#and gluten messes me up every time

[avesblues2]

Coming of age actually means you somehow can't tolerate dairy and gluten anymore

[tpwk-formula1]

Can I have gluten-free pizza with red sauce, olives, sprite and apple Juice for Lewis Hamilton?

Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu

gluten-free crust enemies to lovers red sauce rough sex "Swallow every last bit. NOW!" sprite size kink apple juice pain kink dessert no served by Lewis Hamilton

TW - face fucking, hair pulling, face slap (once), cum swallowing

WC 500+

Y/N POV

"Get your ass in my room now," Lewis seethes through clenched teeth. I just roll my eyes before attempting to walk into my hotel room away from Lewis and his rough hands. Lewis and I had a weird relationship. Most of the time we cannot stand each other but then occasionally Lewis and I will use one another to destress and get our frustrations out on each other, and today was gonna be one of those days.

"I said now," Lewis says while gripping my hair and pulling me back into his hotel room before he releases my hair and borderline tosses me onto the floor.

"Just stop fucking fighting it and it would make it all easier," Lewis says while unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down along with his briefs before he grips my hair again and forced his large length into my mouth.

"Fuck, I love using this mouth," Lewis says while roughly fucking into my face making me gag around his cock trying to pull back to breathe properly which only makes Lewis push more into my mouth making me take his full length before he holds me against his cock cutting off all of my airflow for roughly 10 seconds before he pulls completely out of my mouth leaving me to cough and gasp for air before he pushes back into my mouth and repeating the same actions.

"Fuck," Lewis groans while speeding up his thrusts making me continuously gag and cry around his cock before he pulls out and allows me a few seconds to gain my breath again.

"You love this don't you?" Lewis asks with a smirk on his face making me look up at him with hooded eyes.

"Yes sir," I admit softly before Lewis is pushing his cock back into my mouth and fucking my face once again.

I could feel my spit and tears destroying the makeup I had done earlier in the day leaving me to be a hot mess at the hands of Lewis.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," Lewis says roughly before ripping his cock out of my throat again making me gasp for air when Lewis slaps my face making me whimper at the sudden pain. It wasn't a hard hit by any means but it was hard enough to shock me.

Once my breathing has evened out for the most part Lewis pushes his cock back into my mouth and starts fucking my face before he pushes all the way in and starts cumming down my throat as I'm left gagging around Lewis's large length.

"Swallow every last bit. NOW!," Lewis says while softly fucking my face to ride his orgasm out. Once Lewis pulls his cock out of my mouth I swallow the rest of his cum before I grip his cock and lick it clean from all of his cum.

"Fuck, you always do so well when I use that mouth of yours," Lewis says with a smirk while pulling me up and into his arms.

[beemovieerotica]

hey can you tell me how you got tested for OCD and/or started to think you had it?

yeeeess so it was literally 2018 when i was like "hm maybe i have OCD" to my therapist (who was not specialized in this) and she did not disagree with me and everything kind of clicked in that session between us when we both simultaneously realized a lot of my behaviors could be explained that way.

the hardest thing was that i'd already been diagnosed with generalized anxiety so like. "yes i obsess over conversations i've had or will have and repeat things over and over in my head" "yes i constantly check to make sure things are okay" "yes i hyperanalyze and hypercriticize myself" all got wrapped up in that.

i think the behavior that i actually brought up with that therapist that precipitated the realization was i started vacuuming a corner of my room repeatedly like over the course of several weeks, every day. just obsessively vacuuming this corner because i kept finding tiny cat litter crystals there from a previous tenant. i'd be literally picking it out of the carpet with my fingers with my head parallel to the floor just staring and trying to find these things for like an hour at a time. colossal waste of time. but it was "important." and i was finally like...THIS is excessive, right?

but i do a lot of things that are the opposite of "classic" OCD which confused me for YEARS - like i genuinely have such poor food hygiene and don't care about bodily fluids, i love touching sticky things, my personal things are poorly organized, my room was always a mess, etc etc.

i got officially evaluated when i went in for the psilocybin study (beginning of this year) where i met an OCD specialist for the first time who did this complete battery of questions with me. there were things i never realized were OCD for me:

very obsessed with parasitic insects and constantly checking for bedbugs and fleas even when i have no reason to suspect these things

constantly re-reading everything i write. 5x. 10x. saying whole sentences over and over in my head. the sentence is fine, i didn't make a mistake, but i just have to keep reading it to be 1000% sure.

rubbing my scalp a lot and pulling out random hairs on my legs, eyebrows, eyelashes

over-explaining so fucking much to be absolutely sure i'm not misunderstood or that someone can read bad intentions into what i'm saying. "predicting" conversations and anticipating entire lines of questioning and how i would defend myself. lol.

intrusive horror film-esque thoughts

being terrified as a child that i would be possessed by a demon if i yawned too wide - i had other extremely irrational superstitions that i would force on myself and try to live by for no reason, these started at like age 10

obsessions around my health (orthorexia, i've ping-ponged between various diets like vegan / gluten-free / vegetarian thinking that it would help me)

only ever felt normal when drinking. like i could just let go of the compulsions and anxiety while drunk.

it was really hard to even parse a lot of this out being 1) already anxious, 2) raised very religious, and 3) BOTH my parents and my older sister have OCD, so all this was just normal!! my mom also pulled out her hair. my mom and my sister also had eating disorders and very weird attitudes around medicine. superstitions and moral scrupulosity were encouraged in our community. i had no reason to think that any of this could all be linked back to an actual disorder.

i really wish i'd had intervention at least a decade or more earlier. this started when i was in grade school at least. it sucks. so much of the public perception of OCD is centered on the classic symmetry / cleanliness / hand-washing shit. it did not help that my family loved watching Monk when i was growing up so i was like "oh, i'm not like THAT" and never questioned it.

i think(?) i might go to the big OCD conference happening in the states next year, not sure, but i really want to talk to people about psilocybin. idk let me know if you have any other questions, i'm still processing a lot of this.

[httpvomitello]

Hi would it be okay to request a Rottmnt with a female reader who makes pastries or maybe works a some kind of pastry shop 🍰

Hello, hello! Hope you like a it ~ ♡♡♡♡

Pastry Shop *⁠.⁠✧

Shows up to your pastry shop all the time (not when people are inside, of course)

He’s not even subtle about it—he acts like it’s a casual visit, but everyone knows he’s there for you (and maybe for the pastries)

“Oh, hey, Y/N. Fancy meeting you here… at your workplace… again.” Cue his cheeky grin

Always “samples” whatever you’re baking

He’s the type to ask, “Do you need a taste-tester? Because I’m highly qualified.”

Pretends to have sophisticated taste in desserts. “Hmm, the balance of sweetness in this éclair is truly exquisite.”

But really, he’ll eat anything you make

“For me? Your favorite customer? C’mon, don’t act like I’m not your favorite.”

At first, he’s a little shy about coming by

But once he realizes how much you love baking, he’s all in

He always compliments your creations, even if it’s just a simple cupcake. “This is amazing, Y/N. You’re really talented.”

Buys way more pastries than he can eat, just to support you(he started saving money just for that)

His brothers constantly find random boxes of cookies and cakes in the lair

Always offers to help you carry heavy supplies, like bags of flour or crates of ingredients

“No way you’re lifting that on your own. Let me.”

You caught him sneaking one of your pastries into his pocket for later, and now he’s forever known as “the pastry thief.”

Doesn’t understand the appeal of pastries at first

He’s more of a “function over flavor” kind of guy, but he’s fascinated by the science behind baking

Spends a whole afternoon in your kitchen asking questions about how different ingredients work. “Wait, so gluten development affects the structure of bread? Fascinating.”

Invents gadgets to make your life easier, like a faster mixer or a temperature-controlled rolling pin

“With this, you’ll have the most consistent dough in the city!”

You catch him sneaking into your shop late at night to try and reverse-engineer your recipes

When you confront him, he denies everything. “I was… conducting research!”

His favorite thing to order is whatever you made just for him

He insists it’s purely because of your skill, but you know he loves the personal touch.

The biggest hype man for your baking

Every time he tries something you’ve made, it’s “THE BEST THING I’VE EVER TASTED.”

Wants to help in the kitchen but always makes a mess

Flour ends up everywhere, and you have to shoo him out before he burns something

Calls you “his personal pastry chef,” even if you’ve told him a million times that you bake for everyone, not just him

Has a massive sweet tooth and keeps begging you to make custom desserts based on his wild ideas

“Okay, hear me out—pizza-flavored cupcakes!”

Brings your pastries back to the lair and brags to his brothers about how talented you are. “Y/N’s the best baker in the world! You guys are missing out.”

[sassyfrassboss]

Apparently Meghan goes ballistic when Archie and Lili get even the slightest mark or dirt on them that their nannies are constantly bathing them both and changing their clothes repeatedly throughout the day so that Meghan won’t go off at them AND the kids. My cousin actually used to work for them in an area without a NDA but now works for a much better family in the area with much better connections…

The kids are only allowed in a certain area of the house alone, they are not allowed to eat or drink in certain areas of the house, the dogs are not allowed in the house and any instances that either child or dog has been it is just for show and kids aren’t allowed to play with any of the dogs.

The kids follow a strict diet of everything being free - vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, nut-free fat-free and organic foods are only to be given to them. Lollipops are sugar free and organic, Archie is said to hate them but eats them because they’re candy and fun looking. None of them get anything sticky or that can spill or melt like ice cream, that whole story about Archie in the car getting picked up was utter baloney.

At school as well Archie freaks out about getting dirty or doing anything messy. He likes getting out in the garden at home but the whole Archie and his chicken story is also baloney, it’s just Meghan wanting to compete with how outdoorsy the Wales kids are and how they have animals. Archie and Lili are only allowed to be around the chickens if it’s photo-op time. But back to Archie at school, he doesn’t like sharing and steals other kids lunch items from them because it’s something he wants and looks better than the gruel he gets from home.

Meghan is desperately wanting Archie to be known as Prince while at school but the board and heads disagreed but all of his items have HRH Prince Archie labelled on them and it’s also known that Meghan doesn’t allow him to have any friends that she hasn’t approved and won’t allow him to play with them. Archie doesn’t talk about home often though and doesn’t speak about Lili, and neither Harry or Meghan pick him up from school, it is a burly big man who chauffeurs the children and their nannies around.

Harry does spend a lot of time away from home and Meghan has a lot of parties, when this happens Archie and Lili are sent to the cottage to sleep and be. When Meghan is drunk she is combative and she is angry so staff usually lock the gates and don’t let her out the estate.

Doria is such a bitch and is literally so degrading towards everyone even Harry and the kids. She is no happy go lucky grandmother and like Meghan feels Archie and Lili should be seen and not heard and basically be perfect statues nonstop that do not misbehave or not do what they are told. The whole salt and pepper together is the tip of the iceberg as if Archie and now Lili don’t do anything exactly how Meghan wants, and Doria wants then they are punished. But it’s also staff too, a maid was fired because she didn’t clean exactly how Meghan wanted. Nannies are belittled and basically abused by Meghan and work basically 24/7 every day.

My cousin says that Meghan has got no friends in Montecito and she has become Public Enemy Number One because she won’t stop flirting with husbands, this is one of the reasons why David Foster doesn’t want anything to do with her. Meghan apparently had something going on with a Russian man who is linking them up with South Africa, interviewing Putin etc. Nacho’s wife hates her too btw, pwife as Delfina says now means puta wife.

HOT TEA ALERT

None of this really surprises me, except for the kids having to be tidy and clean because there for a while Meghan looked like a hot mess every appearance she made...

[mamamittens]

Oh, Sweet Child of Mine (Pt. 6)

Platonic Yandere Whitebeard Crew & Reader-Insert

Main|First|Previous

Warnings: References to past drugging and implied violence/offscreen death. Platonic Yandere behavior is still present, but more in the background for this chapter.

If yandere content in any way disturbs you, please do block the tag "oh sweet child of mine" as well as the appropriate variations of "yandere one piece". Do not tolerate this behavior in real life.

Stay safe and have fun.

Hopefully the next update will be a bit longer before we get to the actual plot of this whole storyline. If you have any desired character interactions among the Whitebeard Crew before the fruit incident, please let me know cause I've only got about one more update in me before that otherwise.

Word Count: 1,520

On the third day Marco apparently forgave Twin-Blade for his ‘tea transgression’—not that you did—and decided it was alright for him to meet you properly.

Twin-Blade, despite his reputation as a commander and chef on the Moby Dick, was probably the biggest goofball you’ve ever met. Undeniably charming in a practiced way that felt almost natural until he slipped up and revealed he was actually a bit of a dweeb. And very concerned about your food intake. Something about not being a healthy weight for his liking. Truthfully, you just… weren’t comfortable eating too much food after drinking what you thought was innocent tea. So anytime you did eat and he happened to be keeping an eye on you, you ate less as a precaution.

Marco noticed and had taken to smacking Twin-Blade’s head when he spent too long looking in your direction. Though certainly too old for it, he whined and cried to his nearest brother for Marco’s cruelty. Once he even tried to console himself by hugging you but your expression of distaste just made him cry for real. You’d feel bad but…

He did drug your tea once. Once is more than enough in your book.

On the fifth day you’d been tentatively allowed to eat in the mess hall with the rest of the crew as opposed to in the kitchens under Marco’s unnervingly attentive eye. He still visibly preened when you addressed him and had yet to correct you about anyone else’s title—you suspect as a bragging point but thinking too hard on the matter weirded you out.

Regardless, you found yourself grateful that you didn’t eat near Fire Fist. The way the young man shoveled food into his mouth and aggressively went to stab anyone reaching too close to his plate was horrifying. The meat and potatoes stood no chance under his ravenous appetite despite having a plate three times as stacked as anyone else. There was pie for dessert as well, and usually you’d be all for it, but Twin-Blade seemed keen to know your reaction to the treat. Almost as glutenous as Fire Fist, the man seated next to you was trying to cajole his opposing seat mate for his dessert.

Large and with many braids in his pitch-black beard and hair, he laughed every time he was denied in good nature. His dark eyes met yours and he grinned cheerfully.

“Zehahahaha~! You going to eat that?” He pointed to the still untouched plate of cherry pie. You grimaced, glancing at Twin-Blade from several tables over.

“I think Twin-Blade would cry if I didn’t…” You paused for only a moment before sliding the dessert to the pirate. “Have at it.”

He cackled loudly but didn’t think twice about eating the slice.

“Zehahahaha! Now that’s cold to our poor commander! What did he do to you, marine?” He winked, polishing off the plate with clear satisfaction.

You looked at Twin-Blade, his expression crestfallen as he laid his head onto Flintlock Pistol’s shoulder. The immaculately dressed man seemed to roll his eyes and give you a dry look. Clearly blaming you for his current predicament. You smiled back.

“He knows what he did.”

You didn’t want to be here. The least they could do was let you have small victories to yourself. Fire Fist suddenly shoved himself in beside you, arm resting over your shoulder as he scooped up what little you hadn’t eaten yet.

“He really is sorry, you know.” Fire Fist murmured between bites, catching you as your nose wrinkled in distaste.

“It’s the principle of the matter, Fire Fist.” You huffed, finding yourself awkward crammed between Fire Fist’s too hot body and the man that liked cherry pie a lot.

A heavy hand thumped you back as he laughed.

“Zehahahaha! Let them give Commander Thatch a hard time for a bit. I think he’s enjoying having an excuse to be dramatic for once.” He laughed. “I’m Teach, by the way! Zehahaha!”

He was an awful jolly sort of pirate, wasn’t he?

“And call me Ace already! Marco’s been so mean lately about you only using his name. What’d he do to earn that, anyhow?”

You huffed, cheeks hot as you grumbled.

“… he’s a very pretty bird.”

That sent the entire table into a fit of laughter. Fire Fist choked on his own laughter.

“W-Would you forgive him if he wore cat ears?” Fire Fist cackled.

You couldn’t help but glance at the man in question. Cat ears, huh?

You stopped breathing, your lips pressed together in a firm line as you fought against the sheer ridiculousness of the image that appeared in your head.

They’re pirates!

They kidnapped you!

You are a marine on a Yonko ship!

Wearing cat ears to make up for drugging your tea means nothing!

…

…

…Would he wear it on his head or the top of his pompadour?

Your body shook, sounds of concern growing around you as you covered your face. Desperate to hide the wide grin at the mental image. The worst part is that you’re not convinced that he wouldn’t do it by now either.

“H-Hey, it’s alright! I-I’m sorry?!” Ace whispered desperately, rubbing your back.

You snorted, giggling breathlessly as your glasses fogged up. Tears in your eyes as you laughed uncontrollably. Distantly, you wondered if this is what a mental breakdown felt like. The stress from your situation finally cracking you like an egg. Not quite round the bend for crazy town, you shook your head.

“I-It wouldn’t h-help! Ahah~snck!” You whispered breathlessly, smacking Ace’s hands away as you tried to bury your face in your arms. Anytime you managed to regain control it was ruined by looking at Ace’s beaming grin. “S-Stop looking at me like tha-aat~! Snck-gh~!”

“I don’t know… you seem to think it’s pretty funny~” Ace cooed as you shook your head.

“Ssshuut up! Shut up!” You cried out, wiping your eyes and gasping for air. After several more moments you finally manged to calm down. Only to look at Ace with a wobbly smile. “Do you think he’d wear it on his pompadour?”

Ace froze. His face growing red as he glanced at Twin-Blade and back at you several times.

Finally, he cracked, sending you both into hysterics again.

“See! Look, Izooouu! They are laughing at me!” You heard Twin-Blade cry out from across the room as you collapsed against Ace’s side. The logia user wheezing with tears in his eyes.

Not even Whitebeard joining in with his own laughter could ruin the moment.

You hadn’t laughed this hard in ages. All your marine comrades either too distant, busy, or dicks to joke around with.

You snagged a newspaper to hide your face better. Foggy glasses obscuring the headline about a ‘crackdown of justice’ in Paradise with brutal and swift executions.

Distantly, you wondered if your superiors had some sort of plan to rescue you or if they’d given up. It wasn’t just any crew that had you, after all.

--*--

“I’m afraid that right now we can’t afford to directly confront Whitebeard, I’m sorry—” Sengoku was cut off by a fist driving into the wall of his office. He glared at the younger man, knuckles white before he relaxed. Taking a deep breath before continuing. “I understand your frustration. But they can’t drift at sea forever. Eventually they’ll have to dock. We can stage a rescue once we have better intelligence on their movements. You are dismissed.”

The chair was violently thrown back as the man stormed out, teeth clenched as he hissed out a bitter acknowledgement.

The temperature of his office took quite some time to right itself despite the open door and windows.

Sengoku looked over at the Ensign’s file again and sighed before closing it shut and putting it away.

He hoped that the young marine was alright. While Whitebeard had a much more… benevolent reputation, he was still a pirate. And the marine had quite the impressive devil fruit to exploit. He almost asked Garp to retrieve them but didn’t want to risk a powered-up Yonko crew retaliating against his old friend—even if Garp would find it a fun sport. Who knew what kind of things Whitebeard would be capable of with his devil fruit even more powerful? He shuddered to think about it. Let alone the many other devil fruits on the Yonko crew.

He'd just have to have faith that a more subtle approach would work. They couldn’t risk putting out a ‘alive only’ bounty to rescue the marine. Too many questions. And if the other Yonko get word before they are safely secured with their originally planned partner, it could throw the entire Grand Line into chaos. Sengoku shuddered to think of what things Charlotte Linlin or Kaido could be capable of with more power. At least Whitebeard hasn’t seen fit to take over an entire country.

Sengoku would just take what he could get at this point… and look for faster, quiet solutions to his problem before a loose canon burns through the Grand Line to solve it himself.

[liggy-not-potter]

intro

hello :3 i’m liggy, i go by she/her pronouns, i’m 14 (a minor, don’t be creepy), acespec and possibly arospec. if you follow me i will most likely refer to you as my child out of a mom friend habit.

hobbies

i’m a freaking nerd, so book and movie recs are welcome! i’m in a lot of fandoms, so i probably can’t list them all here. harry potter, both canon era and marauders (fuck jkr) and the fanfic i’m writing where harry has a sister no one knew abt. (posting that on ao3). legendborn by tracy deonn, percy jackson (i’m not done with it so no spoilers please), mcu, the owl house, gravity falls, amphibia

i write songs and poetry, i play piano, ukulele, violin and guitar i like drawing but i’m not very good at it all the time, i have thousands of failed art pieces.

dni

the usual. if you discriminate against any minorities or hate people solely because of a group they belong to (religion/lack thereof, race, sexuality, gender orientation)

random shit about liggy

i have a gluten intolerance meaning i can’t have anything containing wheat, and i make jokes about it. well, brie does most the joking.

i have adhd and most likely a hint of something else neurodivergent. i’m a mess, but at least i’m not boringly neurotypical ur local owl (do not ask questions) i’m a minor so don’t be creepy, i don’t care abt interacting with adults as long as you aren’t being a creep i refer to myself in the third person sometimes, get the fuck over it gryffindor - enfp - scorpio

the rats (my moots) @jamespotterbbg — kay — my first moot, chaotic, mentally ill as the rest of this site, is the reason i’ve even interacted with half of these people @garden-of-runar — runaround — talented poet, fellow defender of bagels, absolutely and entirely concerning, you’ll never know her next move @melonhead10 — wife of mine — silly little rat, one of the only people on here i know irl, rarely online bc strict parents, if she is online it’s to look at shiny duo and tangled the series @eef-stars — british ethan — the gay dad friend of this whole hellsite. king of deactivating and coming back out of nowhere. happily in love with @kawaiibarty @kawaiibarty — james the baked bean — short, gay and irresponsible. has too many doggies but we don’t care bc doggies are great. changes his url every two seconds. in love with @eef-stars @tequilaqueen — bea — possibly an alcoholic, you’ll never know. hates bagels and commits war crimes. @picklerab23 — dill — lives in a jar on a shelf in a grocery store in wales. speaks in consonants and y’s. @crowleys-mortalcounterpart — brie — my child. genderfluid lesbian variant of remus lupin. descendant of the scottish. some unknown flavor of neurodivergent. i also know them irl. @0urazz — satan — brie’s sister and my daughter. chaos incarnate, addicted to regretevator and some other random ass roblox games. one step away from being gen alpha. the attention span and brain capacity of a grain of rice. violently affectionate. ik her irl as well @thejudeduarte — jude — cruel prince and legendborn fan. really nice and sometimes chaotic. @iamaladder — stepladder (ethan’s version) — chaotic aarakocra boi, old crusty man (in other words a year older than me) another person i know irl @thestrawberryapologist — mari — purchaser of jams, very goofy, does silly sitcom rp with me, recently returned to tumblr after disappearing on us

(if u want to be added ask me, i just gotta save it)

interactions

blow up my ask box, tag me on stuff, and message me all you want. i love being on here and talking to people and making friends <3

my pinterest poetry side blog: @liggy-attempts-poetry ask game: here ask game 2: here moodboard on banner is a collage on my pinterest

my tags: liggy rambles: all my random ass posts liggy found an ask: i answer asks liggy attempts to sing: i sing liggy attempts poetry: my (likely reblogged from side-blog) poetry nonsense liggy special: i most likely did something fucking stupid jam murder sitcom: a silly sitcom thing i do with mari to the queue you go motherfucker: my queued posts, likely because i’m out of townliggy rambles in the tags: i rant to everyone and no one in the tags

[bloogers-boogers]

I truly believe Kyle is a chubby chaser, the episode were he supposedly started ‘realizing’ (i still don’t believe he actually liked her like that) his feelings for Heidi she was already gaining weight, a chubby girl.

He’s into smart girls (rebecca) thats for a fact, cute (nichole; she’s smart but she was a new girl when Kyle asked her out so he didn’t know her like that), someone he can protect/help (Leslie) and lastly he’s shown to not care about a girl’s weight unlike *cough cough* Butters im still not over what he said to lisa boi got no filter (atleast he was honest ig)💀

Heidi had all those qualities! (Smart, cute, need protection/help and~ chubby)

You know who’s also smart? Cartman (he can be stupid and very ignorant in many things, but boi got brains when he sets a goal in mind)

Cute? Cartman (As much as we hate to admit it, the boy got that charming look, he literally manipulated chutulu with his ‘cuteness’)

Need of protection/help? Cartman (boy is messed up as it is, It’s obvious he needs help but he also needs someone to guide him in the right path/ be the one to give him that push for change (I’d say a ‘light push', but it’s gonna be a rough ride being fr here), but most importantly also someone he’ll actually listen; Kyle. Believe it or not Cartman does listen to Kyle and he also is the first Cartman looks firstly for reassurance (like in gluten free and in jewpacabra). Cartman never takes Kyle's word for granted.

We’ve seen Kyle protect him from snooki, save his ass by being frozen and drowned. (Kyle has a weak spot every time he sees a vulnerable Eric Cartman).

Chubby? Cartman (we all know he’s from a heavier scale than the rest of the boys but we’re shown Kyle doesn’t seem to care about that superficial stuff)

You cannot tell me most of the kids in that school aren’t shallow they literally have a table that separates the ugly kids from them. But Kyle has been shown to look into more in the depths of a person (getting to know them) things like that than superficial. Like the times the boys were complimenting the girls photoshop pictures and Kyle mentions about Annies eyes being beautiful while the others were talking about their physics.

These are all things Kyle is seen interested in a girl for what I gathered watching the show.

And we return to what i mean when I say Kyle is/possibly could be a chubby chaser. Theirs a trait about kids resembling their parents in some ways

Stan got addiction problems like his dad, he got them image/ego issues too, he actually kinda resembles Randy alot in the deep learning/ post covid episode/specials when it comes to his relationship with Wendy or his pessimistic attitude. I only conclude from this is that Wendy is Stan's 'Sharon' an Stan is Wendy's 'Randy'.

And it confirms for me with the last episode of season 26 when Randy calls Sharon cause he's just a wreck with out her, just like in the post covid special good ending Stan and Wendy meet up and seem to have a sorta thing still going on (she isn't even with that Darwin guy either, atleast he wasn't shown).

He’s very emotional and cares deeply for things that matter to him, he definitely got that from his mother (the school shooting ep we’re shown how emotionally wrecked sharon was bc of it but no one else seemed to care not even Stan himself, and just like with the whales no one else seem to care BUT Stan and that pissed him off)

Also, let's not shrug off the fact that Randy and Sharon marital problems have been a thing since the early seasons. There was points when they divorced/seperated two times (three house, assburgers episode), points were their marriage was on breaking points like with the shakeweight episode or times when we taught it'll be finally over between the two (when Randy was sent to jail) and in post covid good ending he's shown to still be apart of Stan's life and I wouldn't be surprised if both actually kept it together for this exact consistency.

Matt and Trey have a thing to keep adult parings with an interesting dynamics, it isn't all sweet and sugar coated, they tend to show these issues in many other marriages of sp aswell.

Like Kenny's parents (abusive alcoholics/ argue all the time), Butters (closeted man/ sad pyscho wife/ strict parents), Cartman's (single crack whore mom/ deadbeat absent dad (decease now)/ lonely and financially struggling while raising a psycho kid) and even Kyle's (asshole dad/ overbearing mother/ have intimacy issues).

Kenny, he resembles his parents, yes he does. The fact that he likes to get high (frustrated and gets angry/doesn't care, once his already influenced deep in it; cat piss, sexual healing ep) We've seen he's willing to push his friends aside when his already lost into that type of crap or cares little of what his family would go through once he technically kills himself for some 'great' orgasm or being giving a blow job (these are reasons for his curse ofcourse cause he knows he'll come back, but still, his addiction and attitude are still the same throughout the show) and is a porn addict (the magazines, and sexual knowledge he knows for his age).

We've seen these qualities in both his parents.

They don't care being seen drinking or taking crack, like Kenny who doesn't care to be seen by his friends getting high with cat piss. They're very oblivious/don't care about the worries their children go through when they get into it, Kenny doesn't care. I mean c'mon, once he was done with the cat piss he didn't learn his lesson there he straight up went to get high with some flowers infront of his already relieved friends back to square one getting them concerned again.

I suppose we could say he got addiction problems just like Stan, but in a different way. Stan's more of a genetic thing because of his family history/ depression. Kenny on the other side is more of the shitty household he lives in, a copping mechanism.

And Cartman resembles his mom in the artistic side. We're shown that both Liane and Cartman love to sing, Liane also likes to paint. Cartman is more of a photography lover, drawing, singing, song writer, instruments (violin, harmonica) these are all artistic qualities.

Liane is manipulative with the magic of pampering and food. Cartman is manipulative with a sugarcoating voice and has skill on knowing what would get somebody convinced.

And I have a suspicion that Jack Tenorman was some narcissistic lying bastard okay? If he cheated on his wife and was willing to lie about his true identity to his sad desperate son who just wanted to know who his dad was just for a broncos game, then he ain't good.

I'm gonna mention these, just cause these are the few couples I recall being shown in the show.

Tweeks; they're coffee addicts/ seem to be caring and understanding (sorta). (He's very emotional/caring, and a very stressful/nervous kid because of his anxiety/coffee addiction)

Tuckers; they got that same 'I don't give a fuck' attitude literally flipping themselves off at the table. (Craig definitely resembles his dad the most, and in post covid his appearance aswell)

Blacks; they're chill people don't seem to want to get into much trouble. (Tolkien doesn't like to get into conflicts he'd rather chill on the sidelines)

Donovans; dad is passive, while his mother was a little overbearing. (Clyde can be passive/emotional on times but they're times he goes overboard like in the stick of truth game)

Now, with that said, it's Kyle's turn. We've been countless times reminded how Kyle resembles his mother the most. But when it comes to Gerald were only told that he looks like him. Atleast I don't recall anything else.

Kyle's parents are very opened when it comes to talking, experimenting. Have you seen how Sheila always ready to talk to Kyle about things he doesn't know? Or how comfortable she is talking to Gerald freely, that even Gerald had admitted to her that he likes to watch porn on his computer? How Gerald let Sheila have her way with chef (chef aid ep.)

It's shown their relationship is the strongest/ got their shit together among the four main parents. But ofcourse it's not perfect.

Gerald has this fear of pissing off Sheila, and Sheila well, as much as she's a good mother. She's overbearing and can go all crazy.

Qualities Kyle has. He fears his mom's wrath but also is the most similar to her.

He isn't like his dad who's some manipulative asshole behind his wife's back. Kyle's caring and wants what's right but has a temper so he kinda goes overboard and messes up sometimes.

This is were I come to the conclusion, that he may resemble Gerald in the fact that his in love with someone many wouldn't choose.

Like in the ups episode there was a ongoing joke that 'damn someone was willing to do it with Kyle's mom' type of joke.

Kyle's mom is overweight so the joke could be mostly aim from there, but if you think of it clearly. Many are afraid of pissing her off because of her 'bitchy' attitude. And she also has a past of being well, from Jersey.

Now. She's overweight in both that time and now, and I wouldn't be surprised that in the times we're she lived in jersey she was a complete bitch by the picture were shown in a jersey thing episode. She seem disastrous back then.

So meeting Gerald changed her. Gerald fell in love even when she was like that; a 'jersey monster'. They moved to South park and got away from that place, and Sheila has mellowed down from those jersey genes. I have no doubt he probably found that personality hot and thrilling at the time, he probably likes that sorta thing tbh. I feel like Gerald was a dweeb back in those college years, focusing on his carrier and stuff, taking things serious, being very uptight in a sense. Something I feel Sheila would be interested in, someone different, opposite of her. Cause we know she didn’t like that jersey in her but she couldn’t help it and being around other jersey folks just worsen her so it was inevitable for Gerald to stand out from the crowd. He was different. And for Gerald she was different; probably not the type of girl he’d pictured himself being with, yet still did.

(I also hc Sheila not being Jewish she was Christian until she met Gerald and got a wider view/ got closer to the religion falling in love with it.)

Being drawn to each other like opposite magnets.

And well, that redhead with brunette theory going on if u know you know;)

I feel I can resemble this with Kyle and Cartman. Cartman is disastrous, he’s a mess. And somehow Kyle's drawn to it, Cartman is a person not many would choose but I feel Kyle would. He’ll fall in love with both crazy Cartman and redeemed Cartman, cause i genuinely cant see anyone else help Cartman actually change for the better that isn’t Kyle (atleast to get a good ending for all main 4).

Cartman has also been shown to be in a mixture of being confused/ conflicted on what to believe when it comes to religion; switching between Chatolic, Christianity and Judaism it's been like that through the course of the show. Out of the four it's him and Kyle who are only shown to question their religion/ beliefs. It kinda feels like the show is trying to imply something?

And i also don’t picture their relationship to be all cute, it’s a well balanced relationship between healthy and toxic. If that makes sense?

Kinda like Gerald and Sheila’s, they’re not perfect but they balance each other out and yet even with those imperfections they’re still so in love with each other.

They also make a good dynamic.

Qualities i see a kyman relationship being.

Its funny to see Sheila being a bitch just like it’s funny to see Kyle be all pissy. Gerald is an manipulative ass? Guess who’s also a way worse manipulative asshole, yet still funny af and brings humor to the show? Cartman

It's funny to see Gerald be scared shitless of his wife just as funny when we see how scared Cartman is to actually piss Kyle off.

Kyle and Cartman are the perfect mixture of both.

But in personalities; Kyle his mother and Cartman Kyle's dad. Atleast relationship wise and how I feel the pairing dynamics work.

Cartman being Kyle's "Gerald" and Kyle being Cartman's "Sheila".

Technically the main dads (main fours) are the boys insight of what could be of their future partners, atleast that's how I view both Randy and Gerald's similarity on to Stan and Kyle (who are the main boys): both best friends, have a respective partner (Sharon, Sheila) along their side and fathers (Stan and Shelley, Kyle and Ike).

Post covid good ending gave me some more fuel to this about how Kyle only had TWO children; one boy being the eldest and a little sibling while Cartman had three instead of going full on stealing Cartman's past family. Gerald also had two children Kyle was the eldest son a boy and had a little sibling and I have no doubt if Stan were to get with Wendy they'll have two children aswell; their first born being a girl too like Shelley and a little brother like Stan.

Anyways my mind is kinda on a brainrot rn I need help, this ship is gonna end me

I just don’t see a good all flowers and rainbows actual healthy relationship in south park universe. Not only isn’t it realistic but it isn’t the type of dynamic i believe matt and trey would aim for.

If it isn’t either good/ but kinda chaotic sometimes or it’s nothing but down bad toxic/ bland/ has no real attachment to the characters.

Even creek has had their fair share of course they’re not toxic but like in the buda box theres some small ups and downs yk. I feel like some personal space would be the issue here cause Craig seems to not always want to deal with tweek's shit. But yk that’s just Craig not knowing how to establish it. (Yet their relationship has no affect in the course of the show/ main four dynamic)

Stendy relationship has communication issues. (Has no affect in the sidelines)

Clybe relationship has more of a complicated label. Bebe using Clyde for shoes or Clyde being an uncaring asshole using ai for convos. (Has no effect in the show/ main four)

Kennys relationships are only seem to last little but kinda okay until Kenny wants to escalate things further while the girl’s completely oblivious about it. (Has no effect in the sidelines/ use as a joke)

I think butters relationship with Charlotte is fine until Butters misogynistic side comes out. (No affect in the sidelines)

Heiman relationship was a toxic relationship. (Did have an affect on the show/ main four dynamic; Kyle) there was a lot of shifts in Cartman's personality that it was just painful to keep watching for both Heidi and Cartman.

Kyman relationship wouldn’t be just a neat-o relationship, i see it being very flexible in that aspect and I don’t see it changing their dynamic between the two or the main four. Cartman also wouldn’t change for the sake of keeping a relationship he’d actually change for good reasons. Having someone who already knows him wont make him feel like he’s cornered or forced to change/lie about being a good person, but being around a good influence (kinda) in his life could shape him in different ways. Healthy in a sense.

Their relationship could be use in a humorous way and a serious one!

[asexualbookbird]

Hello! Do you mind sharing the edible cookie dough recipe you tried ? I've been trying to find it on IG but I trust you more than the 500 random videos I've seen.

yeah doesnt help that they implemented the new "ask meta ai!" shit instead of a proper search

this was the video that kept showing up in my feed in fb AND insta. I did see the original vid too but ignored it because fitness bullshit but I stumbled across enough of Liams videos to think hes pretty decent and transparent.

I did not follow that recipe because I hate almond flour and also peanut butter. I used oat flour instead and vanilla protein powder and nestle mini chocolate chips. I tried the m&ms and it was awful do not recommend tbh even if it WAS that our m&ms were Bad the acid in the yogurt melted the dye off the m&ms and made the mixture soooo gross looking (and if you can taste the dye like i can then its also a bad time!)

I also made a batch this morning without any sugar at all and found i dont need it so will be leaving it out in the future. Oh i had been using brown sugar which i think gave it more of that cookie dough flavor than maple syrup or honey would.

I don't pay too much attention to measurements, I go by consistency, but roughly I use

2 cups of old fashioned oats (i use bobs red mill gluten free oats)

2 scoops of vanilla milkshake protein powder (i honestly just grabbed the smallest container my grocer had, but recently bought the quest brand and will try that next time)

fage greek yogurt, plain, 5% fat (because fuller fat yogurt tastes better! fight me! I'm not doing this for ~healthy~ uwu im doing this for Please Get Protein In Your Body I Beg), this is where I eyeball it. I add more yogurt if it's too thick, a large spoonful at a time.

I put the oats and protein in a food processor, and then add the yogurt, but if you use preground alt flour you can jhst use a bowl. I recommend adding everything a little at a time into whatever is thickest (so if you use peanut butter, add yogurt to that, and then the flour and protein).

Also a friend tried this with regular flour and a non whey based protein and a non dairy yogurt and was. Non enthused. I'm sure if you play around with the flavors YOU like you can find something but I don't think this can be made dairy free tbh but I also tried every DF yogurt I could find and they were all disgusting. So. (also ifnyou use regular flour pls bake it first. but tbh i dont really recommend it bc raw wheat flour just. doesnt add the same flavor oat or nut flours do.)

I'm also curious about using chocolate protein powder and nutella I think that'd taste gr8. Outside if the absurd cost of protein powder, this really is a good base recipe to use if you wanna try messing around with recipes you find online. People may give me flack for drastically changing this recipe but pls I based it off my moms oatmeal cookies all it was missing was coconut flakes lol

[krissiefox]

Cheesy Spinach Quiche Recipe!

New recipe time! This time, I tried out a recipe for making spinach mushroom quiche!

The crust came apart easily, being graham, but it still came out delicious!

One thing I didn't realize while buying my ingredients was that the recipe actually calls for making your own pie crust, but I just went with a pre-made graham crust from a store. This worked out fine, let me skip the first four steps of the recipe and get right into making the quiche filling. when you DO pour it all in, the pie crust and tin may end up really full and almost overflowing, so I strongly suggest putting your quiche in a larger surrounding baking pan before putting it in the oven. I also did fine using pre-shredded cheese that comes in the little baggies, not wanting to deal with the awful mess that comes form cheese graters. And for the garlic, I didn't need to cut it super small, just make sure you remove as much of the flaky skin as possible and cut off the hard/pointy ends on every little garlic bit! With cooking they should come out nice and soft no matter the size.

Shot of the mushrooms and garlic post-cooking. Yummy!

It'll look like a big mess before it goes into the oven, but it comes out big, fluffy and tasty!

This recipe is not vegan friendly (contains eggs and milk), nor gluten free (contains a pie crust), but it is vegetarian safe.

You can get the recipe here!

[daddyy333]

Band kid!Robin x color guard!y/n

if you’d like you can reblog my original work, but please don’t post it without credit. if you take inspiration from my ideas please tag me, I’d like to see how someone else would write it

word count: 1.1k

warnings: I’m blanking but I know there’s gotta be at least one please let me know if you find one I’m sorry in advance

REQUESTED: @amberputh

summary: Robin is in love with the best girl on the color guard team, and little does she know you’re just as crazy for her

For 3 years Robin had been admiring you during pep rally’s and halftimes and other events. You joined color guard in freshman year at the same time Robin joined the band, and Robin now had the biggest crush on you because of it. You were considered one of the best on the team, you were very skilled and the tricks you were able to do made the crowd gasp and cheer throughout the performances.

And god, the way you looked had Robin messing up the music and nearly forgetting to play all together. You were so beautiful, and so confident too. You always came to the band members and told them how good they sounded, sometimes even bringing them snacks for after the games and the long and tiring school events.

What Robin didn’t know, was that you didn’t always watch band practice just to practice your routine. You didn’t stay after every game and talk to the band team only to congratulate the band team. You didn’t buy special snacks for Robin just because you overheard her talking about her gluten allergy just because.

You did all these things because you wanted to see her. You wanted to talk to her the most out of everyone. You wanted her to realize you listened to her and actually cared about her. But she never seemed to notice and it broke your heart sometimes.

Both of you were terrified the other was straight. So for 3 years you just watched each other, falling more in love with the other with every performance.

You started working at Family Video and shortly after Steve and Robin walked in with applications. You knew only one other position needed to be filled but you begged Keith to make up some other job so both of them could work here and you could see Robin more often and really truly get to know her.

When they started their first shift, Robin ran off to explore and memorize things on her own and it was just you and Steve. “I know there was only one position left. How did another suddenly open up if you’re still working here?” He asked and you looked around nervously.

You chuckled and said “uhh I’m not sure” “oh come on, I know you like her. It’s okay, I don’t care that you like girls. Besides, it’s kinda obvious. You were basically drooling when Robin was walking around trying to memorize the sections” he said and you chuckled nervously.

You blushed and said “ok, fine I like her. But please, please don’t tell her. I don’t know if I’m ready yet. Oh and uh, I convinced Keith to just kinda make a new position for her to fill” “alright, alright, I won’t tell her. But you don’t have to be scared about asking her out, trust me” he said and winked.

It still took you 3 months to say anything. It was the last basketball game of the year, and you were doing a solo routine. You were a little nervous, solo routines made you anxious because there was no one else to hide your mistakes.

“You’re gonna do good. You always do good,” Robin said and you sighed, fiddling with the flagpole. You smiled and said “thank you, Rob” She smiled and a few moments later everyone was on the field and was performing with incredible skill.

Robin watched you like she always did, admiring your focus as you twisted the green flag over your head and then waved it beautifully as you swayed your hips slightly to the song. God, those shorts looked too good on you.

When your solo came Robin was smiling so hard it was getting hard to play properly. You did amazing, didn’t even mess up once and you even improvised a few moves you had been working on that weren't actually supposed included in your performance, but that just made it 10x better.

Once everyone was off the field, you ran to the bathroom to catch a breather and also fix any makeup that got sweat off in the heat of Hawkins. Robin ran to the bathroom and tackled you in a hug, congratulating you and squealing about how amazing you did.

You giggled and said “are you sure it was good? Even the parts I improvised?” Of course Robin knew your entire routine by heart as she’d been watching you practice for weeks. She nodded and said “it was amazing! Dare I say, beautiful! It was! It was beautiful! I- you…you’re beautiful, y/n”

Your eyes widened at the words and she looked down at your lips for a second, before gently leaning in and kissing you softly. You smiled, kissed her back harder. She pulled away and gasped, covering her mouth.

Tears pricked her eyes and she said “I’m so sorry…please, oh god please don’t be mad at me. I don’t know what I was thinking- please don’t be mad-” “Robin, stop it. I’m gay. Like, really fucking gay. Especially for you”

Robin laughed, tears still streaming down her face. “Me too, y/n…me too” she said, whimpering a little but still chuckling. Your child trembled as you said “Robin, please don’t cry” You moved forward and cupped her cheeks, kissing her softly.

She kissed back just as soft as her hands found your waist, caressing it softly. You moved one hand to her back, pulling her flush against you. She smiled and you pulled away for air, pressing your forhead against hers.

“I really freaking like you, y/n. You don’t know how long I’ve waited to kiss you” Robin said and you chuckled. You sniffled and said “I like you too, Robin. I watched so many goddamn band practices just to see you and be in the same room as you. I don’t know how I went so long without kissing you, I don’t ever want to stop now” You pecked her lips softly and she giggled.

You brought her to your house after the game and after you showered she just couldn’t keep her hands off of you. She hugged you from behind as you made frozen pizzas and kept stealing kisses whilst you waited for it to cook.

You loved her, you knew that you loved her already. But you didn’t want to scare her away. So for now you’d let her smother you in kisses and you’d do the same, that girl has no idea what she just got into by dating you. You were completely and utterly obsessed with her. You loved everything about her.

Just you wait, Robin Buckley. You’ll be stuck with y/n for a long time.

Taglist: @amberputh

As of now l'm writing for

Eddie Munson

Joseph Quinn

Jamie Bower

Steve Harrington

Robin Buckley

Maya Hawke

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Lo’ak

Neteyam

So just comment the taglist you want to be added to and l'll add you :)

[nitewrighter]

How do the fankids rank in their ability to cook?

In general, the watchpoint kids are better than cooking than the Talon kids, because the watchpoint kids are in this funky communal situation where pretty much everyone has to work in the mess hall at one point or another. But they do end up developing different specialties and favorite things to cook!

Rei has a lot of her dad's proclivities for comfort food with seasoning informed by his travels--Yaki-Onigiri stuffed with lentil curry, ramen piled high with aaaaallll the fixings, that kind of stuff. But she also has probably a higher tolerance than most for her mom's low-effort health foods like overnight oats and muesli.

Jaime was stuck eating gluten-free hypoallergenic goop with Vishkar, and during the time he spent homeless, he became dependent on the day-old bread being thrown out by a Gibraltar bakery, so his chief passion in the kitchen is crusty sourdough bread. It's like... the only thing he has in common with Widowmaker aside from both being snipers. They're the bread team.

Samir is probably the least-cooking oriented. He has a great palate, but he's more likely to be working on logistical stuff than have mess hall duty. Still, he's got like... 3 sheet pan dinner go-to's that are basically impossible to mess up, and you can bet he'll be at his laptop while the food's in the oven.

One-eye be damned, my boy Rajeev can work a grill.

Marti can cook some basic no-frills dishes for a crowd, but what she really likes cooking are desserts. Her favorites are flans and cheesecakes with fruity coulis. She likes the pretty drizzles :).

Akasha is a little too self conscious to really go the whole nine yards with cooking, but she is the prep and Mise en Place queen. You need something chopped? She's your girl. You want your spice blend all measured out and tiny-whisked? She's on it. Just... please, for the love of god, give her a recipe. Don't ask her to improvise.

The ironic thing about Aedan is that he probably cooked the most out of all the Talon kids, and he's the one who ended up defecting. He's probably the most improvisational out of the whole bunch, tastes as he goes and is very good at figuring out what to add when and what the dish needs, and he was also heavily influenced by the Middle Eastern seasonings of Oasis.

Faustine never really cooks for herself, she's got chefs for that, but she's also not a depression meal kind of person. She can put together pretty cheeseboards for herself and of course her pantry is stocked with lots of bougie noshables and fresh produce. She's not a cook, she's a grazer.

Andrea will look you in the eye while eating a completely raw unseasoned block of firm tofu.

Seye does cook for himself, but he really cooks more for function than enjoyment, which is a shame, because I feel like Doomfist does take the time to luxuriate with food and drink in a "It's good to be the king" kind of way, but Seye is fighting for his life literally every minute of the day, so he has no chill and is obsessed with macros. Like, yeah, dude, putting oatmeal in your morning protein shake will give you the carbs to fuel your workout but is it really worth the grittiness? And you're having roasted chicken breast with just some berbere seasoning and lemon juice over brown rice and wilted kale again? When was the last time you had thighs??? You're going to make me cry.

[spooniechef]

Cooking With Spoons: Intro

Hi; I go by Thess most of the time, and I have a lot of chronic conditions. The worst of them is the fibromyalgia, with its attendant fibro fog, fatigue, and IBS as well as the chronic pain. I also have chronic migraine, a gluten intolerance that may or may not be coeliac disease, lactose intolerance, chronic sinusitis, and what is probably undiagnosed ADHD. I am, in short, a bit of a mess.

All of the above conditions, individually or all together, really affect how people function, especially in the kitchen. The food intolerances make ready-made meals impossible or at least expensive. The pain and fatigue make cooking difficult to bear, and conditions like fibro fog and ADHD make following recipes tricky. With food prices skyrocketing, cooking at home is a necessity, but spoonies generally struggle with it. I know that for my own part, I round up just clinging to a few very simple recipes, and not expanding my range much more than that. It got boring. It got depressing. I wanted variety, but I didn’t want to suffer too badly to get it.

I’ve been doing well at picking up recipes and kitchen hints that make life a lot easier for me, and allows me to add variety to my meals while still not necessarily cooking every day. I’m still learning, and there’s a lot of trial and error involved, but it’s helping. So I thought, “Why not share what I’m learning with others?”

That’s what this blog is for. I’ll be posting recipes, tips and tricks to make things easier in the kitchen, notes on worthwhile kitchen utensils and what makes or breaks a gluten-free or milk-free substitution, and everything else I’ve been figuring out to make sure I’m eating right in a very tricky situation. Obviously you don’t have to have a chronic illness to enjoy any of these hints and recipes; just that I’m writing these posts with the understanding that not everyone can do the things recipes ask us to do easily - like “stirring continuously”, just for example.

So welcome to notes from the Spoonie Chef - all of the cooking, with a minimum of spoon usage.

[mishafletcher]

hi, and welcome to the 'frequently asked questions about cooking is terrible' post! some of these are scattered in other places around my blog, but i figured i'd collect them for ease of reading. if you want to read the promo post about the book, you can go here.

as always, purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

is cooking actually terrible/how can you say you hate cooking/cooking is an art form and you're disrespecting it see, the thing here is that i'm actually a good cook! i've cooked for a living before, i'll happily pull together a meal for fifty with twenty-four hour notice, and i love a cooking project. i love cooking for community. what i fucking hate, though, is having to somehow produce food for myself, and then consume it, multiple times a day, every day, for apparently the entire rest of my life.

some people love cooking, and i genuinely admire you. sometimes i don't mind it or even enjoy it, and on those nights, i don't need this book. sometimes i'm too tired or in too much pain or too busy playing a video game or too depressed, though, and the idea of spending thirty minutes making food i don't care about makes me want to walk into the sea, and on those days, yeah, cooking is terrible.

is this book vegetarian friendly? yes! there are a handful of recipes where the point of it is meat, but probably 90% of the book is either vegetarian or has options to make it vegetarian. i was a vegetarian for about a decade, and still tend not to cook a ton of meat because the cost of messing it up is so high. there are a number of recipes that call for things like 'chunks of chicken or tofu', but tofu is cheap and delicious, so i'm just as likely to use that as i am chicken.

is this book vegan friendly? maybe. if you're comfortable with things like vegan cheese and plant-based yogurt, the answer is probably yes. the biggest issue for vegans will be dairy, but there are a lot of good vegan dairy replacements out there.

is this book friendly for [basically any other dietary restrictions]? yes again! everything is designed to be pretty flexible. if you're comfortable with the basics how to substitute things for your specific needs, you should be fine with this. (by 'basics of how to substitute', i mean 'tamari instead of soy sauce' or 'gluten-free noodles' or 'sunflower seed butter instead of peanut butter' level of substitutions.) i have severe food allergies, so am very much on board the substitutions train.

is this book useful for people with chronic pain and/or mental health issues? you are very literally the target audience, because i, too, am a disabled person with chronic pain and adhd and other assorted mental health issues. when i started writing this book, it wasn't a book—it was a text file that i could read over when my brain wasn't working well enough to provide me with instructions for complex tasks such as 'make sandwich'.

is this useful for people living in [almost literally anywhere in the world]? unless you live in a place where you can't buy staple foods like rice, beans, and vegetables, it's probably useful. i've personally bought everything mentioned in the cookbook at stores in the us and australia, and have also checked availability at tesco and rewe. there are sometimes minor differences in what things are called, and occasionally one thing or the other is entirely unavailable, but probably 99% of ingredients can be easily purchased in most supermarkets.

do i need to have fancy appliances for this to be useful? hard no. there is zero slow cooker, instant pot, stand mixer, or even rice cooker content in this.

i assume that you have a knife, a bowl, and a source of heat. some things are easier (or nicer) if you also have a $20 immersion blender (mine's from kmart), but that's as fancy as we're getting. i wanted to keep the barrier to food as low as possible.

is it easy to modify recipes in this? yes, and a bunch of recipes are either lists of suggestions (sandwiches! rice toppings!) or have variations listed.

what kind of recipes are in this book? there's a range of them.

stuff that needs no cooking at all—sandwiches, dips, smoothies, salads, etc.

bowls of stuff: pasta, rice, soups you can make in ten to fifteen minutes, oats, etc. using ready-cooked rice or pasta is 100% fine by me, so this focuses pretty heavily on quick and easy toppings.

stuff you cook while you watch netflix, like 'throw this into the oven and then ignore it for an hour'. more importantly, lists of ideas for how to use the things you cooked.

baking and desserts, none of which require more than about five minutes of hands-on work.

if this list is insufficiently convincing, i've also put up a couple example recipes here.

which storefront/format is best? honestly and truly, on my end, it doesn't matter that much—after various fees and things come out, it's within about 50c of each other for ebooks, and maybe a dollar for physical books. amazon currently nets me slightly more than other retailers, but that's changed in the past and will likely change again.

on your end, amazon is probably the cheapest way to get a print copy (and—in the interest of full disclosure—is slightly more money for me, as well). amazon's printing costs are significantly less than anyone else's are, so the book is cheaper there.

why are there so many price points? this is partly because publishing at this point is several business models in a trenchcoat, and partly because retailers can set their own prices and discounts. if you see very low prices, especially at big vendors like amazon, they've decided it's worth it to sell the book at a loss. i have no idea why, but i get the same royalties from it.

if you see very high price points—like $40+ for the paperback version—it's because the vendor is using a traditional-publishing business model and pricing accordingly. please do not buy this book for forty dollars. anywhere in north america and europe, the paperback should be between 10 and 20 of the local currency (dollar, pound, or euro); australians might see it as high as $22 because it costs more to have things printed here.

i want to reiterate: please do not buy this book for many tens of dollars. one, maybe two tens, fine. but forty is as many as four tens, and that's terrible.

is there a print version of this book? i used to get this a lot, and then there was an amazon-only paperback version and i got it less, and now there's a paperback version that you should be able to buy anywhere you buy books.

worth noting is that the available print versions are not spiral bound. if you would like a spiral bound copy and you feel strongly enough about this that you'd like to have it printed and bound yourself, the digital versions (most usefully the pdf from gumroad) have an explicit 'please feel free to print or have this printed' release.

and again—because i get called out for this not infrequently—purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

[ajokeformur-ray]

I'm not a doctor but why do u have to get blood tests so often??? Mine aren't concerned with it as much, maybe because I have gluten insensitivity and not coeliac (although they believe i have it, the only way to confirm is a scope and biopsy and they don't want to do that at this time)

I asked my doctor about cancer risks and the GI doctor and him (hes a specialty) both said with newer studies the anticipated risk of cancer is actually really low. So did your doctor say something different or am I being lied to or is it an anxiety thing

This is new for me and seeing other people who may have it is so nice to see (not nice but relief im not alone)

I have to have blood tests so often because there’s a massive risk of vitamin and mineral deficiencies with coeliacs disease, as our bodies cannot absorb nutrients properly even when on a gluten-free diet, so every six months I have a blood test to make sure all my vitamins and minerals are where they should be and to make sure I don’t have anaemia, which is also a complication which occurs within coeliacs disease even when following a gluten free diet. I was so anaemic at one point I had the equivalent of half a paper clip of iron in my blood, got put on a six month regime of the strongest iron tablets, and then had another blood test to confirm I was no longer anaemic. That was even with following a gluten free diet. Next step after that would have been a blood transfusion, but thankfully the tablets worked. There’s also the possibility of having a lower bone density due to the aforementioned inability to properly absorb nutrients through the intestinal lining, which is why I also had to have bone density scans prior to diagnosis and every few years I have to have one of those to check up on my bone density. There are SO MANY complications with coeliacs disease. It’s just… it’s scary.

(That’s fair enough, the endoscopy they have to do to test if you have coeliacs disease is quite invasive; I had to have about seven or eight medical tests to confirm I had it and it was a really uncomfortable six week period. I’m happy your doctors aren’t too concerned with it at the moment! Blood tests are so annoying and to make it better on me, I like to make jokes about attending vampire food banks.)

I had to have appointments with doctors and nutritionists and they all told me the same thing; the risks of intestinal and stomach cancers are really high within coeliacs disease IF you don’t follow a gluten free diet. So if you know you have coeliacs disease and you choose to eat wheat and gluten anyway, you are at a very high risk of developing cancers within the same kind of area (i.e. digestive system). I don’t want to mess around and take any chances so I’m very careful with my food and very strict on it, because I don’t want to contribute to any chances of developing those cancers. I’m just not willing to risk it. So I don’t know why we were told slightly different things, I was diagnosed almost ten years ago so the literature on this topic might be different now.🥺

I know what you mean, it’s quite cathartic to know you’re not alone. Interestingly, coeliacs disease is hereditary and yet I’m the only one in the family who has it. No one else has it, has been diagnosed with it or has signs of it. So I like to wonder which of my ancestors gave it to me.

[theshehulkproject]

18, 21, 25!

Yessssss!

18: A memorable meal this year?

The first one! On New Year’s morning, my friend pulled out all the stops and had a fully gluten free crepe party/brunch for my friends who had come to town for New Year's. She served one round of savory crepes. Oh wait, I found a picture of the menu she made.

it’s not so much the crepes as it is… just the love that’s stored in that meal. The wonder of setting the table and then sitting in the coziest kitchen with my friend who is 6 watching my best friends bustle about the kitchen. Reading bits of a literary nonfiction book aloud whenever something catches my fancy. Truly the Wendy Cope Orange poem of meals.

21: What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

I moved! Once upon a time I lived in a low-ceilinged basement apartment, but then I found a newt in it (!!!) and found that the floorboards were full on molding. I freaked out and moved out to a second story apartment that’s my favorite place I’ve ever lived alone—just enough space for me and my cat, more sunlight, and a covered patio!!! That my dad and I converted to a catio!!!

25: Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

@starlit-mansion you are the only one who knows about them!!! But I’ll tell everyone else as well.

Sometimes before bed I'll look at exchange Original Works writing prompts to full-contact juggle in my brain while I'm drifting off. I found a prompt for The Goddess of Telepathy/The God of Jewelry/The God of Time and I got so excited I couldn't sleep for HOURS. Before too long I had three solid characters and a whole pantheon set up, it was a beautiful thing. I still think of them constantly, but this is the most I've written down about them for a long time:

The Goddess of Telepathy is basically the goddess of deep knowing; the goddess of mountains and whalesong and the feeling that rocks get when rivers run over them for a hundred years... and also like 15 actually telepathic humans but they all try not to make too big a deal out of it. She's big in every dimension: tall and fat with the confidence of an opera singer but the serenity of someone who meditates every day. Her skin is the light brown of willow bark and she wears exclusively drapey, toga-like clothing.

The God of Jewelry is a real gremlin of a man, who was once the Goddess of Jewelry but then he made a golden phallus one time and decided it was his. Where his wife is still and serene, his hands are always in motion, always fiddling with the incredible amount of jewelry he has on at any time. He wears sort of a punk-rock military-style jacket and has dark skin with locs that have all kinds of beads in them. Very important: He always has a small living golden frog that spends most of its time as an ear cuff and might be his familiar? possibly a help in the jewelry forge?

The God of Time is just a mess.

I love these three but I might love them too much to commit them to an OW story? Someone did request them again for Holly Poly, though, so I might try to make it work for that? We'll see.

(I have other OCs that I haven't told anyone about, also based on OW ship tags, and I could share if you want but also it's late and I might have to go to bed.)