was normal now was what you both had.

You shake your head in response, too tired for words, and drowning in the blissful moment. Bucky nods before declaring, “good because you make so happy,” then ending the night with sweet kisses. 

“Hey, it’s me. I know you’re busy at the studio today...” you start, cell phone pressed against your ear. You’re attempting to leave a voicemail to your boyfriend, who was expecting your arrival later that day, “...but I just wanted to assure you that this isn’t weird, and I can’t wait to see you...I love you, Bucky,” you finish up the message and stuff the device into your bag just in time to hear the voice of the airline staff making the pre-boarding announcements booming loudly from the speakers.  

Now boarding Group B for flight #107 to JFK Airport...final destination Brooklyn, New York.

A/N: We’ve been in quarantine for so long, I don’t remember how airport announcements are like anymore and I was only in Brooklyn last Spring…RIP to the good times.

A happy ending was weird to write in the end and I actually don’t like this particular Bucky so it could’ve gone really bad, but I said to myself, no, not this time, I can do what the title says and let them be just that - happy. I too can be happy if you give this a like, reblog or comment! Thanks for reading!  

[nadia-manko]

Day 8:

Today we were suppose to have a group activity in the morning but because of the rain it was canceled. I was slightly bummed but this meant we had a mostly open day. I stated my day off slow by waking up a bit later than usual because of my lack of sleep through the night. Jo and I then began planning out our day. Originally, we planned to go to the Picasso museum but in Paris lots of establishments, including museums are closed on either Sunday, Monday, or both! Instead, w3e figured it was the good day to go visit the Louvre again to take in a lot of the exhibits that we didn’t get to experience the first time around. These exhibits ended up being some of our favorites and the ones I’d recommend.

 We visited the Red rooms: The big rooms named after the color of their walls and the home of the very important, popular, and large paintings. Pieces like the ones seen below: Liberty Leading The People, The Oath of the Horatii, and The Raft of The Medusa. 

The French Crown Jewels: The hall where of the old crowns, tiaras, dress tops, and  jewelry lie for viewing. 

The Napoleon III Apartments: The actual rooms where royalty stayed within the room in all of its magnificanets. 

The Egyptian areas: The rooms of many artifacts like sphinxes, coffins, and pottery. 

** I will leave it to you to see** 

After this second round of beautiful works it was time to return to the hotel where Jo and I made a delicious lunch of pasta, green beans, potatoes, and a piece of cheesecake. We ate as we worked on homework. 

We were instructed to meet the group at the Fontaine Saint-Michel before attending the Île de la Citê together and entering the Palais du Justice/Sainte-Chapelle for our 8 PM concert. This chapel was built in the 13th century and is rayonnant gothic in style.

It served as the private church to the king and his closest friends/family. The funny thing about this chapel is that it isn’t a chapel anymore and modest attire isn’t required. The people of Paris tend to dress similarly of work, weddings, and concerts. As we approached the entrance, a few bustled quickly passed the crowd. Entering into the chapel I knew it would be spectacular considering everything in Paris tends to be; however, I never expected it to look as colorful and quant as it did. It’s colors glimmered with the sun hitting them and my eyes were constantly entertained.

The performers entered the stage and I realized then that the people hurrying past crowds to enter were the performers. The orchestra consisted of 3 violinists and one cello and the Opera singers were a man in a very striking suit and a woman in a red elegant floor length dress with a glistening necklace and earrings. The moment they got onto stage their voices orang out through the chapel with the most beautiful vibrato and unfathomable control of their dynamics. The combination of the swooning orchestra and the powerful voices was enough to bring me to tears not just once, but three times. Because of the fact that it was an opera, there was lots of drama involved including the voice and the body. The woman singing spoke French to start but after the first few performances she began to speak in English and brought a smile to our faces with her humor and explanations. leave it to Paris to force me to admit that I am a hopeless romantic.

Good night Paris and thank you. Don’t forget, if you ever get lost in the city of romance on a metro or in a museum, just look for the “Sortie” sign and you will find your way out. (It means Exit)  ;) 

[bnhabadass]

When I started this blog last September my goal was to get 500 followers. I saw some of the bigger blogs that I looked up to so much, and still look up to, and figured that my writing would never be as popular or as good as theirs. And even though my writing and my blog is still not on their level of popularity, I never imagined to have this big a following under my belt.

I have made so many friends because of this blog. I have met so many talented people who have inspired me to keep writing and to experiment with different elements of creative writing that I was not comfortable working with before.

I think we all know at this point that I am not the best with the follower milestone events I do, so instead of doing one of those I decided to make you all a mixtape. These are some of my favorite stories from some of the wonderful people I have met during my first year on this blog. This was also not an original idea btw. I’ve seen a couple other blogs do this and thought it was a cute idea so don’t give me full credit!

*** = NSFW

@myherowritings -- Fever Talk

Sof, the main reason why I have made so many unforgettable friends. From her wacky discord server where I’ve had way too many conversations about the different variants of urine to the hilarious social media aus I look forward to reading and rereading after stressful days at work or school, Sof has been there for me in difficult times, both in person and in writing. It is an honor to be her friend and to have the pleasure of talking to her every day.

Fever Talk is one of my favorite Bakugo x Reader pieces of hers. When Bakugo comes down with an aggressive illness, you, his manager, have to take care of him. It’s goofy and fluffy all in one, and it brings a smile to my face every time I read it.

@kazooli -- I’ll Be Gentile***

It’s no secret that I am a Dabi fucker through and through. Kaz’s stories always seem to bring out the dirtiest sides of me and this piece is no exception. When the rest of the LoV discovers you are a virgin, Dabi decides that he wants to help fix that.

@jojosmilktea -- I’m Not Your Fangirl

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Jojo has one of the prettiest and most creative looking blogs I have ever seen. I am an absolute sucker for soulmate aus and this piece is one of the most creative I’ve seen. When you find out that Bakugo is your soulmate, you try your best to convince him that you are in fact his soulmate rather than another one of his fangirls.

@candychronicles -- I’m Your Guy, Always

Candy has been one of the most supportive people I’ve met. She always knows what to say and how to cheer someone up when they’re feeling down. This is such a cute comfort piece for anyone who is feeling down after a breakup. After reading this piece all I wanted was for Kirishima to cuddle me and let me cry into his chest.

@hisoknen -- Chef Boyardon’t***

Raph is one of the coolest people I have met! She is so sweet and I can always rely on her to tag me in picrew challenges. This piece of writing is Hawks in a nutshell. When he takes you out on your first date ever, everything goes perfect until things start to get a little steamy between the two of you.

@ambershaydeoffical -- Lockets, Dolls, and Long Time Pining

Amber was one of the first people I met in the BNHA Sanctuary server. She is one of the sweetest and most supportive people I know. Momo is one of my favorite characters and I never see fluffy fics about her. This piece is very comforting and fills all of my Yaoyorozu needs.

@cutesuki--bakugou -- Anything***

While I don’t know Sarah as well as I would like to, Anything is probably my all time favorite Bakugo piece. I lost track of how many times I’ve read it. I am a sucker for punk rock and piercings, and this piece fulfills some of my wildest sex fantasies. When you sneak into Bakugo’s dressing room backstage after a concert, how will he punish you?

@burnedbyshoto -- Glistened in the Light

Lyssa has been following and supporting me since I was at 50 followers. She’s one of the OG badasses. Glistened in the Light is one of my favorite fluffy Aizawa stories. If my profile pic doesn’t give this away immediately, Aizawa is such a big comfort character for me, and whenever I’m having a bad day I know I can always come back to this piece and feel Aizawa holding me in his arms.

@lady-bakuhoe -- Caught***

Even though Jo is no longer writing, her stories still bring me so much joy. Not only does this piece include three of my favorite characters, but it’s so well written that I could practically feel everything that was going on in the story. Have you ever wanted to know what happens when Shinsou finds two of his classmates stealing his girlfriend’s panties? Well then this piece is definitely for you.

@queensynderella -- Class is in Session***

Allie is one of the coolest people I have ever met. She writes Shinsou like no other and this piece is no exception. What does Aizawa do when he finds you and Shinsou fooling around between classes? I have read this piece so many times and it never fails to get me going.

There are so many incredible writers on this platform and there are so so many people who have supported me throughout my Tumblr writing career. If I went on with everyone’s stories this post would get way too long, so instead here are all the other people I have met through Tumblr and Discord whose blogs you should definitely check out and also other people who’s blogs I just love!

@bnha-violetnote @mhathotfic @ttamaki @lemonlordleah-shinzawa-kitten @kingtamakimurder @kingexpl0sionmurder @gallickingun @cellotonin @antigenius @tamasoft @justabstractthings​ @lesbian-peanut-writer​ @simpingh0e​ @bratwritings​ @pixxiesdust​ @tomurasprincess​ @sea-reader​ / @sea-writer​ @bokutokotaruwu​ @shoutodoki​ @therainroguefanfiction​ @lizardthewriter​ @smol-enby​ @bluewritesmha​ @out-of-my-way-extras​ @olliethegod​ @smol-tired-kat​ @lolicontraband​

[somejack]

Twister (1996) is the greatest ensemble action movie of all time

 I know that is a very strong point to try and make in the age of superhero team-ups, but I’m right and I should say so. Before I rant, it is worth noting that the movie does suffer from a real diversity problem, but that is a topic complicated enough to deserve a second post.

Now, how in Bill Paxton’s good name do I intend to defend this point? Simply put, there are three scenes in this movie that give it more earnest heart and charm than any other ensemble movie in the last few years.

(I’m gonna cut it here so that I don’t clog up your dashboard)

1. Lunch with Aunt Meg. This is everything the farmhouse scene in Avengers: Age of Ultron could have been. This is ten people showing up unannounced at the Team Mom’s house and her welcoming them in because they are all her kids and they need to eat. This is the high school band raiding a Waffle House after a concert or the monthly dart night with the office. There is constant crosstalk at the dinner table, Aunt Meg herself vanishes into the team like something between an honorary member and a de facto leader. In these 7 minutes we get character development for each of the two main leads, we get humor, and we get the setup for one of the most tense action scenes of the entire movie when Meg’s house comes down around her later, and the entire goddamn team does not hesitate to run in after her.

2. F4 at the Drive-In. This scene happens right after the bombshell break between acts 2 and 3. Bill is still in love with Jo, everybody knows, and the narrative weight of that punch is carried in the general silence from the whole cast. There are probably four lines spoken in the setup before the tornado arrives, and three of them are between Jo and a waitress. The cast is scattered and everyone perfectly nails the physical cues of tension and anxiety. Then the tornado hits.

In a lesser movie (I’m looking at you, every Fast and Furious movie ever made), this would be a breaking point where the team is finally pushed to the limit and breaks apart, different groups going different ways only to collide again gloriously in the finale. But no, not here. The team sees imminent danger, a danger they are trained to handle, and they snap back into action like only the best of the best. They go from dazed and disoriented to high-functioning team under pressure like only a well-oiled and loving group can.

3. Where’s Jo? That’s right, the first scene of the entire team together is the real winner here. There is no tension here, there are no stakes. This is the team in it’s natural state: working together. We see the map brothers bantering like my college roommate and I over laundry detergent. We see people fixing equipment and relaxing in the sun, giving advice and shouting comments casually back and forth. The repeated “Bill’s back!” motif doesn’t feel artificial, it feels like welcoming back a friend you haven’t seen in ages. All of this culminates in the big break, with none other than Patty Haynes giving the movie’s only meteorologically accurate line (”we’ve got supercells forming up the dryline!”) before the team snaps into action, and we’re off.

[themangledsans0508]

I'm Just Your Problem

Summary: Ripley always gets nervous when couples fight.

So it's even worse when two of her best friends fight.

Read on Ao3

It was incredibly uncomfortable to be caught watching a couple fight. It was even worse when the couple was two of Ripley’s best friends and cabinmates.

Maybe adventuring to a different part of the forest they had never been to before without a map or a clear sense of direction was not the best idea. Another not great idea was not bringing a map or backpack beside Jo’s permanent satchel with mostly held spare parts and a pocketknife. What they did have, however, was Mal’s guitar, Ripley’s harmonica, and April’s plug-in microphone. Molly hadn’t brought anything, neither had Jo. Because the Merfolk decided to have a concert upstream, so the Yeti’s could come and they could reach a broader audience.

Which led them to take a wrong turn, getting lost in the woods, and being stuck after dark and in a difficult situation. They decided instead of wandering aimlessly they would camp for the night and head back in the morning when it was safe. So they all sat around a campfire, being cheery and light as they always were.

Except for Mal and Molly.

Molly made some comment about how they were lost because of a silly concert, and Mal snapped back that it wasn’t silly. Molly returned with they opted to carry instruments instead of backpacks as they normally would have. Mal pointed out she could’ve worn a backpack, and it went downhill from there.

The three sat in silence as they watched them argue, both of them standing up and a few feet away from the fire and each other.

“Just leave me alone please, I don’t want to talk to you,” Molly eventually growled. Ripley watched as Mal slipped her guitar off her shoulders and angrily strummed a chord.

“Sorry, I don’t treat you like a goddess, is that what you want me to do? Sorry, I don’t treat you like you’re perfect like all the other campers do. Sorry, I’m not made of sugar, am I not sweet enough for you? Is that why you always avoid me? I must be such an inconvenience to you.”

Mal was standing on a tree stump, and Ripley was both awestruck and scared. She hated it when couples fought because she was always afraid they’d break up. She clung to Jo’s waist slightly, her fists clenching the fabric of her jacket. Jo and April just shared an uncomfortable look.

Mal wasn’t facing Molly anymore, just looking into the woods.

“Well, I’m just your problem. I’m just your problem. It’s like I’m not even a person, am I? I’m just your problem.” She stepped down from the stump but continued facing away from Molly. “Well I shouldn’t have to justify what I do, I shouldn’t have to prove anything to you. I’m sorry that I exist I forgot what landed me on your blacklist, but I shouldn’t have to be the one that makes up with you. So, why do I want to? Why do I want to…” she turned around and faltered, directing Ripley’s gaze away from her and to Molly, who was softly crying. Ripley came out and ran over to Molly’s waist and hugged her.

“It’s okay Molly, don’t cry!” she begged. Molly shook her head and put a hand on her head.

“No. I’m sorry Mal,” she choked. “I didn’t know you felt that way. I don’t want you to feel that way. I should’ve paid more attention.” Ripley nuzzled her gently. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re always on my bad side. I’m just- just frustrated. I’m sorry.” Mal put her guitar down and cautiously stepped toward her.

“No, Molly. I- it’s from a-” she sighed. “Mol, I was just frustrated too. I just rely on music really to express what I’m feeling. And I just felt like I wasn’t doing anything right today. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She placed a hand softly on her shoulder and used the other to wipe away some tears from Molly’s eyes.

“You guys aren’t going to break up, right?” Ripley asked quietly. Mal and Molly looked at each other and laughed.

“Of course not, Rip. Sometimes, people fight, and that’s okay. If they fight too often, it’s an issue. But we’re both stressed out and sometimes when we’re stressed we say and do things we don’t mean because we want other people to feel like we do,” Molly explained gently.

“And our relationship is way too strong to break because of something as small as this when we have dealt with literal Greek Gods,” Mal added.

“Yay! You guys are my second-favourite couple. After my parents.” Ripley hugged them both and they awkwardly smiled. Jo cleared her throat.

“Can we go to sleep now? The earlier we go to bed the earlier we get back.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Ripley was still relieved when she saw Mal and Molly cuddling like they always do as everyone drifted off.

[najoah]

First Chance [Chapter 2]

Despite being armed with my trustee Gentle Monster sunglasses, the sun was still beaming a little too strong for my liking. I checked the temperature as soon as I started the car engine.

Climate change deniers better believe that climate change is real. It's freaking 32 degrees in April! I blasted the air-conditioning before pulling out my phone from my jacket. I never got the chance to check my phone last night, despite its constant buzzing in my pocket. By the time I arrived at Tiffany and Co.'s showroom, I was way past the midnight deadline but Rosaline, the brand's public relations representative, was the apologetic one. Turned out the accessories used were to be shipped back to New York the next morning and she had forgotten to indulge me in that detail.

Rosaline insisted to treat me for a cup of coffee near the showroom as apology and in attempt to maintain relationship with the brand, I accepted. Maintaining a cordial relationship with brand representatives like Rosaline is crucial. Soft touches, like accepting a cup of coffee or sending them flowers on their birthday, can eventually lead to an exclusive contract with between Jay and the brand. Turns out, Rosaline and I shared a lot in common – and even share a few mutual friends. We spent the night talking about everything: from the latest Tiffany and Co. collection to industry gossip of who is dating who. By the time we said our goodbyes, it was two in the morning.

I scrolled through my iPhone's notification center to find a new message from Nia:

I'm heading to the dry cleaners this morning. I've packed the remaining clothes from last night that need to be returned today. They're all in the studio, ready for you! You just have to go to Hongdae and Hannam for the returns and can make your way to the photoshoot right after. I've also prepared the outfit for today's shoot! Make sure to bring it with you :)

I replied with a thank you and a promise of her favorite sandwich for tomorrow's lunch. I returned to my notification center to find three missed calls from Jay, two from Honey and five unread messages from Jay.

I sighed.

Honey tends to become especially clingy when she's intoxicated. I left her a message, encouraging her to hydrate and to have some hangover stew before the shoot later. I quickly placed an order on my food delivery application to her place.

Now, Jay. I had completely forgotten to inform him that I was leaving last night. Knowing Jay's petty antics, I will definitely be paying for it today.

I opened his messages.

Where the hell did you go? Seriously, my first concert and you didn't even congratulate me before you left.

Nia told me you're not coming for drinks either. Are you fucking kidding me? Answer your phone.

Please answer your phone.

I'm gonna whoop you ass tomorrow if you don't pick up the phone. Pick up!

That's it, you're dead to me.

I laughed out loud at his last message. I could see him pouting, relentlessly annoying Honey and Nia about my lack of response before swearing profanities at my name. I quickly typed a reply:

Sorry, I had to return the jewelries to Tiffany last night and was so out of it, I didn't even notice your calls. Then the PR wanted to treat me for some coffee, and I couldn't say no. Really sorry.

Congratulations, Jay. I'm proud of you. The show was amazing. And again, as always, you never failed to impress me.

Let me make it up to you. Ice Americano? From Tailor's Coffee. I'm going to Hongdae anyway so I can stop by the café and get your favorite.

Hopefully, the coffee can pacify his foul mood a little. Otherwise, it's going to be a long day.

The weather was little more bearable when I arrived at Tailor's Coffee parking lot a few hours later. Returns went off without a hitch and I was somewhat glad that I managed to avoid meeting other brand representatives. I could only keep up the empty conversations for so long. It's another thing that I learned a few years on the job: to maintain relationships, one must participate in draining conversations and sometimes, at the expense of your mental health.

Nia had just called to inform that she had shared the look book for Jay's next show in Bangkok to the Higher Music's creative team. Since the concert will be abroad, we must come up with a new look book for Jay that suits the weather, using only pieces that we own. Brands are unwilling to loan out clothes for an extended period, and the collection I have in the studio is far too small to create enough looks. If Higher Music could somehow squeeze us in their event expenses budget, we could go ahead and purchase the clothing items that we need for his show – without worrying about returning and damaging them.

"Don't worry," Nia assured over the call, "I'll handle them from here, so you just focus on the shoot!"

I had grown to appreciate Nia's enthusiasm, and although I was a little skeptical of hiring a friend, she had managed to prove me wrong. A professional and always on top of her game, Nia had given me the chance to take my mind off clothes from time to time.

I checked my watch as I made my way to Tailor's Coffee. With an hour to spare before Jay's call time, I decided that I could sit back and enjoy the coffee at my favorite café – something I haven't done in a while. I love working for Jay, but the job also meant shifting your world to revolve around him. It's been seven years of watching him sing and dance his way to the top, and seven years of doing everything I can for him to get there.

Now that same boy stood tall – even taller than me, surprisingly – at his first solo concert.

Brimming with unconveyed pride, I stepped into Tailor's Coffee and was immediately greeted by the staff. The café was relatively empty – except for a few students who frequents this café due to its close vicinity to Hongik University. I used to do the same when I was a student myself at Yonsei University, located fifteen minutes away. Despite Seoul's competitive café industry, Tailor's Coffee continues to thrive over the years and even opened a few new branches around the city. This branch especially will have a special place in my heart as its walls have watched me struggled through my years in Yonsei and my first few years as a stylist at JYPE.

"Can I have two Ice Americano please? One to go, and the other to have here."

"Sure, we will have that ready for you in a minute." The part-timer passed the buzzer as well as the receipt before running off to make my order.

I made my way to a seat by the window. The table was embedded with names of couples who sat there before me, immortalizing their love. I ran my fingers across the table, wishing those relationships lasted as long as it did on this table. My eyes scanned the names, hoping to find the ones I carved myself.

Baek Hyunkyu <3 Jo Ahna

There it is. Faded, but stood the test of times – unlike the relationship itself.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I welcomed the distraction. Spiralling into the past is not something I should be doing in public, especially where Kyu is concerned. It was a message from Jay.

If there's no Ice Americano when you walk in later, I will tickle you to death. Don't try me.

The buzzer on the table buzzed, indicating that my drink is finally ready. I walked over to the counter, picked up the drinks and went back to my seat. I pulled up my phone to capture the evidence for Jay. Before I could do so however, a voice I've spent years trying to forget call out to me.

"Ahna."  

[thefallennightmare]

Hesitate

Pairings: Joe Jonas x Reader

Warnings: major angst, fluff, some swears here and there.

Words: a lot. 8,252.

Summary: Being the Jonas Brothers photographer had many, many perks. But the lows? The lows were way worse; like watching the man you’re in love with being in love with someone else.

A/N: My love for the Jo Bros have resurfaced with such force after seeing them in Milwaukee that this idea for a Joe fic came to mind and I had to write it. Please let me know what you think. I’ve very torn on this fic. 

The happy chatter and laughter bounced around the small space of the jet and I sulked farther into my seat, the volume of my laptop increasing. There were only ten people on the jet, me included, but it sounded and felt like there were at least fifty. My eyes landed on the team of people I worked for and had to tear my gaze away before he noticed. I forced myself to continue to edit the same picture I had up on my screen for the last hour. Rubbing my palms into my eyes, I let out a groan that was silent to me but was not to others 

“Kevin, stop! That tickles!” 

I slammed my laptop shut with a little too much force and stood with the hope that I could find a quiet, secluded part of the jet to continue my work. It was nearing two a.m and we had another long day tomorrow that consisted off photo shoots, interviews, and another sold out show. I also had to find time to sleep during all of that. 

“Hey, everything alright?” 

Turing to the soft voice, I felt my heart hammer in my chest while my stomach flipped three times over. The perfect smile that stood out from the rest caught my eyes immediately as I found myself staring a little too fondly at the man in front of me. 

Joe Jonas. 

“Y-yeah. I’m just really tired and I want to get the pictures from tonight posted before sunrise. I just started working with you guys, don’t need to give you a reason to fire me,” I cringed at the way I stumbled over my words. 

Joe gave me a small wave, “We’ve seen your work, Y/N. When we decided to go back on tour and needed a photographer, we had to hire you.” 

“Thank you,” I gave him a small smile. 

“You should get some sleep,” he mentioned after taking a drink of his beer. 

“I could say the same thing about you guys,” I nodded towards his brothers and the other members of the team. 

“We can quiet down if the noise is too loud?” Joe suggested. 

I gave him a stern shake of my head. “Do not stop having fun because of me. I can always find another way to the next city.” 

It was Joe’s turn to shake his head. “Fuck that. You’re part of the team so you ride with us, like everyone else.” 

My heart warmed at his comment of part of the team.

“Well even if I wanted to go to sleep, I couldn’t. Flying really freaks me out.” I admitted. 

Joe set his empty beer bottle on the table to the right of him. He pushed a few loose strands of hair from his face and I had to force myself not to do it for him. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” 

“Honestly? I didn’t think we were at the part of this relationship to let each other know our deep, dark secrets,” I shrugged with a small laugh. 

Joe’s lips twitched at the mention of relationship but couldn’t respond as a blonde came up from behind him, placing a soft kiss to his cheek. My heart fell into my stomach with the way Joe looked at her, wishing it was me. 

“Babe, we’re all ready for another round of drinks,” She smiled at Joe before sending the smile my way. “Get any good shots, Y/N?” 

“Yeah. You’re going to love the ones of Joe, Sophie.” I gave a forced smile in return to Joe’s fiance.

“Can’t wait. C’mon babe,” Sophie tugged on Joe’s hand, ending the first solid conversation we shared in the few weeks I had been on tour with them. 

A soft tune left my lips as I wandered the back halls of the arena, eyes glued to my camera as I went through all of the pictures I got tonight and deleting the bad ones; however, when it came to the brothers, there weren’t any bad pictures. 

We were in a new city, Boston, and we were nearing the end of the first month of tour. We thankfully had a small break after tonight for a week and I was so giddy to return home, to sleep in my own bed. 

My feet came to a halt a few feet in front of the two figures, locked together in a kiss. Swallowing the jealousy, I wanted to turn my back on them but the longer I stared at the two in love, I realized that he would never be like that with me; he was married now. 

Joe and Sophie had decided to get married after the show in Vegas a few days ago. Thankfully I hadn’t been there but found out about it from Instagram. I was completely wrecked. I knew that there wasn’t a chance in hell that Joe would want to be with me, he barely knew me. To him, I was just the photographer for the Jonas Brothers. 

“Y/N, wait up!” 

Biting my lip, I turned on my heels and gave a small smile to the newlyweds. 

“What's up?” 

“The jet is leaving in a few hours.” Joe informed. 

“Uh, actually I’m taking a flight straight home,” I admitted. 

Sophie’s eyebrows rose. “You’re not coming to our party?” 

“I’ve got some family issues to take care of, I’m sorry,” I lied. 

They were throwing a Just Married party at their home in Los Angeles and I tried to think of any excuse at all to not show up and I gave them the oldest one in the book. 

“Everything okay?” 

My lips curled into a smile at the concern in Joe’s voice. 

“Yeah, just have to take care of some things. But I really should get going, I’ll see you guys next week.” 

Giving them a small wave goodbye, I ignored the want of being in Sophie’s place and walked farther and farther away from the one who held my heart. 

The wind blew softly through my curls as I walked the strip of the airport towards the giant jet waiting for me. A cold breeze brushed past my bare shoulders and I cursed when I realized I should have left my sweater unpacked. 

The week off came and went in a blink of an eye. I sat on my couch in my oldest pair of sweats watching terrible romance movies, finding myself wishing I had that life. The night before, however, was the worst. I had seen so many pictures from Joe’s and Sophie’s party that my heart had shattered and the only way I found a way to pick them up and glue them back together was with a large bottle of vodka. 

It was a great idea at the time but now? With the sun just beginning to rise, my head felt like it was two thousand pounds due to my hangover. 

“Y/N’s here!” 

“Oh god, Nick. Not so loud.” I groaned once I entered the jet. 

Nick laughed. “Someone had a good night last night?” 

“Soo great,” I joked after tossing my bag on the makeshift couch of the jet. “No wives?” 

“Nope. Just you and brothers. No one else can make it out till tomorrow,” Nick shook his head. 

“If I’d known that, I would have asked for another day off,” I muttered while rubbing my temples. 

“Who’s the guy?” 

I blinked towards Nick. “What?” 

He shrugged. “I figured you had a good night last night.” 

“Yeah, it was so great. My ass on my couch watching terrible rom-coms.” I admitted. 

“You could have came to Joe’s party,” Nick suggested. 

“No thanks,” I groaned. 

If Nick had picked up on any hint of jealousy, he didn’t say anything because a round of laughter erupted from the back of the jet. My tired eyes landed on Kevin and Joe, my heart leaping into my throat. 

“Damn, Y/N. You look like hell,” Kevin joked as he took a seat on the other end of the jet. 

“Fuck off, Kevin,” I smirked. 

“Give her a break,” Nick placed an arm around my shoulder, “She had a hot date last night.” 

“You did?” 

Joe’s voice startled me at how deep it was and that was the first time I saw the lines in his forehead deepen in what I’ve only known as one thing; jealousy. 

“Yeah, with my couch,” I joked to lighten the sudden tension. 

Joe continued to stare at me, his eyes burning into the side of my head and I shifted in my seat, my body feeling like it was just ignited in fire. Clearing my throat, I motioned towards the back of the plane. 

“I’m going to go try laying down for a bit.”  

Joe remained in his spot; in the middle of the doorway to the room. I avoided my gaze from his as I squeezed past him, our bodies softly brushing against one another. I could ignore his stare as long as I wanted. I couldn’t, however, ignore the way my body felt against his. 

Smiling at the other behind the scene members of the band, I made my way towards the stage with my camera hanging low on my neck, the brothers were set to go on in just a few minutes. 

After the questionable tension between Joe and I on the jet, I had decided to take my own flight to the last couple of cities, to avoid any other tension. Kevin and Nick questioned my actions, all three of us growing close in the last month, so I gave them the best lie I could think of; “I’ve got so much work to do that I need some time alone.” 

They never caught on, thankfully. 

Now, here I was almost a week later since I had seen any of the brothers, besides during concerts, I found myself missing them. I wouldn’t call us best friends but we were close. 

“I don’t know what else to do. You complain when I’m home too much so I try and go out but then you complain that I’m never home. No matter what I do, it doesn’t seem to make you happy.” 

My feet came to a sudden stop when I heard hushed voices coming from behind a closed door. 

“I’m sorry that I’m not a perfect wife for you!” an accented voice shrill. 

Sophie. 

“That’s not what I’m saying. Fuck, do you ever listen to me?!” 

Joe. 

I knew I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping on their private conversations but curiosity got the best of me as I leaned forward towards the door. 

“I’m trying not to let her get under my skin, I really am Joe but it’s so fucking hard being compared to her.”  

“No one is comparing you two, Sophie.” 

The softness in Joe’s voice made my heart yearn for him. He sounded so broken. 

“You are! I saw you the other day looking at her pictures! She goes or I do.”  

“Sophie, I can't-.” 

Suddenly the door was thrown against the wall, a heated blonde emerging. We locked eyes for a split second and Sophie scoffed before stomping down the hall. 

My mouth fell open as I watched her disappear around a corner then finally my eyes landed on the broken figure in the doorway. His eyes were red and bloodshot, his once styled hair now a mess due to most likely running his hands through it. 

He still looked like a fucking dream. 

“How long have you been standing there?” Joe’s bottom lip trembled as he let out a large breath. 

“The whole time.” 

I didn’t bother to lie to him.

He nodded before stuffing his hands in his pockets. “It’s just a little fight.” 

“It didn’t sound little.” I observed. “Want to talk about it?” 

Joe’s sweet lips opened to protest but he pulled them in a tight line.

“Sophie’s been under a lot of stress lately. We’ve been trying to plan an actual wedding in Paris but she thinks I’ve been to busy.” Joe defended. 

“You’re going to get married again?” My heart sunk to the bowels of my stomach. 

“Vegas really wasn’t our dream wedding. We just did it for laughs,” he shrugged. 

“Who’s the girl?” I questioned. 

Joe blinked, a bit taken aback. “What?” 

“The girl Sophie is making you choose between.” Curiosity got the best of me, I couldn’t help the words as they were leaving my mouth. 

Joe pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, boring his eyes into mine. “You.” 

“Wh-what?” I stuttered. 

Never in a million years would I have thought that they would be fighting about me. I had no clue they knew about my feelings for Joe. I hadn’t told anyone. 

“I was on your Instagram a few days ago saving some of your pictures for your birthday present. Sophie found the pictures on my phone and took it the wrong way.” Joe spilled. 

“My birthday? It’s not for another couple of months.” I reminded him. 

He nodded. “I know but the guys and I were working on putting a portfolio together for you. You’re amazing at what you do, Y/N. You need something to do after the tour ends.” 

If I didn’t hate crying in front of people, I would have broken down in happy tears at the sweet gesture the team was doing for me. 

“Did you tell Sophie that?” 

“Yeah,” Joe ran a hand over his face, “But it didn’t help that when she asked if I thought you were attractive, I didn’t lie.”

“What did you tell her?” I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat. 

“Of course you’re attractive. But I’m in love with Sophie.” Joe admitted. 

“Right.” 

The venom that slipped through my voice surprised the both of us. But I couldn’t believe how naive I was thinking that Joe would leave Sophie for me only because he thought I was attractive. 

They had a life together now, I wasn’t the one that Joe wanted. The mere thought of them having an actual wedding in Paris was the weight that the scale in my heart needed to tip towards ‘he will never love you.’

For the last three months I had been torturing myself by watching Joe and Sophie together, wanting to  be in her place. I knew it would never happen but I continued to allow myself to fall for him. 

The way that he put EVERYONE before him, no matter what it cost. The way he could make anyone laugh, me included, on their worst days. And the way he radiates light on that stage, giving everything to the thousands of fans that came out to see him, love him, and follow him through his own ups and downs. 

Blowing out a large breath, I let the heartbreak finally knock me down. On shaky legs, I motioned behind me. 

“I just remembered, I wanted to get some shots of the stage before the show.” 

“Y/N, I didn’t-.”

“Don’t, Joe. Please don’t make me feel even more pathetic than I do now,” I held up a hand, ignoring his pleas while walking away from him. 

“Chris, stop,” I giggled while trying to push away the fingers that reached for my camera. 

“C’mon, I want to see the pictures from last night.”

I smiled while shaking my head. “I don’t show anyone my pictures until they’re edited. That’s the most fun.” 

“We’ve been dating for a month and I still haven’t seen any of your pictures.” Chris pouted. 

“I wouldn’t call casually hooking up ‘dating.’” I admitted. 

Chris held a hand over his heart in mock hurt. 

“So that’s all I’m good for is sex?” 

“Pretty much,” I lightly tapped his cheek with a loud laugh escaping my lips. 

Chris was one of the light techs for The Jonas Brothers and we had only started talking over a month ago when I started taking my own flights to the next cities. 

After the conversation between Joe and I, we had decided to keep our relationship strictly professional. I would arrive right before the boys would get on and stay back after they left, which is how I met Chris. 

It wasn’t anything serious; us just using each other for sex. I was still head over heels in love with Joe but needed a distraction from the unwanted feelings.

“So did you want to meet at my room after the show?” Christ questioned, his fingers running up and down my bare arm. 

“Are you going to make it worth it?” I flirted while running my hand through his hair. 

“Don’t I always?” Chris’ breath brushed against my ears, sending shivers all over my body. 

Licking my lips, I pressed my palms into his chest, trying to give us some space. “You know I hate PDA.”

“No one is watching,” Chris breathed into my neck. 

Feeling someone’s gaze burn all over my body, I peeked over Chris’ shoulder and my eyes immediately connecting with a pair of brown ones. 

Joe watched with a clenched jaw as Chris’ hands moved lower, ghosting over my ass. His lips continued to brush the sensitive part of my neck but I couldn’t tear my gaze away from Joe. 

“Chris, stop. I’m serious,” I tried to push him off again but failed when he hit my sweet spot with his teeth. 

Joe’s eyes fell as he continued to watch Chris leave his mark on me. I felt regret fill my veins when he looked down at the ground trying to avoid my gaze. 

Nick, who was standing next to Joe, must have caught onto his brother’s feelings so he called over to me. 

“Y/N! The show's about to start. You should head to the stage.”

Chris pulled away with an annoyed groan, reluctantly allowing me to remove myself from his grasp. 

“I’ll see you after the show.”

Giving him a small kiss on the cheek, I walked over towards Nick and Joe, ignoring the later hard gaze. 

“How long has that been going on?” Nick nodded towards Chris. 

“Not long. We’re just hanging out; it’s not serious.” I informed. 

“Looked pretty serious to me,” Joe spat. 

I sliced my eyes over to him. “So what if it is? It’s none of your business.” 

“Guys, let’s not do this now. Save it for later,” Nick suggested. 

“Gladly,” I pushed passed the brothers, purposely slamming my shoulder into Joe’s. 

“Y/N, do you need anything?” 

Looking away from the screen of my laptop, I shook my head at Kevin. “No, I’m fine. Thanks for letting me catch a ride with you guys tonight. I can’t believe I forgot to buy a plane ticket.” 

He shrugged before sitting on the other seat of the jet. “You’re always welcomed.” 

“Can you believe the tour is more than half over?,” I breathed, “It’s flying by.” 

“I know. I love being on stage every night with my brothers but damn, I can’t wait to be home again,” Kevin laughed. 

“I bet your girls miss you.” I smiled. 

The grin that came to Kevin’s lips warmed my heart. “I miss them more. I’m thankful that they’ve had the chance to see me on stage, with my brothers, doing what we love.”

“I’m thankful you guys gave me the opportunity to do what I love,” I beamed. 

“Hey, thank Joe. He’s the one that found you on Instagram,” Kevin stated. 

At the mention of Joe, my heart nearly busted through my chest. We all were coming back from another week long break and there had been rumors that Joe and Sophie had been fighting constantly. The paps snapped pictures of her leaving their Australia home while Joe was photographed at their LA home during the same time. My fingers itched wanting to text him to see if he was alright but I knew it wasn’t any of my business what was going on between them. 

“It’s ridiculous. I can’t even bring her up in a conversation without Sophie freaking out.” 

Joe and Nick walked onto the plane, their private conversation came to a halt when their eyes landed on me. 

“What are you doing here?” Nick questioned with a small smile playing at his lips. 

“Kevin said I could catch a ride with you guys. I’m an idiot that forgot to buy a plane ticket.” 

“How’d you forget to buy a ticket?” Nick laughed, sitting down on the couch. 

Joe silently sat down on the opposite end of the couch I had been lounging on. I pulled my knees to my chest, allowing him more room to sit comfortably. 

“It’s been a rough week,” I defended with a laugh. 

“How are things with Chris?” Kevin asked. 

Joe’s body went stiff and I tried my best to ignore his gaze. 

“That’s over as fast as it started,” I admitted. 

“What happened?” 

Looking at Nick, I shrugged. “We both wanted a relationship, just not with each other.” 

“I’m sorry,” Kevin sympathized. 

“Don’t be. It made me realize that there is someone out there that wants to be with me, I shouldn’t have to settle for what I think I need or want.” I smiled. 

Joe cleared his throat while shifting in his spot. “Can you guys give us a minute?” 

Confused, I watched as Nick and Kevin retreated to the back of the jet, leaving Joe and I alone. 

I could hear my heart in my ears as I waited for Joe to speak; to say something, anything.The silence was deafening and I opened my mouth to say the first word but Joe interrupted me. 

“I’m sorry for distancing myself from you.” 

“I’m just as guilty as you,” I admitted. 

“I thought that if I spent time away from you, it would fix things between Sophie and I but it only made me realize something I never wanted to admit outloud.” 

Licking my lips, I swallowed. “What’s that?” 

“I missed you.” 

Joe looked into my eyes for the first time and the sparkle behind them brought goosebumps to my skin. He moved closer to me, fingers brushing against my leg, and I fought the urge to leap over to him and attach my lips to his. 

“I love Sophie,” Joe continued, “But when I saw you with Chris, there was this burning rage that I’d never experienced with anyone. Not even Sophie; my wife.” 

“That’s called jealousy.” I tried to joke but bit my lip when I noticed the serious look on Joe’s face. 

“I’ve been torn on what to do that it’s put a stress on my marriage. I haven’t seen Sophie in almost two weeks.” Joe played with the ring on his left hand. 

“You’re married, Joe. You shouldn’t let me get in between you and Sophie. I can forget how I feel about you if it means you’re happy with your wife,” I choked out, holding back the tears. 

“Can you?” Joe questioned. 

The air around us suddenly thickened, the desire burning bright in Joe’s eyes as he stared directly into my own before they fell to the top of my chest, which was peaking out of my tank top. Adjusting my position on the couch, I cleared my throat hoping that would break him from his intense gaze. 

“Y-yeah,” I nodded.

Joe raised his eyebrows, slowly inching closer to me. “Are you sure?”

My mouth ran dry when I felt his fingers trace small circles on my bare thigh, Joe wearing a smug smile as he closed the small space between us; inch by inch. My fingers itched, wanting to run them through his hair, but reality struck when I felt his breath fanning over my lips. I had realized how close Joe was and how bad it would look if Kevin or Nick walked in. 

“Joe,” I breathed while placing my hands on his chest, “We can-.” 

“Tell me you don’t want this,” Joe mused. 

Silence. 

That’s what came out of my mouth. 

I couldn’t tell Joe I didn’t want his lips on mine because that’s all I wanted. All day, every single day. I knew, however, that it would be completely wrong on both of us if that happened. 

A small whimper slipped passed my lips when I felt Joe’s fingers under my chin, forcing me to look in his eyes. He sucked in a large breath when I wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to feel his body against mine. 

“Y/N,” Joe’s breath was warm against my neck. 

“Please, Joe. I can’t wait any longer.” I dug my finger into his lower back. 

“SURPRISE!” 

Pushing away from one another, we both looked to the entrance of the plane as Sophie walked into view. By the smile on her face, we knew that she hadn’t caught us. My heart rate had tripled and was slowly getting back to normal as Joe stood, walking over to his wife. 

“What are you doing here?” 

There was an unreadable tone in his voice. 

“I thought I would surprise you. I got the next few days off so I thought we could spend time  together while you were on the road!” 

It was how happy she was I realized that she hadn’t seen me yet, Joe’s body blocking me from her line of sight. Biting my lip, I tried to avoid my gaze moving any lower than his back. 

“Yeah, of course. Uh, why don’t you set your bags in the back room. Nick and Kev may be back there,” Joe nodded behind Sophie. 

“Perfect! I’ll go say hello,” Sophie smiled. 

She peered over his shoulder, her eyes finally landing on me. I had brought my legs closer to my chest, trying to hold my emotions in. She had nearly caught Joe and I, and now she was going to be on the road with us for the next few days. 

“Y/N! How are you? It’s been awhile!” 

I could tell in the way that she smiled that she was not happy I was here. 

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, I’m only riding with them tonight. I just needed a way to the next city,” I nodded, trying to reassure her. 

“Oh, that’s too bad. Well, we should get some rest, love. You’re looking exhausted.” Sophie ran her fingers through his hair. 

“Can you give me a minute? Y/N just needs me to look over some pictures before she posts them.” 

I marveled at how easy Joe had just lied to his wife. 

Sophie opened her mouth to protest, so I cleared my throat. “It’s fine. You guys should spend time together.” 

My lip quivered as I let out a shaky breath, one that didn’t go unnoticed by Joe. 

“No it’s fine. I’ll be waiting, love,” Sophie smiled. 

My heart shattered as I watched her pull Joe into a very heated kiss. Her hands pulled at the ends of his hair, deepening it. Joe’s hands wrapped around her lower back to pull her body more close to his, obviously needing to feel any type of friction. 

Their kiss went on for a few more moments before Joe pulled away, his eyes watching her closely as she disappeared towards the back of the jet. 

“Y/N, I had no clue she was going to show up,” he defended. 

Shaking my head, I kept my gaze trained to the ground. 

“She’s your wife. You need to be with her; not me.” I muttered, mostly to myself. 

“I know I should but I can’t help it that I want to be with you too.” 

Finally allowing myself to look into his eyes, they looked broken just like my own, I gave him a small shrug. 

“It’s not going to work between us, Joe. You’re married! I won’t allow myself to get in between you two again. As long as you’re with her, there will never be an us. If it’s harsh, I’m sorry but I won’t let myself get my hopes up for us when clearly it will always be Sophie,” I insisted. 

“So I’m just supposed to pretend that never happened?!” Joe pointed to where I was sitting. 

“You know for a fucking fact that wasn’t supposed to happen!,” I snapped, “I let myself get lost in lust. It won’t happen again.” 

Joe’s eyes sliced into mine, a scoff leaving his lips. “Fine, if that’s what you want.” 

“It’s not what I want!” I yelled standing to my feet. “I don’t want to be this pathetic little girl that sits around and waits for a man but I’d be lying if I said I won’t wait for you; you’re perfect Joe. I can’t help but fall more and more in love with you every night I watch you on stage, performing your heart out. The heart I wish had my own!” 

Rage boiled in my blood as I continued to stand there, staring at Joe. He knew how I felt about him, hell everyone knew at this point. I only thought that if I kept it bottled in that the feelings would slowly dissipate by seeing how happy he was with Sophie. But what I didn't expect was Joe feeling the same. Yes, he hadn't came out and said the exact words I love you, Y/N but his actions proved otherwise. 

Or maybe he was horny. 

Shaking the thought from my head, I continued to stand my ground against Joe. 

“As long as you're with Sophie, there will never be an us,” I repeated. 

Joe, who clearly looked like he had given up, nodded before giving me a broken smile, walking in the back of the jet. 

My body shook with sobs as I collapsed on the couch, the reality of what I had said finally setting in. I told Joe we were done and meant every word so why was I wanting to chase after him and say I was lying; that I would be fine waiting for him. 

How had I become so low of a person? Getting in the way of a marriage? Allowing myself to fall in love with someone who never was available to begin with? 

“Everything alright?” Nick asked as him and Kevin appeared, almost out of nowhere. 

Hasty wiping away my tears, I nodded while avoiding their gaze. 

“Yeah,” I choked out. 

We all sat in silence, Kevin and Nick clearly understanding everything was not alright but deciding not to press. They played quiet chords on their guitars while I clicked over and over on my computer as I edited pictures I had taken during my break. But no matter how much noise we had made, it did nothing to drown out the moans coming from the room in the back. 

Three. 

There were only three more shows left on tour. 

Everyone was relishing in the bittersweet memories. We all were happy to go back home to our regular day to day lives but we all were going to miss everything about this tour. 

After the show last night, I was more than ready to get away from Joe. We still hadn’t said a word about what happened on the jet and the sexual tension was thick. During last night's show, they played Trust and I couldn’t stop the burning gaze coming from Joe no matter how hard I ignored it. 

My heels clicked along the long abandoned hallway of the arena as I looked around for the brothers. I wanted to get some solo shots of them on the final days of the tour. A smile played at my lips as I found them leaning against a wall, deep in their own personal conversation. They hadn’t seen me yet so I snapped a few pictures of them. I was about to leave them but Kevin’s question stopped me in my tracks. 

“When are you going to tell her?” 

I leaned closer against the wall and strained my ears to hear better. 

“I think I should do it before the tour ends,” Joe shrugged. 

“Are you sure that this is what you want? Nick questioned. 

Joe nodded without an ounce of hesitation. “She’s the one I’ve always wanted. I hate that it took a broken relationship to realize that but in the end I have to stop thinking about how others will feel; I need to put my feelings first.” 

Kevin wrapped his hand around Joe’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Just know that we support your decision. Your heart will hurt for losing someone you’ve cared about for awhile now but she’s going to help you heal.” 

“I’ve always loved her. It’s always going to be her.”

“How do you think Sophie will take it?” 

Joe looked at Nick. “She’ll be thankful. Eventually we’ll be able to move past everything and be happy.” 

White clouded my vision, body going limp against the wall, as I replayed the entire conversation in my head again. 

He chose Sophie. He was always going to choose her. I was a fucking idiot to think that it would ever be me. It was pathetic, really. To think that we could ever have a perfect, suburban life together with three kids, a dog or two, and a damn white picket fence. 

My bottom lip trembled as I sucked it between my teeth, a broken sob escaping; a little too loudly. 

“Y/N?” 

Teary eyes locked with Joe’s, who was just as surprised as his brothers were that I had been standing there. The look Joe was giving me was the type of look that made you want to break down and cry. Not a normal cry; no, it was those types of cries that made you want to fall to your knees in pain, tears falling fast from your eyes. 

“How-how long have you been standing there?” Joe stuttered. 

“I’ve got to go,” I drank in the saltiness of my tears, slowly backing away. 

“Wait, Y/N. Please.” Joe begged, reaching for my hand. 

Snatching away from his fingers, I shook my head. “I didn’t hear anything. I was never here.” 

His pleas fell on deaf ears as I stumbled over my feet to get away from them. The pain was unbearable, shaking me to the bones, and I would have given anything in my life to never see Joe Jonas ever again. 

“Man, I can’t believe that this is our LAST show tonight. We cannot thank each and every one of you guys enough. You have been with us from the start, through our ups and downs, and we can never repay you for the love and support you have given us.” 

My eyes watched with a smile as Kevin talked to the crowd, quietly tuning his guitar. It was the very last show of the tour tonight and the brothers had given it their absolute all. They had only a few songs left, Burning Up and Sucker, but there were rumors that Joe has something else planned. 

Oh, Joe. 

I hadn’t seen any of the brothers the last couple of days, opting to stay farther back when taking pictures. I was too embarrassed to face them and see them after they caught me listening to their conversation. I traveled alone, driving from city to city, so I was beyond exhausted. With the last show, however, I didn’t want to miss a thing. So here I was, standing at the bottom of the stage, the brothers a few feet in front of me, snapping away with my camera. All feelings aside, I was determined to get the best pictures tonight. 

“You know,” Joe spoke up next, his voice causing my body to tingle all over, “One of our team members also has a birthday tonight.” 

My palms began to sweat, knowing what Joe was about to say next. 

“Have you guys seen our pictures from every show on our Instagram?” Nick yelled into the microphone. 

The crowd screamed and cheered, the profoundness beaming through my smile. 

“All of those pictures were taken by our very good friend, Y/N L/N,” Kevin pointed down towards me. “C’mon Y/N, give a small wave!” 

“I hate you!” I screamed, smile clear on my face. 

“It’s her birthday tonight and she has spent every single night watching us perform and capturing those moments that we all cherish the rest of our lives. So, please join us in signing a very happy birthday!” Nick boomed! 

Red flushed my cheeks as the boys and the crowd all sang happy birthday and I tried to shrink in size. I absolutely hated being in the spotlight but the rather large gesture from my best friends brought a warm smile to my face. 

As the song faded out, the brothers lead right into their last two songs. I snapped away with my camera, getting lost in the moment that I hadn’t realized that Joe was kneeling at the edge of the stage just a few inches in front of me. 

“I’m a sucker for you,” Joe’s voice sang through the arena. 

Our eyes locked and he placed his hand in front of me, palm facing the ceiling. Confusion filled my eyes as I looked from his hand to his face. 

“Your camera,” he mouthed. 

Licking my lips, I hesitated for a split second before I placed my camera in his hands. 

Setting his microphone to the side, the camera lens now faced me and I could see Joe’s small smile on the other end of it. 

“Smile,” he cheered. 

“What are you doing?”

No matter how upset or sad I was about the situation between us, I still found myself smiling at the way his eyes danced under the stage lights as they raked over my face, taking in my appearance. 

I was mesmerized by the way Joe was drinking me in that I hadn’t realized he already snapped a few pictures of me and was handing my camera back, completely unaware he had slipped the small memory card into his pocket. 

“Y/N, we need you for this picture!” 

Zipping up my camera bag, I looked to my left smiling at Kevin. 

“Let me just get my camera!” I called back. 

“No, we need you in the picture!” Nick chimed in. 

I looked at the whole family of the Jonas’ feeling out of place. It was just a mere few minutes after the show had ended, all of us on a high and we were dragging our feet because we didn’t want the night to end. 

I hesitated only because I was afraid of being too close to Joe. 

“I don’t want to impose,” I spoke. 

“Get your ass over here,” Kevin demanded while grabbing my hand, pulling me towards the group.

While the family finished their pictures, Nick waved me over as I stood next to him while everyone in the band/crew piled in for a group pictures. 

“How about one of us three and Y/?” Kevin suggested. 

Him and nick stood next to each other while Joe looked into my eyes, nodding to the space next to him. 

Gnawing on my lip, I slid next to him and gently laid my hand on his back. As we waited for the boys mom to fix her camera, Joe’s fingers wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer into him. 

Tingles spread through my body when I felt the heat radiate off his body onto mine. I couldn’t ignore how good it felt being wrapped into his arms, a sense of safety engulfing me. 

“Say cheese!” Momma Jonas smiled while taking a few pictures of us four. 

After suggesting that I get a picture with each of the boys, I smiled brightly during my pictures when Kevin and Nick. 

“My turn,” Joe mused. 

With my bottom lip in between my teeth, I walked back into Joe’s arm, his left slinking around my waist once more. His fingers had slipped underneath my shirt and even that slight touch of skin on skin was enough to have visions of us in bed together playing in my mind. 

“Oh shoot, my phone died.” 

Joe fished his phone out of his pocket, handing it to his mom. 

“Use mine.” 

As we waited for his mom to take the picture, Joe looked down at me and I was sure that my heart soared into my throat at the look he was giving me. Leaning closer to my ear, I felt his breath against against my neck. 

“Come by my room tonight?” 

“Are you sure?” I stammered. 

He nodded, moving a strand of hair behind my ear. “Yeah. I have to give you your birthday present.” 

Joe’s voice was hoarse with lust and the pressure I felt from down below was enough to make a small moan leave my lips. 

My knuckles tapped against the wooden door in front of me and I waited in the silent hallway for the door to open. 

I had arrived to Joe’s hotel room way later than I had originally told him so I was afraid that he had fallen asleep. 

The door is unlocked. 

After reading the new text message from Joe, I quietly entered his room, my voice coming out hushed. 

“Joe?”

A small gasp erupted from my throat when I took in the scene in front of me; lit candles were littered around the room, a bottle of wine in a bucket of ice with a small chocolate cake on the counter in the makeshift kitchen, and a black box with a large white bow sat safely on the bed. There was a soft tune playing in throughout the room that I smiled fondly at. 

Love Her by The Jonas Brothers

My name was scribbled on a small envelope that I immediately recognized as Joe’s handwriting. 

Y/N

I know I’ve been a real shitty friend to you these past few months but I had been dealing with a lot of personal things in my life that made me push you away. You didn’t deserve that and I’m so sorry. 

But that rough path I had been on led me to you. I will never forgive myself for breaking your heart but if you trust me, I will never break it again. 

You saved me, Y/N. Now it’s my turn to save you. 

Happy Birthday. 

xx

Joe

Wiping away the tears, I paced the card on the bed and gently began pulling away the bow on the box. 

Inside was a thick, black book and a large yellow envelope that read ‘read last.’ 

I set the envelope next to the card and started flipping through the book, choking out a small laugh. 

Inside the folder were pages upon pages of all of my favorite pictures I had taken; before the Jonas Brothers and during. I laughed at all of the goofy memories I captured of the brothers but when I reached the last couple pages to the book, my heart doubled in size. They were pictures of me, ones that I had never seen. 

Joe trying to teach me to play the guitar, which failed miserably, but we both had the time of our lives. 

My head against Joe’s shoulder, fast asleep, while we were traveling to the next city on the jet. His eyes were glued to his phone but the look on his face, the way his lips pulled up into a smile said everything words couldn’t. 

Me setting up my camera equipment before one of the shows, the light emanating from the stage casting an aura of light around me, almost as if I was an angel sent from above. 

And the last couple pages were pictures from tonight; Joe stealing my camera, all of the group ones after the show, and the last picture is what broke down the last hesitant wall I had up. It was of Joe and I, his mouth brushing against my forehead while his hand was wrapped protectively around me. If the picture could talk it would say that it almost looked as if Joe was afraid that I would disappear in front of him. 

A door clicked behind me and through teary eyes, I watched as Joe emerged from the bathroom, wearing nothing but black sweat pants that hung dangerously low on his hips. Suddenly, the tears had vanished and I groaned to myself as I took in each and every line of his abs. 

“Happy Birthday.” 

Snapping out of my naughty thoughts, I grinned over to Joe. “Thank you. I don’t deserve any of this.” 

He shook his head while sitting on the other edge of the bed, giving us a reasonable amount of space. 

“You deserve all of this and more,” Joe admitted. 

Nodding, I placed the folder against my chest, holding it close. “I will cherish this for the rest of my life. Joe, I cannot thank you enough for this.” 

“I told you; anything for you.” Joe’s hand rested on my thigh, giving it a slight squeeze. 

Smiling at the feeling, it was then that I noticed the faint tan line on his finger. 

“Your ring?,” I gawked at him. 

I was lost in the romantic gesture of all of this that I had forgotten the most important part of all of this; Sophie. 

A tiny smile pulled at Joe’s lips and he simply nodded to the yellow envelope. 

Following his silent request, my shaky fingers pulled out a stack of papers. Dread filled me, the last thing I wanted was to read a giant packet of whatever this was, but it was the two bold words at the top that caught my attention.

“Divorce papers?” I muttered. “Who’s getting a divorce?” 

Joe laughed and told me to go to the last page. 

My eyes scanned the two signatures over and over again, burning it into the back of my brain. 

“You and Sophie?” I asked. 

“It’s been finalized for a few weeks now. We’ve been separated for months before this,” Joe admitted. 

“Wait, so what happened between us on the jet?” I pondered, mostly to myself. 

Joe answered my question with a simple nod. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I think at the time, I still wanted to make it work between us but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were always on my mind, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It wasn’t fair to Sophie, or you, that my heart wasn’t completely with either of you,” Joe has scooted closer to me, our knees brushing against each other. 

“I wish my feelings were more clear in the beginning; before I got married. You’ve always been the one I wanted, I knew that, I was just afraid to let Sophie go. I was afraid of what people would think. What they would call me, or you,” Joe continued. 

“But when I saw you with Chris, I wanted to be in his place. I wanted to be the one by your side. I wanted to be the one you called when you had a bad day. I wanted to be the one you shared your bed with.” 

“Joe,” I breathed, “I’m sorry. I thought that’s what I needed at the time to get over my feelings for you. But it only made me realize that no matter who I date, they would never compare to you.” 

Joe raised his hand hesitantly before he cupped my cheek and I whimpered at the warmth. His thumb brushed my cheek and my hands gripped his arm, afraid to let go. Our eyes locked and Joe’s tongue brushed over his lower lip causing me to nearly jump into his lap. 

“I want this if you do,” he breathed against my lips. 

“More than anything,” I begged. 

“I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize it but I promise I will live the rest of my days showing you how much I love you,” Joe proclaimed. 

Not wanting to wait any longer, I finally closed the distance between us by softly pressing my lips against his. They felt full and plump against my own as I wrapped my arms around his neck, him pulling me with ease into his lap. 

I never wanted to believe those stories I read as a little girl about kissing someone you love for the first time. I always thought the fireworks and the heat were all lies but now, feeling Joe’s lips move in sync with mine, I felt every last firework deep in my bones and in between my legs. My vision went white when I felt him slip his tongue past my lips, gliding against my own. 

“I love you too, Joe.” I mumbled into his lips.

“Did you want some cake or wine?” Joe questioned in between kisses. 

“Later,” I groaned, pressing my hips into his.

The cake and wine were the last thing on our minds as Joe’s fingers snaked up my back, gliding my shirt off with ease and tossing it on the other end of his hotel room.

[purplesurveys]

918

Have a friends survey, because I’m really missing mine.

-- List 8 Friends of Either Gender --

1. Andrew 2. Jo 3. Aya 4. Gabie 5. Hannah 6. Angela 7. Laurice 8. Aliyah

Questions About These Friends

Does number 4 have a driver’s license? Yeah. I’m pretty sure we were part of the first few people in our high school batch who learned how to drive and get our licenses.

Can number 7 speak another language? Well yeah, she can speak Filipino. Everyone on the list can at least speak Filipino.

Does 2 know your parents well? Not so much. She knows the basic stuff about my parents that I tell everyone, like how my dad works abroad.

Have 3 and 5 been in the same room together? Multiple times, until Aya graduated. All three of us were in the same applicant batch in our org so we spent a loooot of time together.

Does 1 have similar music tastes to you? Broadly, yeah. I know we both like R&B and hip-hop but he’s faaaar more passionate about the genre and he’s a lot better at picking out artists and songs.

Has 6 ever stayed at your house? She’s visited a handful of times, but I prefer going to her house instead. I don’t really have a lot to offer here whereas we never run out of things to do at her place.

When did 3 last text you? If we are talking of strictly texts, November 2018. Aya was never a good replier on text lol. But my last notification of her in general was at 4 AM today, when she sent a meme to our friends’ group chat.

Does 5 have any pets? If so, what do they have? Nope. WELP I don’t know actually. She lives all the way in Bacolod so her home life doesn’t get raised much. I know she loves dogs though.

Does 7 live in the same town/city as you? Nah, she’s a south baby through and through.

Have you ever lent something important to 8? I’ve never even met her yet. We keep planning to especially since she works in Metro Manila now, but our schedules just never work out.

Can number 1 sing well? Yes. He’s done a lot of singing gigs and as far as I know he even put out an EP at one point. He has a sick stage name too.

Does 2 have any siblings? Nah, she’s an only child.

If 4 called you at 2 AM, what would your reaction be? Take it and assume she has trouble falling asleep.

Who is 8′s best friend? I’m not sure; I don’t know her all that well. I would assume it’s someone all the way in Mindanao, since that’s where she grew up and went to school and her whole life is there - she really only moved to Metro Manila for work. That’s why I feel for her sometimes and keep offering to meet up, so she can feel less lonely.

Does 6 have a favourite tv show? If so, what is it? She loooves watching TV series but I never knew what her favorite is. Good question, I’ll have to ask her this soon.

Who out of 5 and 7 knows you the best? I say they both know me on the same level but I think Laurice does slightly more. We’ve had deeper conversations, so it’s a safe guess.

Does 4 have a boyfriend/girlfriend? You are reading her answers right now. ;)

Does 2 have a career/knows what they want to be? Yes, she’s always wanted to be a journalist. She’s entering her senior year now and I’m really proud and super impressed with her for being able to keep up such a demanding, brutal passion; I was burned out from journ by freshman year. She even helps run a fact-checking website now :) It had just been a requirement in her class to come up with a fact-checking website but theirs got SO successful, racked up some awards, and now it’s still going.

Have you ever kissed 1? No. He’s like a brother to me and that just sounds like the weirdest scenario.

Does 3 have or want children? Yes. I know she wanted them when she was with Jo, but I’m not sure if she’s changed her mind lately.

Does 6 have any piercings or tattoos? Yep, on her ears.

Do your parents know 8? No. She’s an internet friend, so I never get to raise it in conversations. And I doubt they’ll be happy if they found out I made a friend on the interwebs anyway.

Which Number...

Have you had romantic feelings for? 4.

Have you told a secret to? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8. I’m pretty open with my secrets, as dumb as that sounds lol

Have you shared a bed with? 2, 3, 4, 6, 7.

Have you watched a movie with? I remember watching The Devil Wears Prada with 2 and 3. I’ve watched several movies with 4.

Have you seen cry? 2, 3, 4, 6.

Have seen you cry? 1, 4, 5. 5 hasn’t seen me cry but she has definitely heard me.

Have cooked you something? 6 and 7 :) They’re also the biggest mom friends on the list, so I’m not surprised.

Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? 1, 4, 6. I’m not sure if 2 and 3 are still together; we never get to update each other anymore. Have met your parents? 2, 3, 7 from a meeting we once held at my house. And 4 and 6, of course - they’re my mom’s favorites.

Have been to the same school/college as you? Everyone except 8.

About Number One What age are they? He turned 22 in June.

Have you met their parents? Never. He can’t give less of a shit about his dad so I don’t care for him, though. I know he’s super protective of his mom.

Have you ever been in a relationship with them? Not at all. He wouldn’t be my type, and like I said he’s a brother to me more than anything else.

Do they like most of your other friends? We mostly have mutual friends, so. I know he likes my best frieinds though - he was even the one who reminded me about putting Angela on my thesis acknowledgments.

How often do you two meet up and/or talk? Back in school we used to see each other around 1-2 days a week. He’s a little busier than I am since he takes side gigs, so he’s not in campus all the time.

When did you last argue? We’ve never fought but the last time I got quite upset with him was last December. We were rushing to get our thesis draft submitted on time and apparently he submitted the file to our professor’s VIBER. He for sure got an earful from me that day.

What is their favourite food? I’m not sure. He does tend to have unpopular food opinions so I wouldn’t be surprised if his favorite is not a common choice.

Where is their favourite place to be? On the basketball court or anywhere with Leigh, I’m guessing.

How many close friends do they have? I know of at least two - JM and Blanch. He is friendly and has an extensive circle though, so I’m sure I’m missing several other close friends of his.

Number Two What colour are their eyes? Dark brown.

Have they known you the longest? Not at all. I’ve only known her for three years.

Where were they born? I’m guessing it would either be Manila or Makati.

Why are they your number 2? She just fell on the second slot. I was trying to randomize my friends’ names and hers just turned out to be the second one I thought of.

Do they like children? I don’t know how she feels about them exactly but one thing I know is that she doesn’t hate kids, and we’ve had numerous conversations on what we’d do in certain scenarios involving kids. 

Would they beat you in a race? I think so. But then again I did track at one point, so I’m walking onto that contest already with an advantage.

When did you last spend time alone together? Ugh c’mon man, this question is just sad. Jo had been hanging out at Skywalk less and less ever since most of the people in our friend group graduated last school year, so our last real hangout was probably that time we slept over at Laurice’s in June 2019. We never hung out a lot after that, and of course the lockdown just killed any chances we had of doing so.

Do they have a pet peeve? What is it? She has a lot of pet peeves but I can’t place any of them at the moment.

Number Three What is their hair colour? Black, as do most Filipinos.

What is their job, if they have one? Last I heard she got a gig with a major broadcasting network. I think she’s a segment producer? Segment researcher? Something of the sort.

Do they have their own place? I don’t think so; not just yet.

How many brothers or sisters do they have? I know she has a sister. I’ve forgotten if she has a brother.

Have you ever done something illegal with them? Yes hahaha illegal in university terms, at least. When we had free time and we saw that no one was using one of the classrooms in the college, our friend group snuck inside and played The Devil Wears Prada on the projector. As the only goody-two-shoes in the group I was super uneasy the whole time, but literally no faculty or staff checked in on us for the entire film. That was the moment I knew I was no longer in private school, where everyone watched you like a hawk lol.

How old were you when you met each other? I was 19, she was 21.

Are they more sporty, arty or academic? ARTSY. She’s one of the best artists I’ve ever seen and she can absolutely fucking slay any editorial cartoon.

Have you ever travelled out of country with this person? Nope. I would love to.

Person Four Do they have a favourite musician? St. Vincent’s been her fave for the longest time.

Have you drank alcohol with this person? Many times. When I drink she’s usually around.

Are their parents together? Yes.

What do you enjoy doing with them? EATING OUT!!! I also love going to new places and museum strolling with her, but yeah nothing works for me better than food with my favorite person.

When is their birthday? June 5th.

Do they have long or short hair? Long.

Have you been to a concert with this person? Yes, when we went to (illegally) see Coldplay from the top of a parking lot. Still felt like we were part of the concert grounds though.

If you asked them to describe you, what do you think they would say? Determined, hates to lose, and annoyingly generous.

Person Five Where did you two meet? I met Hannah on our enrollment day for our sophomore year in college. She and Macy had transferred from UPLB to UPD and since Macy and I were already friends from high school, she introduced me to Hannah. Then we became a lot closer when it turned out we were both applying for the same org.

How long ago did they phone you? We both hate phone calls and we’d hate to call/be called.

Do they have a certain sport they play? I don’t think she’s very athletic herself, but she loves watching UAAP games and she has a particular affinity for volleyball.

What about them annoys you sometimes? I never found her annoying. I did notice that her one weakness as a co-worker is her fear of being assertive, putting her foot down, being confident to come up with her own steps on how to come up with steps towards a situation, that kind of stuff. She often wanted someone who she felt like was more knowledgeable to be by her side and make all the decisions. But I did see her bloom a bit after a few months, so I’m proud of the progress.

Are they ruled by their head or their heart? Heart.

Are they male or female? Female.

In what ways are they the opposite of you? She’s religious and she loves to sing and perform.

How many rooms do they have in their house? No clue; I’ve never been to her house. I’ve never even been to her city.

Person Six Can they play an instrument? I think she knows *a bit* of guitar. But she’s not crazy gifted when it comes to musical instruments, I know that much.

Are they close with their mother? VERY. And she has no reason not to be - her mom is the nicest and most compassionate person I’ve ever met. Always treated me like family.

Do you know any of their siblings well? She’s an only child.

How many times have you visited their house? Countless, especially in high school and in our first few years in college.

When did you last go out to eat together? Feb. It was one of the food stalls at The Palace and we needed to eat away all the alcohol lol.

Do they own a bike? I haven’t seen one in her place so I’m assuming no. Her neighborhood is not very bike-friendly to begin with, so it’s understandable.

Do they have a sweet, sour or salty tooth? She has a...green tooth? Hahahaha she likes eating healthily.

What music genre do they listen to most? Pop, pop rock, indie, indie rock.

Person Seven Would you ever consider dating this person? Probably not. She’s SO stable and happy; I’m still working on it. I wouldn’t want to dump my shit on her vibrant and bubbly outlook on life.

Do they prefer cats or dogs? Dog, I think. I don’t know for sure though. 

Are they or do they plan to go to college? To study what? Yes, she’s in her senior year now. She’s also taking up journalism – it’s how we met.

If they did something illegal, what would it be? I highly doubt that would ever happen lmao, she’s super nice and such a goody-two-shoes. If she got caught doing something illegal it’s 100% only because she was with someone who did the thing.

Have you ever shared a sundae with this person? Maybe once or twice.

is their hair dyed or natural? It’s all black now, but at one point she dyed it light brown.

Is this person sarcastic? She can be, especially with people she’s close to.

Is this person more likely to party or sit in and read a book? SIT IN AND READ A BOOK. Literally the most accurate option.

Person Eight Have you ever lied to this person? I probably have. We’ve only ever talked on social media, where it’s a lot easier to tell a tiny lie and get away with it.

Do you know where this person was born? Somewhere in Davao I’m assuming.

Do you know their middle name and do they know yours? We know each others’ second names because have them put out on Facebook; but not our middle names.

Do they have any special talents? If she does, I don’t know about them. She’s amazing at writing though.

What is their starsign? Whatever star sign falls on the first half of December.

What is the first thing you notice about this person? Ever since the time she tweeted that she doesn’t like smiling with her teeth, her smile has always been the first thing I’m drawn to. 

Have you ever had a big row with this person? Never.

Do you like the same types of movies as this person? Not really. We met because she was friends with my friends who liked the same things she did, but when it comes to us we couldn’t really be any more different.

Random Stuff

Which of these friends would you say you are the closest to? Gabie, of course.

Can you remember all of their birthdays? I’ll give it a shot. June 22, December 31, December 5, June 5, January 16, September 15, May 23...and Aliyah’s is in early December, I’m certain.

Is there anything you regret saying to any of them? I guess only towards Gab, because I’m closest with her and we’ve been through the most together.

Which one of these has been there for you the most? Angela.

Which one have you known the longest and the shortest amount of time? I’ve been aware of Gabie the longest (18 years); been friends with Angela the longest (15 years); and been friends with Andrew the shortest (about a year and a half).

If you needed a laugh, you'd call... I wouldn’t call my friends if I needed help...but if I needed a laugh I’d turn to Anj or Andrew.

If you needed advice, you'd call... Mmm I’d pick among Andrew, Aya, Gabie, Angela, and Laurice.

Which one does your parents like the most? ANGELAAAAAAAA. She’s That friend that I can name-drop when I’m asking for permission to go out, and once my mom hears that she’s going to be with me she usually won’t hesitate to say yes haha.

Is there any of these your parents dislike? They don’t dislike any of them but I have a feeling they’ll disapprove of the fact that I made an online friend in Aliyah, especially my mom.

Do any of them share the same initials? Andrew and Aliyah do.

You can invite one with you for a once in a lifetime trip, which one? Angela.

Something you'd like to say to one of them: I miss you. That applies to everyone.

[deans-baby-momma]

Rebel Without A Cause-Ch 20

A/N: Here is it guys! The last chapter of Rebel Without A Cause. There is a 2 part epilogue that I am going to post over the weekend. So this story will officially be completed on Sunday (3/15). Also, the song in this chapter is not an actual song. It is one my beta, @lostinaseaoffictionalbliss​ and I wrote for this. 

As Maggie nears the door at the end of the hall, she can't help but recall the dream she had had; Dean cheating with a blonde named Suzie. She keeps reminding herself it had been a moment of self-doubt and uncertainty. 

After Mr. Singer had tried to task her with another month of plays and shows to attend, she had realized that Bob Singer was being manipulated by his step-daughter, Jo, to keep Maggie away from Dean. So, she had turned in her week's resignation and packed up her cubicle, leaving Ft. Garrison News behind. Maggie had uncovered the association between her boss and co-worker when she had heard Jo call the woman known as Mrs. Singer, Mom. It didn't take much to put the rest of the puzzle together to figure out that Jo was using her connections to thwart Maggie from seeing Dean.

Rayne had promised to keep Maggie's employment status a secret from Dean and had assured her that they would figure out something to do. Maggie had confided in Rayne about her family and their treatment of her and how she refused to go back there with her tail between her legs. Rayne had also influenced Maggie to come out 'on the road' with her and the band as they traveled to different cities and towns for gigs. 

So, here she is, standing outside Dean's door ready to knock and surprise him. She hadn't told him she was coming and had gotten a shock of her own to find out he had begun insisting on his own room and no longer shared a suite with the rest of the band. Apparently, he wanted nothing to do with the frequent routine of orgies and fraternizing that the band had with groupies and fans. More proof that his words were true, he did love her and didn't want to do anything to ruin that.

Raising her hand, she rapped her knuckles against the door. "Just a second!" She heard Dean say. Hearing the words in person  through a piece of pressed wood made her smile. Phone calls and Skype conversations just weren't enough. She wanted to feel the deep timbre of his voice wash over her, to be face to face with him when she told him. They had a lot to discuss, after all.

She hears the click of the lock and watches with trepidation as the knob turns and the door begins to open. What if he wasn't happy to see her? What if her arrival wasn't a surprise for him but a disappointment? Would he be happy to see her or would he be upset she was here? Maggie took a deep breath as the door came fully open to reveal her boyfriend. "Surprise!" She said smiling nervously, pausing for his reaction.

"Mags?" Dean questions, the look of shock evident on his face. "Wha-what are you doing here?"

His inquiry leaves her feeling concerned and anxious. She begins second-guessing herself but before she can get too far in her own insecurities, Dean tugs her to him, pulling her into the room and closing the door. He wraps his strong arms around her, hugging her tightly. "Baby. Goddamn, I've missed you!" Maggie can hear the delight in his voice. "Are you really here?! I'm not, like dreaming or something am I?"

Giggling, Maggie pulls back and takes him in. Deep forest green eyes with specks of hazel that reminds her of leaves after a rain, his square cheekbones that lead to a sharp jawline, plump pink lips that captivate her when they stretch into a smile over perfectly straight white teeth. When the tip of his tongue peeks through those ivories in amusement and contentment she is completely enchanted. This beautiful specimen of man should be a sin but she'd happily go to Hell to call him hers.

"Baby," Dean queries, pulling Maggie from her thoughts. "What are you doing here? I thought you were swamped with shows and plays for work?"

"Yea, about that…."

"And so I told him everything," Maggie finishes telling Rayne, explaining Dean's reaction to her resigning her position at the newspaper. 

After she and Dean had gotten reacquainted after two long weeks of being away from one another, Maggie calls Rayne to go get a bite to eat while the band rehearses and finishes setting up. The two best friends sat in a booth at a local bar and grill and caught up.

"So," Rayne says grabbing a fry and dipping it in ketchup. "The bitch got jealous and used her contacts to sabotage you. What did she think she would accomplish? That she'd have a chance with Dean? Psh, whatever. That man is madly in love with you," Rayne accidentally spills, not catching the admission right away. Not until the lack of response from Maggie does she look up to see her friend staring at her, eyes wide. "Oh come on! Maggie, you gotta know that man is head over heels in love with you." Rayne knows it's too late to try to retract anything but the truth is out now so she goes with it. "Maggie, Dean has practically become a recluse. He stays to himself before and after the shows. He just goes out there, does what is needed and comes back to sit to the side and stare at his phone, at the pictures of you on his phone. Girl, the man is smitten."

"He told me he loved me," Maggie says nonchalantly,  taking a bite of salad. 

"WHAT?!" Rayne yells, bringing everyone's attention to them. "WHEN? OH MY GOD! MAGGIE WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD ME?"

"Shhh!" Maggie's shushed Rayne and leans forward over her plate. "It was a lethargic statement. I doubt he even realizes he said it. Just don't say anything. Don't even tell Sam." Maggie sits back but can still see the glee on her friend’s face.  "Rayne, promise me you will keep your mouth shut. Please? He didn't mean it. It was right after we had Skype sex, he was just in the moment."

Rayne feels disappointment and defeat at Maggie's blatant disregard of Dean's profession. She spends the rest of the meal trying to figure out how to prove to Maggie that she is wrong in her assumption. 

Dean sits in his private suite, wishing Maggie was there. It's been almost three weeks since she has been able to be at any of his gigs and he misses her immensely. He misses the way her presence calms and soothes him. It didn't matter how many performances the Winchester Sex Bombs gave, Dean's nerves are always raging and on edge. He would usually drink them away but since Maggie Fitzgerald came into his life 8 months ago, he only needs to be in her embrace to get the feeling of peace and tranquility.  His performances seem to have improved with her in his life, too.

She is so much different than her step-sister. Dean thinks back to his younger days when he dated Lisa Braeden. He was so young and immature that he just shrugged off all the warning signs. Clues of her true nature should've had him running for the hills but in his juvenile brain, he overlooked all the flags in favor of getting his dick wet. Dean regretted ever giving that gift, his virginity, to such a vile human being.

Where Lisa is horrible and nasty, Maggie is the exact opposite. Maggie is good and kind, a gentle soul. Someone Dean can see spending the rest of his life with.  Dean rummages through his bag until his hand runs across the velvet box stored inside. He's had the ring for a week now, waiting for his love to return to him. He planned to propose to her in the same setting that brought her back into his life, one of his concerts but work has kept them apart. 

A knock on the door makes him jump and he takes one last look at the piece of jewelry before hiding it back in his bag. "Just a second."

Expecting to see Sam or one of his other bandmates, Dean unlocks the door and opens it. He knows the band has rehearsal but that wasn't until later. But knowing Sam, he wants to go over the revisions to their set one more time. He can't believe his eyes when he realizes who his visitor is. His heart skips a beat and he feels overjoyed. "Mags? What-what are you doing here?" He asks but all he wants to do is pull her to him and lavish her with all the love he has for her. And so he does. Pulling her body to his, he quickly closes the door and hugs her to him, his arms embrace her. He can smell her body wash, some minty aroma that drives his senses wild. He can't help but bury his nose in her hair and inhale. Dean can't believe she’s finally back in his arms. She is finally back where she belongs.

"Baby. Goddamn, I've missed you!" He doesn't even attempt to hide his glee. "Are you really here?! I'm not, like dreaming or something am I?" 

Her giggle is the sweetest sound on earth, followed closely by the moans she wails when he is deep inside her. His dick twitches at the thought. She pulls back and he takes the time to study the woman who has stolen his heart. Her dark brown eyes remind him of saccharine chocolate, her hair the light golden brown of chestnuts. Her face is the epitome of beauty. High cheekbones, full kissable lips, and a tiny button nose. He pecks her lips with a smile. She is here, in his arms; his heart feels like it is going to explode in bliss.

"Baby," he asks. "What are you doing here? I thought you were swamped with shows and plays for work?"

"Yea, about that…." Maggie sighs and pulls from his grasp. "I resigned." Dean quirks an eyebrow and she continues, beginning to pace in front of him. "Apparently Jo is Mr. Singer's step-daughter and she used him to keep us apart."

"What? Why? How?" Dean blasts, confused and perturbed. Someone was trying to sabotage her, them, their relationship? It pissed him off more than he could explain. He would fight tooth and nail for the woman before him.

"Jealousy," Maggie shrugs as she stops her stride. "She was jealous that you picked me. That you and I are sleeping together. Real childish bullshit. So as soon as I figured it out, I put in my resignation and left. So now I'm unemployed and have to look for a new job. It will probably mean more time apart for us but…. Dean, I just couldn't stay at Ft. Garrison. Not after that. I'm sorry."

Dean pulls her back to him and envelopes her in a hug. "Don't you dare apologize, Mags. I don't blame you a bit. Jo is a major bitch for doing that. We'll figure something out, I promise okay?"

Dean looks down to see a small smile on her face as he feels her relax in his arms. He vows to do whatever it takes to keep her exactly where she is.

Dean swears he will never get used to the feeling of Maggie's body taking him in. As he settles inside her hot, wet cavern he revels in the sense of intimacy, the closeness to another person. This isn't just a hookup to him, isn't just another way to get off.  To Dean, this is an intimate bond between him and the woman he loves. Between the push and pull of the dalliance, he bares his soul to Maggie. He lets her in more than he has ever done before.

He can feel her walls fluttering around his shaft and it enraptures him. His momentum increases and he reaches between their bodies to caress her swollen nub. He loves the fact that he can make her feel so good, can make her hit her peak so thoroughly.  He watches with his forehead lain against hers, as her eyes roll back and her mouth hangs agape, a silent cry of pleasure. 

Watching her climax is the highlight of his day. She is so beautiful in the throes of passion and his eyes well up when he thinks she is all his. It brings on his own end as he lets go and fills her with his release.

He knows that no matter what obstacles come their way, together they can conquer anything!

Dean decides during rehearsal to let the rest of the band in on his plans. He had teamed up with Sam and Meg and wrote a song for Maggie and with her being back, and the circumstances of her return, he decided tonight was the night to debut it.

"So, there's gonna be a little adjustment to the set tonight." Four sets of eyes look his way in confusion. 

"What're you talkin' 'bout there Chief?" Benny spoke up for the rest of them.

"Sam, Meg, and I have been working on a song and I want to sing it tonight," Dean explains. "It holds special meaning to me and it's time."

"Are you sure?" Sam asks, skeptical of why his brother wants to perform that particular number. "I mean, will she even hear it?"

"Mags is here," Dean tells his brother. "Showed up a couple of hours ago. She's out with Rayne right now. So yea it's time," Dean says knowing his younger brother understands the meaning behind his words. 

Dean turns to the other three. "So I was thinking in between 'Set Me Off' and ''Ex You Out'...."

The crowd is pumped. People are on the dance floor, dancing to the music while others sit at the tables or at the bar, nodding their heads or tapping their feet.  Dean feels alive; he feels as if everything is right in the world. His band is drawing bigger and bigger crowds every night; his girl, his lover and best friend is in the shadows observing; and tonight his life will hopefully change. With just one word. 

As the ending to 'Set Me Off' crescendos, he looks to Meg and she nods as she begins playing the soft notes on her keyboard.

.

🎶Someone call the police

This girl has stolen my heart

A crime of passion has been unleashed 

My heart is shackled to hers like a work of art

With only a glance I’m her prisoner for life. 

With one look of her dazzling eyes 

And one sway of her hips I was mesmerized 

She’s got me all up in a twist 

And I’m loving every bit of it

Feeling things I ain’t never felt before

Down deep in my core

Can’t shake this feeling although I tried 

She’s got me hypnotized 

Like a muppet on a string 

I give her the reins

To mould me and shape me

Into who she needs me to be.

With only a glance I’m her prisoner for life. 

With one look of her dazzling eyes 

And one sway of her hips I was mesmerized 

She’s got me all up in a twist 

And I’m loving every bit of it

Feeling things I ain’t never felt before

Down deep in my core

Can’t shake this feeling although I tried 

She’s got me hypnotized 

She's got me hypnotized 

She's got me stupefied 

She's got me, heart and soul

I give her my all.🎶

"Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for coming out tonight. The Winchester Sex Bombs deeply appreciate your support. Now if you don't mind, I want to take a minute to do something that's been years- I mean YEARS- in the making. Maggie, will you come out here?" Dean says as he looks toward the curtain he knows Maggie and Rayne are behind. He watches with laughter as Rayne pushes his girlfriend onto the stage. He can tell Maggie is nervous as hell on top of confused about why he called her out to join him.

As she nears center stage where he is, he removes his guitar and hands it off to Sam. The lights go out except for the spotlight that is shining right on them. Dean removes the microphone from its stand and grasps her hand in his free one.

"Margaret Eugenia Fitzgerald. I have known you since you were 14 years old and I have always felt this bond, this connection with you. Even when we went our separate ways, you would often cross my mind. Then one night, much like tonight. I saw you. I thought my eyes were deceiving me. I thought there was no way you were in the crowd at one of my concerts. But it was you. My life has become so much better since then and I know it will only get better." He lets go of her hand and pulls the ring from his pocket, then gets down on one knee.

Looking up at her, his angel, he asks the one question no one but Sam was anticipating. "Will you marry me?"

@pink1031​ @spnbaby-67​ @winecatsandpizza​ @joseyrw​ @kricketc29​ @tftumblin​ @markofdean79​ @sandlee44​ @michellethetvaddict​ @lyarr24​ @travelingriversideblues-x​

[vspideycaptain]

Meeting Chris

Reader x Chris Evans (Feat. RDJ, Zendaya, Chris Pratt, Tom Holland and other marvel actors)

A/N: You’re the newest addition to the Gaurdians cast and as a MCU actor and it’s the night of your first ever MCU cast party. This one is orchestrated by Chris Pratt for Chris Hemsworth’s birthday. Its and 80s theme and through your anxieties your friends help you through meeting people, specifically Chris Evans.

I’m a little prouder of this one but it does takes a little bit to get to the point when Chris Evans shows up but I hope you find that its worth the build up.

Warnings: Fluff and alcohol and angst. WORD COUNT: 2735

 ---------------------

It had been only about 15 minutes after I had wrapped my scenes for the day when I heard a knock on my trailer door. Praying that it isn’t a PA asking me to return to set as I had already taken half of my make up off I approach the door. I am pleasantly surprised to see that it is not a member of the crew but it is Chris Pratt. “Hey (Y/N/N)! Just double checking that you can make it to Chris’s birthday party tonight?” He asked cheerfully. I nodded hesitantly, “Yeah I’ll be there… 80s party right?” I shifted my weight to lean against the door frame to pretend as through I am not anxious about my first Hollywood party but since Chris and I have gotten pretty close he can read me. “Yeah it is!” he starts in a more forceful cheery tone and then switches to a more caring one, “Listen, I bet you’re bricking it right now but I promise you as intimidating Hollywood parties sound they’re much more relaxed.” I nod and give him a half-hearted smile, “Thanks.”

Chris wasn’t fully convinced that I was feeling better because he put both his hands on either of my shoulders to shake me out of my head. “I have an idea. How about you come to the venue right now and help me set up a little so you at least have the party setting under your control so when you actually arrive and everyone else is there you have less to digest.” I took a deep breath and considered his proposal. He shook me once more making me feel small but breaking me out of my head once more, “Yeah that sounds great.” I answered him and he clapped his hands together in approval. “Great! You have the address, yeah? Meet you there in like a half hour.” And just like that he was off and I got ready to leave.

I took an uber to work that morning as mine was in the shop so I gave the driver the address to the pub the party was to be at and on my way I went. It was about an hour long drive with California traffic but as we got closer I recognized that it was much closer to my temporary apartment. When we pulled up and I stepped out of the uber I was shocked to realize that the venue wasn’t a pub like Pratt had suggested it was. It was the infamous Viper club! This was the club known for crazy Hollywood parties and haunting encounters. I definitely started to question whether I was in the right place so I texted Chris that I thought I was in the right place. Moments later he opened the front door and allowed me inside. I was in the right place after all.

It was a surprisingly small location but was already looking perfect for the guest that were bound to come. Not everyone from the MCU could make it to this party but I good handful was coming so Pratt and I had a great deal of work on our hands. It was myself, Chris and his team putting up 80s memorabilia. Well really it was myself and his team putting up decorations while Chris curated the playlist for the night. About an hour went by and the party was set to start in about 3 hours so I told Chris I was calling myself an uber so I could go get ready. His response, “Nonsense! I have two drivers here right now. Take one back to your place and return it tonight. Thanks for your help.” He walked me out and hugged me at the door, “Don’t worry about tonight, I got your back” I thanked him again for all of his kindness before getting into the car and heading to my apartment.

I walked into my temporary apartment as I was still hunting for a permanent place and rushed to my bathroom to freshen up. One musical shower concert later and I facetimed my now good friend Zendaya for outfit help. Together we looked through my closet and my makeup collection and formulated the best 80s theme outfit for the night. We decided that since she was going fully Whiney Houston glam that I needed to go full Madonna fashionista. I threw on a plain white tee that had some distressed holes at the collar and put on a black skirt with suspenders on over it. Paired it with a bowler hat and piled an abundance of chunky bracelets on my wrists. When I moved on to the makeup portion Zen talked me through how to get the eye shadow and eyeliner just right. And to top the look all off I used my old crimper to style my hair.

I bid my friend goodbye and checked the time; I had a few minutes to spare so I walked to my bathroom to check my appearance one last time before calling up Chris’s driver to come pick me up. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to talk myself down from a panic attack. “Just take it moment by moment. If everyone is half as kind as RDJ, Zendaya, or Pratt this evening will be easy. You already know a good portion of people going anyway. Tom Holland and Chris Harmsworth will be there too…. Well duh, its his birthday but that’s something you can focus on if things get rocky. It’s a celebration so have fun and nothing will go wrong.” I talked to myself and took in a deep breath. It was now or never so I called the driver and before I knew it I was on my way back to The Viper Room.

The second I opened the door the venue the sound of Madonna herself filled the atmosphere. Chris Pratt noticed me instantly from his spot at the bar and made his way over to me to greet me with a big bear hug. “There you are! Great look! Very Madonna!” He said and then realized that Like A Virgin was playing over the speakers and got all excited, “Very appropriate for your entrance.” He then nudged me like he was suggesting something more. My jaw dropped, he didn’t seriously think I was a virgin… I pushed his arm away, “I am not a virgin, you weirdo!” He put his arm up in defense, “No no! Well… What I meant was you’re a MCU party virgin and you’re dressed as Madonna!” The feeling of embarrassment rushed over me and internally I was so thankful for my heavy 80s blush to hide the actual blushing I was doing. “Lets get a drink.” Chris said and ushered me to the bar and I couldn’t have been more onboard.

The second we arrived one of the bar tenders was asking for my order and I asked for my typical drink of a Gin and Tonic. Pratt and I made conversation about how great everything regarding the party turned out as I waited for my drink when Hemsworth made his way over. As I had been working with him on Guardians 3 there was no introduction to be made. In fact when he spotted me he was lifting me up into a big hug. He was clearly already a few drinks and maybe shots into the night as he smelt strongly of rum. “(Y/N) you’ve made it! I heard you helped throw this all together!” the Thor actor said as he lifted me above the crowd. With my new point of view I was exposed to the party and found a few eyes of people I had admired me like Scarlett Johansson and Chris Evans who were at a table in the corner. I got very self-conscious as I watched Chris start to grin wildly as he looked between Scarlett and I’s very similar outfits. We seemed to have both gone for the famous Madonna look.

“Put me down Hemsworth!” I yelled down to him and once he put me on the ground I gave the man a real hug and tried to push the uncomfortable feels to the back of my mind. “Happy Birthday!” I said in his ear and he smiled goofily as he thanked me and separated us. The bartender was back with my drink and I took it and took a big gulp to help ease the nerves. But then my attention was back on Pratt who was laughing and pointing at myself and then to something behind me. When I turned around it was Scarlett and Chris making their way over to us. As she made her way I tried to get a gage on how she was feeling about matching with me. Was it going to be one of those “One of us has to change and it’s not going to be me” moments? I wasn’t sure as I surveyed her face which was smizing but as for Chris Evans who was walking behind her, he was staring me down intensely in a way I just couldn’t read.

I was relieved when Scar-Jo had brought me in for a hug and hello the second we connected. We had a laugh at the sameness of our outfits as the three famous  Chris’s took in the sight and all started taking pictures. We did a round of posing for each phone. I turned to Scarlett and asked if we could take one on my phone and she thankfully agreed. I reached for it and started to hand it to Pratt, “Pratt-Pratt take our picture!” said over the booming of the start of Sweet Dreams by The Eurythmics. But once Pratt and the others around me realized the song they all got excited and started yelling something about RDJ. “Come on! We’ll be right back (Y/N/N)!” Chris’ Pratt and Hemsworth said as the dashed out of sight with Scar-Jo. Leaving me and Chris Evans by ourselves….

I didn’t know what to do as this was the first time we had ever been in the same room. I wasn’t very good at this kind of interactions but luckily Chris took the lead and asked me if I wanted to follow him back to his table. I agreed and took the seat that Scarlett was in before me. He extended his hand toward me and it took it for a shake and then found him pulling me in for a an air kiss. “I’m Chris, its great to finally meet you!” He said and I returned his smile, “I’m (Y/N). Thank you for inviting me over. Pratt promised to babysit me tonight and he’s already failing.” I said with a chuckle but internally I was growing more and more nervous as I realized Chris’s eyes scanning all over my face and even to my body. “Babysit? You hardly need babysitting. What are you 20?” He asked and I nodded in return, “23 actually. You’re right I don’t need him!” I said with a bit more confidence and took another swig of gin.

There was something about Chris that I really couldn’t figure out. He made me feel both insecure and confident as we were chatting. His piercing blue eyes never left my being the second we sat down and I could feel this tension between us but I kept telling myself it was in my head. There was no way Chris Evans was checking me out. We sat there for awhile talking about where we grew up as we had that sort of in common having both been born in Massachusetts. Series of songs past; Straight Up by Paula Abdul, PYT by Michael Jackson, Sweet Child O’ Mine by Guns N’ Roses, and You May Be Right by Billy Joel by the time Chris gets up to get us drinks and as I wait my I my phone buzzes on the table.

I pick it up to find the last person I wanted to see a message from had texted me. I sighed heavily and locked my phone immediately. Chris returns with the round of our drinks and notices my changed demeanor. “You alright?” He asked me and handed me my drink. I rolled my eyes and locked my phone, “Yeah just an ex-best friend asking for favors again… People say fame changes people but you always assume it’s the one in the spotlight not the people around them.” I said defeated and Chris and I’s eyes lock. He looks at me with so much intensity I almost forget the dreadful text until he spoke, “I know exactly how you feel. I lost a lot of friends after booking my first movie. I’m not gonna lie to you it’s gonna be hard but you’ll find a family in the people here and form close bonds and we’ll all make sure you’re staying afloat.” When he finished speaking he subconsciously patted his hand on my knee and let it linger there for a moment.

And just like in 80s rom-coms the music changed on cue to I Wanna Dance with Somebody by Whitney Houston and like clock work a figure started running towards us. It was Zendaya who must have arrived without me noticing seeing as she was halfway through her drink, “(Y/N)! You promised me you’d dance to Whitney with me! Come one!” She said and practically dragged me out of the chair. I turned back to Chris and gave him a wave as an apology for the sudden departure. Zendaya pulled me along until we reached Jake Gyllenhaal and Tom Holland (Who I have slowly started to make more progress and we have started to feel more comfortable around each other after our first meeting.) In a flash I was being introduced to Jake and saying hello to Tom as we all danced to the pop music. Zen pulled me toward her and then turned me around as we dramatically lip synched. As a moved I couldn’t help but feel a pair of eyes on me and as I looked around they were Chris Evans’. He had his glass to his lips as if he was frozen in time until he realized I had caught him staring again and he flashed me an unexpected wink and got up from his chair and disappearing.

For the rest of the night I danced and mingled with the rest of the Marvel stars. I didn’t get another chance to speak to Evans again before leaving but I found him continuing to look at me from across the room. I didn’t know what it meant as I barely knew him but he didn’t seem like the predator type. I tried to rationalize his actions over and over, “There is no chance Chris Evans is into you. You’re reading into it (Y/N).” I told myself as I grabbed my coat from the check in desk and got ready to leave. My hand on the handle to leave I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to find low an behold, Evans again. “Sorry. I know you’re leaving but…” He started very nervously and pulled his phone from his pocket, “I just couldn’t let you leave without exchanging numbers… You know incase you need anything!” He said and I calmed down as that had seemed like a reasonable request. We swap phones and I entered my number into his contacts but when we go to switch he swiped my phone away, “Did you ever get that picture you asked Pratt to take?” He asked and I shook my head no and watched Chris open the camera on my phone and as he asked me to pose. I laughed at this incredibly dorky moment and played along by giving him my signature pose that my swagger coach taught me. He took the picture and admired his work, “Perfect.” He said a little quieter before handing me my phone. I thanked him for the chats and the great night and left.

Back in my uber back to my apartment I played over the events in my head as all of it confused me. “Did Chris Evans really just call me perfect? What did all of that mean?” I questioned all the way to my home and to my bed where drowsiness took me over and I fell asleep.

*This story goes with ‘The Real War’ series visit MasterList if interested.*

[mjrwritesalot]

The Con that Started it All

365 Days of Jensen - Day 1 Jensen X Reader (eventual) Words 2134 A/N: reviving my 365 days of Jensen series - and reediting it since tumblr was a jerk..

++++

“How the hell do you manage to keep up, especially being pregnant?”

You let out a laugh and shake your head. “I guess I’m just used to it. I’ve got three more at home, and they’re all mobile and busy.” You finally had some time off, and after spending the first day of Vegas Con alone, you decided to join up with your friends and their activities. Allison and Kori had been more than happy to include you in on their activities for the day, and between the few panels you wanted to see on the first day, you had been quite busy. “I want to know how you were able to sing that song at Karaoke last night.” You look to Allison who had stopped to take a drink of water. She looks to her girlfriend and smiles. “You’re used to it?” “Yes, and when I can drink, you should see me belt those songs. Inhibitions are out the window.” You laugh. “Oh, I’m getting hungry. We should stop in here. I heard they’re really good.” You point to Hash House, and give them a nod. “Yes! We must feed the pregnant lady!” Kori laughs, pointing to the sky as if making a declaration. “Maybe you should call Toula and David, wake them up and have them join us. (Y/N) would love to meet them.” You shrug your shoulders. “Well, Toula sounds Greek and Greek people are really cool people, so I’m down with meeting some more new friends.”

“So, we’ve been talking. Since you’re pregnant, we can’t really tell what type of fan you are?” David asks after you had finished lunch. You were all digesting and just sitting around. You give him a surprised chuckle, which made his wife Toula elbow him hard in the ribs. “What do you mean?” “Don’t scare off new friends David, why do you ask every supernatural fan how big of a fan they are? They wouldn’t be here if they weren’t big fans.” “But then there’s big fans, who like go to every convention and event and thing they do, or there’s the first timer. And I can’t pinpoint who you are.” You smile at David and shrug your shoulders. “WAIT!” Kori squeals. “It’s your first con? How did I not know this?” “Guilty as charged. I got on the website and picked the closest one to where my sister lives. And it happened to be Supernatural or Stranger Things, and I never got into that show. I’ll stay with my sister before I fly out to Austin. This seemed smartest.” “You’re a con virgin. This is so awesome.” Toula laughs, giving Allison a high five. “I’m betting that you’ve lost your con virginity then, by the way you’re acting?” you ask. “Uh huh. Went to Vegas last year. This’ll be my second.” Allison said. “It’s Kori’s first, and we met Toula last year.” “And it’s my third. David’s second. I dragged him along last year and he seems to like it. Maybe borderline obsessed.” Toula looks to her husband and gives him a face. David rolls his eyes and leans forward, making it a point to only include you in his next question. “Since you just picked the closest one, are you even a Supernatural fan? Like are you current to what’s aired?” he asks. “Yeah. I’m current. Dean died and went to hell, right?” you laugh at his perplexed look. “I’m kidding. I’ve got a thirteen year old. She’s obsessed with Supernatural. We had to get cable so she can watch it that night.” “I still don’t believe it and I’ve known you for over a decade. You look good for having a thirteen year old. And really young.” Allison smiles. “Like what can I do to have good genes when I’ve got a thirteen year old?” “How old do y’all think I am? I could be ancient.” “Mid twenties.” Toula nods with everyone. “Close enough. Thirty one. Had my oldest at eighteen.”

After two days of non stop fun, after Saturday night and the concert, you were tired and ready for a few minutes alone to your thoughts.

Once you were done at the convention, you would fly out of Vegas, and start your new life with your kids, in a new city and a new state. Everyone told you that Austin Texas was the perfect place for the art scene, and your small business would flourish. Then you found out you were pregnant and it changed everything quickly. Your parents took your girls and drove your moving van to Texas while you had one last weekend to yourself. Your ex didn’t want to be a father any more, and wanted to head off on his own adventure with his newest model. Granted you were only thirty one, and you’ weren’t old by standards – it hurt that he replaced you and his daughters for someone else. After a long talk with Harper your oldest, and then Sage and Piper your baby – you finally felt ready to get back to the group and have fun.

“You look like you could use some company. You okay?” You look up to watch Jensen Ackles – the Jensen Ackles – placing a can of sprite in front of you. “Yeah. Not sure actually.” You sigh, putting down your phone. “I can leave.” You wait a few seconds, weighing the options in front of you. Being alone to sit in your thoughts, or spend a few minutes – even if it’s a few – with Jensen Ackles. “No. No. I could actually use some company.” You lean back, showing off your four month bump a little better. “No husband with you?” he pulls out a chair and sit with you. “No husband.” You look up at him with a smile, but in a second he can tell how fake your smile is. “Uh oh. Someone in the dog house?” “No. I actually don’t have a husband. He didn’t think his daughters or I were good enough for him.” He let’s out a loud exhale. “Shit. I’m sorry I – ” “It’s okay. I’ve had about three months to get used to the idea of single parenting.” You rub your stomach a few times and accept the cup of sprite, taking a long sip. “How far along are you?” He leans back and takes a drag of his beer and puts the bottle down. “Four months.” “Damn, what an asshole.” You laugh and tap your cup to his glass. “Can’t say I disagree. But enough about me, what are you doing here of all places?” “It’s small, quiet. Good drinks. Pretty company.” You scoff, trying to wave him off. “No. I’m serious. You’re pretty. And the company I’d rather have.” “What, Jared not pretty enough?” you laugh. “Yeah, he’s okay. But again, you’re prettier.” “Well,” you motion to the empty booth and table you were at. “I am so busy. So, I don’t know how much attention I’ll pay to you.” “Okay, so you’re sarcastic and sassy. Tell me, are you team Dean or team Sam? Keep you busy dodging my question.” “How do you know that I’m here for the convention?” He laughs and looks down. “I would have not asked, but you’ve got a bracelet on for the panels today. I assumed.” “Well, you know what assume spells, right?” You lean forward as much as your stomach lets you and give him a big smile. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seriously. Because if you’re a Sam girl, I won’t even waste my time.” “Oh no. Don’t go. I actually like you, despite your shorter stature.” You smile. “Short. Woman.” He shakes his head, but glances at you as you start to laugh. “Tell you what. You guess. I have a thirteen year old who’s obsessed with Supernatural and I let her name our new dogs. If you guess right, I’ll tell you what team I’m on.” “Only if I can see what kind of dogs they are to wager my guess.” He replies. “You just want my phone.” You counter. You don’t know where your confidence was coming. You usually had to be drunk to talk this boldly with a guy – especially Jensen. “Maybe I do. Maybe I want to give you my number.” He holds out his hand, almost expecting you to give him the phone. “Aren’t you married?” you ask. “No. I’m not. So you aren’t a rabid fan, because they obviously know I’m divorced.” “No offense Jansen,” you make it a point to mess up his name, and he smiles and shakes his head. “I’ve got three girls, one’s a teen and I’ve got one on the way. I have no time to Google you and find out all about your life. If I’m ever curious, I’ll have Harper do it.” “You have a teenager?” he asks skeptically. “How old are you?” “You know that’s like the worst thing you can ask a woman, right?” you take a sip of your drink and lean back. “Like, no one asks a girl their age. We give it to you if we’re feeling nice.” “Come on, I’m terrible at guessing.” “Fine, I’ll give you a clue. I was a senior in high school when I had my oldest.” “And she’s a teen?” he asks. You nod slowly. “Well, if she’s just in her first year of being a teen, she’d be thirteen. So I’m guessing you’re twenty–nine, thirty?” “Impressive. Low balling my age. I like.” You laugh. “You’re older?” you nod. “Thirty–one?” “Bingo. Good guessing, for being such a terrible guesser.” You tease. “Now, here’s the phone, those are my dogs on the background. Let’s see if you can guess these guys’ name.” “Well,” he pauses, and you can tell he’s typing something into your phone. You’re sure that he’s putting his number in. “I’d like to think that you’re a Dean girl, so I’m going to guess that one is at least Winchester. Baby?” “Nope. Well, one you got right, the other not so much.” “Well, the Pit Bull looks like a Winchester. Tough guy.” He laughs. “Although you are correct with the name, he’s an absolute pansy.” You reply. “Hmmmm, so I’m thinking that German shepherd is actually a girl, and your daughter named her Ellen. Or Jo.” “Nope. Not a girl. It’s a boy.” You correct. “I picked two boy dogs just because we have enough estrogen in our house.” “Okay. Okay. How about Dean?” he asks with a laugh. He takes a drink and leans back. “Not bad for being bad at guessing. The kids love calling out “Dean Winchester” and people see two dogs running towards us. Just as funny as my mom thought it’d be funny calling two of her horses Bradley and Cooper.” “You’re joking…” “I wish I were. There was a time when my family was normal. Then my daughter wanted to name the dogs, and it all went downhill from there.” He lets out a deep chuckle and sighs. “Care if I join you?” “Isn’t that what you’re already doing Jansen?” “No. I’m sitting off to the side. Can I join you in the booth?” “Ah,” you put your legs down, offering the space next to you. “I guess so.”

“Hey, we need to get you to bed. You have a panel tomorrow. Multiple panels.” You look down to your phone just in time to see it turn to 3:00 AM. “Wow, would you look at that. Time has sure passed quickly.” “Well, that’s what you get when you have good company. Thanks for keeping me company. I needed it.” “Just think, you fly out Monday. Maybe we’ll arrive the same time?” “Oh, so you’re leaving Vegas on Monday?” you ask skeptically. You still give him a smile, even though your voice gives off the tone that you don’t believe him. “Maybe. Maybe I’d be at the airport to give you a hug when you arrive. I don’t know. I like that you’re going to be in Austin.” “Austin’s a big city. I highly doubt we’ll see each other.” “You have my number,” he stands and helps you out of the booth. After throwing a large number of bills down on the table, he walks with you slowly out of the bar. “Okay, true. I’ve got your number, but you don’t want to get in the middle of my drama.” You point to your stomach and look down. “Don’t make that decision for me, please?” he stops you from walking and holds your hands in his. You let out a big sigh and smile, starting to pull away from him and head towards where your room was. “Okay, fine. Southwest, Monday night. 9:35. If you want to be there.” “See you tomorrow pretty girl,” he replies, finally letting you walk off.

[derekklenadaily]

Dani’s review/synopsis of the first preview of “Jagged Little Pill” on Broadway!

I had the privilege to go to New York City to see Derek’s first preview “Jagged Little Pill” this past Sunday. While growing up back in the early ‘90s, Alanis Morrisette was definitely one of the most known artists in that era, I do remember hearing her music on the radio all time and even sang along to her tunes with my mother in the car. So, when I saw the news that her music was going to be made into a musical, I was very excited. When I saw this musical last summer in Cambridge, MA during their out-of-town run, and my mind was pretty much blown. Before I go any further, sexual assault is mentioned in this review and very slight spoilers is also present.  

Despite the changes for the first preview for the Broadway run, I got to say this musical is more than I ever thought it would be. The opening number just takes the audience by surprise with their exhilarating dancing and them singing fiercely but so passionately. We could feel such a big electric/energy charge in between us audience and the people on stage. It was like being an awesome rock concert, really. Then the music goes softer as we see the family of four comes up to the stage.  

Elizabeth Stanley who plays Mary Jane Healy who plays the mother of Nick and Frankie and a wife of Steve Healy. In the show, Mary Jane is an all star-kind of mother who supports her kids at various things such as sports and school. But outside of that world, she currently is struggling with drug addiction due after having a car accident earlier that year. At the same time, she has difficult relationship with her husband Steve who has been away from the family most of the time and hasn’t had a great sexual relationship with him ever since the car accident incident. Elizabeth is absolutely beyond brilliant in this show. She has a great comedic timing especially the scenes with the family. Her acting and singing is definitely out of this world. I think the last scene (“Forgiven”) before intermission still got me shaking in the boots, because it was so incredibly beautiful, tragic and damn powerful at the same time, especially having numerous voices from the cast blending with hers as they stood behind. I’m definitely certain that the judges for any kind of theater awards will look into that scene and mark her as Best Actress in a Musical. She deserves to get it. I got to say her and Sean Allan Krill’s chemistry was absolutely perfect to form this tragic and destructive husband and wife relationship. They would start as tense - not wanting to touch each other and then lying behind each other back’s (her addiction with pills and him with pornography). Suddenly, Elizabeth and Sean went out of the box even more at one point - I thought they would end their characters’ marriage and slam it with divorce right there in the show. It was absolutely incredible.  

Sean Allan Krill who plays the father of Nick and Frankie, also a husband of Mary Jane. He’s business man who travels and works in his office most of the time. He doesn’t have a very good relationship with Mary Jane because they hadn’t had any sex over a year. So, to feed that sexual drive - he goes on porn sites and becomes addicted with it. Like what I said in the paragraph before, he and Elizabeth has an amazing chemistry. There’s one scene that Sean does it so amazing when he sings “Mary Jane” in Act Two. It’s absolutely heart-wrenching that we can’t help feeling sorry for him and seeing him trying to mend his relationship with her after all that mess they went through.

There are some hidden secrets and devastating moments that each character cannot escape from, whether it’s sexual assault, drug-addiction, and sex addiction. Especially comes to Derek’s character, Nick - who is the good and golden boy who gets all the accolades and praises for his schoolwork and his sportsmanship. But that bubble suddenly bursts when one of his best friends gets accused of sexual assault by Bella (a classmate that Nick has known since sixth grade). Nick faces such a tremendous difficult decision on what to do and how he get through it without getting a scratch off his record. The songs he sings, “Perfect” was jaw-dropping and absolutely heart-wrenching, really. It shows that he is being pressurized by his parents, after being accepted to Harvard and how he is treated like as a hometown hero. “Wake Up” in Act One was absolutely incredible because it shows the depth of his feelings and being pressurized to speak up about what happened that night.  As I watched Derek in the first preview, I found his character a bit more sympathetic than the Cambridge run. I definitely think that he has improved so much with his craft and his work after “Anastasia” and doing countless rehearsals with this show.  

Kathyrn Gallagher who plays Bella, she is absolutely amazing in this role. After her countless researching and watching documentaries of sexual assaults and hearing several survivors’ stories, she definitely put her feet in their shoes to tell their stories on stage. It may be a really difficult and enormous thing to do, but she does it with a tremendous job. There is this scene where Kathryn sings “Predator” is absolutely devastating and heartbreaking but at the same time, it’s so beautiful because there is a dancer named Annelise Baker who interprets Bella’s character on that night. As Kathryn sings this number, she watches herself to unfold to a beautiful human being from into a complete shattered person. I got to give major kudos to Sidi Larbi Cherkaoui who is the choreographer (you may know his work in Beyoncé's music video). Every single dancing movement in the show is absolutely thrilling and exciting all at once. Also, we see several scenes that relates and mirrors her and Elizabeth’s character especially “Uninvited”. Near at the end of the show, Kathryn’s brilliant and such a strong number “No” with Derek and Celia along with the ensembles, it spreads various but incredibly important messages to speak up.

Celia Gooding who plays Frankie - Nick’s sister and a daughter of Mary Jane and Steve Healy. Frankie goes through several difficult situations in this play; one - she was adopted by Mary Jane and Steve when she was an infant and is the only black member in the family. So, she feels bit out of place especially dealing with Mary Jane who doesn’t grasp the idea of Frankie’s identity. Two, she tries to explores with her relationship in between Jo and Phoenix throughout the show and sees where and which her status falls in place. Celia is definitely bold and so much fierce as heck! She brings it all down when she sings “All I Really Want” with Elizabeth Stanley, “Hand in My Pocket” with Lauren Patten and then her solo piece “Unprodigal Daughter”. Her chemistry with Lauren is awesome because you can see how much they complement each other, it’s all very fun and playful. Her chemistry with Antonio was very cute and flirtatious. Lastly, her chemistry with Elizabeth Stanley was incredible because it showed that they had a tough mother-daughter relationship like Elizabeth had this wall up, blocking everything out and Celia tries to take it down by doing such ferocious, daring and bold things. Towards at the end of the show, something tragically happens in the family - we see the wall in between them shift and eventually come down for good.  

Antonio Cipriano who plays Phoenix, who is Frankie’s classmate and befriends her. Throughout the show, we see how their relationship develops. Antonio who was the finalist for the Jimmy Award. He is extremely talented and absolutely brilliant in this production. He’s great comedic timing and has a wonderful chemistry with Celia Gooding. I absolutely love when they sing “Head Over Feet”. It was really cute! I’d love if he had a solo piece in this show because his singing voice is absolutely terrific. I’m so happy that he made his debut on Broadway which he deserves, along with this incredible cast.

Lauren Patten who plays Jo, who is Frankie’s best friend but also with benefits kind of relationship with Frankie. Like I said in Celia’s paragraph, Lauren has a wonderful chemistry with her. They bounce each other off so incredibly well that they have so much fun onstage and even off stage. And I must say holy crap, Lauren is awesome - I can’t decide which will they give a Tony Award for Best Supporting Actress in A Musical? Celia or Kathryn? Can’t they call it a tie so they can give it to all three of them? In Act Two - she really gave her all and energy which brought the whole house down when singing “You Oughta Know” that we rose on our feet to give her a standing ovation as the song ended. It was so damn powerful. Holy sheeeetz!

Also, I cannot forget everyone in ensemble - they really bring this show alive and go way above the level of energy and perfection. Seriously, this show wouldn’t work without them - their amazing dance and outstanding singing performances, including even them doing the smallest things in the background in several scenes, they did stellar job to bring elevate the show to go where it needs to go. 

I want to say “Jagged Little Pill” is one amazing show. Much as I love RENT the Musical but I dare to say that it’s so much better than RENT. It is even more thrilling after watching back in Cambridge last summer. It involves with lot of diversity dealing with gender identity and the important messages that we see in the news almost every day such as sexual harassment and many other things that are happening in today’s world. It definitely needs to be heard. Diablo Cody’s (won Academy Award Winner for Best Screenplay for “Juno”) outstanding writing and Alanis Morrisette’s music just blends it together so beautifully to create this musical and put it onstage in front of us. From the choreography, the sets, the lights and costumes, and everything in this show - including the cast, I highly believe they will have major success on Broadway for sure. It’s a possible chance that they will make it to award season maybe next year. Seriously, this show is not to miss, please do go see it. It will be worth it!

[mikeywm3]

This is a music story. Give it time, it’ll get there.

WRITING TO REACH YOU:

It’s October 3, 2001 and I’m riding the PATH train to NYC for only the second time in the last 3 weeks. The train has just stopped between the stations of Christopher Street and 9th Street. As we patiently await the train to start moving again, a sudden jerk happens. And then it happens again. A look around the train finds very nervous faces, wondering what’s going to happen next. What happens next is the train eventually starts rolling again and gets to 9th Street without incident. I’ll be getting off a stop later, 14th Street. Still, I’m nervous to be on this train.

The first time I was on the PATH again was a little over a week earlier, September 22 to be exact, riding with my cousin Brian and his wife Dana into NYC. They had joined me prior to that at Mulligans Pub in Hoboken, where I was living at the time (Hoboken, not the pub), to watch a rugby match between Ireland and Scotland. The match started with the playing of each country’s national anthems and then, unbeknownst to me at the time, the American national anthem followed by a moment of silence. I’ve never heard such beautiful silence in a pub before. Ireland lost the match that day, but it didn’t matter. We were out of our apartments, and the Scots always make for a fun match and rivalry. We kinda love each other, as Braveheart had shown. My love for the Scots will come up again. 

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME?

We decided to go into the city afterwards and walk around a bit and get a bite to eat, settling at a Mexican place just off of Washington Square Park. Margaritas, chips and salsa and some quesadillas are quaffed, and soon we are hugging each other and going our opposite directions, thankful to have seen each other and to be able to hug some family. The hug will come just a little bit too soon.

As I’m walking back to the PATH station at 9th Street, I cross through Washington Square Park, a walk I’d been hoping to avoid, but decide it needs to be done. The area around the arch is now like many other areas in downtown NYC, a shrine to the missing. Walls of posters and leaflets of people whose loved ones found the best picture of them that they could find and affixed them to the arch with words like “MISSING” or “HAVE YOU SEEN…” or “LAST SEEN AT…” After about 10 minutes of looking through them all, I decide to begin my journey back to the PATH station, but then one last look captures the face I’d hope to not see: my roommate’s sister, her big smile and bright eyes staring right at me. I’d seen this picture of her before, but only on the leaflets in the apartment I’d been sharing with 3 others.

Our apartment had been ground zero for the family of my roommate, as they were doing the full rounds of hospital visits hoping to find their daughter, their sister, their niece, their cousin. Many of them lived in Pennsylvania and made treks back and forth many times over the ensuing days. I tried to do the best I could to make them comfortable by making sure our apartment was stocked with things they might need: towels, soft drinks, water, clean bed sheets and blankets, etc… Soon after, I didn’t need to do it anymore. They stopped showing up. Their search was over.

My walk back to the PATH station should’ve been no more than 5 minutes, but it will take 20, because this is the first time in 12 days that I’ve been able to have a private moment. I stopped on 9th Street on the steps of a brownstone and sat myself down and lost it. I cried for about 10 minutes. A kind soul walking by with some friends actually came up to me, didn’t say anything, and just put his hand on my shoulder. I touched his hand, looked up at him, took a deep breath and said “Thank you.” Eventually I would make my way back to the PATH and get the train back to Hoboken. Only two stops away, but like my second ride, filled with sudden stops and jerks between stations, terrifying me. This was a time of terror afterall. I worked at Exchange Place in Jersey City at the time and we unfortunately had a direct view of the WTC. I saw most of it, heard all of it. A lot of terror. My ride ends in Hoboken, and I randomly run into my friends Ann & Steve (in town from Massachusetts), Doug and Maria outside of the station. They’re about to go to the city and pay respects at the shrines and vigils set up in Union Square park. And for the second time in 25 minutes, I melt down and throw myself into their arms.

LAST TRAIN

I’m getting off at 14th Street in order to meet up with my friend Jo, where she is having dinner with some mutual friends. She and I will be attending the Travis concert at Radio City Music Hall that night. This will be the first concert/gig that I’ve been to in the last three weeks. If you knew me then, I was probably going to about 10 shows during that same time frame. We meet at a place called Chat and Chew, and this is the first time I’ve seen Jo or our friends in the last three weeks. Pleasantries are exchanged as are the questions of “How are you holding up?” to each other. It might have been the first time that I said I was alright but that, of course, was a lie. I wanted a return to normalcy that wasn’t going to happen, but dammit, this concert tonight is going to be a step towards that, right?

We get to our seats at Radio City, where the opening act is a band called Remy Zero. In all honesty, I don’t remember anything about their set that night, including if we were even there to see any of it. Remy Zero was a band that, during that time frame, seemed to be the opening act for almost every Britpop band that was on tour at that time. Supergrass? Remy Zero opened. Morrissey? Yup, them again. No disprespect to them, they just didn’t make too much of an indent in my musical psyche.

ALL I WANNA DO IS ROCK

Soon the lights are dimming and Travis is about to take the stage to what seemed like polite golf claps. It wasn’t that the audience were unappreciative of them. We just didn’t know how to react anymore. Am I allowed to dance? To sing? To show joy? Are we allowed to have fun anymore? What do I do? This was a dilemma that even New York institutions such as Saturday Night Live and David Letterman were struggling to deal with. All I wanna do is rock! Can I? The answer: Yes, you can, but it’ll take some time. Let it ease in.The first smile occurred as the band took the stage and walked to the front of it and did something I’ve never seen at the beginning of a show before: They gave US a standing ovation. The four of them, for a good 30 seconds, just happy to see our faces, knowing that for some of us this was our first attempt at something lighthearted in the last 21 days, applauding the audience.

“We’re so happy to see your faces. We know a lot of events were cancelled around here, but there was no way we were going to cancel this show. We’re here to try to put some smiles back on your faces tonight and are so glad to be here.”These words are paraphrased, but essentially was the message from Fran Healy, Travis’s lead singer, and for the moment, I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he COULD put a smile back on my face. And then the show started with ‘Sing’ the first single from their latest album “The Invisible Band,” and Fran and Travis had already done it. I smiled. Also, I sang.

SING

And sing more I did. For the uninitiated, Travis started as a very Britpoppy, guitar based band, before giving way to their emo side and melancholy to write some rather lush and fuller songs. They’ve often been referred to as Radiohead-lite, particularly given their association with producer Nigel Goodrich. An unfortunate tag, I think. They were Coldplay before there was a Coldplay, and I mean that as a positive, irregardless of your feelings about Coldplay.

The set continued with selections from their three album catalog, many tugging at my heartstrings, but even allowing me to sorta dance a bit. Example: their biggest hit, “Why Does It Always Rain On Me,” obviously has a title straight out of the Morrissey songbook, but also a song construct from the Smiths canon: lyrics that hit the emotional buttons of sadness, self doubt and worth (“Even when the sun is shining, I can’t avoid the lightning”), yet a rhythm and melody that allows for happiness, including a chorus that, every time I’ve seen Travis, has led to me, the rest of the audience and Fran to pogo dance. Yes, the show started with me singing and the main set ended with me dancing.

HAPPY

The encore started with a song that was the general feeling that I was hoping to attain from seeing this show, “All I Wanna Do Is Rock,” a foot-stomping, fist-pumping rocker from their first album. And those two things I did. A faithful cover of ‘All The Young Dudes’ followed before Fran and the boys decided to bring tears back to our face, but this time they were good tears. Fran stated that they’d spent part of the day at Ground Zero volunteering, and that every single penny from the show was being donated to one of the WTC funds. I love these Scots. Oh, did I happen to mention that Travis are from Scotland? I told you it would come up again.

And then as if they knew that the setlist that they’d put together was a musical therapy session for 5,500 people who needed it, they closed the show with a rocking song from their first album with the perfect title of “Happy.” And it was probably therapeutic for Travis as well, as the chorus over and over sings “I’m so happy, that you’re so happy.” And for the first time in a while, I was closer to that feeling. A few weeks later, U2 would play 5 fantastic shows (I was at three of them) at Madison Square Garden and receive rightful praise for bringing the right balance of levity and music to a sad city. You may have heard that a lot of cops and firemen are Irish.  Yeah, a lot of them needed those shows. And they got it.

But for me, it all started with this Travis show. The show ended and Jo and I walked out into the night, knowing we had just had a great therapy session. A kiss and a hug goodnight, and a train ride back to Hoboken for me followed. This time I would get on the PATH train at 33rd Street, the end of the PATH line. The station was emptier than I was used to, as this was still early in the return to normalcy process.

The train left the station and I couldn’t help but feeling a little happier than I’d been. But I was also feeling a tremendous sense of guilt, knowing I was returning to an apartment where my roommate’s return to normalcy would never actually be achieved. Nor would it be for me, but nowhere near what he was going through. My guilt was then jolted by the train suddenly stopping between 23rd street and 14th street. And then a sudden jerk. And then a brief return to a feeling of terror. But then a reminder of this being the PATH train. This happens all the time. It’s normal. A new normalcy.

For BS and CS