#and gluten messes me up every time

[avesblues2]

Coming of age actually means you somehow can't tolerate dairy and gluten anymore

[httpvomitello]

Hi would it be okay to request a Rottmnt with a female reader who makes pastries or maybe works a some kind of pastry shop 🍰

Hello, hello! Hope you like a it ~ ♡♡♡♡

Pastry Shop *⁠.⁠✧

Shows up to your pastry shop all the time (not when people are inside, of course)

He’s not even subtle about it—he acts like it’s a casual visit, but everyone knows he’s there for you (and maybe for the pastries)

“Oh, hey, Y/N. Fancy meeting you here… at your workplace… again.” Cue his cheeky grin

Always “samples” whatever you’re baking

He’s the type to ask, “Do you need a taste-tester? Because I’m highly qualified.”

Pretends to have sophisticated taste in desserts. “Hmm, the balance of sweetness in this éclair is truly exquisite.”

But really, he’ll eat anything you make

“For me? Your favorite customer? C’mon, don’t act like I’m not your favorite.”

At first, he’s a little shy about coming by

But once he realizes how much you love baking, he’s all in

He always compliments your creations, even if it’s just a simple cupcake. “This is amazing, Y/N. You’re really talented.”

Buys way more pastries than he can eat, just to support you(he started saving money just for that)

His brothers constantly find random boxes of cookies and cakes in the lair

Always offers to help you carry heavy supplies, like bags of flour or crates of ingredients

“No way you’re lifting that on your own. Let me.”

You caught him sneaking one of your pastries into his pocket for later, and now he’s forever known as “the pastry thief.”

Doesn’t understand the appeal of pastries at first

He’s more of a “function over flavor” kind of guy, but he’s fascinated by the science behind baking

Spends a whole afternoon in your kitchen asking questions about how different ingredients work. “Wait, so gluten development affects the structure of bread? Fascinating.”

Invents gadgets to make your life easier, like a faster mixer or a temperature-controlled rolling pin

��With this, you’ll have the most consistent dough in the city!”

You catch him sneaking into your shop late at night to try and reverse-engineer your recipes

When you confront him, he denies everything. “I was… conducting research!”

His favorite thing to order is whatever you made just for him

He insists it’s purely because of your skill, but you know he loves the personal touch.

The biggest hype man for your baking

Every time he tries something you’ve made, it’s “THE BEST THING I’VE EVER TASTED.”

Wants to help in the kitchen but always makes a mess

Flour ends up everywhere, and you have to shoo him out before he burns something

Calls you “his personal pastry chef,” even if you’ve told him a million times that you bake for everyone, not just him

Has a massive sweet tooth and keeps begging you to make custom desserts based on his wild ideas

“Okay, hear me out—pizza-flavored cupcakes!”

Brings your pastries back to the lair and brags to his brothers about how talented you are. “Y/N’s the best baker in the world! You guys are missing out.”

[tpwk-formula1]

Can I have gluten-free pizza with red sauce, olives, sprite and apple Juice for Lewis Hamilton?

Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu

gluten-free crust enemies to lovers red sauce rough sex "Swallow every last bit. NOW!" sprite size kink apple juice pain kink dessert no served by Lewis Hamilton

TW - face fucking, hair pulling, face slap (once), cum swallowing

WC 500+

Y/N POV

"Get your ass in my room now," Lewis seethes through clenched teeth. I just roll my eyes before attempting to walk into my hotel room away from Lewis and his rough hands. Lewis and I had a weird relationship. Most of the time we cannot stand each other but then occasionally Lewis and I will use one another to destress and get our frustrations out on each other, and today was gonna be one of those days.

"I said now," Lewis says while gripping my hair and pulling me back into his hotel room before he releases my hair and borderline tosses me onto the floor.

"Just stop fucking fighting it and it would make it all easier," Lewis says while unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down along with his briefs before he grips my hair again and forced his large length into my mouth.

"Fuck, I love using this mouth," Lewis says while roughly fucking into my face making me gag around his cock trying to pull back to breathe properly which only makes Lewis push more into my mouth making me take his full length before he holds me against his cock cutting off all of my airflow for roughly 10 seconds before he pulls completely out of my mouth leaving me to cough and gasp for air before he pushes back into my mouth and repeating the same actions.

"Fuck," Lewis groans while speeding up his thrusts making me continuously gag and cry around his cock before he pulls out and allows me a few seconds to gain my breath again.

"You love this don't you?" Lewis asks with a smirk on his face making me look up at him with hooded eyes.

"Yes sir," I admit softly before Lewis is pushing his cock back into my mouth and fucking my face once again.

I could feel my spit and tears destroying the makeup I had done earlier in the day leaving me to be a hot mess at the hands of Lewis.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," Lewis says roughly before ripping his cock out of my throat again making me gasp for air when Lewis slaps my face making me whimper at the sudden pain. It wasn't a hard hit by any means but it was hard enough to shock me.

Once my breathing has evened out for the most part Lewis pushes his cock back into my mouth and starts fucking my face before he pushes all the way in and starts cumming down my throat as I'm left gagging around Lewis's large length.

"Swallow every last bit. NOW!," Lewis says while softly fucking my face to ride his orgasm out. Once Lewis pulls his cock out of my mouth I swallow the rest of his cum before I grip his cock and lick it clean from all of his cum.

"Fuck, you always do so well when I use that mouth of yours," Lewis says with a smirk while pulling me up and into his arms.

[xmads-omensx]

So I’m allergic to gluten, not completely, because it just creates an eczema under my eye. But imagine reader having celiac disease, which is that you’re completely allergic to gluten and if you eat just a tiny amount of something with gluten you end up with horrible cramps. You could even end up in hospital.

So now imagine reader going on a tour with BO as a merch girl along with Davis and someone who’s ordering dinner forgets about the fact that she has celiac disease.

I love your writing and you💕🎀

Beyy

Pairing: Bad Omens X Merch girl Ruffilo!reader

CW: celiac disease, discussions about food, Noah is a sore loser, mentions of skin irritation, mentions of cramping

Thanks for your kind words lovely! I hope you enjoy this!

Tags: @shayeanna-ashlie @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @supersquirrel1996 @tosoundlessdarkistare @bloody-spades @klutzy-kay24 @heyyoplayer @lacy1986  @dominuslunae @collidewiththesav @kenjipepsi1 @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @chey-h @thisbicc @fadingangelwisp @overmydeadbodysblog @illmakeyousaywow   @dsireland86 @missduffsblog  @littlebear423 @blade-dressed-in-red @rumoured-whispers @dontwantthemoney @eclipseeetop @xxkittenkissesxx @theanarchymuse95 @blackveilomens @lilgarbitch @lil-garbitch @concretejunglefm @museonfilm @death-ofpeace-ofmind @xxkatsatwatwafflexx @kissestomyomens @flowery-mess @athenexe @anything-more-than-human @oobleoob @dollieomens @astronoids @pipidoll

After being around the guys for so long, your celiac disease was something that they had simply grown accustomed to over the years of your friendship.

Besides, you or your brother Nicholas were usually the ones ordering the food for everyone, so you didn't typically pay any mind to what the food is.

However, this all changed when Bad Omens returned from their brief break from touring and performing in general to play at Mayhem Festival, their largest show yet.

In the rush and chaos surrounding the new setup, food wasn't exactly at the forefront of anyone's mind, so one of the newer crew members put himself forward for the task.

Frank hadn't worked for Bad Omens long, and typically found himself in the food runner role at his previous jobs, so hadn't minded taking on that role here either.

Food arrived and was dished out in one of the backstage rooms, each item labelled as to what it was.

Ordinarily, you would have gone for the gluten free pasta option since it was the most reliable option whilst away from home, so you made a bee line to the plate filled with pasta drenched in a tomato sauce.

It smelled divine.

You fought your way past an impatient and grumpy Noah, who simply allowed you to pass by as you were practically his little sister after all the years he had spent in your house growing up.

"Fucking seriously." He had muttered as he saw you clear off the remains of the pasta dish off of the plate, his shoulders slumping and his lip pouting.

"There's chicken so you don't lose your super cool and amazing gains." You mocked as you walked past, your plate of pasta held high like a trophy.

The pasta tasted delicious, and you made sure that Noah knew exactly how amazing every single bite tasted. He glared at you the entire time as you grinned smugly at him, pasta sauce covering your face.

Back in the hotel room that night, you were sharing with Nicholas and Noah as you had done since the band first formed.

You were laying on one of the two large double beds in the room, the one that the boys were sharing, absentmindedly poking Noah's shoulders and face with your foot in a failing attempt to get him to share the sweets that he had bought earlier.

He refused your request of course because of the pasta incident, only made worse by your foot in his face.

Then it started.

Your stomach tightened just slightly, but enough for it to cause your face to have a pained reaction.

"It's not that deep Y/N, it's just sweets." Noah laughed.

Then the cramping worsened.

"If your starting your period, do you mind going back to your bed and not laying on ours?" Nicholas asked in a slightly fearful tone.

"Not that." You groaned, clutching your stomach as you curled into foetal position.

Nicholas then began to realise what had happened.

"Did you order the food today, Y/N?" He asked, you shook your head.

"Uh oh." Noah replied, sitting up and grabbing his water bottle and handing it to you in hopes that drinking some might distract you from the pain.

There was never any quick cure for moments like these, except the painkillers that dulled it.

Noah helped you sit up to sip on the water whilst Nicholas grabbed the painkilers.

You could feel the dryness under your eyes beginning to form as you sipped the water.

"Ned your eye cream?" Noah asked gently, to which you nodded.

Nicholas had found an eczema eye cream that was made up of all natural ingredients that had helped greatly with this aspect of your condition, but it was the cramping that was the worst part.

Thankfully, you hadn't actually eaten much pasta since there was hardly any left, so the symptoms didn't extend past the eczema and the cramping.

Then Noah spoke.

"Too soon to say that karma's a bitch?" He asked tentatively. You could hear that stupid smirk.

Thankfully, your ever protective brother picked up one of the pillows on the bed and smacked Noah with it, instantly lifting your spirits.

"I hate that you revel in my pain." He sighed before flopping back onto the bed, texting the crew group chat to remind everyone of your celiac disease to prevent this happening again.

Later that night, you received an apology text from Frank, to which you replied that it wasn't his fault since he didn't know, but you got the impression that the Bad Omens guys were quite upset by your suffering that night.

Safe to say that everything from then on was gluten free and labelled as such.

[sassyfrassboss]

Apparently Meghan goes ballistic when Archie and Lili get even the slightest mark or dirt on them that their nannies are constantly bathing them both and changing their clothes repeatedly throughout the day so that Meghan won’t go off at them AND the kids. My cousin actually used to work for them in an area without a NDA but now works for a much better family in the area with much better connections…

The kids are only allowed in a certain area of the house alone, they are not allowed to eat or drink in certain areas of the house, the dogs are not allowed in the house and any instances that either child or dog has been it is just for show and kids aren’t allowed to play with any of the dogs.

The kids follow a strict diet of everything being free - vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, nut-free fat-free and organic foods are only to be given to them. Lollipops are sugar free and organic, Archie is said to hate them but eats them because they’re candy and fun looking. None of them get anything sticky or that can spill or melt like ice cream, that whole story about Archie in the car getting picked up was utter baloney.

At school as well Archie freaks out about getting dirty or doing anything messy. He likes getting out in the garden at home but the whole Archie and his chicken story is also baloney, it’s just Meghan wanting to compete with how outdoorsy the Wales kids are and how they have animals. Archie and Lili are only allowed to be around the chickens if it’s photo-op time. But back to Archie at school, he doesn’t like sharing and steals other kids lunch items from them because it’s something he wants and looks better than the gruel he gets from home.

Meghan is desperately wanting Archie to be known as Prince while at school but the board and heads disagreed but all of his items have HRH Prince Archie labelled on them and it’s also known that Meghan doesn’t allow him to have any friends that she hasn’t approved and won’t allow him to play with them. Archie doesn’t talk about home often though and doesn’t speak about Lili, and neither Harry or Meghan pick him up from school, it is a burly big man who chauffeurs the children and their nannies around.

Harry does spend a lot of time away from home and Meghan has a lot of parties, when this happens Archie and Lili are sent to the cottage to sleep and be. When Meghan is drunk she is combative and she is angry so staff usually lock the gates and don’t let her out the estate.

Doria is such a bitch and is literally so degrading towards everyone even Harry and the kids. She is no happy go lucky grandmother and like Meghan feels Archie and Lili should be seen and not heard and basically be perfect statues nonstop that do not misbehave or not do what they are told. The whole salt and pepper together is the tip of the iceberg as if Archie and now Lili don’t do anything exactly how Meghan wants, and Doria wants then they are punished. But it’s also staff too, a maid was fired because she didn’t clean exactly how Meghan wanted. Nannies are belittled and basically abused by Meghan and work basically 24/7 every day.

My cousin says that Meghan has got no friends in Montecito and she has become Public Enemy Number One because she won’t stop flirting with husbands, this is one of the reasons why David Foster doesn’t want anything to do with her. Meghan apparently had something going on with a Russian man who is linking them up with South Africa, interviewing Putin etc. Nacho’s wife hates her too btw, pwife as Delfina says now means puta wife.

HOT TEA ALERT

None of this really surprises me, except for the kids having to be tidy and clean because there for a while Meghan looked like a hot mess every appearance she made...

[lilac-hecox]

For Ian's Day either

More from the Daddy Anthony and Mommy Amanda with their sub Ian universe

Or

Some toothrotting fluff with Ianthony, maybe one's had a hard day and needs some comfort

Whichever works out better to write!

Ian/Anthony - ianthony - Stomach ache

--

Ian groans, his hand covering his stomach through his T-shirt.

Anthony cards his fingers through Ian’s hair gently, where Ian’s head is nestled on to his lap.

“You okay?” Anthony asks, even though he knows Ian’s isn’t really ‘okay’ in general at the moment.

“My stomach hurts,” Ian complains, the ache like a sharp pain in his gut.

He had been stupid and ate something at the office with gluten in it. He usually double checks, but he had assumed incorrectly that it was safe and now his stomach was paying for it.

“It never used to hurt this much.”

“That’s because you’ve been doing so well not eating it that your body is really responding now that you’ve had it,” Anthony explains, still running his fingers through Ian’s hair soothingly, “It’s happened to me before when I ate dairy thinking it was vegan cheese when it wasn’t.”

Ian feels a tiny bit better that even someone like Anthony who has such a strict and firm diet can still mess up every now and then. He doesn’t feel quite as stupid as before. Plus, Anthony babying him feels pretty nice.

Ian rolls on to his side, smooshing his face into the warm expanse of Anthony’s shirt covered belly. Anthony’s hand moves to rub soothingly across Ian’s back.

“Your medicine should kick in any time now. It’ll help with the cramping.”

“Is it gonna stop me from shitting my brains out?” Ian says, his words muffled against Anthony’s stomach.

Anthony laughs sympathetically. “Probably not.”

Ian groans again.

“I’ll take care of you,” Anthony says, “promise. I’ll keep you hydrated or whatever. You think we can Postmates some popsicles?”

“Popsicles do sound good,” Ian says, as he rolls back on to his back, looking up at Anthony’s affectionate face.

Anthony grabs his phone from the nightstand next to the couch and starts looking for what to have dropped off.

“I’m going to get you some Pedialyte too.”

Ian can’t help but moan weakly and laugh.

“Thanks for taking care of me.”

Anthony looks away from his phone and down at Ian. He affectionately boops Ian’s nose the way Ian had once done to him.

“I’ll always take care of you for as long as you let me.”

“So, forever then?”

Anthony laughs and Ian smiles, feeling marginally better just from being around Anthony.

“Deal.”  

[not-that-dillinger]

🔑 Key Item!: Give my muse an item that they would need on their adventure

Ed receives the all-important TOWEL!!! Every Hoopy Frood knows where their towel is!

Mun gets to decide what kind of towel it is, and what it looks like. x3

@the-haunted-office

To Ed's surprise, he manages to get through his flight perfectly fine, and without the symptoms he usually has when he accidentally eats gluten. Weird ass yogurt. Maybe it was messing with him. The rest of the trip is uneventful though. Well, aside from the granola bars that he couldn't find earlier reappearing.

Well, at least, it is for the remainder of his time through the airport. The plane arrives without incident, he collects his luggage without incident, and picks up his rental vehicle without incident. The drive to the hotel is... mostly uneventful, except for the bakery next to his hotel with the chocolate cake in the window, which reminds him of the text on the yogurt pot. It had been right. The cake looks so rich and decadent, and... well, if his celiacs really is gone...

So, Ed stopped, and bought a slice. Which currently sits on the desk next to his computer in his hotel.

But, the chocolate cake is momentarily forgotten, as Ed finds in his suitcase while he looks for his pajamas so he can get comfortable, a towel. A towel he most certainly hadn't packed. Or that he owned, before now.

It's enough that it makes him wonder if he'd picked up the wrong suitcase from the baggage claim. Except, no. It has his bright red leather luggage tag on it, with his information, and the rest of his clothes and toiletries are there.

The towel is a pale blue, with tiny printed cartoon seagulls scattered across it, all engaged in various beach crimes. Like stealing someone's french fries. Or sunglasses. Or shitting on an unsuspecting beach goer. Which is to say, it is hilarious. It's also almost silky soft to the touch, when he unfolds it to get a better look at the seagulls.

A folded up piece of paper flutters to the floor when he unfolds it. The text looks like it had been written on a typewriter.

Thought this might be better than the cheap towels the hotel provides, given your sensory issues. Trust me, you'll thank me later. You should try that cake you bought. It really does look good. I'm jealous.

...Ed isn't sure if he should be more suspicious of the cake or the towel now.

[ladystardustinblackjeans]

Maybe this is just a revelation to me and everyone else is already doing this, but in case it isn't:

Tipp for cooking with little effort:

You are allowed to mix and match frozen stuff, and mess with it a little.

I often use frozen to keep myself fed, and i also get tired of always having the same thing, or have stuff that only tastes mid.

You can just mix different frozen meals for variety. I have a frozen rice paella, and i might mix in some frozen asian chicken fried rice. I have some potato vegetable fry up, but it doesn't have enough mushrooms for me so i add seperate frozen mushrooms.

I can only eat one exact kind of frozen pizza, because there is only one gluten free brand with three kinds and i can only eat one of them. Do i eat margarita pizza every time? Fuck no, i don't even like margarita. I slap some ham on it, some canned peas and corn, some fresh mushrooms, some canned tuna, hell even sliced cooked egg. Whatever i feel like or have at hand, in whatever combination sounds good.

You have had one of the handful frozen meals you can eat too often lately? Add some cheese to this one. Change the way it's seasoned by adding some. Put in some cream and make it a curry. Add some protein, add some oil to fat free meals and fry them up nice while warming them up.

Disclaimer for possible cultural or personal differences: i usually prepare frozen meals in a pan, unless it's pizza or fries who do kinda need an oven. That makes it easy to add something and change the texture, and adapt cooking time or temperature as needed without being afraid to blow up the microwave.

Disclaimer 2: i consider this low effort because i only need to heat it up in one pan, and add one other thing, maybe more depending on energy, stir a bit. Put on plate. And then boom, meal with various ingredients.

To me this is 10 times better than eating the often sad flavours and suboptimal textures ready made meals often come up with, even if they're fine quality wise, and adds necessary variety to your life.

[nitewrighter]

How do the fankids rank in their ability to cook?

In general, the watchpoint kids are better than cooking than the Talon kids, because the watchpoint kids are in this funky communal situation where pretty much everyone has to work in the mess hall at one point or another. But they do end up developing different specialties and favorite things to cook!

Rei has a lot of her dad's proclivities for comfort food with seasoning informed by his travels--Yaki-Onigiri stuffed with lentil curry, ramen piled high with aaaaallll the fixings, that kind of stuff. But she also has probably a higher tolerance than most for her mom's low-effort health foods like overnight oats and muesli.

Jaime was stuck eating gluten-free hypoallergenic goop with Vishkar, and during the time he spent homeless, he became dependent on the day-old bread being thrown out by a Gibraltar bakery, so his chief passion in the kitchen is crusty sourdough bread. It's like... the only thing he has in common with Widowmaker aside from both being snipers. They're the bread team.

Samir is probably the least-cooking oriented. He has a great palate, but he's more likely to be working on logistical stuff than have mess hall duty. Still, he's got like... 3 sheet pan dinner go-to's that are basically impossible to mess up, and you can bet he'll be at his laptop while the food's in the oven.

One-eye be damned, my boy Rajeev can work a grill.

Marti can cook some basic no-frills dishes for a crowd, but what she really likes cooking are desserts. Her favorites are flans and cheesecakes with fruity coulis. She likes the pretty drizzles :).

Akasha is a little too self conscious to really go the whole nine yards with cooking, but she is the prep and Mise en Place queen. You need something chopped? She's your girl. You want your spice blend all measured out and tiny-whisked? She's on it. Just... please, for the love of god, give her a recipe. Don't ask her to improvise.

The ironic thing about Aedan is that he probably cooked the most out of all the Talon kids, and he's the one who ended up defecting. He's probably the most improvisational out of the whole bunch, tastes as he goes and is very good at figuring out what to add when and what the dish needs, and he was also heavily influenced by the Middle Eastern seasonings of Oasis.

Faustine never really cooks for herself, she's got chefs for that, but she's also not a depression meal kind of person. She can put together pretty cheeseboards for herself and of course her pantry is stocked with lots of bougie noshables and fresh produce. She's not a cook, she's a grazer.

Andrea will look you in the eye while eating a completely raw unseasoned block of firm tofu.

Seye does cook for himself, but he really cooks more for function than enjoyment, which is a shame, because I feel like Doomfist does take the time to luxuriate with food and drink in a "It's good to be the king" kind of way, but Seye is fighting for his life literally every minute of the day, so he has no chill and is obsessed with macros. Like, yeah, dude, putting oatmeal in your morning protein shake will give you the carbs to fuel your workout but is it really worth the grittiness? And you're having roasted chicken breast with just some berbere seasoning and lemon juice over brown rice and wilted kale again? When was the last time you had thighs??? You're going to make me cry.

[mishafletcher]

hi, and welcome to the 'frequently asked questions about cooking is terrible' post! some of these are scattered in other places around my blog, but i figured i'd collect them for ease of reading. if you want to read the promo post about the book, you can go here.

as always, purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

is cooking actually terrible/how can you say you hate cooking/cooking is an art form and you're disrespecting it see, the thing here is that i'm actually a good cook! i've cooked for a living before, i'll happily pull together a meal for fifty with twenty-four hour notice, and i love a cooking project. i love cooking for community. what i fucking hate, though, is having to somehow produce food for myself, and then consume it, multiple times a day, every day, for apparently the entire rest of my life.

some people love cooking, and i genuinely admire you. sometimes i don't mind it or even enjoy it, and on those nights, i don't need this book. sometimes i'm too tired or in too much pain or too busy playing a video game or too depressed, though, and the idea of spending thirty minutes making food i don't care about makes me want to walk into the sea, and on those days, yeah, cooking is terrible.

is this book vegetarian friendly? yes! there are a handful of recipes where the point of it is meat, but probably 90% of the book is either vegetarian or has options to make it vegetarian. i was a vegetarian for about a decade, and still tend not to cook a ton of meat because the cost of messing it up is so high. there are a number of recipes that call for things like 'chunks of chicken or tofu', but tofu is cheap and delicious, so i'm just as likely to use that as i am chicken.

is this book vegan friendly? maybe. if you're comfortable with things like vegan cheese and plant-based yogurt, the answer is probably yes. the biggest issue for vegans will be dairy, but there are a lot of good vegan dairy replacements out there.

is this book friendly for [basically any other dietary restrictions]? yes again! everything is designed to be pretty flexible. if you're comfortable with the basics how to substitute things for your specific needs, you should be fine with this. (by 'basics of how to substitute', i mean 'tamari instead of soy sauce' or 'gluten-free noodles' or 'sunflower seed butter instead of peanut butter' level of substitutions.) i have severe food allergies, so am very much on board the substitutions train.

is this book useful for people with chronic pain and/or mental health issues? you are very literally the target audience, because i, too, am a disabled person with chronic pain and adhd and other assorted mental health issues. when i started writing this book, it wasn't a book—it was a text file that i could read over when my brain wasn't working well enough to provide me with instructions for complex tasks such as 'make sandwich'.

is this useful for people living in [almost literally anywhere in the world]? unless you live in a place where you can't buy staple foods like rice, beans, and vegetables, it's probably useful. i've personally bought everything mentioned in the cookbook at stores in the us and australia, and have also checked availability at tesco and rewe. there are sometimes minor differences in what things are called, and occasionally one thing or the other is entirely unavailable, but probably 99% of ingredients can be easily purchased in most supermarkets.

do i need to have fancy appliances for this to be useful? hard no. there is zero slow cooker, instant pot, stand mixer, or even rice cooker content in this.

i assume that you have a knife, a bowl, and a source of heat. some things are easier (or nicer) if you also have a $20 immersion blender (mine's from kmart), but that's as fancy as we're getting. i wanted to keep the barrier to food as low as possible.

is it easy to modify recipes in this? yes, and a bunch of recipes are either lists of suggestions (sandwiches! rice toppings!) or have variations listed.

what kind of recipes are in this book? there's a range of them.

stuff that needs no cooking at all—sandwiches, dips, smoothies, salads, etc.

bowls of stuff: pasta, rice, soups you can make in ten to fifteen minutes, oats, etc. using ready-cooked rice or pasta is 100% fine by me, so this focuses pretty heavily on quick and easy toppings.

stuff you cook while you watch netflix, like 'throw this into the oven and then ignore it for an hour'. more importantly, lists of ideas for how to use the things you cooked.

baking and desserts, none of which require more than about five minutes of hands-on work.

if this list is insufficiently convincing, i've also put up a couple example recipes here.

which storefront/format is best? honestly and truly, on my end, it doesn't matter that much—after various fees and things come out, it's within about 50c of each other for ebooks, and maybe a dollar for physical books. amazon currently nets me slightly more than other retailers, but that's changed in the past and will likely change again.

on your end, amazon is probably the cheapest way to get a print copy (and—in the interest of full disclosure—is slightly more money for me, as well). amazon's printing costs are significantly less than anyone else's are, so the book is cheaper there.

why are there so many price points? this is partly because publishing at this point is several business models in a trenchcoat, and partly because retailers can set their own prices and discounts. if you see very low prices, especially at big vendors like amazon, they've decided it's worth it to sell the book at a loss. i have no idea why, but i get the same royalties from it.

if you see very high price points—like $40+ for the paperback version—it's because the vendor is using a traditional-publishing business model and pricing accordingly. please do not buy this book for forty dollars. anywhere in north america and europe, the paperback should be between 10 and 20 of the local currency (dollar, pound, or euro); australians might see it as high as $22 because it costs more to have things printed here.

i want to reiterate: please do not buy this book for many tens of dollars. one, maybe two tens, fine. but forty is as many as four tens, and that's terrible.

is there a print version of this book? i used to get this a lot, and then there was an amazon-only paperback version and i got it less, and now there's a paperback version that you should be able to buy anywhere you buy books.

worth noting is that the available print versions are not spiral bound. if you would like a spiral bound copy and you feel strongly enough about this that you'd like to have it printed and bound yourself, the digital versions (most usefully the pdf from gumroad) have an explicit 'please feel free to print or have this printed' release.

and again—because i get called out for this not infrequently—purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

[ajokeformur-ray]

I'm not a doctor but why do u have to get blood tests so often??? Mine aren't concerned with it as much, maybe because I have gluten insensitivity and not coeliac (although they believe i have it, the only way to confirm is a scope and biopsy and they don't want to do that at this time)

I asked my doctor about cancer risks and the GI doctor and him (hes a specialty) both said with newer studies the anticipated risk of cancer is actually really low. So did your doctor say something different or am I being lied to or is it an anxiety thing

This is new for me and seeing other people who may have it is so nice to see (not nice but relief im not alone)

I have to have blood tests so often because there’s a massive risk of vitamin and mineral deficiencies with coeliacs disease, as our bodies cannot absorb nutrients properly even when on a gluten-free diet, so every six months I have a blood test to make sure all my vitamins and minerals are where they should be and to make sure I don’t have anaemia, which is also a complication which occurs within coeliacs disease even when following a gluten free diet. I was so anaemic at one point I had the equivalent of half a paper clip of iron in my blood, got put on a six month regime of the strongest iron tablets, and then had another blood test to confirm I was no longer anaemic. That was even with following a gluten free diet. Next step after that would have been a blood transfusion, but thankfully the tablets worked. There’s also the possibility of having a lower bone density due to the aforementioned inability to properly absorb nutrients through the intestinal lining, which is why I also had to have bone density scans prior to diagnosis and every few years I have to have one of those to check up on my bone density. There are SO MANY complications with coeliacs disease. It’s just… it’s scary.

(That’s fair enough, the endoscopy they have to do to test if you have coeliacs disease is quite invasive; I had to have about seven or eight medical tests to confirm I had it and it was a really uncomfortable six week period. I’m happy your doctors aren’t too concerned with it at the moment! Blood tests are so annoying and to make it better on me, I like to make jokes about attending vampire food banks.)

I had to have appointments with doctors and nutritionists and they all told me the same thing; the risks of intestinal and stomach cancers are really high within coeliacs disease IF you don’t follow a gluten free diet. So if you know you have coeliacs disease and you choose to eat wheat and gluten anyway, you are at a very high risk of developing cancers within the same kind of area (i.e. digestive system). I don’t want to mess around and take any chances so I’m very careful with my food and very strict on it, because I don’t want to contribute to any chances of developing those cancers. I’m just not willing to risk it. So I don’t know why we were told slightly different things, I was diagnosed almost ten years ago so the literature on this topic might be different now.🥺

I know what you mean, it’s quite cathartic to know you’re not alone. Interestingly, coeliacs disease is hereditary and yet I’m the only one in the family who has it. No one else has it, has been diagnosed with it or has signs of it. So I like to wonder which of my ancestors gave it to me.

[theshehulkproject]

18, 21, 25!

Yessssss!

18: A memorable meal this year?

The first one! On New Year’s morning, my friend pulled out all the stops and had a fully gluten free crepe party/brunch for my friends who had come to town for New Year's. She served one round of savory crepes. Oh wait, I found a picture of the menu she made.

it’s not so much the crepes as it is… just the love that’s stored in that meal. The wonder of setting the table and then sitting in the coziest kitchen with my friend who is 6 watching my best friends bustle about the kitchen. Reading bits of a literary nonfiction book aloud whenever something catches my fancy. Truly the Wendy Cope Orange poem of meals.

21: What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

I moved! Once upon a time I lived in a low-ceilinged basement apartment, but then I found a newt in it (!!!) and found that the floorboards were full on molding. I freaked out and moved out to a second story apartment that’s my favorite place I’ve ever lived alone—just enough space for me and my cat, more sunlight, and a covered patio!!! That my dad and I converted to a catio!!!

25: Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

@starlit-mansion you are the only one who knows about them!!! But I’ll tell everyone else as well.

Sometimes before bed I'll look at exchange Original Works writing prompts to full-contact juggle in my brain while I'm drifting off. I found a prompt for The Goddess of Telepathy/The God of Jewelry/The God of Time and I got so excited I couldn't sleep for HOURS. Before too long I had three solid characters and a whole pantheon set up, it was a beautiful thing. I still think of them constantly, but this is the most I've written down about them for a long time:

The Goddess of Telepathy is basically the goddess of deep knowing; the goddess of mountains and whalesong and the feeling that rocks get when rivers run over them for a hundred years... and also like 15 actually telepathic humans but they all try not to make too big a deal out of it. She's big in every dimension: tall and fat with the confidence of an opera singer but the serenity of someone who meditates every day. Her skin is the light brown of willow bark and she wears exclusively drapey, toga-like clothing.

The God of Jewelry is a real gremlin of a man, who was once the Goddess of Jewelry but then he made a golden phallus one time and decided it was his. Where his wife is still and serene, his hands are always in motion, always fiddling with the incredible amount of jewelry he has on at any time. He wears sort of a punk-rock military-style jacket and has dark skin with locs that have all kinds of beads in them. Very important: He always has a small living golden frog that spends most of its time as an ear cuff and might be his familiar? possibly a help in the jewelry forge?

The God of Time is just a mess.

I love these three but I might love them too much to commit them to an OW story? Someone did request them again for Holly Poly, though, so I might try to make it work for that? We'll see.

(I have other OCs that I haven't told anyone about, also based on OW ship tags, and I could share if you want but also it's late and I might have to go to bed.)

[cadaver-anthology]

-> What are these Thoughts and- Wait, is that a dead body outline?

Yes, that behind you is a body outline. Green blood all over it. When it happened, there was a mess everywhere and the meal block was a no-entry place for the entire night. That was two nights ago. Look, you are not assigned to this case, so it's not your problem. You are not paid enough to investigate things that are not your problem.

Now, Thoughts are a mechanic similar to Sylladex, but it stores immaterial things. Concepts, ideas et cetera. You can access your Thoughts whenever and combine them. In such way you can reach conclusions. You can also share your Thougths with another person in conversation and they might offer their insight on them. You are dubious that this insight will be of any use to you. Thoughts are also not static, they evolve as your knowledge of the topic evolves. Since you have some teal stuff going on, you can hold an unlimited amount of Thoughts at time. You acquire Thoughts by acknowledging the topic at hand.

Your Sylladex can hold material objects, on the other hand, it is limited in size and cannot hold objects which you cannot describe with twelve words or less, because that is the rule of the Book Fetch Modus. To captchalogue an item you need to write its description into your Sylladexbook, whcih you have to physically carry around. You are bypassing that by storing the Sylladexbook in your Strife Slot, since your specibus is bookkind.

As you go over these simple concepts of your every-night life, someone walks into the meal block.

REVITA ANFELS [REVITA] has started a conversation with TOLPEN XLIBRI [TOLPEN]! REVITA: Hey sup girl wha7s up??????? TOLPEN: I am making a valianT ZET fuTilE ATTEmpT aT WaRming up mZ mEal. I do noT Wish To EngagE in a convERsaTion WiTh Zou. REVITA: Giving me 7he cold shoulder righ7 away baby awwwwwww theres no reason for 7ha7 i promise 7ha7 im nice no7 7ha7 cobal7 your lusus warned you abou7 (>_O) You look like a 7roll 7hats never really had i7 pi7ched for 7hem properly. We could fix 7ha7 7oge7her a7 some poin7. TOLPEN: AnfEls I am aWaRE of ZouR sERial loW-commiTmEnT caliginous EscapadEs (I Wish I had bEEn spaREd of all This ExTEnsivE infoRmaTion), nEvERThElEss I am noT going To bE anoThER of ZouR shoRT-livEd piTch TumblEs. REVITA: Well wor7h a 7ry you never know. If you change your mind im here whenever baby. TOLPEN: I Will noT. NoW unlEss Zou aRE hERE To REsToRE ThE poWER To ThE hEaTing uniT, lEavE mE alonE. ImmEdiaTElZ. REVITA: Oooooooh girl do i have a swee7 deal for you. Wha7s your legi7ier? TOLPEN: WhZ doEs ThaT concERn Zou? REVITA: Le7s say 7ha7 I have a spare ba77ery for 7he hea7ing uni7 which i would be willing 7o share for a couple of minu7es. Bu7 squid pro qo baby. REVITA: I need 7he service of a7 leas7 second 7ier legislacera7or. Wha7 you say?

You say yes.

[Assistance] added to Thoughts.

After a couple of minutes you ravenously devour your gluten noodles in grubsauce at adequade temperature. You wash the grub box and ang safely captchalogue it again.

[Missing battery] discarded from Thoughts.

[First][Previous][Next]

Sylladex: [Grub Box (empty)]

Thoughts: [Assistance]

[thessalian]

Thess vs Untenable Situations

I'm trying to figure out how the hell I can explain to my managers (and their managers, frankly) that the current situation is absolutely fucking untenable. And I don't mean from the point of view of "I can't keep doing overtime like this". I mean "my working overtime is insufficient no matter how hard I work". Because seriously? No.

It's not just the fact that Scruffman's away until Thursday. That's a pretty big part of it, because all the lazier habits of my office-bound co-workers are dialled up to 11 when he's not in and they're also picking up some of the things he normally does, but it's not all of it. No, it's the fact that I did some counting towards the end of the standard working day, and calculated that between them, the doctors (however many there were; I did not look into that) dumped a grand total of 301 bits of dictation into the queue. And that's not counting the urgent cases that got done as and when throughout the day. I did all of those, so tack on another ten cases, for a grand total of 311. This is a whole lot of doctors who, between them, are working from just before 8am until just after 6pm every weekday, plus pulling several hours over the weekends. Whereas the secretaries who are in at the moment work at best a standard 9-5 (or 8-4). As it stands, we only have two full-time secretaries devoted entirely to the typing, and they aren't currently, because Scruffman's away. Then we have the two part-timers - one who only works two days a week and desperately wants more hours (but for some reason isn't getting them), and me, who's currently effectively working full-time because of the sheer amount of overtime I've had to pull to keep us from drowning completely.

Of course, it'd be nice if the secretaries that want to meander through the typing queue would just take the longer ones and loaf over those, and leave me to do my speed-demon blitz through the shorter ones, but nope. Nope, they want the shorter ones so they can "still feel productive" because on paper they're doing the same number of cases I am when they meander through short ones and I blitz through long ones as best I can through the mess some of these doctors make of their dictations.

It doesn't help that I am fucking exhausted. My one-hour break between the normal workday and the overtime hours was not spent relaxing or eating or anything, but dealing with my monthly grocery order. Turns out my little intercom / buzzer that lets me let people into the foyer is probably broken, because the grocery delivery guy couldn't even call up to my flat's intercom. He had to call me on my mobile to let me know he was downstairs waiting. And since I couldn't just buzz him in, I had to go hobble downstairs, let him in manually, and then take the stairs to meet him on my floor because I would not fit into the lift with a grown man and a dolly bearing my month's worth of groceries. And then I had to put all that away. Which is a kind of a to-do in a kitchen as small as mine is, I have to say.

I mean, granted, it was a pretty big order this time around. But there are reasons for that. Partly I was running out of a lot of stuff that I don't replace very often - icing sugar, powdered milk, tuna for the tuna broccoli lemon pasta, stuff like that. Mostly it was because there are new recipes. For instance, I have plans in the direction of a white chocolate and raspberry cheesecake - well, assuming that the Amazon guy can get in with the pie plate I ordered. I also ordered ramekins and picked up some ready-made gluten-free puff pastries with a view to making chicken and mushroom pie. And little chocolate dessert pots. And, once my rolling pin finally gets here ... gluten-free pierogis. I have missed pierogis, and apparently while they're a little finicky to make with gluten-free flour, they hold their shape very well while boiling, so hey. Also I found out that gluten-free toad in the hole is pretty easy, so that's another one I got fixings for.

This is very optimistically assuming I have any energy left to me at the end of busy days, honestly. But I do have to make the cheesecake - the best before date on my raspberries is tomorrow and fruits like that have a short shelf life.

So basically all of the everything is fairly untenable just now. Hell, I can't even decide what I want to do about dinner at this point. I had ordered myself a nice steak that I planned to make, but unfortunately they were out of stock so that's my main idea about dinner not going to happen unless I brave the great outdoors. Which I do not have the energy to do, and anyway, I have food at home. It just takes a little more effort than I necessarily wanted to spend at 8:30pm after a hard day and two hours of overtime.

It's fine. I'll cope. Probably the tuna broccoli lemon pasta or something.

[hermo-dactylus]

I think we need to shed more light on how fucked normie american society's wedding expectations are. These past 6 months have been absolute hell on earth for me. I've fallen down into the deepest depression I've ever had, my PD has gotten so bad where I'm basically having an attack every day, my room is a mess because I have no life outside of work and planning and I'm too overwhelmed, I'm losing weight, my hair is falling out, my face is covered in stress acne, i literally can't go 💩 bc I'm so stressed, i have absolutely no appetite.

Don't let anyone push you into some dumb and expensive wedding for literally a couple hours of your life. Getting eloped or court married is not "the wrong way". The modern wedding industry and wedding culture in America is a giant money sucking vampire that needs to be kissed by a wooden stake a thousand times.

I have to babysit a large group of people (most of which are my massive family and didn't have a say in inviting or not) and make sure they don't get "offended" that our ceremony is polytheist, that we have (god forbid!!) Lebanese food (ofc included vegan, vegetarian, and gluten free options but it's not hotdogs and BBQ so), no garter toss, etc. I have been getting shit from my entire family the whole way, yes they are technically working their asses off with me but that doesn't negate the fact that I've been fighting them the whole time and it adds a significant amount of stress to my life.

I can't talk to my grandma anymore without me going into an anxiety attack bc just talking about wedding stuff triggers me. I also hate the social obligations- i got yelled at for talking to a friend i haven't seen in 5y at my bridal shower and my mom is hyping me up saying I'm going to be talking to so many people i won't be able to eat, yeah no lol. After all of this i don't want to speak to another person besides fiance again for the next 600 years.

There's also so many god damn extra costs like I'm already sacrificing my sanity and my life force energy and my money for this whole function and you're telling me i need to pay all of my bridesmaids and get them gifts?? NO! I have to spend extra money on food for people that don't like Lebanese? NO! I have to get "real" favors? NO! I don't care about being a "bridezilla" at this point I'm so done.

I wish i could go back in time and badger my fiance into letting us elope bc i remember bringing it up a bunch when we first got engaged and he told me he would feel bad if we "didn't do it the right way" prime example of how society grooms people's expectations of what's "right" and what's "improper" now we're both reaping bc I'm stressed as a cat in a rocking chair factory and he feels super guilty about not being here bc we're LD. Mega regret was had on both sides.

This is basically a giant rant and i honestly have zero excitement for my wedding next Saturday. I just want it to be over at this point. I think I'll be more excited the week after the wedding honestly bc that's when we move in together and get to do all the fun stuff like decorate and cook together.

End of rant and if you made it this far ily 💕

[kepsu]

Would you listen?

It all dates back to junior high school. In the girl's dressing room, I scanned everyone's physiques and compared them to my average teenage body; I felt an error in my mind. Why did they have a flat stomach and a gap between their legs? Around that time, I began to think differently about my body, especially the belly pouch. Next, I noticed how every celebrity was beautiful and skinny. My gaze always went to their bellies; they were flat.

I remember watching Fade and Chandelier music videos in envy because my body didn't look the same as Maddie Ziegler's or Teyana Taylor's. Luckily, I was only jealous and didn't drastically change my still-developing body.

I tried to stick with diet and workout plans during high school, but these plans lasted only briefly. For the first time, I received comments about my body that left me feeling glum. During this time, I switched to a gluten-free diet. I was often bloated, which is typical for everyone, but it was also a sign that I was living with a particular issue that could later affect my life.

Three years ago, my jealousy turned into an obsession. I had a different mindset: I had to lose weight to look better. Still, that was a happy time because it felt stimulating to stay healthy. I ran about two or three times a week and did workouts regularly. I stuck with a healthy diet and had sweets only on Saturday. My skin was glowing, I was toned, and I felt wonderfully happy! But something has gone wrong since then.

If my obsession and I once lived hand in hand, I got pushed down to the ditch at some point, and now I can only watch as it takes control over my mind like a foggy mist.

In the morning, the first thing I do is work out. I follow the routine for a few weeks and then start a new one. Every Saturday is a candy day. I don't eat enough; sometimes, I do so much that I loathe myself. The balance is long gone; all that is left is a mess, also known as an eating disorder.

✩

While my mind has been tangled in the struggles of ED, my body decided to add another challenge—Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I've been battling a sensitive stomach for a long time, and last year came the long-anticipated conclusion: I have IBS. It would've been enough to have just gluten intolerance or even lactose intolerance, but no—I hit the jackpot and now have to avoid multiple triggers.

If I were to die right now and choose my final meal, the list would go on and on. I've had to give up so many favorite foods. My symptoms were excruciating at first, but once I started a strict Low Fodmap diet, the storm inside my stomach calmed down. Some weeks pass without issues, but then there are days when I linger in pain.

I joke about wanting to trade guts with someone, but there's truth in it. I've learned to live with the cramps even though they're uncomfortable. But the endless visits to the bathroom and the burning aftermath—that's the worst. It feels like you're pushing out your whole existence, and what's left is a weary shell.

IBS and ED together? It's a hell of a combo. Physically, it's exhausting, and mentally, it's draining. I've felt revolted and socially withdrawn and have struggled with harmful thoughts on my worst days.

✩

The hardest part? You can't always tell when someone is struggling with ED or IBS. I think, in my case, people don't know—or they do, but they don't mention it. I've told a few people about my hell, but I hate feeling like a burden when I do.

I'd say yes if someone asked me to eat out or order food. They don't know, but those are the magic words I've been waiting to hear because I don't eat alone. Left unattended, I keep myself busy and ignore my rumbling stomach. Deep down, I wish someone would force me to eat. I even felt victorious the day I didn't eat for 24 hours. And, for some reason, I torture myself by watching videos of people eating.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

This is where my story begins, and it's still ongoing. I'm stuck right now, but I hope this blog will give me a much-needed push in the right direction.

As we move forward, I'm shifting the focus to more positive topics, like recipes and tips for fellow IBS warriors, and hopefully, sharing helpful insights from my journey.

Thank you for reading, and welcome to my world. Stay tuned!